The Horse Show – Thanksgiving 2010

Look, you stupid fucking piece of shit.

Why don't you tell me where you're at and I'll come there.

I'm at Walmart.

You fucking nerd.

So you're going to, I'm going to report myself as masturbating a horse.

But see, what I'm trying to get, I'm trying to get to the bottom of this whole situation.

But you're not helping out by saying that, you know, falsifying statement saying that there's a horse in the restaurant that they were actually masturbating.

I can guarantee there was not a horse in the restaurant.

that excuse me but if you're not man enough to come in person and to face you know the people

that you're actually calling and pranking that's a very poor reflection of yourself and it shows

your lack of maturity so i suggest that you stop wasting our time and your time and your money

have a little bit more respect and stop doing this okay this call is getting embarrassing

will you please get off the line and stop calling me then we took the plane to the other showing in

guam and they masturbated the horse and he got blistered what you say me your wife you feel

this is basic civil defense information from the department of defense office of civil defense

washington if an enemy nuclear attack ever occurs many areas of the nation would be threatened by

radioactive fallout if there is public shelter nearby go to it or if you have a home shelter

use it unless your local government has given you other instructions but if

regular shelter isn't available and you have a house with a below-ground

basement or storm cellar you could still improvise some protection from

radioactive fallout in a basement choose a corner most below ground and away from

windows drag in a heavy bench or table to make a roof for your shelter cover it

with trunks stacks of firewood flagstones books anything that is thick and heavy

Then wall yourself in on the two open sides with heavy appliances or dressers or chests

backed with earth or sand to help absorb radiation.

For more information on this and other ways to improvise protection from fallout,

check with your local civil defense office.

Check it. Check it, Milkman.

Good evening. It's Carlito and Milkman here doing Madhouse Radio for Thanksgiving 2010.

Hope you guys are having a great night.

I sure shit am.

I've been drinking quite a bit.

Drinking gin all night, Milkman.

Dang, man.

I see some beef eaters there.

Beef eater sounds like a nastiest drink you'd ever want to drink.

Sounds like ass water.

I guess I'm a beef eater.

That's all I think about is like an airy, warm fart.

He'll grab you a pine cone and dip it in a cup of vodka and you got the same thing.

Beef eaters.

Pine cone or nothing.

Yeah.

Thanks, everyone, for tuning in on the holiday.

i hope you all had a great thanksgiving i suppose i have imagine not repeating what i just started

saying a few minutes ago wow what a night what a fucking night um we got numbers coming in from

lonesome loser and from brendan you can send in your requests also over at madhouse live.com

that's the website where the show's broadcasting out of and uh of course we are on the

cactiradio.com stream currently broadcast dating on there also milkman how was your thanksgiving

good sir what did you do oh man i'll tell you it was terrific uh i bypassed the turkey um i went to

a vegetarian vegetarian thanksgiving so i had a sweet potato pie pumpkin pie apple pie cherry pie

a chrissy pie type uh thanksgiving you know what i mean that sounds pretty gay yeah is that how

they do it down there in san francisco a lot of fruits baby a lot of fruits fruit salad

Salad.

What's the salad that you make with marshmallows and fruit and...

What is it? Ambrosia?

That's retarded.

Oh, I don't know. Jalape. I don't know what the hell it is.

Oh, you go, daddy-o.

All right, guys.

Well, that's good.

I'm glad.

So, was it an Asian theme because you have an Asian old lady now?

Or how did they...

They don't eat meat in their country?

They don't have turkey?

No, actually...

I just cook it.

I just get a bunch of shit on top of the stove here.

You suck. You suck. You don't have it.

You know, Milkman, you should have gotten the fryer, Milkman,

and done it inside the apartment with a fryer.

That's safe, right?

Yeah, but I mean, if I burned down the apartment,

then I'd be outside freezing and talking to you.

It got down to like 42 and 38 and shit here, man.

Record lows in the last two days.

It's 84 today here in Orlando, man.

It didn't feel like Thanksgiving.

It wasn't that warm today here.

um dude i was at sam's last week and they had an electric turkey fryer that you can use inside

the first one i saw because you're not supposed to use the the traditional turkey fryer you're

not supposed to run it inside it has to be outside because that'll fucking burn your

house down you ever made especially if you have it frozen it'll explode that's like well there's

two things also you got carbon monoxide that comes off of a propane gas burner and what happens is

When they dip those turkeys down in there, they get too zealous and splash the oil.

The oil gets down on the burner, and it's so hot that it actually ignites the oil like fuel.

So by the time you get that thing good out, you know, you got your house burning.

Right. That's cool. Awesome.

We've got listeners in the U.K., including Nunu and Jill, right now.

Thanks for joining in.

They don't care about Thanksgiving.

They don't love Jesus, and they don't celebrate Thanksgiving.

So what can I say?

but they they do have association day coming in a few weeks that's awesome happy association day

to the uk yeah association day i don't know i just i figure that that's when we associate

with our friends it's association associated associated union of clowns association

association of food and man so yeah um i'm gonna have to definitely make my turkey sandwich here

during the first break of the show um i was definitely looking forward to that although

i'm out of mayonnaise i don't have any mayonnaise we uh banned mayonnaise from this home in the

summer that was one of the items i was banned and i do have a mayonnaise there that's made with

um olive oil and no what is it canola oil or something and it tastes like shit there's no

there's nothing better than just you can't imitate mayonnaise you can't make it light

You can't do anything to mayonnaise.

You just got to have fucking, what do you make mayonnaise out of?

Eggs and oil?

Yeah, it's egg whites and lemon.

And lemon and oil, too, right?

You mix the oil, eggs and oil.

You don't have to put oil in there.

It's egg whites and lemon juice.

Well, Mikey129 is an expert in the food industry.

You said vinegar, too, Milkman.

What happened to vinegar?

Why did you take that back?

You started saying vinegar.

Sometimes it's vinegar.

vinegar the best one is lemon juice but it can be vinegar yeah well you need the oil because if not

you're just making uh scrambled eggs oh man what are you just crazy true true true well you know

and that give you the shits too yeah you can take that turkey and slap you take that turkey and slap

it on a pile of mashed potatoes and slap that on a piece of bread there and make you make you one

One of the Armanito's special Jack Matheson masked kid turkey special sandwiches.

Right on.

So I'm going to be staying up late tonight.

Miracle Whip, dude.

Get Miracle Whip.

It's actually okay if you can't do mayo.

Fucking Miracle Whip.

Fuck you.

Yeah.

Fuck the Miracle Whip.

Better than nothing, man.

So we're getting numbers in from Lonesome Losers.

I said before Brandon's got his in, but we got a request and we got the two sit-gos.

goes the one from last week um that we called i called about washing hands uh we've got that here

and also we got the one that we called in the last two weeks last week didn't go far but the one that

came in from big ken which is a jews out of palestine said go with the lady who talks like

and i was totally wrong i said laura schlisselberger it's not i forgot she i don't last

week's show was kind of weird i said a lot of weird stuff i was confusing names up for real

really crazy like you got to look into that actually make it funnier though kind of it's

so inaccurate uh some of the shit i was saying last week but anyway we got more numbers here

look we got a jamaican grill in guam do they not celebrate thanksgiving in guam i wonder if they

do this is in america yeah because they got military bases still there well my mom was uh

telling me she's in her 60s and she grew up in puerto rico she was born there and she remembers

I remember when, you know, they still didn't do Thanksgiving in Puerto Rico until, like, the 60s and 70s.

And it was basically they started teaching it in school, like, by force.

Like, you know, you will celebrate this kind of thing.

They started teaching the kids, and everybody got the day off.

And she said for a while there, like, the people in the countryside still didn't, they weren't going to make a turkey because you don't eat turkeys in Puerto Rico, really.

The only time you can really, you'll really buy a turkey is Thanksgiving.

So they do celebrate Thanksgiving in Puerto Rico.

Yeah, don't you take a big chicken and stuff another chicken inside of it,

and that's like a Puerto Rican turkey.

I guess so.

I don't know.

You sew two turkeys together with plantains.

Yeah, you sew two turkeys together.

But Puerto Ricans have a different idea of, you know, Thanksgiving.

You have the turkey, then you've got the rice and beans and the pasteles

and the plantains.

You know, you don't do the white people trimmings.

But we didn't do the roscoe and gondolas this year.

I love stuffing, too.

I love the stuffing.

It's not stuffing.

It's actually sweet potato.

And it's got a little bit of raisins, cinnamon, and a little bit of spices in it.

Man, that is good.

This year, I'm going to tell you the truth.

The stuffing that my mom made this year was some of the best she ever made.

And she actually used Walmart stuffing.

And she added ground beef.

She added ground beef to it and some spices.

And she usually adds walnuts.

She didn't this year.

But she'll add walnuts to it.

And that's, yeah.

It came out.

It was, like, one of the best stuffings she's ever made.

Basically, it's like, but I thought about it like, damn, Mom, you're making a stuffing,

and you're stuffing the turkey with beef.

Just think about what we're doing here, but, hey.

I mean, and she just had.

All right.

There you go, Jimmy.

She had open-heart surgery, like, three months ago.

My dad had a heart attack a month before that to the date.

I don't know.

You got to have Thanksgiving.

Man, you guys have had a rough year this year.

Well, this was a good Thanksgiving, man.

We had a lot to be thankful for, Milkman.

That's true.

And, hey, we're thankful that Madhouse Radio is on here and the prank calls that we do here.

And thank you for all my fans and listeners.

I'd like to thank you all for listening.

Good night, everybody.

And we'll catch you here next week.

MadhouseLive.com.

No, I'm kidding.

Look, we've got a lot of numbers to call here.

I do want to call Walmart.

What's the deal?

For what I understand, Walmart didn't close at all.

Last year they didn't for the first time.

And for what I understand, that's the same thing.

Are there any doors?

They're supposed to be open for that stupid Friday sale.

I think at Black Friday or whatever they call it.

All right, so we got to call and mess with them around midnight here in about 20 minutes.

But who's opening at midnight that we know for a fact this year?

I know Kohl's is opening at 3 p.m.

I don't even, they're not a national.

I think they're only like a regional chain.

No, I don't know if it's Target or somebody I heard was going to do that.

I'm not sure which one was Target or which one.

There's a few department stores that are doing 3 a.m., but I don't think I'm going to make it that late.

But, yeah, if anybody knows on the East Coast, anybody who's opening right at midnight for some of that doorbuster madness, we could call them.

There you go.

I'd be calling.

Somebody in the chat room, please research that,

and you'll get you a gold star, a free golden star tonight.

Right, right.

Good deal.

Free golden stars, man.

All right, we got to do something here.

So let me, I got to run and get some ice.

I'm sorry.

I know I started the show late, but I don't have anything to do tomorrow.

I'm just here in my tweed jacket and my pranking hat

and drinking my gin and Sprite Zero.

I don't know what the fucking rush is.

We got a lot of numbers coming in.

You look like Johnny Castaway, man.

And you know that you look just like Johnny Castaway.

Tonight, I saw that with that beard, man.

I just about died, man.

I got to send you that Johnny Castaway.

Like Lost, this TV show Lost?

No, no, no.

Johnny Castaway.

I don't know.

Okay, all you old-timers out there that knows about computers,

they had an old screensaver called Johnny Castaway Forever,

and it was real big back in the 98 era and 95.

But I've got an XP Burger that runs on 7.

and Armando I'll send it to you

you look just like this guy

thanks man appreciate it I hope that's a good thing

I hope it wasn't a big fat ass

bisexual child

no it's actually it's complimentary

it's funny as shit it's classic

is he as cool as leisure suit

Larry cause that's the look I

should be going for is leisure suit

leisure suit

you know what I can't talk right now

look I'm gonna play this prank call from last week

that we all had so much fun with

Baz edited it for us

hey fuckers I wanted to mention

before I get too carried away

madhouselive.com I made a lot of changes to it

there's a new and improved request a prank

form that the one

we were using here for the last few months

I had to keep refreshing the page

during the show to see if anything new came up

and I finally got it on a ticketing system again

so you send it to me and I get the email

right to the inbox here

and you get a confirmation back that

it was sent in it's very nice

Ken already tested it out

wow man yeah so we got that going on i got the cd back up there for download and there's a lot

of uh different tweaks to the chat page so be sure to check out manhouselive.com and we got

one week left of the manhouse poll for the last two months now i've been running a monthly poll

once a month um for the whole month going on i got the cd back up there for download

i was going back to hey you know what we definitely need to call back the guy about

out his pepsi over tonight to see if it came in maybe he's open i don't know okay listen um i just

want to mention there's a poll if you go to madhouse live.com right now vote in the poll

right there or you can go to madhouse live.com forward slash poll directly um it's on the front

page though uh for the month of november it's uh who would you most like to see make a return

guest appearance on madhouse live uh so far zolar is leading the fray uh with a good 43 percent of

of the votes uh i believe number two uh is a tie between reclude and your favorite uh milkman uh

andy is there for a return all right uh 13 13 let's get that convoy going baby we got a great

big convoy 13 going to jen stewart right now who i've been in email communication with i've been

telling him hey man i keep getting requests for you some of your prank calls you've got a lot

more than what you've made available to me to put on the rotation and for people to download

download at the site um so i'm ongoing negotiations there to buy out the rest of jen stewart's

catalog here speaking of buying out uh and tied with five percent each dr lego and hollywood

vanya and uh i wanted to mention what about sean ward you know i didn't put sean ward on there but

i do have clone homegrown who has zero percent vote

A fucking oyster.

Hey, man, what do you think ever happened?

We should find him and call Clone Homegrown, man.

I wonder what he's up to.

He's still on that screen name, dude.

He's still on that stupid AOL screen name.

Oh, I don't even know what it is, dude.

Yeah, send that to me.

We've got to reach out to Clone.

Have a reunion show with Clone Homegrown.

All right, so look.

Can we go ahead?

Yeah, Nuna's mentioned in Joob.

You know, we left a lot of people out.

Maybe we should run this for another week, because I've forgotten Hollywood, and I threw him on there, and he started getting some votes.

But everyone, make your vote in there.

Yeah, do a second poll, man.

Do a follow-up poll, and then...

No, we'll just keep this one going.

Part one, part two.

Yeah, well, yeah, all right.

King of the prank-off, whatever.

Listen, I'm going to play the prank from last week.

What's That Noise?

Baz edited this out.

I'll go get some ice real quick.

It's very funny.

Milkman, you were on the line for this.

This is where I went, that...

kind of thing, you know?

And the people think it's their dog, or who knows what the fuck they thought it was.

It sounded like a cat.

It sounded like a sick baby.

Yeah, you were on the line, so you would know best what it sounded like.

It sounded like a dying baby cat.

It sounded mostly like a baby and a cat mixed together.

It was very, like, sad and, like, kind of, like, alarming.

It sounded like a dying baby Thundercat.

All right, anyway, let's play here.

What's that noise?

I'll be right back in about five minutes.

We'll start the live prank calls.

I'll have Ice.

I'll have Jen.

We'll all be happy.

Stop fucking music.

Hello, can I help you?

Do you know what time it is?

Yes, it's 5.29, and if this is...

Where are you ringing from?

I'm ringing from the call center, Chicago, Illinois, for the morning wake-up call.

I forgot to record.

5.25.

You're four minutes late, sir.

I'm going to get a demerit.

Now, listen.

This is...

I'm in London.

My name...

I'm not going to give you my name.

No, this is Mr. Windsor.

Yes, and why do you keep...

Why do you keep ringing me?

Because I called the...

Ma'am, listen.

And I called the embassy in London, and they said that I was going to be put in touch with the person who was going to handle me with the invitation from the House of Windsor.

So here we are.

Yeah, well, look, my surname happens to be Windsor, but I am absolutely nothing to do with that whatsoever.

This is a private house in the middle of a suburb, and I don't have to go to work today.

And I would appreciate it if you would delete this number from your call circle.

They have got completely the wrong name.

and they've just picked a name out of the telephone book.

That's all they have done.

Now, please do not ring this number again.

Well, I called...

Okay?

It's completely the wrong number.

I have nothing to do with that at all.

You can't give me an interview

or an invitation to the royal wedding, then?

I certainly cannot.

Someone's having a joke with you.

Oh, Jesus.

This is a private number, and I'm very sorry,

but all they've done is picked a number out of a phone book.

Now, please do not ring this number again.

and I have people in this house trying to get some sleep.

Well, I just want to advise you, listen, hang on,

just to make sure that we fix this.

I don't want you to get another problem with me and not be nasty again.

All right.

But the circle caller machine completely has the wrong number.

Now it's going to call you again and you have to opt out

because if not, then it might keep calling you tomorrow in 24 hours.

Well, what do I do?

I will just not answer the phone then.

Is that the way around it?

Well, it will call every five minutes until it gets a response.

How do you get it out of the system, then?

You dial star, zero, pound, nine.

I do that as soon as I put the phone down.

You can do it right now, but I have to hit the button first.

Are you ready?

Hang on.

What do I do?

Star, zero.

Pound, nine.

Pound?

Yes.

I haven't got a pound sign on this phone.

You have a hash.

Maybe you have a hash sign.

Oh, yes.

Star, zero, hash, nine.

All right.

Thank you.

Do that now.

You have to upgrade to the pound sign, though.

I don't know if it's going to take it.

We can try.

Are you ready?

We've got to do it.

All right, in three, two, one.

Okay.

All right, it's got you down authorized for 30 days of the service.

Perfect.

Thank you very much, or you have a Merry Christmas.

This is the House of William.

What's my son's name?

Where am I?

I don't know.

He's a deaf.

He's obviously some practical joke.

He said that the number had been automatically put in the system

to ring every five minutes until the call of, I don't know,

Now, he said, put that number, I hope that's right, because if I put that in, it shouldn't, it shouldn't keep ringing and ringing.

The only other thing is to ring, um, AT.

Ring again.

And put a block on it.

Anything to write out.

Half an hour after he...

It was a, a male, female?

Male, ringing from Chicago, wanting an invitation to the top.

A royal wedding, and he was given a number for the house of Windsor.

This number.

Practical joke.

Someone said.

Maybe I'll have a go at her real quick.

That'd be nice.

I'm guessing the name of the dog, I don't know, first I guess is a dog,

and I guess the name is Wee Wee.

Whatever.

It sounded like Sweet Pea to some people, but it is a good call.

That's a good job on the editing.

Thanks, man.

Oh, not me.

Thanks to Abbas.

Good work, Baz.

Oh, good deal.

Attaway, Baz.

All right, let's call this Citgo in Ann Arbor there where we called recently.

Then we're going to call a few Lonesome Loser numbers here.

Let's add Citgo here to the conference.

Be sure to send in your request if you have one.

Thursday call.

Yes, sir.

How are you doing?

I was wanting to talk about some poor service that I got there a few days ago.

I don't know.

Really?

Did I just ruin your night or something?

I don't understand why you have that attitude.

After what happened to me, you could have.

I don't understand what happened to you, sir.

I know, and this is no way for you to start out getting all nasty like that.

I'm not being nasty.

How was I being nasty?

Because you're like, like that, you know?

Because I'm not a manager, and the manager's here during the day.

So I can't really help you, even though you want me to.

I'm a human being, though.

I am.

What a bitch.

It's a circular machine, though.

It's a circular machine.

Sit, go.

go. That's not about how you need to go about handling this. You see, I knew from the beginning

that you were going to act like that. How did you know I was going to act like that?

Because remember when you went like that and I said, oh, here we go. Kind of. I had that

feeling that you were just going to hang up the phone and just like. No, but it's it's

midnight. Why are you calling now? Because I was sitting around and I had an argument

with my wife because we were discussing it because because she says that I don't stand

stand up for myself and i had a long argument with her and i'm just trying to prove a point i

want to get this written down so okay well you have a writing up people system there you have

a manual there and it has the whole procedure and process that you're supposed to take when

there's a problem like this when sir i i don't write anybody up what time did you come in where

someone was rude to you it was around the same time which i was hoping to be able to call in now

and it was two days ago you weren't there all right missy so maybe i'm sorry i'm sorry okay

listen no no no it's not like that okay i'm listening why i don't i want you to just write

down the complaint and pass it on because i've been trying to call the speak to manager for the

last 48 hours i want you to write down who i am and my name and what happened and i want to get a

call back and i'm gonna i'm gonna call every hour on the hour until i get a call back well that's

not gonna work the manager doesn't get here until 9 a.m and if you want i can write everything down

instead of you talking to a manager yourself and you could tell me what days you were what day you

were in what time and what happened what's your name this is cross first name cross just cross

your phone number it's 888-278-8509 and

what time were you in?

Can you write down my extension?

Sure.

209.

Okay, and what day were you in?

Let's see. Two days ago, it was around 6.15 p.m., 6.30 p.m.

It was on Tuesday.

And there was a girl behind the counter that was rude to you.

I know who you're talking about.

It was the 23rd.

The 23rd.

I went on the internet on my son's laptop, and I looked up the circumstances, and she was under, she needs to accept this.

Pennies are pennies, and it doesn't matter how many pennies I come in with.

She's supposed to accept my pennies no matter what.

Right, and that was your problem? She wouldn't accept your pennies? 309.

And then she made a nasty remark about the fact that I was paying with pennies.

What'd she say?

I don't like to repeat those words. It's not maybe if there's a man I could talk to to talk about it.

Well, there's not a manager.

You can just tell me.

It doesn't really matter.

I'm writing it down.

I don't speak nasty.

All right, fine.

All right, hold on, sir.

Hold on.

I have customers I need to take care of.

She said asshole to me.

Oh, okay.

Hold on.

40 on what, Tom?

4309.

Thank you, everybody, for hanging in there.

We are prank calling the Citgo gas station where they're mean and nasty to me every week.

I hope you're enjoying the show.

It is now midnight, Eastern, 9 p.m., Pacific, Thanksgiving 2010.

Just a moment.

She will come back from helping our customer, and we will continue this prank for you.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Do you hear me?

Yeah, I do.

This is a joke.

No, I didn't know if you forgot, so.

Excuse me?

I didn't know if you forgot.

I couldn't hear her whole music.

I don't know if maybe you forgot or something.

Sir, if this is a joke, I'm not going to, like, report a complaint that's a joke and could get someone passed by her.

No, I've got a full complaint here.

It is not a joke.

So, what's your name?

This is Cross.

And you won't give me a first name?

It's just my name is Cross.

Cross, that's, you know, I don't know what you want to do with the whole name.

Cross is my first name anyway, so.

Well, um, and it was the girl with the short hair.

Yeah, she called me asshole.

That's not very nice.

Well.

Because I was paying with pennies.

I was paying about.

Oh.

So.

Sorry if I was rude to you.

I usually get a prank caller every Thursday.

Oh, no.

But, so, I don't know if you have a record there of the ticket.

It was two smokers' choice cigarettes, like two packs.

Okay.

In the box.

We won't have the record of that, but the only thing, I can give this to her, and she may call you, may not call you,

but the only thing I can tell you to do is to call tomorrow morning.

The assistant manager is going to be in.

He's the only one that really gets anything done.

Oh, so the other people don't really do anything.

We're just cashiers.

We just stand here.

Oh, yeah, so the majority of people there are just, you know, nothing, like cashiers.

Yeah.

So they can't do anything about it.

Right, we can't do anything about it anyway.

They're stupid, yeah.

They're stupid, yes.

Not you, not you, because I know you're an assistant manager, you're a shift manager, so.

But, um, I would tell them, excuse me?

Her name was, like, Fries.

No, it wasn't her.

No, it said that on her.

Was it K-R-Y-S?

I don't know how it's spelled.

When I came out, I said there was an African-American lady.

She said, yeah, I heard what that was.

And we traded information.

And she said, yeah, I know who that was.

And it's something like Cries, Crees.

She told me like that.

And then we traded phone numbers.

And then she said that she was willing to talk to my attorney and everything like that.

Oh, there was someone else that was there.

She was next to me.

Yeah.

And the lady came out after me.

And I went outside.

I was trembling.

I was shaking.

I was smoking a cigarette.

right and she said she told me she's like sir i just want you to know that i saw what happened

wow well if it was a blonde was it a blonde lady no the lady was black that came out what no no no

i mean the woman who was talking who called you an asshole she was blonde well you talked to the

manager yeah i should yeah do you think it's a problem like a serious problem no you were talking

to the manager that was the manager so you're going to report the manager to the manager like

Like, nothing's going to happen.

I don't know.

If you call tomorrow.

Well, this manager cries is going to go.

I mean, I'm going to talk to Bob.

Well, if you call tomorrow and talk to the assistant, he will speak to the district manager.

You don't have, like, the number for the district manager or anything?

No, I wouldn't give it to you anyway.

Well, you could get it, right?

Like, if I went down there, maybe we could call together, like, me and you.

Like, you don't give it to me, but maybe we could call together.

No, not at this time.

I would call and talk to the assistant manager who will be here at 6 o'clock in the morning,

and he can do a lot more for you than I can.

He can make the call to the manager.

It better not be the guy that I talked to yesterday because he was just rude and nasty to me too.

Was it a black guy?

It was some guy named Jerry.

Oh, well, there you go.

I don't know.

He threatened me.

He said to come down.

He said, come down here, come down here.

Like, I have it all on record and everything.

everything like i've been recording all these conversations the whole ever since this happened

she made well i don't there's nothing i can do about it i mean i'm just a cashier you know the

reason i think because i have a my my spouse is black she's african-american and we have a child

maybe i don't know maybe it's one of those kind of things like there's a lot of people i don't

know how you feel about it but you know because well i'm a mixed i'm a mixed girl myself so oh

Oh, okay. So then you wouldn't, you're not the person that I have to worry about.

Right.

But I just, you work with nasty people, have nasty thoughts about, you know, people that live like us.

Mm-hmm.

You know?

Well, I don't know. I can't do anything for you. I can't fix it.

What do you suggest I do then? I don't know.

Um.

Who else there is there that I could talk to some other day?

Um, the manager's name is Van, the store manager.

Big Van?

Yeah.

He's not the store manager.

He's, like, the strict manager.

Would you be willing to go in with me and maybe talk about it?

Probably not.

I wasn't here.

I don't know anything about it.

No, but to help mount my case if you were on my side or something.

I don't know.

I can't help your case out.

I work here.

Oh.

It would be a conflict of interest.

No, it would be more than that because you're kind of, you know, corroborating.

Not really.

You're just explaining to me who you talk to and I know who you talk to.

There's nothing.

You're involved now, no matter what.

No, I'm not.

You took responsibility.

You said you were going to help take care of this for me, so I don't know.

But, sir, I also told you I couldn't take care of it.

You kind of said that you were going to get it taken care of.

The only way to take care of it is to call the one, the B-Way,

unwashed and all, and inkster.

I mean, at the B-Way, the sicko.

He will give you the number for a van.

He doesn't know what's going on, so you could probably easily get it.

Okay.

Oh, that's cool.

So you're half, you're half, um...

I knew it was.

I knew you were the prankster.

What?

The what?

I know you're the prankster.

The person that pranks me every Thursday.

Every Thursday?

This happened Tuesday.

No.

Your call.

Every Thursday.

How many fingers do you take?

Yeah, exactly.

Three or...

Because I get the fourth pinky pretty easy.

Shoehorn it in.

Cool.

I knew you were the prankster.

butt to this. That took a long time.

It was getting to 20 minutes. Good point, Herbal. That's why

I said I got to get in there real

quick. Got to seal the deal. Playing some

Christmassy music here. So Milkman, Lonesome

Losers reporting back from Operation

Breaking Thunder.

Old Navy and Tommy Hilfiger stores

are going to be opening at midnight tonight.

Yeah, Gold

Star. Gold Star.

Thank you, sir. We got a lot of numbers here to call

especially in Australia and stuff. We can call

and ask them about Thanksgiving and how they don't celebrate it.

what are we celebrating down there anyway kangaroo day association day

association of clowns ken what does that girl look like because like i know i fuck with her

and all that but she sounds kind of hot like you know i don't mind a half white you know

half white half black girl she sounds pretty nice a lot of crazy curly hair yeah does she

give good brain what do you know about that ken what happened why do you hate her so much

she used to work with her what happened she cheat on you does she not cheat with you we got that

number for jerry the assistant manager's cell phone good deal let's call we'll call him in a

little bit make a request brendan i don't think she sounds fat i don't know she's a heavier curly

hair girl is she does she look black like a black or like a white what does she look like is she

obama black she got big ears she got big ears like obama she got them big dumbo ears

call the pepsi guy man call the pepsi guy he's not paying his bill uh let me check i don't know

they're gonna be open man you think they're gonna close this door down they're gonna put

an injunction out on the store man and they're gonna close it down for non-payment white white

A white white with big tits.

Bam.

Follow her back.

Get some barbecue sauce in them.

Big baloney tits.

This place ain't going to be open tonight, Milkman.

Come on.

This is America.

Yeah, man.

Go in there and take some pics for us.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

I wanted to make an order.

I don't know if you're still serving duck or not.

Fucking duck.

Hello?

You're up already.

So you make my arrest.

Cold duck.

If I call back here, I'm going to ask you.

How about the buzzard?

Buzzard.

A barrel ass and a porker.

I like this derf, derf, derf guy.

Who is that?

Is that the dad?

Or just some white guy?

Random white man.

Hello?

I don't understand.

I was ordering the duck.

What happened?

Hello, sir?

Hello?

Yes, can I help you?

Duck machine, please.

Machine.

Oh, your number?

No, for duck.

This is the duck line, right?

To get duck.

Yeah, you know, duck.

The bird.

Uh, who is duck?

No, I want to make an order for duck.

Uh, sorry, we are closed today.

Oh, are you in a...

I'm not taking all the clothes, yeah.

You're on a cell phone?

Happy Thanksgiving Day.

Stupid, are you on a cell phone?

No.

Well, you're there in the restaurant?

This is the Golden Duck restaurant.

The Golden Duck restaurant.

Yes.

That's pretty funny.

So you guys got duck there then, but you're just not open right now.

Yeah, yeah, I have a Golden Duck party today close, sorry.

Okay, but you're still there though?

Yeah.

Like you're hanging out?

I don't know what you say.

So just Happy Thanksgiving Day today close, okay?

Okay, sorry, Dan.

Tomorrow?

Oh.

Yeah, Milkman, I don't know.

That's kind of sneaky, right?

Sounds kind of fishy to me.

Yeah.

Cold duck.

Close.

Cold duck.

Duck is close right now.

Cold duck.

All right.

Happy St. Swiggan's Day.

Good point, Herbal.

I think that is what she said.

All right.

Let's call some lonesome-age.

Let's call the Walmart here real quick.

Neighborhood Market.

Walmart Neighborhood Market means it's just a grocery store.

But someday I got one right about the road from here.

I'm going to call them about the door busters.

I'm going to tell them that I want the DVD player for $25.

Remember when that was a big deal?

I think so many people got hurt here in Orlando.

There was a Walmart that opened up.

Some lady fell down because she wanted to get her $25 DVD.

Remember in 2003?

Oh, yeah.

I can't believe it.

They had the $25 DVD player, and they were actually good because you could play.

They were really good at playing burnt DVDs, I remember.

I forgot what were they.

It was some brand with an A.

What was that?

A-TAC, A-VAC, I forgot what that was.

Everyone knew.

Apex.

Was it an Apex, I think?

I don't know.

Acer or something.

No, it wasn't Acer, but yeah, something like that.

All right, let's call them.

Let's do it.

Going in.

Is it turkey sandwich time yet?

No.

Mashed potato, turkey, Masterson sandwich.

I might make a Masterson sandwich.

I'm going to have bread, though.

I do have bread, fucker.

Bread.

Call your neighborhood Walmart.

Yeah, listen, I want to make sure that I get one of those stupid DVD players for $25.

I don't care what I've got to do or how I get in front of the line.

This is the neighborhood market, so we don't sell that.

No, no, no.

I've got to hear my papers that you're going to be selling a $25 DVD player starting at midnight,

and I want that.

I want 10 of them.

Okay, so what I'm trying to tell you is this is the grocery store.

This is the neighborhood market, so we don't carry the DVDs.

You have to contact the super center.

Well, I don't know how long you've been working there,

but i know that on the other side of the store honey there's the place where they have electronics

and you're in the you're in the market side right so maybe i don't know if you knew that

but you can probably transfer me to the people over there in the electronics part that's not

in the market where you have food stuff that you eat in your mouth there's a part of the store

where you they have tv machines and stuff like that okay i'll be glad to give you the number um

No, you transfer me right now.

This is my last quarter, ma'am.

Okay.

Eight, five, nine.

Oh, my God.

You're ignorant.

Seven, two, one, two.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

You're just trying to keep the DVD players to yourself.

Just getting started.

Fuck.

I got the other number from Ken here.

Ken, I just came in the machine.

Don't worry.

We'll call him in a little bit, and after that, we'll have Milkman call and complain

about the $25.

He's going to have you ask about it, too.

All right, folks.

We're here.

We're doing prank calls.

it is thanksgiving night jill he only deals in groceries shooter checking in how you doing

shooter you big fuck good to see you ready go back to the numbers here brendan sent the number

for a denny's i went to denny's once on thanksgiving and we sat down it was packed

fucking packed i don't know what the fuck that was about it was freaking packed yeah it was

like grand slam three nighters we think it was it was me and my ex-girlfriend we sat down and it

It was, like, 30 minutes before we got our drink.

You know?

We were, like, we just ended up, we put our, so we put our order in, waited, like, another

30 minutes.

We were, like, finally, we were, like, fuck this.

Burger King's open.

We just got up and left.

They probably made food and nobody ate it.

So, there were quite a few parties that left that night, if I remember correctly.

I hope you're all drinking tonight.

I sure as shit I am.

Hermano, did Moody send in some shit about Australia?

Some call for Australia?

No.

He keeps messaging us that he sent some shit for us.

Lonesome Loser, according to Nunu, has sent in

Australian numbers. He wants me to call

a stupid American and make a comment about

it being owned by the British.

And now they have a Union Jack on their

flag. For some calls, try to

call collect. Maybe try to collect

taxes for the Queen.

Part of the British

Empire. Good point. Alright, cool.

Let's do some of those. Let's get to those.

Bunch of penal colony.

Australia, way at the top. Let's do it.

Let's just start burning through these numbers. Fuck it.

we're gonna start all right i'll start with australia because he's got the idea in my head

but then we're gonna do guam and we'll burn right through i'm gonna call one australian number we're

gonna call sit go about washing hands from two weeks ago i know from last week rather than milk

man we're gonna try to call the walmart market again get confused about the dvd players and

then we'll burn through some guam numbers hang on give me just a moment here australia oh wait

Wait, this is Sitco Wash Hands.

I'm calling shit.

No, man.

Shit.

Shit, I got an extra number here.

Hang on.

Move person.

You need to call the Windsor house.

Windsor house.

Yeah, that's right.

Got a little confusion here with the numbers.

Hang on.

Ah, it's calling Sitco still shit.

Well, hang on.

I would suck to work Thanksgiving.

I'd shit my cock off.

He's going to get a picture of her for us.

Send it in.

Masturbate to it.

Night.

Well, no answer there, so we're just calling it.

He said you got a nice rack.

Okay, Australia. Here it is.

Am I sent to Paul's week?

Yes, hello. I'm calling on behalf of the Royal Mail Lord of London.

I'm calling regarding a financial matter. Are you the business owner or the manager?

Okay, yeah, they're speaking.

I have it down here that you're behind in taxes to the British Empire.

You've got to be kidding, don't you? Are you serious?

Are you seriously going to try and pull that one with me?

I'm calling from International Business Machines in Chicago, Illinois, United States.

Yeah, that's almost hilarious, mate.

Listen, you pillock.

According to the information I have here, you're members of the British Empire.

You have the Union Jack on your flag.

So you're owned by the British.

You're all British subjects.

And I'm calling to collect on behalf of the British Empire.

Okay.

Goodbye.

You stupid fuck.

That was really weak.

That was my delivery.

I'll call him back and do a catfish song.

I have to sing it, man.

It's going to be great food.

Catfish, catfish, doing that catfish.

Milkman, I downloaded this phone for the Android.

This game for the Android.

It's a fishing game.

It's fucking awesome.

Oh, cool.

It's on App Planet, you cock.

You should get it.

It's called fishing.

Get it.

Have you tried Angry Birds yet?

Dude, I'm addicted to Angry Birds.

I can't stop playing.

I got Athena addicted on it.

Angry Birds, man.

I got the level one lock there on it, dude.

You can go anywhere then.

Why do you cheat?

That way you can go ahead and go anywhere.

That's cheating, man.

Because after about level 10, dude, you get stuck.

Right about level 10.

Whatever.

You're cheating, man.

You're cheating.

All right.

Milkman, you ready to call?

Well, let me call and ask about the DVD player myself first.

So I got things confused here.

Then a little later you'll call.

Hopefully we'll get someone else's time.

Yeah, find out if Chris wants to go out on a date for you, maybe.

You know, maybe she'll meet you.

Freeze.

Okay, good answer.

There goes that plan.

All right, we'll start from the top.

Horse and cow in Guam.

I'm going to talk about how they put the horse and cow together.

You're Farmer McDonald.

I like to masturbate horse and cow together.

Old McDonald had a farm.

Yeah, yeah.

Farmy had a cow.

And a horsey, too.

I got an idea.

Listen, I got a problem here.

You guys got some kind of animals over there.

They're getting frisky.

We have some animals over here that are getting fished in.

Yeah, listen, there's this horse and a cow.

Yep.

The horse is mounting the cow.

Who's this?

Cross.

The horse is mounting the cow in my imagination right now.

Yes, you're absolutely right.

Are you from Guam?

You stupid Guam person?

Huh?

Are you a stupid Guam lady?

Hang on.

Stupid Guam person.

Is this a stupid Guam person?

Who is this?

Cross, is this a stupid Guam person?

Who's this?

This is Cross.

Sorry?

I have no idea who you are.

No, write it down, honey.

C-R-O-S-S.

Okay.

And I'm making a complaint.

Right.

I don't agree with the bestiality that you're promoting over there.

Okay.

Now, horses and cows aren't supposed to live together like that and make love.

Okay.

Horses and cows don't go together.

All right.

So I want you to separate them.

We'll get right on that.

No, I want a ticket number about this first.

I'm sorry, a ticket number for?

For the disallowing of the horse and cow to resolve engagements with each other.

We'll get right on top of that.

I bet you will get on top of that, you pervert.

How are you going to get on top of it? Tell me.

Are you going to mount the cow or the horse first?

What would you prefer?

I want you to get on top of the horse with no clothes on.

Oh.

Then I want the horse to start running real fast and kick you off.

Okay.

And you go flying into the sea.

They don't answer again.

I want to get a name and a badge number for that woman

that was just on the phone over there saying nasty things to me.

There was a woman on the phone right now

that was saying mean, nasty, disgusting things to me.

You hear what he's saying right now, that person?

Okay, hold on. Let me get to Danny.

There's no woman here.

Who's the feminist-sounding Guam person?

Huh?

There's an effeminate sounding and when a feminine person is a man that sounds like a woman a little bit like they're kind of you know

Foo-foo

It's a piece of his phone brother

Don't call me brother

I'm not a stupid Guam person

Not for that milkman

Stop being so racist

All right, let's call this other number in Guam

Fucking Guam

Jamaica restaurant in Guam

What's that about?

I'm so spontaneous

Listen, I'm making a complaint

This man was over there talking about a horse making love to a cow

Uh-huh

I want you to write this person up

and i want to complain i want money okay sorry do you masturbate the horse uh-huh oh you do

masturbate the horse no oh who does the masturbation horse uh nothing someone

masturbates the horse there who is it okay i told you someone does

listen are you the person that masturbated the horse yeah are you the person that masturbated

the horse? Stupid. Are you the person that masturbated the horse? Are you the stupid

person that masturbated the horse? Yeah, you. Are you the person? No. Oh, who was it then? Is this

a man making a voice like a woman? I don't know, man. I don't know that. Do you know horse? No,

I don't know. You don't know what a horse is? No. Do you know dog? Do you know dog? Yeah. Do

you know masturbate? No. Oh, I don't know. Where are you from? I'm from Chuuk. From Chuuk? Yes.

Where's that? What country do you speak?

Turkish

You're Turkish?

Yeah

So what language do you speak if you're Turkish? I know what it is, I bet you don't know, stupid

What language do you speak?

Where are you from? What do you say? What language do you speak? I'm asking you, Banchuk

I'm speaking Turkish

You're from Turkey?

Yeah

So what language do you speak?

Are you from Japan?

Do you speak Korean?

Do you speak Guam?

no what language do you speak first what's your normal language when you go home what language

you speak uh country language now what is the stupid country language why because i want to

communicate the word that someone said to me there in your language oh you want to keep my word what

language is speaking i'll tell you what they said if you tell me i'll translate it do you understand

What language?

It's my language.

What country language, you dumb fuck, dumb shit.

What the hell?

Thanksgiving?

Do you like Thanksgiving?

Thanksgiving.

Nice to meet you.

Yes, do you like Thanksgiving?

I hung up on her.

I hope she was getting fucking blended while on the phone.

Good point.

It's from Turkey.

Does she like Thanksgiving?

What's her feelings on Thanksgiving if she's from Turkey?

I blended my hand.

Her hand in an ice cream fucking blender.

I don't like it when they stick a fist in my butt.

Masturbating dogs and horses in my head now.

Maybe it's just turkey is better than grease.

How can I have three days time?

Help you.

Yeah, listen.

Someone was in there talking about masturbating a horse.

I'm sorry?

I was in there, and this stupid Guam person was talking about masturbating a horse.

One moment.

Fuck you, Nunu.

Fuck turkey.

Turks.

Bastards.

They raped all the Greeks.

Thank you for holding this in line.

May I help you?

Yes, ma'am.

Listen.

Listen, I was in there earlier tonight, and these people were talking about masturbating a horse.

And I want an explanation, I want an apology, and I want to get some type of compensation, or I'm going to report you for bestiality.

When did this happen?

Two days ago, and I've been calling in trying to get an answer, and the person who was talking about it, about masturbating a horse, keeps answering the phone, and they refuse to put me through.

Two days ago, so that was on Wednesday night.

I want you to write down that someone masturbated a horse.

Okay.

Inside the restaurant while I was there.

someone what you want me to do what masturbated the horse right down in the restaurant well they

were talking about it so you just write down that they masturbated the horse there okay and then now

what was your name my name is granny i'm the manager here it's granny ernie ernie all right

how do you spell that e-a-r-n-e-y e-r-n-i-e e-a-r-n-e-y this is cross don't get saucy with

me because i don't speak about nasty things like this and i don't appreciate it is it your first

name or last name no just cross this just my name is cross that's all i need to get your first and

last name just put down cross is that your first name or last name that's my last name i don't

give up my first name okay women that's fine okay so and then i want you to write down this report

you ready for the first line okay cross was in on wednesday okay line two ernie was

Ernie was not talking about masturbating the horse.

Ernie was not?

Ernie was talking about masturbating the horse.

How was I talking about it when I wasn't here?

Well, I don't know who it was, but I just have a name now, so I thought maybe you could help me out.

Okay, but I'm trying to get to the bottom of this on my end, so you cannot be pointing fingers at anybody, especially myself, since I wasn't here.

Now, I'm writing everything down, so I just want to know your contact number.

When I do find out what happened, I can call you back and let you know the situation.

Well, is there any idea maybe who was talking about this nasty thing, this nasty act?

I'm not too sure because I wasn't here the night, but I can go into investigation about it.

But if you're not going to give me your phone number, then how can I contact you back and let you know the situation?

I'm just concerned that maybe there's not going to be, you know...

I'm concerned, too. I'm concerned, too, sir, but I'm trying to tell you that...

But this is me, this is me, this is me and my daughter who had to hear about a horse being masturbated.

You understand?

You weren't even there.

So how does it affect you?

Why do you care?

Let's get real here.

Because this is one of my companies that I work for.

I just wanted to know why you're raising your voice at me when I'm asking you simple questions.

Because you're raising your voice and being rude and nasty and mean to me.

And talking about these nasty things about touching horses and animals.

I'm trying to ask you the situation, that way I can resolve it for you.

We don't live, we don't touch animals.

They can't defend themselves.

They don't know any better.

Neither do I.

So I just wanted to, you know, get your number.

That way when I do find out the situation, I can give you a call back.

I want to...

And let you know that I did handle the situation.

I want...

How can I give you a full apology if you don't give me your number?

No, I don't want an apology anymore.

We're way past that because of your attitude.

And I have it down here that Ernie was the...

Well, write that down for me.

Or just say that someone...

Alright, so instead of Ernie, just say someone talked about masturbating the horse.

Okay.

Okay, and then they had a horse outside.

There wasn't a horse outside, though.

There wasn't a horse outside, but I'm just trying to add to the story to help me out a little bit.

Why would you add something to the story that was false?

Well, because what do you imagine if they were talking about masturbating a horse and they had a horse there already?

I mean, that right there is like, you know, reasonable suspicion right there that Ernie was masturbating a horse.

Between me and you, this Ernie person that you're reporting is a pervert.

I'm Ernie. I'm Ernie.

So I'm going to report myself as masturbating a horse.

but see what I'm trying to get

I'm trying to get to the bottom

of this whole situation

but you're not helping out

by saying that

in a falsifying statement

saying that there's a horse

in the restaurant

that they were actually

masturbating

I can guarantee

there was not a horse

in the restaurant

well

I don't know that the horse

is being masturbated

I just know that Ernie

was talking about it

the whole time

no you said that

I was masturbating a horse

you just didn't tell me

that you told me

that Ernie was masturbating

a horse

when I wasn't even here

so right now

I can't get falsifying

this information

where was Ernie at

this whole time

I was off that night

you should

okay

So now that you're complaining to me, I'm trying to get to the bottom of it,

but I can't if you're going to give me false information about what's going on here.

Where were you at the whole time, though?

You were off, but where were you?

Where were you at?

I was in the restaurant, and you were masturbating a horse, apparently.

So you were in the restaurant watching them masturbate this horse?

No.

Someone was talking about masturbating the horse.

Okay.

So on Monday night, about what time were you here?

It was during the dinner rush.

Dinner rush on a Wednesday night.

I was drinking.

You were drinking there?

Do you remember what you drank so that I can pull it up on our screen?

I wasn't drinking there.

No, I brought in alcohol myself.

I brought in those little bottles of Beefeater.

Oh, okay.

So you brought in your own Beefeater bottles for yourself to the restaurant that closed around 9 o'clock during our rush.

Have a good day, sir.

Have a good day.

All right, Masturbator.

Horsejacket.

Jacket.

You horsejacket.

That was a good one.

Oh, my God.

I repeated that about a dozen times, and people were laughing in the background.

Did you hear them?

Oh, God.

I was trying to start not to laugh.

I thought for sure it was going to...

Hey, give me one.

Instant replay.

I can't.

I don't have that ability anymore.

I heard some girl laughing.

You said, oh, you masturbating whore?

Bacon's making a good point, Bacon is.

The masturbating whores wasn't weird, but bringing outside alcohol was...

That's the line.

I was drawing the line right there.

He got me there.

Well, because it was Beefeater.

Because it was Beefeater.

Yeah, it was just too much. Once you got

bees mixed in with it, it was just too much.

Horse and cow.

How did they get on the topic of masturbating horses anyway?

Because you talked about that in the restaurant before

with horse and cow or horse and dog or something.

Oh, yeah. I'm going to send a great show over

to everybody. All right.

So then the next two calls are about horse masturbation.

Joe Beck.

Can't leave the donkeys out.

We draw the line and bring it in your own alcohol under the table.

Masturbate all the horses you want.

Someone was talking about masturbating a horse over there.

There was someone who was just talking about masturbating a horse.

Get set, call.

Well, that's so you know.

Someone's calling about masturbating horses.

I'm just going to help you.

Did you break the phone, honey?

Wow, you don't know how to use a phone?

What's the matter?

That you hung up the phone?

Hmm?

Huh?

She knows what she did.

All right, let's call Ernie again.

Got an idea for Ernie here.

Man, tomorrow I'm going to go to a buffet.

I'm going to get myself some Chinese food and horse masturbation.

Hopefully it works.

Are you calling hospital citizens or are you speaking to me?

I hope you...

Yeah, I was just calling to follow up on a complaint I had to make about Ernie a little bit ago.

This is Ernie.

Yeah, I was making a complaint about Ernie.

This is Ernie.

Right. Can you put me through to the manager, please?

I am the manager.

You see, when is the real manager in? Because you're obviously trying to cover for yourself.

I'm trying to cover for myself.

You know what you did?

What did I do?

You did a very bad thing.

Like what?

You touched the horse, didn't you?

Sir, this is a form of harassment, and I will prosecute you for it.

No, it's not. It's not. Until I leave the store, it's not phone harassment.

It's not what?

Until I leave your restaurant store, it's not phone harassment. I'm still on site.

Yeah, you're still here. You're in my restaurant at the moment?

I'm outside.

Okay, so why don't you come inside and we can talk about this issue?

Well, I'll come in when I'm done masturbating the horse.

So now you're masturbating the horse?

Well, I can't. You brought it up, and I just started thinking about it.

What is the problem with being a leader?

you don't find horse masturbation oh my god i can't help it they start talking about it gets

in my head i tried to sleep last night all i could think about was masturbating horses now

look at me i can't stop doing it masturbating horses all right let's call the jamaican place

why they're all the way in guam i have no idea but let's find out seriously how did you make

is end up in guam what's that what would you go for one nasty allen to another i'm sorry we got

listeners we got a listener who's got a wife in guam that's not very nice to say i'm about ready

for that turkey sandwich.

Making friends

while I'm speaking.

How am I helping?

Yeah, hi.

Listen, I was in there

and there was a man of color.

Do you know who that was?

No.

There was a colored man there.

Man?

Well, he was saying

something nasty

that he was doing.

No, I'm not sure.

Is there a black man there?

Right now?

A colored man, yeah.

No.

Was there black?

He was talking about

masturbating a horse.

No.

Was that you?

Huh?

Was that you?

Me?

Are you a man or a woman?

I'm a woman.

You have a vagina?

Who's this?

This is Cross.

Who?

Cross.

Okay.

Well, tell me about how the masturbate the horse goes.

Why are you calling asking these questions?

Well, I was in there and someone was talking about it, so now I'm curious.

Well, who was talking about it?

The manager.

My manager?

So you want to talk to my manager?

Yeah.

And you question him?

Yeah, put him on.

Okay, hold on.

All right.

Milkman, are you, like, putting prices on something with a prize gun?

Yeah, man.

I just walked up three cold ducks and two horse jacks.

It sounds like it.

It sounds like you're going to press it.

What are you doing?

It's my keyboard.

Yeah, listen.

The woman already told me that you're the person that did that thing.

So don't try to get out of it.

I want your information.

I'm going to report you.

I don't know what you're talking about.

She said that you were the person that was talking about masturbating the horse.

So are you guys going to order any food?

No, I'm making a complaint.

I'm not complaining. I went in there and there was a person talking nasty things.

And I asked down the woman I was just talking to, you know who she is?

She works there, right?

Well, she told me that you were the person that was saying that.

I was right next to her. I didn't hear anything like that.

She said that she was going to put me on the manager who was saying the things about the horse.

What are you guys complaining about?

I was in there and there was a man who was talking nasty about masturbating a horse.

Today?

Yesterday.

So why did you say that?

I mean, I'm going to write you, I got your, I want to get all your information here, and it's going to be a lawsuit against you, because horses can't defend themselves like you and me.

You really got a lot of time in your hands.

No, I know that I was in there with my daughter, and a man was talking about touching animals, and I called him and asked about it, and the woman told me that she knows who it was, and she put me on the phone with the person.

Somebody was talking about animals yesterday. What time?

I would say it was about sometime during the dinner rush.

During the dinner rush, somebody was talking about masturbating a horse.

I don't think so.

Stupid shit.

Write that down in your book and print it for everybody to see.

A big sign when you come into this restaurant is a stupid shit.

Are you calling me a stupid shit?

Yeah, definitely.

I don't know.

Maybe I need to say it in stupid Jamaican for you to understand.

Why don't you fucking come over here and come over and tell me?

Why don't you suck my bumba clot?

You're a faggot, that's why.

That's a very bad word to say.

You see, now I got you down talking about masturbating horses and now about saying faggot word.

Yeah, you fucking insult me.

I'll fucking tell you everything.

What do you want to hear?

I'm defending myself, a stupid shithead, stupid asshole.

Look, you stupid fucking piece of shit.

Why don't you tell me where you're at and I'll come there.

I'm at Walmart.

You fucking nerd.

You stupid shit masturbator, horse masturbator.

What country are you from?

You've got a lot of time in your hands, huh?

What do you come...

You've got too much time in your hands.

No, I'm going to have a lot of time left over after I kick your ass in less than two minutes

because you're like a woman, you fight like a woman.

Please come over.

When you go to hit somebody, you don't even close your fist like your hand.

You just use your open hand to hit somebody.

You know it, horse masturbator.

All right, he's gone.

Horse jacker.

Enough with the horse masturbation.

I just figured we're starting to beat a dead horse over here.

Beat it, dead horse.

Beat it.

Beat it, beat it.

Move it right along.

Enough horse masturbation.

No, no, your premise is over with now.

It's enough horse masturbation now.

You have to come up with a better idea, Nunu.

Yeah, Nunu.

Now he wants us to call the UK and ask about masturbating horses.

How about the Windsors?

Let's find the Windsors again.

They look pretty, uh, they're pretty saucy.

We'll get to the Windsors, don't worry.

I've got to come up with something other than masturbating horses.

Yeah, that's why I said let's get a Windsor or somebody.

Oh, there's a place in Australia.

How about a wake-up call?

There's a place in Australia called the America Holiday Center.

Let's call them up.

Oh, okay.

I'm going to tell them that I need to call the embassy.

Where do they have a Thanksgiving over there?

Tell them that you're looking for a Thanksgiving dinner.

I'm going to masturbate.

In America.

That's the old Thanksgiving tradition.

It's okay.

Listen, I've been trying to get a hold of you people for a long time.

This is an urgent matter.

I don't understand why you don't pick up the phone until I've called like three times in a row.

I must seem to.

Well, let me speak to the head general, please.

Yeah, what about?

out this is cross valente i've been calling trying to speak to the american embassy for god knows how

long well you got the wrong number it's not the american embassy this is the america's holiday

center it's a travel agent well yes you all listen i called the embassy and they put me through to

you they said i'm on holiday and i'm from america they said if i had any legal problems that i'm

supposed to call the america the center for american holidays no they don't we're a travel

agent we don't we're well put me down because i need i need the money for bail i need to get out

of here they said nothing did nothing to do with us well they're a retail travel agent they've got

nothing to do with legal matters or anything you need to give me diplomatic immunity right now i

got caught masturbating you have to call the american consulate and that is not us goodbye

they put me through to you

Oh, man, I didn't get to do my masturbation thing.

Listen, buddy, you've just got to help me out here.

Just give me some information.

No, listen to me.

We're a retail travel agent.

We have nothing to do with American Consulate.

It says on your information, America Center.

No, we're not.

We're a retail Australian travel agent selling travel to Australians to America.

That's what we do.

We have nothing to do with the consulate.

You have to contact the U.S. consulate

Or the Australian consulate

That has nothing to do with us

Listen, I got caught

I got caught masturbating a horse

And they're going to arrest me

Well, I can't help that

Help me!

Okay, goodbye

I'm an American, help me

Help me

Alright

I got caught masturbating a horse

Oh boy

Still can't get off that subject

A new kicking man

He's a maniac

And he's refusing to answer

Refusing, I tell you

You got a little bit clustered there.

We're calling Walmart.

This is Jeffer.

Yeah, I was calling in earlier,

and the gentleman said he was going to put me down for three DVD players,

and I was wondering if he still maybe had an extra one after that.

We are just the neighborhood market.

Yeah, and the guy said that he was going to transfer over from the other Walmart.

You know who he was speaking to?

Some black.

It was a black.

He was black.

He was a black.

A black.

Yeah, anyway, I was calling because at midnight you were supposed to start selling the DVD players for $25,

and I only got a minute left here, so I need you to hold that.

We're just a neighborhood market.

We don't sell DVD players.

Well, this is the Walmart.

And I said to him before that the grocery department doesn't sell DVD players.

I don't understand why he was picking up the phone, but he's kind of, you know, because he's a colored.

I think maybe he didn't understand.

We are just a neighborhood market.

Like, we don't sell anything.

Like, all we are is a grocery store.

We're just like Kroger's.

We don't sell any clothes, DVD players, nothing like that.

All right.

We're just a grocery store.

What about the $25 VCR combo that's April quarter?

We are just a grocery store.

You don't have anything that's other than groceries there?

Nope, just the groceries.

Do you have air filters?

We do have air filters.

Oh, you see?

You see?

I got you there.

Okay, you have anything else?

What was your name?

What's it matter?

Because I'm writing you down on a complaint.

Okay.

Well, you can go ahead and do that because...

What's your stupid name?

That's not a way to get anybody's name.

I'm sorry, honey.

What's your name, honey?

You ain't got nothing better to do than play on the phone.

What's your name, honey?

Hey, how about you grow up and get a wife?

Why don't you go masturbate a horse?

You didn't get it.

I didn't get it in time.

He's got a problem.

Why don't I grow up?

Hey.

Speaking of which, I'm going to go get a turkey sandwich real quick.

Hey.

Hey, turkey, turkey, uh, masticated Masterson.

Then hold up the camera so we can see it.

I'll put it, I'll put it on the camera.

All right, don't worry.

I'll put it on the fucking camera.

Yeah.

All right, so when we come back, more prank calls.

We've got a lot of numbers to get to here, folks.

It's, uh, we're very behind right now.

Speaking of behind, we're going to get a picture of Chris next week.

from ken so tits not behind i want to want to see her behind well of course we're gonna get

some action milkman one day i'm gonna have a turducken it's gonna be great

i don't know if you've ever had i've never i don't know i've never tried that that sounds

too wild for me masturbating horses are wild anyway in honor of it uh being the one year

anniversary of a call a figure on the break we could go ahead and play one of them prank calls

From last Thanksgiving

That'd be the Bruno Anthology

As a matter of fact

Fuck

We need to find

The Napoleon

Was it the Napoleon Hotel?

What was that French one

That we called

Last Thanksgiving?

Oh yeah

Uh huh

Yeah

It was

It was the French Hotel

It was the Hotel Napoleon

Oh man

We gotta call that right?

Well I'll

I'll play the prank calls

Here during the break

Hopefully we can call

The Hotel Napoleon

That'd be good

More of your requests

You can send them in

If you're using

AOL or Yahoo

Instant Messenger

Madhouse Radio

Again, AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger users, send that over to Madhouse Radio.

Madhouse at live.com if you're sucking that MSN shit.

I think that does it from here, so we'll be back in about...

Give me a few minutes, all right?

I need enough time to make a turkey sandwich, masturbate a horse, et cetera, et cetera.

Listen to the prank call.

Refill your beef eater.

Refill my beef eater.

I brought it back, folks.

I hope this is a good show.

I don't know.

I'm way drunk and I don't even know if I'm doing good.

Probably not.

I have sinned against you, my Lord, and I would ask that your precious good watch and cleanse and restrain until it is in the seas of God's forgetfulness, never to be remembered against me.

One of the most mysterious books ever written is the Book of Revelation or the Apocalypse.

This book reveals the future of the world and your part in it.

The book of Revelation, the last book in your Bible, features apocalyptic symbols and secrets.

Madhouse Radio will be...

GPS in your box, door at the bottom.

When you die, put a trap door at the bottom and you go straight down.

Madhouse Radio is back.

Bigger than a woman.

Not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

I just spilled 44 ounces of Pepsi Max all over the floor here in the studio.

I'm really angry. I don't want to do a fucking show anymore.

more i think i'm just gonna cancel this show i'm so fucking angry i really wanted to drink that

pepsi max man and i had a you know what i had a chance i was like all right i can either make

one regular glass or i can go and get a 44 ounce cup and i filled it with ice you know a lot of

ice in it and i put what was left in the two liter i filled it all the way to the top and so i could

drink it for a while and i spilled every single drop of it on the carpet man every funk it's all

all gone now. It's Dirty Pig Panarty's fault. Sucks. And because of it, I didn't get time

to make the sandwich. I just had mashed potatoes. No sandwich yet. I did make a turkey sandwich

though. But I didn't get a chance to make the mashed potato sandwich. Oh well. Anyway.

So we're back. Madhouse Radio for Thanksgiving. We're going to do some more prank calls here.

Let's get to it.

It's almost, it's 1.30 a.m. right now.

Holy shit.

We got a lot of people tuning in.

Thank you everyone who is.

Let's continue on.

I can't believe what time it is.

And all I've done is talk about masturbating horses all night.

We got the Hotel Napoleon.

We were just listening to the call from last Thanksgiving to Bruno.

And that French girl, I think her name was Eloise.

I don't know.

Whatever.

Let's do it.

Bienvenue à l'hôtel Napoléon.

Hey, buddy, how are you doing?

Good, how are you?

Listen, I'm supposed to talk to Bruno.

He was supposed to send me a shuttle a long time ago, and I never got it.

Well, it's 7 o'clock in the morning in Paris, so Bruno, he's not at work yet.

He will be here at around 9 o'clock.

Well, he gave me assurances that there was going to be a car over here to pick me up

to bring me to the Hotel Napoleon.

And I coordinated with him.

so now it's your responsibility to get the well let me connect you normally the transfers are

organized by the concierge i will connect you with him just a second what was your name of course

she doesn't answer my of course she doesn't answer my fucking question i'm so angry about my soda on

the carpet what do you say don't speak french to me i want you to speak american okay i just

seen you sir monkey listen this bruno guy what's his deal why is he so irresponsible pardon bruno

I don't know. Why is he so irresponsible?

He will be here in five minutes.

But he's irresponsible.

Yeah.

Yeah, I want you to write down that he's not a responsible person.

May I help you?

Yeah, he was supposed to send a car to pick me up, and he's not here.

Where are you now?

I'm at Charles de Gaulle Airport.

And you were supposed to send a Lincoln Town car to pick me up, you stupid.

And you didn't send it.

At what time was your transfer?

I just got here now.

I've been waiting for 10 minutes for the car to come pick me up and the stupid people

Try to call me in 10 minutes. I will try to call the company. Okay, what company gonna call?

You don't know what I'm talking about monkey

I have to check in my

Okay, okay, buddy, no problem fucking is everywhere man everywhere fuck look at this look look at this everywhere

I got everything he hung up on me, but I'm looking man is fucking coke and my fucking diabetes

fucking kit god damn it the one that left the casino five years ago right here probably

fucking ruined my glucometer god damn it man i gotta go through the security insurance to get

a new one damn it evil already's fault every spill that happens here i was talking to some

stupid concierge guy and he hung up the phone on me because he's a stupid you speak english

Do you speak English, American, or do you speak that stupid French?

I speak English if you speak slowly, please.

Okay?

I think I did to you.

Did you understand?

Scott, come on.

Take a bite.

Don't get mad.

I listened to the Malacca show the other day.

That's good, too.

I got French Peter out of your mouth.

I'm straight.

Look, man, I think I'm going to hang up on you with your masturbating horse.

Hi, may I speak to the concierge, please?

Concierge?

Yes.

Your number, please?

The wrong number?

Okay, sir. One minute. I'll check.

Scratch him, man.

Sir, you can call 10 minutes, please?

This has been 10 minutes already.

Sorry?

It's been 10 minutes already.

Ah, he said he'll call 10 minutes.

What are you doing, buddy? Why 10 minutes?

Because my colleague, your check with your...

Call Bruno right now. I want you to call Bruno right now.

Bruno's not here, sir.

Call him. Call him right now.

It's so fucking good mashed potatoes my wife made.

Fucking right man.

She used milk in the potatoes.

That's an awesome idea and she left the skins on some of them so I like it.

Fucking skins on my potatoes

You said that I'm rude because

You said that I'm rude

You said that I'm rude because

I said you're speaking French

I understand that part

You don't like that, my attitude about France?

yes sir you can give me your name please it's cross cross you have a transport here

around with my concierge i was supposed to get transportation in a lincoln town car

with air conditioning inside okay sir okay i call my concierge to because it's here my

you might i call my concierge to check with a transporter give me five minutes please sir

oh no no i can't hold anymore i need can you just send the car immediately okay okay

okay send the car please there's a black man here and i think he's looking at my wallet

your name close yeah okay send it hurry man send it to one minute it's not it's not me

you sound the same

I'm sorry, but I have no information for your transfer.

No, no, no. Send me the car right now, damn it, because there's people out here.

They look scary. They're going to steal my stuff.

Yes, but I have no... I looked for the list of transfers.

I have nothing this morning, the transfer from Charles de Gaulle to the hotel.

Well, that's the mistake, and it's your fault. I'm holding you responsible. You are responsible.

Listen, I checked my list here. I have no any transfer from Charles de Gaulle this morning.

If you try to call in 15 minutes, you will have the room division manager here.

He will be here in 15 minutes, okay?

First it was 5, then it was 10, 15, now it's 5 again.

No, send transport now.

I'm sorry, sir.

What can I do for you now?

Send taxi.

Do you have a car?

Do you have a drive?

No, we have no car here.

How do you get to work?

No, we are working with the company taxi.

You can find also on a shoulder board.

No, no, no, I'm not paying.

Nothing in Chabdebud?

No, nothing.

Hold on, please.

One moment, one moment.

Hold on.

Okay, okay.

Darth Vader's back there.

People send me curses in French.

French.

Hello, sir.

How are you?

Hello.

Fine, and you?

I'm talking to the third French man already.

Coward.

Donkey monkey over there,

who obviously you people don't know how you get your things straight.

Okay.

So, I want you to send a taxi.

I want you to promise me you're sending a taxi to get me immediately.

When, sir?

Zoot!

Send me a taxi.

Now, immediately.

You were supposed to pick me up 30 minutes ago.

Where are you now, sir?

Charles de Gaulle Airport.

So, at the airport, you have a taxi station there?

No, they said they're going to charge me, and this is already supposed to be taken care of.

So, because you booked a transfer before in advance?

Yeah, and Bruno messed up again.

Bruno?

Uh-huh, he messed up.

And you're Mr.?

Cross.

Mr. Cross?

Let me see.

Call Bruno!

Need his number.

Bruno messed up again, everybody.

Yes, sir.

Where's the car?

Yes, you have a reservation at the hotel?

It was all taken care of.

For the time being, I just want my car to take me over there.

But you have a reservation at the hotel or not?

Hey!

Hello?

Yes, sir.

Do you hear me?

You have a reservation at the hotel or not?

Yes.

Yes, under which name, please?

Under Cross.

Cross name?

Cross name.

From today.

Control Z?

Cross. Can you spell me the name, please?

Cross. I don't understand spell.

What are you trying to say?

Can you spell me your name, please?

Cross. What do you mean spell?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Is there anyone that speaks English better than you?

You have a reservation at the Hotel Napoleon.

Hotel Napoleon. That's right.

Oh, okay.

When can I get my car over here, please?

Please help me.

Just one second, please.

Hurry.

Crocs. K-C-R-O-I-X.

No beads over here.

A beefeater, my emo beads.

Yes, sir?

Masturbation and the horse.

So, I don't find any reservation on the cross name.

So, if you want to come to the hotel...

Bruno, look, call Bruno.

He knows all about this.

I'm supposed to come...

Bruno is not here at this time, sir.

So, if you have a reservation, you take a taxi now.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You made a mistake.

This is your fault.

No, no.

Sir, I don't have any solution now, so...

Make a solution.

What's Bruno's cell phone number?

I don't have...

No, let me see.

Just one second, please.

Your phone number?

Yes, sir.

You may have the text.

So, can you call me again in 10 minutes?

I call Bruno during this time.

And I check with him.

Can you conference me with Bruno?

Because I need to explain to him what's happening.

I can tell you your phone number, maybe.

What is your phone number, sir?

No, he's American phone.

He can't call me in American phone.

So, I call you...

Of course, I can call you, sir.

No, no.

Just private information.

We're not speaking any other language here, right?

It's private.

So it's up to you.

If you...

I can call you or not.

Give me phone number to Bruno.

No, impossible for me.

I can give you the hotel phone, and I call you back in ten minutes.

I'm going to call you back.

You're going to talk to Bruno, right?

All right, all right.

Listen.

Thank you.

Hey, listen, wait a minute.

Hey.

Yes, sorry?

Ask Bruno about monkey.

But Bruno is not here this time, sir.

You're going to call him, you shit, right?

Hello?

yes so let me call bruno and call me back in 10 minutes i call you what's your name carlos carlos

carlos yes all right buddy i'll talk to you later buddy all right carlito see you all right all right

papa all right you got that 10 minutes look when you are like darth vadering over there

you still have the cpap machine yeah you use it still no can you um can i buy it off for you

no i just put it on whenever i do shows i put it over the microphone so it kind of adds a little

little uh no no but i want to get i want to try it out before i buy it like can i maybe get one

i'll put you know between me and you yeah yeah yeah i'll yeah i'll send that i'll email it to

you in just a little bit is it safe to use someone else's c-pad machine or should you not do that

i wouldn't recommend it because it has to be set to a pressure that's uh physically compatible

with your body man really wow can i put my dick in it if you do that you'll probably explode

load no like literally no we don't want that like a balloon yeah because that thing puts out

all right that's a hell of a blow job there you could blow up a damn balloon

literally a blow job uh the white boys at phone losers here are rallying up a phone bridge i

might join that here on the air let me check with them here so they're ready

and i'm sorry it's a weird show i just been drinking and i thought it worked out because

because last year I drank a whole bottle of wine on the air

and called Bruno, but he's not there.

Apparently he's got a different shift now.

But we've had fun.

We've got a lot more...

I'm not leaving until I finish all these numbers, Milkman.

I don't care what fucking time it is.

We've got to call the UK numbers here soon,

because at some point it's not going to be a wake-up call, really.

It's just going to be a good morning call.

All right, so let's get burning through these bitches.

Jian Zhu in Guam.

Let's call them here.

Hey, we'll have this Jamaican grill, too, here.

Let's call new numbers before I start calling them back.

Okay, let's stick to that.

Jesus.

Yeah.

That cross is C-R-O-I-X.

That's what Jeff's telling me.

Yeah, croix.

Croix.

Is it croix or croix?

Saint Croix.

No, no, croix.

That's croix in French.

Croix.

That's right.

You used to live there.

You used to live in Croix.

Saint Croix.

Right, right.

That's right.

Saint Croix is what it stands for.

Crazy shit.

You guys call it, you call it Santa Cruz, but it's Saint Croix in French.

Milk, man, what was that crazy thing?

There was some crazy thing that happened this week.

Do you know how I'm always into the world kind of stuff?

And fucking, what happened this week?

Pavarotti.

Pavarotti?

Luchani.

He's dead.

He's been dead.

Yeah, yeah.

What are you talking about that?

He's been dead for like five years, like three years.

This week in history.

Oh, wait a minute.

Damn it, I know.

Don't mess around.

I know what it is.

It's fucking North Korea.

Artillery shelled South Korea two days ago.

Oh, yeah, yeah, an island full of non-military personnel.

Yeah, well, no, they had it, no, Milkman, they have a military base on that island, sir.

It's a disputed island, and those Koreans, South Koreans, have a military base there.

Well, basically, I mean, I just want to point out, folks, we, you know, the Korean War never ended.

There was an armistice, but never an end to hostilities, so technically the two sides, including us, are still at war.

Isn't that where we have the most non-combat troops involved right now?

Is it a 38th parallel?

I don't know, dude.

I'm way too out of it right now.

Yeah, I think that's right.

39th, 38th, something like that.

I don't know if you all remember, but the movie M.A.S.H., the true story, Chronicles,

the people that had to build that bridge in Korea,

and then they blew it up while they were running

away from the Germans who were trying to cross

it because they were trying to save

Private Ryan and at the end

Tom Cruise shot himself in the head

in front of a tank instead of getting captured

it's a beautiful movie it's called

River on the Bridge

St. Croix and it's a true story

about one of the battles of North Korea

stars Matt

yeah River St. Croix

stars Matt Damon

Tom Cruise

and fucking Frank Sinatra

Check that out, man.

That's a very, very good movie.

Should have won an Oscar, but it did not.

No brown people are allowed on the bridge, Tron says.

Well, you know what?

Fucking shit.

Okay.

Tron's banned from the PLA room here pretty soon if he doesn't start apologizing.

Well, you know, that whole thing is, dude, okay, we have been funding them for all these years as the military on South Korea.

Not as much as the Jews.

When they started that nuclear shit, then we started banning them from their money.

So every time they want to get some more money from the Western world, meaning America, they start doing military action.

And now they're digging a hole in the side of a mountain to test another nuclear bomb.

An American scientist was over there last week and they found an unknown light water reactor, right?

It was making low-grade uranium.

And coincidentally enough, all of a sudden this event happens.

I want to just remind you of the fact that we're talking about kind of the same region where the Gulf of Tonkin incident occurred, which got us involved.

I mean, we were already involved in Indochina and Vietnam at that point, but that's what solidified LBJ's insertion, so to say, of vast amounts of Marines and Army men.

And to some extent, the engagements from the Navy to Vietnam, same thing happened in the Spanish-American War, a false flag operation, the bombing of the, what was the boat that got bombed in Havana Bay, Havana Harbor, what was it? Remember the what? Not the Alamo, not the Florida, whatever it was.

The Sadie Hawkins.

The Sadie Hawkins dance.

The Sadie Hawkins.

What the fuck is the US of Sadie Hawkins?

It's a traveling prostitute ship.

The Kansas City Rolls.

Yeah, that's it.

Oh, man.

Anyway, whatever.

What I'm trying to say is, you know, it's kind of funny.

You're right, though.

You got your historical facts right.

You know what I'm getting at, but it seems like bullshit to me.

i think let's just go ahead and take out north korea because they're just fucking assholes man

you know they just want to be assholes and i think it's i don't think the united states should get

involved but we should turn south korea loose but that's bullshit because the minute we turn south

korea loose north korea is a probably north korea is of the mentality and especially not just king

jung il but it's his son that's in charge now for the most part anyway king joel is very sick

sicker than castra and his daughter and his daughter is it his daughter dude there's some

weird and i didn't just start looking this up when this event happened but you know a few years ago i

just started i want to look up the king jong-il family and he had one son that was like the the

one who was supposed to be the successor and it was western uh he was um you know western educated

and stuff and but he got caught traveling with viagra and fake passports to tokyo disneyland

or something like that and it was a big embarrassing event then he ended up defecting

to china a bunch of fucking horse shit yeah

so it's somebody else but apparently

they're saying that he's the dude the new guy in charge is the guy who went ahead with a new

operation but what i'm trying to say is um you know north korea they've already it's very probable

if there were ever were to be a full military engagement between the north and the south and

in theory including the united states um they they're going to blow their dams in the south

portion of north korea uh which if you think about it all those rivers travel down south

into into north korea and they're expecting that they could be able to flood out like

like huge, vast, largely populated city centers

by blowing all their dams.

They'll do it.

I mean, King Jamil said basically

they built dams and diverted rivers on purpose

just for the ability to basically blow them up

to fucking flood out, like,

most of the rivers that head into

the northern part of South Korea.

I think it would affect Seoul for all intents and purposes,

if I understand right.

Well, they say he's whacked.

He's nuts anyway.

He's got syphilis or some shit.

So, you know, he's a mental case.

He is a mental case.

And the final end for syphilis is, you know, is mental deterioration.

The microbes start eating away your brain tissue, literally.

Yeah.

They also said that's what was wrong with Hitler, too.

Yeah, and from what I understand, he also masturbated a horse.

I'm sorry, Milkman, you didn't catch that because I knocked the mic down.

My joke was that I also heard that he masturbated a horse.

And then normally at this point I start playing the music.

I think he was in association with Bruno in the Napoleon Hotel.

New news, Satan.

I need to tell the people in the UK all this information.

Good point.

All right, come on.

Let's get to pranks.

I keep fucking slacking.

Yeah, let's call them up and let them know.

We got some time before we call the Hotel Napoleon again.

Yeah, we love Hyundai and Samsung.

I'm writing.

I want everyone to know here, breaking news on the air and in both chat rooms.

Tron is being written up.

Yep, Tron in the Phone Losers chat room is now officially written up for making racist comments.

Thank you.

It's done.

All right.

Continuing on with the prank calls here.

Lonesome Lose is like, fucker, it's my calls.

Yeah, I heard that they're going to try and bring out the Samsung PlayStation to take over the Japanese lead in the platform gaming.

Samsung PlayStation?

Yep.

There's a Samsung version of the PlayStation coming out with the PS3?

Are you being serious?

right is there are you joking around it's like the kia you know they brought out the kia

you know and the hyundai to try to take over toyota nissan well no i know i know sony has

leased out the architecture of of the playstation 3 to other a few other companies they can make

their own version of it i think the nintendo 64 had a version that was made by phillips i believe

for a while i don't know the sony playstation the first one was originally the super nintendo

um cd system but it got canceled because the sega one was shit and it tagged and nintendo said we're

getting the fuck out of here but before they did that before they did that like a month the one

month they came out and they said yeah we got our plans with sony you know they're almost done with

the super nintendo cd system whatever and then next month was e3 or one of those shows ces maybe

and then they turned around and announced that they they built the they built a system with

phillips i think it was right and i think phillips ended up getting pissed off at them and they built

a cdi i forgot who the the second company was but originally was uh sony and sony um nintendo's

always been really big on they they want to get all the licensing money off of um making the game

other than the games being made by third parties they want to take a big cut of that that just

doesn't fly anymore and i started with nintendo 64 that's where that's why because that's why so

many third-party games are going away with cartridges yeah they're going away with

cartridges. There are no cartridges. I mean, yeah, ROMs

and chips are gone. It's all

this now. Yeah. There's gonna be downloads

after this. Well, Nintendo was stupid

because it was, like, the late 90s

and you're already... Right. The Sega Saturn

was already out. The PlayStation was already

out, both using CDs. Right.

And they refused. They said, well, we're gonna use

fucking cartridges. Why? Because that gave

them the control to, like, fucking...

Right. You know, jack up, you know,

get the extra royalties, an extra

cut off of the developers. They were trying to

to pull the apple move yeah and capcom and ea and all the all the big powerhouses that were behind

them when the nes and snes days were like okay well we'll go to sony we'll go to sega and sony

for the most part make our games they're much cheaper on a cd than a fucking cartridge and you

can fit a lot more you know on your game hey what they pulled the apple move they want to control

the hardware and now computers run the world not apple it's gonna happen you're gonna see apples

Apple with their iPad and their iPhone, their iOS, I got a feeling they're the hot shit right now.

But to me, Nintendo was the hot shit in the 80s and 90s.

And they operate in a way where you get to take advantage of it while it's hot.

But after that, eventually, the market does open up.

And I think Google's been a big cause of that here with Android, very open.

Oh, yeah?

Yes, hi.

Hello, who's this?

Yes?

Yeah, hi, listen, I had to make an incursion here.

There was someone over there who was talking some things,

and I had some complaints, and fisticuffs started,

and there was something involving a horse.

Hello?

Yeah, hi, can you hear me, sir?

This?

This is Cross.

I got to come up with another name at some point, but this is Cross.

Who's Cross?

My name.

Remember you asked me who was this, baby?

Yeah.

And what did I say?

You did something?

I need to make a complaint.

Complaint?

Who is this?

This is the restaurant.

restaurant okay well your name i think you got the i think you got the wrong number no this is

the right number that i'm supposed to call where are you going to order food well i already had

food there and it was bad the gian juju yeah uh-huh it was bad food which one gian ju yes

what did you order before the number two what do you mean number two number two special we don't

have a special here by numbers you have the numbers on the menu we don't have the number

on the menu um is there someone who's not a stupid woman that i can talk to

who's there what did you order when this came here um it was 48 hours ago but is 48 hours

so what did you order is there really not a uh someone who's not a stupid woman that i can talk

to i think you got the wrong number no this is gianju yes so i i'm asking you what did you order

48 hours ago

That means today is Friday

So you came here Wednesday then

No, but I left right after I got on the plane

I don't even know what day it is anymore

I'm in Honolulu now

What did you order?

Um, Jianju

Yeah, so what did you order 48 hours ago?

It was like, it was rice involved, you know?

What?

Rice

Yeah

Uh-huh

Rice?

Rice

Just rice?

Yeah

We don't say just rice here

well no i had rice in it yeah you know why don't you come down here you're not you want to complain

okay no write it down write it down i'm not there anymore i'm not hearing myself on the phone

sucked it was ass ass call i've had some farts tonight usually the thanksgiving show i fart a

lot on the phone i was talking to an effeminate man over there in france yes sir let me help you

are you the effeminate hello may help you sir yeah you're supposed to send the taxi to pick

me up and you still haven't damn it so please take a taxi at the airport and we pay the taxi if you

you ask in advance you don't listen i want to be honest with you okay i'm sorry i got into a fight

at the airport and they kicked me out but where are you now i'm outside of the airport and the

taxi the taxi station there the taxi guys are refusing to pick me up because of my attitude

I got into a fight with a black man who drives a taxi

And they said if I came around again that they were going to break my neck

You don't have only one taxi at the airport, so you take another one?

No, they all got together and they threatened me

Just one second, please

Okay, are you there, milkman?

These people are refusing to send a taxi to pick me up, this is unacceptable

Sir, we are not refusing it

Then why isn't I here?

I don't know what happened, sir.

I have to check with my manager when he's here.

But I think when we send you a taxi now, it will take longer than if you take a taxi from the airport.

I don't know what you prefer.

But they don't want to, they said they won't take me anywhere because I got into a fight.

I'm sorry?

I got into a fight with the taxi man already.

And he, I punched his car.

The taxi, I kicked it and I punched it.

Uh-huh.

So they said that if I came around again, that I was going to get in trouble.

Well, if it's like that, I can check with the concierge.

He can send you a card.

But otherwise, do you have a reservation at the hotel or not?

Because I don't have anything under your name.

Bruno made the secret reservations for me because I'm a special friend of his.

And do you have a family name?

Beefeater.

Bruno Beefeater?

No, I'm Cross Beefeater.

You mean the reservation's under that name?

well that's my name but Bruno put it on the secret name because we have

relations with each other and he doesn't want anyone to know oh that we have

sexual relations like I don't want you to tell anybody about this but he's

gonna I'm getting one bedroom one bed one room one bed and it's gonna be two

men in the bed together and it's Bruno and me don't tell anybody because it's

secret he's not supposed to tell anyone that all right yes um yes all right um but i mean maybe you

you know um okay so actually now it's just the thing about the car um just a second yeah don't

hold on just a second they're threatening now look when are you there

Welcome to our hotel on the internet at www.hotelnapoleon.com.

Visit the hotel on the internet at this address, www.hotelnapoleon.com.

Hotel Napoleon will welcome you. We will answer your call. Thank you for your patience for a few moments.

Welcome to the Hotel Napoleon. We are happy to be with you. Please hold on.

Situé à deux pas des Champs-Élysées et de l'Arc de Triomphe,

dans un style impérial, l'hôtel Napoléon vous séduira par son charme

et son cadre authentique emprunt d'histoire.

Situé à deux pas des Champs-Élysées et de l'Arc de Triomphe,

Hello?

Hey, buddy.

Yeah, so maybe the easiest way is that you just call Bruno and you receive a turn, huh?

I'm not allowed to call him.

Well, you can call him. He will pick up.

Bruno, I mean, he's a...

Well, he hasn't given me his number yet because we've been on the Internet.

Well, I don't know, sir.

I can't help you with it.

He sent me money by Western Union, you know, American Express money.

All right.

To have sex with him.

I don't think so.

No, no, no.

Listen, I'm telling you, please don't tell anybody about this.

Did you tell them that I'm his friend already?

No, no, no.

I'm not like that.

But I just don't know what to do at the moment.

That's why I told you maybe it's better to see with him what happened

When does Bruno get in?

Bruno will be here in an hour, an hour and a half

He will be here

So maybe you just call back and then I put you in

You can talk to him directly

Is the horse there?

Who?

The horse

Who's that?

The horse, you know horse?

Yes

Yeah, is he there?

I don't know who's there

He's a black man, they call horse

No, he's not working here

Oh, yeah.

No, he's a friend of ours.

He's supposed to be there with drugs.

Well, um, I think it's better I hang up now, huh?

Uh, so you sit in an hour?

We're not gonna talk tomorrow?

The old black guy called a horse.

Alright, yeah, I think we should stay on the air another hour.

Milkman, are you there, you cunt?

Shit.

Milkman!

Call him back. He's not answering.

About time they reset their conference anyway.

The drugs went way too fucking crazy, Serge.

What happened?

I don't know, man.

You said, Milkman, and you're gone.

I kept saying hello, and you never answered.

Why don't you talk when I ask your phone?

How was I answering you?

I'm laughing

Why couldn't I hear you?

Because this time

Everyone heard it

Milkman, you don't answer the phone

Everyone was listening

Oh

When it didn't happen

There's proof now

This call might be

Recorded and monitored

I just want to let you know that

Milkman

You might not be aware

Cross people

We're at the call in an hour

I know, we're at the call in back

Asking about the horse

Yeah, the blood triangle

He's the black stuff in the middle

Yep

All of a sudden, it's all straight

Yeah

People aren't answering

Move them right along.

You're a senator, and you drive a Dodge Stratus.

Do I drive a Dodge Stratus?

I did say that.

And they should pick you up.

It's called Hopper's Takeaway.

In the vehicle at your customs.

We're calling Hopper's Takeaway.

Just a moment.

I want to remind everyone who's listening right now,

be sure to visit madhouselive.com and participate.

In our monthly Madhouse Listener Poll,

the poll is available on the front page as well as the chat page.

Or you can just go to madhouselive.com forward slash poll.

Poll. Vote for who you'd most...

Again, this is just your opinion. We're not holding anybody

to anything. Poll. P-O-L-E?

P-O-O... P-O...

P-O-O-L-E. Yeah, P-O-O-L.

Yeah. No, P-O-O-L-E.

Poll. And vote for who you think

should return. But now I gotta add... Who did you say?

Joop we gotta add? And who else?

Who's the other person? Well,

John Ward. John Ward and Joop.

Yeah, Joop was on the list. Yeah, Joop

was on the list over there, and you people didn't put

his food in the bag. Stupid. Uh,

excuse me, you've got the wrong number? No, this

This is stupid, Hoppers.

No, you've got the wrong number.

This is Quack's Cafe.

All right, so we'll go with that.

Why don't you put the stuff in the bag when we went there?

Excuse me.

Stupid.

You've got the wrong place.

This is a completely different establishment.

Maybe because there's a different accent because you don't speak English

because you're from Australia, a different country.

Maybe you don't understand.

I'm actually from Ireland and I speak English perfectly well,

but you've got the wrong number and the wrong business.

I know this is a weird country, you know, where you have different laws and your people are different.

Excuse me, could you be a little bit more respectful, okay?

You've got the wrong number, and you've got the wrong business.

Is this Quack's Cafe?

Oh, man.

All right, we're calling back.

I looked at the wrong line.

Shit.

Whoops.

Can you burn gin?

I'm going to try to light it on fire.

Quack's Cafe, good afternoon.

Hey, this is Quack's Cafe.

Yes?

You people didn't put in the food for Mr. Beefeater.

Sorry?

Mr. Beefeater.

Didn't he get his order?

What order?

The horse, you know?

The secret, the horse.

I think you got the wrong number.

Who do you want to talk to?

Quacks Cafe.

Yeah?

Yeah, why didn't I get the order for Mr. Beefeater?

I don't know what you're talking about.

You understand?

What did you order?

What the hell are you doing?

I'm putting my mouth together and blowing air in it.

Oh, all right.

Yeah, that's really nice.

Yeah, okay.

That's what it sounds like when you have sex.

It sounds like that when it goes in.

Oh, really?

That sounds disgusting.

That's what it sounds like, your big vagina.

Really? Oh, have you seen it?

Yeah.

Fuck you, okay? Just leave us alone.

No thanks. No thanks, big vagina.

Are you wasting your time or something?

I don't know. Do you have other things to do?

Huh? I can't get...

What's your name?

Huh? This is Beef Eater.

Beef Eater.

Excuse me, but if you're not man enough to come in person

and to face, you know, the people that you're actually calling and pranking,

that's a very poor reflection of yourself

and it shows your lack of maturity

so I suggest that you stop wasting our time

and your time and your money

have a little bit more respect

and stop doing this

excuse me ma'am

do you want me to come in

no he doesn't answer that

turned out to be hilarious

you got bummed man

I didn't know what else to say

then she put on some queer back on the phone

that guy got back on the phone

excuse me

That's gals, bye

Awesome dude, awesome call

Take this fucking hat off

You've been with a woman like that before

No fan, don't lie, you know what it's like

Some women are like that

Neo, she's like that

You're not supposed to kill anybody, baby

Neo's like that

That's what I hear, I don't know

Neo's like that too

He's like that in his ass

After Katie Gingham ran me out

Alright folks, continuing on

more numbers to call

thank you for tuning in

to Madhouse

Thanksgiving special

it is now Black Friday

you know something

I think we're going to

make it to 3am

if we stay up for Bruno

we'll be able to call

that local place

that is open at 3am

free fucking

yeah

I'll just be perfect

double shot

talk about

masturbating horses

why not

is that going to be

the title of this show

jeez

yeah but

I got a question

we need to call

horse expert

with her horse trainer.

How do they masturbate

with their shoes

on their hooves?

I don't know.

There's been a black guy

named Horse.

Didn't I say

there's a black guy

named Horse?

I got that from the movie

Full Monty.

You love Triangle, yeah.

Yeah, he's a chocolate

in a white Oreo

double stuff.

Oh, man.

With you and Bruno.

Seriously, man.

I'm going to end the show

forgetting that.

That guy does have a point.

If I'm going to be

immature like that,

you never finish

the sentence, though.

What does it mean?

He had that.

He started.

Did I be doing a prank call?

Oh, don't act like you didn't hear that.

Hello?

Quality.

Dinkin' Dunnies.

Handyman for hire.

They're in Australia.

All right, cool.

Let's call Dinkin' Dunnies.

The fuck?

I think we were into the Dunkin' Dina.

Dunkin' Dina.

I like Dunkin' Dina.

They have good coffee.

All right, Dinkin' Dunnies.

Builders, contractors, and handyman for hire.

Thank you for calling On-Site Rentals, Dinkin' Dunnies.

Our office hours are 7.30 to 4, Monday to Friday.

Personal receptionist is not available.

Cunt.

Thank you for calling on site.

Fucking message.

What time is it over there?

It's past four?

Wow.

It's like tomorrow night already?

No way.

Can't be.

It's got to be lunchtime for them or something.

Jeez.

Is it?

No, it's not time.

We've got 45 minutes left here to call Bruno.

It's about 13 or 14 hours past where you're at.

Two.

It's like three?

Really?

Wow, man.

That's trippy.

Yeah.

He's got a horse farm, right?

Yeah, 2259, what's your 10-10-20 over?

Hello?

Yeah, this is Mr. Beefeater.

This is Mr. Middleton.

That's me.

You asked me who I was, and I answered the question.

Who do you think you're calling?

JCCM Middleton.

Where'd you get that name from?

We got it from International Business Telephone Machines.

Right.

So, basically, we're calling with your morning wake-up call,

as well as your support scores of the day.

You sign up for Irish football scores.

And I also have the breaking news report.

Will you please cancel all that and stop calling me?

You have to go through the first one, or the system will cancel you.

It keeps dialing automatically.

No, you cancel it.

You set it up.

You cancel it.

Don't be disrespectful.

disrespectful. If you ordered this,

you cancel it yourself. I haven't

ordered anything. It's not my

responsibility. You do your own things that

you have to do, and I do my things that I have to

do. I put my pants on one leg

at a time in the morning, just like you.

This call is getting embarrassing.

Will you please get off the

line and stop calling me?

Masturbating a horse. No,

I didn't tell him that part.

The customer calling machine

is back.

This call

It's getting embarrassing.

That's a good one.

That's a new one, actually.

Oh, jeez.

He's going to be listening to the rest of the show in bed.

Nice.

Oh, man.

So Herbal Bacon, or Bacon as I'm calling him now,

is offering a stop by that set goal.

So we got two people going there.

We should get him to go there and broadcast, you know, take pictures live while we're cranking it.

At least, yeah, at least one of them.

Yeah, one of them takes a camera and, you know, take a video of it and send it to us and upload it.

We'll put it on the stream.

You can put it on the U-Stream.

Oh, man, my ribs hurt.

Plus, we want to see your tits.

Kicked in the chest by a horse.

Call a horse expert and find out how they master it with shoes on.

On the hoof.

Download 81056. Nobody here at present. Take your call. Leave a message. Speak the beat.

I am speaking from International Business Telephone Machines, and I command you to pick up the phone and resolve this matter at once.

I am broadcasting my voice in this location, and I know I can be heard.

Only a man with no relaxation of his bowels would be unable to speak to me now.

You're obviously in the middle of a bowel movement, perhaps.

Mr. Middleton, hello.

Bowels.

That was weak.

All right, we'll call another Middleton here.

Let's do that.

Play another music.

Don't laugh if it's not good.

That's just embarrassing.

No, that was good.

This call is getting embarrassing.

That's what I said.

That's just embarrassing, Oakman, for you to laugh at that.

This call is getting embarrassing.

We've got to save that line.

Cut that out and we'll play that sometime.

I've got a whole bunch of them we need to do that with, recent calls.

stuff yeah somebody listening to this cut that out kokanee will be listening this later cut these

out when we mention kokanee baz will be listening hello baz where anybody didn't ring through try

it again sorry milkman i didn't mean to yell over you real quick there like i did wake up baz

big baby baz wake up bitch his stomach's full of turkey right now so he can't talk they don't

eat turkey where baz is from where does he live he's from canada uh canada doesn't have their

Thanksgiving at the same time, Milkman.

Oh, that's right.

The only turkeys they got running free right now are in the UK and named Nunu.

Nunu.

You

got ten turkeys and one horse.

We've got to call a horse expert.

Lonesome Loser, can you give us a number

for a horse expert hotline?

Horse breeding in England or something.

I don't know.

A horse breeder or a horse expert hotline

because we've got a very important question.

How do the horses masturbate with sheep on the road?

It's going to hurt.

Horses, they just do it in the air, man.

They just flop it against themselves.

I've seen a horse do that, don't worry

Yeah, hey, listen

The horse gets like as big as my arm

I didn't know if you knew that

They flop it in the air

That's how they get off

I just got to share that with them

Hey, hello

Hang on

This is BT Telephone

Thank you

Hello, sir

Middleton

Milton, I hung up.

He was trying to do Star 69, whatever version of that.

Oh, shit, I didn't hear it.

It's such fun.

Milton, what were you saying, though?

What were you saying?

I didn't mean to interrupt you.

Go ahead.

We want to ask him what time it is.

That's right.

Tell him you're working at Westminster Abbey and you need to know what time it is.

Set the clocks.

Set the clocks, yeah.

I'm calling from Big Ben.

Yeah, Big Ben.

I'm the Lord Mayor of London.

To Palmer Square.

coming up on

39 minutes before we call Bruno

and possibly more than likely at that point I would expect

we'd end the show being that's going to be 3am

everyone who's still

hanging in there this is Madhouse Radio

a very surly Carlito

Milkman is online Black Friday at this point

Thanksgiving we've been basically

talking about horses masturbating

all night

Nuna's in bed right now maybe he's

masturbating

yes we have reports

that there's a horse being

masturbated over there. If you could please call

us back at star 2 pound 1.

Thank you. I don't know what else to say.

Leaving voicemails for these people.

Yeah, but Nunes in bed right now listening to the show.

He's probably, you know, doing a little bit of

flying. That's cool. That's hot.

Do it. I like that where you

got a guy answering with a number

and you said 10-4-0-1 with a 10-20.

6-4-9-4.

10-4 with a 10-20.

This is a private house in Scotland.

This call's getting embarrassing.

That's fucking, that's the title of the show this week.

When it finally makes it out.

This call's getting embarrassing.

I'm playing a prank on him.

Hey, where do I find PlayStation ROMs at, man?

What's going on, buddy?

What's your current status?

Six, four, nine, four, over?

Thank you.

Copy, what's your 10, 12?

Thank you.

Did you get...

I forgot who you called last.

We'll call this one maybe.

Maybe it might be a redial here.

Where do I get PlayStation ROMs at?

Torrance, but there's a site I found that you can just download them straight up.

That's what I need.

You can send me that link later.

Yeah, are you playing on your Android, or are you going to play on your computer?

I can't, because the PlayStation ROM site's fucked up here, but I got the emulator.

Okay, yeah, well, you got the emulator, but you have to convert the...

You download the file, but you have to convert it to a special binary format.

Oh, whoa, I got them converted already, though.

I only have two games, but I can convert them for you, and I'll send you those.

Yeah, I want Demolition Derby to start out with.

Demolition Derby.

All right, I got the Final Fantasy.

If you want the Final Fantasy games, you can.

Some of the games aren't compatible, just to let you know.

Okay, all right.

Okay, cool.

All right, whatever.

I'll get on that just like that fried yucca recipe.

You know what I mean?

Ah, okay.

Okay. Well, are there any more Brits that are sleeping?

Maybe we should find out if there's anybody here to experience the madhouse.

The house experience.

Hello?

Yeah, hi. Is this Middleton?

Yeah.

Oh, good. Did I wake you up, or were you already awake?

Oh, I was already awake.

Are you going to work?

Hello? Are you supposed to go to work, you know?

Mm-hmm.

All right, and when you go to work, you're going to masturbate a horse, you know?

Mr. Middleton. Mr. Middleton!

Speak. Speak, doggy.

okay hello let me try them again you need a horse expert get a number for a horse expert please

dude you can't clear that so easy let me find a horse expert answer

middleton i know you're there i know you're listening why don't you answer

stupid this is 6494 hello fuck you fuck all right oh we got some windsors here

horse experts over in london or in england maybe how about that well let's see here you know i i'm

I'm so behind on the show.

We started, what, at 11, 11.30?

Yeah.

Lonesome sent in numbers for an old Navy that was going to –

a few old Navies that had midnight deals.

It's now two and a half hours later.

Maybe I can do something with that.

Okay.

Maybe I can do something with that.

Maybe.

Do you think they're still open?

How does it work?

If they do the midnight sale, they open at midnight for, like,

maybe an hour or two, and then they leave, right?

They don't stay open until, you know, 4 or 5 in the morning.

No one's going to come out 4 or 5 in the morning, right?

I think they stay open for several hours, dude.

It's like a blue light special or some shit like that in the middle of the night.

Call them.

Fuck it.

Call them.

Well, maybe they're still there.

Maybe they're back there masturbating.

Tell them you dropped the $100 bill.

Thank you for calling Old Navy.

The entire store is on sale, and you can play the new dance music.

You dropped the $100 bill because the store is on sale.

Thank you for calling Old Navy.

How can I help you?

Listen, I know that you people were supposed to have those DVD players in,

and I was there too late.

Can you please do something about that?

Unfortunately, sir, we didn't have DVD players.

No, wait a minute.

I'm looking here in the paper that the website has,

and it says cleanly you had $25 DVD players, Apex.

No, sir, we don't have DVD players.

This is Old Navy.

Didn't you open at midnight tonight?

We opened at midnight tonight, sir, but we don't sell.

That's the one.

It says it right here, midnight special opening.

I got it highlighted.

Sir, we don't sell DVD players here.

Is there a man I can speak to?

Sure, one second, please.

I don't get it.

Now, so the old Navy girls that work there, are they, like, up super late?

Are they getting paid a lot more for coming in, working at super late?

Well, we want to find out if they were really in the Navy and how old they really are.

That's what you want to ask, you crazy horse.

Crazy horse.

Put a man on the phone, hooking us up with GreenAcresStud.com.

Let's check him out.

They're in Derbyshire.

Is this another number from Muslim Nugget?

Hello?

Yeah, I was supposed to talk to a man.

Not a woman.

A man?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, what did you need?

To talk to a man, because the woman messed up the order already and gave me misinformation,

and I think maybe the problem is that I was talking to a woman.

Sir, I'm sorry, I don't think we'll be able to help you.

You needed a DVD?

No, I need to speak to a man, honey.

Ma'am.

Thank you for calling Old Navy.

Your call is being transferred.

They're already all cranky that they come in at 3 o'clock in the morning.

Thank you for calling Old Navy.

Yeah, are the women attracting bears over there?

I don't understand what's going on.

Sir, what can I do to help you?

Speak to the manager.

You just spoke with the manager, and you refused to talk to her.

No, but wait a minute.

Do you remember when I said speak to a man?

Unfortunately, sir, that was the manager.

You didn't want to speak with her.

But you're still not answering.

There's a third part to this issue that you're not even addressing.

You're not acknowledging it when I say it.

Why don't you acknowledge it?

You want a DVD player that we are not selling, sir.

We don't sell DVD players here.

Can you please?

Please, can you please interrupt me while I'm asking this question?

This is the only, I swear on God.

God damn it.

Oh, now they're in trouble.

They've gotten serious.

Thank you for calling Old Navy.

Your call is being transferred.

Look, man, you talk, you talk.

Get me in the neck.

Thank you for calling Old Navy.

I need to speak to a manager, please.

Regarding, hello?

Yes, may I speak with a manager, please?

What's this regarding?

I have a problem with a customer.

I have a problem with one of the register operators there, and I need to speak with the manager right now.

One second, please.

Get him. Get him there.

This is Lori.

Yeah, I was asking about the pants.

What pants?

The $25 per pair pants.

$25 per pair? What are you talking about?

I went in there, and someone pushed me out of the way.

I don't know what you're talking about, sir.

That's rude and disrespectful.

I got a question.

Are you attracting bears?

I don't know what the fuck to do with it.

But look, someone's got to help me out with prank calls here.

Anybody out there, RBCP should get on the phone.

Because I was listening to some of those PLA shows, and they're pretty funny.

They did a few phone mobs.

You know on the Howard Stern show they do the Tradio stuff?

I don't know if you listen to Swap Shop and stuff like that.

I haven't heard Howard Stern in years, man.

I don't get it anymore.

RBCP was doing that stuff with the phone loser White Kids

way before um sal and richard made it uh famous on on sirius yeah where there's you know i know

when i was young in the hispanic and the puerto rican culture um like up north i lived in for a

few months in uh in wister mass and there's a puerto rican community up there and they had

there's like spanish radio stations they even have it down here in orlando but i remember we

used to listen because on saturday uh saturday mornings people will call in and it's like a

a swap shop where you call and say yeah i got a bottle of beef eater and i'm selling it for

five bucks and my phone number is blah blah blah you know and it was like two hours of that every

saturday morning i remember and um well rbcp and and the white kids they did this whole thing where

they were prank calling about cactus they did the whole cactus thing and but i've heard a few

episodes i think it was at least two different mobs that i've heard that are fucking great

But now on the Stern channels on Sirius,

Sal and Richard have been doing it for the last year and a half or so,

and they think they're like fucking gods, fucking geniuses to prank calls doing it.

And it's been done.

Yeah, they said they got ripped off.

They ripped them off.

That was their idea first.

They'd rip them off.

You should complain about that, RBC, but you should send that dirty letter.

Let's get Zolar to call in the back line number, and then that way we'll get him on.

Dude, who even cares?

I still pay for Howard Stern, you know, but I don't know what's going to happen.

He's still, I don't understand.

He's like three weeks away from the contract being up.

Well, three show weeks.

I didn't think he was quite that funny.

It's been really weak lately, man.

I still listen to it because some of the stuff is cool, but it's definitely not what it used to be.

It's different.

But being the paddler, he's gone because he's on satellite radio.

He can do whatever he wants, so it's not so spectacular.

He's not breaking the rules anymore.

Call the horse people.

Oh, the phone came up as busy.

Flash busy on the computer machine, Milkman.

I don't know what that means.

Okay, so what we need to do is contact the horse expert.

We need the question answered.

How do they masturbate with shoes on their hooves?

We'll leave it with Milkman.

We'll call these people back.

It's okay.

We've got 24 minutes left until Bruno is making his...

Bruno, baby!

...making his anniversary appearance here on Madhouse Radio.

It is Black Friday for 2010.

No, that's not Martin Luther King Day.

It is the day after Thanksgiving, everybody.

We're here celebrating.

I hope you're all getting ready for Cyber Monday coming Monday.

Why is it that Cyber Monday, why is it that the websites have to do it on Monday?

Because, you know what I'm trying to say?

There's Cyber Monday, which is supposed to be the online day version of Black Friday.

Why aren't they just doing it on the same day?

What's that about?

Stupid, right?

Trying to double dip on what idiots say they can get on the one day they can sell the junk on the internet for the lazy people.

The lazy people.

people um i still i've heard and speaking of lazy people speaking of lazy people hermano

new news is in bad ranking right now to the horse video yeah we got breaking news cool thanks for

the breaking news there that's coming in from jill i kept the text going that says this is

pre-recorded so now when people watch this recording in future uh instances on you stream

that's going to be well i guess it is pre-recorded in that case huh well everyone watching live

Now the video stream is like, well, it says it's pre-recorded.

I don't get it.

The stupid moth braver.

Well, it is.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Stupid moth braver from West Virginia.

Hey, did we get any Request a Prank in today or this week?

I just set up the new Request a Prank, so no.

Oh, okay.

No, I did get the ones.

Ken tested it out, but no one sent in one yet.

Thank you, everyone, for testing.

I'm supposed to call back Big Tips tonight.

The who?

I'm supposed to call back Big Tips Chris.

The who?

Pink Tips Chris.

Chris, but...

It's Chris over at the sit-down station.

No.

Oh, no.

We're supposed to call the manager, Jerry.

We have his cell phone number.

You want to call now?

Oh, okay.

It's like 2.30.

Yeah, I got the number here.

We got a request to prank from Ken with it.

All right, let's do it.

Yeah.

Oh.

You reminded me.

Thank you.

Let's see.

I know what time...

See if he knows what time it is.

Oh, we got a Toys R Us here in Massachusetts that Bacon sent in, I believe.

It says MRKBC...

You know what would be hilarious?

hilarious is get jerry on the line and have an english person answer at the same time you know

what time it is yeah look into that whole thing we never had much luck with the three-way prank

call transfer maneuver i know man it's a it's a hard thing to pull off but it's a great dream

it's a funny thought though every time it fails to say one day i'll get this to work hello

Thank you for calling Toys R Us and Babies R Us.

Your call is important to us.

Please hold.

Fuck you.

I think they're open.

Can you get a number for a horse expert?

We got one.

We tried to call.

It was busy.

I'm going to give it a little bit and try again.

All right.

We'll wait here.

We'll call somebody else.

How's that?

Speed things along here.

Thank you for calling Toys R Us.

Hey.

You know, I had an incident there.

The toilet smells really bad.

Okay.

Now, I need to speak to whoever's in charge of the toy department.

The toy department?

Yeah, usually I call the store, and I've been calling around looking for this one item.

So I have to ask for the toy department, they said.

When I called in earlier, they said I had to call in and ask for the toy department.

You realize you're calling Toys R Us.

The whole place is the toy department.

Don't get rude and nasty with me.

I'm just asking if there's such a thing.

That's not necessary.

I'm not being rude or nasty.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, so anyway, we're looking for horse-related items.

I don't know if you have, like, rocking horses or the, you know, the ones that are just on a stick.

Yes, we have both of those.

My daughter really wants a horse thing, a horse machine.

Okay.

All right, so if you could let me know what models there are exactly, and they should have UPS on it,

the CPUs on it, you know what I mean?

Is there a specific one that you're looking for?

That's what I can help you with.

I'm making comparisons.

Okay.

I'm looking for one from International Business Horse Machines.

I don't know if you know specifically if that's one of the ones you have there.

I'm not familiar with that line.

We have Animal Alley horses, stick horses, and then we also have briar horses.

Okay.

And what are they going for, like, right now for a lot?

For how much they are?

Yeah, like each.

Hold on one moment.

Thanks, buddy.

I don't know.

What do I do?

Do I talk about the penis?

I'm scared because this place has kids there.

Maybe I shouldn't say that nasty thing.

I was going to say they have plastic horseshoes.

What do I say?

What do I say, Milkman?

I don't know what to say.

Do they have plastic horseshoes?

I was going to say something nasty that she has a horse face.

Flash that's a long face.

Come around, boy.

I was going to say a man walks into a bar.

No, a horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, why the long face?

I saw that.

I was watching Hot Shots Part Deux with my dad today.

While the women were in the kitchen where they should be.

You said this game is the one to look for, huh?

Yeah, I'll get you the title now.

It's on App Planet.

um dude because it's got tons of options and you cast it by holding down the button on the screen

and flicking your wrist and you reel it in oh it's really cool yeah it's got so many

options so here's a good question you know let's say the does hit the fan between

the koreas um china last time around when we got involved in the mix and towards the end we were

fighting china china basically for the most part those were chinese soldiers that we went to war

with in the korean war that pushes down from the border all the way down to the 38th parallel um

what do they do in this case because i think china is one of the only tolerant

countries of korea and they're not really charlotte on them but they're a little friendly

um the uh koreans hate russians oh pausing music or oh fishing to go there it is there it is fishing

to go that's the one yeah i was getting there dog look at here abc news is reporting shoppers

queue up for black friday deals let's see what they said let's get an idea how things are going

tonight out there or pranking might as well just pull up the deals for um toys r us u.s shoppers

search for deals and high definition televisions and popular toys early on friday as retailers

hope that black friday would kick off the best holiday shopping season in three years

many stores were open on thursday many retailers offered black friday deals for weeks shoppers

We're still lined up late Thursday and early Friday for the annual Day After Thanksgiving Bargain Hunt.

Robert was letting people in.

Hello, how may I help you?

Yeah, I was talking about the horse machines.

Huh?

The horse machine.

The horse machine?

Yeah, that lady's over there getting the horse machine for me.

Which horse machine?

The horse machine.

Oh, the stick horse and how much?

Give me a minute.

Ask her where they're sticking at.

Okay, let's go for it.

Stick it.

If they got a stick horse, where do they stick it at?

200 shoppers lined up at a Toys R Us in Lawrenceville, Jersey.

I wonder if anybody died today.

This year.

They got the Christmas music going, apparently.

Is this, um, what's-her-face's new Christmas album?

Oh, I used to whoop off to her so much, man.

Mariah Carey.

I was in my 14, 15, 16s.

All the time.

Well, that's Christina Aguilera.

Oh, man.

I whoop off to her, too.

I do it right now.

She should be on the Mickey Mouse.

She should be in a movie like the Godiva chick, you know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, Lady Gaga.

No, Godiva, where she ride the horse naked.

All naked, with long hair. Oh, fuck yeah.

Who can I call to talk about that?

That wasn't Christina Aguilera in the horse movie.

Peter talks to that horse ex, too, for egos.

You think Godiva had a Black Friday opening?

I should call and complain. I went to the mall, and you were over.

Dude, we've been on for so long that the Ustream is asking me to save three hours of video and start a new one already.

Holy shit.

The new news has been whacked into the horse video.

All right, start a recording part two.

If you're watching this video on Ustream or YouTube, make sure you look for part one.

I suppose I should at least explain where we started our three hours of prank calls, which the majority of it I don't remember.

I've been sitting here drinking gin and I've eaten mashed potatoes.

I've been sipping on gin and juice.

Gin and juice.

Yeah, well, I had Sprite.

I wish I had juice.

And we've been talking about horse masturbating all night, basically.

That's the question.

That's the $24 question.

How do horses masturbate if they have shoes on their hood?

You

horse lovers.

Yeah, I'm out.

Oh, this is taking too long just for a horse thing.

Well, this is killing time. We've only got 10 minutes left to brew now.

All right.

Oh, we'll keep them in hold. Hang on. We'll do another one.

Yeah, maybe we can get somebody to come in on the call.

We did one Old Navy, and I still have two other Old Navies here.

All right. Let's do it.

Milkman, you take a call. Say something.

Come on, man. Be goofy. Come on. Do something, Milkman.

Loosen up. Connecting. Milkman, you can get that Skype app if you want from your phone. Also, Apple.

Oh, they hung up. They heard me talking. Shit.

They heard me say Skype app like, whoo.

So how was that? That's a good thing.

I got another one.

Burnt that one already.

Alright, Milkman. Calling Old Navy. Good luck. Try not to creep us out too much.

Well, they gotta give Skype. Probably like you a little better.

Thanks for calling Old Navy. We're all doing them in the ten to fifteen dollars.

I'll help you.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

Hi.

Listen, I was talking about those pants with my buddy.

Oh, okay.

Where were you needing?

Okay, can you put me through to the pants department, big man size?

Yes, I'll be right with you.

Don't take too long.

Shit.

Milkman, are you there?

Did you hang up, you mongoloid?

No, I'm here.

Hey, I just want to say that men's support tank tops.

You know, you're looking for a man's brassiere.

You asked for it.

Thank you for calling Toys R Us

And babe, your call is

Please hold

What if I'll have a kid next Christmas

That'd be freaky

Hello, um, can I help you

Find something with the pants

Yeah, there was a whole thing about the pants

Uh-huh, where were you looking for

The pants party

Yeah, I can go find, like, what size you need or something if you want.

Yeah.

52.

We don't have that here.

Oh, come on.

Come on.

I'm not going to stand for it.

Find everything okay?

I farted in the phone.

You hear that?

Do you need anything else?

No, I want you to explain why you don't carry size 52.

Are you sure you don't have any in the back?

I'm sure, sir.

The highest we go to is, like, 42.

Why do you have to say it like that?

It's funny.

What?

Why do you say it like that?

Like it's funny.

Would you need anything else?

Yeah, put me through the tailoring service so you can...

What's the biggest size you got?

Biggest size is 42.

All right, so you can extend that.

So you can climb towards Western Auburn?

Yeah, listen, I was calling about the horse machine and the pants.

Hello?

Yeah, I was calling about the horse machine.

Some people hung up on me.

They were supposed to give me information and they hung up.

I don't want answers right now.

How much is the horse machine?

Tell me right now.

oh i'm pissed off at these people we actually have a double problem for a split second there

that's hilarious i don't understand what i was about i don't understand what this is all about

because i was asking about the pants and because i'm not the right size or something apparently

that i get treated like that rudely nasty by women sorry there's a specific deal here you

have on these jeans right yes okay and then when i call and they get the jeans your people refusing

Cruising me service.

Why?

I'm not sure what happened, but hold on.

These people laughed at me when I was in there because I'm a size 52 waist.

And they said, oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

They said like that, like I'm a piece of trash.

Well, you people need to make this.

I want that deal, and I want it in a size 52 jeans.

Hold on one second, please.

All right, honey.

You can get a man support tactic.

I told you you asked for it, Milkman.

I'm not your personal army, okay?

I told you already.

Oh, God, you're worse than my mom.

Excuse me.

Hi, this is Crystal.

How can I help you?

Hey, Big Crystal.

Listen, I don't understand what the deal is here, but I'm being refused service.

What kind of service do you need?

It's not fair that you have this deal on the jeans, right?

This big deal that you have, this big damn deal.

And then when I go in there and I said that I needed the size that I needed,

they said, oh, we don't do that here.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, like that.

Like I'm nasty, like I'm stupid, trash.

person so you you came in here this morning and somebody actually said that to you this morning

the people the attitude is like oh no we don't have that okay can you can you tell me who that

was then it was a man that was there it was a man that was there there was a man and a woman that

were there that work here a woman that was there and a man that's there that worked there yeah

and they're like we don't have honey we don't have any men that are working here the man had

a t-shirt on that said old navy on it i think you very well damn well work there and the other

woman was definitely an employee she had this microphone thing on so don't tell me now that

you're trying to get me to run around trying to find out who it is so i can fix it for you

trying to get now i'm writing you down here my report i'm writing you up also what's your name

this is sneaky stuff that you people do here i don't know if you realize but the americans with

disabilities that just because that i have a size 52 waist doesn't mean you get to honey honey we

help people in here all the time we help people in wheelchairs we help anybody that comes in here

It doesn't matter who you are, we come in and we help them.

So why didn't I leave with a pair of jeans?

I'm trying to find out who was going to do that because then we could say something to them for doing that, sir.

Well, can you tell me about if you have my jeans in or not?

Well, why don't you tell me what size you want?

Size 52.

Okay, we do not carry them that large in here.

The largest we have are 40, 42.

The larger ones you get online, sir.

Oh, it's not fair.

I'm sorry.

Hey, they don't have my size either, so.

It's not fair.

I have to order online, too.

Well, if they don't have your size, maybe you shouldn't be working there.

Well, I like it here, so I'm going to continue to work.

Do you supersize?

I am a plus size.

Yes, I am.

No, do you supersize when you go to a McDonald's?

No, I'm a plus size.

We do not have my size in the store.

No, when you go to McDonald's.

No, I do not.

But do you get medium?

I don't go to McDonald's.

I cook my own food at home.

Don't lie.

Every night you cook your own food?

Yes, I do.

What did you have to eat tonight?

We had turkey dinner.

What did you have to eat last night?

I don't know.

I can't tell you.

But I've got to get off here and help all these other people that are in here.

You supersized last night?

Nope.

Big girl?

So would you like me to tell me who they were so I can check that out for you?

It was a yellow-looking black guy with dreadlocks on and a woman with a horse face.

Okay.

Well, you have a nice day, okay?

Hey, listen.

I've got one last thing.

No.

You have a good day.

Thank you.

I'm farting the phone.

Fucking shit.

I was holding that one for a while.

It's time to call Bruno, everybody.

Bruno should be clocking in.

Let's give him five minutes.

Let's get him settled.

Oh, my God.

Let's let him find out what's going on here first, all right?

Because he's probably...

Yeah, give him five or ten minutes to get warmed up.

You don't want to scare him off before he actually walks in.

He's probably having a cigarette first.

You know, he's French.

Did you ever do a Jack Masterson call forever?

Alright, we're calling

We did it like two weeks ago

CNC horse training stables

In California

Alright, cool

You're a veterinarian, maybe?

There's none in Guam?

Equestrian

Equestrian expert

Horse training stables

Milkman, ask me about the masturbating horse

That's your question

i can't answer it funny though make a funny noise do a talk hello hello who is this this is

training stables who is this this is cross calling it with this is cross whoever that is well listen

i'm having a problem with my horse well do you like the time it is well i'm calling from new

zealand so i don't quite know what time it is but we're bringing the horse to california to be in a

a race okay and how can i help you well you see on the way to california we've stopped in australia

and the horse was physically abused uh meant uh verbally and they threw apples at him instead of

feeding him to him and apples are his favorite food so and listen hang on but there's one last

part then we took the plane to the other showing in guam and they masturbated the horse

I think they've been long gone.

I'm sorry.

I couldn't hold that one anymore.

Oh, man.

What did the horse say?

There's no hope.

There is no hope.

Oh, my God.

My eyes are water.

I'm a deer.

It's got blisters on its blisters.

Oh, Bruno.

It's time.

We waited long enough.

We've held this show up all night.

Let's just talk to the Bruno here.

The Wilson 20 show.

Horse and cow.

I was at Guam, the horse and cow restaurant or some shit.

I started the whole thing.

That led to the final question.

We're all equestrian experts out there.

We almost lost that one at first because we were talking and we covered it.

Oh, I'm serious.

I lose your hair milk, man.

I think I made a boob.

You there?

Okay, good.

We're good.

I'm a bit cocky.

I've had so much candy.

I'm a bit cocky.

Can I put it on my show?

I'm calling to speak to Bruno, please.

To who?

Big Bruno.

Ah, Big Bruno.

He's not in the hospital at the moment.

Can you call back in one hour?

Hey, listen, lady.

I stayed up a whole hour to talk to Bruno because you said he was going to be back in an hour.

Mm-hmm.

Now, where is he now?

What are you, joking around with me here?

This isn't a joke, all right?

I've been waiting here a whole hour to talk to Bruno.

Ah, he's at...

Hello?

Yeah, I'm listening, but don't start telling me he's not there when you told me he was going to be there in an hour, an hour ago.

I don't play that kind of game here, all right?

lady i understand sir well i'm very upset because you said i was going to talk to bruno about this

taxi and you told me to call back in an hour it's been an hour five minutes and he's still not there

yes hello where's bruno i want to talk to him now you want bruno now all the line that's right

Ask him where Big Horse is at.

To meet you for lunch.

It's horrible.

Hello.

You're supposed to put Bruno on the phone.

Just a second.

We're getting closer.

I was like getting it through the ticket machine.

Welcome to the Hotel Napoleon.

Please hold on.

This is the Hotel Napoleon, huh?

This music is not recording.

So, what?

Oh, we're at the Hotel Napoleon.

Shit.

I'm here.

I'm here, I said.

Yeah, he's not here yet. I just checked. He will be here around 9.30, 10 o'clock.

You told me an hour. You lied to me. God damn it.

No, I'm not lying. He's here always around 9, 9.30, 10 o'clock.

Then why did you tell me, God damn it, why did you tell me that it was going to be in an hour?

Why did you lie to me from the beginning? He was always there.

Yeah, shit. For all this time. Do you want to do another hour?

Hell yeah.

God damn it.

Hello, sir.

Listen, you people promised me...

I can't help you now.

Stupid.

You said it was going to be an hour to talk to this stupid guy, stupid Bruno.

Look at all this time that's been going on.

I'm here in the airport still waiting to get over there.

This is disgusting.

I'm not paying for this, any of this.

I want free rooms.

I want free food.

Everything free, free, free.

A little too much.

Too much chili in the ground.

Hello.

Listen, I'm sorry.

Yeah, I'm sorry, too.

I'm sorry, too.

Are you going to hang up on me again?

Yeah, no, no.

I can't help you now.

Someone's going to help me, man.

But we won't help you, but you give me your number.

I tell Bruno to call you back, sir.

I'm calling from a pay phone in the airport, damn it.

And I have an American phone that doesn't work in France.

I left my wife and my daughter at home.

I understand. You are in the airport now?

I've been here. My sugar is low. I can't eat.

He was supposed to take care of everything for me. We were going to spend the night.

Yeah, yeah. But Bruno is not in for the moment.

But remember you told me an hour and you lied to me?

I think he's here in one hour.

No, you said call back in an hour. Call back in an hour. You said just like that.

But we don't know what Bruno is doing.

But you called Bruno

Someone over there called Bruno on the phone

Yeah, yeah

And what did he say?

Tell me the truth

Don't lie to me

If you don't lie

If you tell me the truth

It's going to be

I'm not going to get mad at you

It's going to be the other people

I understand

What's your name, sir?

Cross

Chris

Cross

C-R-O-I-X-B

Do you have your number?

So

My wife is going to find out now

What happened

Your wife is?

She's the horse

I don't know.

What did you say?

Okay, Bruno called you back, sir.

What did you say?

Who? Bruno?

No, you. You said like that. Why?

No, not why. No.

Because I'm very, very sorry for you.

That you don't care?

My wife is the horse and you make a noise like a horse.

I understand, I understand.

Okay.

My wife is a horse.

What is a horse?

C'est quoi, c'est quoi? C'est quoi, l'hôpital? C'est quoi, horse?

Don't say it, friend. I don't understand either what you say.

Horse is what, what? In hospital, no.

No, horse.

C'est quoi, horse?

Horse.

What horse?

I'll masturbate the horse.

What horse? I don't understand.

Horse.

My English is very bad.

H-O-R-S-E.

Okay, all done, all done.

Welcome to the Hitchhiker's Premium.

That's a game too

The fourth jerk-off

Oh my god

Tom Jones with the belly

We need to record their whole music

Yeah

Hello

Hello, yes, go ahead

What you say to your wife

Why?

Is it a joke, sir?

I know, sir

No, it's serious. It's very serious.

Is it serious?

Is your wife his house?

I'm a dog. I'm a dog.

No?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm a dog.

Okay.

My friend is a dog.

Oh, your friend is?

He's a monkey.

He's a monkey? Me too. Me too.

Okay.

plays up okay okay you you can you can we know back okay okay no hello can you

sing sing can you sing something for me okay yes sing for me what what do you

the rainbow? Yeah. Somewhere. I want to sing. A song. Milkman, say something dirty in French,

and cherry. You drank? Yeah. Ah, you drank. You drank? Oui. Oui? Ok. Ok. Le bouche. Le bouche. Le bouche? C'est quoi le bouche? C'est quoi la bouche? Oh, ma bouche. Ah, oh, votre bouche. You drank too much? Allo? Yeah, I did, yeah. Oui. You drank too much? Oh, you want sleep. What do you want? Sleep with woman. Ah, I'm a monkey. Oh, monkey, good.

ok

monkey woman

monkey sex

no no

I don't want to

no ok

masturbate horse sex

no you are very bad

I'm sorry

I don't want to

no no

hey you

ok bye

bonjour

au revoir

ok

au revoir

bye bye

ok bye

bye bye

ok

I guess that was worth it

she's a monkey

I can't

I almost got in her pants

dude

you heard that

dude you're working it man

she's starting to like you

you talk all this kinky shit

yeah

and French girls

are wild

they're wild

I lost it

when

she put me in

all the fight

I want horses

I guess I googled it

she came back

Why'd you say your wife is so hoarse?

Why'd you say that?

I couldn't hold it anymore at that point.

Alright, dude, I can't do anymore.

Seriously, it's...

Tommy Hilford to left.

We've got Bruno coming in in a half hour.

No, man, I've got to go to sleep.

It's 3.17 a.m. over here, man.

It's way too late.

What about Bruno and the horse?

Bruno and the horse are going to have to wait, man.

Because I'm going to sleep.

Well, okay, then what about our horse expert?

We talked to the horse expert already.

Fine.

This is the last call, then.

Los Osos Equine Farm, asshole.

Equine Farm?

Okay.

So you have to ask the question properly, though.

After this, we're leaving.

We're done.

How does a horse master rate if it's wearing shoes on its face?

Well.

Thank you for calling the Los Osos Valley Equine Farm.

We do not rent horses.

For messages about the tack shop, press pound 1.

For messages to Mike, press pound 2.

For other messages, press pound 3.

Thank you for calling.

We'll get back to you as soon as we can.

Yeah, we were just wondering if you rent out horses,

since you made such a big fucking deal about it on your message,

because the Milkman wants to masturbate a horse.

Thank you.

All right, Milkman, we're done.

That's it.

Bye.

Oh, we got to ask him the question.

I'm not staying up.

I'm waiting for more horse masturbation, okay?

So say goodbye.

That's it.

I'm done.

If you say your goodbyes, I'll cut off the show without it.

I don't care about the people.

All right.

Damn it.

The $64 question will be held over until the next episode.

Possibly next Thanksgiving we'll have an answer to the question.

Until then, we'd like to thank all our friends and lovely listeners.

That's right.

For tuning in tonight.

And without all our assistance, we could have never done it.

Without our fearless friend and man of the gun, the numbers hit man.

That's right.

Thank you so much.

Also, I'd like to thank all our friends for joining in.

Sir Nunu, the Wackershire England.

He's over there whacking away through some hot horse videos.

Thank you so much for joining us.

Billy Dean, thank you so much.

MST3 Clay

Baz out there in absence

Mr. Cokie

one of our other financiers

thank you so much

I'd also like to thank some of our other friends for joining in

MST3 Clay

Ken

Mikey149 and everybody else

don't bother to stop by and join us here

in 90.6

the mouth chapter

thank you so much

our dear listeners

we love you so much

We provide every week the most interactive, entertainment, crazy comedy shows you can join in on the internet.

Every week right here at this turning back town, turning back time.

We drop the dime.

All we ask is that you give us a little bit of your time and come and join us and share some life with us.

Bring a friend, or better yet, bring an enemy.

And don't you dare miss out on our next episode.

And don't forget to sign up for our podcast.

But what would we do without our fearless leader?

That's right, the mighty General Lucimo of the Madhouse,

Aramonica Carlito, our leader and fearless militia might there.

Over to you, big guy.

Thank you so much, and Happy Thanksgiving.

Thank you, YouTube Milkman.

Special thank you to everyone who listened in.

Of course, tonight, Lonesome Loser is running in numbers,

as well as Brendan, Ken, and Nunu.

Baz, thank you for the editing.

Kokanee, thank you for the editing.

Milkman, thanks for showing up, and that is it.

We're out of here.

Thank you, sir.

It's been great.

I have no idea if I'm supposed to call this the horse show or what exactly.

We were just horsing around if everybody asked.

Hey, I've got a question.

I'm looking for a volume pack for this rooted Evo.

I don't know about volume packs.

You'll have to look.

I've been looking.

I found only one that didn't work.

Oh, I don't know, man.

I'll look into it.

I'll see what I can find.

All right.

All right, cool.

Thank you, everybody.

We're out of here.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Well, I guess Happy Holidays, everybody.

Bye-bye.

I was now being traced by AT&T Security and Call Tracing Network.

You will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

That dude is going to be so pissed when he gets in tonight, bro.

He hit with a bullet.

It was an awful night.

Did we get her name?

Shut up, shut up.

Y'all right out there.

We just came through to show some love.

Saying us niggas don't know how long we're going to be here.

Feel me?

so enjoy this shit enjoy yourselves and then we out of here

The Horse Show – Thanksgiving 2010

Calls (33, 2 h 12 min of 3 h 33 min)

Transcript

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