The Neighborhood Watch Association

I'm a fucking bait.

Get off.

Who the fuck is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

I feel like I'm going to cum.

I feel in touch.

Thanks for hanging in there.

I hashed out some technical issues.

I turned on this camera.

You'll see how sad my life is now.

No, it's not sad.

It's just everything is in boxes still,

and I have little to no furniture in the office slash studio.

I didn't bring any of it up,

so I'm solely acquiring it.

And I'm very upset with my wife also.

I should give her a call.

talk you want to talk to my wife i think she's awake still um there's a lot of static going on

i don't know if that's on purpose so you're sending spy signals and i shouldn't call attention

to it or oh well where's the static on what what you're hearing from me from you yeah for me myself

like i hear it like right now i heard it on the string too but i'm hearing it now hearing it now

yeah talking to me on skype you hear it well i was hearing it on the uh ustream yeah but is it

gone it should be gone off the u stream now when's the last time you checked u stream no i'm hearing

it right now on your audio in the skype audio like i hear it right now oh man it's like a

background noise static it's a background noise static yeah oh man no i don't know what to do

could be some equation for uh world domination that i shouldn't uh point any attention to i

I wish I could hear it.

Put it up to the microphone real quick.

Do something.

Um, I don't know how to.

Put the microphone up to the headphones.

Oh.

Yeah.

I don't know.

You got to think about it sometimes.

I don't know.

Do you hear it when I...

No.

Sounds like an air conditioner.

No, it's from you.

Why is the air conditioner on?

It might be your air conditioner.

You think my air conditioner is making noise?

Yeah.

If you have air condition, if you're air conditioned to air.

It sounds like a vacuum is going on in the background.

That's pretty cool.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's from your audio

Yeah, but my shit right now is I'm going to call people and that's how they're going to hear it

No, it's going to cause trouble

Oh man, oh man

Sucks

Sucks, yo

Oh man

I'll work on it

Alright

We'll just tell people I'm vacuuming, I don't know

Okay, you're vacuuming

And they may have to leave for 10 or 20 minutes

But right now, actually

No, no, you're not allowed

Yeah, I'm gone, see ya

Bye

I'll mute and I'll come back.

I'll come back.

Maybe.

Whatever.

Bye.

Talk's muted.

Supposedly I have bad audio.

That's just wonderful.

Just beautiful.

Well, anyway.

Yes, I'm slowly getting settled up here in Pennsylvania and show stuff quality-wise will

improve soon.

Surely.

Hey, Athena.

Yeah.

Hey, it's that guy that sleeps in your bed.

What's up?

How you doing?

What?

It's that guy that sleeps in your bed with you.

It's your husband.

How are you?

I know.

I'm good.

How are you?

Say hi to everybody.

I've never really called you on the air, but I thought I'd call you and just say, yeah, we're in Pennsylvania.

Isn't that exciting?

It is exciting.

Yeah.

Hey, I just wanted to ask you if you could tell me if you hear, like, a vacuum in the background while I'm talking to you.

Does it sound normal?

It's what?

Is there any noise in the background, bad quality, static, on the phone while I'm talking to you?

Huh?

Yeah.

Yeah? Is it bad?

It's not horrible, but it's not great either.

Yeah. Okay.

Well, I just wanted to say thank you for bringing up the good microphone.

again you know for not packing the good microphone i want everyone to hear it from athena directly

that she uh failed to pack the good madhouse microphone and we're back on the radio shack

equipment you know no pressure not angry anymore athena i'm just saying if i wanted it's all my

fault it's okay okay i just want everyone not to blame me and act like i'm an asshole like they

always do you know this time it wasn't my fault anyway all right well do you uh have thanks for

for dinner dinner was good i just wanted to update you on that also thank you all right okay all right

well you have yourself a great night there i love you you too okay see you in bed all right

that's athena next door so yeah you can blame her for not packing the correct microphone she

brought the shitty one that about like five years ago because supposedly she didn't know that i

needed it she just saw i connected to all the equipment there and a big microphone stand nice

looking microphone and the matter that i asked her several times hey make sure that do you make

Make sure you bring that.

That microphone, you know, that expensive microphone I saved for a long time.

The voice of the madhouse.

The source of the pipes.

Nope, I think she listened to me.

I know we've got to deal with static while we do prank calls,

so people are probably going to hang up really quickly.

Anyway, thanks everyone for tuning in.

It is the 10 o'clock hour.

It is just about 10.30.

It is March the 31st of 2011.

We're going to be doing prank calls here, I suppose,

as long as people start showing up and providing me with numbers.

I'm sure Nunu's out there. He'll be sending numbers pretty soon.

Well, it's some loser. Perhaps, hopefully, he'll make an appearance.

I don't know if he's out there or not.

If he shows up anymore. I haven't been on for quite some time.

We'll see if he still shows up.

The guy that sleeps in your bed.

In the meantime, I guess I could play a Jim Stewart prank call.

Let's see.

Well, I got some numbers organized here and tried to tweak on the settings of the microphone.

Listen to this from Jim Stewart in 2007.

Can I take your reference, please?

All right, okay.

I don't speak English, yeah?

Sorry?

Ramzan masha toh toh maa baath se kaida hoi rala, sur hor baicha.

Toh baath ko hai?

Do you have a reference number, sir?

No, I don't understand English.

You don't understand English?

Yeah.

Right, you're speaking perfect English to me.

Koi, kisi gandu ko milge ata ki ya?

Thank you very much for your call, sir.

Tala rala, sur hala rala.

What?

Thank you very much for your call, sir.

Tume kia probleme bhai?

Do you have a reference number, sir?

Is there a reason for your call?

Toh boi nu aaseni baat, toh maa hu aaseni.

Erare, sor je bola hoto hi kitaane ni.

Hello, you're speaking to Michelle at Robinson. Where can I take your reference number, please?

Hello, Bankshot.

Hello.

Hello, Bankshot.

Hello, have you got your reference number there, please?

I don't know.

Sir, have you got the wrong number?

Yeah.

Right, bye-bye.

Good morning, Robinson. Where can I take your reference number, please?

Hello, Sukhmara Nizwa.

Sorry?

Hello, Sukhmara Nizwa.

Okay, can I take your reference number, please?

I think I fixed it.

Come front of me.

Come in front of me and laugh.

Sorry, I can't understand what you're saying, sir.

You're due to Robinson Way.

May I take your reference number, please?

I blew a Spaniard's nose?

Huh?

When we got you speaking?

What language?

Yes, I do too.

Right, okay.

I don't understand what you're saying.

Sorry.

Thank you very much.

Goodbye.

Well, I understood that, and I'll let you know.

Cause I'll record it.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

You're the shit.

Good morning.

This is Robinson Way.

Can I take your reference, please?

Hello, Carmen.

Oh, can you hear me?

Then I will think you're a break.

Pardon?

You're through to Robinson Way. Do you have a reference number?

Hello?

So, do you speak English?

Tell me.

Tell you what, sir?

You've called Robinson Way.

You feel funny, bastard.

Pardon?

You fucking motherfucker.

Good morning. Through to Ashford, Robinson Way. Can I take your reference?

Hello Sukumaranirva

Sorry?

Hello Sukumaranirva

Can I see who I'm speaking to please?

Sir Bahasemi

What language do you speak sir?

Your take away is ready

Sorry?

Sunaya Banchot

What language do you speak sir?

Put the phone down yeah?

Why did you call sir?

Put the phone down

Okay bye bye

You are a shit

Good morning, you're so troublesome, why are you speaking to me? May I take your reference back?

You've been phoning us and disturbing us you bastard

Pardon?

You're talking like...

You stop it.

What's your telephone number?

07.

Yeah?

07.

Yeah?

0519.

So your telephone number is 070519.

I can't do anything to serve.

So I'm going to end the call. Thank you.

Good morning, you're through to Ashok Robinson.

Where can I take your reference?

Let me explain to you, you fucking bastard.

Okay?

Excuse me sir, can I ask why you keep ringing up and swearing?

You've been phoning us and disturbing us, you bastard.

Right, okay. Is there any need to swear when you call?

Huh?

Is there any need to swear when you call and be abusive over the phone?

Yes.

Why?

You are a shit.

Can I help you, sir?

You are one of the biggest bastards in this world.

Right, I will be reporting you to the nuisance phone call department, sir.

Yes.

Okay?

You collect your mother.

Sorry?

You come and collect your mother.

Right, I'm terminating the call, sir. Thank you.

Okay. Good morning, this is Maria at Robinson Way. Can I take the reference number, please?

Put the phone down, yeah?

Sometimes I just like to put my head in my hands. Feels good. Feels so good.

Yeah, I think my first mistake...

Please enter your remote.

Fuck you.

I think my first mistake with this whole new setup is the fact, simple fact that is,

that I've reversed where one computer is in relation to the other.

So, yeah. It's a little...

Yeah, I've got a learning curve.

If I'd have been smart, I would have put everything going the other way,

the way that it was over in orlando it wouldn't be so confused i love these um i don't know why

but these robinson way pranks that jen did are great wanted to mention that there is a gentleman

out there i believe the username screen name is jago as in j-a-g-o 2000 jago 2000 i believe that's

correct correct me if i'm wrong uh on youtube youtube.com correct me if i'm wrong uh he is

this weekend including um going crazy uh uploading youtube videos which are basically

jen stewart pranks uh so if you want to check out more of jen stewart the prank call you're

listening to right now good friend of madhouse radio although he's no longer in the game still

good stuff anyway let's listen to a little bit more of that while i get some more numbers coming

in so starting to heat up in the next few minutes i should go into some prank call machine afternoon

my name is chris what can i do for you today sir i said put the phone down no i'm not gonna

Sir, put the phone down, sir. I've had a report that you're making nuisance calls to this number.

Huh?

You're making nuisance calls, sir, today. Is there anything I can help you with in particular?

I'd prefer you to speak English to myself, sir.

What, sorry?

Right, I would prefer you to speak English, sir, because I believe that you can actually speak English.

So if you do not mind speaking in English to me, sir, or you stop phoning this telephone number.

Then I can show your sister how to fax, yeah?

I'm sure I could show you some things, sir, but we're not going to be able to do that on the phone.

If I can take a reference number for yourself, I will be happy to help you.

Right, if you keep calling this number, sir, you will leave us no other position than to report you as a nuisance caller.

And that may in fact be reported to the police. You may actually get a visit from them.

Do you want to have that happen, sir? Like I say, sir, speak English to me.

Okay, if you keep calling this number, sir, like I say, we will have to report you to the police as a nuisance caller.

Very soon you will be handicapped.

Do you know which village I am from?

Don't keep saying this and that.

Don't you understand?

Do you know how long is carried?

Come find me and laugh.

Big banana.

Bye-bye, sir.

Big, big, big banana.

Okay, thanks very much.

Bye-bye, sir.

Good morning, this is Maria Robinson.

Why can I take the reference number, please?

Pass it to her, then I can speak to her.

Just bear with me one second.

Hello?

Your father.

Yes?

Where is your other father?

I'm asking you, tell me why you're calling us and why you're abusing us on the phone.

Your mother will beat you to a pulp.

I'll show you a lot.

I love the simple fact that he...

Hello?

Oh, shit.

They end up getting a translator on the line here

To start talking to him in Hindi

And obviously

They finally realize it's a fucking guy

Playing a soundboard

Of angry Indian people

I could show you something sir

But we're not going to be able to do that on the phone

If I can take a

Okay

We will have to report you to the police

As a nuisance call

Like I say sir

I'm going to terminate the call now

What the fuck is that anyway

How long is carrot

For no business reason, we will report you to the police.

Okay?

Thank you very much, sir. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye, sir.

Big banana.

Okay, thanks very much. Bye-bye, sir.

Good morning, this is Maria Robinson-White. Can I take the reference number, please?

Pass it to her, then I can speak to her.

Just bear with me one second. Hello?

Your father.

Yes?

Your second father.

Sir, tell me, why are you calling us and why are you abusing us on the phone?

Is there any benefit of using such language?

Come in

Why are you using such language?

What?

Why are you using such language?

Why are you abusing?

Do you enjoy abusing?

Your mother's Puddi

What is your mobile number?

I am calling you

Far away

Yes?

Far away Shukmara

You have to keep calling me

to keep abusing

Come here

I will make a body cover for you

Please don't call again, because we told you last time that we will report you

Ok, who are you abusing by calling?

We will report you to the police, that's what you want

Sussmaranir is here, Sussmaranir

Calling Australia

Hey big girl, how you doing?

How you doing big girl?

Who is this?

This is Fred Carlson.

Listen, I know that sounds generic, but that's not the case.

I have to...

Listen, I'm...

Listen, no, don't give me any guff.

Is there...

First of all, is there a mannequin speaking?

Because you're already on a bad note.

I know it's not much of a show.

If all we do is listen to Jim Stewart.

Hey, gentlemen.

Listen, I was treated very rudely by a woman there before.

I'm sorry, man.

I didn't quite catch that.

I was talking to some woman over there.

She treated me very rudely.

Oh, really?

Yeah, what was her name?

Well, when was it today?

Just now.

The person who answered the phone right before you.

Well, I'd love to bring Danielle.

How can I help you?

What's her problem?

What's my problem?

No, her problem.

I'm not too sure, mate.

What was them...

Well, don't get fresh with me, first of all,

and let's handle the situation with her

and the way she's talking to me on the phone.

Well, I really don't know.

I'll have to take that up with Danielle, but were you calling with an inquiry?

Did I help you in any way?

Yeah, and I'm a serious person.

I have a card that when you get pulled over by the police, they let you out of the ticket.

That's how important I am.

It's called a PBA card.

You've got a card like that, have you?

Yeah.

Right, yes.

I drive a Dodge Stratus.

Okay.

Okay, so you understand?

You understand?

No, not really, no, no.

Adas Stratus, it's a good car, it's an expensive car

Oh yeah, yeah, I know what a Dodge, I know what Dodgers are

Yeah, but you're saying I understand, what am I meant to be understanding from that?

Well you're, you know, if you have a ladder, you know, a ladder

I'm on the, like if you go up four steps, I'm up on the fourth step

And then maybe you're on the third or the second one

Oh, yeah, okay, really, okay, right

Alright, and then I step on your face when I'm up there

Oh, okay.

Now, what, is that some kind of threat, is it?

No, it's just that I'm, you know, it's a dominance thing, really.

Sorry, sorry, were you calling with a product inquiry?

Yes, I am.

Okay, now, did you want to ask me what it's about so I can try and help you out, or?

Yes.

Problem is, sometimes when my neighbors and friends come over to my house, I have a dog, a Great Dane,

and then he'll actually, he'll lock onto their legs, you know,

And, like, simulate a sexual act on people's legs when they come into the house.

Oh, really? Okay.

Yeah.

Right. Okay.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

So what?

Well, he's trying to dominate himself over the people that come into the house.

Oh, is he?

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

That's nice of you and your dog, then.

Is that something that you take pleasure in, is it?

I'm kind of embarrassed about it.

Right, okay.

Well, do you want a number for a vet or something?

thing. No, would you come over? Would I come over? I don't think so, mate. I'm not interested

in that sort of thing. Is there anything else I can help you with, or what? Well, it's just

that my dog isn't familiar with you, so he might, you know, I would expect him to try

to do that, maneuver on you as an act of dominance, you know? Oh, okay. All right. Okay. Do you

wear long pants or shorts? Oh, I'm going to leave this conversation to you, mate, because

We're not getting anywhere really

I'm getting to

I'm getting into my question though

The inquiry

Well I'm a little bit busy

So do you want to hold the line a moment?

How long will it be do you think?

Alright how's it going?

Alright everybody

Hello

Yes sir

Are you done?

Okay mate

Oh I'm pretty busy

So are you finished with

Your

Your speech to me?

No I was

I asked you a legitimate question

You said you needed

Okay well what

What's the question?

Well you were

You were

Hold on a second

I'll interrupt you just for a moment

If you don't mind

No no wait a minute

You didn't have to interrupt me

that's very rude of you listen i'm pretty busy and i've given you a little bit of my time now

um i've asked you if you've got a question regarding a product that we've got and you've

and you've gone on to tell me about how you step on a ladder and you might step down on people

and then you've also you've got a dog with some sort of sexual complaint now i'll ask you one

more time if there's a product i can help you out with shoot let me know what it is i'm gonna have

have to end this call. So, how can I help you?

Well, okay, basically with the product, I started the whole wacky shack idea.

Oh, did you?

Let's see, what happens is, when you go into my shack in the backyard, I don't know if

you're aware of the euphemism of whacking off, I don't know if that translates into Australian.

Okay, alright. You call here again, we've got our ID caller on the phone, this will

to be passed on to the...

Hang on, is it ID...

Is it ID Caller or Caller ID?

Caller ID.

Trying to get the mouse to work.

Yes, what happened?

You ordered two lamb lobsters and two chicken piranhas?

Your reference number, please.

Yes, you should place your mother and father and everyone.

Right. Can I just have your reference number, please, sir?

You're a shit.

Come on, that's very nice.

Now, can I have your reference number, please, sir?

Can I have your reference number, please, sir?

Okay, you're wasting your phone, Bill. Can I have your reference number, please, sir?

You should come and collect your order.

Right, that's fine, but can I have your reference number, please, sir?

You feel for me?

Pardon me.

All right, thank you very much.

I'm free to rob in some way. My name's Osman. Can I take your reference number, please?

Your name is Jus?

Osman.

And your name is Shifu?

My name's Osman.

You're talking like nonsense.

Osman. U-S-M-A-N.

Sorry?

Osman, sir.

No, no, no, no, no. Osman.

Listen, I don't speak Bangladeshi.

If I did, then obviously I don't understand what you were trying to say to me, sir.

Okay?

Do you want to give me your reference number?

Okay, I'll tell you what.

What was it you just said to me, sir?

If I said to you, you'll say, yes, I have a big one, this and that.

I don't understand what you're trying to tell me here, sir.

I'm asking for the reference number, what you're trying to do.

Pardon?

I will make you laugh.

Yes, ha-ha.

Okay, can you give me the reference number, please?

I'll put my two fingers on your ass, then I will make you laugh.

Okay, yeah, yeah.

I'm laughing.

I'm laughing intensely, sir.

Would you like to give me the reference number now, please?

Ask anyone this, but you think this is funny?

No, sir, I've asked you.

You flew to Robinson Way, and I require your reference number.

If I had some information up on the screen, like your mobile number, etc., etc.,

then obviously I can get that up on the screen straight away,

and I won't be asking for the reference number.

Do you know why we've given you a call?

And the reason why you've give us a call, boss.

Then I can show your sister how to fuck, yeah?

Okay, then. Have a nice day.

Hi, Peter Campbell. Can I get your reference number, please?

Hello?

Why don't you die, you bastard?

Say again, sir?

Do you feel funny, you bastard?

Um, can I get your reference number, please?

You fucking bastard.

I can't understand you. What are you saying?

You fucking motherfucker.

I don't understand you.

Hang on.

You know, when I talk, I can show you how to make you.

Hello?

How to make you chop curry.

What did you say, sir?

Are you coming?

I can't hear you.

Why don't you lie to me?

Okay, bye bye.

Hi, could you come and take reference number please?

Hello?

You fucking pig.

Hello?

You're a fucking devil, shaitan.

You know shaitan?

Hello?

How can I help you, sir?

Do you have a reference number that I can take?

I'd love to help you today, sir.

Okay.

I can't understand a word you're saying.

I don't understand a word you're saying, sir.

I don't understand what you're saying.

Okay, sir. If you refuse to speak English, I cannot take this call.

No, no, no. You wanker.

Ghandu, Gabriel, are you still there?

What is this?

I do not understand you.

Go and work yourself. Get busy.

I do not understand you.

Go to sleep. You've passed your bedtime. Go to sleep.

You're very distorted. I can't hear your song, sir.

I can't obviously take this call because I can't understand the words you're saying.

If you could come in front of me, and if it's one-to-one, I would have fucking fucked you badly.

I know, I can't understand what you're saying, though.

Come on, you've got nothing to do.

Wank yourself.

Hello, Tuck.

Hey.

All right, do I sound better now, bitch?

Well, you don't have staticky and vacuum any.

Good, good.

Thank you, Tuck.

Thanks for bringing that up.

Hello, Brandon Vegas.

Hello.

Hey, Brandon Vegas, call back because I forgot to add you to the conference.

We're going to hang up here.

You call back.

Cool?

All right, see you there, bye.

Oops, hit the wrong button.

Back to Tuck.

Back to Tuck!

Skype, I command you in the name of Jesus.

Back to Tuck.

Can you please, if you do have a reference number,

because if you don't,

I can no longer take this call for you.

Pata, okay, I'm going to.

We'll look up Pata.

Because obviously we're not going anywhere.

P-M-O-N-D, sir.

All right, good.

What you, what you say?

Anyway, we're back, Tuck.

Thank you for doing whatever the secret thing.

Why don't you ever tell everybody,

you know, you started doing this a few months ago

go in the middle like uh eastern time around 10 30 11 it's a big secret that you have to go for

like 20 30 minutes every week what's going on well it's a secret well wouldn't be uh a mystic

secret if it was uh known to people you have to know good man you're gonna get in trouble

i

don't do weed sir i just draw about it okay good uh you wanna i want to hear some happy meat

my friend speaking of weed how about you go ahead and call uh i'm gonna call vincenzo's

Would you do a happy meat for everybody? The kids would like to hear that

Do you really?

Yep, happy meat time, happy meat, happy meat

I'm going to do my happy meat

Happy meat, happy meat

You're going to be my happy meat

There you go

Lincoln, Nebraska

Thank you for calling, I'm trying to talk to you, can I help you?

Hello, hello

Hello

Can you hear me?

me uh i'm a english uh uh uh bad uh i like order you take um we close at 10 c good yes order uh

uh you uh uh uh a long big a a big a round a happy meeting hello uh you can you understand

stand happy meat

me

order

English for a bill.

We are closed for business.

We close at 10, so I cannot

take an order.

Big happy meat.

Thick, long,

large

happy meat.

Is there anything else I can help you with tonight?

Take off

happy meat.

You were, um, over-modulating right there when you were screaming into the phone there to her.

Yeah.

What? What? What's wrong?

Oh, poor baby can't hear herself on the station.

What's going on?

She just goes...

Everybody, what the f*** do you want out of me?

You're a f***ing wee bastard, you know that?

You're speaking English, you f***ing mother f***er!

Hello?

Yes, how are you?

Who am I speaking to?

Mr. Stewart!

Yes, Stuart?

Mr. Stewart!

I got the big tooth in the back of my mouth

I have to show you the tooth

Now they're saying I can't hear Carlos

Like they can't hear you at all

Can we do track or no?

No, sorry sir

I can hear you

Made it a little too well

Who cares

I got it now

Test one two

Chat room can you hear Carlos

One two

Give a pee pee if you can hear Carlos

list all right good yeah in the chat room give me a pp if you can hear me all right good we got it

working again all right let's go back to i was pulling old numbers here from lonesome loser i

don't know if he's here no he's not here he didn't think you'll be back he just assumed you just you

know he made an ass out of me and him yeah well he didn't think he'd be around ken sending the

number for big brenda then you know that's it go big brenda isn't in sicko big booty brenda

is at uh uh what is it the 24-hour market or something something like that you know

remind me who big brenda is again which calls exactly big booty brenda is at some chicago i

think there's a 24-hour market some black lady they keep calling trying to holler at her oh yeah

yeah yeah asking her about the collard greens and then the collard greens right yes spent a whole i

think a whole half hour trying to get her back on the phone they finally put her on and i mean

You make a hair to yourself

And she gets pissed off

She hangs up

And you know

Well then she hung up

And then I spent another half hour

Trying to get her written up

And I think the next week

Called again

And I actually talked to her

She's like you know

Basically like

Why the fuck are you bothering me

And then

One time she was kind of flirtatious

But she's married

She's been married for 30 years

Or something

She's almost young

Well that is a matter

I know

It shouldn't matter

It shouldn't

I don't see how that matters

I don't think it matters

It's okay

I don't know

We'll play the field a little bit.

Brandon Vegas should be connected here.

Yep, I'm out and all.

Hey, Brandon is here and all.

Yeah.

There are some funny accents here in Pennsylvania.

People talk funny.

Yeah.

Talk funny.

It's America.

People talk funny in America.

All over.

Yeah, but they talk stupid funny here.

They ask questions funny.

The way they finish questions,

they have this weird inflection that they use in their accent.

And they say dumb things.

Like, y'all, y'all, y'all, one of y'all, one of y'all instead of one of you all, it's like one of y'all, that's, I've noticed that a lot, yep.

You're in, um, Pennsylvania State now, correct?

Yep, yep, people are friendlier here, though, you know, there's a lot of things that they do here.

Philly or where?

Uh, no, uh, more central area, uh, let's just say.

Like Amish country?

Yeah, more Amish country, yeah, yeah, uh, yeah, Amish country, I'd say.

say people are more friendly out here you know um they do a lot of things in traffic that if i was

in orlando so i probably shoot them to be honest with you the pittsburgh left well no they just

they let people um out like they let people over in lanes and traffic you never do that in orlando

you get shot for that i would shoot somebody for doing that it slows me down vegas also probably

here vegas is kind of cutthroat it's fucked up vegas man that reminds me i'm watching uh

Athena and I, today we're watching this show

out of Vegas, a reality show

of a former hooker who

started up an organization called

Hookers for Jesus.

She saves

prostitutes in Vegas and

reforms them and has like a halfway house

for them and helps them get jobs.

Yeah, it's one of those things.

It's quite interesting, but she still dresses

like a little dirty whore.

Nice.

Alright guys, more calls here.

Hopefully Lonesome Loser shows up

I keep mentioning him

Is there a way for someone to message Lonesome Loser

To let him know that we're actually around

And if he gets his shit

And hasn't hated Carbo Shiatu

Please

I don't know

There's only one person that I know of

That has Lonesome Loser's phone number

And that would be Evil Artie

How does he have it?

They're friends

They talk off the air all the time

but i don't know where my cell phone is i can call evil already he called me earlier today i

usually don't even answer the phone when already calls me that's probably why it's probably

says bad shit about you 100 back down to him and he's on his side and we're fucked if that's true

yep ken sent in a number for big booty brenda thank you uh new new sent in a number here for

let's see a guy named joe from michigan seems seemed a bit mad he was getting called late

uh according to his facebook wall he was in a meyer store yesterday uh doesn't know what kind

of store that is but we could be from there according to nunu nunu's doing some leg work

here trying to you know figure out so he i guess he posted yesterday he was at the meyer store and

his phone number is associated with his facebook account bam it's just like that dude it's like

Like hook, line, sink, or tuck, you know, people don't...

Yeah.

You know, you got to be super cautious on that Facebook machine.

Ah, yeah, there's openbook...openfacebook.org, I think it's called.

Is it? Is that what it is?

Yeah, phone loser guys do this, right?

So, what they do, they...

I'm not sure what search terms they use,

but they can get all these phone numbers for all these stupid teenage kids

that post their new cell phone numbers

on the Facebook.

Okay.

And, you know,

fun ensues from that.

Well, you know,

that's what you get.

Why associate your phone number

with a Facebook account?

Whatever.

Yeah.

Give me the teenager kids.

That's why.

Let's call them.

Well, yeah.

We're going to call them.

No hard feelings.

No words.

I got really bad hard feelings with Ted.

I don't want to hear about it.

It's a fast business, someone has to pay their phone bill, Tuck

That's about

Disconnected

Another prank call it is

Well, let me try him again, just in case

Leave a message, Tuck

At the tone, please record your message

When you have finished recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options

Uh, Joe

Uh, we were just kind of looking for you

tonight and seeing how you're doing and what if you're gonna come come to the church social on

sunday oh okay i'll let you go then tell your mama so i said hi okay kisses don't tell your mama

kiss you okay all right that's terminated all right well there we go thank you new new yeah

oh for two so far oh for three as a matter of fact um all right we got the white house hotel

They're located in Italy

Hey, that sounds kind of fun

Let's give them a call

Hey

This is Joe Pony

Joe Bologna

Hey

Joe Bologna

I'm going to do the

Insanely

Bad Italian

We have a name for him now

Joe Bologna

Joe Pony

Thank you

The operator is busy right now

We ask you to stay in line

Thank you

Hey

Hello

Hey

Hey, it's Joe Bologna.

How are you?

Hello.

Huh?

It's Joe Bologna.

Good morning.

How are you?

Good.

Listen, I have a complaint.

What English?

Put an English on Bafangul English.

Until quarantine.

Huh?

Let's see this guy.

Who cares?

If we had Zola around, he'd know what to say.

I'd just say Bafangul.

Yeah, where's Zola?

We need him.

Yeah, where is Zola?

We need him.

Let's try to call the Hotel Napoleon.

Good friends over there.

now um we spent all thanks oh is that the bruno calls bruno yeah yeah and the horse master well

the lady that we talked about horses i told her my wife is a horse yeah she was awesome she was

awesome she's kind of hot too yeah she was coming out of me until i told her my wife was a horse and

she got upset she put my on hold a google horse she didn't know what it meant came back like what

do you mean you say your wife is a horse i know i think she knew you were kidding maybe she's

French women like jokes.

Oh, yeah. They like horses, too.

I drop my pants and start laughing.

They eat a horse. Don't they eat a horse in France?

Paris? Horse meat?

Maybe. Could be. Possibly.

Who knows what they eat over there?

Eat weird stuff.

They're always famous for eating snails, you know what I mean?

Always eating snails.

As car got.

Well, did I not copy the number right?

I'm still getting used to the new setup here, folks.

You know, and you're just going to have to bear with me.

let me try to add a plus in the beginning here

I think that's what does it

yeah plus always works

it should automatically add a plus though

but you know

Brandon Vegas you're a radiophile right

I know you talk a lot about different online

ventures like well you listen to a lot of

radio online and stuff

don't you don't you know a lot about radio

yeah dude

I'm living in an area that for the first time

has satellite radio

but the Sirius XM has repeaters

where I live

I live in the outskirts of the metro area, so I can take advantage of the repeaters.

I don't have to have that damn line of sight to the satellite, so I can enjoy my Sirius

instead of my house for the first time since I've had Sirius Radio since 2005.

My dad's old office in Vegas.

The satellite repeater is right next door to it.

You don't even have to have an antenna hooked up to the radio.

Oh, that's cool.

Just kind of fed off of it.

All right, let me add Napoleon here.

The Hotel Napoleon.

Also, I want to mention Sean Ward doing prank calls again.

He was on two things.

Did another show last week, but didn't do prank calls.

He doesn't do it every show, though, but he does gags and bits every show.

Hello.

Hotel Napoleon, bonjour.

Bonjour.

Is Bruno there?

Hello?

Bruno.

English?

English Bruno.

Is Bruno?

In five minutes he'll see us, okay?

Five minutes?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Listen, listen.

I forgot to call back.

Five minutes.

I was going to mention, last time they told me 15 minutes, and I spent two hours waiting

for him.

Remember, I got really mad when I called at the end of the show two hours after I started.

Are you trying to ensue that French people lie?

A little bit.

it they give up a lot too i'm just saying the last time i dealt with the people at hotel they told me

that gentleman was going to be there in 15 minutes and two hours later they gave me a story that he

was never there i got so pissed off at those people that's when i went off on a lady i was

like if you tell me he's not coming that's been a whole like hour saying i want to go to sleep i'm

getting tired and milk was like dog barry gotta stay home gotta talk to bruno we're gonna stay

like oh i'm like all right fine we'll do it what milkman says always you know how that is he's a

liar too he's from a family of liars japanese liars all right let's call a restaurant here

uh in jamaica technically they didn't lie they just didn't make it with the um a treaty thing

in time before the planes actually hit okay didn't they send their diplomats to like yeah

Yeah, but the diplomats, like, showed up like a bunch of assholes because, like, the attack had already happened, and they showed up, you know.

They were making this big production, like, we're going to, you know, basically give the intent to invade, you know, proper informer, you know.

Yeah.

And it happened, like, four hours before the attack on Pearl Harbor had happened.

The White House already knew, and then all of a sudden these inter—

They bring this paper in, like, late, hours late, because they were typing it themselves and no one else would know.

Yeah.

And the guy, he already invaded, and he's sitting in this thing,

and the guy just kind of looks at him.

He has a staff, just glares at him, and he yells at him.

Of course, what do you expect?

So they show up like four hours after they had attacked the United States,

you know, blindsided in the biggest attack ever.

Then they show up like interpreters and diplomats are like,

oh, by the way, this is a letter that we're formally going to attack you.

Like, aha.

I guess you didn't get the memo about your memo, but we're aware of this.

Anyway, let's call Jamaica.

Somebody's cell phone wasn't working.

Hi, Jamaica.

Is this stupid Jamaica?

Is this the stupid Jamaican?

What?

Hello?

Yeah, hi, is this stupid Jamaican?

Is this the stupid Jamaican person?

Shut the fuck up.

Stupid phone.

Your phone is a piece of shit.

Mucky.

monkey monkey bye whatever you know what i'm saying at all god her phone sucks yeah her phone

was bad something's wrong with the zone like top of the show yeah basically all right let's try

again that's busy just my luck we'll try it in a little bit i'm sure it's unbusy more like a

shitty microphone but i guess that it's an actual phone number i see lonesome in the chat now

awesome good lonesome's here all right cool all right we're gonna call the drain liquor store

the drain liquor store insert your joke here insert joke here drain you guys ever pee in a

drain like you ever go to a oh yeah public bathroom and they have like that great that

circle drain in the bottom in the middle of the floor in case something oh yeah yeah you ever pee

in that i haven't done that before yeah i think all guys have done that at one point in their

your life that's just fun if i did i barely remember it because i was so drunk and i had a

piece you ever put some asana no ew man really that's gross smells horrible imagine yeah eat

some uh asparagus like the worst smell ever eat some asparagus and take a big piss in a sauna

right in the rocks there's a funny joke right there i'm gonna do that write that down talk

on the big board there you go thank you hello drain liquor store hi is this the drain yes this

is drain okay good listen um i was there you know you have that that kind of that grate in the middle

of the floor there like kind of like in the center have a what you have like that little drain thing

that's on the center of the floor over there no no in the back in case there's a spill there's

like this drain that's in the concrete in the floor huh no why what about it oh because i peed

there no i peed there seriously yeah what why did you do that i don't know i was drinking oh so

why would you want to come back ever well i just i wanted you to know what i did because i don't

want to i don't want you to fall down or anything because you know oh well i thought maybe you

wanted a different spot next time no well i mean are you into that kind of thing um i don't i'd

I'd like to see you in person, and I'd like to see you try that.

No, I went until you were, like, away.

No one was looking.

Oh.

You know.

Well, just stop in and remind me who you are.

Okay.

And you might be a little bit surprised.

But if you let me use the toilet, you don't let people use the toilet there, so.

Ah.

Why don't you do that?

So I'm going to have to go.

It's a law that I have to go.

If I have to go, you have to let me go.

You come here and talk to me in person, and we'll see what's law and what isn't.

Okay

Alright I'm going to

Take a shit in the floor

And mash it in the grate

With my feet

Yeah come on in

Uh huh

Put it everywhere

Uh how much

For a pack of cigarettes

I don't have any for you

We're all out

Okay

Now you have the

Little bottles of Bacardi

Uh no

We're all out

What do you have there then

Uh we're all out

We're closing

Cause we're having

Somebody come and be rude

To us like that

Why even be open

You're nasty and fresh

Ah

But I'm successful

Ain't I

No you're not

I got the point across

Did I get the point across?

But you're missing some teeth there, right?

Ah, come on in and see.

Check it out.

Is there a man I can speak to?

Sure.

The woman who messed up everything?

Sure, come in and check it out.

The woman who can't pee standing up.

You're just jealous you can't pee in the drain like I can.

Ah.

Because you're a woman.

It'll go all over your life.

Well, you come on in.

I got a phone call on the other phone.

Come on in and I'll talk to you in person, okay?

Can you put me on hold?

Okay.

Frost.

Hello, Drew.

Weeby video.

no she left

what's the name of that

wibby video

uh

she came to the drive up window

just a few minutes ago

after going to the store

so she's probably home

in about what

15-20 minutes

I'm gonna call on that phone

I'm gonna find the number

how are you

you're hot

down there

huh

phone sex

are you hot

down there

you should wash your cunt

alright we'll hang on

until we hear her hang up

and then we'll call her

yeah

tracing the call

can't find the number

of the video place

it's here somewhere

It could have been joking, who knows.

It was probably a friend.

You think it was a dirty video place?

Hopefully.

A liquor store.

Show me what it is.

Try video near.

Come on Google, you can do it, man.

Yeah, I found it.

I found it. WeBeVideo.

10-4, got the phone number.

Hang on, I'm going to comfort start this phone.

Let's do it. Yeah, let's comfort start here.

You know, so we can hear it on both ends.

this will be fun

alright cool

here we go

fucking great

uh

we be video

yeah

yeah listen

um

it's hot down there

you know

are you hot down there

can I hook up on that one

we're still connected

to the other one

haha

that sucked

alright

call me back

get into the fucking phone ring

and

she'll have to

this sucks

alright

whatever

it's in stereo

yeah I know

it is in stereo

alright

alright folks

that was that

um

for what it was worth

okay

Okay, so Lonesome Losers in the house, that's good.

Noonoo's here also, that's also good.

Nothing wrong with Noonoo being around.

Ugh, forest humps, very funny.

Can you send them that number? I promise I will call it.

Let me take a stretch real quick here.

Anywho, we're going to take a break real quick.

It's going to be about ten minutes when we come back with more show.

More calls on deck.

Lonesome is sending in numbers.

Hey, man, what's up, my brother?

Good to see you.

This is our first show since moving.

We're not at 100%.

I still got some equipment.

problems here some sound quality issues but it's a couple weeks back don't forget yeah i know i

mean it's better than nothing it's better than that i did a show when was it well like three

weeks ago four weeks ago that first weekend i was here by myself uh before the wife came up and uh

ruined my life again you know we were separated uh we had some marital problems but we're doing

okay now okay yeah nothing wrong with that i'm not ashamed of that minute tuck you have to leave uh

all the time because of your marital problems.

You leave the show and everything, and you,

you know. Yeah, uh, yeah.

So. I didn't bring it up.

Okay. You know. Alright, now you did.

I'm single, so I don't have to worry about shit.

Uh, nice.

Nice, nice, nice. Um, okay.

Now the system that I use to

play the breaks and stuff

and the music is totally deciding not to

cooperate. Beautiful. Awesome.

Well, Brandon, start humming

something for

mmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

that sounds like a l-

i'm gonna make a sandwich, that's what it-

it's something about this madhouse show, i get to like halfway through and i'm like

man i just want a fucking sandwich now

OH NEEEED A SNAKE

alright here we go

we're back after this

alright

kiss this-

call again?

okay

oh no

I already had to

do that last night

for an outbreak

busy guy

oh hello

hello

anyway

milkman calm down

no milkman

he's in here buddy

everybody

it's the first of the month

uh

matter of fact

what is it

it's april 1st

So, boy, get ready for your asshole stories of the Internet of the Year.

Oh, yeah.

Don't believe anything for the next 24, 25 hours.

Yeah, geez.

Oh, man.

So what will Google's be?

You know, Google always does one.

Pretty funny.

They make up a fake product that they announce.

You know, they did Google.

What did they do?

They did it once.

I remember one year they had that Google was going to deliver for free a printed email, like your Gmail.

they would mail it to you monthly

all your gmail

in a big box

I think they realize that people

are thinking they're going to switch up

and try something

else because people are expecting

the fake product

bullshit one

I think the thing to do is to come out with a legitimate

product today that's what you got to do

exactly yes

maybe there's a list

like google wave

exactly

I think that was last year's

Google Wave

you'd be a fool if you chose for that

I didn't understand that

what was Google Wave

it's like email but it's instant

I didn't get it either

I don't get it

I'd love to use it

it sounds promising

but I don't know

no one knew what to do with it

Zuckerberg announced for Facebook

a few months ago

it's not email but it's your own

at facebook.com address it's like okay four words yeah all right let's see here here we go i wanted

to go over this here with everybody real quick if you indulge me google in 2000 google released

mental plaque search technology supposedly reads the user's mind to determine what you wanted to

search for uh 2002 google says the closely guarded technology behind page rank is pigeon rank in

In which pigeon clusters or PCs could be used to compute the relative value.

Okay, funny.

I don't even get that.

2004.

Google advertised fictitious job opportunities for a research center on the moon.

2005.

Google gulped.

So there was no 2002, 2003.

It's not on this list.

Okay.

Maybe there was.

There had to have been.

2005.

Google rolls out Google gulp.

A fictitious drink that could increase your intelligence through real-time analysis of your DNA.

Google Romance hijacked the main Google search page in 2006.

It was a dating site for Google.

That's kind of funny.

That's kind of cool.

That actually sounds kind of too real.

Yeah, I know.

Yahoo and everyone else did it.

Gmail Paper was 2007, what I was talking about.

Oh, okay.

Offered users the ability to request a physical copy of any message with the click of a button.

Google will send it to them via snail mail.

Google TISP 2007.

Google will make use of a standard toilet and sewage lines to provide free internet connectivity at 8 megs per second.

Jesus.

Or up to 32 megs of the paid plan.

That's actually kind of viable, though, you know?

Go through the sewer system.

Why not?

It's already there.

Just run lines.

2008.

Google offered two gags after a dozen gags.

What?

Gigs?

A joint project with Verge, a group to establish a permanent human settlement on Mars.

Okay, whatever.

The wake-up kit sends an SMS message to your phone that fills more corrosive turrets that are used in Bucket, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, and here's where it gets boring again.

I've already zoned out.

Google Books Search, Scratch, and Sniff.

When was that? I don't remember that.

Okay.

Oh, I remember this one.

Google Custom Time.

This is last year where you could you could make it to your message. It went out six hours ago

So the hell's that the milkman milkman? Yep, stop it. Anyway, let's get you with some prank calls here for we call it a night

It's getting late for me

We got a guy who answered the phone named Tommy who was whispering with a scratchy voice I'm there

Discussing Lonesome Loser, the man himself

The dark hit man of prank calls

Hey, uh, Tommy

Tommy Byers

No one is available to take your call

What an asshole

What a fucking asshole you are

Cunt

Fucking milkman

That's exactly what milkman does in his voicemail

I thought that was milkman

Let me hang up before Tommy calls back

Maybe he's listening

Is this voicemail or answer machine?

I think it's answer machine.

Don't you hate it?

Isn't it really rude of people to do?

Brandon, you got that packet loss, Brandon.

Packet loss, man.

Quit moving around.

Put your packets back in a row.

We got a guy named Brian.

Ken sent in.

A guy named Brian just had surgery on his knee,

and he's terrified of something going wrong.

Call him and say I'm from Dr. Borden's office

and something went wrong with the surgery, okay?

You need to amputate his right knee.

You should freak him out. Wow. Pretty morbid. Let's do it.

Yeah, pretty disturbing.

Alright, let's do it. Let's call Brian and scare the balls off of him.

Y'all go freak, scare the shit out of him, make him bite his pants, make him...

Sir, your knee has AIDS. Just your knee.

Hello, Brian?

Yes.

Hi, this is Valenti. I'm calling from Dr. Borden's office. How are you?

I'm okay.

Okay, I'm sorry to bother you so late. Dr. Borden just contacted me.

He wanted me to get with you regarding the surgery that you had.

There seems to have left two screws inside the knee below the patella.

Have you felt any scraping or any...

I've been in a lot of pain since Friday.

I mean, it's kind of hard to tell you if I felt scraping or anything.

Can you try to extend your knee at all, see if you hear the screw?

I can. I'm in a brace that locks my leg straight out.

Okay. We're probably going to have to have you come back in as soon as possible tomorrow morning to remove that screw.

Okay.

Okay. Now, also, on the back of the knee, are you able to feel the back of your knee at all?

Is it safe for you to do so?

Yeah.

Okay.

I've already gone over this with somebody else earlier this morning.

Okay. They've run over the screw. They left the screw in there in an accident.

Yeah. Do you guys not, like, talk to each other or something?

No, I don't...

I don't think it's cool that you're calling me this late at night

when they've already told me they've got to cut my knee off,

cut my leg off below my knee.

They already told you about that?

Yeah, I was called early this morning.

There's an infection in my leg.

They've got to amputate it.

Okay.

How come you people don't talk to each other?

I mean, you think it's funny to call me at midnight

and let me know that there's something wrong with my knee when I already know it?

I don't get along with Dr. Borden, so I wouldn't know.

Well, now you know.

It's not very nice.

Nice. I'm right now contemplating the fact that I've got to go in there Friday

and have my leg taken off and the knee down.

Well, no.

I'm going to be without my leg.

Here's the confusion, then.

They're not going to have to amputate the leg, then.

Well, that's not what the nurse and the surgical person

and the person I pre-registered with earlier today,

they've already got it set up.

Well, they're not going to have to amputate the...

We just have to remove the screw.

The screw is a mistake.

Once we get the screw out of there, the infection will leave.

Well, there's metallic screws in my leg.

I have an infection in my leg.

No, it's a loose screw that's causing the infection,

and there's a stopwatch back there also.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I've already been to the hospital today.

I've already got it all set up.

Yeah, but...

I've been to Dr. Borden's office to talk to him today.

I've been to...

I don't know how many tests I've went and done today.

I've had my leg x-rayed and everything else that you could possibly think of.

And they told me that they're cutting my fucking leg off Friday.

Dr. Borden, he said he, we figured out he left his, he left his wristwatch inside the knee, under the kneecap, and a screw.

I'm telling you right now, this is not fucking funny.

He left his, he left the watch there.

Once we get the watch out, then the infection's out, and you'll be fine.

We'll give you some Ampro, and you'll be fine.

I don't think you quite understand what I'm telling you.

I've gone all through this today.

Okay.

I had knee surgery last Friday.

Right.

To fix apparently some torn tendons and a torn cartilage in my knee.

Right.

I was supposed to be off for six months.

How does this affect me?

Because you're the one that's calling me from his office, supposedly, from his office right now.

Okay.

Or from another part of the hospital, or whoever you're calling from in the hospital.

Okay.

And now you're telling me that, oh, it's not.

When I just went through a battery of tests, I've had blood drawn to make sure that my blood wasn't infected.

I have had x-rays.

I've had EKGs on my heart to make sure my heart's fine.

I've talked to my doctor, and he's told me there was a bad mistake.

stay and my knee has to be fucking taken off my leg's gonna be missing below my knee friday

the the knees we saved the knee we saved the knee you can't save the knee we did we saved the leg

the whole knee possible ankle and everything we saved it trust me if you looked at it you could

tell it's not gonna be savable there's fucking game green in my knee now it's just a matter i'm

telling you just gotta get the watch out of there that's all i'm telling you right now i don't find

this very funny and i this whole watch thing that you keep saying cute my knee my leg's going to be

gone below my knee i've been dealing with that all day okay have you said it's not it it's not

funny i'm actually quite pissed off about the fact that i was perfectly healthy till i got hurt

and because of some mistake and an infection that's in my leg now i got gangrene my fucking

flesh is being eaten as i'm sitting here have you said goodbye to the leg yet at all have i said

i goodbye to my leg are you fucking kidding me have i said goodbye to my leg really i mean you're

gonna sit there you're gonna sit there and tell a person who's gonna have their leg removed from

the knee down that they said goodbye to their leg you think that's funny i mean honestly sit there

and tell me that that's funny you wouldn't sit there you wouldn't sit there and say it's so

funny if you were in my position thinking every day right now i'm connecting the doctor line now

We're talking doctor.

Hello.

Yeah, hey, Sidgo.

Yeah.

Yeah, this guy says he doesn't know what we were talking about, about amputating the knee.

Oh, yeah?

I'm just kidding.

My leg's not getting amputated.

What the fuck's wrong with you people?

He's asking what the fuck's wrong with you.

Who?

The guy about the knee.

The guy that gave us the number that had his prank call.

What are you talking about?

Oh, no.

Are you looking for someone to help?

This is Sidgo, right?

Yeah.

I'm looking to talk to you.

About what?

I don't know.

Ice tea.

Ice tea?

Yeah, I like it.

I like iced tea.

You like it a lot?

Yeah.

It's cool, man.

It's cool.

Yeah, it's good, right?

Yeah, very good.

Yeah.

You like Fritos?

All right.

You like chili cheese Fritos?

Not at all.

Corn chips?

No.

I like corn chips and iced tea.

It tastes good together.

So what?

You just called just to what?

Oh, you ever have a hot dog with iced tea?

How you doing?

You ever have a hot dog with iced tea?

What can I get for you?

Fucking bitch smoking cigarettes over there.

Fucking ruining herself.

Anyway.

it never gets

I know

from pretty early on

I knew that was

the same guy

that sent in the number

Ken

very funny Ken

that's why I was

being purposefully rude

I would never say that

because I'm thinking

at one point

I'm diabetic

I'm probably going to

lose my leg at some point

so I wouldn't do that

if I knew the person

was legit

that's just bad luck

I'll get that prank call

from KDK

he's like

what did you think

about your leg

that'd be kind of funny

if it was real

I thought it was

until he started

fucking with you

yeah

Nunu wants UK calls now

well you know what I want

I want you to shut up

Nunu

I don't know what to do.

I don't know why.

He just decided to call a sicko restaurant and ask him about iced tea.

Anywho.

RBCB is going to shut his phone off.

Nice.

Anyway, seriously, thanks for sending in the number, guy.

That's cool.

I'm not mad.

It was kind of funny.

You know, you actually did pretty good.

You sent it pretty upset.

It was passable.

A lot of people fell for it in the chat room and all that.

Brandon Vegas fell for it.

I think Tuck fell for it.

Tuck fell for anything.

Whatever.

I got my beer, so I don't really...

You know, if it's fake or real, it's all fun for me.

There you go.

Tug's falling for many strippers.

Pizza, may I help you?

Hey, buddy, how are you?

Fine.

That's good.

Hey, listen, I wanted to ask you about that tea.

What is it?

The tea.

What tea?

The tea that you got there.

It was good.

Oh, you mean the cheese slice, like pizza?

Yeah.

Cheese pizza?

Uh-huh.

Okay, you want me to save it for you?

Yeah, it's good.

I like it.

It's good.

You save that?

Oh, sure.

I can save it for you.

Only one slice left.

You put it in a special box?

Okay, sure.

Okay.

What's your name?

Well, it's only me. I work here. Don't worry. You're not going to miss it.

No, but my name is Alex. What's your name?

Sophia.

Sophia?

Okay.

I want you to write Sophia on the box.

Okay.

Sophia plus Alex and then a heart around it.

Okay. What time are you going to pick up the flight?

What time do you close?

We close around 9.45.

Alright, so 10 o'clock.

Why don't you pick up at 10?

Yeah, you close at 9.45, right?

Yeah.

I'll be there at 10.

Oh, that means you don't want a pizza?

No, save it for me.

And to put it in a box, I want you to draw a heart on the box and put both our names in it and put forever.

Okay.

Okay, see you.

Number four and then EVA.

Excuse me?

I want you to write the number four and then EVA.

Forever.

And, like, it'll say, what was your name again?

Lucy?

Oh, okay.

Actually, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

See you.

Because I have answered the phone.

Okay?

Sophia.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

Wait a minute. Hey, Sofia, wait. Listen. Please. Sofia. Mira. Mira. Hey, Mira. Hey, Mira. Mira. Hey.

Okay, what would you like to order? Just a slice of cheese and I can save it for you when you come pick it up, okay?

But write Sofia on the box and then write Alex on the box and then put it inside a big heart.

Okay, okay, okay.

Both our names and then put forever on there.

Okay, okay, okay.

And then put your phone number on the box.

Oh, okay, sure. No problem.

And put your panties inside the box.

Okay, okay.

Your panties and your bra.

And take off your clothes and put them in the box.

Whatever.

Where the hell was that at?

I don't know.

Where was that?

Oakland.

Oh.

I was like, 945.

Who the fuck closes at 945?

Right.

Right at 945.

That's why I was like, I'm coming in at 10, motherfucker.

I'm going to make you wait.

Evil already checking in.

He says they were calling the dude drop in last night without permission.

Everyone knows in the prank call game, you're supposed to ask for our permission first.

uh before you even dare call um you know the dude sorry back um other secret stuff busy guy

sorry i hear myself hear myself why do i hear myself i don't know are your headphones on i'll

buy it no no all right let's call evil farty they haven't been on all night and the wall was

different it's so different now evil already has a big story about the do drop in let's get the

skinny on that that's where charlie is he fucks us you know i fuck you you know yeah i fuck you

you know i fuck you you know no you understand you understand you understand you how about now

hey big carlito nothing man do it tell me i was i was calling up the dew drop last night bro

yeah what happened how did it go did you get charlie i was on i was on the phone with him

for like 12 minutes no shit did you record it no me and lonesome recorded the first three calls

and then i'm like let me call him again from my phone and i had him on the phone that time for

like 12 minutes he was saying i'm stupid and shit ah you didn't record it you suck man i know but

the first two are recorded he's like you motherfucker it was so fucking funny well send

them where are they oh is everyone just coming what the fuck second though huh i'm at walmart

I'm loading up my car at this second, though, and my cart's rolling away, too.

Oh, shit.

My cart is rolling away.

Run, fat boy, run!

Get the fucking thing.

I didn't say my car was.

I said the cart was.

Yeah, I know what you said, but that's kind of...

Are you in the parking lot?

Yeah.

What do you got in the cart?

You don't have any money.

What do you buy in a Walmart?

I got a Walmart gift card.

Oh, hell yeah.

You can buy anything with that.

You can get your car.

you can get your uh your car repaired with that yeah i've had some walmart yeah some of them so

what'd you get tell me i got a two liter of diet dr thunder and then totino's pizza ramen noodles

too totino's pizzas dude those are awesome man they're like they're like 25 cents they're $1.25

they're $1.25 man they're five for and then i got i don't know how to explain these there's this

There's candy.

There's a piece of caramel, a circular one.

Gummy bears.

Josh's out there with, like, the sugar center.

Shakers?

No, it's, like, the size of a half dollar, and it's thick.

Thanks, shakers.

Nipples.

We've got the powdered shakers.

Shakers out, relax.

Chocolate nips.

Nips.

I don't know what the fuck they're called, but they're yummy.

Okay, good.

You ever had those new Hot Pockets things, the side shop?

Hot Pockets are for gays.

Huh?

Hot Pockets are for gays.

I eat sandwiches.

No, they're like fucking

sloppy dough thing for Hot Pockets.

Here's what you do.

You take that Totino's pizza, right?

You let it thaw out and then you roll it up

like a big blunt and you put that in the oven.

That should be your

Hot Pocket right there.

Eat that whole thing like a big sandwich.

You know what I'd rather do to it, right?

You'd rather fuck it?

Yep.

Oh, I found out some news about Bruno.

Alright, Bruno.

Yeah, you know Bruno from Hotel Abba Monteprennus or something?

The Napoleon?

No, it's from Abba Monteprennus.

I found it out.

In France?

Yeah.

What did you find out?

Why are you calling my people?

What's going on here?

I don't know.

What's that about?

What the fuck?

What's going on?

Lonesome gave me the number.

What an ass, that guy.

All right, so what happened?

Why did you find out about Bruno?

I just tried to call him.

He said five minutes.

He's only there on weekends.

Oh, really?

He's got a new schedule?

Yeah, why is he?

Yeah.

That's what the guy there told me.

He's there on weekends.

Okay, alright, well...

He's not at the Hotel Napoleon, though.

No, he's not.

Well, I accidentally just honked my horn.

Okay, well, watch out.

Be careful.

At a nigger.

Oh, wow.

Jeez.

Hey!

Dump that.

Now we're going to have to hang up on you.

We're going to lose our FCC license.

No.

So, how's Florida?

I heard it's raining down there in Orlando and shit.

Yeah, it's fucking shitty weather, dude.

My brother was stuck on a flight in Philly for about two hours.

Okay.

Just sitting there.

Because of Orlando.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay, well, there you go.

It went from being sunny to 50 mile an hour winds

like half an hour yesterday.

Yep, yep, yep.

Today I slept through it.

You did?

Yeah, I slept all day.

You were scared?

Oh, imagine that.

Okay, cool.

All right, dude, well, it's good talking to you.

I'm doing a show.

I'm on the air.

You want to do a prank?

Okay.

Let's call dude about that.

Let's do a prank.

This guy who steals my numbers now.

Let's see.

Thank you.

We're going to call the UK.

UK? Have you been calling the UK also with Lonesome?

No, I haven't.

You have this little thing going on now?

Are you sure?

What are we going to call? A restaurant?

No, we're going to call a person. We're going to wake them up.

Okay, wake up call.

Wake up call. I'll give you the name. Give me a second here.

The fucking name. 327-3333.

Windsor. DJ Windsor. Okay?

Is that the House of Windsor, dude?

Yeah, no, not the House of Windsor, guys. This is somebody else.

It's a different Windsor. That wedding's coming up, man.

Should I ask him to be invited?

Ask him, yeah.

It's coming up.

We've got like a week and a half left.

We're trying to get tickets to this thing, all right?

Here we go.

Yeah, let's do it.

You're my husband, Carlito.

We knew that.

Hello?

Hey, is this Mr. Windsor?

Yes, I was wondering, since you're the DJ at the royal wedding,

if maybe you can get me tickets to the wedding, Mr. DJ Windsor?

Hello?

He's the DJ at the royal wedding, right?

Makes sense.

He's the royal DJ.

Hey, Mr. DJ, why'd you hang up on me?

You've got to play the chicken dance right now.

They do it at all weddings, don't they?

Hello?

Mr. DJ, you gotta break it down, yo.

Oh, bother.

You fuck.

Break it down, yo.

I think Carlito's targeting me to give me bad numbers.

I don't do anything.

These are from your homeboy, your best friend.

Lonesome.

All right, I got Janet King.

Janet King.

You do Janet all the time.

She related to Rodney?

No, but she gets her ass beat all the time.

All right, Janet King.

You lead me in, Carlito.

I'll lead you in.

That's what she said.

All right.

That's a car

It's fucking hot, my car

The car's hot

Yeah, I had the heat on

You got your glasses?

No, I haven't gotten them yet

Jeez

This kid's bland as a bat driving around

Oh, I got new ones at LensCrafters

Hey, how you doing there, big guy?

This is the king

I'm fucking baked, get off

Fucking asshole

Wow

What the fuck did he say?

I'm fucking baked

He's baked

Let me call back and I'll talk to him

You stoners

That's what it is

I'm with the Neighborhood Watch Association.

What?

Neighborhood Watch Machine.

Hello, this is Barry with the Neighborhood Watch Association.

And we had reports that there were stoners there.

Is this a true report?

No, but if you call again, I'm calling the police because this is the third time and you're waking us up.

I'm not, well, we're not with the police.

Like, we have certain...

No, this is five o'clock in the bloody morning in England and I've had enough of it.

Enough of what?

We're just trying to figure out the crime, ma'am.

There's no crime here! There's no crime here!

There's criminals in... Listen to me, bitch.

Don't get lost!

Bitch, there's criminals in your neighborhood.

I've called the Neighborhood Watch myself because I'm a member of them, alright?

No, I'm the Neighborhood Watch Association. We're separate.

We're part of the Neighborhood Watch Association.

Not in this area, you're not.

Oh, yes I am.

We're from America.

My bad.

No, this is England.

So what? We have jurisdiction over you.

I'll get lost.

Sorry, I wanted to jump in.

She told you to bugger off.

That was funny.

Bugger off.

Who keeps calling these people over and over again and bugging them?

And then we get this full numbers because of it.

Bugger off.

What's that about?

I don't know.

So, hey, which Walmart are you at?

The Warren City Walmart?

Deltona Walmart?

Where'd you go?

Oh, I hung up on him.

Hung up on Big Artie.

Whoops.

I'm getting back.

No music to play.

So I'll hum my ass off

We got another king here

That last king was pretty interesting

We got the husband and the wife

Was that a sneeze?

That's like 5am there

That was a sneeze, bless you

I don't know if it was or not

A cough

Oh, fuck you then

I take it back

We should say bless you for coughs

You know?

Why not?

Yeah

It's a respiratory issue

This is Garson Debromolo

Hey Garson

Sorry about that

I think I'll use the name Barry from now on

Barry?

Yeah, Barry

Don't you do Wyatt or Wayne?

Is it Wayne?

No, that's the Wyatt voice.

It's Wyatt.

Oh, God.

I called Dewdrop like three times as myself, and then I call him as Wyatt,

and I'm spelling out an order, and he didn't even know what a blowjob was.

He's so stupid, that guy.

He's such a fucking cunt.

I wish I got that part recorded.

I did that to him once where I called him twice, and the third time I got him,

and I got the whole order through, and at the end I told him shit and piss,

and he's got

what did you say

shit and piss to him

or what

yes I did

I said

there's shit

and piss on the food

hear that shit man

this fucking guy

when I get in the house

I'll

call me back

and I'll send it to you

alright

sounds good

I'll be back in like

10 minutes

ok

alright well you gotta hang up

you home now already

yeah I just got home

alright I'll call you back

in 10 minutes

you gotta bye

alright later

shit and piss

we gotta hear that shit

and piss

well I got bad news

is it got 13 minutes left of battery on the laptop after that skype dies laptop hello yeah hi

how you doing this is king yes speaking king hello listen i need tickets to the royal wedding i

understand you're going to be there in attendance i think you've got the wrong number my friend

you're the stupid king yeah i think you've got the wrong number no this is maureen king and her

husband the queen uh i think it's wrong somewhere no no no maureen put maureen on maureen knows

He knows what I'm talking about, about these tickets. It's a private matter.

Queen. Tickets for the Queen.

No, I'm afraid you got the wrong number.

No, no, no. Tickets for Maureen.

You see, you're messing it up. Let me talk to a woman, please.

No, I'm not talking to anyone. Sorry. Sorry.

Horse's ass. She's interested in talking.

I hear her over there. She's like, I want to talk to him.

Yeah.

He's being mean.

I'm interested. You can talk to me.

Her pussy's aching.

Hello.

Yeah, hi.

Hi.

Is her, um, is she what or something?

She's not here, I'm afraid.

No, Maureen.

I heard her in the background.

She was talking.

No, that's not Maureen.

She was saying her pussy was aching.

You got the wrong number, my friend.

No, vagina.

Vagina, you know?

Vagina, sex, semen, you know, those things.

Until the guy said, not responding.

Anyway, all right, well, there we go.

DJ Windsor's out.

Janet King was fun.

Maureen King was okay.

We got the Governor's Mansion.

Let's go over there.

The Governor's Mansion.

Ha-ha, it's the governor's mansion.

Blah, blah.

But you have a nice big party at the governor's mansion.

Yeah.

A lot of good...

Pot party.

Nah, that's cocaine, people.

Nah, sure.

Pot is a poor man's drug, Tuck.

I know.

420's coming up.

Don't forget that.

Nope, I don't care.

Oh.

Thank you.

Okay.

The mansion in.

Yeah, hi.

Listen, uh, governor's mansion, right?

Hello?

Governor's mansion.

mansion yes yeah this is the warden i'm calling about the stay of execution

whenever they've heard that one before uh every every uh every every midnight every april 1st at

midnight i should have done a different i'll try it now big canadians in the chat room

want some losers back as is rc rbcp good deal oh fuck oops anyway yeah the thing is if if i don't

want the if i put the ladder the laptop that runs skype and half the show if i put that back on the

charger you end up getting that very bad staticky shit noise where's your real mad computers at

what happened to them my wife took them into separation she she decided to sell it at a

garage sale wow oh that's nice damn thanks damn no we had an argument we thought about it already

i shook her up i shook her okay but there wasn't any popped up shit on the hard drive

those are just used for show purposes the the server safe the main server is safe okay

it sounds so bad i've got it i've got the laptop plugged in now and it's like

if you listen on new stream or whatever you'll hear it it sucks yeah

i hear you over modulate when you get to a certain uh level yeah well nunez wants us to

call that number that he tweeted to us oh god what number is in the uk probably probably it

this this is a guy uh for the american telemarketers association yeah tim cersei

i just guess i was a wild guess there wild guess is it tim cersei who's in the uk right now

yes yes in the uk these choices then it would like jerk off that happened oh my god

Tim searches in the UK

Oh my god

He's at a convention in the UK

And he's on Facebook

And he's at a

American side of the Confederacy

At a convention

In the UK

And he's got tickets to the Royal Wedding

And it's 5 o'clock in the morning

My quarter of the computer

7 minutes remaining

My battery is low

11%

Oh, wow.

Let's do it with static, fuck it.

As long as I can hear you good.

You guys are going to have to deal with it.

This used to happen on the old setup but it wasn't as bad and you couldn't really tell

as long as something was playing, music wise or something. I don't know.

I've never done it before.

Well you're an adult, okay?

Plus I'll split the twenty foot kimono.

You know what? You're right, man.

Sorry, that's very rude. Call someone an adult.

Hello?

Hi, yes, brother. How are you?

Ben?

Yes, hi, brother. How are you?

I think you got the wrong number.

No, absolutely not, sir. First of all, listen, this is Bill.

Pardon?

This is Bill.

Yeah?

I'm calling to wish a happy birthday to your Mrs. Burroughs, the old woman.

Uh-huh.

Okay, I want to wish her a happy birthday and apologize for being a few hours late.

Uh-huh, okay.

Could you put her on the phone, please?

How are you speaking?

I'm speaking well. Can you put her on the phone, please?

No, she's sleeping.

Oh, can I sing happy birthday to you?

It's five o'clock in the morning here.

I know, I'm calling from America. It's still yesterday right now.

Uh-huh.

Okay, I want to sing a sexual happy birthday song.

No, you can't. No, I'm sorry.

Oh, does she get...

Goodbye.

Can I please sing?

Goodbye.

Listen, shithead. Fuck. Bill.

Thank you, cunt.

Shit, hold on. Hello?

Yesterday, your mature

will soon show flower.

Fucking static. Shut!

There's no answer there. Okay, so we end the show.

I think we've had fun.

Fun! Fun!

I do declare, this show has been fun.

I can't stand that fucking static shit.

Jesus Christ. I don't know what I'm gonna do with this show.

You're crackling, yeah.

You're crackling. You get a certain

and volume in your voice.

Yeah, it sucks. Anyway, well,

that's that. We'll be back

next week. We're going to start doing the weekly shows

again. I'll start trying to edit shows

also, you know, all that stuff. All that good

things. Oh, yeah? So you're going to be back next

week. You'll actually be

here to show. I'm back. Static and

all, motherfucker. I will be back. Alright.

I want to thank Nunu,

Tuck, and

Brandon Vegas for being here. Also,

thank you, gentlemen.

is um yeah new new for sending in numbers of course lonesome loser good seeing you again man

sorry i didn't get to all the numbers you sent um everyone else so who sent in numbers ken sent

in numbers he sent in a decoy someone wants you to call a number immediately uh from

in the phone loser's chat room for some reason here i will translate it oh i didn't go to the

I forgot about that.

Whoops.

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

I'll be in the Madhouse chat after the show.

All right.

Yeah.

Good.

I'll hang out there for a little bit also.

Send that to me.

Hurry up, Tuck.

I'm running out of battery.

I know.

Boom.

Go.

Do it now.

All right.

How do you get messages on this thing?

What do you mean?

Where did you send it?

On Skype?

On Skype.

Skype.

Yeah.

I don't know if Skep had a messenger thing.

Well, it does.

It always has.

Oh, I get you.

Oh, here we go.

I think I see it.

No, I don't.

Yeah.

I don't see it.

Nope.

Nat, ask the sensei you're Google now.

Google.

I don't know if Google has a chat now.

Shit.

I'm kidding.

I got it.

So who is this?

Is this a random number?

I have no fucking idea.

It's Cole.

Cole Call.

cold call cold call carlito let's do it it's you that's what they call you it's cool

cold call carlito is this a legit person are they trying to give me to call the nba in miami

from phone losers said tuck call tell carlito to call that number immediately

it says that's the only it says invalid phone number well then there you go everybody

I copy and pasted it exactly how you want it

That's what you get

So you will be

It's got like an extra digit in it

I don't know

I don't know where that's from

I copy and pasted that

Well I'm sorry Kraz

Sorry you couldn't do it

Sorry buddy

Alright well

In the meantime by email

I've gotten the prank calls here

From Evil Artie

so i'll play those after the show we'll all listen to those together for the first time okay

all right thanks to arty for calling in again lonesome loser i already thanked you so forget it

uh everyone everyone who tuned in and sent in numbers thank you yeah all right back next week

thank you

We just came through to check y'all niggas, you know what I'm saying, to show some love.

Us niggas don't know how long we gonna be here, feel me?

So enjoy this shit and enjoy yourselves, and then we outta here.

Hit me.

Calls (20, 54 min of 1 h 44 min)

Transcript

Comments 0