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Brother, who is this?

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Taking the world.

98.6.

ML.

All right.

Good evening, everybody.

Carlito.

the greatest pranker alive milkman the greatest co-host alive how you doing

buddy how you doing buddy it's good to hear from you

thanks man doing much better it was there's a crisis day today i get to explain that all of you

quite the crisis out there in a carlito world real world we're gonna talk about that we got

got some breaking news also here and you might not have caught came out in the last uh hour or

so milkman and i'll be updating you on a national crisis anyway if uh you're listening tonight good

for you for listening live and you should send me numbers to prank call madhouse radio on aol

and yahoo instant messenger again if you're using aol or yahoo instant messenger madhouse radio is

the screen name and uh madhouse at live.com if you are on msn thanks everyone who's tuning in

tonight a lot of you in the chat room a lot of you checking out uh the deal here's the deal um

so yeah man uh crazy day today milkman um i know you were busy getting a cell phone repaired did

you catch any of uh president obama's speech tonight did you know he was having one i knew

he's having one but how come that people won't you're not allowed to listen to it people aren't

allowed to listen to it what are you talking about you didn't have a ticket yeah you're

supposed to get it did you just say that crazy nation won't let you listen to it oh no no crazy

crazy crisis in the nation i'll let you know uh but uh yeah president obama had his speech and

basically he wants to introduce a 450 billion dollar uh plan for jobs job growth um more the

same rhetoric if you ask me um i did notice that representative uh boehner who was sitting behind

him of course and the speaker of the house position next to vice president joseph biden

and really didn't clap very much during most of his speech.

Very split down the middle.

And I just don't think they're going to come to an agreement on this, passing this bill.

But the president coming through with a lot of different tax plans.

Some of them I like.

Milkman, I noticed when he said he's going to institute a tax cut of $4,000 on small businesses

if they hire somebody who's been looking for employment for six months or more,

which is kind of interesting.

interesting um i don't know if that puts uh people who are just recently unemployed at a disadvantage

or um do you see it as that or would you see it as it's um promoting you know promoting uh

you know business to hire someone who's been unemployed for a while or just to hire all

together i don't know because uh he also he also included a he said his bill package uh includes

an extra year extension of unemployment benefits for all unemployed americans i would think that

puts him like at around two and a half years at this point no man i don't know it's just it's

it's a lot it's a big comprehensive thing he seemed very fired up he seemed very um aggressive

more so than he has been recently um i've been kind of sick and tired of both sides of the

political spectrum including president obama i've pulled a lot of support for him um i don't even

think at this rate i'm going to vote in the next election presidential election in in 2012 i don't

see the point anymore i don't think anybody has a right the tea party movement has uh basically

basically hijacked um the republican party uh uh that governor perry from texas is a joke

mitt romney is a joke um you know whatever any thoughts milkman you cater to interject before

we go to the next subject here we got three things we gotta talk about that was one i heard

sarah pegleggan's gonna be the next president she's gonna run yeah sarah pegleggan's supposed

to be the next president good for her but she's good she has to kick the clinton's ass in a death

Deathmatch, cage match, UFC style.

I'd really want to fuck her doggie style, dude.

She's got that look.

Don't you just want to fuck her doggie style?

You know what I mean?

I'd like to fuck her with a dog's dick because I find her very disgusting.

No, I don't, man.

I'd bang her.

I don't like her personality, but she'd be an angry fuck.

I have some rodeo sex with her.

You know rodeo sex is where you get on top of a girl from behind and she keeps trying to kick you off?

And you're like, eh, eh, eh, like that.

uh uh like you haven't Sarah Peglin yes Peg Peg Leg yes you always you love making up funny

things like Skype what's Skype what do you call Skype Milkman it's always been Skype

this as long as I can remember what's Windows Vista Milkman what do you call that Windows

Vista temporary OS no used to call it Windows Pista all the time and you do one of your

interchangeable anyways anyways so Milkman more breaking news I don't know if you heard

heard about this one but apparently a credible threat uh supposedly against the united states

uh a uh they call it a credible threat they're actually discussing raising the national terror

alert tonight or this or tomorrow morning um with the anniversary of 9-11 this weekend uh apparently

uh what they're saying is that it's a very high credible threat of some type of explosive

vehicle uh attack in washington dc and new york and or new york city um apparently they they're

looking for three uh people who recently entered the united states via afghanistan via iran one of

whom is a united states citizen and uh apparently these individuals are connected with two stolen

uh rental vans moving vans one from a penske and one from a budget um which are supposedly right

right now on the road uh laden with explosives on the way to carry out some type of explosive

terror attack on the uh on washington dc and or new york city i hit the wrong sound effect really

i wasn't trying to clap milkman are you concerned you think it's fake do you think it's uh you know

you think it's a contrived uh thing um or do you i think i definitely agree it's mostly probably

contrived for the uh you know keeping people in the field on whether there's really something

been going on you know well we'll see well you'll feel really bad when when something does happen if

it does milkman you know we're still waiting for the other shoe to drop and of any any time why not

the anniversary of september 11th why not that could be when it happens anyway and uh last before

we get into prank calls wanted to mention here milkman today i was uh busy i uh my cell phone

battery uh died in the morning i didn't even notice and i was busy here organizing stuff in

this room that i'm sitting in right now is organizing a lot of papers that i had and files

on the computer and um the house phone number uh rings no one ever really calls a house number

unless it's an emergency here and it was my mother-in-law it was like three o'clock in the

afternoon she's like yeah athena's been trying to get a hold of you all afternoon haven't you

heard about the water i'm like what water it's like yeah they're shooting off the water where

you live tonight and they still as of now they still haven't shut it off but there's been so

so much raining and flooding um that they decided to shut off the water system here where i live

uh so i i i filled up the bathtub so i can flush the toilet they tell you to do that

i wasn't the athena was all panicked so i'm trying to call you what we're gonna do

like i told the first thing shut up and number two i just put in the uh emergency um carlito

little uh emergency preparedness plan okay for i'm ready for things like that basically i i um

you know when it comes to a nuclear possible nuclear confrontation between the superpowers

or uh impending uh hurricane or something of this nature or the water system is getting shut down

i've got uh enough for a gallon a day for everyone who's in here in the house uh for two weeks i got

I got empty containers and I immediately went and I filled up all the containers of water

and I filled up the bathtub with hot water so that we can flush the toilet.

You know, I did all the dishes real quick and I did all the laundry and that's it.

And within an hour, you know, emergency preparedness is here.

I set the coffee maker.

I filled it with water so we can have coffee in the morning.

And I filled up a few of the pots and pans, a few of our pots, cooking ware with water for cooking.

There you go.

What else you got to do?

You don't have to panic.

Athena was all worried and mistaken.

But then I've got to ask you, I never had to do this before, Milkman.

How do you flush the toilet if the water's out?

Like they tell you, have water on hand, you can flush the toilet with...

Where do you put the water in to flush it?

Do you put it in the tank or in the bowl?

Particularly the way the toilet is.

I mean, really all the toilet, the shitter is, is that tank in the back.

It's like holding a bucket of water over top of the...

It comes down through the back.

So you just take a bucket and you hold it right over top of the shitter.

Do I put it...

So I don't put it, I shouldn't fill up, can I just fill up the tank?

And then just flush it like normal?

Or should I actually pour it down the toilet?

You can do that, it's probably inefficient.

So I gotta put it down the toilet, on your side.

Just put it down there, man.

Alright, so I'm gonna take my shit, I'll take my shit, right?

And then I wipe my ass.

Do the shit cutter.

So then, this is probably on YouTube, right?

I'm guessing, I could probably see how you do this on YouTube.

Someone find me a link on YouTube, how to flush toilet without water.

Well, not without water, but manual water flush.

This is how they do it in the U.K.

They don't have flushing toilets.

They always flush the toilet like this, from what I understand.

That's the U.K. way.

Maybe Nunu or Jill or anyone other of our U.K. listeners can help us out.

You might also notice my voice is kind of funny.

I've been kind of coughing.

Not a fever, but coughing a bit here and there.

And my voice is kind of hoarse.

I will cough through this in a while tonight.

What happened, bro?

I'm just coughing a little bit.

Anyway, did I mention last week my wound back got taken off yesterday?

Yesterday, my PICC line got taken off.

I'm completely free.

My arm is very sore because it had a plastic line,

plastic tube that was leading into it all the way down to the heart,

to my chest, and it got yanked out yesterday really fast.

So my arm is very sore.

My vision situation hasn't changed much.

I did have a follow-up appointment tomorrow for my eyes,

and they got canceled because of the flooding situation here.

And that's Madhouse News.

Nunu is sending in numbers for someone named Alexander.

That's good.

He was very pimped out, man.

What? The music? You like it?

I'm very pimped, man.

Oh, cool. I like it.

I could share it with you.

It's crazy, man.

I was running up to Oakland, man, and then all of a sudden a bunch of these brothers, man, started hitting the ground, man.

I thought somebody was shooting, and then they started spinning around and shit and breakdancing.

Careful of those brothers, man.

They was hit, and they was into it, man.

They was into your beats.

Yo, yo, yo.

All right, so Serbian.

Yeah, man.

We got a Serbian homophobic person, Milkman.

I got a Serbian homophobic man, motherfucker.

Yeah.

A Serbian homophobe, we got here.

We also have a clown convention, Milkman, that Nunu has sent in information for.

Nunu's going to be heading up a convention.

I thought they already had the clown convention.

I guess this is a different one.

Well, if anybody would be great at heading up a clown convention, it wouldn't be less than our brother, Nunu.

He's been there to handle a convention or two.

Has Zola been on at all?

I've known Zola in a long time, too.

I was going to ask you that, the unknown cordial.

Where is our man Zola?

I know a few weeks ago he was doing his battle cam stuff.

I don't understand battle cam, man.

Like, I try to watch it, and it's like, I don't get the point.

Like, everyone gets on for, like, two minutes at a time,

and you get voted out, and everyone's angry at you.

This doesn't seem...

Dead in jail with London.

Dead, yeah.

Yeah, he got put in jail because of those people.

He's supposed to be released.

He's been out, dude.

I had a court case coming up because of the whole thing, what happened.

but someone called his police local police and said he had a gun and he was going to kill himself

and the police raided him live on the uh live on the on the webcam there's a video of it on

youtube and everything anyway um amd is in the chat room milkman good friend of yours i know

we haven't talked to him in a while well he was in last week uh jill msg3 clay herbal bacon

regulate from uh rbcp fuckers rbcp fuckers pla fuckers rbcp is there also uh richie

Richie Randall is in closing.

The N is there also.

Been there, sitting there all week in the chat room.

Randall's in the chat room?

Richie Randall is, yeah.

I've been thinking about as soon as I get a job, get some income coming in again,

I think we're going to go ahead and get a shoutcast stream going.

It's good, and we'll keep doing the shows on PLA, on Cacti Radio.

But as far as for the webpage, the Madhouse page,

the player links are all for the Cacti Radio, which is all fine and good.

But I've had a few people asking, you know, why Madhouse isn't on the website.

They click on the shoutcast.

They can't find a Madhouse shoutcast anymore.

Everyone's still not getting an email like that.

I've found some cheap options out there.

And we're still going to do Cacti.

We're still going to be, you know, affiliated with Cacti Radio and PLA.

But at the same time, we'll be running the shoutcast for people who visit the website.

People out there in the shoutcast, Winamp browsing world.

old maybe i can make a android app finally uh with that running on it that'd be cool yeah all

right let's do some prank call you're late getting it completely wrong as usual nate dog and warren g

had to regulate i don't know some white guy got some wiggers in the house yeah venison's in the

house now as well as tuck reporting in let us know venison if you have an opinion on the whole

terror alert you're african-american so you're probably involved in the wall of sin i can't get

get my mouse to react here and undo a call by now if i could what happened to neil venison

where's neil at bring neil neil does the show every sunday or saturday sunday night but she

doesn't do pranks she just plays japanese anime music funny interviewer how did neil be hurtful

neil is the love friend of the show he was always a little bit of an attitude he asked me

yeah it was a friend of the show come on she even did calls with us remember she called um

who the fuck was it she called debbie mansfield with us this year we're calling a homophobic

Serbian named Alexander.

Your calling is unavailable at the moment.

Please try again later.

La bonne que vous désirez joindre ne peut vous répondre en ce moment.

Veuillez réessayer un peu plus tard.

Two, five.

God, France doesn't give it up, do they?

They got to have every, rather France, Canada doesn't give up ever.

They got to have everything in English and French.

Man, I can't talk tonight.

Isn't that ridiculous, Milkman?

Huh?

Exactly.

I met some pretty cool French people this summer.

No, uh, Nuna, you just sent me a number, a second number here, but what for?

Is that the same person?

Because we just tried to call his cell phone and it didn't pick up.

Let me know.

What are you doing?

In the meantime, let's try to call a dude up in.

Let's see what they're up to.

I have to disconnect that cable so the sound doesn't sound so bad.

Nuna, it wanks a lot.

Leave your message for a day.

Record your message.

There you go.

Everybody, that's, that is, uh, Charlie's, uh, cell phone number.

If you caught it, you had a chance to catch it.

There you go.

That was a hot number.

Yeah.

No, the one before that.

That was Charlie from the D-Drop Band.

The I Fuck You guy, you know?

That guy?

Yeah.

Boy, this show is going swimmingly as usual tonight.

Lonesome Loser is not in the house yet.

Hopefully he'll be joining us soon.

I'm sure he will.

Ah, shit, dude, we're missing the football game.

Ah, crap.

Aaron Rodgers, he's my quarterback.

And my team, the Mouth, which is my team on the Madhouse Radio Football League,

which Milkman was uninvited to.

Oh, cool.

Aaron Rodgers is playing tonight.

Green Bay.

Quarterback.

Defending champion.

What do you guys do?

WNBA fantasy team?

B.A. fantasy team?

B.O.N.B.A.

Do they have a WNBA fantasy league?

I don't know.

Does that even work anymore?

Do they play still WNBA?

Holy shit.

Happy headed.

Look at them go.

Oh, they're a summer league, right?

They should be wrapping things up now.

I don't know.

I know the NBA is locked out.

They've got a month left until the preseason starts, and they're on strike.

The players' union is on strike, and they haven't come to an agreement yet.

They're not even talking about it in the media.

Who knows where that's at?

I've got a feeling the whole season is going to be lost.

Bullshit.

Anybody have to give me an update on the football game right now?

Green Bay versus New Orleans.

Let me know what the deal is.

Let's go appreciate it.

You're a part of the WNBA team, man.

I don't know any of them.

I know Orlando used to have a team.

The Vibers?

No.

Orlando had a team.

The only other team I know is the LA Sparks.

That's all I know.

What about the Dills?

How'd they do this year?

The who?

How'd they do?

I mean, do this year.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't watch those women leagues.

I don't recognize that stuff.

The Vibers, the Dills.

Yeah.

Milkman, try to stand track here, okay?

Let me go back to noon and see what other number he sent in.

Carl Hendricks, he's black and has a black son.

Imagine that.

Reminds me of Final Fantasy.

I play Final Fantasy.

Hello?

Yeah, how you doing, sir?

Hello?

Yeah, good evening.

It's Cross.

How you doing?

Yes.

It's who?

This is Cross.

Hey, I had a question.

You got that black car, right?

You called on a number, sir.

No, you're a black man with a black car, right?

Nope.

You're not a black?

Nope.

Do you have a black car?

Nope.

You fucking...

You're lying to me, sir.

I'm going to run a test on you right now.

It's so funny.

If this is a prank call, it's not funny at all.

I'm going to run a...

Listen, excuse me.

I want to run a test on your hands.

If you want to make a prank call...

I want to run a test on your hands!

Shut up!

I don't know right now.

I want to run a test on your...

Hey, shut up!

Test on your hands.

Okay.

Hands!

Okay, you got like five seconds.

You got five seconds.

One.

Two.

Three.

Okay, five seconds.

Peace.

You didn't give me five seconds.

Hello, sir?

That's not fair.

What's going on, Nunu?

Why are you doing this to us, man?

fuck why are you why are you fucking this show up so bad what's your problem man

we're just two now just log off the chat don't participate anymore seriously you see that shit

what new news says there's a black man with a black car and that's what he sends me

and the guy's like oh no blood gonna have a black your mouth and he's not even funny

i don't get it where are you getting this kind of home make me look stupid i think you know if

you were driving a drudge stratus then it would have made a lot more sense the black car didn't

Oh, we're calling Addison. He's a telemarketer. He went to some school.

A telemarketing school?

Just a school. For some reason, Skype doesn't want to dial. What the fuck?

I piss. Damn it.

A member of Skype.

Seriously, it wouldn't fucking dial.

I piss.

People are wondering why the name Skype Piss was such a prominent name.

I could go Skype Piss Thunder.

Seriously, it won't work. I don't get it.

Are you playing this song?

Let's go.

I need my pranking hat.

Yeah, Addison.

Yeah.

Hey, buddy.

Listen, I got a report here.

Here, you're not supposed to call people on the do-not-call list.

Hello?

What's that?

You're not supposed to call people on the do-not-call list.

For what?

At your job.

You know you're not supposed to call people on the do-not-call list, right?

Yeah, there's a do-not-call list that you're not supposed to call, but you called my mom.

She complained because she keeps getting calls from your company, and she keeps making a track of it.

And after 30 days of being on the do not call list, if she gets a sales call or a telemarketing call, um, then there's, there's like a civil case that can happen because of that.

Wait, I haven't even like started working or anything yet.

Are you talking to the admin center or what?

No, no.

They had you down.

You were going to be giving a call tomorrow to my mom on the list.

I don't know what you're talking about because I'm not working or anything.

Well, whenever you're starting working, they have her down as one of the accounts that you're going to be calling to try to sell to.

You understand?

understand what's her name her name is valente diana valente yes okay well call it if you if

you dare call her i'm gonna put such a lawsuit on you personally i've got some personal information

of yours already and then if you actually if the call goes through um if it rings more than twice

to her number then i'm gonna have a lawsuit against you because i'm giving you fair warning

that you're not supposed to call my um call her at all i don't know what you're talking about

because i haven't even like worked or anything i don't even know like how to do it or anything

thing like i'm not even supposed to call tomorrow or anything because i'm not working there tomorrow

or anything doing that kind of stuff you must have the wrong person when you start working then i

start i start training next week at center for work but i haven't even started working at all

or anything i think the best thing you do is you don't even go to that because even just going into

that if it somehow you end up calling my mom there's going to be a lawsuit against you and

it's just serious stuff this is a pretty serious business sir so i've got your last name i got

got your last name is yeah what's your name this is cross this is who cross my name is cross

yeah my mom's my mom is diane valente valente is your last name yeah diane valente this is

cross valente listen um diane valente okay so how'd you how'd you get my number it was given

to me by my lawyer he's metering out he found they infiltrated uh the organization you're going

to be working for and they found that you you're that my mother's number is in the list of people

Well, you're going to be calling.

You're going to be in charge of calling.

Okay, well, I'll make sure I don't ever call her.

I need to get a little information from you, though.

First of all, what is your Social Security number?

I'm not going to give you that information, sorry.

I have it here already.

You just have to confirm it for me.

No, I'm sorry.

I'm not going to give out that information to you.

Okay, all right.

And you haven't started working yet?

Yeah.

You haven't been paid any wages yet by the...

Hi, can I help you with this?

Hello?

You haven't been paid any wages yet?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Who is this? Is it a different person?

This is Addison's dad.

Why don't you identify yourself when you first say hello like that?

Well, I want to know what you're talking about while you're harassing my son.

Well, Addison is in a little bit of trouble because he was getting ready to place a call to someone on the Do Not Call list,

and my lawyer let me know through an infiltration of the records of that organization that he was getting ready to make a call.

And they've been making harassing calls without permission while they're on the federal do not call list.

So I'm looking for a little bit of information for the lawsuit.

When was this, though?

Bastard son. I'm sorry?

When was this?

The infiltration was earlier tonight.

Yeah, he hasn't even worked at any call center or anything.

He just has been here at home and starts school on Monday and starts training at center on Thursday.

say yeah see what happens is they assigned him a list of numbers to call already right and he

hasn't called anybody i have we have someone on the inside who was watching out for this

so we're asking him to be to cooperate with us first um so we can take them down what um he

hasn't made a single call to anybody because he hasn't been employed and so what i would like is

uh maybe your phone number and social security number well i won't give you my security number

I don't know why you're asking me for that. That's private information. Well, you won't exactly what you're asking for

Well, because this is for a lawsuit you see well, my son

I was a lawsuit because he hasn't made a phone call to anybody. Well, I represent even

He hasn't worked at this. Yeah, but he filled out a w-2. He filled out a w-2 sir, but he hasn't worked

One second at that place. He had me and filled out a w-2 there. They're their processes papers. I don't understand

I'll tell you what.

You give me your phone number.

You want to give me your phone number?

Here's what I'm offering.

Okay, yes, I will give you my phone number.

But before that, here's what I'm offering.

We can get him out of this trouble if he enrolls in Privacy Guard now.

It's $39.99 for the first month.

No.

No, I'm sorry.

After three days.

We're done.

Free trial.

Well, wait, there's more.

No, we're done.

If he acts now.

Goodbye.

If he acts now, we'll be willing to send him the Ginsu knives.

this one right now please leave a name and a message and i will get back to you as soon as i

can we'll try them again later i'll try to sell them on against you knives i'm going to throw in

on there milkman that's a good deal against you knives you know you can cut a piece of pipe you

know and then you turn around and you cut that tomato right through and it doesn't mess it up

i've seen it on tv yeah you could ask him he's interested in the could be interested

over there in la do they have those stores in the mall that like um that are used you know

No, as seen on TV.

As seen on TV.

Have you been into them before?

Yeah, yeah, it's a commercial.

Now, do they carry, like, the knife and the kitchen products by a guy named Chef Tony?

Have you ever seen that?

Dude, I haven't been.

Wow, man.

Probably so, though.

When you see it, he's the most retarded looking.

He looks like a mongoloid Italian.

His name is Chef Tony.

Oh, really?

It's like Chef Tony.

He's got his picture.

Chef Tony.

I've never seen the commercials before.

Well, they're off the mind.

I've never seen the commercial before, but he looks a little touched.

A little, got a bit of a, got a touch of retard.

Dark Strange is broken on finding the video.

I've never seen the video.

I've just seen the product with his picture, and I'm like, oh, my God.

He looks like a fucking retard.

Ugliest fucking chef ever.

That's saying a lot.

There's some ugly chefs out there.

Is Paul Perdom still alive, Paul Perdom?

I haven't heard about him in a while.

Oh, he's all right.

Paul Perdom.

Hope you're all having a great night.

this is madhouse radio if you're using aol or yahoo instant messenger send me your requests

over at madhouse radio that's the screen name aol yahoo instant messenger madhouse radio

and uh on msn messenger madhouse at live.com we are on 98.6 we're also on cacti radio i i made it

i really really wanted to listen to the last phone show on tuesday two nights ago but because

of the holiday i thought all day it was monday god it feels like monday because it was the first

day of the week even though i'm not working i totally forgot about it late at night because

for some reason i thought oh that's tomorrow i was like i can't wait phone show tomorrow phone

show tomorrow and then i woke up tomorrow on wednesday and i said ah shit last night was

tuesday oh shit so i missed it again twice in a week now that i've missed phone show and i really

like the phone show it's fun i like the phone after show the after show is better than the

phone show sometimes i like roxy she's really nice she has a really cute laugh brad has a cute

cute laugh laugh track matt has a cute laugh i like your missus shut up nuna sent in a number

for a chinese woman in britain chinese woman sitting in the uk let's give them a call

hey milkman did you hear the story and i heard about this off and on i don't think it's been

that big of a deal in the states as it has been in the uk and italy but that uh amanda knox you

know that american student in the uk and in italy that was found guilty of murdering the british

student you ever hear about that story man oh milkman i didn't hear amanda knox you ever hear

that amanda knox the american girl that was found guilty of murdering the british girl in italy

i remember amanda love no amanda knox big trials at the casey anthony of europe and

i had heard the whole thing but then i didn't know like it was all freaky like amanda knox

supposedly some kind of sex game that went wrong and i'm like wow it's hot thinking about american

girl getting it on with a british girl it sounds hot i don't know that's all i gotta say about it

i think i'm all for that i'm sorry but the person you've called is not available

use your message after the tone who's next no no no no no no seem to be answering it

who the hell was that the number of the chinese girl in the uk that new new sent

Another bad number?

Imagine that.

My God, I bet you these numbers don't already be on KDG's show.

Probably why they're...

We got that video of Chef Tony from YouTube.

This is Bob. Bob is doing well.

Very well indeed.

That's because not long ago with just...

This is Insight. That's Bob. That's something.

I thought he was working on getting the right video, the Chef Tony, man.

I ended up with the Insight guy.

The guy that looks like a penis.

AMD's asking if you got your Facebook open.

I don't think he does, AMD.

He's at work.

It's awful loud, man.

I don't think you can hear me.

I'm here.

Can you hear me?

It's loud on this.

The music is.

Yeah, move it down.

Do you have Osh stores there?

Which ones?

Huh?

Osh?

How do you spell it?

O-S-H?

Yeah.

What's that?

What do they do there?

Osh Kosh Bagosh?

Something like that.

Supply at home.

Milkman, you ever been to Asian Massage Parlor?

Yeah, the coupon you sent me, it was awesome.

Anyway, Milkman, I don't know if we got sidetracked there.

Listen, I'm out of numbers here from Nunu.

do. Lonesome hasn't made it yet.

So I'm going to play a prank call real quick

and I got to go pee. Hopefully the water's still

working. I'm going to play a prank

call. I'm going to go pee. I'll be back.

Hey, do you got any of our famous old

numbers, like what we call

9,000 shit? Yeah, I do.

I'm going to pull those up

too. Yes. Yeah.

That's the whole plan of this. But let me get up and we'll make

a pee-pee and

listen to this prank call. Do you want to make a

dookie? No, no, no. Ew, no.

No, that's gross.

No, there's no.

No, no, no.

This is called the Manifest, Milkman.

We'll be right back, okay?

Everybody hang in there.

We're going to regroup.

We'll be right back, all right?

General Manifest.

I was getting ready to hang up and call back, sir,

because I haven't been put on hold so much,

and I've been demanding to speak to the chef, the head chef in charge.

He's the person that takes the responsibility when it comes to steak and food.

Well, I'm the general manager, sir.

That's nice, honey.

Can I speak to the man in charge there in the kitchen, please?

I will be happy to assist you.

I'm the general manager, so I've managed a whole restaurant.

That's nice.

I will take full responsibility of everything.

That's not funny.

You just sit there and be pretty.

It's okay.

But go ahead and put Fernando on the phone again, please.

Sir, rudeness is not necessary at this point in time,

and he doesn't deal with any kind of guest complaints.

I'm more than happy to do so.

Well, who cooked my steak then?

Who's in charge of cooking back there?

Because this is the person I need to speak with.

We've got to get to the root of the problem,

not dealing with red tape with women answering the phone wearing man pants.

Unnecessary.

I'm trying to assist you.

I'm on your side here, but making derogatory comments about me because I'm a female is unnecessary.

Take off your man pants, woman.

Tell me what reservation you are on.

This is Valente, and I came with a party from Valente and Associates.

And for the fifth time, I've gotten the messed up order with this take.

I command you to apologize to me.

As a matter of fact, I want you to bring Fernando to the phone.

And I want him to say, I'm sorry, into the speakerphone.

Do you have speakerphone there, honey?

Hello?

Do you know how to use speakerphone?

Wow.

Wow, this is going well.

This is Ted's song.

Who are you holding for?

I'm holding for the head chef man in charge.

Who am I speaking with?

This is the regional manager.

My name is Kim.

That's nice, honey.

This is Valente.

I need to speak to the chef, please.

There's a gentleman there I was working with before.

The chef passed your phone call along to me.

That's nice, honey.

I can speak to your gentleman.

Could you not call me honey, please?

What's your name, sir?

This is Valente.

Valente is your first name?

That's right, sweetie.

sweetie. Okay, please don't call me

sweetie. And what is,

what can I help you with tonight? I'm a little

upset that I've come in for the fifth time

and the steak is coming out in

an inappropriate state of being

cooked incorrectly. Blood coming

from the steak when it's been ordered medium well.

And I, listen, this is disgusting.

You know what it looks like to me?

You know, I used to follow a strict

diet regimen where you had to eat the

food and it's absolutely not supposed to be

raw because it's, I'm not going to mention

it, but it's certain passages in the Bible.

I don't know if you have a Bible there.

I always have a Bible with me in my house, in my vehicle.

I even have a small Bible I bring with me sometimes when I know I'm going to be sitting waiting to see the doctor

or to play the lottery in the gas station or something like that.

So what is this?

What is your name?

My name is Kim Owens.

Okay, big Kim.

So my deal here, what I don't like is the fact that I was talking directly with a person who I feel needs to make these corrections

for when I come in and hopefully this doesn't happen a sixth time.

And now all of a sudden I'm being talked to by women over there that are telling me that I can talk to them,

that are refusing to put me through to the person who messed up my steak.

I just want to have a conversation with him because I want to teach him.

I want to teach Fernando over there how it is you're supposed to make the steak.

Well, Fernando, quite frankly, was feeling rather disrespected because you were yelling, as was the general manager.

And I happened to be in town this evening, so she passed your call along to me.

I happen not to yell at anybody until I try to get a run around from that lady.

I never raise my voice to Fernando.

And if you say that, then someone is lying.

And I have a feeling it might be you making up stories right now,

trying to dissuade me from the situation, sweetie.

And I don't appreciate it.

Again, sweetie.

Okay, hon.

I don't appreciate this, sweetie.

Well, you know, how many other, what are you, a regional manager?

You're assistant to the regional manager?

No, I'm the regional manager.

Is there a man above you somewhere that I can talk to that happens to be there?

My CEO is the man that's above me.

Well, good.

He's the only person that's above me.

Does he happen to be in there coincidentally?

No, he's not here tonight.

It seems to me like I'm speaking to some random woman who's working there

who wants to impersonate that she's wearing the man pants here and is a regional manager.

Right, the regional manager just happens to be in on a Tuesday night.

Well, I happen to live in Las Vegas, so yes, I happen to be here on a Tuesday night.

Ridiculous.

You obviously do live in Las Vegas, and you're obviously new money.

I don't know what any of this means.

You don't know what new money is?

When you're ready to tell me what the issues are and speak to me in a respectful manner,

in the manner that I'm speaking to you in, then we can talk.

So you can give me a call any time.

That's nice, honey.

Do you want to write down my phone number?

I don't know why you'd want me to call you back.

I am a woman.

Well, once you calm down, you can call me back.

I'm very calm.

You're the one that's not calm.

Well, pass this number on to the man in charge of things over there.

Well, I will give him your information,

but I'm quite sure that you're not going to get a phone call from him.

Then I'll call back in.

Where can I call him at?

Where is he at?

You can leave a message for him here.

No, where's the corporate headquarters?

What's your address?

Valente?

Valente is all you need.

Valente.

I'm with Valente and Associates, yes.

And I happen to be a CEO myself of Valente and Associates in Oklahoma City.

And I don't have a habit of coming.

I come here once a month to handle business,

and every time I come here and I get the most substandard steak

from apparent immigrants or something that was going on here

with these people that work here named Fernando and Gonzalez.

But now you're speaking offensively about race.

I'm Hispanic, sir.

I'm not going to put up with it.

Why don't you give me your phone number

and you can call me back whenever you calm down

and stop racial slurs and feminine slurs toward everyone on my team here.

I'm not going to tolerate it.

What is your phone number, Valente?

Okay.

405.

No, wait a minute.

Yeah, 405 is a new number.

Six, six.

And listen, honey, you just sit there and be pretty

and make sure you get that message out to the CEO as you said, honey.

Okay, sweetie?

Yeah, okay.

Thank you, baby.

All right.

That's a firecracker right there.

Wow.

That's the worst that's ever gotten on this show with me and my belittling women.

She fell for the hook, line, and sinker.

Yeah, your old grandfather coming down.

Oh, dude, I hooked her.

We're back, Carlito Milkman, and that's it.

Milkman, you're still there, damn it.

Look after me now, Milkman, you're still there, damn it.

Come on, Milkman.

Hi, man.

Yes, hi, is this the church?

Yeah.

Yeah, hi, listen, I'm looking for one of those scans.

Hello?

Yeah, I'm looking for one of those scans.

Excuse me?

The scans.

How much are your magnets?

I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong number.

You said you have magnets you're selling.

Is my mic working now?

I think I disconnected the mic, Milkman.

Okay.

Could you hear me talking to you at all, all that time?

Oh, hi.

It's been silent.

Oh, no wonder.

No wonder.

Oh, shit.

So I thought I was for...

Yes, the Scientology guy for magnets.

I thought he said magnetology, magnets or something.

I couldn't...

He was saying Dianetics or something.

I don't know.

Yeah, Magnetics is what I thought he said.

Yeah.

Scientology, how may I help you?

Yeah, hi.

I was looking to get one of those scans that you offer.

What was that?

One of those scans.

I know that supposedly someone was telling me that you have these scans that you do,

evaluation scans oh you mean like a personality test yeah that one uh-huh cool um what was your

name this is valente cross okay cool i'll put you on someone who can help you get one of those

okay okay cute now she look man like that man pretty cute got a cute little thing on her

like she's a level one or level two no well try your corey try your corey collar do a jack valente

man jack valente i haven't done jack valente valente cross one roll i need a haircut bad

Yeah, I'm looking at myself on the camera here.

Do a Jack Valente or...

I don't know, how about a kid?

A kid?

AMD's sending in a number.

AMD?

Yes, I was calling about getting a scan, or a personality scan, I think it is.

Yeah, that's very good. May I ask who's calling?

This is Valente Cross. How are you?

Very good. Nice to meet you.

Good.

Well, can you hold on for just one second?

It's Valente Cross, you said?

Yes.

How'd you hear about us?

I was reading the book

Diarrhea

Diarrheanetics

Hilarious

Very good

Well did you actually

Want to touch

Because you can always

Go online

Can you do it

Over the phone

No absolutely not

But you can do it online

It's a good book

To read on the toilet

Is that interesting

Because it talks

About diarrheanetics

Is it called

Diarrheanetics

What is it

Is it

Diarrheanetics

Isn't that

Wasn't that guy

Really weird

That L. Ron Hubbard

Didn't he live on a boat

Yeah

He was

What you do

Is after you tell him

About the chapter

I need to do the paperwork

Or do you need to use the pages like that?

Two-ply.

Scientology, how may I help you?

Yeah, hey, I was just talking to a guy about getting the mental scan machine.

What was that?

I was talking to the guy about getting the mental scan machine.

Okay, can I put you on hold for a second?

Do you know anything about the mental scan?

Hello?

God, I hate it when they do that.

Can I get your name?

This is Valente Cross.

All right.

Yes.

And where are you calling from?

I'm calling from the Republican Chamber of Commerce.

Is that right?

Yes.

Is that a fact?

Yes.

Okay, good.

What can I help you?

Did L. Ron Hubbard, he lived on a boat, right?

I'm sorry, I can't hear you.

He lived on a boat.

How come these people are super powerful, they can't hear me on the phone?

What a bunch of shit.

Diarionetics.

You know who's really into that is Andy's mom.

Andy's mom is stupid.

Yeah, Tom Cruise.

And he's dating L. Ron Hubbard.

I saw some video once, and Tom Cruise was in it.

And he was, like, talking about, the other day I was driving down the street.

I was down on the highway, and I saw an accident.

and i knew i was the only one that could do something about it i'm like what the fuck

is it because i'm a scientologist like okay and he was doing the speeches like for l ron hubbard

and i was like yeah um scientology you know cult or not they're banned in germany i know that much

all right damn if you're in germany what's that saying um venison who is nilo who is that i'm

I'm confused.

Venison is talking to some guy named Nilo and told him that I want to interview him

and then gave him my Skype thing and had Nilo call in.

And I didn't get to it in time, but who is Nilo and why do I want to talk to him?

Nilo.

N-I-L-O.

Nilo.

Isn't it a cracker?

No.

Nilo.

N-I-L-O.

I know they spelled it wrong.

It's Nilo.

It's N-I-L-O.

It says deviant Nilo.

Deviant Nilo.

Hey, what's wrong, dude?

Nilo!

There's art out there.

Deviant art.

Milkman, we've got Nilo on the line.

Hey, Nilo, how are you, dude?

Really?

Hi, Nilo.

Nilo, where do we know you from?

It's Little Evil Nilo.

Little Nilo.

Hey, how are you, Nilo?

I'm just kidding.

How you been?

We were talking about you.

I've been doing good.

That's good.

I heard you do shows, and you sold out like Sean Ward, and you don't do prank calls anymore

or something.

I've tried the prank calls.

It just doesn't work for me.

I like listening to them

doing them

I can't

I lost the whole

essence of prank call

that's cool

do you just play music

and talk and stuff

yeah that's about it

that's awesome

are you gaming at all

what are you up to

college

I'm doing college

that's about it

what's your major

or general studies?

Yeah, basically, because I have no idea

what the hell I'm going to be doing.

Yeah, take your time, but don't take too long.

As long as you don't wait until your sophomore year.

You know what I mean?

No, I know that much.

Okay.

You can be like me.

I ended up going to college for 10 years

and never got a bachelor's.

I got two associate degrees.

been going to

school for about almost five

years now and I'm still working on my associate's.

So, I mean...

I'll be honest. Are you taking out student loans? I kept doing it

for that. I was like, hell, I'm just going to keep taking student loans.

I take them out here and there, but they're not

that much. They're about

$3,500 a year.

Okay. Well, Milkman should be on the line.

He was asking about you, and

I forgot how you came up in conversation,

but I think Milkman asked, like, is Neo there?

How's Neo? Neo, I mean,

Milkman, you there? You there still?

No, man.

Hey. Hey.

How's Neo?

Neo in the house! Yay!

Hey, girlfriend!

He hasn't changed a bit, has he?

He hasn't changed one bit.

Oh, my God. He's driving around in a taxi cab

and not working. He's driving around

on a taxi cab now?

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

I'm stopping in the

Chinese store right now.

We're going to get dinner.

Okay.

Good luck.

Yes.

Hey, the kids are here.

Hi.

Oh, boy.

Hi, baby.

Anyway, you know.

Yeah, he's excited.

He's kind of smelt good, huh?

Smelt good, huh?

That was good.

All right.

I won't take up

any more of your time, Neo.

Thanks for calling in.

We're just, you know,

wondering what you're up to.

It's good to hear from you.

Oh, not a problem.

Do you guys want me

to help out with a call at all?

Yeah.

I got a number here hang on we got a number in the UK okay you gotta give me

I'm I'm half blind I lost vision in my left eye and I lost 40% my right eye so

I got to get really close so there's gonna be a little bit of silence while I

read to you what's going on here

are you still living up near yeah still living up north still up okay all right

I'm still on day.

Cool.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Okay, we got a number for a woman who's a bitch, and that's all I know.

I don't know the name.

What's the name?

Oh, that's nice.

Come on, A&B.

What's the name?

Night, night.

Right number being UK, blah, blah, blah, mobile.

She is a bitch.

She's fat and drinks at JD's Bar.

Single and works at some bingo place.

She has a gay mate called Craig Wood, who also works at something, something.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, her name is Sarah Ashton.

Sarah Ashton.

And she drinks at, what's the name of the bar here?

Hang on, what did I say?

All right, so here's your deal.

You got Sarah Ashton.

Thank you.

She works at JD's Bar.

No, no, she drinks at JD's Bar.

She lives in the UK.

And she has a gay friend named Craig.

All right.

Named Craig.

Craig.

You got all that?

You got the dossier down?

Bye-bye.

Milkman, mute yourself.

God, come on, man.

And what's wrong with you?

I want to hear you going around doing business.

Anyway, hang on, Nuneo.

I'm going to connect that up.

Okay.

What was the name again?

Welcome to Orange Answer Phone.

I'm sorry, but the person you've called is not available.

Please leave your message after the tone.

When you've left your message...

I guess it doesn't really matter in that case, Nuneo.

Now, I loaned some losers here.

He'll be confirming numbers pretty soon, too.

Oh, okay.

Well, you know what?

I'll try back a little bit later, then.

Okie dokie.

Sorry.

Well, thank you, Nuneo.

It was good talking to you.

Take care.

Nice talking to you, too.

All right.

Bye-bye.

Neo.

All right.

That's Neo, everybody.

Neo.

Good to hear from little evil Neo.

All right.

So I see Lonesome Losers in the house.

That number didn't work, AMD.

Thanks for trying, though.

Toomstain, check your Windows Messenger.

Yes.

Yes, I will.

AMD says try again.

I will.

AMD, I'll try your number again.

And Nunu says that he sent numbers.

He sent numbers.

Plural numbers.

Milkman, okay.

In the meantime...

I know we've got a bunch of numbers that got sent to KDK.

How about some good numbers?

Yeah.

In the meantime, I've got to take a break

because I've got to get something to drink.

I've got a tickle in my throat.

You know what I mean?

Don't you hate that shit?

I've got to get something to drink really bad.

Oh, boy.

Okay, Carl.

Anyway, when we come back, we'll have more numbers

from the British contingent, Lonesome Loser, hanging out.

Maybe Neil will call back in.

Some requests here from Tombstone and others

I promise a better second half to the show

Thanks a lot for hanging out

We've got a lot of people listening

And Milkman will be here too

Alright, we'll be right back in about five minutes

Thanks everyone for listening

The dogs?

Yes, I walk dogs, yes

Rates, and what kind of services do you provide?

I walk when the owners are away

Usually weekdays

How much do you walk the dog for?

Twelve dollars a day, I walk

How much walking do you do, damn it?

I have a Weemariner. You know what those are? Weimaraner?

Yes, I know what a Weimaraner is.

I need you to work the dog out. It's got to be strenuous. You've got to go jogging for a little bit, too.

Uh-huh.

Listen, I don't want you to say you're jogging my dog and you're not jogging him.

I'm going to have my friend, who lives in California, he's going to go out there and make sure that you're charged,

that you're actually walking with him, running with the dog, not just walking.

I can run the dog, yes.

How long can you jog for?

I don't know. Why?

Well, I've got to make sure that you're in shape.

Are you overweight?

No, I'm not overweight.

I just some weight, but I'm not overweight.

How fast can you run a 100-yard dash?

I've run ribbons for it when I was a kid.

Yeah, but now?

I haven't done that.

You're an old man.

Well, not an old no.

Do you think you can keep...

Returning to Maine.

He hung up on me.

You have no new messages.

To place a call, press 2.

Which, of course, means he is.

Call him back and accuse him of being seen.

Hang up the phone on accident.

Listen, I think either you hung up the phone or it broke down.

What happened?

You were explaining to me that you were old, but I think we can make an exception.

I'm not old.

Oh, you're not old, because I heard that you were old or something.

Before I hung up, I thought you were saying that.

Where are you supposed to hear that from?

On the phone, on the speaker on the phone.

When you were talking to me, you said you were old.

I didn't say I was old.

I said, never mind.

Okay, but you're not old, right?

You're not an old man?

Whatever you consider old, I don't know.

Are you older than me?

I don't know how old you are.

It doesn't really matter.

matter i'm 30 older so you might you think because i'm an athlete well i'm asking i'm going to

vancouver for the olympics so i'm trying to get someone good for you thank you i appreciate it

10 minutes ago guy tried to break in my truck be sure to visit us online at madhouse live.com

madhouse radio will be back right after this hate you done hate you so much i want to fart

in the phone i wish you could say i wish the fucking god you smell it i wish you get sick

Throw up all over the phone.

I have to buy a new phone.

I hate you so fucking.

You fucking disgust me.

Your sauce is disgusting.

All your food is over there.

It's disgusting.

Who cooks back there?

Are you done?

No, I asked you a question, stupid.

I asked you a fucking question.

You're so stupid.

I'm fucking stupid.

You're calling me fucking like an ass.

I'm calling you.

I'm a stupid one.

I'm calling you asking a question, and you interrupt me.

You're not asking me a fucking question.

I asked you.

You're being a fucking ass.

I asked you.

That's what you're fucking doing.

Who cooks the shit food there?

Who makes the shitty sauce?

You can't answer me.

Did I tell you to fucking eat here?

No.

So go fuck yourself.

But I came in and got some shitty food.

I'm calling to talk to the prick-ass chef.

What is he, Mexican?

What's the real deal?

What's going on?

Are you done?

If you got something to fucking say, then fucking say it.

If you're going to sit there and talk fucking shit, then talk fucking shit,

because I'm going to hang up the fucking phone.

Yo, yo, you're talking fucking shit.

So you got something to fucking say?

You didn't fucking think so.

I'm Italian.

I'm angry.

And how much you weigh?

Does it fucking matter?

You're fat.

Yeah, and you have a small dick.

What's your fucking point?

You got diabetes in your family?

No, I don't.

Are you fucking done?

That's not what I hear.

I heard you're going to get diabetes.

That's not what I fucking hear.

I don't give a fuck.

I don't give a fuck what you think.

You're just a fucking loser that gets off talking shit to somebody you don't even fucking know.

Let me talk to the chef.

I asked you that question, who's the chef, and you still haven't answered me.

I think you had a lobotomy or something stupid.

Are you done?

Can I speak to the other people?

I feel like you give a fuck.

You've already insulted me on the phone, sir.

I don't give a fuck, dude.

How dare you insult me?

I don't give a shit.

Are you done?

You're sick.

Are you done talking to me?

No, not yet, no.

Okay, go ahead.

I command you to hang up the phone.

You command me?

Yeah.

Who the fuck are you?

I'm Valente.

No, buddy.

I'm Valente.

That's what I fucking thought.

I'm Valente, buddy.

Valente.

I don't give a shit who you are.

I don't give a fuck about you.

I told you I want to talk to...

You didn't want this closed down?

Let me talk to the chef.

Aren't they no longer?

Aren't they gone?

Didn't they fucking close?

No.

No. No, they didn't close this down. We just moved.

Well, why don't you eat their fucking food? Go eat your own fucking sauce.

We'll make good sauce. We'll make good sauce with you.

Motherfucker, why are you calling me?

Because your shit sucks and you knocked us out of town.

Dude, go fuck yourself.

You first. I told you he'd hang out first, motherfucker.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

And toll free at 1-888-278-8509.

You know what? I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box.

and a tractor at the bottom.

So when you die, you open a tractor at the bottom,

you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

Makes it easier to be.

Popping bottle, couldn't see the money from the can.

All right.

Truth.

All right, everybody, Madhouse Radio back.

Look Band

and Carlito, the greatest

prank team ever assembled

live, back where we belong

Thursday nights.

Thursday nights every week.

God damn it.

Anyways, wanted to mention here

I was looking up that score

Green Bay 42

last I checked, Green Bay 42

and New Orleans is 27

so quite the shellacking

so far

not much more information on the terrorist

threat

from what I understand basically just to recap

what we said before

some type of car bomb threat

two stolen moving vehicles

reported this week

unaccounted for.

I want to mention Lonesome Loser just scored

again in the Fantasy Football League.

He's up to 44 points in his game.

He's playing one of the Madhouse

listeners who are in the league.

I am up 42-0

against a good friend, Madhouse

listener, and a personal friend of mine

Eric.

Andy has 36 points on the board.

Up 36-0 against Evil Artie.

So there you go, Evil Artie.

You've got a lot of making up to do.

I'm not sure.

Does Lonesome Loser have...

Lonesome, do you just have Drew Brees?

I know he has Drew Brees for his quarterback.

back. Is that who he's playing tonight?

Does he have anybody else? He's got more points

than me. I've got 42 points,

but I just have two players in play. One player

in play. Oh, yeah, I don't see him as two players

in play, so he must have a receiver in there, too.

All right.

All right, folks. Let's get back to the

prank call game. Enough about football.

Yucky, dirty football, right, Milkman?

I know you don't like it.

Your favorite company

that the NBA team is.

The vibes, the deals,

the binds.

The Carpets.

The Dykes.

Oh, the Dykes.

The Minnesota Dykes.

Lonesome is in the house.

Lonesome will soon be sending in numbers, I expect.

Mm-hmm.

Lonesome, eh?

Mm-hmm.

Lonesome is sending in numbers with me.

What about the Lonesome Loser?

Also beginning to numbers from Nunu, Tombstone, and AMD, which as a matter of fact, we're trying again.

AMD's number right now.

...to Orange Answer Phone.

I'm sorry, but the person you've called is not available.

Not yet, AMD.

I'll give it a try later.

I'll give it one more try.

i just i don't know do something man channel your energies make big sarah answer the phone

yeah i do agree a lot it's good to be back i'm having my house back a lot of the regulars in

here a lot of old-time regulars in the chatroom milk but i know you're working so you can't see

but um milk when you get your evo uh hooked up uh again when you get it back to get the irc chat

there's the irc chat app you can hook it up you know do your madhouse thing you know while you're

You're out in the road, you know, man.

I've used that before, dude, but it wasn't worth a shit, man.

I mean, it wouldn't log me in properly or anything.

Nothing works for you.

Works for me just fine.

Anyway, so we got Lonesome, New News here.

I don't know which one you're using because there's two or three different ones, you know.

RBCP, Tuck, AMD are here.

Baz, Jill, Copely, MSG3 Clay, Little Evil Neo, Dark Stranger, Herbal Bacon.

Big Bacon is here.

Richie Randall.

Sportyboard.

I haven't seen Sportyboard in a while.

What's up, Sportyboard?

Nice to see you.

The N.

Tombstone and Venison.

A lot of old-time listeners here and some new ones.

I think that's a classic following there.

All right, more numbers.

New New Hat, somebody he sent in.

Let's do those.

Don't worry, Tombstone.

I've got two years, sir.

I've been smoking K2 for a few months, and then this is bad for you, dude.

This is bad.

I don't have that shit anymore, do you?

not in pennsylvania it's illegal on the books and they actually did it because federally they made

it illegal like to the substances like jhb 101 and 102 but they got around and they made new

formulas of it and stuff and we could still sell it but they basically the in pennsylvania here

they basically said synthetic marijuana and you know synthetic inhalable bath salts which is the

big thing i guess they started with america then the bath salts started dude and that was crazy

crazy people were inhaling bath salts like cocaine what the fuck you don't need that you're in

california you get the card man what they inhale in bath salts they were selling them they were

called them bath salts yeah you uh basically you snorted this powder and it had shit in it that

just got you high um because you know the synthetic marijuana the k2 and all that they

called it uh incense remember it's herbal incense quote unquote and so the other stuff they called

it bath salts you know like oh you're supposed to put in your when you take a bath you put

Put it in the aroma, gets you relaxed or whatever.

Well, obviously, people were just smoking it, you know, hitting it.

Got your roasted pretty bad?

I never did that shit.

Don't put it on my nose.

What the fuck's that?

It's not natural.

Do that shit.

Yes, I did that K3 and stuff, too.

K2, yes.

That's the worst I ever did.

Unnatural.

I've never done anything bad, bad.

Did you roast it?

I've never done cocaine, LSD, nothing like that, man.

Just smoked a lot of pot when I was younger.

Not anymore.

I never did try drugs.

I heard a lot about him.

A lot of people I knew, you know, they succumbed to him.

And, yeah, the time wasn't so pleasant.

Look, I don't mean to talk bad about the guy, but look at Reckless, man.

He was just, remember, he was out of control for a while.

I mean, I love the guy.

But remember, he'd be doing coke on the show.

Like, we'd be doing pranks, and you'd hear him in the background.

You know what I mean?

Like, he's just sitting there doing lines.

Dude, that wasn't all he was doing, man.

That was just what he was talking about.

Yeah, I know.

He wasn't even telling me what he was really doing.

You remember, he was all high on blow.

and he was talking like he'd get a story like some 16 year old intern in his studio

they spent 30 minutes putting each other's fingers in each other's mouths with cocaine and a bag and

all this shit i was like what the fuck like are you really doing this dude he's like oh i don't

care he was giving the story out out there and then he got embarrassed he asked me to take it

out and i did i ended up taking the episode down and re-editing all that out and putting it back

I'd go for him, I would for him, you know, he's my buddy

But I think

Supposedly he told me he's turned over a new leaf

He's not doing anything bad anymore

He's serious about his work, I don't know

He's never around anymore, I think he considered us

As part of that, not that

We were doing drugs with him or something, but

I guess, you know, he correlated him

You know, being on the show

Madhouse, you know, doing his drugs

And doing prank calls with us

It's like a, you know, it's like a

Something he

I need to re-correlate with the bitch he was

sticking his finger in her asshole.

Take us off. We don't have

nothing to do with that shit. We did tell him to

play stink finger. She was 18

by now. She was 16 back then.

She's of age now. Come on, man. Pranks.

Enough. Why are we talking about drugs?

Don't do drugs. Smoke pot if you want.

It's bad for you. If you want to smoke weed,

smoke weed. If you want to smoke weed,

smoke weed. Whatever. Okay? You do that.

But don't do anything else.

Never tried it. It's bad for you.

It's damaging to your

brain.

Brains just maturely age you and make you laugh a lot.

There's a certain listener to the show who I won't mention, but he's getting a little out of control.

He told me a story the other day that he went out for his birthday, for a friend's birthday,

and he was drinking out of control and was rolling in a park, in a water park.

He was rolling in the grass, drunk, puking, and laughing.

I'm not going to mention who it was, but the cops were watching him.

And the cops were staring at him, getting ready to throw him in the fucking drunk tank.

And I said, dude, you got a drinking problem, man.

Literally, he's like, do you think you got a drinking problem?

I was like, yeah, you fucking got a drinking problem, dude.

Don't. Stop that, okay?

You got a close one, man.

Sorry, BR, I forgot. I just had a lapse of brain fart.

I didn't think not to say the whole name, and I'll stop talking about it already.

That's 10 years of smoking pot.

That's my 10 years of smoking pot, and he's done that to me.

Seriously, though, Milkman, I still feel the brain fry a lot.

Like, I don't remember shit like I used to.

and I know it's from all those years of smoking drugs.

I'm kind of like, uh...

That thing has a lot to do with just aging, man.

And, you know, you find it to forget as you age, period.

Drugs are no drugs.

Diabetes, too.

Diabetes.

Diabetes is not good.

Cancer, she's been having problems.

You've got problems with it.

Everybody's got problems with it.

All right, so we've got a number for Joe.

We've also got a number for the Balboa Park Inn.

So many people.

Alright man how's it going

Hey faggots

The charming bed and breakfast hotel

In the heart of San Diego

San Diego they're without electricity Milkman

You hear about that I know you're far away from there

But there's a huge power outage in San Diego

I don't know if you're aware of that

Yeah I think the whole city

The whole county is without power right now

Don't sound too concerned

You gotta stay the fuck out of San Diego

Until you got enough money to pay your lights

Bitch

Pay your bills

All right, folks, we're calling the San Diego Hotel here.

I believe, Tombstone, tell me this is your note,

because I don't know your screen name on the messenger.

I don't know if that's you or not.

I'm guessing it's you.

I don't know if this is yours.

I give credit where credit's due.

And a disconnect.

Let's try it one more time.

Yeah.

Brandon Vegas.

Do you hear me?

Who?

Brandon Vegas?

No, been a while.

Sporty Board reporting.

It's possible to get drunk off of vanilla.

I hear about that.

Vanilla extract.

Nutmeg also.

We've talked about that.

That's a very bad trip, though.

He knows who he is.

He's probably listening right now.

I'm very disappointed in him for that.

You got to metal out, bro.

You got to metal out, Ty.

You probably know who I'm talking about.

Probably shouldn't have even brought it up

because now people know who I'm talking about.

But seriously, he called me and was like,

who do you think that's who?

Just by that question, you know who it is.

You got to know who he is.

You already.

Oh, my God.

You got the X pattern on your carpet.

I'll never forget that event.

God damn it.

He came with juju bees and just kept dropping them

and kept mashing him with his foot,

his feet in the fucking...

Why didn't he eat him?

He's because he's so...

Because he got high.

He's just shoveling him in his mouth.

Shoveling, shoveling, shoveling in his mouth.

Oh, my God, man.

I got so pissed off.

Oh, Jesus.

Fina was pissed off, too.

Fina can't stand him anymore.

Fina hates him.

Really?

Well, Fina doesn't like him anymore.

Don't like him anymore.

That's not good, man.

He's got the thing.

He's a little fool.

That's not good.

I'm kidding.

She likes him.

She just...

She just has to wear a bib

He calls for advice all the time

You know in life and women

We help him out but god

Some of the things he does

Anyway the room numbers

See we had the room numbers all set up too

For that Balboa Park Inn but they're not answering

It sucks

Maybe you need to talk to him

Tell him about what's been going through

Maybe it'll sink into his mind

You know that other people out there

Have issues too

Alright let's call little Joe

Joe Baby T

Joe Mason Emerson

Here we go

The first guy is

Joe Mason Emerson

The rich splat

The folks don't go anywhere

I'm trying

Trying Tombstone's number

There's other number here

Trying

A lot of these numbers

Are not picking up today

It's been kind of tough

We had that good telemarketer

Kind of telemarketerish call

It's been no one

You don't have a major

Email withdrawal man

You have an Android withdrawal

Sorry

Yeah

Athena's

Athena's birthday

Is coming up next month

I have to get her

A new phone

Your Android phone's just about at its last leg.

I think I'm going to get an e-mail.

You're in Sprint, man.

Get the Samsung.

What's that Samsung one that's coming out?

Oh, shit.

At the time, please record your message.

When you are finished recording...

Sprint's got a new Samsung phone, I thought it's coming out.

Don't they?

A new Samsung phone.

Samsung's got their .1 that just came out.

Let

me tell them. Don't get, yeah, no, but

don't get the, uh, just the Android

tablets. They never excite me, you know.

You hear of an Android tablet, I'm like,

eh, big deal. You know,

it's gotta be, if you're gonna get an iPad,

if you're gonna get a tablet, you gotta get

the iPad, man. I'm just saying.

You got Verizon, don't you? You got Sprint, you got Sprint.

I don't want no goddamn iPad.

I don't want a mini pad.

Why everything, man?

You can hack the fucking e-load, dude.

You can fucking do all kinds of shit with them.

You can jailbreak the iPad and get free apps on that.

Same thing.

You're right.

Android is...

Android, dude.

Because I can use it interchangeably with what I got.

It's already using Sense UI.

You like that?

You actually like the Sense UI.

I don't know what's wrong with you.

Well, you're smoking.

I could do it.

It's pretty good.

It's gotten better, actually.

I don't know what's going to happen with Motorola

and getting taken over by Google.

I don't know.

I got a feeling HTC and all those manufacturers

are going to get pissed off about it

and stop making Android phones, man.

I don't know.

I don't think they're going to make Android phones

because there's a market out there for them

and people will buy them.

We shall see.

I'm an Android fan all the way.

Ever since the first one came out, the G1,

I got it released.

I got a G2 right now.

I had no clue what that was all about, dude.

Now I know so well, man.

I know.

That's great.

It's good stuff.

So you get it rooted, you get it rooted, you put a custom ROM on your phone,

you flash a custom ROM in there.

I was running that Dark Cocoa 3 for about the last almost year straight.

Man, that thing ran so good.

Yep.

Cyanogen's good, too.

You know, if you get a hold of that.

You have to do shit.

That fucking Dark Cocoa 3.

Now they got Dark Cocoa 4 coming out.

They're not doing any more builds with 3, so I'm going to see what's up with that.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know much about Dark Cocoa, because it's, I don't, is that ported over to G, to

the G2 at all, I wonder?

Is it just an EVO?

I don't know.

It's an EVO supersonic ROM.

It's built off of a Sense UI ROM, and almost all the shit's taken out of it that's from

Plant and most of the shit's out of it, too, and been replaced with other stuff.

Yeah, well, for the longest time, I kept my G2 stock, because the G2 came out for T-Mobile

basically with nothing on it.

It was well known that T-Mobile purposely didn't put a lot of crap on it.

It was kind of a good deal.

It was basically a vanilla Android build.

But when Gingerbread, is it Gingerbread that's out now?

Is that the mobile one?

That's the highest one now, right, Gingerbread?

Yeah, that's what's come on my Evo.

When I get my Evo back, it'll have Gingerbread 2.33 on it.

Yeah, well, yeah, they were taking forever to release G2's Gingerbread update,

day and it went out and i could i waited a week and i'm gonna come out and then i said well let

me look at cyanogen because i just always put cyanogen on my g1 rock six is really good seven's

pretty good too yeah i got seven now but i always i mean i started with the first few builds of

cyanogen i was all cyanogen on my g1 and but i kept my g2 stock for almost a year because i i was

able i i had it rooted but i didn't i didn't want to get rid of the stock realm i had no need to i

It wasn't missing out on anything.

But I wanted Gingerbread.

Gingerbread runs really nice.

Android Gingerbread is really good on the battery life, dude.

Great improvement.

I love it.

And with Cyanogen, I can actually watch Hulu.

Excuse me, which is pretty good.

Anyway.

Star Trek 3 has Hulu built into it, too.

Nice.

All right, this is in the Android hour.

Hulu account, so I can watch all I got to do.

Just, again, then I can get anything I want off of my account and watch on the phone.

Nundu's head's about to explode.

We don't have to do prank calls.

Hang on.

You're jacking off too much, too, man.

If you quit wanking, your head wouldn't get to swallowing up, you see.

All right.

We've got Lonesome Loser numbers.

Thank God.

We've got good numbers.

Thank you, Lonesome Loser.

Noonie's been sent as a bunch of reject shit, his boy, KB Gay.

I was thinking with the water rationing, the shutdown of the water system here in Pennsylvania where I'm at,

it'd be funny to call some of them and just play that civil defense audio that I play, the one about water.

You need to have a quart of water for a day or more.

In the event of a nuclear emergency, you should have a quarter day or more of water.

Oh, boy.

At the end, for your disclaimer, this has been brought to you by concerned citizens of Pennsylvania.

Look, man, we're all concerned here in Pennsylvania.

I still don't feel at home in Pennsylvania.

I still feel like I'm a Florida guy.

I don't think I'll ever feel at home here.

All right.

You're more of a fountain pen guy than a pencil guy.

I'm a fountain pen.

guy, not a penis guy. Penis-a-lania.

Yes.

That's your advice for you, buddy.

AT&T security.

Vagina. Vagina, yeah.

The announcement has been brought to you by the concerned citizens

and AT&T security.

Hello. Hey, how may I help you?

Hey, big guy, how you doing? Good, how can I help you this evening?

This is the Coco. This is the

Coho Oceanfront Lodge, yes, sir.

Oh, that's great.

Now, is there really an

oceanfront here? What it is

is at the Coho Oceanfront Lodge

We're up on a 50-foot bluff that directly underneath us is the beach and the ocean.

And so you're going to have that full, unobstructed ocean view.

Yes, sir.

That's good.

Can I go fishing?

Am I able to fish from my room?

Fish from your room?

Unfortunately not.

But it says oceanfront.

So what it is, like I said, is we're up on a 50-foot bluff that's going to be underneath us is the beach and the ocean.

So unless you're a pretty darn good caster, unfortunately that wouldn't really work.

Do you guys allow animals?

We do allow pets that are 25 pounds and below, one to two of them in our first four rooms, yes, sir.

What about ATVs?

ATVs, we don't have specific ATV parking.

We have had people take, like, trailers and whatnot that they used to tow and then park it in our overflow parking lot, and we've had no problems with that.

What about near the room or inside the room?

Oh, absolutely not, sir, unfortunately.

unfortunately um would it be a problem if i was staying in the room already and the atv is inside

the room and i can't get it out it would be an interesting dilemma yes sir it smells like

gasoline too i don't know if it's a danger or not sure now if you are staying with us what room are

you in if i want to tell you can i get some absolution first solution yeah well um try my

my best sir but uh um yeah unfortunately do you have a mechanic on duty we do not unfortunately

it's just me tonight is there anyone in the morning who are the guys that fix stuff around

here the maintenance the maintenance does come in the morning um they're going to be here usually

about nine o'clock well they can fix they could fix my atv then well i don't know if they have

that kind of that kind of skill but they're mechanics they're machinists shove it up your

your ass milkman milkman milkman you guys have a wonderful evening milkman hey do not jerk into

the phone these horses are listening i guess you're friendly my question is how do you keep

from getting blisters if he's wearing horses i never understood that how you keep getting

calluses on your calluses you kept saying that that night last thanksgiving i don't know what

that's coming up by the way pretty soon we're getting there in a few about two months away

way milkman our big show of the year thanksgiving show every year it's all right i think i might be

i might be ready to get a customer here so hold on oh milkman getting ready to pick up a john

now they're walking ah they saw you you know fuck that anyway let's do the next number milkman

what did you used to i remember i told you i was thinking about moving to northern virginia and

you're like no no don't move to virginia man they'll lock you up and throw away the key i'm

like i haven't done anything wrong yet you're like oh no what are we always talking about why

Why would you always say that for?

Virginia's a bad place, man.

It's fucked up.

It's a commonwealth, dude.

So is Pennsylvania.

Pennsylvania's kind of like that too, I heard.

So what if it's a commonwealth?

What are you talking about?

They don't treat you the same way as if you was in a state or a town, dude.

You're in a fucking commonwealth.

Okay.

What's the difference?

The difference is, is like, most of the fucking laws are written by either a state or the federal government.

Correct?

Okay.

It's not a state.

It's a commonwealth.

How does any of that fucking shit apply?

It doesn't.

But there's commonwealth laws, Milkman.

So you're saying this is anarchy here?

It is commonwealth law, dude, but it's very, very fucking terrible, man.

They don't adhere to what a normal state would adhere to.

They don't follow the normal practices.

It's stricter.

And, like, if you get in a problem, dude, you can get stuck somewhere.

Like, you know, they're not going to move you to a state pen or something.

Maybe they'll just keep you in a local jail.

They can't do that.

Those are federal rights.

They can't do that.

Yeah, they can't do that in states, but commonwealths, they've done it before.

Oh, my God, Milkman, you don't know what you're talking about.

So you're saying they could just arrest me without charge and no bail and all that shit?

Because it's a commonwealth?

No, but they could fucking put you in and, you know, deny you your basic needs, you know,

Like your medication, you like to have fucking paper to wipe your fucking ass, you know, all kinds of shit.

Oh, my God.

Your phone calls, your meals, food that isn't rotten.

So this happens all the time, Milkman?

Man, I know people from down that way, dude.

I've got family down there, and I've heard, man.

I know for sure it happens, man.

Yes, it does happen.

They don't let you use toilet paper?

Oh, fuck no, dude.

You know what they do, dude?

They give you fucking stainless steel.

All right, Milkman, so you're saying because there's a commonwealth that they can put me in jail,

but they don't give me toilet paper or food.

Well, if they don't feed you, then you don't need the toilet paper.

I know, it's fine.

So we've been sitting on top of one of those fucking, they're like stainless steel shitters,

And in the sink, you have a lot of rotten water in it and stuff.

You can't drink out of it.

So, yeah, there's water there, but you're going to drink out of something that's got vomit and shit in it.

Oh, come on.

Milk, man.

Come on, man.

I'm going to Google this, and I'm going to find it.

You're saying because Virginia and Pennsylvania or Commonwealth said they can make you eat shit out of the toilet.

No, but you have a choice.

If you want to, you can.

What about West Virginia?

West Virginia.

I'm going to do a West Virginia with them.

Jimbo.

Yeah, hey, how you doing?

Fine, what can I do for you?

Listen, just wondering about reservations, reserving videos.

Do you do that here anymore?

No, we don't have videos anymore.

Oh, what do you do there?

Parts?

It's a restaurant.

Oh, you don't do videos anymore?

No.

Did you get rid of all the videos that you had?

Yeah, about 20 years ago.

Because you had a selection of adult videos there.

There was one called Fanny and Fanny 2.

Oh, wow.

Oh, Mr. Restaurant.

iPhone?

Try this.

It could be your charger.

I've got a different...

I've got a charger.

Milkman, mute yourself, goddammit.

You have an iPhone charger?

The iPhone 7.

What an idiot, that guy.

iPhone 7.

He's got the iPhone 7 up his ass.

Yeah, look.

There is no iPhone 7, you stupid fucking Mexican.

Who is that guy?

I'm not muting.

I'm not muting, okay?

What a stupid asshole.

iPhone 7.

I punch him right in the face, saying that in my house.

Say that in my taxi cab.

I put my seatbelt off, make him take his off, and drive right into the fucking wall.

There's your iPhone 7.

Nachos, can I help you?

Yeah, hi.

I was wondering if you have chorizo nachos.

I'm sorry?

Chorizo.

No, I'm sorry.

No?

What meats do you got?

Just taco meat?

Beef meat?

Yeah, I only have the canasta fries, beef tacos, potato tacos.

Potato taco?

Yeah.

What do you mean potato taco?

Canasta fries, tuna, por favor.

Pendejo!

Ah.

Yeah, hey, pendejo.

Did you say potato taco?

Who's this?

This is Valente.

Valente.

Hello.

Pendejo.

Maricón.

Stupid maricón.

Let me call him back.

You know what I'm going to say to him?

I get insulted every once in a while by Mexicans here.

They say, chinga tu madre, puto.

I'm going to say that to him.

Potato taco.

Is that potato shell or potato inside?

Yeah, potato and cheese.

That sounds good, man.

Vegetarian taco.

Yeah, that's good.

Only got 50 minutes left to show.

Oh, my shit.

We're going to make it.

I've been up since 5 o'clock this morning.

So tired.

Still got to do my eye drops.

Yeah, listen.

Potato tacos.

Probably going to get further with the lady, but I just wanted to get that out.

Shit.

What's your problem?

Milkman, you talk to her now, okay?

It's your turn.

I hear that damn iPhone back there.

I don't know.

Just tomorrow's good or tonight later.

Have it some later, too, if you want to buy it.

You sell it to those guys?

I haven't seen them, guys.

Mute yourself.

Yeah.

I was going to say, if I sell it to you, then you can sell it to them for me.

Because you see them.

I don't see them guys that much.

Would you mute yourself?

I'm going to hang up on you.

Late.

Okay.

God damn it.

Just hang up on him, fucking asshole.

Noonan, I'm looking.

Where are the clown numbers?

You sent me info on the clowns.

You didn't send me the phone number to the place.

If you did, send it again.

Send the clowns.

Clowns.

Lonesome Loser.

Sending in more numbers here.

That was Nacho's Taco Shop that we called earlier a few times.

Didn't get far.

Wacko's Bar and Grill.

Really?

In Jacksonville.

I didn't know they were in Jacksonville.

I thought they were just in Orlando at the university.

Tough Guy Bowling Lanes.

Here we go.

Let's do that.

Tough Guy.

Yeah.

The other day, my voice is sounding really funny.

It sounded like yesterday, actually.

so they sound like Christian Slater.

That's pretty cool.

That's quite the thing.

What's up, Guy Lanes?

Oh, hey.

The shoe rental's there.

How much are they?

$2 a pair.

Do you have a rule about using sneakers?

Yes.

Wear bowling shoes.

Do you guys check?

I'm sorry, what?

Do you guys check?

Yes, we do.

How do you check?

Huh?

I bowl at the Farrell Lanes in Florida,

and they say that, but they never check.

Oh, I guarantee you, if we see you with your sneakers on,

We would tell you, no, when you come to get the bowl, we ask you how many pair of shoes you need.

And then, do you have the button that resets the pins in case you make a mistake?

This is automatic scoring.

Yeah, but there's a button that you hit it down and it clears the pins off in case something happens?

Yes.

Is there a problem if I push that button and throw the ball and it hits the bar?

Is it a problem, bitch?

Hang up, phone.

Hang up, bitch.

It's like a limbo.

It's hung up and it's not hung up.

There we go.

They're hung up.

Have you ever opened up the inside of a bowling ball before?

No.

Answer my question.

I just, I've got, it's my voice today.

I'm just like.

I know, guys.

I know.

I've tried.

I'm figuring you guys are entertained because you're here.

You're hanging out still.

The world doesn't have a sense of humor anymore.

It's just not.

The world ain't down.

BMR says he's doing homework.

Thank you for that.

I don't know why he told me that, but.

Good for you. Don't do drugs.

Ken wants me to call Charlie.

I already tried to. It went to his voicemail.

I'll try again for you, stupid. Stupid man.

Uh, BMR. Come on, man.

What did I tell you about doing drugs?

It's not cool. Let's call Melk on back.

See if he's going to shut up now.

Nunu, I'll call the clowns if you send me the number.

You still haven't sent me the number for the clowns.

Oh, there we go.

This is where the clowns are.

What happened?

When did you meet yourself?

like you know when you're talking i thought i was muted i muted it after you told me to

yeah but you came back and i kept hearing you talk hearing you talk and i had to hang up on

you you're like really i'll see you tomorrow next week and yeah and you're five dollars for a suck

twenty dollars for a fuck you were saying what the fuck's that about i don't know dude i must

have got it unmuted dude i'm using the fucking blackberry all right i'm using my fucking evo

i thought it was muted god damn it milkman you're a disappointment i know man you disappoint

Point to me.

We're calling a clown convention, Milkman.

Isn't that awesome?

Huh?

We're calling a fucking clown convention.

Isn't that awesome?

Yeah, when are you calling?

Right now.

You ready or you got to go?

Call me back in like 10 or 15 minutes because my mom just called, dude.

I got to talk to her for a few minutes.

She's not doing too good.

She's having a pretty rough.

Mama.

Okay, call Mama.

Or how can I call you back, man?

Mama, Mama.

You can't call me back.

I don't have a Skype number anymore because I'm poor.

Oh, that's right.

All right, well then.

Mama.

Just, uh.

Call me about like 9.35

Okay

Bye

Go call mama

Bye

Bye mama

Mama's boy

What a disappointment he's been

Man number one go through

Trying to call but it won't go through

Shit

I guess I'm out of minutes

I'm out of Skype minutes

And to be honest with you

I can't afford it anymore right now

I don't think

Let me go check though

Let me play a prank call

Oh boy

I think we might have to end the show early here folks

Sorry man

I know it's been disappointing

I'm doing my best here

Let's listen to this real quick

Hang on

By heart of a senior citizen, huh?

Dr. Lego prank. Your favorites.

Did you call my mother?

Yeah, hi. I'd like to get some information, please.

Yes, but I think it's too late now.

Ted!

Hey, Ted!

Carlito!

Hey, how are you doing?

Que pasa?

How you doing?

I'm alright. A little sick still.

Were you listening to the show?

That's a pretty coincidence, man.

I haven't seen you in a while.

We got a lot of old-timers joining tonight.

Yeah, I sort of read about

your issue with

what was it? Your appendix blew up?

Yeah. Burst it.

It was bad. And you had like

what was it?

An antibiotic IV

going all the time or something?

You called it a pickle? A pick line.

That's what they call it.

A spic line. Yeah. I got it taken out

yesterday. My arm is sore as balls.

It sucks. Sore as balls.

That doesn't make any sense, but it sounds sore.

Sounds pretty painful. But yeah,

man. I'm getting there.

um can't see really well but hopefully what's wrong with your vision well because i had a

infection and it took its wrath on my eyes my eyes blew up combined with diabetes and my retina

started bleeding on both my eyes and i lost the left eye completely but i had surgery i had surgery

on it three weeks ago and i every day i see a little more i see a little more light like right

now i'm looking none of you're watching the video but i can see the light here and i see where the

laptop screen is i couldn't do that last week so it's starting the doctor says it's right now i

see a lame white guy getting a haircut and playing roulette okay stacking red chips

because every time i click play there's a fucking advertisement oh yeah i got to get rid of the

u-stream man because there's no way to mute it automatically and shit i'm thinking i might try

try to do justin tv again or live stream again or something like that i don't know i felt i felt

woes man i hope your vision gets better i hope so too out of everything you know now that's the last

thing i need is to go blind oh yeah yeah but yeah what can you do man you know it's so i know you're

not religious but it's a whole karma thing i guess i don't know it's all for a reason etc

something something will come out of this yeah how you how you been doing man did you ever finish

to school i know you were going to school and all that for a while there did you ever finish that up

yeah i finished it up and uh i've been just working ever since you know not a whole lot

changed for me at work i still got the same you know job okay it wasn't like they promoted me to

ceo or anything oh that sucks yeah well you know well at least you know health-wise i've been good

which is you know all you can ask for and i'm not like i don't believe that you got sick because

because of karma but i hope i hope you're uh all that stuff gets better i went through a whole

weird thing was like it's happening because of prank calls because i'm prank calling people

is why i got this has happened and like my mom was telling me you're crazy and my wife athena

was like no that's not it you know i went i went through the same thing when um in undergrad i got

you know my ocd and depression like i totally like crashed and had you know nervous breakdown

like i kept thinking it was because of everything bad i'd ever done in my life and now god was

coming back to like punish me or something it's really weird but then i started you know going

to therapy and taking medicine and started feeling better and was like wow that was really stupid that

i was that desperate to think that some magic white bearded guy in the clouds was waving

yeah that's true well i got the catholic guilt you know and i haven't been to church for a long

long time well i was raised catholic too so i know exactly what you're talking about i'm talking

about yeah you do um ted i hate to do this i gotta i gotta swap batteries on the laptop that

controls skype and it's gonna disconnect the audio for about 10 seconds just hang on okay

don't go all right you won't be disconnected you're just gonna hear some rustling hang on

everybody give me a second so i get rid of this buzzing all right that should have fixed it

you there still ted yeah i can hear

music.

Hang on.

I'm trying to remember this laptop.

The jack, the headphone jack that goes into it that I...

Say something.

Something.

There we go.

Okay, can't move the laptop too much.

We're good.

All right, cool.

man well hey we'll get reanimated here um i was getting ready to wrap up the show because i ran

out of skype credit um i have uh you got you got unlimited minutes or whatever you get the

subscription i don't have unlimited but i have like five bucks that guys have been holding on

to for probably six months oh cool would you mind helping out a little bit if i directed some

numbers your way sure uh cool thanks mike i can appreciate it um i'm gonna what i'm gonna do is

I think we used to do it this way.

I can copy-paste what Lonesome sent me.

Let me see here.

Hello.

Where are you going to paste that?

I'm going to paste it in IRC.

Oh, I guess I could in Skype, right?

That would work.

Yeah, that'd be better.

I'll do that.

The Skype interface is very old-looking.

It's not good-looking.

I'm quite happy with the Skype interface lately.

They've really fixed it up quite nicely in the last few versions.

Yeah, it looks good.

Very cool.

It's come a long way.

Have you heard from Jen Stewart at all lately?

Someone's asking me.

Uh, I heard from him like three months ago, but to be honest, I really, we were just like

communicating over our Android phones for a little while, like sending text messages

and stuff, and then just sort of died out.

Uh, alright, well, if you ever hear from him, tell him I said hi.

He emailed me about six months ago, I never heard back from him again.

I get questions all the time, is he ever coming back, does he ever do pranks, I just, I said

at the time, he doesn't want to do pranks anymore, that's okay, there's nothing wrong

with that.

Sean Ward's the same way.

Neo was on the show earlier tonight.

She doesn't really get into practice anymore.

And that's okay.

We don't hate him for that.

You don't really do practice anymore.

Everyone's convinced that it's going to result in them being sent to the fiery depths below.

I'm not convinced, so I'm going to call this number.

Okay.

All right.

Who are we doing?

Which one are you doing?

G. Jones.

Let's do it.

G. Jones.

Call that number.

All right.

G. Jones, everybody.

G. Jones is in London.

London.

Tottenham.

I'm going to catch that bus.

Here we go.

All right.

Ooh, I see it.

Do you hear the buzzing?

Yeah.

Boop, boop.

Breaking the wall.

Hello?

Hello.

Yeah, who's calling?

Hello, Mr. Jones.

Yeah, who's calling?

This is Buckaroo Barnaby, and I don't have a last name for you.

But anyways, I'm looking for your wife.

Is she home?

No, I haven't got a wife.

Did you lose her?

Sorry?

Did you lose her?

What happened to your wife?

Yeah, what's it?

Who are you again?

My name is...

it's five o'clock in the morning my name is barnaby yeah well you know you i don't know who

you are and it's five o'clock in the morning don't talk to me like i'm a wanker or something

have a little respect well you are because you're phoning me up at five o'clock in the morning

phone up you know don't phone people at five o'clock in the morning do you well look your

wife called and said she wanted some birds removed no you got the wrong number man your wife your

Your wife said there were a bunch of peckers around,

and she wanted me to come get rid of them.

You've got the wrong number.

You don't have any peckers, Luke.

You're wasting your time and your money,

and you've got the wrong number, all right?

Because there's no bird to you, so go away, all right?

Because I want to go back to sleep, all right?

Good night.

I recall that.

I believe that's the...

I don't know if you've heard KDK's recent shows,

but he's back with a vengeance.

He's been doing really good lately.

He seems to be, yeah, turned around.

Me and him, we made peace.

and during those London riots

he called, I think he called that guy

several times and it was really funny.

Very, very good stuff.

Very good and well played.

Can you connect him again? Maybe you'll see if he'll

talk to me this time. That'd be nice.

I would like that very much. I would fancy

that, so to say.

I miss those days, man.

You and Jen doing pranks, fancying

bums. Hello?

Oh, come on, hello. Somebody messed it up.

Yeah. Just try that again.

Yeah, I think I talked on it.

oh it's busy yeah shit well maybe later sir maybe later um yeah i'm gonna do m jones

oh i got hong kong in you're not in san diego are you no okay i heard it was a big thing in

san diego but power being out oh yeah so southern california some issue they don't know what caused

it wow yeah well we lost uh my water got shut off it's it's off already over the break i tried to

use the water it shut off they said until monday no water here so because of localized flooding

here we go uh m jones michael jones yes hello i'm calling to schedule that bird removal

hello m jones hello is it mrs jones i'm calling about to schedule the bird removal for this

morning we got a call you had birds to be removed you have a bird that needs to be removed

Do you have a husband there

Maybe that sat on a bird

That's the Jesus lady

Try her again

She gets upset

She sends you to Jesus

Remember we were talking about Jesus

And God

That's right

Send you to Jesus

The blood of Jesus

The power of Christ

Comes over the phone

Do you remember

When you

Told that guy

To throw his phone

Into the bathtub

Charlie Patton

Yeah

What a dumb horse guy

Oh my god

Oh gullible

I was like yeah

Yeah, he's like, I have cancer.

Which he didn't have cancer.

Well, Milkman said he didn't.

Milkman said he didn't, and then I think he died.

I think he...

Hello?

Hello, ma'am.

Ms. Jones.

I'm calling about the blood of Jesus.

When you menstruate, is it the blood of Jesus?

You need it.

When you menstruate, is it the blood of Jesus?

You're worried.

You're in trouble.

You need Jesus in your life.

What about the blood of Mary?

All what you need to do is to go and repent.

Where do I find the blood of Jesus?

Where do I find it?

The scripture says you repent ye and be baptized by the remission of your sins.

Go and repent, my brother.

Jesus is there.

He will fix it.

I can't help you.

Jesus will.

Somebody say, brother.

Where do I find this blood of Jesus exactly, though?

When you get it, you will know what it is all about.

Go and seek him.

The time you're taking up my phone and speaking foolishness,

get down on your knees and ask him to forgive you of your sins.

And please don't phone me.

I don't know you.

You don't know me.

Don't phone me.

Bumper cloth.

Blood cloth.

The blood of Jesus.

Why even bring that up?

Yeah, why bring up that?

Do you think Jesus really wants us to drink?

Yeah, drink my blood.

Yeah, it's a cannibalistic ritual, which I don't like.

Yeah, I'm kind of upset with myself.

I found this free phone chat line, and I call it during the day, and it's kind of fun.

What was I doing the other day today?

Something weird.

Oh, I don't know.

I mess with people in this free phone chat line.

It's pretty funny.

Is it like a party line?

It's like a party line, yeah.

Yeah, they have a party conference line, but they also have, like, just, you know, singles, you know, connect and stuff.

And I act all nice, and I get women to connect and then act really weird.

Like, I can't, but then, yeah, that's what I was doing.

I kept, I said, I'm going to be really stupid.

This morning I got on, and I kept saying, I want you to sit on my fucking face.

Like, I thought it sounded really creepy to say face and just keep saying this, like that, like a snake.

and i kept doing it to this black girl he's like leave me the fuck alone yo you're scaring me so

are you creepy man and like yeah i want you to sit on my face anyway and there was a gay guy on

there i connected with him and um i kept saying to sit on my face saying he was like jerking off

to it and i told him and so i told him i was tracing the call like is that gonna be stupid

as i'm tracing his call he was like no you're not get out of here are you like yes i'm tracing

of the call and i'm gonna tell your wife and kids i know you have wife and kids like how do you know

that he was like actually freaking out like don't and he's like no you can't trace it it goes back

to the chat line and he argued me for like 10 minutes about how i couldn't trace him i didn't

record it man you know i gotta start recording these things yeah i've done lots of stuff that

i wish i would have recorded like i'll just you know so from now on i record all my phone calls

when they come in and out of this house no matter what oh that's like what um what's his face does

Because Tom Mabe does that.

He just always hits record.

Yeah, Jim Ford.

We've got one more G. Jones.

All right, let's do it.

I feel like Lonesome's got something for Tottenham tonight.

Tottenham?

That's where they had those riots.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Those are what I know.

There you go.

There you go, dog.

Oh, blood of Jesus.

Hello?

Yeah, who this?

Who do you want?

Yo, Jones, what up, dog?

I think you're the wrong number.

Oh, look.

Look, uh, I dropped my car off there to get an oil change, and, uh, is it ready yet?

No, this is, excuse me, it's not a garage.

What the hell is not a garage?

What you just phoned.

Uh, number I call is, uh, uh, 880-9756.

Yeah, that's, that's not a garage.

Yeah, anyways, I dropped my car off over there, and I want to pick it up.

No, not us.

Now, you guys don't be taking the cars and, and, uh, going for them, them joyrides with it, right?

Because I dropped my bands, the 500 bands

You know the 500 bands with the

Black leather seat and

No, you got a wrong number

No, this ain't no wrong number, look

Wrong number, Mike

You ain't taking my bands

You'll be in some trouble

Those are the black man's bands, that's all I gotta say

Picture me rolling

Picture me rolling, Tupac

You ever see the movie Can't Hardly Wait?

No

No, man, it's got a part, it's pretty funny

like uh it's uh like a graduation high school graduation movie and when they're doing the

intros like each character they they show their um like you know they show the character comes in

the scene for the first time and it stops or freezes shows their yearbook picture and you

know like you know there's their motto you know you know in your yearbook you get your saying

and what you're going to be and all that and uh jimmy kennedy plays his wigger guy and he's like

a tupac fan and his saying is uh picture me rolling it's pretty funny i just realized i

I always think about that.

Jimmy Kennedy, picture me rolling.

My 500th thing.

Yeah, man.

Did you hear about the terrorist threat, Ted?

I don't know if you had any thoughts on that.

Have you thought it was credible or not?

Do you think it's just stirring up panic?

I think it's credible but unconfirmed.

Okay, what else can you do?

What is it?

Is it credible or is it not?

It's credible but unconfirmed.

Well, because all I know is I watched the CNN and Janet Napolitano was like,

Like, you know, there's chatter.

There's chatter, but no credible threat.

I'm like, okay.

And I see Obama's speech, and right after breaking news,

there's a credible threat now.

I'm like, what the fuck happened?

You just said there's no credible threat.

You just said chatter.

Lots of chatter on jihadi.

Okay, if there are jihadi websites chattering about terrorism,

how about finding the idiots that are chatting on the websites?

It's possible.

It's not difficult to do.

Exactly.

Why don't they let 4chan loose on these websites?

size they'll shut them down you know that 4chan will do something though man i think it's just

to distract us from 10 unemployment i guess yeah something well don't you think the jihadists would

be chattering more come the 10th anniversary of their big moment you would think they would be

right you think that'd be a pretty big moment i don't know like what are they gonna do they're

gonna like avenge osama or something wonderful it's all a bunch of nonsense it's a bunch of

people like throwing sticks and stones at each other and finding an occasional firearm it's

it's like fighting for fighting's sake nobody even knows what they're fighting about anymore

it's a real it's a real religion and who even cares anymore what the differences are who even

knows or cares or who even knows or cares um can you try can you try m jones again for me

remember that that was the first one right no that was the blood of jesus lady on the

yeah the power of christ the power of christ that's for calling in ted you really saved the

night you know i appreciate it man i miss talking to you oh thanks baby the power of christ i don't

want to find this person we're an altar boy no no i was i wasn't molested i wasn't i was an altar

boy i wasn't molested i wish i was what is it what is this nonsense now it's saying i can't add this

person because it's not in my contacts list are you in the windows version or something else i'm

in the windblows version just on the left side do call phones and then um put it in there and then

you get the option to add to conference picture me rolling it says add participants oh jesus i

don't know what to tell you skype oh skype okay i have to add it no matches found why is it trying

I'm trying to match it against somebody.

Oh, because there's a space in front of it.

There we go.

It's gone.

Hello?

It takes her a while.

Hello?

Yeah, she hung up, didn't she?

Calling back.

Yeah, I was going to ask her about Machiavelli.

Hello?

This is Satan.

I've called to say hello.

What's wrong with you?

Listen, Tupac was talking about Jesus once,

and he said that Jesus said to picture him rolling.

What's wrong with you?

Tupac and Machiavelli.

If you know Jesus, why you don't get up, take up a Bible and read?

I did.

I read the whole Bible.

You know what I found out?

Why you don't read your Bible and get a better understanding of Christ?

I read the whole...

Instead of getting up in the night and waking up old people.

I read the cliff notes.

I read the...

What's wrong with you?

I read the whole Bible and I didn't find anything in it.

I just used it for toilet paper and I rolled joints with it.

Well, what if you don't find anything in the Bible and you expect to find it from me?

If you read the Bible and you don't get anything, what do you expect to get from me?

Jesus told me...

All the answer that you need is in the Bible.

Does Jesus love me?

Does he love me?

But he needs money.

Does he love all of his children?

He loves the children of the world.

All what you have to do is to obey.

Obey.

Does, listen.

Obey him.

Does he love even the...

All what you have to.

Listen, you might get a little upset about this one,

but does he even love the black children?

Does he even love the black children?

You need Christ in your life.

That's what you have to do.

He sure does.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

God, Jesus, I'm sorry.

Say ten Hail Marys.

All what you need to do is to seek Jesus.

No, no.

We're Catholics here.

It seems like you are seeking the head.

No, we're Catholic.

It may seem that way.

You need a physician.

This is what Catholicism is.

And Jesus is the greatest physician.

Seek him, my brother.

Seek him, and you shall find him.

I've been looking for him, but...

Seek, and ye shall find.

I don't know about that.

I've been looking, looking high and low.

You need to...

Wait, let me check under my keyboard, you know,

because it's always in the last place you look.

You know what's bothering you?

You need to repent of all your sins.

you must have done some wicked thing in your life that's why i know you are you perplexed i'm

perplexed you are what you don't know what you want wait wait oh crap i almost found it i think

i saw g no that's a hell's angel oh wait this is no did you see the movie passion of the christ lady

i didn't you're not miss jones you should align still brian disconnect the call please

is it brian what was it i think it was brian goes brian terminate the call ryan ryan terminate the

call please there you go all right i'm sorry for using android i'll have to edit it out but i just

idea of us gonna get her well that's always the litmus test for whether it's you know only whites

go to heaven yeah exactly well i was gonna ask jews but then i thought because she's jamaican

and sounding. I thought that'd be kind of funny.

She's like, what?

What you say?

Poor lady. Obviously,

I'm perplexed because of

my past transgression.

You obviously did something really wicked.

You're hurt.

You did something wicked.

Wicked. You did something wicked.

That's why you're perplexed.

She could be right.

It must be so

fulfilling to have all the answers.

I know. Voodoo Mama Juju

you over there knows all the answers i'll tell you sometimes i wish i had you know just this

little book of answers that i could read and be like yep that's why you need the book of answers

if there was this one book with all the answers in it yeah that no one could misinterpret any way

they wanted to and skew it to their own needs that'd be amazing um all right well do you want

to can can you do one more for me at least here for we uh yeah i are you gonna is it in the list

I think it's called everything in the room.

There's actually a few more.

A few newer ones there from Lonesome, yeah.

You can do at least one more of those.

I don't want to take up too much of your time.

I usually end the show in about five minutes.

Why don't I...

Oh.

Did you get them, or should I resend?

I don't know why I didn't get them.

Yeah, I tried to call Nunu's clown convention, but it wouldn't go through.

Well, now it says I have another message.

I don't know.

I only got the three numbers that you sent before.

I don't know why I don't see any new ones.

Really?

Let me try again.

Give me a second here.

i should have two new ones here there's a hong kong something and an oriental buffet something

here let's see i just sent it now oh there we go is that the cat that used to hiss at you all the

time which cat you had a cat that used to like not like you you know no that's not me my cat

yo i feel like you don't want me to be all right uh yeah did you get him hong kong buffet or hong

yeah i got him i'm okay i want to add

my people are not supposed to know tupac tongue by heart

i've said before in the show when i was growing up in high school

it was the white boys i was into tupac the most nothing wrong with that but i

wasn't really into him then who am i calling see what it was oh here

Here it is. Hong Kong Inn.

No, wait. This is Oriental Buffet.

Good. Jack Masher.

Thank you for calling Oriental Buffet.

Our business hour is from 11 a.m. to 9.30 p.m.

Please leave a message.

Ryan, terminate the call, please.

Let's have a discussion about the importance of articles.

Articles.

I bought a book.

I am going to the store.

These are important words in the English language.

So, for example, please leave a message after the tone.

He is better than, please leave message after tone.

Bye.

Question on that grammatical sense.

Is it proper to say an economic mess or a economic mess?

It's an economic.

Right.

Obama today said a economic mess, and I corrected him.

I said out loud, an economic mess.

And the thing is like, no, he said it right.

And I said, no, he didn't.

he said it wrong and he says something else later he said yeah uh roofs isn't it roofs

like what did he say roofs roofs plural roof is that a root would you say roofs or the roofless

roofs i think um more than one roof is a root is roofs i think you're right it is roof what a

fucking asshole that guy eloquent my ass well it's like uh what did say uh george bush is like

The key question is, is our children learning?

Yeah, you're right.

You know, when you compare him to the last guy, I guess he's not that bad.

When nuclear is nuclear.

What is it?

Nuclear?

Nuclear.

And we're still on this guy's answering machine.

All right.

Well, thank you.

Think about all that.

Thank you.

We're no longer on his answering machine.

Ryan doesn't have to call.

Okay.

All right.

Ryan was a little...

A little slow.

All right.

Ted I'm gonna I'm gonna hang up here I'm gonna call it a show thank you very much though man

it was good to hear you it's good to hear your eyes feel better yeah everything else thank you

pray for me pray to buddha whatever you do burn some incense for me bang the gong yeah I can do

that okay all right seriously though you've always been a good friend and uh thanks for thanks for

the well wishes thanks for calling in man stay in touch take care and the best the best to your

your wife thank you all right there we go that's big ted everybody well what we learned tonight

we've learned that you can picture me rolling that the blood of jesus and the bible are the

answer to everything lost milkman who was here he want to thank everybody for listening tonight

thank you to lonesome loser for sending in some numbers uh thanks to new new new new i'm sorry

i didn't get to the clown convention uh see who else are sent in numbers amd i tried sarah i've

didn't work out very well i don't know it was it was okay we had some fun wasn't too bad i know

this song motherfucker anyway so uh the website is madhouselife.com also cactiradio.com

phone losers.org be sure to tune in to uh cacti radio over the weekend you know you got the fun

show and the prank show friday and saturday respectively although i don't know if roxy is

on friday or not i want to say she was off for a few weeks or something it was just starting late

something like that i don't know there'll be a show this weekend at some point a cacti right so

listen to it and if you haven't yet subscribe to the podcast this episode i do expect will be on

the podcast tomorrow afternoon i've been doing good and keep it on top of that i think there's

pubic hair on my microphone and we're out of here we'll uh we'll play this song out you'll have a

good night catch you next week

Come home with some

That's right nigga

Wanna see me again

Wind this track right here

Close your eyes

Picture me rolling

Picture me

Pick up a Bible and read

Calls (26, 1 h 1 min of 2 h 31 min)

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