The Blind Pranker

Do you need help, or do you want to ask me the names of every different sandwich that is out there?

Cold pork sandwich.

I have other calls to take, sir.

Um, okay.

Sorry that you've been reduced to using the payphone.

There is one.

About ham sandwiches.

They say that the fire was started by a blast of wind from Howard Stern's asshole.

Who the fuck is this?

The fuck, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

The fuck is this?

I never fucked anybody over in my life.

Didn't have it coming to me.

You got that?

All I have in this world is my balls and my word.

And I don't break them for no one.

Do you understand?

That piece of shit up there, I never like him.

I never trust him.

For all I know, he had me set up and had my friend Angel Fernandez killed.

But that's history.

I hear he's not.

Do you want to go on with me?

Do say it.

If you don't, then you make a move.

All right, everybody.

This is Carlito speaking.

Speaking through the wire.

I'm here with Brad, RBCP. How are you doing, good man?

Hey, everyone.

Hey, everyone. This is Brad Carter.

I'm going to be lurking.

Brad's going to be lurking.

I'm Carlito. I've got some crazy shit that happened to me the day after last week's show.

Hence, I'm connected via Skype, but I'm not running the board.

Brad's running the board there in the Cacti Radio studio on the West Coast.

How are you doing, RBCP? Are you having a good day today?

Yeah, pretty good.

I was going to be productive and get a lot of stuff done tonight

and then you're making me do this

so whatever

sorry asshole

anyway Tux might be joining us here a little bit

I am Carlito of course as usual

make sure you're joining us

in the chat room

the chat room is up

I'm not in there for reasons we'll explain soon

but RBCP is in there

and he'll be taking your parent call requests

he'll be connecting all the calls tonight

message him

I am him over at the madhouselive.com chat room.

Also, get a hold of him.

I don't know what other ways.

You can send your prank requests as usual.

If you send those emails, I can forward those over to RBGCP in the background.

That's fine.

And I'm working on logging in myself here in the messengers.

As always, those are Madhouse Radio on AOL on Yahoo Instant Messenger

and Madhouse at live.com on MSN.

uh so as explained i'm carlito i'm here alive still um i had a lot of uh well we had some good

shows recently here and everything was going well i was in the middle of editing uh the last

show from last week uh which will be called crackers in the bed we had a lot of fun last

thursday and in the middle of editing i was responding to an email about starting work

on Monday, and

as you all know, I've had

a lot of medical issues here

recently. One of them being my vision

has been really poor. I lost the vision

in my left eye. I had surgery. That's still

recovering, although I'm expecting to make a full

recovery in that eye. But unfortunately

my right eye, all of a sudden,

in the middle of editing last week's show,

went blind. I lost the

ability to read

anything and everything

with that eye. Hence, I could not do

anything on a computer. Couldn't watch TV.

can't even look at my cell phone and see what's going on completely blind um it was pretty bad

over the weekend was pretty tough i was pretty depressed couldn't do anything just sat like a

log on the couch and luckily i could tap around on my android phone and i got you know sirius

working if you know what's helping me i was like i listened to some music on shoutcast and sirius

and some podcasts and stuff like that uh but uh it wasn't until tuesday morning uh that i had

the ability to see a little bit of text

again, blown up.

So I am able to do some stuff on a computer

now. I use the accessibility

settings on my

Windows 2008 server machine.

It's got one monitor that

has the, what's it called,

the magnifier on it

that's really used for handicapped people,

I guess, or people in my case. I'm disabled

now, legally.

But it lets me focus

on everything that I'm looking at.

So am I your senior?

am i your seeing eye prankster now yes yes i am the blind pranker and i don't know what you would

be you're kind of like my seeing eye dog i guess so yeah actually yeah you're that's so awesome

you're really i'm gonna put that on my resume yeah there you go you should put that on your

resume that's a good thing put it right there with when you're in the beta club and um yeah

so basically i'm able to see get around a little bit i can do some iming here and there but i'm

really pretty much useless on the computer

now. So, I mean, I hate

to do sob stories. I hate to be like, oh,

wow, wow, again.

But I did lose another job opportunity

that I had gotten because

of this. It was just sudden, dude. I don't know.

Like, I don't know what's going

on, why the gods hate me.

I don't know. I do know that my dad

was explaining to me that he found a coconut

in his backyard

that was covered in tinfoil

and he thinks it was some San Maria stuff.

He's Puerto Rican and he goes to church a lot

and he thinks that people are after him and my family.

So he thinks that there is some bad voodoo against our family, supposedly.

So they are in church every night now, praying for my eyesight.

There you go.

How are your eyes doing, Brad?

Are you able to see okay?

Yeah, so far I'm okay.

Maybe I should stop associating with you

because I don't want the hex to carry over onto me

because that would suck.

I think maybe you should start going to church.

Yep, sure.

Take a cue from your family.

I think so, doing something.

something get a priest to do exactly that's a nice song what are you what music are you playing

that sounds kind of cool i like this i can kind of hear it oh the song um that is uh it's called

rail maze it's a a game for the iphone i was completely addicted to a month ago and i i played

it so much that the song was stuck in my head all the time so i i turned it into a background music

cool yep kick ass man i wanted to mention i was watching the facebook conference i don't know if

If you caught any of that crazy action today, RBCP.

Nope.

But the big FA conference and Mark Zuckerberg, big changes to Facebook announced today.

Over the last few days, there have been some changes, but apparently profiles.

I haven't seen my profile because I can't see.

But I understand that from what I understand from the video feed this afternoon, it's completely changed the face of Facebook.

And a lot of people are people who love it or they hate it.

But I don't know if you've ever heard of Spotify.

it's this kind of music service um rbcp yeah i i downloaded the iphone app and i was pissed that

i couldn't use it because it's there's just nothing there yet or something maybe i just

don't know how to use it but i know they just they just rolled it out in america it's like

really big in europe or something yeah it is it is well the funny thing is about that the ceo the

company of spotify was uh came out to talk about the new integration they have with facebook

homepages and he was wearing

a Spotify t-shirt, the Spotify logo

but he had a blazer

over it like this black jacket

and blue jeans on

and the jacket covered everything in the logo

except for the very middle of it so it said pot

and he was walking around

he didn't even know, he was walking around

like a douche with his shirt

saying pot and it was funny and we all had a laugh

we laughed and laughed and laughed

so there

it's the only thing you have to be happy about anymore

more that's right you can't have spotify without pot tell you what yeah yeah i could go for some

right now you know that probably saved my eyes or yeah i'd be doing a lot better that'd probably

be the miracle cure you know you need to get some weed and see see how that what that does for your

eyesight exactly exactly i don't know if you guys are watching the video feed but i've got athena's

dark glasses on because i can't afford any dark glasses of my own so i'm wearing female dark

our glasses but if will smith and kanye west can wear women's glasses sunglasses uh then i can too

nothing wrong with that i think i look good in sunglasses that are made for a woman

um anyway rbcp do we have any numbers yet are we still on the holding pattern right now uh let's

see no uh none at all thanks thank you assholes i appreciate that make sure everybody's numbers

i can get did you uh listen to the phone show this week uh i've i listened to the first 10

minutes and i've i passed out i couldn't stay up sorry i was boring you to death um no no

okay so this guy he he uh we had a lot of fun with this on the phone show this week uh it's

it's a phone number in california and it goes directly to a 411 operator and they think you're

calling from a pay phone it's like a back door we're not supposed to have it and they get really

they get really confused when we call it and like if you want to give that a try

it seems to be like a really small

office so

if that

sounds like something you want to

yeah sounds good

is Nunu on your AOL

because he will have numbers

I don't know if you got him on AOL

he's on the PLA

tiny chat right now

and I don't know I think he's in your

chat room

yeah Nunu

you usually get numbers in the early

before Lonesome Loser gets here

Here, send him over to RBCP.

He's going to be connecting us from now.

Okay.

Thanks.

I'm going to try and dial this number now.

All righty.

I guess I should turn off the music.

Hold on, hold on.

Claims it's ringing.

Claims.

Thank you for using Frontier Communications Solutions.

For quality purposes, your call may be recorded.

What city, please?

You said be specific?

What was that?

No, I'm sorry.

It wasn't to you.

Oh, what do I need to be specific about?

The city?

It wasn't to you, sir.

But yes, I need to know what city you're searching in.

Oh, specifically, I'm searching in Las Vegas, Nevada.

What would you like there?

Ham sandwich.

Is that the name of the business?

Yeah, it's how to make a ham sandwich.

There's information.

So do you need help finding a number, or are you just using the payphone for fun?

No, this is information.

Yeah, for a phone number, not how to make a ham sandwich.

Well, listen, I was listening to the radio, and they had this service.

is it was 411 that you could call and get movie listings and information and all this stuff and

phone numbers so no not this 411 we don't have that kind of information here no movie listings

no sandwich directions just phone numbers oh can you look up the business ham sandwich

sir there's no business called ham sandwich coming up um in nevada the whole state i can't

search the whole state but i can tell you in las vegas there's not a listing under ham sandwich

Peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Do you need help, or do you want to ask me the names of every different sandwich that is out there?

Cold pork sandwich.

I have other calls to take, sir.

Um, okay.

Sorry that you've been reduced to using the payphone.

There is one.

About ham sandwiches.

There is one.

You have a good night now.

Thank you.

Wait, please.

Wow, she insulted you.

You've been reduced to using a payphone.

Okay, so the chances are...

Thank you for using Frontier Communications Solutions.

For quality purposes, your call may be recorded.

State, please.

Yes, Las Vegas, Nevada, ham sandwich.

Okay, sir.

I can't search Las Vegas, Nevada.

You're calling from a pay phone.

You can only search California.

Why was I just talking to the lady and she was searching for me?

I don't know, sir, but when you're calling from a pay phone,

we can only search California.

We can do a supervisor to say the same thing.

I'll be offline.

But the lady before was searching.

I don't understand.

Hello?

Did she hang up?

She's getting a supervisor.

Okay, cool.

She sounded the same.

Supervisor, I'm going to help you.

Thank you, Supervisor.

I was talking earlier, and the lady was searching in Las Vegas, Nevada for me.

And now you have this black woman there who says that she can't search outside of California.

That's correct.

Okay.

But why was the lady before searching Las Vegas for me?

She probably wasn't paying attention, but she wasn't supposed to.

Okay, do you have access to the computer?

No, I don't.

So what do you do there?

exactly that's really none of your business well i need information i need this listing

so right but you only can get california i can't search las vegas nevada but i'm calling from

nevada i'm calling from there you're calling from california no i'm not i'm calling from nevada

i'm right at the border i wouldn't be able to search for you well look in california for me

me then what city in california uh ham sandwich in california hello supervisor is the patient

there still she's still there supervisor i command you to speak okay ryan disconnect the call please

ryan disconnecting call ryan terminate the call please all right let's try again okay

it's weird it's a backdoor number and they they they they just cannot comprehend that you're not

calling out of california oh and that's another thing some of them will search only california

others will search anywhere it just depends on the rep huh which yeah it's really weird i should

have asked for the supervisor's name please hold while i connect your call thank you for using

frontier communication solutions for quality purposes your call may be recorded i didn't

know frontier was an old company i thought they were gone what city and state place yes hello

las vegas nevada and what's the listing place uh ham sandwich hello yes i'm waiting for you to

to give me a correct listing listen i'm this i'm i'm in cahoots with the supervisor and you're not

supposed to be searching outside of california right please help the supervisor i'll be off the

line thank you thank you i'm gonna report her right good supervisor may help you listen that

lady i was just talking to she was um she needs to get written up okay how can i help you yeah

she's not supposed to be looking for listings outside of california and i caught her looking

Looking up in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Hello, supervisor.

Please answer.

Come on.

It seems like when the supervisors go away, there's no indication.

It's just silent.

It just kind of hangs.

Yeah, I think they trace.

They're keeping us on the line.

Old school trace.

They need 20 seconds.

They're watching a computer screen and it's a little dot going across the country, like

slowly toward our house.

Yeah.

Yeah, like the old TV shows, you know, the cops would be hiding out the house and like

keep them off for 20 seconds.

Tracing them.

It's like the Fugitive movie.

We're confusing them, though, because there's two of us.

It messes up their computers.

Yep.

Aha.

All right.

Trap.

Nunu sent me some numbers.

All right.

Good.

I just wanted to mention, I used to...

That's the whole thing.

If you remember, you could dial 411 from a payphone and it was free, but if you dialed

it from the house, it was 99 cents.

In Puerto Rico, when I'd stay there, there was a payphone, like, less, you know, just

down, like, two houses down from where I live.

So if I ever had to call 411, I'd just go outside and dial it from the payphone for free.

Come back to the house, dial it.

Just saying, I'm a scammer all the time.

How much was it to call from home?

It was like 99 cents, I think.

I'd get in trouble if I dare call 411.

Oh my god, forget it.

Oh yeah, I remember that.

It was the same with us.

I just can't remember how much it actually was.

Yeah, it was a lot.

Should I talk to you about these numbers that have been sent to me on the air?

Or should we take a break?

Or are you monitoring Gmail?

i'm not um well i mean i i copy pasted you a number to bocce sent earlier before the show

started uh but there i don't know well yeah i mean let me know because i don't i don't know

i'm not watching gmail so okay well um tuck oh yeah yeah nina's starting to send stuff too but

tuck just sent me a uh a pony for sale okay oh pony all right and uh hey what's this pony

lover are you are you involved in this pony lovers thing i just i started getting emails

is about pony lovers i don't understand yeah you know about that i'm pretty sure that's my fault i

i invited a like everyone and all of my friends on facebook i invited them to the my little ponies

room and we're just messing with everybody in there it's a lot of fun because my phone my phone

reads my i have it on mute now but it reads my gmail all of a sudden it started reading pony

lovers secret society i was like what the hell is this i don't understand why facebook lets people

do that you can just add anybody you want to this my little ponies group you know to any facebook

group and then you're suddenly getting tons of notifications for it it doesn't sound like we

need this we need to start a dirty group and subscribe everybody to it out there sounds good

yeah anywho okay all right so pony for sale pony for sale um okay it's in the same area code as

the payphone operators sweet it's a trap god damn you talk yeah hi is this the pony for sale uh yeah

Okay, how much weight can the pony hold?

She could probably take 125, 130 pounds.

Okay.

My friend, Milkman, he's about 320.

That wouldn't work out?

No.

You know, ponies are much smaller than horses.

What would happen to the pony, though, if he sat on it?

It would hurt her.

It would hurt her?

Would it be permanently?

Like, would it be able to walk again, you think?

I wouldn't sell the pony to somebody that weighed that much.

That's not fair.

I'm really the person that weighs 220 pounds, but I want a pony.

Well, ponies can't carry that much weight.

This pony probably only weighs about 450 itself,

and a horse can carry about 25% of its own weight.

So it weighs more than me, though.

A horse can only carry 25% of its own weight.

A horse that weighs 1,200 pounds carries somebody that weighs 300 pounds.

No.

400 pounds pony times 25%.

400 times 25.

That would mean a 400-pound pony can carry a 100-pound person.

I don't think, I've got a dot matrix printer.

I don't know if we could fire it up.

Maybe, let me see what it comes out to.

900 pounds.

No, you're doing the math the wrong way.

four hundred pound pony carry one quarter of its own weight one quarter one fourth of 400

is one crunch those numbers again hang on go ahead you know it says here 900 pounds 12 ounces

well listen so you're saying based on my weight that you're not going to sell that to me because

that's that's not right a horse that weighs 100 1,200 pounds and then that horse you have a horse

that weighs 100 pounds.

That horse can be somebody that weighs 300.

There's no such thing as a horse that weighs that much.

Of course there are.

There are horses that weigh 2,000 pounds.

But they're big horses.

This is a teeny horse.

This is a child's pony, a little child.

But I can feed the pony food,

and after some time it'll gain weight, right?

No, it'll never get bigger.

It's like a chihuahua is never going to get

to be the size of a great dutchie feed it.

Stupid horse. Stupid pony.

Bye-bye.

Stupid.

I love that dot matrix printer.

That's awesome.

Yeah, you got to invest in one of those for your show.

Get your own dot matrix.

I got to get one.

Yeah, I'm telling you.

I got to go on eBay and get a dot matrix printer.

Call it back.

See what's up.

Okay.

Please.

I probably should have read you the ad.

Let me do that real quick.

It says,

Yeah, yeah.

A very pretty Welsh cross pony for sale.

Approximately 12.2 HH cast.

The pony's name is Cast.

It's about 13 years old.

It has a fantastic jump.

and has been ridden extensively on the beach a real in-your-pocket mare this pony has a lot of

love to give and a lot of go to play with a lot of love to give nice i just before we do that i

want to mention some sad news here in madhouse radio other than my vision going bad but the

rubber boob that we uh started using here it's on the video now uh last december um it has sprung a

leak and it's slowly leaking um it wouldn't leak so bad if i didn't squeeze it but it's still

still captivating and i can't help but squeeze it still and every time it squirts a little bit

of uh titty juice um so there you go breaking news that is really sad the boob is dying i'll

have to find one online i'm gonna find some more rubber boobs but yes hopefully i might try to patch

it up i'm gonna look for some rubber cement maybe i can do something to save the rubber boob all

right pony time hey uh do we take calls because there's somebody there's an unknown oh never mind

he's gone forget it oh yeah we could yeah take calls yeah yeah i haven't taken calls in a while

Oh, well, yeah, we can do that.

I guess they probably wouldn't be for you, because, you know, it's my phone number.

Oh, I'll never remember. Fine.

Okay, here goes Pony.

Hold on, let me try again.

It said it was connecting, and then it just disappeared.

Okay.

Hey, Madhouse Radio's calling me.

That's Tuck.

Hey, Tuck.

I want a pony. What's going on, y'all?

My little pony.

Tuck, are you subscribed to the My Little Pony's secret Facebook page?

I somehow got the little ponies club thing.

Facebook's just weird.

It just adds you all kinds of weird stuff now.

They've added everything now.

Did you see the new page they unveiled today?

I talked about this at the beginning of the show.

It's like, where were you?

Yeah, I was doing it.

God damn it, Tuck.

I talked about the new Facebook and the guy with the shirt that said pot.

You missed it all.

Well, I saw it, but I missed you talking about it.

I'm sorry.

I suck.

I'm sorry.

I know.

Yeah.

Does it look cool?

I can't really say.

I haven't seen it yet.

Even if I could, I can't really see it.

Does the new profiles look good and shit?

It's more design-y.

It's more color.

The picture, big, huge pictures.

Hey, Tuck, all of a sudden there's like tons of background noise.

What happened?

Yeah, Tuck has air conditioning.

That would be my air conditioner.

Oh, you're not allowed to have an air conditioner on this show.

No.

I know.

It came on automatically.

so technically it's not my fault,

but actually it is my fault.

Alright, well, turn it off. Take your shirt off.

Can I go naked?

Get naked if you want, that's fine.

Okay, I've been gone naked.

I'm in boxers, you can't see it on the video, but I'm in boxers.

Okay, yeah, that's good.

Alright.

What were we doing, RBCP?

Back on schedule here, because, you know,

I'm trying to get the pony

to connect, but I can't for some reason.

Let me keep trying here.

Are you calling the pony woman back?

Yeah, I'm trying to, but Skype isn't liking her number.

Oh, no.

Does your Skype do this, Carlito?

Does it just sometimes it doesn't want to dial a number?

Sometimes I'll find a space in the number.

You got it.

Yeah.

You did.

It went.

It left.

I was trying some other random phone number just to see if other numbers were working.

Yeah.

Well, did you stop it?

You said it was going through.

Did it cancel?

I'm trying.

Let me try once more.

This show's not going to be very good if I can't dial numbers.

Yeah, if I have to go, I'll go to clear the line.

Well, it was doing it before you.

Here, let me hang up on you, and then I'll call you right back.

I'll do the slamming phone sound.

It feels good to hang up on him, doesn't it?

Yeah.

But it's still not dialing.

I don't know why.

And no space is in that.

Uh-uh.

No, I dialed.

I punched it in manually.

Oh, I don't know.

Try 411.

411.

Oh, yeah.

You know the one.

Yeah.

It's like, what?

You can't dial 411?

The back four 411.

I'm so slow.

I'm going to add this unknown caller.

Okay.

Unknown caller, you're on the air.

He

He called on our show this week.

That's all he does.

That guy's kind of cool.

I like him.

Here goes.

Information seems to be working.

I'll work on the pony thing.

All right.

Fix that pony.

Thank you for using Frontier Communication Solutions.

For quality purposes, your call may be recorded.

State, please.

California.

And what city?

I don't know.

Where's the pony at?

Brad?

I think that's in Monterey, California.

Monterey, California.

Okay, okay.

Okay.

And what listing?

We need the lady with the pony for sale.

Sir?

Yeah, the listing.

What's the name?

There's a listing for the pony.

Sir, this is the operator.

If I put pony in my computer, I'm not going to get anything.

Pony sales.

Put it in.

It's the name.

That's what it's called.

The listing is called pony sales.

I don't have it.

I've got Monterey Pony Baseball, they said.

Oh, man.

Man, you don't know, you know the lady who's selling the pony?

Telephone operator, directory assistant.

I don't know anything about that.

Ma'am, can you check on Craigslist for us?

But I don't have anything.

I've got a pony party by Monterey Bay Equestrian Center.

Do you have a computer?

It's the only other thing with pony in its name.

You have a computer, right?

You can check on the Craigslist.

I don't have internet, sir.

Oh.

I don't have internet.

I have the phone book.

Oh, really?

Because, you know, your job, I could do your job with webpages.com for free.

Okay, well, you go ahead and do that, then.

No, no, you're required. I'm on a pay phone. You're supposed to do this for free.

Sir, we don't search. No, I don't have internet, sir. I have a phone book directory.

Okay, listen.

There's nothing with Tony in their name.

Okay, I'm sorry, honey. Listen, Los Angeles, California, Taco Bell.

Thank you.

What street?

Taco Bell in Los Angeles.

What street, sir? I've got several.

Oh, come on.

I've got two pages of them, sir.

The one with the Mexicans around it.

Please hold to my supervisor.

I'll be off in a moment.

Here we go.

Passing the buck.

I think I managed to get in the chat room here finally.

What's that say?

Connect.

I can't connect to your chat, your video room.

You're streaming that video?

No.

It plays the commercials for me, but then it doesn't play your video.

But it says there's seven people on, so I guess it's just me.

I don't know.

All right.

I'm going to try Pony again, I guess.

Okay.

Thank you.

Where was that?

Oh, here it is.

Man, I just farted really nice.

It's awesome.

Wow.

Because I was on antibiotics and I stopped farting.

Because the doctor told me why.

Because antibiotics kill the bacteria that makes the gas.

Hello?

Here goes the pony.

Hello?

Okay.

Oh, shit.

Oh, they said it's busy.

Ah.

Apparently they're on a home phone or something.

Are there any more horses for sale?

I love horses.

Tuck did send me...

Oh, here it goes.

Ooh, it's ringing.

Yeah, hi.

Is this the horses place?

No, it isn't.

What do you do there, exactly?

This is a business.

We're closed right now.

You can call after 9 a.m. in the morning.

Listen, I was feeding my horse antibiotics.

Hello.

What the hell?

What did you forget to be into?

Oh, that's the same thing.

That's the pony place.

Oh, she didn't want to talk to me.

What a jerk.

Why is she even answering the phone if she's not going to talk to anyone?

I don't know, right?

You're close.

You don't answer the phone.

I'm trying again.

Call again.

See if we can get it.

It says it's busy again.

Yeah.

Okay.

Tuck sent me a, this person is selling an American Girl doll.

which is a popular girl's doll, with accessories including a two-piece bikini and dress.

I've had fun with sellers of dolls by asking questions

with the presumption that their item is an adult-sized object.

Okay.

All right, let's do it.

That should be fun.

I like it.

Another California number.

Nunu sent us some UK numbers, but I don't know about that

because I only have like a dollar left on my Skype credit.

Oh, no.

I mean, I'll run it out for you.

You're worth it.

Okay.

You can still call USA?

USA? Oh, yeah. For free?

Okay, cool. Excellent.

Well, it's only two cents a minute. Oh, okay.

I'm probably fine then.

Hey, can't get to the phone right now. Leave me a message and I'll call you back.

Hang up or call back? Hang up.

Let me try once more. Yeah, yeah.

I don't like leaving messages because I get self-conscious

about my voice recorded. Ever since

the incident. Yeah, ever since.

Just want to mention I work at our new prank call

CD, but selecting tracks.

Yeah, hi. Hello?

Yeah, who is this?

Who's this? You called me.

This is Cross.

I was supposed to talk to you, but I forgot.

Brad, what's going on here?

I forgot.

Oh, she had the doll for sale.

Oh, yes, for sale.

You had the doll for sale, correct?

Yeah.

Okay, yes.

I'm interested in the doll.

Okay.

What quality is the doll?

It's in good shape.

Okay.

The hair is complete.

No split ends.

It's what?

No split ends with the hair.

All the follicles are complete.

Oh, yeah, I think so.

Okay.

All right.

and can you describe what the when the doll was made and what's your asking it's marked um it has

an artist mark on it and it has the pleasant company name on the neck so i don't know exactly

when it was made but i think it's probably in the early 90s okay okay does it is it one of those

that has the realistic flesh the silicone based realistic flesh geez i don't know i'm not like

I'm not a collector.

Are you local?

You've got a different area code.

Yeah, I'll pay for shipping and everything.

Do you have the doll in front of you now?

Hang on, let me see.

I can get it in front of me.

Okay, I've got her.

Pinch the skin a little bit.

Does it have a little bit of give?

No.

It's not flashy enough?

No.

Oh, no.

It's hard?

Yeah, it's pretty hard.

Does it have any openings in it?

Openings?

Like pores?

Uh-uh.

Yeah. No, no pores. Any markings on it at all, like where you can insert things?

Insert things?

Yeah.

No.

Nothing?

What's that?

Well, you know, to stand it up a little bit. You can put it on a stand.

Oh, well, you mean does it stand on its own?

Yeah, but I like to put, I like to, they sell these stands, little sticks with a flat end.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It would go, it would go, I don't have a stand, but it would go on one.

Okay, where would the stand, the hole of the stand go?

You mean where on the doll's body?

Yeah, on the taint?

It's not painted.

Does it have a taint spot?

Oh, I don't think so.

Sorry, I'm not totally sure what you're talking about.

It has a soft body, you know?

You don't know what the taint spot is on the doll?

No.

Oh, the artist's spot?

No, no, no, the taint spot is the part between the anus and the vagina.

They call it the taint.

Okay, I'm going to hang up now.

No, that's where you put the hole for the stand.

You put it in there.

No, there's no hole there.

And then you put your tongue in it and go blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Sometimes, too, it was good.

It was good.

And I said, a doll.

Oh, man.

That's awesome.

Yeah, I black out sometimes.

I forgot what we were doing.

It's like you were explaining doll.

I was like, ooh, a doll.

And you connected.

I'm like, I forgot.

got the tuck said we should ask if it has a detachable vagina i forgot to read that part

i'm sorry yeah but i wanted to mention anyway what i was saying is that i was on antibiotics

and i stopped farting because there was no more bacteria in me um creating uh methane gas through

digestive process and when i got off the antibiotics um i started farting again i'm

pretty happy i was kind of bummed out that i wasn't going to be flatula anymore i'm sure

athena's happy right about the whole oh yeah and actually she was kind of upset yeah that it came

back she was happy for a while anywho hey can we take a quick break absolutely go ahead take as

much break as you want all right i'm out of beer um i can let you go or i can just start up a song

and we can come back after the song um start to start up a song if that's okay with you you want

to do that here goes okay yay all right and we're back manhouse radio the blind episode carlito

uh skype running the servers and you listen they're out there helping us out sending in

requests be sure to send them over to you get them over to new new also in the chat

over to us uh calling about horses and calling uh the back line for uh 411 paid phones carlito

are you still there i am open here it seemed like you disappeared there for a minute oh i was i was

was doing my thing oh okay sorry you were cutting out a little bit i got uh shit shit yeah i'll let

you know if it keeps happening again and then i can maybe hang up on you and call right back or

something yeah and i'll do and yeah if it does it again i'll do the same too i'll restart the

zap you know maybe that's it anyway so we're back as i said sending your request to uh rbcp or new

new we'll get them directed we'll do the call see uh rbcp's running the board today because i can't

see shit because i'm a big fat puerto rican with aids sugar aids rather not aids not yet um what's

going on the chat room are you paying attention to the chat room at all rbcp can you give me an

update what's going on the kids there i haven't had much left uh someone courage just said a

carlito's audio is broken no no it wasn't that bad it was you're just like you know kind of choppy

there for a second okay okay and i don't know there's tons of chatting happening but i just

haven't been watching too closely yeah what i think might be happening is um the skype app

it's connecting via wi-fi on my android phone over here uh back to the router which is right

in front of me but if i move away from it a little i think i hit a spot of interference

ah yeah i noticed yeah so i gotta i gotta stay in a position i this is the uh it sounds really

awesome overall i mean like normally you just sound perfect cool cool except for those instances

okay no worries uh so uh what kind of numbers you got there sir uh nunu has sent in it looks like

three uk numbers and i think you told me that uk numbers are just two cents a minute i have a dollar

71 so that's enough for an evening i guess right yeah that's yeah we'll have to do too many of them

but yeah we can do a few if you want it's yeah okay you're okay with that yeah oh he's just sent

me uh two he sent one twice okay um uh jasmine name and it says that's her cell number she

he likes swimming i don't know what that means but well how was jessmond yeah okay i don't know

where i don't know where he gets his numbers but that's that's all he wrote all right let's try it

hey let's do a quick reset of me and you let's let me just hang up on you and call you right

back because there was echo right there okay you got it all right i'm gonna do the same i'm gonna

log out log back in you got it okay are we back we're on the air all right it's madhouse radio

radio you're home for white people bisexual music i'm sorry no it's it's true i'm sorry i

claim the the bangles right now uh the bangles are cool they're not that bad i remember the

bangles man back in the 80s oh yeah anyway um yeah we just wanted i was just mentioning uh

brad off air here uh bad i'm in the chat room i made it to the chat room under the name

blind lito and uh bass is i can i gotta get really close and i got everything blown up really huge

but he's explaining how uh blood vessels in diabetics will uh your eyes actually grow these

weird retarded blood vessels and then they'll become weak and bleed that's exactly what happened

to me in both my eyes at this point my left eye really bad um it actually the blood vessel

exploded my eye became completely blinded and i had surgery where they actually what they did was

they drilled a hole into my left eye they drained all the gel that's naturally in your eye that was

full of blood they drained all that and then they lasered the inside of my eye to get rid of all

those blood vessels then they filled my eye up with saline holy crap to replace the gel that

it took out when was all this this was uh four weeks ago four weeks ago yeah so that's why i

can't see it in my left eye yet it takes it takes several up to two months for that to heal but i'm

just about able to see through that eye but then what happened friday was the other eye um had a

bleeding event. A blood vessel

leaked in that eye, and that's what left me

to the point where I can't read anymore.

Yeah, but

luckily, that wasn't as severe

as an optical

vessel explosion,

and it's already clearing on its

own. It's a surgery

intervention, surgical intervention,

so for the time being,

I'm okay. We'll see. Anyway.

And you're getting better.

You're not getting worse.

I'm seeing things here and there again.

Hey, Tuck, how you doing?

Hey!

What's up?

Sorry I hung up on you.

Well, I mean, you hung up on me, and what can I tell you?

It's Carlito's fault.

Yeah, it's Carlito's fault.

Blame Carlito.

Blame the good blind guy.

I blame Carlito for me.

I blame you for my...

You blame me for a lot, sir.

Anyway.

So, what do we got?

Is it UK numbers?

We got UK numbers, is it?

Yeah, I've got that one.

It's Jesamin Sayer from the UK.

It's her cell phone number, and she likes swimming.

another thing, Tuck

under the screen name he's in

how much credit do I have, 4 bucks Tuck

is that what I got left there

yeah, 4 bucks and change

Tuck can

conference numbers also

if you run out for some reason

I'm just concerned about his quality

he's on DSL

I don't mind using up all my credits

I never use them for anything else

it's a good cause

it's not like you run

do prank shows

Yeah, that's true.

I don't think you need them.

Well, here goes.

I'll make that.

Anyway, okay.

Here goes.

Jesamin Sayer is the name.

Jesamin Sayer.

Gotcha.

10-4.

Should we all join in, or should we just...

You should mute when you're not joining in, because of your background noise.

Good point.

You are beautiful.

Jesamin?

Hi.

Yes.

Yes, hi.

I'm calling with a message for you.

It was brought to you by a secret messenger.

It's that you're beautiful, okay?

Hey.

okay now are you swimming anytime soon maybe okay we i want you to know that when you're swimming

that you're beautiful despite everything and you may not be able to see anymore you may grow blood

vessels in your eyes and they'll explode and the blood will fill your eye and your virtuous fluid

and they'll have to insert a needle in your eye and drain all the virtuous gel

and perform laser micro coagulation in your eye and fill it up with saline and then you'll have

have to go for four weeks without being able to see right but even through all that you're still

beautiful okay okay okay huh i'm dr ho okay and and i'm also on the line with daniel faraday he's

a doctor also he's a mathematician good evening ma'am okay he's a leading mathematician in chaos

theory listen um i want you also want you to know that sailing takes you away don't always think

think about swimming sailing can also take you away and the candles will set you free

okay you know the not the short fat candles but you know the long candles they feel like a penis

when you put inside your vagina and you put put them in and out and the vagina will actually um

contract and expand as you do it with me i'm really curious right now have you ever tried

that i did a girlfriend once and we actually lit the candle while i did it it was hot do you like

swimming you really like swimming huh what are you doing yeah are you excited a little bit you

sound a little excited it's cool what are you wearing come on i'm just i'm an american come

on just be a little naughty with me please i'm feeling a little randy yeah i look like you know

i look like brad pitt do you like that you like brad pitt whoa hey well i get your little phone

head come on come on girl what's up come on girl huh come on it's christopher cross i look

like brad pitt i got muscles okay i can bench press to it i bench press 250 pounds you know

no have you ever had phone sex before on the phone no i told you i'm christopher cross and

i look like brad pitt i'm handsome i'm a handsome boy come on just play with me a little bit it'd be

fun ah lose a patient well yes yeah damn it i don't know she just sounded like she was a little

hot, you know, I'm bothered, so I try to

I don't know. Trying to help her out, you know,

turn your prank show into a positive thing.

I'm sorry, guys, I was looking out for myself there

with that little warning.

It's okay, Mr. Married Guy, we

understand. It's not like you have

excess. That's not cheating.

No, of course not. It's for, it's entertainment value.

It's for the show. It's like when

actors kiss each other

and, you know, they're married to somebody else, and that's

not real. Like in, uh, Bearback Mountain.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Yes.

They were married to two other people.

Yeah.

Totally all right.

Yeah.

It's Bear...

What was the name of that movie?

The Bearback...

Is it Bearback Mountain?

Brokeback.

My top Netflix movie ever.

I watch it all the time.

Nice.

Netflix.

Netflix changed.

Yeah, they didn't...

It's just the show.

They, uh...

What is it?

The DVD service...

Quickster.

Did you see the Quickster Twitter account?

No, no.

Oh, yeah.

He doesn't want to...

Yeah, I heard about the guy.

He's got the account.

It's some just completely retarded stoner guy

that has the quickster.

Oh, forget it.

He's about to be a rich stoner.

Well, not rich, but maybe a few hundred thousand dollars.

You think they'll buy it from him?

I thought they took it from people.

Yeah, they have to.

Well, they got to, yeah.

Everyone's going to be trying to follow Twixtor,

and the next thing you know, he's out there,

dude, that's Cheech and Chul.

Hi, buddies.com.

um hi buddies.com no i don't think so i don't think so buddy i think so you're right i'm sorry

i'm sorry i think so i think so too yeah but i i thought they wouldn't even pay him for it i

thought they would just take it you know they'd file a complaint against twitter and say hey we

own this trademark it's ours he needs to go he he's had it before you don't just come in and do

that but they can't like were you i don't know how old you are actually carlita were you around

in 96 when the internet started getting big and and like all these normal people were registering

names like you know nbc and pepsi and coke yeah yeah but they got they got money for that they

didn't get that no no it was in the news all the time they would just come in and take them

i'm sure some of some of them got paid i'm sure but then other companies were just assholes and

they came in and you know just took it away from them you remember the dot cc thing you remember

that the that top level domain that's oh yeah yeah i think uh yeah yeah i remember that that

That was a scam. You know what it was?

It was Cocos Islands, but

it was Clear Channel that bought that out.

Clear Channel bought the rights to the whole

.cc TLD, and

they were just going to do it for their radio

stations, and they said, oh, let's try to

sell them off. So they would pump

their radio stations

with ads to sell .cc domains,

and they would say, like, the person that bought

Coke.com back in the 90s

became a millionaire. You should buy it, too.

Like, who knows what you can get.

Everyone's going to want .cc.

and I was like, why would somebody want .cc?

Yeah, what's that mean?

It's easy to type. I don't get it.

I could see .tv is kind of cool

and, you know, but .cc.

Get out of here.

Do they still have those? I mean, do they still exist?

Yeah, there's something I used to

rip YouTube

videos off of

.cc domain.

Yeah, that was a big clear channel.

They're still floating around.

Yeah, but like every clear channel

station would be like, you know,

Like in Orlando, it was WTKS.

It was WTKS.cc.

Every commercial break was like, you know, .cc is the new thing.

Call Clear Channel now and get your spot on the .cc craze.

It's the new shit.

I don't know.

Yeah, I remember that.

I don't know.

You can buy your own top-level domains now.

It doesn't have to be two or three letters.

I understand.

You can get like Cactus, .cactus or something.

Oh, no, I didn't know that.

I wonder what that is.

pretty expensive, but yeah, they're out there

now. Jill in chatroom was saying

.cc is mostly used for

URL shortening sites.

Probably these days, right?

Yeah, that's a big thing now, too.

.bit.ly is a bit

looser. Yeah, well, yeah, like

everybody, like I know for, like, the Orlando Sentinel,

they use, like,

I think it's scnt.nel

or something like that now and all this.

Yeah. Well, milk, you know milk

that Kevin Rose

has that new milk thing that he

and he got

mi.lk

it's

he

something

it's like

I think it's a group of

um

venture

what are they called now

you don't know either do you

well no no

it's

it's a conglomeration

of people who just make apps

you know

they get together

they design an app

they release it

they go to the next one

and the next one

and I think their first one

just came out this week

and they just stamp milk on

I don't know

fuck

I'm over Kevin Rose

You know how I'm really over it? I hate to talk about

Twit. I don't know. You probably know

even when I'm talking about RBCP.

I listen to Twit sometimes.

I don't know what it is.

Do you know Sarah Lane? She pisses me off, man.

I can see how.

Well, every time that she starts

that show with Tom Merritt, she

dances to the music.

You don't have

to see her anymore.

That shouldn't bug you.

No, I went in there the other day.

they were starting the show and I went in there

Carlito

will message me

that he's been over on the

on the twit

chat room and they're wreaking havoc

of some sort

getting kicked out and stuff because

he's doing Carlito things

in the chat room

tells me his exploits

well I got banned again

because I went in there and I said

here comes Sarah Lane dancing like the stupid

bitch she is as usual

they uh they k-lined me in the chat in the irc and all i did whenever they do that i just i

changed the mac address of my routers to a different one and i pick up a new ip address

right um i've that's about the fifth time that i've done that now um i just get so so mad so mad

it's like i'm mad at dick de bartolo i went in and said so dick de bartolo hey right and they're

like what are you talking about you're like yeah dick de bartolo he's totally gay right

And they got really mad at me.

You know, the guy from Men Magazine?

I know, I know.

Yeah, I know who he's talking about.

Yeah, he's gay.

He's super gay.

Anyway, prank calls.

I'm sorry, Brad.

I know I'm wasting your time.

You're not wasting my time.

This is awesome.

I'm a part of it now.

I feel so important.

Yeah.

Oh, I did want to...

I'm sorry, one quick thing.

Last week, the Casey...

You know, I had this war with the Casey Anthony thing.

I was going in.

there's negro judge perry and the orlando website and all that stuff and i wanted to mention in the

chat room a few weeks ago someone went in as negro judge and i i caught that after the show

and kudos to whoever that was they were paying attention to the show um but um i they this the

casey anthony family got interviewed on dr phil last week and the orlando sentinel website decided

to have a chat room and i went in there as negro judge perry and i got banned again and i also

the bias's boss my other screen name and people were asking i can't see

dr phil is there a stream of it and i gave them a link to you know that um what's that the final

measure is that what it's called you know the thing where it takes over your browsers and says

hey everybody i'm looking at gay porno i don't know if you've been to that yeah yeah make your

your own custom on that nymph.org or whatever.

I posted, I said, yeah, it's being

broadcast here by Fox. Watch it.

And about 10 people clicked on it and

reported they got viruses because of it.

I got banned from the website permanently.

Well, good for you.

Good for you for getting banned.

I remember, I wish I would have

joined in with you with all that.

I remember all the stories. I wish someone had

cursed you with blindness.

What have I won?

Yeah, that's right, Brad. I kept

involving you all.

they were awesome stories

I wanted to join in but I was too busy

too busy working

yeah

I've got a UK number here

it's called a BBC switchboard

oh fine yes you love me there

alright let's do it

the famous angry lady who doesn't like Americans

yeah

oh and I have

88 cents left of UK

of Skype time so I think it's about over

you might want to not

go too long with this one

Okay, we won't. I'll try.

I mean, I don't care if you go over.

I'm just saying, it might disconnect.

Here it goes.

Good morning, BBC Switchboard.

Yeah, hi, this is Bob Morgan.

I'm calling live from New York City.

I'm supposed to get patched in to the news desk.

There's an emergency here.

I'm on scene.

Okay, what's the story concerning?

Are you calling from another organization?

Sorry, it shouldn't happen.

Yeah, there's the McGraw Hill building's on fire.

They got me here on scene.

I'm supposed to call in and report.

Okay, and do you work for the BBC yourself, or do you work for another news organization?

Are you just a witness there?

Another news organization. I work for UPI.

UPI.

Yes, I'm Bob Moore with the news solver team.

Okay.

Yeah, no problem. If you can hold the line for me, I'll see if I can get through to the foreign news desk. Thank you.

Thank you.

But, uh, it's not in your assistant's mind.

Captain Jinx.

It'll take a long time.

Shit.

Jill says to ask if Building 7 has collapsed yet.

Funny.

There's a new Building 7.

Isn't it rebuilt already?

I heard that was the first one that went up.

Hello?

You guys there?

No, we're not here.

Hi, thanks for holding for me.

Putting you free now.

Thank you.

Hello?

Hi.

Yes, this is Bob Morton from UPI.

I'm hearing the scene.

The McGraw Hill building's on fire.

Where, sorry?

The McGraw Hill building, Times Square, is on fire.

You were told to give you guys a call to report.

Oh, right.

Okay.

What, the BBC Florida desk?

Well, yeah, this is Bob Moore with the UPI. I'm on scene.

Oh, right, okay. Hold on one second.

Okay, there's a building in New York on fire,

and a guy from the UPI has been asked to fire something.

Um, I think that you need to speak to my radio traffic guys.

They're probably, what, they're looking for, like, a 40-second dispatch from you, right?

Yes.

Yeah, that'll be for the BBC World Service radio.

Okay.

So I need to put you through the traffic. Let me just get the extension number. Hold on one second.

Thank you.

Right, I'm going to put you to extension 4906-2.

4906-2, 10-4.

Thank you.

Yeah, hold on one second.

I'm going to try to bob a buoy.

I don't know.

Probably won't be able to get through.

How much change do you have left, Brad?

72 cents left, so it's going really slow.

So I guess we're not in a hurry.

I guess so.

They must have...

Oh, they're gone?

Figured it out, yeah.

Should I call back or not?

They probably figured you out.

Well, no, call back, ask for 49062, that was extension.

Okay.

See if we can get, well, I'll ask, just connect us.

Okay, here it goes.

Good morning, beautiful touch, Bob.

Yeah, this is Bob Morton, I needed extension 49062.

49062, one moment, let me see.

Thank you.

Just need to connect the call, thank you.

Another news, Japan is sending five warheads to Great Britain.

No, let's not start any wars today.

No, no, let's not.

Oh, Jill is saying that.

Oh, they're giving you, I'm, I did, I did say that.

fucking Jill

Jill told you to jump

yeah I know

yeah

hello

yes hello

this is Bob Morton

UPI

sorry hello

can't hardly hear you

sorry

yeah this is

Bob Morton

UPI

I was

yeah hi

what can I do for you

yeah okay

well it's just a radio

radio service

right okay

have you got something

to file have you

yeah the

McGraw Hill building

I'm supposed to report it

yeah

yeah okay

just hang on a second

please

I'm trying to

transfer you to another line

yes hello

calling from

the McGraw

sorry yeah

you're just

yeah

Yeah, if you could just give me your name, your full name, please.

This is Bob Morton.

I'm calling from UPI.

Bob Morton, and where are you, Bob?

I'm reporting live from across the street from the McGraw-Hill building here in New York City.

Okay, okay.

Just bear with me a second.

Can I just take a little level of your voice, please?

Okay.

Just record it.

Bob?

Yes?

Yeah, if you could just give me a little bit of a level of your voice as if you're recording,

because I just need to get a picture of your voice level of that, please.

This is Bob Morton.

Morta? Ah, Bob, yeah. Okay, I got you,

Bob. Stand by, please.

Bob, if you'd like to go in about five or so,

thanks. I'm sorry? You're allowed to go ahead

with your dispatch whenever you're

ready, thank you. Okay. In

five, four, three...

This is Bob Morton with UPI

reporting live from Times Square

in New York City in front of the McGraw-Hill

building, which I'm currently seeing

the flames are currently lapping at the very

top of the building. I was speaking here

with the fire chief,

and unfortunately they're calling for the building to be to come down soon they say that the fire

was started by a blast of wind from howard stern's asshole did you copy that hello good sir sir i'm

calling from you perry the report that the crazy king very much about bob take care bye the crazy

king of mattresses having a special that didn't just happen did it i'm afraid it didn't just

happened uh brad this is i kind of know how it goes sometimes it happens it happens carly did

what just happened did you write down that number that that extension 49062 that's a good thing to

have apparently yeah that's too funny it was i don't think it was live he was recording me though

like to record he's recording you they're gonna don't don't don't no shove it in somewhere in

So holy shit

If you had actually done a real one

They would have put it on the air

Yeah they would have put me on the air

What was it the traffic service

Or the BBC world

It's kind of like

The world news

You know how

NPR does their

News in the hour

This is what this is

I've got that on Sirius

It's a channel

It's a channel.

Sirius Satellite has it.

It's BBC World Service, right?

Yeah.

Quick, turn it on.

Yeah.

But I don't think they're going to put that on.

I think they were going to record and play it.

Unless maybe they did.

I don't know.

Let's call some stocks.

Let's call some stocks to put it on.

Hey, guys, go check here in the next few minutes.

You know, that's all.

Yeah.

I could.

Technically, I could log in and play, but they're not going to.

It's too late right now, anyway.

Yeah.

Anyway, that was fun.

All right, what do we got?

That was crazy.

Yeah.

Let's cause some stocks to plummet.

Let's call back.

No, no, it's okay.

I have 57 cents left, though, for UK calls.

If there's any more, I think that's enough to do a few minutes.

But Nunu has not sent any more.

Except to our callers.

There's a guy.

I'm sorry, what?

Asshole Nunu, that's it.

Yeah, fucking Nunu.

A guy on the chat room, JFK, is Jack.

He says, call this guy and ask for Kimmy, Rene,

Renee, and pretend to be her boyfriend, he'll get pissed.

Kimmy Renee?

Kimmy.

K-I-M.

Kimmy Renee.

Okay.

Yes!

All right, I'm going to call that right now.

Kimmy Renee, you're good.

What?

Time to mute.

Yeah, is Kimmy there?

Kimmy Renee?

Yeah, this is Bob, her boyfriend, Bob.

Hello?

Hey, me.

Yeah, who's calling?

This is Bob, boyfriend.

Yeah, but you gotta fuck yourself.

This is her boyfriend, Bob.

Who's this?

Why you gotta have your phone for?

Hey.

He's gone.

Okay, call him back.

Call him back, yeah.

Brought to you by Carl's Jr.

Hello?

He hung up. I'll try again.

Fuck you, I'm eating.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

One more time.

He's probably turning off his cell phone.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Nunu has sent me another number.

It's another UK.

It's called the Bull's Head.

I'm sorry, what?

Real quick, before we do the Bull's Head.

I was listening to a prank call from the Bull's Head the other day.

I noticed you're playing a lot of

drop some idiocracy in the last

few weeks and such did you just

get turned on to that movie or something

no no I've known about it

since it came out more or less

I don't know we just started

saying those quotes to each other

did you like

it because I tried to like it and I was

a big fan of office space but

yeah the first time I saw it I hated it I thought

it was retarded but like all these scenes

were just kind of sticking with me and I wanted to see them again

and I think after the second or third viewing

I started loving it a lot.

I'm going to try it

because some of the stuff is funny.

I like Upgrade.

That's funny.

What was the president's name?

The black guy? I forgot his name now.

I can't remember.

Everyone uses Brondo

and the guy's Beef Supreme.

I'm going to try to get that movie.

I drove like an hour up to Portland

to go to the only store that carries Brondo

to get them for my kids

because they like the movie so much.

That's awesome.

I got like a six-pack of Brando.

That's cool.

All right.

So UK, what have we got in the UK, is it?

Oh, UK, yeah.

It's the Bulls Head Hotel in Balesworth, Manchester.

Okay, this is for everyone who, excuse me, whoever doesn't know,

this is the famous Manchester pub that we've pranked over the years.

The first Madhouse CD, the first prank call in it is to the Manchester pub.

and on the new Madhouse CD

I did find the new Manchester Pub

prank that I'm going to be including in it.

We've called them a few times. I usually call

them and tell them I'm the owner of the pub and they get

really mad. So, yep, go ahead.

Make it so. Here it goes, sir.

So, so ho.

Yo. Number one.

I'll probably sleep and I'll wake him up.

Someone should send more numbers to me.

Somebody. Send them.

RBCP on IRC.

I saw you're ringing.

it's just the

I still hear

ringing and

it but it's

off on the

display

nobody uh

nobody

Nunu says I

guess calling on

a Thursday is

too obvious

I guess so

even after all

these years we

haven't called

them in about a

year or so

they're on to

us

they probably

just know that

they probably

know that's it

hey um

Brad uh

are you okay

to take a break

and you got

you got any

gas left in you

I gotta stretch

my legs real quick

yeah yeah i'm ready for that uh can you you got like a four or five minutes on maybe or

something you can play yeah i'm starting it right now okay cool uh we'll be right back i gotta

stretch my legs use the toilet everyone should do the same we'll be right back thanks brad sure

that was the chipmunks with you had a bad fucking day this is carlito brad carter and the tuck

we're here we're queer deal with it uh this is madhouse radio blind edition i just took a break

i almost fell on my ass uh and i'm still very sore uh from surgery and uh my leg cramped up on

me because i've been sitting in this uh uncomfortable chair from walmart for too long

and i couldn't walk it was bad guys remember you heard me i said i couldn't yeah we were wondering

where is he dying we were concerned and then the eye doctor told me that when i take a shit i have

I have to take it slow because of my eyes.

He doesn't want me to strain, he said.

Take it slow.

And I meant to ask him if I could masturbate,

but Athena advised me not to ask him about that.

But I was going to ask.

That's a good question, right?

Can I jerk off?

I think it is a good question.

You kind of know your limits.

I don't see anything wrong with that.

Well, it builds up, you know, right before you turn Japanese.

You know, the whole thing about the eyes.

You guys are splitting.

It relieves stress.

i think it's such a prude i know she is anyway she doesn't want to put in the work you know what i

mean so uh this is madhouse radio where i just wanted to mention that when i was on the toilet

right now i was thinking about the uh last friday nasa announced the uh replacement for the

constellation project it's a hybrid uh space shuttle uh hybrid plus the uh aries rocket that

they were spending billions of dollars on for nothing um it looks really ugly and it's using

30 year old technology and it still

costs billions and billions of dollars

I don't understand why

apparently before the decade is out

they're only going to fly two missions

of this thing

one of them is going to be unmanned

they're going to have one unmanned test flight

I believe in 2017 and then

2020 they plan to have a manned mission

the official missions

don't forget all the black ops missions

yeah true

but the only manned mission will be one that's going to go

around the moon it won't even land on the moon

nothing at all go to the moon go around um officially officially official yeah have you

ever seen have you seen apollo 18 yet no i i saw the trailer i saw the trailers for it but how

how uh how would how would it be a secret why would there be a secret mission to the moon it

doesn't i it really didn't cover i mean that much only that um i said i forgot why i mean

didn't really cover, I couldn't really

make out why it was secret.

It's just like, it was just, this one

was the secret one.

Did they find a monolith?

For some strange reason,

they had, it had to do

with the moon rocks.

It had to do with the monolith. I heard the monolith

was in it. That'd be awesome if there was a monolith

in there, you know?

I'm telling you, that would be a movie

that would be cool to see a remake of.

I think a lot of people would get upset,

but 2001 A Space Odyssey.

would be a great contender

for a remake.

But I don't give that on touch.

Yeah, you don't have to.

There's no real reason.

Yeah, that's awesome.

All they would do

if they did it now was just

speed it up and piss everybody off.

Yeah, they have Puff Daddy flying.

Yeah, exactly. It would be Puff Daddy

trying to break the hell.

That's right.

Yeah, and the Millennium Falcon would have a cameo

on the background of the moon at some point

for people to see.

They're like, oh my god, Millennium Falcon!

CGI.

I wanted to mention also, real quick

before we get back to the pranks,

you mentioned a few weeks ago in the show

the Blu-ray version of Star Wars.

The Star Wars saga.

I was confused.

I thought you were saying something else.

They took the no

from the end of

Revenge of the Sith

and they added it to the scene

where the Emperor gets thrown

Hey, Chloe, my cat's over here.

Where the Emperor gets thrown into the pit

at the end of Jedi.

Jedi, yes.

Yeah, it looks stupid.

It's so stupid.

Hi, Cat.

Cat's over here meowing up a storm.

What happened?

Cat thinks it's stupid, too.

Yeah, that shit sucks.

Anyway.

Hi, Chloe.

Have we got any prank calls we can do?

What have we got going on?

I've got a few, it looks like,

residential listings in the UK.

Okay.

residential let's wake him up all right here we go do this thing gotta give me a name though

all right this person this first one's name is uh jay jones jay jones jay jonah jameson

um there's spaces or something in the number spaces can't make it dial thanks for working

in there brad thumbs up cory what is it what do you want cat it doesn't like this number i guess

i'm gonna try the next one uh i might need the plus four four one one oh something yeah yeah

Yeah, I did that. Plus 4-4.

I did.

Okay, it's letting me do this one. This one's name is also J. Jones.

Okay.

That sounded like...

Your call cannot be taken at the moment, and you cannot leave a message, so please call later.

I cannot leave a message?

What a bitch.

You're now out. You're not allowed.

Not allowed.

Your call cannot be taken at the moment, and you cannot leave a message.

Damn it. Son of a bitch.

Son of a bitch.

Anyway, what I was getting at with the whole NASA thing is

I think at this point, they should just give it up

and let the private sector, you know...

Yeah.

They already have.

Yeah.

Well, they're the ones going to the ISS now,

but just let them do the deep space stuff, too.

You know, just whatever.

Save the money.

They don't want to be sucking up deep space, too.

Yeah.

I think, you know, when it comes down to it,

NASA should just be in charge of new jet technology,

faster planes

maybe getting some supersonic stuff going on

commercially again

that's viable

and getting robots out to Pluto

in deep outer space

probes and

robots out to different parts

of the solar system

and let the private sector handle

Mars and closer

that's what I say

and why don't we have a supersonic commercial

what's that about?

We had the Concorde

There was one stupid accident

Because of a French continental jet

In front of it

It wasn't even the Concorde's fault

And then they closed the whole fleet down

And never brought it back

It's bullshit

I should be able to fly from New York to LA

In three hours by now

Seriously

I guess it was probably too expensive

I guess that's what it was

Yeah, the money went already crashing down

Anyway

I got a taxi counter at an airport

port it's an it's an international one i don't know where what country this is okay milkman let's

do it this is from cruz careful might be expensive you got to watch out hello taxi taxi hello taxi

machine no what what the fuck that was weird no no cruz has already been at that one oh well

that's like the uh was a family guy the consuela i don't know if you ever seen that oh yeah no no

No, no, no.

She's awesome.

That's my mom.

She's just like that.

No, no, no.

Junka?

Yes, taxi.

We need more lemon pledge.

Yeah, not at the taxi company.

Sorry.

Bye.

What are you?

Fucking racist.

Anti-American bitch.

What a liar.

No, no, no.

We need more lemon pledge.

We need more numbers, everyone.

That's what we need.

Send them to RBCP on the chat room thing.

Tuck, do me a favor Tuck

Try to conference

You're logged in as Madhouse Radio there

Look in the contacts, look for

Do Drop In, that's Charlie

Let's see if you can get that going

It's always a good standby

It should be saved in there

Do you want to call that guy back

And say you're her boyfriend

Yeah, we could try that too

While we're waiting for Tuck

Well Tuck says to come back

Let me out of it

No, no, no

Invalid phone number

Ah, shit.

I called it earlier.

I don't know why it's not working now.

I don't know if any of you people out there are boxing fans,

but Floyd Mayweather had a fight with Victor Ortiz.

Quite the controversial fight.

That's all I got to say about that.

I know you don't watch boxing, Brad, because you don't watch sports.

They're yucky, aren't they?

Yeah, yeah.

I don't like that at all.

Yucky sports.

Tuck doesn't either.

I'm trying to call these other numbers, Nunu,

but it won't let me dial them, and I don't know why.

Fix them, Nunu.

The gas station at an airport?

I bet you it's expensive, let's do it.

Alright, it's an international call.

The gas station is expensive, and that's bullshit.

That's how they get you.

Listen, the gas here is more expensive than it is anywhere else, right?

If I come to return the car?

What?

I came to return the rental car, you understand?

And you charged me more for gas than it was down the street.

It was more expensive here. Why?

The gas.

The gasoline.

Petrol.

The petrol.

You have to understand.

Car juice.

Listen, it's more expensive here where you are than it is in the city.

Yes, of course.

It's not fair.

Because why?

Because I have to bring my rental car back with full tank and you do that, huh?

We don't do it.

You have to do it for yourself.

You do it on purpose, you shit.

No, you have to do it for yourself here, Duncan.

Listen, you know what shoes are?

What?

Shoes. You know shoes on your feet?

Yes?

Kiss my shoes!

What? And something else?

Put your lips on my shoes and kiss and lick my shoes.

Okay, you can call my boss. You can call him after eight.

You stupid shit monkey.

And you can stay for half. Thank you, bye bye.

You're a monkey, monkey whore.

Alright, cool.

Some kind of nasty insult there in wherever country he is, I'm sure.

Yeah, I'm sure.

I'm sure it is

Cause your show's

How dare you say that

And there's fighting words

There in Arab

Arab

Arabia

Arab land

Yep

You fogged my balls

Here's the BBC Scotland

Alright

This is gonna be bad

Alright

Good

BBC Scotland.

Staff of Q Deception.

Hey lady this is Bob Morton

I'm in New York City

I'm calling about the last king of Scotland

Yep the last king of Scotland

You know what I'm talking about

I don't even know what you're saying

Are you speaking English or where are you from

Glasgow

Can you put me through the news desk please

I have important news breaking news

Yeah whatever you say

I still can't

Do you have a translator there that speaks English?

What is your story regarding?

There's a building on fire in the floor.

A building on fire, okay.

What's your name?

This is Bob Morton.

I'm with the New Solvers.

Bob Morton.

Bob Morton on your side.

If you just hold on a second.

Hurry up.

God, they have a nasty accent.

Book of Foos says,

Say, hey lady, like you're Woody Allen.

Hey lady!

Is that right?

I think so.

Or is that?

No, that's something.

Jerry Lewis.

That's Jerry Lewis.

I don't know how to do it like Woody Allen.

You're stupid, man.

Woody Allen's a pedophile.

Hello, Glossy Pop.

Yes, hi.

I'm calling from the McGraw Hill building.

This is brand new.

This is Bob Morton with New York One.

The McGraw Hill building is on fire.

I'm calling, reporting in live.

If you look behind me, you can see the flames are beginning to hit the top of the roof.

Do you know you're calling the UK?

Yes, they told me to come call in a breaking news story here to the BBC.

The UK Glasgow.

scotland yes that's the one yeah okay i'll just pass you over to a new york hold on a second

okay new york 13 cents left oh jesus hello it's hello who's a hello yes this is bob morton i'm

calling in live breaking news there's a barking news song that should be coming in any second now

breaking news this is bob morton the new song is on fire hello yes i'm calling in live from

From New York City, the McGraw-Hill building is on fire.

The McGraw-Hill building is on fire.

It sounds like it's somebody holding a phone to a TV station or a radio station.

Hello?

They told me to call in and make a live report.

McGraw-Hill building is on fire.

Hello?

Yes, the McGraw-Hill building is on fire.

Helicopters crashed into it.

Helicopters?

Yes.

Sources are reporting that it was Marine One.

Breaking news.

This keeps happening.

Breaking news.

Hello?

Hello there.

Breaking news.

Maybe he's still recording.

Hello.

Did we run out of credits?

Yeah, they're gone now.

I think they just left.

It's just like, what the fuck?

They hung up.

We have 11 cents left still.

I probably shouldn't say that Marine has crashed somewhere.

Take that back.

Marine one's fine.

It's on the helipad.

DC.

It's okay.

Just chilling.

Yeah, it was Donald Trump's helicopter.

That's what.

No one cares.

Nunu's giving me another Jay Jones to call.

All right.

For no reason.

There's nothing right now.

Well, then, try to get some...

Fucking Nunu.

Check for...

As long as I'm not losing an eye or something.

And to BT answer 1571.

The person you're calling is not available.

Please leave a message after the tone.

No love, Dr. Jones.

No time for love, Dr. Jones.

So, guys, I'm going to let you go.

I am kind of getting a little ill over here, so...

Yeah, I think I'm done, too.

You want to call it a night there, RBCP?

We've had fun.

We've done our thing.

Yeah, that sounds good to me.

All right.

Thanks, everyone, for tuning in.

This is Blind Carlito, the Blind Pranker.

Thanks to Tuck,

Nunu, everyone who listened tonight,

and RBCP, of course,

for helping out. It's been emotional.

Thank you, sir. We had fun.

Hi, buddy.

Carlito,

get better there, brother.

I'm working on it.

MadhouseLive.com and, of course,

CactiRadio.com and

PhoneLosers.Organization.

Right?

Alright, we're out of here.

Calls (15, 49 min of 1 h 35 min)

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