The Monkey Has an Office

I have to hang up on you now, okay?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

No, I have to hang up on you now because you did that too many times.

You just pulled the panties to the side a little bit, you know?

That was the last time, I'm sorry.

I fucking you.

You ain't got tomorrow in.

Excuse me?

Can you come to the store?

I fuck you, son of a bitch, you.

I'm going to tell you right now, if I see who you are and you're calling me that, I will deal with you.

Will you throw a banana at me?

No, I won't throw a banana at you.

I'll throw something else at you.

Who by?

Who the fuck is this?

Who is this?

You are listening to the House Radio Podcast.

98.5.

No.

Adios, fuck.

You're a fucking asshole, so.

I love it.

Do you hear background noise?

No.

Did I tell you they have a bunch of fans in my house again?

Shut up.

Hey everybody, this is Madhouse Radio.

I'm Carlito, your host.

Thanks for being with me.

It's late to start again.

I started late.

Again.

I don't know why Artie would just want to start talking in the intro.

That's my time to start the show.

He just wants to talk about fucking background noise and fans all right took out for me. What's your problem Arnie?

What do you think about your stupid bag guys?

Why would I want to know about your background fans at the beginning of the show?

I don't know if we could use them in the show. I'm putting it back on mute Artie's back on mute

Time out for being a stupid. I'll take him. I don't care about your fans already fuck your fans

Once you turn on the air conditioner once you use the air conditioners too fucking cheap

No, they're not fans there to dry out the floor the toilet again. Did you clog it up? No?

Um, I had, like, a leak, a pipe leak, a while ago, and they didn't get all the water out

when they redid the floors, and the floors, the wood floors were buckled.

And they figured it didn't completely dry because floors still have finish on it, and

the polyurethane in the finish kept the moisture in.

Now I got big-ass fans.

Hold on, I'm just gonna open up my bedroom door real quick.

Tell me if you can hear it.

Hey, so what?

So what?

You hear that, too?

No, I hear music.

My music's playing.

Oh, yeah, true.

I don't care about it.

Don't talk about it again, alright?

We could use one of those before I'm at the airport.

Don't talk about it, Ben.

Don't talk about it anymore.

I don't want to hear about it anymore, okay?

How about the fans?

I don't want to hear about them.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Did you put up any crags with that?

Carlito, as I said, we're going to be taking your current car request.

Me and Evil Artie, who's here.

Thank God.

What about the milkman?

Milkman?

I called Milkman.

He had a nasty attitude with me, and I hung up the phone on him.

I don't know what his problem is.

Is he on his period?

I called him.

He had a nasty fucking attitude.

Bad, poor attitude with me.

I don't know what his problem is.

You see the milk woman now?

I guess.

You need that.

Bad attitude.

That's just me and you?

For now.

Until I cut you off here because you're starting to get on my case.

You have a bad attitude.

Maybe I do.

So what?

You gotta smoke a bowl.

Having a great week.

I sure should am.

Oh, I have a text message.

Jonathan.

Jonathan?

Hey, Carlito.

Hey, what is the new number to call in?

There is none, Jonathan.

Jonathan's listening.

That's funny.

You know, you impersonated Jonathan.

Jonathan and um he texted in that's awesome okay I guess that's what they want right Artie that's

what that's what they want these people Artie's not even talking anymore he knows I'm upset I'm

in a bad mood right now sorry I had myself on mute I'm not in a good mood and I was in um I got a

text and it said my text message list was tried to go and delete the problems and he got a cheap

ass phone Jonathan says we should call him you want to talk to Jonathan at least a year at least

Let me pull up his number here.

It's called Jonathan.

Maybe he can...

He's a nice guy.

Maybe he can put me in a better mood.

I'm a nice guy.

There are two, but you don't put me in a good mood.

You just piss me off.

I'm a nice guy.

My best, Richie Randall.

They're good.

I mean one.

They're Carlitos.

I don't want to cold out like during the winter and you just lay on the bed.

Please enjoy the following music while your party is being reached.

What's Carlito?

Jonathan, how you doing, man?

I'm good, how are you?

I'm in a bad mood tonight.

Oh, what's wrong?

I don't know, just in a bad mood.

not adjusting well to things that's all not doing yeah we get like that sometimes do we yeah that's

good how you been stranger i haven't heard from you in a while yeah i've just been busy at work

uh hey i'm coming in uh to orlando here pretty soon i don't live in orlando anymore i moved up

north sir oh you did yeah moved up north way up north isn't it's cold up here now

arty's on the line you remember evil arty he's a good fan of yours he always imitates you

What's up, guys?

I'm Artie.

What's up, Orlando?

Yeah, you and Artie should hang out.

That'd be a good pairing.

So you still driving school buses and all that, or buses for the disabled, or same thing you always did?

Yeah, you could say that.

I'm also working at a day program for disabled people.

I'm working with disabled people now.

That's good.

Good for you, man.

I'm happy.

That's a good thing to share with the people, you know, and take care of the people who are less than us.

That's what Michael Jackson would want us to do.

Michael Jackson just wanted us to take care of the little people.

Oh, Jonathan.

Do you go to church at all, Jonathan?

Not right now, I don't.

I don't have time to.

I'm working every day.

Oh, I know the feeling.

I don't.

I don't work at all.

I lost my job.

So, yeah.

Do you go to church, Carlito?

No, I don't have.

I'm busy washing my hair all day Sunday.

When's the last time you went to church?

I washed my hair all day Sunday.

I can't.

Sorry.

When's the last time I went to church?

i don't know christmas maybe maybe maybe christmas i doubt it did you ever go to st

anne's no you know what i think you know be honest i think the last time i went to church

was my wedding i think that's the last time i did go to church last time i went to church

was my grandpa's so my house like a month apart the one in jersey yeah that was longer than me

then that was in 2009 wasn't it that's what my wedding was it's pretty much equal like maybe

Maybe by a month or two.

Your wedding was in May of last year, right?

Yeah, May of 2009, May 30.

This was like beginning of April.

Jonathan, what's up with Syndicate?

Tell me.

Me and Artie were talking about this.

We don't know what happened to Syndicate.

It disappeared?

Do you know at all?

I do not know at all.

I have not been on Syndicate in a long time.

Is there anything else going on anymore of Syndicate?

Any other networks out there?

Well, there's Brickhouse Radio.

Is that like an offshoot of Syndicate?

like people from syndicate that started that i saw it but i don't know much about it yeah you can

say that um it's actually um it's actually almost the same as syndicate but um but i see no

difference with it um okay it's same people same day same shit all right well i had to i tried to

tune in but it's always a recording but when are there shows every night on there or just the

weekends uh just when they can uh they're still uh they're on two different networks they're on

and stick them on some kind of private server or something like that.

On a private server, too.

All right.

That's cool.

Well, tell anybody who remembers me, I said,

Hi, Dino used to always want me to go back to Syndicate,

and I'd go back and I'd do a few shows,

and it was nothing but a bunch of jerk-offs, man, every time,

nothing but a bunch of rude people talking shit,

and I just, you know, I think I did it twice.

I'd get upset, and I'd say, you know, fuck you guys,

And I wouldn't come back

And then Dino would call

And say yo

It's not like that

And come back

You know

We need more people

Doing shows

And this and that

And I'd go back

And it was

It was a bunch of people

Just hating on someone

Who was on you

So

And I was like

Well I don't want to

Get involved with that

And stop doing it

I don't know

This is like a negative

Negative fucking attitude there

You know

I don't know

Miss the old days right

Miss the old days

When it was you know

Nice people

Like me you

And Big Amy Rose

Stuff like that

Big Outlaw

Fuck Big Outlaw

He's a fucking

Fucking fat fucking nincompoop.

That fucking idiot.

He's part of the problem.

I wish he was here right now and stab him.

I'm stabbing him with a knife.

I would love to sink a knife right into his fucking gut.

That big fat fucking ass.

I'd love to fucking sink a knife deep inside of him nice and slow.

Warm, warm rusty knife.

Yeah, I'm in a bad mood, Jonathan.

I'm in a dark place.

You're going to hate me, Carlito.

What?

On how to get into you again.

Oh, boy.

Wicked.

W-I-K-K-E-D wire.

dot com yeah yeah didn't you save it in your app buddy it didn't save no okay yeah i don't i don't

get any look like an irc server i just need you from a new stream or whatever server you're using

oh really yeah i almost i've lost a lot of my vision jonathan here because someone said let's

say this is the wales daycare center colorical clinic in sydney but they haven't sent the number

or someone sending a number in Australia.

That might be something cool to do.

All right, Jonathan, it's good to talk to you, man.

I'm just sorry.

I'm going to not even keep doing a show tonight

because I've been in a funk all day.

I think it all started with Steve Jobs dying.

I watched a lot of the coverage last night

and got kind of depressed.

I don't know.

Did you hear that I went through a lot of medical issues, man?

Like I almost died and all that.

You probably don't even know about that, do you?

I heard rumors about it.

What went on with that?

We heard rumors about it?

Oh, man.

I almost died.

It's just a whole long.

I don't want to get into it.

I don't need your charity, Jonathan.

I'm all right.

I don't need your charity.

I got sick, and I waited too long to go to the hospital,

and I almost died.

It's been six months, and I'm still recovering, really.

So, yeah, there you go.

All right.

Hey, I do have good news.

who's, you know, that cheese boy, Pete, finally retired from the bus barn.

I was just about to ask you about cheese boy.

He's retiring.

Yeah, he retired.

He's been retired for two years now.

Oh, boy.

Wow.

Well, that's good.

That's good to get some time off.

Does he still hate on me and you and all that for all the cheese boy pranks he used to do to him

and shit?

He used to get so upset and mad.

yeah we um me and sean and a few others still uh call him uh every time and he still gets some

man when he hears the word cheese i never understood it man but you know whatever

whatever makes you happy Jonathan he can't say cheese the right way so what do you expect

yeah we called him was like i got i got problem with you because i ain't no goddamn cheese boy

Now I am the shop woman

Goodbye

And he hung up on me

Crazy guy

Well Jonathan

Say hi to your fans and listeners real quick

I'm going to try to squeeze out some pranks here

See what I can solve

I'm just going to say hi to everybody

And it was good to hear from you Carlito

And call me anytime you want

To check in or chat or whatever

I might do that

I've been more talkative to people

Like already here and stuff

So maybe I will call you

I might bring you up on that offer buddy

All right, you take care of yourself.

You don't be a stranger either.

You call me whenever you want, okay?

All right, see you later, Artie.

See you, Jonathan.

Bye, Jonathan.

All right, bye-bye.

Yeah, I just found out about Steve Jobs, like, maybe four hours ago.

Where the fuck have you been?

Well, I don't really watch the news.

I was watching one of my TV shows, and it said, yeah, Steve Jobs died.

And, you know, they come in the middle of the commercial with the thing, coming news.

Yeah?

And it was like, Steve Jobs passed away today, and it was a show from yesterday.

Getting yesterday's news, huh?

Okay, well, that works.

Cool, man.

I was like, whoa!

We'll see.

Maybe Rage Against the Machine can bring me up.

Maybe just make me...

Well, you know, that probably will make me angrier.

But it's the music I loaded for tonight, so we'll have to listen to it.

You guys are going to...

Play Bob Marley.

Bob Marley.

Hey, there you go.

Maybe Bob Marley might...

Yeah, you know what?

Already canceled...

Go to the big board, if you don't mind, and...

Board?

Yeah.

Cancel out the Rage Against the Machine, if you could, please.

What's the big board?

We should do some calls where we call the Apple Store and offer our condolences.

I'm sure they haven't heard any of that yet.

I'm sure that's completely foreign to them at this point.

They have no idea why we'd be doing that.

I'm being sarcastic if you can't tell.

I'm sure they've gotten a lot of that, but we could do that, sure, man.

I'm sure no one calls the Apple Store doing that.

Why not?

I don't know.

They probably got people leaving flowers at all the Apple Stores.

Really?

I wouldn't doubt it at this point

I'm gonna ask if they have any flowers

Dear leader

The North Korean King Jong Il

That's why I left some people call Obama the leader also I've caught that in the past that's funny

I guess Bill Gates offered his condolences.

Yeah, I saw that, and Eric Schmidt from Google did,

and at the end there, Eric Schmidt and Steve Jobs had a falling out as well, so.

All right.

I didn't know he had cancer.

I'm going to say it was about two weeks ago, Steve Jobs came out and said that Google

and the Android folks had copied a bunch of shit from Apple,

like very angrily said it, like they'd copied all this shit from Apple or whatever.

Wow.

I'm so sick and tired of these patent wars and software fights between all these companies.

It's fucking gay and stupid.

Uh-huh.

If you release it, then it's out there.

I hear ya.

That's what I tell my girlfriends after I cum.

And you didn't hear them say anything, did you?

That does it over.

Nice, thank you, Arnie.

You always got my back, man.

Appreciate it.

Nothing like Arnie to make me feel better about myself.

Got Bob Marley, though.

Bob Marley would make me feel better.

Man, I still haven't done a prank call.

I'm trying to figure out how to get...

Um, did you get me a number, or can you...

Yeah, I got it from RBCP.

Can you text it to me?

I gotta go in their face and find it.

Oh, fuck, man.

It's right in my messages.

All right, hurry up.

It's red, and I just gotta go see all their messages, and I think it's the one right after this.

Can I just say it?

I guess. Hang on, let me get the dial pad out of here.

Free advertising.

You think we should use the name Roy?

Right, they're probably used to Roy.

I know, I just see if it works to get them to hang up.

That's what they say when you say the name's Roy.

Stand by, Artie.

Send it to me or what?

Stand by, damn it.

I'm going to turn the screen back on.

Seven, one, five.

I'm going to let you start off, man, all right?

I don't think that's allowed in Madhouse.

I think you can do the first one of every show, right?

I don't want to do the first one.

It's my show.

That's what's allowed.

I don't want to do the first one.

Okay.

Try to make them think that the fans are the...

Work yourself out, kid.

Thank you for calling the Order of the Shock Professionals team.

Talk to them up.

My name is Tyler.

To pull up this special offer, may I have your zip code or postal code, please?

Nine, zero, two, one, zero.

Thank you for quality purposes. This call may be recorded.

Today you're getting the all-new Shark Professional Steam Pocket Mop

with three levels of steam control so you can clean and sanitize every floor in your home.

Normally it's five payments, but on today's call you'll get the mop for just four easy payments

of $39.95 plus free shipping and handling.

What other things can it sanitize?

You're saying what other things can it sanitize?

Yeah.

The steam mop is designed for use on most sealed or glazed hard floor surfaces like laminate, bamboo, hardwood, marble, tile, and stone.

We recommend that you test the isolated area of the surface to be cleaned before proceeding as well as the use of care instructions from your floor manufacturer.

Do not use the mop on wax-polished furniture or floors, unsealed or unglazed ceramic floors, unsealed wooden and wax floors, and some no-wax floors.

In case the surface is treated with wax and some no-wax floors, the sheen may be removed by heat or steam.

Okay, okay, I got another question.

Can it be used on pets?

No, I don't show that it's recommended for use on pets.

I mean, as long as the pet stays in one place, right?

It's not recommended for use on pets.

So to continue with your order, let's get your order started today, okay?

Okay.

I have that down as a yes.

And how many units would you like?

Three.

So you would like three units?

Yep.

Thank you. And let me get your information so we can send this out to you. May I have your name, please?

My name is Roy.

Roy, so R-O-Y?

Yep.

And your last name, please?

Williams.

Lyons, so L-Y-O-N-S?

No, Williams.

Williams, so W-I-L-L-I-A-M-S?

Yeah, you can call us.

Thank you. And Mr. Williams, which credit card would you like to use today?

Well, I'm not sure about credit cards. You sound, um, I don't know, too very much.

I can understand your hesitation. You can mail your che- I'm sorry, but we are not accepting checks and money orders at this time. Thank you for calling.

Could you at least buy me dinner first?

I'm sorry, sir.

We're not able to do that.

Like, maybe on the second date, I'll give the credit card number, you know?

Maybe just say, prank call.

Okay.

I could have sworn he was going to say, crank call.

What do you say every time they usually say, prank?

Yeah, when we were talking to Mark, or who was it a few weeks ago?

Marcus, and then there's another couple chicks.

Marcus, he's like, prank call.

I got a Marvin that sounds just like Marcus.

Maybe they're brothers.

Yeah, they're brothers.

Brothers.

Yeah.

Yeah, usually they're a fucking piece of shit, right?

Yeah, it's usually a throwaway.

That's why I gave it to you, stupid.

So it's okay.

Of course.

I only prank for the night.

That's okay, buddy.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to say it that way.

I love you.

What's the number again?

800 what?

768-9115.

Hang on, hang on.

I wasn't ready.

Are you going to call it back?

9115.

Okay.

I'll mute.

Yes.

Mute.

Good work, boy.

Boy.

Thanks for calling to order the Shark Professional Steam Pocket Mob.

My name is Tracy.

Park.

To pull up this special offer, may I have your zip or postal code, please?

It's 328081.

I'm sorry, 32808.

Thank you.

That's 328081.

Yep.

And for quality purposes, this call may be recorded.

Aye.

Today, you're getting the all-new Shark Professional Steam Pocket Mob with three levels of steam control

so you can clean and sanitize every floor in your home.

All right.

All right, so level one is low, level two is medium, level three is what?

I don't have that specific information.

Well, it's three levels, though.

I need to know.

Why are you offering three levels?

I'm sorry?

Can you find out what the third level is at high or maximum?

Please find out.

I can give you the number of the customer service, and they can give you them.

You don't have the product there that you could look at?

I do not.

They don't let you play with them before?

Would you like me to give you the number of the customer service?

No, I want order.

I don't want customer service.

Okay, well, let's proceed with your order, then.

Maximum order, please.

Okay.

I want the SteamShark Maximum.

Okay, normally it's five payments, but on today's call, you get the mop.

For just four, you get payments of $39.95.

But wait, there's more.

It's handling.

Mm-hmm.

And as an added bonus, you're getting the Shark Portable Steamer for above-board cleaning with your order.

Now, this portable steamer, will it work in the car?

If you choose to use it in the car, sir.

Okay.

So we'll include it with your order for free, and it's yours to keep just for trying the Steam Pocket Mop.

Let's go ahead and get it out today, okay?

All right, so then what I want to confirm here, will this get out grape juice?

How many would you like to order today?

I have questions if it'll get out grape stains.

The mop, grape stains, it's a Steam Pocket Mop.

I'm sure it will get out grape stains.

Will it get out grape soda?

Yes.

Will it get out watermelon?

Sure it will.

Will it get out fried chicken grease?

Depends on what it's on.

Well, get rid of black people in the movie theater who talk through the movie.

If that's what you choose for it to do.

All right, so then what I'm going to do is I'm going to turn it on,

and when those black people in the movie theater start talking,

how do you recommend I use it on them?

However you want to use it.

How many would you like to order today, sir?

Would you like to proceed with your order,

or would you like me to give you customer service?

Well, I live in Detroit.

There's a lot of black people that speak during the movie.

Okay, so I'm going to have to disconnect this call.

Thank you for calling.

Do you speak during the movie?

She does speak during the movie.

I know she does.

That was a stupid call.

Thanks a lot, Artie.

Calling.

Okay, yeah, because none of the other shows on this station do that at all, ever.

Well, I want to ask for Marcus.

Yeah, no transfer.

All right, go ahead.

You take this one, Artie, while I group here.

Thanks.

While you what?

Shut up.

It's busy.

Way busy.

And call.

And then we call.

Okay, Lonesome Loser sending in numbers.

And Nunu sending in numbers.

Yay.

Oh, wow, already?

Yeah, already.

That's nice of him.

Thank you for calling to order the Shark Professional Steam Pocket Mop.

May I speak to Marcus, please?

Marcus? I'm sorry, I don't know if we have a Marcus.

Were you just speaking to somebody?

Yeah, I think so. I think that was his name.

Well, I'm not able to contact, you know, representatives that you were just speaking to.

Okay, well, let's go along with the order, then.

Okay. To pull up this special offer, may I have your zip code?

9010.

Okay. For quality purposes, this call may be recorded. Yes, I know the whole

spiel already, but... Okay, what are you calling about? Normally, it's $59, but we'll include

Well, I think it's, okay, let me check.

Four easy payments of $39.95 plus free shipping.

But it's supposed to be five payments?

Okay.

It says four easy payments.

Normally it's five payments, but it's four easy payments of $39.95.

What's so easy?

Yay!

Awesome.

Okay.

What's so easy about the payments?

That's awesome!

What's so easy about the payments?

Did you want to go on with the order?

Is it easy like when...

Yes, please.

Shut up.

Is it easy, like, when the girl comes over, you know, and you just got to give her a few dollars, and she, you know?

I'm sorry, but we can't, um, that's inappropriate conversation.

I thought I was open to engage you in conversation, no?

No, I can't engage in that type of conversation.

I'm sorry.

Are you a trainee?

Who, me?

Yeah.

Am I a trainee?

Yeah.

No, I'm a teleserviceman.

Well, I mean, are you new?

Yeah, I'm new a little.

Do you have pink lips?

Okay, I can tell.

Do you have pink lips?

No.

Oh, okay.

I'm sorry.

I have to keep going with the order, though.

Okay, let's go on with it.

Are there any bonuses?

Yeah, as an added bonus, you're getting the Shark Portable Steamer for above floor cleaning

with your order.

Yay!

Cool.

Okay, well, normally it's $99, but we'll include it with your order for free.

Yay!

That's really great.

Okay, did you want to keep going?

with the order? Well, can't you tell

that by the yeas? I'm sorry.

Um, insurance to keep just for trying the steam

pocket mop. So, did you want to go

ahead and get this out to you today?

Well, I want to know about the warranty. Okay,

just a second. Let me pull that up.

Um... Pull it up.

Pull up that skirt.

Oh, it's a 60-day money-back

full refund. Keep steamer

and call customer service to set up

free return on shipping if you didn't

want it back after 60 days.

What if I throw it up against the wall?

planning on doing that no but i have anger issues i think that would probably be like considered

just destroying it so i'm not sure i'm not sure what qualifies but maybe customer service um if

you wanted that number i could give you that too and no no i just want to order it i think you

should know this right what if i cut it in half yeah i think that would be considered um you know

destroying it also but did you want one what if i did i wanted one hang on now what if i take two

with them i make a cross out of it um i don't know you know i is it flammable is it flammable

is the um is not sure i really don't know about all of these questions the flammability of the

vacuum cleaner um because if i made a cross out of it i can make a pretty good statement

for the colors okay that's inappropriate i'm sorry i'm sorry um no i'll put my yeah i can't

really keep going on with the conversation i won't do it again i'm sorry okay just all right

all right um let me first get your information so we can send this to you may i have your first

name please right does that mean anything to you your last name w-i-l-l-i-m-s is that

okay just a second um which credit card would you prefer to use today um do you accept um visa

Visa Master.

Visa?

Okay.

Oh, it's called Visa Master.

Visa Master?

Yeah.

Is that a MasterCard or is it a Visa?

It's for slave owners.

No.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

That's my friend.

His name is Cross.

Did he say Visa?

His name is what?

No, it's a Master.

My friend who's sitting next to me.

What is a Visa Master?

You know, it's a credit card.

It's one of the biggest chains in the world.

A Visa Master?

It's accepted in more places than American Express.

A Visa MasterCard.

Oh, okay.

Well, what is the number?

786.

4200.

Uh-huh.

9870.

Uh-huh.

786.

No, I'm not done.

5949.

Um, that's too many numbers.

No, it's not.

That's a piece of matter.

And then there's five more numbers.

78420.

Okay, wait.

Um, do you mean like the expiration date and then the CCV number?

No, that's the whole number.

I just dropped it so I can't repeat it.

I dropped under the couch, made out of tinfoil.

Do you want to speak to my supervisor?

Listen, all right, let me explain what's going on here.

You know how sometimes you're just so tired when you get home from being on the phone,

working with these people for so long, and your old man wants to have sex with you,

and you just want to pull up your skirt instead of just taking your clothes off?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

No, I have to hang up on you now because you did that too many times.

You just pulled the panties to the side a little bit, you know?

That was the last time, I'm sorry.

One more chance?

It won't happen again.

Well, after we lost the patient.

Yeah, we lost the patient.

You're so cute, man.

You know that feeling.

I had it going with the, yay!

She's like, okay.

Alright, before we call them back again, Artie, let's do other numbers, okay?

Okay.

Alright, now Nunu sent in some numbers.

Let's play some Bob Marley.

It'll keep me in a good mood.

Yay.

Alright, so Nunu sent in a number for someone with a name close to Steve Jobs' wife's name.

The woman answered.

Oh, really?

Find out when the funeral is.

If she denies being Steve's wife, say you aren't looking to get anything in the will or anything, and she doesn't have to deny it.

Okay.

Whatever you say, bro.

You taking this?

Yeah, you don't mind.

Is that okay?

Yeah, you take it.

Thanks, buddy.

Yeah.

We'll call Milkman after this and see if he's in a better mood.

Let's see if he's still cycling.

Yay!

Rub it in your belly like guava jelly.

I'm just kidding.

Hi.

Is this Ms. Jobs?

No, you got the wrong number.

Well, who is this?

This is Lori, Lori D., Lori, Lori.

No, you got the wrong number.

This is Lori.

Please.

Hello.

Yeah, this is Jobs.

Brandon Jobs, Brandon.

Hello.

What?

Is this the woman?

No, you got the wrong number.

This is Lori D. Jobs.

Please.

What do you mean?

Well, you know, you had the death in the family, and I want to say I'm sorry that the person died.

Look.

Yes?

Don't deny what happened.

It's okay.

I'm not looking to get anything in the will.

I just want to say that I'm sorry.

When is the funeral?

Tell me.

Please be patient.

I don't know what the hell that was about.

I really want some coffee.

Go to Dunkin' Donuts.

No.

Do you ever drink coffee already?

Do you like coffee?

Iced coffee.

Yeah, I like iced coffee more because I can drink it faster.

It's just with the hot coffee, it takes so long.

I never drink hot coffee.

Yeah, I don't have high tolerance for heat.

And then, like, especially when you go out to McDonald's or something,

and it's so fucking obnoxiously hot, man, you know?

I mean, if it's warm, I'll drink it.

Yeah, exactly.

If it's a little warm, but, like, if I get it from a store,

I have to let it sit for, like, 15 minutes

before it gets to a temperature where it's comfortable for me to drink it.

I usually have to let it sit for...

It's a fucking angry man.

And, you know, this...

I know the whole joke about the whole story,

oh, you know, in the 90s, the woman sued McDonald's

because the coffee spilled in her lap and it burned her crotch.

That happened to me on the way home from our wedding,

from the honeymoon and all that.

That sucks.

It happened to me, and I got so mad,

and I punched the dash of the car

because Athena hit a bump

and the coffee went all over my hand

and in my pee-pee.

Athena, I'll get some coffee.

Enjoy the following music while you're partying.

That's the best one.

There's some caramel in it.

Athena's been drinking...

Some mocha.

Shut up.

Athena's been drinking pumpkin spice lattes.

They're good.

Pumpkin spice latte.

Message after the tone.

Hey, jerk.

What a jerk.

Milkman, he's not answering on purpose.

You know that?

Really?

Because he's cycling?

I don't know.

I called him.

He said the drugstore.

and shit and i'm like trying to ask him a question he wouldn't answer me like three times in a row

and i've and he's like i'm the redhead no he was i don't know what his problem is man he gets like

that sometimes it's fucking stupid sometimes sounds like someone in my life yeah exactly i

just i don't know what he gets like that sometimes he gets all pissy for no fucking reason

i'll ask her the question i have to ask it three times before she fucking answers well

tina's been doing that to me lately and i screamed at her in front of her parents the other day

like i can understand that you're thinking but like it's like silent completely like if you

tell me you don't want to answer it you know yeah no athena's been pulling that with me lately and

i i yell at her on her birthday in front of her parents to stop doing it oh it was her birthday

i saw that it was her birthday the other day i forgot to put a happy birthday i didn't know

until just a few hours ago because i saw athena posted on facebook and i just clicked and i see

a bunch of people saying happy birthday well it wasn't her it wasn't a happy birthday i'll tell

Tell you what.

Oh, really?

I didn't make it happy.

I didn't make it.

Did you cry?

Wait, is that the day that basically my call, she said it was your mom?

I don't know.

I don't remember what day that was.

It's all a blur.

That would have been a funny sound clip.

I'm like, your mom.

That was very funny.

And you're like, you bitch.

I was expecting a call from my mom.

She was in the hospital.

She got out today, finally.

Oh, really?

I could have gone and visited her.

Yeah, sure.

Help on you?

Ready?

Shit.

You mean they're darned.

That was my fault.

Yeah, well, you ever notice that?

someone calls you and you're just hitting a button that it also is ignore oh yeah yeah i do that all

the time when i try to ignore it when you call all the time yeah you always ignore my calls yeah

because you're fucking annoying you don't see how many times you can fucking call me today when i

ask you don't call me for now i was scared and i needed help whatever don't do that shit man i'm

getting pissed off with you i'm gonna stop talking to you i'm thinking of like getting some you know

what that might help me right now cocaine it helps anxiety say so all right baz is sending

in numbers also he sent the number to australia he was talking about oh dude there's a food item

i just had today that you need to hear about what is it burger king has these new sundaes dude

that's what i heard and i got like a double fudge sundae it's enormous you know the mcdonald's

sundaes that they've had forever uh yes they're good too it's about double the size really with

this nice badass ice cream and they put actual a brownie chunk in it a couple brownie chunks

Oh, that sounds good.

You need a fork to eat it.

Really?

Yeah, they give you a fork and a spoon.

They got this ice cream place up here in PA where I live,

and it's like a warm apple dumpling kind of ice cream.

Oh, shit.

Oh, man.

It's apple-flavored ice cream, bro.

And then they have, like, this microwaved apple dumpling pie,

and they put the apple-flavored ice cream with cinnamon on top.

Holy balls, man.

Oh, it's so good.

It's good, man.

I'm actually thinking of maybe going over to Burger King and getting another sundae.

Oh, yeah?

I think I should do it on air?

Uh, sure. Knock yourself out, man.

It'll be like we took the madhouse on the air that one time.

I guess so, yeah.

We took that trip. Remember that? That was fun.

I think I was a little bit high that day.

That was the first time I ever smoked.

Standing at 7-Eleven and they had, like, the sexual enhancer things.

I said to the guy, do these work?

You being annoying and stuff, yeah.

Does that happen every time?

Give me a second, I'm checking something out here.

Stand by folks, I'm checking something out here

I'm trying to fix something

I keep getting AOL system messages

You gotta set those to ignore

Ignore them, set them to ignore

I can't, they'll come when I do that

Like sometimes I'll get them every like 30 seconds

For like 5 minutes

Sorry dude, I'll tell you

Can't do nothing for you man

I'm blocking it, let's see if that works

That's what I did to mine, I kept getting it and I just blocked it

And stopped coming in

That's what I told you to do, you didn't listen to me

You just told me you can't

Well no, I did that before

There's like a setting where you can't block that.

If you use Trillion, it actually gives you an option in the settings to ignore those altogether.

Oh, okay.

Is there a Trillion Android?

Yeah, that's what I use for Android.

Can you use Facebook on Trillion?

Yes, you can.

Oh, sweet.

I'll plug into that.

I've been used to eBuddy for a while.

eBuddy sucks.

I used it too, and then I started using Trillion, and it's the best.

The eBuddy app for Android or for something else?

eBuddy for Android is what I used to use.

I've been using Trillion for about a good six, eight months now or so.

So, it's awesome stuff.

I'm just so loyal to eBuddy, you know?

Well, don't be loyal to eBuddy, because it's a shit.

You understand? Capisce?

Huh?

Shit.

It's a shit.

It is shit.

What are you trying to say?

It's a shit.

You know what else is shit?

It might not have been too loud, but it stinks as fuck.

It sounds like it smells really nice on the phone.

Do you wish the phone could convey smell?

Nope, not right now, I don't.

Do to you right now.

Shut up is what you do.

I wanted to mention here, that reminds me of a story.

I used to work for this bank, and they had these kiosks inside of Winn-Dixie.

Remember Winn-Dixie?

Well, you know Winn-Dixie.

No, I've never been to Winn-Dixie.

Whatever, dumbass.

You got to go to Winn-Dixie right down the street from where I live.

Anyway, so they had these banks in these Winn-Dixies.

They're grocery stores, but the banks weren't like traditional banks where there was a teller and stuff.

It was like an over-the-phone bank, an internet bank only.

so instead of the teller they had a phone that you could use for free and i would call the call

center from the phones anyway so i used to work for this bank and i quit and it was a really shitty

place to work at this is years ago this is back 2000 2001 that i worked there and um one time i

think i was driving around and um i thought it'd be funny to take the phone and i called it you

just pick it up when a call straight to the call center and some girl answered and she's like

like hello thanks for calling can i have your account number i said wait a minute and i put

the phone on my ass and i farted just like you did right now and then i came back and i said

i fought it on the phone a little nasty and she goes very funny sir and she hung up the phone on

me all right and then that could be a funny prank yeah but listen fast forward five years later

and my girlfriend at the time we i knew that she had worked at that bank at the same uh just about

about the same time that um i quit she started and um we were talking about the we were just

driving i think we were driving to some kind of convention in tampa and we were trading stories

that we drove by the place and you know the call center and we said remember i used to work there

and she's like yeah i worked there after you and we're trading war stories you know like crazy

customers that we had and she told me this one time some guy called from the kiosk and he put

put the phone in his ass and he farted and he said i farted on the phone and it was disgusting

and i started laughing i never told her it was me but i'm not what do you think she would have done

i'm 99 certain it was me i'm 99 certain yeah and who would have thought i'm pretty sure that

five years later i actually dated that girl uh that's kind of funny is that the girl you're

telling me about yes girl i was telling you about yesterday okay so i was telling you about

Thank you.

Don't say anything else.

I'm sorry.

I was just curious.

You're stupid.

Yeah.

You're stupid.

I'm kind of cold here.

Already it's cold.

It's like in the 50s and shit.

It's like this morning it was like a winter in Orlando, man.

I was like, what the fuck?

I'd love it to be in the 50s right now.

Yeah, it's too early.

And ever since I had my surgery, I get really cold really easy.

It let the gas out of me.

There's nothing better than laying down on cold sheets with a big blanket.

Yeah.

The only problem is you don't want to get up the next day.

You know what I miss?

this time of year smoking pot you're gonna be honest with you like what when it's cold out

getting high or smoking weed i've never really gotten high when it was really cold and you just

started smoking drugs now right well i i did i did i was smoking through this yes i have smoked

when it was cold but i mean it was just like smoking like normal you know you're in for a

good treat now my friend connection anymore maybe i should get some people to say hey you have some

weed you should go for it i'll go to the police station first it would be a funny prank if you

could guarantee that you wouldn't be able to be traced just call the police station say hey you

got some weed i'm sure they do evidence somewhere back there you know i'd be like okay come on i

know you got some in the evidence section give it to me please i'll give you 50 bucks okay but

you can only do that if you won't get traced you know right on bro i need my shit listen let's get

to more prank calls we're talking too much here um i hope you're all enjoying the show to some

some extent. I'm just not in a really good mood tonight.

I'm sorry. I'm trying.

I lost something worse than

Steve Jobs. Nunu says no, but

he's saying nope. He's not enjoying the show? That's very

rude of you. BBC lady wants...

Okay, whatever. Alright, listen.

Let's kill some of these lonesome numbers here

since he's being patient and sent them in.

This one is called The Hotel.

That's what it's called. It's in Scotland.

The Hotel in Scotland.

Artie? Hi, I'm on mute. I had a weird

dream last night. I was hanging out

in the locker room with LeBron James

James and Dwight Howard.

I don't know where

that came from.

What?

I was hanging out

in the locker room

at the Amway Arena

at the Amway Center

with LeBron James

and Dwight Howard

and they both had

magic.

In a dream?

Yeah, I don't know.

We weren't doing

nothing sexual.

I was just hanging out

and having a good time.

Smoking a blunt?

That'd be cool.

I don't think

Dwight Howard does that.

Huh?

I don't think

Dwight Howard smokes weed.

Yeah, they get

drug tested, don't they?

Yeah, not for marijuana,

though.

Well, they can lose

I think that's the NFL

they get.

Hello, hi, this is the hotel reception

Sorry?

Is this hotel reception?

Yeah

Yeah, there's these Jamaican people next door

Do you hear that music?

I'm in 112

Can you hurry up, please?

Is there anyone else there at the desk?

Yes, sir

Are you the only one?

No

Alright, how long will it take you?

Just a couple minutes, sir

Alright, well hurry up, please

I want you to report here post-haste

Let's see what you think is on his way.

Let's call him back to make sure I know what's important.

Why would I bring me a medium drink?

Don't you hate that?

I said I'm on my way out.

I'm on my way.

Can I help you?

Yes, can you put me through to 112, please?

Yes, apparently my colleague is just coming up.

I'm sorry?

Sorry, my colleague is just going upstairs now.

No, no, no, I need to speak with 112.

Oh, you need to speak with 112, sorry.

Just a second, I was trying to call you.

There you go.

Shut up, Artie.

Shut up.

Calling somebody.

Sorry, um, there actually is no one in 112.

I'm sorry, what?

There is no room 112. There's 1-1-1. There's 1-1-1 and then it jumps to 1-13. There's no room 112.

There's no room 112? You just figured that out?

Yeah.

So where did the person in 1-1-12 that you're talking about, where'd they go?

There is no room 112. There can't be a person in room 112.

No? Okay. I don't understand. You said you sent someone in 1-12. Now you're saying that there's someone in 1-12.

No, I thought someone called down to me to say that there was no one in that space and I called and went up to the first floor to check.

Do you have a room 112, and there's just nobody there?

There is no room 112, no.

No?

So where did that person go?

Can I speak to that person?

What person?

The person you sent to 112.

I didn't send anyone to 112.

My colleague went up to the first floor to see a noise complaint.

Okay, there is a noise.

There's a lot of noise over here.

I can hear the music right now.

And what's your room number?

Put that person on.

Sorry?

Put the person on the phone.

What person?

The person that went upstairs.

What's the tell?

Excuse me, sir, what hotel are you in?

You're on the first floor?

I've just been up there. There is no loud music.

It's on the second floor. And what room number are you in, sir?

You don't have a 112, sir?

They said they don't have a 112.

I'm confused.

Do you hear this music?

I can smell like cannabis smoke, too, coming out of there.

I think they're smoking drugs.

Whatever.

Or do you call them, all right?

No, I need to tell a story right now.

I had the most magical thing happen right now.

Oh, Jesus.

Okay, what?

The entire left from my Burger King order.

From the box for the fries, that box kind of thing that you get on the front, it shows

fried, and up on the back, it shows onion rings.

And I'm like, God, I wish I would have got onion rings.

I'm digging through the fries, and then in the bottom, I'm like, no.

shit. You know, I never

I think they do that on purpose, because

everyone's, you know, a lot of times

you get that onion ring in the fries

and I think they do that on purpose. I think they stick

an onion ring in there sometimes

to kind of promote the onion rings. You don't think they do

that, Artie? I don't know, but they're fucking

good. I really do think they do that on purpose.

They make that mistake

a lot, dude. Yeah, how could you

make that mistake? At least one in every three times

that I go to Burger King and get fries

excuse me, I get like an

onion ring in there for some reason. Huh?

I think they do that.

I think, put an onion ring in there, yo.

I think that's what they say that, too, the guy.

The manager.

Even if it's a white guy.

That's how he communicates to the black.

Yo, put a ring in there, yo.

Put a ring in, yo.

That sounds like a woman.

Make a phone call.

Yo, put a ring in there.

I'll take this.

Okay.

Monroe's Hotel.

Don't do that again, please.

Hello?

How you doing?

What else we got here?

We got a number that a new sent in for Swarly.

studied at college

in a relationship

with Stephen Black.

They live in the UK.

Her dog is named Henry.

All right.

He has that

dollar menu sweet tea now.

Do they really?

They're copying McDonald's, huh?

Yeah.

They copy a lot

from McDonald's.

They're going to start

the sugar-free oven.

They're going to...

Oh, wrong one.

I bet you anything

they're going to start...

Oh, what is it?

Iced coffee's

pretty soon there, too.

I got a feeling.

They do.

Really?

They have it.

It was in the small picture.

Well, no, no, I got one there once, and it was like ice cream and coffee.

It sucked.

What?

I'm talking about iced coffee, iced coffee.

Hello?

Swirly.

Hello?

Swirly?

Hello?

Yeah, is this Swirly?

Yeah.

Yeah, listen, I'm calling about Steven, Steven Black.

Hmm?

He was telling his friends that he wanted to masturbate a dog named Henry.

Do you happen to know what dog that is?

He said that he took pictures of him masturbating a dog named Henry,

and I have a feeling that this dog is in danger.

What?

He was masturbating.

He said that he was masturbating a dog named Henry.

He said, come, Henry, come here, and he was touching his penis.

Oh, man.

That's her dog.

She hung up on me.

We're fucking rude.

You still there, Farty?

Farty.

Dollars and savings in this booklet.

I got up.

No, dude.

Next time when I'm high, I'm going to Burger King.

And here's what I'm getting.

Fucking double Whopper cheese.

Wow.

I haven't had a Whopper in forever.

I forgot how homeless the fucking things were.

You know they have triple Whoppers now.

They do?

Yeah, they've had triple Whoppers forever.

I had a coupon for a double Whopper with cheese with a value meal sent,

like a double Whopper value meal, you know?

Wow, you can put them together and make a quad.

You can go, there's something they call,

I think it's like a five-patty Whopper you can ask for.

They have a name for it there.

The Heart Attack?

No, it's got a name.

No, you can literally have it your way.

You can do whatever you want.

Yeah, hi, listen.

Do you know who this dog Henry is?

Yeah, bitch.

Have it your way.

Let's call the shark.

I'm going to call the shark people.

Yeah, see if Marcus is there.

You want to take it or me?

I don't know, dude.

Let me get to history here so I can call it.

It was 800 number, right?

That's what you get when you get the black piece of movie.

What was the number again?

800 what?

7-6-8-9-1-1-5.

I wasn't ready.

7-6-8-9-1-1-5.

I have a good memory.

You keep harassing him.

You take this one.

All right, fart man.

Hello?

You there?

Yeah, hi.

Hello?

Is this the lady with the dog, Henry?

The lady with the dog is on the line still.

She's not answering.

She's not talking.

Hello?

Who's this?

They're touching your dog.

Who's this?

This is Cross.

I'm here with Artie.

Hi.

What?

I'm here with Artie.

He saw the pictures of the dog getting touched.

Hi, my name's Artie.

Do you know who Steven is?

He just stopped ringing us at the street

real quick in the morning. Yeah, I know, but

I'm telling you that, Steven, do you know who

he is? Is he, is he friends

with you? Stop ringing us? Answer the

question, I'll stop ringing, stupid.

Yeah, stupid bitch. Anyway,

I don't know what happened. I, I dialed it wrong.

I made a mistake already. I made a mistake. I'm human.

Okay? I'm allowed to do that. I'm not

human. I know, you're not. You don't have a belly button.

But I still make lots of mistakes. What's that number

again? 800-7. Great radio.

Alright, you take this one. Ooh,

Ooh, I have pizza. Yay!

Send me a slide.

On the order of the Sharks' own Steam Pocket Mop, my name is Chris...

How you doing?

I'm doing good.

Great to hear.

My zip code is 90210.

90210?

Yep.

Thank you. For quality purposes, this call may be recorded.

And today you're getting the on-the-steam Pocket Mop with three levels of steam control.

What are the three levels?

You don't?

Well, like, what's the difference?

What's the difference between the levels?

It's like midnight.

I know, but that's...

I'll talk to you.

I'll see what you know.

Well, what surface is it going to be used on?

It's going to be used on drywall.

It's a surface.

Yes, I do.

Oh, you have a good night.

Thank you.

Dickhead.

Wow.

Call back.

I think he's one of the guys they kept talking to.

He was on the line the whole time.

All right.

He's a dickhead, that guy.

I mean, that's a...

Who knows?

I might have...

I might just have drywall on my floor.

Thank you for calling.

You need to pick a different zip code.

Your call is important to us.

Please hold for the next available specialist.

Is this the pocket mop?

Yeah.

Specialist?

Let me take this one.

Okay.

Calling to order the Shark Professional Steam Pocket Mop.

My name is Chris.

Hi.

Pull up the top of your zip code, please.

2808.

Yeah.

Thank you.

I watched a commercial on the Pocket Mop, and it showed that it turned it on, and it

only used, like, a cup of water.

Yeah, well, no amount of water.

You don't have to use anything unnatural or any abrasives.

I can't understand if you would stop eating it when you're talking.

I can understand you.

I'm not eating.

Hello?

Yes, I'm here.

I'm not eating.

Well, I'm having a hard time understanding you.

Okay, sorry.

Go ahead.

Today you're getting an all-new Shrun Pocket.

Three levels of steam control so you can clean and sanitize every floor in your home.

Normally it's five payments.

Today's call, you'll get the mopped four easy payments of $39.95.

Begin handling.

Mm-hmm.

And as an added bonus, you're getting a Shrun portable steamer for above-floor cleaning with your order.

Normally it's $99, but we'll include it with your order for free.

Make sure to keep this for trying the steamer and get this order out to you today, okay?

Let's do that.

Hello.

I'm here.

How many would you like to order today?

Just one.

May I get your name, please?

How many square feet is it estimated for?

Give me an estimate on the square feet.

One moment.

It's about 12 inches.

It's 25 by 12, and it's 12 inches in a foot.

How many square feet is it?

300 square feet, so it covers 300 square feet.

How long the cord is, and how wide the preening pad is.

Okay.

Okay, and how long does it claim the pad last?

And where do I get extra pads from, Bed Bath & Beyond?

I'll be able to go over.

Now, I was wondering, other than water, what can you use in there for cleaning agents?

I can look that up for you.

Is this approved by the American Dental Association?

Stupid shit.

You're recorded, too.

I don't give you permission to record this call.

You destroy all copies of this call immediately.

You're funny.

You stupid person.

I can see you.

Can you really?

Thank you.

You have a great night.

Bye, Mr. Black.

Yeah, really.

That was funny.

I don't think black people are stupid, everybody.

It's just I'm still upset about last week,

where we were viciously attacked by black people on the phone.

Call back one more time as Eddie Garcia.

Do yo.

While we connect you to a live agent for assistance.

Thank you for calling to order the Shark Professional Steam Pocket Mop.

My name is Monica.

Monica, to pull up this special offer,

you may have your zip code or postal code.

3-2-8-0-8, please.

3-2-8-0-8.

Stand by.

Okay.

Okay, and for quality purposes, this call may be recorded.

Standby.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Okay, I'm sorry, did you just say the call's being recorded?

Yes, for quality purposes, this call may be recorded.

Ah, I don't, can I refuse the recording part?

I'd have to give you the customer service number, and you'd have to talk to them then.

Do you have, is there a way to get this number up?

No, unfortunately, I cannot do that for you, but I'll give you the customer service number.

No, no, no, it's okay, then we can record it, it's okay.

Easy, easy, honey.

Oh, okay.

All right, honey.

I'm sorry, baby.

Okay, and who am I speaking with?

May I have your first name, please?

This is Cross.

Cross?

Cross Boy, B-O-Y.

Okay, and what interested you in the steam pocket mop today?

Well, I saw that it doesn't use any abrasives.

It doesn't have any metal parts on the bottom.

Any metal parts on the bottom?

No, the pad over it, of course, it's not going to scratch your floors, if that's what you mean.

Yeah, that's ridiculous, because the original steam mop had that.

The original steam, did you use a steam mop before?

Yep.

Okay.

It came with staples on the bottom and everything.

Staples on the bottom.

Well, were you interested in getting the new steam pocket mop then?

It has three levels of steam control.

It's normally five payments, but on today's call, you get the mop for four easy payments of $39.95.

It's free shipping and handling.

We'll also be getting the Shark Portable Steamer for above floor cleaning.

Normally, that's $99, but we'll include it with your order for free.

Now, this will clean anywhere that the woman goes to clean the house.

When I send the woman to say, go clean the toilet, go clean the bathroom, that's the woman's job.

Anywhere I give this...

I'm going to have to disconnect the call. I have a good feeling this is a prank call.

No, it's not. Hello? This is how I treat women. Please?

Oh, man. I want to...

They're on this whole prank call thing.

I want you to do one of Eddie Garcia.

I don't want to do Eddie Garcia. I don't do Eddie Garcia anymore.

Huh?

I don't like Eddie Garcia. I never liked that as a character.

I can't hear you.

I said I love you.

Thank you for calling to order the Shark Professional Steam Pocket.

Eddie Garcia.

To ensure proper handling, this call may be recorded.

Please stay on the line to continue.

Yeah, they'll never think it's a prank call.

To start your order now, say order.

Order!

Sorry, I didn't get that.

To start your order now, say order.

Shit!

Let's just use your touch-tone keypad until we're finished.

No.

To start your order now, press 1.

No.

If you need to check on an order you've already placed,

press the pass-added bonus.

You will receive the Shark portable steamer for above-floor cleaning,

a $99 value, yours free.

You will get the Shark for...

Fuck you.

Are they not accepting calls now?

That's busy.

Again, do you want to call Zeddy Garcia?

Please hold.

No, I don't.

Live agent for...

Okay.

Keep forcing it on me.

Money.

Thank you for calling to order the Shark Professional Steam Pocket Mop.

My name is Monica.

To pull up a special offer, may I have your zipper pull support, please?

76891.

76891?

Yeah.

Okay, thank you.

For quality purposes, this call may be recorded.

May I have your first name, please?

This is Bill.

Bill? How are you, Bill?

I'm good. I'm ready to put my woman to work.

And the woman cleans the toilet.

Did you just call here?

Huh?

Did you just call here?

I'm sorry, I don't go to work to listen to misogyny, but you have a good day, okay?

I'm like woman, work, and dirty clothes, you know?

Misogynistic?

Yeah, she called me misogynistic.

I don't go to work to listen to misogyny.

Stupid.

Don't go to work at all, Monica.

See if I can get her again.

You want to take it?

Yeah, if I get her again, yeah.

If not, then you take it.

I appreciate you, man.

Thank you for calling to order the Shark Professional Steam Pocket Mop.

My name is Tyler to pull up the special offer. May I have you zip a postal code, please? Yo, what up Tyler?

Hello, thank you for calling for the shark professional steam pocket mop. My name is Tyler

Yo, it's four five nine two. Oh four five nine two zero. Yeah. Thank you very much

And I'm sorry, what was your zip code again? Four five nine two. Oh four five nine two zero. It's an APO yo

Okay, and for quality purposes this call may be recorded today

Today, you're getting the all-new Shark Professional Steam Pocket Mop with three levels of steam control so you can clean and sanitize every floor in your home.

What's so funny, yo?

Sir, please don't use that language on this line.

What's so funny?

Normally, it's five payments, but on today's call...

Yo, yo, yo, yo.

Yes, sir.

Yo.

Did you have a question?

Yeah.

What was your question?

What language are you using, yo?

I am speaking English.

No, but you said don't use that language, yo.

Yes, please don't curse on this line.

Yo, I didn't curse, yo.

I said, what was so funny?

Yo, what did I say, yo?

I'm sorry, sir.

Well, to continue, normally it's five payments, but on today's call, you'll get the mop for just four easy payments for $39.95, plus free shipping and handling.

As an added bonus, you're getting the Shark Portable Steamer for above floor cleaning with your order.

Normally, it's $99, but included with your order today for free.

And it's yours to keep just for trying the Steam Pocket Mop.

Let's go ahead and get this out.

yo does it have a warranty on it yo does it have a warranty yeah it's through your warranty it says

right i show it has a two-year warranty so let's go ahead can i get an extended warranty yo because

i might i might hit my wife with it yo and then you said what if i hit my extended warranty yeah

because if i hit my wife with it yo i already i understand it's a two-year warranty i broke a

dyson vacuum cleaner over her head yo already but i understand we got back together yo all right well

Well, let's get your order out to you today, okay?

Yo, you know that Dyson ball?

The little Dyson's got the ball in it.

Uh, I understand, sir.

I haven't actually seen that product.

But if you're calling today to place an order for the Steam Taco Mop, I'll be able to help you.

Yeah.

So let's go ahead and get this out to you today, okay?

Yo, me and my friends, yo, we drive through, like, the bad part of town.

And we see black people on the street.

And we throw vacuum cleaners at them.

And we say, hey, go clean this, yo.

I understand.

And that's nice, sir.

Well, to continue with your order, let's go.

understand how black people black people clean the best yo age you're disconnecting due to prank

call no it's not prank call i'm sorry i'll stop i really wanted her back she's sweet

remember the first chick she was so like remember we kept stringing her along

we kept making nasty comments and she was like i can't talk like that i can't talk like that

i'm sorry i'm sorry oh okay all right eddie eddie already you take this one if you want

we take this one yo yo yo don't use that language yo what do you say that

what was your name okay that's good man that's good i like that name that's good my brother's

name is orlando i am armando e 92001 eh yeah only five numbers 92001 when you count how many

numbers is that orlando i had a good question for him i was gonna ask him since he was mexican if

Enough of that, Artie, okay?

That was awesome. Hang on, maybe we get Rolando back.

Rolando's fun.

You talk to Rolando and ask him that.

Are you going to keep calling?

Oh, if we get Rolando again.

Please hold while we connect.

I'm going to get the woman again.

For assistance.

If it's the woman, I take it.

Matt.

You taking?

I'm calling to order the Shark Professional Clean Pocket Mob.

My name is Constance.

To pull up this special offer, may I have your zip code, please?

Oh, that is...

Hello?

I just wanted to do that.

I was going to do the big girl thing.

Oh, you're going to do the big girl?

Big Constance?

Anyway.

All right.

No, not yet.

Let it rest for a while, Artie.

Let it rest.

You need to learn.

You just want to talk to girls.

Hey, how you doing, big girl?

I could go for some passion fruit right now.

No, no, you're good.

Yeah, wasn't funny?

Sure.

Hello.

Yeah, hi.

Conlon.

Hello.

This is Conlon.

Yes.

Hey, buddy.

I don't know if you were aware,

but you're making a lot of noise there the last few days, sir,

and I don't appreciate this.

I want you to keep it down, you understand?

Conlon?

I don't know.

Oh, Artie.

Oh, oh, Artie.

Let's try Conlon again.

And he won't even pick up, probably.

I'm trying Conlon again.

He probably won't answer.

Hello?

You stupid old man.

Why'd you hang up the phone?

It's probably to call them wrong and piss off.

Piss off?

I'm disconnecting because it's a prank call.

No, it's not.

At this rate, this show isn't even going in the archives.

It sucks.

Really?

Yeah.

Come to the messaging service.

The person you're calling...

Try them again.

I'm angry.

Hello?

Come to the messaging service.

others the person you're calling is not available please leave a message man you fucker of course

you're not available as your assholes uh any ideas already what else can we do here are there

any lonesome numbers yeah that's what i was calling that last guy okay all right we'll call

another one then feels like an off night it is an off night sir let's play some music maybe that'll

help so why why tuck isn't here man maybe we should call tuck i don't know is he around yeah i think

I think he's in the chat room, isn't he?

I'm not in the chat.

Oh, let me check.

He's on Facebook, I am.

Call him.

Tuck, get your mic ready.

I'm going to try to call you.

Yeah, he is.

He's there.

Who?

It's Conlon.

Yeah, what kind of stupid name is that anyway?

Hmm?

You know how I said he's on Facebook, I am?

Yeah.

He just disappeared from Facebook, I am.

Oh, you see?

Good.

Maybe he's going to sleep.

Maybe I shouldn't bother him.

I ate all my pizza already.

I'm sorry, pizza.

Hello?

Is this a stupid name, people?

I want pizza.

Is this a stupid name, people?

We need a third wheel.

Welcome to BG Onsen.

We need to get a third wheel.

Stupid name, people.

Oh!

Let's call the new number that we called last time.

That's the old number, but now it's going to be the new number again.

All right?

The first common.

The old man.

Remember I called him stupid old man?

Remember that one?

Not really.

Yeah, dumbass.

It was the number before this one we called.

You stupid shit.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

I feel like shitting.

Maybe we should call...

Big shit.

Maybe we should call Soddy.

Maybe Sadi can help us out.

Hello?

Adventures in comic books.

Computers.

Repairs.

That's what they guess I'm like.

Adventures in comic books.

Welcome to the messaging service.

Hello?

Press your code.

Hello?

I don't want to talk to him.

Damn it.

I don't think he's on.

Is he?

Does he have Skype?

I think he has his kids on Thursdays.

I don't know.

RBC people, I'm going to call you.

Let me know if you're available.

It would be nice.

Maybe get some more people in on this.

They're better than I am.

I don't even know who this is I'm calling.

I'm not getting any

answers from the UK

now

what do you use

for the UK

Google Chrome

I mean not Chrome

but voice

or the Skype machine

Netscape Navigator

huh

you don't even know

what the fuck that is

you don't fuck

no I don't

wow I'm so old

already I'm 10 years

older than you

you were born in 1989

yeah

oh my god

I'm so old

what's Netscape

exactly

that is it like a what the apple newton was do you know what the apple newton was yeah he dropped

the apple from the leaning tower of pisa right yep that's what it was that's the newton drop

what didn't he drop a bowling ball and an apple i don't know did you ever have dial-up did you

ever use dial-up internet yeah yeah oh okay well that's good but my mom had a password protected

because he's porno yeah uh so discussion yes hi i was curious about the noise levels there

damn it i may even bring it up if the last time they got upset about it right already i should

I've seen a lot of find-outs.

Yeah, it's my attitude.

I'm not contributing very much to the whole situation.

I don't think I'm helping out the problem.

Let's call the Steam Mop people again.

We can do that.

Or we can call Yang Chao Restaurant.

How about that?

You want to call Charlie?

I knew you were going to say that, and I was thinking that myself.

In just a moment, let's call Yang Chao first, okay?

Okay.

All right, cool.

You still got a cell?

No, I never saved it.

I never do.

I called my doctor, because he's sick, you know.

I thought he said daughter at first.

I was like, your daughter?

My doctor.

Doctor.

I just got out of the hospital.

Fuck you, you son of a bitch.

Hello, hi, Yang Chao?

Yes, how can I help you?

Good, house fried rice?

House soup?

For pickups.

House soup?

House pork?

Hello?

What's that about?

Yeah, hi.

Yeah, how can I help you?

I'm calling for delivery.

No, no, no, for pickup.

Oh, actually, we're close.

No, wait a minute. No, wait a minute. I want to come in and pick it up. You know where you...

I buy it.

Oh.

You want to call you know who's work? I'm kidding.

Why don't you bring it up?

Playing to our restaurant?

Yeah, so I have to make an order for pickup, please.

Okay, hold on one second, please.

You're going to be polite.

I was waiting to make an order.

For pickup or delivery?

For dumbass. For pickup.

For pickup?

For dumbass. Pickup.

Oh, okay. I get dumbass.

Okay, so what did I order?

You have house fried rice.

Yes.

What you do is you take the rice with water, and you put oil in it, right?

Yeah, you put water with the rice, and you put oil in it.

You don't use water with the rice?

You cook it, right, with water, right?

Okay.

Okay, delivery then, whatever.

Well, you just wanted to take order from me.

Sorry, you're too late. You called earlier. Thank you, bye.

Stupid. Yeah, liar.

Did you hear that?

Yeah, I heard I'm gonna hang up on you for doing that shit.

See, I thought-

And I wouldn't.

Interesta?

Hello?

Yes?

Uh, make order for pickup?

We are close already, sorry.

Well, wait a minute. Why did that guy put me on hold for so long? Goddammit.

Artie, you asked for pickup.

Okay.

I hung up already, stupid.

I know.

Yeah, racist.

You know how that came about?

How did it come about?

Oh, I'll have to answer.

answer you what you don't know the answer hello what what are you talking about oh i thought

someone just said i was saying after the answer okay i hung up no how did it come but anyway

anyways basically back in one of the korean war one of the wars you know not the world war

two but korean or vietnam or something basically they were running them over in the jeeps you know

and basically they'd leave tire tracks on the face at some point and they call them and it

would look like a zipper, you know?

Seriously?

I think that's what I read.

Is that what your dad told you?

No, I read it online.

It was on Urban Dictionary.

Pretty violent, dude.

Horrible.

I'm sorry for that.

There haven't been no goddamn Korean War.

My grandfather was.

You know anyone who fought in it?

My granddad did.

Really?

Yep.

On what side?

What side do you think, stupid?

I'm kidding.

I'm sorry.

I don't know if you got some jab in you.

I'm sorry for calling you stupid all the time and all that.

You know, it's just...

I give up making apologies for shit.

All right.

I just wish someone could have their fucking phone on.

Charlie

You takin' it?

I don't know, no, you take it to start out with

Cause they know me there now

They know me there now

Well, you've called a lot too, right?

I'd go for some fresh hot donuts, man

I could go for a fresh hot donut right now

Dunkin'?

No, fuck that, Krispy Kreme, fucker

Where? The closest Krispy Kreme is Daytona, I think

Hello

Hey, man, speak to Charlie

Hi, Charlie

Charlie, Charlie, yes, hi, listen, I wanted to apologize for calling in so much in the last few weeks and months, saying mean things to you, I was talking to my priest and he said that I needed to apologize, because I've got cancer and I might be dying soon of pancreatic cancer, do you accept my apology?

Well, because I call and I give you a hard time and I'm sick now, they said that I might die in about three weeks, so I was calling to say that I'm sorry for giving you such a hard time.

Okay, so you, yeah, you, so you, so you call from where?

Huh? I'm calling from Hawaii.

Yes, may I help you?

Yes, I call you sometimes, and I make you angry, and I say mean stuff,

and I want to apologize for doing that. I'm sorry.

I'm sick now because I've got cancer, and they said I'm going to die soon,

and they said that I should apologize and put my affairs in order.

Okay, and?

And I got sick because I ate the shit food from here that you took a shit and piss in,

And you made me sick

It gave me cancer

You understand?

You're killing me

Okay, what's your name?

This is Cross

So you call from where?

I'm calling from Honolulu

Okay, you know my store?

I think so, yeah

Okay, can you come to my store?

Are we going to talk like friends or are you going to be mean?

Huh?

Are you going to be nice to me or mean?

What are you talking about?

I don't want any trouble if I come down there

I want to be a friend, like a friend

And me and you talk like friends, like men

You understand?

No, I don't understand

Are you stupid? Is that why you don't understand?

I fuck you son of a bitch.

Fuck you, you.

You shithead.

I, I, I, I, I, I fuck you, you.

You got to marry me.

Excuse me?

Yeah, excuse me.

Can you come to my store?

I fuck you son of a bitch, you.

Marry Kong.

You understand?

You have sex, you have sex with man?

Can you come, come to my store?

You always call this number, you know.

Yeah, I know.

That's why I said, I called to say I'm sorry.

Hello.

Ow.

Hello.

A very subdued Charlie.

Charlie, I got a little bit out of him there.

You saw that?

Yeah, let's call him back.

All right.

Did you call the cell number?

No, the restaurant number.

He's working.

Hmm, a little calmer.

Hello?

Yes, hi?

Did you make a noise on the phone?

No, they're not going to talk to me anymore, Artie.

I'll talk.

Well, you just sat there right now.

You didn't say anything.

I'm sorry.

I thought you were taking it.

Talk.

Hi, would you like to make an order?

Yes, go ahead, sir.

Is Charlie there?

Uh, who is calling?

This is Artie.

Artie, okay.

He can order for me.

Yeah, what would you like tonight?

Well, no, I'm from the city.

I need to talk to Charlie.

What would you like?

This is business.

Charlie is very busy, so...

No, it's very, very important.

There's a death in the family.

Very important.

You important call me, or I want to call...

Oh, I have a customer, a policeman.

You want to talk to policeman, too?

Excuse me?

You always call, so do you want to talk to policeman, my customer?

Yeah, I'd love to talk to your customer.

Can I talk to a customer?

Customer is policeman, yeah?

You want to talk to her?

Okay?

Yeah.

Woman.

That's what they're doing now.

They're banging plates.

It's like they're cutting people up.

We got you.

That was funny.

Did you hang up?

Yeah.

Well, they did.

Call back.

All right.

Stand by.

I'll take it.

10-4.

RBCP said something.

What did he say?

I lost it.

Oh, hang up.

RBCP's listening but can't talk, though.

You heard that?

Ah, damn it.

He's too high, he says.

He's too high.

No such thing.

Let's do a Steam chat call for him.

After a while, they put music on, and they come back to listen, and they hang up.

Uh, wait another week.

Next week, next week.

That was fun, though.

I'm glad we got to talk a little more.

Fuck you.

Uh-huh.

You want to talk?

I've seen that scape manuals that use bookstores.

Who the fuck would want that?

Who needs a manual to use a browser, for God's sake?

Even back then.

I'll be right back.

I got to piss.

Okay.

One sec.

All right.

I'm going to take a break.

It's 1 o'clock in the morning.

Why not?

We'll take a break here, and I'll come back, and I'll try to do something, you know, with the phone in my mouth.

That was a funky song.

That felt good.

I was holding that piss in a while.

That's good.

Awesome.

I'm thinking about going to get a sweet tea and maybe a chicken sandwich.

Didn't you just go there, man?

Didn't you just go to Burger King?

Yeah, but it's the closest place.

Lay off the fast food.

Huh?

Aren't you trying to lose weight to get a girlfriend?

I only have $4.

Anyway, I'll be right back in about five minutes.

Okay.

Meet yourself, please, Artie.

More pranks when I get back, I hope.

Huh?

More pranks when I get back, I hope, coño.

Yeah, we'll be back right after this.

I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box, the trapdoor at the bottom.

So when you die, you open that trapdoor at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman.

We'll always make you fun.

Ever.

Make you who you are.

Might be here.

What are you doing for that?

For what, my man?

I like how she's going to lose her religion, she says.

I'm going to lose my religion.

God's going to go up and kill me.

I need a smoke.

Who cares?

I'm talking to you.

I'm going to have no soul sense.

Oakman.

Call every CPF.

Oakman.

In a better mood?

In a better mood.

What's the problem?

Are you cycling?

I called you earlier.

You were in a very nasty mood with me on the phone.

What happened?

You got the wrong number.

All right.

I guess I'll hang up then.

Is that what you want?

You want me to hang up and not talk to you anymore?

Yeah, wrong number.

I'm hitting you with the wrong number.

I called you on the wrong number.

You called somebody.

What do you mean?

It sounds like you still have an attitude problem right now.

Hey, don't start getting lepid-y, punk.

You're getting snippy with me, jerk.

Anyway.

Did he call you a punk?

Are you working or what are you doing?

That's good.

What was the problem?

You didn't take your medicine today?

Is that why you're like that, milkman?

Uh-huh.

Young whippersnapper got an awful lot of lips.

I got to back it up.

All right.

Is he talking to me?

He's talking about me.

He got in an argument with me last night.

What the fuck is all this garbage?

Look, man, I'm in a bad mood tonight, too.

You know?

Yeah?

Yeah, I am, too.

You know, it's even better to tell me, then.

Well, I know.

You want to fight?

You want to not be friends anymore?

Is that what you want?

Don't give me no shit, man.

Whatever.

You don't do anything for me, so...

When's the last time you called me just to say hi?

When's the last time you ever answered the phone?

I answer the phone whenever you call me.

When's the last time you even called me?

I don't see any missed calls.

All right, well, Milkman, you can stay on if you want.

If you want to be on the show, you can stay on if you want, okay?

All right, hold on, man.

I like you, but...

Hey, listen, I'll pray for you more, honey.

I'll pray for you tonight, Milkman.

For Burger King.

How many Burger Kings?

Artie's been...

Artie, don't go to Burger King again, man.

You're just going to kill yourself for that shit.

No, no, I just want to ask them about the onion ring conspiracy.

You think so?

Milkman, do you ever go to Burger King and they put an onion ring inside with your fries?

Do you ever get that happen?

Do you think they do that on purpose?

Bullshit.

I think they did that on purpose to make you want the onion rings, right?

To come back?

There's nothing wrong with mashed potatoes and onion rings.

I want to try that now.

Sounds good.

I'm very interested in the Mustang that you have posted on Craigslist.

Give me a call back, man.

Have you done a Craigslist ad now?

Yes, there's one up.

Yes, there is.

Milkman, there's a Mustang.

Someone took it upon themselves to put a Craigslist ad for us.

Yes, let's do it.

Which I really want to appreciate.

This is Craig Milkman.

Milkman, where are you?

It sounds like those places where they have, like, a whistle on the street.

What the hell is that, Milkman?

An alarm?

It's an insane reaction frequency.

You know, I don't know, Milkman.

What do you think about Mustangs?

Good car or bad car?

Would you own one?

Mustang.

I got to mute for a second.

Good.

Mute for an hour.

Yeah, we got three or two in them, man.

Mute for a whole hour.

Ready?

Mustang's got a five liter, man.

Maybe a little too small, too.

I hate the way that guy talks.

I don't like the way he talks.

I don't like his fucking voice.

That's like the devil, the devil, man.

Why don't you get that megaphone and answer him?

I can't, you know, I can't, you know, I can't find that.

Athena's rose up and now she packed that from the move up here and I can't find it anywhere.

Looked all over for it and I can't find it.

The white devil machine.

The fuck?

Yeah, I don't know.

The fuck?

That's what I'm saying.

That's what I said to her.

I was just like that.

What the fuck?

And I punched her in the face.

What is her deal, dude?

I don't know, man.

She, a bunch of something to make it up.

I don't know what happened to her.

She just, I think she just threw away a bunch of my shit.

And then she was like, oh, I didn't throw anything away.

I didn't throw anything away.

What's going on?

Athena.

I put her in charge of packing up all the shit to come up here to Pennsylvania when we moved in March and shit.

And half of my stuff didn't make it up.

And I got a feeling she just wanted to throw away my shit.

The desk.

Yeah, my desk is one of them.

She's like, oh, I can't bring it.

I can't bring it to the desk.

That was a nice desk, right?

Artie, that was a nice desk, man.

Yeah, I would have taken it.

That's the best desk ever.

Hello?

Yeah, you were calling about a stupid Mustang?

Yeah.

So what?

You want it or something?

Yeah, I have it.

Okay.

You want to get your greasy hands all over it?

Huh?

Do you have it or what's up?

I do have it.

Yeah, it's in the parking lot.

Where at?

The Walmart on Escondido.

You have it where?

On Escondido Walmart.

I got papers.

Where's that, California?

Yeah, I got papers for it.

All right.

Let me talk to my buddy because he's the one that wanted it.

So what did you call me for?

He didn't have a chance to call.

So, you called for it because he didn't have a chance to call?

Because he didn't have a chance to call, yeah.

I don't understand. What do you mean by a chance to call?

What was he doing working?

Whatever. Never mind. Just keep your fucking car.

Asshole bitch.

How do I read her and did...

I don't know how much problem, man.

What's my problem?

I don't know the problem.

I don't know if I ever called Cleveland.

Please leave your message for 702-203-6853.

Man, everyone, give that person a call, why don't you, okay?

I forgot shitty day.

Oh, boy.

I don't know.

We got Milkman on the line here.

He's in a bad mood.

Artie's acting like he's in a bad mood so he can fit in.

I'm in a bad mood today.

Bad mood.

Bad funk.

What's in that number, Artie?

800-

8-

7-

9-1-1-5.

Let's have Milkman talk to him.

9-1-5-5?

No, 9-1-1-5.

9-1-1-5.

He's not paying attention.

He's working now.

He's being a dick.

I'm going to take the taxi cab.

I'll take it. I'll take it. This is mine.

San Luis Obispo.

Thank you for calling to order the Shark Professional Steam Pocket Mop.

My name is Melissa. To pull up this special offer, may I have your zip or postal code?

Hey, Melissa. It's 9010.

Okay, sir. That's 90210. Thank you for that.

And for quality purposes, this call may be recorded.

Okay. That's fine.

Okay, and today you're getting the all-new Sharp Professional Steam Pocket Mop with three levels of steam control.

Well, I got a question about it.

Uh-huh?

Um, how great is it for stains?

Okay, let's see here.

Is it great for blood stains?

Okay, sir, I'll be happy-

Fuck.

Fuck?

Call back. Let me take this completely on my own.

I'm sorry, Artie.

Because you're the perfect pranker.

You're so good at pranking.

I'm gonna ask about cum stains.

That's about bodily fluids.

Thank

you for calling to order the Shark Professional Steam Pocket Mop.

My name is Tyler.

To pull up this special offer, may I have your zip proposal code, please?

42010.

42010?

Yep.

Thank you.

I'm sorry, you said 42010?

Yep.

For quality purposes, this call may be recorded.

Today you're getting the all-new Shark Professional Steam Mop with three levels of steam control

so you can clean and sanitize every floor in your home.

normally it's five payments but on today's call you'll get the mop for four

easy payments of $39.95 plus free shipping and handling as an added bonus

you're getting the shark portable steamer for above floor cleaning with

your order normally it's $99 but we'll include it with your order for free and

it's yours to keep just for trying the steam pocket mop so let's go ahead and

have some questions and what are your questions like what what kind of stains

is it good on what kind of stains can you use it on yeah I show that well

Well, unfortunately, I don't show you specifically what stains are removed.

I showed that with this three-speed technology, it can dust mop and scrub floors for a professional clean.

Do you think it's good for cum stains?

I'm sorry?

Do you think it's good for cum stains?

Agent Disconnect can do the prank call.

Okay, I'll talk to you later.

Artie, that's stupid.

What do you think they're really going to do?

I don't know.

When you say cum stains, they're just going to hang up.

I just thought he'd make it crazy or something.

They're just going to hang up as soon as you say cum stains, man.

I know.

That's a bad idea.

It's experimentation.

You call now.

Okay, whatever.

Do the Eddie Garcia again.

Oh, America.

Connect to a live agent for assistance.

Thank you for calling to order the Shark Professional Steam Pocket Mop.

My name's Nicole, and to support this special offer,

may I have your zip or postal code, please?

Yes, it is 41201.

41201.

Thank you, and for quality purposes, the call may be recorded.

Again, my name's Nicole, and what's yours?

I am Horse.

I'm sorry?

Horse.

Can you spell that for me, please?

H-O-R-S-E.

Okay, and your last name, please?

That is my last name.

Okay, and your first name, please?

Rex.

Mr. Horse, today you are going to be getting the all-new Shark Professional Steam Pocket Mop

with three levels of steam control.

That way you can clean and sanitize every floor in your home.

And I was just wondering, what interests you in our Shark Professional Steam Pocket Mop?

Well, it seems like it would do a good job in cleaning the floor.

It cleans floors. It's good for cleaning floors when things get dirty. Floors need to stay clean for sanitary purpose. The bathroom floor gets dirty when you use the bathroom. When you step on the floor, when you come in from outside, the landing under the stairs gets dirty and you need to use the mop to clean it.

and in the kitchen when you're cooking you drop things sometimes and when you open the refrigerator

things go on the floor and then when you take out the trash sometimes things drop on the floor

drips of food and and stuff come off of the garbage and you have to clean the floor and

from walking around and then you get scuff marks from shoes with marking soles and then sometimes

Sometimes my friends come over and they use crutches, and they leave scuff marks on the floor.

Well, this would definitely be able to help you sanitize.

And then I like to make sure to sanitize all the corners of the room.

And then I don't have carpet. I have tile.

So in the living room, sometimes when you walk around, it gets dirty, and it gets sand and dust and dirt.

And this will use this to clean the floors.

floors and I use this to clean in the hallway and the floors from walking around and it gets a little

dirty and the bedroom it cleans in the bedroom and it cleans in the other bedroom and in the

master bedroom and in the garage will it work on cement floor I know it won't just because

they're microfiber pads but you'd be able to try it out and see if it did I mean wouldn't do any

harm you get uh an extra microfiber pad if it did I mean you try it in like one little spot

If it doesn't move easily, don't continue to use it because then you would not be able to use a pad anymore.

But what I can do for you is just...

Do you use a pad with it?

I actually don't have one of these machines.

I've seen them used, and they do work really well.

It doesn't take very much work at all.

Just press which steam level you're trying to use, whether it be dust, clean, or sanitized.

Would you use a pad?

If I were using this, you would have to use a pad, of course.

So you use the pad.

You prefer to use the pad, then.

I mean, there's no way to use the machine without.

Okay, and how often do you have to change it out to remain sanitary, to change out the pad?

I mean, it depends on what kind of floors you're cleaning.

If you're cleaning a floor just to dust clean it, you can probably use it two, maybe three times,

depending on how dusty your floor is.

And if you're using it to sanitize, you can use one side, then the other, and then switch it to a new clean pad.

Well, the first day, from what I understand, you probably have to use two pads.

But then later in the week, you can maybe get by with only one for the whole day.

I'm sure you can do that, no problem.

It just depends on how dirty your floor is.

I mean, if your friends are over with their crutches and they're over on Tuesday and Wednesday,

then you're probably going to have to use one pad for each of those days, you know?

Okay.

But if there's still something on the floor on Friday, you're probably going to have to use two pads to clean the entire floor.

What about the flow?

Is the flow heavier in the first day?

Disconnecting the call due to the content.

I'm talking about menstruation.

She's probably got it.

it took a while well hang on let's see what lonesome numbers we got milkman what do you

think what do you think about menstruation do you like it are you for it or against it

milkman are you for menstruation or against it i knew that was

do you like that milkman there's some there's some guys that like menstruation

i don't i'm not into it but terrible saleswoman says jill your friend jill's in there jill milkman

Man, I'm talking to Milkman, not you, Artie.

I didn't hear you.

Yeah.

Gore's already gone.

Okay.

I don't know.

He's got a girlfriend that he doesn't like to talk to him.

This girl that I'm convinced has.

You like to have too much sugar or something?

Tell her to shut up.

Tell them to get where they get.

They get where you take them.

You get where I take you.

You wait here.

I got to take a shit.

Tell her, Milkman.

Tell her you got to take a shit.

Tell her you're going to go as soon as you take a shit.

Tell her, Milkman.

Tell her.

You tell your old go-to, you tell your old go-to, he's going to take a shit.

Tell him you're going to take them and they'll like it.

If they don't like it, they can take a shit.

They'll go to the strip club.

All right.

Marty, this is for you.

Burger King, go ahead, take it.

Me?

Yes, Burger King.

Okay, it's your time.

Burger King.

I mean, really, messed everything up, didn't I?

Refall and everything.

I hear a lot of protesting over there in California.

Excuse me.

Is that true, Milkman?

They're protesting in California and all over the country?

Mm-hmm.

They're occupying places, occupying L.A. and all this stuff.

You heard about that?

The people protesting Wall Street and the government right now, they started off.

Oh, yeah.

They were doing Wall Street, now it's spread to other cities.

Yeah, you know what I'm convinced?

I think it's the government.

I think it's the Democrats are trying to incite some violence.

I think they're trying to set up camps, set up protests and riots, violent protests and riots.

if you ask me that's what's going on it's a setup to institute violence against a human

against the population of america all right already here's your other note you're burger

king right take it okay burger king yes it is yeah i was wondering there were put in onion

rings in every set of fries so what was that again do you always put onion rings when you

order fries like put an onion ring into it is that like a conspiracy no it's probably what it

It probably was if I was in an accident.

I doubt that.

I go in there.

What do you mean every time you go in there?

What time did you come in?

3 o'clock, then I was in there.

Then I was in there.

5 o'clock, then I was in there.

6 o'clock.

Yeah.

You know when I came in after?

No, I don't.

Okay.

Guess what time after I came in?

Did you report?

Did you bring that up when you came in?

No, because it's making me so sick.

It's making me so sick.

Sir, do you have a receipt with you?

And then we can go ahead and take care of that for you tomorrow?

Hold on, hold on.

How late are you open?

We're closed, sir.

You're closed?

Why are you answering then?

And I mentioned the phone, but we are closed.

I can answer the phone, but we are closed.

Are you the manager?

I'm one of the managers.

The monkey has an office.

Excuse me?

The monkey has an office.

That's awesome.

I thought he was doing it.

Milkman caught me off guard.

I thought he was doing it.

I thought that was him.

That's funny.

The monkey has an office.

That's the name of the show.

That's funny.

Who the hell was that?

It's going back.

He won't pick up.

I'll call a liquor store next.

Yeah, hi, monkey.

How are you?

Hey, whoever this is, I am a manager, but I also am a human being.

I don't appreciate you calling me that.

Okay, I'm sorry, mister.

Okay, so I'm going to tell you right now.

If I see who you are and you're calling me that, I will deal with you.

Will you throw a banana at me?

No, I won't throw a banana at you.

I'll throw something else at you.

Who, bye.

Throw a shit at me.

You hear me, dog, bud?

Yeah, we'll do it again.

I'll throw a shit at you, man.

Keep doing it.

I'll throw a shit at you.

He's going to jerk off in front of me.

Those nasty monkeys always jerking off in front of people in the zoo.

What's that about?

No answer.

That was fun.

That was good.

I don't have a liquor store.

I can't just fucking, you know, whatever.

All right.

Don't lose your work on it.

I don't do that.

Uh-huh.

We got a Mexican woman answering at a donuts place.

Donuts already.

You know how you make donuts?

Did you know you fry donuts, Milkman?

I had no idea until recently.

I didn't know.

There's a bunch of fried, baked, which are the ones that are like...

Oh, those cake donuts?

They suck, man.

Yeah, that's just...

Yeah, like fries.

Oh, the ones that are...

You know, I found out they're going to have one of those festivals

where they put everything on a stick and fry it.

I'm going to call up a liquor store and be like,

Hey, would you sell to me if I was too drunk?

I do have beer.

Sounds like a funny prank.

They'll hang right up on you.

Hello, Randy.

Yeah, hi.

Hi, I found out that you fry your donuts there.

Do me?

You fry your donuts there.

They come fried already from the plant.

Hello?

Yes?

Do you speak English, woman?

Do you speak Mexican?

Ah, stupid.

What a stupid way to do it.

What a stupid way to do a call.

I do a prank call show anyway.

What's that about?

We got a number for a Hooters girl.

Let's do it.

I have a number.

No answer there.

I went to a Hooters.

Milkman, you ever been to a Hooters, man?

Yeah.

I don't mind, dude.

Dude, I went to one once, and the wings weren't that good, to be honest with you.

And then, like, this chick that was serving me, she insisted on, you know, coming by.

She kept coming by every ten minutes to fucking sit down.

And I'm like, leave me alone.

Like, I just want to watch the Magic Game and eat wings.

And I'm very, like, I get self-conscious about eating chicken wings because, you know, they get all dirty and stuff, especially around a woman.

And, like, it was, like, during the day, and she kept coming to sit down and talk.

I'm like I don't fucking leave me alone

It was just so annoying

It is their thing but I don't want that

I think it's a big sitting down trick

Yeah I know that they do that

I knew that trick and I went

And I was like fuck this is so fucking annoying

If I wanted this I

I guess I mean I should

I almost asked her like

I almost told her if I wanted someone to keep

Some woman to keep yammering at me while I'm watching a basketball game

I'd stay home and let my wife do it

When was this?

A few years ago

Your call has been forwarded to TELUS Mobility Voice...

Huh? What?

Tits.

I got fried pickles. The fried pickles are pretty good, but the wings are, like, kind of meh.

They weren't that good. I wasn't impressed. I was not impressed.

Your call has been forwarded to TELUS Mobility Voice Messaging Center.

She's not answering the Hooters girl that Nunu sent in.

Man, come on, Nunu.

If you're going to send in Hooters girls, you're going to, you know, tease me and stuff.

Uh, Lonesome Loser sent in that liquor store that people already asked for.

Already.

You ready?

Liquor store?

Yep.

Are you really going to ask that?

That's stupid.

Are you going to sell me if I'm drunk?

I feel like talking about, like, the problem I have today.

The liquor store person.

I think that could be funny.

Like it's a bar?

Like you talk to the bartender about your problems?

Yeah.

Take it the wrong, yeah.

You're going to talk to the guy about your anal problem?

Yeah, exactly.

Okay.

I was like, you know how when you have a girl and she keeps her phone off?

I'm after breaking the horse.

Hey, sir, how you doing?

Hey, hey, what are you doing?

I was wondering, I came in there and I'm already drunk, would you still sell to me?

I came in there and I was already drunk, would you still sell to me?

Would we do what to you?

Would you still liquor to me?

Are you drunk?

I'm already drunk.

What do you want us to do?

Well, I just want to get a little more drunk, because, you know when you have a girl, and she turns her phone off all day when she's...

You ever have that, sir?

What can we do? We are here. You want to...

Oh, I was wondering, do you sell to drunk customers, because I don't want to waste the trip.

No, we are not going to sell it to a drunk customer. If you want to buy it, you have to send somebody else.

Well, what if I said sober?

Hmm?

What if I asked sober?

Yeah, whoever. They cannot be drunk. When we are going to sell someone, they have to be sober.

Like, what if I try to be sober in disguise?

Well, you come and try.

If we see you sober, we'll sell it to you.

Okay?

Like, if I trip on the doorstep, can I still look sober?

No.

Like, anyone can trip on the doorstep, right?

Yeah.

I got to go.

I did that sober one.

Do you have Bhenchod?

Hmm?

Do you have Bhenchod there?

No, we don't.

You sister fucker?

Yeah.

How much for MP3 player?

Oh, yeah?

Uh-huh.

How much for MPV late?

Okay.

How much for MPB, sir?

Put it in the garbage.

You put it in the garbage.

How was my drunk voice?

It was all right.

No, you put it in the garbage.

You put it in the garbage.

What did you call it again?

She laughed at that if I actually told her.

You didn't laugh at that.

Because it was funny.

You put your mother in the garbage.

You put your mother, your sister, you love your mother, you love your father, you love your sister.

Artie, you love your sister.

You have a sister, Artie?

Yeah.

That's nice.

You got nice tits?

I'm not even close to them, though.

Do they have nice tits and stuff?

Not really.

I've never seen them.

I wish the monkey at Burger King would answer again.

That'd be awesome.

I'm a person.

You monkey.

You're a person.

I was in there at 4 o'clock, 5 o'clock.

Good evening, this is Moe's Liquor.

How can I help you?

Yes, hi.

Do you sell liquor there under suspicion if the person is already intoxicated?

If the person is intoxicated already, you're not allowed to sell them alcohol, right?

That's correct.

Okay, then why is it that my friend already went over there and he was already drunk?

and he came back with alcohol.

Okay, I'm going to bring your friend,

and then we'll see who you're talking about.

I can't get him out of here.

He's drunk now.

He's super drunk now because he got drunk more.

Hey, babe.

See how he's talking?

Well, I ain't got no problem with that,

but I don't even know what you're talking about.

What's your name?

Did you sell to him?

You sold alcohol to him.

I got a receipt right here.

He came in about an hour ago.

Were you there?

Okay, if it was that,

you're just coming over, and then we can talk.

No, I'm holding you responsible.

What's your name?

Come on.

I got things to do.

Give me your social security number.

I'm suing you.

What are you breathing?

Is that Milkman?

I don't know.

It's not me.

Ew.

What are you doing?

What's breathing?

I don't know.

You guys got...

You're in there breathing.

Dogging.

Do you have a customer right now, Milkman?

Yeah, he does.

Oh, I don't know.

I don't talk to a customer.

Milkman does that to his customers.

You're a good dad.

He goes...

Porn perverts.

I don't know.

Talk to you after the show.

Milkman got in trouble.

he was sitting on the hood of his car looking at women

and going

just like that

and not even smiling just sitting there looking at them

like ew

like a Frenchman

ew

those French are so nasty

let's try to call Burger King again

Mr. Monkey

yeah big surprise

you want to talk to me again

I think I'm going to spend two months

away on hiatus I think

No one can call me

Shut the fuck up

No one can call me

At midnight tonight everybody

I'm not gonna be around

For two months

Alright

It is midnight

It has to be midnight

Ah shit

Not in the west coast

How long have we been on?

What's your friend's number?

Let's give her a call

Milkman

I ain't gonna wait

Till next year dude

Next year

Milkman

Yeah

Milkman

You're so silly

I love you

I'll kiss you

Hello

I'll kiss you in the private parts

Hello

Yeah is this Burger King?

Yes, it is.

Yes.

Do you have banana shakes there?

You heard him?

Yeah, I heard him.

The Burger King's in the bad parts of town closes early.

I know, because the cops will come out too late.

That's funny, though.

He went to answer it and figured it out.

He's up at the end of the day.

You should ask if he was still in his cage.

I mean, office.

You're still in your cage.

I mean, office.

Meh.

Get out of your cage and serve me a banana daiquiri.

Did you sleep in that hat?

I told him he was going to throw a banana at me.

I'm back.

We'll see if he picks up.

You ask him that, Arnie.

Yeah.

Santa?

No, the cage.

I like the cage one.

You use that as a shower cap with all the french fry grease in there?

Ugh.

Think of all the money he's saving on hair products working there.

End of the night.

Oh, wait.

It's the liquor store, Arnie.

Talk to him anyway.

Come here.

Hey, sir.

It's me again.

What's up?

It's me again.

What's up? I can't even understand you.

Fucked up and I want some gin.

Yeah?

Yeah, I gotta get more fucked up.

What kind of gin you want?

Some Seagram's.

Seagram's? You better hurry up, we're about to close in two minutes.

I'll be over there, I'll get in my car.

I have to drive really slow because I'm fucked to wait five extra.

We'll probably be closed, so...

I'll just drive my car through the brick wall.

Okay.

Drive it straight through the front so I can get in.

And you'll know it's me because that's the car that comes through.

Make sure they work well.

I hung up.

Yes, I'm doing it.

Hello?

Nothing.

I'll be back in like a half hour.

Yeah, I'm not going to be doing a show in a half hour.

I'm almost done.

They'll probably be gone, actually.

Well, yeah, because they said they were already closed.

Find out her cell phone number.

Call the McDonald's across the street.

The chair was pretty dead.

Not a lot of talking in there compared to other weeks.

What are you doing in the chair?

Jill.

Kokanee.

MSG3.

Jill, you're being, you know?

RBCP and RBCP.

Kokanee.

Get RBCP to call in so we can do one call to the steam mop.

He said he's not calling in, remember?

Let's hear what he's got.

Cleveland Steamer call.

You want to call the steamer or you want to call for a steam mop?

RBCP or me?

You need a Cleveland Steamer call, man.

You need to call Cleveland.

Let's go with the Cleveland Steamer.

They got the Cleveland Steamer.

What is a Cleveland Steamer?

You know, when you take a shit on somebody or something?

Really? I don't know.

Milkman, though.

Let's look it up on Urban Dictionary.

Do you know what a Cleveland Steamer is?

I do.

Dude, it's kind of like an Indianapolis steamer, but it's just a little bit different.

It's like when it's really cold outside, you know, like, you know, and you're breathing and you're breathing and you see smoke coming out.

Well, if you're with a big ship, man, and you do a big shit, you look down and you see that thing steaming, man.

That's the Cleveland steamer.

And sit down and rock back and forth.

Shit, the toilet.

There you go.

Now, your best, your safest bet is to be on the downwind side of it.

This is Tyler. How may I help you?

Hi, Tyler. I was interested in giving you my zip code.

Return for services.

Okay, and thank you for calling to order the Shark Profession Steam Pocket Mop.

My name is Tyler.

Will it fit in my pocket?

To pull up this special offer.

Will it fit in my pocket?

Matt, how many batteries does it take?

How many batteries does it take, yes.

I don't show that it uses batteries.

And to pull up the special offer, may I have your zip or postal code, please?

90114.

114.

90114.

No, it doesn't come with batteries.

But it's a pocket mop, right?

So it obviously fits inside a normal-sized pocket.

No.

And to continue with your order for quality...

Wait a minute.

Hang on now.

You said what?

Is it made in Cleveland?

I don't show any information for that.

So to continue today, you're getting the all-new Shark Professional Steam Pocket Mop

with three levels of steam control, so you can clean and sanitize every floor in your home.

Normally, it's five payments, but on today's call, you'll get the mop for four easy payments

for $39.95 with free shipping and handling.

As an added bonus, you're getting the Shark Portable Steamer for above-floor cleaning with your order.

Normally, it's $99, but we'll include it with your orders for free.

Well, that one fits in my pocket.

steam pocket mop. No, it won't fit

in your pocket. And to continue

with your order, let's go ahead and get this out to you

today, okay? The pocket mop will fit in the pocket.

Right? But is it made in

Cleveland? Is it genuinely made in

Cleveland? No, I don't show that it's

made in Cleveland. So to get your

order, let's get this out to you today, okay?

Wait a minute. If we want to order our

steamer from you, we gotta know where it's

made at. Okay, what I can do is give you a

customer service number and they may be able to help you

find out where it's made at. Here we go.

Can't you just take a look at it real quick? No, no.

Please, no.

Please don't give me that number.

Don't give me that damn number.

Okay, well, we can't get this out to you today if you'd like,

so let's get this out to you today, okay?

Okay.

How's that down to the yes?

Did you put it in my pocket, Tyler?

So to continue, how many scheme pocket mops would you like today?

Five.

And to continue, may I have three pockets?

What's the matter over there?

Are you smoking?

Excuse me.

May I have your name, please?

You need a drink of water?

Go ahead, honey.

It's okay, honey.

Roy.

First name is Roy, so R-O-Y?

Boy.

Yep.

And your last name is Moore, so M-O-O-R-E?

No, my last name is Roy.

And your last name is Roy, so R-O-Y?

Roy.

Yep.

And what's your first name?

Roy.

Okay, and which credit card would you like to use?

Roy card.

And which credit card would you like to use today?

Let's call it Roy card.

I'm sorry, we can't use that kind of card.

What kind of card would you like to use?

You can use MasterCard, Visa, American Express.

Oh, yeah, it's a Roy card by Visa.

A visa, may I have your visa card number? Four numbers out of town, please.

R-O-Y-O-Y.

He hung up.

What did you say, Milkman? Something you said made me laugh. I forgot what you...

Roy, Roy.

You said something that was pretty funny.

I said something?

Yeah, you said something that made me laugh. I forgot what it was now. Shit.

Oh.

Anyway, I'm gonna ask you what kind of card it is. Tell him to say it's your name.

Say, that's what's on the card.

Why would someone keep their cell phone off for fucking...

Who cares, man?

30 goddamn hours.

No, men don't go around complaining about crying about women all the time, man.

You really need to learn.

But call her.

Call her work.

Grow a fucking pair, man.

Frank.

No.

Can we stalk him now?

Hello, the Shark Professional Steam Pocket, Mom.

My name is Joshua.

Hey, Josh.

Yes, sir.

How can I help you out today?

This is the Steam Shark Machine.

This is the Steam Shark Machine?

Oh, yes, sir.

All right.

That's good.

I like to turn it on and run it.

Put me down for five spaces.

Put me down for five spaces, please.

Would you like to buy five steam pocket mops?

No, five spaces.

I understand the question.

Five spaces of mops.

I want five spaces.

Five spaces.

Yep.

I don't quite understand what you mean by spaces.

You know, spaces.

I'm terribly sorry.

How do you money make?

Sorry?

How do you money make?

Put me down for five spaces.

Five spaces.

Yes.

Okay.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by spaces.

You know, spaces.

Are you dumb?

No, in what context do you mean spaces?

You know, spaces.

Were you calling into place an order for the steam pocket mop?

Yeah, five spaces.

To buy five steam pocket mops.

Yeah, five spaces.

Okay, I'm going to presume this is a prank call.

You have a great night.

Don't do that.

Okay, you too.

Don't do that.

Do what?

The prank call.

I was going to tell you.

That was funny.

That's the steam mop.

I'm going to use it.

You heard it?

The steam mop?

Yeah.

Oh, that was the steam mop?

No.

Where's the Cleveland steamer at?

Take another one.

Jack Matheson.

I'm trying to order the Shark Professional Steam Pocket Mop.

My name is Joshua.

I told you, five spaces.

Okay, sir.

What type of spaces?

You know, pocket mop.

Pocket mop?

Yeah.

You mean like space in the machine?

Yeah, yeah, the spaces.

You mean the pads?

No, the spaces.

Private space?

You know, the space in the box.

What's the term?

Actually, they didn't describe it.

What do you mean by spaces?

Just put me down for five spaces, please.

Five steam pocket mops.

Yeah, five spaces.

What do you exactly mean by spaces?

Like spaces, you know?

Space.

Within the box.

So, the area in the box that's not being used by the steam pocket mop.

Yeah, the space.

So, the area in the box that's not being used by the steam pocket mop.

Do you understand it now?

The phone.

The spaces.

The floating spaces.

Have a great night.

It is not a prank call.

I need spaces.

This is serious business.

All right.

I thought I said I was going to take that one already.

What happened?

I'm sorry.

You want to continue with this?

See how many times the guy will take it?

The blogger number.

This one's mine.

Stop it.

Okay.

I'll mute.

Thank you for calling to order the Shark Professional Sleeve Pocket Mop on Energy Ventures.

To pull up the special offer, may I have your zip or your postal code, please?

32808.

3-2-8-0-8.

Yeah, this is for the Steam Shark Machine Spaces, right?

Steam Shark Professional Steam Pocket Mop.

Steam Shark Pocket Machine Spaces.

It's a Steam Pocket Mop, right?

Steam Spaces Pocket Machine.

Oh, parking machine?

Steam Spaces Pocket Mop Machine.

Oh, yeah, so there's a Shark Professional Steam Pocket Mop.

Steam Machine Parking Spot.

Steam Shark Machine.

Yeah, so there's a Shark Theme Pocket Mop.

and you put water in it yeah and steam steam machines shark pocket machine professional i

don't have it in that same name but i do have it as shark steam pocket mop okay professional sharks

steam adventures in steam yes it's the shark professional steam pocket mop okay is that

what you're talking about steam mop okay shark mops yeah okay um i want to make sure i got the

right one it's a steam machine pocket mop machine that's it's called the shark professional steam

pocket mop pocket machine okay right today you're getting the all-new shark professional steam

pocket mop with three levels of steam control so you can clean and sanitize every floor in your

home normally it's five payments but on today's call you'll get the mop for just four easy

payments of $39.95 for spaces for payment spaces what are you talking about i was

So Steam Machine Spaces and Spaces for the Space Mop.

No, I didn't say anything about spaces.

I said payment.

The Shark.

Steam Shark Space Machine.

Excuse me?

Steam Shark.

Four Easy Spaces.

No, I didn't say four easy spaces, sir.

Four easy payments.

I think I follow.

What was that?

I think I follow.

You think you follow?

Okay.

Steam Machine.

Well, yes, sir.

There's a Steam Pocket Mop, okay?

And then, okay.

Okay, but there's a special offer on the side, right?

Okay, well, I'm getting to that, okay?

Okay.

It's four easy payments of $39.95 plus free shipping and handling.

Ooh.

And as an added bonus, you're getting the Shark Portable Steamer for above $14 and with your order.

Portable, also get the Shark Portable Machine.

Right.

The Portable Steamer Machine Spaces.

Okay, I don't know anything about no spaces that you're talking about, sir.

Is this the space not...

Listen, it's just a Shark Professional Steam Pocket Mop, okay?

Shark Spaces Machine.

Steam Mop Machine.

No, I'm not saying anything about spaces, okay?

I'm saying Shark Professional Steam Pocket Mop.

Can you say it a little slower?

Shark Steam Machine Spaces Mop.

No, you keep saying stuff that I'm not saying, okay?

Pocket, machine, spaces, mop, steam.

Okay, well, maybe you called the wrong number.

No, this is Steam Shark Professional Mop.

Okay, yep, that's what it is.

Okay.

No spaces.

Spaces?

No spaces.

Okay.

Okay?

All right.

So let's go ahead and get this out to you today, okay?

Let's.

You say yes?

Let's.

I do have that as a yes.

Horse.

And you just want one, right?

Horse.

I have that as one.

Horse.

What was that?

Horse.

You want four of them?

I want a horse.

A horse?

Steam Machine Spaces Mop.

Okay.

I want one Steam Shark and three Machine Space Mops.

Get a professional Steam Pocket Mop, okay?

One of those.

With?

And three Machine Space Pocket Machines.

You said three of them or three?

One Steam Shark Pocket Professional Machine.

And three Steam Portable Machine Spaces.

No, you can't get three of them.

It's just one of them.

Four easy spaces.

It has four spaces.

It's four easy payments.

Three settings, four spaces.

Okay, I don't understand what you're talking about.

I don't.

I'm supposed to do your job for you.

I don't understand.

No, you're not doing my job at all.

I'm calling India here.

And tell you what you're getting, but you're trying to tell me that it's something else that it's not.

That's the problem with this country now.

Now, when you call or buy something, they send you to India now to get help on the phone.

Well, listen, sir, I'm just trying to tell you what you're getting, and you're keep saying something else.

Can you put me through to someone in America to make the order?

Well, this is America, and I am from America.

Okay, whatever. All right.

Okay.

All right, Miss Indian. Okay.

Where are you from?

Okay, are we calling a placement order or what?

I'm playing placement order, yes.

All right, let's get straight down to business, and I'll take my chance down.

I'm sorry. Is this a prank call? Because I'm hanging out.

Now it is, because Artie can't shut up.

Artie can't sit there and shut up.

All right, well, if you're going to talk like that, I'll be forced to disconnect, okay?

I'll bring you your tits, honey.

Okay, goodbye.

Goodbye, nice to meet you.

I'll lift you up like that.

That was perfect milk.

Milk for, like, some sassy.

I'll bring you your tits, honey.

You know what's on Milkman's mind?

You know what they call him, the Milkman?

Back, I have an idea.

That's funny.

I was just going to say, Hulk.

Oh, she's going to say, she just wanted to correct me.

I find with black women, when I do the spaces and machines,

they make it their mission for me to understand.

They won't keep you on until you give in, man.

Get it right.

This motherfucker won't get it right.

That was funny, the two calls I got for spaces.

I guess you're, okay.

Yeah, most white people are like, whatever, okay.

Or they'll hang up.

Black girls will be like, no, you're not listening.

Listen, I'm not saying spaces.

That was shit that I was talking to.

I don't like that.

We got to play that call.

I'm just too late now, Milkman.

I don't have it set up for instant replays anymore.

It sucks.

I know.

I'm taking it.

Next week, I'm going to have replays.

Who's taking it?

Milkman, you take it.

No, I am.

Hey, thank you for calling to order this sharp, professional, stained pocket mop.

My name is Zora.

To pull up this special offer, may I get your zip code?

Oh.

Yes.

Awesome.

Very stupid.

Milkman, I'm taking the next one.

Is it bad that I've been using coupons at Burger King?

No.

Milkman, you want to do one?

You want to order a mop?

For, like, free shit?

Shut up.

You want to do a mop?

You keep on doing them, man.

I'll help you.

I want you to order a mop, Milkman, please.

Tell them about the 90-minute tapes and 120-minute tapes.

No stay-in-pocket mop.

My name is Calvin.

To pull up this special offer, may I have your zip code, please?

Hello, Monkey.

It is 32825.

Would you, sir?

32825.

What?

Yes, sir.

All may be recorded.

Okay.

Today, you're getting the all-new Shock Professional Steam Pocket Mop.

Three levels of steam control so you can clean and sanitize every floor in your home.

Normally, it's five payments.

Today's call, you get the mop floor, just four easy payments of $39.95.

Four spaces of $49.99.

Payments of $39.95.

Spaces.

Plus free shipping and handling.

And as an added bonus, you're getting the Shock Professional Steamer for all the floor cleaning.

Now, the steam...

Normally it sells for $99, but we'll offer it.

The Steam Pocket Machine Spaces Mop.

Hello?

Easy payment for $39.95.

Yes, this is for the Steam Spaces Machine Pocket Mop Professional Machine.

No, this is...

Okay, does it get out watermelon and bananas?

I'll give you the questions.

No, listen, Mr. Monkey.

Take my order.

Watch, I was going to start flinging poop.

Michelle, I've been hearing tits, honey.

I like that.

That's the best line of the night.

Look, I think we've run this show down to the ground, have we not?

I mean, it's just...

I think it's not.

We're just getting steamed up.

Cleaving the steamer up.

It's really popular.

That mop is really powerful.

Very, um...

We've got to find another product other than the steam mop, you know?

There's other stuff on TV for sale.

Free bras.

I saw that commercial.

Oh, yeah, the bras, man.

We should call them the bras.

Oh, I sent them for my fat wife.

Your fat mom.

I'll save you some of that.

Oh, well, good work, Artie.

Stupid.

Stupid. Go to work talking

loud. Alright, call back. We'll just get

another one of them. This is the last one. I'm done.

Okay. Man, flying off the

shelves.

Best call of the night was

Hurricane Magic.

Charlie. Thank you for calling to order

the Shark Professional Steam Pocket

Mop. My name is Ernetta. To pull up

this special offer, may I have your zipper

postal code, please? Yes.

Yes, you may. Hello? Yes.

Yeah?

Yes, I need your zip or postal code, please.

Yes, you can have it.

3-2-1-1-7.

3-2-1-1-7, thank you.

That's in Florida.

And for quality purposes, this call may be recorded.

Florida, 3-2-1-1-7.

Did you get that?

Yes.

Today you're getting the all-new Shark Professional Steam Pocket Mop

with three levels of steam control.

And it cleans.

It uses water, not grape juice.

It cleans and sanitizes floors in your home.

Normally, it's five payments, but on today's call, you'll get the mop for just four easy payments of $39.95 plus free shipping and handling.

As an added bonus, you're getting the Shark Portable Steamer for above-floor cleaning with your order.

Normally, it's $99, but we'll include it with your order for free, and it's yours to keep just for trying the steam pocket mop.

Let's go ahead and get this out to you today, okay?

Did you know that when the slaves came off the ships, they would check their teeth and their gums?

I don't know why I said that.

I'm out of here, guys.

I can't do this anymore.

Milkman.

$165?

Are you kidding?

I know, right?

Is it even, like, good?

I mean, Jesus.

Well, it's supposed to be $200.

Wow.

Don't say that.

Anyway, we're out of here.

How do you like it if I asked if I chopped it in half with a hacksaw?

Milkman, take us out of here.

You better take it back.

You want to take us out of here, Milkman?

There you go.

I don't think she's hardly worth it.

She didn't even say thank you.

She was hung up.

Hell no.

Yeah, I'm going to call you right after you sign out.

I won't answer it, Martin.

I'm going to sleep.

Hell no.

All right, milk ride.

It's that time again, folks.

The Armanito.

That's right.

The Ugly Madhouse.

What's he always saying, Manito?

Shut up.

Arty, I'm going to hang up on you.

The Armanito.

Ugly Madhouse.

Come.

He is nearly a waking fucking shit awake and beckoning to us all.

So let us thank all of our friends for joining in tonight.

The Number Shit Man.

That's right.

Thank you so much.

Mr. Loser.

And Sir Nino.

Thanks for the busy signals and dead numbers, and I hope you enjoyed this call.

He's sending good numbers.

He's sending good numbers today.

Thanks for sending in the good number.

Thank you.

I'm not sure how you obtained that.

Still under investigation.

I don't think it was him.

No.

It was an imposter.

Right.

The arm will have a report possibly next week, stay tuned.

The arm, look at you.

That's right.

And don't forget, we do have a new podcast coming out.

should get to listen to google application and go to town hey wait a minute before we go any

further did you get that to work the listen thing oh yeah man that's all i'm saying man that's the

only way to go yeah if you love the madhouse as much as we love the madhouse you will have it

google listen i get it yeah you can hear me right now and it's coming out of your android

you've already made it good for you yeah yeah i'm talking about also i'd like to thank you

You are. Listen, that's right. Our friends, our family, all of our friends, and for inviting our customers, our partakers in the show, thank you so much.

If you just bring a friend or barrier, bring an enemy, and you just share a laugh, right here.

Same bat time, same bat case. Don't miss it.

The General Lee Smollett of the Madhouse. That's like the leader of the Madhouse militia. It's ready to go on a march in.

Don't go get laid. I mean, no. Anyway, General Lee Smollett of the Madhouse, thank you so much. I'm here to talk.

There's a smell.

You know I didn't

We get a lot of

Request a prank numbers

And I didn't do any of them

Mr. Artie

Also Mr. Artie

Thank you

I had to hang up on you

Appreciate you

You want to shut up

I had to hang up on you

Not pooping

On the floor

Yeah okay

That's a big bye

I had to hang up on you

Because it wouldn't be quiet

There for a little bit

I had to disconnect him

Sorry Artie

But thank you

Um

What is this

Someone sent in a number for

Richie you sent in a number

Oh wow

There were a bunch of

Request a pranks

That I didn't do

Oh wow

Yeah I feel bad

These people

Took the time to do

these requester pranks and i didn't do them oh hell let's do them my friend he goes to stanford

this could be an overtime match i want you to call him up and tell him that you represent

the stanford undergarage you love the bears don't need no bag ass stanford you're a bear

ask with really asking really personal very weird questions spoof your number with 650 area code i

I can't spoof them with...

All right, we'll do this number that the Negro judge asked for here.

Does that ass smell like shit?

Is it ass or does it smell like shit?

Okay.

Let's see if the answer is this late.

Stanford University.

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

Tim Astorio.

Tim Ass.

Is not available.

Tim Ass.

No answer from Tim.

Sorry I waited so long, Negro Judge Perry.

Sorry that took so long to call.

As Dory.

let's see what else we got here

I'm going to try to burn through these requests

I know it's late

completely didn't even think about it

Canadian sent in a number in Honolulu

for

P

P.F. Chang's in Honolulu.

He prank called...

Honolulu.

I prank called this number a week ago telling them that I was Mr. William Shatner, Shatner's personal agent,

and that I wanted to set up a Star Trek reunion at their restaurant.

They were very excited and agreed to all the ridiculous things I asked them to do,

like make sure none of the employees look Mr. Shatner or Mr. Takei in the eye,

and to confiscate all phones.

Their intelligence is obviously lacking, so I thought another prank would be funny.

You're much better at these things.

Okay, blah, blah, blah. Shut up.

All right, let's try it.

If they're even open still.

They might be open still because it's Honolulu.

Well, Sulu's gay, you know.

There's nothing wrong with that.

You could maybe, like, ask him if they're here.

Of course he is.

He's Japanese.

What do you expect?

If they've got any problem with him and Shatner.

Him and Shatner hate each other.

Thank you for calling P.F. Chang's China Bistro.

To make a reservation, press 1 to place a takeout order.

Your call is being transferred.

Serve from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m.

Hello, thank you for calling P.F. Chang's.

Yeah, listen, I went in there and these people were looking at me right in the eye.

I don't appreciate that.

No one's supposed to be looking me in the eye and making eye contact in my eyes

when I go in there and eat.

Okay, did you want to speak to someone?

Yeah, is the manager there?

Sure, hang on one sec, yeah?

Thanks, honey.

Here's the four-course menu, including soup for two, a choice of one appetizer,

two entrees, and two mini desserts.

Thank you for your patience.

We'll be with you in a moment.

Please visit pfchankshawaii.com for more information.

P.F. Chang's Milkman, they've got these things with lettuce that you wrap up your own rolls with lettuce.

It's good.

It's kid-friendly dining at P.F. Chang's.

Hey, when you pop, when they come back on.

Hey, hold it.

How do I help you?

Yeah, hi, listen.

There were people making eye contact with me while I was making those things.

You know, you take the lettuce and you roll up the meat in it?

Yeah.

You know what that's called?

Chicken lettuce, right?

Listen, I was there, and these people were making eye contact, looking at me in the eyes.

Okay.

And laughing in the back.

Okay.

And I don't appreciate that.

These were other diners were looking at you, or what?

The other employees were looking at me and laughing.

They're looking at you and laughing?

Because it was taking me a long time to do it.

Okay.

And these people were back.

They called me Round Eye and everything.

They did?

They called me Howley.

Did they?

Yes.

Our employees here called you Howley.

And Round Eye.

Good.

Thanks for calling.

Hello.

Wow. What's wrong? What's wrong? We're so far-fetched about them calling me Howie.

We Nowie Wowie, baby.

Yeah, it's like calling a white guy the N-word.

Thank you for calling P.F. Chang's China Pizza. To make a reservation, press 1.

Your call is being transferred.

Aloha, P.F. Chang's. This is Aaron. How may I help you?

Hey, look, Howie, I need to talk to the manager.

This is me.

Listen, were you just hanging up on me?

None of our employees would call you Howie, sir.

Well, I have it written down what they said to me,

and I asked someone outside, and they told me what that meant, and I'm offended.

For an 80-mile-an-hour restaurant, one of our employees called you that.

They didn't call to my face.

They said it behind my face.

I highly doubt that, sir.

Round eye, and they called me this word, which I don't even want to say.

Round eye?

I asked someone outside what it means, and they said it was a bad word.

They said it was like saying the N-word to a black person.

I don't appreciate that, sir.

Hey, if you want to come in here, and we can discuss it further, that's fine.

Oh, we're not going to discuss it.

I doubt seriously we said that to you tonight.

Slap you in the face.

What's going to happen?

Come on in.

Oh, you want to get slapped in the face?

Sir, I am here all night.

You're ready to get slapped in the face.

You're going to accept it, too.

Very good.

Take off my gloves and hit you in the face with it.

You're going to take it.

Thanks for calling, sir.

Have a good night.

Like a woman.

How big a boy are you?

I'm in a bad mood today.

I milked my ass all day today.

I'm in a bad mood.

When I got home, I was arguing with her.

She's like, why are you in a bad mood?

I said, shut up.

Thank you for calling P.F. Gang's China Bistro.

To make a reservation, press 4.

Your call is being transferred.

Mikey Key, this is Aaron. How may I help you?

Yeah, Aaron's a girl's name.

Say again?

I know a girl who's named Aaron.

A friend of mine who's a girl. Her name's Aaron, too.

Hey, sir, I don't have time for this tonight.

That's a girl's name, though.

Why'd your parents name you like a girl?

When I'm hoping for it, it's the manager not to answer,

so I can complain to the girl, the cute girl.

I like the girl in the game.

Let's see if I can get the girl in the front.

Call me around, though.

Hello.

Thank you for calling P.F. Chang's China Bistro.

To make a reservation, your call is being transferred.

Magical evening.

Hey, thank you for calling P.F. Chang's YTC.

This is Jay.

How may I help you?

What, your name is Jay?

Yes.

Listen, I was just talking to Aaron.

Uh-huh.

Can you write down a message for him, please?

Sure.

You ready?

Yeah, would you like to talk to him?

He's right here.

No, just write down this message.

You have to hurry.

Have to do what?

Can you just pass on a message for me, please?

Tell him this is from Round Eye.

From who?

Round Eye.

Round?

Round Eye.

This is Round Eye.

Round Eye?

Yeah, and then you have a girl's name.

Hang on one second, yeah?

You have a girl's name.

Damn it.

I was trying to get her to write down a nasty comment for him.

This is Round Eye.

It's like a James Bond character.

Round Eye.

Yeah, I said, I'm having a meeting for a drink later.

You like your milk, man?

Okay.

You like your milk, man, don't you?

All right, let's see what's next here.

That was that one.

All right, Jammy123 sent in a number in San Diego, California.

FedEx office, open 24-7.

They are getting really mad since everyone in this Spanish class are getting folders laminated,

complaining about how these kids keep coming in.

Oh, really?

Okay, so something about getting laminated folders.

So this looks like there's some Spanish class in town

where they have a project due with laminated folders,

and they're all going in the same...

You've got to love that.

Great planning on the teacher's part there.

Thank you for calling FedEx Office, Office and Print Center.

Please press 9 to speak with a team member for questions

or for information about the products and services.

Listen, I'm really upset here, okay?

I needed to get this folder laminated for Spanish class, all right?

And you people laminated it all wrong.

It has hairs inside the lamination.

Okay.

What are you going to do?

You can come back.

This is due tomorrow.

You understand?

At 8 o'clock in the morning.

Okay.

I want you to fix this now over the phone.

We can't fix it over the phone.

I don't have time for this.

I'm going to send you a fax with the information to laminate.

You want me to type it up and laminate it for you?

That's right.

I'm going to fax it.

You're going to type it up, and I want you to laminate it with no hair this time inside of it.

This is disgusting.

Okay, yeah, go ahead and fax it over.

I'll let the person in the graveyard.

I mean, we only have one person in the night, so I'm not sure what we can do about it,

but send it in, and we'll take care of it.

I'm going to type it up, and I want them to proofread it.

Can I have your first and last name, sir?

This is Valente Cross.

Okay, give me one second, okay?

What?

To personal stationery or the perfect party invitation.

Could your business use a boost?

Come to the...

What was that about?

Okay, go ahead and send a fax, and then we'll, I guess, I'm not sure how the order goes.

I wasn't here.

I have no information on the job.

But if you want us to type that off on a piece of paper, and I don't have a piece of paper, we can definitely do that.

Well, what I'd like to do, can I just tell you what the assignment is, and you guys do it for me then?

It needs to be, it's a folder, and it needs to be three sides.

Besides, the first side needs to have the name, the class, the elective number, the student ID number.

Are you getting this?

I think it's going to be better off if you fax everything, all the information out to us.

No, I don't have a fax machine, really.

It's not really working very well.

Can I just tell you what this is?

I just want them to just do the assignment for me and laminate it, and I'll come pick it up tonight.

All right.

I'm going to need you to send an email, then, with all that information.

Well, listen, can you just write this part down?

Okay, I'm actually handing it out right now.

If you really want to, I want to help you out.

I'm going to need you to type all that information in an email and send that out.

Okay, listen.

Number one says explain a place you like to go on vacation in Spanish in two paragraphs.

You need to use three conjective absent sentences, three descriptions.

Be sure to use proper tenses and nouns.

That's number one, okay?

All right, we can't do the assignment for you.

You can send us information, and then we can retype it if you send us information.

But I need you to have the text for us to actually type it out.

All right, then number two, it says,

explain something that you like to do on your free time.

For example, I like to play video games with my friends.

Translate this into Spanish.

Me gusta jugar video games con mis amigos, etc.

This must be one paragraph and contain at least five sentences.

Proper pronunciation will be required for the portion of your presentation.

That's number two, okay?

And then number three, write a letter to an imaginary pen pal in a Spanish-speaking country.

This must contain three parts of one paragraph each

and must have a proper opening and closing statement.

Hello?

Yes, I'm here.

Did you get that?

No.

I'm not writing anything down.

I told you, I'm not doing the assignment for you.

You have to type everything down.

You have to type in the Spanish.

This is a Spanish class.

I have nobody here to type Spanish.

You're supposed to do this.

Okay.

If you send us a file, we can type it out for you.

We can type everything out.

You've got to send us an email.

We can't do the assignment for you.

So we can either bring back the folder, and we can give you the money back,

refund you whatever amount you paid for it,

and we can get it back if that's what you want us to do.

Listen, I didn't.

But we can't do the assignment.

I just waited until the last minute,

but they told me that you were doing this stuff here,

that you were doing the project.

The teacher said you were doing this.

We don't do the project.

We laminate the folders,

and if your folder was ruined because of our lamination,

you can bring it back, and then we can see what we can do for you.

But it's completely ruined.

We can definitely give you your money back.

There's no way to fix it.

It's completely ruined.

Now what do we have to do from scratch?

I don't have time now.

This isn't fair.

All right, do you have the files that you typed out?

No.

Okay, then.

I'm sorry to tell you this, but you can come in.

We're open 24 hours.

You can come in, and we can give you your money back.

I want you to make an excuse for my teacher

that explains why I'm not

I get a pass on this one

because of what you did

this is what you're going to have to do

you're going to have to call tomorrow and talk to the manager

I can't do anything else I'm sorry

I can give you your money back if you come in

will you call Mrs. Valente right now for me please

I can't call teachers

no that's not a service we offer

it's not fair

you broke my assignment

Again, you can come in tomorrow and talk to our manager.

I'm going to become ineligible for the football team because of this.

I'm sorry.

This isn't fair.

You got to go and help somebody else, okay?

Please call teacher.

Call teacher, please.

Please call my teacher.

Have a good night.

Okay.

All right.

That was fun.

I'm going to make him do the whole assignment for me.

Sorry.

They're probably like, oh, my God.

Another one of these fucking students.

Don't worry about it.

What a stupid teacher to make the kids have to laminate a folder.

Get over it, dude.

Fucking seriously, I want you to go, and you need to turn this in, and it has to be laminated,

and if it's not laminated, you will not pass.

Fuck you.

You got Corey's number?

Call Corey back real quick.

I have Corey.

I don't even remember the name of that place where we called Corey at.

Huh?

Aquarius Hotel, was it, or something like that?

All right, Scotland Asda, call and ask for Matt.

I think he's in electronics.

Just start telling him how great America is.

Okay.

I'm going with what you guys want me to do here

I have a doctor's appointment at 8.30

And it's 2.42 in the morning

Just like last week

I had an interview at 9 o'clock in the morning

And I didn't fall asleep until like 4 o'clock

Thank you for calling Arthur Chester

Have you taken the Arthur Price Guarantee Challenge?

Keep your receipt and go to our website

Thank you

Good morning Arthur Chester

Can I have electronics please?

Sorry?

Can I speak with electronics please?

can i speak with electronics please hold on please

may i speak with matthew please matthew's not there man no matthew had some very nasty things

to say to me i was calling to give him a hard time and push him around if i was there right

now pull his pants down and push him down are you a woman are you a woman or a man woman you're a

a woman yeah ew really yeah oh do you like the touch of a man yeah yeah that's nice i'm gonna

pull your pants down okay in the store is there a quiet corner in the store do they have beds there

i'll put you in a bed and light it on fire okay and then jump around peeing like yeah house on

fire put it out okay hey can you this is matt's friend he told me to give you a call can i talk

Talk to the girl that's there.

There's no girl.

I heard a girl laughing.

You're standing,

buggy,

laughing.

Oh,

I don't like you.

That's true.

You don't have respect.

Come back here at 8 o'clock,

you'll get back.

You don't have respect for men.

No.

You nasty woman,

dirty woman,

you.

Bye.

Dirty little girl.

I want to talk to Matt,

not her,

or him,

or it,

whatever the fuck that was.

Great.

Alright,

my little brother,

Michael,

thinks he's

God's gift to women.

Okay.

It's called Michael.

What are you doing, Milkman?

Ew.

I'm in the back room.

Milkman's grunting.

No answer there.

Ken.

Big Ken, who's not even up anymore, I don't think.

Sent the number here for some kind of N.

I'm really tired.

And I was trying to get to those.

I got to a few of them there.

There were a lot of requestor pranks we didn't get to.

Big Dick's halfway in.

Too late for that.

What else do we have that we missed?

Inez.

My little brother, Michael.

That was already dead.

that's that

nothing needed to do that

that's a comment on Facebook

and that's my computer crashing

okay well Milkman you already signed us off here

I just want to thank real quick Lonesome Loser

and Nunu and everyone who sent in numbers

I apologize to Ken

and the other gentleman who I didn't get to your two numbers

but other than that we did actually

we called every single number that came in

I believe I did call all of Lonesome's numbers

and all of Nunu's numbers

and we called for Steam Sharks

It is what it is, Milkman, right?

We didn't do bad.

Alright, well, we're out of here.

Thank you, everybody, for listening tonight.

Thanks for bearing with me in my bad attitude.

We turned it around a little bit. I'm tired.

Good night, everybody.

MadHouseLife.com

Thanks, RBCP, for everything.

I love you, Dark Stranger. I love you.

I think you're a man. Are you a man or a woman?

Whatever you want.

It's cool if you're a man.

Calls (38, 2 h 12 min of 3 h 22 min)

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