Furries Are Not Allowed Here

Okay, this has gone from a prank phone call to...

No, no, it's sexual.

Well, it was funny at first, but now you're talking about stabbing me,

and, you know, that's not funny anymore.

No, it's a fantasy. It's Halloween.

Fa, fa, fa, fa. Fa, fa. Fa, fa, fa, fa.

This is coming from the same phone, so I have a feeling this is a prank call,

so this is where I'm going to hang up.

Furries are not allowed here, so I'm not dealing with this anymore.

Have a good day.

I think the problem is you're gay, and you're afraid of looking at a gay man.

Hey, nigga, kiss my ass, homie.

Fuck you.

Who the fuck is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Good evening, everybody.

Good evening.

Madhouse Radio has returned again, once again.

We are here.

It is iCarLeader, your host, the greatest pranker alive.

Yep, yep, yep.

Also got the Milkman with me.

The Milkman.

How is the Milkman?

How you doing?

I'm doing good.

How you doing?

You're sounding like you're in a good mood.

How you doing, man?

Manito, keep it going, keep it going.

We love you there, Manito.

As a reason, and return to Recap-a-Chin.

Yes, thank you.

And Blisky so much, man.

How you doing, my brother?

I'm doing good.

Thank you, Milkman, for asking.

At least somebody cares around here how I'm doing.

I'm cold, but I'm doing good.

Thank you.

All right.

You get Deaners in there and turn the camera a little high.

I heard that you dropped your marker underneath the desk.

And since you can find it for you.

I'm fine.

Like Jim Stewart would say

I'll fuck you

Before we get to that

Alright, before we get to that

Make sure everyone visits

MadhouseLive.com

Alright, shut up

I want to remind everybody to visit MadhouseLive.com

Of course, if you're not there already

That is a home website thing

That's where our website is at

You can go there and check out our prank calls, our podcast

Our video, our chat, all that shit

MadhouseLive.com

That's right. If you want to send in your request, you can do that there on the Request a Prank page.

If you want to do so on AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger, you can as well.

Madhouse Radio on AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger.

If you're using MSN Messenger, that's madhouseatlive.com.

Be sure to follow us on Twitter.

Our name on Twitter is Madhouse, and of course Madhouse Live, as well as Madhouse Pranks over on Facebook.

But, as I said before, on the line with me now, we have Milkman.

Milkman, what's going on?

Your birthday is on Halloween.

Happy birthday, man.

Yeah, I didn't want to eat dough.

That dude knows my candy.

It is true.

Yep, your last birthday before you die.

Have mercy.

Nah, man.

Save your name.

Nah, I forgot.

You thought I forgot.

Sometimes I do forget some years to mention it, but I didn't forget this year.

Oh, my goodness.

Well, my goodness, that means you're 57 years old this year.

That joke never gets old, I tell you what.

it all right well no people in the chat room today a lot of people listening tuned in i was

wanting to mention we are of course on cacti radio that's always good phone losers.org

phone losers phone losers.org cacti radio.com um rbcp has been making some changes to the site

it's now showing the live show live it comes up on the top of the page whenever we're live we got

a new control panel set up it's really cool so the live stream feed when i do the show

all the people are visiting the site

they get bombed with it now

it's very cool

hopefully that will increase our listenership

I'm very excited about that

as is he and the rest of the Foam Loser group

also wanted to mention that we're on Blue Planet Prank Radio

for the first time

that's our good friend Ted Webb

Ted, you're Webb?

Ted, you're Webb, Webb, Webb

me and Ted go back way back

way back in the days of the Brill Building

me, him, and KDKA

and Milkman

That's back in the days

When we was working in the meat locker

Remember that one time me and Ted

Were over there doing pranks

And he hit me on the head with a record

He cleared me and knocked me out for a whole week

Remember that?

We used to throw those tapes off each other's nuts

We didn't have any bandages

And we had to wrap you up in 8-track

And reel-to-reel tape

Fucking nuts

The good old days with Juggie Gales

That's right brother

Yeah, there we go

That's that

Blue Planet Prank Radio

That was back in the days of Telegraph, actually

Because you remember, that's when we first started doing our pranks

Man, when we learned more code

Yeah, we used to do pranks on Telegraph

Yeah, so if you're listening to us on

If you're on Blue Planet Prank Radio

This is a live show you're listening to right now

It is, what is the date?

Today, it's Thursday, the 27th of October, 2011

2011 so if you're listening to this on blue planet prank radio and you're like what the fuck where's

my where's my uh touchstone terrorist pranks it's carlito and we're live we're gonna do prank calls

live today for about two three hours or so most of the time they're good sometimes we get a little

in there but overall we have fun be sure to come be with us also enjoy you will like this thing

which is madhouse pranks um man i don't know what's been going on i don't pay attention to

the news anymore i just i don't care dude it's been bad what's been bad how's the stock market

doing these days oh dude it's in the fucking toilet man yeah that's good that's good no worse

yet dude have you been if you haven't heard then like uh in the last three to four ongoing now

the oakland police department has been bombing these um by oakland people for setting uh uh

and, like, hanging out in City Hall and sleeping in their little tents.

Yeah?

They palm them with tear gas, and they've been shooting with rubber bullets and shit.

Oh, my God, really?

They run that far with the whole thing now?

It's crazy, dude.

I mean, you look, if you see any of the video footage, people running with their cameras

and out the fucking tear gas, people running and cops hitting them, and, you know, how crazy.

Oh, man, it's like the 1920s all over again.

It looks just like the 1960s, man.

You know what the reason was?

Why they started doing it?

Somebody threw a paintball.

Threw a paintball or shot a paintball?

Threw a paintball.

Oh, my God.

It could have compromised him.

They used tear gas and rubber bullets.

You know what?

Threw a paintball.

How senior said he was.

Oh, yeah.

I got shot in the shoulder with a paintball gun.

I was paintballing.

Last time I went paintballing, I got shot right in the shoulder pit.

Right above the shoulder pit.

And I got knocked out clear out for a week.

Just like when Ted broke that record over my head in the Brill Building one time.

Right.

Oh, it left a nasty...

I had a nasty, well, bruise, like the size of my fist almost, for a whole fucking month.

That shit hurts.

Well, you remember there was this monkey called Chucky, man.

You know, his name was Chucky.

He was a chimpanzee in the Norfolk Zoo.

No.

And that son of a gun, man, when I picked up one of his turds and threw that sucker

at Dougie and hit me right in the shoulder, man.

Two.

Okay.

Man, I could not get the stain out of that shirt.

I had to throw that shirt away, man.

Oh, my God.

All right.

Well, scandalous.

Okay, well, that's great.

So, you can realize how dangerous that was, man.

It could compromise my shirt armor.

Imagine what a fun paintball would do to an Ossifer in full body armor.

Headgear, shields, gloves, tasers, rubber bulleted.

Man, it's amazing that guy survived.

Did you just say Ossifer?

I'm so worried about the Ossifers.

No, but you just said Ossifer.

I just wanted to mention that.

Oh, my goodness.

And, yes, that's right, yes, upwards of the law, always be respectful.

Well, if we could stop the music real quick, can you stop the music real quick?

I have some sad but important news to talk about here.

We do have sad news.

We did lose somebody close to the Madhouse family.

Not a lot of you know who this person was, but in the back of the scenes over the last few years,

he was pretty close, at least to me, and the background of Madhouse Radio.

He helped out a lot, actually.

He was a big fan of Madhouse Radio.

video. His name was Pedro Batista. He was a friend of mine in Orlando. And from 2006

to 2008, all the equipment that I use now here, the mixing board, the microphone you

see me talking in right now, he helped me put it all together. He was a big fan of the

show. He helped me out, learned a lot about editing and stuff like that. He gave me a

lot of software. From the time that he first heard the show, he was a really big fan. He

He used to like the pranks in the site a lot.

He used to work with me.

And then even after that, he was pretty well involved with the show.

Well, unfortunately, he was in an accident on his ATV.

He used to enjoy going on his ATV on the weekends.

And he had a horrible accident on a Sunday.

And he passed away today, Thursday.

Oh, my gosh.

So I did want to go ahead and just give my condolences.

Pretty sad.

He was a pretty close friend of mine, actually, to be honest with you.

But he was a big Man House fan.

and i thought we were um it would be uh uh good for me at least bring that up uh

wow that's terrible man no family and that's really terrible so that's a drum machine so in

his honor i really don't have much you know audio of him he didn't make a lot of music and stuff he

was kind of like a techno artist he that's why he knew a lot of editing stuff but um he did come to

the studio a few times with will uh back when will used to be on the show back in 2006

2006 and 2007.

Big Will was cool, man.

So I thought in honor of him, he does appear in this prank call here,

The Queen Mother is Dead, that Reclude did.

He was in studio for this prank call, and he's laughing at the very end of it.

He's one of the three people, me, Will, and Pedro, laugh at this at the end.

So I wanted to play this real quick here since this is one appearance on the show, really.

This is a classic anyway.

Anyway, this is The Queen Mother is Dead by Rek Lude from 2007.

And then we'll continue with the show.

I am freezing my ass off.

It's going to snow this weekend.

It's freaking October.

I'm from Orlando and it's going to freaking snow.

This is insane.

I'm freezing.

My teeth are chattering right now.

I need to put something warmer on.

Brad Beck, give me just a moment here.

Hello?

Listen, I'm from the royal family and the Queen Mother is coming down.

I need your best suite.

Hello?

Yes?

Answer me at once.

I'm answering you, yes.

Address. Address me as sir.

When?

Saw Royal. Say that.

Who have I been to, please?

This is Saw Royal Thomas Phineas.

Yes?

And you will prepare a suite at once at the royal order of the Queen Mother.

Saw Royal haven't got one.

What do you mean you haven't got one?

A house suite to pull up.

What? Do you know who you're speaking with?

Yes, but house suites are full.

Listen, this is the Queen we're talking about.

There is no such thing as a full suite.

I'm with the Queen Mother, and the Queen Mother, I'm afraid, is dead.

What?

You told me the Queen Mother.

The Queen Mother is dead.

The new Queen Mother, you anti-bastard.

We haven't got a Queen Mother.

Say your facts right, first, please.

Oh, you poofed up.

Queen Mother died in 2002, Reckwood.

Was it in 2001 or 2000?

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Too bad it sucks no matter what.

All right, we lost Milkman while we were waiting on that,

uh so he didn't get to hear the prank let's give him a call get him back on the line here

just a moment please enjoy the following i know milkman he's constantly hitting redial right now

on the phone trying to get back on i know if i know that milkman please enjoy the following

music while your party is being reached i hate people that leave voicemail like don't just

breathe in the phone and i'll leave a message please enjoy the following music while your

Your party is being reached.

Finally, Jesus Christ.

Trying to get a hold of you again.

It's all right.

It happens.

Anyway, we're back.

That was for a good friend,

Drone Machine Pedro.

Rest in peace, sir.

You will be missed.

I'm playing one of his songs.

He made a lot of music.

This is one of his songs

I'm playing in the background.

But he was a big fan of that prank

because it was there.

He was a big fan for some reason.

If you remember,

I remember Reglo did a prank called Four Finger Freddy once.

Yeah, man, that one too, dude.

I think I was there for that one too, man.

Yeah, he was a big fan of Four Finger Freddy.

He used to see me and he used to say, Four Finger Freddy.

He said, Carlito, Four Finger Freddy tonight.

He used to tell me, like, yep, you got it, man.

So, all right.

All right, so we got numbers here.

I don't think a lot of these people are actually here and want some of these stupid references.

I make those comments and references.

Meaning we're actually pointing out lines.

That's right.

Thank you.

I see AMD's in the chat room.

What's up, man?

We had a lot of people.

Sir Nunu.

Yes, Nunu's there.

Tabachi's there.

A lot of people there right now.

Doug Ganey.

AMD.

AMD in there?

Nope.

None of those people.

None of them.

I don't know who you're talking about.

You're crazy.

You're a psycho.

I'm kidding.

All right, look.

I bet he plays in there, I bet.

Yes, he is.

Clay is in there.

I'm bored.

All right, let's start the show here as far as prank calls go.

we got a number here from new new yeah i'm five up there i thought i was going to i gotta warn

new new look i only have uh 58 cents of credit to the uk that gives me about 20 minutes worth

of prank calling time so not much credit there to prank call the uk so we might have to be easy

on that um so if you're gonna send me uk numbers send me some good ones that you know are gonna

work out but he did start off by sending a number here in indiana an old woman who spoke who speaks

Meeks Foreigner answered, maybe she was talking Mexican.

He does not know.

Okay.

All right.

Well, there we go.

Let's do this.

First prank call of the night.

Just a moment.

Thank you.

Answer here.

By the way, Milkman, if you can...

Oh, did we lose Milkman again?

Did I lose Milkman?

Oh, shit.

I lost Milkman again.

I'm in trouble.

I bit my lip earlier today when I was having breakfast, lunch, brunch.

Man, it fucking hurts really bad.

How do you spell Milkman?

No, don't call me.

Hey, I'm trying to call you back.

I don't know what happened.

and I messed up again.

Yeah, that was my fault.

Well, hang up here

so I can call you there.

Bye.

Bye, bye, bye.

All right,

because I forgot to hit conference.

I just dialed it straight up.

My back is killing me.

Hey, all right, sorry.

I'll do this right from now on.

I'll try not to mess up anymore, okay?

All right.

Someone's asking us

to prank the dad.

Let's try to call him.

See if he's there.

I don't know if he'll answer.

Yeah, Dieters.

He might not be available.

He says he's on the phone.

He's on the phone, man.

We haven't talked to Dieters

in a long time, man.

He's done.

We'll see.

Now, Big Will's saying thanks for the shout-out.

I guess he's listening.

That's cool.

What's up, Will?

What chat room?

Go to MadhouseLive.com forward slash chat, and it's an IRC room.

You can join right there.

Hello?

The message?

The Dads.

Carlito.

How you doing?

All right.

Bye.

Best interaction, please.

All right.

Well, no The Dad.

No answer to the first number.

Noon is working on some more numbers, but in the meantime, we do have one or two requests

of pranks that have come in, so let's give them a call.

Let's see what's up.

Yeah, definitely, if anybody, any of our listeners, if I were to hear that they passed on or anything like that,

I'd definitely, you know, um...

Absolutely.

You know, I'd be sad.

Yeah.

I'd be sad hearing any of our listeners.

They're part of the Madhouse crew, man.

They're important.

Even if they're not, they're still important to somebody.

Every single one is important, because fuck, we only got so many listeners.

Oh, oh, a flash update.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

Breaking news, also.

I was going to give you a quick update.

Uh, what, you got an earthquake?

Oh, I was going to tell him.

I was included in the update, but there was more updating.

What's up?

I guess there's no sound effect.

I just did it.

I think it's out of effect here.

Just listen.

I just played it, goddammit.

Listen.

There it is.

Yeah, my button got stuck.

I couldn't get it running.

Okay.

All right.

Yeah, there was another earthquake about 2.8 this morning.

And also, the incursion between the office and...

Did it just happen today or something?

Pardon me?

Did it just happen today or something?

Within an hour.

Okay.

All right.

Well, that's not good.

Well, that's good. They shouldn't be shooting vets in the head because they're crazy as it is already.

They're dangerous.

Right, man. I forgot why the thing is.

That's right. Very good. Good point, Milkman.

That's very not nice of you to make fun of the vet who got shot in the head.

Shame on you.

Listen, we got a request to prank here.

Let's see what this is. Let me play something here over it.

Basil Marceau is a recovering lobotomy that ran for governor of Tennessee, according to his wife.

He has been arrested a number of times for things such as accosting a juror in a courtroom,

taking an American flag off of a flagpole and cutting it up,

for which he was apparently hit with a stun gun,

and for refusing to pay a fine for something and mooning the judge.

His wife was soliciting calls claiming that is his personal cell phone number.

Oh, there he goes, okay.

Here's a video of him in case you want to know who he'd be dealing with.

okay so some guy all right i don't know all right well book up who says these are things that he

does especially the flag burning part there's nothing wrong with burning the flag you want

to burn the flag burn the flag why is this so offensive to people it's like where's the parking

i'll go straight up okay milkman's parking milkman are you leaving us is that the story

you're going to be leaving us here soon milkman you're leaving us yes hi how you doing sir i was

hoping to be able to get a hold of you my name is cross is this basil yes good is it basil or

or is it Basil?

Basil.

Basil, good.

Oh, that's good.

Your mother leaned you after an herb.

Awesome.

Hey, I was looking for some assistance here.

I know that you've been in representation before

and you have good public speaking skills.

I've got an issue here.

I got in trouble for using the flag to wash my car,

and then I dried my dog off with it after bathing my dog.

And I understand that you represented yourself once in a case like this,

that you won.

No, actually, yeah.

Actually, if you lost your car with the flag, the flag with the car,

and you did something to the dog,

you'd just totally disrespect the people that die.

What the fuck, you're a Jima?

The thing is, the flag is a living thing.

Jima, it's a symbol.

Yeah, but it's my flag.

I bought it.

This is my flag that I bought.

No, no.

Yes, it is.

The flag, eagle.

You just bought a replica.

You just bought a flag.

I can't be here today.

No, but I bought the flag at the flag store,

and i didn't have any towels and i had to wash the car and dry the car so i used the flag and

then my neighbor came by he's like oh you can uh you can't do that you know because i'm i'm not even

i'm from italy i'm you know i'm an immigrant but i got i'm a legal citizen though and i i use my

money and i buy a flag is my flag and then i drive and then i my dog we gave a dog a bath and i used

a flag to dry the dog off and my neighbor came over and we got into fisticuffs and he he was

It's like, they told me that you understood that you know how to represent people that desecrate the flag.

Well, I'm sorry.

I do.

I take bothers to come.

When I find flags, I just end up.

They say, I'm getting the ground.

Son, you're high standard.

Because I'm the symbol of the United States.

It's not good.

I'm a little bit of Italy.

I'm a citizen.

I have a job here.

And it's a job that Americans can't do.

That's all right.

When you come in here and take 10 years as a citizen, you're supposed to know the Constitution.

Listen, I paid $5,000 to a congressman so that I could become a citizen.

He got me a plane flight and everything over here.

That's what I did.

Folks, my point of all is to our country.

I understand.

So what did you, I thought, they said that you desecrated the flag, that you cut it up and you stomped on the flag, and then they came and stunned you.

Okay, okay, I can explain that part.

Okay.

Okay, I've had that telephone call three times, okay, going with the U.S.

Okay.

All the threats.

No, it's supposed to be equal or higher.

Being that it wasn't.

Equal or higher.

Huh?

Equal or higher.

No, not equal.

No, sorry.

Equal or higher.

I read this in the Boy Scouts book.

It's supposed to be equal or higher.

Well, you have to read.

What you have to do is go with the U.S. code.

Okay.

And the ground.

You know, I'm saying, hey, I want you to take the tie down because it's destructed.

start cutting when it was taken down you did

and i sat on a chair you're not supposed to do that though that's desecrating the flag

It is not a living thing.

It's not like Jesus.

It's not like...

It's born in China.

Well, that's why it says China on it.

She was black, though.

Okay.

No.

Well, here's what I did.

I put the fly back where it goes.

I put on, over my house, I have the Italian flag, right?

And then I have the United Nations flag under that, and then United States flag under that,

and then the Indiana flag under that.

Well, guys, why'd you come here if you want to fly somebody else's flag?

Well, the United States is part of the United Nations, and the United Nations is bigger than the United States,

so it's supposed to go on top of it. It's over it.

No, as the code says, if you have another nation flag,

The United Nations flies equally with the other flag.

The United Nations isn't a nation entity.

It's an overseeing body over the United States.

And according to the United Nations...

No, that's not it.

They don't see over us.

According to the NATO code,

National North Atlantic Treaty Organization,

you're supposed to fly the NATO flag on top of the United Nations,

then the member countries underneath.

Oh.

Yeah.

It's international law.

The United Nations has that flag of their own.

That's the one I'm flying above the United States flag because the United States is a member state, but they're not over us

Yeah, they are

I'm in Tennessee when I and I'm the best soldier in the world for three-con marine

Okay, when I go to my military car, I go to my military park and I go there

They got the best soldier there Korea. Where did you know? Where did you find? What? Where did you fight in?

Vietnam area I got agent orange full-fledged agent orange. Oh, you're in Vietnam. That's the war that you guys lost

right yeah but i was never there uh-huh i was in the i was in the south on vacation on on set they

had all day on orange so why didn't why didn't you uh fight in the war like why were you men back

because you were it was over it was a 71 it was over by then you were effeminate though that's

why they kept you back why because they said they put you down as a feminine soldier and they left

you back in the i'm sorry i i'm for free comrade i'm the baddest ass in the country but you didn't

fighting the war that's nothing but you're like a piece we were practicing war we were practicing

the war and it was a farcical war to begin with it was a farcical war to begin with and and i'll

be honest with you and say cheer pays to go to a vietnam they sent the ones that didn't volunteer

and send me to south america you went around you were over there on a boat in in australia

smoking reefer and not doing anything i was never i was never as great as far as i went was um and

And you need to wash my car right now with the flag.

Well, the only thing you're doing is when your neighbors see you do that, you're insulting them.

My neighbors come over and make them a nice Italian dinner.

And it's okay.

It doesn't matter if they make two Italian dinners on their heart.

Down there where they talk about the heart, you know, the heart down there.

No.

Don't you talk like that to me.

Listen, I'll push you around, old man.

An old coward?

Well, it may be, but you get me mad for you.

What's going to happen?

What are you going to do about it?

Well, actually, I can't do anything about it.

What if I come down to your house and disgrace the flag?

What if you come down to my house and disgrace the flag?

Well, I don't know.

Finally, I'll probably get my son to kick your butt.

Oh, you're going to have your son fight your fights for you?

Well, I've got an agent on.

You don't want to fight someone who has an agent on, do you?

Yeah.

I've got a half a heart.

My legs are giving out.

out uh another three years i'll probably be dead and i won't even i won't remember oh whatever

whatever if you go read the flag code and you want to be a the best american citizen you

you possibly want to be if you come and become a citizen and you want me to normally they want

to be the best you can be okay now there's criminals out there that don't care about who

they want to be are you still there i'm here i'm listening okay so you come to this country where

You want to be a citizen.

When you do that, you're supposed to come here and be the best when you can.

Now, our country isn't, it's not perfect.

It doesn't, it doesn't, a lot of things, it doesn't work, okay?

These individual things, I ain't fixing it.

Better.

Then we'll walk state flag.

State for years.

Listen.

I believe in Tennessee, it's the dogwood.

Now, would you take a chainsaw and go out and cut all the dogwoods down?

Uh-huh.

Whatever.

Okay, that's nice, honey.

Would you?

Honey?

You said you were in Illinois, right?

In Tennessee.

Okay.

In Tennessee.

Okay.

You walked a long way with a chainsaw, cut down all the dogwoods.

Okay.

What's wrong with that?

Was it?

Yeah.

Well, it's a large.

Why do you want to, why do you want to, no, I'm saying,

don't you get pride and stay even though, shit.

Listen, I want you to know, I went to an Italian restaurant, okay,

and you know what they were using for napkins?

The napkins had Italian flags on them,

and I find that very disrespectful of Americans to do that.

I find it very disrespectful that I saw.

Let me tell you something.

I saw a woman, and she was sitting there, and she thinks I didn't hear her,

but she leaned over to her husband, and she said that she started her period.

And she took some of those Italian flat neckings, and she went to the bathroom,

and she came back, and she didn't have them anymore.

What do you think happened?

What do you think that happened?

I don't hate talking about gross stuff like that, Tom.

I'm planning to get done with her president one day.

But 10 to 1, she probably used it for her exorbitant.

For her vagina.

And that probably didn't work out well for her if you need twice as many.

Well, that's what I'm saying.

You know, as far as I know, she wiped her, she put her vaginal stuff on.

Well, I'm not a TMI guy.

Well, I'm very upset.

I'm very upset at Americans.

And that's why I'm washing cars with American flags.

Well, then you should go back to Italy then.

Well, no, this is my flag.

I bought the flag.

It's my flag.

I bought the flag.

It's my money.

No, it's not.

The U.S. flag belongs to every American.

The Constitution says you can do whatever you want with your money.

It's right there.

I read it.

Well, it doesn't matter.

The U.S. flag belongs to everyone.

The Constitution says it's a free country.

You're displacing my flag, your neighbor's flag, your side on the road's flag, the president's flag, everyone's flag.

Mike, listen.

You're displacing.

Do you want to have it out?

You live in Tennessee.

You have me, too.

My name's Tucker Mike.

Well, it's not about Tucker Mike.

That's my name.

My name is Tucker Mike.

You're doing the right thing.

My name is Tucker Mike, and I live on a cotton plantation in Tennessee.

And if you were near here, you'd come.

In Copper Hill?

Yes, and you'd come here, and you'd have it out with me.

I've been in Copper Hill many times.

We're going to have words.

I'm going to have words for you.

You come down to my cotton plant, and we're going to have words.

I tell you what, I'm going to push you around.

You stupid old man.

Racist.

You're going to push a 60-year-old man around.

I'm going to wrap you up in an American flag and throw you off a bridge.

No, I'll tell you what's going to happen, guy.

What?

I have a technique that the Recon taught me.

You know what that is?

What?

I'll pluck the eyeball out and lay it on your chin.

When you look at yourself, you'll be shocked at an old man

that you're in your place.

But it wouldn't be because of the flag.

It's because you dispected me as a human being.

Is that the finger of death?

Is that what you call it?

Did they teach you that in the Marines?

Well, I'm a 4th Recon Marine.

I told you I'm the best soldier in the world.

I have training that most Marines don't even see or hear of.

Yeah, on a boat.

You sure put it to a lot of years.

But now I'm 60 years old.

I'm not as fast as I used to be.

But I know I can still pop an eyeball out.

I've got pictures of you.

What?

Wait.

They're all over the Internet.

Using an American flag as a necktie.

Well, what?

Now, what's that about?

The only thing you're doing is disgracing yourself, okay?

You want to be a citizen?

Here's what I want to do.

And now you come here and say,

I disrespect you, United States.

I hate you so much, I'm going to burn your flag.

I'm going to wash your feet, your flag, and pee on it.

I'm going to take your flag and wash your car.

I'm going to put dog poop on it.

That's not what a citizen does.

That's what a terrorist does.

Don't you call me a terrorist, sir.

Don't you dare.

Well, if you don't like my flag, and you don't like America, what are you?

I'm a beautiful Italian, smart American man.

No, you may be Italian, you may be smart.

I don't even mean to be a kid.

I don't know.

If you suspect the U.S. flag, and I'm telling you, I'm a 4-3 comrade and the best soldier in the world,

and I have the highest doses in all this country.

I say protect to be better than anything you're doing against our enemy.

If you're spitting on the flag, you could be classifying me.

Now, if I take a piece of paper and I draw an American flag on it, and then I put that in the toilet,

is that desecrating the flag?

Actually, a piece of paper.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Okay, so what if I take a shirt and I draw a flag on that, then?

It says, you don't do enough.

Why place your book with a flag on a shirt if you don't work for the executive branch of the government?

But if I take it, I'm going to take a regular white T-shirt,

and I'm going to draw an American flag on it, and I'm going to fly it on a stick like it's a flag.

Well, all you're doing, like I said, you're disgracing yourself to your neighbors.

They don't really care where you live.

I try to save it.

By the time I see a fly, well, I'll save it.

But it's a living thing.

Look, I want you to just look me up.

My name's Tucker Mike, like I said.

And I live on a cotton plantation.

I have a cotton gin.

And I've got collards that come here.

And they make the cotton.

We pick the cotton.

They don't do that no more.

They do that with a big machinery.

I know, but we all do it old style.

The machines come and they pick the cotton.

And then we make it here in the factory.

We have a factory next door.

and the colored people run it, and we make flags this year.

We're going to make flags with the harvest of cotton.

We're going to make flags this year, and we're going to wash the cars with the flags, okay?

So if you've got a problem with it, you come down.

Look me up, Tucker Mike, tuckermike.com, okay?

No, what I'm going to do, guys, is I'll wait until I win a Supreme Court ruling

and make it a crime, and then I'll have the FBI look you up.

They're going to lock you up.

For what?

For what you did to the flag yourself.

You cut up a flag for no reason.

A perfectly good flag.

The federal law requires it.

And when you disgrace it, if I did come over there and take your flag from me,

you know what I have to do next?

Well, then I have to put you on a chair and make you cut that flag into little pieces and burn it, okay?

And then I'll make you bury it, the way the law says.

You can't make me do anything.

Well, if I want to kick your ass or pop your eyeball out, you couldn't stop me, could you?

But I'm not about that, okay?

Well, I have one eye still, though.

I could kick your ass.

I just tell people, people like you that disrespects the flag,

I just try to convince you to do the right thing.

It don't matter how much the story says, you always love your mother,

no matter what she does to you.

Okay.

Do you ever masturbate?

Do you love your mother?

No.

Do you?

Yes, I do.

I love my mother very much.

That's not very nice.

Are you talking about my mother?

No, you talk about my mother.

No, I didn't talk about how you love her, that's all.

Yeah.

Yeah, so I love your mother very much, if you know what I mean.

Carnal, I know your mother.

I knew her when she was alive.

No, you did not know her.

I knew her in a personal way, in a carnal sense.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

If she's talking like that, I'm not going to hang on this thing.

I'm not.

I'm not going to protect the fly, but my body, I'll see if your number shows up.

It does.

Yeah, you know it shows up.

I'll put it on save.

I'll put it on the save and then we'll talk.

We'll give you a call back and we'll talk.

We'll talk later.

flag violators.

Okay.

Flag violators.

And then,

if I ever get a law passed

or enforced,

flag violators...

I'll be the...

You know what the crime is?

You know what the jail time is

for flag violators?

Why?

It is a law, okay?

Mm-hmm.

And what,

before the Supreme Court says

anybody can do,

anybody can do

what they want with the flag.

But before then,

it was 11-29.

Right.

11 months, 29 days.

Sounds all fine.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Okay. All right, so does that work for you?

The only reason I did that was because two lawyers went to court to say,

hey, check this about the flag, check that about the flag.

But what they didn't do is have a Marine there to come fly the living thing.

And nobody owns the flag.

Everybody in the United States owns the U.S. flag.

And if one's own burns it, say it's burning your flag.

Okay.

No, no, nothing like that, no.

Nothing like that at all.

And I dare you to accuse me.

How dare you?

I'm telling you, you'd have to have fish in country.

Italy is doing much better than the United States right now.

We've got better GDP, beautiful women, beautiful music, better food.

Your country is not nice.

It's the best country in the world.

It came out in Time Magazine.

It said best country in the world, and Italy was number one.

But it's been there for a thousand years before we even started.

It's the original country, it says.

Original country.

Say that again.

So tell me, back then, in the original time, what were they, democracy or republic?

What?

Italy, way back then.

You talk about way back.

Uh-huh.

What were they?

What were their politics?

Were they republican or were they a democrat?

You know, the Greeks owned all that part in that area there, and they were democracies.

Yeah.

So did democracy correspond to Italy?

Democracy correspond to Italy?

Way back in the early days.

Wait a minute, the ancient, in the Roman era?

Yeah, day one, yeah.

ancient rome no no it was uh it was no there was a senate that was shut up listen there was a

senate there was a senate that ended up becoming um uh too powerful and it was consolidated under

caesar tried to um corner them in and they assassinated caesar because he was taking away

their powers because literally the people thought caesar was so he was such a great italian man

he was such a uh uh you know a great man superior a human being that they wanted to name him you

know king and of of of the roman empire and that he was a god and he even he said he didn't want

to do that and it was brutus who was trying to uh take advantage of him to make him look bad and

even brutus came to him in some event and stopped the event in front of everybody and got on his

knees and tried to crown caesar as king and a god and caesar said no stop i'm not a god i'm not a

king because he was trying they were trying to uh the triumvirate was trying to make a way to kill

uh caesar to make him look bad in front of the senate and the senate fell for it anyway and they

assassinated him and as a matter of fact the first the the first blade that went into caesar was from

a greek there was a greek senator that that sunk the first blade in the caesar during that

assassination plot. It wasn't a Roman

senator. It was a Greek senator.

Yes, that's right. As a matter of fact, the first

one, the first person that stabbed

Caesar that day, the first

hit was from a Greek. A Greek

man.

The Greeks sent him

over there to come for Rome.

It used to be a republic.

He went in there with democracy.

They knew the pilgrims left Spain

and northern countries and come over

to America to find a new way.

Republic. I heard my flag.

Oh, RoboCop.

No.

Oh, you're a traitor.

You desecrated the flag.

You desecrated...

You haven't shot a bullet in any war,

and you desecrated the flag.

No.

Get out of here.

Nah, get out of here.

Get out of here.

All right, I'm tired of talking to you.

Bye.

Goodbye, traitor.

Traitor of your race.

Traitor of your country.

No, you are, but I don't like the flag.

You are.

You're a big traitor.

Hey, go up there and listen to me sing America on the Internet.

Can you hear me sing it?

Huh?

Up on the Internet.

You see them babble myself singing America.

Did you ever hear it?

No.

Well, you need to.

Maybe you get a little feeling for our flag and our country

and respect it just a little bit more.

Or launch the car with the Italian flag.

Or with the other thing you said.

Don't you dare.

The world flag.

Don't you dare ever talk about it.

I'm not really in for the world flag.

Don't you dare desecrate the Italian flag.

If you know better, you will never desecrate the Italian flag.

Or I will destroy you.

I will destroy you for desecrating the Italian flag.

You understand?

What's that?

What did you say?

What are you doing with mine then?

This is my flag because it's my flag.

I bought that flag.

Okay.

Hey, the Constitution says no state should have any concave government in it.

Oh, Jesus Christ, I can't talk to anyone.

Milkman, are you still there, even?

I thought that was you I was talking to the whole time.

Milkman.

Oh, shit, I think Milkman left.

I don't know, that draw gone on your own,

because I don't have any other numbers to call.

I kept watching the chat room for more numbers, you know,

another number to call, and nothing was coming in.

No Lonesome Loser yet, no other request of praise.

Please enjoy the following music while your party is being reached.

Sorry, I know that was boring, guys.

Tomorrow I'm gonna be

Hey, you still there?

What are you doing?

You pooping?

Yeah

Oh, is everything coming out okay?

Yeah, it's just about

Okay

Did you make it to your concert

or are you not gonna be able

to be in the concert?

I'm going up now

Alright, good

Alright, well have fun

I'll let you go

Give a call if you get out

Maybe I'll still be on

Okay

Alright, man

Have fun

Happy birthday

Bye

Happy birthday, man

Yep, bye

Okay, alright

That's Milkman

He's at a Judas Priest concert

for his birthday

he decided to do something special for himself

I gave him the night off

Baz, is it Baz? Who sent this?

Claire Baz, I confuse those two

white kids all the time

sent in a prank call here

he says it's from the early days back in the

Brill Building on PCU

and says

it's a really good one, he said it's a very old

prank call that he found on his hard drive

I think this is from

who's this from? Brandon?

Who sent this? Ah, Brandon, not

Brandon Vegas, just Brandon, okay

Okay, all right, well, I always confuse it, too.

I almost said Brandon Vegas.

Supposedly it's Carlitos Elderly Smokers.

Let's listen to this while I get reorganized here,

see if we can scrounge up some more numbers so we can do some pranks here

while Lonesome Loser makes it.

If you've got any prank requests, send them in.

I knew they'd send in another one here, local here,

and we can do some UK calls.

I've got enough credit.

I've got a good 20 minutes worth of UK numbers.

We might want to hold off until a little later

because we usually do better with UK numbers when we have to wake them up.

maybe in the second half of the show.

But let me quit talking and play this prank call while I get organized,

and we'll do some more live prank calls.

I've learned as long and drawn out and elderly and senile.

Now that Milkman is off.

This is WQ. How can I help you?

Yeah, hi. Good afternoon.

I'm calling from R.J. Reynolds Company.

And I have a question.

We'd like to see if we can possibly make a donation,

maybe perhaps set up a special room in your location there where people can smoke.

We heard about the news article, and there's a lot of people upset,

and we have a lot of people who are upset, I say.

A lot of people have donated marble miles, and we've got enough here.

I think we'd be able to build a special smoker's lounge inside your area there.

I'm sure you're aware of the issue with some of your residents having to cross the street

very dangerously to smoke cigarettes.

Mm-hmm.

That was before.

What about now?

Now they have their own smoking down here.

I think that was just a month ago, but everything got changed.

Really?

Really? So you guys got a lot of bad press and everything's changed now then?

Yes.

So they're allowed to smoke there on property?

They're in the 25 feet away from this one.

It's still outside the facility, but it's inside the gate.

Well, we want to bring them inside so they can be more comfortable, so they don't have to go outside.

They're already inside.

Well, you're...

The gate, it's just around the facility.

And inside of that, it's where the, you know, the pops and the...

Pops?

What I mean by the POPs is where the soda machines and all that are.

When you come out that door, it's their smoking area.

So they figured everything out.

But there's not a fear of like avian flu or anything like that?

Maybe them catching kind of sickness out there?

Don't you think it might be healthier for them to be smoking inside?

That, I don't know.

I can't answer that.

Well, okay.

Do you want me to transfer you to someone that can speak to you about that?

Sure.

Yeah, why not?

Hold, can you hold on for a minute?

Sure, thank you.

Thank you for continuing to hold.

I don't really want to give them kayaks and leather jackets.

And a singing bass.

Can we give them kayaks and other jackets?

What can you get for Marble Miles?

Can we get, like, tents and kayaks?

When can I help you?

Yeah, hi.

I'm calling from R.J. Reynolds Company,

and we've had a drive for people to donate their Marble Miles,

and we have a few kayaks and jackets, leather jackets, that have been donated,

and we actually put them on auction.

and we believe we have enough to possibly set up a smoker's lounge like in an airport inside your location.

We're concerned that the old people,

originally the fear was that they would get run over by some kind of trucker or something like that

or perhaps a maniacal person or another old person who maybe shouldn't be driving anymore.

And I understand that you don't have them crossing the street anymore.

They're allowed to smoke on property but outside, right?

Correct.

Okay, well, we don't think that's safe because they could still get sick out there

and they can be exposed to the harmful pollution,

which could harm their lungs if they're breathing it in while they're smoking cigarettes.

So we'd like to know, maybe we can set up a smoker's lounge in there with a widescreen TV,

maybe a few pool tables, a bar.

I'm sorry, I don't remember this at all.

That's pretty funny.

They're going to get harmful pollution.

They're going to breathe harmful pollution in while they're smoking cigarettes.

Okay, it makes perfect sense because the cigarette smoke doesn't do anything to them.

Oh, boy.

And we'll donate free cigarettes to them also.

we'd love to go in there, be great press for you guys,

and we'd be happy to underwrite whatever you guys would like.

Your best bet is to call back tomorrow and speak with our administrator.

What's with the runaround, sir?

What do you mean, runaround?

Why don't you be a little bit more assertive and take charge of the situation,

maybe just work a deal out with me right now.

I can cut you a check.

What are you talking about?

You know what, dude?

I don't even know you.

Well, I'm with the secret.

And you're trying to do business with us, correct?

You're trying to do something nice.

Your best bet is to talk to my administrator.

How am I giving you the runaround?

Well, you're giving me the runaround because you're passing the buck.

Just take charge.

I'll write you a nice check on the side.

I'm sure you smoke.

I'll send you a few cartons of Marlboro Lights and we're set.

I mean, the only industry bigger than us is big oil.

I mean, come on.

We're the cigarette company.

Come on.

You know we can do this.

Listen, guy.

Even if I were to say yes, it's not my place to say yes.

You just said it now.

I got you on tape.

No, I speak to a higher power.

I can't do that.

We own God.

This is a company.

You know, I work for a company.

I work for a corporation.

I speak to a higher power.

I can't just say, oh, sure.

Well, we'll hire you.

It's okay.

We're going to buy out the place.

We're naming it the R.J. Reynolds Building anyway, so what's the big deal?

Yes.

It's all done.

It's all here on paper.

I just need your approval, and we're going to set it to go.

I wish I could record this conversation.

I don't authorize you to record it.

That's all right.

I did not record it, but I wish I could have recorded it, because you're not making no sense.

Well, you're not making any sense by passing the buck again.

Okay.

Well, you know what?

but I think his conversation is over.

We'll talk to you later.

Okay.

Well, that was that.

Very concerned he is with his job.

Yeah, hey, I got an issue. I was just there and apparently some gentleman was after say hitting on me hitting on you

Hitting on you hitting on me not you me me

Yeah, I didn't understand this is a homosexual establishment.

Who was hitting on you?

Some guy there in black pants.

I mean, that was a dead giveaway.

Some guy in black pants.

First of all, that's a dead giveaway.

But are you aware of the legislation in Florida that says you can't operate a homosexual establishment anywhere within 100 miles of a church?

That's not what I hear.

Okay.

Well, Robbie O'Connell sounds like a pretty gay name.

What kind of name is Robbie?

Yeah, it's gay, right?

So you're gay, too?

Hey.

Yeah.

Hey, homo.

I'm going to pray for you tonight.

Right on.

You're sick.

You're sick, you bastard.

Thank you.

Go to hell.

Have a great night.

Don't make me go down there.

There was an extra bonus prank there at the end.

That was kind of funny, too.

Not that funny, but pretty funny.

This is a hotel in the UK.

Thank you for calling the juries in Brighton.

Please hold while we connect you to the operator.

You are being transferred to the operator.

Click back and relax in comfortable, spacious bedrooms with a ring.

Evening reception.

Hello.

Do you have room for one bed and one man?

for tonight one man one bed and then how much for two men in one bed together in the same time uh

when for for tonight it's a spur of the moment poor thing yeah i understand so i'm afraid we

booked tonight when can i have a man with me in the bedroom anytime you like sir unfortunately

tonight we're fully booked two men one bed one room and that's not a problem that's absolutely

fine however tonight we're fully booked we don't have any rooms available do you have a place a

A break room there for the employees?

Yes, we do, sir.

Two men, one room, one break room?

I'm afraid the break room isn't available to the public.

It's for employees only.

But if I knew an employee, could I go to there with him?

If you were an employee?

If I knew one who was my friend.

If you knew one?

Mm-hmm.

I'm afraid that the employee areas are for employees only, not for guests.

Do you have a car lot for cars?

We don't have our own parking facilities, no.

No?

Do you have a lobby?

Yes, yes, we do.

Is there a bathroom in the lobby?

Yes. Yes, there is.

Can I use the bathroom in the lobby?

Yep. You're welcome to use our bathroom.

Can two men be in the bathroom in the lobby?

Easily.

For how long do you think maybe me and you could be in there?

I'm afraid I can't. I'm really busy at the moment.

When you use the bathroom, how long will it take?

Sorry?

How long does it take, you think, maybe, for two men in one bathroom?

You say?

Do you think five, ten minutes maybe will be okay?

I think that's a little ambitious.

You think maybe more time or less time?

You need five minutes in the bathroom?

I saw you there.

I saw you.

You saw me?

When I checked out, I saw you.

You saw me.

I liked you.

Very kind of you, sir.

Thank you.

I like you.

Can I use the bathroom?

Okay.

If I go to use the bathroom, will you use the bathroom there, too?

I think I'll wait until you're finished.

When do you take the bathroom break?

Infrequently.

Do you like to use the toilet?

Sorry, is there something else I can help you with, sir?

Yes.

Yep.

Sexual feelings that I have for you.

For me, there's not an awful lot I can do about that, I'm afraid.

Well, there's a lot you can do.

There's a few things.

You have three holes you can make.

Huh?

You can make three holes with your body for me.

Like a bowling ball?

No.

Yeah, like a bowling ball.

Mm-hmm.

The first hole, do you know which one that is?

Um, no.

Yeah, this has been hilarious.

Thank you very much.

I'm going to have to get back to work.

Can I tell you the holes in my order of preference?

It's fast, very quick, okay?

Okay, after that, I get back to work, yeah?

Okay, you got it.

You got a deal.

Number one.

The first hole.

Yeah, promise?

Yeah, promise, okay?

Okay, cool.

Go for it.

The least favorite hole is the one from your behind, okay?

Okay.

The second favorite hole is the one with your mouth.

Okay.

And my favorite hole is when I take a knife and I put it inside your side

and I make a hole there and I put it in there.

Okay.

This has gone from a prank phone call to a...

No, no, it's sexual.

No, it's a...

Well, it was funny at first, but now you're talking about stabbing me, and, you know, I just, that's not funny anymore.

No, it's a fantasy. It's Halloween.

It's not Halloween. It's just some random yank calling me and threatening to stab me, all right?

Not funny anymore.

It's a sexual prank.

Yeah.

I'll stab you, but it's with my penis, the stabbing. It doesn't hurt.

Oh, right, so you weren't threatening me.

No, just to have sex.

No.

Threatening you with my sex.

Okay.

Because I have an STD.

Well, you're welcome to explore that fantasy in your own time, okay?

Do you want to know what STD I have?

Okay, good.

That guy was a good sport.

Gotta love the UK, huh guys?

This has come from a prank to a threat.

Well, thank you everyone for listening.

We're getting more requested pranks. That always helps out.

My nose is itching. I'm not picking my nose.

If you're watching the video, scratch my nose.

Accuse me of shit I'm not doing.

We got like 90 listeners plus right now.

I'm very happy. Thank you everyone who's listening right now.

I'll do my best to make you happy and entertained.

Thank you. My pleasure to you.

Keep sending those requests in.

you can go to madhouse live.com there's a request to prank form there and you can send them on aol

and yahoo instant messenger madhouse radio is my screen name there madhouse radio on aol and yahoo

instant messenger and if you're using msn messenger it is madhouse at live dot let's see

what other request to pranks we got here new dude send in one here that we can do it was for a funny

name what was that funny name no no well we got two we got a black guy a black guy named steve

and we got a we got his twitter and we got dean martin dean martin hey back in the burl building

dean martin and frank sinatra juggy gales all right so thank you to burlap for sending in that

number in brighton in the hotel that's fun a random prank random prank from a yank bias's

boss really wants us to call that girl michelle from last week and it was just weird it wasn't

that funny man i don't know i don't know she sounds she's like 17 or 16 i don't it's i don't

like pranking uh teenage kids you know because it's just it opens up a whole can of worms legally

if you start messing with you know teenagers and minors and stuff i'm kind of leery about it man

their parents find out they get upset about what gets said and they call the cops next thing you

know yada yada yada all right so we got a number we got two numbers here for the same hotel in case

one doesn't work we got a backup here it's called the stanley hotel or is it motel check big jamie

sent this in i don't know if james is a girl or a boy it can be either way these days who knows

could be jaime well let's do that stanley hotel the one the movie the shinning i know the shining

i'm quoting the simpsons when the shining was uh done in based on yeah brandon thanks for sending

that prank that's that's good i really need to go in and all those early 2005 2006 pranks i need

to go back and try to edit i think there were some pretty good pranks in some of those it was cool

listen to that prank here you know andy was coaching me in the background there to tell him

that we they should have what was it leather jackets and a pool table or something is that

what he said fucking crazy guy fucking andy he's good people i mean that's if andy could call in

the show one day he still listens to the podcast but he doesn't really call and he hasn't called

in since after the wedding that was like two years ago shit anyway blah blah blah that was

kind of weird though tell the guy i was gonna put a knife in the sexual thing there's people

to do that though i hear i hear people like to have sex and blood uk ted hey how's it going hello

how are you sir hello mate how's it going um okay hang on let me disconnect this other call

all right well good to talk to uk ted huh uk ted yeah all right you've been listening long

or is this your first time listening uh no i just connected after you prank called me how's it going

oh okay i prank called you yeah man about 10 minutes ago we're at the hotel yep oh well how

How'd you find out?

How'd you find out that was me?

I don't get it.

Did you send the number and have me prank call you?

Yeah, I've got to be honest.

That's a bit of a lame trick, isn't it?

Yeah, it's always a letdown when that happens.

Gee, thanks.

You could have kept that, you know, the thing, whatever.

Well, thanks, though.

You know, it sounded good.

I'll just edit out this part so no one knows that it was fake.

Yeah, yeah, do that, man.

I don't mind.

I got your permission.

Cool.

All right.

You want to sit in on a prank, a real one?

Hopefully.

Well, I'm kind of at work at the moment, so I can't commit just in case somebody comes

comes to the front desk and asks me for sex or

something. Okay, to use the bathroom for

an extended period of time. Okay, I gotcha.

Yeah. Alright, well, it was fun anyway,

Ted. Well, thanks for checking in. No worries.

Have a good night. Alright, cheers.

That was nice of him to at least tell us the truth, wasn't it?

He could have kept us in a state of suspense.

I feel like an asshole. Yeah, we'll

call a different hotel.

You're saying UK Ted is better than US Ted.

That's funny. That's true.

The backup number that Hamey,

Hamey, Hamey sent for the hotel

doesn't seem to be working. Well, maybe the principal

one works we'll see later on though i'll get that it's at the bottom of the list now it's not because

of anything you did just i got other ones that came in it'll take me a while to get to it excuse

me while you're on oh what a boring show bookapoo i sent in a number this ad on craigslist and i

ask absurd questions concerning the product it's in detroit detroit that reminds me everyone be

ready uh tonight oh shit that's tonight oh man i hope i recorded it i don't know if my dvr caught

it oh man beavis and butthead premiere was tonight i don't think i i think i forgot the dvr and i

hope athena caught that shit pretty sure that was tonight that was premiering i'm sure to repeat all

weekend if i know if if i know uh mtv all right so we got a craigslist ad here supposedly for a

sex love swing and stand for 120 yes you read right i have the stand for a love swing in fact

i have two swings for it as well one never used i'm asking 120 for the stand asking 75 each for

the swings wow i would completely break a sex swing i'm not here to take your call damn it i

want ted's uh something really weird just happened if ted ted webb not uk ted if you could explain to

me you're quoting a a joke here that i heard for the first time about an hour before the show

started so it's an old man goes to the doctor he tells the doctor i can't pee the doctor asks how

how old are you? The old man says

90. The doctor says you peed

enough. I heard

that joke for the first time

like an hour before the show started. I was listening to

a YouTube clip of

Gilbert Godfrey on the Stern Show with

Beetlejuice who was, Beetlejuice didn't like

him. And Gilbert Godfrey was

trying to make Beetlejuice like him.

And he said, I'll tell you a joke. And he said that really bad

joke. It's just

weird that

you're quoting a joke there that I heard for the first

time today. And it just

was i broadcasting and didn't know that or something please tell me ted says you heard

it from the same video today ted do you this is did i play it on the was i like accidentally

streaming already without knowing oh jesus because i was watching some porno right after that too

okay a week ago all right good i literally was listening to that today it was just like before

the show started that's funny all right ted confirms didn't hear me wanking well i wasn't

listening i was not watching porno or listening to it see lonesome losers in the house what's

up mr lonesome mr handsome man sorry about the miami dolphins i maybe i want to get them upset

but they did lose a tough game to the denver broncos um last week and into overtime the game

they probably should have won but of course you've got tim tebow who's mr tim t was mr fourth quarter

he didn't i was i swear i went to get a haircut i was listening to the game i was interested because

i'm like all right tim i'm from florida i'm like all right cool tim tebow is gonna start

Everyone's talking Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow.

It's his time.

Tim fucking Tebow.

I heard three straight quarters of that whole game.

Listened to the whole thing and nothing fucking from Tim Tebow.

It was like 15-0, 14-0, beginning of the fourth quarter.

And I got my hair cut and everything and said,

Athena, this game really sucks.

I'm going to turn it off and let's just go shopping.

And we go shopping.

I figured the game's over.

I think it was like eight minutes left in the game.

And then we get to my in-law's house, to Athena's parents' house,

and my father-in-law's like, oh, my God.

Did you see that Miami Dolphins game?

And they're like, yeah, they finally won a game.

He's like, no, it went into overtime and they lost.

I'm like, you've got to be fucking kidding me.

He's like, yeah, it went into overtime and they freaking lost.

I was like, oh, shit.

Fucking Tim Tebow.

Fucking guy.

I guess he ain't that bad.

I don't know if he's going to make it in the NFL, man, with that last-minute shit.

He's going to get his ass fucking beat and hurt.

Like they're into Michael Vick now.

They're just fucking assassinating him.

Defensive lines are just fucking trying to break his knees and shit.

And the refs don't fucking care.

He gets what he gets.

a number for uh someone named jerome here lives in ohio it's probably gay and republican works

at panera bread okay all right that's on the list let's see what else we got here hi carlito can you

please give some promotional reference to i am melt i am elton john i am elton john on twitter

twitter.com i am elton john and facebook.com the samantha okay done okay thank you bye all right

you're welcome goodbye facebook.com slash these the as in the samantha um i've never been there

before i just did it i'm a whore like that so good luck with that folks if it's a virus it's on you

not me don't look at your friend carlito all right we're gonna call him uh time is it 11 30 we'll be

taking a break here pretty soon it's been an okay show we just had that really long prank and it

threw me off old guy just talking absurd while i was organizing things um but more numbers are

are starting to come in so that's good let's go ahead and give a number a call here to nunu's

number i'm gonna have to pop it over here though on the right computer because i've told nunu to

send his numbers on irc and he doesn't listen he doesn't fucking listen son of a bitch i gotta

copy paste it all bias's boss is offering the he's got skype credit i've got enough for the night if

we run out then i'll uh i'll connect bias's boss but his parents are around you don't want him to

get in trouble bias's boss you're on standby you're a weird kid bias's boss but i like you

I like you something wrong with the boy, but I like okay, so we're gonna start with Steve the black guy who likes tacos

And we've got his Twitter here. I haven't even looked at it

Let me see if I get some information on him ask him about his Mercedes that he didn't get he likes tacos

Tell him that it isn't black food all right his name is Steve. Let me look at real quick at his Twitter

Oh my god. It's got a purple. It's got a purple rag on his head what gang uses purple

purple i don't know what's the blue and the reds jamie hymie sent another number jamie send an email

clarify is it jamie or or hymie are you a chick or or a dude let me know i like to have a mental

picture especially if you're a lady send me a picture i know hey all you listening right now

help me out because i'm getting ready to shut the forums down we got like one person is who's

posting in the forums now and rbcp posted nicely in there he posted some stuff recently

recently, and we got a new listener, a new person registered the other day, but the Madhouse

forums and the Madhouse Live website are pretty much dead, I'm getting ready to cancel it

out, this is sad, this is embarrassing, I'd rather not have forums at all if you guys

aren't going to use it, so, I promise to get more involved, but you guys got a post in

there also, so, everyone put a post in there tonight, post something in the Madhouse forums,

do me a favor, if a third of you did, I'd be happy, have fun, it's fun all the time,

it's free, it's called Blackout.

There's another one, just like Milkman.

Can't leave the fucking name or message or nothing.

Just, ooh.

Well, that's the African-American gentleman.

Nice-looking guy.

Handsome guy with a do-rag on his head.

Not a do-rag, a bandana on his head.

It's either purple or just he had a bad shot in the camera and it turned blue.

It turned a blue-purple.

Had a little too much red in it.

Red bone.

Finally, not today.

I'm going to have to have eye surgery again on my other eye now.

My left eye looking good.

The one I had surgery on, but now the right eye is doing bad.

And that'll have to have surgery

I'm gonna hold off on it for a few months

Because I'm supposed to be starting a job here

And within a week I got an interview tomorrow

So you have to wish me luck

Another interview

It's my third interview for the same job

They got some fucking selection process there

Jesus Christ

I think I was gonna be working for the frickin' Obama administration or something

Alright, Burlap sent a number in the UK

British guy always complains that he works too hard

And is tired all the time

Works in a candy store in Gay Brighton

call him and i promise to join the madhouse forum all right fine fine you're the boss the listener

is boss here but we can also call you know steam mops and what else have we got genie bras new wave

ovens we got things we can do here lonesome sending in numbers all right unless i'm serious i was

rooting for miami dude it fucking sucks it's fucking bullshit it's your it's your i i got a

feeling it's your defensive coordinator and your offensive coordinator and you're in the coaching

coaching of that team is just what's it's it's not a bad team it's not uh the the dolphins are

not they don't have a bad squad it's just the the coaching doesn't know what the fuck they're doing

man and i really showed in a game like uh like what happened sunday afternoon sucks dude sorry

man that's why i don't i don't talk about it our british listeners couldn't give a shit about you

try it again nothing this hangs right up he's probably on guard ken's again talking about

about the lions you know lions what can i say detroit crazy it's crazy what they're pulling

but they're doing it so good for them lions are going to stroke tebow on sunday well all right

it's crazy i i still i i left florida i moved out of florida but i still follow the orlando sentinel

the newspaper for orlando where i used to live in i follow every day twice a day i go in there

morning and afternoon i read the stories you would think that tim tebow's fucking god they

They're like, oh, my God, Tim Tebow's going to start.

Finally.

Front page on the Sentinel.

Front page that Tim Tebow was going to start for the Denver Broncos.

And this is a newspaper in frickin' Florida.

I didn't get it.

But whatever.

They got their priorities, I guess.

Wow.

We are at 99 listeners.

Are we?

No, I don't know how to add.

We're at 89 listeners.

Never mind.

We hit 100.

I take my pants off on the camera.

There's got to be unique motherfuckers.

I'll be trying to spam the fucking

shoutcast. Mikey129's calling.

Hey, we haven't heard from you. Mikey129,

what's going on? Carlito, congratulations

on 99. Thank you.

On 99? 99? Let's go

for 100. Oh, yeah. No,

it's actually 89, actually. 89?

I forgot 45 plus

44 is 89. I wasn't right.

Close.

You got that old math, old man.

Old man math? Come on, man. I'm 31.

How old am I? I'm 32.

I'm not that old, right?

So what's up with you?

How you been, man?

You used to post a lot in the forums

and you disappeared from there, I think, right?

Yeah, I lost my password.

I was on an old Comcast

and I changed over to a new ISP

and I can't get my password.

Oh, shit, really?

Well, I can reset it for you or something.

Absolutely.

I'll go in there and reset email

and send you a reset email.

I got that ability.

I'll do it. I'll figure it out.

I'll PM you.

All right.

That was lively.

Less.

Great.

Less.

All right.

So, you're good, Dan?

Everything?

I'm good.

I'm going to go high.

You have an interesting avatar on Skype.

It's a girl.

Yes, it's American McGee's Alice.

Okay.

Oh.

All right, cool.

All right, Mikey.

Good talking to you.

All right, buddy.

See you.

That's Mikey129 on Skype.

You, too, can join him on Skype.

Skype.com.

Owned by Microsoft.

Who knows what's going to happen with Skype and the prank call game now that Microsoft owns them.

We will see.

Well, Jaime is saying he's a guy.

Well, there goes my fantasy.

There goes my night.

Dragon Wall Chinese Restaurant, San Francisco.

Alright, cool.

There it is, another thing we can call about the shit in the toilet again.

I tried to call Evil Ardine.

I haven't heard from him in like four days.

I'm kind of worried about him.

There's nothing like him to not call me five times a day.

UK sending in another request for a fake number.

Going to be taking a break soon here, a mandatory break, ordered by the FCC.

Lots of numbers from Lonesome Loser, though.

We're going to be calling those shortly.

Dragonwall.

Dragonwall, how are you doing?

Good, how can I help you?

Listen, what's the average time to use the restroom after eating your fried rice?

I'm sorry?

The average time to use the bathroom after eating your fried rice.

Well, do you have an answer?

I'm sorry?

Your fried rice that you have there, right?

House fried rice?

And what was the name?

House fried rice?

No, what was the name on the order?

My name is Cross.

Okay.

Well, I apologize.

about that um you ordered to go uh-huh so when i use the bathroom how long should it take to come

out i'm sorry you had that do you understand what i'm saying she doesn't know what the fuck i'm

talking about she's got her head up her ass sorry about what missy yeah carla ask her that joe we

have we have bbc america here good evening dragon law yeah that lady hung up the phone on me i'm

sorry that lady hung up the phone on me that i was just talking to i'm sorry i can barely hear

yet the lady hung up on me it's probably because you were cutting out sir okay well listen i had

to use the bathroom okay after i ate your rice and i don't appreciate that uh we'll do one last

one of them we got to get these guys to bite come on they got to get angry and they just hang up

all right well there goes that dark strangers cat is playing with a used tampon all right

stupid cat tuck what's up there's a crazy fly guy after you you better i don't know if you heard

that earlier tuck i just noticed you i don't think you were in a chat when it was happening

But I accused you of washing a car

With an American flag

And some guy in Tennessee is after you

Just giving you a heads up

He said he knows where you live

He might want to get the shotgun out

He thinks you're Italian by the way

Once he sees you he'll know

You know it's not true

Madhouse Radio here

Website is madhouselive.com

And thank you all for joining us tonight

On the extended Madhouse Radio Network

Cacti Radio

That's cactiradio.com

And phonelosers.org

And of course Blue Planet Prank Radio

video well if you ask me that's the real pcu that's where we all started that's where i started

this our uk 10 sent the number here a guy works at the hotel that we just called where he works

says to shout on him for carrying a cell phone while at work okay got that marked down probably

get to that later here give me a moment let me mark that as unread so it doesn't go away

that's unread okay

and jamie jaime who is a man not a woman now said they will send in more numbers we don't have any

others yet oh here it is number for the hotel and after this we're going to take a break and come

back and do lonesome loser calls we got some calls to the uk on deck uh we got uh including the one

that i just mentioned uh that uh uk tadden recommended we got another one from uh uk burlap

as well wow man lots of requests to pranks i really like you guys are making good use of the

request to prank forms within the last few weeks and i really appreciate it you guys are

use use and abuse the madhouse site man do everything you can on that bitch makes my job

easier here oh we got a five guys burgers and fries here from lonesome i love those burgers man

best burgers you can get best fast food style it's not really fast food you got to give it

some time but man and those fries also are good best fries you can get and i went to a red robin

recently for the first time that's a fun place too they got all bottomless fries bottomless steak

fries i tell you sometimes again to move for a steak fry nice thick steak fry it's like mashed

potatoes in the inside oh it's good it's good man all right blah blah blah chatty nancy here

chatty kathy who are we calling i forgot already oh it's the hotel reservations hotel reservations

operations office hours of operation are from 8 a.m to 6 p.m fail ain't gonna work all right well

poop uh real quick want to mention here um had two things that i i tried to tackle two things

a week for the madhouse site uh this week was to customize the live stream video a little better

if you're looking at it now let me know how the live stream feed looks on the chat page or

over at cacti radio let me know that's coming in nice and clear now should be nice and organized

let me know that's good number two if you're on our madhouse live chat page um in the past um

people complain not as much people complain but i had personal complaints it took way too long to

load that page there was way too much happening there was request a prank form here and podcast

player here and video and java chat and all this stuff and it just bogged down and it will crash

shoutcast it will crash this and crash that it took too long to load too much clutter i killed

killed everything on there all you got there now is uh is the java chat you got the video feed the

video image you know and uh there's one more thing there something else and the shoutcast player is

playing there so you can listen to the show watch me in chat and so that's i whittled it down i i

made it simple and i made the chat a little bigger i didn't want to make it too wide so what went

across the whole your whole monitor and you'd have to you know scroll back and forth but i i

I gave it a little more real estate there.

So let me know how it looks.

If it's loading okay for you.

I'm not missing anything that you wanted there in the past.

It should all be there still within clicks.

But I figured it's a much easier way to accommodate things.

It looks nice and simple and clean now.

To me it does at least.

So if you give me some feedback.

Either in the chat room here.

Send me an email.

Or in the forums or something like that.

Let me know how you're liking that.

So that's much approved.

Much appreciated rather.

Anyway.

So this is Madhouse Radio.

radio again we're gonna i'm gonna take a break it's not we tonight maybe tuck tuck if you're if

you want to help me out i could use a co-host if you're not busy or ted if you're out there if

you're not working anymore it'd be nice to get you on get your input on things uh when we come

back we got pranks for from uk ted uk burlap requested pranks that have come in also from dj

scott he yeah uh numbers and lonesome losers including boggs burger and brew five guard

five guys barbecue burgers and fries i can't speak english uh playa el dorado inc burger master

someone's in the mood for hamburgers i guess and a lot of numbers in the uk we're gonna get to all

those and more when we come back so don't go anywhere this is gonna be an estimated about a

five minute break and i played the wrong audio there we go that's the right playlist we're back

in about five minutes don't go anywhere you're listening to madhouse radio damn it

right after this

50,000 people are coming here

not here

I hope put your GPS in your box

when you die

open up trap door

go straight down

Madhouse Radio is back

you are bigger than a woman

better than a woman

we are always behind you

do not let a woman

make you who you are

Madhouse Radio

starting now

Madhouse Radio for October 27

leading into Friday October 28

thank you for tuning in

check out AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger

Madhouse Radio is the screen name there

MSN Messenger Madhouse

at live.com

Follow us on Twitter, Facebook

I did post a new prank call to YouTube

It's rule number 112

I'm going to try to catch those up this week here

The YouTube calls

Big Ted is online

I can't help you but Jesus will

Get on your knees

and open your Bible and read

It's why you're perplexed

you bumbaclock

I get what you're saying about the Catholic things

because us Catholics

You can do anything you want during the week

As long as you go to Mass on Sunday

And confess

You're good to go

Yeah man

It's the best religion ever

Plus we go to the Virgin Mary

We got a proxy

Virgin Mary, all the saints

Come on, get out of here

Good to talk to you Ted

Thanks for having us on Blue Planet

Good crowd showing up here

A lot of feedback from them too

We got a lot of numbers here

from Lonesome Loser. You're welcome to join in if you'd like.

Any time. Speak up.

Let me refresh the request of Prankstuses.

Is Milkman out driving his cab tonight?

Milkman is at a concert.

He's celebrating his birthday early.

His birthday's on Halloween. Imagine that.

His 100th birthday?

Yeah, his 100th.

His 99th.

His centennial.

He is at a Judas Priest concert.

I told him, you know,

they're going to make you kill a puppy

before that concert starts.

I heard, I heard.

Oh my God, Judas Priest, he is old.

I know, Judas Priest is old.

I think he graduated high school in the 80s, early 80s, I think.

He's not that, I don't know how old he is.

Oh, so he's like my sister's age, huh?

Yeah.

Alright, I got a number here for Brenda's French soul food.

Uh, wait a minute, let's do some lonesome calls, because he sent them in.

Oh, if we call the soul food place, we should put some Tupac on in the background.

Yeah, Bubba Johnson needs to call in too.

No Jay-Z, it's gotta be Tupac.

Yeah, I'm old school like that.

I don't even know any Jay-Z.

I don't know Jay who.

Yeah, back then Jay-Z was around.

He was a backup dancer for, I forget who.

He was just a dancer back then.

I can't imagine Jay-Z being a dancer now, but he was a backup dancer back in the day.

Hey, you know what?

Something I didn't realize on CD Baby, like I hadn't been to that site in years ever since iTunes and all that took over.

But they have a lot of Prank Call CDs on there for download.

Yeah, I had no idea.

I never heard of CD Baby.

What is that?

Is that a purchase, digital download, MP3?

It started out as an indie music site, like, way, you know, maybe 15 years ago.

And they, you know, you would order CDs from not-so-popular artists.

Okay.

All right, so like Independence and Underground and stuff like that.

Okay.

So I could see Prank Call Artists, if you want to call us that, would be on there.

Yeah, I could see that happen.

Yeah, yeah.

I guess we are artists in a way.

What is it you and KDK used to call it?

Improvisational telephone comedy?

Is that what it was?

I think that was KDK's term for it.

I like that.

That's a good term for it.

Should go with that.

But hey.

All right.

Well, I got a lot of hamburger places here that want some Loser Ascent.

We can do those.

Are they UK hamburger places?

No, these are in the state of Washington, of law.

Do you mind taking the first one of these?

Because I've been doing a lot of pranks straight, and I could use a prank break.

I could use a chuckle.

Okay, sure.

All right.

This is Burgermaster.

If you want, let me send you what it is in IRC

so you have an idea of what city it is and all that.

I'll send you three.

That's how we used to do it back in the day.

Back in the Brill Building, like I was saying before.

Back in the Brill Building?

You didn't hear me at the beginning of the show.

I said me and you go way back to the Brill Building.

Remember when I hit you upside the head

with one of those fucking records?

Yeah.

All right.

Send it to an IRC if you have access to it.

It's Burgermasters.

All right, I see.

I like putting S's at the end of my words.

Make things plural, but they're not supposed to be.

That's how they do it in the hood.

That's how we do.

Anyway, I wanted to mention, I do try to do two things a week to improve Madhouse.

My thing this week is to get more people in the forums and to create a new updated version 3 of the soundboard.

And I'm amassing new sound effects for the show's soundboard.

And I'll share this with all of you afterwards on the forums, and we'll post it there.

It'll be a flash soundboard. It'll be fun.

fun there you go just wanted to mention that and also real quick this is the last week for the

monthly madhouse poll if you're on the madhouse site there's a poll there right now the poll let

me go see for the month of october it'll be wrapping up here this week or this weekend rather

um it is which international place that we prank call it hasn't been pranked in a while basically

you know where do we need to prank here we haven't uh prank some like we used to we prank iran here

every once in a while and stuff like that and it's been a while since we've done pranks like that so

i put up a list of a few targets that i thought might be good targets of opportunity uh let me

pull up that poll here real quick and get quick results here but you still got a few more days

to put in your uh your opinion we got the islamic republic of iran libya venezuela uh china russia

and syria and right now the winner it's a close close but it's uh iran with uh 28 of the vote

no i take that back russia is winning ussr slash russia 30 of the vote uh followed by iran 28 of

the vote 15 to libya 16 to china uh only three percent to syria i don't even know how we'd find

numbers in syria but we could try and uh venezuela has seven votes with nine percent venezuela might

be fun but maybe a little too much spanish there for you folks you might have to do that off air

or something iran is always fun that's second place we've had a lot of fun with hotels in iran

on this show i don't know if you ever caught any of those uh ted but it's fun anyway we were going

to do a prank again this is burger master that we're calling they're in washington ted's gonna

do this one and here we go here we go oh what's going on oh hello hello answer here all right

it was ringing weird too it sounded like it was a cell phone or something i don't know all right

next one here instead then this is another burger place is it no playa el dorado you got that one i

I sent that to you.

Playa.

What is that?

I don't know.

Well, it means beach.

Let me look it up here.

Let's see.

Let's Google Playa El Dorado real quick.

I'm guessing it's probably a resort or something like that.

Centralia, Washington.

El Dorado Royale.

That doesn't make any sense.

Playa El Dorado, Inc. in Washington.

Get directions, reviews.

Hang on.

Let's see here.

Family-style restaurant.

Seafood restaurant.

Grocery stores.

What?

Oh, jeez.

I don't know.

Fresh?

Okay.

It's authentic Mexican food.

Okay.

Okay, and it's in...

In the state of Washington.

I'll send you a link to the place in case you want to look it up here.

What's a phone company in Washington?

I sent you the wrong thing.

Phone company, isn't it Pac Bell, probably?

Is that even a company anymore?

Oh, let's see.

No, Pac Bell.

God, that's going back.

Maybe it's AT&T.

They have AT&T.

Oh, well, everyone has AT&T, basically.

So there you go.

I sent you a link.

It's a huge freaking Google link.

I don't know why I sent it to you like that.

I don't know if it'll work even.

But, yeah.

Yeah.

All right, cool.

Well, let's do that instead.

I don't overthink it.

No.

Why overthink it?

Mexican place is all you need to know.

Shout out to Gangrene who's listening.

Good friend of ours, Gangrene.

Gangrene.

Need to chop that off.

Yeah, we had another listener earlier.

I didn't mention this, but they were mentioning.

I didn't mention, but they're mentioning now.

That Basil Marso, the flag guy we were talking to earlier,

was on Opie and Anthony recently.

I had no idea.

I've been listening to a lot more of Opie and Anthony lately.

lately i've been kind of turned off by uh howard i've been listening a little more oh and a i

recently listened to like somebody posted the whole eric the midget like anthology going back

to 2003 oh my god i don't know why i started listening to it but i did did you hear any of

there was a period in time when arty would um just go like bye like that to him oh my god

oh that was hilarious fuck you bye he'd start talking and aries was like bye okay see ya bye

no i'm not fuck you oh god he doesn't even call the show he's got health problems or something

he can't stay up anymore something bad's happened with him i guess he's they i think they told him

he was only supposed to live till it was like 15 or something 19 or something yeah and he's

He's going strong, but apparently his health has taken a turn for the worse,

and he can't stay on hold for a long time, so he doesn't call in to show it really anymore.

They talk to him in the news, like the Howard News, but...

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Blah, blah, blah.

Prank call.

Arr, arr, arr.

Getting the number.

Copying the number.

Going to Skype.

Pasting the number.

Engage.

I can sell.

Number one.

What is it called again?

El Dorado.

I guess it's kind of late for a Mexican restaurant.

time is it left coast side 915 yeah i guess maybe we sat on those for too long

let me get something else here hands burgers hands burgers like han solo oh hans burger i guess

hands burgers okay no i guess it doesn't matter what it is send you the deets an asian woman

answer let's see they're still open they're probably gonna say oh we're closed now that's

my experiences but we'll see we got uk numbers we can get to just trying to burn these off where

they close okay okay okay no burger for you know what you want no fries no burgers no nothing not

even a chicken sandwich damn probably better for you to have the burger these days than a chicken

sandwich um shameless reminding us that jay-z was a hype man for big daddy kane not a backup dancer

i'll take your word for it i could i just could have sworn i saw that he was a backup dancer for

somebody who says i have lovely sister tupac i think was a backup dancer wasn't now tupac was

was a backup dancer for um for the the what was it digital underground i think that's i think i'm

accurate there i think tupac was a backup dancer or a rapper oh wow i guess they all start out that

way huh yeah you kind of send a hype man you know p diddy puff daddy sean combs whatever he was

called back then he was a hype man and dancer kind of guy shameless reminding us yes digital

underground there we go the humpty i don't even know i wish i had that song because in other words

that like the first song tupac came on actually rapped for digital underground and he killed it

but he had a pretty cool rap in one of those songs.

And then he had that Tupacalypse Now came out,

and it was all over from there.

All right, blah, blah, blah.

I'm going with the most recent number here.

It's the Ice Harbor Brewery.

Brewery.

Ice Harbor.

Harbor.

All right, send you the details.

Every time you hear one of those, that is a new...

Ooh, massage place in Hawaii.

There we go.

That might work out.

I like a massage-y.

Every time you hear one of those,

that's a new request of prank hitting the email, the inbox.

box so don't think i'm shutting the computer down that's what it is i can't it doesn't give

me the option that program that it notifies me during the show it doesn't give me an option to

change the sound and it's stuck on that window shutdown noise i don't get it no what you gonna

do what can you do the hell is this again i have like no memory ice harbor brewery this is emily

how can i help you hi uh what's your name again emily hi emily i'm uh preston from at&t hi there

Hi, I'm outside on the pole, testing the line a bit, and people in the neighborhood have been complaining about not being able to hear people on the other end of the phone.

Can you hear me okay?

Yeah, absolutely.

Okay, so if you could do me a big favor, I need to make sure that different sounds can come through the phone.

So if you could make like a low humming sound, could you do that for me?

just like sort of a hmm okay heard that thanks um now i need to try sort of like a medium tone

so if you go now that sounded like the low one again could you bring it up a little bit great

awesome i could hear that now i just need to do the high range of the sound so if you go

like that could you go a little higher great great okay i think i've got this uh fixed now

Now what I need you to do is sort of bring it all together.

If you could go,

If you could just bring it all, bring it all.

Yeah, it's really important that I get this done.

Can you just sort of bring it all together?

Excellent, excellent, excellent.

Well, have you considered voice talent?

I can hear it.

Okay, so thank you for your time.

We appreciate you helping us.

And if you have any problems hearing people on the other end of the line,

just let us know and we can go through this again.

Yeah.

Bye-bye.

She was kind of cunty there at the end.

She was too happy.

...you have used to dial.

You fat.

Wow.

Okay.

I thought that was appropriate there.

All right.

Well, she actually did it.

That was nice of her.

Yeah.

I didn't think it would get that far.

I know.

She was upset.

Like, you're making me do you.

Yeah.

Kind of got that out of her.

We got the Gamers Inn, a store full of nerds and furries.

You got to love furries.

They are open 24 hours.

Oh, my God.

Really?

Really? 24-Hour Nerd and Furry

Story. All right.

You know, they get dressed like animals and

stuff. It's funny.

Speaking of the Howard...

Yeah, those people. So speaking of the Howard Stern

show, there was a furry convention in Pittsburgh

and they sent someone out there

and one guy

admitted that he's had sex with

dogs.

Oh, dude. I got a friend

that on YouTube. I want to hear that again. Me and

Athena and I, we were going to the doctor's appointment

and we were on our way back and we heard it.

It's one of the things where we got to our destination

and we had to sit there and listen to it.

It was just that captivating.

My cat is howling

behind the door.

He's not going to do anything interesting

when I open this door.

He's just going to be like...

That's what my cat did last week.

He was howling.

Let me in.

He just lays down on the futon.

I had to throw stuff at him to make him exciting.

Let me call the furries here.

I got an idea.

Okay.

Now he's just like, yeah, he's just like scratching around.

Present.

Yeah, hi, listen.

I've got a complaint here.

There was a man who was defecating on your property, and I don't appreciate that.

My son saw that.

Where?

Outside.

We were going to park in there to go purchase some cards or something like that.

My son dragged me down to the store of yours, okay?

Okay.

And there's a man in a cat costume or some kind of animal costume, and they're playing some game out there.

And the next thing I know, he's squatting like he's an animal.

and he defecated on the floor outside in front of my car in front of me and my kid yes i was

parked up front some man in a cat costume or dog costume i don't know what the hell it was he he

like basically crossed down like it was an animal and he pooped in front of my kids my kid was like

what's that dad and this guy was like just right there pooping right in front of everybody you know

what my daddy's been to jail i mean i can glad i mean i wish you would i wish you told me that

I'm glad we've done something about it.

Do you have a cordless phone?

Do I?

Yes, I'll walk out there right now.

Go out there right now, and I want you to tell me you see that poop right there that he left.

It's right in the front.

By a blue...

I mean, I'm out the front door right now.

I'm out here out in the front door.

Yeah, keep going.

Where are you?

I need to know where in the front, from the front.

Where are you at with the blue thing?

I'm right by the blue Bronco.

Maybe go a little further out towards the street.

Okay, hold on one second.

Someone watch the counter for me.

All right.

Keep going.

I'm in the middle of the parking lot.

Keep going.

going where are where though which way do i go go towards the street more all right there's like

different parking spots up here yeah keep going front of your car yes he bent down in front of

me he bent he crashed in a position right in front of my car and he let out poop he was pooping all

the gravel is between the parking lot and the main road all right i am not seeing any poop here

you see right in front where the road is on the curb yeah right on the road on the curb if they're

They're on the main road.

I can't do nothing about my outfit, but...

No, I'm holding you responsible.

The guy I asked him what you're doing

and said, I'm a member of the furry club inside, he said.

And he said that he...

Well, that's pretty hard

because we banned all furries from here

about three weeks ago.

Well, he said he had a right to do it, he told me.

No, he did not.

And I could actually have the manager talk to you

if you wanted,

but, I mean, we banned all furries

when we changed our hours.

Why, they were doing that nasty stuff there?

Well, they were starting...

I don't know about that nasty stuff,

but they started to make this place a hangout,

and they were just hanging out outside all the time.

Basically, when we changed our hours, we banned all furries.

So they're not supposed to be here at all.

Well, listen.

And if something like that was ever to happen,

I wish I said something that they were outside,

I would have gone out there and took care of it.

I'm holding you responsible that this man in a cat costume

was pooping in front of everybody there.

Okay, I have no control over what one person does.

There was a whole group of them.

Is that manager there you can put him on?

Yeah, hold on. Call him on. Pick up.

There's a guy here that wants to talk to the manager about furries.

He's sitting on the parking lot.

And I tried explaining to him that, I mean, we banded all furries,

but he said he wants to talk to a manager.

All

right, he's coming up.

He'll be coming up in a second.

He was in the back.

Okay.

But, I mean, yeah, I mean, we banned, like, I don't know if you knew our hours before,

But we had our hours where we were 24-7.

And about three weeks ago, we changed our hours to Thursday to noon until Sunday to midnight.

And when we did that, we banned all ferries from being allowed to come here.

You banned them?

Yeah, we went to where they're not allowed to come here.

But they might have done that just because we banned them, and we had no control over that

because we told them not to come here anymore.

Yeah, well, you guys need to sanitize that parking lot.

I'm going to report you guys unless you bring a crew out to sanitize the entire parking lot.

Okay, well, the manager's coming out.

Like I said, I mean, we did ban them.

I mean, and I can't watch the parking lot 24-7.

We do our best.

I don't care if you banded them together or not.

They're banding together.

They're going outside and defecating.

Who knows what else they're doing out there, disgusting people like that.

And those people doing drugs.

I saw on TV that those furry people were doing drugs.

Drugs on our premises at all.

We don't allow that kind of stuff here.

Well, you used to.

Three weeks ago, you let the drug people there.

I did what?

You let drug people there three weeks ago.

I did not, sir.

I don't know which drug people you're talking about.

Well, the drug people and the furry stuff and the guy, they're so out of their mind on crack cocaine and methamphetamines that they're pooping everywhere.

Well, I don't know which people you were talking about, sir, but I said we've banned them for reasons for them just getting out here and not doing nothing.

Where's the manager?

He's coming up. I just called him.

It's taking a long time.

Wow, so you sell energy drinks there?

What?

You sell energy drinks there, don't you?

Yeah, we sell energy drinks.

Oh, God. No wonder.

I'm just with a call.

Who's that guy? Is that the guy?

No, it's not the manager, but the manager's coming up front, sir.

Is that the guy that was pooping in the parking lot, the crap there that you got?

No.

Is this a prank call?

No.

Time's worth more than that.

Get off the phone with this numbskull.

Yeah.

You put him on the phone right now.

The manager, sir.

The manager will be here in a second.

I'm writing this down in my report.

Okay.

What's your name?

My name's Tiny.

And what's the other guy's name?

The guy who was saying that he's going to hang up on me, that I'm a numbskull.

I heard what he said.

What's he say?

What's his name?

No, I'm writing all this down in my report.

I want to know.

Because I'm getting with the health commission, the health people, the Department of Health.

He said that apparently a furry crapped in front of his car when he brung his kid to buy cards.

And tell him that I'm making a report to the Department of Health.

Tell that guy that, too.

That person got banned.

No, all furries got banned from here.

There's more that we can do.

Legally liable for anything else.

We cleaned it up.

That guy just went to the L.A.

Do people covering for this?

These people are covering for them.

You hear them in the background?

They're covering for each other.

I know they're all involved in this.

They do these things there.

I heard about this on 2020 where they do these things.

They act like animals and they do defecate and everything on each other.

And they try to keep a secret.

Are you there, sir?

I'm right here, sir.

I had seen a report on this where you furries, you defecate,

and you do all these rituals and stuff like that,

and that you had this whole culture and everything like that.

And that's exactly what that man, that disgusting, perverted man,

did in front of me and my son.

We do not allow that kind of stuff here, so I don't know how it is our fault, sir.

No, you can do this on your property.

Our business is responsible for employees, and none of our employees have nothing to do with that.

The wires are a man dressed like some kind of cat animal outside defecating, pulling out his private parts.

That has not happened since I've been here, sir.

I don't know where that came from.

It happened today.

If someone would have told us that happened outside, we would have went out and took care of something like that.

But nobody told us.

What about the cameras that you're supposed to have?

We have no cameras for outside.

side. There's children going there. You don't have

cameras.

We're literally not...

It's like going to Walmart and trying to sue the guy

while you're standing next door

trying to sue somebody.

That man sure has a lot to say.

You put him on the phone.

How about this, sir?

Can I just give you the email so you can email the manager?

Let me talk to that. Let me talk to that guy.

Let me talk to that smart-mouthed little man.

Well, I don't need you

giving me attitude now

Now, I'm trying to talk to you and being civil, and now you're snapping at me.

He's giving me attitude.

Let me talk to that smart man so I don't have to take it out on you.

He thinks he's so smart.

He's disgusting.

The email's on our website.

You can go to the website.

I just told him to tell you.

I don't use the Internet.

My son's not allowed to use the Internet anymore because of this.

We can do.

Okay.

So, no.

There's literally nothing we can do.

Put him on the phone.

He's not working right now.

He's a woman.

You tell him I said he's a woman.

Tell him.

I'm not getting into this drama, and I have other customers.

I have to take care of.

I'm going to come down

and I'm going to hit you

in the head

with a fucking

wooden mallet.

Hey.

Oh.

Wooden mallet, eh?

Wooden mallet.

I don't know

where that came from.

I'm going to hit you

with a wooden mallet.

Good God.

That dude in the background

was belligerent as shit.

I know,

so I wanted to talk to him.

I kept begging that

one tiny to put him

on the phone.

Wish we could have

got tiny on the phone.

Yeah.

Well, tiny's who we had.

We met the other guy.

He was like,

Oh, that's right, yeah.

Yeah.

The other guy's who we needed.

I'm trying again.

You call.

Tell them you crapped in the parking lot.

I could call them and tell them that somebody is threatening me.

Threatening you.

All right.

Like, accusing you.

Accusing you of pooping in the parking lot.

Of pooping in the parking lot.

Gamers in.

Hello?

Yes.

Did somebody just call over there?

Yes, they did.

And they were talking about somebody they saw pooping in the parking lot.

Alright, is this a joke or what's going on, sir?

Alright, let me tell you what's going on.

This person has been threatening me, saying that he saw me pooping in the parking lot, which is not true.

Alright, well, this is coming from the same phone, so I have a feeling this is a prank call.

So this is where I'm going to hang up.

Curries are not allowed here, so I'm not dealing with this anymore.

Have a good day.

From the same phone.

Yeah, I know.

He figured us out.

I should have called him from the Google Voice.

Damn it, he got me there.

Well, it wasn't a great idea anyways.

alright well that was kind of fun I guess

that was pooping in the parking lot

furries

pooping in the parking lot

I'm definitely going to find

that video it's got to be on

YouTube the furries from the Stern show

the convention because that was funny audio

good radio they even talked about

if I remember there was a guy who said that

he was lucky enough to work at a job

where they let him be in his costume while he

worked he worked in a five star

restaurant in the kitchen

and he wore his tail

while he's dressed as a cat and wore his tail

and they let him work

crazy huh

I guess I don't understand it

what if you got hair in your food

what would you explain

whatever tail like dipped inside your soup

I know it's gross

like my cat's stupid with his tail

he'll knock stuff off down from my desk all the time

with his tail he's so dumb

he'll knock stuff down

I guess he scares himself

so anywho well more numbers that was good thank you whoever i forgot who sent that in but that

was a good number we had fun those guys are gullible i think i'll save that on the big board

what was that place called uh gamers in i even got the website furries are banned they had the

band the furries that's too funny banded yeah banded banded oh yeah look at the website they

got magic the gathering yugioh people still play yugioh i used to play a lot of magic the gathering

ring too expensive man way too expensive of a game to get into hang on uh i'm just adding this

contact here real quick give me a second full name uh called furries you know venison has

an alternate personality that's a furry oh no really he calls it yiffer i don't know what that

is well yiff is like the sex furry sex thing isn't it i think yeah he has like a um an account on

on twitter called yiffer and he does like a whole voice really like a modulated voice does he get

yiffer does he get into it and stuff like dress up or is it just no no it's just a goof like he

does it in team speak yeah he scared me i thought or on the radio no he's not really a furry oh

that's funny well him being venison named venison i thought he'd be like a deer or something you

know i don't know all right okay folks let's continue jill reminding us all that tales are

are what gives cats amazing balance thank you very much good point i wish i had a tail i have

the most i don't want a tail i have a thick horse cocktail if i had one tell you what okay this is

a nice song hey this is italian yeah i thought you'd like this all right we got uh speaking of

uh songs like this more numbers from lonesome loser starting off with vip relaxation i uh

I want an answer there.

I could use VIP relaxation.

I could, too.

You know, nice massage.

You know, Milkman was all stressed out the other day.

I told him he needed to go out and get himself an Asian massage and not ask any questions.

Go to the ATM, you pull out $120 and...

You know, I'm curious about all over San Jose, there's these places that have been popping up

called Lime Drop Body and Foot Massage.

It's like $20 for a massage.

And they're like all...

Yeah, and the front windows of these places you can't see in.

There's dark curtains blocking out, so it's like no one can see into the place.

I think they're massaging more than the feet.

Oh, yeah, it starts at $20.

See, what you do, Ted, is the first thing you do is you use a money clip.

You don't use a wallet, so they can see all the cash you have on you.

And then you leave that on the table when you first get there.

And they're like, oh, yeah, I have a lot of money.

He is into us.

And then when they ask you, have you been there before, you always say yes.

Always say yes.

I don't know.

I don't do these things.

You just know how to do it.

I just know.

Well, I looked up line drop, and it says the voltage drop existing between two points on a power line or transmission line.

So there you go.

Line drop or lime drop?

Oh, lime.

L-I-N-E.

Yeah, like lime in the coconut.

Oh, really?

Okay.

It sounds like it would be a nice place to get MP3s at.

Let's see.

Lime drop.

Recipe.

Lime drop events.

Rochester.

I don't think I see Lime Drop here.

Lime Drop Spa, San Jose.

Here we go.

This spa is nicely decorated and hidden away.

My table massage was attractively priced.

And while it wasn't the best one, I've...

Hang on, let's see this.

I'm curious.

This is Yelp.

Someone would tell us on Yelp if it was happening, right?

Let's see.

Trying to help you out here.

I'm kidding.

I know you're married.

I'm trying to get you to tell me.

Well, you know, website of town.

Kidding.

uh the masseuse was friendly and checked several times that she was using the right amount of

pressure i was comfortable relaxed enough to doze off which is a good sign only negative was a

couple of drunk men in for i guess their first foot massage who were loud and obnoxious they

were intrigued by what was going on behind the curtains uh and ruined the last 10 minutes of

my session with their noise uh-huh i don't know what the drunk men were there for uh someone else

says this must be the absolute worst foot spa in the whole bay area i have been to many of these

chinese relaxology and never had a terrible massage like this one uh okay my masseuse is a

young blonde gentleman he took me into a really dark room and brought a boiling tub of water

that was burning my feet what the hell i don't know it sounds creepy absolutely no pressure

when touching my arms even though I had marked high pressure he kept brushing his hands on me

while he continued to tell me about his life and what he wanted to do not professional at all I

noticed a clicking noise and opened my eyes to see that he was touching my arm with one hand

and texting with the other I was in shock and had no idea what to do then he continued to talk

until his phone rang and he picked up and said hello and chatted for a couple minutes about

about nonsense okay that's not uh praise for the lime drop no i'm telling we'll do let's see one

more i just got back one hour massage been several times to asian places expecting my

job to do the same not in practice my massage was given by vince vince spoke loudly and harshly

to one of the women employees several times about closing the door okay way too much oil

oil use even after showering as soon as i got home the oil he used vince is a smoker blah blah blah

yeah i don't think it's one of those dirty places it doesn't sound very appealing i left in the

middle of my massage and only paid to avoid a confrontation as this place made me really

uncomfortable i have a master's massage therapist certification with more than 600 hours blah blah

blah and i've received a lot of good massages my expectations were not set high but i expected at

least to get an equivalent hour massage uh last minute decision to get a massage first red flag

came after fill out a card indicating which areas needed work i checked strong pressure the woman

at the front verbally confirmed this blah blah blah okay the massage this is too long this guy

talks i don't want to read all this man don't you love how people when they give a comment they

always have to like list out all their credentials to say well i've got a phd in relaxation therapy

so you know this massage was not good and my opinion is more valuable evan kept sniffing as

if he was sick and i was concerned he didn't blow his nose into a tissue instead continued to

sniffle 30 minutes into the massage she said i'm not really sure what else to do he complained i

I don't like these chairs.

I'm used to working on a table.

I turned over and suggested he worked on my arms.

He said I really need to do something else.

I thought he was referring to my massage, but no.

He was discussing his career.

Okay.

Wow, it seems like all the people who work there don't want to work there.

Oh, man.

I guess it's not.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, we could call the.

I want to call that place, not complain.

I got a number here.

Later, later.

All right.

Look, back on track here.

you know the open sign on on these like different massage places in san jose it's like on all the

time really like i'll be driving home from a hockey game like 11 p.m you drive by no sign is still on

so i think they like are open all night or something maybe right that don't make sense

well you should look into it you know a nice relaxing massage after a hockey game yeah go for

it i don't like strange people touching my body yeah that's not i go to like a licensed you know

know place or something i don't know about a place like that it's kind of weird and get sick or

something you don't want that um here's what i noticed i might the skype account that i have

doesn't have include hawaii or alaska so i can't i don't have i got like 50 cents left here can you

dial these numbers yeah i have to get my ass up get back to the computer machine ah sorry i got

this wireless headset all right copy them too sorry to bother you appreciate it oh no problem

Just give me the number.

I'm going to see what Milkman's got to say.

Yes!

Ted only lets blood relatives touch him.

Hey, Milkman.

What?

Hey, I'm going to call you from Skype.

Don't go anywhere.

Milkman HD.

I'm going to call you back.

Milkman HD.

All right, everybody.

Pardon us while we were reading Yelp.

We've got more numbers loaded up here.

These are Asian massages that have come in from Lonesome Loser as well as our listener,

Hamey Jimey.

Oh, holla-roo-roo.

Holla-roo-roo.

And while Ted works on that, I will connect Milkman again.

Please enjoy the following music while your party is being reached.

Yo.

What's up, Milkman?

What's awesome?

Paul.

All right.

Is he still at the concert?

I think so.

Milkman, are you at the concert still?

Concourse.

Why aren't you here?

At the concert?

Yeah, tell me.

Who's in concert again?

I've already forgotten.

Judas Priest.

That's too loud.

Sorry, Milkman.

I can't deal with that right now.

It's way too loud.

Let me call it from the concert.

Oh, wow.

This is Club 939.

Hello, 939.

Hello?

Hello.

Hi.

Are you guys still open there tonight?

Yes.

What kind of stuff you got going there tonight?

You got live music?

Club.

Sorry?

Dancing.

Oh, okay.

What kind of dancing do they do?

I'm here in Honolulu with my family, and the kids are having trouble sleeping, and I want

to bring them out and have a good time.

Oh, there's now a club for kids.

Well, it's just dancing, right?

No, it's exotic dancing.

Oh, you mean like with palm trees and stuff?

No, strippers.

Strippers.

What are those?

I gotta go, bro.

No, seriously, what's going on there?

It's a strip club.

I don't understand what that means.

What is that?

Okay, call somebody else.

Bye.

Come on, we just want to know, guy.

Shit.

What is it, like a secret?

I don't know.

I'll tell you, Asian guy.

If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you.

I'm calling him back.

Yeah, come on back, Ryan.

Yeah, what's up? My name is Bubba Johnson.

What's up, man?

Hey, you guys hiring down there?

Hiring for security?

Yeah.

No.

How many dudes you got up in there protecting the girl?

It all depends on the day.

Now, I know, you know, hear me out here.

What about having a black man dancing?

I know it's not something you're used to doing, but, you know, I need to get some work in and get that rent paid.

So, you know, what if I came down there and danced, like, with the girls?

Nah, we don't do that.

Why? You don't let a man dance?

No, we don't let no man dance in this club, bro.

Why not? Is you gay or something? You afraid that you're going to get excited?

No, it has nothing to do with gayness, bro. We have girls dancing.

I think the problem is you're gay and you're afraid of looking at a gay man.

Hey, nigga, kiss my ass, homie. Fuck you.

started a damn race war there asians and black people don't get along you know

service with a smile man that's like the riots all over you know damn koreans that's funny

what's wrong with the black guy dancing i'm wrong with that yeah he's just afraid probably

make a lot of money hey man we hit 99 listeners i still can't break that 100 peak uh total i keep

watching it. We're close. Not just

on you. I'm

adding Cacti Radio and

the other one. What's that one called?

Blue Planet something?

Between those two. I keep getting close

but not quite there. One day. And I keep saying

I'll take off my pants on the air if we get

100. So watch out. Tell your friends

to tune in. And that's Uniques

bastards. I'm watching.

Better be Uniques. It's like 56 on

Blue Planet. Blue Planet.

We got 40 Uniques on

Cacti. So we're getting there.

oh just oh but then you have the stream the video no i have shoutcast because there's people

watching the video but not but they're watching video but not listening they're listening and

it's on my page there's 30 people on the live stream video i guess you could say

oh shit now i gotta take my pants off thanks a lot ted damn it man

that was a joke i was never gonna admit to it anyway absolute paradise gay hawaii bnb there

There we go.

A B&B?

A bed and breakfast?

Let me do it.

Make it so, number one.

Maybe it is a bad phone number.

Maybe it is.

We can pass on that one.

You need more?

We got more.

I got one more.

The VIP relaxation.

Okay.

There we go.

I'll take this one.

Hi, relaxation?

Yeah.

Okay, do you take reservation or you just come in?

Oh, we just work.

Do you take reservation?

No.

You can call anytime.

I can come in anytime?

Okay.

And then you have women or men that do massage?

What?

Woman or man does massage there?

Oh, we not do the massage, no.

What?

We not do the massage.

We just do the relaxation, not massage place.

What's relaxation you do?

You play music?

No, you just check it out.

What do you do?

I don't know.

No massage, just relaxation?

Yeah, no massage.

Oh, no massage?

So what do you do?

Yeah.

Aroma, candles?

You just come by and then check it out, okay?

Oh, you make dinner for me?

Nice dinner?

Steak?

masturbation that's a flim flam place you see that they don't want to admit it they do dirty

stuff there that's how you find out so what did they do man they don't do massage like oh you just

need to come and see we don't do massage you just come if you there's uh there i used to read there's

a blog uh a female masseuse who and she got her license and she was blogging like once a week

and she ended up needing money

and she went to one of those Asian places

and got a job where they do

the happy endings and stuff and she talked all about

the industry and she said the way to know

is if you call and they're Asian

and when you call to make a reservation

they say no no no reservation just come in

she said that's the place that does that

because they don't take reservations

they don't keep books in those places

that's a dirty place not that you need that

are you taking a bath over there what's going on

no I'm washing out the coffee pot

make more coffee

Good.

More coffee.

You're setting up for tomorrow morning, I hope.

You shouldn't have coffee late.

It's bad for your heart.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

I don't know.

Italians, like, get coffee in their veins, you know.

Yeah, I know.

I've been drinking a lot of coffee, Ted.

It's bad.

Like, really bad with the coffee lately.

Like, I make, like, eight cups.

Like, I fill it up to the eight, and I drink all that in the morning.

Hmm.

Yeah.

Well, eight cups is a lot.

Yeah.

But they say, you know, people can drink four to six cups a day and be okay.

I'm doing eight just in the morning, and sometimes I have more in the afternoon.

And then I read an article that came out this week that there's some kind of link between coffee and skin cancer.

No joke.

Jeez, it's like there's a link between everything and something.

Anything you do, dude.

And I think it's just the water that does it.

That's probably where the link is, skin cancer and water, to be honest with you.

sent you a number there excuse me pardon me chinese kitchen uh more numbers in hawaii

a street well you're you're filling the coffee pot so you're probably busy right now anyway

oh i i um i can type it in okay hose chinese kitchen yep sent you to mayor ace two more ace

strip service hot spot video these come from lonesome uh they do you have any uk credits

is that can we call the uk at all i can call some i don't want to eat up your credits well let's

Let's see, I'll um, I

I'll call the

hotspot video.

Okay, sounds good.

Call her a number.

I wanted to see if you had some certain

Do you have the Nova special called the Elegant Universe?

No, we don't. We only have adult videos over here.

Yeah, this one's for adults. It says grades 9 and plus.

No, I mean like X-rated videos.

Can I ask some other videos? Maybe you have them?

Sure.

Do you have Toy Story?

We don't.

Can you tell me what Disney videos you have?

I don't have any Disney videos over here.

Oh. Well, what are the popular videos? Which one, you know, do your customers like the most?

We only have adult, X-rated videos.

Could you tell me a couple titles, so I get an idea?

You know, porno videos.

What are a couple of the titles, though?

To the Bone, Tits Ahoy.

What was that? Tits Ahoy?

To the Bone.

Tits Ahoy.

Tits Ahoy 10.

Tits Ahoy 10?

They made 10?

Oh, wow.

It's like Harry Potter.

I think so.

Yeah.

So Tits Ahoy is like Harry Potter then?

I don't know.

Okay, maybe I'll get that one.

Do you have any Harry Potter movies?

No, we don't.

Could you hold on to Tits Ahoy for me?

He's coming by.

I'm taking the kids for ice cream, and then afterwards we're going to come over.

The kids don't allow them, of course.

Why?

You said you have the movies like Harry Potter.

No, Sid, we don't have movies like Harry Potter.

We have adult videos.

You know what is an adult?

18 and over kind of people.

Oh, like High School Musical or something?

No.

High School, it's like 18 and over.

You know, like when you get birthdays, you get like 18, 19.

I graduated high school when I was 27.

Yeah, you have to be 18 and over.

Okay.

Hey, Jim.

Yeah.

He said he has movies that the kids like

Like Harry Potter

They have Harry Potter

They have Chips Ahoy

I like that, that sounds good

Chips Ahoy

Do you have Tits Ahoy there?

No, sir

There you go

Maybe it was a patient

Hello?

Mr. Porno

Call him back

I want to ask the description on Tits Ahoy

That sounds fun

He hung up

Tits Ahoy

And then he said Tits Ahoy 10

Yeah

Can you call him back?

I want to ask about Tits Ahoy

I want to see like

Can you read the description?

Tits Ahoy 10

I was a big fan of 8 through 9.

I can't believe he was explaining to me what birthdays are.

It's like, you know when you have birthdays?

You know, and then you're 18.

18 years later, then you get the movie.

I can't find the captain.

They're asking in the chat room, where's the captain at?

I lost it again.

I don't know.

Oh, I think I see it under a bunch of wires.

It looks like a lot of work.

I think I see it down there somewhere.

Hotspot video.

Yes, hi.

Hi, I was wondering if you have a movie, Tits Ahoy 8?

You know what, you're wasting my time, you know, you should not waste my time like that.

No, but I just need to know if you have it there before I come in.

Do you mind?

No, we don't.

Do you have any of the Tits Ahoy movies?

I don't know, finally you called me before and I told you if I had or not, yeah.

Well, I called last week and you told me about a movie you had.

No, I haven't called you, you called.

No, I haven't called today.

How come your number is on my caller ID?

I don't know, is there a problem with your phone?

Maybe from last week?

Call ID says that same number that called Little Wallable.

Maybe because I called once and it didn't go through.

Well, I might call you back.

Let me call you back later on.

Why?

Can you just tell me if you have Titsahoy 10?

We do.

All right, can you read the description to me, please?

No, I can't.

Oh, come on.

I just want to know if it's better than 8 or 9 because I saw 8 was really good.

No, I'll call you back.

Maybe when I have time, I'll call you back and read the description to you.

No, read it now.

Damn it.

I'll call you back.

Let me take down the number so I can call you back.

Okay, I got it.

What's the number?

Okay, I'll call you back at your house, okay?

That's not my...

Oh, don't call my house.

My wife will pick up.

No, please.

My wife will pick up.

No.

Oh, shit.

I don't want to get you in trouble until your wife's going to pick up.

It's Skype.

I know.

You don't have a Skype?

You have a Skype-in number?

Probably not.

No, I don't.

It used to be cheap.

Now it's expensive.

Yeah.

I'm getting that.

I don't know what number it'll give them.

It's a random number.

It gives out a 661 sometimes.

times sometimes it gives out an 888 i think i've seen it come up different ways different times

i don't know maybe get some my ip address that'd be funny if he had ip address with the dots and

everything 192.168 yeah okay private ip ah well i guess all i have else only they're gonna give

you no a strip service excuse me i'm sorry i'm not sure i don't want to do that let me do a

number here let me let me dial one i got a local one you take a break okay if you can stay on oh

I don't have a name for this number, but it's in West Virginia.

I'm just going to act goofy.

Ted hit his head over there.

No, I hit the mic.

Sorry.

Oh, crazy.

A number of listeners on Blue jumped again.

Did a jump.

Well, thank you, everyone, for listening on Blue Planet Prank Radio.

What's the website for Blue Planet?

Is it BluePlanetHosting?

Is that it?

Yeah, it's BluePlanetHosting.us.

The name has nothing to do with pranks, but, you know.

Eh, whatever.

It works.

It's because I used to run a bunch of other things

You had Shoutcast hosting

Not Shoutcast

You had

What was it?

Ventrilo

TeamSpeak

You had that whole ticketing system going on

I remember

I got lazy and took everything off

It looked fun at the time

She tells me add

Add to the conference

But it's not dialing the stupid number

It just sits here

It was doing that to me too

I'll try call phone, so I'll paste it in here.

Paste.

Dial.

I just get call.

I get call phone.

I don't get the option to add.

Skype usability is crap.

Yeah, it says my current call will be put on hold.

Oh, wait.

Wait, okay.

There was a pop-up, and it said you're trying to add something, and that I would be charged,

so I just okayed it.

Oh, okay.

But you shouldn't be charged.

Oh.

What the hell?

Okay.

Nunu says you used to post porno.

I did?

Yeah, that's what Nudu says.

I figured you out.

You used to host, what was it called?

Tits Ahoy?

Yeah.

TitsAhoy.us.

All right.

Did it work?

Did you get the call to work?

If your call, should I call it?

Did you allow it?

Try again.

It didn't seem to take.

Tarded.

This radio removed from this conversation.

He's still dead silence on the show this week.

I have a lot to edit out.

All right.

Did he get a pop-up now?

Now I see something.

Okay.

What's up, Mario?

Yes, Mexican food, right?

Yes.

When you put the tacos in the machine, does it come out steamed or hot and spicy?

How does it come out?

What?

When you put the tacos in the machine, does it come out steamed, hot, or spicy?

Okay, let me...

Wait.

Let me ask you, okay?

Is you a Mexican?

She went to go get somebody who could talk to you or something.

There you go.

Hi.

Are you the English speaker?

Hello.

You said hello.

I'm saying hello back.

God damn it.

Those Mexicans are always so timid and afraid.

God, I get so tired of it, man.

No one has to deal with it in her work.

all the time she says there's nothing to make fun of or nothing but god come on grow a pair

grow sack can you redial do i have to do something here uh let me see if i can read out yeah i think

i can yes i think i can i think i can yes hi we were talking hello yes yeah we were talking the

phone did something happen with the phone uh-huh yeah i wanted to make an order something yeah i

had a question do you have fish tacos yes okay when you put the fish taco in the oven does it

or spicy? We're gonna grill or fry. Yeah, but steamed, hot, or spicy, how do they come out?

You grill or fry them. What does that mean? Come on the grill. Uh-huh. Is that steamed? It's not

spicy. It doesn't come out spicy at all or? No, no. It's just it's on the grill. Okay, and how

many of those fish tacos, how many does it come in with it? What kind of fish? It's two-fifth

each taco. It's a tilapia. Tilapia, you don't have bluefish? No. You put the taco on the grill

Or just a fish on the grill on the grill the what the taco itself or the grill the taco goes in the grill?

Or the fish goes on the grill the taco. Yeah, so do you cook the fish supper you?

I'm just asking before

Home back

He's like, you know what? Oh my god, you know what you're gonna eat it and like it ask too many questions

Just ask to talk to El Jefe.

Hello.

Hola.

Bueno.

Alto.

Hello.

Usted me oye.

Buenas tardes.

Buenas noches.

Hello.

Responde.

Hey, Ryan.

¿Dónde está el sanitario?

El queso está viejo y asbestoso.

Chupa la piña, la maricona.

It's a beat.

Hello.

Señor.

Bueno.

I want to speak to El Jefe.

Is Jefe there?

I need to speak with Mr. Jefe.

Jefe, wey.

Ryan Terminato El Calo.

Si, senor.

Ryan, terminate the call, please.

No, te hung up on me.

We'll wait for Ted to call back.

Esperamos que Ted llame otra vez de nuevo. Gracias.

Hello, Mr. Horse.

I do the milkman all the time, don't worry.

Yeah, I just, I hit the big hang up button.

Yeah, I know, it's quite easy to do that.

Alright, well, getting ready to wrap things up here pretty soon.

I think we should get off and let somebody else talk.

Well, if you get off, I can't, well, I can call UK, that's fine.

Alright, well, no one else will call me.

But it was good talking to you, Ted.

Thanks for letting me on Blue Planet.

And thanks for helping me out with some Hawaii calls.

Hey.

No problem.

Good to have you.

Much appreciated.

Good to hear you.

All right.

We'll talk to you soon, my friend.

Goodbye.

That is Ted, everybody.

Dun, dun.

Pow.

Hodori Restaurant, LA.

Thank you.

This is Hodori.

Hi.

This is Hodo.

Hodo?

Hodori.

Hodo.

Yeah.

I had an order for Hodo.

What do you got?

What's your special today from Hodo?

No lunch special. You're morning 7 o'clock. You're 3 o'clock. You're morning 7. You're PM 3 o'clock. You're not, you're dinner, you know, lunch special.

Okay. Okay, so I'm making, Jesus Christ, lady. You know, do you want business or what? I can't believe that these people come from other countries and they don't even want, I don't even know what the fuck she said.

I guess she was saying that they don't have lunch specials at this time.

No shit, stupid.

It's only 2 o'clock in the morning.

Really, you don't have lunch specials?

Yes, I was trying to make an order, and you hung up before I got a chance to give it to you.

Yeah.

Okay.

Order, please.

Ready?

Yes.

This is for pickup.

Okay.

Do you need my phone number?

Your menu.

Menu?

Number 12?

Number 12.

Uh-huh.

That's it?

Lunch special?

No lunch special.

Oh, but...

Only $8.75, maybe regular order.

Like regular order?

Yes.

Okay, and then you have shit in the box?

No lunch box.

Shit in the box, it says.

Yeah, okay.

You want number 12 to go?

Number 12, number 15.

15, where chicken, Sifu?

Uh, chicken.

Chicken noodle?

Yeah.

One chicken noodle.

Number 58.

Okay.

Number 91.

Hello.

Yes.

Sorry, you're coming here order, okay?

No, no, no, please, no.

No coming there order.

Order, you're coming here order, okay?

Number 12, number 12, please.

Hello.

Number 12, please.

Yes.

Number 12, number 15, chicken.

Yes.

Number 31, okay.

Hello.

Yes.

Sorry, you're coming here order, okay?

No, listen, please, please, number 12.

No, yeah, okay, coming here order, okay?

Number 12!

Hello.

Number 12.

Your phone number.

Number 12.

Name, your, okay?

213.

Huh?

213.

391.

4444.

4444?

444.

444?

Read it back.

213.

Okay.

391.

Your phone number.

Hello.

391.

Uh-huh.

4444.

Okay.

Come here.

Okay.

Number 13.

Okay, come here.

Number 15.

And you have toilet.

Number 12 equals colon cleanse.

I like that.

That Chinese today is teriyaki chicken.

Not bad.

A little too sugary for my taste.

Come on.

Stupid.

Call her later.

In the meantime, we call Po City Vietnamese.

All right, let's give them a call.

Okay?

Okay, I'll call them.

Oh, fuck you.

You understand?

There's another person we didn't call.

Let's call Charlie real quick.

Might be too late to call Charlie.

Charlie.

Nunu, I'm sorry. You gotta go. I'll call the UK. I got the numbers. Don't worry Charlie's number not going through interesting. Hello

Yes, let's call and make an order. Okay, then the away Matt and yes. Oh, are you there? Hello?

Yeah, go Charlie. Okay. Mm-hmm. It's Charlie there. Yeah, can you put Charlie on please shopping poker Charlie?

Hi, hi, hi, hi.

yes hi uh nihao nihao charlie please hello charlie please charlie uh-huh who's calling

as this this is full city vietnamese restaurant vietnamese restaurant and with the full city

vietnamese restaurant it's charlie's chicken he has their chicken hello dropping everyone

the music we normally get that's the music we normally get when they uh refuse to put us

through to Charlie. I thought that one lady

put me straight through. I heard him in the background, though.

He wanted to get on. Damn it.

It's called a Vietnamese restaurant, anyway.

This is Vietnam. Hello?

Vietnam! Vietnam.

You know, my uncle fought in Vietnam.

Just so you know. Just letting you know he fought in Vietnam.

Okay, we're gonna try to call the Ho Dory restaurant

again, but this time on a different

number. Hopefully they will not

become wise to it and intercept it.

Thank you. Just a moment.

Can't sound too much later, folks, because I do have an interview tomorrow.

And my interview isn't until the afternoon, but I'll have to be prepared.

I have to get up early in the morning and meditate.

I've got to play a little bit of Star Trek online, you know.

I've got to level up.

A good friend of mine, Baz, from the show, listens to this show.

As mentioned, there's a new Star Trek MMO coming out.

I had no idea.

Yes, order, pick up, please.

Okay.

Okay, number 12.

Okay.

Do you have chicken on number 4 or no?

Chicken?

For number 4?

Chicken barbecue, number 4.

Uh-huh, yeah.

Okay.

Do you have Pepsi?

Pepsi?

Pepsi, no, Coca-Cola.

All right, two Coca-Cola, one Diet Coke.

Two Coca-Cola, one Diet Coke, okay.

All right, and do you have a toilet there?

20 minutes, okay.

No, do you have a toilet?

Toilet?

Toilet.

Your amount?

Toilet.

20 minutes.

No, bathroom.

Your bedroom?

Yeah, your bathroom.

Bedroom?

Yes, for toilet, to make pee-pee.

Do you have that?

What?

Do you have bathroom to make pee-pee inside?

Oh, my gosh.

Can I use your bathroom?

Yeah, bedroom.

Okay, is it a clean bathroom?

Oh, my God.

You're crazy?

No, I'm not.

Your bathroom, we are all down in your bedroom.

You're okay?

I need to use the bathroom, really.

Your phone number, yeah.

Crazy.

I'm crazy.

Oh, my God.

This is so shocking.

We all use the bathroom, right?

Everyone listening to this show right now.

Post in the chat room, do you use the bathroom?

Let me know.

They have color, either, obviously, because I see the color coming through and they hang

right up.

You're going to get one past them, I'll tell you what.

All right.

Well, we're having fun here tonight.

I don't see any reason why we should stop.

If you think I should stop the show, let me know in the chat room, and I will.

Mikey129 shits in a spackle bucket.

They're blocking both numbers now.

They're on to both of them.

Well, tits, you know?

Tits is all I've got to say to that.

Thank you for listening to Madhouse Radio, or watching Madhouse Radio for that matter.

Your prank call requests are welcome, of course.

We've been having fun with some numbers here sent in by listeners tonight.

Lonesome Loser has sent in numbers also that we've gotten to, and I've got a few more of those to get to now.

I have a little bit of Skype credit left to call the UK with, and I will be doing that here shortly.

Number here in the UK, a very upset middle-class English girl gets very angry and indignant when people she doesn't know call her.

Easily offended, art student, has her cell phone number on her website in case you need to explain where you got her number from.

Hey, big girl, how you doing?

This is Big Bernard, and she hung up.

And now I'm seeing that was the cell phone, right?

It was the cell phone, and I think we got warned that was the cell phone.

Ah, crap.

The cell phones are expensive.

The cell phones are like 25 cents a minute.

So now I think we're completely out of credits for that hang-up call.

Ah, shit.

Well, there wasn't a UK call tonight, folks.

I screwed that up.

Oh, fail.

And normally it wouldn't be an issue for me to, you know, quickly get the Skype credits,

but my debit card that I would use expired, and I haven't gotten my new one in the mail.

I never got it.

And I called the bank to let them know.

They're like, well, we sent it out to you.

No one's used it.

No one's activated it, but we sent it out.

I'm like, look at all my mail.

I check the mail every day.

I don't work.

I'm home all day.

So we'll send you a new one.

We'll cancel the number and send you a new one.

So I have no card to do it with.

I have a card right here, but it's expired.

Since I've been sick and stuck at home, I can't even drive.

Can't barely see.

I have no driver's license.

It was yanked.

I have no reason to be using a debit card.

My wife pays for everything.

I'm not even working, so I got no money.

We got a fat man.

Chris Whitney is an internet munch, internet mooch,

who is clinically insane.

He does internet shows where he will eat lots of food

if he gets donations from listeners.

People will send pizzas and other deliveries to his house.

Chris is in his late 20s and lives with his parents.

Hi.

This is Chris.

No.

Who's this?

Call back later, okay?

This is Chris' parents?

Yeah, it's too late.

No, no.

No, can you wake him up, please?

He owes me money.

Sorry.

No, listen, this is about the marijuana.

No.

Yes, I command you.

That's one long hang-up right there.

Let's try them again.

Bias's boss, my Skype.

It's on the chat page.

It is madhouse.live.

Thank you for calling.

Please leave a message after a tone.

After tone.

Oh, my God.

I think she left the phone off the hook.

I don't think she hung on upright.

It's going straight to their home voicemail.

One is available to take your call.

It's going to a different one there.

Ah, see, they tried to hack the answer machine.

Oops, forgot.

Yeah, is Chris there?

What's up?

Hey, what's going on?

What's this?

I was just talking to your mom.

Was that your mom?

What do you want?

Can I talk to your mom again, please?

Why?

She sounded pretty cool.

Who's this?

What do you want?

This is Cross.

Who?

This is Cross.

Cross?

Yes.

I want you to eat five sandwiches for me.

You want me to eat five sandwiches?

Yes.

If you eat five sandwiches for me, I'm going to make a PayPal donation to you.

$150.

$30 per sandwich.

Really?

Yes.

Huh.

But I want you to do this in a private cam, just me and you.

I want you to watch me while I'm watching you eat the sandwich.

Yes.

Because I get off on eating.

Well, that's not good.

What?

Hello?

Family show.

Yeah, I know.

But, I mean, I've masturbated watching your show before in the past.

And I came home and I missed your last show and I was wondering, you know, please, will you let me watch you?

Bye.

Let me watch.

No bye.

Please.

Bye.

No.

Have a nice night.

Come on, just one sandwich.

This phone is available to take your call.

Please leave a message after the tone.

His mom's complaining in the background, all pissed off.

Baez's boss, I think, was trying to call me on Skype.

Whatever they're called.

Crepes.

A go-go.

We're sorry.

You have reached a number that has been disconnected.

Guess not.

Sparky's 24-hour diner.

Sparky, can you please hold?

Sparky.

Hello?

What did I get for my...

Holding here for Sparky's 24-hour diner.

Good.

My blood sugar's doing good.

Blood sugar's 168.

That's good.

Very good.

Well, I hope you all have enjoyed the show.

we've had its ups and downs we had ted visit here milkman from a concert on his way there

uh a few people called in today talked to charlie or tried to talk to charlie

we talked about toilets a little bit it was fun yep yes sirree bob all right this is taking too

long bye george i love when people say that let's try them again yeah i can't hold thank you did

you guys hear what i said i can't hold yeah um that guy put me on hold after i told him not to

to put me on hold twice i'm sorry the guy he answers the phone and he asked if he can put

you on hold oh but he didn't i said no and he put me on hold oh okay sorry about that because

our computer is not working no it's not working yeah listen do you have all wheat pancakes or

just regular pancakes do you have what the pancakes with the wheat that are dark like

nice beautiful dark skin on the girl oh i have to check for you oh baby sorry gangrene making a

a point sometimes you feel like a nut sometimes you don't uh no we don't just a regular one do

you have coconuts uh no we don't you don't have anything with coconut there uh hold on

no nothing okay because i'm allergic to coconuts i'm sorry i'm allergic to coconuts i didn't

understand you i'm allergic to coconuts oh okay yeah we don't have it okay that's good listen i

want to have pancakes for order to go there i'm gonna go you know pick it up okay all right but

You make them now for me, okay?

And then I sit down.

What's her name?

This is Cross.

And what was your name?

Daniela.

Then you sit down.

What's her phone number?

I sit down.

You sit down and you have pancakes.

I'm sorry?

We'll put pancakes.

They're going to have pancakes, okay?

Okay.

Now, can they put a hole in the center of the pancake?

Yes, hold on.

The point is, I like Almond Joy's very much.

It's a very, very good nut.

Very good nut.

Very good candy bar.

I prefer them to Mounds.

Almond Joy is mounds with almond inside the center.

Three of them.

Right?

Three.

Over here where I live, I'm close to the Hershey factory, and they've got a whole museum and a whole ride.

Sure, Hershey the ride.

It's over off the Hershey Highway.

You take it off the Hershey Highway exit.

It's awesome.

You get free candy at the end of the Hershey ride.

It's pretty cool.

I had a whole thing I was going to say.

I was going to put my pee-pee in through the pancake, and I wanted to eat around it.

Hello?

Sparky's, I'm going to help you.

I was talking to the lady.

Yeah, I know.

She told me to take over.

No, I need to talk to her, please.

Put that out.

Marcus?

Yeah, hi.

I was wondering about the pancakes.

Yeah, can I hold on a second?

Damn it.

Okay.

Sorry.

Let's call Milkman while we wait.

We're on hold with a diner.

We're asking about pancakes.

Oh, I'm walking down the hill now.

Oh, yeah?

I'll mute it.

I hope you fall down.

I'll mute it, and then I'll be in the car in about five minutes.

I hope you hurt your knee.

Yeah, man.

We're on the world.

What's up?

You're not muted.

Hello, Madhouse, man.

Say hello, Madhouse.

I got this.

Yay.

Hey, everybody.

See you guys.

Got it, man. You heard it, right?

Yeah, you make some friends?

That's nice.

Yeah, man.

Cool.

All right.

Yeah, I'll stay right here.

Hold on.

What's up?

Hey, brother.

Jim.

I'm getting on that fucking rock.

Yeah, I'm drunk, brother.

I'm going to line for a big gym, man.

Kick ass.

Who the fuck we on hold with now, man?

Some pancake place.

I don't know.

I'm getting ready to hang out.

How many damn miles is this damn escalator gone?

Shit.

Look what you've been drinking.

Fuck.

You've been smoking.

You're kidding.

I was just saying, I got with her.

You've been smoking?

Sparky.

Yes, hi.

Listen, I was calling about pancakes, and I got put on hold again.

Yeah, I know, but you want to talk to the lady, right?

Yeah, but what's she doing?

And she left.

So why did you just throw me on hold then?

Why?

Because you want to talk to her.

I put you on the hold.

And when is she coming back?

Tomorrow?

No, she'll not be here tomorrow.

Next week.

So you're going to put me on hold until next week, you stupid?

Yeah, maybe.

You stupid.

Yeah, asshole.

Don't waste my time.

What the fuck you want, man?

You've been calling here for...

What the fuck you want?

I'm going to make order for pancakes.

pancakes oh that's it well yeah and then the lady she called before she put them in a hole for too

long and then you like i'm a stupid mexican so look the thing is we're not gonna serve you that's

it you're not serving me you're just making pancakes you stupid immigrant yeah oh sparkies

hello yes i'll have to make an order for pickup please what you like to have uh one order of

pancakes pancakes yes we don't have a pancake so it's a restaurant indian restaurant oh this is

is naan yeah naan we have we don't have a pancake but naan is like a pancake right yeah yeah well

you make that like a pancake for me a nice nice and thick pancake make it a nice and thick pancake

for me make it naan you know make it naan pancake naan pancake for me my friend please okay what

okay do you have um oh what is it called chicken tikka masala okay chicken uh-huh okay and then i

I need one bhenchod.

One lamb chop?

No, bhenchod.

Bhenchod.

Gandu.

Gandu, bhenchod.

What does that mean?

Bhenchod.

Yeah.

Do you have sister?

Okay.

Sister.

Where's your sister?

I don't know if you heard that milkman.

That was pretty funny.

He got cursed out by an Indian.

Heard him.

Yes, hi.

This is Bhenchod.

This is the place for Bhenchod.

Stupid.

Hello.

He's just going to sit there like a duh.

Stub up his ass.

All right.

Well, let's call him back from the other line.

Always works.

He did go on a bit, Jill.

That was kind of fun.

A quick hang up there.

Yes, so let's make an order for pickup, please.

Yeah, what would you like to have?

Uh, one order of the, you have papadums?

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Uh, pillow rice?

Sorry?

Pillow rice.

Okay.

And sister, do you have sister?

Who?

Do you have a sister?

So, yeah, she was here earlier.

No, but, uh...

She was here earlier, buddy.

Yeah.

I would like you to deliver your sister to me, you bhenchod.

Okay.

Bhenchod.

What about you, mother?

Can you do me that favor, my friend?

Deliver your sister...

Can you get her life, you know?

Deliver your sister to me, I'll make her pregnant.

You can't get a life.

You know, you're a loser.

One of the losers.

Make your sister pregnant for you.

Thank you for calling Sparky's.

How may I help you?

Yes, I'd like to make an order, please.

For delivery?

For pickup.

Okay.

And what would you like to order?

Like, let's see here.

One order of pancakes with bacon and eggs, sunny side up.

So the eggs and cakes breakfast?

Yes, that one.

All right.

And how do you, you said sunny side?

Yes.

And with bacon?

Yes.

All right, anything else?

Yeah, I want to make sure that no Mexicans touch that.

At any time.

Okay.

Anything else?

Yes.

And also, I would like you to deliver your sister to me.

Okay.

Anything else?

Your sister will come to me in a pink dress.

All right.

Anything else?

Magenta, possibly.

Anything else?

She'll be ready for mating.

Anything else?

What?

She'll be ready to mate with me.

Okay.

My sister's here if you want to come and pick her up right now.

Can you put her on the phone?

No.

She's right here, though.

You can come over.

Is she horny?

No.

But if you come over.

Okay.

You want to come over?

Yeah.

Come over.

over here. Sounds good. Okay. I dare you.

Want it? But if I get sister.

That's it.

Let's watch out. Come on,

I dare you. I dare you.

I dare you.

I'm going to put my feet in.

Milkman, we've had some

crazy calls. I had, you know

what fairies are, Milkman? You know, those

weird kids that dress up like animals

for fun? They make animal costumes.

Oh, okay. Okay, okay. I'll take your word for it.

Now, I don't know, but I'll take your word for it.

I'm sure there are no proof cakes out there.

Well, you know how you've got your Star Trek nerds that dress up like Klingons and stuff?

Oh, okay, right.

They just want to dress up like stuffed animals?

Like stuffed animals, yeah.

So there's a whole group.

Okay.

I guess you've got stuffed animal dresser uppers, too, man.

You've got transvestites, you name it.

Yeah, well, I called the place that they hang out at.

I said that one of them was outside and took a shit in front of the car like an animal would, like squatting down.

And it just became a big mess.

It was pretty funny.

Literally a big mess because it was shit.

Dude.

Yeah, dude.

Dude.

Now, are these post-op or are these plays or pre-op?

They're pre-op.

I don't think there's post-op for easy.

Post-op, we may have to learn a new language, man, to get an actual detailed interview.

Sure.

Implanting whiskers and shit.

Milkman, have you been listening?

Milkman, have you been listening to the podcast on the Listen app on Android or whatever?

I'm listening right now, dude.

I'm driving.

I am fucking.

I've got miles and miles of interstellar space here to work on.

Hell yeah.

Well, I wanted to let everybody know that this is kind of late in the show to be announcing this,

but we have been added to Stitcher, the Stitcher app, officially as a partner.

Watch out for Stitcher, you're first.

Did we got it?

Yeah, we did.

We're on the Stitcher app.

Hey, Stitcher, you're flogging me.

We can hear all the Madhouse you want and more.

You can.

We're a member.

You've got to love it.

What?

We're a member affiliate of Stitcher now.

So if you get the Stitcher app on Android, iPhone, iPad, it's even on Ford Sync.

On Ford cars, on Ford Sync, you can get the Madhouse podcast now on the Stitcher app.

Even on my Evo?

Yes, because that's Android, Milkman.

Very good.

Very smart.

Wow.

What about my Sirius?

No.

We're not in satellite radio yet.

No, Milkman.

Nice try.

But no.

Well, hey, man.

Well, hey.

We deserve it.

I know.

One day.

We'll be there one day, okay?

We'll make it before Zolar does.

We will at some point.

All right.

Oh, my God.

Hey, did Teddo take off for the night?

Is he done?

Yeah, Teddo's gone.

Yeah, he wanted to take a break.

He was on for a while.

He was helping out, but, you know.

Oh, I missed out.

Did you know I love Ted, man?

I was open-eared, but, hey, I had such a good time.

I had to, you know, I had to partake.

He is, he is.

Let me see if we got anything else here we can call.

John Denver, a friend of ours, he died in a plane crash a few years ago,

but he's still out there listening in heaven with our good friend Pedro.

He sent in a number in Italy, but I don't have any international credits right now.

Buys his bass, you know, was mentioning he could do some calls,

But I don't want to get into that.

It's just, you know, I'm kind of tired.

We didn't get to any of those U.K. numbers.

I'm sorry, Lonesome Man.

I didn't get to those U.K. numbers.

I'll get to them next week when I have some Skype credit.

But in the meantime, we've got one last call that I'm going to try to do here, Milkman,

before we call it a night, and you can head us out of here.

This is the Screaming Monkey in California.

I have no idea what they are or what they do, but we will call them.

Let's check this out here.

Screaming Monkey.

Okay.

That is so weird, man.

He had a good time at the concert, it sounds like.

He made some friends.

Windows Mobile, Jill, I'm not sure.

Windows Mobile is so weird right now.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Three, two, three.

I'll answer there for Crazy Monkeys.

Windows Mobile, I'm not sure.

I don't know.

I didn't see that Stitcher is out on the Windows Mobile market for Mango

or Windows 7 or whatever the hell it is now.

Mikey129 says Windows 8 equals Winmo.

I don't know.

Yeah, that's what I saw.

I know Windows 8 is available now for developers,

and anybody can get the beta version of Windows 8.

It doesn't do much.

But from what I've seen of it, I don't know what they're doing, man.

Mokman, you can take yourself off mute.

We're off calls now.

Have you seen any of that Windows 8 stuff, man?

It looks really stupid.

Yeah, it was on me.

I didn't want to.

Yeah, I know, but it's time to talk.

Windows 8, I don't know what's going on.

I've seen it in action, and it's basically,

if you've seen the new Windows 7

cell phone OS

it looks the same

it's like you don't have a start menu anymore

you have some kind of grid that comes

up and you click here and here

and here to get places

I don't know what they're doing

it doesn't make sense for a mouse and a keyboard

it beats me what Microsoft

is planning I think it might be the end of

the Windows OS I think someone else is going to have to

take over

to me like 3D man like they're starting to do

Do you ever think you can touch it?

Yeah, I think that's what it is.

Everybody's going tablet, tablet, tablet.

Yeah, touch.

So that's a big thing now.

Everybody wants to touch.

Yep, I guess so.

And we all have our good friend Steve Jobs to thank for that.

And that's not a bad thing.

I mean, that's where it's going.

That's where it's going.

We've got to adapt to the times.

Milkman, are you ready?

I'm ready to go.

It's late for me.

I have an interview tomorrow.

I'm going to get some rest.

But in the meantime, Milkman, take us out of here.

Just say thanks in general for what you're doing.

Awesome, man.

Hermanito, man, you know it's that time again,

but I'd like to thank you, all of our listeners,

all of our wonderful friends out there to help make this happen.

Most interactive radio comedy show right here on the Internet, buddy.

You can tune in to any Thursday.

That's right, my brother Matt Hermanito.

I'd like to thank you.

I'd like to thank our friends.

Thank our friends in the chat room there, MSG Street Play.

But first and foremost, our numbers hit, man.

And the most of Buddha.

Thank you so much.

Will you be an idiot?

We love you still.

Thank you so much.

MSG3 Clay, Tokini, all of our friends here in the chat.

I'd like to thank all of our friends over at CAC tonight.

We love you.

You guys are the best.

Good luck.

Breaking up.

Oh, breaking up.

Wilkman, come in.

Pull up.

All right, there you are.

All right.

No, there you are, Hermione.

So thank you.

I missed you.

Oh, all right, homo.

Anyway, what else?

We're done?

Are you done thanking people?

We're done.

Where are we?

Thank you.

Aw, I love all of our listeners, though, man.

That's what it's all about.

You know what?

We had our great return of the incredible Ted O.

Ted O. Webb, that's right.

We love him.

Also like to thank you, that's right, our listeners.

Every week we do this just for you.

Most interactive tunes right here.

Any kind of laughter and comedy and technology and anything else you may want right here.

One show.

You've got it right here.

Watch us.

We drop the time.

We just ask that you give us the time.

and bring a friend?

Better yet,

bring an enemy

and share some laughs

right here.

Every week,

Charlie Cimo,

the master of ceremonies

is right here.

We couldn't do it

without you,

our fearless eater,

Charlie Cimo.

Cimo out.

Fearless eater,

we love you, brother.

Over to you, big guy.

Thank you so much.

A smile on the world

because we know it.

Cimo out.

Well, we had fun, everybody.

Like I was saying before,

thanks to all the listeners

we had tonight.

We had a great crowd.

Everyone who sent in numbers,

including Jamie is Jamie,

me uh bias's boss helped out with some numbers um who else called uh uh uk ted uh let's see mikey

129 was in the house lonesome loser already said but thank you thanks ted you helped us out

made it so i could do some calls uh for a while there to hawaii everybody everybody all of you

beautiful people including you dark stranger and your big big fat titties i like them excuse me

alright well thanks everybody for listening

as I said already be sure to visit madhouselive.com

subscribe to the podcast

this show will be updated probably in the next 24 hours or so

and it's been great it's been emotional

alright thanks Milkman happy birthday

sir take care

hey man thanks so much

give me a buzz after we sign out

ok make it have a good week folks

peace we love you

we just came through to check

y'all niggas you know I'm trying to show some love

I'm saying us niggas don't know

how long we gonna be here.

Feel me?

So enjoy this shit

and enjoy yourselves.

And then we outta here.

Hit me.

Calls (31, 1 h 27 min of 3 h 31 min)

Transcript

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