I Kicked Your Car

I will have you hunted down, and I'm going to blow your fucking face off.

And I will fucking find you, and I will fucking kill you.

It's not like a BMW or...

It's more expensive than a BMW and a Mercedes.

I drive a Toyota Celica, so...

Yeah, so you drive a piece of shit.

I drive an Audi.

That's why I'm kicking other people's fucking cars.

You have an obvious attitude problem.

Tell me what Chinga Tulumale means, please.

Chinga Tulumale is fuck you, son of a bitch.

Is that what it's saying?

No.

Say it in English.

Fuck you.

Your sister used to

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast

Good evening everybody, Madhouse Radio

Thank you for being here with me

With me and only me

The greatest pranker alive, Charlie Law

With me here tonight are all the great people

Who are involved with this

Most supportive of all of them is the Milkman

Milkman, how are you tonight, sir?

God damn it. All right. I guess so. I'm gonna hit the mic. I'm so happy

Thank you. God bless you milkman. God bless you. Also here evil already

Yeah, dude, I wasted a good part while I was on me, oh man, we missed out on a good fart

I got a question. I've been eating a bunch of starbursts

I get it. That's racist. That's not nice

That was funny, wasn't it?

You know we have a black president.

We do?

Isn't it?

He's mixed race.

Okay, so he's half white.

That cane guy, you know, Sugar Cane?

He might be the next president.

Yeah, he does cocaine.

Yeah, that guy.

He'll be the next president.

Well, thanks everybody.

He's not dead.

Thanks everyone for tuning in tonight.

This is Madhouse Radio for November something.

Beginning of November.

November, let me meditate.

Third.

Third, thank you.

November 3rd, that's right.

Because Arizona football starts on the 10th next week.

next week so i got to look at my fantasy football earlier than all right good thanks

yeah i saw that trade went through that's some bullshit anyway well let me do something real

quick already be quiet um real quick everybody just to regroup here madhouse live.com is the

website my website our website if you're using aol or yahoo instant messenger the username is

madhouse radio let me turn the music down it's a little too loud all right if you're using msn

send messenger that's madhouseatlive.com be sure to follow us on twitter also as well as facebook

links for that are on the main page the main vein facebook you heard of it milkman it's all the kids

are on it awesome we can control our minds i think milkman's halfway to the moon now milkman what

you been up to sir how are you working right now what are you doing in your taxi cab be working

on me okay good and i'm waiting for some business dude it's fucking bad dad oh i'm sorry i don't

know what to tell you i don't know what you are sounding in excellent form as always well thanks

so you're saying i have a sexy voice thank you milkman you do too hey girlfriend hey

yeah all right i did three job applications yesterday you put in three job applications

that's evil already everybody good for you that's like more than i had the last year

Where did you apply for work at?

Applebee's, Outback, and I found this job offer for no experience necessary for Kellogg's, the cereal brand.

Basically, I have to stock the shelves of all the Kellogg's stuff, all the supermarkets, and drive around and shit.

Oh, they give you a car?

I don't know.

They said they wouldn't be paying for mileage, but it can be like $13 an hour.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

Wow. Milkman, do you like GWAR? Do you know the band GWAR? Have you ever been into them?

I know of them, but I've never really been into them. Do you like guitars and stuff?

I don't know if you know who they are or who that is.

No, I don't know them.

Oh, man. Even I know that from when I was in high school. GWAR, G-W-A-R.

Guitarist Corey Smoot, a.k.a. Fiatus Maximus, found dead, apparently.

Wonder how.

A friend of mine was really into them.

They were having some kind of pay-per-view event back in the day, and he was like,

Oh, you're going to watch this. We're going to get it.

Yeah, he made me give him five bucks.

This was back in high school.

He's like, if you're going to come over, you've got to give me five bucks for watching war.

You've got to contribute.

I'm like, all right.

It was just some weird concert on pay-per-view.

What year were they?

What year?

90s sometime?

90s?

I think they were like 80s and 90s.

I'm pretty sure.

I never dealt with them too much.

It was like, you know, heavy death metal kind of stuff back in my day.

I don't know the band.

They used to come out in warrior fucking outfits and shit.

like lots of fire and like metal and they used to fucking like they i saw it once on uh on that

pay-per-view and i was like i was really into rap music back then i was like i don't get it but

it was cool because i had like sword fights like like they had these two fucking dudes came out

on the horse and they got down and they had like full body armor and they had this big sword fight

in the middle of the song it was like everyone's like yeah i was like wow that'd be really cool

if i was white yeah white people music jesus sucks music yeah well anyway we are on cacti radio

that's cacti radio.com phone losers.org uh and also uh blue planet hosting blue planet prank

radio blue planet hosting.us so we're gonna make an announcement the only money i haven't been

working for a few months due to my medical leave and stuff so i have no money uh the coffers in the

the Skype account are gone.

All I have is United States money.

That's all I got.

All I can call is the U.S.

And actually, that's just the continental U.S.

I can't even call Hawaii or anything.

I can on Google Voice.

I guess I can.

We better be able to call Hawaii.

Yeah, but I can't call the U.K.

unless you people help out and contribute some PayPal money.

I never ask.

Once in a year, I might ask for contributions.

But we would need a total of $10 donated to PayPal

If you want us to do some UK calls

That'll get us through for like a good 3-4 weeks

About a good month worth of

Pranks to the UK and such

If you want to do that

Send PayPal funds to

MadhouseLive at gmail.com

That's MadhouseLive at gmail.com

And give me a heads up in the chat room

If you do for some reason or another

We get 10 bucks and we can do Pranks to the UK

Until the end of the year probably

I can probably stretch it out

I'll give you dirty pictures for cards

Yeah.

Kiss your private parts all over.

And diapers.

All right.

Well, we got numbers coming in from Nunu regardless here.

I did put in, I put up a Craigslist ad, and it got flagged for deletion pretty quickly.

But I got an email just a few moments ago that it got flagged for deletion, but according to this, we've got three bytes already on it.

The Facebook one, I mean, Craigslist one I mentioned?

No, no, it was different.

I did another one of those, we want to move out, I'll give you something.

if you want to help us out.

Why is it flagged?

I don't know.

Because Craigslist.

It's like if...

Whenever I make...

I'll go to Wikipedia

and I'll see something

that's blatantly wrong.

I gave up on Wikipedia

because I'll see something

that's blatantly wrong on there

and I'll be like,

I'm going to go fix it

and I'd edit it

and I'd fix it

and the next thing I know

they'd come like,

oh no,

you can't do that.

And they'd take it out.

You've got to be kidding me.

I remember the last time

I ever tried to do that

was I was on the website

for movies from 1987.

1987 it had a whole listing of all the movies from 1987 and la bomba the movie was missing and i was

like i know for a fact la bomba the movie came out 1987 you know the story about richie valens

and shit it was a big movie was even nominated for a academy award or two and it wasn't on the

list and i said well that's weird so i went in i added la bomba and then like in three or four

days i i got taken out i looked at it and some there was some bullshit excuse for taking it out

I was like, you've got to be kidding me.

I went to IMDb, and I was like, sure enough, 1987, La Bamba came out.

I was like, how can you not want to post that La Bamba was out in 19—

I just think it's racism, to be honest with you.

RBCP has sent us $1.88.

All right.

We're getting there.

Nice little joke contribution.

Much appreciated.

We're almost there to our goal.

What's on the big board there?

$1.88.

All right.

Cool.

All right.

Now we are rapidly approaching our $2.10 mark for our first 10 minutes of broadcast.

Obviously, he says that's all he has.

Okay, thanks.

Thanks, man.

We much appreciate it.

Anyway, so I did post a post in the Craig Gliss postings about posting for needing help with the post.

Let's listen to one of those voicemails now and give them a call.

Stand by.

Hi, this is Reception.

I can come over right now to pick up the stuff that you posted, the free stuff you posted online.

online let me know my number is la la la la la la la two one la la la again i can come over now

or whenever you want me to to pick up the fish that you posted at christmas let me know thanks

again my name is scott number five la la la la la okay cool that sounds uh promising that's scott

it's so funny him asking cross cross i know i don't know what i don't even know where that

came from that was that started back when i was still in high school i didn't know why i came up

up with the name cross but um it was basically me and my high school friends we do pranks and we we

did one it was really stupid i don't even know where we got it we got it from tv somewhere we

kept calling a guy and it was me and my three friends so we did four phone calls to the guy

says cross there's like no cross oh sorry wrong number and the next i call is cross there you

know and finally the fourth time he's like there's no fucking cross here people keep calling for

cross and hung up and then we did one more call like hi this is cross have any messages

messages that's you know that's yeah yeah you gotta love prank calls back in the 90s man it's

the classics that comes clear back from the 70s i know it does man that's like you know where i

down down to the roots man it's about basically good you know where i saw that to be i remember

it was uh it was a benny hill uh thing i saw it on benny hill yeah it was a benny hill i remember

They have to be there to let it further back over to the U.K.

Dude, Benny Hill was awesome.

I miss.

They need to do a remake of Benny Hill.

And we need a remake.

He's still alive?

No, he's been dead since the 90s.

But we could use Benny Hill.

It was awesome.

And that reminds me, speaking of remakes,

I saw there was a trailer for 21 Jump Street, the movie,

a remake of a rated R movie for 21 Jump Street with the fat kid that's in all the movies.

You know what I'm talking about, Artie?

Jonah Hill?

Damn, yes, he's in that.

Okay, you're going to laugh at this question.

Why?

What's 21 Jump Street?

It's the TV show from the 80s about the 20-year-olds.

I know it's a TV show.

What's it about?

That's what I'm telling you.

They're cops, undercover cops that were in high school, yeah.

Oh, and the fat kid plays a cop?

Yeah, he's playing a cop.

Wow.

Yeah.

21 Jump Street was a TV show about young 20-year-old cops

that went undercover to work in some really bad high school.

Oh, okay.

But they were undercover to be, like, a cop.

You know, they were supposed to be, like, students.

They were undercover students, but they were really cops the whole time, yeah, so.

But all of them were, like, when they were young, you know,

they were really awesome in basketball.

We even became known as jumps.

Oh, is that what I was?

I never knew.

My mom didn't let me watch it.

There was too much cigarette smoking, she said, in that show.

Absolutely, man.

You know, that comes out from the inflator.

Yeah, really?

You'd inflate the basketball with marijuana smoke,

and that way you'd have it around for a long time.

Well, we'll try to find out a different kind of smoke.

Ass smoke?

There you go.

All right.

Thanks, Milkman.

Oh, Milkman, you're the man.

All right, look, guys, let's be serious here.

Those are big red cheeks.

Those are the monkey's red ass, man.

That's the baboon look.

The baboon smile.

All right, we're going to go.

I think I'm getting a cold.

All right, keep that to yourself.

Keep your mouth closed.

If you're getting a cold, Milkman, you're really big on the home remedies and stuff.

What should he take immediately for a cold?

A lot of vitamin C.

Golden seal, what should you do?

You should be mega-dip in vitamin C.

Okay.

Is there vitamin C in milk?

I don't think there's...

No, I don't think milk is healthy.

There's probably a little bit.

Vitamin D, there's a lot of vitamin D in milk, but there's no vitamin C.

Name, like, a food item with a lot of vitamin C.

Uh, onions.

Uh, oranges.

I don't have any onions.

Oranges?

Well, I'm making orange chicken.

No, I'm not...

Yeah.

There's vitamin C in garlic?

Um, milk?

I didn't know that one.

The chemical house, whenever you cut the garlic open, it looks like a little bit of

It's milky.

Yeah.

Once it reaches the air, it's very...

Okay, I got you.

I have 160 grams.

Don't eat 160 grams of garlic salt.

You're going to kill this kid, Milkman, for God's sakes.

I'm giving him ideas.

He'll do anything.

Don't you listen to him?

He'll be crazy enough to eat 160 grams of salt.

Don't even tell him about it.

I'm joking.

No, but Artie, listen.

If you drink a gallon of milk in less than an hour, it'll help you out.

You know, I've tried that.

You did?

Ew, you did that?

That's an old joke.

On air.

Yeah, it's impossible to do that, right?

And then eat a box.

I got 95% done.

You got a 95%?

Did you throw it up?

Did you throw it all up already?

Yeah, I puked it into a trash can on cam.

Oh, nice.

Was it back in the syndicate days?

No, back in the live video days.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Hey, we got another donation here.

Let's go ahead and turn on that big board, Milkman, if you could.

See what we're up to.

We are up to a new all-time record high.

And the amount is bigger money, so please reveal it.

We're up to $11.88.

All right, we did it.

$11.88.

No.

Breaking news.

Breaking news, that's right.

I love you guys.

I do care so much.

We do provide everything for no cost.

All right.

It's true, they're worthwhile, and they're worth it so much.

Thank you, guys.

You can hold off.

Yeah, no more.

I mean, if you keep donating, I mean, that'll just get us through longer.

I can't even put it towards the hosting.

But that's okay.

I don't want you guys to be sending a lot of money and stuff,

so hold off on that now.

Yeah.

I'd have to find out who can.

We would like to proceed further and advance our program even quicker.

All right.

Pay money to Will.

And that's Big Kevin that did that, so thank you, Kevin.

And also, wait a minute, we've got another one here, apparently.

Give me a moment here.

Let me refresh the page.

I think we've got another one.

Milkman, you're like the Ed McManson.

Milkman, if you can fire up that big board again.

Doot, doot, doot, doot, doot.

Bing, bang, boom.

We got a donation here from Ted that brings us up to $11.88.

Wait a minute.

That doesn't make any sense.

I thought we had a donation for Ted.

Oh, never mind then.

I guess we don't.

$10.

I guess not.

Well, that's not right.

Unless it hasn't updated yet.

I thought I got an email here.

Or is it UK Ted?

No, maybe that was UK Ted that donated.

Someone else did.

What's it say?

Ted.

Anyway.

At Gmail.

All donations.

Oh, that was something else.

I'm sorry.

My bad.

I didn't.

Oh, we did get $3 in British pounds from Ted in the United Kingdom.

So, good.

There we go.

Thank you, Ted.

Yeah.

I don't know if it's UK Ted or not, but a British Ted.

Yes.

If he has any business for us, we'll do something for him.

Those are three gold stars for the three people that donated.

Okay, good.

So, we'll get to UK calls tonight.

We're saved.

Good.

They won't shut us down.

Thank you.

All right.

Anyway, let's do some pranks, and people are paying tonight.

Give them our quest.

If they want to send in a decent request, man, we'll do them.

We'll honor them, man.

All right.

Well, good.

UK said he sent.

All right, good.

Thank you, UK, for that.

We thank you.

If you did that, send me an IM with what your name is in the chat room,

and I will be sure to op you for the night.

I think you earned that respect.

Thank you.

Let me know who was who that did that.

All right.

Okay, so let's start off the show by calling back on this Craigslist ad.

Let me get it in front of me and see what the hell I'm offering.

There we go.

Got it in front of me.

We're going to call Big Scott back.

Evil already has a very funny story for us after this first prank call.

The Hangover 3.

Hey, this is Big Scott.

Hey, this is Cross. How are you doing?

Good.

Good, yeah. You sent me a message.

You texted me, or you left me a voicemail, I believe.

A voicemail, yeah.

Yeah, so you're able to help out with the moving of the things?

Yeah.

Now, which of the items were you interested in getting?

I want to make sure I set it aside for you.

The PS3?

Okay, now that doesn't come with any games, and it just has one controller.

Alright, that's okay, I don't want any questions about it

It's free, just take it off my hands

But, how, um

Are you okay, I mean, are you able to lift

Pull, push 50 pounds or less

Or more, rather

Uh, 50 pounds, I, I, yeah, I can do 50

Alright, you sent a little

Okay, well, we got

A lot of furniture, I have a few server computers

To move

I've got about 300 office chairs

300 office chairs?

Yes

It's my house

Okay

I don't need

I don't need those chairs

And purchase

No but see

Here's where you're not

Understanding the problem

I need help

I'm moving stuff

But I can't take everything

So I've got some stuff

You can keep

Okay

You know

So you can have

The Playstation 3

You understand

Okay

But you need to help

But in order for the trade

Then you need to help me

With the office chairs

And I have

You know

TVs

I need to get moved

Okay

Now I've got

I've got a U-Haul

Has anyone called for the TV yet, the 32 LCD TV?

Not yet.

You want it?

I want that, yeah.

Okay.

All right.

We can do that.

You can have the TV also.

All right.

Anything else in there you want?

The Nintendo Wii.

Okay.

I'll give you that.

Do you want some office chairs?

You want one or two?

It only has room for the electronics.

All right.

Can I use your car to move with?

Not for furniture.

They won't fit.

No, but papers?

Papers?

Yes.

It's going to the garbage dump.

Yes, yeah.

All right, so then you let me have the keys to the car.

We're going to fill it up with papers.

How much paper do you think we can fit inside your car?

I don't know how much we have.

We got like five pallets of paper.

Pallets.

Pallets?

Yes.

Yeah, I won't be, that's too much.

I can help you move some of the furniture.

What kind of car do you have?

This is a four-door.

It's a four-door like a Nissan?

Yeah.

I'm pretty good.

I knew it was a Nissan.

We can put a pallet of paper on the top, okay?

All right, and maybe you can...

Let me have your address.

I'll come right up.

I'm in the Mission District.

What's the address?

Milkman, what's the address there in the Mission District?

Any idea?

Milkman?

3 Embarcadero.

30 Embarcadero?

Yeah, that's the one.

Okay.

Okay, what's the cross street?

Market.

What's your name?

I'm Cross, and that's the Milkman.

And what was your name?

How much furniture do you have to move?

We have about 20 rooms worth of furniture to move.

And we also have four refrigerators, an ice maker.

Yes.

How many rooms does the furniture have to move?

About 20.

20?

Yeah.

Okay.

This is the house, right?

Yes.

Okay.

So you can come down and you're going to move it all for us.

How old are you, if I may ask?

I'm 10 years old.

You're 10 years old?

Yeah.

You're 10?

Yeah.

Are you messing with me or are you really 10 years old?

I'm 10 years old.

I want a PS3.

So how are you supposed to help me move?

My dad can drive me.

Wait a minute.

You said you're driving.

Yeah, how old are you, really?

You drive your dad's car?

If you're 10 years old, why does your voice sound like it's so low?

I don't understand. I'm confused.

Are you Mexican?

You're Mexican?

Oh, is your dad there? We need his permission first.

Go ahead and ask him.

Hello, Dad?

Hello?

He just walked away, huh?

Oh, Jesus Christ.

What the fuck is that about?

Was that DTT?

Didn't it sound like DTT to you?

I thought it was DTT.

Was that DTT?

Oh, is that the asshole?

What asshole?

Yeah, we got hacked.

No, DTT isn't an asshole.

He's just an old-timer.

I'm thinking of the one dude.

Oh, no, no, no.

DTT is an old fan.

Yeah, he goes way back in the Brill Building.

He used to call the Brill Building.

I hope that's DTT.

That was you, DTT, then call back, man, and let us know.

We're just the one caller.

Yeah.

Oh, you'll miss DTT, man.

Remember?

Yeah, man.

He has gun for us.

Remember him?

He was a great guy.

Yeah.

I'm gun ready for you.

Gun ready for you, DTT, man.

I miss that guy.

I'm gun ready for you.

Yeah.

DTT, he was his...

He conquered the micro-fog simulator program, too, man.

Became famous.

Yeah.

He was already...

You're newer than this.

He was this Lebanese prank call fan who was kind of weird, but he was a cool dude,

and he used to get really offended really easy.

So during Zolar's show, everyone would sit there and mess with him in the chat room,

and he'd threaten us with guns and call us the N-word.

That was DTT.

And then he became a hacker and started to have our network, and he got KDK a bunch of times.

Well, no, that started because of me, because the stream would have trouble.

It would go down, Ted's stream and KDK's stream.

and I would say DTT's

hacking and he'd be like shut up I'm not hacking

and he'd call me

he had my cell phone number I don't even know

how and he'd call me personally

like Khalido I wasn't hacking

please don't tell people I was hacking

I'm just messing with you

man I'm sorry

I think I remember someone mailed him a used

condom once remember that that was crazy

oh that's right that's what happened

he disappeared

he disappeared for

He disappeared for months.

He disappeared for months and someone mailed him a condom.

I don't know.

Here's another voicemail we got.

And me and my buddy Pete

will help you move

simply just for the electronics

and your 580s.

I've got a big truck.

It's not a big truck.

It's like a...

You know, I can fit stuff in there

to help you move

if you need.

But, yeah, we'll help you load it.

We'll load up the truck for you

and we'll just...

Some weird people, man.

Doesn't it sound like the same guy, though?

Hang on, let me play the other voicemail from before.

Let's see, that sounds like a totally different person than the one we called.

It was the same number that I called, but it sounds like a totally different person.

I don't get it.

Nah, it's very similar, dude.

You think so?

All right.

Yeah, it's just the quality of the recording is not very good, but I heard similarities.

All right, well, hey, I wanted to mention, Artie,

you had me send a text message before

to some mystery person, and they sent

back, who is this? Do you want me to respond

to that? Did they text back?

Yeah, they said... Well, they just texted

They texted me back. What do you mean? They texted

you told me to text somebody, I don't know, where

you said... Yeah, because I wanted to see if they were

ignoring me. Alright, so they texted me back.

So there you go. What time did they text

you? Oh, God, I don't know.

1007. Oh, shit!

They just got back to me!

Okay, good deal. Um,

My name is Twinkle Toes.

Kokanee has sent in a number for Victoria's Secret at the grand opening today.

And they're closing in 10 minutes.

Well, shit, we need to get on that.

And we've got to do some more pranks, especially more pranks to the UK.

Also wanted to mention, Kokanee coming through with a donation.

We're up to $38 now.

Good deal.

Thank you.

Thank you, Kokanee.

We might actually have more of them.

All right.

Hermano.

Yes.

Hermano.

Milkman.

I'm going to have to drop the line, man.

I need you to call me back here just a little bit.

All right.

When?

How long do you need?

I got a problem.

All right.

Bye.

Call you back.

Call me back or I'll call you, okay?

Okay.

Sorry.

All right, bye.

That was weird.

What's that about?

No one's got to take a shit.

Marty, are you still there?

That's everybody, man.

I am.

Sorry.

All right, so we've got a lot of numbers here to get to on the request of pranks, by the way.

UK Ted has sent in a number.

Hope I can spare some of that cash I sent you.

This is the guy I asked you to prank last week, but you couldn't.

He works at my hotel.

The guy who carries his cell phone.

Okay, good.

Got that ready.

Kokanee sent in the number.

however let's call this real quick before they close it's in canada which means i'm gonna have

to set up the uh the paypal i gotta buy the minutes first so everyone everyone relax we

gotta play a prank call and then i will uh i'll be right back and we'll do the pranks but i have

to buy the skype credits with the money you guys uh donated so i apologize for the delay here i may

or may not have to leave early oh jesus everyone's just dropping out fine okay well we're gonna play

Play a prank here for now.

This one's called Meat Drippings.

We'll be right back.

You guys do veal meat over there?

We do.

That's awesome.

What about, like, anything gamey?

Do you have the gamey stuff?

We have a lamb shank.

I'm looking for more gamey and tough than that.

I like rice and gamey.

No, not a lot of flavor.

Do you have, like, any venison?

No, we don't have any venison.

I'm sorry.

Oh, geez.

So what does a lamb like?

How does that come out?

Is it very dark?

It's a lamb shank, and it comes on the bone.

And it's really very tender.

Actually, it pretty much falls off the bone because it's braised for, like, three hours.

They're mashed potatoes.

It's very delicious.

But for gamey, that's probably, I would think, the most gamey item that we have.

Do you have anything with, like, droppings?

A lot of droppings?

Say that again?

Do you have anything with a lot of droppings?

Droppings?

Droppings.

You know, droppings.

Dressings?

No.

Droppings.

You know, droppings, you know?

When the meat, when it makes the oil come out.

When it makes the oil come out?

When the grease comes off the meat when you're cooking it, and it, you know, it leaves that stuff on the thing.

Or the cooking thing, the machine that you're cooking on.

Oh, the rotisserie?

Yeah, you know, it drips all that fat and grease and stuff.

Uh-huh, what about that?

Could I get some, um, like, red dip, drip, dip, dip in that?

Um, we don't save that for anything.

Oh, you're going to throw it away?

Yeah, we throw it away.

Well, don't throw it away. I want it.

All the stuff that drips off of the rotisserie meat, we throw away.

No, you don't have to throw it away, though. That's food. I can eat it. I'm hungry.

I'm sorry. We threw that away.

Well, I'm hungry. I don't have any food or anything.

Maybe you guys could help me out. Maybe give me a little...

I'll bring my own bread in.

I'll have to come in for happy hour.

No, I don't need anything to drink. I want to bring my own bread that I got.

We have happy hour food.

We don't have happy hour priced beverages, but we do have happy hour priced food.

Well, you have drippings there, right?

No, I'm sorry.

We've already discarded it for the evening.

Oh, won't you make some tomorrow?

Okay, maybe I come in and you give me a little cup of drippings and I can stick my bread in it and then I eat it.

You're more than welcome to come in and ask my manager and see if that's okay.

Well, you told me that you're going to throw it away.

That's not fair.

If a man is coming hungry, he wants drippings.

You need to help him out.

I'll buy you something

You know

I'll buy something from you

Before I eat it

So you don't think

I'm just coming to waste your time

I'll buy

Um

I don't know

You're welcome to come in and ask

Do you have Diet Coke?

Yes we do

Okay

I would like

I want to like

Like gristle

And drink things

And Diet Coke

I think that's a good trade

Cause that way

The Diet Coke fights that

You know

Cause like

It's diet

So you know

The

I save on the diet

Instead of drinking regular Coke

Well then the drink

The dry things are so good.

You're welcome to come in tomorrow and ask if you can do that, okay?

Do you have chicken dry things?

It's all together.

Well, what kind of?

Everything goes into the same pan.

So chicken, what else kind of meat?

You have lamb?

Turkey and pork.

Oh, pork.

Do you have any bacon grease?

I couldn't tell you.

Do you make bacon there?

We do.

So you must have bacon grease.

Oh, God, I'm so happy.

Okay, you're more than welcome to come in tomorrow night, or tomorrow, and ask if you can do that, okay?

No, I need your name so I can say that you said it's okay.

I'm sorry, I cannot tell you that.

Oh, come on. So it's not okay, then?

I have no idea. You have to come in and ask.

Well, if you just give me your name and your social security number, I can come in and they'll say, okay.

Have a good night, sir. Thank you.

Please, I'm hungry.

Okay, bye-bye.

Okay.

All right, well, we're going to have to play another bit here because, for some reason, it's not accepting the payment.

I've got the funds in PayPal.

I don't really use PayPal that much.

Anybody have any suggestions why it's taking so long here?

I'll have to try another one.

Anyway, this is an old crazy fucker bit here from back in the day.

Let's play that.

Hang on, folks.

We're working on it.

There you go, Milkman.

You want to jackmash us and you're gone.

Whatever.

Crazy fucker, you're on the air.

What's going on, brother man?

Crazy fucker.

Okay, let me turn down this audio here.

We're on...

Does it take time for the PayPal funds to be available or something?

I'm ready to go.

Let's repeat this.

I'm on this faggot Jew station called Syndicate Radio TV.

Oh, God.

Don't even let me into the fucking chat room.

Yeah, well, if you mess up, dude, that's...

What do you mean mess up?

What did you do?

You talking about freedom of speech, man?

What happened?

I guess if you're talking about freedom of speech, I messed up, you know?

Well, I messed up.

If you're talking about freedom of speech, I guess because I speak freedom of speech,

I messed up in that faggot Jewish...

Artie, you there?

Hang on, I got Artie on mute.

Artie, you there?

Artie.

Yo, Artie.

What about it?

Hey, I'm going to hang up.

All right, I'm in the middle of something.

Oh.

Hey, I'm going to hang up.

I'm going to call back, all right?

Answer.

Why?

Because I'm going to try to close Skype and open it again because maybe it has an old

authentication cookie code, all right?

Bye.

What's that mean?

Just shut up and answer the phone in a second.

Okay.

Sometimes, you know, just gotta

Bear back, thanks again guys, sorry

Thanks for the wait, for waiting

Uh, syndica radio

TV, uh, slash

Uh, faggot, uh

Howard Stern, uh

Dirty piece of shit, motherfucking

Cock sucker

Crazy fucker checking in from California

So you've been banned again at this point

Uh, for your, I mean, do they say

Is you're being annoying, are they afraid of the truth

No, no, man

What do you think it is

No, man, it ain't nothing like that, man.

It's like what you voted for.

You voted for Obama, right?

Well, yeah, I got to vote for somebody.

But now you're going to find out that you're going to be censored, too.

Oh, come on, censor.

Yeah, really, as long as it, really.

You Republicans, with all your talk about it, you're going to be censored.

You Republicans.

What are you talking about?

We all know you're like one of the strongest Republicans in all of this.

I've never voted in my life.

These Republicans, Milkman, call in like crazy fucker,

and they're like, oh, Obama's going to do this,

and he's going to do Gestapo, and I said, what are you guys going to do?

Dude, dude, can you tell your boy Rush Limbaugh?

I've never voted in my life.

That's not what I have here, crazy fucker.

I've got it right here, sir.

Hey, you're the motherfucker.

I've got it right here.

Hey, you're the motherfucker that demigrates poor people, right?

I denigrate poor people?

What are you talking about?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're the Puerto Rican there.

The Puerto Rican that denigrates the poor people.

This is what I do.

I don't do...

I give poor people chicken all the time.

I'll be...

Oh, you give poor people...

Oh, what?

So what, are you some rich motherfucker

going to give anybody anything?

No, here's what I do.

Well, I'll tell you what, pal.

You better buy a fucking gun, motherfucker.

You better buy a gun.

I'm going to come down there

and take your fucking gun away from you and stick it up your ass.

You probably would because you Republicans are trying to take everyone's guns away all the time.

Give us your guns.

We want to take your guns and melt them down.

I'm a Republican, right?

I went to prison for seven years and eight months.

I'm a Republican, right?

Okay, all right.

Right, I'm a Republican, right?

All the Republicans are getting arrested and going to jail for doing bad things.

All the Republicans.

Like George W. Bush and Dick Cheney and all those wars.

You suck George Bush's penis, boy!

Hey, boy!

Hey, you suck George Bush's penis!

And Milkman there, what is he?

Is he in the Cayman Islands there?

Dropping off the mafia bag money for the fucking drug dealers and shit?

No, he's a legitimate man.

Is he a child molester down there?

He makes gasoline.

Fuck you!

Fuck you and Milkman!

Go back!

Go tell Milkman!

man. They'll fucking suck a

fucking cock. And you

tell you what, man.

You suck a cock. You fuck a

piece of shit. Well, I don't have to take

that crazy fuck. You bastard.

Oh, right. Right.

He hung up on me. How dare he hang up on me?

I know. How dare he hang up on me

three years ago? That was Crazy Fucker.

Crazy Fucker, if you're out there somewhere listening,

call in sometime. Drop an email

or something, man. We haven't heard from you in years.

I'd be more than happy to give you a call

or give you a number to call in.

as Crazy Fucker. He speaks the truth

and we haven't heard from him in a long time.

Crazy Fucker. I miss him.

I do too. I don't know what's going on

still. The credits still are not

I guess they're not posted yet or something.

I don't know. I'll keep trying. I'll try in like maybe

the second half of the show. When we take a break

later on I'll try to make the purchase

again. But so far still saying I need

to add funds. I gotta send you

some Crazy Fucker footage I have.

You have Crazy Fucker footage? Like video?

No, audio. Oh, okay.

Basically, you remember a guy from the old syndicate days named Bro-Man?

Yes.

Yes, I do.

Called up Crazy Fucker one day and basically just played out the Artie Lang audio tape for his book.

Okay.

And Crazy Fucker had a whole conversation with him.

Oh, Crazy Fucker.

It wasn't hard to get one past him.

He drinks a lot, you know, and it's, yeah.

And then once you were on air with Reclude.

Right.

And crazy fucker, you wouldn't answer his call, so he started calling my Skype number.

Really?

So I basically ran the show through my mixer into the Skype call, and he thought he was on air.

Oh, so he thought he was talking to me the whole time, you said, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, I remember you telling me about that, yeah.

I wish I had audio of that.

That'd be funny.

I have audio somewhere.

It's on my hard drive.

Oh, okay, okay.

All right, well, the UK numbers and the Canadian numbers are going to have to hold off.

Hopefully, cross your fingers, pray to God that I can buy those credits.

You know, maybe in a half hour or so.

Give him some time.

We'll see.

We'll quit dwelling on that.

Lonesome Looser still hasn't made it.

He'll be here in a little bit, I'm sure.

Have you talked to him lately, Milkman?

Have you talked to him lately, Evil Artie?

Yeah, I talked to him earlier today.

All right.

Is he doing okay then?

Yeah, he's doing okay.

That's good.

Did he win his game in the Fantasy Football League at all?

I don't even know.

I've only been paying attention to my own game lately.

Actually, I think he lost.

And you won by one point.

You beat Andy by one point.

No, I lost, dude.

They yanked your point away, did they?

Two points they yanked away.

Oh, wow.

See, that's something.

That happened to me once.

That happened to me against Lonesome Loser.

He beat me by one point, and they took the two points away, and I won by one point.

No, what happened is he won by five, and they gave you five points, so it was a tie.

Did they?

Oh, wow.

Wow.

Wow. Well, hey, that's something. I still lost by nine, as far as I know.

I got a pretty good trade, though.

I don't understand that. What did you do? You got Cam Newton for Phillip Rivers, and what else was in the box?

He gave me Cam Newton and Ahmad Bradshaw for Phillip Rivers and Steven Jackson.

I wonder what that guy is up to. Why would he trade away Cam Newton?

Well, Cam Newton is on his bye week. He won't be able to play two quarterbacks without dropping Cam Newton.

Ah, so he decided to give up Cam Newton. He should have dropped Tom Brady over Cam Newton. I don't know.

He didn't drop Tom Brady.

I know, but I'm saying, I would have dropped Tom Brady instead of Cam Newton.

It works out for me, too, because I can only play one quarterback,

but then again, I'm only going against East Dog.

Oh, don't even worry about it, then.

You've got a bye week.

I mean, you're going to get a bye week.

You have a bye week in our league, because East Dog is a fucker who doesn't play.

But anyway, Andy said he's back.

He's going to be playing serious, and I guess so.

He made a statement.

He won by one point.

So there you go.

Motherfucker.

Good.

I'm glad I beat you.

I really needed a win against Eric's team, man,

and that sucks that I didn't win because now he's number one in the league.

Yeah, I think he's going to win it.

What if I help him?

Because he's going against me in the playoffs.

I'll beat him in the playoffs.

You'll see.

Well, he's got Phillip Rivers now.

He'll lose.

I've got Aaron Rodgers.

So what?

Phillip Rivers has been fucking sucking.

I know.

I don't know why he wanted Phillip Rivers so bad.

He lost Cam Newton.

He should have just considered that.

The guy, he's got the best record in the league.

Why wouldn't he just take a loss or just bench his quarterback?

I don't understand.

I would have hung on to Cam Newton.

I don't know what he's thinking there, but whatever.

I've got to have a talk.

He called me today.

I didn't answer him, but anyway.

And I got Ahmad Bradshaw, too.

Yeah, I saw Ken's mentioning the pick of Tebow getting Tebowed against the Lions.

Yeah, I saw that.

Tebow did not come through last week.

It was bound to happen, you know.

I'm going to pick up Brett Favre.

He should do pretty good this week against...

Brett Favre?

Yeah, he should do pretty good this week.

Who's Minnesota playing?

Brett Favre?

Is Brett Favre playing?

I'm joking.

What are you talking about?

You lost me for a minute.

Why did I not know Brett Favre was playing?

Minnesota, yeah.

UK Ted's calling.

UK Ted.

UK Ted hung up.

I put Artie on hold.

Sorry about that.

Artie hit the wrong button there.

Anyway.

All right, guys, come on.

Well, just guy.

But guys, people, let's do pranks.

Come on.

Get over this.

Okay.

RBCP sending a number for a gentleman.

RBCP has this thing.

I don't know if you knew Artie, but he put out a call during his show on Tuesday to people

to leave notes on cars.

saying i hit your car an accident my name is roy here's my phone number and gave a phone number for

people to call back at and uh one of those pranks got updated uh it's on the site on the phone

loser site it's also on the facebook uh wow that's awesome and it's actually really funny

it's a funny prank anyway we got uh he's he submitted one of them also someone who called

him back already uh one of those guys who cars he accidentally dinged supposedly he called and

left me a voicemail at 7pm asking me

to call him back about it. He didn't give any

details, so assume this is a basic

I dinged your car note. He thinks my name

is Roy. If you don't do this on your

show tonight, I'll steal it from you tomorrow.

I really want to hear you do one, though.

If any more of these come in tonight, I'll give

them to you, too. Thank you! Alright.

Let's do it. Are you taking this? Yeah, if you don't

mind, alright. We'll open up the floor

in a while. How about I jump, you say

your friend was driving. No, no,

my friend was driving. And I'm Roy, and I'm shit-faced.

No.

No, thank you.

I've got an idea for one on this one, okay?

Okay.

All right.

Take it easy, man.

You take it.

I'm giving it.

Yeah, but later, later.

Artie, you can do calls later.

Don't worry.

You're leaving for an hour or in an hour you're leaving?

No, I don't need to.

Okay, good.

Awesome.

I was texting someone and they said we won't be each other tonight.

Oh, you were sexting?

Yeah.

Yes, hi.

This is Roy.

You left me a voicemail.

I left that note on your car.

Yeah.

What was your name?

Joel.

Yeah, I'm sorry about the car.

Where did you hit it at?

Okay.

All right, so I got into an argument with my wife, and she was giving me a hard time because we bounced some checks, okay?

And I don't mean to get too personal about it, but I've been wasting money on lottery tickets, and I went to an Indian casino.

you know so i got so angry that i started kicking your car i kicked it a few times in the back

in my car yeah i was upset yeah i'm sorry i just lost my temper and then my wife put she said that

i had to leave a note for some reason on your car so i went ahead and left the note but i fixed it

i fixed it as best as i could i had one of those dent pullers but did you see the damage um i'm

gonna go out and take a look at it again i saw a little bit of stuff yeah but i wanted to talk to

you first to double check and make sure what i was looking at well i got really mad at your car

okay so i kicked it and that's that's i just wanted to let you know that i kicked your car

okay well i appreciate it and i'll i'll get you i'll give you a call back once i look at it and

talk with my insurance agent obviously it's a little late tonight well no the insurance the

insurance is already fixed it insurance is nothing i mean your car should not have been there

basically is the way the way it goes why was your car there by the way well your car you made me

angry you did personally i kicked your damn i made you angry yes how did i make you angry the

the way you parked excuse me my car was parked in a parking spot yeah exactly a little too close

too too far to you know to the side and then me and my wife got into we started arguing i said

she's like i said you know be a damn shame if someone did something to this car and then i

opened my car door really fast and it hit the the car door like hit the side of your car and it

scratched it on the side there like you saw and she said oh very nice very very good groy very good

you're brilliant and i said yeah you don't like that and i got out and i started kicking the car

and i said what are you going to do now about it and we realized my car is my car is an audi right

yes not a not a cheap fucking car i don't know what's an audi what's that i don't know a lot

about cars a very expensive car it's an audi those aren't expensive cars at all no they're not

it's not like a bmw it's not like a bmw or more expensive than a bmw and a mercedes i drive it i

drive a toyota celica so yeah so you drive a piece of shit i drive an audi that's why i'm

kicking other people's fucking cars you have an obvious attitude problem look the most important

part is that i made up with my wife okay i don't give a fuck about you and your wife i give a fuck

about my car well i'm kicking people's cars well there's a part of that you need to know about too

about the way i made up with my wife shit about that i'm happy for you well no you're going

kicking people's cars it was on top of your car if do you know what i mean you got issues she

we i had sex with her on top of the hood of your car after all this happened hello are you there

there, Scott? Sir? Sir, I'm sorry

about the car. Are you there? He drives an Audi.

I should have said I drive a Dodge Stratus.

I saw someone throw that out there.

Wow. Is that the title of the show?

That might be the title of the show. Good call, Ken.

I kicked your fucking car. That might be it.

I kicked your car. Let's try to call him back.

I drive an Audi.

You drive an Audi. You know what that means?

Wow.

I drive a Lexus.

Let's call him back. And then, Artie,

you tell him that I'm your boyfriend

and we're the one that have the argument.

Alright, you can take this part here

What name did you use?

Roy

Yeah, of course, so who would you be?

Both of our names

No, no, that's going to cause confusion, that's not funny

That'll be funny

Tucker Mike, tuckermike.com, how you doing?

Hey, someone was asking

About some link

For a donation

And I, of course, knew nothing about it

Of course, you're out of the loop

As usual

MadhouseLive at gmail.com

Tom, you can send a PayPal donation to that.

Well, I've got to meet for a minute.

All right, Artie.

No problem.

Oh, good.

Artie was going to do a prank, and I guess he's not now.

Well, no.

Yeah, but the funds aren't posting yet, I guess.

I was going to use it to buy some credits to call the UK and stuff, but every time I try, I guess it takes some time to clear.

It might not be until tomorrow.

That really sucks.

But at least they're in there.

I was going to have to ask anyway for the help

because I haven't been working

and I don't have any money.

My bank account is...

Basically, we're living on what little bit

Athena makes and I can't ask her to

pay for it.

I feel bad doing it. I mean, she would, but

I would feel really bad. She works hard for the money.

Mine is yours. No, it's not like that already.

That's old thinking.

That's old people thinking.

So is there like a basic

thing you're looking for or just whatever

you can do sort of

thing just whatever you can do i don't even uh you know it's it was just i just needed at least

10 10 us to buy some credits to call the uk uh but people have gone over that um so i don't you

know i don't want people to donate any more than than i needed to be honest with you i mean if

they still want to send a donation it's cool but uh no no stress the next time i need funds i'll

ask but for an action you guys can hold off no more donations i really don't have any access

That's fun.

Yeah, evil artists.

So he can buy his.

He can buy his.

You can't order pizza with PayPal money yet, Artie.

Sorry.

So I can get a Robin Tug.

Robin Tug.

Anyway, Tuck, how's it going?

Someone accused you of painting a comic book called Drug Buddies instead of Hi Buddies.

I saw you got upset about that.

Well, you're close.

And they can go to HiBuddies.com.

All right.

Very happy.

I have a bad echo.

And you can do your work.

I use it.

echo you hear an echo too yeah really you guys hear echoes that's not good i'm hearing me

you're hearing yourself oh shit yeah i have a headphone so it can't be me i don't think

i hear it too is it bad bad bad well annoying distracting what about now it's like arty

is it still still hearing echo would you want to hear my voice every time you speak

i guess no i i would there you go i think you fixed it okay there we go i figured it out all

All right, guys, hang on.

Artie, hang on.

And then, Tuck, if you want to hang on for this,

I'm going to call that guy back about the car.

Okay.

You taking this?

I'm mute.

Well, Artie, I offered you to take it.

You want to take it?

I guess, yeah.

All right, so you're my boyfriend.

You've got to think of a name.

I don't know what you're going to be.

You want to be Ralph?

Artie.

You can be Cross.

You want to be Cross?

You want to sit in the cross?

Yeah, I'll be Cross.

All right, be Cross.

Okay.

And then, you know, just go with it.

Just, you know, we got into a fight.

Here we go.

I've always wanted his shit. What was his name? He never told me. Hello. You just got in a fight with my boyfriend

Okay, he didn't mean to damage your car, sir. Excuse me to my boyfriend.

okay and you were

You were yelling at my car.

Yeah, I was.

He told me he was kicking the shit out of my car.

I don't appreciate that.

Yeah, because it's a piece of shit.

Excuse me?

That was probably...

It was probably just because it's a piece of shit.

My car is an Audi.

Well, my car is a Dodge Stratus.

What the fuck do you fucking do?

Do your research.

An Audi is better than a Mercedes and a BMW put together.

Get online and do some research, bud.

I just bought a Ferrari yesterday.

Oh, yeah, right.

Get out of your ass.

You might call me.

Leave me the fuck alone.

Oh, my God.

Get a life.

You sound really hot.

I might leave Roy for you.

Alright, we lost a patient.

That was pretty good.

Well, that was fascinating.

He's so into his Audi.

He's like, do the research.

Is it Audi?

Do your research.

Yeah, I should be recording.

I hope I'm recording.

Yes, I am recording.

Yes.

Recording.

Yes.

Yes, definitely recording.

I think.

Let me see.

It says air disconnected.

Uh-oh.

I don't know why I'm on this.

I heard.

Because you, I don't know, the pills you take.

Maybe it's because of the cold

Ah, that's true

Go eat some onions, man

I'm sorry

road i don't know where you're gonna go you're gonna go to walmart get some onions that's all

the only place i can go i have a three dollar gift card hey i don't know that they closed the

food line up in the town that i grew up in they closed the food line i don't know they closed

that food line you didn't know that no i don't know they closed it you didn't know years ago

really did they i think wow shows you what i am direct now clients direct nice okay

Hey, we have appliances.

I got some requests of prankses here.

Hang on.

Hold on.

I think you'll like this idea, Carlito.

All right, go ahead.

Watch out.

Hold the prank.

We got to get Lonesome to find the number to that Asian guy.

What Asian guy?

The appliance direct guy.

Who?

The appliance direct guy?

Yeah.

Okay, he's Korean.

He claimed bankruptcy.

You know that recently?

Did he?

Yeah, that business is going bankrupt.

Yep.

But okay.

All right.

That'd be a funny prank, I think.

I don't know his name.

You'd have to find out.

I don't live in that town anymore, so I don't know.

Or the woman.

Okay.

All right.

There you go.

That sounds like a plan.

All right.

So Myra has been hitting up the forums lately, which I want to thank.

I put out the call last week for people to start using the forums again, and sure enough,

we got about four people that used it, but they used it a lot, and I appreciate it.

Tuck, you too.

You were in the forums also.

Myra's one of those people.

Someone told me to.

Yes.

Thank you.

Because people were talking about you.

I wanted you to defend yourself.

Fine.

All right.

So Myra sent in a number, but it's in the U.K.,

and I guess we still can't do numbers there right now.

What else did she send here?

Let's see.

Request a prank.

Virginia.

Is Myra like a big, fat guy?

That's a woman, a sexy woman.

Are you sure?

I hope so.

It's an online company selling gel-toe spreaders.

Okay.

Let's call them.

Tuck, if you can talk now, can you tell me if you get an echo?

Say something.

I hear his echo.

Yeah.

You are getting an echo.

I'm getting it back.

It fixed it.

It broke again.

I can hear his echo pretty bad.

Really, can you?

I'm taking my pants off.

Good.

Listen, listen, listen.

Hold on, listen.

Okay.

Did you hear that?

Yeah.

Not really.

It didn't sound that impressive.

But, I mean, it's interesting.

Captain's hat.

I do have the cap.

I forgot I had the captain's hat on.

Yeah, I found the captain's hat, folks.

Found it again.

This is my gym shorts.

Okay.

All right.

Jail toll spreaders.

Thank you for calling Sam's Preston, a Patterson Medical Company.

To reach customer service, please press 1.

To reach the finance department, please press 2.

If you know your party's extension, please hold while your call is being transferred.

Thank you for calling Sam's Preston.

Our office is currently closed.

The regular business hours are Monday through Friday, 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. Central Time.

Well, no jail toll spreaders.

Great idea, everybody.

Good idea, Myra.

Yeah, Funeral Home in Virginia will probably be closed now.

Moving right along.

Yeah, you got to confirm the number.

We got a number for a Pocono Palace.

They have a sexy room with a champagne glass hot tub.

Ooh, classy.

All right, let's try that.

There's no sex in the champagne.

No sex in the champagne.

I wonder if I have that song.

I should.

I've got every Chris Rock album here.

I don't like it.

I was thinking of something I'd like to do on the show tonight.

What's that, Arnie?

We didn't do it.

Don't just say it.

I want to have you prank a place that I can go to

and I can see you doing the reaction on there.

Yeah, that's what RBCP has been talking about all for the last week,

how bad he wants to do that.

Great idea already.

Call the gas station around the corner.

Okay, I don't want to do that because RBCP has that idea.

He's really big on doing that, and I don't want to take this.

Quit ripping off others' ideas.

I don't want to steal his thunder, man.

Seriously, he mentioned that on his last show that he's been wanting to do that.

in the beautiful Pocono Mountains.

Be sure to ask us about our colorful fall, weekday, and weekend savings packages.

If you know the four-digit extension of your travel planner, enter it now.

Otherwise, please stay on the line, and we'll be right with you.

This call may be monitored for quality assurance.

Master Momo says, I have shit on the prank radio stream.

Thank you for calling the Land of Law.

This is Marion.

How may I help you?

The Land of Law?

Good.

Love.

Law.

Okay, that's good.

I've been looking for...

L-O-V-E.

Domination?

Oh, like love.

Why are you making fun of me?

I'm not making fun of you.

Thank you.

Okay, anyway.

So, I understand you guys have a champagne glass style room.

We do.

Okay, and it's a hot tub in there that's shaped like a champagne bottle?

Mm-hmm.

Well, champagne glass.

Champagne glass?

Yes.

Okay.

Now, how much do you think that could hold?

I know that it can hold about 2,000 pounds, including the water.

Including the water?

Uh-huh.

All right.

How much cheese could that hold?

I don't know.

Like melted cheese.

2,000?

2,000 pounds of cheese.

Would it be a problem if I were to put cheese in there?

I guess not.

Now, what if I got upset and I started kicking things?

Like what?

Like the champagne glasses.

It'd probably break your foot.

Well, what about the champagne glass stuff?

It wouldn't break.

Do you have TVs there?

Yeah.

You don't?

We do have TVs, yes.

Are they flat screens?

Yes.

Are they Sonys?

I don't know if they're Sonys or not.

Okay, now, what if I damage the TVs?

I'm sorry, what was that question again?

What if I was in there before and I maybe had damaged the TV?

Maybe you damaged the TV?

Yes.

I don't know.

What about it?

I don't understand.

Well, would you charge me for it?

I don't know if they do or not.

I'm not sure if it was an accident.

I don't know.

It wasn't an accident.

I was drinking and I was smoking.

I don't know.

If I lost my temper and I kicked things.

I'm not sure how they would handle that.

That's going to be up to the front desk and the security on staff.

What do you do there?

Do you clean the bathroom?

Who, me?

Yes.

Women's clean the bathroom really good.

Do you have a reservation with us?

I do.

Okay.

Do you have any questions about your reservation, or do you need any assistance with it?

Yeah, about the damage that I might do.

Will the women's come to clean my bathroom?

Women will come to clean your bathroom, yes.

Women's will.

Okay.

Okay, because women's are the best ones at cleaning the bathroom and cleaning.

Some guys are good, but okay, yeah.

No, women's are good because that's...

Do you have a kitchen there that have cooking there that they do for the people?

Well, we have a kitchen, but you can't see them cooking, no.

But it's women that do it there because that's where the women belong, right?

I don't think so.

Women belong in the kitchen.

There are male chefs back there, actually.

Well, maybe that's the problem there.

Okay.

So you're a woman and you don't work in the kitchen then?

No.

What do you do?

I'm a reservation agent.

That's why you called here.

Okay, so how long have you been doing a man's job for?

Sir?

Yes?

This is a job for anybody who can answer the phone, okay?

I'm Mormon.

And what does that got to do with it?

Well, because women usually only stay in the kitchen in the Mormon religion.

Oh, well, I don't know if you want to come here, then, or not,

because we're going to have people doing all kinds of things.

Well, I was thinking, maybe when I come in,

the only woman that I see maybe have, you know, kitchen work, cleaning work.

Do you understand?

I guess.

I'm not really sure.

Like, I have a problem, like, if a woman were to look at me in the eye and she wasn't my wife, one of my wives, then there might be a problem.

You might want to just let everybody know that when you come in.

What am I going to do?

Wear a big sign?

I don't know.

Okay.

Is there a man I can talk to there?

You can talk.

Right now, there isn't, no.

Which resort are you coming to?

To the adult resort.

They're all three adults.

The sexual resort.

There isn't a sexual resort.

There's the one with the champagne sexy resort.

Oh, well, there's the champagne tower, yes, but it's not considered a sexual resort.

According to the information I received, it was a sexual resort for sexual relations.

It's for couples.

But, yeah, but couples, you know, that's the secret code word for sexual.

Oh, okay.

Like, I was at a movie place once, and it said adult movies, and I was like, oh, good.

And then it was, they had naked people in the movies having sex.

Sexual movies.

Oh, yeah, no, we're, no.

So this is an adult place like that where they have, you've...

No, this is for husbands and wives.

They come for their anniversary.

You take off your clothes.

Their honeymoon.

You take off your clothes and you walk around.

I understand.

I know what that's like.

No, sir, we don't.

Sir, I'm going to have to end the phone call if you can't give me a little bit more information about your reservation.

My name is Cross.

What is it?

My name is Cross, and I was coming to be a part of the nudist resort that you have there.

We don't have one, sir.

You don't have a nudist resort?

No, sir.

But people can take their clothes off there, right?

Only in their room.

Outside?

In the room only.

In the room only?

In their own privacy.

Okay, do you have curtains on the windows?

Yes.

They open and close?

They do.

So that's how you get around it, then you just open the curtains?

No.

Can I put you on hold for just a second, sir?

Are you going to put a man on the phone?

Maybe, if I can get a hold of one.

Hold on.

I'd appreciate it.

Yeah, she's pretty nice.

We're going to call the dump.

Like, there's people saying she says Say-yix.

It's not Say-yix.

Say-yix.

Okay, sir, give me your reservation number or your last name.

This is Cross Valente Cross.

I don't feel comfortable saying my information like that because, like I said, I'm coming to have sex.

It's one of those places, I understand, where what you do is you leave your door open and you can be naked with the windows open and stuff.

And then when you have relations with your wife.

All right, hold on just a second.

It's that people can watch, right?

Is it Van Morrison?

I don't know.

I can barely hear it.

I think it is.

Van Morrison.

I've been listening to the Steve Jobs book.

Have you checked it out, Tuck?

You're a big Apple fan.

No, but I haven't.

I've got it if you want a copy of it.

When I'm done with it, I'll send it to you.

It's pretty good.

I'm in the part now where he just introduced the iPod and is talking about it.

He cried a lot, man.

All the time, he's crying, crying.

He gets into arguments and starts crying.

Wow.

Passionate man.

He was an asshole.

He was.

Everything was shit.

Yeah, no, he was.

He reminds me of KDK's personality.

He'd be like, fine with you, and then he's like, this is shit.

Right.

Basically, Bill Gates is the only guy who could stand up to him at this point so far.

Gotcha.

Hello.

He's not in right now.

He must have just stepped out.

Be honest with who you're trying to get.

I think you were trying to get somebody else on a male supervisor.

Yeah, but he's not available anymore.

What do you mean, yeah?

Who were you trying to get instead of a male supervisor?

Security?

No, one of the men supervisors, but they're not available right now.

All right, so you can talk to me.

When people come to the room, how much notice do you have to give?

Sir, I have a lot of people waiting in line to actually make a reservation.

I already have a reservation.

Can I take down their name and number and get him to call you back when he gets done?

Oh, okay.

I just have one main question for the supervisor,

is that I want to make sure that there isn't a problem with me leaving the door open

and the windows drawn open so that people can watch me and my wife having relations.

No, sir.

We don't want any exhibitionists here at all.

But you said inside the room.

That's what it says.

It was your door shut, though, sir, not, you know, this is.

But it's inside.

This is inside the room.

Yeah, you'll get escorted off of the property.

An escort?

Escort.

You have escorts there.

Escorts as in security and local state police.

Let me ask you something

Do you shave your vagina hairs?

Goodbye

That's a good question

Good question to get a hang up on

I had it

I had enough of it

Are they hearing the echo

Or is it just me and Artie hearing the echo

I don't hear an echo

Then it's fine then

Do you hear it now?

You hear it now?

You still hear it?

I still hear me

You hear me coming back to me

me but if they can't hear it i ain't worried about it i can i can deal with it uh let me see let me

test it on myself here let me uh call myself and we'll see in a second i don't know what it is i

don't know what could be causing it because i might just be just just clearing a line maybe

have you guys heard it in weeks past because i got the same no first time i hear it you've always

heard already in the last few weeks you've heard the echo always i haven't okay that's what i'm

asking well that's what i'm asking first time who's calling oh god oh yeah that's because i

put on speakerphone hudur hang on let me play something uh folks listen to this music speaking

the first time uh i heard dad called me and said he smoked pot did dad call me and he said he uh

smoked pot for the first time you never smoked pot before no he's a he's a he's a cherry you know

I had no idea

I'm gone now

I'm not getting an echo

When I talk to myself on here I don't get an echo

Whatever you did fixed it

Well yeah I took the microphone off my ear

Now is there an echo

Is there an echo now

What the fuck

Yep that microphone

It's worked fine in days past

I don't get it

Well today is not yesterday

Well, it kills me because, I mean, this is affecting the pranks.

People are like, oh, there's an echo, and they're not going to want to, you know.

That's true.

They're working out.

Isn't there a setting in Skype for echo cancellation?

Maybe I could find that.

I don't know.

Maybe.

Yeah.

I think if you restart the...

Yeah, I tried that.

All right.

I'll call you guys back.

Stand by.

Okay.

Already at the beginning of the show, were you getting it?

Were you getting the echo?

No.

Did you see?

There we go.

Hang on.

All right.

Let me call them guys back.

Hmm.

Okay.

Uh-huh.

Well, so far so good.

Good, good.

Until you get Ardy back.

Ah, that's right.

How do you spell Ardy?

A-R-D?

No.

R-D, yeah, R-D.

A-R-D-E-E.

Call failed, evil Ardy.

Why is it failing?

Because it's a big failure.

It's a fail.

In life?

That's not nice to say.

I know.

You're like, I know.

I need to be more of an asshole.

so I'm too much of a nice guy.

I get walked all over.

Hi, Carlito.

Hey, still got an echo, dammit?

No, I ain't got no echo.

Hooray, we fixed it.

Okay, good.

No, I don't got no echo.

Yes, you do.

Yeah, you do, Jonathan.

I know you do.

We got numbers from Lonesome Loser here.

Hey, all right, Lonesome.

Looking good.

We need Lonesome to confirm the numbers

of the Doubletree in downtown Orlando.

Have you heard about the Lonesome Loser?

Have you heard?

I still have yet to hear that song ever.

Oh, that reminds me here.

There's a song I've been looking for for, like, five or six years now.

And every time I remember it, and I don't remember what it is,

so I can mention it on the song.

All right, here's all I got to go with, okay?

I'm going to sing it for you.

Okay.

But as far as who sings it, it sounds, I don't think it's this artist,

but you know the guy from Genesis, Phil Collins?

Okay.

I think it's his song or maybe a Genesis song or a Phil Collins song.

Well, just start with the song.

It goes, dum, dum, dum.

That's all I know.

It's Star Wars.

There's a, there's a, no.

There's a part where the guitar goes.

Is it like a chime that starts a song?

A chime?

Yeah, it kind of is like, dum, dum, dum.

There's a guitar that goes, there's a guitar that goes.

80s-ish.

Yeah, 80s-ish, very Phil Collins-ish.

And it goes, and there's a guitar part that goes, dum, dum, dum.

That's all I got to go with.

and every time I remember the song

and I look for it all over

and I look up Phil Collins music

and Genesis music

and I play all his songs

and none of them sounds like it

it's very 80s

and you're going through all those

bad shitty Phil Collins songs

I go to YouTube and stuff

and I hear all of Phil Collins

and I hear Coming in the Air Tonight

and all that

and none of it

so if anybody has

have you tried Mike and the Mechanics

Mike and the Mechanics

no

because that's the other guy

from Genesis band

right

or it could be

What's his face

Sledgehammer guy

It could be his song

Sledgehammer

Rod Collins

Now someone's saying Peter Gabriel

Master Momo says Peter Gabriel

Peter Gabriel

Did I say Rod Collins

Who the fuck is Rod Collins

Rod Stewart I was trying to say

Rod Stewart

But it's something

something it probably look look look in the air maybe it's where something like that all right

cool well i got something to go with now thanks mike and mechanics too just it was it was the guy

in the beard from genesis's band and he had it was like dun dun it ended just like that like

all the music it was very acapella at the end and all you heard was

very 80s i'm talking it's got to be like 85 86 yeah i can hear it in my head what you're talking

about yeah it's an awesome song guess there's a guest saying it's congo by genesis congo by

genesis that's right congo i never congo i don't know what that is let me play it real quick let

Let me go to the YouTube.

What is it, Artie?

The prank call that I did to Sadi from Adventures in Comics where I asked him,

do you have a computer like this YouTube?

Like, what are you talking about?

Artie, you there?

Oh, we lost Artie.

He got bored.

He says, hey, we're being the boys.

I don't think it was.

I thought I was opening some windows around the house.

Do you have a computer that has YouTube?

Does YouTube come to be a cover of YouTube?

That's a prank call I did.

this guy that's like this is a computer store and he was i was like he's puerto rican i'm sure

computer it's his his his store is adventure and collectibles and computer repair centers the name

of his store he picks up his like adventures and computers and computer repair centers and we're

like he doesn't even say center yeah and he goes i go yeah do you have the youtube computers he's

like why do you mean the youtube computers like you know computers i have youtube like sir all

All computers get at YouTube.

Like, how do I connect to YouTube?

What do you mean connect to YouTube?

You just need the right program to watch the YouTube.

Anyway, Congo.

The YouTube program.

Who did Congo?

Who was that?

You said Genesis, I don't know.

Someone said that.

Let's try it.

Someone said it, whatever someone said.

I don't think it's, it isn't a very Genesis song.

I mean, Congo.

It doesn't remind me of Congo.

Let me see.

Doesn't mean.

Doesn't mean it isn't.

It was the 80s.

A lot of cocaine going around back then, you know?

Oh, smash.

Let's start up.

That isn't it, you stupid asshole.

You're banned from the chatroom.

Anybody who said Congo is banned.

Unless someone says part of the beginning here.

Hang on.

That's not it.

It might be.

Just let the killer covers play.

It's not that song.

It's not.

I would know.

It goes...

Now someone says, Phil Collins, we said hello, goodbye.

Okay.

Well, someone's saying that.

All right.

Maybe you people are just messing with me and my emotions.

Go get some Wi-Fi on the airplane mode.

That's good.

Are you stealing the Wi-Fi?

Yeah, I'm stealing Wi-Fi from the neighbors.

Did you tell them to start the wedding, I told you?

Not yet.

I don't think this is it either.

That's not it.

That's not it, man.

Come on, guys.

Come on.

You can do this.

Try Red Rider.

Now they're just messing with me in the chat room.

I don't want to know.

No, try...

I don't care.

It's starting to...

Try Red Rider.

It's a band called Red Rider.

Have I tried UB40?

Very funny.

UB40?

I don't know.

Red Rider.

Red Red Wine?

No, no, no, no.

Red Rider.

It's a band.

Oh, I so don't care anymore.

You guys put me in a bad mood.

Here's why.

You got me wondering now, too.

Red Red Wine.

UK Dad.

Hey, Colleen.

Hey, UK Dad.

How are you?

I'm not bad.

Any luck with that song yet?

No, no luck with that song.

And people are making dirty comments about it.

They're telling Red Red Wine and MC Chris.

That's not right.

Ooh, packet loss.

Huh?

Hello?

Maybe you should phone a record store or something.

Do they even exist anymore?

Maybe you should phone a record shop or something.

Ask them.

I want to say it's either Red Rider or the phone.

I don't know.

I don't think there are many record stores.

I could try to find one.

I don't know.

I might have to call iTunes.

I don't know if there's anything left like that.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Maybe I call it 80s.

Try Stand or Fall.

Stand or Fall.

I don't know.

It's either Stand or Fall and see what comes up.

Stand or Fall.

Yeah.

It may be The Fall or Red Rider.

It's the band kind of like that.

Stand or Fall by The Fix or Anthrax?

I'm guessing it's The Fix.

The Fix.

That's who it is.

All right.

Let's see.

The Fix.

Yes.

Yes!

Oh, come on.

Dude, I bet it is.

Or it's one I'm thinking of.

If it's at least one I'm thinking of, I'm happy.

That's it.

I don't think this is it.

Okay, that's one I'm thinking about, man.

Oh, you're completely wrong.

God.

So it's not what you're thinking of?

No.

Okay.

Well, at least you found your song.

I'm happy for you.

Oh, at least I found my song.

I'm happy.

Fuck you.

I don't want happy.

You're happy.

Someone's happy.

Yes, I'm being Rickroll now.

That's it.

That's the song.

That's a song!

That's a song! What song is that?

The song you heard on mine?

Yeah, I heard it on yours. I said, that's a song, that's a song.

Are you serious?

Yeah. Is that where you're rickrolling me? That'd be pretty funny.

I'm not trying to rickroll you.

That would've been funny. You should've been like, that's a song, I found it, I found it!

No, dude, it started playing before I could copy the link.

Oh, that sucks.

I would've totally fell for that.

You would've told me that. You should've been like, I know the song, this is it.

Oh, I got rickrolled.

That's what I was trying to do.

Oh, you missed your chance.

Well, you did.

You almost got me.

But I heard it in the background.

It was still funny already.

Okay, come on.

Pranks, guys.

We're here for pranks.

Oh, well, what about your Skype credits?

Are they coming through yet?

Ah, let me see.

Let me see.

Oh, I forgot Ted was here.

UK Ted, that is.

Not the other Ted.

Sorry, I get people coming to me.

Call the other Ted.

What happened to the other Ted?

He was here.

I heard him last week.

He was there.

He just told me to prank Monkey Prank just a moment ago.

Oh.

Yeah.

Prank a prank.

Myra, I'm getting to your pranks.

I'm doing.

I just did one of your pranks now.

Yeah, you sent me like ten of them, so I'm getting to them down the list.

All right, let me try the UK credit.

For me to do that, I have to play a prank call.

This one is called White's.

No, we've got to play a longer one.

This is Catholic Scooter.

What the hell is Catholic Scooter?

You tell me.

I don't know.

Let's find out.

I don't know.

I don't remember that one.

Catholic Scooter.

And then after that, we've got a Hollywood Vanya call.

Summer's Big Job.

These should take about three minutes.

So Summer's Big Job.

Catholic Scooter first and a Hollywood Vanya prank

and I'll be back and hopefully

we can get these credits to go through

so UK Ted, hopefully this works out

make magic

if this doesn't work I'll just send the same numbers again next week

hello my child, how are you?

good afternoon

this is Father Mercortes, how are you?

I'm fine, thank you

very good, do you mind speaking with the pastor

please my child

I'm sorry he's in a meeting right now

oh goodness me

Do you have any Saturday service that perhaps I could partake in the ceremony?

It would be great.

You would have to talk to Father.

We have one at 5.30.

I'm in a wheelchair and I'm a Catholic priest.

You would need to talk to Father.

If you give me your name and number, I...

Father Markola.

What the hell happened in the chat room?

I know, but that nun's kind of cute.

Nunu got mad.

Nunu got upset because some guy named Prince

kept saying songs.

The Pesh mode, but not tonight.

Nunu's like,

stop! And Prince told him to

shut up. Good. Tell Nunu to shut up.

Prince, go back in the chair and tell him to shut up again.

Father Markunas, I met him.

I met Father Markunas. That's the

conference with the Catholic bishops of America.

It was beautiful. Father Markunas gave me

a phone number here for this parish.

What I need to make

sure is you have installed a ramp

For me, I am in...

Is there a step up to the altar?

Because I'm in a wheelchair, motorized...

Father, there is a step up.

It's a Vasco scooter.

So can we fashion perhaps a little ramp for me to move my scooter up?

You know what, Father?

I can't help you with that.

You would need to talk to...

I have the beep.

It goes like this.

When it goes up.

What the fuck was that?

The nut's pretty hot.

I know.

Why am I calling going...

That's funny

I don't know

Rascal scooter

What were you smoking

Back in

2005

Or 7

Or whatever it was

K2 and shit

It's a rascal

Scooter

So can we fashion

Perhaps a little ramp

For me to move

My scooter up

You know what father

I can't help you

With that

You would have to

Talk to

I have the beep

It goes like this

When it goes up

Right

You would have to

Talk to us

Our pastor

I was in the middle

Of a mess

and I came up with the chalice

and I was holding the chalice up high

and I was coming up and I used the horn

and I was like,

and then I took a left turn

and I spun up

and the chalice

was flying all over the altar.

Oh my God.

Do you know how you get that amount of

wine out of cloths like that?

I had to burn...

Call back later, please. I have another call.

I took a sledgehammer to the altar

and I was so angry.

That's horrible

Why would I say something like that

I'm just imagining a catholic priest

Getting himself beside

He takes his sledgehammer to the altar

That's horrible

Artie what would you do a prank like that

Dude I made a couple pranks to Walgreens

That's good

There was a vacuum cleaner going in the background

You hear that one

UK Ted sad news

It's still telling me I need to add funds

In order to do that

That sucks

Coconut you're reminding us

Milkman's birthday we did celebrate that

It was on Monday and the following day

Jack Masterson had a birthday

Yeah I saw that

According to Facebook

I didn't even know I just logged into Facebook

And said Jack Masterson has a birthday today

I was like yay Jack still living

What caliber is Jack Masterson

I don't know

I don't have an age for him

46

Something like that I think

Well he was in Vietnam he's got to be in his 50s

No he was in Vietnam

Not during the war

No, yeah, he was.

He got shot by a sniper in the pancreas.

Well, no, there was a prank with Tranny, remember?

No, there was?

He said he was in Vietnam, and then he said he's like 46.

She's like, you're still not old enough to be in Vietnam.

He's like, no, I was stationed in Vietnam.

Oh, stationed in Vietnam.

Anyway.

Listen, Ken is saying that Nunu is going buck wild in the chat room.

What's wrong, Nunu?

Are you having a hard time in the chat room?

Are they picking on you?

Type through diabetes.

Good point, Brandon.

What happened to Milk Bandit?

Is he okay?

Like, all of a sudden, it's like, I gotta go, I gotta go.

Well, that was, yeah.

Milkman.

I don't know. Maybe he was getting arrested.

Probably got pulled over and had pot in his car.

So who else is on Skype now?

Milkman's gone.

Who else is on Skype now?

Right now, you got Tug and EvilRD

and me, Carlito, and you, UK10.

The four of us.

So if you can't prank the UK,

maybe the British among us should prank the US.

You know what?

You know what, if we can't do, yeah, that's a good, actually, it's a good idea.

All right, here's the number.

Okay, Carlito.

Yes.

I just listened to this prank to Walgreens, and you have to play it.

I'm going to email it to you real quick.

You're going to email it to me.

When did you do it, just now?

No, it was one I just downloaded.

Okay, one of yours to Walgreens.

Okay.

Yeah.

All right, send it.

We'll do that.

Okay, good.

Where should I send it?

Just the normal?

Send it to either one.

They all come in the same.

Madhouse Radio Gmail or the one that starts with a J, the secret one that we don't give out on the air.

you know my personal one that one yeah that's where i'm sending it okay there you go all right

hey guys okay we got a number from mark it's uh myra's big prank uh she wants done here a guy in

atlanta who took her out on a date uh to a strip club very classy very very classy uh uk is that

the one she put in the forum yes that one uh uk i read that uk ted what do you do in the hotel do

you check people in or do you clean the bathroom or what do you do i'm the night manager you know

I know when you prank call British hotels at 4 o'clock in the morning

and some miserable guy answers the phone.

Yeah.

That's me.

That's you.

Look at that.

It's right up your alley then.

This is your kind of show, man.

Awesome.

Well, I'm glad you –

Have we pranked you in the past or something?

Is that how you learned about us or you just found us?

No.

No, I've had a few prank calls, but not from you.

Okay.

Good deal.

Except for that one that we faked.

Yes, that one.

But it was still good, you know.

But I kept in your admission at the end.

Yeah, I noticed you didn't edit that out.

Eh, you know, I just wanted to be honest, you know.

Already I got your email, thank you.

I will call that in a moment, but in the meantime,

we're going to call Big Mark, who likes to go to the strip club.

I don't know what to say to Mark, but we'll try it here.

This one's for Big Myra.

Big old Mark.

Hello.

This is Mark.

Hello.

Hi, my name is Mark.

This is Mark.

Yes, this is Mark.

Please, call it back.

How dare you.

I have to tell him, please.

That's pretty good.

He's unanswering.

I'll have to put him on hold.

Okay, let's see here.

October 30th

when was the 30th was that last week

when was that Sunday right

this is a new request to prank

social engineer her into confusion

but I don't have a name okay remember that

that's not going to work either

okay guys

it should in theory be break time

but it's not

I'm going to give it a little longer

call the Vatican headquarters ask to speak with the Pope

why would I want to do that

that was a test one that I sent

Anyway, who's stapling over there?

What's going on?

Good God.

All right, Artie.

Leave your guns alone.

Quit cleaning your guns.

Yeah, Artie, this is...

Sorry, guys, that's me.

Are you cleaning?

You're not allowed to have guns over there.

Hey, Artie, this is...

Hey, we don't allow guns in...

This is a good prank, then, you're saying?

It's supposed to have...

Yeah, basically, have you seen Get Him to the Greek?

Yes, I have.

Do you remember the part...

I don't want to spoil it, but do you remember the pajama hero goes up to the front desk of the hotel?

Okay, yes.

And he asks for a guest?

Yes.

I kind of did that to Walgreens.

Okay, all right, let's do that, okay.

But there's some hold music in there.

It's only two minutes long.

All right, I'll connect you.

Do you need to...

I don't need to.

They don't need to.

Listen.

Hello, this is the pharmacy technician.

Lena speaking.

Hi, I'm looking for a prescription, please.

Okay, who am I speaking with?

My name, can you spell it?

I'll spell it real quick.

Is that your first name or is that your last name?

That's my last name.

What's your first name?

E-O-E-E-N-E

Are you serious? Are you joking?

Yes, I'm serious.

What's your date of birth?

Um, 4...

Are you joking? Because I hear somebody in the back...

I'm not joking, ma'am. I swear I'm not joking. This is my name.

My birth date is 4-2-0-8-9.

And what do you need?

I'm looking for my pills and my powder.

Okay, can you not call back prank calling, please?

I'm not prank calling, ma'am.

Okay, wait, I have your phone number, and I'll go ahead and report that.

I'm not, I'm not Peg Tong.

I'm looking for my heroin.

Your name is not Cocaine Heroin, and your birthday is not 420, okay?

My birthday is 420.

I was born on April 20th, 1989.

I love you.

That's awesome.

Your name is not Cocaine Heroin.

And your birthday is not 420.

UK Ted.

Hey.

Sorry about that.

Good.

I lost Tuck and Artie.

And you keep calling and disconnecting.

Are you alright?

You having problems with your phone?

No, I'm not meaning to do that.

I don't know what's happening.

Well, I was putting you guys on hold because I had someone else calling in.

Oh, right.

Someone from, what's it called?

NHB Radio.

You ever heard of them?

Probably not.

No.

They're just one of those prank things.

They're not really, how do you say?

They're not into prank.

They do like radio shows, but just for entertainment purposes.

You know what I mean?

Excuse me.

Artie.

Hey, LT.

Hi, Carlito.

You hung up on me.

Sorry.

I had other people calling there, and I had to put them on, and they're talking about stuff.

Let me get Ted back here.

You know what?

What?

Screw him.

Cool?

Screw him.

Oh, okay.

That's good.

Bob Doe.

You know who I am, Carlito?

Jonathan?

My name is Coaching Harold.

All right.

Enough.

Guys, I'm going to disconnect everybody if you guys just start behaving.

Ted, are you on here yet?

I am.

I don't know about Ted Webb.

Oh, the Ted Webb.

That's right.

All right, I've got to differentiate you guys.

I'm hearing you, Kutravecha.

All right.

I just caught up a prank that they did on the Stern show.

And what was that?

Do you remember the ones that they did?

I think it was the Talking Yankees guy.

Talking Yankees guy?

Yeah, they kept pranking on his little public access show.

Oh, yeah.

Well, they kept saying, am I on the air?

And they just keep asking, am I on the air?

Okay, that's classic, yes.

Yeah, I found there's a local one here, one of those swap shop kind of places, radio shows,

but it's on like at 630 in the morning.

I'm like, I'd prank it, but God, it's too fucking early for that shit.

Maybe one day when I'm up that late.

Maybe, maybe.

And then Tuck, I'm trying to call Tuck back, but I'm not seeing that he's online.

Tuck or Mike, and it says he's offline.

I don't know if that's true or not.

Tuck, are you still online?

Send me a message or something.

I want to get Tuck back on.

Or Tuck, you call me.

Tuck, call me.

It just tells me offline, add phone number.

away i see okay i don't know okay all right well uh people want pranks we got a lot of people in

chat room upset that we're not doing enough pranks lonesome loser has sent in a lot of

numbers and we need to be pranking here i need to take a break first however i apologize we're

going to take a quick five minute break when i come back we're going to do some more pranks

and stuff let me run through here and play some uh information on that i will uh while we do a

break i will attempt to see if i can uh go ahead and buy those credits i'm going to give it one

One less shot.

That would be awesome.

Way.

Okay, all right.

Well, people want pranks.

We got a lot of people in the chatroom upset that we're not doing enough pranks.

Lonesome Loser has sent in a lot of numbers that we need to be pranking.

Who the hell is that?

I need to take a break first, however.

I apologize.

We're going to take a quick five-minute break.

When I come back, we're going to do some more pranks.

All right.

I'll shut UKTED off.

I'm cracking the shit.

UKTED's playing Echo, so I'll shut him off.

You just got to take a shit, everyone.

No, not really.

So I just want to take a piss, to be honest with you, is what I really have to do.

Okay.

Do you sit down to piss?

Brendan has sent in a number for the Panda House and for Masala Spices of India.

That's a contender right there.

What?

Does that thing make you sit down to piss?

No.

You made me when I was over there.

I know, because you pee on the toilet seat.

Okay.

Anyway, we got a number for Sam Goody.

We can ask him about that song.

Golden Bowl.

These are for Lonesome Loser, by the way.

Joe's Travel Plaza, Oakland Truck Stop, Polka Polish Restaurant, Ho Bars and Restaurant,

Peking Restaurant, or is it Peking, and the Golden Tiger Chinese.

A bunch of stuff going on in there.

Prince is the captain.

Okay.

Hello, Captain.

Hello.

All right.

We got the captain.

And someone else is informing us.

We got a few requests for pranks also.

Okay, cool.

All right.

Well, that's it.

We'll be right back in about, like I said, five minutes.

We're going to play two prank calls here.

When we come back, more prank calls, more of your requests, more of your stuff.

Madhouse Radio, yada, yada, yada.

Thank you.

It's too doggone late.

Too doggone late.

Test of extra death.

Be back right after this.

Tell me 40,000 people are coming here?

They're not here.

Free at 1-888-278-8509.

You know what?

I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trap door at the bottom.

So when you die, you open that trap door at the bottom.

You check the GPS and you go straight down to the head.

Madhouse radio is back. You are bigger than a woman. You are better than a woman. We'll always be behind you. Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

I think it's about time for me to hit these asses against the left side of their head with some of that West Coast gangsta shit.

Oh, wait, wait.

All right, everybody, we are back.

Oh, hi.

Hello sons of bitch

Madhouse Radio

What's up you son of a bitch

You might be the sex offender you son of a bitch

Yes Joe I'm Carlito and I'm back

You ask me if I'm coming back

I'm telling you I'm here I'm back

I'm here Carlito's in

Madhouse Radio

Madhouse Radio for the first week of November

Our first show in the month of November

I forgot to change the poll I just realized

The Madhouse poll

monthly and i forgot to change it this morning whoops it's supposed to be monthly monthly yeah

just like a period once a period which trouble makes me come to wonderful um so is there anything

coming up for the black friday show this year uh yeah i don't see why not there should be a black

friday thanksgiving i mean do you have anything planned no it's not about black friday you mean

I want to call a gas station

And ask if the watermelon starburst

Makes my lips get better

You do that already

AMD says call a hotel

Tell them about two days ago you dumpster dived them

And the food you got out of the dumpster made you ill

And you want to make a complaint

Good idea

I ate your trash

And it made me sick

Like your shit trash food

We still got to call the double tree

Yeah, that's true.

All right, Artie, share the story with us.

All right, so Artie tells me that he somehow got involved with Occupy Orlando.

But, Artie, you tell the story better than I do.

So you went to hang out with your sister, and you guys were drinking,

and that's how it started.

Yeah.

She was staying at the Doubletree Hotel in Orlando,

and they're basically camped out right across the street from the hotel.

Okay.

And basically we started drinking.

The bar closed at midnight,

night so like we didn't have anyone to hang out with you know so we went and hang out with the

protesters they were coming into the hotel a lot to go to the bathroom you know okay so i hung out

with them and she went up to her room i stood out there drinking protesters and i got entirely too

fucked up and had my little hangover moment where i woke up having no idea what just happened

don't you hate that yeah how many times that happened to you um i've never woken up and

not remember what i've done the night before they always say that's when you have a problem already

just letting you know i'm not trying to say nothing i know i'm not drinking anymore oh sure

you're not and everyone says that and and sure enough it's not an addiction it's just i don't

know when to stop you have a problem like i can keep myself from not drinking at all okay this

is what i'm gonna do okay all right so what so all i know already so all right continue you you

got really messed up and then you found out later on all the shit that you did yeah i basically i

I guess I, well, one thing I barely remember is

they were talking to a cop in public when I was intoxicated.

Okay.

And he's basically telling me,

you've got to go up to your hotel room now.

I'm like, okay, sir.

Probably not the brightest of ideas what I did next.

Okay.

I guess I went into the hotel, and I started pissing in the lobby.

You're peeing.

So you called the girl that you like to talk to on the phone,

and she said all she remembers that you were giggling.

And when she asked why you were giggling,

you said you were peeing inside the trash can?

trash can the trash can okay so the the front the front desk calls your sister and says to come down

and get you because they're going to call the cops on you yeah wow and you didn't remember any of this

until when it took you a while to remember until the next day yeah my sister said i was just pissing

in the lobby really i assumed i'd basically pop my pants and started pissing you know wow and

basically i i also going around to people at the protest and saying hey here's my car keys i'm

I'm fucked up.

Drive me to Denny's and I'll pay for your food.

Okay.

And someone did.

Well, yeah.

I mean, you're offering free Denny's food.

Who would want to turn that down?

Well, no, we ended up going to IHOP, I guess.

I didn't find that out until just tonight because the person who ended up taking me called me.

No idea how he got my number.

No idea how his number is saved on my phone.

Right.

I'm like, who the fuck is Steven?

Right, right.

We should call him up.

So you want to call the hotel back anyways.

What you're saying is call the hotel back.

Yeah, we should call the Steven of yours, yes.

Email me his number.

But we should call the hotel back and say we were there last week.

We should say we were there last week and that you were paying.

Some man was urinating.

I think you should take this.

Maybe I will, I think.

Just send me the, find me the phone number.

I'm too busy.

Or Lonesome will find it out there.

He's friends of yours.

Yeah, Lonesome will find the number to the Doubletree, Orlando, in downtown Orlando.

There you go.

Good.

That's good.

Sounds good.

All right, cool.

All right.

Yeah, okay.

Okay, so anyway, Lonesome sent in a few numbers already, though,

however, that we need to get to.

No luck.

Unfortunately, no luck.

Ted, do you have any idea how long does it take to buy Skype credits

after you get money in your PayPal account?

You probably don't use PayPal to buy Skype credits anyway.

No, I do.

It's instantaneous normally.

Yeah, I don't know what's going on.

It just tells me I guess it's going to have to be until later on.

But I'll use them, folks.

Don't worry.

Thank you for all your donations.

I think there was one more donation that I should let you guys thank, whoever did.

I'll review that before the end of the show and get proper thanks for what they do.

Thank you.

Well, anyway, if you do want to send in those requests, Madhouse Radio on AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger.

AOL, Yahoo Instant Messenger, Madhouse Radio.

If you're using MSN Messenger, that is madhouseatlive.com.

Of course, be sure to follow me on Twitter.

Madhouse is the name there.

also Facebook Madhouse Live

as well as Madhouse Live Pranks

on Facebook links to those are all

at the website MadhouseLive.com

on the line now

here on the conference is Big Ted

Webb and Evil Artie

Milkman got arrested or something

I don't know and Tuck disappeared

and I've tried to call Tuck back

and I can't find him

we also have some folks from NHB Radio

you know anything about NHB Radio? I found them once

and they seem to have a pretty good crowd there

they've got pretty decent shows

Do their shoutcast thing

They have a chat room

They've been around

For a long time

Yeah Venison

Broadcasts on there

Does he

Alright that's cool

NHB is pretty cool

Cool people there

I'm stuck to the wall

Because my phone is dying

Stuck to the wall

You know

That's how much

Of a

Fucking madhouse

Fan I am

Kokanis is called

Milkman back

Alright let's try to

Call Milkman back

Let's see if

He's fine

Can you

Pray on my barrel

I saw Legend

Was mentioning

That he wanted to be on

Or that he was

He thought maybe he was too cool to be on

Or not cool enough

It'd be cool, Legend is funny, dude

Legend, if you're on Skype

And you want to join in the show

Anybody, any of you phone loser guys

If you want to join in

By all means, go ahead

Hey, Tuck is here

Alright, Tuck

Oh, okay

I didn't know what you were doing

I thought you were coming back

Oh, no, I tried

I don't know

It kept saying that you were away

And then it would go to voicemail

I don't know why

I don't have a

Do I have a voicemail?

I'll be right back

I don't know

Alright, he's going to step out

Oh, okay

I don't know

It said, away, enter in phone number for you.

I was like, oh.

It got locked up, I guess.

Anyway, I'm here.

I've been searching for your songs still.

There's still no avail.

No luck.

Do you even know what I'm talking about yet?

I do.

You do?

I do, and I got to fix songs, took them ahead, but it's very similar.

yours is more a bad eddie's top 40 ish um over over over over produced

kokini says to use kokini says yeah i'm sorry kokini's saying to use the paypal

uh funds we got to post uh milkman's bail well yeah oh that i'm sorry i interrupted you ted yeah

but that's that's uh i don't know what's going on man i really wish i knew where that uh song came

from i don't know hang on let's try to call milkman real quick hopefully you guys can all

please enjoy the following music while we can find them okay it's gonna be something like shot

day or something the muckman is a cab driver now hey yeah probably get shot man i don't know he's

not answering i'm kind of worried that you heard that right i wish i had a replay of it he's like

i gotta go where i go he found out i was listening and he he secondly knew i was gonna call in so

he had to go no it wasn't like that clay says my song is super mario super mario mixed with the

The chimes from Band on the Run.

Help us or don't help us.

Seriously.

I wanted to announce, I'm going to try to watch this Doctor Who thing

that you guys have been talking about.

I know it's on BBC America now.

I might try to catch up on those.

I used to watch the old Doctor Who.

I used to watch it.

It used to come on after.

Where I live, the old Doctor Who used to come on on the weekends.

Yeah.

yeah um go grab like season one or season two of this current revamp and uh start from there

all right okay i'll check you know that's that's one or two is if you start either one is fine

really yeah i guess i don't know check it out because you know i like the old doctor who used

to come on before the stargazer remember stargazer that old guy is he still alive stargazer i wonder

stargazer you know every night every night on pbs uh yeah the last thing they at least where i lived

at the very end that we show stargazer and it was this guy who walked funny and he talked about

looking at the stars and it was like you know tonight you can see orion's belt oh you mean

just some pbs show well he did five minutes every night every night he did five minutes and he'd

tell you what you could see in the sky that that night sort of like newton's apple remember newton's

apple yeah that was a good that was a good show too yeah no this is it was a five minute bit every

week that pbs carried very late at night and the guy will come out and say okay tonight you're

going to be able to see mars if you look in this area and let me tell you the history of mars and

blah blah blah and it had this music that went i saw this uh cool thing uh it was it was like

the world the world was disney produced in the 50s about mars and their perceptions of mars in

in the 1950s. It was really

well done, animated

and everything, but it was

you know, it's

scientifically, it's off

now because we've learned so much since

it was produced, but still pretty cool.

Alright, Nunu says, new Doctor Who's

for homosexuals.

Well, Nunu would. MSC3 Clay

says that Stargazer died a few months ago.

I hope not. Oh, well.

I just remembered him after a long time.

What, Artie? I sent you

the dude number from Occupy

irelanda you want to interview him uh maybe he's expecting us did you want to brief him first

yeah all right well maybe i don't know i don't know just call him out of nowhere and tell him

he's on madhouse radio okay did you tell him about madhouse radio first he's gonna be like

what the fuck are you talking about i didn't tell him that joe you call him and say hey

i sucked your cock last week

we went to Denny's last night

and I sucked their cock

this is the dude who drove me to Denny's

are you in Orlando now

or are you back at home

I'm back home

I live about a half hour from Orlando

so you're not living in

ok

Jacob is asking, do I like Star Trek

The Next Generation? Yes, and that brings up a

question. Why is it that

BBC America has Star Trek

The Next Generation? Which I don't mind. I'm happy that

Star Trek The Next Generation is

on TV, but I don't understand why

BBC America... I don't get it either.

You know why? Because the British guy

is the lead in it, and that's

their lame excuse for

running it. It makes no

sense. Patrick Stewart is

British, yeah. I thought he was French. He's not.

he's British

and that's

their lame excuse for playing it

that's it really that's what they get

yeah that's a lame excuse for playing

well they should well that's bullshit

how come I can't see DSpace9 anymore

it's bullshit because I can see Star Trek

and any other fucking channel

yeah well not here I don't know

I don't know where it's syndicated at

it used to be almost every

channel you could get it

I really want to watch DSpace9 I didn't see all the seasons

of that, but I would like to see

Deep Space Nine, but they don't syndicate that anymore.

Or Voyager, for that matter.

I guess you can get...

I got the whole thing of Deep Space Nine

off of Torrent.

You could Torn it.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Torrents?

Actually, Voyager

and Next Generation

are on Netflix.

Obviously, we're talking...

Wait a minute. Is it on Netflix?

Voyager and Next Generation

and Enterprise are all on

Netflix now

I watched the first episode of Enterprise

and I was like eh

I haven't seen it yet

I was like why is the guy from Quantum Leap

on here and I changed the channel

I'm still working my way

through Voyager

Voyager is hard to win to get through

Voyager is hard to watch

it's just a drug on and on

yeah Enterprise is much easier to watch

than Voyager

Enterprise got a lot of shit

it got a lot of shit

but you know I kind of

it was a cool concept

everyone hated it

because of the theme tune I think

yeah the Rod Stewart-y thing

yeah I guess so

that's true yeah I was like this isn't Star Trek

yeah it kind of

alright reining it in here

or we need to do pranks.

That's what we get paid for here.

We're going to get fired.

Do you want to do pranks

this time then, Steven?

I don't know.

Artie, we'll get to the end,

all right?

You know, I want to, you know.

I might not be here at the end.

Well, then we'll talk shit

about you behind your back.

This is a prank show, isn't it?

Yeah, it is.

Let's do pranks.

It's called

Legend Taiwanese Inn.

Legend Taiwanese Grill, rather.

God, my knee's hurting me.

I had a little sex today

and my knee's hurting me.

Can I call your dog now

on someone?

Very funny.

Who are you calling?

I'm calling a Taiwanese police.

No, no, your sister is my sister.

Pure Evil says that they've got DS9 on Netflix.

Yeah, this is Taiwan.

Yeah, do you have Thai food?

Thai food?

Yeah, I'd like some Thai food, please.

No, we don't have Thai food.

This is Taiwanese.

Yeah, Taiwanese.

Alright, so I like Pad Thai.

Excuse me?

Pad Thai.

Pad Thai? What's that?

It's Thai food.

No, we don't have Thai food.

It's Taiwanese, not Thai food.

Taiwanese, exactly. Thai food.

okay so you you want what pad thai hot pie yeah what's some other thai food ted you got any i'm

not good at this hello yes hello i'd like to make an order please okay what you want order

hello yeah i want something fried hello i want some noodles fried noodle yes you want a fried

noodle yes fried noodles and i want your noodle ah he understood that one jerk yeah first all i

All I know is pad thai for Thai food.

And they put coconut milk in everything.

That's all I know about Thai food.

How can it be a Thai food place and not serve Taiwanese food?

That doesn't make any sense to me.

It's all the same.

I thought it was the same thing.

I was confused.

I don't know any Vietnamese.

Wait, you said Taiwanese.

I don't know any Taiwanese dishes.

No, but I was trying to be...

Thai and Thai is the same damn thing.

It was Taiwanese and Thailand,

and I was trying to be funny and order Thai food from a Taiwanese place

so he would get upset.

He's a very angry man now.

Do you have any Indian restaurants?

Do I have any Indian restaurants? I'm sure, yes, I do.

As a matter of fact, I do. I wanted to mention, guys,

real quick, Netflix, according to someone,

I forgot who the listener was because I scrolled up already,

but they say Deep Space Nine is on there

and that the original series of Star Trek

is also on Netflix, rather.

YouTube

has, CBS and YouTube

released all of the

original series on YouTube for free.

However,

I was like, oh, that's cool.

You know what episode I want to see?

the carbamite remover,

maneuver, you know?

The only one they don't have?

And that's the only one

they don't have.

Well, so you've got to

be fucking kidding me.

And I've read it online.

It's like,

they came to an agreement,

you know.

You've got some

serious packet loss there, sir.

You've got that

damn hotel internet,

you know?

And people on there

using those torrents

getting Star Trek.

Try it again.

Oh, God,

the nerds are back.

The nerds are back.

I'm saying you can watch

every Star Trek,

every series on

Project Free TV.

What's that?

Just stream it.

Oh, what's that?

Is that a buzzer?

IP nerds.

What?

Already?

God, you're so weird.

I just thought of something you told me, dude.

You got on the wrong bus once for school, and you're like, oh, shit, it's IP nerds.

Just Google it.

Watch everything you can think of.

Don't tweet every day.

All right, guys.

Enough.

Wow, wow, wow, wow.

I don't know.

You guys are going, all of you talking at once and going way over my head.

HiBuddies.com.

Okay.

All right, guys.

Sounds good.

Good. Hey, where was I at here?

That was the legendary Taiwanese.

Let's call Taste Good Taiwanese here.

Anyway, if any of you want to take a prank, now's the time.

Ted, would you like to do a prank?

You just kind of did one, but if you want one from scratch, you can call him.

You do? Good.

Yes.

All right.

Affirmative.

Taste Good Taiwanese.

There are four lights.

That echo's good.

Yeah, who this?

Who this?

Tony.

Oh, who's Tony, motherfucker?

who is you who is you who is you yeah uh who it is who this who is you who who is you what what

do you say now look uh not now listen to me you listen to what i'm saying what you talking about

you don't understand is something wrong with your ears where is car is car now look you put your

husband back on the phone your husband what do you want i want to talk to your husband talk to

I want to talk to that man.

I want to talk to you.

Oh.

They're all confused.

Like, who?

Huh?

He?

Who?

Who this?

I don't think that was that incoherent.

Who this?

I'll try.

Okay.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

Who this?

Huh?

Who this?

You call who?

Yes, who?

Who?

Doctor who?

You call who?

Doctor who?

Thai food.

Taiwanese?

No.

Beijing style.

This is Taiwanese food.

Call Taiwanese.

Uh-huh.

This is Taiwanese.

Where is the call?

The restaurant.

Yeah, I'm making order, damn it.

You want the order?

Yeah, stupid.

What do you want?

You have rice there.

What kind of rice?

Fried rice?

Fried rice with coconut.

Huh?

Fried rice with coconuts.

Okay.

What kind of fried rice?

Coconut.

No, we don't have coconut.

Pineapple?

No.

Bananas?

No.

Apples?

Apple fried rice.

That sounds kind of good.

Yeah.

Artie?

Calling her back.

Artie, you take it.

Order food.

Fried rice.

I'm sick.

I hope he dies.

I think there's fried rice in your nose.

Hello?

Yeah.

How you doing?

I don't understand.

Do you not understand because your eyes are slanted?

I don't speak English.

Speaking English right now, you dumb cunt.

I don't understand.

Why are you answering the phones then?

You want the order?

You come here and pick it up, okay?

I want order and I'm going to come and pick it up.

Yeah, you come here.

Okay, can I get noodles?

What kind of noodles?

Are you gonna suck my dick too?

Huh?

Are you gonna suck my dick too?

It's a big conference now.

See, that's not big.

How's it going on in the sky?

We need someone to translate.

I'm trying to figure out if she can suck his dick.

Oh, okay.

Could you go cruder, RD?

Huh?

Could you go more cruder than you are already?

Yeah, could you just... yeah.

Could you even just try to get us around this?

I didn't think she'd know what I said.

Could you get this all traced and arrested?

Could you try for that?

I'm confused because something just happened with the Skype.

All of a sudden it started ringing all weird and everything said no answer.

It seems to keep trying to redial UK Ted.

What?

Yeah, Ted, what are you doing to UK Ted?

Yeah, what are you doing, Ted?

I'm going to drop you, Ted.

He's going to go clean his guns and he's hacking the Skype.

Hello?

Hello, I'd like to place an order.

I'm talking about Star Trek.

Can you hear me?

Someone's saying apologize in the back.

Hello, can you hear me?

Ni hao ma?

Ni hao xiong hua ma?

Xie xie, ni hao ma?

Xie xie?

Xie le ma?

Hey, gooks, come on.

All right, hang on.

You guys might get dropped here, right?

Gooks?

Oh, my God.

God, already.

Jesus Christ.

Hey, you guys might get dropped here.

For due, I'll call you back.

Hello?

Hello, hello, hello.

We lost him.

Yes, IG-69.

Hey, Carlito.

Hey, how you doing?

What's up?

Hey, what's up?

You want to do some pranks?

Yeah, sure.

What was that?

It's IG-89.

Oh, hey.

How you doing?

Hang on, okay?

I have to call people back.

You stay there, okay?

Yes, sir.

Don't you say anything.

I'm okay.

Alrighty.

All right.

Hang on.

Let me get the other...

I thought I was getting kicked off the show for my racism.

No, no, no.

It's just it was acting weird again.

All right, Tuck, if you're listening, you have to call me back, because it's telling

me that I can't call you.

so tuck callbacks i can add you back and i'll get ted here also and then we got uk ted also that's

right hello that orange chicken was fucking good good for you ted you back yes all right good we

got ted back uk ted i hope it helps my cold uk ted you back oh i should go get some onion rings

at burger king yeah do that go take a nice long trip if you're gonna do that hey wait a minute

real quick because your last prank just reminded me of something are you allowed to talk about the

the conversation you had with your mom?

Oh, hang on.

Why can't you call me?

That's weird.

I don't know.

Artie, are you allowed to talk about the conversation

you told me you had with your mom?

Because that's a really funny story.

Your good mom?

About the wedding?

Yeah, about the wedding.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, so your mom called you today,

and tell everybody what happened.

Well, first of all, tell her about the girl.

Yeah, okay, go ahead.

Well, I met a girl at a wedding,

and we ended up, and I actually showed her,

because she's from Boston.

I let her listen to the Red Sox.

Okay.

Do you remember that one?

That's a classic, yes, I do.

Yeah, well, anyway, we're having a good time.

I was completely fucked up like I was at this protest five days later.

Okay.

And she sucked your cock.

She sucked your cock.

Well, no, that's funny you say.

Anyways, she wouldn't text me back after the wedding at all, you know?

And I'm thinking, what the hell?

She was cool, you know?

my mom's best friend is mom's i guess mom calls me he's like i was called susan i was mortified

joe i was mortified he was talking to sam yes should i blurted out her name it's all right

go ahead continue and um sam says that you asked her for a kiss and i'm like okay and she said no

i'm like okay i guess i was pretty drunk and then i guess i said well how about this

a suck in my dick then.

So your mom knows

you asked a girl

to suck your dick.

That's embarrassing.

Of all the things, man.

And it wasn't welcome.

It wasn't welcome.

And I'm like,

that's why she's not

texting me back.

Shame on her.

Wow.

Shame on her.

She might have been

fucking lying about that.

Who knows?

So you don't remember this?

I don't think she was.

Yeah.

Something tells me

she didn't just make up

that boy said

he's gonna suck

one of me suckers dick.

What is up with that?

Artie, so your mom, were you embarrassed?

Has your mom ever talked to you about stuff like that before?

No, she knows I'm like that.

That you like getting your dick sucked up the bed.

Oh, so you're like that.

So it's very possible you actually did do this.

You were like that.

It's like another person comes out when I'm too fucked up.

This is out of your, like, nature.

You've got a problem.

You've got a problem, Artie.

It's like evil Artie comes out.

Evil Artie really does come out.

So what did you tell your mom?

Did you tell your mom I didn't say that?

I'm like, Mom, I don't remember saying that.

I mean, I'm not saying I didn't.

This is after your mom was already saying that she thinks you have a drinking problem.

And then this happens.

Yes.

Wow.

Are you old enough to have a drinking problem?

I'm 22.

He's 22.

Oh, yeah.

22.

He's got the mind of a 16-year-old.

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

Oh, boy.

And UK Ted, I mean, over there, what, you can be 16 and drink, right?

With a parent or something like that?

We're breastfed vodka.

Nice.

You could be an alcoholic at nine years old.

And you probably are if you're in Ireland.

Well, no, we don't become alcoholics because we grow up on the stuff, you know?

We learn to respect it.

It's not special.

You just call it drink.

It was cool.

I got smoked out for the first time at this wedding, like, out of nowhere.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Like, where someone tells you, hey, come over.

Come over here.

Nice to work you out.

Yeah, good times.

Wow.

We do the stuff.

Yeah.

Myra wants us to call Mark again

Let me try to call Mark again

Because he didn't answer before

He does with guitars and stuff

He has a guitar thing

He plays a guitar

He works at a guitar center also

Oh

I thought you were going somewhere else

No no

He plays with guitars

He does a guitar thing

That's a funny story

I'd be mortified

Your mom said it too

Dude, mortified.

I'd be mortified.

I'm going to call me.

My mom kept wanting to talk about it.

I'm like, Mom, I don't know why.

A special kiss.

You asked her for a kiss.

She was special.

So how much of your allowance do you spend on beer then?

Huh?

That's a good question.

Is this Mark?

Yes.

Hey, Mark, hi.

Listen, I was wondering, you're good with the guitars, right?

Yes.

Do you sell guitars?

Not really.

You work at a guitar center?

No, I don't.

What do you do with guitars?

This is Cross.

My name's Cross. You work at a guitar, with guitars, right?

Also.

My name's Cross. I'm in a band. We're called the Wingnuts, and we're all on the line right now.

We need guitars for our concert tomorrow.

You do?

Yes. We got Tucker Mikes on the line, Big Ted, Evil Artie, UK Ted, and IG-69.

We're all in a band together. Say hi, guys.

Hiya. How's it going?

Hi.

Yeah, what up?

I'm actually the drummer, guys. I don't need a guitar.

All right, so we need a guitar that you can play drums on also.

We're thinking of

Guitar shaped drums

I want a band sitar

Do you sell sitars there?

Shut up Ted

Which one? Mark? Are you there?

Mark

That was from my room

I thought you were going to tell Ted to shut up

American Ted

Tell UK Ted to shut up

Oh okay good

Shut up UK Ted

If you're going to say anything to Ted

you have to specify UK Ted or Ted Webb.

Then feelings get hurt

and you don't know what's going on.

Just call me US Ted.

You end up sucking each other's cocks.

Anyway.

At the end of the night

we end up sucking each other's cocks.

I should have asked him.

I should have asked Mark about the song.

I should have sung it for him.

Hang on, let me call him back real quick.

Let me see if he knows the song.

Guys, I'm not crazy.

There's a song out there that goes

Is there an app that you can do that?

Isn't there an app you can sing the song to and it tells you what it is?

There is an app.

I don't know what it is.

Maybe it's an iPhone app or something.

Probably isn't out for Android.

That sucks.

Android or something.

Yeah, I know they demonstrated it.

Mark?

It's flashing.

It's not doing that.

Mark?

Mark, is this Mark?

Mark, listen, there's a song that I can't figure out.

You know the song that goes,

dun, dun, dun.

Glasgow, Gibson Guitars?

He does the Milkman thing.

No, that was me.

That was Jim Asselt.

All right, bye.

Already, you're off the show.

See you.

Bye.

That was funny, dude.

That's not funny.

You fell for it.

You make me feel like an asshole.

Thanks a lot.

I appreciate it.

I got you.

You got got.

I Rickrolled you.

Right.

He did everything to you.

he didn't seem too mean

maybe he was just attacked by lots of people at the same time

and was like what the fuck

but you know I figured

I figured he'd be used to that

try to have fun with that one I guess

they took down my crisis ad really quick

that sucks

I don't know they flagged it to get taken down

what was the ad

I need help moving

if you help me move

oh that one

well no a new one I just did one right before the show started

about 30 minutes into the show

Oh, it's already off.

Yeah.

It was like, I have three brand new twin-size mattresses in the bag still that you can have.

Thank you, Wendif.

PlayStation 3, gone.

You just helped those black guys call back.

Dude, yeah.

I did it in a different town.

Those black guys were something else.

They were awesome.

Nunu says he sent the numbers.

I don't see him anywhere.

Nunu?

We need to call the monkey at Burger King.

If I can find the number.

I've got it here.

Well, I think they closed at midnight our time.

Yeah, he's gone by now.

Or was it one?

It was one our time, I think.

So we need to give it some time.

Perfect.

We've got to give it some time.

Hang on.

We're already called Taiwanese.

I've got the Golden Tiger Chinese restaurant here.

We've got a lot of Asian restaurants here.

Who wants to take this one?

Anybody in particular?

Artie, you want to do a prank on your own?

Nah.

I'll do it.

All right.

UK Ted?

All right, cool.

Good luck.

Was that UK Ted or IG?

Who said that?

IG-69?

IG-69.

All right, IG-69.

New pranker on the line.

Good luck.

Blah, blah, blah.

Sorry, I disconnected it.

I've got another one here, don't worry.

It's not a message show, it's a prank show, sir.

You mean well.

Add to conversation.

Hello, is this a Chinese restaurant?

Yes.

Hi, would you like to make an order, please?

Around the corner.

Around the corner?

Yo, yo, what are you, stupid?

Okay, what do you like?

No, man, what do you like?

It's kind of high right now.

Yo, let me put my friend Ted on.

Yo, UK Ted.

Hello?

Hi, do you deliver?

Deliver to where?

To the UK.

Pardon?

Main Street.

Do you deliver, yeah?

Yes.

Okay, I'll have a liver and onions, please.

What onion?

Liver and onions, please.

Oh, sorry, we don't have a liver onion.

You said you deliver.

We do deliver, but we...

Okay, I'll have some liver then, please.

Pardon?

I'll have some liver then, please. Liver and onions.

We don't have that.

You said you deliver.

We do.

You do liver.

Okay, sorry, now we're closed. Thank you for calling.

You're closed now? Wait, you were going to take my order, now you're not. What?

What?

We deliver 9.30.

We close 9.30.

Okay.

You stop doing liver at 9.

Thank you.

Good night.

Well, don't you...

Is it because I'm British?

Well, that's the patient.

Okay.

That's the patient.

That's, uh...

That prank is from, uh...

Who's that guy?

He's pretty old, man.

Radio.

Radio prank.

Yeah, that's a classic one.

I'm sure Ted's got that.

Don't put me on the spot like that.

I couldn't think of any.

You do the liver.

Yeah.

Oh, I'll have liver.

Yeah.

Now, think about that.

IG, you're a little...

IG's a little nervous.

Okay, IG.

You don't have to be nervous.

The first thing I learned, try not to laugh

during the prank. Don't be nervous.

Don't laugh at your own joke.

That's a start. Good start. Good first prank,

everybody. Let's hear it for IG-69.

He's getting there.

Sorry, I would have thought

something better to say, but I wasn't expecting

to be put on the spot like that.

It's okay.

The whole point is...

I'm around the corner. What are you, stupid?

It's called improv.

You don't know what's going to happen.

Who was snapping like it's a poetry slam?

Was that you, Tuck?

Yeah.

I like that.

That's funny.

The poetry slam snapping.

Okay, continuing on.

Ho bar and restaurant.

Ho bar?

Ho's bar.

Ho's bar and restaurant.

Show your titties.

Ha, ha, ha.

Ho's bar.

Anybody want to call this, Tuck?

You want to do a happy meet or whatever?

You don't have to do a happy meet.

You can do whatever.

Ho's bar.

Where's this at?

San Francisco.

Open your Pearl Leagues.

Milkman's town, where he's being arrested right now.

Let's look for Milkman.

We're putting on blue gloves right now for Milkman.

Hi, I'm looking for a friend.

We don't know if he's going to be there or not.

Milkman, we think he's in trouble,

and we think we may have gone into that place.

This is our host boss for a restaurant.

Are we calling the right number or no?

Yes, we are.

This is one of his haunts.

And we're afraid he might run in there.

He answers to Milkman.

No, I'm paying no stranger in this restaurant, so it's okay.

Oh, so it's just your friends and your family that eat at your restaurant?

They hang up already.

What a dick.

Apparently so.

That was weird.

No strangers come with you.

No strangers.

strangers come into his place so it's just his friends and family that he just has a restaurant

let me try let me give it a step fuck a house yeah hi hose can you hold please uh i'd rather not

hello there's some hoes in this house there's some hoes in this house there's some hoes there's

some hoes thank you for holding for the liver pickup hey that didn't take too long this is for

pickup okay phone number please uh listen well my name is cross and i'm looking do you have milk

Milk there? Do you have milk there?

Sir?

Don't be afraid. I'm sorry. That was a mistake.

Please, that wasn't me. That was you.

I think I was on your end of the line.

Thank you, Artie. Thank you.

Went in the middle of a prank. Let me make a fart.

Very nice.

Yes, hi. Yes, I was calling about my friend Milkman.

He's missing, and we think he might be going there.

He's not going to talk.

That's not fair.

Milkman could be in trouble.

He could be in trouble, and he's just like...

I think I shit myself.

Good, Artie. Why would you do that in the middle of a call?

Just start farting.

I don't know, it was coming dude

It's called mute

No, I wanted to say that we're on air

I couldn't hold it anymore

Hold it, you gotta hold it

Let me not put myself on mute

Let me pull my pants down and put the phone in my ass

And then fart

Milkman

Like bound and gagged in the back of the taxi

Milkman

Are you okay?

I farted for you

Milkman, we're scared, what happened?

and all of a sudden you said you had to go.

Are you okay?

That was a long time ago, man.

What happened?

You beat us a long time ago.

I forgot all about that.

We know we're doing a show and all of a sudden you're like,

I gotta go, I gotta go.

I can't tell you why, I gotta go.

I gotta poop my pants.

Are you okay, Milkman?

He doesn't sound okay.

If you're not safe, say yes three times.

Yes, yes, yes.

Tap on the phone three times.

Oh, God.

Well, Milkman, I don't know.

You want to stand in line or do you have to go again?

I don't know.

You're either in danger.

Are you in a trunk somewhere?

Milkman, do you want to talk?

Do you want to talk off air?

How long are you going to do the show?

Maybe another hour or so.

I don't know.

What's going on, man?

Yeah.

You got us worried.

All right.

That's Ted.

That's your buddy Ted.

You like Ted, right?

Hey, Milkman.

Yeah, Ted.

It's your buddy, Eddie.

Ted, he likes.

How you doing, Milkman?

Hi, bro.

Milkman likes you, right?

How you been?

Good.

How you been?

Oh, man, I miss you, man.

It's good to hear you.

How are you doing?

I'm doing okay, man.

I'm in El Sobrante now.

I heard you're cabbing now.

Yeah, man.

I'm stealing everybody and everyone I can.

You taking them to the airport?

Absolutely.

You should go, like, hang out at the airport, man.

There's always people who need a cab.

Yeah, absolutely, man.

I like that.

Good job right there.

Or the convention center?

Or the strip clubs?

The bathhouse?

Oh, yeah.

You get commission for strip clubs.

Nice.

You get panties.

All right.

Well, Milkman, do you just want me to call you back when the show's over?

You sound like you're not in a good mood.

You okay?

No, and that's what I had told you to call me back in a few minutes.

You said you were going to call back.

I've been waiting.

No, I said call me back.

Oh.

Well, I did try to call you back once.

I remember, guys, when I tried to call back and then it went to voicemail.

Well, we're here.

We'll try to call you back.

Yeah.

So.

Okay.

Yeah, I'll call you in about 10 minutes.

Can you do that?

Okay.

All right.

Bye.

10.30 exactly.

It's 10.30 exactly.

I'll be on the line.

It's 1 o'clock right now.

It's 1.10.

Okay.

So I'll call you back at 30.

30 after the hour is what you're saying, right?

Right on.

10.

10.4.

Love you.

Bye.

10.4.

All right.

Bye.

Be good, buddy.

Okay, Wilkman.

That was odd.

He's acting odd.

That was a little strange.

Something's wrong with him.

I'm worried about him.

Something's wrong.

I don't know.

He went out to that party last week.

I remember he was on the air, and he was all like,

you're having a good time, and he didn't come back.

Oh, he was at the concert.

Yeah, the death metal concert.

Who are we calling?

He said I should be there.

Polish restaurant.

He was taking a picture.

He should have.

See what was going on.

Hello, this is Polka.

The restaurant is open from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m.

from Wednesday through Sunday,

And hence it is closed every Monday and every...

Shut up, Polka.

Sounds Chinese.

It does.

Is that Polish?

He's a Chinese-Polish person.

Chinese.

Chow-ish.

Oh, boy.

This is Joe's Travel Plaza.

I have no idea what this is.

Like a truck stop.

Probably.

You doing it?

Good, take it.

Hello?

Hi, my name is Jack.

Okay.

I stopped at the travel plaza there this evening and went to the bathroom there.

And somebody was looking at me under the bathroom stall and making farting noises.

Oh, in the ladies' room?

No, it wasn't the ladies' room. I'm a man.

Oh, okay. So what happened?

Well, I couldn't, I felt very uncomfortable, and I couldn't finish using the bathroom because this person was making fun of me.

Oh.

And I'm, what do you, you know.

Hello?

Yeah, so what are you going to do about this?

About what?

The fact that you have people looking under the stalls at me.

What did you say again?

I was using the bathroom, and a large truck driver put his head under the stall and was looking at me and making farting noises.

so where did you call it the right number it's joe's truck stop right i was in the bathroom

the guy's or the girl bathroom the guy's bathroom there was a large truck driver

i was right now i can't do anything about it oh my god i'm so pissed at you right now

banish it i can't do anything about it i'll let my manager knows about it well what would you do

if you were trying to go poop and somebody put the large bearded face appears from under the stall

stall and starts going, I don't know. I can't say anything about it. I'll let my manager know about

it. Can I talk to your manager? Oh, he's not here. You got to call him in the morning. He's going to

be here at nine in the morning. Could you stand outside of the stall while I go to the bathroom

and make sure nobody looks at me? Are you in the bathroom right now? Yeah. Okay. I'll go.

Can you come in here? No, I can't come in there. What are you talking about? It's the men's room.

If you have a question, come in the morning. We'll talk about it. All right.

I can't do anything now.

What am I going to do?

Go to the next holiday and they will let you do the bathroom.

Sorry.

I thought I'd add to it by doing a flush toilet.

That's pretty funny.

There's this one that they did on cacti once where they called up like a 7-Eleven or an iHopper at Denny's, I think,

and asked them if they'd adjust the camera in stall three.

In the bathroom?

Yeah.

Oh, God.

Those cacti.

We had a camera, but it needed to be adjusted to when.

Oh, those cacti people.

I tell you.

Thanks for ripping off other shows.

Yeah, thanks, Ted, for ripping off...

No, I'm kidding.

Hang on, let's see.

I was getting angry at you.

I know.

I'm going to be the guy.

I'm playing the guy who was looking at you in the toilet.

No, I'm going to send me an email and say it's not everything I want to do.

Quiet, UK Ted.

UK Ted.

No, this is like he's in the toilet.

It's just opinions.

It's not everything I want to do.

Is this the truck stop?

Yeah, listen, listen, listen.

I'm sorry about the noise.

My name is Seabass, and I was there.

I was using the toilet.

Okay.

Okay, and then there was another man in there, and I started watching him.

Okay, what time?

Just a few moments ago.

I went into the bathroom, and there was another man in there,

and I was looking at him, and I think he's upset.

Well, at this moment, there is nobody here.

Well, it was a while ago.

It wasn't too long ago.

I went in the bathroom, and I put my head under, and I could see him using the bathroom.

Oh, yeah, but he should tell us at the same time.

We don't know.

So many coming, so many going.

No, I was looking at him.

I was the one that was doing it.

We don't have windows in the bathroom.

No, I was looking, like I looked inside the door.

I opened the door, and I looked inside.

Yeah, but here he saw a lot of coming, a lot of going.

Okay.

We don't know who was there.

I was there.

It was me.

Do you understand?

Sir, if you have any problem, call in the morning when the manager is here.

You should talk with him.

We just started our shift.

Do you have a sister?

Sister?

Your sister.

No.

You don't have sister? Mother? Do you have mother?

Why are you talking about this?

Because I want to...

We don't have any concern about this.

If you want to talk with the manager, come in the morning.

I want to kiss your mother.

We just started our shift.

We don't know before.

But I'm telling you, I went to the bathroom and there was someone else in the bathroom.

Which bathroom?

Men's bathroom or ladies' bathroom?

Men's bathroom.

So what did happen over there?

I looked at the man, I opened the door, and I watched him use the bathroom.

I thought I'd get him on the sister thing.

He didn't have a sister, but he got a little upset about the mother.

He was way too zen.

He was just like, hey, we're just acting like you.

Ted, you try again.

People hate you.

Everyone loves to hate the Jack voice.

I get angry the second I start speaking.

Well, they don't like black people.

Try Bubba.

How many calories are in Starburst?

Your mom.

Hello?

In the background.

He hung up.

He picked up, but he heard Artie talking about my mom.

Your mom.

We got a lot of requested pranks that I will get to for the end of the night.

We're going through some Monster Loser ones.

We're going to do some Nunu pranks here that he asked for.

The voice of Artie is an automatic hang-up.

I know.

But before that, I just want to mention that we got numbers here from DJ Scott,

Prince Harry, French Volb, Dirty Aaron, Lil' Kimmy, Tabachi, and UK Ted.

You sent the request to Frank also that we have to get to.

So we will get to those here before the night's over.

DJ Scott sent in a lot of them.

I don't know if he's messing around.

I haven't looked at them yet.

Is Dirty Aaron,

Aaron, is that the guy that used to always want to be green?

Who was that?

You remember Tuck?

Remember there was a guy who was like, make me.

It wasn't.

Yeah, his name wasn't Dirty Aaron.

No.

What was it?

He was like, make me green.

Make me green.

Remember?

Because he was in there in the chat just now.

It started with a B, I think.

Was it with a B?

I think so.

It was a stupid.

It was like shit or something like that.

Wasn't it something like that?

Like puke or shit?

Well, it wasn't.

It was something like that.

It wasn't an actual four-letter word.

Well, he used to come in all the time.

Douche.

Yes, douche.

Bad.

Doosh.

Thank you.

That's totally what it was.

There you go.

Gold star for you, sir.

Yeah.

Thank you, Bavs.

You were right.

Yes, it was douche.

Is that who that is?

Someone was in the chat room.

I just noticed right now.

Kept saying, make me green and stuff.

So I don't know if that was a...

It's a meme at this point.

It's a meme.

It probably is.

Make me green.

I notice a lot of people listening to the old shows.

I keep getting Facebook messages and emails like, you know, I'm listening to 2006.

I would turn on Cacti Radio and see Madhouse from, like, 2005.

Yeah.

Oh, that reminds me.

I mentioned on Facebook today, but last night I was going through some old hard drives,

and I found two months of shows, November and December of 2005,

unedited, untouched, unreviewed, missing shows.

That's the old ones from you.

Your voice has changed a lot.

That would have been around the time I actually started calling in.

yeah there you go yeah i listened to one i edited one already and it's like me andy and milkman and

and and it's just like the low quality and music and it's like a totally different well i was like

six years ago if you think about it was six years to the to the day uh but i edited two episodes

and i'm grabbing pranks out of those so i'm gonna start releasing those to the podcast i want to say

my first call in madhouse was like thanksgiving of 05 yeah yeah i remember bass is remembering

we had to block i had to block british columbia yeah because he kept calling he wouldn't stop

calling and uh it was when i had the toll-free line that i had to pay for out of pocket

and like numbers from outside the united states were like a dollar a minute and he keep he thought

it was funny to keep calling he racked up like a 50 phone bill on me i was like you fucking bastard

back in the spoof tale days that was way before 2005 was before the spoof tale days man

oh gosh god that was back when it was it was just uh phone cards that milkman was buying in the in

in the Virgin Islands.

He was getting them,

uh,

he was buying your phone cards.

He sure was.

Yeah.

And,

uh,

bankrolling it back then.

Yeah.

And lonesome.

He,

he,

it was back when I first started loans,

there was like a website that was given out free phone,

like free,

um,

one hour phone cards.

If you signed up with an email address and he had like a whole pool of a

hundred of them.

Yeah.

He would send them to me,

you know,

every once in a while.

That was back.

That was a long time ago.

You remember,

I remember we used to do pranks and me and Katie K we had our,

our cordless phones and we would go in there.

We'd program the toll-free number that the phone card would dial,

and then we would program the PIN.

So all we had to do there was we'd hit Program 1 and then Program 2.

I did that.

Yeah, but I was listening to some of those shows,

and it takes so long for just one prank.

Oh, yeah, that's where the music comes from.

Yeah, I don't play as much.

It comes from all that dialing.

Yeah, because I would have to turn the phone audio down.

I would have to turn music on so it was not just silence.

And then I had to call this number, and it would have to pick up and say, put in your pin.

If you're hearing it live, you would go to the call, and then you would hear music for about 30 seconds or however long until you got on.

Yep.

Yeah, it took a while.

It would take at least sometimes 30 seconds or more to do a prank because, yeah, because it would take me that long to, like, you know, call the phone card line and pin and put in the number and send, and then it would ring.

And, oh, my God.

god now with skype it's like i literally just copy paste boom go yeah and and that's and that's it

now yes we grew up man up in the world and you remember not that's not bad about kdk but he used

to talk so much shit about skype it's like remember he used to call people skype tards

that did pranks on skype is that it sucks the pride the quality sucks why would you want to

use skype why would you want to use skype originally it did yeah better over time now

No, he's on Skype.

That's what he uses on the show.

That's what everyone uses.

Yeah, well, yeah, why not?

It's cheap.

It's easy.

Just for the fact that I can copy a number and paste it in Skype and hit dial and it goes.

Right.

Pow.

Hopefully we don't lose Skype.

I don't know.

There's another one out there.

You can ask where you're coming from.

Yeah, Nunu posted in the chat room.

Nunu sent me another one.

There's a new one that's free for the United States.

He says that Neo uses it a lot.

Evil Neo.

What is new?

What?

It's some new one that you can use that's free to call the U.S.

I forgot the name of it

Whistle

Whistle yes

Very good

Good IG

69

Is that a card or something

No it's

Like a program

Is it

Is it web based

Or is it a program

I have it on my iPod

Yeah okay

So they got apps too

That's cool

Well it's free for now

So it's

So it's like a Skype

But it's called Whistle

Yeah

Well you remember Skype

Remember they used to come out

Like Skype is free

For the rest of 2006

Remember they'd be like

Free for a year

Oh yeah

Yeah remember

Dead9 used to call

Little

little uh uh girls in china right uh back back back then when it before a guy blocked in there

oh my god oh yeah that's right i think i remember this still have to take that i remember the dead

calling in the show with girls from china on the line like say something and they're like

that's what he would he would call me and then he would go because i was still i was still a

to dial up at the time way back back in the back of the day and he would call these just call it

was like an open list right and you could just people would list you know just call me available

he would just randomly call these people from europe and everywhere in china and you want to

call some girls in china it's like yeah go for it yeah not anymore yeah that's changed new news and

they're saying now instead of waiting for it to dial we just have to listen to a load of bullshit

shit talking so um my uh my partner and uh my business partner uh is off in china right now

went off to hong kong and he actually messaged me talking to business in uh facebook and somewhere

in the middle of it yeah i'm in somewhere in mainland china and i'm using a patch some hacker

patch because he just adds to stuff and and so uh he was like a giddy bypassing all the uh

red china uh internet block blocks the great firewall that's what they call it yeah but the

firewall and and uh it was interesting what he was doing i'll tell you yeah your partner huh

yeah sorry you were right open for that one sorry i had to get you jay jay my buddies all right

all right all right well we got people asking for uk numbers and other stuff um i could try

to see if i can get the credits again i'll give it one last shot i keep saying one last shot but

But every time, it says your funds are not available yet.

So it might not be until next week.

But we got a lot of United States rumors.

What time is it, though?

Where? Here where I am?

It's 125 in the morning on the East Coast.

And Ted in the West Coast.

And Milkman, it's 1030-ish.

1025.

Well, it's a new day.

Maybe the credits will go through.

Actually, yeah.

Wait a minute.

Skype is based out of...

What is it?

It's based out of Europe.

So it might be a new day.

Is it really?

Yeah.

But I think it's a PayPal problem at this point.

It's PayPal that tells me.

PayPal's saying you must recharge your account first.

But I'll try.

I'll try.

Let me do a United States number here first

because Nunu's having a fucking fit.

Oh, Jesus.

What?

Oh, because he sent in numbers and we're not doing them.

We're not pranking at all.

Let's do them.

Quit yappy, yappy, yappy over here and do the calls.

What's wrong with you?

We got Steve.

His cell phone number is blah.

He's black, but he eats Mexican food.

complain that there won't be enough food for the Mexicans

if the blacks eat it all.

And if he wants to eat Mexican food,

he needs to find someone Hispanic

to eat his coat of fried chicken.

Very good idea, Nunez. I like that.

Wow, very racist of you.

Okay.

I'll take the first one of this guy,

and if it bites,

it's what we need on Madhouse.

It's more racism.

More racism to add to the pile.

I think tonight I'll try the thing where I dial

all the numbers at the same time

at the end of the show awesome yeah many racial tensions between mexicans and blacks black people

are really attracted to mexicans you have reached the voicemail box off record another one that

doesn't like leaving his name in his voicemail i don't blame him though i wouldn't want to either

i don't someone drop out is everyone here ig you're here still yeah uk ted sound off no uk ted

evil arty you're here yeah good arty ted webb yeah i'm not here okay good ted webb you're still here

good right no ted webb tucks here good good no ted webb's in the is he connected he might be

he's on here he might be washing dishes or something his wife makes him wash dishes

go ahead go ahead already let it out now you're going to hold on go ahead building up don't be

quiet it's not going to be for another minute or two oh god damn it i like to let them build up

Nice.

Jesus.

Beautiful.

If I do it during the call, just be like, I farted on the phone.

Stay off the breads.

Start exercising.

Seriously.

Man, stop eating the beans.

Yeah.

What'd he say?

In one ear, out the other.

No, I didn't hear it because of the ring.

He says stay off the breads.

Exercise.

Stay off the gluten.

Drink water.

Exercise.

All right.

Out there at work.

I bet.

I don't know.

Try it.

Try it more.

Steve Dufour.

Yes.

The number I put in the chat, can we call that?

Did you put it in the chat?

Ooh, not supposed to put it in the chat.

No, Skype chat.

Oh, okay.

How do I do that?

Oh, crap.

You're making me...

Ooh, who did I hang up?

Did I hang up on somebody?

No.

I heard you hung up on me.

No.

Okay, sorry.

Good thing God.

I don't know.

How do I check the IM?

You sent me a message.

What do I click on here?

Do I click on the little man picture?

No.

Here, I have it.

Let me paste it for you.

Cool, cool.

Let me paste it.

Wow.

No. Stephen's talking shit about

Rappy McRapperson. Whitey McWhitey-son.

That's not going to go over well with

the Phone Losers, I'm just saying.

They're big fans of...

He sort of fucked them over right here.

Dark Stranger doesn't like him. He says he's a money boy.

He's a cake boy. Why don't you just call him that?

Why don't you just call him a wigger?

Well, they had this wedding

thing set up for him. He didn't show up to it.

They did?

Basically, we'll have one now.

Wow. Mikey129.

Hello, Carlito.

So I was just thinking, you know, Thanksgiving show's coming up.

Got to call France.

I'm more concerned with Turkey.

But, yes, also Thanksgiving show is coming up soon,

and we'll be on the air, barring anything weird.

I PMed in a chat that number.

Wow.

Okay, got it.

And IG69, what is this number?

Who are we calling?

It's the off-air line for a radio station.

Okay.

Off-air line.

I'm sorry the offer line

Off air

Off air line

You know that producer

That's in the back

Not the island

Who just dropped was it Mikey

Mikey what did you drop

Call failed

I'll keep working on it

Sometimes it just acts up

What happened to Mikey129

He called and he reminded us we need to call France

And I agree yes we will be calling France

the same hotel

which I forgot

Bruno

at the

Napoleon is it

Napoleon

I don't know

I'm on Soprano

yeah you've called him

a few times

on your own time

right

yeah

are you calling him

tonight or on the

Black Friday show

so you've changed

all our good numbers

is what you're telling me

you've taken

all our good numbers

and you've changed

them with your farts

with your farts

you know who else

we got a call

on Black Friday

who

What's his name?

Charlie.

Shagnasties.

Oh, that's right.

He's another one.

Yeah, that's another one that we call a lot.

Shagnasties, the one that Richie Randall called two years ago.

That was like probably more than two years ago, wasn't it?

I think it was three, actually.

I think you're right.

Yeah.

But that was the Thanksgiving show also.

I think you're right.

I think that was 2008.

I don't know what's going on with that number.

It's not working.

I'll have to try it later, IG.

All right.

It's called Junkbuster up again.

All right.

Let me clear out some things off the deck here.

Call the rest of the new news numbers.

Kuras sent information for some kind of SIP client.

Callwithus.com.

He sent a password and a username.

I don't know.

I think that's to call the United Kingdom, maybe?

I'll hang on to that.

Maybe for next time.

I didn't have enough time to set it up.

Elliot Jacquet, a.k.a. DJ Young Elliot.

Cell phone is blah.

Sing happy birthday to him.

He hit to him badly.

Birthday is on Friday.

He is black.

Do black people celebrate birthdays?

I don't think so.

Oh, so his birthday is today.

Oh, yeah.

There you go.

wake him up

say happy birthday

is Ted back yet

what happened to

Big Ted

I'm worried now

Ted get arrested

it was an earthquake

over there in California

I don't know

I forgot to call

Milkman

oh shit

oh god damn it

he's gonna be mad

oh jesus

he's gonna have to wait

he's gonna get mad

two minutes late

he's gonna answer

the phone now

too late

he's gonna get mad

Elliot

yeah

what's up

happy Kwanzaa

hold on real quick

I'm gonna call you back

when mama tips me

yeah whatever

Another one.

Why do people do that now?

What is that?

You just,

you're with your voicemail.

I'm going to make you think

I answered the phone.

What the?

That's like three times now

tonight that's happened.

Thought it was one of your bros.

No,

that was Elliot.

DJ Elliot has a birthday.

Yeah,

so Nunu,

none of those answered as usual.

Your numbers did not answer.

I'm kidding.

Nunu sends good numbers in a lot.

Let's call Milkman

before the fucking drama

hits the fan again.

Now,

Jesus.

Oh,

boy.

If I can find his damn number now.

Please enjoy the following music

Milkman.

Hey, I told you I'd call you back.

What?

What number is this?

Yeah, it's the wrong number, Milkman.

That's right.

Thank you for making a nasty comment.

Thank you.

Anyway.

Hey, seriously, what happened to Ted?

Ted, are you there?

I'm going to have to drop him, I think.

I don't know if he's there or not.

Should I try to call him back?

Should I drop him?

What?

What did I try to do?

Ted?

No, he's...

Okay.

He's in the bathroom.

I'm going to have to drop off pretty soon.

I'm feeling like shit.

Oh, man.

You're feeling sick.

All right, well, when you do, let us know.

In a nice way, please.

the Doubletree first.

Okay, we'll call the Doubletree.

Hang on.

Let's see.

Did you get the number yet?

Yes, I did.

Got it from Lonesome Loser, your buddy.

Sweet.

Are you going to do it, or do you want me to do it?

I want you to do it.

Okay, all right.

You haven't done any pranks today, Artie.

You have not been holding up.

I did one.

Did you?

Okay, never mind, then.

Still, you haven't been pulling your weight.

I'm sick.

Thank you for calling the DoubleTree by Hilton, Orlando, downtown.

If you are calling to make, change, or cancel a reservation,

please touch 1 to be connected to our reservations office.

For all other calls, please touch 2 or remain on the line.

Touch 2.

You go to the reservations office.

Thank you for calling DoubleTree by Hilton.

How may I help you?

Yes, this is the front desk.

Yes.

I was down there last week, and you had those Occupy Orlando people there.

Uh-huh.

and one of them was in the lobby, and he was urinating.

I was not aware of that.

He was urinating and started the trash can.

Wow.

We're going to have to let our security officer know about that.

I didn't realize that.

Will you put him on, please?

Pardon me?

Transfer me to security at once, or I'll have your job.

Security's not here right now.

Oh, very nice.

So you don't have security, so maybe that's what happened.

So people just go there late at night and defecate and urinate wherever they want?

No, that's not the case at all.

So if I want to go there right now and pull my pants down in front of people in the lobby

and use the bathroom in front of people, that's okay because security's not there?

No, that's not okay.

So I just want to make sure I got you on record that it's normal for people to go use the bathroom there?

No, of course not. I wouldn't say anything like that.

It's just an unfortunate incident.

A security officer can't be in every—we only have one security officer.

He can't be everywhere all at once.

Well, he's not even there at night because this happened at nighttime.

He's all over the place.

He's patrolling the floors, sometimes outside in the garage.

Did you meet people to sanitize the trash can after this happened?

I didn't realize that it had happened.

Were you there last Thursday?

No, I wasn't.

Who was there?

Was there someone there who was there?

It was the other guy that works the audit.

There's just one person out here at night along with his security officer.

So was the security guard there last week, do you know?

And I didn't realize that that had happened even.

Are those occupied people still there?

Yes, they are.

Will you put one of them on the phone, please?

I want to talk to the leader.

No, there's not anybody in the lobby right now.

We don't really have a leader.

You let them go in and out and use the bathroom and everything there?

Well, we try to keep them out of here.

They hired a lawyer and said that we couldn't keep them out of here.

They hired a lawyer to say you can't keep them out of there?

Right, because it's a public building, and we let other people in here.

We can't keep them out.

Seriously?

Yes.

So they can use the toilet there and everything?

Uh-huh, unfortunately.

Wow, do they take showers and stuff there?

No, not unless they run a room.

Well, you could take a shower in the bathroom.

Some of them have rented rooms.

Okay. What else is going on? What other complaints have you gotten about them?

None.

That's it? So they're nice people?

Yes, they're nice people.

There's one bad apple there, I guess, right?

Right. I think that's within a group.

His name is Artie. He lives in Volusia County.

Pardon me?

His name is Artie, and he lives in Volusia County.

Oh, okay.

I know his information.

Okay.

And I want to provide this information to you.

He urinated inside your trash can, and he has hepatitis.

If you're interested, I'll give you all his information, and you can go to his house and complain.

I think it's best that you talk to a manager

No I want to

But what I want to do is

I want to give you all of Artie's information

So you can send the police to his house

Because he urinated inside the trash can

I don't have the authority to do any of that

Well what about some vigilante justice

What about me and you we go over there

No

Now you're being ridiculous

Have you ever run a train on a man

No

Artie I knocked you out man

I'm not going to give you information

Hi guys

It's been a pleasure gentlemen

But I've got to go back to work

So I'll see you guys next week

Goodbye gentlemen

Alright well there you go

That was UK Ted thanks for being on

USA Ted you around?

Still on USA Ted

Do you want to call the Occupy dude now?

I guess yeah I don't know if you want

You sent me his number right?

We'll call the Occupy guy

Are you going to interview him?

I'm going to ask him what he did

You have to talk to him

It's been a pleasure, gentlemen

But I've got to go back to work

So I'll see you guys next week

Goodbye, gentlemen

It's funny that word gets like earlier

Why am I hearing it repeating?

I don't know

Someone was repeating themselves

Someone was on repeat

Someone had the right

I think we reconnected UK Ted or something

And he was doing that

Anyway

Artie, give me a second

Let me do some more pranks

And then we'll call your friend again

Don't worry about it

I'm just going to go to sleep

All right, bye.

Bye.

The drop of life flies.

Milkman's got to go.

Milkman's on mute.

IG-69 is too nervous to do anything.

ADD is running rampant.

I'm telling you.

I don't even know how many listeners we got tonight.

What happened to Ted, man?

This sucks.

His wife yelled at him.

Why are you doing them pranks again?

Promised to retire.

Won't do anymore.

She caught him tonight.

No, his wife's cool with it.

now they're doing some makeup time oh yes we got he's still online you know how that is

they just put the they're playing this song in the background yes exactly i just had a weird idea of

ted and his wife playing this song a glass of red wine yeah hello real fireplace hello baby

Fair for our summer in the area.

Kind of creepy, eh?

We hit our number.

We've got 102 listeners total.

Blue Planet with 61 and Cacti with 41.

Oh, yeah, we're in Blue Planet.

All right.

We finally broke our 100 record.

That's good.

Well, thanks, everyone, for listening.

You're all superstars.

That's what Tuck would say.

That's right, you are a super star.

I don't have to say it.

You just have to say it.

Prince Henry says he sent a request.

Now, Prince Henry was in there being a very mean person.

Why?

Prince Henry was being kind of difficult with people.

And he keeps saying he sent a request.

Now, Prince Henry, you're going to be very disappointed if this is something stupid that you did,

like the number to the FBI in Miami.

Yeah, you're a dead duck.

Man.

Well, it's in Canada.

The problem is I can't call Canada right now because the fucking Skype won't fucking let me try again.

Again, let me play a prank, and let me try one last time to get international credits here for tonight.

If not, it's going to have to wait until next week, sir.

I will give it a shot.

I'm going to go to my vault of pranks.

This is a prank call called Iranian Holes.

I love that.

Good. Thank you.

Yes, ma'am. How are you doing today?

Well, thank you. How are you?

Good. Listen, I have a complaint to make.

Okay.

I was in there, and there was a sign that said,

Down with USA, down with Israel.

Okay.

And what is this?

You were here and you were, sorry, could you repeat that again?

I saw a sign.

In our hotel?

Yes, and it says, down with USA.

I don't, can't, I haven't seen that sign and I don't think that is the right thing to see anyway in the hotel.

No, in the hotel it says, down with Israel, down with USA.

Where did you see that sign?

In the hotel lobby.

Was it in the room?

In the hotel lobby, and then when I was checking in, the man, he said, hey, he told me, come here, come here.

And I said, what?

And he said, come close.

He said, come close, right, like that.

And he came to my ear, and he whispered, and he said, down with USA.

That is not acceptable.

As I said...

Hold on, I want to speak with Aziz.

With the manager, you can't speak right now.

You need to call back in two or three hours' time, because it's six o'clock in the morning.

Where are you from?

I'm Iranian.

Yeah, you sound a little bit like you've got a problem, though.

Are you a little slow?

No, I'm not.

You sound like it a little bit.

No, no, no, no.

No?

You're mistaken.

No, I'm not slow.

No, you sound like you have an epilepsy.

No, no, you've got it 100% wrong.

Listen, you have a complaint, and you need to call back and speak to the manager.

And if you think I've got an epilepsy, that means you're stupid.

Are you insulting me?

No, I'm not.

Because...

No, wait, wait, wait.

You call me stupid.

you insulting me right when you're telling me after epilepsy and I'm slow

that means you're trying to insult me and that is not acceptable here where if

you think okay I get out at six o'clock in the morning I'll call Iran and I'll

tell them okay very slow they don't understand what they're talking about

and we're gonna stand against that and you can't do anything about it and that

is the way we think and that is the way we act you know your mother is the white

And why you people are scared of us.

Your mother has sex with monkeys from behind.

And fuck your sister in every single hole she has.

Good point, Mr. Iranian.

That was Iranian holes from back in 2000.

He does, too, huh?

He did tell me.

They don't take that.

That's the way they are, basically.

And I wanted to point out, we're going to have to play another prank call.

I'm going to try it on the actual Skype website.

I was trying to do it through the Skype program.

Maybe that's what the problem is.

I was going to go through the Skype website now, so I'm logging in there.

instead of going through the Skype application.

So I'll play another beginning of another prank called One in Japan.

I did want to mention next week we're going to do international pranks.

I'm going to pull down the poll.

I'll put a new one up.

I have no idea what the new poll will be, but that's at madhouselive.com slash poll.

If you want to go ahead and submit your entry to the poll, you can do so now.

I'll accept some last-minute entries if you want.

That's cool.

Go for it.

You have a choice between China, Russia, Iran, Venezuela, and Syria

of who you would like us to prank call during next week's international show.

You could, China.

China, we've pranked them before.

Again, this is all hopefully that we actually are able to get numbers there,

that Lonesome is able to find numbers there.

Iran, we can do.

We've called Iran in the past, and they're fun.

I think the last time I checked, the winner was Russia,

who we've had fun with in the past

including a prank

that's a favorite of Evil Arties who's no longer

on the air anymore right now but

a prank called My Little Chicken

that's a funny prank also

I don't know where that came from either

it's something about me telling a guy I wanted

him to be my little chicken

so I'm trying to complete

a purchase here at PayPal

now on the site this is the last chance

in the meantime listen

to this call to Japan I'll be right back

and we'll finish out the store.

Sushi pizza.

Sushi.

Yes, hello.

Moshi Moshi.

I want to make an order.

Please.

Please wait a moment.

Uh-huh.

That sounds good.

This is retarded.

They don't know English at Pizza Hut there.

Moshi Moshi.

Yeah, you speak English, you horse's ass.

Moshi Moshi.

You speak English, you horse's ass.

Uh, I need to speak.

Speaking.

Okay.

You're speaking okay?

Uh, little.

Okay, I want to make an order.

Little.

Uh, telephone number, please.

4-0-5.

0-5?

Uh-huh.

0-5?

Yeah, 4-0-5.

3-0-5?

Yeah.

Yes.

Hi.

3-0-5?

Ichi-Ni-San.

Yeah.

What's your name, please?

Valente.

Yes.

More slowly, please.

Huh?

Va?

Well, this is beautiful.

I'm going to have to get...

All right.

So it's telling me that I need to confirm my credit or debit card number that I've used

in the past.

It's asking for my Visa number, which is the card that I mentioned before that expired

fired and I don't have any more, so I already threw it away. I shredded it. Or my MasterCard,

which for the life of me, I'm not even sure where that card is right now. I think it's

in the other room. Fuck. Well, let me get up. I think I know where it is. Let me head

over to the bedroom. I think it's over there in my pile of papers. Give me a moment. It's

on my wallet. I don't carry my credit cards on me. Shit. I'm right back.

Jai? No. Va-Jai-Na.

Va-Jai-Na?

Yes.

Jai-Na?

That's me.

Oh, yeah. I'll do this, please.

Yes, I would like a pizza with fish sauce.

Address? What address?

Huh?

Everybody address?

I'm at the hotel.

Yeah, tagger, yeah.

No, I'm going to pick it up.

One more slowly, please.

I come in.

Slowly, please.

No, delivery. No. Pick up.

Pick up?

Me go there.

Take out?

Yes, take out. That's the one, monkey.

Okay, take out.

Yeah, stupid.

Order, please.

Okay, I want one pizza with fish sauce.

One piece?

One pizza.

One pizza, yeah?

Yeah, I want two spaces on it.

Crispy.

Yes.

Crispy?

Uh-huh, yeah, that's right.

Hi.

Crispy, what size?

Medium.

Yeah.

Pizza menu?

Uh-huh.

Pizza menu name, please.

Yeah, I want number 69.

No, no, no, no, telephone number, no.

Pizza menu, pizza menu.

Pizza menu?

Pizza name.

Yeah.

Menu name?

Menu name.

Yeah, fish sauce.

Slowly, slowly.

What do you have?

Tell me.

Oni-ha?

No, what do you have?

Do you have, yeah.

Yeah, uh, Deluxe.

Xerox.

Pizza menu.

Yeah, pizza menu.

Uh, what pizza name you name, please?

Varumato-san.

Yeah.

Varumato-san.

Vala Maho Chocha.

Yeah.

Utah.

Yeah.

Alaska.

Slowly, please.

Okay.

I don't understand.

You, you are.

Vala Maho Chocha.

I don't have Vala Maho Chocha.

No.

I don't have wala maho chocha.

No, wala maho chocha.

Wala maho chocha.

I don't have.

What do you have?

I have barbecue chicken, chicken mushroom, cheese and cheese, tuna mayo, egg custard.

How about egg custard?

You have egg custard pizza?

Basic pizza?

Egg custard.

Egg custard cheese?

Yeah.

Basic pizza, egg custard cheese?

Yes.

No topping, egg custard only?

Egg custard.

Cheese and sauce only?

And salt.

Pizza and sauce cheese only?

Only? No topping?

Yes, with salt. Salt.

Italian crispy, medium-sized, basic pizza, extra topping.

Right.

Sorry.

Take out. Pick up, okay?

Yes, now I'm going to pick it up, yes.

All right, listen.

Chocha, negra, wallo, maho, chocha.

I don't understand chocha, maho.

I'm trying.

Crispy, medium-sized, basic pizza, extra cheese.

With salt.

With?

Salt.

Salt?

Yes.

What salt?

You know, salt.

Soup? Salt?

No, salt. Salt. Salt.

Salt.

Mmm, salt.

You know salt.

I don't understand salt.

Listen.

I don't know.

Listen, damn it.

Sodium chloride.

Coke.

Sodium chloride.

I don't understand this.

Okay.

You have Pepsi or Coke?

Coke.

Coke?

No, Pepsi.

Coca-Cola?

Pepsi.

Only Coca.

No, Pepsi.

Only Coca.

Pepsi.

No, Pepsi.

I don't have, I don't have, no, I don't have, I have Coca-Cola.

Two Pepsi.

No Pepsi.

Yes.

She's got Coca-Cola.

Coca-Cola?

No Pepsi.

Yeah?

Pepsi.

No Pepsi.

I don't have Coca-Cola.

You got RC Cola?

Okay.

What about, you have Lulolali?

Lulonti?

No, Lulolali.

Lulolali.

No, Lu-lo-la-li-lo.

Lulolali-lo.

You can't do it anymore.

more talk to a baby small the whole time hello woman yes yes hi uh could you please transfer me

to a man there's not a woman what do they um what do you do there huh and then where's the

casino well i don't have problems with the casino the pit boss i'd like to talk to i'm making a

complaint about the hotel operator okay what the hotel operator with a mouth-watering menu at river

Listen, I asked to speak specifically to a man at the beginning of my conversations to your organization.

No, I want to speak to, I only give that information to a man.

Well, who's the highest ranking gentleman there?

How long have you been working for the company?

I don't want to work with this, you know, woman like that.

Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, if you don't know what's going on, like, you don't know how to handle situations and stuff.

You ought to go talk to a man.

Just as capable of handling any situation that any man is capable of.

That's nice, honey.

That's nice.

Okay, honey, that's nice.

This is Dolores at your service.

Hey, Big Dolores.

Yes, how are you?

What do you say there, tits?

Hey, can you get me through to Kelly?

Is her name Kelly, the polite white manager girl?

Hold on.

Hey, listen.

Yes?

Listen, remember when I told you that I didn't want to talk to a woman, not that I wanted to talk to a man?

But how come I ended up talking to a woman again?

Who's the manager?

Tell me.

I like you, Dolores.

We're okay, all right?

I'm sorry.

I don't want to give you trouble.

Is there a man that's a manager there?

At the front desk?

Anywhere.

Anywhere there right now.

I don't know.

Hold on a minute.

Well, can you give me a name of someone during the day?

Well, that's why I'm trying to.

I'm going to find out for you.

Hold on a second.

All right, honey.

Okay.

All right, sweetie.

We've reached the beverage office.

I called back and asked for PBX or the, what is it, the Beverage Manager on Duty?

All right, what's your deal there?

I'm sorry, sir.

Is Big Dolores there?

Dolores, may I ask this caller, please?

This is Valente.

She just transferred my call, but it got cut off.

She has someone specific that I need to talk to.

too. And I got through to the answer machine about if you're sick, and it said to call

back and to ask for the beverage manager. Okay, so you want a beverage manager? I need

to speak to a gentleman, like a man who's in charge. I have to make a complaint about

two employees now. Okay, one moment, please, sir. Hey, listen, will you transfer me to

before? I want names. Hold on one second, sir. Okay, just stay on the phone. I want

the information. Listen, this isn't fair. This isn't fair. Keep getting put around and

transferred around, speaking to women and all this stuff.

What's going on?

What's your deal?

This is core of a security.

I didn't ask for security.

Why am I talking to you?

This is Valente.

I called to get information about some, you know, money that got misplaced that I lost,

and I got transferred to a woman who shouldn't be very rudely,

and I wanted to call back and make a complaint against her.

And then Dolores, who I think is, you know, has got something going on with this old woman.

You know who Dolores is?

Bless her heart.

She sounds like a nice, sweet old lady, but the woman mis-transferred me,

and they got hung up on it.

Apparently, I'm supposed to speak to the beverage manager on duty.

Okay.

The first thing that I want to ask you is, we have a centralized...

I was speaking with Dolores, and she had all the information all figured out.

We talked for 10 minutes.

She figured it out and everything.

So are you telling me that I have to give you all this information again?

Because if I do, I'm going to have a right now on the phone.

I'm going to have a fit.

I'm going to get so sick.

Sick to my stomach.

I have to say.

What property are you trying to get a hold of?

I'm sure you have the right property.

The Aquarius.

For the fifth time tonight, you know, can I curse?

Is that okay, or should I not curse?

No, because I'm not going to talk with you, okay?

I haven't cursed.

Don't accuse me of cursing.

I'm just telling you before I do.

No, I'm not going to put up with it.

I'm trying to help you.

You can either cooperate with me or not.

At this point, I'm past caring whether you want to cooperate with me or not.

Woof, woof.

Good.

It was too good.

He's got a little spasm of twits there.

He was doing good.

Ridiculous,

sir, ridiculous.

Is there an address that I can write to to complain, a P.O. box somewhere where I can write a letter

and complain about this horrible service that I've gotten from Corey, from the Filipino kid, from Dolores,

from the snotty girl that answered the phone in the casino when I made the complaint about the money that got taken from me,

and there was this other white kid called Vincent or something like that.

It was a little feminine also.

It was a little jerk to me.

Well, why don't I do this to prevent you from further running around?

Listen, the first thing is you don't threaten me.

Don't you dare threaten me anymore.

You were never threatened, but I'll tell you this right now.

I'm not going to talk to you.

Continue, okay?

You can change how you want to deal with this by the way your attitude is with me.

You've never spoke with me until the previous phone call, okay?

And I've tried to be polite, and I've tried to assist you,

but I'm not going to if you're ranting and raving and carrying on

and making funny noises on the phone, okay?

Now, what I was going to suggest is why don't you talk to my supervisor?

and then maybe he can take whatever complaints you have

about the employees that you've dealt with previously.

You know, Corey, what you think are funny noises are not that to me.

It's a problem that I have.

Do you want to talk to the supervisor?

It's a problem that I have.

They're not funny noises, sir.

I've dealt with this since I was a teenager.

What's with the breathing?

Anyway, I did hear something we could talk about

while I try this one last, well, another fucking time.

Fans of the Jerky Boys will be happy to know that

Johnny Brennan, Johnny B from the

Jerky Boys. He has a

podcast now. It started on Monday.

The Jerky Boys Show with Johnny

Brennan. I highly recommend it. I heard

he's going to play

classic Jerky Boys pranks and then go

behind the scenes about them. He'll explain

where the idea

came from and what happened

and stuff of this nature. Looks pretty

cool. I really don't know

where you go to sign up for it. Just look for it.

Just Google it. Jerky Boys Show. I know

what's on Stitcher. I noticed that. That's where I

found it. Mikey129, good point.

Johnny and Kamal should bury that damn hatchet already,

man. It's insane. Fridgebowl

wanted to know if they gathered a bunch of random UK numbers

about an hour ago. Sure, man, you can

do that. I know it was like an hour ago.

The thing with the show now, there seem to be so many people

submitting requests, as opposed to

in the past when it used to be just Lonesome Loser and

102 Request a Pranks. Yeah, they can't get to them all.

Well, the actual

point is the whole

audience is supposed to be

involved. Yeah.

But we're relying on two people when we really should be relying on the whole thing.

Now that we got it, you're bitching about it.

I'm not bitching.

I'm sorry.

And I did sound kind of rude before, DJ Scott T.

I know you weren't fucking around.

You sent in legit numbers.

I know.

We're going to get to them.

It's getting late.

I know.

But we're going to get to them.

Okay.

The one says, do I want Trevor from PLA's credit card?

I don't think Trevor would appreciate that.

I don't even know who Trevor is.

Trevor, he's a little, he's okay.

He seems a little...

He's a little, what, touched?

He's a little touched.

He's cool people, though.

He does some crazy, like, crazy stuff in his pranks.

I think recently they poured...

I think he was one of the ones that convinced him and Mr. Espesa.

I think they convinced someone at an Applebee's to take all their meat out of the freezer

and put it in a dumpster and pour bleach on it.

That's bad.

That's bad, guys.

Shame, shame.

We know your name.

Well, it's fun.

It's fun to do.

sure but i think they asked me to do their album their album cover today yeah don't say don't say

anything you just say that yeah just don't go ahead just no one no one well i'll give paypal

a call tomorrow i guess we'll figure that out in the meantime we'll try the uh were they answering

at the oakland truck stop that i was trying to call when the sound was down no we'll call them

then all right golden bowl in california which i'm presuming they're closed unless for 24 hours

but we'll try it yes hi there's a song that i'm trying to find can you help me

tell me if you have it um yeah all right it goes like this how's it go ah i forgot now

oh it's escaping me you know that one song the guy that sounds like phil collins

no it goes um how does it go talk i forgot is it

No, no, no.

How's it go?

We know what that is.

Dun, dun, dun.

Here, for you.

Hello?

Oh, no.

Okay, they're gone.

I don't think in Hawaii they even know what that song would be.

No.

It's Howley music, they would say.

All right.

I can call Charlie.

Charlie, I can try.

I don't know if it will go through because I don't have credits.

Didn't the ERA sort of like get us almost arrested for Charlie Cole earlier?

No.

Did we?

Maybe that wasn't Charlie.

I thought it sounded like Charlie's wife.

It sounded like Charlie.

Doing inappropriate things.

The racist thing.

Yeah, that was good.

That was funny.

See if Charlie picks up.

Invalid phone.

Oh, come on.

It's not going to be covered by my subscription because I'm out of credits.

it's blocked you're blocking it hello teacher i may have you yes hi i'd like to make an order

please okay go ahead sir i like the pork fried rice pork fried rice okay steamed fried rice

steamed fried rice pork fried rice steamed fried rice steamed fried rice shrimp fried rice

oh shrimp fried rice pork fried rice yes okay kimchi fried rice hello hello come on lady don't

Don't do it to me yet.

Come on.

Ma'am.

How does she know already?

I was just asking for a rice.

Oh, she knows.

She knows the voice and she knows it's Thursday.

She knows the number.

She knows it's Thursday.

It's all right.

I could try.

You're going to try?

From your end, you're going to call it?

She knows the number.

She does know the number.

It's busy now.

She left it off the hook.

I don't know where to call her ID.

What do you mean?

They got some fancy caller ID there.

Yeah, they know.

I think.

You think?

think it i'm sure it comes up something that they're they know they're they know when it's

tm i think probably oh my god they changed google mail i just clicked on a link that said look check

out the new look and yeah i just did that too oh my god did you really yeah oh my god this looks

nasty i don't like it it's the new look it's too bright yeah it is well it's the same they started

with google docs had this look and i was like okay and then google voice got the new look i was

like okay and then now they give me gmail now i'm not having my fuck thrown up uh i don't want to

switch continue to the old look thank you we'll stay with that no god what's going on there geez

but anyway um yeah jerky boys you know i don't know if you've heard of them before but uh jerky

boys the jerky gay jerk of people the jerk the funny phone jerks yeah i am uh i'm trying i can't

called Dewdrop, Annie. She kept it busy, I think.

Let me try again.

You just, you know,

gotta go somewhere else.

We're gonna have to let it rest for a few months.

Remember the last time, she would always do that. She would never

let us through to Charlie and this and that,

and then let it rest, and then she'd put us through to Charlie.

You know, it's one of those.

It's like a fine wine.

And plus, your

friend over there is probably calling

every other day, so

they're intaining

all your numbers. That's not good.

You need to talk to him about that out there, about that shit.

Yeah, Artie's not helping out with the situation either.

That's not an invalid phone number.

Come on.

One more time.

Come on, you can do it.

Squeeze one more for me.

All right, if this doesn't go through, here we go.

Should I take it?

Let me turn it on now.

It shows a ton of...

Hello?

Yes, hi, I was ordering rice.

Yes, can I help you?

Yes, I was ordering pork fried rice.

Pork fried rice, yes.

Okay, and steamed fried rice.

Steamed fried rice, yes.

Okay.

Okay. Do you have kimchi fried rice right now?

Kimchi fried rice, no more.

You don't have that at all?

No more kimchi fried rice.

You don't carry it anymore? You don't make it anymore?

You go to the Korean kimchi restaurant and have kimchi fried rice.

You don't have Korean kimchi fried rice. Okay.

Do you have shrimp fried rice?

Yeah, shrimp fried rice, yes.

House fried rice?

House fried rice, yes.

Okay, soy fried rice.

Hello, please?

I don't care. I'm going to connect someone else while she listens.

Charlie.

I heard him.

You heard him?

Yeah.

How's our buddy?

You should have called the cell.

I don't have a cell.

I don't know his cell number by heart.

I have it.

You have it?

God.

Why do you have it?

Because he was on the air once, and I told everyone, here, call it if you want.

Oh.

Yeah.

Oh, boy.

Does he answer?

Have you called the cell on your own time?

Like, once.

Did he answer?

Yeah.

What did he say?

Did he curse you out?

No, I called the restaurant first.

I told him I'd call him back, and then I called the cell.

So in case me, it's like, how do you get my number?

That's awesome.

Yes, yeah, you got his number.

What are you, dumbass?

You forwarded your number to it.

Wow.

That wasn't on the podcast.

I edited it out of the podcast, right?

You just listen live?

Is that where you got it from?

Live.

Live is where it's at, kids.

Just so you know.

You got to be quick on the draw if you're live listening.

This is for everyone out there listening in the future.

Live is where it's at.

That's right.

If you're listening on the podcast, if you listen live,

You might be able to get Charlie's cell phone, maybe, if you're lucky.

Little prizes are in there.

We include that in there, the price of subscription.

I posted it in Skype chat.

Yes, hi.

I was wondering about your rice there.

You have horse fried rice?

House fried rice, I'm sorry.

It's Coco Ikebana?

It's the same thing, though, right?

Okay, so Japanese eyes go up and the Chinese go down, right?

What?

The Japanese people's eyes slant up and the Chinese people slant down, I think, right?

That is how it works.

Don't tell me that's not how it works.

That's what they taught me in elementary school.

I'm sorry.

That's how it goes.

And when you pinch the nipples at once, it goes into Japanese automatically.

What?

Right?

I didn't get the number in the chat.

You pinch the nipples at the same time, your eyes go automatically Japanese.

Are you posted in the chat room?

Where did you post it?

I'm confused.

Skype.

Why am I not able?

What do I do in Skype to look at the chat?

Show I am.

I don't know.

I found it.

It says show I am.

Okay.

There we go.

Oh, look at that.

Okay.

There we go.

I found it.

Hell yeah.

Save it.

Ballin'.

I'm going to save it.

Yeah, the contact here.

Copy selection.

In your address book.

Okay.

And then what do I do?

Call phones?

So you can look at it every day.

You call it.

That's a conference.

Here we go.

Charlie, don't mention the war, Jill says.

What war?

The war.

Charlie.

Yeah, this is Cross.

About the tomatoes.

Yes, I'm calling about the tomatoes that you wanted to order.

They're no good, you said?

Tomato?

Yeah, I ate the rice over there.

I delivered tomatoes to you, and then you gave me rice, and I ate the rice.

and then I took a shit in the toilet like an hour later.

You remember?

What did you talk about?

I ate your...

For what day?

I ate the pork fried rice two days ago.

You ordered pork fried rice?

House fried rice and then I took a shit in the toilet.

Don't ask something, okay?

What?

Don't ask something.

Don't ask something?

Huh?

What do you mean, don't ask something, you stupid?

What does that mean?

You have to go to school?

No.

No, I graduate.

I'm a doctor.

Huh?

I'm a doctor.

You know.

You're a doctor? You want to see the doctor?

I'm a doctor. I'm a medical doctor.

Yeah, what happened?

Well, I went to the bathroom after I ate your rice.

What do you call from?

I'm calling from Keowahe.

Keowahe? You know, the island, the big island?

The island?

Yep, the big island, Keowahe.

Yeah, let me help you.

I'm from Keowahe Hospital.

I'm the doctor there.

My name is Dr. Cross.

And I ate your rice, the rice there, okay?

You ate the rice?

And then it made me sick

And I had to go

Take a shit in the toilet

It was very bad

The rice came out

It didn't even digest

It was like rice

That came out

From my ass

Instead of shit

No fuck you

What do you mean fuck you

I don't understand

Wait a minute

What does

What does that mean

Tell me what that means

Tell me what

Chinga to lo male means

Please

Is that what it...

No?

Say it in English?

Your sister used to...

No.

I'm sorry.

Don't do that, please.

It hurts my ears.

Fuck you, you.

You're stupid.

Fuck you, you.

Go back to Shanghai.

Like, your sister used to cook food, right?

In Los Angeles?

Fuck you, son of a bitch.

You understand?

Your sister makes bad food in Los Angeles, too.

Fuck you.

Fuck you, you.

Fuck you.

You stupid.

Yeah, son of a bitch.

Chinga-le-duan.

You understand?

Yes.

Fuck you, you.

You son of a bitch.

No!

Ah!

Sir?

Hello?

Charlie?

Charlie, Charlie, are you there still?

Hello?

He's gone.

That was fun.

All right.

Well, good one, IG.

Thanks for sending that number.

Now I can save it.

I've heard it before in the past, and finally we got the extended prank call curse.

Charlie.

Nunu is saying his real name in the chat, or I don't know why he knows his real name.

Nunu is insanely compulsively into this guy, and he's got this whole dossier of magazine

Magazine articles that he's been in and interviews that he's given to magazines.

Culinary magazines, yeah.

That's why I mentioned his sister because he had an article that said,

my sister was in Shanghai and she had a restaurant in Los Angeles

and my brother did too and this and that.

That's why I said your sister, but he was just concerned with saying, fuck you.

Yeah.

Fridge Bulls says call him a joke.

Yeah, this is probably a better one.

One day, my plan is one day to calm him down, you know,

And have a good conversation with him and just get his side of things.

Interview with him.

And ask him, why do you get so mad at me, Charlie?

And he'll say, fuck you, son of a bitch.

And he'll hit a pot with a spoon like he does now.

That's another thing he's doing now.

Wow.

Oh, Charlie.

Well, thank you again, IG.

I appreciate you sharing that number.

Much appreciated.

Let me save that here before I forget.

His grandfather in Shanghai, his older brother in California, and his sister in California all had restaurants.

According to Nunu.

Do you have their numbers, too?

I don't think so.

He's working on them, though.

If I know Nunu, he's working on them diligently, so...

Soon enough, we will have their numbers.

I'll try calling them again.

Mike, you went to an answer, so I know how my...

It's like Seinfeld.

Yeah, probably.

Very bad.

Bad episode.

No.

Yeah.

It's exactly a bad episode.

No, we're all going to be in prison together, talking.

Oh, I see.

Why is this happening?

I don't get it.

some stupid trial

and all the people that we pissed off

over the years are going to come like the soup Nazi

Charlie will show up

and the guy we made put his cordless phone

in the tub he'll be there and all that

wow that was really bad

but to make up for it they did

they did

on Kirby Enthusiasm last season

they did have the fake reunion

show you know that was part of the plot

which was

was during union just be honest yeah it kind of pretty much was and for all intents and purposes

yeah yeah that was kind of funny i just the funniest part of that whole season that whole

reunion thing was kramer after you know the the actor forgot his name now but after all the racist

shit remember he was richard michael rich is when he's yelling the n-word in the the improv in

california the year before in la and he made the news and all that and then um he had the episode

where he thought he had some kind of disease.

He brought it up, yeah.

He brought it up, and it was really, really funny.

Very good episode, that was.

And that's my favorite character in Kirby Enthusiasm is Leron, or Leon.

Yeah, oh, yeah.

He's the man, yeah.

I haven't seen it this year.

Is he still in there?

Yeah, he disappeared after the third episode,

and I was telling Amin that they were like, oh, man, no Leon,

but he came back towards the end.

He came back again, and it was awesome.

Awesome. Yep. Leon is

what's his name?

JB Smooth? Something like that. It's got a funny

name in real life. I think that's it.

Something like that. Something Smooth.

JB. Yes.

I think so. None of us JB, but

something like that. Maybe it is. If you're confirming it,

IG, I'll take your word for it. IG's the kind of

kid I think you can trust.

Richie Stubbs says he's on Cacti Radio. Good.

Thanks for listening, man. A few seconds ago.

Yeah. Oh, there you go. That's you?

Yeah. Richie Stupitz.

Aha! When I first saw the name, I

I thought that was a funny thing to say.

You probably have heard that before.

I'm sorry.

That's all right.

Yes.

Okay, guys.

Pranks.

Let's continue.

Mikey went to me and said,

Debbie Madsfield comes in, Depot Diner.

Yeah, the cancer guy.

That's the guy I said about the phone.

Who else would have to come in?

The fuck you bitch motherfucker

would have to show up also, I think.

They'd have to find him.

Fuck you bitch motherfucker.

The donut guy.

Yeah.

Dunkin' Donuts.

To this day, every time me and Athena

go to Dunkin' Donuts,

I always say Dunkin' Donuts.

Like I used to say.

Hollywood Vanya

he messages me on Google Plus

and Facebook every once in a while

he called me a few months ago

he talked to me

he had heard that I got sick

he talked to me

but he's busy I guess

how are you by the way

I'm alright

I had that interview last Friday

I thought it went well

and apparently I was overqualified

why don't you hate that that fucking bullshit excuse you're overqualified that's what i found

out yesterday the the interview went well she really she was like going through my resume in

the interview she's like i don't even have to ask you this i don't even have to ask you this

you're you're you know answer this for me you know and she's i was like oh i got this in the bag

it was between me one other person and i saw the guy that went in before me he was interviewed

before me i saw him i was like that guy looks like a douche i got this job and um my recruiter

was telling me before like yeah you're probably gonna get this job because the other guy i'm

putting in there is you know he's a loser but they went with him instead i guess i don't know

she you know and what they they told me my recruiter said basically they thought you were

you're going to be bored and you're probably going to leave because you'd be bored i'm like

i don't fucking care i just want to fucking work right now dude i can't you know yeah they should

take the because of how everything is they should take the over call for out of the window because

Because everyone needs a job right now.

Exactly.

They should.

Yeah, people are just grateful to have a job, I think.

Isn't that something?

Yeah.

I haven't really been looking hard, you know, for a job really hard.

I can probably get a job after Election Day on the 7th.

I might be able to get that job.

So you're in the cutback you're going to be hiring here?

Yeah, I don't know.

For right now, oh, yeah.

Yeah, as far as health is concerned, I'm doing better.

Like, my surgery is all done.

My left eye, I had the surgery in the left eye, if you guys remember.

I had that checked out last week, and it's at 25, 20 vision now with glasses on.

So it's almost perfect.

It has a little bit more room to improve.

So I should be getting 20, 20 vision back, although with glasses.

Wow, really?

Yeah.

However, my right eye, the one that was doing okay, it now needs surgery too.

But it's not urgent, but it's just blurry.

I can't read with it.

I can see with it, but I can't read with it.

But our plan was, that was last week.

I talked to the eye doctor.

He said, it's not urgent.

He took some scans and pictures, and he said, well, it's not urgent.

If you're getting a job, let's hold off.

Let you work this job, put a few months in, and then ask for a week off

because i'm gonna need a week to recuperate after that so it's like we can wait you know but since

the job fell through i think i'm just we're planning on monday uh given if if i don't hear

back tomorrow in a different lead that i had i'm gonna call monday and say let's go ahead and

proceed with that other eye surgery and uh yeah so i'll be back uh with one eye again and an eye

patch for a week and all this shit like i was a while ago but hey then i'll be done right yeah i

I gained a bunch of weight.

I gained a bunch of weight because I've been sitting.

I couldn't move.

I can't even.

Yeah, it sucks.

It's kind of depressing what's happened with my weight gain.

But I'm going on the recumbent bike here, and I think I've lost a little bit.

I've got to get on the scale pretty soon.

But I'm thinking next week I'm going to go vegetarian for a week

and then go vegan for a week and then continue.

So no homemade sandwiches for you?

No homemade sandwiches for me, no, no, no.

No, I had, I'm going to have.

No, no, narrow it down.

Call the white guy who pretends to be black.

Yeah, who?

Narrow it down.

Call Ted?

Call Ted back?

Call Ted back.

Ted Webb.

Bubba Johnson.

That's who he wants.

All right, we're blah, blah, blah, yakety-schmackety here.

Let's do some pranks.

Hey, we got an Indian cuisine here from Lonesome.

Yay.

We can do that.

Lonesome's mentioning maybe next week we can use one of his Skype accounts.

accounts that he gets uk access with that'd be cool thanks man i'm hoping by next week i can

fix it up by next week i'll make sure look if if the skype thing doesn't work out for some reason

don't worry about it because i can still use it for the web hosting it still helps out don't worry

because that came down like almost it was like 24 hours away from being shut down the actual

website and podcast and everything it was a last minute grant from my in-laws that allowed me to

keep that going so yeah not enough what did it say not enough what not enough skype credit yeah

i can't call hawaii anymore it just finally got shut off not enough skype yeah oh hawaii isn't

not yeah i was to save a dollar i decided to get the plan that didn't include hawaii or alaska

which in hindsight well it was a bad idea yeah that's the idea especially

personally, who your fucking better calls are these days.

All right, Nunu sent me a number, he says, up and down.

He swears to send me a good number.

I sent four numbers previously,

but I don't think you called the bird with the hairy legs.

I tried to, I thought.

Yeah, I did.

I did call that.

Taisha Romano plays rugby and doesn't shave her legs.

I'll try it again, but it didn't answer.

But I'll try it again.

Okay. Yes, folks, this is Madhouse Radio.

At this point, I recommend do not send any more

more confirmed numbers uh because we've got a whole ton of them lonesome yeah it's 2 48 in the

morning wow yeah it's time to oh yeah that's why i didn't call it uh nunu the hairy legs lady i

can't call because her number is canadian it comes up as canada when i look at it so it ain't gonna

work it's telling me already it's canadian you need to add credits before i even try to add it

to the conference is already warning me so no canada was free for skype maybe just because

guess because and yeah the other one elia jacquet that's another canadian one uh we got a girl that

works at hooters victoria cool let's uh let's stalk her oh boy let's be all creepy stalker

i'm like we're not already and apparently she lives in canada also

oh man yay all right now i got a number the person went to a high school in louisville kentucky

Eugene, the guy that I called a few weeks ago,

pretends he's white, pretends he's black, but he's white.

All right, we'll call him.

That's who he was talking about.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, this is an American number, so we can call it.

Good.

Can't call Canada either.

I know you don't understand the difference,

but they are a different country.

Hello?

It's just us.

I'm just hung up.

Not enough Skype credit.

Why can't I call a guy that lives in a...

What the hell's going on now?

Skype, because, see, Skype is...

Kevin is free for me with Skype.

What are you doing?

What are you using?

I don't know.

I've got Skype.

I mean, I've got Skype.

I know I've got Skype, but I've got to plan it.

So let me call just the continental U.S.

It was the cheapest one that they had.

That's the one I got because it wasn't my money I was using.

So I was like, well, let me not get the most expensive one.

In hindsight, I could have just asked for two extra bucks.

Are you using Skype or are you using Google Phone with it?

I'm using Skype.

I guess I could use Google Voice.

Let me see.

No, that's Skype.

Yeah, but it's telling me not enough credits to call there,

but that's an American number.

Because Google Voice is free for the U.S. and Canada.

Is it Canada also?

Yeah.

I didn't know that.

So I'd do it.

I thought it was just U.S.

No, it's U.S. and Canada.

I thought you couldn't get Google Voice number with a Canadian.

Yeah, you can.

Oh, you can now.

Yeah, well, you could originally.

I haven't done it in a while, but that's how I used to do it.

This is Big Gene.

Hey, Gene.

Eugene?

This is Cross.

You playing PlayStation?

What's your business for?

What the fuck I'm doing?

I want to play PlayStation with you.

I don't give a fuck what you want, man.

Don't call me.

Call me my phone, man.

I just want to play.

You got what?

I got five years and you're being fucking disrespectful calling me late at fucking night, you dumb piece of shit.

I just want to play Zombies.

I don't give a fuck what you want to play.

Go play with yourself.

Did you play?

Did you take them trick-or-treating?

Man, why the fuck you calling my phone?

Because I like you.

You're a nice person.

Man, no, you don't, because when I find you, dude, I'm going to shoot you in your fucking face.

I'm telling you that right now, and I'm being very fucking honest.

I don't have a face.

Well, you won't after I see you, man, because when I see you, I'm going to blow it off.

That's not nice to say.

Listen, can you please...

Don't give a fuck, dude.

You're calling my goddamn phone.

Can you make me a sandwich?

Don't listen to me, I don't give a fuck about you.

Make me a sandwich.

Man, go to fucking hell.

Don't call us no more.

Sandwich!

We don't fucking have him.

Don't call him no more.

Oh, hey, Carlito, can you call me number one?

Man, are you fucking serious, man?

Are you that dumb fucking found it?

You know I could have this number traced seriously and have your ass arrested?

Hey, boy.

I have my...

You ain't no fucking man.

You gonna fucking listen to me, you dumb piece of shit?

No, I'm not listening.

Call me that number again, I will have you hunted down, and I'm gonna blow your fucking face off.

And I will fucking find you, and I will fucking kill you.

you do you understand will you sodomize me he turned white all the side you heard him he's the

guy that talks black also are we will fucking kill you he got redneck the redneck he got actual

redneck yeah he got redneck what's up uh dj loke what'd you say dj that 69 ig 69 did you say

something oh i think it was no no okay i thought you were gonna say carlito something okay i was

gonna say he's new curtis the super hacker yeah it's down you boy i i called an accident i'm

I'm sorry.

No, you didn't fucking call me.

Yeah, I did.

It was an accident.

I mean, you got anything better else to do than just sit here and fucking call my number, dude?

Being stuff while I got fucking kids, you dumb piece of shit.

Can we just talk over breakfast or coffee or something?

Why the fuck you calling my phone for?

Huh?

Because.

What is your business?

I remember the holiday that you fucked my girl and you never did, you piece of shit.

I did too.

No, the fuck you didn't.

Do you know where her clit is?

Oh, my God, dude.

Dude, I'm going to kill you.

I'm going to blast you in the face with a 20-gauge shotgun.

Be fair and warn on that, man.

Watch your back.

Do you know where her G-spot is because I found it?

I'm going to tell you.

Do you know what the G-spot is on your girl?

That's what it is.

You take two fingers and you point them, you put them up her,

and you act like you know you're doing come here with your fingers, the two of them,

and you go up until about the third knuckle, and then you'll find it right there.

I'm going to kill you, man.

Well, I'm just telling you I wanted you to know how to get your girl off.

I'm telling you.

She told me.

Uh-huh.

Your girl?

You're going to die, boy.

I ain't no boy.

I'm a man.

All right, that's cool.

We've had our fun with him for the night.

Happy Halloween.

Yeah, there you go.

Happy belated Halloween.

Bye, Nunu.

Nunu, you got your prank.

Are you hoping that?

Aren't you at East Coast and you get snow in Halloween now today?

We did get snow.

We got snow today.

I didn't even know it was snow today.

I remember when it hit, they said Halloween was canceled until Friday.

Wow.

We got snow.

They did it Friday here because it snowed on Saturday.

Or was it Sunday?

Saturday it snowed, yeah.

Yeah, it's not that bad here.

Where are you?

Are you in New York?

I'm in Brooklyn.

Brooklyn.

Okay, that's cool.

All right, that's good.

I'm in Pennsylvania.

We got, I think, six inches.

And I'm not used to it.

You know, I just moved up here in January, and I see it.

i'm like oh it looks pretty and this and that and then you gotta shovel it yeah uh yeah but uh

yeah i don't know uh we didn't we just didn't go anywhere saturday you know it looks fun it

looks pretty and stuff and then it's like when the fuck is this shit gonna stop you know yeah

so get old after a while it wasn't that big of a deal to me i don't know i'm not too intimidated

by snow it's not that big does it get bad like is there are you know blizzards and stuff like

last year the city got shut down for like a few days we got like they were predicting like two

winches but it turned out to be like three feet and they didn't do anything to prepare for it

yeah and then the union or whatever wasn't at the union the plow union then they refused to

plow this the roads and shit over there well they never proved that man jesus they never proved it

but yeah i heard about that they did some dirty shit yeah wow anyway i hope you guys are having

a good time with the show sean or carl saying god bless stupid people that don't know they're

are being pranked. What a great show

tonight. I hope the show is good.

This has been a long

show. It's been a long, arduous show.

That's right. Did you start late?

Not really. No, I started on time.

I've just been... Wow, so you've just

been pumping it out. Pumping it

out. That's what she said, yeah.

Yeah.

Alright, let's look at some more. Let's see.

The Rapid Fire Request to Pranks here.

The places that are probably closed by now.

These are all from DJ Scott.

I feel bad because DJ Scott

Scott spent quite a bit of time confirming numbers,

and I'm just finally getting to them now.

I don't even know if he's still in the chat room anymore.

Is he still in the chat room?

Probably not.

Oh, man, he's not.

DJ Scott, I apologize.

You'll hear these on the podcast.

Excuse me.

Castle Megastore.

A porn store.

Eh.

Somebody's pranked there before.

I've heard that.

Have you?

Castle Megastore?

Yeah.

It's just, you know, porn stores,

they're always getting pranks, you know?

They're like, you know?

It's always the same one, too.

Nina's Yummy Touch Body Rub.

Oh.

Are you, IG, are you of age?

I mean, you sound like you're 16 or something.

Are you high school?

Yeah, I'm around.

I'm like 15.

Oh, okay.

Oh, dear.

Here we go.

Dirty Aaron says, F that, do mine.

I'm trying to think.

This song here, it sounds like it'd be on some kind of show from the 70s.

You know?

What kind of, like a cartoon from the 70s?

What are you playing?

I don't know.

It's just random shit.

it's just some bed music

I'm trying to remember

it's just like

there's always a show

is it 3 o'clock?

a lot of that canned music was

created for

use for anything

so a lot of that

stuff was produced

with that intention

that it's going to be canned music

for somebody

somewhere

and they end up in anything

thing especially back then i've got bad news here it is three o'clock on the dot and i didn't

realize but that's when my network backups start here at home on my network i have my server and

all that and my server just started it's uh yeah my software update just came on too yeah well i've

got to set up every uh at three o'clock you know the laptops all three all two laptops in the house

they back up to the server and then after that the server backs up to the external hard drive

and then it backs up to the other server in my parents' house in Orlando

across the wire.

So there's an off-site backup.

Yeah, I got it all hooked up.

It's really cool because I got nothing to do.

That's all I've been doing all this time.

I do IT stuff and it's like, well, I might as well learn and keep in practice.

So I set up a VPN between my house and my parents' house

and I got an old machine.

Before I moved up here, I set up an old machine like a server at their house.

So you've got a machine running somewhere in their house down there.

Yeah, well, they've got a computer.

Yeah, I just told them just don't ever turn it off.

It's like, okay, no problem.

And all they do is they check email and play Solitaire on it.

But, yeah, so it transfers files, you know.

So, like, if something were to happen here to the, like, a fire or something,

then all my important files are all backed up, you know, in Orlando, Florida.

And worst comes to worst, I could go there and pick them up off of there

if I needed to, or get my dad to take the

hard drive out of that machine and send it up here, etc.

So, that's how you do it. Madhouse West

and Madhouse East, basically.

Yeah, that's kind of what it is called,

actually. I have it, well, it's North and South,

actually. I'm not on the West Coast.

I'm on the North Coast. Blah, blah, blah!

DJ Scott,

here's the thing. You're standing in, like,

gentlemen's clubs, and it's just loud.

I feel bad

not doing it, because the guy, he put a lot

of effort to confirm these.

Moonshine and I, we'll call that. That's in

in vegas i usually shy away from the gentlemen's clubs because it's just loud and they're just

it's usually bars in particular yeah kind of nightclub bar i think the adult places the

massage places porno and uh bars and uh strip clubs they're used to it the pranks they just

it's usually a bouncer that picks up and they're like really no fun they usually they usually hang

up really quick like what do you want oh yeah i've learned that across my six years look at this

It's not enough Skype credit.

This is...

It's in Vegas.

What the fuck?

What?

Google.

Google phone.

It's so stupid.

It is stupid.

I don't know.

Now it's all fucked up.

Google Voices.

Yeah.

Well, thank God for Google Voice.

Thanks, guys.

Well, it works.

Better than Skype.

That was fairly nice.

Now I have to do Control-V instead of...

I can't just right-click and paste.

Alright.

DJ Scott.

Oh, DJ Scott.

Scott is...

I forgot, it was a voicemail that I called.

Someone called me and left a weird voicemail on the Google voice line,

so I called back, and their voicemail message was exactly that.

It was, uh, uh, uh, uh.

Yeah.

I was like, okay.

I called it a few times because it sounded funny, but I don't know.

Man, I don't feel so bad.

Let's see what other numbers are here that DJ Scott left.

Dick's Cabaret.

Nope.

Modern World Adult Boutique.

House of Egg Roll.

House of Egg Roll?

House of Egg Roll.

oh my god read your script why don't you geez yeah i think at this time we're not gonna get

anything that's not in the uk and i can't call the uk i think it's over i think it's time to

pull the plug unless you got any ideas if anybody else has sent in a very recent prank call then

i'm not catching now's the time to tell me dirty aaron said he sent in one that was like two hours

ago but he sent in one eight seven seven number call service for drug addicts drug call into a

call center and they connect you to

another person and you just tell them

you're hooked on drugs, crack, meth, whatever

and they will not hang up no matter how

crazy you sound. Sick.

This prank idea is from Cobra Prez

Prez. Please mention on air.

Thank you for calling the North Puget Sound

area Narcotics Anonymous helpline.

This is not a crisis line or an emergency

number. If you have an emergency,

please hang up and dial 911.

Otherwise, please choose from the following options.

If you'd like to speak to a member of

NA, press 1 if you're a man

and two if you're a woman.

Press three to hear information about Narcotics Anonymous.

Press four to hear locations and times of meetings in Skagit or...

Please hold. Go ahead, please.

Hello, I'm an addict. My name is Scott.

Hey, Scott. How are you doing?

Good. How are you doing?

Good. Did I wake you up?

No. Actually, I was up.

Oh, okay. Are you at home? Did I call you at home or something?

Yeah, that's how the...

The phone line's kind of like on an automated system

between, like, ten different people.

And it'll ring at everyone's house, and whoever picks up first, it transfers through them.

Oh, man, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to bother you.

I won't.

Oh, no, no.

It's no bother, man.

It's why I'm on the list.

Oh, the other...

What's the deal?

I was...

I can't find...

I can't find my stuff, my things.

I can't find them.

My papers.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Okay.

What are you addicted...

What were you addicted, or what are you addicted to?

To drugs.

You can't tell me.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, my drug of choice was crystal meth.

Did you ever smoke marijuanas?

Yep.

I can't find my papers, so.

I know that there was something, you could take an apple, right?

Yeah, I don't know.

This is a Narcotics Anonymous hotline.

Yeah, I want to stay anonymous for sure.

Right.

Do you want to get clean or you're looking to still use?

Well, I'm trying to get clean, yeah, but I can't find papers and stuff.

I don't know, I lost them, I've got a problem.

right papers like to a meeting or no you know we're rolling up to make a marijuana cigarette

smoke yeah but i know those that you can still almost tell me on tv that was watching the tv

told me that you could take an apple yeah i'm not sure how do you do though what about the one with

the aluminum foil uh i'm not sure this is this is kind of a hotline for people that want to get

clean and help it's yeah yeah i'm trying to get some help oh okay have you ever been to a narcotics

synonymous meeting no yeah that's kind of what this that's kind of what this thing is well i was

thinking you take i could take a aluminum foil and um wrap it around like a bunch of times i run

a like a marker or a pencil uh-huh and then you take the pencil out and then you take the tip of

it and you bend it so it makes like a like a bowl huh i don't think is that how you do it i don't

know i i don't know i don't know like i said this isn't a hotline to to it's for help tell

tell people how to it's not to tell people how to use drugs though it's to help people i definitely

don't want to use drugs anymore i'm trying to get some help as well well if you're asking how to to

make some paraphernalia that's that's that's what i'm saying no but it's for tobacco i mean you know

you know what i mean for tobacco that's it yeah well i couldn't be more of help can you smoke

out of the toilet good luck listen is it is it true that crystal meth makes you shit really bad

It does, right?

Good night, sir.

Okay, good night.

I knew a girl once who used crystal meth.

She said it made her shit really bad once.

Well, that should be in the cinema right there, not to...

She told me she was out, and then she had to take a shit,

and she pulled her pants down behind a tree,

and she didn't pull her pants.

She pulled her pants.

You know how you can pull your pants down,

but it creates like a...

How do you say it?

Like a hammock under you?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, right.

She...

So she...

She hit the target with the hammock.

She hit the hammock.

So she filled up her hammock with, like, the dirty, wet shit.

And then she put her pants back on.

And then she didn't realize until she sat back down on the back of the car.

It was everywhere, running down her legs.

I don't know why she told me this.

I didn't really know her that well.

I don't know why you told me now.

I didn't date her.

I just knew her.

She told me this story.

I was like, wow, that's great.

We're here having lunch.

And you're telling me the time to shit your pants.

That's great.

Hey, Carlito.

Hey.

Check the chat room.

Elevator time.

Great White North represent.

Got to hit up that command line, type everything out.

I don't know.

What am I missing?

Tell me.

Oh, no, on the Skype.

On the Skype.

Oh, the Skype.

The Skype room.

7-Eleven.

Okay, cool.

They have 7-Elevens in Brooklyn or Bronx or wherever you are.

Yeah, Brooklyn, yeah.

I thought Brooklyn is black people.

Am I wrong?

Not my part.

No?

Mine used to be all white, but now the Arabs are moving in.

It's white hipster dudes running it now.

Yeah, but now the Arabs are coming into my neighborhood.

I don't get it.

Now, wait a minute.

How big is Brooklyn?

It's pretty big.

It used to be a city.

Did it?

But then it became part of New York City.

You're thinking of Harlem, which is in like the northern part.

When I used to listen to rap music and Biggie Smalls, he'd say Brooklyn.

He'd represent Brooklyn all the time.

Yeah, I think it's like Bed-Stuy.

I live in a nice neighborhood.

I don't live in the projects.

Oh, okay.

So I thought Brooklyn wasn't that big.

I thought it was just a piece.

No, it's a big – it's a borough.

It has all these little neighborhoods all in it.

I guess I thought Brooklyn was, like, maybe a few blocks or something.

I don't know.

Wow.

That's my distorted reality.

Like 2 million people.

You know, 2 million people if you're something like that.

In Brooklyn alone?

Yeah.

Holy shit.

See, it shows you what I know.

I didn't know.

Wow.

But can you walk to Manhattan?

Is it that close?

See, that's –

I thought you could walk to Manhattan from Brooklyn and all this shit.

I thought it was that close.

Well, I guess you can, but it'll take, like, an hour or two.

No, I wouldn't want to do it.

Probably not.

Take a few hours.

Is it dangerous to take the train at night?

Is that true?

Um, I never...

No, not really.

It's safe now.

Yeah, that's what my wife was saying.

I was like, Athena, it's safe to take the subway at night.

She's like, no, don't ever take the subway at night.

Julianne cleaned it up, they say.

That's what I heard, that Julianne cleaned it up.

I heard you can go on the train at night and stuff, and it's not a big deal.

Yeah, I've been on the train, like, midnight.

Midnight stuff?

It's been, like, fine.

Yeah, see?

Bullshit.

All right, so who are we calling again?

I'm sorry, this is a 7-Eleven in Brooklyn.

Okay, that's right.

Yes.

Okay.

Call the pretend...

Can I take the lead on this?

Sure, yeah.

If I go silent, can you just pick it up?

Yeah.

Okay, thanks.

All right.

If you're getting nervous, okay.

You're being quiet.

You don't want your parents to hear.

Is that what's going on?

This is 7-Eleven, 3-2-N-F-O.

Please leave your message.

We call the variation if possible.

Hey, man.

I'll try them again.

Are they 24 hours?

Yeah.

You know what?

Actually, that might not be a good idea.

Okay, okay, okay.

It's right next to a police station.

I just wanted that.

Well, yeah, probably not.

Good catch.

Last minute, but good catch nonetheless.

Okay, kid.

And I don't know.

I think we're out of numbers now.

Well, Fridge Bulb sent in a number for Chinatown, New York City.

Chinatown itself, I'm guessing?

I don't know.

A Chinese restaurant, and they answered my Skype call a couple of minutes ago, he said,

but that was like three hours ago.

go so well it's new york right they never close new york no that's what i hear oh crap i hit the

stupid thing that says to switch to new look i keep doing that stop it god damn it that new look

sucks i'm sorry google you really need to work on that go uh tuck uh send eric schmidt an email on

my behalf please if you don't mind i don't like new look can you go back to the old one oh look

still gives you the option it says go back but i'm sure at some point hello oh eventually yeah

Hi, Jill. No answer there.

Okay, we're almost out of...

So is it going to be like

that ugly orange

and stuff in it, like in

the voice

homepage? I think so.

It's going to look the same as Doc's in voice.

That's exactly what it looks like,

which I don't like. It does not look nice.

It's a little too...

No offense, I know you're an Apple fan,

but it's too

Apple. It kind of has an Apple look to it.

like it's something that does you know and it's i mean yeah do your own thing google do your i mean

i know i'm listening i've been audio booking because you can't say i'm reading and you don't

want to say i'm listening but i'm audio booking the steve that new steve jobs auto by uh um

authorized biography and um yeah just just pointing out but yeah steve jobs really he was um

he's a jerk but this some of the stories are funny like what this the shit with uh bill gates and

stuff is like funny i was just listening to um like that that's what i last heard was itunes

when itunes was coming out they were planning itunes and there was a big big hubbub about are

we're gonna bring that we're gonna bring itunes to windows or not and this and that and that's not

it's funny and bill gates was talking shit about it uh and the email got around to steve jobs and

steve jobs you know read this email but bill gates heard about steve jobs about how itunes

were shit, and he called them on the phone and told them

that he was shit.

It's pretty solid. He calls stuff

shit all the time. Steve Jobs.

They say he'll be in a meeting, and

someone will do a presentation, and he'll just say

this is shit.

Some kid will be like, oh.

They'll be depressed.

Tire's broken.

Dreams are shot.

And they hang themselves with a shoelace.

Someone sent in a request

here before

for Jose Reyes in East Harlem.

him, tell him I think he's the Mets player

Jose Reyes, and I'm an

agent wanting to sign him. Okay. I don't even

know who the Mets player Jose Reyes is.

He was a batting champ

this year. Oh, Rosie. Oh, you would

know. You're from... I think everyone

in New York likes baseball, from what I

understand. Yeah. Are you

to support the Mets or the Yankees? It sounds like...

Mets. Oh, God. Baba Booey.

You taking this? Uh, yeah. Once you

want to. You take it. Okay.

Is this Jose Reyes? Yes, who's this?

Hey, this is Willie Torres. I'm

I'm an agent, and I wanted to represent you in baseball.

I understand you play for the Mets.

Sorry.

My name is Willie Torres.

I'm a sports agent.

I understand that you play baseball.

I know you're good with the baseballs.

You have a batting average.

You got a batting record this year, and I wanted to represent you.

I'm sorry.

You're the wrong person.

Look, I want to shoot you a figure there for $2 million for the first year, okay?

And I got 20%.

I get 20% of that, all right?

That's an old Silverman baby reference right there.

Jerky boys

Silverman baby

Hey

tuck yeah can you confirm what i sent you a request on skype so i've got a request

on skype and uh we got one last uh prank call here to do it looks like this is the quick trip

this just came in from lonesome loser and this would be the end thank you everyone who's uh hung

in there so late it's gonna be about 3 30 by the time we finish this show out not later late late

late show tonight you guys are just lucky i don't have a job yet i don't know skype

still doing it i don't get it here's silverman let's listen to silverman baby for a second

are you guys offering top level positions in baseball but first of all you do me a favor

shut those fucking bastards up behind you oh i'm at work right now my boss doesn't know i'm calling

because this job is a piece of shit job man i'm looking for real real work yeah real work like

in the major leagues not i don't know if i'm ready for major league but i'm definitely ready

for the minor leagues.

No, no, no.

We don't do minor leagues, son.

I'm a top agent.

My name is Silverman.

Shut that motherfucker up

so I can hear you.

You don't hear me?

No, that fucking...

Who is that guy with the mouth?

I'm a salesman.

Well, who's the big mouth behind you?

Oh, he's another salesman.

Put him on the fucking phone.

He's taking care of a customer.

All right, well, you tell him

to shut his fucking mouth.

I don't need to hear that shit

when I'm trying to talk to you.

Okay.

What do you want to do?

You want to race a car?

You want to play baseball?

What the fuck do you want?

I want to play baseball.

ball. All right. For what team? For Yankees. All right. I'm writing all this shit down. Give me

your name. My name is Chris. Yeah, that's great, Chris. Chris what? All right. Right. Yes. All

right. So what do you want to do? I want to play the outfield. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Speedy

Gonzalez over here. I need your fucking phone number. 212. Yeah. Right. And what is that

supposed to mean? Huh? That's my number. Yeah, but no, I don't give a fuck about the number. You

just said you wanted to do what in the outfield? I want to play the outfield. Yeah, so do I. I

to tell me more. I got to get you out there. I want to make top dollar for you. You know

why?

40 and 4.4.

Yeah, so do I. Let me tell you something. I'll tell you what.

What?

I got to make top dollar for you so I can get paid.

Okay.

All right. Now, what team did you say you wanted to play for?

Yankees.

All right, the Yankees. We got a couple of slots in the Yankees. What do you want, short

stop or second base?

Play the inside, play the outfield.

Yeah, well, listen, asshole, you don't have many choices here. I'm trying to make you

millions of dollars. You're talking about the fucking outfield. You know, that used

used to be an old band in the 80s. Nobody gave a fuck

about the outfield. You understand what I'm saying?

I understand. Move yourself up there where the fucking

cameras can get on you.

In the outfield, you get hit with bottles, knives, and all

kinds of shit. That's your missing son in the outfield.

Yeah, it is. The outfield.

You think that's it? The outfield.

Go Google it.

It's a classic prank. We'll play the rest

of that after the show.

This is Amy.

Amy, hi, listen. I've got a problem with the

sandwiches. The sandwiches don't have

mustard mayonnaise on them already.

I got home from eating getting a sandwich and I don't have any mustard I don't have any mayonnaise

I got huh I don't know some turkey something this is cross listen I get a sandwich I get home it's

a dry sandwich there's a reason why I don't have mustard and mayonnaise inside the house

because I didn't go shopping that's why I had to go to your place to get a sandwich the next thing

I know I got a dry sandwich here I didn't want to eat it I threw the sandwich at my wife and we got

got into an argument and she left she took the tv she threw it on the floor tv's messed up now

she stormed off why don't you people put mustard and mayonnaise in the sandwich not even a package

in the package you don't put packs of it why two seconds no i don't know i'm sorry that there

wasn't mustard mayonnaise on the sandwich i'm apologized i mean if you want to call at six

o'clock in the morning my store manager will be here and you can discuss it with him i mean do

you carry mustard and mayonnaise in the aisle there like packet like the actual like mayonnaise

jar and mustard too?

Yeah. What's your manager's name?

I want you to write down a message for him. You ready?

Message. Alright. Cross called in

about the sandwich. Cross.

C-R-O-S-S. Called in about the

sandwich. There was no mustard or

mayonnaise on the sandwich. Please

give Cross a jar of mayonnaise

and a container of mustard for

free when he comes in in the morning.

I can relay that. What was your name?

Amy. Put down Amy

authorizes this.

I can't do that.

All right.

Well, I had a problem with one of the employees there.

Okay.

All right.

I'll relay the message.

Amy used racial slurs to the customer.

Well, just write it down, though, for me.

Okay?

Amy did not wash her hands after using the bathroom.

Because I got customers waiting in line.

Can you read that for me, please?

Can you hang on a minute?

No.

Well, I'm sorry.

I got to get going.

Well, I can't wait.

I can't wait.

And you messed up.

So please read it back.

Anyway, we're out of here.

I'm tired.

I'm done with this.

All right, guys.

guys. Thank you for listening, everybody.

Milkman, is he even connected anymore?

No. Well, if Milkman was here, he would thank

everybody. I will thank

Lonesome Loser, Nunu,

everyone who sent in numbers, everyone in the chat

today. What's up?

Everyone who donated

money, funds, even though I

couldn't use them tonight, I'm sure by next week we'll be able

to use them.

That was very nice of you guys on such short notice

to help out and do things like that,

which will go to benefit us in the future,

of course.

The future

The future of this show

Hey Carlito, is it okay if I call him next week?

Sure, yeah

You're well behaved, you behave better than

Neville Ardy does normally

So yeah

If you ask me, you can

Thanks

So yeah, I wanted to thank

Kokanee, Kevin, RBCP

UKTED

A company named Richard, who donated funds

TalkFans for being on

Ted Webb was on tonight.

UK Ted, IG-69.

Milkman was on tonight.

Am I missing anybody?

I don't know.

Milkman was on four times.

He didn't have to take a shit and left.

Evil Arty, that's right.

Everyone who sent in requests to prank, thank you.

Lonesome Loser, I already thanked you, but thanks again.

And that's it.

And we're done.

Thank you.

Hi, buddies.com.

New strip going up right now.

Yep, madhouselive.com.

We'll catch you here next week.

Y'all have a great weekend and a good Friday.

Good Friday.

You get it?

Happy Ramadan.

now that already happening okay i got a fast got the gun check her out the gun

y'all right out there you know we just came through to check y'all niggas you know i'm

saying to show some love i'm saying us niggas don't know how long we gonna be here

feel me so enjoy this shit and enjoy yourselves and then we out of here

Calls (45, 2 h 10 min of 4 h 40 min)

Transcript

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