Panty Soup

I like pineapples.

You do?

Yeah.

Do you?

Why do I need to hear this?

Call your mom and get a picture, bitch.

Your attitude is unacceptable to me, sir, over the phone.

I don't even know who you are.

I'm a customer.

Yeah, and I hope that our customers don't worry.

Can you please stop calling, sir?

If you could just tell me yes or no, you can make panty suits.

No, I'm not making you panty suits, you asshole.

The audio is very clippy.

I'm waking up to my heater.

I don't know if that's from the air or not.

That's too distorted, you're covering me, it's out of here

Oh, I didn't know, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry

You're fired, you're fired, let me try to, maybe it's a bad Skype connection, let me call you back

Shut up

Anyway, Madhouse Radio for November something, 2011 I believe it is still

Hello, I'm Carlito. I'm the host guy. There's a clipping. I can hear some clipping, but this happens for some reason lately. There's like a little bit of a clip sometimes.

I hear that stutter in the music. Wait for Milkman to answer the phone. Alright, does it sound better yet?

Oh, dude, you sound good. I don't know. Let me hear a program on you.

Skype. Skype thing. Probably just a Skype thing.

Yeah, it's not so distorted now. It sounds a little different, but it's not so distorted like I had it before.

That's good. Alright. Well, hey, it's Carlito and the Milkman. Milkman, how are you, sir?

Alright, um, go ahead and proceed with the beginning of the show, where, uh, gentlemen, you know, and then, uh, introduce whoever's on the show.

I will wait for you to interrupt the opening. I got you for your opening.

We started, it's already open, Milkman. We're here.

Hello, honey, so, how you doing, my buddy? So good to meet you, man. You're sounding great. You're sounding wonderful. Awesome going on.

Hey, man, how you feeling tonight, big guy?

Oh, I'm alright. I love you, Milkman. You make me laugh.

Hey, man, it's your show, brother.

It's your show, man.

It's what we want to do.

Oh, I'm going to do that.

We're going to do that.

That's right.

Thanks, everyone, for tuning in.

You can send your request to the Request a Prank forum over at madhouselive.com.

I've got a bunch of those already sent in.

Lonesome Loser, I presume, will be joining us later on in the program with his stuff.

New new policy and then stuff also.

He had some recommendations already through the week.

Look at that.

There he goes.

He's sending a number right now.

Yeah!

If you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger, you can send your request to Madhouse Radio.

That's the screen name, Madhouse Radio on AOL and Yahoo, and MSN Messenger, madhouseatlive.com.

Be sure to follow us on Twitter and Facebook as well, Madhouse Live on Facebook.

As I said before...

Yeah, invite some of your friends to the show.

Send them to some numbers, David.

And we will include them, and they can become your friend or an enemy of the show.

so so milkman's uh milkman is on milkman you having a good week there you were missing for

most of last week's show people were concerned we thought you were uh being held up and raped

no actually last week i guess we got really busy

i didn't want to i didn't want to show up i tell them that these norwegian girls were like

trying my best you had a dynamite marathon of like

Thank you, Ted.

Thank you, Milkman.

I almost forgot your name for a second there.

Yes, we had a good show.

I wanted to mention that I had problems with the podcast.

so a lot of people are confused was the show only an hour and a half was it four hours it was a four

hour show and it's a four hour podcast but here's what happened when i was uploading the uh the

episode to the server uh to be available on the podcast well it cut off at some point the power

went out and i didn't realize that i thought the transfer finished before the power went out here

and it killed the server but i was uploading with um i i just went ahead and acted so it only got

That, you know, I think it was about 35% of the episode or something like that uploaded.

Oh, so it only came out about 90 minutes then, right?

Yeah, so that happened, and then people started saying,

Hey, there's only an hour and a half or so of the show.

I thought it was longer than that.

I know.

So I said, Oh, shit, that's right.

So then I uploaded the whole thing again, you know, the full thing.

Oh, okay, right.

The full program, the full four-hour music-a-thon that you guys performed last week.

Right, but the problem is a lot of feed catchers, including iTunes, the big one in the industry,

didn't see that update unless you forced it on your own.

Oh, so all the guys and all the subscriber trackers need to be manually brought forward.

No, not the erroneous broken.

Right, you want to delete.

If you downloaded it at only an hour and a half, you want to manually delete that file

and then uh reap reaping uh the server and grab the new copy of it or worst case scenario the

easiest way is just to go to madhouse live.com go to the prank cast link and get it directly from

there exactly because you've got you've got quite an archive you've developed and we have so

now uk ted is mentioning he's asking if he's the only one in the chat room there's a lot more

people in the chat room they're talking to him right now uk ted do you not see them in the chat

I see you in there.

Do you see us?

We see you.

I see you.

Well, you know, that's the good thing about it.

You know, and just so you know, back to the old days, I was just a weak cop.

I was just a huge old cop and got involved in being a rich cop.

Right, right.

And I was very brave to listen.

And if you get a chance, join the chat, because I can't even get a rap name, everybody.

I'm doing things to say, occasionally, to one of the coolest guys I've ever known.

I mean, I'm not even telling you that.

Yeah, what a big mistake.

So, no, I'm kidding.

You never know how long you'll be paying for your choices, guys.

So pay attention to him on YouTube.

Six years later, he's got this whole form here.

Text over the program.

So, yeah, everyone should be in the chat room.

Milkman, did we all lose you?

What happened?

I'm looking at Skype, and it just made a funny noise, and it disconnected.

It went blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and he hung up.

Backing up.

That wasn't on purpose, man.

That was not for dramatic.

What did you do?

That was traumatization, man.

That was an accident.

Yeah, he went like blah, blah, blah, blah, and then...

I just started looking at the Skype, and I see you.

I'll admit it.

My big lips were gobbling the phone, and I pushed a button with my lips.

Wow.

I thought you did.

I was watching it.

You go, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and it just goes, click, like you disconnected.

My big old lips were flapping, and it smacked a little, a little, and I'm like,

I'll put that in talk.

Wow.

All right.

Well, so.

Well, now, if that isn't what's called live fun, then stay tuned, because there's going

to be plenty more.

Good.

So, real quick, rest in peace to two African-American gentlemen, Joe Frazier and Heavy D.

Heavy D and Joe Frazier.

How is it that Joe Frazier dies before Muhammad Ali?

I don't get it.

Muhammad Ali can't even hold a sentence down.

His brain turned to mush, so he just had to go out.

But Frazier continued on with the career somewhat longer.

Hey, you know what?

Thank God that some of them are still alive.

And thank God that we were here to witness their greatness.

Because who ever's going to tell us they're on the ESPN Classic?

And you'll see the Frazier fights, the Ali fights, the Kevin Curry fights.

You'll see all the famous greats.

And once you see them in action, you'll never believe how awesome they were until you see them.

Yeah, that Muhammad Ali can fight, he can punch and move.

Jesus, that guy was thrashing fast.

He was full of, he was full of lip, he was full of rhyme, he was full of brain.

That he was lightning fast.

Well, he used that lip to hit it and get you shook up.

And that's why he was, that's why he was brilliant.

Because, man, once he had you shook up, he would quit you so many times.

So, if you wouldn't know where else you hit him, he'd tell you, you should have been like, you know, a pile of mush.

And he took the punches.

That's what ended up, that's what finally ended up.

But, yeah, I know that's and it was George Foreman probably did most of that damage that Muhammad Ali took that hurt him so bad in the future years.

The fight in Zaire, what is it?

The what is it?

The throw and not throw him in the middle.

I know.

I can't know.

I mean, I think that was a real high one in the first.

The one in Kinshasa, the first fight with George Foreman, he rope-a-doped him the whole fight, like eight rounds straight.

He just sat there and got punished, got punished, and he, George Foreman got tired.

Yeah, but Foreman was strong.

Foreman punched, and he was just like, I was watching a video of, like, the lead-up to that fight,

and, man, like, you just see the fight.

Like, you see George Foreman doing practices, you know, before

and just hitting the, he was hitting the punching bag as hard as he could

and it sounded like freaking like shotgun blasts, like, boom.

He was a power guy.

Oh, my God, yeah, and the thing was he had.

And Ali was a boxer because he did the foot shuffles, he did the steps,

he did the strokes, the jabs, the flicks, and that was the difference.

And then, clearly, I never thought I'd say it all these years later,

but now I've witnessed it.

He'd be the greatest

because he still used

kill people.

And it's the rumble

in the jungle by the way

but the thing is

I just remembered

but yeah the thing was

Ali said he knew

that Foreman

hadn't fought more

than I think

five or six rounds.

He won every fight

in the fifth or sixth round.

He never went the distance

so he said

Foreman wasn't

going to be able to go.

He just had to hold out.

Foreman pounded

him in the arm

and kept pounding

him to knock him out.

Foreman just finally

couldn't hear

what he had to do

and went ahead

and did the fight off.

Are you on speakerphone

on milkman people saying that you sound like the the teacher from uh from um from charlie brown

yeah yeah yeah yeah what's going on are you on speakerphone or how are you talking yeah yeah

yeah i'm talking phones in my hand in the room i don't have any uh earphones on yet that's why

you sound like crap okay people are complaining i'm just saying that they can't understand you

you're hearing the echo in the room is what you're hearing i'm saying a toilet at you all right good

Okay, I'm done.

So listen, I don't really follow college football.

You heard this whole Penn State thing, the Sandusky and Joe Paterno thing that's been going on.

I'm pretty insulated from the mainstream media, but this even permeated me in my podcast listening,

the whole thing with the coach, the assistant coach, I guess.

One of the coaches from Penn State, I guess for the last 15-some years,

was molesting and raping little boys on the campus and stuff like that.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They caught KD's mentor.

KDK was...

Milkman, you sound like crap.

Why are you talking so far away from the phone?

Because I got my hands full right now, and I don't have my headphones.

I'm looking for...

Are you putting on a T-shirt?

What's going on?

No, man.

I just put on my bikini, bro.

Don't tell anybody, man.

And he says, like, I'm looking pretty hot here.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Well, there you go, everybody.

That's...

I don't know what I want to talk about.

Child molestation right now.

Yeah.

I did read an article, and I'm sorry.

I know it's not funny, but I read an article.

I think it was in Chicago or something like that, or Arizona.

Okay, I got my headphones on.

That's much better.

Thank you.

There's a 70...

I don't know why I laughed at this.

i'm so sorry because this could happen to my dad or anybody but this 70 year old hispanic guy

was going out for his morning walk in a park and in a van with four black men pulled up

grabbed them and put them in the van and beat and they raped them inside the van and they called

them ethnic slurs according to the article and they kicked them out and they drove off

And I'm just thinking, you feel bad for a 70-year-old guy, but what has this world come to where four young black guys are just like, yeah, man, you see that old Hispanic guy there? Let's fucking put him in the van and rape his ass.

I just don't know what's going on with the fuck. It's not funny what happened to the old guy. What the fuck's going on with this world?

where black youth...

He's 70, man. That stuff there, man,

ain't been broken in yet in 70 years.

But it's not, you know,

things have changed.

Before, you know, they had the decency just to steal

his wallet and maybe beat him up

and stuff, but they didn't have to

gay rape him. I mean, does that make

them gay? Well, I don't know what changes before

would have been a man. I know.

I mean, he would have, I mean, yeah.

He's just gotten a run

up. I don't know, man.

Men after men. I mean, come on.

Is it that bad?

I blame that show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

and George Takei and Gay Marriages

and all that stuff for doing this.

Gay, black gay thugs are confused.

They're thinking that's how you...

I don't think it's the gays, man.

I'm certain that this is something

that Katie Gay has organized in his off time

while he hasn't been on shows.

It's funny and crying a lot.

That's not funny to say.

He started this whole new movement

to, like, take over the country

because everybody's bisexual.

That's not nice to say,

but really, what, I mean,

what happened in the days

when the gangbangers just stuck to,

you know, robbing and shooting and stuff?

Now they're raping old men,

and that's just fucking weird.

It's gay.

And I'm sure there's gay gangbangers out there,

but, you know, think about, you know,

four thug black dudes in a van,

like, yeah, let's fuck that ass,

and watching each other fuck that ass.

That's just weird.

It's dudes on dudes.

That's what's alarming about it,

they don't have any there's no shame there i mean it's like man like okay man like we're a

party ride man so like we're gonna go we're gonna go jump some dunes man not some big

what is wrong with that picture i don't know i give up i tell you what i give up too man because

like i don't want nothing to do with it man there's something seriously wrong out there

well we got numbers from nunu nunu is sending in numbers we also have a lot of requests to pranks

i would like to try to get to the request of pranks first and early because i lost two weeks

I wait on the request of pranks because so many of them came in and ended up at the end of the show.

No, two of them have to come in, yeah, because they're going to be dead by the time we get done.

I know, it gets too late, yeah.

So what's the date today?

Today's the 10th, right?

I want to make sure, yeah, so last week was the 3rd, so I've got to look at request of pranks that came in after last week of the 3rd, well, the 4th, because anything on the 4th would have been after midnight last week.

let me just say real quick

I know I'm talking

beginning of the show

while people start filing in

and the requests come in

we usually talk a little bit

this is the last thing

I wanted to mention

people will probably witness

no I went on a vegetarian diet this week

to kick start a major diet plan

regimen in my life

for the next coming months

I just usually

lately if I do decide

I want to start a diet

I do no oils.

I don't use any cooking oil.

I don't use any cheese and no meat for five days.

So tomorrow will be the last day of that.

Wow.

Yeah, so I've been eating a lot of beans.

And, man, I always thought, you know the whole saying, beans, beans, the magical fruit.

The more you eat, the more you toot.

I'm telling you, it's true.

Like, I've been eating a lot of beans with garlic.

And, like, I'm clearing the room today.

I'm on my fourth day of that.

And, man, it smells like garlic and ass coming out of me.

Dude, it does not.

It smells like a rose garden.

No, it smells like a rose garden of fucking, a stinking rose garden is what it smells like.

A rose garden full of farting.

That's what it smells like.

It smells like freaking a garlic garden.

But, yeah, farting a lot today and yesterday, especially tonight.

Athena kicked me out of the living room.

We were watching The Office, and she said that was enough.

Dude, that's awesome, man.

And so, like, Seaners is getting, like, the close-up there of the Armanito.

Yes, that's right.

No, she doesn't like that.

No, she shouldn't like that.

She should like that because, you know, that's funny Armanito.

That's what the parents are like.

I don't know.

All right.

So, Nunu is sending an audio.

Apparently, he has audio of that gang rape in Arizona.

If you want to listen to that real quick, Milkman, if you can play that.

Well, okay.

Let's see.

I want to hear KD Gay, man.

I haven't heard him cry for a while.

We got out of that right here. What you doing on a turf punk got a message for smoke. You're smoking that you ain't smoke

He ain't your motherfucking message. I said give me a message

Nigga, you've been busted. Yeah, man. No fucking time to play with you and give me the message

Won't even want to tell me to tell your mother feedback and stick around for what's out man

Can we the Lord's do punk like it's me and you just me and you put trademarks around your fucking I don't think that's

I just made that

That sounds a little bit like young punks here, thinking they're going wigger.

Yeah, okay, anyway, those are black kids.

Anyway, so look, this number came in, Myra, Big Myra, sent in a number, a Polish restaurant.

Oh, yeah.

Polish women are hot, dude.

Why are they?

Communists, if you ask me, I wouldn't care.

I don't give a fuck.

I love them communists, because they're fucking hot, man.

Guys out there know what I'm talking about.

Especially, like, over in Chicago and places like that.

Yeah, those Polish people are hot, dude.

Whatever.

All they eat is potatoes and pickles, I heard.

Yep, yep, yep, man.

Those are some fine...

This is Carmel speaking.

How may I help you?

Yeah, do you have real Polish women there?

Oh, I'm sorry.

This isn't a Polish restaurant.

This is a cosmetic company.

I thought it was a Polish restaurant.

Oh, no.

If you've gone through Google, they have the wrong number.

I'm sorry.

Oh, so what is this?

A cosmetic company?

Yes, sir.

And do you have lipsticks there?

Lipsticks?

Yes, we do.

All right.

Do you match the colors if I go in there?

Yes, we do. We do all the color matches for you.

Anything from eyeshadows, foundation, skin care, we do it all.

Okay, and it's just women that work there?

Yes, sir.

All right, so if it's just women, there's a man who pays the bills, though, right?

Like, is in charge?

No, all of our employees are currently all women, but you welcome everyone.

Okay. No, I'm not saying for me.

I'm just saying because I know there's usually because women are usually not to be trusted with the money and business decisions.

Well, you know, it's a gift. It's a gift, really.

You sound fucking hot. You're cute. You're not Polish, are you?

No, not unfortunately.

My friend Milkman was talking about Polish girls.

Well, I hear they have beautiful skin. But I'm sure that's not what you're looking at.

Milkman, do you have anything to say to her? I don't have anything for her.

I want to know, do they have the Polish cosmetic line, the pierogi-scented lotions or any of the cosmetics that are pierogi-scented?

No, they are not.

I wish that they were because I've had those before, and they are delicious.

I mean, it makes you feel so comfortable.

When you smell that, you feel like you're at home.

You feel like you're with your mom or some family member, right?

So why don't you try that?

That'd be a good suggestion.

Maybe try and introduce a Perotian-centered line of cosmetics.

I think we could do that.

I think it would sell wonders.

I know I'd buy a bunch.

How old are you?

Do you mind if I ask?

I'll do a little personal

I'm 24

Oh, okay

Do you like ice cream?

Yes, I do

Alright, maybe I

You mean you will get ice cream?

Maybe

You never know

But unfortunately

I have a client in my chair

So I hope you fellas

Have a wonderful evening

You know what's in my chair?

Gotta let him out now

Because he might

He might suffocate

Oh, oh goodness

Well, you should give him some air

Have a good evening

Gotta open that chair up

He's inside of it

Yeah, it's a low chair

Whatever

Never.

Nothing phases her.

She sounds kind of cute.

Milkmaid, you should go over there.

She's over there in Las Vegas.

She's close to you.

Keep it down, man.

I'm with it, man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, man.

Send her my number.

She doesn't have to phase her.

I try.

She's like, hee, hee, hee, hee.

She's 24, and she works in the cosmetic place.

What else?

What's wrong with the world there?

She's living the dream.

She's got to open mind.

She's into the pierogi, man, because if you're at a pierogi, you're at a pierogi, bro?

Yeah, all the time at pierogis.

You're off the hook, ain't you?

Yeah, pierogis are good.

some recently athena's uh this town that we live in there's a big polish um festival every year it

is a polish community so uh yeah they do fresh pierogies and then uh there's they sell really

good polish items here including some locally locally frozen uh pierogies and we buy them every

once in a while they're really good man you get cabbage rolls or cabbage soup cabbage rolls and

that kind of stuff too i don't know about cabbage i don't know anything i've had the cabbage soup

before that's pretty good i don't know about cabbage rolls yeah dude yeah that's another one

dude there's more and plus your sausages and shit are off the hook bro they got some fine

sausages and meat man yeah one thing i want to try to do i think in the next week or so milkman

i'm going to try to make my own sauerkraut i'm going to try to ferment my own sauerkraut hey

okay i'll tell you what um and then after that i'm going to make uh i'll tell you what i got

I've got this place up here where I work at.

They make fresh kraut all the time, and it's not like vinegar flour.

It's very sour, but the cabbage is still slightly, not crunchy,

but it's a little bit more than like mushy and bonfire in your mouth.

It's really good.

I'm going to try and find out how to prepare that, and then I'll throw that out to you.

You might be interested.

You might like it because it's actually pretty damn good.

It's not sour at all, which surprises me.

I've never had kraut that wasn't sour.

right barely so i think it's so fresh that you know if you eat it right away dude it's really

good right you put like sausages or wieners or anything inside your crop whenever you you know

you cook it up i've never made sauerkraut i don't know that's that's not my well if you get

kraut it's really good with uh like sausages or you know like get a kielbasa you know polish

sauce or anything like that and you slice it up and you put that in with your kraut as it's

boiling and getting hot, then that flavor

comes out in the ground. Oh my god,

it's really good, dude. Alright, sounds good.

Well, if that works, then I'm going to make

kimchi, I think, also, and then

I'm going to put it in rice, and I'm going to see

how long it takes me to shit it out, you know?

Wow, dude, kimchi stew, man.

We're talking about, you better get your ass

over to the madhouselive.com

and check out our

podcast, because it's all there in

recent episodes.

So if you're feeling left out, and you don't have anybody

It's good.

So I've got a number here that

came in, I believe, during the week from

UK Ted we got to keep this short because I think this is one of those British

cell phones but this is for a girl I don't know a girl UK Ted you sent me a

number for a girl who's very upper-middle-class English and an art

graduate but I don't think I have her name another one you sent it another one

for a PhD student who spends all the money on psychic hotlines that sounds

good too but then I got an idea for that one but I need a name so get back

to me on that uk ted you're talking to me on msn so uh hit me up let me know what those names are

for both of those people respectively all right thank you uh in the meantime we got a number here

from uh mpsa cobra which i don't know what does mpsa cobra mean is that like a military thing

mpsa cobra um christopher curtis whatever your name is let me know curious uh draft pick sports

bar they might have the big name they might have a big game on tonight or they may have room

For a yoga class

Or a football party

MPSA

MPS

Super Ass

I don't know

What big game is on tonight?

Is there a big game on tonight?

What big game?

There's no NFL game, is there?

That'd be bad

Well, they start Thursday games

Do they start the Thursday?

Because if they did

Then I just really screwed up

My fantasy football team

So I didn't do my Thursday picks

Uh-oh

Anyway

Are you at work yet?

What are you doing?

You seem to be slacking a lot

You should be at work already

What's going on?

I'm working, dude

Hear that?

I hear that

Okay, never mind

I'll take it back.

I'm just not doing anything, that's all.

I don't do anything.

No, it's not.

You didn't do anything for us on the show.

I never do anything good for the team because I love Madden.

Hey, how may I help you out?

Yeah, hi.

This is the Picks place?

It is.

Spicks, great.

Listen, is there a football game on tonight?

Yes, there is.

It's NFL?

Uh-huh.

Playing right now.

Oh, man.

It's in the third quarter.

How come you people didn't remind me about the game?

You were supposed to tell me about it because now I'm not going to get my picks right for

the fantasy football game.

I have no idea.

I made an arrangement there for the fantasy football game,

and you guys were supposed to let me know once the Thursday night game started.

I signed up for it when I was there.

I have no idea what you're talking about, and I have no idea who it's supposed to remind you.

I was there during the TNA wrestling event.

You have to talk to the person that you spoke to.

It wasn't me.

Well, who's the guy that's there?

There's two guys.

There's Joe and there's Brandon.

Yeah, Joe.

He was signing me up for those alerts.

Okay, do you want to talk to him?

What was your name?

My name's Kelly, but Joe's here if you want to talk to him about the game.

Yeah, hurry up.

Okay, just one second.

What do you say, Kelly with the big tits?

Wow, man, really.

Joe.

Yeah, listen, Joe, I signed up for those alerts.

You people were supposed to let me know when the Thursday night NFL game started there,

and I really don't appreciate this.

You're messing up my fantasy football game this week, you know?

Because I didn't get my picks in in time for Thursday.

I really don't appreciate this, Joe.

Now, sir, can I ask who this is so I can relay the message on to the proper supervisory person?

Yeah, this is Cross, okay?

Listen, when I was in their opening week, people assured me that you would be sending out alerts,

that you guys had all these specials, and they were supposed to let me know when the Thursday night game started.

And now I find out that the Thursday night game started tonight was the first one of the season, right?

Yeah.

Well, you people didn't let me know, and now I've got two people benched on my fantasy football.

league that shouldn't be benched well i suppose um if you really want to push on the right proper

uh complaint to the right person talk to a guy by the name of doc perkle he's the main man around

here now call in the morning now in the morning anywhere from 10 to noon joe it was you that we'd

had this conversation a few weeks ago about this i'm holding you responsible and i take this very

serious about my fantasy football league you understand now what was your name again do you

Do you have your papers?

Because I want them.

Do I have what papers?

Your papers.

Your private documents and your papers with you.

I'm going down there and I want to see them.

I'm going to make copies.

Have a good day, bud.

You stupid...

...paper.

I picked this, Joe.

Yeah, Joe.

Why did you hang up the phone on me?

I told you have a good evening and I was busy.

You said...

No, you didn't.

You didn't say anything about you were busy.

And you didn't say have a good evening.

You don't want to cause trouble with me right now.

I'm not...

Right now, I've got a busy bar.

and I don't need to have this kind of aggravation to me.

Listen, because of you, I got Jacob E. Ford.

He's benched out because Oakland's playing tonight.

You jerk.

I want you to pay me cash money over this.

I'm really upset.

I'm not paying you nothing.

Well, I'm coming down.

Please don't call to bug me again.

I want some free shit.

Damn it.

I knew this sucks.

Now, look, Jacob E. Ford's benched.

Lonesome Loser beat me by, like, six points last week, man.

I'm really pissed off.

I lost to him.

He's an asshole.

Lonesome Loser sometimes.

He called me, and he was rubbing it in my face,

He's like, ah, you lost, ah, you lost, you stupid girl.

That's what Lonson said.

Yeah, he didn't say it.

It was like six points.

I didn't take a beating.

It wasn't a beating.

He didn't throw me a good beating.

Actually, let me look.

I think I'm all right, actually, to be honest with you.

I don't have anything bad that's happening.

Ryan Matthews, 15 points projected.

I would have played him.

And then Owen Daniels instead of Jacob E. Ford, 17 versus,

is uh yeah i guess i would have gone with that anyway so we're okay there all right it wasn't a

big deal he said not to call him again but i'm gonna call him again let's see the guy's name

brandon that's for brandon he's back welcome back corrupt yeah may i speak with brandon please i'm

sorry what brandon brandon is not here tonight i thought you said brand there's no joe there

yeah all right put him on the phone please he's busy can i take a message no i can hold what was

with that? My evil conniving bitch.

Well, I guess we're done with them.

She needs to be abused now.

We need to talk to her. That's a big tit.

She wouldn't be so upset if she didn't hear you

say shit like, you know, she's a big,

she's got big tits. She's offended.

Herbal Bacon, did I hear Chris Chan?

Chris Chan got a, what?

Quiet, Milkman. Herbal Bacon says

Chris Chan got arrested. Really?

You don't say. What can you do? I mean, Chris Chan

had it coming. Um, the most recent

episode, uh, was, uh, Monday

of, uh, Johnny Brennan. He's got

at his um oh whatchamacallit uh he does the jerky boy show he did the hucklebuck prank call he

talked about the background material behind the hucklebuck yeah he talked all about it it's pretty

cool yeah why did chris speaking of classic stuff doesn't uh kato have a stream of the classic

pranks of all old old times running oh yeah i forgot to mention yeah that's uh yeah blue planet

Blueplanetprankhost

Blueplanetpranks.com

Blueplanethosting

Blueplanetprankcallhosting.com

Cool. Yeah.

We're on there. We're on Blueplanet. That's

Blueplanethosting.us. And of course

we're on Cacti Radio. I totally forgot about that.

Thank you. Yeah. Ted plays a lot of those old school

pranks. And new school pranks too. They're there also.

He does in the screen, right?

Yeah. Why did Chris Chan get

arrested for?

I don't understand. Why would he?

He seems so dumb and harmless.

I don't understand.

Explain.

What did he do?

Tried to run a dude over in his car.

When was this?

Wow.

I guess he did have it coming to him.

What I said before.

We got a number for the East India Company.

Best Indian food in Portland.

They're open until 9.30 Eastern.

We're open until 12.30.

Let me get to some of Nunu's pranks.

He's over there.

He's having a fit.

Right now.

Because I haven't called any of his numbers yet.

He sent in a number.

A cell phone number for Kid Chris.

This is the Kid Chris, the DJ Kid Chris from the radio.

Bit 5 of Ready to Eat and Hope and another test dough.

Okay.

Well, I guess it's not the Kid Chris.

It's a different Kid Chris.

Well, let's give him a call.

Let's see what's up with Kid Chris.

Nunu's also sending in a number for the National Women's Studies Association Conference.

Yeah.

In Georgia.

I'd like to.

Mokman, you're an expert at studying women.

Do you agree?

Yes, sir.

They should have you speak.

Yes, sir.

Absolutely.

I'm one of their major proponents and fans.

A major woman fan.

Nunu, remember I asked you, don't send me the numbers to AOL.

You can't do that, man.

Because then I don't get them on the right computer.

You've got to resend them in IRC, Nunu.

Please resend them.

That's how Nunu, he's got to refrain from his ways of being a...

He does.

We need a Nunu that doesn't give our numbers out to Keevy Gay before we get him either.

Well, Nunu, I'm transferring those numbers over.

for having a copy from AOL and sending

to my one Google account to the other.

But for future purposes,

send them over to...

Send them in the IRC so I don't lose them, would you?

I'd appreciate it. Thank you, sir. Don't be an asshole.

Thank you. I'm also thinking

about...

You got a point. Hey, real quick.

Since we're...

Since I'm busy trying to transfer numbers

from one computer to the other here,

thanks to Nunu, I think this

would be a great opportunity for us to play a

prank call from last week. I have

have two of them uh i would like to play for the life of me now i'm not sure which one i would like

to hear first so i think i'll just play hanaruru uh number five hanaruru and number five this is

our good friend charlie i know you're a friend uh you're a fan of his it's the newest in a newest

in an ongoing saga of prank calls to uh charlie and the do drop in let's listen to that we'll

grab back in a moment charlie cody yeah this is cross about the tomatoes yes yes i'm calling

I'm talking about the tomatoes that you wanted to order.

They're no good, you said?

Tomato?

Yeah, I ate the rice over there.

I delivered tomatoes to you and then you gave me rice.

And I ate the rice.

And then I took a shit in the toilet like an hour later.

You remember?

What did you talk about?

I ate your...

For what day?

I ate the pork fried rice two days ago.

You ordered pork fried rice?

House fried rice.

And then I took a shit in the toilet.

Don't ask something, okay?

What?

Don't ask something.

Don't ask something?

What do you mean, don't ask something, you stupid?

What does that mean?

You have to go to school?

No.

No, I graduate.

I'm a doctor.

You're a doctor?

You want to see the doctor?

I'm a doctor.

I'm a medical doctor.

Yeah, what happened?

Well, I went to the bathroom after I ate your rice.

What do you call from?

I'm calling from Keowale.

Keowale?

You know, the island, the big island?

Big island?

Yep, the big island.

Keowale.

Yeah.

You got me happy.

I'm from Kuala Lumpur Hospital.

I'm the doctor there.

My name is Dr. Cross.

And I ate your rice.

The rice there, okay?

You eat the rice?

And then it made me sick and I had to go take a shit in the toilet.

Yeah, and?

It was very bad.

Yeah, and?

The rice came out.

It didn't even digest.

It was like rice that came out from my ass instead of shit.

Son of a bitch, you.

Fuck you, you.

No, fuck you.

You know, fuck you.

Fuck you, son of a bitch.

What do you mean, fuck you?

I don't understand.

Wait a minute.

What does that mean?

Tell me what that means.

Tell me what Chinga Tulumale means, please.

Is that what it...

No?

Say it in English?

You understand?

Huh?

You understand?

Your sister used to...

You understand?

No.

Does that mean you're like...

I'm sorry.

Don't do that, please.

It hurts my ears.

You're so stupid.

You're stupid.

Go back to Shanghai.

Your sister used to cook food, right?

In Los Angeles?

Your sister makes

bad food in Los Angeles, too.

Fuck you.

Fuck you, you stupid.

Chingale, Duan.

Yes

Fuck you

You mother fucker

Mother fucker

No

Ah

Mother fucker

You mother fucker

Sir

Hello

Charlie

Alright that's Hunter Rue

We're in number five

We're calling Kid Chris right now

Yeah is this Chris

Who

Kid Chris

Yeah who is it

This is Rex Millionaire

I was looking for Kid Chris

Is he available

Is that you

Yeah who is it

This is Rex

Listen

How old are you

You're like 15 or something

Why the fuck do you want to know?

Well, because I'm related to another kid, Chris,

and he's complaining about you on Twitter,

and he asked me to call you and tell you to change your name on there, please.

That you're stealing my friend Kid Chris's name?

He's a rapper?

Fuck you and fuck your friend.

Fuck you, little boy.

Listen to me.

Fuck you, too.

Have you ever been in a van?

He called me the N-word.

That's not nice.

Bill Cosby had to say about that.

That's stupid.

Listen, I want you to read the Bill Cosby book called Parenthood.

Have you ever heard of it?

Who's that by?

Your mom?

It's by your mom, right?

Because she has a...

Your mom's clit is so big, it's like a small dick.

You know it?

Yeah, you seen your mom naked?

Yeah?

That's good.

That's cool.

Alright, do you drink...

Do you drink beers?

Do you like beers?

I have some beers.

Listen, my name is Sandusky.

I was wondering, maybe you wanted to come and go to the locker room with me in the football game?

Nigga.

Listen.

Fuck you.

Listen.

We watch football with me, and then after that, we'll take a shower together.

You're 10 years old.

You're a 10-year-old little boy?

Yeah.

Guess what, man?

I need my dick, so you want to come over here and suck my motherfucking dick and lick my balls?

Well, I need a tweezer for the little tiny meats there, you know?

You harassing me, so stop calling my motherfucking phone, bitch.

Nobody harassing you.

You got a tiny one.

It's not our fault.

Oh, my God, Milkman.

What was that about?

I don't know, dude.

That guy was through you, wasn't he?

Ew.

That was you, Milkman.

I saw the voice thing on your end.

That was creepy.

Where'd you learn to talk like that?

I don't know.

You had that in you.

You're like...

He's going, that was fun.

All right.

Well, good one, IG.

Thanks for sitting...

Yeah.

All right, Milkman.

Kind of a slow show today, but we're doing our best.

Hey, we got a number in India.

We got a number in India

This is a cell phone number in India

For a person named Ashok Purdy

Ashok says

Hi, I'm waiting for good chance

Make friendship with me

And you will know about myself

Okay

Sounds good

This is a guy in India

Let's see if I can get this to work

I don't think we ever prank called India before

Kind of excited about this one

We have, uh, not, it's not one we, we frequent, that's for sure.

We should call Nigeria sometime.

Where?

Nigeria.

That'd be awesome.

Yeah, I think so.

I couldn't.

You know what, I, you know what I...

Oh, Connect.

We'll try one more time.

This might be a short show tonight.

I'm feeling kind of tired.

That was like a sonnet for you two over there, milkman at work.

People got.

No answer from the Indian.

That might, that might have been fun.

Oh, well.

Famous Randy Newman.

I guess so.

Yep.

You know, you know who Randy Newman is, right?

He sang that famous song?

No.

some people got short

I kept Milkman up

IG69

how are you

what's up

you remember that one

no I don't

Milkman

it was like the 80s dude

back in like school days

Milkman

I've got one of our

newest listeners on the line

IG69

he's a big fan of yours

hey Milkman

what's up what's up

what's up man

hey you said 1969

that's him

that's when he was born

yeah

dude that's a fucking

great year man

so you're like

you're like from

from some of the

old people

no

yeah

Yeah.

He sounds like it.

He doesn't sound a day older than that black kid we just talked to.

Where's he from?

New York.

New York?

Yeah.

From Brooklyn.

What do you do in New York, bro?

Talk to me.

I go to school.

He goes to school.

He's a kid.

He goes to school.

Oh, you're a high school guy.

Yeah.

How old?

What grade are you in?

Nine.

Oh, he's a freshman.

Nine?

You told all your friends about our crazy show here?

Yeah, I try to, but...

Hey, you know what?

You tell them if they can't deal with it, man, that they're just ain't cool.

Yeah.

They're not cool.

If you want to be one of us and get in our crew, you've got to come and join the show.

You've got to take your beatings.

Yeah, if anybody knows what's cool, it's Milkman.

Listen to him.

Boy, oh boy.

He's not even cool for an 80-year-old or a 50-year-old or wherever old he is.

All right.

Well, you're having a good week in IG69, I trust.

I hope and pray.

Yeah, that's good.

How'd that job go?

The job.

What job?

The one you said you could get after the last one.

Stop interview.

Nothing.

No, I haven't heard nothing yet.

Yeah, no, I guess it's, well, the luxury was just yesterday, wasn't it, or the day before,

something like that?

No.

Tuesday.

Well, excuse me.

No, nothing, I haven't heard nothing, I'm not too concerned, because I have to have

another eye surgery, I just found out, so.

I'm not pushing it.

I'm not going to push it, so, because I'm probably going to need some time off, even

if I get a job, so, yeah, yeah.

Ah, whatever.

1969.

Yeah.

That's your name?

IG69.

Oh, man.

IG69.

Okay, man, I want you to do a big favor here.

Here, hermano.

Got him turned on, okay?

I'm going to turn him on.

I-G-69, you got to tell Carly, don't tell us.

I-G-69, I love the madhouse.

Okay.

This is I-G-69, and I love the madhouse.

Wait a minute, count.

Three.

This is I-G-69, and I love the madhouse.

Hey, bear!

Good deal.

Thank you, Milkman, because he's a celebrity.

A lot, nurse.

Sounds good.

We're calling Big Teresa.

You're welcome, Milkman.

Milkman's having a good old time tonight.

I'm sorry, but the person you called has a voicemail box

that has not been set up yet.

What a bitch.

Anyway.

Goodbye.

See you.

Bye.

IG69,

you've been following

this whole Penn State thing.

How do you feel

being a youth yourself?

I know what it's about,

but I don't really know

what it's about.

All right.

Good to know.

Well, there you go.

Well, you know what to do

if a guy comes to touch you.

You know, you tell him no.

Say no.

And scream and blow

my rape whistle.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah, you don't...

If he has a bag of candy

and he says,

reach in here in my pocket

and get it,

That's probably not a good thing to do.

Well, something you might want to learn when you finally go on a date with a girl, you know,

and you buy a popcorn, you put a hole in the bottom of the popcorn thing.

I'm sure you can figure it out from there.

You figure it out from there, she gets a nice little surprise.

When you're in high school, you got to get them like you can.

Do what you can.

Welcome to Orange Answer Phone.

I'm sorry, but the person you...

UK Tag, what's going on?

Hey, Carlito, how's it going, guys?

I'm good, how are you?

Hey, Carlito, did you get my number that I sent in the requester prank?

did you send a request to prank let me see here i don't know let me see someone sent one in without

a name i don't know who it was from taste in new orleans and they just tried to call that one i

didn't pick up uh uk ted well i'm looking for that one uk ted you sent me two women during the week

but i don't know who they are i sent them just today actually just today was it it might have

been today it was before the show started or something yeah that's the psychic woman who

talks aside do you know you have names on those people so i know who i'm asking for when i call

Yeah, I do, but you need to know.

Well, one of them, I gave you her website.

It's got her name on it.

Oh, well, there you go.

I guess I should have read the time frame.

The website link is in the request description.

Okay.

All right, well, I'll work on that.

Milkman's here.

Say hi to Milkman.

Milkman, this is UK Ted.

He's the British version of Ted Webb.

Hey, Milkman.

Hey, UK Ted.

What's happening, man?

How you doing, brother?

I'm good.

I'm going to come to Florida sometime soon and ride in your taxi.

I think it'll be fun.

Oh, yeah, man.

Man, I have all kinds of Irish people in here.

We got plenty of room, man.

We got room for you.

You know what?

Bring Nunu with you because we're going to have to have him back here.

The old folks pension is on, you know.

He's been out for quite a while.

Milkman's not in Orlando.

Milkman, you're in California.

He's in a way different part of the country.

I know you probably don't understand.

Yeah.

We're about 2,500 miles apart.

There's a Disney in California, yeah, but you said you're in Florida.

Florida.

Disney is not

bigger than the

one in Florida,

which is Disney,

well, yours is

Disney World,

this is Disneyland

here.

Yeah, Disney World.

Yeah, that's my

old hometown,

Orlando.

I moved away

from there,

but I lived in

right outside of

Disney World

before, which is

the world.

I have actually

visited Orlando.

It's an interesting

place.

Yeah, it is.

If you like mini

golf, it's the

place to go.

Oh my God, so

much mini golf

there.

Yep, yep.

I really like

mini golf.

Yep, mini golf,

Golf, man, I'm telling you.

The Disney mini-golf is actually kind of fun.

Dude, I was, you know, I was a...

Goofy golf?

What's goofy golf?

Is that when you get really high and then play golf?

Regular golf?

That'd be fun.

Yeah, man.

Goofy golf.

Mini-golf.

Where the hell you want to come from?

So when you take, you drop LSD and you play regular golf on the golf course and piss everybody

off?

No, what actually, what my unique thing was, instead of like using these like high-tech

golf clubs, I used a croquet mallet.

Oh, okay.

And it works really, really good.

Sounds good.

So you've got a superior amount of swing once you get that thing in motion.

The technique for croquet is completely different to golf.

I don't know.

I don't have a good stat for that.

I always prefer to use a sledgehammer.

There you go.

I tried watching croquet, and it's like, I don't get it.

There's a bunch of sticks in the ground, and the guy's trying to pitch,

and he's way back and winding and running at the same time

and throwing the ball.

I got one, and maybe our friend here, UK Tech, can fill us in.

What the hell is the deal with cricket?

What the hell is that shit, man?

Is that kind of like copy of a ball?

What is that?

No, basically it's called cricket.

I was confusing it with cricket.

I was doing that.

Actually, that wasn't on purpose.

I actually did confuse the two for a second there,

girl K and cricket.

That's what I'm saying.

Cricket, there's a pitch, you know,

isn't that where you play it on?

and I just said, the rules baffle me.

It doesn't make any sense.

The guy's running back and forth.

The guy runs back and forth.

I guess, I mean, I'm guessing to you, you know,

like baseball doesn't make a lot of sense.

It probably looks really stupid.

Actually, I used to play baseball.

I've never played cricket.

I played a lot of baseball.

Oh, really?

I didn't know they played baseball in the UK.

All right, well, hey, let's do some more pranks

and we'll talk about baseball later.

Baseball's over.

It's a prank show, isn't it?

It is.

Yeah, Dirty Aaron sent in a number for an ad on Craigslist

for a ham radio tower.

Milkman, that's right up your alley.

Hey, cool, dude.

Breaker Baker 69.

I'll mute myself.

You do that.

Muting.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Couldn't get to it in time.

All right, that didn't work out.

That didn't pull off.

I will refresh, and I'll look now for IG69's number.

There it is.

I see it now.

Oh, boy.

Is this the 7-Eleven by your house again that you decided we shouldn't call?

So, are our listeners still on there?

Are they still on the line?

How are they joining us?

What, Milpin?

Are our listeners still on the line?

Oh, I don't know how they're joining us, right?

They're on Skype.

Skype, Skype.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, they're on Skype.

That's a guy.

That's pretty good, actually.

All right, this guy's trying to sell a one terabyte portable hard drive on Craigslist for $250.

Wow.

Okay.

Filled for DJ Silverwick's songs.

Call and tell him you don't want his shitty music.

Just a hard drive for $240.

Also, can I stay on the line for this, please?

Yes, you can.

I'll stay on the line for this.

Good.

Yes, you can.

You have to have an MS-DOS hard drive, though.

You have to find out for sure if it's MS-DOS compatible.

edible. Let me mention, Milkman, did you hear about

the price of hard drives is going up

because of the flooding in Taiwan, or

Thailand? Taiwan or Thailand?

A lot of flooding in one of those two? And Japan, too.

And Japan, too. The prices have gone up, too.

Same reason. Yeah, well, no,

because I guess the majority of hard drives

are made in Thailand, Taiwan,

whichever one of the two it is, and...

Well, I've seen people still make

stuff, you know, right there in Fukushima

area, too, you know. Oh. So a lot

of the radios and high-tech

radios and all that stuff are very

Well, apparently the stocks of hard drives is going to go down dramatically here in the next coming months,

and there's going to be a whole run on them, and the prices are expected to go up.

They're already going up, I hear. I heard they're already going up, so...

So get to your Fry's and your Walmart quickly, kid.

Fry's. I think I've got Fry's on the line.

You've got to remember, Seagate's...

The number you have dialed is not in service at this time.

What?

Please hang up and try again.

I'll try it again.

I'll hang up and try it again.

That's what she said to try.

The number you have dialed is not in service at this time.

Damn it.

Oh, man.

I don't know, IG.

I don't know, Iggy.

Hey, did I tell you that I've lost 45 pounds now since I've been dialing?

No.

No, how'd you do that, notepad and chair?

I've lost over six inches, man.

Nice.

I had to get rid of my old belt.

I had my old belt, I thought.

Yeah, it's going to be an animal.

Because the other one, I was in this one,

so I got one that was a little bit longer for my new gird.

And the pants that I'm wearing are used straight now.

I can't even hold them on without the knee.

UK Ted has a question for you.

I don't know exactly where this is going.

Please ask it, UK Ted.

I needed to know if you have the name written on the back of your belt.

Yeah.

Yeah, actually, actually, you know what it says back here?

It says Andy.

What's that you posted the new the the right number check the uh skype i am uh that's a good

number okay good got it got it you missed a digit there probably or something like that all right

okay no problem let me try it again that was good uk ted thank you you made me laugh just shows how

how long I've been listening to this show.

I know, that's too funny.

He went right for that.

Yeah, hi, you have the TeraBrite hard drive

with the music on it?

Yeah, I do.

You DJ?

Yeah, I do.

Okay, cool.

What kind of music is on there?

Well, I mean, I have a lot of stuff,

and basically the drive isn't pre-made.

It's based on what genres you're interested in purchasing,

and to fill up a one-terabyte portable hard drive,

for $250, and that'll be about a quarter of a million songs on there.

And all of them are encoded between 192 and 320 bitrate.

Everything is organized by genre.

That's how I have it separated into folders.

Okay.

So if you want to tell me specifically what genres you want,

I have about 10 terabytes of music to choose from out of my collection.

Okay.

All right.

I've got songs that I would like for you to put on there.

Well, I'm not going to do it by the song.

It would definitely be by the genre.

So if you want, for instance, hip-hop, I'll go by that.

Okay, listen.

The Doors.

So you want 70s rock.

The Doors, Strange Days.

The Doors, Spanish Caravan.

The Doors, The Unknown Soldier.

The Doors, Moonlight Drive.

The Doors, Summertime.

The Doors, Medley.

the doors crawling king snake

the doors who do you love

hello

was it a she

yeah I think so

your call has been forwarded

to an automatic voice message system

is not available

please record your message

when you have finished recording

you may hang up or press 1 for more options

the doors who do you love

the doors the end

the doors the crystal ship the doors when the music's over the doors alabama song the doors

when the music's over the doors close to you the doors people get ready the doors who do you love

the doors petition the lord poem the doors touch me the doors i'm a king b the doors unhappy girl

the doors rock me baby heartbreak hotel the doors love her madly the doors soul kitchen the doors

break on through the doors alabama song the doors end of the night the doors break on through the

way i said that one the doors take it as it comes the doors soul kitchen the doors love street

what about the doors gloria gloria yeah no uh the doors come on baby light my fire if you are

satisfied with your message press one to listen to send your message with normal delivery press

S1, thank you. Your message has been sent. Goodbye.

Girlfriend never number.

I hope she gets that message.

Damn.

I probably should have taken that another angle.

But again, something we can save.

Yeah, I don't know the legality about that.

And seriously, who would pay that much money just because she's loaning it up with money?

With music, anyway. That's a lot of money for that.

But all that's illegal, dude. You cannot sell your MP3 file.

I know you can't.

She's going to fill them up, depending on a whole terabyte full of music.

She has to have paid for all that music.

If she doesn't have that, that's illegal, bro.

Yeah, but how stupid can you be not to be able to just...

That's a lot of money.

She's like, what's a terabyte...

Notwithstanding the whole problem with the hard drive shortage now.

I mean, I bought a terabyte and a half external hard drive last year

for, I think it was like 90 bucks.

Didn't she say it was like three quarters of a million songs?

Yeah, well, that makes sense.

I mean, to be fair, I mean, if I had that much music on my hard drive, it probably would have taken me a year or so to build it up.

Yeah, because, man, I've been collecting every single MP3 that I've downloaded since Napster first came out.

And I think I'm at about 200 gigs right now, I think.

And I got a lot of music.

Like, it won't fit in an iPod Classic anymore.

Yeah, but ours are larger file sizes, so that takes up a lot of room.

She's got 192k, wasn't it?

That's up to the guy.

192 and what else was the other rate she had?

I think she had 230, yeah.

Yeah, so those are all huge files.

Those are all mini-meg files.

Yeah, it's high-quality MP3s.

Yeah, so like a three-minute song is probably going to be anywhere from 6 to 12 megs.

You got a point.

She's getting high-quality.

She's not just grabbing crappy quality MP3s.

She's grabbing high-quality ones, then.

Well, what the problem is is you don't know where she sourced them from.

You know, were they MP3 high-quality from a player?

You don't know what the hell you're getting.

Yeah, you're right.

You got a point there, too.

That's right.

Yeah.

I mean, we could make a 160 file, you know, with our own 128, with our own stream.

We could make a 128 file, and as you talk into the neighbor's cordless phone, it sounds like shit.

It sounds like shit, yeah.

Yeah, I could record this show in 240 kbps.

It wouldn't be that good. It wouldn't sound that good.

It's all phone talk and stuff.

Your audio quality is not good to start with.

So that's another thing to be thinking about.

Well, because you're on the phone.

She is selling music, and you can't sell music without getting somebody to write.

Right.

So a quarter million song, let's just say, in at 50 cents.

250 million at 50 cents.

That's 125 million bucks, kid.

Right.

All right.

Can.

50 cents a song.

Listen, Milkman.

Easy there, Tiger.

I'm kidding.

Can send a request that's making me laugh.

Ken says Golden Corral.

I didn't know Golden Corral was advertising this.

They got a new chocolate waterfall at their buffets,

which you can put strawberries and other things into it.

Oh, I love Golden Corral.

That's a good place, man.

Golden Corral, yeah.

But the commercial says you can put anything in it.

So Ken wants me to call and ask if I can put my penis in it

because his wife has a chocolate addiction.

I don't think it's going to go very far,

but I think we can give it a try.

I've been wrong in the past.

I just think that'd be a funny thing to ask, nice and quick.

It can't be any worse than the rest of the show.

That's what they have, white chocolate fountains for the brothers, too.

Yeah, because you can't see it on my phone.

Hey, Carlito, can I try that after you?

Yes.

Yes, hello, this is the Golden Corral.

Yes, please.

And I understand you have a chocolate waterfall now that you can put anything into?

Yes, we do.

Anything that's there on the menu?

Well, not necessarily anything.

We have things around the chocolate fountain that you can put in,

like we have macaroons, marshmallows, pineapples, strawberries, ice cream, if you want.

But other things, let's say, like from the salad bar, like you have grapes.

I know.

I can put a grape in there.

Some grapes, would that be okay?

Yeah.

And pineapple slices and stuff?

Okay, now what about certain meats, like chicken?

I don't.

Well, I mean, if I eat it, as long as I eat it, I think it's okay.

Let me ask.

Okay.

Ask if you can put children in it.

Sure is it.

It's room temperature.

We have one of these.

You wouldn't want to.

We have one of these.

You wouldn't want to call anything.

Hello?

Oh, it's only what we provide in front of the.

Does it come out hot at all, or is it room temperature?

It's room temperature.

So it's not going to be hot, or it won't burn my skin if I put my skin in it?

No, it's not going to burn your skin, sir.

Okay, because I was thinking, my wife has a chocolate addiction, so I thought we would enjoy this.

Okay.

I'm thinking, you know, towards the end of the night, it gets a little slower,

then maybe I pull down my pants and put my penis in it.

Big tips.

She's gone.

But we had one of these in my wedding reception.

I didn't get to see it, though.

But everyone would say, oh, did you see the chocolate fondue fountain?

I missed it, assholes.

I hope you enjoyed it.

Hey, can I try that one more?

Yes, you can.

I will connect you right now, sir.

All right.

How can I help you?

Hi.

I heard you had this new chocolate fountain there.

We do.

I'm being locked up in the basement right now.

That's what I mean.

You can pour some down.

Pour some down the drain pipe for me.

There she goes.

What the hell?

You cracked me up.

You did this last week, too. You tried to do a prank

and you started laughing.

You're getting there. At some point, you will learn

that you can't laugh at your own pranks.

Andy had that problem.

Yeah, you've got to

stay straight whenever you're doing the call.

You have to laugh after.

The former co-host of the show, Andy, whenever we would do pranks,

even before the show, when we were just in high school,

I would get mad at him

because we would do being prank calls

and he would get on the other line.

When IG starts laughing, I start laughing.

I know. It's hard not to laugh.

It's funny. It's a fun time.

Oh, Carlito, I did some cactus calls to a radio station.

Oh, good. Did you record them?

Yeah. Did you record them?

Yeah.

All right.

I got them here. I'll play them over the phone.

Okay. Let's hear that.

Okay. One minute.

This is the kind of audio quality you'd expect on that hard drive, by the way.

Yeah.

You'd expect on that hard drive, by the way.

Yeah.

Expect on that hard drive, by the way.

Ah!

Oh, sorry.

My bad.

What's that?

Okay.

Classic radio.

You gotta turn it up.

Can't hear it

Kinda

Yeah

The first one

I heard okay

The second one

It was just way too

You know

Way too far away

But you know

Maybe send those in

Maybe email them in

You know

I can play them

That'd be something

There you go

Well good

Good

The first one was funny though

He got upset

Yeah we always have

New callers

And fans of the show

And if they're good enough

We'll send them in

We'll be glad to listen

You'd be surprised

Yeah some of our listeners

Are featured

Yep

Skagit

Who sent this in

Mikey129 is calling. We're going to connect

Mikey129 here. We've got another crowd

here again. Mikey129.

Good evening, Carly, though. I threw my

hat in there earlier at work.

Good. And listening to

basically

incoming calls, and I see the name

Corey come up, and

I'm just like,

You got to.

You got to. But then

I found out later on

in the forums, it was pointed out to me, it wasn't

Corey Insecurity. He was saying Aquarius

Security. And for the longest time, I thought

it was Quarry and Security. He really was saying

Aquarius and Security. I thought it was Quarry, too.

Yeah, I thought so, too, yeah.

Because when we'd ask him...

Yeah, but when I'd ask him, is this Quarry, he'd get all weird.

He wouldn't admit yes or no. He'd just say,

this is Security, you know, so I thought it was...

Oh, it's Quarry, it's Quarry.

First thing I saw the name after, I just had to do it.

Yeah, I have to.

I got loud, I banged the desk.

There you go. You got to.

Yeah, phew. You should have told him, too.

Yeah.

Ask him if he can curse.

Stuff like that.

All right.

Well, look, we got a...

You can hang on if you'd like.

We got Skagit Valley Food Co-op, a hippie health food store.

They might have advice for my diet.

Closes at 12 Eastern.

We got time, then.

Let's call it.

Excuse me.

Let's call him.

Man, it tastes like beans and garlic coming out when I burp and I fart.

Both ends right now.

Boy.

About time for a break.

Thanks for calling the food co-op.

Our hours are Monday through Saturday, 8 a.m. to 9 p.m., and Sunday from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m.

If you need to take a seat, you can press 0 anytime.

If you know your party's free to reach an extension, you can enter that at any time.

For a department listing, press 2.

For a staff listing, press 4.

For directions to the co-op, hold while I transfer you to the operator.

Saskatchewan Valley Fit Co-op, this is me.

Can I help you?

Yeah, hi. I was wondering if you had any, not necessarily literature, but even some advice for a brand-new vegetarian.

Yeah, we have lots of recipes and lots of, you know, different books up in Mercantile.

We have different pamphlets on, like, different ways to cook the things and the bulk food.

And, you know, vegetarians eat a lot of different protein sources.

Are you a vegetarian at all, or do you just work there?

or do you have any?

I was a vegetarian for about eight years.

Maybe.

So I have that background.

There's a lot of folks who work at the co-ops

who have different dietary, you know,

I started vegetarian this week,

and I just keep shaking today.

I don't know what that might mean.

Yeah, well, typically you've got to eat a lot more,

you know, fruits and veggies.

Are you vegan?

Or what, you've given up mostly animal meat?

I'm just eating your fruits right now, so far.

I had a piece of toast in the morning, and I had an apple for lunch, you know.

Well, yeah, your blood sugar's probably pretty low.

Well, I'm diabetic, too.

Yeah.

I was watching Dr. Oz was telling me on the TV, he's my doctor, and he was complaining,

he was saying that diabetics should go on a vegetarian diet.

diet you know we have um different classes here at the co-op that are free and one of them is with

a nutritionalist that might be what you know one way to get information about oh i have like a

headache i don't know if you can prescribe anything for that no i mean it oh you sound

like you probably just need to eat some food oh i started having chest pain i was working out

I was on a treadmill, and I started having chest pains.

Well, I mean, we're just a grocery store, so if you need medical help, you probably should get medical help.

I think if I just eat something, I'll be better, though.

You know how when you start a vegetarian diet, all of a sudden you get a pain in your jaw and your left arm on the left side?

No, I didn't experience that.

And it feels like there's an elephant sitting on my chest.

I'm getting that right now.

I think this happens when you start a vegetarian diet.

Those are ringing in my ears.

I think you might consider calling a medical.

If you're not feeling well, then you probably should consider getting some medical help.

It's outside of the realm of what a grocery store could help you with.

Well, if I could come there, do you think maybe I could get someone to eat?

Do you have any recommendations for chest pains?

You know, we can't give any kind of medical advice.

Do you have vitamins there?

We do.

We sell vitamins.

Do you have Citramax?

No, we don't have that one.

Oh.

I lost a vision in my right eye for a while.

Sir, I'm going to have to get off the phone.

I think you should consider calling someone to help you, though.

Okay.

All right.

Take care.

All right.

That's not nice.

That's stupid.

Who disconnected?

Milkman disconnected?

I think so.

Oh, damn it.

It was nice of him to be so concerning.

Carlito, can we call back?

and I can pretend to be her son.

Our hours are Monday through Saturday,

8 a.m. to 9 p.m.

Please hold while I transfer you to the operator.

This is Lisa. How can I help you?

Who do you think you are?

You were telling my father before.

Hello?

Sorry.

You were on the phone before my father

telling him all sorts of stuff.

I eat these bad foods.

She's laughing too much.

I'm going to cry.

Oh, boy.

Oh, sorry.

It was a nice try.

A nice try.

You cracked yourself up too much.

You need to go through some sadness in your life, I think.

That might be what you need.

Lose that sense of humor of yours.

Nini really wants us to call feminists.

I want to take a break.

Please enjoy the following music while your party is being reached.

I want to take a break.

Take a shit.

What happened?

I got lost here for a second.

That's good.

Thank God.

Okay, I'm going to go ahead and mute then.

Did you hit the phone with your big lips?

Yes, sir.

All right.

Okay, well, John Denver, I thought he was dead.

But he wants us to call and harass Brad Carter.

Okay.

Alright, let's do that.

Let's see if he picks up.

I don't know.

I don't even know if RBCP's online.

But, you know.

Yeah.

We'll see.

Yeah, he says he is.

Nudu really wants us to call the feminists.

I'm going to take a break first.

We will.

I would love to call some feminists.

I bet you would.

Do you do conferences there at all?

In your show?

In your hotel?

Yeah.

I got to go as a guest.

I

from RBCP.

I don't think.

I think that was his voicemail I picked up.

Well, sorry, John Denver.

Goofy, can you allow me in the chat?

You are in the chat, Goofy.

what do you mean in the chat i'm talking about can i see your text trevor yes i can see your

text trevor thank you trevor trevor from the yard uh so yeah getting off to a slow start in the show

today we got lots of numbers here from new news still including some feminists lonesome loser has

made it that's good news as always lonesome loser you know it's break time i usually eat a sandwich

during the break time and i don't know what i'm gonna eat i'm not allowed to this week oh uh can

you play one of my calls during the break cheese sandwich uh one of your calls either did you send

them i'll email with you what's your which one should i send it to uh madhouse radio at gmail.com

that'll work you're hungry carlito i can order you some pizzas yeah please yeah i'm sure i don't

make it here post haste that's fine liver and onions i'm not paying for them you're not paying

for them all right well order them for me thanks the nice very nice of you ah all right i am taking

all my money to prank the uk that's right you got a point i should have no money left now yeah

you got a point yeah you know i should i should be ordering you pizzas with that money now

Are you asking for a refund? Is that what's going on here?

No, I just want you to prank the UK.

Ah, okay.

Well, let's call in our new news numbers and I'm going to take a break.

Okay.

He doesn't get mad.

Here's a list of feminists with rooms at the hotel for their conference.

This isn't my hotel, is it?

No, no, no. This is in the United States.

You are not US Ted, you are UK Ted.

That's right.

Be from the front desk.

Okay.

okay so what am i doing here am i calling the hotel yes i am okay you know what i'm gonna take

a break first because for that i gotta set it up i just want to take a break all right guys

just leave me alone leave me alone when we come back uh calls the feminists yeah we'll do that

that's on deck here um your request to pranks send them over at madhouse live.com madhouse

radio and aol and yahoo inset messenger madhouse radio aol yahoo inset messenger msn messenger

And a whole bunch of my other stuff.

I don't know.

Doing stuff.

Send that email there, IG.

If I can't get to it during the break, then I'll get to it during the show.

Second half.

I'll be back in about five minutes, everybody.

Thank you for tuning in.

Just a moment.

See you, guys.

Back right after this.

Don't tell me 3,000 people are coming here.

House Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

That's not it.

Bullshit.

I am back.

It's the House Radio with Mr. Ha, himself, Milkman, UKTUD, and IG69.

Hey, everybody.

Good evening, folks.

Second half of the show is starting.

We'll see how long it goes.

MadhouseScibe.com is the website.

Right.

Thank you, everybody, who's tuning in tonight.

Hanging in there.

We just hit 100.

Well, now we went down to 99.

Well, good.

But we're still doing good tonight.

As far as listeners are concerned, thanks to all you hanging in there.

I mean, there are 100 people listening to the things we're saying.

99 listeners.

I don't know how many uniques that is, but 99 tune-in people tuned in.

I think we have to be a bit more careful.

We can handle a maximum capacity of 225, so we haven't even hit half capacity yet.

That's my goal one day is to reach that.

Fucking beer.

I don't know about you in the UK, Ted.

Well, you guys celebrate tomorrow, right?

Armistice Day, do they celebrate that in the UK?

We call it Veterans Day here.

Yeah, yeah.

We all wear poppies on our lapels.

Woo!

All right.

And it's also 11-11-11 tomorrow, isn't it?

What's that?

It's 11-11-11 tomorrow.

And it's 11 minutes past 11.

Yes.

You have all the ones on your clock.

You know, celebrate that.

Oh, yeah.

It's going to be 1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1.

That's right.

And about four minutes is going to be 11-11-11.

And that reminds me, a certain somebody is supposed to return on 11-11-11.

I'm not supposed to say who it is.

because it would take away from something let me see let me see that certain somebody actually did

come back hang on let me i'm curious anybody in the chairman can name who i'm talking about

old star no blackout said it was returning to the air i don't know if a lot of you remember

who blackout is but he said he was making his b.o blackout said it was going to return to

internet radio on 11 11 i don't know if he ever did or not wow and the impact that the world has

for family change

at this date

declaration?

Probably not,

to be honest with you.

I don't think

anybody's...

It might have a little

more smell here

from the BL, but...

The UK Ted,

IG-69,

you got any clue

who Blackout is?

Not at all.

You see?

You see what I mean?

There's a British

donk music scene

called Blackout Crew.

They're a bunch of idiots.

No, no, not them.

Okay, so this is it.

Okay, well,

I want to like to do

a quick brief

interview here,

like,

find out about us

GK10, how long have you been linked to?

How many friends or enemies have you

invited? Uh, I reckon

I don't know, maybe a year or so,

maybe a bit less, to Madhouse

specifically. How'd you find out about us?

Well, I was just, uh,

you know, I found out about the PLA first, and then

I found out that you guys were broadcasting

live on Thursday nights, and

I happen to work Thursday nights, so I thought

I'd tune in while I've got nothing better to do.

Nice. Nice. IG69,

I think... Did you get a lot of friends that you invited, or just

you, a friend, old lady?

Boyfriend, girlfriend

Yeah, one friend who listens occasionally

A shout out to Will, I suppose

But no one else I know really is awake at this time

Yeah, it is really late

Wait, UK Ted, I got a question for you, okay?

On the count, I'm gonna count down three, two, one

I want you to do me a favor here for the show

Like you just say, this is UK Ted and I love the man, okay?

Say it with joy, my man, my mate

I'm gonna give you a countdown

Three, two, one, and roll

So this is UK Ted, and I'm quite fond of the Madhouse.

Quite fond.

All right.

We're quite fond of UK and Ted at the UK.

Thank you.

I love that big kid at first.

This is Sean Conroy, and you're listening to www.blackout.com.

Come and join me.

Well, his website says he comes back on Sunday.

That was his audio there that was playing.

So I guess tune in to Blackout on Sunday.

I guess he'll be on on Sunday.

He sure does.

Don't worry, deodorant.

Blackout.com is the website

He's a prank caller

I don't think he's going to do prank calls anymore

He's Mr. I'm too good for prank calls

He sold out like Sean Ward

There's no such thing as being too good for prank calls

IG-69

Speaking of which, IG-69, you sent in a prank call

Let's play that

Now which of these is better, IG-69

Chinese, rat food, or calls to aerial view

Well, aerial view is what you didn't hear before

It's what you heard

But it was too dirty to hear

Okay, alright. So, Chinese rat food. Let's play that first then.

It's not that good, but...

To me again. You are in such trouble. You are in such trouble now that I found out what's been going on over there.

What?

I found out what's been going on over there.

My wife came in and told me that she was eating there yesterday and that there was a rat and that you were holding the rat in your hand while it was living and cutting it up and putting it into the pork fried rice.

Is this true?

I don't know. Can you hold on one second? I don't know.

yes they're actually in the background talking in chinese for like 10 minutes

oh okay hello but it's as the lady i was speaking to before excuse me yeah um so uh my wife was in

there and she told me that you were cutting rats alive and putting in the food i just want to let

you know that you're gonna be in trouble my son is allergic to rats what kind of food your son

loses pork fried my son is allergic to rats but allegedly my wife saw you putting a dead rat in

and it's pork fried rice, cutting it up, the tail, as pork.

Is this true or not?

So it's not true.

So my wife's lying?

I don't know.

Can you talk to other girl?

Sure.

Of course.

That's what her wife said.

Hello?

I'm here.

Yeah, my wife was in there the other day,

and she said that she saw you cutting up a rat's tail

and putting it in the pork fried rice.

What kind of tail put in the pork fried rice?

Yes, that's what she said.

I don't know.

We don't, we will not put anything in the virus.

So, um, are you saying that it did happen or it didn't?

I don't know because my English is not that good at times.

I can tell you.

Do you know who was working there last Thursday night?

Thursday night?

Yeah.

You said yesterday.

No, Thursday, not yesterday.

I said Thursday.

Thursday night?

Yeah, do you know who was working there?

Oh, what day of today?

Oh, who was working there?

No, Thursday.

Who is working on...

Thursday, I'm not here, so...

Do you know who works there on Thursday, though?

On Thursday.

On Thursday, who works there?

Can you call back tomorrow?

No, no, no.

Who works there on Thursday?

Thursday, I'm not, so I just only working one day in here.

Oh, okay.

But anyway, so you're saying that nobody put a rat's tail on the pork fried rice?

Can you call back on Thursday, because now it's busy, customers coming in.

Okay, um, actually, um, you know, because I think my wife's lying now because of you.

If you don't tell me that a rat was in my food

I'm going to beat my wife

I don't know you

Now I'm busy, I can't talk to you

I can't talk to you either now, I'm going to go beat my wife, bye

I'm going to go beat my wife now

And if the cops come and say you beat her, okay

You beat my wife, you're the one who did it

That was a terrible one, sorry

That's okay, bye

That was quite good, guys

I don't want to interrupt anyone, but my friend Will is listening live now

For the first time, so I just want to give him a shout out

Shout out to Will

Will. Hi, Will.

Carlito. Prank caller.

What's happening? We are...

A lot of Wills listen to this show.

Hey, who else we got in our

room there in our local...

Well, let me see.

Who do we have here?

Mike, you 129 still on Skype?

No, he dropped from Skype.

But, you know,

MPSA Cobra, Sean Orcal

is there, IG69 is here

and there. We have a guest.

Guest47913, my favorite

favorite listener doc brown from back to the future from hill valley california is there

dirty aaron is green he's in there big daryl's in there from the office uh william uk ted big tug

tabachi fellow pennsylvanian stay high or stahi irc or is this in our sky irc okay royale with

cheese you know that's what they call the quarter pounder with cheese in france rbcp is in there

pure evil legend big legend nice guy how about amd no no amd corrupt corruption holiday herbal

bacon fridge uh the fridge bulb is in there um fridge well i hope you've converted over to

candida non-candescent lighting now um fluorescent you know uh new new lonesome

loser sitting in numbers for the first time tonight kokanee dark strangler and i

We have such a diverse

walks of life are included here.

We love y'all. Our dear

beloved listeners.

What do you mean a diverse crew? This is a sausage fest.

This is a sausage fest.

Dark Stranger is the only woman.

Did Myra leave? Myra was in there earlier.

She's abroad. She's got boobs.

She didn't leave.

We had two women. Now all we got is

Dark Stranger left.

That's the problem. I'm not in the chat room

to KLXDP's boys' faith

that want to torment the freer women

that we actually get,

the bravest, come in and join us.

Right.

Well, hey, listen, guys,

just wanted to say...

Be nice to the girls.

Nunu, I wanted to mention,

if you can do me a favor, man,

I want to call the feminists,

but you sent me a page where they all posted,

hello, my name is Blah,

and I need help, you know, filling up a room,

but I don't have time to go through that

because most of them are saying there are other hotels

and not the one that you gave me.

They're saying they're staying at the Marriott down the street and stuff like that.

So since you have time, since you're not hosting a show,

if you can go in there and give me at least one or two people.

Summarize.

Yeah.

Summarize.

Give us the details of the best week you got out of it.

If you can find a first and last name for someone who's staying at that hotel there in question,

then that'll help me out.

I thought we were going to be pranking Russia.

If anybody could do it, Sir Nunu could pull that off.

That'll probably be next week we'll call Russia here,

because Lonesome Loser wasn't prepared for that.

I want to do that next week's show.

We're going to call Russia.

That was the winner on the poll.

Russia won, followed by Iran.

Maybe we'll call both Iran and Russia next week.

Did you get my useful phrases in Russia?

Yes, I did.

Yes, and someone else.

Who sent in the video for vice.com?

It's a site that I visit every once in a while.

Someone sent that in.

I forgot who.

But, man, there's some weird drug they're doing out there called Crocodile out in Russia.

Holy crap.

Crocodile, yeah.

Oh, my God.

It's some kind of...

They're injecting themselves with these eye drops that eat you from the inside out.

Wow.

God, it's the most they should...

That's a hell of a buzz there.

It sounds worse than eating fast food.

It's worse than that movie, yeah.

Supersize me.

Okay.

Let's give a call here to the Greek corner.

Well, Nunu's...

What did Nunu say?

Kimberly Dark is at the hotel.

Okay, fine.

Kimberly Dark.

There you go.

That's what I needed, Nunu.

I told you you could do it.

It is what it is.

What should we call it?

I'm going to ask.

This is Kimberly. I need to speak to Kimberly Dark, and they're going to say, oh.

Uh-oh, it's calling Charlie already.

Oh, yeah.

I didn't mean for that. Too late. Oops.

Charlie.

What is it?

This is Cross. How are you, buddy?

What is it?

It's Cross. From the beginning, I just wanted to say, chingale to my lad.

Fuck you, son of a bitch.

Exactly.

Fuck you.

Exactly.

Are you Mandarin or Chinese?

You've probably gotten it.

You've gotten it up already.

I was going to ask if it was Mandarin or Cantonese.

Oh, my. I asked my friends. I played them the call. They're Chinese.

And they said that he's Mandarin.

He's Mandarin.

Perfect.

Thank you so much.

Yes, now we know.

I need to find some insults in Mandarin now.

That's good.

He hung right up, but he did say he did squeeze that one in.

Good.

Well, we checked in with Charlie, as usual.

Good deal.

This is Tisa speaking.

How may I assist you?

Hey, big girl.

I need to speak with Kim.

She should be a guest there in one of the rooms.

Last name is...

I'd like to connect you one moment.

Oh, yes.

You belong.

We know...

Hello?

Yes, is this Kimberly?

Kimberly.

Yes.

Kim, hi.

I'm calling from the front desk.

We have a complaint here.

It seems, I don't know, were you planning on using the pool facilities here at all

or someone you know used the pool facilities?

I'm sorry, say that again?

The pool facilities, the bathing facilities, you know?

Yes, what about them?

Did you use them?

Did I use them?

Yes, were you planning on using them?

No, why?

Well, because there's a complaint that you were in the pool

and that you made a mess in there.

You had an accident inside there.

And it costs a lot of money to sanitize the pool

We have to drain the pool

And have it sanitized now after what you did

I'm sorry who is this what are you talking about

I'm Ted I'm with the front desk

No I'm sleeping and I've not been in the pool

Okay well

I just want you to know we're going to be

Probably you know having a discussion with you tomorrow

And you'll probably be asked to leave the premises

We're going to allow you to sleep the rest of the night

But we don't appreciate this

The fact is there's bathrooms for people

Who need to use the bathroom

bathroom you don't use the bathroom inside the pool excuse me i'm just waking up and hearing what

you're saying that um yeah i've not i've not been in the pool at all so that's that's not um i don't

know i don't know um that's not me anybody's talking about well i can make we can make an

exception if i don't know if you were adult diapers or something like that but you defecated

inside the pool and that's not appreciated no good night i'm sorry i missed that one yeah sorry you

You did, too.

Teddy, anybody ever defecate?

Do you have a pool there in your hotel where you work at?

No, we don't, unfortunately.

We're on the beach.

There's no point.

Oh.

Well, we still have a pool.

I don't know.

I've been to a pool on the beach before.

You know, I take that back.

I've been to hotels that have pools, and they're on the beach.

And I'm like, this is fucking retarded.

It's like, this is so stupid.

And I don't.

But I went to the biggest indoor swimming pool in the world once,

and it's literally two meters away from a beach.

Oh, what a waste.

Really?

Really, that's crazy.

But one time I did understand it.

It was kind of cool on my honeymoon in Puerto Rico.

One of the hotels I stayed at had a pool.

One of those new pools that when you're inside the pool, it looks like it's a drop-off.

It looks like it's part of the ocean.

I don't know if you know what I'm talking about.

You see them in pictures sometimes.

Those are really cool.

Endless pools or whatever they're called.

I don't know.

They have an A for it.

Yeah, I don't know what they're called.

They got an A.

The thing, it's got this effect when you're in it.

And if you look out, it looks like you're looking out towards the ocean.

It looks like the pool is in the ocean.

It's kind of cool.

Yeah.

There you go.

Man, I can't wait to go on vacation again.

It's going to be fun.

That's cool.

Where do you go to vacation in the UK, Ted?

I understand you guys go to Greece and stuff.

Is that right?

France?

I haven't been on a vacation in a while.

Actually, the last place I went was Denver, of all places.

What the fuck?

You go skiing or something?

No, I was just visiting friends.

It was good fun, though.

I like Denver.

It's a nice city.

Yeah.

I hear good things about Denver.

Yes.

Really good bars.

That's what I hear.

I heard it's good people there.

It's a good time.

Yeah, it's a great place.

Excuse me.

Connect, please.

Oh.

I'm for the pillow top, the crisp linen, and even the pedal socks today.

Good evening.

Thank you for calling this.

This is Keisha speaking.

How may I assist you?

Yes, hello.

I'm looking for a...

It'll be my pleasure to connect you.

Okay.

Somewhere else.

Will Mack?

Hello?

Yes, is this Joy?

Joy?

Uh-huh.

Joy.

This is Ted.

I'm with the front desk.

Uh-huh.

We have a complaint here.

Here, one of the guests, member of the, I guess, a keynote speaker or something of that nature,

was in the pool and made a mess, and we're going to have to drain the pool and have it sanitized.

So we wanted to bring it to your attention.

Okay.

Her name is Ruth, and she defecated inside the pool.

Ruth?

This is Ted, and with the front desk.

She was using the pool, and she had a...

Is she okay?

Well, yeah, she's fine.

She had a bowel movement inside the pool, and she became very belligerent about it.

Or do you know who this person is?

Yes.

Well, I just want you to know that her keynote speech is now canceled.

There will be no keynote speech.

It already happened.

Well, then she's no longer allowed on the premises then.

Does she wear adult diapers or something like that?

Is that what happened?

I'm sorry, why are you talking to me about this?

We were told that you were the assistant director.

Okay, so apparently you're involved with MIF.

What?

I don't have all that information.

They said that you were the assistant director so that you were in charge of the women.

Are you trying to contact the conference organizer?

No, we had her specifically.

Ruth said to speak to Joy's assistant director because she had defecated inside the pool.

Okay.

I'm not sure why y'all would be calling me, but do I need to come down?

Yes, I'd like you to come down and clean this mess.

Who is this?

This is Ted with the front desk.

What's your real name?

Ted.

Edward.

What's your last name?

Ted Edwards.

Okay, thanks.

I'm not going too crazy.

You're more chauvinistic when you're talking to a feminist.

I know.

Well, I was about to tell her to come down the corner.

You've got to get out of the Uber map, you know, and take a snorkel.

It's not too crazy, Ted Edwards.

Wasn't there a senator, Ted Edwards, in Orlando?

Ted Richards.

There was a Ted Edwards.

There's a ski jumper called Eddie Edwards.

Eddie Edwards.

No, there was a politician named Ted Edwards, I thought.

Didn't he get into some trouble?

How about Ted Phillips?

No offense.

Ted Jones.

Jones! You can tell I'm looking at Ted's name

and Skyping in front of me. That's all I can say is Ted

and it says Edward on his picture. I'm like,

Ted Edwards.

Ted Phillips. My friend was Ted Phillips, man.

He was a spy. Mr. Phillips.

Is that one L or two? John Edwards.

What happened to John Edwards?

Did he get arrested? I know he was in a lot

of trouble, had the baby and all that.

Did he end up getting arrested and shit? I think he did.

I don't know. They haven't really

talked about him anymore because he's not really

viable for anything.

yeah the gossip mags were going crazy on him yeah absolutely you know what all we got to do

is direct glen paul he'll tell us sean hannity rush limbaugh yeah there you go there you go

it's on all the time glenn phillips

mikey went 29 she clogged the pool filter with a turkey turkey club subway sandwich

I wanted to play real quick here

Now we have another prank call from last week

Before that, Colin the Feminist

Reminds me of some pranks

That Zolar and I did a few years ago

To this same conference

Excuse me

It's just two prank calls

But they're pretty funny

I wanted to play them now

This is something that Milkman quotes all the time

This is called Feminine Products

products.

Because your stay for the time being has been acceptable, I understand you just checked

in today, up to your specifications as far as the cleanliness of the room.

Yeah.

I did want to report to you there's been an issue with the toilet, actually.

Well,

it has a tendency to flow over.

If it does,

you know we we're not responsible for it it's actually responsible on the person who's staying

in the room can you put toilet paper in i would not recommend putting any toilet paper or any

large bowel movements in the toilet ma'am okay it has are there are there hotel bathrooms other

than the ones in the room that you can use yes but you're actually not authorized all right

okay you can use the toilet in the lobby but if you do have to go in the middle line i just want

to reiterate if you make a mess in that room you will be the one who cleans the toilet you will

We'll clean the room.

Any damage to the carpet will come out of your deposit.

Uh-huh.

What I also will tell you, if you could just do a quick flush in the toilet right now,

maybe just to clean out the pipes real quick.

Okay.

And I'm going to monitor here on my end on the water table.

Let me know when, is there someone else there with you right now?

Yeah, uh-huh.

Okay, could you tell them to flush it real quick?

You let me know when they flush it.

Okay.

Flushing.

All right, I'm going to check it here on my end.

All right.

It looks like a strong flush.

Okay.

Go ahead and flush it again, please, if you could.

One more time, Mira.

Flush it again.

But it hasn't recovered yet.

Look at the toilet.

There's a little valve.

Hurry up and close it because it's going to overflow.

It's not...

Is it going to overflow?

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, God.

Hurry up.

It's not overflowing.

Hurry, hurry.

Hurry?

It's not overflowing.

It's going to...

No, it's...

Don't...

Flush it again.

We're flushing.

Flush?

There's something blocked in there.

Did you...

You guys are sure you didn't use the toilet at all?

No.

You didn't put any paper in there?

No.

Did you put any...

No.

We just...

I tell...

This is weird.

This is Valentin.

And this phone call is also being monitored by Hody.

I am the manager.

My name is Mr. Zola.

Most bizarre conversation.

So it turns out that, ma'am, if we have a room with some problem, if we don't, then we become responsible.

Yeah.

Once, in fact, we have them and you're aware of the problem, then, in fact, we don't have to worry about it being our, you know, like, negligent buddies, bodily fluids, women in our hotel.

It could be like, you know, all running your menstrual cycle at the same time.

According to this, it looks like there might be, did you folks perhaps flush down a feminine napkin like that?

There's a blockage between your room and...

There's a blockage. Okay, you...

We have a near, we have perfect system. We spare no expense here at the Millennium.

It's either, it's registered as a feminine napkin or half of a turkey sub from Subway.

Okay, hang on. There's nothing...

Let me try one more flush and try to clear it out. I mean...

Hi, Mrs.

This is hotel security and you're speaking with the concierge, Mr. Carlito.

My name is Mrs. Olar.

I'm the head of security here, and he is watching the water table.

There's a clog between your toilet and the next.

If you're in feminine napkins, this one time, because we didn't have an on-style being to just see it.

Like how you get your thrills?

Yeah, well, actually, I do use stunk.

You know, I have satisfied you.

You have relations with humans.

Do you have a lot of talk with men?

They were going to ask housekeeping.

What is it that you're looking for?

Some certain toiletry, actually.

Yes, it's a feminine product.

So you need to douche up the media?

No, just a product. A small box.

You mean some tampons?

Yes.

Why don't you buy the media then?

Block University.

The hell, Milkman? What's going on, Milkman?

He's getting carjacked.

He's getting carjacked!

By a woman.

Sucker, give me your money, motherfucker!

Keep driving!

Deal with him.

Oh, fuck his ass up.

They're gonna rape him like in a van.

It's the new, the new plug.

Welcome to the O2 messaging service.

Person you are calling is unable to take your call.

That didn't work

One of the numbers you sent me

UK Ted

The first one

Carlito

The 347 number I posted

Can you just call that to check

It's my phone's voicemail

I just have to reset it

I don't know if it's working

Can you just call that to check it

Are you pulling something on me

Alright

I'll call it

Sounds like a joke

But okay

It's your cell phone

You're trying to see if your voicemail is working

Haha

Yeah

Okay

Let's see

You're already laughing, I know it's a joke

Hang on, what the hell

I have no idea why that was playing

It says call failed, I don't know

You're telling me

The new thing, old man rape, that's right

And Artie's calling

Artie, what happened to you today

Forgot it was Thursday

Yeah, we're on the air now, do you want me to call you

Yeah, but I'm not going to keep you on here

On the speakerphone

Okay, alright, I'll call you, bye

Feels lightheaded

Uh-huh. All right. Feels light-headed.

That's what happens, everybody.

Let's call him.

Who are we calling?

Oh, I called.

Evil Artie.

I'm on.

Milkman.

Hey.

Evil Artie.

Nothing. Hang on, Artie. Be quiet for a second.

Milkman, you have the floor. What's going on?

Yeah, I said...

What works at the gas station?

Well, it's negative, Milkman. That was not me.

I yield to the man with the, uh, whatever.

Yep.

It was not me.

I remember that. That wasn't Mikey129. That was somebody else. I remember that.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mike.

That was Ken that was Ken that knew the girl with the big tits the the one

Mikey what's a easier? Yeah, Mike. I went to him, but I can call that girl. I'm calling her now sit go

Oh Ann Arbor, Michigan

Evil are you try breathing?

Even smoking

No, what gas station is this okay, then why'd you say no listen, I want to make a complaint

There's no manager there now

I didn't say that.

Artie, how could you say that?

I think it might be because I haven't really eaten all day.

That could be why.

I'm really sorry, folks.

I just said that.

We'll edit that out of the podcast.

I'll replace it.

Whoops.

I don't speak like that in my own time, really.

Yeah, did you call me the N-word or something?

What was that?

Excuse me?

When you hung up the phone, you thought you hung up,

and I heard you say something about bitch-ass nigger like that

when you hung up the phone.

Yeah, that's what I said.

Why did you say that?

That's racist.

What's your name?

Okay, well, there's a black guy standing right here

who didn't hear me say that.

Well, you said a lot of nasty stuff about me.

Why don't you get a wife and call your mama or something?

Whatever.

Are you in danger of being held up by that black guy?

Yeah, that's what's happening.

If you're afraid for your life,

hit the number one on the phone.

Yeah, okay.

But he did.

No, black guys like that.

Come and get a picture, bitch.

Don't you have, like...

No, please, don't call the police.

I'll take away my Nintendo Wii again.

They're gone.

How do we call them all the time?

I haven't called her, like, in a year.

What the hell is that about?

It's obvious you're the same girl.

It was the same girl, yeah.

It looks like she's not going anywhere.

Working at Citgo for a year.

Is Kevin Mitnick that Prince guy again?

Is that who it is, the talkative guy in the chat room?

Excuse me.

Artie, how's your job search going?

What happened with that?

It flatlined.

It flatlined?

Did you get any interviews or anything or nothing?

I just haven't been doing applications.

Good. That's cool.

I haven't talked to you all week.

I did three applications last week.

That's what I'm saying, and here you are.

I was asking if anything came out of that.

No, I haven't gotten any calls.

Usually you have to go in, right?

I believe so, yep.

I don't know. What do I say?

I go on the Applebee's. What should I say?

Shut the fuck up, Artie.

Shut up.

Are you talking over me?

You here?

No.

Jamie has sent in a prank call request.

Hi, mate.

Hey, that's right. Hi, mate. I forgot.

I forgot. My bad. I forgot about that.

Hey Carlito, did you ever notice this one day

I was being stupid and I put you

as a prank call request? You put me as a

prank call request? Yeah, I put your

number in there. No. I had to request

a prank. I probably thought it was myself

testing it. I do that. I test it with my own number

so I know it's me.

Funny. Alright, hi my sent in numbers.

Carlito, just started listening. Here's some

requested thanks. Request thanks.

24 hour quit smoking line for

Virginia. Alright, the Piles

Paul's Kitchen, Umi's Sake House, to Louise Petit.

I finally finished the Steve Jobs book today.

Excited about that.

I'm going to start reading the Jay-Z book this week.

Excited about that.

This weekend.

Kevin Mitnick says, remove yourself from junk culture like video games, prank calls, hacking, and embrace high art.

Yet you name yourself after a hacker.

Confused.

Kevin Mitnick is really annoying.

I'm going to ban him.

I'm going to kick him.

I think I'll kick him first.

Some guy named himself after the great Kevin Mitnick.

You being a jerk?

This is being annoying.

Penis.

I was kidding.

Answer there.

Okay.

Farting on the phone.

You know, I should be farting on the phone.

I got a lot of gas pent up.

Lonesome Loser sent in a lot of numbers and we haven't called them at all.

Let's start with the Greek Corner.

You haven't called any of mine.

I haven't called any of yours?

Well, I called one and it went to voicemail.

Did it?

Try the other one.

Say Malaka

Malaka

Alright, UK Ted, call your other one

Then Lonesome Loser calls her next

Which one did you pull?

The one that's not the psychic fan one

The other one, want the voicemail

Oh, Carlito

Hey

Girl, Michelle Allen, that guy sent me a call before

I got her number, I called her

And she got really confused

Pretending to be black

Who did?

That girl, Michelle

The girl felled?

Who?

Michelle

Oh, yes, Michelle.

You called her and she got all confused.

The girl at the high school or whatever?

Yeah, I think she's 17.

Oh, okay.

She sounds really young.

It's really funny.

She called me back.

She got all confused.

Welcome to the O2 messaging service.

The person you're calling is unable to...

That costs 25 cents a minute.

That's 25 cents.

I can't call these UK cell phones.

Jesus Christ.

I'll send you more money.

Yeah.

What was that?

Tabachi's joining us here in the conference.

Welcome, Tabachi.

Yeah, Tabachi.

Tabachi, Tabachi, hello.

Good job hacking those webcams.

Oh, thank you.

That was awesome.

Milkman, you weren't around for that, but Tabachi got together with...

Evil Artie's just going to fart in the phone.

Tabachi got together with...

Oh, man, don't start that shit.

I don't want to hear no goddamn ass.

You just want to see it.

You got RBCP and Rob the Hyena on Saturday were prank calling places with webcams,

and they were, like, broadcasting the webcams while they pranked them,

and they did a bunch of crazy shit.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, Tabachi.

Was Nino involved with that?

He was in the chat.

I don't think he was involved.

Tabachi was the one that found a lot of the video feeds.

Nice.

Yeah, they're supposed to be private webcams for the security systems,

but they had like vanilla admin password, username and password,

so he was able to social engineer it out the ass, and it was pretty funny.

No, I just read the manuals.

Check out the default passwords.

And that's what they are.

There you go.

You got the default passwords.

And then, yeah, well, apparently

RBCP was telling me today

some cop in Hawaii, I guess.

I don't know if you heard about that, but a cop in Hawaii

messaged on his

Facebook wall saying he was

investigating one of the calls.

Dang. That was done, yeah.

I don't know if that was supposed to be public knowledge

or not. I'm sorry. Don't talk to the cops.

I guess not.

It's funny because the cop's last name was

Morita.

Like, Pat Morita, you know, it's kind of funny.

His name was Morita?

Morita.

M-O-R-I-T-A.

Morita.

And I started laughing thinking it's like Pat Morita or something like that.

Anyway.

Okay, look.

Let's get back on track here.

Let's do some more calls.

So, that call was a dead one, so we got a little bit of a loser call.

We're done with the expensive UK calls.

Well, if I can remember who sent in the number for that Greek restaurant, Malacca.

Let's do it.

I'm going to be ending the show pretty soon here because I've got to go to sleep.

I'm tired as fuck.

I've been up since 6 o'clock in the morning.

Why did you get up at 6 in the morning?

Couldn't sleep.

I've been having a lot of insomnia problems lately.

Anxiety?

Yeah, hi.

Listen, I was calling to make an order here.

Okay, go ahead.

There's this nice dessert you have there called malaka.

I'd like to have this.

Malaka?

Saka?

Malaka.

I can't hear you.

Malaka.

Malaka?

Yes.

I think we have that.

um is there one of the chefs or something like that you can ask about it malacca yeah well does

that gentleman not know what it is i don't have that on our menu is he greek is there anybody

who's greek there there's a greek in the right place right the greek corner yeah but is that

or is there anyone there who's greek or is it just you know like white people

oh there's no greek people there no well malacca's masturbator in greek masturbator in greek malacca

I was hoping she was asking a Greek person in the background.

Yeah.

Before that, there was a fat Greek restaurant.

We could try that.

That'll be me.

Yes, Milkman.

I think Athena left you a voicemail like me or something.

Yeah, I think I remember.

Thank you for calling.

How may I help you?

Yeah, this is Greek food, right?

Greek on YLA, yes.

Okay, I'd like to make an order.

Malacca, please.

Falafel.

No, Malacca.

Slovakia.

Okay, lamb, chicken, or fish.

Lady, I'm saying malacca.

Okay, I'm sorry, we don't have that item.

All right, is there someone there who I can ask in specific for this to be made, please?

Sure, one moment, please.

Yes, I would like to order a malacca, please.

A who?

A malacca.

What's a malacca?

Yes.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Are you Greek?

No, I'm not.

Is there someone there who's Greek?

He won't be in a minute.

What's his name?

Peter?

Is it Nick?

Francois.

What is it?

Francois.

You can call back in 10 minutes.

He should be here.

Can you write down that I need malacca?

Can you write that down?

Because normally anything off the menu, we do not do special or simple.

Well, it is something very simple.

Anyone can make this.

You want to know how to make it?

I'm going to tell you how.

Tell me what it is, and you're going to learn something.

Okay, you go to the back, and you pull down your pants.

Hold on, I'm coming back for it.

Tabachi, what were you asking me?

Stand in front of the mirror, and then we all stop.

Yes, Tabachi, you were asking me if I'm going to do a show next week or something?

Yeah, yeah, I'm totally free Thursday evening.

if you're still open to the co-host thing.

Yeah, definitely.

I might be doing eye surgery that day.

I'm not sure yet.

I won't know until Monday.

Dang.

I think I'll be out of commission.

Yeah, seriously.

It may not be happening.

I will let you know.

Someone dropped.

Who dropped?

Mikey129, I think.

Yeah, I don't know yet.

I'll let you know.

I should know by Monday afternoon.

We'll see what the doctor says on Monday.

But, yeah, yeah.

My vision, once again, now it's the other eye.

I've talked about how it was getting worse.

bad this week. I can't stay out of it at all. That's stupid

right now. I don't know.

It's such a sad

existence I live.

Thank you for calling Sergio. Can you hold, please?

No. For calling Sergio, this is

please. Can I help you? Yes.

Were you the lady who just answered a second

ago? Yes. Alright. And you

put me on hold. What was that? You put me

on hold? Yes, I did.

Did you know what I said when you asked?

What you asked?

Can I help you? No, I didn't say that.

I said no when you asked.

I'm sorry. How may I help you?

Oh, no, I just wanted to get you an apology for that.

I'm sorry, sir.

Okay.

I was just going so fast, but I didn't realize that you said no.

I figured you would say yes, because that was what I needed you to do.

So you just wanted me to do what you want?

Hello?

Yes, I'm here.

Is this the same person or someone else?

No, this is the same person.

Okay. Is there someone else that you wanted me to talk to?

I'm the hostess at the moment. I can help you. I'm sorry, sir.

I wasn't trying to be rude

I was dealing with a customer

And I needed to

Oh, so do you want me to do what you want me to do?

No, sir, I don't want you to do what I want you to do

I just

Would you like to speak to my manager?

I smell your shoes, yeah, okay

Transforming the Greek manager

Hi, this is the manager, I understand

Yes, sir

Yes, that lady was just telling me

She asked me to hold

Asked if I could hold, okay

And I want her reprimanded.

Well, that's just the start of it.

See, after that, I said, no, I can't hold.

And she still put me on hold.

And then I hung up, and I called back.

And then she didn't need me to hold anymore.

And you know what she said to me?

She said she wanted me to do for her what she wanted me to do for her.

I can help you with tonight, sir?

Well, where I come from, when a woman says this to a man,

she's asking for something special.

She said, I want you to do for me what I want you to do for me.

No, I don't know

That means

The vernacular

The saying is that what she will want me to do

Is to get on my knees in front of her

No, I don't think so

No, that's what it is

Yes, it is

Listen, are you there still?

I heard a hand

It's been a week show

It's a week show

It hit 116 listeners

Thank you for calling

This is Trevor, how may I help you?

Listen, I called into Playboy Night Calls

once and they explained this to me remember

Playboy Night Calls?

I used to jerk off

watching that

when I was like 15.

Oh, yeah.

That was awesome.

That was, uh,

what was the girl?

Julie Ashton.

She was in that.

She was so dumb.

Julie Ashton.

Hell yeah, man.

Bringing it back.

Hey.

Can we call the Jew Drop-In?

The Jew Drop-In?

We already called them.

We talked to Charlie

in a cell phone you want to call the restaurant yeah all right are you gonna laugh i won't i'll

try not to you don't want to wake your parents up man yeah careful yeah thank you john i have you

hey um i'm calling from a kid's food blog called iggy you nine and uh we don't want to do an

interview with you guys hello can you put a manager can i speak to your manager please

speak up bro yeah speak up yeah you're too you're nervous and you laugh it's yeah i drank like

asking to speak to charlie asked to speak to mr sai or t-s-a-i yeah we'll get straight to him

they're a little less suspicious that way it's more efficient yeah even still they're acting

all suspicious now you call for charlie's side they're like yeah man you dropped out his cell

phone a couple weeks ago on the air yeah i did i blasted it out i forgot about it and this guy

and igs they gotta play it for me he told me about it i was oh yeah i did give that out and i called

that last one

that guy

and it's Evil Artie

that figured out

he's the one

that figured that one out

the uh

originally

I think

is Evil Artie

still on the R

are you still there

how'd you pull that off again

I forget

his um

destroyed voice machine

was forwarded

yes

and he got it from there

that's right

when it goes to voicemail

it would say

you've reached

blah blah blah

what's up Milkman

you getting raped

I just

was it was a man

was it you

did you get in it

did you come along

or something

one of the guys

accidentally

he bumped a guy

in front of him

this is what it would say

Hey, don't do podcasts while you're driving.

Yeah, exactly.

That's probably why.

You're not supposed to be doing the podcast while you're driving.

I want to apologize.

Vacinato sent in a number for a prank call victim in Pennsylvania,

but unfortunately I do not prank call in the same state that I live in

because it opens me up to charges.

It makes it easier to prosecute me if a prank call goes bad.

Unfortunately, we'll have to pass on that for now,

but I will pass that on to RBCP, Red Box and the Chili Peppers.

Maybe they will like to do that one day.

Oh, hey, can we call Michelle Allen?

Who?

Michelle Allen.

Ah, why do you want to call her so much?

Because it's funny.

Maybe.

I'll talk.

You don't have to talk.

It'll be legal that way.

That'll go great.

Maybe.

Towards the end of the show, if it's not too late.

I'm almost done.

It's almost one.

Yeah, I'm going to have to go fairly soon as well, guys.

All right, yeah, I heard you're stapling papers.

That means you've got to go.

Yeah, it means the end of my shift.

Uh-huh, see?

What'd you do at the end of your shift?

Yeah, this means my boss is coming and she'll realize that I'm not actually working.

Ah, you're in trouble.

I gotcha.

Alright, well, if you gotta go, you gotta go

Let us know before you do

Goodbye to you, sir

I'm just not paid to prank, you know

Alright, we got the number for the guy

Who's the biggest douchebag of all time

His name is Milkman

And he lives in San Francisco

Of all time, he thinks he runs the city

General, generic douchebag businessman

Pretend you're a business

Trying to open up in Troy, Michigan

Okay, Troy, Michigan

Home of, uh, Kmart

Isn't Kmart out of Troy, Michigan, I believe

leave. There's a few businesses out of Troy, Michigan.

Think Little Caesars. Pizza's out of there, too.

I thought Little Caesars was in Florida.

Oh, there is one in Florida, yeah.

If you need to transfer to me, just say intern.

Yes, hello. I am Rex. I'm

opening up a Greek restaurant in town

here in Troy. Would you like

to buy coupons? Hello?

Yeah. Listen, listen.

It's going to be called Malacca Hill.

Yeah. Listen. I don't have to

call people until 1 a.m. or that all.

Well, it's okay.

We're doing a marathon calling

Listen, you buy $5 worth of coupons, you buy $5 worth of coupons, and it's $30 worth of savings.

You understand?

I'm very good at what I do. I'm a great businessman. I used to be a stockbroker. I worked for Scottrade.

Listen, I don't need some kid that works at Taco Bell giving me a hard time about how I conduct business.

I'm a master salesman, okay?

I don't doubt that, you know.

My advice for...

I'll give you free tickets to a Pistons game next week.

No, that's good.

Pistons and Miami Heat, they're playing on Monday.

It's going to be a great game.

You can see Ron Artest, Ben Wallace, the one white guy.

How did you get it?

We got it out of a fishbowl.

Oh, okay, okay.

Good night.

Listen.

Yeah.

Really, I want to give you these Pistons tickets.

No, I don't want Pistons.

I'm busy working, man.

Five dollars.

I don't have time for this.

You're so stupid.

You don't even know the NBA is locked out.

You don't fucker.

No, I don't care.

It's because you're a stupid asshole.

You're a stupid asshole.

You want to go to a baseball game tomorrow, too?

Okay, pal.

Stupid.

Bye, fucker.

Yes, he seemed pretty nice.

He did seem pretty nice.

He didn't seem like a douchebag.

I was trying to turn...

He seemed it.

He was just like...

Rather ungrateful.

I guess he didn't care.

I'm offering tickets to a basketball game.

There's no NBA.

Still no NBA games.

I bet you if it was WNBA, he would have took them in a heartbeat.

Anyway, Dark Stranger says, fuck sports.

sports i'm a dark stranger i know you like some sports you know you sure do like football football

dark stranger is a football fan i bet you dark stranger played football in high school

he's a chick but yeah whatever uh the high school i went to we had a female uh wrestler she played

she was a wrestler wow and i punched her in the vagina once i did seriously it was funny yep it

was an accident i didn't mean to but i hit her heart in her vagina and and it was funny because

Because the coaches were against her.

They didn't want her there.

And the coach didn't care.

He looked away.

Did it hurt her?

Was she good?

Yeah, it hurt her.

She was like, ah!

It was like, the coach looked away.

He was like, out of the way.

He was basically like, out of the way.

Out of the way, guy.

Out of the way, Carlito.

He was like, good.

They didn't want her on there.

They used to haze her a lot.

It's bad.

It's the kind of shit that would not fly now, you know, in schools and stuff like that.

It would still go on back then.

You know, female wrestlers.

Pfft.

She was asking for it.

oh i called that uh hotel that arty supposedly pissed in the lobby and nobody there knew

anything nobody knew anything i think arty was making that story up arty you're still there

i'm gonna hang up and call you back all right i'm back get his attention i think he passed out

the phone in his mouth slobbering please leave your message for let's read the voicemail he was

so hungry i think he tried to eat his phone he did oops i should give his phone number out being

a jerk he pissed me off because he called me he called me when was it tuesday i didn't talk to

him all week because he called me tuesday he called me monday rather it's like yeah i got

laid last night like that's great arty good for you man it's like yeah i guess what i was thinking

about like who athena i said yeah what fucking dickhead i didn't say anything he's like oh

are you okay like i'm fine make stupid comments like that what happened to tabachi we lost

tabachi tabachi call back tabachi aloha thank you for calling romanos macaroni grill this is

David, what can we do for you?

David, listen.

I have a problem with this sauce there.

This is unedible.

This is shit.

Sorry?

This sauce is shit.

It's inedible.

I don't even know who you are, sir.

This is Cross.

Cross?

Yes.

And...

I got the create your own pasta.

This sauce is shit.

And I asked for extra shrimp, and I got three shrimps.

Okay, so what can we do for you?

You want to come in?

I want you to fax me an apology.

Is this a joke?

No, dude, this sauce is shit, and I want an apology.

Who cooked this?

Okay, well, your language is unacceptable to me over the phone, sir.

your money shit cock fuck yeah yeah it's shit uh this has been a lackluster rather call show today

you can't take your shit you guys you got time for one more request to prank yeah sure just don't

make it a cell phone expensive your landline well i think mano's macaroni grill this is david

yeah david i really you really now you have double on you i want you to write a letter who's the

manager there in the store uh that'll be me who's the head manager of the whole store his name is

It's Kunani Blake.

Kunani?

Correct.

All right, I want you to write down a message to pass on to him when he comes in in the morning.

Okay, you got it.

Are you ready?

As long as you're not swearing, sir.

No.

What was your name again?

David?

My name is David.

All right, all right.

Go ahead and start.

You ready?

Go ahead.

Cross called then complaining about the sauce.

The sauce was cold and watery and salty.

Okay.

David refused to resolve the issue.

I'm going to write after you're swearing at me.

I know.

We'll get to that.

We'll get to that part, too.

Your attitude is unacceptable to me.

over the phone. I don't even know who you are. I'm a customer.

I'm a customer.

I wish you would respect

me with the food that you gave me. Cold, salty

sauce.

I do apologize on that, sir.

And like I said, we definitely will

refund your money. Did you pay with a credit card?

Gift card. Gift card.

Did you finish writing? I mean, I'm not done

with the note. Email number? Email?

No. I want you to write this down and pass it

on to him so when he comes in the morning

Wow. Okay. Go ahead, sir. Continue on.

What do you have so far? Read to me

me where you have so far where do we leave off i go go ahead no just read to me what you have so

far david you're complaining about a tag order that it's we're gonna start from the beginning

okay you're ready cross right now i don't have time to right now i do apologize on your gift

just write down the message and pass it on to the to the manager kunani okay and your name is sir

cross cross called in about the sauce you didn't take out take out order named cross

Was it an RSIT order?

What was the entree?

It was a create your own pasta.

Create your own pasta?

No one ordered from you?

And what time did you come in?

It was during the dinner rush.

And did you dine in or take out?

It was take out.

One moment.

Did you order from the bar or from the take out?

I ordered there with my family.

I didn't eat.

I only ate part of it.

But you did dine in.

Well, yeah, I didn't eat there, though.

I took it with me after.

I mean, I ate this meal five hours later, and it's cold.

It's salty.

You ate it five hours later?

Yeah, so I'm complaining.

This is not acceptable.

Okay, this is a joke now, right?

No, sir.

Write down this complaint.

You're more than welcome to come to the store and create a complaint.

But right now, I don't understand why you're calling and telling me...

I put it in the microwave.

It was still cold.

I gotta go.

He's not pretending to be...

That was just a prank.

Yes, I see it.

The new assistant happened in 2006.

That's funny.

Can I pretend to be Kunani's personal assistant?

You're going to pretend to be Kunani's personal assistant?

He's had me working 63 hours straight

and that malicious number just called the restaurant.

Okay. I'll call from a different

line then for you. Okay.

That'll work. Malicious number just called you.

Okay. You're not going to laugh during this,

are you? No.

You're not seeing it in Skype because I was calling from Google

Voice. Don't be confused. Sorry.

Alright, buddy. Alright.

Alright there.

We've got a lot of numbers here to get to. Let me get to

Ted's here real quick since he's going to be signing off.

I don't think he's signed off yet.

alright folks if you're listening

I would recommend no more request to prank

submissions for the rest of the night

I've got plenty of numbers here from Brendan

Fridgebulb he's got some UK numbers

and Lonesome Loser has a few

more stragglers that we're going to get to

that we're going to call it a night

in the meantime this is UK

Ted's number in Alabama United Kingdom

wow I didn't know they had it in Alabama

this is a hotel in Brighton

not his the guy who will answer

the phone is called Slavomir

he's a funny accent enjoy

I'm getting there. I forgot to change the country, but I did now.

It's just Slavomir.

Slavomir, how are you doing?

Are you a Russian?

You're not very, uh, what?

Are you a masculine male or a feminine male?

The dilemma is I'm looking for a masculine male to check me in.

To do what, sir?

To check me in in the hotel. Do you understand?

Are you joking?

Huh?

Are you joking?

No, no, no. I need a masculine male. Only.

I'm going to put them down now.

No, no, don't put it down. Keep it up.

So what is it all about?

Yes, I want to make a reservation.

Is it for?

It is for a hotel room.

Do you have queen beds or king-sized bed, or what do you do?

I do double king and king-sized bed.

I want a king-sized bed.

I want you to put it under the name Slavomir.

You're going to put it under the name Slavomir for the bed.

For the room.

Because I'm going to slay there sleeping.

Oh, man. He didn't let me get it out.

This is going to do something gay.

What is CAS encounter?

And he hung right up.

Well, it was what it was.

Do you know that guy personally?

Is he part of the local industry there?

Slavo.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, good.

Well, tell him I said hi next time you talk to him.

Okay.

All right.

Okay, okay.

Let's see.

Let me round out Lonesome Loser numbers here.

That was Mike Rendergo did before from him.

This one here is a Banana Leaf Pasta Cafe.

Let's give them a call.

After that, you got a slew of UK wake-up pranks we can do.

Those came in from the fridge bulb

Those are always fun

What did you send in by the way

IG you sent in a gas encounter

What was that a gas encounter

Oh

This is banana leaf pasta

How do you use the banana leaf

To make a pasta

How do you use the banana leaf

To make a pasta

This is banana leaf pasta

Sounds good

I was thinking you mash it up

I'm confused

What's the banana leaf part about

The sauces have bananas in them?

No.

Say what?

You got a problem speaking, son?

Something wrong with your voice?

Are you nervous?

What's going on?

I have bananas.

You should think about that, you know?

Do you, um, what was your name?

Gay.

Gay?

What?

It was gay?

Chaz.

Okay.

And?

So where can we go with this?

All right, maybe you take an order for me.

You have just regular pasta dishes and stuff?

Yes, we do.

All right, put me down for banana pasta.

A banana split.

We don't have any banana.

Banana pudding.

Do you have anything with bananas?

You said nothing at all.

Can you put the owner of the store on the phone, please?

Are you going to answer, or are you going to sit there?

Hello, banana leaf pasta cafe.

Are you the owner?

No, I'm not.

What do you do there?

I'm not in right now.

Are you a woman?

No, I'm not.

You're a woman.

Yes, I am.

You must be in the kitchen.

No, I'm not.

That's unfortunate.

Listen, why is there no bananas there?

I'm from the Dominican Republic, and I'm offended.

Okay, I'll come.

I want you to write down a message for the owner.

Okay.

Are you ready?

Are you writing it?

I need to tell him.

Gonzales called in about banana leaves.

Okay.

What was your name?

Amber.

Amber made racial comments about Gonzales.

Hello.

I keep having to hang up on UK Ted because he keeps talking.

You've got to learn to mute that shit.

Mute that shit, UK Ted.

Oh, that's where Echo's from.

Yeah, he keeps having to unmute himself.

i think his boss comes around he gets all nervous and has to start talking after like he's not just

sitting there listening to pranks anyway starting to get all stuffy man don't tell me i'm getting

sick again this would suck oh yeah that's what happened today been sick for over a month dude

this allergies man yeah it's bad pollen and shit and why is it cold and rainy again oh it's not

cold yet bro it's just cool this is cool this is cool yeah february man oh yeah it's just windy

indian icy it's brutal i came i came in for the i think i came in the last week of january last

this year rather from florida from from growing up in orlando it's like yeah it's like i'm gonna

move up to pennsylvania it was like are you fucking crazy you know it's cold up there right

like yeah it'll be all right close my balls i'll do the funniest thing my first week here i'm working

my new job and it's no big thing in orlando if you leave your jacket at home even on a cold day

it's not a big deal you know like you if you're going to work you can park your car you can get

inside the building real quick and warm up it's not a big deal i made that mistake like i got to

the parking garage and the parking garage is like two or three blocks away from you know where i

was working and i get to the parking garage and i go to open my door and i'm like oh wait a minute

i left my jacket i left my coat at home hell i got shit i never made that mistake again never

ever made that mistake it's not the same yeah and dude if it snows man make sure you got a

blanket and stuff in the back because if you get stranded you'll freeze to death here

yeah that's what they say just put candles and stuff in your car and yeah spam all that stuff

yeah people will go out sometimes so you don't want to surround yeah it's crazy i remember i

bought like a not like a two liter coke and i put in the diet coke and i put in the back seat of my

my car and it was all frozen in the morning i was like oh shit i can't drink this this sucks

it was uh pepsi max i was like diet pepsi max it's got a lot of caffeine so sometimes in the

morning if i don't have time to make coffee i'll just drink you know you know mountain dew or

something so i was like i don't have to make coffee today i let you know i've got a two liter

diet pepsi max in my car and i got to it and i'm halfway on my way to work oh let me drink that

diet pepsi max and i go to get it it's like a frozen bottle i'm like i guess i'm not drinking

this this sucks oh yeah yeah learn my lesson there yeah okay new song 1 19 a.m almost time

to end the show but let's just last pranks god damn telling you hey it's worth it though i like

it i'm not complaining it's better than orlando really you think so i do well yeah well okay

orlando true i don't like that area too much orlando's bad right now crime tell me about it

crime jobs everything people i was down there in about eight hours into it i had enough try 31 years

of it who's this i forgot the kebab house yeah angry oregon brendan sent this in that answer

there we got kebab central in alameda california home of the nuclear vessels gold star if you know

what movie that came from hello mikey actually that's wrong a star trek 4 no yes hey mikey are

Are you in Brooklyn, California?

Yeah, they open in California.

Yeah.

All right.

No answer there.

And all we have left is UK numbers.

Let's do it.

These came in from Fridge Bulb a little while ago.

They should be good still, since these are for people named T. Edwards.

I'm presuming Ted Edwards.

Nice.

We'll wake them up.

If anybody wants to harass the UK, call it.

I will gladly.

I got a whole bunch of them.

Hey, Milkman.

You're live.

Hey, I just tuned into the Cacti stream, and you're not on there.

You're on there.

What the fuck is a phone show?

Yeah, you're not on the stream, dude.

I'm not?

You're on the menstrual show.

It says I'm encoded.

It's been fucking...

You hear me?

...cooling stuff.

That was fun.

Hello?

Yeah.

It's been...

Can you hear me?

Yeah, I hear you.

I said you're on the chat guy's stream.

They got one of their own shows.

That's weird.

It says I'm encoding.

I don't know.

Maybe I did something.

No, I'm listening.

I tuned in again.

You're live.

Dude, I like to hear all kinds of noise.

What's all that noise, man?

I don't know.

No, they're, they're, Tabachi says I'm live on over there, Milkman, wait a minute.

No, you're not, man, I'm in stream.

Yeah, you are.

Yo, I hear you fine.

I'm listening to like this thing.

Why didn't you check that guy's radio?

Milkman, hang on.

Let me check.

I hear you on Madhouse.

I didn't play it.

No, they're on shows playing.

That's weird.

It says I'm encoding.

I don't know.

I just told you.

That's you.

Listen, Milkman, this is the stream.

Maybe I did something.

No, I tuned in again.

You're right.

Dude, I like hearing all kinds of noise.

What's all that noise, man?

I don't know.

No, they're still with me.

That's live.

Milkman, we're on.

We're on Cacti.

What are you listening to?

Yeah, okay.

Well, it wasn't a minute ago, dude.

I just tuned in a second.

Yeah, he went off for about a minute.

For about a minute.

It wasn't your voice.

Yeah.

Well, I don't know.

Maybe it just went off for a minute.

It's okay.

How'd you find out, Milkman?

Jesus Christ, you're like a hawk.

Huh?

You're like a hawk, Milkman.

You're like, hey, my metal ain't on.

All right, dude.

It went off.

No, I got busy for a minute, and then it was over, and then I wanted to check to see

That's how you sound, man.

Mikey, what's funny?

That milkman's coming down.

That's funny.

I like that.

Okay.

UK calls.

Let's do them.

We'll get out of here.

All right.

Big balls.

Sounds like a good plan.

Comments.

Anyway, so I don't even know if there's any progression on the situation with the NBA,

but they're still locked out.

It doesn't look...

That's the NBA.

The last I heard, they were sticking that the players want 51% of the revenue, and the

owners are like, no.

They got them down from like 54.

I think they started out at a few months ago.

Just let them have 51%.

I mean, if you think about it, I guess

the players should at least get a majority

of the share. They are the ones playing the

fucking game.

For God's sake, just play fucking basketball.

A bunch of babies. I'm just pissed off because

I'm from Orlando. I'm a Magic fan, and they're

probably getting an all-star game in Orlando.

That's going to be canceled.

Yes, hi. Edwards.

Yes, hi. I'm calling on

behalf of the Pope. I would like

you to pray the Rosary this morning.

We are reminding all our UK brothers to join the Catholic Church once again.

Pray the Rosary to the Virgin Mary.

Do you know how to do that?

If you think you're going to be dead, please get these people.

Hello?

T. Edward!

That was stupid.

Repent.

Ugh, what did I put on the number there?

Hello?

Nothing.

Next, wrapping up things here, Madhouse Radio for November 11th.

It's November 10th, technically, but right now it is 11-11-11.

Dang.

1-1-1-1-1-1.

Let me think real quick.

Quick, what is that in binary?

1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1.

That's 1, 1 plus 2 plus 4 plus 8.

4, 8.

16, 32.

It's 63.

There you go.

You know what you do.

You figure out what that last digit is.

And you subtract 1.

That's right.

I did it the hard way.

I should have known.

Stupid.

How am I going to pass my CCNA if I don't do this stuff right?

I don't know.

Shit.

Oh, fuck.

Can't see.

Can't count binary.

Fuck.

My common what?

Networks?

Nah.

I guess that's not part of the CNA thing.

CCNA?

Common networks.

Common interworks.

No.

Common inter...

No.

What's that?

Like the private networks you mean?

Like the...

Nah.

Nevermind.

127.0.0.1.

Like counting and shit.

Oh.

That's what I spent my evening doing.

Programming?

Permutations and combinations.

Oh jeez.

Fuck that.

Yeah.

Calculus?

What was it now?

What were you doing?

Perf and permutations?

Yeah, I had to do these gay proofs for combinatoric permutations.

Really fun stuff.

Sounds fun.

It sounds like something I've done at some point.

I haven't done math classes in a while.

Well, I did do a math for electronics class, which really was just some stupid...

I forgot what it even was.

Gotcha.

Well, no, you know, I take that back.

The last semester I was in school, just at a year ago, I did have math...

Yeah, I was surprised.

It was a fiber optics class.

I was like, this is going to be fun.

Oh, you need math for that?

yeah i was like yeah we're gonna be doing you know we're gonna be splicing fiber and playing

with fiber and they were like no math i'm like what like yeah you gotta calculate the distance

is gonna go and it's gonna refract and the fiber i'm like oh fuck yeah it was actually pretty

complicated shit yeah a lot of equipment can do some auto sensing now for that shit yeah oh i just

sent in a number of some guy that i pretty sure wasn't like commercial this is edwards good listen

Listen, I want you to pray the rosary with me, the Catholic Church.

Sorry?

I want you to pray the rosary with me this morning.

To who?

To me.

Sorry, to who?

To pray the rosary because Prince William is headed over to a six-week tour of duty,

and we want to pray for his safety.

Sorry, who are you speaking to?

I'm Father McCorders. I'm with the Catholic Church.

Do you know what the call is?

Yes, I do. I'm calling from the United States.

You're just a 30 in the morning.

I know, but listen, Prince William, he's our prince, and he's going to be doing a tour of duty.

In a helicopter.

It's important.

Try them again.

Do you know what time it is in the morning?

Do you know what time it is?

No, Fred, tell me.

I don't.

Yeah, what time is it again?

Hello?

Madam?

Could you please report the time?

I know you're there.

I can hear you.

Stupid.

Tracing the call?

She was there the whole time.

Tracing the call.

Yeah, tracing.

20 seconds and it triggers the call.

You're on the phone.

This is 9-1-3-2.

We're calling.

Welcome to BG-14-1571.

Call for your calling isn't available at the moment.

You don't say.

Next.

Get them all out of here.

Did you see my number in the Skype I am?

Yes.

Let me knock out these U.K. numbers and I'll do that.

And I forgot Jaime sent in numbers.

Jamie or Jaime, whoever sent in numbers also.

I almost forgot about those.

We might have to do those.

We might have to.

Yes, hi.

This is Father McCorders.

I would like to pray the rosary with you.

Good morning.

Hello?

Yes, hello.

This is Father McCorders.

I'm calling from the Catholic Diocese in Chicago, Illinois.

I would like to pray the rosary with you this morning.

Please, Beck.

Nike 129, linking to the Madhouse Wikidot.

How are people finding that old Wikipedia?

What?

The Madhouse Wikipedia.

I didn't even think that was up anymore.

Yeah, I searched up 98.6 The Mouth and I got that.

You did, really?

That's funny.

That's awesome.

I actually thought 98.6 The Mouth existed.

You did?

Yeah.

Was it a residential radio station?

There was a site, 98.6 The Mouth.com.

i did take it out it was not it was i i took out the domain 66 the mouth.com and i made and i made

the subdomain 98 so it was 98.6 the mouth.com wow it was just redirected to madhouse live but

ah i'll let it lapse it's too expensive no one ever got it i don't know of anybody that ever

actually tried to visit it the badger you lost everybody it auto-connected and so it was

disconnected and the jitter was at 72 782 was a jitter okay cool thanks yep that's not a good

number it's getting flaky over here so is it yeah you're on comcast no probably wouldn't be then

i'm just saying we probably wouldn't be having the same problem all right continuing on see if

we can get any of these uk numbers a stick these are all numbers some big fridge bulb oh can i do

an altar boy you want to do what you want to be an altar boy yeah you could be the recorders and

just introduce me that's fine introduce you my son oh we lost milkman hang on yes hello this is

edwards good this is father mcquarters we'll be playing the rosary this morning i have my

altar board in the line he's going to lead us in prayer hello the name of everybody for prayer

take it away yes lord we we were gonna we're gonna pray for uh prince william

for prince william our prince i'm father mcquarters i'm here with my altar boy ig69

We're calling from the United States Catholic Diocese

Okay, we're going to pray for Prince William

I'm going to what?

We're going to pray for Prince William

I'm going to pray the price with him

We're going to pray for Prince William, yes

I'm sorry, that's all right, yes

Prince William, yes

Okay, and who did you want to speak to?

Who are you speaking to?

It's hard to understand you, damn it

God damn it, it's hard to understand you

Okay, who did you want to speak to?

Oh, no, to you

To Mr. or Ms. Edwards

We want to pray for Prince William.

Okay, right on then.

Are you ready to pray?

Yeah.

Heavenly Father, we ask you to bless our son, Prince William,

and your daughter, Mrs. Edwards.

May they drink from the holy wine once they die in the next few days

and see your beautiful times and rise up to touch your beautiful face.

Mrs. Edwards, would you like to say an invocation?

I don't understand.

You were very early.

Uh-huh.

You were talking about dying.

Yeah.

I'm a Catholic priest, and I'm calling on behalf of the Catholic Church in the United States.

I'm with my altar boy, and we're calling to make a prayer for Prince William and also for you.

Okay, what's going to happen to you?

Well, Prince, he's going on a...

Just pray for me. Just pray for me.

Yeah, for you, because you're probably going to pass away.

I'm going to pass away?

Yes.

Why are you saying that?

Well, an angel came to me and told me this was going to happen, this would pass.

We're giving you your last rites.

What's going to happen?

An angel came to me.

Yes.

An angel did, yes.

Have you put your affairs in order?

Your affairs in order.

Listen, you want to do your last confession, tell me your sins.

What have you done?

Have you had marital relations outside of your relations with someone other than your husband?

Yes, that's right.

Tell us, what are your sins?

What have you done?

Nothing.

You're telling me.

You've got my number and you've found me.

Yeah?

Well, yeah.

We're just, you know, do a confession now because you're going to pass away.

So we want to make sure that you confess your sins so you go to heaven and see baby Jesus.

What?

You live in America, yeah?

I'm in the Catholic Church in America, yes.

I've been drinking wine.

And how did you get my number?

It was in a prayer book and the angel came to me and said that I had to call this number.

Princess Diana's angel.

She hasn't been there longer than I thought she would

She won an explanation

She's like, wait a minute

What are you talking about?

Please enjoy the following music while your party is being reached

Do you think she's a member of the royal family?

She's like, what's going to happen?

What's up?

We lost everybody, but we're back

Everybody's back

We continue our prank call maneuver

Against people named Edwards

In the United Kingdom

Milkman, would you like to talk?

Would you like to talk to someone in the UK and be goofy?

You can't?

I'm another one.

Okay, I'm going to take a shit.

No, I'm not a cacti.

Shut up.

Hey, this is the late-ball-ball.

This is the late-ball-ball.

Late-ball-ball.

This is the Vatican.

I don't understand.

Yes, cactus.

My wrong number.

I'm asking you to pay me for cactus.

Tabachi, you got to find that MP3 you made, like the Best of Madhouse or something.

The RBCP says you can't find it.

Yes, hi, Edwards?

Yes?

Yes, I'm calling from the Cactus Catholic Church.

Who are you?

From the Church of Cactus, Catholic.

Yeah?

Yes, and we want you to pray with us.

Like, if you have six years of age.

Yeah, I understand, but I'm calling from the United States of America, and it's still early.

Well, no, it's on a few days.

Listen, do you have condoms?

Sure, we're with the Church of Our Lady of Cacti.

The funny thing is, it is Armistice Day.

I'm presuming these people are off of work, because it's Armistice Day.

Okay.

so we're waking him up on a day

there he should be able to sleep in

so ha there you go

Tabachi no here's the story one morning

you know early in my recovery

I don't know my laptop I had

just closed the lid on it while I was listening to

the phone show and I woke up on a

Sunday morning uh no whatever

I woke up on there was a show on Saturday

I woke up and I opened up the laptop and it started

playing the stream automatically

and it and it was playing like

classical music with a madhouse prank

at the same time and i was like oh crap i got two things playing at the same time without two

things are playing on my laptop and it was something you had made it was uh yeah i was

like i was i know what that was it was it threw me for a second i was like what the hell why is

this madhouse prank club playing automatically and what's this classical music what the hell

what browser do i have open and all of a sudden i heard it was like the longest the prank i did

that the guy hung up it took like five minutes to hang up or something yeah yeah and it cracked

I actually don't have that file.

I was learning a new digital audio workstation

and I just kind of threw an MP3

at RBCP.

I didn't keep that. I was just learning some software.

Sorry, man.

That's cool. He says he can't find it.

He played it.

I was unemployed and I think I listened to

every single call you ever did.

Literally.

Listened to like 40 hours.

That's fun. It's good stuff, man.

It makes you pee.

Milkman, are you peeing over there?

What did I tell you about peeing on the show?

I couldn't hold it.

That's nasty.

How cool.

It was an emergency, dude, man.

I hope you're happy.

You were kind of mean to Evil Artie.

He, like, left without saying a word.

I don't like people talking over me.

He knows better.

Just be nice to him.

He's just a kid.

Yeah, but, man, he's got to be ignorant.

I've known you for many years.

It's on this shit.

What's the matter?

She's horny.

Man.

That's good.

I know.

She still misses me.

Yeah.

But I'm married.

How's your friend?

How's he doing?

How's his eyes doing?

How's his brain working?

Is his cock still big?

Okay, we need to be on for 1571.

The person you're calling is...

Yes, I'm talking to him on Facebook.

He's going to try to make a fresh...

Dude, there's no BT up there laughing to do your show.

We always got a BT call.

He used to prank call a British cell phone.

Hi, is this Edwards?

Pardon?

Yes, hi, this is Edwards.

Yes?

Yes, this is Mike from back east.

How are you?

I'm from east Germany.

Listen.

What do you want?

Why are you waking me up at this time in the morning?

Oh, I'm going back to sleep. Thank you.

Only after the prayer. I miss it.

The people who fought for us.

So why are people supposed to...

Go away!

Do you know what time it is?

What's a poppy?

Why is Nunu asking me to ask

if they're wearing their poppies?

Is that a...

That's significance.

Everybody in the work

to wrecking the horse

does the same thing

in like instant prison.

Sounds good.

Yeah, yeah.

It's very good.

You gotta call the number back.

She said go away.

She said go away?

Okay, good.

That nasty, mean lady.

I mean, he sleeps with like

a phone right next to them

and doesn't think I'm...

You know what time it is?

They're overly consigned.

What is it?

They're chrono specialists.

That one there here, that's the Arlington, right?

I'll make sure.

Okay, geez.

It's not dropping.

I'm giving up on it.

All right, no call there.

No fun.

And looks like we're at our last one here.

No, we got two left.

Do we?

Yes, two left.

Yeah.

Yeah, Veterans Day never was really big until the wars, the newest wars started.

I remember vetches, and no one really cared much for it when I was a kid.

I guess I didn't think they did.

Oh, those Iraqi veterans.

Crazy as shit.

I mean, that's not nice to say.

I'm sorry.

Hello.

We'll call and count up the tanking at the moment.

How?

And the last one.

Thank you, Fridge Bulb.

This has been fun.

You sent in a lot of numbers, and I appreciate that.

Yeah, thank you, buddy.

Yeah, man.

We had some fun.

Nothing too crazy, but, eh.

I love to keep things rolling.

That's it for the UK.

All right.

So we can end the show now, or we can just do this.

Let me see what Jaime sent in real quick

Because Jaime was patient

Yes, yes

You were whining about Artie earlier, man

You know, these other guys

Hey, Dad

You should call up and apologize

Don't you ever

Jaime sent in a number

Says, I have no idea who she is

But I just pranked her a few minutes ago

And we still have evil Artie

Now we just gotta get you and Tuck

Fucking friendly again

yeah look who is talking over here

what's your problem

but hey that's right

but I'm number two

I'm number two boys

everybody else is

I'm number zero

Tuck is number one

you're number zero one

it's either nothing or you

you're gonna be upset with Tabachi

when he's co-hosting with me here soon

in the studio

you're gonna be upset

you'll be all butt hurt

what's going on nigga

what are you doing

sir

who the fuck

that

you son of a bitch

you call her on the radio

baby

I'll stop

I'm gonna beat y'all

I'll make them fucking find you

I'll kill you

You killed two guys, you'll be my third one.

You rot in the dick and stab me in the fucking throat.

Call her again, bitch.

I'm tired.

Son of a bitch I am.

Trust me.

I'll kill you.

Kill you.

You fucking call her again.

I'm available.

I will find this fucking ass.

I don't give a fuck.

Fuck who this is.

You can be some bitch ass redneck.

Die, you bitch ass.

You call her unavailable again.

You want to call her rejected?

I'll fucking, fucking, fucking kill you.

We're calling from a payphone in Alaska.

How are you going to get to Alaska?

Oh my God.

English, you fucking bitch.

Dad, you cunt ass.

Fuck around with me.

Oh, yeah.

Who is it?

Hey, who is it?

This is Cross.

Cross?

Just, you know, Cross.

This is Cross.

Just calling and I called this number and there's a gentleman that's just yelling at me and shit.

What's his problem?

Hi, who is this?

This is Cross.

What's your problem?

Go make me a sandwich.

Who are you calling for?

I want a sandwich.

Go make one and put him back on the phone.

No, who is this?

This is Cross.

Who are you calling for?

It's none of your business.

It's man business.

Put him on the phone.

No, I want to know, because this is my phone.

Okay, so what?

So who is this?

This is Cross.

You called me, though, so who is this?

This?

Do you have something to write with, honey?

No, but I want to know who this is, because this is my number.

You've explained this to me three times already.

My name is Cross.

Yeah, but who are you looking for?

But who is this?

I'm looking for you.

I have no idea.

I don't know.

Well, why'd you call unavailable?

Do I need to use crayons and draw?

Yeah, you called my phone.

Oh, my God.

So, you called your phone?

What do you...

What's the problem with calling a phone?

Isn't that what it's for?

Nothing.

I just want to know who you're looking for.

Just you, you know?

Well, do you know me or what?

No.

Okay.

Well, how'd you get my number?

Well, because...

Go ahead, Tabachi, go ahead.

Well, you found your number at the office.

At the office?

Yeah.

After your inspection.

Put them all on the phone.

Come on.

Wait, what about you?

I'm 53.

Oh, my God.

Okay, but why are you calling my phone?

Okay, because, because, you got paper?

Get a paper and a pen.

Yeah.

You got it?

Yeah.

Okay, see?

Got it?

Yeah.

See?

Okay, okay.

I have that for you.

I was confused.

Oh, my.

Oh.

Hey, listen, I want to make an order.

Okay, go ahead.

Yeah, I want to make an order for bullshit stupid.

For bullshit stupid.

For it?

Bullshit stupid stuff.

You do. You have stupid crap that makes people sick.

I saw you on the TV that you're making people sick.

That's what I have for you, isn't it?

Yeah, it is. Listen.

Wash your hands.

Sorry, I'm busy.

Deliver your sister to me. Do you have a sister?

Where's your sister? Bring her to me.

I will eat your sister.

Okay, sorry, I'm busy.

Can I eat your sister, please?

Bring forth the woman.

I meant...

Hello?

No, I'm sorry.

No, I was trying to say the first number that we called.

I don't know what the hell that was about.

I was confused. I thought it was a recording.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah, I was just sitting there letting it go.

I was like, this is a weird voicemail.

And there she was, an effeminate black kid talking.

So I'm going to call him back from the Google voice line, which does show a call already.

As the church, or who are we calling it?

I'll just call him myself.

We'll see what's going to happen now that I'm blocked.

Now that I'm, what is it?

Eddie Garcia.

Hello.

Yeah, what's up, kid?

You said to call back unblocked.

Okay, who is this now?

Yeah, I'm blocking my number, so.

I don't know who this is.

This is Eddie Garcia, yo.

Well, I don't know who you are.

Why are you calling me?

Do you have panties?

I want to smell them and make a soup with the dirty panties.

Hey, what's up?

Hey, what up, dawg?

Call me.

Yeah, I'm blocking my number, yo.

Blocking your number, yo?

Yeah.

Listen, does that girl have panties that she could give me?

Dirty panties?

I'd like to make a soup with them.

I want to boil them in water and drink the soup.

Hold on.

What is it?

You were saying something?

I couldn't hear you.

I'm sorry.

Are you speaking Spanish?

You're fucking dumb.

No.

Hello?

Hello, you said something was gonna happen if I called back without blocking my number

Okay

cap kid what are you talking about milkman oh jesus that's some racist virginia shit

oh nigger cab oh yeah okay okay i remember that yes yes yeah

we still have debbie manson yeah hi i want to make an order for pickup or delivery for pickup

cup what what can i get for you what for me yes listen i want a soup i have soup we only have

pizza but listen you have water there you have water right maybe in the water you put your

panties and you boil it for a while and then i drink the soup the water keep going this is

interesting i like to drink that it's a fetish it's called oh cool that's cool it's called fish

Is this 206-235-3979?

Oh my god.

They found your number.

Keep going.

Did I sing you?

I think she would do it.

It's hot.

She sounded kind of hot.

Hot Mama's Pizza, that's who we're recalling.

Do you still have her Debbie's number?

Debbie Manfield's number?

I don't know if we do.

Castro?

Castro District?

No, except you're going to Oregon.

Yeah, right.

Do you want someone to help you?

Yeah, the soup?

Is it possible to get that?

I'm not the delivery lady that you talked to a second ago.

I wanted to make an order for soup.

I don't have soup.

Okay, but...

Can you stop calling the store?

Listen, put your panties, your used panties in the water.

Can you please stop calling the store?

I just want panty soup, please.

Can you please stop calling the store?

If you could just tell me yes or no, you can make panty soup.

No, I'm not making you panty soup, asshole.

Do you want my panties?

It wasn't my panties, it was the other guy's, Milkman.

The black guy's.

But it's become your panty soup.

You guys, everyone loved that.

You and Hollywood, Milkman and Hollywood loved that thing.

I don't know why.

I just said the story about the panty drop.

It's so simple, it's beautiful.

I told you it was a real story

When I was in high school

There was a guy who had a tricked out truck

And he had a tricked out van

And he had a big mattress in the back

Yeah, hi, listen, I'm calling from the panty dropper

I'm with the panty dropper

I drive a van that's called the panty dropper

It has a mattress in the back

What can I do for you?

I want to make an order for soup

What kind of soup?

Panty soup

You put your panties in the water and you boil it and drink it

We're done

That's it, I'm done

It's 2 o'clock

That's good

very nice

look I don't need

your mercy

I need your charity

guys alright

you know

that's another prank

yeah but yeah

you guys laugh at that

prank but it's a

true story

there was a guy

in the town

he's a girl

you wanna hear that

shit I'll play that

shit

hang on

Oakman

quiet

listen

IG's asking

do we still have

Divvy Mansfield's

number

we're not gonna

get to it tonight

but do we

do we still have

her number

somewhere

Oh, we have access to it. Yeah, I have access to it, and it's also gone.

We got it. Maybe next week.

We should call it.

I'm interested in driving your van machine.

I like driving vans. I used to own a van when I was in high school.

I had a mattress in the back, and I called it the Panty Dropper.

And I, like, rode it on the sides of it and everything.

Yeah, so I even installed in the back, like, a big amp.

And I used to play my guitar, my electric guitar, in the van.

Look, are you interested in the position? Because if so, that's fine.

But if you're going to prank call, then I...

No, I mean, you're not allowed to make assumptions.

I'm just telling you, I used to own a van.

I didn't know how to drive a van.

I have credentials, lady.

I have experience in the van machine.

What's the problem?

What kind of, are these, what ton?

Are these 1.5 ton vans or two?

Are they two or 1.5 tons?

I have no idea.

I'm not in control.

Well, why good are you?

Can you put a man on the phone who can answer my questions?

You'd be a little bit nicer.

Maybe I can help you.

I don't have to be nice.

I'm applying for a job.

Okay, well, in this case, the position's been filled.

If I call back and it's not filled, it's against the law.

You understand that?

Equal opportunity.

You know what?

I'm going to call.

What's your name and number?

I'm going to answer the phone each time.

So, sir, what is your name and number?

I'm going to call the news solvers right now that you're discriminating against me.

I'm not discriminating, sir.

I'm just trying to get your information.

Well, you already told me.

You already told me the position is filled, so I hope that it's not filled.

Maybe there's another position.

What?

Is it Carter?

Sir, can I have your name and your phone number?

Jack, you're very rude.

You're very rude.

You know what?

I decline your application.

I'm not approving you.

I command you to hang up the phone now because I am superior to you.

What are you going to do?

Will you admit inferiority?

Go ahead.

Admit it.

You're inferior.

Hang up the phone.

Exactly.

See?

Nigger forgiveness?

What are you talking about?

Yeah, so, all right, so, yeah, there we go.

Someone's asking for a link to Nigger Cab.

That is the prank call that started it all.

all that's one of the original brief rundown play it brief so it is it's it's an old i'm not gonna

play it's too long man i'll play at the end of the show i'll link you to it it's like nine minutes

long dude i'm gonna go home damn i'm sorry well i just linked them the end cab but uh there you go

you know so listen listen before that we have something more important we're gonna try to call

debbie okay go ahead and never mind i'm gonna call debbie mansfield let's see if we can hold

Let's call Debra.

And then we'll play Nigger Cab and then we'll go.

You want me to just...

I was just saying for people tuning in that don't hear all these...

The number you are calling has privacy manager.

A caller ID service.

Oh.

Oh no, she got call manager?

She got call manager.

Yeah, Pennyman, the number you heard her say

it's some whatever random...

She said whatever random Skype number

comes up sometimes.

It's not even my number. I don't have a number

What did it ask for? To ask you to leave your name or leave a number?

You got your spoofing still? Can you spoof a number?

I think somebody was relieving their cell phone error that grandmother was.

Somebody was frigging their granny.

Hello.

Debbie.

Hello.

Hi, Debbie. How are you?

I like pineapples.

You do?

Why do I need to hear this?

Do you douche with coconut juice?

No, but I shoot with a .357.

Bullshit.

There you go.

There's your Debbie Mansfield.

Pull her back real quick.

I'm going to cue up the thing of her

cursing us out.

Cursing you guys out.

I'm going to cue that up and put it into the mic.

Okay, cool. Are you ready?

That's true, dude, like, what would you say?

Kiss My Pussy.

We're gonna hear it, because I just gonna play it now.

It's not on here, what the heck?

It's only doing my math.

I can play it.

Okay, you do it.

What's it called? What's that prank called, though?

It's called, um, it's not, it wasn't isolated, but it's on Kiss My Pussy.

Kiss My Pussy, yeah.

And it's like a minute and ten, it's like an hour and ten minutes in, or so.

Why can't I find Kiss My Pussy? What the hell?

I don't know, I can't find it here.

Are you sure it's called Kiss My Pussy?

Yeah.

Oh, no, the old Deborah calls.

Well, the last one.

Yeah, that's a good one, dude.

She goes off out of her head about a man.

Yeah, she's like, oh, you white people ain't nothing but asshole suckers and lickers and shit.

You kiss my pussy!

Oh, I got it, I got it, I got it.

Hey, just let me cue it up.

You kiss my pussy!

What's it called?

Because I can't find it on her kiss my pussy.

That's kind of weird.

Oh, I got it.

I got it.

Wait, just let me cue it.

I'll kill Dark Stranger's pussy in a second.

Tell you what.

Dark Stranger's asking, why do I wear my wedding ring on my right?

I don't wear it on my right hand.

It's on my left hand.

You've got the camera on the mirror.

Probably.

But no.

Long dark stranger.

When I got married in the Greek church, I guess they put the wedding ring on the right hand.

Because during the ceremony, they put it on my right hand.

It was weird.

And I was like, wait a minute.

This is weird.

You ready yet, IG?

Uh, like, it'll get, like, another 15 seconds, I'll get it.

Let me see.

And it got to the end part, too, you know, where the...

Okay, like, one call, it's gonna be like a...

I got it, I got it, I got it.

I'm already laughing.

Alright, here we go.

Wait, let me know if it's clear first.

Alright, go.

Put the banana.

Horse.

Yeah, you were sucking his monkey's dick.

It's good, it's good, it's good

Go back

Yeah

So she won't answer

We'll call her back next week, maybe

It's been about this since I called her

Yeah, so, okay

Yeah, you gotta

Never, never does

No, you're right, you got a point

Well, there we go

Milkman, really, I'm gonna play an end cab

At the end of the show

Like, I'm gonna play

Right, yeah, well, the thing is

That was seen before Madhouse started

Milkman, take us out of here, all right?

Right.

I'm done.

Milkman, take us out of here.

Oh, are we out of here?

Yep.

Sure, Manito.

Well, it's that time again.

I sure hope you've enjoyed this.

You're being safe.

We had quite a few.

We had Evil Artie.

We had...

2K10.

...229.

There was another guy.

K-what?

Tabachi's on the line now, and IG69 is on right now.

All right.

IG69, Tabachi, we had a great show.

sure do

enjoy having you guys along

you had as much fun

as I did

with your

spleen

I can't see

but I know you're there

thank you so much

for showing up

you know

you guys

we love you

you guys are dedicated

to show up

and what's your time

is that better yet

bring it at me

but it's that much

we enjoy

the show

right here

we got

you got

the air monobody

in this world

thank you

thank you milkman

alright well I ask

thanks to everyone

who co-hosted today

it's about you

UK Ted

Dead, Mikey129, Milkman, myself, and IG69.

Everyone who sent in numbers, including Jaime,

and who else sent in numbers today?

Fridgebulb, LonesomeLoser, of course, already mentioned.

Brendan sent in numbers.

Nunu sent in numbers.

I'm sure I'm missing some of you.

Myra sent in numbers during the week previously.

A lot of people sent in numbers.

All of you are appreciated.

Thank you all.

And all the listeners, thank you.

We'll be back next week.

Well, you know what?

I don't know if we're going to be.

You're going to have to watch the website for that one.

I'll make a Facebook announcement or something.

I don't know.

Keep an eye on the website because the air monitor has got things he's going to have to take me out.

Yes.

Please.

Keep your breast all right.

Yes, we will.

But, yeah, it's nothing certain, major milkman.

Who cares?

It's just surgery.

Anyway.

All right.

Well, it's serious, dude.

So, yeah.

Cheers and love you.

It's going to be.

Well, thanks.

Everybody, we'll catch you next week.

MadHouseLife.com.

And thank you, everyone, on Blue Planet Radio.

Also, Blue Planet, Frank Holtz Radio, calling, hosting US.

Bye!

I'm not sticking your ass.

Who the fuck are you?

Listen here, sir.

Now, I don't understand you.

I don't appreciate your violence with me.

Now, I'm the manager here at the bar, and I need to get this man out of here.

He can't drive.

Now, are you going to help us out or not?

You jive turkey-ass motherfucker.

What are your problems now?

Jive turkey, you bitch.

You didn't hear, boy.

You don't talk to me like that now.

You jive.

Who are you?

You damn racist people over here, random car taxi company.

You going to come pick the man up or not?

You jive turkey motherfucker.

Who are you speaking to, son?

What are your names?

Let me speak to your manager.

I don't know, but you better talk white in about three seconds or your ass is going to be fucking knowing something about fucking off, buddy.

Now, I need to know if you can come pick up your man or not.

Where the hell are you?

We're over here at Dicky Doo's in Deberry.

Dicky Doo's?

Yeah.

Man, you just show me a place, dude. I'm about to come whoop some motherfuckers ass because I don't even know who the fuck you're talking about.

How much you going to charge you got to pick somebody up over here at the taxi cab?

Man, this ain't no motherfucking taxi cab.

Uh, this is a taxi cab.

I'm trying to fucking pick somebody up. I'm gonna whoop his goddamn ass.

I'll kick your ass, you son of a bitch, and your goddamn mother.

What?

I'll murder your mother.

You motherfucking nigger, how you like that, you piece of shit?

I'm not a motherfucking nigger, you son of a bitch.

You nigger, motherfucker.

He's probably a nigger, man.

What? What? What are you doing? Oh, sir, let me speak to Michael Frazier.

Man, I'm a motherfucking, this is a private goddamn phone.

This is a white man that don't want to hear from no goddamn niggas calling me in the fuckin' middle of the night.

Listen. Listen, boy. Listen, boy. Listen, boy. Listen, boy.

I'll show you a boy with a 12-gauge shotgun, motherfucker.

Listen, cracker.

Listen here, cracker. Listen here, cracker.

I'll show you some fuckin' three-letter, motherfucker.

I'll see you here. I'll see you here. I'll see you here in your taxi.

I'm gonna urinate in your gas tank.

I don't give a shit about gas tank. I'll show you some fuckin' nut in your ass.

Shut up, motherfucker.

I don't know who the fuck you are.

Who you? Are you Michael Frazier?

Man, this ain't Michael Frazier, man. This is a motherfucking white man.

Shut up.

I'm going to have the wrong number then.

Yeah, you got the fucking wrong number, so fucking don't call this number again.

Listen here. Listen here. Hang on.

Listen here. You tell me where the fuck you are and I'm going to come in and beat you up.

Hello, this is David, the manager here at the bar. What seems to be a problem?

I don't care what the fuck is a problem, but someone's calling up my goddamn phone.

I ain't a fucking taxi key.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Now listen to me.

I heard I've had you calling my disestablishment plenty of times now, and I'm going to have a trace.

Why are you calling here being violent?

We've had some guy calling here making racist comments before.

Is this him?

I ain't calling making racist comments.

I'm calling racist comments now because I want to hear some fucking nigger call me.

Excuse me.

Leroy over here is saying you're calling him a nigger and stuff.

I am calling him a nigger because he's calling my goddamn phone.

So what do you want?

Why do you have to call people nigger for?

What's your problem?

We're calling the taxi service and trying to get in touch with Mr. Frazier.

Calls (41, 2 h 2 min of 3 h 58 min)

Transcript

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