Return of the Horse – Thanksgiving 2011

What the fuck do you want, Mike Tucker?

Go away.

How many turkeys did you eat today?

All right, well, it sounds like someone's had a little bit too much to drink tonight,

but I'm going to let you go, okay?

No, please, I want to make them have a credit card.

I don't understand why you keep calling me, or you called me before,

and then you're calling me now, talking to me about a horse again.

Honestly, if you want to come and talk to me about a horse,

why don't you come down here and talk to me to my face?

Listen, you touched the horse, and I got turned on, and I like it.

Who the fuck is this?

Motherfucker, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Motherfucker!

Hey everybody, good evening.

Good evening.

Fucking odd, the music is choppy again.

There's a problem.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thanksgiving to everyone in America.

You're in Canada, that was like three months ago or something.

You're in Europe, you don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

You're in Australia, you're a piece of shit.

But anyway, good evening, thanks for being here tonight, Madhouse Radio.

Thanksgiving 2011.

on 11 milkman will be joining us shortly jen stewart cannot make it tonight i am here that's

all you need you hear that you hear the music i don't know what that it's a if me talking sounds

just fine but it's something with this fucking music and it gets worse and worse every week

i don't get it something here is not jiving i can't figure out what it is that interferes with

it or it's a little better now what's behaving now anyway so good evening sending your prank

requests as soon as you can

I think UK Ted sent some in already

but they are all

appreciated throughout the night

and you can send those in

if you are using AOL Instant Messenger

that's Madhouse Radio

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we are on Twitter and Facebook

book check both of those out when you get a chance said before milkman will join us shortly i hope

you're all having a great holiday weekend majority of you should be already um done with that even

on the west coast 716 unless you're working today or doing a late thanksgiving i've been there

before that's understandable just not being able to be a family that's okay a lot of people have

been asking me what's going on with the the eye oh yeah i had uh i had that big nasty injection

injection yesterday oh boy i mean that's a whole story behind that get to that in a little bit uh

but i'm okay um it was worse today than it was yesterday it is thanksgiving so we'll play the

holiday music since the holidays unofficially so they officially start tonight anyway uh yeah i got

that uh avastin uh injection in the eye i thought it was just an injection and i heard it was

avastin i was like wait a minute then they got taken off the market uh it's a cancer drug that

but they prescribe off-label for eye trouble.

Last week, as a matter of fact, it was taken off the FDA,

unapproved it for breast cancer purposes.

I don't know why, but you can still use it for other cancers,

just not the titty cancer.

Sorry, Dark Stranger.

And they put that in my eye.

Not fun.

Started off, they sat me down, and I'm all nervous as hell.

Before that, I took some oxycodones just to calm myself down.

And if I still smoked pot and weed, both of them together, I would probably have smoked a lot of it before I went.

But I went anyway.

Had to do it.

Had to be done.

This is in preparation for my surgery on Monday.

But anyway, I went in and, you know, they're telling me, oh, it sounds worse than it is, but you probably are nervous.

So they start out, you know, they put some numbing drops in and then they do the first injection is one that goes right under the skin.

Well, you know, you don't necessarily have skin on your eye, but if you get like a skin-like layer on your eye

and then there's the actual inside of the eye itself so the first injection is just to numb

the eye itself takes about 10 minutes to set in and uh that one's almost like uh like doing a skin

pop almost for you heroin users out there you know what i'm talking about our junkie friends

big fans of madhouse out there that was the first one he did that by surprise

this is the first injection ready here you go pow i'm like whoa felt that one and it went away

real quick and everything got numb and then uh he comes by to do the second one which goes into

to the eye completely through the eye but it goes to the side um uh he tells the doctor tells me

well we're gonna wash your eye three times with this betadine stuff and then i'll do the injection

and he uh so he's holding my eyes look to the left and up and look to the left and down and

he's watching he washes the app first with the swab and then he goes okay here's the next one

and he does it and i feel like a squirt and then he goes all right you're ready for the injection

like you already did it didn't he's like yep so i didn't feel the injection at all but i could

feel like the feeling as if you were injecting

I could

feel the change in pressure in my eye

as he injected the syringe into my eye

but really quick I gotta commend him

he's done it about a thousand times

in his office he does it a lot

but it didn't start hurting until that

until this morning

well the numbing stuff wore out

and then

well yesterday it was uncomfortable

it was very itchy it felt like I had a hair in my eye

but I was told specifically do not scratch

your eye no matter what do not scratch

A few folks are fans of the movie Minority Report.

If you remember when Tom Cruise's character got the eye transplant

and the crazy Russian doctor told him,

Do not scratch. Never scratch.

You probably know what I'm talking about.

I didn't scratch. I just took some more of that Oxycodone and knocked myself out.

Woke up this morning. My eye was completely crusted over from all the weeping it did.

I couldn't open my eye. It was full of eye boogers.

I went to the bathroom and, you know, turned the sink on, brushed my teeth, and used water from the sink to open up my eye.

And the minute I opened it, sure enough, I'm staring right at the light in the bathroom.

And as the light hits my eyes, you know, your pupils dilate as you go from light to dark light, you know, bright light to dark light and vice versa.

That's what hurts right now.

So that's why I only got the background light on today.

um i wore sunglasses even around even when it was nighttime i was wearing sunglasses inside where

we had thanksgiving dinner it was that bad but yeah the only pain that i've got now is uh if i

look at a light as my eye adjusts as the pupil you know adjusts and it hurts as it's doing that

and for a few seconds after that then it subsides it throbs and it goes away and if i cough or

sneeze it hurts um the eye looks red um especially when the ejection site is it looks like a beast

on me but not too bad did i do a shit in the toilet in the bathroom i i did but later on and

that hurt too as i pushed out my shit thanks for bringing that up noon a good point that's a good

question though i would i would have asked the same thing um so yeah surgery on monday um the

big question is will my retina detach during the procedure i think to be honest i think my retina

has already detached because it went from being cloudy to a big dark spot in the middle i'm not

not a doctor but i'd say the retina has already detached but it may not have i'm not you know i

never know well we'll find out monday when i wake up from anesthesia they'll tell me whether or not

my retina is detached and if it is then i'll be uh spending a week facing down as i've talked

about before so i won't do a show next week if that's the case and uh if not if everything goes

well like with the first surgery then that won't be an issue i'll be able to just do the show like

normal i know this should be the last of the surgeries the last of everything depending

anything else you only got one appendix so they can't really i can't rupture another one they

already took it out that's that that's my eye wish me all the best of luck i know you're all

behind me athena watched them do the injection and she said it was she she had a hard time

watching them put a needle my twice especially the second one she said it just she just about

passed out blame her only reason i could go through with that was because i know i had to

number one number two i couldn't see it because i can't see out of the eye anyway it came from the

side like a ninja ninja says do upside down so i'm not going to be upside down i'll be facing

thing down it's not much of a show i'll do my show with my ass up in the camera maybe maybe

tuck in milkman or someone or brad carter maybe you guys can do a show and i can call in i don't

know i think i'll be so pissed off like on purpose i haven't been watching anything on netflix

i uh i've been putting my affairs in order like i got my next netflix instant queue uh all loaded

up with uh stuff i want to watch and i purposely haven't been watching it uh so that in case you

The retina does attach, and I end up facing down.

I can use my Android phone just to go through Netflix all weekend.

Downloaded some movies.

I got the server computer here that I'm doing a show on.

I've got that streaming to the Android.

I got it working, so any movies I download on the torrent, I can watch on my phone.

Or on the PlayStation 3, for that matter.

I did a lot of work on my PS3 this week.

I've got it playing serious satellite radio now using a program on my server.

i can listen to satellite radio on my ps3 i can listen to internet radio i can listen to cacti

radio um all my podcasts video non-video podcasts i can watch and listen to them on the ps3 it's

really awesome it's good stuff william i don't think i'm gonna prank my doctor until after he

releases me let's wait till after the surgery let's not piss my doctor off beforehand purposely

detach my right now anyway so black friday on the east coast starts in about an hour and a half and

and the domino effect continues across the coast.

I understand Toys R Us opened at 9 tonight, from what I understand.

Athena's out with her family still.

We did our holiday stuff at Family of the Families, I guess.

That makes no sense.

Distant relatives of my wife's went to their house, huge house.

I made a comment, it felt like the beginning of The Sopranos

when Tony Soprano drives up to the big mansion at the credits

edits in the beginning of the show that's exactly what it felt like big house like that neighborhood

looked just like that i drank a lot so i get through talked to my nephew he's a teenager

when he's 19 18 19 first year in college talked about college talked about calculus talked about

penn state where he's going all the shit that's going on there talked about drinking all the

experiences he's having drinking now in college i got the tangaree here next to me cracking that

bottle you guys should all be drinking tonight this is what i'll be drinking tonight i'm moving

Moving up, last year it was Beefeaters, this year it's Tanqueray.

To be honest with you, this is my preferred gin, Tanqueray.

I know it's not the best gin, it's not the most expensive either.

I feel you get the best bang for your buck when you drink Tanqueray.

It's not swill, you pay a little bit of a premium moving up from Seagram's,

but at the same vein, you're not wasting money on Bombay Sapphire,

which is okay, I mean, it's okay with gin,

but for what you pay for that shit, it's not really worth it.

Let's see if I get through this whole bottle.

I don't even know what size this is.

this is a pint 375 milliliters i have no idea that's a pint half pint full pint cold gin time

it's not cold i got ice i got some diet tonic over here too looks like milkman's calling let's

connect him here and get this show started well some losers in the house got some numbers from

uk ted sent in some music that's good music send us some numbers hey you ready oh hello

what happened to this stupid idiot i don't know what happened to my phone it's got like a bacon

Bacon symbol on it.

It says bacon.

It's got wavy lines on it.

I meant to put Milkman on speaker.

It didn't work.

Let's go on for Skype.

I'm presuming he's ready.

Hang on, UK Ted.

I'll connect you in a second.

I'm busy right now.

Take it easy.

Go have some turkey.

A text message.

What's this?

Please enjoy the following music while your party is being reached.

Hey.

What's up, man?

Hey, Bonchot.

How you doing?

Good to be here.

Keep playing, keep playing.

Not that much.

You working tonight?

All turkey eyes.

I'm all right.

I didn't have too much.

I behaved.

You know, I'm really pissed off that we went out for Thanksgiving.

The bad thing about this is I had no leftovers, so no sandwich at midnight.

You know, it sucks.

Well, at least you got to have Thanksgiving, dude.

I didn't do anything, man.

There's nobody here to have it with, so it's not working.

You could have had something.

You could have masturbated watching porno.

Oh, man.

You know, I get tired of watching the gay porn all the time, dude.

That just doesn't work for me.

They got straight porn now on the internet.

Huh?

They have straight porn now on the internet.

Yeah, but you never sent me any.

You never sent me any gay shit.

No, I'm sorry.

I can't deal with that.

Come on.

That's what I watch.

What do you want?

Well, after I saw the one with Katie Gay, dude, you know, when that transvestite attacked

there and found out it was real, I was like, oh my God.

Kind of like soured my video experience for life, dude.

Right.

Never been the same.

All right.

Well, cool.

Well, have fun working.

Happy Thanksgiving regardless.

Yeah.

I think I'm going to, I don't think there's no Kentucky Chicken Fries open, so I don't know if I could do that.

And like, oh man, I'm going to.

There you go.

All right.

I got upset because.

As long as somebody else believes that they're actually happy, it'd be good, you know.

Well, like I said, we went over to a house that, you know, wasn't, I don't really know those people.

We had Thanksgiving there and I couldn't eat a lot, but I came home.

I was like, I'm going to eat, you know, I'm going to eat more.

Like you went to Guido's house because you said something about like Sopranos or something.

It was like Tony Soprano's house we went to or something.

But, yeah, it was crazy.

I saw that on Facebook.

Was that something to do with some Italian people or what?

No, they're Greek people, but this guy's like a baller.

A group?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

It was like a freaking mansion.

I don't know those people, you know, from anything.

So I couldn't eat a lot of food.

I couldn't go crazy.

I got home.

I was like, all right, well, I'm going to order some pizza.

I'm sure the pizza place, you know, is open.

And they're all closed.

So I couldn't.

There wasn't a Sopranos.

It was actually a Stephanopoulos.

Stephanopoulos.

The Molokas.

what happened to davi man davi the cat yeah yeah how's he doing he's a piece of shit oh my god i

heard i i heard word from the arm i got like a uh like one of those like tweets a special arm tweet

and they think man is that like davi's gonna davi uh pissed on uh he peed on my um what he peed on

on my blanket while I was sleeping.

Pissed me off.

I spanked him

and I threw him in his crate for two hours.

I'm part of his territory now.

I can't eat this.

Yeah, right.

I thought we were cool. I gave him the benefit of the doubt

because there was a new alarm

clock and I figured maybe he got scared of the new

alarm clock and he peed.

So he peed

on the blanket

because of the alarm clock?

I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

He hasn't peed anywhere in this new apartment, you know, at all.

I figured, all right, he didn't do it on purpose.

Then yesterday I caught him peeing in the corner, so I put him away.

What's the condition of his box situation there, man, his ripper station?

His litter box is clean.

It's fine.

I mean, do I know smells?

No, it doesn't smell at all to me.

It's clean.

It was just cleaned out the other day, and he did that.

How many kitties do you use in the box, though?

We have three boxes, two cats.

And he won't go to any of them?

He goes on the floor?

Well, he goes there, but then all of a sudden he started peeing on something.

He peed on a...

There was a box on the floor.

I got a delivery from Amazon, and it had the empty box on the floor, and he went over

and he peed on it.

I caught him in the act, and I grabbed him by the nape of his neck, and I made him smell

it like a dog.

I don't know if it works on cats, but I kept telling him no.

Oh, I've done that before, dude.

I don't know if it works, man.

I don't think it works.

Cats don't understand.

Cats don't understand that.

What else can you do?

What are you going to do?

Beat them up.

I told Athena I was going to...

I told Athena that...

I told Athena that she had better get home,

that I was going to do something to him,

and she was upset.

She got upset at me.

We had a big argument.

Oh, Jesus.

Well, have you been cut?

No, I'm not cut.

I don't get cut.

I don't get cut, no.

We're calling China, Milkman.

First call tonight.

No, no, has he been cut?

Has the cat been cut?

Yeah, yeah, but the thing is,

Because if you don't catch a cat before they start spraying, if you get them fixed after they start, they never stop.

Oh, he was old when you got him?

He was a year old. It was already too late.

They say cats, you got to catch them before.

You got to catch them before.

Quiet.

Ni hao.

Ni hao ma. This is China.

Ni hao. Jin Chang.

Hi. Good evening. I am an American.

My name is Tom Cruise.

What? I'm sorry. I can't hear you.

Shut up. Stupid. My name is Tom Cruise. I'm an American.

Do you understand?

No, sorry.

Do you have an English speaker there?

Wait a minute.

Yeah.

Hello?

Yes, hi. Do you speak English?

No.

Does anyone speak English there? Is this full of stupid monkey people?

I don't understand.

Liu Qing can understand, right?

Just a moment

Hello

Hi stupid Chinese

Do you speak English?

A little

Yeah I love you

Tiananmen Square

Beijing

Nepal

Dalai Lama

Republic of Taiwan

You understand?

Sorry

Taiwan independence

Tiananmen Square massacre

massacre. Tiananmen Square Massacre, 1989, June.

There's more Chinese here. We got a lot of Chinese places. I think the running idea is that if I

mention things that are unmentionables in China, I might be able to cause a problem.

We are calling the People's Republic of China, Milkman. Oh my, I know this could be an

international incident milkman did you hear what happened iran claims claims that they arrested 12

cia agents yes if you want to believe them in iran if you want to take their word for that

since those people lie about everything but so do the israelis and americans when it comes to

some things but they say that they arrested 12 people who are cia agents um i think at the most

if they did arrest anybody they were you know iranians who were paid by the cia to you know

carry out stuff but we continue marching closer and closer to war with iran

you think it's bullshit we might call iran and ask him about that yeah i'm gonna tell him i'm a

cia agent at the homo homo homo homosexual hotel that's what the guy says when i call

us a no no no it's not homo homo homo homo yes hi this is a homosexual man from the united states

of america how are you hello hello stupid chinga to wally hello hi chinga to wally

yes hi ni hao ma i am an american i am homosexual hello

i said chinga to wally way yeah i know that's

they don't know what homo means like oh very good

Awesome.

You want to count it?

Maybe like ease into them.

Hey, hey, hey.

By the way, I'm a homo.

I should start out with number...

You have to thought, you know.

I'll start out with number nine with egg roll

and then move into that.

Let me ask him for number nine with egg roll first, okay?

Number nine with egg roll.

Hi.

Yes, hi.

Number nine with egg roll, please.

Give me a chance.

I tried your way, milkman.

Ni hao.

Hi, how are you?

what the

that's not nice

that's a fax machine

milkman

they're faxing

they're like

really hitting fast

hello

that was a different place

what the hell's going on

is there something up

where they don't talk to you

maybe something's on

that damn skype dude

skype

you know on the other side

sounds funky

the chinese invented it

don't they

well

they invented the airplane

and uh

the telegraph

the thing

the tv

my car

hard to get along

with kim chi too man

kim chi

Gee, that's Korean.

Yeah.

But they like it in China.

The first Chinese lady said, she said, kimchi good.

We are calling China, everybody. China.

There's nowhere even open, like, I don't know.

Hello. Welcome to the Dian Yu Meng Yuan restaurant.

We will be serving you. Please wait a moment.

Hello. Hi. How are you?

Yes, hello. How are you?

Yes, hi. I'd like number nine with egg roll.

Can you say number nine with egg roll, please?

I can't understand what you're saying.

Uh, you speak English?

God damn, you're fucking dumb.

There, fucking done.

You know, I really wish we could call North Korea,

but they don't have any phones there, man.

We tried to find...

Shut up.

We won't take the zero.

Um, yeah, Lonesome spent an evening once

trying to find his numbers in North Korea.

and he's like, dude, there are no phones

in North Korea, I can't find her fucking number

the best he could do, he found

the North Korean embassy in Japan

and I called and I was making nasty

comments and the guy told me to email him

email North Korea

it was like, info at

NorthKorea.NK or something like that

whatever it was, and I hung up

on Milkman in an accident

please enjoy the following music while your party is being reached

oh, I hung up on UK Ted

hey,

Hey, sorry about that.

Hit the wrong button there, buddy.

That was like an older show, wasn't it?

An older show?

Yeah, the North Korea thing, yeah.

Yeah, I remember the guy wanted to e-mail, and he was real calm.

Yeah, he was like, oh, we will please email ilfo at northkorea.nk.

I'm like, no.

UK Ted, how are you?

Hey, Kali sir.

Good to hear you, man.

Good to hear you.

Happy Thanksgiving, you bastard.

Yeah, happy Wanksgiving.

There you go.

Wanksgiving.

I like that.

That was a pretty horrific story you were telling earlier.

About the needle in the eye or the Sopranos?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, well, it's true.

Look it up.

No, I believe you.

I believe you.

you want to see something else

look up vitrectomy surgery

that's what I'm having on Monday

it'll be my second time getting that

I had it on the left eye, now the right eye

you really want to lose your marbles

do that

vitrectomy

oh god, I'm looking at images

that's like the

cat bit my cock again

that's worse than clockwork orange

yeah, well, it's got to be done

why would you do that to yourself

I want to see. It worked on my laptop.

Hi.

你好。

你吃了中华吗?

什么?

中华吗?

说什么?

你吃了中华吗?我吃了中华吗?

你打什么地方?

吗?

你打什么地方?

你吃了吗?

您打什么地方的电话吗?

I've run out of Chinese.

What were you telling her?

I don't know.

You don't know?

I've been listening to Jin's prank calls.

They're brilliant.

He's just making noises that sound a bit Chinese.

You're just making noises.

That's awesome.

Let me try that.

Hang on.

I just had a conversation with the lady.

That's funny.

Well, there's so many different dialects there.

It's such a big place.

It just, that kind of thing happens all the time, I think.

The horse's tail is red, what?

What do you mean the horse's tail is red?

Chinese spider.

Hello, I'm Meijia.

Hello.

Hello, I'm Asha.

Excuse me, please wait a moment.

Paolu X, Rebi X.

Hello.

602.

Can you speak Chinese?

No.

You know what?

English speaking, no.

Speak English?

English speaking, no.

Okay.

No?

Sorry, sorry.

Bye-bye.

Chinga to Malay way?

Hello?

English, no speaking.

You can say it, you try it.

Say something for me.

Hang on a sec.

No.

Hello, Leijia.

Hello.

Shanghai, Beijing, Hong Kong, Tianjin, Wuhan, Guangzhou.

Shanghai, what?

Shenzhen, Shenyang, Chongqing, Nanjing.

Chinga to Malay way?

I can't understand.

Sorry. Sorry.

This is...

Oh, that's...

The problem is I can't understand Chinese now.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You speak Chinese very well.

Please wait a minute.

Hello. Hello.

Hello.

No. Hello.

What can I do for you?

I'm sorry, I can't understand.

I can't, I can't do this.

Da Shao Qiang.

Wudai.

Jian Wu Guniang.

I was saying masturbation.

I found a list of ways to say masturbation in Mandarin and Cantonese.

I figured I'd throw a matter.

Okay, there we go.

Hello.

Good times, you know, those Chinese.

Who knows what we're saying here.

here i might get in a lot of trouble with the state department that's on you uk ted you're

the one saying this stuff i'm not i'm not involved hello uk ted hello i'm here oh okay good good for

you can you can you still hear me yep i can hear you hey hey when you when you do later on the show

try not to staple you know unless you put yourself on mute like no stapling and stuff like that no

no i um i this is why i got a headset this time around i wasn't stapling i was pulling myself

away from the computer because i was laughing uh i'm just sitting on next next to last week

Oh, yeah, last week I did.

I know.

I had the podcast back.

I'm really sorry about that.

I sounded awful.

That's why I'm on a headset now.

Apologize to IG69.

He's joining in.

IG69, how are you?

Hey, guys.

IG, I'm really sorry about last week.

I was stapling.

It ruined the podcast completely.

I know, man.

Following music while your party is being reached.

Apologize in Mandarin.

Are we cool?

I'm calling Milkman back.

Milkman, lost you.

What happened?

I lost you, man.

Okay, we're going to call a liquor store in China.

I didn't know they had liquor stores there, but we'll call them.

Happy Thanksgiving.

I forgot.

Happy Thanksgiving, IG.

Especially to you, UK Ted.

Thanks.

Did you have your Thanksgiving wank already?

Definitely.

Good.

Do you have whiskey?

Hello?

Do you have whiskey?

Is this person harassing the phone?

Hello?

He said we can't talk anymore.

Hello?

I don't think she understood.

I don't think she liked it.

This is what happened.

I think we're calling Cantonese people.

I'm not sure, because I'm pretty sure Charlie is Mandarin.

They all sound the same.

It was us, Charlie.

Meeting.

Hey.

What is that?

Hey, buddy, it's Cross.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Okay, happy Thanksgiving.

Oh, okay.

Oh, you're today very smart.

Uh-huh.

How are you doing today?

God bless you.

Yeah, I'm fine.

I'm fine.

God bless you, sir.

So, Chinga two mile away.

I've been practicing it all week.

Two mile away.

You taught me.

Huh?

You taught me that.

Yeah.

What does it mean?

Can you tell me?

Yeah.

No?

So you're not going to eat a turkey?

I did already.

I didn't have a lot, no.

I would rather have some...

Where are you now?

I'm in Hawaii.

You're in Hawaii?

Uh-huh.

You sure?

I'm positive.

No, I don't think so.

Oh, where am I then, you know?

Why are you just phone number is Y000?

Y000?

Oh, I don't know.

I'm in a plane right now.

I'm on my way to China.

Hey, if we call China, would you translate for me?

I'm calling China.

Wait, wait, wait.

You, you...

I'm calling China.

Hello?

Charlie.

What?

Say hi in Chinese.

Hello?

What can I do for you?

It's off.

No, no.

You said you were a police officer.

Tell him not to call you.

Do you want to say it in Chinese?

Stop calling.

Huh?

Hello?

Speak.

Oh, man.

We lost everybody.

Who was that?

Was that Charlie's son?

I think Charlie put some real sun.

Charlie put some real sun.

It's nice to hear you and Charlie getting along.

Yeah, but now he put a sun.

I was going to say we should try and get Charlie to do some prank calls.

I'm sure if you ask him nicely.

Well, if at least he could tell us what they're saying in China.

You think they have turkey in Hawaii?

Please leave your message for eight.

Yes, I'll do that.

All right, well, there you go, folks.

Another conversation with Charlie.

I got a feeling he might not answer for a while now.

Did you get my request to prank?

Yes, I forgot about it until now. Thank you.

The first one I sent you, the number didn't work, but the second one did.

Okay, so what is it? It's some kind of imam, iman, iman?

Yeah, it's like the head imam in Sydney, Sydney Mosque.

Oh, can we ask about why he has his people bomb Jewish people?

Sure, we can. Why he hates Israel? Yeah, sure.

I think all Arabs hate it. All Muslims hate Israel.

I think it's a little bit racist to just assume that because he's Muslim, he hates all Jewish people.

Oh, you're not American.

You don't get to say that kind of stuff.

Americans get to say that.

Yeah, we've been bombed.

You guys have never been bombed.

Yeah, they flew planes into us.

7-7 was only...

What hour?

That was bad.

Pussy shit.

Pussy shit, yeah.

What, you lose like 10 people?

A few arms?

A few arms.

Yeah, but they were British people, though.

They're worth like 10 times.

They're worth 10 times an Arab person,

and Americans are worth two times a British person.

That's true.

I'm sorry, it's not funny.

7-11 attacks.

Hello?

Hello, how are you, buddy?

Is this the imam in the

Sydney mosque? Yes. Listen,

I have a question for you. Hello?

Yes, listen, if

I am Muslim, okay,

but if I accidentally eat a sausage

with pork in it, yes, I ate

a piece of pork sausage. You have?

You have a piece of? I had some

sausage on my pizza with pork.

Okay, now, does that mean, number one,

am I going to go to hell? Or am I in trouble

with Allah because I had

some sausage, pork sausage?

but if you say this is a pork one i don't don't eat but if you eat what happened i don't know

but if you ask me uh so i say don't eat but if up to you but what if i liked it sorry i like the

taste of the pork it was up to you uh you if you eat or not but if you ask me i think you don't eat

but if you eat this up to you i don't uh here to uh order you just you ask me a question i answer

answer you i cannot answer more than this you can't answer any more than that no no no no okay

all right no there you go hey man have you ever had any pork have you tried it yet you know because

i can make res i can make reservations about certain things but maybe if you sat down with

me and we had some bacon what do you think you'd be friends mr iman hello

i don't authorize this anymore i don't like that listen guys um we got a problem something's wrong

with a laptop that I use to run Skype.

It's supposed to be charging, but it says it's not.

It says it only has six minutes of battery left, and that's a problem.

So I've got to go run and check out why it's doing that.

You have the charger?

You've got to wiggle your connector.

I did. Let me try again.

The only thing I can figure is it's not connected to the wall.

Anything else is lit.

Plug it in the socket.

It's that, and it could be a cord.

Well, the same socket has the light, and that's on.

So I'm just going to check.

It might be that it got loose, the plug from the wall.

and check like the one the cord that connects the adapter well that's what i'm going to check

right now but i gotta get up to do that and i should play a prank so i just have a silence

now i do have another adapter oh it's about to it's about to fail i'm down to seven percent

um if if it uh if it fails folks don't go anywhere i will connect you all back with

your music uh you know you can uh we can handle the show for tonight if you guys you want to

head off well give me a second i'll be right back yeah oh yeah i was thinking we maybe you

Maybe Ted could call back saying he's like a converted Islamist

and he's wondering on the latest suicide bombing orders.

The latest orders.

All right, hang on.

Hang on to that phone.

So who's still online?

Hey, Milkman, you still there?

Yeah, I'm here.

So we're broadcasting.

All right, everybody.

It looks like it did fail.

I got it fixed.

I had to throw a...

I had to go over to the closet and throw the breaker.

Switch was...

The breaker was tripped.

I don't know why it happened there, but...

It seems to be charging now,

but in the meantime, the laptop did shut off.

It's resuming now, so it should come up completely set up.

If not, I would have to set it up from scratch.

Hopefully not.

Give me a second.

Stand by.

All right, there we go.

Back in.

Yeah, the Chinese Secret Service tripped the breakers.

Ha ha.

All right, let me get Milkman back on the line here.

We'll move on.

I do want to touch up, hopefully, Lonesome.

If you're listening, the Horse and Cow in Guam.

That's the restaurant we called last year and had so much fun with about masturbating horses.

It'd be nice to talk to them again.

Hello.

Hi.

Ni hao.

Hi, ni hao.

How are you?

Happy Thanksgiving.

Dude, no.

That's Chinese.

Stupid.

I've had a better time talking to, um, the Vietnamese shit.

I don't know what that's all about.

Please enjoy the following music while your party is being reached.

Chris, I don't know why you're using it when we keep switching.

Yo.

I fixed it.

Nothing.

I fixed it, sir.

What?

Breaker.

I had to trip the breaker.

I had to toggle the breaker off and on.

Breaker?

What, in the house?

Yeah, in the house.

so the power went out two days ago i didn't realize you see this charger that i use here

i used to use a different charger it's in a different plug in a different part of this room

um but i i noticed it kept making like if you listen to the show you heard

all the time during the show like bad audio and uh is because of the the chart if if the laptop

was charging while the audio from it was piping into the um into the board there was uh electric

There was resistance or whatever, interference, electromagnetic interference.

So I found out that the way around that, I have another charger for the laptop that's not grounded.

It doesn't have three plugs, just the two.

That eliminates that interference.

Dude, you got to be using your house.

Probably not.

It's an apartment.

I'm not about to.

You could like get one of those.

You just plug them right in, and they'll tell you for a few dollars.

They'll tell you.

Well, I don't care.

It's not my house.

Well, it's possible, though.

If it's not wired right, dude, that could cause a...

Well, I don't live here.

I got renter's insurance, and I don't care.

Fire, let the fires happen.

Whatever, you know?

I rent.

All right, okay.

Let the sun shine.

Like, on the menu, maybe.

On the menu.

Back on the menu.

Roasted toffee.

Anyway, so, Milkman, what's going on?

You at work yet?

Dude, it's nowhere.

I can't even get a fucking meal for even anywhere.

Well, nothing's open.

Nothing's open, man.

Man, I guess I'm going to be sucking my fingers tonight.

Well, why don't you go to Walmart and get yourself something, you know?

Milkman, why don't you...

They don't have Walmarts here like they used to back here.

Look for some Native Americans, Milkman.

They should help you.

There you go.

Native Americans.

Find some Native Americans.

You know, they're supposed to help you at this time of year.

Or give you some corn.

Give you some corn, teach you how to fish.

It'd be great.

There you go, Milkman.

Yeah, there you go.

Catch some turkeys.

Milkman, you can go to an Indian casino.

Casino.

They got those where you live?

Nope.

No?

Regular casinos?

You can go, too.

They don't got that shit.

Like, you don't got that gay shit out here, man.

We don't got that.

How about a movie theater?

Get a hot dog for $5.

No.

Ain't no one watching movies.

It's fucking Thanksgiving, dude.

People go out.

After you have dinner, you go out and watch a movie.

Sure you do.

Of course.

It's a big movie weekend.

What are you talking about?

Sure.

I'll bet you.

You don't blame me?

I'll find a movie theater.

Try a soup kitchen.

Find me something to eat right here in Bursley, man.

That'd be good.

No, I didn't say fucking gay bullshit, dude.

I said meal, snack.

7-Eleven has meals.

They have good meals at 7-Eleven, Milkman.

They have frozen dinners and everything you can make there.

All right.

Ain't gonna work.

Well, Milkman, I don't know.

I tried to wake you up early to have Thanksgiving dinner with us,

and you didn't want to.

So what do you want?

You didn't do a very damn good job, now.

I really didn't want you to come.

I just invited you to be nice.

I know, man.

If you're going to roast a cat,

You know I'm not going to be happy about that.

Oh, wow.

That's sexual.

Lonesome says that it looks like the horse and cow is closed.

No answer.

That sucks.

Boo.

Shit.

Maybe they might open later.

It might be too early to call them.

Because what time is it in Guam now?

Like one in the afternoon probably?

It's tomorrow in Guam already, I believe.

I don't know.

That might be what's going on there.

Well, in the meantime, we got UK numbers here to get to.

Never mind.

Try to get into the answer.

Lonesome says, all right, good.

We got the horse and cow coming up here, home of the horse.

hey ted do they have black friday in the uk no we don't have blacks in the uk wow oh you should

probably maybe it'd be a good idea to like call place and tell them how racist they are for a

naming a day of black friday not including white people yeah they don't have they don't celebrate

martin luther king day over there ig so what is what is black friday martin luther king day

yeah we celebrate all the black people and we give them free money more free money yeah you

decider hello good morning yes hi good morning how are you happy thanksgiving what happy

thanksgiving i need some corn do you have any corn corn corn yes corn i like to make corn

popcorn caramel corn corn dogs do you have corn hello are you mad yes yes i am very mad and upset

i need corn i'm hungry you see i woke up late today for thanksgiving but no one invited me

me for turkey now i need corn go away no i'm gonna stay right here what's what's her race she's from

the uk what's her problem they say you don't have blacks over there oh jesus been happening a lot

lately calling uk an eternal ring your mother not very hospitable you know the indians in america

have a saying it's a while away to hula that means fuck your mother do you understand no

this is gonna sit there all right i'll call you back are you talking to uh the lady she picked up

Oh.

Calling her again.

Welcome to BG Answer 1571.

The lady who said, fuck off.

Welcome to BG Answer 1571.

The person you called is on the phone.

The person I called is a bitch.

All right, let's call the horse and cow.

If you remember from last year, we spoke to them about masturbating horses, and we had a great time.

Is that in the UK?

It is in Guam.

Oh, it sounds like a pub.

Is Ernie still there?

It sounds like a fruit.

Ernie, yes, that's what I wanted to ask for.

Thank you, IG.

I was wondering who it is.

Go away.

I got a call from Slavo earlier, so he's awake if you need to call someone.

Oh, that's good.

How's he doing, the old guy?

Is he going to play along?

Last time he didn't want to play.

No, I don't know if he's going to play along or not.

I think he gets a lot of prank calls.

Oh, well, I understand.

His name is Slavo.

This is Ashley.

How can I help you?

Hey, Big Ashley.

Is Ernie there?

Is who here?

Ernie.

Ernie?

Yes.

Is there a man named Ernie there?

I don't know.

What does he look like?

The guy that works there named Ernie?

Am I a psychic?

That works here?

Yeah, it works at the horse and cow.

His name is Ernie.

Yeah.

I don't think so.

Has there ever been a...

I don't know an employee who names that name, no.

Did you guys get rid of him?

I have been here for about five months, and I have never heard of an Ernie.

Well, obviously, you're new money.

You don't know what's going on.

Listen, there was a problem there, and I'm supposed to speak to the manager about it.

Oh, you mean Jeremy?

Yeah, sure, him.

Oh, the manager.

Okay, he is not here right now.

Well, there was a manager named Ernie.

Was it Ernie?

I.G., was it Ernie that we talked to?

Yes, I'm sure his name was Ernie.

Ernie was the name, yes.

I'm sure it wasn't Jeremy.

Jeremy's the manager here.

Is there another man that's there that I can talk to that's been there for at least a year?

There was a Donnie here at one point, and he is no longer with us.

Well, is there anyone there who's been longer than you that you can put on the phone?

There is not.

No, I'm sorry.

So these are all new people?

Can I have my manager call you?

No, I don't have an incoming number.

Okay.

So listen, I was there previously, okay?

There were these men talking about masturbating a horse.

And I don't appreciate that kind of talk when my children are around for Thanksgiving.

They came to visit me here on base.

You had children here at the horse and cow?

My family was with me.

And these men were talking about touching horse and masturbating horse.

What would you like me to do for you?

I want to get these people written up.

Your employees here?

Yes, I want you to write Jeremy up.

What?

Jeremy needs to be written up.

Is this a joke?

No, Jeremy was talking about masturbating a horse.

I'm reporting this.

Okay, I will report that to the manager.

Well, write it down.

I have a whole list of things for you to write down.

Okay.

Do you have the papers?

Yes.

Is this a joke, though?

Is this a joke?

No, this is serious business.

I will not be able to take care of this for you, so I will have to have a manager call you.

Well, you have to write down the information first, don't you, honey?

Well, if I could get your name and a contact number.

This is Cross.

When?

Cross Valente.

Can you spell that, please?

Cross, C-R-O-S-S, last name Valente, V-A-L-E-N-T-E.

When will the manager be there?

Sometime this evening.

Well, how soon?

I am the only one here until 6 o'clock.

Well, how soon, how soon, how soon?

I am the only one here until 6, so he should be here around that time.

So what, two hours from now?

It's 2.30, so about three and a half hours.

Jesus Christ.

All right, you need a number?

Yes, please.

All right, it's going to be, well, hello?

Do you have the number ready?

I gave it to you.

I could not hear you. Could you please repeat it for me?

Number seven, okay,

I will have a manager call you as soon as he gets here.

Okay, and you're not putting anything else in this note?

Giving him your name and a number, I will have him call you.

And you put down the complaint is about Jeremy.

Is it Jeremy who's calling me back because he's the one that's in trouble?

Oh, yeah, he's going to be the one calling you back because he's the manager.

Well, tell him it's about the conversation he had about touching horses.

Write that down.

Okay.

Write that down.

I will write it down.

Well, what else?

What was your name?

My name is Ashley.

All right, and put down that Ashley refused to handle the situation on the phone.

I'm handling the situation.

I have written down your name, your number, and I am going to give the message to the manager,

and that's all I can do for you.

I would like you to go and go to the office and you have paperwork there you can write them up with.

No, I don't.

But I do.

I have to.

I have customers.

You have to go.

You have customers.

Yeah.

I have your message and I will give it to Jeremy.

Big deal.

Thank you.

Stupid.

That was a good show so far.

I don't think so.

You think so?

Yeah.

Hold my dick.

Well, then I'll continue doing it.

Give her Charlie's number.

I should start giving out Charlie's number.

No.

I do think we should try and get Charlie to do a prank call.

I think that would be brilliant.

Yes.

I think it was drinking.

It's not like it was drinking.

It's Thanksgiving.

What do Chinese drink?

Beer?

They drink sake.

Tsingtao.

That's Japanese.

I know.

They're doing Tsingtao beer.

Tsingtao.

Milkman, what do you drink?

You're Chinese.

You're Japanese.

Kidding.

I thought Milkman was Native American.

He's half American, half Japanese-y.

Is he?

Something like that.

I don't know where he went.

Milkman, you there?

In the toilet?

He can't have a customer.

He said there were no customers.

We're getting carded at the end.

Probably.

Holiday spirit.

Thank you, everyone.

Obviously, if he says I'm not calling, son, or if you have questions prior to opening.

Shut up.

I'm guessing this place is closed.

Sun Center.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

You're open.

Yes, we are.

How can I help you?

Thank God.

Yes.

I want to get one of these gifts for my wife.

An awning.

Okay.

I'll be happy to help you with that.

Listen, what are they made of?

Are they made out of metal?

Tarp?

Yes.

Aircraft quality aluminum, and then we have acrylic, and we have both an acrylic, and

and then we have a laminated fabric.

Can you put the Penn State symbol on it real big?

Unfortunately, we cannot make custom orders like that.

I'm sorry.

Will I be able to paint it?

Yeah, if you want to.

I want to put a horse on it.

Okay.

The horse is going to be with a man.

The man's going to be touching the horse.

When the man touches the horse in a special way.

Someone's had a little bit too much to drink tonight,

but I'm going to let you go, okay?

No, please.

I want to have a credit card.

Oh, man.

Someone's had a little bit too much to drink tonight.

I am drunk.

I've been drunk since like 2 o'clock today.

And we do nothing but drink gin and beer all day.

Should you be drinking?

Aren't you on antibiotics or something?

I'm on antibiotics.

I'm on painkillers.

I'm on antipsychotic medicine.

I'm on antibiotics.

This is Valente.

Sure.

Yes.

32808.

I need one of those awnings.

This is going to come down.

It comes down on the house, on the side of the house, and I sit under the house, and I drink alcohol under it, and it brings down the temperature.

What average temperature will it bring down the house, the outside, okay?

And this is waterproof, this thing?

The fabric that you get, the fabric is waterproof.

The other one is water-resistant.

Right.

Hopefully, what I'm hoping is that it will hold out all liquids.

See, on top of this, I'm going to put some chairs on top of the awning and make it a two-story outside patio.

go well you have a metal one metallic one what about the cement part there's a cement part to

the awning that's metal that's metal it is metal sir well that yeah but if it's metal you can put

things on top of it you said fabric i say that i say aluminum is retractable the awning part of it

is cloth okay now if it's a retractable roof then cloth awning yes sir i was at the alamo dome they

They had a retractable roof once.

The Alamo Dome, have you ever heard of it?

They play baseballs there.

They hit a button and it goes...

It's cement.

It's liquid cement.

All right, so you can't make a baseball field with this one.

What do you recommend that I do with the awning?

I put a shade and I sit down in the shade under it.

Okay.

And I can do things and there's no problems under it?

It's my private business?

Well, I don't want anything to break the warranty.

Well, that's the whole thing.

I have three stories in my house.

the awning the awning will go over the first story right and then there'll be two two floors

well that's what i mean i wanted to shade the bottom so then what i'll do is i'll put that

over on the first floor and then the awning and then two floors above it but if someone jumps off

the off the second floor or something i don't want any trouble with you people because then

it has to be replaced by you when things happen what's your warranty like do you have any

information on that a regular warrant problem with the no okay so now what does this cover

there's a cover jumps people jumping it's supposed to hold out hold back elements and stuff what

about bowling balls or that bowling balls on the second floor and i leave it on the windowsill

and then the wind comes and blows it down that's the weather they did it don't don't please don't

don't don't do it you think it's boring ted uk ted is that the problem you have a problem you

get that i thought that was all right it was you know it slowed down a bit towards the end

And as far as private...

I'll give it a 7 out of 10.

Laugh Track Matt wants to call in.

Call in, Laugh Track Matt.

Wow.

Has a new black girlfriend.

That's awesome.

Ask him if you could

use it as a stable for keeping horses in.

There you go.

We'll incorporate horses in that.

Matt, are you there?

Looks like he's still connecting.

Yeah, stupid.

There he is.

Matthew.

Hey, Matt.

Yeah.

Hey, Matt.

Happy Thanksgiving.

I was just listening to you

bitch about a bowling ball

about a roof

you sound more drunk than usual

more drunk than usual

yeah it's Thanksgiving here man

I've been drinking since 2 in the afternoon

hey me too man

alright cheers

yeah cheers

I had to do Thanksgiving with these people

I don't know I was like I'm just getting drunk

that's all it is

it was actually nice

you know i got up kind of early i drank a bunch of energy drinks and like cleaned up

sister and her new husband came over and it was like fun nice good so i'm sure the tiny chats

doing well i was on there listening yeah i should go in the tiny chat but i can't see

shit in my eye so there you go oh i'm still in the tiny chat there you go good for you

I'm on there now

dickheads

someone just said in the chat room

that they found Bruno's home number

yeah I saw that

Quaz

is that legit

if we got Bruno's number from two years ago

his home number

that will cut out a lot of middleman work

so definitely please send that in

send it to me

or whatever you want to do

Matt will you like to prank call

It's called the Sunset Awnings.

Sunsetter Awnings.

They make awnings.

Yes.

Whatever.

I know.

Me and Legend and Trevor are having a ball with the fucking, what do you call it, people

for a while.

The Steam Sharks.

Yeah.

I think it's the same outfit.

Yeah.

That was like.

You would like to place an order for a Sunsetter product.

Or if you have.

Zyklon says call Charlie.

Yeah.

We'll call him again.

Who's Charlie?

Thank you for calling the Sunsetter sales department.

My name is David.

How may I help you today?

Oh, yeah.

You got the, like, awning things, right?

Yes, sir.

We do sell awnings.

The awnings that come, yeah, they're the automatic, like, and can I put that on a mobile home?

No, it's a mobile home.

Really?

You're discriminating against me.

It knocks your mobile home owner responsible for that.

Yeah, well, A, you said mobile home owner, not over, like you should have.

So there's a problem there

So it's a liability issue

What if I can assure you

That it's grounded

Choice whether or not you want to put one on there

Okay

I know you don't recommend it

Alright we already got through that

There you princess

What kind of

Weight can we get on top

Like what can go

On top of

Like your lowest grade

your regular regular idea

something were to fall on it

like what's the

what's the maximum

I'm sorry sir I couldn't understand

what's the maximum weight that can

fall on your lowest grade

because we do a lot

of jumping into the pool

you know and like

but if one of the kids can't

fucking handle it and he happens

to slip and get on

the thing I don't want him

to go through it I want him to bounce off

it you know or is maybe like is maybe an upgrade better yeah i know it's not designed to but i'm

asking what's the maximum weight and that's fine on your on your on your best one kids all right

yeah so a hail storm i'm fucked by right now you're saying

You said wind and rain, so it's really not good for shit.

It's like, you could hold a paper plate over your head for the same thing,

and you guys are just trying to chew me out of all this fucking money.

Like, really, it's not even good against hail.

Yeah, that's why I'd like to have an awning put out over my car.

It doesn't get damaged.

These hollings are designed for, sir.

They are only designed to protect you from the sun.

They're designed to fuck old people out of money.

Wait, wait, wait.

Come back.

All right, let me get him.

Now, people are saying it was...

Last year was a house of Brutus, apparently.

I thought it was a horse and cow.

I guess I was wrong.

There are two options, so we may assist you as quickly as possible.

I have no idea what I'm talking about.

I got an idea.

Late afternoon, son.

I got this one.

I was wondering now, can I get awnings put on either side of my home?

As long as they're secure.

All right, so there's space on both sides.

Now, let's say this is a recreational vehicle, and I put an awning on the left side and the right side.

I do not recommend that you own an RV or a mobile home because any sudden gusts.

Well, here's the plan, though.

Here's what I do.

So I put an awning on the left side of the RV, awning on the right side of the RV,

and I start going about 50 miles an hour, and then I go over a cliff.

now in theory in theory this mobile home should start flying so what's i mean it's like my friend

said it's worth shit then i'm trying to make a flying house you're not using the right material

did you know do you know my friend noland he was uh he was on a on a island he was on a ups flight

a fedex flight in a crash in the sea and he spent three years on the island and all of a sudden a

A big sail came in through the, a big sail showed up beside of a port-a-potty and it washed up on the beach and he put it on his raft and he used it to, he used it to row back home to California.

It happened, what year is it?

That was 10 years ago.

Heard anything about it?

He was on a FedEx plane in a crash in the ocean and he swam ashore to this island and he was there by himself for three years.

Well, it happened.

That's what I'm saying.

and then like

an awning

washed up

this awning

washed up

on the beach

and he put it

connected to a raft

and him and his

soccer ball

went on the water

and then went over

the waves

and he used

an awning

like a

basically like a

wing

like a sail

and he made it

all the way to

California

Castaway

that movie

should have

gotten best picture

and it didn't

and the only reason

they didn't do it

is because Tom Hanks

already had two

awards

he already had two

academy awards

you know

he got it for

Forrest Gump

and he got it for

Apollo 13 and that's not fair

Tom Hanks is the greatest man ever

as long as you give me assurances that this awning will make my

RV take flight

do they have any solutions wing solutions or anything

to make a flying house

there was this house that flew and the kids were inside the house

and it would go to different places

and they talked about the bible

it was on Christian TV

there was like 5 of them

are you saved

have you been saved

my lord and savior Jesus Christ

I'm supposed to reach out to everybody and ask them if they're saved

and if not to help them

no come on

David you're not supposed to hang up

this is your supervisor I've been monitoring this cool

alright we'll call him back

oh what a good dude that could have got

so fun right there

wasn't there a cartoon about the flying house

wasn't there a cartoon about the flying house it was a religious cartoon

I don't know but that was like

like right there

that could have got so it's so funny

like they

it's so funny like the

the steamshark people

just say prank call prank call

Pringle

Like

These dudes

Thing is

Due to the nature

Of this call

It's very British of them

I'm gonna put the phone down

Yeah

It's such like

A fucking

Cunty thing

But like

UK Ted

Take it

If you

If you can get

Yeah

It's alright

I agree

Sorry what were you saying

I already said

It's gonna be recorded

Cunt

do the monitoring thing

if we get David back

cheers y'all

cheers

is this David

David hi

this is Ted I'm in the office above you

I was just monitoring a call you got

you didn't tell him

that he was being recorded

and you warned him prior to hanging up

we have a little checklist here that we follow

well you

scored fairly well for the way you talked

to the customer but um i'm afraid i'm not happy with the way you ended the call um are you gonna

be able to come upstairs and talk to me about this upstairs so who my supervisor is yeah it's me

like to continue this we can discuss it with my supervisor yeah that'd be great hold on just a

moment brilliant whenever we like it's so much cooler in the shade operating the awning with

the remote makes it so easy it's a quality product i love the colors and how they blend

with our sliding cover is a great idea to protect during winter months i just love everything about

it. Should we kill it?

...or comfortable cooling shade.

Our customers love their Oasis awnings.

Just listen. I was

looking for some kind of awning for my swim dock

at the lake. I really did not have anything

to attach something to. When I came across

this awning, it looked perfect, and it most

certainly was. I would recommend it to anyone.

We are very satisfied with our

Sunsetter Standalone Awning.

I am on parole.

It was a great purchase.

I am so pleased with my

Sunsetter. I love to sit out on my deck.

Alright, this is stupid.

Let's try Dave again.

Dave's a dick.

Tell him to hurry up with the...

Hey, big guy.

Hey, Artie.

What the shit was that kind of thing there, man?

That was a long-ass commercial.

Tell him about it.

Yeah, I like these on him.

These are good.

Grab a snack first.

How many turkeys did you eat today?

Yeah, we were just talking to David.

Dave.

Sir?

He was putting me through to the manager, but it was taking too long.

Okay.

Wait a minute.

How soon will it be?

I don't have all day.

It's my last quarter.

About a minute.

I'm counting.

And I'm like, she?

Oh, boy.

Without a screen room, you'll wonder why you...

My name is Heather, and how can I help you today?

When you say you're the supervisor, because you're a woman,

is there a man above you, or are you the only one?

Because I'm knowledgeable in this place.

I've been here five years.

How can I help you today?

The woman is not as smart as a man, though, is the problem.

I'm so sorry, but this is the first house line,

and can I get your last name and zip code?

This is Valente.

Valente, V as in victory, A-L-E-N-T-E.

sure that's right honey that's nice whatever you say honey okay honey

the problem being that you're a lady then it might get i don't are you sure you know about

this stuff completely do you know do you do you know how to use a hammer and a screwdriver

have you ever built something with your hands others as well as all of our other products um

when i was younger when i was five years old i had my own uh play booth like you know where

where you actually put on puppet plays.

Throughout the years, my father is a contractor,

and I've assisted him my whole life in regards to, you know, rebuilding homes.

I know how to lay pipes.

I know how to fix my vehicle.

Just because I have a high voice in my email does not mean I do not know what I'm talking about.

Have you ever changed the oil in your car?

Wow.

That's nice.

You wear man pants?

Absolutely not.

I'm a tomboy at heart.

That's just because that's the way my father raised me.

Are you a daddy's girl?

No.

so daddy doesn't have to know do you like you like ice cream well i do apologize you have a

wonderful savings where i can get $100 off your awning yeah see what i was what i was explaining

to david is that i want to put one of them on my rv and he was making a big mess that you couldn't

do it but i say you can and i have my car i have my my carpenter on the line his name is matt and

i have the supervisor of your company uh ted in the uk and we think otherwise i also have already

on the line he works in in uh the physical plant and he's done this before whoever you're talking

to that is not going to be moving of you know um off of it well it's not moving yet it's not

moving yet but i'm going to put an awning on each side and then i'm going to i'm going to bring that

son of a bitch up to about 55 miles an hour and then it should start flying but listen my

here's my plan if i do that i'm going to fly and i'm going to fly over the wall the city wall

wall you understand and then i'll be in west germany and then in west in west germany then

i'll have my freedom if i make it over to west germany i'll have my freedom we also have outdoor

products in east germany they they threaten they threaten people in east germany they put a that

my dad my father they put a fluorescent light bulb in his ass and they broke it all right well

listen i'm gonna put my friend matt on the line he's my carpenter because this isn't going anywhere

with me you're too nice matt go ahead yeah wait we didn't know how this lots in all right because

Because this guy's got this old Winnebago.

All right, sweetheart?

You listening?

Hey, sugar tits.

You on the line?

You there?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, pretty, beautiful girl.

Like, very nice woman.

Like, if I get this reinforced enough on the inside,

can the awnings act like support wings?

Well, guys, I sell this product to, sorry, Google.

Well, that's, we're making a flying house.

I'm sorry, ma'am.

We're making a flying house.

Listen, ma'am.

Oh, the English, the lawyer.

Lawyer's in now.

I am Mr. Valente's lawyer.

I'm on the line, too.

And you have to sell us this item.

What

are you going to send us, too?

What? What? So I need

the sun to burn?

Happy Thanksgiving.

Because you want to help him?

Okay, she's gone finally.

Whatever. Okay, hey,

speaking of which, who do we have on the line here?

We got Evil Artie,

Laugh Track Matt's on the line,

Milkman,

uh ig69 i just killed i just killed the fucking what do you call it i was it's fine the the chat

deal the i can't even think i'm drunk chat room i can't even think i'm drunk

that's fine i killed the tiny chat how did you kill the tiny chat maybe that was

well i just closed the tab and then it was in well you can open it again i closed it for me

What I'm saying, like, dude, I only have so much bandwidth.

Oh, okay.

I gotcha.

Like, I get robot-y sound at one point.

Like, on Tuesday on the phone show.

It's like, by your audio, I can definitely tell you're on dirty shit.

Gotcha.

All right, everybody, France is where Bruno's at.

Now, I'm trying.

We got two numbers here for Bruno.

Apparently, his house number already.

I know you might be excited about that.

His house number?

That's what I'm told.

Say hi to everyone.

Wow.

Hi, everyone.

Who got that?

You paid this, Curly, though.

I don't know if it's...

Well, the first one says invalid phone number.

It's not going through.

It's not good.

0-1-4-3.

Did you dial it right?

Paste it into Skype.

That's how you do it.

Yeah, I think you probably figured it out by now already.

Do you think I figured it out by now?

Is that the milkman?

That's the milkman, yeah.

Hey, milkman.

I played you once.

I played you once, remember?

Who is this?

That's Matt.

Laugh Track Matt.

Remember the show where the phone losers played us?

I played, yeah.

Yeah.

I played it.

Oh, my God.

Dude, you're fucking hilarious, man.

You're a fucking nut, man.

That was good, man.

That was funny shit, man.

What's happening, man?

I'm happy to take you.

It's Duke, man.

Good.

I'm going to get a laugh, man.

Good job.

Wow.

That's not even English.

Is that French?

Shut up, I'm jacking you off to the French lady.

That's what's French.

I know, like, is that, like, French, like, you've called the wrong number?

Yeah, well, it's saying the number in French, in French, in France talk, yeah.

I'm trying the first one that the user here posted, and it's not going through.

Are they Canadians?

No, they are France-Francises.

Oh, got that, got that.

Like, I can call the whole world, fuck you.

I'm absent at the moment, but don't hesitate to let me know.

christmas songs and i keep getting all like you remember your youth oh everybody's like okay and

we all love each other no like i love like like all the shit wow man you're you've every the last

for the last two weeks every time i hear you on air you get you seem to be drunker and drunker

no offense but the last few phone shows i've heard you on like every time you're like

Even less sober.

That's okay.

I heard a repeat of a show where apparently you went to use the bathroom

and you went to grab a $20 bill to snort coke with

and it fell in a crack of a...

It fell in the guy's daughter's bedroom.

I so wish there was a rail anywhere around me.

And I would grab that.

I haven't had a bump in over a year.

Well, wait a minute.

You had the $20 bill

and you dropped it

and it fell under the door

of the girl's bedroom and you went inside the girl's bedroom

and her dad found you in the bedroom and you freaked out?

No.

I was talking to...

My phone fell.

I got a call and dropped my phone

into

a child's bedroom.

Okay.

And the father

was like,

you dirty son of a bitch.

For trying to fuck my daughter

Wow

A buddy that I had for years

And like I can

See where it comes from

Cause I'm like a creepy cat

But like I'm like you just let me

Babysit a week ago

The same kid and then all of a sudden

Yeah

Like he was just

Coked up out of his gourd

And like

But could never say like

Could never call it back after that

you know yeah he was supposed to be like a karate guy but he couldn't knock me out

yeah hi is this the restaurant yes house of brutus is ernie there yeah oh no i'm sorry he

uh no longer works here but he's still with the company he's at hooters he's at hooters now

yeah listen ernie was ernie was saying some nasty stuff there what was that ernie was talking about

touching a horse on his private parts do you remember this no i'm sorry how you doing you

remember ernie he apparently he's been accused of masturbating a horse you understand how you

don't know that milkman meet your shit lady excuse me house of brutus listen the man the

man bruno the man you're talking about ernie he was touching a horse he was talking about

masturbating a horse okay and i want to report people on the line yeah that's my friend he's

He's a taxi driver.

He doesn't know when to mute his fucking phone.

I hung up on him.

Okay.

Did you want the number to Hooters?

Yeah, do you have his number at Hooters?

Yeah, I have Hooters' number.

Oh, yeah.

Go ahead.

What's that?

What's the area code there?

671.

Got it.

All right, honey.

All right.

And what was your name?

Carlene.

All right.

I'm going to give him a call and ask him.

I'm going to tell him you told me to call him, okay?

Okay.

All right.

Bye, honey.

Bye, sweet tits.

That sounds like Milkman got a fare.

That's good.

Good for Milkman.

I didn't think you'd get anybody on Thanksgiving.

Hey, can you steal him, you guys?

Toledo.

Yeah, Artie, yes.

I thought of a job application idea that could be funny.

Like, try to get a really good job, like an engineering job or something,

and see if you can get an interview.

Like, make it on paper and shit.

Then when you get to the interview, dress up like a horse.

And walk into the interview room.

Dress up in a Star Trek uniform and keep saying horse.

I think that's what it is.

I know that.

With the ears and everything.

Dude, you could, if you want to, you can use, like, my resume would get you in a lot of doors, buddy.

There you go.

Would you put your CEO of Radio Shack, all that stuff?

No, but, like, no, like, it's, but it's all kind of, like, telecom work where you can get into, like, phone company shit.

If I understand correctly, the former CEO, there was a CEO of Radio Shack about five years ago.

After he had worked as CEO for about a year, they found out he had Lyle in his resume.

And he wasn't qualified for the job at all.

He just laid out his resume and was like,

yep, and he's like,

all right, you should be...

He wasn't qualified.

Like, that's stupid.

There's nothing wrong with that.

It's stupid that some, like, piece of paper...

I don't blame him, you know?

I mean, Radio Shack is a joke.

I saw a TV commercial for Radio Shack today.

I was like, I don't know how that place exists anymore.

Ted Webb is on the line.

Ted Webb.

Hey, Ted Webb.

Hello.

Hey, Ted.

It smells like UK temp to me.

It smells like UK temp.

I was just thinking, though,

Isn't that the fault of the people who do the admissions process, not the applicants?

I mean, if I were to lie on my resume and they hired me, it's their own stupid fault for not doing a proper check.

You got a point.

Fuck them.

Holy shit, there are 13 other people on the phone?

Well, we had to drop Milkman because he started talking to a lady he was giving a ride to.

But we got Evil Artie, IG69, Lacktrack Matt, UK Ted, and American Ted.

All on the line here.

What's Jin going to call it today?

oh yeah jen jen could not make it jen uh messaged me he's having internet trouble

and uh he thought it was going to be resolved in time but it did not he sends his condolences

event our jen not like jen the one that runs this recording no jen how does my voice sound

how does my voice sound sounds good monotone as usual ted

I would fuck that

because I'm using my Android phone

and I never tried it on here before.

The Skype? Yeah, I've used it

before for Skype on the show. It's pretty good.

Android Skype is pretty good. Alright, guys,

we're quite on the set. We're going to call this

Ernie guy from last year. I'm going to drop

off, though, because I've got to get to bed.

I've got an appointment in the morning. Alright, man.

Happy Thanksgiving. Alright. Happy Thanksgiving,

everyone. Bye, Ernie. Happy Thanksgiving, man.

Cheers. Thank you for calling me. Cheers.

Yeah, hi. Is Ernie there?

He's not.

Is this the Hooters?

Yes, it is.

Is there an Ernie that works there?

Ernie does work here, but he's not in at the moment.

He'll be in later tonight.

Can I take a message?

How soon will it be?

We were supposed to meet about the horse.

About a horse?

Yes.

He'll probably be in around 4 o'clock, 4.30.

Does he ride a horse when he comes in?

No, he doesn't ride a horse.

Well, he raises a horse.

He has a horse that we're supposed to use tonight.

We use the horse.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Well, you know when you use a horse, you touch the horse in a special way?

Don't hang up.

Man.

That was a quick hang up.

It was.

Exactly.

That's what I'm saying.

Dude, that was good, though.

That fucking stupid horse.

The horse is a super, super horse.

Everyone knows the thing.

He's like, ah-ha-ha.

I don't know.

What?

Four o'clock?

I closed my eyes and everything went dark.

So what?

He shows up at 4 a.m.?

Well, it's...

Like, by her thinking.

We're calling Guam, and it's like 2 o'clock in the afternoon there right now.

Oh, wait, it's Guam?

Yeah, it's like 2 o'clock.

What's Guam?

Yeah, it's Guam.

So is that a Guam accent then?

It's what?

Is that what a Guam accent sounds like?

No, there are Americans there.

No, but that was Guam for real?

That was Guam.

Yeah, that was Guam for real.

That's awesome.

I don't have the super fancy Skype.

I only have the U.S.

No, see, these calls are brought to you by listeners like you.

People who donated money recently.

But listen, you don't know from a year ago, Matt and Ted,

I don't know if you were around for that, but last Thanksgiving I spent a whole show

where all I did was talk about masturbating horses to people on the phone.

Yes, I heard the podcast.

Yeah, there you go.

Well, the one guy we talked a lot about was this Ernie guy,

and we're tracking him down.

We're trying to call him about it again this year,

and he works a different shift this year.

Can you call back later? He'll be there.

Yeah, he'll be there.

Use the rest of the phone losers.

They'll help you search it down.

We know where he works.

He's not in the work yet.

Matt, why don't you talk to Hooters?

Have a good old time.

Tell them you went in there.

I got a prank call.

What am I looking for, Carlito?

You're talking to Hooters.

About what?

I don't know.

You got me there.

Come on, man. I was getting up to get a beer.

Give me an idea.

You still don't do it.

YOLO.

Thank you for calling.

Hi there.

Ah.

How are you tonight, gorgeous?

Hello?

Hello.

Why?

What?

Is it that hard to talk?

Hello?

Is it hard to talk?

I'd like to talk to him.

Sorry.

Well, yeah.

I kind of threw you in there.

I'm sorry.

He started helloing during my show.

Yeah, sorry, man.

I thought you'd stopped, and I wanted to jump in, but then you started again.

I was at least going to try to get her to say cactus.

Ken's idea, tell her that the waitress had nipples so hard they could cut glass and you were afraid for your life.

I think the minimum, if you don't know what to do, is try to get them to say cactus.

I don't like Hooters myself.

I've already told the story how I went to Hooters and I just found it once in my life.

And I found it annoying that the girl wouldn't let me watch the basketball game.

She just kept insisting on sitting with me.

I vomited violently

When I went to a Hooters

Funny one time

I drank like two whole pitchers of beer

And like walked out the door

And just yacked it all over the place

Nice

Classy

This girl she kept coming by

She's like are you married

I'm just got married

Oh wow I'm engaged

They're like

They're like wannabe whores

they are like i'd rather you be a real whore and i'd respect you more no she was like oh wow i'm

getting married soon like that's great i'm gay he's like okay bye i'm eating wings here it's

kind of embarrassing looking please go away and the worst is like when you have to eat wings and

you've got like i had a cut on my finger so burned that's the worst way to eat yeah so we got i don't

think we have hooters in the uk what is it i mean i've seen seen it in films and stuff i don't

understand it's like it's it's stupid it's it's fucking shitty fried foods and it's like a g-rated

strip club yeah yeah yeah it's a g-rated strip club exactly yeah so it's just a strip club where

they leave their clothes on yeah they have clothes on it's just it's a socially acceptable place to

stare they've got short shorts on and they've got alcohol and you can eat like fried food like for

appetizers

and watch basketball.

You know, watch sports.

And they're well known for their

chicken wings. Their wings, which I don't think

are good at all. They aren't that good.

You have to get them double fried

to be any good.

You can ask them to do that, by the way.

Can you? If any of y'all don't know.

The only thing I like is that they

got fried pickles that are good there.

That's about it.

I'm really loving these new slippers.

These new slippers are the best.

I can't feel the cold floor anymore

what's the best

the new slippers

there's something really screwed up

with Skype

I can't

you were doing that on purpose

I got a problem with Skype on Android

it'll keep ringing when it's not ringing

I don't know what's up

that's what's going on it's ringing

thank you for calling Toys R Us

we are now open

and for your convenience we are open all night

Tonight, for exciting employment opportunities with Toys R Us, visit our website at www.ruscareers.com.

Your call is important to us. Please hold.

Someone want this other than me?

I want it, I want it.

Go for it.

Fuck, I can't mute my mic now.

I'm going to go for a ciggy.

Okay.

We got the Vatican.

I don't know why I had to tell you guys that.

That's okay.

Go ahead.

What?

How do I get back to the screen that shows the mute button?

Because it's like on-point calls, and I click on that, and all I get is the chat.

Yeah, I don't think I ever could.

When I did this once, I couldn't get back to the mute.

After it's gone, it's got problems.

Well, you sound good.

I have a mute on my mic.

Do you, dude?

Oh, shit.

Now what did I do?

Hey, there.

Hello?

Hi, I'm waiting.

Hi, my daddy's supposed to be there right now.

Can you call him?

What?

Like, daddy's supposed to be there right now.

Can you call him, please?

I'm scared.

Come on, lady.

What a bitch.

You could be in trouble.

You could ask her to read a bedtime story because I was scared.

We'll call back and tell her he mixed chlorine and ammonia and you need to talk to your dad.

Man, that was, like, the end of that shit.

It was, like, like, like, I've had enough of this shit.

Fucking kids.

Thank you for calling Toys R Us.

We are now open.

And your call is important to us.

Please hold.

Is it?

Hey, um, I mixed chloride and pneumonia, and I think I'm going to die soon.

Get one of the policemen out from the front and have him talk to you.

Oh, I'm calling him.

Oh, that's awesome.

Hey, let me talk to the policeman, cunt.

Who's gone?

I was going to say, we're calling from the UK, and then UK Ted could have spoken and said, ha ha ha.

He's going to catch us.

He's smoking a fad.

Yeah, but there's no police that's talking to anybody.

That's ridiculous.

And great.

I think I can't get my Skype to it.

The police don't care.

They're getting paid double overtime to be there today just to stand out in front of the Toys R Us.

Where is that one?

Is that one the one in New York?

I don't even know where that was.

Toys R Us, Englewood, Colorado.

What?

Okay.

Yeah.

There you go.

Y'all can track me down.

Ted, are you still there?

It says busy on your name.

Are you there still?

Did someone drop?

Matt?

Matt's here.

I'm still here.

Iggy's here.

Oh, here we go.

Oops.

Ted, you're back.

All my help.

Hey, Ted.

I'm off a hold

Yeah I made a mistake

Ted you there you got your shit working

What is this it's me and you

Yeah the other guy's got like

Red things on their shit

UK Ted's here well he went to get a cigarette

IG-69 you there still

Yeah I'm still here

Good okay I'm calling

Why does IG-69

Have like a red dot on him

Is it cause he's not like my

Skype friend

He's, uh, Hindu.

Maybe that's why.

He's Hindu.

He's 60 tonight.

Hey, I'm going to call back in, like, 10 seconds.

Bye.

Okay?

Okay.

I'm going on Skype.

Come on, Skype.

Being his own.

I think my wife is his own.

Well, it is free.

We always got to remember that.

That's true.

Except I actually pay for it.

Well, I'm sure you do.

Thank you for calling.

Boys are us.

We are now open.

And for your...

Your call is important to us.

Please hold.

It's Echoes, huh?

God bless you, lady. How are you?

I'm great. God bless you, too. How are you?

Thank you. I'm good. Listen, I need the horse.

I'm calling about the horse. You still have the horse?

The big horse that you can actually sit on?

Yeah, that one.

You know how much it is?

I'm asking you.

Oh, you're asking me. Is it in our ad at all?

Yeah.

$39.99.

Rockin' Rider Leg and Sea Horse. Is that the one?

Yeah.

The blaze riding horse.

The walk-a-wider.

I'd say we have three of those available.

Can you set three of them aside for me?

I can't do that, sir.

We can't do anything like that for Black Friday.

First come, first serve.

It's first for the horses only?

I can't do it on any item in the store at all.

Can I go there?

Can I try out the horse?

I want to touch it.

You want to punch it?

Touch it.

Just touch it.

Is it outside in the package or outside?

It's in the box.

Can I open the box and look at it and touch it?

Probably not.

You can probably buy it, and then if you don't like it, return it.

But what if I do something to the horse when it's at 7, and you're not going to give me any trouble?

Well, what are you going to do to the horse?

Well, it'll take like 15 minutes, and I can bring it back.

I can even do it in the parking lot if no one's looking.

Well, what are you going to do to the horse?

Well, I'm going to touch the horse.

Oh, you're going to touch the horse?

And it's a horse touching me.

Weird. Okay, well, I mean, do what you want.

Just don't mess it up or break it.

Well, it might have some, I mean, it might have some, it looks like glue.

Why would you put glue on it?

Well, it won't be glue.

What would it be?

Man juice.

You're disgusting.

You are disgusting.

She's right.

You sick bastard.

I am.

Does that make you a furry?

I guess so.

A fairy?

Yeah, you're a furry.

A furry.

I was a fairy.

A furry.

I was going to tell her.

There's this thing called a furry.

She did not anticipate that being at all what you were talking about.

She was dumb.

Duh.

Like she acted so surprised

Poor thing

If she said God bless you back to me

You gotta think she's probably an innocent girl

Poor thing

I just made her night

That's disgusting

Disgusting

Oh poor girl

She's got a lot to learn

She's gonna pray for you

I'm really drunk right now folks

We're having a great time

I hope so

You guys tell me cause I don't know what's going on

I hear IG-69

We lost Matt

Matthew

Matt is gone

But we do have

Ted Webb

UK Ted

And IG69 Ted

UK Ted here

How many freaking

Teds are there?

I don't know

Hundreds of us

Hundreds

100 million

Where's Tucked Head?

Oh Tucked Head

Did you get my new request?

Did you send one?

You bastard

Yeah fairly recently

You owl

You hulu kapata

We got a lot of numbers

To call tonight

I don't know what

I'm going to do

It's a way

I don't have anything

Call some Indians.

We should.

You know, last week when Din was on

and you said you were talking about

where I might be, I was actually listening

to you guys in the car

driving home. Were you playing hockey?

Like we said. Yeah.

That was right. Yeah, yeah.

It's like where you were and I told you.

That was on my way home. Well, he said ice hockey.

I like that I can listen from the car with the phone.

It's pretty sweet. I love it.

Yeah, I love it. Were you using your Android

phone stream furious what are you using yeah i'm using winamp on winamp for some reason some of the

streams don't come through on winamp uh gregulator g regulate i never know what to say you're on the

air what's up man all right good deal thank you for that thank you for that contribution i just

shit my pants all right good you scared me well milkman dropped out milkman was talking i hung

up on him because he um was talking to a customer let's see if he's still with that customer maybe

Please enjoy the following music while your party is being reached.

This is the super from across the way.

Ted, have you heard the Jerky Boys show?

Have you heard that new podcast that's out?

Johnny Brennan's doing a podcast now?

I haven't heard about it.

Where is it at?

If you go to Jerky Boys show, if you Google that, there's a podcast that Johnny Brennan's doing.

and every week he talks about one of the old Jerky Boys calls he plays

and then he talks about the background, like, you know,

how they got the number and what they did

and what he remembers about doing it and what it meant to him.

It's pretty good.

It's good stuff.

Yes, go ahead.

There's a radio show, I mean a TV show

we could probably get on the air within the next ten minutes.

What is it?

2-1-2-I-1-1-Talk.

What's it called?

It's New York One.

it's like a oh yeah i know i know of new york one yeah oh two one two and my one

and what is it what is it what is it exactly what is it like it's like just talk just talk

about like sports and i mean i get on there and ask if they're using like tactile bats and

oh i got you well you're on um you're on much you're you're in brooklyn so you probably know

about that yeah new york one the um for for a while there my cable company in florida they

They started carrying New York One.

I think it was a mistake.

I was just flipping through the channels, and it was like, well, yeah,

it was like New York One.

All of a sudden, I was like, New York One?

Like, I'd seen it on TV before.

I'd heard of it.

It's like, that's a 24-hour New York news station, right, I guess?

Yeah, it's like super local.

It has one for each borough.

Yeah.

Oh, wow, really?

I didn't know that.

Well, I don't know.

It was weird.

I saw it come up, and I was like, oh, that's weird.

And they took it out abruptly also.

But Orlando has a 24-hour news station also.

so it's News 13 or whatever.

I don't know.

I can't say I don't really like local news.

It's just retarded.

Yeah, yeah.

They just repeat the same stories over and over again

and talk about what's going on that's wrong.

Okay, folks, I don't feel like taking a break anytime soon.

We're going to continue on here.

I don't know.

Matt dropped off.

Milkman is not answering the phone.

The last we heard from him, he was with a customer.

But like I said before, we do have both Ted's and IG69

talking about New York One.

and this is Madhouse Radio

we've talked about horses already

last call we did to Toys R Us

horses

we talked about masturbating a horse

when we do take a break I do have two

horse related prank calls by Jen Stewart

where he says pony and horse

it's pretty funny and also a phone

loser's call about horse shit

in the meantime let's check in with the Hotel Napoleon

this is from two years ago

the famous Thanksgiving show from

2009

that's right

Alright, we called the Hotel Napoleon, spoke with Bruno for about 30 minutes, over and over again.

He got very upset.

Maybe he's on his way to work.

We called his house and he didn't answer.

Bruno Vague.

is bruno bruno he's died he what he's died when oh i don't know where but

but two months ago.

How did he die?

Yeah, I don't know.

What do you mean?

What do you do there?

You call in two hours,

they will explain to you, okay?

Thank you.

What the fuck?

What?

Bruno died?

He didn't die.

You know what it is?

Evil Artie's been calling him all year.

That's what it is.

Let's wake up Evil Artie

and ask him what happened.

Evil Artie,

what did you do to Bruno, man?

Bruno died, my ass.

Maybe he killed himself.

You just called us out.

He killed himself.

It is Thanksgiving.

They will be calling.

I will not answer.

I know.

They trick you, man.

Three years in a row, they call me on Thanksgiving.

Who are we calling?

Evil Artie.

They get an answer.

Evil Artie's been pranking him all year.

I know he's not dead.

This is what I complain about.

I told Artie, stop calling our people off the air.

And not recording him, at least.

He started calling Charlie.

He started calling Bruno.

Please leave your message for 3A.

What's all that noise?

I don't know.

Who is that?

Is that you?

I thought it was you.

It's not me, no.

Could be me.

Yeah, it's you.

Ted's over there.

He's making chocolate.

Hot chocolate.

Fudge.

You make fudge with a mallet?

I want a toilet making fudge.

They got fudge over there, UK Ted, in the UK?

Yeah, man.

Loads.

Nice.

You can't move for fudge.

There's fucking fudge everywhere.

Wow.

Especially in Brighton.

In Brighton.

That's gay, Ted.

I know what you're talking about.

It's the gayest place on earth.

Messy little monkey, you.

I'm calling Iran, everybody. Watch out.

This is serious business now. Let me handle this.

Don't forget to say Salaam Alaikum.

Salaam Alaikum.

I think she called Salaam.

That's right. I keep forgetting.

Cheeky fucker. He called me. He prank called me earlier.

Hello, this is from our hotel.

Please hold the line to process your call.

How do I know that you're calling from abroad?

Maybe put you through to an English voicemail.

I don't know.

It's clever Iranians.

Hello?

Wait a moment.

Oh, hang on.

Too clever.

Salaam Alaikum.

I am an American. How are you?

Yes, yes. Fine, thanks.

I need a room, please.

I want you to tell anybody that I'm coming in to stay in Iran. You understand?

Hello. Hello, sir.

Yes.

I am a spy, and I'm going to stay in your hotel and spy on the Iranians. This is understood.

Okay, I hear you.

I'm going to come stay in your hotel, and I'm going to start a base of operations to spy on the Iranian government.

I want you to tell anybody. If you don't tell anybody, I will reward you.

I will give you designer jeans, CD player, and United States dollars.

Do you understand?

Are you okay?

Yes, I am.

Do you like CD player?

Elvis Presley?

Who are you calling from?

From the United States of America.

I'm a spy.

Yeah.

Okay?

I'm going to go to Israel first.

Then I'm going to get on a plane from Israel to Iran.

Okay.

Then I'm going to stay there.

I'm going to spy.

I'm an evil spy.

Okay.

Listen, I want you to be on my side.

I want you to be my friend.

when the shit goes down me and you i have many friends when if you do me this favor i will

remember you when we invade yeah i have many friends thanks i will i don't i don't need another

one do you have american friends yes of course american friends i'm your american friend listen

if you do this after we invade next week i will make you in charge of the hotel would you like

that would you like to be the manager of the hotel no no no what do you are you the manager now no

No, no.

Do you want to be manager?

No, no.

How much money do you need?

I like to work as a simple worker.

Whatever you want to do, I will give you a job on whatever you want to do if you help me out.

Okay, you're joking with me. Have a good time.

We will be friends.

Yeah, keep it secret like top secret.

Eh, whatever.

I thought it was funny, though, because the guy obviously knew it was full of shit.

Please hold the time to process your calls.

Hey, can Bubba talk to him?

Yeah, go for it.

You and Bubba should.

Calling the operator. Please wait a moment.

or what are you doing there?

Tell him he's tired of the white man.

Yo, man, this is Bubba.

And now look, I need you to keep this top secret like pop secret.

You know what I'm saying?

I mean, I'm going to give you like...

Yo, man, I don't understand that rap music.

What are you talking about?

You know, I don't know English.

Just Persian, Persian.

I can talk Persian.

You can talk?

Yeah, I can talk Persian.

Go ahead, spit something to me

Spit it to me

You should go to the Persian

Where I gotta go? Tell me, tell me

Did I tell you where you guys should go?

You should go to the Persian class, yeah?

What you talking about? What does that mean?

What's up with them Persians?

You know, if you want to

As all

What did you say to him?

What the hell is Kuni?

Jackass, what do you say?

Jackass, what the hell are you talking about?

How dare you

Kose... Kosefil.

Yeah, motherfucker.

Yeah, uh...

Olmec.

Allah haq.

Couscous Olmec.

Kanj Koda.

Couscous Olmec.

Is he still there?

Yes.

Genda.

He's gone.

Are you making up words or are you actually saying curses in Arabic?

Uh, Kuni means faggot, apparently.

Uh, Kosefil is an elephant cunt.

Oh my god.

Genda means bitch or whore.

Wow.

Hello, this is Tomah Hotel.

Please hold the line to process your call.

Madar Kabeh.

is motherfucker hello this is homa hotel please hold on it's like indian cooney cooney was a good

one he understood that i like that one cooney here i don't like george cooney man tell him

your name's george cooney and you want to make a reservation hello hey hello hey sorry my computer

is gonna mess up hello homa hotel homa hotel pedala sag to call them later they're not answering

in anything now oh can we call debbie mansfield you want to go debbie mansfield uh let me see if

i have her saved give me a moment here let me play a song real quick not i can get her yeah

you're gonna laugh you you did better tonight so far tonight you haven't laughed that's a good step

yeah because i'm not i can actually talk loudly oh okay your parents are out um i'm at my grandma's

house i'm downstairs so oh hell yeah can we prank call your grandma no okay okay yeah just thought

we asked. Uh, let's see.

Let me go to Gmail and search

here. Slavo?

Slavo, that's right. He said Slavo.

But let me do this. Iggy wants to call

who was it? Mansfield.

She's a man, baby. I haven't actually done any

work tonight. This is insane.

It's Thanksgiving. Tell your

boss that. Um, everybody,

this is Madhouse Radio, Thanksgiving

2011, but we're having a good time. I am

drunk. Uh, UK Ted

is not doing any work. Ted Webb's over there

making, uh, something. Ted Webb,

You have turkey, you have tofu, tofurkey.

I had a casserole, and I had sautéed mushrooms and mashed potatoes.

Then I had sweet potatoes.

And then I had an avocado, cucumber, and basil salad.

And then I had some beans and rice, a la Zatarain.

And, I don't know, I had some bunch of other shit, too.

I had asparagus.

No meat, though.

Are you a vegetarian, or you just didn't have meat today?

I'm a vegetarian.

church. Sounds like a coonie to

me. A coonie. Sounds like a coonie

meal to me. Goddamn coonie

breakfast. IG-69

is hanging out in his grandma's

basement. Milkman is

dealing with a customer. Matt was on the line

before he dropped off. Gregula

came in and went, and hung up.

And you're there listening. Thank you for

listening. We appreciate it. Hey,

UK Ted, do you guys cry on the

4th of July? We call it

Traitor's Day. We burn

burn effigies of uh the founding fathers wow because i remember last year and for the fourth

of july in my school we burned pictures of tony blair oh we burned yeah we burned tony

blair pictures tony blair isn't that uh popular anymore is he i know he's not in office anymore

but you guys got a real douche there and who's the prime minister now who's that uh forgot his

name already what's his name w mansfield ig you're doing this one yeah okay cameron that's his name

Thank you for calling Hooters.

Calling Hooters.

Hey, Hooters.

Hey, do you guys require IDs?

IDs for?

For beer.

Oh, one moment.

You know, Benjamin Franklin was actually a British spy.

Was he?

No, he wasn't.

Yeah, no.

He was.

He was a French diplomat.

Yeah, working for British intelligence.

No, he wasn't.

He's a founding father.

Get out of here.

Yeah, he worked.

He worked for the American embassy in Paris and provided information to the British.

Oh, wow, she's awesome.

Yeah.

No, he provided information to the British about the American shipping.

He did not.

He did, and then we found the ships and sent them.

Don't talk like that about Ben-Hur Franklin.

He's a goddamn hero.

Yeah, but in the War of 1812,

you helped a sick lot of young ships.

1,000 ships, you realize that, right?

What's that?

In the War of 1812, we destroyed you.

We had 12 ships, and you guys had, like, 1,000.

The War of 1812 was against Canada, not Britain.

Yeah, but look up your facts.

The British Navy was involved.

I did look up my facts, yeah.

Look it up again.

The British Navy was involved in everything in the 1800s.

We ruled like 12 ships

The USS Constantine

Why did the new British Navy ships

Have glass on the bottom

So we can look at the French ships

Wait wait what

Because of what

So they can see the old British Navy

That's true

Germans got them

Hey I don't know why I called the Hooters

But we'll call Debbie Mansfield now

Like we went to

too. There we go. Go ahead, IG-69,

since you have a plan.

I want to see if these Hooters girls have a better understanding

of American history.

The number you are calling has probably...

Probably 90% of them

have LAS degrees.

At the tone, share your name or the company

you represent, and you'll...

She won't answer that way. Let me call from Google Voice.

You're right. Good point.

Yeah, what are you talking about? It was between Canada.

What are you talking about? Canada was the UK back then.

The whole world was the UK back then.

Not America. America wasn't.

we kicked your ass france wasn't either imperialist imperialist damn straight i'm imperialist yeah

whatever the sun never set no no still doesn't you guys have a really stuck up attitude when

it comes to your patriotic songs what's that song england what is it england prevails no

there's a song that's a calm get your tits out for the lads that's the one yeah i don't know

that's my favorite rule britannia britannia rules the world what's that about why would you

Rules the waves, rules the waves.

And Britannia's just a name of a ship, one particular ship.

Even still, rules the waves.

Is that the one that got sunk?

No, it was scrapped.

We sold it to India as scrap metal.

Oh, the Nazis did it.

Very sad.

Nazis sunk it.

I think it was scrapped.

Why the debate we got here tonight?

It's a fantastic song called Heart of Oak.

She might not be at home tonight.

Might be Thanksgiving over at the Mansfields.

No, she's not answering.

I don't think she's doing it.

I was going to say, I was going to say, because she drives a bus, right?

I was one of the people on the bus

And she gave me a dirty look

And I was calling to harass her

I think she drives a school bus

That's what I was saying

I could be a student

And I was going to say

Take a stupid bitch driver that I had

When I was in school

Back then

Fuck you

Well you can branch out from there

Different things, different insults

I say we call you

Since we have all this UK talk, I say we call the UK.

Why not?

And ask them about Rule of the Channels.

The Channels Rules the Waves.

I could have sworn it was The Channels Rules the World.

I think it was that.

It's The Waves.

Rules the Waves.

I don't know.

Never, never, never shall be slaves.

Oh, wow.

You know what movie I was watching two days ago?

I was watching Children of Men.

It's a very good movie.

I don't know if you guys have seen it.

That is a fantastic film.

Oh, my God.

It's an awesome movie, yeah.

Yeah.

Very British movie.

Very good movie.

It's all about...

Why does that keep happening?

to the UK numbers.

It'll just go beep.

Try it again.

I'm trying to

might rule the way

if it doesn't rule my phone.

Phone line's sucking, Britain.

Yes, hello.

This is, uh,

Kurti.

S. Kurti.

Um, no, who is this?

Yes, I'm calling

from the United States

Wake Up

phone administration.

We have your

wake up call

for this time.

I understand it's...

Can you, can you, can you,

can you, can you take, um,

can you take the number

off your list?

You'd have to opt out

after the message.

Right, okay.

Well...

This is a secret message.

listen are you awake please confirm yes or no yeah okay now you have to go to church do you

understand this please confirm yes or no hello listen attention oh stupid it started out funny

but yeah we should call people and tell them that never mind after this call

hello you're hearing me say that all right yeah so we should call up people and tell them that

they reported to a survey or something that they had nothing to be thankful for

so by calling them and waking them up

they'll have something to be thankful for

that somebody cares about them

good point

you probably know what we're talking about

I'm trying to call Gregulate again

I was going to call him again

just to see why wouldn't he talk

I like Gregulate, he seems like a good guy

he calls in and just makes a noise

and hangs up, that's not funny

why don't we just make a noise

we should go

that's not funny or fun

Gregulate, I thought highly of you

You've always been very supportive at Madhouse

During some trying times

We'd enjoy the following music while your party is being regained

I would have liked you to contribute with us, you know

You could have stayed there and been nice

And joined in on the show for a while

Tell people the Queen Mother died

Good deal

Hello?

Milkman! Are you done yet?

Nah, man, I'm done for the night, man

You quit? You had a fair, I thought

You had a customer

Yeah, no, I'm done for the night, I think, man

Wait, wait, wait, you're done with us or done with working?

Yeah, I'm done with the show, man

Why?

I gotta go

why you're mad i'm sorry no no it's all right you guys have a good time man i just

it's too much i can't like keep calling in and stuff i keep dropping and

all right well take it easy don't feel bad all right well if you get

all right get you guys later bye we'll always love you man he's all weird like i don't know

he's all working and shit like what the hell he needs to get a day shit what is it we can't

drive a taxi during the day people need taxes during the day all right this is madhouse radio

radio and we're doing our thing tonight in a little bit we'll be calling guam and trying to

get a hold of uh what's his face over there the hooters now for her to say ernie we'll also be

calling slavo slavo yes we'll call him right now as a matter of fact thank you what should i talk

to slavo about you said don't call him slavo from the beginning because he'll be on us yeah he'll

know it's a prank call okay i don't know i mean say something the cheeky fuckers started prank

calling other people now i you just can't stand for that he's getting ideas above his station

and he's putting down a peg.

Alright, Slava tried a prank called Ted Webb

recently and now we will call him and show him

who the master is of this.

Madhouse Radio Thanksgiving 2011, sending your

prank requests. They are more than appreciated.

Lonesome Losers sending in numbers

as well as a host of other listeners right now.

I wish we would have done Thanksgiving here

at my house because I would have been able to bring

leftovers, man. I'm really, I could

really go for some turkey sandwich right now.

Cranberry on that motherfucker.

Tuck, Tucker Mike. Show your titties.

Show your titties, Tuck.

Good to see you, man.

How you doing, man?

What's happening, you know?

What's going on?

Not much, brother.

You got Ted Webb, UK Ted.

IG?

And IG, 69.

I figure you can have the sausage fest without me.

So, Thanksgiving Sausage Fest, Mr. Lester.

We have never had a woman co-host on this show ever.

Ever.

We've had women call in, but never a co-host.

And I'm not against that.

The closest we've ever gotten is you, Tuck.

I know.

Do you want me to put on a dress now, then?

Is that my cue?

You can.

Put on the black dress.

Regulates on the line.

Regulates.

Hey.

Oh, hey.

It's actually deregulate.

Is it?

I'm really, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I screamed before.

I was just very nervous.

That's okay.

Irregulated, deregulated.

Warren G.

Is it irregularly deregulated as in regular G?

Yeah.

G is Warren.

Is it a Warren G thing that you got that from?

Yeah.

alright cool

that's pretty old school

you sound pretty young

to be quoting Warren G

songs but whatever

yeah I'm just like

really hardcore

like that

okay

good for you

no that's fine

hey I'm not complaining

I'm all about the old school

man

okay

you kidding me

I graduated

back off okay man

just back off

I'm class 97 bitch

alright

that's my time

I'm not about

I'm too white to even

know what y'all

are talking about

yeah you're too country

alright well

talk say hi to the

the people

they're here

howdy

hi Tuck

having a good time g regulate oh my god i'm just home and i'm drunk because i was drinking a lot

of wine with my white family members nice early tonight living the dream yeah white wine white

people wow great um i freaked out i literally like screamed myself because i was like oh my god

Carlito's got the

thanksgiving show

I'm a little drunk

and I can't remember

how do I get back

to dial a number

in Skype

when I got all your

faces in front of me

what do I do here

call

oh shit

what do I do

it's been

the dialing

dialing pad

on the top

on the great bar

at the top

underneath where it

says Skype

dialing pad

Skype

UK Ted

awesome man

I like Britain

UK Ted

everyone loves Britain

don't listen to these guys

pretend it rules the waves

you know

We're from Britain, or I am.

You guys fought off the Nazis in World War II.

They didn't fight off...

The Russians won that war, for God's sake.

Even the Americans got their hair up.

They were fucking crazy.

You're the first American I've spoken to

that knows that.

I do know that.

It's true.

They came in at a good time.

They helped out, but the Russians

are the ones that deserve the credit for beating the Nazis up.

The Americans did a good job

in the Pacific. Can't deny that.

Well, yeah, that's a totally different thing.

That was the Pacific Theater, and as a matter of fact,

we got our asses kicked at the beginning because we didn't have our balls straight.

We were the one.

We got kicked up.

We supplied, you know, like tons of supplies.

And they weight-washed what happened in that Pacific part.

Yeah, but you can't discount America for what we supplied,

like the supplies that we gave to Britain and France when they needed it

because they were so.

Yeah, but we fucked over Britain.

We did a lot of shit, though.

We charged them a lot of money

for what I understand, for those weapons.

It was some bullshit.

The United States made a lot of money off of those

weapons and shit that they sold the British

back then. For no reason at all.

They should have just done it at cost.

Did you know that

Germany just stopped repaying

their World War I

I don't know, not

reparations, but their debt from World War I

in 2010. Really?

Yeah. And they started a whole other war after that.

Happy Thanksgiving, folks!

they split up and everything

Germany went into the war

because they were

you think we had the depression

theirs was like 50 times worse

and Germany got fucked over

I mean I know you guys

I know UK Ted

but Germany did get fucked over

after World War 1

that whole armistice

that's why there was World War 2

it was bullshit

they got shafted

those people were very poor

And it was a slap to their face

And part of that problem

Is John F. Kennedy's dad

Was one of the architects

Of that whole thing

And then after that appeasement

His appeasement, his appeasing

All the way up until Poland

Until Poland got invaded

And it was the British and the French

That said enough was enough finally

And America still wanted to stay out

And it was mostly the American public

And the American Senate and Congress

That wanted to stay out

But even the President at the time

Roosevelt knew we needed to go to the war

you should tell Slava all of this

because he'll find it absolutely fascinating

yeah I agree

he's Polish

so tell him something silly about Poland

yeah but I'll tell you those Russians have balls

man I mean they got

slaughtered and they came back

and they came back they just fucking

wow those Russians

he's not actually Polish

but if you tell him he is he gets pissed off

they're all the same to me

I don't know what he is

IG-69, are you Polish?

Call the dad.

He's true Polish.

IG-69 sounds like he's Polish.

Hello?

Good morning.

Yes, hi.

I'd like to make a reservation.

I'm Polish.

I like a Polish room.

Where do you fucking Yankee?

What?

Listen, I need Polish accommodations.

Hang on one second.

Okay.

You called me from Skype?

Yes.

Hang on.

Are you tracing me?

Madhouse.com.

What?

Madhouse Radio.

Madhouse Live.

Madhouse Radio.

Yes, that's the one.

You little fucker.

Yeah, and?

I'm going to have a look who ordered that for me.

You're Polish, aren't you?

No, I'm not.

Well, I have a report here from PolishPrantCalls.com to give you a call.

They have you reported for prank calling people, so I'm calling you back.

Really?

Yes.

Okay, hang on.

So, you're Polish.

Do you like potatoes?

Can you do me a favor?

No.

Can you tell to fuck off?

I don't know when.

You know that.

I have no, I have no, you know, no, no.

Tucker Mike sent your number to me.

His name is Tucker.

No, no, no.

Yes, yes, yes.

Tucker Mike.

No, no, no.

Mike Tucker sent your number.

You bastard

You're messing with him

Listen

He is a little

Shitty bastard

You give

Yeah Tucker Mike

Is a shitty bastard

You know why

He has slaves

Really

Yeah

And you're Polish

No I'm not

Yes you are

No I'm English

Like

Bullshit

Bullshitting

You're from Judea

You stupid bastard

I'm about to go

Say hello

Give me a massage

And touch my penis

That sounds crazy

Actually no

Hey

We're gonna start

My name

You okay Ted

I tried to back you up

up there you're gonna be in trouble now probably i have absolutely no idea how he's doing that

that's insane i don't know why you why you gotta slander my name yo maybe he had a maybe he had

android on his uh uh skype on his android phone and he was had it connected to his number or

something so he's able to see that he did something i don't know what the hell that was

his um his work number what happened well sometimes the caller id comes up as madhouse.radio

But that's very rare

It comes up as the username

I should make it customer service

That's what I'm asking my plan is

The next time I set this all up

What do you mean next time?

Next time I'm going to make it say Mike Tucker

No you're not

Yeah I am

Revolutek.com

Revolutek would be fine

Mike Tucker is a felon

Is what's going to come up

Mike Tucker is a felon

Mike Tucker can't vote

So, speaking of felons, you know who I wish we could talk to is Crazy Fucker from California.

We haven't talked to that guy.

Good God.

Oh, my God.

What happened to him?

Crazy Fucker, if you're out there, I know he listens sometimes.

He might be listening tonight.

Crazy Fucker, if you're out there, man, let me know.

Send me an email.

MadhouseRadio, gmail.com.

Staff at MadhouseLive.com.

Carlito at MadhouseLive.com.

There's plenty of ways.

He'd be so ignorant if he knows who he is.

If you know who you are, Crazy Fucker from California.

What was his last name or something?

I don't know.

Dude, give it something.

Exactly.

Give us a call, man.

We missed you, dude.

It's been like two years now, but I know he listens still.

He hangs out at Syndicate's chat room or whatever they call themselves now.

Brick House Radio or something.

He's there.

How do you know?

Because I go to Brick House Radio's website sometimes, and Yukko's still on there.

He does a show and stuff.

I think he hangs out with Zolar sometimes.

Hey, Carlito, whatever happened to that guy who always calls in and he said,

He said, hey, Carlito.

Jonathan.

Jonathan, yeah.

We talked to him recently, about two, three weeks ago.

Let's get Jonathan back in here.

Can we give him?

Can we give him a call?

Yeah, let me get his number.

Hang on.

Let me get Jonathan's number.

I got his number.

Hey, Carlito.

Every week.

All my fans and listeners.

Oh, my God.

He'd call me, like, he'd come to Orlando when I lived in Orlando still.

though. He'd come down once a month

with the retards.

No offense.

I feel bad for saying that, but he'd

come down. Let's not prank

cool Slavo anymore or I'll get fired.

Okay, I don't want you to get in trouble.

Is he your boss, Ted?

He can't prove anything. I tried to back you up there

and I was like, I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm genuinely impressed that he

managed to trace it all the way back to me.

Smart little Polak.

Yep, there you go. Oh, Carlito.

Hey.

Oh, he was saying Ted

I thought it was Ed

So he said Ed

But I think Ed's real name is Ted

Yeah, IG

Social Engineered

Hello?

Oh no, I'm Robotin

Something's majorly choppy

What? You guys don't care to me

Hello?

Test, show your titties

Guys, are you alright?

Show your titties

Sound off

Tuck you hear me okay

Tuck

Show your titties

I hear you fine

Alright IG hears me fine

Tuck you hear me okay

I hear you fine

You hear me fine

Yeah you sound good

Ted you alright there

Both Teds

Yes sir

Alright we're good

I hear you too Carlito

Good Greg

Black Friday now starts at 12am Friday

That's always been like that

Since when

That's like

No 12am

12am on Friday yeah

Some stores open at like 10 o'clock.

Toys R Us opened at 9.

That's when my wife was here.

She's buying toys for the nephews.

She went out at 9 o'clock tonight.

It was always a midnight thing.

It was always a midnight thing

and Walmart doesn't close at all anymore

because Walmart had every year

fucking three people would die

and ten ankles would get broken every year.

They open the doors at midnight.

They're like, we're not even fucking closing.

It's too expensive.

I can't see anything worth buying.

Dice is in the chat room asking how you get into the action

you can join rope

if you're on skype madhouse.radio

is the screen name

yeah do that

join the sausage fest

join the sausage fest right now

we can use a few ladies too

thanksgiving sausage fest

I warn you if you're a lady and if you join

more than likely you're going to get attacked by these guys

who are horny as fuck

yeah

it's the show title

Me and U.S. Ted won't because we're married.

The only girls we've seen today are our cousins.

They're hot, but you can't do anything with them.

I saw my sister-in-law there.

That's what we need to call this show tonight.

My sister-in-law?

No, Thanksgiving Sausage Fest.

There you go.

All right, cool.

I'm playing horse music now.

Can we do some UK wake-up calls?

Yes, we can.

You want it, you got it.

All right, sweet.

Lonesome Losers sending in tons of numbers here.

I was trying to call a number, and I forgot who it was.

Shit.

Can you just call people Big Girl?

Like, you stopped doing that, and you used to do that a lot.

They don't like it, apparently.

Apparently women don't like being called Big Girl.

Apparently they got a problem with that.

No, it's just.

Something about Big Girl I don't like.

Here we go.

We got an old guy named Bull.

Butt.

K-Butt.

K-Butt here in London.

I don't like that either.

He's one of those old guys that answers the number with the last four digits.

it's he answered the number saying eight double eight six five that's always fun

double eight six five famous frank call here on madhouse radio six four nine four i guess it's

an old thing in the uk where when you'd answer the phone you'd say your last four digits just

so they know you're they were calling right now is that right ted is that is that uh just a staple

no wonder the nazis bombed them yeah yeah i think that's just from the old people we should call

call people in the...

Well, you know why

he throws us a banana?

He has you

and his mom

and his whole ass

piece of white

trash ass filth.

Don't you call my

house, boy.

I don't know who you are,

but blow your ass

away from me.

You're so fucking

mama's cunt.

How's that?

Freaking all you

white men ain't

never...

Lickers and shit.

Don't call my house

no more.

Damn, why you gotta

get all racist?

Heck, or what?

Where you coming

from, mama?

That's Debbie Mansfield.

She's not at home.

at Parallel Air. She's not answering tonight.

Is that her answering machine?

No, that's her. She talked to me

like that. It'd be funny to hack her answering machine

and make her say that.

I've got a new caller in line. I don't know who it is.

Some guy named Austin. Austin!

Hello. Austin.

540-8865. Hello. 6494.

Hello. This is 540-8865.

Yeah, this is 6494. How are you doing?

I'm fine. Good. Listen, I called

to wake you up today. Are you awake? Yeah.

Why? Well, I can't just take the

piss out of you and wake you up. I want you to do some

jumping jacks on the phone do you know how to do jumping jacks no you jump on the air and you clap

your hands together and you jump down all right we'll do them you stupid monkey bastard three four

everybody jumping jacks six seven eight

i've got a problem here what um you know when uh you start task manager and windows

and then it exit out it exits out it just goes to your processes and you can't change

to anything else. How do you fix that?

Delete system 32.

Yeah, that one. Go in your C drive

and delete that. Delete system

32. No, don't delete that.

Don't delete it.

No, delete it.

He's Rod Wood.

What you need is a magnet.

You need to put a magnet on your hard drive.

You need to defrag your

hard drive with a magnet.

Delete.

Delete star dot star.

Mic check. Mic check. Mic check.

Alright, everybody.

G-Regulate, Ted Webb, UK Ted,

Tucker Mike, IG69, and

Cup Check.

Show the titties.

Carlito, you can just call me Gregulate, okay?

Alright, Greg. Gregulate.

Big girl Greg.

Alright.

Wow.

We're going to redial the last number.

That was a UK old guy.

He didn't sound old to me. I was told he was an old guy.

it didn't sound too old, but he does have his phone number.

Happy Thanksgiving, guys.

Grandson. You too, sir.

Anybody want to do this? It's a UK call.

Anybody? I'll do it.

What is it? Mr. Butt.

Last name Butt. Wake up call.

Is your grandma going to allow you to do this one, or

are you going to be okay?

Yeah, we'll find a way.

I wouldn't want you to be grounded.

She's just stone deaf and asleep.

She doesn't even know you're there.

She's porking her granddad.

She's just sticking to some

little old lady's house.

Say grandma to her.

Hello.

Mr. Butt, hello, sir.

Mr. Butt, you know you're a pain in the butt.

Hello, sir.

Mr. Rectum.

Mr. Colon.

Yes, sir.

Mr. Rectum, hello.

Nothing.

All right, we'll call the next one then.

I got an A.J. Butt here.

This is in London also.

A packy guy apparently lost his name.

Butt.

A.J. Butt or A. Grade Butt?

A.J. Butt.

How come in the first, if anybody goes back and listens to the very first Madhouse Radio episodes,

episodes all carlito did was just call in people he would just look up in the phone book of people

with funny names yeah well that's what i got from lonesome back then that was our thing back then

i remember yeah yeah i was listening i was like wow this is totally different from his like

later shows you know i was thinking the other day i was i was i'm editing some of those old

shows that i found i found two months worth i got two left out of eight i haven't really i don't

know how to release them i think i might just add them as classics or hold on to them for best

of shows or something at some point.

Just put them on your podcast.

I think once a week I'll release one.

After I finish them all, once a week I'll

release one or something.

And just have a

description of these are classics

for the little classic.

Yeah, old school classic.

Signed by it or something.

Yeah, but the whole thing is, I remember

the way I used to do this show.

This is our Christmas

special for your podcast.

The way I used to do

this show literally it was uh the mic that i used to use was a broken xbox live mic that was on the

desk it was broken in half that was awesome i laid that on the desk and i had like a washcloth on top

of it as a pop filter and i wrapped it up in that and i talked like straight into that that was the

technology i used to use and i held the phone up to that like literally had no video nothing like

that just my old podcast my microphone was a headphone that i put into the mic jack of my

computer yeah that's how i that's how i used the microphone you know when i was first podcasting

back in like 2004 5 6 dude my old podcast i used to take my like i had a podcast back in like

long time ago my microphone that i used we would literally just take like like this weird string

and put it on this pencil tip

and put electromagnets into it

and we fashioned our own

makeshift microphone.

It was so crazy.

On my old podcast, I took a tin can

and I put a string on it

and I connected it into the computer.

He didn't have a podcast!

Holy shit.

On my old podcast, we used to not even

take two strings and my neighbor

would just have the other end and we would just talk

and he would listen and subscribe to us through that string.

Back in 1994, I used to

to share

tapes. Gazette tapes. I record them

on my own and I share them.

That's the original podcast.

We call it

Sneakernet back then.

Who was doing this one?

This is a UK call to AJ Butt.

Who wants this?

IG always wants to do it.

He's free tonight.

3, 2, 1.

Ah, that shit again.

For some reason, my CPU

Pew usage is 100% right now.

Anti-virus calculations.

Some people, they don't even see 100%.

Hello, Mr. Butt.

Hello.

Hi, sir.

I'm with the Catholic Church in America.

I'm an altar boy, and we have reported that you have just sinned and think that you're in bed.

I think we know what you're doing, and could you please confess to us right now?

Yes, sir.

I'm an altar boy here at the Our Lady of Cactus Church in America,

America, and we have a

God alert here where Jesus actually

alerts us when something has sinned.

And you came up on

that, sir.

Confess to us right now, please.

Who is speaking? Father, take over.

Yes, hi, this is Father McQuarters.

Father McQuarters on the line here.

Hello, my child, how are you?

Who is the other one? Mr. Butt?

I'm a Catholic priest, and I'm looking for Mr. Butt.

He was sinning.

May I speak with him? Thank you.

You need the blood of Jesus.

Hello?

Yes, hello.

Where's Mr. Butt at?

Let's speak to him.

Mr. Butt, he's sleeping.

He's early in the morning, 6 o'clock.

Yeah, I know.

Wake him up.

I'm a Catholic priest.

I'm from the United States.

What's so funny?

He was sinning in his sleep.

He had a dream about having sex with a woman who was on his wife.

Are you his wife?

Don't hang up.

God damn it.

I'll call him right back.

He did.

He had a dream about sleeping with a woman.

It's a sin.

If you think about it, it's a sin.

Even if you just think about it.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, that is the Catholic way.

The Catholic way, but all you got to do is confess.

We talked about this once, Ted, not that long ago.

IG69, do you drink at all?

You ever had it at your 16, 15, whatever, your freshman in high school?

Do you ever drink?

You shouldn't be, but I'm just curious.

What do you drink?

You guys drink?

Yeah, that's good.

Do you have people go buy you cigarettes?

No, I don't want to get lung cancer.

Do you ever look at naked girls on the internet?

No, because that's illegal.

Okay, good.

Good, good.

Don't ever go to www.boobs.com

Or like sex.com

Or anything like that

TBLOP.com

Dude if the internet was around

When I was his age

I would never

Oh my god

Back then every scrap of porn

In Playboy magazine

I was like oh boy

I can see your boobies

When I was a teenager

You would imagine

Into like the

The porno reviews of a magazine, you would try to imagine what that film was actually like.

It was so – because what do we have back?

We had like – you'd read the stories.

You had one still picture of a film and then like a review of what was in it.

You would try to imagine what a porno would actually be like.

Yeah, and you had the stories.

Playboy always had the letters.

Oh, we're all fake anyway probably, but the dirty stories.

where he's like, oh, boy, oh, boy.

I live in the space shuttle when my cope.

Yes, exactly.

Yeah.

I remember a friend of mine asked me if I knew what PMS was

because it was in a rap song, and I said, yeah, PMS.

That's premarital sex.

He's like, oh, okay.

I was like, I don't want PMS.

He's like, what is it?

Premarital sex.

He's like, oh, okay.

I didn't know that.

He's like, OPP, O of me, OPP.

Were you just like the man in high school?

Did you just run your school?

Will I picture you just, like, running?

No, not really.

I played football, and I didn't really – I didn't run shit.

I was a second-string football defensive tackle.

I played every once – you know, I played –

Oh, yeah.

I played in the – I mean, I was in the team.

I was respected, but I didn't start ever.

I started a few games in my senior year, but that's –

You know, people like you are the ones who beat me up

and shoved me in the locker, so fuck you.

No, I was more of a nerd.

Fuck you.

No, I was a nerd.

No, honestly, I was a nerd, man.

Yeah, right?

Yeah, I was.

No, I wasn't.

Yeah, we weren't like in my high school.

There wasn't a whole jock and thing.

I was a Star Trek nerd, you know.

I was overweight.

I was a pretty big guy, but I got respect because I played football team and I held my own.

But no, that was.

Yeah, you shoved kids like me in the locker room.

Never, never picked.

I never picked on anybody.

The only kid I picked on was a retarded kid named Richard Brantley who played tag with everybody.

You could go up to the kid and tag him.

If you tapped him, he'd chase you through the whole school trying to tag you back.

it was the most fun

hey I got picked on too

but I fought back

good

I mean

I fought a lot

when I was a kid

and by the time

I got to high school

high school

they left me alone

because they

you know

they thought I was crazy

because I would always

you were the crazy golf kid

I was always

yeah

crazy white kid

crazy golf kid

to fight back

you could fight right

yeah because I'm beating

your fucking ass

does anybody play

do you remember

Vampire and the Masquerade

does anybody play that

anymore at all

wasn't there a whole thing

Vampire

everyone thought it was the devil vampire the masquerade and it was a werewolf one also does

anybody know what that is what are you talking about now there was some there was i never did

that i knew people would do that vampire the masquerade it was some role-playing vampire game

where you were a vampire and you'd talk i was never goth no but i always found goth girls

attractive yeah but i never was goth no i was more into the into the rap music and uh then talk radio

after that it was weird oh this i didn't record it but it's a good idea you should try sometime

this past week i was calling up like car dealerships and things and like asking if

they were hiring but i used this very very effeminate like gay voice and i had this huge

wait a minute you were putting on the voice yeah and i had like this huge attitude or something

so like i was acting is that what you're doing really asshole okay well i'll say your real voice

oh my god

shut up Tucker

his real name is Mike

you're one to talk

you're an artist

I had a swig of whiskey

I'm being honest

gay straight alliance

call up places and ask

if they're hiring you

give them a big attitude

we should call small business owners

and ask if they're hiring at like 12 in the morning

and yeah evil already and me we were prank calling during the day where we're calling a

gay chat line just for fun and we kept saying horse and there was this gay black guy kept saying

this gay black i was like what the fuck is horse he said this attitude what do you mean horse what

the fuck is horse we started laughing yeah and i don't know where this guy got on and he was

pranking it too and he started playing a horse sound effect we started laughing and i already

was like was that you i was like that wasn't me that was just some guy playing a horse sound

This gay black guy was like, what the fuck is a horse?

Oh, can we call a I-kicked-your-car guy?

I-kicked-your-car guy?

The Audi guy?

It is Black Friday, I think, since it is Black Friday.

Yeah, buddy.

We're calling Joe.

Who's Joe?

MPSA Krover sent Joe.

That's a smanty.

He's down on time.

It's unanswered.

Draft picks.

We called them, I think, last week.

Draft picks.

Or two weeks ago.

Fantasy football parent call.

two weeks ago. I complained.

Joe didn't tell me about the fantasy football.

Thursday, whatever.

I'm drunk.

I'm really drunk.

Should I say that somebody, my dad

went over there to...

You have a dad?

How many fathers do you have?

I'll pretend to say, hey, my dad

went over there. He was really angry at you the other week

because you didn't tell him about the game.

Don't laugh.

Holy shit, dude.

Carly Osadriast

in that last one by the way

alright everybody thanks for hanging in there with us

I'm drunk and I'm assuming

the rest of us are pretty out there right now

this is a prank call

I'm quite jealous I'm totally sober

well you're working I hope you are

I'm English and I'm sober

and I keep my head in my seat

you're wackos

you're Americans

is that what I sound like

no

you all sound the same you Kate did

Yeah, we're just imitating you.

We're being stupid Americans right now.

We love you, though.

I know we're stupid Americans.

I love BBC America.

I want to talk.

I spent, God, how long?

Every day at work, it was either drunk or high.

You went to work drunk?

All the time.

What?

All the time.

I spent a whole year, about a half a year, where I came in drunk every time.

Yeah, it was my thing.

I spent a whole year where I came into work stoned, so, you know.

Oh, well, yeah.

I was drunk.

drunk uh that because i worked in a call center and it was like no one mess it was saturday

mornings i was by myself for the first three hours of the day and it was bad i mean it was i had a

drinking problem for a while it was like six o'clock in the morning i'm driving to work and

i would get to an area where i knew there were no cops and i had like 10 minutes before i got to

work and i would always have like three beers on me and i'd chug them real quick and i'd be drunk

for the first three hours of work and then i the one time i passed i like i fell asleep at work

and my boss told me

he was like yeah I think you were sleeping

the other morning

because a call came in and we were monitoring you

and it was recorded

and you're like you weren't answering

but we could hear your breathing

I didn't tell him I was drinking

he didn't know but he figured I fell asleep

that was funny

that's the same boss that recorded me

when I went

the lady was complaining about her service being done

I went

I don't know

this place is open there

in the Paso Cobra

anyway guys

it's um

it's been an awesome show

um

I gotta

gotta make a move

whatever

bye

go staple your papers

bye

I wish uh

yeah I wish I could get drunk

but I can't

okay

alright

see you guys next week

and uh

good luck with your um

with your I think

yeah so hopefully

I'll be on next week

if not you know what happened

yeah

bye bye

you're dead

I fell out

good luck man

I swallowed my...

My retina better not detach.

It's going to suck. I'm going to be facing down for a whole week.

At least I've got my Android phone,

my Netflix. I'm good to go.

Keep in touch with me.

Let me know what you're doing

and how you're doing with your stuff.

If you need help, send it.

I will. MPSACobra, I'm sorry.

I'm trying to call your number

that you sent in, Joe. I know we called him before,

but it's just not going through. I'll have to move on.

Sorry, buddy. Carlito, if you need anybody

to send you porn pictures or anything

I can email you some, I can google some

images of boobs for you and stuff

I'm pretty good at getting the porn on my own

even on the Android phone, yeah

I've done that a few times, I've been on the toilet

in the mall looking at porn before

we've all been there

haven't we been there, seriously?

no, we've all done it at work

well that's because you don't have 4G where you're at

Tucker Mike, you're in the sticks

that's true, that's what I'm saying

try to open a porn up on your phone and be like

Like, five hours later, you see a half-a-boob.

Oh, whoa.

Half-a-boob is coming up.

I can wait till I get home.

Yeah.

So, Ted, how long you had an Android phone for?

Tell me.

I don't know.

I'm curious.

About a year and a couple months.

I got a G1.

I was an early adopter, but...

Feel bad for you guys.

Not me.

I love my Android phone.

I do so much with it.

Yeah.

It's a little cuter, is what it is.

Yeah.

Do you enjoy your malware?

Malware?

I don't install anything that's got malware.

It's a fixed-space operating system.

The argument doesn't work.

You love Chapman Mao!

The malware.

Is there malware in Android?

That's what I hear, but I haven't seen it.

There's supposedly a shitload of it in the Android market.

In the black market, maybe?

No, in the official market.

Well, you know, I use the anti-malware app.

Lookouts.

I use Lookouts, so I'm okay.

look out that's what it's called look out look out buyer beware you enjoy something written by

two-year-old korean look i i love i got my netflix app on there you know what else do i got on there

i've got my ftp app so if i want to get something when i'm away from home off my server i get it

off my ftp server here at home um i've got my uh my dlna server running on there so i can i can

I can watch videos and music, listen to music on my podcast.

I already talked about this, but I love it.

Have I mentioned I love my phone?

What do you have?

What kind is it?

I've got the G2.

Last week, Athena got the HTC Amaze.

It was a toss-up between the Amaze and the Galaxy S2.

She almost got the Galaxy S2 because it has the bigger screen,

but I just know Samsung's history with supporting phones

when all of a sudden they're like,

eh, we're not going to support that phone anymore.

So I told her, get the HTC phone,

because I know with HTC I can always slap a customized ROM on it

in a few months if I need to.

It's going to be pretty well supported.

You're not missing out.

Right now I'm just waiting for CyanogenMod,

one of the more popular Android mods out there.

Waiting for version 9,

which is going to be an ice cream sandwich build.

They're expecting it first week of January.

They're working on it now.

They're testing it.

yeah what's with the android naming the weird names yeah it's uh dessert names in order

yeah if i i don't know what a was alpha i guess b i don't remember for what i remember was cupcake

donut eclair frollo gingerbread h i forgot what h was honeycomb tablet one and then ice cream

sandwich in that order that's pretty sad that i know that but that's that's how those that's

your that's your version history of android ken big ken first time on the show long time

listener how you doing ken all right ken good deal what's going on man ken you got ken if uh

last year you got really upset at rbcp when when you got when you thought he uh hacked the show

remember that that was pretty funny really pissed about that yeah it was a joke rbc i know that but

But I didn't want to hear them.

I wanted to hear what you were doing.

Aw, thanks, buddy.

I love you, too.

All right, cool.

I recently, he has a faggy voice.

Wow.

You know, I'm not saying anything.

All right, someone sent in a number for their parents.

Call my parents and tell them that you need to confirm an order for 300 cacti.

My dad is really gullible and should fall for it.

Okay, good.

We can do that.

300 cacti.

Oh, so we're stealing a concept of someone else's show.

Some Brad Carter faggy guy.

Not faggy.

Whatever we said his voice sounds like.

Brad the Carver, you should call him to defend yourself.

Yeah, anybody who wants to, I'm opening it.

We can get as many people as Skype will hold tonight.

I'm more than happy to connect with you.

Now, I'm going to let you know, I'm hearing echo from everybody.

Yeah, me too.

So, is everyone else hearing the echo too?

I don't have an echo.

You know what I would like to do?

Because Skype is acting a little funny for me also.

Let's disconnect the call and connect everybody else.

So, this way, we'll just refresh things.

I'm going to terminate the call.

All right, I'm going to terminate the call, and then Greggulate, IG, Iggy, Tuck, Ken, Austin, and Ted Webb.

Let's reconvene here, okay?

I'm going to go play Skyrim, so have a good night, guys.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Bye.

Know your Skyrim.

We'll call you back.

Who said that, Greggulate or IG69?

You sound the same to me.

I'm playing Greggulate, dude.

All right, cool, man.

We'll enjoy your Skyrim.

Okay, we'll bye.

Bye.

I'm not convinced I'm going to get Skyrim, but whatever.

All right, guys, we're reconvening.

Give me 10 seconds here.

I'm just going to have to call.

Ryan, turn me off the call.

I can't turn me off the call now.

There we go.

Everyone, as I mentioned before, this is Madhouse Radio Thanksgiving special.

We've

got 94 listeners right now

We hit 100 for a while there.

I haven't even looked at the chat room to see if you guys are enjoying the show or not.

We're really just babbling and doing pranks randomly now at this point.

A lot of numbers here for Lonesome Loser.

Lonesome, thanks, man, for hanging in there sending in numbers.

Got quite a few requested pranks also.

Keep sending those in.

We'll get to all of them tonight.

I have nothing to do tomorrow, so I don't care.

Hope you're all having a great Thanksgiving weekend.

Black Friday coming up next week.

Next week.

Black Friday coming up tomorrow.

And Tucker Mike checking in as number one.

Hey, I'm a number one.

Hey, Joe Bologna, number one.

Skype is still acting up for me here.

Excuse me.

Well, I mean, bring Brother Ick up, because if you call someone, it's just going to sound like a clusterfuck.

I'm going to sign out of Skype and sign back in.

I'll call you back, Tucker, right?

Okay.

All right, let me do that.

That might be a better idea.

Do a complete refresh here.

Stand by, folks.

Tedweb.

All right, good.

Got your back.

Good deal.

seriously what what why am i not understanding this skype thing all of a sudden show contacts

here we go i gotta go there's ken all right ken you're back yeah brad carter's calling in we got

big brad rbc brie rbcp brad's online all right good good sexy hey big guy call in because

nunu is keeping me down in the chat room good shit don't listen to nunu we'll get y'all wound

up talk call in i'm trying to call you and it's not lending me i don't know what's going on with

that mystery austin guy is on the line now good good who else who else are we missing ig drop ig's

got it i'm pretty excited about carlito and uh beeps and buttheads back on the air

hey yeah me too you know i've only seen the i've seen two episodes so far of the new season or the

new series if you want to call it um athena seen them all i've got i mean i can get them on on

demand but uh yeah it's pretty good it's exciting i like it it's good times um i like you know what

what i really like about the new beavis and butthead series i like how you know mtv has

changed in the last well when the beavis and butthead go off the air 97 yeah probably about

14 years ago yeah you know how mtv's changed so much since then where instead of really music

it's uh reality tv and i like how instead of instead of sitting there in front of the tv

watching uh music videos like they used to they they've mostly watched they uh they'll sit there

and critique reality shows

and stuff. It's pretty funny.

Yeah, I think the last one I watched, they were cracking on

Teen Cribs or something like that.

Yeah, it's pretty funny.

Which, it's true, it's actually

if they're going to be watching MTV, it's going to be

reality TV.

They're basically saying everything that we're thinking.

But who watches MTV?

Who watches MTV? I don't know, you know.

That's the thing.

What's on there? I mean,

I can't stand

Who is that?

You know, Athena got me wrapped up in the Jersey Shore thing.

For the longest, I stayed away from it.

I couldn't watch it.

And she's like, well, try what?

Now that I'm recuperating, I was recuperating for a while,

and I was like, I've got to watch something.

You're trapped.

And I got trapped.

I got sucked right in.

That first season on Netflix.

You feel so much better about your own life.

My God, yes.

I know, yeah.

They had the first season on Netflix.

She's like, well, Carlito, you should try to watch.

Let's watch it together.

Let's watch season one on Netflix.

PlayStation 3.

It's like a train wreck.

You've got to watch it.

And fuck.

The real world sucks now.

The new season that's on now

is really sucky.

Not funny at all.

What are you doing, Brad?

He's making those on purpose, Brad.

He left, too.

What's up, Brad?

I'm really disrespectful to him.

Shame on him.

He knew we got in trouble.

I'm going to write them up, as a matter of fact.

Alright, so we're reconvened here.

RBCP, call back in if you want to be on the show.

I'd like to get his thoughts on the current state of MTV.

We should do prank calls, though.

Maybe I should take a break, but I just don't feel like it.

If I take a break, I'm probably going to lose the whole thing.

We just reconvened anyway.

This is the guy who wants us to call his parents.

Why?

I don't have a name, but it's an order for cacti.

Here we go.

Is your grandmother's house far from you, IG-69?

No, it's like

I live in Brooklyn. I'm in Queens now.

It's like 10 miles away.

Isn't Queens a ghetto too?

No, it depends which part.

RBPP

I forgot he was even on.

What's he smoking?

I want some of it.

I lost RBPP.

He's smoking some of that oo-wee.

Oo-wee?

Sticky, sticky, icky, icky.

Hi, buddy.

I could use that man

I'll be honest with you a friend of mine

he's in California he's got the card

the card and he's like

he knows about my eye trouble

he's like you know Carlito I could get you that

I'm like how do you get I mean I'm in Pennsylvania

he's like I'll send it to you in the mail I'm like I don't know

what happens to the post office

that smells it

yeah

he's telling

every state has it

different though I mean most

Most states have it.

Unless you're dying of cancer, you can have or medicate a weed.

But, you know, if not, forget about it.

Though, California got a dispensary, so any, like, asshole can get a car.

Maybe go in and talk to your big toe hurts and get a car.

I have a cold.

Not Washington State.

That's what I mean.

Washington State, is it even laxer?

Yeah, yeah.

I was an owner of a hydroponic store here.

here and uh all you need is a three doctor notes saying that your lower back hurts or three doctor

notes i can get that you're gonna go that's awesome i can get that all my trouble three

doctor notes from three different doctors or three notes from one doctor same doctor no way

that's awesome that's go to seattle you go to seattle and you get uh so why do you bother

writing two extra notes then well you have to have uh it's over a period of time over two or

three months you go in three different times three different notes copies yeah right like

just sign it yeah are you at that point you are and signing i'm not right now another note man

just just make a copy just make a fucking god yeah but california is insane like the friend

of mine he's like dude i just i just went i said my neck like all right here you go yeah here you

go have a beer sit down have a beer pick your weed smoke a hairy one want to eat it but that

That shit's expensive as fucking hell.

I know, yeah.

But he's like, you know, he said, don't even send me the money, man.

If your eyes are bad, this will help you out, old man.

I'm like, ah, it's my wife.

You know, I might be mad about it, but just sending in the mail or whatever, you know.

I probably wouldn't open the package for a week just in case, you know, because you hear.

I mean, in Florida, they mail.

That's the majority of the week it's sent around.

Like, it comes up to Texas and California from Mexico, and it gets mailed these days.

People don't want to travel with it.

From what I understand, that's what I hear the street beat says.

Well, you see those cops all the time.

They'll sit out there and wait out in front of people's houses and stuff.

They get the package, open it right up, and they raid the houses and fucking take them to jail.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

I'd leave it there and let them come and say, I don't know.

What are you talking about?

I didn't open it.

I don't know who sent that to me.

I didn't open it.

Not my package.

I mean, they delivered it.

I didn't open it.

I was scared.

Put somebody you dislike's return address on it.

Yeah, there you go.

Somebody you hate, like your archenemy.

just have him send it

under another name

and be like

oh my package

I don't know

whose it is

yeah

under another name

and whatever

and just

I don't know

I'd be too nervous

I don't know

how do you send it

without them

I mean

you send in coffee

coffee cans

you get like

Kona coffee

and you put them

inside coffee cans

yeah just like

on Beverly Hills Cop

the first one

he was hiding all the

coke and shit

and all the coffee grounds

coffee

that's right

that's what I hear

you put in coffee

make it airtight too

when you put it in there

you know use a

that's right

yeah airtight too

Yeah, that helps out.

And there's so much mail.

You know, this is the time of year probably to do it if we're going to do it.

Do it around Christmas time.

There's so much fucking mail in the system.

Packages and cards and stuff like that.

I doubt they catch anything.

They might catch some stuff, but fuck.

All right, anyway, calling parents.

Dad, you should get the cards.

You're in California.

Anybody who's in California doesn't get the cards, a traitor.

No one reads.

Don't even smoke it.

Just get it.

Yeah, hi.

I'm calling about your order for cactus.

You have 300 cacti.

Whoa.

Black Friday special.

You order 300 cacti.

calling to confirm that you've got your dog no no no no listen listen you order 300 cacti just

right now on the internet i've got you down and i didn't have a name so oh the user who sent that

in that's great guys sounds like sam sam sam the donut man it did xyzqwa who sent in that number

in michigan no idea who was i was prank calling but i tried it he didn't seem to okay can you

put president open yeah can you call the number i put in the chat um you know i could i want to

call that you put it in the main chat the skype chat oh the sky oh okay it's the 518 number yeah

oh there it is um how do i do this do i click on your name let's see who you gotta you gotta

call and call and then like no i do here i'll send i am it says i am it's under i am under i am

here we go the 518 number yeah and you want to do this number yeah all right sure body no one's

It's going to help you out either, by the way.

When you call it like this, ball's a wall.

We're all going mute.

It's all on you.

I got it.

Abandoned call.

I'm tired.

What?

He's sick and tired.

We'll listen to the rest of Goodbye Horses here, crying over you.

Dark Stranger quoting that movie.

That petered out like a Mayan.

That ring started petering out.

Did it?

No, I didn't hear that.

I didn't hear it like that.

Just trying to.

No, it didn't sound funky to me.

I know, that's like in a, that place is like in a remote town of like 2,000 people, and

you know, like, stuff around it, so I was gonna make them believe me and say, I'm in

the church next door, can you open me some drugs?

Uh-huh.

Give me the meth dealer, right?

I hope you guys have seen this movie, what's it called, Silence of the Lambs, very good

movie.

Right, right, right, right.

This is the part where, the sexiest part of this movie is when the guy's jerking off

in a jail cell, but this is the second sexiest when the guy was dancing.

I'm right.

That's what Bill, what was his name?

He's like, would you fuck me?

Buffalo Bill

Buffalo Bill was a serial killer

I'd fuck me hard

I'd fuck me

I'd fuck me hard

Oh god it's so nasty

Freaked me out

I was a 6th grader when that came out

Oh fuck

Anyway we're out of horse music

Uh yeah if you got a prank call

Request to send him in

Let me go to Lonesome Loser

He sent in a number for the Vatican

It should be a good call

I can call his father recorders

I got to slow my roll with my drinking because I had a feeling like I was going to throw up a second ago.

That's not good.

That'd be a first.

Well, I got a lot of you.

We got Australian numbers here.

Okay, Lonesome Losers sent in numbers in Australia.

The Bulls Head Pub, all-time favorite.

A lot of times these people just haven't been answering until tonight.

They are answering tonight for the first time in a long time.

Are those the people that called you a Tasa?

Yeah, Tasa.

Tasa.

A one-two off.

Old Navy.

That's one of those stores.

It opened at midnight tonight

We are ready to talk to the home of Hotel

Hey Curly, did you ever give a call to the

Golden Corral about their Chocolate Wonderful?

Yeah, we did

Was it last week we called about them?

Or two weeks ago?

We said we wanted to stick my penis in there

And the lady hung up

Yeah, I must have missed it, I had to split the last part of that show

But it sounded like some good stuff

I was sitting there watching that commercial

I'm like, that is the wrong wording for that commercial

Yeah, I said that, I let her off for a little while

She hung up really quick when I went to the cock

but i asked her what i think i asked her if it was if it was hot if it was going to burn my skin

she's like no no it won't burn your skin it's like i'll put my dick in it it's like click

red flag yeah my special skin right italy this comes up as the vatican all right

the vatican all right well answer they're too busy praying for the world to take your call

So, you know, I'm really tired when they don't answer the phone.

I'm over it.

RBCP is trying to connect.

RBCP, are you there?

Someone's ringing.

Hmm.

All right, more requested pranks coming in.

If anybody has any numbers you want to call, you know are open today on Thanksgiving.

Let us know.

In the meantime, we have a number here in Australia we're going to call.

Brad passed out.

Where is Brad?

Hi, this is Roy.

I'm not here right now.

So, please leave your message at the top.

Hey, Roy, you dinged my car.

Call me back.

Carlito, thanks.

Could you be less creepy?

Yeah, I know, right?

Hi, Mrs. Roy.

Hey, this is Brad. I'm diddling my pickle.

Leave a message.

I'm touching myself.

I'm talking in the back and dancing in front of the mirror.

I need a temperature sending unit for 98.4.

I need a self-sealing stem bolt.

Hello, this is Sam Blackman.

Yes, hi, is this Australia?

Hello?

Damn, you stupid bitch.

Listen, you stupid bitch, is this Australia?

What do you mean?

That's not an insult in the United States

I'm an American

We say stupid bitch all the time

It's a compliment

This is Australia

This is Valente

I'm on the line with Tuck

And Ted

And the other Ted

And IG-69

We're in the United States

I need a wallaby

I'm calling for wallabies

Do you have kangaroo kebabs there please?

Kangaroo kebabs

Is David here?

Hello this is Ted from BEMA

I'm calling on the behalf of the American Society

society helping you out from the local flooding you've had is there any way i can help you are

you confused miss well are you confused yet what you said is that you're from fema and you want to

help i'm here to help you with the flooding the local flooding you've had david blackman asked

us to call about the flooding um don't don't accept help from him because he's going to give

you like a trailer home that my dad's not here right now your dad's not there david blackman

and that's white.

Is your mother around?

Why do you need me

to make that distinction?

Is your,

your dad's not there,

you said?

No.

Are you all alone?

Is your dad white?

Are you all alone?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Dirty girl shouldn't

be home alone.

Is your dad black or white?

No.

He's neither?

He's not black or white?

He's yellow.

Is he Asian?

He's more of a,

he's more of a tan

crocodile dundee color.

She's still on the phone?

Yeah.

Is she still there?

Yeah, she's still there.

Wow.

Yeah, I'm still on.

Okay, so,

I'm calling about, you sold me a defective Wallaby.

My dad's not here.

What does your dad do for a living?

You sold me a defective Wallaby on Craigslist.

Pardon?

I want to return this Wallaby.

It's insulin.

The ad clearly stated that the Wallaby would be well-behaved upon receipt.

The Wallaby bit my toe off, okay?

This is a serious issue.

You owe me a toe.

Can I please have yours?

Is it painted?

Someone owes me ten bucks for how long you're still staying on the line here.

Can I talk to your mother, please?

I won. I win.

No, I bet ten minutes. I bet ten minutes, Mike.

Do you have athlete's foot, ma'am?

Do you have athlete's foot?

Do you have that not-so-fresh feeling?

Do you have squid sausage?

Do you get your period?

Is your refrigerator running?

What is the meaning of life?

And do you have Prince Albert in a can?

There she goes. She's on the hangar.

No, but Prince Albert's on the can.

I thought I had to take a shit, but then I farted and it went away.

Well, well, magic.

That kind of stuff happens.

Glad I didn't fart my, uh, shit in my pants.

I was afraid of that.

Yeah, you better be glad you didn't shit your pants.

I took a risk there with that one.

Oh, Carlito.

Hey.

I put on, in the Skype IM, I put a number for a lady in the casual.

A lady?

Yes.

All right, let me call the Bullseye Pub.

We haven't talked to them in a few years.

Give me a second.

Let me take this one, guys.

Three more rings.

Got it.

One, two.

Right, right, yeah, there.

Nothing.

No answer there

Oh poop

Oh Carlito

Can you call

The number I put

In the Skype I know

What number is it

Is it a good one

Yeah

You sure

Did you confirm it

Off the air

It's a Craigslist

Craigslist lady

What she got

Yeah

New York City

What do you pick it up

NRC

What is she Craigslisting

Uh

Personal

Oh you can't tell us

Casual

No no

It's in the personal section

Well what is it then

Casual encounters

County. Ooh, I smell what she's

selling. Smell her boozy.

Oh, boy. Here we go.

Who's taking this? I'll take this one.

I guess Lapin. Lapin, boy, take it. Cross, take it.

Cross. Alright, Cross it is.

Yes, hi. You were in Craigslist?

My name is Cross.

Hello, ma'am.

That was a quick hangout. I know, right?

She goes, hello, and I heard someone in the background

and she left. And I heard kids in the background.

Bitch, shut off that phone.

Good job, Eric.

I'm so over the people with the music and the not talking on the voicemail.

Not even.

This is like when we blast music.

Can't even tell what it is.

Some stupid reggaeton shit.

That's the number that says on here.

Well, put your number in the ad in the ad and not answer.

That could be interesting.

Oh, whatever.

All right.

Nothing there.

Going straight to voice.

Nailed.

I got the shit slapped out of her by the guy in the background.

Yeah.

You're on Craigslist again.

Bitch, what did I tell you about putting out ads for Extreme Man on Craigslist?

I told you about getting on that computer.

I told you about selling out posters.

She's reconsidering her lifestyle.

She's already had one or two bad sort of instances with that ad,

and she's reconsidering it and right in the middle of when we were calling.

She's having second thoughts about the whole thing.

Now, wait a minute.

Weren't we supposed to call somebody after a few hours?

What about Bruno?

What happened to Bruno?

Is that working?

He's going to be in?

I think in about eight minutes or so he's supposed to be in.

In about eight minutes.

No, but they told us that he died.

Oh, he died.

That's right.

Bruno died.

Let's call Hooters.

You should call if they tell you that he died again.

Ask where he's buried because you want to piss on his grave.

what is this the same bruno in the french hotel yeah and he's working at hooters in america or

hooters in france no no no ernie is in guam in the hotel and in the restaurant that we called

last year and kept saying that we're masturbating horses he left the one he left the one restaurant

and now works at the hooters for the same company i guess they own the same

Uh, it has nothing to do with Bruno at all.

No, no, no, no.

Bruno's different.

Bruno is a, yeah, yeah, and I'm putting in the number in Skype, and here we go.

Well, Q-U-O-Z is confirming there is no obituary for Bruno, so we are okay.

The number of the Hooters is busy.

Oh, the other number in the Skype IM just got posted like a minute ago.

Uh-huh.

Jen and Vic.

And Jen and Vic, and they're what, Craigslisters looking for sex?

Yeah.

Yeah, Eastern European, it says.

Eastern European.

Wow.

Eastern European.

That means they don't shave.

That means they're communists.

That means they're hot as hell, though.

Should be.

Another guy.

They don't look too hot.

Thought we got gonorrhea or some shit, but it's no deal because you get a shot.

Well, you can take that hit.

Picky, picky.

Take a shot.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

You're in the Craigslist?

My name is Cross.

Okay, nice to meet you.

Hi, good.

I'm Jenny.

Hi, Jenny.

You have a boyfriend?

A boyfriend?

Mm-hmm.

No, I do not.

Oh, you're a single girl?

Yeah.

Do you like ice cream?

Uh, yeah, I do.

I'd like to take you for ice cream.

Um, okay.

Okay, and we eat ice cream together.

And my son's gonna come.

He's 15.

He likes that, too.

I like to get my fair share.

This is for my son.

He's a virgin.

He must be a man now.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Bye.

Hey.

No, no, no, bye.

Come on.

I was kidding, no.

Oh, man.

Gina's a loss.

Piggy bitch.

so you said 15 you said 18 i said 50 you forgot how old i am if you said 18 you could have gone

somewhere with it shut up i'm just saying you think he sounds 18 talk really no but

you have to say 18 they know he's 50 but you have to say 18 okay it's your cops but the person you

called has a voicemail box that has not been

set up yet. Balls.

Lazy bitch didn't even set up her voicemail.

It just says cop.

I hate people who don't set up their voicemail.

What kind of shit is that, man? They put an ad

on Craigslist and they don't even set up their voicemail.

Jeez. They're not expecting to get

the voicemail. Yeah, I'd get some

hard cock if you don't set up your voicemail.

Alright, Google Voice, you got it. Yes.

You call back, say you're 18.

Very believable, I'm sure.

I am 18.

18.

What is your name?

18.

Okay.

I used to see a girl playing a little boy's voice, all right?

And when it was that.

Like the pimple-faced kid from The Simpsons.

I'm 18.

Oh, my.

That guy from The Simpsons is like 32.

He said on one episode that he felt a vat of oil.

That's why he talks like he looks like that.

Again, The Simpsons?

The pimple kid?

Yeah.

Is that what they call him?

Pimple 18?

That's the character's name, Pimple 18.

Hello?

Hey, man.

I'm calling back.

I got it on Craigslist.

Okay.

Where are you located?

Hey, man.

I'm in, uh, Bensonhurst.

Oh, no, I'm sorry, hon.

Today it's pretty far.

Maybe next time.

I come to you, don't worry.

I get a hotel room.

Don't worry.

You got lots of money.

I go to hotels only in Manhattan.

No, don't worry.

My dad has a hotel.

We stay there.

Come on.

My dad's in the business, you know.

Where is the hotel?

The hotel?

My dad's a big...

My dad's a big wig at the, uh, Holiday Inn.

He can stay free at any Holiday Inn I want.

Where, in Manhattan?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, where do you want to meet up?

Take

a room at this hotel in manhattan and i can come over yeah of course uh well where you want

but where where you at how old are you 19 why no i'm sorry you're too young by no she died story

of my life back then i used to call prostitutes all the time ig69 and they never wanted you can't

You can never get this.

Looks like in the chat room

they found Bruno's Facebook page.

Did they?

He's alive.

He's alive, that bastard.

Hello.

We got a number from Hello.

He sent in a number for a guy named Kevin

who likes furries.

Oh, Carlito.

That's a great idea.

We should call people on the Craigslist

who are, it's like the guys for guys, casual

encounters, and tell them that we're from the

Catholic Church and that they need to stop or they're

going to hell. Good point. Then they might

go to hell for that. Some people might

see. You're correct. And so will you now.

Good idea. Demming yourself.

You know, there could be people right here

on this convention now that are not straight

and that will hurt their feelings. Are they just kidding?

I don't know. I'm kidding. Who cares

about that? I'm kidding.

Kevin? Kevin?

Yes, hi, Kevin. I'm a furry. I'm a horse.

Hello? Yes, hi, Kevin.

Evan, you stupid bitch.

Okay, call me back.

Piece of shit.

Sucker, call me cocksucker.

Cocksucker, you call me cocksucker, you bitch?

What the fuck is this?

You stupid bitch.

I'm a horse.

I'm a furry.

I'm a horse.

Oh.

Yeah, call me again, my...

Yeah, fuck you.

Fuck you.

What's gonna happen, stupid bitch?

Stupid son of a bitch.

Yeah.

You have fun, motherfucker.

You're up top watching.

My dad can beat up your dad, bitch.

My name is Tucker.

Who the fuck is this?

My dad can beat up your dad, bitch.

What you gonna do?

My name is Mike Tucker. I live in Memphis, Tennessee.

Mike Tucker?

Yeah, Mike.

My name is Ted Bugie.

Fagro, yo.

Not calling me again, motherfucker.

Or what?

Or what do you do?

Or what, bitch?

Hide your false threats hiding behind your telephone machine.

Call him back.

Call him again.

Yeah, they're like, call him again, motherfucker.

What happened to Matt? Did he pass out?

Laugh track? I think you did.

Man.

That's like a fuckin' hit.

Hey dude, you're too fuckin' fat to hide behind your t-

WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?

Hey, okay.

All seriousness, I wanna fuck your mother.

Yo, where is she at right now, yo?

Say hello to my little friend, man.

He said to call you back, I don't- sir.

You're kinda drunk right now, you said to call us back or something?

You want me to call you back again?

Are you- hold on.

It's John, I'm just fuckin' with you, don't get mad.

Yeah, don't be mad.

It's fine.

Just stay on that, just stay on that.

Just hold on.

He's tracking us, he's- he's chasing us.

Because, uh, you know, secretly, I'm stroking my dick listening to your voice.

It's hot.

Yo, we're calling from, uh, Canada.

You can't do anything.

Is he still there?

Oh, man, no.

Hello?

Hey.

Who the fuck is this?

This is Cross.

Who the fuck is Cross?

This is me.

That's my name, Cross.

I'm here with my boys.

You were talking shit about me, and now we're here to get you.

Accept defeat.

Resistance is futile.

What the fuck are you?

What?

We are in charge here now.

We're in charge of your phone, and we're taking it over.

Gentlemen, tell him something, please.

Yo, my name is Curtis Jones.

This is Ken Kidniff from Connecticut

And I'm Curtis Lee Jones

Tucker Mike's on the line too

He's a badass

I'm Buffalo Bill

I'm here to take your skin

I'm a red skin

Bubba Johnson's here somewhere too probably

I'm a red skin man

Still there man

Curtis, Curtis, Curtis the super hacker

Hey you couldn't say my name by the way

I'm sorry

I'm sorry I'll stop

I wouldn't like it if you said my name

He's like

That is unanswered

One more time

I said that to some guy the other day

pranked him. He was like, who is this?

I said, I'm Tucker Mark.

He's like, what? Oh, God, why?

I told you about that.

Was that the flag guy? Yeah, the flag guy.

That was crazy.

I think I knew enough.

Tucker Mark I'm fine with,

but the other way around, I'm not.

You would never guess that.

You have reached the Sprint Voice mailbox of...

There you go, guys. Have fun with that.

Alright. What if I said

Tucker comma Mike?

No, just Tuck is fine

Tuck is fine

What about Tuck C-Mike?

Tuck C-Mike

What?

What are you talking about?

I don't know

Weirdo

Tuck C-Mike

Anyway

Tuck C-Mike

So here's here

We got

Tuck

Tuck is here

RG69

Ken

Ted Webb

Are you here still?

Did you drop off?

I think Ted's having some wine

With his old lady

A few weeks ago

Yep

Sounds like it

and Austin, too.

You got it, partner.

I'll try to call Brad Carter again.

Might be wrapping up the show soon

because I'm just about ready to pass out.

I've got 93 listeners plus whatever...

Well, Brad's already passed out, so...

You can call Hooters, though, before you go.

That's right.

He should be there about five minutes ago.

Oh, okay.

All right, we're calling him.

If Brad Otter will call him.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

I'm going to sleep really good tonight.

Red skin, man.

Yippee!

There we go, Brad.

Yeehaw!

Hey, this is Roy.

I'm not here right now

So please leave your message

Well RBCP if you're in the chat room

So you're not passed out

Then why aren't you answering the phone

Maybe you have to think RBCP in the chat room

Maybe you're a sellout

He's not in the other Skype machine

R-B-P-P-P

P-P-O-P-P

R-B-P-P

You know me

I know I know I know

I got this

Man let's speak with Ernie please

This is Ernie

Ernie hi this is Cross how are you doing

Hi, Cross. How are you?

I'm good. Listen, there's a problem.

I went there for wings and fried pickles.

I sat down and the woman sat next to me.

She kept coming by to the table.

And she sat down at the table with me.

I think she was attracted to me.

And then she got close and she told me a story about a horse.

The horse, so she touched the horse.

She said that Ernie was in charge of the horse.

That Ernie brings the horse and the woman touches the horse and they have a horse show.

Is this true?

Where can I see the horse show then?

Really familiar to a conversation I had with someone a long time ago.

About a year ago?

Yeah.

A year to the day?

Probably.

It was.

We talked about the horse together, remember?

Remember you touched the horse for me and I watched it?

I didn't touch a horse for anybody.

No, you didn't.

I watched you touch the horse.

Horse.

Shen, while you keep calling me, or you called me before and then you're calling me now to

me about a horse.

Honestly, if you want to come and talk to me about a horse, why don't you come down

here and talk to me to my face?

Because I'm really sick and tired of this.

You touched the horse and I got turned on

And I like it

She's calling back

I want to talk to her

That was fucking epic

I go after this guy

Hey how's it going

Hey I had a question here

I was in earlier today

And I had this waitress

Not sure what her name is

Yeah this is John

She had like brown

I don't understand why you guys, you and this other guy, continues to harass me like a fucking horse.

I think you love it.

Why don't you grow up?

I think you want to deep throat the horse.

man this horse story is getting weird weird i don't know what that it's getting weird

oh my god dude you had me dying ken i couldn't breathe can i call is this already yet yep okay

we're calling to respond can we speak in how may i help you hi this is this is royden can i

please speak to your manager i have a complaint this is who this is royden ziggler one moment

Thank you.

This is who?

Royden Ziegler.

I still don't know what you're saying.

Royden Ziegler.

Okay.

Roy Dunn Ziegler.

I believe you.

Whatever you're saying.

Holding.

While we hold, I will call from the other line.

Thank you for holding.

We'll help you.

Hi.

Is this the manager?

Hi, this is Royden Ziegler.

I like to make a complaint.

I heard that there's some guy over there.

Of course.

Hello.

There's a white liquid everywhere.

everywhere. I'm crying now because I'm so sad. I have to go to therapy now to treat

this. I'm crying. Hello? Yeah, you're masturbating a horse over there, sir. You need to stop

that. You know, um, we actually got in trouble. We got someone for doing this. This is not

harassment, sir. This is an informative call. This is not a harassing call. I can prove

this. His chicken wings taste like someone jerked a horse off on the wings. There's like

there's a horse smell on it let me take you dude they hung right up try it again i'm out of tonic

now i'm drinking pepsi and gin hung up sorry you don't know oh that's right it's a guam number i

can't call it from google voice shit i forgot about that how can we get somebody in america

in trouble from guam get out of here talking about well the last time we called i called the

one week uh and then the week after thanksgiving i called and remember they're like the guy

oh, a masturbating horse guy's calling back.

And then the lady, she told me, like, yeah, we talked to the base commander.

Because basically Guam's just a big military base anyway.

They said they had talked to the base commander about my call the week before

about the horse, and they were investigating.

So basically if someone's going to masturbate a horse,

it's going to be the commander?

They said they had to report it to the base commander.

Guam's actually doing – I'd moved to Guam.

They've got pretty good opportunities there.

In the last – I think they're expecting in the next year their population is going to triple because from what I understand, the military presence in Japan is leaving Japan and being moved over to Guam.

The carrier group and all that, the Marine base and all that, they're getting out of Japan because the Japanese do not want the United States stationed there anymore.

Wait, so the population is going to go from 1,000 to 3,000?

Something like that. Whatever it is, they're saying the population

is going to triple.

It's in American territory.

It's a good place to live.

It's still busy. Holy shit.

We'll foot off the hook and try again.

I got a good one for him.

He did a job on a horse ranch.

Talk about

masturbating a monkey. A spider monkey.

Forget the horses. We're on muggies.

Horses.

I remember this conversation from

a long time ago. A year ago.

to the date yeah matter of fact yeah what was this give it a minute uh how is it that this

guy went a whole year without hearing about masturbating horses and he's still like

i've left that place i work somewhere else and this fucker is calling me and talking about

fucking horses this fucking pervert we don't need any unauthorized horse touching going on

over there if anybody's touching if anybody's touching a horse you need a license yeah call

call and tell him he's not able to touch the horse

without a condom. That's a big condom.

A horse gets big, man. I'm not saying

that I know from no one.

Is it busy again? Yeah, you really

need to call that lady back from Toys R Us

and mess with her. Yeah. I'm not

saying that I know from no one, but all I know

when I grew up in Puerto Rico, okay,

there were horses around. It was an

agricultural area that I lived in.

I didn't live in a metro area. I lived in

a fucking farm area.

This one time, there was a horse and my

my grandfather had a horse and I was outside with my cousins and the horse

farted and we all turned around and looked at the horse and we started

laughing and he got his huge borner after he farted.

I don't know what,

what about the fart made him get a hard on,

but he had this huge hard on.

And I used to live kind of out by like the country and stuff.

And they had a horse farm next door.

And I swear to God,

every time I go out and play in the yard,

there'll be two horses trying to fuck.

And I'm like,

just what I want to see when I'm out swinging.

That's some bullshit.

Yeah.

Well,

this horse is just crazy.

perk of the uh experience my grandfather had two horses he had the mean horse that he got rid of

it was so fucking mean that was that one he farted one day and we started cracking up we looked at

him and got this huge heart on and we're like what the fuck and then he had a female horse a mare and

she was really cool though forgot her name i don't know the man the the guy horse uh the the stallion

he was uh alonzo was his name alonzo he got loose once and it ran through the neighborhood

How do you tell this story before? I remember.

Yeah, Alonzo the horse.

You found him like midnight or something?

Something, yeah. He was going midnight, yeah.

He was horny.

Hello? Hello?

What?

You're racist.

What's that about?

Who's saying that?

Sir, I am deeply offended

by your comments.

I am not black, but I am offended by your comments.

Is he saying Tigger?

Tigger?

Tigger.

Wigger.

Tigger.

Wigger.

Tigger.

He's not a tiger, he's a Tigger because the British people are stupid.

He said Tigger.

Tigger.

There he goes.

I guess so.

Someone was calling us back from a prank call earlier and they're saying the N-word.

That's horrible.

Eh?

Fucking unacceptable.

I wonder why he's getting pranks.

Call us.

What Hooters do?

Fucking take the phone off the phone?

Yeah, they took it off the hook, I guess.

Hello?

He's back there holding his employees hostage

We can't take this shit anymore

Mr. Racist

Piglet

This is not it

Horse checker

Sir if you continue to talk like this

It's going to be constituted as a hate crime

And I'm going to have to fuck you in the ass

Or you can go to 10 years in jail

This call is now being recorded

Call recording off

This call is now being recorded

Call recording off

Alright, no answer there

Well he's calling in to be angry

But he's not very angry that time

I never saw that

I never saw

You never saw what?

I never saw another person get added on

To the talk

The conference

He's calling Google Voice

I see someone calling back now

I forget who we're calling now

Someone posted a number in the chat room

Stacy, hey Big Stacy, how you doing?

How you doing Big Stacy?

Hey buddy, how you doing?

This is Big Stacey.

This is Cross.

I'm on the line with Todd, Tad, Austin.

Everyone say hi.

Hey, man.

I'm waiting.

Hi.

How you doing, Q?

Hey, buddy.

How you doing?

Hi.

He's forcing me to say hi.

How you doing tonight?

We're across the basement right now.

My name is Douglas Clayton.

Have you ever had a hot plate?

All right, then.

What do you say?

Hey, buddy.

Are you there?

Man.

Now what do we do?

Hello?

Hey, buddy.

Line of action?

Hey, buddy.

How you doing?

Hello?

What's this?

You love being called buddy and cute.

Hey, guys, quiet.

This call will be recorded.

You call here being all quiet, you son of a bitch.

This call is now being recorded.

Go ahead.

We're recording you.

We're tracing your call.

All right.

Ryan, record the call, please.

We're tracing your call, sir.

You made the racist hate crime call.

...your phone.

Tap, tap.

You heard you say the N-word and somebody here was black.

We hung up on him.

I hung up on him.

He'll call back in a second.

Wait.

There we go.

All right.

Hello?

...direction.

Bye.

Hi.

Very useful information.

My dick feels like corn.

Somebody get the butter.

Wait, were you the guy that was telling us that he was going to masturbate a horse?

Yes.

Hey.

Can we help you?

Welcome to Coast to Coast with George Norrie.

How can I help you today?

Dude, if you're going to call, do something.

Say something.

You're pretty boring.

Yeah, man.

Just make my penis talk.

Get off my phone.

You're from North Carolina or something?

Hello?

Do you want to be friends or something?

Say something.

Come on.

Hold hands, maybe?

You're lacking companionship in your life

I hear him fucking giggling

I don't know

You're not going to be able to call again

I just blocked you

Say something now before we hang up

You won't be able to call back

You just need a big ol' hug

That's all you need

He's a big ol' something

I'm not sure it's a hug

He's a big ol' something

You gotta start with a hug first

Yeah

Don't go straight to the clitoris

So, uh, what's up with, uh,

Stacey? Hello?

What's, uh, is that a friend of yours?

Mrs. Carlito.

Stacey loves being

called buddy and cute.

Okay. We'll try Stacey again

and then we'll try, um,

I'd say we try Bruno again also.

Excuse me, and then Hooters.

Hey, buddy, how you doing?

Hi, okay, who's this again?

Uh, this is Cross.

You're my little cutie.

My little teddy bear.

teddy bear you really want to be my little teddy bear i want to kiss you all over who is this

this is cross i'm a handsome boy i have nice eyebrows i have no idea what that means you

know what eyebrows are they're on your eyes where the brows yeah i have my number oh you know we

talked before you came to my you came to my job and i copied down your number when you weren't

looking i looked at your i looked at your cell phone and i got your phone number when a few

A few weeks ago. Look, you're cute. You're a cutie.

I've been drinking a lot tonight for Thanksgiving.

Oh.

Uh-huh.

I just want you to have an ass that doesn't quit.

Okay.

And we have a sausage party over here, so we want you to come and be here with us.

Yeah, over in California, sure.

That's fine. We're in California, too.

Have you ever heard of the Japanese art of bukkake?

Don't go. Tell them, guys. What's bukkake?

It's when you shit on your hand and you draw on the wall with your shit.

That is exactly right.

That shit is insane.

I don't know where you got that, but, golly, you hit it right on the head.

Oh, you had her creeped out when you said you wrote down her number, which it wasn't looking.

That was great.

Yeah, well, yeah.

Sorry, guys.

Hey, Carlito, you have gin?

Do I have gin?

Drinking gin?

Or gin stew?

Yeah.

I'm drinking.

I've been drinking gin since 2 o'clock this afternoon.

Swiggy, swiggy, gluggy, gluggy.

I've been drinking gin for two hours now, as a matter of fact.

Twelve hours, twelve hours.

Whoa.

Wow.

Who am I calling?

9-8-0.

I don't know who this is.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Nine, eight.

Oh, man.

You know what you do, Carlito?

What?

You pour, like, some gin into a glass, and then you pour, like, Sprite or something.

Huh?

And then you make a good drink like that.

Yeah?

Is that how you do it?

It's called Tom Collins, yeah.

Yeah, I did that.

I started out with that, Sprite Zero and gin.

And, you know, here's what I did.

Look, guys, listen.

I did that.

I did Sprite Zero, Sprite, in your case, gin.

gin and i put us i was putting a splash of peppermint schnapps oh it was good oh geez and

then i did that and on top of that i added a splash of cranberry juice and that was good too

i have no i was calling the first one i call the peach orchard with the peppermint schnapps the

second one the cranberry i don't know that's just crazy i don't know what to call it and that's when

And Athena told me to slow down

And then my pants fell down in front of her family

And I'm sure they were thankful for that

I said

I called all the ladies a bitches

My mother-in-law called her bitches

Gotta keep your pimp hands strong

My mother-in-law

Get the baby powder out

For some reason I told my mother-in-law

To go draw me a bath

And we weren't even in her house

drop your pants right in front of her

don't throw me a bath bitch

I have a lot of splint in it

hello

now your wife just looks at you

weird all night long

hello hooters

hooters

I assume that echo thing

when I call the pacific sometimes

I get an echo

be pacific

Ernie, the Tom Collins

is Sprite and Gin, right?

I'm not too sure.

You take a Sprite and you put Gin and you jerk off a horse.

And you put that inside the drink.

He's not talking.

Hello?

I know what you did, you old muggy.

Dirty bastard.

He's not even...

I really want to talk to him again.

Alright, Bruno, who's dead. Let's call him.

I gotta put you guys...

Let's call the dead guy.

He's pulling some Wiccan and Bernie shit.

Wiccan and Bruno's.

Yeah, Bruno fucking sitting there on strings and shit, pulling his arms up and down.

Hello, we're sending a number for a pickup artist named Ken.

Ken, is that you?

Same Ken?

No, I don't think so.

Okay.

All right, we get the Jamaican grill that we talked to last year also.

The guy called me a fucking nerd.

That was his insult.

You fucking nerd.

bumperdy.

What are you doing, man?

You have a Jamaican girl in the garden.

Angelica, sweetie, how may I help you?

Is this stupid Jamaican?

Excuse me?

Is this stupid Jamaican food?

Uh, no, it's not stupid.

Yeah, it is.

It's pretty stupid.

Okay.

Yeah, stupid.

Okay, bye.

Can I make an order?

No, wait.

I want to make an order.

Okay, you just called us stupid.

No.

It's good food.

It's good.

Okay.

It's so good.

Stupid good.

Yeah, do you have...

Oh, okay.

It's stupid good.

Listen, I want to make an order.

Do you have, what's that called, the curry chicken?

No, we have vegetable curry.

Vegetable curry, that?

Yes.

Okay.

You want vegetable curry?

Show me.

And stupid people make the food for me?

Yes.

Okay.

Are you a Jamaican?

Maybe.

I had sex with a Jamaican once, and her vagina smelled like armpits.

What?

It's true.

It happened.

It smelled like armpits.

The black girls smell like armpits down there.

What?

I'm glad if it was Asian armpits.

The black girls smell like armpits down there.

The who?

Armpits.

The black girls.

What about?

They smell like armpits.

Okay.

I'm going to lick your armpit hair.

Well, why does that happen?

Why?

I don't know why.

Does it have something to do with your diet?

Diet?

The white girls smell like tuna.

The black girls smell like armpits.

The Puerto Rican girls smell like garlic.

I want to lick your armpits.

Oh, yeah.

Listen.

What?

It's true.

The white, black girl smells like armpits.

What's true?

That black girl smells like armpits down there.

Go smell it for me and tell me.

Put your fingers down there and smell.

Just do it.

I won't tell anybody.

I'm trying to show you something.

Do you have a horse?

I'll tip you extra.

What?

Do you have horse there?

What the hell is that?

Touch the horse.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

Who's this?

No, I want food.

I want food.

Me hungry.

Who?

Me hungry.

It's green in his basement.

I don't know who you are.

I want food.

Okay, what do you want?

I want vagina-spelling or pit food.

What?

I want some chow mein.

You got chow mein?

I want chow mein.

You got sweet-sour chicken?

You want rice and chicken?

Yeah, sweet-sour chicken.

And I want chow mein.

And I want a little bit of rice.

And I want a little bit of vagina.

I can't understand you.

I want a little bit of vagina, a little bit of rice, a little bit of sweet-sour chicken.

Does my order come with a Bob Marley t-shirt?

Who does this?

I want my food.

Stop asking questions.

I want some young guy or hoof on poop.

I want food.

Don't ask no more questions.

You understand?

Okay, what kind of food do you want?

I want sweet sour chicken and vagina.

Chicken and vagina.

I want Mexican and Asian food.

Who's this?

I want food.

It's your homeboy.

I see what you want.

If I pay extra, I'll spread your butt cheeks.

I want sweet sour chicken.

I want rice, chamomile, and armpit smell.

Spray it all on top.

What do you want?

What are you going to order?

You're making me very angry.

I want sweet-sauce chicken and I want armpit hair sprinkled on top.

I'll pay extra.

No, I want armpit hair on the side.

Oh, guys, come on, come on.

Okay, seriously, what I want you to do is go on the back to the grill,

spread your butt cheeks and put them on the grill.

And I want to smell that because I think it would be fantastic.

Yeah, did you rub butter?

I love you.

You look real nice.

Hello?

I want all the food.

I want food.

Okay.

What would you like?

Okay.

Okay?

Okay, what would you like?

Okay.

I want sweet-sauce chicken, okay?

I want chicken, okay?

Chicken, okay?

Chicken, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, okay.

And I want armpit hair vagina with sweet and chow mein, okay?

Yeah, okay.

I want my food.

I want armpit hair on top of chow mein, okay?

May I have your name, sir?

Huh?

May I have your name?

Yeah.

May I have your name, please?

Yeah.

Yeah, what?

May I have your name?

Yeah, what?

I'm trying to tell you my name.

You won't stop talking.

You need to stop talking if you want to hear my name.

My name is Wen Fu.

My name?

My name, Wen Fu.

You got my name?

Hello?

Lose them?

No, we lose them.

What?

Look, I'm not going to talk about it.

It's just something happened once.

Thank you for calling.

Who does me help you?

Ernie.

Horse.

Hello?

Horse.

Horses.

Hey, can I get some of that horse sauce, please?

Winnie.

Horses.

Ernie.

I want to get some wings.

What type of sauce do you got?

Horses.

Wings.

Ernie.

Where's he going?

You guys didn't let him answer.

He might have said something.

He wouldn't say nothing.

He was just chuckling.

Huh?

Horse?

Yeah.

Horse?

Horse.

Horses.

Sorry, I fucked that up.

Call him back and just do a horse sound.

Don't even say horse.

Pony.

I might have a horse sound effect.

Let's see.

Fabluka.

Pony.

Ask him if he knows what a pony grows up into.

to. It's a he-ox.

That's, uh, didn't

Jen Stewart do the prank calls with Pony?

And the guy's like, why do you keep saying your name?

Why do you keep saying Pony?

It's his bloody Tony business.

IG's back.

All right, Iggy.

Iggy.

Go wake your grandma up.

Ask her about horse. Just go in there and say horse.

See what she said.

I thought it'd be a good idea.

You don't think so?

Yeah, definitely ask old Ernie if he's got anything better to do

than to sit around and answer the damn phone.

All right.

Get a fucking life, Ernie.

Oh, boy.

All right, let's see here.

Horse.

Let me look for horse sound effects.

Let's see.

Horse's name.

I think that's what we're looking for.

Horse on the street?

What's that?

Maybe we'll do this.

I don't like that one.

It's gay.

All right, everybody.

Madhouse Radio Thanksgiving special.

2.34 in the morning Eastern Standard Time.

9, 12, 34, I think, in the West Coast.

In the West Coast.

West, West, y'all.

Someone's eating Doritos.

How do you know they're Doritos?

I think there's a chip.

Something.

I hear Doritos.

I think it's Doritos.

You're such an expert.

They're Lays.

Are you such an expert you know Doritos from Lays?

Or a pretzel?

Okay.

Okay, that's our T.S.O.E.

That's perfect, man.

That's the one.

Let's do it.

What you need to do is convince him.

Be like, what the hell is that I hear in the background?

Are you jerking a horse?

I knew it.

Should I keep eating?

What are you eating?

Are you eating Doritos?

No.

Okay.

I lose.

Should I keep eating?

So much for your expertise.

Thank you for calling Hooters Long.

Can we speak to you?

How may I help you?

Yes, hello.

There's a horse there.

What's that?

The horse.

I'm looking for my friend.

His name is Horse.

Can you ask him?

Horse.

Horse?

Yes.

We're feeding him in a trough, as you can hear, too.

Can you call for Horse, please?

Can you please have him...

Can you please have him page?

Ask for Horse.

10-4, that concho.

10-4, 10-4, on that concho.

We got 10-4.

Gentlemen, one moment.

Hello, who's this on the phone?

I can't hear you, over.

I can't understand a word you're saying, though.

Hooters.

Bunnies.

I wanted to go around the place.

Horse, hello.

Hello.

Your voice is a little hoarse.

I'm sorry, my voice is a little hoarse.

Of course.

That'd be funny, though.

She did ask for a horse.

Hello, anybody here knew a horse?

The area's like, oh, damn it.

That's sad.

Ernie, you see?

I knew you had a horse there.

I just heard him.

Ernie.

Don't do it.

Don't do this.

He's gone.

All right.

anyway um bruno shall we bruno vegas don't understand all right bruno vegas let's see here

no no seriously the the bruno paris it's called uh oh we have another jamaican grill this might

be the one from last year here let's see they gotta curse me i call me a nerd uh no fuck that

let's call bruno first bruno is at the hotel what was the name of the hotel i got a number here

supposedly is for Bruno. This is

his first and last name. Bruno

Elou. Hello.

Elou. Elou.

I'm going to be wrapping up the show here pretty soon

because I'm just about oof.

Oof.

You know?

I'm just about oof.

Carly just about to pass out in his own juices.

I am. I'm going to shit my shit and piss

right here in the chair.

It doesn't sound like

Brunel, you know? I don't know if that's him.

The Brunel. Unless he's got a roommate.

Or a boyfriend. He could have a boyfriend,

you know? That could be the case.

Um, the name of the hotel

was Napoleon. Let me see if I can find the hotel

Napoleon number here. I know

Lonesome sent it at some point.

Do-do-do-do-do.

You guys have any requests?

Alright, you guys, we're gonna wrap things up here.

I'm starting to get tired. Yeah, we're all

yawning. I know I am.

What? Hotel Napoleon.

Here we go. I'll be there. Hello?

Trying to call the horse guy again.

He doesn't want to even...

Robot time.

Tell him they have a delivery of a horse.

The horse guy doesn't even want to respond anymore.

He's just like...

He hangs up.

We'll have to call him next year.

Next year.

We'll wait a whole other year.

I talked about it for a whole...

Bonjour.

How are you?

Good.

How are you?

I'm a handsome American man.

How may I help you, sir?

Yes, I would like to speak to Bruno.

Bruno, does he work there?

Bruno? No, he's not at the hotel today.

When does he come in?

He's on vacation at the moment, so he will be back, I think, beginning December.

Oh, that's not good. He's going to be gone for a while?

Yeah.

Are you the lady I talked to before and I told you my wife was Cheval, Horace?

I remember that, yes.

Was that you?

You remember we had a thing, me and you, we talked and we had a thing?

I remember that you called one day, yeah.

And I said my wife was a horse, remember?

Yeah, I remember.

Yeah.

What did you think of that?

I don't know.

It was a little bit strange.

It was a little strange.

But I still think about you sometimes.

Oh, thank you.

Listen, that was a year ago today.

Oh, really?

Yes.

Already?

Now I have a horse of my own.

Okay.

And I want to show you my horse.

Goodbye.

No, don't go.

I thought it was her.

One year ago today.

That's badass.

Was it?

Not today, today.

Well, your Thanksgiving last year was.

Yeah?

I know what you did a year ago today.

She remembers that, too, though.

She remembers a guy called her exactly a year ago.

Not exactly.

She made an impression on her life that she'll always remember.

She'll always remember.

That guy that said his wife is the worst.

He feels good to make a mark in her life.

She'll remember this forever.

So was that just a year ago?

If it was like two or three?

No, it was last Thanksgiving.

I called her and said that

Milkman apparently wants to call in

Let's call him back

Oh he wants to call in now

He didn't want to call in before

I gotta go

I'm too busy to call on the phone

I'm a milkman

I'm a fag

Now he's beeping

Milkman

Everyone say hi to Milkman

Milkman beeping

Bye Milkman

Eh.

Give him a few minutes.

Give him a call back again.

All right.

You need to call that chick back and just play the horse.

All right, let's do it.

I can do that.

Whatever you say, boss player.

Hope you're all enjoying the show.

I'm doing the best I can.

Can I meet Lieutenant Napoleon?

Yes, hello.

I would like to make a reservation.

Yes, just a second.

Oh, why did I say that?

No, no, no.

We'll call it back.

Hang on.

Oh, God.

Speak American, for God's sake.

Bonjour, how are you?

This is Mr. Horse, how are you?

Sorry?

This is Mr. Horse.

Yes?

I am a horse.

Wow, I guess he knows what a horse is.

Whatever, didn't go far.

Okay, I wish I wouldn't have messed up when I talked to her last.

Carlito, the video feed is not working.

Milkman, really, it's not?

Carlito wasn't drunk enough this year.

year i don't know i was way drunker than it was last year this year so far the person you tried

to reach isn't available in french okay thanks klaus um yeah um the video feed stopped working

is that correct it probably timed out it only lets me broadcast up to four hours at a time

yes this is recording still let me see video turn it on oh no video well that's not good

well you're listening at least right having fun okay anyway so guys uh any suggestions here like

Like I said, I'm wrapping things up here pretty soon.

Wake up home.

Black Friday.

Call up a store and, uh...

Haven't changed the prices.

Oh, okay.

See if Toys R Us is still open.

This is in Colorado.

Tell them someone trampled all over your new shoes.

Play, play a corporate, man.

Someone mistook my new shoes.

Motherfucker.

Uh, before that, we'll call them.

Someone stepped over my kicks trying to get to a PSP.

Please enjoy the following music while your party is being read.

Do people even buy PSPs anymore?

more isn't there a new psb that's not in america yet there's a new one right it's like the new

nintendo dsg hey milkman you guys done yet no we're still here ted uh me can talk who else

the ig austin and my man of milk milk of man thank you for calling boys are us we are open

today from midnight until 10 p.m for exciting employment opportunity your call is important

God, they're open from midnight to 10 p.m.

Shit.

Are people really there at 4 o'clock in the morning?

Can't they just close at...

Shit.

Ridiculous.

Hell no.

69, listen...

Hi, yes, I'm calling about the horse.

The horse?

Yes, I'd like a horse.

You called earlier, and you were talking kind of weird.

Yeah, but I was wondering, do you still have a horse there?

I don't know.

I don't think so.

Can you check?

You have three of them.

Yeah, the last time I checked, we did have three of them.

I'll double check.

Hold on.

Okay.

The horse has realistic genital features.

You sick son of a bitch.

I'm going to have to mute myself.

Yeah, the video is cutting in and out.

That means it's not going to record right.

That sucks.

I won't be able to add it to the video feed.

Oh, well.

We'll get the podcast audio.

Does the horse have genuine horse ejaculate in it?

Does it come with refills?

Refills?

These are important questions.

The firing lines want to know.

I'm from the Better Business Bureau.

I want to know I'm not being cheated.

I think this is the same song from the last time we called this lady.

I think she's really checking.

I mean, I did say I was going to jerk off a horse last time.

Or jerk off on the horse.

I say she's probably getting the cops from out front again.

Yeah, that's right.

She did say that.

This is Peter.

How may I help you?

I was calling about the horse.

What horse was that?

It was a big horse that you got there for sale.

We have a number of them.

Did you want just the rocking, or did you want the...

The big, pretty horse in the box.

That you needed, sir.

I want to know if you have the horse.

I want to come get it.

I'm going to buy it.

I'm going to purchase it.

I need to confirm the price, and I'm going to use it for 15 minutes,

and I'm going to bring it back.

For what reason?

To touch the horse.

I can bring it back if I don't like it after 15 minutes, right?

You've seen everything.

Right now, I'm going to have to see if I can get someone to put you on hold.

No way.

If I can get someone to check, because I don't have a lot of people that can check on that.

Listen, listen, listen.

But the policy on the horse, if I get something there, let's say I take it out.

As long as it's not used or it has to be returned in cellulose shape.

What do you mean by used?

In other words, it's not dirty or anything of that nature, broken or anything.

What do you mean by dirty?

What is it that you're not understanding?

If it's dirty or stained, anything like that would not be at that point.

What if it's a clear liquid?

What if it's not necessarily a stain?

As long as it's in the same condition that it was purchased and you have a receipt, it shouldn't be a problem.

Well, let's say I ride the horse.

Okay, I'm going to turn it over to the manager, sir, because I'm not sure what is your number.

Listen, here's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to get the horse, right?

I'm going to buy the horse from you.

I'm going to take it outside next to my car in the back of the parking lot.

I'm going to take the horse out of the box, and then I'm going to play with the horse.

Then I'm going to put it back inside the box and bring it back inside.

I think he's gone.

I didn't think he was gone.

I can't believe he talked to you that way.

I wouldn't let him talk to me like that.

What don't you get?

What do you mean, what don't I get?

What don't I get?

Talk about what you don't get.

Pussy.

You don't get horse pussy.

Oh, I get it.

Believe me.

This is Don.

May I help you?

Yeah, is this the manager, woman?

Yes, what can I help you with?

Hi, woman.

I'm calling about the horse.

About the horse.

What are you talking about?

Yes, woman.

I'm going to get the horse, and I was asking about the policy.

I just need the horse for 15 minutes, and then I bring it back.

I want to make sure I have no idea what you're talking about you have a horse there a very pretty

horse in a box okay then I'm going to get the horse and buy the horse and then I'm going to

go to the parking lot and use the horse for about 10-15 minutes and then I'm bringing it back and

then you get the money back what's the problem here people oh yeah she caught right on why

they got hate on bestiality this sick bastard is gonna sodomize this horse and then bring it back

to us. That was fucking good.

Not a good.

This happened once before.

I'm sure it's the talk of the store right now.

They're like, you won't believe what I just fucking had to listen to.

Some guy had to turn it in.

What's the fuck a horse?

You know that guy's talking about...

Thank you for calling Toys R Us.

We are open today from midnight

until 10.

Your call is important to us.

Please hold.

How can I help you?

Oh, the horse.

Horse.

Can you stop calling?

No.

Call back and ask the speaker or manager because she just hung up on you.

Someone else take this.

Start this off and then go on the horse.

You can do this.

Thank you for calling Toys R Us.

We are open today from midnight.

Oh, shit.

Your call is important to us.

Please hold.

Anyone taking this?

I got it.

I'll get it.

It's up to you guys.

I'll take it.

I got an idea.

You get the next one.

It's the song from Cars.

Hey, after this, you should get me hooked up on a Best Buy line.

I got something good for Best Buy.

Oh, Best Buy.

Now you're drinking.

Pepsi.

You're going to pee the bed.

Yeah.

So that's your grandma to clean it up.

You calling Toy Dress?

Hi, I was wondering if you saw a toy in stock.

What toy?

I'm not sure.

It's not for me.

It's for my cousin, but he said something about a horse or...

I got something.

Call her back.

I got something to go round about with her.

All right.

Something about a horse.

Is somebody legit?

Are they going to build it up?

Is somebody actually...

Horse something?

Thank you for calling.

Yeah, when somebody actually calls for a horse and like...

Your call is important to us.

Please hold.

They're going to be watching for people to buy the horse now.

Aurora, Toys R Us, this is Dawn. May I help you?

Hi, Dawn. I'm taking a look here.

I'm trying to see if you have any more Nintendo Wii's.

Okay, um, it could be just a minute, so hang on just a second, okay?

Alright, thank you.

I'm going to ask her about the Wii, and I'm going to ask her if she has My Little Pony.

Ask her if she has any horse games.

Yes, yes.

Do you have a horse game?

Do you have any games where I could ride a horse?

Do you have Wii horse?

Do you have any games where you could ride a horse?

Do you have any games where I could take the horse behind Toys R Us?

15 minutes, that's all I need.

That's fair.

If you're just going to use your 15 minutes, you should let her bring it back.

how do they know just don't want to just ride the horse a little bit have fun with him bring it back

no i'm gonna do nothing dirty because the grown man they're the ones with the dirty minds

because the grown man wanted to play with a horse toy in the parking lot it's weird yeah

and then bring it back

to her credit

credit though

She didn't make that connection

The first one didn't until the end

The one girl

This is the manager I think we're talking to now

I started off by saying God bless you

I'd be pissed off for having to be waiting so long

Well it's Christmas now

Gotta help us

It is Toys R Us and Christmas

mh4td is sending a prank call

that I probably won't be able to get to

I've got the hiccups really bad

been drinking way too much tonight

today and all day

hey hey hey

check if you got a weed or not

she said it'd be a minute

it's been longer

yeah she kinda just said oh it's gonna take a while

basically

gotta go to the weed department

better go to the department where the weeds are

hello

did you say you had a weed

Hello? Okay, how can I help you?

I can't hear you. You're breaking up really bad.

Hello, ma'am. Do you have any wheeze?

Oh, guys, what happened? You had it.

I'm sorry about that.

Do you have any wheeze there, ma'am?

She's gone. I'm talking to you.

Oh, what happened to the guy?

She couldn't hear you.

I couldn't hear you, dude, so I just took over.

You're breaking up, so I just thought I'd save you.

I'm going to try this again.

Thank you for calling Toys R Us.

We are open to data.

Your call is important to us.

Hang on, I'll get her real quick.

Control address, ladies speaking, how can I help you?

Alright, I just got disconnected.

Did you say you had some Wii's left?

How many?

What?

Just one.

Did you have one Wii left?

One what?

Nintendo Wii.

Nintendo Wii?

Yes.

Nintendo Wii.

Like the game console?

It's an original Nintendo Wii.

Right.

That's all I'm looking for.

Yeah.

Alright, let me double check.

Hold on.

With a saddle.

What the hell was she checking on the first time?

Double check.

Jesus.

We need a Nintendo Wii with a saddle controller.

controller virtual we virtual horse there's an arcade game out there at um it's a horse racing

arcade game where you raise the horse you buy the horse and you raise them you feed them apple

this is a sega game i like it it's fun game oh no it's a three o'clock yeah network backup

starting i gotta cancel it oh is that why it's all leggy might have i i just well should have

just started this second hang on let me kill it wiki wiki it might not i don't think i have any

new files for the backup it's just going through them it's not finding anything i don't think i

downloaded anything in the last 24 hours access violation okay good whatever just crashed i gotta

make some changes to that vpn connection to my parents house anyway i gotta get on the remote

connection one of these days and fix it it's acting weird it's wonky dude are they that busy

Wait a little while.

Fuckin' A.

Payout.

See if we can nail it.

She's a...

The same music playing in the store.

If I had to listen to this for eight hours, I'd shoot this.

All right, we have one.

Just one?

Okay.

And I don't...

Yes, I don't need you to go check, but you usually have those sport packs, right, for

the Wii?

Well, I just walked all the way over there because it's very busy because I couldn't

get any radio signal, but, I mean, I don't know about the whole...

It's something you would normally carry, right?

Yeah.

Because I was taking a look, and I saw this on your website.

There was this game called My Little Pony, and I went and bought these assless chaps,

and I wanted to get this rocking horse so I could play the game.

You know, kind of when I'm doing the horse, it kind of interacts with the game.

Is this the same guy that's calling about the horse?

Not the last time I checked.

Okay, so...

Well, basically what I'm going to do is get that rocking horse also

and just cut a little hole in the back end, you know, just kind of rock with it.

I think that would be an awesome addition to the game.

I'll hold.

Did you put me back on hold?

Oh, God, she's pissed.

Dude she just walked all the way across

For nothing

God damn it

At least she doesn't have to deal

With the customers

Yeah but you know it's crazy

You know it's super packed

And she just fucking hauled the ass to that store

And like 15 people

Asked her questions on the way

She finds out I'm just around the corner

Coming into the store

Tell her you're in the parking lot

I don't want to go away.

Oh, my God.

Tell her you wanted to check before you came in the store from the parking lot.

It's too busy, man.

I think she's going to keep you on hold.

I don't think they're going to answer.

I don't think.

Yeah, she's going to drop hold here.

She's got to go to the other end of the store again.

Oh, is she going to go check?

Is that what she said?

Yeah, for the sports pack.

I know she's checking again.

She didn't catch the whole assless chat.

she didn't ask

is this the horse guy again

no

which comes back

you should ask her if she has the extra

pony the horse on the side

the wee horse

the horse out in front of most of the grocery stores

that you get to ride on for a one penny

RBCP sharing

He had been asking me

Tell me all day

Do a show tonight

He wanted me to call Third World Countries

And brag about how full I was

Because I ate so much for Thanksgiving

I didn't get to that

I don't know

Tell me about it

I never got to that

But he posted the same thing on Facebook

And somebody got upset apparently

Mr. David Scott

I don't see anybody in there

Where's everybody at

everybody's in there what chat room are you in a gay one here cokin he's in there cokin he's in

there he's opt are you in the old pcu chat what the hell is nunu i think you're in the old pcu

chat nunu's uh nunu went to bed by now oh there's milkman i'll help you milkman hang on

i don't know why cole plays are one of my guilty pleasures i'm a big fan

their new album is pretty good who's playing coke play anyway where's this coming from that's on

on the Toys R Us

that's playing

on the home.

Oh,

jeez.

That was a good

interview with

Chris Martin.

Is it Chris Martin?

His interview?

There's Coconut,

yeah.

Cool.

I have

breaking news.

I just got an email.

Breaking news?

Yes.

What's going on?

Google Wave

sunsetting in 2012.

More than a year

ago,

we announced

that Google Wave

will no longer

be developed

as a separate product.

At the time,

we committed

to maintaining the site

at least through the end of

2010. Today, we are

sharing the specific dates

for ending this maintenance period

and shutting down WAVE.

That was like two days ago that I got announced.

Uh, well,

it was like the week

after it came out, everyone stopped using it.

So it was a double-edged

I didn't get it. I was like, what's the difference

between this and Gmail? I didn't understand.

But okay, man. It was something

think that no one's everyone stopped using it i know i've got a feeling google plus is going to

be the same thing but um yeah i got upset you know i was looking at that they canceled a few

things google did and then um i i i um i looked that up and then out of nowhere i noticed there

was uh back in september google had a first round of things they canceled and google desktop

got canceled back in september i didn't even know about that what was the google desktop good i use

use it every day i use it on like multiple times a day google is it like kind of like is it what

good like google docs or something well no no google desktop it's a it's a desk desktop search

basically it it uh it uh it's like the google browser not the browser but the google you know

crawler for your computer so it all your files on your computer and your network it category it

It basically categorizes them.

So you can go to a – I mean, I can hit the control key twice on my keyboard,

and it comes up with a Google search, and I can put in Madhouse October 24th,

and it will come up with every result on my computer for the files like that that I've got saved.

Dude, doesn't that make your PC lag, man?

Doesn't that make your computer lag?

Not really.

It always made mine lag.

No, and I never noticed it, no.

It never really did.

Every time I reinstall it, dude, it lags the computer so bad,

I just don't install it no more.

No, no, it's on my laptop and on my server,

and I use the thing so much, you have no idea.

And I had no idea they discontinued it, so it still works,

but you can't install it off their website anymore.

But luckily I have an old download of it, the last version of it.

I had it saved.

Desktop search?

Desktop search, yeah.

probably time they discontinued that yeah i didn't even know oh well i was just amazed that

this is something that when wave was big yeah wave when wave came out everyone's like oh google wave

and i remember asking people so what do i want an invite for what does it do oh well it's like

gmail but it's uh yeah i'm like okay exactly well you can collaborate i'm like so it's like

sending an email yeah but it's in real time like oh okay all right real time whatever i was like

okay so i i hope google plus doesn't go that way google plus seems to have some legs but

google plus will be facebook in like two two years you think so yeah yeah people get tired

to Facebook.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everyone's already...

Whenever anybody says,

you know,

whenever anybody says

that Facebook

will never go away,

I'm like,

they said the same thing

about MySpace.

MySpace was the king.

MySpace would never go away.

And all of a sudden,

you looked

and MySpace was like,

it was nothing

but 10-year-olds on there,

15-year-olds,

no offense,

IG69.

And then the next thing,

you know,

no one cared about it anymore.

That's what happened.

Now it's just spam.

I don't even know.

There's a Madhouse

MySpace page.

I don't even know why it goes on on there

I don't even know I got a few pranks on there

Can we call that Toys R Us back one more time

Yes

I just want to ask one question

Carlito just start playing the horse down in the background

While he's trying to ask a question

You got it see if she catches on

Yeah buddy

She's got a brain on her this one

When we're talking to her

Is this the horse guy again

She probably quit

All you got to say is

All you gotta say is,

No, I don't think I'm the horse guy.

And she'll fucking believe you.

No.

Until you're over.

No.

Toys R Us.

We are open today from midnight until your call is important to us.

Ask them if they sell hay for your fucking horse.

Toy hay.

I'm really dead.

It's true.

I'm really dead.

Is this the song you play backwards and it says he's dead?

Yeah, of course.

I knew there was a song. I didn't know it was this one.

It's every song.

It's every song, apparently.

And I've seen the whole thing.

The real McCartney

died in a car accident.

That really happened, I know.

The Winged Beetle.

Go to YouTube and find a movie

called The Winged Beetle.

There was someone in the chatroom named Fartborner.

Cool.

Is it? Sounds like it.

Far away. Nah, it's California.

I want to know why they make Jerry the Draft dance around and sing that shitty Toys R Us song.

Make him look like a fucking clown.

Do they even do that anymore?

I don't watch many commercials anymore these days.

I got the DVR.

I just fast forward through all that shit.

Tell them you're from PETA and that's some bullshit.

You made her quit, Ken.

They're not answering.

You made her quit.

She's gone.

No one's answering the phone here anymore.

Rip the fucking phone out of the wall.

Hello?

Okay, I'm not a fan.

Oh, Milkman's fat?

Milkman's being weird.

When did that happen?

I fucking can't nip again.

Milkman's talking to a horse.

Milkman's lost it, dude.

Milkman's lost it.

Milkman's lost it, finally.

You know originally what happened, right?

Yeah.

Milkman.

Oh, Milkman.

That means it's way too late.

Skip those pills again.

time for a

we're gonna have

a good old nap

hello she she

everybody

she came in

to say hi

okay

hello she she

okay crazy

hey carlio

did you see how

pita was protesting

the new mario game

about him wearing

the raccoon skin

and bullshit

what

really

oh yeah

they said that

mario's promoting

wearing furs

and stuff

cause you know

he grabs that leaf

and he gets the

raccoon skin

oh for god's sake

get out of here

really

oh no

i'm telling you

true story

oh man

man you gotta be kidding me god when does it end mario can't wear a raccoon tail anymore a lot of

people posted on there that's why peter doesn't get taken seriously for shit like this yeah i

don't think they're answering anymore gentlemen i think we're gonna just gonna call wait can i

call the the hooters where ernie is yep sure sweet you got it bro little number get you some

booby tassels being on a military base can't they have some uh real repercussions though what do you

you mean? Well, if they're on a military

base, if they know some buddies, they can

probably track you down. Cross your proxy.

Nah. Nah?

Nah. It's Skype.

Skype's free. Skype's safe.

No one can try Skype.

It's impossible. It's impossible.

We're safe. Even though

Slava did it. This is Microsoft Skype.

Keeper calling. Can you speak to me?

How may I help you? Hi, can I speak

to Ernie, please? May I ask who's calling?

This is Royden. Who?

Who?

Roydon.

R-O-Y-D-O-N.

Roydon, one moment.

Thank you.

For holding an album.

Hi, is this Ernie?

It is.

I was wondering, can I put skinny jeans on a horse?

He's saying cactus.

Can I put skinny jeans on a horse, please?

Yeah, he's saying cactus, and it's supposed to be, you know, a thing.

There's a horse in there wearing skinny jeans, and he zipped down its fly.

Is the horse wearing skinny jeans

And something about his fly

Zip down his fly and touch him

Yeah you were zipping his fly down

Can I have the horse clam chowder

He's gone

There he goes

He came back and he left again

Alright good deal

Horse everybody horse

Makes no sense but you know

We have fun with horse all the time

Successful

Plenty of numbers

That we can get to here

We spent the last 20 minutes

As though calling the same Toys R Us

The lady who won't answer the phone anymore

At this point because we bothered her so much

After we made her walk across the store twice

To the video game section

It's going to feel pretty bad tomorrow

If we turn on the news and found out

That some girl at a Toys R Us

Sprayed a bunch of Black Friday shoppers

She went fucking crazy

Blew up the store

She said no more horses

Who wanted the best bite

God fucking put out a bunch of people's eyes

Does someone want a Best Buy here?

Someone asked for a Best Buy?

Yeah, I wanted a Best Buy.

All right, you got it.

You got a Best Buy.

Thank you, sir.

You want a Best Buy, you got a Best Buy.

You can thank Lonesome.

Don't thank me.

You got it.

Talk to Geek Squad pretending to be from Jock Squad.

Jock Squad.

Just kind of start recognizing when you're beating a dead horse.

Thank you for calling Best Buy in Willowbrook, home of the Geek Squad.

You have pressed an invalid key.

Please try again.

Invalid?

Press 1.

Illegal.

Press 2.

Our store hours are Monday through Wednesday, 9 a.m. to 10 a.m.

Tell me when I'll put a Michael Bolton CD on and fucking return it for you.

For directions, press 2.

To speak to a sales associate, press 3.

For pricing and availability, your call is very important to us.

All sales associates at this location are currently assisting other customers over the phone.

There are two customers ahead of you.

Shit.

I killed it.

All right.

Jesus, dude.

I love that.

Free Kevin.

What?

Thank you for calling Best Buy in Willowbrook, home of the Geek Squad.

I'm sorry, Free Kevin or Free Heaven?

On Friday, November 26th, we will be open and invite you to the...

Yes, as we know, it's Free Kevin.

Can we call the Hummer Hotel?

For store hours, that's one.

For directions, for pricing and availability, your call is very important to us.

All sales associates at this location are currently assisting other customers over the phone.

There are two customers ahead of you.

Bye.

Do we got Kevin locked up somewhere?

I don't know.

I think he's saying freak heaven.

Too long of a wait there at that best buy.

I got it.

Sorry, guys.

Where is it?

Well, we started out third in line, and all of a sudden, I was like, we're going to try a different place.

Yeah.

It doesn't sound like there's a burning in here.

It's a geek squad either.

Let's call Extreme Irony back.

He called in and kept saying, free Kevin.

This tastes like burning.

But who has Kevin?

I think he's saying, free Kevin.

Are you saying, free Kevin or free Kevin?

Does somebody here have Kevin?

He's typing his response.

Free Kevin.

Heaven for freaks.

Is Kevin free?

I cannot speak.

I am sick for Thanksgiving.

It's fantastic.

Nice.

This is Anonymous.

Can you keep typing

I want to die over and over again and say that?

Yeah.

This is Anonymous. Please free Kevin.

You have Kevin.

I want to die.

Kevin is free.

Please. Extreme irony.

We will take down Facebook.

Again.

Bye Anonymous.

I don't know.

Some guy extreme irony calls in.

Free Kevin.

Apparently.

I think that's a show

I think we've done our job here

It's 3.30 in the morning where I live

Can we call Charlie really quick

Charlie now

I thought you wanted to call Home Hotel

What happened

Or Charlie I don't know

We'll call both

Home Hotel first

I know there's a lot of numbers we didn't get to tonight

But there's a lot of them that we did tonight

We had a lot of people wanting to call

And be called so to say

If I can find

Here we go. Tehran, Homa Hotel. Here we go. All right.

Hey!

Hello, this is Homa Hotel. Please hold the line to process your calls.

Calling the operator. Please wait a minute.

Hi, who am I speaking to?

Hello?

Who am I speaking to?

Hello?

Hi, I'm calling from Israel.

You know, in Israel, we're going to bomb you soon, right?

You're calling from the U.S.?

No, I'm calling from Israel.

Okay, how can I help you?

I almost want to say that us Israelis are superior because of Judaism and Islam is false.

You know that, right?

Sir, please speak.

Mohammed Atta is gay.

He sucks the...

Israel will bomb Iran soon.

We'll all be dead.

The scum will be wiped from the earth.

The line has no...

Listen, we're saying Israel's superior to you, okay?

Okay, you understand, you stupid Iranian?

We're from Israel.

We're going to bomb you.

Yeah.

Yes, yes, yes.

I understand.

You're stupid.

Persian's stupid on the floor.

I hit you with my shoe.

No.

Yes.

You kiss the shoes?

I saw your mother's hair.

Kiss my shoes.

Your mother was showing us her hair.

Holy anal cake, Batman.

Down with...

Your mother is a whore, Mr.

Yeah?

Your mother is a whore, Mr.

What?

Your sister's a whore.

You're just heading into a monkey.

Keith. I dare you to talk about my mom as a

porn star. Oh, a porn

star. Not a very good one, though.

That's illegal in Iran. You're not allowed

to talk like that over the phone, sir.

You should even...

Hey, you keep talking, I'm going to grab you by

your mustache and I'm going to fuck your mouth.

We're going to call Ahmadinejad on you, you big lip

big lip, big nose

bastard. No, I'm not going to

fuck your ass, I'm going to fuck your mouth.

I'm going to grab you by your mustache

and I'm going to fuck your mouth. That's what's going to happen.

God likes

He likes Israel better than I do.

You know, you are a professional cocksucker, yeah?

What?

Professional cocksucker.

You're not gonna kiss my ass, yeah?

Just kiss my ass.

I will fuck you.

Fuck your mother.

You're gay.

No, no, no. I'm gonna fuck your mother.

Then I'm gonna fuck you in the ear. How's that sound?

You are a professional homeboy.

Even better, I'm going to go ahead and fuck your mom in the ass,

and I'm going to put it in your mouth.

How's that sound?

Praise Israel.

Down with Iran.

Praise Israel.

Praise God.

He left.

All right, guys.

That was fun.

We got our shots in in Iran in our own way.

Did our patriotic duty.

And that's the end of the show.

I'd like to thank everyone for being on.

Thank you, guys.

It's over.

Thank you, IG-69.

God bless America.

There we go.

Happy Thanksgiving.

God bless America.

Happy holidays.

God bless America.

Tea bag America.

America.

All right.

Yep.

I'll sign you off individually here, starting with IG-69.

Good night, sir.

Behave.

Minister Grandma.

Thank you.

He's gone.

All right, good.

Ted Webb.

It's been fun.

Thank you, sir.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Thank you, sir.

Control a good night.

Goodbye.

Austin Bauer.

Bye.

Adios, amigo.

Goodbye, sir.

See you later.

That was awesome.

Who else we got here?

Ken.

Big Ken.

Thank you for being on.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Don't fuck any horses.

I'll try not to.

I'll control myself.

All right.

And Tucker Mike.

HiBellies.com.

Thank you, sir.

Thanks for being on.

Good night.

Kisses.

And Milkman.

There you are.

last but not least last but greatest milkman say something milkman milk monkey how are you

we're done we're out of here thanks to everyone who uh everyone who sent the numbers all right

milkman i'll be honest with you i don't usually have you sign up but i gotta take a massive shit

it's really bad like i think i'm gonna shit my pants here i can't hear you what you say

i gotta take a shit really bad and i'm not kidding okay all right dude later love you

milkman talk to you later man all right i'm gonna i'm gonna close the show take a shit

and then i'll call you all right for tuning in tonight this is the madhouse radio uh thanks to

lonesome loser for sending in numbers uk ted was on the show also earlier and he sent the numbers

also everyone else who sent in numbers we had a bunch of people who just their names were just

letters and we thank you all all the victims that we prank called tonight thank you all in all we

had a good time i did a lot of drinking i don't know about you guys but i drank the majority of

this bottle of tangeray during the whole show down the whole bottle of tonic water while i was

at it. And half a bottle of

Pepsi Max. So yeah,

might be why I have to take a mask or shit.

We had fun. Alright folks, literally,

seriously, I really gotta take a poop.

So I'm going to sign off here shortly.

I don't know what's going to happen

next week with the show.

Hopefully I will be able to do the show.

If not, then it'll be two weeks from now.

If for some reason I can't do the show

next week, then I will try to

gather the Madhouse

backup squad. And if not, you know

what happened. I'll be back. I'll keep you guys

as informed i'll still be able to post in the forums and facebook and all that i'll have my

phone around but we're thinking positive we're thinking nothing's gonna happen we're gonna be

just fine i mean no worries no problems no complications all right right happy

thanksgiving happy holidays we'll be back next week yeah

Return of the Horse – Thanksgiving 2011

Calls (62, 2 h 21 min of 5 h 3 min)

Transcript

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