The Aberdeen Wind Advisory Administration

Can we negotiate a seven here?

And what about a horse?

No, we can't.

Horse.

Horse!

You are just looking for a dick to suck.

Just come on over and I'll give it to you.

Boy, you are such a coward.

Why would you...

I'll be your mother, your sister, your wife, if you have one.

And I'll fuck them all.

I only have ponies here.

Obviously, you cannot fuck nobody.

So, why don't you bring them over and I'll fuck them for you.

You honestly need to get some help and perhaps speak to the policeman.

Thank you.

I think that's the best way to do it.

Who the fuck is this?

The fucker, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

The motherfucker!

Good evening, everybody. Sorry for the wait.

Sorry for the lack of applause.

Just imagine people clapping.

There you go.

The least applause when you got Milkman's bad lungs.

Hey, everybody. Here we go.

Sorry for the wait.

Weird tapping noise was coming through and I was ready to start it.

And right when I was ready to kick the show off,

a weird tap-a-tap-a-tap was going on.

I had to back stuff all the way back and bring it back on.

We're good, though.

Yeah, somebody was fapping your line, man.

Fapping my line, Jen.

Fapping the line.

You're fapping.

Fapping it.

Good evening, everybody.

Madhouse Radio for December something.

December the 8th?

What is it, like the 15th?

No.

Okay, the 8th.

I'm shit.

I don't know.

December 8th?

No, the 9th.

You're 9th.

It's 9 for you.

December 8th here.

I know.

In the east.

You're fucking.

In the west hemisphere.

Good evening, everybody.

We'll be doing prank calls tonight.

uh with me here tonight as always first and foremost a man himself milkman

it's so good to hear your melodious tones there i'm glad that you're feeling a lot better man we

certainly miss you my brother in the air for you and we're so happy that you're back man we love

theater melodious thank you i like the sound of that all right thank you milkman jane stewart

also here checking in from the UK he's

unlimited time as usual

cut on the Jen Stewart

time for you guys sorry

but he's here

well not anymore

somebody hijacked the domain

so I don't have it anymore

now it's youtube.com

slash Jago123

or something I don't know

youtube.com

you got one you doing the youtube

thing good yeah yeah I'm gonna start doing

the youtube thing

Do it, you bastard.

All right.

I am wearing sunglasses because I do have the light on.

I might take them off a little later, but they do help out a little bit with the eye pains.

Hey, if you have the captain's hat, man, put that sucker on, man.

That all never fails.

Later, when we start the pranks.

We're not doing pranks yet.

I can't put on the captain's hat.

Let's act a little.

All right.

We've got to get into them quickly before we lose Jim.

But, yeah, I had the eye surgery last week.

That's, well, yeah, last week.

Two Mondays ago.

That's why I couldn't do the show last week

The worst case scenario we all talked about

Well, the worst case would be I'd be blind permanently

Which almost happened, but didn't

But my retina did detach

And I ended up

I was facing down

Up until the weekend

Thank you, Jesus

That's true

Well, yeah, you know

And what happened?

You had a bubble in your eye, right?

I have oil in my eye

I have silicon oil right now in my eye

What happened to the bubble?

The bubble dissipated

there was also a bubble of gas in there

and that dissipated

that was what was really disturbing

when you said somebody's going to put a bubble in my eye

they're going to inject a bubble

into my eye, that was fucked up

well no, the whole procedure's pretty fucked up

they put me to sleep

they put a hole in my eye

they drained all that gel

the jelly that's in there

then he scraped the back of my eye

all the scar tissue was back there

he couldn't find the retina

he went in there and he said he could not

he said it was one of the worst

uh eyes he had ever seen the nurse that did the surgery with him said it was the worst in 30 years

of eye surgeries it was the worst case he had ever seen that's so bad my right eye wow now i

had the same surgery in the left eye and it was wasn't that bad i was able to not even have to

you know do the laying down face down for a week but uh this one there went in he thought he was

gonna he thought i lost my vision he didn't uh he had a i don't know if you've ever seen the show

lost but in the show lost uh jack uh he talks about a moment where um he had a panic moment

during the surgery where he had to give himself five seconds and breathe uh you know before he uh

he was doing back surgery spinal surgery on a young patient he was a teenager i think it was

gonna go paralyzed because he made a mistake and he panicked for five seconds and he let himself

take it blah blah but then he came through he he reiterated it was kind of like a moment like that

when he saw the eye, but he was able to

save it. He got it fixed. Instead of just

putting salt water in there, he had to put

silicon oil. So I have a right

eye full of oil right now. Can you

see through it or not? Not yet.

I will be able to see through it. That's why they use

silicon oil, because silicon oil

it's what they use in, you know, breast

implants, but it's in the oil form.

It's not hard. I was going to say they use silicon

for sex toys, don't they? And

fake breasts. That's right.

That's very good. Yeah. You should know.

Hey, mama, you remember that boob you had, man?

You know, that right there?

You could always use that in the meantime until you get completely up to speed.

Yep, I know.

If I run into trouble, I've got that as a backup.

I'll put that right in my eye socket.

Every once in a while.

That thing's leaking, though.

Yeah, but.

You've got the greatest strength of humor.

God loves you, man.

You've got to do what can you do.

All right, so the good and the bad.

The good is, you know, the silicon, he had to use that because it's clear.

Well, rather, to keep the retina in place, it was so bad that he can't just put the normal saline salt water like I had when I had the same thing on my left eye.

It's higher in viscosity and more dense then.

Yeah, to keep it in there, but the trade-off being it's not as clear as the salt water.

And the salt water on my left eye is slowly being replaced by my body with the natural gel that your body uses in your eye.

Yeah, the vitreous fluid that looks in your eyeball normally.

normally exactly that's that's solar but silicon oil just stays in there it can't dissipate into

the body the body won't replenish it because it it thinks it's full so uh so the the good thing

is well it does a better job than the salt water my retina doesn't detach the bad thing is it's not

as clear as um you know the natural stuff or the salt water so um i'll be able to see through but

not as well as i would like to uh in six to nine months after things all heal up we'll make a

decision if i will have surgery again to take the oil out and replace it with water or if we'll just

leave it like that and i'll just have a dumb eye i don't know we'll see that's horrible hey the

worst part i'm telling you the worst part of even worse than the surgery even worse than the eye

injection that i got five well hold on even worse than the doctor telling you this is one of the

worst he's ever seen yes even that because i was out for that was his problem not mine as far as i

he got paid for that the worst part of all this was me having to spend six days five six days

laying down face down and it wasn't that i was bored or that i was being a pussy it was my neck

and my shoulders and the base of my head hurt so fucking much like i didn't go in expecting that

like you you think i'll just lay down all day facing down no big deal but to to have gravity

pulling down the wrong way on you

really takes a hit on you, man.

And it's just the immense amount of neck pain

that I was in.

What does that mean?

I mean, you couldn't move your head at all?

No, well, once a day for dinner,

I was allowed, you know,

they said they wanted preferably 100% compliance.

They expected 90% compliance.

How can you do that?

I mean, how do you go to the toilet?

How do you, you know, do things?

get up when i stand up um i would just keep my head down like i'm looking down the whole time

nose to china and when i sat down nose to china and and take a shit and uh yeah well you know

but there's one good thing about it is that you know i bet you're you know athena probably

enjoyed it when you went down on her man because like dude you like i wasn't even thinking about

out that i was yeah i couldn't even well you know pj is good for the eyes you know i guess

yeah tj um okay thank you milkman you made me laugh i appreciate that that's my job but um

yeah no if for so for dinner time i could you know bring my head up i'd bring my head up and

stuff but you learned uh thank god for android my android phone and netflix um man got me through i

I saw every Star Trek movie.

I saw, let's see, I'm just about done with the entire series of Deep Space Nine.

I saw a bunch of documentaries.

I saw all of the animated Star Trek series from when I was a kid.

It's before my time, but they used to play on Nickelodeon in the 80s on reruns.

I had a good time.

Good time watching it.

My Android phone got me through surfing the web and a lot of podcasts.

I watched all my tech podcasts every day, my Twit podcast every day.

Listened to Joe Rogan, Artie Lang's sports podcast, his new show.

Listened to that.

Listened to Stern on Howard on Sirius.

I had to find everything I could do.

I started watching Breaking Bad.

I must say, Milkman, you need to check out that show Breaking Bad, man.

Okay.

I've heard about that.

Yeah.

Hey, before I forget, man, I ought to tell you, man, I got a Hulu Plus account, man.

I'll give you my login, dude, so you can watch it, because I hardly ever watch it, but I still have the account.

Oh, yeah.

Well, that's cool.

I'll put that on my PlayStation 3, and I got something to talk about that in a second.

But if you want, you can use my Netflix, man, and you can watch Breaking Bad and Battlestar Galactica.

I think Dirty Aaron's mentioned that.

I didn't catch up.

I saw the first two seasons of Battlestar Galactica.

I looked for Battlestar Galactica on there, and they didn't have the new one on there.

They had the old one, which I've seen all those a long time ago.

The 70s one.

Yeah.

And they had another version I didn't even know about from the 80s.

Yeah.

I didn't even know about that one.

And then there was the final one in the 2000s.

They've got the newer one.

It's all real sci-tech.

And that was kind of cool, you know?

Yeah.

That was kind of cool.

I saw the first two seasons.

You might be able to watch Hulu, you know, also on your Android, too.

I was able to watch it on mine.

Yeah, I can watch Hulu on mine.

You have to do a lot of working around, but I figured it out.

I got it working, and one of my browsers will play Hulu, the Hulu website video on it.

I figured I got that working because it's a big thing that you can't do Hulu on Android.

Android, no Hulu, Hulu bad on Android.

Yeah, all you have to do is get that different version of Flash and install it.

There's a different version of Flash that'll allow you.

Yep.

Bookapoo asking, did I watch Game of Thrones?

You know, I still did not get to it.

it i've i read the first book um during my first uh time out uh after my first big surgery but i

still i have only seen the first episode of game of thrones it's on my list of shows to watch

with uh hbo hbo go it's on my thing i've got hbo go but i have not yet sat down to watch game of

thrones it looks good looks good but still have not um yeah what else uh playstation 3 i talked

talked about two weeks ago i wasn't sure if i was going to get um battlefield 3 or call of duty

modern warfare 3 i ended up uh today i got a gamefly account and i got uh i opted for battlefield

3 for my first game and i also got skyrim now i was playing battlefield 3 before the show started

i must say i was a big fan of battlefield 2 and uh the original battlefield battlefield of world

war 2 1 1942 wasn't it i played battlefield vietnam a lot and i'm really liking battlefield

battlefield 3 uh from what i understand battlefield 3 in comparison it's it's very it has the better

first player uh which is better for me i'm not really good than the multiplayer stuff um it's

got it's more of a simulation so in the multiplayer fighting uh shooting part of it the multiplayer

aspect you're working more with teamwork and when clans uh which is what i'm used to doing when it

comes to games like that, FPS, that I usually play on the PC, when I used to have a higher

end PC, back, you know, five years ago, I'm not interested in spending that kind of money

on a computer anymore, I'll stick to a console, now, I understand Call of Duty is also a good

game in its own right, I played Black Ops, but it's, you know, for the multiplayer for

that, you can get along solo, soloing for that, so I decided, well, you know, I'll play

battlefield 3 i'll go through the single player campaign i'll finish that i'll do a little bit

of multiplayer and i'll trade it in and i'll do call of duty for the multiplayer stuff but skyrim

i have yet to play it it's it's uh haven't installed it yet on the playstation 3 i hear

good things of the game except i hear a lot of bad things about the playstation 3 version and

lagging uh but apparently there was a patch that came out on monday that fixes most of that i don't

know we shall see please yep i lost you completely milkman i know jen stewart i don't know if you

you play games at all but well i usually don't but now like no part of this show you know yeah

i know but i i don't have anything to do now i was like well let me i've got a ps3 and i've never

i never all i do with this watch netflix for god's sake i'm like well let me try some games

you know so i get a ps3 for for wipeout you know wipeout hd yeah yeah that looks that looks pretty

cool i remember you used to play wipeout on the ps2 i used to love it there you go there's

something for it all right there's something for everybody there you go there you go jim so uh yeah

i decided to you know try the gaming so i'll try sky i'm probably not going to do a late show i'm

going to do kdk style i'm going to tell you guys no late show then i'm going to play skyrim it

takes what happened to kdk man i haven't heard from him he still he still does shows he still

does shows oh yeah he's uh he's actually we're um kind of friendly now together we uh i listen to

his show and i i sit in his chat and i help you know i give him you know kudos when he does some

some good pranks now he's he's got this very cool you know he's one of the main reasons i go into

the pranking in the first place yeah he's got he had some rough times there but he's back in order

you know he's doing a little better with himself he'll say himself and he's doing pretty good

hi uh that reminds me also milkman you didn't know about this uh sunday night i was a guest

on blackout blackouts box blackouts is doing a show and uh i uh i called in i was on him he

He has Skyped in, and we did a prank together, man.

It was pretty cool.

Oh, my God.

D.O. is still around.

Dude, I thought he was, like, in three for, like, last, my God, six years.

Yeah, it was kind of cool, actually, after all this time.

Finally got to be on the old Blackouts box, man.

Good time.

I'll be damned, man.

That's hilarious.

So no more Thursday night, man.

He moves to Saturday, huh?

He does Sunday nights now over at Blackout.com.

Oh, Sunday.

Sunday nights, I think he starts at 10 p.m. Eastern also, and he goes until whenever.

Oh, I enjoy it on his part

You know, you come up against the domination

Of the Thursday nights, man

It's probably a good idea to step back

I know, well, whatever it is

You know, we beat them in the ratings

I guess

That's what we do here, we run things

That's right, alright, everybody

Speaking of which, we're going to get to prank calls now

Kokanee sent in some numbers

I believe Nunu might be sending in something

I'm not sure, Lonesome Loser will be joining us soon

Be sure to send in your requests

As they come in

And I am having some video trouble.

So some of the video effects aren't going to be working right tonight.

I might even kill the video if it gets a little crazy.

So if you're watching on the live stream now only,

or if you're listening to the show on the live stream feed,

if it goes down and it goes into an old show for some reason,

go to madhouselive.com.

Make sure you're listening to the show there at least on the main website.

You can also catch us at cactiradio.com and blueplanethosting.us,

blue planet prank radio good friend ted runs that um yeah also one line wanted to mention a

big thanks to um uh to the prank show people over at cacti radio uh rob had me on uh for a very

racist show on saturday where i was i don't know why i was still on pain meds and i decided to use

the n-word out of nowhere and they they took it as an opportunity to just go into racist jokes

jokes and it got really bad and really racist man um a lot of prank calls i did some that i'm

a little embarrassed about myself to be but they're funny they're funny but i probably won't

be playing them here um well when when you call a place a skin cream place and you tell them that

you're buying skin cream for your neighbor because she has a skin problem and when they ask you what

the skin problem is and i told her it was because she was black that's her skin problem that's kind

of you know it's all in good fun but uh the white did you tell him that you know she was using black

soap so that was like you know no i just said her skin problem was her skin color and the lady got

yeah yeah jill says i remind i remind him of tom cruise i don't get that tom cruise look that's

funny i was watching uh the look you guys got to look up uh the tom and go to youtube and look up

the tom cruise scientology videos he's got one that he produced himself i watched it today for

For some reason, I don't know why, he's so fucking nutso in it.

He's just like laughing.

He's like, I know all that.

You know, I'm a Scientologist, and I'm the only one that can fix all these problems,

and people are counting on me.

Oh, my God.

You got to watch.

You got to watch it.

Tom Cruise on YouTube.

Tom Cruise, YouTube.com slash Tom Cruise.

All right.

God, I've talked a lot here.

Let's see.

We got numbers.

Request a prank.

Send those over at madhouselife.com.

We're waiting on those also from you.

You can send those in.

And we got Gabe Asha, which I understand means ass in German.

Asha.

That's Ash.

Ash.

Okay.

Yeah, A-R-S-H.

Sending a prank call for John.

He wants us to prank call John at the gym.

Sounds good.

I would like to prank call some 24-hour gyms.

If you guys can find some numbers for 24-hour gymnasiums, those would be fun.

We could have called my gym, but it's a bit early in the morning for that.

They're not going to open for another three, four hours.

Oh, boy.

We'll wait until you go there in the morning to work out, and then we'll prank call them.

hey jim do you still do that uh green tea diet that you were telling me about like uh for working

out yeah i mean i drink i drink green tea every day as part of my diet but i don't um i mean i

don't it's not like a major part of it i don't have to do it i just do it because all asian

people seem to do it and they seem to live a lot longer and they seem to be a lot higher up in the

rankings for the sport that i take part in so it's worth me doing the same no i was just curious

because you told me that you'd use that and it was helping to metabolism so some of that and i

I've got good results.

I just wondered if you were still into that.

Yeah, definitely, man.

I'm into all that.

I'm on a protein-based diet at the moment,

so everything is more protein intake than carbs.

I got you.

Protein.

That's awesome.

Good for you, man.

I'm proud of you for coming out.

That's awesome, Jen.

Good for Jen.

Yeah, you know, maybe a beer for Jen, man.

I'm kidding.

Well, you eat a lot of meats.

You eat some egg protein.

protein uh you know uh get some eggs in you you know i got a lot of chicken and a lot of tofu

that's the bulk of my diet soy milk soy milk and then i had to do protein when i was recovering

from the surgery they told me eat a lot of protein and they put me on this shake that was

really chock full of protein and it works in different levels like i had soy protein in their

egg protein and it worked over eight hours so it would why did you why did you do a diet was it

for weight management or because you're a

No, for the, I had such a

large hole in me. The surgery

wound was so large. They told me

eat protein and that'll help me heal

faster. So she says I'm diabetic.

You know, it was

very, very necessary. So I wasn't

I wasn't eating meat like a fiend, taking massive

shits. But the awesome thing too was

I was on these antibiotics and my shit

did not smell bad at all. I could take

a massive shit and it smelled like chicken

grease is what it smelled like. It's exactly

Yeah, because all the bacteria is what is making the smell when you do your crap, dude.

It didn't smell.

I would fart, and I wasn't even farting anymore.

If I farted and it didn't smell, but I would take massive nasty shits, and it was like nothing.

It smelled like fried chicken grease.

Smelled good.

Smelled good as shit.

That's medical fart.

Yeah, and I'll tell you what.

As soon as I got off the antibiotics, Athena's like, oh, God, not again.

Because I got off the antibiotics in about four or five days, right out, all over again, farting like a fiend.

You had to put a new fan back in the bathroom, right?

Because, like, you bogged down and burned out the motor.

Yeah, man, I was back in business in about four or five days.

It was over.

Oh, boy.

Tina was happy.

She was excited.

You got to love that.

Yeah, all right.

So, guys, let's do some prank calls.

Big Ken sent in the gym, 24-hour gym, Anytime Fitness.

Kokanee sent in numbers here.

We got the two requests of pranks.

um jen stewart i wanted a uh nunu says that i don't know if you've heard those um calls that

we've done to uh charlie in the past charlie charlie an asian guy he owns a chinese restaurant

he tells me to go fuck myself all the time no no i haven't heard this all right turning into

the equivalent of a sam jen yes basically he's uh he's like a sam an asian sam basically okay

I like the sound of that

Alright, so off the request

Are you okay doing a prank now

Or you gotta get going

No, no, not at all

I'm happy to try it

I'm just worried about the lag on the line

But we should be okay

Because I've put a much faster connection

Seems alright

Sounds really good

Yeah, very good connection

Alright, here we go

This is Charlie's

He's in Honolulu, Hawaii

First call of the night

Am I taking this?

Yes, please

Alright, good

Hello, Charlie

Yes

Yeah, hello, mate

How you doing?

Who is that?

It's Mr. Stewart

Mr. Stewart

i'm a friend of johnny's johnny gave me your number and he said uh we could discuss maybe

a special kind of occasion you do that sort of stuff who's calling mr stewart is chill yeah yeah

whatever um he said he said i could come and see you and you would do me a special favor

you understand what i'm saying i think you're wrong number no no right number definitely

you're charlie aren't you i said i called up i said is that charlie you said yes charlie so

So it's definitely the right number.

What are you calling for?

I'm calling from, I'm next door.

I'm really close to where you are.

But listen, you can help me and I can help you, yeah?

Charlie, hello.

No, I don't understand what you're talking about.

I'm talking about, I'm talking about horses.

Do you understand?

What?

You know a horse, you know, like it's got four legs and you walk around, you know?

Charlie.

What do you mean?

Charlie, yeah, Mr. Stewart.

it now you're being you're being rude because i'm asking you questions and you're not really being

very direct and responsive with me are you you see what i mean no no i don't know yeah yeah yeah i

know i do know you have to be when you talk to a person you know somebody said something and then

you talk to them back yeah that's how it works you are being fucking rude right now and i'm very

I'm very upset about that

I don't understand your gibberish

Hello

Oi

Oi you fucking

Don't

Oi you are a

What the fuck

You cunt

What are you

You be careful

I want to call police

Okay

No don't do that

Listen to me

Right

You are a fucking animal

Do you understand

What I'm saying

Charlie

Did we lose him

No, Charlie there.

Charlie!

Oh, we did lose him.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, that's his thing.

He curses.

That's his Chinese curse,

Chinga to Malay way.

Try him again.

Sorry.

Oh, yeah.

If you look in...

If you pull up the IM

while we're doing the show,

in the conference,

it has a separate IM,

like a conference.

Oh, yeah, I see it.

He gets upset when you say

that he shit in the toilet

or if you mention shit,

he gets really mad.

What if I said I shit in the toilet?

Call him back.

Yeah, he loves silly stuff like that.

Yeah, to get some off.

Get some off.

Here we go.

I'll call him stupid also he likes it

alright

he's probably used to it you know you call him a million

times he's going to expect you to call him

oh yeah no he's used to it yeah but we're calling

we used to just call his business

it's been over a year it was

I think it's been over

a year now and

somehow we reverse engineered

his cell phone out of the whole deal

so that was the cell phone we call now we stop calling

the business because his wife picks up with the business

and she's a cunt but you can call her too

but she's probably yeah she just gets upset she acts rude now she just plays music

uh but yeah go here we go what's his wife called uh we don't know yet we're trying to find out

mrs charlie hello hello yay is that um charlie's wife yes hello who's calling

yeah it's mr stewart how are you doing hello see that's that's how we get out of her now

Alright, alright, do it again

But this time

She may not answer, but we'll try again

I always try at least twice, you never know

He was on the road, I don't think he was there

He sounded good, that's perfect

He sounded like it was him

Hello, hello

Hello, yeah, hello, yeah

What the fuck

Nope

She really doesn't like that

Alright, good

We had fun, you got Charlie angry

We always have a running bet, how long until Charlie gets angry

He did get angry

agree. But I want to get a good call,

man. I want to get something out of this.

It's been too long since I've made a

good prank call, so I've got to do it.

No worries. We'll get something.

I'm baffled just by the overall thing

a lot

This guy is English.

This guy is British.

Okay.

Here's one from the past.

I've got some new ones, but

I've got an idea here.

There's a sit-go here, and it's a very Muslim

guy who gets upset sometimes, and I think

you'd be a good match for him, Jen.

I want the matchmaker here.

This is a sit-go gas station.

He doesn't wash his hands. It's not called sit-go anymore, though.

Okay, this is a gas station.

Yeah, we don't know his name yet.

wow damn it just want to mention real quick an apology here but if you listen to the

the thanksgiving show i finally got around because of my vision problems and the fact that it's they

came out to five hours and a half of show uh the show from thanksgiving i finally got it edited

out because i could edit a little bit of time and then my eye would get all watery and painful

and then i was like oh fuck this well i finally got it uploaded this week and and um the the

the first thing uh you know the beginning of my shows i always put little recaps of the episode

itself little cuts and bits and stuff for the show and the first thing you hear it's it's some

guy like saying who the fuck is tucker mike or what the fuck you want tucker mike something like

that it's funny uh but i do want to apologize i have been using uh when i prank call people

and ask me who i am i have been saying i'm tucker mike i live in tennessee

lately for some reason

and I don't think that's nice

to do. I know

I shouldn't do that. I wouldn't appreciate it

if he used my real name during his prank calls

and

it was a long show

five and a half hours long

jeez that's a lot of pranking

now Jen

I've got a DJ

if you have time I've got a DJ

here that's looking to be booked for $300

for events

like birthdays and stuff like that

Yeah.

We got him.

We also got a radio station, a hip-hop rap radio station that's answering the line right now I got here.

Those are from Kokanee.

Let's see.

And the gym.

You want to call a gym?

I've got a gymnasium here.

Let's try the DJ first.

Let's see if he'd be up for, like, I don't know, doing the event for an orgy.

The background music.

He's got to have some sexy slow jams.

Yeah, that's right.

But I'm going to do it like, oh, yeah, you know, I got a real good orgy coming up here.

And I just, you know.

You know, one of my favorite pranks of yours is when you call the Motel 8 and you tell the people you're going to have an orgy in room 8.

Yeah, that's it.

And they were like, yeah, brilliant.

Actually, some of them really went for it.

That was the fun thing.

There was a bug that was like, oh, shit, yeah.

Let's try it.

We're doing it at the Motel.

It's the Motel 6, isn't it?

Motel 6, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, let's do it.

Let's call it.

All right.

Well, okay.

I also love that taxicab prank, too, where he had 500 taxicab points.

Yeah, that wasn't too bad.

Jen, I put the details in the chat there, in the conference.

But it's DJ Ransom Dollars is the DJ.

Okay, great.

And I don't know where he is, though.

Where did you get the ad?

Coke, and he found it on Twitter, it looks like.

Okay, right.

All right, here we go.

Just a moment.

DJ Ransom Dollars.

Ransom Dollars.

What kind of a name is that?

It's DB Cooper.

Hi, this is Mr. Stewart calling.

I would like to speak to DJ Red, some dollars.

Oh, yeah, how can I help you?

Yeah, hi.

Basically, I got your number online through the Twitter interface,

and I live at the Motel 6 in San Jose Airport.

Do you know where that is?

Yeah.

Yeah, and I'm trying to get a DJ here for a localized event

that we are doing here at the Motel 6,

and I would like to know what kind of a rate you would charge

to come over and, you know, do this kind of thing.

What's your budget?

I'm not limited to any kind of particular budget.

I've got a lot of money and I've got, you know, I'm free to do whatever.

Why are you calling from a number?

I'm not sure.

It's the Motel 6 landline phone perhaps

because I'm calling through the switchboard at the hotel.

It's like it gets rerouted or something like that.

I'm not sure.

But it's not a problem. Just give me some information, first of all, that we can look at, you know, further ventures, you know?

You have to date the location, and then we'll be able to...

Okay, what about the kind of, the type of music that you play at your events? Is it kind of, you know, can we select that, or do you have to choose that for us?

I'm not sure that would be appropriate. Let me explain to you what kind of event this is. It's an event where randomized people come together at the Motel 6. You know what a Motel 6 is. And, of course, the guests at the Motel 6 will be coming together for one of these sort of parties, if you like.

And, you know, we're just trying to get as many people together as possible.

But we want to get a good atmosphere built.

You know, we want to build an aroma to get people eroticized and ready for the party.

Okay, cool. How many people does the venue hold?

I think it's up to 400 people.

And actually, we are looking to get also some camera people in there, you know, with the cameras and, you know, that kind of stuff.

stuff is that something you could do or or not yeah something we can do but it'd be more expensive

camera crew okay don't worry about the camera crew but i do need to get permission to film you

and there will be some sort of uh terms and conditions to the filming process that will

include that we'll go over that in a second but uh is this something you're interested in or not

yeah something we can work out okay very good okay so part of the term is that you can't wear

any clothes. Is that something

that would still interest

you? No, we're not going to be doing

no naked DJing. But it's not

really your part to do the

DJing. I just want you to socialize

and mix with the people in the

party. You know, you can just put the

record on and dance

naked with other naked

people. Yeah, we'll be okay.

We're going to pass on this event. Thank you. Why?

Hello? Yeah, why would

you pass on something like this? This is a

fantastic opportunity. Yeah,

I'm ready to give you

$1,000

up front.

It's a deposit.

We have pretty interesting

Okay, well, hold on a second.

Would it be okay if I came to see you

naked and gave you an idea

of what it's like to be naked around

other people? No, sir.

Now you're being disrespectful. Have a good day.

But I would like to come and see you naked.

Alright. Instant callback

coming up right now from the other line.

Let me take this one. You can jump in

if you like that.

Yeah, yeah.

Now you're being disrespectful.

Now you're just being silly.

Yeah, he's going to

come down naked

so he can see

what it's like to be naked.

Hello?

Nothing here.

Yeah, normally it comes out.

Yeah, it doesn't seem

to be down and out.

What's going on

with the Google voice here?

Let me try it one more time.

I think he likes it.

I don't know if he answered

or he's just sitting there.

But nothing else.

Okay, there we go.

Good times.

That's funny.

The naked DJ.

Well, he's not going

to bring down his standards.

How's it going to

damage your career?

What dick?

He's like, yeah,

Yeah, it's going to damage my career.

Playing recordings.

I just like the idea of some black DJ all naked.

Maybe he's shy.

I'm bad, I'm bad.

Yeah, yeah.

What up?

What's his name?

DJ Ransom Dollars.

DJ Ransom Dollars, yeah, naked.

You should have asked him if he just do underwear and a t-shirt or something.

Or underwear and socks.

Yeah, I saw your thing, but I did not fit it in.

Yeah, I never catch him.

People do that to me when I'm doing a show, and I never catch him until too late.

um all right what we got here you got about what you got to go to the top of the hour

or are you still no no no i can stay tonight i'm a little bit longer because i'm not training until

later no training okay good all right well i am training but not not not until later until later

we get extra time all right good all right uh this is the 24 hour seven uh gym i'll take this one

uh you can jump in if you'd like yeah you start it if you give me a good opportunity

Uh, you know if I'm here?

Tell him you made a mess or something.

Hi, thank you for calling.

Anytime you miss a ship, we're sorry we missed your call.

We're either on the floor assisting other members or...

Very good.

What, she sounded fit?

She sounded fit, yeah, she sure did.

Missing a few teeth.

Busy, busy, busy, man.

Actually, you know, the chicks in my gym are really fit.

Really.

I'm sorry, guys.

That's okay.

They're fit.

The Korean restaurant where the girl was on there and you laughed her about when she comes out.

You still got that one.

That lady would stay on the phone.

Yeah, the lady about, uh, how long, I asked the lady how long it would take me to shit

in the toilet after eating, uh, their meals, and she's like, this is ridiculous.

Korean food is really nice.

Um, you know, I don't have that number saved.

You know, Nunu, you're listening, Nunu.

Uh, send me that number, and I gotta save it.

I have to save that as a, as a contact in Skype.

For some reason, I failed to do so.

I should have done that.

Let's see.

Producer Bill, Samantha Tabachi's number's in here.

Do-do-do-do-do, Virginia.

If you would stay on the line for a while, you had a good, like, ten-minute conversation.

Yeah, yeah, that's true.

Well, here's another one.

We got the place that banned fur.

Jen, do you know what furries are?

Do they have those in the U.K. at all?

People that dress up like animals?

I've heard the term, or, I mean, rather, I've seen the term being claimed on the Internet,

that but i don't really know what it is no there's a group of people i don't know i know you've seen

the people dress up like star wars you dress up like darth vader or you dress up like oh yeah

like uh spock or tupac uh not tupac tuvok and all those people uh well chewbacca chewbacca like you

guys say over there chewbacca you guys say in the uk we say chewbacca but um yeah they dress up like

dogs and cats and they walk around and hang out in comic book stores and um this place banned them

because they were causing trouble and i called once and i said they were shitting in front of me

what the fuck okay yeah yeah i would have listened to this this is brilliant

yeah hi buddy listen you guys have magic the gatherings yes we do listen um you remember

you guys had a disagreement recently with the furries there okay i'm listening yeah i just

want to make sure i'm gonna come in but i don't want any trouble why would we have trouble with

just one person coming in because you guys banned all furries well if they're dressed up as furries

another group yeah we what were the problems exactly i don't understand what did i do well

a lot of the guys that were in there a lot of people they weren't clean a lot of some was a

lot not everybody but a lot of the costumes that were worn it was in the back there so a lot of

people weren't coming back here we lost a lot of our magic players just because of how felt

uncomfortable around the furries which that part we're dealing with but it was just a mess they

were leaving all the food that they would get and they tried to bring in drinks and beverages from

Well, listen, I always walk around with my tail,

and in situations, then I will come in with a suit,

but without the head on, you know, just so I could, just more comfortable.

You come in with a tail, you're respectful, you're respectful,

you'll be respectful back.

Well, I don't want to have any trouble there,

and my lawyer, I talked to him, and he said that I have a case,

and I'm allowed to go in there and do whatever I want.

What we banded was the furries from getting the furry group.

What do you mean you banded?

anymore because it was what do you mean banded we don't allow you know how they had the furry

get-togethers yeah but they had together we don't allow that you mean band or banded because

banded means you put them you wrapped them up in something in a band no but band the groups when

you guys had furry get-togethers yeah allow that anymore they're just straight out we don't we're

not allowed because it was causing too much problem so what's if okay say if it's me and my

best friend and my girlfriend is that okay i don't see it with that as long as you guys take

take care of your own messes and stuff all right so a couple people that's not an issue because

nobody's going to be you know i mean that's there there's sometimes 30 people and they hang out in

the back there so that's what we stopped doing all right so it's going to be me all right my

my girlfriend my best friend the three of us and then uh star fox bullying master b is going to

come melinda the mouse we don't want how many people are coming i got a whole list melinda

of the mouse we're not we're not doing a furry group that's well kitty yum yum and that's it

how many people let's see me right my girl my best friend bling master b star fox melinda mouse

kitty yum yum uh big baby bass that's that's over 10 people that's starting a group again

we're not allowing that now you got a problem counting son that's eight uh tucker mike um rbcp

the cool cat that's 10 so the limit you said the limit's 10 not over 10 people that's 10

exactly all right you guys like i said we don't allow the groups in here anymore we just banned

we don't allow furries here anymore because of the problems we've had well my lawyer said and i

can put them on the line my lawyer said you have to abide by this hello i'm not the manager well

listen well just look the other way and we're gonna give you five bucks we're gonna we're taking

a group photo there and we're gonna hang out we're gonna order pizza we're ordering pizzas we're

bringing in uh some fountain drinks from the gas station we're gonna take a group picture and then

and we're going to play our game.

What part of we don't allow for...

You said it's groups of more than 10,

and I'm right at 10.

It's okay.

But that is considered a group.

10 people is a group of people.

What if it's just me, my girl, Star Fox,

and my best friend, Ralph, Little John?

Yeah, if it's just a couple people,

that's one thing,

but when we start getting more than that,

that's when it becomes a group,

and that's when we don't allow.

So four people's okay?

Four people's okay,

but when you start having 10 people or more,

I mean, anything over 5'6",

if you think about it as a group.

What about Melinda...

That's fine.

Melinda Mouse?

I mean, just a couple people is fine,

but we just don't want the groups

because we always had problems.

Melinda Mouse is coming.

That's six.

That's five.

Okay.

That's not really an issue

as long as it's not big groups.

Okay, so five.

I mean...

Okay, what about Nunu?

That's six.

Do what?

Nunu is six.

Nunu.

What days are you guys going to do this?

Tonight.

Tonight?

Well, you guys...

I am fine with it for tonight,

and I have to talk to my manager

and find out exactly what's going on with the band.

We don't allow the big group.

That is what I was told it is, but I can always double-check.

But, I mean, I'm being very polite to you,

but you don't need to tell me about the landlord and we have our rights.

I'm just going by what the manager told me.

No, you can't discriminate.

And Kokanee the Cool Cat is going to come also?

We have a right to refuse service to anybody we see fit.

It doesn't say that there.

We cased the whole place.

We covered every inch of your establishment.

It doesn't say that anywhere.

What?

We canvassed and cased every single inch of that place.

We took pictures and everything.

It doesn't say that anywhere.

We announced it to everybody.

Well, you didn't announce it to me when we came in with the camera.

I wasn't at it.

The guy that was working here should have.

Well.

The best thing I can tell you than an ad, if you feel that show,

is just spend the daytime and talk to the manager, Cole.

I'm coming in with about 10, 12 people, 10 or 12 furs.

We're coming in tonight.

We're going to take some pictures and have some pizza and hang out.

You just said you were only going to bring six.

Now you're talking about bringing 10, 12.

Well, I'm trying to push them.

You give me a number, what I can bring.

You said 10 before.

I just told you 5, 6 was okay, but not over that,

because then that's getting into a big group.

All right, what if I bring in Bookapoo?

She's a poodle character.

That's 7.

Not a poodle character.

Yes.

Is that an actual dog, or is that what?

That's her fursona, is a poodle, Bookapoo.

That's what I'm saying.

We don't allow furries here no more,

because of the dressing up in the big groups,

and you're making it like you're trying to add more people every time we talk.

But she has a right.

She just lives like a poodle in a book.

She's called Bookapoo.

She's cute.

That's not the point, sir.

We don't allow...

So you said six is okay, but not seven.

I told you five, six is okay, and that's pushing it.

Seven?

But now you're talking about keep adding more people.

Seven.

What?

Seven.

No.

Six.

Six is okay?

I told you five, six is what I was saying I was okay with.

So six, six...

But anything over that, that's more than a big group, and I mean, I've seen things

I've said to you multiple times, and I'm trying to be nice.

Can we negotiate a seven here?

And what about a horse?

No, we can't.

Horse.

I said five or six is fine.

What about a horse?

This is becoming a waste of my time on the phone.

No, listen, please, please, sir.

This is very important.

I'm going to put, my lawyer is going to explain it all to you.

Jen, Mr. Stewart, are you there?

You got to talk to the manager for that, buddy.

Hello?

Yeah, I'm the lawyer.

I'm very intelligent.

I need you to listen to me very carefully.

I'm just going to hang up, all right?

Don't interrupt me.

Okay, hold on a second.

Excuse me?

Before you do that, don't, I said, pay attention and listen to me.

Excuse me, don't talk to me.

First of all, I'm trying to be respectful.

Have a good day.

That was awesome, man.

Oh, man, that must have been nasty.

You had it going for so long, it was really good.

Can you imagine the smell of the furries?

It was all dank, stank, sitting there, shitting, pissing.

The shit smell, man, from the back of their car.

Oh, man.

That's gnarly, man.

They have a convention close by.

They're coming up pretty soon.

I'm going to call them back.

Let me see if that guy answers.

They're pretty funny there.

They're funny to mess with.

Okay.

Who's in?

Yes, hi.

Hello.

Yes, hi.

This is Star Fox.

How you doing?

Okay.

Is this the guy that just called and was being rude to me?

No, I was making reservations.

That's all.

There is no reservations.

This is a game shop, not a hotel.

Okay, but listen.

I know my lawyer got a little...

He was just trying to...

He got a little upset.

He gets very into this thing.

He's new.

Giant, probably giant.

Okay, but like I was trying to explain to you,

this is something you guys got to talk to the manager with,

and he is not here at this late of a night.

Do you have his phone number?

Is he fully capable?

First of all, he's not reachable this late at night.

He went home due to sleep.

He works long-hour shifts here.

So you'd have to see him tomorrow.

Listen, don't talk to us like that.

We're people, too.

I understand that.

I was being nice in the beginning.

But when I was repeatedly saying the same thing over and over,

I do have customers here that I have to take care of in front of me.

You said stupid furry is what you said.

I said furry.

I did not say stupid furry.

You said you would ban everyone.

everyone i said the groups were banned from here you said they were banded that's not why how can

you ban them that's not loud and them means they're not allowed here yeah but why you can't

make that decision you're not the manager because that's what the manager told us yeah so but he's

not there so surely you know you can allow it just for one no i'm not going to allow it i got to go

by what the manager tells me what if we all give you some money and you look the other way just

look the other way we're going to go into the bathroom for a while i'm not going to do that

I'm honest.

My boss tells me to do one thing.

That's what I do.

I don't sit there and do stuff behind his back.

What if you joined in our group?

I would never do that.

And I have customers in front of me, sir, so I can't be on the phone here.

I just have two more questions that we have for you, okay?

The first, if we just stay in the bathroom and we take our pictures in the bathroom.

No, I can't, sir.

Okay, and if it's just me and my lawyer dressed up as furries.

I'm Star Fox, and my lawyer's Bookapoo, okay?

The furry, we don't, if you want to come in here as an individual, it's fine.

We just don't want furry groups here, like I've said for like 10, 12 times now.

What if we came in together in one suit, you know, like a pony suit or a horse suit?

I will be the head and you will be the tail.

I'm going to be the back legs.

We don't do that here.

But I think it would be fine.

No, well, we're not doing that here.

As a lawyer, I'm telling you, as a lawyer, I'm telling you it would be okay.

It is not against any law.

Also, if you are a lawyer, you also know a business has a right to service to anybody.

Not in the United Kingdom, and this lawyer is from the United Kingdom.

All right, you can have a good day, sir.

I have cut in front of me.

I have to take care of myself.

Listen.

You've ruined my day, you bastard.

I love it.

He did not say stupid furries, everybody.

That's good.

I'll try one more time.

All right.

He's such a stupid.

He's a dumbass.

All right, just one more thing.

I promise.

Have a good day.

please i was gonna ask him if it could just be me but my lawyer would come in first and he'd say

ladies and gentlemen starfox and i'd walk in i'll break the executed gentleman

jim with his accent just comes in ladies and gentlemen mr starfox

what else would help if you made animal sounds too

what if you go like a cockroach can you be a cockroach

furry? I guess that's not a furry. That's an insect.

Maybe she hasn't shaved her

butt, Josh.

They're having a convention. I was saying this before.

They're having a convention in Pennsylvania coming up.

I know somebody who's into it.

They don't dress up, but they're wanting to get into it.

Isn't that

a little bit strange?

It's a little strange. We're all a little worried

about this person.

We're all just like,

please let it be a phase.

Please let it be a phase.

I like to wear a shitty smelling costume

Of an animal

Oh god can you imagine the smell

When they go to these conventions

And they're there for like three days

And they're just sitting around on the convention floor

What do they do there?

Do they just socialize?

They socialize and they buy

And they talk about their fursonas

And they act out games

And then they smell

And apparently like

You have your canine ones

Like the wolf and the dog ones

and they hang out together

and then there's the cat.

So they have to smell like a dog, right?

So they're like later coming out of the house.

Do they sniff each other's butts like dogs do?

I don't know.

They lay down and next, like in a pack,

they lay down and talk and circle each other

and then the cat ones are separate.

You have your cat ones

and they're separate on the side

and only the cats hang out with the feline ones.

Yeah, well cats are quite cute

so I can imagine if there was, you know,

a nice attractive young lady or something

in a cat suit.

Dude, that would probably be quite cool.

But, you know, guys dressing as cats?

I don't know.

I'll be keeping them in a little bit.

How about I lick your balls, buddy?

So, yeah, that's that.

We're having a good time here, Madhouse Radio,

talking about, we're hitting up the furry issue again.

The band, the banding.

As he says, they're banded.

That was it.

They're banded.

He said it the last time.

Furs are banded.

Is that the, like, binding?

They're banded.

He doesn't even know.

I'm going to ask how to spell it next time.

but you know he's he's such a dork kid you know he's like a 25 year old nerd you know he's got

the attitude he doesn't seem too bright no he doesn't seem all there it's got a little dimmer

bulb on the tree well you gotta be when you when you're when your career is you're you're in your

20s and you're working at the comic book magic the gathering gaming store it's not right like

anybody is over the expert at dungeons and dragons until i got online and i started playing that you

You know, the game that everybody really loves now.

Unless you're the owner, and even still you're probably a little weird,

but to be just the help at a place like that, God.

What was that big game everybody was into about a year or two ago?

What was it everybody was, like, taking part in?

World of Warcraft.

That was a year ago.

That's it, that's it, yeah, that's it.

That's what I'm talking about.

One long-ass year.

That's one long-ass year.

World of Warcraft was, like, what, 2005, 2006 that came out, I think, something like that.

I have no idea, but everybody's doing StarCraft 2 now.

Over there, yeah.

You know, I got StarCraft 2 last year, and it came out, and I bought it.

I played the one-player, the first-player thing, and I beat it, and I got over it.

I was like, I don't want to do the multiplayer, because there's Koreans that play StarCraft 2, and they're insane.

yeah we've got some people i i work with who um we sometimes do a land party and we play

starcraft 2 and they're really good they just spend too much time that's cool that's cool

Well, maybe me and you could play one day online.

But the first StarCraft, and I read a few weeks ago,

it's been decided in the gaming community

that that's going to be the official first metric of gaming ability is StarCraft.

The original one is so perfect in its ability to, you know,

your gaming skills where you're like an athlete in gaming.

That's what they're going to use as a metric.

it's the first game that's you know perfected to that point where that's how they'll have

competitions where you can be the and i mean they do them now koreans especially love starcraft

um i played that a lot like that's one of the major reasons why i dropped out of college the

first time i went was starcraft i played that after school like from 8 p.m all the way until

like five six in the morning and then i would just sleep in i wouldn't go to class and i ended up

dropping out that was starcraft fucking ruined my life telling you fun game you should write to

blizzard and uh complain complain i can't i'm sure not the only one and i never really was that good

at it you know you think if i would have ruined my life with it i would have been some good at it

but nope it wasn't um yeah uh nope and it's funny we're talking about furries and uh there's an

expansion of wow to world of warcraft with pandas and people thought it was a joke but it's a real

like you can be a panda character now like a furry cool yeah i don't know i'm not i think

there's got to be something for everyone isn't there there's got to be yeah the new star wars

uh is coming out they have a new online thing where you can be a jedi or uh whatever you want

to be a new online game for star wars so she'll be coming out pretty soon here i was watching

video that today and i wasn't impressed i don't know i don't think i'll get it uh yeah the old

Old Republic, I think it's called.

Anyway, let's continue on here.

There's some more calls.

This is Madhouse Radio for the 8th of December.

Leading into December 9th.

Milkman is getting ready to use the toilet.

Lonesome Loser checking in.

Hey, man, Lonesome Loser.

Have you heard about Lonesome?

Oh, I wanted to mention it's the playoffs in the NFL American Football Fantasy Football League

that we had this year for Madhouse Radio.

I made the playoffs along with Eric, who's a friend of mine who listens to the show occasionally,

occasionally uh a fringe friend of ours is also in the playoffs in the finals and uh lonesome

loser is also in there too he's one of the four top teams this season what kind of thing is this

well basically uh we got our version of football you know american football style here and um at

the beginning of the season you know only lasts for eight months every year or whatever i don't

think it's even eight months five months or whatever before the season starts a group of

people go in there and you all the players who play professionally in the league um you make your

own team out of the pool of players like you make your own customized team and depending on how they

do in real life you get points for how the players are in real life and then you know you bench them

and you you know you draft extra ones you trade them and all this stuff and you play each other

so we had eight people total madhouse listeners including myself lonesome is in there and some

some other people uh evil arty etc um and uh yeah i made the i mean i think i came in third in the

league uh lonesome came in fourth he beat andy the former co-host of the show uh it came down

to him and lonesome loser whoever won that game was going to take the last spot in the finals in

the in the in the playoffs and lonesome pulled out a pretty big win uh so it's going to be between

the four of us i don't play lonesome the first week i play eric and the underrated underdogs

my team is called The Mouth

so wish me luck

we'll see if I end up playing Lonesome Loser

in the Super Bowl or not

I'm pretty excited about that

I want to say congrats to everyone

who played this season

the aforementioned people

and also Andy we mentioned also already

Nick Badfish

listens to the show, he was in there

who else was in there this year

Mikey129 was the guy

that got this all planned and never joined

there's some other people, I don't know

No, I don't know right now.

What?

Yeah, yeah, it's Milkman.

I'm sorry.

Go ahead.

No, no, no.

That's good, man.

I'm glad you're big.

Like, you know, good luck in the Super Bowl.

Thank you.

Thank you, sir.

Let's find the files.

What's your name of your team, man?

What do you call the team?

The Mouth.

My team is The Mouth.

The Mouth, yeah.

Evil already had the horse.

I think horse.

Orlando horse.

And he changed it to something else.

The Shmeagles.

I don't know why he did that.

The horse just won.

It's a drop cloth.

Andy had white power for a while, and he thought he was too bad.

He was Fat Power, and then he changed that to Cock Strong lately in the last few weeks.

Yeah, he was Fat Power for a while.

He was White Power originally, which I thought was funny,

but he changed it because he didn't want to offend anybody.

I thought it was funny.

I liked his original one, Kenworth.

That was a good one.

Okay, all right.

Okay, we got a request of pranks here.

Jaime or Jamie.

Jaime, Jaime.

Sent in a 24-hour...

That was after Peterbilt, of course.

portion yeah you and the uh that joke never dies we got a 24-hour gym jim did you want to do a 24

hour gym here before you uh um no i'll stick around but you you do it all right i'll think

of something it's gonna be good i still want to call the furry guy back to a little later

i'll let him rest yeah i might be off guard thank you for calling 24-hour fitness with more than

400 locations open up to 24 hours state-of-the-art equipment and more than 3 000 certified personal

This is Greg. How can I help you?

Hey, Greg. This is Jack.

I was wondering how your gym membership system works there.

How our gym memberships work?

Yeah, I'm from Orlando, and I'm doing the programs over here.

I'm in the 24-hour fitness here.

They said that I can go there and I can use your machines.

Yeah, there's a couple of different, like,

the thing is we have different packages and different plans that we offer.

normally we just have you come on in like I said and you sit and talk to a

membership counselor they see what works for you you know if you want a month a

month do you want to have initiation fees and have a lower for you know

monthly rate do you want to avoid initiation fees and a little higher rate

we also have limited memberships you know where you can pay for like a year

two or even three at a time and set that up as a solid one payment so there

are a lot of different options that we offer

Oh, geez, I wasn't playing with Tuxedo.

What I think is best, if I come in, now you accept my, I have a package already.

I have a member at the other club.

Mm-hmm.

So then I, that's fine for me.

So you already have one, there you go, though.

You already have one at another 24-hour, you said, or just at a different club?

The Orlando place, 24-hour.

They gave me your number here.

I'm here in town, and they gave me your number.

So then they said I could come in and I could use your machine and use your sauna and use your Whirlpool?

Yeah, if you've already got a membership and everything, like I said, with us, then yeah, we can just transfer you on over to you.

And the Whirlpool, how big is it?

I'm sorry, what was that?

Your Whirlpool, how big is it?

The Whirlpool, I think, fits 12 to 16 people.

It's a pretty decent size.

All right.

I think it's like 20 by 10 or something.

I weigh 482 pounds.

Hello?

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I'm starting to lose you there.

You were breaking up.

What were you saying?

I weigh 482 pounds, so I'd be able to fit in that.

Oh, yeah, you'd be able to get in there.

It's even got steps walking down into it, so that'd be fine.

Okay, now, in the Orlando place, I want to make sure this is the same way.

After I work out, then I go into the shower, you know, and then you sit down in the sauna

and other people come in, right, in the same sauna?

Yeah.

And then...

Yeah, most definitely.

So what you're supposed to do is you take off your towel when the other man sits in front of you, right?

Oh, well, like, the thing is, when we go in there, it's actually a shared male and female wet room.

So you have to go back in a bathing suit.

Anything that would be, like, a swim trunks or anything like that, you have to have on.

But what's the sign, then, at this place that you make?

What was that?

The secret sign that you make here.

Oh, there is none, man.

Well, you know, like, you tap your foot or something?

Mm-hmm.

What's the one?

Yeah, there's nothing like that.

Well, in Orlando, what you do is you take off your towel when they stand in front of you,

and then you know that they are playing the game.

Yeah, we don't do anything like that, man.

You know the sexy game?

No, we don't do anything like that, brother.

So that's what this is for, though.

Thanks for coming on here, folks.

Have a great night.

Hello.

How so?

That's what I pay for the membership for.

No, no, the membership's just for the gym access, 24 hours a day.

Would you like me to put you on hold so you can talk to a member?

A membership person?

Yeah, sure.

Okay.

This is brilliant, dude.

Keep the sex thing going.

This is brilliant.

That's hot.

The women in the wet room with you.

Fucking awesome.

Yeah.

Try to bring a pony into it, man.

Thanks for all that, Sandra.

Yeah, listen.

I'm a little confused because I paid for my membership for the access to the sauna, the all access.

Okay.

I'm a member in the Orlando location on East Colonial.

You're in the Orlando location?

And then I came up here to this, you know, I'm on vacation visiting family for the holidays for the month of December.

I don't go back to work until January 15th.

Okay.

And then, so I was asking what the protocol is in the wet room in the sauna,

because in Orlando, you know, you're supposed to sit down in the sauna with a towel, you understand?

Yeah.

When the other man comes in front of you, then you do the sign.

If you're interested, you take off your towel, and then that's the sign, and then you go somewhere else.

So then he told me that that's not how it is in this one, so I was trying to find out what the sign is here

so I know after I work out what we're supposed to do.

Okay, can you say that again?

In Orlando, the sign that you do, you sit down in the sauna after your workout,

out and you're supposed to when a man sits in front of you and he looks you tap your foot and

and then you can move your towel and then that's how he knows you're interested so i don't know

what the protocol is here in this town in this gym and that man said that the membership doesn't

include that but that's why i got the membership they explained to me in orlando that that's how

you know that the access to the sauna and and that that type of thing you know that's that's

what it's for that included that did it's for to sit in and relax well after you work out then you

sit down in the sauna and other men come by and if they give the sign and you relax together and

in an intimate you know setting yeah that's not how that works here um that's not allowed in the

saunas well i mean it's not a crime or nothing i mean it's that's what the gym is for um yeah

that's just not allowed here at 24 hour fitness well the 24 hour fitness in orlando that's what

That's what we do all the time.

I'm a regular there.

Yeah, well, that's not something that we do here at this 24-hour fitness.

Well, this is the gay gym.

That's the 24-hour fitness.

They said if I was a member in Orlando, that I can go to any different location

if it's in a certain radius, outside a certain radius, and that I have the same access.

Nice.

Now, who'd you talk to?

Huh?

Who'd you talk to?

The person over there when I set up my annual membership last January.

I've been going for a whole year.

I use the treadmill, and then I can use the elliptical, and I do some barbell weights.

And then when I'm done, I go in the sauna, and if a man comes in, then, you know,

when the man comes in, then I show him my privates.

And then we go to the shower together, or we go to the car, or something like that.

No, man, you can't do that.

You've got 24-hour fitness.

Well, that's part of it, though, I thought.

Yeah, I know, but you can't do that.

So, did you have any other questions?

What's all the grunting about, then, if it's not a gay gym?

I don't understand.

People just like to work out at 24-hour fitnesses.

Well, no, they're making the noises.

You're supposed to make the noise so they hear you.

I thought it was a sign.

Huh?

I thought you tapped your foot is what you were talking about.

I thought a fit?

What?

I thought you were talking about a sign, not a sound.

Well, they make a grunting noise, too.

It's to show the masculinity, also.

Oh, so it's a grunting sound and what was it, a leg tap or something?

Well, the sign is you tap your foot and you move your towel to the side

and you show your private parts.

Oh, okay, yeah.

Well, that's not, you can't do that here at 24 Hour Fitness.

Did you have any other questions, though?

Well, let me tell you, they're doing this in the Orlando one all the time.

Okay, well, that's, yeah, they definitely can't do that here at this one, so.

Okay, are you sure?

Do you have any other questions?

If this is bad, then we need to make sure this isn't happening anymore.

Yeah, so, yeah, definitely no one else that I know of does this.

So, is it okay for me to go to someone's working out and just talk to them?

Like, if I gave them...

What?

Can I give a phone number to a man there? Is that accepted?

You know, you can do whatever you want. You just can't show your private parts in there.

No, but can I rub, like, say, I can relax his muscles, and when he's using the working out, I can come behind him and relax his shoulder muscles, shoulder blades, and all that?

Um, no, you can't do that.

Um, is there anything else, um, that you needed?

What if he's asking, you know, for it?

Uh, yeah, so I, if there's nothing else, um, I actually, I gotta get going, but you definitely can't do any of that stuff, so.

But this is a, so the women are in the wet room also, is that what's going on, the women?

What?

The women are going into the wet room also, you said?

No, you can't do any of that, man.

What about just the tip?

All right, but I got to go.

If you have any other questions, you can let me know, but you can't do any of that kind of stuff.

Anything else?

What about just the head?

Just the head.

What if I just put the head in?

So, yes or no?

Any other questions?

What if I just put the head in?

Okay, well, if you have no other questions, I'll just let you go, okay?

I do have a question.

If it's anything about that kind of stuff in the sauna, you can't do it.

So, anything else besides that, I'm going to get out of here.

I gotta go help some people out, okay?

Have a great night.

What if I share all my towels?

Oh, oh.

I'm gonna hurt my cheek there with that marker.

God, I can only do that jack for so long.

All right, let's call him back and let me do the same thing.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, cool.

But as a British person.

There you go.

Thank you for calling 24 Hour Fitness.

With more than 400 locations, open up to 24 hours.

If I did it in voice, I'd be...

Ken just had a...

Who's it calling?

What the hell?

Oh, guys, you there?

Jen?

Hello.

Okay.

Ken just had a brilliant idea.

He said ask if he can jerk it under your towel, not showing anything, though.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't worry.

I'm going to get really good at this.

All right.

Here we go.

Thank you for calling 24-Hour Fitness.

Where is it?

I don't know.

Van Dyke.

24-Hour Fitness.

This is Greg.

How can I help you?

Hi.

Good evening.

I'd like to talk to somebody about a temporary membership.

Okay.

Give me one second.

I'll get membership for you, okay?

Brilliant.

Thank you.

I reckon you can call them back.

I'll try to get something out of the receptionist.

I want to say I'm here from the UK

and sort of on vacation

I'm going to do the same thing and ask about

if I can do the same thing in the sauna

It's Arvada, Colorado

Please enjoy the following music

while your party is being reached

Let me get Milkman first

I think they're freaking out

They don't know about the secret

Secret tap

Oh god

Hey Milkman, I'm trying to call you back

We lost you somehow

Call my cell phone back and I'll get you back on

As soon as your shit's back up

I'll keep drawing you later

I'm gonna do a prank first and I'll call you again

Alright, so he doesn't get upset

Alright, here we go, so we're gonna call him back

Tell him to hurry up, hopefully this time

Alright, let's do it, come on

No milkman for this one

That's what goes down in those gyms, man

That's what I hear, they call them gay churches in Raleigh

Thank you for calling 24 Hour Fitness

With more than 400 locations

Open up to 24 hours

Thank you for calling 24 Hour Fitness, this is Greg

How can I help you?

Hi, I called a second ago, but you transferred me to your membership department, but nobody picked up.

Okay, I apologize. Give me one moment.

Right.

All right, my membership is tied up right now.

Let me go ahead and I'll take a message for them, and that way I can pass it along.

Well, maybe you can help me.

I'm basically, I'm staying in Nevada, and I've just come over from the United Kingdom,

so I'm doing some temporary sort of things over here.

And I'd like to come and work out at the gym, basically.

and just wondering if it's in any way similar to the gym I've got over here in the UK.

Yeah, I would assume it mostly is.

We have cardio, we have free weights, we have a workout area,

we have group workouts and programs that come with a membership,

and then we also have a wet room with the pool, the sauna, and a hot tub.

Yeah, okay.

And with the sauna, and also, like, in your gym when they use the free weights,

Is it the same kilograms or do you use something else?

Well, it's pounds, but I believe some of them do say, like, kilograms on them,

but most of it's in pounds.

Okay, interesting.

So in your gym, certainly in my gym, we have, we like, it's a sort of,

how do you say that when you have men and women using the same facility?

Yes.

Do you have the same thing going on over there?

Yeah, it's a co-ed facility.

So when you go into any of the wet rooms or anything like that, you have to be dressed properly.

Right. I would actually, I would like to be in a male-only sort of section.

Is that a possibility, or is that not, you're not able to do that?

That's not something that we offer with 24 Hour. There are other places that do, but we do not.

Okay, but I came, because your place was recommended because it was known for, you know, hello?

Yes.

Hello, yes. What happened there?

Yeah, I'm still here.

Just a bad connection on my end.

Oh, I see.

I thought you were talking to somebody else for a second.

That would have been extremely rude.

We don't do some things like that in the UK, certainly.

So anyway, so your gym came recommended to me,

and it was because, you know,

some of the things that go on inside the gym,

and that's basically why I'm calling,

because I'm more interested, actually,

in the gentleman area of the gym than I am...

Yep, that is not something we offer.

but you said you had a sauna

and a wet room there

now if I was inside the sauna

and there were only men in the sauna

is it okay for me to

you know give a sort of secret

word or a secret sort of

sign to you know

you know it's not brother and unfortunately

I'm going to have to let this phone call go

so you have a great evening and thank you very much for calling 24 hours

excuse me please

excuse me

he's just steering it right

let me get milkman he's telling me he's ready

Please enjoy the following music

while your party is being reached.

Thank you for calling 24-Hour Fitness

with more than 400 locations.

What's happening there?

24-Hour Fitness, can you hold, please?

Yeah, not really, because you just hung up.

Yes, sir, because what you're talking about,

I said it was something we cannot help with,

and I can't have a phone conversation about that.

So I do have to let you go.

So what you're bringing up is something that we don't, you're a potential customer,

but you're looking for something that we don't offer, and it's actually illegal.

So I cannot help you with that, and that's why I let you know ahead of time that I am releasing the call.

But that's not acceptable, because I'm not, you know, I don't call to be hung up on.

I'm calling for business, you know?

I understand, and I already explained it's something that I can't help you with further,

and there's nothing else I can do.

But, you know, scrotums are fascinating, and I would just like to show just a little bit of my scrotum.

squirrel tips are fascinating

oh boy

I think we got the title of the show

that's pretty good

the surface area is so much

amazing and larger with the wrinkled

structure like that

I was going to tell him about how it holds two

balls isn't that amazing

two of them in one little sack

and all the little sperms

just swimming around in there

that's funny

we should keep that theme going

that is a really good idea

you know how amazing the squirrel

i was i was saying you should have asked him uh where the gay where's the gay gym at

do you know any do you have any private people like private numbers for home you know people

like just uh regular people yeah let me see i'm sure lonesome sent them in let's see

here's what's lonesome has sent in if i'm gonna read this out to me you stop me

um and uh yeah uh turkish kitchen uh dylan's double deuce fohoa noodle soup bento teriyaki

Rocky, Vietnamese Cafe, 24 Hour Fitnesses, and let's see here.

I've got King in England, an old guy in England.

Yeah, King.

Okay, it's 5 o'clock in the morning.

That is a wicked idea.

Yeah, King, like the King of England.

King, King, King, right, okay.

Like God save him.

And here we go.

I'll put in the chat there for you the details.

Hello, yeah, it's Jin.

How are you?

Yeah, it's Jin Stewart.

I want to talk to you because I'd like to talk about

how, you know, I'd like to talk about

certain things. Who are you?

I'm Mr. Stewart. Yeah, Mr. Stewart.

448? That's right, 448

because I live actually at number

19. Do you know where that is?

19 what? 19 you.

Why are you ringing at 448?

Because it's very important that I have,

you know, that I talk to you about

certain things, certain development.

Bye-bye. Excuse me?

Shall I ring back? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's going to get really pissed off.

I've got a thing also here we can call.

if this falls through.

These are the numbers we didn't get to in the last show.

Hello? Hello?

All right. I will

post the details for King.

Okay. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's the lady

when I called her two weeks ago.

She was like, go away.

She just said that really loud and hung up on me.

That's all I got out of her. So you get a little extra.

This is

King Hero. All right, let's try it.

What do you Brits...

You're not really British, but what do the British...

Always with the time.

time always telling you know what time it is and at this time and the time the time the time i have

no idea get over it hello yeah it's chin stewart here from number sevens how are you what's who

yeah it's mr stewart from number seven yeah yeah yeah from number seven how are you mate

all right excellent excellent i'd like to come over if i can what now why yeah because i'd like

to uh i'd like to just talk about you know certain things okay look i need to be honest with you mate

um i'm really fascinated by the male genitalia you know like the scrotum for instance and how

it carries two two convenient testicles and i would like to hello oh that's good getting back

because it's gonna really get to him as soon as he as soon as he gets into this he's gonna get

This is a good conversation though

It is an amazing beautiful thing

Wouldn't it be a great inconvenience

If you had like one testicle

In one stack

And another in the other stack

Wouldn't that be really strange

They'd hit each other all the time

What did he say

He shouted something

He said to piss off

They'd be clacking all the time

It's busy let me try again

He left it off the hook

He took it off the hook

You want to do another one?

I've got a David Blackman.

In the UK.

I posted in the IM there first

for us to see.

That's the plan.

That's the ticket.

I know UK Ted, IG69.

You guys are as soon

as we hit the second half of the show

I'll let you guys on.

I'm just going to concentrate on some gin.

Oh, this is in Australia, is it?

Oh, this is Australia.

In Australia?

Australia?

Oh, wow.

What's the time over there?

Three-something, maybe?

Afternoon.

I know it's afternoon time.

Ah.

Let's see if they're there.

Hello, Robin.

This is Parliament.

All right, we'll do another King here.

G. King in Essex.

Oh, excellent in Essex.

Essex?

They got problems there?

No, no.

It's just a really shitty part of London.

Nice.

Is that where the riots were, I think?

Oh, no.

They were all over London.

Oh, wow.

welcome to voicemail

the person you have

called is unavailable

please leave a message

crap

alright

but just for fun

I will try

the last one

that answered

real quick

just for shits and giggles

that was King

maybe

yeah yeah

maybe he took it off the hook

I think we gave him enough time

hello

just put it on the table

brilliant

hang on

hold your ears guys

hold your ears

let me see if I can get them

that is not coming

damn it

sometimes that works

yeah it depends

what kind of a fight

they've got

yeah once in the england i did that and they thought it was a a chicken i think on the floor

i don't know what that they thought it was a dog or a chicken and they were looking for it

i keep going like really yeah hope hopefully i didn't blow your ears out it's milkman still on

yeah sorry about your ears there if you heard okay we got uh we still got you for a while

jen or you gotta get going yeah yeah no i'm here for a while perfect let me reorganize here real

quick play a little songy a little song you do play a different song scratch my eye a little bit

here i'm allowed to scratch my in the corners now don't rub them bro no no hell no uh dude

the worst part is you push your finger into like the eyeball oh god no i'm gonna think about that

oh man yeah it was taking like three four drops a day at four different times a day four different

drops four times a day now it's down to two twice a day as of today um the crazy the worst part

there were sutures in the eye there were actual um stitches dissolving ones and uh they they

dissolved finally uh this last monday here and when it was happening um like i guess a piece of

the stitch got loose so it's floating like a hair on my eye my eye under my eyelid and my eyeball

ball and it was itching so bad i was like oh god but i'm not allowed to touch it or nothing so i

just when i went to sleep and i woke up and it was gone you know that but yeah the human eye is

amazing it's the doctor told me it is the fastest healing pick up the fastest healing organ in the

body it will heal faster than anything else milkman's working hustler good for you

random so what did you say about the eyes the fastest here the fastest healing part of your

body is your eye yeah have healed any damage your eye heals super this fastest thing your body to

heal wow yeah kent says i'm making his eye hurt sorry buddy okay but yeah um let's continue on

here let's see what we got uh lonesome hasn't did more numbers that we should be getting to

uh including jay pink

excuse me is this somebody in the uk yes jay pink this is brilliant because it's five o'clock in

the morning people are gonna get so angry hey man waking up the uk you know how we do

let me do a testicle call here but you jump in if it's if it's done you

hello jay pink this is pink yes uh yes i wanted to talk to you about a few things good morning

first of all hope you're doing well um i wanted to talk to you about the anatomy and the human

testicles it's a beautiful thing the man's testicles come on they're pretty nice let me try

welcome to bg on say one five one all right here's one that i want to do

big baz sent in a number for a veterinary clinic in australia they specialize in

horse insemination

I thought it'd be

I think it'd be funny

if we called

and just talked about

how beautiful

a horse's testicles

you know what

you should do

right

keep doing it

right

and every now and then

I'm gonna interrupt

and say pony

there you go

so you call them up

and talk to them

and just keep it going

and then every now and then

I'll just put in a pony

alright

or just throw a horse in too

I like that

yeah exactly

but don't

like don't

pretend I don't understand

or you don't know

it's happening

I won't react at all

yeah

I'll just act like it's normal

Normal, yeah, but I'll talk about how beautiful the horse's body is.

All right, here we go.

Howdy.

Good afternoon.

My name is Cross.

I'm from the United States.

I'm in Australia, and I understand that you work with horses.

We do.

Oh, good.

I'm in Australia, and we have a horse.

We have a thoroughbred horse, a stud, that we're having some trouble with.

Do you folks work with insemination?

We do indeed.

I just, sorry, it's very, very hectic at the front desk.

I've got a very bad phone line.

I probably need you to chat to one of our vets.

Tony.

Can I take your details and have one of the vets give you a ring back?

Well, I really don't have a number you can call back in this country.

Can you put one on the line?

Can I hold for a little bit?

Not at the moment.

They're all quite tied up.

They're tied up.

Now, what I'm concerned with, this horse, his name, it's Bookapoo is the name of the horse.

And he's in Australia, is he?

Yeah, we brought him here in Australia.

Which study is he at?

Some children were traumatized.

They were throwing apples.

Apples are his favorite food.

Apples are his favorite food, and these children started throwing these apples at him, and now he won't perform.

He's supposed to have sex with the girl horse, with the mare.

Right, and he's traumatized by that.

He's traumatized.

And I tried, I touched him, I talked to him, I said, hey, baby, baby, like that.

I always do that to him.

Yeah.

And I say, and he won't, he won't, he won't do anything.

He's scared.

He shakes his head.

And is Booker Pierre in the Hunter Valley?

Is he near us?

Yes, yes, he is.

Yes, he's on, well, he's in a, my, I'm not certain, is my,

Gin Stewart is a friend of mine.

It's his property.

I don't know if you know who he is.

What was his name?

Mr. Stewart, Gin Stewart.

He's a rich man.

Okay, so he's close to us.

I need to have one of the vets chat to you, but as I say, they're all just very tied up at the moment.

I mean, I'm just so scared because every time, whenever I touch his mane and I go,

and usually he, you know, then he gets an erection and his penis gets erect, you know.

Right, right.

And then we can touch him, his penis and his testicles and everything, and we go back and forth.

Pony, pony.

It's such a beautiful part of his body

But he's not able to serve the mares

No, and you know how beautiful a horse's penis is

I'll have to phone back

As I say, I'm just on reception

You'll need to speak to one of the vets

How soon?

If you want to try back in an hour

In an hour? Okay

Thank you, bye-bye

I don't want to ruin it, I guess I'll call back

Damn, I wish she wasn't so busy

She even noticed it, what the hell

It's just normal talking

They're like furries

I was hoping you'd bring me in

And I could be the Tourette

Tourette's pony horse guy

I wanted you to throw horse really loud

I tried one

I might have fucked over it

What do I do to the horse

Yeah that was brilliant

Imagine some short Puerto Rican guy

Talking to his horse like that

I do that to my cat Davi all the time

He was biting me today

He was being a little jerk

He's never really bitten me before

He got upset at me

because i was i usually um i'll shake him i'll grab his chest and i'll go like that to him and

he usually was like stop that he'll put his paw on me and push me away but it was like he was he

was snapping at me he wasn't like angry but he would like kind of nibble at my thumb a little

bit like stop that i don't like that he wasn't saying that he doesn't talk anymore yeah but um

anymore but uh yeah you know he wasn't happy and i don't appreciate that dobby bad cat chloe's my

my favorite cat again. Milkman, you know my

cats. Milkman likes my cats.

Yeah, he's got them. Anyway, you don't

have any pets, right, Jin? I do. I have

one cat, and it's right next to me. Aw, what's

the name? Ghostie. Ghostie. Go

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The ghostie. See what it does.

Ghostie and the pussycat. You gotta go

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cats love

that. They love it. That's what I do to my cats

all the time. Don't stroke his penis. Be careful about

that. It's a beautiful... It's a she. I don't...

I can't... You can't stroke a penis on a she.

Yeah, Milkman doesn't know about that.

Well, the penis is inside, I think, if I know that one.

Oh, no, Ben, one day he'll learn.

He'll have a real girlfriend.

All right, we're calling another Pink.

Pink.

Oh, Pink, Pink, Pink.

J-Pink.

You can take this one, if you want.

Yeah.

Good.

Welcome to BT Answer 1571.

Cheat.

The person you're calling is not available.

Please leave a message.

Shut up.

All right, I got a D-Pink here.

Let me paste that there so you've got the address in case they ask you.

I like saying I'm a neighbor

because then they

Yeah, a little more open

Yeah, exactly, yeah

Even if you just say the name of the street

they're kind of like, oh, okay

Yeah, because they kind of relate to you

Hello, Mrs. Pink

Hello, yeah

Hello

Good morning

Yeah, are you awake?

I'm not speaking

Mr. Stewart

Is Mr. Pink there?

Hello

Good morning, Mr. Pink

It's Mr. Stewart

How are you?

Mr. Stewart, who are you

and where are you calling from?

Yeah, I'm from number 27 Road.

Okay.

Yeah, excellent. I'm your neighbor. I live very close to you.

And I would like to discuss this morning some things with you.

Like what?

Like the level of noise that you were making yesterday and the horse that you brought into your garden recently.

Is this a joke, is it?

Absolutely not. Why would I be calling at this time of the morning if it was a joke?

Why are you calling at this time of the morning?

Because it was this time of the morning last night when you woke me up.

So I'm trying to talk to you now as a sensible person would before I go to work so that we can, you know, get this out of the way and dealt with.

So what do you want to tell me about?

So there was a horse brought into your garden yesterday.

A lot of noise was being made at that hour.

I don't know if it was some sort of gypsy horse or whatever it was, you know, just a horse.

And I'm very, very angry about the amount of noise that you were making.

You understand?

Anything else you'd like to tell me?

Yeah, I'd like to understand why this happened

and what kind of things you were trying to do there

and just, you know, is it going to happen again?

Am I going to be looking at horses in the morning or what?

Okay, so do you want to give me your number

so I can call you back at a sensible hour?

Yeah, yeah, fine.

Well, I'm going to be at work today.

That's why I called you before work, but it's 929-173.

929-173, that's not a good enough number.

That's got a number missing.

What do you mean, 929-173?

Yeah, that is not a telephone number.

Of course it's a bloody telephone number, you idiot.

It's my number.

No, it's not.

Yes, it bloody is.

It's missing a digit.

How can it be missing a digit?

It's got the same area code.

It's got the same everything.

It's 929-173.

What's the area code?

01617.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Right.

Now, let's discuss this then.

You live at number 27.

You live at number 27, right?

That's absolutely correct, yes.

Aha, okay.

And who's your other neighbor then?

Which one?

To the left or to the right?

Your neighbor's other neighbor.

That would be Mr. Johnny Ridgeway on the left,

and I'm not sure who lives on the right.

You don't know who lives, okay.

No.

I know you live, I know where you live,

and I know that you...

Okay, so what number do I live on?

You were trying to do something with a horse

yesterday morning at this hour.

And what number do I live?

You live at number 32.

Aha, and I'm your neighbor.

Yeah, you're my neighbor.

I don't know why you're my neighbor because I don't like people who try to do things with horses at this hour of the morning

But you are indeed my neighbor. Okay, how can I be your neighbor if I live at 32 and you live at 27?

Because you're still on my street

You understand?

Normal hours a day. I'm afraid I'm afraid. I'm afraid you have blown that opportunity when you blew the horse yesterday

the day you understand if you call yeah you're obviously deranged and i'm deranged i'm not the

one who put a bloody horse in my garden at five o'clock in the morning trying to inseminate it

with my own you know manly seed yeah that was you you did that yeah okay yeah i hope i woke you you

bastard you if you call me again i will report you i'm going to report you for trying to inseminate

a gypsy horse.

Yes.

You understand what I'm saying?

Be clearly off your mind.

There will be a fleet.

There will be a fleet

of gypsy horses

lined up outside your house

asking you why you did this.

Tell me again.

Pink.

What were you trying to do

with that horse?

Huh?

Make a pony.

You can all get in there

for a while.

That's good.

All right, call him back.

I'm just going to turn the heat on.

Yeah, bloody,

I told you I'd call you back.

I'm sorry.

I didn't catch you

since you were stepping.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

Sorry, I let the cat out, and I put the heater on.

Sorry.

I came back, and he heard my voice.

Darn it.

I'll try him again.

It doesn't work.

This is Mr. Stewart from the horse insemination.

Hello.

He's not there.

Oh, boy.

Horse insemination.

What the hell?

Man, we've got a thing with horses on this show lately.

I don't know what it is.

It's funny how it started by listening to prank calls that you had done like two years before,

and you hadn't even been on the air for like two years at that point.

Right.

And exactly a year ago, we got on the subject of horses really late during a Thanksgiving show.

And then here we are horsing around about one show all night, and here we are.

It's stuck.

Everyone, like someone made a horse image, like a picture of a horse, weird fucking looking horse thing for the podcast.

I use it as the picture for the last episode, and it's pretty funny.

It's in the forums, which everyone should be at, damn yous, Madhouse Live forums.

The one in your Skype picture

The guy with the

What's on his head

No no it's completely different

No it's a different one

If you go to the forums and you get a chance

After work or whatever

There's a thread in there

He said he made an album art

For the Thanksgiving 2011 show

And it's funny looking

I don't know

I said if we ever make it on this show

I'll release a cologne scent

A line of colognes

And the first one will be called Horse

horse i think so you could smell like a horse or something i don't know i thought i thought it was

funny i liked it i thought it was a good joke made me laugh there you go i think when we first

did that when i when i like started calling people and doing the horse thing um it was it didn't

really work but it was getting the right kind of people on the phone like these stupid indians they

got so angry like um they don't understand what tourette's syndrome is so you can call them up

and just be like oh pony pony and they'll be like sorry who is the tony you know who's tony

exactly yeah well i thought it was just an insult to indians to call them a horse i thought that's

when you call them like a donkey or a horse i thought you can do that yeah we'll insult them

whatever you say to them you could call them a marshmallow and they'll get excited well didn't

didn't you say that they get offended if you call if you say chair because you see isn't an insult

i think you and maybe ted said that once like no somebody called me a chair because he couldn't

think of any cuss words and he was like oh you you chair you smell of oranges and then he started

started cursing me with all this this random nonsense it was it was pretty weird smell of

oranges okay yeah he couldn't come up with anything and he was just you know he picked

random things that he was looking at yeah when you think about it it's pretty bad if you're a

chair i mean people sitting on you and fart on you and that's not good so yeah i don't think

people will put that you know together i don't think i'll understand that yeah but still hey

you know yeah uh there we go there we go here we are all right uh let me uh look at see uh

Nunu wants me or you or whoever

when we do some more pranks tonight

to the UK to call on

behalf of the Santa administration

checking to see if they've been good or bad

this year.

That's more my line

probably. He says to ask if they

plead not guilty or not guilty.

That's good. We got another

Jim here from Jaime.

Do you have any Indian people?

Probably. Or Bangladeshi or any

Indian restaurant or something.

We have a Turkish restaurant.

That's promising.

That's pretty much out there.

Vietnamese.

We can try this Turkish one.

Yeah, let's try it.

I mean, I only know one Turkish swear word, so I want to see if I can get it out of them.

Yeah, there you go.

Well, they're all on the same lines.

They're very big enemies of the Greeks, Jen.

Is that right?

Oh, yeah.

Well, they're right next to each other.

Yeah, the Turks, they're hated.

They came in and they raped the women.

and conquer is that right oh yeah they got a bad history to this day they still don't get along

i didn't know that let's ask him about that yeah i can get back to the right country united states

of america united kingdom united states okay turkish restaurant here we go hello hello yeah

this is mr stewart calling from the horse insemination program at ponies r us how are you

what the hello hello yeah who are you uh turkish kitchen yeah hi this is mr stewart i'm calling

from the horse insemination program of ponies are us my manager he's not here yeah i don't care

about him listen i do you speak turkish i do somebody from turkish restaurant your place

there they said to me something um they said what does that mean what they called me

why yeah i'm mr stewart from the horse insemination program of ponies are us

hold on just one second yeah hurry it hurry it hello hello yes yeah who's this this is mr stewart

from the horse insemination programmer ponies are us yeah ponies are us yeah we sell ponies listen

i came into your place the other day and somebody cursed at me they cursed at me in turkish do you

speak turkish yes i do yeah and they said to me hi one what does that mean oh that means well it's

It's still a bad thing. It means animal.

Oh, why would they call me an animal?

Who did? One of the employees?

No, I think it was just some person in the restaurant there.

I wouldn't know, man.

He was quite small and he had a tail.

I don't know what the...

He was just... He was really strange.

Horse?

Oh, I'm sorry about that.

Pony!

So why did that happen?

Why did that happen?

Why does something like this happen?

I don't know. What did you say?

Haiwan.

Why would somebody call me a haiwan?

Pony, pony.

You know, where I work, we inseminate ponies.

Inseminate what?

Ponies, ponies. You know pony?

It's like a horse. It's a small horse.

What?

I'm saying I'd like to bring one of the ponies to you and give it to you for free.

Okay.

But I'm going to give it to you anyway, so you might as well just take it, okay?

I want to...

Well, how about... Could I inseminate you with a pony semen?

Can I do that to you myself?

No, because I'm offering to do it to you.

Well, I've got quite a large dick.

You want that?

Man, what am I going to do with your dick?

See what I mean?

You know, that's just really, that's a bad insult.

I mean, I could have you help me inseminate the ponies here, but taking the dick in my mouth...

What do you do with all the other dicks you get?

Well, ask your mother how many dicks she gets, and that's about how many I get.

Well, why don't you ask yourself, you motherfucker?

You son of a bitch!

Well, if you're a man enough, why don't you come here and talk to me like that?

Listen, you high one, you!

Well, I got a high one dick, I can tell you that much.

You are a son of a bitch. Why would you, why would you swear at me like that?

Well, fuck you motherfucker, why don't I, why wouldn't I swear to you?

Obviously you are a shit. For a dick suck, come on over and I'll give it to you.

Well, you are such a coward, why would you-

I'll bring your mother, your sister, your wife, if you have one, and I'll fuck them all for you.

I only have ponies here.

Obviously you cannot fuck nobody, so why don't you bring them over, I'll fuck them for you.

Okay, I'll bring a pony to you, is that okay?

I'll bring your wife, that's better. I'll do it.

My wife is a pony.

I'll do her a favor.

My wife is a pony.

Is that okay for you?

Well, being your wife anyway, whatever it is, I fuck her.

Well, you must be, you must be a high...

Maybe she can at least suck my cock.

How about that?

I don't think she will.

I really don't...

Maybe you can help her.

I got a big one, you know.

Tell me about your wife.

It will be enough for two of you.

Or whether you have...

Do you have a sister?

Well, do you have a sister?

My sister's a whore.

My sister's a whore?

I fuck you too.

You see, I'm fucking in the ass.

I do it for you.

Listen, you are an absolute...

Well, fuck you, motherfucker.

I'm already recording you, and hopefully I'll find out who the fuck you are,

and I'll fuck you up real good, up in the ass and your face.

I would put you on a horse, and I would send you...

Why don't you come on over here?

I'm coming right now.

We have bulls.

Yeah, I do.

Obviously, you've got no bulls.

You can only hide behind a fucking phone and talk to me from a distance.

You have no bulls to come on over here.

I'm not going to slap you, do you understand?

Why don't you come on over here?

If you are a man, you sound like a man, but I don't think you are.

You don't think I am a man?

You are a faggot.

Let me come there, let me show you my cock.

You are a faggot.

No, yeah, let me show you my cock.

You got nothing to show, motherfucker.

I don't think you have any.

I'm not going to bitch you.

I'm sure you have a big ass.

I'm going to punch you in the mouth.

Well, why don't you come on over?

I fucked you with that big ass, motherfucker.

You fucked me, my big ass motherfucker?

What the hell are you doing?

I'll fuck your big ass.

I got a big dick.

You fuck my big arse, I've got a tiny arse. You'll never get me.

Now come on over. Bring whatever you got with you. I'll fuck you all.

You'll fuck my ponies?

I'll fuck you all. I'll fuck you all. I'll fuck them like a...

No, I'm a horseman.

I'm sure you're a...

No.

It's obvious you're a...

You like big cunt, don't you?

No.

Cunt.

Good, good.

I'll give it to you and your wife, your sister, your whole family.

You son of a bitch.

You can all fuck my cunt.

Why would you do that, man? You know, I'm trying to be...

Why wouldn't I do that, motherfucker?

What am I going to do with it?

I'm trying to be nice.

You know, I'll fuck people with that.

You fuck people with that?

Come on over, I'll fuck you too.

I think you should fuck yourself, you son of a bitch.

Well, I'll fuck you.

I'm trying to be nice to you, you know.

I called up and I was trying to be nice to you.

I'm sure you like to be fucked.

Don't be.

You're a whore.

You are calling people.

You are trying to find somebody to fuck you.

Come on over here, I'll fuck you.

I'm going to be out for an hour.

Everybody leaves here at 10 o'clock.

I'll fuck you.

What time is it now?

Well, it's almost 9.30. Come on over.

All right, I'll come back.

You're closing right now.

If I leave right now, I could be there for 10 o'clock.

You'll make it. You'll make it. Come on, man.

I'll wait for you. Don't worry.

Is there any space for me?

I'm waiting for you. I'm waiting for you.

Bring whatever you got there, okay?

Pony, pony, pony.

But don't forget your wife and your whole family.

Fuck them all.

Okay, brilliant. I'll bring everybody.

Bring everybody.

Okay.

Okay, bring everybody. I'll do a favor and fuck you all.

Okay, good. Fuck your mother, you son of a bitch.

That's especially you, okay? You're going to suck my cock first before I fuck you.

Okay, I'm really looking forward to it.

You're going to suck my dick for one hour.

You son of a bitch, you.

Then I will fuck you.

You son of a horse. You understand?

I'll be in your horse too. I fuck your horse too.

Excellent. That's exactly what I wanted to say.

I fuck horses.

As long as it's a hole, I'll fuck it.

You are a dick.

But I'll fuck you personally.

Maybe I'll have one of my guys fuck you while I fuck

That was a good case.

Right, and tell that bitch-

Well, fucking bastard.

Oh my god.

Wow.

What a freak.

Only you can do that, Gintle.

Why?

Wow.

What a bad slimeball you just ever did.

You guys are...

I hear in Berkeley, too, man.

I wish I could have gotten to see that guy's face.

Milkman, I'm telling you, if you want to get fucked, Milkman, he's your guy.

You should head over there.

Damn.

I got to be careful, man.

I don't want to drop the clown.

Jeez, he'll fuck you.

He'd sit in everybody.

I'd fuck your mother.

I'd fuck your whole family.

Fuck your horse, too.

Right, though.

Well, how funny is it that there's some Turkish restaurant owner cursing into the phone like that somewhere in his shop, in the back of it?

You know, he removed himself from the customers, and he's in the back room.

Oh, fuck you, fuck your mother, fuck you, you know?

Can you imagine his co-workers are...

I heard about that.

There's a real Turkish restaurant, man.

You'll have to give me the address, man, because...

Well, you got to go, man.

I told you.

You should go there now and ask them...

I heard they sell real Turkish coffee there, man, but I don't know.

No, I've got to be going there dressed like a horse.

I dare you.

If I ask for cream, I think I'll be in trouble.

Oh, man.

Oh, wow.

Call him back.

I've got an idea.

I'll call him back.

You need to get it.

I'm saving that number.

That might be a new regular here.

And then, wow.

And then we've got to try to get his name at some point here, too.

Here we go.

He was the owner?

He had to have been.

I'm guessing he was.

I don't know.

If it's got a hole, he fucks it.

Hello?

Yeah, hi. I spoke to you a second ago.

Yeah, fuck you, motherfucker. What do you want now?

I can't make it.

Are you coming or not?

No, I can't make it tonight. Can I come tomorrow?

Well, you come any time you want, motherfucker. I'm ready here.

What's your name?

I'll fuck you any time.

What's your name?

My name is Stallion.

Stallion?

Yeah, you know the male horse, Stallion Dick?

Oh, yeah. I know.

That's what I am, motherfucker. You should know that.

You are a raised animal.

All right, let me ask you a question.

What kind of a stupid bitch bought her son a stallion?

I told you, I am a stud. Are you coming or not?

You said you were a stallion.

I am ready to fuck you.

I'm a stud, man. I fuck horses and they are owners.

Obviously, you have some horses.

I've got ponies.

Fuck you. You can have little babies, animals.

Obviously, you are not a human, right?

No, I'm a high one.

I'm sure you are a high one, motherfucker.

Ride on.

Whoever called you a high one, they were right on.

It was somebody in your restaurant.

I fuck animals.

I used to fuck donkeys in Turkey.

Bring all of your horses in your ass.

You are really fucked up.

All right.

So you're coming tomorrow, right?

You can't make it tonight.

Who do I ask for when I get there?

Your ass is fucking too much.

You can't make it tonight.

No, I've got...

If I fuck you in there, I'm sure you'll die.

That doesn't matter, right?

You'll go out...

What's your name?

I want to come there, but what's your name?

Well, come on over.

I am the only guy here.

You're the only guy there.

Do you have any customers at the moment?

Well, don't worry about it.

Just come on in here.

You will recognize him.

I have a ball with my big dick.

A ball in pen.

You will recognize my cock right away.

All right.

I'm waiting for you.

Looking for it.

All right.

You bust.

Wow.

I didn't see that number.

Elliot.

You're a crude-ass motherfucker.

I've saved him.

Jen, let me...

I'm pasting the number.

If you want to copy it down for your own use later on, you know.

I know.

Because you've got a rapport with him.

The Turkish kitchen.

That would have been quite friendly.

Oh, my God.

He invited him over, man.

He had a huge guy up.

Something about a bulging tent.

I didn't quite understand that.

Well, he said you'll know him.

He's got a big dick.

He's got the bulging tent in his pants.

Like the tent, you know what I mean?

Oh, I think that's a cunt.

No, he said the bulge in his pants.

He's got a tent.

Elliot, I got that part.

Elliot.

He said tent.

No, he's got a big package.

so you could see his gorilla parts, basically, is what he's saying.

He was like, I fucked donkeys back in Turkey.

Yeah, right.

What the fuck?

Well, we've outdone ourselves.

Then he fucked turkeys, though, back in Donkey.

That's right.

What happened in Donkey?

How did it go down there?

I just wanted to mention, we've hit an all-time high here on Madhouse Radio.

We peaked during the first call to that guy.

We peaked 135 listeners on Showcast combined.

Oh, my God.

Right?

Yeah.

Oh, my God, you guys are freaking blowing the record.

Yeah, I'm telling you.

Pretty good.

Thanks, everyone who's listening.

We appreciate you.

22 viewers of the video feed on livestream.

I'm presuming most of them are also listening, so I don't add those to the number.

But there might be one or two who are additionals, so I don't know.

But about 130-plus listeners tonight on Madhouse Radio.

We appreciate you all.

Thank you.

You're listening to us do our thing,

jim stewart holding it down with uh his new turkish friend his name is stallion the turkish

stallion you still good jim let me know if you gotta go i don't want you to get unfortunately

unfortunately that will have to be my last one oh oh my god he was on fire what a way to go what a

way to go jim thanks man you have a good weekend don't work too hard are you gonna do a um a special

show around the new year because i'll be available for that yeah yeah i'll be here uh well let me

a look at the calendar when is new year's what's what's our let me look what the holidays stack

look like here well the 29th could be a good day for uh that'll be the thursday the 29th for you

guys which will be the 30th for me yeah i'm happy to come on on that day okay like a special show

yeah i should be free as long as you want i should be free the 29th so that's perfect sounds

good we'll uh plan for it all right sounds good all right i'll make some calls in the meantime

and uh send them into you send them on the show sounds good jen all right man well thanks for

for being on bro take care god bless you it's good to be back yes sir thank you sir oh my god

my brother there you have it another groundbreaking amazing phenomenal show folks if you missed it

then you better get signed up with our podcast because your money has got some stuff waiting

for you all righty on right on all right so uh bye everyone see you jen all right so jen's out

milkman stays uh i'm gonna take a break after i do one prank call here real quick i'll do my own

i probably just gonna take a break i i'm just afraid the listeners numbers are gonna go down

who cares listeners go down you know you guys oh wow having a good time here did you get a chance

to check out that website i said to you about earlier yeah yeah i bookmarked it uh i've already

had it the my reference radio whatever reference radio yeah the my435.com yeah we're gonna we're

We're going to join sites together here soon, man.

I think it would be a good thing, man.

There's a lot of good listeners over there that definitely would like our stuff.

I'd like to get a ham radio license and take the test and all that stuff.

That would be kind of cool, too, to get that equipment.

I was looking into packet radio.

I think it would be kind of cool.

Oh, yeah, dude.

I could help you, man.

I used to teach people how to get their license, entry-level license.

I've got a program I can send you, two of them I can send you for your Android,

and you can study right on your Android, dude, and it's pretty well.

Well, I mean, if you can get through that, you can easily pass the test.

Plus, there's online tests you can take, too, online resources to check your skills out.

But, dude, you pass easily, man.

You're too smart.

You do it easily.

Sounds good.

Awesome.

Yeah.

I was looking at Packet Radio, internet over the radio.

I think it would be cool just in case there was a disaster or a storm or something like that to be able to help out.

You know, it would be kind of cool just to do ham radio.

Absolutely, dude.

You know, Packet Radio and amateur radio and all the digital modes came first.

You know, then everything else was copied from that.

Yep, yep.

So, anyway, folks, we're going to take a break here.

I've got to stretch my legs.

About five minutes of required break.

When we come back, we've got more prank calls to do.

We've got a ton of requests for pranks.

Numbers from Lonesome Loser, including some in the U.K.

We've got a Vietnamese place, two Vietnamese places.

A place called Dillon's Double Deuce, or Juche.

I don't know what that is.

Bento Teriyaki.

We've got a few more gems here that came in from Lonesome Loser, as well as from Jaime.

IG69 sent in some numbers

Gregulate sent in some numbers

Dirty Aaron sent in a number

We got a few more in there

I've got all those requests

I'll try to get to as many as I can tonight

But I'm not going to do a super late show

Because I'm tired

No dude don't burn yourself out man

You had a rough week man

But dude you know

Whatever you think you can get to

I know we'll all appreciate it

We're very thankful that you took the time to come on

Especially that super treat with Jen Stewart dude

This is like an awesome show man

Sounds good yeah we're having a good

at least the first half of the show is good

we're rocking, but keep the requests

coming in, I'm sure more will come in throughout

the night, and if you guys motivate me, I'll stay on

until 3 in the morning again, fuck, you know

my eye will dread it in the morning, but we'll do it

I got nothing to do tomorrow, except for play

and I'm going to play Skyrim, see how that game

goes, anyway, so when we come back

we're going to take about a 5 minute break, when we come back

more prank calls and your requests here on Madhouse Radio

be sure to visit

madhouselive.com, join the chat room

if you're not in there now

uh i know there isn't 130 people in the chat room i know that much a lot of lurkers out there if you

feel like it feel free to join us we'd love to have you there um all our yeah our normal crew

if you guys want to call in ig69 uk ted all you guys uh i didn't have you on during the first

half i'm sorry uh i was trying to clear things but uh yeah milkman uh you're going to be here

of course you're the number two guy and then a few you guys want to join in uh that'd be cool

Cool, too.

And, yeah, big fan.

Awesome show, dude.

I'm so fucking hyped right now, man.

Thanks.

Well, me too.

All right, we'll be right back.

535.

We're about to make a thought.

Oh, we've got to call back the horse in Australia.

Back in about five minutes.

All right.

Back right after this.

Don't tell me 40,000 people are coming in.

I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trap door at the bottom.

So when you die, you open a trapdoor at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

Watch who is this.

All right, everybody, Madhouse Radio.

Welcome back.

Sorry about the trouble there with the audio.

I was trying to fix the video, and the audio got messed up, and it got loud.

I apologize

If you listen to that Jerky Boys podcast

That's been out recently

One of the recent episodes

Went into detail about

The prank call that that comes from

The saw falling down

Chainsaw prank call

That one right there

It's pretty good

Heart of the city

There's the love

Skype mess up

Or Milkman not talking

What's going on Milkman

Milkman you there

Hang up call Milkman back

Well anywho

MadhouseLive.com is the website

side i hope you all are paying attention tonight and over there and doing your thing most of you

are if you want to send me a request you can you still have time to do so the second half of the

show aol and yahoo instant messenger madhouse radio again madhouse radio on aol and yahoo

instant messenger msn messenger madhouse at live.com add us uh madhouse on twitter search

for madhouse live on facebook friend us there and yeah let me try to get milkman back on the

line here oh ig69 was calling and oops i missed you ig call back hello hello hey man hey man

how you doing not bad let me get milkman on hang on how's your week been good good for you

you can enjoy the following music while your party is being read

no call back no worries anybody else on skype wants to join us madhouse.radio on skype is it

it is it madhouse.radio or madhouse.live i always forget you look you can see it radio

radio madhouse.radio yeah madhouse.radio on big skype if you want to hook up your skype thing with

us big ken and what's going on what the problem is no problem sir no problem officer okay well

let's continue on here with some more prank calls like i said if you want to join us on skype you

can do so hopefully milkman will join us here shortly all right all right so ig69 you've sent

sent in one or two requests for pranks.

Do you want to share any light on these?

What do you got here?

Your cousin?

Uh, no.

Oh.

Oh, me cuz.

My computer keeps disconnecting from the stream.

Oh, okay.

I'm sorry.

I'm not...

I saw cuz.

Okay.

The first one is a...

is a English gay line or help line or whatever.

Ooh.

And I was thinking maybe you could call it

just saying, like,

could you pay two lesbians to get together

or something like that.

Okay.

The way it works is it just connects to, like,

random people's houses, so...

okay so we had didn't we have one of these recently where it was like a drug helpline

or something yeah it was like alcohol alcohol yeah that was kind of weird with the guy so this

is the same thing but uh for gays yeah all right cool got that there yeah i thought you liked that

one big ken can you ever use the sauna in a gym i mean isn't it pretty much known or you got you

know i don't know i heard there's a lot of foot tampons kind of the signal yeah that's okay

I'm not saying that's a bad thing

I'm just pointing it out

They need to clean up shop there

If you listen to that music when you're on hold

You can't go ahead and deny that that isn't going on

There's some foot tapping over there

Ted Webb's on the line

Hey big Ted Webb

How are you?

I'm good

I'll ask you a bunch of questions

And I'll answer them immediately

I want to speak to your mother

Who is your daddy?

Talk to me about the house please

Who is your daddy

and what does he do?

Stop it!

I saw that movie in the theater.

I can't believe I did.

I was like eight years old, I think.

Hey, how does my mic sound?

I just took it out of the packaging.

It sounds good.

Good mic.

Pretty good, man.

Yeah.

I personally think you should throw it against the wall.

Oh, that's what happened to the other one.

Make it sound shitty.

All righty.

What else we got here?

Gregula sent in a number for TGI Fridays in Orlando.

I don't know if I've been there before.

The manager's name, Maynard.

but we call him Maynard Kruger.

He gets annoyed easily

and thinks he's a tough guy.

Is that the TGI Fridays by the airport?

Because I've been drunk there a few times.

Last time I was there was with my dad.

We both got really drunk

and ended up having to sober up in the parking lot.

Great bonding experience.

I never drank with my dad before.

I picked him up from the airport.

He was in Puerto Rico.

And he said,

do you want to stop for a few beers?

I was like, yeah, sure.

Why not, Dad?

Why not?

And we proceeded to get drunk.

It was fun.

Good times.

it's a different thing

like when you get to the point where you're drinking with your

with your dad

it's cool when you made it

when you're that old that you can actually have a beer with your dad

it's a cool feeling

Tabachi, it's on the line, hey big Tabachi

yo, yo, you rock man

thanks for doing the show tonight

you rock also

Tabachi, your middle name is Rock

yes, go ahead

are you playing Star Trek Online anymore?

uh, you know, I cancelled my account on Monday

I went in there

and I heard about the changes

and I went in and I saw the lithium

and this and that and respect

my character and I was like, ah,

cancel. I've gotten to the 13th

or the 15th. Why? Were you planning on doing

something? No, I was thinking about

starting to play again because you said you play

and they had released all this new

content, so I was just wondering. Yeah.

Well, it's good. You get bored of it?

Well, yeah. I hadn't played in about

two weeks and then, you know,

it's like they made the changes and it looked

a little too confusing and I said well I'm gonna

I can only spend so much since I'm not

working I can't ask my wife who's the only one

working right now to pay for so much

and I wanted the Gamefly account really bad

so I'm trading one for the other

but it's

gonna be free to play I think by the end of the

month anyway there's gonna be a free to play segment

so I'll join the free to play

play that yeah let me know

yeah yeah they're going to

a free to play model so like you can still

subscribe and you're better off

you know you buy your cryptic points

but I went in there just to see the changes

and I mean they look like they're

for the best but it looks like it's a lot of work

and I was like well we'll just do the

Gamefly thing for now and then

I was planning on doing the new Star Wars game

but I saw a video of that today

and I was like eww

I was like there's

19 planets I guess and one of the missions

they were showing one of the missions like a space

you know mission and it was like a Star Fox

thing like you couldn't

control your ship 360

360, you were on rails

shooting, and I was like, that's not what I

want to do. I don't want to do

that. I'm used to Star Trek

Online and EVE Online. You're in a spaceship,

you're flying around like a motherfucker.

Big changes to EVE Online, too, this week, also,

from what I understand. Big update.

I keep getting emails from them

asking me to come back. They won't stop.

I've got like three this week from them already.

I think today I got one that was

60 days for 15 bucks.

1999.

yeah I saw that

not much of a savings a little bit a few bucks

not a big deal

yeah I tried to get into EVE but

I feel like everybody who's playing it

is already super powerful

and it would take me forever to get to where they're at

yeah you don't get a lot of help

in EVE Online

that Dust 515

or whatever

it's about to come out any day now too

that's the Playstation 3 game

that takes place in the EVE

Online universe

universe so actual eve online players will request a mission from players who are in the ps3 game

and it's a it's like a ground combat and you know in the future kind of game and so you know they

select the mission they post it and then you know a player on the ps3 will fulfill that mission and

then it's kind of like a back and forth thing it's kind of it sounds like a cool concept i don't know

know if it's gonna work it's crazy yeah it sounds pretty wicked sounds wicked dust something dust

514 i don't know sandusky named in honor of sandusky i guess all right nice uh music there

in the background thank you man this is in honor of our turkish friend tonight who likes to fuck

um horses sisters no mothers sisters wives and horses you fuck anything man watch out

I think Nunu is a little rangry.

He gets like that.

He gets a little, look, yeah, I see Nunu.

This is a prank call show, not a homosexual games convention.

Tell me about it.

Look at that.

Everybody's green but me.

You know, he goes on his little fits.

Oh, yeah, he's just, I don't know.

I can make you green.

I'll make you green real quick, yeah?

He did that same thing on Thanksgiving, that dirty, dirty son of a bitch.

Look, this is total bullshit.

Like, the instructions for this headset are not for this headset.

said it's like talking about an inline volume control and microphone mute button but this

model doesn't have it oh boy really what the fuck what is it a skype headphone specific or what did

you get no it's a plantronics usb cool gun news i've been using the same headphones like for

wow since the show started you can't you can't beat these sony studio phones the

$20 ones great great stuff i've bought other ones and i've always we're going right back to this

one anyway blah blah blah let's go blah blah blah blah blue okay so i was talking ig69 sent

this request gregulite sent in the uh tgf fridays that reminded me of the one i got drunk with my

dad once we got a 24-hour fitness here oh yeah yeah you guys want to call 24-hour fitnesses

i don't know unless jack masterson looking to get in shape he needs to man he needs to get in

in shape because... He needs to play

street hockey next season. Wow, that's pretty

specific. Yeah, he can take you on.

Let's see what RBCP sent in.

Egg. Huarco. Cochino.

Oh, my ale. After that

part, I need to check in with the Toys R Us girl

and make sure you didn't scar her for life.

Yeah, I forgot about that show until I edited

that prank until I edited

last night. I listened to it

a few times. It's pretty funny. Carlito's

going to touch the horse and then return it after

15 minutes. Well, I kind of

like it. He's going to be stained.

It's like glue.

Hoss.

See, it's going to be like glue.

Why would you put glue on it?

Well, it's not glue.

What is it?

Manju's.

You're disgusting.

She had no idea what was going on.

She's a little ditzy.

She sounded like a little cutie ditzy girl.

You know.

We all know them.

Anyway, RBCB sent in a number for a lady named Isha,

and she ended up with Samantha's old cell phone number,

so we've been calling Isha and demanding to talk to Samantha

or demanding that she figure out who Samantha's new phone number is.

It'd be best if you could not call from a Skype number

Because I think she's starting to ignore numbers from Skype

Okay, cool, we can call from the old googly voice

This is good stuff, man

I haven't heard these

This is from the

I didn't hear

I fell asleep like right at the beginning of the last prank show

I listened to it in my sleep

I couldn't stay up

I just was way too tired

Yeah, so it's in there in my subconscious somewhere

You know, I probably dreamt about me and RBCP holding hands doing a show

That's gay

You can hold hands with a man

It's okay

What's wrong with you Ted

I know I'm such a hater

What would KDK used to call us

If he said anything like that

Negative little bitch

I'm going to play his laugh now

I promised him I wouldn't play anymore

I did I just don't feel like getting it right

You know we missed UK Ted tonight

He was trying to call before

He was here earlier

Yeah

Probably had to go

He got upset

Because I wasn't answering

Uh

Isha

Aisha

Girl you know

I want you so bad

Was that that kid rap group

Yeah

What was it

ABC

You have reached

The voicemail box

Of

Whoever's doing that

I used to do that

When I worked at a call center

And I spent a whole week

Where I would play

The um

The rubber band

During my calls

To people who were annoying

Like it was in your

I don't know why I just mentioned that

But it was fun

I got drunk on Goldschlager once

During my lunch break and I came back

And I thought it would be a great idea

Goldschlager

Oh god you get sick on that you'll never want to drink it again

I can't chew cinnamon chewing gum anymore

Because of that shit

That's the alcohol with the little bits of gold in it

Yeah the gold flakes

It's got bling

It's got the bling bling

Alright

All right, IG69, your idea, your bright idea was the gay line.

Ask him about the whole gym thing, you know?

What is that a picture of in your Skype profile?

Even Blackout was asking me that on Sunday.

I don't know if you heard I was on Blackout's show.

But, yeah, it's...

He's on the air again?

Yeah, he's... for now, you know.

Look, it's a black... yeah, it's the picture.

I'll answer your question first.

Google Maps, the Google Street View.

there's a group of people in europe who chase it they follow it and they get in the they get their

themselves with a horse head in the pictures oh there's all there's it's all over the place yeah

there's a few of them blackout pointing out that's a few of them he showed me he's like there's a few

if you look it's different people you can tell by their their bellies like one of them is fat one

of them isn't fat but uh yeah blackout's back and like he was doing his show and he's sitting there

he's smoking pot on the air in this video and he's like he's being quiet and talking about the

world and he wants to do prank calls but he's not doing them he's like talking about it but not

doing it and i told nunu hey i'm gonna call him and get blackout motivated watch me do this and

i called him and i got him motivated he actually did a good prank call i was like you see i was

like you see if you just kick him in the ass he'll do it he can do it he still has it but

like guy just do the pranks don't just sit there and he just

hymns and haws and he's like you know i want to talk about he's but he's telling me like to get

him to do it i had to embellish him a little bit and he's telling me what he wants to do he's like

you know he's he's asking me like how do you get your shoutcast to work and i told him i'll help

you out i'll teach you how it's like yeah because i don't want to do just shoutcast i want to do

videos and i'm gonna have like a saturday night live thing i'm like yeah whatever man yeah sure

just he tries to phone he just yeah just pick up he just tries to make him more and here i am

talking phone calling l l g s our helpline for the lgbt community look a bit the helpline is now

closed what but it's open from 10 a.m to 11 you fags on Rachel tomorrow 24 hours that's horrible

I could be a fag in this dress.

A fag in this dress.

I wasn't going to say fag until Ted opened it up first.

Hey, fuck it!

No, I'm saying it now.

That's like our Saturday show.

Tabachi, thanks for sending me a copy of that.

Wow.

No problem, bro.

Jeez.

Ted, you wouldn't like that show.

It was bad.

Racist, bad show.

I said the N-N-word joke, and it just went from there.

And what's the N-N-word?

The N-word.

well i called the we called a place and the thing was from we someone said carlito just insult them

so they put you through to their fake little we're tracing you recorded message that was the game

so my thing was to say oh yeah the jaw saw i heard the jaw saws for what i say immigrants and n words

and everyone was like what the hell like where'd carlito come up with that and i said i'm sorry

and then i said then someone else said an n word joke and someone else said an n word joke and

we're all laughing

and then the next thing you know we're calling everywhere about

n-words

I was actually listening to that

while I was commuting and I had to pull over

because I was laughing so hard

but it's not

I don't know

did you hear last Thursday's show

that was insane

yeah that was terrible

wait a minute we weren't on last Thursday

dirty son of a bitch

no one did a show right

I did it with Tuck

it was really low

You did a show with Talk?

Yeah.

Did you?

I want to hear this.

I think I have it recorded.

Really?

I think it should be, if you call it something, it should be called The Sad House.

It's terrible.

I didn't know you guys did a show.

No, I had no idea.

It was like a call every 30 minutes.

No, we called a lot of numbers, but nobody picked up.

Oh, poor guys.

So what, Tabachi?

I was in the chat room, kept sending in his number, and I told him I had two bucks of credit.

I couldn't just call him.

So who kicked the stream?

I'm guessing it was just Cacti Radio.

radio tabachi do you facilitate that i'm guessing for him or no no no okay oh i think tuck has

credentials to do it i think he's got cacti control yeah i think he's got the command codes

yeah number one oh well i didn't know i had no idea i would have tuned in i don't know what i

was still in a haze at that point i wish i could you know i don't know if i get the camera right

now that i got a fix to show you how my eye isn't nasty anymore though but up until a few days ago

it looked bad it was all red and shit how did your uh convalescence with lying on your face go

you missed at the beginning of the show but it was i i kept myself entertained i had my android phone

and i had plenty of netflix watched a lot of star trek a lot of documentaries about everything about

i could tell you about lots of right now um watched a little breaking bad uh watched a lot

of no no porn i'm afraid to put the porn on the on the android because i'm afraid my wife's gonna

gonna want to borrow the phone and go in there and be like where are you looking at this i look

at something on there she likes i look at some she knows i look at porn you know but whatever

never been that big in porn anyway like every once in a while but it's just like oh god i've

got a good rolodex built up i don't need it you know so i'm gonna do that get down watch a little

furry porn yeah well you know you got you know all guys have a rolodex you know old women you've

been with old experiences and go back and relive them i prefer that keep it real all right let's

go ahead and do this uh before i get back to lonesome losers in numbers he's sending in quite

a few of them we're going to get to those lonesome fear not i'm just trying to knock out these

requested pranks before they get stale because they do get stale so to say if any of you want

to jump into the prank call it feel free to this is a 24-hour uh fitness with the sauna anybody

Anybody want it?

If not, I'll take it.

Ted?

No?

Anybody?

Yeah, I'll go for it.

Cool.

Yep.

Holla.

Holla to play.

Portland, Oregon.

Holla at your boy.

Thank you for calling 24-Hour Fitness.

With more than 400 locations open up to 24 hours, state-of-the-art equipment, and more

than 3,000 certified personal trainers on staff, we've cleared a path straight to your

fitness goals.

It's time to get results on your terms.

If you know you're part of Extension, you may dial it at any time.

Get results on your terms?

For new membership information, check one.

Shit.

For club address and directions, press B.

24-hour fitness, how can I help you?

Hello?

Hi, I'm a member there.

My name is Jack.

Okay.

And I was using the treadmills last week.

Mm-hmm.

And every time I went to one of the treadmills,

there was a copy of Dianetics sitting right on the ledge

where you put your cup holder there.

Mm-hmm.

And so I was like, oh, my God, somebody's using this treadmill,

so I better move on to the next one.

And when I got to the next one, there was another copy of Dianetics.

And as a matter of fact, every single treadmill, elliptical trainer, and bicycle had a copy of Dianetics on it.

Is the owner there like a Scientologist or something in trying to convert us?

I don't know.

What do you mean you don't know?

You either know or you don't.

I don't.

I'm assuming not.

You're assuming not.

I would not know, sir.

I'm just subbing at this club for tonight.

I'm usually not at this location.

So if you want somebody to answer that, you can call back during the day.

Okay.

I spoke with a trainer there.

His name was Xenu.

Is he there tonight?

He is not, no.

No?

Is he traveling throughout the universe helping other people reach their fitness goals?

Maybe.

How about you?

Has he helped you reach any fitness goals?

No.

No?

Are you kind of flabby or are you pretty buff?

Super.

Oh, geez.

Hey, Milkman.

Do you want me to call you back later then?

And you call me when you're ready, okay?

All right, well, I'll call you back on the Skype.

Is Milkman playing with himself again?

Nah, he's got a customer, and he's got to keep it on mute, so, you know.

He's got a costume.

Customer.

Hey, I got to jet out of here, but I just wanted to say it's awesome to hear from you

again here on the show, Carly Doe.

What are you going to do in the following music class?

Hey, maybe next week, since you're in the area, you can sit in on the show now that

things are coming down.

Yeah, give me a call over the weekend or something,

and we'll figure it out next week or the week after.

All right, man.

Well, thanks.

See you later.

All right.

All right, Milkman.

We're here.

Ted's on the line.

Ken and IG69, all right?

All right, man.

I've got to cut.

I'm going to mute, brother.

All right.

Jump in when you're back, when you can.

All right.

Work those Scientology muscles, says MSG3 Clay.

I don't know why it was on the Scientology kick.

I watched a bunch of YouTube stuff on it today.

Yeah.

What's your e-meter reading?

i don't know man i wish i could just figure out what the hell tom cruise is talking about in his

in his video he's just it's got them it's weird because it's like the music from um it's just the

the beat the little from uh mission impossible it keeps going over and over again like i guess

he licensed it like or whatever but they're like tom cruise he's an amazing scientologist and he's

He's going to explain why he's so amazing.

But nothing makes sense.

Let me see if I can find some audio of that.

My soul catcher is plugged up.

Wouldn't it be weird if Scientology was actually real?

If you watch the latest Beavis and Butthead, if nobody understands it, it's not true.

Really?

And you don't have to learn it.

I haven't seen the, I've only seen an episode and a half of the new Beavis and Butthead,

but I'm going to watch them, but it's going to be a thing where I watch them all in one day.

Oh, it was hilarious.

it was on uh evolution and there was a whole group outside of this school saying uh you know

if it doesn't make sense it's not true and so beeps and bite are like oh well if it's not if

we don't understand it we don't have to learn it that's cool so they go around to all their classes

like i just don't understand it so they fucking walk out of all their classes nice that says their

cop out that's cool so i'm really glad that that's back and i understand it's doing pretty good

ratings wise and stuff you know so it's sticking from what i understand i don't know

I just figured I want to play Skyrim

tonight but I just realized I'm going to end the show

I'm going to put the disc in the PS3

and it's going to be like 45 minutes while

it installs and updates and all this

shit you know what happened to the days where you

could just get your game and you sat

down and you played it even on the first Playstation

the second one you just put the disc

in turn it on it started up

it read you played

not anymore

the discs are like 50 gigabytes

and the stupid Playstation has to download

the entire goddamn thing

because because they release the games not even finished i that's that's been like that for a long

time even you know yeah you know the developers ea is really big on that they release like

unfinished games broken games you know it's not even worth it getting a game when it comes out

especially for the pc you gotta wait for like the first two or three patches to come out if not

you're gonna be like what you're gonna throw your computer through the fucking window playstation

that was the easy days man i remember when i had the sega 64 bit i just want to smash that

That damn thing, it never worked.

Sega.

Sega 64-bit.

The adapter you used to be able to put in there,

and the thing never made contact, never worked.

Oh, the 32X?

I missed my Dreamcast.

Yeah, there you go, 32.

That was such...

No offense, there's a lot of Sega fans,

and there were a lot of good Sega games.

I respect Sonic, but I was a Nintendo guy

during up to the 16-bit wars, all through it.

uh because and i don't know how you can you can and even now i will you can put a a 16-bit game

a super nintendo version and a genesis version of the games together and the genesis one looks

like shit to me the graphics are darker there's not as many colors it had less of a color palette

and the sound is a lot worse too it had crappy sound on it and i don't know why people always

say sega was better all i had was a better ai it was good for sports games that was it as far as

was i concerned i don't know and how were the games better for genesis anyway were they really

better for genesis i didn't think they were i thought nintendo had all the good games i thought

final fantasy i had both um systems oh mr moneybags no one was my brothers and one was mine

oh okay that's cool yeah but we we did play all the sports games on genesis because it had better

ai and the sports games were better for genesis it did have the better madden i mean they always

came out but you know the the if you played the sports game on super nintendo the computer was

you know like you know it's kind of stupid but um the graphics way better and not way

pretty the colors and everything were it had more colors it had like something in the thousands of

colors that it could use in the screen and i think sig only had like 256 uh i want to kill the ai

ai on my nintendo wii oh god you bought into that thing it's fucking like it becomes impossible at

the higher levels like um i like the wii sports uh resort and like you you can um you do like

these sword battles or whatever right on these platforms and once you get up to a certain level

the freaking ai is like impossible to beat you're like flailing your arms all around the living room

like a freaking tard and he's still losing yeah see i just i don't i mean love nintendo but i

don't see the i don't i don't see me enjoying a game where i'm so physical and doing all this oh

god i just yeah anyway i like the bow and arrow thing though it's like i think it was like pretty

creative where it's like you have two controllers yeah you have the wiimote and then you have like

the what the hell you call it it's like a little joystick thingy that has a shape a good shape for

grabbing onto and it's sort of like you

pull them apart from each other

like the two remotes and it

does like the action of pulling back

the bow. You pull the arrow, okay, on the quiver

and so what do you just let it go in the drops

of the ground then? No, no, you like

you pull it back, you pull the two

remotes away from each other and you press the button

on one of the remotes

to release it. And it's like firing the arrow.

Cool. Pretty cool. That's cool.

Sounds good. Yeah.

You should get that new Zelda game. I heard good things.

There you go. Alright, let's

uh listen to some tom cruise audio here see what i was talking about previously on this man was

elected president of the military use are utter bad that's a spoof can't find anything serious

on youtube when you need it uh maybe if i went into my history here i could find it i watched

it today just this weird video tom cruise explaining it here we go found it but if that's

what mr cruise has brought to this world there still remains one more word on the man call it

Tom Cruise on Tom Cruise Scientologist.

I think it's a privilege to call yourself a Scientologist, and it's something that you

have to earn, and because a Scientologist does, she has the ability to create new and

better realities and improve conditions.

Being a Scientologist, you look at someone and you know absolutely that you can help

them.

So for me, it really is KSW, and it's just like, it's something that, I don't mince words

words with that with anything rich does but that policy to me has really gone and i ran out by this

time i went through and said you know what i read it i you know i just went this is it she's not

making any fucking sense i know he's just saying and i read it and like what the fuck are you

talking about man i'm fucking babbling he's not saying anything it's nine minutes of that i won't

i won't subject you guys to that i could pop right in the middle and it will make even just as much

sense he's just it makes no sense i don't know it's like all his interviews any interview with

the guy is like that he just it goes around and around in circles and and you can ask him a

question he's like he laughs like towards the end he's like laughing like a maniac i'll play

from the middle here real quick you just i have to do something that's not you know you can sit

here and wish it was different and then you look at it you go okay this is it all right okay and

there's that moment where you go you know i have to do something don't i yeah i really have to do

it because i can't live with myself if i don't and it's and that really is it i don't care if

If someone thinks it's hard or easy, it's either helping, attributing everything you can, or not.

Because I'm carrying my load, alright?

And only that, as much as I'm carrying, I still feel like I gotta do more, alright?

There's still a thing of, let's go.

You can just see the look in their eyes.

See what in their eyes?

That they have money in their pockets that they need to give to the Church of Scientology?

Oh, God. I don't know what it is about it.

It just touches these people.

Yeah, he touches them.

He touches them in the eyes.

When I was in Orlando, we'd go to Clearwater to go to the beach there,

and we'd go to the downtown, you know, have lunch or dinner or something,

and they'd come up to us and be like,

yeah, we want to tell you about Scientology, you know.

We want to find out about this and that.

We're like, what?

You have to.

I love Clearwater.

It's so beautiful.

It is a beautiful beach.

I used to go to Clearwater all the time for vacation.

I love Clearwater.

It's nice out there.

But that's my favorite

My favorite beaches in all of Florida

Are on the west coast

Way better than that

Hey, what's up, Naga?

What's up?

What's up, Naga?

What up, though?

What up?

Hold on, let me get Bubba on the phone

Bubba, are you on the air?

Yeah, man, what up?

What's up?

Yeah, this is Bubba Johnson

Okay, what's up, man?

Yo, I'm just kicking it in the crib

Listening to Madhouse

Okay

Yeah, what you doing?

I want to make some requests

Okay, what's up?

What's up on the air?

I want to hear

Funky Cole Medina

Okay cool

Let me see if I can

Put it on the bit

Alright

I'd also plug

HiBuddies.com

I forgot I was even

Doing that

That was a prank call

That was an old school

Rap hip hop station

Somewhere

At Kokanee Center

Funky

Funky Cole Medina

Love that song man

That's awesome

That's actually

A fucking awesome song

It is man

Hell yeah

Tone Loke man

Is that

Is that about like

Slippin' Broads of Rubies or something?

What is that about?

What is fucking Cool Medina about anyway, right?

It's about drinking drink

and they fuck.

Fuck your drink, yeah.

Is it? Nice.

You know, the spectators.

The macaroni is like a type of salad they make.

What am I doing?

It's just, that thing is...

Check out the YouTube link I sent you there

in chat.

Yeah, it's pretty fucking funny.

A classical reading of Snoop Dogg's Gin and Juice.

Oh, yeah.

You sent me that before.

Yeah, I'm going to play that.

By the way, I was listening to y'all's show,

and I think the only thing that Genesis had going,

like I tried to text you,

was it didn't censor Mortal Kombat.

That's true.

And you know, of all that mess,

it was just Mortal Kombat 1.

Mortal Kombat 2 came out,

and the SNES version had all the blood

and did a better job.

But Mortal Kombat 1 had the gray sweat.

Yeah, it was like, yeah, because I had I had both systems, but I was far more a Super

Nintendo guy.

Totally.

See, you can't you can't beat a fucking Mario game.

No way.

Mario like like I just saw like the new like the new Super Mario 3D for the 3DS.

And I'm like, I kind of want to buy one of them.

Yeah, there's something about it.

$220

to play one game.

Yeah, but Mario, dude,

Super Metroid on Super Nintendo

was a really hot game, man.

Link, there was only one Zelda game, but that

was a really good game.

All the RPGs, Sega only had

like one crappy RPG, but

yeah. It had that

one, like, spacey one.

Yeah, it wasn't

any good. But then the whole thing,

you remind me, I used to use

the Game Genie on the Super Nintendo

to make the color palette

swap.

Oh, the Game Genie.

Oh, fuck the Game Genie.

Milkman, I'm going to drop you. Hang on, man.

Come on.

There was a code

to make the sweat red-colored.

It would swap the palette.

Yeah, but the fatalities

still weren't the same. But actually, I thought the fatalities

on the Super Nintendo version were better.

Because Raiden, instead of

just exploding you, he would do this thing where

where he electrocuted you and you would turn into dust

and it looked really fucking cool.

Oh, yeah, that is kind of cooler.

But it was missing, well, Sub-Zero did the head-popping thing.

Yeah, and the Super Nintendo.

It's like I used to play, like, I would skip high school

and play Mortal Kombat 2 in this one arcade

because it had, like, a test cabinet

because, like, Midway Ballet or whatever,

like, when they joined, like, they're based out of Chicago.

it's like it's sad when you go near

their shop now

the offices are empty

but fucking

so like all the revisions would

come to these arcades and like I would

fucking I'd be sitting there

like waiting for the gates to come up

full of fucking painkillers

and a screwdriver I drank

and I was supposed to be on the way to school

waiting to play the games

you just don't see that anymore

and I never really got all that

good

that game was easy as hell

especially getting on the bridge level

all you had to do was do that low fucking sweep kick

the sweep kick yeah

flawless victory and then up cut him into the spike

into the spike at the end yeah

and you were a badass at the end there

if he did it right if he did it perfect

if he did it flawless

I was a Baraka player too

but wasn't if he did it flawless in that stage

or up until that stage

that's when Reptile would come out I think

if I'm correct

it was that stage right there where that would happen

but yeah

arcades are the way of the dodo

I don't think there's

arcades don't exist anymore

people just don't play like that anymore

you know

you don't go

yeah it sounded really low though

can't really hear

well he's

he's like

I got a conversation

in the other room

about video games too

oh wait a minute

wait a minute

did I mess up

I think the mic

there we go

hello test test test

there we go

test these

one two three

yeah sorry

no you

the people

you guys could barely hear me

I yanked the

the lapel mic out

and it was hitting

the laptop mic.

That's fresh

that you have

something that you can put a lapel on.

The lapel mic is in my ear

actually. It's kind of weird.

It's like a low-rent jawbone.

But anyway, yeah, we're talking Mortal Kombat

here. If you have your thoughts, send them in.

Sega Genesis versus

that one.

I also had

I also had a TurboGrafx back in the day.

Yeah, that was the first.

That was the underdog.

I knew a guy.

Nathan Chase was the coolest guy because he had, what was the name of it?

What was the one?

Oh, shit.

The $300 one, which back then was expensive for a fucking game system.

What the hell was it?

The one that was arcade perfect?

Neo Geo.

SNK's Neo Geo.

He had that.

He had one game.

That was all I could afford because the games were like $100.

Yeah, because the whole

arcade cabinet was on the giant

cartridge. Yeah, it was.

There were huge, massive

cards. They were arcade perfect

because it shipped with

mini version of the arcade.

Yeah, but he had

one controller because the extra

controller was so expensive he couldn't

get it, but he convinced his dad one Christmas

like, get me the Neo Geo

and he had like, I think it had King of Fighters

or he had Samurai Shodown is what

what he had that game's fucking that the first samurai showdown i love the second one with get

in the dude with the fucking hunchback the freddy the freddy krueger claws and he'd lick him when

he'd win he'd beat somebody and he'd lick him at the at the end of it yeah i guess an earthquake

quick i always wanted to play with earthquake because he was a big fat guy but he was just

hard to play with yeah but he would do that where he would like turn into his son almost he'd just

be a spinning fat mess

and like

eat you up

yeah

but I remember how cool

because it talked Japanese

you know

it's like you know

yeah

when you won

yeah

it was like

like when you fight

well

I remember

whatever

it was cool

yeah

and whenever

earthquake would come in

it would go

earthquake

I remember

that's how I introduced him

yeah

anyway

yeah

okay

those are good times man

when like different systems

like had different shit

yep

Yep. And IG-69

has no idea what we're talking about. He's like,

huh? Nope.

Why? Because he's a young kid.

And like, I'm still

like, I'm such a Nintendo

fan, but I think like the best system

I've ever had has been my

Dreamcast. Because it had a

modem on it, and I could watch

porn when I was in a hotel room.

I could pull up like old JPEG

stuff. You know, I'm kind of upset.

Here's, right before my wedding in

2009, Athena's like, hey, we should

For some extra money for the honeymoon, let's sell our extra stuff.

So we went to my parents' house, and in my old room, in the closet, she sees all my old game systems, including a Dreamcast with the box, all the original paperwork.

Listen, I had two controllers.

I had the keyboard that nobody had.

I had fucking –

Yeah, I had the keyboard as well.

I had two of those VMUs.

I had two stock controllers.

controllers uh the sonic game nba 2k nfl 2k light guns i had two light guns for a house of the

house of dead yeah i didn't have the light guns but all the original stuff she's like oh let's

sell it and she's like i'm gonna take care of it on ebay i'm gonna take care of it i'm like okay

fine she sold it for 20 fucking bucks i like like that i was like yeah like at that point like you

would have been better off like selling the copper in it yeah well i told her like seriously like

Like, that's fucking, why?

Like, I was just like, why?

And she had already sent it out.

And I was like, well, if I would have known, I would have told you, fuck the auction, man.

You know, just don't send it.

That's fucking crazy.

That could have at least sold for at least $100, I think.

Because it was like five fucking Dreamcast games and, like, all that shit.

And I was like, wow, Dreamcast.

I miss my Dreamcast now.

And I wish I had it.

I still have it.

Like, I'm trying to get a buddy to drive me out to my storage unit because I'm about to, like, disown it and disown, like, my couch and TV and some of the bigger things.

But I want to get, like, some of that shit out of there.

You know, like, my Gundam models and my Dreamcast and my, like, old TurboGrafx I still have.

Except I don't have Splatterhouse, the one game I bought, like, I bought the TurboGrafx for.

that game cost me $80

back like

Splatterhouse

well that was the game that had Tiddy in it right

isn't that the one didn't it have some Tiddy in it

it had gore out the ass

I don't know

I think I remember it

the only good game for that that I knew of was Bonk

was it Bonk's Adventure

Bonk's were pretty fun

I liked Dungeon Explorer

a lot

and that was another one

it only came with one controller

and you had to buy like an adapter

to plug other controllers

into but I

played one myself in the basement

like a weirdo

you gotta do what you gotta do man that's cool

yeah I'm glad I almost

bought into the Sega thing

I remember my dad was like we should get the Sega

CD and I was like no I want the

Super Nintendo you know

he's like no we get Sega I'll get you the CD system

and thank god I didn't get that crap

oh I know I've gotten

emulators for it

and play the games

and I was like

holy fuck

the only good thing

was there was

good music

because it was

CD quality music

that was the only

good thing that

came out of that

and they're

forcing

full motion video, like, horrible

fix-league graphics.

There was a, well, that sewer game,

what was that, I used to go to Sam's Club

They used to have it at Sam's Club

They had a demo of it

That's all I used to do was play Sewer Shark

That Night Trap is actually

Wild

It's cooler just to watch somebody

Do a playthrough on YouTube

I learned all about those

A few months ago

I was like oh wow

People actually just sit there and play these games

That I always wanted to beat

I watched the guy

And it took him

I watched it forever

ever a guy played the commodore 64 alice in winterland game all the way through oh wow but

he he had a commentary going with a broads and they were like joking about it so it made it

very watchable but like i got to the one point where i got stuck and i was like all right from

now on it's gravy this is awesome like and it's horrible it's like a weird side scrollery like

like stupid game stupid

down there all right we

gotta do pranks here

people are trying to get

angry in the chat room

you know how they go

oh yeah these damn

people we're gonna call

24-hour fitness uh that

i talked about oh no

already called them and

they were closed this one

i gotta do another one

here um i'm a turkish

guy you want to call

uh he's gone by now

yeah i'll ring him

he might be gone i

want to take it are

you gonna laugh no i

won't right what's it

called turkish kitchen

right i'll talk to him

if you guys don't i'll

be quiet i got it yo

dough. I got it. Don't worry. You got it, though?

Big horse fucker.

Go there, man.

Nope. Not there. Sorry, buddy.

Anyway. Yeah, Matt, I was

listening to that call that we did on Thanksgiving

about the awnings. I don't know if you remember. You were pretty

drunk, but you were talking about putting awnings

on a mobile home and make it fly.

I was

having a good time listening to that. That's

pretty fun. Oh, hey, Carlito, you can call that

vet back about the horse. Oh!

Australian vet. That's right.

Right. What was he even doing with that?

What was I talking about?

They were going to get on with one of their vets there

and they said to call back in like an hour.

That's right. I was talking about

the horse was traumatized. Someone threw

apples at it and it wasn't mastered. Maybe we couldn't

masturbate the horse anymore. Exactly.

That's right. And let me see

if I can find that number now. Who sent it in?

Baz. Here we go. Okay, let's do it.

Just to recap, this is the

Saturn Veterinary

Clinic in Australia.

They specialize in horse insemination.

Who doesn't?

Receptionist about how glorious the horse cock is.

That's right.

That's what we're talking.

We got an assumption about how beautiful the horse's penis is.

I don't remember now.

Speaking.

Yes, hi.

This is Cross.

I was calling about the horse that I brought from the United States.

I was supposed to talk to a veterinarian.

Okay, just one moment, please.

Maybe.

She's like, yeah.

Hello.

Yes, hello.

Yes, Debbie Ratcliffe speaking.

Are you a vet?

Yes, I am.

Oh, beautiful.

Okay, this might work out perfectly.

I had called before.

I'm from the United States, and I came with my horse.

His name is Bookapoo.

So are you in Australia?

Yes, I'm in Australia now.

Yes.

And we brought the horse.

It was supposed to, it's a stud, and we were trying to impregnate the girl horse.

Right.

And the horse was traumatized.

These children were throwing apples at it, and apples are its favorite food.

So now the horse won't perform.

And I talked to the horse.

I was petting it.

Because usually I can talk to the horse, and I go,

So, la-la-la-la-lee-lee, Charlie-lee-lee, like that.

And he'll calm down, and he gets erect.

He gets an erection, and then he inseminates the girl horse.

He makes love to the girl horse.

The mayor.

You'd be talking about the mayor.

Yeah, the mayor.

Yeah, we call it girl horse.

Yeah.

Okay.

But it's not happening, and it's because he's traumatized because of this.

So, I was thinking maybe if a woman was here or a veterinarian maybe could help us out with maybe something we could do.

No, I don't think that's going to help you at all.

I'm sorry.

I don't think that's going to help you.

I can't imagine horses don't think that deeply about that type of thing.

Has this horse previously for you been okay?

All the time, yes.

I think you need probably to consult with someone who's an expert in animal behavior,

and that certainly isn't me.

So that may be your best option.

But you know how beautiful the horse's penis is and the testicles on the horse is.

I don't understand why he doesn't want to.

oh this year you're you're kidding it's a beautiful someone else maybe a um social

helpline but tell you know how beautiful the horse's privates are oh man come on

oh how how fucking gorgeous do you think that broad is son of this they all sound hot outside

of america i know good afternoon state of eight clinic monique speaking yeah i was the vet was

I was making an appointment to come inseminate the horse to extract the semen.

Sorry, say again?

I was just talking to a vet.

She was making an appointment to come extract the semen from the horse's penis,

but we got disconnected.

Oh, no, we don't do that.

I'm sorry.

Well, how do you get the semen out of the testicles?

Well, we'd have to refer you to someone else.

So you're probably best to phone the veterinary practitioner's board

and just check with them.

But you specialize in the insemination, right?

right? Ah, we do, but we don't do

collections. I'm sorry. Do you mean you wouldn't

go ahead and put your lips

on the penis and then get the semen

that way? You honestly need

to get some help and perhaps speak

to the policeman. Thank you.

I think that's the best way to do it.

I think the policeman would

definitely help me do that.

The police definitely would help out.

Tell them that.

It's hot.

He's a bit of a tiger.

Is that them again?

Good afternoon, Faye.

This is Nick Monick speaking.

So you think...

Yeah, hey there.

Hey there, love.

Phone the policeman, or I will phone them right now for you.

The policeman didn't want to help blow horses.

She's gone.

She's getting surly.

Surly.

We're doing it again.

You take it.

Come on, ring.

Hey there, Connor.

Matt, hello.

Baby.

Oh, you didn't take it.

Jesus, I didn't...

I thought when you said, you take it, I thought it was somebody else.

I'm sorry, man.

Yeah, we're talking.

I thought you were talking to Ken, buddy.

You're right.

I should have said, Matt, you do it.

Yeah.

I'm not the brightest guy.

Well, I'm certainly not, man.

I'm like fucking a lot of beers then.

No worries.

So how are the cell phone business going?

You guys all excited about the T-Mobile AT&T merger not going through or going through?

I have a welfare phone.

Remember?

You have a welfare phone?

Yeah.

alright

it's because like

when you're on state help

you can get this free phone called

safe link wireless

and it's this funky shit phone

and you get like 200 minutes

a month

but I thought you worked for a cell phone company

or something like that

oh dude I haven't worked in like

over two years

I did

some contract work last summer

yeah but like it yeah i did well i i don't when i whenever i work i don't work for like a cell

phone company or like it's all subcontracted out they don't have any of their own installers

i'm working for like etac or like tech systems or like somebody come in somebody to come in and put

up like a third party carrier yeah for like three months or some shit yeah i got yeah yeah i've

I've worked with tech systems.

They like me, but it's like I need some permanent shit.

Is there any permanent work out there anymore?

It's like it doesn't exist anymore.

Nobody – you know?

Like back in the day before – because I used to – I worked at Lucent for many years.

And before they sold off their power division, I should have went.

But like it still would have ended in heartbreak because they sold off their power division and that went somewhere else.

And I should have went with those cats.

but i stayed with lucent and kept like grinding it and then it was like lay off after lay off

after lay off yeah i just i don't think places they just don't want to commit to a full-time

hire you know full-time permanent employees really anymore because of unemployment and all

you know they just rather yeah it's it's it's so much it's and like man like not to talk a lot of

shit but like a lot of these cats and uh and i'm kind of scummy too but like when you get dudes

that are willing to live on the road

and live out of hotels

and, you know,

and just, like,

yeah, give me the per diem

and we'll stay at the shittiest motel

because there's more in our pocket.

And they're just waking up,

like, bed bug bites.

Bed bug bites, man.

You better get a lot of per diem, Kenny.

Well, you know, I mean,

the fact of the matter is

you could get something better,

but, like, when they just give you the money,

you're like,

fuck it, I want something shitty

because i want to take this money home you can't rest like that at work you gotta think about the

bigger picture hello but you stay drunk john you there yeah hey john i was wondering if you wanted

to meet at the gym do some pilates later on well in a little bit but you want to do it tonight or

in the morning but what time do you get up maybe six o'clock we'll meet in the gym and do some

pilates and i'll hold you down you hold me down a little bit and then we go to the sauna what

What about 7?

John.

8 o'clock?

All right.

So, I'll meet you at the gym.

All right.

So, what's the sign?

What do we do?

Like, is there a private there at the gym?

Like, can we be alone?

Right now.

Well, you know, there's a sauna there, right?

Well, me and you, we're going to the sauna.

We'll use it together, you know?

We'll just take our towels off in front of each other and look at each other and watch.

Is that okay?

John.

I've never used it there.

You've never done it there?

Can I just come over to your house and we'll do Pilates there in your living room?

Oh, my God.

Fuck that.

Fuck that, guys.

I don't know.

John sounded like the coolest guy ever.

Yeah, I don't know.

He's like, I don't know, like 6 in the morning is a little early, but yeah, I don't know.

Someone sent a request that said call John in Worcester, Mass.

And tell him we meet at the gym right now to do some Pilates.

But he was like, he sounded like, he was like so chill.

He's like, yeah, I don't know, maybe make it a little later, man.

You're waking me up right now.

That's just weird.

what inside joke did we

stumble in on there I don't know

I mean you can never get to the bottom of that

because whoever sent that to you is not

going to call in and tell you why that's funny

but that's kind of funny

he sounded like he's potential fruit

they wanted you to act on that

see what you could draw him out with

potential fruit attraction

he seems like a fucking total

fruit but a really cool one

that dude was cool

he's like yeah whatever

I don't know you man but I'll toss you a salad

who answers a phone

from a skype number

and who's yeah yeah I'll do Pilates

with you sure yeah weirdo

you bring the team back

yeah god

he's liquid ever

do you want one drop or two

boop boop

it's nice that he wasn't

like a whiny little like you sons

Tons of bitches.

The police are coming for you.

Yeah, exactly.

He's like, yeah, man, I'm down.

Whatever.

Like, compare him to those horse people.

The police are coming to handcuff me, bitch.

Yeah, compare him to the horse people.

See how they were in their Australia all stuck up and uptight.

You can find out if he's in a Roman soldier helmet, too, you know.

Yeah, he's old.

He's like, sure, man, yeah, whatever.

It's just kind of early, but yeah, we can do that.

Yeah, right.

All right, so moving right along.

We've got more numbers here to knock out.

How big a boy are you?

Exactly.

That does it for the Request a Prank,

so we do have Jaime that sent in some more of those 24-hour gems.

Maybe we'll get to those, but before that...

Hymen?

Jaime.

Did you say Hymen?

No, Buster Hymen.

They call me the Hymen Ripper.

The Hymen, the pussy stuffer.

The Hymen Ripper.

All right, I'm going to mute and take a piss and get a beer.

Have fun.

I guess that would be better than being called the horse pup.

I guess so.

Hey, look, we got numbers here in England.

If any guys want to call Scotland, hey, Scotland.

I'm dead.

John Bruins here.

David Allen.

We got a few here.

Anybody want to jump in?

UK?

Not UK.

Regular Ted, are you still on?

Or are you drinking wine with the wife?

I think Ted stepped out.

Uh-oh.

We lost Ted Webb.

IG69, want to call UK?

You're on deck.

I'm getting it right.

I'm not staring at you looking for an answer.

Sir, it's okay if you don't want to.

I'll do it.

Okay, this is John Bruins in England.

Good luck with that.

After that, I'll do one, and then Ken can do one.

And I'm going to end the show pretty soon.

My eye's starting to get rude.

Hello?

Hello, Mr. Bruins.

This is Bruins.

I told Matt.

Oh, yes.

Yes, we have a wake-up call for you,

and you're going to need to press star seven pound.

You're going to need to press star six eight on your telephone machine.

Hello?

And what's that for?

To confirm your order of 1,000 ponies, ma'am.

Ma'am, hello.

Ma'am, are you there?

You know, sometimes I don't know about you, IG-69.

Your order's gone.

It's gone.

Hang on.

Let me do David Allen in Scotland here.

Oh, boy.

Apparently very windy over there in Scotland tonight, from what I understand.

Sounds good.

All right, we'll do this.

Yeah, my eye's starting to get an eye ink.

I'm not going to be on very much longer here.

As long as you heal up, buddy.

Yeah, ma'am.

Yes?

Yes, this is the Allen residence, David and wife.

Yes.

Yes, listen, we want to let you know we're shutting down all the roads because of the wind.

It's very dangerous outside.

No one's allowed to go to work today.

And who's the authority?

Under the, well, this is under the Royal Scotland Wind Authority.

I'm calling from the call center in Illinois.

I do not think so.

Bye.

God damn it.

Horse.

I do not.

She's like, I do not think so.

I'm calling from the United Kingdom

Wind Authority and you will listen to my orders

I call on behalf of the Queen

stupid

she's too nice

do you see like how like

cool and other like even like

when you piss them off they still like

it's not like American people that are like

fuck you I'm gonna come

fucking kill you

or turkish people yeah well usually scotland they're usually pretty pissy they usually get

the piss taken out of them so to say well they're they're drunkards but like i don't know it seems

like it seems like it's really harder to get them riled up over there unless you get on that

stillborn facebook page and that riles up a lot of them oh yes james listen uh you need to stop

using your toilet for the rest of the day you don't have authority to use your toilet

You don't have any authorization to use your toilet for the rest of the day

And you

What

God I how

It's almost 7 o'clock

We're not necessarily waking them up

At this point probably

Yeah

I think they closed

Alright

Hey man dude

Are you there dude

You're back dude

The furries

I just got beat the fuck up

Have a good day man

Man, I'm not here to joke around with bullshit.

They're not bullshitting.

They're going to get you.

Oh, God.

Don't you understand?

They're going to kill you and me.

You said that you should thank him for telling you to have a good day.

And he's the only one that cares.

Gamers in.

Yeah, listen, I was calling on behalf of the furries.

I understand there was some kind of problem.

Do what?

I understand there's some kind of problem with the furries or something.

This was already told a long time ago.

No, the furry groups are no longer allowed to have their group gatherings here.

We don't allow them here no more.

But just one of me and my son.

That's it.

We don't allow him to come in here as a person or two.

You said no more than six, right?

Wow, it's the same person that had the same problem before, dude.

I'm not doing this tonight.

No, no.

He's already called repeatedly.

He tried to bullshit me with a dumb lawyer.

Hey, my lawyer wasn't dumb.

My lawyer, he was British, and that's smart.

Yeah, it sounds like smarter, like, just right off the bat.

Yeah, we used to get away with that all the time.

like we could we'd say we're called my lawyers calling and put them on and it's you know that

guy from before jim stewart with a british accent and instantly america's like oh whoa

yes you should have like matt call back or something and say he's he's being held hostage

by the furries until they uh it's only gonna last for a second yeah it's he's not yeah we

gotta give it a week man you just gotta yeah like yeah like i'm just sure i'm happy to do it it's

It's not like he's not going to take concern and care about it, especially me.

If we had a broad on here and she, like, cried about it, maybe.

Yeah, but we don't have broads, really, on this show.

We've got a few that listen, but not live.

Well, yeah, we do have some live broads listening.

We've got another Scotland number here.

If you want IG69, I'll give you the number.

You can call, you know, tomorrow or later tonight.

But you have to record it, though.

Okay, I can.

ID69

That's a fantastic megabus picture

Hello

Yes David Arthur

Yes I'm calling from the Aberdeen Wind Advisory Administration

How are you

I need to advise you that all the roads are closed

Were you planning on going to work this morning sir

David

If you're planning to go to work

I need you to cancel those plans

The roads are all closed it is way too windy

It is very dangerous out there

There was a horse that was flying

And he went into a bus

I don't know about the winter thing

I think it's like it's morning time

You need to catch them when they're fucking drunk

Yeah well when they're sleeping still

It's too late now

It sucks

Or like let them get to lunch time

And then they will be drunk

Someone's pee shy over there

Someone's having trouble peeing

What's going on

You gotta watch out for them

Someone's got a weak stream

Whoever that is

Like mine's been fucked up

Because I've been eating these

No heroin medicines

And they're opiates

So like my shit's all backed up

And like I'm like

I feel like I really got a piss

And then I barely

Ah you got the trickle

Yeah I've got that one

Hello

All that trouble to answer it

Just fucking

It's funny at the UK

Okay, sometimes at this time they'll hang up.

It'll take like a good minute and a half.

The slow-mo hang-up.

90 seconds.

Yeah, 90 seconds of hang-up.

It was like...

It was like a 20, 30-second hang-up, man.

I love it, man.

We can't beat this.

And you know what?

They're in the dark, and they probably drop the phone,

and they're like, oh, crap, got to find it.

It went under the bed, you know.

Dude, how much is international?

It's just two cents a minute.

Oh, you're just paying by the minute.

2.8 cents a minute.

That's not bad.

Yeah.

And it's all paid for by our good listeners.

Good morning, fellow host of the show.

Good morning, sir.

I'm calling from the Scotland Aberdeen Wind Administration.

We're calling from...

Sorry, it's a bad language.

Could you repeat that?

No, not really.

I'm calling from the Wind Administration here in Aberdeen.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Now, I understand you know about the wind advisories that are going on.

The wind advisory?

Yes, the strong winds that are coming through town.

Yes, sir.

Okay, so we need you to shut down.

All roads are going to be closed in 30 minutes, and all water is going to be shut down.

No toilets, no water is going to be able to work.

If you're going to drink the water, it has to be boiled.

All the water that comes out of the, do you have the water that comes out of the plumbing, you know?

The entire Aberdeen supply, water supply, the entire water machine.

Yes, everyone leave the building

But they can't take the roads

And also, like I said, the toilets

Can't be used

Why did I have to leave the building?

Because it's a wind advisory

It's not safe to be inside the building

Because of the wind, you have to be outside

Yeah, sure, okay, bye-bye

You horse

Like, you could have maybe had him

If, like, just tell the guests

They can't leave

I know, that didn't make any sense

Well, I thought it'd be funny to say

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, it just makes it awesome that you called him a horse.

It just doesn't make any sense, you know.

It's windy, so go outside.

It's like there's a tornado and you run outside for shelter.

That's the opposite.

You do that for an earthquake, you run outside.

No, no, actually, they say earthquake, you stay inside.

You're supposed to get under a table.

Yeah, you're supposed to get in whatever collapses first.

Yeah, but an earthquake, wouldn't you just rather want to go in the middle of a field?

No, no, that's in a tornado, and you want to stand up and possibly have a trash bag over your head.

In a tornado, you're supposed to deploy a parachute and close your roof.

Yeah, exactly.

A lightning storm.

A lightning storm is a golf club.

A lightning storm, you want to put golf fleets on and go in the middle of a field and play golf, yep.

No trees, nothing, just go out.

Yeah, you want to be the highest point so the lightning is afraid of you.

That's exactly what I learned in Boy Scouts.

Yeah.

I learned different things in Browning.

Morning, how are you all doing?

Yes, hello.

This is the hotel?

Yes.

Good, yes.

I don't know if I spoke to you before.

I'm calling from the Wind Advisory Administration in Aberdeen.

In Aberdeen?

Yes.

I'm calling from the Wind Advisory Administration.

I understand you're probably aware about the heavy wind advisories we're currently under.

I've never heard of them.

Well, no, no, no.

There was a mistake.

You don't have to evacuate the hotel, but the water can't be used.

No more flushing the toilets.

So, the toilet, yeah.

You can't use it?

Any of the toilets.

The toilets can't be used, and you can wash hands, but you have to boil any water before it's drunk,

or you can't brush your teeth with the water, and you can't shower because of the wind.

Bye-bye.

All right, so if you can put me through to the first occupied room, and I'll explain this to them.

He's like, that's the end of that chapter.

I guess I called the same one again.

It's funny that he's still taking it halfway serious.

You need the dot matrix printer.

I know.

Brad Carter.

Brad Carter, get on with the dot matrix.

Dot matrix.

It's, yeah, that right there.

That works with all the 7-Eleven calls, you know,

that, you know, let me talk to your, what is it?

Let me talk to the customer, customer survey.

That dot matrix printer.

I've got the sound effect.

I think I had Brad send it.

I'm trying to make a new soundboard,

and I've got some of Brad's sound effects on there.

I dragged him over.

You dragged him over.

Because he just messaged me.

Click on him.

That'll work, really?

Good morning, I'm calling from the Wind Advisory Administration, Aberdeen Wind Advisory Council.

How can I help?

Well, are you aware of the wind advisory we're currently under, strong heavy winds that we're going through?

Yes.

Okay, so we're calling with some information here.

Because of the heavy wind advisory, we're closing all the roads in the next 30 minutes.

So we would ask everyone to, what we call is the situation where you hunker down, just stay inside.

Do not go outside, please.

Okay.

Also, the water use needs to stop.

We prefer no one flush the toilets.

Just one moment.

Okay.

sir yes hi who are you i'm calling from the

aberdeen wind advisory administration i was calling to inform you because of the wind

emergency that we're having all the roads are being shut down we were calling the local hotels

and ends asking if you could have your guests just to stay inside and stay off the roads

That's near and impossible. We've got people going out to the airport.

We can't stop them.

Well, I can tell you now, we've got taxis coming in and out. We've got staff coming in and out.

And I can't really stop all that volume of traffic going out here.

I can tell you that now.

Yes, you will, or you're going to be in serious trouble here.

What is your name?

What's your name, please?

This is Cross. I'm with the Aberdeen Wind Advisory Administration.

Well, like I said, sir, I can't really stop all these kids going out.

I'm getting a report. Hang on. I'm getting a report right now.

Yeah, the situation is perilous, according to this.

Yeah, all the roads are being closed.

Within the next 10 to 15 minutes, all the roads are closed.

sir there's a huge gust huge gust of winds are coming through we need everyone should be inside

and stay away from the windows and doors also um the use of the water system the water system is

being turned off also so you need to advise the guests not to flush the toilets and not to brush

their teeth and any any water that's being drunk if it's not bottled water needs to be boiled first

sir you don't realize how many people we've gotten to town well you need to say what's your emergency

crisis management plan, then.

You have one, don't you? You're supposed to.

I've never heard of this advisory

service, sir. There's a wind advisory.

Have you seen outside the wind that's coming through?

I've got another report coming in. I've never heard of you before.

I've got another report coming in. Hang on.

Oh, yeah, this is bad. Yeah,

the wind gusts are way too strong.

You need to cancel all that traffic immediately, sir, please.

They're all going out. How many

people do you have there that are leaving? How many

people are going out? Well, I've just checked out

30 people, and they're all in taxis

on the road right now. The airport

The airport is closed. There's no traffic going to the airport.

They've completely closed off the airport.

Well, that's where they were heading, and they're already in the tights in the car,

and we stopped them in the middle of the journey.

Well, they're going to be coming back.

Sir, you need to close all those doors.

I can do about that.

Close all the doors. Do it now.

I command you, in the name of the United Kingdom, to do it.

Listen.

Well, I've never heard of your service before, sir, and I've lived in Aberdeen all my life.

I am with the government, the Aberdeen Wind Advisory Administration.

I'm calling from Chicago, Illinois.

We are in charge of this, with the North American Treaty Organization.

You're calling from Chicago, Illinois?

Yes, that's where the call center is.

We're in the UK.

Yes, I know.

We're employed by the United Kingdom.

This is the United States calling, and I have authority over you.

Well, if you don't have a website, and I've never heard of you before...

Lookup International Business Machines is the name of the company.

We're making the phone calls on behalf of Aberdeen Wind Advisory Administration,

the government of Scotland and the United Kingdom.

Well, I've never heard of that, and I've lived in Scotland all my life.

Lookup International Business Machines.

That is our website.

site. Well, I've never heard of you before, sir, and the wind

isn't that bad outside, just now.

It's coming through, I'm telling you, there's a huge gust

coming through like a tsunami. From when?

A tsunami gust of wind is coming

through. International business machines.

Well, I've never heard of that either, sir.

Have you looked it up? My credentials are all there.

I've never heard of you before, and I've never heard of

the advisory service you're saying. Well, I'm just

advising you, if you don't listen to what I'm saying,

the National Guard's going to come in there and shut you down.

Okay, send them in.

Actually, sir, the National Guard

that we need to be directing is called

Turn off all your light.

We're going to send in the United States Marines there and everything right now.

On you go, because we're in the United Kingdom.

I've been to Aberdeen.

So we're a superior nation.

We're a superior nation.

And the United States Marines don't have authority here.

The British Marines would.

We do.

Are you doing?

No, you don't.

Yes, we do.

So the United Kingdom has a state of emergency,

and they've asked for the United States military assistance.

We've got our boots on the ground.

I've got a report coming in right now.

Okay, fine, send them in.

We're coming in.

Will you draw me a bath, please?

Hello, sir.

Sir.

That was brilliant.

Slimy takes, I'd say.

I think he would have hung up a lot quicker

if I hadn't had that dot matrix printer sound.

Yeah, I know.

Every time he came in, he hung in there a little longer.

He's like, oh, wait a minute.

Report.

Oh, shit.

I better stick around.

There's a report coming in.

He just wants to get the updated news.

How you doing, Brad?

Oh, not too bad.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Brad.

Hey, I forgot to say hi.

Hi.

Hi, Carlito.

I said hi.

Yeah, from now on, when I come on, you need to just stop your prank call and say hello, Brad.

Yes, I'm sorry.

Mr. Carter, I'm sorry.

I command you in the name of Cacti Radio.

In the name of the United States and the Queen of England.

I'm the authority of the Queen of England.

That was good, dude.

Yeah, I try.

The Queen of Israel.

I think I've got one more in me here, you know, I think.

But in the meantime

Before I do my last prank

I would like to do my next to last prank of the night

Which will be to the Islamic Republic of Iran

I'm very upset

Because they shot down a drone plane

Oh yeah they did

I saw pictures of it

Yeah I saw that

So they have one of our planes now

Well they have a drone plane

It crashed

Whatever

Why don't we have a system in place

That can blow it up

or something. That's what I thought. You think it'd have

remote, you know,

remote destruction thing.

Remote detonator, or just like

release sarin gas the second

it lands so anyone can

hear it. Like nerve dimension

drops. It should just have a nuke on it.

Yeah, well,

I mean,

see, I didn't go as far to say

germs, which I was

talking about, but you go as far as say

nuke, which is like less

than germs. But yeah,

Yeah. They should just have

payloads of germs to kill everyone.

Alright, so here are the rules when we call

Iran. Now, we all know,

no threats. Don't say we're the CIA

or the FBI.

Can we use the Matrix Penner? Yes, we can.

We can do that, but let's be smart.

Let's not threaten bombs and

nothing like that, you know, because we could...

I'm just going to go ahead and not say a word.

Okay, I'm just saying, you know,

because the CIA probably in some form or fashion

is monitoring a lot of these calls.

Yeah, this is what it's meant to.

Can we say my country can beat up your country?

Oh, yeah.

They're cool with that.

Okay.

Tell them this time you need to have the windows open.

That's part of it.

Every window open.

I suppress your cause.

Hang on while we trace.

Hello?

Wait a moment.

Okay.

Hello, you Persian donkey.

How are you tonight?

Sorry?

Hello, you Persian donkey.

How are you tonight?

You are a donkey, sir.

No, listen.

I understand you folks shot down one of our planes this week.

Who?

You people.

You're an animal, sir.

Why did you shoot down our plane?

I want you to return the plane.

Return our property to us, or there could be trouble for you.

Fuck you, motherfucker.

Yeah, you...

Wow.

Was that really, like...

What are you talking about, Milkman?

Hey.

He's telling somebody about your mess.

Yes.

I got a couple new lists, and then I'm going to introduce you.

What's going on?

That man is not really a taxi driver.

Say hello to chloroform and duct tape suitors.

So much of these girls, they're hot and they know how to handle it.

The book was like, oh, look at it.

All right, everyone, I just want to let you know that we got some quicker.

That's nice.

Thank you.

Anybody want to talk to Iran?

Now's the chance.

I'll do it.

Oh, God.

Wow.

You missed that print so bad.

Way to say hello there.

Way to represent the United States, buddy.

Totally picked up.

You didn't hear it.

It sounded like it was an agenda.

I thought it was on hold.

It's how every call sounds like.

Yeah, because they're creepy fuckers just waiting for you to say something.

Say something, I'm going to come.

Yeah.

like the uh hey what is your fucking megabus picture what's over the fat dude's face oh dude

that's awesome yeah it looks like a it looks like to me like especially because there's a

like billboard next to it looks like a fucking it looks like a robocop pikachu

like it's ears like go off hey um i want to mention that i remember now the reason why i

got on the on the whole tom cruise kick this afternoon watching his videos it was apparently

he's there's a top gun 2 coming out yay and that just blew me what how's tom cruise gonna be in

that i don't understand it's gonna be old as fuck well he's in that fucking mission impossible 5

like climbing outside that that dubai tower have you seen the fucking the footage of that no i know

it's he's climbing on the burj dubai whatever that big thing dude that that like tallest tower

in the world he's out there like on a harness running around the outside i'm like i'm like

he's a wacko and all but like i so wouldn't do that and that's badass they make him into a

superhero and stuff it's you know they did the same with james bond sometimes like he ended up

being a superhero.

But I'm saying, this is just behind-the-scenes shit

and this fucker's right out there.

Man.

I wouldn't care.

Willis and Ockles and stuff.

He's going to be an action hero until he dies.

I guess so.

I'm about ready for a new James Bond movie.

MGM needs to get their crap straight

with their financing.

I've never been a big James Bond guy.

I am.

I've actually never seen a James Bond film before.

No, dude, you're missing out.

I liked Moonraker

a lot when I was a kid.

I even have some Moonraker trading cards

still.

I like that Jaws guy.

Jaws, yeah.

Yeah, so Roger Moore.

I know people say Sean Connery

is his owner, but I only think of Roger Moore

because that's the couple I saw

in the theater.

That's what you were.

I've never seen any

of the Pierce Brothers.

I might have seen one or two of them with Pierce.

Yeah.

The first ones I saw were the Pierce Brosnan ones, you know, because of my age.

And then I went back and saw Sean Connery and Roger Moore and the one guy that did the one.

Just like, man, I just watched, well, I watched horrible, horrible movies usually, though.

Like, very violent, very bad.

Right.

Like, spy things are not, like, type of deal usually.

Although I did watch The Muppets tonight and teared up a bit.

Really?

That's what I heard.

I heard people saying that you get a little emotional if you're a Muppets fan in the 80s and 70s.

I did, man.

Like, I fucking, seriously.

Like, I was, like, fucking, like, wiping my eyes.

Aw.

When Piggy and fucking Kermit sing together and shit.

Oh, my God.

It's fucking lovely.

Spoiler alert.

Thanks.

Jeez.

Spoilers.

They sing together?

Yeah.

Remember when they got married and all that?

that is a spoiler

well there's like there's fucked up shit

like Kermit like they didn't like

well I guess

I'm spoiling all over it but there's

like a ripped up like wedding picture

where Kermit has the one half

and she has the other half

no really

yeah like yeah

but it was fucking it was good

it was really good

remember when they got married

because it was funny because Kermit got hit by the car

and then he forgot about Piggy

and then he thought Piggy was

ugly and was making fun of her

and she beat him up and then they got married

yeah

weren't they like in Manhattan

wasn't it Muppets Take Manhattan

I think that was Muppets Take Manhattan

and there was a

I don't know I'd have a fucking

I think at one point

I might have fucked a Miss Piggy doll

in my life

oh hey you know what I saw today

a trailer for the

yeah there you go

I saw a trailer for the Three Stooges movie

I kind of want to hate it

But it looks kind of fun

No it looks because I saw the trailer

And Snooki's in it

And I was like Snooki

That's the one thing

But the fact he poked a bitch in the eyes

Yeah but

I thought they were making

I thought the Three Stooges movie was going to be a drama

Like a docudrama about him

It's a fucking

It's like a

a because i read about it like a bit ago and it's like a fucking just like acting like it's a new

three students yeah no you can't do that because i think originally it was it was supposed to be

like johnny dapp and uh benicio del toro and someone else and jim carrey and they were going

to do the docudrama like it was going to be a serious take on their life i don't know but it

looks like kind of stupid fun as much as i hate to say it i was hoping for like an andy kaufman

been man on the moon take on it i thought that would be yeah you know well that would that would

be part of that fucking they they'd let john k make like a good animated one because he loves

the three stooges the guy that made rena stimpy oh have you ever seen those the red the three

stooges like dolls that he made off of his drawings they're fantastic no so yeah i'll check

that out all right last prank of the night uh all i know this is michael cope and bath england

Give him hell.

All right.

I got the dot matrix queued up.

Get it ready.

Rock on.

Come on, phone.

Hello?

Mr. Cope?

Yes?

Good morning, sir.

I've got a report here coming through.

I'm with the English United Kingdom Toilet Administration.

According to the papers here, your toilet license has expired.

I don't know if you were aware of that.

Life?

Your license for your toilet has expired.

How long have you been using this toilet there in your home for?

I'm not interested in that sort of thing, thank you.

No, you don't have papers for your toilet.

You can't use that toilet.

It's illegal.

It's against the law.

Oh, come on.

Don't be so silly.

How many times a day do you use the toilet?

Like, even when it's bullshit, it's just like...

He's like, I don't have time for this.

I'm such a charming cat.

They usually just...

I'm going to put the phone down.

I'm going to leave.

You're going to not call again.

Hello?

Yes, Mrs. Cope.

Listen, you guys don't have papers for your toilet.

If you're using a toilet there, you're in very big

trouble. You're going to be getting a

fine here.

I'm tired.

Wasn't that good?

It's interesting

to me how different

they react.

Yeah, try

calling Kentucky and doing

that. There you go.

That's another thing.

Well, gentlemen,

this is the time of the show where I drop all you stuff

for Milkman so he can do his thing.

Charlie, do you want to give me the furry place's number?

Yeah, give me a second.

I'll send it.

Don't worry, I won't forget.

I'll do it now.

While Milkman does his thing, I'll do it.

But goodbye to Ted Webb, first of all.

Ted Webb, goodbye.

I don't have the Brad Carter hang-up sound, but...

No, hold on, hold on.

All right.

I've got that taken care of here.

Okay.

Blue Planet Meister.

There's Ted Webb, and then IG69.

I'll send you the number.

Goodbye, sir.

LaughTrack Matt, thanks for being on.

Bye.

See you later.

Clank.

And Brad, you're going to have to clank yourself, man.

Take it easy, bud.

Everyone.

All right, there he goes.

And in the end, there was just Milkman.

Milkman, are you alone?

You still have customer machine?

I just dropped him off.

I'm going to give you some water.

Oh, wait a minute.

Hang on, hang on.

Milkman, we got breaking news here.

I haven't read the whole story.

But I meant to talk about this before.

The Orlando Magic.

Listen, be quiet, Milkman.

This is serious.

I don't know what the story is yet.

Don't tell me in the chat room.

I just got an email from an Orlando Sentinel that starts off Dwight Howard.

And he's a star player for the Magic.

And the big question is, is he going to come back to Orlando?

Is he going to go to Los Angeles?

Is he going to leave the Magic high and dry?

Are they going to trade him?

They've been talking about it all week.

And if I got a break and use email at 2.20 in the morning about Dwight Howard,

I'm guessing it's something big just happened.

So let's go ahead and see.

Man, this sucks.

All right, let's open this email up here.

You might hear me make some yells.

OrlandoSentinel.com reporting breaking news.

Dwight Howard wants a trade to the New Jersey Nets.

What?

To the New Jersey Nets?

Nobody wanted to go to the New Jersey Nets.

Well, they're getting a new arena and all that,

but, yeah, apparently here,

report Dwight Howard is requesting a trade to the New Jersey Nets.

Who would the magic trade Dwight Howard for?

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Because they're not playing anything.

They're not playing at all.

Now to get some money.

No, the Magic...

No, no, the NBA's back, man.

It's back.

Oh, they're playing again?

Yeah, the December 25th.

Yeah.

The CEO of the Orlando Magic, listen to what happened.

It's funny.

The CEO of the team, apparently Saturday night he got drunk

and called Dwight Howard at 1 o'clock in the morning

and was like, hey, man, we need you, we love you, don't go away.

and it hit the media and he and uh they fired him like he he stepped down bob vanderweid the

ceo of the orlando magic stepped down because of the embarrassment over his drunk dial to his

star nba player uh dwight dwight higher representatives have told the new jerseyness

they are the first choice and that he plans to ask the orlando magic for a trade

espn is reporting early friday morning wow i don't know what is it without him man well i mean at

At least we're getting a trade because Shaquille O'Neal left the Orlando Magic

after his first four years.

He just left.

He didn't sign.

He didn't shit.

He just left, and the Orlando Magic got nothing.

At least Dwight Howard is cool enough where he's saying,

look, I don't want to be in Orlando anymore.

Please trade me.

We can get something back.

We can get another player.

But, wow, yeah, I don't know.

I got to think.

I know the Jets, the Jets, the Nets have one big player right now.

The Nets.

Well, the Nets are moving to Brooklyn also.

That's another thing.

Jay-Z bought the team.

I think he's got a controlling stake, and he's moving into Brooklyn.

They're getting a brand-new arena.

They're going to be the Brooklyn Nets next season, I believe.

It won't be New Jersey.

Anyway, Milkman, well, I'll keep working on that,

and I've got to get IG69 a phone number.

But in the meantime, take us out of here, Milkman.

All right, my brother.

Monito, it's been truly an honor, man.

And all of our listeners out there, it has not been a fantastic one.

One for the books, for sure.

Definitely like to thank all our friends out there,

There are friends in the chat.

Definitely thank all our friends there.

But first of all, we want to thank our numbers.

It's me, that's right, the local loser.

Thank you so much for providing the numbers and the services that you always do.

You knew, and everybody is due out the numbers tonight.

Thanks a lot.

We had a great time.

I want to thank special guest tonight.

Long and beloved and missed and sorely missed, but never unwelcome.

Jim Stewart, my goodness, what a good old time that was.

Missed it, but got your luck, but at least catch it on the replays, man.

man, you know, just get over there and join

their money to the way. Thank all of our

friends in the chat, everybody that I didn't

get to talk to, but I know is in there, all

of our good friends, thank you so much. Everybody

over at Cacti Network, UCB

and the gang, thanks a lot, man. Great,

great time, man. Well, thank

Ted West! Thank you so much for coming

back, man. It's so good to hear some of our good

old friends, man. This is the kind of stuff

we really love, and stuff that's been going

on for many a moon. All the good right here

that you can find at the Madhouse, that's right,

the most interactive radio show

That you find anywhere in the genre

We're a multi-genre type of show

We talk fun, games, food

You name it, it's all here

Pranks, calls, jokes, laughs

We do it every week for you, that's right

We just ask that you bring the time

Because we're going to drop it

And make sure that you got a laugh

Share with your friends

Or better yet, bring along your enemies

And they'll be a friend of the Madhouse too

We might even call them every week

From then on

But still without the man

And self, and leachimo

issimo major man the hit man this guy right here this is incredible man he keeps on coming back

and he ain't gonna lose him we love this guy i want to thank you so much for the honor to be

a participant and being on this show for so long thank you so much generalissimo

head of my new show my carly so brother thank you man over to you big man there you go uh yeah just

to wrap up here thank you everybody at lonesome loser sending in numbers everyone who joined in

Jen Stewart, everyone who sent in numbers, Jaime, IG69, Lonesome Loser already said,

thank you, sir.

You're the man, Lonesome, Nunu, Big Baz, Kokanee sent in numbers.

Everyone, I'm forgetting a bunch of you, but thanks to everyone who did.

And everyone who called in and everyone who listened and everyone we prank called.

Thank you.

Yeah, according to this.

Thank you.

That's right.

Yeah, so just real quick, please embellish me here while I talk about this.

Deron Williams is the Nets, one of the good players for the Nets.

They're one of the top point guards in the NBA,

and he's apparently available and looks like the Nets might be wanting to trade him out.

That'd be okay.

They're also interested in Hito Turkoglu, who's a Magic player.

They can get rid of him.

He's a fucking Turk bastard.

He sucks balls.

He used to be good, and he sucks.

He'd get rid of that fucking Turk bastard, Turkish bastard.

And Elliot, you've got to thank him, too, man.

Elliot did a wonderful job there, man.

You know, Turkish.

Oh, that guy.

Yeah, yeah.

Have fun with the Turkish guy.

All right, folks.

We'll catch you next week.

See you, Muckman.

Take it easy.

God bless you.

Thanks, brother.

All right.

Thanks, everybody.

Thanks, everybody, for the well wishes with the eye surgery.

I love you all.

You're all the best fans in the world.

We just came through to check y'all niggas, you know what I'm saying, to show some love.

I'm saying us niggas don't know how long we're going to be here.

Feel me?

So enjoy this shit and enjoy yourselves.

And then we out of here.

Let's hit me.

The Aberdeen Wind Advisory Administration

Calls (30, 1 h 46 min of 3 h 56 min)

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