Milkman is not Black

Hey.

Yes?

It's 7-Eleven, sir, over here.

Look, this is the fucking middle of the night.

Well, if I can't joke with you, I'm going to fuck you up.

All right, asshole, I'm going to call you all back in a minute.

All right.

All right, good luck with that.

Who the fuck is this?

Motherfucker, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

The motherfucker.

Who's he to say?

That's my motherfucker.

Yo.

Yo, what's going on?

Oops.

This is DeLon from our 24-hour marathon, The White Devil, substituting for Carlito tonight, The White Devil and Milkman.

Milkman, how you doing, sir?

Carlito and I, we just, uh, gonna do it.

And, uh, many of the listeners have requests.

Listening to heavy metal, I'm always with you, man.

Musical music, playing in the two-beat piano, step to step.

Then you turn this off.

I can remember how to turn it off.

Before I do that, I just want to remind you, salami nipples, everybody.

If you listen to the marathon, you know what I'm talking about.

Milkman, you don't know.

You weren't.

Okay, that's better.

I'm concerned, man, but at least...

I don't know what just happened.

What happened, Milkman?

I blacked out for a while.

For a second, man, but you're back, man.

It's really haunting.

You're going to have to listen to it on Instant Replay here later on.

I blacked out like Michael Biggins there for a while.

Hey.

Anyway, so I'm Carlito, your host, Milkman's here.

Milkman, I didn't even talk to you about that.

Did you know that we did that 24-hour prank call marathon over the weekend?

over the Martin Luther King Day weekend, man.

It was hilarious.

You weren't invited, man.

I'm sorry.

No, you weren't.

I'm sorry.

Well, that's good, man.

Well, if you check your Facebook, your Facebook, you know, you have a Facebook,

you don't check it, nothing you'd know.

Why don't you go on Facebook?

Well, I don't look for communications usually from you from the Facebook.

I usually look more over at direct mail.

Well, I'm sorry.

It's like a telephone message or something.

Well, I kind of just woke up to it.

Like, I woke up on Monday morning, and RBCP told me, hey, they started it last night.

I was like, oh, shit.

But I was feeling really sick.

I had a massive headache all day Saturday, all day Sunday.

Remember I told you it was, like, dehydrated last Thursday?

Yeah.

Yeah, I know you were kind of a little itchy there.

But, you know, it's just Monday and Tuesday both off, man.

Really?

Yeah.

Wow.

I didn't know you were all into Martin Luther King like that, man.

That's good.

Oh, yeah, my brother.

Good for you.

Yes, I am, man.

I agree.

One love.

All right.

All right, Milkman, do you like salami nipples, man?

Do you like salami nipples on a girl?

Big salami nipples?

Oh, man, they're awesome, man.

I like the brown ones, the baloney ones, the puffy ones, the hard ones, the long ones, the tiny ones.

Man, I'm not too hard to get along with there.

Mamas are females.

Okay.

All right, well, Milkman, good for you.

Well, there we are.

Huh?

There we are.

We're going to do a show.

Five-quarter tall ones.

Five-quarter tall, Milkman.

Man, I don't know what that is exactly.

It's five quarters.

Okay, well, there's a measuring contest that some girls do.

They stack up quarters, and they see how tall their nipples are when they're hot.

So get the girls a five quarters, man.

You've got something going on.

I'm not privy to that one.

I didn't know the women would do that.

Oh, yeah, man.

Oh, yeah.

I'm hanging out with the wrong women.

Well, hey, anyway, I'm Carlito, your host for the night, Milkman Cereals.

So madhouselife.com is the website to visit, of course.

as always a lot of things going on there the forums are in effect the uh the podcast the

prank cast as i like to call it that's there also you should check that out that's always fun

i enjoy the prank cast i just edited last week's show finally got put up yesterday

the one with those angry black guys the milkman the one that wanted to wants to

fuck you with the john holmes dildo that's up there thunder and uh and slant thunder and

And AOL Yahoo Instant Messenger users, Madhouse Radio.

Again, if you're on AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger, Madhouse Radio.

MSN Messenger users, MadhouseAtLive.com.

Check us out on Twitter and the Facebook machine.

Madhouse Live on Twitter, Madhouse Live on Facebook, Madhouse on Twitter, and Milkman.

There you are.

Milkman, what can we talk about?

I received feedback that we spend too long in the beginning of the show

talking about stuff that no one cares about, like sports,

instead of just doing prank calls.

Well, you know what?

You know, unfortunately, this show is not a prank show.

This is a multi-verse show.

We have variety here.

We're not a one-trick pony.

We do make commentaries on political issues, techno issues, sports, you name it.

We've got quite a few stuff that we do touch on.

and you know

if they really

enjoyed the last

week then we

could do that

again this week

that's no problem

if they requested

it I'm sure we

could find

something to

discuss

yeah well

it's a prank

show Milkman

I'd say

I mean when

people ask

like if people

ask me like

what kind of

show do you

have to tell

us it's a

prank hall

show

it's a comedy

show

I always thought

it was more

than just the

conception of it

it was more

than just a

prank show

because like

okay what

happens when

the prank

stops

at the end

of the show

we can't

do prank

Ain't everybody hangs up and leaves?

No.

We provide other sources of entertainment.

Good point, man.

Good point, bitch.

Hey, that's good.

What happens when the phone lines go down?

What happens when we get a bunch of bomb numbers?

We stop the show, everybody tunes out?

No.

Right.

We always have something there to provide with your ear balls and your ear goggles out there around the world.

That's why we are so well beloved and we've lasted so long because we're not on one trick hunting.

It's not only, only called.

We've never really had any breaking news.

I don't think we ever had any breaking news happen during a show.

Well, we had that earthquake that you were in once, right?

Yeah.

Nothing ever really happens on a Thursday night that we can just break.

Some people died.

I mean, you know, we've had famous people on the show.

You know, we had lots of different, you know, there's lots of different.

I was thinking over the past, like, how many different famous personalities we had.

We talked to, what was it, Bob Denver.

You know, there was a bunch of them we were talking about.

I was watching a show that had Gilligan on it the other night,

and I was thinking, man, we talked to that guy, really.

I asked him if he was on the line when we talked to this guy.

All right, well, I just want to say Ted's going to be joining us here a little bit later on, he said.

He wants to print called Indians.

We can surely take care of that.

We can scratch that itch if you want.

Sure, man.

Yeah, man.

love pedo man

love Mr. World of Web

anyway

other stuff going on

I can't deal with

right now

I'm just doing it

how's your jeans

keep going man

have you got

something to do

what

still busy with

his training

for the national

team

yeah he's still

working on that

dude is awesome man

you know he's been

doing them 12 ounce

curls man

you ought to see

his forearm now

man this guy is

amazing

he's got huge

forearms

skinny body

it's his big ass

forearms

yeah they're big

around to my thigh

man that's big

yeah well here's

Here's something I wanted to talk about.

Newt Gingrich, remember we talked about him?

Did you hear what happened to Newt Gingrich?

Well, the last thing I heard was his wife, his latest wife,

that he dumped, man, was on a bus.

Well, here's what happened.

I don't know if you saw this, Milkman, but there was a debate today.

All right, so Newt Gingrich running for president on the Republican ticket,

one of the four that are left because Rick Perry dropped out today.

Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and Ron Paul are in that order

or how they're, you know, placing right now for the most part.

And then yesterday, Georgia Report leaked out that, what's his face,

Newt Gingrich's ex-wife held an interview with ABC News

that was going to, you know, destroy his political career.

And apparently it said he was cheating on his wife or something.

When she got multiple sclerosis, he started cheating on her and stuff.

Yeah, they were out together whenever he was doing that family value thing

and his wife was dying.

and he was screwing this next one that he married

and then he actually dumped her and picked up another wife.

Is that not right?

Yes, exactly.

And then he told that lady, the ex-wife,

that he wanted to have an open marriage and all this stuff.

So get this, Milkman.

The very first question in the debate today between these four,

including Newt Gingrich,

the very first question from John King from CNN,

he asked Newt Gingrich to comment on it.

And Newt Gingrich went off.

but like new gingrich really handled himself like really well like seriously was like i'm appalled

you know i'm appalled that you would you know start the debate with this trash and stuff and

all these people stood up and started applauding new gingrich i think it's going to have a positive

effect on new gingrich to be honest with you i don't think so i think it is think about the

context of it man at this time this guy was shutting down the government because uh people

People wouldn't agree with what his radical policies is when he was in the Congress.

And then he also purged for the impeachment of Bill Clinton because he got a sticky stuff.

Come on, man.

This is the same guy that was going to screw around, the same guy that is appalled that he got a sticky stuff.

He sought impeachment for a government official for getting a sticky stuff.

Come on.

I know.

And then at the same time, he got impeached himself.

This is called modern-day republicanism.

He got impeached himself.

He did.

For money scandals, for his illegal money issues.

Yeah, Bookapoo just said in the chat room,

I sense Carlito's a conservative and it saddens me.

That could not be further from the truth.

No, they don't know Carlito.

we'll stand up for

principles and discuss issues

no no no I'm not a conservative

it will come back to

your main point

I'm not a conservative

hell no if you haven't listened to our shows

from 2008, 2007

2006

I'm definitely not my friend

conservative

we miss crazy fuckers

well I worked

I've worked on several

democratic campaign campaigns um during these years but i've become disillusioned by the obama

administration someone just asked why doesn't whether in a democrat run against obama because

the democratic leadership wouldn't let that happen that's why they just said that kind of thing

doesn't fly if if you're holding the presidential you know position you know another another that

just doesn't happen anymore it hasn't happened since like the 70s maybe the 60s that that's

Something like that's happened.

Yeah, the Democratic leadership aren't going to split that.

And, you know, what's going to happen?

What, Hillary's going to run again?

She's the Secretary of State.

But apparently, you know, people keep saying that Hillary and Joe Biden are going to swap,

that Hillary's going to run as the vice presidential ticket,

and Joe Biden's going to take the Secretary of State if Obama gets reelected.

Supposedly, Joe Biden, that's really the position he wants,

and apparently Hillary wants to become vice president

because it'll show her in for a 2016 presidential run.

That would be a very interesting show, man.

I mean, you know, that would be fast things that would occur, man.

I have my doubts on it, but it is a good talk, man.

I mean, it really manifested itself.

It would be interesting to see how it would go, you know,

with all these perks, you know, a swap, you know,

You know, an ongoing black leader and also a woman in office at such a high level.

I mean, just imagine, man, when the PMS button got pushed.

Oh, God.

It's all over.

Yeah, and Greg, you're making a good point.

He's telling me don't identify myself, particular party, Democrat, Republican.

I'm like that now.

To be honest with you, I probably won't vote.

I have no confidence or faith in any of the Republican nominees with the exception of Ron Paul.

Paul. I could see myself voting for Ron Paul.

And to be honest

with you...

There's nothing wrong. The machine is probably going to

be whatever the...

But it's got to be

transparent. It is kind of a...

It is kind of a catch-all.

Okay. Good point, Milkman.

Well, thank you for that. Now we've got to have

a conversation after the show

about that.

We have some material.

Yeah. Anyway. Well, you know...

Anyway. I'm not even...

I'm not even going to vote.

I'm not going to vote this presidential election

because, to be honest with you, I don't have any faith in it.

I don't want to hurt Obama's campaign, but I don't want to help it.

That's all right.

So I won't vote for anybody.

I'll probably go vote.

I probably will vote, but when it comes to the presidential, I'll undervote.

I will not vote for that and that one at all.

I'll vote for a senator, congressman, whatever is available up here, and that's it.

Well, you know what?

Unfortunately, the rich by proxy thing that Reagan and all those guys have preached for so long

It never manifests itself.

Although we vote for you guys to steal our money and everything,

you will just give us some of the money because we suck bikes.

And there is quite a proxy trickle-down piss on your head economic thing.

This model has never worked.

Look at where it's got us now, man.

We have no factories, no manufacturing, nothing in this country, man,

but service industries.

Exactly.

And I cannot in good conscience say that I won't vote against that.

I would have to vote against it no matter what, like it or not, if there's a candidate I want, I still have to vote against that because I've lived through it.

And I saw what it was like before Reagan, and now look 30 years into Reaganomics, where we're at.

Welcome to the new world. This is the one that's at glance.

So I will vote. And unfortunately, it's not going to be probably for anybody or somebody that I wish all that much for these days.

i am sort of disappointed but i have to vote i have to vote against the proxies

give up i give up no answer there from that gentleman let's connect uk ted here

uk ted how you doing hey how's it going very good hey i um i started watching your lost cosmonauts

um documentary i didn't get a chance to finish it before the show but i started watching it

it looks pretty good so far i'm sorry oh thanks yeah it's uh it's actually the assignments due

in tomorrow morning so oh well good that's that kind of stuff interests me and uh yeah i noticed

you didn't mention um someone commented and i was going to say i thought you would i thought for

sure you would have mentioned how they all the it said that there was a cosmonaut that made it up

to space but uh he died on the way down and but the soviet you know soviet government didn't

release information because they didn't want to look at

a failure, you know what I mean?

Isn't that the whole thing?

Yeah, that's what it's all about.

That's what it's all about? Okay.

Well, that's cool. There you go.

They released the first

successful. That was the difference between

the early

American space program and the early

Soviet space program. The Soviet

one, they would release after

a launch and a landing

or whatever, recovery.

Then they released the news and the pictures

in the video uh but in america they always did it live you know it was always live and

you know radio broadcast and everyone could see it when it was happening so there was an accident

there was mud on the americans faces but that's how we do it man uk ted and you guys should learn

you guys should learn you know

now uk ted i'm a little confused i was listening to the marathon recap and i heard something about

You have a thesis on feces or something?

It was you talking in a monotone voice.

What was that about?

Did you get that?

Did I lose him?

No, it's about how people react to documentary films, basically.

And I should be doing it right now instead of playing on Madhouse.

But I have my priorities.

You do have your priorities, and that's fine.

You can incorporate this in.

There you go.

All right, cool.

We're going to do pranks so people don't start complaining.

We're calling the hungry bear.

I have no idea.

idea it's probably going to be a loud place and i'll start this off here hungry bear oh uk ted

yeah um hang on uh i'll call you back okay hey uk ted can you do your uh real quick can you ask

this place for honey but do it in your toothless man voice uh what am i asking for i just asked

them for it's called the hungry bear i just wanted you to be goofy and ask them for honey

said that you need honey but asking that goofy weird toothless man voice that you were doing

in on Monday or whatever? You know what I'm talking

about? What are you talking about?

There's nothing wrong with my case.

There you go. Alright, cool.

This is how we'll start the show off.

Okay.

They're not picking up.

I told them I was going to call them right back.

What a jerk.

Whatever. Anyway, so I'm being advised

breakingnewsfbi.gov

the website has been

hacked by Anonymous. Milkman, did you

know about that? I guess that just happened now.

Yeah, man, but I didn't know what everybody was

who's going to find out about us so far, man, so quickly.

The DDT is behind that whole thing, man.

He's hacking it for you.

I'm trying to get to the page, and it's not coming up.

I don't know if people are just trying to reach it or what, but...

How about the Google protest and the Wiki protest, man,

against this law where they're trying to push it through.

These freaking Congress people are on the side of the big media people,

and if they want to be able to commandeer any site,

ISPs stopped them from being

able to put their material out that they

think are evil is copyright

intervention.

Well, the website, it's loading for me

just slow, but it's loading up.

I guess they already fixed it. I'm pretty sure that's a site

that'd be... I'm surprised it got hacked,

but after it did get hacked, I think they'd be on it

pretty quickly. Wow.

It was down for a little while, but

they pulled it back up pretty quickly.

Still funny, though.

What did it say? Was it just dark?

Did it just go dark, or what did it say exactly?

No, it was just the standard server not found,

as if you typed the URL incorrectly.

Oh, well, good. Good for them.

Good for Anonymous.

Good for picking on the FBI.

Good luck with that, guys.

Well, one nice thing that they do

is that they do show the exploits out there,

and they do bring organizations' awareness

to certain issues and security vulnerabilities

that they have in here in the system.

I was watching the debate, and Rick said they asked the four people what they thought about SOPA and PIPA,

which I wanted to mention, I wanted to apologize.

I didn't mean to make the madhouselive.com, you guys probably didn't even care or notice,

but I didn't mean to make the site go dark.

yesterday uh for that and i got home i was so freaking tired i started working on it i i

i had the page ready to go and i had to go take care of something and i fell asleep before i had

a chance to actually upload it via ftp um so i had it ready to go and by the time i got home

from work and i really i was like oh shit i was gonna do that and then i was like what am i gonna

do it now it was like six o'clock in the afternoon at that point i was like it's freaking stupid

I didn't mean to make madhouselive.com go dark in solidarity with other sites.

PhoneLosers.org was down also.

I think Brad brought it down.

Wikipedia, Google changed their logo.

Reddit was down, I believe.

Quite a few.

You can still get to Wikipedia mobile yesterday.

I don't know that much.

So do you know if this is something that you're going to go for?

I guess so.

Well, that would be the whitening of the site.

What was that, UKTed?

What were you saying?

Do we know if this SOPA thing is actually going to go through or not?

I doubt it.

I can't see it going through.

What I was getting at was the four politicians, the four candidates, rather,

that were being asked that question, what they thought about it.

And Ron Paul was like, hell no, I don't support it, but look out for the next one,

the next wave of bills that's going to come across.

And then Rick Santorum, they asked him, and he said,

where did this come from that the Internet is, what did he say?

Hang on, I got the tweet also on it.

And I was like, yeah, douchebag, that's exactly what the Internet is about, you dumbass.

He said something really stupid, and I was like, you're an idiot.

Hang on, let me look at that.

Santorum says,

Gingrich, Paul, on illegal immigration,

the candidates are asked about their stance on SOPA and PIPA.

Here we go.

Santorum said property rights should be respected, but that SOPA legislation has gone too far.

But then he said, the idea that anything goes on the Internet, where did that come from?

The idea that anything goes on the internet

Where did that come from

Does he live with his head up his ass

Where did that come from

I don't know

1994

When the internet first started getting kind of big

Where everyone kind of realized

Whatever goes is on the internet

Isn't it just supposed to be a network

Of free speech

And doing whatever you want

Where did this idea come from

I don't know

The internet is a playground.

You know, David Thorne said that.

Jeez.

What a dumbass, that guy.

He's a fucking kookanut, man.

Fucking Santorin.

He is loco.

You probably don't know what I'm talking about.

This guy...

It's open ports, man.

It's all about open ports and computers talking.

So what do you expect?

Dumbass.

Where'd this idea come from?

These guys just want to monetize it.

And they want to charge for the internet.

Not for the service.

Yes, hello.

Indian food.

Want some honey?

Yes, hi, I'm calling about Indian food to make an order for Indian food, a horse

Okay, well, go ahead

Alright, I would like an order of papadums

Uh-huh

I'd like an order of pilau rice

Sorry?

Pilau rice

Plain rice?

Pilau

Okay

Pilau rice, you know, okay

And I'd like an order of mader chad

Sorry?

Mader chad

I can't understand you

You know, ban chad and mader chad

What?

Ban chad and mader chad

I would like to order that also.

Can you spell it?

Bhenchod.

Oh, boy.

B-A-H-N-C-H-O-D.

C-H-O-D?

We don't have that.

C-H-O-D.

No, we don't have that.

No?

Do you have, let's see, do you have Ulu Kapata?

Sorry?

Ulu Kapata.

Can you spell it?

U-L-L-U-K-A-P-A-T-H-A.

No.

No?

Is this not Indian food?

It's Indian cuisine.

And where are you from?

Are you Indian or are you confused?

I don't understand.

We are from India.

South and North Indian.

You're not Indian?

South and North, both.

What?

South and North.

South and North?

Yes.

What is that supposed to mean?

South and North Indian food we made.

You don't make East and West?

Is that what it is?

No.

Does anyone there,

can you ask someone about Bhenchod,

see if you know how to make it?

No, we don't have anyone make.

there is no we don't have in menu what do you mean you don't have a menu what do you what do

you do do you what do you do you put stuff in a pot and you mix it with your foot and whatever

comes out that's what you eat for the day huh hello yes what you are ordering is that we don't

have in the menu no do you have well do you have the sister then sorry sister a sister for me oh

you're a woman right hello she knows what i'm talking about i'm being dirty and i think i'm

she's attracted i don't know how to spell bench i've seen different spellings but i've heard b-e-h

also b-e-h-a-n i don't know bam yeah i was calling about ordering banchad banchala i don't know that

one understand me what do you mean you don't know what about modern chad i don't know that one

well i heard that you have banchad there i don't know that one no menu that items are you indian

yeah then you know what this is i don't understand that one bunch of banchad you know what it is

You know what it means.

You know what I mean.

Hello?

they're

just not angry they're nice indians they're uk ted and milkman you know i'm gonna mess with them

they definitely don't feel intentional did you hear the devil voice come through okay there

was that is that what you heard at the end it didn't sound like a mix right it sounded like

straight devil or was it like regular carlito plus devil at the same time good it works i'm

calling another indian cuisine new news also sending in numbers yes i was wanting to make

an order for indian food okay yes hello yes i'll have to make an order please hello yes i'll have

to make an order please what's your name my name is cross and the order i want to make an order for

um chicken tikka masala do you have that yes we do i'll make an order for pilau rice and pop it

arms hello okay and one order of banchan they're not fighting tonight man what's going on maybe

Maybe there's some kind of Indian peace festival going on or something that we don't know about.

Maybe you meet...

Get Milkman to place the order and you can make the white devil noises in the background.

Maybe.

This is not fair, guys.

I don't like that.

They're not playing around, you know?

It's a little bit lower in volume, maybe.

Your actual voice.

It's lower in volume.

That was better.

Good.

Thank you, Milkman.

I'm glad.

Nikki's Chat Cafe.

C-H-A-A-T.

I think that's Indian food.

C-H-A-A-T.

Sounds like another

Sounds like that's how they say shit

C-H-A-E-T

Yes this is Indian food

Good are you Indian

Are you from India

Oh good because I just want to make sure you have

Authentic Indian food

Oh good good well let's make an order then

For pickup

Do you have pilau rice

Pilau rice

Okay rice pilau

And do you have any chicken tikka masala

masala? Yes, we do. Okay, two of those. Okay, do you like it medium or mild? I like it spicy,

like Indian spicy. Okay, and then also I would like the bhenchod. Which one? Bhenchod. What is

that? Can you spell that? B-A-H-N-C-H-O-D, bhenchod. I don't, we don't have that. Do you

have matterchod? Which one? Matter, M-A-D-E-R, matterchod. Matterpaneer you're talking, right?

No, matter chod.

Why do you not have this?

This is Indian food.

Do you have ulu kapata?

Me or what?

This is a menu that I want.

This is from the regular Greek food.

This is from regular Indian food.

Bhenchod, matter chod that I want.

You are very, very intellectual.

Why do you say that?

Because I like Indian food?

Thank you.

Is there a problem?

Is there going to be a nasty problem here with you and me?

Fuck, man.

I think UK Ted's right.

It's not easy to upset.

They're like, how do you spell it?

And we don't have that.

Yes, you give me banshee right now, I'm going to kick you in the face, punch you in the cock.

Listen, do you have a mother?

Do you have a mother?

This is Justin speaking.

Oh, hi, Justin.

How are you doing?

What's your badge number?

3178.

Well, that's funny because I know I...

I've already got your phone number, okay?

Well, the badge numbers are six digits.

Listening to this, you're talking to that guy over here.

I was listening to you calling that guy.

Is that what happened?

I don't know what he said

He said four digit badge number

What?

Come on officer Justin

You bitch

He says they don't allow Indians to be in the police

You're right you know you got Latinos in the police

You got blacks in the police

You can see some Asian police

Never seen an Indian in the police

Have you ever seen a Sikh cop with a cop hat

can you can you imagine i've never seen an indian in the police no maybe like the it

department at the police that's it he doesn't have a gun

what imagine wearing the seek turban though man you know like they put the cop apple on top of

that yeah the big sheriff star in front of a big old beard they don't have beards milkman he's

He's got mustaches.

Yeah, but I mean like a big old hefty beard.

Poison eye.

I don't normally have beards.

Legend.

Poison eye.

Poison my eye.

I'm like, Jay, I'm like.

I want to hear tar.

I want to hear tar bash.

Oh, shit.

Why are you guys doing this to me?

I'm pissed off because Johnny Brennan contacted me when this podcast was coming out for the first time.

He was like, hey, Madhouse.

Hey, Carlito.

I like your stuff.

You know, promote my podcast on your podcast.

podcast i like to come on all this stuff i said hey mad cool man that's cool i'm a big fan you

know why don't you come on and i interview you we'll do a prank together or just interview you

son he never got back to me and i came on here i said hey everyone check out johnny brennan's

podcast and shit and i hate even you know he didn't have the common decency common courtesy

to do you know do the little interview with me like he said he was going to his people reach

reach out to me it wasn't like he sent in a mouth mass message it came to me he was like hey you

know johnny brennan says he wants to he's a big fan of madhouse not a big fan of madhouse he said

he he has listened to madhouse stuff and he would like to uh reach out to your podcast something

like that i got the email came to my gmail i don't even know where he got that gmail account from

you sound genuinely heartbroken well that was i was a motherfucking i came on here i was telling

everybody go on you know check them out on facebook let's check them out and he never

ever fucking came through that's like he's like fucking captain jacks an asshole so we'll play

we'll play his mortal enemy uh tarbash the other guy kamal they hate each other now let's play his

prank call everyone go to kamal's podcast i need you to help me my shoe my cat is ripping my shoe

my my my toe is hanging out so bad i could say hello to it can you please fix my shoe

Hello?

Can you help me?

What do you...

Yeah, what the...

Help me.

Who is this?

Who do you think it is?

I'm a magician.

I need my shoe for tonight.

I'm doing a gig.

And what...

My shoe, my toe, I could play piggy heel.

Let this little piggy went to the market or my shoe is ripped.

Yeah?

What the...

Can you fix it?

Where's the shoe?

On my feet.

My cat is attacking me.

I'm supposed to train them tonight.

Why did you scream?

that all teaches a lesson never to play with kitty cat thank you continuing on doing more

prank calls here you can't say what's going on in the chat room you having trouble there with

people no they just need a few heads bashing together i'll keep an eye on them there you go

i'll op you go nuts anyone else i should open there this is about the time in the show where

milkman wants me to tell him who's in the chat room i'll let you know carlito's in there lonesome

loser new new big stallion the friend of ours tabachi's in there tuck uk ted also there also

triple d dirty aaron gregulate gregulate underscore jfk is jack corrupt corruption

caraz legend 813 the legend is here mst3 clay mpsa cobra or napasa cobra pure evil the end

Then, or then, Wawo Bukapu the Star Poppy IG-69.

Hey, Nightwolf.

That's my furry friend.

And William272.

William272, checking in from New Zealand.

How you doing?

Now, hello.

Hello.

Hello, hello.

We passed over Ken.

Someone said Ken.

Ken's here.

Big Ken's in the house.

Are you kicking people already, UK Ted?

Don't kick Ken.

He was being racist.

Ken gets real emotional, man.

I'm going to have to take your mods away.

see i told you ken's already upset i'm not being racist sorry ken i love you oh boy now you've done

it what is ken ken don't be racist ken no there you go ken you get him back big toke big tokes

here also all right got a lot of requested pranks here we can get to tonight including a brand new

you ding my car from rbcp now he said the guy sounds kind of he's always brilliant uh this is

is a brand new carding call he just left me a voicemail about an hour ago so this is about

about four hours ago five five hours ago saying he found a note on this car he said a very confused

said he couldn't find any damage he didn't leave a name and my name should be roy unfortunately

he sounded pretty wimpy so he's not too sure there's potential for anger here uh but maybe

we can confuse him and make him feel weird inside let's give him a call i think i could make him

you probably could actually yeah you take this one let me start it and if we do a callback maybe

you can be my lawyer that's always fun because usually lawyers get brought up in this whole

brouhaha i don't know uh i don't know your american legal junk that's fine sue everybody

that's what it is okay yes hello i uh my name is roy i was calling you about the car i had

damaged your car oh you're the guy who did that yeah i'm sorry you probably noticed i fixed

Fixed quite a bit of it there.

I'm a mechanic, so I was able to fix some of the damage that I did when I got mad with your vehicle.

Oh, you're a mechanic?

What?

You're a mechanic?

Well, I used to do a lot of body shop work, frame bending and stuff like that.

But there's some permanent scratches and a dent in there, so I'm sure you probably saw where that was.

I actually didn't see anything.

Okay, well, you know where the gas tank is?

Yeah.

Yeah, well, I started kicking around there a little bit,

and I was trying to remove the fuel, the gas from the car and stuff like that,

but I don't know, did you just, was your car, like, low on fuel?

Like, was that on E or something?

I'm sorry, what did you say?

Was your, did you have, like, not too much gas or something?

Like, were you close to E or something?

No, why were you checking the gas level in my car?

I was trying to get some gas out, and I kicked it around to open it up,

and I took the cap off and everything,

everything but i i put the hose in there and i kept sucking and sucking fuel out but i couldn't

get any out i don't know what maybe there's a problem with your gas tank or something i don't

know how how did you get into my gas tank well i was kicking around it and it came loose it just

well yeah so i kicked all around it and the metal bent and everything like that and it came loose i

don't know it probably wouldn't open back up now as i had to kick it force it to get back in closed

again i just i just wanted to be you know do the right thing and tell you what happened but

You really need a fuel.

You know, you shouldn't keep your gas tank that low

because you get water and sediment in the gas tank

and it'll mess up your fuel lines, man.

Oh, you kicked my brand new car, is what you're telling me.

I was just trying to get the gas out of the car.

You tried to siphon my brand new car?

You tried to siphon the gas out of my car?

Well, I need a gas.

Um, let me get...

What kind of car do you drive?

I drive a Dard Stratus.

Okay, your car is shitty compared to my car.

What do you drive?

I drive the car you kicked.

Okay, and?

You're telling me you don't remember what kind of car that was?

No, I know what it was.

I mean, I don't know much about cars.

I just know that's how you get gas out of them.

That's how my dad used to get gas out of the car and take me to school and stuff.

I mean, what were you trying to do?

Are you rubbing your money in my face now?

I'm not rubbing anything in your face.

I'm just telling you that you kicked my car.

So?

I need a gas.

And that's a priority here.

I need a gas to go pick up my children from school.

Okay.

So I was doing school as well.

Well, I needed to get to my school.

pick up where my children were

I was at the wrong school

and here I am, I made it all the way to your stupid school

and I'm on E

no gas in the car, my car won't start

and here's this nice little car, whatever

I need to get gas out of the car

I'm looking at my car right now and I see no damage

at all

I did a good job then, I guess

wow, I was only gone for like 4 minutes

like literally 4 minutes

yeah, I can steal a car in 30 seconds, man

you didn't steal my car

you apparently destroyed my car and then fixed it

No.

It doesn't make any sense to me.

I was trying to get gas.

Trust me, if I wanted to steal your car, I would have stolen it, and you never, you know,

at least I didn't do that.

It would have sent me a lot of headache and trouble.

Okay.

Well, this only happens...

So you got a brand new car, and you're already letting it run low on empty on gas already?

How old are you?

Me?

Yeah.

15.

You're fucking stupid.

You're going to ruin that brand new car, aren't you?

You can't let the car get that low.

You can't let the gas get that low.

It gets damaged.

It messes up the fuel.

My gas is not low.

I siphoned for like a good three minutes, and I couldn't get any fuel out of it.

It was not low.

I never let it go past halfway.

Well, I must have done it wrong.

I'm trying to get around the fact that you claim to have destroyed my vehicle, but I see no damage.

I didn't say.

I kicked around the gas tank lid to force it open, and then I kicked it back in to close it again.

Yeah, my car is a brand-new car, and they're not made out of metal anymore.

more. If you were taking my car, you would have fucked it up. No, no, no. No damage. No, I use

blunt force. You know, you round out the impact force. I use the bottom of my feet. You use the

bottom of your foot. Yes. See, at this place, in the four minutes I was picking at my friend.

Yes. Like I said, I can steal a car in less than 30 seconds. If you want, I'll try. I'll show you

how. Would you like to learn how? And I don't, I don't wish to learn how to steal a car. I

have money to buy a car um you're telling me this and this actually happened let's see here

let's see this wasn't too long ago it was only um noonish well i was doing heroin it was about

five hours ago maybe a little more yeah you would you'd still remember what color my car

that was a long time ago for me time enough i did no doubt i would have to go with black

you didn't know what what school was i parked at chico and chico chico yes no and it's all blur i

I was very angry.

I don't...

Is it a blue car?

I don't have a blue car, no.

I have a blue car.

It was a red car then, because you have a lot of money.

I'm colorblind.

Colorblind, what is this?

This is about your car.

I just want to let you know.

Look, I'm not looking for your charity.

I'm not offering charity.

Wait a minute.

I'm feeling it now.

It's just not making...

Listen, I'm...

It doesn't make actual sense.

I'm feeling it now.

Oh.

Hello?

Leaning towards more of this rank, and...

What about your car?

Yeah.

What?

It's a nice...

You have a nice car.

A nice car.

Yeah.

I watched you get out of your car and walk into the school.

Hold on.

I followed you for a while with your friend in the car.

Salami nipples.

What?

You have salami nipples?

I can't understand what you're saying.

You have salami nipples?

Salami nipples.

Salami nipple?

Nipples, yeah.

What color are they?

Are they darker than your skin?

Are they darker than my...

No, they're not.

They're not darker than the skin around them?

No.

Why are you asking me this?

Is it like pink kind of nipples?

Or centaurum?

Rick Santorum.

Yes.

Is that correct?

Yes, it is.

C.

Okay, yep.

That means you did it.

Yep, yep, yep.

UK Ted.

It's only Rick Santorum I know, Jay.

Shut up.

UK Ted, you got anything for him?

I think this guy's a fucking idiot,

and it pisses me off that someone at school

could possibly have a nicer car than you.

That's right.

Milkman.

Where did he get this money from?

I think it's a bit suspicious.

Milkman, anything for the gentleman?

It's a...

It is.

Milkman, do you have anything for this gentleman?

You think it's suspicious that I have money?

No, you're on our...

It's obvious that you're a drug dealer.

You're on our...

Definitely a drug dealer.

You're on our internet radio show, sir.

You're...

Why would you be...

Why would you be against people that are colorblind?

I mean, come on.

Yeah, seriously.

He has ADD.

Come on, man.

He can't help it.

Yep.

That's not my problem.

Yeah.

Anyway, you're...

What is your problem is you're going to make fun of him.

Yeah.

I didn't make fun of him.

You're not going to make fun of people with...

I just said that that was a fault.

I said that was a fault.

I did not make fun of him.

Good point.

Well, just by the fact that you're putting him down, you made him feel terrible.

I mean, he was just...

I didn't put him down.

I said that was false.

Another story.

No, you're like, you're like, you said your car is shitty.

Yeah.

That's not my fault or my problem.

Listen.

I think you need to change your attitude.

All I know is that I got apparently a prank note left on my car and a random unlisted

number.

Trying to have a private number.

I mean, come on.

People find out these things.

We know about you guys that are negative and always putting down handicapped people.

I'm handicapped people.

This is the 20th century, you know.

I haven't been allowed that negative attitude.

What a negative attitude.

Me stating a...

You're trying to contradict the conversation and twist it.

I'm not trying to contradict the conversation.

I'm not against handicapped people.

I jerk off to their porn all the time.

Listen, Milkman, all right, listen, the jig is up.

All right, listen, you're on our internet radio show, okay?

Someone submitted you to be pranked, and here we are, all right?

I figured as much.

Something was going on.

Do you know anybody who would do this to make you look humiliated in front of 92 people on the internet radio right now?

They're usually having the person that does that, so probably everybody.

We're on Madhouse Meat Spin Radio.

Have you heard of us?

Actually, I have, yeah.

Have you heard of Madhouse Meat Spin Radio?

No.

Okay.

Do you want to check out the website?

Maybe the chat room is right in the front of the website.

You might be able to see who it is that submitted you.

Maybe you know who they are.

Yeah, I'm not going to go to meat.

It's meatspin.com.

I'm not going to Meetspin.com.

Oh, you already know about that.

I guess that didn't work either.

Well, this is part of the prank call where I let you go.

Thank you.

Wait, I do have one question.

Uh-huh?

I have one question.

Yes?

What is the actual name of your show?

Meetspin.

It's not Meetspin.

It's Blackout.

What?

Blackout.

Blackout?

Yeah, Blackout's Box.

Blue A-O.

It's Blackout's Box.

That's it.

I'm Blackout.

It doesn't make any sense.

My name is Blackout, and this is KDK.

I thought you said your name was Roy.

No, it's a joke.

I'm Blackout.

KDK's here with you.

Hi.

And he's my co-host, yeah.

And then Dr. Lego is from the UK.

Hey, how's it going?

He's also known as Jen Stewart.

He's even mean.

Yeah.

What?

He's even mean.

Well, thank you, buddy.

Hey, enjoy the new car, all right?

But seriously, don't run it low on gas, okay?

Just a word of warning.

I never did.

Okay, good.

See you later.

Oh, shut up. I hung up on him already.

God, he's annoying. He's stupid.

He's rich. Super rich kid.

Blackouts box.

I got bad news.

I'm hoping some of you were ripping the...

I forgot to start the encoder recording.

I caught it in the middle of that show.

Of that prank, rather.

But the first 58 minutes of the show

did not get recorded, apparently.

Damn.

It's just been going for 58 minutes.

The show has, right?

Yeah, it's 11.17.

According to the counter, yeah, it was encoding for 58 minutes and wasn't recording it.

I just started it now, but lost it now.

The video feed is recording, so what I might be able to do is I'd have to sit and play the video feed and record the audio.

It's going to be really bad quality.

Unless somebody ripped it.

I only meant to call in to check in with you guys and say hi and then go back to work.

Fuck, I didn't realize we'd been here for an hour.

Yeah, well, probably about 40 minutes you've been here with us at this point.

Well, dude, I don't want to keep you.

Your thesis is due tomorrow and shit?

Tomorrow morning, yeah.

And you've got to give a presentation?

No, no, just hand it in.

But I've got to get it bound first.

Oh, well, you should go take care of that, man.

Don't get in trouble.

That's important.

Yeah, I will.

This is my last ever piece of academic work for the rest of my life.

Are you a major?

What's your major or whatever?

Or was it rocket science?

Yeah, basically.

Well, what is it?

What is it?

I'm minoring in brain surgery.

Okay.

All right.

What are you, the hospitality, the hotel stuff?

Is that what you're majoring in?

That's just to pay for my fascinating facts degree.

And what's the picture, the big picture you had there you were talking about?

That's a sheik or something?

Was that you in the chat room?

No, that wasn't you, was it?

Ah, never mind.

That has nothing to do with me.

I don't know.

Anyway.

Confused you with somebody else.

I'm going to get back to work.

Anyway, have a great show.

All right.

Happy holidays.

see you okay ted bye holy shit there's a lot of people on the phone what oh okay i store like

eight numbers that came up when i first connected it must be all the numbers that you've called

previously or something yes that's right and we uh we get rid of one ted and bring on another

ted webb is here now hey ted webb how you doing hey hey maybe you'll have better luck with the

the indians because they're just asking me how do you spell it when i say bancho and i tell them

and like no we don't have this on menu and they hang up that's it that's all that's all i can get

out of them yeah milkman's here also is a good friend of yours milkman you guys go back to the

days in a braille building yep when i hit him upside the head with that old fucking record

yeah remember that milkman knocked you out clear out for a week he was trying he was trying to

give me the hucklebox behind the boards there all right let's quit talking about that guy i'm

I'm upset at him.

So I have a short announcement to make.

Oh, an announcement.

Go ahead.

BluePlanetHosting.us is no more.

It is now BluePlanetPrankRadio.com.

Yeah.

And I have a new graphic on there that I paid some Indian guy to make.

So, yeah.

You told me.

Yeah, it seems like a good deal.

I might do that for Madhouse because Tuck gets all upset if you ask him.

No, he doesn't get upset.

He's a busy guy.

But, yeah, I don't know.

I don't want to make a banner for the top, but I want to make a banner for promoting the show, you know,

to put on forums and stuff like that.

Well, cool.

So what is it again?

Blue Planet Prank Radio.

Okay.

It just flows off the tongue.

You didn't think maybe Blue Pranks?

Was that available?

I don't know.

I'm just saying.

It could have an alias, you know.

Yeah.

I can make multiple domain names that go to the same damn place.

Oh, yeah, I know.

Hello.

You can make 98.6 The Mouth go there.

98.6 The Mouth.

The Mouth.

Crunchy guitar at the end of that.

All right, let's continue on here.

Where's The Mouth at?

98.6 The Mouth.

Huh?

Sorry.

Stop that name.

It sounds really official.

The Mouth?

I took out 6themouth.com, and I had 98 as a subdomain.

so it was 98.6 the mouth that you could go to and i just let it lapse i got over it lasted for

about three years though you're gonna 98.6 the mouth.com hey let's do some prank calls all right

yes did you want to call indians i got the bombay banquet hall we haven't called them yet

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah all right here we go did you get to hear those jim stewart pranks

he said he was gonna put more out but he didn't yet oh no i i went to the youtube site but then

and I forgot to download them.

Aw, man.

Probably rip them to MP3 tonight.

Okay, good.

And sell them.

I'm not giving them money.

Sorry, I had to laugh.

I don't know.

He's just like, what the fuck?

Wait, wait.

I speak modem.

There was an old Saturday Night Live bit with Bill Gates where he started speaking modem.

I remember that.

That was a while ago.

He started going...

Hello, Chur. How are you?

I'm good. How can I help you, sir?

I'd like to place an order, please.

Can I make an order for takeaway?

Yes. Hold on, please.

Okay.

Yes, what would you like?

Do you make pila rice?

Yes, we do.

do you make um tikka sala excuse me the tikka sala no we don't make that why why don't you make

it hang up third time's a charm hang up all right he's not very interactive no he's coming

yeah um i'll google voice on indian people i i know some indian restaurants we can call

okay send him in send him in why don't you and in the meantime let me uh call him from the google

voice maybe he'll uh pick up on a different number coming in he's got to right i mean they

gotta take orders right they gotta take that's true yeah they gotta keep the business going yeah

man shit oh tandoori oven oh like ovens you gotta get like the places that are hole in the wall

because the fancy places are not actually don't actually have people don't have indian people

answering the phone yeah yeah you'll get mexicans and stuff answering the skype i'm playing i'm

doing it through gmail it's a whole whole thing he's just not gonna answer the phone oh he's got

to call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system wow we'll give a little bit

anyway we'll let me call numbers uh i think you can it'll tell me it'll ask me if i want to add

it to the call which yeah go ahead if you do that it should prompt me you should say do you want to

add this to the call. Charges may

apply. How do I hate this Skype interface?

How the frick do I know?

Add call. Add to call.

Add to call. Shit pop.

Yeah. Add to call. There we go.

Got it.

Hello. Hello.

How are you? Very good. Yourself?

I am good. I want some Indian food.

I want some Indian food tonight.

Hold on a second, sir.

Yes, sir. How can I help you? I'd like to make an order.

Sure, sir. What would you like to have? I'd like one

chicken tikka masala. One

One chicken tikka masala.

One paneer tikka masala.

I don't have paneer tikka masala.

I have a shahi paneer, palak paneer, and matta paneer.

Why don't you have it?

Because maybe I don't know how to make it.

That's why.

Okay, let's try something else.

How about the pila rice?

Yes, I do.

Oh, very good, Chur.

I'll take the pila rice.

Okay.

What else?

Do you have the sala gandu, utta?

Excuse me?

Do you have naan bread?

Yes, I have naan.

Okay, I'll take regular naan.

Okay.

And my friend is on, he wants to add to the order.

Okay.

Yo, Steve, you want to get some of your food on there?

Hello.

Yes, I wanted to order here.

Yes, sir.

Would you like that?

Yes.

Let's see.

Do you have Papa Doms?

Yes, I do.

All right.

Two orders of Papa Doms.

Mm-hmm.

One sister.

One what?

Sister.

Yes, sister, you know.

And Bhenchod.

Steve, does he have any sister?

Do you have a sister?

One second.

One second, let me put the recording, hold on.

One second, hold on, hold on.

Okay, now you talk.

Yeah, go ahead.

What is that sound?

You put us in a casino?

One minute, I put you in the recording.

One minute, let me put you in the recording.

I'm going to put you in the recording.

They have a collection of recordings of people who call them for dirty things.

He's like, what?

Okay.

Right.

I had to mix in the curse words in between legitimate things.

What's this chur?

When you say chur, what's that?

Is that fucker?

Kind of.

Like.

You fuck?

I wish I knew the real meaning.

We don't know the real meaning of half of these words.

I know.

And it's a big insult to call him an owl.

Writing them out phonetically.

Yeah, so I'd like to make an order.

Order of what?

For food.

Food?

Yeah.

You got the wrong number.

Who's this?

That's right.

Who is this?

Your mom.

Who?

Do you have a sister?

i can fuck hey dog hello i'm gonna fuck you up is that so i'm really sound you sound tired dog

oh wait you come up in here and get the rest of these nuts oh this is the guy that has the drugs

right that's what i was calling about hey man is this snowing i copied a different number i was

supposed to prank call it says someone sent in a number for that's a good idea actually to call

just like somebody's house and pretend like you're placing an order that pisses people the

fuck off the best is when you do uh wake-up calls he says this is your 5-a wake-up call

and we do it all the time you know but anyway um yeah that's that someone sent a number it

just says chicago drug dealer and i meant to dial it i copy pasted the wrong number

calling back later oh calling back sounds like he sounds like somebody

you're asking if it's no one i'm gonna fuck you up i tell him i'm from the rough streets

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

It's like a real posh neighborhood along the water.

Oh, man.

Hang on.

Let's not let the drug dealer's phone number get out of here.

Still trying to get a hold of the angry Asiatic.

He does not want to answer today.

Oh, those guys?

Yeah.

He is not answering tonight.

Maybe they're making bean pie.

Maybe they're playing with that John Holmes dildo that they threatened Milkman with.

What do they keep calling me?

Yeah, what's up?

Assalamu alaikum, my brother.

What's up?

Hey, man.

Listen, I just had a quick question.

Who are you going to vote for?

Can you vote, or are you a felon and you can't vote, right?

Are you a felon and you can't vote, or were you planning on voting?

The felons can vote now.

Where?

Oh, you can vote in your state?

Okay, that's cool.

No, and my felony is about 20 years old.

So it lapsed.

I can vote.

Oh, that's when you punched that dude in his face, right?

No, no, that's another one.

Oh, okay.

I mean, you a hardened criminal, dawg.

Yeah, man.

Reels.

Is that the mulatto back on?

It's me.

It's your favorite person, the mulatto.

The mulatto bisexual, homosexual, you said.

Yeah, yeah.

The mulatto who gets fucked in the ass with the John Holmes dildo, according to you.

You like it like that, don't you?

I do.

And I want you to come over and do it for me.

Oh, my goodness.

Can we hook that up?

Yeah, we're going to hook that up.

All right.

Awesome.

Awesome. So, hey, did you hear about Newt Gingrich at all? Any ideas, any thoughts about that?

Any what?

Newt Gingrich, you know who that is?

Gingrich.

Newt Gingrich, you know, he's running for president.

The only one I know is that one.

How can you not know who Newt Gingrich is?

I don't know who that is.

Which one do you know about? Rick Perry? Ron Paul?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, him.

Ron Paul?

I know that one, what's the guy's name? He was on his show. Ron Paul, what's his name?

Alex Jones?

The homosexual dude.

He's funny as ever, though.

Homosexual dude?

He had him in a hotel room and was standing in the corner.

Bruno, yeah.

Bruno Vega?

Yeah, Bruno.

Bruno.

Bruno had him.

Bruno is real.

Man, that was fucked up.

You saw how fucking...

Ron Paul was scared of him, man.

You ever see that?

He looked like a dog cowering in the corner in the hotel room.

Man, that dude is real.

As real as they come.

I bet he ain't got a prejudice bone in his body.

Who?

Ron Paul?

Paul doesn't have a prejudiced bone in his body?

No, Bruno.

Oh, Bruno.

Bruno who?

Yeah, Bruno the, you know, Ali G.

Bruno.

Borat.

That guy.

What's his name?

Sasha.

That's all the fucking funny as shit.

Sasha Byron Corrin.

That guy, yeah.

Oh.

He was in the corner.

He stripped down to a list.

Listen, you got to be a big motherfucker to do, to get a motherfucking senator in a hotel room with cameras and took his clothes off.

He took his clothes off

With a thong on him

It was gyrate in the corner

Yeah

And then Rob Paul's like

That guy's fruity

Rather than a fucking

He says something like that

He's like

He's fruity

Rather than a fucking nutball

Yeah

Alright

Alright well Mr. Angry Asiatic

We're just checking in with you

You know

We don't want to bother you too much

You drug on last week

For way too long

So

No no

I'll have me some brandy right now

Oh

Brandy

Oh cool

Yeah

Kovacier

What are you drinking

Some brandy chastain

You drinking some Kvassier or what are you drinking?

Some Ripple

Oh, okay, Ripple

That's good

You have a lot of fans, you made a lot of people laugh

This week on the radio show

We appreciate it, man

You ain't got no radio show, man

Yeah, we do

Why can't we look it up then?

Meatspin.com

That was some gay shit

That's the show

That's the show right there

That's how it starts off

That's what it's all about

That's what it's all about.

Sorry, it's closed.

Oh, sorry.

Anyway, all right, brother man.

We'll talk to you later.

Take care.

Asshole, I'm going to call you back in a minute.

All right, good luck with that.

Bye.

Bye, fucker.

Asshole.

You can't call.

He's not going to call back the right number unless he's got the other number.

He's still on.

No, I hung up on him.

No, it's there.

No, no, no.

It's hung up.

Now it's gone.

No, I hear him.

That's Milkman.

Milkman's over there talking to a customer.

Milkman.

Oh, God, I can't tell the difference between Milkman and the Asiatic.

Oh, Milkman.

I've had people tell me that before.

Like, I thought Milkman was black the whole time.

I've had people tell me they thought he was black for years.

Listen to the show.

I want to close early.

Milkman.

What are you talking about?

Sounds like you're talking to a hooker.

Right.

Oh, that's not good.

Right.

right is the price is the price right what kind of restaurant is it jf yeah he's jagged no he's

not but milkman milkman what did i add i just like the god who'd you add good yeah we just have

11 i'd like to make an order yes i want uh two large pizzas one mountain dew two liter uh wings

cheese sticks bread stick uh italian salads that's good yeah do you have any coupons

Do you have any coupons?

Yes, always.

Well, what coupons do you have?

Any coupon, any coupon for you.

Does the coupon give me your sister for free?

Yeah, take the phone out, okay.

I'd like to make an order, please.

The other guy took my order, but he went away.

Which one?

I want to make an order for a pizza.

I know, make an order for me.

What?

Pizza, get it, get it.

Was it a 7-Eleven?

Yeah.

Did they know you or something?

there's some random yeah very good very good very good i'm in trouble that's right that's right

some milkman saying right he's conducting business in the background man he's just

i'm telling you he's hustling hustling ain't easy yeah milk milkman's asked me not to post

this picture you enjoy the following music while your party is being reaped i can't do that ken in

in the chat room says piece of ass exactly what it sounded big slice of ass milkman yes hey man

i had to let you go because you were working on a piece of ass yeah are you all right what's going

on yeah yeah i got a customer so i'm gonna go on hold hey i'm gonna put your picture on the website

real quick all right all right thanks do it he said yes okay all right cool we'll show milkman

everybody here real quick that does not tell him he's we're muted so he can't interrupt us

All right, everybody.

Anyway, let's get some more numbers here.

Oh, you know what?

Nunu sent the numbers, and we got a request of pranks I was supposed to get to.

I'm going to try to get to these here early.

Someone says, tell him you were the guy stalking him last night in the 83 Chevy truck.

Oh, boy.

That sounds specific.

Wow.

Okay.

Sure.

I guess I will.

I want to talk to the Chicago drug dealer again.

All right.

Let me do this one first, and we'll do it.

You got it, man.

my blue planet prank radio is that it did i get it right yeah no answer there i think he's on the

phone we'll have to call the uh stalker chevy truck guy back uh in the meantime let's call

chicago drug dealer yay yay that angry black guy wasn't too angry today he was talking about bruno

he was working on some food i don't know did you know what he was talking about he said that

and that's true like in that bruno movie um he uh was doing he was interviewing ron paul in a hotel

room and they made the light explode and they had a high they had to go to another room and had

hidden cameras and bruno started taking his pants off and dancing and gyrating and ron paul looks so

scared ron paul was like oh and he ran out it was like fuck this is not enough i didn't see it

yeah i felt bad it was a horror it was a bad movie though it was nowhere near as good as borat but

apparently there's a new one coming out though

Sasha Baron Cohen's doing a new one

forgot what it is exactly

your call has been forwarded to an automated

voice messaging system

I don't know

nothing

the drug dealer isn't answering

no

yeah

listening since the old days

and the show has never been better

the angry Asiatic black guys are the best

so glad you're still making show spaces

Zach thank you Zach

appreciate it show spaces thanks for listening for so long we appreciate that show spaces these

guys they don't miss a beat man the the madhouse listeners i love them all man they don't miss a

beat they'll come up with references just crack my ass up shit i don't even remember i'll read

the chat room sometimes after the show's over i can't catch this stuff but i'll go through and

i'll just see the craziest wackiest shit they're putting in there oh boy venison said he's checking

Picking in from a Windows 98 SE machine.

Wow.

To the future.

What's that, Milben?

You would not blame me if you just seen the two lovely ladies I just had in the car.

He was working on some ladies.

You were working on some ladies.

I'm telling you, these Brazilian girls are my favorite.

Oh, my God.

Dude, let me tell you.

I was with a Brazilian girl once, and the girl, I'm not, let me make sure Athena's not listening.

this girl

would put ice

up in his

up inside of her

and then we

oh my god

she would put ice

up inside

you know

the vag

you know

and then we would

fuck

I swear

I don't think

it would last

in any of these girls

they would probably

have been folded off

like steam

cause I mean

smoking hot

yeah

yeah dude

she would

ice

you put like

like ice

like crushed

like

it was like

small ice cubes

that she would

Yeah, they weren't, like, huge.

She wasn't stretched out or nothing.

I mean, but it was just weird.

It was a very intense sensation.

I don't know.

I recommend that.

Any ladies out there, if you want to get your men excited, put some ice up in there.

Dad, there you go.

You got something to do for the weekend.

Yeah, apparently.

Apparently.

That girl was a freak.

Oh, my God.

She was a freak.

Hey, go on.

You'll have to put, if you put my picture on there, you'll have to put her picture on there, too.

All right, cool.

Milkman, I didn't put your picture up.

They're asking for it.

Some people are asking if you're black.

They thought you were black.

I never thought you were black.

All I got to do is look at my Facebook site.

I mean, I got my picture on my Facebook account.

That is not your picture.

Of course it is, man.

I'm a black Amish farmer.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay, Milkman.

Well, you're black and Amish.

Does that happen?

How does that happen?

I don't think there are any blacks.

How do you get a black Amish person?

No offense.

maybe by force or something i don't know man that might happen i mean it's horrible to think about

but poor amish yeah anyway i found pictures of dr lego i can put up oh look at that i got a

picture of reclude i know how to picture reclude look at that yeah reclude look at that i should

put that up yeah he sent me a picture once and i never posted i got picture reclude i got picture

picture of Dr. Leggo on here. I got the

Dead's picture. I don't have

Ted's picture. I think I've

seen a picture of Rex Lute and Star

like the old girl.

Starlight, wasn't that her name, Ted?

Yeah, Starlight. Yeah.

Yeah, she had the red hair.

She had a kind of goofy nose. Right. Yeah.

But she was pretty. They were like doing the chemical romance

thing back in the back, I think, when I

seen the picture.

I found a picture of you, Milkman. Do you think

I can put it up? It's a picture of you and Mika together.

Am I allowed to put that up?

Yeah, put up the Facebook picture I got, man.

You can put up my Facebook picture, dude.

All right, you got it, man.

All right, here we go.

Let's put a picture of Milkman up on the video feed, everyone.

I hope you're excited.

Get ready.

Very excited.

Get ready to see Milkman.

Well, Milkman, you got on video once, too, I remember.

Briefly, like for a little while, you were on the video feed once.

But it was so bad quality that I told you to knock it off.

yeah that was back on the

satellite link update there man there's milkman everybody and his cat me keg milkman you look

look like a retarded simone it does look black it does not look black that's that's the cat ted

what's with the uh curtain the red curtains around the picture oh i just felt like putting

and curtains up tonight, Ted.

What's wrong with that?

I was wondering if it was part of his picture.

That poor cat looks so scared.

Look at it.

He's like, oh, please.

His other thumbs up my ass.

Oh, poor Mieke.

That's a weird cat.

Let me show you another picture of Mieke the cat.

That'll scare you.

No offense, Milkman, but Mieke was a weird-looking cat, dude.

Mieke was the best.

I hear his reclude.

I'll put a picture of a reclude here real quick.

That's Reklut right there.

You guys never saw him.

There's Reklut for y'all if y'all even remember who Reklut is.

I imagined him.

Is it?

He's lost a lot of weight.

Have you talked to Reklut in the last year?

I haven't talked to him like in about two years.

Yeah, man.

The last time I talked to him, he was coming to L.A.

And then I told him what's up, and I never did hear from the guy.

Oh, shit.

Well, I can't tell you, man.

I can't do nothing for you, man.

You can talk a lot.

I don't know.

Here's another pic of Milkman.

Oh, man. Milkman's showing off his long hair in the middle on this picture.

That's very weird.

Well, I've got one picture on my Facebook, man.

What?

There's only one picture on my Facebook, man.

I don't know what you're putting up, but there's only one of me on my Facebook, dude.

I really wanted another picture of you.

These are pictures that you've sent me, like, a long time ago.

Oh, no, no, no, man. You've got a picture for my Facebook, man.

Oh, okay. All right.

That's the only one there is.

You look really handsome in this.

I don't know what you're coming up with.

They're bullshit, man.

I don't know what you're putting up.

I can't see it, but it's definitely not me.

I don't know.

Maybe this isn't Milkman, then.

All right.

Anyway, let's continue.

We took a little break there.

We're going to do some more prank calls.

You guys wanted to see him.

There you go.

Let's get Big Ken on the line here for a little bit.

If you want to show him my real picture,

you take my Facebook account,

and then you can show him my real picture.

I'll work on that, Milkman.

Then I'd have to go and save it.

It's a lot of work, you know?

A lot of work for me to do right now.

Well, if you're going to go to all that, man, you've got to make sure that you give them the real picture.

All right, guys.

We've got Nicholas Restaurant Lebanese Food.

I ate there earlier, and the manager was yelling at the waitress.

The manager's name is Zaid, I think.

Or Z-A-Z-A-Z-A-E-D.

Zaid sounds like a man's name.

I don't know.

But whatever.

We'll do it.

Big Ken, how you doing, Big Ken?

Good, good.

How's it going?

I'm good.

Thank you.

Thank you for asking, buddy.

Yep.

I don't know.

Milkman's picture there got me kind of erect.

I'm trying to calm myself down

Yeah, man

Hello, carajo

Carajo

Hello, carajo

What?

Carajo

My Skype crashed

It said it was a problem

And I stopped it

I don't know

Nicholas on Broadway

Yes

Hi

I was there earlier

And the manager

Was being mean

Can I speak to him, please?

You said

You were here earlier

And you

What?

The manager was rude

And nasty

Really?

I want to talk to him

I have words

Him? Well, the manager's actually a lady.

Well, that's what I want to talk about.

Oh, okay. One second.

Here's your words.

Nicholas and Rowan, how can I help you?

This is Zaid, Z-Aid.

I'm sorry?

Who's Zaid, Z-Aid, Zaid?

Zaid, the owner's theater is not here.

Well, Zaid was yelling at the waitress.

I'm sorry?

The Zaid, I was there eating, and Zaid was yelling at the waitress.

Yeah, I was yelling at the waitress.

Yeah, and I don't want to be going there and have my family seeing this man yelling at the waitress.

All right, yeah.

And listen.

I think.

Mijo, I don't want to go there anymore.

He's going to yell at you.

And here's what happened.

And listen what else happened.

And he took the waitress to the bathroom.

Okay, yeah.

I will talk to him and let him know what you guys said.

Listen, Zaid went into the bathroom with the waitress.

They went in there and he was hitting her.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah, I will.

And listen, I went into the bathroom and I looked and he pulled down the waitress's bare bottom.

He pulled down the pants and he had her bare bottom.

Oh, really?

Yes.

Well, I'm sorry about that.

I mean, I will talk to the owner.

And then he was spanking her hard on the bare buttocks.

Tied her hands together with his necktie.

All right, so listen, this isn't going anywhere.

So when I ate the food there, how long until I have to go to the bathroom and take a shit?

in the toilet.

I told you not to ask those questions.

I was going nowhere fast.

Like how she was all nonchalant when you told her she was bare-bottomed.

She was like, oh, really?

No kidding.

Really?

She acted like that was an everyday occurrence around there.

Oh, yeah, it's normal.

That was Dirty Aaron sending in that number.

Thank you.

Dirty Aaron eating Lebanese food.

How nasty of you.

London Craigslist.

Football tickets.

Chelsea versus Bolton.

Alright, what's football?

What's football?

In England. Soccer. Let's do it.

Boom, boom, boom, boom.

I'm going to watch a man's sport.

What, where they use their hands?

Pigskin.

All right, that's it.

What are we calling?

That call's failing. I'm trying to call the UK.

Got to fix the country code, I guess.

Oh, boy.

Getting tired, getting tired.

Got about an hour left to show if I make it.

Uh-oh, someone put something in the milk and a photo bucket.

A photo bucket?

Yeah, someone took a screen cap, I think.

Yeah.

They took a screen cap of the live screen.

We have a photo of him.

And like in the...

Hey, I just sent you a G-Talk, man.

Did you get it?

Yes, I got it.

On the ticker on the bottom of the picture, it says,

Over crude sex prank on drunk.

Okay.

Thank you, Ted, for contributing.

Quiet, please.

Thank you.

Whoa.

Yeah, you have football tickets?

You have football tickets?

Is that yes, or what are you doing?

What?

Excuse me.

do you have football tickets please respond hello football tickets oh he's gone never mind

that was a pain yeah not to get off topic carlito but did you hear the new news about that captain

that crashed that ship uh about how he actually claims that he uh got off the ship i heard the

italian coast guard had to force him back on or something well he claims that he was helping

lower a lifeboat and he tripped and fell into the lifeboat that's why he was oh what an asshole

What a dick, that guy.

Hey, Chile.

Oh, UK number.

Robbie, can't take your call right now.

Just leave your message after the tone.

Jeez, a lot of things going on there.

Yeah, what the captain says, they were lower in the lifeboat.

It got stuck.

He's like, and then all of a sudden, you know, it came free.

He's like, and I tripped and fell in the lifeboat.

He's like, I couldn't get back on.

Nothing I could do.

Yeah, right.

Okay, sure.

It's like, are you fucking drunk making up these excuses on why you're off the boat?

people say they saw him drinking too and shit i don't know at the bar the shit bar before it all

happened and during it all in all you're just a brick in the wall continuing on moving right along

here let's look at some more requested pranks don't worry milkman you're okay bro it's okay

you're not i'm gonna have to send a number into you i got a friend who just quit his job because

there's a bunch of dickheads there i got some names and i got a number more football tickets

here arsenal versus manchester united so i guess we're calling them at what five in the morning

for football team for soccer

tickets. Brilliant. You're sending

in a number? You said, Ken, I'm sorry.

Yeah, I got a gold. Oh, you have a Facebook?

This is the Vodafone voicemail service for

079. Shut up.

And continuing on, Ted,

what did you add here? What's this number? 5-1

something. What's this, Ted?

7-11. How did Paul get to work

and stock my red velvet

cupcakes? God bless America.

So I know the name.

Hello? Hello? Can you add it again? I don't know

what happened. It, like, disappeared.

Oh, shit.

Now Ted's gone.

Saying hello to me or the call?

I don't know.

Who was saying hello to the call?

Not you.

No one says hi to you.

We lost Ted.

Hey, I finished my thesis.

Yeah, you bounded it.

No, no, I just finished writing it.

I'm going to bind it tomorrow morning.

Oh, okay.

Take it in, hand it in.

Hello?

I lost everybody.

Oh, shit.

What the hell?

That's weird.

I got to recreate the thing.

Hello?

Man, what the hell?

I don't know.

Everything dropped.

Give me a second.

I lost everybody all of a sudden.

Actually, hang on.

Let me play some music.

Let me fix this up.

Hang on.

Don't go anywhere.

Holy jeebus, what happened?

Please enjoy the following music while your party is being reached.

I don't know what happened there, Milkman.

We got everybody back, though.

Yeah, was Ted dropped off?

Yeah, he was Milkman's fault the whole time.

You don't have Skype.

You wish you had Skype.

So Ted, add the number again.

Add the 7-Eleven.

Apparently there's someone named Raj who works there.

This is a different one then?

Shit.

Where did the 510 come from?

Oh no.

Hello?

Are you my friend? I want to make an order.

I'm sorry?

I'd like to order a large pizza to go.

No, no, no, no, no.

Yes, one large pizza, um, yeah, one large pizza, one large, one large pizza and, uh, buffalo wings.

Yeah, I'd like to make an order.

No, for what, for what?

For one pizza with breadsticks and Mountain Dew.

No, man, this is 7-Eleven, dude.

What?

This is 7-Eleven, this is store 7-Eleven right here.

$7.11? Okay, I'll come pick it up.

Hey!

Yes?

It's 7-Eleven store over here.

It's going to be ready in seven...

I like how they hand the phone off to each other.

Like, one of them is going to know how to figure out what's going on.

Why do they do that?

Why do they just...

Wait a minute.

it they give it to someone else i want to order pizza here they give it to the the one that speaks

a little more english i guess that's what the meaning the thinking is i just can't deal with

this shit today here you take the phone yeah someone someone's asking for a pizza order

oh it's bullshit they do have pizzas there man yeah they have uh red baron in the freezer they

don't no they've got 7-eleven has these pizzas that are ready like in five minutes really whole

Whole pizzas, yeah, you can get them there.

Yeah, they're frozen, but they have a special oven that makes them from frozen to, like, fresh and really fat.

And they're not that bad.

They're, like, they're a step better than a frozen pizza.

They're like a big frozen pizza, I would say.

That's Tombstone.

Hello?

I heard someone say hello, goodbye.

What?

Bye.

What?

The fuck was that?

I don't know.

I'm doing it on Google Voice and saying, hey, goodbye.

Let me see.

Goodbye.

This goodbye.

What the hell?

I don't know.

Somebody's dicking with you, man.

Don't answer.

No, no, no.

That's me.

I'm trying to dial the number, and it's not going through.

Ted, try your number again here.

Did you have a different one, a 5101 you wanted to do?

I can't remember where.

Wait, wait.

I think I do.

It's up here.

510-G-SPAN.

I love Google Maps for the purpose of prank calling.

It makes it really convenient.

And back in the day, you could actually call places right from Google Maps, but they took

that away because it was being abused.

But you could sit there and hit dial.

Didn't we, like, use Google Maps to call a McDonald's in, like, Iraq or something once?

I think so.

I remember doing that.

We might have, yeah.

Yeah.

All my history is gone.

It was a Burger King in Dubai, I think, or something like that.

Where we asked if they had a license for pork license as a joke, and they actually do have licenses to sell pork.

The guy said, no pork license.

And you said, that sounds like a porno, license to pork.

And we started laughing.

No pork license.

Hello?

Hey, how's it going?

Good.

Do you have pizza?

I'm sorry, I can't hear you.

Do you have pizzas there?

Hey, don't do it.

Hello?

Hi.

Yeah, I'm going to...

What is wrong?

What's happening?

Thank you.

Hey, don't serve the other customers when you have a customer on the phone.

It's very rude.

Okay, what are you looking for?

I'm looking for you.

Huh?

Is your name Raj?

No, can you call a wrong number?

No, what is your name?

Can you call a phone?

I'm calling from the pink poodle. What is that? No, wait

Hey, you're being rude

I'm calling from the pink poodle. I'm a male stripper and

Can you hope please? Yes, I could say anything and he's just not listening to me

Hello, Kutara, which hello, are you Indian?

Not.

What are you?

Okay.

Where you call from?

You don't need to know about me.

Yes, I do.

What country are you from?

You don't need to know about that.

Okay.

I'm calling from the Pink Poodle.

I don't know.

What is that?

I don't know.

What is that?

It's a strip club.

I don't know.

If you want to talk with my manager or something like that, you can call back tomorrow morning.

No, I'm calling from the strip club.

I'm working here.

I don't know about that.

I'm calling from the strip club. You forgot your underwear here.

What are you talking about?

You left your underwear here.

You know, it's a 7-Eleven store.

Yeah, and you went to a strip club and you dropped your pants.

I don't go anywhere there. I don't know what that is.

You don't know what a strip club is?

Have you ever...

Are you saying you don't go anywhere else?

I'm not from the hell world.

You're not from the hell world?

But I come here to work.

Where do you come from, then?

You don't know about that?

Yeah, I do.

I'm an inquiring citizen.

You have the right to know.

No.

Let me find out your phone number and I let someone call you.

Okay, well, the reason why I'm calling is you went to a strip club and got a stripper pregnant.

No, I don't.

Yeah, you're the father of Candy at the Pink Poodle in San Jose.

Oh, no, no, no.

You got the wrong number.

That's what they all say.

You got the wrong number.

You're the wrong person.

Deadbeat.

I'm not live on San Jose.

Okay?

You don't have to live somewhere to have sex with a stripper.

Okay, you didn't know my name? How do you know about that?

Because I found your phone number written on the backside of one of our strippers.

That's the owner or my manager. I'm working here. I don't know about that, okay?

Did you write your phone number on the buttocks of a stripper?

No, I don't.

No?

Oh, now you remember.

And you call here, you don't know.

who I am, and you

think about that? I don't know, I'm just

you know. Huh? Maybe the

owner here, or some

7-Eleven corporation do about that?

I don't know, I work in here.

Hold on, the bouncer here wants to talk

to Tyrone.

Do you talk to this man, Tyrone?

Oh, you call him here to talk to me?

Hello? Yes. Yeah.

You know, you're 7-Eleven.

I work by myself.

Hey, pal.

Hey, pal. Hey, pal.

Hey, pal. Hey, partner. Listen, I'm the bouncer here.

You left your stuff, your trash here in the strip club?

No, I don't. I'm not qualified to do anything in 7-Eleven.

Only the owner does that.

What's the matter? You don't like women?

No, I don't.

You don't like women? You're gay?

You kiss me.

You have AIDS? You're a man?

You don't bother me, okay?

Listen, what's the matter?

I transfer your phone to the police department right now.

Shut up, you stupid. You kiss boys or girls? What's the problem here?

I thought you were going to do Boba Johnson.

I was confused.

You should have told me you were going to take him to the Maury show.

We're going to have a DNA test done to prove it.

I don't think he would have understood.

No, probably not.

I think it's the case for Dr. Phil's show.

Paternity test time.

Big Maven's there.

Milkman, you might be happy about that.

Milkman!

Yeah, do that.

She's my gal.

She's your bikini friend.

They went out on a bikini date.

Guys, you only wish she was your girlfriend.

Wow.

Okay, good.

Gang Green is checking in.

Gang Green, I wanted to ask Gang Green if he's still listening.

What the heck, Gang Green, man?

I haven't thought of that.

Man, where's that guy?

Where's he been?

He's around.

He checks in every once in a while.

I wanted to ask Gang Green.

I wanted to ask Gang Green, dude, you used to be pretty, like,

you used to communicate with Madman.

He used to run the IRC chat we used to have before this one that we're in now.

I was just curious

whatever happened to him

because like LazyNet's gone

I can't find Lazy-Net.de

it's completely out

and all the phone numbers

I had for Madman

are like disconnected

I used to

Madman used to come over

and hang out

at my place

he'd come visit like

twice a year to

Florida

and he'd stay with me

and Athena

for a few days at a time

we'd hang out

and go out and stuff

yeah he came over a couple times

I think

yeah he did

he did a show a few times

he did The Mouth

the show with The Mouth

Remember he did that

He was there for that

Yeah

But uh

Yeah

He's uh

He's missing

He's been missing for a few years

Just wonder

So what's gangrene saying

He got any information

Or what

Well I just put it out there

I don't know man

We'll see

Oh okay

Well we'd like to hear

From you gangrene

Yeah gangrene

Let us know man

Come on man

Yeah man

Okay

What happened to Jason

I was just thinking

About that earlier

Who

Jason was his name

Jason

With the glasses man

Like always talk about

His own show and stuff

Jason

Jason Hecathor

Hmm

What?

Jason Eccleston?

What's his name, Jason?

I don't know.

Jason used to talk about his own show.

Who used to call in, man?

The country guy, man.

Drove the bus.

Jonathan.

Jonathan, I'm sorry.

No, that's okay.

I've been trying to think of you all week, and I was going to bring it up on the show.

Whatever happened to Jonathan, I'm sorry.

Yeah, that's okay.

He was on recently.

Let's see.

Let's call Jonathan.

Man, I haven't heard from him in years, man.

Let me call him.

I think since we got that climb, whatever, the cops computed and shit.

It's the last time I think I heard from him.

No, no, no.

Hey, Cheese Boy, it's Carlito.

We're doing a show with Milkman.

He was just asking about you.

Give me a call back if you're around.

See you, man.

Cheese Boy.

He called in, I think, November.

He called in.

Yeah, talked to Artie and me for a little while.

Yeah, you were.

There's four raps, man.

Crazy guy.

He was going to send you cookies, if you remember.

Hey, let me play this prank call here.

here uh let's take a breather real quick and we'll do some more live pranks but this is what

this is a good prank that i did um over the weekend um during that marathon i wanted to

share it with you guys for who those of you who missed it man you guys did a marathon i told you

this at the beginning of the show you're missing a great show milkman uh listen wow man that's cool

Who all was in it?

Me and...

UK Ted.

RBCP.

Yeah.

Dark Stranger.

Tuck was on there for a while being loud.

Louder than he's supposed to, as usual.

You know how he is.

Unusual.

Yeah.

Jin.

Jin actually connected, but he didn't do any pranks when he was connected.

But no one let him talk.

Huh.

Yeah.

I got banned from the charity.

I didn't even get an invite either, man.

man. I wasn't allowed to talk either,

man. That's awesome, man. Well, you don't do

that. You're hard to get a hold of in the weekend

and stuff. And you were sleeping the

whole time, Milkman. I could have just

called you. My phone was on.

Actually, I was off for two seconds. I didn't know.

I didn't know. Why didn't you call me and say,

hey, I'm off? Because every time I call

you whenever it's not showtime, dude,

you, like, never answer. That's a lie.

That's not true anymore.

That's not true at all. You never answer.

You're always busy doing something.

You never answer on weekends.

pork and my wife hey listen to this hello

Hello?

Yes, hi, this is Bonito, I'm with the pizza

The pizza?

Yeah, you ordered the pizza, right?

You've got Tuscan salami, roasted veggie, eight piece breadsticks, one marinara, large hand tossed pizza

Are you guys downstairs already?

Excuse me?

Wait, yeah, we ordered that

Okay, so I was going to bring it out to your place

If that's okay with you

Now, how many people were there?

There's a charge per person, how many people were there?

There's four of us, including a kid, that's four

Okay, is the kid younger than 12?

Wait, hold on, sorry.

Why are you charging it for how many persons they are?

There's a $5 charge per person over the age of 12.

Extra charge that the driver, me, I'm Benito.

I'll be there.

We're going to be charging that.

Wait, this is the first time I've ever heard you guys ever charge that like that.

Yeah, we're coming out of Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

We're reorganizing here because of the economy.

So we do charge.

It's $5 per person that's going to be eating.

but if the child is under 12 years old then we don't charge is the child 12 or under okay so

how much was it again uh i don't i'm driving now i can't look at the it's not safe for me to look

but it's going to be uh five four people five dollars 20 extra dollars so 20 extra for that

yeah because it's five dollars per person unless unless you're a domino's plus subscriber do you

have domino's plus no we do not well you should have you should have you should have signed up

for domino's plus in that case because he's the one's gonna pay for it just a second jesus

yes yeah we don't want that anymore i'm sorry no the pizzas i'm the pizza the driver's already

on the way i'm not going to cancel that's already on the way then we're still going to

to charge you for the pizza you pay for you pay with a card did you pay with huh no we gotta pay

cash i mean that's ridiculous that you're gonna charge how many persons are gonna be in it well

the drive okay so the driver's gonna cancel the pizza but he's still gonna come by to collect a

delivery charge and a nuisance fee the delivery charge is two dollars delivery charge and and uh

five dollars for um late cancellation so he needs we're not gonna pay for that because that's

ridiculous why would you why would right why would oh my god we're not my driver my driver

before you guys hung up well when you sign up the recording tells you all the information but

you're not going to have to pay for the full price for the pizza uh-huh when you called

and now they have to charge us for that i mean we're not even going to get the food

and you still have to charge us jackman yeah the driver's going to collect a two dollar

Dollar delivery fee, $5 cancellation fee, and you should still tip them, though.

That's very, it's not proper for you not to tip them.

I know that you're not American, but you're supposed to tip in the United States for a delivery.

We have problems.

How did my niece order to you guys?

How did you?

He ordered on the Internet, on the website.

It looks like dominoes.com.

Okay, dominoes.com.

What is going on?

What is your call?

I didn't say that.

Mr. Jackman?

I know.

Oh, guys, we can't get your pizza.

We're going to pay you.

We're going to check dollars each.

Cancel it.

New coin, new pizza.

Why did you order online?

When did you order online?

We don't know.

You want me to cancel it?

Ma'am?

Yeah, we're going to cancel that.

Well, here's what I can do.

Here's what I can do for you.

I can cancel the pizzas.

You won't get the pizzas.

You don't have to pay the full price, the $82.

But there still is the $5 cancellation fee, $2 delivery fee,

and you should still tip the driver at least $2.

It's nice

So at least $7

The fees are $5

For late cancellation

$2 delivery

That's $7 and then plus a tip

And we recommend you tip around

Wait a minute

I can work this out though

It's stupid that you're going to pay us

$5 for a person that's going to eat the pizza

That's so dumb

Well if you don't hang up let me see if I can get a hold of the driver

If I can get a hold of him

But don't hang up because if you hang up he's going to show up

you still got to pay 80 oh my god that's so dumb and then we're not even gonna eat the pizza we

still have to pay the fuck that freaking stupid ass driver well if you keep saying bad language

and i might have to charge you more please no okay that's not nice just talk like that to me

i'm a human being too okay no i'm not talking i'm sorry but at the same time it's so stupid

she should know better we always order pizza on telephone you don't know that online i mean like

even if you do you should you should know that the fees that you're gonna pay for that at least

you should let us know about that you know what i mean because that's so stupid yeah or i think

ordering online you know what i mean that's so dumb i mean like shit yeah it's it's so it's so

stupid for those these people they keep ordering on the internet and they're so stupid they they

bother us all the time we hate let her know that we don't like that we don't want people

going to the website because it makes us do more work yeah i don't get it why do you even have to

order pizza online you can call so you can actually know what like you know how would

How would you like your pizza?

That's so stupid.

Yeah, it's so stupid.

Well, I'm going to charge you an extra fee here for so stupid.

So an extra $10 fee for so stupid, I think, is what's going to happen here.

No, I wasn't calling you stupid.

I was calling the one that other people you're talking about.

I was talking about those people that you were talking about.

I understand.

I'm sorry.

The driver might be there soon.

Do you want me to see if I can cancel him so he doesn't show up?

Yeah, please.

Please do.

And next time we won't do it again, I promise.

you were paying with cash

yeah

don't go anywhere don't hang up please

I want to see if I can get a hold of him okay

hello this is the driver hello

hello this is the driver

hello who's this

this is the driver from Domino's Pizza

yeah I connected the driver Benito's

on the line now oh hey this is Benito

what do you need I'm driving

Benito they need you to try to cancel

the pizza I said I put you through to

discuss it with them because I think it's too late

they have to pay yeah i don't know what that shit fuck that shit it's too late they're so stupid

right they know on the internet first first they do this internet shit that just like just delays

everything fucks up my whole evening now they want to cancel it no fuck that ma'am what's your

name mary fuck that you know you know just fuck that good point everybody good point brad and

And Carlito.

I hope you all enjoyed that.

Brad Bonito Carter.

That lady just, uh, that was her niece she was going off on for being so stupid.

You're so stupid.

And Brad said it just like a pizza delivery guy, too.

He's like, fuck that shit, dude.

No way.

I'm sure someone got stabbed in the house that night.

I know.

Well, the driver then eventually showed up and, you know, probably was like,

your total's 25 bucks.

Like, what?

That's stupid.

25?

back okay i was trying to drag it out for the driver to show but he wouldn't hurry up

she was starting to not talk anymore the other one you did when the driver showed up during the

call and the guy was flipping out on him i started busting up so bad during that call

that's an awesome awesome call am i the only one that thinks mary sounds fucking hot no she does

sounds hot really does she does she said but i don't know if she's uh she might be like lebanese

her arabic i thought it was filipina but she you know i guess you know as well yeah but she

she said something that sounded a little arabic also though kind of sounding oh my god but yeah

she does sound sexy though because she's got that may have blown you to get those extra charges

taken off i would have let her too my gosh sounded like angry you know you know their girls are hot

when they're angry they when they get angry they look really sexy i think that she's one oh yeah

ever yeah oh yeah that's why i'm guessing she's filipino yeah because they all do anyway

you're getting all excited over there ted you're excited you're done with college then

is this a bachelor's degree or you're not going to get your master's what's going on

master's degree wow good for you man it's all fun and games until she gets pissed enough

she snaps it off what what what are you talking about you know master's degree getting your

Your pecker broken off.

I don't know.

I have no idea how they're connected.

I don't get it either now.

All right.

We got a number here.

Someone wants us to ask her out on a date.

Dirty Aaron keeps calling in.

Let's make him do it.

Dirty Aaron.

Hi.

Yes, you called?

Hello, Banchot.

Banchot.

Banchot?

Dirty Aaron, we're going to call someone and ask them to go on a date.

I'm all for it.

All right, here, you do it.

Ask this person.

All we know is ask her out on a date.

Do it.

What's her name?

I don't know.

Slut.

That's it.

Oops.

I would have helped.

Dustin Kiefer.

He should have sent that.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, they all are.

Susan, leave me a message.

I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Not the tone.

Well, now we know her name.

Susan.

Susan is not home.

She sounded like Helen Keller.

You heard her?

I heard Helen Keller's a good fuck.

Chef Tony.

She doesn't complain?

That's right.

Yeah, man.

Hey, thanks for calling that Lebanese food restaurant, man.

Did they answer?

It sounded like the guy yells at the waitress all the time.

oh yeah the guy the bare bottom thing yes they did answer there i've done all the requests of

pranks except uh jaime has sent in uh some crankless people or jma jaime whatever it is

i'm getting tired i'm trying to keep doing the show no guarantees you fucks i'm trying i think

tombstone wants to call someone get a date i blocked tombstone tombstone wasn't learning

the shit out of me i blocked him he just wouldn't shut up it's like tombstone shut up man he's like

like do you do you want me to paypal you money to get me a girl like well how am i supposed to get

you a girl what am i supposed to do well how much money you want i don't want any i don't i don't

want to get you a girl i'm the last person to probably get you a girl i need a mistress first

myself so how much money you want i just blocked them just can't can't deal with it man can't

double tune i do hope afina doesn't listen to this show oh afina it's an interesting story

lost yellow let's see lost yellow trimmed in black cell phone casino so what someone put in a craigslist

ad that says lost yellow trimmed in black cell phone casino cell phone in it use same personal

things it please wow this is in jacksonville what casino the oh case okay whatever must have

iPhone or something.

Jesus Christ.

iPhone machine with a yellow case.

I guess so.

Yellow Nextel.

Let me try this again.

Lost yellow trimmed in black cell phone case.

No cell phone in it.

Oh, lost yellow trimmed in black cell phone case.

So somebody lost their cell phone case and put a fucking Craigslist ad on.

Ah, wow.

Really?

That's pretty cheap.

Okay.

I thought it was a casino.

You know, just some personal things in it.

It has personal things in it?

Whatever.

We can get them to describe, please.

Okay.

What personal things?

I think pictures, probably.

I don't know.

Who keeps things in their...

The party you are trying to reach has declined to receive this call.

Please try your call again with caller ID enabled by dialing star 82.

Oh, fuck you.

Google voice it.

Who puts anything but their cell phone in their cell phone case?

What's that about?

Come on, man.

Seriously.

I don't understand why you have a cell phone case.

In case you drop it?

They look nice.

Surely they're built with cases on them.

Well, I don't like to leave my cell phone in my pocket.

I like to have it on my hip, you know.

So I've got a case that goes on my belt.

You have an action pouch.

This is for cell phones.

I don't have a fanny pack or whatever you guys call them.

A bum bag.

A bum bag, yeah.

I'm going to fall asleep here.

Oh, we've got a lot of UK numbers.

Good.

Thank you, Lonesome.

You did?

This number wasn't even called me.

I don't know why.

Please leave a message after the tone.

Yeah, I was calling about your cell phone case.

I got it.

Thanks.

You got a call from the Macaroni Grill for what?

Macaroni Grill in California.

Here's the number.

They asked me.

I don't know what they want.

They said, can I help you?

And they called me.

I don't know.

All right.

Didn't you guys call one last week for that guy?

I don't see why they would call Milkman anyway.

It doesn't make any sense.

That number.

Call them up and find out what the hell their problem is, man.

Tell them that your macaroni was cold, man, and it didn't have any cheese on it.

I'm sure there was some seed in it also.

Salty.

All righty.

Here we go.

Who are we calling?

The semen macaroni grill.

Huh?

It's a macaroni grill.

I just called Milkman.

Milkman said we need to call it.

But what does semen have to do with it?

Well, Ken has semen.

He said there was semen in it.

They put semen on the macaroni.

Yeah, listen.

There's a problem with this sauce.

I got to go order this sauce.

This is disgusting.

What's going on here?

What do you got?

Huh?

What do you got?

I got those pork chops, and I got the pasta, the create-your-own-pasta, and this sauce is disgusting.

What is this, man?

It's Peppadoos, mustard, red wine, and butter.

Yeah, well, it's like super salty, okay, and it's not staying on the plate.

When did you pick it up?

About an hour or two hours ago.

Okay, do you want to get something else instead?

Yes, I'll make an order now.

What would you like?

I want a six-pack of Heineken.

Okay.

All right.

I want three orders of the pork chops.

I want, let's see, I want two pitchers of iced tea.

Of iced tea?

Yes.

You want to order this to go?

Yeah.

Then you have those, the bread there, right, that you give out.

I want five of those.

Okay.

I want one of those big pepper shaker things that you use to put in the oil.

A shaker?

You know the waitress comes by and she breaks the cracks of pepper?

Well, yeah, just give it to me then.

That's cool.

The big wooden pepper thing, pepper mill.

I need a large container of olive oil.

I need some industrial hand soap.

No, this is all the stuff I wanted to make this better.

What do you have in the bathroom?

Can you put some in a little to-go cup?

Yeah, you can.

Come on.

want to get a new pork chop sir well three of them yeah what's your name this is cross cross

yeah get you one new pork chop no no no that's not what i'm saying i said three and anyone get

you three but i'm gonna charge you for two no no this is you made a mistake and i need one of those

pepper mills to crack on there i need five loaves of bread a large container of olive oil did two

pitches of iced tea i have to charge you for the pork chops and the iced tea we'll make you a new

pork chop if you like no no i want three i'm really sorry i can't help you out then well you

give me two then come on man if you're making me come all the way out there you should give me back

you should pay me back you know for what i'm you know replace what was messed up in the first

and then you need to go the extra mile for my time wasted and gasoline wasted like dessert or

something no i want another pork chops i thought you didn't like the pork no the sauce was bad

Do you want a different sauce on it, then?

Yes, but I want two.

I don't want just one.

Okay.

We'll get you two pork chops.

We'll have them ready in 15 minutes.

Two pork chops, okay, and then bread.

I want the bread, too.

It's free.

Yeah.

Well, five of them.

Okay.

And like a large container of the olive oil.

Let me make sure.

Are you writing this down?

Yeah.

How many breads?

All right, five.

Five, and then I need a large container of olive oil.

And when I say large, like a big amount, like a gallon.

Okay, that's fine.

and what about the pepper thing oh come on what about parmesan cheese uh you it's free parmesan

cheese right can i get a whole block of it but it's free there's no limit you like container

of parmesan can i have like 12 containers of it 11 10 containers pork chops yes close in like 20

minutes we're gonna get them cooking now for you we'll have them ready when you get here don't

waste food okay don't waste food no we won't we'll make them are they vegetarian pork chops i thought

I thought I should do the right thing at the end and tell him not to whisper.

There you go.

That's pretty cool, man.

He would have stayed on all night.

He would have stayed on there for 20 minutes.

It's probably like, I don't want fucking clean shit.

Stay here.

Make sure you got to call him back, man.

This was closed.

And keep him on the line for a little bit.

Yeah.

I'm on board, too.

Hey, Carlito, I put a 7-Eleven in an African-American neighborhood in Portland, if you'd like to.

It's in the Skype chat.

Okay.

When you call them back, tell them you're stuck on the 405 in traffic, man.

They're going to have to pay for the gas, too, man, because you're coming back from Valencia.

I don't even know.

Oh, this thing is crazy.

What are you singing?

What the hell is that?

All right.

It's like a new Snoop Dogg song.

Well, it's a relatively new Snoop Dogg song.

Is it?

Is it about the road?

It's called L.A.

It's like, L.A., blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, riding on the 405s, you know, talking about

being stuck in traffic and how he still likes la i don't understand why he likes la but yeah

whatever man that's where he's from you know that's what i hear if i was in the congo i'd

like the congo no he wouldn't who are we calling i don't know 7-eleven black people

yeah what up hey who this uh my name is bubba yeah uh i want to i want to make an order please

Can you order?

Yeah, I want the 12-piece...

No, no, I didn't order.

I'm making this broth.

A 12-piece bucket of chicken with mashed potatoes and, you know, like a container of gravy.

Oh.

Yeah, when can I pick...

When can I come and get that?

You will come?

Yeah, I'm going to come and get my chicken and...

Chicken what?

Fried chicken.

The 12-piece family meal, you know.

It's got the chicken in the bucket and the biscuits and the gravy and the mashed potatoes.

Okay, it's ready.

Is it ready?

Yeah.

No, no, you're fucking with me because you've got to cook that shit first.

Okay, thank you.

Come on, dog.

It's ready.

If you want, come.

How much is it?

$129.

Bye-bye.

$129?

Hang on, let me try to talk to him.

Let me try to talk some sense into him.

Yeah.

I'm going to buy some jeans this weekend, Bubba.

The problem with people in Portland is they're too nice.

All that weed.

Yeah, hi.

I wanted to talk about the 7-Eleven and the floors.

Bro, I'm busy. Sorry.

Listen, shut up.

The floor is in a go...

I fall on the floor. I fall down.

Yeah, fucking shit.

Are there black people in Portland?

Or whatever? Oregon?

Yeah, there's a few. I mean, it's...

They say it's the whitest metro area

like in the United States, but...

There's a few neighborhoods, you know,

like right where that 7-Eleven is that goes off

on Friday and Saturday nights.

I've never seen a black person

at the register in a 7-Eleven.

I don't think I have either

But I think that one in particular

They hang out there at night

Yeah what else are you going to do

You got to hang out

7-Eleven man get some build going

What movie was that

There was a Jim Carrey movie

Which one with Dumb and Dumber

He just came out on the 7-Eleven

And there was like two black guys hanging out with Big Gulp

He goes hey Big Gulp

Alright see you later

Okay

okay that was the weirdest shit oh jim carrey rest in peace jim carrey all right well here we

are lost keys in portland speaking of portland lost keys on the morning of monday 116 two vehicle

remotes and various house keys all right cool i'm gonna ask this guy for his address just leave a

message i'll call you back at the tone got your keys james i had a good idea for that ready to go

leave a message i'll call you back you get a hold of that obviously he's not really worried about

losing his keys and i answer the phone yeah all right okay well here we are continuing on what

time is it we got about about 15 minutes left about 15 minutes all right cool we got some uk

numbers here from lonesome loser that we can get to i think new new sentence the numbers too that

wasn't paying attention to so what's the deal with nunu he just never calls in nobody's ever

seen him he just comes on every week is that right never never never seen him never called

them don't know a name nobody does he's the ultimate in keeping private in his whole thing

we don't even know we don't know for sure if he's a boy or a girl couldn't tell you man don't know

he's told me he's in his 20s as of a few years ago that's all i know i don't know man i've tried

i've tried to get him to open up he's like nope nope he's actually the tourette's guy man on

tourette'sguy.com no he's not could be a boy could be a girl could be both who knows and that's okay

I'm not saying anything.

Oh, Jimmy Falcons.

Let's call that UK.

Jimmy Falcons sent a print request, but didn't send it through the form, so I didn't catch it.

Oh, but it's a Chicago drug dealer.

He calls himself LOL, or the King of Chicago.

He's an egotistical prick, and he sounds a lot like the Asiatic black man.

He did sound like him.

I thought it was him at first.

Sells cocaine and heroin.

He won't answer, though.

We've tried to call him a few times already.

He won't answer.

All right, the UK.

Anybody want to call the UK?

Okay, I'll do them if any of you want to jump in.

I'll take it.

All right.

Go ahead.

Take the first one.

Roger Gunning.

Roger Dunning?

Gunning, like a gun.

Gunning.

Yes, hello.

Good morning.

Is Roger there?

Look, it's the fucking middle of the night.

What are you playing at?

You rang me up at 20 past four.

Now, what game are you on?

Get back to your own bloody country.

I'm fed up with this, all these cold calls.

Apparently, we've called her before.

Holy shit.

Wow.

Cold calls?

We definitely have to call her back.

Yep.

Here we go.

All I have to say is good morning.

Oh, you're being as nice.

Picked up and hung up

Stupid woman doesn't know how to use a phone

I guess this is

Lonesome checks all his numbers

And I guess she was just

Not happy that that happened

She was almost as fun as a hog's head man

We need to stretch her out a little bit

but call her back in a little bit and see if she knows what time it is.

Oh, by the way, Nunu sent me an article.

A car or a truck plowed into the Bulls.

Yes, hello, this is S.J. Williams.

No, I'm in America.

Yeah, well, you...

Well, I'm calling for you to wake up.

I'm calling asking you to wake up.

Yeah, it's time to wake up in the morning and do your exercises.

exercises who are you calling from well i i'm calling from the national light administration

i need you to turn off your lights in your house right now all of them well your lights are wasting

electricity you're supposed to people are trying to watch the stars tonight yeah turn off your

vibrator it's wasting electricity you understand how do you think you are i'm with the national

light administration my name is roger gunning where's my number from uh from the national city

city book from a bathroom mirror went to a pub and your number was on the wall it said call for

a good time no my number is x directory it was it was right next to a glory hole yeah there's a

there's a bathroom that gay people go and they have sex in it and they have written it on the

wall word of mouth is you're the best no it's true it's true come on it's true please will you for

me come on admit you suck i mean dick we need a pivot man for the circle jerk are you in i think

we lost him that was a we lost a patient yeah what happened you hung up what you hung up on

the phone accidentally what happened you were hey quiet i work for the national light administration

where are you two huh well we're in we're in the united states chicago illinois we're in the in

the telephone calls uh machine center you understand it's about five in the morning over

here yes i do yeah you're supposed to wake up at this time and have your tea this is the time

when the British people wake up

and have their tea and crumpets

and they go outside and they feed the cattle

and they do the chores outside?

Right?

Do you have to go outside to the castle

and clean up a little bit

and then the king comes around

and you have to genuflect?

Have you been drinking?

No.

I just understand.

This is how British culture is.

You wake up early in the morning

and you feed the cows

and you have breakfast and tea

and then the king comes around

and you genuflect for the king?

The lady's curtsy, you know?

And if the king fancies a bum,

then he has his way with you in the bathroom.

He takes you to the bathroom and he pulls down your pants

and he has your naked bottom in front of him.

That is true.

Do you not want to have your naked bottom for the king?

Service to the king?

How do you know he is a king?

Hello?

Tossers, you are.

Why don't you go and get a proper job?

Get a proper life.

Did you call us tossers?

That guy's a trip.

Wow, all right.

Let's let him dwell for a minute

We'll call MJ Williams instead

These are good ones man

Good work Lonesome

You got some good ones

I don't know if Lonesome found a good neighborhood to call or something

But this is a funny little group so far

I'll take this one

MJ Williams

Oh that was about Jesus Christ

It wasn't a cell phone either

Just a bunch of weirdness

Sounded like the UK nightlife

I guess so

This is Major General R.D. Wilson

Let me do this one. Hang on. I want this one.

You guys be quiet.

What is your major malfunction, numbnut?

Yes, hello. I need to speak to the Major General R.D. Wilson, please.

Do you know what time it is?

Well, I'm calling from the United States.

I'm with the National Light and Electricity Administration.

Well, it's very, very early in the morning here.

Listen, stupid. I need to speak to Major General R.D. Wilson.

I command you in the...

Well, can I give him a message?

Yes.

Can you write it down, please?

Certainly.

Are you ready to write it down?

Right.

Major Wilson.

Yes.

Your electricity bill is going to triple this month.

It's rubbish.

Well, it is.

It is not.

It is.

You're drunk.

No, no, no.

You've been running the electricity too much.

Keep writing down, damn it.

Listen.

Also write down, your wife is a stupid bitch.

Write that down on the paper.

Absolutely not.

For some reason, that reminds me of the phone loser's call using the teletype service.

Hello?

Yeah, did you write down this information?

Who is this?

I'm calling from the National Electricity and Light Administration.

So I actually fell asleep there real quick.

Again.

Well, imagine that.

Anyway.

Um, yeah.

Okay, let's call S.J. Williams again.

S.J. Williams.

Is that the angry man?

That was the, uh, yes.

The one who called us tossers.

Tossers, yeah.

The guy that the king is going to come around and have his way with him.

He's going to fancy his bum.

Yes, hello.

Did you know I fancy a bum?

I am the king.

Yes, I'm the king, and I fancy a bum.

I'm the king of England.

Hello.

What is he doing?

Is he blowing into the phone?

What are you doing?

He's drowning.

Shall we shag now or later?

What the hell is he doing?

I can't hear you.

There's interference on the line.

No, there's not.

You're making noises with your mouth.

If you hear it, it sounds like you're blowing 20 miles away.

You have a penis in your mouth.

What the fuck?

Are you blowing up an air mattress for your lover?

It's all right.

I can't hear you.

Okay.

Hello?

Hi.

Hi, you tosser.

If you're not making any noise, you're just, we hear you inhaling and that's it.

I can't, no, I can't hear you.

Okay.

All right, you got us.

No.

I don't know.

It was noise-canceling phones.

I couldn't hear it.

I guess so.

I don't know.

I think it was blowing right to the speaker.

or it was, like, making it, you know, blow out or something?

It was blowing in the wrong end.

We're making those, when I listened to the podcast

and, like, when we were calling the UK last week,

it seemed it was, like, cracking out bad

when all the people were on Skype.

Yeah, too many people, uses of the bandwidth.

I think we were noticing that on, well, you guys,

everyone was, it was being noticed during the marathon.

Yeah, if you had too many people on Skype at once,

it'd get all wacky.

That's why I haven't had a lot of people connected throughout the night tonight.

Well, I'm privileged.

Thank you.

Yes.

You have a nice mustache.

You should see my beard.

Hey, A.E. Wilson.

A.E. Wilson.

Damn it.

Yes, Mr. Wilson.

Yes, this is Mr. Wilson.

Yes.

Yes, you're in big trouble, sir.

What are you doing ringing me up this time of the day?

Well, you're in big trouble because you're wasting too much electricity.

Your lights are too bright.

I beg your pardon?

I need you to turn off at least 80% of your lights that you have on inside your house right now.

I don't understand what you're saying, Charlie.

You know what a light is?

Okay, whatever.

FM Stevens.

That sounds like a good name for a radio guy.

FM Stevens.

Anybody want that?

Ted, you want that?

Yeah, I'll take it.

You're going to take it.

Vivian, not go outside ever again.

I'm so sorry.

You're going to not take it.

Hello?

Yes.

How are you?

FM Stevens?

Yes.

Go ahead, Ted.

I'm calling from the Natural Tourette's Foundation.

Yes.

And I was wondering if you would consider providing financial support to our organization.

There's a party in the morning for that, I'm sorry.

Piss coming out of my ass.

What? Piss coming out of my ass. Okay, brilliant.

I didn't make that up. That's from the South Park Tourette's episode.

In the meantime, let's call this person. This one here is Bill Walsall.

Walsall, everybody. Walsall. You ready?

I'm all over that.

All right, you do that.

Hang on, let me find the number.

Wall-Saw.

Bill Wall-Saw.

Bill Saw-Saw.

Bill Kissel.

Please enjoy the following music while your party is being received.

I'm kidding.

It's Milkman.

Oh, God.

That's what he does for his message.

All right.

All right, continuing on.

R. Stevens here.

What time is it?

Oh, guys, it's one.

It's got to end.

You know?

This can't go on forever.

I got to work tomorrow.

I'm going to be dead tomorrow.

All right, fine.

We'll do like three or four more.

That's it.

We're over here.

R. Stevens, let's do it.

Let's just wake them all up quickly.

Rapid fire.

Wake up calls.

Let's do it.

Yes, hello.

This is R. Stevens.

R. Stevens?

Yes?

Are you awake?

Hardly.

You just woke us up.

Oh, you need to get out of bed, please.

Sorry?

Your bed is dirty.

You need to get out of it, please.

Don't go back inside the bed.

It's dangerous.

Oh, don't be stupid.

You have bed bugs.

No more numbers, Lonesome

But thank you, sir, it's been a great night

So far, these have all been good numbers in the UK

Hello

Yes, hi, is this Stevens?

Yeah, listen, you know in your toilet there

In your bathroom, you know what I'm talking about?

No, I don't, so who's this?

Oh, you have a bathroom there, right?

Yes

I want to use your bathroom, I want to take a shit in the toilet

I want to sit in the toilet and push out my poop

My caca

It's good to have a clear

View into your desires

There

Oh gross

Are we done?

Oh no there's one more

I got a whole bunch

Yeah listen Mr. Francis Fletcher

Mr. Fletcher

I'm sorry Ted

This is Harry Fidkin

The rule is this has got to be fast

You go in real fast

Talk about toilet

Whatever you want

Mr. Fletcher

Hey you Tosser what's up

Hi Tosser

You got the wrong number

Tosser

Wanker

Yeah this is Harry Fitkin

Yeah listen I wanted to use your

I had a question about your toilet that you have there

Your bathroom

Yeah your toilet there the one that you sit on

When you have to use the bathroom

Yeah the toilet

Do you ever forget to flush the toilet on an accident?

You leave and you don't flush it?

And the poops kind of pile up?

Yeah, like five of them.

You've got the wrong number.

No, Harry Fitkin.

Do you ever take an upper decker?

Do you ever poop in the top part of the tank?

They don't have tanks there.

They have a big chain they pull.

You suddenly want.

You want.

I did?

You suddenly want, I think.

I phoned you once.

You've got the wrong number anyway.

No, we're from Bristol.

We don't know you.

Yeah.

What?

We're from Bristol.

You're from Bristol?

Mm-hmm.

I don't know who you are.

Never heard of you.

We don't have toilets here.

That's why we want to know about your toilet.

Toilet?

We poop into big holes here.

We just have a bucket of water.

The one from before, they kept, like, hanging up and trying to, like, hang it up.

You know what I mean?

They kept picking and hanging and picking and hanging.

I'll take this one.

Richard.

Richard Broadway.

Oh, we're calling him again?

No, someone else.

Richard Broadway.

No answer there.

We'll call Richard Broughton instead.

Who did we lose?

Did we lose Ken?

I think so, yeah.

Yeah, it disappeared.

All right, Richard Broughton here.

We got two left after this.

I'm in.

Okay.

Yes, hello.

Good morning, Richard.

Yes, this is Brent Westwood calling from the United States.

Good morning.

How are you?

Well, it's not 5 o'clock here.

Really?

Has the sun come up yet?

Still dark?

Lights on?

No, that's good, because I'm calling from the National Light Administration.

I need to make sure that all your lights are off around the house.

We're going to be coming and doing a test in the neighborhood,

so we need to make sure your lights are off.

Losing?

No, he's there.

Are you there?

Richard?

Gone.

All right, Ted, take this one.

Thomas Stevens.

All right.

Calling from Costa Concordia Cruise Lines,

and I was wondering if you'd like to take a discounted cruise off the coast of Italy.

Would you like a discounted cruise?

No.

I guess not.

And the last one, which I will take, is Francis Robin Baxter.

Let's see what's up with this.

Call saying your name is Francesco Chettino,

and you're looking for a job as a cruise ship captain.

All right, we got it.

Hello, Francis Robin Baxter?

No, he's not.

Well, is this the wife?

It is.

I am Francisco Combatino,

and I'm looking for a job for a cruise ship operator on a boat.

I get inside the boat, you know?

Why are you bringing us?

Because I'm a boat driver

And I need a job

And I want to put you inside the boat

And I'm going to drive the boat into the rocks

And it goes

Isn't that funny

Francesco

We're done

Thank you Dirty Aaron for sticking in there

And Big Ted

Good night Dirty Aaron

Ted thank you man

BluePlanetPrankRadio.com

Hey

I remembered

all right there we go and uh hey let's call everybody real quick that we called right let's

do it how do we do that i don't know there's an easy way to call everybody all at once i thought

right i just don't want to do it right now who cares okay folks well thanks for being on uh with

us tonight it's been great we got to a lot of your requests i think i got to the majority of

them a few got by there but whatever what can you do be back for more show next week be sure to

to visit the website madhouse live.com send your requests during the week subscribe to the madhouse

prank cast this show will be edited and uploaded as are the others within the next few days that's

all i got for you because i'm tired i want to go thanks everyone who submitted numbers including

lonesome loser you are the man thank you sir thank you everyone who joined in of course the main man

milkman for the virgin islands my best bestest friend in prank falls and real life too good

good friend of mine i must say good good friend uh cacti radio rbcp all you guys over there thank

you so much and ma'ams uh uk ted was on big ken we already thank dirty aaron and ted webb new new

for sending in numbers because i don't think i did one of them sorry new new you're probably

sleeping by now you bitch and everyone who submitted pranks you know who you are even

jaime thank you good night and good luck have a good weekend folks be safe thank you see you next

Calls (39, 1 h 22 min of 2 h 52 min)

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