Pray to the Dragon

Don't you dare call me again in the middle of the night.

I don't give a fuck where you're calling from.

Fuck off.

You're calling at 5 o'clock in the morning.

Hello.

Call this number again.

I'm contacting the police.

Could you stop ringing this phone?

You're making it out in front of the police.

Listen.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Will you massage me with oil or powder?

Who the fuck is this?

Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Good job, Launch Team.

We did well.

Thank you, everybody, for tuning in tonight to Madhouse Radio.

January 26, 2012.

on the 12th our last show of the month i'm your host carlito i made it thank you here with me

tonight is milkman milkman how are you milkman milkman oh so we had milkman boy i had milkman

then i lost to milkman well so much for a smooth start to the show oh god now milkman won't answer

well milkman's upset with me because his picture has been making the rounds since last week's show

unfortunately very sorry

milkman he you know

and i listened to the to the podcast

and if you all heard the podcast you

hear specifically he said

go ahead i asked him can i

post that and he said yeah i said

all right and i did he got very

sore at me well thanks

everyone else who's here we're gonna have a good night

tonight prank calls and such

you know do your thing if you want to

submit your request you can do so over at the

main website madhouse live dot

MadHouseLife.com is my website, or our website.

It's your website, too.

Don't forget that.

Let me not say my website.

I don't own it.

I just pay for it.

I am your emcee for the night, Carlito.

MadHouseLife.com, as I said, is the website to go to if you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger.

MadHouse Radio is my screen name.

Again, if you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger, send your requests, your comments, concerns, and insults to MadHouseRadio.

That is my screen name.

i'll be monitoring that during the show if you're an msn messenger madhouse at live.com

do that there also much appreciated follow me follow us on twitter man why do i keep doing

the we the mean us i'm just taking ownership of everything today twitter madhouse on twitter

that's me over there madhouse live on facebook be sure to add and like the pages got a fan page

and a page for myself carlito pranks on there and yeah well here we are i prefer not to get

into any topics of the day because i just don't i just don't know really don't care

topics of the day a lot of snow for me here uh monday icy conditions i'm not used to it you

gotta remember i'm still i know you guys know i went through the whole medical issue the surgeries

and all that surgeries and all that last year and uh to be honest with you i i do not have

have the strength i used to this time last year it's quite amazing the toll of that sepsis and

a botched surgery and then two more surgeries after that and nine and a half months at home

without being able to do anything and all this shit about six months of that just sitting on

my ass not a lot to even get up during the day and shit anyway so it's hard for me to walk on

ice and snow not that i'm even really used to it i mean i just moved to pennsylvania from florida

being all my life in florida haven't only seen snow maybe two or three times i moved up last

january oh holy shit i just realized it was a year ago today wow yeah what day is it is it 26

a year ago today i um i left florida for pennsylvania i totally forgot about that i'm

trying to get a hold of milkman he just won't answer come on milkman come to me come to me

brother milkman speak to me i don't know why he won't answer let me try him on the cell phone

Orlando Magic are playing right now the Boston Celtics.

You guys don't care about that anyway.

Anyway.

Hello.

How you doing, man?

Finally, God, man.

I've called you like three or four times.

I've called your number, man, and you're not answering.

Tell me your number.

Right, okay, whatever.

I've been trying to call you, and it keeps going to voicemail.

Your number.

I called both of your numbers, and you didn't answer.

All right, whatever.

Who cares?

Anyway, so how are you doing?

All right.

Are you on the air yet?

Yeah, we're on right now.

We just started.

Oh, okay.

It's just you and me.

Hey, man, what's happening?

Now you're in a good mood.

Hey.

Hey, sour pants.

Well, fuck, I didn't know what was going on, man.

You said, hold on, it went close.

I started the show and I said, Milkman is here.

How you doing, Milkman?

And there was nothing but silence.

Hello, how you doing, my friend?

It's so good to hear your cheerful voice.

And we're ready to do some crazy things.

I like your plans.

You, like, got revealed to me earlier.

That's some good things to look forward to, I hope.

Yep.

Yeah, man.

So, yeah.

How's things been going with you this week, brother?

uh cold cold and snowy and icy and rainy man i'll talk to you the snowman come to visit all right

how's your health when you're sounding rather healthy and fried tonight yeah i had a eye

appointment yesterday i didn't go too well worry about that right now we're gonna have some fun

that's not talking about it quick jack jumped on top of the candlestick that's right well milkman

hey just wanted to mention real quick big greg on twitter's uh giving a shout out says uh you

You guys are hilarious, man.

You just found you guys online.

The Turk and the Indian calls are great.

Keep them coming.

Thanks, Big Greg.

Awesome.

Thanks, Greg.

We love you, brother.

Thanks for joining in, man.

Come and talk to us in the chat.

Yeah, join us in the chat room if you're not there already.

And then Bobby Rude wants to send in some numbers.

Yeah, send them in.

Go to the website there, Bobby Rude on Twitter.

the fastest way

the best way for me not to lose it

is if you put it into the

request a prank form over at the website

the madhouselive.com website

that way I will be sure not to miss it

and yeah there you go

well thank you I'm watching over

on tweet deck on the side there

so you sent the number

milkman for a gay

man named Danny and Red Robin what's

going on here how'd you find out about this

oh just a little

bird from the arm it mentioned this

guys to me, so I heard that it was

somebody of interest

that has been

rampantly, flamboyantly

assailing many

of our friends and listeners out there.

Really? Yeah.

Alright, well, phone losers

have beef with Red Robin

as it is already, so that's just

right up our alley.

Is this his cell phone, or is this his

work number at the Red Robin that you gave me?

That's the work number, I believe.

that's what i was told uh i i've been i've only confirmation i got is that it uh definitely is

on look up definitely on the red robin okay well let's get right into it then let's give it a call

milkman all right my brother all right this is uh milkman submit a number there usually are really

good milkman when you submit numbers you know you've got a good record uh mary menzies right

wasn't that yours and then um oh yeah then we we move on to uh kiss my pussy lady what's her

I forgot her name

The bus driver

Charlie

Charlie Patton

I put his

Courtless phone

In the

Man's field

Debbie Man's field

That's what I meant

Kiss my pussy

That's what I call her now

And

Who else was there

Was there anybody else

You sent in

You sent in a few

I'm trying to think

Who else

Those are some good ones

So hey

Can we do this

Can we do like

One call ahead of time

Because there's

Somebody

That

that may want to hear this call go down,

like the person that just passed the number along.

I just want to make sure I get in contact with them

so they know to be listening.

So you want me to wait then?

All right, well, you tell me when.

Do you mind?

No, I don't mind.

And then that way I can go ahead and we can set it up.

Whatever you want, brother.

Man, it's your night tonight, man.

It's your birthday show.

Milkman, happy birthday.

Oh, wow, man.

Thank you, man.

I'm so excited.

Happy birthday, Milkman.

I'm so excited to get your show.

And I'm going to say she's exactly what you want.

the fuck your birthday is on halloween well what do you fucking do oh man well i'm on the

trick or treat you never know man it's a birthday like that all right i did get a number on the

google did you call my google voice line or something someone called yeah yeah i tried it

but it just it just kind of rang and rang because i tried the only two numbers i got

gotcha okay uh well there we are new new any numbers new new anything i got uh i can't stay

Stay on late tonight because I've got to be up an hour early.

I've got to be at work an hour early today.

Tomorrow, rather.

So beware.

But I do have many requests for pranks here.

Let me get to those.

Now, RBCP was working on some numbers.

They are for our international company.

They're like a pharmacy company, and they sell general goods.

But at the same time, they're well-known for their developing photos and stuff.

and uh let's let me confirm before i start going any further that's what's going on here

uh he sent us 20 photo customers uh to my email address all of them have photos wanting to be

picked up okay so basically uh rbcp called the photo center the photo kiosk or whatever and said

hey i'm from corporate can you give me the top 20 people who have photos that haven't been picked

up yet and they said sure here you go and they gave them phone numbers and names i guess so if

if people have pictures got 20 of them and uh here we are so we're going to get to this here

milkman let me know when i can do your number okay milkman those you milkman uh i forgot he's

getting a hold of the person that's what's going on oops there's gotta be an answer here

all right let's call antonio instead big antonio antonio's phone is busy uh we'll call valerie then

Get to the phone right now. Leave a name and number and the reason you're called.

Oh, man. This isn't going well.

I'll keep writing down the list.

I got this nice little app now that lets me take my email, any phone numbers.

I click on them and they go right over to the Skype.

It's very convenient.

Maybe I should be doing these in Google Voice so there's an outgoing number, though.

I'm going to try that instead.

I can actually switch it so it sends it to Google Voice instead in about 10 seconds.

Well, anyway, I hope you're all doing good.

I am well.

Oh, the news about my eye.

Oh, I'd rather Milkman be here for that.

Milkman, are you back yet?

Geez.

Because I want Milkman's take on it.

It's not horrible news.

I mean, it's just not good news.

Not that big of a deal, I guess.

Don't worry, guys.

I'll be all right.

All right, now I can do a Google voice here.

I already did Valerie.

Call Marie.

I don't get it, man.

All these people on the phone.

Belinda.

Yes, hi.

Is Belinda there?

No, nobody's around.

I know who's calling.

Yes, I'm calling from the photo center.

The photo center? Belinda has some photos here that she left for being developed into pictures that you look at?

I believe she doesn't want that anymore.

Uh, well, the problem is, she left them here for a long time.

What?

Are you Belinda? Tell me the truth.

No, I'm not.

Well, then how do you...

How many times have I told you?

How do you know that? That she doesn't want them anymore?

Because she's my sister.

So, what did she...

Who's this?

what did you say this is Belinda

when I asked for Belinda you said

yeah like that

my name is Jose

I'm from Jose

my name is Jose

you understand

listen no we have her credit card

on file we're going to charge $50 a day

after tonight

if she doesn't pick them up

she made a purchase here with a debit card

and we have her on file

so we have

have we have we have her card information because she made a purchase here and because she's had

whatever purchase she made here in the last in probably in the last 60 days at some point she

made a purchase here so at some point she bought something here with a debit card all right so we

link that to her information on the pictures and because she's not picking it up and now we're going

to start charging a late fee for not picking up her pictures because we made them and now we're

and now she's not wanting to pick them up.

So it's $50 per day starting tomorrow.

Every day she doesn't pick up the stupid pictures.

$50 per day?

Yes.

Okay, and let's wait and see.

What's the contact number at your...

Because we're having a problem with immigrants and Hispanic people

and Mexican people that make pictures and they don't pay for them.

They don't come in and they don't pick them up

and then we have to throw them away and we lose money

because Mexicans come in and they take pictures

and they don't want us to pay for them.

But we are not Mexican.

Well, I have you down here as some stupid Spanish name.

Don't say that.

Stupid Spanish, Hispanic.

The good man is not stupid.

Belinda is stupid.

Maybe you are too.

You must be really Belinda and you're offended.

What report you to your manager?

You cannot talk like that to my sister.

I can say my name is Jose.

Can I get her last name?

I'm Hispanic.

i can say whatever i want about other hispanics i have a right to defend myself what's your name

arocha yes my manager my manager's name is blanca gutierrez just take notes of your name

yeah well let me take your notes so your name what's your name damn it stupid oh my you are

so sarcastic what's your last name again what's your name uh stupid mexican that doesn't pay for

For her pictures.

What's your last name?

Arocha.

It's spelled C-H-O-C-H-A.

I told her it's spelled Chocha.

Which in, uh, not for Mexicans, but in Caribbean, that means pussy.

Thank you, everybody.

Hey, speaking of chochas, Milkman is back.

Hey.

Okay.

That was fun.

Give me the pussy.

Is that what you say to the ladies?

Give me the pussy.

Oh, man.

Blanca Gutierrez.

Hey, hey, I got it.

After you do the next call, man, I got information, and we'll go for that call.

Do the next call?

Do your call, or no, not yet?

Yeah, yeah, do one more, and then we'll do it.

All right, UK Ted is asking, what's Spanish for pussy?

There's many things.

things, chocha, panocha, crica, I don't know what else.

There's a bunch of concha.

In South America, they say concha, which concha is, technically, it's a conch shell, you know,

like the conch.

It's like a shell.

Yeah.

It's the shape of a conch shell.

If you look at it, it kind of looks like a periwinkle shell that the Rasta girls look

at.

It's got that same, mm-hmm, shape.

It's kind of pink, too, you know, so.

Yeah.

Pink on the inside.

Yeah.

Yeah, funny story, Milkman, you remember that time you stuck your dick in a conch shell

and you got bit from the inside by a crab?

Oh, hell, man, that thing was just clawed on there, man, and jeez, man, that thing came

out like a hamburger, man, it took me an hour to stitch a thing back straight.

And you have long pubic hairs, too, remember, Milkman, you told me about that?

It was terrible, man, the thing got rolled up and got caught in my ponytail, man, I was

like, what the hell?

Oh, okay, there you are, yes, sir.

Okay, thank you.

Lonesome Losers in the house, sending in numbers already.

Mr. T's Family Restaurant and Hungry Hunter Steakhouse.

All right.

Awesome.

Good to see you.

Hey, man, I never mentioned Big Lonesome Loser was the big winner in the Fantasy Football League.

Yeah.

I forgot to mention that.

Yeah, I keep forgetting the last two weeks.

Lonesome, I was fourth place.

Lonesome got first, actually.

Yeah.

I think I might have mentioned that.

I'm not sure.

I think you did.

Hey, can we give a big shout-out to Tech Lady?

Tech Lady is out there listening to our buddy.

Tech Lady?

Tech Lady.

Is that Leo Laporte's girlfriend?

Absolutely not, man.

This is way, way many notches above the Leos.

Leo's the tech guy.

I don't know.

Leo's a tech guy.

I don't know if Leo, you know, he's got a girl on the side.

He's a big Mac sellout.

He's a big Ponzi for them, man, you know.

He likes to hook up on them.

This is a real PC woman.

Mama, this girl has some chops, man.

You wouldn't believe, man.

We can't go into all the details, but you'd be amazed.

Well, you weren't around when I was, yeah, that was, you weren't around for that.

You know Leo got caught cheating on his wife or something like that, right?

Oh, yeah, man, I heard about that.

Yeah, but then it came out that they've already been separated,

but everyone at first was like, oh, my God, they're cheating.

Because, well, basically, like, he was doing one of his podcasts.

He was showing a video of his Google Voice,

and there was like this uh heated sexting conversation between him and his and and the

ceo of his company and everyone's like oh my god he's married and now he's but then he came out

said i've been separated for six months you know whatever get over it so yeah play with my mac

go ahead okay all right let's do another one of these uh walmart phone calls here that last one

was pretty good that was a good start uh belinda let me call belinda back actually i want to call

we're back i want to see if i can sorry but the person you called has a voice mailbox that has

not been set up god set it up you lazy bitch i call blanca instead there actually is a blanca

on this list i didn't just make it up for the prank white the message after the tone hello yes

this message is for blanca blanca de la heran are you there please pick up i'm leaving this message

on your answer machine

because I'm calling from the pictures.

If you're there, please call back.

We would appreciate it. Thank you.

No longer signed in, it says.

Ah, shit. Damn it. I hung up.

Well, no, it was a voice.

It was an answer machine so they could hear me. I was hoping maybe.

Well, let me see if I can

tap into it. Hang on.

What the hell? An answer machine.

Hi, you're Reese of Delahun's family.

We are unable to come to the phone right now,

so please leave your name, a brief message,

and we'll get back to you.

Well, it was a different voicemail.

That's weird.

I heard that.

It was actually a different voicemail.

We got an incoming call here.

Hello?

Yeah, who am I speaking to?

This is Cross.

Yeah, I guess we have a situation.

I'm representing Belinda.

Yeah, she made a mistake here with the pictures.

A mistake, and we're going to have to charge her late fees.

What's the situation?

She said she only purchased it two days ago, and you said it's been 30 days.

Well, she purchased 24-hour development, express development.

development 24 hours according to what she told me that she wanted to cancel it and the person

that your your department says only went through and that when and then when they come in that it's

going to be canceled no these pictures are already developed and and they're late starting after

tonight after midnight tonight yeah who's your manager there because she explained to me that

you came back with some kind of racial remark so i want to talk to your manager your supervisor

supervisor right now now no listen i'm in charge of this department i'm the department duty manager

right now okay you're a shift manager right what do you mean i'm a shit man why would you say a bad

word like that to me no it's shift manager oh my goodness i'm writing this down that you're saying

that word hang on s-h-i-f-t s-h-i-t manager shift manager i got it down okay all right well this

said nasty trash people like call talk like that on the phone this is why we had we had to charge

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Shift manager.

I know what the word means.

It means feces, doo-doo, feces.

No, shift.

You're the shift manager.

I'm a shit manager.

Thank you.

You're not understanding what I'm saying.

You're not comprehending.

Just because I'm 19 years old, I'm still a manager,

and I demand some respect here, okay?

No, let me speak to you, the manager of the department there.

I didn't say anything.

I said shift, S-H-I-F-T.

Did you not spell?

S-H-I-T.

S-H-I-F-T.

Maybe because you have, well, I'm sorry, you have an accent.

Maybe I hurt you.

No, I'm not an accent.

There's no accent involved here.

Let me speak to the manager right now over you.

I'm going to talk to the supervisor over you.

About what?

About the situation.

You're not comprehending what I'm talking about.

No, this is, I mean, I'm in charge of this over here.

I'm the guy with the photos.

I'm in charge of the pictures.

No, no, no.

There's a department manager over you.

No, that's me.

That's who I want to talk to now.

The only other manager is this big store manager.

Okay, let me speak to him then.

Well, they have to have a whole bunch of questions they make me ask before I put you through.

I have to give them a report.

No, then I'll hold on to it then.

Or if I go over there right now and I'll talk to him personally.

Well, I'm going to tell him that you said S-H-I-T.

No, no.

There's witnesses here that you're misunderstanding.

I didn't say that.

I said ship manager.

Hang on.

Bob, you heard what this guy said?

He said I'm a ship manager.

Yeah.

Bob heard you too.

No, let me speak to the manager.

All right, Bob.

Bob's my manager.

Go ahead, Bob.

I don't know what you're approaching to get you your picture.

I'm sorry, I can't hear yours.

Your voice is low.

Speak up.

Hello?

I understand that.

You cannot give one of our attendants a hard time.

We don't accept that.

We'll just disconnect.

Yeah, no, that order has been canceled according to the clerk that took the order.

Yeah, we're still going to charge you $50 a day for the order after up to two weeks.

No, because we have to go through the litigation.

You don't want to go through that.

No, she signed the form here on the envelope when she gave the pictures.

It's all right here in black and white, clear as crystal.

Yeah, but the person who she had talked to at the beginning, she wanted to cancel it.

She said it already went through and that when it comes in, just tell them you want to cancel it.

Nope, nope.

Does she have any proof of that?

Does she have any proof?

Well, Chris, who took the order?

She made the order, and the computer here doesn't lie.

The computer says that this person bought the pictures

and is refusing to pick them up, and we had to get them developed.

You know, it costs money.

It costs...

We're not getting anywhere here, and Bob, I don't know.

I thought I was talking to Bob, not to you anymore.

I took the phone from Bob.

Yeah, so it sounds like you guys, there's some situation going there.

So tomorrow, I'm going to talk to the manager of the store.

And then it wasn't SHIT's manager I talked about.

I said SHIFT's manager.

You're saying it again.

I can't believe this.

You've said it about 20 times now.

Shame on you.

No, you're not articulating what I'm talking about.

Well, maybe it's your accent.

Maybe it's the accent.

I'll put that down.

You have an accent.

What was your name that you're coming in?

I'll put a note here.

My first name is Patrick, and I'm a lawyer.

Patrick Gonzalez.

I have no accent.

Maybe there's a speakerphone connection wrong or something.

I'm sure you can explain to your manager tomorrow,

and I'll explain to him the situation tomorrow.

I'll put Patrick Gonzalez is coming in to complain

that his client is a deadbeat Mexican who doesn't want to pay for the photos

and doesn't have the money to afford it.

All right.

Okay.

You have a good day.

What's the reason for the cancellation anyway?

What is it?

The cancellation?

Yeah.

Because she didn't want the picture anymore.

She needed to buy a certain date tomorrow morning early.

For what?

And she said it couldn't be picked up until after 10 or 11 o'clock.

What was it for?

What was it for, the big deal, the big event?

Oh, no, it was a school project.

What kind of school?

Which class?

Oh, no, you don't need to know that.

It's just a school project.

We need to buy a certain time in the morning, but they couldn't promise it, so she canceled it.

Well, maybe we can work something else.

The audio went through the computer system.

Uh-huh.

Maybe we can work something out is what I'm saying.

Work something out?

No, she was informed that just let it go through because it was through the computer,

and she couldn't cancel it until the order came in.

So that's what the situation was.

But maybe we can work something out because what are we talking about?

Well, you want to come in and talk to my manager now.

Yeah, I'm going to talk to your big boss tomorrow.

About what?

What are you going to say?

Well, I'm going to tell you my situation that you're misunderstood in my conversation

compensation and that you're going to charge us fifty dollars on a debit card that you shouldn't

be able to charge with two by three print cost what ten dollars how much is the purchase price

it's uh 5.99 and you're going to charge fifty dollars a day no i never heard of them to serve

charge well for a two dollar print are you going to tell them about because i said some mean things

to her on the phone of course i'm going to say that no please no now no cancel the order and

and we can just resolve this right now, or tomorrow morning I'll be there.

Listen, if I cancel the order, please don't come in, all right?

Okay, you cancel the order, okay?

And then just be bygones, be bygones.

And then when you talk to somebody over the phone,

don't forget the customer is always right until you find out what the situation is.

All right, give me a second.

Hang on.

Bob, Bob, I'm going to, listen, hang on, I'll be right back.

Let me put you on hold, okay, sir, just a second.

Hey, Bob, I'm going to, this fucking Mexican asshole over here is fucking with me.

I'm just going to cancel his fucking order.

He's a piece of shit.

Is that okay?

All right, thanks.

Hello, sir.

Yes.

Yeah, no problem.

My manager, Bob, said he's very sorry.

I'm very sorry.

Okay.

And we appreciate your business.

And we got your name.

So if we get a charge on the debit card, then we're going to be in a situation, okay?

Well, listen, what was your name?

Patrick, I gave you my name already.

And that's Hispanic?

No, that's an American name.

Well, kind of American.

No, just an American name.

That's all you need to know.

No, you need to know what my ethnic background is.

All right.

When did you pass the bar?

Is that correct?

When did you pass the bar exam?

No, you're just going to cancel the order.

That's correct.

That's where we're going to resolve the situation tonight.

Yeah, but I was wondering, when did you pass the bar exam?

No, I just said I'm going to pass the bar exam.

That's it.

Cancel the order.

Wait a minute, but you said you're an attorney, you're a lawyer,

so you must have passed the bar exam.

Maybe you're lying.

Know that.

You don't need to know that.

That's irrelevant.

So there's no such thing.

exam is what's the you know that just cancel what's the bar exam tell me what the bar what's

the big test you have to take to become a lawyer what's it called no tomorrow morning i'm going to

be there and talk to your manager no we have an agreement please no no no no the conversation

tomorrow morning no no please am i talking to wyman yeah well just tell me what the name of

the test is and i'll take it off no this can't be this was with somebody else no yeah i think

Yeah, you're a real fucking smart attorney.

Yeah, you do that.

They'll get right on it.

Bye, stupid.

He's an attorney, all right.

He must be a detective.

Can't get one past him.

After nine minutes, he finally figured out.

Oh, do-do.

Jesus.

You bring brighter days.

Carlos uses this voice when he talks to the...

I will.

Continual moving on here with some more prank calls.

That was fun.

Calling him.

I love the callback.

Corrupt says I'm the great communicator.

The can says my cousin's a better lawyer than that guy.

Tell me about it.

No, no.

I'm the attorney.

He's the best English speaker of that family is what it is.

That's what they put on.

That's what my family does.

They put me on for shit like that.

There's some shit's going on.

I put the boy on.

He speaks the best English.

That's me growing up.

That's the story of my life.

Excuse me while I drink my green drink.

Big shout out to Big Tok, Toking It Out.

What's up, big guy?

Milkman, I know you've been into sugar-free stuff lately, drinks and stuff like that.

Absolutely.

Dude, Crystal Light.

I know Crystal Light isn't the healthiest thing for you, but they make their mixed drinks.

But now they have some that are mixers for alcoholic drinks.

They have a margarita one.

Yeah, they have a margarita one, an appletini one, and a mojito one.

Now, the mojito one and the margarita.

Sugar-free?

Sugar-free, yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

Now, listen, the appletini one, that's the one I'm drinking right now.

I don't add alcohol to it.

I just drink it just like that.

Right, right, mixed with water.

It tastes like green apple juice.

Oh, my God, it's so good.

It is so good.

Oh, my God.

Don't tell drunk people.

Oh, yeah, tell me.

I don't know who you're talking about, but okay.

All right.

Well, dude.

You're inside jokes, I guess.

I'll tell you, you might know.

MSP3 clay might be in on itself.

though i'll clue you in later man it's something we've talked about in the past all right well let

me know all right let's call some of these lonesome numbers here and then we'll do some

more photo calls that guy was starting to put it together from the beginning well towards the end

he was like wait a minute you're gonna charge me fifty dollars a day for what for a five what's

a five by nine photo oh yeah it's 5.99 you can charge you fifty dollars yeah per day all right

be sure to subscribe to the prank cast by the way it was just updated yesterday with our most

most recent show from last week good uk calls last week hopefully lonesome if you're going to

send me some uk numbers uh later on in the show uh send them from that same village or town because

those was good what's going on here the sound milkman are you there we'll trouble skype tonight

i don't know let's try it again skype good be then man you still got i got the google voice

that's what i got oh okay already anymore i had a card in years man all right man it's just sitting

in here spinning around not doing nothing man no no no it's not your phone man it's it's on my end

i'm trying okay i don't say maybe i'll try and reboot no no no no no no manager and kill it

oh you think that all right well let me call you i'll have to call you back then are you open to

that idea if you want to try it if you're screwing around you may have to restart it all right oh

you got a point might as well do it no fan all right i'll call you right back but okay bro all

right milkman's a smart guy you know but i think skype man you can't just you can't just x out of

skype i fucking hate it it just it stays open you know yeah you do have to go to task manager and

end the process and then restart it just and the same thing on android the skype app for android

always running always always always always just hit 100 listeners good good work guys hello let

me try it again yes it is may i help you oh boy you're in a good mood milkman good hey that's

what i wanted to tell you milkman before i forget i got uh my android phone i got ice cream sandwich

much running on it man i got a how do you like it i heard it's awesome it's it's good man i found a

rom out there it was a build from uh the open source um everything works except for one thing

that i found out today i can't run my netflix on it so i went to go watch some netflix uh on my

lunch break today at work and it doesn't uh doesn't work and i thought well maybe the netflix

app isn't updated for ics yet uh but you know we never did trade past oh okay well yeah yeah

Yeah, we'll do that.

I'll cancel my Hulu account probably after this month

because I haven't used it in, like, I don't know how many months.

Yeah, what is...

Hulu just has TV shows, right?

There's nothing on there.

TV and movies, too, but a lot of TV stuff, mostly.

I don't have a need for it.

I don't really like to watch TV shows anymore.

Netflix I love because they've got a lot of documentaries

and they've got shit that I watch on Netflix, you know?

You should get Netflix.

Cancel your Hulu, get Netflix, man.

You'll be a lot better off.

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking of doing, man,

because I don't watch them.

That's why I'm saying, you know, it's like,

So I thought, you know, hell, if I didn't like it,

because we're side-logging, you'd never be watching.

I do watch a lot.

I watch from work, and Athena watches, you know.

All night, Mike?

Yeah, well, we watch pretty late sometimes.

Athena, like, should have been running.

Oh, that's all right.

Never mind.

Yeah, sorry.

Catch this night.

Well, here's something, though.

Amazon Prime.

I'm going to get Amazon.

I'm going to subscribe to Amazon Prime for the free shipping

now that I'm getting a paycheck tomorrow for the first time in months.

Oh, wow.

Oh, it's daytime, huh?

That includes Amazon On Demand, like the Amazon library.

They have a lot of movies and shows, too.

Not as much as Netflix, but they're pretty formidable.

So I'll be getting that included for free.

I'm pretty excited about that.

Massiveness.

Yes.

Okay.

Calling this lonesome loser number here.

Milkman, I never called you Red Robin.

Am I okay to do it now?

You never told me.

Okay, I'm just about clear here, man.

I'm dealing with one last customer here, and then we can do that.

What do you think?

Okay, yeah.

You tell me when.

Just don't forget.

All right, sir.

I think it's this number that doesn't work.

I looked it up.

No, no, no.

I pulled the number and I did a reverse lookup.

It does come up with Red Robin.

Oh, no, no, no.

I mean the other number.

The number I'm trying to dial now isn't working in Skype.

I'm going to try a different one.

There we go.

All right, now it's working.

See, you just had to reboot it.

No, I think the first number Lonesome gave me wasn't working right.

All right, there you go.

Hello?

They might have Skype blocked or something.

I don't know.

Hello?

I'm going to have to give that a moment here.

here. We got

Lonesome is sending in numbers for

martial art places. Milkman

used to be a martial artist. You know how to break wood

panels and stuff, I hear.

Oh, yeah, man. Red Belt. Taekwondo,

my friend. Red Belt? Why not Black Belt? What happened?

Oh, man. Do you know how many years it takes

to get the first degree? It takes so many years,

man. I was in school. So what...

Hello? I gotta ask you a question about that in a second.

Hello? Yes, hi.

Is this Tiger's Black Belt Academy machine?

Yes. Alright, this is

martial arts. Which

Which is this?

This is Aikido, Karate.

This is Taekwondo school.

Taekwondo?

That's cool.

All right, listen.

How long will it take me so I can attack my boss

and I want to throw his chair across the room

and then I want to karate Taekwondo chop

and I want to break his desk in half out of anger?

Okay, you should call the police.

I should call the police?

Yes.

No, but I want to intimidate my boss.

I wanted to break some wood.

Do you know what I mean?

Do you know how you guys break the wood?

Do you understand?

What?

What am I looking for?

Well, my boss has a big heavy doorman out of wood in his office.

So I want to, like, punch the door and break it.

And then I want to step in while he's at his desk and he'll be like, oh, my God.

And then I'll punch his desk and his desk will, like, break into splinters.

Okay?

And then I want to push him around a little bit.

I don't want to hurt him.

I just want to push him a little bit.

But I just want to intimidate him.

I want to break the door, and I want to break the desk.

Man out of wood.

This man out of cherry, like this dense cherry oak kind of wood.

Very thick stuff.

So can you put me on a speech?

I don't think I can help you.

I don't have the program for you.

Can you break?

Do you know how to break wood?

Can you do that?

No, I don't.

What kind of master are you?

What kind of sensei are you?

What's your deal?

I'm helping the people to be happy.

I'm not teaching the people to be bad.

So you don't know how to break wood planks and planels and stuff like that?

You're a what?

What good are you?

I was training.

You know, we do the breaking boards for the training,

but not just for the show off.

Okay, but you know how to break boards in training?

Yes, we do.

Okay, so.

You know, for someone who's ready for it.

Yeah, but what's the difference between breaking the wood for training

and breaking a door down with my fist?

It's the same thing, right?

I can do that.

How long will it take?

I just want you to teach me that part, and that's it.

Maybe you can find a better master.

I don't think there's a suitable video.

Thank you.

Well, listen, my old master was named Oruko Saki.

Wasn't that Shredder's?

Master Shredder from, isn't that his real name?

Yeah, Milkman, you there?

Mr. Red Belt.

Hello.

Lost the red belt.

I'm here.

All right, listen.

Here's my question, Milkman.

What's better?

What's the difference between Aikido and Taekwondo and karate and the other ones?

Like what?

Aikido is where they actually use the force of the opponent without ever making a strike.

So, like, say, like, you take a run at him, and he does a flip, he doesn't really ever attack.

He uses your energy against you and redirects.

Uh-huh.

That's Aikido.

So it's purely defensive.

Actually, yeah, it's defensive in the respect that anything that they're doing to you,

you're just going to repel it with their own energy, and you don't have to react to it.

It's like a mirror, so to say.

And what's karate, then?

Karate is American, isn't it not?

Karate is a form to kicks and punches.

All right, and then taekwondo is a...

Kung fu is a Chinese style, and it's similar to...

Kung fu or watching animals over years, how they perform and do their movements,

and that became the style

like the crane would stand tall

and he would put his leg

the tiger uses his claws

all those moves are synthesized

and copied and used as

the basics for each

of the styles of Kung Fu

and Taekwondo's throws

and stuff like you throw your opponent

Taekwondo is the Korean

that's mostly feet

why it's so popular is

the strongest muscles in your body

are your legs and they're the longest

reach so taekwondo is very popular because it's one of the most powerful as far as like uh you

know the attack and everything else in the reach okay yeah because i remember growing up it was

karate at first mostly well probably because a karate kid it is a form of karate it is definitely

a form of karate and then taekwondo became really big after that like i remember and then taekwondo

is a style of karate mostly all right then i didn't see i didn't see aikido until like i was

in, like, the 90s.

Aikido has been around.

It's a Japanese art, too.

But like I said, it's more like close to judo.

Judo is gross.

What about jiu-jitsu?

You're starting to get into it.

I'm not exactly sure about those much.

I think they're similar to a mixed swing,

from what I understand, of karate.

I like how you say that, karate.

What's the, who's the karate guy that was jerking off,

he died, he was jerking off, strangled himself,

You know who I'm talking about?

Oh, shit.

Danny Rice?

No.

He finds himself, but I guess...

The guy from Kill Bill, man.

You know who I'm talking about.

Yeah, that's the one, right.

Yeah, the one who works for Paul.

He must be about David Carradine.

David Carradine.

I got them mixed up.

He's another freak.

Well, I don't know if I ever mentioned, but he was on this radio show once in Orlando,

and he was a real dick.

And he got mad at the host because the host was asking him about karate.

He's like, it is not karate.

It is karate.

And they started laughing at him.

And one of the other guys was like, karate, karate.

Was that when you were on PRK?

He was on TKS, WTKS.

And he walked out on the studio, and they were making fun of him and shit.

It was so funny, though.

That's not that college show you was on.

No, no, no.

David Carradine didn't show up there.

The only person I was famous as showed up to that show that I was working on.

uh was uh Blossom you know Blossom from NBC she had a show Blossom oh yeah she used to be hot man

I haven't seen her in years man whatever happened to her oh she I don't know doing nothing she was

on she was on um I guess she grew up well she grew up she did a few episodes of Kirby Enthusiasm

here and there sometimes on HBO and then uh yeah she I don't know what she was doing I don't

remember she had an ugly nose the girl that I had a crush on um was her neighbor Six that girl was

Yeah, but, man, you know, girls with big noses are totally sexy, man.

Okay, maybe for you.

Yeah, absolutely, man.

Maybe for you, you pervert.

Guess you don't know your history, man.

Whatever, you're the one that told me your favorite thing to do is you put...

Those are in the know.

No.

This from the guy who likes to put KY jelly on girls' feet and put them together and put his penis inside it in the foot pussy.

That's what you told me once.

You told me that, Milkman, on the phone once.

oh yeah yeah man i didn't think i didn't think you remembered that dude uh you're just kind of

drunk at night man i wasn't like you were drunk you're like you ever do that and i'm like no

you ever do that you know you asked me for hot yeah you gotta make sure they don't have

corns and calluses yes hello my name is kali yeah this is kali that i'm calling kali academy

of martial arts and machines hello you're calling from where i'm calling from japan karate association

I've been working on a student who is learning martial arts.

Okay.

And I'm teaching him to break the wood planks, the wood boards.

Right.

All right, so we're having trouble, so I was wondering if you could tell me,

what's the secret to the magic trick that you do to break the board like that?

Do you pray?

You know when you break the wood, when you're training, you break the wood boards?

Yeah.

Okay, so how do you pray to the devil for him to give you the power to do that exactly?

way oh yeah you're a man and you're a secretary oh if he's homosexual yeah he can be whatever he

wants a woman a woman you know a black guy can be the president a woman go in this space that

doesn't mean they're supposed to black people smarter than the white people that's true tell

me about it especially when one like you you know wants to hang on i gotta i gotta i gotta

crap here okay okay that's funny i gotta take a crap i like that guy how do you pray to the devil

well the Orlando Magic have lost

91-83 they lose again

to the Boston Celtics

oh my god

did we lose the

secretary

David Carradine hung up

he had to go take a shit

did you hear him

oh ok sorry about that

I gotta go take a shit

he was thinking about Danny

maybe we ought to call him now

I like that idea now

asking if you break the boards by praying to the devil.

That's not how they do it.

That is how they do it.

They make it seem like they did to you.

Mercer Island Martial Arts.

This is Tina.

How can I help you?

Yes, hi.

I was trying to get information about praying to the devil

to break the wood boards.

For what?

You know how when you're doing martial arts

that you pray to the devil

so you can break the wood boards in training?

No, not at all.

Is the karate instructor there?

Because you're a woman.

Anyway.

I don't like that.

She threw the phone up in the air

and karate chopped it um i always wanted to do karate i saw karate kid i was remember i was

born in 79 milkman so karate kid i was like maybe five six years old maybe younger than that but

i was a kid when karate kid came out i was really into it and um i wanted to do karate and my dad

and i know now the truth is my dad was just too poor too cheap to pay for karate classes

and he he sat me down and said carlos i don't want you to do karate because when you

He's so stupid

I remember this to this day

My dad wouldn't give me karate crosses either

For a different reason

You know what my dad told me

He could be such a bad father

He told me

That when you do karate

You have to pray to the dragon

And I'm like okay

And he goes

If the dragon tells you to kill yourself

You have to kill yourself

And I'm like what

And God and Jesus don't want you to pray to the dragon

and i'm like oh i got all scared of it because he because he took me like i was really into it and

i was like come on i want to go see and then i i remember my mom was like just take him to go see

it you know and then so my dad took me and the instructor was like well you know won't you go

watch you know and i got i got to watch them practice and they were sparring and stuff

and at the end like um when they were done i they kept having to bow to this door it was like a

Like some kind of mural or painting and they had to bow in front of it

every time they went inside or something?

Do you know about that?

It's to show the respect to the training hall.

When you come in, you're learning there.

It's showing their knowledge and the things and gifts that they'll learn from them.

It's a sign of respect.

It's kind of like when you come up and you see a friend and you haven't seen him in a while,

you kind of hit him with a soul brother shake.

Well, my dad said that was proof of the dragon, the evil dragon that they were praying to.

he told me that he had to talk with me after that like you said i was like i really want to do it

and he said well and he like on the ride home he told me why i couldn't join it because they

prayed to the dragon and the dragon he said like you could be driving yes swear to god he told me

you could be driving and the dragon can tell you to kill yourself and you'll and you'll and you'll

turn your car into a tree i'm like what he was he could be such a bad father sometimes he just

Oh, man, that's what's different.

Kick his ass.

Such an ass, man.

And you did once, remember?

Well, I did.

Yeah, actually, I did.

I actually ended up going against him because I knew that bothered him.

At times, I got my nunchucks out and commenced to get in the left.

Wow, man, that's just like Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back.

Well, he threw a club, and that was a mistake, man.

You know, I already had training.

You know, I had a red belt.

He pulled out this great big...

I knew he had this, like, knocker, you know, Negro knocker, so to say, kind of club.

You know, I don't know what you call them, like a jack.

a billy jack or whatever the fuck those things are a blackjack blackjack so yeah dad he was

gonna clunk me with it and he pulled that out and i said oh yeah it's a clunk and i whipped

out my chuck man and that was all it took man he tried he tried the thing you know and it's like

one little swing man i just kind of brought him around got his attention and then he's like i'm

sorry wow i gotta yeah man that's what you know there was no reason just you know that just shut

it all down so the next time he tried to get me he was shooting guns at me and we love our

our fathers, I mean, your father passed away.

Of course, man, he was my uncle, man, he's dead,

but he tried to shoot me at least two or three

times, man, I don't know how many, well, more than that.

Well, my dad never did that,

but I'm just saying. Well, you have to learn

how a gun works, okay? If you grew up around

guns, you gotta understand, you know, whether a gun

shoot, when the shooter is right,

then you need to know how to run.

Okay, all right, let me do this call.

Let's call more karate people and ask them about the dragon.

All right, we'll do the Danny call, man, because if you want to cut him,

please leave a message after the call.

Hello?

Is this Japan Karate?

Yes, it is.

Yes, hi.

I had a question about the classes.

Okay.

My father told me that the dragon is very important, correct?

The dragon?

Yeah, that the dragon tells you what to do when you're fighting.

I have no clue what you're talking about.

My father told me that, like, when you do karate, when you're learning karate,

that you pray to the dragon, and if the dragon tells you to do something bad,

that you have to do it.

That's not something I've ever heard.

I've been doing this for 35 years.

No?

Do you do karate?

Karate style, some dragon style, but...

Do you do karate also, or are you just...

Yes, I do.

All right, do you never pray to the dragon ever?

No, we have no dragons here.

Okay, at what point would I be able to...

Dragons aren't even, dragons are Chinese, it's a Japanese art.

Oh, I don't want to, well, it's not the same then, it's different?

Yeah.

Okay, hey, so here's my question then.

Yes.

At what point do I get to break wood?

You can go home and break as much wood as you want.

You don't break wood around here.

In the training, though, do I ever get to break with?

Nope.

Do you get to bury wood?

No.

You can hit the makiwara boards.

They're made of wood.

But I want to learn to break wooden doors down and things like that.

Well, you can buy some wood and break them.

Well, you have to have the magical powers to do that.

No, you don't.

It's just physics.

Not really.

Because, say, with karate, you pray to the devil and the dragon,

and he takes over your body, and you hurt people.

I didn't.

No.

No, no.

That you drink the blood during the karate practice?

You drink the blood of the devil?

No, this is silly.

Okay, I'm in the middle of class here, so you can call back later.

But I'm not talking about drinking the blood.

This is the silliest thing I've heard.

But listen, I went to a karate practice once, and then they had this dog they brought out.

And they said, until this dog is dead, we're not going to start practice.

Well, I would report that to the Humane Society.

Well, I was going to, but they told me that it was normal.

Well, maybe for them, but it's not here.

You can come and watch a class and see what it's all about.

Thanks for calling.

Can I bring my dog?

Okay.

Oh, they killed the dog.

Maybe we can start prep.

Oh, my.

Oh, boy.

Milkman, that is how it is.

I know.

Yeah, man.

That's what they used to say about rock concerts.

Ancient Chinese secret.

That's another thing my dad told me.

He said I wasn't allowed to go to a Metallica concert because he had heard.

But that was really rumors that would go around, like churches and stuff.

until you keep your kids away from heavy metal and then there'd be like a story and it said like

yeah at a metallica concert they passed a chicken around and they said until the chicken's dead they

won't start the concert stupid shit like that fake stories that they say to scare parents from

things that are different that their children are into they tried the same thing on maryland

i think the last time that shit went went around was like with maryland manson i remember when

maryland manson first got hot in 96 97 um they uh there were stories still going around like that

like uh i remember because i heard a repeat of howard stern recently in maryland manson it was

it was the 1996 episode and maryland manson came on it's like you know this is the same stuff that

they they've done since the 70s since acdc first came out and metallica concerts and all these

it's the same rumors that are true

they're false

I guess there was a rumor going around that

Marilyn Manson would

bring a cage down with a child in it

and the audience had to

whip the child until it died

and then he'd start the concert and all this shit

and that's the dude who wears

the tacks and drinks pee and stuff

does he drink pee? he's just the weird guy

right? he just does music

he's just a musician man

I don't know

I've heard different things I was just wondering if that's funny

He had yellow contacts, he wore a funny hat, and he drank pee.

I don't know, but he drank pee.

See, I think that's another one of those rumors that you heard in Milkman.

Oh, okay.

I didn't know.

Something like that.

He drank pizza or some shit.

I don't know, dude.

He probably did.

I don't know.

I know he wears a different...

He's got a flagrantly homosexual kind of intonation there.

I don't know.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, I mean, he wears like a yellow contact and a clouded contact and stuff.

I don't know.

Does he even do music anymore?

I don't even know what the fuck he does anymore.

I don't even know, dude.

I know he has some kind of song, The Freak Show, something like that.

Yeah, the freak show.

Hey, man, he was hooking up with Rose McGowan or something.

That really pissed me off because everyone knew the fucker.

Was it Rose McGowan?

One of those.

The girl from Fight Club.

She's hot, man.

No, I'm talking about the girl from Fight Club.

Jeez.

Rosie Perez.

She's hot.

What's going on with UK Ted?

What's he doing?

Is UK Ted?

Hey, do you want to queue up the Danny call next?

The Danny call.

Yes, I can do it right now.

Yes.

UK Ted.

Okay, yeah.

UK Ted.

If he's not there, you need to make sure you report his conduct, you know,

if he's coming on to you or putting stuff in your food

or something definitely overtly homosexual, you know.

Right.

What's going on?

As you can't tell, are you abusing your powers?

I'll op you, man.

Don't be weird.

Don't be kicking people.

Yeah, whoever's kicking, man,

don't be start kicking a bunch of people for no reason.

You either, Nuno.

Don't make me come in that damn chat and clean it out, man.

I know you're handling my duties as a chat guy,

but you got to kind of chill out on the kicking.

I don't even know why I opt you, Patrick.

He's just crying a lot.

UK Ted is abusing his power, Gregory says.

You see?

Well, chill out, you guys.

Now, you opt me, and I entrust you with my duties here.

You can't go crazy and kick people all the time.

I mean, they have come up with a good reason.

I mean, you know, messing around.

That's all in the chat.

Well, listen.

I've made UK Ted a chat room opt for just on a trial basis tonight to see if it will work out.

And UK Ted.

All right.

I must say, UK Ted, that, I don't know, so far, you have a C-minus.

I'm watching you.

Don't let the power go to your head, man.

You have a C-minus.

That's been my job always from the beginning.

And don't make our chat into a place people are scared to go to.

Just kind of go along with some of it.

But if they start flooding, yeah, that's a reason to kick.

But if they're just being stupid...

There's a flood filter in there.

There's a flood filter in the chat room.

If you start flooding, it'll kick you out pretty quick.

Yeah, Gregulate, watch out.

Yeah, Gregulis said the same thing three times.

I think it's after four it kicks you.

It said that after four or five times.

Yeah, you don't want to flood.

You don't keep repeating yourself.

I mean, you know, if you're going to type another question, you know, you've got to rephrase it.

But don't keep flooding because then you'll get kicked, I guess, automatically from security.

Yeah.

Okay, listen, your call.

We're going to do that next, okay?

All right.

So, again, this is...

Who's going to call?

Who's calling?

Jack Masterson?

Jack Valente?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you want Jack Masterson?

Oh, yeah, we'll have Jack Masterson call.

It is a red robin, man.

You know, I just thought, you know, however we do it,

they've got to make sure that, you know, they're brought up about, you know,

who's doing, you know, with the food and all that kind of stuff.

Yeah, but my question is...

You know, the special moves towards you.

My question is, are they closed now, man?

Because it's kind of late, dude.

No, it's only 8.30 here, dude.

It's not closed.

Yeah, but this is a Florida area code, you have a 951, isn't it?

Oh, no, it's California.

Never mind.

We're calling Red Robin. We're Burger Lovers tonight.

How can we be of service to you?

This is the go order.

Press 1 for directions and hours of operation.

Press 2 to reach a member of our hospitality team.

Press 3.

Your call is being transferred.

Your call is being answered by the Avaya Partner Messaging System.

Please enter the extension of the person you wish to reach.

To transfer using the directory, press star 2.

For assistance, press 0 or wait.

Your call is being transferred.

We're halfway through the show, folks.

Hi, thank you for calling Manifield Robin.

How's my burger?

This is Crystal.

How may I help you?

Hey, yes.

I was calling to speak with the gentleman who messed up my order.

I have instructions here to talk to the gentleman.

Can you put him on the phone, please?

Was it a takeout order?

I need to speak with Danny.

Danny?

Yes.

Get him in.

It's just for you.

Hold on.

Shit.

Hi.

Is Clay in the chat room?

Who?

Clay, MSU 3 Play.

Yes.

Thank you for holding this.

Michelle, may I help you?

Hi, I needed to speak with that kid that messed up my order.

His name is Danny.

I'm sorry, Danny's not here.

What, is he in the toilet?

I'm sorry?

Is he in the toilet?

What was that?

Is he in the toilet?

Is he employed?

In the toilet.

No.

He's not in the toilet?

No.

Well, I've been in the toilet all this time.

Is there something I can help you with?

Yes, I ate two bonsai burgers, and I've been in the toilet ever since.

I ate two bonsai burgers, and I've been in the toilet ever since.

I'm sure it's very hard to understand you.

I can barely hear you.

I ate two bonsai burgers, and I've been in the toilet ever since.

What the fuck?

Milkman, what's wrong with you?

Milkman, can you hear me all right?

Yes, sir.

Distorted.

We're calling Rod Robin.

We're burger lovers tonight.

How can we be of service to you?

Yes, get to the Danny part.

For directions and hours of operation.

He may be moving on you.

Your call is being transferred.

Your call is being answered by the Avaya Partner Messaging System.

Please enter the extension of the person you wish to reach.

To transfer using the direct...

Your call is being transferred.

Thank you for calling the Radio Robin.

Homeless Mollingberger, this is Crystal.

How may I help you?

Homeless Mollingberger?

I'm sorry?

I need to speak with the manager, Michelle, Melissa, whatever her name is.

Okay, let me put you on hold really quick.

With me on the toilet

You've been studying

Jin's calls I see

Oh yeah man

I'm a student

It's Ted Webb everybody

Yay

Run him

How you doing there Milky

Remember that time

I hit you upside the head

With that old fucking record

Shit man

I feel good

We're holding this

Michelle let me help you

Michelle you hung up on me

I'm sorry

You hung up the phone on me.

Oh, no, I didn't, actually.

What happened to the phone?

I don't know.

I couldn't hear you, and I had nothing but static.

I'm sorry.

And I sat there for a while, like, saying, hello, hello.

Nobody was there.

Do I sound okay now?

Yes.

Listen, that man, I've been in the toilet ever since I had my two bonsai burgers.

When did you eat them?

I ate them, I ordered them about four hours ago,

and then I ate them about 30 minutes ago.

You ordered burgers four hours ago and you only ate them 30 minutes ago?

Yeah.

The server said that that wasn't a problem,

that all I had to do was keep them in the container in my car

and that I could put them in the microwave.

Who was your server?

Danny.

Is he there? I want to talk to him.

He's actually not here and he didn't work today.

Is he in the toilet?

No, Danny didn't work today.

Maybe he's sick, too. He's in the toilet.

Why did you want me to help you, sir?

Well, I brought these burgers, and now I'm in the toilet.

How long is it supposed to be after I eat the burgers that I have to go use the toilet?

How long what?

How long after I eat the bonsai burgers do I have to eat?

If you kept bonsai burgers in your car for four hours, it's not good to eat after that time

because they were already cooked to 165 internal temperature.

It doesn't say that on the package.

We don't keep instructions on the package.

Well, how long after I eat the burgers until I have to use the toilet?

I don't know.

I don't, you know, I don't know that.

Well, because I ate it and within 10 minutes I had to take a shit in the toilet.

So I don't understand if that's normal or not.

Please don't hang up, please.

No, it's not normal and I'm not going to hang up.

But to be honest with you, there's nothing that I can do at this point

other than look up who your server was and talk to them, you know,

And then you can follow up with the corporate office if you'd like.

I'm having, like, chest pains and everything, and it's because of your food.

Okay, well, we do line checks two times a day to ensure that our food and the quality of it is good.

But if you let it sit in your car for four hours before eating it...

You didn't warn me.

I didn't know if...

Where were you?

Well, like, again, I wasn't the one who served you, and I don't know the conversations that happened,

and that's why I need to find out who your server was so I can follow up with them.

I told you who it was.

Danny, and Danny didn't work today, so you coming in at 4.30 to get it from Danny would have been impossible.

I came in yesterday to get the burgers.

You just told me today.

No, yesterday. I ate them today. I got them 24 hours ago.

Can I just get your name and phone number, and I'll have my general manager give you a call tomorrow?

Shit. Hang on. What do you do there, then? I'm getting the number, but what do you do there?

I'm sorry?

What do you do there?

I'm the manager.

Do you clean the toilets or anything like that?

No, I don't.

Because I was thinking, if you have a problem in the toilet, you know, then you can pass the germs on to the meat.

Can I get your name and phone number, and I'll have my general manager give you a call?

I'm hoping that you have records of when the people go to defecate in the bathroom,

and when they check in and they have to check out, they have to put down the time.

Again, can I get your name and number, and I will have my general manager give you a call.

My name is Jack Masterson.

Can I tell his phone number? I'm sorry?

All right. He's in tomorrow, so I'll have him give you a call and follow up with you.

Now, will he be able to follow up and tell me which employees made a number two in the bathroom while I was there?

I don't know. I'm not going to have that conversation with you.

You can speak with Mike, our general manager, tomorrow when I have him call you.

Well, you keep record of when the employees urinate.

I don't follow up with my employees when they go to the restroom.

I just make sure that they follow health and safety standards of hand washing.

Well, don't you?

When is the last time that you defecated there or that you urinated?

Again, sir, I will have Mike, our general manager, give you a call.

Did you urinate there today?

No, but I'm not getting any information from you, so I can follow up with this team member.

Listen, listen.

I'm going to have to have Mike give you a call.

One last thing, one last thing.

This one time, I was in the bathroom, and the woman was in the stall next to me.

And I looked over, and I was watching her urinate.

I didn't do that, guys.

That's not true.

She cleans the skid marks off the bowl.

she had to use oven cleaner well then thank you for that visual there's a voicemail here let's

listen to that oh that's an old voicemail never mind here's one five seconds long nothing i think

that was the mexicans from before they were calling the lawyer who doesn't know what the

bar exam is they don't call that the bar exam in mexico but did they call it in mexico i don't know

the borrow exam beats me so how are you how are you how are you i had a oh yeah i wanted to ask

milkman about this he's an expert about getting old um so one of the complications that i might

have had that was expected but hopefully i wouldn't get uh with my surgery on the eye

was a cataract could develop and i went to the eye doctor yesterday and he said you have a cataract

fuck but what is a cataract exactly what does it what does it mean what's it do clear part

yeah that's what the doctor said that uh before going into hey my cat's here before going into

the surgery he had said that that's you know it's a possible complication that might happen after

but all along it wasn't happening but then he said when he looked at the estrus yeah you got a

you got a polar um cataract i'm like okay so he's like well you know i don't want to operate on

your eye again now because you just had a very traumatic operation i don't want to mess with

that i don't want a retina to uh come out you know it's it's the retina's fine the the you know

the major damage he told me look he said he basically sat down he said look i'm gonna tell

you the truth it's a miracle you can't even see anything out of the eye right now basically that's

what he said he said i i looked at your eye when i started the surgery and um i couldn't see the

i couldn't find the retina it was somewhere there i didn't think i could save your eye basically he

told me he said it's it's a miracle you can see what i can't see a lot of stuff but he said

basically like you know he had never seen an eye that bad before so he was happy that it wasn't

where it was and it's still going to get better but he said for me to be able to regain vision

it'll take surgery again and also they're going to have to i don't know if you guys remember from

the conversations of what the surgery was my eye was filled with oil yeah that's the one the right

one yeah the left yeah the left eye got uh saline which is clear and i've got really good vision

through that thankfully but the right eye um has mineral oil instead which is more uh opaque you

know it's viscous so i can't it can't see through so clear so he said while he does the cataract

surgery then he'll just take the oil out and replace it with saline but we're talking a few

months at least three months i'm like i just don't want to do any more surgeries man yeah but it's

for that it's gonna be kind of usually doesn't go rapidly you know you probably won't you know

have a big deal if he's gonna do a surgery in a few months it may not be that big a deal unless

it's seriously going super you know like you know getting out paid quickly no i said we're gonna

watch it we're gonna keep watching it and see what happens but yeah but yeah it's just gonna

what he's gonna you know it's just gonna you know i got a little bit of uh you know

faintness in your vision it's gonna slowly get fainter and that sort of thing i can't really

see i mean i can see like like i'm i got my left eye closed around my right eye i can see the

monitor in front of me you know i can see where the buttons are on the keyboard i can't see the

individual keys the letters on them can't read anything but i can see where shit is you know i

mean i can oh i can kind of get around but i don't have that focal you know vision it's still cloudy

and he said that's that's oil that's the oil first of all it's just kind of not clear yeah and he

said on top of that but yeah the retina is good though you know the retina that was detached and

everything that's the main thing dude if they saved your retina that's a miracle man i mean

The angels are on your side, bro.

Jesus is looking after you.

That's a miracle if they were able to save you.

That's the main thing that's a problem.

He basically said that he didn't expect.

He said he thought about taking out the eye,

like taking out, removing the eye when he first saw it.

He said all the blood vessels were white with lack of blood.

It was a dead eye when he first saw it,

when he started that surgical procedure.

But, like, man, I had five surgeries last year.

They're going to have to have a sixth one.

Well, another one this year.

I don't know anymore.

Maybe we'll just stay with one.

Well, dude, that's good, though, man.

You know, like, so the worst few things that could happen, dude, you're past.

And now they're just going to do a little touch-up and remove the oil.

And, you know, as soon as you get a little more healed, then they'll be able to, you know,

stop that issue with the lens and cause the cataract.

Right.

Well, Nunu's right.

We should do pranks and start talking about old people things.

Good point.

Let's keep going.

going my mom had laser surgery to repair her uh detaching retinas too yeah i had that they didn't

do nothing they they said we're trying with the laser man i was like i know yeah you sound a lot

more severe yeah does she get the same problem carlito has the for the same cause well no not

the same reason she took a spill on the height when taking out the trash like on the ice she

She, like, fell and bumped her head and was unconscious for, like, 30 minutes.

Oh, my God.

Yes, it's hard.

And she just, she, like, lost the hearing in her left ear and started developing holes in her vision and shit.

Yeah, it was crazy.

Oh, wow.

Sorry, man.

Man, it actually gets better, man.

That's terrible, man.

Yeah, well, the laser seemed to be helping.

That's good.

That laser sucks, though, man.

It hurts like a motherfucker.

Sorry.

I had to go through it three times.

They tried.

Yeah.

Anyway, all right, let's continue on.

Let's call Maria.

Maria here.

Maria.

That's my mama's name.

There you go.

Maria.

Maria, oh, Maria.

She is guilty of leaving her pictures up.

Oh, like not picking up her pictures?

Yeah, exactly.

How do we know this?

Somebody told us.

Because Brad Carter said he was from corporate and needed a list.

And they said, sure, here you go.

Names and numbers.

Social engineering types.

Ed was in corporate.

I think even Bubba was in it.

That's right

We had called a Walmart corporate meeting

And a steak place in the middle of it

At some point

There's a Walmart to 329

Walmart 746

Yeah

Actually I think what did we do

We did Walmart and we did

McDonald's

He wanted to get everybody off

The no hamburger and the bread

Or something like that

Ted said I want you to take salad mix

And throw it everywhere

We're doing away with burgers

No more pizza

I just want salad

You imagine walking into McDonald's

And they got clumps of salad

Rotten

When are we going to give away

If I get the complimentary something

Well we lowered the price I think of the chicken McNuggets too

We were just doing sweeping changes

To the business

Well our conference calls

To Walmart

Walmart Electronics

that they had to hire a Mexican

and get rid of an American.

Isn't it something like that?

Yeah.

And they're all like,

okay, yeah, we can do that.

Yeah.

Well, there's a class that you get out.

That is on,

if you go to the show archive.

I need you to call.

Please leave your name and number

and I will call you back soon.

If you go to the show archives,

it's under the classic section,

like best of shows.

That way,

it's the conference.

Yeah, it's one of the conference shows.

That's listed on there.

Oh, man, it's not the classic.

I want to hear that now.

I was listening to the

Prankcast archive,

like show archive that worked while I was coding

and I like randomly

just like started bursting out laughing.

It's like really silent

when I work.

But that guy, that Asiatic guy

called me a mulatto.

A mulatto bisexual

or something.

Hey,

you got a new web stream address, man.

What was that, man? Maybe you could share it

with us on the list. It's

BluePlanetPrankRadio.com

Yep, that's it.

I keep forgetting to mention that.

We're on BluePlanetPrankRadio.com

and CactiRadio.com

also. I always forget that.

That's what I thought, man. I was hearing

something about that and I couldn't remember, man.

Thanks, Dad. You're welcome.

And if you call now,

I'll double the offer.

Included.

Hello?

Yes, hello.

Hello, I'm calling on behalf of...

And your pictures that you have here?

Uh-huh.

Do you make pictures on the camera and bring them here for you to make pictures?

Hello?

Photos?

Hello, stupid.

Yeah.

Hello.

Yeah, this is Paco.

She can't do the call.

God damn it.

Mexican people are so shy.

The guys get angry.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, but the person you called...

Doesn't speak English.

All right, so let's continue on.

Do we have more people on the list?

Yeah, a lot of the Muslims haven't answered

I've been calling them

I'll keep going, let's see

I didn't call them going down the list

I was doing them at random and I don't know which ones I called

And the ones I didn't

I'm sorry, but the person you called has a voice

Alright, we got Elva

Annoying Mexican ringtone, apparently

Elva

Volva

Nothing, Big X sending a number

Lonesome Loser sending in numbers

and hey we got a lot of request of pranks we gotta get to

we gotta start getting on these

let's see here

hi Carlito long time listener here

prank request Fonda rhymes with Donda

right

yeah call him up

that's a guy

call him up and tell him that you know he cheated last semester

and that if he doesn't cooperate

you can ruin him

and he'll never get into med school

he's Asian and he has skin acne problems

I do too

I got a pimple over here on my left side

That's a pit bull in my ass.

Good for you, Milkman.

Maybe that's a boil.

Maybe you'll die.

Or you can...

That's a tumor.

It's a tumor, not a tumor.

Oh, you can say he cheated on a biology class.

Okay, so Fonda, who's an Asian...

He's cheating on exams?

Yeah, I guess.

An Asian man named Fonda, who's trying to get into med school, call him up, tell him that we know he cheated on his biology class.

Okay, let's try it.

You want to do it, Ted?

Ted, you do it, Prank.

Yeah.

Give me a break.

I'll be the TA.

I don't know if he's in high school going into college

Well no if you're going to med school

He's in medical school

He had to be a college student

In theory

Unless he's like advanced placement

Unless the big X is a retard

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system

8

No answer big X

No answer give me a message if you think he's going to answer later

But I'll close out your window

Send me another message if you want me to try later

Okay let me play some music here

It's getting slow

well time is it time check 11 11 we got about an hour left or so i was wanting to end the show a

little early tonight or at least right on time because i got to be at work early tomorrow big

day tomorrow at work i'll tell you why but then you know where i work and i want you to know

sorry guys you guys uh changing all the chicken nuggets and the burgers we're putting salad

everywhere all right hiring mexicans all right we get aziza kebab uh it's a kebab place i thought

that was the name as he's a kebab all right whoops it's a kebab it's a kebab place i thought

that was someone's name kebab that's a pretty nice name what'd you be well this is not a restaurant

this is my name shish kebab hashish kebab shish kebab aren't those like yeah they're like random

sized pieces of meat and vegetable with uh sticks going through them man there you go very good

what do you want chloe leave me alone i ate turkey and she keeps begging for it it's gone

Vita Pop, it's Bill Davis speaking. How can I help you?

Hello?

Hi.

Hi. I had a kebab yesterday.

You had a kebab yesterday?

Yeah. You know how you have the stick going through the stuff?

Oh, no. We don't have kebab like that.

No?

Our kebab is chicken breast.

Uh-huh.

And it's put on the grill. We don't skewer it.

Oh, mine came with a skewer.

Oh, really?

Yeah. And I bit into my kebab, and I hurt myself something awful.

And it was a metal kebab.

Metal kebab?

Yeah.

And one of the patrons there started laughing at me.

And he pulled my pants down and smacked me on the bottom.

Oh, yeah?

In front of all the other patrons, he pulled my pants down and smacked me square on the bottom.

Then he took the skewer and started poking me in the penis.

That's awesome.

What are you going to do about that?

I mean, I've eaten there several times.

I've always had a good experience.

but this time I've been

de-pantsed and humiliated and I don't

think I can come back

has anyone heard about the

weird noises from the sky in the last few weeks

what no have you heard about that Ted

milkman the weird

noises from the sky I don't know

this is making the rounds in the news I didn't know

about that that's kind of scary

are they like um I don't know there's

people who claim that there's

some kind of background

around noise in the universe associated with 2012 but i don't i don't buy that 2012 stuff man you

know it sounds to me like it's the the mayans version of the y2k bug that's all it's like it's

like just because they didn't make a calendar for after 2012 it doesn't mean the world's gonna end

it's like oh if we don't bother to replace the calendar on the wall does that mean we're making

a statement that there won't be a next year yeah god they've been extinct for how long now it's

It's like, really? Seriously?

They had to end their stupid thing at some point.

But what wiped them out?

I don't know.

They say, like, crop failures.

Well, I think it was a bunch of things, right?

They say war, and then a corn crop failure.

They didn't fight the Spanish.

They were already gone when the Spanish made it, right?

Am I right there?

Did the Mayans or the Aztecs?

The Aztecs were the ones that fought with the Spanish,

but the maya is already extinct i think i don't i don't know it's it's awful it's awful it's awful

all right i don't know they got all those cities of gold and shit noises in the sky i don't know

maybe it's dr who who knows man all right big axe sending a message again here here uk ted might know

uk ted abusing his power how you doing man i was just playing with craggy light i know i know what

What do you know by these noises in the sky?

You're Mr. Smarty Pants.

Well, apparently, solar activity has gone up,

and you can see the northern lights, the aurora borealis,

in North Yorkshire at the moment, which is pretty rare.

Oh, man.

I haven't seen it, but my parents live in North Yorkshire,

so I'm going to get in touch and see if they've seen it.

Okay.

Aurora borealis.

It should be exciting.

Yeah, it sounds exciting.

Yeah, it makes you thankful for Earth's magnetic field,

protecting you from the naughty solar radiation.

That's true.

So can we, I don't think I'm allowed to give out gold stars, am I?

But if anyone can name the southern lights, what are they called?

Ah, are there southern lights?

The golden lights are Aurora Borealis, so what's the southern lights?

I don't even know.

There was a club in Orlando called Southern Lights.

I didn't know there really was a southern lights.

That's a good one.

I don't know.

I wouldn't know.

No, I don't know either.

But I heard it once, and I thought it was a really cool sounding word, but I don't know

what it's called.

I'll give out the gold star on your behalf.

Sounds good.

You got it, man.

Ding.

well we gotta get an answer first so someone answered speaking of smart people have you noticed

that milkman is like a walking encyclopedia he is that's why i asked him about my cataract thing i

was like milkman it's like explaining to you how the light enters your eye and then is bent through

the lens and in sense impulses to your visual cortex i mean we do the rods and the cones i mean

we do a good job on this show between him and UK

Ted seems pretty smart

with his history and Ted you're good with the philosophy

I think we could

make a pretty good panel for

who wants to be a millionaire

phone a friends man

or we could just like

have a bogus conference where we invite

people

have these panel discussions and they charge

a thousand dollars per pop to come

there you go and then we could have

the Asiatic guy cause he's a

an expert. I was going to say, we'd

pay a little

comparison to those guys. He knows all

about the biblical history. He's all about

the...

King Solomon was a faggot. King Solomon was a

faggot.

Alright, guys.

Come on. Pranks are what they're here for.

Nunu's going to start kicking people pretty soon.

Big X said he might

be a bitch and not pick up if it's a blocked number.

It should not have been coming up as blocked,

but I'll try it again in a little bit.

I'll try again, Big X. Don't worry.

um big perm yeah that'd be awesome i like the kid carlitos turns in a phone a friend who are

you going to call carlito well i had to get the asiatics on the line what's going on boy

you imagine they waste the whole time arguing about jews the whole 30 seconds

like yeah who wrote the the crucible uh well man you know the crucible it was written by king

king solomon he's a faggot he went into the cave i'm like wait a minute no shut up time's up i have

no idea now all right well aziza kebab's out of here we'll call robert atchison he's in england

let's call some people in england real quick yeah oh pure evil in the chat room got it right

it's everywhere australius oh cool that makes sense where's my dick it sounds very golden

in, doesn't it?

Hello? Yes, hello.

I'm sorry. No, go.

I'll take this one. Mr. Robert

Aitchison. Aitchies?

Yes. Yes, hi. Listen,

I was calling regarding your toilet.

How many times have you flushed it this evening?

Don't hang up. Come on, man. Damn it.

I should have let you know. Sorry. I found out

if you call British people

at 5 o'clock in the morning and just say

hello, how are you?

Just be really, really polite and say,

I'm just calling to see how you are.

all right let's do that yeah hello how are you no good it's 5 a.m well i was just calling to

say hi see how you were doing make sure you're doing okay today who the hell are you uh my name

is bill bill cross did you need anything no uh you don't need anyone to come clean a little bit or

maybe make your breakfast today no okay are you you feel safe in your own home i like that that's

a good idea let me try it again all right take us interrupted the last one i'll let you uh you

I mean, Ted Webb here.

Do you try?

Yeah, sorry about that.

I'd love to try one as well, if you do.

All right.

Ted Webb, you...

Go after me.

All right.

No, you get that.

Seriously?

Yeah.

Ted Webb, you doing it?

Yeah.

Hello.

This is Ted Webb.

Actually, my friends call me Theodore Webb, but...

Don't you dare call me again in the middle of the night.

What did you say to me, you bloody poof-da?

Stop.

She can't see the phone.

She got it?

Yeah.

I think she did.

She just hopes it's on the ground.

Let's try her back.

Was that a woman?

She's not an American at first.

Will you please get off the phone?

Hello there.

Hello, how are you, my dear?

Hello?

Get off the phone.

Hello?

I don't know if this is a bloody idiot

who's on the phone.

Don't call me a bloody idiot.

Hello?

It's very important that I speak to you.

I'll try.

You called me a bloody idiot.

No, that's not right.

Let me try.

He's got the magic touch.

Hello?

hello hello hello ma'am i know you're there you bloody idiot muggy hello can i um can i try one

more please yeah no we got i got a whole bunch of them this is fine that's fine man you can't

hang on before i forget three four what happened to the milk i don't hear it did he drop i think

he's just with a customer milk he's servicing a customer he's been oh boy okay this is going to

to be another robert i think these are all roberts's uh alan case that comes up no bullshit

banks robert banks hello mr banks yes oh hello mr banks how are you today this is the middle of the

morning are you well sir what are you well sir how are you oh you are that's that's great i'm

happy to hear that anyway listen to me my name is edward cronkhorn and i'm calling to see how you

are. Are you well, sir? No, I'm

not going away. Answer me.

Somebody said go away. I like that name.

Cronkhorn? Yeah.

Are you Edward Cronkhorn on

Facebook? Is that you, Ted?

No. Don't

give out my name.

Why would you use your real name, then?

Here we go

again. Hello.

Hi. Have you ever taken

an upper decker? It's where you

take the top part

of the toilet tank off.

if you have one

and then you poop in there

have you done that before

because

you know I have yet to do that

I will do it one day though

but I did

just for posterity's sake

when I was in high school

I used to put ketchup packets at McDonald's

in the toilet seat

where the little tab is that touches the seat

in between

so people would sit on it

what do you want cat

my cat wants attention

I picked up earlier

Yes, Robert

Yes

Good morning, sir, how are you?

Good morning

Good morning to you, I just want to make sure you're doing well, you're doing okay

Hopefully you sleep well

Who's this?

My name is Edward, Edward Kebab

Listen, I just want to make sure, you know, hopefully you're doing okay

Do you need anything?

Like towels brought to your room or anything?

Do you need any towels?

have they heard

the good news

about Jesus

yet

yeah

there you go

have they heard

the good news

they're calling

him back

what

yes did you

hear the good news

you realize it's

five o'clock

in the fucking

morning

oh I'm calling

from the United

States of America

I don't give a fuck

where you're calling

from

fuck off

that's not nice

to say

I don't understand

but you know

with being nice

and being polite

he was so polite

when he first

answered

answered. He went

from 0 to 60 in one call.

Yeah, a complete 180 degrees.

So what if people do not

like it when you're a lot to them?

Cat, I don't have any more turkey. You can't have turkey.

It'll give you an epilepsy. Okay?

Seriously. Epilepsy, really? Yeah, cats

will get epilepsy.

From turkey? Turkey. Turkey, not chicken.

Turkey. Alright, Chloe, you leave me alone now?

Hmm? Yeah, no kitty epilepsy.

Okay? I love you.

I'll talk to you later. Go. Run.

Geez. No, don't look at me like

gonna jump on my lap again no go away if i blow on her face she gets mad she's like stop you know

i hate that shit all right let's call him again you're gonna claw your bum she probably gave me

cataract damn bitch that's why they call it cataract her fault can i talk to him yep what's

your case man hello there are you well sir hello you fuck off no i need to talk to you it's very

important it's urgent are you well sir what did he say at first what's your case man what do you

case what's your case what's your case mom it's really important uh nunu nunu says in scotland

there's a big controversy over having a vote on independence really okay calls and americans say

that they can become independent and join with america and you will get you will give them 100

pounds of some buck fast if they agree what's buck fast i don't know nunu i'm not saying buck

fast so i know what it means because you might be implicated me in some homosexual stuff here's

Here's a fun fact.

Scotland is the only country on Earth that doesn't have Coca-Cola as its number one soft drink.

I respect them for that.

I think that's good.

What is it, Pepsi?

It's all the same.

Iron Brew.

What the fuck is that?

Yeah.

Well, Coca-Cola will probably buy that company out at some point.

No, no, it's independent.

For now?

They won't be sold.

We won't be sold.

That's what they say.

Freedom.

All the great American beers are no longer owned by American companies.

by german companies yeah why haven't they always been um german companies isn't is it what was it

called and who's your bush yeah it's a german company no it was an american company the guy

was from germany but he came to america yeah he came to america was brewing um yeah but what i

understand like back in the 90s and up until now um budweiser has been the highest sold beer in

germany like because it's cheaper it's like a decent cheap beer i could be wrong i could be

way off but i heard somewhere where that was a fact that budweiser was very highly sold in england

because you know it's middle of the road i could be wrong i don't know it's um i think it's been

replaced with fosters now foster is an australian one oh that's nasty really no one likes everyone

makes fun of fosters over here really yeah well nobody in um nobody in australia drinks it they

laugh at us for drinking it i think we're the only ones that do yeah because you got a big can oh

Oh, that's Australia, all right.

No way, man.

There's this nice little beer out of Puerto Rico that I've been trying to find up here in the States, and you can't.

They refuse.

This company is independent, and they refuse to go out of Puerto Rico.

It's called Medalla.

M-E-A.

Look at this cat.

It's like KDK's show over here now.

What is this?

She's on the top of my keyboard.

Seriously, what is your deal?

All right, whatever.

Star of the show?

Go ahead.

Go now.

It's here.

There's the camera.

Look, up here.

Okay, according to Wikipedia, in Scotland, Buckfast is associated with drinkers who are prone to committing antisocial behavior when drunk, especially drinkers under 18 years old.

Its high strength, relatively low price, and sweetness are characteristics that are thought to appeal to underage drinkers.

So it's chav juice, basically.

Chav juice.

I know you guys have an anti-chav thing there.

I hear you.

Oh, God.

All right, this is another Robert.

Robert, I tell you what the last name is, but my cat has now moved my mouse.

And I can't see.

Now she's got her face in the camera.

Oh, Chloe, aren't you cute?

Now you're typing.

Thank you.

I just missed getting in.

That would have made a great screenshot.

I don't know what she's doing.

She never does this during a show.

Seriously, I don't know what her deal is tonight.

Oh, girl.

You're funny.

All right, another Robert.

And they hung right up.

Invalid phone number.

Sorry, long number.

Long number.

All right, we got Robert Bolton.

Let's try that instead.

Any relation to Michael Bolton?

What's your favorite Michael Bolton song?

I don't have one.

Well, I enjoy his whole thing.

I'm quoting Office Space.

I celebrate his entire...

That's what it is.

His entire...

Bryce.

Robert.

Moron.

Jeez.

Let's try to call her back.

I think that was intentional.

It was intentional, yeah.

Robert.

Who the fuck are you?

What are you talking about?

Hi.

I just wanted to know if you were any relation to Michael Bolton.

because I celebrate.

The guy sounds the same.

I know.

It might be the same one.

I just don't know

because they'll say Robert.

I don't know anymore.

We're angry before the first cunt.

Hey, this is Michael Bolton.

Do you know who Michael Bolton is,

the singer?

Robert.

Roberto.

And there's stuff going on in the background.

Hello.

You silly twit.

All right, Milkman and Ted's,

if you do me a favor, cover your ears

right now, okay? Because it's going to get really loud.

What the hell is that? I was trying to get their attention.

Nothing. I don't know. Was that loud?

I tried to warn you guys because I was trying to.

Yeah, I turned it down. Good.

Okay, moving right along.

Robert Burden. Burden.

Are these just Scottish

people? No, these are English people.

Aloha? Where's Aloha?

Alva and Aloha. I don't...

Vulva. Vulva.

Speak to Miss Vulva, please.

That's what my wife says when I go down there.

Hello?

Hey.

Who is that?

Hi, my name is Jack Smith, and I'm calling from the volunteer firefighters.

You're calling at five o'clock in the morning.

We're looking for strongmen who can put out blazes.

Hello, ma'am.

She's gone.

Let's call Scotland now.

Michael Barclay.

So what is it now?

I'm sorry.

They have a vote on independence.

That's what it is.

All right, let me try the first one, and then you guys can take over.

Usually in Scotland, they're pretty angry and mean.

So this might be fun

Nasty nasty people

They might tell us what to do

With ourselves

So the Irish and the Catholics

Is that the whole thing or is it the other way around

Scottish Protestant

Yes hi I'm calling from the Catholic Scottish League

I was calling regarding

The vote for Scottish independence

Thank you very much bye

No listen wait wait please

Don't go

Wow hot button issue

No no no no opinion

Oh, thank you.

Bye.

No opinion.

Well, at least she was polite.

But we won't be.

Listen, I'm calling from America, the United States.

Okay?

Now, if you guys want to become separate, independent from England,

we've been down that road before.

We can help you out.

I'm sorry.

I'm not Scottish.

Thank you very much.

Where are you from?

She's pretty polite for a Scots lady.

She's not Scottish.

She's Mexican.

She says that.

I don't know.

Who's echoing?

Ted?

Ted Webb?

I'm echoing.

Someone.

Look, man.

There's an echo.

Why are you muting, Milkman?

What's your deal?

I got customers.

Oh, okay.

Oh, yeah, I do.

I don't like Argentinians.

No offense.

I don't like Argentinians or Venezuelans, man.

We're Colombians.

I'm not a big fan.

No offense.

I like Argentinians, but the government pisses me off.

My Colombian chicks are hot, too, bro.

They're going to go fuck themselves over Colombians.

Dirty, stuck-up people.

Colombianas are very hot.

Hot.

They'll kill you.

Yes, hi.

Is this Michael Boyle?

Yes.

Hi, Michael. I'm calling from the Scottish Independence League.

Were you planning on supporting independence for Scotland?

Nunu, it's not a good idea.

It's not a red-hot, you know what I mean?

They think it's a telemarketer.

What am I going to do?

I don't like this idea of Nunu.

Nunu has some good ideas sometimes, but not this time, Nunu.

I just, you know.

I think it's easier to just piss them off.

Well, here's James Allen.

We'll prove this.

You're better off opinion poll or see what they think about it.

Well, let's see how they're doing first.

Tell them all the idea.

Hello?

Hi, James Allen?

Sorry, who is this?

I'm calling from the American Wellness place.

How are you doing?

Are you okay?

You're calling from the American?

Uh-huh, the American OK location.

I was calling to see if you're OK, see if you're doing OK, if you're doing good.

Sorry, I'll have to go.

You'll have to excuse me.

No.

What is this?

Why are the Scottish people acting like the British?

Hello?

He was hung up and picked up again.

There must be something weird going on in Scotland because they're never that polite to me.

Yeah, the promo hang-up, man, that's beautiful.

Yeah, the Scots are acting like the British

and the British are acting like the Scots tonight.

I just don't see it.

They're not British, you fool.

Hi, laddie.

What?

I saw Braveheart. No, they're not.

The last line of Braveheart is one of their freedom.

I'm Canadian.

You're Canadian?

You're Australian.

I'm giving her all she can take.

This is a woman Australian.

Nice round basketball-sized titties.

It's good.

basketball titties

Ted Webb

you know what I'm

talking about

dribble on him

hey

is Mabel in the

chat tonight

who's in the chat

tonight

we got three people

in the chat

Ted Webb

yeah

I'm here

this is Michael

Barkley

no

hi

I live in the

neighborhood

and I lost

my bagpipes

and I was

wondering if you

had seen them

no sorry

they were

they're beautiful

bagpipes

that's excellent

I love it

I lost my bagpipes, okay.

Something pulled up her kilt and died.

They were in a bag.

The bagpipes were in a bag.

That's right, they were in a bag.

A plaid bag.

Hello.

Hi, sir.

I've been putting up flyers in the neighborhood.

I lost a family heirloom.

It's beautiful bagpipes.

And I was wondering if you had seen them.

I've seen them.

They were in a bag.

It was a large sack that I had the bagpipes in.

No, we haven't got them.

Why are you phoning at this time of the morning?

Well, because I need my bagpipes.

I'm afraid we don't have them, you know, so I don't know why on earth we'd be able to see them, so I'm sorry I can't help you.

Well, I think actually that you have them.

I haven't got them and I can't help you, okay?

Yes, yes, you do, because I saw you playing them the other day.

You were in your backyard in your kilt playing my bagpipes.

Is it on?

I don't know.

Hello?

He's imagining

Playing with your bagpipes

That's giving me a good idea

For a call actually

Somebody rescue me

Can I take a stop

No no no

Hello

Alright we'll try

I was calling the guy back

Another Scottish number here

James Borthwick

Do you know whereabouts he lives

Motherwell Scotland

Scotland, your mother, Scotland.

Your mother, well.

How's your mother?

Yeah, you can take this one.

Go ahead, you kids.

I'm a little pranked out for the night.

You guys can help out by all means, sure.

Here you go.

Hello?

Hello.

Hello there.

I was wondering if you could help me.

I'm sorry.

I live in Motherwell as well, and I put up some posters the other day for my cat, my lost cat.

I don't know if you've seen them at all, have you?

No.

Do you know what time it is?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, I do.

Um, the thing is, I've, um, I found my cat now, but I, I moved away from Motherwell,

so I, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind taking the posters down for me, because, um...

No, I just, I don't take any posters down, no, no.

Well, you see, I keep getting, I keep getting people calling me.

I get these strange Scottish people calling me, telling me they found my cat.

Would you mind taking the posters down for me?

Just as soon as you can, please.

I think she left.

We'll call her back.

I don't take down any posters.

Not very compliant, is she?

She could be a little more helpful.

will you stop

will you stop ringing this phone

I was calling you to get you to help me

I need you to take down these posters for me

would you mind

ask her if she has another phone you can ring

one more try

it's not illegal if we call three times

I don't know what the rules are there

or you guys are

no it's the same

she left it off the hook

okay

let me get back to the numbers here

We've got about 30 minutes left of show

Get your requests in while you can

We'll do some more Scottish UK numbers

I'll get to the request of pranks late as usual

Which means I probably won't answer

Because I waited so long

Call up another UK

They're more angry tonight

I want them to take my posters down

I keep getting phone calls

You gotta let it go man

On for a free haggis dinner

At McDonald's

Oh yeah that's what I want

A little specialty

i want to call her and tell her i keep getting disconnected and see if she has another number

i can contact her on let me try something wrong with your phone my dear i'm gonna try her back

maybe she took it off the hook already or put it back on the hook already no busy nope she knows

how to do it yeah i lost the chat room come on chat room there we go whoops okay scott oh hang

on let's do a uk one real quick robert cameron robert robert cameron okay hey front desk yeah

Yeah, um, could you send some coffee and towels up to my room?

This is not a hotel.

Um, yes it is.

I've called down several times, and someone has not been to my room with the towels, and the sheets are dirty.

I don't care if the sheets are dirty, I'm going to sleep. Goodbye.

I want to sleep too, but the beds are filthy.

I don't work with the sheets.

Is that the same person?

Yes, yes.

Hello?

Hello? Hello, can I set a wake-up

call, please, for 8 a.m.?

Yes, sir. I'm sorry, um, this is

this is Ted, I'm in room 327.

Can I get a wake-up call, please, for 8 a.m.?

Hello? Number again, I'm contacting

the police. Excuse me? No, I

just wanted to order a wake-up

call for 8 a.m., please.

Hello? How dare you, sir? Let me try this

one now. Same one.

Welcome to BT Answer 1571.

Hello? Hello?

Yes, um, what's going on here? I'm calling

from the office. I understand

and you're taking a long time to get towels delivered,

and you're refusing to set the wake-up calls?

Listen, Melinda, you're going to get written up for a third time.

We're going to fire you if you don't get working here.

Now, you've been working at this hotel for six months.

Piss off.

I'll piss off her face.

Piss off her face.

I will send a bubby to your house.

Hit me in the head.

Who is this?

Same person?

Yep, they won't answer.

How do you turn on the porn channel?

Welcome to the...

What?

How do you turn on the adult channel on the TV?

You asking me, or are you...

Oh, that's a question for...

That's a question for the person on the other end of the line.

Let's see if James Boyd is angry here.

You're trying to tune into Naughty Knickers.

Yeah, I'm going to try and schedule car maintenance with James Boyd.

I'm getting tired, I'm telling you.

I might end the show sooner than I said.

Milkman saying the n-word

I need to bring my car in tomorrow

The engine is making a terrible sound

Every time I turn

What's the earliest time I can bring it in

Hello

I need to make an appointment

In my car

Because the transmission is messed up

You guys do some

Sorry

I'm trying to make an appointment

Oh, you get a car out and get a...

It's not a flat tire.

The transmission is fucked.

That's a flat tire, of course, it's not.

Can you fix it?

I'll fix it. Just throw the tire out and I'll be okay.

Okay, what time can I bring it by?

You can bring it at Christmas time.

See you at Christmas.

You bring it in the 25th.

Bring it in the 25th for this.

That's too long from now. Do you have a loaner car program?

You could do it the day before Christmas.

I need a loaner car if it's going to take that long.

Oh, well, it's as fast as it can go.

I'm not a very good mechanic, you know.

I don't have the great car.

You know, you're very unprofessional there.

Yes, I am very unprofessional.

Yeah, I heard that you were replacing the oil in the engine with cooking oil.

Yes, I usually use cooking oil, but sometimes I use lard.

It's better lard.

It makes it go and makes noises when it's going.

Well, that's the time I do business with you.

No, I don't think so.

And you'd better go maybe to the hospital.

Maybe you'll be a bit softer.

You can't control where I take my car.

Yes, I'll do it.

Go to the hospital and we'll do an operation.

We'll cut the tires out and make sure it works.

What are you talking about?

What the hell is that guy on?

Maybe the tires...

To tell you the truth,

I didn't understand a single word he said.

I remember every...

It was great, man.

It was brilliant.

every eighth thing

Irish people are

helpful and polite

yeah

it's not like

Jeff Borderman

you know

the grandpa and

friends guy

so he said

he would fix your

car but in

Christmas

the day before

Christmas

yeah bring it in

Christmas

he was trying to

be smart

yeah he was being

rude

wow

he said he thought

it was a flat

tire

yeah I'll fix it

a flat tire

alright cool

crazy old man

you gotta fix a

flat

well

Oh, that's awesome.

That guy was pretty cool.

All right, here's another one.

The same area.

Hello?

Yes?

Yes, hi.

I wanted to make a request.

I need five towels in my room, please.

Sorry, you got rubbed up there.

No, listen.

This is the stupid hotel.

And you're the woman that smoked cigarettes in the bed.

Sorry, you rubbed up there.

Stop.

Well, can you please send me a towel?

I don't know.

I don't know what you're talking about.

When you come inside the room, do you want me to cover my bottom with a towel?

Or is it okay if I have my naked bottom in the air?

No.

Okay.

What's the etiquette if you're getting a massage?

Do you have to cover your body?

I think you have to cover at least your culo.

You're an outcast.

Hello?

Who made me get off on the police?

Listen.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Will you massage me with oil or powder?

I do feel slightly guilty calling the old and the infirm.

Not when they're Scottish, obviously.

That's okay.

Milkman's on here.

He's one of them.

So now you're saying Scottish or English, but they're a different country.

Make up your mind.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

You guys own everything?

Scottish or Welsh

I don't get it I don't get your whole little thing

Over there you know

And then Northern Ireland is independent but it's not

No Northern Ireland is part of France

What? Shut up

Southern Ireland is part of Wales

And Wales is part of Scotland

Now you're just messing with me

I don't appreciate that

Go outside and look

Go outside and look at the

I'm on the south coast

Can't see it

It's the same place

If I go outside, I see the Atlantic Ocean.

Oh, nice.

Outside of your house, literally?

You're on the beach?

Yeah, pretty much.

Oh, wow.

Nice, nice.

It's not a nice beach.

Do you go fishing?

I did once, but it was too windy.

No, my beach is horrible.

It's all, like, pebbles, and if you go this time of night, there's just people having sex.

Nice.

We should go look at that.

Watch it.

It's the gay capital of the UK.

I don't want to watch.

Oh, it's gay.

Well, any gay girls?

You know, like, girls?

No.

No, the Brighton Dykes are not pretty.

Think a woman's rugby team.

What's rugby?

It's like football, but without the pads.

They run around with these sticks and they...

Oh, that's gay.

And they have nets on the sticks and then they throw the ball.

Wow.

Lacrosse, yeah. You call it lacrosse.

No, rugby's different.

No, wait. No, you have lacrosse, too.

Rugby's like football.

Hello?

Hey, yes, hi. Did you want to play some rugby and then have sex with me in the Pebble Beach?

Hello?

A little too strong.

Maybe you can just call someone and ask them out.

I'm just a little forward with him, asking for sex on the first call.

I'm a little forward with him.

I got to ease into that one.

Ask him about the foot pussy that Milkman likes so much.

I like RBCP's Twitter profile.

It says, my life is so interesting that I tweet at least 600 times a day to let you know what I'm up to.

Nice.

What is the phone show?

Do you know what that is?

That's RBCP's Tuesday show.

He does pranks

sometimes. He does most of the time

he does pranks. It's a really good show

actually. They do really elaborate pranks.

Yeah. I was just asking because

I just got an email

asking if I would let them

broadcast on the

planet too. It's good stuff, man.

Yeah, if you want it.

I like RBCP. I mean, I've been listening

to Phone Losers for a really long time.

You should. I'm not telling you

what to do. But hey, he's got a

a feed he's got a podcast of the phone show you can listen to a few of them if you want

on uh on his site is it phone shows.org is it their phone show i think he's got phone shows

on something but at least phone losers but i thought it was a phone show sites but it might

be phone losers slash phone show i think but i thought he had a one for specifically that he

took out for fun might not well yeah phone losers.org uh from there i think you can subscribe

to that feed and listen to a few of them i went to cacti radio they have like a little part of

the page that has the phone

show stuff on it. There you go.

Cool. Do it. Do it.

Do it. You've got my recommendations.

I'm all for RBCP and the phone show.

There's other shows. Sometimes

on the weekends. Sometimes Saturdays Rob does a

show but he's very inconsistent

when he does it. The Craigslist show is

very good as well. I recommend that one.

It's a little crazy though. Ted might be a little

scared to have that on the station.

They do some stuff.

Back in November I think.

Didn't they convince an Applebee's to take

take all their meat,

tell the Applebee's the meat was bad,

throw the meat in the dumpster,

and then pour bleach all over it.

And they actually did it.

You know, it was horrible, horrible, horrible.

It's like, wow.

You should fill a dumpster up to the top with water.

The water's just a big garden hose out there.

Yeah, but, okay.

Well, the numbers from Lonesome...

We got another one.

Here we go.

Gordon Allen, England, Bristol, England,

home of the gays.

Bristol.

So, is it, there's a lot of gay people there, or is this a gay beach in Bristol, or whatever?

Mr. UK Ted.

Oh, UK Ted.

UK Ted got scared.

What happened?

He's like, Gordon's my neighbor.

Yes, hello, Gordon Allen.

Yeah.

How are you, buddy?

Speaking.

Hey, my name is Brad.

I'm Brad.

Bradley.

I just wanted to see how you're doing today.

Make sure you see if you need anything.

Do you know the time?

No, I'm calling from Illinois, from the United States, and we just called people.

Well, it's 5.40 in the morning, and I don't want to speak to you.

Oh, you're supposed to wake up now.

I had to.

Oh, man.

Why doesn't he want to talk to me?

I'm not too good at this thing tonight, the wake-up calls.

You guys are doing way better than I am tonight.

Jill says you can't take her to the beach.

Hello.

You're not available now.

Oh, man.

They're not available now.

That's right.

I got another Gordon here in Bristol.

Bristol.

It reminds me of Monty Python for some reason.

Bristol?

They talk about Bristol.

I think I'll be wrapping up the show after this call here.

Okay.

Hello?

Gordon!

Go ahead.

It's been 30 minutes, and I'm still waiting on my cab.

So I ordered a taxi about 30 minutes ago, and it's not here.

I'm not a taxi company.

Oh, now you're not a taxi company.

When you can't provide the service that I need, then you just lie.

I think you've got the wrong number.

No, I've been sitting out here for like 30 minutes.

When are you coming?

Outside there.

Sorry?

What address have you written outside?

I'm on 313 Aborn Crest.

That's not the address you're outside.

What?

I'm not there.

No, that's where I am.

Of course you're not there.

I'm waiting for you to arrive at 313 A1.

But you're rigging the wrong number.

I'm not a taxi company.

This is the number I called, and somebody answered the phone.

What number did you call?

I can't see it now.

My phone is busy.

Well, I'm not telling you the number you're calling,

because I'm not going over my number,

but it's not the right number, sorry.

Well, would you be willing to give me a ride?

A ride?

No, I won't, because I don't even drive. I'm not a taxi company.

No, I mean, you could just work pro bono or something and, like, come and get...

I'm a job, mind you. I'm not even a taxi driver.

What kind of driver are you?

I'm not a driver.

Do you drive a car?

I haven't even got a license.

Oh, they took it away from you, huh?

No, I've never had a license. I don't drive.

Were you doing the jello shots while driving or something?

No, no, I wasn't driving. No.

Do you have a bicycle?

Yeah, what's that? I can't get away with a bicycle, can I?

A bicycle built for two?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah?

Okay, yeah, your bicycle, your tandem, and...

Yeah, yeah.

Well, this is not relevant, is it?

You want a taxi, and it's no good to you, is it?

Okay?

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, too.

Oh, my God, that was frightening.

Yeah, goodbye.

You've seen the end of 2000, whatever, Space Odyssey,

bicycle bill for two but he's shutting down hell 9000 he's like oh poor i feel bad for hell don't

you feel bad for hell in that movie in the end remember i know he killed those two guys but

they had to kill him yeah but he he meant well he meant well i really didn't understand the

appeal of that film i i i don't know it it can put me to sleep sometimes you know i like watching

it it's really cool to look at it's kind of interesting but it'll goddamn put me to sleep

if i'm tired when i'm watching it you know it has and i didn't understand the end of it

first time i was like what the fuck it's like he's having a bad trip yeah oh uk ted has really

taken a pounding on the on this beach thing yeah man did you go to the beach what happened where'd

you go yeah i just went to see if i could um find some doggers doggers i like to throw pedals at

at them cat cottaging that's nice okay cool that's gotta be best so you find like condoms

and the pebbles and stuff that's nasty man man this one um i haven't seen that you do see a lot

of heroin needles around town though especially on the train tracks oh boy the train tracks really

it's a thing to do yeah on the train tracks okay i like to think that they um they don't know

they're on the train tracks and they're so fucked they just lie there and the train comes along and

and all that's left is the needles.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

They just disintegrate.

It's, like, so sad.

The heroin just makes them disintegrate.

There used to be, like, a needle exchange building

just behind my hotel, actually,

so we used to end up with the Skagheads

coming into the lobby at night.

I had to chase them off with a broomstick.

With a broomstick.

What did you call them, Skagheads?

Skagheads.

I don't know.

What would you call them?

Heroin.

addicts.

What do we call them?

Junkies?

Junkies.

Yeah.

I got a few requests to praise.

You guys can stay on if you want.

Let me try to knock these out.

Someone's grandfather who gets angry at the funniest shit.

Far the one answer, but...

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

8, 4, 5, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 5, 3, 2, 1.

Okay, can you send in a number for some douchebags back in the kitchen, friend of yours?

But it's kind of late.

I don't think they're going to answer.

and in the light of moving on and ending the show here soon,

I will have to pass on that.

Now, Bobby Roode, you know, I just can't.

I've got to go to sleep.

Bobby Roode, I'm going to apologize.

Bobby Roode, he's a Twitter listener,

and he wanted to send me numbers, and he sent me.

He actually went through the trouble.

I feel bad.

He sent one, two, three, four, five, six, seven separate requests to pranks,

and I just hate, like, he took the time out.

You know, it makes me feel bad.

Someone sat there, took the time out to fill out the stupid form,

and then I don't even call any of them.

Guy's name is John Melson.

He works on computers and puts an ad on Craigslist and Facebook.

Say he fucked up your computer and he smelled like pot when you picked up your computer.

Okay, I'm going to go with whatever he said.

He works at computers and put an ad on Craigslist.

Okay, cool.

You like that?

Does that turn you on?

Look at you, Mr. Drugs.

Smoking drugs.

Your

call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

seven. Oh, no answer

there, sir. We'll try another one.

I want straight to voicemail. I gotta

try at least one of these for Bobby Rude.

Please call the guard. Well, he

said, please call the guard before 1045

Central Standard. That's already

too late.

Yeah, I said Central

Milkman. What time zone

are you in? Pacific? Right?

Yeah. Okay.

This guy's a real dick. His name is Shiloh.

And he falsified info to take his kids

away from their mom from custody.

We can't mention that.

We'll call and see

from Microsoft going to cancel his Xbox

account. His name is Naked on Xbox

for bad behavior and cheating during games.

Okay, good.

Shiloh.

Shiloh, like the city.

Maybe like Bricktona Farm.

Civil War Battle, right?

Yeah, the Battle of Shiloh.

It's up right here where I live, I think, isn't it?

Speaking of Xbox Live, if anyone

wants to add me, that would be fun.

I'm going to give out your tag.

Harry Flashman.

Harry Flashman?

Flashman.

F-L-A-S-H-M-A.

It's out there.

It'll be on the podcast.

It's warning you.

Yeah, go for it.

Yeah, hi, listen.

I'm calling from Xbox Live Accounts.

Yeah, we have you registered down with the name Naked.

You what?

We have you registered with the screen name Naked on our system.

We're canceling your account.

There's reports of bad behavior and cheating.

I've been on Xbox for months.

Yeah, exactly.

From four months ago, we have you down, I guess,

I don't know if you were playing some online shooters.

We have some piracy complaints.

You were playing pirated games on Xbox Live,

and the system caught you.

It caught your IP address.

We have your name as Shiloh via your internet provider.

That's right.

You're playing with...

Go ahead.

Pre-ordered Modern Warfare from GameStop 3.

Yeah, no, it's a pirated copy of Modern Warfare 3

that you were playing online with,

and we got your gamer tag,

and then we had a subpoena

to your internet service provider

and they gave us your IP address

and we got your information

so we're just calling to let you know

first of all that your gamer tab

it's going to be disabled within the next three hours

hold on

I have that it's not

for number two

I don't understand

how any of this is months later

my Xbox has been broken

for four months

it took four months for your

your cable company, your internet provider,

it took them four months to give us this information.

For number one, there's nothing that...

You guys don't need to be touching my game tag.

For number one.

For number two, you guys are jumping off...

No, no, no, no, no.

You guys are jumping off the few assumptions.

You guys don't even know what the hell's going on.

For number one, I'm innocent until proven guilty,

and I can prove the fact that I'm innocent.

You're playing with a pirated registration key.

When you're logged into Xbox Live, it's spread it.

it's logged into the Xbox Live servers

and here in Microsoft in Seattle

we got a whole list of people

within five days that we're doing this

and we subpoenaed all the internet

providers and we got your information

so we're doing this, first of all

and I want you to understand

video game piracy

is very serious

video game piracy

is a very serious offense sir

I understand that, I can prove that

it's not, then what

You should be very ashamed of yourself.

I prove that it is from GameStop.

Well, you have several games here.

Several games of what?

Several pirated games that you were playing.

Like what?

Well, the one that I've got here is Modern Warfare 3.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Okay, for me to not assume that you guys are a prank phone call

and I don't end up calling my T-Mobile server to prove that you guys are fake

and then have you guys served with an arrest warrant for harassing me at, what is it, 9 o'clock at fucking 9?

It's 12.

Plain and simple, you can prove to me by telling me what other games I've had on my Xbox.

The only list I have is...

And you have exactly, like, 10 seconds to tell me exactly what I've had on my Xbox.

Shut up. You don't tell me what to do.

Listen, I run the computer machine here.

You understand?

You don't tell me what I have to do.

Piracy is illegal.

You are calling my phone at 9 o'clock at night, bud.

Piracy is a serious offense.

I'll tell you what you can and cannot do.

I call the shots.

Either you prove to me you are who you are,

or I will call the cops and have you harassed.

I call the shots.

I call the shots here.

I'm in charge, and I run the board.

No, you don't, bud.

No, you don't.

I'm turning off right now.

I haven't done a damn thing wrong.

I'm turning off.

I just turned you off.

And fucking prove that I have no pirate-ass fucking ass.

You're out of here.

You know this is all being recorded.

You know this, right?

I'm putting you on.

I don't give you permission to record this.

It doesn't matter.

Well?

Unless I prove it to, unless I bring it up in court, it does not matter that I'm recording this.

I don't care.

I can show it to police officers that you are harassing me at 9 o'clock at night and not have any proof of who you are.

When you signed up for an Xbox Live account, you gave authorization for us to contact you if you were pirating games.

Yes, if I'm pirating games.

There's nothing that you have shown me where I'm pirating games, let alone multiple games.

I have computer receipts and everything here.

My .matrix printer comes up.

Computer receipts? No, I'm not asking for computer receipts.

You're harassing me over my phone.

Tell me what other pirating games

I have on my Xbox account now.

I already told you that I only have

access to... No, you said Modern Warfare 3.

That was it.

Tell me what else I have on my account

that is pirated. I can't see. Hello, stupid mister.

I can't tell you what other ones you have.

This is a lawsuit. Because you're lying out your ass

and you're not who you say you are.

electronic arts is making this lawsuit against you that's the only information i have sir

he's gone wow oh shit i was saying if we could find out his um xbox name you can look it up

on xbox live and list the names he's played i said what it is i think he needs a call right

let me just have your english i want to have an english lawyer yes we'll look him up there

real quick uh mr harry ballsack whatever your username is your gamer tag look it up all right

Okay, Ted, let's take it so long.

I thought you had something going on here, man.

I think it's time to call in the big guns.

It's time for me to get going, man.

It's 1 o'clock.

That was good, Bobby Roode.

I told you we'd get to it finally, Bobby Roode.

I'm glad we did.

24-hour health club, and I feel that Zach was treating me bad when I came in to join the club

and that he was coming on to me.

All right, we can do that.

Ted, you want to do that?

Would you be interested?

No, I've done a health club call before.

Before, they never turn out.

I have like a health club call from a while ago that I did that went on for like 30 minutes.

Really?

Just nothing.

I got you.

Make it short.

Yeah, it won't be short if I do it.

I know you need to go to bed.

Let's see.

Can you tell me what's all about you to Jesse?

Jesse, hi.

I have a complaint to make about a gentleman there who was looking at me in a sexual way.

Um, all right.

He's a worker there named Zach.

He was treating me bad, and when I came in and joined the club, he was treating me bad,

and then he was coming on to me.

He was looking at me, and he was talking about towels to me also.

Okay.

Is it normal for me, for the man, not to cover himself fully with the towel

after the workout and the sauna and all that stuff?

I don't, I have no idea.

Well, you know how sometimes the men go there and they take off their towels?

I guess, I don't know, I don't really go in the men's locker room.

Yeah, well, Zach, he was showing me his privates, and he said it was normal.

Yeah, I don't think he did that.

Yeah, he did. Put him on.

What? Put him on, I said, woman.

Yeah. No, put him on. I'm sorry.

Oh, man. See? There you go.

Look, you got up too. Something bad between

us, I think.

Put it on, man. Put it on, woman.

Anything UK Tech, because I'm ready to call it off.

It's the night. No, you may as well call it

a night. Alright, alright. Well,

here we go. Well, let me

we'll keep Milkman on, but UK Tech

thanks for being on tonight, brother. You're the man.

Thank you, sir. No, thanks for having

me. Bye, everybody.

You got it, UK Ted.

I'll talk to you soon, man.

Take care.

Bye.

And then Ted Webb, good night.

BluePlanetPrankRadio, right?

Dot com?

Yeah, it just flows off the tongue.

It does, man.

Yeah.

All right, see you later.

I'm going to get a shorter domain name.

Look for Blue Pranks.

I bet you that's still out there.

Yeah.

I won't get rid of, obviously, the long one, but I need a short one that I can say to people.

Yeah, the redirect.

Okay.

Cool, man.

Smile you later.

Take care.

See you.

Bye.

All right, Ted Webb.

And then, Will Milkman, it's your time, Milkman.

Try to do it fast because, like I said, I've got to get me in bed.

I've got to take a minute's rest.

All right.

Let's make it snappy, buddy.

Snappy.

All right.

Well, I'd like to thank everybody for showing up and hope you enjoyed it.

And he's out here known as the man.

All of our friends in the chat room, all our friends over at Cacti, they called in tonight.

Special guest, Will Webb and UK Ted also joined us.

Thank you so much.

A lot of good numbers there from the Lonesome Loser and a couple bets there from Nunu.

Appreciate all your help, everybody.

Thank you so much.

And the Request a Prank there, Todd Rude, thank you so much for sending in a good call there.

And we'll be looking forward to hearing from the rest of you here real soon.

Because every week we do this show for you.

That's right, our freaking plus lovely listeners.

We do this for free.

All we do, we ask that you give us the time, and we'll drop the dime, man.

Bring your friends, or better yet, send your enemies, because they're always welcome here in the Madhouse.

I'd also like to thank our guest listener, Jack Lady.

Hope you enjoyed our show tonight.

I'd also like to thank Danny Wright for giving the Hummel Burger to Jack Masterson.

That was excellent.

And I'd like to thank all our friends out there that are listening over in the ear balls around the world

on the Madhouse Radio Network,

Cacti Radio Network,

Blue Planet Frank Radio Network.

Thank you so much.

And especially we couldn't do it without the numbers here, man.

Thank you so much.

And our big man, the man,

the leader of the militia,

the General Lee Simone of the Madhouse,

Hermione Soprano de Sá.

Thank you.

Over to me.

Thank you, Milkman.

Yes, as Milkman said already,

a big thanks to UK Ted, Ted Webb,

Everyone who submitted numbers including Lonesome Loser

Big Nunu in the chatroom holding it down

All our people in the chatroom including all the ops

Thank you for everything

I want to thank all the listeners as always

Everyone who submitted pranks including those

That I didn't get to I really apologize

It's not as easy as it used to be around here

I try to do my best when it comes to

Well we'll keep them on the list for later calls

So don't think that they're going to waste

So Bobby Ruth thanks for sending us your numbers

Including that last one we did there was pretty good

RBCP thanks for sending in

the uh walmart photo calls those are pretty good anarchy punk and big ken sorry i didn't get to

your numbers red sloth man i'm sorry i didn't get to that either i know you sent in a prank earlier

tonight uh shit yeah i really should have done that you really wanted me to do that to your red

sloth man number shit sorry man sorry sir uh dustin keifer lulu cario and dirty aaron sent

in requested pranks that i did not get to but they're saved here if you remind me next week

i will do them i promise they don't they don't get lost or saved in a bank so thank you yes if

you do your part and remind me i'll do my part and get to them i promise i know and yeah thanks

uh to everybody we're gonna be gone we'd be gone we'd be out of here good night milkman take care

good night everybody catch you next week madhouselife.com horse.org

Calls (32, 1 h 33 min of 2 h 44 min)

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