Crackers the Shark

I challenge you and your friend to go to the show website, bluewaffle.net.

Thank you, Pat.

Well, you go ahead and do that.

You're a fuckboy.

There you go.

Right out there, some nasty shit.

Some girl on here.

Nah, I don't put it in the episode, but we really do get down.

Who is this?

You are listening to the House Radio Podcast.

This is basic civil defense information from the Department of Defense.

Office of Civil Defense, Washington.

If the United States should be attacked with nuclear weapons,

It's almost certain that our networks of warning stations would detect incoming bombers or missiles

in time for you to reach shelter or at least take cover.

You may receive warning of an attack by radio, television, or through the outdoor warning system in your community.

It's important that you learn to recognize the attack warning signal and not confuse it with any other.

In most places, the standard attack warning signal is a three to five minute wavering sound

or a series of short blasts on whistles, horns, or other devices.

Either of these signals means that an actual enemy attack has been detected

and you should take protective action immediately.

Find out from your local civil defense office

the attack warning system that will be used in your community.

Well, hello there, everybody. Good evening.

How you do there?

I'm Carlito, boss of pranks.

On the air tonight, Madhouse Radio, Madhouse Live.

madhouse pranks whatever the fuck you call it this is what we're doing hooray good for us

big fucking deal sorry for the late start with me here as normal as most of the time is the milkman

i'm sounding what i'm sounding good sounding chipper like always thank you because i'm

drinking liquid chipper tonight ha thank you all right i'm excited because i found butt ice you

don't always find but ice you know and i found but i sent about 30 cans worth of it so good good

for me yeah wow others i messed up on the video whoops now you can see me i don't know why you

want to see me but you can see me all right ken's gonna get drunk and listen to me good everyone

should get drunk tonight if you can ig richie you shouldn't get drunk yeah well yeah here we are it

is uh the first show of march is it march yet is it march first today yes march first of march

March. All right.

Mikey went to a holy shit crowley to put a piece of cake on top of that pop filter and eat it.

What are you trying to say?

Why? It looks like a plate?

Or am I fat? I'm a fat? Is that why?

I'm a fat.

Get in front of me.

Plate.

Hot plate. It's a hot plate.

Look it up if you don't know what it is.

We'll be doing prank calls tonight.

I think we've got a few requested pranks already in here.

If you haven't sent any and you'd like to, you can do so.

Visit madhouselive.com.

That's my website.

site uh there's an easy to use request a prank uh button there nice easy to use form all we ask

is that you fill it out as best as possible send it in it comes right here to the desktop

and i push them through we got a few prank uh requests here from dirty aaron red sloth man as

few as well as a few others ken reminding us that we should call chill fag boy in florida

that's right um yeah so we got a lot of people here in the chat room already tonight

If there's anybody in your

Facebook friend list

Or messenger list

Your Google talk list or whatever

And you think they'd enjoy the show

Let them know

Come here and hang out with us

In the chat room over at MadhouseLive.com

Do that

Nothing really to talk about

I don't care

I don't care what's going on in the world

I just care about prank calls tonight

That's what we'll do

What about you Milkman?

Anything going on with you?

Did you get a new job yet or whatever?

You were trying to move around

What happened to you last week?

You weren't around last week

Actually, I'm back at Razzle Scooters again, man.

I'm working there again.

Now, last week, a week after, when I couldn't show up for the show,

I had a breakdown on the scooter, and they had me on the back of a tow truck,

so it's why I missed the show.

Right.

Nunez says we're not on Cacti.

Why are we not on Cacti?

We should be on Cacti.

We're not on Cacti?

Oh, man, we're not on Cacti.

We're on Blue Planet.

We started the show, we're not even streaming correctly?

Oh, God.

Milkman, I really fucked up.

I've never done that mistake before

Where I've actually forgotten

Forgotten the fucking

Shellcast

I'm really all fucked up tonight

Let's try it again

I could have sworn I had a connection to them

I didn't bother checking

I thought I had the connection there

For the last 30 minutes

Let me get

Milkman better catch that train

There we go

We should be on

We should be on cacti now

I'm getting Blue Planet here taken care of.

Well, good.

I'm glad you're here, Milkman.

You were missed.

You know, a few people were in all last week.

You missed a great show.

And all last week, we were like, where's Milkman?

You know, a bunch of people asking me, even after the show, is Milkman okay?

So it's good to see you here.

Yeah.

You got to be here, man.

You can't not be here.

We're out with cheese pie last week.

After the breakdown, dude, I had a real tough time here.

Sorry about that.

But I tried to get back to quick fix to it, man.

It's okay.

Okay, you got to do what's important to you.

All right, well, we got a request of pranks.

Let's do them.

We're at Slothman, and we've had mixed results with his request of pranks.

I'll give him a try here.

Big honor to be the first to the show because, you know,

actually they're usually the ones that get thrown away.

A number in Bristol here, 24-hour plumbing.

Ask the plumber if he can fix a leak in your wallet.

In my wallet.

Okay.

All right, sounds like a problem.

Numbers for plumbers.

We've got a whole bunch of plumbers here.

Excuse me.

Really expensive call out charges

I think it would be funny to say you have a leak

Then slowly make out that it's a leak in your wallet

Well that's your idea Red Sloth Man

But we'll see what we do here

Calling Bristol UK

First prank of the night

Oh by the way if you're using AOL Yahoo Instant Messenger

You can send me your prank request also there

Or your messages

Keep up with me if you'd like

Madhouse Radio and AOL Yahoo Instant Messenger

MSN Messenger users

Madhouse at live.com

Take care of it there.

Is this the plumber machine?

It is, yeah.

Now listen, I've got some problems with the toilet.

Okay.

Alright, do you guys come out 24 hours?

Post code?

Mm-hmm.

I'm in the hotel, I'm not sure.

I'm staying in a hotel here in Bristol.

Okay.

What's the problem with the hotel then, sir?

Well, I don't want the hotel to know that I messed up the toilet.

Okay, sir.

Don't go, please.

I will, sir.

Goodbye.

No, come on.

I'm going to pay you money, asshole.

Yeah, shithead.

What a dick.

Come back.

That's legitimate.

What a douchebag.

How can I help?

Come on, something bad happened with the toilet.

And if the hotel finds out, I'm going to be in big trouble.

You've got to help me out.

Please?

Look, he hangs right up.

I'm not going to help.

Asshole.

Milkman, you tell him.

Tell him.

I don't know.

Ask him something.

Ask him about a toilet.

There you go.

You ready?

I'm not going to help.

Yes, do you fancy a bomb, mate?

He hung right up.

He doesn't want to play.

We've got more of them, though.

I think he does fancy a bomb.

I can just tell.

I think he does.

Yeah, he doesn't want to know.

Oh, I had an idea.

Yeah, I had something we could do.

I don't know if you were into this, Milkman.

I thought about us giving a call to, well, I found Reclude Studio.

I found the number for Reclude's old studio.

Oh, wow.

And then I called this morning to see if it was still in service.

And it's still, like, the number's still in service.

It's still the name of the studio.

And then it actually has an option if you want to talk to Reclude.

And I was like, hey, it must still be working there, right?

Because, I mean, they would surely, if he was gone from there, they would have changed the voicemail, right?

You think so?

I'm going to try to give him a call.

I don't know.

He used to work at night, so unless he's moved on up or something now.

I don't know.

Do you like?

No, I'm not, bro.

You liked Reckless, right?

You never got, you know.

Yeah, I remember.

Dude, I was like ringing back.

He's always been cool.

I remember.

I don't know if you remember, actually.

Did you help him out on the show?

Yeah, I remember the hand release.

You helped out with the hand release show?

Yeah, I was on the hand release show with him.

Now, listen to this.

Supposedly that's Reg Lute singing

Remember the last time we were talking

He said he was starting to sing

Doing vocals and all this music stuff

And supposedly that's in a band

That's recording of

It's on the website of the studio

The band that he works with

Let's see if we can get through

And then we'll keep calling Bristol

Recording studio

Schedule a tour

Book a recording session

Or for general information about the studio

Press 21

And leave a message for

Head Engineer at Blue Moon

If you would like to leave a message

Please.

I'll have to edit that out.

Milkman, mark it up.

This mailbox is full of funny messages.

I thought it was going to send us his voicemail.

It said it would, but it didn't.

All right, well, I'll have to call during the day.

I thought it would be nice to leave him a voicemail on the show, but no.

Well, continuing on with Prankston.

Sorry, tried to get Reckless back on.

It was a shot in the dark.

Nothing's guaranteed in this prank call world.

That's something I wanted to mention.

Milkman, you're going to get the new iPad.

iPad 3 comes out.

Looks like it's getting announced next week.

Would you get a tablet?

Milkman, would you be into that at all?

Probably not.

I think I lost Milkman.

I did.

I did lose the Milkman.

Oh, shit.

Hell of a night starting out here.

Again, be sure to send in those prank requests.

Please enjoy the following music while your party is being replayed.

Someone's asking.

I would replay that prank from last week, but it's way too long, man.

Hello?

Hey, man.

Sorry, I hit something there.

What's up, man?

Hey, man.

Hey, yeah, so, yeah, you missed a great prank call last week about bath salts, but I would

playing now? About who? Bath salts.

About bath salts. You know K2, the

smoking shit that already does the legal

weed, you know what I mean?

Oh, yeah, yeah, the chemical

high for homos, yeah. Yeah, well now

they got bath salts, which you

snort up your nose like it's cocaine or heroin.

Oh, okay. Kind of the same thing.

Well, they've had it for a few years now, but it's

starting to get big now, like the K2

is, and

well, yeah, I made a prank

call last week where I told someone

I kicked their car because of the bath salts that I was

Snorton, and

it was really funny. The guy said,

God damn, someone was asking

during the week, am I going to play it on this week's show?

It came out to like 14 minutes

plus, that

prank, so I'm not going to play it on the show,

because it'll just take up way too much time.

I'll play a clip of it. Yeah, you beat that one

down, dude. I'll play a clip of it for

Milkman here, because Milkman, you didn't hear it.

Yeah. So here,

let me skip forward and play some of it for you

here, and you'll see what we're talking about. And how did you fix it?

I have tools in my trunk

You want me to be here for a long time.

$30.

$30?

Go get yourself some help.

Do you go to church?

Yeah, I go to church.

Well, you think maybe you could introduce me to the pastor to get me some help?

I wouldn't even talk to him about it.

I need help.

I'm trying to help too much.

I ain't got time for you.

Please, I'll give you $30.

Well, you give me the $30 and I'll do that.

And then you buy me the bath salts and you bring them to me.

Oh, I ain't buying shit to bring to you.

You give me the $30.

I'll talk to him.

Did you check the car?

Are you sure you checked the car?

I checked the car

and ain't a goddamn thing wrong with it.

And like I told him,

you're doing nothing

but trying to scam him.

Well, you're...

Because you're a damn scammer.

It's probably because

you're so stupid and old and blind.

Oh, well, you're a sorry-ass work bump.

You're trying to scam somebody

and it ain't gonna work.

You're just an old man.

The car ain't fucking been wrecked.

You're an old man

who can't see right.

You kicked the fucking car.

Oh, God.

Dog.

You're getting...

Put up your ass.

You're getting between me and my drugs.

Fast forward here.

Go to church and get your ass some help.

What happened?

I blacked out for a while.

Yeah.

You need to go get some help.

It happens sometimes to go through these episodes.

I lose control.

That's why you're trying to act like you fucking tore somebody's car up in Texas.

You didn't tear up Chi yet.

You're just trying to scam him out of $30.

I don't have anything else.

I've thought of everything.

It ain't going to work here.

It might work from somebody else, buddy, but it ain't going to work here.

Do you have anybody I can call?

Anybody in your family?

No, I don't know nobody's going to help you.

You've got to help your goddamn sorry self.

Goddamn you.

Goddamn you right in the face.

Goddamn your sorry ass.

Goddamn you to hell.

Goddamn you, buddy.

You've got to help your own sorry fucking self.

Goddamn you and your coffin.

You're pitiful.

You're fucking pitiful.

You're a fucking junkie.

Listen, I was a high school quarterback.

All right, no offense.

That's goddamn you.

Remember that prank.

it's about 15 minutes of god damn you

with some white devil mix in there

oh my gosh that guy was just raw

a lot of people said he sounds like you

on the vocabulary I could see though man

well the joke was since you were gone last week he was your replacement

I thought that was kind of funny

a lot of people said that

you never say god damn

you don't curse a lot milkman I've noticed

you gotta be really angry to curse

like the other day when you were mad at your boss

oh fucking no I never fucking ever

fucking curse bro you know that

Yeah, Kokanee said he called you and you were mad at your boss.

You're like, God damn, motherfucking.

Kokanee caught me on a good night.

Yeah, that was pretty funny.

So, yeah, Milkman, you missed that.

Maybe we'll catch up with him again.

I don't know.

That was a ding prank call.

One of the notes, which you can follow over at phonelosers.org,

you dig my car section over there.

There's a whole compilation of the whole story of how Brad has started a push

for a few months now.

For people, leave a note with a callback number to a voicemail he's got.

Just basically leave a note on people's cars that says,

Sorry, I dinged your car.

My name is Rory.

Give me a call back.

It has a number on there.

Be sure to check that out, phonelosers.org.

Of course, we're on Cacti Radio, which is, you know, sister site of Phone Losers.

CactiRadio.com, phonelosers.org, and we're also on blueplanethosting.com.us.

What is it now?

God, Blue Planet Pranks, Blue Planet Prank Calls.

I don't know.

i'll let ted handle giving that out because i still can't fucking figure it out blue planet

prank call hosting what is it tell me tell me next plumber coming right up and then uh yeah

we'll see what happens a damn a bath salt milkman all week me and athena kept saying god damn

all week we said god damn this week god damn you toilet services we'll call the next one here

here again we are calling plumbing uh services 24-hour plumbing services in bristol england

um if you have your request a prank send them in now's a good time start sending them on in

madhouse live.com request a prank right there do it be sure to follow me on facebook and twitter

madhouse on twitter at madhouse however you call it also on facebook madhouse live and also madhouse

live pranks on facebook a lot of people uh hit up the facebook for the first time this week

That's pretty cool.

For each of the customer services, unfortunately, I'm not able to answer you.

Right now, if you're going to get...

Another one is not going down.

I'll get back to those shortly there, Red Sloth Man.

I'll put a star next to that there so I don't forget them.

Milkman, are you still with me?

You got quiet there, buddy.

You still there?

Yeah, brother.

Good, good, good.

I'm not used to you being so quiet.

I'm not used to there not being road noise and stuff, you know?

That's good.

Except for a train.

I'll start making some noise, man, that way.

It's all right.

We got Dick.

Shut up, damn it!

Well, we got here, what is this?

Dave the Rave, I think we tried to call him last week.

The note here says, we should get more lucky with him this week,

pranking him, asking him about bus sex.

Oh, yeah, the guy, he has this fetish for bus sex.

Now, I think what I interpreted it last week as having sex with an actual bus,

but I think it's having sex on the bus, like with a girl or a guy.

That's okay, either or.

I would never have sex on a bus.

Buses are dirty man

I'm not just saying it's gross

People touch everything there

And to answer a question

I'm drinking butt ice

Would you do a bunch of clowning in the bus though?

No hell no

In public?

You get AIDS?

That's how you get AIDS

You get AIDS in the air

It's in the public

You get to masturbate with a condom

If you're going to do it in public

It's your dick

I'll be right back

I'm going to jerk off.

Gotcha.

I planted the seed in Milkman's head.

I'm going to whoop off now.

I'm going to whoop off.

No answer there.

Moving right along, as Milkman would say.

See, Ted Webb is here.

I'm in the chat room.

That's good.

A lot of you in the chat room.

Yeah, the good thing about this Budweiser, I'm happy that I found it.

It's 5.5% alcohol by volume, which is better.

You get more alcohol out of it than you would just with regular Budweiser.

bud light more of a punch more of a real beer more of a man's beer you know i mean you gotta

be a man to drink bud ice i don't think there's you don't sacrifice any taste i still think it

tastes just the same as bud bud light they used to make a bit i mean it came out in the 90s maybe

92 around the time when bud ice came out i used to drink bud ice light i haven't found that i

talked to the guy at the beer place he's like no we haven't had bud ice light here in about

five years but we got butt ice i said well hook me up now the bottles are cool because the bottles

of butt ice they're really cool the bottles are like in the ice shape they're like little ice

cubes on the neck uh it's really cool looking um yeah i used to take when i go to parties i'd buy

i get a 12 pack of butt ice uh light or butt ice and you stand out because you're holding this

bottle looks like it's this nice sculpted bottle like wow let's set yourself out landlady of pub

Pub in UK, Bristol.

The name is St. Bonds.

I have no idea what that means.

We'll try to call it.

I don't know.

I'm not too confident about this one, whoever submitted this, but we'll try it.

I'm sure Lonesome Loser will be with us here shortly.

DC Lokes in the house.

I haven't seen DC Loke in a while.

Yes, hi.

How are you doing?

That's good.

Hey, this is Cross.

Is this the landlady of the pub?

Which pub?

Land Landy.

Which pub?

St. Bonds.

What?

Well, I had a question about the alcohol content.

All right.

is it 5.5 or higher for what for the beer yeah you got budweiser ice there no um would you allow

me to bring in my own alcohol what's the highest alcohol content you have there for stuff why is

it mine why are you well because i want to you know i like really high alcohol content in my

do me a favor do me a favor just answer me this question i'll leave you alone for the rest of the

night if not then you're going to regret it what's the highest like alcohol like the strongest beer

you got there what it's like the alcohol volume that's it just five i drink 5.5 all right so can

i add some octane to it would it be a big deal i don't know mate well i'm gonna bring it like a

keg of the special beer that i got great i don't want any trouble when i get there okay i want you

to take your pants off in front of me when i'm drinking the beer and tell me about how you're

like a little girl and tell me how you like to you know where i know where a towel like a little

girl he's gone that's stupid that was fucking stupid hello hello please please hello hi he just

picked up the phone left it off the hook i got a number here that says it's in bristol united

arab emirates right excuse me let's see which one it is uh richard a guy used to bully me and

stalk me and he needs a taste of his own medicine ask him about driving or anything okay uh and the

number doesn't work number does not work there donkey dick man can you resend that with the

a proper country code i would much appreciate it uh we've got an ice cream company in miami florida

azucar ice cream meaning sugar ice cream we got their website azucaricecream.com in miami florida

i'm guessing it's a cuban or hispanic related uh ice cream i'll tell you the best ice cream shop

that i've ever ever been to is in puerto rico there's chinese people that live in puerto rico

and they've got this ice cream it is the fucking best i've never been to an ice cream place

anywhere in the states that is any better in this place in my hometown or at least the hometown my

family's from in puerto rico that place is awesome everyone knows it as the the it for lack of a

better term the chink ice cream place in spanish is what they call it the we're going to the chink

ice cream place today you want to come that's basically what you would hear from time to time

There's also a very famous ice cream place in a city in Puerto Rico that has, like, thousands, no lie.

Well, up to, like, a thousand plus varieties of flavors of ice cream.

Potato ice cream, onion ice cream, garlic ice cream.

Very famous.

It's in the town of Lares, L-A-R-E-S, in Puerto Rico.

If you ever find yourself in Puerto Rico, if you're going on a cruise or something out of Puerto Rico,

I would recommend going a day early

And traveling to this town

And checking out their ice cream

Because it is fucking awesome

It's world famous

I've had their avocado ice cream

It is very good

The potato ice cream, believe it or not, is very good also

I've had that there

They've got every single fruit you can think of

They have the ice cream

But no lie, the avocado ice cream is so fucking awesome

And the potato ice cream actually does taste good

Yes, is this sugar ice cream?

Say it again?

Azúcar ice cream?

Yes sir

Hi.

Are these Puerto Ricans or what?

Are we Puerto Ricans?

Yeah, who made this ice cream?

Puerto Ricans or Cubans?

No, it's Cuban.

Cuban trademark.

Oh, that's a problem.

That's a problem?

Yeah.

What kind of flavors do you have that are tropical, like oriental?

Like what kind of programs?

What kind of tropical, like, you know...

Like flavors?

Like Spanish people.

They, yeah.

Tropical flavors, probably mango, probably...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I didn't eat all that.

Go ahead.

For tropical flavors.

Well, do you have papaya?

Papaya?

No, we do not.

I

don't know.

Nobody's ever recommended it, and we haven't made it yet.

I could write it on the wall.

I was reading the story about a Zuccar ice cream.

Uh-huh.

It said that it was Don Lopez, right, that came up with it, right?

Yeah, I'm listening.

Don Lopez got on an inner tube with four other Cubans that I'm reading this off the list.

Four other Cubans in 1996 fled the island of Cuba in a boat with a failing motor and four inner tubes attached to it as a backup.

They left on the morning of January 12, 1996, and the motor failed halfway through the Florida Straits.

Don Lopez fell off the boat and he was carrying the master recipes for azucar ice cream.

The three other people on the boat were attacked by a shark.

And then when the shark came to Don Lopez, he offered $5,000 United States dollars as the shark would let him go.

The shark let Don Lopez go.

Don Lopez made it to the island of Key West, and per the wet foot, dry foot policy, Don Lopez was able to stay in the United States.

In Key West, he later relocated to Port of Everglades and later into Miami, where he established Azucar Ice Cream Company.

Don Lopez?

Yes.

What website are you on?

Azucaricecream.com.

Don Lopez was later indicted for money laundering and check fraud,

charges of which he was cleared for by a grand jury, Florida Grand Jury, in 2002.

Yeah, I'm just an employee here, really. I haven't even seen...

Well, is Don Lopez there?

No, I believe not.

Well, how do you plead to these charges?

How do I plead to them?

Yeah.

I mean, if you can leave me a name and have the owner call you back, I'm just an employee.

Are you guilty or not guilty?

guilty of what of the money laundering and all that and the ice cream i mean i wasn't accused

of anything i'm telling you i can have my employer call you back about that i represent crackers the

shark yeah i represent crackers the shark and he's collecting five thousand united states dollars

on behalf of don lopez a promise that he made to him in the florida straits

yeah can you write down a note for me please yes yes i can hold on a second all right what was

was your name my name's alex alex okay alex you ready line one yeah cross called in regarding

the lawsuit on behalf of crackers the shark say that again cross called in cross like jesus the

cross uh-huh cross called in regarding the lawsuit from crackers the shark okay don lopez the owner

of the company owes five thousand dollars to crackers the shark now write this down please

This is serious.

Looks refuses to take responsibility for the situation.

Okay.

Per Florida Statues 4206912.

Can you read that back to me, please?

Yeah.

Cross called in regarding a lawsuit, and I stopped writing.

Why did you stop writing?

Because I think it was a joke, and my time was the time that I was supposed to be closing.

Now write down Crackers the Shark.

All right, Crackers the Shark.

Have a good day.

Write it down.

Oh, man.

Crackers the Shark.

I should have done Beans the Shark instead.

Maybe that would be more believable.

crackers the shark there's a shark in the caribbean and his name is crackers and you can

make a deal with him crackers the shark played jaws mikey129 says crackers the shark played jaws

in the jaws series but now he played jaws in that crappy 3d jaws movie oh boy gregory says this call

sounds very similar to another one you know they all sound similar i get that a lot i've had that

complaint before all you do is call donut shops yeah for a while that's all we did the last three

years all we do is wake up people in the uk the last hour of the show that's another thing we

always do you don't like it you don't like it huh blow it out your ass crackers the shark in the

chat room now hey crackers the shark crackers i'm trying man trying to get your money back i think

that's bullshit fucking don lopez i made a deal with you i just i just had an idea of the old

classic saturday night live bit where the shark is going around was it the land shark that's going

around knocking on doors what the fuck was that wasn't there some shark wasn't a chevy chasing a

shark outfit knocking on doors to talk to people and they would eat him oh god i know greg you

what i'm kidding i'm just messing around man i'm drinking no offense taken i know you were just

kidding man i'm being stupid don lopez in the house don lopez and crackers the shark maybe we'll uh

work this out now.

Candygram. There you go. That's right, Big Tug.

Candygram. Is this the shark?

No, ma'am. Candygram.

Alright, let's continue.

Thank you. Who sent that in?

Donkey Dick Man. That was pretty good.

We had fun with that.

The ice cream call. Appreciate it, buddy.

Let's see what else we got here. Dirty Aaron sent in

a few requests of pranks.

We got a Tesco here.

Excuse me. We got an African-American

female in West Virginia.

that's all I got

telemarketer call I received tonight for new TV service

iPhone for sale on Craigslist

a black AT&T

jailbroken iPhone 4S

used but in great condition

hey Milkman

so Milkman are you going to get the iPad 3

I think I'm going to get the iPad 3 Milkman

are you with me

I was going to put it on the train

oh fuck your train

oh okay

Richie IG

who got in trouble today in school

Apparently someone prank called a Skype while he was in school.

Milkman, shut up.

Shut up, Milkman.

I hung up on Milkman.

He's talking about corn.

Yeah, man, I eliminated corn.

Milkman still smokes cigarettes, so it doesn't matter, asshole.

All right, we'll call Classy Chillfag,

a guy who will go to jail and kill you when he gets out.

that song imagine my senior year of high school hello god damn it god damn it you fuck classy

chill fag hey hey classy chill fag classy chill fag what you know what do you say there i know

you're there hey nothing he doesn't answer he picks up the phone just sits there let me try

one more time big chelsea's here hey big chelsea chelsea b chelsea big hello stupid stupid he

He doesn't want to talk, Richie IG.

Whatever.

Sorry.

Can't help you.

I can't prank.

You know, if the guy doesn't answer, I can't prank him.

You know, I can't help you.

Moving right along.

More prank calls over here.

Enigma is flashing over here.

Let's see what Enigma has to say.

The full call.

Prankarchive.

There's a prankarchive.com?

There's a website called Prank.

That seems to me.

I didn't know that.

Someone's editing my pranks without my permission.

God damn it.

God damn.

Sorry if you do that.

I don't care.

That's pretty cool.

If you go to this site that Enigma sent me, there's a banner, a Madhouse Eye banner.

It's got a flashing live.

That's awesome.

I like that.

It just flashes.

Red and white.

Flash, flash, flash.

I like that.

That's pretty cool.

What is this?

Prankarchive.com.

That's pretty cool.

East Coast Bob.

Got some Phone Losers pranks up here.

I guess it's just a feed of a conglomeration of different prank calls.

That's kind of cool.

There's a KDK prank up there.

Oh, Mr. Burgess.

Those are old.

Mr. Burgess.

I heard those Mr. Burgess calls were all fake, I thought.

That's what I heard.

That's an Enigma site.

Cool.

Good deal.

Enigma.

Everyone go to prankarchive.com.

Add that to your bookmarks and your delicious and your dig.coms and all that stuff.

Your social media websites.

Nunu says, phone the bath salt guy with different voices and order Indian food.

Have different people or different voices call every 15 to 20 minutes.

Nunu commands me to do that

And give a shout out to UK Jill

UK Jill if you're around

Shout out to UK Jill

I understand UK Jill is sad

Very sad this week

UK Jill

What can I say I'm not allowed to say

I don't know what's going on with UK Jill

I just heard through the grapevine

That UK Jill was sad

UK Jill don't be sad

It's going to be alright UK Jill

Hopefully this makes you feel better here

Play UK Jill's favorite song

in honor of uk jill and the first of march right back to the next prank call of the night who are

we calling i don't know stay tuned and you'll find out indeed i listened to way too much bone

when i was a kid i think it fucked me up in the head i really wanted a ouija board and all that

shit what the fuck with a ouija board anyway what the hell i think i got one at one point i think me

and andy were trying to use a ouija board once no here's what happened i found they had these

little ouija board they were like miniature ouija boards that were in a keychain something

Something weird like that.

I said, Andy, yo, let's use this Ouija board.

He's like, all right.

And we just sat there with our fingers on the planchette.

That's what it's called, the thing you push around.

Nothing happened.

Well, it's pretty gay.

Then I lost it.

Ouija board.

Mr. Ouija.

We're boom.

We're calling a number here.

Who is this?

Figgis?

Please don't order and fuck around.

All right.

Thank you for calling Figgis Gifts and Good Taste,

the company that has delivered great gifts since 1944.

44 at figgy's your satisfaction is our number one priority please hold for just a moment we'll

take your call as soon as the next representative is available you can't take call in man if you

want to be on that's fine you can call in there's no stapling that's all you're calling figgy's

gifts and good taste offices are open seven days a week from 7 a.m to 10 p.m central time

so please call us again closed yeah uk 10 if you want to call in call in do call in sir

gonna have a celebration gonna get high my crime after crime all right tyrone this guy has huge

anger problems he's a friend of the chicago deal that we called a few weeks ago call him up and

talk shit about his mom all right we can do that bro excuse me this one's for triple g sent this

in ggg good good good uk ted what's up blood hey dude how's it going what's going on man first

First of the month, man, you get your check.

Hell yeah, I did.

First of the month.

First of the month, UK Ted.

Excited?

What does that mean?

It means you get your check, motherfucker.

My check?

What check?

You sending me checks?

In the United States, the African American, a.k.a. the blacks, that are on welfare.

You know what welfare is?

Where you get money from the government because you're poor?

Yeah, it's the whole.

That's it.

The check comes out on the first of the month every month.

so on the first of the month

they're all excited because they're like

I'm going to go get my check

I'm going to go cash it

and they got money for weed and beer

and whatever they're going to spend it on

so then

books

and I think in 1995 they made this song

called First of the Month

it was in honor of that day

they were celebrating the welfare check

isn't that beautiful

if you're going to write a song about something

might as well be about the welfare checks

yeah

yeah mikey129 says fried chicken liquor weed shoes hats prepaid phone cards that's about right

t-shirts the white t-shirts get those your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message

system first of the month anyway all right so yeah uh you can't tell what do you what do you

do you have any brands you like to wear any uh like adidas reebok anything like that what do

do you wear no i don't don't really care about brands um i'm running shoes so i'm i uh i don't

like nike running shoes they seem to fall apart faster than um adidas ones yeah i i'm an adidas

guy when it comes to shoes um i was a reebok guy in the 90s but reebok fell off um i was all all

for pre-buck um never liked nike never wanted to buy it never bought a pair of nike shoes in my

my life i got a i was given a gifted pair of stolen nike shoes the only pair of nike shoes

that i ever like were the charles barkley nike um fucking black tops they came out in 97 65 4

94 and 7 someone stole a pair of them in school in gym class and gave them to me just for the

hell of it i wore the hell out of them good shoes i never paid for them either they re-released them

20 years later

special edition

I should have bought them

but yeah I always found

Nike shoes like you said

they seem to be

cheaply made

and very thin

thin

I don't

I never

like they were really like

I don't know

I'll tell you what

I bought a pair of

Mizuno

a couple of weeks

ago

I did

I ran 10k today actually

and normally my knees hurt

if I run quite a lot

but today they were fine

there you go

so I'm happy with those

nice testimony

you should go on

amazon.com

and do a testimony

I want to mention

oh by the way

way i wanted to mention i've been wearing um i had a shoe emergency i was on vacation

and i was in sandals we took a ferry to some town across the way in new jersey about two years ago

and my sandals broke i was like ah shit i'm barefoot now what the hell am i gonna do

and we got to the destination and we're walking i'm walking around my sandals broken so i'm

hopping on one foot and i see a shoe store out of my side of my eye and i run in there

and they got these sandals that are shoes they're not shoes they're sandals they're called sanuks

s-a-n-u-k right best pair of shoe i ever wore it's like a sandal but it's it's but it's it's

it's like a canvas they've got different a whole bunch of different kinds um but they look like

shoes but they're actual sandal bottoms and stuff like that but they fit like a pair of shoes and

they're awesome i've had a pair for two years wear them every day nice and comfortable to slip

slip right on, easy to put on. Love those fucking shoes, man. And then recently I bought, they have

a version of the Sanuk called the boardroom, which looks just like a dress shoe. Almost the top

is a dress shoe. You can get them in black, brown, tan, white. But the bottom is the sandals,

essentially a sandal, but on the sandal platform, they, they make it look like a nice leather shoe.

So I'm walking around work all the time now in sandals and nobody knows I'm, I'm, you know,

I got compliments like, wow, those are nice shoes to wear.

I'm like, hey, thanks.

Little did I know, I got a pair of sandals on.

I love it, man.

Sanukes, I've never talked about in the show.

I highly recommend if you're looking for a shoe, try these Sanukes, man.

They're very eco-friendly also in all their products.

Sanuk, check it out.

How'd you spell that?

S-A-N-U-K, Sanuk.

And Mikey129 in the chatroom is putting a link to the boardroom.

is is that really the boardroom is that it i highly they have tons and tons the shoes i got

i got the border recently i got the kingston also uh yeah he put a link to the boardroom i got the

the brown one i think is the one i got i don't know um i got the kingston version also the first

one you can't buy the kingston one anymore they got a kingston two now uh the kingston is awesome

because it comes with a little pouch on the side you can hide your weed in no kidding i'm not

not kidding you it's it's got a built-in it's like a jamaican looking flag on it and it's got

like a little pouch to hide pot so awesome very versatile i've had i've had the first pair but i

got it like the summer of 2010 yeah so it's going to be two two years just about and they're running

just fine great pair of shoes have you ever seen uh vibram's five finger shoes i've seen them in

the stores um i've heard of them there's a the controversy is you know are they really better

better for you to run in because they say that uh the nigerians and stuff that do really awesome

in the running because they run barefoot when they train isn't that the whole thing to say

your body's designed to run in barefoot like that isn't that the whole case i mean do you run a lot

is that why you're i mean do you know yeah do you wear shoes like that do you wear the the one with

the toes and all that they look funny but i hear good that's it i mean i i if if i was absolutely

certain that they were completely beneficial i still wouldn't wear them because they look

look fucking retarded they do they do yeah my wife she's got a pair uh she's got these socks

that she absolutely loves she's been buying them lately they have toes five fingers five toes on

them they're called toe socks she loves them she says the most comfortable socks she can wear

excuse me they look really funny um but uh yeah i wouldn't wear toe socks but she swear any ladies

out there listening get the toe socks sounds good you can get them too if you want if you're into

to that let's do some prank calls what do you say let's stop talking about footwear i'm not sure if

we've got time for uh prank calls with so many shoes we haven't talked about we have to talk a

lot yeah you're right we got pumas pumas whatever happened to pumas they're still around i know they

are they're big in europe not over here they were bigger here in the 70s and 80s but massive in

china actually massive probably yeah puma is really popular in china like puma bags are like

massive uh really popular fashion accessory over there you know with this music playing it

It reminds me, I had a friend who really pissed me off when I was in high school.

He got, he got on his tooth, in one of his teeth, he went to the dentist and paid to get a Nike swoosh, the Nike swoosh symbol in gold, put on his tooth, on one of his teeth.

I was like, why would you do that?

He's like, oh, yo, it's cool.

I'm like, wait a minute.

What kind of dentist would do that, though?

I don't know.

No, I haven't seen anything like that since, but he went to a dentist, and they chiseled his tooth, and it was a Nike swoosh.

Part of being a real dentist.

Yeah, I don't know.

Like, they've got cosmetic dentists and stuff, but I was like, dude, why would you, like, why?

Like, you're putting a company symbol.

Are you getting paid for this?

Like, are you fucking a basketball player that's getting paid for this shit?

Like, I could see if Nike was paying me to get a tattoo of a Nike swoosh on my leg or my arm, then, yeah, I'd do it.

but i'm not gonna well i'm gonna put a brand fucking symbol on my tooth why i told him watch

nike get really unpopular and you're gonna be stuck with that for the rest he ended up like

taking it out it was hitting a nerve and he had to go back to the doctor to the dentist and they

had to fill it in and all this stuff he went through all that trouble and money and pain

for nothing i was like you're a fucking dumbass man for a nike swoosh in one of his buck teeth

at his big buck teeth yeah fucking nike swoosh you're a dumbass kid really pissed me off that

That was during the summer once.

I was like, you don't have anything else to wish your money on?

We had both gotten a job together.

He's like, that's the first thing he did.

Got his first check.

He woke up on the first of the month, first check.

The ridiculous thing is, it's not even official Nike merchandise.

It's not.

And that's the whole thing.

Then I was sort of like, how are you getting away with it?

Like, wouldn't you think, like, they'd be like, wait a minute.

You can't, you know what I mean?

Like, it's a copyright thing, right?

But will Nike really matter?

Like, well, it's free advertisement, but I've seen weirder shit happen.

All right.

right look uh before we uh piss everybody off the guy that used to stalk um what's his face who was

it a synthesis donkey dick man the first number the first time around it didn't work we'll try

the second time around here keep sending in your request of pranks lonesome loser isn't here yet

but he'll be here soon um and we'll move on with that but your request of pranks are always open

even if you send them during the week i've got some i got two or three that came in during a

week i'm gonna get to those next you can send them all week if you want i mark them they don't

Don't go anywhere.

Trust me.

Dark Stranger is a girl.

Oh, my God, Chad.

That's awesome.

We do sound like a bunch of girls.

We're going to go purse shopping next, me and Ted.

UK Ted.

Hope you're ready, UK Ted.

It's a call right now, but leave me just a time.

I'll get by in a second.

Some stupid chicken.

Chicken guy.

What's been going on with UK Ted?

You doing any school stuff?

Anything going on?

I don't know.

Did you graduate yet?

You had a thesis about feces?

Yeah.

You done?

Is it over?

I've got to do it again.

All right.

Let me get Milkman back on here.

Let's see if he's done.

He was over there talking.

Talking a fool.

Be nice to Milkman, all right?

He complained and said you were rude to him the other day.

Please enjoy the following music while your party is being reached.

Best sending in a number for a temple Indian restaurant in Saipan.

A confused sounding gentleman answered there.

And a gynecologist in Melbourne, Australia.

Hey, man, are you done yet?

You were talking, so I hung up on you.

I'm done.

Oh, okay.

No, you were talking a lot, so I had to hang up on you.

Hi, Milkman.

UK Ted's here.

Say hi to him.

What's up, man?

Hey, Milkman.

We all heard about your new diet.

My what?

Your new diet.

Oh, my new diet?

You were talking about your diet.

You don't have any refined corn?

What's up with that?

No corn?

No sugar?

No.

No, I switched to biodiesel in the Rascal Scooter, man.

That was a big improvement.

Milkman, we're trying to be serious.

We're trying to save lives here.

You stopped eating corn and rice and shit?

What happened?

Oh, corn's good, man.

Okay.

Rice is good.

They're all good things here.

What are you talking about?

All right.

right you can never get a serious straight answer at a milkman sometimes whatever bye thanks all

right moving right along we got another prank call to do here let's not waste the time on milkman

uh we got uh screwball man the shark sent in a number for a taxi company funny says taxi company

funny yellow snow okay i don't know if this is serious or not but we'll do it i've been on a

diet this week but i think as soon as athena falls asleep i'm gonna make a cheese sandwich

this is the cabs hello this is taxi taxis yes hi i had a idea about your taxi when the man comes

to pick me up do i sit in the front or the back seat sir the i have to sit in the back seat i'm

not allowed to sit in the front seat right for safety what stupid hello hello yes when i the

taxi comes to pick me up are you a taxi or no yeah when the taxi comes to pick me up do i sit

it in the front seat can i sit in the front seat well i command you to talk no no answer

no taxi one more time we'll turn one more time why don't you milkman treated people like this

taxi um yes i need to pick up um what's the street there 229 rockefeller avenue and bath

hello damn

it fuck it what's wrong with

those people there's some secret society secret club we got to be in to get a taxi in that place

or something you guys talk just right what's going on pissing me off that was weird guys

obviously got real problems mental retardation lonesome losers here all right lonesome lonesome

made it milkman your favorite listener guy he's a listen yeah nothing hit man in the house

Welcome to Orange Answer Phone.

I'm sorry, but the person you've called is not...

That's his cell phone.

Yeah, I know.

That's the cell phone.

It came out to 25 cents a minute.

Yeah, anyway.

Oh, yeah, I wanted to mention,

starting a new donation drive here

because the funds are starting to get a little low

and the Skype payment's going to be due pretty soon.

Got a new setup if you want to go to...

If you can, again, we don't push this all year,

but when the funds get low, just to keep things running.

The last drive, when was that, Ted?

Ted, UK Ted, you donated back then.

What was that, November, you think?

That was ages ago.

Ages ago.

Well, a few people, a handful of people that donated ages ago, like UK Ted says,

have helped run the show all this time.

And we're coming up, unfortunately, to our next Fund Drive need.

If you would like to help out Madhouse Radio

And help pay for the prank calls

That we do here on a monthly basis

On a weekly basis

MadhouseLive.com

Slash donate

MadhouseLive.com slash donate

Also keep in mind whenever you do a request a prank

You get a little donate button there now

Also if you want to help out

Again no obligation to you

You're more than welcome to sit here and listen to pranks

And not pay anything and be a jerk

That's fine you can be a leech

A motherfucker a son of a bitch

But remember, we dropped the dime.

We asked if you'd give the time.

So a couple of dimes actually wouldn't hurt.

There you go.

MadhouseLive.com slash donate.

Even a dollar helps out, man.

That's all I'm asking for, if you can help out.

I'll never talk about it again.

I just throw it out there maybe every three or four months.

If you get a chance, donate a dollar or two.

I think nine bucks keeps the show running for like a month,

as far as prank calls are concerned.

and i pay for the hosting myself i'll take care of that but uh skype minutes and credit and google

voice credit and all that um that helps out goes a long way so thank you in advance and anybody who

donates will get props i need to make a system i've talked about this before but if when and

when anybody donates i'd like to eventually be you know at least put you up there you know give

your props in the forums on the front page of the website be like hey this person he's a madhouse

V.I.P. maybe give them ops

a few weeks you know

or give them a higher status in the forums

and while I'm at it be sure to visit the

forums the forums are kind of dying out again

I'll close them up you force my hand

I'll close UK Ted you were always involved

in the forums and you stopped going what happened

well I posted in the forums today

you did you did

I didn't see today's post that's weird

okay well never mind

well at the moment it's just me and RVCP

swapping 50s

words okay

Okay, yeah, swell, great, cool, I saw that.

Everyone, post in the forums when you get a chance.

Let's try to get that going.

Let's try to get a community going when the show isn't on.

Would be nice.

All right, hope you guys don't mind the music.

If it bothers you, let me know.

I'll take it off.

Gotta get that paper, paper, paper, paper.

This is the number for the stalker.

Well, we already tried calling it, didn't we, DonkeyDickMan?

I'll try it one more time.

All right, buddy, I'll get back as soon as I can.

That's the second time we're trying to call.

Hey, buddy, how you doing there?

hang up on the wrong guy hung up on milkman instead whoops um the second time we tried to

call him my bad that didn't work please enjoy the following music while your party is being reached

hey milkman hey sorry hung up on you an accident okay hold on hold on baby all right all right so

uh we got some more requested pranks here dirty aaron sent in the african-american telemarketer

let's try to give that a call here then we got lonesome loser numbers yeah here let's see

lonesome has sent in numbers also let's take a look at those see what lonesome is sending in

here first lonesome sending in numbers for suzanne arsenal and the east side hotel and cabins

sounds good okay uk ted you want to call a person in the united states i don't know if you want to

do a prank or you're busy let me know uh i am at work but i can give it a try i'm just um like i

said i'm just afraid that as soon as i start talking to someone some fucking spaniard comes

comes to the desk spanger um wankers corner saloon and cafe wow there you go uk ted you should call

there and ask you that's funny like wankers corner saloon and cafe in the united states

you get rich to do it say who who should do it richie richie richie wants to call in all right

is that what you said i guess anybody wants to call in i think ken was trying to call in and i

I missed it. Call in. Mikey wants to

do I have any, you know, I don't have any KMFDM.

Man, I haven't heard about KMFDM since I

was in high school. Do they do anything anymore?

I don't know. What's KMFDM?

It's, it's, uh,

there's a white people band

from back in the day. I haven't heard them in

a while. Oh my god.

Yeah, I knew someone had a KMFDM shirt.

But yeah, there you go. What does that stand for?

Uh, kill motherfucking

something something. I don't know. It's a good question.

I never quite knew what it was.

So I couldn't tell you. Uh, Richie

wants to call in i thought he couldn't call in but yeah call in i can for like 10 minutes i have

a really funny story about what happened yeah richie if you can still call in go ahead and

call in i'll put you on i'd like to hear your story about how you got prank called to school

today and got in trouble it's gonna get grounded hobzoid says kill m kill mf depeche mode look at

that no kidding wow so they don't like depeche mode so they came out with kmfdm that's something

how can you hate depeche mode yeah i don't know i guess they do uh we got a pledge off someone

is pledging 100 when they get a new job all right milkman you heard that put it on the big board

milkman 100 pledge there's a classic episode of the simpsons where homer homer's watching some

kind of british sitcom called do shut up and they break in for the pledge drive on the pbs

yes and he gets upset so he calls in he offers to donate like twelve thousand dollars and then

they go after him because he ended up as a missionary in the end he ended up as a missionary

that's right that's i love that episode that's awesome that's where he talks he's like save me

jebus jebus are you there oh boy okay well here we go lonesome loser oh here's richie answer richie

Big Richie's here.

We'll get Tabachi on the line here also.

All right, Richie, so what happened to you today?

What happened?

Hey, Carlito.

Okay.

Well, what's it called?

So I was at school today, right?

I'm in a Spanish class.

I was signed in on Skype on my Android phone.

And then I get a message from Tricol.

He's like, he sent me a link to some video or something.

I'm like, sorry.

I was like, sorry, I'm in class right now.

Right?

Right.

And then, so he's like, okay.

And then I just put the phone back in my school bag.

10 minutes later i get a call from the dean's office in my spanish class and i have to go

down to the guidance office and there's every faculty member of the school there like staring

at me i walk in and then there's like sorry richie ken shut up yeah ken come on so i walk

in right and the principal's like sitting right he i'm like the principal's like have a seat

so i sit down there and every important person in the school is like right there i was like who's

kevin mitnick i'm like what who's kevin mitnick like um some internet guy like why he's like i

was like kept grilling me about who kevin mitnick was and stuff i feel like he called here and

asking to take you home like what he did like i was like i'm pretty sure he's in california right

now and then just like like i think this is a triquel you don't like a triquel yeah yeah i know

talked about last week yeah yeah i was like i'm pretty sure it's him and then right and then so

he calls so it's like he gave this number to call back so they call back the number and it's a prank

person somebody that they prank call classy stephanie i'm like jesus christ i couldn't stop

laughing and that this lady yells at me like it's not funny like why it's like you don't know it's

like i was like okay and then they they're like this could be an attempted kidnapping and they

were gonna call the police and then i was like okay it's just my friend i think i'm pretty sure

with my friend i was like so then the i was in like guidance office with like the guidance

counselors like an old hipster lady not an old hipster lady old she she's nice but anyway i was

there and i and like grilling me about whatever and like yo seriously like it's it's my friend

and so they made my mom come to school they made me stay half an hour later from school

half an hour late at school they made me stay there and then my mom had to come get me because

Because they were afraid for my life that I was going to get kidnapped.

Like, this could be an attempt at kidnapping.

They were about to call the police.

It was like, what the hell?

What an open reaction.

And then Tricol said all he said.

He just asked for, to leave a message saying that he probably wouldn't be able to make it there.

And if he did, he'd be half an hour late.

That's, so they waited a half hour.

What the fuck?

Seriously, so are you pissed off?

Like, are your parents pissed off about it?

Do they know?

My mom had to come home from work.

But not really.

It's just a joke and they understand

the school has to be overprotective and crap.

Are your parents no more PLA for you

or something like that?

I mean, what's going on?

Nah, it's just like,

just make sure it doesn't happen again.

If it does, then I'll get in trouble.

Getting grounded from the internet?

I don't think that's possible.

At school, it was ridiculous.

I was freaking scared.

It's like, Kevin Mitnick is coming.

What?

Kevin Mitnick.

I don't even know who Kevin Mitnick is.

He's like a hacker guy that got five years in jail.

he was on the run for like two years yeah i know yeah that's why i left i don't know him personally

it's like why is he cold here i'm like no he didn't that is funny kevin mitnick has like a

movie after like made about him he made the tv movie and all this shit that's funny oh man so

you're not pissed off you don't sound sore you're not upset he really didn't do anything it was it

was the stupid people at my school's uh interpretation of it yeah but he called your he called your

school man that's like crossing a line there you know that's that's like uh what's this that's like

uk ted posting my uh mugshot on in the chat room i got really pissed off at him uk ted shame on

you for that too by the way that's not nice oh yep no but not really because i i i think his

objective is for just to get me taken out of class for a while he's trying to help you out

then okay yeah i i missed like two periods which is pretty cool that's cool it's not like you

You actually need to learn Spanish, isn't it?

I took three years of Spanish, and I failed them, so I had to take it over again.

But I understand it's super easy.

You know, I took Spanish classes, and I didn't need them.

I took them.

It was a requirement to take foreign language, either French or Spanish.

I took Spanish.

I lied and said I didn't know Spanish, and I took it.

And you know what the sad thing is?

I speak Spanish fluently, and I still pass with a B because I slack so much in that class.

I was like, I'm not doing this shit.

Yeah, that's what happened last year.

like i knew i knew like spanish fine i knew what i knew it was like spanish one last year i knew it

i just didn't feel like doing any of the work i was like okay why why would i do this if i don't

care yeah and the teacher the teacher was like some lady that took one of the people that took

her job way too seriously it was like it's like mexican americans take spanish and get a b

i'm not mexican yeah it was sad my one mom my mom asked that she's like you're puerto rican

you've spoken spanish before you spoke english and you got a b in spanish i'm like yeah

So what are you doing in class?

You don't know.

I'm high just about every morning.

It was the first class of the day, so I used to come in high off my ass.

I'd listen to Howard Stern on my walk band.

I'd listen to a lot of Bone.

They were in that class and shit.

Yeah, that was me.

I had fun, man, fun.

I miss high school.

Man, you're Richie.

I know you probably hear old people say this to you all the time, man.

You're living it right now, man.

You got any college plans?

Are you a freshman?

What are you exactly right now?

Yeah, I'm a freshman.

Oh, you're not worried about it then.

You're not even thinking about college yet.

I wouldn't think about it.

Nope.

You're just thinking about a driver's license right now.

Good for you.

You're going to get a Toyota Celica?

I'm going to kick a dude's ass.

You're going to get a Toyota Celica?

That means you're going to drive a piece of shit.

I'm going to kick a guy's ass because I'm angry.

You're going to get a piece of shit.

All right.

We'll do more prank calls then before people get mad.

Suzanne Arsenault.

Arsenault.

Ars.

A-R-S-E.

That's U-K for ass.

A very angry bitch in New Haven, Connecticut.

Let's give her a call.

Christopher Curtis wants to be on.

We got a lot of people in the conference.

All right, guys.

I'm going to say this once.

Not a lot of noise in the background.

Not a lot of interrupting in the calls, please.

And if the packets start dropping, we're going to have to drop one of you or two.

Just be prepared.

Mute, damn it.

Right.

And I'm just saying, like, after a while, the call starts getting bogged down by too many people on.

So you got to remember, Spock and Star Trek 2, Wrath of Khan, remember what he said, what he taught all of us.

So sometimes the need of the many outweighs the need of the few.

I don't have to hang up on you.

I don't have to kill you.

It's okay.

I don't even know what I'm talking about.

Ah, my ass is sore.

Let's go.

Suzanne Arsenault.

Let me give her a call.

You guys can pick up my next call.

Call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Suzanne Arsenault is not available.

At the tone, please.

That's funny how she is.

I put a number in Skype chat.

You might want to give it a try there, Carlito.

Let's see.

can i try to call the uh yeah that reminds me i tried to call the number you recommended earlier

it didn't work out what was it uh cool guy cool chill fag didn't work out all right guy on craigslist

person i was looking for a woman into backdoor games i think you should call and accuse him of

being gay good deal all right let's do it i like that idea cool obviously right if he's on there

and the first thing he's looking for is that where i come from that means you're a gay i'm gonna tell

Tell them you get AIDS that way, too.

Shit.

Okay, do me a favor.

Can you post just a number in the chat right now?

Yep.

Thanks.

While he's doing that, I'll remind you all to subscribe to the podcast when you get a chance.

If you probably are already, but if you do get a chance, go ahead and do that.

MadhouseLive.com prank cast.

Here we go.

Okay.

Backdoor Games on Craigslist.

Let's do it.

A message on MySpace.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Three, two, three.

No answer there.

I'll try it later.

Remind me before the show's over.

I'll give it another try.

I always try twice for you guys.

MySpace.

Someone sent a message on MySpace.

For God's sake.

What is wrong with that person?

What the hell is this MySpace you speak of?

I don't know.

God, yeah, you know, right?

It's like me and my Hotmail account.

It's like me and my Google Plus.

Goddamn Hotmail.

Like me and my Google Plus account.

Yeah, goddamn Hotmail.

I was laughing after the fact that the GeoCities website address.

God, that was good.

That's true, though.

It's September 10th.

That's what it is.

GeoCities.

God, alright

Too bad Milkman wasn't around last week

For Charlie's acceptance speech

Yeah, that's right, Milkman

I think he's still with a customer

But Milkman missed Charlie

Charlie was in a good mood

Pretty enthusiastic about his victory

I missed it, shit

He did his curse louder than he ever has

Oh yeah, he said

Fuck you, as loud as he could

Yeah, I was like, holy

He doesn't miss you

He knows it's us calling, he just wants to laugh and be friendly now

i don't know he's like a celebrity okay east side motel and cabins here we go let's do it anybody

want to do a prank to an east side motel and cabins you can call it now nope okay i'll do it

oh um what's that sloth the sloth guy what's his name red sloth man yeah he just donated seven

dollars there you go he did he all right good yeah i haven't gotten the email yet but very good

all right well let's put on the big thank you sir thank you red sloth man i'll do a better job of

doing your prank call thank you sir much i put in 10 tonight there we go hey 10 you did too

said he put in five yeah i have no idea what our total is but i'm playing the total music so thank

you everyone who does that dirty aaron was that dirty aaron who said dirty was that you big dirty

yeah dirty $10 dirty $10 from dirty what's up what's up ted uk do you have a target that you

want to reach no no just you know whatever a few bucks in there it keeps you running for a few

few months that's it you guys don't even have to donate after tonight even with that with the

amount that's already been donated if these numbers are correct we're good for a few weeks

for a few months yeah who knows what the total is maths for rich people yeah i just i just keep

paying until the credit card gets declined baby that's all i do then i know something's wrong

all right east side motel and casino at caverns caverns not casino oh dude i want to go to casino

seen it this weekend but anyway that's beside the point east side motel and cabins east side

motel and cabins come on go on fucker dirty aaron's stepping away he'll be back his number

is not ringing i will hang it up and try it again still got the wankers corner side motel

yes hi east side motel that's good hey do your bathrooms come nice and clean yeah that's good

i like to talk about the bathroom the toilets is there a limit on the flushing on them would

They'll go, come on, man.

I'm not feeling, you know, I'm blowing ideas tonight.

I don't know.

Like, I'm doing okay.

Just the ideas are weird on my end.

Carlito, what we need to do is call some of our favorite, like, old numbers

and tell them we're on a donation drive and ask them if they want to donate

so we can keep calling them.

We should just call the U.K. and ask for donations.

And to keep calling them, yeah.

Tide Motel?

Yeah, I think the line got disconnected.

I'm sorry, was it because of my delivery?

No, it was because, you know, you're asking ridiculous questions.

No, I mean, you have clean bathrooms in all the rooms.

That's all I asked.

That's all I was wondering about.

Yeah, the clean bathrooms is fine, but, you know, who has limits on flushing?

Well, I was in a hotel yesterday where they had a limit.

I'm on the road right now.

I was in a hotel in North Carolina, and it had a limit on how many times to get flushed.

They came to my room and said to stop flushing the toilet because it was flushing it too much.

It would mess up the system.

They came to your room and told you to stop flushing the toilet?

Yeah, it was flushing it too much.

They said it was messing up the system.

They had a computerized toilet, like the plumbing system.

They said I was causing a problem.

And the person in the room next to me was complaining I was flushing it too much.

You know, if you're going to use one of our rooms, you would flush the toilet when it needs to be flushed.

Well, like every ten minutes is fair enough, I think.

Why would you flush the toilet every ten minutes?

To make sure it's working, washing my hands, keep it clean, keep snakes...

Washing your hands?

Yes.

Drinking water?

Drinking water, keeping snakes from coming through the toilet.

hole i like that keeping snakes out i kid you not to this day i always look at the toilet first

because i'm afraid of snakes gonna come bite me in the asshole have you been to australia

east side motel seriously ever since i was a kid i'm afraid you're gonna keep calling here

listen i'm just trying to explain what's going on ever since a joker or i you know i'm a busy

person when i was idiot god damn it listen when i was a kid a garden snake came through the toilet

I don't care.

I really don't care.

Well, that's why I'm afraid of snakes.

And a garden snake could come through the toilet and bite you.

Well, then I suggest you find a different place to stay than Moe Bridge.

There's no snake this time of the year anywhere in Moe Bridge.

Well, they're hiding in the plumbing system.

That's why.

There's no snakes around here in the wintertime.

The water is warm.

They hide in the...

It's all long gone.

Is it cold or hot water in the toilet?

Where the hell do you go where there's hot water in the toilet?

Japan.

Well, then go to Japan tonight.

night please no i can't were you gonna pay for my ticket what are you that's nasty

there's no snakes in the wintertime they're cold-blooded animals buddy yeah they're snakes

all right they're hiding where it's nice and warm in the toilet in the japanese toilets

japanese toilets it's all fun and games until a snake comes up through the toilet and bites

your balls bites any asshole while you're taking the shit it's not the state snakes that have a

problem it's the spiders that hide under the toilet seat when i was a kid i was convinced

Convinced.

Remind you, I lived in Florida.

I was convinced a snake would come through the toilet hole

and bite me when I was taking a shit.

So I would always poop as fast as I could.

Hey, Carlito, can I call that place back?

Yep.

Yes, you can.

Two of our donation drive.

Or two of our...

Yeah.

I'm going to do a show one day where it's like a PBS drive.

I'll give that a tote bag.

Okay, I got a house radio bottle.

Water bottle.

Yeah.

Tote, the DVD set.

Hello, sir?

sir? Yes, hello.

Ted.

Ted Webb's here. How you doing, Ted Webb?

Hi, this is Ted from

Blue Planet Prank Radio

website, internet page

dot com. Everyone be sure to donate

to Blue Planet Prank Radio prank call

website dot com. Ted, I voted for you.

I voted for Ted, too.

Oh, yeah, there's a poll. Ted.

Yeah, Richie.

Let Richie do this.

Hello? He's not talking.

He's not talking, he's not talking.

I don't know if you remember, Ted Webb, but last week

Zyklon said, when's the poll

going to change? And I said, I can't come up with

a poll. And Richie said

we should put up a vote.

Who's better? Who do you like the most? Ted Webb or

UK Ted? So I made it the poll.

Who's winning on that?

MadHouseLive.com

UK Ted is.

I voted for Ted Webb.

I think it's about

a three vote spread. I think UK Ted

is in the lead right now.

It's a tight race, man.

Ted Webb, madhouselive.com forward slash poll.

Our monthly Madhouse poll, which usually ends up being a two-month-long poll.

No, you see, Ted is in the lead by a whopping...

I think it's two votes, is it?

9%.

Is it?

Yeah, because it's like 10 votes total or something.

That's like 40 votes.

No, he's got four more votes than I do.

Let's see.

Look at that.

Yeah, look at that.

Yeah, 42% UK Ted.

and yeah what is i can't see 33 ted webb ted you know you got you got three more weeks man

you better pull it up well you got like i gotta bring my a game and neither support behind ted

webb you know neither is nipping at the heels a lot of people do not like uk ted or ted webb

so think about it what can you guys do what can you guys do to improve my public image

All right, awesome.

I like this poll.

This is fun.

All right, moving right along.

We've got Wanker's Corner Saloon and Cafe.

Anybody want that?

Call it now.

I'll do it.

Wanker's, there you go.

Wanker's.

Oh, if I hit add to conference, it might help.

There we go.

Push the button.

Hi, this is Jen.

How may I help you?

I had a couple questions about the place on there.

Okay.

Okay, first one is my buddy Jimmy.

Oh, my.

He was on there the other night.

I can't hear you at all.

There's really not any way that you can call.

We got too many people on the conference.

Carlito, there's a hell of an echo coming through on Skype.

There's a hell of a, there's tons of echo.

All right, let's, I'll kill the conference, and we will all regroup.

Everyone call back in.

We might have to drop it.

No, wait, it just fixed it, so.

Did it?

Oh, yeah, it works now.

No, there's echo.

It opens and regroups anyway.

What about now?

Somebody walked away, and now it's echoing.

No, it works now.

It works.

I hear it.

You know what it was?

I was surfing to a website, and I think it was causing some issues with Skype.

Let me log into this website real quick

And then we'll continue

It always helps me to refresh the Skype

Every time that I do it

It does, it does, but it's still too early for that

I don't know why I would be doing that already

I'm curious, I'm going to PayPal to see

What we're at right now

Carlito, would it be offensive to you if I like

Emptied out like $3 of old gift cards

Emptied out $3 of old gift cards

Yeah, onto your site

You got gift cards?

You can do gift cards on there now?

Yeah, if they're Visa

It's Richie, Richie's the one that's

fucking up the sky why would it have been me it wouldn't yeah oh wow dude wow we got a lot of

donations we got like 60 bucks worth of uk uh of donations thanks everybody um i don't want to give

out all it took was that button i know but i don't want to give out full names i know aaron you vote

you did uh msc3 clay donation um everyone else that we mentioned before some other ones i don't

want to give out like people's real first and last names uh but you know who you are we got a

A $5 donation, $25 donation.

Big baller.

Wow.

Big baller, man.

Shot caller.

20-inch blades on the impulse.

If people are feeling generous, I've got rent to pay.

You know, they're saying.

Shot caller.

20-inch blades.

Only in power.

Power.

Don't get laid tonight.

Yeah, I got rent to pay, too.

I was out of work for two weeks this month.

There you go.

I'll be honest.

I've been using Fiverr.

You know, this will help out with Fiverr.com also.

I've been doing some stuff on Fiverr.

um some seo stuff trying to get some uh backlinks do you guys know what i mean uh here's i i paid

five bucks to get some backlinks made up on the web um because i figured that i'll get our google

because we're like on the madhouse live is like on the eighth page ninth page you put in prank

calls on google we're like the eighth or ninth page it's fucking ridiculous man i was like you

search for prank radio though both me you and katie k all show up on the first page yeah well

Prank calls is where it's at

Prank calls is our target

Stupid schlubs looking for prank calls

Are going to say oh I want to listen to a prank radio station

Yeah I think Onish pranks

Who's Onish pranks where'd that come from

It's a guy who does like a

Vietnamese voice

He mostly has his stuff on YouTube

How is a guy in a Vietnamese voice above Carlito

I don't know

He is pretty funny

He's really popular on YouTube

Like you have to get

get popular on youtube and twitter in order to get popular anymore yeah well how do you get how

am i going to get popular on youtube i i do the youtube thing those awesome videos yeah my videos

aren't any good i don't know i gotta get better with the videos and stuff i don't know i'm not

good with video stuff i don't know how to transcode video and stuff i'm pretty good with video stuff

i don't know how to make like slideshows like i want to make slideshow i just don't know i'm

retarded when it comes to stuff like video i can't and i don't know how to upload it over

youtube like i just i do it but i use a program and it leaves a watermark on there and no one

goes to the youtube channel it's like i get like 20 views per video i'm like so depressed so so

depressed i got uh 3 000 views for my last video this is what i'm talking about what am i doing

wrong what am i missing here but here's my my fear like i paid five bucks for somebody to go

out and they they put like i think 500 backlinks uh to madhouse live.com but then i'm thinking

and is google going to see that as gaming the system and will they they could because they

could blacklist the site from google altogether that would be bad i don't want that at all are

you running the google analytics through the gmail yeah i mean i see the hits i get in analytics i

mean to be honest not a lot of people come to the website i don't know what am i what am i how do

you see that like i can't see how many people visit my website analytics gmail and then uh

all that through analytics.

It's free.

You've got to put a little code

on your website, too.

Google starts crawling and it'll tell you

how many people are visiting your site.

Sometimes your web host will

give you the statistics.

They'll have an analytics engine.

If you have GoDaddy,

you've got to activate it, but they'll do it for free.

Really?

Yeah.

It's right there. You have to turn it on

and it'll start clocking your analytics

stats or whatever i think it's called stats something like that yeah my web guy says that

godaddy charges you for every goddamn thing though not for that oh yeah if you don't want to be

listed in their directory you have to pay 10 bucks yeah if you want it to forward email it

costs money if you want it to all that shit i found a way around that but you know i just my

email i host it through gmail anyway through google apps so i don't have that problem it's

all free it's all good you anybody if anybody out there wants a madhouse that's another thing

I was like, if you make a donation to Madhouse, if you want, if you made a donation to Madhouse, by all means, send me an email.

Let me know that you donated to Madhouse, and I'll set you up with a MadhouseLive.com email address.

Seriously? You could do that?

Yeah.

DirtyAaron at Madhouse.com?

Yeah, you could be DirtyAaron at MadhouseLive.com.

Dirty Sanchez.

Yeah, Dirty Sanchez, even.

Yeah?

Can I get Stuart at MadhouseLive.com?

Who?

Can I get Nunu?

I want Nunu.

Nunu has his. He never uses it.

I'll give it to you. I'll take it away from him.

You got it.

He's a milkman.

He uses his.

Koken, he's the only other one.

Except for me, Koken, he regularly checks his madhouselive.com email address.

He's the only one that I know.

Only person that takes advantage of it.

But it's totally available.

If any of you, for some reason,

you don't have to, but if you've made a donation

and you'd like a madhouselive.com email address,

address let me know we'll gladly provide you with a account password gmail hosted yeah it's actually

i think you go to mail.madhouselive.com to log in to check it even i have it all set up with

air records and everything it's good to go hey carlito did you see the link i sent you in yahoo

about uh uh phone losers new fiber ed fiber no there's a new oh which one what which one is it

marty mcflash yeah i saw on facebook and i saw your link yeah i had already heard it though

It's pretty funny with

Marty McFly at the end

and he's saying and Doc Brown shows up at the end.

It's pretty good. Good stuff. Then I saw

another one. Someone got a video

like the Warner Brothers thing

for PLA. It comes up.

It looks just like when you watch a Warner Brothers movie

at the beginning where it shows the studio

and it pulls back out

and it has the Warner Brothers logo.

I know you guys know what I'm talking about.

Someone got that on Fiverr for PLA.

It looks pretty cool.

Whatever.

whatever so the one that nobody mentioned was the boobies one i didn't hear anybody mention that one

on there that was good i did i'm convinced that's no offense but i think that's a um that's a man

dude that's i think oh because of the man hands right in the forum yeah the hands looks totally

i mean nice boobs i'm not hating that's the best of both worlds as far as i'm saying because you

get a good jerk off too man exactly only a man can jerk you off like a man oh come on you know

I don't know what you're talking about.

I've never been jerked off by a man.

You jerked yourself off?

That's a man.

You're a man, aren't you?

That's different, though.

He's a Catholic, sir.

He doesn't do that.

Yeah.

No, you can do it on Sunday.

I'm a blind Catholic.

I never masturbate.

Right before you go to church.

On the way, you stop.

There's a gay bar here in town that I walk past when I go to lunch.

I have to walk by it.

Not that I'm hating, but it's called Stallions, and it's pretty funny.

like stallions that's awesome just my it's it's the name of the the security bot in here it's

called stallion and it reminds me of the turkish horse because he says he's stallion is his name

so it's a little joke me and athena we we drive by it too on the way to work and they're like oh

stallion anyway blah blah blah more prank calls uh yeah where's the african-american uh

telemarketer that's right thank you for reminding me let me do that now let me get it here

Do you think you could ask Charlie to donate?

I fuck you, son of a bitch.

You know, if Charlie gave me a dollar,

I would plug his restaurant.

The King at O'Malley Way.

The Dew Drop Inn.

I would totally do a read,

a live read for the Dew Drop Inn for him.

He deserves it after all the shit we put him through.

The Dew Drop Inn.

Surprisingly, the customers get quality food.

If I ever go to Hawaii,

I absolutely promise I'll go to the Dew Drop Inn

and I'll tip heavily.

If you're in Honolulu, be sure to visit the Dew Drop Inn.

You want to go to the Dew Drop Inn in Dakine, Bale Bonds.

In fact, I know people in Honolulu, so I'll email them and see if I can get some photographs of the place.

Yeah, with Charlie even and stuff.

Oh, the kid coughing.

Aw.

That's my boy.

Oh, I said girl.

I'm sorry.

Poor boy.

All right.

My bad.

All right, look.

Telemarketer.

So this girl's been calling you a lot?

Or just once?

she just called me tonight and i i almost started laughing because i knew that i was going to call

her back tonight let's do it she wanted to sell me some more television i don't i don't watch tv

yes don't watch cable i have netflix do you know it was a direct tv or what was it

no it was comcast it was like some but some they were in west virginia that's what she told me

yes that's what i got here i'm stuck with the fuckers did they raise your bill every 10 every

Every six months, $10, and they don't tell you.

And Verizon's out here, but in my apartment complex, they won't do Fios yet.

Sucks.

My in-law, my father-in-law got Fios.

I'm like, you bastard.

Yeah, they want to charge me $4 less a month for half of the megabytes.

Exactly.

Nah, it's bullshit.

Comcast is bullshit.

Man, if I had Verizon, that's why I can't wait to move out and get to a house.

Thank you for calling Comcast.

This call may be recorded and monitored for accuracy purposes.

services please hold and the next available agent will be with you shortly holding hold on hold on

how do you say it you get uh ted webb rather hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on

there you go he's worked for those douchebags and tech support oh thank you for calling comcast my

name is suzanne brewer can you provide me with the phone number can i speak to the black girl

The Michael?

Black girl.

Black girl called me before.

She offered me new services.

All right, sir.

I don't know who Michael is, but my name is Suzanne, and you can speak with me if you would like.

Oh, you're the black girl?

I asked for black girl, not Michael.

For what, sir?

It was a black girl that called me and offered me new services.

Black girl?

Yeah.

Did you say a black girl?

Yeah, she was black.

Okay.

What do you mean, okay?

What's that mean?

Fine, sir, but...

What's that about?

What kind of services do you currently have?

Huh?

What services do you currently have, sir?

I have HDTV.

I get Channel 2, Channel 6, Channel 9.

Do you have that?

Can you give me the phone number that you have on the account, sir?

Channel 2?

302?

No, Channel 2.

I'm sorry, sir. What was that?

I get Channel 2. I want to make sure you have Channel 2.

Yes, we have Channel 2.

Can I please have the phone number that you have on your account?

Is Bob Morton? I'm in Channel 2 with Bob Morton and the New Solvers.

Yes, sir. That is correct.

Correct. The ABCs, that would actually, I think, be Channel 7.

No, Channel 2.

Yes, sir. ABC?

No, it's Channel 2.

I'm confused. That's usually what Channel 2 is.

So you already have service, sir, correct?

Yeah.

May I have the phone number?

No, no, no. Wait a minute, woman.

No, I don't have service.

A sassy black lady called me tonight and offered me new services,

and I don't have Comcast service right now.

You understand?

Yes, sir. I understand.

So then I want to talk about Channel 2.

I want to make sure you have Channel 2.

Can you confirm on your computer?

Yes, sir.

I'm looking right now.

Sir, unfortunately, I do apologize, but you'll actually need to speak with our customer service department.

Wait a minute.

Are you selling service to them?

God damn it.

What?

However, I am able to transfer you directly to them.

Please hold on.

And representative will be with you shortly.

No, I don't give you permission.

I don't give you permission.

Sorry, sir.

I don't understand.

I don't give you permission to transfer me.

Is she driving under a bridge?

I'm sorry?

Are you under a bridge?

What's going on with your phone?

Would you like to speak to my supervisor, sir?

Yeah, because, and let me tell you something, if this is how your phone service sounds, if it sounds as bad, then I'm not interested.

Sir, unfortunately, it is an offer where they had called you, so you have to call back to them, and it's not finding your number in the system, so I would have to send you to customer service.

But if you give me just a moment, I will get a supervisor for you, and I'm sorry that I couldn't understand. Thank you.

Make it so.

Where's the bad audio coming from? Is it from her phone?

I'm muted.

I don't know, it sounds like somebody's on the road.

Is that Milkman? Milkman's not coming through.

Probably time to refresh the Skype again.

Hello?

Yeah, it's definitely coming from her.

No, I just hung up and it's not.

It's someone else.

Let's refresh it.

All right, everybody.

Yeah, we're...

On our end, it's...

This number is still open.

And that's...

13102.

Yeah, that's what's happening.

It's that one.

All right, everyone, call back in.

Okay.

Yeah, it was on Skype.

Holy shit.

Just a moment, folks.

All right, you're good, UK Ted.

Ken's on here.

You're good.

All right, sounds much better.

Dirty Aaron's back.

Ted Webb is back

I'll call back Milkman in a little bit

He's sent up a page

Yeah, and on our end, looking at the Skype

You can see all the numbers you've called

Line up all on the left

It's crazy

Yeah, maybe one of those was still online the whole time

They were listening, I don't know

Doing our little creeper action, just listening in

Yeah, and then we're giving out the website

They're probably like, who was this website?

Asian addicts would kill to get to our website

Oh my god, meet them

Thank you for calling Comcast

This call may be recorded and monitored

for accuracy purposes please hold and the next available agent will be with you shortly this

thing carlito is this time of night all the new people are on oh yeah dude yeah it's true and

there's 30 of them so you could call back 100 times and get a different person we had night

shift call centers that's true all the low low seniorities used to uh work for him in a call

center we had like 400 people or so and uh i never drew that night shift but there was like usually

Usually around 50, 60 people working that night shift.

God, I would blow my fucking brains out if I had to work that job.

I had luck of the draw.

I ended up getting my fucking Fridays and Saturdays off being a new guy, too.

I fucking lucked out real bad.

You had some people hating on you then, man.

You were lucky.

The way they do that is when you do all your testing and training,

if you're at the top of the class, you get first dibs on the shift draw.

Schedule, yeah.

Yeah, so I'm just like, you know, the rest of the people are a bunch of dumbasses,

so they end up with the night shift stuff.

There you go.

That's how you do it, man.

Yeah, man, I would shoot myself if I had to go back to a call center job.

I can't imagine having to do that shit.

I'm happy I've got my...

Is that really KDK in the chat?

Is it?

Probably.

It might be.

KDK hangs out.

What's up, KDK?

That's you.

KDK Pranks.

KDKPrankCalls.com.

I think it has pranks on it.

Thank you for calling Comcast.

This call may be recorded and monitored for accuracy purposes.

The number two prank call website on Google will be with you shortly.

Number two prank call on Google.com.

Yeah, I'm telling you.

That's him.

KDK number two prank call radio.com.

Hello?

My name is Laquan Benzing.

Can you provide me with the phone number associated with your Comcast account?

What do you say there, buddy?

I don't have an account yet.

I'm just calling because I got a call from someone about offering me the Greek channels.

Do you have a Comcast account?

Do I have a com...

No, no.

No, someone called and they assured me I could get all the great channels for $5 a month on all my TVs.

Sir, unfortunately, I don't know what you're speaking of, and I'm sorry.

You actually need to speak with our customer service department.

However, I am able to transfer you directly to them.

What are you reading?

Where are you reading from?

I'm sorry?

Listen, I don't need customer service because I'm not a customer.

I'm trying to get new service, okay?

I got a special offer.

Sir, the offer that you're speaking of, I have no clue what that is.

Let me talk to your supervisor here.

A non-colored supervisor, is that possible?

I'm sorry?

Are you African American?

No, sir, I am not.

Are you Hispanic?

Sir, I am not.

What are you? What's your ethnicity?

I'm German.

Oh, sure. Are you?

Yes, sir, I am.

Name me, give me three cities in Germany.

I do apologize, sir, I do not get paid to give cities in Germany.

Yeah, give me your supervisor. I'm going to make it, what's your name?

Laquan.

And you're German?

Yes, sir.

And your name is Laquan?

Yes, sir.

All right, put your supervisor on the line.

Okay, please hold.

German my ass

Laquan the German

My name is Marquise Jackson

I'm white as a motherfucker

KDK madhouse.radio

I've got you on Skype

KDK I can add you if you want

You should have me also

Join in we're just shooting the shit

Yeah I was telling somebody

One lady called in

Sitting there saying she had internet problems

And we asked her what lights are on her modem

Wouldn't tell us because she had fucking tape

Over the lights because she swore those were

cameras taking pictures of her.

Nice. Really.

Very nice. Yeah. Very funny.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're watching you through the lights on the modem.

You should have told me nobody wanted pictures of her

fat ass. You know what I used to like? That when I got

asshole customers, I would always love it if

they had the phone service through the modem, because

I would reboot their modem remotely.

Oh, yep.

I used to love that shit. Hold on the line

while we reboot your modem.

Are you on your Comcast line?

Yep, sure am. Reset.

reset oh hello sir oh you're gone i'm sorry i'm like sitting there i'm like hello hello

customer disconnect you know somebody for my supervisor yeah yeah well kdk yeah if your skype

isn't you can join on skype i don't have a call-in number um you can give me your number i can skype

you if you want if you trust me with your number um if not you're gonna have to get skype working

there buddy i don't know we've been sf kdk in the show we haven't had him on in years oh my god

Oh, KDK, that's actually KDK in there?

Yes, IG Richie, don't piss your pants.

I know.

It's your favorite prank caller.

I think it's more about him and Jack

cladding in his pants.

Yeah, that's what I was going to say.

I think he just laid one in his undies.

Now they say it's a fake KDK.

Let me look at this.

D-A-C-P.

No, that should be KDK.

I'm looking up the username here

and it's coming from the right node

on the internet on the right internet provider

that should be him so it is

KDK unless he's a super elite

hacker guy super elite hacks

or OMG hacks he's an awesome

proxy if it's not

yeah but if even

not everyone and I've said this a few

times now everyone be you know it's

good that we're all hanging out and that we're all

friendly again together because we need to have a positive

prank call community

and I'm happy that you know we're

not doing any bullshit anymore with

this whole thing. Did he lose Laquan

or whatever? Laquan, yeah.

He dropped out. We need to

call Uncle Tom back

so you can come on down.

Yeah, Uncle Tom's Tavern. What was it called?

That's another one. I'm jumping all over

the place. I'm not focusing. Oh, he got

pissed as hell. Oh my god.

He sounded like his teeth fell out in one of the

calls. It sounded like we were drunk as

fuck and partying in the background.

Come on down!

Yeah, he sounded just like that.

That's when we had to educate UK Ted on what

what the hell the price is right was.

Well, UKTED said they have a price is right in the UK,

so I don't know.

Not the same.

Parlin, that is good, to be honest with you.

Excuse me.

The other day, I got, like, over 20 numbers from one Domino's.

Wow.

No way.

Are you serious?

That's fucking stupid.

I cannot believe that.

UKTED was there.

Yeah.

UKTED.

You were there?

And should.

He was totally there.

You know, IG called me the other day.

He got my Skype.

I left it on on my fucking iPhone,

phone and he called me when i was at work it's kind of awesome i wanted to mention uh kdk now

that i have you here um i'm on and anybody else for that matter on ps3 uh ps3 network whatever

it's called carlitus dash x isn't that what it is yes you're always on netflix oh i take that back

i took i took the playstation away from athena i told her all she does is use netflix on it and

she doesn't let me use it so i took it hey yeah i wanted to mention i the ps3 it's it's it's it's

here it's in front of me i i connected it to my uh my one of my monitors here in the office

so actually i hit a button and i can turn on the ps3 i can play skyrim and battlefield 3

uh here right where i'm sitting at right now it's fucking awesome so i'm gonna be

playing battlefield 3 and skyrim you need to get battlefield 3 for pc no ps3 ps3 pc so that's what

what i gotta buy is battlefield 3 uh well i mean yeah get gamefly if you want that's another thing

if you want that's what i'm doing um but yeah i got battlefield 3 and amd i'm here's what i want

to say if any any ps3 players uh we should get together and play some battlefield 3 or something

yeah yeah yeah yo but i've never seen you play it well well i've been playing skyrim this week

but i got let me see if you're about hang on this is my i'm still fucking playing black ops

wow wow really it was cheap it was like 15 dollars at the used store okay let me see this is

battlefield 3 yeah see battlefield 3 i got it right here so i was gonna send it back and then

people like no no don't send it back play so i'm thinking this weekend um if you got who if any of

you have battlefield 3 and you've added me we should all get together maybe saturday we should

plan a day have a party uh maybe saturday night play some battlefield 3 on playstation network

work damn it i gotta buy it on ps3 you don't have a ps3 is there a bromance we're gonna have a

bromance on ps3 if we just just a thing just something we can do but i'm gonna i know amd

plays battlefield 3 on playstation so you know we're doing that i play it like maybe a few hours

a week like i really like ps3 there you go well there you go well yeah so seriously i've got i'm

gonna be playing a lot of uh i've been playing skyrim all week finally being able to play it

because like dude this is we have the one nice tv in the in the in the living room and athena's

either watching netflix on the ps3 and stuff and i said athena look i got a blue i got a sony blu-ray

player that gets netflix and she's like oh really like yeah i'm like here just use that i took the

ps3 out i got a cable on amazon um so i could connect the playstation to my monitor and it

works works like a charm so i was gonna buy a new tv and put it here in this office and i said well

well, why? I've got to fucking...

I get 1080p on this monitor

and stuff, so I'm like, why would I do that?

I burned out my PlayStation,

my first one, from watching fucking

Netflix all the time. Really? Yeah.

Probably have 75 hours of

game time and, God, who knows

of Netflix. Right, right. True, true,

true. Um, yeah.

So let's call some people in the UK.

Yeah, I know. Explain to me the appeal

of Netflix. I don't understand.

So instead of having television, you

just have shows on there

for $10 a month instead of having cable.

And you can watch all the whole season.

Why don't you just stream anything?

I mean, I can't think of anything

that I can't just stream

without paying for.

You can stream it, but it's a pain

in the ass. It's a pain in the ass,

yeah, but with this, you know, and you get

movies and TV shows and stuff

and, you know, you could...

But I'd rather have a slight inconvenience

than have to pay $10 for something

which I don't even get to keep.

I don't know.

Who wants to store all that data?

You just log into Netflix and watch it.

Yeah, and pretty good, decent quality.

It's not the best quality. It's good quality.

They have high quality now. They have HD quality.

Yeah, they do. You're right.

It just takes as long as it streams.

No, it just streams right away.

Yeah, that's pretty interesting.

You don't download the whole file.

You can get a torrent for a new movie or something like that,

but if you want to watch some whatever

quick, easy...

on the ps3 star trek stuff is on that i tried it out uh not too long ago when i never had any

hang-ups or anything like that while trying to stream it yeah everyone's and here's what i like

about netflix dude netflix on my android i watch at work i watch at home on my android phone

on my computer i can watch it on my all my little computers here in the house in the living room i

can watch it on my blu-ray player it's got netflix connected on it so i can watch it on there and

And now my PlayStation 3 and shit.

I don't watch any TV.

I got my PS3.

I got my Netflix.

I got my Android phone and Netflix.

I didn't need anything else.

What else do you need?

They got a lot of good movies, too, that you can't find other places.

Yeah.

Someone sent me today.

Someone recommended a show.

What was it?

Out of the Wild.

Something like that.

It's like a Survivor, but it's more realistic, I guess.

It's less of the voting drama bullshit.

it's more people just they get dropped in alaska and they have to survive for 30 days someone

recommended i added it to my netflix queue i'm probably gonna watch it looks whoever it was if

you're listening whoever it was that recommended it thanks i took your advice and i added it to

my queue uh before the show started so i'll probably check that out this weekend but anyway

what i'm trying to say uh this weekend and next week or whatever any of any of you playstationers

that have battlefield 3 or want to get it however you want to get it let's all get together and

and play. That sounds like

a plan. Me and AMD will start it out.

There you go. Is there anything else

that we can play all together?

Do you have to reconnect to

a regular monitor or do you have to get

an adapter?

You can connect it to a monitor. I mean, I got

a $5 cable that

it's got a DVI output. So if you get

a DVI input on your monitor,

I got a DVI to

Yeah, I do.

Oh yeah, that works. To serial?

Yeah. Well, Gregulate and I have

I've got a Halo game going on the Xbox 360, if anyone wants to join that.

Yeah, I'd have to buy an Xbox 360.

Yeah, that sucks.

I think I played Halo when I was like 11.

Take all that money that people have been sending you and spend it on computer games.

No, that's Madhouse money only.

Then people are like, where'd you spend the money on?

No, that's for Madhouse only, because then I've got to pay for Madhouse shit.

God, I'm talking a lot of bullshit.

Let's call the UK.

UK Ted, tell them how I got 20 numbers from Domino's.

You picked up the phone and called and asked?

Yeah.

Fucking amazing.

That's exactly how we did it.

wow hey man great idea okay so we got uncle tom's tavern who wanted to someone want to talk to uncle

tom's tavern we can talk let's do it uncle tom's tavern from last week drunk bartender this is in

alaska sellout fucks sellout uncle tom handkerchief heads sounds like they got some house niggas up in

there i'm a field negro i'm a hybrid negro hi come on down i'm a little bit of house a little

bit of house negro a little bit of slave negro come on down is it gonna go through oh it's

It's Alaska.

It takes a little while.

Ah.

Lines are frozen.

Let's try again.

Thanks, everyone, for tuning in.

We got 107 listeners total on Shoutcast.

And I think we got about 30 people viewing on livestream.

Much appreciated.

I know I'm running around all over the place today, but...

Uncle Tom.

Yes, hi.

I was looking for the manager.

I could probably help you.

Well, is the manager there?

That's who I'd rather talk to.

Well, the owner's not here, but I'm his girlfriend.

Oh, yeah?

You're the owner's girlfriend?

Uh-huh.

All right. How did you get that job? Huh? Hello?

Yeah, I applied for it.

But you're the girlfriend. So were you the girlfriend first or the job that you have first?

Which came first, the job or the girlfriend part?

Did you have to blow in to get the job?

Maybe the girlfriend part is the job part.

Oh.

Well, how are you people?

We have a, we're opening up a new tavern in town across the way.

Yeah, we're going to open it right across the street from yours and we're going to compete for your business.

So I'm just trying to.

Oh, cool. Cool. What's the name?

Well, it's...

UK Ted Tavern.

It's called Field...

It's called Slushes.

Oh, that's a great name.

Yeah, we're gonna...

What we want to attract as a client base are slutty lushes.

So we're calling it Slushes.

Oh, that shouldn't be a problem.

That should be you right there.

I'll be there.

Yeah, you probably will.

Awesome.

So what perks do you get being the owner's girlfriend?

Not many.

Do you kiss him?

He's pretty cheap.

Does he kiss a lot?

Do you guys get to do it on top of the bar?

You ever try that?

All the time.

That's good.

Well, I talked to him last week, and he seemed kind of weird.

Like, he's older than you, right?

How old are you?

You're, like, in your 30s?

Pretty close.

And he's, like, what, 50, 60?

Pretty close.

So he's got a lot of money, and why are you attracted to him?

For the job, right?

She likes his silvery crotch hair.

Yeah, that's it.

Don't feel bad.

I mean, I know, so you're sleeping with a guy for a job.

That's what you had to come down to, right?

That's what kind of girl you are?

That's the economy.

It's fine.

Yeah, that's fine.

Tell me the truth.

We're not going to tell anybody.

Why?

Who are you calling?

Well, I was calling for the owner, but he's not there, so you're the girlfriend, so, you know.

No, he's not.

Actually, he's sick today, and actually, I don't even really work here.

I'm just filling in for him today.

I mean, I work here sometimes, but he's sick.

He'll probably be here tomorrow if you want to call him back.

Does he have the HIV or the SARS or something?

Did you give him an STD?

Does he have?

Yeah, it's gonorrhea.

It's no big deal.

It's from you?

Of course.

Okay.

Well, that's cool.

That's all right.

We won't tell anybody about that either.

I don't have anything else for her.

You guys want to say anything to her?

Go ahead.

Yeah, what's the most popular drink that you serve?

That would be a can of beer.

Not a slippery nipple or a fuzzy navel.

Sex on the beach.

I don't even know how to make them.

The cheapest drink at our club is going to be $356.

You serve a little thumb in the ass, something like that.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, do you have a back room in the bar where unsavory acts are committed?

Is there sex in the champagne room?

Are there holes in the bathroom stalls?

Glory holes.

Yeah, that should be the name of our new bar.

We should switch to the slushes.

And the unsavory acts are the customer's business.

Would it be okay if I drilled a hole through one of the bathroom stalls?

Oh, sure, it'd be fine.

I think instead of doing that to save some time,

we'll just put some holes in front of the bar,

and she can go behind there to service everybody when she brings the drinks.

Sounds good.

Glory hole status.

The beers.

We could drill them, like, right under the bar stools, like, right against the bar.

So people don't even have to stand up.

Don't say drill them in front of her.

She's going to get excited.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I've got to keep it professional.

Yeah.

Mount.

We'll mount some holes.

Do you want me to pick a message for Tom, the owner?

Yeah.

And have him call you back?

Yeah, you ready?

Yeah.

All right.

We'll tell him cross and the gang call then.

And what else?

What are we doing?

I don't know.

I don't know what to do with this one.

Anybody?

Tell him to get his glory hole ready.

Get his shit together.

And to stop boning women half his age.

Yeah, exactly.

It's gross.

And you, obviously you, what's with you?

Get some class.

Why are you sleeping with a man who's like double your age?

He could be your father.

Like seriously, I talked to him.

He sounds like he's permanently drunk and he has like two teeth in his mouth.

And he borrowed those two teeth?

Well, no, I'm just, we're trying to get through to you.

Like leave him and come with us.

We're young.

We're handsome.

Do you have daddy issues?

Well, I don't even know who you are.

So how would I know that?

Do you have a good relationship with your father, or is it bad?

Is that what happened?

My father's none of your business.

You don't even know who we are.

All you need to know is we got some hard dick, and that's all you need.

Give me good dick and take care of that problem you got.

It's starting to not sound that way.

Does it sound like hard dick?

We're the handsome bulls.

Little Richie says we are going to come down and give you some dick.

All right.

I'm off, but I got to go because I got customers.

Do you want me to give Tom a message or not?

Yes, make a message.

Just Dick. D-I-C-K.

Okay.

He'll know what we're talking about.

And also the handsome bulls.

Dick, handsome bulls.

Bye. Love you.

Have a good evening.

I think she had a few Xanax

before we called in.

Good God.

Snorted them on the toilet.

It almost sounds like she wanted to take Carlito off

on that getting a knower type of thing, too.

Oh boy

He wanted a couple irons in the fire there

Daddy issues

Let me take a message

He'll be here tomorrow but I'm blowing a few guys in the bar tonight

Alright KDK says to check my aim

Did KDK send a number to me or something

Let me check

I gotta find the right one here

KDK pranks

KDK wants to do UK wake up calls

Hey Ted yeah you and KDK can finally talk

Yay

And I have a UK number good we can do it

I noticed something listening to the podcast a couple times.

I think it's either Nudu or Lonesome keeps sending in, like, the same guy, like, three or four weeks in a row.

Really?

Yeah.

I don't pay that much attention.

I edit the shows and, like, I just listen for little pauses and take them out and that's it.

Who knows what gets through.

How you doing, dear?

Hello, how are you doing?

It's good to talk to you, DK.

How are you?

Ted Webb is here.

He's all excited about talking to you.

How are you?

rice eater how are you yeah that's ted yeah ted webb yeah oh wonderful oh it's like a reunion

this is good to hear you old man old man you're getting mad already all right uh you want to do

a uk wake-up call i got frank beresford in england frank beresford okay all right let's do it i'll be

max velocity i love that name max velocity max velocity max powers for hello hello how are you

What are you doing now? Is this the person who I was looking for?

Vance!

Who's that?

Told you, it's Dole Vance. I've spoken to you. To me, it's Max Velasquez here.

Look, look, you must be crazy. Ten to five o'clock in the morning. Who are you?

I'm sorry to call so early, but trust I wouldn't call so early if it weren't terribly important.

Well, what's important?

Listen, we're down here at work. Loretta was trying to fry up some chicken fingers.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Then all of a sudden, lights set her face on fire.

Is he gone?

He is gone.

I'll call him back.

Fear not.

That's awesome.

Max Velocity.

Hello.

You're sandbagging me.

Hello.

Hello, how are you doing, love?

I don't know what just connected.

Don't keep ringing here.

I'm calling because Loretta set her hair on fire.

We need you to come into work today.

You need to come in early.

I'm calling him back.

He hung up.

Calling him back.

Sandbagging me over and over.

I don't know who he was.

I want you to ring me at 5 o'clock in the morning.

I need to tell you of an emergency.

Emergency.

agency. Loretta has said

that hair a lot.

I'm giving me a shake. I don't know who you

are, so shut off.

That guy's awesome. He told you to

shut off.

Oh, come on, come on, come on.

Give me a set up. Don't sandbag me.

Oh, it's the same guy. Frank

Beresford. You want to wake him up? There you go.

Same guy. That's what we're calling. I keep calling

him. His name is Frank what? Frank

Beresford.

It's the fifth time I call him that.

Hello.

So, who wants to be who I'm speaking to?

We might do something.

That was so dope, yo.

Yeah, I'm not sandbagging you, buddy.

It's the same person.

I don't know what just happened.

You're sandbagging me who I'm calling, where I'm calling.

I told you, it's the same person.

Frank bears for it.

Well, fine, it doesn't matter.

You can sandbag me, I'll still make it work.

All right, good.

It doesn't matter.

All right, well, you've been drinking tonight.

You're drinking Bud Ice, that's what I'm drinking.

It's good stuff.

No, no, no, no.

No, I have to work tomorrow.

Well, today is a sober night tonight, so you're hearing a soberer KDK.

Oh, good.

Do whatever you want.

Whatever.

You're the man.

I'll be damned.

You're saying that to me again.

Same person.

Same person?

Yes.

Okay.

I don't think it's going to go down.

Who should I do?

Welcome to voicemail.

The person.

Hang up.

All right.

I'm going to give you three names.

Tell me which one you want.

All in England.

T. Windsor.

A. Gray.

Brian Tucker.

The middle one.

A as in apple, gray as in the color.

A-Gray.

Because I love calling the grays.

Essex, England.

Essex.

Not like the aliens, but like the people in gray.

You want to be careful.

Essex is a special place.

That's Jim Stewart.

I don't know if you know Jim Stewart.

KDK, he's there on the line.

Essex.

Yeah, I'm taking a break from my tennis practice.

Hello?

Mr. A-Gray there, please.

This is Max Velocity calling for a grey.

Max Velocity.

She hung up already.

This is Max Velocity calling.

I'm sorry to call so early, you know.

I would never call so early if it weren't so terribly important.

Yeah, what's it regarding?

Well, that's between him and I.

But I assure you, it's very, very important.

I wouldn't call so early.

I wouldn't even be awake so early.

Hello?

So just be a dear and put him on the line and stop being difficult with me, please.

I've got quite what you're saying.

Hello, this is Mr. A. Gray.

Mr. Gray, is that you then?

He hung up, he hung up.

I'll try him again.

You're not giving me even a first name.

You're giving me a letter.

A. Gray again.

Hello.

I believe he got disconnected.

Yeah, who the fucking hell are you?

There's no need to get vulgar, dear woman.

My name is Max Velocity.

They're gone.

I'm calling for Mr. Gray.

They're gone, they're gone, they're gone.

All right, all right.

Oh, my God.

Who the fucking hell are you?

That's a...

Oh, shit.

Who the fuck?

Wow.

These are good...

I understand that you want to test my ability and sandbag me,

but you've got to give me some info that I can use to make a decent prank call.

At least kind of give me, like, a first and last name.

All right.

Well, these are UK calls.

Let me take that Tucker one.

A-Gray.

Who the fuck is going to make a call work to an A-Gray?

You want a Brian P. Tucker?

I give you a middle initial with that one.

Brian P. isn't Paul Tucker?

P. Tucker, okay.

Brian P. Tucker.

And they're a member of the Madhouse show that he might be related to.

Ooh, Tuck.

Tucker Mike.

Who cares?

Who cares about that?

Fuck you, Mike Tucker.

If you're listening, fuck you, Mike Tucker.

Mike Tucker's awesome.

Is that Tucker Mike?

Nah.

Shout out to Tucker Mike.

Where is Tucker Mike?

He's not around tonight.

I haven't seen him at all tonight.

Is Tucker around?

No.

I told him to come today, but he didn't.

I'll find him in a car somewhere.

Where Tucker is tonight?

Nope.

All right.

Okay, Brian Tucker, KDK, take it away.

Okay.

You got enough information?

Brian P.?

What the hell is that?

Brian P. Fucker.

That's a bunch of weird noise.

God damn it.

Hello?

Welcome to Mr. Brian Tucker.

Is he there, please?

Mr. Tucker?

Yes?

Oh, dear, I didn't recognize your voice at first.

What are you doing, Brian?

Rather rude, don't you think?

I don't know why they talk to KDK like that.

I don't know why they talk to his friends.

Holy shit.

Let me intervene here, Tuck.

Chill out with a friend call.

I'm done.

Yeah.

Brian.

You've gotten disconnected.

He's held the line.

He's going for the long hang up.

Yeah.

And it's one of those things when you call the UK where they hang up and it says hold the line and it starts ringing immediately.

I never understand why that happens.

That is the weirdest fucking shit.

I don't get that.

Can our UK translator explain that to us?

I don't know.

Give me a good number where I can do a good Jill call to.

I'm going to do Jill, but give me a good number.

And give me a proper name.

Well, I'm giving you names.

This is the same system for Lonesome Losers you get on your shows.

Anyway, you're on, what is it, Saturday nights, everyone?

You're 11 or 10 p.m. now?

11.

11 p.m. on Saturday nights.

KDK was here.

Just Google Prank Calls.

KDK will be number two or three on the list because I'm that damn great.

There you go.

He's the longest running prank call, continuous prank call radio show

in history.

Not only that, but the longest running podcast

ever. There you go. Because I'm not

dead yet. And the number

one... Once I'm dead, it'll take them another

two or three years to beat

my record. Eventually, it will be beaten.

I'm nipping at your heels.

And then also the number one Alexa

website. Yeah, you are. Really, you came

like three years after me. Three years

after I'm dead, if you keep going,

you'll be the longest running

prank call podcast. Then I'll be the

The queen of prank calls.

Yay.

All right.

Why do you say queen?

Just, you know.

Is that a gay dig?

No.

God, here we go.

Here comes the drama.

Listen, I got a French food restaurant if you want to call.

I got a wine bar also.

You want a wine bar, French food, or you want another random UK person?

I want a random UK person because restaurants are too loud in the background.

All right.

I got Patty Windsor.

This is in the Irish Republic, Dublin.

All right.

You're going to have to work.

All right.

All right, Patty, Patty was...

It's not really a UK call, then, is it?

Oh, okay, it's an Irish call, but it's the same thing.

Who cares?

I know it is part of the United Kingdom.

So forgive me if that ridiculous voice doesn't work.

Try it.

It's okay, do your thing.

I don't think it comes in good over Skype.

Oh, Christ.

Oh, my God, what are you doing here?

It's like...

I was calling for Patty there, please.

Negative.

Try it again.

Just give us a beep.

What happened?

They gave us a beep.

I don't know, I'm trying it again.

It's busy now.

They picked up and went right to a beep.

And then here's another one in England, Nikola Tanner.

Nikola, like a Russian-sounding name.

Last name Tanner.

Oh, I just donated $2.

Yeah.

KDK, tell me about your Skyrim.

What race character did you get?

Did you get a Nord?

I'm an Argonian.

I like Argonians because they're disease-resistant and they can breathe underwater.

There you go.

Cool.

I always play as an Argonian.

Plus, it's always funny when I get killed because I don't wear armor.

It's always funny because I have the mod installed where you can have the naked mod.

So it gives you, like, the slow-motion replay of you falling down dead with your scaly penis hanging out.

Nice.

Okay.

And you're playing the PC version, right?

How's it run?

Is it all right?

Well, PC is the only way to play it.

It's the only way you can use mods.

So why would you play any other way?

Well, you got a point.

All right.

I'm sorry, guy.

Do you get a new computer?

Do you have to get a pretty decent rig in order to play that decently?

Oh, definitely.

Yeah, you got a nice computer.

This game is designed for really high-end machines.

So the first time you play, you're going to have to turn the graphics down

unless you're rich and have a crazy powerful machine.

Yeah, that's why I stuck the PS3.

If you have a real killer gaming rig, the game is absolutely mind-bogglingly amazing.

It looks so amazing.

because you can stand on a mountaintop,

look like five miles out,

and see all the peaks and fantasies

and towns and settlements.

It's amazing if you have a great graphics engine.

And I'm glad it is.

The crevasses.

Right.

The crevasses.

I'm stuck with the worst version,

the PS3 version with all the bugs.

It's still an awesome game in that.

I'm amazed by the level.

Right.

It doesn't matter about the graphics card,

because the gameplay is so amazing.

I love the game.

Well, there's a lot of bugs.

I'm already on my second playthrough.

Well, the PS3 version is the one with all the bugs

and the backwards flying dragons and all that shit

and the slowdown issues.

No, I think they all have that.

Yeah, they do?

I think the PC version probably has the most of that.

Really?

I'm going to write it down

because the game has a lot of problems

with quest ending glitches.

You can't end a quest

because something didn't happen right.

That would piss me off

if I had spent a whole bunch of time on a fucking quest.

Yeah, it does.

So fuck off.

Fuck Bethesda.

It doesn't crash on the PS.

Save, save, save, save.

It doesn't crash on the PC.

Save, save, save.

Gotcha.

All right.

Nicola Tanner.

It crashes on the PS3, but I don't know.

I never tried it on the PS3.

Well, there you go.

Carlito.

Yes.

I just donated two bucks.

You sent me what?

Hang on.

Three bucks from...

Two dollars.

I'll send you another couple bucks when I get the money.

Thank you for the donation.

Thank you, man.

Don't worry about it.

We got enough.

I got enough.

Are you begging for donations?

No, I just...

I put the word out there every three months or so just so I can pay for Skype,

and now I've got enough for, like, the whole year at this point.

So no more donations.

You can pay for your new wooden leg that you lost to your diabetes.

Very funny.

Diabetes.

Very funny since I almost went blind.

I appreciate it.

You see?

You see why we didn't get along for years and years?

Nicola Tanner, KDK.

What a jerk, this guy.

Try to make peace and try to break bread with KDK.

Oh.

I know.

You want me to take this?

I got it.

Son of a bitch.

Who am I calling?

I hear it ringing.

Nicola Tanner.

Call who?

Nicola.

Nicola?

Hello?

Is that Nicola Tesla?

Nicola Tesla.

Nicola?

They're gone.

All right.

They're gone.

You can't sandbag me without giving me a name.

I told you three times who we're calling.

I don't need a location.

I don't need a premise.

Son of a bitch.

Just at least give me a proper full name.

You and the rules.

I told you three times, Nicola Tanner, and you go on a tangent and you forget.

You're drinking.

You're doing something.

You're doing bath salts?

What's going on?

Who says I'm an asshole?

I'm doing this one.

Now the phone's ringing again.

Now who am I calling?

I'm doing one.

Same person?

Sit there.

Shut up.

I'm high on bath salts.

We're doing bath salts.

Hello?

Hello.

How are you doing?

Joseph.

Joseph Reynolds.

Hello.

Can you hear me all right?

Yes.

I'm incredibly high upon bath salts right now.

So I'm not even sure who I'm speaking with.

What is your name, dear?

I'm saying it this time of night.

Because I'm incredibly upon bath salts.

Oh, dear.

And the proper response from hers is to hang up, I suppose.

Let me try to call.

Let me do this one.

Let me put it there and say that KDK is absolutely not high on bath salts.

Good.

Are you coming to change check back?

Yes, I'll do it this time.

Hang on.

Let me see if she'll answer me.

Probably won't.

Utah.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

Look, I'm sorry.

My friend was calling in.

Did you get a call from my friend?

Who are you?

Like, my friend Kyle was calling in.

My name is Cross.

We were talking about bath salts.

I don't know if you remember that part.

Hello?

Who are you?

My name is Cross.

Cross.

I'm calling from the National Water Association.

Do you know what time it is?

Well, yeah, but there's a problem with the toilets.

I wanted to remind you not to flush your toilets for the next 24 hours.

You understand?

No, I don't understand.

It's 7 o'clock in the morning.

I know.

This is Joseph Reynolds.

Do I have the right number?

Yes.

Good.

Listen, your toilet.

How many toilets do you have there in the house?

I have you down with two toilets inside the house, correct?

We have two toilets, yes.

Okay.

Okay, so then I got the right person.

Listen, for urinating, you have to urinate in the sink for the next 24 hours.

If you have any women that are staying there,

they have to urinate into a cup or a pail or a barrel and dump that outside.

I'm going to take care of it.

Or a sick bottle.

Esther had a home group.

It's not her night to do dishes.

Thursday night.

You understand?

I understand.

Dirty Aaron's talking about dishes.

I don't know what he's talking about.

Yeah.

You can't shit.

The fucking guy you just called.

Who are you?

Like he's a fucking Arnold or something.

Who are you?

The line would say you need to shit in a spackle bucket.

Yo, can I get a shot at that?

Sure, go ahead.

Go ahead, Richie.

Not to piss in the...

Take a shit outside in a hole.

Hello?

Ma'am?

Hello?

Ma'am, we have reports that you're using a legal toilet.

You're going to have to switch to a sink or you're going to be prosecuted.

Switch to a sink.

Ma'am?

Ma'am, do you want to get prosecuted?

I don't think

At your age

You should be going to jail

I mean people do nasty stuff there

I think they're gone

Dirty Aaron

Did you do the dishes

What's going on

You know how I do the dishes

God damn it

Alright well you know

When it's your turn

To do the dishes

Do the dishes

Carlito call that guy back

And just start

What do you answer

And just start yelling

Who are you

And just fucking

Just start fucking with him

Welcome to

BG answer 1571

It's always the same number

Welcome to BG Answer 1571

What are you calling?

I was trying to call the same one back

No answer there now

They took the phone off the hook

I got Lindsey Ellicott

Ted Webb, do you want to do this one?

Yes, please

You've been quiet all night

Lindsey Ellicott in Cornwall

It's a UK call

Busy

Busy at this time

Let me see what else I got here

I think that's an Italy number

What the hell

Do an Italy number

I think it says White House Pizzeria

In Martini Della Libertad

That's gotta be Italy right

No that's Spain isn't it

Martini Della

Libertad is Spanish

You gotta call and ask for an Obama nigger pizza

There you go.

White House pizza.

I don't want a nigga pizza.

Something with a lot of ham and bacon.

It is Italy, Ted Webb.

It's awesome.

Niggas love sausage.

It comes up as Italy in Skype, so this is right up your alley.

So it's White House pizza?

White House pizzeria, restaurante.

There's a fried chicken on that pizza.

He's so not Italian.

It's the worst pizza in Italy.

I want some chitlins on my pizza.

I want some cigarette ashes in my pizza.

I wonder if I could do, like, a Bubba Johnson speaking Italian.

I don't know.

Then I got the White House Hotel in Sabotino, Italy instead.

Sabotino?

I don't know what the hell that is.

Maybe I can call them and get them to do my dishes.

There you go.

I would love to hear Bubba Boy again.

Okay.

Hey, how's it going, brother, in Torrington, Connecticut?

Hello, Sabotino.

Hello.

Wow! Buongiorno! Buongiorno!

Buongiorno.

Como stai, signor?

Bene, bene. Tu?

Mio nome è Jack the Bubble Boy.

Come cognome?

Jack. My name is Jack.

Yeah.

Yeah, is your hotel very clean?

È sporco? Is it dirty?

Quanto?

Mi chiamo Jack.

Jack.

Sì.

Quindi?

Voglio sapere se tuo hotel è sporco.

I want to know if the hotel is dirty

No, no, it's dirty

It's dirty, it's clean

Yeah, because I get sick if it's dirty

If it's dirty, it's dirty

No, no, it's dirty, it's dirty

Is your wife there?

I want to talk to the person who cleans

Yeah

Can I speak to your wife?

No

Can I speak to your sister?

No

Can I speak to your brother?

Why?

No, why?

Yes, it's not

Hey

That's my fault I laughed I'm sorry

He's like no no no

Yes

I don't know what he was more upset about

Asking to speak to his wife or his sister

I think he defended his sister a little bit more

I think they might be the same person

There you go

Was that guy Arab

Or I didn't hear my Skype crash

Was that guy Arab or

Italian it's supposed to be Italian I don't know

Oh my bad

He was speaking Italian

out. Ah, he wants to know.

He can be whatever he wants, guys, alright?

It's a beautiful world where he can be wherever

he wants. Let's follow up with the angry Asiatic

black guy and see if he picks up.

I'm going to talk to Charlie. Oh, boy.

Connect them both at the same time.

Mm-hmm. There you go. Hello?

Hey, what's going on? Salaam alaikum, my brother.

What's up with you? What's up, brother man?

What's up with you? What's up with you,

Nagasaki?

I've been waiting on your call.

Yeah? Why? What's going on?

Hold on. What's his name?

I'm going to put him on the line.

Hey, you're going to put him on the line?

All right, good, good.

We'll be right here.

It's your favorite person.

All right, he's getting his friend on the line.

Awesome.

This is great.

Hey, where is your friend?

I'm going to put him on the line.

Kitty, these are angry black Muslims that we stumbled into once,

and they're very angry.

You'll see.

What's his name?

Asiatic.

Can I call you on your phone?

No.

I don't know.

Do you want me to call you back again, or what's going on?

Tell the other faggot to shut up.

I'm going to say no.

Hold on, hold on.

You fucking homophobes.

Holla, holla.

Holla, holla, holla.

Let me holla, can I holla, can I holla?

There you go.

Hold on, hold on.

I got to get it.

I'm about to pull him up in a second.

Hold on.

All right, you do that.

Hold on.

See, he's going to jerk him off in a second.

What the fuck do you say?

You're going to jerk him off?

Hey, what has four, what's, what it's four legs and, and says, ho-dee-do, ho-dee-do.

A black man at the liquor store?

No, two black guys running from the elevator.

Uh, I heard that before.

Richie's back.

Welcome back, Richie.

We got dirty.

Thank you.

We got, uh, KDK, Richie, Dirty Aaron, uh, Ken, Ted Webb, UK Ted.

And the Asiatics.

And flies.

And the Asiatics.

And Dark Stranger says, yes, now the racist hour begins.

Woo.

Not even Asian addicts just call them as them boys.

Hey, boy.

As-salamu alaykum.

My brother.

Hello.

As-salamu alaykum.

Negro?

Salami.

Yes.

What's going on?

What's going on, brother?

Okay, thank you, brother.

That's good.

Hey, man, we're going through the...

You know, these white devils, we need to stop paying into their systems, putting our money in the banks.

we need to stop supporting these white

white communities

why are you laughing

you see your world

coming to an end don't you

I do actually

I am the white devil

the white devil is on the line guys

I am here for your soul

we have the white devil tonight

that's why we're calling you because we found the white devil

we put him on the phone here to talk to you guys

you guys had some problem with the white devil

we need to

Hey, I'm the rich old lady.

You see your end coming?

The world is coming.

It ain't nothing.

It ain't no cliche.

It's clear as day.

Your end is coming.

Okay, that's cool.

So what's been going on with you boys lately?

I'm not a monkey.

I'm a man.

All right?

I'm speaking to the...

You're not a man.

You're a monkey.

Listen.

How are you going to call us if you're here?

You guys, how many bananas do you eat every day?

How many bananas do you eat?

I can't hear you.

There's a lot of distortion.

A lot of people talking.

I know.

How many bananas do you eat?

Well, I eat bananas.

You died when you were coming out of the cave.

All right.

Here we go with the fucking cave again.

Listen with the cave.

That's not true.

Really, what I want to know is how many times you've been back to Meatspin.com after we sent them there.

Have you been back to our website lately?

No, that didn't work.

Yeah.

When you came out of Europe.

When you came out of...

I busted out that John Holmes dildo with the town on each other.

This is the way.

Well, you came out of Pat-ness.

Well, mother...

What?

My mother's trying to what?

You came out of Pat, man.

Let's deal with reality, man.

If you don't have facts, let's not just get on the phone and say anything.

All right, let's be serious.

Let's say something.

Let's get down to business.

I have one question.

Do I have to be black to go to heaven?

Yeah, do you have to be...

Let's get down to business.

No, but is there a requirement to be black?

Can I convert to being black, please?

Can I convert to black?

I cannot. I can't hear. I can't hear.

That's where you come from. Where do you think you come from?

If you're either Chinese or Japanese or whatever, where do you think you come from?

You know, you gotta be born again, but we don't waste time.

You can't be born again because you can't go back.

So you're saying you're doomed.

Yeah, you know you're doomed.

That's racist, man.

want you guys to know racism is an action racism is a state of being you know when i think no

racism is not no state of being racism is an act where you go kill people that that that's racist

racism is a being okay then you're being racist yeah you're very right you're no i'm not being

racist because my hands have no human being but no it's not it's written in ink it's in the

a library. It's in the library.

Yeah, I mean, go to the library

and read your history. It's in blood.

I'll go to the library,

not the library. Yeah, yeah, but your history

is written in chicken grease.

Yeah, okay.

Yours is written in Kool-Aid.

Yours is written in raw meat.

Yours is written in greens, motherfucker. Greens!

That's why y'all eat raw meat.

I don't know.

You really want...

Hey, you know what?

But that's neither here nor there.

I don't know if your mom's pussy is Robbie or not,

but it's a good thing.

Let me kick your ass.

I didn't get to laugh, man.

What did you say last?

You better tell him.

Say what now?

Say what?

You heard what he said.

What did you just say?

Your mom was what he said.

Exactly.

What the fuck is my mom?

Come out to Vegas.

Listen.

Come out to Vegas.

I kept it drunk.

You were taking John Holmes dildos

and fucking each other like this.

I don't know what you guys are doing on a daily basis,

but it's fucking upsetting.

You're the fucking skunk, son.

The skunks of the earth.

I'm going to fuck his mama when she comes out here to Vegas.

I'm going to catch her on that strip.

Because you know what they want.

They always want that black meat.

Since the beginning of time.

The dark meat is the best meat.

But the white meat is cleaner.

You are unlike the track, man.

You are unlike the track.

Listen, let me ask you.

Here's something.

Beat the most and all that good shit.

I mean, it's nice and tender.

Hang on.

Ken, let me ask him something.

What do you guys know about the Illuminati, the Bilderbergs,

and the Jews that are controlling the banking system?

I know about them.

We know about them.

Well, I'm your brother.

What the fuck do you mean?

What do you mean you know about them?

That's your brother.

I mean, why would we know that?

I mean, a snake is a snake, whether he's poisonous or not.

That's your brother.

This is what I want to ask you.

Do you think all the shit that your people done did,

do you think that y'all are going to get away with that?

Well, it's our destiny.

God gave us the right to do this, to take control of the world.

It's our world, because we're white.

Yeah, God did.

God did give you that.

He gave you six years.

He gave you six years to rule.

No, six years.

Six years.

It's us.

The seventh day is going to be ruled by the Chinese.

No, the seventh day is going to be ruled by the Chinese.

It's the seventh day.

If you've been paying attention, the Chinese are going to be like the world power in ten

years, dude.

No, they're not going to have the world power in ten years.

No, we're talking about you.

Man, you won't be around here.

You're going to take us over to the cave and we're going to get the blood.

Do you think that your people are going to get away with that?

No, we are not.

Of course, we control the system.

Of course, we're going to get away with that.

For now, you don't think it ain't easy?

Yeah, the system's here.

The system's gone.

You can't even say no.

Your world is dying.

I'll tell you this.

Now you're going to rule some shit.

Listen, I went to a black neighborhood, right?

Once I went to the grocery store in a black neighborhood.

The door didn't open right.

It smelled bad inside.

They didn't have any meat.

That was all the meat.

They had like three pieces of meat for sale.

That was all.

Okay.

I couldn't get

a decent

pack of cigarettes.

They were all bad cigarette

cools and Newports. That's all they had to sell there.

Newports, yeah.

Wait a minute.

What are you talking about?

Because when you came over,

When you came over and to Asia, you didn't know me talking.

This is last week.

Just like when Alexander the Great came over there.

Come back in 150 years when you can ask me a question.

I don't care to ask.

Let me ask you this.

What have you guys done for the world lately?

Nothing.

What have I done?

Nothing.

Your own leaders have been killing their own people.

Well, look, what have y'all done but start?

But y'all ain't shit but warmongers.

Y'all ain't shit but warmongers.

All you guys do is, you're just a big minstrel show.

You haven't created anything.

You didn't do it.

You did it.

You guys are just a big minstrel show.

Everything, your technology, your technology that you use on me,

but you ain't done nothing.

What have you done?

What have y'all done?

It's been a big minstrel.

It's the white devil.

Where is the legion of slave black programmers that wrote Skype?

I want to meet them.

Name something that y'all have done

That y'all created

A big minstrel

All you people have done lately

It's a big minstrel show

Name something that y'all created

That y'all didn't steal from the slaves

How did we steal Skype from the slaves?

The technology

That's been done

He's talking about the technology

Where they used to take fucking cans

And connect them with fucking string

That wasn't the slaves

That's been done

Man, y'all are uncivilized.

Y'all are an uncivilized race.

Uncivilized?

You're the one where the monkeys fucking sling and poop at each other.

No, we can prove who the monkey was.

Look, let's see who had the first civilized people.

I'd take a picture of a monkey and put it next to us and then put it next to you.

Let's see who was civilized.

Was black people civilized?

Was black people civilized before whites?

No.

What did you go get your knowledge from?

Don't come tell me it was from Greek.

You went over into Africa and you burnt down, you stole those lives.

You didn't even know how to build a world.

Huh? What?

You didn't know how to build a world.

Y'all didn't have no carpets.

We didn't know how to build a world, but we sure as fuck knew how to build some boats

and take your asses over there and then ship you over to America and put you into slavery.

Okay, well, you know what they say.

The scripture must be fulfilled.

A black man built that boat.

Taught y'all how to navigate.

Ain't that a dick?

What the fuck?

You're a motherfucking liar.

That's a scripture.

What the fuck?

Man, a black man taught y'all how to navigate a boat and read the compass.

Do your history.

Did he have some 20s on that fucking boat?

Sir, sir.

Taught y'all how to navigate and read a compass.

Sir, sir, sir.

Y'all didn't know shit.

Sir, sir.

All you did were create AIDS and welfare.

Y'all did not know shit.

A black man.

No, man.

You still don't know shit, man.

It's the first of the month.

It's like this, man.

Y'all are weak.

we don't know what we're doing we've had you guys on our blue waffle show for the last what two

three months now and you have yet to prove anything to us and you ain't got us

this is the blue waffle show and we've you actually on our front page and everything

thing we have links check this out me and him have been me and him been the realest we'll meet

y'all anywhere and show our faces y'all won't why don't you why don't you you hide a case

you hide a case and all of that i challenge i want that only thing i want to ask you was this

can you prove to me in scripture that you are that y'all are god people oh snap i think

Where are these goddamn caves?

Can you prove the same for yourself?

No, but I got a five spot.

I ain't got no proof of it, because we're straight descendants.

We are straight descendants.

We are straight descendants from the God.

No, no, no, he's right.

They are fucking descendants from the God, known as the Devil.

Yeah.

Fucking black creed.

No, you are, you are, you are.

Do you even know where God came from?

That's not a good argument.

I mean, don't just...

No, I...

Hold on, hold on, dude.

Where did God come from?

Hold on, now, listen.

Do you even know where God came from?

Yes.

He came from Compton, I feel like.

Yes.

Where did he come from?

Midichlorians.

Planet X.

I'm listening to you.

Where did he come from?

Like Connecticut or something.

God is a force that binds us together and brings us all together.

It's the midichlorians that exist in all of our blood.

That is God.

You don't...

No, a drop of blood came all over the children.

One drop of the white man's blood is equal to a billion drops of the black man's blood.

You know, don't you want to think so bad, but you know better than that.

All of everyone's days are numbered.

Everybody has to die sometime.

Yeah.

I mean, what, you think you're immortal or something?

Let's keep it civil, which I know you can't keep it civilized.

Show me.

If you say you are, what the fuck?

Prove it to me in script.

The Jews.

The Jews are the sons of God.

The Jews ain't no damn son of God.

Yes, they are.

They're the superior

Give me a scripture to show me

It says the Jews are the son of God

The Jews are your brothers

It kicked their ass

In the bible

In the bible it says the Jews are the son of God

Jews are black

Jews are black since he want to say that

Jews are black

They don't look black to me

All the Jews that I know don't look black

The original Jews was black.

That's because that Johnny come late me.

Yeah, you damn right.

So where are the black Jews at?

Where'd they go?

We're in a modern day country.

Black y'all do anything.

Listen, name one race, name any race that really like y'all, that get along with y'all, that don't want to kill y'all.

Armenians.

Man, they don't like y'all.

Don't know about other countries like Armenians.

I'll tell you what, this much.

If you step your ass out of the United States, if you go, you better spend Europe and Russia and Australia as far as you go.

You can't go anywhere without getting pulled over and harassed.

Yeah, I mean, because we're born in equity.

We're born in the white man war.

So wait a minute, you're telling me...

It ain't nothing but a few more days and you'll see.

Listen, explain this to me.

so you're telling me you as an

American Negro if you were

to go to Africa

I'm not an American Negro because

I'll never be an American Negro

yeah but if you go to Africa they hate you

they

you guys you

Asiatics that live in the United States

if you step foot

in Zaire or anything like that

you're hated

some of them don't like us but they accept us

they accept us

check this out

No, they can't go to Russia.

Shit.

They can't go to Russia.

Nobody liked him.

Look, we're all in the same boat together.

And you said you're a Christian, right?

Yes.

No, he was a Jew.

And he was white.

No, he was not white.

Have you seen a picture of Jesus?

Yeah.

Well, you just said yourself that what's in the Bible isn't true.

So then you must be wrong.

He must be white, not black.

No.

Yes.

You know your thing now.

Just laugh at that.

Do you get any help from the government?

Like, do you work, or how do you get by?

No, I ain't got no help from the government.

So where do you work, at a bookstore?

And y'all out of Lazy.

We save the world from the Nazis, the Germans.

The Nazis, the Germans.

Yeah.

You and Nick, listen, any time America talk about they going to help somebody,

it's always the motive behind it.

They either want something over there, or it's something behind it.

They want some resources.

That's it.

But you guys don't have any.

You need to do, you need, let's get into the scripture.

horse horse horse horse horse horse horse horse horse it was a pale horse and the rider was

but yeah horse black horse and a horse let me ask you this we're not talking about we're talking

about what we're talking about human beings y'all are teachers teachers y'all can't wait

well let me ask you this what if since you know so much about revelations and please don't interrupt

Interrupt me. Please don't be rude and interrupt me, okay?

Don't you be rude when I'm...

All right, well, listen.

What does Revelation say about Jesus when he comes back?

What does he look... What is he?

When Jesus comes back, he's going to be black.

No, no, no, no.

It says he came as a white horse.

And what was his name?

Yes, it does.

In Revelations.

Jesus ain't never been...

Yes, it does.

The white horse, the white whatever.

Jesus, the Lamb of God, Lion of Judah, Jesus Christ came before him,

and he was a white horse, and his name was Death, and hell followed with him.

No, you can't pick and choose what's in the Bible to make what you know better

than the evilest of the white people, the evilest of the Muslim people.

By the time it got in the white people's hands, they tampered with it.

It was tampered with.

Danny, y'all tampered with it.

Oh, so you want to pick and choose.

King James was a faggot.

Faggot.

Challenge him.

Y'all live with me.

Y'all have killed the king.

You asked me to prove Revelation 6-1-2.

I watched as the Lamb opened the first of the seven seals.

I heard one of the four living creatures saying a voice like thunder,

Come and see.

I looked, and there before me was a white horse.

its rider held a bow

and he was given a crown

and the black horse ran away

and it says the black horse ran away

he was scared of the white horse

because the

horse

Horse, horse, horse, horse, horse, horse, horse, horse.

The black horse.

It wasn't Adam.

It was.

Horse.

No, I don't know a horse.

Horse.

You ain't know nothing about that.

The truth in the Bible, it says horse.

horse a white horse was the good horse and the black horse was the evil horse and he ran away

and he jumped off the cliff the horse jumped off the cliff yes it does yes it does and it said

there was going to be a chosen one the chosen one came to bring balance to the force the horse

the black horse came i just told you the black now what are you saying the white horse came to

to bring balance to the force.

No, I didn't.

You're lying.

Oh, well, it's true.

Give me the scripture.

Give me the scripture where you say the Bible came and bring balance.

I'm going to break out the Bible myself because I know you're lying.

What scripture?

Star Wars, Episode 3, Revenge of the Sith.

Man, he ain't talking to me.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, you're bullshitting.

Look, you got the Bible there in front of you.

Look it up.

Revelations 9-2.

It don't bring no balance or no justice.

Yes, it says he was going to bring balance.

It says he opened the pit of the abyss.

There you go.

See?

What that got to do with, uh...

It don't say that.

Think of it.

The black man is the abyss.

And the white horse came and he opened it up.

He don't know what he talking about, man.

It's true.

Yeah, yeah.

He's bullshit.

Now, I can tell you this much.

Let's get this right.

When Cain and Abel...

No.

Hello?

Yeah, I'm listening.

God damn it.

You shit.

that was the first dysfunctional family that was the first issue thank you y'all listen y'all been

dysfunctional through history y'all this lady asked me this white lady i'll say why don't the

black guys leave the women they got that from y'all y'all y'all used to leave y'all mothers and

fathers to leave y'all in a minute listen i'm up against a hard break we're gonna have to take a

a break on the show i don't know break won't break your motherfucking face i'm gonna break

your mouth boy what are you talking about break you ain't gonna break nothing you talk to me like

that i'll show the doors off your ass i'll show you some respect there young man what are you

talking about i'll show you some respect i'll show you some respect with my with my a baseball

bat i'll hit you in the head with a baseball bat and i'll pull out what you wish i want that

baseball bat yeah i'll stick it up your ass and i'll pull your pants out in front of your friend

in there. Man, you're a brick and

saw barrier getting the fuck out. Yeah, well

listen, there's a lot of proof that the two of you

take showers together to save water. Explain that.

Visit us,

everyone who's listening, the Blue Waffle

Show, bluewaffle.net. Hey, you ain't got

no Blue Waffle Show. Bluewaffle.net.

That's our show.

Bag of shit, I bet you. No, it's not. Don't you

say that word either. I'm not...

You say that word.

Don't you say that word.

No, I'm not even going to take you to break

and come on back because I need

ain't something for you to stand on because every shit you've been saying is shaky ground

will you put on nothing i i challenge you and your friend to go to our go to the show website

bluewaffle.net and prove prove that prove this all this information because we're never going

to get anywhere this way blue what why we're not we're not wanting them to say bluewaffle.net

he's going to go to the website you show me i can tell you i can tell you this much right now

Now, why don't scholars, why don't scholars the shit you're saying?

The old people that have been fought in black, you came from black.

Look, I got to take a shit.

Well, you go ahead and do that.

I know your ass, Lose, because you's a fuckboy.

There you go.

What else you got to say?

Don't fall right out, man.

That's some nasty shit.

Some girl on here with a pussy.

Nah, I don't put it down.

Did you go to the website, stupid?

Did you go to the website?

Your mama.

Your mama, too.

I'm going to fuck your mama.

I'm going to fuck your mama when she's in Vegas.

You know she come to Vegas.

Blue Waffle?

I can tell you this much.

You don't know your world coming to an end.

I ain't even got to even keep telling you that.

Because you're going to look around and see.

Okay, I'm waiting for that.

America is not nothing that she used to be.

Your forefathers said they trembled for God's sake.

Okay, all right, bye.

Bye, faggot.

I thought you wanted to talk.

Faggot.

Don't kill yourself.

because i thought you wanted to talk no not anymore because you guys are completely wrong

you guys make no sense i mean bye okay let me ask let me ask you this yeah man you say jesus

gave his life for everybody right i did not know huh no i don't believe that i know you don't

believe that because you think you look at me look at me look at me black man have been

nailed to the state no it's any goddamn worse than jesus burnt listen and all of that have you

Do you know the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?

Have you heard about that?

Darth Plagueis the Wise.

Do you know the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?

Dark what?

Darth Plagueis the Wise.

Tell it.

Huh?

Tell it.

P-L-A what?

P-L-A-G-E-I-S.

Hey, this is the crazy shit right here.

When they get a white cake, it's a white angel cake.

but when it's black

it's a death cake

all the shit

that you don't

wish to wow

that ain't gonna

get it to you man

you don't know

nothing

but man

you're not no god

of this world

all blacks

all blacks are gay

you had

you had the cake

black man gave you

you made the mother

fly

all blacks are gay

no all whites are gay

ok bye

shut the fuck up

alright

uh

everyone's gonna

sit for Ted Webb

Ted Webb thanks for

being on man

I just I can't anymore

more i'm leaving see you later buddy ted webb run once ted webb won twice no more ted webb all right

then we're done with that let me call milkman back one last time i never called him back from

the last time we lost him oh boy i can't he probably is still talking chelsea please enjoy

the following music while your party is being reached david koresh will be deemed the new

scene good point bookaboo it is fucking like hey milkman hey i'm sorry man i'm ending the show

but I just wanted to call back

say it was good having you back on my brother

alright bro I'm doing good man

you okay? yeah

alright well I'm tired man

alright we'll get some rest man

I told you to give me a call when I talked to you Friday

and you never called me back last week

you were busy oh no that was not a good time

I was busy last week

what time can I call you in the morning

like 5 o'clock your time are you going to be up still

you think or not

no I got a call

At 7.45 in the morning you have to work?

I got a call, yeah.

Can I call you like at 9 o'clock your time?

Yeah, give me a call back right around about that time,

because I'm going to come back and lay down for a while,

because I got a workplace tomorrow.

All right, well, everyone in the chat room is saying they love you

and they'll take care and take it easy, all right?

All right, man, cool, bro.

All right, man, love everybody, man, peace.

Take it easy, buddy.

See you later, man.

All right.

All right, talk to you later.

See you, man.

All right, everybody, the show's over.

We've run late.

I have to work tomorrow, and I did want to get a little bit of Skyrim time in there,

but I probably won't now.

Yeah, Milkman did sound sad.

Wanted to thank everyone real quick who donated tonight and sent in numbers.

Lonesome Loser, thank you.

Everyone who was on the show.

KDK, it was great having you back on, man.

I know I was sandbagging you, as you said.

I didn't mean to.

I was trying not to.

But that's kdkpranks.com.

That's his website.

Blue Planet Prank.

Blue Planet Pranks.com.

That's that one right there, yeah.

And cactiradio.com, where we've been on tonight also.

Yes, so thank you to everyone who helped out tonight.

Much appreciated.

Numbers, donations, everyone in the chat room.

For what it's worth, this show will be on the podcast probably sometime this weekend,

so look out for that.

DarkStoneGerman, I'll show him my titties.

You show your titties.

You show your titties first.

Show us your kooka.

He actually went to Blue Waffle.

I like that.

BlueWaffle.net.

It's like, man, they got some girl pussy over here.

All right.

Good night, everybody.

Y'all have a good weekend.

Talk to you later.

Bravo.

Calls (24, 1 h 29 min of 3 h 11 min)

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