Catchup

That is exactly how I feel tonight.

Good evening, everybody.

Madhouse Radio.

Carlito on the air here.

Your host for the evening.

Early start to the show tonight.

Figured why not.

With me here as always is the Milkman.

How you doing, my brother?

I'm doing good.

Thank you, sir.

I can hear your melodious tones.

You're sounding healthy.

See, I'll do it in wonderful.

Melodious.

You have something amazing in store for us, right, my friend?

I am melodious today, yes, and that's amazing.

Lots of amazingness.

I've got a good friend here with me from Germany.

He's in town here.

And, yep, yep, let's give him a shout-out.

Say hello, buddy.

That's my friend from Germany, everybody.

What's your name, buddy?

I'm here.

All right.

Yes, we got him.

All right, that's good.

Good, I'm glad to hear your friend from Germany on the line.

That's awesome.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to offend.

Do not take offense.

Don't take offense.

We're just silly.

No, we don't take offense.

We love Germany, man.

Yeah, we do love Germany.

Germany's a nice country.

Good beer, good women, respectful women.

Oh, my God, man.

If I get lucky enough to get a German girl, man, I will be having a good time.

I'm planning on drinking a lot of beer tonight, gentlemen.

Oh, yeah, that's beer.

Yes, sir.

Milkman, you go get yourself a six-pack and drink it driving around.

you know i like that right you know i love beck that's one of my favorites becks yes i didn't

know i thought you liked that other one i thought you like uh oh what is it that one

irish beer what was it you used to talk about oh yeah okay there's another one i like that's

the english beer uh what the hell was that you used to say all the time three words in it what

was it you know i'm talking about someone in the chat room needs to remember the brown ale it was

some brown ale. Yeah, you're always like

Pabst Blue Ribbon. Not Pabst Blue Ribbon.

What the hell was it?

Oh, UK Ted.

You gotta be from 2006 to know.

You gotta be an old time. 2005-06.

Milkman used to

always talk about a beer he used to drink.

New Castle. New Castle's brown ale.

That's it, my friend. What was it?

You can see I haven't been drinking for a long time.

It was white. Wasn't it something castle?

New Castle. Yeah, yeah. New Castle's brown ale.

Thank you so much, pal.

Here, go eat your shit, man.

All right, my buddy's off.

He's back to the great blue ocean.

Yay.

Good deal.

We got a lot going on.

I can't believe that, man.

Isn't that awesome, man?

A German sailor.

I'm telling you, a German sailor.

Hey.

We got a lot of requests of pranks here that come in.

People are slowly starting to filter in here.

Yeah, man, because we started.

We usually don't start the show for like another half hour from when they started.

We're supposed to start at 10.

Man, I usually don't get the ball rolling until 10-15, but not this week.

Hey, man, we are early.

We're in there.

We're ready to roll.

So everybody, hold on to your sheets, man, because we're going to rattle them.

We're going to have a good show tonight.

That's right.

I wanted to mention, I've been having a lot of fun.

Brad knows about this, RBCP Milkman.

I don't know if you heard.

There's a bit of confusion on Twitter, on the Twittersphere,

because I was the early adopter on Twitter.

Twitter, rather.

I jumped on Twitter really early before it got really big.

So I took out the Twitter name Madhouse.

And if you want to follow me there, we're on Madhouse.

Madhouse on Twitter.

We always say that here on the show.

So there is a retail store in England, I suppose, named Madhouse also.

It's like Madhouse Clothing.

They sell decent clothing at a cheap price or something like that from what I understand.

I don't know.

but they have they they infuse a lot of humor to their shirts and stuff like that you know and then

um so they had a men's pair of chinos uh that um apparently some woman blogger found out she was

looking at a pair of it she looked at the label you know that has the you know they had the label

on there it tells you how to wash it so wash your chinos well yeah i guess i don't know well if you

you don't know how to wash leather i don't know well whatever but look so it says on it like you

know do not iron machine wash you know tumble dry etc etc and then and at the very end it says or

give it to your woman because it's her job so there you go no sense you know having some humor

or so this uh blogger woman got really upset about it she wrote an article and then but here's all i

know is i log in on wednesday to twitter just to check it out see what's going on and i've got like

a whole bunch of tweets like mentions and stuff and all of them are like you know how dare you

and your show you know your your your pants this and your sexist pants your sexist trousers and

And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, ladies.

Like, what the fuck is you talking about?

The fuck did I do?

So I'm thinking, well, somebody ran with the prank call.

We have man pants.

We have a prank call where I was really very anti-woman, very chauvinistic, very sexist.

And I told the woman, you're wearing the man pants.

But then I find out, no, what's going on is that this woman, she blogged about it.

and she tweeted about it about her article that she wrote and then she put at madhouse as the

company so she's she's attributing me my my twitter as the fucking company i'm like whoa

wait a minute hang on an identity man proximity effects somebody trying to move in on our

patented trademark yeah so then i ran with it and i started i started tweeting out like i was

the company i was like yeah um what did i say i got a bunch of people really pissed off and i'm

I'm still, even today, I've been getting a bunch of tweets and mentions and stuff.

What did I say?

I said Brad was looking at it.

It was pretty funny.

He was jumping in on it, too.

I'd have to, let me get on TweetDeck here real quick and see.

Yeah, I had, one of them that I did was, seriously, girls, our pants label was a joke.

By the way, it is dinner time now.

Shouldn't you be in the kitchen making dinner?

And a lot of people have been retweeting that and complaining about that.

I put that we apologize.

apologize what did i put down we apologize due to the fact that women have lost focus on their

biblical roles in our ruining society with their free will and that's been retweeted by a bunch of

people and uh replied to by a bunch of people a lot of people a lot of women upset about that

i also tweeted out women are best suited to cleaning cooking and baby making that being

said our lawyers say we are sorry about the labels um a lot of them really upset about that

so then one of them that i did um i tweeted the blogger directly and i and i basically all i

tweeted to her was simmer down lady no simmer down little lady is what i said to her simmer

down little lady and then like about 10 seconds later there's some feminist blogger like hardcore

liberal feminist fucking blogger who's like did at madhouse did at madhouse seriously just

to call her a little lady you know you know like blog that to the world oh my god yeah

It's just the case for Nunu to get some time for it.

He always gets in on that, yeah.

So it became this whole big mess.

It's still going on.

So everyone follow Twitter.

The hashtag is sexist trousers.

If you go to Twitter, sexist trousers.

And be sure to put a mention there for at Madhouse

because I'm sure we've been probably getting...

And we've got a lot of supporters.

A lot of supporters.

A lot of people have added, started following Madhouse on Twitter,

have voiced their support for my trousers, my pants.

Is this our clothing line or is this the actual show line?

I guess we have a clothing line now.

It's hilarious.

There you go.

Yeah, but how funny is it that if Madhouse,

and I said this in the forums on madhouselive.com,

if we had a clothing line,

that's exactly probably something that we would sneak in there on the label

to give it to your woman.

It's her job to clean it.

So there you go.

But, yeah, I've been having a lot of fun with that.

So that's a little something I wanted to share with you

I'm sorry women

All the women out there

It's just a joke when I say stuff like that

Like my wife is cracking it

My wife loves it

She thinks it's the most hilarious thing ever

She's been following it with me this whole time

She knows this is a joke

We're good

Well the explosive responses

That's what brings the real joy to it

At first I thought

What did they find out

Because I'm sure I've said

I think we need to play that prank now

The man pants then

While I get things organized here

Let's play a classic Madhouse prank

Called the man pants

This will explain our position here

At Madhouse

Yeah like post a link to the prank

Yeah I should right

You're right I'll do that

Anyway folks

We'll play this prank from

This is one of the visions of Madhouse

Madhouse Incorporated

Exactly.

This is from 2009, The Man Pants.

Have a listen.

I was getting ready to hang up and call back, sir,

because I haven't been put on hold so much,

and I've been demanding to speak to the chef, the head chef in charge.

He's the person that takes the responsibility when it comes to steak and food.

I'm the general manager, sir.

That's nice, honey.

Can I speak to the man in charge there in the kitchen, please?

I'm happy to assist you.

I'm the general manager, so I've managed a whole restaurant.

That's nice.

So I will take full responsibility of everything.

That's nice, honey.

You just sit there and be pretty.

It's okay.

but go ahead and put the um

actually yeah that's the six i quoted

that prank in one of my tweets

to the feminist lady i i said

i said i said you just sit there

and be pretty honey it's like and she's

like honey sweetie little

lady give me more give me more ammo

she's like i'm writing a she's like i'm

gonna write a horrible blog article on your

company and then some

someone some guy was like hey

you're so stupid don't you see he's trolling you

on the phone again please

necessary at this point in time

and he doesn't deal with any kind of guest complaints,

I would be more than happy to do so.

Well, who cooked my steak then?

Who's in charge of cooking back there?

Because this is the person I need to speak with.

We've got to get to the root of the problem.

Not dealing with red tape with women answering the phone wearing man pants.

This is unnecessary.

I'm trying to assist you.

I'm on your side here.

But making derogatory comments about me because I'm a female is unnecessary.

Take off your man pants, woman.

Tell me what reservation you were on.

This is Valente, and I came with a party from Valente and Associates.

And for the fifth time, I've gotten the messed up order with this take.

I command you to apologize to me.

As a matter of fact, I want you to bring Fernando to the phone.

And I want him to say, I'm sorry, into the speakerphone.

Do you have speakerphone there, honey?

Oh, God.

Do you know how to use it?

Wow.

This is going well.

This is Ted Song.

Hi.

Who are you holding for?

I'm holding for the head chef man in charge.

Who am I speaking with?

This is the regional manager.

My name is Kim.

What is your name, sir?

That's nice, honey.

This is Valente.

I need to speak to the chef, please.

There's a gentleman there I was working with before.

The chef passed your phone call along to me.

That's nice, honey.

Can I speak to your gentleman?

Could you not call me honey, please?

What's your name, sir?

This is Valente.

Valente is your first name?

That's right, sweetie.

Okay.

Please don't call me sweetie.

She's on top of things, right?

Please don't call me honey.

Don't call me sweetie.

what can I help you with

I'm a little upset that I've come in for the fifth time

and the steak is coming out

in an inappropriate state

of being cooked incorrectly

blood coming from the steak when it's been ordered

medium well

and listen this is disgusting

you know what it looks like to me

I used to follow a strict diet regimen

where you had to eat the food

and it's absolutely not supposed to be raw

because it's

I'm not going to mention it but it's certain passages in the bible

I don't know if you have a Bible there.

I always have a Bible with me in my house, in my vehicle.

I even have a small Bible that I bring with me sometimes when I know I'm going to be sitting waiting for to see the doctor

or to play the lottery in the gas station or something like that.

So what is this?

What is your name?

My name is Kim Owen.

Okay, big Kim.

So my deal here, what I don't like is the fact that I was talking directly with a person who I feel needs to make these corrections

for when I come in and hopefully this doesn't happen a sixth time.

And now all of a sudden I'm being talked to by women over there

that are telling me that I can talk to them,

that are refusing to put me through to the person who messed up my steak.

I just want to have a conversation with him because I want to teach him.

I want to teach Fernando over there how it is you're supposed to make the steak.

Well, Fernando, quite frankly, was feeling rather disrespected

because you were yelling, as was the general manager.

And I happened to be in town this evening, so she passed your call along.

I happened not to yell at anybody until I started getting the runaround from that lady.

I never raised my voice to Fernando.

And if you say that, then someone is lying.

And I have a feeling it might be you making up stories right now,

trying to dissuade me from the situation, sweetie.

And I don't appreciate it.

I don't appreciate this, sweetie.

Well, you know, what are you, a regional manager, your assistant to the regional manager?

No, I'm the regional manager.

Is there a man above you somewhere that I can talk to that happens to be there?

My CEO is the man that's above me.

Well, good.

He's the only person that's above me.

Does he happen to be in there coincidentally?

No, he's not here tonight.

Seems to me like I'm speaking to some random woman who's working there

who wants to impersonate that she's wearing the man pants here

and is a regional manager.

Right.

The regional manager just happens to be in on a Tuesday night.

Well, I happen to live in Las Vegas, so yes, I happen to be here on a Tuesday night.

Ridiculous.

You obviously do live in Las Vegas, and you're obviously new money.

I don't know what any of this means.

You don't know what new money is?

When you're ready to tell me what the issues are

and speak to me in a respectful manner

in the manner that I'm speaking to you in,

then we can talk.

So you can give me a call anytime.

That's nice, honey.

Do you want to write down my phone number?

I don't know why you'd want me to call you back.

I am a woman.

Well, once you calm down, you can call me back.

I'm very calm.

You're the one that's not calm.

Well, pass this number on to the man in charge of things over there.

Well, I will give him your information,

but I'm not quite sure that you're not going to get a phone call from him.

Then I'll call back in.

Where can I call him at?

Where is he at?

Huh.

Oh, you can leave a message for him here.

No, where's the corporate headquarters?

What's your last name, Valente?

Valente is all you need, Valente.

I'm with Valente and Associates, yes,

and I happen to be a CEO myself of Valente and Associates in Oklahoma City.

And I don't have a habit of coming.

I come here once a month to handle business,

and every time I come here and I get the most substandard steak

from apparent immigrants or something that was going on here

with these people that work here named Fernando and Gonzalez.

But now you're speaking offensively about race.

I'm Hispanic, sir.

I'm not going to put up with it.

Why don't you give me your phone number, and you can call me back whenever you calm down and stop racial slurs and feminine slurs toward everyone on my team here.

I'm not going to tolerate it.

What is your phone number, Valente?

405.

Yeah, 405-6.

That's a new number.

6-6.

Okay, cool.

And listen, honey, you just sit there and be pretty

and make sure you get that message out to the CEO as you said, honey.

Okay, sweetie?

Baby.

All right.

That's a firecracker right there.

That's the worst it's ever gotten on this show.

There you go.

That is the man pants.

Very appropriate prank.

And the girl will be.

Man pants.

I'm thinking about the women wearing the man pants all the time.

Right, Milkman?

What's this world come to?

There's no decency in the world anymore.

Anyway, well, ladies, if you're not totally turned off and offended now by the show,

be sure to check us out if you're listening for the first time or the second time even.

I am Carl Eater, your host, as I said before, Milkman Sear.

Usually later in the show we might pick up some more people on the conference

while we do prank calls and talk and shit.

MadhouseLive.com is the main website.

Be sure to visit that.

Subscribe to the podcast.

And, yeah, that really helps out, folks.

Also, links there for the YouTube channel.

And I would need your help, guys.

Last week we asked for some donations, and that was great.

This week, everyone listening to the show, if you give old Carlito a favor, give him a hand.

Subscribe to the YouTube channel, the Madhouse YouTube channel, Madhouse Radio on YouTube,

youtube.com slash madhouseradio.

Really would like to see more people.

Just subscribe to that to get the numbers up there at least.

And also click on the Like buttons on some of those videos that are there.

I uploaded, I believe, three of them this week.

And if you could help out, just leave a comment would be great.

Just hit the Like button on there just to try to boost those numbers up,

see if we can get the Madhouse name out there a little bit more.

That would be great.

And share that with your friends on the Twitter, the Facebook, whatever you got.

It all helps out.

I wanted to mention Tristan set up a bunch of, I think about three or four this week,

three or four since our last show, new Fiverr.com promotion videos,

including one with a horse dancing

which UK Ted seems to think

is the horse being abused

that's over on our Facebook page

so be sure to check that out

Madhouse Live Facebook page

links to that over there

in the Madhouse Live site

send in your request tonight

over at MadhouseLive.com

there is a request to prank form

that you can use

also if you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger

Madhouse Radio is my screen name

Madhouse Radio on AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger.

And if you're on MSN Messenger, madhouseatlive.com.

Milkman is here.

Milkman, how's your week been?

You sound a little more chipper this week.

Last week you sounded so depressed.

People mentioned you sounded sad last week.

You sound like you're in a good mood, man.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I'm doing good, man.

Things are looking up.

I've been keeping busy.

All right.

So, you know, the back computer got fixed, and that was enough to put a smile on my face.

And, you know, got off the co-op again.

I'm back in business.

We're redesigning the whole 2012 line, you know, for the update to the 2013 line.

Yeah, man, I'm doing great, man.

I'm happy to be live.

Good day.

There it is, a good day.

Happy to be live.

Madhouse live.

All right, good.

We got a taxi.

First prank of the night.

First prank request of the night comes from a gentleman named Moo Moo.

That's a cousin of Milkman's, Moo Moo.

Ask if they can pick up some beer for you and then drive it from the U.K. over to the U.S.A.

This is a taxi company in Bristol, England.

We'll give them a call now.

This will be the first prank machine of the night.

I think Tabachi's trying to call in, but I think I just X'd his call out.

Sorry, Tabachi.

Let me get you after this prank.

Yes, hello.

Taxi machine.

Yes, I am visiting in the United Kingdom.

Are you aware?

You're in Bath, correct?

No, we're in Bristol, sir.

Perfect, yes.

I need a drive from Bath to Bristol.

You need to drive from Bath to Bristol.

Do you pick up or do you only go the other way?

I can do it, sir, but it's not going to be quick for us, I'm afraid.

It would probably be better if I give you the number for the Bath company.

No, I prefer to stay with one company.

Yeah, I mean, it'll still be V-cars, sir, but it will be V-cars in Bath, not the one in Bristol.

Oh, well, can you take me from Bristol to the Bath?

I mean, we can take you from Bristol to Bath, that's not a problem.

Okay.

But getting one to Bath at the moment, you're probably going to be looking at probably about an hour.

Okay, now, is use of the shower also included with this, or just the commode, the toilet?

Sorry?

Is use of the shower also included or just use of the toilet machine?

Well, I mean, I just got new drivers that can go out to bath at the moment.

Oh, yeah, but once I get there, I just want to know,

does it include use of the shower and the bath or just the toilet machine to sit down?

Right.

Well, you obviously wouldn't be able to come to our company and do that,

so it would be wherever you're staying.

All right, but that's what I'm asking.

and this is, you know, you're with Bath, so you're going to take me to Bath.

So you want to go to Bath?

Yeah, they're going to take me.

One of your drivers will take me to a Bath.

They'll probably do, like, a body scrub and a massage and all that,

and I'll be able to use the toilet with them.

No.

Well, you're going, this is Bath, correct?

I'm in the hotel in Bristol.

That's a good question.

Hello?

Yes, how long is the line to use Bath?

Sorry?

How long is the line for the Bath?

How long will it take to get to Bath?

Where from?

From Bristol.

Whereabouts in Bristol?

I'm in the hotel.

I'm in the Hilton Hotel.

The what hotel?

The Hilton Hotel.

I'm an American.

The Hilton Hotel?

Mm-hmm.

Two seconds?

That's not bad.

Is that the one in the center of Bristol, do you know?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Going to Bath, you'll be looking about 35, 45 minutes.

Wow, 45 minutes of use of Bath?

Yeah.

All right, so that's enough to take a shower and use the toilet?

Yeah, yeah, all that.

Maybe you'll be able to have a shave and everything.

Okay, that's good.

All right, now, do you provide towels?

Yeah, we do.

Toilet rolls, shower gel, everything, shampoo.

Now, will the driver bathe me or adjust?

Yeah, for an extra fee, yes, he would.

What's the fee like?

Well, it is actually pretty expensive.

You're better off going to one of these massage parlors.

Well, that's the thing.

See, I want to do it on the up and up,

and these massage parlors are kind of dangerous.

I don't know.

They're not actually that bad.

Yeah, they're not actually that bad.

You want to go to Old Market if anywhere

There's like 20 of them right now

Let me ask you

Is there a code word that I have to know

For the driver

You know when it comes time

Do I just show him the cash first

Or do I agree to the price first

Yeah that's it

You just walk in there

They'll sit you down and ask you what you want

Tell you how much

And crack on with it

Seriously is there a massage place that does that

Yeah of course there is

Where can I go

Old Market, you want to go?

Old Market?

Yeah.

Are they Asian?

They are whatever you want them to be.

There's loads of them there.

All right.

And then, so, it's, I mean, they do the massage and all that?

Oh, yes.

The massage and more, mate.

Okay.

Now, is there a possibility I could drive one of the cars?

No.

No?

No, unfortunately not.

You need, like, a higher place for that.

A higher place?

Yeah.

What do you mean?

Like, a Europe car.

No, no, I want to drive a taxi.

You want to drive a taxi?

Yes.

first of all, you need to do your badge, then, mate.

Oh, I have a badge.

My friend Milkman's on the line.

Milkman has a badge.

Milkman.

Yeah, I mean, if you've done your badge, you'll be able to do that.

Tabachi has a badge.

Tabachi.

Yeah, brother.

Tell him about your badge.

Please, help me.

My badge?

Yes, your taxi badge.

All right.

All right, taxi badge 9711, keyword cactus.

You got cactus badge.

Hey, you know.

Well, he's gone.

That was stupid.

Yeah, it was just like a waste of time.

I know, yeah, it was a waste of time.

We're Milkman, come on, man.

You've got to warm up, though.

Yeah, but I'm talking to Milkman, trying to include him, and he's a taxi man.

He knows the lingo.

Yeah, I have no idea.

I don't even have a clue about taxi driving.

I don't know either.

I hate taxi drivers.

You can't even get one in New York City.

I've never been.

I'd be scared to get in a taxi in New York City.

That's like the only way to get around anyway, unless you walk, unless you hoof it.

Yeah, I just walk like hours and hours.

Get on the train, right?

Yeah, I guess, depending on where you're going to go.

You can't touch anything on a train.

You touch the handrails, you'll get AIDS, man.

Oh, yeah.

That's what I hear.

Yeah, definitely.

Do not touch anything.

And when you get on the train in New York, don't touch anything.

Lots of hand sanitizer.

And wear gloves.

In general, I just don't touch anything in New York City.

No.

A lot of AIDS out there.

That's where AIDS came from, New York City.

It came from Africa and then on the boat in New York City.

That's right.

Haitian.

All right, guys.

Well, I guess Milkman's probably with a customer,

so is this me and tabachi tabachi how you doing how about this weather day huh nice weather nice

day yeah it wasn't too bad it's i don't know okay i don't mind a little bit of winter it's been too

warm to be honest i'm over it i get way too cold man after the surgery it's been a fairly warm

winter so i don't know cold for me fuck that shit man colder than i'm used to but it's been my

coldest winter ever this year brother i know it's funny it's my coldest winter in my life ever and

And everyone here is like, oh, there's nothing.

It's so, so scratch.

Hey, Tabachi.

Yo.

I'll ask you this.

Settle an argument.

What's that condiment a lot of people put on French fries?

The what?

What's the condiment a lot of people put on French fries?

Do you know what that is?

Like fancy ketchup?

What is it again?

You know, the ketchup.

You said it.

It's a, yeah, Pennsylvanian term.

Ketchup.

Yeah, that's what they call it.

Ketchup.

i can't stand it ketchup i'm sorry man can't stand the people saying the ketchup i i insulted

someone that's why i hesitated i insulted someone today at work because i catch him

we can talk about ketchup you're like what the hell are you talking about

stupid fuck i forget what's what's the uh non-pennsylvanian term for that all right

here's another one now if you take a hamburger and you add barbecue sauce to it what do you call

that i

i don't know i don't have that stuff

yeah let's see someone they're telling not a big meat eater they're telling me around here it's

called hamburg barbecue i'm like what the hamburg barbecue oh yeah people say it yeah another one's

oatmeal they'll say like oak meal what i haven't heard that that's stupid yeah that's uh more of

a dutch thing you have to go into the valleys to hear that oh wow i heard people calling uh green

peppers mangoes that's another thing it pisses me yeah yeah some do mango usually from like the

hillbilly region mango that's a mango you dumb fuck mango mango's a fruit yeah well dumb fucks

up here man i like mango like the real mango it's like a sweet carrot that's exactly what it tastes

like it has a carrot taste but sugary all right well moving right along that was a taxi place that

was fun yeah it was mildly fun what it was ask if they can take we got a place here uh called

It's called St. Bon's Parish Club.

Ask if they could take a private booking for St. Bon's Parish Club.

Say you want to hire out their hall for some cross dancing.

What the hell is St. Bon's Parish Club?

Let me look that up for you.

Call it.

It's in England.

What's a parish club?

I have no idea.

I don't know.

I think that's a Catholic church.

I'll look that up for you.

A parish club.

Let's check it out.

It sounds like a Catholic church or something, right?

I don't know.

That's like P-A-R-I-S-H, right?

P-A-R-I-S-H, yeah.

Yeah, well, that's what I would think.

A parish is a Catholic church, and like in Louisiana, they call counties parishes.

I know that.

Yeah, that's exactly what it is.

It looks like they're usually located near colleges and universities.

Oh, here we go.

The world-famous St. Bonaventure's Parish Club in Bristol, United Kingdom.

They've got a website even.

Wow, look at that.

Oh, that's like the mother.

Yeah.

That's the mother.

That's the mother parish club.

The mother parish.

All right, good.

Well, let's call.

Oh, maybe Father McCord just can make a sign here.

Have you been doing anything for KDK?

He was really weird last week.

I mean, it was good to have KDK on last week.

It was actually kind of weird.

I don't know about that guy sometimes.

Well, I put a leg and an arm out recently,

and I started listening to his shows again.

I had to record them because I always pass out.

And I started editing them all since January 1st, like the good shows.

And he's definitely been different.

I can say that.

He needs to do a podcast.

I didn't want to throw any adjectives out there and offend him.

No, no, no.

Nothing like that.

I don't know.

I mean, I don't mind doing anything for him, but, yeah, you're right.

He needs to do a podcast.

No, it was his last week.

It was on the show last week, and it was his acting kind of, like, standoffish,

and I hope he's all right.

But I want to say, if you're listening to KDK, you've got to get in the podcast, man.

Do a podcast.

Yeah, we're working on that.

The first order of things is to upgrade the website.

Oh, God.

And it took me a long time to explain to him why he should be releasing weekly podcasts.

We were stuck back in 1990.

I'm like, people don't want to download prank CDs and individual pranks.

They want to hear a show every week or so.

I've been telling him that.

He's stubborn.

He's a hard nut to crack.

There's also stuff like hosting.

I can't host it.

I'm not going to pay for it.

Yeah, but he's got a good hosting plan.

He's got an unlimited plan.

He knows what to do.

Yeah, it's happening.

It'll probably be ready in a month or two.

Good, good.

Well, take care of my boy, KDK, all right?

You know, he's a special case, but God damn it, something wrong with the boy.

Speaking of something wrong with the boy, UK Ted's here.

Good, UK.

Woo!

What?

Hey, yo.

I have to say, I saw pictures of you, UK Ted, on the Facebook, and you're one handsome dude.

Dude, you got some good...

Am I being stalked?

No, no.

I was just accepting my friend request.

And I have to say, you know, it's true.

You never know what to expect behind the voice.

That is true.

You see a picture of me, you're like, ooh.

I'm going to take a picture.

No, I always pictured you, like, with the Hawaiian and Florida shirt and stuff.

Yeah, that's me.

I got the PLA shirt on tonight.

Store in Brighton.

you can't tell you ever been in madhouse pants yeah it's one in my town i'll send you a picture

tomorrow good hello is this the same oh i thought that was an answer shit number right yep no answer

there is it my mom is your mom are you calling my mom no no no not tonight not tonight all right

i'm gonna play jimmy hendrickson i think we got a man named mr pancake it says in quotation marks

real name. Mr. Pancake.

Ask him about pancakes

and poker. Gentleman lives in Bristol.

This comes in from Bonkers the

Donker. What's a donker, UK Ted?

Is that a real British word?

Bonkers Conkers? I don't know.

Donker. Bonkers the Donker.

Donker sounds like a curse word.

Sounds like a man that takes a shit in the toilet.

Why are you getting so many prank

hoos to Bristol? What if we go against

Bristol? There's a guy. I don't know.

There's a guy who hates me. I think he lives in Bristol

and gives us his friends. That's okay.

What do we do?

That's fair enough.

Fair enough.

I do what you guys tell me.

And I'm at your service.

You don't do what I tell you.

No.

What do you want?

You want ops?

You want ops again?

Is that what it is?

You're going to behave?

I did send a request to prank today.

Yay!

Welcome to messaging service.

The person you are calling...

Oh, God.

25 cents.

Gone.

Out the window.

That's a video game in the 90s right there.

God.

Let me op some people here.

Speaking of which, we're in a chat room right now.

Big Stalin's in the house

Tucker Mike

is in there

who talked

didn't listen

I said

Tuck

if I'm late

for the show today

if it's 1030

and I haven't done the show

then let everyone know

that I didn't make it

out of certain

I had a vision issue

and I went to the doctor

eye doctor

like around 4 o'clock

they called me

and said

well you need to come in

to get that checked out

I was sitting there

I was like

oh shit

I got a show tonight

they're probably going to

dilate my pupils

I won't be able to see shit

they're going to dilate my pupils

I won't be able to see shit

so i figured i might not be able to do the show tonight so i'll let him know hey if it's 10 30 i

don't show up you know it's because i couldn't see because of the eye appointment just temporary

let everyone know i'm not going to be showing up he gets on he gets on facebook and tells everybody

he's got merge house surgery no no talk but i'm okay i'm gonna have um there's a slight issue it's

not a big deal it'll probably be i got they put me on um on drops again on my one eye that i can't

can't see out of any way already so it's no big deal so is your night vision improved uh no i have

no night vision i wish i was i had night vision that'd be nice what are you trying to say what's

that movie where the guy or vin diesel could see at night and that was it what movie was that was

a good movie man that was like a 99 vin diesel perfect dark no that was a video game riddick

pitch black obx gold star for obx you got it right good work man awesome uh you have cataracts too

too, right? I have a cataract

in the eye that I can't see out of. A cataract, okay.

A cataract. That's what they do.

They confirm that's right. You know, it's interesting. People after

they get the surgery can see down

into the UVB spectrum.

Really? The cataract? Yeah, there's

actually a guy who scientifically

quantified it,

and it's pretty neat, and he, like,

took pictures and

tried to make them perceptually accurate

so you can get an idea of how things look to him.

I'll find that link for you sometime.

Yeah, alright, cool.

It's like human superpowers, man.

Sounds good.

I'll check that out.

Mikey129 was saying Riddick, and Ken once said Chronicles of Riddick.

I think that was the prequel, not what I was looking for.

That's why you...

That was June.

What are you talking about?

Months now?

Cataract?

June?

No, the film, June.

June.

Okay.

AMD's in the house.

Bookapoo.

Chelsea B.

Is Chelsea B really a girl?

I see pictures of a Chelsea B, and she looks like a girl.

Yeah.

Heck yeah.

There you go.

Chelsea B, I hope you have her back in this whole sexist trousers thing.

Dark Stranger, a woman in theory, so we're told.

She's here also.

Yeah, she's real too.

That's good.

Enigma 420.

We've actually seen her tits.

She hasn't showed her tits.

She talks about it.

She never shows it.

Has she?

Yeah, she did.

Really?

One night, it was like 2 a.m. in tiny chat.

She counts down and big flash.

I missed it.

She's saying, shh.

Hold on.

All right, good.

Holiday Spezza, Big Can Corrupt Corruption, Closso.

Closso.

Closso's here.

Closso's on PS3.

uh kokanee's here also hey kokanee how you doing kokanee kokanee uh curaz lucy fillmore has been

involved in the forums that's much appreciated everyone please get involved in the forums

mikey129 i was playing uh battlefield 3 with him on sunday or saturday i think that was fun i suck

mst3 clay in the house mpsa cobra obx uh pasquale pasquale rbcp royale with cheese sporty board

stay high tabachi zero also we've heard of him and uk dave uh who may be replacing uk 10 at some

point okay good luck good luck with that yeah good luck with that he says all right so new news here

and i'm expecting some uh requests of pranks and ideas from him also pretty soon uh enigma says he

wanted us to do in the call i forgot who it was to someone else uh he was uh mentioning someone

I'm going to switch to prank call.

I'm forgetting now.

Not Enigma.

D12 M&M.

Hey, Carlito.

Wanted to ask and forgot to ask.

Is it okay for me to host your prank call?

Sure.

Host it.

Whatever.

Just be sure to credit manhouselife.com.

That's all I ask.

Don't credit Carlito.

Nothing.

Just credit the author of the website, manhouselife.com.

That's all I care about.

Also talking about changing the banner on the website.

Oh, nice.

That'd be nice.

You're talking about the fist logo, right?

Yeah, the fist logo.

That's in need of an updating.

Yeah, I agree.

Definitely need to be updated there.

Is it any coincidence that it looks rather similar to the Howard Stern fist?

No, actually.

I'm just curious because I know you're quite the fan of him.

I thought that once.

Been more of a fan in the past, not as much now.

No, actually, that fist logo, Tuck made that in 2005 before Howard made the jump.

Yeah, so actually our fist logo probably about six months earlier, I would say.

I think at least a few months before they debuted the Fist logo for the Howard channels.

Coincident? Coincident enough.

But, yeah, I get that question sometimes.

Sometimes I see it and I'm like, people probably think that's a Howard thing.

Like, I'm trying to be like Howard.

And I'm not.

That's Tuck's.

I figure not.

Yeah.

The story with that is Tuck was designing a T-shirt to sell on Cafe Press.

And he had Shea Guevara's face on it.

And it said, MadhouseLive.com, resist oppression.

impression and they came around and said you can't use that picture uh because the it's that

famous picture of shaker bar with the with the beret with the star on it it's all over the place

everyone wears and in hindsight i really don't like that image i don't like it a lot of people

wear that and shaker bar would never be into people wearing his own sheet t-shirt if you

think about it it's against what he would be standing for i would never when it's made in

in a sweatshop and sold in Gap for $25.

Exactly, yeah.

That's totally against what he would go for.

But anyway, they came back and said no

because the person who snapped that photo,

some French guy, he's in the media.

He says he dislikes the fact that people wear that image

for the same reasons that I just mentioned,

and he actually actively goes out and sues people

or tries to get it taken down.

He's against it.

Got it.

So he said, you know, Cafe Press said,

you know, you got to change it.

So then Tuck said, eh, he took a picture of his fist with his webcam and he put it in instead.

And that's Tuck's knuckly fist is what we call it.

That's the little acronym, the little background name for it.

It's called the knuckly fist logo.

And that's Tuck's sexy knuckles on that logo right there.

Gotcha.

There you go.

There's a story behind that.

Sportyboard's asking if you made any more progress on the prank call CD.

uh i've got a lot of prank calls to go through the problem is i have so many to go through i'm

trying to pick the best i'm i'm meticulous like if i'm going to do a prank call city i wanted to

be sure it's a good it's got a flow it's got to have a theme to it you know i produce a prank

call c yeah i don't want to just want to throw pranks on there and just for to throw them on

there i want to make it the best of the pranks we've got and they should kind of have a theme

to go with each other so i've got like a list of i think i'm down to 40 out of all the prank

prank calls, and every once in a while I sit down and I go

to the mall.

You can put together an entire CD's worth

just of UK wake-up calls.

Probably could. It never gets old.

And I'm thinking about that. I am thinking of just a UK

version, yeah. But what I got is

I go to the website,

the Prank Vault, and I went through

the whole thing one week.

And I bookmarked all the ones. Okay, this one could make it.

This one could make it. I made a bookmark. So I got a

bookmark folder in Google

Chrome. I start off with like 50

pranks. And then every once in a while I sit down and I go

through them and i i unbookmark the ones i throw out you know and you know i'm whittling it down

and when i get down to like 20 of them uh that's when i'll make the cd so it's a slow progress

i've only been working on it for like four or five years uh but then i'll have to i'm not going

to make a i had once done the whole thing where i was burning the cds here and i would autograph

them and send them out uh too much work too much money too much time i just don't have the time

I'm just going to make it a free MP3 download CD.

It's not a priority.

It's just not a priority.

Oh, of course not.

I get to it when I can.

You know.

Anyway, I'm talking a lot.

We need to do more pranks.

See if we've got any more requested pranks here.

And we do.

UK Ted's requested prank is here.

Joey's Pizza.

This is a pizza place in Brighton.

Tell them that you are walking home from the beach and want pizza delivered to your house.

Say you want to collect the pizza at their shop and use the free delivery as a taxi home.

What?

Wait a minute.

Explain this.

You can't explain this.

I'm sorry.

Okay, well, actually, I tried this a few weeks ago.

I was walking home from the beach to my house, and I was walking past a pizza restaurant,

and I saw that it did free delivery, so I thought, if I just buy pizza, then deliver

it to my house, but take me with the pizza, you know?

Oh.

So I get pizza and free taxi.

I like it.

So what do you do?

It wouldn't do it.

They absolutely refused.

They would not do it.

And I think that's completely unreasonable.

It's totally reasonable what you're asking for.

I don't see what the point is.

It's like I'm paying for pizza.

I'm also paying for the delivery, essentially.

And they're driving to my house, but they won't let me sit in the car.

What's the point?

Yeah.

You know, why not do it?

And I understand.

Nunez was explaining to me the price of petrol, gas, whatever you want to call it.

It's expensive here.

and apparently it comes out to like

double the price over there in the UK

at least

$6 a gallon

holy shit

$6 a gallon in comparison

to what we pay, well we're out to like almost $4

I think we're at $4 just about now

it's like $11 in Sweden

$11 a gallon

yeah but those people don't drive

out there, but that's the whole thing, you think if there's less demand

for the fuel, why are they charging so much

for it, right?

maybe people do drive in Sweden

I could be wrong.

Yeah, then again, they do get

the government subsidizes their bus tickets

and shit.

Their cars are taxed 150%.

Holy shit.

Alright, we're calling the pizza place. Good idea, UK Ted.

I get it now.

I suspect they might be closed, but it's worth a try.

Invalid phone number.

I think I copied it wrong.

Oh, it needs the...

You need to remove the first zero.

I wasn't sure if I needed to format it or not.

I haven't used the request to prank in a while.

That's all right.

I can do it.

Remember the first zero on the NAD?

What is it?

Plus 4-4 or just 4-4?

Yeah, 4-4.

0-1-1-4-4?

Here we go.

Got it now.

Noon is right.

Yes, I was watching the gays on the beach.

Nice.

That's the gay beach, right?

That's the gay beach.

Still infallible phone number.

I don't know.

I saw it for a second.

I think you got too many digits in there.

Yeah, it looks like it is, right?

Let me go back again.

All right, so the number is originally this.

If I try just 4-4, it says Bermuda.

No.

I don't think that's it either.

I'm going to have to work.

Can you try to format it then?

Yeah, I'll put it in the chat.

I thought you knew how to call the UK by now.

Well, I just copy and paste it.

People do it for me.

I should be able to.

At some point I did and then I forgot.

Try that one.

What did you put in the chat?

No, I think the one you just tried is working.

It should work.

I've still got too many digits.

Damn it, man.

All right, well, we'll continue on.

Carry on.

You know, Nunu's usually pretty good at figuring that out.

Here, Nunu.

The one I just pasted.

What the hell is going on here?

Milkman, are you back yet?

Yeah, man.

I'm just waiting for everybody to quit talking, man.

I thought we were going to get a couple calls maybe in the next half hour.

We're not doing calls.

We're working on it, at least.

There we go.

Got it going now.

Nice.

They might be closed.

Waited too long.

I'll give it one more.

And no.

Nothing.

All right.

You probably ignore the phone when they're trying to close.

Yeah.

A lot of those places do.

They're like, oh, you know, busy.

Well, no, they had a shitty knife.

It was, oh, fuck it.

Yeah, Nunez says, I'm supposed to be replacing zero with 4-4, or plus 4-4.

Okay, I see.

And I think that's exactly what you did.

Yeah, I see what you did.

Okay, well, now I know.

Now I'll remember.

I thought I had tried that, but I guess not.

All right.

Nunez recommends for tonight for Indian restaurants,

order an increasing number of each item you list.

So one chicken tikka marsala, two papadums, three naans, four vegetable brinjas.

Oh, that's fun to do.

Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven.

Well, you think they'd catch on?

You know, I've done it with some Chinese places,

and it'd take, like, until I hit the fifth or sixth item

until they'd really catch it.

Exponential order.

Yeah, exponential, yeah.

Exponential.

Well, no, not quite, yeah.

Yeah, well, it's increasing exponentially.

It'd be like 1, 2, 4, 8, 16.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess.

You know what I mean.

I'm too tired to think.

Me too.

All right, lots of Request a Prankster coming in as well.

Let's see what we got.

Nice.

Thank you, peoples.

It helps out.

Thanks.

Makes the madhouse wheels churn.

I'm kidding.

Nothing worse than a dead show.

We got a P.F. Chang.

See, I never have really good luck with the P.F. Changs for some reason.

I never really go good.

But we do have a number here for a gentleman, Neil Rimmer, in the U.K.

Call him.

Say that I'm the Grim Reaper.

I don't know.

Meh.

This is going to...

I'll do it.

I'll try.

It's going to be a cell phone.

It's going to be expensive, so I won't do it for long.

There you go.

Welcome to Orange Alpha Phone.

It keeps sending in cell phone numbers.

They go straight to voicemail.

It costs me a quarter each time.

You got another one.

Ask him what the...

Hey, Cinder.

Dave wants them bum cheeks open.

Okay.

Someone told me to say that.

Okay.

Good.

There you go.

Lucy Fillmore wants us to call corporate security.

Let me look for that here.

I'm going to go into last week's numbers from Lonesome Loser

while we wait for him to show up.

up any uk number that starts with a nine or a seven is a mobile number is that how it works

that's a good system you guys have there we have no idea we have no organization when it comes to

cell phone numbers all right taking a look here what numbers are left over from last week i know

we had a few indian places we'll see if they bite here we'd like to try that increasing uh order

thing that nini was just mentioning these are from november holy shit all right fine i'll go

with these these are some numbers from november big ipad announcement i think i'm gonna buy that

that ipad i think i'm gonna do it next week week for tomorrow i'll be ipadding it up assume you

hear me sound excited yeah i am excited no i'm serious i'm gonna probably get the ipad okay

i wouldn't be excited no it looks nice it looks nice i'm telling you yeah i wouldn't know i

haven't checked it out yet what's the uh new features or what makes it um worthy of upgrading

uh well they they put the the retina displays on it so it's got i think the resolution is

2056 by 15

something.

It doesn't have a

quad-core processor. It has a

quad-core graphics processor.

I see. It retains

the iPad 2's processor, though.

It's an A5X

instead of the A5 chip.

It's an A5X

processor.

It's got that. What else do they do

with it? It's got LTE

now. 18T of Verizon LTE.

so 4G connectivity

I would only get the Wi-Fi version anyway

but it's got that

they've got that

Siri

only one way

it has Siri but only

for dictation

so you can read your text message

or email to it but it doesn't have the whole

Siri thing where it hits the server and answers

your questions and talks back

it doesn't have that yet and the reason for that more than likely

because their servers right now can't handle

the load they can't handle the load for the

the iphone uh siri they only have it on one of the iphone models and it's constantly going down

and being really slow oh i didn't know that wasn't like run locally on the device no no it goes out

to the web each time and those servers are bogged down a lot of times it's unavailable

um so everyone was everyone was expecting it not to really work out um so probably later when they

upgrade the servers infrastructure get some more servers i'll probably roll it out to the ipad

It's not even the iPad 3.

It's the new iPad.

Anyway, as far as I know, I think those are the only real upgrades to it.

But it's nice.

It's going to handle its own.

I think that new Asus Transformer tablet is more powerful than it,

but it's fucking Android, you know?

I mean, ugh, Android tablet.

Yeah, they have some serious fragmentation issues

with the way it ends up being deployed.

Yeah, I know.

I'm an Android phone fan, but the fragmentation thing is a problem.

and it's like here's the thing like ics ice cream sandwich got released in november right

announced in november right um there's only maybe two or three phones that have it and one tablet

right now but then they like just last i think this week two new phones came out and i'm watching

like you know an android blog android podcast and like yeah brand new android phones coming out

they're running you know gingerbread on and i'm like what the fuck you know you know i'm like

At this point, Google should be like,

if you're going to release an Android phone,

release Ice Cream Sandwich.

That's it.

They're making the fragmentation problem worse than it is.

They've got to get on the ball.

And so there's also carrier issues too now.

Manufacturing issues.

Carrier half services work differently.

I help people all the time with that.

Manufacturing issues also and all that.

That's true.

It's just a little too complicated, I think.

You have to be a computer science freak to understand it.

I like to think that by the time I can afford a decent phone, decent phones will be amazing.

They're pretty good now, you know.

They're almost at that point.

But they're still in their infancy.

It's all very new, very new thing.

All right.

Even though we've had them for years.

Enough tuk-tuk.

I'm doing a prank.

More pranks, let's talk.

Amen.

Milkman's making notes here, and he's right.

We need to talk less, more pranks.

And, Milkman, you get involved more.

Milkman's the number two guy here.

Yeah, man.

Hey, how you doing?

I like to make an order for food.

I'm here to make phone calls and not talk, okay?

I'm here to make phone calls and not talk on the phone about computers and technology all night.

You understand?

Hello?

Yes, please.

Yeah, I'm here to make an order not to talk and be friends on the phone, okay?

Okay.

All right.

So, one chicken tikka masala.

How spicy?

Super spicy.

Okay.

So spicy that it hurts after you go to the toilet.

And I want two pop-it-ums.

Please.

Two piece pop-it-um or two order pop-it-um?

Two orders.

Two orders, okay.

Three naans.

Yes.

Three naans.

Four vegetable biryani.

Okay.

Need five orders of pilau rice.

How many orders?

Five.

Okay.

Six aloo saags.

Order saag aloo, okay.

Uh-huh.

How spicy?

Medium spicy, not too spicy.

Okay.

Seven lamb roganjosh.

For how many people?

Seven orders, please.

please hello yeah hi i'm making an order damn it i'm not here to talk and be friends on the phone

okay go ahead uh one chicken tikka masala okay uh two papadums okay three naan three naan bread

four vegetable four vegetable biryani okay five pilau rice six aloo sags okay seven lamb rogan

on Josh. Okay. Eight chicken korma.

What do you have so far?

That's all.

Nothing else.

What do you have so far?

Can you read it back?

What?

Nothing else.

Chicken tikka masala, papad naan, veggie biryani,

pilau rice, saag aloo, lamb korma, chicken saag wala, dal makhani, everything.

Well, how many do you have of each?

I don't understand.

You're not writing this down.

Yeah.

You can pick it up within 20 minutes.

Well, I have more in order.

No, we have enough space to make.

I have one more.

One more thing.

No, thank you.

One sister and bancho.

Did he say he had enough spaces to make?

He didn't have enough spaces.

Isn't that funny?

Where did he go, man?

I mean, that was an awful quick disconnect.

I know.

He got it all.

He's been very hasty to get out the phone.

I got it.

Good point, Mark.

I'm going to call him back.

I just like the spaces.

That's too many spaces.

He just couldn't keep up with the order

So you know

Instead of going on any further

He just hung up

Hello yes I was calling for the order

You hung up

Sir stupid

You should bribe him like they do in India

They bribe everywhere

They bribe everywhere really

Yeah like businesses it happens everywhere

There's only like one big corporation over there

That is like anti-bargaining

That's about all the third world

like mexico that happens a lot right you get pulled over the cops you're supposed to pay

same thing that's what i understand i think there's like more of an effort to uh minimize

that there yeah it's like embedded into the indian culture wow yeah that's crazy yeah my

father-in-law i'm doing another call here my father-in-law was telling me how like in greece

it's like that like if you go if you go if you go to the hospital if you want to get seen in

the hospital you have to bring an envelope with money i'm like really it's like yeah they call it

it's got a word it's like the thaliki like what's that mean is like that's it's called it's greek

for the money in the envelope i'm like are you kidding he's like yeah like if you go to the

hospital and you want to be seen and it's like there's one section for you if you don't have

the money in the envelope where you'll get seen as they can and if you have the money in the

envelope they send you right through to the emergency ward i'm like wow that's fine he's

like yeah man it's corrupt it's corrupt that's why they got so many problems out there so he

he was telling me. That's where they got so many financial problems

out there. Uh, trying to call

the Goldman Indian Curry House, and that phone

number's busy. Instead, we'll call Nirvana.

Uh, yeah, there you go.

Good band and good Indian food.

Let's do it.

I never got to see Nirvana in concert

before What's-His-Face did that

thing with the gun. Would've been nice.

I did get to see Metallica and, uh,

Guns N' Roses in concert.

And Nirvana was supposed to be the opening act.

What do you mean, Nirvana? Hello!

Oh, is this Indian food? Damn it.

I'll have to make an order, damn it.

I'm not here to make friends.

I'm here to make an order for food, okay?

So be serious.

Mm-hmm.

You ready?

Hello?

Yes, I'll have to make an order for Indian food.

Just a moment.

Yeah.

God damn it.

Mm-hmm.

Go ahead.

One chicken tikka masala.

Okay.

Two papadums.

Okay.

Three naans.

Okay.

Four vegetable biryani.

Five pilau rice.

Uh-huh.

Six aloo sagas.

Order?

Six orders of aloo sags.

Seven lamb roganjosh.

Yes, seven lamb roganjosh.

Uh-huh.

Eight chicken korma.

Korma.

Uh-huh.

Nine chicken vindaloo.

Ten vegetable balti.

Ten veggies.

Ten vegetable baltis.

What do you want?

Ten vegetable baltis.

Table?

Uh-huh.

What do you want?

I'm not understanding.

What do you think?

Do you have vegetable balti?

Vegetable?

Yeah.

Yeah, do you have that?

Yeah. Ten? Ten. Ten orders? Yeah. Okay. And eleven lamb jalfrezi. Order ten by jalfrezi. Do you have lamb jalfrezi? Lamb? Lamb jalfrezi. Okay. Eleven of them. Okay. Okay. And then also one bhenchod. Yes, hello, I was making an order and this stupid woman don't understand. Yeah. Who is this? This is Cross. My name is Cross, Mr. Ulu. What is it? My name is Mr. Ulu. Yes, my name is Mr. Ulu. Yes.

Yeah, so what do you order?

One chicken tikka masala, two papadum, three naan, four veggie biryani.

Uh-huh.

What else?

Five pilau rice.

Yes.

Six aloo saag, seven lamb roganjosh.

We actually don't have that lamb roganjosh.

What did she say you do?

We have lamb curry.

Okay, seven lamb curry then, smarty.

And look at smart.

Eight chicken korma, nine chicken vindaloo, ten veggie...

We actually don't have chicken vindaloo.

It's chicken curry.

Okay, ten chicken curry.

Curry, nine chicken curry, ten vegetable Baltis.

Do you have that?

What, vegetable Jalfrezi?

Uh-huh, yeah.

Yeah, we have that.

Ten, and then eleven lamb Jalfrezi, okay?

And then one Bhenchod, one Madrachud.

Yes, one Bhenchod and one Madrachud.

Who is this?

This is Mr. Ulu.

Yes, this is Mr. Ulu.

Who is this?

This is Raul?

Yeah, hey, what's up?

It's me.

Who?

It's Raul.

Right?

Yeah, Raul, hey.

Hey, what's up, man?

What's going on?

I want to kiss you.

I want to kiss you all over.

You're a motherfucker, man.

Yeah, will you kiss me?

What's going on, man?

How's your sister?

Hey, hello.

How's your sister?

Who is this?

Your sister.

This is Raul.

How's your sister?

Really?

You're Raul?

Yeah.

What's your last name?

Gonzalez.

What?

Gonzalez.

Nah.

You said something to somebody else.

No, no, no.

This is Raul.

Come on.

I want to talk to your sister.

I want to kiss her in front of you.

No, can I kiss your sister in front of you?

Who is this?

Will that make you jealous?

Listen you son of a

You stupid horse

You son of a horse

You son of a dog

Mad

Asshole

You know

Trying to get the guy mad

Milkman anything I could have done

To make him mad

Any idea

No

In the meantime

Let's call someone

Who might be mad from the beginning

Our good friend the Turkish horse

Let's see what he's up to

Yeah

Chicken karma

chicken karma chicken karma

hello is this the owner

hey you dumb shit

how are you doing

no no this is the owner

is this Mr. Stallion

this is Mr. Stallion

yeah this is him

I want to go over there and punch you in the face for being an asshole

I want to go punch you in the face

for being an asshole

yeah

I want to go punch you in the face

do you accept my challenge

No.

Wow.

He sounds busy.

Is that the guy in Berkeley?

Yeah, that's the guy in Berkeley.

What a push, man.

He's pushing out tonight.

I caught up with your mom here a couple weeks ago.

Hello?

Yeah, what's going on?

What do you mean?

Hey, you stupid shit.

What's your problem?

What's your problem, motherfucker?

You're a piece of shit, and your food is a piece of shit.

Yeah, you come and suck my dick then.

Yeah.

It tastes better.

Yeah, my dick.

You suck my dick.

You need two hands.

Ask your wife to come.

I don't have a wife.

I have a boyfriend.

Yeah, that's good.

Yeah, listen, I'm going to go over there.

You have a wife?

No, that's him.

That's him.

That's the owner.

That's the owner right there.

That's the guy.

That's the guy, yeah.

That boy definitely was him.

The first one wasn't.

Yeah, tell him that you're going to make him your boyfriend.

Hello?

Hello, sir?

Hello?

He's sick of your mother fucking you in the ass?

I don't know if he's trying to trace me or what.

Oh, my.

God.

Let's see.

Yeah, now it's busy.

He left the phone off the hook.

Damn.

I'm pushed out, man.

Good to finally talk to him.

Greeks fuck Turks, says OBX.

Good point.

There is a prank I wanted to play.

For some reason, it came up to my mind.

Since we're talking about chauvinists and sexist terms and stuff.

There's iPod machine.

Is it iPod machine?

iPhone machine.

That's who it was.

I'll give them a call.

Give them a call.

Play that prank, rather.

I think it was called iPhone machine, wasn't it?

Anyway.

iPhone machine.

Be right back in a moment.

If I can get it to load up.

Yeah, this is one of the...

You get your grubby hands off of my iPhone machine, all right?

Listen, I got proof. I lost my...

You have your iPhone. Listen to me.

I do not have your iPhone.

I've never owned an iPhone machine, never even seen one.

What you're talking about?

Be just a little bit more damn polite, because I don't have...

Well, listen, I have proof of it.

Unrefutable proof from the GPS.

What I want, I'm sorry.

I don't believe you know how to operate a fax machine.

You're a common thief.

Proof, because I do not have...

iPhone machine. Get it right.

If you have a fax, listen, if you have a fax machine, then what button do you push to send stuff?

No, no.

We are through a network inside the company.

No, no, you hit send.

You don't even know how to use a fax machine.

You don't even know.

I have a machine.

I have a phone.

Tell me I tolerate it.

That's nice, honey.

Okay, listen, so I have proof.

I turn on my iPhone machine.

I turn on the GPS, and I'm telling you signs all over.

One Nelson this.

One Nelson has the phone.

Wanda Nelson made a phone call.

Phone calls all over the place.

Send me the proof and I'll find out who has it.

Listen, and then somebody told me that they saw you eating chicken

and then you weren't cleaning your fingers and you were touching all the dirty grease on top of my phone.

That's just, you know what, just keep it.

If you're so little.

Tell me where you are because the 407 is not even a local number where I am.

That's right, yes.

This is the phone that you stole.

I'm having the phones forwarded.

It's not a phone.

Okay, I was in the casino.

You know, I decided to go out to eat and cool down.

And I'm going to speak.

When were you in a casino?

Ma'am, this is getting a little personal, don't you think?

I was at the machine.

Okay, but when?

The machine, yes, today, the machine.

You know the machine with the lights that goes bing, bing, bing, bing, bing?

You know that one?

I don't have lights that do that.

Which machine were you playing?

The game machine, you know?

We have the machines.

Which one were you playing?

Okay, you put in the money in it, right?

And it has buttons.

We have machines that take money.

Yeah, but it has the buttons, and you pull the thing.

It's like, doong-de-doong.

They all have buttons.

Bing-bing, like that.

They all go ding-ding.

It's got numbers on it.

Which one were you playing?

They all have numbers.

I'm just going to come in for a refund, I think, is what I'm going to do.

You come and see me.

Come and see me.

Are you threatening me?

No, I want you to come and talk to me so we can straighten it out.

All right, but if we're going to talk, we're going to talk like men, you understand?

I'm not a man, so that's fine.

Maybe that's the problem.

Where would you live?

I would like to send you my address so that you can send that to me,

since you don't seem to think I know how to work a fax machine.

And I would like to see the proof of this, because I don't appreciate this.

You didn't do what you're accusing me of.

I would like to straighten it out.

I would hope you would, but I just don't have...

Well, give me an address, and I will send you something.

Oh, you're going to send me something.

I'll send you my address so that you can send me proof.

I want to see the proof, because I don't want to tell you the truth.

I don't know where you got my name.

I don't have your cell phone.

I've never even seen an iPhone.

Listen, I turned it on.

I turned on the GPS on my iPhone machine.

I'm telling you, it has proof.

It says that the person who accessed it has your name here clean as day on the computer machine.

It says one that has the iPhone machine and that you made phone calls.

I did not have your iPhone.

You bought, you said that you bought gas with the phone and everything.

That you were buying gas in order to.

I don't buy gas with anything except my bank card.

Yes, but you got to the gas pump thing, and you put the iPhone machine.

You swiped it and everything, and it charged the gas.

Where did I supposedly buy gas at?

It just says Valente and Associates on here.

Valencia Gas.

I don't know.

Some kind of ETC company or something.

I don't know which one it is.

It's a fresh transaction.

It hasn't even posted yet.

It hasn't even...

I'm not from...

Listen, I have been on vacation in Reno.

We made a trip out here.

a special trip to see this casino, this big deal that my in-laws keep talking about,

and nothing but shit is what happens.

I'm in Reno right now, and I'm taking a flight out of Vegas tomorrow.

I'm going to be flying back to Miami.

But I tell you what, I'm going to pray for you.

I'm going to pray for you that you find, you know,

that God doesn't pay it back to you sevenfold like the Bible says.

Let me tell you what I'm going to do.

No, you keep the phone.

You keep the iPhone.

I hope you enjoy the iPhone.

Let's call the local sheriff's office and give them your number

because I have a phone, and I don't need this.

Madam, quite honestly, you're calling me.

I'm going to call your phone number if you think I've done something wrong.

Madam, well, I'm sorry.

Other than that?

You're calling me, and I order you in the name of the laws of the state of Nevada

not to call and harass me anymore because you are calling me.

This is an incoming call.

I can't get someone on an incoming call.

Hey, everybody.

Madhouse Radio is back.

We're black.

Taking out some trash here tonight.

I got another Indian restaurant here.

Boop.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

The mailbox belonging to...

Is full.

Yes, I know.

Milkman, now you're talking.

I'm going to ban you.

How are you doing?

There you are.

I thought it was you laughing there in the background.

Nunu has an iMac.

Wow.

I got a call last night.

I can't believe it.

iMac?

Nunu and iMac.

Who knew?

Okay, thank you.

I know I got it somewhere, but I don't know where Seth is taking it.

I'm going to put it back to Nunu.

Thank you.

It wasn't all UK tech.

Well, wasn't it UK Ted that perpetrated it?

UK Ted offed the problem.

Who was the problem maker here?

Someone tell me.

Someone copy-paste.

Who did all the offing?

I'm good.

All right, Milkman.

Mute yourself.

It was a guy called Derp.

Derp is gone, so I don't know who Derp was.

Can't tell you who Derp is, so Derp gets off scot-free.

I don't have time to look at the logs right now to see who the problem maker was.

And that's another thing, Nunu.

You're supposed to be the second-in-command in the chat room after me.

You're supposed to be the one in there, you know, holding it down.

If people were hopping like crazy, you should have banned whoever that was.

You know, sleep at the wheel.

You know better than the captain of the Titanic, fucker.

I should ban you and kick and ban you also from the show for a week.

You know better than the captain of the Titanic who said full steam ahead the whole time.

You're not going to see him in a bunch today.

Hey, man, that's about as good as I can be.

Well, let's see if we can get a number from Mark Cameron.

This guy is a Canadian troll who hates Americans.

He's on disability, so he spends all this time on message boards like IMDb talking shit.

On one message board, he wrote that he hopes that there is another 9-11,

and this time the terrorists set off a nuke in the U.S. and kill as many Americans as possible.

Wow.

Well, that's not very neighborly of his, of him.

Let's give him a call.

Here we go.

Mark Cameron, a crazy Canadian.

They all turn crazy after a while, those Canadians, I'll tell you what.

I bet he doesn't own any guns.

I hope he doesn't.

I bet she's on a no-fly list somewhere.

Yes, hi, is this Cameron?

Mark Cameron.

Who's this?

This is Cross, how you doing?

This is Cross, Valente Cross, how are you?

I wanted to offer you an iPhone machine.

A what?

An iPhone machine.

I'm interested.

Well, listen, here, let me tell you what, it's a secret iPhone machine.

I'm interested, don't call me again.

Listen, this iPhone machine has secrets on it, you understand?

Hello?

Scared.

He's running scared, scared of the law.

Tell me you're American flat out.

Listen, I want to tell you flat out, I'm an American,

but I don't claim any allegiance to the United States of America, okay?

Whatever, I don't care.

Well, listen, have you ever heard of the Bilderberg Group?

Oh, my God.

The Bilderberg Group.

You know who they are, right, Milkman?

Are you there still?

I think he muted himself.

The Bilderberg Group.

You know who I'm talking about, right, Milkman?

Good.

Are you afraid of them?

What do you think?

What do you think about the Bilderberg Group?

The Bilderberg Group.

You ever heard of them?

Yeah, man.

They run the world, don't they?

That's right.

Last time I heard was the Skullbum and Crossbones.

They're in that group, too.

I want to know which of all those groups that get mentioned is really in charge.

Skull and Bones, Freemasons, Bilderbergs, The White Man.

What about Illuminati?

Illuminati.

Which one of them?

They're all in charge, apparently.

Unless they're all the same group, they should all have a fight.

This should be a video game where they all fight each other, where you can pick a side.

You can pick a side out of all those groups, all those conspiracy groups, the communists you can be.

and then uh yeah it'll be like uh command and conquer red alert you build a army and a navy

and all that and you fight each other in a strategic uh video game that'd be awesome man

i'll work on that i don't know what to call it there you go you can even be the occupy protesters

but they suck they suck they suck they suck they've got like power conversion that's it

they have a good conversion troop that's it anyway moving right along let's see what other

the numbers we've got here. Lonesome, I did that

one for you. We've got the Sir Thomas

Hotel in Liverpool.

Alright.

Hotel reservations, please press 1.

The restaurant booking, please press 2.

Public relations and events inquiries,

please press 3.

The bar inquiries, please press 4.

All other inquiries...

Sir Thomas Hotel, John speaking, Okinawa.

Yes, hi, Jonathan. How are you?

Sorry? Yes, how are you, Jonathan?

You okay? I'm good. I'm asking, how are you?

I'm fine, thank you. How are you?

you good yeah how can i help that's good listen do you have a hall there that can be rented out

do we have a sorry like a hall or a large room that you can rent out for events yeah yeah we do

yeah we've got a bar restaurants and a lounge and put that all sort of together or separate

really depending on how large the group is um how big is it i need to figure out how much um

how much uh like you know either gravel that i can put down or cat litter or something like

Sorry, I don't understand what you mean, sorry.

Yeah, what's this for, sorry?

The Joker? I don't understand, sorry.

Say the place, sorry?

Why do you need sawdust and gravel, sorry?

there.

Are there going to be

animals here?

Well, yeah.

Do you know you've

called a hotel yet?

Yeah, yeah, we're

having our conference

there.

What's your name?

My name is Cross,

Cross Valente.

How are you?

How are you doing?

I'm okay, yeah.

I'm good, I'm doing

good.

What hotel were you

looking for?

Let's see, I'm going

to take a look here

at the papers.

Sir Thomas Hotel,

Sir Thomas Street

Corner, oh,

Liverpool, Mary's

Seaside, England,

yes, that's the one.

I'm an events

coordinator.

What kind of events

have you got picked

uh well it's the american association of horses and cats as having their conference they gave me

the information here i'm already in town i already flew in and then tomorrow we're going to start

setting up for the conference this weekend are you sure you've got the right hotel because i

don't think this is like the kind of venue you're looking for you know yeah sir thomas hotel you

guys have that bar and all that space there that's where we're going to have the conference that we

have some vendors are going to be sitting up there on the table we're going to sell some t-shirts

and then the horses

are going to come in

and the large cats.

Horses and large cats, yeah.

I think you'd be best calling.

If you want to give us

a call back after 9 o'clock

I'd be best.

No, no, no, no.

Wait a minute, no.

I've got to have this ordered.

It's probably going to get

delivered around 10 o'clock

in the morning.

I just need to know

what the dimensions are

so I can place this order

first thing in the morning.

Well, do you have the plans there?

Can you tell me?

I mean, how many feet

by how many feet?

I couldn't tell you.

Sorry, mate.

But I've got to say

it's not the kind of venue

you're going to get a horse into.

well it's already

paid for

this is already

paid for

I have the papers

really

there's nothing

on my system

you didn't say

there's any

events booth

tomorrow

well no

I already

it's happening

I don't know

it's a kind of job

I don't get it

no no no

come on

please

alright listen

I'm a horse lover

ok

if you want to

give us a call

by half to 9 o'clock

someone might be

able to help you

because unfortunately

there's not

enough people

no wait a minute

what about

ok

are you there

alone

at night

who's in charge

there at night

tell you what

mate

as I say

if you want to

give us a call

Well, how much, listen, how much would you, like, for one hour of use of that room at night?

Like, 3 o'clock in the morning to 4 o'clock in the morning.

That's, like, your slowest time there, right?

No one's around.

Nothing's going on.

Come on.

When's the slowest time over there?

Yeah, dickhead.

Dickhead.

I think this is going to be another crap show like last week.

Oh, we're halfway through it already anyway.

Started, like, being constant.

They can't get it out.

Oh, what you doing over there?

Still muted?

Still with a customer?

Okay.

For reservations, press 1.

You are being transferred to...

Reservations.

Can

I'm Huck.

Yes, hi.

Are you the only person in right now?

What's going on here?

Sorry, say again.

Are you the only person in there right now?

How many people are around?

In our hotel.

Well, like...

I'm sorry, I don't understand you asking me something.

In the area that you're at.

Sorry, I can't understand what you're saying.

You know your area where you stand?

You know what that is? To stand in a general area, a general vicinity, where you stand and you do work?

Don't do that. Don't do that. What was that you just did?

I can't understand what you're asking me about.

What was that noise you just made? Did you roll your eyes at me, young man?

I would like to help you, but I need water. What would you like me to do?

Well, the conference room, or any space that you have there, for one hour, between, let's say, four in the morning and five in the morning.

How much?

Just for one hour.

I just need the room for myself and a dog for one hour.

And I'll give you the cash, and you just turn the other way

and make sure no one comes in and opens the door.

Well, I can check you in the normal room.

I'll give you the price, if you like, for this time in the morning.

I'll give you about probably 70 pounds.

I can't do only per day.

What if I give you, let's say I give you 20 pounds, okay,

and you just let me have the room for like an hour?

No, no.

Well, that's you personal, just $20.

And then, you know, no one's going to find out.

Oh, come on. Do you have a bathroom there?

Obviously, all the rooms have everything, including bathrooms.

Do they have, like, a bathroom in the lobby?

No, the rooms are simple, double-bed rooms.

There is a bathroom there. There is a television set.

No, but I mean, like, outside of the room.

Is there a bathroom for use in the lobby area?

In the lobby area, no, no.

There's no bathroom there?

No, only in the rooms.

What bathroom do you use?

No, we don't have a bathroom downstairs.

You don't use a toilet?

We have a toilet, yes.

For you?

No, no, no.

It's a toilet for the guests, but it's only like a simple toilet.

It's not like a bathroom there.

You can go there and have a shower and everything like that.

No, no, I don't want a shower.

I just need a space.

So there's a toilet there where you can use the bathroom to make a toilet?

What do you need the space for?

I want to give you 20 pounds, and then I just want you to make sure that no one comes inside there for like an hour.

No, no, no.

It's the public.

No, just between.

No one else is there.

Come on.

No, no, nothing like that.

What about 30 pounds?

No, it's a hotel.

I know.

You buy a room here, you stay here, you pay for the room.

Look, I'll give you 40 pounds and you let me use that toilet for an hour.

Please, it's for me.

No, no, we don't do that.

It's for me and my dog.

No.

Come on, please.

No, we don't do things like that.

I told you.

Well, no, you're not going to, you don't have, I'm going to have, I want to touch the dog.

It's just me and the dog, but I just don't want you to get in.

Excuse me, I'm quite busy.

I know.

But me too.

I can tell you how much is the price for the room.

How much for toilet?

Just look.

Don't put it on the computer.

Just look.

Between 50 pounds.

I'll give you 50 pounds.

No, no.

I don't do things like that, no.

For one hour, 30 minutes.

If you need a space, I don't know, to use the Internet,

there is a place like that in the airport if you want to use the Internet.

I don't need the Internet.

I want to be locked in a bathroom with my dog.

Take it.

Please?

Come on.

This is a common question.

I mean, these people are persecuted, dog lovers, you know.

Well, maybe he's based too.

John Lennon Airport.

For reservations, press 1.

John Lennon Airport?

You are being transferred to...

Reservations.

Did they say John Lennon Airport?

Sure sounded like it.

Yeah, that's kind of cool.

Hello, Camp Loss.

It's John Lennon Airport.

How can I help?

Yeah, what's going on?

Hey?

What's going on there, big guy?

Who's this?

This is Cross.

Who?

Cross.

Who's this?

You want to get a life, okay?

I want to get a wife.

Oh, man.

All right, let me try again.

Dirty Aaron's calling in.

Hi, Dirty Aaron.

What do you want?

Dirty Aaron.

Hi.

Hi, I'm here.

Hi.

I'm called McCrown Plaza, Liverpool John Lennon Airport.

For reservations, press 1.

For group reservations, press 2.

You are being transferred to...

Reservations.

John Denver Airport says...

That's bad.

Oh, God.

No answers?

Maybe Ronnie Van Zandt.

There we are.

I got a report here that Gregulate was the source of a lot of the trouble.

Is that true?

You left the chat room also, so.

Kind of, yeah.

Just causing, you know, a little bit of a razzle there.

I wouldn't say he's the brute.

You know, Nunu, I'm looking at you.

I put you in charge of holding it down there.

I'm too busy doing the show.

Sleeping at the wheel.

Shame on you, Gregulate.

I held you in a higher esteem, and you, K-10, for that matter.

I'm very disappointed in both of you.

Very disappointed in both of you.

I didn't think it would get that crazy.

I mean, this is what happens when you let the people have the power.

They just go nuts.

People shouldn't have any power.

That's what I say.

You just sit there and listen.

That's what you and George Bush say.

Thank you.

I love your ass kissing dirty air.

I was listening to it the other day.

It was pretty funny.

You said something.

You got on the air and you're like, yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

You said something like that.

Yes, sir.

Very yes-man-like.

I started laughing.

It was pretty funny.

All right.

Yes, sir, Mr. Carlito, sir.

Moving right along.

The liner at Liverpool.

I'm going to have to take a break.

break i have to i forgot yeah i gotta put the eye drops in my eye shit we got another hour and a

half worth of show but i do have to take a break unfortunately because i'm required to put eye

drops in my eye now back to that again sorry guys i haven't taken a break on the show like in like

over a month but i did start the show early so that makes up for it right anyway yeah yeah so

check this out to you yeah that's right so hey when we come back everybody we're gonna have more

prank calls lonesome loser sent in numbers including harmas hoppy houses they do birthday

parties graduations daycares etc we got a cuban food restaurant in san francisco california we

got the liner at liverpool got a few other hotels in liverpool england here also uh new news sending

in some ideas also watch out hold on for that including the bbc switchboard you'd like us to

call that's always fun uh what else we got a few more requested pranks that came in also we can get

to those as well is that we got a lot of shit to do hey all right i'm excited about it you guys

I should be, too.

Give me about five minutes.

I'll be right back.

I should have a break here, queued up.

Yeah, I do.

I never used it.

Eat everybody.

Get up, stretch around, get some blood moving, and do something else for a minute or two.

Get yourself a drink.

You know, get yourself some iced tea.

Yeah.

Coffee, whatever you drink.

Coffee, gin.

All right.

We'll be right back in about five minutes, folks.

And thanks for your patience.

I apologize on my behalf for UK Ted and a lot of anger in the chat room right now.

We'll be right back in about five minutes.

Thank you.

Yo.

Fuck you.

I don't fuck up.

We'll be back right after this.

Pizza, how may I help you?

Yes, I tried to place an order for delivery, but the person I spoke with was very rude.

Oh, you're kidding.

Did you get his name?

He said Doug Jenkins, but he said that was a fake name.

Oh, I think, yeah, no, that's his real name.

And so what did he say to you?

I mean, I'm going to need to write this out if that's what you want.

What did he say to you that was a fake name to you?

He wouldn't take my order for delivery because I wanted meat on the pizza.

He really wouldn't deliver it because the delivery person was a vegan.

Oh, that is actually true, that she won't deliver that.

It's a problem here for us tonight because she's the only one with a driver's license.

Well, I can't.

Was he rude to you when he said that to you?

Yeah, he was.

And then I called back and I made a recording that had cussing in it.

The voicemail?

I'm going to have to check that out, too.

I just got this job here, and it really seems kind of, everyone's just silly.

They're all freaking out, you know.

So I don't know how long I'm even going to be working here with these little jokers.

But I can talk to the people that take care of that, you know, the voicemail,

and maybe they can get it changed back.

And then I'll tell them about Doug Jenkins' horrid behavior to you.

Do you want to come get, like, a coupon for free pizza or something?

No, I'm not going to come in.

I wanted it delivered, you know.

Oh.

But then he said I was wasting his time by pricing an order, you know.

So I'm going to call the corporate office tomorrow and let them know.

Oh, that's a real good idea.

I would do that because, you know, we don't even really want to talk to you here anymore, okay?

You're just a big complainer and you wouldn't take the fucking free pizza to make you happy.

I tried to shut you up, but go ahead and tell on us, okay?

Bye.

Ten minutes ago, a guy tried to break in my truck.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Yes, he's a long way in Tesla, Puerto Rican.

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

Yes, please.

This is Summer.

Is Tim there?

Tim here, love.

Is the bald...

What's the bald kind of thing there that was there last night?

There's no Tim, love.

What kind of thing that was there last night?

Were you there last night?

No.

Why not?

Tonight was making passes at me.

Tried to feel me and talk to the man tonight.

Told me a wrong name.

I'm very mad right now.

A lawyer could call you.

Media held me up three or four times.

And I tried to get out of there.

And he grabbed my arm and pulled me back in.

And guys can't.

Sir, the manager who's on loss.

I'll tell you, sir.

Are you dead?

This license pull, that's such an American thing to say.

I'm going to get your license pulled, bitch.

I'm going to get your license pulled.

Damn.

Madhouse Radio is live.

Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you! Fuck you fucking people!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Hunt? Hunt? I hunt for...

Call and toll free at 1-888-278-8509.

You know what? I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trapdoor at the bottom.

So when you die, you open a trapdoor at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman. You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman, ever, ever, make you who you are.

Take the baseline out.

Can't you fuck it?

Fuck you, bitch.

Motherfucker.

Friday Madhouse Radio back.

Longer break than I promised.

It's back for the back.

Did I say five minutes? More like ten.

We're here. Carlito, Tabachi, Dirty Aaron, I suppose.

I suppose we should call Milkman back.

He dropped out.

Milkman gets upset when there's too many people on.

Please enjoy the following music while your party is being re-

Okay, hold on. I'll be right back.

You got it, man.

oh man it's raining is it oh fuck god it's pouring down look it was gonna rain forever

and it finally ran good well and you're part of town anyway um mbc3 clay good dad someone's

asking about as if this sound effect here though that's what is that by the way jerky boys prank

call saul's chainsaw okay i got you saul's chainsaw is the name of the prank call and i

talk a bunch of shit about johnny brendan and i keep playing his sound effects so what's that

not tell you about me i'm a bitch that's what we got a pick bookapoo has a pick as dark strangers

boob all right let's see that i don't know do i want to see that how were they tabachi were they

nice were they firm or were they big floppers i'm sorry i missed what you said uh what that

dark strangers boobs that was she flashed them with she got a nice pair of floppers

yeah i was i was rather impressed very impressed i don't i can't say that too often either

about her or just boobs in general in general okay i gotcha story of my life i have a uh criteria

i wasn't expecting it to uh fit that yeah i don't know i gotta find a weed guy around here so you

know anybody selling man because i'm looking i'll tell you it's hard to come by but uh yeah where

you are you want to go out on um uh shoot what's the street called to the east of the city out on

the town

and you go a little south of it and that's where you can get

some. Alright. My streets are

a little sketchy. I don't go up

around the neck of the woods too often.

Yeah, I don't usually.

On the east part of town you go a little bit south

like there's a Starbucks out there

on the east end of town and you go about

seven blocks down there and that's

where you can. Yeah, I see.

But you go outside of there and there's nothing.

It's can't find. I'm just talking, I mean

I don't like to get from like random

people. I like to know the person, you know,

I've got to find someone who knows someone who knows somebody.

Yeah, that's what you've got to do.

You've got to just walk around there.

You'll find it.

I'll do that.

Let's go to the food co-op or a Whole Foods market.

Oh, okay.

There you go.

No, not where Carlito is yet.

Apple Store, maybe?

No.

Apple Store.

One problem is I can't even drive.

I don't even have a license, a driving license.

I've got a license that tells people who I am.

That's it.

Just ride the bus for, like, two hours.

You'll be guaranteed to find someone.

Someone will show up.

I was holding.

Well, the other day I was at work.

I was taking my lunch break.

I was outside smoking a cigar, and this brother was out there.

I could smell the weed.

And he asked me, is the pizza day today?

And I said, huh?

I didn't catch on.

And I was like, no, not today.

And he said, oh, all right.

And he walked off like, oh, wait a minute.

That's the code.

I'm like, shit.

I think that's the code.

I don't know.

Is that a code?

I don't know.

I mean, I smelled like weed.

I was like, I smell weed.

you know he was smoking it i guess i was smoking my cigar and he went by and he goes what's up

like what's up dog and and it was like he was like he's like he goes pizza day today i'm like

no not today he's like all right and he walks off i'm like pizza day ah shit like that's that's

that's the code that's a good code i like that one pizza day today that's a good code but it

could have been a cop i don't know i mean where'd my lighter go yeah you know it could have been

And there's a big beltway that runs around there, and that's where all the traffic is down.

Yeah, man.

And, like, you're talking.

Yeah, it's insane.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, literally right there.

Yeah, I've been told.

You've been told.

I don't touch the stuff myself.

Good to know.

Nunu says, every day is pizza day.

Well, back in the day, every day was pizza day, especially here in Madhouse.

I smoke a lot of weed here in Madhouse, man.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah.

I love listening to those episodes.

I used to do 420 shows.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah.

That's when I first started listening.

But Ken sent me a message on Yahoo.

Maybe it's about weed.

Let's check that out later.

I'll bookmark that.

All right.

Hey, guys, more pranks.

Thank you, Nunu, keeping us in line.

Time for more pranks.

I, however, will chug a beer.

Liquid courage.

What's left of that there, rather?

It's Bud Ice.

Someone was asking before, am I drinking Bud Ice?

Yes, still drinking Bud Ice.

Bud Ice.

Yes, I'm still drinking.

And I did the research on Bud Ice.

I did the research just like an Audi guy would tell you to do.

All Bud Ice is, here's the deal, Bud Ice.

they take budweiser they freeze it and you can't really freeze beer completely unless you put it

like in a super thermal freezer they put it in a regular freezer so it forms a layer of ice at the

top maybe about a tenth of the top of the beer and the big vat that they do becomes ice that's the

water that's separated during the freezing process they do a blast freeze on it real quick

a layer of ice forms

they remove all that

that ice is pure water

they remove it and then what's left

is Budweiser

so basically it's the same beer

as Budweiser but they take out

a tenth of the water

you get more alcohol per volume

that's what they do, that's Budweiser

and I found out, I was talking last week

I can't find Budweiser light anywhere

I used to drink that all the time

they don't sell that anymore

they don't do the process to Budweiser anymore

just to regular Budweiser

found that out also and thank you wikipedia wikipedia.com sponsor the second half of the

show tonight yeah all right moving along then we got lots of numbers here to get to

including a persian grill and a few cuban cuisine places cubans are fun to mess with also

hey lonesome loser man if you're paying attention my brother if uh you happen to know where that

number for the hotel home in iran is the homosexual hotel in iran as i used to call them sometimes

be nice to check in with them see how they're doing give a call to iran see how they're up

what they're up to over there it's a prank call virginia no you saw that foreigns post yeah what's

up with that dude i saw that all of you prank callers out there virginia it hasn't been signed

into a law by the governor yet but uh some serious crime now man it's like a misdemeanor it's like a

first degree felony to prank call someone now like a felony or whatever something like that

Ridiculous.

How come Milkman knows about that?

You know, Milkman warned us.

I know, Milkman, if you're paying attention.

He was for a little while.

He was in the bunk.

He and Virginia were making prank calls.

Hey, you know, that's probably what happened.

Milkman, I don't know if you're paying attention right now.

You're on the connection.

I think you are.

But Virginia just passed a law in the House.

It hasn't been signed by the governor yet.

It's going to be on his desk soon, if not already.

But it's going to be a felony to prank call in the state of Virginia now.

Just to let you know.

And you warned us all about the dangers of being arrested in Virginia.

They'll extradite me there and they'll feed me and won't let me use the toilet or whatever you said.

A whole bunch of shit.

I don't know.

Not a big deal.

I've been arrested before.

Big whoop.

Oh, wow.

They can just move to West Virginia.

I know, right?

West Virginia, I'll take it.

I'll become a coal miner.

Sounds like a good living.

All right.

Persian Cafe.

Where's the Persian restaurant?

What do I got here in Lonesome Loser?

Persian Grill.

Monterey, California.

California, Monterey, Monterey, King's Forest in Spanish, Monterey, California.

Good evening, yes, hello, I would like to make an appointment for food.

Okay.

Yes, yes, for when, yeah.

Hello?

You wanted to make a reservation for what time?

An appointment for food, yeah, I like food, you know.

Hello?

Yes, hi, yes, do you have kebabs there?

We do have kebabs, but not over the phone, but you have to come over here.

Well, that's why I'm making a stupid order, you know, a reservation to come in.

You don't seem to understand, right?

Yeah.

Do you have an epilepsy?

Okay.

Do you have pork kebab there?

No, we don't.

Why not?

What is your phone number?

Well, you put spices in that there, right?

What is your phone number?

First of all, let me verify your phone number.

Don't be a jerk.

Don't be a mean guy, okay?

That's not necessary.

I'm not mean.

I'm just going to hang up.

I'll be nice.

I'll be honest.

I know I haven't been doing good with the price tonight, but I'm trying to do something here.

Cut it out.

Look, I'm sorry.

let it off

he's just stewing over there

yes hi lady how are you

how are you

good are you sexy lady

what do you want

you're a sexy lady

kiss all over her body

nah he's

you don't mess with a Persian woman

watch now

no sir

watch now

watch nothing

that's what you're gonna watch

blah

but

I will call from a different number

let's see if this works

oh this hasn't been working lately

if I try to call from the other number

they're like no

we don't answer

I'm still having Google voice issues also.

Oh, man.

Dirty Aaron, you got any iPad, iPhone, iPod, anything like that?

I got my iPhone 4G here, and then I got 3G at work.

Wow, two iPhone machines.

That's something.

Well, the one I use for just Pandora for my workstation machine.

That's a good idea.

Just keep it for Pandora and Sirius or whatever you use.

Yeah, because they got Wi-Fi right there at the job there.

Man, I'm so pissed off.

You know, I get decent 4G coverage, but I don't want to use them.

I don't want to hit my buffer limit or whatever.

I'm T-Mobile, and it's not the best coverage where I live or where I work,

so there's no Wi-Fi where I work.

There's Wi-Fi on the second floor for the stupid fucking Indians,

and they don't give us the Americans any on the third floor.

It pisses me off.

And I realize, I know, I already knew,

going into the Android doesn't let you connect to ad hoc Wi-Fi networks,

so I can't create a Wi-Fi network on my work computer.

but I found like three apps

that supposedly as long as you have root

access on your Android you can connect

to an ad hoc network and I can't do it it doesn't work

it sucks yeah the thing about it

is that the NPSA Cobra

got me hooked on the iPhone machine and then

he switched over to Android about 6-8

months ago really sold you out

man sold out yeah he did

he's a 1%er this guy

uses I mean a mad

amount he's the real deal

he's the reason why they're

shrinking the network because of him oh you see yeah in 18 he's making a big deal about that now

man they just started they said they said he said he had to go like edge for like 10 days of the

month because yeah they they choked him out dude yeah that's happened to me a few times at t-mobile

like when i first moved here i was i was like at my in-laws house and i was going to use the

phone as a router hit that limit and i did it's i had to go a whole month using edge i was gonna

you gotta be fucking i was like at least bring me down to 3g you know i was like no no i

was like you gotta be kidding me and then and then

one time then you know what i did i ref i reflashed my phone um and i put on my um my podcast uh

fucking app on there and my podcast app i have like i i keep track of like 60 different podcasts

it's stupid oh my god i only listen to maybe not that much time i know there's not and here's what

It's so crazy.

I listen to about 15 of them regularly.

I listen to a lot of fucking podcasts.

I got about 15 that I listen to regularly.

I listen to them at double speed.

That's the new hotness.

That is the new thing.

No, I heard about it.

A few people talk about this on other podcasts.

And you can do it.

You can listen to your podcast at 2x, double speed, and you catch everything.

You don't miss anything.

Where are you going to sit and listen to them mim and haw and stuff like that?

It doesn't affect me at all.

it's faster so i can hear double the podcast in the same amount of time um but dude like i

installed the podcast and i brought over my old settings and without even knowing it went out and

downloaded like 70 different podcast episodes and all at the same time i got the text message like

you have reached your limit for this billing cycle like the billing cycle just started no god

so i had to go another month on edge data it was suck but i mean at home it's okay i can hit the

wi-fi at home but shit man it sucks i hear you man so i don't know i'm gonna get the new ipad

but i don't know if i should get the lte version on verizon i guess would be better an at&t or if

i just get the wi-fi version i'm not gonna take it to work probably i would wait a minute it seems

like the well with all the uh apple workers committing suicide at the uh boxcom yeah yeah

Yeah, Foxconn, that you better wait for a couple weeks for them to get delivered.

I don't know.

I didn't even check to see how the delivery thing is going with it.

I just know they're being ordered now.

I'm not going to preorder this shit.

I was just going to walk into the Apple store over there at the mall.

The one that me and Tabachi have been talking about turning it up at at some point.

I'll tell you that I think the whole, you know, made in China thing is kind of overhyped.

What are you going to do?

Economically, we really are making a lot of people better off.

The people who are in the factories, you know, yeah, a lot of shit happens to them.

But I'll tell you, they're a lot better off for the most part working there.

You know what?

They're earning a lot more.

Give it 10, 15 years, it's not going to matter.

Because the Chinese are going to catch up as far as financial independence individually.

And they're not going to want to work for as little wages anyway.

It's not going to matter.

It's all going to be expensive.

They're already products.

They're past it.

Yeah.

Don't move on to services.

Well, it's already services.

I mean, you understand the deal, right?

Most people don't understand the deal to work in China.

What's that?

Most people think it's a real deal to work in China,

but the deal is to work any company to work in China,

but their factory's in the act.

It's made with Chinese.

Ah, you see.

No wonder why people all over the world are complaining,

oh my God, I got a fake iPod, I got a fake Gucci bag,

because companies that want to go over and take advantage of these choices

are structured on how to make them.

The Chinese are just fucking copying it.

They learned everything for almost nothing.

They got fucking fake.

they've got fake apple stores in china for god's sake fake apple stores you know what i mean it's

like come on of all the things you know what i mean it's not it doesn't even go down to like

the fucking the technology anymore and the product like the fucking retail store is fake

you know hp made a lot of mistakes hp's thing hp made a lot of mistakes they didn't have a

a good CEO for a long time

and they didn't know

and then they came out

and they said,

we're not going to sell

personal computers anymore.

I was like,

what the fuck else

are you going to sell?

Are you going to become Dell now?

Are you going to sell

computers to Enterprise now?

Sure you are.

Go back to the damn calculators,

programmable calculators

and the 7U, right?

That's the thing

in the North American companies,

American and Canadian,

whatever it may be,

a lot of them are stupid.

You got BlackBerry

who had the core in the market

when it came to cell phones

and smart devices

and then they have

a fucking company

with two CEOs.

Two fucking CEOs

CEOs until just recently.

How do you have a company with two CEOs?

What does that say? What do you think that says to people?

What the fuck we want to do?

Anyway.

They're a Canadian company, you know.

And unfortunately, they're not showing the good common sense of most Canadians.

Yeah.

And I predict Nunu's in the chat.

I haven't looked yet. I predict Nunu's having a fit.

Let's see. Nunu.

Is this the China T-Mobile show

or a prank call show?

Yeah, that was right.

It's the Apple show.

it's the apple show hell yeah apple hour apple weekly that's it that that independence is already

happening in china it's so bad that they had to close the apple stores because they were people

were paying the migrant workers like thousands of dollars they were busting them in line yeah

because they could only buy one at a time yeah they were getting fucking fights and shit so

they just closed the apple store yeah they had to open like two days late the first official apple

store there yeah i remember that man yeah and the crazy shit remember that the saying was like

Like, this is, you know, they're selling the iPhone for the first time in China, officially,

but you've been able to use an iPhone there for, like, ten, like, five years.

I think, I think, uh...

Yeah, they just make them just, it's like, it looks just like a fucking iPhone.

Yeah, yeah.

It works just like an iPhone, it's just, with the, with, like, the different card or chip

or whatever the fuck.

Exactly.

Yeah, whatever.

You can buy them on eBay.

Yeah.

Oh, there's a really shitty one called the A-Phone or something.

I checked it out.

Someone, like, let me borrow it, wants to try to fix it.

i'm like this is a piece of shit the imitation phone right there was an imitation it was called

like the e-phone or the ape it looked just like it but it sucked yeah oh it was bad oh it had a

stylus and all this shit yeah i remember zoar once like he zoar he used to talk to me a lot

off offline and he was like should i get this for my son i was like what is like it's like the iphone

but it's not like oh man don't get that shit man get him the iphone he's gonna hate you that's

my parents would do like we got you we got you some uh air schmordens carlos wow thanks guys

i appreciate it all right anyway homa hotel let's do it that's like when shack and like i think it

was like 95 he came out with like a shoe that you could buy at target for 30 bucks i remember he had

the it was like the shaquille o'neal shoe like that he made and for 30 bucks at target and they

They were the ugliest things ever.

Didn't he have a rap album in 1995, too?

Yeah.

I'm Outstanding.

Whatever the fuck it was.

Yeah, that's when he played for the Magic still in Orlando.

I try, I try, I was trying, I was like, oh, this is awesome.

Fuck me, too.

Because I lived in Orlando and I was like a big Shaq fan and all that.

I was just trying to, but in hindsight, God, he's so stupid.

I mean, corporations have given us exactly what they want.

They've given away all their secrets to make more money and be greedier than ever.

So long as that.

Now, look where we're at now.

We have nothing.

Nothing.

We're a service industry country.

It's what you can do for other people, not what you make, not what you can build.

It's what you'll do for them.

Yep.

You know, drive a train, make an hamburger for them, do paperwork for them.

That's what we do now.

Or do prank calls for a living like me.

Woo!

Okay, let's do a prank call.

Iran, coming up.

Shaq Diesel.

He's got a song.

I'm off standard, yo.

I'm off standard.

He had a song, My Biological Father.

They got a different system there

I got some Avaya phones there

Sounds like

Hello

How are you

Yes hi I would like a room

I'm calling from CNN

CNN

The television news

I don't want to alarm you

But myself and Wolf Blitzer need to stay in a room there

In about two weeks

And we're going to have a camera crew

and we'll need access to the roof

for the satellite

and we'll be covering something

that's going to be happening in two weeks

but I don't want you to get alarmed

and you shouldn't tell anybody about this either.

Hello?

There are gentlemen.

It's called the Republican Guard, I think.

They're attacking.

He's at the top of our list during our expose.

That doesn't work.

You know in Iraq, you know,

like the invasion would start

whenever we attack Iraq

and Wolf Blitzer was already there

in a hotel in Iraq,

already in Baghdad

on the rooftop with

the other guy. Who was the black guy?

Whatever happened to the black guy that used to be on CNN?

Bernard Shaw. Whatever happened to that guy?

Did he die?

They were standing in front of a green screen.

It wasn't real.

Yeah.

California. Whatever happened?

Let me look up Bernard Shaw. Holy shit, I haven't heard about that guy

in a long time.

He's retired.

He retired in 2001.

Yeah, hi, how are you?

Fine, thank you.

I wanted to make a reservation.

What happened?

Hello?

Hold the 90D.

Shit.

Oh, my God.

That's the whole music you get when they're transferring you to the government.

Yeah.

Do not be alarmed.

Doesn't seem like a little bit of pulse code modulation to suit your ears.

For those of you who don't know, the Homa Hotel was actually the Hilton Hotel before the revolution.

It was taken over by the government, and there's now a government hotel.

Hello?

Actually, everything tourism-related in Iran is named Homa, including their airline.

Oh, is it like some sort of prefix?

It's a bird.

Hello?

Yes, hello.

How are you?

Yes, Matthew.

Fine.

Yes, my name is Bernard Shaw.

Do you know who I am?

Bernard Shaw?

Yes, do you know who I am?

I'm from CNN.

Yes.

I'm going to be going down there with Wolf Blitzer.

We're going to stay in a hotel.

There's going to be a big event.

Are you coming to a hotel?

Yeah, there's going to be a big event in about two weeks.

I don't want you to get alarmed.

I don't want you to tell anybody.

Huh?

From today?

Two weeks from tomorrow.

From tomorrow.

Yes.

Now, we need to make sure we have a good view of the sky.

We need to take video of the sky.

And do you overlook any important landmarks?

Pardon?

Do you have any windows that overlook any?

Uh-huh.

Yeah, of course.

Like where?

What's your name?

My name is Bernard Shaw.

I'm a journalist with CNN News.

Mr. Bernard Shaw.

Yes, Mr. Bernard Shaw.

Sure.

Of course. You can come tomorrow after 8 or 9 o'clock.

No, no, no. Listen. In two weeks, we're going to be down there, okay?

Okay.

And we don't want you to tell anyone.

I'm sorry. Do you have a room right from the hotel or no?

Well, no. I just want to make sure, first of all, in the location.

We want to be able to take video of the outside, okay?

That's okay. We have a room available for tomorrow.

No, but this is in two weeks. Nothing's happening tomorrow. Two weeks from now.

We have it, yes.

Okay, now listen.

Can you send a man up to my room later?

Yes, of course.

Now this man, he will kiss me?

This man?

Yeah, I need one man to come to kiss me in the room.

Okay, will the man kiss me?

I said you need a massager in the room.

A what?

You need a massager.

A massager, but I want him to be a man and I want him to take his clothes off.

Will he take off his clothes?

No, he won't have the service.

Well, will he kiss me then?

No.

No?

What services do you provide?

To the fitness center.

To the what?

Fitness center.

What's that?

Yes, we have it.

You have what?

The fleet center?

Yeah.

What's that?

What happens there?

They may have to contact for us.

Okay.

What about a woman, then?

What about your mother?

Hello?

Sir?

You know, we used to be able to get people to this hotel.

They get really mad and really political.

Never anymore.

Not like before.

Well, he's not very compliant.

He knows.

I wonder if they have any government looking in the madhouse.

I don't.

This is going to be one of the unmanned drone targets on our invasion.

Hello?

Operator, please wait a moment.

Yes, I would like to take off my shoes and hit you in the face with my shoe.

Okay, there's no problem.

Will you kiss?

I want you to kiss my shoes, all over my shoes.

Just come to the hotel.

Okay, and then can I take off my pants while you kiss my shoes?

Come to the hotel.

And then what happens?

Everything happens.

You kiss my shoes?

Okay, and did you have an Iranian flag that I can use to use like a towel after I take a shower?

Why not?

Huh?

Yeah.

Okay, and then I use it for...

Do you have toilet paper there?

Get there with a shoe.

Big insult over there in Iran.

You know they got any toilet paper?

No, they just have the three shells.

They have the Koran.

No, they just use the left.

Hello?

They use the left hand.

That's right, Milkman.

Good point, Milkman.

Gold star.

Retired with somebody.

OSX.

Yeah, good point.

I think I'm going to head out for the night, boys.

No.

Okay, bye.

Take care.

Bye.

Whatever.

Hello?

Hello.

Yes, hi.

Okay, I spoke with my colleague.

You can come to the hotel.

And you will kiss my shoes?

No, we have more than 300 people.

To do what?

Well, listen.

They're feeding him answers.

We've got to take that one over.

What do I tell America?

Tell them we have 300 people.

Ken's making a good point.

The three shells from Demolition Man, yeah.

There's a...

What would make any difference if it was like sandals or flip-flops?

There's a JPEG out there that actually shows the three shells,

saying like how it happened.

I mean, it's not a real thing, but I guess someone came up with it.

It's actually pretty cool.

it made sense i guess that's how you would use the three shells what you do is you take two shells

you put them in each side of your butt cheeks right so the shit doesn't hit the cheeks and

then the other shell you use it to hold with your hand and you shit into the shell and then you dump

that shell in the toilet and then you get rid of the other shells and it makes sense right and

that's a great idea if they could start the seashell thing i think they should start that

no more toilet paper use think about that milkman hello yes hi how you doing i'm good

Good, who's this?

Don't update?

Nice man.

What?

The hotel, there's no problem.

Yeah, but I want to make sure, first of all, that I have a man who's going to kiss my shoes.

All of my colleagues are fuckers.

What?

You no fucker.

You no fuck you, what?

All of my colleagues are nice fuckers.

There are nice fuckers?

Let's come to the hotel.

Okay, alright, that's fine.

I'm an American citizen, how dare you talk to me like that.

We're great people, we're the greatest people in the world, the greatest country.

He's gone.

All right, it took that long, but we got an answer from him.

Good deal.

300 people, nice fuckers.

We got 300 nice fuckers.

That's a good hotel, man.

300 good fuckers.

Good power tops.

We already played that song.

Coming up next, let's see what else we got here.

I'm going to look at the chat.

Hey, everybody in the chat room, say hi.

Enigma wants us to call...

Hello!

Okay, enough, man.

Thank you.

Enigma wants us to call corporate security.

We can do that.

Sure.

I got the number here.

Let's see if Cobra Security answers this week,

because last week the phone was busy when I tried calling.

That was a huge letdown.

I know, dude.

I pumped that up.

I was like, everybody, Cobra Security.

Nothing.

I know the number's here somewhere.

Hang on.

Crazy about cupcakes.

No.

That's Corian Security, which someone,

I think Mikey went to it and pointed it out.

It might have been him.

Here we go.

I found the Cobra Security number.

It's Aquarius Security, the guy was saying.

I thought it was Corian Security.

he was saying but i think he did say his name was cory also i think i swear he said his name

was cory at some point that's where i got that from it did sound like it yeah i got it was true

let me get a call him again here we go cobras i'll be right back all right almost time for

uk calls have reached the sprint voicemail box of let me get that out at the tone okay

yeah once again no answer there let me try them again let me try them again no they're

They're going to answer this time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They will answer.

I try everything I can, man.

I try to inhale a cigar like it's weed.

Gets me a little lightheaded, but it's not the same thing, man.

I don't want to touch that K2 shit.

You know what they're putting in it, man.

Look what happened to Artie.

I know.

He just yells all the time.

You have reached the print voicemail box of...

Richie was calling, and I lost him.

Richie.

Hang on.

Let me get Richie here.

Richard.

Richie.

Giggles.

Rich.

IG.

Hey, how you doing, kid?

What's up, man?

Nothing.

Just here.

Any...

Did you get in trouble at school lately at all?

Nothing?

No one's messing with you?

No.

Good.

No deal.

I was afraid of that.

You didn't get touched or anything?

No.

Did you hear last week's show?

I explained what happened.

Yeah.

No, I was here.

Yeah.

Yeah, we were.

I was here.

I was here for sure.

I know that.

You know that.

You're a smart kid, man.

I'm telling you, future prank calls are here.

Okay, well, we're going to keep doing some prank calls, all right?

Let me look at the request of pranks here.

While Lonesome's sending in a few numbers,

we're going to let those pot up here in a second.

Let me see what request or pranks we got here.

Richie, what's going on in your world?

What's the beat in the school?

What's the street beat?

Anything going on?

Big pep rally?

Anything going on?

Yeah, my school's pretty lame.

I don't think we'll ever have a pep rally.

How's your football team doing?

Is it any good?

Sadly, we don't have a football team.

Oh, that's gay.

What's going on?

It sounds like it goes to one of these smart kid schools or something like that.

Is that what's going on?

Do you have to wear a dress and stuff to school?

or no i just wear whatever the hell i want you wear a dress you you probably go to the same

school that biggie smalls went to he went to a private school in brooklyn i wonder i go to a

public school oh okay is it like public school number one don't tell me the school but it's like

a number no it's not okay holistic one yeah like like in in in like new york they go like

school number 129 is like how do you get behind that like i'm school number 129 bitch my my uh

I'll give up my elementary school with PS102.

Yeah, it's a sort of...

Why? Why can't they give it a name?

Call it...

I don't know.

Pick an astronaut, you know?

God, guys.

It's like it would be PS102

and then the subtitle looks like The Bayview School,

but it won't actually be called The Bayview School.

I'm going to edit that out.

Don't give that out, man.

That was a bad idea 10 years ago.

They'll use it against you.

You know, they already used it against you once.

They'll use that shit.

Via, not via, someone sent in a request to prank that says,

can you prank please, can you prank please, can you prank please.

Thanks.

That was probably Richard over here, Richie.

That wasn't me.

Okay, good.

We got a number here for Jim Bob in the UK.

Absolutely.

Jesus Christ.

Jim Bob in the UK, seriously?

I think they meant the South, just generically the South.

If this is another cell phone that's going to go to voicemail and cost me 25 cents,

I'm never taking requests to prank from this guy anymore.

It's ringing.

Hello.

Hi.

Okay.

I guess he gave us his own phone number.

Well, there you go.

I was about to say that.

Yeah.

There you go, Carlito.

I have a good idea for the...

Can we call the Houma Hotel back?

Yeah, we can.

Sure.

We got it.

We got it, man.

Look, all right, we're going to call the Houma Hotel.

Don't do anything stupid, all right?

Because I was just letting you know, more than likely the CIA or whatever computer they

use in the Pentagon is listening to these calls.

So let's not be stupid, all right, guys?

At some point, someone is monitoring the calls.

You got to think, right?

The majority of calls I ran from the United States are being monitored,

especially if they're on the Internet.

At some point or another, someone's at least watching you.

So use your brain here, okay?

Yeah, I got it.

I've started calling.

I got it.

Don't worry.

He's got a funny joke about a bomb.

So this is Tomah Hotel.

Please hold the line to process your call.

It's about hair.

Okay.

I'm calling the operator.

please wait a moment hi there hello there do you speak english yes okay um i have a complaint um

about uh i was there about a month ago and um basically my uh the person working at the front

desk had an unapproved hairstyle by the government and i would like to make a complaint against that

okay okay um can you tell me who this was okay he had a mohawk i didn't know who that was his hair

hair was too long yeah yeah his hair was too long and um it was getting in his eyes and that's

against the law sir this is serious business here that's punishable by jail time sir they're

they're figuring out why their response is going to be so they do or everybody they have a computer

they just pull responses out yeah they stole uh ibm's watson technology yeah i know they're using

always too they're firing up the apple lisa hello sorry rich sorry ig i'll have to be next week

they're on to me you can't get one past the iranians you know anyway uh okay so let me play

a little music huh who's in the conference aren't we got ig 69 dirty errands here did milkman drop

out no he said to do something real quick ken says pull the plug pull it plug but it's on battery

power shit ken says tobacco no mouth is that a kkk mask i see next to carlito's shoulder

and then look at the video and what's that a kkk mass that's my shoulder no don't see anything yeah

the chat room has been it's been crazy because i don't know if it was can or gregulate was going

off about the uh uh that video that's going around on facebook or whatever you know i got i saw three

posts today about that and then my cousin sent it to me and i didn't get to watch it what is this

code i don't know okay basically bullshit what is in high school right everybody wants to like

like, stand out or whatever on the stupid,

say, oh, they think they could change the world by liking

or whatever. I'm like, dude,

you can't do what's, it's like, everybody's like,

stop Kony, stop Kony, we're gonna make

him famous. But what the fuck is it?

What is, what's going on? I looked at, it's

like a 40, 40 minute video on

YouTube or something. I'm like, why don't I watch that?

He's an African warlord that's

doing bad crap. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, the high school kids are gonna stop.

They're gonna get right on that, yeah. Yeah, I was like,

sure.

he's an african warlord it is something bad and they think by liking him

on facebook everyone likes him on facebook then well i guess they have a some sort of like fake

company that uh you donate to i i didn't get the whole gist of it if you want to get something

through a 29 minute video in this generation is not going to do anything exactly make it a little

shorter maybe uh three minutes three minutes anything more than three minutes the majority

The majority of Americans are going to be like, I don't have time for that shit, motherfucker.

They're like, I'm hungry.

I need to go.

I posted a troll status about that.

Yeah?

And, like, I lost, like, ten friends in, like, five minutes.

Oh, my.

They're all behind it.

Well, dude, you know.

Seriously.

Someone else watch it for me.

Tell me what it is.

And then maybe.

I think there's an article on it on Wikipedia is probably your best bet.

You know what?

Wikipedia always comes through.

Wikipedia, America's most trusted source for news.

It is mine. My first thing for everything is

Wikipedia. What's Wikipedia say about it?

Oh, I have a simplified version. I got a piece of it

in history. I'll be right back.

There you go. Sounds good. Milkman is a big supporter

of Mr. Cody. K-O-T-Y.

Hey, I asked Athena today.

This is the

doctor in the office.

Cody? I don't know. K-O-T-Y?

No, Mr. Kotex. I don't know

Mr. Kotex. I don't know. I was like, Athena,

you know anything about this Cody thing? Athena's got her

head to the ground, you know, her ear to the ground

when it comes to that.

I'm coming out to clean up that damn chat.

You guys don't stick it out, man.

I'm not coming out to clean the chat up.

You're going to have to go in there and kick ass.

Listen, here's another thing that I want to get some answers from.

The people in the chat room, or Richie, you're a kid, you know about this stuff,

or anybody else, Dirty Aaron, Mikey129 who just joined us here.

um one of my guilty pleasures is the jersey shore of the few tv shows i watch i don't know why

i watched like one of the worst ones out there jersey shore it's like a train wreck

and and then yeah well here's the thing like i just i went out to go get my sandwich and my

beers for the break and it's like it says jersey shore shake up snooki's pregnant like snooki's

pregnant and like they're they're discussing it on cnn like when i walked out like you know what's

what's going to happen now

with the Jersey Shore

that Snooki's pregnant

is a big thing.

I'm like,

what?

Pregnant again?

Well,

she's never been pregnant before

that I know of.

Snooki hasn't been pregnant,

but...

I mean,

they didn't want to

come in.

Come on.

People hate on Snooki

way too much.

She's a dumb girl.

She is what she is.

I don't know.

You know,

it's just like,

seriously,

I just want to know

what happened with Snooki.

What's the big deal?

Tell me.

Hey,

dingbats can get pregnant too.

They will have a right

to get pregnant.

even you can get a girl pregnant if you wanted to hey retard can do it i guess so

all right moving right along shame on you for shame on you for knowing who snooki is milkman

i thought i thought higher of you than that oh i was just kidding i don't know anything

about you sure you expected more from you man milkman all right gordon downing in liverpool

england is this some uk calls here come on mikey 129's here what's your problem mikey 129 you

an echo today on your phone no no in the chat room about to post the link why the whole coney

thing's a whole bunch of garbage i'll put on there right now do that i'm gonna see by 4chan

they know everything 4chan i spent a year hanging out not hanging out in 4chan but just going there

regularly for fun and i just uh it's in the thing excessive you're bored with it dude and that one

guy from lolsa got in trouble he ratted out a bunch of people right sabu holy shit he sold

Sold out a bunch of the lolsec arm of anonymous.

Hello, is this Gordon and Downing?

Are you Gordon?

Hi, I'm a friend of Gordon.

I'd like to talk to him.

I wanted to talk to him about kissing.

And they go.

Call him back.

Another one hangs up the phone.

I know, but you can barely hear her.

Stupid old lady.

Stupid old lady, what's your problem?

I don't care for her.

We got Gordon Edwards.

We'll call him instead.

Gordon, this is Cross.

May I speak with Gordon, please?

This is Cross.

Put Gordon on the phone.

I don't care.

I have a clock.

I know what time it is.

I don't need to speak to you, woman.

Put Gordon on the phone.

No.

What?

What's the problem with your wife?

Huh?

She doesn't have to be rude to me when I'm talking on the phone.

You understand?

I can't hear.

Your wife doesn't need to be rude when I'm talking on the phone, you stupid shit.

You horse.

What?

Your wife is a stupid horse.

Okay, goodbye.

Yeah, kiss my ass.

Welcome to voicemail.

The person you have...

Welcome to voicemail.

The person you have called is on the phone

Please leave a message after

We're not on the phone, they just hung up

Welcome to voicemail

The person you have called is on the phone

Yeah, big fucking deal

Alright, Gordon Finley instead here in England

Let's give them a call

I'm about ready for a vacation, might get away

You've only been to work for a month

I know, well like a weekend vacation, you know

Like a three day weekend, just gotta get away

It's not away from work

It's away from Pennsylvania

Yes, I need to speak with Gordon please

Please, don't give me any mess.

I'm not here to talk with you.

I'm here to talk to Gordon.

Who is this?

This is business for Gordon.

My name is Stanley.

We don't want to speak to you.

It's too early in the morning.

No, he's expecting my call.

You shut up and put him on the phone, you stupid.

I'm going to take a different approach.

Welcome to voicemail.

The person you have called is unavailable.

Please leave a message after the tone.

No answer there.

We'll call Anthony instead now.

Anthony Bacchanal.

Let's do it.

Man, my knee hurts.

I banged my knee today.

It hurts.

Shit, I need some painkillers.

I'll drink beer instead.

To a leaf, last all day.

Yes, hi, is this Anthony?

Anthony, I'm calling from the Royal Petrol National Association.

I hope you understand that the price of petrol is very high right now.

Do you know what time it is?

I don't care, I have a clock.

You don't have to tell me, okay?

About five in the morning.

I don't care.

Don't tell me that information.

I'm not calling to find out the time, okay?

I don't want to talk to you about five in the morning.

Well, listen, this is important.

and it's about this price of petrol.

I don't give a stuff about the price of petrol.

Shut up.

Don't you call me at half past five in the morning.

I'll call you all night.

You're opening the whole house up.

Listen.

Children are.

How many children?

How old are they?

Never mind.

It's twenty to six in the morning.

Where do you call them from?

I'm calling from the United States.

Well, listen, don't you call at this hour.

Please, listen.

You pick a proper time to call.

This is important business I'm talking about, okay?

Hang it up.

I'm going to get the police on to you.

Shut up.

Put your wife on the phone

so I can get her a horny.

Oh, boy.

She's sending some kind of code.

Emergency police message.

Nunu says, for UK calls, I should call

as a gypsy

selling driveways.

Driveways, okay.

Like a pikey? I guess.

Gypsy Irish travelers.

The person you have called is on the phone.

Shut up, fatty.

The person you have called is on the phone.

Please leave a message after the

time that ain't gonna work all right we got another anthony we got a whole bunch of anthony's

all right good let's do it hey carlita how come you were sandbagging uh katie k last week

that's what i was saying it was acting weird why don't we just talk sandbagging

he wasn't i know you were just like you're just like this is the name and he's like

why are you sandbagging me does he need like does he need to go to makeup first

before he makes phone calls?

I know. I was like, dude,

here's the name,

the city and the country,

and yeah, there you go.

Does he want the color of the house?

I don't know what he needed.

I don't know.

Because he does the same exact things on his show.

The same way. He gets the same numbers from the same guy.

He'll slap me.

We should call him.

I'll get all upset if I call him.

Welcome to voicemail.

The person you have called is unavailable.

Please leave a message after the tone

Alright, no answer there

Moving right along

What number was that?

Ending in 5-6

Anthony Crosby in England

The one and only

Coming right up, yeah

Ask if he knows about the warlord, Coney

That's a pretty weak name for a warlord, man

Let's see, his name is Joseph Coney

Hello, Anthony

Hello

Yes, hi, is this Anthony?

Yes, I'm with the National Time Association

I'm just going to let you know the time.

It's 5.43 in the morning.

You.

You, asshole.

You little monkey.

Nice.

I'm supposed to what?

I'm supposed to be a gypsy?

Is that what Nunu said?

I'm getting a message.

There is a problem with the call.

Hold on while we try to get the call back.

All right, I'm going to hang up, everyone.

I'm going to call Milkman back.

Everyone regroup, all right?

Regrouping now.

Regroup.

Everybody stand by while I reconnect Milkman and the rest of the conference.

Thank you.

Just a moment.

I'll play a song.

Dirty Aaron, the first one back.

Hello.

Congratulations, you're the first one.

For some reason, it says pending contact request.

Please enjoy the following music while your party is being reached.

Cut off again, dammit.

No, no, it's cool.

Skype problem.

I had to reconvene.

Anthony.

Yes, hi, is this Anthony?

Hi, my name is Charles.

I'm an Irish traveler gypsy man.

I'm calling to sell you a driveway.

I'd make a good driveway for you.

I'd use...

I would drive with the council.

Yeah, I was going to make a driveway for you, though,

to lead up to your house no one's in the house i'm in his council property oh so they won't you

have a driveway no i don't have a driveway well wouldn't it be nice if i made a driveway for you

then you could bend over with your pants in front of it and i could drive a car up your ass what

the fuck is the council oh my god the council dirty aaron are you there i lost everybody yeah

what the fuck i couldn't hear anything on the other end though it says conhold what the hell

Maybe you have to shut Skype down altogether.

I'm going to have to shut Skype down.

Milkman, can you hear me still?

All I could hear was you talking last time.

Really?

Oh, shit.

All right.

Shutting Skype down, bringing it back up.

We'll try again.

Okay.

All right.

Milkman, you're back.

Hey, man.

Sorry.

Hey, brother.

Some of your weird issues.

I'm sorry, man.

I'm working on it.

Dirty Aaron's here.

Oh, man.

I'm sorry.

Shake it off, brother.

Shake it off.

No worries.

You there, Dirty Aaron, sir?

Yes.

Techo Dillick P. Kelty's over.

All right.

Good deal.

I wanted to share with you guys, Milkman, one of your good friends here, MadhouseSecretSourceTheArm coming through.

Oh, yeah.

Some very special information here.

Now, Milkman, I know you're a big fan of Blackout.

B-O, buddy, B-O.

Okay.

Well, we've got some information here in regards to Blackout coming in from MadhouseSecretSourceTheArm.

Apparently, this is Blackout's hacked voicemail.

so apparently someone hacked blackout's voicemail and has sent me all his voicemails from his cell

phone oh my god should we be playing this i mean we've had five years of peace with blackout yeah

i can't i can't do this to blackout man holy shit oh my god so yeah someone uh so they just

recorded all that or you have the yeah apparently someone got into my into blackout's uh voicemail

recorded all his voicemail wow um yeah that's all i got i can't sorry man

that's the arm for you the arm does not hold back the arm is fucking crazy

now no everyone knows it unbridled uncontrolled yeah baz everyone knows michael bagans is black

it's on his website everyone knows michael bagans everyone everyone knows this god baz you know

Yeah, no, he's pretty good.

Yo, yo, baby.

Michael Biggins, a.k.a.

If you go to Wikipedia, it says Michael Biggins, a.k.a. Blackout.

Yeah, I think you're going to have to edit this out of the podcast.

I know, yeah, I'm not going to do that.

I can't do that.

I can't.

I can't sell out a brother prank call like that.

I was even on his show recently, you know.

I can't do that to him.

I mean, is anything even funny like that, Patrick?

all right let's listen who blackout is for those who don't know enigma says blackout is uh

well blackout is michael biggins michael biggins blackout.com blackout uh he uh all right here's

it all blackout uh one of the old original prank callers back in a braille building him and kdk

and all them guys the old guys old crew the first generation of internet prank callers

blackout lays claim his claim to fame well there's a lot of people who they claim to be the first

when it comes to internet prank calls i was the first i was this i was that blackout's claim is

that he was the first prank call on the internet he had the first website that had recorded prank

calls in real audio format on the internet and he's got the proof he's got the domain registrations

and all that he can prove it do i do i think necessarily that's the case no i think he's

is the one they can claim.

And I'm sure before he was on there,

there were prank calls circulating on the internet

before that, back in the 90s.

Yeah, what about Dr. Leggo?

Leggo says he did prank call shows like in 95.

Do I believe that?

I don't know.

I know I did a prank call show in 98.

Yeah, but he made that Spencer's intake.

Yeah, well, that's not a prank call thing.

Is it the shitting?

Nah, that's something else.

I don't know.

What about the Jerky Boys?

Jerky Boys, didn't they?

I don't think they really...

They weren't internet related.

They were just...

Jerky Boys just started.

There were just some tapes that got circulated around and they got famous.

They were pre-internet.

Yeah, but they posted it early on the internet in the 90s.

Well, I'm sure their stuff was on the internet.

I'm sure they had a website at some point.

That was before the internet.

I mean, technically, with my prank call knowledge, the first prank calls, the earliest that

that were circulated around would have been the red tube bar prank calls those were the first

because that's like 70s and shit i think i want to say that the two bars like late yeah that's

70s dude that's definitely 70s yeah and those tapes were going around like bootlegged um intensely

like 70s and 80s those were like the first prank call on whatever media you want to say

tapes or whatever it was back then

that was that guy he was on Howard

that's all there was

well that guy

he explained the story on Stern

like in 2007 he said he basically

he made it you know him and his friend

they were prank calling the red tube they made a tape

out of it they gave it to a friend

and their friend gave it to another friend

and it went all over the country like some

freaking phenomenon and he didn't get any

money for it

and he re-released some mastered

uh on a cd thing and to make some money off of it i don't know if he ever did but in my estimation

the original like when it comes to stuff like that it would have been that guy whatever his

name is tube bar would have been the first after that i don't know who i guess the guy who liked

to do like the phone tricks man in there and you know what was that guys always give him a heart

jim bob jim bob well that was later that was later that was that was 90s that was like 97

I was at 90, but I thought that was like 80s.

I could be wrong.

Again, I might not be right.

Like, the first time I went over to a bar, and then, like,

then after that, all I remember is, like,

I learned about the Jerky Boys my freshman year in high school.

Andy, I met Andy in a Spanish class, and he was like, check these out.

And I was like, oh, cool.

No, no, no, bullshit.

It was my other, I had two roommates in college,

and we were friends from high school.

Andy, our other friend Mike, the neck, and me.

and mike the neck is the guy he he found the jerky boys and he gave me a tape he made a copy of it

and i was like that was the first jerky boys album i was like oh my god this is fucking funny

that's when i first got exposed to prank i mean i would do prank calls to my friends but that was

the first i heard of someone recording him and giving him out and stuff like that um i think

as far as i know jerky boys after that and then that's when i started buying jerky boys albums

because every year a jerky boys album just about will come out in the 90s and i don't think it was

was anybody else really doing that back then man it was just jerky boys jerky boys blew up they had

the movie and all that and the mtv stuff um there was some black guy that did prank like i remember

like i would go to the mall every once in a while i would go to the to the sam goody and i would look

in the comedy section for prank calls and i would only find jerky boys and one day like i was there

and the guy was like you could i help you i was like yeah i'm looking i was curious if there's

any more jerky boy stuff it's like no but there's this guy here buy this it's only nine

bucks i'm like okay and it was like some black guy and it was a black guy doing prank calls and

it really sucked oh was it a ricky smiley no no it was like he was he was just an old black guy i

swear to god a legit old black guy he wasn't like a young guy trying to make the voice it was a

legitimate at least to me at the time it certainly was a real old black guy doing prank calls and he

made an album out of it i only i never remembered who it was ever since then i don't know and then

there was always the radio stuff like you had yeah ricky smiley um came after that there was

the other one there was some there there was who were those prank calls back in the 90s also

they were on some radio station and they they released them on tape they got it was the same

thing no it was the same thing all the time it was like how big a boy are you what the fuck was

is that those suck so bad oh shit yeah god damn it man roy d mercer that's what yeah

yeah and they all suck too but i mean it was something roy d mercer and then after that

what else could you get back then and then after the internet became big and then everyone started

doing the thing um yeah and this is where i get mad that's where i well i know a few weeks ago

go i sound like kind of sore at johnny brennan but it's like i was saying he came back after all that

time and he's acting like he's mr prank calls like dude you got a lot of people that exploded

the prank call scene you and you have different sections of it like there are so many prank

callers out there right now um you've got the whole pcu blackout kdk ted dr lego zolar me

me, our little group

that did shit, right?

Then you got the PrankNet people

that made the news and been really

crazy with their fucking... You got the PLA

side of stuff. Those prank calls

that got circulated in the late 90s,

early 2000s, and up to now.

We're kind of together now a little bit.

I'm in tight

with PLA, but KDK

is going to get involved with that and stuff like that.

There's a whole bunch of other

prank call sites out there.

Over the week...

Oh, Crank Yankers, too.

Crank, yeah, that's right.

And Touchstone Terrorists, also.

They almost hit as big.

That guy almost hit as big as the Jerky Boys.

Not quite.

He had some pretty good-selling albums.

He did stuff with Howard.

He did the stuff on the Crank Yankers show.

He made it pretty big, not as big.

Yeah, that's right.

And then there's all the radio shows that did their own prank calls,

which, for the most part, in my estimation, are all fake.

I hate to break it to you.

like i just know from doing prank calls myself since 2005 and even before that when i was uh

just recording them with my answering machine in the year or two before that before i did a show

the woman or the black woman that's heard in the back seat yeah well that was uh wanda sykes

but that well that was a group that was like jimmy kimmel and adam carolla and stuff they

would get together and do pranks and release them here and there on the internet and then

they made crankyackers out of that kind of you know like it was a conglomeration like some of

them here like because like touchstone terrorists got involved with them and all that stuff uh for

a while that was that's the you know this whole little bits and the prank call thing is pretty big

and and i just really think johnny brennan at the very least should acknowledge that you know i mean

i'm like saying like johnny brennan johnny b whatever you want to call yourself mr jerky boy

acknowledge this this it's a big prank call culture out there and you're not the only prank

and call her out there that's all i'm saying and give me my interview that i that you promised me

that even if it wasn't you it was your people someone from your side over there said you know

promote this podcast that johnny brandon's gonna bring out and we'll let you you know he's gonna

be on your show you can talk about it and ask him whatever you want or you be on his show and ask

him whatever never got it never heard back i found him on i found him on skype he's what's his name

him on skype jerky boys johnny on skype everyone if you're on skype add jerky boys johnny and tell

him to be on madhouse radio do that and i'm gonna do that right now for his interview yeah i'm yeah

at the very least i want to talk to jerky boys johnny that's all i'm saying you know i just got

hate mail you got hate mail msc one of them back statuses msc three places kdk says the

friday night cranks you know they're not you know that that that it's isn't that a guy and

and the chick you know they're the i i think that prank calls are prank calls it's good keep the

scene going as long as it's positive uh just what the what the prank net people are doing isn't cool

man i mean it's cool that you're doing prank calls yeah this shit is funny yeah but they're

taking and making destructive motions out here's yeah that's it's the guys that break out the

yeah stupid and dangerous yeah it's cool that you're doing prank calls and yeah they're funny

and a lot of this stuff isn't like that you do stuff that's not violent and destructive and

that's cool but the problem that you're not seeing is that the the pranks that they've done

that have made the news and have cost thousands upon thousands of dollars of damage all they're

going to do if it if it gets and it almost got that out of hand for a while if it gets to that

point it's going to destroy this because the fbi and this and and the governments are all going to

go after prank calls

on the internet in every shape

and form. You're not going to be able to get a domain

register down on it. Anybody

who's doing prank calls is going to have to pull them down

because they're going to get... You know what I mean?

It's going to destroy the fun for everybody.

That's just like when Prank Master was doing the bomb threads

on a couple.

What kind of idiot is that?

It's cool. I'm sure at least one of those people

listens to these shows or whatever

or has or some of those

listeners listen to this stuff that we do here.

um i'm not hating i'm just saying it's gonna destroy for everybody and if you want to be

rebels and be like anonymous or whatever you want to do and and and do your shit go ahead but it's

just it's gonna ruin the fun for everybody just my thought friday night cranks they're okay they're

pretty good i i don't i i don't like the fact that that website seems to be a lot of that not

it's not a carbon copy of the manhouse site but a lot of the ideas that run around on friday night

that cranks is like verbatim what i've been doing like i've got requests to prank they've got prank

request something like that like like i was the first to have like a form like you go to their

site it's like use the forum it's like request a prank and all the questions are the same

like on the request a prank form almost that they have there i've changed mine since then

so it's not the same but like it's it's it's like obviously blatant like they're trying to

steal a good formula well that's fine it's fine by me as long as you're doing pranks dude go for

it you know i you know i i would i would like it if you guys acknowledge madhouse and pla and

everyone else if we all got together and made a community that'd be really cool you know i think

we would all benefit from uh collusion just a little bit i don't think there's a need for all

the prank callers after to be so like oh no no no i don't acknowledge you no you know what i mean

like it's you know sometimes it's like that with a prank call game right it's like no no no no i'm

the coolest i'm the best i'm the only one and my listeners shouldn't listen to you guys we should

You'd all be separate.

You know what I mean?

And your shit sucks because my shit's the best.

There's no need for that.

It's way too small of a market.

It's never going to grow that way.

So I'm allowed to listen to other prank call shows besides Madhouse?

Sure, man.

Oh my gosh, I didn't know that.

But promote Madhouse while you're there.

For like three months.

While you're there, promote Madhouse.

Oh, yo, Friday Night Cranks is like the same

except that they like beg for money every spot that they can.

yeah friday night cranks shoes for yeah i know

know right friday night crank belt buckles yeah i know but one of those guys was here he was in

the madhouse chat room not too long ago maybe about a month ago i think it was him people said

it was him he seemed to be him he seemed to be a cool dude um i've never seen their live show or

listened to it i've heard the pranks some of them are good some of them are long-winded like kdk

says um but no negative comments of mine i've never had a chance to listen because i i don't

like when it comes to friday that's me and my wife's time you know we either going out to red

Red Robin and getting some burgers, or, you know, we're out, we go to the Swingers Club,

stuff like that.

Whoa.

He is back.

What are you talking about?

He did a show Saturday.

Hello.

Hey, how you doing?

Hello.

Yes, hi, how are you?

You should come visit sometime.

Is this Ruth?

Yes, hi, this is Cross.

Is this Ruth?

Yes.

Yes, I wish you should come over and visit sometime.

We can have some red wine.

What's your name?

My name is Ruth.

Yes, my name is Joseph.

Who?

Joseph.

Joey.

Joseph who?

Who?

Joseph.

Joseph Dukakis.

I don't know you.

Well, I know you, Ruth.

Come on.

We got coffee.

Which country are you from?

Well, I'm from the United States, but I live in Liverpool, England.

You know me, right?

From where?

Yeah.

From the, you know, we have, from the end of the coffee.

You know coffee?

No.

You've got the wrong number.

No, listen, Ruth.

I don't mean to be brash here, but I find you attractive.

You have a nice pair of legs on you, you know?

You're a bit crazy.

I've got no idea who you are.

What's a talk like that?

Crazy about you.

I don't know you.

Can I kiss you all over your body?

Oh, for goodness sake.

Would you like it?

That's the usual response I get when I talk to women.

Very cheeky.

Softy, mate.

Yeah.

The usual response I get is getting kicked.

You usually get kicked, yeah.

Milkman's usual response is pepper spray to the face.

We're all winners here when it comes to that.

Poor Milkman over there.

He just looks at a woman like, hi.

oh boy guys the prank call world is it's it's a it's a fun little it's a little thing would you

like a little salt with your pepper my new is the next one to get banned pretty soon here

telling you i expect i didn't expect anything of you know mpsa saying i wonder if carlito can do

a prank new says i should do pranks being rude i'm gonna have to make uh uh visit back it's gonna

have to guys don't straighten out clean up come on man straighten these people out what's the

the thing nunu was supposed to you know my trusted guy in the chat room he lets it go out of control

today i just i don't know what's going on really really disappointed i dare milkman to come back

i'm really disappointed in nunu also tonight very let down let that in a lot of you tonight to be

honest you guys don't remember you see i i don't fool around whatever respects your power milkman

anymore sell out hello ruth ruth hello may i speak with ruth please so this is ruth's boyfriend joe

Yes, I'm Joey. I'm Ruth's boyfriend.

I've been talking to her for two weeks now.

May I speak with her?

Yeah.

You got the wrong number, mate?

No, Ruth Lafferty?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's my girl.

Her boyfriend, Joey Dukakis.

What time it is?

No, I'm calling from Chicago, Illinois.

We have an internet relationship.

Sorry, mate.

No, listen, come on.

You're talking to her right now.

Let me talk to her.

Please?

Ruthie?

Wow.

Okay.

Can I get a crack at it?

Huh?

You want a crack at it?

Yeah, I'm going to go with the same premise as you.

All right, we'll see if they answer.

Calling them back.

I doubt they're going to answer.

We've got more Ruths.

Don't worry.

Ruth?

Hi, you've reached Ruth.

Hello.

Oh, hi.

All right, I'll call a different Ruth.

Richie, take this away.

All right, you take it.

Okay.

Do-do-do-do-do-do.

That sounds like it's going to be in my head now.

Is Ruth?

Is this Ruth?

Hello.

Hello there, Ruth.

Who is it?

Do you know who this is?

You told me to call.

This is Joseph.

Joseph Skrigley.

Who?

Come on, Joseph Squiggly.

No, you've got the wrong phone number.

No, I don't. This is Ruth.

You told me that you loved me this morning on the internet.

You typed it to me on the instant messenger on the internet machine.

No.

Yeah, you did.

Don't play hard to get. Come on.

No, I don't know anything about it.

I think you do.

I think you knew everything about it. You just don't want to tell me.

She's embarrassed. It's alright.

Damn.

I'd be embarrassed too if I had a relationship with a 14-year-old.

It's alright man

Richie you know

One day you'll go to college

You'll do drugs

Experimenting

It's cool

Yep

Experimenting with sperm and drugs

Experimenting with condoms

Ruth

Yes

Yes I'm calling to invite you to the party

Sorry

The party yes

There's a party

The pants party

Who's party

It's in the pants

Party what

Party in the pants

Pants party

You're invited

You're coming

Out there one more time

Bone thuggish in the house

What's up bone thuggish

and see you walk in. In the chat room,

I should say. Bone thug.

1-11, man. It's past time, but I'm still

doing it. I got nothing else to do. Whatever.

Felix slacking tomorrow at work.

You too. You too.

Whatever. The pink cloud is over.

Now it's just time to slack off. You're one

to talk. I wish I'd go back to school

like you. I don't have to worry about shit.

I don't know. Things are different now. You get into a fight

in school, they'll arrest you. Back when I was a kid,

still. You got in a fight, you got suspended,

and then you got to stay home for three days.

It wasn't a big deal.

now they'll tase you

in a fucking school

and take you away

in handcuffs

what the fuck

oh they even did away

with paddling

what happened to that

from the past time

teacher paddle me

I'd kick a teacher's ass

to try to paddle me

yeah I would do

I would do the same thing

but yeah there's like

I got paddled so bad

that my ass

angel like me

being punished

it wasn't a paddle man

they told you it was a paddle

yeah they

you got touched

yeah they touched

my death

with the damn holes

in it

god

they put speed beetles

and you're like

trying to hold back

let's put speed holes in it yeah man the real bitch had these had these like see when i was

like like around when i was in high school like yeah i had a teacher he was telling us in class

like you know you know you guys talk bad about this paddling thing but like now you guys get

suspended in detention and stuff but like we used to give you an option like if you wanted like you

know he said that he would paddle the kid like back then it wasn't a big deal like he would do it

he just hit you three times and you wouldn't have to worry about getting suspended or getting

in trouble and like they wouldn't tell your parents i always used to take the paddling

that my dad would be oh so they paddle you then they tell you that your parents that you got

paddled no no no no if you got paddled they didn't say and their parents showed up for like pta you

know you want to talk you're in trouble yeah dude that was yeah that's the whole thing yeah i never

got suspended i need to talk to you you know and sure that they got suspended god damn you know i

got one time i never got suspended i got detention once because i brought in fake dog shit and i

I put it in a teacher's table or on her desk, and I got in trouble for that.

I got detention.

I never got suspended, though.

I got threatened with suspension like once or twice, but I never got in trouble.

I was pretty well-mannered in high school.

By the time I hit high school, I played football and stuff.

I never really.

Well, someone mentioned it.

Oh, man.

Wasn't it your original?

The football team, man.

I told you.

Whenever, I'd always, like, come here, you know.

It's like, I take one of each hand.

No, they had jokers like that when I played football.

I'll tell you a true story here real quick,

quick and we'll do like two or three more prank calls we'll call it a night one of my prank call

names ralph littlejohn i haven't used it in a while but that's a real guy when i played football

in high school there was a filipino kid fat filipino kid and he talked like the dead he had

that whatever that is you know hey man how you doing he talked like that and ralph um he would

always fuck around man and he would show up late and he would show up late to we'd all be out there

practicing and doing our warm-ups and he show up late the coach is getting a man at it i remember

and he showed up at the end.

We told him, Ralph, all right, you've got to bring the cones with you.

You've got to set up the cones.

It was an important job.

Whoever got the cones, you had to set them up before practice.

And if those cones weren't there when the coach made it out to the field,

we were all doing like sprawls, up-downs, where you run a place

and he whistles, he blows a whistle, and you've got to jump on the ground flat.

Like a fucking squat threat.

Yeah.

They carry up.

Well, we had to do 100 of them once because, you know,

We're out there, and we're already...

Yeah, but 100 punishment, and then 100 for the normal facts.

Well, that was right before we started doing our warm-ups and stuff.

We already got to do a bunch of laps as it is,

and then we got to do a whole 100 fucking up-downs.

And we're out there, and we're like, where's the fucking cones?

And Ralph's got the cones.

We're like, ah, shit.

And then we see the fucking coach coming out.

He's like, where's the cones?

Baller, goddammit.

100 up-downs.

And we're out there halfway through the up-downs,

and we see Ralph coming slow as fuck with all the cones and shit.

and no but this is bad no we we we whooped his ass like you ever see um uh fucking what's that

vietnam movie where they beat up private pile with the soap the soap party full metal jacket

we just about did that to him man like like at that scene like after practice like we're in the

locker room and they tied him up and we all started beating him with all our equipment and

shit and he was crying and all this shit and then his dad came in his dad was like this world world

two vet he came in the next day he's like these fuckers beat up my boy you know and shit you know

i'm like we don't give a fuck he never did that shit again though man he used to fuck around all

the time and and all that and yeah we beat his ass but i actually i'm cool i used to like ralph

and we're um i actually talked to him a lot on facebook now he's a trucker he's a good guy i

mean he's just a little slow uh at least he taught he wasn't a slow in the head he had good grades

and stuff but he was just slow talking but man we uh we hazed him really bad because he fucked

man he fucked us up that day we're all pissed off man well you don't get away with that shit

in our team man we fucked his ass up yeah but that was bad that was a good old days man you

clear that man you know you get some of the big guys man you're right but ain't no coach around

you know you could mix it up man you know you want to throw some wrestling moves in throw karate

movie.

Coach knew, too.

Coach is new.

They encouraged it

almost.

The coach is kind

of encouraging him.

Like, you got to

get this guy.

And then they

would tell on you.

That was the one

that Angie would

tell.

Our coach is going

to give a shit.

Our coach is going

to give a shit.

They let us get

away with it because

they knew we needed

to get his ass in

gear.

They're like, do

it.

Go for it, Hazel.

He had his ass

in gear.

He never fucked

up again.

But his dad came

in and everything.

Coach is like,

where did she

go?

He's like,

what are you

talking about?

But he didn't tell us.

If it was unhappy, he should have told us.

Nope, sorry.

It says right here.

Nope, it didn't come up.

Did you hear anything, Coach Johnson?

Nope.

Coach Worthington?

Nope.

Nope, didn't happen.

He never fucked up.

I used to do that shit on the wrestling team, too, man.

I was like one fucking hell of a wrestler.

I started working out with my weights.

I'm like, great.

I was like, I just can't.

Taking my supplements, all of a sudden, I started getting shit.

All these motherfuckers used to beat my ass.

These guys, the guys, clear down.

I was like.

That's dirty.

Well, look.

I did time.

It was my day.

Well, on that note,

note i think we'll end the show here i'm gonna have to drop you guys except for milkman because

he he gets priority gets in the show um i'm trying to do uk calls and this is none of not

enough skype credit and skype skype will automatically redo the credit but it'll take

a few minutes and it's late it's 120 i gotta work tomorrow so yeah you gotta work it's gonna happen

out a good show there you go well richie's gone already but dirty aaron this is your time goodbye

sir have a good night thanks for being on hey goodbye dirty aaron's gone milkman you want

Want to get us out of here, man?

Once again, you know what?

It's something we do every week, and that means

that there's going to be another good show coming up.

So let's try here every week

for you. Why? Because we love you.

The most interactive show that you can find here

on the internet. All we do is we

ask that you give us the time,

and we'll drop the time, drop the dime

on the motherfuckers.

You just bring your friends, or bring your enemies.

You're always welcome here at the Madhouse.

I'd like to thank our special,

Special, special hitman of the numbers, man.

The number's hitman.

Hello, Tim Lewis.

It's a bit.

We're going to have to put you in there.

We know we love you, but, you know, you're going to have to bring these newbies back

I have a parent-teacher conference in Nunu.

That's right.

You've got to keep my chat room in line.

I'd also like to thank all the people that contributed and gave us the numbers of the

request to prank fans, some of the guest callers.

I'd like to also thank our friends over at Cacti.

Ted Webb was making an action tonight.

Ted Webb and his crazy long-ass URL.

What is it?

BluePlanetPrankRadioMachine.net

There you go, .com, not net.

BlueWaffle.net

His new website is BlueWaffle.net

Great site.

There you go.

Like the fake chemist and all the other guys

that go live on the interview,

he's got to get on to the current situation right here.

The madhouse has been running rampant

over the quiet allow.

And we're still here coming next week.

Look for us here, same bat count, same bat time.

But do not forget our famous leader,

Opie Madhouse.

Much love to you.

Thank you, Milkman.

Much love to you.

That's Milkman over there, Milkman.com.

Check him out.

We're going to call it a night here.

Thanks, everyone, for tuning in.

Everyone who sent in pranks, Lonesome Loser also.

Prank requests, rather.

Got as many as I could.

And, yeah, whatever.

There you go.

Yeah, Zolar does do shows.

You were mentioning he did a show Saturday.

It was pretty good.

Okay.

He's a battle camp.

I just come out of the loop, you know.

I don't know who's going to watch these.

I just miss him, you know, because, like, sometimes he used to pop in.

And I was just hoping maybe that would prompt him to, like, stop in and say hello.

Because he's still very much loved over here.

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

He's got a site.

I think it's Zolarpranks.com.

Yeah, it is Zolarpranks.com.

Is Stonedog still doing his stuff?

What is Stonedog?

What was his Earthdog?

Yeah, I think Earthdog's still with him, yeah.

They never talk on the air together, but he still backs him up, yeah, so he's still there.

I don't think I ever did hear his voice.

He would never talk, but, yeah, he was always kind of in the scene.

Yep, like Nunu.

There you go.

And, yeah, there you go.

What else can I say?

I don't know.

What else is going on?

That's about it.

Visit all that stuff.

MadHouseLive.com.

Also, yeah, just to repeat, to reiterate, please go to the Madhouse.

I think I'm turning Chinese.

The Madhouse Radio YouTube channel, Madhouse Radio on YouTube.

Much appreciated.

it. Leave a comment in the channel

and also leave

comments and hit like

on the videos there. It would be much

appreciated. I'm going to

try to be more active on YouTube here also.

And I'll tell you... Oh yeah, Armando,

we had a special guest too from Germany.

He's Moe. Thank you so much. Also

do not forget Jim Stewart. We miss you.

Miss InAction. Please come back.

Back to you, Armando. Thank you. And we're done.

Good night, everybody. We'll catch you next time. Good night, everybody.

Oh, Richie's back. All right, bye, Richie.

Bye, little man.

Calls (35, 1 h 35 min of 3 h 23 min)

Transcript

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