MadhouseSearch

He’s Kissing a Man on the Bed

15 Mar 2012 · 2 h 23 min · 19,863 words · source

Calls (37, 1 h 23 min of 2 h 23 min)
  1. Bulgarian caller asked to masturbate live 1.1 min clip ↓
  2. BBC switchboard asked about moving live 2.9 min clip ↓
  3. Military member reports movie piracy on TV live 9.6 min clip ↓
  4. Calling RIAA-MPA hotline for Spanish help live 1.6 min clip ↓
  5. Skype call with error message ivr 41 s clip ↓
  6. Bank call about Ashley's whereabouts live 2.4 min clip ↓
  7. Call to Zyklon after missed call live 35 s clip ↓
  8. Evil Artie on air about American Express card live 49 s clip ↓
  9. Bank call about father's horse debt live 3.9 min clip ↓
  10. Wrong number angry about horse papers live 2.1 min clip ↓
  11. Indian restaurant order prank live 1.0 min clip ↓
  12. Indian restaurant order prank live 1.1 min clip ↓
  13. Indian restaurant closing time complaint live 53 s clip ↓
  14. Bombay Grill reconnect and insult battle live 3.8 min clip ↓
  15. Alma Fine Dining closed and insult exchange live 1.1 min clip ↓
  16. Iron Horse Motel room inquiry live 1.4 min clip ↓
  17. The Horse bar called by Carlito live 1.6 min clip ↓
  18. Motel room rates asked live 1.2 min clip ↓
  19. Golden Corral complaint call live 2.4 min clip ↓
  20. Golden Corral manager asked about microwave fire live 2.6 min clip ↓
  21. Golden Corral asked closing time and name live 5.4 min clip ↓
  22. Milkman on phone after orgasm live 51 s clip ↓
  23. Richie tells story about wife and car live 1.3 min clip ↓
  24. British Office of Time Management prank call live 3.8 min clip ↓
  25. Calling Robert about time change live 2.6 min clip ↓
  26. Photography business prank about porn movies live 3.2 min clip ↓
  27. Jump Street movie discussion live 1.0 min clip ↓
  28. Christian missionary prank in Tokyo live 1.0 min clip ↓
  29. UK Ted about Japan and teaching live 1.0 min clip ↓
  30. Worcester horse trailer sale live 1.0 min clip ↓
  31. Prank request for Richie live 1.2 min clip ↓
  32. Age of consent discussion and UK voting system live 2.1 min clip ↓
  33. Porno Street caller mistaken about location live 9.1 min clip ↓
  34. Peter Brass accused of dumping porn live 1.1 min clip ↓
  35. Peter Crosley woken at 4:30 a.m. live 1.1 min clip ↓
  36. Peter Crosley questioned about porn DVDs live 2.6 min clip ↓
  37. Waggon and Horses accused of dumping porn live 1.9 min clip ↓

Transcript

There is no Todd here. There is no horse.
Mother and son are coming in front of me. I get you, I fuck you right now.
And you're a son of a dog.
First of all, I don't appreciate this tone that you're holding with me.
I don't owe you money. My dad does for some strange reason.
I'll punch you in the face.
Shut up, bastard.
Yeah, fuck. Fuck you, bastard.
Fuck you, bastard.
Yeah, son of a bitch.
Who the fuck is this?
Motherfucker, who is this?
You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.
You motherfucking prick!
Hey, hermanito, que fue, que fue?
Que fue, que fue.
How you doing, my brother?
You're sounding good as ever.
You're sounding happy as ever?
The melodious tone.
Thank you, milkman.
I appreciate it.
Thank you, sir.
You sound good also.
You sound nice and hot.
Aroused.
Thank you, my friend.
Thank you, my friend.
The temperature is high.
The temperature is high.
The fromage.
And it's only 50 degrees here.
The fromage, monsieur.
There's like an extra 210 degrees there, like boiling.
So what's that make it?
260?
60, the combination.
Yeah.
Yeah, there you go.
280, there you go.
All right.
Well, thanks, everyone, for joining us tonight.
Madhouse Radio will provide you with prank calls, talk, and the like.
It'll be a good night tonight, hopefully.
Better than the last two weeks have been kind of weak.
We'll do our thing.
If you'd like, you can send in your prank request.
MadhouseLive.com is a place to begin your adventure when it comes to this show.
And there you can send your prank request for us.
If you want to hit up Carlito here.
madhouse radio on aol or yahoo instant messenger and it's madhouse radio on aol or yahoo instant
messenger if you're using msn messenger madhouse at live.com a whole bunch of ways and of course
the request to prank uh form is available as always in madhouse live.com a lot of people
have already jumped the gun uh so to say not in a bad way though i've already uh let's say they've
already led the pack let's be positive and i've sent to the request to prank so we got a lot of
stuff to get to here tonight things to talk about perhaps um ipad gets released at midnight uh
walmart announced earlier tonight there will be opening their doors well they're already open
but they'll start selling the ipad at midnight as far as i don't know if any of the other
electronic stores milk but i don't know if you know but i don't know if any of the other
electronic stores are doing a midnight sale the ipad 3 i think i just said two i was wrong three
ipad 3 i know walmart's doing i don't know if best buy or the apple stores are going to be
opening up at 12 midnight tonight but that's something we can do we can prank call them
have fun walmart's always fun to talk talk to and have fun with right milkman are you there
what's going on you're busy you're getting busy yeah no milkman milkman put us on mute milkman's
finding the g-spot all right you're watching the video you saw me showing all you guys how to find
the g-spot it's very easy all the ladies in the chat room can tell you it's a very important thing
to know ask dark stranger she knows she doesn't have one probably i propose to dark stranger uk
UK Ted's in the chatroom.
Let's hear it for UK Ted.
I just proposed a dark stranger.
I propositioned dark stranger.
Kissed a little man in the boat, UK Ted says.
That's not the G spot, man.
That's the C spot.
Yeah.
What happened today?
Something happened today.
Oh, yeah.
I'm wearing the magic hat because you jerks in the chatroom don't give a care about basketball and NBA and Orlando Magic.
But I sure as hell do.
And I'm happy tonight.
I'm drinking.
i'm celebrating and i'm happy tonight and i'm laughing at all of you out there who are nets
fans all of you who live in brooklyn and new york you can go fuck yourselves uh because dwight
howard after lots of hemming and hawing and a lot of drama and bullshit waved his right waved his uh
opt out for the orlando magic and uh screwed over the nets the new jersey net soon to be the
at Brooklyn Nets next year and signed
with the Orlando Magic.
He didn't sign. He's just committed
to the Orlando Magic for the rest of this season
and next season, so take that, you fucking bastards.
You fucking New York trash
people. I'll voice that.
I hope no one from New York
listens to this show. No, I'm kidding.
Nothing wrong with people from New York listening to the show
and watching the show. Nothing wrong with that.
I agree. Big Zyklons on the line. Zyklons
are NBA analysts. Any thought on that?
On the whole Dwight Howard drama
this afternoon? I was going to say more on
on NFL, but
I would say, Dwight Harris
going to Magic, good for you, but
I'm more concerned about the Peyton Manning saga.
And I would say right now,
95% certain he's going to the
Tennessee Titans. They signed
Steve Hutchinson earlier today, so they got
someone to protect him,
keep him from getting re-injured, so
that's my pick.
It's 95% certain he's going
to the Titans. I don't understand.
So, yeah, I mean, I saw the Titans
suck. I thought he was all in with Denver.
uh for a while there and so and i saw the tennessee titans it was talking to four teams
so now it looks like the titans are getting him that's what the titans did is they
offered him a front office job after he retires he's getting long in the tooth so that makes sense
maybe a good idea in that way so i wonder do the because i heard that tim tebow was going to be
leaving denver if peyton manning went to denver i guess that's not happening now i don't know
No. Also, though, Peyton Manning has such a big following in Tennessee.
I actually live near the University of Tennessee. I actually go over there.
That's where Peyton Manning went to college.
And Peyton Manning mania is so big in this area.
I mean, part of it, too, is just the sheer amount of, I'm trying to think of the right word,
just hoopla around Peyton Manning in the state of Tennessee.
That's good. Well, good for him, then. He made the right decision.
And I saw Brandon Marshall signed up with the Chicago Bears, leaving the Miami Dolphins also earlier in the week.
And some black guy signed with the Detroit Lions today.
I forgot who it was.
Oh, Calvin Johnson?
Calvin, yes.
He got a mega deal.
He deserves it.
Yeah, he got a big deal, and he does deserve it.
Good point.
So there you go.
There's sports talk for the day.
Well, for the night, rather, for the week.
Good to have you on, Cycle.
I'm glad you're joining.
Milken, are you back yet?
What happened to Milken?
I don't hear him.
Let me call him back.
my cat Dobby's here
hanging out
with me tonight
sometimes he gets
in the mood to hang out
while I do the show
he's next to me
please enjoy the
following music
while your party
he kept opening the
door so I just let him
in
I was laying down
inside the bed
on the bed
not inside of it
we'll get Milkman
here and do some
prank calls
what happened
why are you not
talking
I had to hang up
yeah man
yeah
ok
ok
so
yep yep yep
I'm just gonna be
on hold for a minute
cause like I'm
working right now
oh I'm sorry
ok
ok
see you later
bye
All right, bro.
I'll be back.
Oak Band's on hold.
There you go.
Secret hold.
Anyway, so we got a request here.
Request a prank, rather.
Let's take a look here.
UK Godfather sent in a number, and he says, me, who is it?
Hey, Mano.
Yeah?
I'm with this hot Bulgarian girl who wants to rape me right this second.
Well, let me hear it, then.
She wants to fuck my dick.
Well, let's hear it, dude.
I'm serious.
Play it on the radio.
Yeah.
You don't want to hear it, man, because you're ugly.
That's fine.
Let's hear it.
But trust me on this one.
You should let, well, why don't you finger her then, and let us hear that.
That'd be cool.
Nothing wrong about it.
Hello?
Yeah, how you doing?
Okay, well, I'm doing great.
You know, your buddy right here might not have told you the whole story, but it's true.
I'm Bulgarian.
I, uh, you see, Berkeley students.
They were major.
And, uh, I would like to take.
So, you're interfering.
Okay?
Will you masturbate on the phone?
I'm sorry.
Will you masturbate on the phone?
Will she masturbate?
We want to hear her masturbate on the phone.
Come on, be quiet.
Come on, no, let her play with herself.
Play with yourself.
Let her play with herself on the phone.
I want to hear that.
Sucks.
Sucks.
Now Milkman's going to get ahead.
We're not going to be able to hear it.
I just wanted to hear Milkman getting ahead
because I imagine it's going to be like,
imagine what that sounds like.
Good God.
Anyway, well, that was weird.
milkman i never thought milkman had that in him yes guys he did find a he found a bulgarian french
lady of the night on craigslist and he's been hanging out with her all day i thought they
would be done hanging out already but apparently they're not so we get to listen to that oh uh
i put a number in skype that may be worth it maybe not it says it's uh 24 hours a day it's like
Like, UK Mission or something in India.
Call them and, like, ask them what Banshoot is.
Okay.
Sounds good.
UK Mission in India.
All right.
We're going to...
I just want to make a quick announcement.
I'm going to be holding off on calling these cell phones in the UK because they cost way too much.
They're 25 cents a minute.
A quarter, a dollar a minute.
Our UK fans are sending in lots of cell phone numbers.
I can't call them.
They're way too expensive to be calling, man.
That's what killed the show last week
Because Skype does the auto-recharge
But it takes them like 30 minutes
For the auto-recharge credits to kick in
Every time for me at least
I don't know why, but it does
And I had to cut the show off a little earlier
Than I wanted to last week
You can send in UK numbers and all
Just not cell phones
UK Ted taught me the trick
If it starts with a 7 or a 9
It is a cell phone
That's not going to work out for the show
I do apologize, Red Sloth Man
man. They can't do it, man.
It would kill us. Make a note of that.
Alright, we'll call this number in India
then. It's funny enough, it's a cheaper
to call a number in India than it is to call a cell
phone in the UK. I can't explain why.
It's retarded, but that's the way of the world,
guys. What can you do?
Alright, so UK thing in India.
What did it say? Invalid phone number.
I need a country code, I think.
Zyquan, can you clean that number?
Can you add a country code? I'm really bad at the
country codes, man. I know it's like 011
and then something. Okay, let me see
if i can find it yeah sorry i don't know i wish i wish i knew how to do it but i do know i've done
it before it's been so long i've been you know why even explain it these are all cell phone
numbers alex the man david harris none of these are gonna work none of these work ask if ping
pong that's his nickname is there and then ask him about table tennis what's the country code
for the uk is it uh zero two zero no it's four four i believe okay because i got a number it's
It's like, I'll post it in the Skype chat, but I don't know what exactly is up with it.
All right, give it a shot.
Or if you're in the chat, I don't know if you're in the IRC chat room,
you can send it to Nunu, and he knows how to scrub the numbers, as I like to call it.
Okay, yeah, I'll send it to Nunu.
Yeah, he's pretty good at that.
Thank you for calling LLGS, our helpline for the LGBT community.
The helpline is now closed, but is open from 10 a.m. to 11 p.m. seven days a week.
Well, Ritz-Loffman, you sent in a number for a place that isn't open
and hasn't been open for about five hours now in the U.K.
Well, thank you.
Good work.
Yeah, I sent it to Nunu.
All right.
Actually, I think I may have just sent it to the whole chat room.
You did send it to the whole chat room.
Oh, well.
No big deal.
Someone will get it taken care of.
No worries.
We're good.
I wonder what time it is.
I've got an eight-hour difference probably in India, I'm guessing.
I don't know.
This is the first one I was looking at was India.
India. This is like the Indian embassy in the UK.
Okay. All right.
I figured that like an embassy or something we could get there
and probably get them to like do something when we say bad words.
All right. Sounds good.
All right. BBC are selling their London headquarters
and moving to brand new offices and studios near Manchester.
So the BBC headquarters is for sale.
I should call. Noonoo's sending this in.
I should call as a confused American trying to buy the whole BBC
and try to find a price in dollars not pounds say i want to buy the bbc radio station for pakistanis
and the deal because that is shit there's a bbc radio for pakistanis what okay whatever you said
speaking of radio news story i read today that absolutely cracked me up there was a private
radio station in my old hometown of orlando a pirate radio station that was being run by two
gang by two members of the blood gang of the bloods and they were advertising where to buy
weed we're to buy um other drugs we're to get the good hookers in town and we're paying we're
getting paid to read ads for other gangs of such that's awesome and we're taking shout outs and
posing questions like how do you fold your bandana aka how do you fold your flag what hood you
represent stuff like that they got shut down by the SWAT team this morning and are facing ten
$10,000 fines from the FCC.
Hello?
Hello?
BBC.
I think they sold already.
Let's try them again.
Can you switch the phone?
Yes, hi.
I called before and it was a little bit of trouble.
What happened?
What's your problem?
Hello?
Yeah, what the hell?
Yeah, what's that noise on the phone?
I don't even know what the phone's saying.
Wait, you got a problem?
You got a fan on?
What's going on?
What the hell?
Someone's got a cell phone.
They're like in the process of moving right now.
Yes, I had my mic muted.
Can you switch the phone?
Yeah, hi.
Are you guys in the process of being moved or something right now?
No.
The BBC is moving to a different office?
Well, there's part of it's moving to Salford, certainly.
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
I was calling to make an offer on the building.
It's 3 a.m. at the moment, so there's not going to be anybody you can speak to at this time.
Yeah, I know, but so the BBC is going out of business finally.
We got you guys for all the lies that you've been saying.
They've always been kind of rude with us here at the BBC.
We can get them going.
Morning, BBC switchboard.
So how soon are you going to go out of business, dear?
Probably about the same time as you get a brain in your head.
I love the BBC
That was pretty good
That was funny
Yes, hello, this is Breathy BBC man
Hi, yes sir
There's like two
There's the one guy who's got the fan going
Ask them if they're getting rid of Top Gear
Because if they do, then BBC's gonna be shit
Yes, hi
Can I buy all the copies of Benny Hill
Before you guys go out of business
Benny Hill's the shit, man
Yeah, I know, let me talk to him this time
I'm no receptionist.
I like that.
BBC guy?
They're on us.
We've got to get the other guy.
We've got to get the other guy.
No, they're just hanging right up.
That sucks.
We've had so much fun with the BBC.
Well, we'll call later.
Lucy Fillmore had a good idea.
Chastised them for being male receptionists.
I really like that, Lucy Fillmore.
I like some of your ideas.
Lucy Fillmore, I did notice you have your own prank call podcast,
which you call a prank cast also, like mine.
I don't understand what's up with that.
So I'm serving you with a cease and desist order.
Just kidding.
You can call it whatever you want.
I don't give a shit.
Lucy Fillmore,
go to the website for your prank cast there.
Your Lucy Fillmore prank cast.
I saw you had some prank calls on there.
And some songs, too.
Sounds interesting.
Sounds like a plan.
All right, Nunu, you had a good idea.
They're not answering right now.
We'll give them a few minutes and try them back.
BBC is always fun.
Enigma 420 giving us a heads up.
We are streaming live on prankarchive.com.
All right, good.
That's good.
What is that, shoutcast?
What is that, Enigma 420?
Help me out here.
Let me know.
No, prankarchive.com.
Welcome to the Madhouse Radio Network.
We also are on, of course, cactiradio.com.
That's Zyklon's favorite station.
And Blue Planet Radio, blueplanetpranks.
blueplanetprankradio.
blueplanetprankradio.com.
All right, I think that's it.
Welcome, all of you, for listening and those watching on the livestream feed
over at MadHouseLive.com and at Livestream.com.
I never pay attention to that chat room.
If you're in Livestream and you're, like, chatting away
and you're wondering why no one's talking back to you,
we don't watch that chat room.
You need to be over at the chat room on MadHouseLive.com.
There's a big button there that says Chat.
That's where you need to be.
We just use Livestream for the video.
Other than that, we don't give a shit.
Ken, you want to remind me we're on the Meatspin Network.
That's right, Meatspin Radio, Meatspin.com.
Also, Mudfall.com, but don't go to those sites.
Nope. And bluewaffle.net. Blue Waffle Prank Call Radio. Blue Waffle Night Radio Net.
Okay, I just found a number that's probably worth calling. It is the MPAA RIAA Anti-Piracy Hotline.
Hey! I'm Jack Valente.
Somebody seriously needs to... Yeah, those guys are such fucking douchebags. They need to get prank called all the time.
Let's do it. What is it? No what? 1-800-
No copies.
No copies. How cocky.
The RIAA MPAA hotline, your source to report the piracy of music and movies.
Para hablar con alguien en espanol, por favor oprima el uno.
If you're not calling to report piracy, you have reached an incorrect phone number.
Please check your number and dial again.
Otherwise, please press zero or remain on the line and...
Thank you for calling the MPAA hotline. This is Josh. How may I help you?
Yeah, what's up, yo? Hello?
How may I help you?
Yeah, this is Eddie.
Yo, I heard you take information about pirates, yo.
Yeah, it's about piracy.
What type of piracy are you calling to report?
Movies, music?
Movies and music, yo.
This person's got movies and music.
One moment.
And are you a member of law enforcement?
No, I'm a member of...
Okay, and are you a member of the entertainment industry?
I'm a member of the U.S. military.
Okay, one moment here.
Yo, I'm in the Army.
All right, and could I please have your first name, sir?
It's Eddie Garcia is my name.
Eddie, and that's E-D-D-Y?
Yeah, E-D-D-I-E.
I-E, and your last name's G-A-R-C-I-A?
G-A-R-C-I-A, yeah.
And could you repeat that one more time?
G-A-R-C-I-A.
G-A-R-C-I-A, thank you.
And could I please have a current email?
Let's see here.
That would be eddy, E-D-D-Y-E, at bluewaffle.net.
And that was eddie, E-D-D-Y-E, at blue, B-L-U-E, waffle, W-A-F-F-L-E.net.
Yeah.
Okay, and could I please have a current phone number, which you can be reached?
Yeah, 407, let me see here.
Right, that was 472.
Yeah.
Could you repeat those last four digits for me?
49.
Yeah.
Thank you, and could I please have your current address?
Yo, I don't want to give that.
It's supposed to be Ram Anonymous, that's it.
Okay, one moment.
And your current city?
Yo, I'm in Miami.
I want to give you the information on the person, yo.
It's supposed to be anonymous, it said.
Now, if you don't want to do it that way, then forget it.
All right, one moment here.
Just one moment while I just go through some information here.
I'm just going to end.
Let's see here.
And you said this again was hard goods, Internet piracy, camcorder, or satellite?
It's movies, man.
This guy is playing movies for everybody, movies and music, without paying for it.
And then they get to watch it for free, and you don't pay for the movie.
The part of the movie you don't see is free.
and then they got the artists on there talking and everything,
and you watch it for free,
and you don't pay for the music or nothing that they play.
Okay, and that was, do they do that through the Internet,
or is it actually the hard goods?
It's actually material.
Yo, it's on the TV.
Oh, on the TV?
Okay, one moment here.
Yeah, his name is Piers Morgan.
All right, and this is satellite then, through satellite?
Through cable TV, yo.
I was watching Piers Morgan,
and he said, everyone's going to look at this clip,
and then they were showing a movie,
and then they didn't pay for the movie.
Okay, one moment here.
And you said this, once again, could you spell for me the name of the person?
P-I-E-R-S Morgan.
I got a list.
All right, that's P-I-E-R-S.
What was that?
I got a list of people.
P-I-E-R-S Morgan.
Morgan, M-O-R-G-A-N.
And then the other person?
And then the other person is Conan, C-O-N-A-N O'Brien.
All right, that's C-O-N-A-N, last name O-B-R-I-E-N.
Yeah.
Okay.
And then Jay Leno.
Okay, and that's J-A-Y and then L-E-N-O.
Yeah, and then David Letterman.
All right, that's David, D-A-V-I-D, last name L-E-T-T-E-R-M-A-N.
Yeah, so what happened is that David Letterman came out, and he was like, hey, everybody, I want you to see this part of the movie.
And Jonah Hill was there, and Jonah Hill, put that down, J-O-N-A-H, Hill, H-I-L-L.
All right, J-O-N-A-H, H-I-L-L, thank you.
And then, you know that movie, 21 Jump Street?
Yes.
It's not even out yet. It's not even out in the movie theater yet.
And then David Letterman and Jonah Hill, they were like, yo, we're going to play this movie.
And they played like 30 seconds on the movie.
And then MTV had a commercial, and they were showing parts of the movie.
Write all this down on the report.
And where was this city of occurrence?
Yo, David Letterman's in New York.
Right now it's New York, New York. One moment.
Yeah, he's in the Ed Sullivan Theater in New York.
Right, one moment here.
How did you become aware of this problem?
I was watching TV. I was watching the David Letterman show.
All
right, one moment here.
And then I have another incident when I went to Red Robin to eat hamburger.
And I'm going to refer you to another number, too, for this stuff.
One moment here.
I have a number that you can call for these other, for the music and stuff.
Here we go, and that's...
223-800-232.
2-2.
I mean, sorry, sir.
It's 1-800-223-2328.
Yes, 2-8.
Thank you.
Is there anything else that I can...
800-2328.
Yep, perfect.
Thank you.
Is there anything else I can assist you with?
Yeah, Red Robin.
All right, yep.
And if you call that number, they'll be able to assist you with that.
Did you know that Red Robin has all-you-can-eat french fries?
Yep, and you have a great day, sir.
Listen, what was your name?
Josh.
Josh, how do you spell that?
That is J-O-S-H.
Yeah?
Okay, I need you to write down one more thing.
Do you still have your report there?
Actually, I already submitted that first report.
Can you amend the report?
What was that that you needed me to put in, sir?
Well, get the report ready, and I'll let you amend it.
Okay, and what was that report?
Your report that you just put in for David Letterman.
Okay, all right, and what else did you need to add to that, sir?
Josh made rude comments.
Is there anything else that I can assist you with today?
Yeah, you need to add that to the report that Josh made rude comments.
Okay, sir, disconnecting due to prank.
Yeah, are you a male receptionist? How is that working out for you?
that was stupid he finally figured out was a prank guys wow i know i kind of figured he would
have after the who was the second one after conan then he probably realized it was a prank ah you're
one of those guys that says conan that's funny yeah right took him a while geez not bad you
at least conan's pretty funny though yeah isn't isn't that one lady kicking all their butts at
at that time, anyway.
Chelsea, Chelsea.
Calling the R-I-A-A-M-P-A-A hotline.
Chelsea Handler, what's your name?
You're supposed to report to Pirates of Music and Movies
para hablar con alguien en espanol for waiting.
Stay on the line.
I think I'm going to move on.
That's taking too long.
Yeah.
That was pretty funny, though.
That was, I mean, it was okay.
Yeah, it was bad.
You know, not bad for early on in the show.
Thank you.
I'm at a loss at Milkman.
I didn't believe he had that in him.
Hey, good for Milkman.
Let's call Milkman and interrupt him.
Hang on.
I really want to hear that.
Maybe Milkman will accidentally answer the phone, and we'll get to hear him.
Maybe.
I doubt it.
Going, oh.
What would that sound like?
Please enjoy the following music while your party is being reached.
Not going to answer.
Yeah, no.
He's getting, ah, Milkman.
I farted on the phone.
I farted on the phone.
Oh, boy, Milkman.
You're killing us, Milkman.
Really.
He gets laid for the first time in about 20 years, and he can't let us hear it.
I'm just saying.
UK Ted says he just put the tip in.
Just the head in.
One of the biggest lies in the world.
I'll just put the head in, the check's in the mail,
my neck hurts after getting in a car accident.
Biggest lies in the world.
I thought I love you was one of the ones, too.
I love you, too.
Yeah.
I love you, also.
Not I love you, too.
I love you, too, also.
That's another one.
What are the lies?
I got a headache.
Right now, I'm on my period.
Another lie?
Let's see what new news got for us.
Today, Indian words are, yes, Indian words.
We got new Indian words to use.
Shaitan and Puri.
they mean devil and vagina all right did we get a did we get that number cleaned up yet the um
indian number nothing yet really let me try it again i think i might be able to get that indian
number to work let me try it that was in a skype chat you sent that right zyklon the yeah and then
i put it in uh madhouse chat madhouse chat trying to find it there was another long number you put
in there you put two numbers in a row i'm guessing that for some reason it was two of them yeah
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's right, I'm here.
How was Bradshaw on Tuesday?
Did you hear that?
I tried to stay up for it, man.
I wasn't feeling good.
I wasn't able to catch it.
I had to work.
I heard the show from the week before.
I heard it on a podcast, and I heard the Morgan Freeman thing.
I don't know if you've heard that yet.
Yeah, that was pretty damn awesome.
Yeah, it's pretty funny.
He got in to say a bunch of weird shit.
Uh-oh.
An American number, though.
Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.
Yeah, I took it as an American number.
Shit.
All right.
I think before 20 confirms, just an outlet site to host prank calls.
We don't make any prank calls.
Yeah, Nick, I know, but, I mean, you said you're streaming us there.
How are you streaming us?
I'm confused.
That's prankarchive.com.
So, yeah, Carlito, I know you're all into MMOs and RPGs.
Have you played Mass Effect 3 yet?
You know, here's the deal.
I haven't played Mass Effect 1 or 2, right?
i was about to buy mass effect 3 and then two people told me no you gotta play mass effect 1
and mass effect 2 first because you gotta bring your character over or you're gonna miss out a lot
so i gotta get mass effect 1 first i suppose i don't know i hear really good things about it
but everyone tells me i'm gonna miss out on 50 of the experience if i don't play the first two
and then bring over my character from that i guess that is true yeah yeah but i mean it's
still a great game even if you don't is it yeah i don't know i've been playing a lot of battlefield
3 i'm not that good but i'm playing it i love playing i suck i'm really bad at it in the
multiplayer i've beaten the one player you know the single player but all right what can i say
i'm lethal with the rpg that's about it i'm getting better though i went from getting uh
one kill per round to like i'm up to like four kills per round there you go had sushi today
Very happy about that.
Sorry, you were saying?
Oh, yeah, I went to a Japanese steakhouse today.
It was fucking awesome.
Me too, man.
This Japanese place.
But they've got a really good menu.
They've got, like, I didn't get it, but they've got jellyfish on the menu.
I was like, jellyfish?
That sounds good.
They've got stir-fried snails.
Stir-fried snail?
Yeah, stir-fried snail.
Here's me and my wife.
We're looking at the menu.
They've got a section that says, you know, they have a section that's authentic.
asian dishes and they got you know duck they've got stir-fried snail jellyfish and then main
lobster tail i'm like what that's not asian yeah bullshitter main and then like you know
striped sea bass doesn't sound very asian to me but whatever well they're probably a mutant sea
bass also yeah go ahead go ahead are you gonna play uh dust 514 when it comes out uh that's the
See, I played a lot of EVE Online, and I know it's related, right?
Isn't it like where you can...
Yeah, it's PS3 only.
Okay, yeah, but the thing is, like, if you're playing an EVE Online,
then you put your contract for the people playing Dust
to take out hits on the planets or something like that.
Yeah, I might. I don't know.
Maybe I'll resurrect my EVE.
Every year, I get in the mood to play EVE Online,
and I go and I pay for a month, and I play it,
and I get instantly bored again, and I stop playing it.
i must say eve online of all the mmos eve online um has been able to capture my interest the most
for the longest amount of time and it's the realest one because like they've got like the
you know i mean they've got like little independent you know right hey you're talking
to someone that's played it for like six years and hasn't paid a single dollar for it in like
the last three really like just getting free offers and stuff from them no if you they have
have like legal i guess rmt where you can buy sell time cards for in-game money so i just make tons
of in-game money buy the time guards and play for free oh there you go that's kind of cool exactly
that's kind of cool good idea yeah um i don't know if you know if i knew some people would like i'm
at a level now or like the problem with eve online like everyone's like really advanced there's very
few new people that get into it for the most part from what i remember so it's hard to get into a
a clan or a group or whatever i can log it this has changed i don't know yeah all i gotta say is
just join uh eve uni or uh red versus blue those are the best those are the best ones yeah maybe
for newer players yeah rvb it's like they have two uh clans red and blue and they're in constant war
okay really so you just join one and it's like cheap ships you undock and kill the others okay
okay okay sounds good yeah it's really fun apparently i'm not in it sounds good i think
i've heard of red versus blue but i mean there's all those stories about how people have um like
there's there's been hits out like on on the leaders of corporations and stuff like that
they've stolen all their shit and then they complain to like the developers and developers
like that's your problem you know what i mean it's like we keep it as real as we can like if
you're dumb oh yeah it's like yeah that's crazy and what i am thinking about maybe trying to get
back into Star Trek Online because I heard
some good things in the last two
weeks. Some new episodes that have come out for
it and stuff like that. It's free to play now
and I don't know. Is it free
to play or is it one of those pay to win?
It's free to play but you pay
to get nicer ships and stuff like that.
And to level faster
you can pay I guess.
But I heard
the free to play experience is pretty good.
Another one is DC Online. DC Universe
Online I hear is really good now. It's free to
play and it's pretty good and I might try
to get into that. I saw a friend of mine
was playing it. It looked pretty interesting. Someone at work
was playing it. Nice.
Have you played World of Tanks at all?
No, I saw stuff about it.
When I was watching E3
coverage, I saw there were people out there
talking like they had a tank, like an actual
rebuilt tank inside the
conference room, on the
conference room floor or whatever of E3.
And they were explaining it, and it
sounded kind of cool, but no, I haven't played
World of Tanks. Can't say.
I'm excited about Diablo 3, though, that
was it yesterday? Oh, yeah. Yesterday they
announced May 13th, I think it is.
Or today they announced, one of the,
either yesterday or today they announced May 13th
as the, um, release date. Interesting.
No PvP at first,
though, unfortunately. They don't want to delay
the game anymore. Huh? No, uh,
no PvP.
They were going to bring PvP out with, uh,
with the game when it came out,
but they said it would take too long, it wasn't at the
level they wanted, so it'll be first player,
but they'll have a free patch. It won't be a
a dlc it'll be a free patch lonesome losers in the house we got some numbers all right lonesome
welcome evil already wants to be on the show why not listen to evil already be really loud
you guys we haven't talked to evil already in a while we'll put them on with some pranks
in the mood for some uk wake up calls tonight also that works kind of laid back tonight people
were saying i look kind of down i have been kind of kind of down today i suppose nothing you guys
need to worry about i'll be all right where's evil i'm looking here my contacts evil where is
this guy. Evil Artie,
where's your phone number?
Skype reporting that there's a problem with the call.
Please leave your message for...
Oh, I hung up on everybody in accident.
Zyklon, call back in, please.
Please, Zyklon, call back in.
I hung up on the whole call in accident.
It might have been good because Skype was starting to report
a problem. Actually, let me call Zyklon myself.
I can do that. Anyway,
Lonesome Loser has a grudge against
Anton, a number for a credit manager.
Give him a call. Can't come to the phone
right now. Please leave a message. Blah.
Uh, Nicole, no answer.
Ashley instead, who works here for a call.
Lonesome, I tried to call Artie.
He didn't answer.
Lonesome, you call Artie.
Tell him to answer when I call him.
Ashley calling.
We're calling for an answer.
We're calling for an answer.
This is Ashley.
No.
No, you have the wrong number.
Oh, no.
There's an Ashley here, isn't there?
What are you talking about?
Well, who is this?
This is Cross.
I'm calling from the bank.
At this time of night?
Yeah, it's important to talk to Ashley.
Well, she doesn't live here.
Well, does she live there before?
Oh, years ago.
Okay, well, did she move away?
Is this her mom?
No, no, I don't know where she lives.
Well, what do you mean she used to live there?
Like, she used to live there and she moved out of the house?
Or is this the phone number she used to live at?
Well, first of all, you're asking questions and I feel uncomfortable.
You're very pushy.
Well, I'm with the bank.
That's why I have to be pushy.
This is important business.
Well...
I'm a big bank manager man.
I'm an important person.
I wear a tie and a suit.
You understand?
Uh-huh.
Now if you give me a bad time
A hard time
Then I'll start charging your account
I'll start assessing you charges
And sending you letters
Because you know where Ashley is
No I don't
You have information about Ashley
I do not
She owes us money
And if you don't help us out financially
Then I will start sending you bills
And hold you responsible
And this will go on your credit report
Your TransUnion credit report
And your beacon score will go down
Is that what you want?
Well, I'll tell you what you do.
You call sometime tomorrow and talk with her dad.
So her dad lives at this stupid number?
Hello?
Miss Lady, listen.
Does her dad live at this number so I can call back and talk to her dad at this number?
I suppose so because I don't want to get in trouble.
I haven't seen her in ages.
Okay, so are you her mom?
No.
Then how do you know about her dad?
I don't understand.
No.
No.
Oh, Artie, answer the phone.
Artie's trying to call the wrong number.
Artie, if you're listening right now, you need to answer the phone when I call you.
You need to answer the phone.
That was a fun call.
Why don't we call it again?
Let me get Evil Artie on first and see what his deal is.
My thumb hurts, man.
Sucks.
I'm freaking bummed out about my thumb now.
Zyklon, I missed your call.
Now's a good time to call Zyklon.
Hey, man.
Hello.
You finally answered the phone.
Walking in the house when you called.
Yeah?
Yeah.
That's good.
Good, so what do you want?
I've got steak and shake.
Yeah, what'd you have?
Oh, they had the worst french fries there, you know that?
No, I just got a shake.
You just got a shake?
That's good.
My mom calls me over and asks me if I wanted an American Express card.
A special kiss?
So, you're on the air, Evil Artie.
I know.
Okay, I'm just saying, before we start talking about stuff that you shouldn't talk about.
Alright, so that's it.
You went to see your mom at Steak and Shake, and you got an American Express card.
That's all you have to talk about.
Well, no, I got, you know.
K2?
Some jazz.
So, you smoked that already?
I thought you were done with that.
Like, you weren't doing that again.
How many times did you say you said that?
When I decided to stop smoking that shit, I pretty much stopped it.
Like, I didn't want to touch it again, man.
You got to be careful.
I'm telling you.
So, are we going to do some pranks?
Yeah, I'm doing some right now already.
Thanks for bringing me back in.
We got a sales manager we're going to call right now.
But I got to play a prank call.
I got to close the door.
You know I got to take that one.
Okay.
Play the prank first, though.
Let me play a part, because I've got to close it.
The cat just opened the door, and my wife is watching TV.
It's loud.
It's going to interrupt the show, so let me play something.
What's she watching?
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure, because I'm not there.
I'm not in the living room.
I'm here doing the show.
She doesn't yap and yap about it.
Yeah, be quiet.
Well, some moos are sending in more numbers here.
Let's take a look.
Star of India.
Oh, I had another root canal.
I didn't know you had one in the first place.
Yeah, I don't remember.
A couple years ago.
No.
Yeah, and it's on, like, the same hoop on each side
of the bottom.
Okay, do you chew in that side of the mouth?
Do you always chew in that side of the mouth?
Do you always chew in that side of the mouth?
Yeah, but anyways,
I was thinking they're also going to
put a crown on each
side. I was thinking about getting a gold piece.
Yeah, shut up.
Yeah, hi, this is Deanne
and Lou there.
No, he isn't, but you have reached the right number.
May I take a message? Yes, I'm
calling from the bank.
And what do you do there? And your name is?
This is Cross.
I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that.
This is Cross. Who is this? Is this his wife?
No, this is not his wife. This is his daughter.
Okay, and what's he doing?
I'm terribly sorry for asking, but what's the purpose of your call?
Well, I understand he's a sales manager at the bank.
I actually think he's no longer a sales manager at the bank. He actually works right now.
Well, he owes money to the bank about a horse.
Um, all right.
Well, if I could take your name and your number, I could transfer you over to him.
He's actually not at home right now, but, um...
What do you mean, transfer me?
Are you going to put me through?
Go ahead, I'll hold.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
This is his home number, and I would need to call him and let him know that you called
and give him your number.
Well, when will he be available at this stupid number?
Um, first of all, I don't appreciate this tone that you're holding with me.
I don't owe you money.
My dad does for some strange reason.
A horse, yeah.
I asked you for your name and your number.
It's on a horse that he bought.
that he's not paying money on this horse.
His horse?
He bought a horse.
It's not his.
He paid money for an investment on a racing horse,
and he's not paying for it,
and they took out a loan with the bank.
So now if he doesn't pay back on the horse,
then we're going to hold you responsible
since you're the person who's at this number.
You understand?
Well, I'm 15 years old,
so you can't possibly hold me responsible.
I don't know what your name is,
and if you give it to me along with your phone number,
I will have him call you back about money he was...
Larry Phillips.
Larry Phillips.
Yeah.
Yep.
P-H-I-L-L-I-P-S?
Yeah.
Yep.
And at what number could you be reached, Mr. Phillips?
Well, he just has to call the bank where he used to work.
He's worked at most of the banks.
Well, he needs to call the most recent one.
That's where the horse is at right now.
And then we're going to be putting the horse down in 24 hours if he doesn't pay for it.
And he's going to be responsible for the disposal of the horse.
But he's never purchased a horse.
No, he has.
I have him on his horse papers.
You have his horse papers?
I have him down on the...
His name is down on the horse papers?
Mr. Phillips, I have no idea who you are,
and I do not appreciate the tone you're using to speak with me.
I don't know what my father's purchased from you.
All I need is your name.
Your father is a deadbeat man who buys horses and doesn't pay for them.
That's what the problem is here.
Mr. Phillips, if you could try back at another time, I would appreciate it.
Do you play the violin, and are you good at, like, mathematics?
I don't know what you're trying to get at, Mr. Phillips.
You play the violin.
You play the violin, don't you?
Who are you?
I have this information here because your father bought a horse,
and the horse underperformed,
and then there's suspicion that your father was touching the horse inappropriately,
and that's what this is about,
and we're going to spread this around the whole Asian community
if he doesn't come forward and pay for the horse now.
I'm not even Asian.
Well, I know, but we're going to give him a bad name among the Asian community.
And why would you want to do that?
I don't know who you are.
I have your phone number now.
So if, Mr. Phillips, you call us again, I will report you for harassment.
Goodbye.
Well, I'm going to report you for not paying for the horse.
For the horse.
He sounds very old.
But you know me, I'm like growing up for a 15-year-old.
Very Asian.
How is she not Asian?
The guy's name is D-I-E-N.
It's Asian.
Come on.
Come on, man.
We got Todd, another one.
Let's call about a horse.
Artie, what do you say?
You're all about horses, right?
Artie, you talking?
What's going on?
You jump in and you don't talk anymore?
I've been muted.
Yes, hi.
I need to speak to Todd, damn it.
Hello?
Yes, this is Todd.
I'm calling from the bank.
Oh, whoops.
I meant to say.
This is the attorney, Sonny Hagen.
Shut up.
You come in the fast.
You're coming, Artie.
You're right.
Sonny Hagen.
Hello?
Listen, don't you understand?
I need to speak to the guy.
I need to speak to Tom.
There's no Tom.
Todd.
Who lives here.
Todd, I said.
No, if you do this again, I'm going to report you.
Do not call.
Shut up in the mouth.
Put Todd on.
By yourself or I'll just keep hanging up.
My name is Alex Joplin.
And what do you want?
I'm calling about the horse that Todd didn't pay for.
There is no Todd here.
There is no horse.
If you call again, I will not answer.
And if you keep calling, I will get in touch with the authorities.
Listen.
And tell them who you are.
Give me the information.
I want the papers from the horse right now.
No, the horse papers.
You're calling the wrong number, guy.
You're calling the wrong number.
Who are you trying to reach?
Is there a man there?
Put a man on the phone, you stupid woman.
Don't you...
Who are you trying to reach?
I'm trying to speak to a man.
I'm trying to talk to Todd.
And there's a dumb woman on the phone who's getting in the way.
And we're calling about the horse.
Don't you...
Artie, you want to call an Indian restaurant?
Would you like to do that?
Sure.
Would you like to call an Indian restaurant, your horse?
Yeah, do they have horse platter?
I know. Do a really bad prank call. That's what I'm expecting from you.
How long when I shit out the rice?
The pilau rice.
Okay.
Thinking of visiting your restaurant later tonight, I feel like I'm family there.
I want it to be like I've been there before as a girl.
Like I almost own the place.
If I gave you an extra $50, would you help me out with that?
Emma. Emma's going to come.
Hey. Hello, sir.
Yeah?
Excuse me, Ari. Let me take over.
Hello, sir. I'd like to make an order, please.
To go or not?
Yes, to go.
Go ahead.
I would like one chicken tikka masala, one tera marilan.
Ma'am?
One tera marilan.
Lamb?
Uh-huh, lamb.
Lamb puri.
Kebab?
Lamb puri, shaitan.
Kebab.
Okay.
All right, one bhenchod.
One what?
Bhenchod.
Chud?
Yes, that is your sister.
Your sister.
She's under the table right now waiting for me and my friend.
Me and my friend go there to eat, and your sister's under the table waiting for us.
Yeah, your sister's under the table waiting for me and my friend Artie,
and then she gives us a special kiss.
Uh-huh.
A special kiss on the private parts, you know?
Your sister.
She does that.
Hmm?
No.
What?
Okay.
Special kiss, Artie.
Did you hear that Milkman was getting a special kiss before?
I'm not kidding you.
Was he?
That was funny.
What happened to the cup?
Milkman.
What
did he tell
Nothing
Um
Milkman was on the show at the beginning
And he said he had to go
Because he had a passenger in his taxi
Who was
Who wanted to give him head
Who wanted to give him head
And I didn't believe it
And she got on the phone and said yes
What he's saying is true
I want to suck his dick
And then gave the phone back to Milkman
And Milkman said alright Amano I gotta go
I'm like wait a minute let's hear it
He's like no I gotta go I gotta go
And he hung up
I don't get it
Did you record the girl?
Yeah it's on the show audio
I gotta hear that
But I'm upset because I wanted to hear it happen
Could you imagine Milkman like
You know what I'm saying
What did he say?
Burt Manning.
Oh, Burt Manning, I'm going to come.
I'm a gunner.
That's what he says, I'm a gunner.
You know what?
I hope he goes to Denver.
You know why?
Why?
He can teach Tebow how to throw.
Yeah, you've been saying that joke all week.
Listen, Zyklon already confirmed.
He's our insider when it comes to sports.
And he already confirmed he's going to the Tennessee Titans already,
so get with it, man.
Yeah, probably.
That'd be funny.
Zyklon, before anybody reported it,
Zyklon knew that Dwight Howard was going to opt out and stay with the Magic.
Did you see that?
That's awesome.
Did you see that?
I'm sure you saw that on your local media there in Orlando, right?
I found out on Facebook.
Nets fans are all upset.
Okay, continuing on with some more prank calls.
Artie, you're way too loud, man.
Remember I told you last week and this week,
you need to do something about being loud.
You've got to talk in a normal voice.
Use your inside voice, okay?
Okay.
All right, use your inside voice when you're on the show.
We hang up on you.
We get upset.
Big complaint.
plain i'm looking at the levels here when you're talking it's like it's all max red man all right
star of india i like that guy that guy was funny that last guy let me start this one off all right
you come in if i tell you to you jump in if i tell you to that's what i'm gonna do what's the
code word hey how are you doing sweetie good oh good yes i'm gonna make an order sure just for
when i sit in the chair can i make an order please i'm a customer uh-huh my name is alex
Yeah, we close in 10 minutes.
What do you mean 10 minutes?
Yeah, we close in 10 minutes.
Yeah, you bunchwood.
I call in 10 minutes, we close in 10 minutes.
Right.
Let's see about that.
Talking loud.
Damn it.
Harvey, I better?
No.
What about that?
I'm going to hang up on you.
Hello?
Hello.
Hello.
You shit.
Bombay Grill instead.
We'll give them a call.
Let's do it.
Bombay Grill, may I help you?
Bombay Grill.
I'm about to make an order for food, damn it.
You kidding me?
I'd like to make an order for food, damn it.
Okay, go ahead.
Yes, I'd like one chicken tikka masala.
One chicken tikka masala.
One puri.
One puri.
Chicken tikka masala.
Yeah, spicy.
One to ten.
One to ten?
Yeah.
What do you mean, ten?
Ten.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
One puri.
Uh-huh.
One bhenchod.
Excuse me?
One bhenchod.
What?
One bhenchod.
I think it's the wrong place you're going out, man.
No, you're the bhenchod, so I'll have you.
Huh?
You're a banshoot, so I'll have you, stupid.
What?
You are a banshoot, so I'll have you and your sister, stupid.
Listen, if your mother and son come in front of me, I'll give you a fuck you right now.
And you're a son of a dog.
You know?
I would know why.
You're a stupid shit banshoot.
Yeah, come on.
Come on.
I'll show you how they work.
I am a shaitan.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Shut up.
Ew, fuck.
Nice.
Thank you already for controlling yourself on that call.
You want to call the place I get spice?
Nope.
Indian.
Bombay, can I help you?
Yeah, we got disconnected.
I was ordering a banshoot.
Okay, just, yeah, that's right.
Are you stupid?
What happened?
Recording.
What are you talking?
Huh?
Okay, now hold on, man.
Coming, your trace already phone.
Can you put your sister on the phone?
Oh, yeah.
Come on, the trace already call for the, your trace the phone.
I don't understand your language.
which what is yeah they told you how they can speak is your uh your sister what's your name
what my name hello mr ulu tell me your name mr come on i'll give you free food come on today
my name is mr ulu come on come on i'll give you free food today then you'll see who is the person
you are the banchu right so yeah then i then i show you okay come on come on in the restaurant
and I give you free food.
Then I show you how they...
Your word is I give you answer.
Okay, that doesn't make...
Okay, come on.
Okay, stupid.
Come on, then I let you know who I am.
So what?
Then you're all background,
you're a mom and dad, everything like...
Okay, that doesn't make any sense.
What do you mean?
Yeah, then you know who I am.
Who's you I am?
Yes.
You're Mr....
Me.
You're son of dog Banju.
Yeah, then...
Okay, come on.
Okay.
I'll give you your free food today.
Okay.
Okay?
All right.
Bye.
Okay, I'll wait for you.
Bye.
He's like an Indian surly.
The whole family's working there.
Yeah, he...
I don't know.
I know he's angry, but not enough.
You know?
Talk to my doctor.
He's right there.
He's close.
He's close.
We've been right along.
I want Popeye's.
He was right at the level where we wanted him.
Hi, Alma Fine Dining.
Hi, woman.
I want to make an order for Indian food.
Okay, we're actually closed right now.
Well, so what?
Is the owner there?
Hold on one second.
Shit.
Yes, hello, Mr. Ulu.
No, you can't take our order to go.
Yeah, Mr. Ulu?
Hello?
Is this Mr. Ulu?
Ulu?
Ulu.
Ah, is this Bhenchod, then?
Bhenchod.
Bhenchod?
Bhenchod.
Okay, I'll have to make an order for pickup.
Order for pickup.
Order for pickup, stupid.
Order for pick it up, stupid.
We are closed.
No, open again, damn it.
I'll punch you in the face.
Shut up.
Yeah, fuck.
Fuck you, Bhenchod.
Fuck you, bastard.
Yeah, son of a bitch.
Fine Indian Cuisine.
Winner of the Best of the State.
Pretty.
Good.
Good.
I'm getting there tonight.
Alright, there's the application at wholesale.
Good.
Good, man.
Well, I got to the last part.
You know what that part is?
Are you too loud?
Putting your credit card in for the $275 fee.
Oh, shit.
That's a lot of fee, man.
Well, no.
The fee is $75, but there's a $200 deposit.
Oh, wow, man.
Wow.
I don't have to do deposit now, though, but I want to.
too. Oh, good. Well, I'm glad you took care
of that, man. You looking for a job, too, and all
that shit? No. Alright,
good. Iron Horse...
Iron Horse Motel. Okay.
The Horse Hotel? Iron Horse
Motel. Ask if we could have
like a spigot for our horse.
Do they have a gardener? Shut up. Listen
and find out. Hey, how are
you? Is this the Iron Horse? Yes.
That's good. How are you doing? Fine.
Good. I'll have to make an order for a room.
For one, please. Yeah,
damn it. My question is,
Because the bathroom's there.
They come in the room, one bathroom per room?
Motel, yes.
What?
This is a motel, and there's a bathroom, and a tub and shower.
Okay, are you stupid?
Why do you talk like that?
What?
Are you a stupid person?
Why do you have to talk like that?
Why?
Fang.
What?
Fang?
No, that's what I asked you, yeah.
That's right, honey.
I'm a little quick.
I'm a little quick.
I talked to her, but I can't understand her.
Jesus Christ.
Hello, Welsh.
Hello, Welsh.
No, you did the fake Welsh thing on Donald Blunt.
Oh, yeah.
You're too loud, man.
That was loud.
You're talking normal.
No, you're not.
It's my phone.
She won't answer the phone now.
I insulted her.
Poor old lady.
Oh, boy.
All right.
Moving along here.
Moving along.
The Horse.
This place is just called The Horse, where a woman named Kelly answered the phone.
Sounds good.
It's called Big Kelly.
Horse, this is Kelly.
Hey, Kelly.
Is this Big Kelly?
Yes.
Big, dumb-as-a-horse Kelly, how are you?
What was that?
Big Kelly, dumb as a horse Kelly?
Yes.
Okay, that's good.
What specials you got going there tonight, you old bitch?
We don't have any specials.
What do you do there then?
What was that?
What do you do there?
What's the big deal?
What do we do here?
Yeah.
Well, people in here are drinking tonight.
Okay.
Do they have a liquor license or just beer?
No, there's a liquor license.
All right, so I can get tequila?
Yep.
All right.
How many bottles of tequila do you have in stock?
What was that?
I want you to line up all the bottles of tequila on the bar.
Okay.
And I'm going to throw my friend Artie through them.
Bitch, that was stupid.
I hate calling bars.
I'm going to have time for that shit in bars.
You know what I mean?
Like, yeah, whatever.
Got to go.
Bye.
They're used to people insulting them.
Big Kelly.
No, nothing.
It is 11.45 p.m.
This is Carlito of Madhouse Radio.
Artie's over there somewhere.
Dirty Aaron, the company Yes fans here also.
Hey.
Yes, hi.
Hi, I was wondering, what are your rates for this weekend, for Friday and Saturday?
For how many people?
Uh, two men, one bed.
One bed?
Yeah, and we're going to kiss each other on the bed.
Yes.
It's what?
65, is it?
Yeah.
Right, and there's not a problem if me and my man friend are kissing on the bed?
Well, listen, crazy old lady, stupid old lady, listen.
I just want to make sure that there's no trouble with the law if I'm kissing a man on the bed.
he's kissing a man on the bed oh god oh boy that made me laugh he's kissing a man on the bed
awesome dude uh everybody madhouse radio carlito madhouse live.com is the website
dirty aaron is here somewhere evil arty is here somewhere i think
yo i'm here yeah dirty aaron's here hey arty
can anybody hear me i'm talking really loud hey you sound quick just like already i'm talking
normal what are you talking about gold i really want to keep calling that lady in the motel we'll
keep going but in the meantime good god golden corral oh golden corral hey all right go bye
it's not open
is there a 24 hour buffet
yeah
in Orlando
yeah yeah
where
it's over on
West Colonial
is it good
West Colonial
John Young Parkway
yeah it's good
what's it called
Kilo's
oh sushi
yeah you do that man
there's good sushi
over there too
West Colonial
John Young Parkway
you should go there
right now
Bay Ridge
already I'm sending you
to the ghetto
aren't you paying attention
yes hi
how are you
good good
my name is Horse
I have a complaint
okay
I was there, and I had my plate, and I went to where the man makes the steaks.
And he said to me, what are you, stupid?
Who told you that?
The steak man.
I'm sorry?
The steak man.
The Mexican stupid steak man.
How did they tell you?
He said, what are you, stupid?
He told you stupid.
He said, what are you, stupid?
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Somebody else heard that?
Everybody heard it.
And he threw the steak at me on my face.
And why you don't say anything to the managers in the moment?
Because I got scared and I ran away.
You were scared and you got away.
And then I didn't pay.
So now you call me, how long was?
30 minutes ago.
And why you don't say anything to the manager?
Because I was scared because the man had a knife and he said,
if you tell the manager and he pointed the knife and he put it in the steak,
he was like, eh, eh, eh, eh, like that.
He said, eh, eh, eh, he said to me like that.
He said, eh, eh, like that.
You say it was a day far ago.
Uh-huh.
Who was that man?
I was here half hour ago, and I don't see anything like that.
Maybe it was you.
It was me?
It was you.
I was the manager, sir.
So I think you did it.
Ah, you think I did.
What's your name?
Gonzalez?
So you're accusing me of something I know did.
What is your name, Gonzalez?
My name is not Gonzalez.
Lopez.
So who are you, sir?
My name is Cross.
So you start accusing me of something I know did.
Well, because you're answering the phone.
So you say somebody else did, and now you're accusing me.
What was your name?
I'm not giving you my name because you started accusing me of things I never did.
I command you to give me your name, you son of a bitch.
You can come in any time you want.
I'm going to punch you in the face.
Okay, come in.
You shithead motherfucker shit.
Okay, come on over.
You bitch.
You stupid.
Horse.
Huh?
Do you have a horse?
Did you come in my...
They only have donkeys there.
Oh, boy.
Peace.
Yes, hello.
Hello.
Is the manager there?
He's speaking.
What is your name?
What do you want my name for?
Oh, to write it down.
I have a compliment.
Oh, boy.
Artie.
Hey.
We're going to call this guy.
I just want you to say, who am I talking to?
All right.
You ready?
Huh?
We're going to call, and we're going to say, hi.
Just ask him, what are their hours there, okay?
And then he gives you an answer, right?
Okay.
And then ask him, oh, what was your name?
Who am I talking to?
All right, you got it.
Why is that?
So I can get his name, you stupid shit.
Okay, okay, yeah.
God damn it.
I'm baked.
I'm sorry.
What?
I'm going to answer now because of Artie.
Thanks a lot, Artie.
Appreciate it.
We're doing someone else.
Don't do it now.
God damn it.
God damn it.
Well, we're having fun here.
That's what I call a horse.
That's what I say, a horse call.
Artie, I hear you got some dishes back there.
Are we making spaghetti?
When was the last time we had spaghetti, Artie?
I could go for some spaghetti right now.
That's white people food.
I know what you guys like, spaghetti.
You don't like spaghetti?
White people love putting spaghetti in the microwave and they get the sauce.
Oh, baked spaghetti.
Yeah, the sauce gets everywhere.
God, I hate it when white people do that.
It's like, come on, clean your sauce.
Spaghetti sauce, man.
Seriously.
I love when the sauce gets on my genitals.
This is Michael.
How may I help you?
Yeah, hi, listen.
I put your food in the microwave, and it started a fire.
I want to get the name of the manager right now.
You put the food in the microwave, and it started a fire?
Yeah, they told me to put the food in the microwave just like this,
and it had aluminum foil, and they just didn't warn me.
Oh.
Give me one second.
Ah, shit.
All right, give me one second.
I'm just going to get back to racetrack.
Bye, Artie.
No, I'm just going to get back to racetrack.
Yeah, is this manager?
Yes.
Listen, what's the deal with your packages, Dan?
What's the deal with the people telling me to put stuff in the microwave that's flammable and dangerous?
Who told you to put something in the microwave?
The person there when I got the food.
They said, oh, yeah, put it in just like this in the microwave, three minutes.
Who's the person?
He said, okay, wait a minute, I'm talking.
The person said.
Say what?
I'm talking.
The person gave.
So who are you talking to?
I'm talking.
The person.
Be a man, come down here and talk to me.
You're a stupid woman.
and why would I go down there unless they're going to fuck you?
Are you a woman?
Is that what the problem is?
Too strong.
That was perfect.
Alright, Dirty Aaron, do me a favor.
We're going to call that Golden Corral.
Hopefully the guy picks up the manager
and just like I try to get already to do,
ask them what time they close
and then ask, oh, thank you, what was your name again?
And then I'm going to jump in.
I'm sorry, I'm getting a fucking advertisement.
Shut up, advertisements.
Nothing.
nothing nothing damn it hiding from his problems as ken says it's a good business idea good
business plan good business skills well we'll move on then we'll have to move on what can i do
i sent in a request to prank for a my touch 4g that one you were talking about a couple weeks
back real good my touch 4g i got pulled off the t-mobile site just recently that's there moving
right along claus says stuck smoking he was stuck smoking out of a can a day ago it's like you're
You're smoking crack terrible for you.
Yeah, that was the way.
I already talked about this.
The way I used to smoke in public.
Take a can with me and do that.
I thought about taking a break.
Might as well just kill the other hour, you know, keep going.
Let's do it.
So I have a question.
So with our daylight savings time here, it didn't happen in the U.K., right?
So is it earlier there or what?
Yeah, it is.
I don't think they get daylight savings for another few weeks.
Nunu, let us know.
No, I think they have, like, two weeks left until they get theirs.
I think that's how it works.
So it's even earlier there now, right?
Yeah, it is, actually.
Yeah, you're right.
Richie's here.
Hey, Big Richie, how you doing?
Hey, Carlito.
Hey, Aaron.
What's up?
Hey, kiddo.
How you doing, little kid?
One second.
Oh, sorry.
My headphones weren't working.
Okay, that's cool.
I fixed it.
I know you probably don't care about the NBA or the Nets,
you being from Brooklyn now,
but sorry, we stole Dwight Howard back.
Wait, the Nets signed Dwight Howard?
They tried to.
Oh, they didn't get him, though.
Nope, nope, nope, nope.
I'm a Knicks fan.
I don't care about the Knicks.
Good luck with that.
That's another problem.
I've been in the stadium where, or whatever,
that the Portland Trail Rangers play in.
I don't know.
What is it called?
The Portland House.
The Rose Center Gardens.
The Rose Garden?
Yeah.
Okay.
All right, cool.
Sounds about right.
We called the station Fusion Italian Cuisine already.
We got Bernard.
Hey, wait a minute.
when is uh today tomorrow st patrick's day i think sunday oh wait maybe tomorrow is what day is it
why the fuck are we calling ireland the 17th is st patrick's day i believe that's saturday yeah
st patrick's day is coming up all right cool time to drink beer all right good uh today's the 16th
yeah well yesterday well thursday the 15th that's uh the the ides of march yeah we missed that uh
That's when Julius Caesar got
assassinated. Yay.
St. Patrick's Day is just another reason
for Irish people to drink.
They needed a reason, but
it's a day for them to get a parade, then drink.
Exactly, and drink in public.
That's safe. Have you ever been to the
Puerto Rico Day Parade there, Richie?
You ever get scared? Have you ever been around?
No, I don't go to parades
unless it's close. He only does the
Pride Parades. Yeah.
We got Le Rendezvous. I have no idea what that is,
but we'll call him. Tristan's asking where's the
a goddamn milkman milkman's getting laid man milkman is balls deep right now they must be
close let's see milkman's done already he's got to be done by now right he can't last that long
hold on he's probably asleep sucking his thumb please enjoy the following music while your party
is being reached william milkman what's
what's happening man you sound like you're in a good mood how you doing i'm in a very good
mood my friend how would you know why don't you why don't you let us hear that man what's the
matter i thought we were down what why wouldn't you let us hear what happened oh my god dude it
was just too insane man it was like wow what are you talking about okay are you speaking english
milkman's all orgasmic
driving around his taxi with no shirt on right now like he doesn't care
I'm driving again, man.
I'm driving.
I just think I could go back and do my homework.
Man, homework is...
Okay, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Sounds good, man.
I know how you feel.
All right, then.
You go five fingers deep.
All right, cool.
Richie's on the line.
IG Richie, he's...
Well, I don't know.
Five, man.
It looks like five.
I don't know.
More like three fingers.
IG Richie's on the line.
Richie, have you ever...
Are you still in the V Club?
It's cool if you are.
You want to talk about it?
You got any questions?
How it works?
Milkman will tell you.
He just got laid.
Okay.
Okay, Milkman, go.
He doesn't, that's, uh, poor Richie.
I'm sure Richie's probably been there already, right?
Richie, you've been there, right?
You're one of the guys?
No.
No.
That's not Three Finger Freddy.
I'm not going to mix up Freddy and Richie Randall.
No, this is the real Richie.
This is Brooklyn Richie.
Oh, it's the Richie Richie.
Okay, Richie Rich, Richie.
Save it until you're married.
That's the right thing to do.
Exactly.
Okay.
Well, you've heard the legend of Three Finger Freddy, haven't you?
It's Four Finger Freddy, Milkman.
Come on, man.
Okay, Milkman, you're creeping us out.
Tristan says Richie needs to ride in the
bang taxi.
Wow!
Seriously, good for you.
Does he need a minute?
I don't know, yeah, he's going to get an accident, man.
Goodness, we're in heaven.
Wow!
See what happens? He got all religious.
That's like my wife.
She gets religious during the special time.
Hold on, hold on.
There he goes again.
gun yeah i was at the doctor's office and i got this thing where i teased my wife and i i tell her
all right here's what happened me and my wife were at a red light one night okay and as a joke this
is recently maybe a few weeks ago i thought it'd be funny to whip my dick out and go and turn the
lights off in the car so i did i turned the the dome light on inside the car and i whipped my
dick out and i went like that and i was shaking it and she looked down and she goes oh my god
you know so i keep saying ah you said it's so funny oh my god oh my god and she's like i didn't
say oh my god i don't say that so for the few weeks the last few weeks now i always say oh
my god to make fun of her she's like i don't say oh my god so we were at a doctor's appointment
doctor's office we're waiting and i teased her about it again and i said oh my god she goes i
I didn't say that.
That right there was my encouragement.
I'm talking.
So anyway, so I say, oh, my God, my wife.
And she's like, I didn't say that.
And I said, you said that last night.
Yeah, we were saying that last night.
And she got real embarrassed because I said it real loud,
and everyone heard me say that my wife was saying, oh, my God, last night.
So that's the story.
There you go.
Great story.
Richie likes it.
He's breathing.
That's a good story.
Yeah, he's careful.
Richie's going to get it all out of the way.
Weren't you all saying, like, God damn it, like, a week ago?
Yeah, we say God damn it a lot, too, because of the show.
Oh, no, no.
We would never.
God damn it.
Robert Bromich, who I called and hung up, and now he's probably not going to pick up.
He's in England.
Yeah, how are you, man?
I want to let you know.
Is that where you went?
Call you, bro.
It's good to hear.
Hello.
Hi, is this the Richard guy?
What was your name?
Robert Bromich?
It may be, but I hope you know you're calling us at four in the morning, so just get stuck
and get off the line and give me your number.
You stupid bitch.
Bitch, listen.
Give me your number.
You shut up.
I don't have to give you my number.
I'm calling from the government.
I'm calling from the National Time, Royal Time Association, United Kingdom.
Well, what are you doing calling at this time in the morning?
Well, I'm calling to remind you that the clocks are being set forward one hour this weekend.
The cost of what?
Your clocks.
All the clocks need to be set forward one hour this weekend.
Well, what the hell are you telling me that for?
I could tell you that.
Just get off the line, will you?
Well, this is a requirement.
Who is it?
Robert, please listen to me.
I'm calling from the British Office of Time Management.
Do what?
The British Office of Time Management, sir.
Do what? The British what?
Who are you?
Dude, we're calling from the British Office of Time Management.
Who are you?
For goodness sake.
British Office of Time Management, BTM.
British who?
British Office of Time Management.
You're the first one who should
Bloody well understand about time management
You're wasting your life sir
We're advising you to get out more
Maybe go skydiving
You're wasting time
Yeah, you're wasting time
So get out more
Go to the clubs
Even though you're probably like 90 years old
I can't hear a word you're saying now
Jesus Christ dude
I said go skydiving, jump off a plane
You don't need a parachute
Just ask God for help
Say oh my God please
Yes.
You understand?
Oh, man.
Damn, that was terrible.
I know.
I'm rusty.
They could have gone somewhere.
Let me try them again.
Let me explain.
I'll explain it for you.
I got you, Richie.
I got your back.
You got to talk real slow.
Okay.
I thought you could talk loud now.
What happened?
I don't know.
I just got scared there.
He's learning.
Hello, sir?
Sir?
Don't call me, sir.
Just get off the line.
Okay, ma'am.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
Listen, I...
I'm not a ma'am.
You're a bloody idiot.
Just get off the line.
Listen, you said don't call you sir.
Sir, we're calling from the British Office of Time Management.
I don't care if you are bloody time management.
For Christ's sake, understand what the time management is.
It's 4 o'clock in the morning here, and I don't want to hear from you.
That's the problem.
It's actually 5 a.m. in the morning.
You have the wrong time.
Are you talking to me, dude?
Yeah.
Slow down.
You're talking to me, dude.
Wow.
What a bunch of weird fucks, man.
I have an idea.
I'm going to call saying I'm from the phone company asking, calling to report suspicious.
No, never mind.
The next one.
Great idea.
All right.
Lonesome Losers.
Then again, another number here for another Robert.
Robert Palmer.
His name is Robert Palmer.
Where did it go?
Oh, we got Request a Prank.
Let me get those real quick.
Pete Bell.
Tell him he sucks at Halo or whatever.
Tell him you are Chris.
He stays up all night playing Halo 3 on an Xbox machine.
You suck at Halo.
I totally pwned you the last game.
I shot your headshot.
UK Ted wants to be on.
Hi, UK Ted.
Is he off restriction?
I guess so.
Hi, UK Ted.
Hey, guys.
Ted's out of the dark house.
So that guy that you just, that old guy, the British guy that you just prank called,
I think he said his wife's name was June.
So if you call him back and ask to speak to June, I think that would be fun.
All right, let me do one call and then we'll call him back.
Let's set him to settle.
Remind me after this one.
We'll call him back.
Oh, man.
Call the Xbox guy.
Yeah, Xbox guy first.
A different number first.
I'm on a bell right now
So leave your name and number and I'll get back to you
That's the Halo guy not answering there
So
UKTad you said June is the name
Of the broad
Alright cool
Do you remember the surname? Clark
I believe it's Clark
It sounded almost Russian
The guy that we talked to? Russian?
His name sounded Russian
It was like Roger
Robert?
And he had a Russian last name
Bromwich?
Oh, yeah.
I'm going to call someone else.
Yeah, Bromwich.
I'm going to call him later then.
Hello?
Yes, hi.
Is this June?
Or is Robert there?
Sorry, say again?
Is Robert there?
Yes, he is.
It's only 4 o'clock in the morning, but I can wake him up for you.
Just a second.
Hurry up, please.
Thank you.
Hello?
Robert.
Yes, hi.
I'm calling from the, what is it I'm calling from?
The British Time Management Association.
Machine.
Machine.
Okay.
Well, that's the issue.
It is actually 5 o'clock in the morning.
You have to set your time forward, one hour, on all your clocks.
Your clocks, daylights, you know, the time change?
You know what that is?
Changing the time?
Because my concern, I noticed that you weren't informed during the regular time
that you had to change the time forward one time up, one hour.
So then I was afraid that you were going to wake up late,
late, but actually be early
because we gain an hour, right?
Or you show up late. You show up late for work.
So then what you need to do is...
How many clocks do you have there, first of all?
I have you... The computer here says
you have four clocks inside the house.
How many clock machines do you have, Robert?
Sorry, I'm looking off
because I'm trying to sleep.
You stupid horse. You're a stupid horse.
He also needs to check the batteries
and his smoke alarms.
Absolutely. That's what you do. That's right.
Good point. Today's
is that really this week that it's happening in the UK
or is it later?
It's on the 25th, British Summer Time.
25th. GMT plus one.
All our GMT listeners,
all our UK listeners, remember
it's a good day to
check the batteries right
and your smoke alarm. What else do you do?
They always, if it's something
you're supposed to do twice a year, they tell you it's as
good as the day to do it.
In England, we have that.
It's a tradition.
at least twice a year
brush teeth as well
looks like no answer
alright sorry guys alright we got Brian Foster
Smith Photography in England
a woman answered there
I guess it must be a personal business
out of the home probably
can they take pictures of me
Brian Foster
our soccer club called the Handsome Bull Soccer Club
once this is Brian Foster
hello
yes hi
Brian Foster there
Yes, this is Brock Rockwell.
I'm calling from the
UK Time Administration.
I'm calling from the UK Time
Administration machines.
Is Brian Smith there?
Tell the line.
Tell the line.
Well, apparently the story was there were
100 copies of pornographic movies
were dumped on their street.
And these are the people that were calling
on their street?
Well, yeah, they live on the street.
Yes, hi. I was calling about the
The pornographic movies that you found on your street?
Yes, hello.
I was calling about the pornographic movies that were found on your street.
Right, please.
Well, listen, you're with photography,
so we have traced down that you're the person who made these movies.
Let me go away.
Listen, how many...
Is that the woman who's in the naked movies?
Tell me.
I'll leave.
No?
Try again.
Bullshit.
Well, well...
You know they're shady if they're open at 5 a.m. in the morning?
I don't know.
Nothing.
Next!
Next. Next. Porn Street.
21 Porn Street. The porn version
of that movie. So now,
I was, like, when I first saw the promo
for that, like, the first trailer for that a few
months ago, I was like, this is gonna suck. What's going
on? And now I'm, like, warming up to that damn
movie, and I might watch it. 21 Jump
Street. Yeah, it's gonna suck.
Yeah, it might.
It looks good. I don't know if it's gonna have ice cubes in it.
You never know. Oh, man, he was in this
great movie called, uh,
you know, where he takes the kids on the plane or
whatever. Fucking great movie.
movie snakes on a plane no motherfucker uh where oh shit that was funny
snakes on a plane that was an ice cube ice cubes music he's talking about how awesome he is and
how much of a gangster he is and then he's in uh stupid fucking movies oh yeah like as like good
people he's a sellout is that the guy that played morpheus in the matrix yes it is uk 10 that is
is Ice Cube.
Ice Cube played more
He's in Men in Black
as well, isn't he?
Yes, he is.
He's the black man.
They all look the same
to UK people, don't they?
You know, speaking of
Men in Black,
Men in Black 3,
I didn't even know
that was coming out.
I was looking at the trailer
for 21 Jump Street
and it linked me to
Men in Black 3.
Who knew?
That looks like
it's going to suck.
That's sad.
I love those movies.
I looked up cops
and it led me to
Black Man.
I was like, what?
Imagine that.
Woo, woo, woo.
Milkman's back.
All right.
Milkman.
He's still drunk on love.
He's still drunk on pussy juice.
Ugh.
Ugh, man.
How many potatoes do you think
possible for a barbarian girl?
Like six potatoes or one piece?
I believe the legend of the
gang that's used in the most beautiful
women in the world.
Is that your second time, Milkman?
Uh, yeah, actually, yeah.
I'm probably going to go back for round three here
in just a little bit, so I might be a disappearance.
She's going to milk you.
Hey, buddy.
I can't provide.
We got a Christian missionary group in Tokyo, Japan.
Call them and tell them that Christians are not welcome in Japan.
And they need to get the fuck out and get real jobs.
If you want, he will do the prank right away.
UK Ted.
Alright, this is your idea.
Were you a member?
Is this what it is?
Is this how you ended up in Japan?
You were part of this missionary group?
No, definitely not.
Yeah, right.
How did you end up in Japan?
Were you in the military?
What's going on with that?
No, I was a high school teacher.
You just got out of high school.
Oh, wow.
You were a teacher?
電話の方はしばらくお待ちください。
クスの方はスパンを押してください。
What?
What did it say?
Hold?
What did it say?
Onika, Ite, Yo, Tamagawa.
Tentacle porn.
ただいま、奥におりません。
クスに切り替えます。
Prepare for a loud noise.
Well, we got two Japanese speakers here.
Neither of them wants to tell me what was going on.
What did I miss there?
UK Ted, Milkman?
It was a text sheet.
Ah.
thank you very good good point yeah you're awesome that's just you're all over that
japanese repacked machine all right we got we got a number in worcester mass a horse trailer for
sale i guess i don't know kate it says the name is kate the prank premise is horse trailer okay
you got it man let me take this i got the horse thing go down all right the horse thing dirty
Dirty Aaron. Dirty with the horse.
Milkman's dirty with the
Bulgarian. Wow.
Belgium. What was it?
What's the name? Kate? Kate. Kate Mulgrew.
Your call has been forwarded to an
automatic voice message system.
It's not available.
Not good at all. Sorry, Gabe.
We tried. I'll try it again.
Try it again. Try it again. I love Richie.
Sending in a request to prank. Tell Richie I love him.
There you go, Richie.
Seriously? Yeah.
What the?
That's weird.
Yeah, no, that's that weird guy that's looking for a girlfriend.
That was you.
Who?
That was you.
You said that to yourself.
Who sent that?
I don't know.
Some guy.
It said the name is I Love Richie.
Anonymous sender.
Is it written in Bulgarian?
No.
Oh, boy.
They sent a number in the UK, let's call it.
Probably the Bristol Police.
Oh, it was Tristan.
Tristan wants to take your cherry, Richie.
Watch out, man.
Don't let him take it.
Might as well just let him take it.
They'll never get him back.
...forwarded to an automatic voice message system.
Isn't Richie like 14?
Pretty sure even joking like that is a felony.
No, I'm 15.
Not if you only put the head in.
Depends how old you are and what state you're in.
Some places 15 is okay if you're 25 or something, right?
There's an entire website devoted to the ageofconsent.com.
Is there really?
Yes.
It breaks it down per state, per age.
There you go, UK.
If you go to that website, seriously, you're going to hell.
I've been there.
That website's a trap.
You know, I said seriously, like, going there to actually use it for, like, specific...
Yep, you'll check your GPS and go straight down to the hell.
Ageofconsent.us
They'll put a GPS in your bag so when you die you go straight down to the hell.
Virginia for the Windcrop says, well, they got loose laws.
I think the state that has the loosest law is, like, Mississippi.
Isn't it, like, 14 for any age or something like that?
There's one state. It's 12 years old.
Oh, my God.
That's Utah.
What if you're related?
No, that's Utah also.
I think, yeah.
Yeah, it's one of those.
Utah, I think Mississippi, too.
It's like you could be cousins or something.
You could be first cousins to get married.
All the first cousins voted for Rick Santorum.
There you go, Rick Santorum.
Because they're stupid.
You know, I was thinking today,
at some point we're going to have to endorse somebody on Madhouse,
and I have no idea who it's going to be for president.
Ralph Nader.
Well, it might be somebody.
It might be an outsider.
I don't think, I mean.
Just whoever's for the Green Party ticket.
Just that's a safe bet.
I'm pretty sure that's going to.
Maybe Ron Paul would run separate.
I voted for the Green Party
in the last elections.
And we won.
We're the only
Green constituency in the UK.
I think that's awesome.
Well, the UK voting is weird. You guys don't vote.
Isn't it the Parliament votes the President or something stupid?
Don't you just vote for the party?
Am I wrong?
Well, we vote for members of Parliament
and then the executive branch is drawn
from the Parliament.
That's not fair.
Which I think is more democratic than the American system,
because your executive branch, you only vote for one person,
you vote for the president.
And then he picks whoever the fuck he wants.
Yeah, he can appoint the entire executive branch,
he can appoint his cabinet.
Whereas in the UK, the cabinet is drawn from elected members of parliament.
That makes more sense, because every four or eight years,
is you just get a whole new batch of people
that are learning how to do the job all over again.
Yeah, nothing gets better.
Well, I mean, if the president...
Say if Obama died, for example,
then Joe Biden would be president.
Is that right?
And we'd all die after that.
Well, no, but he is not an elected politician.
And yet he would be president.
He was a senator.
He was a congressman.
Yeah, he is.
When you vote for a president,
they run with the vice president,
so you're voting for both of them.
Yeah.
Well, I think up until like, well, not too long ago, you had to vote for the vice president also.
Until like the mid-1900s, I think.
Not anymore, but you're right.
UK Ted, you're right.
I'm talking about the past.
But yes, it's a ticket.
You vote for the ticket.
So the ticket is the Obama-Biden ticket.
That's how it goes.
But still, you got a point.
Okay.
Yeah, you got a point.
There's a whole chain.
There's a chain of coming out.
But not everyone in the White House is appointed.
the president. You got a point, because
if the shit hits the...
Well, here it goes.
If the president dies, and it's the vice
president, then after that, it's the
Speaker of the House.
And after that, it's members of the cabinet.
So, there was a
movie about nuclear war,
a first strike
by Russia, and
the president was like...
He couldn't...
Everyone presumed the president was dead, but he wasn't.
And then it was like a member of
of the cabinet
that took over
and he was like
some bum fuck idiot
like he was like
some
I think it was like
the
secretary of
freaking like
education or something
and he didn't know
what he was doing
and he was like
well we need to
nuke them all
and he wanted to like
destroy the whole world
or something
I don't know
I forgot what that
movie that was
it's called
Battlestar Galactica
no
James Earl Jones
was in that movie
I remember that
it was good
Star Wars
yeah that's it
Star Wars
oh you mean
Coming to America
no
UK Ted you can answer all questions
from America with
Dr. Dre and the guy from
The Matrix
Ice Cube
and Jonah Hill because he's in all the movies too
just about
he's the white guy in all the movies now
alright let's do that
Porno Street
we should get the number for the entire street
like everybody on the street's number
and then just call them
let me double check this here
here bro robert well it was in maidenhead england highfield lane i haven't got any more numbers in
that no bullshit yeah man the chat news says uh i think you should call in we got another one we
got another one in that neighborhood this is frank easterbrook cheers guys bye oh cheers are you
drinking at work ted i'm not at work tonight wonderful no stapling didn't you notice there
there wasn't any stapling.
I actually did.
Porno Street.
Anybody want this other than me?
Yeah.
Frank Easterbrook.
Yes, hello, Frank.
Yes.
Yes, hello.
This is Brent Westwood calling
from the British Pornography Administration.
What the hell are you calling me for?
Well, we'd like to talk about
all the pornography that they found on your street.
We've been contracted by the British Parliament
to launch an independent investigation
into the pornography that you left...
Do you know what the time is?
Do you know what the time is?
Yes, exactly.
It is 4.40 a.m. GMT.
All right, good night.
No, hello, sir.
Sir, the computer...
Oh, man.
Yes, I'm the supervisor of the British Pornography District, all right?
And you just hung up on my associate, Frank.
I don't appreciate that.
I'm putting him back on the line.
I'll take care of this.
Go ahead.
Yes, hello, Frankie.
Frank, are you there?
What do you want?
Did you leave 100 copies of Big Knockers on your neighbor's lawn as a practical joke?
It's okay if you did.
I mean, it's funny, but the schoolchildren almost saw all of the pornography laying about.
I don't know what you're talking about.
You don't know what you're talking about?
No.
Okay.
I don't believe you, sir.
I think that you left all the copies of Big Knockers out on the street for the children to see.
Did you or did you not?
I honestly don't know what you're talking about.
Okay.
Okay. Is there anyone else in the house we can talk to to verify that you do not know about the pornography?
No. Well, I'm here. I don't do anything.
So
you don't know anything about monkey dipstick?
I promise you I do not
Or big knockers?
No, I haven't a clue
Also
Are you ready to change your
Clocks back?
Change my clock? I do
Have you done it yet?
What?
Are you there?
Yeah.
Listen, stupid.
I didn't know what you...
So you don't know about the porno, and you don't know what time it is?
It's 4.42 in the morning, I'm in England, and I don't know what you're talking about.
Okay, it is 9.43 p.m. on the West Coast.
I have been contracted by the British Parliament to launch an independent investigation
about the hundred copies of Big Knoppers dumped on Leafy Street.
Do you live on Leafy Street?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I understand.
Do you live on Pekingese Road in Maidenhead?
No.
You don't?
No.
Well, then why are you wasting my time?
Because you told me.
Well, I got this phone number from my manager.
Is my manager there, UK Ted?
Yes.
Can you explain this to me?
UK Ted, go ahead.
Yeah.
What's up?
Sorry, I'm just in the office.
I missed the other call.
This is the man who dumped out a hundred copies of a pornographic movie in front of children on Leafy Street.
We have him on the line here.
You okay, Ted?
There's no, there's no, I don't know what you're talking about.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Give me like a minute, okay?
Quick, because I got four minutes.
Is this on Pinkney's Road, sir?
No, I'm not, no, I don't live on Pinkney's Road.
Yes, you do.
I do not
I think you're lying to me now
So I don't think there's any need for you to lie to me
I just don't know what's happening here
I do not live on Pinkney's Road
You live in the general area
What number have you got there?
The number we called idiot
So why is it that you're on our list of numbers
To call on Pinkney's Road
Regarding this incident
And why are you being so evasive
We're asking very simple questions here
I'm giving you the answer
So I do not live on Pinkney's Road.
What about the pornography, then?
I do not do pornography.
How many copies of pornography do you have in your home right now?
None.
I promise you, I have none.
Well, that's because they're on the street.
Sorry?
Oh, you did.
Did your girlfriend find them and you had to throw them all outside?
No.
I'm married.
I am 76 years old.
Oi, I was on the way to school.
I saw it.
Yeah, we have a child here in the land who saw the pornography when you dumped it on the street.
an American child
American child
good Christian boy
he's going to go to law school until he saw all that pornography
there's something horribly wrong here
because I see not
pornography on the street
wherever you're talking about
listen this child keeps masturbating every time
now every time he thinks about the movies
you know what you've done to him
he's gone blind dammit
he doesn't leave his room
he takes a shower it takes him like 90 minutes to take a shower
his dad's knocking on the door of the bathroom
get out and he's like oh I'm not done yet
I'm almost done
why is he taking so long in the bathroom
tell me
well he's masturbating
in the bathroom a lot because of the movies
you just seem very evasive
and the fact if you have nothing
if you did nothing you have nothing to worry about
if you did nothing wrong
I think you made a prank call to us sir
you submitted this number as a prank didn't you
You're wasting the British Parliament's time.
Somebody has given you a wrong number.
I don't understand what...
I really don't know what you're talking about.
Do you have the correct number there, perhaps?
Do you have a T-1?
You see?
There, sir.
I don't know what...
This is about masturbation and pornography.
On Pekingese Road.
Damn, you hung up.
But he stayed on forever.
I'm telling you.
I think he wanted to know the story.
Yeah, good times.
We've got more numbers than that general area.
We have about 15-20 minutes left to show
so we can get to them here. Peter Brass
is in the area. There we go.
How British a title for a pornography
movie is that? For a porno.
What is it called? Big Knockers? Huge Knockers?
Big Knockers. The other one is really confusing.
It's, uh, god damn, where is it at?
Mucky Dipstick?
I like that.
Big Knockers.
Mucky Dipstick.
50 DVDs called
Mucky's Dipstick
I really like Big Knockers
There's an old
There's an old
Recluse prank call
Where he's like
I want to talk to
He's calling the UK
And he says
I want to talk to the girl
With the Big Knockers
I wish I could play that now
I did find one here
I was looking for that
And I found a 30 second prank
That I wanted to play
It's called
I'm looking through your window
I don't remember that at all
Where'd it go?
I don't know if anybody
Remembers that
I'm looking in your window
By Recluse
Who are you?
I'm Bloody Brilliant
What the fuck was that?
I don't remember that at all.
That's pretty funny.
Oh, wonderful.
You look wonderful.
There you go.
Richie, that's what you should say about the movie.
It looks wonderful.
That's probably what the movie sounds like.
That's what Milkman sounded like with that girl.
Probably.
That's wonderful.
We're picking on Milkman, but I'm happy he, you know, I'm happy he got a little bit, a little bit of stank.
A little bit of strange.
A little bit of strange.
UK Ted, you know about the G-Spot, right?
You know how to get to it, right?
It's on Pekingese Road.
Yeah.
It's on the side.
It's on the side.
No, it's not.
You don't know about the G-Spot, Richie.
You better learn that.
Pretty soon it'll be prom night.
You're going to be expecting that.
That's when all the rapes happen.
Hello?
Peter Brass?
Yes?
Yes, we're calling from the United Kingdom Decency Association.
What association?
Association? The Decency Association.
Public, United Kingdom,
Public Decency Association.
Decency, Peter. Put it down.
No, listen. You're indecent.
You dumped a bunch of pornographic movies
in the neighborhood.
It seems
like the men just want to stay on the phone forever.
The wives have to tell them to hang up the phone.
What's up with Maidenhead?
I guess Maidenhead said...
Hello? You're disturbing me.
I'm asleep at night.
Do you not phone me up again?
We have a child on the line here
who can't stop masturbating because of the movies you dump.
Can you hear him?
Can you not phone me?
It's clear. You're creeping me out.
We got Peter Crosley.
Same neighborhood. You guys take this one.
Bring it on.
Yes, good morning. Is Mr. Crosley available?
4.30 in the morning.
It's very easy. I just dial the number.
Can you stop calling me at 4.30 in the morning
and waking me up?
Okay, listen.
Listen, here's the situation.
Listen, woman, here's the situation.
Don't you talk to me and call me woman.
You're waking me up from a deep sleep.
I don't know where you're ringing from, but it's outrageous.
I'm ringing from Los Angeles.
We have been contracted by the British Parliament for a decency investigation.
Do you know anything about this?
No, I don't.
Well, someone has left a pile of indecent pornographic movies out on the street in your neighborhood.
on Pekingese Road.
Oh, for goodness sake.
And by the way, it's 4.53 a.m. GMT.
Do you know anything about these movies?
What's the guy's name again?
Peter.
Hello?
Yes, hello, Peter.
Who are you?
Yes, good morning.
This is Brent Westwood calling
from the UK indecency machine.
We have been contracted.
We're in the United States.
We've been contracted by the British government
to launch an independent investigation for decency.
Do you know anything about this, sir?
Do you know anything about this, sir?
Absolutely nothing.
So you know nothing of the 100 DVDs of Big Knockers that were left in your neighborhood?
No.
Only because the British Parliament has lost an independent investigation regarding indecent films that were left on the street for school children to see.
Okay.
You live in the neighborhood.
We're making investigations all through that neighborhood to make sure that this does not happen again.
The children could have picked up the DVD and read them.
Where are you calling from?
I'm calling from the United States.
Right, okay.
Do you know what time it is here?
Yes, as a matter of fact, it is 4.54 a.m. GMT.
We want to make sure and get right ahead of this.
The Queen has been informed, so we want to make sure we're taking care of this.
It's an independent investigation.
Do you understand?
Investigation.
Yeah, I don't know what you're arguing for, though.
Oh, my God.
Put the woman back on the phone if you don't understand what's happening.
Wait, somebody called me.
No, I will not put the woman back on.
You just stop the call now.
Yes, you will.
And don't bother us anymore.
Okay, now hold on a second.
I'm sorry.
Let me back up a little bit.
Do you know anything about these movies that were left on the street?
Absolutely nothing at all.
Do you live on Pekingese Road?
No, we don't.
Do you live near there?
No.
Well, someone gave us your number.
Well, I don't know who gave you our number,
but, you know, they're a ridiculous conversation.
Horse to you, sir.
Horse to you.
Horse to you.
He hasn't hung up, has he?
He's back there arguing.
Oh, wait, don't hang up, don't hang up.
It's like that noise.
She was back there yammering like,
he called me woman.
Let me start this one off.
You have to pick up.
Busy.
I got in trouble for not doing the dishes again.
You did.
Yeah.
Line is stuck on busy now.
I don't think we'll be calling that.
I think we'll do one more call and that's going to be...
Oh, no, we got a little bit of time.
Never mind.
Never mind me.
We got a few more then.
Wagon and horses
In the same area
Wagon and horses
Whatever
I doubt it
Be open
Guy answered
According to the
Lonesome loser
Knows what he's doing
Guy answered
Oh cool
I don't know how he does that
He gets them to confirm
And then
It doesn't seem like
They're in the right area
They keep
They're not near the
Well it's probably
He's probably trying to
Get them as close as he can
It's hard just to target
The wagon and horses is
Yeah I'm looking at it
On Google Maps
At the moment
I think Bucky's dipstick
Is probably better
Than Big Knocker's
I know
This is Waggon and Horses.
Yes.
This is the, we're calling from Chicago, Illinois, United States.
We have been contracted by the British Parliament for an independent investigation via the United Kingdom Decency Act.
We understand that you've been possibly dumping copies of pornographic videos in the neighborhood,
and we need to take a statement immediately.
Lose the target, lose the patient, yeah.
You guys do better than I do, I guess.
Try them again. You guys do it this time.
Yes, good morning, sir.
Sir, this is Brent Westwood calling from the British Independent Investigation Machine for decency.
Alrighty, let's take a look here.
Well, the calls on Google Voice stopped, so I appreciate whoever the troll was.
Thank you for understanding. I'm not doing that anymore. Thank you.
I hope this leads to an air of peace between us from now on. No more of that. Thank you.
We got another number here from someone who says, I still love Richie. I'm gay.
We got a number for Sarah, where we should ask for Sarah.
Oh my gosh.
Oh, oh my God.
O-M-G.
Laugh out loud.
R-O-F-L.
Rolling on floor.
Laugh out loud.
Welcome to voicemail.
The person you have called is unavailable.
No answer there.
I think I'm going to call it a night.
I think it's time, guys.
Thank you.
I'm going to call Milkman back and get him to...
Thanks, Carlito.
Have a good night, man.
Well, thanks, Richie.
You too, man.
Have a good weekend.
See you later, buddy.
See you.
All right, Richie.
There goes Richie.
And then we'll say goodbye to Dirty Aaron.
Thank you.
You did good work tonight.
Thank you, sir.
All right.
there he's gone uk ted your turn see you bye cheers guys see you later man good work tonight
thanks and uh let's uh rendezvous back up here with uh the king of rendezvous tonight milkman
taught us all a lesson about how to rendezvous uh zyklon never got back on the line uh on the
conference on the show sorry zyklon i'm an asshole it was good having you in the beginning of the
show you helped uh help me out a little bit oh shit ted webb was calling look at all these people
who tried to call ted webb tried to call in sorry ted webb we got a little busy man ted webb good
people tabachi is trying to call in too sorry man miss that sorry bro oh i wanted to mention um
a few people asked me what's up with the podcast i updated it uh right before the show literally
minutes before the show started that episode is up i haven't posted it on facebook or in the forums
yet but it did hit the podcast last week shows up there i'm trying not to get behind i try to edit
it tuesday but i didn't get to finish it yesterday i was too tired and then uh i got home and i
finished editing it as fast as i could but wasn't able to finish it you know until just before the
show started so there enough excuses wanted to mention also this weekend guys you play battlefield
3 all the ps3 players you know amd richie i've been meant to ask richie before you hung up on
him let's play some battlefield colossal is the only colossal and mikey 129 have been the only
ones that i've been playing with online uh just playing battlefield 3 multiplayer with so if
you're a ps3 player and you want to play battlefield 3 with me and some of the madhouse listeners this
weekend maybe saturday would be a good day saturday let's let's plan for saturday night
around 10 p.m eastern standard time my username is carlitus c-a-r-l-i-t-u-s hyphen as in dash
and then x carlitus x and uh some of the other guys are out there too uh also if they want to
share in the chat room share what your screen name is on ps3 that we're gonna be awesome okay
on a psn whatever it is called let's call milkman back and end it i want to thank everyone who's
been visiting the website lately anyone's that's been on the active on the forums not many of you
but those of you who are much appreciated thank you guys we'll be back next week with more show
machine see if milkman is busy right now hello hey milkman i'm gonna call you after the show
because i gotta talk to you oh okay all right cool but uh yeah um i cut you off because you
had a customer and i just knocked you out sorry man just you know you heard it i heard you talking
to a customer and i disconnected it i didn't want you to get embarrassed oh i had it muted i thought
i'm sorry i might have accidentally bumped it then i had it muted man i'm sorry about that
that's unintentional i wouldn't do that for yeah i meant to mention real quick i meant to mention
a dirty air and i know dirty air and picked up battlefield 3 so for playstation yeah we could
definitely get with me
and we'll play that
this weekend also
hopefully during the air
and if you still had
Battlefield 3
if you haven't returned it
or something
we'll do that
alright Milkman
get us out of here man
what's going on
alright
hermanito
friend my friend
I'd like to thank
all our friends out there
and our lovely listeners
especially I'd like to thank
our numbers hitman
everybody that's
sending in numbers tonight
all our skits
appearances
all our friends in the chat
all of our friends
over at Cactus Radio
I'd like to thank you
Cactus Radio as well
I'd like to thank you
here, especially our listeners. That's
right, our good friends. You are
tuned in to the most
interactive internet radio show
right here in your ear balls.
All we ask is that you, we will
drop the dime and bury a
brain enemy because they're all welcome right here
at the Madhouse. And what will we do about
our fearless leader that generally
is the mother of great love?
There we go. Pretty quick. Alright, Milkman.
Again, I will be calling you after the show here.
I'm going to play an outro and wrap things up.
Alrighty. Alright, catch you next week.
Everybody else, thanks for being on with us tonight.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I want to thank a lot of people personally who have been donating even on the off weeks, even during the week.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, dear friend.
Yeah, I only asked once, and the donations keep coming in, and that's all.
Man, that's so appreciated.
All I did was I connected Skype to that account, to that PayPal account, so it keeps the prank calls going.
So that helps out, man.
man. A dollar
even helps out. Buying some credits
pays for a bunch of...
A dollar pays for
about 40 minutes worth of
UK calls. It helps out,
man. Yeah, well, bless each
and every one of you. We only use them just
for our show. We're not going to blow your
money at all, man. It all goes for good
cause. You can tune in and share
our views right here every Thursday.
At the end of the year, I'll even post
a financial report for Madhouse so you see I'm not
wasting the money. Yeah.
Yeah, I might use some of the funds here and there for, like, a Fiverr,
like a $5 here for, like, a little Madhouse promo on Fiverr.com or something,
but it's going towards the show.
It's not going towards me.
All right, Milkman, take it easy.
I'll talk to you later in a little bit.
All right, Motherhood.
Okay.
MadhouseLive.com, Cacti Radio, Blue Planet, Prank Archive had us on tonight.
Jim Stewart.
Jim Stewart had us on tonight.
There you go.
See you later, guys.
Fuck you, bitch.
Motherfucker.
Coffee.
Coffee.

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