Cobblers

You guys are taking the piss.

Blue Waffle is a porn site.

Bang to the motherfucker.

We all have mothers, though.

Fuck your mother.

Let me tell you something.

You don't even have a license for your toilet.

When was the last time you got your toilet license?

Don't talk like a cobbler.

Who the fuck is this?

This is Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Everybody, Carlito here.

This is Madhouse Radio.

Thank you for tuning in.

I am your host, Carlito.

Milkman is here.

Milkman, how are you?

Good morning.

I need to get, get, get, get out of the day once again.

Thank you.

Yes, we're here to save the day.

Thank you, sir.

Yeah, so a little technical difficulties there.

Starting the show off, but the show has started nonetheless.

Hooray, show.

It was a shoutcast problem.

I don't know.

It wouldn't stream.

It wouldn't pick up the streaming.

So I need everyone in the chat room to watch there carefully

and make sure that you see the thing working, that it doesn't drop out.

If it does drop off, let me know.

Please let me know.

quickly i'll keep watching it from here too but both child cast servers uh dropped out there you

go technical difficulty show tonight but we're here at madhouse live.com the madhouse party

nation we're taking that away from zolar because he doesn't respect zolar party nation anymore

the original name of his show back in the day the party nation i'm kidding he's always been

zolar vision all right well we'll be doing prank calls here be sure to send your requests and

And be sure to send your requests, comments, concerns, and whatnot over to me.

MadHouseLive.com is the place to go.

Chat room is there.

Forums are there.

Request a prank form is there for you to send your prank requests.

You can also hit me up on AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger.

MadHouse Radio on AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger.

And if you're using MSN Messenger, MadHouse at Live.com.

I almost forgot it for a second.

One of those things.

You say it so much and all of a sudden you forget it.

Your brain just goes,

I don't know why you're bringing him up

I'm sure he'll be joining us here shortly though

The big lonesome loser

Excited about him and his prank call numbers

Always gold

In the meantime we got plenty of requests to pranks

We got that asshole Nunu

Sleeping at the wheel as always

UK Ted is here

He always ruins it for everybody

Yeah

UK Jed is here also

That's good

We don't have any cat bullies this week

I don't know

i don't care oh my goodness fuck the chat room i don't care let i hope it burns to the ground

i hope the chat room burns to hell stream just dropped jfk's jack says both feeds just dropped

brilliant well i don't know what to tell you i don't know it might be my win app what do we do

milkman oh my goodness we gotta read i gotta reboot the server that's my only thing i gotta

reboot the fucking server oh you gotta reboot i gotta reboot the server yeah because i think

think it's a win app problem let me oh yeah let me just try restarting win let me try that for

those listening on the video feed i'm presuming the video feed is still working you're gonna hear

silence while i kill win app and restart it and let me get uh blue planet prank radio here we'll

see if they hold if not it might be a showless night and we're back okay let's see how long this

anyway let's get some prank calls in before we uh lose it homo panther is uh messaging me on

on hotmail for the first time on msn messenger hey homo panther how you doing do you wish to

allow others to see my own god damn it there's someone that keeps calling it god damn it i asked

him to call in hello dominizio yes hey what's up carlito hi i'm so glad to be on the show right now

yay yeah you've kept calling for the last 30 minutes i'm sorry i didn't was i new to you

it wasn't time to call you call in yeah what's your deal are you a girl or a boy boy you're a

boy you must be young yeah 12 oh you're 12 oh good man good i'm happy you're here that's good

do you like prank calls or do you just like you know podcast no dude i i love cacti radio dude i

I love prank phone calls.

I love it all.

Good, man.

You see this, guys?

Look at that, man.

Reaching out to the youth.

I love it.

I love you, Dominezio.

I love you, man.

I love you, too, Carlitos.

Thanks.

God bless you.

All right.

God bless you, too.

Thanks, brother.

All right.

Well, hey, let's get a prank call before the shit hits the fan of the stupid gay computer

again.

All right.

I'm up with that.

Are you a Mac kid or a PC kid?

What do you use?

I'm a PC kid.

Good for you, man.

man. That's good. Good man.

Good man. Alright. You like girls

or boys? I like girls. I ain't

that fag. Good for you.

Alright, we got a number in England.

You have to have a TV license in every

household, so when you ring, say you're in a

van outside, and you have detected

they don't have a TV license,

then you're going to cut their power to the TV

until they pay.

Alright. Okay, well, that's just

that we don't have a number. We just got that request

here from Big UK Mark.

Good idea. Yeah, we've talked about the

a TV license. That sounds like a good idea.

Thank you, Big UK Mark, for passing that on.

Big UK Mark, it's a gold star.

Thanks.

UK Fred. UK is

representing tonight.

I saw all the people in the chat room.

Ah, yeah.

UK Ted, UK Fred, UK Jet.

We got a

security...

Does UK Ted have a typo in his chat name?

Is who UK Ted? No.

Yeah, because it says UK...

Hold on.

it says you yeah oh you changed it yeah and UK jet that thing that was a

different one all right so look security guy the hostel and all and some hotel

he's a pseudo intellectual black guy who likes sleeping on the job please call

him and have some fun with him hope it goes well

give him a hard time sleeping on the job it's like one of the worst things to do

while you're at work oh that could be worse so uh i want to tell you before we get started with

the prank phone call you have said so much about fogo de cho and texas de brazil that i went

yesterday you went yesterday to texas de brazil and fogo which one did you go to fogo de joe okay

all right so you got your parents to take you what happened how did that work out exactly

i got my dad to take me all right what'd you think dude it's awesome right did you eat a lot

of meat yeah dude i had like a 12 plates of meat that's good cool what do they have i haven't had

fogo yet man i've just had texas day brazil so far so i couldn't um do you want me to send you

a link to the actual menu well yeah in the chat no i know what they've got just wondering what

you had what you thought was good what was i mean what did you know the filet mignon was like

the bomb all right cool that's cool um uh the uh sorry i just lost my train of thought that's fine

you're nervous it's okay they have uh something called archoco which that's really good too

all right did they bring them up on these big sticks like they bring or is it different yeah

they have the platter underneath and they have the big stick and they have a stick

almost like touching the platter and they cut it off with you with this huge knife

oh god damn it that's fucking brilliant i love it man i love it dude wait you you were talking

about it so much dude you were driving me crazy in the podcast i do that i get carried away when

it comes to food sorry man all right uk fred sent in a number it's called invalid phone number uk

fred come on man yeah you didn't put let me guess he didn't put a uh country coat that's probably

what it was in it but i think i i think i figured out how to do it there we go i thought it was uh

You just add 44, plus 44 to it.

Plus 44.

You take out the zero and you add plus 44, right?

Let's see.

Yeah, I thought so.

Look at that.

You're pretty smart.

Look at that, man.

Milkman, you got competition.

Watch out.

Is Milkman here in the building tonight?

Yeah, he's here.

Hello?

Hey.

Yes, hi.

Is this security guard?

Yeah, where are you?

Well, I was calling about the issue that's going on here with the security.

There's very bad security here at the hostel.

Listen, are you being serious?

Because I'm keeping it real.

Are you keeping it real?

Because I'm keeping it real.

Are you a resident of Friendship House?

Yes, that's right.

And I don't appreciate your poor standards of security here.

Are you a resident of Friendship House?

Yes.

Damn it.

Okay, which room?

Which room is your room?

This is the black guy.

What's your room number?

Are you the black?

I've seen your room number.

Number 10.

Tell me you want to speak to room 112.

Okay, you are in room 10?

Uh-huh.

Okay, I'm coming there now.

Okay, well, wait a minute.

You don't even know what's going on.

No.

When I come to room number 10, then I will know.

I don't give you permission to come to the room.

I don't give you permission to come to the room, you pervert.

If you think I'm going to let some sexual pervert come to my room

and touch my underwear and my bags,

you got to know if you think I'm going to let some sexual pervert like you

come into my house, come into my room, and look at my underwear.

I don't think so, okay?

I'm asking which floor are you in room what?

You said room number 10.

What's the problem?

I said 10.

You said 10.

Is it 210 or 110?

110.

Or 310?

Huh?

I don't understand what you're saying.

Listen.

Why are you calling me then?

Because I have a problem with you.

You have a problem with me?

Are you security?

Yeah, what's your number?

Is it 210, 110?

110.

God.

Or 310?

This is the problem when you have people who aren't British who are working here, you know?

People who are immigrants like you that are working.

They're supposed to take you seriously, the security.

Listen, yes, listen.

Please be serious, okay?

This is a serious thing that I'm talking about.

Yeah, I'm asking you, what is your room number?

One ten.

Coño.

Okay, one ten.

Okay, I'm coming there.

Well, wait.

I don't give you permission to come here.

That's what I'm telling you.

I don't want your pervert.

I don't want you coming here looking at my clothes and my underwear and my jewelry.

Do you understand?

I want to call him.

Hello?

Okay, but what do you want me to do?

You're calling me.

You say you don't want me to come to your room.

What do you want me to do?

I want to make a complaint.

Okay, what's the complaint?

There was a black man who does security. Is that you?

Black man security?

Uh-huh.

Yeah, what do you want?

Oh, I saw... Are you the black man security man, or are you somebody else?

Yeah, that's what I'm telling you. Hold on.

Are you African?

Yes.

What do you want me to do?

I need to talk to the African security man.

Yeah, what do you want him to do?

Is this him? I'm asking you a question.

Yes.

Okay. I saw you sleeping on the job. You were eating a banana and you fell asleep.

I saw you eat a banana and then you fell asleep.

And then you went about an hour ago. I saw you eating a banana and then you fell asleep on the

job. An hour ago. At the work on the first floor. Yes. On the first floor. I saw you eat a banana

on the first floor and then you fell asleep you did yes just now and then i saw you go out to the

third floor and you threw the banana peel off the window why did you throw the banana peel off the

window into the street i think he hung up he's there we'll call him back yeah you're gonna take

this one yes hello african security maybe later maybe later right uh mr 12 year old yeah thank

you i think i think we'll have more success later on give him a little time to warm up and this

This kid's brilliant.

Milkman, are you there?

It's like a cocktail bag.

Milkman.

Hey, man.

What's going on?

You got a customer?

Yeah.

Okay, say hi to the kid.

There's this kid who likes you.

He's on the phone.

What's up, Milkman?

Hi, kid.

What's happening, man?

What's happening, young man?

Nothing.

What's happening with you?

Oh, you have a good time?

It's your first time on the show, right?

Yeah, it is.

Yay.

All right.

Well, welcome, man.

Welcome aboard.

Have a good time.

Babe.

Just remember, man.

Just kind of chill, man.

Let the air mono do its thing, man.

Have a good time.

his cues, man. He's the leader. He's our

fearless hermano, right? I'm a piece of shit.

Alright, I've got

more requests to prank.

Keep driving. Both hands on the wheel, okay? Stop being

an asshole. JFK is Jack sent in

a number. JFK is Jack was helping out with some YouTube

videos and I appreciate that. He's

yep, he created one.

He said he's going to try to make one a week.

So, Carly, I don't mean to run over

you, but I was listening to

the podcast that

the one accused of being unpatriotic.

Uh-huh. Yes.

And when you had KDK on there, you told him that there wasn't a number to call in.

And I forget what podcast it was.

I'll go back through and I'll see.

But you were doing a break, and it was after you got your eyes pupillated.

Yeah.

And you had the phone number up there.

It was a 1-800 number.

Oh, yeah.

That toll-free number is old.

It doesn't work.

It's, wow, we haven't had that work in, like, shit,

like, four or five years, maybe?

me it's just it's just a funny promo i've never changed it i just kept it on there i don't know

that anybody does that number even work anymore i wonder have you did you try calling it uh no i

wrote it down on a post-it note somewhere so let me call let's try calling it somewhere so

1-888-278-8509 i remember because to give it out every fucking show if you listen to the older

shows if you get back it's constantly being given out but uh no we don't we don't yeah it doesn't

it doesn't dial i don't think it does there it goes no it doesn't yeah let's see for responding

to our advertising campaign nationwide no reps are available to take your call at the moment

so please leave a message of how you located our information and the name and a number and one of

our representatives will get back with you as soon as possible thank you have a blessed day bye-bye

wow that's something so what was up with that do you think like she she had an ad for like

that's awesome but that's what it sounds like though sounds like it well she said i don't know

she kept it ambiguous who knows what she's doing but good point good good good point all right we

got a angry realtor someone named angry realtor what uh jfk jack sent in a number i called this

guy on the bus with my friends thinking it was a gas station but he was very mad and stayed on the

the phone forever just tell him you won't you want to buy a house you want to buy a haz tell

try and scream at him why gas is so expensive i also called him a towel head and told him to go

back to mecca all right oh i i i got some good ones for this oh do you can't wait all right let

me let me start off here if you don't mind i appreciate it remember what milkman said the

The chat room is giving you a lot of hate.

They don't like you.

They say you're young and annoying.

I think you're friendly.

I think this is a nice kid.

People are, I can't see the hate on there, but I believe you.

Yeah, someone said something.

It's a great time to buy, sell, or rent real estate.

I'm sorry I missed your call.

However you call is extremely important.

It's a great time to buy, sell, or rent real estate.

Whatever.

I can't stand real estate people, house sellers, real estate, the industry.

They're all fucking snakes.

Snakes in the grass.

ass it they're all they're in it for the money they're in it for the money of course everyone's

in everyone's in it for the money but they're particularly assholes and snakes in the grass

sorry if you're if any listeners are one of those that's that's cool then you're not one

unless unless you listen to us then you're cool so did you how did you learn a madhouse through

cacti or did you just find it on a web search i'm trying to find out how people end up here

um well my dad did tell me about cacti and then from cacti i learned on to here

your dad told you about cacti okay i used to uh listen to friday night cranks and then

when i found you guys i was like really see the problem with friday night cranks they talk too

much yeah like half of their show is just about talking about like their chicks really i've never

i've never i've seen bits and pieces of pranks i've seen pranks of theirs on youtube but i've

never been for a show because i think i mentioned this recently like on friday nights i'm not

not sitting around yeah you were uh i remember when you were uh i was on a podcast and you were

talking about katie k about how he's coming out the master of the pranks and all that stuff and

you were telling him to give credit to like friday night pranks and madhouse live and everybody else

who's in for the prank well not katie k i was talking about johnny brendan the jerky boys guy

guy that's that's what who uh who actually who released all the time uh who finally got around

to releasing that prank call i meant to download it so i could play it on the show today i haven't

even heard it yet i think it's in their in their forums actually hang on maybe we can play i

haven't heard it yet have you heard the new jerky boys prank call apparently there's a new one that

got released today uh in their forums uh let's hear it together milkman are you there you want

to hear this a new jerky boys prank call first new prank call from the from johnny brennan see

See if it's any good.

Go for it, man.

Go for it.

Let me see if I can find it.

I thought you said you had to download it for 99 cents.

Well, RBCP Brad was telling me that apparently it didn't work out.

They were trying to do it, and they couldn't get it to work out.

I don't know.

They couldn't figure it out or what?

Actually, now it says there's a store.

I thought it was free, but now it says there's an actual MP3 store.

Oh, wow.

See, the part I don't understand about that is he's not an iTunes,

Okay, so why is he charging 99 cents for a prank phone call when people are actually going to pay that?

I don't understand it, and no one else really charges for prank calls, man.

I just don't understand. I don't get it.

Yeah, calling about the bowling balls.

Here we go.

Oh, yeah, hold on one second.

Hurry up.

Hi, how you doing?

Yeah, what's up?

Um...

How many you got?

I got, uh, let's see, two black, three...

I don't care about the colors. You don't have to go into that.

You got some pair of balls on you.

Say what?

You're selling bowling balls, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's great.

Hey, listen, so go ahead, what's the heaviest one you got?

About 20 pounds.

Let me ask you a question.

Yeah.

You want to slug me in the stomach?

Say what?

You want to give me a punch in the stomach?

No, I do that thing like Houdini used to do, you could slug me in the gut.

Oh, yeah?

What I'm looking to do is drop the bowling balls on my gut.

Yeah.

All right, come on, stop now.

Are you going to sell me your bowling balls or no?

I want you to buy my balls.

I'm going to give you a shoe and the fucking balls if you don't stop that kind of talk.

Oh, come on.

Go ahead, you crazy bastard.

All right.

It would have been better.

It could, don't get me wrong on that, but it could have been better.

Yeah.

Anyway, all right, well, let's keep going here.

Nunu's sending in something.

Let's see if we sent in a number.

Nunu says, call Indians and order food in front or tell them to come in front.

And for the UK, do UK drought calls.

Okay, good point.

Thank you.

There's a big drought in the UK.

Lack of water.

A week ago, they had a lack of gasoline.

Why don't you guys make up what your drought is about, you know?

You got no gas.

You got no water.

just got a whole problem with liquids over there

assholes

we ain't got time for that shit man

we got enough problems here in the United States

next thing you know they'll be coming to us

gas is five bucks

well it's getting there

gas is expensive as balls man

UK Godfather also said

Carlito can I join group call on Skype

I left a voicemail on Skype

sure try to call in if I catch it

I'll put you on why not

is the shoutcast holding up okay

chat room let me know

It looks like it's been.

No one's been complaining, so I guess we're okay.

We're out of the woods there.

Red Lantern Restaurant.

Danny, this is a resubmission from last week.

They close at midnight Eastern time.

Danny is the owner of the Red Lantern and can be easy to tick off.

He has issues about theft from his bathroom, knick-knacks, pictures on the wall, etc.

Okay, good.

Honestly, we should call him and tell him that we stole the soap in the bathroom.

Yeah, I think he's got, like, you know when you go to a bathroom and they got, like,

little things like i don't know they'll have like a hockey stick on the bathroom yeah you know

picture or something yeah i'm notorious when i was younger when i was 20 19 20 21 i was notorious

for stealing those things in bathrooms i don't know why i thought it was funny and here's another

thing i used to i don't know why i used to do this i know i'm talking and i was just to be doing

pranking uh but i had a thing whenever i went to a party if i got invited to a party i'd always

steal something from the party i don't know why i thought that was fucking the thing to do

I'd go to the

one of my things is I'd go to the bathroom and I'd steal

toothbrushes

I don't know just to be an asshole

just so like the people who live there the next day are like

where's my toothbrush

I did that cause once I did it

and it was at a friend's party

and the next I think like the next

few days later that friend was

at my apartment and he was like

yeah man we had that party at

whoever's house and he was like

some guy went to the bathroom and stole

toothbrushes

so basically you did it for chaos and confusion just for chaos and stupidity and confusion yeah

i did yeah i was fucking stupid oh i would also off of cordless ones i'd steal the battery off

cordless ones also well you can make profits off of those i don't know back then i was still

gonna be an asshole and uh i did that once and then uh a few days later my friend eddie

went to the uh someone's some guy's house party with my friend eddie and then um he said he was

was there two days later and the phone was ringing and they tried to answer it and like

like hit the button up to what happened because they had no battery in it

yeah there you go all right who we're calling again red restaurant red lantern there we go

is that the one with the theft right yes you taking this or am i you want to take it sure

show me what you got all right hello red lantern restaurant yes hey uh i stole some soaps off the

counter. What are you looking for? I stole off the counter. You left the food in a canter? Hello? Yes. No. I stole the pictures from the bathroom. I have no idea what you're talking about. You know the pictures that you hang in the bathroom so when you're taking a dump it looks all nice and pretty? Yeah. I stole them from your restaurant. Wow. What happens if I steal them? I don't know. For you. You won't get mad? I don't know. What do you think? You steal. What

was that?

Let me call him back as a dad see if he picks up. I mean think he understand a word. I think he's stupid

I think he's a stupid

Yeah, listen my son just called over there to make an apology and the man just said bad words to him and hung up

The phone who was that? My son is on the phone

He just called to make an apology to danny because he stole something from the bathroom. That's okay. Where's danny?

He's here right now.

Well, who was just answering the phone, goddammit?

Yes.

Left, so I don't know where he's right now.

Who answered the phone just now?

Yeah, he dropped the phone and then he just left.

No, who? Hey, honey, listen, stupid woman.

Who answered the phone right now?

Who was it?

He's not here right now.

Who was it?

Ten seconds ago, my son called and talked to a man.

Who was it?

Goddammit.

Shit, dammit, in the ass.

Shit out of my ass on the floor.

God.

Oh, God.

What's with that fucking...

You should call him back and let me talk to him and apologize.

Apologize for me now.

My dad's upset.

UK just says you're a she.

Hello, we are not available now.

Please call again.

Thank you for your call.

Give him one more pop and we'll move on.

Who said I was just a she?

UK Jed, want me to kick him from the chat room for you?

No.

Let me know.

UK Jed, if you're listening, just because you're a girl.

Hello?

Yes.

My dad, he was cursing at you.

now you made him really really sad okay crying in the other room he's panicking hiding underneath

a table because he thinks that the fbi is gonna come into his door that's why i panic you heard

me yeah i heard you yeah you heard me uk ted is here yeah you okay guys how's how much time

hey you sound stupid i've been having a massive argument with my internet at the moment so i

probably cut off yeah you've got a lot of drop packets there and then we love you know what's

What's going on?

What do you need?

How you doing?

I'm sorry.

I'm trying to be.

Did you see the video where someone, the Puerto Rican kid said that you're bringing everybody

down or something like that?

What was that about, right?

He just hung up.

God damn it.

You know what, UK Ted?

You brought us down as usual.

Thanks a lot, UK Ted.

You're out of here.

You're out of here on your ass.

Yeah, I heard you.

You were kicking everybody out at the end of the last show.

You're like, no, no, you're out on your ass.

UK Ted, you're out on your ass.

He's funny.

I like this kid.

he pays attention man this this kid i'm a podcast expert i'm all i can only listen to the shows on

the weekend so i try to catch up as much as possible all right that's good well you should

get an ipod maybe i'll send you an old ipod i got here you can put them on there no i have an ipod

oh sure you do yeah oh dude i do i like i listen everywhere everywhere i go i listen to your

podcast yay cool thanks i listen to them like four or five times to make sure i get everything

everything all right yeah we should you should let people listen to it on the street like strangers

hey listen to this guy and let them have the ipod right and then they'll leave with it all right uh

red sloth man who sends in bad numbers no i'm kidding he's sitting in numbers this number is

a landline even the first thing he says fyi this number is a landline oh red sloth yeah he kept

They kept sending in England cell phone numbers.

Yeah.

That wouldn't answer.

Yeah, I know.

Like, that one guy, Dave, was, like, doing activity.

The bus?

Something about sex on a bus?

I don't know.

All right.

UK mobile.

Yeah.

He gives me a whole explanation.

This number's a landline.

UK mobile numbers start with 447.

Bristol landline numbers start with 44117.

Okay, gotcha.

So, but please prank this snooty man.

Snooty man wants me to prank this, I guess.

but all i got is name company martini i don't know what the hell to do you gave me a prank

premise of an explanation of how this is a landline and you failed to tell me what it is so

let's call it all right all right cool i'll let you take this one thanks buddy i gotta go to the

bathroom all right go shit in the toilet i wish i could hello yes hi are you in the united this

is the united kingdom i'm speaking to correct sorry yes hi this is the united kingdom i'm

speaking too hello martini martini yeah hi how are you martini who's this this my i am with the

united united states water administration water yes you know about the the serious drought that

we're having right now with the water yeah yeah where'd you get my phone from uh well it's in the

in the united kingdom book it's in the book the embassy gave us the book we're supposed to call

people who are high users of water yeah hey okay so what the deal is is because of the problems

with the water and then we have some restrictions that are coming into place yeah okay now do you

have a lawn or any garden or anything like that beautiful where's my where's my friend uh yeah uh

huh okay do you have a lawn or a garden or anything like that do you water regularly hey

stupid asshole i'm talking all right you stupid shit monkey you understand shit monkey

uh-huh i don't understand what you're saying how many teeth you have two three yeah do your teeth

point backwards yeah yeah sure they do hey listen do you have a garden uh good sir or

yeah where's my friend where's your friend phone your phone yeah whatever you're thinking you're

a tough guy well yeah and you talk and you can't even understand what you're saying because you're

so stupid well is that is that the case or is that yeah that's the case yeah i understood that

one just fine good yeah you're talking like a human good for you listen no he's gone i'm here

here oh you're there listen why so much water why so much water you're using why so much water

you're using what why so much water you're using no why why water so much you're using in america

makes sense why so much water you're using question i'm speaking american not english

why so much water you're using listen i'm a superior person to you okay are you yes i am

I'm an American, all right?

When you see this flag, these colors don't run.

These colors don't run, fucker.

Okay.

Same colors as the flag.

What?

Is it weird in there?

The colors on my American flag don't run.

Don't run.

Yeah, and in the UK, you're so embarrassed you don't even show your flag anymore anywhere.

You're so embarrassed of it.

Every opportunity that Britain gets, they hide the flag.

They don't want to show it anymore.

They're embarrassed of their own flag.

What kind of people is that?

Yep.

I'm a fanboy.

You want your phone back?

That'd be nice, yeah.

You want your phone back?

No, I keep the phone.

No, it's my phone.

Yeah.

How much you want?

How much for the phone?

Five, you know, five pounds?

What would you offer for it?

Is there anything?

Like the in-person or?

I'm looking at all your numbers and your photos and everything on the phone.

Yeah, what about it?

It's good pictures, man.

Brilliant.

All right, bye, asshole.

I don't know what the fuck that guy's deal is.

What was that about?

Half the shit he says, okay, he sounds worse than Milkman.

Milkman, that's what you sound like.

You hear that guy?

you sound like that most of the time on the phone

you're like

how's you

anyway well good we're a soft man

I don't know if that was good or not it just it was

what it was thank you for contributing though

buddy you're the man uh I wear

the trousers

uh since it in

a UK number here they keep

calling me every day but I never get to pick up

before they hang up oh don't you hate that

um will they even

pick up when I call who knows

you wear the trousers we'll try it

fucker all right you ready uh i want to remind everybody tomorrow is good friday and that does

spark the end of lent all you good catholics out there and christians it's time to party

lent is over you can have uh meat from now on not tomorrow but any other friday you're allowed to

have meat now let's we're all very excited about that i'm sure i'm excited about that for good

friday this year i gave up uh what did i give up uh i wore the trousers uh your number is not

format it correctly and i'm i can't even translate this 411 11 118 trousers man i don't know i don't

know i'm trying to put it in the skype and doesn't seem to like it here buddy it's not giving me a

country for it when i put it in what's the more requested pranks coming in that's good i remember

what i gave up for lent i gave up uh soda i haven't had soda at all no diet soda no regular

soda i haven't had regular soda in a long time but no diet soda either and i think i might stick

that sounds like a good plan uk fred sending in a number for the friendship house hotel hostel who

we already talked to okay thank you we will pass thank you though thank you again for sending that

we got a number here jet a shell gas station jet is having a meeting and is wondering how much gas

he should bring to burn a large lowercase t in trayvon's backyard trayvon really man that's not

not funny why'd you make fun of trayvon poor trayvon rest in peace trayvon keep those prank

requests coming in this is madhouse radio madhouse live.com is the website we're doing

prank calls that's what we do here i didn't know if you knew about that but now you do okay uh

lonesome losers in the house that's good we got lonesome here cliff says live stream isn't working

oh my god let me check live stream oh my god you guys can't see me i thought i thought i had

started a live stream whoops is live stream working now let's see i don't know having all

all types of troubles today amd gave up nothing smoking beer bad food i liked it all so don't

feel the need to quit i started to diet on uh saturday uh i am on a 800 to 1000 calorie a day

diet i am following a meal plan where i have to i i swear to god i would never do anything like

this but someone uh in my family said this plan works they personally lost like 40 pounds on it

in a few months so i started doing it i've already lost 10 pounds since saturday it's insane i've

gotten my diabetes under control with it i'm not kidding you it's fucking crazy i haven't had to

really take my insulin in the last three days i started the diet saturday in the last three days

i really haven't had to take my insulin i haven't had any trouble with that uh i think my vision is

getting better i had these massive headaches at first as my body was detoxing it's crazy muscle

so like crazy uh i just wish me luck i'm just trying to drop some weight okay i gained a lot

of weight after my surgeries like a lot of weight depressing amount of weight himalayan grill from

lonesome losers here now we got that let's do that cuisine of india uh let's remember new news

said we need to say come front of me when we do the calls to them good dominizio are you there

still dominic no milkman are you there i'll drop you guys i'll try to call milkman back where should

should i right technical issues and i'm just a little off the ball probably because of the diet

just not all there it took me some time to get settled on it i've been taking walks and then

i'm like tempted i don't want to get tempted to eat anything so i yelled at my co-worker

something invited me out to lunch he's his new co-worker we got as a kid and he's asking way

too many questions all the time oh road man not even ringing right now yeah are you there yeah

i'm here i don't know what's going on all right calling uh indian place all right i'm not really

really good with indian places man just sit there i will do that yes hi how are you i'm doing good

how about you i want to make an order for you to come front of me to go order yes i want to come

front in front of you to get the food i'm sorry i didn't i didn't get that i want to come in front

of you to get the food yeah you want to place a order right to pick up i place the order yeah

and then i come in front of you and you give me the food i give you the money and then we go our

Yes, please go ahead.

And we talk.

Okay.

Are you ready?

Uh-huh.

All right.

Are you Indian?

Or is this Indian food?

Are you Indian also?

Or no?

Yeah.

It's Indian, Nepalese, and Tibetan.

And you're Indian or no?

Yes.

Okay.

Let's make an order.

I'd like one order of papadums.

Uh-huh.

A pilau rice.

We have vegetable biryani.

Vegetable biryani.

Okay.

I'll do that.

Okay.

All right.

One ban chud.

Ban chud?

Don't make that.

You don't have banjo there.

I'm sorry?

I thought you were Indian.

I've never heard of that dish.

Are you Indian yourself, personally?

Yes.

Are you Bengali, or what are you exactly?

I'm from the north of India.

So do these north Indians, do you speak different than south Indians?

Yes.

So you have different, what is the different dialects?

Please give me this information.

Is the order, sir?

Yeah, but I need this information.

This is important for the papers, okay?

I'm sorry, I...

No, please, come on now.

Now, no, listen, you need to give me this information now.

Come on.

You need to help me out here.

Thank you, sir.

You've got to work with me.

Please tell me.

What's the difference?

Please.

He's still here.

All right, so now we know.

No, he just dropped it.

I dropped him.

Now we know northern Indians don't know what Banshid means.

Remember, you know, sometimes it comes up like there's some Indians,

and they say they're Indian, but they don't know what Banshid is.

Yeah, the one thing that you forgot to order was chicken tikka masala.

Chicken tikka masala, yeah.

No, I was drawing a blank there.

All right.

We got a live cam of Purdue University, the Lawson Science Building.

And we got a phone located in the back left corner of the camera.

Okay, cool.

That's cool.

We got a link for that there.

Lonesome, share that link.

If you're going, let me.

Awesome.

Share that link there for the webcam.

Let me share it.

Oh, I got it, Lonesome.

You're busy.

Let me copy and paste that for you.

Hey, Carlito, can you copy and paste it into the Skype chat?

In the Skype chat?

Sure.

Carlito is the man.

Thanks, man.

Jake Moore and Dustin Kiefer are calling in.

Oh, fuck.

Gentlemen, hello.

What's up?

Hey.

What's up?

Oh, man, how's your exam?

I am.

What's going on?

What the heck here?

I need Skype for you.

I need a good couple of video calls.

Oh, boys, everything all messing up.

I got two different calls going at the same time.

All right, I'm going to hang up.

Yo.

I'm going to hang up on you two.

Got to go.

Hello.

Call back in.

My house is right here.

All right, I'll call back in.

Oh, you're doing it the whole time.

Okay, I don't know who those people are

I don't know, we got a lot of people calling in

But the problem is you're also using Skype video

And it uses a lot of packets

It uses a lot of bandwidth

Don't call into the show with the video

It doesn't help out

I don't need to see you

All we need to hear is your voice

Anyway, Indian Restaurant

Here we go

Let's do another one

This is called the Sizzling Tandor Indian Restaurants

They're in California

Now the music's not playing

This is the fucking worst show of the year, so far.

I'm putting it down.

Worst show of the year.

It doesn't have to do with this kid.

This is, ugh.

Technical issues.

Come on.

I have a headache already.

My keyboard is going to fall down.

Hello?

Yes, hello.

I'd like to make an order for food, please.

Yeah, one second.

Northern Hill before?

Yes.

Are you, is this southern?

Are you southern Indian or northern Indian?

What's your name?

Oh, this is Mr. South.

This is?

How are you?

Yes, hi.

Is this southern Indian or northern Indian?

Oh, this is northern.

North?

Okay.

I'd like to make a stupid order.

Excuse me?

I'd like to make an order for food.

Sure, yeah.

Stupid.

What would you like?

What is your phone number?

Stupid.

It's 707-552-2185.

Horse?

Your name?

My name is Ulu.

Ulu.

Okay.

And what would you like to order?

One order of papadums.

One order of papadums?

Okay.

You want it roasted or fried?

Sure.

Excuse me?

Yes.

Okay.

And?

Two chicken tikka masala.

Okay.

How spicy would you like?

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Mild, medium, hot.

Okay.

No.

So chicken tikka masala, would you like?

Yeah.

Mild, medium.

Hello?

Hello.

Would you like spicy?

Two chicken tikka masala.

I know, but how spicy would you like?

Uh-huh.

How spicy would you like?

Three.

Okay.

Uh-huh.

So three.

I need one three.

One what?

One three.

Okay.

Okay, then a piece of bread, bend it like a pretzel and put it in a clay oven for five minutes.

Put some olive oil on top of it, cover it, baste it with olive oil.

Okay, so you ordered chicken tikka masala spicy, and then would you like side of rice?

Uh-huh, is that pilau rice?

Okay.

And then?

And then, now my question is, with the pilau rice, after I ate the pilau rice, how long after I ate this pilau rice?

and all you guys listening out there know where i'm going with this right you guys know guys on

the line you know where i'm going with this yes how long until i after ate the rice and will i

have to take a shit in the toilet it's gonna be ready 20 minutes okay yeah but after i ate the

food then how long do i have to go to the how long will it be until i have to go to the bathroom

and it comes out where i sit in the toilet and it shits out of my toilet in the ass well i yeah

Yeah, right. Stupid idea.

Did you hear them laughing in the background?

Were they really? I was being stupid.

Yeah, it's like when she puts you on hold for like a couple of seconds,

you can hear them laughing in the background, giggling.

Making fun of me. Let's see.

Yeah, that's what you should say.

There's no answer there. They ain't going to answer, right?

I don't think that they will.

I don't think there are either.

Do you have a handle that you go by? I keep calling you dumb and easy.

Is that your damn name or what do you go by?

That's my handle.

Okay, cool.

Dom and Ezio.

Sweet.

All right.

New Delhi Palace.

Come front of me.

New Delhi Palace, may I help you?

Come front of me and I'll show you who I am.

Hello?

Come front of me and I'll show you who I am.

Why should I not want to know who you are?

I am the man who's ordering the food.

Come in front of me and I'll show you who I am.

We're coming to the lake.

I'll show you this thing.

I would like to make an order, please.

Yay, I'm here.

Yeah, U.K. Godfather.

U.K. Godfather, that's how you sound.

It is, it's because he would have it.

Your internet sucks, U.K. Godfather, fix it.

Yeah, he's having lag in his internet.

Yeah, when you fix your...

U.K. Godfather, can I help you?

Yeah, so let's make an order, please.

Okay, can you hold one minute, please?

God damn it.

Oh, yeah, it's...

Bye.

You should ask them what they're doing.

I would say they're probably cooking.

Yo, Carlito.

Yes, you sound good now, yes.

Yeah, good, I'm on my phone.

UK Ted says he's sorry he can't call in.

He's got a crap internet, man.

What's going on, you guys, with a crap internet?

No water, no gas, no petrol.

No internet.

No internet now, what's going on?

Guys, get with it, snap, come on.

UK Ted is in a crap hotel with no internet.

Oh, that sucks.

Yeah.

All right, well, cool.

It's funny to talk to you, Carlito.

too okay well it's good to talk to you man welcome aboard welcome to the family thank you buddy you're

just in time for one of the last shows of the madhouse uh podcast this is gonna be great when

we retire the show here finally so excited about that all right uh nunu post that damn cam uh chat

i saw you i saw you no no this show's over this show's going to hell this shows i'm done with it

i'm done with this listen we're prank calling this okay so we uh the last time you said that

you were only kidding

and UK Ted said that Nuno

was about to kill himself.

Yeah, well UK Ted, you know.

UK Ted's the guy that brought it upon us.

He leaked information that he should not have been

talking about. That's why.

He ruined, he sunk the ship. Everyone blame it on UK Ted.

Listen, we're going to call

Purdue University and

we've got a live webcam that's focusing

on the computer science building.

I guess there's people on the computers.

Yeah, can you post it up on Skype?

Give us the address on Skype.

i got it i got it you got it okay he's got it okay all right let's call him

listen you guys took my usb damn thing the usb uh keyboard you've got my usb keyboard there and

you've got my usb usb key dongle and my papers are on there and i need to turn in my papers

Tomorrow and I'm holding you personally responsible

There's a man in a green shirt

Who stole my USB keys

And my USB keyboard

And I tried to get it back from him and he refused

To do it he said no it belongs to my girlfriend

I'm not giving it to you

He was mean and nasty with me outside

He pushed me in the face

He pushed me in the face and I almost fell down

Outside now you need to fix this up

Who is this

Are you talking about a man in green

Yes this man in green over there

Said no this is mine now

I said, I'm keeping it.

It doesn't have your name on it.

He said, oh, what?

I said, no, I was there before.

And he goes, no, your name isn't on this chair.

Your name isn't on this building, on the room, he said.

Just a second.

He's coming.

God damn it.

Hello?

Listen, you pushed me outside.

You took my USB key dongle.

You took my USB keyboard.

And then you threatened me outside.

Who is this?

This is Cross.

I'm sorry?

This is Cross.

Ross, I left my USB equipment there, and you kept it.

you win i've heard that you kicked my dog story it's a pretty good one what i

I don't know what you're talking about.

The you-kicked-my-dog story.

You stupid fucking shit.

How dare you compare me to that fucking amateur?

You're a fucking dick-neck asshole, you know that?

Go fuck yourself.

No, fuck you, asshole.

Hang up the fucking phone.

You kicked my dog.

Wow.

19-fucking-97.

Yeah, that's exactly what I'm doing.

Yeah, that's what it sounds like.

Aren't you in university?

Aren't you in Purdue University?

How old are you, fucking asshole?

I am 20 years old.

Yeah.

You kicked my dog.

Were you, like, five years old when that came out?

You know, probably.

It's been around as long as the Internet.

Who's the girl you're sitting there with?

She's a friend of mine.

We're working on a project.

No, it's a boy.

What?

It's a boy, right?

Probably not.

Oh.

Hey, so I was watching you guys there earlier.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

The camera's in here pretty often.

Yeah, I'm watching you guys.

Can you guys come up a little closer and, like, kiss on the camera and let me watch?

No, I'm going to pass on that one.

Come on, kiss.

Mostly because the phone cord won't reach all the way over to that corner.

Well, kiss right there.

No.

Can you put her on the phone?

put her on the phone. Do you want to talk to her? I command you to put her

on the phone. Yeah, can I get your name first?

This is Cross. Cross? Yes.

I don't know who that is. My name is

Cross. It's really strange, because, like, your

voice sounds really familiar. What do you mean familiar?

Yeah, he's the IT manager.

I'm the IT manager. Yeah.

No. I do an internet radio show.

Put the girl on the phone. Oh, okay. She's right here.

Oh, hello. Hey, big girl, how

you doing? Good. Hey, listen,

that guy has a crush on you, and

I'm ready for you to kiss him right there

on the phone.

no he does have a crush on you this is all staged is that what this is all staged we're down at the

quad earlier and he said he wanted me to call in to act this fool thing and put you on the phone

he's got something to say to you and he wants you guys to kiss yeah he likes you well you're right

well do it come on we're all watching we want to see you guys kissing i'm not gonna do it do it

now come on can you touch your elbows behind your back is that what can you touch your elbows behind

behind your back can you touch your elbows behind your back yeah it's only a few people that can do

it in the world because i'm not gonna do that no try it there's i'm serious there's only a few

people in the world that can touch your elbows behind their back if you can do it that's amazing

yeah i can't do that try it now we'll try it i think myself looks stupid in front of the camera

just do it

come on

I'm sorry but

this has been long enough

bye

that guy's awesome

yeah try it

Carlito

can you message me

a number that Ted can call you on

from his hotel

a phone number

yeah

Carlito I'll be back in like 5 minutes

bye

Okay, please answer my call when I get back

Sorry, yawning

I don't have an incoming number like that

I shut it down

Because the last time I did

Some guy kept having

I thought it was hilarious

To have people keep calling in

Or is there a way

I can send you his number

But privately so it's not announced on there

You want to

Well yeah, you can send it

Are you in the IRC chat room?

No, I don't use IRC.

You can IM it to me on Skype.

Facebook?

Yeah, Facebook.

Facebook.

I'll send you a, yeah.

AOL, Yahoo, any of those.

I'm on all those, man.

I'll Facebook message you, man.

Good.

Send it to me.

Yeah, so we need to talk to UK Ted.

Yeah, he's got some news, he says.

Nice.

Good, man.

I'm so excited.

I heard he, didn't he get accepted to the military or something?

Yo, you gong.

Oh.

He says something is some I don't know officer something is it I got accepted. He's gonna be a murderer. Where's milk my mom?

Try to call him back

He had a customer and he dropped off

How about Jack you want on the Jack Kimmel Jack's here big Jack?

Jack oh, hey

JFK is Jack. I'll give out last names like that. Yeah, come on man. That's not cool. I'm gonna edit that out

That helps.

Too late for that.

I apologize.

Kill me.

Please enjoy the following music while your party is being reaped.

Do I have to set up that prank call with the camera over there?

No, man.

We need to do more of those.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, I'm right in the middle of something, so you got to hold off on them.

All right, no, I just wanted to get you back on, all right?

Okay, thank you, man.

All right, cool.

You got it.

What was that?

You said we should do more stuff like that with the videos, video cams?

Yeah.

Yeah, they're cool.

I know we've done

we've had the video cam pranks

to the old folks home

we had fun with that once

there's that diner, depot diner

where I got the guy to put the phone in the trash can

on the camera

yeah I got a uni

webcam somewhere along here

I'll find it for you and I'll IM it to you

cool

accused people on the camera watching porn

I think they know they have a cam there

I'm just saying

it seems to be pretty public knowledge

I don't think that anyone would not know that there's a camera there.

Probably.

They'd have to be bloody stupid.

It's probably really big, too.

Well, I don't know what, I mean, they probably have it there, so if you're a student, see,

because, like, when I was going to university, like, we had a webcam, like, in different

spots, like, so you could see how busy this area was, how busy the computer lab was.

So, you know.

So you could pre-plan of when you needed to be in there.

Yeah, you could pre-plan, exactly.

That's exactly what it was.

Well, I'm still watching it, and these guys, the guy and the girl who we were talking to,

they're still flirting, and they're even looking at their own cam.

What?

It looks like they're on the phone.

I know, my computer's gone wrong.

Hold on.

Watch out, man.

Don't let your phone fall over there.

No, I'm sorry.

That was me.

My headset fell off of my head.

Oh, shit.

Okay, let's focus.

Lucas, UKJED sent in a number to having a meeting with a gas station or something.

I don't know.

All right, and we'll get back to more lonesome calls in a moment.

Rochelle, hello?

Yes, hi.

Is this a gas machine?

Like, this is who?

This is the gas machine.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, listen.

Do you have potted meat food product there that I can eat?

Yeah, we have snacks.

Well, do you have the potted meat food products?

The what?

Shampoo, potted meat food products, deodorant.

No, we don't have those.

All right, do you have nipples for the baby bottles?

No, we don't.

Pacifiers?

No.

Do you have hot water?

Yes.

Okay, do you have a bathroom?

At the moment, no.

What do you mean at the moment, no?

We don't have the key for it.

What time is the bathroom open?

In the morning when the person with the key.

Listen, listen, listen.

I used to work at a Citgo gas station, okay?

And I know the code, all right?

I know how it is.

I know that at night, listen, I know that at night at the gas station,

I know when I worked there I did the same thing.

If someone asked to use the bathroom, I said, no, I don't have the key.

The boss has the key.

But I really have the key because you're required to have the key

because by law you're required to have access to the bathroom because of OSHA rules.

But we don't have the key at the moment.

The person in the morning does actually.

Yeah, but if you have, no, no, because you know you have a key

because by law you're supposed to have access to it

in case you need to use a bathroom, make a toilet.

it you say that because you don't want people to go in there because they'll be shoplifting and

doing bad stuff doing drugs in the bathroom at night i know what happens i know i know how it

is i used to work at a gas station at night and that's what i used to tell people say no i don't

have a kid in the damn bathroom the boss has it he hung up that's true that's what they do that's

a trick hey uh carlito uh do you still have the number for those crazy um asiatics yeah yeah i do

Can we prank phone call them tonight?

Oh, yes.

Yes, but I'm not talking for more than ten minutes.

Alright, yeah, that was...

Are we cooling now?

Now we're calling the angry Asiatic guy.

Yeah.

Alright, I can't wait for them to call someone on mulatto.

Ah, I get it now.

Yeah, yeah.

That's a good one.

Even though all you on Skype know what it is now, but that's fine.

If I can't trust you, who can I trust?

Dirty Aaron, speaking of trust, how you doing?

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, I just fucking got off work, goddammit.

15 hours of work today.

Holy shit, 15?

Yeah.

I'm excited, man.

Tomorrow I got about three hours of overtime in for this week,

so tomorrow I got to leave three hours early.

Yeah, man.

What's up, Dirty Aaron?

What's up?

Is that Samantha?

Yep, Samantha.

Yo, Dirty Aaron.

Hello, is that Ted?

I know, it's UK Godfather.

Oh, yeah, okay, awesome.

He's like, yeah, sure, yeah.

All right.

All you fuckers.

oh you fuckers all right we're ready i'm in the car sound terrible a little background

those you might want to meet yourself or something yeah it sounds pretty bad it's not that it's not

that bad actually i think it's bad who's it don't listen to him listen to me i'll just be milkman

and i'll just talk like in the middle of the prank call i suppose so all right uh okay red

soft man sent in another number is this the same one no this is martini man that's you i told you

I'm UK Godfather

A.K.A. Red Sloth

We'll make up

Pick a damn name

For God's sake

Fucking nicknames

I think it's my name

God

What's your name

Going to be for now

On Red Sloth man

Who are you now

UK

I am UK Godfather

Always

Okay UK Godfather

Alright we'll stick to that

Because I get confused

Come on man

I'm stupid

I'm like

UK

I apologize man

It's alright

Don't listen to me

I'm in a bad mood

I'm not in a bad mood

I'm just saying that

I'm not in a bad mood

Okay.

Yeah, yeah, I'm up close tonight.

Nobody is going to answer Frank's phone, answer his call,

that's why he's getting mad.

All right, Sir Lord Jim Bob's here.

We got a number.

Well, here's another one.

Rez Softman sending in a cell phone number.

I'm kidding.

Kidding.

What's his deal?

What is this?

And who was that we called?

Who did you hit?

Who's Martini?

Did he lose a phone?

Someone steal his phone?

He's just a mate.

I wanted him to wind up, man.

Okay.

Okay. Did someone steal his phone or

he's just talking weird? I have no idea

about that. I think he's just drunk. He's probably

drunk. Sounded like Ed was eating his

tea. He always is, man. Yeah, exactly.

Called it. Sir Lord Jim Bob.

And he's gone. 411.

Shed any light on that one?

UK got it. 411.

Where's area code 411?

Is there an area code 411? I don't think there's an area

code 411. I think it's

441. 441?

That was a UK number. Oh.

That's country code

and one. 44 and then one.

I see.

I'm waiting for something

from UK Ted. He should be sending it shortly.

Well, UK Ted's trying to call in, but I got

one. Alright, alright. UK Ted, hello.

Hello, UK Ted.

Yeah, he's in. Hey, he's in.

There we are.

What's up, UK Ted?

Is it working this time?

Yeah, you guys are in it.

Yeah, man. God save the queen, motherfucker.

Hey, UK Ted, you are

my third favorite person on Madhouse

That's why besides Carlito and Milkman.

I don't think this is working.

Good evening, Rudy.

Yes, hi.

I'd like to make an order.

Yes, sir.

What can I get you?

I'd like an order of papadums.

Mm-hmm.

One order of pilau rice.

Mm-hmm.

One order of chicken tikka masala.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

How much is the total for that?

Hello?

Yeah, I'm looking at it.

What's the order total?

Yeah, I'm putting it in.

Hurry up.

Hello?

Answer the man's question.

Are you using a calculator or a computer?

Computer.

That's the problem

Stupid computer

Alright so

You have a bathroom there I can use right?

Sorry? You have a bathroom there I can use?

Yeah

Now if I put all that food in the toilet and flush the toilet

I don't have to pay right?

Before I eat it?

You have to pay before you do it

No but what if I just say I want to look at the food real quick

I just want to see if it's okay

Before I pay for it will you let me open the containers

And look at it?

Yeah, you can look at the food and everything.

And then what if I, like, just, if I drop the food on the counter, like, it goes everywhere?

Do you want to make the takeout order or no?

Yeah, I do.

I just want to make sure I get this right.

I don't want to have an accident there.

What kind of accident?

Well, because when I go, I'm going to ask you to make me, let me see the food.

I want to make sure that it's clean, that there's no cockroaches in it or anything like that, you know, or dirty stuff.

Do you let me open?

Yeah, we never do that.

We never have that kind of thing.

Well, you have a bad reputation in this town.

Then don't do the takeout order.

No, no, no, please, please.

Anita, I'm hungry, okay?

Well, you don't seem to be enjoying the food, so you just want to come.

No, I love Indian food.

I love Indian food.

I used to date an Indian girl, your sister.

She used to make Indian food for me.

She came in front of me, and I had Indian food with her.

Are you making a takeout, or what do you want to do?

Is your sister there?

Could I have her?

Oh, man.

He's teetering on the edge of anger.

I'm calling him back.

He's not going to answer.

He's going to ignore the number.

Dirty Aaron, I'm going to drop you until you get home, man.

It's too much noise.

Namaste and welcome to Roti Indian Bistro.

Please leave us a message and we'll get back to you as soon as possible.

Thank you.

Did UK Ted leave?

Did he drop?

Yeah, he's playing up.

He says it's crap.

Oh, no, he's back again.

Yeah, he's back.

Yeah, it's bloody crap.

Jeez.

Where's he at?

He's at somewhere on the seaside.

I thought he was mad because I called him a chav.

You called him a chav?

Do you know him, Godfather?

I mean, do you guys know each other?

No, no, no.

I just chatted to him on Skype a bit.

Oh, that's cool.

I don't know him that well.

All right, good.

Oh, so you're, like, right next to him.

No, he's down in, like, southeast.

I'm in southwest.

I have no idea what that is.

Yeah, big gay town in Bristol.

Hey, Carlito, we should do some taxis.

Yeah, I got loads of taxi numbers.

numbers you guys like the taxis i'm telling you okay yeah we can do those sure send them send them

in uh you're gonna skype i always miss them on skype for some reason it's oh hang on i'm doing

a google call here now bombay yes hello banchu i'd like to make an order just hold on one second

people started laughing at you thanks for holding yes i wanted to make a delivery

do you want delivery order or pickup pickup can i have your phone number first it is one

four one one yes i need your phone number it's all right let me have your order please

All right, I'd like one order of papadums.

Of papadums?

One chicken tikka masala.

One chicken tikka masala?

One phoo.

I'm sorry?

One phoo.

What's that?

You don't have phoo?

No.

Okay, one bhenchod.

I'm sorry?

One bhenchod.

What are you talking about?

One bhenchod, dirty bhenchod.

One of those.

You have?

No.

What are you?

You're the bhenchod.

Madarchod thalia.

Uh-huh, your mother too.

Listen, bring your sister.

Come front of me with your sister.

And I will take care of...

I have no sister.

I ain't your motherfucker.

We all have mothers, though.

Fuck your mother.

We all have mothers, and yours will be mine.

Okay.

Nice.

Hey, Carlito, you know who made Milkman?

Hey, Milkman's back!

Yay!

Yeah.

Oh, boy.

Smiltman.

Damn poppy dams.

Yes, sir.

Hi.

There's a number for V-Cars in Bristol.

I just Skyped it.

Okay, good.

So I've got the international

and all that.

Alright, cool.

You should send that to me in ICQ.

I don't have that bloody stuff.

ICQ?

ICQ is dead for it anyway.

In ILC, man.

I know. ICQ is old.

Yeah, yeah, that's dead, man.

I know AOL bought them out

and shit, it became a big shit.

Anybody have ICQ anymore?

That'd be crazy.

I used to know my ICQ number.

I had a low icq it was like I had like a five digit icq number like one of those lower ones

five or four digit one that sucks all right there we are let's go it's like icq we use that shit

anymore I think it's right I think it's like really big overseas and stuff yeah I remember

back in the day man and I see you could jump on icq and people be talking to you from everywhere

people be looking for you from you could look for people like in your town and stuff that's what

What became a O.L. message?

Oh, fuck.

Sorry.

Easy there, buddy.

You can't curse on the show.

We got a license.

I didn't mean to.

I'm kidding.

Yeah, you can't curse on this fucking show.

Blanked out.

It's like Milkman.

He said he didn't curse.

Milkman doesn't curse.

Milkman was cursed.

I don't curse.

Hell fucking never.

He was cursing up a storm and I called him for the show.

Yeah, it was on last week's podcast.

If you listen to him, you call him and you're like,

Like, somebody said something about him that he was cursing,

and Milkman goes, I never curse, and he went all out on you.

Milkman, you said that?

What's wrong with you?

You can't get anything by this kid.

He'll get you, man.

Yes, hi.

Is this the taxi cab?

That's right, yeah.

That's good.

I'd like a pickup in Bristol.

Whereabouts, sir?

In Bristol.

Yeah, whereabouts in Bristol?

123 Queens Avenue.

Yes, and I need a ride to Thessaloniki.

Queens Avenue. Which area is that in? What's the postcode?

I'm not sure. I'm from the United States. I'm from the superior country.

I don't know your stupid system here.

It's on the screen.

It's BS82PU. He's gone. He didn't like that. I was rude. I'm sorry. I'll apologize.

Can I have a go?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes.

I can't find it right now. I'll keep looking for it.

L.A.P. card.

Can I order a cab, please?

Where from?

from? Uh, going from Bristol. Whereabouts? It's, like, across the suspension bridge.

Right, do you actually have a proper address to pick up from? Like, yeah, it's by the suspension

bridge. Yeah, I need, I need a house number and a street name. Uh, it's, um, sorry, it's

Bridge Road. Bridge Road, and what number? Uh, 1. 1 Bridge Road, where do you want to

go? Uh, to the centre of Bristol. What's your name? Do you have a calculator? Uh,

Sorry, I didn't have a calculator.

She didn't like that.

Hey, can I try now?

Yes, you can.

I will call it back.

I want to mention the chairman was talking about

can't believe how AOL is still in business.

I agree.

Yahoo, as a matter of fact, let go 2,000 people yesterday.

Was it Yahoo?

And the funny, you know, what was it, four years ago,

Microsoft made a huge offer to buy out Yahoo.

And they're like, no, we don't want that.

Yeah, and then Yahoo counterfeited and tried to buy Google.

yahoo tried to buy google what yeah they did i don't think yahoo tried to buy google i don't

think they got yeah no they uh counterfeiting their offer after google offered to buy yahoo out

yahoo offered to buy google out oh like a joke or something like being jerks or something i don't

know because yahoo wanted google and google wanted yahoo it was just a war

wrapped inside for the internet.

I'm confused.

It sounds like

you got your numbers confused.

Google's got a lot

of money, man. I don't think

Google's not done for sale.

If Google's doing anything, they're buying

everybody up.

Microsoft made a huge offer

in Yahoo. They fought over

it internally forever and they said,

no, we're not doing it. Now they're valued

a quarter.

order hey makes sense makes sense microsoft microsoft is in that with office now they're

going to the cloud with office office uh office packets going to be in the cloud

then the latest tech was and what they're trying to do they want to create a device

it's the internet very personal not like a phone but something like

wear or carry with you maybe even kind of like google goggles yeah that's crazy see that shit

right wow so they're trying to go to where google gets oh dude yeah milkman i wanted to tell you

there's a there's a video on that htc one you were talking about i'll send it to you a nine

minute video showing how it works yeah you gotta relate yet man because i think that's what i'm

going for i can't wait for the f3 i need to i need to get released in the year it's already

released in the uk yeah it's been released oh wow in the uk at least the next is supposed to be

released and then

I'd have to see

if you want to

re-release first

I'm a big fan of

H

Carlito have you

bought your iPad

yet

no

no you know

I'm going to buy

that madhouse

computer instead

I think to be honest

with you

Carlito

no I don't

it'll be nasty

okay I'm sorry

for that money

I'm going to

for that money

I'm going to build

a new computer

for the show

I think

to be honest

there's a

plumber's number

I'll send you as well

yeah but we

want to

That's what they call them, tampons.

The kid wants to call V-Cars.

Let's call V-Cars here.

What?

All right, Fabrizio, you're on.

V-Cars.

I need a taxi.

I need a taxi from Bath to Bristol.

All right, I'm not tonight in Bath at the moment.

You're going to have to ring a taxi for a match here in Bath.

Okay, I just got my cousin who needs a taxi from Bristol to Bath.

That's not what you just said.

You just said you needed one from Bath to Bristol.

No, I need one from Bath to Bristol, but then my cousin also needs one from Bristol to Bath.

Yes, you're going to have to ring Bath.

Listen, don't you be rude to my son.

He needs a ride.

You need to bring him home, okay?

I don't know.

Way to shit all over that, Carlito.

All right, another Indian restaurant.

Does anybody want to talk to an Indian restaurant that's coming up now?

Now's your chance.

Nope?

Okay, I'll do it.

The guy with the man pants, do it.

Good

Bombay?

Yes, Bombay.

Bombay.

I just had to make an order for carryout.

All right, let me have your order.

Yeah, do you have Space Jam?

A bit murky, sorry, Teddy.

What?

What the fuck was that?

I said Space Jam.

What the fuck?

What did I do?

I didn't get in anything.

You just cursed me out, Indian.

All right, I'm going to find an Australian phone number.

All right.

You got a plumber in there and an Australian number.

All right, that'll be coming.

Yes, hello?

What happened?

You said something to me?

You said Marilan, huh?

Banchot?

What happened?

Who are you, Madarchod?

I'm Mr. Bombay.

I'm Mr. Ulu.

I am the king of your...

I am the king of your mother,

the man that sleeps in your mother's bed

and kisses her at night all over her body.

Fuck yourself.

Man, that guy got angry over Space Jam.

He must not be a Michael Jordan fan.

So, did Richie tell you when he was going to call in?

Where's Richie been?

I ain't heard of Richie in a coon's age.

Right.

That's what I was wondering.

Yeah.

I see him writing on chat.

Oh, good, good.

What's up, Milkman?

Milkman, you got a comment?

Randall.

Richie Randall.

The Chunkyard Dog.

So, Milkman, how's your taxi?

Milkman, how's your taxi?

Kid wants to know.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

Is this the stupid Indian?

I'm sorry, is this Indian food?

Yeah.

Oh, I'll have to make an order.

All right.

All right, now, when I make the order for the food, I tell you what I want, right?

And you give me the order, the total for it?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, is that how, all right, ready?

Yeah.

I'd like one order of papadums.

Okay.

Two chicken tikka masala.

Okay.

Three water from the toilet.

Okay.

And then four pails of garbage that the Indians threw out into the street from the window.

Uh-huh.

And then four pieces of shit from the Indians that take a shit on the street on the side of the road when there's no bathroom around.

Okay?

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Would you like a right to on top of all that?

Uh, yes, please.

All right.

Okay.

Well, I really doubt you could afford that, so you have a good night.

Hey, are you Indian or are you American?

No, I'm American.

Oh, damn.

What's up, girl?

How you doing?

What's up?

Yeah.

What's up?

New party?

Uh, yeah.

What's up, lady?

Now people who, like, prank, like, restaurants, like, come on, how old are you?

No, I know you.

No, my friend's 12.

He put me up to it.

He said you were cute.

He thought we'd be good together.

Yeah, I thought you were hot.

I'm on a diet.

Okay, your friend's 12?

Yeah, and I'm on a diet.

Okay, and how old are you?

I'm 32.

And your friend's 12?

Yeah, he's my biggest fan.

Awesome.

Yeah, I'm his son.

See?

Awesome.

It's not weird.

You two boys, you have a great night.

Hey, man.

No, I was trying to think of a name for my dad.

All right, well, have a good night.

Come on, please.

Stop calling me because you're wasting my time.

Look, he needs a new mother.

He wants a new mom.

Come on.

All right, we'll go find one on our corner.

Have a good night.

Did you see the movie with the one girl with the twins?

Oh, man.

I'm going to call her back and see if I can get her to answer.

What was that movie?

Who's the one girl who's an alcoholic now and is all crazy?

Lindsay Lohan.

You know the movie I'm talking about?

Shut up.

oh yeah yeah yeah you should tell her that she offended me i'm crying listen you ever see that

lindsey lohan movie where she wanted her dad to have a mom do you need to go follow me and waste

my time no but that's what's happening please my son wants me to have he wants a new mom

hey my boyfriend wants to talk to you yes hi what is this yes my name is cross and i'm a single man

and then my 12 year old son was in there and he was getting food with his uh friends they were

are coming in, another family,

and then my son

is 12 years old, and he wants a new

mother, and his mom,

my ex-wife, passed away

from cancer,

breast cancer, a few years ago.

So I've been raising him by myself.

I've been raising him by myself.

So I'd like to make an order for food.

Hello? I'd like to make an order

for food, please.

If you want me 20, I'll give you 20, bro.

Yeah. You ready?

This is a business, man.

Yeah, listen, listen, Bhenchod.

You do what I say, okay?

Yeah, you stupid asshole.

Bhenchod.

Dude.

Okay, yeah, the Mexican guy at the Indian restaurant.

Shut up, man! Shut up!

Something productive with your life.

Why?

That's what I love about every dark corner, there's a fucking toilet, man.

Try to eat off your own milk, man.

Bye, milkman.

Beauty, man.

This is good information.

Guys, you hear this?

Every dark corner, there's a toilet.

Berkeley.

Berkeley, California.

I would have never known that.

Hell yeah, man.

You're really good.

You're a dark corner.

Milkman, are you with us?

Are you talking with us or not, milkman?

Hey, yeah.

Lindsay Dohan's film is Georgia Wool.

I dropped Milkman because he was talking to him.

Is the Indian guy still on the phone?

Like, I see it.

It says it's connected.

Yeah, he's still live.

No, no, no.

It says the taxi company is still connected.

The taxi company is still connected?

What?

I was sitting there listening the whole time.

The only people who are in here is Madhouse Live, UK Godfather, Jack Kimbo, and Dirty Aaron and me.

Hey, hey, don't say my last name.

Don't say his last name.

Oh, my God.

You people are so mean.

alright Fabrizio

anyway let me get to the Skype chat room

here where we've got some numbers

apparently we'll get to some more

Indian numbers I'm sure UK wake up calls

will be coming in soon since it's the last hour

of the show the last hour

beginning the last month

of Madhouse Radio

yeah I'm kidding

you guys always get all riled up when that happens

Richie where you been

what's up

hey man

we found a kid younger than you Richie

Oh my god

I know

Cactus cactus

Those things exist

Giggle giggle

Uh

Yo

They're gonna make

Trolling illegal

I'm gonna try to troll

And get arrested for it

Okay

Cool man

That's only Arizona

Those things

Alright hang on

UK Godfather night

One of the numbers

You sent me

Ends in two

Oh I already did that one

Two six two six

That was the taxis right

Yeah yeah

Yeah okay

So then we got

The plumbers

The plumbers in Bristol

Yeah

Let me give them a call

Hi

Do you want to do this, or just...

You do the first one, man.

Gotcha.

I'll try a second call to the plumber.

Only idea I got for plumbers, the only thing I could ever come up with is,

hey, I've clogged up my toilet, come clean it.

I like when that one guy told you to call the fire department.

He's like, call the fire department.

What the hell are you going to do with the fire department with a clog in your toilet?

How stupid is that?

Good point.

you know what you say to plumbers they accidentally dropped a coin down your pants huh the other coin

slot oh okay gotcha you'll say that to strippers stripper place man i gotta go to uh titty bar

soon man me too yeah you too can't wait to get back in one all right yeah richie sure

watching that fucking show weeds with a bunch of bull i mean it's a good show uh i feel but i i

didn't watch season six or seven the last two seasons and they finally uploaded them they

finally uploaded them to netflix i've been catching up that fucking young kid in that

show you guys probably know what i'm talking about but the the kid the young kid in that

show is a fucking brat i'll be a shot don't tell me what happens if you know so carlito i heard

you're playing battlefield 3 uh yeah but i started playing skyrim more now i haven't touched

battlefield 3 in like in two weeks but uh yeah yep yeah yeah i am right on man okay look that

uh plumber number doesn't seem to be working what am i doing wrong here am i missing a zero

I might be missing a zero. Hang on, let me try it again.

Plus four, four...

No, no, no zero.

Okay, I'll find another one.

Does it have a country code on it?

Yeah, it does.

It's just a crap number.

Krista Lynn lives

in Pennsylvania.

What's her deal? A woman answered.

Tell them that Krista smashed my Harley.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Alright, we also got Tracy

Parks in Pennsylvania.

sylvania she's on ok oh yeah i forgot now that's right uh lonesome has a problem with ok cupid

and they said we're gonna attack ok cupid okay cool i've never been to ok cupid is that a dating

site is that what it is free one uh yeah it is but there's just a bunch of bots on there

oh i want you know the thing they were talking about how that guy came up to you and asked you

if it was pizza day yeah i tried doing that and i got uh some people giving me cheap offers you

You asked people if it was pizza day?

Yeah, but like, you know, for buying.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, I remember that podcast.

All right, all right, all right.

What happened then?

What?

You asked?

So I went over to a bunch of people.

I'm like, hey, man, is it pizza day?

And they're like, oh, yeah, sure, only $30.

So I think that's the code.

So it is.

Seriously?

Are you for real?

Yeah, I'm for real.

Okay, cool.

I really went up to people.

Yes, it was pizza day, and I said, cool, there you go.

I had a hunch.

lunch. Awesome. Is it pizza day? Yes, hi, Tracy. This is Carol. Well, is Tracy there? Hold on one

moment. Hurry up. Hey, Carol. Carol. Who are, are you Tracy's mom or who are you? She's mother. Oh,

and what's your problem? What is this? Why isn't Tracy on the phone yet? This is Cross. Don't ask

too many questions, okay? I'm a man and that's not proper. Where's Tracy at? Hey, I don't appreciate

your mom being a stupid cunt bitch on the phone with me when I call her. Who are you? This is

cross we met on ok cupid no yeah we did my name is cross you remember me i have no idea who you

are well now you do listen what's with your mom why she's such a bitch man i don't appreciate you

calling this house i don't know who you are ever want you to call here again i'm calling about five

more times tonight i'm just letting you know ahead of time be calling the cops no you can't

call the cops i don't give you permission to call the cops hey i don't care who are you to say i

I can't call the cops.

I don't give you permission.

You can't go around calling people, giving my information like that.

That's illegal.

Well, I don't appreciate you calling my house.

I don't give you permission to call my house.

I don't give you permission.

I don't recognize your authority.

I don't know.

You are a virgin.

Bitch.

Hey, Carlito.

Yes.

Can I call her?

Let me call her.

You get the third one.

All right, I got something really good.

Yeah, hi.

Is Tracy there?

Tracy just asked me to give her a call.

No, Tracy doesn't live here.

I don't know who you're trying to call.

Tracy does not live here.

This is Carol.

Hey, Carol.

How are you?

Hey, listen.

Listen, you stink.

This is a business nine.

Please do not call here again.

You stink.

You smell bad.

I am calling the police right now.

How many abortions have you had?

All right, and what's your deal?

You wanted to do a call, was it, now, Mr. Kidd?

Yes, I wanted to call her back.

She's calling the police.

Call it quick.

I got something really good for that.

I know exactly what to say.

leave a message after the tone

I meant to hack it

your call has been forwarded

to an automatic voice

oh come on man that was a fucking answer machine

oh they got the answer machine plus the voicemail on it

shit that doesn't work

what you got

what you got there godfather

yeah I got another plumber number down there

down there

down the bottom

and the Australian sex shop as well

Australian sex shop

Didn't we call them once already?

Is that the same one you sent them?

Did you send them before?

No, no.

No, never before.

Don't lie.

Okay.

No, no.

Never.

All right.

Now, look.

The kid can tell you, right?

Didn't I call an Australian sex shop recently and say I was going to walk around with a

dildo and the guy said I'd be arrested?

Yeah, you did.

But this ain't the one.

I know.

I'm just remembering.

Sorry.

I'm an easy wind-up, aren't I?

I know.

I'm reminiscing.

Oh.

I'm reminiscing.

That was so funny.

Funny. A blind man walking around with a dildo.

Good at all, sir. Not good at all.

No, that was gross.

We got another person on OkCupid here.

Her name is Krista. Last name is Lynn.

Let's give her a call.

Can I call her?

Sure. What is your idea?

Just, you know, surprise me with your idea.

I was going to call her and I was going to...

Just do it. I want to know.

Come on. No spoilers.

What was that?

No spoilers. Just do it.

All right.

Don't spoil the story.

So the website's highcupid.com, right?

It's OKCupid.

All right.

Hi, we're on the phone.

Please leave your name and number.

Again.

You're also supposed to say Krista Smaster-Hurley.

Hello.

It sounded like they were answering, right?

What was up with that number?

I don't know.

It sounded like they were answering, and then it just died out.

They turned into gas.

We got UK numbers.

Michael Antram is here as the first target of the night.

Well, let me check Request to Franks real quick here first.

We got the sex shop also

Let me not forget about that

Losing focus here

I'm back

Michael in England

Here we go

Anybody want the UK wake up call

Or shall I do it?

I want to do it

Bring it

Let Dirty Aaron do it first

Who's playing heavy metal?

Carlito

Oh

Who we calling?

Michael Antram for you

Michael Antram

Hello

Yes good morning Michael

Who's this?

Yes

My name is Brock

It's past four in the morning

I didn't know you

Don't ring me again

Why not?

That happens a lot lately right?

What is he doing?

I don't know what that is

What does that happen a lot

So much lately

Hey Carlito

Yeah

You think a treasure can stop me

Yo Carlito

That number

That 347 number I put in

Yeah

Can you call that

And like you talk

And just pretend to be like

Anonymous or something

Pretend to be anonymous

Like the group Anonymous

Yeah just be like

Talk weird like them

Say that

I don't know

Just tell them the government's

Taking over whatever

Taylor

Taylor is a girl

I know, don't mention my name

Poles, please

I was texting her from my

Pinger number

Pretending to be anonymous, she got freaked out

I think that last guy

Wanted to call him back

That's what he said, right, Samantha?

He keeps saying Samantha

Oh boy, it was great having Samantha

It was good having women on the show

Is she gone?

Samantha, well, you know, last week she was on

Oh, who the fuck is on the other line?

It's a kid, it's a 12-year-old kid, it's not Samantha

Nuh-uh.

It's me.

I can't see anybody because I'm on my phone thing.

No, it's a kid.

This is Domino's though.

He left the phone off the hook, this fucker.

God damn it.

Hello?

Hello, sir.

Hello?

It's UK Godfather, Richie.

Come on, Richie, get with it, man.

All right, look, quiet.

Quiet on the set.

We're calling, what's her name, Taylor?

Yeah.

You forgot to put the last one in.

Fail.

That was a copy-paste error, okay?

Sorry.

It's your show after all.

After all, it is my show.

You're right.

Good point.

You don't have to apologize for anything.

You know, tomorrow, here's my plan for tomorrow.

I'm going to get out of work around 2 o'clock.

I'm going to get out early.

I'm going to walk down.

I'm going to go across the street, and I'm going to go to the cigar place.

I'm going to sit there and smoke a big cigar, and then I'm going to go to church.

I'm going to go to Good Friday Mass.

Yeah, man.

Same thing here.

Oh, yeah.

Not every last detail.

Nice.

Get a light, you candler.

Please leave your message for 3, 4, 7.

Is she on the phone?

What's going on?

Please leave your message.

And Dumb and Easy, aren't you supposed to be sleeping?

Like, don't you have school tomorrow and shit?

What's going on?

No, it's spring break.

Really?

Nice.

Well, for me at least.

Oh, I got six days off.

I got three days off.

I got half an hour off.

Half an hour off.

I get out early.

Yeah, I have no school tomorrow.

Lucky guys.

My roommate brought me back some cigars from Puerto Rico over Christmas.

That's good.

They were good.

I got some coconut flavored cigars from Puerto Rico last year.

My cousin stayed with us Christmas time.

She brought me.

She always brings me cigars from Puerto Rico.

She knows me and what I like.

Yeah, they roll these pretty tight.

Hello, please leave a message after the tone.

Trying to get a hold of these.

Carol and Lady Who Got Mad.

You were saying, what about these cigars, Puerto Ricans?

Oh, yeah, they must be, well, I make the joke from the Seinfeld episode

that they were rolled by Dominicans, but they were rolled really, really tight.

But they were good.

It was like a three-pack.

They had a mild and then a darker and then a mix.

of the guy's own.

Awesome. It's going to be good weather tomorrow.

All that, so...

Where's Milkman at? Is he stuck in his trunk again?

No, he's just talking too much.

He's talking about shitting in the corner.

Michael! Is Michael there?

I'm afraid not. I'm afraid not.

Who's calling?

I'm calling from the Water Administration.

We're in the call center, and we're calling

to make a... I understand that United Kingdom

is in the middle of a drought.

Are you Michael's wife? Yes.

okay um how many times a day do you and michael flush the toilet it's 30 in the morning i know

but this is about the water drought that's going on right now okay he's real i know the soul at

the moment well we want to make sure that you folks are not wasting water because there's a

new law that you can't waste the water try again look we just 5 30 in the morning look there's

there's just a lot if you pee you we want you to uh don't flush if you pee only if you poo

If it's yellow, let it mellow.

If it's brown, flush it down.

No, he's gone.

All right, and we don't have any more UK numbers yet here.

I don't believe.

Nothing yet from Lonesome Loser, okay?

Hey, I'll find some.

I'll get BBC again.

I haven't found last couple weeks yet.

Oh, yeah.

You know who we can call back is the computer science people.

They're still up there.

I don't know.

I'm going to bother them.

They're on to it, you know.

All right, can I call?

Yep.

You want to call them?

The kid wants to call them.

Oh, boy.

All right, cool.

Go on, man.

Hey Carlito, how do you feel about the

Orlando getting smashed by the Knicks today?

You know, I'm going to tell you what's going on

with the Magic. Dwight Howard didn't play

I know, I saw the text

I got the text alerts

Let me see, I didn't see the final score

96-80

Here's what happened with the Magic and that really pissed me off

today. I know you guys

hate it when I talk about Orlando, but I want to mention it

because I got to talk about it

Even if you're not a sports fan, you might appreciate

the asshole that Dwight Howard is

All right, so Dwight Howard is a star player for the Magic,

the best center in the league right now.

He comes last night.

There's a rumor going around that he wants,

he came to management of the team,

and he wants the coach, Stan Van Gundy,

fired from the Atlanta Magic at the end of the season.

Hey, Carlito, I don't mean to interrupt, but the stream's down.

God damn it.

Are you serious?

Yeah, I just turned it off for a second, and RBCP's playing.

Yeah, it is.

Son of a bitch.

Look at that.

We're only playing music.

Fuck my story.

here we go

hope it sticks

I couldn't hear you guys at all while I was doing that

we were just talking shit

anyway yeah line of magic

I don't want to talk about it

I'm pissed off

I was going to tell you I went to the Portland Trailblazers

Golden State Nugget Warriors

yeah I went to the Rose Garden

I had my company

I got suite tickets

I got to sit in the suite

that's pretty cool

Nice.

Box seats are nice, man.

I hear you.

Yeah, well, it wasn't even box seats.

It's like you get your own room, you know?

Oh, that's kind of cool.

Awesome.

Yeah, the new Orlando Magic Arena, the new Amway Center, it's got...

I

was gonna go but

what happened i had tickets actually to go to a magic game last season with andy old co-host of

the show uh where i was going to fly down there but uh it was the weekend that i got sick so i

couldn't make it that when i first had my surgery so i couldn't make it but they've got um they're

not suites exactly but like in the middle in the middle of the arena in the middle of the seating

like halfway through the arena like in between 100 and 200 or something yeah like right in the

middle they have like a larger section that it's almost like suites but it's open you're boxed off

and you got like really comfortable chairs and a long counter and counter space and they come and

bring you alcohol and stuff like they have got like table service and all that shit and i was

so bummed out but man i was like i was messed up on morphine anyway i couldn't remember i remember

and it's like no it sucks yes are you really serious about this is the last month of madhouse

live or are you just kidding with all of us maybe maybe you know i don't know well you can't

Godfather is tripping

out over here. Yeah, I'm hoping

it's not like a permanent, just like

a break. Temporary break, man. No, it's

fine. I may have to take a show off here

and there.

I was supposed to have new eye surgery

next Thursday, but

it fell through.

It fell through because of

medical insurance reasons not being ready.

But

no, it's an urgent

surgery. It can be held off indefinitely.

hopefully the sooner i get it done the sooner i can see out of my right eye so preferably i'll

get it done soon yeah right now you think people will be able to take it over while you're gone

i don't mind uh i don't mind it like uk ted did once right and tuck i don't know tuck's been

really inactive what's been up with tuck lately man tuck if you're listening you've been really

inactive lately and worried about you man i haven't heard from him he doesn't answer my uh

my ims my messages anymore i don't know if he's upset or he's busy or what i have to give him a

a call, a personal call on his phone.

Last time I

talked to Tuck, it was the time I did the shitty

show for you. Yeah, the last time

I was out, probably. That was

really terrible. With my retina detached.

Yeah, that was my last surgery. That was fun.

Thank God you didn't do that.

When you're gone, it should be

UK Ted and RHCP

doing a Madhouse Live.

RBCP. I think Ted's back.

Hey, Michael Edmonds is the

last number I got here from Lonesome Loser.

I haven't gotten any other ones. Never mind.

Wait, you need numbers? I could get numbers.

Yeah, haven't you got any numbers from anyone on Request a Prank or Nunu?

Nunu, no. Nunu, no.

You sent me that Australian number. Let me try that.

Taylor didn't pick up that we called here.

Correct number for the plumber that you sent, let me call that.

Basically, so Dwight Howard, player for the Land of Magic, he came out.

He said apparently he went to Land of Magic management saying he wanted his coach fired.

fired uh they asked the coach today before the game uh during press conference is that true and

he said look i'm gonna be honest with you i just left the meeting uh the team management told me

basically yes it's true dwight howard uh came to us and said he wants you fired and you know i

think it's bullshit and then dwight howard the player he wasn't aware that the coach knew about

it or that he just admitted that or that he just spilled the beans to the media and he came down

and interrupted the coaches and and the coach who was talking and put his arm around him and said

you know man i don't know who's making up these rumors i'm not the i'm not the coach you know i'm

not the management of the team and i didn't do that i didn't say that whatever whatever you know

these are all false rumors and then the coach that got pissed off stan van glenn he's like

he's like can i leave now and he like he like walked off and then dwight hire was just standing

in there and then they asked him you know if it was true and he's like no it wasn't he said well

we basically just heard it from the coach that management told him like he's saying himself he

confirmed it so he got caught in a lie like a big lie it was just really they're calling it like one

of the most embarrassing moments in nba history um i really wish the magic would just you know

uh i would like the magic just to suck for a season just have a really bad season so we get

get a number one draft pick and hopefully uh make a third run at it that's the spirit that's hey man

that's that's that's what what else you got you know the knicks should do that too what's up with

carmelo anthony he's a he's a doesn't want to play for the knicks it doesn't seem like yeah it is

he's averaging like 29 points like for the past couple games i don't know i heard i heard about

they asked him like what's up with the knicks like i don't care i don't know man come on

After Jeremy Lin got injured, Carmelo Anthony just started, like, beasting.

He's, like, unstoppable now.

Yeah, Jeremy Lin got all fucked up.

So much for that.

That lasted long.

I just had a really good idea.

Yes.

We should do a second Madhouse Live and do it on, like, a Saturday.

Because the prank show is no longer running on Cacti Radio.

Yeah, I miss the prank show.

I'll be sitting around.

Well, KDK's on.

Listen to KDK.

Why don't you listen to KDK?

Yeah, he's on.

He's on.

Can you call in to KDK?

No.

You should, you know.

I'm going to talk to KDK.

You should let people call in.

Thanks for calling 360 Time Services.

I'm here to take your call.

If you'd like to leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message, someone will call you as soon as possible.

Thank you for your call.

KDK has a Skype, and I think KDK occasionally lets people Skype in.

Hey, you can grab from the tent in the BB switchboard.

Yeah, just found it, man.

Yeah, and I put a phone number to some open book person.

Alright good an open booker that's always fun

Awesome

Lonesome sent in a number here for another Michael

Oh we got two more Michaels

Hold up hold the phone

We got two Michaels and a Kevin in England

Holy shit

Alright let's do it

And so maybe Carlito of KDK

Allows people to call in

All of our Madhouse Live subscribers

Who can be on that day

To call in and we should all do like a

Prank fest

Uh yeah

Yeah, I guess.

See, KDK is more, like, central to himself.

Yeah, he's in his cocoon.

But everyone, I listen to him and he says, you know, he tells people to call in.

No one ever really does.

So maybe we'll have to start calling in.

Yes, hello, is Michael there?

Hello?

Is Michael there?

Um, just a minute.

Okay, still there?

Hello?

Yeah, she still is.

Heard her getting him.

We'll come back to that one.

Call a different Michael then.

So Carlito, have you listened on YouTube to the Mexican Wake Up alarm clock?

I think it's by Prankman.

I'm not sure, though.

No.

Or, no, Prank University.

No, what are they?

Another one?

Mexican Alarm Clock?

No, they call people in hotels, and they scream,

this is your Mexican Wake Up Alarm Clock.

It's funny.

You should watch it, for sure.

Well, check it out.

Thank you.

You remind me of this kid when I played Battlefield 2.

It would be on TeamSpeak with my clan.

Hello?

Hello, this is Michael.

Michael, listen, I'm calling from the Bureau of Water Enforcement.

we're calling to let you know there's new rules enacted today they've been enacted as of midnight

regarding the use of water in your home and outside of the home i'm about to go yes very

very early in the morning i don't want to talk about this yes but i understand you're going to

be getting you're going to be taking a shower soon and using the bathroom aren't you no they

don't want to talk much today they're not having it they're in a bad mood they've had a bad winter

a bad summer do you want me to get them yes okay tell them not to flush the toilet first sir yeah

You got ya. You got ya.

Alright, let's call the first Michael, then. You can take that one.

The first one that was in the process of getting answered.

Hey, Carlito, do you think they have McDonald's over in the UK?

Yes, they do, for a fact.

They have it everywhere.

Yeah, we have.

Saudi Arabia.

They have McDonald's in India. They don't even eat cow there.

Hi there, I'm calling from the United Kingdom Bureau of Water Enforcement.

We just wanted to go over a couple things with you. Is that okay?

Okay. Okay. Due to the recent drought, we recommend that during urination, you do not flush the toilet unless you have a flowless toilet.

A common thing you can recite, remember this, is mellow is yellow, make the brown go down. Okay?

I'm going to put my supervisor on the phone right here. Carlos?

I'm not interested.

Yes, hello. Listen, I'm the supervisor. I'm with the United Kingdom Water Enforcement. Oh, come on.

Damn.

Damn it.

You were doing good, Richie.

You know, you're starting to grow into your own.

You should have gotten him to repeat the phrase.

Michael.

Is this the Michael?

No?

Okay, we'll call Kevin instead about flushing the toilet.

Can I take this one?

Uh, yep, sure.

Why not?

His name's Kevin, right?

Yep.

Is this Kevin?

Yes, it is.

I'm with the United Kingdom Water District.

Sorry?

And we need to ask you some questions.

Uh, you do know it's half five in the morning?

Yes, we know that.

See, it's a new system of operations.

If we call people early in the morning, it helps them remember better what they're supposed to do.

I really don't appreciate you calling me at half five in the morning.

I was up until half past twelve working last night.

Well, it's not my fault you were up half past twelve working.

And we want to tell you, we're going to recite this to you, and we want you to recite this back to us, okay?

Sorry, sorry, who are you?

I am John.

Who is this?

This is John.

From what company? What's this about?

Did you not hear at the beginning when I first called you?

I'm John with the United Kingdom Water Association.

There's no such thing as the United Kingdom Water Association.

Yes, there is.

So why is the United Kingdom Water Association

phoning me at half past five in the morning?

Why not phone them at eight or something?

Because if we don't phone people early in the morning at like 5 a.m.,

It helps them remember it better if we wake them up early in the morning and tell them.

Yeah, it helps me to remember not to take you guys seriously if you're calling people at half five in the morning.

It's clearly wrong.

No, that's our new marketing management.

Okay, well, tell you what, you give me the number of your boss, and I'll give him a call.

Would you like to talk to my supervisor?

Yeah, I would really like to talk to your supervisor now.

This is the supervisor.

I need you over here, please.

Hello, this is the supervisor, agent number 113.

We're calling from the United Kingdom Water Association.

Is there some type of trouble here?

We're with water enforcement.

Water enforcement?

Yes.

What are you talking about?

The British government has enacted emergency powers due to the drought,

and we're in control of the water system now.

So why are you fining me at half past five in the morning?

Well, because, as a matter of fact,

most people are starting to wake up now to use the toilet,

flushing toilets, cleaning

the outside with the hose

No, no, no, the only time the reason I got up

was because the phone was calling

I thought it was an emergency

Well, yeah, this is an emergency

there's a huge drought and we need a

We know that, yeah, we know that

It's a matter of life and death, Kevin

It's a matter of life and death

We have you down as a repeat offender

for flushing the toilet too much around this time

Do you have a problem? Do you usually urinate

at this time in the morning or in

the next hour or two?

Toilet like most normal people.

Okay, well, that's a problem now.

What we're trying to reiterate is there's a limit on the flushing of the toilet now.

There isn't.

There is no limit on the flushing of the toilet.

Yes, there is.

It's a hosepipe ban.

No, you don't have the proper toilet license and a one-gallon toilet.

So you've got a limit on flushing the toilet.

Now, please don't make me force it.

I will put a penalty on you, and I will call the authorities,

and we will shut your water off from the street.

Excuse me, Supervisor.

Yes.

Okay, what company do you represent, and can I have your direct number?

Kevin, Kevin, I need to ask you a question.

Listen, we're with the United Kingdom Water Enforcement,

United Kingdom Water Agency.

Emerging powers have been enacted.

Okay, you give me your number.

Listen, we are a private third-party company from the United States of America,

Okay, you give me your number.

No, you listen to me.

You give me your number, and I'll call you back when it's a better time for me.

How about that?

No, we need you to accept these terms.

Now, there's no need for you to call me back.

I'm just letting you know.

If you flush the toilet, if more than 20 gallons are used between showering and flushing the toilet

within the first four hours in the morning after 8 o'clock in the morning,

your water will be shut off electronically from the street.

It will be shut off for 24 hours.

You will have reached your cap limit of the water usage for the day.

And I'm just letting you know.

What about the other people that I share the block with?

Everybody is on the same rules right now.

If anybody uses more than 20 gallons, you're going to get shut off at the pipe at the street.

Excuse me, Kevin, are you awake?

Am I awake?

Yes, are you awake, Kevin?

Maybe you're not understanding.

Kevin, what we want you to do right now

What we want you to do

Is to put the phone down

Go into the bathroom

Splash some water on your face

And then come back out and talk to us

What's your website?

It's bluewaffle.net

That's the name of our company

Blue Waffle

We're with Blue Waffle Incorporated in the United States

Bluewaffle.net

And then we're contracted by the government of the United Kingdom

To provide this services

services for probably for the next seven days okay so you're telling me you you actually know

how much water i'm i'm using it's all computerized yes it on the computer system right here it's all

on the water table yep okay what about the people do you do you know whereabouts i live then well

we have it all it's all computers it's all computers computers are the future about the

area that i live in do you know about that sir we cannot tell you that information because you might

A person who's trying to get secret information and private information out of our mouth.

Yeah, out of your neighbors.

And that's not necessary, sir.

Come on.

You know you need to do your part, but you need to do your part because of this drought.

Well, we're asking if it's yellow, you let it mellow in the toilet.

If it's brown, go ahead and you flush it down.

So what happens if I don't?

You're just going to keep calling me.

Is that the case?

Well, your water's going to get shut off.

All we have to do is let you know what's going on.

And if you don't want to understand, if you want to be a stupid and use all the water that you want,

then we'll shut your water off.

We'll shut your water off for a whole week.

And we'll charge you 250 pounds.

So have you been monitoring my water in the last week then?

No, we just took over.

The emergency powers were enacted at midnight.

We just took over.

So how do you know what I've been using?

We got a list of all the water users in this area of the United Kingdom,

them and they gave us the phone numbers that

are registered through the

Emergency Power Act. So

we're calling and we're giving a mandatory

information about what the new rules

about the water are before

you make a mistake. Do you understand

how it works? We got a list

from the UK government.

These people use the water machine.

And we're calling people saying, don't use too

much water in your water machine

because we're going to shut you off.

You guys are taking the piss. Blue Waffle is a

porn site. Well, that's our

website. Is somebody hacking our

website, Carlos? I think someone

hacked the website again.

Sir, don't open that website. Just close

it. Please just minimize it, okay?

Don't look at that.

Sir, there could be a virus on that.

Don't look at that.

Give me your number.

And I'll make some more inquiries.

Sir, I've got the number right here. It's

208-743-8000.

Okay.

208-743-8000.

but before we need to clear some things up

I'm going to give you right back to my supervisor

I am the supervisor

I gave him the number of the BBC

switchboard

that's awesome

if he calls the BBC switchboard

I want to see if they can start a thing on the BBC

like people calling

people asking for money or something

see what it turns into

they had a big thing of

prank net in Miami

I saw a news story on it

really prank university people to like blow shit up yeah it was like some hotel room but it was in

miami it was pretty cool what did they do they made something blow up no they had some guy take

off a toilet seat and throw it through the window or something like that yeah it was crazy i thought

i thought they weren't doing that anymore they say that they still do that yeah they say that

but they are still it's still the same old prank net yeah can you call a ping pong what is with

with the ping pong so can you his name that's his name or he gets mad uh name uh poker neck name

okay that's his poker yep yep yep oh yo carlito yo um can i get a can you either call debbie

mansfield or can i have a number or something i thought i already gave you her number oh milkman

gave it to me but it turned out it was actually his number oh you wrote down the wrong number

okay all right um yeah she doesn't answer shit i think i almost yanked the microphone out she

doesn't answer for me but i'll have to um yeah i mean i'll send it to you you call her i don't

want to talk to her anymore all right yeah i'll call it i'll put on my podcast there you go you

have a podcast now okay good yeah it's just like calls it's like three minutes yeah why don't you

do a whole show thing because i can't do a show how am i supposed to do that you just talk to

be on your show if you do it on a weekend wait a minute you have a podcast they have a feed going

going on me um i have it on podomatic i guess so oh i didn't know about that i have to subscribe

to that cool you just put pranks up every once in a while is that it yeah i haven't done one in

like a couple weeks that's cool i'll check it out did you know send me a link oh we'll trade

we'll trade info okay all right sure all right what about i'm calling ping pong awesome name

who's taking this alito okay me i'm the boss the new boss the godfather our supervisor so what's

What's the point of this ping-pong guy?

Yeah, what is the plan, Godfather?

Ask him about the table for hot sex.

Don't say my name on the call, though.

Don't say UK Godfather.

Can we just mention God?

No, just say UK.

God the Father?

UK.

God the Son?

God the Holy Spirit?

He didn't answer.

Man, I can't wait for tomorrow.

We're going to crucify Jesus.

Oh, yeah, baby.

Yes.

Yeah, I can't wait.

Big day tomorrow, man.

That was rubbish.

Someone's got an echo.

I didn't answer there.

Red Sloth Man, you know?

Once again, it's a cell phone number

that doesn't answer, like usual.

It's a landline number.

I know you're trying to piss me off.

Taking the piss out of you.

Yeah, you got mad, Carlito,

at Red Sloth Man

because he kept sending in

cell phone numbers.

I was like, Red Sloth Man!

And I shook my fist.

Yeah, dude, you were getting angry at him.

You know this BBC

thing? Yeah, I was trying to recall him and see

See if that man's called him.

That's right.

You're sending in numbers and I'm not paying attention.

Lonesome sent in a lot of UK numbers also here.

I got a sex shop and a BBC.

Did you put the BBC number there in the Skype or did you request a friend?

Hey, that one shop didn't work.

Remember, we already tried to call it.

Which one?

No, no, no.

It was a plumber.

Yeah, no, no.

The sex shop we haven't done yet.

No, and there's a BBC switchboard.

And we could ask them about if they'd had that guy call them about water.

His name was Kevin.

Kevin, yeah.

You don't hear that name in Britain very much, Kevin.

No, it's a child's name.

I see.

Yeah.

Good afternoon, 60 Secrets, Clint speaking.

Good afternoon, yes.

I was asking about your,

calling about your collections of fake penises and dildos and dongs.

What are you after, sorry?

Well, I'm visually impaired.

The first thing I wanted to make sure is,

am I allowed to bring in my seeing eye animal?

I have a dog who sees for me.

Yes, sure.

Is it okay?

Yeah, no problem.

Okay, then I'd also like to bring in my son.

And your son is?

Well, I can put him on the line.

He's my seeing eye son.

He sees things for me and picks up things.

Yes, I help my dad.

I help my dad see.

He's a visionary and impaired.

He describes the videos to me when we watch pornography together.

My son sits and I can't watch pornography because I'm blind,

but he watches them and he describes to me what's going on in the movies.

um but you're yeah what age is your son he's 10 years old well there's a problem there yeah uh

restricted premises we just can't allow it uh at all there's no problems with uh the thing

i can't go anywhere without my dad why can't people understand that i i can't see without

him he's the person i need i need him with me in order to see you need to make this accommodation

this is completely normal in the united states where we're from and all you people do here

Here's discriminating against us.

We moved from the United States over to England

because we thought maybe he would have a better life with me.

But no.

I don't set the laws here.

So it's a government law that just won't allow anybody under the age of 18

into restricted adult premises.

All he does, he just reads things for me and hands them to me.

So he'd go and he'd look at the videos and he'd describe the women's breasts to me

and what color they are and how big their nipples are, things like that.

I have no issue personally with it, but again, I cannot break the law because I'm in breach of my...

I try to help paint a picture in his mind for him.

You don't think there's a problem with a 10-year-old boy sitting with his father while he's watching pornography?

I'm his seeing-eye child.

I don't have a problem with it.

But as I said, if it was up to me, I would allow it.

But I cannot do it because I am in breach of my permit

if I allow an underage person on a restrict premises.

It is the law.

Hold on, Dad. I got this. Hold on, Dad.

God damn it, I command you to change the law,

and I command you to do it now.

He's gone.

Damn it.

So he doesn't think there's a problem with a 10-year-old kid

describing pornography movies for his...

watching a porno with his dad who's blind

and describing... Seems pretty

legit. I don't know what you're talking about.

Like, what's the kid's gonna be like?

She's fucking him now.

She's sucking his dick.

That's kind of creepy.

I found some

girls saying she's prank calling people.

Really? Yeah, we should say

we should say we're prank call vigilantes

and we've

launched a war on you.

Prank vigilantes?

This might take all of us to get in there

Yeah

Put it in Skype

Was it on Twitter that she did it?

Facebook

She said she's prank calling

You know what we should do

We should call like we're Facebook

And have all the people in the Skype chat

Act as members of the

Facebook protection program

And say that we found out

That she's a prank phone caller

No not Facebook

Prank call vigilantes

prank call vigilantes yeah i like that yeah nice try kid hey that's right you're good you've been

doing pretty good later here now hello nydia hello hi there um we're recently been made aware

that you have been prank calling we are launching a prank call um war on you basically we're prank

call vigilantes we prank call prank callers yeah we understand you're prank calling people so we're

going to start prank calling you and all your friends and it's really bad too yeah it's really

Really, Nolte, you need to stop doing it.

Can we have a statement from you?

Maybe we can discuss this, and you can tell us who, maybe, what the problem is here.

You might even get away with a lesser case, too.

Yeah, maybe only five years.

No, I'm looking at, like, seven for prank phone calling.

I'm seeing about six to eight, maybe, if you cooperate, maybe one to two months.

Yeah, for good behavior, though.

We got a nice little ass on you.

Yeah, we like hope.

We like hope.

So, what do you think?

Hello.

Yes.

Is there anything you have to say for yourself?

Because prank phone calling is really, really bad.

Do you see any random kid off the street prank phone calling everybody in the world?

No, you don't.

You told.

Yeah.

God damn it.

You don't know.

Are you there, Lydia?

She hung up.

No, she hung up.

We are anonymous.

We are a lesion.

Do not forget.

Who's that going?

How about...

It's Godfather.

Godfather?

there yeah what about bbc pixie echo no oh hold on i'll call back all right um i'm getting ready

to end the show dude it's late it's one o'clock you know it's time for me just about but i started

late we had technical difficulties so i'll put in a little bit extra time you want me to send you

uh that my link or whatever after the show or something yes you send me a link and i'll send

you debbie mansfield's number we'll trade hey carlito i need to ask you something after the

the show in private okay all right you got it man all right so uh i don't know like carlito what's

vagina richie richie is all about this stuff okay so here's a uk call david ansel david whatever

call him there you go can i do this one sure david ansel hi is david there hello is david there

yes so put him on we need to speak to david we need to speak to david david who david ansel

This is the U.K. Department of Water Association.

The what?

David Smith.

David Smith, please.

Ansel.

One number.

Ansel.

David Ansel.

Who are you?

My name is Cross, Richie Sear, Jack, the Godfather of the U.K., and Dominezio.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Listen, he's in Victoria.

We're an Internet gang.

We're going to beat up your husband.

We're an Internet gang.

We're going to beat him up over the Internet.

No, seriously, we're curling from us.

What?

This is off-width.

There's another David.

David Baker.

Don't screw this one up, guys.

Oh, she's still in here.

She's still in here, yo.

Good.

She can listen, yo.

Hey, FEMA, if you're listening.

It's very night cranks.

Yeah.

Even though it's not.

Oh, David.

David Baker.

Yes, listen, Mr. Horse.

I want you to know that you're not supposed to flush the toilet more than five times today

because of the water.

Did you know about that?

Right.

How many times were you planning on flushing the toilet?

Why are you asking?

Because there's a water shortage right now, and I want to make sure.

Who's asking you?

The United Kingdom government.

Fine, is it where you are?

Well, we're in a call center, and it's 1 o'clock in the morning.

So why are you ringing people?

We're calling from New York City.

I know, but why are you keeping people out of bed to your calls?

Well, the United Kingdom government, the United Kingdom,

gave us a list of people who use too much water, and because...

Huh?

You're talking a load of rubbish.

No, I'm not. Listen, you're a repeat offender.

Listen here, mate. You are talking a load of rubbish.

Listen, listen, old man.

Listen and listen good.

You're using too much water.

You are using too much water for the United Kingdom.

We are in the middle of a drought crisis.

Hang on a minute.

You turn around and say too much water.

How do you know I'm using too much water?

Because it's all computerized.

We can see your usage.

No, you can't.

You cannot tell how much water I am using in this.

Let me tell you something.

You don't even have a license for your toilet.

When was the last time you got your toilet license?

Don't tell them to call you your number.

Have you got a supervisor there?

Yes, I have a supervisor.

Okay, I'm here, sir.

I'm supervisor.

Are you the supervisor?

Yeah, I'm supervisor number 461.

What can I do for you?

Now, why are you ringing people and getting them out of bed in the early hours of the morning?

Well, actually, it's very important, sir.

The water of your country is at stake.

Not to get put in the early hours of the morning is not important.

Sir, you shouldn't be getting out of bed.

I think it's a law that you have to have your phone right next to your bed, so you don't get out

I've got an ill wife here, and you are waking her up.

No I'm not, she's already woken up.

Your calls are totally unnecessary to the country at this time of the morning.

Sir, if we don't make these calls...

I don't care what you're saying, you've got no means of saying how much water I'm using.

Yes, because we can see it on the computer machine.

No, you can't.

Not on this property.

Not on this property, you can't.

Sir, do you realize that you do not have a toilet license?

You're riding the toilets illegally.

Don't talk about a cobbler.

You don't have to have a license to walk in a toilet.

You don't know what you're talking about.

Listen, you chav.

Stop saying cobblers, okay?

It's annoying the hell out of me.

Sir, this is the Royal Toilet Administration.

You ought to show some respect.

You show some respect to all of us.

Who am I talking to?

Off Waltz.

We are the Royal Toilet Administration

Royal Toilet Administration

Who am I talking to?

This is the Royal Toilet Administration

You people are using too much water and there's a drought

And we're warning you

Don't flush the toilet more than five times a day

We're going to shut your water off from outside

Give me your name and your number

Yes

It's the Royal Toilet Administration

It's your name and your number

Cobblers

Richie, hold on, I got something

You ring this number again

ma'am ma'am ma'am who are you this is john please can you just please listen to me for two seconds

please we will if you flush the toilet more than five times a day we will have a van parked outside

with thermal night vision goggles to know when you're flushing the toilet and we will count

how many times i'm gonna hang up now if you call this number again i'm gonna ring the police and

And while I'm talking to you...

You think your cursor can stop me?

Resistance is futile.

I just wanted to mention, I got sad news here.

From the last time that the stream went down, 30 minutes ago,

I forgot to start the recorder again,

so all the pranks I did in the last 30 minutes are gone.

Oh, no.

Oh.

Yeah.

Wait, wait, wait.

Shit, I didn't start Call Burner, did I?

Wait, wait, please tell me Call Burner started.

Call Burner.

You have Call Burner?

Yeah.

Please, oh, no, shit, it did start.

the only thing is live stream is supposed to be recording right now but it seems to be everyone

saying it's messed up is live stream working for anybody at least it's in our memory

yeah it's live it is working like it's live then it might be safe it might be safe i might what

am i hang up god uk lady leave us alone we're done with you he's picking up and hanging up

I'm just trying to call the police.

I might be able to, like, what I'll do is I'll start playing the recorded video

and start the stream and record that.

I don't know.

I might have a way to save it if the recording, the video recording is working.

That sucks.

Willem272 has been recording it.

Well, that's cool.

If you have been, even when the things, you know, dropped off.

Yeah, because we had two good UK calls there.

That sucks if we lost those.

Shit.

Richie's calling back in

We lost Richie

Everything's messed up today with the show

Nothing's working right today

It's because I'm in here

And UK Godfather's in here

First time listener

First time caller

Yeah we screw up

UK Baz

This is UK Baz

UK BCP

UK 3 Clay

Look at that that's awesome

I had seen that before, but I didn't read those out to myself.

People taking the UK moniker in the chat room.

Yeah, Noonoo is agreeing with me.

We should call back the computer lab.

There are new people in there.

All right.

I'm not talking to the computer lab, but you guys can take it if you want.

I'll talk to them.

Cool.

Where did we get?

Who sent the computer lab in?

Oh, yes.

I remember.

Hey, Noonoo, could you put a link to it again?

I exited it out.

Okay, thanks.

Well, real quick, William, since you're listening, before I forget and the show's over and I can't see you until next week, get a hold of me.

Send me an email, madhouseradio at gmail.com, and let's figure out a way that you can send me.

He says he recorded, like, the last 20 or so minutes of the show, so we might be able to grab those two pranks off of it if my method fails.

That'd be a good backup.

Will, Willie, please help me.

I need your help.

Okay. Dirty Aaron at 10 p.m. sent a message in the chat.

He said his phone is messing up, so he can't call in.

Okay. Thank you.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

4-2-3-9-3-0-5-9-1.

Is that the message for the...

That's the... Oh, that was the wrong number.

Yeah.

Can we call back that lab?

Yeah, that's what we're doing.

I grabbed the wrong one.

I was calling the crazy religious lady

that KDK called recently.

There's only one Asian kid left.

Well, tell him there's a ghost behind him.

What time is it over there?

Where is Purdue?

Is Purdue on the East Coast?

I don't know where Purdue University is.

It says on the cam it's 1-15.

So it's East Coast.

Is that an Ivy League school?

Am I wrong?

That is an Ivy League school, isn't it?

Purdue?

No.

A lot of Asians go there.

Was it an American number or British number, Carlito?

The lab.

It's Eastern.

Eastern.

East Asian.

Come on.

Get up.

Answer it.

He's ignoring it.

He's just looking at his computer.

He's doing his homework.

He's looking at porn, you know.

Oh, some guy's going to answer it.

Hey, you see the Asian guy in the white shirt?

Can you give the phone to him?

Sure.

Thanks.

He's going over to talk to him right now.

Hey Jack, Jack, tell the Asian kid that he stole your USB keyboard and you want it back now.

Alright, I'll accuse him of stealing my StarCrafts game.

No, say that you can see him watching porn.

Alright.

Dude, he'll deny it.

Tentacle porn.

Ah, he won't come over.

No, no, no, that's the clue.

Wait, are you looking at the camera?

What?

What camera?

Wait, which guy? There's no Asian guy in a white shirt in here.

I'm the white guy in the white shirt.

The guy in the white shirt?

Okay.

Do you want to talk to him?

Hurry up.

Yes, give the phone to him.

I think they want to talk to you.

Just come over.

Wait, who are you?

Just go over to him and punch him in the face and give him the phone.

I'm across the hall.

Don't listen to him.

Just get him.

Hey, there's actually a guy sat behind the guy in the white.

If you look right in the corner of the picture, he's ducking down.

Oh, yeah.

I see him.

You should tell the guy who answers the phone next time that he's gay.

You guys said the guy was Asian.

does not look asian where'd you guys get asian from he looked asian when his head was down

yeah just say he's been caught looking at porn no can't carlito can we call that back so i can

accuse a guy that he stole my usb keyboard yeah they're not gonna answer now for all the but okay

now they're not gonna answer i'll try again i don't know i'm trying to figure out how how

lonesome and nudu figured out the phone number it's not doing anything yeah i don't hear it

try it again

they're like fuck

people are trying to study

shit we're fucking bothering them

it's like midterms right now too probably

oh I'm back

are they moving towards the phone

nah they're all ignoring it

they're all doing their work

fucking nerds

I was just about to say that

alright I think that's the show

it's 1.15 it's my time I gotta sleep

I've got to work tomorrow, guys.

All right, be responsible.

Yeah, that's what I want.

We had a lot of numbers I couldn't get to, including the BBC.

Sorry about that, Godfather.

And a whole bunch of UK numbers from Lonesome Loser.

Send me a request.

Carlito, I'm going to try and get another finished prank edited tomorrow.

Okay, yes.

Thank you.

I appreciate it.

Good work on the other one.

Yeah, this one's going to look a lot better.

a lot better. The only thing I can say is

is there a way so it doesn't show

click here for previous video the whole

way through? I don't know. Yeah, I know.

I'm going to fix a lot of that. Yeah, but the first one

for a test, that's fine. That's good.

That was actually good. So Carlito,

after the show's done,

I'll invite you to a

Skype call. I'm going to sleep.

You can message me.

I'll text

you via Skype on my phone.

But I'll be in bed

jerking off.

Alright, that's how I get to sleep

Alright, well, everybody, Richie, see you

Out of here, on your ass, see you later, man

Yeah, cheers, guys

JFK's Jack, out of here, on your ass

See you later, man

Cheers, Carlito

Alright, that really sucks about those

Last few calls, man

Really bummed out about that, I hope I'm able to recover them

I guess we'll have to find out whether or not it worked

Whether or not it saved

Alright, well, thank you everyone for tuning in tonight

night this has been madhouse radio for what it's worth i will be back next week i want to mention

you all have a very safe easter weekend be careful please be responsible i lost a friend last year

on easter weekend so let's not repeat that again all right guys i hear about any madhouse listeners

getting hurt or anything like that over the easter holiday celebrating jesus's uh sacrifice for all

all of us dying for our sins and being reborn and sitting down into hell and

rising on the third day.

Let's do that properly.

All right.

Good night,

everybody.

Calls (33, 1 h 31 min of 2 h 47 min)

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