He Was Speaking Spanish This Whole Time

I ain't no fucking game, dude.

I fuck you, son of a bitch.

You ain't getting no goddamn dollars.

I'll fuck you all my life long.

Perfect.

Why don't you piss off?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

Having a lot of fun tonight.

I'm having a lot of fun tonight, everybody.

Good evening.

It is Carlito, Milkman, and Madhouse Radio.

Milkman, it's a great night.

It's a great night, man.

Yes, sir.

My meat.

Oh, kiss, kiss, kiss.

It's good to hear your melodious tones tonight.

You're sounding rather jolly and well.

I'm sure you have something great in store for us, do you not, my friend?

Shove it up your ass, milkman.

Shove it right up your ass.

Ow!

Shove your niceness and gratitude and pandering and shove it right up your ass tonight.

I don't know how to lift that out.

You know, that really hurts.

Yeah, KDK's great

Yeah, KDK's cool

In my book, he's cool

It's kdkprankphonecalls.net

Everyone be sure to go there tonight

Enough with the clapping, Milkman

No more clapping for tonight, okay?

Alright, man, I'm sorry

I'm just a little enthusiastic

Things are really, really going well

The show sounds so good

Alright, I'll be good

Okay, good

So, I think it's hilarious

hilarious this i i turned the there's been a lot of bullshit going on with you guys that have been

very upset with the vast majority of you in the chat room shame on you guys very bad bad all of

you very bad should be ashamed of the way you've been acting in the chat room milkman enacted um

the uh stallion bot that we paid for two weeks ago we paid several hundred dollars to get that

bot uh created um by a computer friend that milkman has but he sent me the whole log of the

chat room and all i see is a lot of malarkey a lot of um anger and people all all across the

board disrespecting people op they don't need to be op i'm a little upset so i decided to take noon

oh it's hilarious dude is upset dude is upset milkman nude is you're in the chat what i haven't

You didn't get a message from me.

What the hell are you upset about, Nunu?

We replaced Nunu with Milkman tonight.

A jolly wankster from Wankershire, England.

I represent him.

I think it would be funny to put Nunu on timeout for the show.

Here's why I'm pissed off, man.

I'm very angry right now.

Because fucking asshole UK Ted, like a...

Can't mind his own business, and he has to go in there and use all caps.

and because nunu always uses all caps milkman so he's usually auto off and he gets in the chat

room and he doesn't have ops and he already is like what the fuck and then my second prank on

him was going to be after he typed in all caps which he probably would have done really early

in the show probably be doing it by now um he would have gotten kicked out by the stallion bot

lot that we paid for but uk ted i have that also i have that capability also so even if we deprogram

stallion i still can enact that but uk ted like a pendejo had to go in there and and type it all

caps and it kicked him out first and nunu put that one together so it's still funny because

nunu's like ah and nunu's like you're taking all caps all caps i talk all caps i gotta talk all

caps this is awesome i think we're just having fun with nunu for the first hour of the show

Noonoo's on timeout for talking in all caps too much in the chat room.

I think that Noonoo has shown poor leadership in the last few weeks in the chat room

because he allowed the chat room to come under a hacking attack once, remember?

And I said in the chat room, I said, Noonoo, you're asleep at the wheel

just like the fucking watchman at the Titanic,

the guy who was in charge of the Titanic, the vice captain.

You know, the iceberg's coming for the Titanic, and Nunu's sleeping at the wheel.

Sleeping at the wheel.

So, he's on timeout.

That's not to say that other people are behaving in there.

I think everyone Nunu has had a gripe with.

Some of them, majority of them, have been a problem issue.

Oh, my.

Hey, there's RBCP.

Welcome, sir.

Who?

RBCP just chopped.

Chopped.

Oh, yes.

Hi, RBCP.

How are you, sir?

It's good to see you.

let's look for uh look for numbers that we can do i got a feeling new new new will you please

send some numbers please send us some numbers to prank call i'd appreciate it and please quit

hacking the site man i mean yeah we're working with you but just be nice don't go dookie uh

okay so we have a woman named amanda who set up a free one month trial with century link for tv

service she canceled at the end because she basically just wanted free tv for a month uh

Uh, people do that.

My parents do that.

Anyway, they ended up charging her and she was super pissed.

She may have already taken care of it, but you're king and can definitely improv something.

Okay.

Wow.

Thank you, man.

Let's be a personal friend.

Uh, do you know what company?

Oh, CenturyLink.

Okay.

Does CenturyLink do, uh, Florida TV service?

I didn't know that.

I don't know.

Yeah.

It might be.

It's a new provider.

Maybe it's just weird.

I don't know.

Maybe I should switch to whatever company that Brad uses for cacti, because it seems

to be a little more a little more reliable than this company i'm with right now it'll be an easy

switch i'll basically be doing what this guy here did uh what this lady that we're going to be

calling here now amanda cancel the get the free one month trial and then cancel how what do you

what how do you go through those motions to get tv just for a month you're gonna sign a contract

and have them come out and install the fucking equipment and connect the tv and you're gonna

get you know you're gonna be sitting there learning the channels and the new control

remote control and the new box and all that and and you know going into you're going to cancel

before the end of the first month these are all things i should be asking her i think right because

anything we can do to you know to acquire any any services for less than free is great to make and

receive calls anywhere in the united states absolutely free simply get magicjack.com

it takes only seconds that's magicjack.com your call cannot be committed as dialed

Your caller ID has either been blocked

or has been deleted incorrectly by your carrier.

Yeah, they won't let you...

You can't Skype into MagicJack numbers.

And it's funny, they'll play an ad first

before they even tell you what the problem is

when you're trying to call them.

Isn't that a little ridiculous?

Seriously.

Wow, I didn't know that, man.

I said a Jack number, but I...

I understand Google Voice will work

because it's based off of a phone kind of platform

where they're actually being mapped over

where to tell off any lines uh that google's and involved with so that should work out let me uh

see if i can remember how to pull that up here on the new server where do i go how do i call

somebody out of gmail why don't i i should know this i do it all the time call phone here we go

yeah pass you through to some rooms uk ted please i appreciate it i'm gonna voice new new i think

think that's fair hello no one is available to take your call please leave a message i'm going

to try a call again if they don't answer then whoever sent this in is banned forever so get

ready mr trombone i'm kidding trombone tatas sorry trombone tatas i'm kidding is unavailable

to take your call please leave a message after the tone hi amanda could you please give me a

call back appreciate it i won't give out the number on the air because stupid people start

start uh getting stupid with it um well the chat room there's people saying stupid things that

don't make any sense really stupid fucking things like talk about tcp ip bad fish talk about tcp ip

i need stack info what what's the point what are you talking about what you want to talk about

internet protocol icmp huh please enjoy the following music while your party is being

reached don't be stupid and a great big cock this is the katie k show what are you talking about

What are they talking about?

Hello?

What are they talking about, Milkman?

I hit the wrong number.

I hit the wrong button.

I hung up on you.

I know.

I figured it out.

I heard Susan just connected the call.

I knew that.

Great big coxswainer.

This is the KDK show.

What are you talking about?

What do you mean this is the KDK show?

I don't know, man.

He's not very happy with me right now.

Who cares?

He said I'm a faggot.

And you know what?

I said, hi.

What the fuck is he talking about, guy?

I'm sure he's a nice guy.

What are you talking about, bro?

Yeah.

Great Big Cock says

I thought you were KDK

Sorry, Artie

Okay, who's Artie?

Me?

Who's Artie?

Everyone ignore that, man

Great Big Cock

Alright, alright

Yeah, I'm not gonna worry about it

It's alright

Have fun, Great Big Cock

It's alright

He's a fucking maniac

He's a fucking

I don't know what he does there

He probably doesn't have

No shirt on right now

Listening to the show

Bro, I'll drink him

Cheap beer

Keep typing without no pen

Whatever, have fun

Enjoy the show

Cagney wants us to know

This is an awesome show

Thanks, Cagney

that's good milkman uh do a plus do a voice op on uh cagney make him a plus voice i appreciate it

thank you all right i've seen there we'll take care appreciate thank you sir thank you sir there

you go golden star golden star for you this is how we're going to handle the chat room now when

you're good if you're a good person you get a a gold star and if you're a bad person then we take

away your gold star all right now we don't have a system where you get a negative star but we're

working on it so i understand we got someone that we're paying some money to figure that out

in irc there may be some news coming maybe we got about 18 minutes left until new news uh

reinstated in the meantime we're going to continue with some more prank calls requested pranks that

we have here i believe we have some requested pranks if not then i don't know maybe i'll just

end the show and play skyrim or something or modern war for it modern warfare uh three is

Is that the game that the people play now?

I have that game here.

I think I have it.

I haven't played it yet or something like that.

All right.

Or I'll watch basketball too.

There's a lot of basketball on right now.

25 years old and still lives with his mom.

This is Jarvis who lives in Texas and he is a request to prank call submission.

He's the lucky recipient of a request to prank on his behalf.

Let's give him a call.

Big Jarvis.

I'd have a nice story to talk about, but since I'm not allowed to talk about food

food according to people in the chat room certain people then i guess you guys won't hear the nice

story okay oh no man it would have been nice to talk about right but we can't talk about this

jarvis it would have been nice to jarvis are you there yeah it would have been nice to be able to

talk about this with the people but since you have a problem about me talking about food then i guess

no one's gonna have to hear the nice story right yeah listen just because you gotta go around

around talking shit about me about talking about food all the time i don't appreciate that i don't

have a problem okay what i don't have a problem if i talk about food how much i like food and

foods that i make and eat and sharing with my friends about food that doesn't mean i got some

kind of problem okay who's this this is cross jarvis jarvis i am cross i am cross jarvis i am

cross cross yeah cross what yeah i know you well i'm friends with your mom you live with your mom

I'm friends with your mom

and we talk about you all the time

I don't know you

I just want you to know you don't need to be talking trash

and talking shit about me

talking about food all the time

if I want to talk about nice things

that I've made food wise and that I've eaten

and I want to share about restaurants

and drinks that I drink and make drinks

and special drinks that I order from other countries

and I bring them here to my house

and I'm drinking them in private

that doesn't mean you need to make me feel

You're like, I'm a piece of trash, a piece of shit myself.

Okay, I don't even know you.

Like, why don't you call me?

I don't know you.

Your mom said to give you a call that you were the one that was talking these things about me,

talking about food all the time.

Okay, I don't even know you like that.

Your mom knows me like that,

and she told me everything that's going on with the way you've been handling these situations

and talking to people about me behind my back.

And I don't appreciate that.

I work with these people.

I spend more time with some of these people than I do my own family.

There you go.

I'm going to call him back.

Listen, I don't appreciate you hanging up the phone on me.

Listen, your mom told me to call you.

Yes, she did.

She said you're the worst talking trash.

Last weekend, Mrs. Sillman said to give you a call

and talk to you about the problem that we're having here with you

talking trash about me behind my back.

She's your mom, though.

Listen, your mom is your mom, and I know her.

I've been talking to her.

I know her on a personal basis, Mr. Jarvis.

Don't talk about me, okay?

Whatever.

I don't know you.

She gets her hair done where I go, and she goes to the same grocery store that I work at.

I don't know you.

I work at the grocery store, and she comes to the, you know the grocery store?

What grocery store?

Cross Grocery Store.

Grocery Store.

The Grocery Store.

Cross Grocery Store.

I used to work for, I used to work for Albertsons.

If you keep calling my number, I'm going to call my friends.

Are you going to call your friends?

You're going to tell them more about me?

Yeah, you don't leave me alone.

You're going to talk more shit about me?

Asshole?

Yeah, you leave me alone.

Son of a bitch.

Whatever, man.

I'm going to give you such a slap in the face.

Don't call me anymore.

Show him don't call me anymore.

I'm just talking dumb shit to him.

He doesn't get it.

Thank you, and I'll try to get back to you soon.

Oh, boy.

Yeah, I have more friends.

Good point, William.

Listen, I'm not playing games here, okay?

I'm not in the messing mood.

Okay, leave me alone.

I'm going to put my friend on the line.

Milkman, tell him we're not playing games.

games but i don't know you why are you we're not playing games okay why are you calling me because

you're talking shit about me and the milkman eating food and talking about food and cooking

food and all the foods we like to eat i don't even know you we know your mom she comes to the

grocery store we work at what my mom's name mrs uh what is it silman you want to refuse you want

want to refuse that's her name very sneaky what's her name mrs sillman no it's not so your mom has

a different last name than you do yes she does is it because you're a bastard what is it because

you're a bastard you're a bastard why do you call me i don't even know you well you know when your

mother doesn't have the same last name as you that means you're a bastard child so what are you

talking about why are you calling me because you're talking shit about me and milkman i don't even

know you eating i don't even know you milkman tell him we're not playing games we ain't playing

no fucking games, buddy.

You see?

Okay.

Come meet me at Taco Bell.

Taco Bell?

I don't even know you.

Come meet me at Taco Bell.

I'm not going to Taco Bell.

I don't even know you.

Just meet me at Taco Bell.

We'll handle this.

We'll talk it out.

We'll hug it out.

We'll be okay.

If you just meet me

in Taco Bell,

we'll be okay.

If you call me,

I'm going to call my friend

and I'm going to call the cops.

You don't leave me alone.

Who's your friend?

Don't worry about it.

Milkman,

tell him we're not playing games.

I told you, buddy.

We ain't playing

no fucking games.

You see?

Okay, I'm going to call the cops on you.

Don't leave me alone.

We're not playing games.

Milkman, tell them we're not in a messing mood.

We are not in the mood to mess around with this stupidity, buddy.

You see?

Milkman is serious.

He's a brown belt.

This is serious, punk.

Jarvis.

Okay, you don't even...

What?

I don't know him.

Jarvis, meet us at Taco Bell.

I'm not meeting at Taco Bell.

All right, meet us at Pizza Hut or something.

Come on.

You better buy a fucking whole burn box.

He's gone.

All right, let's leave him be.

He's just kind of getting nervous now.

oh boy i just don't get it we're here madhouse radio doing prank calls a lot of people here in

the chat room good to see you all thank you all for showing up what is this track playing right

now dc low gas well it is uh mf doom this is titled yellow dock yellow dock by mf doom

off of the Special Herbs 9 and 0 albums.

The majority of the music we play at this time are MF Doom instrumentals.

UKTED got kicked for talking in caps.

UKTED doesn't work like that.

You don't know the formula.

There's a whole algorithm.

It knows if you're trying to get around by only making a few of the letters small.

It knows what you're trying to do, UKTED.

It's smart.

We paid about $180, right, Milkman, to get that guy.

it's working well too man

you cannot beat it man

it's a very sweet program

it's very well programmed on how it works

UK Ted's in there

oh if I just, I'm going to make two letters small

and everything else big, no UK Ted doesn't work like that

okay, nice try

what is that song on Madhouse that always has the kids

singing in the chorus

what could that be, Gorillaz

what is the name of that song, let me look at the album

and find out, let me look up Gorillaz

I'll tell you in a second, hang on, now I want to hear that

it's a good song it's an album i heard on my honeymoon it's off of the demon days album back

in 2005 i think that came out in 2005 but i gotta find the song but it wasn't that one

maybe i can do this here might be this one let's see if it's this one here we go dirty harry is the

song dirty harry by the gorillas pretty sure this is the one you mean if not let me know the wall

could have been the wall too let me know if it's the wall could be paying for the wall all right

right let's see what else we got here enigma 420 where the hell's the beer at i can't drink beer

homie because i am on a diet man too many carbs even the light beer just too much and alcohol

messes with my metabolism so i'm gonna be drinking this weekend i'm taking a break uh yeah that's

where we're talking about food um there's a potluck tomorrow oh milkman i'm excited milkman

there's a yeah there's a potluck at work tomorrow man yeah

Yeah.

What did the old lady cook up?

She cooked you up something nice, or did you do all the gourmet?

Well, it was between the two of us.

She makes really good chili, and I want to learn how to make chili.

So she walked me through the steps, and I actually did my own spin on it.

I planned it out, but she went through the basics with me on how to make the chili,

and I added my own recipe.

I'm trying to work on my own recipe.

I'll tell you what I did.

Here's my chili.

i made a turkey chili because now keep in mind these are indians that i'm working with and this

is why i'm excited because these indians man they uh they're they it's it's like 20 to 30 indians

that work uh and there's about you know eight americans so they're all bringing in indian food

and they put up a list you know on sharepoint you know here's a document everyone put down

what you're going to bring and i put in turkey chili i put in turkey chili because uh i know

you know i get the indians don't eat beef right is that true i was like i'm not going to bring in

you know uh chili with beef so i decided turkey chili uh which is good enough i'd rather be

good though man yeah so here's what you do man um the good thing about this rather let me talk

about the indians first they're all bringing in indian food and i started i started looking up

this i like i was like i don't know what this is so i took a copy of the the sign up form and i

started going to wikipedia and looking up all the stuff and it's like chicken biryani and

chicken 65

which I never

I thought that was some guy

just made up chicken 65

and I look it up

chicken 65 is an actual Indian dish

it's like these

it's like these fried

sour

spicy sour fried

pieces of chicken

that they use

oh man it just looks awesome

but all the different Indian food looks awesome

I'm so excited about it

I'm bringing in a super spicy

I figured it has to be spicy

because they're Indian

I'm not trying to be prejudiced

but I'm just saying

that's probably what they want so i'm bringing in this chili and uh yeah so i put in um i made

like you normally would a chili you know onion in there um i added scotch bonnet peppers five of

them i poked them with holes and i put them inside and i'm going to be taking them out it's still

slow cooking over there it's been i started it around 6 p.m so about five hours ago and it's

going to be real then man them slow cookers have to wait again that's i've been doing a lot my

my cooking yeah it's it's it's going right now and i had some about an hour uh before the show

started and it's it's it's boss it was boss already really blooming man after you get about

the six or eight hour mark man on low man he'll start blooming man he'll just start

so look i put uh five scotch bonnet peppers very very hot peppers right i put a whole bottle

i put a whole bottle of cholula um i'm not a big fan of the cholula hot sauce but i put a whole

The whole bottle of Cholula.

Oh, the Cholula, that's good.

But it's the chili garlic version of Cholula.

Put a whole bottle of that.

I put some...

Oh, go ahead and look up Tapatio.

Have you ever tried that Tapatio?

Tapatio's good, yeah, but I'm going with Cholula in this case.

But Tapatio's all right.

It's a lot like Cholula.

Yeah, Tapatio's good.

It doesn't have any vinegar.

It's more of a water-based.

Man, it's more smoky.

Yeah, yeah.

It's...

Yeah.

Here, added a whole can of chipotle peppers and adobo sauce.

uh fuck what else did i add cinnamon i added cinnamon and added cayenne pepper

it's it's the bomb or it's a great chili and it's just going to be slow cooking there all night

and then tomorrow then i'll just keep it on heat when i wake up in the morning so it's going to be

the bomb dude i made it cincinnati styles where you put cinnamon i didn't go all out with the

cinnamon i just put a little bit of cinnamon just for a little bit of that cinnamon kick uh change

between so it kind of melds all the heat together it went perfectly exactly how i expected it very

nice i'm real excited about it milkman and i'm really excited about this so i'm gonna be the

first time i started this diet uh i think this is the fourth or fifth week i've lost 35 pounds 34

four pounds uh just about and um tomorrow's gonna be my first day taking a break off of it i'm not

gonna go too crazy but i'm not gonna be staying on plan tomorrow and then uh saturday is a greek

uh greek fest that we're going to so there's gonna be drinking there and stuff so i'm excited

about that so now normally i add beer i or i add a dark i don't my wife normally adds a dark beer

like a yingling or something to the uh chili uh but we for we wanted to forego that this time

because we didn't want to get too um in case any of them aren't drinkers you know we didn't know

they'd be cool with that but if it was a personal chili we'd be putting uh some beer in there

definitely helps out well the alcohol would actually evaporate it's just what's left over

is the flavoring from you know the different grains but you know you got a point but this

thing is going to be spicy as hell i mean my mouth still is kind of tingly right now so i'm

liking it anyway let's look at some more prank call requests here tristan saying gay and lesbian

immigration task force the guy is 78 and hilarious okay gay and lesbian immigration task force so

what's their position i'm confused are they against gay and lesbian immigrants are they gay

and lesbians against immigrants are they pro either of those are against them what's their

position tristan let me know before i call them i'm confused i'm interested i'm curious it sounds

Sounds good.

Send me a message.

Let me know what you know about them or nothing, and then regardless, I'll call.

Nunu says local elections in the U.K. today.

They are counting the papers right now.

May thing is the election for London mayor.

All right.

Mayor of London.

Good deal.

All right.

Nunu, we can go ahead and op Nunu now.

I feel bad.

All right.

He had his time out.

I guess he's been doing good on his time out.

Go ahead.

Here, Nunu, you're back in the game.

All right, all right.

buy some off of Amazon

what's that the ghost pepper

are you talking about

the ghost pepper

I saw someone

eating a ghost pepper

on YouTube

and it looked really bad

really really like

fucking painful

what the hell

is ghost pepper man

that's a new one

I have not heard that one

it's like

an Indian genetically

created to be

the most hottest pepper

you can get

on the Scoville rating

oh

I didn't know

okay

engineered for the

super hot one

that's what they use

okay I was thinking

of trauma

they use that

in the pepper now

I don't know

but this guy

ate a ghost pepper

and and yeah look it up if you go go on youtube look there's this guy the big dude and he does it

he has a glass of milk with him too i guess because i i didn't know that but i guess if

you're eating something hot milk is the best thing to have with it uh it's a kill the fire

yeah all right scotland says boris there's a boris running for mayor is that yeah no no let

me know who's running for all right uh tristan aka sooty says he called him that we called him

the other day he helps people come here who are gay

but he's such a queen that his boyfriend

is Asian. Okay, cool.

We're going to be calling George Takei's boyfriend

here. Gay and Lesbian Immigrant

Task Force. Let's do it.

Hello, Travis. Yes, hello.

Is this the

task force that I'm speaking

with? Yes. Gay and Lesbian

Immigrants. Alright, hi. My name

is Valente and I

am... I ran into the garden so I'm sorry

I was exhausted. Oh, you're running from

From the garden?

Hello?

Yes, you're what?

I said I ran into my garden.

I'm popping.

Oh, yeah?

What are you planting?

Your peppers?

What do you have in your garden?

How's your garden doing, honey?

Hello?

Yes, hi.

I'm calling to make a report about some immigrants

that I've caught here on the border.

They're homosexuals,

and I understand that you guys are a task force

to stop them from coming in the country.

I'm giving you a call to help out.

Yeah, yeah.

Yes?

Hello?

I don't quite understand what you said.

We've caught some homosexual immigrants at the Australian border.

Do you have a problem or something?

What's wrong with you?

I help Australians get their partners here from overseas.

Okay, well, we're trying to get them in trouble for coming over,

so we're looking for some help with that.

No, I can't see how I can help you.

If you're in certain forms in love with an American,

then I guess I'll get the American here to be a permanent resident, and that's it.

Okay, I don't really understand your stupid language.

Maybe you don't speak English because you have the Australian thing.

I appreciate you speaking English to me because I'm American.

I know you're trying hard.

This isn't your native language.

Thank you.

I appreciate that.

Thank you, sir.

What do you suggest we do with these homosexuals that we've caught who are immigrants?

Normally we would abuse them.

I don't know if you have any idea of something we could do with them instead of doing that.

I've got no idea.

Yeah, look, I'll give you a phone number of a guy in Sydney that's probably more experienced.

You might be talking in German or Dutch or French.

I just don't know what you're talking about.

What do you mean you don't understand what I'm talking about?

I'm speaking American English.

Yes, I know you are, but I don't mean the way you're speaking.

I'm talking about what you're talking about, the subject.

Well, you're stupid.

I'm talking about the subject.

I don't quite get what you're getting at at all.

Well, are you calling me stupid because I'm talking about food?

I called trying to be nice, talk about food, about your garden,

and you were mean and nasty to me.

You're mean and nasty like any, you're like a typical homosexual man.

Well, thank you very fucking much.

Goodbye.

I was just going to give you a number and send you the ring,

but now you can get stuff.

You're very fucking rude.

It was very saucy, man.

He's telling you about how he loses dentures, he's so angry.

It's a video feed.

I blocked it for moving up.

Give it five seconds, four, three, two, one.

The chat room is down with the video.

Video's back up, Milkman, all right?

Already keeps calling myself.

Hello?

Yeah, what happened with the phone, buddy?

Hey.

Well, I don't know.

My mobile phone's ringing.

I don't know.

Look, how about you ring David Moss in Sydney on O2?

Did your teeth fall out?

I'm sorry.

Maybe that's why I don't understand you.

Did you want to put your teeth in, honey?

Look, do you want to...

How about you call David Moss?

This is Glyniff, New South Wales, in Sydney, right?

having trouble maybe because you need to put your teeth in milkman can you tell him we're not playing

games here please hey listen we are not playing games granny call david lost on o2 who oh no no

sorry that's sydney you see look at this overseas you see you hear how stupid he is he doesn't even

know how to give phone numbers out oh my god typical rude homosexual man rude mean homosexual

Homosexual man, like always.

They're always so cocky.

Hang on.

All right, let him be.

He's trying to get through again.

Hang on.

Nunu's Welsh?

Wow, there were some of the most abusive ones in medieval times, I understand.

We'll give it another five seconds here.

Five, four, three, two, one, and zero.

Hey, did you hear about that guy committing suicide?

That guy was in, I guess, yesterday?

He used to be in Rams?

Lambs?

The guy who ate lamb?

What about Blair?

Yeah.

He's, like, right in his 40s.

What are you talking about?

What?

Yeah, man.

I guess he...

What am I...

He told me about...

I'm signing somebody.

I can't remember his last name, but, uh...

He committed suicide.

He's, like, he used to be in the Rams.

Oh, Junior So you're talking about?

Yeah, yeah.

It was fucked up, man.

So, is it suicide?

What the fuck, man?

Yeah, he was, um...

He was old as hell when he was playing last.

I think he played, like...

Wasn't he on the Patriots team from, like, 2004?

2005. It wasn't that long

ago. He was still playing. He was kind of old.

For a football player, NFL players,

usually they don't play that long. It's hard

on their bodies. Yeah, man, but I mean,

man, I just can't understand. I mean,

I know it sucks when you lose your money, but

killing yourself, that's really pretty drastic.

Pretty permanent.

Hello? That number's not coming through anymore.

Artie wants you to call him. He says he has Riley Martin's

number and just confirmed it. Oh, that's

right. He keeps calling in

Artie. Let's get Artie on the line. Everyone

hold your ears. Milkman, don't be mean to

the rdra he's kind of slow you know he is right yeah you just come to don't yell so much and that's

okay we'll try i'll let me try from the beginning i'll try to tell him don't yell so much talking

his inside voice it's not gonna work but okay we'll try it hey man i got a number for you to

prank all right riley martin yep the riley martin i confirmed it a few minutes ago so how are you

gonna get it to me then smart guy i can say it you can't say it's gonna go out on the air yeah

Yeah, I know.

Riley, did you know he was on TV recently?

For what?

You ever heard of Deer Deck?

No.

Never heard of that.

It's on MTV.

No.

What was he doing on there?

This guy, Rob Deer Deck, he's a national skateboarder,

and his actual company is called Alien Workshop.

Okay.

So he thought maybe he'd been abducted by aliens and forgot about it,

so he brought Riley Martin on his show.

Oh, what did Riley say?

He was like, aw.

He brought a symbol.

I thought he ran out of symbols last time.

No, he had a whole fucking book full of symbols.

Oh, wow.

I heard he wasn't selling them anymore, that they were out.

That's funny.

And the funny thing was, like, Rob showed him a bunch of skateboards he designed,

and Riley had identified part of it as, like, Biavian shit.

It was kind of funny.

Okay.

Anyway, so, seriously, give me the number, or we're going to end the call.

What's going on?

All right, I'll text it to you.

All right.

I'll mute, though.

Okay.

There's a lot of commentary on Artie in the chat room.

He's laughing.

The name of the show is Artie Shut the Fuck Up, Scotland says.

Ken says name of the show Artie Had to Get Off the K2.

UK Ted, who the blueberry cunt fuck?

Oh, man, I will go for a blueberry cunt right now.

You know, a girl who's got a nice blueberry-smelling cunt, nice fruity smell.

Damn, I've never tried that, but, man, I'll tell you what, that blueberry indica shit is fucking bomb.

Blueberry cunt fucker.

Who the blueberry cunt fucker is Riley Martin?

Man, I ain't no thunderfuck, but boy, is he a killer, dude.

While we wait on that to come through,

let's go ahead and give a call to the Turkish horse

and see what he's been up to lately.

We haven't talked to him in a while, huh?

Oh, God, you know.

He's there in your part of town, Northman.

Yeah, dude, I'm going to be up there.

I'm going to head up by there in the next 15 minutes.

I'll be right in his neighborhood, too, man.

I'll flip him the bird.

They probably cut my arm off if I did that.

Turkish Richard?

Yes, hi.

I need to speak to the manager.

I'm calling back about the inspection.

He's not here today.

When is he coming in?

Tomorrow morning.

What time?

When did he leave today?

After nine.

After nine?

Yeah.

There's a problem then if he's not there to answer these questions.

Hello?

There's a problem there if he's not here to answer the questions.

What kind of business is this?

I cannot hear you very well, sir.

What kind of business is this?

What?

What kind of business is this where the stupid owner isn't there, the stupid people?

Put him on the phone. I hear him in the back. Put him on.

I command you to put him on. I am a man.

And in your culture, I tell you what to do and you do it.

Listen, I know your culture and I know if a man tells you to do something, you have to do it.

Now put him on the phone right now.

Don't you call me stupid, woman.

I want to make an order.

I am not taking your order.

I want a sandwich.

Make a sandwich for me.

And I'm not paying.

Go tell your mom.

She'll give you.

Go clean my kitchen and my bathroom, woman.

Stupid.

Go clean my bathroom.

Motherfuckers.

Clean my...

She's like a female version of him.

Wow.

That was cool.

And for the record, I am off K2.

Oh, good.

Good.

I'm happy you are.

She's pretty damn saucy.

I like her.

She's a lot of fun.

She's like a female version of him.

Wow.

Saucy.

Listen, don't get saucy with me.

Go, you can do for you.

How many sisters you have?

I will kiss them all.

And you can kiss your sister also, too.

I'll call police.

Shut up.

You and the police.

The police doesn't care about you people.

Oh, really?

No.

Okay, then see you soon.

Listen, Milkman, tell her we're not playing games.

We ain't playing, you motherfucker.

Already got that number to me yet, coño?

I just texted him.

Oh, man, I dropped the phone on the floor.

Thanks a lot, Artie.

I actually found all his numbers.

How'd you get them?

Through my years at Syndicate.

You should have been using them then.

What's going on?

Do you have high-pitched Eric's number?

No, but I have a number that may be Joey Boots.

I wouldn't really know how to confirm it.

I don't like Joey Boots.

He looks like he smells like he takes dirty shit, smelly shit.

Why don't you tell him that?

Okay, give me the number then.

I'll tell him.

But I was so sad.

You know why?

Why?

I tried to confirm the Gary the Retard numbers, and they're not good anymore.

Who else you got?

Tell me who you got.

I'll tell you who I want to talk to.

Go Joy Boots.

Well, no, those are the only good.

Riley Martin's the only one that still works.

I had Eve the Queefer.

Oh, Eve the Queefer.

Is she the one that used to be on Syndicate a lot?

Yeah.

Oh, she was really nice, actually, Eve.

She was cool.

She was nice.

She did a prank with us, actually, I thought.

Yeah, she did.

Or she was queefing on the phone, I think, didn't she?

She was really hot.

Yeah, she did.

She was really sexy, actually.

Yeah, she had some pretty good talent there.

Yeah, she did.

God.

She talked a lot, I remember.

I remember she'd be on the phone.

She'd be on...

She was funny as fuck.

She'd be like...

Go ahead.

Let's hear that.

I want to hear a queef.

No.

What do I tell Riley Martin, though?

I don't know what to tell him.

Cool, don't talk, Artie.

All right.

Hung right up, Artie.

Why would he do that?

He's not very intelligent.

It's not very nice of him to do that.

I'm going to tell him that, too.

Probably won't answer.

Let's try.

Perhaps you will bleed a million feet of film that's been taken above Mexico City and various other...

If you think that you are alone in this universe, you are the guardians of this universe.

You are rudely mistaken.

Took a physical odyssey through the borders of Shabazz with the shamans of the Cherokees.

Arrived in the...

No, he don't want to talk.

He doesn't want to talk to me.

That's weird.

He talked to me earlier.

What did you say to him?

I just asked for someone named Jim.

And what did he say?

No, no.

He's like, oh, sorry, must have the wrong number.

I'm like, okay, thank you.

He wouldn't even answer now, man.

That's not nice.

I don't know what I'd give him a talking to.

Maybe it's the area code.

Wait, does it come up unknown?

Oh, well, maybe it's coming up on Skype for him unknown.

He just hangs it up.

He probably hails collectors and stuff too, right?

Well, he probably has people freaking him.

Yeah.

Yes, hello, Brother Martin.

Yes, hi, I had a question.

My name is Cross, and you're on my show.

I was curious.

Is it true that Elijah Muhammad and Malcolm X are in a spaceship around Jupiter?

No, that's good.

Well, Elijah Muhammad.

And who are you?

This is Cross.

I'm Cross.

I'm on the Valente and Associates radio show.

But if you want to talk to me, kid, call and set it up.

Look, don't be rude.

Don't be rude and mean and nasty to me, you crazy old coot.

I shouldn't have told him I was on the radio.

Holy shit, boy.

Boy, he's really funny.

That's so very good.

That's awesome.

Is it true Elijah Maugham and Malcolm X are in a spaceship?

What?

Now you want to answer.

He just hangs up.

Oh, boy.

That's one of the most unmistakable voices out there.

I know.

That's one of those voices, man.

Him.

He's got one of those voices.

You can't not know who that is when you hear it.

That was horrible, though.

I should not have told him it was a radio show.

He's like, oh, forget that.

My bad on me.

Call him back later, and I'll talk to him.

What I do is I spook him as his area code.

All right.

Lonesome is sending in numbers.

Your friend, Lonesome Loser.

Artie?

Yeah, he's a cool dude.

Artie, does your mom or dad make a special chili?

Chili?

Yeah, do they make chili?

Do they have a special recipe?

They've made chili, I believe, in the past.

Do they have a special recipe for anything?

Like your daddy's like, oh, I'll make this special.

There's Grandma Jean's potato salad recipe.

okay and what's in it bomb as fuck it's it's good what's in it potatoes mayonnaise yeah but it tastes

good it tastes good that's good man that's cool let me think there's also um oh my mom makes this

egg dish okay um she usually makes it on holidays and shit it's like eggs bacon and she puts bread

in it and like the bread and the egg mix it's got like this really cool consistency egg bread and

and bacon it sounds like breakfast to me but i don't know to casserole yeah for breakfast okay

all right and cheese sounds the bomb yo awesome can't forget cheese cheese also cheese man fuck

yeah cheese man yeah all right without the croissant all right let's continue doing a show

here already i like your your volume is normal for some reason what's going on i didn't expect

I have the phone at, like, a 45-degree angle.

Oh, there you go.

Good.

Wow.

Keep doing that.

Amazing.

You're holding the phone like a normal person.

We got a number for Joe.

Call and see if he's getting ready for the Fantasy Football League already in May?

Okay.

All right, Joe.

Call Joe.

Ask him if he's getting ready for Fantasy Football League.

And this is the name of the company or name or company is Draft Picks.

I don't get it.

Is that a name?

Is it the business?

Let's see.

Here we go.

Are you going to be in the Fantasy Football League this year, Milkman?

Are you going to make it?

Yeah, just let me know ahead of time, and I will, dude.

All right.

There you go.

Artie was in it.

Get Peyton Manning.

Yeah, I'm in it.

Artie, get Peyton Manning.

Yeah.

Well, Peyton Manning is going to be playing.

Who did he go to again?

Denver.

Denver, right?

Yeah.

I say he's going to suck.

And Tebow went to the Jets?

The fucking Jets.

I bet living in New York, he gets caught with a hooker.

Yeah, he's going to fuck up.

Yeah, you think, right?

You think he's going to be his downfall in New York?

I've got to get a good little impression of him

because I could do some funny stand-up with that.

Okay, well, there you go.

Hey, guys, let's go out and play 45 minutes of football,

then I'll play for 15 minutes.

Joe speaking.

Yes, hi, Joe.

I wanted to see if you were ready for the fantasy football.

We're holding a mock draft this weekend.

This weekend?

Yeah, we're going to hold a mock draft,

so I don't know if you're interested.

Maybe you have to talk to the man who runs around here.

He's not in right now.

Is this Joe?

Yeah.

I'm supposed to talk to Joe about the mock draft this weekend.

I'm coming.

Really?

Mock draft, huh?

Mock draft is going to be this weekend.

Yeah, we're going to be doing it there.

We've got about 70 people coming in.

We need Wi-Fi for everybody.

Joe, who told you to talk to me?

Bill.

Bill's with the league.

Yeah, he said that you had it all set up.

I'm the leader.

He said he set it up with you.

He gave me the 50% coupon off the Internet.

No, he hasn't done none of that.

I don't know where he's coming from on that one.

I haven't gotten into fantasy football in years.

What are your specials then?

God damn it.

Fuck.

Excuse me?

What specials do you have?

Oh, I have a lot of questions, but now's not the time.

No, what specials do you have?

Horse!

Have a good night, bud.

I wasn't going anywhere, so I'm just horse-to-

Oh, Carlito.

What?

Is there a way to correctly talk to a woman about a stinky box?

We talked about this last week on the show.

What were the ideas, Milkman?

What did we say?

I forgot.

God, listen to the last podcast.

We had some suggestions for you already.

No, we didn't, but we talked about your girlfriend who's got this stinky pussy.

I actually talked to her, right, because I left my laptop charger there.

Yeah?

She said she'd been calling me and texting me for the whole week previously,

thinking I was ignoring her.

And yet I had not one call or text.

All right, did you tell her it was because of her smelly vagina?

No, I actually told her I wanted to be friends.

Milkman, what did we say?

We said you should tell her that you prefer a girl who's shaved down there

and then take a shower with her.

I'll dress your washer and blast that stuff clean.

Shower.

Oof.

Well, she needs a...

I could do a car wash.

This is Kelly.

How may I help you?

Yeah, Joe's supposed to get us ready for the mock draft on Saturday.

Oh, just laugh.

Well, listen.

I got news for you.

Horse, okay?

Horse.

Okay, what is that supposed to mean?

Horse.

Horse, horse, horse, horse, horse.

Joe's gone, so there we go.

No more pranks there.

there but yeah both my cousin and um tasha told me that it was just an attention whore because

she has a smelly vagina oh because she said she was calling me and that she didn't believe me and

shit yeah well tasha's just dragging you along anyway well my cousin's not i don't know that's

the first thing they both said your cousin's kind of hot kathy says she is an old europe we got a

kathy rather who's an old european lady we can ask her about all the cons her last name is cont

Call her an old cunt and ask her about her little cunts.

Excellent.

This is in South Carolina.

Artie, I'm excited about this.

Artie, do you want to do any prank calls tonight, or are you just here for the ride?

Yeah, I want to do some pranks.

Okay, cool, cool.

Artie, I don't know what you need to do about the Smiley Vagina Girl, but you need to do it fast.

Oh, my God.

I met Ben Faber's ex a year ago, and she was 12.

What?

Maybe she has a blue wall.

Hello?

Yeah.

Is this Kathy Cunt?

Yeah.

How are you doing?

How are your little cunts doing?

Good.

That's good.

All the little cunts are good.

All the cunts are good.

Nice and good.

And you're an old cunt now?

Um.

You're the old cunt named Kathy.

Oh, that's great.

That's great.

And your teeth, are those healthy now?

Nice teeth?

My what?

Your teeth are healthy.

Are they good looking, healthy teeth?

Yes.

Well, we'll clean your teeth for you if you'd like.

You have what?

I'll clean your teeth for you.

I'll clean your teeth.

if you want oh i don't need them i'll give you a clean tooth cleaning is very important how many

times do you brush your teeth a day i go every every four months to the dentist i don't need

any teeth cleaning you brush your teeth every four months no that's what you just said you

crazy old lady i said i go to the dentist yeah but you only brush your teeth when you go to the

dentist okay i understand so that's like about once every four months that's not good oh no you

You don't understand.

Listen, I don't have time for this kind of stuff.

Listen, horse.

Horse.

Okay?

Ms. Contra, are you there?

Oh, is she gone?

Oh, and I have another confirmed number for this guy named Mike.

Okay.

He's from Brooklyn, and I always used to fuck with him a lot.

Uh, how did you know him?

I don't know how I got the number, actually.

I think it was from this chick I was dating.

Okay.

But, um, one time he threatened to stick a fucking pipe in my ass.

How so?

For why?

Just, like, what kind of pipe, anyway?

Like, uh...

I don't know, buddy.

And he's like, yeah, I'm going to come over and stick a fucking pipe in your ass.

Is it like a marijuana smoking pipe or what's going on?

I think so.

I don't even know.

I didn't ask.

He hung up shortly after.

God, man.

I don't get it.

And then I'm like, oh, I think I'd like that.

And he called me a thag, shit-pushing motherfucker.

Wow.

I wanted to share this news item that I saw this morning.

I woke up and I was making coffee, feeding the cats, Milkman.

You know how that is.

Getting ready for work.

Yes, sir.

Okay.

And crazy thing came on the news.

Pennsylvania State Police arrested a man, supposedly.

He broke into a barn and performed oral sex on a horse.

And he got caught and arrested.

And is it really?

Do you think the horse gets?

Yeah.

Exactly.

Oh, I need the horse sound effect, right?

Yeah, I'm working on a new soundboard.

I only have two new sounds, but here's one of them.

There's one right there, see?

Are you sure you heard that on the news, Carly Doe?

No.

Is that just something that you may have lived out?

I got arrested.

Did you send me a new number?

There's a lot of comments flying around here about Artie in the chat.

Okay, good.

Good for them.

Artie, so if you get this girl with a stinky pussy and she comes up to you and she says this.

Kiss my pussy.

What are you going to do?

Fuck you.

What does she ask you that?

Seriously.

When I kissed her, too, her breath literally tasted like shit.

Wow.

Just stop calling her and shit, man.

Just get your laptop.

Is she holding your laptop charger hostage?

Hostage?

No, she actually overnighted it.

Oh, wow.

There you go.

I told her not to overnight it.

It doesn't need to be here right this second.

But I gave her my parents' address.

Crazy.

All right.

We got the news story about there's an election in London in the U.K.,

London mayor election.

We're going to call people and mess with them.

There's a man here who was touching little kids.

Noonie wants us to call.

I don't really feel comfortable with that, but we could.

we got the ninja restaurant here from lonesome loser the ninja restaurant cool vernon quaint

quaint acquaintance oh that's the guy that was caught touching young kids okay all right cool

all right london mayor election is basically between boris and ken and both are pretty

strange boris is eccentric rich and blah blah blah ken is an alcoholic communist who doesn't

like jews has three wives and hangs out with extreme muslims nice perfect sounds like a great

like a great thing let's see if 772927 picks up did you hear that prank already what's prank

we call the old lady who kept saying her phone number 772927 no i never heard that one oh man

you missed it you have internet yet and shit are you able to catch the podcast at all or no

no internet okay gotcha what'd you say already did you say something all right

already a bastard

whatever

no command are you there

yes hi

good

yes hello

722927

that's correct

is this Mr. Batchelor

I'm Mr. Batchelor yes

oh great I'm calling on behalf of the

United Kingdom voter registration

and elections machine department

Oh, great.

We're calling to confirm that we don't have you down as we have you down as having not coming in to vote,

and we want to know what the problem was.

Can you say that again?

We have you down that you didn't come in to vote.

Today was the election.

You have, have you?

Yeah, why did you not come to vote?

Why did you ring at this time of the morning?

Well, the computer report is being printed out now of all the people who didn't vote,

so we're reminding you you have...

Can you tell me the name of the constituency in which you think I should vote?

Well, you failed to vote inside the major constituency, which is between Boris and Ken and the London mayors, for London mayor.

I see.

Yes.

And you think this is a good time of day to ring up and tell me that?

Well, we're paid by the United Kingdom government to make these phone calls to tell people that if they don't vote, they're going to be fined several thousand pounds.

Well, how fast forward is a very good time to tell people they're going to be fined?

Well, you have until 6 o'clock in the morning to cast your vote.

We'd like you to come down.

that we're going to have a voting car, voting vehicle machine

that's going to be coming through the neighborhood?

Well, I'll tell you what.

That's going to be your last chance to vote, sir, in the election.

There's a car, there's a van coming through with a voting machine inside,

and you need to vote.

Well, you better send the police to pick me up then.

No, listen, we will if we have to.

We're going to drag you out in your underwears.

Actually, I'd rather enjoy that.

Would you?

Yeah.

Yeah, you probably would.

A pervert, sick pervert like you who doesn't even vote.

The unfortunate thing from your point of view is that I am not registered to vote for Boris or Ken.

Well, that's the problem.

That's the problem here.

You're not even registered to vote like you should.

And basically, you're forfeiting your rights.

You're forfeiting your rights as a United Kingdom subject of the king.

You're not going to tell me, of course, who you are and what you're doing.

Is your wife there?

Can I talk to your wife?

I seriously didn't want to talk to him.

I want to talk to the wife.

Try to call back.

i think it's off the hook now yeah busy the king give me a moment while i reconnect evil

artist you guys are all excited about that one i wanted to mention the new the on the madhouse

web page we got the shoutcast uh stream going now it's been under some testing over the week

uh but i've got it going pretty good so right now the way it's set up it has four shows and

four shows a day at midnight 6 a.m noon and 6 p.m eastern standard time you can catch a madhouse show

in its entirety uh in between pranks and between shows or prank calls by myself and the rest of

the madhouse crew phone losers uh we got some uh pranks from uh sean ward new new dr lego jen

Stewart of course

Big Tuck we got those pranks

there a few others

at 4.20am

and 4.20pm

the stream takes

a smoke break and you'll hear

a Bob Marley song

that's twice a day at the 4.20s

and also

I set it up so

I recommend folks

on Monday nights

and these are all

times are all eastern

on monday nights at 7 p.m uh the black on black show which is on howard stern 101 it's the only

good show that's left on the howard stern channels if you ask me very funny show two black guys just

get on there and argue with each other for two hours or for one hour rather i uh i've been playing

that show huh oh dude it's awesome the black on black show and i got a set up that actually

simulcasts on the manhouse station i highly recommend that this is good radio just hear

hear them arguing with each other monday at what time eight o'clock p.m eastern seven eastern seven

to eight eastern yeah check that out yeah simulcast said the black on black show uh from

the howard stern studios i don't get any of that shit so that'd be cool at least i could hear it

that way yeah and if you have any prank calls you want to include uh hit me up on manhouseradio

at gmail.com let me know and i'll set you up uh so you can get me some prank calls i'll add them

to the rotation there that'll be really cool um also wanted to apologize we're having trouble

with the forums the forums took a shit and they uh accidentally canceled the accounts

an error of a few people uh i'm working on getting it fixed but it's not looking good

you might if you were affected by that bug you might have to re-register under a different name

i'm very sorry guys it sucks but it did happen it affected lucy feel more johnny brennan hey

Hey, you already.

TV off.

It's okay.

I was masturbating.

Watching pornography, huh?

No, I'm kidding.

I was watching Pauly T.

You ever watch porno with a girl like Natasha?

You ever watch porno with her?

Yeah, once.

I actually freaked her out.

You freaked her out?

Yeah.

You remember that?

First time she was at my house.

Oh, yeah.

She called her dad to come pick her up?

Yeah.

Oh, boy.

Did you push the porno on her or what happened?

No, like, we were going through my computer, and she saw a bulb.

Okay.

And that's where my 200 gigs of...

Right.

She wanted to go through my idea.

Well, I mean, the girl starts watching porn with you.

You think, right?

You're golden.

You're in.

Right?

She's putting a sign on there.

I mean, that's the definition of mixed messages.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Oh, women, now you're learning.

You're learning.

I know that was about two years ago, but still.

Okay.

So was it...

I learned something with this new chick, though.

Was it kiddie porn, or what was it?

What happened?

Oh, it was just...

I don't know.

It was...

It might have been kiddie porn.

Okay, gotcha.

It wasn't pity porn.

Oh, okay, all right.

But I think it was Big Titch.

Nice.

This chick that works full.

Okay, thank you.

I got my dick sucked by a stinky pussy woman.

There you go.

Art, do you want to do a prank called a barbecue place?

What's it called?

Herman's Barbecue.

Yeah, I'll go in.

I mean, I'll do the prank.

I got an idea.

It's in Simi Valley, California.

I don't know how you pronounce it.

Simi?

Simi.

Simi Valley.

Yeah, tiny L.A.

There you go.

All right, cool.

Well, already good luck, man.

There you go.

Video feed's going down for about two minutes.

Don't freak out.

Oh, bass in the number also we can do.

Barbecue place?

The barbecue place?

Oh, fuck you, dude.

You got the wrong number, dude.

No, I don't.

I want to talk to you a little bit.

What?

I want to talk to you a little bit.

Oh, keep talking.

I'll put you on hold.

Okay, that sounds hot.

Are you going to put me on hold?

Are you going to hold his balls in your hand?

He bagged the prank hamster.

He's gone.

He was kind of nasty in the room.

I thought he was like Frank Hamster.

He was kind of funny.

He is.

Dude.

Was that Frank Hamster?

No.

Was that Frank Hamster?

He's the Frank Hamster.

Dude.

Frank Hamster.

Dude.

We are not available now.

Please leave your name and phone number.

Let's try Riley again.

Uh, no.

I don't want to call Riley.

You want to call him?

He does my voice.

Does he?

You call him a lot?

Yeah.

I'm with him.

Oh, hello.

He hung up.

He picked up for a little bit, listened, and hung up.

Was that Riley?

Yeah, that was Riley.

Uh-huh.

Sorry.

Here's a plumbing place.

Artie, if you'll have to call them, do you have any ideas for a plumbing place, or do you want to pass on that?

Yeah, I'll pass.

I could do my usual thing where I call the plumber to come clean my toilet.

There's too much shit in there.

I just say.

I get it confused.

You get it?

You call a plumber instead of telling them to fix the toilet.

Oh, this is dirty.

My mom's coming to visit.

Is this plumber?

Yes.

Oh, hi.

I was calling to see if you could come.

I have an emergency with the toilet machine.

It's not bright right now.

It's completely off, and I need to have it fixed.

Tonight?

Immediately, yes.

My mother's going to be coming home, and she can't see the toilet like this.

It's in bad shape.

Where are you at?

Let's see.

You know where the Taco Bell is?

Taco Bell, eh?

Yeah, near the Taco Bell.

You're in Los Angeles or South America?

Well, you know the Taco Bell, right?

right taco bell yeah which one uh let me think here you when you come down that way there's kind

of there's a mcdonald's along the way you know i'm talking about city are you in well i'm i'm

kind of near well agora hills right on canaan road there's the taco bell on canaan you know

what it is off of uh yeah yeah over there over there oh geez well i'm kind of new here there's

There's the U.S. Bank, Starbucks, where the star is, CVS and all that.

Yeah, I don't normally do emergency work.

But listen, this is an emergency, please.

I need you to help me.

I need you to bring all your cleaning things to clean this.

Yeah, I know.

I don't do it.

I stop at, you know.

Don't.

You should probably call, like, Roto-Rooter or something.

No, no.

No, I need you, okay?

I want you to come here and clean this, please.

Sorry.

Listen, if you don't do it, then my mom's going to come home.

She's going to be mad, okay?

I made a lot of poo in the toilet, and it's not flushing right.

Who is this?

This is Cross.

I live on Trailway Lane.

Now, the biggest problem, see, here's what happened, all right?

My mom left for the night.

She's going to be here any minute, okay?

I had five or six men come over,

and i have a fetish where i have them all use the toilet to take a shit and a piss in the toilet

without flushing it at the same time and they let it all accumulate in there and then i go in i go

in and i mess around with it you know and i take the doo-doo and i i put it on me and i write like

with the i write on it right on myself with it he hung up what an asshole that's a good story

Tell him he's better than Mike Diamond.

Awesome.

Hello, you've reached Bob with Hummin' Plumbing.

Please leave your name and address.

Hey, we went to Taco Bell first.

And then we all took a shit and pissed in the toilet.

And then I went in there and played with it like they're toys.

I play with the turds like they're G.I. Joes.

Oh, man.

This guy isn't better than Mike Diamond.

Who's Mike Diamond?

Who are you talking about?

In L.A., they got this commercial all the time.

Mike Diamond is a smell-good plumber.

Don't invite Bubba, the stinky plumber.

I'm a stinky plumber.

Is that on the radio?

Yeah, dude, it's everywhere, man.

Everybody, they always talk about Mike Diamond's plumbing,

the work cologne, or what the fuck.

We're smelling good.

All right.

The smell-good plumber, yeah.

Whatever, man.

Whatever works for you guys.

I just came up with a new prank thing.

Yeah, it's always on the radio and shit.

They advertise that shit constantly.

Sounds good.

I got like a $99 clear-any-plumbing problem special,

except those listed on the website.

All right, cool.

Kick ass.

Where's all your British friends?

Oh, you're in the chat room, EvilRD?

No, I mean, you usually have at least one British guy on.

No, no, no.

Oh, the last hour of the show, in about five, ten minutes,

we're going to open up the phone lines, the Skype lines,

so our British friends can be on if they want to.

They don't even care about the show anymore.

This is Baz's number.

This is the Chinese machine.

What?

The Chinese food machine.

Oh, this one. This is the restaurant.

Yeah, you have a machine there that makes the food?

No, we don't have machines.

We use people to cook the food.

Oh, good, good.

Thank God, yeah, because machines and robots are just taking everything these days, right?

What does it mean?

What do you want?

Computers and machines took my job and everything.

I want to make an order for food.

I'm happy that it's real people that are doing it, real stupid Chinese people.

Okay, yeah, what do you like?

Stupid Chinese horse.

What?

I'd like to make, do you have a Genoso chicken?

Yes, yeah.

All right, now, so you take the chicken, right, and we put that in.

Do you have a wok?

Is that what you use?

Mm-hmm.

You take the chicken.

No, you don't use computers to do it.

Huh?

No, no.

You don't use computers.

No machine here.

Oh, no.

All men doing the work.

The stupid Chinese person horse.

Hmm?

Hello?

Yes.

All right, so what we do is you take the chicken and put it in the wok.

Do you use oil there, peanut oil, or what do you use?

salad oil all right so we put some salad oil a chicken and then there's like a sauce that you

put on that there's a come already made the sauce yeah yeah all right and then you put the rice

inside the wok and everything and you mix it all together in a fire all right and then what do we

do then how do you package it in a box or a tray box yeah paper box all right so then i take the

box what i open it and you want to have these with like a spoon then i eat the food with a spoon

I chew it up, I swallow the food

It goes down my esophagus right into my stomach

And I digest

I don't think that this is the one you like

Okay, thanks anyway

This is Chinese food, right?

God

I was trying to get to the shit in the toilet

Yeah, so let's make an order

Okay

General Tso Chicken

Stupid Chinese

Which one?

Uh-huh, number 22

Number 22

Number 65

65.

One second.

Sorry.

Okay.

Let me see.

Okay.

Number 22.

It's Kung Pao Fish?

Yes.

It's 22, right?

Yes.

Kung Pao Fish.

Okay.

Chinga Tu Male Wey.

Which one?

Chinga Tu Male Wey.

Okay.

One second.

But I don't know.

I can't hear.

I can't understand what you mean.

Okay.

Hello.

Huh?

Chinga Tu Male Wey.

Yes.

Hi.

Hi, this is General Tso Chicken, right?

General Tso Chicken, yeah, I got it already, okay.

I got more fish here, okay.

And then, after I ate the fish, how long do I have to take a shit in the toilet?

10 minutes, probably 10 minutes, okay?

Wait a minute, how long until you go to the toilet and you take a shit in the toilet?

Do you know what I mean?

So, what did you say?

Do you know what a toilet is?

Do you have a toilet there?

They're all confused.

What did you say?

You know, the people saying that Chinga Tsu Malawi is Spanish.

why would charlie be saying spanish to me it doesn't make any sense why would he be saying

spanish he's in hawaii they don't really talk spanish in hawaii anyway right the only thing

he knows how to say man like i know if if he was in like if he was in la he'd be like oh this is

one of those mexicans calling me let me say chinga tu madre but it's not chinga tu madre he's saying

i thought it was the first few times it's chinga tu male way we still don't know what it means we

don't know if it's cantonese or mandarin or if it's another dialect from from china we don't

know what it is. We just know he says

Chinga Tumali with us.

Yeah, yeah.

We just know he says Chinga Tumali with us

and I'm confused and I wish I knew.

I wish I had an answer to that question,

guys. I try to get an answer to that.

But he never tells me.

And then I come here and I do

the show and you people are rude and nasty to me

about it all the time and, you know,

being cooperative when we do the show

that is suspended.

Come on.

Let's call him. I'm being stupid.

stupid. Let's call him. I'm just joking, guys.

I'm joking, listeners

and chatters. We're not playing games.

Milkman, tell him we're not playing games. Milkman.

Charlie. Who is that?

Hey, it's Cross. Please tell me.

Chinga Tumalewe. Is that

Mandarin, Cantonese? What language

is that? Huh?

What language is Chinga

Tumalewe? Is it Mandarin?

Yes. Is it Mandarin,

Cantonese? What is it? No, it's Mexican.

It's not Mexican.

Yeah, Chinga Tumalewe is Mexican.

Chinga tu madre, you stupid.

Chinga tu madre, wey.

Understand?

What do you mean, wey?

There's no such thing as wey.

Fuck you, you son of a bitch.

Fuck you.

Chinga tu madre, you.

You fucking.

Chinga tu madre.

Fine, you guys are right.

It is Mexican.

You can't say the rey very good.

So you start saying, you know, wey.

What is he saying, wey?

What is he trying to say?

He's trying to say madre, and he's saying madre, wey.

Is chinga tu madre, wey, instead of chinga tu madre, madre?

Yeah, right. He can't even pronounce it correctly.

God, is he stupid.

And it's not Mexican, it's Spanish.

He's really fucking racist.

Let me tell him he's racist.

Let me see if he answers. I'll tell him he's racist.

That's how he says chinga tu madre.

So I was right from like two years ago

when he first said that.

He's like, is he talking Spanish?

Where did he learn Spanish from in Hawaii?

Please

leave your message

how does he know i'm hispanic bad says bad says he must know i am hispanic how did yeah i guess

so how do you know oh wow and what what behooves the chinese man to curse to say screw your mother

in in broken spanish to someone who prank calls him over and over again where did he pick that up

where did he pick that up and why would he have said that to me what a weirdo that guy

god chinga to my way all right ken's on the line hey ken running for me oh we finally figured out

what chinga to my way is it's chinga to madre that sounded chinese as hell to me i don't know

all right no i didn't know i was running for uh mayor over there in london did you

no yeah ken's running for mayor in london did you hear about that milkman

no you didn't all right we got uh caribbean flavor here oh we got a few caribbean places i wonder

What's up with Lonesome?

He's got a problem with Caribbeans.

We love our Caribbeans, man.

Caribbeans.

This one here, starting out, is Aki Bamboo Jamaican Cuisine.

They can be funny, these Jamaicans.

Bamboo class.

Bamboo, hello?

Is this Jamaican stupid people?

Hello?

Is this Jamaican stupid people?

Why did you say that?

I'm trying to make an order for food.

Oh, we close at 8, you know?

What time do you open again, stupid people Jamaican?

What time do they open?

hello mr donkey horse mr jamaican hello all right whoops he didn't like that very much

what did you say that all right that's called joe caribi

what j battle hey j battle all right j battle everybody j battle milkman hung up the phone

j battle grabbed the phone give it up you smashed that shit milkman saw a random black guy i thought

But it was a rapper named J-Battle.

And the man promptly ran off with his phone.

I love it.

Oh, yeah.

What's up, man?

Just stole his shit.

Give me that shit, motherfucker.

I've been talking to Milkman for a couple weeks now.

Motherfucker.

What do you want, Artie?

All right.

Cool.

Bye.

Chinga to Mali way.

That's awesome to think that's what happened.

Oh, yeah, man.

What's up?

Give me that shit.

Crack.

Fucking statue grab.

That's some good shit there.

Fat, ugly, taxi-driving cracker.

Give me that.

All right.

Evil Artie.

Well, let's call Milkman back first.

I can see Milkman fucking driving his taxi down the road like a madman fucking trying to catch him.

No, give me my phone.

Give me my phone.

That's my armado.

Please enjoy the following.

Catch him.

He's got two of his fucking door open.

He just lays the dude out.

Oh, boy.

Yo, what's going on, man?

Hey, Milkman.

Uh-oh.

J-Battle, is that you?

J-Battle.

oh boy is this the whole show hello i got this thing you have a place called evolution auto

no it's in this one in longwood and full flyer sell your car to us we buy cars motorcycles

aircraft golf carts rvs and luxury watches and luxury just throwing luxury watches there okay

cool i just found that funny oh consider really yes sounds like a fucking loan shark i guess

all right i think milkman's still connected he's still trying to fix this fix this thing

uh dirty aaron's here hi dirty no dogs uh here's a number that i see on skype we haven't called

uh since i did the prank man i don't know if some of you remember when we called the

pizza delivery thing and the woman was like you're so stupid i don't know if you remember

that but uh you probably don't remember is that the one the iris yeah one of them no no no same

concept different people oh yeah hi i was calling for jasmine hello yeah is jasmine there yeah

Can you put her on, please?

Oh, sure.

Who's this?

Me.

Who the shit is this?

Who is this stupid person who's answering the phone?

We're tweeting.

What?

Whatever.

Go away.

Yeah, weren't these the people somebody had ordered online?

Yeah.

And she fucking started ripping them.

You're so stupid.

You're so stupid, Jasmine.

Where's Jasmine?

This is Cross.

Put Jasmine on the phone right now.

No, listen.

You said Jasmine is there, you stupid woman.

What is your name?

This is Marvin, and you got the wrong number.

Are you a woman or a man?

I'm a man.

Oh, so you have a penis and two testicles?

Hello?

I'm connecting Jasmine right now.

Aki Bambu, may I help you?

Yes, hi.

I'd like to make an order, please.

You know, I'm a close-up 8 o'clocker.

Oh, is that because you're stupid Jamaican people?

What's that?

Is that because stupid Jamaican people?

Man, go fuck yourself.

What are you talking about?

Stupid Jamaican people that have dirty food there,

and the food falls on the floor, and they put it back in the pot.

Go unscrew yourself.

Shut up.

You stupid monkey asshole.

Come over here, sucker.

Kick your ass.

Suck my cock.

I believe that other dude was on the line.

This is Marvin.

I was like, what the fuck?

Whatever.

Well, Jamaicans are usually nice and polite.

Why would he talk to me like that?

I don't understand.

He didn't get high today.

I guess.

Hey, Milkman.

Are you working yet?

What happened?

We were talking to J-Lo.

What was his name?

Milkman.

J-Battle.

That's what it was.

J-Battle.

J-Lo.

Battle it for your fucking phone.

Milkman.

Is your headset on or off?

Maybe it's just Bluetooth or something.

Milkman, check your Bluetooth.

J-Battle fucking holding Milkman hostage or some shit?

Is this the ransom call?

Milkman?

What the fuck is going on?

Milkman, are you okay?

I don't know, man.

It's fucked up, man.

It froze.

I just heard a bunch of music.

What happened?

Are you okay?

J-Battle raping you?

Is J-Battle raping Milkman?

Oh, no.

Sound some fucking mood music and shit.

Put this music on, man.

Come on, man.

put my cd in we're gonna do this the right way put my cd in man trying to install on skype tonight

can go off now milkman oh boy i don't know what's going on with him i was gonna get mad at us tell

him it's not tell us he's not playing games yeah it's ken's fault again it's all my fucking fault

hello hello yes this is joe caribi caribi yeah this is joe caribi oh my god yeah none of these

Caribbean numbers are working very well, except for the Jamaican

guy, who I've kind of pissed off already.

We got the Waterfront Hotel.

Anybody want to probably call the hotel?

Aaron, Kenneth? I'll take it.

Alright, Aaron, you're always game. That's good.

Give me a break. I'm a gamer.

Artie, you here still, or did you

drop off again? Stills, he's up

there. Alright, good.

What hotel? Where is it at?

Where's the hotel at? Oh, shit.

Oakland.

How may I help you?

Uh, yeah, hey, how's it going there?

All right, who is this?

All right, yeah, this is Brent.

Hey, uh, I was staying there last week, man, and I think I left my, uh, I left something in one of the rooms.

Oh, because you wanted to talk with, uh, the hotel?

Yeah, well, what is this? Is this the bar or something?

Yeah, this is the restaurant.

Well, who fucking sent me to the restaurant?

Eduardo, so I don't know, but you called into the restaurant, so you want to transfer you to the hotel?

Yeah, can you transfer me? Can you transfer me?

Okay, one more chance for me?

Mexican?

Hurry up.

Hello, can you transfer me?

Yeah, of course.

All right, hurry up.

Mexican horse.

Translate.

A Mexican horse.

Okay, I'm going to try to switch you over.

Hold on one second.

Hurry up, Missy.

Make it hurry up.

All right, hurry up.

Hurry up.

I know.

She's just sitting there like a stupid...

Please enjoy the following music while your party is being reeked.

That's what happened.

Man pants, then she tries to figure out a phone.

Well, so, you know, their brains are smaller.

It's a fact.

I like your facts.

Yeah.

All my facts are based on Ron Burgundy.

Oakman, you there?

I'm here, hello.

All right, got you back finally.

You put on J-Battle and then it dropped out.

We're calling the hotel again.

All right.

You're calling Miss Pearls.

Yeah, is this the hotel?

I got disconnected.

You were trying to reach the hotel?

Yeah, I got this number and then they were trying to call me to the hotel.

Oh, I'm sorry about that.

I'm not sure what happened.

Let me try again.

Okay, yeah, hurry up.

Yeah, Bill, it was because there was this stupid woman there, remember?

She didn't know what she was doing.

Are you there?

Extremely rude.

Would you like me to switch you over or not?

oh man i'm sure i don't know why what's the problem i'm sorry ma'am i thought we were on hold

yeah well you weren't you give a woman some man pants and this is how she acts well maybe is there

a man that i can talk to you there oh she's she's transferring us now that's she's you know how much

of a bitch she is when she's talking to me right now i can't believe that shit she's such a cunt

that's extremely rude i did a little uh after show last week with a couple of guys we called

Hawaii. The Hawaiian people are really

they get angry pretty quick.

Hawaiians do? Yeah, man. We called like

Hawaiian Craigslist numbers. Like I called some

you know, people had cars for sale

so I was asking if there was like cum stains

like in the back seat and stuff like

that. And the

one guy said

his ad was for $3,500.

I said, well, I'll give you $1,500.

He got really mad. Alright. Milkman,

is J Battle there still?

Did he leave? No, he's coming back right now.

Oh, you're giving him right as he's

just hang out downtown or something like what's up jay battle what's up dog jay battle i think i

saw you back on the day in myspace it was a long time ago though i think i saw you yeah yeah i think

i i recall this that's cool well man it's good seeing you man we're doing an internet radio show

so everyone heard that all right all right jay battle do you play basketball huh all right it's

hard to hear you i don't know what you're saying yeah you need to watch out for that guy driving

in your taxi, too. He's a crazy bastard.

He's a pervert, yeah.

He is. Trust me, he is. He's going to try and touch

you. He's going to try to touch you.

Finger blessed. Ask him about getting

ahead in that taxi. He smells his fingers

all the time. Did you notice that?

Jay Battle, everybody. Jay Battle, one and only.

Milkman. Jay Battle.

Alright. Cool Milkman.

He's a cool dude. I've heard of him before. He seems

cool.

Hey, man, I got a...

I'm the tunes, man.

Ho-bee-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.

i heard that show the other day milkman where you're talking about california love and ask you

do you know the lyrics you're like yeah i'll be bubble i was like oh man you're like yeah i love

the songs about that hubble bubble about uh chewing gum like all right cool all right we

got request we got request a prank sierra we got his fiance's mother uh from trombone tatas

raising her Bright House bill

to $400 due to

watching porn? Your future mother-in-law

has a $400 bill due

to watching porn. Okay, alright.

I did that to my mom once.

Wow. Why am I not surprised?

Carlito, I'll tell you, I used to work for

Comcast, and this was not a fucking

uncommon occurrence. People would call

and ask why their bill was so high, and I'd

go in and check their pay-per-view and fucking just

I mean, a page of porn.

Wow. And then they'd try to say,

so i don't watch porn yeah stealing my uh yeah someone's still in my box but they can't do that

they have a box on your account yeah it used to be funny they don't try to argue and like try to

get something knocked off i'm like just a fucking old pervert just admit it yeah you're no pervert

you got crazy one weekend with the porn and you charge a hundred freaking two hundred dollars a

porn yeah i worked for a cable company tech support for a very short amount of time once and

i get those calls too that like i look at their bills like you know two hundred dollars worth of

porn and they're like we're gonna get shut off and what are we gonna do it's like you gotta pay

your fucking porn bill man oh you're not gonna watch any porn that's gonna happen and then the

sad thing is like this is in the day i mean this is like in 2006 when internet's pretty prevalent

it's like you don't have to pay for porn man you know i mean you get porn out there pretty easy

You don't have to pay much, if anything, for that matter.

And the porn...

Yeah, well, the porn...

Well, the problem is, like, that porn on the cable channels sucks, too, anyway, man.

There's no penetration.

Yeah, it's all softcore shit.

Yeah, no one wants to watch that.

Milkman, you don't want to watch that, right?

You watch the dirty stuff, right?

Milkman, we can barely hear you.

What happened to your...

You're very low.

Well, I'm going to call you back.

Hold on.

What's the voicemail with Chrissy Schiffo?

I'm currently...

Well, it sounds like it's...

It sounds like J-Battle may have taken his phone again

and Milkman's yelling to try to fucking communicate with us.

Milkman.

Milkman's so loyal, he's still trying to do this show with us.

Hey, J-Battle, bring the phone back.

There you are.

We're here now.

Good.

All right.

All right, well, hey, J-Battle's going to leave the house, man.

Thank you, bro.

All right, enjoy your night, huh?

Later, J-Battle.

See you, man.

Hey, thanks, Jay Battle.

Have a good one, buddy.

Catch you tomorrow, man.

All right.

Sid the Kid sends in a number here for his friend.

An old lady called the cops on him today.

The cops came, and he split.

Why would you call the cops on your friend?

Just call him and ask why she called the cops on him.

But if you could like to try to make him feel better, I guess he's really scared.

He looks like Jeremy Lin.

All right.

Alright, his name is Ketan, Ketan, Ketan, Keaton.

Alright, cool.

Let's give him a call.

Looks like Jeremy Lin, so I'm guessing he's an Asian, a yellow, probably.

Yeah, I don't like the yellows.

Asiatics.

Is Jeremy Lin...

I'm learning 120, dog.

Jeremy Lin sucks now, doesn't he?

Did he ever come back from his injury?

Nah, he's still fucking hurt.

Yeah.

And Amar Estadomir is a fucking brilliant genius with what he did.

He punched a fire hydrant in the locker room and broke his hand.

Duh.

good one amari you retard the hardest side of our hit the glass in five years good one nitrous

cookie yeah i was just fucking laughing about that you get a gold star for that yeah that's

awesome fucking nicks man they have no excuse to be playing like they are i'm a magic fan or

we have an excuse dwight hired broke his back everyone else sucks right now i'm a supersonics

fan big fan of the supersonics that's fine that means you're an oklahoma city fan and they're

I've got Oklahoma City Thunder going into the finals this year, I think.

I think they're going to make it.

I'm a Pistons fan, man.

We're going through rebuilding.

We fucking went to the Eastern Conference finals six years in a row,

and now we can't fucking win a game to win it for our lives.

Yeah, buddy.

Pistons, once again.

I don't know.

You had that nice run with Ben Wallace.

Was it Ben Wallace and all that?

Yeah, Ben Wallace and them.

Like I say, we went to Eastern Conference finals for six years in a row

Oh, right after in, uh, shit, 0-4 when they beat the Lakers in fucking five games.

Yeah.

That's stupid Stoudemire, though.

What did he get?

See, he was upset that they went down 0-2 in the series.

So he punches the glass in the fire extinguisher fucking box and cuts and breaks his hand.

He showed that fucking fire extinguisher.

He sure showed that thing.

Fuck you, you inanimate object.

Baz will never be a Thunder fan.

Well let's continue on

Some more prank calls

I think we should call a few hospitals

In the UK for Nunu

Yes get those hospital UK numbers

Lonesome thank you

He's looking for them right now

I can't wait

Those are my favorites

UK tax dollars

You must call A&E

UK tax dollars will work

A&E yeah don't call A&E

Alright, we'll get to some more requested pranks here in a moment

Tell them your name's Ted, too

Let's see what lonesome has dropped on us here lately

Do we know what hotel UK Ted's at?

Should we start calling that?

I think I do

Absolutely, yeah

I think Carlito's probably got the number somewhere

Yeah, I think he had his call at once

Start calling him

Come on, Ted

Transfer us, you son of a bitch

Where is UK Ted?

He's not around, huh?

I don't see him on the

Maybe there's a mat at him tonight, man

Where's Tuck at

I don't see Tuck

I don't see him at all

That's on the new soundboard

New soundboard I love this one

I'm going to use that a lot

God damn it that's my favorite one

I can't wait for her to call in

Like Tuck

What the fuck do you want Mike Tucker

Hey Carlita while we're waiting on calls

You should call that kid back that was getting all nervous

I'm going to call my friend.

And then the cops.

Fucker, you don't have no friends.

Come on now.

The first dude that we talked to early on the show.

Yeah, he was all fucking nervous.

Fucking milkman yelling at him.

We're not playing no games.

You can't pick it up, too.

You think he'd stop answering, but nope.

All right, Lonesome.

He's waiting on your call back.

Lonesome got some numbers here from England.

It is the last hour of the show.

I guess we need to start calling England, so let's do it.

Henry Block.

Block, he's the king of the block, I understand.

Let me start out with this one, and then maybe you guys, if you want to jump in, you can.

Let me hit the first one.

On the line now, we got big Milkman, big Ken, big Evil Artie, and big Dirty Aaron.

Yo.

There we go.

So I might be getting a Mustang.

Oh, it doesn't do that, really?

Yeah, I'm in the market for a convertible one.

Yeah, make sure you can jack off other men in that.

What did he say?

What about jacking off?

You got to jack off men.

Yes, hello, I'd like to speak with Henry Block, please.

My name is Cross. Cross Brown. I'm with the Voting Administration.

We wanted to follow up because he didn't vote in the election for the Mayor of London.

Where are you speaking?

Well, I'm calling from the UK Voter Assurance Center.

It's five o'clock in the morning.

I know, but we have on record that he didn't vote yesterday.

Why are you bothering me? Why can't you phone me at a reasonable hour?

I didn't have time to phone people.

Well, because he's required to vote. It's a requirement that he votes, you stupid woman.

Hello?

Somebody's lost audio.

There's a bunch of packet loss.

Chat room's about to blow up.

All right, hang on.

Oh, my.

It didn't last very long.

I don't get it.

I know.

Hang on.

You know, it's on the finish.

Yeah, the call.

The time is.

Time to get up.

I thought it was my computer, but you had a bunch of packet loss.

Yeah, I see that shit, man.

Yeah, now I don't know what's causing all these problems that I got.

I mean, how many people you got in your Skype?

Maybe we can handle it.

No, no, no.

No, it's the shoutcast that died.

The shoutcasting died, man.

Livestream went down also.

Did it?

Fuck.

Yeah, I'm getting fucking Skype messages and everything.

Everybody's freaking out.

Well, do me a favor.

Tell people in the chat room who aren't listening to reload their chat page or their player page,

and they should be able to start hearing it again.

That should be working up already.

The madhouse station is working already.

Blue Planet is back up already, and I'm about to get cacti back up here.

Dude, it was in the fucking chat.

Just blowing it up.

Piss fuck ass, Paul.

Stream is dead, dead.

Piss fuck ass.

He can't use caps.

He knows he can't use caps.

I love it.

Nunu's going nuclear in the chat now.

Yeah.

Yeah, he's got his thong in a twist.

Oh, my.

Maybe he's going to have to take another time out.

My goodness.

Nunu.

Easy there, Nunu.

Easy there, Tiger.

He's getting the video going.

He needs his cacti's down.

Be nice, Nunu.

We don't want to get the chain out.

cacti's back up let it buffer whatever it is but it's back up i've got confirmation green across

the board on shout all three shoutcast sources i'm just working on the video now so yeah that

was some crazy news yesterday with uh junior say out going down and shit i can't believe that man

that's just insane i really think what's gonna happen is you know back in the day they used to

get fucked up with those concussions all the time you're gonna find out you have 40 years old his

His brain was like an 80-year-old.

Yeah.

He had depression and shit and ended up killing himself.

Yeah, see, back in the day...

Oops, sorry.

That was a repeat there.

Yeah, who did...

You know, who did they say...

Who was the wrestler that killed his son and his wife?

Oh, Benoit.

Chris Benoit.

When he fucking roid-raged and killed them all.

Yeah, well, they said he had a hell of a lot of brain damage, too, they said.

Also, it was kind of a combination.

I thought, no, I might be wrong on that.

I thought it was kind of both.

Yeah, he was pretty fucked up, too.

who he was on roids and all that wrestling shit,

getting all that brain damage.

All right, we should have video back in all three shoutcast sources.

There's no excuse not to be able to listen or watch right now.

I don't want to hear it.

I want to watch you.

I don't know why they insist on watching me.

I think this show should just be audio.

I think really what it is is Nunu gets really fucking excited.

Yeah.

I think maybe he's sabotaging the show again.

He might be.

You're hacking the fucking website again.

Stop hacking the website, Nunu, okay?

Chat room and all that.

Stop it.

All right, let's call the UK some more.

That was fun, that last one.

You know, I want to call that lady back, that last one we did.

That's a good idea.

I want her fucking vote right now.

I'm going to put Ken on the line.

I got Ken on the line.

Who won

the election last night?

Nunu, who won the election? Let me know.

Yes, hi. I have Ken on the line.

He was running for Lord Mayor of London,

and he wanted to talk to you about getting your vote,

if you still had some time to come down and vote.

The voting is finished.

Well, they're extending the hours because stupid people like you and your husband

didn't come down to do the voting like they were supposed to.

I see. I don't know who you are, and I don't particularly care,

but why are you finally this time of the morning?

What the deal is, I'm Ken,

Ken and Boris, he's fucking cheating.

So I pulled some strings.

We're going to extend the hours.

I need you to come down and give me your vote.

Basically, that's what it is, yeah.

You understand?

I'll be down immediately.

Okay.

I appreciate it.

I'll give you a free keg, too.

Will you vote for Ken or for Boris?

Who are you going to vote for?

I'm afraid I don't give that information out.

Because you're a stupid person?

Is that why?

And you're a stupid American?

Is that why?

Well, no.

I'm paid money here, sir.

I'm from a...

Well, I'm still paid money.

and don't bother people and don't ask them what they vote for

because it's a private matter and people do what they like.

Listen, the computer here tells me you didn't even vote.

I'm going to know who you voted for the minute you do, you stupid horse.

You're really stupid, you know that?

Just so you know, even if you vote for the other guy, I'm changing your vote.

Let's try him again.

Did you vote yet?

I need your vote.

He's gone.

All right, let's go.

Let's move on here.

More show.

KDK is fall in the chat room

No, fall, that's really you

Fall, don't be silly, don't talk a bunch

Of cobblers

We got Henry Brownrig

Anybody want to talk to Henry Brownrig

About the election? I'll talk to Henry

Henry

Talk to Henry

I'll talk to Henry

Henry Brownrig, kind of sounds like he's an

Anal sex, he's got a brown rig

He's a ficophiliac

Hello, your call cannot be taken at the moment

so please leave your message after the tone.

Piss.

No answer there, so instead we will call Henry Buffong.

Buffong.

Another speaker of Iliac.

Ask him if he asks you, do you know what time it is?

Tell him it's time to get out and vote, bitch.

Time to rock the vote.

Tell him it's time to rock the vote.

Yes, good morning, Henry.

What's good, Jim?

Yes, hello.

Hello.

We're wondering if you've gone out and voted yet.

I did.

Did you vote in the election?

Who's me?

My name is Brent Westwood.

I'm calling from the UK Voting Administration Machines.

You're phoning from?

We're phoning from a call center in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, from the United States.

Yeah.

We noticed that you haven't voted yet in the London election.

We want to make sure you get out there.

They've extended the time.

Patty.

Are you there?

Patty.

My name's not Patty, goddammit.

Are you going to get out and vote?

Yeah, I'm voting.

Huh?

Yeah, vote.

Oh, you vote.

You're so stupid.

You can't even vote.

You're not even British.

You don't even know how.

Can you speak English okay or not?

Yeah.

I'm just going to grunt on the phone or what?

Can I speak to the man in the bed next to you?

Hey, stupid.

Are you going to vote for Boris or what?

I already voted.

Who did you vote for?

We have to know.

You must tell me now.

I didn't vote yet.

I know that.

That's why we called you.

I already voted.

I didn't vote yet.

You're real stupid.

You don't even know what you're doing.

Henry, stay on the line.

We're going to call someone else, all right?

Hang on.

Don't go anywhere, all right?

Henry, you hear me?

Henry, don't go.

We like you.

Don't hang up, Henry.

Yeah, you're pretty cool, Henry.

I like you.

I'm sorry I called you stupid, okay?

Henry, you're cool with me?

We're cool?

Good.

Hello?

Yes, hello, sir.

My name is Ralph Littlejohn.

I'm looking for Doug Chisholm.

You've got him.

Hi, Doug Chisholm.

I'm calling from the United Kingdom Voting Administration,

and we have it down here that you didn't vote in your election,

and you're in big trouble.

you're facing a fine because of that why didn't you vote what the bloody hell is this the election

passed and you didn't place your vote you're in violation of the uk emergency powers act

where the hell are you inventing this film is this some fucking crank here i have a time of

the morning we have it on the computer it's coming up right now you weren't you did not

vote in the election like you were supposed to you stupid shit you talk to whoever you are what

Henry you still there Henry you still there yeah hey what do you think about that yeah all right

here we're gonna do another one don't go anywhere I love how tired English people talk I don't know

why are you so tired Henry what's going on are you awake no no what time do you wake up in the

morning usually Patty huh Patty yeah yeah it's Patty what's going on buddy

is he gonna die i'm gonna die i'm dying oh no don't die henry stay with us

yes hi i'm calling for brian ashley the man with the woman's name

i'm calling for brian ashley stupid my name is ralph little john ralph little john hello

yeah put brian on the phone and go make me a sandwich okay okay thank you she didn't ask

what kind of sandwich i wanted before uh she gets him henry hello oh not you sorry henry hang on

don't go anywhere brian yeah brian yeah hey brian how you doing all right i'm calling from the united

kingdom voting administration we have down here on the computer that you you failed to place a vote

in the election yeah why was that because i'm stupid apparently you are yes boy this is henry

Henry, good luck.

You all sound the same.

Eh?

You all sound the same, you stupid people.

Yeah, yeah, all right.

Yeah, right, whatever.

What was the last time you brushed your teeth?

Are you messing around with me now, Henry?

We're not playing games.

Milkman, tell them we're not playing games.

Milkman.

Hey, look, buddy.

We're not playing any fucking games.

You think this is Monopoly, bitch?

Henry, don't go anywhere.

You think we're playing chess and shit?

Yes.

Is this Brian?

Brian, my name is Henry Buffong.

I live on 10A Warlock Road

in London, England. I'm calling

to harass you because you didn't vote in the election

yesterday. My name is

Henry Buffong. I live on 10A

Road in London, England.

See, Henry, I told you we weren't playing games.

I'm giving out your information now. How do you like that?

That's what you get when you don't vote for me,

asshole. I think he hung up now

when he heard that he freaked out. I got to edit

that out. And we have

Nigel Bevan. Man, my

ass is sore.

Nigel on. My ass is sore.

All right, go ahead and open this one up.

Everyone jump in at the end.

How's that sound?

Yeah.

All right, get some sounds there.

I got them.

Nigel.

Call cannot be taken at the moment.

See, what I really want to know is,

why the fuck are these people picking up their phone

at like 5 or 4 in the morning?

I'm sitting here sleeping.

My cell phone goes off at that time.

I'm not fucking answering it.

Yeah.

Special house phone.

Well, especially with a number I don't know.

You don't pop up caller ID.

I'm not picking this shit up.

Well, you never know.

I mean, it could be like the hospital.

Someone's there, you know?

They can wait until the fucking morning.

Or it could be the king.

Or if it's your mom at the hospital.

Could be the king and queen.

It's not like it's your mom.

I mean, if she called, I'd really answer that shit.

Yeah, I know.

Booty call.

Call Ben.

Anyway, Nunu says that we need to call the guy and ask about his wife giving him biscuits.

What?

What are you talking about?

A story about biscuits.

Let's see.

Biscuits, biscuits.

Put it in the chat a couple of different times.

that's a charlie thing right there what are you talking about what are you talking about

i can't believe that how do you say his curse how do i that little curse that he does

yeah he fucks the curse up himself yeah it's chinga tu madre he says chinga tu male way

okay so lonesome sent in a number here uh does your wife he says one of the what okay

Okay, a guy was complaining about his neighbors.

One of the insults he used was,

does your wife give you a biscuit to make you feel happy?

His name is Brendan Murphy, okay?

All right, you got it.

Lonesome's neighbor?

No, no, no, Nunu's neighbor here.

Oh, okay.

Does your wife give you a biscuit to make you happy?

How is that an insult?

That's a big insult there in England, I guess.

You eat biscuits!

I don't know, but the name Brendan just sounds like a cocksucker.

Brendan Biscuits?

Well, aren't crackers biscuits there?

So maybe he means like are you a parrot?

Crisps or chips.

You know elevator is a skybox.

Hello?

Brendan, enough you speak.

Hello, Brendan.

I'm going to call you back.

Fuck.

Yeah, asshole, you're not speaking when you leave a voicemail greeting.

Stupid asshole.

Put him in his place.

So there you go.

Great idea, Nunu.

It didn't work out.

Sorry.

I tried.

Okay, we have a request of pranks, though.

tired tired fucker we got about 15 minutes left i might cut it off early here because my butt's

sore man butt is sore let's get through some rapid fire uh requested pranks here ian mcdonald

say you're calling from sask power and that he owes you a lot of money for a street light outside

his house because it's on his property he has to pay for it sounds like an inside joke this calls

in canada home of hockey i understand the hockey playoffs are going on now that sounds fun sounds

Sounds like a hoot.

Bunch of white people with sticks.

Have fun with that.

They got one black guy now, though, too.

Oh, that's good.

Trying to diversify.

About time.

It's bound to happen.

Thank you, Artie.

Artie, you're out of here now.

I'm hanging up.

Hello.

Yes, hi.

I'm looking for Ian McDonald.

You are talking to him.

I'm calling from SaskPower.

My name is Ralph Littlejohn.

From Rob Littlejohn.

I'm Ralph Littlejohn from SaskPower.

Yeah.

Okay.

What can I do for you at 1045?

in the morning sir well you have some money oh 10 45 in the morning 10 45 in the night sir what can

i do for you okay it seems like you're wrong uh you're behind here on your bill you owe quite a

bit of money here due to a street light outside your house it's been on your property and you

haven't paid for it okay yeah you should get your story straight we don't know a street light goodbye

oh you have a street light it's outside your house you stupid shit okay i like how he was acting like

Like, it was a big fucking deal that was 10.45 in the morning.

It kind of confused me for a second.

I was like, where are we calling?

Hi, we can't make it to the phone right now.

Leave a message, and we'll get back to you when we get in.

Thank you.

I was like, are we calling Australia or something?

What the fuck?

All right, so some inside jokes.

Someone's having a big old laugh.

Good for you, listener.

That's what we're here for, to have fun.

Somebody's taking a piss.

Yeah, taking a piss on that guy.

Dustin sent in a number for a kid named Chris who's very fat, very racist,

thinks he's funny all the time when he's not

and is a fucking retard.

We're going to be calling Evil Artie here next.

Hang on just a moment, everybody.

I was going to say, is that me?

I'm sorry, Artie.

That's me.

Is this a wind-up?

It is a wind-up.

You'd think a Corvette would get me laid.

There's a few guys out there that would dig you.

Yeah.

Some bears.

Hello.

God, I hate it.

I hate that shit.

After you have finished,

God, I hate that shit.

We need to call and feel his fucking voicemail love for being a douchebag and making a message like that.

I really hate it when people do that, man.

Milkman used to be one of those.

I think I told the story once.

I had my windows down.

It was a nice sunny day.

And I'm driving through the black neighborhood on my way home from work.

I'm calling Milkman and he picks up.

He goes, hello.

And I fell for it.

You know, it's like, you know, you've reached Milkman.

I'm like, goddammit, fucking shit.

and yelling at my windows down

and like these children and their mom

were walking by and they gave me a bad look.

I felt bad.

We don't know. This kid could just be slow as fuck.

Yeah. Milkman, that's a real dirty pull.

Milkman, are you there? Thank God you changed

that voicemail message, man. I think you did.

Yeah.

Quiet, Artie. Milkman's talking. He's not playing games.

Go ahead, Milkman.

Yeah, I'm here, man. Just me and my

girls here. Uh-oh.

There you go. Alright.

right yeah everybody said hi deborah hi hi okay they're doing all right

hey i'm getting ready to go underneath the ocean here they got an underwater tunnel here so it

makes that out is that what you call it all right cool is that what you call it

milk bed's gonna eat her out right now

whenever i go into this tunnel they got a tunnel here it cuts off sometimes if i go really fast

No, don't go fast.

Don't do anything like that.

The tunnel of pussy here.

The tunnel of pussy.

Yeah, I'm going through the tube right now.

Right in the Webster tube here.

Put the tricks on the line.

All right.

We got a number here from Tiny Red Johnson.

The victim's name is Chris.

Chris runs a tattoo shop in upstate New York.

Short temple, easy to make mad.

That was a good prank call.

Cocky is hot and tall.

Oh, get her, milkman.

Get her, milkman.

Shit, Milkman's fucking tearing her up.

Milkman's tearing her ass.

Tattoo Chris?

Yes.

Wow, that made no sense.

That was stupid.

Thank you.

Yeah, that was stupid.

The voicemails get stupider and stupider.

All right, we got a number in Costa Rica.

I don't think we ever called Costa Rica.

Corrupt sent in a number for the Hotel Del Rey

Costa Rica, a known brothel

Alright, there we go

Anybody want to talk to a brothel in Costa Rica

Where you can get HIV

Absolutely

Artie, you want to call a brothel?

There's a bear shit in the woods

Yeah, it's in Costa Rica, here you go, have fun

Oh, perfect

I think we need to get Richie on the line

So he can giggle halfway through the call

Come on, girls

What does a vagina look like?

Does he think Richie knows?

Does it go up or down or left or right, Richie?

Let us know.

What do you think?

Diagonal, Richie.

Depends on the race.

It does.

Welcome to the Hotel Del Rey.

If you know your party's extension,

you can dial it now or dial 1 for reservation.

Richie knows.

3 for purchase or dial 0 to talk to the operator.

3 for purchase.

Can we dial the rooms from there?

That'd be good.

But you look side to side, then up to down.

Nah, not really.

I'm going to try the office.

Hi, this is Barry Snatch.

I'd like to schedule an appointment, please.

Excuse me?

This is Barry Snatch, and I'd like to schedule an appointment.

Appointment with who, sir?

Well, who you got?

Is that a hotel?

Are you sure you're scheduling an appointment or something?

I guess.

I thought it was a brothel.

That's what I said.

All right, I'm calling back.

There's a guest there named Kevin Calloway.

Safe and sound in San Jose at Hotel Del Rey, Costa Rica.

Not confirmed.

Oh, you know what?

I know about this place.

You know who I knew wanted to go there?

Maybe I shouldn't say who it was.

Me?

No, not you.

Someone you all know.

Welcome to the Hotel Del Rey.

If you know your party's extension.

Never mind.

I'll have to clear it with him first before I tell you who it was.

I was going to go to a brothel.

Hotel Del Rey, good evening.

Yes, I'm trying to reach Kevin Calloway, please.

He's a guest there.

Excuse me?

I'm trying to reach Kevin Calloway.

He's a guest there.

Calloway, one moment.

I don't have that last name on the system, sir.

Calloway, maybe, oh, do you, or do you, did you put it in in English or Spanish?

Okay, sir, the last name Calloway is not on the system.

It's with a C.

You see, maybe because you're stupid Spanish person.

I know how to spell Calloway, sir.

Stupid Latino Hispanic that you don't know how to spell it, you know?

Excuse me?

Because your communication is so bad, I can hear you.

You stupid Costa Rican, you don't understand it.

I'm looking for Kevin Calloway.

K-E-V-I-N, Calloway.

C-A-L-L-A-W-A-Y.

He's gone.

He's starting to get upset, though.

Let's try him again.

I knew he was gone when I heard the echo.

Yeah.

You're very smart, Artie.

You're very fucking smart.

I'm really not.

You're not.

You need to have a job.

I just act like I'm smart.

How's that job search going, Artie?

It's not.

I got other plans.

Crazy fucker's in the chat room.

Yeah, crazy fucker.

Are you serious?

Yeah, he's here.

Back from the dead.

He said last week he's living in a van on the mountain, not by the river, on the mountain.

Call the call.

It's all down there.

Good evening, it's all the way.

Good evening.

I'm trying to reach a guest there.

Excuse me?

I'm trying to reach a guest there, Mr. Monkey.

Sir, I'm sorry to bother you, and I'm very, very, very sorry for this inconvenience.

I can't hear you.

I'm trying to make an order to make

Speak to a person who stays there

But because you're a stupid Costa Rican

You don't understand

Hello can you hear us

Can you hear me

Is there something wrong with your phone

Listen stupid Costa Rican

I'm looking for my friend

I'm looking for Mike Oxlong

You know what the fuck he's doing now

He's just sitting there

Is he jerking off

I don't know man

I'm scratching my balls

Sorry ladies

these are listening but my balls it's like a motherfucker right now uh yeah super no crabs

asshole super eight store indian operated super eight store in trenton been harassing the owner

for a while and can be fun to anger this came in from big tabachi uh yeah you ever heard of that

guy he's pretty funny dude nice guy was talking to him earlier in the week uh he's this guy we're

gonna go to uh red robin together but it fell through the plants fell through i was excited

about that. I was going to have a turkey patty

wrapped in lettuce. That's one of the meals

you can get there. I've never been to Red Robin.

They don't have Red Robins in Florida, man.

Dude, Artie, remember we used to go to

what was that place you used to go to for the breakfast

buffet every once in a while? Oh, yeah.

Big boy, yeah. Me and Artie meet up there.

Oh, I want to go there. How much is the buffet?

It's like seven bucks, man.

I got to go there baked once.

That's what I used to do. I'd go there baked the whole time.

I've been to all my marijuana

smoking. I haven't

been to a buffet.

Hello?

Total party.

Are you there?

Hello?

Is the owner there?

Okay.

Is anybody there?

Guys?

Ken?

Milkman?

Anyone?

Oh, boy.

Everything dropped out.

Skype dropped out.

Lost Milkman.

Lost everybody.

Call dropped.

Everybody right across the board.

Oh, boy.

When our shoutcast dropped out, is shoutcast still up?

No one saying anything?

Oh, shit.

Oh, boy.

Here we go.

Now the streamers are dropping.

I think we've had a massive failure here.

anyways it looks like

Madhouse Studio just lost

its connection so I guess this is just as

good a time as any to end the show

I want to thank all our podcast

listeners and

in hindsight hopefully our

live listeners can appreciate

that I'm thanking them on the podcast

because they can't hear me now

internet is completely down

probably some maintenance on the part of my

internet provider

so here we go I want to thank everyone who sent in numbers

first this week lonesome loser all i request to prank people uh new new thank you for your help

i guess uh everyone who tuned in everyone in the chat room milkman as always and uh sorry for

the abrupt end but i guess it's meant to be it's one o'clock anyway so it doesn't matter

i'm only on contract to do show for until one so there you guys have a good night

see you guys next week thanks bye

He Was Speaking Spanish This Whole Time

Calls (34, 1 h 1 min of 2 h 27 min)

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