The Subject is Breakfast

You're the weirdest freak I've ever heard of, man.

There's a penis on here.

What's this pornography doing on me?

Yeah.

Yeah, shut up.

You need to make my breakfast.

Fuck off.

Bye.

I'm not playing enough games, man.

I fucked you, son of a bitch.

I'm making a stupid call.

You're out of your crazy mind.

You ain't getting no goddamn dollars.

I'll fuck you all my life long.

You're not perfect.

Why don't you piss off?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

the first in the east coast at least it is it's 12 30 in the morning first of july first of the

month wake up pass your checks and come up milkman is here with me as i mentioned before milkman's

hanging out and let me welcome back my friend turn the music down and uh i think the nation

is due for a wake-up call gotcha thanks thank you for providing that service wherever madhouse

live.com if you're just listening only at this point you're like i'm just drawing loose in a

cacti radio or i'm trying to listen to blue planet radio and there's some guy on the radio machine

what's going on that's what milkman was saying that's how milkman learned about this show like

i'm losing a piece of you some guy on here i'm angry you go to madhouse life.com get your

explanation that is our show that is our podcast our forums our whatever our downloads uh hell

hell we even got a newsletter there somewhere if you want to be on all 1998 you can get a

newsletter milkman you know that milkman we have a newsletter i haven't updated the newsletter like

in three years how many years edition newsletters man newsletter emails how stupid and useless is

that it's like a geocities account man uh speaking of stuff that's outdated if you want to hit me up

on aol or yahoo instant messenger you can do that madhouse radio on aol yahoo instant messenger

And if you're on the MSN Messenger machine, madhouseatlive.com.

Now, that's really outdated.

We also are on IRC.

And Bonzi Buddy, the Bonzi Buddy Messenger Milkman Madhouse Edition is out.

It just came out last week.

Make sure you pick that up.

Oh, wow.

Pick up that little great babe.

The great babe talks to you.

Milkman called me last week.

He was like, oh, man, I got this new thing.

It's called Bonzi Buddy.

He was awesome.

This monkey is talking to me.

he's my friend it's like siri but on my computer oh boy yeah that's what i understand siri all

siri is is bonzi buddy this is bonzi buddy people should sue siri should sue apple we came up with

that the thing that talks to you god damn twitter madhouse on twitter at madhouse whatever twitter.com

slash madhouse i don't know how you say it most important one i guess these days is the facebook

book account though manhouse live on facebook be sure to follow also got a prank call page there

manhouse pranks are on there be sure to check that shit out and there we go so i god damn when

would the last show was uh you know the last show was almost like two months ago it was six weeks

ago almost it's been at least a couple days man i've lost track how many days it's been i guess

you're right about two or three now huh i think it was uh like may it was the first week of may man

and we're here in the first week of july that was the last show so for those of you who didn't know

and then actually the last show got cut off because uh the uh internet uh comcast started

a maintenance right at midnight we got cut off early i didn't even get to explain hey everybody

i'm not going to be on next week because uh what was that one is that the last one the last show

no no no the last show that i did i want to say it was may let me think here 12 11 10 made the

the second yeah fuck dude tomorrow's gonna be two months since we did the last show may the second

uh the show got cut off because of the internet going down for scheduled maintenance by comcast

i didn't even know about it um i didn't get a chance to mention everybody i didn't get a chance

to mention everybody hey i'm not going to be on next week because my mom's fine and i'm flying

my mom in for mother's day next uh week uh that was mother's day was the 13th uh of may it was

was flying her in and uh i think it's just i saw tabachi to me and tabachi hung out the night after

the show actually we went to red robin and had burgers uh because he doesn't like to drink he

has an allergy to something i don't know pen uh to peanuts but we robin hey dude oh you can't eat

french fries but uh unfortunately well here's what happened guys not to mince words anymore

talk anymore uh then we have to beat around the bush anymore i flew my mama for mother's day

And the day before Mother's Day, she passed away in front of me in my apartment.

I took her to her kidney dialysis.

Don't act like you didn't know, Milkman, for God's sake.

You were like the third person that I told right after my dad and my cousin.

No, I'm not saying I don't know.

Every time I hear and think about this, it's just kind of amazing how you went through that, dude.

I mean, I can't imagine how painful.

painful and god knows that we love you man and i couldn't think about doing madhouse or anything

like that so yeah i flew my mom up for mother's day as i said and the day before mother's day

uh she did her she had kidney dialysis she did it up here and brought her back home and uh

literally she came up the steps and had a heart attack and died right in front of me i did

everything i could to save her life uh perform cpr and watch my mom pass away basically in my arms

in front of me so didn't want to uh i'm not looking for you guys to give me your sorry you

know so i'm not trying to be an asshole i'm so i'm not i don't say this just because it's all

you know boohoo give me attention i've never been like that with you guys but you know i just want

you to guys know why i was gone and um to be honest with you a lot most of you i think most

of you didn't know who it was but knew something bad had happened um what got me the most uh and

And why I love Madhouse Radio, and I love all of you so much, and Milkman, I told you about this,

I receive more outpouring of support and love on the Madhouse Facebook and the Madhouse forums

than I did on my personal real-life Facebook account from friends and family.

Way, I mean, three or four times the amount of people concerned and telling me,

Don't worry, come back when you can, and we're sorry for your loss,

despite the fact that most of you didn't really know what had happened.

I mean, I told the majority.

I mean, I told what?

I told Nunu and Lonesome and Tuck and RBCP, you know,

kind of like the members of the internal, kind of like I might call it.

You know, there's a certain level of people when it comes to Madhouse

who know things first and are more involved, and that's kind of like the crew.

Yeah, he needs to settle the fuck down, man, and quit going crazy in that chat, man.

We need people to stay in, not throw them out, you know, just because they don't like

making them do a shit like that.

I mean, come on.

Anyway.

But, yeah, no, it's okay.

No, but, you know, there's a few, yeah, I like to keep in the know

because you're the guys that work, you know, hard behind the scenes

when it comes to things.

And once in a while, then it wants them to be showing up every Thursday

and being like, what the fuck, you know, Carlito, you know,

taking time out of my day to confirm numbers.

You know, I hear he wanted him to know.

So that's what happened.

That's why I wasn't here.

I'm able to talk about it now, as you can see.

I can still get a little emotional, but not to the point.

I mean, Milkman, you remember when I first talked, I couldn't,

you remember what it was that first day when I talked to you?

Destroyed.

Oh, dude, man, you were the bestest man.

I mean, I felt so bad.

I mean, I just did not know what to do or say.

I mean, you know, I was even excited she was there, you know,

because I knew she was coming, and, you know, I was all happy and everything,

and you told me that, and I just, like, fell over.

It's like, my God, what can I do, you know?

Yeah, but such is life.

We're all meant to bury our mothers and our fathers,

except if there's some kind of accident, you know,

or we get sick or something like that.

So that is life.

It was tragic.

I just thank God that I was able to be with her one last time.

You know, it would have been horrible had it...

Milkman, you talked to me about this.

It really would have been horrible had it happened

while she was in Florida and I was up here far away, you know?

Yeah, it would have been much more...

It would be, you know, painful and troublesome, you know, worrisome.

You know, you're not actually even there, really.

you know in a way maybe the serendipity has been the key you know because you know you were there

with your mother you know the person about you in the world and for final moments she was there

with you and i mean you know i mean in a way it's a tribute or a gift you know because you actually

was there the most important you know one of the most uh important days of her you know it's an

honor and you know my opinion and uh i'm glad that you know you came out of it on this side and you

You know, and we're feeling a little more level of comfort with it, man.

You know, all our hearts are with nobody.

Nobody wants two birds of light, you know, that one day some people around

and don't take the growing experience as a positive thing.

And, you know, you're lifting up and taking a foot forward,

and you're doing the right thing, man.

You're being a man.

Thank you.

I'm very happy.

Thank you.

I'm very happy that you're doing so well, sir.

Yeah, it was kind of crazy, not to touch on this too much more,

more but it was kind of crazy that our conversation it was awesome dude friday uh the day before it

happened um i took the day off of work my athena went to work my wife went to work and it was just

me and my mom we spent the entire day together we hung out we talked about stories from when i was

a kid she told me stories about when she was a kid and all my family members you know when they

were younger you know i even got her ask her a question like how was my grandfather you know

this and what was my great-grandfather like she told me and she even told me like she said you

You know, when I, you know, I'm sick, you know, I'm sick and I'm on dialysis and I'm a heart patient.

You know, when I die, if it happens soon or later, when it happens, you know, I want to be cremated.

I want to be taken back to Puerto Rico.

She told me exactly what she wanted done at that point.

Yeah, she had a feeling.

Yeah, she did.

She knew.

Everyone says that.

And sure.

But you know what?

I think I did.

I did well by her because I did exactly that.

I had her cremated just like she wanted.

uh i had her put in a in a rose-colored urn like she said and i flew down with her to puerto rico

with her with her ashes which was a really surreal thing it's a night like my mom who was

alive a week you know less than a week before was in a box in a suitcase on a plane with me

it's just so i mean it's just you don't life doesn't prepare you for things although you

should be prepared everyone out there should be repaired but i did want to touch on one last

sitting here before we move on uh all of you who do have mothers who are still alive or fathers

for that matter uh we've got a lot of young people listen to the show right milkman we got a lot of

kids a lot of teenagers and stuff listen to the show i know you guys get upset at your parents

and you guys fight that's natural that's normal but uh never never miss an opportunity to tell

your mother or father that you love them and uh i know sometimes we all get angry at our parents

and we say things sometimes we don't mean and that's natural but always make up don't keep

anything you're you know don't leave anything in the time because you never know what can happen

and that is life you know you don't want to deal with that kind of guilt later on as something

happens because something else happened even if you do get over and all that stuff and then you

know could be 20 years and you're like oh my god i remember that one time that i told my mom i wish

she was dead and you're a teenager you're a kid and that stuff happens but still you start thinking

it tears you up we all go through it so again be kind to your parents they're the only link you

have to your past unless you got brothers and sisters in that case fuck your parents but hey

we move on we get over it we take a breathe in we take a breathe out right life goes on and so do we

manhouse radio must continue when you take the next next right step forward my friend and i think

a bunch of calls await us as we proceed your goal excuse me that's right well let's see what we got

out here up in the hizzy lonesome losers sending in a lot of numbers oh my god is that the real

db it is the real cheaters back in our chat oh my god yes yeah welcome back the dead and fall

former power couple of uh pcu are here oh my god i'm so glad he's back did i miss him man

yeah for sure oh yeah i did get a message to you uh air money to uh sword maven he's going to have

I have trouble getting in.

First city was affected by the power outage,

and I leave my own mother's city because I cannot get it on the phone.

So I think there's electrical power down throughout the East Coast area

from the terrible, terrible storm that blew through

and knocked down a bunch of electrical power lines.

What was this? Was there a storm?

Well, I hope you are listening to this, at least able to listen on the phone.

If you cannot listen to your normal source, your PC.

Was there a storm? What happened? What am I missing?

and there was a storm?

Oh, yeah,

it was a big-ass storm, man.

Power had been out,

and now I guess

it was maybe the second day,

you know,

because, like,

last night and yesterday,

a big storm blew through,

and it blew down,

like, I don't know,

it was, like,

750,000 people

without electricity

the day before,

you know,

yesterday night.

So, it doesn't look like

it's all been, you know,

been solid.

It was, like,

not quite a tornado,

but it was, like,

an unnamed, you know,

like, supercell

that went through

and just blew a bunch

of shit down there

a little bit below you

and me.

Oh, wow.

Tabachi is asking if I got the big hail storm two nights ago.

I didn't notice the hail.

All I noticed was lightning like crazy, man.

Like I woke up at 3 in the morning and there was lightning less than every two seconds there was another lightning strike.

And I freaked out, not because I'm a wiener or anything,

but my bed, the head of the bed sits right at the window,

which is right behind the woods and a bunch of trees.

And I was like, all right, I'm getting up, going to sleep.

I'm going to go sleep in the living room.

I got up and moved.

Because once when I was 19, when I first moved out of my house,

I was in the apartment with Andy and our other friend.

There was a storm, a lightning storm just like that one.

It's lightning every two seconds.

It was like, bam.

In two seconds, another lightning strike would hit.

And I got up and moved to go to the bathroom, I think.

And when I got up, a lightning strike hit right at the window.

Right at the window.

and i would have been right there i was like oh my god like i didn't think that was possible but

yeah sure enough it was close enough that it if it's really strange you know to happen to me once

yeah remember i don't know how many of y'all remember the old days when the phones were

you know mostly analog you know i mean the the ring was different on them you know the way they

busy signals listen to some of the old recordings of the phone you know phone calls from the 70s

you know early 80s you'll hear it but i was on a hardwired phone i was looking out the window it

was raining and storming like crazy and you know i you know people have said it before you know

you should on the phone while it's storming you know and i was like yeah i was a 16 year old

and i'm like yeah okay whatever i'm gonna talk to my girl blah blah blah so i'm on the phone

lightning strikes and hits right out in the tree in the yard and it was static so strong that it

It pinged through the earpiece and, like, shocked the side of my head.

Ever since then, I've been this crazy and whacked out.

And, you know, I ended up getting here on the madhouse.

Well, that's a true story, really, though.

It shocked me through the phone, the static discharge.

Dude, it happens.

That happened to me once on an old analog-style phone.

Like you're talking about, the old school phone, maybe late 80s.

Right, wired phone.

I was talking in a storm and lightning hit.

And I felt it.

It gave me a headache is what happened.

Like, it went, bam!

And, again, I had a headache for, like, a few hours, man.

It was wicked.

And once I was washing my hands in this.

No, no, no.

I was doing my chores.

I was washing dishes.

And lightning struck outside.

And I felt it.

I felt, like, the electricity in the water coming out of the pipe, you know, out of the sink.

Freaked me out.

Yeah, I remember that.

Yeah, and after that, we would never, you know, do dishes during a rainstorm, never take a shower.

Never took.

That was a big thing.

I used to always be scared to take a shower during a rainstorm.

I would definitely believe that.

I could not go on for a second now.

I'll tell you, I used to play a lot of guitar whenever I was younger.

I mean, I had a band and everything.

I had some really powerful amplifiers, you know, Marshall amplifiers.

And I was always jamming in the basement with my band, you know.

It was like the old basement, you know.

It was like everything was kind of like painted and everything, you know.

You know, it wasn't like, you know, completely a converted basement, but, you know, it was

concrete on the floor, and there was like a thin carpet, and I'm sitting there jamming

on the guitar, it's storming like a beatbox outside, I'm not paying attention to it,

man, all stoned out, jamming with the guys, you know, and I'm having a great time, raising

hell, and lightning hits outside, and it comes all the way through the wiring outside to

to where my guitar amp is, and comes all the way clear to the cord,

the power cord, and comes up to the power cord,

and just before it goes in the amp, it stops.

It crisped everything between there, between the wall,

the wiring in the house, the socket in the wall, and my cord, dude.

And it was like, holy shit.

And I was like, man, I could have been surprised,

because anybody who knows an electric guitar

has a complete contact with the ground, you know,

for the sounds to be transferred through the magnets.

And you have to have electrical fields, you know, running through the strings.

It's got magnets in it?

I scared the shit out of me.

I could have been electrocuted, literally.

Wow, magnets are amazing.

I was so lucky.

Magnets are amazing.

Don't play your guitar amps in the rain or in storms, man.

Be careful, guys.

Magnets are amazing.

I don't even know how they work.

How do they work, Milkman?

Magnets.

No one really knows the real answer.

They're lines of force, and they exchange energy between electrical fields and magnetic fields.

I mean, that's the basics of it.

And that's how we have communications throughout the world, and most of our things are done even in our bodies, or even electrical impulses, even though they're electrochemical, they still are exchanges of ions, or exchanges of charges of pieces of matter without getting too scientific.

Thank you, Milkman. I appreciate that. I was wondering how magnets work. It's amazing.

Guys, let's go ahead and move on with some prank calls.

Got some good numbers here.

RBCP Milkman, he has infiltrated the Geek Squad.

I know you're a big fan of the Geek Squad.

You get all your computer work done at Geek Squad.

Absolutely.

I'm an idiot.

I don't know anything about computers.

You buy monster cables and go to Geek Squad, yeah.

That's right.

I'm in a welcome, you know.

I have an old brotherhood there.

So, yeah.

Yeah, um, RBCP's got a bunch of numbers from the Geek Squad.

People that have left their computer machines with Geek Squad, uh, we got their numbers here.

I'm excited about that.

We'll be calling them in just a moment.

We've got some requests of pranks that have come in.

Lonesome Loser sent in some numbers here also, including his most hated, uh, his most hated convenience store, the Wawa, which he hates.

He hates Wawa.

He's always got, I don't know what happened with Lonesome and Wawa.

I think he went in there once and they gave him shit.

they're opening Wawa's in Orlando now

lonesome I meant to tell you about that

there was a big article in the Orlando Sentinel

that they're getting their first Wawa

down by the convention center down there

I don't even know why I bother

following Orlando news but I still do

I still get

sucked into that fucking hell hole

we also got the Good Living

Center East Mountain

these people are always angry and I heard they mistreat

the old people staying there

they're in Pennsylvania as well

we got the In-N-Out Mini Mart

a foreign guy was there Milkman

that sounds promising and we got the Breakers

Hotel in Honolulu

alright

yeah I wanted to mention Milkman you heard the new intro

also got it for the show a new intro for the show

featuring Beastie Boys Jimmy James

which itself features

music by the late great Jimi Hendrix

awesome

and also Milkman you're a fan of

Daft Punk right?

I know you're a fan

yeah I've heard of them before

Yeah, they're pretty cool.

Yeah, I used their, they're in the new podcast intro.

You didn't hear it yet, but the new podcast intro is that song, Robot Rock, which is Robot Rock.

I think you like, I think you've mentioned you like that song before, Robot Rock.

Yeah, it was really wild.

It's really, it's really odd if you ever hear it, man.

It's like really cool.

They do this vocalization using, you know, using vocoder type effects on the voice

and turn the whole thing a little rift going, you know, repeating digitally endlessly into a whole fourth song.

Right, right, right.

Nunu's also sending in a number for there's a midget convention.

I understand they don't like being called midges, Milkman and Nunu.

I don't think they like that.

Little people is what they like to be called, but midges nonetheless.

They are here.

My wife was telling me that there are two midges that work at her bank that she goes to every day for work.

She has to make deposits for work.

and they're mean.

They're angry little elves, she says.

It's quite funny.

Midgets get angry, man.

They're just hateful people sometimes, man.

Mean, angry midgets.

Well, is it midgets or is it dwarfs?

You know, there's a difference.

I thought dwarfism is a midget.

Dwarfism is the condition, right?

Well, there's a difference between technically.

I mean, it's like I guess there's a difference

between black and white or yellow and black

and yellow and white, whatever you want to say.

But as far as that goes, there is a difference

between a midget and a dwarf.

I mean, not many people realize

what the difference is.

I thought there was polymorphic dwarf

or something like that

where the feet and hands

are proportional still.

You know, like, they're small

and the feet and hands are,

the legs are proportionate to their size.

And there's the other one where,

like, maybe their torso is shorter

and their legs are normal

and they look weirder.

And they're lower on the social totem pole.

Oh, fuck.

They're lower on the social totem pole.

well okay what it is is a dwarf is a full fully proportioned you know uh one three five ratio

style body side where dwarf is out of proportion as far as the uh like maybe the length of the

legs will be too short or the arm will be too short compared to the head and torso so that's

a little difference between them so i guess they they have their own hierarchy or you know their

own order of things.

I guess the

people that are not proportional

probably are considered

themselves the furthest away

from the norm.

But they're actually more common for people to be

dwarves than they are

midgets

than they are dwarves.

Okay.

Well, there you go, Milkman.

Master of none,

jack of all trades, master of none.

So there you go.

We've got a good crowd in the chat room.

We've got a good crowd in the chatroom, Milkman.

All right.

And they grow.

Yeah, Big Nunu's in there.

You're in there.

Lonesome's in there.

Carlito and Carlitas are both in there.

Baz, MSC3 Clay, Legend.

Legend, what's up, Legend?

Fall and Da Dead, who we already mentioned.

Dark Stranger, I think I already mentioned Baz.

Tabachi, Tabachi, Habachi is in there.

And Laugh Track Matt was in there until just a second ago.

He's in the house.

He's a big fan of Milkman.

him and he was there also now he's not he went to get beer maybe i don't know all right let's

do some prank calls come on let's quit beating around the bush yeah by the way you guys give

me a heads up i had heard that like skype had started like figuring out people that were

prank calling making a lot of calls and banning your accounts outright i had heard that rumor

is that true let me know let me know that's what's going on and let me know there's a way around it

or something i should be doing to avoid that from happening that would be much appreciated

all you guys in the know let me know if you're in the know let me know man yeah we can use google

talk too i guess i don't know i got that app for my phone that grew like me and you can place a

google talk call directly to your android and it doesn't charge your minutes on your account and

actually you know it's a pretty high quality call if you get a good connection yep yep seems to be

higher it seems to be higher quality it seems to be higher quality because from what i understand

and it goes through Pox lines at some point in the mix

instead of being pure VoIP like Skype does.

And then Microsoft bought Skype, and, you know, Microsoft, Microsoft, Microsoft.

Speaking of which, I got an iPad over here on my right.

I love this iPad.

I'm watching a chat room from the iPad tonight.

I got a keyboard for the iPad.

I got a Bluetooth keyboard, and it works with my laptop at work,

my laptop at home, my PlayStation 3,

and I even connected it to my Android milkman.

I

love those little bluetooth keyboard i got it's awesome travel keyboard i i can use it with

everything credit card size one like the one i got you showed me that milkman showed me this

credit card one on skype and i was like oh god it's just too small so it's it's uh it's about

the size of a it's maybe two-thirds the size of a standard keyboard so it's it's like okay i saw

those yeah that's like the freedom keyboard yeah yeah so i don't like i don't want to be cramped

I'm going to use a keyboard.

I want to be on the key, you know, on the keyboard.

So, but it's, dude, it practically turns my iPad into a netbook, man.

It's really fucking cool.

Oh, yeah, yeah, because then you basically can type on it, you know,

or a few thirds of the size, you can use the freedom to type on it.

I just got the small one that's the credit book size, credit card size one,

because, you know, if I'm mobile or whatever, you know,

I can just set the phone down, and instead of trying to hold the glass

and blah, blah, blah, and do all that shit,

all I got to do is just take that little thing out and just, you know,

peck at it with my finger, because that's what I would be doing

and instead of trying to do it on all the typos on the glass,

you've got little credit cards.

Plus, you know, you can control the volume and different options

through that little credit card-sized keyboard.

But, you know, you really want to do a lot of typing in full on

because you use yours more.

Yeah, I would recommend the large one as well.

Yeah.

RBCP says midgets are more hilarious than dwarves.

That's the difference.

I like that.

Nunu says phone the front desk at the convention of the midgets as a midget

and request a toilet ladder.

Very funny.

I like that idea.

Also, dude, while we were gone,

you see the Windows tablet, the Surface.

The Surface looks kind of promising.

Google came out with the Nexus 7 tablet on Monday,

which looks like shit.

Doesn't look very impressive at all.

The new build of Android called Jelly Bean

is going to be on it.

Look, I don't know.

They're not giving good reviews already?

I haven't heard no reviews.

I don't know.

know it is what it is i'll stick to android for phones and that's it um also milkman oh yeah hey

i wanted to tell you i gotta keep bullshitting i'm beating around the bush here not doing pranks

it's almost one in the morning who cares um i'm building a computer i got the part i got the build

laid out i'm gonna make the purchase probably in tomorrow morning after i think about it one last

time um i'm getting an i7 uh processor let me tell you you know here's what i did want to mention

this to what's this song playing again i want to hear that song again there we go skip that shit

um let me go to my google docs i'm getting an i7 processor it's an ivy bridge um getting a solid

state 128 samsung solid state drive for my operating system 128 gigs uh and then i'm getting

getting a terabyte um western digital caviar black uh hard drive for the data keep it in mind

that the majority of my data is on the server that i already have and i'll keep it on there

and i'll access most of my files over the network here and that's a that's two terabytes that i have

there i don't have a need for a massive hard drive in this new machine that i'm getting

um i'm also getting a geforce 6 uh geforce 670 card um i thought about getting the 690

but it's a bit too expensive right now for me i think it's like a thousand dollars if you can

find it they're hard to come by um the 680 is about 250 dollars more than the 670 and there's

only about a 13 boost in performance so i figure i'll start off with the 670 when that starts

start slowing down i'll either upgrade uh to whatever's you know hot at the time but i think

the 670 will get me by for the time being so i just wanted to throw that out there if you guys

are any of you guys are into hardware if you guys have any suggestions of what i should or should

not do um i'm gonna get a 700 750 watt power supply that was my other question 750 watts

power supply is that is that sufficient milkman do you know at all oh well okay you're basically

Basically, the power supply, you need a bigger power supply for the amount of cards you're doing.

How many cards did you say you're getting, and what kind of cards?

You're doing SLI or what?

I don't know.

I'm doing one video card on it.

Okay, here's the deal.

If you're not really going to use the video card setup as a gaming, like completely game-wild one,

yeah, you can go with lower wattage ones.

Now, the higher wattage one is required because those graphic processor units

and there's high-end cars

which are so part-intensively hungry

that you need, like, you know,

as much as, you know, 1,000 watts or more.

But you remember, your electric bill goes up

when they're running constantly.

Even if they're not using it,

they're still running.

So if you have a smaller, you know,

a greener transformer, you know,

and get the smaller one, it should be okay.

Okay.

750 should be quite sufficient.

I mean, I've run a little on, you know,

systems on wheels 350 or 400,

which is the normal ones.

they run fine

it's just whenever you do a lot of

processing frame rates and shit like that

then it starts getting power on

you should be fine

you might even consider lower

if you're not going to do without video

just to save your electric bill

alright I got you

so I'm doing what I said

I got the 128 Samsung

solid state for the OS

your processor

uses maybe 65

65 to maybe 100-some watts, period.

That's all it needs.

Yeah, per, yeah.

And, like, power packs, power packs that come on mobile,

that's why a lot of people do mobile, you know,

it's the most they'll go to 90 watts.

They're channeling anywhere from 50 to 65 watts.

So, you know, you don't actually need as much power

because a lot of that's just for the peripherals, you know,

the hardware inside the box.

Gotcha.

But just to run the system,

you don't need a whole hell of a lot of power.

You can get away with quite a bit less, say, electricity

Especially if you're not paying for it.

Gotcha.

All right, so I'm getting an Intel i7.

It's the 3770K that I'm getting.

Seems to be pretty good.

Good enough for me for the time being compared to what I got now.

I got a single core.

What's your onboard cache on that one?

I'd have to look at the specs, to be honest with you.

That's probably like top 12 megs, aren't they?

It's like 12 megs.

Dude, that is like a hot rod.

I think.

It runs pretty nice.

Oh, man.

I'm getting sick.

You're getting sick?

the cache it's

4 times 256k

for each core

256k for each core

so 256

so that's the L1

L2

that's the L2

L1 I'm looking on here and I don't find it

L2 isn't it L2

it's got 1 meg

yeah 1 meg total

I'm guessing it's 256 per core

right

I don't know if it divvies it up.

It's a quad-core Ivy Bridge.

Operates at 3.5 gigahertz with a 3.8 gigahertz turbo boot.

Does it have micro-threading built into it, too?

Yes, yes, it does.

Oh, shit.

So you're getting even more extra memory handling.

That motherfucker's going to be fast.

And I'm going with 32 gigs of RAM.

I'm going with the maximum that it's going to support.

i'm not fucking around when it comes to that man so you're going 64 operating system yeah oh yeah

totally come on man yeah totally yeah which is something else uh here's my question i haven't

yeah i'm gonna get windows 7 pro 64 bit now someone was telling me you can get them online

now like i can go to microsoft and just download buy the key and download the iso from them is that

do you know that do i go to digital river or and someone didn't even say i can go to amazon

They've been offering that for a while, but, you know, I prefer having a hard disk in my hands.

Yeah, but I can download the ISO and just burn a hard disk, you know.

But, yeah, I've got a ton of operating systems.

When I was in college, I had access to the MSD, MSDN, whatever, MSDA, whatever thing,

and you could get free operating systems.

I gave you one or two a few times from Oak Bend.

I've got, like, a whole bunch of them, but I don't have –

I had access to Windows 7 64-bit Pro, and I never got it.

I thought I had it, and I don't.

So I've got to buy it.

So I'm going to have to figure out.

Anybody out there wants to give me an idea?

If you buy the box, I think they even offer an OEM.

When you buy the full edition, it has the 64 and 32-bit both.

You purchase at the same time.

It runs right around.

Oh, it's going to run on $100 for the OS.

Maybe $130, I think, for the OS, you think?

Or is it more?

I think it's $130.

I think if you get both versions, that's going to be the box that runs about almost $200.

Maybe $175 if you search around for, like, maybe go to eBay and find somebody that's offering a good deal.

Right, right.

It's preferable to get two because if you ever want to downsize or install it on an older piece of hardware, you can still run it on a $35.

Cool, cool.

All right.

Well, that's Tech Talk for the night.

Let's get to prank calls.

let's do a real let's do one of these calls to these geek squad peoples and uh oh i need to know

what store okay i got the store here i don't know what city it's in all right katherine is the first

person who has something at the geek squad first call and fuck first call in two months man see if

we still got it a little bit later we'll open up the conference to skype people can join in if you

want to talk hang out do pranks later not now you have reached the sprint voice mailbox of

holy shit all right john is another victim possibly here let's give john a call and while

we're i'm doing the call still well you know i always gotta talk about basketball you notice i

got my new milano magic hat on miami heat i was listening that show from two months ago that i

edited by the way it's on the podcast finally last night it hit the podcast if you haven't

grabbed it yet we're caught up on the podcast finally updated i couldn't i would try to go

in there here's what happened i would try to go in there and edit that last podcast the last

show and um i was like there was a prank that i did about someone's mom and i would get sad and

i couldn't i tried editing it a long time like a month ago and i just start crying not crying you

know i get emotional and i get all sad i wouldn't do it the person you are calling does not take

unidentified calls um so yeah uh i had heard that i was i was talking forget who i was talking with

but we were trying to come up with, you know, we were talking basketball

and all this stuff, and I had said I see the Oklahoma City Thunder

going to the finals, and sure enough, I called that, and I was right.

Everyone had Spurs in the West, and I kept saying Thunder, Thunder, Thunder,

and sure enough, at least the Thunder didn't get swept.

Thunder won one.

That's all it was all about.

As long as you don't get swept like the Magic do, you're good.

I don't hate on the Heat, and I'm from Orlando, and I don't hate on the Heat.

Good team.

What do you want to do, man?

LeBron James got a ring.

Everyone wants to hate on LeBron.

He did what he wanted.

He wanted to leave Cleveland.

Why is he going to be stuck in Cleveland?

Why are you going to be...

Would you want to play basketball in Cleveland, Milkman, if you had a choice, Miami or Cleveland?

I lived in Ohio for a long time, man.

Anything in Ohio.

Exactly, right?

He had been there all his life, living in Ohio, and he got a chance.

He's in the prime of his career.

He's like the best basketball player in the league.

The only thing good about Cleveland is the flag.

You know, other than that, you've got the lake effect, super snowstorms and bullshit up there.

You know, it's not a really built-up city.

I mean, I shouldn't knock Ohio, but, you know, I mean, it's Ohio.

We probably have listeners in Ohio.

Sorry to tell you guys.

I don't know.

Well, I guess I can knock it because, like, you know, I haven't been there for many years.

I guess I get some knocks.

Yeah, you get a break.

I probably lived there long before most of these people were born.

Well, maybe not born, but while they were babies.

While they were babies.

All right, I'm trying to figure out.

I copied a number, and I don't know which one it is,

and I don't know which one it's in.

I haven't heard the highest for over 15 years, man.

Really?

Okay.

I thought you went recently or something.

Yeah, I've been on the road for a while, dude.

Like, when I met you, I'd already been on the road.

Let's see, what, about five?

Is that a Japanese for hello?

Oh, hi.

Oh, good timing.

Oh, hi.

Hello? Hello? Hello? Ohio? Hello?

Ah, let me try them again. I think they picked up.

Nunu reminded me, that's right, don't forget UK calls before people wake up.

Thank you, Nunu. Good point.

I'm sorry, but the person you called has a voicemail box.

That is not set up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.

They need to set up their voicemails, but they need to do...

Ah, let's try Big Curtis.

Plus T-Mobile, TNT. I think they're charging more for voicemail.

Mmm, I don't know.

I swear a couple people told me when they get the TNT phone,

like, they want the iPhone.

phones. They don't want to pay

the extra for the voicemail, so that's why I don't

set it up. Oh, yeah, and then you can use something else

instead anyway. You can use your app

on the iPhone machine.

New news says tell results for the Euro 2012

football. Who won?

Hey, that's a good question. Who won the Euro 2012?

I saw it last week. I totally

forgot about it this week. I saw some games.

I saw Greece got beat. Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Yes, hi. I'm calling from Geek Squad.

My name is Cross. Is this Curtis?

Is this Curtis? No, it's

richard oh richard hi richard oh yes richard i'm sorry i had the wrong number here i have your

machine here i'm working on it right now we're doing some uh overtime on your computer machine

yeah so what problem are you having exactly because this seems to be working just fine

but i did find some things here that concern me what's that there's some things on here and your

history that i'm looking at your internet history on here did you have something you need to tell

me about? No. You don't want to talk... Who is this? My name is... This isn't Geek Squad. This is

Cross with Geek Squad. All right. You're not having a number come up. What Geek Squad are

you working out of? Uh... Where's that at? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. So did you want to explain to me what

these things are on your computer? These things that you've got? No. Well... I don't know what

you're talking about. You have dirty things on here. Bullshit. There's pictures on here and

And internet sites you've been going to?

You've been going on to several conservative news?

Like you have certain opinions about our president?

Did you want to share those with me?

What is this?

I'm going to call the police.

How can I report you?

Well, you can call the store when we're open again.

Like I said, I'm working overtime right now.

Bullshit.

If you call the store now...

This is bullshit.

Your computer...

Huh?

Just wait a second.

Literally a second or do you need a few seconds?

I don't understand.

I want someone to hear this.

Who?

My girlfriend, Cheryl.

You have a girlfriend?

Listen to this guy.

Listen to this.

What?

Hi, Cheryl.

How are you doing?

Fine.

I'm working on Richard's computer here.

I'm with the Geek Squad.

How are you?

Yeah, I'm all right.

Okay.

He brought in his computer for repair, and it seems to be working fine.

But I noticed he went to several websites here that you might be concerned with that you should know about.

Yeah.

He's been visiting dating websites.

He's been visiting a site called Ashley Madison.

and plenty of fish and he says he's single according to this here yeah um were you aware

that he's having a relationship outside of what you're he's having with you no okay well he is

and he has certain opinions about our president that he that don't seem to coincide with a good

american what a good american would do now i think you've warned him about this before right

but not to do these things well i don't know what you mean about saying about our president

Well, he doesn't like Obamacare.

He said Obamacare is a shit, he said here on one of these postings that he put on the computer.

You know the Geek Squad?

Yeah, my name is Cross.

Hello?

Yeah, I'm here.

All right, so why did you say these things about the Democrats?

I don't know what you're talking about.

You said bad things about the President and the Democrats on this interview.

Bullshit.

It says that you said bad things.

You don't like the President?

You don't like Obamacare?

Is that what it is?

Sure, I love Obamacare.

That's not what you put here.

You said bad things about him.

Your book's full of shit.

Okay, and then why are you going to dating websites

when you have a girlfriend?

That's none of your business.

So you are going to dating websites

when you have a girlfriend, right?

It's none of your business.

Well, you signed the paper

when you left your computer here, right?

They gave me permission to fix it

and look at your things,

your pictures and your internet history?

No, you didn't do that.

I didn't do that.

Didn't you sign a paper

and agree to this when you came in?

Huh?

You signed the agreement when you left the computer here.

You read off my work order and tell me what it says.

It says, Richard's computer doesn't work. Fixed computer.

That's all they give me.

They say, fix this stupid person's computer, and I'm fixing it.

Oh, that's bullshit.

You've got to have something else on there.

I'm not required to tell you things, private things like that, sir.

What do you mean, private?

It's my computer.

I'm the one that sat there and told him what to do.

Well, what do you need done exactly?

Because this work order here doesn't seem to be complete.

Well, you're the one with the work order.

You have to read it.

Well, I don't know.

Do I have to put it?

What's the code for the computer in my computer that I put in?

I don't know.

Well, I'm by myself now, so I'm kind of confused.

I don't know what to do exactly.

Why don't you call back in the morning?

Because I don't get this fixed tonight.

Then we're going to have to charge you extra time and labor.

No, you're not, because you're full of shit.

That's it. I've got a geek squad. Everything's paid for.

Well, you're confusing the facts here, sir, and I'm going to put a nuisance fee on here of $200 for an extra hour of work

because you're not cooperating here to give me the information to fix this computer.

You're the weirdest freak I've ever heard of, man. This is rich.

No, my name is... You know, you're rich. I'm not rich.

What's your name?

My name is Cross.

Cross?

Cross.

How do you spell that?

C-R-O-S-S. Cross.

What's your first name?

That is my first name.

What's your last name?

I don't get my last name out because there's people out there who, you know, get nasty and rude and try to do bad things to me.

What is...

What is what?

What's so funny?

Richard.

Oh, he hung up.

What are you doing?

You're talking about this bullshit.

That guy sounds like you.

I'm kind of wondering if that was like, you know, that was like a fake at my senior sister.

That milkman, that's exactly what you sound like.

I know you don't know what you sound like.

You know how they say people, you sound different.

Don't sound like that, McCarty.

All right.

This is Geek Squad.

Those aren't Geek Squad.

All right, let's call Dale, Big Dale instead.

Working overtime.

Hello?

Yes, hi, this is Cross with Geek Squad.

Is Dale there?

He left his computer machine here.

Uh, yeah.

What do you mean?

It's, uh, is this Best Buy?

Well, I'm with Geek Squad at Best Buy, yes.

Inside the Best Buy.

The Geek Squad's inside the Best Buy.

It's midnight.

I know, I'm working overtime.

I'm working on the stupid computer for him.

Because he messed it up.

He screwed it up again.

Who?

Uh, what's his name here?

Dale?

Yeah.

Yeah, he screwed up the stupid computer game.

Because he's stupid.

You know?

So I'm...

Yeah, she wasn't very considerate, thinking about this kind of news.

Hello?

Listen, if I don't fix this computer, I'm going to charge you an extra fee for extra labor if I don't fix it tonight.

Okay?

Okay.

I'm calling Best Buy tomorrow because we talked to them earlier, and you're full of it.

I don't know what's going on.

Well, the computer isn't going to be fixed unless you cooperate with me now.

I need this information, and if not, then you're not going to get your computer back for, like, another week.

I'm going to send it to the depot in India to get fixed instead.

And what I'm going to do is I'm going to replace it with a Macintosh instead.

If you work on the computer, what is the deal?

Okay, this, I called us earlier.

Uh-huh.

And don't talk.

It's midnight, and you're calling us.

There's a problem with the UK series PSUL 775 unit in here.

That's what the problem is.

Okay.

Okay, so he didn't leave the information about his PSUL-775.

Okay, we talked to Best Buy earlier.

They had their information.

Everything was being done.

Well, I think since you're not cooperating, I'm going to send this to the depot instead.

He's got trouble with his PU-55Y.

It's been bleeding a lot lately.

It's an ID-10T error.

All right, David.

David, let's call David instead.

Can we call Geek Squad?

The P3N1S is not working correctly either.

The Explosive Space Modulator isn't working.

Yeah, I heard that.

I started to hear the Marvin, and then I started thinking about what we did before with the Geek Squad.

Hello, is this Dave?

David?

Yeah.

David, I'm calling from Geek Squad.

My name is Cross.

I'm working on your computer machine here, and you understand there's a problem with the PSUL 775 series in here?

That's the computer machine?

So what did you need done exactly?

I'm working overtime trying to get this ready for you.

What's the stupid problem?

Uh-huh.

Okay, so I'm looking at this computer machine here,

and the viruses came from your Internet history.

So did you want to tell me about these websites that you went to

that you're not supposed to go to?

Well, David, why did you mess up the computer again?

What happened?

My name is Cross.

I'm with the Geek Squad.

Listen, if you don't cooperate with me,

we're going to charge you for extra labor

because I got to get it finished fixed tonight,

night and then what we're going to do is we're going to replace your computer all together with

a macintosh computer and that's going to be at your at the cost of the customer well weren't

you instructed not to go to websites that have viruses on them none of them really get upset

i don't understand hp 55y is acting up man he's calling best buy now

we are not available now please leave your name and phone number after the beep return your call

David, this is Cross from Geek Squad Machine

calling back about your computer machine

that's not working because you went to the

sites with the viruses on them again

after he picked up an arrow.

Oh, man. I would flip

if someone called me from Geek Squad

talking bullshit.

What number did I call?

Okay, good. I had the right one.

Now we have Luisa who has two computers there.

Luisa. She sounds Hispanic. This must

be good. This is going to be good.

Yeah, he's got problems with his

Illudium Space Monde, really.

Oh, I wanted to mention all our Madhouse listeners who like beer.

My favorite beer from Puerto Rico, Medalla,

which I've talked about on the show before,

is now finally available in the United States.

Oh, I like El Presidente, too.

That's a good beer.

That's a Dominican beer.

What's wrong with you?

Why would you drink that?

Well, because it's good.

It's better than dog piss.

I feel like it's a little bit better than the Red Stripe.

It is a good beer.

You have reached Melissa,

Melissa, and I am unable to take your call at this time.

Please leave a message.

No log there.

All right.

We'll call Ann.

Ann here instead.

Ann left the computer at the Geek Squad.

Going through these again, these are Geek Squad,

where we're calling them super late at night

to complain about their computer machines.

You're listening to Madhouse Radio.

We are live for the first of the...

Yeah, that last one sounded like it had a crackable voice.

It was a little cool, you know.

We're returning your call.

That was an actual answer machine.

You're right, Milkman.

You have reached the voicemail box of...

Uh, we got Big Patty.

Patricia.

Let's see if she answers.

We should do a 4th of July show, Milkman.

I'll be off that day.

Yes, hello, Patricia?

Yes, this is Cross.

I'm calling from Geek Squad at Best Buy.

Hi,

I'm calling about your computer. My name is Cross with Best Buy.

Geek Squad, I understand you left your computer machine here?

Uh-huh.

Okay, and what did you do to it this time? Why did you mess it up again?

Mess it up again.

You have again, because you obviously really messed up this computer. You don't know how to use it?

Yes, I know how to.

Do you know how to turn it on?

Yes, I know how to turn it on.

All right, so why is it not working?

Because this isn't clear to me here.

It doesn't even start at all right now.

I lost slower.

You lost the blue E?

Yes.

Okay, well, why did you get the iPhone instead?

Why did I what?

Well, you should have gotten an iPhone machine instead of this computer

because you don't know how to use a computer.

I know how to use a computer, mister.

Well, the confusion is because we had you down as Patricia.

Trish, someone thought your name was Pat.

Do you go by Pat?

Yes, I do.

Well, they were thinking that you were a man because of Pat.

Well, I'm not.

I know.

Obviously, now we know that you're not a man.

You're a woman, and that's the problem.

That's why you shouldn't have a computer.

What's it going to cost to fix it?

Well, since you're not cooperating with me and I'm having to work overtime overnight,

it's like 1230 in the morning now.

It's going to cost you an extra $200 because it's overtime hours now.

Well, just forget it then.

Well, I already started fixing it.

It's too late now, so...

Well, I'm not paying $200 overtime to fix it.

Well, how much did you want to pay?

They gave me...

Right.

Okay, so you don't want to pay the extra $200 for me to fix it for you tonight?

Not tonight, no.

All right, well then, I'm going to have to send it to Russia.

There's a computer company in Russia called Adventuring Computers.

Don't send it anywhere.

Well, I already got the label printed out.

I don't care. Don't send it anywhere.

Well, you'll have to pay for the shipping because I already paid for the shipping.

It's $200.

I'm not paying for the shipping. Cancel it.

Do you want me to put in a PSU-L775 or 755 in here?

I'll be by tomorrow and pick up the computer.

How long do you need Internet Explorer for?

I can give it to you for 30 days then and that's it.

All right.

For $200, you can only use a computer for 30 days and you have to bring it in

and you're going to get a Macintosh Apple computer instead.

Don't download it, Dan.

Just leave it.

It's already downloaded.

It's on here on the computer.

I'm not paying $200.

Do you want me to take it off?

Take it off.

Well, for me to take it off,

I have to hit the computer with a hammer to break it, all right?

And I dropped the computer in an accident,

and the screen, like the part where the screen connects,

I think I broke it.

So that's like another $50 to fix it.

I'm not paying you dollars when it was your fault.

Well, it was an accident.

I don't care if it was.

I'm not liable for accidents because you don't know how to use your computer and you had to leave it here.

Look, I'll be by there tomorrow to pick up the damn computer.

We're closed.

Do not.

We're going to close tomorrow.

What time?

We're closed all day tomorrow for 4th of July.

Then I'll pick it up on Monday.

Well, we're closed too.

I just said it was 4th of July.

You don't understand?

Are you stupid?

it yeah the fourth of july is wednesday i know exactly what i'm saying so we're closed until

friday i'll put up the damn computer as soon as i can all right well if you want the computer back

you need to give the 200 for the repair plus 200 over time plus 50 no i'm not giving you an extra

200 for overtime no and also plus 50 because i dropped it that's your problem not mine now here's

is a good thing internet explorer is free good internet explorer is free but i i have to charge

you the money to put it on there because i'm a smart i'm a computer person i'm smart and i know

how to fix computers well good for you i know how to pick them up oh yeah you know how to pick them

up and drop them you did that i didn't i'm putting down here that you dropped the computer and that's

why it's not working i did not drop computer well i put it in the paper in the computer it says

Because that customer dropped the computer and broke it.

And she's stupid and she doesn't know what to do.

Look, fella.

I had it with you.

Computer.

As soon as I can.

And I'm not paying you anything extra.

Did you put pornography on here?

What's this pornography?

There is no pornography on it.

There's a black man with his penis outside.

His penis is sticking out of his pants.

And he's touching his penis.

I paid it.

That's enough.

His penis.

There is no pornography on it.

There's a penis on here.

I don't care if there is.

Leave it alone.

Penis.

How many penises are on this computer?

Tell me.

Bitch, what are you talking about?

There's a penis on here.

What's this sonography doing on there?

He dropped it.

That's awesome.

There's a penis on there.

What did he say?

What's a penis doing on there?

There's a penis on there.

You're supposed to keep that in your pants.

There's three penises.

Where the hell are you from, Kentucky?

turkey yeah there's like five penises on the computer pictures of penises on the why the hell

are you so vain taking pictures of yourself no they're not my pictures don't be they'll be rude

and nasty and say bad words like that hey don't be rude and nasty to the kids and the 65 and i put

my computers look at it with penises on them we don't give a shit what they look like do you know

what a penis looks like is that why you're you were curious yes yes ma'am i'm sorry where did

Where did you grow up? Out in a cave somewhere? Your parents didn't tell you anything?

I grew up in Kentucky.

That probably explains it.

Yeah, it's the greatest state in the Union.

Yeah, boys carrying around their peckers out of pockets all the time.

The penises, yeah. That's why you're into people that have penises.

Man, you are so far out in the left field. The computer will be picked up as soon as possible.

You will pay for the computer to be... I already fixed the computer.

I took the penises off and I replaced them with a vagina.

You know, I don't talk with your supervisor, sir.

Oh, whatever.

I am the supervisor.

Well, you have a boss, and we will find him.

Nope.

I won't tell you who he is.

Don't worry.

We'll find him.

Son of a bitch.

Great guess on me.

God damn it.

I don't need to be here at work looking at penises.

Old wrinkled penises.

It's a five-year-old.

You hear that milkman in Kentucky.

They walk around with their peckers.

Is that what she said?

Yeah, their peckers.

That's a country girl.

that's too funny though give me a moment here while i relight my lighter my cigar i bought a

lighter a decent a good lighter man i got a butane lighter man she wanted the flame jet on

yeah it's got double double flames on it that lady was pretty pleased i mean overall with the

service i guess i guess oh they took on an explorer they put a penis on there i like that

Hey, let's do this.

It's called Robert.

He's got a computer with a penis on it.

Oh, my.

Hey.

Excuse me.

Is Robert there?

I think.

This is he, Robert.

My name is Cross.

I'm with Geek Squad.

I have your computer machine here.

Yeah.

All right.

I understand, according to this, that you had a problem with the computer.

Yeah.

How many penises are on the computer?

Oh, sure.

Yeah, you have a lot of pictures of penises here, it looks like.

Yeah.

is that what was wrong or what do you need done to it i'm not sure do you want me to put more

penises on it i'll let you just go to hell please i want to fix your computer i guess i came off too

strong this is best buy a bunch of people gonna show up at best buy tomorrow someone call me

stands for penis control someone call me about penises penises i like that word it's a fun word

and the penis yes hello hello robert you robert all right robert ain't talking no more uh let's

see how many more of these we got we got uh rachel valerie and ronald and aaron still um

we'll start call we'll call a few more of those in a moment uh in the meantime i would like some

uk numbers uh from lonesome and i may have them already maybe let's see the dew drop hotel instead

said that you drop in do drop hotels in washington that's cool uh we got a different hotel in hawaii

also here uh no numbers in the uk yet that i know of oh but i got some old numbers in the uk

let's start off with patrick uh what can we do in the uk what do i usually do there i forget

already man i haven't done a show in so long i forget what i do with the uk i wake them up right

should ask them about wake up calls ask about their toilet hello yes hello i'm looking for

For Patrick.

No.

What do you mean, no?

God damn.

No.

I'm going to try again.

Oh, dear.

That was an indication you need to re-dial immediately.

Yep.

Hello.

Don't you say no to me.

You put Patrick on the phone.

There's no Patrick here.

Is this Brady?

You never dentured me in front of a lot of stuff.

What do you want?

Yes, can you make sure that there's no Patrick there?

Can you ask around in the house?

No one in the house.

Can you check?

Only me.

Can you check the bathroom?

Flush the toilet?

Let's see if there's anyone there.

There's no one in the house.

Only me.

What about the toilet?

Toilet?

I know who's in the house.

Okay.

Huge time.

I'm seriously ill.

What do you have?

Pardon?

What do you have?

Why are you ill?

I've got leukemia.

What's that?

And you're making...

What?

How long you have to...

Oh, please, please, get off the phone.

Please.

If you use the toilet and you have leukemia, can it spread?

No.

It's not contagious?

No, it's your blood.

Anyway, who are you?

My name is Cross.

I'm calling from the National Geek Squad Administration.

We're trying to fix the computers.

We haven't got a computer.

We have a computer that calls people on the telephone.

Yeah, I know you have it, and you're a bloody nuisance.

You're past six, and you're making me keep getting up,

and I am on a walking frame.

Well, can you just stay up, and I'd like some eggs, please, scrambled eggs, and do you have any bacon?

Oh, please, don't ring again.

Please, make me a sandwich, please.

What?

Please, just make me a breakfast sandwich, please.

I'm hungry.

I can't make a breakfast.

I am ill.

Oh, you get sick if you put the, you get people sick with your food?

Someone has to come in and do my food.

Now, are you satisfied now?

I can't do anything.

And you're making me get up and talk to you.

So please, don't ring back.

Well, what, someone comes in, does your cooking, your breakfast for you?

Look, what do you want to know all that for?

Well, I'm just curious, because I was thinking maybe I could put in...

I know you're curious, and I am simply ill.

You're making me worse.

So please don't ring back asking me stupid questions.

Okay.

I have to have someone to come in and do everything for me.

Could you leave a message for that person who comes in in the morning to cook for you?

Sure.

Can you please just write this down?

I won't have to bother you again.

Pardon?

If you write this down, I'll leave a message for that person who comes in.

I cannot write down.

Well, can you remember it?

I can't get to anything to write it down.

Now, please, will you stop?

You've run me three times, and you're upsetting me.

Can you remember this, then, what I'm going to tell you?

Can you remember?

No, I can't remember anything.

Now, shut up, and please, don't ring me back.

Then how do you remember that I called you once already if you can't remember anything?

Because you've made me get up out of a chair.

Oh.

I'm not in bed.

I'm in a chair.

Why?

Oh.

And I'm sick too.

If you try laying down, you might feel better.

Did you try laying down on the bed and sleeping there?

What did you say then?

If you can try laying down on the bed and sleeping there, you know?

Doctor, this is stupid.

You're not going to get anything out of me because I don't, I'm here on my own.

And stop annoying me, please.

On my own.

And let me go and sit down.

On my own.

That's bad, Wilkman.

I feel bad now.

Oh, my.

Poor lady.

She's out of flaskers.

I feel bad.

I'd leave her alone.

Terrible bacon.

Is she seriously ill?

She is.

Hello.

Is this Patrick there?

Is the Patrick there?

Sorry?

Patrick.

Yes, hold on a second.

Hurry up.

Patrick?

Yeah?

Patrick, what took so long for you to get to the phone?

Hello, Danny.

What took you so long to get to the phone?

I was in bed.

Oh.

Were you sleeping?

What's that?

Were you sleeping still?

Damn it.

I don't know.

Oh, no.

You weren't sleeping?

It's only 20 to 7 now.

Oh, do you just wake up?

Yeah.

Oh, are you having breakfast soon?

No, no, no.

Not for a while.

Half hour.

I have a bath in the shower first.

Oh, you're going to use the toilet?

Yeah, I will, yeah.

What, are you going to sit down in the toilet for a while?

No, no, no.

You stand up and urinate?

Do you ever make a pee-pee in the shower when you take a shower?

No.

You don't?

So where do you pee?

In the toilet?

Yeah.

Okay.

And when you have breakfast, were you planning on having eggs or anything?

Or what are you having today?

Oh, no.

I just have mostly have porridge and a cup of tea.

Okay.

Could you put an order for your wife to make some scrambled eggs for me?

Yeah.

I don't know about that.

We don't do eggs.

Oh, you just...

What else does she make there for breakfast?

Does she make pancakes?

Sometimes, yeah.

Okay, I have to go now.

Can you put her on the phone?

No, she's gone back to bed.

Well, can you please have her make some pancakes for me and you?

Yeah, okay.

And then I'll kiss you.

Porridge.

Who eats porridge?

What is porridge, anyway?

Is that like oatmeal?

Well, kind of.

It's like grains.

Yes.

Porridge.

Do you add sugar to it or raisins?

What?

When you eat your porridge, do you add anything to it like raisins or sugar or butter?

I do add everything.

Okay.

Listen, I can't talk to you anymore.

There's somebody coming in.

Who's coming in?

Liar

He said it in Irish

I said I couldn't talk to you at all

Porridge

That would have been a good one to have Reclute on

Can you imagine

I keep wanting to call Reclute

At work to get a hold of him

I got his work phone number

I don't know man

I don't think he likes prank calls anymore

Yes hi

Are you eating porridge this morning

Or are you going to make pancakes

Or what are you having for breakfast

Who is it calling?

This is Patrick.

Who are you?

My name is Cross.

And who are you? Why are you ringing me?

Well, I was wanting to put an order in for breakfast. I'm hungry, and I know you're awake now.

Oh, no, I think you have the wrong number.

This is Patrick Baker, right?

Yeah, what's that?

Uh-huh.

Well, it's not talking sense, what you're saying.

Well, you're going to have breakfast here soon, right?

You're awake, and you're going to take a shower and a bath and use the toilet?

We're not away. We're at home.

Well, yeah, you're at home, but when are you going to use the bathroom when you wake up, right?

Yes.

Okay, so after you use the bathroom and you use the toilet and you defecate and urinate and you take...

Are you going to take a shower or do you just go right to your breakfast after that?

I don't understand what you're talking about, I'm afraid.

Well, listen, when do you eat? Do you take a shower in the morning or do you...

That has nothing to do... I'm winging off. I'm sorry. This is nonsense.

I want breakfast, please.

I'm hungry.

Where are you?

I'm outside the door.

Well, I think I better get the police.

No, no, no.

Come on.

I just need food.

I'm hungry.

I'm homeless.

I'm a traveler.

Irish traveler.

I'm sorry.

I'm an Irish traveler.

I'm getting the police to come.

Don't.

Come on.

Please.

Just give me some porridge or eggs.

Do you have eggs?

Look.

What?

Will you please go away?

Can I have breakfast first?

I'm an Irish traveler.

Some bacon, a bit of cheese.

Porridge and tea.

Eskimo is Mr. Baby.

Welcome to BT answer 1571.

The person you're calling is not available.

Please leave a message after the tone.

No, no, I won't do that.

Moving right along, here we go with the next call.

Nigel Bevan.

Nigel in the United Kingdom.

Yeah, I had to hit dial.

Duh.

I take call at the conference.

Duh.

Excuse me.

Yes, hello.

Um, Nigel told me to give a call here about having breakfast with you guys this morning.

Um.

He left a message?

He's getting out of the mess.

He's getting out of the mess?

What?

Hello?

Yes, uh, Nigel, you asked me to call for breakfast this morning?

Uh, Mitchell Bevan, is that the right name?

Oh, yes, yes, I'm calling for Nigel Bevan.

My name is Max Velocity.

Uh, remind me the subject.

Sorry, I'm, I'm...

The subject is breakfast.

Uh, would you like breakfast for, uh, $50, $500, or $1,000?

Well, you're going to get up.

If you woke up already, I don't know if you did,

you're going to be using the bathroom, and you're going to use the toilet.

And I wanted to see after that, then it's time for breakfast,

and you eat your breakfast, right?

Okay, is there going to be more?

No, no, when you eat breakfast,

and I wanted to go ahead and place an order

and let you know what I wanted your wife to make for me.

I would like a breakfast sandwich with egg whites, Irish cheese, please,

if you don't mind, no butter.

I don't like that.

Okay, great idea.

A little bit of salt and pepper on that, please.

My name is Cross.

I'm outside. I'm an Irish traveler. I'm in my caravan.

Great. I've not seen one of those outside.

Okay. Well, no, no, no. I'm on my way.

And then while we eat breakfast, then your wife will stand in front of us,

and we will look at your wife and comment on her.

Okay. Well, I'll be looking out for you. Thanks very much.

We'll look at her body, look at her privates.

Hello? Okay.

Alright, that wasn't too good. Brian!

Instead, we'll call Brian.

That doesn't seem to be a very British name, but we'll call it

Brian here.

British.

Yes, hello, Brian.

Speaking. Hi, Brian. I'd like

to make my request here for breakfast

for this morning. Hello?

Alright, I'm going to stop with the breakfast thing. That's stupid.

We got prank call requests

here that we can do, though. Let's get to those.

Just a moment.

Cigar with Smoking Milkman, I don't like it that much

It's the second one I have

I forgot what they're called, they're Prensados

They're like, they're Alec something

And they came recommended

And I tried them, and the first one I had

I got about halfway and stopped pulling

And that one did the same thing

I don't think I'm going to buy those anymore

So instead I'm going to have a Rocky Patel here

I don't know, Milkman, you don't smoke cigars

But this Rocky Patel is a great cigar brand

By an Indian man

An Indian fellow

Who used to be an accountant

or he was like a lawyer or something and he he represented arnold schwarzenegger and some other

the big people in hollywood and arnold schwarzenegger is a big cigar smoking fan i don't know if you

knew that he's a big cigar smoker and uh through arnold and smoking he got into smoking cigars

and being indian he had contacts in india and he started the first tobacco uh like he was like the

the first to start this big tobacco trade in India.

Started up some tobacco farms in India, like a co-op almost,

and he gets his tobacco straight from India,

and he makes these awesome, awesome cigars.

Again, they're called Rocky Patel.

If I can find my cigar cutter, I will smoke it because I'm pissed off.

Look at that.

This is how far I got.

I mean, the cigar, it's still.

I'll compare the Rocky Patel to this one.

I think it's a Cameroon.

I think these are Cameroon wrappers, yeah.

But I didn't get that.

There's still plenty of cigar here left, and it goes out.

It doesn't pull right.

I don't like these cigars.

They're shit.

They came recommended, and I'm just upset, beyond upset.

So now where is my cigar cutter?

Milkman, what did I do with my cigar cutter?

Might have fell down right by your feet there.

Oh, good point.

Let me see.

Let me play some music.

Milkman, are you okay if we let some people come in on Skype for a little bit?

Kind of help float the boat a little bit?

All right, guys, if you're listening and you want to join on Skype,

we can get a conference going.

I got some numbers from Lonesome Loser.

We can call some more of these Geek Squad machines also.

Now's the time.

Madhouse.radio on Skype.

Start calling in.

We'll start dialing you in while I find my cigar cutter.

We'll be right back in a second.

Oh, Milkman, you were right.

Right at my feet, man.

You are smart.

Well, you just sat in there and probably got bumped with your elbows during your move.

I'm confused as to what happened.

Somebody asked about how to donate to Madhouse using Paytab.

Oh, there's something.

Let me explain that.

Do not donate to Madhouse for the time being because fucking...

Let me get Tabachi in here real quick

before I lose him.

Hey,

Tabachi, you're on the line.

Horse. What's up? Horse.

Someone's asking

how to donate to Madhouse.

The PayPal thing,

they they closed they banned my they didn't ban the account um but they froze it and um i i was

able to use a majority we had we got a lot of donations a few months ago and i was able to use

a majority of them there's like 30 worth of donations locked in there right now that can't

get accessed and um they won't let me access it unless i send proof like i gotta send like um

bank statements and all this shit i don't know what happened or why it happened

so I took down all the links

for PayPal donation

I'd rather not go through that

I'll try to open up a new account in a few months

or something, a different one

and get it all set up

Isn't there like, doesn't Google have that one

you can use now instead?

I don't know, does Google Wallet take that kind of stuff?

Yeah, I think you're supposed to

be replacing the whole credit card

deal on PayPal

I don't know, well the good thing with PayPal

was like, you know, for PayPal then I would use those funds

for Skype and I would use

those funds for

the web hosting and I would

use them for the shoutcast server that

I got you know it was a direct thing

didn't have to launder the money

anywhere it was you know in one end out the

other but

I don't think there's going to be a

when I was doing that I was even saying guys you know

just maybe I'll take donations you know

for one week out of you know

every quarter every three months

just to get a little bit to work with but

right now I think I'm

i think um we're okay i'll be able to manage for now no worries uh book something bazooka man is

here hey bazooka man hey it's baz hey baz how you doing man doing good good to hear you back bro

thanks man thanks for having me thanks everyone for your support hey uh carlito i i had a problem

with my paypal account about a year ago and there's a customer service number you can call

have you tried that well here's what happened what i didn't like with paypal was like it would give

give my first and last name my real first and last name to anybody who gave a donation

uh and i really didn't want like the ability for someone let's say if someone was upset

at a prank call they could make a donation of you know a dollar and find out my real first and last

name if they caught on to it so i didn't know that's not a good idea so i just set it up as

a business account and it said manhouse radio well i i didn't i guess i guess what happened

was well like oh well if you're a business account you gotta have a business id and all

all this shit um so i i don't know i don't know yeah if if you don't verify yourself after

receiving a certain amount of funds and are transferring it to a bank account they'll just

kill you they'll snap you off like that yeah and i wasn't even transferring them i was just trying

to uh make payments i was just paying direct you know from there like i said but i don't know they

all think you're a terrorist i guess i'll incorporate madhouse when they make a corporation

or something that'd be cool yeah that'd be cool have uh madhouse uh uh checks say madhouse radio

incorporated on them or something i don't know how to go about that yeah i want to get into that ipo

yeah there we go right we could do an ipo so shares why don't you just get your secured

credit card and use that account that's what i did you can put whatever you want on the secured

credit card because you're gonna do that online or by phone yeah yeah that's another way to do it i

I guess, but the thing was for people to be able to donate, you know, without them.

Well, you know, that way, you know, you put that different name on your credit card,

and that's the one when they're donating on the PayPal, it's going to go to that card.

Yeah, I don't know.

I could just say I'm Mike Tucker, you know, that'd be cool.

What do you want, Mike Tucker?

I could say that, like, yeah, Mike Tucker, and then we'd be cool, we'd be in the green.

Yeah, so Baz is here, Tabachi, Milkman, of course, I guess, is here also.

Like him or not, he's here.

and uh tabachi what happened last i mean i was listening last night and did you drop out

like i was i had worked all day in the heat and like i was just nodding off in front of the

computer so i i literally walked into a room and just fell asleep wow yeah i crashed hard i i almost

didn't even bother doing a show because you know i sucked i can't even do any pranks i was so tired

well i was listening it was good there was like a mexican guy all upset i was listening and like

Like, I think I got up to get some water, and I came back, and it was like a Madhouse episode I was playing.

I was like, what the fuck?

Yeah, we ran for 50 minutes, and I was just exhausted.

Well, it happens.

It's cool.

All right.

Well, we got some numbers here.

I hope we got numbers in Estonia.

Awesome.

I don't know if we ever called Estonia.

Let me go from the top of the list here for Lonesome Loser.

He sent in a lot of numbers, and I have gotten to none of them here.

Did you do any of the midget calls, or we're not going to go with that?

Oh, yeah, I got those here, too.

So, what do you think, Milkman?

Should we call Lonesome Loser numbers, or should we do the Midget Calls, the Midget Convention first?

Well, now you already queued up Lonesome Loser, so go ahead and get him, and then maybe, you know, move back to try Midget Calls.

Where's it at?

What time is it?

It's already, like, 11 here, so they're probably not going to get much out of the Midget Convention.

Midget Convention is in Dallas, Texas, so it's an hour, it's one in the morning.

But it's a hotel, it's a hotel, and they're partying, you know, they're probably partying right now.

All right.

Party and midgets.

Let's start out that way.

Midget party, yeah.

But in the meantime, we've got the Golding Living Center in Pennsylvania,

and they're mean to their old people that stay there and stuff.

Let's do that.

Tabachi, you want to do a call, or do you just want to hang out?

Sure.

All right.

I think I'll hold off for a call or two.

You guys can take the first ones.

All right.

Let's do it.

I'll do this one then.

I'm trying to look for some details on that midget convention right now.

Nunu can hook you up.

He's got a whole...

I think it's the Little People of America.

Yeah.

Golden Living Center, East Mountain Manor.

This is Tammy speaking.

How may I help you?

Hi, Big Tammy.

My name is Cross.

This is the Golden Living Center machine.

I'm sorry?

This is the Golden Living Center machine.

Machine?

Yeah.

Well, this is Golden Living Center, but I'm not a machine.

Well, this is the machine, the Golden Living Center, East Mountain machine.

Hold on one moment, please.

Why?

Can I help you?

Yeah, what was I holding for?

Pardon me?

She said to hold on for a minute.

Why?

Who is calling?

My name is Cross.

Don't be nasty with me.

Who are you looking for?

Well, I was calling because of the machine,

the Golden Living Center East Mountain machine.

What machine?

Oh, this is a machine where they watch people who are infirm and old.

And they're what?

And they're old.

Again, who are you looking for?

My name is Cross,

and I'm looking for the people who work at the Golden Living Center machine.

Regarding what?

Regarding the water.

What water?

The quality of the water.

The water smells like cigarettes, I understand.

then god they're nasty they are mean holy shit i love it when they get upset about the machine

thing like they're they take a personal personal they take a personal we say machine

thank you for east mountain this is trevor how can i help you hi big trevor i was talking to

is her name tammy yes yeah she was saying that there was a problem with the water there

i'm calling about what i want oh my god geez well the living center east mountain manor this is

This is Tammy speaking.

Can I help you?

Yeah, Tammy, I wanted to tell you what I was calling about.

You didn't have to be like that.

Okay, well, explain.

Okay, well, this is the Golding Living Center East Mountain Machine that I'm calling.

My name is Cross.

I'm with the water.

And we understand that it was a problem with the water,

so we're going to bring the horse over to horse.

We have a horse tester.

The horse comes, and he drinks the water, and he smells around.

And then he provides a report about the water.

What's in the water?

There's a problem with the water.

and then we can tell you exactly what's wrong with Internet Explorer

and why it's not working.

That's wonderful.

That's amazing.

Okay, so the report that comes out of the horse,

basically after he drinks the water,

then he processes it inside his body

and it comes out in his urine

and then someone drinks the urine

and they can tell you exactly what's going on.

The horse is intelligent.

Wow.

Yes.

It doesn't say much about the person though, huh?

This is a professional business, okay?

Okay.

All right.

So who's the manager there?

They're not available at the moment.

Stupid bitch.

Can I help you with anything?

Yes, the computer.

Oh, it's sleeping at the moment.

Can you please hit the control alt and wake it up?

Sure.

Let me let you talk to the computer.

Hold on, please.

A group of men seem close to all the adults.

The morning of the TV, the bicep press, the leg press, the compound row, the neck machine, and the low back machine.

We'll be right back.

I think she's going to come back.

It's talking about machines.

Probably.

It's talking about machines.

Did you hear it?

The low-back machine.

All right.

Tabachi, you're from around here.

What's up with Wawa?

Is that a grocery store?

What is it exactly?

It's like one of those quick trip, what do you want to call them?

Convenience store?

It's like the 7-Eleven of Pennsylvania, New Jersey.

All right.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

I was calling about the computer machine.

Yes.

I was just to talk to someone about the computers.

This is Mrs. Ed.

What do you mean?

Mr. Red is unavailable at the moment.

What?

Is it a horse thing?

Is that what you're trying to say?

Nah.

That is really good.

I like you.

You know what?

I actually love myself probably even more than you like me.

Oh, you're loving yourself right now?

I do.

I think I'm amazing, and I'm a little busy at the moment.

Did you read?

Have you read Fifty Shades?

If you'll excuse us.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Hold on.

The computer is talking to me.

Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey?

Oh, my God.

She's having a good time with us.

There's more people like this.

No choosing a health care facility is a difficult decision.

That's why we want you to be aware of all the options available here at Golden Living Center East Mountain.

Whether you're investigating...

This is a wah-wah machine?

Huh?

This is the wah-wah machine, damn it.

...asset in finding a community that best suits your needs.

There's a better way to narrow your list than with a tour of our living center.

I forgot how to do prank calls, apparently.

I think you're doing just fine tonight.

Hello?

Yeah, man, you're rocking.

Yes. Call her.

They just hung up. I don't know about Rocky.

I don't want to go

too far. Oh, you can. You can say that.

It's fine. It's a good warm-up show.

Yeah, it's a good return. Yeah, man.

You guys hear Alex Trebek had a heart attack? I can't believe that.

I used to have this fake fact all the time

that I'd tell people it was complete bullshit,

but people were like, oh, that's a good one. I didn't know that.

I used to tell them that

Alex Trebek was a sniper in Vietnam.

I don't know why I used to say that to people

all the time. People would talk about

Jeff like, oh, yeah, did you know Alex Trebek was a sniper

in vietnam like really but they could actually they actually believed it like oh yeah people

i think i think they used to say that um mr rogers was a sniper in vietnam was like an old

wife's it was like an old urban legend it wasn't true yeah i heard that one before yeah but that's

blah was bullshit he never was a sniper you know i think he was probably on the air as mr rogers

during the vietnam war yeah that's i remember someone had that argument they're like oh he was

on he was on the air back then during the war yes hi this is in and out mini mark yes oh that's

good do you guys have hot dogs there the hot dogs oh the sandwiches what do they put in the

sandwiches there how was the sandwiches is it good oh yeah barbecue sandwiches okay and what

do you put in it barbecue beef barbecue yeah do you put the barbecue in there yes okay how much

bread does it take to cover a whole barbecue machine is that like you know you bring in the

barbecue from outside right that you cook with yeah so you bring the the big machine we don't

do it with the machine we buy the second stupid what is that huh what did you say uh stupid

and you you have a barbecue outside yeah it says bakery smoked barbecue season beef biscuit okay

but the barbecue goes on we put it in the bun just stupid the the barbecue is outside right

Not outside.

It's in the freezer.

So it's not a barbecue.

It's a freezer.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm sorry.

Okay, so you...

And then you put it on the barbecue?

Yes, sir.

Just give me a second.

No.

It pisses me off when people say barbecue.

I put barbecue on it.

It's stupid.

You should ask him if he uses real charcoal or the compressed briquettes.

I put frying pan in it.

That's the same thing, but I put stove in it.

I've had this complaint before how they say Hamburg barbecue in Pennsylvania all the time.

Oh, yeah.

God!

We're all stupid aces up here.

How about barbecue?

if someone if i worked at a restaurant someone ordered a hamburger barbecue you know what i

would do to that person let's sell them a hamburger with barbecue sauce on it do you

know in the philippines they have banana cube they barbecue bananas hey wait a minute i've

done that before and it's really good man yeah awesome dude come on you know what i i talked

about this before i take bananas and i i mash them i cut them in a few pieces and i put it in

the microwave for a few seconds like 30 seconds oh that sounds great yeah you mash them and then

Then I would freeze it.

They seriously call it banana queue in the Philippines.

Oh, those Filipinos.

We got the Breakers Hotel here.

A hotel called Breakers in Honolulu, my favorite state.

Let's do it.

My arm's hurting me.

I don't know how much longer I'm going to go because I don't have the juice.

It's late.

That's part of the problem.

Yeah, kidding.

Hey, man, we appreciate what you've given tonight.

Hey, man, thanks for having me.

The Breakers.

Hey, can I have room 112, please?

Sure.

What's the name?

Well, I'm with the taxi.

My name is Cross.

I'm not sure who it is

It's a pickup

Oh, okay, hold on

That's the best way around that issue

There's no answer

Why not?

Nobody there

Well, it says 112 here on the computer

What computer?

My computer

Oh, I don't know, I don't know

Let me see, hang on

This is the taxi computer

What does your computer say?

The Breakers Hotel, right?

Yeah, the Breakers Hotel

What's your computer say about that room?

Well, our computer says nothing about that one

It's occupied, but there's nobody there now

Well, there's obviously a problem there

Do you think they're okay?

Yeah, we're fine

No, they are fine in 112.

They're fine.

They're not here.

Well, knock on the door, please.

I can't do that.

Oh, come on.

What's your name?

Damn it.

Oh, boy.

All right, let's call this Little People of America.

Do you get any word on the street about that, Tabachi, that we should know about?

Other than it's a Little People conference?

No, there's not a whole lot.

This is the Little People Association of Texas and Louisiana.

and um it it is only people who are no taller than four feet and ten inches so

might be fun calling and it's it's also by membership so you could fuck with them and

claim that their membership's been cut whatever you want to say i thought it'd be funny to call

dr mengela and say i want to i'm going to test you or what i'm going to do i'm going to do

experiments yeah all right cool let's do it was it was it dr mengela that used to do that shit

in the Nazi days.

Yep.

Twins and midgets.

By the way, lifetime membership to this club is $750.

Welcome to the Sheraton Dallas.

Life is better when shared.

If you know the extension of the person you wish to reach,

you may dial it now.

To access the dial-by-name directory, press Start.

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The Sheraton Sweet Sweeper Bed

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You can now buy your own Sweet Sweeper Bed

High bar for quality, that's why your call may be recorded

Thanks for calling the Sheraton, this is Sarah, how can I help you?

Yes, my name is Gary Arnold, I'm the president of the Little People of America National Conference Machine

Okay

And I need a delivery.

I need a ladder for the toilet so I can get up and use the toilet.

Are you at the hotel right now?

Well, I wanted to use the lobby bathroom toilet.

I know, but are you at the hotel right now is what I'm asking.

Well, that's the question here.

If I'm going to stay there, I'm the president, you understand, of this association.

And I'm going to need about a three-foot ladder that will allow me to get up on the toilet and sit down on the toilet.

and i think you know what happens from there right well i understand that but sir i'm in

the reservations department this is your request would be something that the hotel itself would

take care of well yeah of course what do you do there i'm in central reservations i'm not at the

hotel oh well what happened why am i not talking i called the front desk did you request the

reservations department or did you press zero well this stupid computer machine on the phone

just says all this stuff and i don't understand okay the best thing to do would be to call back

Back and press zero to speak to the front desk.

Can you hit zero for me, please?

Unfortunately, I can't.

I can't transfer you back to the hotel.

But I can't reach it.

I'm sorry.

I can't.

There's nothing that I can do.

I can't transfer you back to the hotel.

I don't have that capability.

Can you call the Dallas Sheraton, please?

I can't make phone calls out either, sir.

What good are you, then?

I'm good here for reservations, sir.

All right, put down a reservation, then.

When did you want to check in?

I checked in last night already.

Okay, well, I make future reservations.

You only deal with future purposes?

Yes.

And you just sit there and you be pretty?

Sir, is there a reservation that I can make for you on a future date?

Yes. Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey? Have you read that?

No, sir, I haven't.

You should read it. It's very good. It's a very good book.

I've heard it's a wonderful book.

Yeah, there's a sexual accident and everything. They talk about sexual things.

Sir, if you're not going to make a reservation, then I'm going to release the call.

Who told you about Fifty Shades of Grey?

I heard it on the news.

What do they say, that it's a dirty book?

Sir, again, if you're not going to make a reservation, I'm going to be forced to hang up the call.

Okay, I'd like to make a reservation for the Dallas Sheraton for tomorrow.

And how many guests will be accompanying you?

Fifty Shades of Grey is a book about, it's a woman.

Sure, I'm going to hang up the call. Thank you for calling the Dallas. Bye-bye.

Let me just tell you, please.

My wife, she's read that book. She's on the third one now.

She's read

In two days

She's read a book

In two books and a half

Welcome to the Sheraton Dallas

Life is better when shared

If you know the extension

Of the person you wish to meet

Please hold

We'd like you to be part of our

Starwood Preferred Guest Community

It's an honor

Morning

Thank you for calling Sheraton Dallas

My name is Alice

I'm a director

I was just reading this book here

Fifty Shades of Grey

And I need to use the bathroom

I need to use the toilet

Where sir?

Inside my room

But

What's your room number?

My name is Gary Arnold. I'm the president of the Little People of America National Conference Machine.

Gary Arnold? Which one is the last name?

Arnold.

Arnold. Okay. And your room number, please?

I don't know what it is. I'm with the hotel.

And you're inside the room?

Yeah, I need to use the toilet.

What happened? You can't open it?

Well, I can't reach it because I'm a midget. I'm a little person.

You can't reach the toilet?

No, because I have short legs.

Okay, so you need help to assist you with that?

Yeah, can someone come here and pull down my pants and put me in the toilet?

Okay, sir.

I'll send somebody, okay?

To pull down my pants?

What's your room number?

I don't know what it is.

Bill Bradford took care of this for me.

Well, sir, you're calling from outside number.

Can you call from your room?

I can't reach it.

I can't.

I'm stuck in here.

Hold on one moment, okay?

Please help me.

Tabachi, you smoke cigars or are you a girl?

I'm a girl.

Enigmatic pussy.

You can do anything, man.

Nope.

Sober life.

I don't get it, man.

I was going to give you $100 to take me to a strip club,

but you're like, I don't like going to bars.

I was like, all right, fine.

Yep.

Fine, loser.

Don't go.

Yep.

Hey, hey, there's a reason why I'm a phone loser.

Yeah.

It's taking too long.

Let's see what else we can do.

Yes, sir.

We'll have somebody up there, okay?

Okay.

Have you read the book Fifty Shades of Grey?

I'm sorry?

Have you read this book, Fifty Shades of Grey?

No, sir, I have not.

Have you heard about it?

What's the title of it?

Fifty Shades of Grey.

no sir oh you should get it do you have an ipad or an iphone no i do not do you have a computer

i do not what do you mean you don't have a computer do you work with paper hello

they gone yeah whatever yeah my wife's been reading that book non-stop for the last two

days and i love it because she doesn't bother me she does nothing but read that stupid book

did you see the two numbers i pasted in the chat for you i have an alternate hotel number

and the sports bar number yeah i don't know let's see the thing with this conference is like what

am i gonna do you know sometimes i don't know i don't know just throwing more numbers there for

the hotel all right cool uh hotel sports bar okay let's do it see if they're open yeah 2 30 on a

saturday oh 1 30 1 30 that's right dialing no i'll try again no no busy line's busy all right

Tony Roma's in Guam

I didn't know Tony Roma's existed anymore

Yeah really

I got the nastiest steak in Tony Roma's once man

The manager came by

And he's like cut in that steak

And see how good it is

And it was raw

You know what I made tonight

I made carne asada

It was awesome

Sounds good

And Mexican food

Why

Can you speak up

Hello.

Hi, I can hear you.

Hello.

Yeah, I can hear you now.

Hi.

Hello.

Hi, I can hear you, stupid.

Yes, may I have the line, please?

Yeah, my name is Cross.

I had a complaint about this steak.

This steak, sir?

Yeah, I got a steak with ribs.

Ribs with a steak on the side.

Okay, sir.

I'll put you on hold, and I'll transfer you to my manager about it, please.

Okay, I'll have that, sir.

Good.

I've got a ton of numbers in England here, too.

Woo-hoo!

Hello, thank you for calling.

I'm Esther speaking.

How may I help you?

Is this the manager?

Yes, sir.

Oh, listen, I have a complaint about the steak.

For takeout or was it a dine-in?

It was a takeout steak, okay?

And when I got home, it was cold.

What temperature was the takeout for today?

Yeah, I took it out today and I got home about two hours later

and the steak and all the food was cold.

temperature did you uh request for

I ordered a temperature 150 degrees in the oven for 30 minutes.

Um, let me just go ahead and pull up your check, okay?

No.

You ordering it from Tony Romo's tumor?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got a steak with potatoes and computers.

Let me just go ahead and pull up your check.

God damn it.

Hello?

Damn it.

I'm sorry, sir.

I said, God damn it.

Uh-oh.

Give me a minute and I'll go ahead and pull up your check.

God damn it.

Sorry?

Do you know what God damn it is?

I'm just wondering why you would say that.

I don't know why you're asking me what God damn it means.

I didn't.

Kindly hold, sir.

Let me go ahead and pull up your check.

No, I will not kindly hold.

I will hold, but not kindly.

I will say God damn it.

I'm sorry, sir.

Can I get your name real quick?

My name is Cross.

God damn it.

Righto.

Please let me go ahead and pull up your check.

No.

Okay, sir.

Okay, what?

I said no.

I don't want to hold.

I want you to fix this without pulling up the check and without asking me to hold.

I cannot assist you if I don't see your check.

and with the takeout orders normally they'll stay hot but it's stored in a foam plate so

if you didn't get home till two until two hours later then probably the time in between could

have caused the food to get cold maybe but it didn't no one warned me about that before i left

right and it doesn't say that on the package it doesn't say anything like that our food when it's

ready to eat as soon as it comes out being that it was cooked well i told them i told them i told

told the person it was going to be two hours and i said no problem two hours from the time you

placed the order yeah four hours from the time you picked it up when i picked it up so when you

picked it up it took two hours to get home i got home and i watched tv i watched i played some

basketball i had sex with my wife and things like this and then after that then food was cold that's

not right um usually food gets you could food gets cold if you ordered it and took it home and

No, do you think maybe I shouldn't have had sex with my wife?

I'm sorry?

Do you think maybe I shouldn't have had sex with my wife?

I'm sorry?

You know, sex with my wife.

I had sex with my wife for like two hours.

You know what?

Hold on.

Let me find another manager to help you.

I'm sorry.

Can we hold?

No.

Whoa.

Hey, Ernie.

Thanks for holding.

Yes, listen.

I got home.

I got home, and I had sex with my wife, and then the food was cold after that.

What's that?

I'm sorry, sir?

I got food from your place, and I came home, and I had sex with my wife for two hours,

and the food is cold, and that's not acceptable.

Yeah, and two hours is pretty long, sir.

I'm pretty sure anything...

Well, I'm a man.

I bring the ruckus, okay?

Okay.

I gets mine.

And what?

You know what I mean?

What's that?

I gets mine.

I brings the ruckus.

What do I do for you?

Well, I want you guys to give me instructions on how to warm up the food.

You want instructions on how to warm up the food?

Yeah, and I want a refund because this food is cold.

I can't eat this cold.

Let me talk to you to the general manager.

Oh, my God.

Manager this, manager that.

Yeah.

How many managers do you have there, young man?

Gets mine.

Artie, you ever have two-hour-long sex sessions?

How many do you have, man?

I've had two-minute-long sex.

Two minutes too long.

Artie, you still with the girl with the stinky pussy?

No, I actually got a blowjob from another fat Hispanic chick the other morning.

Hey, thank you for calling.

Hi.

Is this the same guy again?

I'm sorry, are you doing a take-out order or a reservation?

Well, I made an order for take-out, okay?

Oh, order for take-out.

And then I brought the steak and the mashed potatoes home and it was cold.

I'm sorry?

The food was cold when I went to eat it.

Take-out order?

Yes, I placed a take-out order, man.

Come on, man.

And you said you had mashed potatoes.

I had mashed potatoes, steak, and ribs.

What?

One moment.

Oh, God damn it.

God.

Who is this now?

This is Russ.

And what do you want?

Huh?

What do you do there?

I work here.

What do you do? Are you a manager?

Yes, sir. Can I help you?

Well, I come home and I had a takeout order with steak and ribs and mashed potatoes.

I'm sorry, sir. I think you probably had the wrong restaurant because we don't have mashed potatoes, sir.

Do you have steak and ribs?

Yes, we do have steak and ribs, sir.

Well, I had that part and it was cold. Why?

I'm sorry, sir.

What do you mean you're sorry?

Sorry that your steak was cold.

Yeah, well, I want you to fix it.

Okay.

I want to have four steaks made for me.

Hot steaks.

I want four hot steaks.

Ma'am.

Sir.

Yes, ma'am.

What?

Why don't you come here and get your steaks?

What does that mean?

Come here and get your steaks.

You don't even know what I want on the steaks.

Listen, I have a wife here in post-orgasmic euphoria

because I had sex with her for two hours, okay?

And I have cold steak.

Whatever.

Talked like fighting.

Yeah, you did it now.

That's where the blowjob occurred, though.

All right, tell me about this blowjob.

I want to know.

Tell me.

It was in a crowded Daytona Beach parking lot.

Oh, man, really?

How much was it?

Yeah.

I picked it up in Orange City, then we started talking,

and I don't know if she was all there, though.

That's the thing.

She's like, hey, want to go to the beach?

I'm like, yeah, I don't have a swimsuit, though.

I'm like, oh, we can go skinny dipping.

In the beach?

In Daytona?

Yeah, it was like the middle of the night.

Okay.

The police are pretty hot out there, man.

You got to watch out.

but anyway go ahead yeah we went skinny dipping and when she took her clothes off she was a lot

fatter than i thought she was but i still let her suck my dick nice so what parking lot was it

we're in daytona i'm not sure because i just found the first fucking entrance to the beach

it was really dark really was a splash point park was it there you know um those soda machines and

shit yeah yeah soda machines to parking and there's like a little kind of like a wooden

boardwalk area there kind of it's it's right next to this um volusia county building yeah yeah okay

yeah splash point park yeah dude they they catch prostitutes there all the time you sure she wasn't

a prostitute or something no i picked up an orange city oh man yeah i know i know i know

somebody who had gone out in daytona she was all dressed up and she had to pee really bad like at

two in the morning and she went to that same parking lot that same park that has bathrooms

and the coke machines and shit,

and the cops showed up and thought she was a prostitute.

They thought she was a prostitute.

They were going to arrest her.

But then this chick became a clinger.

Oh, man.

You want to hear the message she left on my machine?

Yes.

But you'd have to call me on my cell phone.

Okay.

You want me to call you on your cell phone now, then?

All right.

I'll do that.

I'll do that right now.

Bye.

All right.

Bye.

So it was an adventure with Artie, isn't it?

I mean...

Oh, yeah.

God.

Man of many stories.

I don't know.

Yeah, because I was just listening to that episode where he was talking about the girl with the stinky box.

I don't know if he got out of that whole mess or not yet.

Evil.

I don't have a cell phone.

Let me see.

Let's see.

Yes, I do.

Other.

Excuse me.

I think we're going to wrap up the show here pretty soon.

Okay.

Let's hear this.

Oh, that's the other thing.

She says she has a personality disorder.

Uh-huh.

And sometimes she calls me Joe and other times she calls me Jason.

Okay.

Isn't that weird?

Yeah, I guess.

That should be a red flag right there, man.

That's a red flag right there, man.

I know.

No kidding.

All right.

I want to hear this voicemail.

Let's hear her.

Hold on.

I got to put it on hold for a few seconds.

Mm-hmm.

In the meantime, we got England numbers here.

If you guys want to hop in and do some calls here, help me out, and we'll call it a night.

It's 3 in the morning, just about.

Hey, man.

I just love that Cobbler's guy number.

I don't know his name.

I'm sure I do.

To listen to your messages, press 1.

To send a message, press first saved message.

Hey, Jason, it's Noemi.

Just wondering how you're doing.

Message saved.

Jason.

Next message.

Tell me this isn't scary.

Hello, it's Noemi.

Just calling to say hi and want to see how you're doing.

Wondering, I'd like to see you again.

Like, really, I do.

You should come see me today.

Yeah, I know it's late, but it was later yesterday anyway.

So, yeah, you should come and see me, and we should hang out because I want to see you.

I'll be on OkCupid on my DS, so just hop on, and it'd be nice to see you today.

Anyway, take care.

Bye-bye.

Wow.

To replay, press 4.

To erase, press 7.

To return this call, press 8.

To save, press 9.

To hear all options, press 0.

Hit pound?

Try pound.

Message skipped.

Next message.

Message saved.

There are no more messages.

Main menu.

I'll call you back.

To listen to your messages, press 1.

Geez, yeah, she does sound like a clinger, doesn't she?

Sounds like a schizophrenic.

She sounds like she likes you.

She sounds like she likes you, though, man.

Yeah, she's scary.

The Jason thing's scary, though.

Does she outright say, like, my one personality will call you Jason and my other one will call you Joe?

No, she doesn't.

Oh, okay, okay.

Wow, how old is she?

She says she masters 23, but my brother says she looks 38.

Oh, and she what?

What, she masturbates?

No way.

No, she said she masturbated, she masturbates with her tarot cards.

Wow.

Okay.

Like, she uses the cards, or she's like, has the cards on?

She uses the cards.

To masturbate with, as an object to?

Yeah, yeah.

That's weird.

Yeah, man, that's weird.

I wouldn't do, I wouldn't mess with that, man.

Yeah.

Wow.

Dude, you and that OKCupid thing is going to get you killed one day, man.

I know.

I've actually.

Good.

Good, man.

After her.

OK, cool.

We're going to call England.

Tabachi, do a prank on England, please, man.

Help me.

All right.

We're going to call E.J. Boyd Wallace.

E.J. Boyd Wallace in England.

We can get out of here soon.

Sorry I haven't talked to you already.

You know my mom died.

I know Athena talked to you and all that, but I haven't really talked to anybody.

But I'm back.

8-9-1-5-8-8.

Hi.

How are you going?

Is Mr. Wallace there?

Please speak, please.

Hello.

Please put me on with Mr. Wallace.

This is Edgar down at the power plant.

This is Edgar.

Hey, girl.

Filthy little cunt put me on within him.

Hello?

I don't think they're going to talk to us.

No, man.

Sorry, dude.

DJ Windsor is next.

Artie, you want to do a call to England?

No?

Artie?

Hello, Artie?

Nope.

We called him before this.

Dude, it's late.

Oh.

I remember that name.

I already called him.

Hello?

Yes.

Hello.

Is DJ there?

Hello?

Go ahead, Artie.

I'm sorry.

Hey, how you doing?

Peaceful.

She liked you.

Oh, yeah.

Let me do this one.

I got this one.

Hello?

Yeah, what happened?

and why'd you say that

to my friend to piss off?

What's that about?

Because you're funny, mate.

It's freaking 8 o'clock

in the pissing morning.

I'm very fucking cute

and it's Sunday.

You got two teeth

and it's Sunday?

It's true.

I've got two children

and it's Sunday

fucking morning.

Okay, so are you going

to have oatmeal or porridge

or what are you having

this morning?

She asked for black pudding.

She short talks fast.

God damn.

She said she had two teeth.

I have two teeth

and it's Sunday.

Hello?

I'd like to inform you

that your horse escaped.

Alright, she's gone. She left.

Well, she's upset, but she's gone.

Janet King instead in England also.

Here we go. Janet.

I think the battery in my mouse is going out.

Shit. My mouse, god damn you.

You're a rabbit.

It's tarot cards. I don't think it's tarot.

Not tarot. Tarot.

Yes, hello. Is Big Janet there?

Big Janet. Janet King?

Yeah, what's up?

Well, it's me. I'm her friend. Her guy friend.

You know, we hang out sometimes.

You what?

We hang out sometimes.

She makes me breakfast in the morning.

She makes you breakfast in the morning, does she?

Yes, she does.

It tastes good.

Hey, honey.

Yeah.

Hello?

Yes, hi, Janet.

I'd like to let you know what I want for breakfast.

I beg your pardon?

I want to let you know what I want for breakfast.

I don't do your breakfast.

Oh, yes, you do, honey.

Remember?

Oh, no, I don't.

You've got the wrong number.

Janet King makes my breakfast for me in the morning.

No, she does not.

Yes, she does, too.

I want my breakfast.

She's got some explaining to do.

Oh, she does.

She does.

Does she?

Do you want to know what I've been eating a lot of lately?

What?

Those taquitos at Racetrack.

Hello?

Yeah, Janet, she's got to make my breakfast.

I'm hungry.

You don't want to piss off, mate.

No, I don't.

She's my wife.

And if you start giving me a little bit of shit, mate,

you're going to get bloody trouble.

I'll have you bloody traced and bloody brought down over, mate.

Listen, I don't even know what you're saying.

I'm American.

I just know that Janet kisses me all over my body

and puts tarot cards on top of me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then you want to piss off and stay in America then, mate.

That's what you want to do.

Well, I'm not in America now.

I'm in the hotel.

I've been waiting for her all night.

She didn't show up.

Yeah, you want to pee, do you?

Yeah, shut up.

Fuck off.

Make my breakfast.

Fuck off.

Yeah.

All right.

It's a call again.

Yeah, let me call back.

Welcome to voicemail.

The person you have called is unavailable.

Please leave a message after the tone.

Next one, 106.

Calling 106, Maureen King.

Yes, Maureen, is she there?

Who's asking?

This is a friend of hers, a guy I hang out with her in the mornings.

She makes my breakfast sometimes.

You've got the wrong number.

Well, no, Maureen King likes to, you know, we kiss and we hold hands and we talk about her husband.

No, you've got the wrong number, Prince.

Is this her husband?

Goodbye.

You stupid, asshole, stupid shit.

Put the phone down.

Go piss off, you shit.

Cobblers.

Arty.

I accidentally hit end instead of mute.

Ah, you dummy.

All right.

All right, and we'll call George Davies.

I think this is the last one here.

All right.

This is it.

Because I'm not an eight cents worth of credit.

You want to call Noemi?

No.

I'm going to get you in trouble.

I'll get to the moment.

Is this George?

I'm sorry?

Is this the Davies, George Davies?

That's right, I guess.

Oh, good.

Listen, I wanted breakfast.

I wanted to tell your wife I wanted breakfast this morning for her to make me a breakfast,

a nice breakfast.

What are you talking about breakfast for? I don't understand you.

Well, breakfast is what you eat in the morning.

Oh, no, I know what it is, but why are you saying it to me now on the telephone?

Oh, because I'm hungry, you know? I want breakfast.

Come on, let's not waste any time. What do you want?

I just want a nice breakfast with porridge and eggs on the side.

You'll not get one on this telephone number or this house. You're wasting your time here.

Oh, do you? Who makes your breakfast for you? Do you?

I make my breakfast. Yeah, that's none of your business.

Oh, what are you having today?

Sorry?

What are you going to have for breakfast?

Hello?

Not enough Skype credit.

It cut me off.

All right, we're done.

Damn.

I was going to ask him about black pudding.

Yeah, I know.

I forgot the black pudding thing.

All right, well, we're out of here.

Thanks, you guys.

Artie, you're out of here on your ass.

Have a good night, man.

Bye.

Later, bro.

Bye, Artie.

There goes Artie.

And Baz, Big Baz, you're out of here, too.

Thanks for joining.

Good night.

Bye.

There goes him.

Tabachi, it's your turn.

Team Horse for the win.

Yes, Team Horse always wins.

Bye.

That's Tabachi.

And then Milkman, you're here.

While you're on your ass.

Oh, hot.

Milkman.

All right, take us out of here, Milkman.

I'm going to go eat breakfast.

I'm going to go get some breakfast.

What a great comeback, huh?

Huh, folks?

Well, I tell you.

Hermanito back in the house.

Well, I'd like to thank you definitely for listening.

I'd like to thank the big load of losers.

It's man out there.

We couldn't do it without your fondness.

and also Nunu for providing

good numbers. I'd like to thank all our

friends right there in the chat, the 9846

amount. I'd like to thank our friends over there

at Cacti Radio Network. Thank you

so much. Thank you Mr.

WWWTableweb

wherever the hell you're at.

And in absentia, I'd like to thank also

our friends and missing

cohort of recluse.

And I'd like to thank you, especially you

our listener. That's right, we do this

every week for you. We provide the

fun. We just ask you to stop by.

we got the time

and you give us the time

and share a smile

and better yet

bring a friend

or worse yet

you can even bring an enemy

and they're welcome here

in the Madhouse as well

thank you

Hermanito

our main man

our hit man

our number man

our killer out there

to kick some ass

on the phone tonight

and keep us all tickled

with your ear ball

panting

styling

my Hermanito

the Generalissimo

thank you so much

for having me my brother

yay

thanks Milkman

for being on

kiss my pussy

and we're out of here

we'll be on uh we'll be on thursday i suppose thursday is a good enough day i think right

isn't that we uh we do a show thing on thursday we do a show thing on thursday it hasn't been

done to happen always stop by and check in because you never know we might actually be on the air

this time yes i'll make an effort no i'm not going to make an effort i i commit myself

keep an eye on the forums too there's always good information there sometimes the chat will

have good info yeah the forums i suppose it is all right so uh thanks everyone for hanging in

there there and while the while it was gone you know gone for a while thanks all for understanding

thanks again for your kind words and all that stuff and uh okay bye bye guys

Calls (22, 1 h 24 min of 2 h 23 min)

Transcript

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