The King of Thailand is an Asshole

Listen to me, you go in your house and tell your mom to teach you, okay?

You asshole! Fuck you!

Hey, hey, hey.

I'm not playing no fucking games, man.

I, I fuck you, son of a bitch!

Stop making us keep calling!

You're out of your crazy mind!

You ain't getting no goddamn dollars.

I'll fuck you. All my block.

You're smart, perfect.

Why don't you piss off?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

Fuck you, bitch, motherfucker.

What the fuck is that?

All the people boo me.

Good evening, everybody.

I'm good.

Why boo your leader?

Golf claps.

William P. wants golf claps.

Okay, thanks.

Good evening, everybody.

This is Madhouse Radio.

I'm Carlito, your host.

Milkman is here, your co-host.

We do show.

It's show night.

Come on, we go.

This way, this way.

It's prank night in America.

So good to hear your melodious tones.

This is super complete.

Thank you.

Of course, I'm here tonight.

I know you've got some serious militia business to take in.

And we readily await, my friend.

We are here, man.

We're going to do businesses.

Thank you, Milkman, for the intro.

Thank you for your support.

Everyone, be sure to hit me up with your prank call requests, your comments, concerns, issues, problems, and threats.

You can do all of those.

Tonight, manhouselive.com contains a chat room that Milkman paid for.

He had an expert programmer receive money.

He paid a lot of money.

and milkman we thank you for that um a chat room that is above the standards it works on all

computer machines it works yeah it works on macintoshes i understand and also works on

blackberries so good and it also works on nokia phones and palm os it's a beautiful thing anyway

madhouse live.com is the site uh for that we also got our podcast links prank calls are up there

Oh, my God, there's so much shit.

There's so much shit.

Check it out, madhouselive.com.

If you want to hit me up tonight, you can.

The messengers, if you're still stuck in five years ago,

AOL on Yahoo Instant Messenger, Madhouse Radio.

Again, if you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger,

hit me up on Madhouse Radio.

If you're using MSN Messenger, madhouseatlive.com.

Be sure to follow my Twitter tweet feed, Twitter tweet.

That's madhouse on Twitter.

Madhouse Live on Facebook.

Of course, Milkman is here, as I said before.

Milkman, it's good to talk to you.

As Milkman was mentioning, I've got a new computer here.

I built a new computer.

We're using a new computer here for the first time.

Yeah, what kind of hardware are you sporting there?

Well, I talked about this on the last show.

What am I running here?

It's right next to me.

You can see it on the video feed.

I have a quad-core 3.5 gigahertz processor in there.

It's an Intel i7.

I maxed out with 32 gigs of RAM.

Maxed out the board.

Well, that's good.

It's actually handling the video and the shellcasting,

so there should be no more excuses for it.

There should be no more buffering, no more issues with video,

hopefully for at least a few years.

Hopefully this gets us at least for like three or four years

with some good quality stuff.

I've got a decent quality graphics card.

I have a GTX 670, GeForce GTX 670.

It's a pretty good card.

actually the most expensive component of the build was the graphics card um i'm kind of let

down man i i was like all right i'm gonna play diablo 3 i had uh i got it right here

friend of mine bought diablo 3 on release day and he got these guests over the key no one else

uses it they got these guest passes for diablo 3 so i can play up to the first act in diablo 3 i

was excited i played the shit out of diablo 2 and i'm a big fan of blizzard i'm not really a fan

in a world of warcraft but i played starcraft the first one a lot i played diablo 2 a lot

almost two and a half years i played diablo 2 um a big fan of starcraft 2 as a matter of fact i

played that i got i bought that release day i enjoyed it uh i got diablo 3 i must say it's

kind of boring it's good and i played it with all the all my graphics endings all the way at the top

you know and it's just still that's kind of boring i played maybe 20 minutes of it i haven't played

played it again so i'm kind of let down any suggestions out there for some a good game that

i can use to take advantage of my new graphics card and all the stuff that i'm running here um

let me know i i just started playing starcraft 2 instead i installed starcraft 2 on there instead

um for the time being i don't know i thought about maybe um getting battlefield 3 but i own

that for playstation 3 it's kind of stupid for me to own it on playstation 3 then spend money to

I buy it on the PC.

You know one thing I don't like?

The audio is kind of tinny.

I'm going to have to make some audio adjustments here in the next few days.

Do you have a dedicated audio card or sound card, or is it on board?

I'm using on board because the on board sound had grave reviews for this motherboard.

Yeah, really good reviews, so I went with the on board.

I just have to tweak the settings.

It sounds too, I don't know how to describe it.

It sounds too tinny, I don't know, the music.

And it didn't sound like this during...

You keep saying maybe you can adjust.

Oh, excuse me.

Yes, maybe that's it.

But that's that, man.

Anyway, I wanted to make a change here from what we normally do.

Usually I start bullshitting like I am already.

And, you know, usually like maybe 40, 50 minutes into the show,

then we start doing prank calls.

I say for the moment let's just call the U.K. real quick

and do some pranks to the U.K.

And then we'll come back and do some talking.

Milkman, how's that sound?

The other people come here for prank calls.

I say we do some prank calls right off the bat, right?

And the people don't make it early enough, then they have to catch it on the podcast.

Here we go.

We're calling the UK.

Yes, hello.

Is George around?

Yes, who is it, please?

Oh, well, my name is Born.

B-O-U-R-N-E.

Make sure you spell that right when you tell them who I am.

This is Big George.

How are you, George?

Who is it?

This is Born.

I'm calling from Chicago, Illinois.

Illinois. I'm calling from the National Water

Association.

We had a concern. According to the computer

here, the water that you use in your home...

Hello? Sir?

That's not nice.

I think he hung up. I don't know. I heard a click.

What was that about?

No, they just picked up and hung right up.

Instead, we're going to call Christopher in the UK.

What time is it GMT, Milkman?

Any idea?

4.18.

I'm asking you.

Yes, hello. Is Christopher there?

It's not available to take your call.

If you'd like to leave your number and a short message, we'll get back to you on our return.

Thank you.

Hello, hello, hello.

It's not like she said hello.

She had one of those Milkman voicemails where they say hello first, you know, and make you start talking.

It's 315 is what the chat's reporting.

315, gotcha.

Thank you, sir.

I appreciate that.

That helps me out.

Thank you, chat.

Thank you, chat room.

I gotta just, I gotta just, uh, on the, on the big sign for the video feed on the day

of the show, it comes up and it says, you know, Madhouse Live tonight, and it gives,

you know, 10 p.m. Eastern, 7 p.m. Pacific, and I had it saying 5 p.m., 5 a.m. GMT.

Man, I was way off.

Now I'm embarrassed about that.

Now I gotta fix that shit.

Henry.

Henry Black.

The real Blackhead.

Hello, this is Henry.

Who's this?

Hi, this is Cross.

How are you, sir?

Hello.

What do you, what, can I help you?

Oh, you could help me by explaining something here.

Now, I'm a little confused.

I'm reading this pamphlet that explains how to make eggs.

Wait a minute.

Do you know it's 24-3 in the morning?

Not here where I am.

I'm in the United States.

I'm sorry.

You've just woken a baby.

I'll have to ring up.

Oh, you don't have a baby.

You're like 80 years old.

Hello, sir.

Sorry, I have one of those old dolls.

Welcome to BT Answer 1571.

Crazy old man thinks he has a baby.

That does sound like the guy, Wee-Wee.

Wee-Wee.

Wee-Wee, is that you?

Wee-Wee.

You said it just like him.

I don't think it was him.

Wee-Wee.

How dare you disturb my dog?

My dog, my beautiful Wee-Wee.

What was it all about, you know?

Was it a dog?

Was it a chicken?

It sounded like the lady said it was a chicken, you know?

Nah, I don't...

It's the weirdest thing.

This couple's in bed in the dark.

The guy's crawling on the floor, apparently,

looking for some type of animal who he thinks is in distress.

And it's me the whole time making stupid noises on the phone

that he thought he had hung up.

Hello. Your call cannot be taken at the moment,

so please leave your message after the tone.

Ah, all right.

And I dropped my mouse. Beautiful.

How am I going to play music if I don't have my mouse to hit the player?

No, man. What do I do? I need hotkeys, you know?

Oh, my goodness.

Chloe must have struck.

Got to set up some multimedia hotkeys.

I need to set that up.

Just saying.

Milkman, work on that.

Let's continue on.

Did some more UK calls here.

Big thank you to everyone who's in the chat room tonight.

I'm sure we got some request to pranks also that are sitting in the pipe.

We'll get to those in just a moment.

We got some special guests that joined tonight, actually.

Do we?

We haven't seen Ellie in forever and a day.

You want to welcome her back?

That's good, yes.

Ellie's here.

That's excellent.

I'm very happy about that.

Somebody's posing to be Prank Hamster as well.

You know, that's not...

Oh, yeah, Milkman, I want to explain to you.

That's not Prank Master.

That's Prank Master Jay.

There's a different Prank Master now.

There's a...

He doesn't...

I was listening...

When was it?

Two weekends ago, I think.

Uh-huh.

Tabachi was doing a show,

and this guy calling himself Prank Master Jay called in.

Oh, God.

And they even asked him,

wait a minute, is this Prank Master?

Master Carlito has a Prankmaster that he talks about sometimes on his show,

and he's like, no, I don't know, no.

That's so good.

Whatever this guy is, man, he better do his homework and change his handle

because that is not a proud handle to carry.

Well, Prankmaster isn't Prankmaster anymore.

He's Major Chaos now.

Now we have Prankmaster Jim.

I know, but, I mean, that's just like, you know, still using that name, man.

That's like a tainted name.

Yeah, that's like using, I don't know, what's the name of him?

Let's play the famous gangbang call later on, maybe during the break,

so this prankmaster J-Cat can actually hear the kind of legacy he's trying to carry on with that name.

And maybe he'll reconsider.

You think he'll reconsider? I don't know.

I would hope so, after hearing that foolishness.

Yeah, that's like having your name Hitler.

Like Adolf, you know? It's like having Adolf.

Name your kid Adolf. You wouldn't do that, right?

I wouldn't name my kid Adolf.

That's like naming your kid Pete.

Yeah, or Michael Jackson.

So, yeah, you know, the Adolf is a cool-ass name.

If you ask me, I think that's bullshit, that fucker.

No one ever is going to name their kid Adolf again, but, you know,

I think Adolf is an awesome, awesome name.

Bruno Vega would be a good name if you're going to, you know, pick up a huge name.

I still want Adolf to come back, and I want that mustache to come back also,

the Adolf mustache, you know.

That would be awesome.

People started wearing that.

Hey, a little shoe polish, man.

Tickle your nose.

There you go.

J-Rad sending a request to prank here.

This is my uncle.

I'm not sure what the premise should be.

Just as long as it doesn't involve my name.

I've never heard him pissed off, but if there's anyone who can do it, it's you.

Thanks, man.

Thanks for the pressure.

I appreciate it.

Thank you.

Baz has sent in a number for Szechuan First in Kent, Washington.

Ask about menu item H21.

it's called assorted pork and beef miscellany it is what it is actually pig and cow organs

and spicy szechuan sauce probably something funny you can do with that sounds good all right let's

call szechuan first awesome um i will be honest with you i am doing a show but i am becoming sick

sick as in i'm getting a cold you can probably tell already i'm sneezing a lot my tonsils are

are very swollen and uh i'm hanging in there i don't know that i can make it till one o'clock

in the morning though i'm gonna try i'm just warning you guys we'll give it a major attempt

got a bit of a sinus pressure going on i'm gonna talk to you hello how are you is this

yes good i like to talk about the fist and the foods that you have and make an order for food

and this is the thing where you make the food and i come and i pick it up and i give you monies and

and you give it to me, and I go home and I eat this food.

Okay, so who would you like to order right now?

I would like to tell you what I like to have to eat, and you write it down.

What?

I want to tell you what I like to eat, and you write it down on the papers.

Sure.

Okay?

Uh-huh.

You have menu item H21.

Which one?

21?

H21.

H21, okay, let me see.

H21, yes.

Yes.

Okay.

And what is that, please?

So, it's pork tongue and pork block.

So do you like it or no?

I think you don't like it, yeah.

Well, what it says is assorted pig, assorted pork and beef miscellany.

Yes.

So what is it exactly?

Some tofu and pork block and pork tongue and some make it spicy and some vegetable

and the beef, yeah, and some baby soup and the fish.

Is this for Chinese people only, or can Americans eat it?

Yeah, that's why all the Chinese people, yeah, always like, yeah, but I don't know, you don't like, you like or not like.

Well, so what is it, is the pork, the pig tongue, and what, like the insides where he takes a shit inside, right?

And the bowels, and the entrails, and where the feces are in inside, the shit, and the piss, and the urine, and the organs of the cow, the cow organs?

No, no, no, no.

The cow, they put the cow's stomach in there, and then you fill the cow's stomach up with the pig's penis and his feces?

Hello?

Okay, so right now, do you like all the last one?

I think you don't need the other last one.

What do you mean I don't want age 21?

Because I'm American, and I can have whatever I want.

Are you being racist with me?

Yeah, okay, so you can try, okay.

You say because I'm round-eyed, I can't eat cow when the cow shits outside.

side of the cow and you take the shit from the cow and you put it inside the pig's ass

and you cut the ass out and you make the cow eat it and you take that shit and you put spices on

it and you make it spicy and you cook it with rice huh and this is what chinese people like to eat

oh boy he's like i don't think oh my i don't think you're gonna eat that chopsticks are extra

You must PM, Eddie.

Hello.

Hold on a second.

Yes, that's fine.

Hold on, please.

Thank you.

We are very sorry about it.

Thank you.

Thanks for holding.

Hello.

Are you with me?

Yes.

Ah, yes.

I'd like to order H21.

Hold on a second.

Hello.

Thanks for holding.

Thanks so much.

Hello.

Look, man, what's going on here?

Talk to them in their language.

I want your cookies.

You want to put your cookies?

What's that?

Hello.

I don't know what his problem is.

God.

I think he may be hitting the same towel beer a little bit too heavy.

Oh, man.

This all reminds me, the prank master thing.

Milkman, we've got to discuss this.

Let me try to get through one more time here.

Oh, you're going to be amazed.

It is very sore.

The genital defect is significant of the quank hamster.

Yes, hi.

Let's make an order, please.

What? I don't understand. What?

Jesus Christ.

Yes, I want to make a stupid order.

And the stupid Chinese people don't take the stupid order.

You're stupid.

Oh, sorry about it. You're here.

What do you mean, you're here?

All right, let's make an order.

H21.

H21 is a...

H21 is pork and cow shit in the toilet.

Okay.

Can you please explain to me what that is?

It's, I think it's pork blood and stomach and pork intestine with tofu.

And you add tofu to this.

Oh, good.

Thank God.

What part of the cow?

Do you use the cow, the ass?

Pardon me?

Do you use the ass, the cow ass?

Yeah, I think it is not good for you.

Dude, it's very spicy when, you know, in tasting something inside.

Listen, I can do whatever I want, okay?

You want?

I do whatever I want, you understand?

Okay, fine, yes, okay.

Listen, if I want to go down there and take a shit and a walk and make you eat it, I can do it, all right?

Okay.

All right?

Now that we got that out of the way.

So, you take the pig and you cut out the intestines where the feces are in, where the poop...

Shit was.

Huh?

Where the pig has the shit and the poop inside the shit, where shit's out.

You put that, right, and you put it in with the sauce and you take the brain of the pig and you put it in there?

Uh-huh.

And you eat this thing?

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you masturbate on it, too?

Sure.

Okay.

How many men masturbate on it?

How many penises?

How many what?

How many penises?

How many?

Penis.

Penis?

Penis.

We don't have a penis.

There's no penis inside.

There's no penis inside it?

Yeah, there's not penis inside.

No penis.

No, not penis.

You know, like a cow penis?

Oh, no.

You know what penis is?

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, but the penis, too.

You put the penis in there?

You know what penis is, right?

You know the man has a penis for the girl?

Come on.

What do you do with the penis?

Tell me.

Is there a penis dish?

I'd like that.

I would like...

If you order the peanuts, the cow peanuts with a special order, maybe before you see some of the typically peanuts, but it's a very special order.

Well, yeah, well, I would like, tell me what's, what do you do with the peanuts? Tell me, and I can, maybe I eat that.

But, but, you know, it's a very special one. If you order the cow peanuts, maybe the order is today, or maybe the Saturday I can give you, or Sunday.

You gave me, you gave me, all right.

And what do you do with the penis?

Maybe a Szechuan sauce, you think?

Or how do you make it?

We can make it as a peanut.

Sorry about somebody hurting.

We can make it as a peanut spicy one or it's a stir-fried one, something.

Usually we just take it as a reserve for some of the friends.

It's a very, very special order.

Okay.

Well, should I ask for you?

Saturday, you think?

Maybe you'll cook me a penis, the cow penis, and I eat it.

Really? Sure.

Yeah, have you had the penis before or no?

We can. If you order, we can make special order one.

Okay.

Because we can order it in some market, the Chinese market, and the market is the order we can have.

Okay.

Yeah.

Well, I would like that. Should I call back Saturday or do you want to put it in now?

Maybe this Sunday or Saturday.

Okay, you can come in. Come in. It's really sure.

Yeah.

Or peanuts.

You can make.

Oh, and I'll give you the money, and you go to the Chinese market,

and you buy these penises, and then we'll eat.

You can have one, too, if you want, and everything, okay?

You take one of the family, and have your family eat it, okay?

Sure, sure.

All right, well, I like the secret.

Me and you, it's a secret.

We're not going to tell anybody, but we're going to eat cow penis, okay?

Okay, okay.

All right.

I think the Chinese or Vietnamese eat this one.

and they were hurting some of these

American people eating peanuts.

I know.

This is exciting. I'm very excited.

Alright, buddy. Well, thanks. I look forward to this.

Okay.

Maybe you can come

and we can speak to you later, okay?

Okay. Sounds good. Thank you.

Alright. Bye. See you.

Oh, my God.

They will eat anything.

They like horse peanuts

and boiled.

Deep fried.

He gets really quiet.

are you sure you want a penis wow geez they will sell anything in that asian market

oh my god i just can't believe that that's that's awesome guys if you guys want to have a cow penis

you can do it just get on the chinese you know we should call charlie

oh yeah oh boy all right so i'm trying to find i i was a little concerned i was on facebook

yeah god let me see if i can find this post hang on milkman what is the name to help me find this

what's uh hansen hansen chris hansen right chris hansen with dateline nbc isn't that the

okay all right all right so i gotta trying

to find this post on facebook so you guys can

and have a good laugh at what Prankmaster said.

Oh, my God.

You've got to play the blue raft exposure face, too.

That would be a very good tribute in memory.

Actually, for our new listeners that haven't heard that,

I think it would be a real treat as well.

All right, I found it.

All right, so I'm looking at my news feed.

Hang on, let's cut the music.

No, can I cut the music if you don't mind, please?

Thank you.

All right, so I'm looking at my Facebook news feed,

and I see a message from Prankmaster Adam Erlander.

uh prank master j pay attention to this right here's what prank master was a guy used to hang

out with us and do prank calls he called himself the prank master despite the fact that he really

sucked at prank calls he had to be talked about this all the time you know like if you make him

say marble he says blah boo that's how he says it and t-mobile he said t-mobile that's how he talks

that's how he talks and this guy thought he could do prank calls he called himself the

anyway so it got really weird with him like he was hanging out with zolar and katie k and he

admitted somehow that he had gotten arrested uh for molesting was a nine-year-old girl or

something wasn't it yeah it was like a nine-year-old on a raft on a blue raft on a lake

and the raft was 20 like it was a 20-foot raft or so i don't know anyway his hands slipped yeah

Yeah, his hand slipped when he went to put the Asian girl on the raft.

And the father found out.

The Asian father was like, you touched my girl.

You touched my little doll.

She just fell on his fingers.

Yeah.

Anyway, so June 3rd, Adam Erlander on Facebook posts the following.

Ugh, weird day.

I was doing ice cream outside for a bar mitzvah.

And a couple of 13-year-old girls were flirting with me.

So naturally, I ignored it.

but then after i finished ice cream station they decided to tell one of my bosses that they are

looking for me so i get told and i go back and they start waving and chasing me sorry but i

don't feel like having chris hansen at my house this is from prank master i'll just let you guys

uh come up with it yourself that yeah thank you oh my god i just don't get it how long was that

That Sterling Leak exposure episode that's like five, ten minutes.

Oh, my God.

The one where he explains it all, what happened?

Yeah, he starts crying on the air.

I think he had KDK with him.

And I don't know.

Yeah, KDK weaseled it out of him.

God, man.

I think it's like a half hour long.

I can't.

Of course, yeah.

Maybe we'll just post that on the website or play like a highlight from it, man.

But those are great tributes, man.

man. I mean, those were some golden memories

and moments for the Madhouse.

It's

44 minutes long. Hang on, let me go right

to the middle of it. Yeah, we'd have to do an excerpt

only, maybe.

I'm crying.

You can hear the

clarity. KDK did awesome

here, because I think he calls him crying

at first, because everyone in the chat room is

picking on him. And he's like, it's not true.

It's not true. I didn't do it. It's not

true. I didn't do it.

You know, KDK's like,

Like, just be awesome.

KDK's awesome when he comes to this shit.

He's like, you know, this PCU community, they're forgiving.

And if you just come out and say the truth, it won't be a big deal.

And everyone will leave you alone.

You'll be part of the family.

So he just opens up like a book.

See, if I go to the beginning, he's probably crying.

I love games.

Huh?

Well, to be honest with you, my mom was an alcoholic.

I got to do that.

All right.

Maybe I'll put that out.

Oh, God damn.

Damn, I'll put that in the forums, I guess, so people can hear it.

Yeah, post a link for it.

That way people can hear that.

And the famous gangbang call.

Just to give you an idea of the wonderful genital defect known as Prankmaster

and the golden moments we had with him.

So, yeah, it just threw me for a loop when I saw his Facebook talking about

13-year-old girls are flirting with him.

I don't know.

All right, enough.

enough enough said let's call charlie's ask him up about these chinese eating penises and see if

it's true yes hi charlie it's cross how you doing buddy yes hey how are you today you're doing all

right you sound a little tired yeah yeah that's good hey i had a question i was just had a

conversation with a chinese restaurant in washington and they said that chinese people

you can go to the asian market and you can buy a cow penis and that you guys cook it and eat it

is that can you tell me about that at all no idea have you ever had penis before no do you know you

know what a penis is a boy has a penis and a girl has something else you know that right you know

what i mean no i don't know you don't know what okay no i think she yeah okay what are you doing

are you with your wife are you with your wife well no no no are you kissing are you kissing

seeing your wife well he doesn't want to talk guys i tried this isn't a good mood he's like oh

no i don't know no no no i'm busy he sounds sad maybe he's got a death in the family i feel bad

now he's usually happy he's usually happy he's usually happy or angry today he was just kind of

i don't know reserved reserved charlie tonight that'd be funny if he just said if he just said

in a normal voice, go fuck yourself.

I think he's become a bit calloused now.

Wow.

They might put him on Zoloft.

Anyway, Zolar,

speaking of Zoloft, Zolar,

I talked to him yesterday on the phone.

He's interested in

using the Madhouse

Showcast to

do an audio broadcast when he does

his video show.

He's interested

in uh using the shoutcast stream just uh as another avenue to get people listening and

visiting his site i said yeah man totally i gave him a call uh oh yeah because the madhouse

shoutcast is back up in force the being that i built the new computer here next to me um the

old server that i used to use uh to broadcast on uh i've got it running shoutcast now 24 7

oh yeah i miss zoar man i'm glad that you guys kind of like mended the bridges there man i

I really hope he does get on the air again.

I like hearing him.

No, no, we're fine.

We've always been fine.

Zolar, I consider him a friend.

He said he had heard about, you know, me being out and sick and my mom and all that.

Okay, well, I know that you guys have differences in opinions here a while back.

No, we're fine now.

Me and Zolar, we've been good for a few years, man.

He came over to the house in Orlando once.

We hung out and did a show.

Okay, all right.

I remember back in the Virgin Island days, man, there was a little toughness there,

but it's good that he's walking back in the fold.

So are, if anybody remembers, and I'm sure some of us do,

especially the old-timers, man, with a real hoot.

And, man, he's got a twisted, funny, evil mind.

He is a hilarious dude.

He is, dude.

He's very funny.

Anyway, I asked him, hey, do you have any MP3s of your pranks,

even the old ones?

I'd like to put them on the rotation.

He said, yeah, I'd like to, but I don't have any MP3s anymore.

All the MP3s, the old ones, he doesn't have them available regularly.

They're in another house.

Earth Dog probably has all of them.

He needs to contact Earth Dog.

Earth Dog, yeah, I know.

But you see, he's got a lot of MP4 pranks, like videos and YouTube stuff.

But anyway, he's doing his show on video.

He's taking a break for the summer, but he said when he comes back, he'd be interested.

So hopefully, that'd be something.

That'd be good.

Zola

Zola does a great job man

he's got a YouTube page

I'm not sure what it is offhand

I think it's Zolar420 on YouTube

something like that but check it out

it's got very funny stuff

excuse me

I don't know about it

it's late you know

I'll call him next week

during the week and if it's okay with him

I'll give him a call tonight

he's back in New York now isn't he

I remember he was moving around

that had that old lady for a while.

The old lady?

Yes, he's in New York.

I don't know if it was an old lady.

She was a cougar or something.

I don't know.

Well, yeah, he's in New York now, yes.

He was in the money bags for a while

with some chick, man.

I'm sure he extracted a few bills of funds.

I could never get out of him

what he really did.

Is he a janitor?

Is he just hanging out?

Is he a sugar daddy?

I never understood.

I don't know.

All I know is that she provided some funds

as best I could get out of it,

and there was a bit of humor surrounding it,

and then he kind of like just, like, you know.

He didn't want to talk about it.

Yeah, he didn't want to talk about it too much after a while.

Okay, listen.

Nunu sent in a number for the Thai consulate in Hawaii.

A woman answered,

apparently in Thailand it is an extreme offense to make fun of the king

or to talk bad about the king.

Oh, yeah, that is.

Oh, my God.

My friend actually, they have like a throne,

own, and he actually went behind the, they got this, like, rope, and went and set him

to life with the king, there's an effigy of the king, dude, if they had caught him, they

would have kinged his ass and arrested him, big time, man, oh no, it's a big time, no,

no, never mess with the Thailand king, for sure, oh yeah, make sure this isn't no darn

recycled number from Nunu either, we don't want no recycler, recycler, yeah, he does

Because you do recycle numbers, man, and that's not cool.

But he'll hand us a dead number that somebody else has done draining

and they end up hanging up on us.

That's the problem.

That's why we want fresh numbers.

We won't send them to KDK or everybody first,

and then we get the retreads because it ends up being a dead call anyway.

It looks really stupid.

Exactly.

Thank you, Milkman.

Good point.

All right, hey, let's call about the king, King Bumi Badal Abedulayadev.

We're calling him the consulate in Thailand.

I would like to call Thailand itself.

It was called the Thailand Police.

Nunu, have you got one?

Oh, yeah.

I think out of all the exchanges, it was last I heard, like, $160 to $1.

Wow.

Is that good?

Any, I think.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Go buy some Nike Air Jordans with that, man.

Air Jordans.

You know, Air Jordans make you jump faster and everything.

Thank you for calling Royal Thai Consulate General of Honolulu, Hawaii.

All visa application and transport together with document required.

Ugh.

I'm trying again.

Did they answer, Nunu?

He said yes, a woman answered.

I'll try again.

Once they close, once they close now.

What time is it in Hawaii?

It's like 4 o'clock in Hawaii now, right?

6 a.m., I think, or 6 p.m.

6 a.m. in Hawaii.

Oh, God.

You should move that date line over, man.

The king of Thailand does basalts.

Thank you, Scotland.

That was good.

Thank you for calling.

No answer there.

Well, let's find more.

Nunu, try to find some numbers in Thailand, you know?

I bought some Skype credit today.

I got plenty of Skype credit.

I don't mind making a call to Tyler now.

That was pretty sketchy, Nunez.

That was pretty sketchy there, buddy.

No, they closed, dude.

It's okay.

They closed the fucking place.

It's like those people got home.

I thought he called and checked on it, though.

Did he verify it or he didn't?

Yeah, right before the show started.

It might have closed already.

Whatever, dude.

All right, Nunez.

You've been reprieved.

There you go.

You've been forgiven.

It's kind of a good action now, man.

You've been forgiven.

Okay, well, moving right along.

Let's see what we got here.

Here, Lonesome Loser is starting to warm up.

Is there a convention this week?

No, last week was the, well, two weeks ago was the Midgets.

I don't think there's a convention this week.

There should be.

Oh, okay.

He's usually as good at finding conventions.

Also, there was a great episode where Zola was in on a convention, too,

and we all got a madhouse show going.

Oh, yeah.

Well, that's the Jack Valente thing.

Is that what you're talking about?

All right, let's call J-Rad's prank request here for his Uncle Mike.

Send in your prank requests over at madhouselive.com.

Use the Request a Prank form.

Pretty easy to do.

No excuse not to be sending a request a prank, sir.

I'll be back as soon as possible.

God bless.

God bless, everybody.

God bless.

No answer there.

Sorry.

Next time when you call, if you get a London number, let's bring up the Olympic Missiles.

Have you heard about this controversy?

Olympic Missile?

No.

Yeah.

What's that?

Well, okay.

Okay, where it is is the British government has got this big fear

that something will happen with the Olympics in London.

It's the new Summer Olympics for 2012.

So they've mounted this special, like, it kind of looks like a Patriot missile thing

that's way faster and much more advanced than it was decades ago.

And they're putting, like, on top of these rooftops of these apartment buildings

so if anybody, like, tries to bomb the Olympics or whatever,

These, like, anti-air missiles will actually take it down before it ever reaches the Olympic site.

And people are raising hell all over, you know, ban the Olympic missiles.

So it's a very controversial subject, and they took it to court,

and the judge voted against the citizens' plea to not allow the missiles to be placed upon rooftops in the neighborhood.

So, you know, right now the government says, screw you, we'll put up the missiles.

So right now it's a pretty hot subject in London.

They'll probably be worthy of a few good calls.

Well, I don't know.

What's the problem?

So what?

So they have a protection missile there.

What are they?

I don't know.

You know how them freaking Londoners are.

And in general, the Brits.

You know, who knows?

They're doing it to protect you, you stupid shit.

What's the fucking problem?

I know, but, you know, I mean, you know, there's not enough key indentures to go around over there.

I don't know.

No, I'm sure it's, Jesus Christ, man, seriously.

But it's very touchy right now with the populace.

They are pissed.

So it might render a few good calls.

And the Greece Olympics, they had missiles out there.

The United States was providing protection on the sea,

and they had missiles at the venture.

These suckers are wicked, man.

Type it in your browser, man, Olympic missiles.

Take a look at these suckers.

Man, they show these things moving, and one of them went out in an airplane,

And, I mean, these doctors are wicked-ass missile battery.

Wow.

Portable like on the back of a little, like, truck that you pull around.

Fucking killer, man.

Yeah, something that's going on in a lot of drones, man.

Drones are all over the place, all over the place.

Drones are a big issue.

They're a big problem, man.

That's a problem.

We are just crazy with that shit.

And our government and military is just going to run amok.

Police departments are getting them now, man.

Police departments are getting drones and stuff.

oh my god oh yeah yeah welcome to 1984 well you know what alex jones says the the uh the solution

in 1984 is 1776 you know right how about a constant how about a constitutional convention

now that would be a great source it'll never happen i'll never happen good luck with that

it's in the constitution i'll never allow that shit for sure exactly all right well

They had one in the Virgin Islands.

I never heard anything more about it.

I think they, like, started one, and it just fizzled, man.

It, like, disappeared.

Why did they want to do a constitutional convention in the Virgin Islands?

Yeah, man, because, you know, like, they're a representative.

You know, it's only a representative.

They have no senators, and they can't vote for presidents and blah, blah, blah.

They were all up in arms about it.

And, you know, who was a native Virgin Islander, and should they, you know, get reparates?

separates, all that shit was mixed into it

and just kind of fizzled and flopped.

Wow, man, yeah, Puerto Rico goes through that

a lot, you know, oh, we don't have a senator,

we don't have a congressman,

we can't vote for the president, but...

Same issues that Puerto Rico has in general.

Yeah, but we can go to, you know,

but they still send us to war, and we still

contribute, and ah...

Yeah, and then they bitched about during Vieques,

you know, the sub-base, and

Vieques bombing range, and now

the military left, and what's the condition

of Puerto Rico now, economically?

That was stupid, you know?

My family members were like, this is bullshit.

Like, when that whole thing was happening, like, this is bullshit.

You're going to piss off the American government.

So what did George W. Bush do?

Like, he's like, all right, sure, you want us to take out this base in Vieques?

All right, no problem.

We're also going to close the Air Force Base, and we're also going to close the Navy Base,

and we're also going to close the Army Base.

So now there are no bases in Puerto Rico.

Yeah, Roosevelt Roads and Ramay is closed and fucking Seva is closed.

All of them are going to close all the fucking bases there.

All that money that was all that money and income.

And now all the time they complain, oh, no, we don't have the military here in the.

Well, we claim the land and there's like, you know, still munitions that are dead out there, you know, that haven't been exploded.

No one wants to go out there and people get blown up.

And, like, you know, there's really no chance that it's ever going to be, you know, viable anyway because, you know, the condition that we're left in.

Reclaim the land shit, okay?

You know what they did?

They closed the Air Force Base that they closed outside of San Juan.

The governor at the time said, oh, this is great.

We're going to build a freaking new international airport out here and a fucking technology center and a tourist attraction and golf courses.

you know when that was that was fucking 2004 it's 2012 they haven't done shit it's a piece of shit

in the middle out there you know it's full of fucking run down buildings that used to be you

know lived in and worked in by military families from all over the country we're pumping in money

to the economy and ransom fortunes of revenue that money was being spent in the local economy

Stupid. So stupid. Wait. You know what? They're so stupid. Wait until Cuba. Wait until Raul Castro dies and Cuba opens up and the tourism industry that goes to Puerto Rico is like, fuck that. I can go to Cuba. Cuba's like 90 minutes away.

Why am I going to fly in a plane

From New York to Puerto Rico

Three hours, four hours

When you can get to Cuba in 90 minutes

And your dollar is going to stretch

Way more than it would in Puerto Rico

Then Puerto Rico is going to be screwed

Then what are they going to do

I love visiting, I love Puerto Rico

I was just there

You look how close it is

And then go

It was a big money pit

money chomping at the bit all right shut up guys come on thailand we're calling thailand

lonesome loser thank you for sending a number in thailand don't try it i'm trying to look

i'm gonna mess with that hello just hi is this nana plaza for nana thai

nope man what are you doing quiet hello yes hi how are you okay uh yes i had a make a report

about the king the king of thailand do you know who do you know who the king of thailand is king

King Rama IX, Bhoomi Badal, Adul Yadid.

Who are you?

Huh?

Who are you?

Oh, my name is Cross.

I'm a friend of the king of Thailand.

Sir, sir.

Yes, can you hear me?

Why you talk that?

Oh, well.

Who are you?

Huh?

Who are you?

I'm Cross.

I met the king of Thailand.

We were playing poker together.

Are you the cross?

From what country?

From the United States.

And I came to Thailand.

I was in a casino.

and the king of thailand was sitting with me and we were playing cards or playing poker

and then he invited me to his room and then when i went to his room he gave me a massage

and he took off his clothes and he showed me his penis hello why you calling here i don't know

well because i want to report that the king of thailand is a homosexual and that he touched me

i don't know this is a nana hotel you don't want to talk the king of thailand yeah the king of

The King of Thailand wants me to stay in the hotel room here.

He invited me to the hotel.

The Clown of America, are you?

Yeah, no, not the Clown of America.

What are you talking about, the Clown of America?

Oh.

Oh, listen.

Are you a man?

Huh?

Am I a man?

Yes, I'm a man, and the King of Thailand wants me to stay in the hotel room

and sleep on the same bed with him in your hotel.

He wants Tick-Tick.

Man, no man to talk.

What the fuck?

Take, take, what's that, fuck?

It's Ty for Shed Joe.

Oh, my God.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

I'm calling about the king of Thailand.

You crazy?

Well, no.

The king of Thailand wanted me to meet him here to have sex with him.

You should not say, you should not say like that.

It's not improper, it's not appropriate.

And it's, uh, that's not good, sir.

Why not?

The king of Thailand thinks I'm handsome and wants to kiss me.

What's the matter?

Well?

You shouldn't talk like that.

I can call the police and report the police.

It's not good, sir.

Look, I'm just calling ahead to let the king of Thailand know I'm going to be late to the hotel

because I got distracted, but I'm going to be there soon, and I'm going to kiss him and touch him.

Are you high?

No.

I don't want to speak to you.

Okay, can you tell me about the king?

Do you not like the king of Thailand?

We respect the king of Thailand, and it's not the subject we can talk like this.

Don't you hate him?

Isn't he an asshole?

You're an asshole.

You.

Hey, hey, hey.

The king of Thailand's an asshole.

Oh, my.

Wow.

Great work, Nunu and Lonesome.

Nunu especially.

That's awesome.

Fuck you.

She didn't do one of the plays.

Wow.

They sure love that king.

All right, we'll call.

What are you doing?

Are you doing dishes over there, Milkman?

What's going on?

No, I got a dishwasher running right now.

You cleaning the shit in the toilet?

Yeah.

See if I poop in the microwave, how long it takes before it turns into kimchi.

You know, one time when I was a kid, I was at a party when I was in high school.

And I'm embarrassed to say this now, but I actually did.

I went to the, all right.

What?

I was at a house party once when I was in high school.

I was 16, maybe 15.

15 okay so and i was drinking one of the first times i was drinking so for some reason i thought

this would be a great idea i wanted to do a tanker an upper decker you know where you take a shit in

a toilet bowl and and then so when people flush the what the shit keeps coming out through the

water you know for a while um but i i couldn't get the toilet lid up because it was like hinged on

on the wall i remember it was like i had this hinge thing and there was all this crap on top

of it like little like little figurines and stuff whatever it was i couldn't get the lid off

no no this is in florida man this is when i was in high school oh my god i never heard of the

hinge totally i don't know it was attached to the wall and hinge anyway so i was like all right well

you know i'm gonna do something here so uh there was a table and there were paper towels you know

know the brown paper towels you know cheap paper towels i laid the paper towels out on the table

and i pulled my pants down and i took like a massive shit a huge turd it was it was it was

like a foot and a half long and uh on top of the paper towels right and at first i was like i'm

gonna leave it here but then i was like no you know someone's gonna come in and go like you know

Carlito just was the last one here

What the fuck he took a shit and left it on the table

So I

I don't know why I did this

I wrapped it up in paper towels

The turd I wrapped it up in paper towels

And I

You know I wipe my ass I flush the toilet

And I wash my hands

And then I'm walking

With a turd that's wrapped up

In brown paper towels and I make a

Beeline for the kitchen

I'm like I'm going to leave this

gonna leave this in the fridge i'm gonna leave in the freezer

what the fuck do i do all right so i get to the kitchen and there were no well there were a lot

of people in this party and there were people in the kitchen i was like oh shit there were you know

the people getting drinks out of the kitchen and and the beers in the in the fridge like right

the fridge is out because you're going to see

so what I did

I'm such an asshole I put it in the

microwave

I put it in the microwave

this is getting crazier

as the moment

I put it in the microwave and I turned it on

the microwave I turned it on for like

I think I put it on for like

I think I just keep hitting like 3

so it was like 3 3 3 3 3 3

and I hit start

and then I left I just left

and I heard

heard the aftermath after that i heard the aftermath someone's like someone took a shit

oh man and uh well what had the the parents of the person that got caught

the parents you know they caught the person they got really mad the parents came home you know

they caught him with the turd it wasn't beer bottles it wasn't the neighbors complaining it

It was the microwave that had been shit in and had cakes in it and shit.

Yeah, they said it was the most horrible.

They said it was like, I never admitted to it, but everyone was like, oh, man, it was like smoking.

It gives a new meaning to a steamer.

That's a steamer for sure.

That's one of the more heroic people in many a moon.

Yeah, that was in a Puerto Rican people's house.

you know so they would never miss the toilet paper in the trash can but that was a whole new

twist to the adventure yeah that's my story that's that very proud very proud hermano i used to steal

stuff from like i thought it was i don't know why i was such an asshole like i go to parties

and i'd find the cordless phone and i'd take the battery out of it and put in my pocket

every time i'd always steal something that was a fucking klepto man i thought it was hilarious

Hilarious.

Me and Eddie, my friend Eddie, Eddie's like, why do you always do that?

You're fucking stupid.

Like, yeah, it's awesome.

That's why we can party forever.

Oh, he did that once at a party.

Like, I did it once.

I stole the cordless, the battery out of the cordless phone.

And Eddie was in the house like two days later.

And he said the phone rang and they had the cordless phone and they were hitting the button.

And it's like, is that working?

Did you charge the phone?

Why isn't it working?

Why is the phone dead?

It's been charging all day.

Oh, good.

Eddie's like, God, Carlito, you're so fucking stupid.

stupid you should have took a took your steamer and left his banana leaves and passed off with

pasteles oh man yeah i used to be really stupid when i was young i'd be drinking and be like oh

this would be fun i'm gonna take a shit first you know first gonna take a shit in toilet tank

because i'd heard about that prank that didn't work so my brilliant idea i'm gonna take a shit

on the table and leave it here and as after i shit you know you ever i don't know if you ever

had this experience milkman but have you ever been jerking off looking at porn and when you're

you're done, you have a tremendous guilt over what you've been doing.

I'm sure every man's been through that at some point.

Guilt?

Yeah, like you feel guilty.

I don't know.

Is that like a Catholic thing or something?

I don't know.

Sometimes after I do that, I feel guilty.

I'm like, oh, man.

All right, all right.

Well, I guess if I didn't give you a raise or something because of that,

then I feel guilty.

Well, I had that feeling after I was like, here I am at a party.

I should be having a good time with friends,

and I just took a shit on the table in the bathroom.

Why would I do that?

So, like, I got to do it.

You think, all right, a normal person, all right,

I'm just going to transfer it over to the toilet and flush it, right?

No, no, not Carlito.

Carlito decides.

I better do something with this prize gift here.

So I'm walking in a house full of people at a house party.

party uh my peers from high school with uh my own shit turd wrapped up in paper towels i don't know

how well that that was such a low in my life that man is it funny that was a brain that was a brave

moment of insight it was a microwave yeah well andy i'll tell you this one time i farted on

andy was the most tremendous fart in the world in the history of it was like the atomic bomb of

farts uh in our apartment i just stood up i think we're watching seinfeld actually it was the the

the last episode of Seinfeld, and right when it was over,

the stupid, shitty episode of the last episode of Seinfeld

where they get found guilty and they're all in the jail cell together or something,

and I stood up.

Yeah, the idea for that Samaritan law.

Yeah, the Samaritan law.

I stood up, and I arched my leg over, you know, on top of Andy, and I farted,

and it was the loudest fart that's ever...

I've never been able to top this fart, but it was like a nuclear bomb of farts.

went off oh my god he i remember like every andy rec ran under a table i remember he's like oh my

god everyone else like what the fuck did you shit your pants yeah for sure yeah we'll get andy to

call in one the next time andy calls and i'll have him talk about the time i fart i don't think i

don't think he knows about the shit in the microwave story that he that was a different

click that wasn't his click yeah that was a different click i don't know we were stupid

we would skip school and all we did we would drink andy had i think andy had like a black kid

he was friends with and he had an uncle or something that would buy his beer the only

beer he would buy us was red dog he's like i i buy you no more red dog motherfucker like that's

all he's like he didn't care he's you know he didn't care if we wanted heineken or budweiser

he's like fuck that if you if i'm buying your alcohol for a bunch of stupid kids you're gonna

going to drink red dog and that's what i drink that's that's what we drank we would drink warm

red dogs i forgot about that no i haven't seen it forever but we used to drink warm red dogs

at like 10 o'clock in the morning nine o'clock ten o'clock in the morning drinking warm red

dogs at andy's house skipping school listening to howard stern and playing nintendo 64 that's

that's the fucking life that i had in my senior year and my i was a big hit in the 90s red dog

man yeah we would we would play fucking mario kart 64 drinking warm skunky red dog

and we always end up fighting like not like arguing but we end up in in in like wrestling

fights like we'd wrestle and we'd punch each other and and uh like i remember at some point

andy had these boxing gloves and he put them on and he'd make me put them on and we would box and

and he'd hit me hard in the face, and I'd get upset, and we would all end.

Yeah, it was just weird.

We were a bunch of dorks, man.

We had a lot of fun, man.

And then we moved out together.

That group, that was Andy was in that group.

It was a group of four of us, and all of us except for one moved out.

We went to the same university after high school, and we got an apartment together.

And we stayed together for like two years after that.

And we're still friends, you know.

Me and Andy are, at least.

We still hang out and talk every once in a while.

while we trade emails and talk about the magic and shit,

but good time.

So all the young kids out there listening,

you have,

you know,

enjoy your time.

Cause you'll be in your thirties like me and you'll be in your fifties like

milkman.

You won't have anything.

We'd be married and can't have fun.

There we go.

All right,

let's move on.

Move on.

Do some more pranks.

It's called Thailand again.

Talk about the King of Thailand.

Who's an asshole.

Can't believe that lady got so upset.

You asshole.

She really enjoyed that.

Yes.

Hi,

this is the penis.

bangkok what yes hi the king of thailand is an asshole yeah the king of thailand

he's an asshole i'll wait on that i'll call the first one again because they were fun

maybe say the king's name you know king whatever command the ninth he is an asshole

yes hi i'm calling on behalf of the king king ram on the night hello yes i'm calling

I'm calling regarding King Rama IX.

Sir?

I'm calling about King Rama IX.

Sir?

Mr.

He's an asshole.

Huh?

He's an asshole.

You go in your house.

Listen to me.

You go in your house and tell your mom to teach you, okay?

Teach me what?

He's an asshole.

He's a gay.

If you get drunk or you mad, you go to the hospital to check your brain, okay?

Check my brain?

Your brain.

Okay.

listen hello ma'am are you yes did you hear how that lady talked to me

yeah did you hear how that lady talked to me yes i'm calling about the king of thailand

hello oh whatever that place sucks the first place is awesome though you check your blade

Just take your blame.

You go to hospital, check your blame.

I'm going to get my blame checked.

My blame.

All right.

It was the peninsula Bangkok, and I said this is the penis Bangkok.

You got to love it.

You got to love my sense of humor.

Well, hey, come on.

I grew up taking shits in the microwave.

Yeah, this stuff.

I can't leave you in the hot pocket.

You know what's stupid?

It's a problem I have with stealing at parties, man.

Because, like, when I was 25, I got my one-bedroom apartment right before I met Athena.

I had my own apartment, my own pad.

When I first started doing the Madhouse show, it was out of a one-bedroom apartment that was just mine.

I was with Athena at the time.

She would come.

She'd spend the night.

I'd fuck her.

But, you know, it was my place.

It was my bachelor pad.

But anyway, when I first got there, I went to a house party with Andy.

And I got really drunk, I remember.

And at some point, I decided I wanted to leave.

so i went into the bathroom and i stole i stole a pair of head clippers i put hair clippers i put

them in my pocket and then i went to the kitchen where all the alcohol was and i stole a bottle of

scotch and i walked out and then the next and yeah actually and i took toothbrushes and i hid

the toothbrushes in the toilet tank man and then like the next like two days later i was at andy's

place and someone who was at the party was talking he's like yeah man party was good but you know

they the so-and-so said that someone like he can't find his toothbrushes they still hadn't found the

toothbrushes like he can't find his he can't find his toothbrushes and his hair clippers are missing

you know and as i started laughing they didn't mention that bottle of scotch so i walked out

with a bottle of scotch that was the last i oh dude i was i drove home and i was only like a

mile away that house or that house party was to my apartment was only a mile away but i was so

drunk i i was literally driving and thinking to myself i'm not gonna make it i am i'm gonna run

a red light i'm not gonna stop right there's gonna be a cop behind me and i'm gonna get pulled

over you know i mean i've never that's so irresponsible i've never done that again in

of my life but i'm telling you i couldn't walk straight well for god's sake come on i i was so

drunk i stole a bottle of scotch and a pair of hair clippers and left the party that's how messed

up i was yeah actually i think if i remember it i threw up in the back patio also uh i got i was i

got drunk i was gonna puke drunk and i went to i ran to the back of the house opened the the back

the back window, the glass door.

And I just started throwing up, not realizing that this wasn't the backyard

that I was peeking into.

It was the porch.

Oh, no.

The furnished porch.

And God damn, man, this is so embarrassing.

I remember, as a matter of fact, there were people out there sitting in the

porch and that Puerto Rican comes out.

He just leans out and starts puking on the porch.

And they all come running in like, oh, like that.

Yeah, that was bad.

That was bad.

I've never gotten like that again.

Okay, we got breaking news here, Milkman.

You know, we're all big Orlando Magic fans here.

Now we've been going through a crisis with Dwight Howard.

He's been dragged on for a long time.

Is Dwight Howard going to stay with the Magic?

Is he going to go?

And it seems like he's going to go.

And he wants to go to the Brooklyn Nets.

The Nets are moving from New Jersey.

and now they're going to be in Brooklyn.

He came out and said he absolutely wanted to go to Brooklyn,

and now it's not going to work out because Brooklyn doesn't have enough assets for the Magic,

and yada, yada, yada.

So apparently we just got word here of a huge trade.

Alex Kennedy, the Rockets' official Twitter account just followed.

Dwight Howard, Jason Richardson, Glenn Davis, and Chris Duhon.

What? What are you talking about, Andy?

Andy, what are you talking about?

Is there a trade, or are you just throwing more speculations?

I don't want to hear about speculations, Andy.

Andy's listening to the show.

I didn't even know Andy was listening.

Andy, you remember that time that I farted on you?

Andy, let me know if I can call you.

I want to talk about the fart, my epic fart.

It's called the thunder.

Yeah, that's, yeah.

I want to talk about the night of thunder is what I like to call it.

I think he might be listening.

If he's up, he's got to be listening.

Anyway, what, Andy?

I'm on him.

Yes, go ahead, Milkman.

I've always wondered how the name and the term madhouse was derived

and became the name for the show.

I'm starting to get tickling now.

I couldn't tell you.

Hello?

Yeah, hey, who are you?

What are you doing?

What do you want?

Yes.

Hi, is this Thailand?

This is the Peninsula Bangkok.

Can I help you?

Yes, hi.

I'm calling about the King of Thailand.

Sorry.

What?

Speak up, asshole.

I said speak up, asshole.

Oh, sorry.

I can't hear you, you stupid.

Speak up.

Yes, what is it?

Oh, Peninsula Bangkok?

Oh, yeah, hi.

Hi, the Penis Bangkok, yes.

I was calling about the King of Thailand.

He's an asshole.

I've been telling you this for the last 20 minutes.

Do you understand yet?

You stupid?

Oh, fuck you, lady.

All right.

Am I sure about...

That I'm an asshole?

No, the King is an asshole.

You're an asshole.

You people are assholes

And you're kings

And then

If he was

Yeah you wish lady

Let me

Let me ask you a question

What

Yeah, is that so?

Well, he's still an asshole.

How come he...

He kisses boys.

Yeah, the king is a gay.

Hey, he kisses boys.

Why?

Why is the name where you heard from?

What?

Where?

You have to have the real, you have to have the real thought that to say like that to him.

Well, the king came up to me.

I was in a casino.

The king came up to me, and he told me he wanted to kiss me and to go to the hotel room with him and kissing, make kissing to him.

I think your thoughts have come wrong.

I think your mom...

Hey, hey, hey.

Don't talk about my mom.

She died recently.

She lost her mom?

My mom died two months ago.

Two months ago.

What?

You stupid little bitch.

You stupid.

Huh?

You asshole.

Okay, I'm sorry.

No, talk about it.

Don't you talk about my mama.

Well, why does the king fuck boys in the ass?

Why?

Yeah, the king...

Yeah, right.

The king goes to bathrooms.

The king goes to bathrooms and stores and has sex with men in the bathroom.

Okay, I'll do that.

Are you done?

Did you get it out?

Oh, she hung up.

I didn't even know she was there the whole time.

She was holding it for like 10 minutes.

Finally got a response on her.

Okay, here's, I understand.

Let's take a look at our microwaves real quick.

I guess so.

Yeah, take the microwaves.

I apologize, Andy, if he's listening.

The Rockets, the Houston Rockets' official Twitter account,

just started following Dwight Howard, Jason Richardson,

Big Baby Glenn Davis, and Chris Duhon.

So the speculation is there's a trade,

and they're picking up those four players from the Magic.

That's good, good.

We want the Houston trade.

We do not want to trade Dwight Howard to Brooklyn

so that they can become another fucking Miami Heat

in the fucking East Coast

and because fuck Brooklyn, all right?

That's why.

I don't care if you're from New York and stuff.

I don't want the fucking Brooklyn Nets or Jersey Nets

or whatever the fuck they are.

I don't want them having a good team.

Sons of bitches.

They have fucking New York people walking around,

oh, we're the champions.

Champions of everything is fucking New York.

champions of fucking football they're fucking yankees fucking assholes right hockey i don't

know i'm guessing they'll probably do that shit again also with the hockey the p.s liars god damn

it oh my god i'm starting to get sick now i understand how the term madhouse came about

not to hear those stories no maybe another day i'll tell you how madhouse came about i don't

want to talk about it okay we'll look forward to that look for we're gonna leave something

something for the kids all right let's call another hotel in thailand we got this theme

One of those guys got his ass caned for something.

I forget what the hell he did, but yeah.

There was a college kid that was out spray-painting.

Yeah, the caning.

He was famous.

Everybody was outraged.

He spray-painted a car, and they caned him.

I think even Bill Clinton was president, and he was trying to intervene,

trying to get him amnesty.

I feel like, okay, sure, we'll reduce it.

yes hello my name is cross i'm from the united states sorry oh my name is cross i'm from the

united states and i need a call ahead i'm meeting the king of thailand here rama the ninth and he

i've met him yesterday at a hotel uh a casino and we were gambling on the same table and he

leaned over to me and he said that i was handsome that i smell good and that i needed to stay with

him at this hotel the hotel that i'm calling now uh yes sir and he was gonna kiss me and touch me

and things like this and i'm gonna be a little late so could you send a message to the king of

thailand and tell him that i'm gonna be late what best moment best moment uh best moment

are you gonna find him what hello yes who is this who is this what are you talking about who are you

hey asshole listen my name is cross okay i'm calling about king the king of thailand

the king of thailand is an asshole they get transferred the guy he just goes

that's what he said

the first guy spoke perfect english he's like hold on a moment it puts me through the guy who

says thank you that's how they operate there in asia it's weird you know they're very quiet

it on the phone the worst is when we call guam they get a phone call and they're just like

it must be affiliated with the homo hotel agdad they're like amazed that the phone works

guam when you call oh my god the phone not guam what's the other one saipan

hey shut up i was calling my name is american i am an american how are you listen was i just

talking to you and you transferred me or something well i'm calling about the king of thailand yes

he's an asshole well did you know this thing what do you mean sorry hey hello you gotta get women

the women seem to be a little sassy in this country the men are just like very oh that's

holy i almost died thank you oh they're the one crew or one ship yeah i'll have to call a police

station but they spoke english and just tell them that like yeah or report it yeah the peninsula

Peninsula Hotel.

I was at the King's.

Hi, how are you, sweetheart, baby?

Thank you, sir.

How are you?

Yes, hi.

Yes, I was calling about the King of Thailand.

He's an asshole.

Yes, sir.

Yeah, did you know the King of Thailand is an asshole?

He's a stupid?

Yes.

What?

Yes, sir.

Who do you want to talk to?

I am over there speaking.

Is the King of Thailand there?

I'd like to tell him how stupid, idiot, asshole he is.

Hello?

Hi.

Yes, sir.

I'm calling about the king of Thailand.

The king.

You're calling about the Thailand, yes?

The king of Thailand, Rama IX.

Rama IX.

You know who I'm talking about?

One moment, please.

Yes, may I help you?

I'm just trying to communicate to you people, all right?

Do you speak English?

Yes, sir, I do.

All right.

Do you know King Rama IX?

Yes, sir.

Yeah.

This is our king, yeah?

Yeah, he's a stupid asshole.

You're talking.

He's a stupid asshole shit.

That's what I said.

What's wrong with you, sir?

what's wrong with you because i all right to call my king like that listen he's so stupid

because he came out he told me that he wanted to kiss me and he wanted to make love to me and he

touched me my arms he touched my arms and he was smelling me like a man like he's oh you smell like

a man he said to me he smelled like a nice uh handsome man he said to me and then he said he

He was going to meet me for breakfast, and he didn't show up.

Remember, our king, he's 85.

He's an asshole.

He's an 85-year-old asshole, that king.

You are wrong.

No, I'm not.

Don't call me, okay?

Listen, you stupid, too.

You're stupid, too.

This is awesome.

I like this.

They really love that king.

Boy, what?

Is it like fucking Caesar to them?

Is it fucking, what was it, the Egyptians?

Wasn't their king their god?

What was it?

Pharaoh.

Yeah, he's like a pharaoh to them, I guess.

That's what's going on.

Milkman, are you there?

God damn it.

Milkman.

I'll have to call Milkman back.

What time is it?

11.37.

Awesome.

Big Ken.

Please enjoy the following.

Carlito, Carlito, I do.

Party is being reaped.

Doing good.

Trying to spread the word about the King of Thailand, you know.

What's

buddy i don't know dude i was sitting there listening and he's

gone i was saying hello hello but anyway you're here now that's good all right so we're going to

continue here talking to people regarding the king of thailand and maybe other things let's see

hey can you give it a shout out to crackers the shark crackers the shark wants to show crackers

the shark hey man what's up uh i hope you got your money what was the guy crackers the shark and don

was it don lopez or something don lopez ice cream i forgot don lopez was the owner of some kind of

of ice cream place in miami and crackers the shark made a deal with him anyway crackers the

shark thanks for hanging out man it's good seeing you and you if you're listening and you're not in

the chat room you should be asshole you're a bigger asshole than the king of thailand for

doing that go to madhouse live.com and join there's no excuse you're like oh i'm on the phone

i'm on the cell phone i'm on android phone it works in android phone asshole because i checked

it out i tried it guys i don't know if you knew that uh milkman but i tested it out i went on my

my android phone in the madhouse live chat room and guess what oh i could chat with people

guess what oh i went oh on my iphone guess what i went on my ipad and i went to the madhouse chat

room guess what happened i was chatting so yeah there's no excuse unless you're in a blackberry

and it probably works on blackberry too milkman you have a blackberry check it out all right

milkman check it out all right thank you there's no fucking excuse if you're not in here carlito's

is going to leave a surprise in your microwave.

Big Ken.

Ken's here.

Kenneth.

What's the frequency, Kenneth?

98.6.

The mouth.

Yeah.

I think you should just start calling the UK.

98.6.

The mouth.

What?

Sorry, you were talking, and this shit's too loud.

I got to adjust it.

So you should just call the UK.

Tell them you're from 98.6.

The mouth.

And just tell them to wake the fuck up.

Yeah.

There you go.

Hear that, or call some hospitals on behalf of Nunu.

That should get him going.

We got the Fiatai Police Station.

We're going to call.

We got a police station in Thailand

Milkman we're gonna do it man

We're gonna get caned

Milkman I'll blame it all on you

You have Asian connections

I don't know if this king

Might stick it up his ass

Milkman did you read Fifty Shades of Grey yet

You should read that book

What is this police station

Yes

Okay I need to make a report

Yeah it's about the king of Thailand

He's a stupid

For what?

The king of Thailand is an asshole.

Airport.

What?

May I have you?

Please do call 1155.

Yeah.

Please do call 1155.

Yes, because the king of Thailand is an asshole.

I know, I know.

Please do call 1155 already.

Yeah, I did.

Okay, okay, okay, bye.

Wait, wait, wait.

What's 1155?

One, one.

Uh-huh.

One, one.

One, one, one.

Five, five.

I'm trying to call the police station.

Yeah, yeah.

1-1-5-5.

Can you help you for the police service?

Right?

Are you police?

1-1-5-5, okay?

Listen, stupid.

Are you police or no?

No, no, no, no.

No, police cannot help you because you must go to the police officer.

Our police officer, police officer, 1-1-5-5 call center, okay, right?

But I'm calling from the United States.

one five five i can't call one one five five from the united states don't you understand

you call you call i know it doesn't okay just a moment transfer me it was one one five five

the fucking bad phone to the president or the king over there hi is this police is this thailand

land police stupid hey do you speak english english english please please english

i don't care what you gotta say go go shut up okay shut up bye

shut up stupid asshole what the fuck is he saying

all right what's the country code for australia is it 44 no yeah i think that's right that's uh

britain what is the country code there is it 14 it was something four four four i got a number for

the thai embassy in australia but i don't have a country code scotland i need the country code

god damn it he says 61 it's a country code 61 thank you there we go australia i see the flag

A blue flag with the British flag and a bunch of stars on the flag.

Here we go.

Oh, am I getting sick?

Yes, hi.

I'm calling regarding the King of Thailand.

How can I help you?

The King of Thailand is a homosexual asshole.

What would you like me to do?

I want you to tell the King of Thailand he can kiss my ass.

You have to send by email.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

Okay.

We'll take it under consideration after you send it by email.

Oh, my.

Please send an email.

bell and we'll take it under consideration you're right oh wow okay

that's not as fun as the uh hotels oh man am i gonna sleep good tonight all right let's call the

grand palace of thailand hey maybe that's uh where the king is i should do that confusion

right this is a grand palace to gigs here right don't let me an asshole we'll get your request

of pranks in a moment. I think there's one or two

in there. I want to thank everyone who's tuning

in tonight at Madhouse Radio.

For one...

Oh my god.

Is it saying seven?

That's what I'm hearing.

zero works everywhere hello yes do you speak english oh that's good i was calling about the

king of thailand he's a stupid as shit asshole guy no she's going to confirm let me make sure

hubi gubi hi do you speak english

yes hi i was calling about the king of thailand apparently i have a report here that he's an

an asshole hello hello the king of thailand he's an asshole king of thailand is an asshole

a stupid asshole why do you say like that sir because he's a stupid asshole i saw him on tv

and he thinks he's his shit doesn't stick he's like oh i'm the king of thailand well you know

what i think he's an asshole well he also smells like shit anything what do you need me to help you

anything sir what can you just get upset about what i said you don't want to get mad

Get mad at what?

Get mad at me and yell and say things to me.

You don't want to do that?

Why do I have to get mad at you?

Because it's funny.

Because of what?

It's funny.

That's why I do.

I call people and I say mean things and I make jokes and they get mad and they yell at me.

And then a lot of people think it's funny and we all laugh.

We go, ha, ha, ha, ha, like that after.

You don't want to do that for me?

If you don't have anything that you need my help, there is another line that's waiting for me.

Who is it? Who's on the other line?

If you don't need any help from us, there is a line waiting for me.

I don't understand because I called other hotels in Thailand.

But it is possible that I will access in the next line.

Hello? Hello?

Hello, sir.

Yes, hi. Anyway.

Hello, sir.

Yes, listen, I was getting as...

I called other hotels and they got quite mad and they cooperated and you don't want to.

What do you want me to answer?

Angry. I want you to get angry and say bad words to me.

Do you need me to be angry of you?

Yes.

I'm sorry about that, sir.

Okay.

I'm not mad at you because you didn't do anything.

Well, I said the king of Thailand is an asshole.

Doesn't that make you mad?

It's up to the emotion of the other.

Okay.

The Thai people, we are respect and we love our king and dynasty.

Okay.

There's no one to destroy us.

Mm-hmm.

And I'm sorry about that.

There is another light waiting for me.

Would it be possible that I can end the conversation, sir?

Yeah, sure.

You go ahead and do your thing.

Go take your phone call.

Well, thank you for talking to me.

All right.

Thank you very much for calling, sir.

Bye-bye.

Have a great day, sir.

You too.

Bye, honey.

Well, she was nice.

She put it on perspective, right?

That's good.

Cool.

She's like, yeah, I don't have to get mad, you know?

You have your opinion, and I love my king.

Very nice of her.

That was nice.

Very nice.

That's call of the night so far.

Thank you for calling.

Good morning, yes, I was calling, regretting...

Hello?

Yeah, I was calling because I'm running late.

I'm supposed to meet somebody there, and I'm going to be running late.

Could you leave a message for them?

Yes, it's the King of Thailand, Rama the Knife.

Yeah, the King was expecting me there,

because we're going to get a hotel room, the King and I,

And we're going to kiss and make love to each other

And he's going to kiss me on my body

How may I help you, sir?

Well, I want you to leave a message for him

And tell him that I'm going to be late

For having homosexual

Okay, may I have, I'm sorry again

May I have the guest name, please?

Can you spell it for me?

R-A-M-A

I'm sorry

R, no, no, listen, damn it

I'm going to start from the beginning

R-A-M-A

And then I-X

bless me oh yeah i'm getting sick please uh boomy ball b-h-u-m-i-b-o-l and the last name is

a-d-u-l-y-a-d-e-j i don't think she's gonna get mad this is uh i cannot find the name

is can you spell the last name again please listen listen listen to me honey it's the king

you're king the king i'm sorry the king you're king the king of thailand do you know who he is

yeah this is the hotel i know but i'm supposed to meet the king there to have sex with him in

the room in the hotel oh come on dragon oh boy i'm feeling a sick thank you for calling

yes i was calling about the king of thailand hello yes

Yes, the King of Thailand is a stupid asshole.

I don't understand.

I'm sorry.

How may I teach you?

Who would you like to speak to?

The King of Thailand is stupid.

I don't understand.

I'm sorry.

Maybe you mistake.

Thank you.

She knows what I'm saying.

You know, he was born in Massachusetts, according to his information.

King of Thailand.

He was born at the Mount Auburn Hospital in Cambridge, Massachusetts in the United States in 1927.

Holy shit.

Right?

I'll be damned.

I'll be damned, too, fucker.

How old is he?

They said, what, he was 85?

He must be.

Look at a picture of him in 2010.

He doesn't look 85.

He actually looks pretty good for 85.

Holy shit.

Lucky guy.

Uh, yeah.

Look at that.

Wow.

Son of a bitch.

Good to be king.

All right, he went to Harvard.

Wow.

Ah, the younger son of his dad, his name, blah, blah, blah, his father, blah, blah, blah, blah.

His father enrolled him in the public health program at Harvard University.

Uh-huh, there you go.

Well, let's continue on.

What do we got?

What other numbers we got here?

Let me look, request a prank over here.

Oh, boy.

We got a Gamers Inn.

Acid Pest sending in the number for the Gamers Inn where they don't like furries.

Remember that?

They might be closed by now.

They had to change their hours.

They used to be a 24-7 gaming place.

Would they change that because of the furries hanging out and not leaving?

And the furries stunk?

They smelled bad?

I had actually never heard about furries until I started listening to this show.

Are you serious, you never did?

Wow.

Pretty much.

But, you know, I'm way back there.

I still got that hotmail account and shit, you know, all that good stuff.

I have a nephew.

He's 20, I think, or he's 19.

And at first we were hoping it was just a phase.

He thought it was cool and he was going to the conventions.

And he recently bought the furry head.

he doesn't have the full suit yet but he just has the head and we're and he's piecing it together

he's he's got a he's got a furry girlfriend uh and she's actually kind of cute she's pretty cool

apparently i haven't met her but i've seen her on facebook she seems cool but she's a furry and he

works he works for a veterinarian who's a furry yeah anyway let's continue that if that doesn't

breaking news would you take your animal you take your loving your the cat you love or the dog you

love to a veterinarian who's a furry discuss yes hi gamers and this is starfox how you doing

my name is starfox i'm a furry okay and i wanted to come in there with my fursona and strut around

and show everyone i'm the king of thailand sit down i'm not is this a prank call man i'm not

I'm not in the mood to listen to this.

I'm going to strut around and show my feathers to everybody.

I think they know we prank called them a few times.

He doesn't want to hear it.

I had nothing, you know.

I don't want to make fun of furries because, you know, someone I love is a furry.

I'm just not into that anymore.

Sorry, Acid Pez, I just can't do it.

I lost it.

Sorry.

One of my best friends is a furry.

J-Rad sends in a new number for Shane.

this guy's women has trashed three of his vehicle and also cheated on him twice and yet he is still

with her fucking nuts all right cool let's do it this is in nevada i don't know what i'm gonna do

we'll call him fucking mouse fucking asshole mouse keep dropping it hope you guys are having

a good time i hope the show's going good let me know if it's not your name is remember after the

beat guys you're there man i'm getting sicker by the minute play some music you know what i'm gonna

gonna play a prank call i need i need to stand up and walk around and hopefully get some energy

because i'm starting to crash here from the sickness shit that i got um milkman i i think

i'm gonna play the the pedo confession i have here prank masters pedophile confession uh i think i'll

lose i want to listen to that i'm gonna play that after the show's over i'm gonna play that

as we head out i think i'll play that um however in the meantime fucker looking here at a prank

call that i would like to play from the last show we did we did a saturday show recently here as i

was uh trying to get back into gear uh this is oh what was it called what was that how many penises

on your computer yeah that's what it is how many penises on this computer uh for those of you who

don't know what happened on this call basically brad uh carter uh he called some geek squads

and got numbers for people who had left computer machines at the geek squad for repair

pair and i called a few of them and some of most of them didn't go anywhere but this one in

particular went really far an older lady who left her computer at geek squad at best buy uh to have

it repaired because internet explorer was missing and they want to charge you two hundred dollars

and i give her a lot of shit and i accuse her of having penises on her computer let's all listen

to this and afterwards we'll have a discussion just a moment yeah yes hello patricia uh man

Yes, this is Cross. I'm calling from...

I'm calling about your computer.

I understand you left your computer machine here.

Uh-huh.

Okay, and what did you do to it this time?

Why did you mess it up again?

I haven't messed it up again.

You have again, because you obviously really messed up this computer.

You don't know how to use it?

Yes, I know how to use it.

Do you know how to turn it on?

Yes, I know how to turn it on.

All right, so why is it not working?

Because this isn't clear to me here.

It doesn't even start at all right now.

Because I lost internet experience.

You lost the blue E?

Yes.

Okay, well, why did you get the iPhone instead?

Why did I want it?

Well, you should have gotten an iPhone machine instead of this computer

because you don't know how to use a computer.

I know how to use a computer, mister.

Well, the confusion is because we had you down as Patricia.

Someone thought your name was Pat.

Do you go by Pat?

Yes, I do.

Well, they were thinking that you were a man because of Pat.

Well, I'm not.

I know.

Obviously, now we know that you're not a man.

You're a woman, and that's the problem.

That's why you shouldn't have a computer.

What's it going to cost to fix it?

Well, since you're not cooperating with me,

and I'm having to work overtime overnight,

it's like 1230 in the morning now.

Now, it's going to cost you an extra $200 because it's overtime hours now.

Well, just forget it then.

Well, I already started fixing it.

It's too late now, so...

Well, I'm not paying $200 overtime to fix it.

Well, how much did you want to pay?

Right.

Okay, so you don't want to pay the extra $200 for me to fix it for you tonight?

Not tonight, no.

All right, well then, I'm going to have to send it to Russia.

There's a computer company in Russia called Adventuring Computers.

Send it anywhere.

Yeah, well I already got the label printed out.

I don't care.

Don't send it anywhere.

Well, you'll have to pay for the shipping because I already paid for the shipping.

It's $200.

I'm not paying for the shipping.

Do you want me to put in a PSU L775 or 755 in here?

I'll be by tomorrow and pick up the computer.

How long do you need Internet Explorer for?

I can give it to you for 30 days then and that's it.

All right.

For $200, you can only use a computer for 30 days, and you have to bring it in, and you're going to get a Macintosh Apple computer instead.

Don't download it, Dan. Just leave it.

It's already downloaded. It's on here on the computer.

I'm not paying $200 for it.

Do you want me to take it off?

Take it off.

Well, for me to take it off, I have to hit the computer with a hammer to break it.

And I dropped the computer in an accident, and the screen, like the part where the screen connects, I think I broke it.

So that's like another $50 to fix it.

I'm not paying another $50 to fix it when it was your fault.

Well, it was an accident.

I don't care if it was.

I'm not liable for accidents because you don't know how to use a computer and you had to leave it here.

Look, I'll be back.

We're closed.

Do anything.

We're going to close tomorrow.

What?

We're closed all day tomorrow for 4th of July.

Then I'll pick on Monday.

Well, we're closed too. I just said it was 4th of July. You don't understand? Are you stupid?

Yeah, the 4th of July is Wednesday. I know exactly what I'm saying.

So we're closed until Friday.

I'll pick on computer.

Well, if you want the computer back, you need to give the $200 for the repair plus $200 overtime plus $50 to fix.

No, I'm not giving you an extra $200 overtime.

No, and also plus $50 because I dropped it.

That's your problem, not mine.

Now, here's the good thing.

Internet Explorer is free.

Good.

Internet Explorer is free, but I have to charge you the money to put it on there.

Because I'm a smart, I'm a computer person.

I'm smart, and I know how to fix computers.

Well, good news.

I know how to pick them up.

Oh, yeah, you know how to pick them up and drop them.

You did that.

I didn't.

I'm putting down here that you dropped the computer, and that's why it's not working.

I did not drop it.

Well, I put it in the paper in the computer.

It says that customer dropped the computer and broke it, and she's stupid, and she doesn't know what to do.

Fella, I've had it with you, and I'm not paying you anything.

Did you put pornography on here? What's this pornography?

No pornography on it.

There's a black man with his penis outside.

His penis is sticking out of his pants, and he's touching his penis.

I've had it. That's enough.

His penis.

There is no pornography on it.

There's a penis on here.

I don't care if there's...

Penis!

How many penises are on this computer?

Tell me.

There's a penis on here.

What's his phonography?

He dropped it.

There's a penis on there.

What did he say?

What's a penis doing on there?

There's a penis on there.

It's supposed to be sat in your pants.

There's three.

Yeah, there's like five penises on the computer.

Pictures of penises on the screen.

Well, why the hell are you so vain taking pictures of yourself?

No, they're not my pictures.

Don't be rude and nasty and say bad words like that.

Hey, you don't be rude and nasty and accusing the 65-9-year-old woman of computers with penises on them.

They don't give a shit what they look like.

Do you know what a penis looks like? Is that why you were curious?

Son?

Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry.

Where did you grow up? Out in the country somewhere? Your parents didn't tell you anything?

I grew up in Kentucky.

That probably explains it.

Yeah, it's the greatest state in the Union.

Yeah, boys carry asses out of the...

The penises, yeah.

Man, you are so far out, Phil, as

soon as possible.

You will pay for the computer to be...

I already fixed the computer.

I took the penises off, and I replaced them with vaginas.

You know...

Yes.

Don't talk with your supervisor, sir.

Oh, whatever.

I am the supervisor.

Well, you have a boss, and we will find him.

Nope, nope.

I won't tell you who he is.

Don't worry, we'll find him.

Son of a bitch.

God damn it.

I don't need to be here at work looking at penises.

That's all wrinkle penises have.

That milkman in Kentucky, they walk around with their peckers out.

Is that what she said?

Yeah, their peckers.

That's country, girl.

All right, that was How Many Penises on This Computer by Carlito.

Oh, boy, am I getting sick.

Pretty good call right there.

Thank you.

So you'd love the $50 extra charge for you dropping.

Yeah.

I'm not liable because you're stupid and you had to bring your computer in.

well the other quote uh we found out that you're not a man you're a woman you shouldn't have a

computer in the first place yeah all right um i don't think i can do this anymore i've got a

headache i've got sinus pressure i'm sneezing my tonsils are swollen and i gotta work tomorrow i

gotta i can't miss work tomorrow i have i have things that must be done at work tomorrow people

are counting on me i'm afraid i'm making an executive decision here milkman again we're

We're going to have to call it an early night tonight.

I'm sorry, guys.

I'm so sorry.

I feel like shit right now.

I'm going to have some vitamin C.

Milkman, are you connected still?

Do I need to call him back?

Yeah, I'm still here.

All right.

Are you okay with that?

I'm sorry.

I know you're going to be upset.

I know you have big plans.

That's all right.

We'll do the Olympic missiles next week.

Okay.

Sounds good.

Oh, boy.

That'll give us some ideas to practice between now and then.

Man.

Milkman, is this zinc work?

You know, someone, I was reading an article, I've heard about it before,

and I was trying to find out, does zinc really help out if you're getting a cold?

Some people say yes, some people say it's not.

Oh, the zinc lozenges actually, yeah, if you use those, like what it does,

it puts a coating on your throat and in your mouth,

and it doesn't allow the virus to get inside the cell membrane of the cells in the lining of your throat.

Okay, all right, maybe I'll try that.

So it's like a coating is what it is.

They kind of leave a film in your mouth, but that's actually good

because then the virus can't attach itself to the cellular membrane.

And once it gets inside the membrane, then you've got the virus.

Oh, man.

All right, I've got some Cold Ease, that zinc tablet shit.

It tastes like shit.

What have they got?

Yeah, they've got a funny taste, and they're kind of like pasty and like filming.

But they actually work if you use them.

I've used them many times when I've had it start to get a cold,

and they actually help fight it off.

Okay, I'm going to take some of those.

I was thinking I'm going to go to bed.

Get the sugar-free kind, though.

They got a sugar-free kind that are actually a little bit better for you.

That's what I got.

I got the sugar-free ones.

Hell yeah, man.

Yeah, that's what I get.

And they make a generic version, I think, at Walmart, too,

and you can get a lot more for the same amount of money.

Oh, that's cool.

All right.

Well, Ken, you're out of here on your ass, man.

Thanks for being on.

Sorry.

See you.

It's good having Ken on.

We're going to wrap things up here.

Milkman, take us out of here while I think about it.

All right.

There you go.

Hey, my friends, our friends, our friends.

Now, wasn't that a crazy whack-out show?

I'm glad everybody showed back up and took the time to stop in and check to see us here in the madhouse.

We showed pretty good and enjoyed having you here.

I'd like to thank our numbers hit, man.

Are you talking to me?

Yeah.

Hey, wait, Milkman.

Weren't you supposed to send me tea or something?

You're going to send me tea.

What happened with the tea?

Milkman.

Oh, you're talking to me.

Oh, okay.

Okay. No, no, I haven't talked to you, so I wasn't sure what was going on.

When you had the computer out of jail last week, I didn't get a chance to talk to you.

But yeah, yeah, yeah, I can send it to you.

I'll go down to the store and get it this week. I'll let you know when it's coming.

Well, it's too late now. I could have used it tonight.

Thanks. Bye. All right, continue.

Oh, my.

Okay, you're going to play on the outro, too.

You're going to play the Prank Master call for the kids up there.

You're touching the guy that's gone now.

Okay, good, good, good.

So stay tuned at the end of the show, folks.

I'd like to thank especially our numbers hit man.

That's right.

That was an awesome loser.

I'd like to thank everybody that brought and sent numbers in on our Frank Palmet work.

If you use the website, thank you so much.

Nunu, if you provide any good calls as well, thank you so much.

I'd like to thank all our friends right there.

98.6 the mouth in our chat.

Everybody showed up tonight.

Welcome back, Ellie.

Good to see everybody.

Jill, Nunu, Enigma,

Open Loser.

We see a bunch of people in here I know.

Ken, thank you so much.

We're glad to have you.

Our friends over at Cacti Network,

thank you so much.

We hope you enjoyed the show

as much as we enjoyed having you.

I'd like to thank you, especially you.

That's right, our listeners.

Our dear listeners.

We do this every week.

Unless you're not at the show on the internet,

we drop the dime.

We only ask that you give us the time.

Bring a friend, or better yet, bring an enemy.

You're always welcome right here in the Madhouse.

But how can we ever do it without our fearless leader?

That's right, the Generalissimo of the Madhouse,

Edmonito.

Thank you, and thank you to the supercomputer.

We sure enjoyed it.

Over to you, big man.

Supercomputer, Tim Murray.

What's about clowns?

What is this about clowns?

What happened?

Why are they talking about clowns in the chatroom?

Was there a clown convention?

Why didn't Nunu send me the information?

I would have called it.

I don't know.

Nobody mentioned it.

They were just kind of bullshitting it, and now they brought it out.

Well, they said clowns this and clowns that.

Yeah, July 11th to the 15th, clown convention.

There's a clown convention right now.

Oh, no.

Now you're sending the information, Nunu.

Why didn't you send it before?

Everybody would have seen it and would have called.

You son of a bitch.

You see what I mean, Nunu?

Drop the ball.

Sleeping at the wheel, Nunu, once again.

Oh, my.

Oh, man.

You know, very disappointing.

We could have a little fun with that.

I know.

No, maybe Saturday.

Saturday, maybe I'll try to do a show.

Milkman, what's your plan Saturday?

Well, let me know, dude.

Just give me a little advance warning.

Give me a couple hours.

I'll make sure I'm available.

All right.

I got a couple customers, but you just make sure you let me know,

and then I'll be ready for you.

All right.

Pencil me in for a Saturday show to make up for the hour that I'm cutting out

earlier this week.

All right.

Predominantly a Saturday.

There we go.

All right.

And then we'll call Clowns then.

Good?

Good.

All right.

All right, guys.

So be on the lookout, Saturday show this weekend if you're around.

Yeah, anyway, and I wanted to say, hey, everybody out there, you know,

like I said before, the Madhouse Shoutcast is working again.

So, you know, during your day, if you're at work or at home, you know,

tune in and listen to some prank calls.

There's four shows a day that play off the podcast.

While you're at it, you can also listen to Cacti Radio.

A lot of prank calls on there on that shoutcast station.

Thanks Brad and the phone losers

For having us on there

They play Madhouse

Brad plays Madhouse shows on there also

And of course also Blue Planet Prank Radio

Thank you Ted for having us here

It's always a pleasure

All our people listening on Blue Planet

Be sure to

Give a thanks, give a holler out to Ted

He runs Blue Planet

And

Make sure you thank him

For running a fine prank call station

has a great mix of them including manhouse pranks but he's got a whole mix of a good rotation of

prank calls there uh so all of you if you're listening uh you know during the day listen on

your on your iphones on your android phones on your whatever on your computers your computer

machines make sure you're listening to prank calls from today tell a friend and go to go to

the youtube channels that deal with prank calls and subscribe and like and comment on them let's

Let's try to make sure we support this community as much as we can, all right?

I don't hold any grudges.

I don't hold any anger.

The thing with the prank call community sometimes, I've said this before,

everybody seems to be like, oh, you know, I'm me.

I'm the best prank caller, and everyone else sucks.

You've got some people that just have that attitude, and it's not going to work out.

We're too small of a community.

it's too much of a niche of a comedic uh fan base uh for us to be you know whittling it down like

that i don't see why print callers would want to do that anyway but i'm looking forward to hearing

your communication about your communication with the zone i'd love to hear him again i miss that

guy there you go but you know whatever i said unless unless it's rev because rev just sucks man

Oh, my God.

I hate to talk shit, but, dude, I heard a Rev prank call recently.

All it was was him calling an old lady about pooping.

It wasn't even funny, dude.

You know, I just, whatever.

I know this is going to get back to him.

It's going to be bullshit, but whatever.

Are there weenies still going to those shows and stuff over on that network?

I don't know.

Rev's like, I'm back, and I'm doing shows on J-Stream.

He happened to know that other dude, the one nerd there, the Chinese guy.

What was his name?

He always said, the sidekick.

A whole bunch of people stayed over there.

Sidekick Chuck and all that?

I don't know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think they got over it.

Yeah, I don't remember.

Don't know, dude.

Anyway.

He always was, like, cut in on the show, man.

Okay, oh, well.

Whatever.

All right, man.

We'll discuss.

Milkman, you take care.

I'll give you a call here in a second.

and I want to talk to you, right?

Yeah.

Cool, cool.

Bye, everybody.

Thank you so much for having me.

Thank you, everybody, for joining us.

Over to you, big man.

We love you.

See you Saturday, guys.

Don't forget to play the prank master call.

What the fuck, you motherfucker?

Perfect.

Fuck you, motherfucker.

Yeah.

What, motherfucker?

I took a big shit.

Calls (18, 54 min of 2 h 12 min)

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