7 Year Madhouse Anniversary Show Machine

Motherfuckers

Yeah, what do you mean? Don't fucking swear

Why do you swear?

Motherfuckers

Come here, I'll fuck you

Come here

You'll fuck me, is it? Are you very nice?

I will fuck you, come here

Are you a nice girl?

Motherfuckers

What is your size?

Oh my god

I'm not playing no fucking games, dude

I fuck you, son of a bitch

Stop making a stupid comment

You're out of your crazy mind

You ain't getting no goddamn dollars

I'll fuck you

All my blocks

You smell perfect

Why don't you piss off?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

I know you've got some things lined up for our listeners out there.

And looking forward to our great display of bars, my friend.

We love you, Armanito.

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you, Milkman.

Thanks for being here.

Thanks for the great intro.

Thank you, everybody.

Very excited.

We've got some things planned for the night.

I'd like to thank all of you again for joining us tonight.

And apologies for not being around last week.

I had no voice last week.

No voice to speak of.

You're sounding much better, my friend.

And your melodious tones are certainly welcome on such a lascivious evening as tonight.

I cannot believe it's been seven years, my brother.

Honestly, it seems like it's only been a couple days, my friend.

So many miles we've traveled together, my friend.

And thank you so much for having me along for the ride, my brother.

It's been one heck of a bang up till now.

I just don't understand, man.

I don't understand.

I don't understand what you're talking about.

Has it really been seven years?

Yes, it has.

I think somebody's playing with the candles, dude.

It just doesn't seem like it, man.

But, you know, you think about all the things that's happened in the past.

My God, the computer hijacking, you know, the hijacking of the site,

all the things that have occurred over the years that all standing members do recall, man.

It's just amazing the things that we've been through and overcome in the ensuing years, man.

And, you know, as far as I'm concerned, it can only get better from now.

I mean, because look how far we've come from down to up.

I know, yeah.

The police busting in on us that one time when Hollywood was around and all that junk.

Yes, sir.

It's been crazy.

And with us through a lot of it has been, and I'm especially happy to have this man here.

We're just turning off the show, and I'm so happy he made it.

We already had a spoiler.

Someone noticed he logged in, but Jen Stewart's checking in.

Come on.

You're welcome.

Hey, Jen.

What's going on, brother man?

What's going on, man?

Can you hear me all right?

Yeah, you sound great, man.

Congratulations, Jen Stewart.

We're all proud.

We're going to let the cat out of the bag.

Jen Stewart is representing the United Kingdom this coming week in the Olympics.

He's going to be in archery.

Good luck, man, and go for the gold.

Yeah, thanks, man.

Yes.

He is a champion.

My goodness.

Welcome back, Jen Stewart.

Oh, my God, my brother.

He's an F.C.

Thank you, Ted.

No, that wasn't Ted.

Sorry.

That was Milkman.

I try to get all the Ted.

I haven't been here in such a long time.

I know.

It's all right, brother.

How you been, Jim?

You been busy?

You been keeping busy, man?

No.

No?

Good.

That's good.

Very good.

There's nothing wrong with that either, man.

Well, you've been missed, and we're glad to have you here, man.

I've been skiving, looking for excuses not to come.

You've been sleeping probably is what you've been doing, man.

I don't blame you.

That's what I've been doing.

Jesus.

He's got a whole bevy of honeys out there.

He doesn't let on everybody.

You know, this guy, man, he's solid, man.

He got him some honey.

He's got a whole heart of him.

Right, right.

Well, before we go any further, now we've got Jen here.

I just want to give a big shout-out to everyone who's listening and watching us tonight.

We're on the extended Madhouse Radio Network.

Of course, we are on 98.6 The Mouth, as always, our flagship station.

98.6 The Mouth.

Never have it any other way.

Finally got a nice rotation running on the Madhouse site.

independent now it's running nice got some good pranks on there i got some jim stewart pranks on

there i was listening really oh yeah you sent me some a while ago and i love dude uh i love the um

uh what's that called the the something house the one collection company that you kept calling

the stewart house oh that's awesome that's a pretty good one and i want to what is it

what is that noise is that you on your no that's a payphone oh over here when you don't put money

and a pay phone sort of makes a really gay sound like so somebody picks up a paper oh yeah it's

kind of cool like i like it's i don't know why it's just kind of it's kind of your it's there

to remind you that there's no money in the machine but you only get it if you like pick up the phone

so only the receiver hears it okay well there you go some uh phone loser information there from the

uk uh the phone losers who are listening to the show be interested in speaking of which we're

We're also on Cacti Radio.

Thank you, PLA, Cacti Radio users.

Thanks for having us on.

Of course, we're on Big Ted Webb.

We just talked about him.

I reached out to him, see if he can join us tonight.

No, he didn't get back to me.

I was late in reaching out to him, but I'm hoping if he does get my email when he gets home from work and all that, he might join us.

But not at the moment, Jen.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, he must come.

Ted, you must come.

We command you to come, Ted.

That's Blue Planet Radio, Blue Planet Pranks, Blue Planet Prank Hall, Blue, I don't know what it is.

And hey, a big announcement.

Blue Planet Prank Radio.

There you go, Blue Planet Prank Radio.

And a big announcement here.

It's been a while since we've, Milkmaid, if you could shut the music down real quick.

Okay, okay, here you go.

Big announcement here.

Now, this is a group of people we haven't been with in a while,

and they're good friends of the Madhouse from way back in the day.

For the first time in a long time

We're back on the newly reformed

And reintroduced

SyndicateRadio.tv

Goodness

Reconstituted and better than ever

Oh wow

Welcome to the Syndicate

Syndicate Radio back in the house

And Madhouse is there and I'm very proud

Spoke to Dino today and we are back in

I'm 100% behind Dino

And I'm hoping that we can bring

Syndicate Radio just as strong

and stronger than it was before.

I don't see why not either.

Yeah, the Dino mice are in the house.

Sir, I'm real excited.

Dino's checking in over there on Stick'Em.

SyndicateRadio.tv, same website that it always has been,

from what I understand.

SyndicateRadio.tv, feeding on Stick'Em.

Let's go get them, Dino.

We're going to do this thing.

Real excited about all this.

And, yeah, we got a lot of surprises here.

We've got more people to get to tonight from back in the day.

I'm real excited.

I don't want to let the cat out of the bag just yet.

Keep the surprises close to heart.

I did make a decision.

We're going to do, usually with these, actually, you know what?

We haven't done an anniversary show in the last two years.

We didn't do a six-year or a five-year anniversary show.

Circumstances occurred that made me have to skip them last year because of my health

and the year before that.

I don't know what happened.

but anyway uh thankfully we're here this year seven years in uh instead of doing a top 10 pranks

uh that usually takes up the entire show uh i thought it'd be best to do new pranks but we'll

do five we'll do the top five pranks uh of the last calendar year of the seventh season of mad

house uh so what would that be no no the bullshit the sixth season of madhouse we'll count down

on the top five uh so that will be pranks that started uh at the end of july of last year and

i think we'll start off with the first one real quick and we'll do some live pranks here we got

some ideas for prank calls in the uk as i mentioned the olympics start tomorrow actually it starts

today it starts today oh yeah because we're ahead of you oh you sneaky bastards well then well

everybody should have olympic missiles you know olympic missiles he keeps talking this big

big conspiracy they put missiles somewhere did you hear about this jim he's he's all open arms

about it no we know about sheep coming i'm gonna be there i'm actually i really am gonna be there

tonight i'm not i'm not performing or anything but i'm gonna be there gonna be walking i'm so

excited watch on tv everybody if you're watching in the united states nbc is the official network

of the olympics and when when the uk gets introduced uh look out for jim stewart you're

not gonna be holding the flag i'm sure but no no you won't you won't see me i'm sort of behind

the scenes but i'm definitely there he's gonna help carry the torch you're gonna light it that's

all so what what what a thing man that's you're gonna get to meet all these athletes i heard you

get a lot of pussy out there too in the olympics man yeah if that was true man if only that was

true i know well there you go well speaking of which everybody see how modest our guy is he's

such a great he's such a great guy well i'll say let's let's see the first uh the number five call

from the prank down here,

the number five best of the six season.

None other than Jen Stewart, Turkish Horse.

We're not going to play the whole thing

because it's ten minutes.

We're going to play a select part of it.

Here we go.

Jen Stewart, congratulations.

You got the number five best prank

of the last 365 minutes.

Really?

Yes, you did.

Number five.

And it's not playing.

All right.

Great.

Brilliant.

Great.

Thank you, Winamp.

Thank you.

It's that good.

It's that fucking good.

uh i'll have to load it in the other one wow i had an all nicest setup and nothing here we go

hello hello yes yeah who's this who's this this is mr stewart from the horse insemination

programmer ponies are us from there yeah ponies are us yeah we sell ponies listen i came into

your place the other day and somebody cursed at me they cursed at me in turkish do you speak

turkish yes i do yeah and they said to me hi one what does that mean oh that means

Well, it's still a bad thing. It means animal.

Oh, why would they call me an animal?

Who did? One of the employees?

No, I think it was just some person in the restaurant there.

I wouldn't know, man. I don't know.

He was quite small and he had a tail. I don't know what the...

He was just... He was really strange.

Horse?

Oh, I'm sorry about that. It's not...

Pony!

Who the fuck you are, then I'll fuck you up real good.

Up in the ass and your face too.

I would put you on a horse, and I would send you...

Why don't you come on over here?

I'm coming right now.

I will come there.

Yeah, who's this?

Yeah, I do.

This is Mr. Stewart.

I've got the horse insemination program.

Ponies are us.

You can only hide behind a fucking phone and talk to me from a distance.

You have no balls to come on over here.

I'm going to come there, and I'm going to slap you.

Do you understand?

Why don't you come on over here?

If you are a man, you sound like a man, but I don't think you are.

You don't think I am a man?

You are a faggot.

Let me show you my cock.

You are a faggot.

No, yeah, let me show you my cock.

You got nothing to show, motherfucker.

I don't think you have any.

I'm not gonna bitch you.

I'm sure you have a big ass.

I'm gonna punch you in the mouth.

Well, why don't you come on over?

I fuck you with that big ass, motherfucker.

You fuck me, my big ass motherfucker?

What the hell are you doing?

I'll fuck your big ass.

I got a big dick.

You fuck my big ass?

I've got a tiny ass.

You'll never get me.

Well, come on over.

Bring whatever you got with you.

I'll fuck you all.

You'll fuck my ponies?

I'll fuck you all.

I'll fuck your whole family.

My whole family.

And I'll fuck you.

I'm sure you like to be fucked because you sound like a faggot.

Are you a faggot?

No, I'm a horseman.

I'm sure you're a faggot.

Don't say no to me, motherfucker.

No.

It's obvious you're a faggot.

You like big cunts, don't you?

No.

I got a big cunt.

Come on over.

Good, good.

I'll give it to you and your wife, your sister, your whole fucking family.

You son of a bitch.

Why would you insult my cunt?

Why would you do that, man?

Why wouldn't I do that, motherfucker?

What am I going to do with it?

I'm trying to be nice.

You know, I'll fuck people with that.

You fuck people with that?

Come on over, I'll fuck you too.

I think you should fuck yourself, you son of a bitch.

Well, I'll fuck you.

I'm trying to be nice to you, you know.

I called up and I was trying to be nice to you.

I'm sure you like to be fucked.

Don't lie to me.

You are a faggot.

Congratulations.

If anybody wants to hear it, that's a long...

That's ten minutes worth.

Ten minutes worth of arguing.

arguing, Jen Stewart arguing about horse

insemination

with an angry Turkish guy. We actually

talked to his wife, and she's just as

mean and nasty and angry, Jen.

Really? About two or three weeks ago, I called

her, and she's, yeah, a female

version of that guy. You missed it.

But there you are. There you are.

That's you, Jen. Good work, sir.

That is me. That's not the best of me,

but that's me. It was good. That was definitely

a good one. That's a good show. Alright.

Well, let's keep going with

the show, and let's do some prank calls.

let me do this call here to warm up to the united kingdom let's see what happens calling christopher

booty big booty christopher hello yes is christopher there big booty christopher yes is

he there oh he is she said hold on oh could you please hurry up well this seems to be taking a

long time we'll call gay born instead in the meantime while we wait you're gonna keep them

at all don't bring someone else yeah why not i got the skype credits for it yes is gay there

Pistols.

But why?

I just asked for a name.

You have to come...

All right, let me try again.

Pistols.

What was that?

I didn't get anything with that one.

See, it's half past three in the morning.

They're going to say that.

Hello?

Three minutes past three in the morning.

I know.

Actually, it's 33 minutes past, you dumb bitch.

Yeah, really.

Check your clock on your phone.

Did you have a phone clock?

The clock on the phone?

Is this a cell phone that has a clock on it?

It's 3.33 in the morning.

Yeah, we set that.

Yeah, well done.

Yeah, well, I don't want to speak to anybody at 3.33 in the morning.

How gay are you?

Tough shit.

We're on air, so you better listen.

Yeah, we're men.

Okay.

Welcome to BT Answer 1571.

Hi.

Christopher, are you there?

You picked up the phone.

I'm gay?

No.

All right.

They're not talking.

Welcome to BT Answer 1571.

I just picked up the phone.

I don't know.

It's a hook.

You're a terrible boy tonight.

Please leave a message.

Very rude people tonight.

They were rather upset with the Olympics thing here going on, you know?

I mean, you can just hear the sportsmanship.

The Olympics were in town.

I'd be upset.

I'd be like, fuck this shit, man.

God, so annoying.

So, are there a lot of, is it annoying out there right now with the Olympics?

I mean, have you had to make any concessions yourself?

Well, I'll tell you what.

I'm about 15 minutes walking distance from Stratford where it's all taking place.

So, it's pretty, you know, lively here.

Let me put it that way.

nice is it loud is there a lot of sound that comes your way uh there was but i mean i don't

uh during the day there's always noise here so there's not really very much you can do you know

uh jen what you should do you need to go down to the olympic village right on your break from the

archery events and then you find yourself a north korean girl you know a north korean girl yeah and

tell her like like one of the ones who got pissed off when the flag was right yeah yeah the soccer

soccer goals soccer goals yeah you thought about that what the hell oh man of all the countries

that do that too they they put a south korean flag up for north korea of all the things they

could have done you know that that would have been like if it was the american team came out

and they put like oh no a picture of osama bin laden up there or something you know

iraqi flag or something yeah welcome to egypt yeah that would have been but you need to um get

with one of those north korea girls because you know they don't have anything there's no aids over

there in north korea no one gets in that country it's safe it's clean man clean pussy man and

they're probably all virgins and girls can't get pregnant the first time so i like that and then

what what you tell them is that if they you know do it with you then you'll smuggle in the uk

and get them asylum and stuff that's what i would do man hell yeah that sounds like a plan

was a good looking archery guy like you i'd be all over that yeah do it yeah okay i'll do it i

I promise you'll see me on TV and I'll do it.

I'll make a proposal, you know.

There you go.

To a North Korean girl.

Oh, man.

Well, here we are doing prank calls.

Now, let's see if we get.

Oh, yeah.

Request a prank.

Send them in.

Request a prank.

Sir, appreciated.

We'll be doing those over throughout the night.

In a little bit, we're actually going to be talking to another longtime manhouse friend.

If you're in the chat room, you might already know who that is.

He's already in there.

As a matter of fact, let me make sure he's opt a little bit of a spoiler there.

I'm going to give him a call a little bit here.

Do you have to go at some point to work or get ready?

Not really.

I'm pretty good today.

I mean, I'm not doing anything for at least 15 hours.

Awesome.

So we should be okay.

Good deal.

All right.

But obviously, I'm not going to be on forever.

I just got up particularly for this day.

I understand.

Well, thank you.

Thank you, sir.

We appreciate it.

Let me go ahead and I got to get a phone number here for the next person we're going to call.

It's on my phone.

What did I mention?

I got a Samsung Galaxy S3.

Very excited.

about this phone.

Oh, wow.

I really want one.

It's very nice.

But it's pretty big.

My friend has one.

It's really, like,

it's chunky, you know?

Yeah, you know what?

I am getting used

to that, actually.

It's hard, like,

holding it with one hand

like the text.

I have to get used to it.

I have an S2.

Is that about the same size

as the Evo LTE, Hermano?

I'm not sure.

What's the screen size?

I don't know.

To be honest, I don't know.

It's smaller than...

Mine's 4.8.

I don't know.

exxon i'm sure someone in the chat room could i think it's you know for me it's almost as big

as an ipad you might not forget it i can't fit that thing in my pocket i can't run with it i

can't do anything with it so it's too bulky for me uh okay gotcha it's better than the note the

notes wait i don't know if they got the note in the uk i've seen the note yeah that's retarded

it's it's not a phone but it's not a tablet it's in between like wow okay great sounds very

Very inconvenient.

We'll call our next guest here, see if he picks up.

Hello, this is John. May I help you, please?

How are you, John? How are you doing?

I'm doing wonderful tonight. What can I help you with, sir?

This is the Dell service desk, please.

Oh, man, I'm just excited. Hopefully get to talk to Summer Big Johnson, etc.

We're talking to Hollywood Vanya for the first time in years.

Wow!

Oh, wow. That's...

Here's Summer.

He's been absent longer than me.

I know, he has been. Hollywood, how you been, bro?

I've been doing just peach.

All right.

That's good.

I hope everything's well for you.

Hope you're doing good.

Your prank calls are still very popular in the Madhouse clique.

Still get lots of requests to play your pranks and to have you call in.

I know there's a lot of people excited right now that you're on, my man.

Awesome.

Awesome, man.

Yeah, man.

Seven years.

Well, happy seventh birthday.

Thank you, sir.

I appreciate it.

You got time for a prank call, or do you want to sit in with us for a while, or you got

to get going?

I don't know if we caught you in a bit

Actually I work really early in the morning

I can be on set early

So I just wanted to wish you guys

A happy birthday

That's where I've been

I'm doing a bunch of set work right now

That's the kind of stuff I wish I could do

That sounds like a fun job

You meet a lot of interesting people

Big Hollywood type

Your name is Hollywood man

What can I say

Well it's good to have you on

Don't be a stranger

We want to hear more from you

Yeah, all right.

All right, and as soon as I get done with all these different jobs,

I'll get back to you guys, all right?

Sounds good, Hollywood.

Well, take care, brother.

All right, man.

All right, see you later, man.

Bye, everybody.

Good night.

Bye.

Hollywood, bye.

Peace, good to hear from you.

Yeah, I'm just happy to be able to make contact with Hollywood

for the first time in a long time.

He's really busy.

He works for a major news corporation now.

Carlito, he actually got me onto something there

because I'm very, very rude,

and I'd like to apologize, and I'd just like to make an announcement.

What? Okay. What's up? What happened?

Happy

birthday, Madhouse Radio.

Aw, thanks.

That should have been the first thing I said when I came on, but unfortunately

as you know, like that lady pointed out,

it's 20 to 4 in the morning, and I'm just like,

oh, where the fuck am I?

Yeah. Or three

after, whatever. She doesn't know what time it is.

She was like, yeah, she was like,

it's three minutes past three.

Duh.

learn a read i don't know smoking a cigar here jen i know you can't smoke cigars because you're

an athlete but i've been a nasty habit i've been i used to smoke cigars on the show before but now

i'm way i'm smoking cigar a day one a day it's expensive as fuck oh my god is it really this is

a 16 cigar i don't know how much that is in euro that's what you spend over there but it's 16

dollars right here i'm smoking it's a limited edition oh very nice that is a fat waste of

money you might as well just like you could you could always buy a spliff you know that would be

i would do that yeah but you know it's illegal so they're thinking about changing that over here

you know there's a big debate and um seriously they're actually thinking about doing this

and legalizing cannabis that's medicinal in california and it's a big money maker yeah

nope but yeah they made it legal in in california but then the state department the the federal

government the united states country government uh hasn't legalized it and they're going and

they're going after the dispensaries the places where you can buy it at but it's legal on this

they have that here in holland somewhere like here in europe in holland you know the netherlands

it's crazy the obama administration came out saying oh we'll never prosecute people for this

we'll never go after the places and and and now the the administration is going after it's

bullshit i think it's bullshit but there you are smoke them if you got them guys if you got it i

don't have it but if you got it enjoy um do not smoke the k2 though no matter do they have k2 over

there in uh the fake pot do they do that there in the in the uk probably i don't know um you know

i'm not really into that but i'm pretty sure they've got everything over here that they've

got over there i wouldn't be surprised yeah careful with that shit don't get into that man

oh there wasn't that last time i came on the show and somebody called in and they were like

Like, yeah, I had a girlfriend who took this shit, and something crazy happened.

Yeah, in the Walmart parking lot.

Yeah, that would be evil already.

Yeah, that's evil already.

Yeah, that's right.

And he was all paranoid about what was going to happen.

Yeah, that would be evil already.

Yes, sir.

Let's go ahead and give a call to Thailand here.

Now, last show that we did, I don't know if you were aware of this, Jin Stewart,

but in Thailand, it's actually a horrendous crime to talk bad about the king of Thailand.

No, I didn't know that.

We put that to the test, and we got some people very upset at us last week.

Let's put that to the test here and call Tylan in just a moment.

Oh, wow.

If you feel like jumping in on a prank, you let me know.

You can't, all right?

Yeah, maybe later.

Somebody asked what the Skype name is for the Madhouse line.

Madhouse.radio.

I want to say a big what's up to Andy.

Big Andy is in the house.

That's the real Andy.

Sure it is.

Andy's here.

and welcome i don't know why it's not connecting there we go takes a while andy's here yes hi is

this thailand place sorry is this thailand good yeah i had a i wanted to ask you a question um

yes all right have you lived in thailand all your life sorry have you lived in thailand all of your

life you always live there yes okay um you know the king of thailand right yes raw mother isn't

he an asshole isn't he stupid asshole right but you hate him try her again oh they were getting

all kinds of upset last show i mean remember they're like fuck you asshole so they're saying

hello

yes good morning yes i'm calling about the king

of thailand oh this isn't gonna work she can barely hear her sometimes you get through they

sound fine sometimes i don't god she sounds like she's whispering into the phone asians have big

phone problems man i mean look at charlotte god they call you so long you're so wrong

It's long to make fun of him

Alright, different number in Thailand

Let's do this

And we'll do some requested pranks here in a moment

Lonesome Loser will be joining us here soon

And a reminder

We have a few spots left open

For the Madhouse Fantasy Football League

Hello, is this Thailand?

Hello

I'm calling for the Plaza Athene

Bangkok at Royal Meridian Hotel

Yes, so

What do you mean so?

I was calling about reservations

Reservations?

Yes.

One moment, please.

Morning, reservation. This is Surana. Take your service.

Yes, hi, good morning. I was calling about making a room there.

Could you say again?

The room? You know, when you stay in the room over there?

Um, may I have your room number?

No, I don't have a room. I want to make reservations.

All right. So when would you like to check in?

Uh, whenever the king's available, I like to go in the room and pull the king Rama IV.

I want to pull his pants down inside the room and spank him.

Excuse me, sir.

Could you say again slowly, please?

Uh-huh.

You know the king of Thailand?

Yes.

I want to pull his pants down inside the room and spank him on his bottom.

You see?

Don't be afraid.

Hello?

They're tracing the call.

Hello?

No.

Yeah, she doesn't like that.

I think the first, let me call back, because the first lady who picked up the receptionist,

she sounded kind of cunty.

She might be mean.

Yeah, maybe.

Brandon Vegas is here.

What's up, Brandon Vegas?

Yes, hi.

Is this Thailand Hotel again?

Yeah.

Yeah, listen, I was calling about the king of Thailand.

I want to pull his pants down and spank him on his naked bottom.

Hello?

What the fuck?

Okay.

Sounds really hot, actually.

You know what?

That is just so gay.

Thai is one of the most disgusting languages.

Do you know what I'm saying?

It's like a lazy language, right?

It is so horrible, isn't it?

Wow.

It sounds like they're fucking trying to rap or something in a beatbox.

Great food, though.

Thai food, man.

Very good food.

Yeah, I'll admit that.

Fucking brilliant Thai food.

but what the fuck are they trying to say it's like you take the spiciest imaginable food and

mix it with like sugary coconutty stuff and mix it together for some reason it just sounds great

it tastes awesome my god yeah oh my god thai food is good there you go everybody check out

your local uh patronize your local thai restaurant tell them the king of thailand is an asshole tell

Tell them Madhouse Radio sent you.

Ask them if they can beatbox.

If they can beatbox?

Yeah.

Can you imagine?

All right, well, let's call England here.

No, well, okay, we're going to call England,

and then we'll get to the goddamn request to pranks.

We've got a lot of them.

This is such a good time.

Did we lose Stickum?

That would suck.

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Nothing yet, at least.

All right, well, we'll continue.

This is the best time to be calling the UK, though.

I mean, people would be so pissed off.

once they realize it's a prank

because they're just like,

for fuck's sake, at 4 o'clock.

Well, I kind of figured it's like

we usually wake them up around 5 or 6 in the morning

and then I was like saying,

well, it's probably even more of an aggravation

to wake them up at 3 or 4 in the morning

when you think about it

because you're in a deep sleep at that point.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, that's like REM sleep.

You're going to be in the middle of a dream.

Someone's having nice sex in the middle of a dream

and then you wake them up and disturb them.

It's the worst.

That's right when the girl's taking her bra off

and someone like you you don't recover from that that yeah that's it you know they get this close

to my dream girl and they're like you know a split second away never get there you're about

to fuck the queen of england and not anymore you fucked up my dream yes hello is this mr king

is maureen there no i'm sorry not oh and so where's maureen at is she in the bed look don't

do this all right please come on just talk to me he turned into static call him back no one's here

Yeah, Tuck's mentioning he's starting to get a storm.

That storm blew through Pennsylvania already.

Another crazy line of storms.

Like we had a few weeks ago, Milkman, up here in the northeast.

Oh, yeah?

Hello?

Mr. King?

Mr. King.

He's hanging right up there.

Yeah, a few weeks ago, we got a line of very intense storms that started out in the Midwest

and traveled all the way out to the Atlantic and took out power and damaged trees and damaged

homes and all this shit.

it took like up to eight days for a lot of people to get their power back and it happened again

today i don't think it was as severe today but it happened we got it days uh some people were

without power for like eight days yeah what the fuck that's like third world conditions if you

had if you had fucking eight hours over here would be extreme the infrastructure here is so

fucked up it's really messed up infrastructure here in the united states dude they've done a

very poor job of fixing things here okay well let's look at some requested pranks here and

Let's see what we got.

We got a lot of them, as a matter of fact.

We got some people on Facebook also saying what's up.

UK Ted's out there.

Facebook.

Wow.

Facebook.

Everyone in the chat room, real quick.

AMD's in there.

People confuse him for Jen Stewart a lot.

He's there, as well as UK Ted, as I said.

And Baz.

Baz is here.

I haven't seen Baz in ages.

Big shout out to Baz.

Iggy's here.

Who's Iggy?

Iggy is a very good old friend of the show, man.

And he's been around just about from the beginning, man.

Really?

Very good friend.

He actually was in on some of the good calls for the Jim Stewart shows, too.

What happened when?

I remember Iggy.

Iggy.

I remember.

Yeah, I'm sorry, Iggy.

Did you just quit back in 2006?

Yeah, dude.

Like, yeah, it's been that long, man.

He's been around.

Iggy, I'm sorry.

I don't remember you, my friend.

Well, welcome, Iggy.

Kokanee's here also.

That's good.

Nunu's here.

Nunu isn't sending any prank ideas, but Nunu's here.

We already said Andy Big Tuck is here as well

Tuck's one of the VIP members of Madhouse

It's good to see you

Elliot Ball joined us too earlier

Yeah, that's good

Has anyone seen, we haven't seen the dad around

The dad hasn't made an appearance in our special

No, I did send him a message, but he has not

He's not responded

Brandon Vegas, as we mentioned before, Bookapoo's here

Hey, Bookapoo

Crazy Fucker from California is here

Living in his van down by the river

No phone, but he has internet

Crazy Fucker, if you have internet, but you don't have a phone

that's fine get skype you can skype in and skype us dude get on skype and let me know add us on

skype we'd love to have you talk with us man uh crazy messed up dark stranger what's up uh big

dark dirty errands here also enigma 420 jfk is jack who's a pretty cool dude he's made some videos

for madhouse in the last uh last few months much appreciated jill big jilly beans another uk member

december here as well big ken corrupt corruptions here msc3 clay richie up in brooklyn home of the

nets a lot of people if i didn't get to you i'm sorry and i got to meet the end for the first

time finally got to talk to the end i was on the um phone losers uh we had a cacti radio had a show

uh impromptu conference on saturday that turned into a show where we're having some fun

we were prank calling uh places in aurora colorado where that shooting occurred um during

in the batman movie we were doing some prank calls in that area and it was kind of fun

speaking of them uh speaking about that let's go ahead and continue with uh prank calls let's see

what we got here as far as requested pranks uk godfather who loves sending requested pranks

and gets really upset when i don't get to them when i don't do a show get his requested pranks

as long as you're not sending in hospitals and stuff it's cool uk godfather had a talk with you

ones um we got a girl uh who's a stripper named tara at a place called the pony she's she's really

slutty and likes to give head hey now she thinks she's a shit but she's not and in all caps is

prank her okay we'll prank her i'm gonna call crazy messed up's number here pony right up your

alley jen stewart yeah you can tell her you can tell her uh you work for a place called like the

horse or something you want to try and get yeah you want to try and get a step up from the pony

or something i don't know step up from the pony is the horse your call has been forwarded to an

automatic voice message system five we'll give it a few seconds and try back in a moment

um i'm gonna see let me um see if i can find our next uh guest here they said they were going to

to be on skype at this time it's a person that shares this special date with us i don't think

i can find him i talked to him the other day i don't see him on skype let me look on here i

might not maybe i don't have him on skype i might have to call him on the phone machine first let's

do that first let's call this person this is going to be really cool this works out this is going to

be really cool i'm i'm real excited about this lonesome losers checking in that's good got

lonesome zolar what's up it's carlita just giving you a call like we talked about but i don't

think i have you on skype um just give me a call back uh you got the number or add me on skype

madhouse.radio all right man see you that's uh zolar host of the zolar party nation he's actually

doing a show right now and he wanted us uh to join him and he actually shares an anniversary

his show started uh the same week that we started so actually it is his seventh anniversary around

this time too uh but he's he's either busy doing a show or something else is going on i'm not sure

what's up mf and zolar uh wasn't that back in the day when there was like pcu and pcr that was back

in the pcu days man yeah that's pcu and pcr and they were like two different yeah out of groups

in action the fifth column day with katie k and dr lego and yeah i actually even reached out you

You guys would be amazed.

I was trying to get some, I was going way back.

I even tried to get a hold of Clone Homegrown, if you guys remember him.

Oh, man, that would have been hilarious.

Yeah, and I do want to let you guys know, unfortunately,

I tried very hard to get a hold of who would have been really cool to talk to.

I got his number.

Matter of fact, you know what?

I'll even try to call him right now, but I thought he was going to pick up.

Our friend Reclude got his number.

Somebody said Zolar is live on cam right now.

Yeah, he is.

Okay, thank you.

Yeah, he's doing a show now, and what we're going to do, we're going to join our shows together for a few minutes via Skype.

Crossover.

Yeah, we're going to crossover.

That was our plan.

But I thought I had his Skype, and the Skype that I've got for him here is not the right one.

You know what it might be?

I don't think he's added me on Skype.

I think that's what it is.

Enigma, if you've got his Skype name, send it to us, please.

Post it or send it to me in the other chat or wherever, man.

I'll get it to your mono.

Or if you're in there, tell him that Carlito's trying to get a hold of him.

Tell him to give me a call.

He's got my number or to Skype me also, madhouse.radio.

Definitely.

We definitely want to talk to this old man.

Definitely would be cool on this special occasion.

But let's see what other requested pranks we got here while Lonesome Losers confirming numbers,

which reminds me, Milkman, you especially need to get on the ball.

We have a few spots left on the Madhouse Fantasy Football League.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

I've got to check that.

I'll think and remind me.

I'll check that link out right now.

Yeah, do that.

We got quite a few players in there now.

I think Ken said he wanted to play.

I need, if you want to join the Fantasy Football League,

we have about four more spots to create a 12-team league.

I think, let's see how many teams we got.

One, two, three, four, five.

So we have six teams already.

So we're about halfway full.

I've sent out invites to everyone who asked for one.

Right now we got, from what I understand, we got Zyklons in there from Cacti.

The guy who was mad as fish last year on our team, he's there.

Evil Art, he's got his team, the San Francisco 69ers.

My friend Eric's in there.

He's a fan of the show.

He listens, and he's in there.

I am in there as well.

Milkman, you've been invited.

Andy said he doesn't want to play this year for some reason or another.

I don't understand why.

I don't know why he doesn't want to play.

I don't know what's up with that.

DJ H.

Andy Dandy.

Andy's making up history saying that we quit on him last year.

He's the one that quit early.

Hello.

DJ H.

Computer machine.

Hello.

Someone's on Skype with us.

I think it's just going to sit there.

Well, you can sit there then.

All right.

Good luck with that.

Richie, you want to call in?

You can't.

Andy says he was asked to play fantasy football, but I declined because it's gay.

All right, Andy.

Yeah, it's gay.

Football's gay.

You're right.

Very good point.

Well, he's the perfect guy for the job, man.

I mean, you know.

Yeah.

With the belt buckle, right?

Big Tucker, man, 10-4.

Yeah, he can wear his belt buckle, right?

The special belt buckle?

That you always talk about?

You always wonder why they have the name on the back of the belt.

Oh, my goodness.

Big Ken's here.

Hey, Big Ken, how you doing?

Hey, what's going on?

Did you?

Am I incorrect, or did you say you wanted to play,

or that you do play fantasy football, or you don't give a shit?

Yeah, I play fantasy football.

I think I talked to you about the other day about getting an invite.

Well, yeah, when you get a chance, send me your e-mail address,

and I'll send you an invite.

We'll get you in there, all right?

No, Ken, you sound uncanny like Ted.

You know Ted Webb?

Ted Webb?

Yeah.

It's him.

It's true.

You're him in disguise.

No, no.

That's not...

He's under other names.

You really want...

That's it.

There, we got Ted.

Ted's calling in now.

You ready?

You're very close.

Ted, what's going on?

UK Ted.

Hey, happy birthday.

Happy birthday, guys.

Thank you.

Not the Ted you're looking for, Jen.

I'm sorry.

I got really excited for a second.

No, it's all right.

You're just as good, man.

though. It's good enough.

So, how do you play fantasy

soccer, then? Fantasy soccer,

whatever. Okay, let's just do prank

calls. I'm letting

you guys join in early. Let's not

try not to talk over each other, because Milkman's not going to

be playing games. You know what happens.

You know that, bitch.

Yeah. Milkman, you

went for most dramatic event of the

season, hands down.

Out of respect for you. Hey, dude, somebody had

to keep things live, baby.

God, you got upset. I'm not playing games.

Oh, I don't know, man.

I got hostile that time, man.

I was like, what the fuck?

Well, I didn't know I was on the air, and that's what really got me steamed.

I apologize.

That was bad, man.

Well, I asked you.

And, you know, anytime we have dirty laundry, I'd rather keep it private than sort it out on the air.

But, unfortunately, I did not catch the cue, and it went out on the air.

Apologize to all our lovely listeners, but screw you anyway.

For those who don't know what we're talking about on the podcast, look for the episode,

we're not playing games here

where Milkman got very upset

because people kept

talking over him.

beyond belief, man.

Longest time I've heard

since that anger

came out of me.

Yeah, you want to hear anger.

Milkman hadn't been laid

in a few weeks

after the French girl

dumped him.

And...

He's a Bulgarian chick.

That's right.

That's exactly right.

That's a time for you.

You're right.

Yeah, that's what it was.

We knew Ken called out

and he's like,

you know,

he hasn't been getting laid.

That's what it is.

Hello, you guys.

Hello.

Sorry.

It's about time.

Sorry.

I couldn't hear you. It's AMD.

AMD! What's up, man?

Wow!

It's awesome. It's a great show tonight, man. Hopefully we get Zola

on here in a little bit. Alright, let's do a prank

here. I got a number that came in.

A madhouse lawyer in the house

defleshed a person. Welcome, brother.

Uh, we got a... I don't know

what this is. We don't have a name. We just got someone

in Manitoba, Canada, and

they say the premise is

anything just creep about, possibly another

woman in Thompson, Manitoba.

Okay, I don't understand. We're calling

Calling Manitoba.

Where's Manitoba?

I have no idea.

I don't even understand.

I don't understand, Cameron.

We keep losing and getting syndicate.

Oh, God.

I never get syndicate right.

Hi, Scott.

Just leave a message.

Thank you.

Hi, Scott.

At the tone, please record your message.

All right, let's leave a funny message for this guy, guys.

Ready?

You may hang up or press pound for more options.

Hey, guy.

Hey.

You guys aren't going to say nothing.

Want to make sweet monkey love to your mouth.

There you go.

All right, that'll freak him out.

Good.

Well, sorry, Amanda.

We tried to call your number.

no one was there um request to pranks that happens to them sometimes big tom tom page

our new internet radio is picking you guys up there's a new internet radio out there guys hey

you hear about that a new internet radio awesome okay we got a request here we got another request

to prank call someone in london tell them you're a lieutenant in the royal artillery and you have

to use their garden to park your anti-aircraft missiles if they protest tell them it's a

a compulsory lease order from the

Ministry of Defense, with a

C, and it is a criminal

act to deny entrance to defense

personnel on Olympic business.

And you know what? That's probably all accurate and true.

Alright, we'll call the UK and do that

right now. That seems a bit long-winded.

It would be better if you told them you had, like, a

cannon or something you would have put in there.

I'm going to crack another

fact for us tonight. Nice,

man. I can't drink because I'm on a diet.

I am cracking a fact in

honor of Matt. Good, lovely

We'll just bring it.

We'll enjoy it then.

Cool.

I'll be drinking Saturday.

I'm going to drink Saturday.

I'm going to be going out Saturday, and I'll be drinking then.

I'm excited about that.

All right.

UK, here we call.

Oh, we already called this number in the UK.

Let's not call that one.

Let's call a different one.

Would you spill your beer?

Here she comes.

Cool.

You sweet-talked that fucker before you opened it, or what?

I love you, beer.

He's a good beer.

All right.

Let's call that one.

Oh, you're into your beer.

Milkman, if you're in California, why don't you smoke pot, man?

That's what I'd be doing right now.

Why not?

Do they limit you on how much pot you can get with that card?

I got a whole box full in here, man.

Hi, you've reached Douglas.

Thank you for calling, but I'm afraid to call.

Hello.

Hello, Douglas.

How are you?

I'm okay.

That's good.

My name is Cross.

I'm a lieutenant in the Royal Artillery, and I'm calling on behalf of the Ministry of Defense.

I know you understand that the Olympics are coming to town here pretty soon, tomorrow, today, as a matter of fact, right?

What the hell are you telling me at this time of the morning for?

Well, we need to put some portable toilets on your property.

What?

We're going to put some portable toilets on your property in about two hours.

We're going to be down there with some portable toilets.

You've got the wrong guy.

Well, no.

Hang on now.

Wait a minute.

Let's not be like that.

This is Doug Chisholm.

Douglas Chisholm on Elm Park Gardens.

Yeah, in a little tiny flat with no garden.

Exactly, yes.

Well, we're going to be...

We have to put portable toilets...

We're going to have to be placing a missile battery right in his neighborhood there and, you know, ask for his permission.

A little tiny?

Flat with no garden. Bastard.

Tell him that he needs to supply the water for the drinks.

Hello?

You're going to need him to go down about every hour, hour and a half to clean it up, too.

I was going to tell him we need to use his toilet.

We have a toilet emergency.

Oh, ice cold.

That was really unlucky.

Hello, Doug. Douglas. Douglas. Douglas, this is the Ministry of Defense.

In the background.

We'll call Brian Ashley instead.

You're going to leave him on?

Yeah, I'll leave him on. Why not?

There we go.

I was really upset.

Through all my sickness last year, I missed the royal wedding.

I really would have liked to have done prank calls for the royal wedding.

You didn't miss anything, man.

Yeah, but it would have been great to do the prank calls the night before.

You missed Pippa's backside.

That was it.

Uh-huh.

I saw it on TV in the hospital, but I woke up early for that shit.

They woke me up at 4 o'clock in the morning every day to take blood.

Frickin' vampires.

That's the man.

Oh, my God.

That's what I said.

He still has that famous pharmacy call that Jin did back in the day.

2006 on CD.

You did a pharmacy call. Oh, yeah.

I remember that.

No answer there. We'll call Henry instead.

Henry in England.

Just a moment. In London.

Is London a big town? Is everyone affected

by the Olympics that lives in London?

I mean, only people really close to Stratford

are going to be affected.

People outside. I mean, it depends because

there's different locations. So, obviously,

there's things happening in Wembley.

There's things happening all over, but it's really only central.

I'm excited about the equestrian stuff.

I'm excited about the horses.

Hello, Henry.

Henry.

Hello.

Henry.

Hello.

Henry, yes.

Hello.

Henry Buffong.

Yes, this is Cross.

I'm calling from the Ministry of Defense.

I'm calling regarding a compulsory lease regarding your toilets.

The London Olympics are starting within 24 hours.

We have a shortage of toilet facilities,

and we're going to be putting temporary facilities on your property.

and will also need to open up your kitchen for athletes to use.

Hello.

Yes, Henry, how many toilets do you have there in your home?

How many toilets do you have in your home, sir?

Yeah, I don't got toilets.

You don't have any toilets?

No.

How do you use the bathroom? Where do you use the bathroom at?

What do you do?

What?

Where do you make a shit at? Where?

I don't do any shitting.

You don't?

I don't do any pissing.

You don't do any shitting or pissing?

No, no.

Do you have any type of water receptacle?

This is for the Olympics, you understand, and your compulsory thing where you have to do the thing, right?

I'm losing it.

Listen, come on.

How many toys do you have?

Just tell me.

One or two?

I don't have time to tell you.

No?

No.

Did you put your teeth in?

I'm having trouble understanding you.

Can someone translate?

Let me put a British translator on the line.

Go ahead.

Hello?

Hi.

Yes, hello.

Go ahead, please.

Yes, I'm the British translator.

I speak British.

Yes, I'm calling from...

Me too.

I speak British, though.

No, you don't.

You speak...

I don't speak British.

I don't speak English.

Oh, oh.

What language are you speaking?

Except retarded.

Except what?

Sorry?

No, I don't speak English.

Yeah, I know.

You've said it twice now, already.

I've made a note.

I've written it down.

Oh, well.

Can you tell me anything about yourself, about your toilet, something nice?

My toilet?

I just told you that for six times already.

I don't have a toilet.

Yeah, okay, so how do you do that?

How do you defecate?

I don't do nothing.

You don't do that sort of thing?

No, I don't do that sort of thing.

I don't do that sort of thing either.

It's disgusting, isn't it?

How can people do that?

How can they do that?

It's absolutely vile.

It's putrid.

You know, Henry, if you keep that in, you could explode.

Huh?

It's dangerous to keep that in.

You have to let that out.

You've got to let the demons out.

No, I don't know.

It doesn't affect me.

Have you ever tried?

I don't have anything.

It feels good.

I don't eat.

Huh?

sometimes i'll be honest with you sometimes i on purpose i go three days without uh using the

toilet without doing a shit and that's all on purpose i do it on purpose sometimes and it feels

he's only two days yeah but but if you wait three days and then when you finally go to the toilet

it feels amazing it's like you're having an anal orgasm because i don't know yeah i don't go i

I don't go at all.

You don't go at all?

No.

That's amazing.

He's got some control.

Yeah, he must be Buddhist.

You must be full of shit.

Well Henry take care. Goodbye. Goodbye. We'll talk to you later. Okay, Henry

Yeah, we are Legion to your Legion. Yeah. Yeah, we are Legion. We'll talk to you a little bit later

And we're going to talk to you.

Yeah, okay.

All right.

You can expect us.

Bye-bye.

Yeah, okay.

Bye-bye.

Yeah, bye.

Bye.

All right, let's go.

Hey, Carlito.

Yes.

I'm speaking to somebody in London, and I'll prank him.

All right.

Do we have Zolar?

Zolar, are you here yet?

Hermano.

Yes.

Milkman.

Hermanito.

Milkman.

Hey, hey, okay.

Okay, this is going to be in honor of you and all of our great friends.

Yes.

But I need advisement here where I should go.

Okay, we've got here to pick from OG, Sour Diesel, Headband, I've got K7, SC Big Bud, Green Gap, Crack, Blue Dream, Hindu Stunk, Grapefruit, Purple Eclipse, California Cheese, Hardcore, GDP.

ADP.

Let's see here.

What else did we pick from?

All kinds of medical versions.

We've got several versions of hash here.

Let's see.

Lambsbread.

That's a barley strain.

That sounds good.

Lambsbread sounds good.

Yeah, it's really nice.

It's a real nice sativa.

Sonoma Coma.

What else?

We've got so many to pick from here, man.

Are you at the dispensary now, or where are you?

No, dude.

This is my collection.

I told you I have a big box full here, man.

Man, I told you, you're welcome to join.

You just got to get over here closer.

Yeah, all right.

That's cool.

Hello.

I was put into this call, and I don't know why,

but I hear something about some medical stuff there.

Is there anything that's able to make my wiener get hard?

It's kind of soft in my old age.

Milkman would know all about that.

What's up, Zolar?

How you doing, man?

What's up, Zolar?

I'm going to fire in your honor, my friend.

There you go.

Nice.

What's happening, my man?

Not much, man.

man. Milkman's got the card in California. He's looking at some legal weed. He's going to start

smoking right now. Isn't it amazing? Don't you wish you were in California, man? Come on.

Yeah, actually, I do. I always dream of living in California, not only just for the sunshine,

because that was nice. And I was thinking it's way better weather and it's more colorful.

It's a better quality of living. But now, of course, not just now, but for all the time that

marijuana has been legalized or decriminalized where you can have it, that was the biggest

thing i ever saw in my life i wish all the time that i lived there yeah what about jersey uh it's

isn't it about to be legal there or whatever but you have to be a national resident of jersey and

if you want to do that geez really i didn't know because i heard they were doing something towards

it but i don't think that there's any dispensaries or whatever they call them and all that i know i

don't think it's you know i don't think they've gone that far yet i know they're finalizing the

plans but the governor christie is trying to slow it down but it's it's legal it's been voted on

it's going to happen and i think dc has their first dispensary that's just open a few weeks ago

well let me let me just say something i might have to move to the west coast though at one point

me too i think so once i get divorced you need to look me up zola we got a little uh little uh

toka keith we're gonna start in with this here yeah so zola you're on you're on madhouse live

right now are we on the zolar vision or are you off the air right now yeah actually i was gonna

gonna say uh let me introduce you to my audience i'm doing uh zolar vision pranks over here all

night on battlecam.com but uh tell them carlito this is your anniversary tell them a little bit

about yourself this is my man carlito when i started out carlito was basically one of the

people that was already there or just came soon after how does that how does that work were you

there first did i come after you started four days before me so technically it's it's seven

years that you've been in the prank call

internet radio game yourself, man. It's your

anniversary, too, if you didn't know.

You started, yeah, you started,

you actually started five, you started

the Friday before was the first

Zolar Vision, and then the Thursday

after that, so six days.

Six days later, my first show started,

and we were together back on prank call

underground radio way back in the day

on Shoutcast PCU,

and we've been together off and on. We did

Cineget together, and we did PCR

together and all that stuff, but we always remained friends.

and you know

we always hang out

we actually met up one time

that's right in Orlando you came by

we had a powwow

but that's it's good to be on

everyone you're at zolorvision.com

right and it goes straight to your battle

cam page it links right up to it right there

holy shit

I couldn't hear you because my man

over here is dying and you didn't even stop to say

are you okay are you okay brother

I blew a lung out in your honor my friend

man. I'm so glad to hear you. I cannot believe seven years ago, the both of you, the crazy

mentalities unleashed upon the world. What a wonderful seven years it's been. Thank you so

much for returning. I can't believe it. Seven years, man. See, and if it wasn't for you, Carlito,

I wouldn't really have an accurate date or anything like that. I wouldn't.

Yep. I'm the timekeeper of prank calls, man, but it's awesome. So everyone who's listening

to Madhouse Radio right now, be sure to

check out Zolar whenever you get a chance.

Zolar, you're on almost just about every night, right?

I only do this once a week, but you're

on pretty regular. Yeah, well, I'm bored a lot

lately, so instead of going

out and spending money, I figure I could sit

around and goof off, and it won't cost

me too much to live. There you go.

Awesome, man.

I'm trying to hold out as long as I

can in life without having to go back to

work. I thought I was going to be able to retire

early, and the money that I was able to put in

in the bank would keep me through until like social security and my pension kicked in but i

seem i seemingly uh spent it up too quick and i'm still young and virile but now broke as fuck yeah

i hear you well you know what dude you gotta do that milkman's in the same boat hey i want i

wanted to mention by the way i saw a crazy video with you and major chaos or for most of us know

him as prank master still where you found where did you find a five foot long piece of foam that

that you rode into the East River.

What was that about?

Yeah, what happened was I was in my old neighborhood.

It's in Brooklyn, obviously, on the East River there.

And I took Chaos down to the East River just because he wanted to see what it was like there.

And you could see the city nice and everything.

And lo and behold, this gigantic piece of styrofoam, like you said,

was just washed up along the jetties or the rocks or whatever you would call it

down in that scuzzy area by the factories.

It was a whole abandoned area.

and uh yeah it was just laying there it was it was almost like fate i saw it there and it was

like if i didn't do this it wouldn't be me right right gotcha so and you wrote it into the east

river and i was afraid you're gonna end up in jersey or something man you gotta watch out

yeah yeah yeah you could yes you could because there's riptides in there so do you hang out a

lot with uh chaos is he's on your show on the regular he he helps you out and stuff and all

that yeah yeah he does when he's around like he's not here right now because he's at work or

or whatever it is he's got going on but he still has the same problems in life his father's still

up his ass and a major fuck up to his life and you know he's he cuts the internet off on him so

he makes him you know go to sleep or whatever you know he's like it's it's still the same

still the same chaos he's 20 something years old and he's still dealing with that all right well

he was on a cruise ship he had freedom and all that and he came right back to that oh man

telling you well that's crazy well i remember that time when he went on the cruise ship we

we made him fucking show pictures and make sure it was real and everything because he uh he was

telling a lot of tall tales yeah i remember he said he he had the uh the lap band surgery he

told you and kdk that he he had lost a bunch of weight and got the surgery and you guys made him

show his belly to show the scar he didn't have one you caught him in that lie yeah we caught him

in a lot of lies man it was unreal he was a great source of entertainment throughout the years you

peed on his feet once also remember there was video of you peeing on his feet and all that

great yeah where is that yeah we gotta find that i don't know it's probably on my original computer

which is at my mother's house and some file somewhere you know but uh it wasn't very good

quality all you could see is like a stream of pee landing on some white socks and you couldn't

really make it out and then as i pan the camera past you might see his face for two seconds

good times but yeah that was pretty funny stuff back in the day you know because really if you

you remember back to that show his penalty was not to get peed on he was supposed to sit there

and let a uh roman soldiers yeah say it again because people didn't hear you on my side the

roman soldier helmet yeah yeah yeah let my man milkman let my man milk no and explain what

exactly was going down oh my god today's all are being the brash and brazen so are as always you

you know, and sexual or funny was not to be.

He says, well, okay, the penalty, prank master or hamster,

you're going to have to wear the dreaded, famed Roman soldier's helmet.

For those of you who don't know what a Roman soldier's helmet is,

basically it's a move similar to the teabag,

but basically you place the genitalia over top of the head and nose,

and the thing kind of looks like, well, a Roman soldier's helmet.

So you got it, you got it, you know, get in your mind,

or you look up and you see the Roman soldier's helmet

and you have the prank master's penalty.

And Zola wasn't going to do it.

It was going to be a male prostitute or whatever, like a male escort.

But it fell through.

You guys couldn't find one.

Right.

I know the guy agreed to it and he made us wait and he never showed up

or he couldn't find the house.

And then we started thinking, oh, my God,

let's not go through this again to find another one.

What else can we do to him?

And the audience, after mulling it over, came up with piss pisses.

There was an episode where he went down on that skank.

Was that right after that or before that, Zola?

I'm sorry to interrupt.

I cannot remember, but it was like him doing oral on some hired truck.

Yeah, Zola got an escort prostitute to come over,

and Prankmaster got all into it and went down on her, like, on the air.

Oh, my God, that's so disgusting.

Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of pictures of that, too.

And, again, that's on that old computer.

Yeah, that's awesome.

We've been through a lot, Zola, man, but it's good being a friend.

See, this is what the prank call community needs, you know, prank callers that are still, you know, we're friends and we collaborate when we get a chance, but, you know, we respect each other and we promote each other.

We got to make this prank call thing, you know, grow and survive.

We got to make a positive community.

I keep saying that, Zolar.

Yeah, yeah.

I never had a problem with that.

That's why I was always into, like, you do a show this night, I'll pick that night, this guy do that one and all that.

I was always into that, man.

It should be still.

We should get that together somehow.

how uh i hear you're doing this for syndicate radio is it not yes syndicate dino reached out

to me and it's back but i'm you know i didn't get a chance to test out the stick em connection i

just kind of jumped in there i don't think it's working right but by next week i'll i'll have a

working right but yeah syndicate and uh dino are back and it's real exciting yeah well i think he

should be bringing it over here to battle cam i mean it's not it's not as uh you know uh it's

not stick cam obviously because you know but i you know it's a cool community they're very

very appreciative they're active and uh you know it's just you know that's a new up and coming uh

thing but i try to tell dino to come over here and do it but i don't know i guess he likes to

come better it's all good well maybe you know just give him a suggestion i've tried to do the

battle cam thing when it first started and it's a little cutthroat for me and i have you have to

for for battle cam you have to pay attention to the chat and be in there and watch what's going

on you know yeah it's hard for me to do that i juggle different networks and different chat

cat rooms and stuff and it gets to be too much so but yeah but i but i i pay attention when i

can't know the dead likes i don't know is the dead even on battle cam anymore after all that

shit he had to go through i don't even know that happened that happened on battle cam he has made

an appearance or two but supposedly he's going to be in the money after he settles out for all

that happened to him yeah and he should good good on him and i read that read you know heard what

happened and good for him he deserves it yeah i mean you know fucking the way he was dragged out

of his house and kept away from his actual

medication. You know, you just dragged that

out of your house and brought it to the fucking psychiatric

ward. It's out of control. Yeah, for

72 hours they hurt his hand, they wouldn't pay

attention to him, and he was like, hey, I'm on meds

and they gave him other meds, forced him to take

it, and it screwed up his shit.

Yeah, anyway. Oh, also, by the way,

yeah, by the way, if in fact

you want to pitch this to Dino

and let him know, unless he's listening,

September 1st,

Alki David, the owner of this site,

had somehow or another

the you know say he bought time on a television network or whatever it is and it's gonna this

this actual you know battle cam the content that's being provided like this show or anything that

has a scheduled uh show will be also available to these television like say it was dish network i

don't know i'm not really full of all the details right now yeah but oh people are saying let's do

a prank call together you got to hear fucking milkman do a prank call he's outrageous man

carlito's great and all that too of course we know that yeah but uh milkman's always fucking

and out of control yeah so it would be good i would always dim the brains of this moment and

in the blazing stars that you two have been you know across the prank comedy heaven for seven

years my goodness man i gotta i gotta hold one eye man having a drink for you guys too and a

pop thanks let's see if we can get somebody yeah let's see if we can get somebody on the line but

i do want to say before we start uh you know fucking milkman has provided me many many laughs

as well as carlito so they're both great guys and if you do get a chance to check them out and

i'm not on or whatever it is that's the show to go to yeah madhouse live.com over here and everyone

listen to me on the madhouse side zolar vision that zola version is it.com or you're you.tv i

forget i'm sorry i'm really you know what i don't even know it's no problem people could find me

he's on youtube guys uh he's on youtube and he's uh zolar zolar vision on google there you go you'll

find them funny ass videos on youtube though i saw this one uh two rednecks and some woman

and some idiot

fag dude or something was on there

giving you a rash and I mean

you twisted them around dude

that was boring I gotta say man

that was one of the better Zohar calls I've heard in a long time

and you really bloomed

one of my favorites when Zohar did a prank and a cop

called back and Zohar handled it

expertly like

he called him a piggy you're talking like

you did your voice like

hello kind of voice

and you're like yeah they called

and they call me a nigga and all this stuff

and the cop's like, well, okay.

You told something where you called him

a pig or something. I don't know.

Whatever it was, you did really good with this cop once.

Excellent prank call.

He said, what?

And then I made it sound like I said something else

and then he went on with it and then I said something else

and he goes, what?

Let's do a call now.

Let's do a call, yeah.

I've got Lonesome Loser, your old friend.

I don't think he gives you numbers anymore

but he sent me a number for a towing place

is he online can we hear his voice is what you're saying no no he's sending me he never talks but

he's sending me a number you know he's always in the in the back into the shadows like the batman

call him up call him i'll do a call he won't yeah lonesome doesn't want to talk to his own

he's bashful but listen let's do a prank call here real quick and i don't want to take up your

time no i do i want to all right uh still horse towing is what i'm going to call here all right

hang on let me uh all right so who's starting off uh can you start off you know this is between me

and zola zola you started off there it's a totally it's a toying place in palm bay florida okay

all right all right let's do it here this is awesome why don't you not pick up

yes hello my my grandson gave me this number to call you are you able to provide towing at this

hour of the evening oh i i'm not really familiar with this but my garage needs to be relieved of

the vehicle that's in it some hobo some hobo has taken up residence inside of it and i'm going to

be in trouble if i don't get him out of there again excuse me i i have i have an old an old

vehicle. It's a 1965 Chevy Corvair. A Vair. Corvair. Not Corvette. A Corvair. I need it to be

removed. You want it set out of your property? Right. I need it removed from my property. And

it seems that a hobo has taken up residence. You know, the seat, it comes down flat and he's made

a bed of it. And I haven't really seen the car personally in quite some time. I'm bedridden

didn't and i can't get outside i am connected to my colostomy bag and an air tank for breathing

me bag and hello okay so i can do for you right now at this time of night um i thought you were

24 hour towing yeah sir it's four o'clock at night you got somebody living in your car i i can't

take a car that's got somebody living in it the thing is my good man he has uh he has gone out

Are you playing games with me?

To collect his bottles.

He collects the bottles in the street.

See, he's not there right now, and it's the opportune moment for me.

Just go and take a crock of coffee, sir.

Hold on for my grandson.

Hold on one moment.

Here, can you please speak to the man?

All right.

Hello?

Yeah, hello.

Hi, this is Cross.

You're talking to my grandfather.

Look, I had to come over here.

Now that he's away from listening distance, all right,

I'm going to be honest with you.

My mother died recently.

That's his wife, okay?

And this hobo, man, he came from the train.

We're in Orlando, all right?

East Orlando, close to UCF.

And this hobo came and has been taking his money.

He's been having relations with my father.

My father has Alzheimer's.

He's infirm.

He's crazy.

crazy he's bounced about 15 checks already writing uh to give this hobo alcohol and all these things

and the hobo lives inside the the garage inside this car inside my father's car all right now the

hobo what we did is i went in there and i closed the garage door and i turned on the car for a

while and he's he's i guess he's sleeping i don't know he's not responding anymore so now he's

knocked out we finally have an opportunity to get him out of here so we're calling calling you to

come over here and hopefully take him out just drag him off and maybe leave him on the side of

the road somewhere far away you know and he won't remember how to get back hopefully

no my friend my friend milkman said that you can if there's something that you can you can

if you turn on the car if you look look you got a body in your car somebody a tenant in

and you're up in Orlando, you need to call the police, all right?

No, no, he's gone out.

I'm not wasting my time, okay?

He's gone out, sir.

He's just sleeping.

He's just sleeping right now.

We just left the car in for about four hours while he was sleeping,

and he's passed out.

It's like, you know, chloroform.

It doesn't matter, all right?

Well, please, come on.

He's taking all my father's money, okay?

That's not my problem.

We don't have a mask.

There's nothing I can do for you, sir.

There's nothing I can do for you.

He can keep the car.

I can get rid of the car with a body passed out in there.

He's sleeping.

We don't have to involve anybody.

He's just sleeping.

Just take him and drop him off in Melbourne or something.

Come on, dude.

Don't you fucking crack.

You can get a couple of grand.

You can get a couple of grand for the vehicle.

Come on, man.

Come on.

It's just already stuck to my leg, man.

I'm sorry, sir.

Sir, if you do it right away, I'd be able to substantially tip you

by letting you keep the vehicle with the registration.

I'll give you a tip. That would be nice. Thanks for the laugh.

You're an asshole.

Asshole.

This guy was rude.

Carlito, once again.

Nothing suspicious about that at all, guys.

What a masterful call, man. This is an honor, guys, really.

I'm having a great time.

Good times, Ola. Thanks, man. That was a fun laugh.

You're even better right there.

Is this Artie?

Yeah, is this Artie?

I know, right?

Like evil Artie.

Yeah, that's funny.

Yeah, they do call for a lot of sleep.

Yeah.

Well, Zoe, I won't take up any more of your show time.

Thanks very much for being on.

It's been an honor, a pleasure.

It's great being associated with you on a personal level, friends-wise.

And it's always great doing prank calls with you.

Happy anniversary, my friend.

You too, man.

Think about it.

It's your anniversary too.

And a big what's up to everyone over there on the ZolarVision side.

Yes, where tonight we just broke the cusp of 100 subscribers to my actual page on Battlecam tonight

because I had to ditch my other account.

I was having technical difficulties.

But now I have just breached the cusp of 100, and now I have 101 subscribers.

Nice.

Congratulations, man.

Here's to another 100.

Thank you very much.

Have a good evening.

Take care.

God bless you all.

You too, man.

All right, see you.

there you go zola right man it was gonna be monumental thank you so much yeah there you go

that was cool man you see told you guys had a lot of plans for the night new new uh jim you're

gonna you're gonna request to put more prank calls on youtube jim go ahead jim yeah i will do but

there is uh another special guest that's just signed into uh skype oh yeah mr mr ted webb would

would like to uh oh yes of course not even that doesn't even he doesn't is he ready to have um

let me see i have no idea i just i mean i talked to him a second ago okay we i'm forcing it there

you go you see look at this is great we got the whole band together tonight ted when you're ready

call in or give me the high sign and i'll i'll conference you in and we'll get to excuse me we'll

get tenon i do need to take a second for myself i have to get something to drink uh because i got

a crazy acid reflux coming up

because I decided to put a ton of garlic powder

on my salad today.

And also I have to open a window because

if my wife wakes up and

sees that I've been smoking a cigar without the window

open, I'm going to be in big trouble.

But hey, we'll play a little bit of this

prank call. This is the number four prank

of the

sixth season of Madhouse Radio.

I'm not going to play the

whole thing again because we don't want to

stifle you guys with old prank calls. I want to

make sure we play new prank calls.

But hey, I hope you guys enjoy this one.

This one is from a little while ago.

We haven't heard it in a while.

How long until I use the bathroom?

Milkman, if you remember, we called a place, a Korean place that serves Korean kimchi fried rice.

And I kept asking them how long it would take me to take a shit in the toilet after I ate this kimchi fried rice.

And yeah, we had a good time with that.

So here we go.

Just a moment.

We'll be right back with some more show.

Don't go anywhere, folks.

but listen tell me how long after i eat the food the rice how long until it becomes feces and i

have to use the bathroom to push it out i don't know how long do you eat the rice how long we can

make it and then just 15 minutes you can pick it up yeah but after i eat the rice when do i have

to go to the bathroom everybody different right that is how i know i don't know i'm sorry how

long for you excuse me do you use the bathroom in every morning excuse me you want to just order

But this is a business phone, okay?

I know.

I want to make an order, but I need to know when I have to use the bathroom.

Yeah, but if you don't want a kimchi fried rice, you want to order different, okay?

But I want to get the rice that doesn't...

I have to use the bathroom very fast because I have to use the airplane.

I don't know.

Everybody depends, right?

I know, but is there...

Yeah, everybody depends.

That's why I cannot talk to you, make sure kind.

Okay.

Everybody different.

All right, but what about you?

Like, which one would you eat?

So, I'm the Korean.

That's why I'm in the...

Every time is in kimchi.

So, used.

Maybe 12 hours after you eat rice.

Do you go to the bathroom later?

I don't know either.

I don't know.

Listen.

Help.

Help me.

I ate pizza last week, and I still haven't gone to the bathroom.

I'm sorry.

right now excuse me i'm sorry just a moment you want to talking to somebody too can i kiss you

okay okay hold it bye

yes i'm asking how soon after i eat the chinese fried rice until i have to go to the bathroom

excuse me this is your time kimchi fried rice korean style yeah korean kimchi fried rice

We cannot tell you after you eat how long you're going to go to the bathroom.

What kind of question is that?

Everybody different, yeah?

But kimchi is different, though.

And you're Korean.

I thought maybe you know.

Yeah, kimchi is different.

But, you know, like everybody different, right?

It doesn't matter what you eat.

You can go right away.

Some people, you know, you don't even go.

So, you know, you're not supposed to ask him that kind of question.

That's ridiculous.

I don't think that's the right question that you're asking for.

I'm just, I'm worried that it's going to take me a long time.

Really?

I'm worried that it's going to take me a long time to go to the bathroom after I ate the rice.

I don't want that to happen, okay?

Yeah, but this is the first time, you know, like a ridiculous question like this.

And you want to order for the food.

This is how long after I ate, you go to the bathroom.

So if you worry that, you know, you worry that much, just don't order then.

Listen, do you eat the rice there or no?

I eat the rice.

And how long does it take you?

Excuse me, I guess you're asking wrong question, you know?

You better not order food, okay?

Thank you very much

Please, I'm sorry

No

I was cracking up that whole time

Very bad question, Milkman

This is a very ridiculous question I'm asking

I forgot I was so glad

How long does it take?

How long does it take, Milkman?

You know, that's a

Oh, boy

Should we try to call them back?

Why not, huh?

I think it's still around

Yeah, right, cool

I mean, it's pretty friendly terms

We left on good terms

Yeah, pretty friendly terms

hi hi um i'd like to make an order please yes go ahead for the kimchi rice that i don't have

to go to the bathroom until the next day excuse me excuse me you gotta call to any other place

okay not over here listen if i go to shit in the toilet it better not be from the rice

that is i cannot talking to you okay talking to me i don't know excuse me i don't know i want to

No, I don't know. Excuse me. Bye. I think you know

No, but kimchi rice, I never heard of a kimchi fried rice.

Oh, my God, dude, it is so good.

I love kimchi.

Kimchi tastes good.

It's Korean.

Oh, my God, kimchi rice is so good.

It sounds good.

Oh, it's fucking awesome, dude.

Yeah, the kimchi fried rice.

Hello?

Kimchi fried rice, please.

You want to take our kimchi fried rice?

Yeah, I'm ordering kimchi fried rice.

Okay, what's your name?

This is Cross.

Cross?

Prawn.

Now listen, do you have kimchi stew also?

We have kimchi stew.

Kimchi stew is good too.

Okay.

Okay, now if I eat the rice and the stew,

the stew will make me go to the bathroom faster because it's liquid and it's warm, right?

It'll make it soft.

What do you want?

Kimchi fried rice or kimchi stew?

Well, both of them because I think if I have the stew and the rice,

then it'll be softer and it'll make me go to the bathroom sooner

than having to wait a long time, right?

Okay.

What?

Okay, sir.

If you want to order to in there, you come here in there.

You got to be order, please.

Well, can I use the bathroom there?

Over here?

Yes.

Yeah.

Can I eat in the bathroom?

Hey, if you want to order over here, you come here, you order, please.

Will you bring the food in the bathroom to me?

Oh, cannot.

I'm sorry.

Listen, what if I eat the food and I have to go to the bathroom?

Excuse me.

You got to go to the other restaurant, okay?

Not over here.

Please.

Let me talk to the other person.

Just a minute.

Okay.

Thank you.

hello yeah i was wanting to get the thank you for the business but you know what the stew i just

don't call over you worry that much this is ridiculous you order any food to order after

how long after you're gonna go bathroom so would you please don't call back please thank you what

about the kimchi stew the fact that she keeps saying it's ridiculous this makes me laugh each

time. She makes me

like the rest, but she's so serious about it.

It's ridiculous.

It's ridiculous that you would ask this.

I should have asked her for a wine

cork. Yeah, should have, right?

Alright, everybody, that's

the number four call

and the best of season six

countdown. How long until I use the bathroom?

All the pranks replayed tonight

are, of course, on the Madhouse Radio

prank cast.

My God, I'm a fucking idiot.

You can get that over on

You thought it was live

MattHouseLife.com

You fucking jackass

Everyone's being nice to me

Like oh yeah I should have

You mulatto motherfucker

Ted Webb is here

Confused but he's here

What's up Ted

Yeah and I'm really glad to hear your voice again man

How long has it been

It's been a long time

Ken

Apparently I sound like Ken

Yeah, yeah, the fucking lens.

He's exactly like me.

You know what, it does sound like I'm echoing back when he talks.

I guess so.

Maybe it is you from the future, watch out.

Ken might have some words for it.

You know, I used to believe that Ted was Bill Gates,

because he sounds very similar to Bill Gates.

Oh, yeah, by the way, Ted, a few weeks ago, for some reason,

I found a thesis that I think is the one you wrote.

I don't know how I found it.

i was searching some yeah i was i was i was searching in google and like gmail for your

email address and it copied you over to google like regular google search and like one of the

first results was the thesis that you wrote uh from when you got your graduate degree i'm guessing

it is about about software or something like that yeah reverse engineering yes that was great well

don't say it i want people to start looking you up you know but i told you that's fucking that's

It's Bill Gates right there.

I'm telling you, man.

He's a smart...

This guy...

I didn't know you had a graduate...

Where are you, motherfucker?

This guy has a master's degree in computer science.

I was like, holy shit.

This guy is something else.

Yeah, I'm a really...

I'm an ignorant person, though, at heart.

Yeah.

Don't worry about it.

So, all right.

So, you're cool.

So, that's awesome.

Cool.

Well, you've been up to Ted, man.

Any projects?

You always got some projects going around the house, man.

Anything new you've been doing?

No, I'm...

No.

I haven't done any, like, home improvement.

Really?

You're not working on a new version of Windows or anything?

Windows 9.

Yeah, it's called Windows 8.

Welcome.

Oh, yeah, I saw that.

Somebody was advertising that on a tablet, and it crashed.

It was great.

I don't understand why they have this Metro interface.

The first thing I'm going to do is find the fucking start button.

Exactly.

Yeah, where's the start button?

Install the mod to get rid of it.

I haven't messed with Windows 8 yet.

I have to set up a dual boot on my new computer here

so I can check out that test, the candidate,

or whatever it is, the developer's bill or whatever.

It's not so you can use Ubuntu?

Nah, I don't want to mess with Ubuntu.

I got Ubuntu on my old laptop here.

I got Ubuntu on it.

I don't know.

Just to say I could use Ubuntu, I guess.

I don't know.

You should replace it with Linux Mint.

It's much more aesthetic.

There's so many flavors in Linux,

I wouldn't even know where to begin.

Red Hat.

Yeah, but they all do different things.

Corporate drones.

Well, here we are, everybody.

Madhouse Radio's seven-year anniversary show on the line with us right now.

Someone dropped off.

We got...

Happy anniversary.

You know, I should have tried to get Johnny Brennan on here.

You know, we actually made contact with him in the last season.

He has been invited.

He's been invited.

You know what?

I don't know if I told you today, but I actually got to talk a little,

communicate a little bit with Johnny Brennan from the Jerky Boys,

and he actually told me he said he he doesn't want to i told him hey man if you ever want you

know hang out with us on cacti or on madhouse and he said no i don't like he says he doesn't

really like prank calls other than the stuff he's done he said he's never been he's never been into

the scene like us he said that he did it he said he's always been into like three stooges and stuff

like that and that kind of that's his kind of comedy yeah he said that's how he grew up and

And he just, the Jerky Boys was an extension of that, and he loved doing it.

But he says he doesn't, he's not into it like that.

And that's understandable.

I started a war with Johnny Brennan for some reason.

I thought it would be funny to do that.

And it kind of got his attention for a while.

Yeah, but Johnny Brennan is definitely welcome here anytime.

He's a legend.

I wouldn't be doing prank calls, probably.

None of us probably would be.

Yeah, probably none of us.

yeah i was listening to jerky boys in high school yeah me too yeah i know i was making copies and

shit but and let's not forget the blockbuster jerky boys movie you know wasn't it you know

what i was a bigger fan of wasn't the movie but was the mtv uh vhs tape that came out where they

were pranking like they were sitting up hitting cameras in grocery stores and i'm talking about

don't hang up tough guy i think that's that's awesome um you know i think i've only seen the

jerky voice movie i only saw it once i never saw it again after that i just i don't i don't even

remember much of it i remember there's a part where he was in the bathroom and he kept saying

armando like armando like that i remember that the part i remember is when he was using a funny

voice talking to a mob boss or something yeah yeah i think that's the whole premise of the movie

something like that anyway so here we are madhouse radio anniversary show right now on the line ted

webb jen stewart big ken milkman and i carlito let's do some more prank calls uh why not call

indians i got the cafe india here always promising as usual i think it's time yeah i'm i'm in i'm in

time not order some banjo they never respond to me the way that they respond to jen like i don't

know what it is about yeah because you're not doing it right well you have to actually i know

i'm not doing it right you have to wait wait we need another sam we need another sam number one

please yeah hi there how you doing there this is mr stewart speaking what who am i speaking with

there sorry what's this sir i said this is mr stewart what's your name there oh it's uh aging

aging okay aging my name is mr stewart and i'm calling from the linux development team here at

at LinuxHorse, and we

are developing a piece of software

that would make Indians' lives

easier. So we would

like to get your information,

your feedback, and we

would like to introduce you gradually

to this program.

Sorry, sir, just give me a second.

Hi, how are you doing?

I'm going to go get the IT expert of the restaurant.

Exactly.

I'm going to get you in here, Ted. I'm going to

let you in.

I presume they're all IT experts.

Really?

Yeah.

Hi, Alistair.

Yeah, hi there.

Yeah, so you were saying?

So I was saying that I'm on the development team for Linux Horse,

which is a piece of software that we've created out of the blue

because we believe that Indian people are having trouble communicating with English-speaking people.

They don't understand.

So we created, hold on a second,

We created this software, and we would like to give this software to you for free, you know, no charge, and we would like you to use it so that you could make your lives easier and everybody else's lives easier as well.

Actually, I'm not sure because my manager is not working today, and I'm the only one working today.

You're the only one working? I don't understand. Are you an Indian guy there? Are you Indian?

No, I'm not Indian.

india all right okay well so you know the person i spoke to a second ago muhammad or whatever his

name is he was an indian guy and he's the perfect example uh people don't speak english you mean

you call just now or yeah i mean i called just now and i talked to muhammad oh there's no one

muhammad right here yeah i don't know what his name was i can't understand and that's part of

the problem why i created this piece of software yeah so only i'm working today so needed a manager

not the owner hi hi this is let me let me talk to my colleague jack he is the head designer and

the software he decides so he's going to introduce you a little bit more to the software there

actually i'm good i i don't care they completely redesigned the interface so that it could be used

Alright, I'm just gonna get a moment, sorry, bye.

I'm intelligent.

He's gone.

Fuck, man, you came in at the wrong time!

I know.

I'll call him back.

Another classic tag team.

He doesn't want anything to do with us, though.

Yeah, we willed it.

He's not blind.

Make him.

Hello.

As I was saying, a complete fucking dolt could use this software.

We backwards engineered it.

We designed it from the back to the front.

Yeah, we started with the finished product.

He's not talking.

Kind of like the Chinese style of software development, I think, is what we're talking about here.

I was ready to offend him and say, look, you're an idiot.

You need this.

That's where I was trying to go.

Flavor of India in Santa Barbara in California is next year.

Let's give them a call.

Let me start this one out.

Let's have no sense of humor.

They're all high.

Look at Milkman over there.

Milkman, you smoke more weed.

Milkman, come on.

oh yeah

get really high

ow

I can't believe

Milkman smokes weed

I quit and he starts

what the hell

I don't think I need anymore

he's

flavor of India

yeah it's flavor of India

eh

hello

flavor of India

that's the flavor baby

you got the flavor

that's it

you can't do it like that man

you can't do it like that

I just

hey yo

what is the fuck

Indian restaurant over there

let me start

hello

that's not gonna work either

not gonna work

nope

Yep, I'll disconnect that.

Got another Indian restaurant, but before we do that,

we got a request to call the Turkish horse.

I don't think he's there this late.

Maybe we'll get his wife, though.

Let's see what Turkish horse is up to.

Someone else wants us to call Charlie as well.

And we got a request also to call the Asiatics.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

They hate you.

You can also talk to the guy from Guam at Hooters, the horse toucher.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, well, no, he's Thanksgiving only.

Is this the Turkish guy?

Yeah, this is the Turkish place, yeah.

Do you want me to do it?

Yeah, yeah, see if he remembers you.

He also says Indians use basics, too.

Hello, can I speak with the manager man, please?

He's not here.

Oh, he's not here, but you're there.

That's just as good.

What's your name?

Fariza.

Oh, okay.

Is that an English name or is that a Turkish name?

Turkish.

That's the Turkish name.

I knew a Turkish word, and it's not a very nice word.

but it's called high one.

Do you know that one?

Are you going to order something?

Of course, of course.

I'm just trying to make a friendly conversation.

Why are you being so stressful?

Yeah, but you're being stressful.

Yeah, I will.

After you stop...

Yeah, don't push me, okay?

Otherwise, I'm going to come in there and push you back.

Okay, come here, then.

I'm coming and I'll push you.

Do you understand?

Yeah, okay.

You bloody hell, you.

You high one.

I'm coming right now.

You're the motherfucker, then.

You bitch.

You see what I mean?

On Google Translate, you can go from English to Turkish.

Nice.

I gotta listen to

I want your body in Turkish.

I don't know what that is, but the word

hayvan means animal.

Let me carry on.

Hayvan.

Hello?

Yeah, what do you mean? Don't fucking swear.

Why do you swear?

Come here, I'll fuck you.

You'll fuck me, is it? Are you very nice?

I will fuck you. Come here.

Are you a nice girl?

What is your size?

Oh my god, that's just...

I don't get that very much on the phone.

She's wrong, Jim.

That's the kind of girl I'm talking about.

Do you like how she answered the phone right there?

Come here, I'll fuck you.

Every woman should say that to me on the phone.

That is brilliant.

It might be wrong, but she sounds like a sure thing.

I gotta hang out in Turkey more.

All the women are like, come here, I'll fuck you.

like all right now it's busy oh it's busy wait call it back in a minute we're gonna ask her if

she's got protection i'll tell her i've run out of contraception or something i don't know what

something's up the one of the machines here that it keeps something usb-ish it must be loose because

it's keep you here it keeps let me try hello hello hello this is turkish kitchen now she's

are talking i have a great idea if she doesn't like you man that's it she fights to fuck me but

not you right yeah right that's story of my life you know all my friends always get laid and i'm

just the one the fucking guy yes because you're married that's fun oh by the sound of it though

she was in the back doing the dishes which she knows where she needs to be there you go is this

the turkish guy again no this is the sizzling tandoor indian something uh nunu wants us to

call them a dalit because dalit means is like the lowest on the that social structure they got what

is it called the caste system the hierarchy the hierarchy yeah it's like peasant yes hello is this

indian food tandoor indian yes we are yes hi i'd like to make an order for dalit please oh we're

already close sir oh is there a dalit there that i can talk to who's that dalit no it's a sizzling

Oh, but are there any Dalits there that clean the toilets?

No, maybe wrong number, okay?

Are you Indian?

Yeah, no, I am not Indian.

Is there an Indian?

You're Indian.

You sound like it.

No, I'm not.

Oh, you sound cute, though.

Hey, guess what?

You know what?

Uh-huh.

I'm going to marriage counseling.

It's not working out.

Did you want to maybe, you know?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm busy right now.

Oh.

Okay, bye-bye.

Yeah, okay.

Harsha, you can pencil in at a later date, apparently.

She's busy right now.

He's busy.

I hate it. I hate bringing it back. Maybe she'll fuck me. I don't know.

She probably will fuck, Jen. Here we go. Let's see.

I was looking up the word dowry, and the word is, like, so ugly in Hindi.

I kill it.

Yeah, they're closed. She said they were closed, right?

I was going to ask her if she'd like to set up a table just for the two of us, you know, to get us to chill out.

It didn't work. All right. Well, Lonesome's still confirming some more numbers.

Those are the ones that we got to there.

Let me see if we got any others I can get to.

We got Two Fat Guys Pizza also, maybe.

I don't know.

Let me see what I got, Request a Prank.

Let's play a little bit of music and see what we got, Request a Prank.

We'll play the number three prank call, not just yet.

In a little bit, we'll play the number three prank call.

We'll try to squeeze the Charlie in and also the Asian Asiatics,

the black Asiatics, but not yet because if they answer,

they will take up a long

portion of the show

we'll leave that

towards the end

and they do not like Ted Webb

all they have to do is speak

and single me out of all the voices

because you're a mulatto apparently

and then Milkman

and then they want to fuck mulatto

what is it with the John Holmes dildo

they're going to use on Milkman

we don't even want to hear

from your brother

Yeah, they're going to fuck Milkman.

They actually thought Bubba was a different person.

Here we go, Milkman.

Here's some information.

You were asking UK Godfather did the research.

The Galaxy S3 is a 4.8-inch screen.

Okay, cool.

I think they're the same, or you're one-tenth more than me.

I don't know.

Very close.

There you go, man.

And it's official.

But I think Milkman is thicker.

Probably in more than one area, too.

Milkman is thicker around.

and it's officially the Olympic phone.

So there you go, man.

That's good to know.

Oh, shit.

Well.

I'm eligible for an iPad.

Now, is that the quad processor version,

or is that the...

Well, I guess it has to be, wouldn't it?

I have a quad-core processor.

Is that what you're saying?

Yeah, it's a quad-core, isn't it?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Nice.

Yeah, man.

All right.

That's going to drink battery.

I was going to say a power-on.

It is.

On a four-point-inch screen,

you need, like, big old homie pants

to carry that around.

You know, like those hands with the big G-Money sign on the back.

That's why I keep saying the phone is a fucking brick.

You don't want to have a phone like that.

You might as well be having a phone from the 1950s.

Yeah, but it's...

I'm showing it on the video.

I don't know if you guys are watching.

This is it here.

I can compare it to my old phone, which I still carry with me.

It's a sweet phone, man.

It is.

Next to each other.

And look how thin it is, man.

It is amazing.

You know, I was waiting and almost held out for that, guys.

I talked about this on the show.

I almost went for it, but I went for the HTC because I had such a good time with my OG Evo.

Yeah, well, I don't know.

HTC's slacking.

We got a number here.

Doc Brown sent in a number for the Indian Palace.

Some Indian fuck answers and hates it when you call him a fat fuck.

There you go.

All right.

Let's do it.

That's a wicked one.

Who's doing that?

I don't know.

I think we're all jumping probably.

Okay.

Let me start then.

All right.

Go ahead.

There you go.

Aren't many fat Indians.

There aren't many of them, but they are out there.

Well, if you go to India, there's plenty of fat Indians.

There you go.

You have to be skinny to get out.

That's your physical.

Hello?

Your call has been forwarded to an internet voice message system.

4-8.

Why don't they give us a number, but that doesn't work.

Oh, my God.

There's always these really good numbers, and we have this great idea.

I know, and it doesn't.

Yeah, I know.

I know.

We got a number here from Mr. Kelly from UK Godfather.

He has no idea what to do.

It's in the UK.

Mr. Kelly.

Let's try that.

All right.

I'm just going to apply the same idea that I was going to use with this fat guy.

Right.

Why not?

In the UK.

10 plus 5.

New news is fat Indians die more quickly.

I can upgrade to a Samsung Focus Flash for 99 cents.

Windows phone.

Who wants that?

Welcome to BT Answer 1571.

Who are you getting these numbers off, man?

UK Godfather sends in numbers that don't always work, unfortunately.

Does he actually ever try them out?

I don't know.

He's no lonesome loser.

He has been good ones in the past.

Sometimes, yeah.

He got Nunez real upset because he kept sending in numbers for hospitals or whatever,

and there was an argument, don't send in hospital numbers,

and I'm like, I don't care.

It's the United Kingdom.

Didn't Godfather at one point send a number to us that was to a police station or something?

Yeah, something.

I got real upset.

Yeah, I remember that.

They have a pain in the ass.

They're live-shy.

Here's another UK number for Christina.

This is Chris Evans. Please leave me a message and I'll call you back.

Chris Evans, right.

Chris, Chris, pick up.

We're not playing any fucking games here, Chris.

I asked one of my Indian co-workers to explain Ulu to me and he started laughing.

And he said, you know, you can call me Ulu because you're my friend.

It's an owl.

Yeah, he said it's because owls look funny and that's why it's an insult.

actually it's based on

ancient Indian history

they think an owl is evil

right it's like you're an evil person

like you're black magic kind of thing

yeah exactly

you see in America it's cool

if I were to say you're like an evil person

like oh cool man

rock and roll

welcome to BT answer 1571

son of a bitch

oh UK godfather killing us

we got the century motel in Oklahoma

the century hotel

This one comes in from Lonesome Loser

Okay, there we go

Let's see what happens

This isn't going to...

Yeah, alright

Alright, I don't know what's going to happen

Let's try it

Sentry Motel

At least somebody's going to pick up

Hopefully

Sentry, may I help you?

Hello, fatty, how are you?

Fine

Yeah, excellent

I was wondering if I could come over there and bounce around on your belly

Can I do that?

Huh?

I want to come over and bounce on the belly

Do you know what I mean?

Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy

Hello

all right let me try let me check it this time let's see i don't think she's gonna answer now

yeah i think i've ruined it has to answer the phone it's a freaking business right yeah what

kind of business is it where you can just not answer she's probably smart enough to know that

we're the same people calling but i'm like these employees taking fucking liberties on when they're

gonna answer the phone or not yeah i don't care if it's fucking saddam hussein calling from the

the grave she's gonna answer that phone yeah the only people the only people who would really like

have to answer the phone and stay on the line are the people from support you know tech support

yeah like aol bt you know those people cannot hang up well that's not working so instead we're

gonna call some of our international friends here let's see if they answer see if you guys

can figure out who this is let me start let me start this one out nine eight hello this is

It's HOMA Hotel. Please hold the line to process your call.

I know who it is. It's HOMA Hotel.

Very good, Jen.

The hell you say.

The homosexual hotel in Iran.

Please wait a moment.

HOMA Hotel, this is Alvin.

Yes, hello, is this the HOMA Hotel?

Yes, please.

Oh, great. I was wondering if I could make reservations.

Do you handle that, or is that a different apartment?

Okay, just a moment, please.

No, but before you do that, hello.

Hello.

Wait, hello. Wait, please, sir. Wait, please.

For what? Why am I waiting?

Okay.

We lost the Madhouse stream.

Oh my god, nothing's changed.

The Madhouse stream crashed completely.

What is this fucking Mario music playing?

It's not, it's just, they've got like a, they put a Game Boy next to the phone, you know, one of these really old Game Boys.

That's crazy.

And they're playing Pokemon or something.

You know what, the Madhouse, it says my account has been suspended.

Is it?

Yeah.

I know.

Yes, hello.

Yes, this is the Homa Hotel.

Yes.

Yes, hi.

I'm wanting to make reservations.

You want to talk to the reservation?

Yes, like for two men in the same bed, in the same room, at the same time.

For tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Yes.

For tomorrow, we have room.

It doesn't need to reserve, because the reservation department is closed today.

But tomorrow, we have room.

You can come and give a room, two single rooms.

There's four of us men, and we're going to share the same room.

touch each other. Yes, we have room, because

it's low season now.

All four men can look at

each other naked with our clothes on

and have sex together, the men?

Oh, come on.

Oh, man.

She thought about it for a second

There was a slight hesitation there

She was just trying to picture it

Alright, here's what's going on

The Madhouse stream has been suspended

For what?

I don't know if it's someone reported us for prank calls

Or there's some kind of issue with the service

So let me

Violation of the terms of service

On which? On the live stream?

On the shoutcast stream

The video streams don't work

Your stream is still up on my side

Yeah, I'm still seeing it going

It's down, man

Yeah, Cacti is still up

And Blue Planet is still up

But we've lost the mouth stream

That sucks

You're talking about live stream

With the video and everything

No, live stream is working

I'm talking about our shoutcast

The audio shoutcast stream

Yeah, it's not working

So our, fuck

Let me play this prank call

This is the number three one

And for those who are still able to listen, this is the number three prank of the last season.

It's called I Drive an Audi.

It's from L.A. New York.

Yeah, so let's play this, and hopefully I can recover the Madhouse dream.

If not, we'll have to continue on what we've got left.

Just a moment.

We'll be right back.

Number three.

Hello.

Yes, hi.

This is Roy.

You left me a voicemail.

I left that note on your car.

Yeah.

What was your name?

My name's Joel.

Yeah, I'm sorry about the car.

I dinged your car.

I'm pretty sure the damage isn't that apparent.

I actually went and fixed it as best as I could while you were inside.

Where did you hit it at?

Towards the back, around where the gas tank goes, you know?

Okay.

All right, so I got into an argument with my wife,

and she was giving me a hard time because we bounced some checks, okay?

And I don't mean to get too personal about it,

but I've been wasting money on lottery tickets, and I went to an Indian casino.

so i got so angry that i started kicking your car i kicked it a few times in the back

you're kicking my car yeah i was upset yeah i'm sorry i just lost my temper and then my wife put

she said that i had to leave a note for some reason on your car so i went ahead and left the

note but i fixed it i fixed it as best as i could i had one of those dent pullers but did you see

the damage um i'm going to take a look at it again i saw a little bit of stuff yeah but i

wanted to talk to you first to double check and make sure what i was looking at well i got really

really mad at your car okay so i kicked it and that's that's i just wanted to let you know that

i kicked your car okay well i appreciate it and i'll i'll get you i'll give you a call back once

i look at it and talk with my insurance agent obviously it's a little late tonight well no the

insurance the insurance already fixed it insurance nothing i mean your car should not have been

there basically is the way the way it goes why was your car there that way well your car you

made me angry you did personally i kicked your damn i made you angry yes how did that make you

the way you parked excuse me my car was parked in a parking spot yeah exactly a little too close

too too far to you know to the side and then me and my wife got into it we started arguing i said

she's like i said you know be a damn shame if someone did something to this car and then i

opened my car door really fast and it hit the the car door like hit the side of your car and

it scratched it on the side there like you saw and she said oh very nice very very good groy very

good you're brilliant and i said yeah you don't like that and i got out and i started kicking the

the car and i said what are you going to do now about it and we realized my car is my car is an

audi right yes not a not a cheap fucking car i don't know what's an audi what's that i don't

know a lot about cars a very expensive car it's an audi those aren't expensive cars at all no

they're not it's not like a bmw it's not like a bmw or more expensive than a bmw and a mercedes

i drive it i drive a toyota celica so yeah so you drive a piece of shit i drive an audi

You're not going kicking other people's fucking cars.

You have an obvious attitude problem.

Look, the most important part is that I made up with my wife, okay?

I don't give a fuck about you and your wife.

I don't give a fuck about my car.

You're not going kicking people's cars.

Well, there's a part of that you need to know about, too,

about the way I made up with my wife.

I don't give a shit about that.

I'm happy for you.

Well, no.

You're not going kicking people's cars.

It was on top of your car.

Do you know what I mean?

Bitch, you got it.

I had sex with her on top of the hood of your car after all this happened.

Hello?

Are you there, Scott?

Sir?

Sir, I'm sorry about the car.

Are you there?

Wow.

He drives an Audi.

I should have said I drive a Dodge Stratus.

I saw someone throw that out there.

You taking this?

I mean, it's huge.

Well, already I offered you to take it.

You want to take it?

I guess, yeah.

All right.

So, you're my boyfriend.

You got to think of a name.

I don't know what you're going to be.

You want to be Ralph?

You can be Cross.

You want to be Cross?

You want to sit in the Cross?

Yeah, I'll be Cross.

All right, be Cross.

Okay.

And then, you know, just go with it.

Just, you know, we got into a fight.

Here we go.

I've always wanted to be Cross.

There you go.

Now you're a chance.

Now's your chance.

What was his name?

Hello.

Hi, how you doing, sir?

I believe you just got in a fight with my boyfriend.

Okay.

Hello?

He didn't mean to damage your car, sir.

Excuse me?

Who is this?

Oh, my name is Cross.

You were just speaking to my boyfriend, Roy.

Okay.

And you were yelling some nasty names at him.

Yeah, I was.

He told me he was kicking the shit out of my car.

I don't appreciate that.

that was probably it was probably just because it's a piece of shit my car is an audi well my

car is a dodge what do you fucking do do your research an audi is better than a mercedes and

a bmw put together get online and do some research bud i just bought a ferrari yesterday oh yeah

right pull your head out of your ass anyway quit calling me leave me the fuck alone oh my god get

a life you sound really hot i might leave roy for you all right we lost the patient that was pretty

Well, that was fascinating.

He's so into his Audi.

He's like, do the research.

This is incredible.

Do your Audi, man.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Who gives a shit?

Hey, we're back, everybody.

I got the stream working again.

I don't know why, but it happened right at midnight.

I thought it set up with PayPal, but I had to actually go in there and force a payment through.

It didn't come out automatically.

I had to click a button for the payment to go through instead of it just working.

Don't understand, but there you go.

All right, so we're back on 98.6 Amount.

This is the seven-year anniversary show machine for Madhouse Radio.

We've got more prank calls to do.

Let's try to call the Indian place again.

Iranian place again, rather.

Sorry, Iranians.

Which one was this?

What we're doing now, the Iranian hotel.

Hotel in Iran.

Home a hotel.

I have no idea you have a classic you don't remember oh, yeah, I now remember yeah, but you

Please hold the line to process your call. It's only line

Sound like you are from Africa calling the operator. Please wait a moment

Yes, hello, I'm staying in the home a hotel right now, and I'm having a problem. What is your room number?

It's room number 12. I'm with Mossad listen. There's a problem here because I'm trying to get my friend

He's a boy, and I want him to come over, and we're going to look at each other with no clothes on.

When someone was telling me that I shouldn't do that, there could be some trouble.

Okay, what can I do?

Well, I want to make sure that I have your permission for another man to come and stay in the bed with me for tonight.

Oh, come on, man.

They usually get quite upset when I say that.

I remember I used to have arguments with them about having two men, one bed, one room at the same time.

You need to ask him if you can take him to bed.

That'll piss him off.

All right, we'll do that next.

those would be the last attempt hello this is homo hotel please hold the line to process your calls

holy line calling the operator please wait a moment yes hello can i have you come to the bed

please excuse me sir we don't have any 12 number room number i mean what what number rooms are you

maybe it's 112 112 yes we don't have what what are your room numbers then what do you know i don't

What's the room number now?

The room is in Arabic. I don't understand.

It's written in a different language. I don't understand.

Okay, what's your problem?

If you have any problem, you should speak to the duty manager about it.

The duty manager?

Well, maybe you can help me out.

I'm looking for a boy.

I can't help you. Sorry, sir.

You sit down on my lap and I kiss you?

He doesn't want to play.

He's starting to get a little agitated, but it's not really working out.

Well, in the meantime, Lonesome has sent him a number.

we would like to call here shag nasties uh that's uh i wish reclude was here for that we've had many

arguments with him uh about a buick he's actually i think he's got a his son is a cop and his son

usually ends up calling uh upset uh but this is the famous uh place where uh reclude aka richie

randall called and said he was gonna get he wanted to get his car back you know francine and all this

stuff let's see what happens here yes hi is this shag nasty's yes it is and you have cars there

oh i've got a couple left yeah you need yeah i need a car you need a car yeah i don't have any

that runs that i've got yourself no i don't need it to run i just need to put some stuff in there

real quick uh i'm not sure what you're you lost me i think well i need to take pictures my wife

is gonna what we do we do videos you know and um so what we're gonna do is i'm gonna go in there

with my cell phone it has it takes video you know how cell phones they take video now like record

video like a camcorder yeah all right so what i do is i sit in the car and then my wife um she

comes up to the car and i videotape it and she and she you know kind of sticks her head inside

and i make love to her face kind of you know what i mean and then we record it and then we put it

on we sell it for money on the internet oh i go dig i'm gonna i'd be interested in something

like that well you're not interested in girls pardon you're not interested in girls are you

homosexual hell no well then why aren't you interested in women uh you know you might

want to call with the other wrecking yards no way this is shagnassus and you came you came

no man hell no hell no i'm gonna try him again he's pretty cool if he wants to join in

He'll be like, hell no.

What the hell?

Oh, hillbilly.

Oh.

Hello, yes.

Listen, I understand that this is the gay man that has the wrecking yard.

You call back again, and I will call the sheriff's office.

Why?

But you have some, your son is a cop, right?

Isn't it?

Or something like that?

All right, fine.

He always ends up calling the sheriff's office on us, so might as well let him do it.

Hell no.

Hello?

He hung right up.

Nothing there.

No action there.

All right.

Things are slowing down a little bit here.

That's not good.

Let's keep going.

Let's pick it up a little bit here, guys.

We'll have to do a thing.

What's happening today with a lot of people?

Oh, boy.

That always does.

Let's try Charlie first here real quick.

Reclude, come in.

Reclude, come in, please.

Let's get that guy out.

I should have been co-hosting the fucking show tonight.

I know.

That would have been awesome, man.

I tried.

I honestly tried.

I left him a few voicemails, but I don't want to bother him, you know?

If he's not into prank calls, that's fine.

He'll come around.

He's out on a mission still, man.

Trying to work his contract details out to be on the show.

His appearance fees and all that stuff.

I guess so.

All right, let's see what Charlie's got going on.

Hello?

Charlie, hey, what's your wife wearing tonight?

What is your wife wearing tonight?

Who is calling?

I'm a friend of your wife.

What is she wearing?

What kind of clothing does she have on tonight?

Who is that?

This is Cross, your old buddy Cross.

Okay, can you call my restaurant?

showing? Is that really it or are you trying to

get me to call something else? No, you call

next night, okay? Okay.

What's going to happen there? Well.

Alright.

Wouldn't it be funny as fuck if he actually

gave you his wife's cell phone or something?

You call this. I'm calling

the restaurant. I have the number saved.

I think he gave me a cop police number.

Yeah, you can mess with that.

Yes, Charlie told me to call

and speak to you. Hello?

Yeah, Charlie told me to call and talk to you.

Charlie is not here.

Then why did he tell me to call you at the restaurant?

Charlie, who's calling?

Oh, this is Cross.

I just spoke to Charlie.

He said to give you a call here at the restaurant.

Are you...

You...

You want to order or...

Well, I had to order.

I had to talk to Charlie first, though.

Oh, Charlie is...

Oh, Charlie is busy.

Not here now.

He's not there at all?

He's not working today?

You want to call back?

When is he there?

Hello?

Please leave your message for...

Are you guys...

Everyone...

Have you...

Yeah, I was just trying to call Charlie.

he's not picking up on his cell phone oh charlie is not here now i don't know charlie anywhere but

i'm trying to call him on his cell phone he told me to call here to talk to him oh i don't know

charlie yeah what do you mean you don't know charlie he's your husband i don't know you

charlie where you don't know charlie where please leave your message for that's charlie right no

she's killed charlie doesn't care charlie he's just not into it anymore man all right let's let's try

the asiatics real quick here when i say asiatics real quick that means it's going to be about an

hour worth of talking to them no i'm kidding i won't let it get that long but let's see what

they got going on jenny have you ever talked to the asiatics you've been in a line with them

before right no i've never talked to them who are these you're in for a fucking treat you actually

want me to say something i don't even know who these people are no no no no hang on you'll jump

in if they pick if the guy picks up if he picks up telephone number seven zero two no he's not

not answering either what was that uh it's these black guys who are really angry at white people

oh wow i think what happened was i put an ad in craigslist once for help moving

and i i i acted really weird with the guy and he got all upset and then he called the he called

back with his other black friend and they argued with me for an hour they went on for like about

like 20 minutes about jesus was egypt at some point and king james yeah one of them was like

Yeah, King James was a faggot, and he fucked monkeys and made the white race.

I don't know.

They wanted us to meet him in the back of a cave.

Yeah, he was going to fuck Milkman in the back of the cave with a John Holmes dildo or something.

I don't know.

Dirty Aaron's here, though.

Hey, Dirty Aaron.

Yo, dogs.

Happy birthday, Carlito.

Thank you.

Happy birthday, Madhouse.

My birthday's in June.

Happy birthday, Madhouse.

There you go.

All right.

Hang on, Dirty Aaron.

We're going to call a gas station.

This is called Sheetz.

Sheetz, the gas station.

Let's go.

Let's do it.

I wanted to say, Lonesome Loser, I know you're a big enemy of the Wawa convenience stores.

There's a big deal in Orlando.

They opened the first Wawa store in Florida, and the governor was there for the opening of it.

And the mayor of Orlando showed up as well.

That place really needs to get their shit straight.

Don't get it.

I don't get it.

They made such a big deal about it, man.

Man, I'm so happy I love Florida.

Bitch Pudding lives in Orlando.

Hey, Bitch Pudding.

Call us all Sheetz.

Yeah, Sheetz?

Yep.

How are you?

That's great.

Listen, I wanted to make a complaint about the french fries there.

Okay.

They're thin.

Why?

It's the way they are.

Do you make them there?

Do they come frozen already?

They already come frozen.

Oh, have you ever thought maybe you could take potatoes and cut them up a little bit?

Never crossed my mind.

What do you mean, never crossed your mind?

You thought about it.

Never crossed my mind.

You thought about it, right?

No, not really.

Have you ever tried a double blind study?

No.

No?

I don't know what to do with you.

I don't know what to say.

Does anybody else have anything for the sheets?

I don't know.

I think the fries are about as thin as his dick.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I don't even know what the hell I was doing there.

I'm losing gas.

What time is it anyway?

It's almost time to end the show.

12.39.

Yeah, that's what's going on.

20 to 1.

Yeah, starting to out here.

here uh let's see if there any more request of pranks here unless any of you guys have any bright

ideas places we can call things we can do it can be done as well i want to do a tech support call

with ted but i don't know if he's still here if he's up for that dad you hear yeah i'm right here

no he's ken nice try but i'm looking at the skype screen so i know it's not said for some reason at

some point ted will he'll stay connected but he leaves i think he drinks red red wine with his

wife at some point of the show yeah he's just sitting there with his wife casually listening

sipping the red wine with the fireplace going in the middle of july that is exactly like ted

just listening to the madhouse getting in the mood why not there you go i told you it's bill

gates he's got such a big house he's just walking around and you know just taking it easy yeah

peeing in jars and stuff at some point i really i really wanted to do a call like that with ted

once you know like a like a bill gates where he calls up and actually says he is bill gates

because if you watch, like, a Bill Gates video,

it is uncanny how similar they sound.

It's unbelievable.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, seriously, it's crazy.

I saw a video where, like, they started talking to Bill Gates

and they started asking him weird questions, like,

does he believe in, what is it, population control?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, like all this stuff, and he got upset.

He's great. That guy's a genius.

I really like him.

He's such an inspiring guy.

He says that the human race needs to be reduced by 30%,

The population needs to be reduced by 30%.

He's a strong believer in that.

And the funny thing is, like, Hitler had the same ideas also, apparently.

It's like, well...

Hitler wasn't exactly a...

I don't know.

He had the right idea, but the wrong sort of plan.

The wrong...

Carry it out.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, yeah.

And he ruined that Adolf thing.

That was a cool name, Adolf.

I've talked about this recently.

No one...

My grandfather's called Adolf, or was called Adolf.

Was.

Did he change his name?

No, no, no, he died, obviously.

Oh, well, there you go.

There you go.

All right, let's continue.

Let's see.

Hang on.

I have two pranks left and a prank that I'm not going to do one yet.

In a little bit.

We're back on Stickum again.

Are you wearing a sailor's hat?

That's the prank hat.

Are you kidding?

The captain's hat?

Are you fucking serious?

Let me see that.

Hold on a second.

He's wearing a fucking helm right there.

That's the captain's hat.

That's the famous.

I've been wearing this for years.

Are you kidding?

That is pretty badass.

I've only just, because I only just clicked on it.

Sorry.

No, I've been wearing this hat since I started doing video for Madhouse.

I've always worn the hat.

I take it.

It's old.

It's so old, man.

I got to take it off.

I've had enough.

It smells terrible.

Just the dust to knock off of it, man.

It smells good.

It smells like hair.

Like pickles and sex.

You know, like hair oil.

I love kiddies.

Your natural oils in your hair.

That's what it smells like.

All right.

All right, well, waiting for numbers here for Lonesome Loser.

Let me look up some UK stuff here we can call.

We'll do some quick wake-up calls, and I suppose we'll get out of here.

Bring it on.

Yeah, let me do some UK.

Come on.

I want to do a couple of UK.

All right, we're going to call Roger Brown.

What time is it?

This is in Bromley.

I don't know where Bromley is.

Yeah, Bromley's in Kent.

Kent.

I think it is.

No, it's not.

Bromley's in London.

Okay, sorry.

Awesome.

Bromley.

Roger Brown.

What's his name?

Roger Brown.

All right.

Hello, morning, Roger.

Yes?

Did I wake you up?

No.

Oh, I didn't wake you.

Oh, that is a little bit of a disappointment.

This is Jim Stewart.

How are you?

Very well.

Very good.

Are you coming to the opening ceremony this evening, to the Olympics?

No.

Why?

What are you laughing about?

Well, I'm just, why are you not coming this evening?

That's what I would like to know.

Well, I don't have a ticket.

Well, I could just, you could just, you know, we could sneak in through the back.

Is that funny?

I'm serious

we could go in

through the back

right

I know a way in

and we could just

jump over all the

soldiers and everything

and just you know

just chill out

and just watch the

opening ceremony

right

there's going to be

a lot of sheep there

and a lot of horses

and cows

have you heard about that

yeah

horse

yeah yeah

so you don't

you don't want to do it

Roger

no I don't think so

Roger

why not

what are you laughing

about man

did I tell you

you could laugh

when I say you can

laugh then you can

laugh you understand what i'm saying until then you don't laugh roger you can speak you know hello

yeah good yeah this is what i'm saying so don't don't laugh okay don't be rude because otherwise

i'm going to come over there and slap you you're laughing again you're trying to be funny you know

huh roger set my dog on you talk to my buddy he he likes you hello roger roger roger that all right

we'll call a different roger we'll call a different roger roger brown stand in line roger brunker is

going to come up next here he's in the same town i believe let's see here yes no he's in london the

grange london i have no idea what that is is it the garage the grange here we go that's roger

brown still on hang on roger don't go anywhere buddy tell him it's roger brown hello yeah it's

mr stewart roger yes yeah excellent i i'm i'm a friend of roger brown's do you know roger brown

No, I don't.

He's the sheep herder for the Olympics this evening.

Can you explain to me why you're ringing me at six in the morning?

A quarter to six in the morning, because basically I just wanted to wake you up and tell you about the Olympics.

I know about the Olympics. Why do you want to tell me about it?

Well, I wanted to see if you'd come along and, you know, I wanted to invite you.

And my friend can cut off the other Roger. I would be very pleased.

You're really confusing me.

I understand that, I understand, I understand, but basically I have a ticket, I have an available ticket, you know, VIP, and I want a VIP, and I would like you to come along.

What, just once, for once?

Yeah, just me and you, you know.

Well, it's a very kind thought, but I'm afraid I won't be able to do that.

Well, I'm very disappointed, to be honest with you, because, you know, it's costing me a lot of money to get that ticket, and now for you to say no, that's just bloody rude, isn't it?

Can you tell me who you are?

Because I'm not sure who you are.

Mr. Stewart, I told you that when I called.

Yeah, and what connection are you with me, then?

I'm a friend of Roger Brown, the sheep herder at the Olympics.

Yeah, but how do I know who... I don't know Roger Brown.

Yes, you do. Yes, you do.

You've been in his pen shagging his sheep.

I know. You know Roger Brown.

Oh, for God's sake, you're a bloody arsehole.

You're a bloody idiot, aren't you?

Excellent.

You're a complete arsehole.

All right, let me try him again.

Let me try him myself.

There is some sort of echo. That is so awful. I hate that.

It happens.

Under CK.

Hello, Roger?

Yes?

Yes, listen, I want to apologize. I'm the supervisor here.

I understand you got a harassing call from one of my associates.

Yes, I have.

All right, did he say...

I don't understand what it's...

Well, we're with the Olympic Council, Olympic Committee.

Well, it doesn't sound like it.

Well, no, we are with the Olympic Committee.

I'm from Chicago, Illinois. I represent the United States faction.

All right, well, that's very nice of you to call.

And thank you for apologizing, but whatever he was offering, I'm not in a position to accept.

He's offering the services of male prostitution for the Olympics.

Oh, for God's sake, what's the matter with you? You're completely mad.

Well, there's a need for male prostitutes, so we're calling around to see if...

Yeah, well, you go and stuff yourself as well.

Well, okay.

Go get stuffed.

I love that saying.

He's so polite, isn't he?

I love living here.

It's so great.

and notice certain parts of england are more polite than the others some are just angry we'll

call him again no he's just gonna hang out now yeah he's just gonna hang up now okay uh we got

fresh uk numbers though from lonesome loser let's hit those up uh starting with uh manchester uh

terry lester here let's do that one oh those people are gonna be angry manchester yeah i know

great almost almost everybody in manchester is a cunt home of the home of that pub that pub that

we call Milkman. Remember what I'm talking about?

What's it called? The Bull's Head Inn?

Bull's Head Pub? You do the sound jump in if you want.

Sorry, we cannot

answer your call now. Please call

later. Can't even leave a message.

Jeez, I'm so sorry. Yeah, we have the same

I have the same exact phone downstairs

that... Oh, yeah? Nice.

What do you think? One or two minutes?

Call back? That's later? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think that's better.

Alright, Terry Robinson instead.

I will still take this one. Hello.

Hello. No! Balls.

Oh, it's a fax.

Balls or bollocks.

We got Fred instead.

Fred Atree.

This is in Cheadle.

I don't know.

I've never heard of Cheadle before.

I know Don Cheadle, the actor, but I've never heard of Cheadle, the town in England.

Let's try that.

Where the hell is Cheadle?

I don't know.

Sounds like a nice place.

It's in Manchester.

Oh, excellent.

Hello.

Your call cannot be taken at the moment.

Please leave a message after the tone.

Curly, you know who we need to call?

It's that lady that answers her phone.

7-9-2-9-2-7

or whatever that is.

What is it? 7-2-2-9-2-7, right?

She probably fucking died.

God, she never answered after...

7-8 fucking years old.

She died of heart attack as Carlito called her

seven times in a row.

I think her husband beat the shit out of her

for talking to another man on the phone.

Yeah, because the last time we talked to her

she said like...

That's all we heard.

And I think the next one we talked to the husband,

John Batchelor. This is the Batchelor residence.

Uh, let's see if she answers.

7-2-2-9-2-7, here we go.

Yes, is this 7-2-2-9-2-7?

It is.

Oh, this is excellent.

This is John Batchelor I'm speaking with.

Hello, Mr. Batchelor.

John?

No, I'm not John Batchelor, no.

Oh, is John there?

Or is he dead?

Did he die?

This is a sensitive subject.

Can you tell me where you're calling from?

I'm calling from the Olympics, the Olympic Committee.

Can you tell me whom you represent?

Uh, I represent the United States faction, but we're with the Olympic Village.

We're looking for male prostitutes, and we had you down.

That was one.

Oh, good.

Good.

So, would you prefer...

I don't think you can afford my charges, though.

Oh, no?

Really?

Are you that good?

Well...

Well, apparently that wasn't done, so the wife is getting a little bit on the side.

I guess so.

Let me pick this up.

I have a serious question for him.

I don't think it's going to happen.

We got Angela Stewart in Manchester instead.

Oh, Stewart.

This is Jim's cousin.

Related...

It's my sister.

Your sister?

Hey.

What do you take?

You can ask her if she wants a bit of panky-panky.

Oh, my God, Jen.

Seriously?

I'm an only child.

I would never say that.

Oh, God.

Jesus, Jen.

Bad.

Angela.

Wasn't there an Angela you say?

Didn't we call an Angela once and you said she had cut you off in traffic?

The person you have called is unavailable.

Please leave a message after the tone.

Let me see if I can find that.

There was an Angela that we called once and Jen.

Oh, yeah.

You were like.

Holy shit, and I was, like, accusing her of running me off my motorcycle or something, and then...

My Angela doesn't drive!

Not My Angela! My Angela doesn't do things like that!

She doesn't drive!

Yeah, yeah!

I can't find that number. That's too old in the archive. That sucks.

That was absolutely brilliant.

Oh, that lady got so upset.

Oh, no, not My Angela doesn't drive!

My Angela doesn't drive!

No, nothing there. Oh, crap. Oh, well. That ain't gonna work.

That ain't no good.

Let's keep going.

The numbers, they're not

lonesome.

I don't know.

It happens at times. It's late.

Come on, man.

Let's try another one here.

This is Frida. Who is this?

Frida.

F-R-E-D-A. Is that a black

lady's name, probably?

No, it sounds more like a cartoon.

If it's in London, is it

an African-European or just

Just an African.

Afropean.

South African.

A color.

They just call him Blackster, I think.

Invalid phone number.

Come on, but it's Lonesome Loser.

He's never invalid.

Try again.

Copy-paste it again.

Yeah, Lonesome losing his touch, though.

Lonesome is losing it.

Oh, Lonesome, you're cool, man.

Don't worry about it.

He's cool, man.

He can get bones, man.

Can't help it.

Invalid.

That's cool.

Did we call Fred already?

Fred Atchery?

I think we did, right?

I don't know.

Let's call him again.

Oh, no, he didn't answer, but we'll call again.

again maybe he'll answer this time maybe he was taking a shit on the toilet you know you can just

change the last three digits and you'll probably get through to something point but who who would

we can hold up it doesn't matter there's someone to fuck with presumably you're doing this hello

fred fred hello is that you fred hey how are you sir thank you for answering huh yeah were you

sleeping no i'm up oh you're up good did we talk to you already yeah oh good i think no we didn't

talk to you already hey we had a question about the olympics i'm sorry i'm having that again yeah

the olympics you know the olympics are in town yes okay so i wanted to put someone up he the

this guy's from north korea all right he plays soccer and he's going to be defecting and we

need to hide him inside your bathroom just for a few hours nothing insisting okay do you have

enough room in your home there to hold a north korean he doesn't pick it he doesn't take up

up much space no i'm sorry can't help you there oh come on please no share share your toilet share

the love of your toilet the beauty of sharing your bathroom with someone i said no please

that's it final please i'll give you some money i said no and that's fine think about the beauty

of trusting a man enough to let him use your toilet it's a great thing i got oh he probably

probably won't pick up the second time after that we got uh mr terry robinson you know i'll try terry

again no no all right well instead we'll call this number here this is terry robinson if that

doesn't work i'm gonna do jim's trick of changing the last three digits which i think is i love how

you keep i love how you keep them on the line let them figure it out on their own i gotta learn

somehow i'm gonna find something to eat i'm hungry now no i can't i can't diet diet diet stay focused

eye on the prize

hello

yes Terry

is this Terry

no

this is

wait a minute now

you're

this

this is

this isn't Terry Robinson

no

were you sleeping

it's too early

it's time to wake up

the king

the king of England

is going to be coming by

for the procession

she sounded a bit Jamaican

yeah she did

oh shit

ring her back

oh my god

bye

that's good

wag one

without push it

wag one

After that, we'll call Blood of Jesus lady.

I got her here.

She's loaded up.

Let me try this, all right?

All right.

Hello.

Your call can't be taken at the moment,

so please leave a message after the tone.

I thought she picked it up.

Hello?

Yes, hello?

Hello, don't keep repeating it.

How are you?

Who is that?

This is Mr. Stewart.

Who is that?

I don't know, Mr. Stewart.

You do now.

I don't know.

Yeah, you do.

I'm telling you.

I'm putting the phone down on you.

I'm putting it on you.

All right, goodbye.

Bloody hell.

I think that was the blood of Jesus, lady, I think.

I'm looking at the numbers here.

I think that was.

What happened?

I was putting the phone down.

Yeah, hello.

Why did you put it down on me?

What?

What do you mean, want?

Why did you put it down on me, the phone?

Why?

I didn't put any phone down on you.

Oh, hello.

Oh, you're Jamaican, aren't you?

Who are you?

Mr. Stewart, Mr. Stewart.

I've come here all the way from Kingston, Jamaica, to learn the lingo.

Oh, well, I don't know it, so you can.

Yes, no, no, you do know it.

Tell me what it means when a man says to another man he's a batty boy.

Who are you anyway?

I told you, I'm Mr. Stewart, and I'm trying to learn the lingo.

You know that you're making...

Well, I don't know it.

Well, yes, you do.

You have to phone someone else.

But tell me, what does a batty man...

Tell me, what does that mean?

Hello?

I think if we keep on her, she's probably going to cry.

Oh, no, she gets upset, she starts telling you to, um, drink the blood of Jesus.

She's the blood of Jesus, this is the blood of Jesus lady.

Is it?

This is an answering machine.

In case you didn't know, this is an answering machine.

This sounds like the Queen.

That's a different one, then, too, the same number, different message.

Try it again.

Yeah, because when you pick up the phone and dial out, you get the BT thing,

but otherwise you can have a i see i see double machine hello hello yes what do you want do you

have the blood of jesus in you well yeah that means you're menstruating probably what that

means you're menstruating do you know do you know a woman once a month has the blood do you know what

i mean you know much about jesus i do jesus is a black man who lived in egypt in africa

and he was gay

he was a gay man

what do you know about Jesus

and you are gay

yes yes yes

you are a liar you have a gay with me sometimes

ok true

we did the gay last night didn't we

that's just for fun

she's having a hell of a time with that phone

hey Carlito

call her back and bring the white devil

into the conversation

oh the white devil

uh okay you want me to carry on let me let me wait double here real quick all right oh how do

i i gotta turn the thing on uh-oh what's that hello are you guys there yeah static oh there's

a horn of static oh shit let me play uh let me play the number two prank call while i try to

fix whatever i just disconnected that's creating static shit all right the number two prank is uh

we're not gonna play the whole thing i keep saying that all night tonight but it's too long

um this came really close to being the number one call but i'll explain in a moment why it wasn't

uh but this is goddamn you just a moment you hello i'm sorry what do you call me back for

i just want to apologize i want to know how you fix my car because i'm looking at it right now

and there's no damage i have to sit under the gas tank yeah how do you fix it i mean how did

you fix it i have tools in my trunk that i use i do body work i do frame bending stuff like that

You're a body guy.

Well, I do that and other things.

Do you have an insurance card?

I'm unemployed.

Well, I'd like your insurance, to be honest with you,

because my insurance company, I already called to report it,

and they said I need your insurance information.

Are you kicking my car because you get pissed at your wife?

Yeah.

Yeah, you're liable for this, and someone's going to pay for all this,

and I assure you I'm not because I've been unemployed.

So what you're telling me is you kick my car because I'm liable for you kicking it.

yeah you are you parked wrong and pedestrians have the right of way and you got in the way

of me walking and it's your problem and maybe i would have been cooperative but ever since i gave

you a call to help out with a situation you called me uh you made fun of my gender you said i'm a

woman you made fun of my girlfriend you you said cocksucker motherfucker to me and all that stuff i

I don't know.

Well, I'll give you, I fixed the car.

I'll give you $30 and then I'll invoice you $60.

You want me to pay for your bath salts, right?

Is that what you're saying?

Can you help me out?

Can I help you out?

Yeah.

Why would I give you money for kicking my car?

I fixed your car.

You said you kicked my car and damaged my car.

I tried to get into my car to fix it.

Then you said you fixed it.

But I fixed it, right?

Amazing.

Damn $30.

Well, I fixed his goddamn car, son of a bitch.

You didn't even do nothing to his car, buddy.

I went out there and looked at it.

That car ain't been wrecked.

What do you know about cars?

I know.

I went out there and looked.

You don't know shit.

I know you're a goddamn crook.

Faggots don't know about cars.

You're a goddamn crook.

What do you know about cars?

You can't even drive.

And you're on dope and you're probably drunk right now.

That's why you're calling him here to try to get $30.

Crazy, blind, diabetic old man.

Yeah.

I know what you're trying to do.

You're trying to scam him.

Do they have any work I can do?

You're a scammer.

No.

It ain't going to work.

Please, please.

It ain't going to work.

You don't know how hard it is.

I can't get bad thoughts out of my mind.

I don't give a goddamn about a bad thought.

You're not scamming him.

Do you have any beer or something?

I don't know.

Can you buy me a beer?

I can afford to buy beer.

Then what do you know about cars?

You don't know anything about cars.

I'm not going to buy your goddamn dope for you.

Faggot.

I'm not a dope head

That's not nice

It's bath salts

I don't have a wife I have a girlfriend

It's true

You're getting between me and my drugs

Listen give me my dope

You're getting between me and my dope money

Pick my foot up your fucking ass

Motherfucker

I want bath salts

I'll kill my mother for bath salts.

Give them to me.

Bull.

Back here, you're wasting your goddamn time.

Goddamn $30.

I'm losing my patience with you.

I fixed the car, don't give me my money.

For $30.

I don't have anything else.

I've thought of everything.

Well, it ain't going to work here.

It might work from somebody else, buddy, but it ain't going to work here.

Do you have anybody I can call?

Like anybody in your family?

No.

No, I don't know nobody's going to help you.

You've got to help your goddamn sorry self.

Goddamn you.

I've been you.

I've been your sorry ass.

Goddamn you to hell.

I've been you, buddy.

You've got to help your own sorry fucking self.

Goddamn you and your coffin.

You're pitiful.

You're fucking pitiful.

You're a fucking junkie.

Listen, I was a high school quarterback.

You're a salt junkie.

I was a...

There you go.

I'm a salt junkie, everybody.

See?

and the brilliant thing about that is

that was way before the whole

bath salts controversy

and the guy in Miami in the face

who ended up not being on bath salts

yeah that's

that guy if we had all listened to him

he was right that the bath salts were

you know look at me trying to warn the world

I turned into a zombie

on that prank call

if I try to turn the sound effects on

the white devil voice

that's what it does

I don't know

I got to, I don't know.

I don't know.

I'm not working right.

But there you go.

Well, I say we do one or two more prank calls, and then we're going to get out of here.

You guys are welcome to stay on.

We got Thomas Copp in England.

Let's call that real quick here.

Can I jump in?

Thomas Copp.

Yes, yes.

Actually, Aaron, you do pretty good with the UK pranks, and you haven't done none tonight.

Well, thank you, sir.

Very well.

Here we go.

Thomas Copp.

Copp.

Thomas Copp, C-O-P-P.

And this is in Manchester.

Chester, let's do it.

See what happens.

Thomas C. OPP, you know me.

Yes, good morning, Thomas.

Yes, Thomas, are you there?

Yes, is Thomas there?

No?

Who am I speaking with?

Are you there, sir?

Do you know how to operate the phone?

Okay.

My name is Brent Westwood.

I'm with the Olympic Committee.

Can you hear me?

I don't know what you're saying.

I'm on about the Olympics, sir.

I'm the head of the American speedwalking team,

and there's been a change in the race plans.

and we're going to need to change the race,

and it's going to have to go through your property.

So we're going to need you to go ahead and clean up your yard

and get all that shit out of the front yard.

I don't think so.

I know who I called.

We're going to be walking right through their fucking yard.

You there?

All right, Thomas is done.

This will be the last one.

Jim, you want to do this?

This is John Constable in Hove, England.

This is the town where Jay-Z is from.

Let's try this here, John Constable.

This will be the last live prank of the show.

No pressure.

Hello?

Yes, good morning.

I'm a friend of Johnny's.

Is he there?

Hello?

Hello, Johnny.

Good morning.

It's Mr. Stewart.

How are you?

It's Mr. Stewart.

Yeah, I am.

But I wanted to give you this opportunity to, you know,

tell you how much of a cunt you are for getting up at 10 past 6 in the morning

like an idiot when the phone was ringing.

You cunt.

You understand?

You are a cunt.

Absolute cunt.

Why did you get up and ring?

Arsehole.

Piss off.

Fuck you.

What do you mean piss off?

Twat, idiot, ass, whore bitch.

Why are you swearing?

Do you know what you are?

I'm going to have your kneecap shut off, you shithead.

I'll fuck you in the arsehole, you idiot.

Hello?

And that's John Constable.

Bring him back, bring him back.

He's going to have your kneecap shut off.

You know, that sounds really painful, getting that done.

Welcome to voicemail.

Oh.

He's going to wait.

Give it like a couple minutes or something.

We'll give him a second.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, just real quick, while we wait on that,

I just want to thank everyone for seven years of Madhouse Radio.

We're wrapping it up here now.

I want to thank everyone who joined us tonight.

Jen, thank you.

Yeah, thanks, man.

It's been a while since I've been in this kit.

It's been great having you on.

I want to thank Zolarv for making an appearance, Hollywood Vanya.

Ted Webb showed up.

That was great.

Am I missing anybody of the special guests?

Yeah, AMD was here, but we didn't.

he wanted to do a call, but then unfortunately

Zola was there at the same time. It didn't really work out.

Yeah, it didn't work out, unfortunately.

I'll connect Richie here real quick for what it's worth.

Giggles!

Hey, Giggles, how you doing?

Hey.

Alright, cool. Alright, let's

try Constable one more time for

Jen Stewart.

He's on the phone now

doing 1471.

Alright, well, that's it.

Well, hey, yes, Richie.

How do I get into that fantasy football league?

You want to get in?

You sent me your email, didn't you?

I did on Facebook, yeah.

Okay.

I sent it on Facebook in the messenger, too.

Aaron, I think I added you, didn't I?

Didn't I send you?

I don't know how to check on it.

I'll send you a new invite, then.

On my email machine.

Yeah, I'll send you a new invite, so I've got to put down Richie,

I've got to get Lonesome in there, and I've got to get Dirty Aaron.

Okay, cool.

And if you guys are going to play,

Don't be like, oh, do it for a week or two and get out.

That sucks.

I don't like that.

Don't forget about me, too.

And Ken.

Yes, big Ken.

There we go.

We've got a league going here.

All right, cool.

The Dallas Cowgirls.

You can.

You can be whatever you want.

You can have Tony Homo if you want for your quarterback.

That's awesome.

That's fine.

All right, Richie, well, sorry, but you're out of here on your ass already.

See you later, man.

Richie's out of here on his ass.

Ken, you're out of here on your ass.

Thanks for being on.

Have a good night.

Wait, wait, wait.

One more try that.

Constable again. You want Constable one more time?

Alright. 1-1-1-1. Let's see. I hope he

picks up. Let's see. I don't know.

I hope he picks up because he's a funny guy.

That's great. What are you, a twat?

Twat. Oh, yeah. Here we go.

Yeah, Richie, you're invited.

Oh, shit.

The person you have called is unavailable.

Nope. Unavailable. Alright, Ken, you're out of here on your ass.

Take care, man. See you later.

Take care.

Alright. Dirty Aaron.

Hey. Hey. I'm right here. Hold on a second.

One thing. Yes. It's wonderful to

to hear you again sir thank you happy birthday to matt house thank you and nice to be on the air

with you as well uh jim stewart thanks to the iron there you go all right all right mate all right

you're out of here ted webb he's been out of here on his ass for a while now i think so he's already

uh jen again thank you sir it's been great having you good luck on the olympics i'll be rooting for

you i'll be watching on nbc over here and you know bring home the gold yeah okay yeah i'll try

Try to, yeah, but are you going to upload the show?

Yes, absolutely, this weekend.

It'll be up.

Yeah, all right, send me a message on Facebook, then I can listen to it again.

I'll get you an advance copy.

And hear my own voice.

I love the sound of my own voice.

Thank you very much.

All right, take care, man.

All right.

You too, buddy.

Happy birthday again.

Bye.

Thank you, bye.

Jen's out of here and I was asked.

Milkman, this is me and you.

Oh, yeah.

This is how it started, Milkman.

This is me and you.

Man, back to the good old days again, man.

This was a rocking show tonight, brother.

It was.

It was a good show.

I want to thank everyone who tuned in.

Thank you for seven years as a celebrity at MetaHouse.

Thanks everyone who's had us on this year.

I already said thanks to Cacti and Syndicate.

Thank you.

And also a big thanks to Ted Webb and all of them and Blue Planet.

That's been great.

What else, guys?

I'm going to play the number one prank we'll play at the end of the show.

I'll go ahead and tell you what it is now.

Now, the number one prank of the last year is going to be high-risk delivery.

And that's why I wanted to talk about it real quick.

I think one of the best things that we accomplished this year,

and it was a lot thanks to RBCP and the Phone Loser crew,

was the ability where we started doing advanced work where we, well, not me.

I never did it, but where Brad and some others will call, let's say, a pizza place, a major pizza chain like Domino's or something, and the social engineering that goes into being able to ask them, hey, I'm with corporate, give me the last five people that ordered a pizza, give me their phone numbers and their names and all this shit, and taking that and making some really funny prank calls like we did.

and also as we did with the last call here

where Brad was asking people in the last year or so

to leave notes on cars saying I'm sorry I dinged your car my name is Roy

and would have them call that voicemail line that Brad

has set up and we had a lot of funny calls this last season with that

including the last one we heard the Bass Alts one the god damn you

that was one of those where I was calling back after these people had

I'd gone to the car and seen a note that said, sorry, I dinged your car.

Please call me, and then I will call back and act stupid.

And the way I always did it was like, yeah, I get angry, so I kicked your car.

If you can imagine, if you come out of a grocery store or a Walmart and there's a sign on your car asking you to call,

and when you call and the person calls you back, they're giving you bullshit for damage to your car that never happened.

and how many times these people all of a sudden saw damage to the car

that wasn't put there, but they were certain that it happened.

I just thought it was amazing.

So good on you guys.

And again, this is an example of how the Madhouse community contributes to the show.

Some of the best calls that we've had this year

haven't been from just me and Lonesome and Nunu getting numbers.

It's been from some pretty intense groundwork,

and I think we've taken things here on Madhouse to another level this season.

I think it's going to be even great.

I can't imagine what the next seven years,

hopefully we're still doing it seven years from now, Milkman.

Excellent lead.

We couldn't do it without you.

All right.

Well, Milkman, why don't you get us the hell out of here?

What do you say?

All right, Armonito.

Well, I'll tell you,

this is not another fantastic, monumental, epic episode.

Man, what a lineup of greats tonight.

I'd like to thank everybody that joined us tonight,

and all our friends that joined us.

A few list of stars, you know,

Jen Stewart, Ted Webb, you name it.

And we had the gang here tonight.

Everybody showed up.

I'm so glad everybody got to listen to you all.

And Zolar, shit, we had a good time.

Thank you, that's right, our listeners.

Especially you.

Every week we do this for you,

that's like the most live, interactive comedy

on the internet right here.

That's right.

You just ask, you get the time,

and we'll drop the dime.

man bring a friend or better yet bring it in you're always welcome right here in the madhouse

that's right what would we do without you my dearly clear the air of my knees

as always man it's been one heck of it's been one heck of an amazing journey man you guys

edmona never ceases to fascinate me man great show man you big guy well thanks milkman i think

we've we've done enough thanks for the night you know we can't thank you people anymore uh and

yeah looking forward to being on syndicate from now on uh for a long future there thanks for

yeah definitely all right well that's it manhouselive.com is a website be sure to

follow everything there forums facebook page twitter podcast all that stuff it's all there

so check that out and we're out of here we'll be back next week also keep in mind yeah in august

um was it the third week of august there will not be a show because i will be having uh eye

surgery august 17th it's not major eye surgery it's very simple nothing like what i've been

through the last year uh just routine eye surgery to finish some work that's already been done

in the past but uh the show will would fall normally on the night august 16th of thursday

the night before uh my surgery would occur the next morning i have to rest up for that

so uh yeah man mark i'm telling you because usually usually what happens is i forget and

And I don't remember until after, you know, after the fact.

Yeah, so this time, I'm telling you guys, third week, we're going to have an off week.

Maybe I'll do, like, a best of episode or something.

Recorded, pre-recorded, whatever.

All right, well, we're out of here.

Milkman, thanks again.

We'll catch you guys next week.

All right, man, thanks, man.

We wish the best for you guys.

Thank you so much.

Love you all, man.

Cheers, bitch.

How about a cup of coffee?

Yeah.

It's the pizza.

Oh, hi.

Hi.

What happened?

You hung up on me?

What?

No, I didn't hang up on you.

you made an order for a pizza correct yes do you have your pizza yet no okay uh this is a delivery

order i understand we want it okay according to the computers uh the address that you're getting

a pizza from uh delivered to is we're going to be pizzas on the way already but the location

you're getting a pizza to is in a high risk area high risk delivery uh-huh you live in a bad

Not that I know of.

Well, it's a high-risk delivery area, so there's actually an extra deposit on that.

I think so.

I don't think so.

Well, we've already put a hold on the credit card.

It's a $30 deposit.

This will be released after the pizza is delivered to your home.

No, I don't want your pizza then.

You're out of your mind.

We've had it delivered here before, and they've never said anything like that to me before.

Well, we've had some issues with the people, you people, okay?

Us?

Yes, you people, you know what I mean by you people in this neighborhood where you live.

What do you mean, what does you people mean?

Well, for lack of a better term, white trash.

You're calling us white trash?

You little motherfucker, I'm going to be down at that store.

I don't know who you think you're talking to, but we have had pizza delivered here,

I don't know how many times, we just moved here.

And I don't know who you think you're, I want to talk to your, I want the manager right now.

Now, don't you dare talk to me like that.

I'm going to make sure you're never, you're never, I want to talk to the manager now.

No, I am the manager.

I'm the owner of the store.

You run that store and you talk to people like this.

You actually called us.

You can't deliver here because we're in a high risk.

No, listen, we can deliver.

God damn it.

We can deliver the pizza, but we're already placed.

I'm required to let you know that we place a deposit on your card, an extra hold, $30,

and it'll lift as soon as the pizza gets delivered.

We'll take it right out.

I don't want your pizza.

Well, it's already on the way.

And then, listen, listen to me.

Then the $30 deposit stays and the price of the pizza.

Say that again?

Then the $30 deposit stays.

This is exactly what happens in your neighborhood.

You white trash people, you order a pizza like a joke,

and then you tell our driver oh no we didn't order a pizza and then no we don't want the pizza and

then what happens pizza sits on the floor thirty dollars were taken out we're holding this for you

ma'am we're taking the we're going to keep the thirty dollars you have got we're sick and tired

i've had you guys come to the door and you were so nice you're being kind of rude what's with the

woman in the background there who's yelling that's that's and he's really upset right now

He said, well, let it tell him you cannot legally put a $30 deposit on my account without my permission.

It's already done.

You did it already.

Well, yeah, you accepted to the terms.

But as soon as that delivery driver leaves.

I didn't accept to no terms.

I had to make a $30 deposit to get pizza delivered to my home.

If you look at the back of your credit card, it says we can read the fine print on the back of the card that you put this purchase on and deposit.

read the fine print is the delivery right over there you are crazy well i'm it's lady what's

your problem you're gonna bounce a check or something you don't have enough money what's

the matter i just paid it over the guys we'll release it as soon as the driver gets back safely

from your bad neighborhood we'll release the hold you know sweetie who is this is miss bubba next

as like if you cater to like a picnic let you know that we place a deposit on your card an extra hold

hold $30, and it'll lift as soon as the pizza gets delivered.

We'll take it right out.

I don't want your pizza.

Well, it's already on the way.

And then, listen, listen to me.

Tell him.

You cannot legally put a $30 deposit on my account without my permission.

It's already done.

You did it already?

Well, you accepted to the terms, but as soon as that delivery driver leaves.

I didn't accept to no terms.

They didn't know that I had to make a $30 deposit to get pizza delivered to my home.

If you look at the back of your credit card, it says we can read the fine print on the back of the card that you put this purchase on and deposit.

Read the fine print.

Is the delivery driver there?

You are crazy.

Well, lady, what's your problem?

You're going to bounce a check or something?

You don't have enough money?

What's the matter?

I just paid it over the phone, guys.

We'll release it as soon as the driver gets back safely from your bad neighborhood, we'll release the hold.

We've had a bad history with the people that live at this address, and that's why I had to do this.

What?

You there?

Hello?

Hey, dude, I know, who is this?

What?

Who is this?

It plays the $30 charge.

Dude, we know that you guys are messing with someone over here.

We're going to call the cops on your ass.

You can't charge someone else's credit card.

Well, we had to put a deposit because it's a bad neighborhood.

There's no, I don't have any clues to what you're talking about.

That stuff doesn't go on it.

i worked there for 12 years oh this must be a misunderstanding then there better be a

misunderstanding dude you're going to jail you can't call people up and threaten them i didn't

threaten anybody i just told them about the 30 dollar news you are not my boss i work at that

you are not the boss there well i'm better freaking hang the phone up now or i'm calling

the police what's your hang up now what what hang up now did you receive the 30 dollar uh charge

oh my god

Ryan got the call

he commanded you to hang up the phone

7 Year Madhouse Anniversary Show Machine

Calls (44, 1 h 43 min of 3 h 13 min)

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