Indians Run The Country

That was embarrassing, mate.

That was embarrassing.

Why didn't you do anything?

That was embarrassing.

You had a chance to be a cool dude.

That was absolutely embarrassing.

Yeah, you could have been cool.

Fuck me, man.

Yeah.

Jesus Christ.

Indian, you know the Indian old man who's at work,

you fucking stupid ass is sitting on the sofa

and watch the football.

That's all you know, guys.

Fucking dumb American.

Well, I don't need a situation in the way of a prat like you.

You're a shit.

Now go away.

You're a stupid.

It's my number.

Leave me alone.

Now go away.

You're a stupid man.

You're a shithead.

You're a stupid man.

You're a stupid girl.

girl you know what time in the morning it is i'm not playing no fucking game i i fuck you

sons of a bitch you're out of your crazy mind you ain't getting no goddamn dollars i'll fuck you

oh my fuck you're my perfect why don't you piss off you're listening to the madhouse radio

prankcast hey stupid assholes let's hear it for the assholes tonight hey guys how you doing

Carlito here super mood I'm your host guy machine guy man man oh man oh god help me

uh welcome to man house radio for august the 2nd august the 2nd 2012 can't believe we're in august

already son of a bitch speaking of august I don't know where I'm going with that milkman's here

milkman milkman control man all right milkman hooray for milkman being here why is milkman

not talking let me check the sound over there and that side of the studio it is working you stupid

milkman asshole dumb shit try to call him back please enjoy the following music while your party

is being read don't get it milkman what's the problem milkman we started the show you're not

talking no couldn't you hear me no i heard nothing nothing at all oh well hell here i am

talking out loud i'm sorry no i said welcome back

It's so good to hear your voice, man.

I hope you had a great week.

And I just wanted to point out real quick to everybody, man,

Dan, I need to have one terrific show last week.

And if you missed it, I'll throw you in and out again.

Because we'll never release that show again.

That's why.

No.

That show is already edited.

It got posted last night to the podcast.

Milkman, you should get a copy of it.

You already have a copy.

You got an advance copy.

Milkman.

Oh, yeah.

That's right.

Mine's even autographed.

I mean, I better not say that.

No, you're talking about an autograph.

You can't autograph an MP3.

It's a digitally autographed version, you see.

God, man.

These are brains.

Ah, you did Corinthic last week.

How was your week this week, man?

It's been a good week.

How's everything going over there in the manor?

It hasn't been bad, thank you.

Things are getting where they are, I guess.

Big plans, pants to match.

You're sounding as dark as ever, man.

It's always good to hear your melodious tones, my friend.

Yeah, man.

Yeah, it sounds exciting.

Hey, you know, Milkman, me and you are talking in the back

where there might be a big Madhouse

secret event

in a month. A month from today.

I guess it hit. I don't know.

A month from today.

If it works out, I don't know.

I hope it does.

We shouldn't talk about it yet.

We shouldn't jinx it.

But I think it's going to be awesome.

Alright. Well, definitely

invite me.

I'll be glad if it appears to be great.

Looking forward to it.

What's going on with Dark Stranger? Why do you want to disconnect?

Dark Stranger? What's wrong, Dark Strangler?

What happened? Is there a technical

issue? I don't hear one. Sounds okay

to me. Anyway, folks, this is MadHouse

Radio, where we do prank calls and talk

and do stupid shit. I'm your host, Carlitos,

as I said already. That's your co-host, Milkman, as I

said already. You can send in your

prank call request all night over

at our website, MadHouseLive.com.

You're probably listening to us over there.

If not, you're probably listening to us in a

variety of other places as well, and we'll get to

that in just a moment.

worldwide at the moment

before I repeat to you and let you know where it is

that you're listening to us at

be sure to hit me up on AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger

if that's what you use

AOL Yahoo Instant Messenger users

Madhouse Radio

MSN Messenger users

Madhouse at live.com

I could use more followers on the Twitter feed

you know guys

not a lot of action on Twitter the last few months

but that's there

Madhouse on Twitter

M-A-D-H-O-U-S-E on Twitter

facebook page the links are over at the website madhouse live on facebook be sure to follow that

i always update when the show's going live when you're following but they're wearing man pants

exactly if you were following you would know that literally guys when i when i hit submit on that

on the on my podcasting software when i submit that that podcast episode within 60 seconds

the first thing i do is post it in facebook so if you know faster than your than your itunes

gets the update if you're watching the facebook if you've got us on facebook you're gonna know

that uh the madhouse prank cast just got updated you can go straight to it or know to you know

refresh your itunes and start downloading it right then um i always love it when i when i post uh

when i post a good episode like that because i get nothing the next day i get nothing but you

You know, emails and messages on Twitter and on the Gmail account and all this stuff.

And Facebook, people say, well, it was a good episode and thanks for updating and all that stuff.

It's always very exciting to hear from you guys.

And keep the feedback coming in.

I appreciate it.

Over at madhouselive.com, of course, be sure to send your prank call request using the Request a Prank form.

It's right there.

It's on every page.

Request-a-prank.

You'll see it there.

Easy to use form.

Fill in your information.

You can stay anonymous if you want.

just give us enough information give us something to work with and i will get to your prank call

so yeah milkman as you said we had a great episode last week and let's hopefully continue it this

week um i'm not planning on having any special guests but then i was thinking we should have

had jen stewart on this week but he's probably a bit he got eliminated um i was watching the

olympics i don't know if you saw milkman but i was watching the archery online over the over the

weekend and uh on monday i was watching on nbcolympics.com the live coverage of the olympics

And Team England, the Great Britain team in archery did not fare well, including Jim Stewart.

I believe he still has one event left, maybe.

But he's not finally eliminated yet.

He's still got any more rounds to go.

I think they're out of medal contention right now.

I think there's something.

I don't understand the art of archery that well.

But still, he told me himself.

He spoke to me privately.

He said it was just an honor to walk out during the Parade of Nations last Friday.

uh in front of his home i mean he like he said himself he lives 15 minutes away from

uh where that was you know where that went down that stadium yeah you know he's within walking

he didn't have the torch he went out there i didn't see him on the video of the parade of

nations i saw him in the archery event of course but i didn't see him in the parade of nations

thing i tried i looked out for him but they didn't show very good i got to see it live everyone was

was like oh you can't see it live you can't see it live and i was watching it just fine on my

pirated stream i saw a canadian channel uh was being pirated online you can watch the the olympics

opening ceremony live because it's recorded here in america they're playing it like eight hours

later or whatever and dude here's here's something milkman i was watching i was watching this

pirated stream from canada right i think it was ctv i don't know canada tv um and whatever and

And they go to a commercial, and we've got a lot of Canadian listeners here and watchers.

They go to a commercial, and it's like this anti-American fucking thing.

It's like, yeah, the Battle of 1812, these asshole Americans tried to destroy Canada before it even existed,

and we kicked their fucking ass.

It's like, what? What the fuck?

It's like, you know, learn more at 1812 Canada.

The battle, the War of 1812, right?

Right, and here in America, they barely teach you about the War of 1812.

I barely heard about it in school at all.

I think it got barely mentioned in high school in the summer.

It was like in the back, in my senior year, I mean to say, in high school, in history,

they kind of mentioned it at the back of the book.

It wasn't until college and, you know, me doing my own research and internet stuff that I found out.

You know, I'm like, okay, but they tell us, like, the War of 1812, like, basically it's like,

Like, well, the British were assholes, and they were fucking up our ships,

and they were capturing Americans on sea, and then we started kicking their ass,

and then they burned down Washington, D.C., and then something happened, and it was over.

That's what they teach us.

Well, the Canadians are like, yeah, we kicked the Americans.

The Americans invaded Canada, and we kicked their ass.

They're like, what the fuck?

I didn't ever hear about it.

I never heard about that.

I didn't know.

Did we invade Canada?

What?

They beat you to death with beaver tail hats.

I don't know.

That's what they say.

The whole thing is like, you know, in 1812, the Americans invaded Canada

and tried to destroy us before we even formed.

I was like, jeez.

Man, I'm telling you.

Well, that's the militia for you, my brother.

Then I went to the website.

The website, I mean, it was just real.

I mean, it's on YouTube if you go.

I don't know what it is.

It's like a Canada 1812 commercial.

It's awesome.

Like, I don't know.

It's got, like, these French guys in it and all this shit.

Oh, boy.

Boy, we've got to commission a report on the true Battle of 1812.

I want to know what the truth is.

Have I been lied to, or are the Canadians being lied to?

Because as far as I understood, it was about the British burning down Washington, D.C.,

and boarding our ships, and we kicked their ass.

And now the Canadians are saying it's an American invaded Canada, and they kicked our ass.

I don't get it.

Okay, I don't remember anything about that one.

I don't remember that one either.

Yeah, it kind of sounds like a little bit of the town, maybe.

Great white and orange stuff.

Great fucking...

Oh, you Canadians.

Over, take off!

Anyway, let's see what we got here.

Enigma says, just a heads up, I misspelled anniversary in the title of the archive page of shows.

God damn it.

Fuck.

I misspelled...

Yeah, I spelled it anniversary.

Hey, thanks, Enigma.

You get a gold star for that one.

Look at that.

I didn't even know.

That's my half-blind ass figure.

I didn't catch that.

very very good so apparently right now the podcast is out there and it says

matt seven year madhouse and a vervary show machine all right i feel like an asshole now

that's what thanks and a vervary all right well we're still waiting for uh uh lonesome loser to

show up with some requests uh well some numbers uh he hasn't uh hooked us up yet but let me go

ahead and take a look at the request of pranks we're ham and eggs uh i'm not a big fan of ham

ham warm ham to be honest with you unless it's like uh you know the big piece of ham you know

with the bone circle bone in the middle that's the only those are awesome man a shank or a butt ham

yeah ass ham ass ham yeah man but i don't i don't like um like when people like take that

shaved ham or just a slice of ham and warm it up with breakfast i don't like that shit you know

you have to have eggs if you do that you have to have eggs i don't like it gets it gets i don't

like that i don't like the combination of scrambled eggs and small little pieces of warm

fried eggs have some fried eggs what i don't know i don't know man similar to bacon i would rather

just have the bacon to be honest with you you know if you're gonna if you're gonna have the

swine go all out have the bacon man get get that bacon bacon's on a roll now anyway i don't know

if you've noticed bacon's everyone's bacon bacon this bacon that bacon bacon industries oh yeah

Yeah, I love those dog commercials they put on.

You know, they're talking about bacon, bacon.

Yeah, this stupid fucking dog wasn't baking the whole time.

Stupid dog.

All right, look, anyway, ham and eggs, enough of that.

I don't know how long a steak sport comes out.

You're cool, ham and eggs.

I also wanted to, real quick, I see AMD just joined us.

AMD, I kind of ignored him when I was editing the podcast last week.

I kind of ignored him when he was on Skype last week, and I feel bad.

AMD, if you want to call in and hang out with us, do so, and do some pranks,

because you kept saying i want to do a prank and i had zola on and i wouldn't you know then i had

jen on and the next thing i know amd dropped off and i hope he's not pissed off amd we love you man

uh if you're free give a call call in join us on skype tonight be an honor i'd love to have you

we'll call you jen stewart because you all sound the same um all right prank premise here this guy

is addicted to buying junk on ebay i should call him and say i'm from ebay and there's been some

suspicious purchases made on his account such as a led water faucet you don't want to get one of

those have you seen those milkman the water faucets that have the leds in them those look

fucking cool what is it they flash colors or no they're a steady led like you get blue green red

pink whatever you want and when you turn when you turn the water on the led comes on and the water

picks up all the color from the led it looks really really cool stream yeah yeah it looks

really cool yeah well i think i i do it with the uh with the shower head they've got the shower

heads that are leds so you take a shower and it's blue you know and it's like and then i'll i'll

pretend you know what i'll pretend it is milkman i'll pretend it's the um you know the porta potty

You know how it's got blue water in it?

I would pretend that's what I'm showering with, and I'd jack off.

Good job.

Too close, Tishley.

All right.

Anyway.

So make up that he got LED water faucets and little magnetic balls and a ton of crappy movies.

And pronounce his name like Kweefer instead of Kiefer.

His name is Kiefer Ness.

Should be funny if he answers.

Okay, well, let's hope he answers.

If not, you're ham and eggs.

You're banned.

You're going to get the ghost click and be completely banned.

No, I'm kidding.

uh i can remember how to work this there we go yes hi is this kweefer kines kweif keifer

kine uh keifer net keifer okay hi sir keifer hi uh this is cross i'm calling from ebay incorporated

i was calling regarding your your account seems to be uh unquestionable some suspicious purchases

here made recently we were calling just to make sure that there isn't any problem where your

Your account has been infiltrated or accessed without your permission.

This is the phone number we had listed on your eBay account, and you said you're Kiefer.

I've got here on your account an LED water faucet.

No, that might be on my PayPal account, but not my eBay account.

Yeah, it's a lead water faucet.

Yeah, from ChinaBuy or whatever.com.

Yeah, and there's these little magnetic balls, like these things, like they're for your, I guess they're for testicles, like some kind of health product, magnetic for like a prostate thing here, it says.

No, I don't think that's mine.

Little magnetic balls, they look like?

No.

Okay, that's not yours, so we've got your accounts been infiltrated.

There's a bunch of bad movies here also.

We've got Battlefield Earth is on here.

Nope.

Freddy got fingered?

No.

Batman and Robin?

No.

Water World?

Nope.

Oh, boy.

When was the last time you bought?

What was the last thing you bought?

A fan.

A fan?

Yeah.

Was it an electric fan for your computer, or what was it?

What does it do?

It's a floating air fan.

What does it do?

What does the fan do?

Yeah, what does the fan do?

What's it for?

What's it do?

Blow the air.

For what?

Why?

Why does it blow air?

Yeah, why?

Why?

Why the fan?

Summer.

and there's not other other things you can do let me hang up no why'd you hang up did you just try

to hang up no should i turn off your account or i don't understand no you're good all right but

why why the fan and why uh water faucet like that what's that about keifer yeah you know what it

would have helped out if i had his account you know like his uh account name ebay i don't like

ebay man he's not gonna pick up no answer yeah man um look man do you ever buy an ebay like i

I got tired of eBay because all it would give

was broken shit and crap off of eBay

every time. I was finally like, fuck this

shit, you know? I get shit late.

I get shit late.

Like, a few times things didn't show up

and then sometimes I get stuff. Like, I remember

I bought, like, a Bluetooth headset back

in the day. Like, maybe, like, in 2006.

I bought a Bluetooth headset.

It came and was broken. It was

refurbished and it never said it was refurbished.

And I got pissed off and I told the guy,

hey, I

I tracked, I used Google, and I got Lonesome Loser to help me out,

and I tracked down his address and his cell phone number and all this shit,

and I called him on his cell phone, and he got all scared.

He was like, how'd you get my cell phone?

And I was like, man.

And he said, oh, I'm going to make this right.

And he sent me, like, another piece of shit Bluetooth headset

that was, like, refurbished.

Ah, I forgot.

He sent me a broken headset, and I complained,

and then he sent me a refurbished one,

and it was all crappy, and it worked for, like, a month,

and it broke down.

i don't know i mean i got like another bluetooth headset it never showed up and i had it it took

like two months for paypal to return the money they got i got a bunch of stuff from there like

it was all fucked up and broken i was finally like you know what this sucks man yeah ebay ebay

or amazon it's just really not amazon i love dude amazon i order off amazon at least once a week

at least once a week i always have a little bit more on shipping and general their price man but

I'm always too good on eBay, man, but I found the trick is, is to really read on there about

the condition, all, you know, and the information, and if you got any questions, you know, you

can't see it in the picture, you can always write that person, if they won't let you write

it, or they don't offer any warranty or anything, then I usually am pretty suspicious of those,

I'm not gonna pay very much.

I don't know, with the eBay, with the eBay thing, like, go there, and like, there's

a bunch of, like, there's a ton of fake comments and stuff, all the time, like, you can tell,

it's like bots and stuff that made all these stupid comments like there's there'll be like a

bunch of auctions that were won for like 10 cents and the person and it's like a generic comment that

gets left and it's like tons and tons of them i just don't understand what you know they haven't

i amazon no problem the amazon is reliable and the prices are good and i got amazon prime milkman

right so like i was thinking i was i was gonna get like a sam's club membership or something

then you know or costco was trying to think what am i going to do and i said you know what

yeah yeah we got them around and i said you know what i'm going to do instead i'm going to get

amazon prime amazon prime i think it's i think it was like 70 bucks for a year right well here's

what the you know what that gave me is 70 a year on on all the on all the prime amazon prime

eligible merchants free two-day shipping man free two-day shipping and i usually get i usually get

it in one day not the two days i usually get it the next day if i put my order in before in the

morning before noon i get that fucking item the next day for free and the and the prices are like

the same that i pay at any of the big places like walmart because i have amazon has buying power now

you know they're they're getting the cheaper prices they're they're comparable they're the

same and sometimes they're actually a little cheaper like on a lot of the stuff yeah i always

check them both whenever i'm looking i type it in you know buy and i type in either way and see what

comes up those are going to be your first two landmarks right there and there's no taxes there's

no taxes on them either um but that's changing by the way oh yeah mike you want to listen they

ask you your address and that's they ask you that whenever you're doing your card well here's here's

the thing the whole thing and that's changing but with the taxes yeah depending on your address some

of the states say you're supposed to at the end of the year on your taxes on your tax return you're

supposed to put down that you you know that you did that hey fuck you the rock 69 on syndicate

you know when you go fuck yourself who cares shut the fuck up when you fuck yourself like that

asshole what up man i have to break bad on this on this car come in the chat room who cares shut

the fuck up you go fuck yourself you fucking new york piece of shit fucking guinea watt bastard

fucking asshole god damn anyway so with the taxes you know depending on the say some of them they

they charge you outright some of them you're supposed to report it but that's changing

apparently what's going to happen now is amazon is changing in the next few months to they said

by christmas they're going to be completely over to it um the standard is going to be two day

shipping for free for everybody and you can pay for same day shipping right no no bullshit next

day shipping is going to be the standard that's what it is next day shipping standard same day

shipping uh at a premium cost and um they're going to open the distribution centers uh basically

like all over in the like in every metropolitan area they're going to have a one of those

distribution centers right now they only have them in like pennsylvania and alabama and places where

they've made deals where they don't have to worry about the taxes and stuff yeah they're moving it's

And it's going to kill – like Walmart apparently is in danger.

Their analysts are saying Walmart could be in trouble because now you're going to have people – you're going to have Amazon providing stuff at the same prices that Walmart does.

And you don't even have to leave your house.

And not only that, you can – if you pay a little bit, you can get it the same fucking day.

They're going to do their own delivery.

And if not, they'll send it next day with their service.

You'll get it the next day for free.

And I'd rather do that.

yeah and you know instead of having to go to walmart milkman you know what it's like to go

to walmart's dirty there's a ton of people in there you know it's huge you gotta do all this

fucking walking like if you go to walmart milkman let's say you need armor all for your car right

and you need a gallon of milk you got to go from one end of walmart to the other um and it's i

mean that's if you're like a low on time if you're just stopping in after work or something that's

a fucking lot of time and not only that at least over here every time you go to walmart

they got like the lines are like five six seven people deep and they only got they got and they

don't want to bear yeah like the four ones yeah they got the ones with the food yeah the super

centers yeah and they don't open any fuck they don't open anything you know you know a bunch of

dirty people walking around and shit people fighting and stuff uh it's the parking's always

horrendous in these places the fine parking is impossible it's really hard to get in and out of

of the parking lots and stuff all the time

because the local cities are like,

yeah, well, you can put a Walmart in here,

but we're not going to let you take left turns

out of the parking lot, you know,

if you don't want to mess up the traffic floor around here.

So they make it impossible to enter

and leave the fucking place.

I would rather wait a day.

I'd rather sit on my ass at home or at work

and go through my grocery list

and all my lists of stuff that I want

and order it and get it delivered to my house the next day.

Fuck.

Why not, Milkman?

And you know what I do?

Oh, man, I agree, man.

Man, if you can avoid all the people and all the bullshit and find it, I mean, I'm sorry, but, man, you know, you really, you know, you've got to give good deals, if not.

Yeah, yeah.

So, you know, and the other thing is Android has an app.

I'm sure iPhone has it, too, where all you do is you can scan the barcode of what you're looking at in the store, and you can find out if it's cheaper.

Oh, yeah, compared to the other one.

Yeah, it's almost like a GasBuddy thing.

Somebody enters a price, and then they enter the next price.

Right, right.

And that's really convenient.

That's really cool.

Hey, we should do prank calls.

Let me see what else we got here.

What's wrong there?

Oh, Ken's waiting on a fantasy football invite.

Did I not send you one?

I could have sworn.

Oh, you're right, Ken.

You're right, Ken.

I didn't send you one.

I'm sorry.

Milkman, you haven't joined yet.

What happened?

Why haven't you joined the fantasy football yet?

I sent you one.

I was going to do it, and then I was looking for it,

and I never did get the actual address or find out where it's at.

if it's in the email or where.

I sent you the second invite today, as a matter of fact.

Well, then I haven't seen it then, because I haven't looked it up.

Second invites went out today.

Um, yeah, I mean, whatever.

Uh, someone else, Richie's saying that I, that he didn't get an invite.

Richie, I've sent you two invites already.

Um, unless you gave me the wrong email address.

I don't know.

And there's someone, I think Aaron said, Aaron, Dirty Aaron, if you're listening right now,

you're another one that's saying that I haven't sent you an invite, but I, I got in the system

that I sent you an invite.

I don't know.

I guess Andy's not going to do the, um, the fantasy football this year.

um and i can and actually i'm concerned that um some of you uh are joining up and you're not

gonna keep playing i'm gonna be really pissed off you know if you guys need to join up and you and

you fuck around for a week and don't do anything that's gonna be bullshit you know all right bobby

sending in a message here about a phone uh he wants us to call i think all right carlito please

call and fuck with this guy named sean he's a real piece of shit and needs it he knows he keeps

Keep selling tobacco to minors.

What an ass.

And charge them to smoke off of a hookup.

Okay.

No big deal.

Give me the phone number.

Please act like you're the authorities.

And he's...

I can't act like I'm the authorities, Bobby.

That's a no-no.

I can do something else.

I can act like a parent, Bobby.

But I don't want to call us the authorities, you know.

We don't do that.

That's one of the things.

We have a small list of rules that we don't do.

And that's one of them.

Because we don't want to, you know...

That's kind of a felony.

That's not a good idea.

Lesson with law enforcement agencies.

Yeah, but I'll call.

Somebody's health or anything with children or anything like that or sexually.

You've got to be careful on those.

Right, right, right.

All right, so listen, the IOC hotel.

Bobby, I got you down.

I'm going to call, but I'm not going to call as a third.

I'm going to call as a parent, okay?

A concerned parent.

Deal?

Deal.

We're good there.

All right, so Nunu's sending in a number.

Now, Zolar called these after our show last week.

he was calling the hotel that the ioc the international olympic committee is using

it's a hilton on park lane over there in london and apparently it's really easy to get around in

the rooms if someone doesn't answer in one room uh you can get over to the next one nunu let me

know what's the room like do you know of a room number that or the room number format are they

three digit numbers are they four digit numbers are they two digit numbers let me know nunu before

Before I do that, I'm presuming three digit numbers, but you never know.

Let me know, Nunu.

Before I do that, because I don't want to call and be like, I want room number 112.

And they say, we don't have a 112.

And then I look like an asshole.

So Nunu, help me out with some intel there.

But I will get to that also.

Thank you.

Thank you, sir.

Let's check request a prank, see what else is going on over there.

Got a number for Thomas.

Thomas, he wants to be a computer hacker.

He doesn't know anything.

He used to hump tables.

Uh-huh.

And unsuspecting women in high school.

He goes to college now, and he's black.

Okay.

He used to hump tables.

All right.

Let's see.

He used to hump tables.

Placing, like, spaces?

I guess.

A hump of spaces.

Humping tables.

Right.

Have reached the voicemail box of...

Oh, man.

No answer there.

And he says he's humped tables.

Mikey1299, fuck the ottoman.

All right.

Okay.

Bababooey, where do we request a prank?

Request a prank right on the website, sir.

there's a big link right in front of you probably it says request a prank there you go start there

click that and get started self-explanatory from there you'll get it my friend you can figure it

out i'm like my cigar here uh don't worry i'll try them again in a little bit there uh the wizard

oh quick question two weeks ago when i didn't do the show but i was hanging out in the chat room i

didn't have any voice that night some people said that there's an issue with the um the widgets on

on the front page of madhouse live.com where they don't show anything they just say cannot be shown

or no info no data to the display is anyone else getting that if you go to madhouse live.com the

main page do you get a do you get blank widgets or errors on the widgets or do they come up with

the twitter the feed and all that stuff you know tell me let me know i'm running out of butane in

my water all right jill wants us to play the mix-up uh do i have that loaded up hang on we're moving

moving slow tonight you know because i don't have a lot of numbers to do right now and you know what

i should do like kdk i should be a kdk and just play punk music all night when i don't have when

i'm not making fun of you i'm not making fun of you kdk i'm having fun with you if you're listening

i don't hate you sir he was you know what i really let down man i was on my way home i went

to visit a friend last week and i left early because i was like i want to hear kdk and i get

of my galaxy s3 and i i open up stream furious and i i load up kdk show and he's talking about

killing himself again all the stuff like man come on man i just want to hear a show dude did he kill

himself guys let me know what happened at the end of kdk's episode last week last week on kdk's

fridget he ended up did he end up killing himself i didn't catch the whole thing not that i'm making

fun of people killing themselves but jesus christ sir give me a second i'm trying to get this

fucking song here it's not it well i got the mix up but it might be all duplicated and stuff i

don't know we'll roll with it if you hear a song twice in a row you have to deal with it guys sorry

the mix up by the beastie boys one of my favorite beastie boy albums and one of the least talked

about all right we got another request to prank let's see what that is uk godfather whose numbers

never pick up and sent in a number for terria terria or theresa i'm not sure this is the united

United Kingdom, let's see what happens.

UK Godfather, seriously, I don't think any of your numbers have picked up in like a month.

In the last four shows, with the exception of hospitals,

which do nothing but piss off the rest of the listeners in the chat room.

But we'll try Teresa for you, sir.

See what I mean, Milkman? No answer.

Yeah, hey, how you doing? Hello?

Yeah, is Taria there?

Who's this?

This is Cross. Is Taria there?

Yeah, who's this?

This is Cross. How you doing?

Cross?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's funny. My name's Chris.

Chris Cross, get it?

No.

You American wanker?

I'm looking for Thierry A.

Yeah, man.

Yo, what kind of name is that?

I don't know.

You tell me.

Is it like Teresa with no S?

Huh?

Is it like Teresa with no S?

Huh?

Is it like Teresa with no S?

Or did my friend, like, type it wrong here when he gave it to me?

Stop trying to mock me, you stupid shit.

Answer the fucking question.

Answer the fucking question, you dumb shit.

Where are you?

You're in Bristol.

I don't care where I am.

Listen, answer the fucking question, you stupid shit.

Here I am.

This is rude.

I'll tell you what, kid.

I don't care.

Shut the fuck up.

Where are you in?

Washington, D.C.

There you go.

Are you happy?

That's kind of sad.

There you go.

Okay.

First of all, first of all, first of all, first of all, first of all, first of all,

if you were in a different fucking continent, let alone a different country.

Do you speak English?

I don't understand what you're saying.

I will fuck your mom.

I will literally fuck your mom.

Teresa, what's the matter?

Why are you so angry?

What's your name?

This is Cross, and you're Teresa, right?

My name's Teresa.

Uh-huh.

You're an idiot.

Well, your name is Teresa.

It's like a girl's name.

No, you dickhead.

You just said my name is Teresa.

I said no.

You're an idiot.

Well, you said when I first called.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

When I first called.

Shut up.

Shut up, stupid monkey.

You're an idiot.

Stupid horse monkey.

Listen, when I first called in, I asked if you were Terea, and you're like, yeah, yeah,

what's your name?

Terea.

Teresa, yeah.

Because Teresa is Terea.

Teresa, yeah.

That's a girl's name.

Listen, right, kid?

I'll tell you what.

It's a girl's name.

You got a girl's name, dude.

What's wrong?

Why you got a girl's name?

No, you're an idiot.

Why does your mom hate you?

Because she got raped and then you came out?

Is that why?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'll tell you why.

That's what it was?

You're a prick.

Tell me, um, what area...

Washington, D.C.

God, you're stupid.

Am I stupid?

You're the one...

No, I said God, you're...

I said...

Hey.

Fuck you, you cunt.

Don't fuck.

I said God, you're stupid.

Fuck you.

If I see you, I will fucking stab you.

Look closer in your phone and you'll see me, Teresa.

I will eventually fuck off, mate.

Okay.

Well, you're backing out now.

You are a girl.

You want to fuck me.

You're backing out.

You're a girl.

You want to fuck me.

You're backing out.

Uh-huh.

You're backing out.

Yeah, okay.

You're backing out.

Come at me, bro.

Come at me.

You're backing out.

Come at me, bro.

You're backing out.

You should record this.

Uh-huh.

And then just be like, ooh, this is when a prank all goes wrong, isn't it?

I should record this and go, ooh, this is a prank call that's gone wrong.

Exactly.

Like that?

That's what you think I should do?

Yeah.

And that would help out how?

Exactly.

How would that help out the situation?

It would help you to not be such a cuckoo.

How would that help out the situation, stupid?

Seriously, how would that help out the situation?

I'm a cuckoo.

Okay, I'm a cuckoo.

I'm a cuckoo.

Listen, right.

That's the one they talk, right?

You're not in Washington, D.C.

You're somewhere in Bristol.

Okay.

Come where you are and we can meet.

Okay, I'm in Bristol.

You're right.

Brilliant.

My name is UK Godfather.

Then don't ask what your name was.

Whatever you're in Bristol, Ian.

Huh?

Oh, where in Bristol?

Yeah.

Penny...

Because, because, because, shut up, right?

Because, because, because...

I can 1471 this and find the way your number is.

Because, because, because.

Yes.

I can 1471 this and see where your number is.

Because, because, because.

If it's sharp, if it's the same area, it goes.

Because, because.

Then I'll find out if you're in Bristol.

Because.

Teresa, you don't even have the proper buttons to know how to use a phone.

If you're a girl.

Okay, what else?

Fuck your dad's dick.

Fuck your granddad's dick as well.

Get into a break with your dad.

Uh-huh.

All right.

So can you tell me again why your mother named you after a girl when you were a boy?

Niall.

Does she want a boy?

Does she dress you in women's clothes, like girls' clothes when you were growing up?

Yeah, it was weird.

Like when I was younger, I had a nappy with a skirt on.

That's what's up.

That's why you want to fuck me, like you said.

That's why you want to fuck me.

That's what's up.

What's up?

Okay, all right.

What is your actual point of ringing this phone?

My friend told me to give you a call.

Who's your friend?

My friend's UK godfather.

UK godfather.

Uh-huh.

Grow up, mate.

Well.

Grow up.

Okay, Teresa.

Grow up.

All right.

All right, Teresa.

See you later.

Bye.

See you.

Bye.

Hang up.

See you later, man.

I command you to hang up.

Bye.

The man is telling you to hang up.

See you later, man.

I'm a man and you're a woman.

See you later.

Oh, right, right, right.

See you later, man.

man.

What?

See you later,

man.

What?

Bye.

Huh?

Bye.

Huh?

What?

Huh?

Teresa,

why don't you

hang up?

Why don't you

not hang up?

Just listen for a

little bit,

all right?

Just don't go

anywhere.

Just stay there

for a little while.

Just stay there

for a little bit.

Don't go anywhere.

Okay,

you sound like a

fucking monkey.

You're so fucking

stupid.

You sound like a

fucking monkey.

Okay,

all right.

All right,

fucking maniac.

All right,

maniac.

Bye-bye, bye-bye.

Bye.

Go.

Bye.

You can go if you want.

I don't care.

See you later.

Bye-bye.

See you later.

I'm calling your mom.

Angelo.

Yeah, this is Angelo's?

Yep.

Listen, I got your driver over here.

He's a fucking twat.

He's yelling at me, making noises on the phone.

This is going to cost you so much.

You're just a cunt.

Yeah, you see what he's saying?

Hello?

Yeah, is this Angelo?

This is Angelo.

Yeah, I got your driver over here.

He's calling me bad words and saying shit to me.

What's going on?

He's calling you bad words and things.

Why is he doing that?

Yeah, Torea.

What's that?

Torea.

That's his name.

He's like Teresa, but he's a boy.

My driver's Teresa?

Yeah.

What does he look like?

He's like some stupid, chavvy, British cunt with broken teeth.

That's not our guy, then.

Well, he says this for you guys, and he brought your pizza here.

I didn't even order a pizza.

You didn't order pizza, but he gave you pizza, and he's swearing at you.

Yeah, he's got a box.

He came with one of your boxes and all this stuff.

I don't even think there's pizza in the box.

What address are you at?

I'm at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

1600 Pennsylvania?

Yeah.

Is this in Auburn?

Yeah.

No, we don't have, I'm sorry, we don't have, there is no 1600 Pennsylvania.

Yeah, there's a new one because of the 9-1-1 redistricting, the new election.

All right, have a good evening.

You stupid shit.

Teresa, that was your chance.

That was embarrassing, mate.

What did you do anything?

That was embarrassing.

You had a chance to be a cool dude.

That was absolutely embarrassing.

Yeah, you could have been cool.

Fuck me, man.

Because I gave you a fucking setup and you sandbagged me.

I gave you a setup and you sandbagged me, you stupid shit.

You suck.

I gave you a perfect setup.

You fucking suck.

I gave you the perfect setup.

You're like, ooh, loser.

You just owned yourself, you little fucking pussy.

You fucking twat.

Don't suck off your dad, you prick.

What an asshole.

What a serious asshole you sandbagged me, man.

You having fun?

You having fun there, buddy?

Yeah, you were embarrassing me.

You were laughing.

love all right cool well hang on i'm gonna do another one all right god you have reached the

voicemail box of hey theresa theresa theresa's there still he's just not talking now theresa

all right let's call uk godfather see if he tells us what this is about you think milkman you think

it's uk godfather it's on the line milkman what do you think it's uk godfather was that him i don't

know i was asking you what you think oh that wasn't him you don't think well he's been on here before

right he's still connected teresa hanging up on you it's over in the background i'm not saying

anything let me try him again i left him with a perfect setup to do something funny and then he

says i suck what an asshole how did you get that number uk godfather sent the number and actually

worked for once for a change so and i was about to actually hang up on it and now it's busy

the guy sounded like a real wanker he kind of reminded me kind of reminded me of amd and stuff

What kind of name is Torea?

I thought it was a typo the whole time.

The whole time.

Alas, it was not.

All right, I give up on syndicate.

Stickham sucks, and the people of syndicate are assholes.

Every time, that's exactly what happens with those damn people.

No answer from Teresa.

Back to the mix-up over here, and we'll continue the show.

Oh, man.

Another request to print.

Bobaboy wants us to call the pizza place again

with a different voice and a different story.

oh andy you sent me a number but it's on my phone andy when you get a chance to resend me that uh

white trash girl phone number that you had uh with the facebook page if you got it because i

don't have it on me now please thank you hey jen stewart how you doing oh man jen's here jen

stewart jen stewart's here yeah i'm not jay it's good hey andy hey andy how you doing man hello

hello was that either we're just talking to you or you were you teresa teresa no that wasn't me

Okay.

All right, cool.

I'm just messing with you guys.

All right, we got a Facebook post here.

Looks like he's a plumber, and he posted his phone number 17 minutes ago.

Anyone with a driver's license looking for work, call me and give the number.

This number's for Bill in Ohio.

Milkman, you know, you've got a driver's license.

Milkman, you know, you need a job.

What's going on?

This is in Ohio.

You've got connections in Ohio.

You should try that.

Good job for you, Milkman.

What's the position I'm recommended for?

uh it says anyone with a driver's license looking for work for billy and he looks like a plumber

drain cleaning for 99 they see milkman you could drive milkman you could drive and you

you clean this shit out of the toilet milkman come on this is a good work it's good work for

you man with the mexicans dig out their eyes talking about shitting in the toilet hello

hello billy this is billy billy billy billy yeah this is billy hey i just saw your post anybody

with a driver's license looking for a job machine yeah i'm looking for a job this is cross yeah well

i used to work in plumbing i used to work in the union in chicago illinois in the union for pipe

fitters i used to work on toilet machines and everything and i have a driver's license i have

have a cdl all right i used to drive a humvee during peacetime before the wars and all that

but i used to drive a humvee also in the service i'm a veteran are you a plumber or what do you do

exactly you're a master plumber all right so you do drain cleaning for 99 and you clean the

shit out of the toilets and everything all right do you have a snake you put a snake in the in the

toilet and it cleans out the feces and shit and doo-doo and all that inside there uh-huh uh-huh

oh i'm in i'm in cincinnati all right so the thing see what i like to do is like i use my

android phone i have this android phone machine and i on youtube i'll put in like how to clean

the shit out of the toilet how to fix the shit in the toilet i took a shit in the toilet like that

and there's a there'll always be a video and someone shows this is how you open the toilet

and you unscrew this and you put your fingers and move the shit out and all that and then that's

That's how I learned how to fix the toilet.

So I think I can go to these houses, and they'll tell me what they did to the toilet.

Like, oh, my kid put a rubber ball in the toilet.

So then I'll go on my Android phone, and I'll put how to fix rubber ball in toilet.

And the YouTube video, the guy, the YouTube man tells me how to do it.

And you can, I don't know if you knew, but you can actually pause the videos and everything and rewind and things.

and you can go back to the beginning if you miss a part and everything it's really cool man

there's you they got everything on youtube on there they have dr dre uh uh rapping on there

and then i was mike tyson fight i was watching the other day when he fought leon spinks it's

awesome it's youtube have you ever seen that you it's um let me get it here hang on it's why

why why why oh it's a new website i just it's a new internet site you but it's it's spelled out

y-o-u is not the letter u and then tube is t-u-b-o no hang on t-u-b-e i think it is or i-e

y-o-u tube t-u-b-e and then you can go there you put it they got everything everything on there

I'm 42.

I used to be in the service.

I was in Germany.

I was stationed in Germany, yeah, in East Germany.

Well, I can give you a job, man.

It's all trees.

That's what I do.

You put trees in the toilet?

I thought you were a plumber.

I was like, there's trees in the toilet?

In the toilet.

CDL.

What I was doing as I studied on YouTube, I went to this site, YouTube,

and I put down how to get driver's license, YouTube, CDL,

and the guy tells you all the steps and everything and how to do it.

well they sent it to me they sent me a certificate on the internet from canada that says you know cdl

equivalent uh license yeah it's uh united united it says here hang on let me look it says it got

it's on youtube it's legitimate all right it says united nations issued commercial driver's license

it says here yeah it says here yep well that's great yeah because i got a dump truck and there's

something it says please return in it says please return in it says please return invoice with

payment indicating the 10 digit document numbers you are paying it says here and uh it's yeah i do

it says international business licensing machines it says peel box 3 2 1 9 vancouver canada um it

It says, please remit your payment to International Business Licensing Machines.

And it says, open item list as of 7-19-2012.

Right there.

I have the license and everything.

With YouTube and everything?

Yeah.

Did you want my email account?

Wait a minute.

What did you ask if I had a good night?

What's that?

What was that?

Hello?

Nothing.

Gone.

Anyway, he sounds like he still wants to hire me, Milkman.

You see?

You could have gotten that job.

you're not that retarded

damn I

I'm gonna have to

take over for you man

you're getting me good

you're getting me

a good recommendation

hey sorry about that

there was my scanner

going off in the background

AMD and your scanner

AMD right?

yeah it's AMD

oh shit

welcome back bro

I didn't have

a real year

no he chose

Jim Starrett

I was like no way

I was gonna read it

he's like YouTube

yeah I heard about it

but no I thought

I turned my scanner off

I thought I turned

everything off

and it just fucking

went off in the background

it was like they're the pubs in torquay so sorry about that but that was a tribute to my mom rest

her rest her soul uh she like in 2008 she comes over to me and my wife's house and she's like

carlito carlos i found this website on the computer at work you should check it out like

what is it mom's like it's called youtube i'm like really oh tell me about this mom's like oh

oh, there's so much on YouTube.

You can see everything.

I'm like, thanks, Mom.

That's really nice.

Athena's in the background cracking up.

It's like, God bless her.

She didn't know.

She was all excited.

She's like, I wrote it down.

Hang on.

She goes in her purse.

I'm like, oh, this must be some website.

She's got it written down on a sticky note in her purse.

She used to carry everything but the kitchen sink into her purse.

I swear to God.

Like, ten minutes later, she's like, I know what's in here somewhere.

Hang on.

He's pulling out gum wrappers and all this shit.

Fucking gum.

Napkins.

He's pulling, like, Blockbuster video cards and stuff.

And she finally says, oh, here it is.

Here it is.

and she said it's spelled out the why oh yeah like i mom i kind of i have heard of

youtube about five years ago she's like mom just to let you i remember telling her like mom just

to let you know at work me and the guys at work we spend like 90 of our time watching shit on

on youtube but thank you mom i love you oh bless her i miss her miss her sometimes man

you gotta love her man what can you do god anyway dark stranger says i should have sent her the red

tube hey mom you stray porn tube oh okay i'll try this you write it down your sticky note

take it to work oh mom anyway let's see what else we got here lonesome's in the house that's good

We've got some Lonesome Loser numbers.

And a Lonesome Loser.

Mikey's Pizza.

Mikey's Video for Less.

Three Cheeky Monkeys.

Hey.

And Chutney's Cuisine of India.

Good deal, good deal.

Thank you, Lonesome.

Keep them coming, sir.

And you out there, keep sending in your request of pranks.

Including one from Jave or Jave or Javie.

I don't know.

Something like that.

Got a number for managers are Joey and Allie.

There's a shit ton of smoking weed and drinking at this restaurant.

The managers only take a drug test when they get promoted

The GM is Joey

Assistant manager, Allie

The area manager is Aaron

And the top dog is Kelly

I think he owns the franchise

One of us is in deep trouble

Seriously? Is that your premise?

Or is that for real?

Javi, tell me

Is that what's up?

Or when are you seriously in big trouble?

Alright, we'll call it

Yeah, I'll do it, Prunk

Alright, you want to do one?

Alright, so...

Give me a bit of info first, though.

Just tell me what it is and who I'm calling.

Yeah, I'll do one.

Can you make it over to your IRC?

I can private message you the details to go over.

Hang on.

I'm on the normal chat room.

Yeah, PM me on the chat room.

Well, yeah, that's what I'm going to do, yeah.

What did I say?

Did I say something else?

IRC, yeah.

I don't know if it lets the PMs go through.

room i don't think it is i should did it come up for you amd yeah he said i got it yeah he sent me

one there you go yeah he got one he got one the details are there on uh on the last the last

paragraph is the prank premise that might be what you're looking for i'll give you a second to review

it yeah we'll connect big ken here big kenneth how you doing what's the frequency oh ted webb how

you doing ted hey ted good to hear you awesome you do sound like ted sometimes

doing all right ken i'll get you that invite uh probably tomorrow all right sounds good i gotta

where did you send me the email address last time do you remember to your yahoo the messenger oh boy

i'm gonna find that yeah i'll i'll just resend it on can you can you just can you send me an email

to my uh the madhouse radio at gmail.com you send me an email then i'll have you locked

yeah i do that there so hey it's me and then then i got you locked so i got you locked down

I've got to invite you and Lonesome Loser, actually.

You don't have to worry about Lonesome, that crazy bastard.

I don't know.

He was the runner-up last season, I think.

He just about won.

I think he won the whole thing last year, as a matter of fact.

I always get these ones on Yahoo and stuff,

and those bastards quit playing about two weeks in.

You've got guys that haven't won a game all year

because they've got 15 spots empty.

Yeah, you know what I did, though?

I set up the kind of league that if someone does that,

I can actually empty out their team

so at least we can pick up their players you know what killed me last year i was sitting there i'm

like oh sweet i got peyton manning it was just an auto draft you know he's down and i'm like

that fucking figures you know we got lucky we had one guy on our league last year we had one spot

we couldn't fill with like about four or five hours before the draft so i took our madhouse

private league and i made a public and one guy joined from the public and then he didn't play

at all he didn't come to the draft he didn't play at all but he he got he and luckily he got

peyton manning and um who's there was a receiver last that one of the good receivers that got hurt

in the preseason last year i forgot who it was man yeah i can't remember off the top of my head

oh yeah but he got him too so we we kind of lucked out there i'm gonna have to deal with that

yeah it's always bullshit when people have good players and they just don't play and you can't

trade for them or get them or anything yeah what you got yeah well that's not gonna happen to us

if then the moment the moment someone does that um if i notice someone didn't you know had a bunch

of people they weren't playing i'll give them you know i'll give them until the end of the next week

you know before the the cutoff you know i'll say hey you gotta you gotta post a message in here or

make some moves on your bench or you know come out and say hey i'm still here because if you

don't i'm gonna empty out your team lock you out so at least we you know so basically they just

become a bye week you know when you get to them which isn't fair because some people end up

playing them and and they might lose and then you know as you had them later on it'd be a bye but

it's the best he can do um but yeah i'm really hoping we're sticking to madhouse fans only this

time around so hopefully no one pulls that because we'll give him shit again milkman you gotta you

gotta join man call him out right on the air milkman he's the one milkman's gonna be the one

gonna do he's gonna drop out this year watch true milkman oh man did he get some of that

strange sex again he can't talk to nobody he can't talk yeah he's he's tied up he's got one

of those balls and those masks of the ball in his mouth red rubber ball there he's gagged that's

what it is oh just imagine something for pulp fiction when uh they had him down the basement

god in the movie all right let's call indian food here all right ready to do this prank oh

Oh, yeah, you're pranked.

That's right.

You ready, G?

You're ready to go?

Yeah, we'll go.

All right, here, where they smoke marijuana.

I'll be calling the head office.

The head office?

You get up, man.

Oh, yes.

They're in definite trouble.

Probably be an automated system when it picks up.

Most pizza places do that now.

God, Skype is slow tonight, isn't it?

Is it the evening there at the moment?

Yeah, it's...

Where is this at?

Oklahoma?

Yeah.

9, 920 in the evening?

Okay, brilliant.

That's our deal.

Ah, it's taking its time going through.

Hello?

Hello there.

Am I talking to the...

Hello there.

My name is Darren Crute.

I'm calling from head office.

I wanted to speak to one of the managers there.

Can I speak to either Joey or Ali?

Is one of them available at the moment?

One of the managers.

Are you the manager on shift tonight?

Joey or Ali?

No, Ali in the back.

Do you want to talk to her?

Yes, please.

Right home, man.

Okay.

Ali in the back.

Keeper Holding. This is Ali. How can I help you?

Hello there, Ali. My name is Darren Crute. I'm calling from head office.

Are you the manager on shift tonight?

I'm sorry, what?

Are you the manager on shift tonight, Ali?

Yeah.

Hi, there we are. As I said, my name is Darren Crute. I'm calling from head office.

We've received a lot of complaints about your establishment.

I don't know if you've been forwarded the memo that we've had through.

Complaints about what?

We've had quite a few complaints, actually.

we've had complaints about the employees

smelling like marijuana

the fact that they're not actually

with it at the moment and also

this amount of alcohol

this is very serious now and I'm not

happy about what I've received because

we've had, hang on

I'll just look on my sheets

there's 15 complaints

okay and you

were the acting manager tonight, I'm not happy

about this at all, can you explain

to me what's going on down that end?

I honestly have no idea what you're talking about right now.

Excuse me?

What office are you from?

I'm from head office, your head office.

What head office?

What's the name of where you're from?

I'm from the head office where you're based.

I'm not happy at all.

Where is it based at then?

Excuse me?

Because I know where our head office is based,

so I'm just wondering if you know where it is.

Yes, I'm familiar where it is.

I work there, darling.

Okay, so where is it based from then?

excuse me are you are you on high on marijuana at this minute because you don't sound very with it

no i'm not well then we've had some big complaints from down there and you don't even sound with it

now i am very explaining to do excuse me excuse me i don't know who you are and i honestly i

don't know you're from i'm the person that's going to be firing your ass if you don't start

telling me what's going on down that way excuse me hello i'm sorry i just you have a phone number

where i can call you back at yeah call us back on head office but i'm phoning you right now

i'm i want to speak to you you know about this problem but you have been like sorry i don't know

where i am sorry i'm in my head's in the clouds we're all stoned down here that's what it sounds

like to me now start talking to me for real excuse me not for real i'm sorry but anybody

the head office has never talked to me like this ever a call from head office and then you start

saying this is not for real I don't know what's going on I don't know what's

going on because I don't believe that you're from head office anybody from

head office would not call me and excuse me of being stoned because I'm not

obviously you have no idea what's going on do you uh no because I don't believe

what you're saying because you're stoned or drunk I am not stoned you are one of

the other I can smell your breath from here now what is going on there oh yeah

you bitch you bitch oh yeah that chick was definitely giving up some head for uh some

weed and back there uh yeah i i sent you the um and the irc i sent you real quick the um

head office information oh sorry i didn't catch it hang on yeah oh fuck i got it yeah yeah do

you want me to call her back i got her i got her i'll get her back for you here that's uh baba

buoy in the chat room also got it uh okay yeah but uh here we go if i do a joint conference i'll

say that's my manager you got you got the info there as well yeah yes i do yeah excellent let's

fucking get it yes uh this is cross i'm calling from the head office over here and yes uh need

to speak to either joey or ally or allison there she was just talking to one of my associates and

hung up very rudely what was your name again what'd you say your name was amd uh darren

Crute.

Thanks for calling. Who is calling?

My name is Cross.

Your last name?

Cross Valente

and Darren Crute. We're calling from

the corporate office.

Hello? Yes.

What are you calling for?

We need to speak with either Allie,

Allison. We have two different names for her.

Or Joey, regarding some complaints we've had here.

She just hung up the line very

rudely on our CIO.

Yes, who is this?

This is Joey.

No, this is Allie.

Yeah, Allie, this is Cross Valente.

I'm calling from the corporate office.

I understand you just had, for some reason, you hung up the phone on the CIO?

Because I don't understand who you are.

Well, I...

I think this is a prank.

Well, first of all, I'm Mr. Valente.

I'm calling from the corporate office.

We're here, and I said you had some questions.

You didn't believe his credentials.

You were just speaking to Mr. Crute.

Well, he just kept saying he was from the head office from somewhere around...

He just transferred over here from the United Kingdom,

from one of the franchise offices in the United Kingdom.

Okay.

All right.

So we've gotten a lot of complaints here regarding, I guess, Mr. Crute.

He has the papers over there.

Mr. Crute, can you print that off or tell me real quick what it is that you have?

Hi there.

Yeah, I'm just looking now.

We've had four complaints of employees smelling like marijuana.

We've had 10 of smelling of alcohol.

And we've had the one complaint about somebody that's from Mrs. Wilson.

and she said that one of the employees seemed to be either mentally challenged or they were

completely off their head and obviously being here in the uk department of of we're not happy

about this at all um i i was just spoke to um i'm just looking on my notes here uh ali uh allison

the manager and she was very rude to me i'm not happy about this at all and i and i will be taking

and disciplinary action against her.

Is she connected onto our conference?

Yeah, I believe so, and very rude.

And I think it's a good thing

and all these calls are monitored,

so we'll have...

Yeah, they're all recorded.

That's the best thing about...

Can I speak to you, Allison?

Can you hear me?

Yes, I can.

Okay, listen, I'm actually...

Well, I'm going to suspend you for the night

because, like I said,

I explained to you clearly about who I was

and you were just very rude to me.

So tonight, I want you to go home until we have your disciplinary meeting tomorrow morning at 11 o'clock.

Will you be available for that, Alison?

A meeting where?

A meeting at the branch.

Okay, the branch where you're working at now.

Myself and my assistant manager, Steve.

Hang on, let's just see who's available.

It says Steve Brandano is going to be there

And I'm going to hopefully be able to make it too

You'll be able to make it too

Right thank you for that

So tonight you can go home

Because you're in a lot of trouble now

So tonight

Allison I just want you to get your stuff

And take the rest of that off

We'll pay you for it

But tonight I don't want you there

Mr. Crute I wanted to add

It's not closed anything down and leave

Yep that's it

Well, like I say, at the moment, you're suspended with pay until tomorrow, until we can have this disciplinary meeting.

Is that okay?

All right.

Mr. Crude, I wanted to confirm, were these delivery drivers who supposedly had alcohol breath, according to what I heard?

I didn't see the report myself, but that's what I had overheard from Sally.

We had four complaints of, there was three different delivery drivers, twice the same person from two different people that were smelling deeply of alcohol.

The drivers smelled like they were drinking.

They were drinking and delivering.

Allie, what is this?

What is going on here?

It's absolutely ridiculous.

None of my drivers have been under the influence of anything.

I have been working with them all night.

Well, we've had difference.

None of my employees have acted like they were on anything.

So that is why I'm very surprised on what you guys are talking about.

Because I don't know what is going on.

Yeah, but to me, you sound like you went through the drugs tonight.

So you can...

I'm sorry, what?

you sound to me when i spoke to you up earlier and tried to explain myself you sounded to be

completely out there so tonight you just pack your stuff you go home we'll deal with you in

the morning okay um i i'll bring i'll bring a letter because obviously it's too late to send

a letter out to you uh we'll bring a letter with me but for tonight you need to go home okay is

there anybody better to lock the store up for you i'm gonna print a few copies of that letter right

now uh this is i mean mr crew this is ridiculous i mean you've got you've got a manager here who's

high off of her gourd apparently i cannot honestly believe i i when i read the reports i i thought

that you know it might be a bit of you know making up stuff like that you know but you know actually

speaking to the manager i'm convinced that something's not right there and you know if i

you know if if we didn't need the business i would shut down the whole place shut down the

the whole place but the manager tonight she she's gonna go yeah for what her actions tonight

definitely uh elliot and for what i understand here this location doesn't doesn't even have an

alcohol or a beer license correct oh she hung up i don't know if she buys it or not she was like

i gotta go well she said she was gonna go home i think she's confused as fuck right now she was

like i guess i'll go home i guess well you see the second time she put it on a speaker phone

witnesses sitting around do you want to try one more time yeah i'll try one more time

we'll ask and make sure that she's left that'll be another lad slap as they call it you know for

hanging up on us how dare she how dare she it's another another infraction in her permanent record

oh yes oh yes this is this is interesting i don't know if she buys it but it's still fun to do

she sounded a little scared there for a little bit i'm dialing it we got the uh hq

If we need a female manager, my

missus has just woke up. So, you know,

we can stick her on the phone. There you go.

She doesn't believe us.

We'll put her in line. Yeah, ask if she's

left, by the way, or if she's packing up to

leave. Okay. When we get connected here.

Skype is super slow today. My

God. Hello? Hello there.

It's Mr. Crute from head office

calling again. Um, I

was just phoning to see, um,

well, basically, if Allison

is on her way home or not.

No, she's not on her way home.

We gotta close down the store tonight

I'm sorry but

Actually my store manager just heard everything

With our conversation

And this has to be some sort of prank

So I'm not gonna answer the phone again if you call

And I'm not gonna take this seriously

Who's that? Is that Joey? Who's calling?

Who's that?

He's gone again

Fucking bitch

Let me just go for a piss

And I'll be back in a minute

Alright have fun with that

I will do

Go for it, guys.

Ooh, fantastic.

Ooh, yes, baby.

All right.

Let's continue moving on here.

We've got some Lonesome Loser numbers to do.

We'll do them.

And we'll get to some more Request a Prankstresses after that.

We've got to get to Andy's number also here.

White Trash Girl.

Indian time here.

Time for Banshoot.

Hello.

What is this, Andrew?

I'm sorry, who is this?

This is Jack Massoff.

Is this Indian food?

Yeah, I understand.

Can I just repeat it?

Is this Indian food? This is Jack Masterson.

Yeah, this is Indian food. It's a Chinese restaurant.

My name is Jack. I want to make an order.

I'm sorry?

I want to make a stupid order.

A long straight food for two orders, you said?

Yeah, I want to make an order for lamb kebab, lamb curry, and chicken tikka masala.

This is going to take like 20 minutes.

What do you got me down for?

I'm sorry?

What do you got me down for?

I didn't understand. I can't hear you properly.

What is the stupid order for, you stupid?

Hello?

You stupid banchu.

What is the order?

Hello?

Confirm the order.

Oh, my God.

I can't hear you.

Confirm the order.

Confirm the order, you dumb fuck.

You stupid banchu.

Ulu.

What's the order?

Which order?

Why are you speaking stupid?

You Ulu.

Listen.

I made an order, and you said 20 minutes.

You don't even know what I want?

What's wrong with you?

The delivery guy already left for that one.

Yeah?

Why is it taking so long?

We have like, we do like within 45 minutes, sir.

No, you said 20 minutes, and it's been more than that.

That's for the two-go order, not for the delivery.

Well, I want it now.

So the driver already left. What's your address?

Let me tell you something.

When he gets here, if he doesn't get here in the next two minutes,

you know what I'm going to do when the delivery man gets here?

I'm going to punch him in the face.

What's your address, sir?

No, I'm going to punch the driver in the face.

Hey, listen.

Yes.

You want my address?

What's your address?

My address is...

I can let you know, so what can it be?

He's going to be there.

My address...

Shut up.

My address is son of a bitch.

You understand?

Do you hear me?

Man, I wish I knew what that address was.

That would have been funny.

Hey, whoever sent that back, call up for a stone pizza.

We want to try that.

Stone pizza.

You know, I'm a little upset at you UK Pizza Hut people.

You know why?

I'll tell you after this.

Remind me, but don't forget.

It's all about dominoes in the UK.

All right, I'm not answering.

Yeah, man, you know what's not cool?

In the UK, at Pizza Hut, you guys get a pizza that has a hot dog crust.

I saw that.

Pizza Hut's crap in the UK.

The best one is Domino's.

You get lots of different crusts.

Yeah, but there's a crust that has hot dogs in it.

The whole pizza itself is surrounded with hot dogs.

Hang on, hang on.

Bibby, has Pizza Hut got any hot dogs in the...

I've not heard of the hot dog one.

Hang on, now that's my missus.

She likes pizzas more than me.

Oh.

What?

Pizza Hut.

Do they do any Domino's hot dogs in the crusts?

They've got a new crust out over here.

What?

Hot dogs?

I'm not 100% sure.

I walked past earlier.

The sign was outside.

I didn't pay that much attention, to be fair.

Oh, well.

There you go.

That's as far as I can tell you, then.

We're not sure.

They've got new sign-outs here.

according to my mrs they have a hot okay i got here they got a hot dog stuffed crust it's a

succulent hot dog stuffed crust with the free mustard drizzle the pizza oh man it looks so

good milkman you tell me you wouldn't eat that but pizza and instead of the crust is stuffed

with a big long hot dog you know oh man that's just i'm not saying that yeah man i'm telling

you because i thought it was in the united states and i called the pizza hut and the guy's like i

He's like, I don't know what you're talking about.

And I got into an argument with him.

If I move the laptop off the side, I can get my missus to have a look for you.

Hang on.

Have a look on pizza, babe.

Right, hang on.

Let me just move this.

All right.

I know my son in bed was like, Casey would eat the hell out of a pizza that had hot dog

stuffed with a crust.

Yeah.

Dude, it was interesting.

Live updates coming soon from my missus for the new hot dog pizza that's supposed to be

in the UK.

Maybe it was a limited time.

I don't know.

I don't know, but that's what it says here.

She's on the case now.

She's on the computer.

Get the breaking news ready there, Carlito.

It's old news, but I just thought about it.

If you're in the U.S., you won't be able to taste it yourself

since Pizza Hut has no plans as of now to bring the hot dog pizza to the United States.

But you know what they did bring is the bacon sundae at Burger King.

I haven't tried it yet, but I saw it advertised.

advertised yeah there's a ice cream sundae with bacon on it you see that ken i know you're a big

fan of uh bacon not even really a big ice cream fan to tell you the truth i don't know about bacon

and ice cream but apparently it's a big hit i uh like i say uh what shit let's say what that was

uh fuck i even forget what they sell a bunch of shit bacon like bacon uh chewing gums all the

kinds of shit like that just a bunch of wacky stuff bacon mints man yeah i was in a head

shop once and it had bacon flavored uh joint uh joint papers i was i think spanking geek that

that's the site it was on yeah i saw that i asked i remember i asked the girls like is that really

is that really uh joints joint you know is that really rolling papers with bacon flavors like

yeah they sell like crazy like oh sounds kind of good actually i don't know speaking like weird

shit for the first time i know it's been out a while i just saw the other day uh the alcohol

uh whipped cream and stuff i actually saw it out on shelves yeah yeah i saw that as and as hell

though oh you know what athena's been doing it actually tastes really good she um she takes

orange juice and she mixes uh vodka there's whipped cream flavored vodka vodka it's not the

it's not the whipped cream with alcohol it's a vodka that's whipped cream flavored and she she

makes a screwdriver with the whipped cream vodka and it tastes just like a creamsicle it tastes

tastes just like a creamsicle.

Oh, it is so good.

I can't have it.

It's too sugary.

The orange juice alone,

that included the sugar in that vodka

because it's flavored.

But I recommend it.

If you're not diabetic

and you like screwdrivers,

you like vodka,

try orange juice

and the whipped cream vodka.

There you go.

We found that.

Go ahead and have one

to bring your ass back on up.

All right.

Go ahead, AMD.

What do you got there for me?

Bring out the breaking news thing.

I'll put it onto my reporter, Lucinda.

All right.

Let me get my breaking news thing here.

All right.

What do you got?

here we go decided to add even more cheese to their pizzas by cramming it into the crust it

was an immediate hit now the company has gone a step further by introducing a calorie drenched

upgrade the hot dog stuffed crust pizza which contains a whopping 200 calorie 270 calories per

slice there you go 270 calories per slice so yes holy shit it is around heart attack in a slice

How many slices are in a pizza?

Eight?

Is it eight?

I think large is an eight.

Eight, right?

Eight slices of pizza normally, I think.

Holy crap.

And you get extra cheese on that?

That's what I do.

I always do extra cheese.

And then, yeah.

Well, it looks quite cheesy.

It looks quite cheesy indeed.

Man, that sounds good.

That really, really good.

You guys should order that tomorrow and let me know.

Give us a full report.

Eat the whole thing.

Well, we will do.

My missus loves pizzas, so we will have to have a gander at that one.

and we will give you the full reports

from Lucinda, the news coast.

All right, big Lucinda.

Thank you.

move on one more prank call let's call this indian place again see if

if they uh we'll see if this guy picks up again because i tried to call once already back and he

didn't answer can i fuck with him yeah i'm sure yeah excellent hello hello hello i want some food

don't call from unknown or unnumbered if you call again i'm gonna call cops okay and they

want to fuck you okay i just called you i just called you i'm hungry wait a second what kind

What kind of cops do they have over there? He just said he's going to call the cops and they're going to fuck him?

Is that what I heard there?

I was a new customer and he was rude to me.

Right, bring him back. I want to make a complaint now.

Alright, I'm going to call him from an unblocked number and tell him that.

Tell him too that we're calling him from an unblocked number.

Call him back.

Sorry, do you have an attitude?

I have a voice.

Do you want me to help you?

Hello, am I speaking to the restaurant?

I'm sorry, with who?

Hello, I'd like to make an order, please.

Hello?

Hello, yes?

Yes?

Hello, can I make an order, please?

I can't hear you properly, man.

I'll sing your fuckin' ears then, you fuckin' idiot!

Sorry, can I make an order, please?

I don't-

WHAT?!

YOU FUCKIN' ASSHOLE!

Alright, I think the, uh-

Phone him back!

I'm at-

I wanna see him.

Now AMD's angry.

Yes!

You bastard.

What a shi-

Phone him to the place, let's have a go at them.

You know what, I- so-

Oh yeah, Pizza Hut's closed right now in the UK.

I was thinking about calling the UK.

Yeah, pizza will be closed by 10 o'clock.

Yeah, they're definitely closed.

You guys don't do 24-hour food like we do here in America.

Unfortunately, no.

We do a 24-hour McDonald's.

Yeah, hi.

Is this Indian food?

Oh, he hung up.

Yeah, he doesn't want to talk anymore.

You have 24-hour McDonald's?

That's good.

We got those, too.

That's awesome.

Give me a second.

Listen to that.

Look up.

Right, I'll get my missus to look at the 24-hour McDonald's in Torquay.

See if it's open tonight, Ellen.

Friday and Saturday.

Oh, Friday and Saturday.

It's not open 24 hours here tonight.

Oh, that's bullshit.

That's not 24 or 7.

I know.

It's terrible.

Let's phone this for Indian people or grannies.

I want to have a fuck with them.

I love fucking old grannies.

Let me ask you another question.

Does McDonald's do breakfast over there in the UK?

Do they do breakfast?

10 o'clock.

It's 6 o'clock in the morning or 5.

Is it 5 or 6, baby?

5 or 9.

Yeah, no, no.

Not time.

Oh, so you can't hear me, can you?

What time does McDonald's open?

Quarter past six they do breakfast.

Yeah, my buddy in Orlando told me that the McDonald's in Orlando,

I don't know if everywhere, but the ones that are 24-7,

they're starting now at midnight, they'll make breakfast now.

If they're open 24-7, they start doing the breakfast at midnight.

I'm like, holy shit, I would totally,

I could totally see myself going out at midnight to get breakfast

at fucking McDonald's.

I would do it.

Because I've got them Olympic glasses from them.

Even though I don't even like the Olympics.

Yeah, you should get Jim Stewart to sign those, man.

Yeah, he's doing the Olympics.

Where is he tonight?

I don't know.

You should get him to shoot archery arrows at him.

He'll miss them all.

Like he did on the TV.

All right, we're...

After PME, which one is Jim Stewart or Carly?

All right, this is not going through.

All right, I got a different India restaurant, Pabla India Grill.

They're in the same town.

These are all in Washington State.

This is just outside of Seattle here.

Right.

If I can get the shit to dial.

I'm going to be really rude to them.

Please.

In the most English kind of way.

Awesome.

That's very hard.

You guys don't really sound rude ever, but okay.

Hello?

Is this the restaurant?

Hello?

How dare she

Let me try

Let me try and I'll put you on

Nothing

There you go

Let's keep going here

Let me play a little music machine

Find another song

Hey Carlito I meant to ask you

What did you think of that movie Project X that I sent to you

Project X

Was that big party movie that I sent you

Dude yeah I saw that

I didn't even hear about that movie

That movie was awesome

awesome that uh that was like the most epic of all those high school era party movies yeah i saw

that whole thing project you know and that that slipped under the radar with me i didn't know it

came out or anything but of all those movies uh guys i wanted to yeah totally meant to meant to

talk about this you know there's those high school coming of age movies that come out you know where

the high schoolers have the party and it gets crazy like oh what are some of them let me think here

Super Bad.

Super Bad and, let's see, Can't Hardly Wait.

There's so many like that.

What's the one where the two guys make the weird science?

You know, it goes way back to the 80s and stuff with movies like that.

Basically, the parents are at home.

Let's have a party type of music.

Yeah, parents are gone.

You know, we're seniors.

Let's have a party in the house and wreck the house.

It always ends up the same way.

Well, this is the most epic one ever.

You guys got to watch it.

What's it called?

Project X?

Is that what it's called?

Yeah, that's what it is.

But don't get it confused, because back in the 80s there was a movie called Project X

with Matthew Broderick, and they just had a bunch of monkeys and shit throughout the

whole thing.

Is that...

You gotta look for the new one.

Project X with monkeys, okay.

Was that the one that was about, like, a perfume or something?

No.

Uh, they were doing army animal testing, trying to get the monkeys to fly planes through nuclear

explosions and shit like that.

Yeah, yeah, and at the end one of the monkeys flew away to freedom.

Yeah, I remember that.

Right, right, exactly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I remember that movie.

There you go.

You said Matthew Broderick and Monkeys, and I figured it was the same one.

There you go.

Yep.

Same one.

Same exact name.

I looked at people that are trying to download the new one that I sent you,

and they're like, what the fuck was this?

All it was was a bunch of monkeys.

Yeah, yeah.

Any of you guys see the new Batman movie?

I actually got a copy over here at home.

I saw it in the movie theater first, and I liked it, and I downloaded it.

Found a pretty good screener version of it, a cam version.

Did you see it, Ken?

Did you see the new Batman movie?

not yet i'm gonna take a look at it uh try to find something online check it out it's out there

milkman have you seen the new batman movie at all what burton reynolds have you seen the new

batman movie is it that'd be awesome burton reynolds just shows up i do like the uh in the

previews how bane looks pretty fucking cool you know from what the uh newer the older movies were

where he was just like a cartoon fucking character yeah yeah they're pretty good with

With Bane.

Bane was in that one crappy one.

That one crappy Batman.

Yeah, with Jim Carrey and fucking...

Was it that?

...Daddy Lee Jones was in it.

Was he in that one or was he in the one with Arnold?

I forget.

Oh, no, you're right.

The one with Arnold.

Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy.

You're right.

But he was in it for like 10 minutes and it was like some skinny guy and then they injected

him and he became a crazy guy.

And they were like, when's Bane going to kill freaking George Clooney?

And it never happened.

I was really wanting to see that.

The new Batman movie is awesome.

The best part of the new Batman movie is when Superman saves Batman at the end of it.

It's so awesome, man.

Wait until you see that part.

It's so fucking cool.

Right at the end of it, Superman saves the day.

Everyone's like, oh, Batman's going to die.

Batman's not going to make it.

And then Superman flies in.

And Batman, you know, he kind of like passes the torch over to Superman to protect the Gotham and the world and the United States and all that.

It's really cool.

No, I'm kidding.

That's not what happens.

i'm about to say did he have a fucking superman have a domino's pizza

yeah true story all right so i saw i saw that the the opening weekend right i saw the batman movie

and i didn't even talk about this last week i saw the batman movie and then on monday i got

back to work and my co-worker saw it too my supervisor and he was like hey corley did you

see the new batman movie he's like oh yeah i saw it did you see he's like yeah i saw it and then

then we got this one other kid that works with us he's he just turned 21 is really gullible

he's like i didn't see it yet don't tell me i'm gonna see it tonight and i said watch this and i

said man justin the best part was when superman came and saved batman and he goes no don't tell

me you're ruining it like no seriously superman saves the day and and the kid thought that's

really what happened until he saw it that same night he came to work the next is a good superman

wasn't in that movie i saw the whole movie and superman never showed up i was like you you guys

are assholes you guys are assholes he's just like that you guys are dicks yeah but there is a new

superman movie coming out next year the trailer the trailer is attached to to batman that's like

uh i think tomorrow well i yeah tomorrow here uh total recall is coming out i just sort of want to

see the remake of that it kind of looks cool i saw that trailer too for uh during batman and yeah

I rarely go to the movies anymore.

I saw that.

That's the first movie.

I'll tell you what.

I saw Batman, right?

Before that, the last movie I saw was the re-release of Phantom Menace, Star Wars Episode 1.

Because I took my nephew, my five-year-old nephew, who is really into Star Wars.

And he knows that I have a lot of Star Wars toys and collectibles from when I used to be into it.

And he's like, oh, Uncle Carlos, you're so into Star Wars.

And I was like, yeah.

and then i told i told my sister-in-law and brother-in-law say hey you know the new

they're re-releasing star wars in 3d you want me to take you know i'm gonna take your son so we all

went to go see it i saw that movie a few months ago before that the last movie that i saw in the

movie theater was jackass 3d and i think that was like two or three years ago i i really i just don't

like when the movie theater it's as people talking and shit and being rude dude i i tell you during

in the last movie I really wanted to watch

was when they re-released Dawn of the Dead

and I went and saw it with a bunch of people

and these two assholes right behind me

kept talking. I seriously

thought I was going to jail that night

because I was going to turn around and punch the kids right in the face.

I used to be like that,

right? But one of the times

one of my favorite movie

experiences that happened through the whole

thing, me and a friend

we decided to go see Saw

the first Saw opening weekend when it

it came out this is a long this is like 2003 may 2004 um we we went to go see saw but we saw it in

a black movie theater and if you know i'm talking about it's the movie theater that that the black

people go to and you know how they love talking and all the stuff in the movies right and we were

getting there i was like oh no man this is gonna you know they're gonna ruin it you're gonna be

talking and fucking all this shit but they made the they made the whole thing so much more fun

because they're like standing up and yelling at the screen and like you know yelling at saw a guy

and yelling at the girl and you stupid group like that was like like they could hear them

yeah but it just made it so entertaining i actually got into it i was like yeah man tell

them this it normally i would i don't know why but normally i would have been so pissed off

like i fucking wasted my money but it made the movie it was like it was like ms it was like

mystery science theater um it was just like a real life version of it like it was like an

urban version of mystery science theater and there you go msc3 clay yes there's a there's a

lot of good movies out like uh you know total recall like we're talking about the uh expendables

too yeah later this month too that's another good one i want to see yeah i still haven't seen the

first expendable van damme back from the dead hey yes i've just had a brilliant idea like nunu

said about this 24-hour place in manchester the pizza place right how about the hundred pound

pizza challenge right i'll pretend to be a stone person and i keep adding toppings and so i can

get it over a hundred pounds what do you reckon yeah pizza challenge there we go let's go for

that all right did nunu did he send in a number i'm looking here let me see is there is there

really a uh one of the heroes yes domino's pizza in manchester 24 hours here we go all right right

All right, let's go for it.

Okay, and he also sent in the numbers for the hotel, the Olympic Hotel, that I got to do.

Man, I'm getting backed up in numbers here.

We got to focus, focus, guys, because then we got to call the UK later also.

So here we go.

I got to do this.

Under the pan pizza challenge.

All right.

It's the home of me and stuff, Chris.

My name is Josley.

How can I help you?

Hello, you still open here?

For delivery, yes, sir.

Oh, brilliant.

Can I order a takeaway for delivery, please?

Okay, and what's your phone number?

My phone number is 07.

That's a mobile number.

And your name on the order, please?

Eric Johnson.

Where is the delivery going to, Eric?

It's going to Clifton Road.

Yep.

It's flat 7, by the way.

Flat 7, okay.

You're okay making a card payment on this order, yeah?

Yeah, I'll do that in a minute.

I just want to order my food.

No worries.

What road do you set, Clifton?

Okay, I want the...

What bases do you have?

I've got the regular base, a fresh and thin crust, a double decadence and a Dominator.

Can I have all of them in one pizza, please?

You can only have one of it.

What's that? I'm paying for all of them. I don't mind paying for it. It's fine.

We can't make all of them because it's different ingredients.

Okay, can I have five different pizzas for them?

Okay.

So, I'll make a regular.

What do you want on a regular pizza?

How much cheese am I allowed?

What do you mean?

You get one topping of cheese on it.

Do you want extra?

I want double extra.

Okay, I'll do that for you.

Okay, I want anchovies.

All right.

I want treble anchovies.

Okay, and lots of tomatoes.

I've got a bit of a party here tonight, so I'm going to have to feed them all.

I'm just reading through the list.

I want 19 bottles.

Do you do Pepsi or Coke?

We do Coke and Cola.

You don't do Pepsi?

No, we don't.

Sorry.

Okay, 19 bottles of Pepsi.

Okay.

Okay, and for the second pizza, hang on, let me just find out.

Hang on.

Jeff, what do you want?

Okay.

Pepperoni passion.

Right.

Okay, I want, with extras on that as well, I need the chicken.

Yep.

The peppers and mushrooms.

Okay.

The third one, which is the base for the third one?

I'll make it a double decadence.

That's a double decadence. Brilliant.

Can I have the meat feast with anchovies and extra cheese?

Okay. How much is that so far?

Comes up to £91.72.

£91.72?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, and the next one, I want the one with the meatballs on there.

Okay.

Okay, and extra cheese on that one with pepperoni.

Okay.

And do you still do the cheesecakes?

No, we don't.

What desserts do you do?

You can have a garlic mozzarella sticks.

No desserts.

Chocolate melts or cookies.

What about the Ben and Jerry's?

Yeah, we can have the Ben and Jerry's.

Fish food or caramel soup or chocolate fresh brownie.

Hang on, hang on.

Let me find out.

Yeah, I need 16 pots of that.

16 types of bean and cherries.

The Caramo Choo Choo.

Okay, just bear with me.

Hello?

Hello.

Hi, I'm just going to repeat your order quickly.

I haven't finished it yet.

So go on sir, what do you want?

I wanted some of the chicken as well.

Serenity chicken?

Yeah, they wanted five things of it.

Sorry sir?

I want five orders of the chicken.

Five?

Yes, five different orders. I've got a party here.

half of them are doing whatever in the bedroom and the rest are hungry okay so how many pieces

you want the total five separate orders five separate orders yeah yes the the chicken with

no bones in it so you want to pay by card yeah no i pay the delivery man when he gets you i give

him a good tip i'm really sorry so today we stopped doing the cash services so we're doing

only card payments today well how much is it so far at the moment your price is 190 pounds and

130 pounds sir. 190 pounds. Yeah. Well we're all paying by things so I might as well make it to 200.

If you want to make the payment yeah if you want to make the uh if you want to pay by cash sir

we're going to ring you back after half an hour yeah so that you can we can take your order again

sir is that okay? Well I'll tell you what then if you can cook them up for me I'll come in and

get it from you yeah. You want to come and collect it? Yeah I'll come and collect it from you is

that all right? So if you want to make this order like this sir we're going to take some advance

from you go on then okay that's fine so you're okay to pay 50 pounds the down payment and how

well no the reason why i want to because everybody's got cash here we're at a party

i'm really sorry sir we'll take this part of the large orders here we use it to take some of the

payment in advance right i'll tell you what then if i if i give you my check number that should be

fine i'm really sorry sir we won't accept any checks or anything else excuse me yes we won't

Thanks for the good money, yeah, and you, I'm not happy.

Put your manager on the phone now.

There you go.

Is he getting up?

Yeah, he's getting up.

I'll call him back, don't worry.

Yes.

Pretty sure he said fuck you at the end.

I'm not sure, but we may need to confirm this.

We may need to confirm this.

At least I made the £100 challenge.

It was nearly 200 quid.

Says there's a problem.

We're going to have to disconnect and reconnect everyone on Skype.

Hey, Milkman, are you there?

Milkman?

All right.

Milkman, I've got to hang up and call you back, all right?

Because we've got to refresh the call.

And the rest of you, we'll dial you back up.

Somebody's got Skype 5.0.

I think it's working now.

Hang on, I got it, I got it.

Sometimes it happens.

Sometimes it recovers.

There we go, we're good, we're good.

We're calling back.

Ha-ha, he stayed on the line.

Ha-ha.

What?

He's trying to dial.

Domino's Pizza, home of me and stuff, Chris?

Hiya.

You rudely hang up on me.

Not really, sir.

What'd you hang up on me?

Are you making...

No, no, you said you can't make a card payment, yes?

No, I said, would you prefer a cheque payment?

We don't accept cheques, sir.

Why not?

We don't. It's just a policy.

Paying cash, I'm on my way down now.

Down to where?

Your shop.

You're coming down to the Manchester City Centre?

I'm coming to that shop, yes.

I'm on my way.

All right, OK.

Yeah, no worries.

If you come here and make the card payment,

then we'll start making the order.

Well, what did you hang up for me for?

We didn't.

You did?

Where's your manager? I want to speak to him.

This is the manager, sir.

Well, where's your manager?

I am the manager.

Well, I just made him an order of a lot of money for a party,

and you've been rudely hung up on me.

I'm sorry, sir.

I thought there was some issue with the payment,

and that is why we asked...

My money's not good enough for you.

You are sorry?

So you're calling me a pauper?

No, we're certainly not doing that.

Because I've got holes in my jeans. Is that why?

I haven't even seen you, sir, so you can't be biased.

They're supposed to have holes in my jeans.

It doesn't matter really, sir.

Well, it obviously does if you're hanging up on me.

But I don't know what you're wearing, so how can you make that justification?

Well, what are you wearing?

Are you coming down to make this, correct this order?

Of course, but I want to know what you're wearing so I can identify you myself.

And that's alright, so everybody's in the same apparel when you come down, yeah?

So if you're coming down, we'll take the payment and then start making the order.

Okay, well just talk to me for a bit longer, you know.

You know, it's just customer service.

Not really, sir.

We've got plenty of work at the store.

So we've got other orders to handle as well.

I've got a big order here.

Now you can talk to me, can't you?

No, we cannot.

I'm only allowed to take orders, nothing else.

Well, pretend you're taking an order.

I cannot, sir.

Sorry.

What are you doing later?

How do you mean?

When do you finish work?

We don't finish work.

We work 24 hours.

I know, but you don't work 24 hours yourself, do you?

Well, we do.

do. Well, you know,

I'm sure you'll get a fag break.

Do you get a break?

Not really. I'll have to

take another call, sir,

if you could let me go. Stay on the phone to me.

Stay on the phone to me. You know you love it.

Not really, sir. I'm going to hang up now.

I've got to attend another business.

Yes? Thank you.

Wait. Oh, you bastard.

Lost him, lost him, lost him. Alright, Skype's

doing it again, so we're going to regroup. Milkman,

I'm going to call you back first, alright? So be

attentive. Attention, okay?

All right, bro.

All right, I'll call you right back first.

All right, I'm going to get Milkman back on here first.

I'm going to play a song real quick here.

By the way, if you guys are in a chat room,

I've been meaning to turn off the caps kick thing

because I notice every once in a while someone types something in caps

and it kicks you and it's kind of rude.

Try not to abuse it.

Try not to make me have to turn it on again.

But I took away the caps automatic kick in there

because it's kind of ridiculous.

Ridiculous.

But I've kept the flood and all that other stuff in there.

So go nuts with the caps.

Go all caps if you want.

I don't care.

You guys want to use caps, use caps.

I don't care.

No, no, no.

You'll be happy now.

You can use your caps again.

See?

Look at Ken.

There you go.

Ken's already doing it.

Give me a second.

Let me get Milkman on here, and we'll get the rest of the crew back on for the night.

We got about, I will do about an hour more of show.

How's that sound?

You listen to the Madhouse radio show, prank calls and stuff, and pizza talk tonight.

We always end up talking about food.

That's normal here.

we don't understand you must not listen to the show much please enjoy the following music while

your party is being reached 115 listeners right now awesome oh milkman ha howdy ha milkman ha

welcome back my brother thank you so much and let me get the other guys back on here

who else is on amd is on all right he's what's his name on here is something computer or something

him are you there amd hello there you are let me get ken back on here

Kenneth, you there?

Did he take away your voice?

You see, you got no voice.

Eh, he kicked me earlier.

I forget for what.

Oh, I remember.

I told him I wanted to ejaculate on his feet.

Milkman gets mad.

Milkman gets mad that Nunu kicks people.

But I think it's funny sometimes.

I think Enigma told him to fuck off.

I'd kick you too if you told me you were going to cum in my face.

I don't know.

Milkman, you understand that, right?

You see why Nunu had to do that.

Oh, Ken's talking.

Yeah, Nunu is an idiot.

man and don't worry about it yeah but he doesn't want anybody coming on his face he wants that i'm

not you know oh noonoo loves that shit over there noonoo loves it noonoo loves it noonoo loves to

come on his face that's why he's so so jealous of my welsh accent because he wants my cock in his

ass like i said i made a joke earlier about you know noonoo has no nose how does he smell and i

was waiting for like terrible to come up and then he fucking dealt me the bastard what a jerk all

I have the worst taste in the rest of the town.

All right, we got levels of dominoes there.

Let's try this.

We got a Shah Indian, Shan Indian, and Pakistani restaurant.

Let me try this one.

Let me do this one here.

Let me open this up.

Give me two seconds.

I'll be back in a sec.

I just need another pass.

One, two.

You sure are peeing a lot.

You must be diabetic.

No, I'm just drinking a lot of booze.

No answer there.

Let's see here.

We'll do the Turkish Kitchen instead, where the woman will fuck you.

I'm careful if she said that.

She said that at the gym.

Oh, fuck you.

Turkish

Kitchen, can I help you?

Yes, hi, Turkish Kitchen, yeah?

Yeah, who's this?

Oh, that's good.

Yeah, I was calling back.

This is Cross.

I was calling back.

I spoke to a lady.

I guess she's the owner's wife.

Is she there right now?

Who?

Huh?

Who?

The woman.

Who are you looking for?

The woman who's the owner's wife.

Who are you looking for?

There's a woman who works there who answers the phone sometimes.

Yeah.

She told me to call her back.

Yeah, hi, this is the lady.

Hi.

Hi, lady, how are you?

Good to be here.

Oh, hi, Uria.

Listen, you said you wanted to fuck last time I talked to you.

That you wanted to fuck me.

Yeah, I am waiting for you.

Do you want to come?

Yeah, do you like to get on top?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway, come, come.

I want to show you.

You want to get on top and fuck me?

Right in my cock and all that?

Yeah, yeah.

Come, come.

I am waiting.

Don't be late, okay?

We're going to close soon.

Will you kiss me while we fuck?

We're going to fuck you behind your ass.

No, but you're...

Come here, I want to show you.

But you're a girl.

I am waiting for you.

Well, you're a girl, right?

That's fucking Charlie's replacement right there.

I'm telling you.

Hello?

Nothing.

All right, let me take this hat off.

My head's getting hot.

There we go.

That's better.

Now my head can breathe.

All right, let's see what else we got here.

We got an ale house.

Pegasus pizza.

Domino's.

What were we talking about?

Hello?

Hello.

Hi.

Welcome back.

Um, I'm going to try this other Indian place here.

I believe we've got some more requested pranks also we can do.

Is that UK or America, Carlito, the Indian place?

Uh, American.

$200 challenge.

Let me see. Let me see if I can do this.

Gateway to Indian Tacoma, how can I help you?

Oh, are you American?

Our restaurant is Gateway to India.

Yeah, are you American?

I am, yeah.

Are there any Indians there?

There are.

Can I speak to one, please?

Um, they don't speak English.

No, I speak Indian.

I got to remember, Gateway to India, that's like the McDonald's of Indian food, so it's

always Americans that answer there, I've noticed, damn it, man, we'll keep them on, I'll try

a different Indian place instead.

You want to pitch them together?

Yeah, yeah, that's the plan, yeah, they're ready to hunt.

Get one of them, read the manual out to one Indian place, bring another, and then, yeah,

and have them read out, and then order to each other.

Yes, hi, I want to make an order, please.

Oh, you want to go order?

Uh-huh, order.

So what do you like?

i like one chicken tikka masala okay uh two tandoori raj tandoori raj uh-huh uh three

papadums what's your number your phone number yeah what's your phone number two five three

okay five seven five five seven five nine four three three four three uh-huh what's your name

This is Cross. Cross Ulu, yeah. Okay. My name, did you get my name? It's Ulu.

It's 253575 in Piriti? Yes.

Okay, and what do you order?

One chicken tikka masala. Okay.

Two papadums, three pilau rice, four tandoori raj.

What's a tandoori raj?

Do you have tandoori, anything tandoori?

Yeah, but we have it right now. We almost signed up for it. It's way long to order.

I usually maybe if you want short order something, you know, like a quack made, and because it's 9 o'clock, and it takes way too much, because like at least 40 minutes to prepare.

How about mashed potatoes and sweet tea, you stupid?

You're talking about mashed potatoes. We don't have mashed potatoes.

Why not?

We don't cook mashed potatoes.

Is this stupid?

Yeah.

You're stupid?

Yeah.

You're stupid. Banchu, do you have Banchu there?

Yeah.

Do you have Ulu?

Yeah.

Do you have sister?

I want your four sisters here.

How many sisters?

You have anal?

Anal sex?

Yeah.

Do you like it at the ass?

What ass?

What kind of asshole calls at 9 o'clock, shit?

Yeah, yeah.

So what?

Motherfucker?

I see a lot of people like you.

Motherfucker.

You're a fucking...

No, no.

You're exactly right.

I am a motherfucker.

Send your mother on over and I'll take care of her.

Yeah.

I pop you a lot of sisters here.

Your girlfriend here, man.

Motherfucker.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I fucking every day white trash here.

Everyday white trash.

You stupid.

Hey, do you kiss a dog?

Yeah.

Asshole.

Fucking sister and fucking brother every day white trash.

Tell him you need to ejaculate on his face.

Yeah, can I ejaculate on your face?

I'll ejaculate on your face

and then my dog will lick it off.

Fucking jackass.

You stupid.

I want my throat and your nose,

you fucking didgy bastard.

Fucking server at home.

That's all I can say to you right now.

And get the fucking fucking gift. I'm gonna get my balls in that cup and wipe it all over your eyelids

Hey if if I'm white trash, are you Indian garbage?

And stick them up your nose and put them in your ears

You dirty bastard.

Anything else?

Yeah, come up, motherfucker.

How about mashed potatoes?

What about mashed potatoes, stupid?

Make mashed potatoes, stupid.

Yeah, I make the duck and you told me to eat that one.

Yeah.

That will be very healthy for you.

You know what you look like?

Yeah.

You look like an owl.

You know that?

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Very well done.

Let's get him angry.

Oi, did you mash potato?

You sister fucker.

You dirty bastard.

Can you hear me?

Where's the fucking mashed potato?

Fuck you.

You fucking wanker, you're a fucking dickhead, I'm gonna put chili peppers in your anus, you little bastard, you little fucker, you little slumper, poop face, you little dickhead, shut up, you little duck, I'm gonna spunk you up, you're a dog, you're a smacker,

I see you fucking dog food eat, man.

What's up, homie?

I made you watch.

It's an event that you asked.

You like that?

Yeah, you would, baby.

AMD, hang on.

Hey, sir?

I'm all over your ass, man.

Don't cry too much.

I'm sorry about all that.

Can we just...

Yeah, that's okay.

Fuck yourself.

I don't care, you, man.

I'm sorry.

Can I make a small order for just like Papa Dom's?

No.

Well, can you make me real quick?

You seem to have gotten off on no bad foot.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, we got off to a bad wrong foot.

I'm sorry.

Okay, who cares? I see a lot of American trash every day like you, man.

You don't respect people, and you don't get respect from anybody.

Yeah, well, you're a stupid Indian. What are you doing here if you don't like it?

Yeah, that's not belong to you, man. I live by test.

Why don't you go...

We're on the country, you fucking food stamp people.

You don't have nothing. Just buy the food stamp.

I don't know if we buy the food stamp. Listen...

Yeah, you're the fucking food stamp people.

Yeah, and in India, you go to the beach, and then you take a shit in the water.

Yeah, and in India, you go to the beach, and you take a shit in the water when you're swimming, don't you?

Uh-huh. Well, thank you.

No, I don't use food stamps.

Why would you say something like that? That's horrible.

You're our guest. You're a guest in our country. We have the best country in the world.

United States is better than India.

How many gold medals does India have in the Olympics right now?

Hey, listen, asshole, we have 18 gold medals.

A lot of Indians around America, you know their art technology?

They're run by Indians.

You fucking stupid asshole, and drink a potato chip and a Diet Coke, that's all.

You don't know anything, motherfucker.

The hell's a dyke go?

Yeah.

Listen.

Indians, you know the Indian old market that works.

You fucking stupid asses sitting on the sofa.

They watch the football.

That's all you know, guys.

Fucking dumb Americans.

You know?

So it's a trap, this whole thing.

That's what you guys are planning.

You fucking dumb.

That's the reason the country let them in the foreign people.

Fucking asshole.

You don't know anything.

Let me ask.

If Indians are so smart, what's two plus two?

You don't have nothing, motherfucker.

You have just like a big tongue.

That's all.

Suck you by itself, motherfucker.

Well, what do you guys have?

Motherfucker?

Calm down, you sisterfucker.

Fuck you, motherfucker.

Goddamn.

Fuck you.

You show the respect to everybody, man.

Oh my god, that's horrible.

Yeah.

You show the respect by telling the respect to other people.

Nobody belongs to you, any foreigner, any country.

The country build on America,

The former depend on the foreign people you what the hell are you doing here because you're a slave

Motherfucker you father maybe come from Indonesia. You're a slave

You're a slave

Your glory you

I'll see you in America.

Oi, listen, listen, shit.

You talk about America?

What do you know about America, man?

As a chocolate teapot.

Yeah.

You know that you do a chat around

and stamp a problem on the department

and eat and fucking drink the potato chips?

You don't have to talk to me like this.

Motherfucker, we're on the country.

Stupid Indian.

Stupid Indian shit.

Smells like shit.

You talk about gold, man.

Fucking motherfucker, you don't have any diamonds

These stupid Indian shits ruin the world, ruin the country.

Because the Indians, all they do is fuck the women, and they have Indian babies everywhere.

What? What'd you say?

Huh? Be careful.

You fucking asshole, you don't know anything.

You respect.

Sitting on the $2 couch and sitting there and watching TV.

What the hell are you talking about?

You don't know anything about America, man.

You don't know how many states have United States.

50.

How many colors on the flag?

What are you talking about?

50.

You don't know American history.

How many colors on the flag?

I just picked up the other line.

Is he taking our order yet?

Hello, Indian man?

Man, are we going to get extra papadums with this order or what?

We're going to ejaculate about your mother and sister and your girlfriend.

That's you better, motherfucker.

Yes, I'd like to make an order for Diet Coke, Diet Pepsi, and to sit on the couch.

Yeah, that's all you need to know about Diet Pepsi, fucking asshole.

Come out inside and see how the world is doing.

No, no, no, he needs to ejaculate on your face right now.

Can we make an order of mashed potatoes, Diet Coke, and Diet Pepsi,

and we eat it on watch TV and watch on food stamps?

Does that cost that much?

Can I pay with a food stamp?

Hey, have you got any

Keeman arms in? Hey, guy,

we want Keeman arms.

You bastard. You shit.

You're banjoed. We want ten Keeman arms.

Talk to me. Alright.

We'll keep him on there. We'll keep

the stupid Indian asshole on the line.

Okay, let's have fun with him.

Alright, we'll keep the stupid Indian shithead.

I know he's listening because he's a stupid Indian.

He's a fucking banjoed.

He's a sister fucker. Sister fucker, banjoed,

Idiot

Bantud

He's

He's fucking

Smashing at the

He's bringing

I hate these

Americans

Dine Pepsi

Potatoes

Hey

Stop hitting buns

Over there

Indian

You cook them

Fucking potatoes

You bantud

Those potatoes

I can't

Eat beef

Oh my god

That guy's funny

Is he still

Alive

Nah he

He disconnected

But I'm calling

Charlie instead

Okay

This guy

He's a little nicer

sure watch let me talk to him okay god that guy's funny all all we do is what pay with food stamps

and sit on the couch and eat potatoes and drink diet pepsi hello oh i thought he picked up no

no answer there from charlie we'll try the angry asiatic black guy that's hilarious he's he's he's

right though milkman writes all we do diet pepsi potatoes and uh what do we do we watch tv

And it's a destroyed kitchen.

Hello?

Yes, hello.

I was looking for, there's an African-American there.

African-American man.

Excuse me?

There's a black man there who I was supposed to talk to.

Sir?

Yeah?

I don't know quite what you mean,

and I would prefer that you not call with those kind of slurs or whatever.

No, well, there's an African-American.

That's not a slur.

All right.

No.

What the hell?

Oh, you've got to call her back.

That sounds like an old diddy.

An old diddy.

I'll call her back.

I want some drugs.

Hang on, let me try to get to the bottom of this.

Yeah, is there an Asiatic man there?

Sir, if you continue to call this number, you're going to go to jail.

No, I'm not.

There's a black man.

It's terrorist threat over my phone.

That's why I'll tell the police.

What are you talking about, you stupid cunt?

Right, let me do it.

I'll call up, but look at the drugs.

All right, I'll call it.

I guess that guy, that sucks, he's changed his number

And we never talk to the crazy addicts again anymore

It's okay, we'll have fun with her

Hello, Trivi Vice, man

Hey, listen, hey man, what's up?

It's Cross, how you doing?

Hey man, who was it? Is that your old lady?

Oh, is she mad at me or whatever?

We've been waiting on you to call me and my partner

Your partner?

Oh, that's a man?

You know the one that was on the phone with me last time

Oh yeah, what's up, what's he doing?

Hold on, hold on, hold on

Alright, cool, we're going to talk to the partner

I'm on.

Huh?

You put him on?

Hey, call me back.

I'm going to click my partner in in a second.

You want me to call you back or you want me to hang on?

Yeah, in about three minutes.

In about three minutes.

All right, brother, man.

I'll call you back.

All right.

That's a fucked up thing.

We tried calling him for the anniversary show last week.

He's late.

I don't know.

He is late.

I always like the brothers to be late.

God.

I got a bunch of questions.

I got a whole list of questions to ask him.

First of all, why do they talk so much in a movie theater?

Right?

We've got to ask about that.

I want to ask him about Tupac also.

One of his thoughts on Tupac Shakur and on Sherman Hemsley dying from, you know, the Jeffersons.

George Jefferson.

I want to see what he thought about George Jefferson.

But three minutes.

Milkman, put that on the board.

Three minutes.

All right.

Count down.

Hey, Carlito.

Hey.

Hey, can I do a quick call before I go to bed?

Because I've got to go to bed in a minute.

Sure.

Because I'm going to be getting tired.

Sure.

Anything you want.

Oh, granny's preferably.

oh great i don't know that i got old grannies here we got an old woman here we go john

the the name here is john moyle but apparently an old woman answered this is in london england

all right okay go for it all right john moyle's the name an old woman answered though so i guess

it's mrs moyle let answer there you go have fun you got like two and a half minutes okay we're

gonna call the angry guy back hello there is a specific householder here yes hello there um

Just a quick return call, we're actually going to be doing the gas pipes tomorrow, well, as of today.

Just a quick call to let you know that we'll be cutting off your power and the gas for today.

Have you managed to get yourself some supplies, just for the five hour period?

Have you got the right address?

Yes, yes, yes, we're calling all the people in your street.

Which street is that? Which street is it?

14 Buxton Road.

It's the opposite of the road, and I'm just bringing it up to let you know.

Where are you doing?

It's 40...

Hello, I'm sorry, I'm not with you.

It's so early in the morning.

What's it all about?

It's Buxton Road, I'm sorry.

40 Buxton Road.

40 Buxton Road, my supervisor tells me.

We're just doing some gas maintenance and some electric maintenance,

so we'll be shutting off your electric for five and a half hours.

The whole street?

Yes, the whole street.

It's just so we can get some maintenance working

It's for the Olympics

It's to do with the phone lines

We've got not enough phone lines for the ops

So we'll be doing it tomorrow

We did send out a letter

Did you receive it?

No, no

Oh, I do apologise about that

Are you sure you've got the right address?

Yes, yes, I just told you your address

I'm sorry, look, I'm in the middle of something

I can't listen to any more at the moment

You'll have to find another time

No, you're not going to have a electric

I got one more, do one more

Lillian Smith

I'll give you the address

7 Parkway Crest

That's all I got

7 Parkway Crest, Lillian Smith

Here we go

After this, our good friends

The Angry Asiatics

What was the name again?

Lillian Smith

7 Parkway Crest

What's a crest?

C-R-E-S

Hello, hello there

Hello there, is that Mr Smith?

Thank you.

Hello there, my name's Mike, I'm calling from the Electric Board and the Gas Company.

Just a quick call to make sure you've received our letters, we said earlier in the week about

the disconnection of the gas and the electric for five hours.

Excuse me?

Did you get our letter?

No, not yet.

Oh right, well to hear about that, I'm sorry about that.

Yeah, we've actually got some maintenance work planned out in about an hour on your street.

We've called in everybody there to make sure they've got water supplies and they've made sure we're taking everything out of the freezer.

It's going to be on...

When's it going off today?

Yeah, yeah, it'll be gone off at half past six.

This morning?

Yes, it's gone off for five and a half hours.

Okay.

Have you made sure you've got enough water?

We're going to do it right now, mate.

You're running that right now, are you?

What about your Frozens?

Have you made sure you've put them safe?

I was a bit late there, mate.

Did you pull up?

I've just put someone else on it now.

He's telling them to shut the door.

What's going on?

Hello?

Hello.

Sorry, I could hear the lady in the background.

Is that...

Yes, you're in, isn't it?

Oh, right.

Okay, okay, yeah.

Well, we'll be shutting off for half past six.

Okay, mate.

It's going off for about, like I said, five and a half hours.

Is that your partner on the phone?

is that that i can hear it's not understand it's your hand oh it's all right oh sorry about that

or somebody in the middle whatever whatever difference is listen it might be a cross

connection can you just um do me a favor uh i can give you a call back in a minute just

can you just make sure to go downstairs now um and fill up as much water as you can in um

plastic bottles because we've got uh okay so i'm gonna move that because we don't know we're

They're shutting off the water, the gas.

Okay.

I'll come in and look at you.

All right.

You're going to be fine.

He's going to do that.

The other client's on the line still.

Are you there, old lady?

Sorry.

Hello there.

Hello.

She dropped off.

She was there the whole time from before.

That's who you heard.

She said, they're shutting off the water.

That's who it was.

It was that lady.

That lady again.

Yeah, go ahead.

All right.

There we go.

Let me call the Asiatics here.

Are you staying on, AMD, or you got to go?

Well, I got to let my missus get some kit.

But I'll be listening anyway to the end, but I'm going to sign off now.

All right.

Take care, brother.

Bye.

Love you all.

See you all later.

Bye.

Hello.

What's going on?

What's up with you?

What's up with it?

I couldn't catch him.

Oh, you couldn't catch him?

Damn.

Damn, I don't know.

I don't know, man.

What have you been up to?

Everything's all right?

Yeah.

I've tried to call you a few times.

You don't ever pick up.

Oh, no.

The phone line was messed up for a while.

Oh, you didn't pay it?

You couldn't pay it?

No, I can pay mine like you pay yours.

No, you can't pay with food stamps.

That's why, right?

You can't pay with dog hair either, huh?

Oh, I guess not, but, you know, whatever,

because I'm a monkey fucker or whatever it is that I am.

Why would you even say something like that?

You was the first monkey, that's why.

No, okay, whatever.

I had a few questions for you.

Now, first of all, do you think Tupac Shakur is still alive?

Do you think?

I think he is.

Do you think he's alive?

I think he's alive.

I think he's coming back, yeah.

Yeah, did you like Tupac at all?

Do you like his music?

Yeah, do you think Al is still alive?

No, Elvis ain't alive.

If he didn't die then, he's dead by now.

And I think the truth is Little Richard stole rock and roll music from him, though.

He what?

I think that he stole Little Richard, you know?

He stole all this music from Elvis.

How do you figure that?

He was before Elvis.

Because Elvis was the king.

How do you figure that?

He does.

Rock and roll started with blacks.

No way, man.

Okay.

Then why is it white people music?

Why is it what?

White people listen to rock and roll, and the blacks listen to hubba-bubba and all that.

White people listen to rap.

Well, yeah, but black people don't listen to rock and roll.

That's a lie.

That's not true.

I listen to rock and roll.

The Beatles.

Tell me who.

The Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Elvis.

Way before them.

These are the people that started rock and roll music.

That's a lie.

The Monkees.

The Monkees were white.

That's a lie, man.

That's the whole thing.

They say the Monkees are black.

That's not true.

With this music shit, I already know you don't know your shit.

I do.

I'm completely...

No, you don't.

Not with the music.

The blues were started by Hispanics.

Look up...

Listen.

Look at the age.

Look at...

Rock and roll.

Look at the age Paul McCartney is and Lil' Richard.

Rock and roll started in the 1970s by the Beatles.

That's right.

Way before then.

That's true.

It's true.

Way before then it started.

Chuck Berry.

I could keep going online.

Chuck Berry.

Lil' Richard.

Didn't Chuck Berry...

So Chuck Berry, he was taking pictures of women peeing, right?

I don't know nothing about that.

You don't know about Chuck Berry doing that?

How did that happen?

Chuck Berry was taking pictures of women peeing and everything like that.

You don't know your...

All right, now we move on to George Jefferson, Sherman Hemsley.

He died recently.

Do you have any comments on that?

What about it?

Bad or...

Yeah, it is bad.

He was an original racist.

That's a damn lie.

He was the original...

He was so racist.

He always talked bad racist stuff about good white people all the time.

What about Archie Bunker?

No, that was just an act, but Sherman Hemsley really was a racist.

Don't he got reasons to be?

I don't see why.

Why?

Why would he?

All the shit y'all did.

The man was rich.

And still doing it.

He was on TV.

He was rich.

Out of all the stuff y'all did, y'all lucky that people only say racist remarks.

What about Nell Carter?

Who?

Nell Carter.

What about her?

She's a Jew.

Who?

She's Jewish.

Nell Carter.

Does that piss you off?

How's she Jewish?

Nell Carter's a Jew.

How do you figure that?

Because she came out and said she's a Jew.

She ain't no Jew.

You know who Nell Carter is?

You know who I'm talking about?

Yeah, from Give Me a Break.

Yeah, she's Jewish.

She's a lesbian Jew.

She ain't no Jew.

Yeah, she is.

She might practice the religion.

She's Jewish, then.

She came out.

She wears the Star of David.

You see, you don't know your history.

You don't know anything about how more African-American you are.

Oh, yeah.

I'm the blackest man here on this phone line right now.

How do you figure that?

Because I know way more about black people, history, and everything.

I know y'all history is written in blood.

Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves, and 100 years later, Martin Luther King...

That's another lie.

And then Martin Luther King came over 100 years later, and he finished the job.

And that's black history.

That's another lie. That's another lie.

What about Michael Jackson? What are your thoughts on Michael Jackson?

Abraham Lincoln didn't free no slaves. He slaved at gunpoint.

They made him sign a contract to free the slaves.

No. The Civil War was fought because of slaves.

And blacks fought in that war, too. Y'all didn't free us.

I remember I hit this kid in the eye in the 6th grade.

He was talking about, we freed you guys.

I was like, boom.

Is that what you're saying?

Yeah, right.

You didn't free us.

We freed ourselves.

A lot of blacks died in that war.

I don't know.

Black people were in Africa.

They didn't have any God.

They didn't have any religion.

They didn't have any languages.

That's another lie.

They didn't have language or culture or civilization.

And the good white people taught them all of that.

Man.

man. We taught you guys

that. Y'all are savages.

But how did the Africans become

slaves and they got over here and they couldn't speak English?

Y'all were savages, man. Let alone

the AIDS. Yeah, and the AIDS

was... Y'all started that.

No, Africa, the

Africans... That came from homosexual

and it's man-made. And it's man-made.

Yeah, but Africans, that's why. Gay Africans

did it. Man, that started with y'all.

Now, why do so many Africans

have AIDS more than Americans, then?

Homosexuality started

I started with y'all.

So you guys invented everything, including AIDS and homosexuality, right?

That's y'all.

All right.

Did we do anything good?

Now, listen.

Use the faith and put it on the right people.

We wallowed them.

That's us.

Y'all started AIDS.

That's y'all.

How many black people went to the moon?

Huh?

How many black people went to the moon?

You mean how many black people went to the moon?

No, none.

We've already been to the moon.

No black people went to the moon.

We've already been to the moon.

We won the race to the moon.

Black people didn't go to the moon.

They still haven't made it.

We've been to the moon.

You know who's been to the moon?

Black people have been there, and the Chinese are going to go there,

and black people are still...

We already went.

We're the first ones.

I might have got to the bird.

We've been to the moon already.

All right.

If you say so.

Why white people can't figure out how the pyramids made?

They won't ever be able to figure it out.

Well, the Africans made it.

The satanic Africans made them.

Yeah.

They might have been satanic.

They've been to the moon first.

Whatever.

I like it in my arm.

Are you going to vote?

What do you think?

You don't want to vote?

Why don't you vote?

You should vote.

You don't like Barack Obama, right?

You don't like him?

Fuck Dick Cheney.

What about Barack Obama, though?

I want to fuck Dick Cheney in the ass with a broom.

What about Barack Obama?

You're a fucking bitch.

Look, look.

I'm going to tell you how your mindset, how your people's mindset is fucked up and it

never changed.

Dick Cheney is going to say Barack Obama is one of the weakest presidents ever.

I don't know how to fuck him.

But you know why he said that?

Because there's no other reason but skin color.

Well, we tried to call you last week.

And pull his ass all up and feed his ass until he busts.

Last week was our seven-year anniversary radio show on the internet,

and we tried to call you.

Man, stop lying, man.

You ain't got no radio show.

Yeah, we do.

You lying, man.

Yeah, we do.

If you have your computer, I'll send you to the site right now.

You sent me to a motherfucking homosexual site the last time.

No, I didn't.

You put it in wrong.

Put it in wrong.

I think you put it in wrong on the computer, yeah, to be honest.

I think you were so gay.

I think you actually, you did put it in wrong, didn't you?

Did you?

Your mom was over there last night.

Actually, did I put it in right?

See, my mom died recently.

That's not nice to say.

Stop lying.

Yes, she did.

She died in May.

How old was your mom?

She was 61.

Was she racist?

No, she was half black.

There you go with that again.

She was part black.

She's Puerto Rican.

We have African in them.

We have African in us.

I'm Puerto Rican.

You come from us.

I know.

I'm not saying I don't come from you.

I have African in me, too.

I have nigger in me.

That's fine.

There's nothing wrong with that.

So basically, you're a nigger, right?

I'm probably like a one-quarter, maybe.

You're a one-quarter.

Yeah.

Once you got a little bit in you, you're black.

Oh, boy.

Can you jump high like us?

Like who?

Like you guys?

You guys have the special bone and all that in your leg?

Is that what you're talking about?

Can you jump high like us?

You know it.

True.

Anything that's got to do with jumping.

And you guys, well, you know, if you put an animal up against a human,

the animal has certain things that they're better at, right?

They're faster.

That's why that happens.

And we can outthink you.

That's your biggest fear.

I don't know.

That's your biggest fear.

But I get it to the white man.

They know how to divide and conquer.

Will you trust me and I'll send you to our website, our show?

You lying, man.

Do you get your computer or your computer?

Let me get a pen.

I'm ready now.

Well, you got to go now, though.

Can you go now?

What's the name of it?

It's called bluewaffle.net.

A minute.

All right.

I know of some faggot shit.

No, no, this isn't gay.

What y'all doing?

Sitting in the room jacking each other off?

No, no, no.

I'm far away from the other guy.

The mulatto, the John's home.

Do you know the guy you say you want to use at John's home?

He had another.

You had a mulatto on there.

Yeah, he's on now.

Milkman, say hi to him.

Milkman.

He's probably busy.

He's butt-fucking himself.

He might be.

See, that's him right there.

He's your biggest fan.

Hold on, hold on.

I'm going to call you.

I can call you on that 612 number, right?

The 612 number?

I think it's a 612 number show.

702 number.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hold on, I'm going to call you back.

I'm going to get my part on the phone.

All right.

He's been asking about you guys.

Oh, he has?

Yeah.

Well, we got a new number, though, I got to give you.

Hold on.

702.

Let me see here.

Give me seconds.

A new number.

All right.

702.

18.

Yeah.

We'll call you right back.

All right.

Bye.

It's better when the other guy's on there because he riles the other.

The one riles the other one.

Yeah, 1-800-MEAT-SPIN.

I should have sent it to the tub girl.

We'll see if he calls back soon.

I want to give him the real website, but some people would know.

I think Jill said, no, I wouldn't do that.

Would there be any trouble with that if we did that?

You think?

You think we'd be in any trouble if he had the real number to call?

I don't think so, right?

if he had a real website

they've sent orders before

legally to shut the show down

yeah that's true

yeah he sent an order

well we'll wait for that call

we're going to call Mr. Windsor

DJ Windsor in Chelmsford

England here we go

I'm getting tired anyway

oh shit I never called the fucking Andy's number

damn I'm going to call him now

after this one I'll call him

is this DJ Windsor

yeah let's make a request

Here you go.

I'd love to hear some slow jams, please.

You ever get that one before?

That was fucking gay.

That was stupid.

Why did I even do that?

He's only heard that a thousand times since he was born.

All right, we'll call Janet King instead,

because I doubt he's going to answer again.

Bored with my show already.

No, bullshit.

I'm going to call Andy's white trash ex-girlfriend.

Hang on.

Andy's white trash ex-girlfriend.

Here we go.

She work at the truck stop still?

No, she's a lot lizard.

She used to be.

She got arrested.

Oh.

You're tired, huh?

Yeah, she's tired.

And we're going up.

She's got a record now.

Enjoy this Verizon ringtone while your party is reached.

They ever since I can't remember, I've been ballin' like, like, like, like, like,

Hello? Hello?

Oh, Taylor. Taylor, are you there?

Taylor?

It's been happening a lot tonight, right?

Like, calls connect and you just sit there for a while

and then finally start talking.

You can do it at Verizon Ringback, Joan, while you're part of your speech.

Hey, ever since I can't remember, I've been ballin' like, like, like, like, like

Party plane, campaign, and, and, and, and, and, and

Ballin' like a motherfucker

Taylor. Hello, Taylor.

Nothing.

Well, I tried, Andy. Better late than never, but I tried.

If you're still listening, I tried.

They got Janet King, as I said before.

Let's try her out.

She's probably getting overtime in right now.

She's on the job?

All right.

I'm starting to get tired.

Well, I hope you folks have enjoyed Madhouse tonight.

Alright. Hello? This is Janet.

Who? Is Janet there?

Don't live here. Is this Mr. King?

Huh? Is this Janet King or

Mr. King? Who is this? No, you got the wrong

number, mate. Oh, I got the wrong number?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How long have you had...

Hey, stupid. How long have you had this phone for?

Hello, what? How long have you had

this stupid phone for? What, phone?

Yeah, your stupid phone number. How long

have you had it for? What do you mean?

What do you mean? Well, because I'm trying to call

Janet and you're answering, so what's going on?

Well, she don't live here, but I don't know her.

Well, how long have you had this number for in your name?

This one?

Yeah.

This number?

Yeah.

Three months?

Yeah.

So four months ago, Janet had the number.

Yeah.

I assume so. I don't know.

Can you give it back to her?

Do what? No.

Well, I need to talk to her.

No, not her number.

Well, do you have any information on who used to have the number?

Do I?

Do you have any information on who had this number?

It's mine.

No, it ain't mine.

But you've only had it for three months.

Yes, it's mine.

Janet had it for three years.

I don't know.

She did.

I know she did.

I don't know.

It's just my number.

Well, Janet used to have the number for like three years.

Look, look, look, look.

Don't bother me.

It's my number.

Please go away.

I'm not trying to bother you.

Listen, there's something important I've got to tell you then.

Eh?

I've got to tell you something important then.

Well, go ahead and tell me what it is then.

You stupid asshole.

Well, I don't need a situation in the way of some prats like you.

You're a shit.

Now go away.

It's my number.

Leave me alone.

Now go away, you stupid man.

You shithead.

You stupid man.

You stupid girl.

Do you know what time in the morning it is?

Do you know?

Do you know what time it is?

Waiting for the Asiatics to call in, and that gives me an idea.

Let's call some old phone numbers that I've had in my life.

Let's start off with the phone number in my old apartment that me and Andy used to live in.

Here we go.

I still remember this number.

Let me ask for Andy.

Let's ask for Andy.

There you go

I'm curious

Let's do my old phone number from when I was a kid

I'm going to ask for Carlos

Let's see if they're like

Fuck I keep calling for Carlos

Shut up

You think someone would have that number by now

What are the numbers

I don't know like 10 years

I don't know

It's been a long time

uh let me think there's only two numbers i don't think let's call my old friend's number

back in the day there's a guy who's shooting his microwave let's see if jason's still at

his number no i mean i'm sure he's not i haven't talked to jason since high school

but i remember his number still reached is temporarily unavailable please try again

nope nope who else can i call milkman i don't remember andy's old phone number so i can't

help you there yeah well there you go there goes that idea look at that all the all the

The old numbers are still disconnected.

You'd think someone else would have these numbers by now.

I got a number here from Maureen King.

Yes, hi.

I was looking for Maureen King.

No, I'm afraid so.

Is this the right number?

Bye.

Is this the right number?

That sounds promising.

Let me call it again.

Yeah, I was trying to confirm if Maureen is at this number or if I have the wrong number.

Wrong number, I'm afraid, I think.

Yeah, bye.

How long you had this number for?

All right.

We'll call Janet King again, the guy that I had the argument about just now,

but he's only had the phone for three months.

Let's see.

Yeah.

No answer there.

The last thing I can think of, let's call this number

that used to be where I used to work at.

I bet you it doesn't work. My old job

back in high school.

Yeah, I work at Dairy Queen.

You went to Dairy Queen.

God, I don't get it.

Well, we're done.

We're done. We're out of here.

Okay? We're done.

Thank you, everyone.

Oh, yeah, Ken, you're out of here on your ass, man.

thanks for being on

take care

I'll send you that

send me the email

don't forget to send

the email

send it out already

alright

I'll check it later

thanks man

I'll take care of that

tomorrow

Milkman

we're out of here

take us out of here

please

bye

hurry up

alright my friend

there you have it

folks

wasn't that another

great adventure

right here

that's right

I told you

hermanito

well I'd like to

thank everybody

for stopping in

all our friends

there

90.6 the mouth

the chat

I'd like to thank

especially

Especially the membership, man.

I don't want to lose out.

Good to do it.

That's my brother.

Thank you for all you do.

And I'd like to thank you.

That's right.

All our friends over at Syndicate and Cactus Radio.

Everybody else that might be along the way.

Thank you so much.

A lot of good numbers.

A&B, thanks for stopping in, man.

You're crazy.

As usual.

Great show.

But especially I'd like to thank you.

That's right.

Our listeners.

We do this every week.

Most interactive radio show you can find right here on the internet.

that you know all we do ask that you give us a time we're gonna drop the dime baby and everybody

what we do without you my friend you are the generalissimo of the madhouse my brother thank

you so much my brother thank you there we go all right well that's it for milkman i guess that's a

short one um yeah so thanks everybody on cacti radio cacti radio.com yeah uh blue planet blue

Blue Planet Prank Radio.

BluePlanetPrankRadio.com.

And we are, of course, 98.6 in math.

Those milk buttons are ready.

Big thanks to Lonesome Loser, Nunu, everyone who sent in numbers, A&B.

Thanks for sitting in with us, as well as Ken.

Everyone who sent in numbers.

Too many of you to name right now, but thank you all.

And a big special thanks to Ham and Eggs.

Ham and Eggs.

All right.

And whoever sent the Domino's number, forgetting who that was, but good on you, man.

That was kind of cool.

Yeah.

Alright, well, we're out of here. I'm leaving.

I know I'm leaving, Milkman. I don't know where you're going.

You stay here, Milkman, okay?

Alright, brother. Thanks a lot, man.

Awesome. Alright. Good night, everybody.

We'll catch you here next week.

Bye.

Calls (26, 1 h 24 min of 2 h 51 min)

Transcript

Comments 0