No, YOU Shut Up! – 9/27/12 Show - Madhouse Live Search

I know how I need to handle fucking people, okay?

When you give me the book, I'll hit you in the head with the book, like, twice.

Oh, you're nuts.

Shut up, you.

You shut up.

You idiot.

You shut up.

You idiot.

Shut up, you.

I'm gonna...

No, you shut up.

I'm not playing no fucking games, man.

I, I fuck you, son of a bitch.

Stop making us get the cardings.

You're out of your crazy mind.

You ain't getting no goddamn dollars.

I'll fuck you.

All my blocks.

You're not perfect.

What are you?

Piss off.

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

Hey, stupid.

You're listening to Night Is Stupid, and you know who you are, stupid.

Hey, stupid.

Who is the stupid one, Milkman?

You tell me.

Ah, Hermione's the one, the stupid one.

Hey.

I don't know anybody who's been here besides me and Hermione, though.

It's so good to hear your fabulous, melodious tone.

You know, you chased away...

you chased away

Tuck

you chased away

Mike Tucker

what the fuck

do you want

Mike Tucker

with your attitude

against him

and now you're

now you got

Nunu

I don't know

what the fuck

his problem is

but I'll tell you

what if he ever

shows up again

on my show

God

be nice

he's going through

a lot of problems

man

I love these

motherfuckers

they don't know

me like

E.B. Carly

or Hermano

and the

Kramer

also

I do a

good shot

to my brother

and long love

Hermano

and this is

There's definitely an amount of years in my life, though.

But you guys all know, you and the screaming nerds.

Hey, man, I'm kind of rough.

I'm kind of jagged on the outside.

I got a heart of gold.

You got a heart of gold.

So don't take it personally.

Just follow those motherfuckers.

Big guy, take it easy, man.

I'm refilling my, uh...

Get the fuck in the room!

No games tonight!

Lighter here.

Now, seriously, though, man.

Hey, Mata, you got a little off-putter in mind, man.

That's both.

I have a chat right now, man.

Look at the screamer.

he got some guy in there

you and the screamer

we're being honored

and praised

one and the only

Milkman

you and screamer

in the chat room

before the show

blah blah blah

and screaming

and this and that

and I'm loud

and I'm screamer

and I'm from Georgia

I'm a screamer

and Georgia screams

you got a little

more perspective

into it

well you know that

listen this is

Madhouse Radio

and I gotta come up

with a

I got two

two special cigars

here tonight

let's see

we got a 10 year

xeno platinum that just came out this week which i've heard very good things it's got a nicaraguan

wrapper and peruvian uh tobacco and it's got good reviews but it's a 60 gauge ring which i'm not a

big fan of but i picked it up right here it looks very nice no miss a handsome looking cigar and i

got good feedback about it how come your video stream's not on dude i don't see no cigar on there

And, you know, as another mental note here, a side note, the Marietta Scream is also a very big cigar aficionado.

And I did tell him about you and your endeavors with the cigars.

And I'm just wondering why I don't see you on the videos.

No, the video is working.

And I also want to point out that if you do want to see a big stogie and smogged up, if not the Marietta Scream is smogging, look for the MRN info at housewives.com.

It's cigar night, yes, but the video is working.

everybody out in the chat room let me know video's working just press the button are you wearing a

black shirt are you wearing a black shirt tonight it's a dark blue but sure yeah you can call it

black yes oh okay that's me okay i thought i was looking at old feet no no that's new feet and then

i also got avo here um avo uh they got a 25 year uh anniversary edition cigar that came out

about two weeks ago i've had a few of these they're really good it's a little bit of a long

i might do this one instead uh because it's a little bit longer so it'll last the whole show

i think i had one i think i had one of these last week actually i think that's the cigar i smoked

last week i didn't have one of my um i didn't have one of the rocky patels last week which

they're okay i'm getting tired of that indian his fucking cigars uh this this new avo 25 year

the box

I'm trying to get on the

I'm pretty good with the cigar shop owner

we're pretty good friends

and I'm trying to get on his good side

because every once in a while

if I take the last cigar out of the box

he doesn't like to keep

empty cigar boxes on the case

in the humidor

so he'll say

you took the last one, take the box

the box that these can't come in

it's like this nice dark glossy

piano

piano shaped mahogany kind of wood case um so i'm trying it looks really really fucking awesome

man you gotta look it up i may i don't know if you guys are interested someone wants to look at

it look up the avo avio 25 anniversary edition uh cigar the the box it comes in is really cool

this is by um avo what's his name uvezian i believe he's lebanese originally from he

He hails from Lebanon, and he came to the States.

Are they lesbians?

You said, are they lesbians?

I'm a lesbian.

Yep, that's the guy.

Yep.

I wonder how they cure those lesbian cigars.

I don't know.

Andy, you want me to mail it?

What are you going to do with the box?

You don't even know what to do.

You don't even like cigars, Andy.

You're like, eh, I'm going to put my...

You don't even like football.

What are you talking about, man?

I'm going to put my receipts in here.

That's Andy.

I need somewhere to put my receipts in.

My Nike box is full.

All my receipts.

All right, well, we're here.

It was all of his gas, all of his driving gas receipts in there, folks.

His free, yeah, I got a friend who's a truck driver.

Not Andy, another guy that drives trucks also.

And he says that he gets, when he fills up at, what's the famous truck stop place?

TJ, what's it called?

T-T-TJ?

You know what I'm talking about?

T-A?

Oh, Flying J.

Flying J.

Well, there's a T-A also, right?

Isn't there a T-A or something like that?

There's a T-A.

Turns out, Gain and J's.

I think they're close.

yeah yeah that's true but he says i think like with ta like if you if you get fuel if you if

you gas up there they give you a free uh coupon to get to go in and take a shower he says what

he told me and he said he's got like all these like he's like i'd never take a shower in those

damn places he's actually the the guy he's an older gentleman and he retired he actually was

He worked in the IT industry back in the old school, back in the 80s and early 90s, and he retired.

He's back from the old school, back where I went to high school.

He retired, and he said, I'm doing all right.

His wife passed away, I think, within less than a year after he retired.

It was just him and his dog, and he took some of the life insurance money and bought a truck and a semi,

and he's like, I'm just going to go on the road.

i got nothing what the fuck am i gonna do the house i'm all depressed you got and he would

know he would come by i used to work at a grocery store my first real job was at a grocery store

bagging groceries and he'd come by uh to stock up there and he's like hey what's up carlito like

hey man he told me like where he was going that week and uh but anyway yeah he um he keeps in

touch with me via facebook still and he was telling me recently he's got all these receipts

but he would never ever take a shower he says the those places are nasty take a shower he says you

gotta wear he says you gotta wear shoes and socks when you go take a shower it's that bad

like you would not want to go in barefoot whatsoever those places oh my god your foot

would rot off yeah i guess andy really likes those group showers man he's on the floor

he's quite awesome man the group shower well he said he always gets a hotel room though he says

He doesn't get the nicest hotel rooms all the time, but he's got enough money.

He's well off enough where, you know, he just gets a hotel room when he does.

He doesn't do a lot of overnight trips anymore anyway.

He does mostly, he only goes a few states up, a few states down.

So, there you go.

I was wondering about that, man.

How in the hell did you get all those people in there?

They just got one novel.

How in the hell did you get a group shower going in a TA like that?

Andy, you ought to tell us about that.

Ask Andy.

Be nice to Andy, man.

Come on.

He's hanging out with us again and stuff, you know?

All right, Andy, all right, you can tell us about it, man.

We love you, man.

No one will tell about your belt buckle and your belt.

Okay.

All right, so good thing you have Lonesome Losers here early tonight.

He has an early night tonight.

That's good.

I understand.

Yeah, Jim Stewart is here.

Jim, hey, Jim.

Jim was worried he wasn't going to make it tonight.

He was really tired, so he didn't know he was going to make it.

Jim, if you want to be on, if you're not too tired, let me know.

Give a Skype in.

Jim's allowed to Skype in early.

He's VIP.

these manhouse staff dude oh yeah before i forget two things about jen number one what a great show

milkman i know you were listening i think you actually called in didn't you call in i heard

great show i i listened to it while i was doing some errands around the house i was doing some

chores i put it on the ipad and i turned on the stream on the ipad i was you know put it you know

I had it around the house with me.

Had a great time live.

Jen did a show on Sunday, the No Donkeys show.

Great job, Jen.

And he also, the second thing is he also uploaded some pranks to YouTube that are pretty good.

I believe they're new.

They didn't sound like older pranks to me.

They sounded like new pranks.

I don't know if, I didn't recognize any of them from the Sunday show.

I don't know if they were new ones he did during the week.

Maybe we'll ask him if he calls in.

Or if he's in the chat room, let us know.

Man, this guy's got so many calls, dude.

He's got calls he did from before.

he's got calls he did during the time

he's got calls after

he's got calls after the show man

he's got new calls

he's got the latest calls

he's got calls above

he's got

he's got calls he did above the show

below the show, inside the show

all around the show

yeah

everywhere, all over the place

he's got

he's got pranks that he did that weren't even close to the show

man weren't even in the same fucking uh dimension that's how many pranks he's got well i don't know

where i'm going with this so i don't either dude but it sounds damn good i'm sorry if you missed

it guys you definitely don't want to miss the next jim stewart donkey i didn't check today

i didn't check jim stewart.com today but uh i'm sure jim will be posting that for those who missed

a lot of people were on facebook guys shit i missed it um so be sure to download it if you

haven't put it up already and then hopefully jim uh let us know if you're going to do another

another show this sunday uh noon eastern noon east noon eastern standard time here in the states

9 a.m pacific and i i don't know i think that's 5 p.m uh gmt and what time is it gmt right now

because i know before the show starts i got that little that that that that thing that i don't

know what to call it before the show starts on the video feed instead of showing the video me

walking around on my boxers here it shows you know it says you know live pranks tonight and

And it's got the time in Eastern, 10 p.m., 7 p.m. Pacific, 10 p.m. Eastern, and then it says 5 p.m. GMT.

It should be around four or five hours from you.

I think it's, what, five hours, right?

Well, it says 5 p.m. GMT, but I think all this time it's really 3 p.m.

I think it says 5 a.m. GMT, but I'm pretty sure it's 3 a.m. GMT.

It doesn't matter because by the time I call GMT.

I think it's five hours ahead of you.

It should be.

Should it be, like, three?

I don't know.

So whatever five hours ahead of your time is now.

Now, let's see, you are at 10, yeah, so it would be 2 o'clock.

Okay, gotcha.

Oh, Jen's been trying to call you.

Oh, 3 o'clock, 3 o'clock, yeah, 3 o'clock, 3 o'clock, yeah.

All right, well, I've got to fix that for next time.

Remind me, Milkman, put that on the big board, please.

Put that on the big board.

All right, all right, okay, all right, I've got to try.

Hey, I'll send you a task here in Gort.

Oh, yes, Gort, send me a Gort.

Shout out to Gort.

Yeah, you've got to use it before the account expires, man.

Got to use it before they shut it down, man, because the Fed's already all over it, man.

A lot of those people are transferring a lot of music files on there and stuff.

Gee, I cannot believe the speed.

It's just amazing, dude.

Instant, instant stuff.

Jen, are you on Gort yet?

Jen Stewart should be here.

Jen, no donkeys on Gort, I think he is.

Jen, take yourself off of mute.

Come on, Jen.

Come on.

Try to be professional here.

Oh, you're the nice thing also.

You know, I'm on and off.

I'm not wrong.

Am I right?

right? Doesn't Jim Stewart have

his website back up? The JimStewart.com?

Is that not his, like, portal

to communicate with him during shows,

et cetera, or am I wrong? Something like that.

JimStewart.com, I believe, yep.

That's what I understand and heard and believe.

Yes. I'm not sure how accurate

that is. That's what I believe, though.

Well, maybe if everybody goes and checks his username

at JimStewart.com, you know, you can leave

him an email or Twitter or let him know

that, you know, you enjoyed the show or

you're glad to hear him back or he's

He's back with the Madhouse.

He did so well in the Olympics, you know.

Just give him a holler.

There you go.

Three in the UK times, those Joey memes.

All right, good.

I've got to change that.

Listen, we've got a lot of numbers coming in already from Lonesome Loser.

Let's capitalize on those while we wait on Request a Pranks to come in.

Lonesome is starting off the night.

English writing lessons.

Julie is offering writing lessons.

Maybe Cross or Eddie can write her.

There you go.

There you go, Milkman.

I know you'd like that.

Yeah.

Maybe she thinks she's British.

Oh, God.

British girls.

Nice.

Nice girls.

They rock.

They sound nice, yeah.

Too bad Jen doesn't like British girls.

Yeah.

Jen's objective.

Oh, my God.

How you doing there, Jenny?

Oh, now you can hear me.

What the fuck went on there?

It's because you did the show, and then everything went fucking perfect.

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe, uh, do you have a Mac?

Is that why?

I don't know.

What the hell would I have a Mac for?

Never touch that shit.

Thank you for introducing me to the show.

Yes, Jim Stevens on the line right now.

Good to have you.

Hey, this is Julie.

Leave me a message and I'll...

How's that English writing lesson?

She doesn't sound English to me.

Anyway, hey, Jen, so did you put the show up from Sunday?

Is it up?

No, I did.

Not the show, but I did put loads of prank calls onto YouTube by some new ones.

Some really good ones.

And me, Athena, and I listened to those last night.

Are those from the show or were they...

No, no, no.

No, I did those outside the show.

I did those extra.

Oh, wow.

Very good.

Did you like them?

Yes, I did because I like the ones.

There's one in particular where you just order food and you call back and you're like,

I'm not going to come pick it up.

It's like, why?

Yeah, I don't like Indian food.

I don't like Indian food.

That was good.

Yeah.

Stop.

Jay, do you mind if I play that real quick?

I don't want to steal your thunder.

I'll send you the link.

No, hold on.

I'll send you it straight away.

I've got it here.

Yeah, I'll post it and paste it into Skype.

Send me the link to that one, because I want to play it.

That one's really good, because the guy, he's actually pretty angry.

Yeah, he's pissed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where did you send the link at?

On Skype.

On Skype?

Not yet.

Yeah, I got it.

I got it.

You want me to put it into the chat?

Oh, I got it.

I was on the wrong side.

You blind fuck, that's why.

Here we go.

Let's listen to this real quick.

It's a nice short one.

Yeah, it's Mr. Stewart.

How are you?

I'm fine.

Yeah, I made an order about...

Yeah, yeah, it's ready.

Oh, I don't want it, though. I changed my mind.

You changed your mind, you ordered, and we already made it for you,

and now you are telling me that you changed your mind.

This is... I don't understand about that.

But I... because I don't... I actually... I remembered that I don't like any Indian food.

Sorry?

I don't like any Indian food.

You don't like Indian food, so why you ordered for this?

I didn't know.

I had forgotten that I didn't like it.

Didn't like it.

So before you make any order, you should understand that it's already been ordered.

Who is going to be, it's 26 pounds, 10 pounds, you ask me what the price is,

and after now, his food is ready, and now you are telling me this, you don't want it.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

No, that is real.

Do you know that?

This is the first time I ever had in my 25 years, somebody ordered,

and afterward, when the food is ready,

the person phoning us and said, I don't like it, Indian food.

this is what sort of you wanted no no i don't know what do you think you are yeah if i if i can

see you right now i'm gonna slap in your face you know that stomp it i'm telling you if you

are a cunt i'm telling you i'm gonna fucking face smash in your face if you want to if you

have a guts to see me i know i'm not coming because i don't want it i know i know but

i'm telling you you are a fucking cunt why do you say it like that you are listen yeah if i if i

If I get your number, right, if I get your number, 1471, I'm going to spoil your fucking life.

I'm telling you, you fucking bastard.

But listen, listen, what is the meaning of Durhalarhalar?

Very good, very good.

Yeah, you guys pretty upset that guy.

How much, do you remember, was it a big order?

Like, was it expensive or whatever?

No, it was £26, but I normally do it for, like, under £30.

That was one restaurant that had, like, a really bad reputation.

and, like, there's people saying the food was really bad and dry

and the service was really poor.

So it's only restaurants like that that I call.

Well, there you go.

Serves them right.

Good work, Jen.

Awesome.

Thanks, man.

I love that part where he's like, I'm going to smash your face,

and I just randomly said stomp it.

Yeah.

Fuck it up.

There you go.

So that's YouTube.com slash Jen Stewart, right?

Is that your name?

That's the one, yeah.

Channel name.

All right, everyone check that out.

Subscribe.

Subscribe, comment, and like,

and be sure to check out jenstuart.com, the site.

Let's continue on here.

We've got Request a Pranks coming in.

You can hear that little sound in the background.

It isn't a Windows XP computer turning off.

That's the email notification.

It really should change that.

It's kind of confusing.

I always thought you were restarting your PC or something every time.

Why does he keep restarting his computer?

That's what it is.

That's what it sounds like, right?

Yeah, it's a Chrome extension,

And that's the sound they put in there for it by default.

And you can fix it, but you have to go into the settings.

It's not in the settings.

It's like the configuration of Chrome.

You have to point it to another file that you have on your PC.

It's just a lot of work, and I never get around to it.

Anyway, we've got more writing lessons here.

Here we go.

Let's do this one.

Chelsea needs to teach someone how to write her big ass.

I guess this is off of Craigslist.

I think this is a donkey.

Whoever this guy is doesn't know how to or doesn't want to ride Big Chelsea, apparently.

Lonesome's having a good time here looking for riding numbers, so that's good.

That's good.

Good for Lonesome.

There you go.

Be sure to visit the site, madhouselive.com, if you're not already.

If you're listening some other way, that's where you go to tune in, of course, and send your requests.

Chat with everybody.

If you're listening and not chatting, get in the damn chat room.

Do that.

It's good, too.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Four.

No answer there.

We'll keep going.

Let's play some bed music here.

Get things going.

Moving right along.

Dude, I haven't even had a chance to edit last week's show.

I'm so behind.

I'm so busy with work.

It's crazy right now.

I know that feeling.

We've got writing lessons here.

You must have your own horse.

Horses.

You know dressage.

You need a horse to write or write control.

Is it dressage or dressage?

I thought it was dressage.

Dressage, dressage.

No, my mom does it, and she's really into it.

Like, she had, like, four horses at one point.

Yeah.

When we were living together, it was like, wow.

You know, she's really crazy about this dressage.

It's huge.

Dressage, you can really take the piss.

I know a lot about it.

It looks expensive to get into that.

I don't even know how that's an Olympic sport, because it's all about...

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Horses cost a lot of money, and I'm not just looking after them.

I mean, you can purchase the semen of a horse for up to 6,000, 7,000 pounds.

It's a good horse, you know?

Like a good father.

Just the semen.

It's a guarantee, right?

right? You're paying like 6,000 pounds

for it. It's crazy. Well, you could pay for the horse

itself. Just keep jerking it off. That's a good

idea.

Get milk, man. We should get into that, you know?

Get some horses.

Some horses, some ladies.

That's all you need.

Couple bottles.

Send that in the mail. Can you dehydrate that?

Will it work?

Just add water.

Hello.

Leave your name, number, and a brief message.

No horse riding tonight.

night doesn't look like we're getting anywhere we got more we got a lot of them western writing

big kim wants people how to ride her western style western style writing yay davi's trying

to get inside the the studio here he's not allowed in can i get in the inner sanctum

we got a miniature was a miniature ponies yeah shetland ponies yeah see if they do any

Yes, hi.

This is the pony riding place?

Yeah.

Well, riding lessons.

Okay.

Do I have to have a horse?

Because I have a horse, but he's not acting right lately.

Yeah, I just give actual riding lessons.

So you're looking for a horse trainer then, right?

Well, I need to learn to ride the horse.

I bought this horse off.

There's this guy named Takato.

He's a Puerto Rican guy in Tampa.

Tampa and he was he's got a lot of drug uh problems and debts and he has horses his they

call him Takato so I got a hold of him and I offered him a few bucks for his horse and he's

sending it but um he's they're going to be driving it over here pretty soon but apparently the horse

has been tormented they throw apples at the horse so he's got some psychological problems

yeah so I wanted to maybe you know get some experience on how to ride the horse

so that he isn't nervous like maybe how to talk to the horse be like hi how do you yeah well

well he's afraid of apples now oh that's usually one of their favorite snacks it's their favorite

food yeah yeah okay so you just um looking to take some lessons so that you can then learn how

to work with the horse right i want to be able to take and take control of the horse and not

not having misbehaved or anything like that.

Like, I want to learn how to spank the horse, you know,

and how to punish him and, you know, treat him, you know,

so he respects me.

I'm his master now.

Yeah.

Well, it sounds like you kind of have to, well, earn his respect first,

you know, his trust and respect.

I actually had a rescue horse at one point, too, that I, you know, took in.

And, you know, I went through a lot of stuff with him, too.

He was all head shy and everything.

You know, I don't know what he was doing before I got him,

What's head shy?

He puts his head down?

No, like, you know, it's like, you know, if he thinks you're going to smack him, he throws his head up.

It's just, you know, hard to touch his face at first.

And just, you know, but with, you know, so that sounds like that horse will, you know,

I guess you'll find out really when you get him just, you know, how bad it is, you know,

see what you've got to work with.

But it's, you know, you know, you've just got to take it easy and go slow with them.

And then just, you know, see, you know, how far you push them, you know, before, you know.

They said this guy that owned it, he used to smoke marijuana, and he would blow the smoke in the horse's face.

But is that bad, do you think, or do you think the horse is okay?

Oh, the horse is probably okay.

Do you think he's addicted?

I've heard people giving horses beer and stuff, and I've never done that, but...

Yeah, I don't know, because maybe, I thought if he likes marijuana, you know, maybe he likes, maybe that will calm him down, I don't know.

If there, I mean, is there a way to help horses smoke marijuana?

Like, is there a device I could put on them to blow smoke in them, in their face?

I've never asked anybody doing it, so I have no idea.

It's called shotgunning.

That's what they call.

You know when you smoke a joint and you blow the smoke out of someone's mouth?

Yeah.

I do it with my cats all the time.

They love it.

My cats, they get high and they start playing around.

Yeah.

So what do you recommend for like, at least for riding lessons, before I get the horse?

Is there anything me and you can do maybe to learn?

Well, have you ever ridden before?

No, never.

not a horse i've ridden another okay yeah i had a girl with a big fat ass on her i used to ride that

um

like i would sit on

on her back yeah there's a you know just a lot to riding horses you gotta learn how to control

and steer is it like getting behind a girl kind of you know is it the same like is there a lot

that goes with that so a lot of it that way well you think because i'm pretty experienced with that

you know how you know like have you done that before you know how you bent down in front of

the man on the bed and the guy comes behind yeah but we're talking writing lessons well

But I don't know what that's good with it.

Well, some guys call it writing, you know.

Maybe.

I don't know.

I think my husband would be.

Well, he doesn't do it like that.

I don't think he'd want me to talk about this.

Do you want me to talk to him?

Huh?

Can I talk to him?

No, he wouldn't be into that.

No, I just, I mean, if, does he, I mean, I just had a question for him about this.

Don't be shy.

It's okay.

Well, it's just turning from writing lessons to something I'm not comfortable with.

Doggy style?

Yeah, it's cool.

Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey?

No, I haven't.

Have you heard about it?

I've heard of the book.

Yeah.

Let's ask your husband real quick if he heard about it.

Well?

I mean, if this isn't going to be about writing lessons, then I'd rather not deal with you.

Well, I could learn.

I'd rather not talk to somebody else.

I mean, I could learn a few things from you this way.

I mean, if you think you'd be cool with it, I mean.

No, I don't think you would be.

No.

That's why I usually teach kids anyway.

Oh, could I watch?

Do you think he would do it and I could watch, maybe?

I think you should call somebody else.

What if I fed you an apple?

Can I feed you an apple?

No, I'm sorry.

She kind of sounded good to it for a while.

She was game for ages.

I can't believe that.

I think if her husband wasn't there, she would have been like, yeah.

You were like, you were like, you were like, oh, riding an ass is like riding a horse.

And she still stayed on the fucking phone.

Wow.

I was surprised.

That's why I think she was up for it.

And I think the husband might be.

She maybe, maybe she would have actually done it.

Shit, man.

Well, there you go.

Story of my life.

there you go jen you ever read uh 50 shades of gray you're into that kind of stuff

no man i watched pulling i told you oh yeah who needs to read when you watch it

good point the chat here says the chat here from k says uh come on sweetie don't be a bitch i'm

not talking about anal here i'm not talking about it i got the right idea i got the right target

i don't know that shit with the marijuana in the woods is there a device you can use to

and blow smoke in it.

Jesus.

Can you imagine

finding a way?

The shotgun

and the weed feed, dude.

A bunch of horses

would like to get out.

Horses are cool as hell, man.

A horse would be like,

oh, yeah.

You'd need a lot, though,

because the horse is huge.

Oh, man.

That's a lot of weed.

You had to feed it, right, Milkman?

Milkman's an expert

on cannabis now.

Milkman, right?

You'd probably just feed it,

feed the horse some brownies.

That's what I would do instead

to get the horse out.

Yeah, you'd have to put it

into the horse feed,

like into some...

Applesauce.

Sugar beet.

Yeah, they'll probably do it.

It's a pretty damn big horse.

You've got to remember, a horse is just about a ton, you know,

and they're probably, so that's a lot of medicating to do.

The problem is, if you did this, you might kill the horse,

because horses can't throw up.

They can't regurgitate.

So if you put it into the food, you'd probably kill it.

Oh, man.

If you put too much in it.

Well, I didn't know it didn't regurgitate.

I didn't know that.

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, poor horse.

Well, they've got a long neck.

I guess that's why.

poor guys yeah yeah it's the way they're built i guess that that's as rare as a horse blonde

i guess i never have seen a horse throw up though that's a good point um the reason i kind of laugh

when she says you know horses that's their favorite food their favorite snack there's a

stupid fucking i don't know why she's a liar that's not actually she's lying because carrots

oh well you would know in my experience there was this there's this arcade game that i played

um a few times by my house in orlando there was a bowling alley and they had an arcade games

and i went in once and they had this huge massive arcade game and it had enough room for eight

people to play at once and i check it out and i look at it and it's a it's a sega horse racing

game and you like like i'm like oh that's cool there was no one there and i went to you know

put in a dollar and check it out and you like you buy a horse and it gives you a code like a

a little card it prints it out for you so whenever you come back you can put in your card and you get

your horse back and it's a horse racing game but you start off you buy a horse and you train the

horse and you feed it food or whatever and and i used to get the horse i got i named him baba buoy

and and then i would feed him apples like you would do a training session and the horse would

would get stronger depending on how you trained it would become faster or more endurance or what

i don't know there were like three different phases to this it was like an rpg game for horse

racing i forgot and then and you could pick a snack a carrot or an apple and i would do apples

and it and it would always say apples are baba booey's favorite snack and i always laugh because

it was funny you could feed it apples or carrots and no matter what you fed it yeah it always said

it was the favorite snack of the stupid horse it was fucking retarded like i would get a banana

and it was a bananas or baba booey's favorite snack i'm like what's his real favorite snack

but then you would then you would have to um you know for each game you have a training session

and then a grooming session where you got to feed it horse uh a horse snack and then food

and you know and then you would take it out of the stable and you would go for um for a run

like a racing thing and i never won i can never figure out how to win i would i would always end

up whipping the horse a lot towards the end because i get frustrated and one time the horse

broke a leg because i beat it so much something happened or the horse broke they said your horse

broke a leg and it's gonna be retired and i was like oh no baba booey okay i killed baba booey

it didn't die but they said that the horse you know the leg broke and yeah you know i got to

to sell the horse first for a stud you know like a stud and i had to buy another one i don't know

that game was insane there's some weird japanese arcade games man but the horse yeah you gotta

look up this sega horse racing game it was so freaking weird i would whip the horse out of

frustration i was like i'm always fucking losing i'd always try to do it right it would tell you

like balance in the middle and whip it only and then pull back on it whenever and it would be

towards the end and this stupid horse was winning the whole race and he'd start losing and i get

get mad and i know from watching tv like horse races like my dad used to you know uh bet on the

ponies all the time uh in in puerto rico when we go down there and i remember towards the end of

the races you know they usually start beating the hell out of the horse to make him go faster so i

was like i'm just gonna do it that way i start tapping on the button really fast and there's

one time the horse like died didn't die or broke his leg it would have been cool they shot the

horse sadly it's actually real um like that does really happen like in in racing especially they

do really beat the horses and it's fucking sad to be honest they inject them with stuff in puerto

rico they do that a lot they they inject them with the drugs if i saw somebody doing that to

an animal i'd get fucking nuts i don't know is it called derby owners club by the way that game

it might have been yes say is that what ken saying sega dead no no that's what i just i just found it

on wikipedia oh yeah that's that's probably right yeah it's like a big machine huge machine it's got

i think eight four or four or eight people can play it once and it'd be yeah yeah that's definitely

it yeah there you go there's pictures and everything i wonder if this is youtube i want

to watch a youtube video some guy who actually knows how to play it because i never want i always

came in last that fucking horse because it gets so mad and i finally beat the shit out of the horse

we need to get maven on the line here she's a good gamer she would know how to solve that one

I don't know if that's one of those games that people know about.

And I sort of think, like, who, like, I can't imagine kids being like, oh, yo, yo, let's go play Derby Horse.

You know what I mean?

Yo, yo, check out my horse.

My horse is the shit, yo.

Yo, and then my horse Tupac.

She cool.

Anyway, let's continue here and do some more pranks.

Yeah, do an Eddie call, man.

Now do it.

You're ready for an Eddie call.

I don't know.

Well, how is Eddie?

I don't know how his voice goes anymore.

I forgot.

You just did Eddie Garcia just now.

Is that it?

I have to practice that.

All right.

The best in reigning training lessons.

Mark wants to teach people how to ride his big wife because he's tired of riding her fat ass.

That's what Lonesome is saying.

Okay, cool.

Let's go with that.

Eddie Garcia is going to ride a horse.

Yeah, this is Mark.

Yo, I want to ride a horse.

I want to ride a horse.

Do you have lessons on horses?

Well, I can.

Have you ever ridden before?

Yeah.

Yeah, I used to go to the arcade and ride a horse there all the time.

So, yeah, how many quarters does it take?

How many quarters does it take to ride the horse?

Do you want to put in there?

Yeah, I put like five quarters in and they let you ride the horse for a while.

You get on the horse and you sit on the horse and it goes back and forth.

Yeah, that's what you've ridden?

Yeah.

Okay, well, that'll work.

We just need more quarters.

Okay, and what, you have the horse?

Well, have you ridden a real horse before?

Maybe I could ride your wife's big ass, maybe, I was thinking.

Yeah, yeah, we might have one to fit there.

Your wife has a big ass?

Yep.

Maybe I could ride that and you watch?

You tell me how to do it?

Yeah, give it a try.

I don't have a saddle big enough for you.

Well, the saddle's for your wife's big ass, so it'd be up to you.

Yeah, it might work.

Can I talk to your wife real quick?

I give her apples.

What's that?

Does your wife like apples?

There's what?

What?

Does your wife like apples?

Are those her favorite snack?

Yeah.

Your wife, does she have, does she like apples?

Does she?

Yeah.

Hello?

Yeah, what's up?

Yeah.

Yeah, your husband said that maybe you'll want to eat apples.

Sorry?

Your husband said that maybe you'll want to eat apples because you're a horse and you have a big ass for me to ride.

That's what he said.

So he was going to put you on the phone and see if you want to eat apples or carrots.

What do you like?

Okay.

What do you like more, apples or carrots?

It's okay.

Apples?

How many apples does it take so I can ride your big ass?

Well, that's stupid.

I don't like that.

I don't like that Eddie Garcia voice anymore.

I don't know why.

It's not my thing anymore, there, Milkman.

I don't know why.

She was game, though, for a while.

Like, you know.

I don't know.

You asked her, would you like apples or carrots?

And she's like, yeah.

I'm watching a video here of Sega.

I want to get this game now.

Now, if you guys want a good birthday gift for me,

all you get is some money together, Milkman.

When is your birthday?

In June.

Next June.

Oh, well, that's fucking ages away.

We'll prepare now.

Yeah, everybody get some money together now.

Plenty of time.

Get some money together.

Start a Kickstarter account, you know,

and get me this.

I don't even have room for this where I live,

but we'll find a way.

We'll make it happen.

I think instead of getting a pool table,

I'd rather have Sega Derby Club, whatever this is called.

Do you have a garage?

A garage?

No, I don't.

You don't have a garage.

I got an upstairs apartment with two small rooms.

Oh, yeah, you definitely won't fit there.

This thing is huge.

Look at that.

This thing is awesome.

It's got these chairs, stools, and everything, man.

That's awesome.

You guys want to do a good birthday present for me next year,

get together and give me Sega Derby Owners Club.

And a garage so that you can put it inside.

Yeah, or a carport or something.

Put it in a tent, man.

I'll put it in a tent.

I'll charge kids to go play horse.

Horse with me.

There you go.

All right, we got Max Rare and Antique Books.

They have Little Black Sambo.

All right.

Hey, there you go.

Little Black Sambo.

Jin, if you want to do a prank call, you let me know.

Nah, later.

I'm feeling a bit drowsy at the moment.

Aw, I'm not doing good at all here tonight.

I will do later.

Well, we got another.

We got Affordable Riding Lessons.

It's $25.

Brielle is a big girl and is tired of guys not knowing how to ride the big ladies.

so she's offering some low-cost

big chick riding lessons. She's in

California. Chick riding lessons?

Lonesome is coming up with these.

That's fucking sick, man.

What is wrong with people? I don't know.

That's Lonesome saying that.

Oh, I see. Okay, it's not actually an

actual thing. That's fucking

sick. I don't think

that's her ad. Lonesome's on a tear

tonight, though. He's having fun.

Nunu wants us to insult our

Hello? Hello, yes. Is this

the Big Brielle?

Brielle?

Brielle Rainey, yes.

Yes, hi.

Yes, I was looking about writing.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, and this is $25?

It's $25 for the person, and that's an hour and a half.

Oh.

Or it's $35 for an hour-long private lesson.

Okay, yeah, so for $35, I get one hour, and I get to ride for one hour?

Well, that includes tacking and grooming.

Okay, and do you want me to feed you apples or carrots while we do this?

Hello?

Uh-huh.

uh yeah 35 including tacking and grooming for an hour you're going to spend at least 20 minutes

tacking and grooming so for a first time what's tacking what the hell's tacking tacking is setting

up the horse they're putting the saddle on and the bridle oh man good strap that sounds like a

lot of work man i don't know like yeah because that's the whole thing if you get a horse you

You've got to pay for this.

You've got to pay for that.

Oh, yeah, very, very expensive stuff because you pay for a good saddle as well.

You're looking at at least 1,000 pounds.

So over there, maybe $1,500 for a good saddle.

And then for the bridle and everything else, this is really a lot of money.

And you're paying for the stables by looking after it as well.

So you have to pay for somebody to put the beds up, put the beds down, take the horse out, that sort of stuff.

It's a big job, but it's not a cheap hobby at all.

Yeah, and you can't just leave the horse.

like you got to go hang out with it every day right you can't just be like oh forget the horse

for the day you have to you have to kind of i would suggest keeping it in overnight i mean that's

what we used to do is always keep the horses in overnight so you would get up at sort of four

o'clock in the morning take the horses out onto the field leave the horses in the field during

the day if they weren't going to be ridden and then take them back in in the evening um but if

you were going to ride them you could probably keep them in the stable for most of the day and

then ride them and then bring them back into the stable but generally saying you'd have to put them

on the field yeah that's the whole that's the whole thing like you can't like for me i'd never

be good at that because i'd want to get the horse and be like every once in a while go down hang out

with the horse and talk to him and right around like they keep they keep a fucking horse in a

stable and then they just want to go and see every day and then that's it and then they don't do

anything else like it's like a fucking cat you know they just fucking cat yeah that's the thing

athena she was she used to work at a at a fucking animal hospital and she would she would

would be working with these stupid women who barely had enough any money to pay rent and all

this shit they have all these fucking these people there's one in particular she was so stupid this

woman her house was in foreclosure because she couldn't pay for her house she had three kids

right and then she had like i think she had like five or six dogs in the house she had a squirrel

that she rescued she had like all these expensive parrots and stuff and she's always like i can't

afford the we're gonna lose the house and the house is gonna get taken by the bank because we

can't pay the we don't have money for christmas for the kids and this and that and she's got

a fucking zoo in her house and you know and then one day she's like oh guess what i just got a

horse like you got a horse oh jesus you got a horse you stupid bitch you got a fucking horse

yeah i got a horse how can she afford to look after all the animals she can barely afford the

fucking house fucking stupid that girl man sick people stupid and as she's like i'm losing the

house i don't know what i'm gonna do i can't find a house that you know i can't find a a place to

rent that'll let me bring eight fucking dogs and a squirrel and a fucking five freaking birds yeah

yeah you think you dumbass because maybe you should open a zoo maybe you should just go to

the zoo invite people in fucking charge them charge there you paid your rent god i'm just

I'm just telling you, man.

It's people's priorities.

All right.

Fucking that's vanity.

That's what that is.

All right.

Anyway.

So here we go.

Let's continue on with the show.

Milkman, I got your message.

We're cool.

We're working on it.

All right.

I'm fixing the video feed.

All right.

Thank you, sir.

You got it.

I appreciate it.

You got it.

I'm on it.

Fixing the issue with the video feed.

Max, rare and antique books, which I already mentioned before.

Supposedly had the book Little Black Sambo.

A great story about tigers that make butter and eat it with a black guy named Sambo.

Little black guy named Zambo.

Hello.

Yes, hi. Is this Big Mac?

I'm sorry?

Is this Big Mac?

This is Bruce.

Oh, is this Mac's Rare and Antique Book Machine?

No.

You don't have the books?

I'm sorry?

You have Rare and Antiquity books?

Yes, yes.

So this is Big Mac's Rare and Antique Book Machine?

Well, no big, big about it. This is Mac's.

Oh, it's small. You have a small operation.

Yes, we do. Who's this?

Oh, hey. My name is Cross, and I'm a collector of fine books and materials.

materials i have several examples of nice books and i wanted to see about i understand you have

a copy of little black sambo that's correct yes what can you tell me about this copy of a little

black sambo that you have what's the vintage of it what year what's the status of the papers or

any graying or yellowing tears in the paper uh which one are you looking at because i've got

two listed well what's whichever one is in better quality and the best quality of of this racist

that you have hello damn it really the racist the racist book it is a racist book that's that's busy

guess what i have a cell phone jen hi what do you have i have a cell phone you have a cell phone

yeah he can't hide from me i have a cell phone i don't like indian food i think i'll do that

tonight i'm gonna make a legit order wait 10 minutes and call back and well that's if you

don't mind and that's your idea no no go for it just do it to a restaurant that deserves it

No.

I'll do it to Milkman's mom's restaurant.

You also need a number.

Really?

Like, you have a call-in number.

Oh, man.

Thank you for calling.

I'm unable to answer the phone right now.

Please leave me a message.

I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Yeah, go.

All right, we got another...

Leave me a message.

We got someone else who's selling a Little Black Sambo.

Old man named Everett is selling a Little Black Sambo book in Craigslist.

Let's give him a call.

He's in Houston.

There we go.

Little Black Sambo.

Is that anything like an African version of The Little Prince or something?

Kind of like that, yeah.

Yeah, it's kind of like that.

Interesting.

Yes, hi.

I was interested about your book that you've got for sale, Little Black Sambo.

Oh, yeah, okay.

Yeah, that's the racist book, right?

Racist book, no.

Oh, okay.

Well, it's what you want to call a racist book.

It's Little Black Sambo.

Okay, and what do you have?

How long have you had it?

What years are from?

What vintage?

What is the condition of this racist book?

Let me look.

Almost.

I'm 75.

Okay.

And I've had it a long time.

Back when there was no racist crap like that wasn't a big deal like it is now.

Like Obama and this shit, right?

Well, I guess, you know.

Yeah, this fucking, you know.

Yeah, I even had a book called Welfare.

Really?

Yeah, the NAACP.

Yeah, the NAACP's taken off the air.

Okay.

Okay, it ain't in real good shape

I know I'm asking, I have a lot of money for it

Let me see, let me see

It's a cute little book

It's a little kid's book

It wasn't a real big deal

I guess now

Everything is white or black

I don't know

It's a little kid's book

Alright

And it's the older version of it then

It's like 50 years old at least maybe

First Prince

I've been here 47 years

so it's about

I've had it just a long time

but I can't tell you how old it is

because it don't say

well let me ask you this

how much are you asking for the book?

well I put it on the Craigslist, $100

$100 you know

I'm going to have to clean it up

and there's got to be a market for it

and I've got to make my cut off of it too

you know

it's going to be trouble

for me to move it and everything

thing uh i think maybe i'll give you 30 for it okay okay yeah i don't care now do you are you

concerned with what i'm going to do with it afterwards i don't care if you uh what you do

with it i'm going to burn it i'm going to burn it because it's a racist book you give me 30 bucks

for you can do anything you want to with it it's not a right it's not a racist book it wasn't a

racist book until people made it a racist book what if i throw it at you well that wouldn't

work. Here's what I'm thinking. I'll give you

$50 for the book. How much?

$50. I thought you said $30.

Well, for $50, but here's

what I'll do. When you give me the book, I'll

hit you in the head with the book, like twice.

Oh, you're nuts. You know what?

$60.

I think you're nuttier than

I am. I'm nuttier than a fruitcake.

Listen, I'll hit you with the flat end of the book, not the hard

end, the flat, so it doesn't hurt that much.

No, no. This is just a little

kid's book. It has nothing to do with

race. How many pages do you think?

Less than 50?

I think I'm done talking to you because you're nuts.

It's not going to hurt.

I'm just going to hit you a few times with it.

And your big racist face.

No, no, no, no.

Your racist face because you have racist books.

I'm not a racist.

It's a little book for little kids.

What's it called?

Little Black Sambo.

That's very racist, sir.

No, it's not.

Do you have any Bibles?

Yeah, I got some Bibles.

All right.

I want Little Black Sambo and about all your Bibles, too.

I want them.

You've got nothing better to do than fuck with me.

Hey, hey, hey, don't use racist words at me.

That's not right.

What's wrong with hitting a guy with a book?

Oh, shit.

You're going to hit me with a book?

Little Black Santa.

You hit you with the flat end of the book.

It's a kid's book.

That's not going to hurt.

For God's sake.

Oh, I don't know.

The Hungry Caterpillar might hurt.

It's a hardback.

I don't know.

I'm thinking maybe it's one of those thin books.

Yeah, thin paperback.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, they got these hardbound ones, but they're really thin.

They're like 10 pages big.

I got to hurt them, old man.

You can take it.

For 50 bucks?

Look at all the whiskey he could buy with that.

All right, we got another guy here.

He's selling magazines from the 1930s.

I was trying to invoke, I don't know if they got this in the UK,

but there's a TV show here called Pawn Stars where it's a pawn shop in Vegas

and people bringing stuff.

They'll bring in books.

They'll bring in a book.

Look, I hate this fucking show, and I hate the people that run the pawn store

because people bring in stuff that you can tell is pretty good, you know.

And the guy will be like, oh, this book, I don't know.

I don't know how much it's worth.

I'm going to get a buddy of mine.

He knows all about these old books.

And the guy will come down and is like, oh, yeah, this is a classic book.

It was written by, that's a legitimate signature by Abraham Lincoln.

And as a matter of fact, there's documented that he gave this book to so-and-so.

and there's only two copies of this book in existence

and it's worth $2,000.

And the guy's like, oh, well, thanks for coming down.

Okay, yeah.

And then he'll ask the guy, he'll be like,

all right, so how much do you want to pawn the book for?

And he'll be like, oh, I want the $2,000.

And he'll be like, ah, well, you know,

I'm going to have to put it up on the shelf

and it's going to sit there for a long time.

You know, I've got to find a buyer.

It's going to be a lot of trouble.

I'll give you $50 for it.

time that fucking show

every time that's how it is

it seems to work I mean because you did it

to this guy a second ago you were

he was at $100 and you got him down to

$30 that was a serious deal I can't

believe he went for it I was upset

because I was wanting him to argue with me about it

I was trying to get him yeah

if I'd come to you with $100

and you just said to me $30 I'd have told you to

fuck off like that's crazy how

did he go down to $30 he just accepted it

first time yeah yeah no problem

this fucking show's like I don't get mad I'll yell

off the tv like don't fucking do it he's a liar he's a fucking liar the guy was like he's always

like oh you know i gotta find someone to buy it and you know if it's a painting he's like i'm gonna

have to frame it you know and uh i'm gonna have to put it on the wall it's gonna sit on the wall

for a while and i gotta make a profit so i'll give you 10 bucks for it and he's like the guy

just said it's worth like a hundred dollars no no you know yeah but they buy a lot of something

like that over here yeah it should be a uk pawn stars i don't know yeah i'll run it myself i'll

do it there you go offer offer shit prices for good things yeah i'll offer things like 50p or

20p and they'll come with books worth like 10 20 grand or something they're really rare yeah

and then turn around and sell it sell it for like 10 times what you gave the guy money for

yeah and it's you know it's if you're pawning something man god you're desperate i'm just

just saying if you get to the point where you're pawning shit something's up with you something's

up with your life why are you pawning stuff i get happy when people say no usually it's women the

women but the person you called has a voice mailbox that has not been set up yet i like it usually the

women say no they'll be like no i'm not doing that the women always tell the guy no and they walk

away like i'll give it to my kid maybe it'll be worth more when he's when he's my age all right

they have pride

yes

women are smart

we got a restaurant here

a Greek restaurant

here we go

I'll do this

I'll do the thing

with your permission

you're gonna do the thing

is it a bad restaurant though

I don't know

they're all bad

you're a bug man

shit

I'd never do this

to somebody like

I didn't know

this is terrible

let me think

well

I don't know

I'd have to look these up

and find out

who cares

make it a small order then

don't make it like

a huge order

like make a small one all right like like ten dollars or something yeah here's something greek

moussaka moussaka you ever had moussaka oh man yeah hi do you have moussaka we do yes oh man

i would like some moussaka like two orders of moussaka okay all right and do you have baklava

i do yes i like uh two orders of baklava two moussaka two baklava yes that's it that's it

Perfect.

Give me about 15 minutes.

All right.

And I'll go collect it.

No problem.

Thank you.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

What a nice guy.

All right, cool.

And we'll give him a call.

Mousakai.

I don't know if you ever had it.

It's like a Greek lasagna.

Oh, my God.

No, no.

The only Greek thing I've ever had was tzatziki.

That's the sauce.

Is that the right pronunciation?

It's like a yogurt sauce.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And there's like a pork.

It's like a pork dish, beef dish, and it's sort of mixed together.

The meat is really nice.

And then you put this sort of yogurt-style thing on it,

And it tastes pretty good.

And the wrap, that's gyro, as most people say.

They say gyro, you know, but it's gyro.

Yeah, I don't know how they make that.

It looks like it's difficult to make, but I guess you take lamb,

ground lamb and ground beef, and you mix it,

and you make like a meatloaf out of it,

and then you put that on a stick, like a spit kind of,

and they cook it vertically.

Milkman, do you know how does that work?

It's like you make a meatloaf, but you mix two meats together, right?

Isn't that how it works?

Yeah, normally heroes get up and they mix it all together,

and then they put it on, like you said, on a spit.

They season it, you know, not a lot of peanuts,

and they put it up against the world.

They got, like, a seven-inch of it.

Cucumber.

Yogurt and cucumber, basically.

Hero.

There's some heroes.

Yeah.

I just don't understand what means hero and gyro.

Gyro, yeah.

Milkman is secretly a genius.

He knows all this shit.

He's a culinary genius.

Yeah, he could have told you what's a moussaka if you wanted.

We're not going to ask him, though, because it's a private question.

He knows he's had it all, man.

I don't know if you heard a recent episode.

He was cooking for his mom, and he was like, where are you making milk?

What were you making for your mom?

Some kind of soup?

What was it that you were making that night?

Yeah, I made a Moscow Moong Dao.

It's a Nepali dish, a vegetarian food, a lentil soup.

I got four.

She'd never had it before.

Very nice.

That's exciting.

This guy knows how to cook

He was cooking the whole show

The good three hours

I used to hear Milkman in the background

Chopping it

A lot of preparation

And then there's a lot of

The key thing is you cannot have it burn

You have to constantly be stirring it

And washing it and adjusting it

I want to see you on Hell's Kitchen

And then you can tell Gordon Ramsay

It's raw

it'll throw it at milkman i i want to be on that show just yeah i just want to be on that show

because he gets so angry i love it when he when he punches the food i don't know if he does that

but he'll get mad and he'll punch a lamb chop like look at this yo fucking god you know punch

it it'll throw plates and everything he throws the whole plate the whole fucking thing right

and and it's stupid because something he'll they'll have a whole table service and like

Like, the lamb chop will be cut wrong.

Like, one lamb chop is big, one lamb chop is small.

And he calls, he says, everybody, come here.

He's like, what's wrong with this?

Look at this.

And they're like, oh, we're sorry, Mr. Ramsey.

He's like, yo, fuck your boss.

He throws, like, ten plates in the trash, and he makes them start.

And then he wonders why they're behind.

There was one episode where he was like, there was this stupid guy who was cooking spaghetti, right?

And he was just randomly cooking spaghetti like nobody had ordered it, right?

and then he just like made six or seven pots and then then like gordon found out about it and he

was like what are you doing we make spaghetti to order you cunts and he just kept doing it and

then he did it again and like he tipped it all in the bin it was fucking incredible oh who makes

spaghetti to order i guess i guess it does get mushy or whatever but jesus christ it's i remember

once there was one girl who was so afraid she kept burning the um the uh what's what is that

what's the beef thing where you cover the beef in the dough what is that fucking called fuck god

it's like a beef dish it's like a beef but it's it's like in a dough and you bake it kind of it's

it's hard to make whatever and you got to slice it right but if you don't slice it at the right

time like it'll be dry and what is that called i don't know what it is she kept burning him and

she kept hiding him like all over the back of the kitchen and he found out and he's sitting there

there's like 20 of them like he's like taking them and throwing them across the fucking kitchen like

you guys look you'll burn them all we're out of them we're out now now that he's like now you're

gonna go out there and apologize to all the customers and they can't have yeah somebody

said beef wellington yes beef wellington no wellington is something else but i think it

may be like um sounds more like a pastry like that's all i found like if i put it into google

i think it's i think it's the beef wellington i could be wrong i thought it was but he's the

menu's always the same the menu's always the same at that place that fucking yeah you're right

yeah yeah he's always got beef wellington risotto um you're right uh fucking scallops he's always

got same like 10 things on that fucking and they never get it right it was fuck yeah and

i think one of my favorite was from the first season one of my favorite things that happened

was the first season the people in the kit in the dining room the customers were waiting so long

that they ordered a pizza and the pizza guy came into the hell's kitchen with the pizza and it was

i didn't see that yeah it's the first season it's one of the first episodes of like this guy came in

and he's like oh we got our pizza yay they're all clapping you know and he had like the maitre d

was like this french kind of gay guy and he got super offended about it and he got in the guy's

face or about to throw down like in the middle of the restaurant oh wow yeah i remember i still

have to have a look for that that sounds really good i the best one i saw was when the customers

were complaining like um when the there was like two girls who went up to the desk to the desk to

the counter and then gordon starts taking the piss out of them and he's calling them bimbos and all

I think it was the first season too

Like these two girls were at the front

I think once I was watching

And some guy went to the front like what's taking so long

He's like what the fuck

Are you taking the piss out of me

He's like yeah I take it all the time

He's like you see what I'm dealing with here

He's like kicking his chest out

You see what I'm dealing with here

Get the fuck out of here

Like he kicked him out and shit

God man that guy

He's something else

Yeah, I love that guy.

He's the most in-shape chef that I've ever seen.

He's the most in-shape person.

He's just so confident with everything.

Yeah, he's super in shape, and he's a good cook, from what I understand.

I don't know.

And there's the one guy that made him cry, though.

It's a famous story.

There's another chef out there.

Yeah, and he had a show for one season on NBC called, I forgot what it's called, The Chopping Block.

He had a show, Jean-Pierre White, I think his name is White, and Gordon Ramsay studied under him.

When he first started his career and Gordon Ramsay started crying because of this guy.

The guy went off on him and he started crying.

Marco Pierre.

Marco Pierre White, yeah.

And that guy had a show that lasted like one season and they cut it off halfway through because the ratings were low.

And they brought it back and they showed all the episodes in one night.

It was a good show.

The guy was like, he was like really freaking, he was like Gordon Ramsay but more rude but less angry.

like he was just very like sarcastically rude anyway anyway talking talking about food we got

restaurants here to call that's why don't you gotta call that restaurant back yeah we got a

little bit i got that we got me five more minutes i'll call him back tell him i don't like greek

food see how he takes it yeah all right um we got the saigon vietnamese restaurant see what's up

there never had vietnamese food i hear good things they make those pots hot pots i should start

start calling different different ones i'm only ever calling indians because i know they're going

to get pissed off but i never call like i don't know i should do something like that vietnam or

chinese japanese shit there's so many in orlando this is little vietnamese section like little

vietnam oh do they have jamaican uh well i don't know i mean in in in orlando there's jamaica

there's not a jamaican section but there's a lot of jamaican restaurants just everything orlando

has a lot of restaurants man they they recently were in a list of like the top place to not for

the best food but like the most food options and i believe that like they're number one for and

it's true in orlando it's freaking insane they're per capita um the highest number of fast food

and it's true like literally like you could go like and where i used to live in orlando

i could start at one end from my if i left my house right i could hit i could hit a mcdonald's

i could get my burger i could eat in the drive-thru eat my burger and by the time i was done with my

burger i could get my fries at the next mcdonald's eat my fries and get to the next one and get get

a dessert you know and then you know it was it's insane every every kind of faster you can think

you're gonna hit like on my way to work i would pass like five mcdonald's and i didn't have a

long commute i only had like a 10-15 minute commute to work but it was like i'm not kidding

didn't you like so many mcdonald's yeah anyway good times they got food trucks all over the place

in orlando now which is really cool they only open after 10 p.m but they're just in in parking

lots of like office buildings and stuff but now you now you can get fast food 24 hours a day well

no they're these they're just trucks and vans that people make food out of and and people leaving

clubs and bars and stuff they stop and get food and they do a lot you know it's a lot of ethnic

food like a lot of food that you can't find in restaurants it's cool stuff man that's one thing

thing i miss out of orlando the very few of the few things one is the food a lot of food options

out there i got ashes everywhere yeah so let's make an order sure so what would you like to order

do you have the hot pots there the pots of food yeah we have the hot pot so which hot pot do you

like okay do you have the the one that has the shit in it uh the shrimp yeah yeah we have the

tropical shrimp hot pot yeah you put it in there yeah and do you do you bring the pot out to me

mean when i eat it uh we just put the to-go container and separate two but if i eat if if i

eat there right yeah sure so you want you are older right now and then when you can hear the

food is already and i'll take it to the bathroom and eat it there oh sure okay and when i'm done

then i can use the pot for washing cleaning off and washing sure uh which moment with lemon

How can I help you?

Yes, I wanted to order a hot pot of food.

Okay.

And I want it delivered to the bathroom.

Do you have a bathroom there for the customer?

A back room?

No, we only got one big dining room.

No, a bathroom, like a toilet.

Oh, why would you want to...

We have a bathroom, yeah?

Yeah, because is it weird if I go in there?

Is it clean?

Well, we can't really allow you to eat in there because people do use it.

Well, I'll be fine.

Would you eat in the bathroom?

Is it clean enough for you to eat there?

I mean, it's clean, but I wouldn't eat there.

Why? Because it's dirty?

Not necessarily. It's just a bathroom.

Why would you want to eat in the bathroom?

Well, because it's private.

I'm sorry, but we can't do that for you.

Is it a bathroom with one toilet, or does it have multiple stalls?

It's just one of the one-toilet bathrooms.

Well, that's perfect. That's good. That's good.

Does it have a table and everything in there, or no?

There's no table in there.

There's just one chair for sitting?

Yes.

And there's a stall for urinating, yes.

Like a urinating stall? Do you have a defecating one also?

I'm sorry.

So whatever you're asking for, I can't do this for you.

I can't deliver a...

I'm sorry.

I'm totally sorry.

There's something I can't do.

But what about to-go food?

Will you...

I mean, I go wherever I want with the food, right?

After I get it?

Yeah, but you can't go into the bathroom because we have customers who want to use the bathroom

while you're eating, while they're eating.

So you can't have the bathroom while you're eating here.

What if I just want to use the bathroom?

You can use the bathroom.

Okay.

But you can't bring the food into the bathroom.

So, well, wait a minute now.

All right.

So here's my plan.

I'm going to make a to-go order, right?

and then I'll pay for the food, and you give me the food after it's done,

and then I go to the bathroom, and then I go my own way.

I have to use the bathroom.

Sir, whatever you're asking for, it's way out of the picture.

We can't have you do this.

Can I just use the bathroom to use the bathroom for urination?

You can use the bathroom.

For urinating.

You can use the urinating, but I'm not allowing you to bring the food in the bathroom.

I can't let you do that since you're asking me this question.

Can I bring food to my own food, eat in the bathroom,

and then come out and then get the Vietnamese food and take it home.

You can't do that.

Why do you have so many rules about the bathroom?

I don't understand.

Is there a problem?

I don't know why you're asking these questions.

I just like eating in the bathroom.

It's secure.

It's clean.

It's cold in there.

I like it.

You have a clean dining room, too.

I don't like that.

There's people looking at me.

Okay.

Why are you afraid of people looking at you?

Because it's dirty.

They look at me.

They spread germs when they look at you.

There's people all around with germs everywhere, coughing.

Why?

There's no germs in the bathroom?

through well not because there's no people coughing in there when i'm inside by myself

people call how do you know people don't cough in there yeah but they're not going to be coughing

while i'm inside there next to me but they did cough in there how would you know well but that's

i'm in the dining room i'm in the dining room now nobody's coughing i mean but there's no germs in

the air when i'm by myself only my own germs and that's okay oh i'm not doing this for you i'm

sorry goodbye come on please yeah i don't know i was at um i was at the university once and i

And we had a break from class, and I went to the student union.

I don't know if schools in the U.K. are like that or around the world.

I'm pretty sure they're like that where, you know, the university, they have a main building where they have restaurants.

You know, the students can go, and you can buy book supplies and all.

It's like a little mall and places for you to sit and eat.

And I was like, all right, cool.

So I got a slice of pizza.

I remember I got a slice of pizza at the Pizza Sbarro pizza place.

and I was going to take it to eat somewhere else

and I was with a friend of mine

and I was like oh I got to stop at the bathroom

and I was going to walk into the bathroom

with the pizza

but it was in a box

the pizza was in a box in a little container

and he said what are you doing

and I'm like I'm going to use the bathroom

and he's like well don't go in with the pizza

is that weird

yeah I would say that's kind of weird

I wouldn't take food into the bathroom

but it's covered up and it's a clean bathroom

I wasn't going to open it up and eat in the bathroom

I don't know, if it was like a really clean bathroom, yes, but because it's a public toilet, I would never do that.

If it was my own bathroom, I probably would, but I would never do that in a public place.

Would you chew gum inside the bathroom?

Same thing, right?

I don't chew gum personally, but maybe, yeah.

God, you don't do anything.

Yeah, that's a good point.

You don't do anything.

Everything with you is like, I don't do that, I don't do that.

Yeah, sorry, man.

I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't party, nothing.

I've watched porn.

I'm surprised you eat.

What did you eat yesterday?

For you, it's yesterday, because it's 3 in the morning.

Yeah, I had, what did I have?

I had a spinach and ricotta tortelloni, and what else did I have?

I had some snacks throughout the day.

These are like, I had good, healthy cereal snacks.

Oh, God, bowl of steam.

What did you have?

I don't even remember that much shit.

Man.

Healthy food.

We got Greek food here to cancel.

Yeah, let's do it.

Oh, I can't wait.

He didn't even get my name, though.

Let me call him.

That's a good point.

He didn't ask you for your name or for your number.

Very strange.

Maybe he's not busy.

I'm just going to say, well, I know the order.

I say, I got two moussaka and two baklava.

He's like, oh, yeah.

If it follows your pattern, I'm going to say, yeah, it's ready.

I'm like, oh, really?

Guess what?

Start using Greek swear words.

Yes, hi.

I called earlier.

I was wondering if my food was ready.

What is your food that you called for?

I had two baklava, two malaka.

Two malaka?

No, what's it called? Musaka?

Musaka, okay.

And two baklava.

We'll be ready in about three, four more minutes.

The two musakas are going.

It's ready. Come on down.

Oh, because I was calling because I decided I wanted to cancel it.

Okay, okay.

Huh?

Okay, no problem.

Wait a minute.

Keep canceling them, okay? Bye-bye.

Hey, wait a minute.

Did you make them already?

I can't believe this.

Wow.

You know, the thing with Musaka, though, it's already made.

I got to come up with something that you make, you know what I mean?

I don't think that takes them a second to make.

But also, do it to a restaurant where you know the service is shit.

So basically, I don't know who that guy was, but maybe he was a really good guy and maybe it was a good restaurant.

And in a good restaurant, you can't do that because all they'll do is what they just did.

And they'll say, yeah, okay, fine, we'll cancel it and that's it.

They don't give a fuck because they make thousands of pounds a day.

But if it's a really shit restaurant, they don't make very much money.

Then they'll get very, very angry.

Yeah, it's a hit.

It's a hit to them.

Yeah, I got you.

It's a hit in the pocket.

Exactly.

Yeah, there we go.

So we got Bismillah Restaurant, which has, I don't know what the reviews are here, but it's an Indian place.

It can't be that good.

What do I order?

I'm going to order some papadums here.

It's an Indian restaurant.

Yes, your favorite.

Chicken tikka masala.

Oh, do you want me to do it?

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, go for it.

Yeah, there we go.

But I don't have a number.

like if you have a number oh i'll skype it i'll skype your number real quick all right all right

yeah hi i'd like to make an order please yes sir go ahead yeah for collection is that okay

i'm sorry yeah i want to collect it collected yeah you want to pick it up yeah i want to pick

it up that's right yeah um two chicken tikka masala okay two pilau rice two chicken tikka

masala okay yeah two two pilau rice two rice yeah two pilau rice pilau you have a pilau rice

No, sir, we don't have that one.

What do you have in rice?

What kind of rice?

We have basmati rice or we have like chicken biryani,

which is mixed with the chicken, a lot of herbs and spice.

Or we have vegetable biryani, we did a vegetable with rice.

Yeah, okay, let's have the vegetable biryani.

That sounds interesting.

So I have two vegetable biryani, two chicken tikka masala.

Can I have two plain naan?

Two naan, okay.

Yeah, and two papadums.

Two papadums.

Yeah, how much is that total?

I'll tell you right now.

$25.60, sir.

Sounds good to me.

So how soon can it be ready?

20 minutes, sir.

20 minutes?

Great.

I'll be there in 20 minutes.

My name is Mr. Stewart.

Your name is Stewart?

Mr. Stewart.

Okay, no problem.

I'll see you in 20 minutes.

Yeah, see you in 20 minutes.

Thanks very much.

You're welcome.

Thanks.

Bye.

What a nice young man.

All right, cool.

$45.

That's very expensive.

I hope this is really a bad restaurant.

That's a lot.

Because otherwise, we've just done this to a good restaurant.

I'm going to be really, I'm going to kill myself.

Oh, God, yeah.

Please.

After all the shit you've done.

And that we've done here, really.

Come on.

I mean, we've got to.

Yeah, but it's bad to do it to people who don't deserve it.

You know, I don't want to, like, you wouldn't fuck somebody over in the street if they didn't deserve it.

But if you knew them and they were a bad person, I'd do it.

There you go.

All right, well, okay.

We've got Punjabi Daba instead of order here.

I will just try to mess with them and say Bhenchod.

Bhenchod's always fun.

There we go.

That's okay to do, right?

We're not costing them any money.

We're just calling them Bhenchod.

That's okay.

He may be a nice guy.

He won't be after this, hopefully.

The other guy's going to be pissed.

The women never get upset at Indian places.

That's one thing I've noticed.

That's not true at all.

No?

Really?

Yeah.

Yes, hi.

I'd like to make an order for collection.

To collect it?

Oh, yes.

Do you have chicken biryani?

Oh, yes, sir.

I'd like one of those.

It's for two.

Well, I told you it was to collect it.

Okay.

I didn't get it.

It's breaking, actually.

What?

I couldn't hear you properly.

What?

It's all right.

One chicken biryani, sir.

Uh-huh.

And one papadum.

One order.

Uh-huh.

Two orders of lawn bread.

Yep.

One gandu.

One what?

Gandu.

Spell that one.

G-A-N-D-U.

I don't think so.

We have that one.

One bhenchod.

Sorry?

Bhenchod.

Spell that one.

Not sure.

Sure. Most of the time, B-A-H-N-C-H-O-D, C-H-O-D, C-H-O-D.

What was that?

Are you Indian or what? Are you stupid?

Oh, yeah, I'm Indian.

Oh, like from what region? From what region?

What region I'm from.

Yeah, but where in India?

Where from India?

Yeah.

I'm from Darjeeling.

Oh, so you don't know these words.

Oh, I know.

Do you know Ulu?

Are you on Vindaloo?

No, Ulu.

So, you want chicken Vindaloo, lamb Vindaloo?

Yeah, no, Ulu. U-L-L-U.

No, U-L-L-U. Like an owl? Like a stupid, ugly owl?

Something?

Yeah, I'm looking at the menu, and there's a picture of a man, and he looks like an owl.

Okay.

You know what I mean?

So, which place you are in, sir?

Huh? I'm in Punjabi.

What's that?

I'm in page number two.

You are Asian?

And you are Punjabi?

Yes, and I'm looking at a picture of your sister and your mother, and they're both owls.

He just left, man.

Huh? He what?

Well, come front of me. Come front of me.

Front?

Yes, come front.

Yeah, I want you to come front of me, and I will show you my order.

Hello?

Yes, hi. I needed to make an order, please.

Yes, I need to make an order.

All right, I need one sister, your sister, to come front of me.

They don't like you in America.

There's two levels of Indians.

There's angry Indian, the kind we like, and then there's peaceful Indian, that we don't like.

I guess that's like that every culture.

Yeah, listen, there's good Indians and bad Indians.

All right.

Yeah, I'd like to make an order, please.

Yes, sir.

All right, I'd like to make, do you have Papa Doms?

Yes, we do.

All right, two orders of those.

Two orders.

Okay.

One order of Bhenchod.

Yes, sir.

Okay, one order of Gondu.

All right.

Gondu, one Gondu.

Are

you American?

Yes.

Oh, can you put the Indian on the phone, please?

Can you just hold on for a line?

Yeah, please, hurry up.

Yep.

I think he's a black guy.

Did he kill it?

I don't know.

I think he did.

Calling him back.

Ramabal, how may I help you?

Yes, I was making an order for gandhu.

Okay, give me just a minute.

Are you Indian?

Yes, I am.

Oh, okay.

So can you put down Gondu?

I don't understand why you asked that question.

I'm sorry.

I want to make an order.

Okay, what would you like to order?

Gondu.

What's that?

Gondu.

I don't know what Gondu is.

I'm sorry.

Do you speak Indian?

Yes, I do.

And we speak...

Hold on.

Give me just a minute.

How many different Indian languages is there?

Shit.

I'm sorry.

We don't have any Gondu.

Do you have any Ulu?

I apologize.

What about Ulu?

We don't have any of those.

I'm sorry.

Can you ask someone in the back?

We don't have it.

I am the chef.

and we don't have it, I'm sorry.

Are there any darker skin Indians there?

Excuse me, can you please stop calling our business?

Thank you very much.

I command you to tell me.

I command you to stop speaking to me.

I order you as a man to not tell me what to do.

She was probably the business manager.

She definitely wasn't Indian.

She commanded me.

God damn it.

All right.

I want to call the guy about the toilet again.

Let me see which Vietnamese that was.

Hang on.

Greek sombrero, village host pizza and grill.

Law Canada imports pizza and deli.

No.

We got a phone number for the guy from Pawn Stars.

That's cool.

Cell phone and home phone.

There we go.

Yeah, Lonesome.

If you got that, send that number for Rick.

I forgot which one Rick is.

I don't know if that's the son or the dad or the old man.

Let me know.

Or Chumlee's the dumb guy.

I don't know him.

Beach and dinner.

No.

Pho ever Vietnamese.

That might have been.

Oh, here we go.

Saigon.

I think that's the place I called.

Saigon Vietnamese.

That sounds right.

Give him a call.

How much more time we got on the Indian place?

About 10 minutes.

Give it five minutes, five minutes.

Shit, I don't remember which one it was.

I've got it here.

It's 7-2 something, right?

Yeah, 7-2-2-0-1.

Yeah.

Hello, second rate, can I help you?

Yes, I had called earlier about an order for a hot pot.

Is that right?

So you want it in the bathroom, right?

Yeah, yeah, that's it.

Could I talk to that guy again?

Because I had an idea.

Can you speak Chinese?

No, I speak Cantonese.

only though not mandarin really i can you can talk to me okay well the other guy was speaking

english so what happened yeah so so you want it in the bathroom right well i mean i had an idea

do you have like a room in the back that the employees use that's fine if you came here if

you show up that we'll put one table in the bathroom room for you okay well you're gonna

going to do the bathroom thing yeah if you show up if you can hear we'll put now is that for the

girl's bathroom yeah for the boy's bathroom yeah girl or boy well you can hear huh when i come

there when you show up we will put the table for the girl that's but i want you i don't need a

table sweetie i just need a you know place to sit but is it the girl's bathroom that you could do

for me yeah no that's fine if you show up we can do anything you want but the girl's bathroom

room right yeah you can eat in the girls bathroom okay and then you come you come in there with me

right yeah i will enjoy it with you okay you will eat with me yeah can i eat things in front of you

okay what do you think maybe i could eat in front of you that you want to see me

what would you like me to eat okay what do you think what do you want me to eat what would you

like to watch me eat in front of you of course if you show up you can do anything you want you're

listening okay what do you want me to eat what do you want to see me what do you want to see me

tell me because it's your idea okay no and you call here so many times okay so it means you

really want to come here and eat to eat so now we will enjoy you so you can do anything you want

but just come here okay but one thing is what i'm asking here listen don't call here is what do you

want me to eat what do you want to see me i want you to watch me eating something that you

Maybe you'd like to see a...

Yeah, we have Vietnamese restaurants, so you can eat any Vietnamese food.

Okay, and then you want to watch me eat Vietnamese food in front of you?

Like, I'm a handsome, I'm a handsome man.

不是啊,你不要仗着自己说英语怎么了,了不起啊。

你好吗?

我知道你会说中文。

诗诗啥语?

我知道你听得懂。

清好?

清嘎土马来维?

不是啊,你中文听不懂是吗?

你中文听不懂是吗?

不要装傻

装傻是没用的

Okay, that's not Vietnamese

That's Chinese

对啊,你看你都听得懂啊

所以你说吧

你到底想怎么样

Where else?

What else you got to say?

不是,你就说你想怎么样

Tell me all the things

Do you want me to eat?

Sure, come here

Okay

Recommend

I was really want you to recommend something

Please do this for me

Yeah, hot pot

Hot pot?

Okay, see you soon, bye

Shrimp hot pot or not?

I was trying to connect

She's like, I'll do anything you want.

We love you a long time.

Yeah.

She wants to party.

Oh, yeah.

That's the funny thing is they ask girls if they want to party.

All right.

We should call that other restaurant.

This is 7201.

I think it's time.

One more.

Let's call Charlie first.

Milkman, you like to party, right, Milkman?

Yeah.

Yeah, man.

I like to party.

She was speaking Cantonese.

Charlie.

Hey.

Charlie, sir.

Hey it's Cross

I had a question

Do you do hot pots there like Vietnamese style

Or do you not

Do you just do like

Just the Cantonese food

Have you thought about trying to do a Vietnamese spin

No no no

Hey do you have birds

Hello

Here's the thing

There's a new

One of the listeners out there

The guy that does Gillycast

I forget who it was

He found out a bunch of crazy information about Charlie, and he made a new – there's a new Facebook page out there for Charlie that everyone should like.

It's the Do Drop In Facebook page, but there are a ton of pictures of Charlie with – I guess he collects birds.

He has a lot of birds, like parrots and stuff like that.

How do your people find this information?

Do they just Google these people?

I don't know.

How do they find out?

this guy's he he he found a bunch of reviews he sent me let me tell you he he found a bunch of

reviews and apparently charlie hangs out in the restaurant with a parrot on his shoulder and the

parrot was shitting all over his shirt and some guy was like yeah hang on let me let me go to the

messages here the arm found this for us let's see i'll read some of these for you uh they have a

tiny private lot for parking this guy got a bunch of information on the restaurant he got the top

Top Ten Dishes.

Here we go.

Here's a review.

They changed owners about nine years ago.

There was a guy, we're thinking Charlie, with a bird sitting on his back and it kept shitting down his shirt.

Very gross.

The owner speaks broken English, which is why, as many have pointed out,

the ordering is done by pointing at photos of dishes in an album.

The owner came out to talk stories with us and give the kids stuffed animal dolls.

how cool is that what a guy he comes from a family of chefs who run restaurants in la and china

uh he's actually taiwanese uh but they serve northern style food which means steer clear of

all stir fries and anything not dough based apparently uh his wife that we talked to she's

usually the only one waiting tables doing takeout orders and running the cash register obviously

we've learned that from talking to them there um so yeah apparently he has a bird in there with

them all the time and the i don't know you got to check out the new facebook there's a new facebook

page for charlie uh that the artist it's in the chat i just i clicked it yeah you see there's a

big page there's a big page it looks like he's getting ready to eat that bird holy shit oh look

at that now yeah he's getting ready to eat a bird this guy i just cook of a bird i don't know

all right let's call that indian place and cancel well you got you're gonna cancel the food here we

yeah yeah let me do it i'm gonna put on an accent what was it 7201 right yeah yeah 7201

in fact let me try it without an accent i've never done it because i didn't do it with an

accent when i ordered the food did i yeah you can go into the accent later when you get mad

yeah yeah yeah yeah let your accent out let your accent out yeah hi there this is mr stewart

yeah food is ready sir food is ready is it yeah well actually i don't want it anymore i changed

my mind how can you can just order it and you can cancel the order because i i decided that i

don't actually like indian food wow you need to decide it before before you call me but i i just

i listened to me i i had some eggs and oh he's mad yeah call him back yeah hi this is mr stewart

yes yeah hi i made an order about 20 minutes ago yes yeah i i don't actually want the food but i

have an idea um i'm gonna pay for it i'm gonna come in there and i want to pay for it and i'm

going to pay extra money for it is that okay okay but i want you to i want you to like cover

yourself with the food okay you like pour it all over your skin and like roll around in it

let me see let me see hello hello yes sir what happened yeah hello how are you good good thank

you excellent and this is mr stewart you know i made an order uh-huh yeah i want to come in there

and i want to pay for the food and i want to pay a little bit extra and i have a request though

Okay.

I want you to cover yourself with the food.

So I want to pour it all over yourself, over your body, over your skin.

And I want you to rub it in.

It's okay.

I want you to rub it into your skin.

I like, I like it.

Indian food all over the body.

You know?

Hello?

What's your name?

My name is Mr. Stewart.

Why don't you come over here?

I want to come over there with your sister and I want to talk to her.

Why don't you bring your own damn sister over here and I'll fuck her over?

I want to fuck your mother

I'm gonna fuck you bitch

I'll fuck you first

Fuck you

Fuck you back

Did you cook

Did you cook the food

You idiot

You cooked it like a twat

Fuck you

You stupid fuck

I'll fuck you first

Alright what did you order

I'm gonna ask for it

And say I don't wanna wait

Because I know

Someone else ordered it

Two tikka masala

Two pila

Two

You didn't have pila right

It was a biryani

Vegetable biryani

Two plain naan

And two papadum

Oh, shit.

I should have done one.

I mean, that's really extreme.

$45 is a fucking lot of money.

Fuck you back, yeah.

Hello?

Yes, hello?

I'd like to make an order, please.

Hello?

Yes, can I make an order, please?

Hello?

Yes, what do you want?

Yes, I'd like two chicken tikka masala.

Okay.

Two vegetable biryani.

Okay.

I think that's it.

How long do I have to wait?

Ready right now.

You can come and pick it up.

Already?

Yes.

Why so fast?

No, I'm very fast, my friend.

I'm the cook right here.

And you already made it?

Yes.

Not like someone else ordered it and didn't pick it up,

and you want me to eat the old food, right?

I don't know.

Don't play games like this, please.

Listen, I'm from the newspaper.

You can get your phone number.

We have a report that your people are serving old food to people.

No, please, don't play games.

And we just trapped you.

We have you down that you're doing that.

You're taking old food and giving it back to people.

That motherfucker.

You asshole.

You motherfucker.

They're not playing games, Milkman.

You heard that?

Yeah.

Milkman, you should go eat there.

They don't play games.

Milkman doesn't like eating anywhere that plays games.

I don't blame him.

I called him again.

Call him again?

Yeah, let me do it.

I hope you're all enjoying the show.

I am.

I picked up a load.

I killed it.

Hey, that reminds me.

That reminds me.

me did you ever did you hear that song that i sent you that i found that someone made a song

with one of your pranks oh yeah yeah yeah big banana yeah somebody else sent that to me a long

time ago um who was it who made that the um famous famous prank call guys like uh what are they called

again i don't know that i never heard of that guy before and then someone was like hey uh someone

told me someone made a prank call a song called big banana and i think it's i think it's one of

the madhouse shit and i was on one potion castle yeah i never heard of that before i never heard

of them they made some really good calls actually they were doing it before i was doing it yeah

well that's according to their website i never heard of them and i told the guys like no that's

not that's not me that's uh whoever sent it on to me i was like no that's not uh that wasn't a mad

well it was jen did that call wasn't a madhouse call or carlito call it was a jen thing

yeah it was pretty funny maybe i'll play that a little later i actually i i messaged the guy

on facebook i was like hey are you you got i heard one of your songs and it uses pranks from

my friend jim stewart you know who he is and the guy sent me back some stupid retarded message

that made no sense i'll tell you what it was here's what i okay and it's he probably doesn't

know who i am yeah i don't know here i go look so here's my question so your big banana track

crack samples my friend jin stewart's pranks have you ever heard of him and he sent me back

hmm i don't know any bands in denver and i was like so i send it back denver stop being cryptic

man just answer the question if you want if you want to bro and don't be stupid man long

mort potion castle you're probably not even listening lamont potion castle i'm not trying

to be stupid i'm just don't answer with some question as the answer i don't know any bands

bands in denver how does i didn't even catch that milkman milkman are you there i gotta call milkman

back sometimes milkman gets he he can hear us but we can't hear him no there you are does it make

any sense to you milkman you lived in denver for a while recently you had a job out there for a few

months so i i asked a guy if he knows jen stewart and he said i don't know any bands in denver does

it make any sense to you am i not is it an inside joke i don't understand does it make any sense

jim stewart in denver anything no right i don't know that doesn't even sound close to like

anything i think the guy either fucked up in a 40 inch lip or something stupid it's it's just a

stupid thing to say anyway uh msc3 clay confirms ted had long mode long month potion castle pranks

on his stream for a long time the pranks are good i never heard and i looked up a lot of his pranks

i was like holy shit that's pretty funny yeah um but uh i could i'm pretty good with pranks i

I thought I'd heard them all.

I thought I was pretty good at knowing, you know, the history of pranks,

and one snuck on the radar there, Longmont Potion Pranks.

Look that up.

I don't know his – I know he has a website.

Yeah, yeah, longmontpotioncastle.com.

I used to listen to – like when I used to listen to the Blue Planet stream

when it used to be PCU, I remember listening to some of their calls.

It was really funny, but I don't think he knows who I am

or the fact that he's used, like, my stuff.

But I don't really care.

It doesn't – I do it for free anyway.

I'm not going to claim copyright or anything.

Yeah, that's fine.

But it's a good, it's a funny song.

I don't know where it is now, but.

Yeah, it's quite good.

It's quite good.

Yeah.

I can send you the link that you sent me if you want.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

I sent you a Dropbox link, right?

That's where I got it.

Do you want the link?

No, that means I have it in my Dropbox, actually.

Let me get it here, yeah.

Thank you.

That explains it.

Audio, big banana.

Big, big banana.

Anyway, so rounding out the chat room real quick,

let's see what people are sending.

Spending marijuana, says Mr. Carlito.

Hi, Miss Marijuana. How are you?

Enigma sent in an article from New York Daily News.

In decent proposal, billionaire offers $65 million marriage to bounty man, socialite, daughter's aisle.

Sounds like a lot of reading right now.

Nunu says he's sorry, Milkman, and he doesn't want you to be mad at him, okay?

He doesn't want there to be any beef between you two anymore.

more just passing that on um lonesome just sent in a number for the saudi arabian embassy in vienna

i don't know should we be calling embassies right now don't i don't know things are kind of weird

at embassies rbcp says an audi is better than a mercedes and a bmw put together that's right

thank you sir this has got my clapping in the background there you go when i when he was like

make a cameo appearance there i can show you i can show you

i love her in that shit you know one that i kept saying to myself recently there was a

some prank where you're like oh is it kushum book yeah kushum book we're at the beginning

you're like are you a dirty fucking motherfucker fucker fucker something like that what the hell

is that at the very beginning i'm just trying to remember what that is very beginning at the

the very beginning you're like hello hi he's like yeah he goes let me ask you a question he's like

yeah and you're like what are you are you a stupid silly bean flicking motherfucker and then he's

like you bastard hey bastard yeah that is cushion book that is cushion book i like yeah it's

somewhere in the middle of cushion book okay uh we got a stupid silly bean flicking motherfucker

we got the new delhi indian restaurant being sent in by milkman's cow milkman needs help

killing his cow to prepare his daily indian indian meal call them up and ask them what the

best way to slaughter a cow is there you go with a car if you ask me there you go it's actually

what is the best way to do it is gas it's not it's the most humane way yeah they shoot them

in the head with a gas yeah they do they know they shoot them in the head with an uh like an

air thing have you seen no country for old men uh yeah he went around killing people with that yeah

yeah with one of those tools yeah and they basically they press the button and this little

rod comes out and shoots about six inches out and then comes back in um and there's so much

pressure behind it i instantly kill the cow i don't know i've seen the videos where it doesn't

really instantly kill the cows but still really yeah there's there's pita has some videos out

there and you see the poor cows yeah it's sad man it's sad anyway reminding me of the time in

puerto rico my mom was driving a car in the middle of the night could barely see these cows were loose

It was on the street, crossing the street, and we hit a cow.

And it got mad, and it started, I think it was a bull.

It started attacking the car.

Hello, Demi, how may I assist you?

Yes, hi, I'd like to make an order.

For pickup, right?

Well, yeah, I had a question.

We have a milkman here who needs a cow.

I'm sorry?

We have a milkman who has a cow.

Yeah, she was game.

Yeah, no, she wasn't.

Damn!

Milkman.

I would bring you back the response.

She taught me a lesson there.

Let's try her again.

She's not into the rock.

Big banana.

I miss that guy, man.

He doesn't work there anymore.

He sold the restaurant to somebody else.

Actually, didn't you try to call?

Was that one of the guys you called Sunday?

Yeah, I did, yeah, on Sunday, yeah.

The guy told you, you know.

Sold the restaurant.

He's not here anymore.

Bastards.

Come on.

Well, it's not happening tonight, is it?

Well, she's super offended with the gal thing.

Get over it.

Let's see.

Six to Midnight Lounge sent in a number for Raul,

a chef at the Assam Indian Kitchen.

who goes balls wild apparently okay cool angry indian he's an angry indian yes can i do it yes

yes yes yes and his name is raul r-a-o-u-l raw well let's all right well let's i'm not gonna

make an order i don't want to make another order already okay wasted 45 dollars god we're affecting

the economy yeah okay yes hello can i speak to raul please yeah yeah who's this who's this sir

Hello?

One second.

Yeah, yeah.

Charlie, he's not here.

Do you want to leave a message, sir?

No, he is there.

I bloody know he's there because I just left the restaurant.

I know he's there.

Okay, give me...

What's your name?

Mr. Stewart.

Felix?

Huh?

Felix?

No, no, Gin.

Gin?

Yeah, Gin Stewart.

Okay, give me one second.

Yeah, yeah, get him.

That son of an owl.

Gin Stewart.

Felix?

Oh, Galia, is that Raul?

Hello?

Raul?

Yes?

Oh, Galia, why did you swear to my friend?

You swore at one of my friends.

He came in there and you swore at him.

I was in the restaurant.

Can't hear you.

Hello?

What do you mean you can't hear me?

What's wrong with you?

Are you swore?

Give me your number.

Let me call my other phone.

What other phone?

You give me your number.

Okay.

818.

Yeah.

942.

Yeah.

5561.

Yeah, okay.

We're going to call you in a second.

Sure.

You're going to have to have the hook.

We'll leave him there.

No, kill it because I can't.

If he's got background, like, you're going to get an okay.

Okay.

Well, I can mute that.

I got it.

Big banana.

Hello, Raul?

Yeah.

Listen, I went into the restaurant today.

Me?

Yeah, yeah.

I don't remember.

Yeah, yeah, but listen to me.

I'm not finished yet.

And my friend, you swore to my friend.

You danced in front of him and you swore at him.

You were wearing a mini skirt and you were dancing in a circle and you swore.

What are you talking about?

What do you mean what I'm talking about?

I'm talking about you.

you swore to my friend and you were dancing in a miniskirt.

Why were you doing that?

I don't know, man.

I think you're going wrong.

Rahul, it's you, you bandy.

Why did you do it?

Actually, I don't know, my friend.

What's going on and then what are you talking about?

Talking about, yeah.

Today was a thing?

Yeah, yeah, today, yeah.

Are you crazy?

I didn't do anything.

I didn't do anything with my customer, man.

Come on.

Yeah, you did.

You are an ulu kapata and you did it.

Ulu kapata.

No, man.

I didn't do anything.

Ulu kapata.

Yeah, you did it.

You did it.

Why are you laughing?

You think it's funny?

Because, yeah, it is funny.

Because I think you're joking, man.

No, no, I'm not joking.

Would it be funny if I came in and with your sister?

would it be funny if if we were married i married your sister would that be funny actually i don't

know you what are you talking about you know and then i didn't i didn't i didn't marry with any

customer shut up shut up you idiot what if i came in and married your mother you

You motherfucker, come over here and then

talk to me front of face, okay?

Listen. I am listening to you, you

bastard. Okay, come over, come over

or do I need to see you?

Where are you?

Where are you, motherfucker?

I'll see you, okay? Where are you?

You son of a bitch.

Listen, motherfucker, where are you?

Hey, motherfucker. I'm outside.

I'm coming, you fucking bastard.

Okay, come, come, come.

I'm here, okay?

You idiot.

I'm here, okay?

Listen to me, I'm coming with your mother.

If you don't come, let me give you a direction and I'll go over there, okay?

Okay, wait.

Don't tell me like that, okay?

I don't know what I'm talking about, okay?

Shut up, you idiot.

And then don't tell me, okay?

I know how I need to handle fucking people, okay?

What do you mean, fucking people?

And then I done already, already fucking done this stuff, okay?

Don't teach me how to do it and then this, that, okay?

Listen, if you have problem, come talk to me in front of him, okay?

I'm telling you on the phone.

Goodbye.

Problem.

Let me try to talk to him.

You do it.

I'll see if I can calm him down.

Calm him down and get him angry again.

Calm him down and then get him angry.

Good boy, yeah.

Thanks, thanks.

That'll really fucking work.

Madhouse, man, madhouse.

Hello?

Yes, hi, this is Eric, and you were just talking to Mr. Stewart.

He's upset at you, I think.

No, no, yes, I am, because I didn't do anything with your customer.

Come on, man, you pissed me off.

Well, listen, I went in there and you said...

I am talk to my customer all the time, friendly.

Everybody knows who I am.

Well, listen...

And then you tell me I do like this, like that.

No, that's not true, man.

Listen...

And then you pissed me off.

I went in there and you said bad things to me and you were dancing around.

You were going like in a circle.

Okay, if you have time, my friend, if you have time, come to see me and then we can talk and then talk about that.

Listen, why don't you come in front of me and I will show you how to make love.

Huh?

Is that what you're saying?

Where are you?

In the bathroom.

Bathroom?

Yes, right now.

Come into the bathroom now and I'm going to show you how to make love.

Don't you ever talk to me like that.

And my friend Mr. Stewart is...

Back room?

Where is it?

Where are you?

I don't know which back room you're talking about.

Inside the restaurant.

Inside the restaurant?

Yes.

And I'm scared because you're threatening me and my friend Jen Stewart is here.

No, no, no.

I didn't threaten you.

You're threatening me.

Okay?

Don't you ever go in front of me dancing and saying that I'm like a girl.

No, no, no.

You're threatening me.

You said, oh, look, and you said that I sit down when I pee.

No, no, no.

You start first, right?

I didn't talk to anybody until I'm here eight months, my friend.

Listen, until eight months I'm here, I didn't bother anybody, any people.

Do you sit down when you pee?

Is that what you do?

When you go pee, do you sit down?

Anyway, come and talk to me, okay?

Hey, you sit down and pee like a girl.

We're going to see what's going on, this shit.

Hey, asshole.

We need to done this shit.

Hey, Bhenchod, listen.

When you sit down, do you pee like a girl to sit down when you pee?

You sit down like a girl?

right okay okay you have time come and then talk to me okay you you piss me off man i don't know

i don't know i don't know i never talk to my customer anything i'm all the time friendly

with my listen f-u-c-k fuck you okay yeah fuck all right asshole you too motherfucker you son

Son of a bitch.

Get the bag.

Bitch.

Bitch man.

All right.

Maybe we should call the restaurant back.

I don't know.

Yeah, call that one ending 7220, the one that we ordered from.

The one that we ordered from.

7220.

Let's find it.

I've got to find it in the list.

7201.

Come on, Jen.

7201.

Get with it.

Oh, sorry.

772.

Yeah, sorry.

777.

7-7-7-7.

I need to do something like that again.

that was really funny the sevens yes yeah we're just repeating the same number what are you

fucking crazy yeah hi dear i would like to make an order please okay what is order i want to have

two chicken tikka masala two vegetable biryani okay and your mother i'm sorry your mother sorry

your mom your mother your mother mommy you know yours your mother no i want yours you bloody idiot

that's why i'm calling you idiots can you cook the food for me why not we that's what we hear

i want i want my 45 dollars back can i get them back i want my 45 dollars i placed an order

earlier today huh yeah yeah and now it was 45 dollars and i didn't collect it yeah no sir yeah

yeah you're stupid put your colleague on the phone yeah yeah yeah you're idiots put the other guy on

well what do you well then who are you and you don't know about the order i placed

No, no, I don't know.

I placed a big order for $45 earlier this evening, and I didn't collect it.

Okay, all right.

It's not okay, no.

Where is, are you stupid?

What, are you just working there, or what?

Yeah, I work here, that's why.

Yeah, then you are stupid, then you are stupid.

Hello?

Yeah, because I'm saying, I'm saying, if you had any decency or any intelligence, you would be swearing.

He's a woman, that's why he doesn't care.

Yeah, you are a woman.

I'm sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to add that.

No, no, it's correct.

Correct. My friend here is telling you, you are a woman.

You are a woman and a suttmaranidhva.

You find somebody else.

No, I'm you. I found you. That's why I found you.

No, he is not that type of you, what you're looking for.

It is. And I'm with your mother and your sister and I'm bringing them to the restaurant.

I'm sorry to interrupt again, but we found your sister. That's who we found. Go ahead.

Yeah. That is your sister. That man I was talking to there, that man is your sister.

No.

Yes, yes. It's your sister. Talk to him.

That's it. Listen to the voice. That's your mother.

Hello? You're an idiot.

I think you're a bigger idiot, okay?

No, you are a big idiot.

No, you. You're the mother person.

You're the one.

I am your mother. I am your mother.

Be respectful. Show some respect.

You are a bigger person. That's the word, okay?

Why not?

Why? What's the reason for saying it?

Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it.

Will you forgive me?

Well, if you say bye, that's it.

No, no. I want to... I'm not... I get off on your mother.

You know it's a you have mother too, huh? No, did you know? No, I mean I I come from a test you

I'm a test you baby. Okay, then you you don't know what is the mother? Okay, then you

I know

That's understand that that's that you bigger one, okay? No, I'm not you are the big

Yeah, you are because you don't have mother and you you fuck you mother and then you will know

How can I fuck my mother if I don't have a mother, you stupid plonker?

What, huh?

Are you stupid, huh?

I want to come in there and slap you with a fish.

Can I do that?

You stupid bloody idiot.

What are you swearing at me for?

He just doesn't get angry.

He gets insulted.

That's good.

Let me do this one here.

This is Rick from Palm Stars.

The show I told you about, Jen.

Ah, which one?

Pod Stars.

This is Rick.

I generally don't listen to voicemails, so please give me a text.

Thanks.

Bye.

That's a really good answer.

That's nice of him, though.

At least he lets you know ahead of time.

I don't listen to voicemails.

I'm going to do that on my phone.

That's true.

I never listen to my voicemails.

My voicemails are full.

I always listen to my voicemails.

I like listening to people.

I prefer that to talking to them, actually.

Sometimes I just don't answer the phone and let them leave a voicemail.

Shoot, my voicemail, I think they're full.

I left my mom's voicemails, the last few that she sent before she passed away.

I left them on there so I can listen to them whenever I want.

Oh, yeah?

The last little bit of my mom that I got left.

I got more.

I mean, you know, she was an interesting lady.

She used to get mad if I didn't pick up the phone.

So there's a bunch of angry voicemails from my mom.

Carlo, why you not answer the phone?

You don't want to talk to me?

and there's there's one on there like from her at the airport to go pick her up like two days

before she died she came up here and she's like i'm at the airport and you and athena aren't here

to pick me up what's going on i'm like and i'm like oh there you are click god that's they were

all i had to listen to them and um i'll never forget like after the day she yeah it was the

morning after she died and like i was getting calls from family like family was calling because

they were all starting to find out that my mom had died and like my aunts and stuff were calling

to find out what happened and stuff and i had turned i couldn't i couldn't deal with it overnight

i actually didn't come back home i stayed at my in-laws my father-in-law's house spent the night

there and i turned my cell phone off i shut it off because i couldn't couldn't talk to anybody

the only person i talked to was milkman that night as a matter of fact i talked to my mom my dad

you know to see if he was okay and i called milkman i said hey milkman this is what happened

i was crying my ass off milkman i'll tell you i wasn't good only only and then i pick up the

i turn remember i turn on the phone and there's all these voicemails and i start listening

their first four voicemails are my mom's voice who she had she had died less than 24 hours before

and it's her yelling at me for not answering the phone and i just i just lost it i just

start crying my wife's like what's wrong like you get listed as you know and i'm half laughing

half crying you know it's kind of you know it's kind of hard not to laugh but you know god that's

life man that's how life is still got those voicemails though i need to record them as well

i need to call him on the computer from google voice you can use the soundboard oh my god

there's a andy andy i think he left the chat room but when we lived together we had an apartment

together when we first went to college and i think i had told i told my mom yeah i'm coming

i'm gonna i'm gonna come over for the weekend and i didn't leave i left late i used to leave

late all the time left like an hour away and the thing was i called my mom and i'm like mom

man i'm leaving i'm leaving like in five minutes and i didn't leave for like an hour and in the

time that i left while i was i didn't have a cell phone but we didn't either it was it was like 97

97 98 and no one really had cell phones then so you still you know she was calling my apartment

and getting the answering machine and leaving angry she was leaving angry uh messages on the

answering machine and crying like where are you what are you doing to me and they and andy and

and my other roommate mike they took the tape out of the answering machine they made a copy of it

oh really and they they put it in a in a walkman and they kept playing it for my our friends um

at the they kept playing it for our friends at school at the university and i got really mad

because i i go to like i like after that weekend like i show up at school like i go to the computer

we go to the computer lab and that's our group we hang out the computer lab we play starcraft

all night and stuff and and they're all like yeah carlito we heard we heard your mom crying

they're like what like yeah man your mom was pissed off at you then she started crying and

then the shit i'm like those fucking andy fucking andy fucking mike those fucking assholes

and they like they they started taking the messages and they were leaving him on like

voicemails for like crisis centers and stuff and i think andy's any stepdad like worked at

at a crisis center or something and they left a bunch of voicemails of my mom crying looking for

me and they had some kind of big thing they're like there's some crazy lady crying on the phone

she's in distress and they're like trying to find out who this was and stuff hey i should get andy

on the air one day and talk about this uh that's good yeah god man anyway that's my mom oh god

Anyway.

Maven says StarCraft, man.

StarCraft, the original StarCraft is good.

Nunu's reminding me we need to talk about Atatürk.

Atatürk, I guess, that's the name.

Atatürk?

Atatürk is the founder of the country of Turkey.

Atatürk, Atatürk.

Yeah, they're like your mom and dad, man.

So, like, you guys are going to have fun with it.

I'm going to call him, see if I can get him on the...

I'm going to call his house.

Because the lady's fun and everything,

thing but she does the same thing now she talks to jen and says she wants to fuck jen and we laugh

yeah yeah it's okay but well yeah it gets dull after that yeah it's been we did call her though

one more time and oh yeah yeah we'll call her for the night's up i still think she wants to

fuck you jen i'm sure if you're ever in california i yeah if i come to america that's the first place

i'm going to get laid san francisco have angry angry sex with her i'll come with a whip watch

Watch your back, man.

It should kill you.

Oh, yeah.

It's midnight.

I got Ken and the others, Dirty Aaron, trying to call in.

Let me do this call.

One is available to take your call.

Please leave a message after the tone.

Hello?

Is anyone there?

Pick up the phone.

I'll give it a few seconds, then I'll call it back.

That's enough time.

Let's do it.

Is it busy?

Yeah.

Machine's still clearing up.

Here we go.

Hello?

I hear you there, you little muggy.

Hello?

I heard him for a little bit.

You heard him in the background?

He picked up.

He was like, yeah, yeah.

Oh, boy.

It looks like the Ravens won today, Jen.

I know you're excited about that.

They beat the Cleveland Browns.

Oh, yeah.

What the fuck?

I don't even know what you're saying.

Yeah.

Football.

I'm very excited.

American football.

The big thing, you know, the officials, the referees and stuff.

For American football, the players were playing, but the referees, the people that make the

calls, you know, they were on strike.

So they had replacements.

They had, like, I don't know where they got these people from.

They really sucked.

Volunteers, probably.

I don't know where they got them from,

but they made a bunch of bad calls over the weekend this last weekend.

Really?

Holy shit.

I think at least two or three games were, like, just full of bad calls,

and the very last game of last weekend was heavily contested

because they did a really bad call.

Dirty, right?

right it wasn't yeah bad call uh uh guess who's fucking three and oh that's me bitches oh yeah

i'm one and two i don't even want to talk about it and then matt stafford is hurt what the fuck

is that about i don't know i just i just checked my shit and my fucking tight end got zero points

i don't know how the fuck that happens i don't know i'm gonna be i'm screwed man if matthew

stafford's out my starting quarterback are you talking about fantasy football yeah fantasy

football man the madhouse fantasy football league where i'm in big trouble because there's no

No quarterbacks left, and my star quarterback is hurt.

He might not play.

You're going to train me Mark Sanchez for Stafford.

I might have to put him up.

I don't know.

We'll have to see.

You guys speak?

Ken, you guys speak?

Yeah, I can barely hear you, Ken.

Yeah, bring your volume up.

Just one question, just briefly.

How is it possible, right, that if it's fantasy, how is he injured?

All right, so what happens is he doesn't understand.

He's in acute.

cute all right so what happens is you every you know they they play in the real world they play

the players play on their own team real world game but then but everybody like what 12 of us

got together before the season started before the 12 was it 12 weeks in a season i guess

yeah and we get together and we all pick players from different teams and we make our own fantasy

team so we'll have a player from one team and a player in a different team and stuff like that

And depending how they play, in the real world, we get points for however good they do.

For all their plays and the points and the yards that they move the ball and however many home runs they get.

That makes sense.

Yeah, however many baskets they do.

Yeah, and then we get all the points for that.

And then we talk about it and piss Nunu off.

And pass, apparently.

And pass.

I don't want to hear about football

Fuck football

Yeah

Oh man

There's Nunu

UK UK UK

I think we need to turn the stallion back on

With the caps

God yes I think so too

Then Screamer will be gone

You still sound like shit

Yeah what's going on Ken come on man

I'm going to ghost click you

Hey Carlito I sent in a phone number

Over the request of prank

for the essence of china that's the name of the restaurant okay essence of china do you have a

history with them or you just found them no no i have a coupon for them but uh that's about it

i just had the idea that you had the essence of china come out of your toilet when you took a

shit i ate there and the essence of china came up all right essence of china cantonese and mandarin

cuisine tell them you had the essence of china when you shit in the toilet very good yeah i like

that's good and they're in oregon that's cool oregon one of three states that are voting i

believe in november to legalize recreational use of marijuana yeah that's right they had a big deal

about it on the radio and stuff did they washington oregon and i think color i can't imagine it's

going to pass in colorado no that seems a little too conservative it sounds like a pipe dream but

i could see oregon and washington passing it you know yeah it's going to be close i don't know

No, it's Oregon and Washington.

I mean, you really should split it with the east and the west

because what they should do is they should make eastern Oregon

and eastern Washington a state

and then make western Oregon and western Washington a state

because right where the mountains are, it's progressive,

and on the other side where it's dry, it's all cowboy hats.

Oh, all right, gotcha.

The other way.

Yeah, well, let's not...

And in the middle, it's all gay.

It's all gay.

No, only on the coast, on the left coast.

No, because the mountains, you know, the cowboys on one side, Brokeback Mountain.

Oh, okay.

Wow.

The cowboys are all in Dallas.

It's only steers and queers in Texas.

Well, didn't that fail last?

Wasn't it last election that California had the same kind of thing?

They didn't die, but it was a shitty bill.

It was actually, it was a trip.

Yeah, I don't know.

I think they researched it a bit more up in here.

Because you can get your marijuana card, like, through the doctor and stuff in Oregon really easy.

Yeah, I heard it's really easy.

It's not as easy as California where you can walk in and they have a doctor that sees you and gets you seven different kinds of pot.

But isn't prescription marijuana a little bit different?

No.

No, no, no.

Not at the places in California because you just walk in.

They have it on the wall like it's seven different kinds.

It's like a liquor store but for weed.

Yeah.

Well, they have everything.

They have edibles and stuff.

Milkman will tell you.

He knows all about it.

Milkman, right?

here in michigan it's the same way you go to a doctor tell them you got cancer or some shit

they're like oh yep here's a card for you yeah but you have to go three times and stuff and

you have to have a pattern fuck no one time that's it done and done wow well that's awesome

it's pretty cool out here man you just got you go into it and it's like a bar man like a lot of

them are stuff like them yeah and you go up there and then you get in line like to get your drink

whatever and instead of having like bottles of alcohol they got like bottles of stuff there you

you go yeah hi is this essence of china essence of china yes yes i had your food there and i have

a complaint yes yeah i well i ate the food and then i'll tell you what the essence of china came

out when i took a shit in the toilet can i really help you sir well it was bad when i took a shit in

the toilet after it came out really bad and this is what i imagine china is like is that what you're

trying to say or how can i help you well it was bad food it made me sick what is your what is

is your phone number sir 6251 did you order from us today yesterday what did you have yesterday

i had the general sal is it you know the vegetables the vegetables were soft the vegetables were soft

chicken and then you had some vegetables yeah and the vegetables were really bad

what kind of vegetables did you have i don't know there was sugar peas snap peas carrots corns

when i shit in the toilet there's carrots in there there's corn there's peanuts in there

And what is this?

Why did this happen?

I had this for pickup or for delivery.

I picked it up.

And was it lunchtime or dinnertime?

Dinnertime.

I ate it.

And why did it come out like this in the toilet?

Why does it look like this?

Is this a valid complaint, sir?

Yes.

Why did it come out in the toilet like this?

Why does it look bad and smell bad?

I am not going to answer that question.

If you have a true valid complaint, I'd like to help you.

Would you like to have a credit?

Or would you like for us to redo your order for you?

Well, I'm not going to redo the order

if it's going to make me go to the bathroom and do these things.

Well, I'd like a credit.

Okay.

My order, it came out to like $22, and I'd like a credit for $40 even.

What is your name, sir?

My name is Cross.

Okay, I will get back to you.

Listen, my question for you is, why did it come out like this in the toilet?

Why?

Sir, I'm not going to answer that question.

It smells really bad.

I don't understand why it came out.

Sir, I am not going to answer that question.

Well, how is it supposed to come out when it's done?

I don't know.

Oh, I had another idea that you should ask is the reason why it smells like shit

is because the Mexicans cooked it and not real Chinese people.

Is it Mexicans there?

I have no idea.

Probably, probably.

You always get the cute sounding ones.

How do you do that?

I don't get it.

Another good one, Carlito, is call another restaurant to order food and cancel it,

but do the callback number as Raul's cell phone number.

See if we can get the restaurant to call us back after we cancel it.

Where did you come up with that Oregon phone number so quick?

I just took the area code that you gave me and I randomized it.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I keep contemplating if I should set up Skype with a valid incoming number.

That's what I have.

I don't use Skype, but I do have a valid call-in number.

It's actually, yeah.

What are you using?

You've got a whole nice set up there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So what's the deal with that?

I'm going to call in on Sunday.

Everybody's asking.

Everybody's asking what I'm using.

I can't tell you what I'm using.

I know that, you know, one of the calls, this guy was so surprised.

Like, how did I call him four times or three different lines and had him connect to his own phone every time he called me back?

Well, I'm using a type of VoIP software that I set up myself, but I don't really want to say on air what it is because I don't want everybody to get the same thing.

Wow, you're like a phone loser over there.

It doesn't release the call either?

Like, the line stays?

no i can i can stay hacked i can actually really hack into their line and stay connected to their

line like i can actually use their line to call out so um yeah it's a bit complicated but it's

really funny what i think ninja wow yeah that's so how do so do you have to call like to get a

go ahead no no you go ahead you're saying do you have to call to get together

what yeah how do you get together on the line how do you do a conference

Okay, well, I basically call their line,

and I can sort of open the line

so that other people can call into the same line.

Okay, gotcha.

So like the old phone loser's line or whatever?

I don't know.

I don't know if phone losers were doing that.

Or the bridge.

That's what they used to call it, right?

Yeah, it's a bridge.

Yeah, exactly.

That's very nice.

In Uganda, the homosexuals, they eat the poopoo.

Zyklon's here.

Zyklon, big Zyke.

What's up?

How are you?

All right, we're calling the Turkish kitchen horse lady, Jen.

Did you see the webpage link I gave you?

No, the what? The webpage link?

I put a link to the webpage in the request of Frank.

Oh, okay. I'll check it.

Thank you for calling Turkish Twitter.

Hello?

Yes?

Yes? Python.

Motherfucker.

Wow.

What are some other Turkish swear words?

Always trying to spell it and shoot calls on them.

Just motherfucker.

Please call her back.

Motherfucker.

She's pissed off today man

Maybe it's that time of the month

She's extra angry

I'm half tempted to like email them

With a link to the

Church fuck Greeks prank call

I'm gonna take the number

So that I can call them

It's not going through come on

Yeah the webpage is on there

Just get the number then feel free to prank call them all the time

You can get it from Skype or I'll send it to you Jen

I don't even know that website

Turkish Kitchen

Just Google Turkish Kitchen Berkeley

Thank you for calling Turkish Kitchen

For a takeout order please leave your name and number

And we'll get back to you as soon as possible

Do we really have them to the point

Is that right

Leave your name and number we'll call you back

Get your fucking order then you can come get it

I think we got them to the point where they don't

They don't take orders

Normal you have to leave a message now

To get to take an order

That's only for Thursday though

Every other day of the week, they take the fucking order.

Yeah, so, Jin, you call him on Sunday.

When you do your show, call him.

They won't be expecting that.

I want to call his home number, though.

Can you put it into Skype?

Yeah, I'll get it.

You got it.

Fucking high one.

Matter of fact, I'll try to call him one more time while I'm at it.

Why not?

Let's call his home number.

I can't believe you got his home number.

That's brilliant.

I don't know how you guys do this shit, but I...

FBI Steve is like a ninja, too.

When it's coming to info, he got...

Yeah, but normally I can do that.

Like, I can get some information, but, like, a phone number like that,

like a home phone number, that's impossible.

I don't know.

I think Steve, FBI Steve, is actually,

I think he's paying to get, like, the business info.

Oh, like, yeah.

Yeah, you can just Google the place and then type it in,

and for $5 you get unlimited access for, like, a day or something.

Yeah, I think that's what he is.

Better, yeah.

Who the fuck still has a home phone number?

Who the fuck has an answering machine on their home phone number on top of that?

that's the weird thing

god

like

well here's the thing

does he have an answering machine

or does he have a voicemail

no that's an answering machine

I've tried to tap into it

but I don't know his code

he's smart enough

I was about to say

yeah where's RVCP

he knows all about this shit

get him to hack it

I've tried the

the normal combinations

and haven't had

much luck

there we go

see if he picks up

well he's picked up

let's see if he talks

hello

no one is available

to take your call

we got the wrong number man

no we don't

yes we do

no

yeah no no

What's our number then?

Fuck you, motherfucker. I fuck you in the ass.

I-I-I-I fuck you, you son of a bitch.

I want to talk to Faizan.

I want to fuck Faizan.

You are the one number, man.

I thought I heard an answering machine. How-why did he, uh...

He picked it up. He picked it up.

Yeah, he picked it up.

Oh, that's no good, though, because then he's got us recorded.

Oh, no!

You're right.

He can give it to the police.

he's gonna come over here thank you for calling Turkish kitchen for a takeout order please leave

your name and number and we'll get back to you as soon as possible hello Faison hi excellent hello

Faison this is Mr. Stewart calling I want to get together at some point so we can go over what we

talked about I have a whip and I have a leather if we can get together then we can make a feather

thank you

they're screening their calls now

you shut the whole

fucking restaurant down right there

that's gotta be hitting into their business there

you gotta think

they close at 11

over on the west coast

which is what 1am

no 2am here

so they still got an hour and a half

so by the way Carlito

you know that I work at a gun store right

no

Dude, we just got like five friggin' desert eagles in.

Do you have a golden desert eagle?

I remember seeing a clip on YouTube of this guy, this Russian guy,

who's got a golden desert eagle.

They exist, but we don't have one.

All we have is stainless.

Can you send it to me?

No.

I don't think you can send that.

Can you even have guns over there in the U.K.?

No, you need a license.

You need a firearms license.

Do they even let you, even with a license?

You know all you have to do to buy that desert eagle where I live?

Literally, you have to be a resident.

to the state pass the background check pay the man walk on out with your desert eagle yeah that's

that's pretty cool you gotta wait three days you gotta wait three days too not in my state

three minutes i thought the brady bill was everywhere i thought no they don't have that

it was initially when they signed it now the nra basically made them the nra lobbied enough

people to change it to where once it became computerized it would go to 15 minutes well

Well, I guess that makes sense.

Yeah, but I thought it was, yeah, because remember, you're right,

there was an argument where there had to be a cooling down period

because if I'm crazy and I'm angry and I'll go and get the,

I'll buy the gun and go use it, but if they make you wait three days,

you'll have some time to relax and cool down a little bit.

Yeah, that's BS.

Yeah, it is BS.

That's true.

I've went a couple times with my cousin when he was buying, like, AR-15,

and it took about 15 minutes for him to get the word back if it was okay or not.

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's weird, though, because it can depend on the time of day.

Like on a Saturday, when there's hardly anybody working in the government office,

it can take like 15, 20 minutes.

But on a weekday, when it's slow, it can take like one.

Just out of interest, Cyclone, do you make a lot of money at the gun store?

I actually don't make that much.

I make like an hour plus commission.

Is it your gun store, or you just work there?

No, I just work there.

I'm just a salesman guy

a good friend of our show

Turd Burglar used to do a lot of pranks with us

before he joined the army

he owns a gun store

he actually opened up a gun store

he does a lot of stuff on Facebook

he's been getting at me because he wants to do a podcast

that's gun related

like firearms, safety

and just

gun enthusiast

podcast

so what do they do

they just talk about guns

Yeah, we got our guns and played with the guns.

It's weird, though.

I mean, there's so many different guns that do so many friggin' different things.

Yeah, silencers, loudners, a bunch of stuff.

Silencers are a pain in the ass to get.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, God.

Literally, it's about as hard to get a silencer in the U.S. as it is to get a gun in the U.K.

Why?

Well, doesn't it make a gun really inaccurate, too, if you have a silencer?

No.

No?

But it made it more accurate.

You have to use subsonic ammunition.

Subsonic ammunition.

Oh, subsonic ammunition.

See, I don't know shit about weapons.

So why is it difficult to get that, then?

Because silencers are regulated differently than guns.

What the fuck? Why?

Because it means you're a murderer if you have a silencer.

Yeah, why do you need to be walking around with a silent gun?

Why do you need to be walking around with a gun anyway?

What the fuck?

If you're going to have a gun, why not have a gun with a silencer?

I don't get that.

Jim, have you ever been to Los Angeles?

No.

I'm telling you.

That's why.

you need a weapon and actually here's the thing though is that to silence anything that's a big

gun the silencer is about a foot long yeah it's really impractical yeah

yeah well because yeah the whole the whole thing is like if you're going to have a gun for

protection it's to use it because you're threatened you don't care if it's silent or not you're not

you're not trying to be sneaky you know unless you're like in the military that's got applications

Vacations, you know, for...

Yeah, I can understand that.

Well, there's other advantages, like if you're hunting for certain varmint controls, they're really helpful.

Like hunting hogs, where they're considered a pest.

So they don't run away.

Having the sounds really helps, so you don't spook the whole herd.

Okay.

In this case, remember, this is not hunting for sport.

This is hunting because they're causing damage, and you want to kill them all before they can get away.

Yeah, they're going crazy.

Florida has a big thing now with the pig.

The wild boar just destroying...

Oh, exactly.

exactly and uh where i live it's as if you can hunt it's unlimited season on wild hogs

shoot as many as you want oh my god some lady in orlando just uh an old lady they don't know

she was feeding the gator or what it was but she uh 80 something year old lady would they

like at 4 30 in the morning they think she had alzheimer's and was nuts but she was in the

a retention pond behind her house

and started screaming

and her neighbor

ran out. Did she get eaten by the gator?

The neighbor pulled her out

and when he looked, she had no arm.

Her arm was gone.

The gator was swimming away.

It's not funny.

I don't know if she died. They said she was

in critical condition, but they had

to sever her arm

at the shoulder.

The gator took off from the elbow

and they ended up having to take it off of the shoulder.

they said there was a she probably wasn't going to survive just because she was so old the trauma

her body was going through the blood probably lost so much blood yeah all the blood loss and

she's an older lady that's some happy gilmore shit right there yeah but apparently they were

saying that she her neighbors had they don't know she was doing it but they said the neighbors had

a habit of feeding gators which is the stupidest thing never feed an alligator if you're listening

if you're a younger guy younger kid don't ever they're because alligators are so retarded they

They don't know the difference that you're feeding them or that your hand is the food.

They're just, they get used to it.

They're not your friend.

They're stupid.

They're dumb animals.

Actually, there's one thing you should feed a gator, and that's a lead and copper-covered

bullet traveling at 1,500 feet per second.

I don't know.

I'd give it up.

Six midnight lounges, fucking.

Yeah, there's something wrong with him.

I heard when they pulled her out of the water, the gator was lockjawed on her snatch.

Sick fucker.

That's crazy.

Poor old lady.

Crazy old lady.

What the fuck is wrong with that guy?

I know I had seen on the local Twitter feed,

one of the Orlando Twitter feeds,

that they had caught the gator.

He got loose, but they were tracking him,

and apparently they caught him,

and they opened it up,

and they confirmed it had a hand.

There was an elbow inside the gator,

so they caught the right one.

I'm guessing they killed it.

Well, yeah, they killed it.

Yeah, they have to.

Because I know in Louisiana, for instance, if an alligator gets over a certain length, it's considered, and it's in public, or at least when it's near people, it's considered a nuisance and they have to kill it.

I'm wondering if that lady died.

Let me look.

The alligator attacked Florida.

Well, number two, though, is that the gator probably has a whole bunch of bacteria and shit in its teeth.

Yeah, dirty mouth.

Oh, she died.

Oh, no, the alligator that attacked the Florida woman is killed in Leesburg.

i'm curious now let me play some music here i want to see if that lady survived or not

i was following this story it actually was in huffington post they were talking about uh i know

you guys were just talking about hoggers a second ago there's a show on history called american

hoggers where they actually go out and kill those wild uh pigs and shit it's actually pretty funny

the old man that does it he gets pushed around and fucking falls in a bunch of weeds and brush

and shit like that while he's trying to do it his kids are laughing their ass off that's nice

Yeah, earlier today, uh, yesterday, uh, this morning, rather, 27th, 8.56 in the morning.

Wildlife officials say they caught and killed the alligator that ripped off an elderly woman's arm in Central Florida.

Yeah, no word if she survived. I'm guessing if she survived, they probably would have put down that she had died.

Yeah, she's probably still in critical condition.

Yeah, poor old lady. Well, we're, here's, we're looking out for you, old lady.

There's any gossip, though? I don't think there is.

instead of getting you guys instead of getting me that uh arcade game the horse game uh let's

all pull together and get it get the game for her maybe she can enjoy that she can play you see how

much that uh fucking game went for carlito no 19 000 for the eight player unit 119 000

for the eight player machine god man i found a site that has all the different prices on the

different machines right they got a four player version i saw that's the they had the big eight

The thing is huge, too.

Like, how big are we talking?

No, it's like three big screens, and it's got places for eight people with benches and everything.

So what exactly is it?

I don't know.

Like, you ever go to a casino, and they've got the electronic poker machine or the electronic casino?

Yeah, I hate those.

I refuse to play anything that's not a table game.

Yeah, isn't that stupid?

Why would you go to a casino and all these table games around you,

and you're going to sit down at a fucking video game to play instead and gamble?

Exactly.

That is boring.

That's worse than playing the slots.

They had about three or four different versions

of that game, Carlito, and it was around

$56,000, $59,000

for the game.

Well, get it for me.

Come on, guys, man. We can do it, right?

At House Community Shipping.

Alright, let's do pranks.

Come on, guys. Yeah, let's do some pranks.

Alright, we got a number here.

Well, I got an angry Chinese man

who answered a little bit earlier here.

This one came from Atomic.

the number kitchen Chinese food

or maybe the number one kitchen.

Their logo is

a pompous Chinese man in a chef's hat.

They don't enjoy it when you make fun

of China. Tell them you want a free

Thai bet.

Is Thai bet next to Taiwan?

No.

Isn't it Tibet, not Thai bet?

It's Tibet.

Sorry.

You should say that Taiwan

is better than China.

That's guaranteed to piss them off.

It also say good things about the nationalists

And say you want to poo

Say you want to poo on Mao

Let me do it

Oh god

Here we go

Don't fuck this up Zyklon

I don't like that

I was going to do it normal

Not Larry

Don't believe me cause I'm not black

That's milkman

You bring up Andy around Milkman, he's like,

Milkman here, Milkman, wake up.

Milkman, time to go to school.

That fucker's sawing logs right now.

Milkman is still sleeping.

Milkman, you've been asleep for four weeks.

Oh, man.

Four weeks, welcome back to the show.

But here's a weird thing, though,

is that for the first 20 years or so in China,

And that's literally all they did when the communists took over was screw things up.

Great Leap Forward?

Well, about 100 million people died.

I heard about that.

That Great Leap Forward, a lot of people got starved.

Well, it's because they misplanned the whole food economy.

Because Mal was an idiot.

He wasn't as smart as people make him out to be.

I'm calling Red Robin, where burger lovers unite.

How can we be of service to you?

To place a to-go order, press 1.

For directions and hours of operation, press 2.

They got some ham-boo?

To reach a member of our hospitality team, press 3.

Y'all got ham-boo?

Did you guys really like that ham-boo thing?

I thought nobody liked that.

Jack Madison doesn't have a good history with Red Robin.

Oh, shit.

There's a Red Robin in where I work.

It sucks.

I'd go for a Big Boy right now.

Big Boy Burgers, man.

Get that sauce.

Who's doing this?

Do they?

Do they have Five Guys or In-N-Out in Pennsylvania?

Five Guys.

Five Guys is the bomb.

Best fries.

I know.

I just hate it.

I don't know.

Y'all got ham-boo?

Y'all got Habu?

I guess I've heard that.

She knows you.

Yeah, she knows us.

I heard a pause like nobody was taking it.

I was like, okay, I guess I'll take it.

And then we all jumped in with the same thing.

Y'all got Habu?

All right.

Well, here we go.

Let's look at Lonesome Loser and his machined prank numbers.

Tons of them in England.

That's what you guys want.

Well, it is English time, isn't it?

Why not?

A while back when you did Jack Masterson,

you were trying to talk the Red Robin lady

eating and bringing the fries out to your pickup

loading the whole fucking bed of the truck up.

A garbage bag.

Well, here's the thing, though,

is that Red Robin has

free refills on their root beer floats.

Do they?

Yeah, that's the only reason I go there, really, in my mind.

Oh, man.

Maybe something like Jack Master said?

Went to his white devil fucking boys.

French fries.

Jack Master said asking about

root beer floats and if he can have like a

super, super large one.

Alright, here we go.

Excuse me.

Here we go with the first.

Hey, Kalita.

Yo.

UK Godfather one.

Oh.

Alright, UK Godfather.

Does he have hospital numbers?

Hospital numbers.

We need the pass.

Maybe some European cell phones

and people that won't answer.

Yeah.

That are going to cost me.

At least not as bad as the guy

that gave us Fulton County

emergency services.

I was going to say.

Then I blamed it on him

and he said,

oh, it was me.

Alright.

I like that one.

He's sitting there

talking about,

oh, they're congregating outside

like they're just having

a fucking party

out in the middle of the street godfather of the uk well he's connected i did my part all right

william hello animal control william anthony parr guys in england shut up on the set please

for god's sake who wants the uk brent westwood i'm on it all right william anthony parr good

luck with this yes good morning mom is william there william who william bill what's his surname

What's the surname?

Par.

Who are you, please?

My name is Brent Westwood.

Where are you from?

I'm calling from the NFL Referees Administration.

NFL?

Do you know what time it is, please?

No, I don't.

It's five o'clock in the morning.

It's five o'clock in the morning here.

Where are you calling from?

I'm calling from Los Angeles, Mom.

Yes.

I'm sorry.

You ought to get your time right.

It's all the way up to the night here.

I'm sorry.

It's twenty to six, actually.

Sorry?

It's twenty to six, actually.

I'm having trouble hearing you.

Do you don't speak English?

I am calling from the National Football League on behalf of the referees.

We've reinstated the referees for tonight's game,

and we were taking a survey about it.

Would you like to participate?

Oh, no, thank you very much.

Goodbye.

Oh, hold on.

We're going to have to call you back.

I was going to mention it if you guys heard about that.

Yeah, we already talked about it.

Move on.

Yeah, moving on.

Were they still replacements tonight, or did they make it in time?

No, I think they got the real ones out.

And also, Cleveland won.

Yeah.

I thought the Ravens won.

You calling her back?

Yeah, calling her back.

I didn't watch it.

I got this.

Oh, God.

Here we go.

Hello, William.

Who's this?

Yes, this is Brent Westwood calling from the National Football League.

Referee's administration machine.

Why?

Because we're taking a survey about...

Hello, are you still there?

It's a great village.

Yes.

It's middle of the night.

Well, not really.

It's the morning.

and you should be up getting your tea and crumpets.

Hello?

Hang it up.

You can get it.

What a bunch of assholes.

They want us to bring the Super Bowl over there sometime

and they fucking treat us like this.

Super Bowl my ass in England.

Never.

You know what's the big discussion over here at the moment

is that missing school girl

who went off with her teacher to France.

She's 15 years old.

In France, the age of consent is 15.

In England, the age of consent is 16.

So now the teacher's gone off with this girl to France

probably to give her a good shake.

And so this is all over the news.

But the girl didn't come back with the teacher.

So now they're all like...

She's had a murder on her.

Yeah, they think maybe something's happened to her.

So now the parents are all over the news and everything.

Oh, we want you to come home, this, that, and the other.

Yeah, it was just on the Guardian site reading about it.

What did the teacher say?

Did he say that he doesn't...

No, no, the teacher, they're both still missing, basically.

So they think something's happened.

Nobody knows what's happened.

but the teacher's obviously gone off with the girl

to France, so that's all we know.

Well, there you go. Good deal.

That's horrific.

She's got it surrendered.

I can't believe the age is 16 in England.

That's horrible, too. What's going on with you?

Why is that horrible? 16 in England

and 15 in France, 14 in Germany.

What's the matter about America?

Well, no, it depends on the state, actually.

Michigan is 16.

Hey, William, are you still there?

William.

William, I need you to

to enter the code into the phone if you do not

want to take the survey.

That's the code. He got it right.

He got it right. Yeah, he got the code.

Let me talk to your wife.

Fuck yeah.

That was a different

William, so that worked out perfectly.

So now we have Adrian Williams.

We got to get some good... Remember back in the day

we used to get good UK pranks. We'd get people

flushing toilets and all this stuff.

I think we've had some good ones

around the Olympics, you know, with the

the compulsory purchase orders and all that shit.

Yeah.

I can't remember the fucking country it was in recently.

They had a real big drought,

and fucking wanted everyone to set the game

to flush their toilets to flush the sewers.

Oh, it was in Africa.

Yeah, Dark Stranger was talking about that.

Let's try that prank.

Hello?

Adrian?

Is that Adrian?

No, you cucked it,

because Zyklon said the word prank.

Oh.

Hey, Zyklon!

My bad.

I didn't know we were actually calling when I said it.

Thanks a lot, Zyklon.

all right all right here's david fox so let's let's plan this out come on let's do this right

this time what can we do with david fox all right let me do it let me do it let me i'll do it i'll

do a good one all right all right what's his name david fox and can you put his address into the

thing yes yes i can on the computer i can do that yeah okay into the sky we don't have that

technology i'll gort i'll put on gort for you real quick gort is not fucking real

you idiot you had me searching for gore like for the fucking 10 minutes i was like what the

fuck where is this website and this guy is like it doesn't even exist i got like three

i wasn't gonna i wasn't gonna fucking say anything that there was no gore until you

said last week that you'd already googled it because i googled it

i couldn't find it and then i started going i started going on yahoo and bing to try and find

it he's on google let me check yahoo and bing you check alta vista while you're at it yeah

i got about excited i got about three people on facebook hey what's gort i'm trying to find

you the prankster gets pranked yeah as fast as uh fucking milkman and carlito we're sitting there

yep gort me that that song real quick oh i got it i'm like oh this is bullshit

David Fox.

Hello.

Hello, is that Mrs. Fox?

Hello, yes.

Yes, this is Mr. Stewart calling from Southern Electric.

How are you?

Thank you, partner.

This is Mr. Stewart calling from Southern Electric.

I'm sorry to disturb you at this hour, but we have sort of an emergency.

Can we talk to you for a second?

You have an emergency?

It's not really an emergency, but we think that there's a power surge in your area,

and basically your house is one of the many that are affected on Cognizant Road.

Yes.

So have you got anything running there?

Have you got, can you check if there's anything taking up a lot of power in your house?

Such as?

Sorry? Yeah, well, a big washing machine, something that may be taking a lot of power into one socket.

There's a washing machine, but it's not switched on.

Could you have a look and see if there's anything on in the house which is very powerful,

that may be taking in a wattage of over 10,000 watts?

What?

Why would I be winding you up?

It's six in the morning.

It's six o'clock in the morning, and we're calling you to Southern Electric.

Why would we be winding you up?

We're not even supplied by Southern Electric.

Yes, I know that.

Congleton Road is supplied by Southern Electric,

so we need to make sure that something is not wrong.

So would you like me to go and switch the appliances off?

No, I'd like you to go and have a look and see if there's anything on.

I don't want you to switch anything off.

You don't have to do that.

I just need to know if there's anything on.

No, there wasn't anything.

Are you absolutely certain there's nothing on with a high wattage,

something you maybe put on overnight,

something that could have gone on by itself, television, anything?

Refrigerator.

There's a fridge and a freezer.

Alright, can you go and have a look?

Is it possible for you to have a look?

What am I actually looking at?

Well, you do need to make sure that it's not blowing up

or there's sparks coming out or any smoke coming out of the sockets.

You can't smell any smoke or anything now, can you?

I'll go and have a look. Goodbye.

Hello?

We need her to check with us on...

Wait, wait, wait.

Give her a few minutes, right?

And then she goes and has a look.

And then we go and fuck with her, call her back.

I made you get up out of bed, you stupid bitch.

I liked her moaning into the phone right there at the end.

That was kind of sexy.

Yeah, yeah, she was getting up.

yeah i'm just like there's actually a jim stewart prank on youtube where he does that too

which mr jen does that too what is it like some pakistani restaurant yeah yeah an indian restaurant

we told them basically that there was a power surge and um there's a power surge in the area

and we wanted them to just go and check and they would start switching all the lights on and off

it was bloody yeah he's like all right turn number one off okay yeah number two switches off and

And number three.

Didn't you end up having them, didn't they leave the lights off for, like, a whole day or something?

Yeah, yeah, a couple of hours, yeah.

And then it was like, we have to close the business.

And then Ted is, like, calling them back, we're going to reimburse you.

And then he's like, yeah, we want to give you some rupees.

Yeah, for, like, 10 pounds or something.

He's like, what do you mean 10 pounds?

10 pounds, only 10 pounds.

What do you mean?

That's nothing.

He's like, well, he's, like, trying to say his math was wrong or something.

I don't know.

Good times, good times.

Yeah, I thought it would be funny, like, if we could say, like, the electric is coming through the water

and have them test the toilet, tell them to put their hand in the toilet, and then tell us.

Let's see if we can take it to that.

If we can't, then I'm just going to wind her up.

Well, I'll do David Barber instead, while David Fox, well, Mrs. Fox is checking the outlets.

We'll see if we can, David, ask them to check and tell us if they feel any electricity in the water.

Like, if they get a shock in the water, in the toilet.

Can I do David Barber, please?

Are you going to do it?

Yeah, I'm going to do it.

Well, you know the plan.

Stick to the plan.

No funny voices.

Yeah, I'm just going to ask for the barber.

You're American.

No funny voices.

Hello, is this the barber?

The barber residence?

Yes, my name is Mr. T.

I need a shave.

Is it a good time for me to come down

and have you give me a shave as you're the barber?

Got your CF, mate.

Zyklon, were you there when we planned out the prank call?

And then you went completely against the plan?

Remember when we said, dude, I thought Jim was going to do it.

Stick to the plan.

You're like, is there a barber there?

He's like, oh, yeah, yeah, the plan, the plan.

Can I have a shave?

I thought Jim was going to be doing that one.

All right, David Goodyear, do you want the address and all that?

Will that help you out, Jim?

Yeah, yeah.

All right, let me Skypey.

Skypey the addressee.

there is a problem with this call we might have to redo the call here sometimes it's starting to

fuck up skype's getting all retarded you guys hear me okay still yeah yeah good all right we'll hold

we will hold off on that there we go there's a machine did i put the right one in there david

good ear yep or goodie a goodie a i don't know what it is man i hope we get someone to put their

hands in the toilet be so awesome all right here we go you know i gotta i gotta start watching

modern family hear good things about that show i'll check that out this weekend i'm trying to

watch less tv let me put that on gort yeah gort it gort it to gin my gort list hello hello mr

goodyear yes yeah hi this is mr stewart i'm calling from the uh the council office with the water

supply hello with the water supply hello hello mr goodyear yeah yeah hi this is mr stewart i'm with

the council i'm calling from the water supply um we've got a bit of a problem on millmead i'm very

sorry to disturb you at this hour can we uh take a couple of minutes of your time well first time

in the morning yes i'm really really sorry six o'clock in the morning but we have a bit of an

emergency there on milmead oh yeah yeah a little bit um a couple of the houses there on milmead

maybe your neighbors they're having some problems with over flooding in the toilets so we need uh

we need to get you to run the taps and uh flush the toilets is that possible for you to do that

yes hang on me will you yes no problem yeah don't worry wait wait wait for it do it he's

He's definitely checking. Sorry about the dead air, guys.

Hello?

Hello, yes, Mr. Goodyear.

They both work.

Hello, sorry, what?

You've flushed the toilet and the water's fine. It works.

Yeah, you've flushed the toilet, you've run the taps, and it's still working.

Yeah.

Okay, is there any substances coming out of the water?

Is the water any funny colour or any odour?

No, it isn't, no.

Are you absolutely certain?

Yeah, yeah.

Interestingly, your neighbours are having a very serious problem.

There's stuff coming up.

Well, what neighbours are they?

Excuse me?

Which neighbours are they?

They're across the road there.

26, 25, 29...

I don't think so.

Yes, sir.

Absolutely, sir.

I don't think so.

We've had the calls come in, sir.

What do you mean you don't think so?

When do you have the calls come in?

We've had the calls coming in for the last half an hour.

Taps overflowing.

Toilets overflowing.

Just hang on a minute, will you?

Just hang on a minute.

Yeah, absolutely.

Oh, God.

I hope I take...

I hope I can take this off.

Hello?

Yes, Mr Giddyup.

Yes, yes, yes.

You're not even up.

Sorry?

There's no light from in the house or anything.

Well, at least I made you go and look

and I got you up at six o'clock like an idiot

and you went and flushed your toilets

and ran your tats like a cock.

Which water is it?

What water are you?

I'm just a prank caller.

I just wanted you to get up at this hour

and flush your toilets and run your tats like an idiot.

You didn't bother me anymore.

What? What are you saying?

I said you didn't bother again.

Don't do it again, will you?

Shut up, you idiot.

I'm going to do it again and again.

What then?

I said I'm going to do it again and again, you idiot.

Why?

Shut up.

Pardon?

Shut up, you.

You shut up.

You idiot.

You shut up.

You idiot.

Shut up, you.

I'm going to...

No, you shut up.

That's right.

Call back.

Shut up, you idiot.

That's it.

That's the best.

Come back.

Shut up, fatty.

Hold on.

We should call him back.

Ask him if he's a barber.

No, I'm going to do electric.

Just take this out.

Oh.

I'll do it again, I'll do it again, I'll do it again.

I'm crazy.

Chances are he's ringing and ringing and ringing and ringing.

Aww.

Should we call Goody 8?

Was it Goody 8 that I'm supposed to call back?

Yeah, yeah, give it, give it, give it 10 minutes.

Fox, Fox, David Fox.

Has it been time?

Yeah, yeah, David Fox, yeah.

All right, fine, I'll do it now.

Oh, here, down in the background.

Are they still connected?

Yeah.

Fuck, yeah, put her on the phone.

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, you said wait?

Yeah, don't say anything.

Hello?

Hello, Mr Fox.

Yes?

Hello, this is Mr Stewart from Southern Electric. How are you?

Well, I'm not very good. You woke me up three times now.

Well, I'm very sorry to disturb you, I mean, this early in the morning,

but, you know, this is a bit of a problem for us.

If your neighbours are calling up and complaining about power surges,

and we do have to call your residents, I'm afraid, and we have to disturb you.

Did you check your appliances?

Yes, all of them.

You went actually through the house and checked all your appliances?

yes yes everything's been checked right and there's no problem no well then you are then

then you are a stupid cock well piss off

fuck you son of a bitch we got a priest i guess father david knew i'm not doing

i'll do this one let me i want to talk to the priest

He's like an ethical

We all want to do it

I like how you still got them connected

It's just absolutely genius

I'm going to start doing that

Yes hello is this father David new

No it isn't and do you know what time in the morning it is

I have no idea stupid man

What time is it

It's stupid man

I did say that you said that

Call him back Carlito

I want to talk

Stupid man

but let me talk i haven't i haven't i i want to make one to a priest but it's gonna be really

really horrible don't do it don't don't come on he isn't a priest though he says he's just a stupid

man now here we go yeah let me talk to him real quick okay okay do you take this yeah do you know

what time it is oh it's time to get in that ass don't hide from me

Put it in my ass

I like it

That's where that's from

That's from Eminem

I don't know where that's from

Yeah

But Ken can't do the voice shit with me

For the longest

I've been trying to figure out

What that is that he's doing

Oh, fuck yeah

Ken Kenneth

From Connecticut, you little bitch

Wow

Automated piece of shit

Yeah

Is that Dark Stranger?

Are you there?

No

Oh, fuck yeah

Dark Stranger

Fuck yeah

Yeah

Yeah, DarkStrange is trying to call in, but with RBCP and Trevor connected to her,

and I don't think I can conference a conference to a conference.

RBCP.

I have to do one at a time.

RBCP, RoboCop.

RoboCop.

RBCPPP.

This is my PP.

Also, if you haven't checked it out, check out rbcpraped.me,

which usually lists something at the bottom.

Okay.

Wow.

rbcpraped.me.

All right, let's go.

I got a great idea for the UK.

I got a website up and everything.

thing speaking of which a new episode of the snow plow show or the snow plow show whatever you want

to call it got released today to youtube i believe and your uh old buddy uh carlito's on there there's

a video i'm also on it no you're not yeah you are you are on it yeah no no jim no i made a geek i

made the uh windows virus call i know and i'm kidding you you were uh jim you're not me because

he he did just shows the people that have uh called about computer well you have done a computer

Oh, yeah, yeah.

We did the AOL, BT, which is okay.

Yeah, I don't think Brent knew about that.

Jen, I put one in there that I'm going to call now, all right?

You want me to do it?

I don't know, whatever.

I don't care.

I'll just put it in there.

Fuck off.

I got this one.

All right.

Big deal.

We can all do it.

Fuck it, Brent Westwood.

Oh, yeah.

I can't do that voice.

This is Kermit the Frog.

Shut up.

Hello?

Yes, hello.

Good morning, David.

Good morning.

Good morning, David.

Yes.

Yes, this is Mr. Westworld calling from Water UK.

Calling from where?

Water UK.

We seem to have a problem with the water in your area.

We've had some problems with the neighbors.

Why wake me up in the middle of the night?

Well, Water UK represents all major water and wastewater services supplied at national and European level.

We provide a positive framework for water industry.

I'm going back to sleep.

Bye-bye.

No, no, you have to enter the cup.

You're an American.

You're not going to do it.

There's still somebody on the line though

I think the Fox has picked up again

Or the Goodyears

Look at the Goodyears

Why do they always have a hell of a time

Hanging the phone up

Because the only people that have home phones

Are pensioners and they're old as shit

Like the guy that Carlito made cry

The other night

I have to have a wash

I have to get naked

I have to

I felt so bad

I haven't called that guy since

he was real upset

he's like

what are you

making us do

let's call him back

it's David

David Webb

same guy

David Webb

no I'm different

ok

but he's David

I'm gonna clue

these other people out

they don't need

to be hearing this

this is David

I'm sorry

I can't speak

to you at the moment

please leave a message

after the tone

and I'll return

your call

as soon as possible

we'll keep him on

alright we'll call

John Taylor

or something

John Trevor Bradshaw

we'll call him

here we go

guy with three names

country singer name

John Trevor Bradshaw

That actually sounds very much like

A former WWE wrestler

WWF

I'm going to use my funny sounding American voice

Jen

What's his fucking name again?

Hello, you're not available now

This is your name and phone number

His name is not available

Mr. John G. Brooks

On Stoke-on-Trent

Stoke-on-Trent

Wasn't that place bombed during the Nazis?

uh battle the blitz billets the everything got bombed in the blitz yeah that's uh i want i don't

know the name of the twitter feed but there's a i've been following it for the last year

some guy um he started with the very beginning of of uh world war ii uh with the invasion of poland

and he tweets out like news reports as they happened in real time but just like i guess 60

years later um so like you'll get a twitter like it'll freak me out because i'll be i mean i'll

get a tweet that says like you know bombing invasion yeah bombing like invasion yeah this

is like you know luff waffa planes shut down over you know britain and like what the fuck you know

not looking like oh it's that guy but it's kind of cool to to have been i've been following it

this whole time uh since a little bit after um the invasion of poland and it's at the point

now where it's it's the uh the berlin hold the the berlin the um battle of berlin the battle

the the the blitz the yeah the battle of britain's going on right now the bombings and all that stuff

are happening it's kind of cool it's cool stuff yeah well a lot of people think that often

consider the blitz as stage two or a separate air battle and that the battle of britain was the

battle to destroy the raf okay there you go yeah you know i i still think that what it came down

down to the whole thing uh hitler was in uh he probably would have been able to get got he would

have gotten a lot farther had he not done the two-pronged war gone after the soviet union and

britain at the same time i guess absolutely you know and the thing is that britain was able to

hold down like there were there were there were losses on both sides but british but even that

it's pretty well known hitler never wanted to invade britain at least for the longest he knew

He knew that it wasn't a good idea, it wasn't going to work out, it was going to stretch things way too thin.

And then he ended up concentrating on the Soviet Union instead.

Well, the problem was that with the blockade of Germany, Germany would starve.

Same thing that happened in World War I.

They had to conquer specifically the Ukraine to feed their population.

Yeah, and they also needed the fuel, the petroleum, petrol from the – what is it?

From the Caucasus.

Yeah, the Caucasus.

Specifically from the Caspian Sea.

Yeah.

But they did that once they went to war with the Soviet Union.

Yeah.

They probably had enough from Romania had they not gone to war with the Soviet Union.

Yeah.

But in all likelihood, war between Hitler and Stalin was inevitable.

Yeah.

I asked Andy about it.

He's a pretty big historian.

and i asked him why did they even do that and andy was like well the soviet union was building up

really fast like military wise tanks and shit were just rolling off pretty quick and and hitler did

it at the time where it was kind of like look either we do it now before they get to a point

where we won't be able to beat them back and even still like uh you know the soviets were able to

to hold off and and when that military machine started pumping out they just

you know well the thing though is is that uh everybody thinks oh the soviets were so good

because they had the t-34 they lost in the first year about 80 of their t-34s those tanks well

they just kept throwing them they kept they kept coming off they they had it was in untrained crews

uh i mean literally they were just sending them straight off the production line into combat

did you guys watch this same tv program on the computer machine with the history channel or what

No.

No?

No.

I've read a lot of tank warfare.

I've read it from a book called Hitler's Panzers.

Yeah.

Hitler's Panzers.

I mean, when Hitler invaded the Soviet Union, that one thing they couldn't defeat was General Winter and the KV tanks.

The Soviets had these KV tanks.

They were old.

It was really the first heavy tank.

Oh, who are we calling?

John Brooks.

I'm going to do this one.

John Brooks.

John Brooks?

Speaking.

Hey, good sir.

Sir, I'm calling from the, what is it called, British United Water Machine.

Water UK.

Water UK, yes.

We just got bought out, and we're having an issue here on Stoke-on-Tent.

What's that for?

Well, the water machine is having trouble.

There's a water leakage going on, and apparently it's been traced down to your residence there.

Do you have a huge supply of water that's being used right now?

No.

Have you used the toilets at all?

Yes.

Do you have more than one toilet?

Two toilets.

Uh, why?

We only have you down with a license for one toilet.

You don't have permission to have more than one toilet here.

Well, I do.

How long have you been using two toilets for, sir?

Who's this speaking now?

Well, my name is, I'm Trevor.

Trevor Bradshaw.

I'm calling from UK Water.

What's the name of the place?

Water UK.

Water UK, yes.

Water UK.

Trevor Bradshaw from Water UK.

That's my supervisor on the line.

Right.

Yeah, and there's a misuse of the water here.

We've traced it down to your home because you have two toilets.

toilets you're only supposed to be using one okay so we need you we don't have water for uk water

well how long have you been using two toilets for in the house about an hour you've been no how long

have you had two toilets there without permission how long have you had the second toilet there in

the home when did you i don't know when did you install it i don't know did you get permission

yeah from who from who yeah where are the papers i think i think what you better do is bring me

me back a bit later on.

No, no, no. We're going to shut your complete water system off.

You're not going to be able to use any water.

Hey, listen, go get your toilet papers real quick.

Okay.

Go, go, go.

Mr. Brooks, Mr. Brooks, are you there?

Yes.

Yes, hello, this is the supervisor.

I'm calling on behalf of Water UK.

Water UK represents a major UK water and wastewater services and suppliers

at national and European level.

What we actually have recently bought out, Severn Trent, the water utility there.

Severn Trent?

Yes.

We don't come on the 7th round.

We are not?

What water is it?

Oh, you just told me.

You called you coming to 7th round?

Well, I'm not on 7th round.

Well, which one is it?

We're Water UK.

We provide a positive framework.

Listen.

We provide a positive framework for water industry to encourage with government regulators,

stakeholders, and the public.

I'm assistant to the chief executive.

Right, yeah.

Okay, do you understand?

Yeah.

Or are you just a wanker?

Well, pardon, why did you just call me?

I said, are you just a wanker that has an illegal toilet machine?

Oh.

Did you say you've been on the toilet?

Did you say that you've been on the toilet for an hour?

Huh?

Are you there?

Oh, he's there.

I see.

He's still there, but...

He's full of shit.

That ape killed it.

Do Ken Caniff.

Hey, if you guys are going to pull that, you should get Larry the Redneck to go turn one off.

Larry the Plumber.

Let me talk to this guy.

Let me...

Who is this?

John Cork.

Hello?

Hello, Mr. Cork.

Yes?

I've got a six-pack.

I'm really...

I'm quite well-toned.

I'm, you know...

I do the 8 minute abs exercise

every morning

fuck you you cunt

is he still going to blame

is he still going to be

B2 bomber

actually more like a

Heinkel HE111

god whatever

this is a pretty funny joke

I think everybody and Jen would like this

so British guy

he lands and

keep going it's good

Keep going.

Tell the joke to this guy.

Does it involve the N-word?

No.

Probably.

It's actually a plain joke.

Is it better than my ass?

Maybe.

I got a shave.

I'm going to call the barber.

Floods in the UK right now according to the Nunu in the north of England.

Okay.

So a British guy, he's a farmer from British.

He lands at the Frankfurt Airport.

He asks the air traffic controller for directions to his gate.

And the air traffic controller goes off snipping and goes,

You should have been here before

You should know what you're doing

And he goes

Well, I've been here before

But it was dark and I didn't land

I'm sorry, I wasn't listening

I wasn't listening

He goes

I was here before, but it was in 1944

It was dark and I didn't land

I'm still not listening

Yeah, go on

Is it a little Black Sambo joke?

Is it one of those racist jokes of yours?

No, I get it, I get it, I get it.

Because it was dark, right?

Yeah.

I was going fucking nuts in the chat room earlier

with all his fucking racist jokes, you crazy bastard.

Yeah, you guys are racist.

There's a lot of racist jokes that are being thrown around.

I keep having to edit all this shit, and I keep missing them.

Zyklon, you said the other day you had a show

where you keep using the N-word, and I try to block them all.

You only get like half of them out.

I know.

That was the funny part.

Yeah, because I got the first few, and then I was like, oh, fuck it.

Who cares?

Just let him go.

He'll be here forever trying to edit this episode of racism.

Yeah, I know.

All right, we're done anyway.

At least he did edit out all the Faisans and whatever that Turkish Force guy's actual name is.

Faison, Faison, yeah.

Oh, shit.

But how long has Milkman gone?

I lost Milkman.

He got cut off.

Yeah, he's been gone for like an hour.

Oh, shit.

He's sleeping.

Nobody fucking cares.

I got to call him back.

All right, well, I'm going to let you guys go so I can call him back.

Alright guys

If you can't read them

I can do the outro

Alright cool I'll keep you on then

Bye Zyklon see you later funny guy

Come on for you and Fantasy Football Dirty Aaron

You little bitch

Fuck no you're not dude 3-0

It's gonna be 4-0

Am I playing you Ken?

No but the last bastard I played was 2-0

And I ended that streak so I'm coming after you

No way

Who do I have this week?

I have no idea

Let me find out

No, I don't know.

Jin, are you there?

Yeah, I'm here.

So you're going to do your show on Sunday?

I'm going to do my show on Sunday, yeah.

What time?

5 o'clock GMT, so I don't know what that's going to be your time.

5 o'clock GMT, that's like 7 a.m. here.

That's noon east.

Really?

That's noon.

I'm going to record it.

Don't worry, I'm going to record it.

Well, I want to call in, so how does that work?

Oh, you want to call in.

You're going to have to ring my number then.

Ring your number from my cell phone or from Skype?

If you've got Skype credit, you can ring my number from Skype if you've got Skype credit.

But don't worry about it.

We talk about it on Sunday.

You can call them.

Okay, I'll just message you on Skype.

Oh, you'll announce?

Okay.

Did you bring a call?

We got a bromance going on here?

We'll talk about it on Sunday?

We're going to be docking, all right?

So shut up, Ken.

Ew.

Bye, Aaron.

You're gone for that.

Out of here.

Docking?

What the fuck's that about?

Okay, fuck it.

Bye, Ken.

See you later.

Take it easy, Carlito.

Yeah, bye.

Milkman, how long have you been gone?

I had no idea.

I'm sorry, man.

Don't be mad.

Oh, well, I messaged you a long time ago, man.

I don't know if I messaged you many times.

I just kind of got busy.

Oh, I'm an asshole.

I'm sorry.

Sorry, man.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, well, Jin's here.

He's your friend, right?

You like Jin still, right?

Yeah, no problem.

I love Jin, man.

Jin's my brother, man.

Yay.

All right, cool.

Milkman the man.

All right, so we've got confirmation.

Information, Jin's on Sunday at noon Eastern, 9 a.m. Pacific, 5 p.m. GMT.

Zolar should be on tomorrow?

No, Saturday.

KDK should be on Saturday.

I don't know.

KDK flaked out last week.

He came on.

I don't know if you heard that, Jin.

No, I haven't listened to KDK in ages.

I really want to listen to him again, but I don't know if I'm going to get the chance.

Yeah, I don't know.

KDK was doing all right.

He had a good story about his

He caught his sister in a lesbian thing once

What?

He said the KDK was a good story

It was like he was doing a

He said KDK was 10 years old

And he was at some abandoned house

And he looked in the window

And he saw his sister and his sister's friend

And they were both naked

Wow that's hot

And then he played a song and he came back

And he said I want to do a show

And he hung up

out of nowhere

I don't know what happened

something happened, KDK had a flashback

or something, I don't know

get to knock one off

well, that's it, Milkman, take us out of here

Jin, you can stay if you want

Milkman, take us out of here, hurry up

hey, I thought Jin

was going to close us out

you want Jin to do it? that's your job

what's going on with that?

really?

no, I thought Jin was going to close us out

5310, man, and then I'll close it out, man.

No, you do it.

You do it.

I don't know what to say.

I'll always be like,

Hey, Carlitos, he's a Melmano and all this shit.

I can't do it.

Only Milkman can do that.

Come on, Milkman.

Only Milkman can do that.

All right, dude.

You ain't no whatever.

Hey, all right.

I'd like to thank everybody for joining us.

It's been a great show.

I'd like to thank the numbers hit man.

That's right.

The Lonesome Loser.

All hands held high, my brother.

Thank you so much for all the good coming.

I'd like to thank all our friends right here in the Madhouse Malicious chat.

Thank you so much, everybody, for showing up.

I'd like to thank our special guest, June.

So, man, June Stewart.com, the man of the legend, for coming back.

I'd like to thank some of our special guests on the lines, man.

I mean, they're all out of work, but thanks, obviously.

And thanks, Cass and I, and Ava, and I got it.

Thanks to everybody over at Cassette Network.

Everybody that's in that city network, thank you so much.

I'd like to thank you.

That's right.

Our little book is the only radio and comic show you can hear right here on the internet.

We in here, that's right.

We just have to calmly drop the dime.

We're here because we love you.

We do it on our business.

That's right.

We're here to cover it.

We can do it all.

We're here to help.

We're here to do the best job.

Thank you, big brother.

Over to you, man.

Thanks.

Thanks, dammit.

Thank you, dammit.

All right.

Well, what he said.

Thanks to everybody who sent the numbers and all that, especially Lonesome Loser.

Thank you, Jen Stewart, for your talent, helping out with the show.

Carrie, the show.

Thanks for having me on.

Bye, I'm out of here.

See you next week, everybody.

Hey, everybody, call me back after the show or something, okay?

Nope.

All right, please do that.

Okay, okay, okay.

All right.

MadhouseLife.com is the website.

Smokeman was smart, he'd give that out.

Bye.

We're not playing games here.

I fucked you, son of a bitch, you.

You're calling us white hats?

You little motherfucker, I'm going to be down at that store.

I don't know who you think you're talking to.

You dopehead motherfucker.

And they call them Muppets, which is a British term that means ignorant person.

No, YOU Shut Up! – 9/27/12 Show

Calls (39, 1 h 37 min of 3 h 32 min)

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