He’s Not My Uncle – 10/18/12 Show

I have no uncle that's a pedophile, and you're still calling me at 6 o'clock in the morning.

So can you stop me?

No, the computer doesn't want to accept that answer.

So obviously, can you make sure with your husband he was never molested?

Of course.

You can't command me to give you anything.

I can.

I just did, didn't I, you stupid whores?

You little girl.

Tell me.

Go back to Boston.

Bye-bye.

Go back to law school.

Get an education.

No.

I can't believe how serious you are.

I'm not playing no fucking games, dude.

I, I fuck you, son of a bitch.

Stop making us get the carding.

You're out of your crazy mind.

You ain't getting no goddamn dollars.

I'll fuck you all night long.

You're not perfect.

Why don't you piss off?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

Thunder right outside my door.

Right outside my window.

Thunder?

Did you guys hear that?

That shit, holy crap.

That was like lightning and thunder right next to my window.

I got the window open because I was smoking a cigar.

are that scared the shit out of me i peed my pants just a little bit just a little wow i hope you

guys are good i'm finally here i'm carlito the host of the show with me here as always is milk

man who i just yelled at i'm sorry milkman i feel bad

all right trying to get things working with the video here i got a new

video i think everyone let me it says it's connected it says i'm broadcasting this is a

new video broadcasting in the on the website can you check milkman or jen or anybody who's watching

chat room let me know you got video you might have to refresh the page actually that might be

it's broadcasting enigma says okay good that's a good sign very good so here we are we made it

i hope you're all enjoying your night this is madhouse radio where we do prank calls talk and

like anger people piss people off here milkman's here and so is uh jim stewart hello jim stewart

hello jim stewart hello jim stewart damn it jim stewart afraid of thunder and lightning is hiding

under his bed but he kept his skype connected in case the storm passes jim stewart's house

burned down when he was eight years old after a lightning strike and he's always been afraid

of thunderstorms he never got over it no jim we cannot hear you did i meet you jim say something

over now no no no i hear your message is coming in are you muted jen says he's muted no you're

not muted jen you are not muted i don't have any way of meeting people individually so it's not

that okay wait then jen says all right yeah look all right here's what's going on folks all right

look all right we got a new website layout as you can see uh it looks very good milkman you're happy

with the website what do you think it turned out pretty good huh great milkman are you there now

oh milkman anything for milkman nothing oh boy what a fuck i hear messages coming from skype i

don't hear anybody talking though did i did i have an internet blip there i shut down skype

i started it on the other machine anything jen try to say something now type something jen type

jen type like that jen dropped out great all right well let me call milkman back maybe that's what it

it is anyway so yeah there's there's a whole new technical setup not just with the website but with

the way i'm doing the show with the video feed and the way skype runs and all this stuff uh and

i didn't get a chance to test it out as much as i would have liked to so it's not necessarily

working working all that great right now and that's the reason why we started just about an

hour late also milkman are you there anybody anything i hear you now i hear you now okay i

I had to boost the audio.

I think, Jen, if you're listening, it was my fault, not yours.

Sorry, Jen.

Jen, you there?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was my bad.

I'm sorry, man.

I'm sorry.

I got a lot of technical issues here, man.

You did it.

I did it, yes.

Oh, fuck it.

I thought it was me.

I'm like, oh, I'm panicked, panicked.

What went wrong?

And I'm like trying to fix it all, and then it was you.

That was me.

Sorry.

Anyway, so the new website over at madhouseslive.com, that's the homepage.

Hope you guys like it.

milkman what do you think you like it you like the new web page is it looking good it looks nice

man it's really clean man you guys did an excellent job man i gotta give you a big thumbs up and

i also like to send out a thanks to nigla man he's done a really fine job you guys really uh

spruced it up shined up with very modern yeah there's a few very minor things left to do we

need to put some a new banner uh because jim was in there just making nasty dirty comments about

Oh, the banner and John Wayne.

Oh, yeah, man, don't listen to me.

I like it.

It looks great.

Stupid, man.

That's very rude.

I like your banner.

Your banner is great.

What happened to you, man?

You sound so pissed off today.

What's up?

I was a long day at work, and my wife gave me all my case, you know,

and the technical issues, and I just want to do prank calls.

You should just go to, like, let it all go, you know.

You'd be like KDK.

You'd be like, right, fuck it.

Let's all talk about gay shit and all this.

Yeah.

Well, that still works.

The soundboard's working.

Good.

Yeah, let's all – everyone go to jinstuart.com and compare his banner to mine

because Jinstuart has a great banner on his website.

My banner?

Yeah, the banner on your website.

It's awesome.

It's so awesome.

I did not – there is no banner on my site.

Exactly.

Oh, okay.

All right.

You're trying to be fucking nasty.

Are you thick?

My site looks fucking great, man.

Don't be stupid.

It's fucking brilliant.

Look at it.

It has space for one tweet.

That's it.

Yeah, it only needs one tweet.

That's all you get.

One tweet.

One tweet on Jetson.

That's it.

Just one tweet.

You get the latest news, that's it.

That's it.

Just one tweet.

Jed, I'm giving it back to you, jerk.

What do you mean, shoe?

You had some one of the first comments in the new forums were like, yeah, my shoe was bigger than this thing.

Like, your shoe is bigger.

No, have you not seen Expendables 2?

No.

Well, Arnold Schwarzenegger, there's a scene where he gets in the car,

and it's one of those really small, smart cars,

and he's like, my shoe is bigger than this car.

So now every time I just say that,

like whenever something is not up to scratch,

I just say, my shoe is bigger than this car.

Okay, good. That's very good. Thanks.

Yeah, you didn't get it, man. I don't know. It's funny.

There's people out there laughing.

There's people rolling, rolling. They're ROFL-ing in there.

so yeah like Milkman said

Milkman you said already but

you stole my thunder

I'm kidding Enigma big thanks to Enigma

he put in a lot of work

within the last week or two

bringing over the forum so we didn't lose

anybody in there

and any post

he's in the process of finishing

bringing over all the

prank archives and show archives

a lot of them are there already

the prank cast is working as of today

me and him worked on that diligently for over 24 hours finally got that working that's finally

starting to update um and for those of you who are saying where's the prank cast where's the

new prank cast with the new podcast episode um they're ready i want to i want to release them

but i was wanting to make sure that the feed was working right that it made it over right and

about four hours ago we i finally was able to get the podcast working redirecting and itunes and

everything correctly finally so um that new podcast episode is already uploaded i just have

to hit the submit button so i hope to do that at the end of the show tonight uh maybe if uh if we're

doing a long prank call if i get a chance during the show here i'll log into the site and hit hit

the submit button uh make it public and it'll be done it'll be posted that'll be ready to go so

prank cast is finally getting uploaded and updated here enjoy that no i can't wait to listen to that

I love the sound of my own voice.

Yeah.

There's a lot of you.

That's the one where we called the iTunes stuff, the Apple Store and all that.

That's that episode.

It was hard to edit because I had to go and edit Apple, Genius, iMac, iPhone, all of those.

But I made it sound that you can still follow, but it doesn't necessarily say the company.

And here I am ruining it.

Now I'm going to have to edit all this out.

Jen, did you know someone's out there creating an audio podcast of No Donkey Show?

Does that make you mad?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They emailed me.

What are they called again?

Gillycast Radio or Gillycast Radio, something like that.

Yeah, yeah, nice guy.

Thank you very much.

They emailed me, and I said, what do I have to do?

I thought I had to do something.

And he's like, no, no, no, I'll just do the podcast.

I'll be like, fine, okay, all right.

Yeah, Gillycast, those guys are pretty cool.

They've provided us with a lot of info.

info. Is it Jilly or Gilly? I don't know.

I don't know. I said Jilly.

I emailed him. I said I'd give him a shout-out

on my show, and then he was like,

he hasn't replied yet, so I said, do I say Jilly or

Gilly? Okay. Are you going to be on

tomorrow afternoon for us?

What time is your show going to be now?

Yeah, it's exactly like 12, no, it's in

13 hours from now, so

11 a.m. your time, I don't know. But it doesn't

really matter anymore, because whatever time it is, I'm

just going to edit the show anyway and then stick it

on YouTube. I think it's better that way, because it gets

so many more hits on YouTube now.

Jen, you know what I'm going to do?

You made my day tomorrow.

Tomorrow's Friday.

I'm going to take a lunch at 1130.

I'm going to go to the bar, and I'm going to bring my Galaxy S3,

and I'm going to have my headphones.

I'm going to listen to you and drink beer at my lunch break tomorrow.

And I'll come back, and I might even leave work early tomorrow.

Thanks, man.

Okay, I'm excited, man.

I'll give you a shout.

Thank you.

Give me a shout.

Shout out, so to speak.

Wow, that's awesome, man.

And tomorrow, Jim Stewart, man.

Check it out.

You guys should check it out.

Jim Stewart, what email should I use to get with you, man?

PM it to me, man.

I need to get with you on some madhouse business on the side.

Business.

Okay, all right.

I'm going to do that.

Hey, listen, before you forget, also big thanks, Milkman.

We need to give a thanks to Death Fox.

He's got our new chat room up there where everyone's using it tonight.

It's working.

Thank you.

I was just going to mention that whenever you came back to me here.

Thank you so much.

You've got a great point there, Amanito.

He is indispensable with this chat.

Couldn't have done it without him.

Thanks so much.

Excellent job to DeathFox, man.

Major gold stars, dude.

Yep, good work, DeathFox.

You're the man.

We've got our own chat room now.

It's got some special stuff running in there.

It's going to start up like it'll start giving little messages,

and we have the ability to make it show what's on the shellcast,

stuff like that, nice little commands,

and some customized commands everyone can use.

It's going to be good.

Sorry I started late.

We're going to get to the prank calls in a moment.

one last person well uh two two two more thank yous here i've been doing putting in a lot of

work with the manhouse thing uh but two really uh quick thanks here first of all uh thanks to

tabachi and uh a group of people who've been helping him out edit the uh old prank cast

episodes the archives from 2005 2006 and and on uh tabachi and them are going through the episodes

those the shows that have already been edited but marking the time of prank calls and tabachi's been

going episode per episode editing editing them out with his mp3 player mp3 player in the trash

he got it from the trash gen he took it out of the garbage yeah yeah it must have taken a very

long time to do that years yeah he's doing no he's doing a great job i think it's over 400 over

over 400 maybe up to 500 prank calls new prank calls that are going into the archive this weekend

and they are already on the shellcast rotation so that helps out if you're a regular shellcast

listener there's going to be a lot more stuff there it's not going to repeat the same uh you

know uh there was already several hundred pranks on there now it's just about a thousand pranks

uh big zolar from zolar vision sent me uh uh permission to put some of his pranks on there

so those are there now also that's all good and uh the last thank you is to a group of people

who helped out testing out

the new website. There's still

a few bugs to work out. I know

Baz has told me that there's a problem with the

Mivit chat. It was blocking him. So we're

going to have to put that on the big board, Milkman,

and see why that was happening. We'll get with DeathFox

after the show or tomorrow.

See what was happening.

What happened to Baz? What happened to him now?

He was getting an IP. Too many

IP connections or something.

It might have been on his end. It might be a Mivit

thing or it might be a chat

server thing. So we'll work it out. No worries.

Chris, he's in the...

Oh, okay, yeah.

Make sure you're not connected with any proxies either.

Yeah, well, yeah.

And just one login.

Yeah, well, he was using...

We got a super secure server, man.

I mean, they're saying you cannot match it up.

If you start fooling around or you come in with proxies or anything,

it's going to automatically stop you, so you got to come in legit.

Just check and make sure that you're not connecting more than once.

And the one megabyte encryption.

The one megabyte.

Well, I guess as Fox found out,

The reason was too many people were connecting at once on Mibbit,

so that kind of makes sense using the website.

Yeah, so we got a lot of people connecting at once, and that's good.

That means we're getting use out of this.

That's good.

Yeah.

Very good.

All right, so, hey, let's get some pranks.

We got plenty of requested pranks here to get to.

I see Nunu flashing over on the big board.

He's got the BBC switchboard.

Do you know about this pedophile thing, Jen,

that's going on with the BBC or something like that?

Are you having a joke now because of the girl I was with?

Or are you just like, are you serious?

No, no, God.

I wasn't even going to mention that.

You brought it up.

I'm not going to mention it.

I don't want anybody to freak out about it.

Well, it's perfectly fine.

I'm not breaking the door.

You fucking know.

You're just like, oh.

You got a rock in the cradle?

All right, listen.

Jim was in the chat room two weekends ago.

Never get caught.

Jim was in a chat room one or two weekends ago, and he was saying how excited he was that some 16-year-old was going to come over to play games with him.

You know, they're going to do archery together, and then they were going to have sexual relations and all this stuff, and she's 16.

Oh, really?

But it's legal in the U.K. to do this thing.

She just turned 16, but it's perfectly legal.

She just turned 16.

It's perfectly legal, and I'm 25, and she's 16, and I think a lot of people would frown at that, but I didn't give a shit.

She just turned 16, so not too long ago she was 15.

Yeah, exactly.

Oh, my God.

She's really fit, though, trust me.

You'd see her, and you'd be like, holy shit.

I saw her.

You posted her picture in the chat room.

I did, yeah.

I'm going to get the picture pasted again, pasted again.

I need invertation.

Don't paste it again, because Milkman will make a mess with that picture.

He'll print it out.

He's going to go to Walgreens with a USB phone.

I have something to fantasize about.

Wow.

Yeah, he's going to go to Walgreens with a USB thumb drive.

We all need a big version.

Blow this up for me.

Well, you got to take money there, Jim.

Boy, I'd like that girl, man.

Won't you introduce me to her mama?

All right, but seriously, do you know what's going on with it?

I guess it's a pedophile ring with the BBC or something.

No, I know there was some news about Jimmy Savile over here who...

Who?

Yeah, he's a famous sort of guy, charity guy,

and like a sort of personality, TV personality.

And it turns out he's some sort of pedophile.

And he was abusing children,

you know, very, very young children who were disabled.

So he was working in the hospital as a charity person.

And then he would go in and he would abuse children.

So yeah, that was pretty extreme.

That was quite sad too,

because actually my mom is a doctor

and she used to work at a hospital

or where he, so she would have met him several times.

I thought that was quite sickening.

Wow. Wicked, man.

So apparently there was what they're calling the biggest pedophile ring ever in the world

had something to do with the BBC.

I've tried to make sense of it, but I really don't understand.

If Jen, or rather not Jen, or Jen, if you want to look it up and tell us what exactly this is about.

I'm right on it. I don't even know about it.

When did this come out?

I think last week.

We didn't get a chance to address it during last week's show,

but it's some kind of BBC pedophile scandal.

Wow.

The New York Times is connected to it somehow.

Something crazy is going on.

It kind of related to, you know, how Jerry Sandusky here,

Milkman, with the Philadelphia Eagles, with Philadelphia Eagles,

with Penn State and all that stuff.

The Philadelphia Eagles will suck is what that is about.

God, they suck.

I can't do it in a fucking game.

All right, look, let's stop talking.

Let's just call the BBC switchboard.

Hey, Juanito, we've got a bunch of really cool numbers.

Deathbox should send them in now if he hasn't sent them in to you, dude.

You've got a new premise in there.

I think you're going to be pretty damn funny, man.

I think we ought to take the Jewish or Hebrew persuasion on.

He's got some very good calls.

Come on, the BBC switchboard.

Yes, hello, BBC switchboard.

My name is Cross, and I'm calling from the United States of America.

I was looking to speak to the pedophile department.

Which department, sorry?

The pedophilia department.

Hello?

Pedophilia?

Yeah.

You know how there was this big thing with the children and the BBC, the big ring?

You know what I'm talking about?

I don't know.

Well, you know how London police are investigating the allegations that Jimmy Seville was a pedophile?

He had like an appetite for underage girls?

They're not pedophiles.

Huh?

Pedophiles, they're not pedophiles.

Pedophile.

That's how we call it in the United States.

I'm calling from New York.

He was raping and molesting girls and all that,

and he was going on the BBC and talking about it to everybody, you know?

Yeah, I know what you're talking about now, yeah.

And you know how Benny Hill was involved with it, too?

Benny Hill was a pedophile, as you say.

And they were saying how Benny Hill had some of those girls on the Benny Hill show

that he would chase around at the end of the episode that were really, like, 12 and 11 years old.

Right, I see.

Hmm?

And why have you run?

Well, I wanted to call and discuss that with that department that handles these things.

I wanted to get a statement.

Right, so in that case, you need to call back to your office.

I was the number first.

Well, how do you plead, guilty or not guilty?

I'm not up for charges for it, so why would I need to plead?

Well, you work for the BBC, so I'm bringing you up on charges on behalf of the United States Attorney General.

So you're accusing me of pedophilia?

I'm accusing you of working for pedophiles, yes.

I never worked for Jimmy Savile, so...

Well, you work for the BBC.

No, Jimmy Savile works for the BBC.

Okay.

Savile has been accused for it,

so therefore before you start shutting around accusations

before I do a defamation of character,

you might want to watch what you're doing there.

Oh, so you're going to sue me also because I'm a lawyer?

Good luck with that.

All right, well, I'm...

So you've just accused me of pedophilia,

which means a defamation of my character.

No.

I will sue you for it, yeah.

Correction, sir.

I'm not accusing you of pedophilia.

I'm accusing you...

You've just done a recorded call saying,

how do I please?

You've just accused me of pedophilia.

Listen, you horse.

I'm accusing you of being an accomplice to pedophilia.

Again, it's still a wrongful accusation without evidence,

and therefore I can give you the defamation of character.

So again, you're a pretty rubbish lawyer.

No, I'm not connecting the phone calls to the pedophiles.

You do realize that Jimmy Savile was well dead before I started working here,

so how can I be connecting calls to pedophiles?

Because they're calling in to leave messages for him.

No evidence.

Yes.

Whatsoever, and you're just going around shouting accusations without any shred of evidence whatsoever,

defamation of character, rubbish lawyer, go back to law school.

How do you plead?

Guilty or not guilty, I command you to give me a plea.

You can't command me to give you anything.

I can't.

I just did, didn't I, you stupid whores?

You little girl.

Tell me.

Go back to Boston.

Bye-bye.

Go back to law school.

Get an education.

No.

I can't believe how serious he took that.

Yeah, there's a chick, there's a broad there who's really mean.

So who is this guy, Seville?

Was he on the Benny Hill?

Dude, I miss Benny Hill.

Man, I've got to find some Benny Hill torrents.

Remember Benny Hill, Milkman?

Yeah, I love Benny Hill, man.

He's the best.

I love his salute, too.

Yeah, the salute.

And remember, like, the episode, the girls would chase him,

and he chased the girls, and they show his...

hackity sacks what's the name wild sacks that's it hacky sacks

hacky sacks yeah yeah jen do you ever watch did you ever watch benny hill were you a fan of that

growing up benny hill no uh because obviously i didn't have a television so i just you have

no television license no yeah exactly yeah you need a license over here no i just didn't have

a tv growing up no your parents didn't have a tv no we never had a tv in the house we had

Obviously, I had a screen, I had a VHS player, and then later a DVD player,

and obviously a PS PlayStation when I was growing up,

but I never, ever, ever, ever had a television.

Were you poor?

Was you limited only to a bow and arrow and a piano?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, live a bow and arrow.

You're a cunt.

You lot are cunts, every one of you.

God, I love you.

I love you.

You're the one that came up with this, all right?

I blame you, because this archery show is back to you.

What?

What? I would never do that.

I love you, man. You're my brother.

Not you, Milkman. I'm saying Carlito.

He came up with the...

Oh, okay. All right, all right.

He had chicken eyes, and there's fucking pictures all over the place.

Jin came home from school once with very bad grades,

and his dad said,

Ah, you want to not study? You want to have bad grades?

And he pulled out the bow and arrow, and he shot the TV with the bow and arrow,

and it exploded in the sparks.

And then he said, Here, and he gave him the bow and arrow.

I learned that when you're a man and when you can do this and get a gold medal,

then I'll get you a TV.

And Jens Stewart still doesn't have his gold medal.

You saw how bad he did in the Olympics.

He fucking failed.

He lost to the Korean team.

You suck, Jens Stewart, man.

You're a cunt.

You're the worst archer ever.

You don't want to admit that you're an archer because you did so bad.

You're not even on the website anymore.

Because I don't fucking do archery.

Why the fuck would I say I'm an archer if I don't do archery?

You tried.

There's fucking people going, there's like, there's people on Facebook going,

oh, how's your archery practice? Is that why you didn't do a show?

I'm like, fuck off, I didn't do a show because I don't fucking do archery, you cunt.

Well, right when I saw your math off a militia card, dude, I was impressed, man.

I mean, I did not realize your skill level.

I don't, I've never picked up a fucking archery thing in my life.

I don't even know how to shoot an arrow, fucking faggot.

i love this guy in the chat room he's like who needs the tv when you have 16 year olds

man 16 year olds closer to 15 than 17 too god man that's just she is fucking hot and you know

and you would have done it as well did she know what she was doing or she just lay there and let

let you take over well she didn't really she she was a bit you know a bit frigid at first but she

was horny as shit she fucking loved it after a while yeah that's cool she keeps she keeps doing

it again she was like yeah yeah let's do it let's do it wow did you ever bend over and did you

that's a real dragon did you look no she didn't want it she wasn't up for like trying all funky

stuff on the first time but yeah now now we're into a bit of a little bit different stuff yeah

Yeah, that's good.

Yeah, yeah.

That's cool.

You've got to have her suck you off after you put it in.

That's a submission right there.

You have trouble getting that done?

No, no, no.

I do it all.

Did you blast in her eye or her face?

It's like PTM or, you know, FT.

Where did you finish it, Jen?

Where did you finish it?

I blasted into the rubber.

Ah, what a waste.

Oh, you've got to pull that sucker off.

You've got to make a big, big, big spray out of it.

Nobody's into that.

Nobody wants to deal with that rubber anymore.

No, no.

Use the rubber when you're done.

You take it out, whip the rubber out.

First, Milkman, he'll tell you.

First thing you've got to do, Jen, you've got to eat a lot of pineapples.

Drink pineapple juice.

Uh-huh.

It makes you have these.

Just try it, and you'll see what happens.

She'll love it.

Dice pineapples, Jen.

Okay, I'll talk to her about that.

All right.

No, you're going to eat the pineapples for like a week.

Okay, and then?

And save it up.

Don't, you know, play with yourself for about a week and just eat diced pineapple.

That's not possible, my friend.

You got to.

For a week.

When I was 18, I was doing it six times a day.

Fuck a week, man.

I can last two days.

Listen, man, if you're getting 16-year-old pee, you can save it up.

You got to.

No, no, no.

That's not going to happen.

I'll run you almost that long there, Jim, and I'll be done, man.

It has time flies.

All right, we got Lonesome's in the house.

What's up, Lonesome?

How you doing?

Lonesome got a win this week in the fantasy football.

Dirty Aaron lost to Ken.

Dirty Aaron was leading the whole league, and he had the best record in the league, I think,

and Ken whooped his ass.

I got a win.

and I think I got a 3-point win or something like that.

I squeaked the win this weekend,

despite the fact that Michael Vick's a dumbass.

Cosby's Therapy Animals from Lonesome Loser.

Therapy Animals.

That's where they let you ride a horse.

If you feel sad, you ride the horse and you feel better.

Jen, you ever hear about that?

They do that there.

Yeah, yeah, I know about that.

Hopefully the new Request a Prank is working.

It seems to be working because I am getting prank requests,

so that is very good.

Very good.

Request a Prank.

Let's see what we got here.

jim stewart jim stewart yeah yeah yeah yeah have you registered your nickname in the chat room

no i haven't because i don't i don't i don't know what this is this other guy what what's

his name again bedbox he's a chat owner i think yeah he um i'm the owner i'm the owner but i will

i'm going to add you to my list but you have to uh register your nickname yeah but he said he was

like i don't know he was hosting or whatever but yeah i i don't know do you need me to do that i

I don't know.

Am I going to come on?

If you register, then I can go ahead and take care of you anytime you come in.

That way it'll automatically happen.

I need you to register your nickname.

Give me plus Q.

I want plus Q.

He said I couldn't get plus Q.

I want plus Q.

Okay, well, we'll make sure we get another server for you then, man.

I'll let you know when we get that call.

All right.

Jen wants to be the queen.

I'm the queen of chat.

No, it's Q, man.

No, Jen, there can only be one plus Q.

All right, so DeathFox sent in a number yesterday for the Tiberius restaurant.

He says, I have to read this.

It's a kosher restaurant.

This is what you're talking about, Milkman?

Traditional Jewish cafe open until 2 a.m.?

Yeah, man.

He was like, dude, you don't have to hear these people, dude.

They're talking heavy, heavy Hebrew and shit accents, man.

They do twice the fucking work.

All right, cool.

We'll mess with them.

Jen, you ready for this?

You're an anti-Semite.

I'm an anti-Semite.

Yeah, your grandfather used to chase Jews in Germany in the war.

you're a shit

with this bow and arrow

you are a shit

oi

wait a minute

let me do this thing first

you start

and then I'll join in

he was like

ah Juden

come here

Juden

come take a shower

Juden

yeah yeah

we are

with the Heil Hitler

yeah

he told Jews

to take a shower

you ready for

yeah

he sent them in

I said

you ready for

your shower

Juden

hello

hello Juden

how are you

Good, how are you?

Shalom, Shlomo.

Shlomo?

Shlomo, Shlomo.

My name is Shlomo.

Oh, nice to meet you.

Good.

I'd like to make an order for pickup, please.

One second.

Pickup, right?

Yeah.

Do you have white steak?

What?

White steak.

White steak?

Mm-hmm.

No, it's a kosher restaurant.

Yeah, white steak at a kosher restaurant.

You never heard of that?

No, never heard of that.

We sell fish and pasta, sushi also, but no white steak.

You have bagels?

We have paninis, the closest.

Okay, now you have kimchi.

This is Israeli, so I'm sure you have kimchi.

Kimchi, no.

No, kimchi.

No.

General Tso chicken.

No, we don't sell meat, only dairy and fish.

Okay, you have malacca?

No.

All right, what do you recommend then?

Is fish okay?

You have gefilte fish?

No, no gefilte fish.

What's with this Jew food that I don't understand?

What's the good food there?

You have white fish?

we have tilapia we have uh tuna uh we have yeah pastas you know okay all right so i'm gonna be

see the reason why i want to do this i have there's a rabbi who's coming over tonight to my

house okay and he doesn't know yet but i told him that my family was going to be here um and we

wanted to talk uh but it's only me and he's going to come over and he doesn't know but it's just

going to be me and him and i was going to you know i was just wanted to set the mood turn the

lights down and stuff and have a little bit of red wine with him you know and i'm going to wear

just my bathrobe or my smoking jacket so was there anything you could recommend for the rabbi

that make him feel more comfortable you know like i said again um if he likes uh pasta we have uh

jew pasta kinds we have sushi um and of course the fish that i told you uh okay all right so do you

Well, what do you recommend?

Like, what would be able to get him, you know, maybe to lower his inhibitions a little bit?

It's really...

Do you have oysters on the shell?

Sorry?

Do you have oysters on the shell?

Because I hear that's like an aphrodisiac.

Oysters?

On the shell, yeah, because that's an aphrodisiac.

That's not kosher also.

Well, it's fish.

Still.

Well, it's fish.

You said you have all fish there, so...

No, not all fish.

Are you Jewish?

No, no.

I'm Puerto Rican.

Oh, I thought your name was Shlomo, so...

No, no, that's what my homies call me, Shlomo and everything.

thing, but I'm trying to get him to become

attracted to me. He's very handsome.

Shlomo.

Is that really a Jewish name?

On the Stern show, they say that

all the time. They say Shalom, Shlomo.

Doesn't it mean something?

I thought it was a bad word.

I thought so, yeah.

It means that your frame rate is

at least half of what it should be.

Your frame rate?

Shlomo.

You're not in Shlomo.

You're in Shlomo.

yeah i get it now yeah there's uh i'm on bernie let me see if i can find that prank there's a

prank where like stern show prank what is it's like shalom shlomo the guy says there's an americ

one of those conservative american uh radio guys is doing his show from israel for a week

and they got crackhead bob to call and they said his name was shlomo or something what was that

hang on shlomo is uh apparently it's a hebrew name meaning solomon okay all right let me look

shalom i don't see it here it's a good prank it's with crackhead bob and he's like shalom and

he's talking really slow and he's like saying dirty things and the guy doesn't understand he

said that al-qaeda captured him and released him and he had brain damage oh man i i can't find it

anyone knows out there what it could hang on this is it and then the boys use crackhead bob

Bob Tapes, to call into the G. Gordon Liddy Show.

It's great.

Gentlemen, we're going to go directly to these wonderful patient people

who have been holding on the phones.

And first up, from Brooklyn, New York, Shlomo.

You're on the air.

Shalom to you, Mr. Liddy.

Shalom, shalom, Shlomo.

Shalom to my family as well, and I have some in Gustaviv.

Ah, your family is here.

Yes.

Wonderful.

Very good.

It is an honor to speak to you.

Well, thank you, Shlomo.

It's a privilege to speak to you.

How may I serve you today, sir?

Well, unfortunately, my brother was captured by al-Qaeda.

He was in Israel, and he escaped.

He's here now with me.

That's wonderful.

He suffered some brain damage, and he has a slight speech impediment.

Say hello to you.

Will and I would be delighted to say hello to him.

What is his name?

We call him Bob.

All right.

That's his American-Israeli name.

His real name is Saul.

In America, we call him Bob.

Okay, I'll be happy to call him Bob.

Thank you, Bob.

I'm not sure I understood you, Bob.

Okay, I got it.

Is it true that I once stood up someplace?

Yeah.

And where was that, Bob, that you were asking me about?

Did you tell you were caught in a ball-foul room?

Ball-foul?

I'm having difficulty understanding you.

I just want to say congratulations for escaping from Al-Qaeda and Shalom.

God love you.

Al-Qaeda?

Yeah, he said he was in Palestine and he said it was in Palestine that he got kidnapped by Al-Qaeda, which makes no sense.

Oh, man, hang on.

Al-Qaeda was about to blow up your Federal Reserve over there.

That was really exciting.

What?

That happened?

Yeah, in the news in New York,

somebody was arrested for attempting to...

Oh, yeah, that 17-year-old punk.

Yeah, I know that.

With a fake bomb, with a fake bomb.

I tell you what, if he gets a really good defense attorney,

he's going to be able to get away with that.

No, he won't, he won't.

He will, because it was a fake bomb.

There was no real threat.

Gin, they do that.

So he can just turn around and say...

Gin, that's what they fucking do around here, what they do.

They get the FBI to get some kid who's slow or stupid

stupid and they're like oh we're gonna get this guy and get our numbers up and and scare the

public a little bit like they're still an al-qaeda problem so they get them and and they they stick

them with with a fake bomb and they actually go to the place and try to blow it up and it doesn't

do anything and you know the minute he puts the bomb on or grabs the bomb they already got him

you know for intent you know that that's that's you know the intent they got him on that it's

yeah in 10 i don't know i think i seriously think if he had a good you know defense attorney he

would get away with it i mean that's that's just my opinion but every every year they do this

every year this shit happens they'd like to target like black muslims and stuff also here

yeah they they take advantage of them i didn't know about it was really exciting though because

i think that was one of the biggest um gold collections in the world that means if that

If that had actually happened, can you imagine the price of gold would have just fucking shot up?

I don't know.

You know.

No civilians were injured.

Yeah.

And no normal people had been killed or injured.

And, you know, the gold would have been blown up in some way, damaged or unusable, which is highly unlikely.

But if that had happened, the price of gold would have gone up and I would have been very happy personally.

Federal Reserve.

Federal Reserve is a bunch of shits, a bunch of bankers running the United States monetary system.

and we got sold out by Roosevelt, by FDR, setting that up back in the day.

The Constitution says that only Congress is supposed to have the ability to print money, right, Milkman?

Am I wrong or am I right?

Isn't that in the Constitution?

Only Congress has the right to order the printing.

That does not exist constitutionally.

It is a bunch of old world European, mostly German, hardcore banker money people that run that whole thing.

They're actually a separate independent organization.

They're not really an entity of the government.

They just do government, perform government services like printing money and da-da-da.

But they're really not government.

Yeah, but your printed money isn't worth anything without that reserve.

that. Well, that's a whole, no, that's not

not true what do you mean it's not it used to be backed money used to be backed by gold and then

silver and then silver yeah and now it's a federal reserve note in other words like just trust it

yeah it's just it's a trust note now instead of being backed by silver and gold like it should be

yeah should get rid of that's what big thing ron paul talks about is that should be

ended the federal reserve system bullshit fuck yeah dude because they can do what they want

They're the one that says the interest rates, it's all that bullshit.

It's all bullshit, man.

That's why our president and our constitution has written that we cannot control who gets elected.

Only the electoral college, the leaders, they put in to make the votes in on behalf.

Because we're not smart enough or worthy or rich enough to be trusted to vote somebody in.

They've got to have anyone in.

That's why our government is not really a democracy, whether it's a constitutional republic or some bullshit.

it's not truly a democracy we don't elect them i don't know milkman you're upset

take it easy buddy can we call the federal reserve no we're not

i'll talk to them when i'll be like yeah i want to rope the place

and then he says this is a prank show not dr lego jew money show

yeah i love i love there's more of them um jewish numbers in there dude

Lego did get mad once.

They hate pork, dude.

Ask them about pork.

They don't like that shit.

Lego got mad because he does a podcast sometimes, Your Money Show,

and it's him and two other Jews talking about money and investments.

And I went into the chat room that he had, and I said,

Oh, it's the Jew Money Show.

And he got upset, and he banned me.

He called me the next day and said,

Hey, man, I'm trying to do something serious.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to get upset, but just please don't do that.

You know, there's a time for, you know, I'll do the prank calls with you and stuff, but I'm trying to do something serious with your money show.

I was like, all right, I'm sorry, Lego.

Sorry, dude.

But Lego's cool.

He hooked me up with tickets for my bachelor party to Atlantic City.

He got me a good rate on a hotel room and shit.

That was pretty cool.

He was a cool dude.

Lego's a good friend.

So is Zola.

All those guys from back in the PCU days, except for KDK.

And even KDK, he doesn't, I'm not.

KDK's all right, man.

He's all right.

He's just a whack-a-nut.

He's just out there, you know.

He's on the wrong team.

Yeah.

I think he's cool.

Just ignore, yeah, just ignore KDK.

He's just KDK.

Jen Wright, you know what I'm talking about.

KDK is just KDK.

He's just KDK, that's it.

He's just, yeah.

Hey, we got Harry Dick.

Harry Dick's the number two.

I haven't heard nothing from Ted Webb in a long time.

Whatever happened to him?

He was on three weeks ago, man.

Yeah, I was going to say he was on recently.

Was he not?

Yeah.

But it hasn't been a while, right?

Because I haven't heard him in the last couple of weeks at least.

No, three or four.

He's busy.

He plays hockey and he does massages and stuff like that.

He's a massage therapist now.

I thought he does archery.

Hey, nothing on breast massages.

It should be regularly done.

No, he gets massages on his way home from hockey.

Asian massage.

Yeah.

All right.

Didn't you ever do that?

The Asian massage?

I volunteer for the breast massage.

Come on, Ted.

I don't get those kind of massages, but I do get massages, yeah.

Archery massage?

You're a fuck, mate.

You are a fuck.

I've massaged your biceps and your archery hand.

Yeah, yeah, my quads, yeah.

Your quads.

All right.

So, uh, Jin, you want to call Harry Dick?

I don't know if I want to call him.

No, you call Harry Dick.

I haven't done any calls in a while.

I'm going to wait until you get me a good number.

I don't have much of an idea for this.

I'm just going to be goofy.

Yeah, that's all right.

We're normally goofy.

How's the video, folks?

I mean, how's the video and the audio in the video?

Let me know if it's good or is it better.

Let me know.

because if it's not any good we'll get rid of it we'll get live stream let me know is this skipping

less or more crisp enigma says video needs to fit the window yeah there's no way around that ken

the reason for that let me mention that here hello harry you can explain it to harry harry harry dick

mira mira we'll keep harry on while it's finished did you say mira mira yeah i say that all the

the time it's a guy man yeah i don't know um the deal with the you with puerto rican all right

yeah that's puerto rican then to say meet us it means look and you're like yo yo

mira mira i thought it meant after sorry i thought it meant something else

no we we say meet all the time yeah right milk me i say milkman right me that right

milkman we say that all the time yeah i mean i was like look here look look

what's girl then what's girl uh nana no that's girl nana n-e-n-a really yeah nana

mira nana i said that all the time mira nana yeah that's that's a gay thing

no like you know how you would say in in english in america at least you'd be like oh my god or

you know i mean like jesus christ well the uh a spanish version uh spanish phrase that is

is associated with something a gay person would say stereotypically is Mira Nena.

Like, hey, girl, Mira Nena, like that.

That's something, you know.

I'm just sharing with you guys, at least in Puerto Rico.

The video, it's a YouTube thing.

It's Google Hangout, and the good thing about it is it gives me the ability,

A, to promote the YouTube channel a little more.

Oh, you're doing a live broadcast on YouTube?

Yeah, yeah, live on YouTube.

If you go to YouTube.com slash Madhouse Radio, you'll see the video feed right there.

Now, the bar on the bottom, it's kind of split.

The reason for that is, and hopefully we get some people to join in on video.

Milkman, I was asking you, but you didn't get a chance to set it up, I guess.

But if you have a Google Plus account, I can invite you to the YouTube.

I have a Google Plus account.

We'll get on it.

I just don't have it activated on my Madhouse Live account.

so I'll activate it over there

and I'm also sending an invitation to Jim

that's what I was telling you earlier

yeah well if you join the hangout

the YouTube hangout

you'll be on the bottom and if I want

I can just click on you and focus

or I can set it so that when you're talking

it automatically focuses to you so it looks like a professional

web show

like a professional TV show you know

and I got the bottom third going that says Carlito

I could put my

I could put like my Twitter feed

Yeah, you can have up to eight people, I think, on the video feed at once.

But anyway, with this stuff, it's really cool because as soon as the show's over, when I hit stop broadcast,

it's going to upload the entire show automatically to YouTube publicly, and I can make clips out of it.

If there was a good prank call, I can mark the start, end, and submit, and it makes a separate clip for it.

Really cool.

Hopefully, it'll boost our YouTube subscribers.

But unedited, obviously, yeah?

What?

unedited

as soon as you finish the show

it's going to be unedited

that's the thing

sorry

so no mistakes then

no

no criminal actions

but I can make a video private

with a click

it's pretty quick

I think I have it set up now so they upload

private from the beginning

so tomorrow morning if I feel the show was

safe enough to post publicly

then i'll just change it to public and it's a done deal or i can just take some clips out of it

to stay safe uh make a best of version but it's uh it's pretty good so jen you could do that for

you know for your show and you wouldn't even have to show video you could just uh you could not have

video on just the youtube part i could do but i'm not going to do that i'm just gonna do it i'm just

gonna do it the way i've been doing in fact i don't even want to use irc anymore because i just

want to go out and do the show okay all right cool um i'm like man i know you're weird that's

That's why. You're a weird archery kid.

You are a fucking cunt.

Well, at least he's a silver medalist, right?

Was it silver or gold? What was it?

Nothing. Honorable mention is what he got, this guy.

Fucking fucking idiot.

He got a disqualified mention.

Well, he got a participation ribbon then.

Yep.

Lonesome sending in numbers for the Russian bakery and the Red Russian Tavern.

I wanted to make a note here.

I'm a big fan of Cold War history and stuff like that.

It is, and I did play a clip earlier when we were starting the show, played a clip of John F. Kennedy's famous speech during the Cuban Missile Crisis.

Cuban Missile Crisis was 50 years ago, 13 days, man, in October of 1962, milkman, where we supposedly became the closest that this world has ever come to to all-out nuclear war.

or DEFCON 2.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What was that, the Bay of Pigs, right?

No.

This is after Bay of Pigs.

Okay, I get lost in the exact time.

That was a very, very, very critical time.

It was very critical.

And I remember before my mom passed away last year, I asked her about it.

I was like, hey, Mom, what was it like in Puerto Rico?

You were alive then.

She was in high school at the time.

And she said that there were a lot of troops.

troops she's uh she grew up in the mountains of puerto rico there was at that time like you know

maybe one house in the entire name not even a name you don't say neighborhood it's a you know

a large community everyone lived on a farm and maybe one or two houses had a phone and stuff

like that but she you know very rural still at that point and she said there were troops

troops like moving into like the mountains in puerto rico and she said the reason for it was

because they were expecting um uh an all-out attack on the united states like a nuclear attack

and being that puerto rico was a united states territory and had a lot of uh you know military

assets already army bases and stuff um there were troops and special forces who were hiding out in

in the mountains and little makeshift camps,

uh,

waiting for the shit to go down and they were expecting to be able to

survive the nuclear,

the,

the majority of a nuclear exchange.

Um,

you know,

she said,

and she said there was a lot of weird movements.

She said there were like a lot of trucks and,

and there was a lot of speculation that they were moving gold.

Like Jen,

you were just talking about gold and silver from the federal reserve.

They were moving gold and silver into the mountains of Puerto Rico and

stuff,

uh,

for safekeeping in case World War III broke out.

You know, it was really, yeah, she said it was really kind of scary for them at that time.

Wow.

Yeah.

I mean, Puerto Rico is pretty close to Cuba.

Not as close as Florida is, but it's in the Caribbean.

So did they have a big cocaine export?

No, cocaine.

That wasn't a thing back then, man.

60s.

It wasn't a thing.

It was always a thing, wasn't it?

No.

Cocaine?

Not until the 70s and 80s.

Late 70s.

It was the 80s.

Yeah, that – yeah, I mean, and that was – you know, after Vietnam and then that's when the cartel started and the Americans started going and a few of them making deals, you know, the – you've got to watch the movie Blow and stuff like that.

That will explain.

That's a pretty good movie.

And the Frank Lucas movie, what's that called, American Gangster, that was heroin, but that gets into it.

Yeah, I watched that.

That was pretty good.

That was with Denzel Washington.

Denzel, yeah, yeah.

And the real Frank Lucas, I heard an interview with him and they asked him, of all the movies, except for your own, of all the movies out there, which one is the most accurate historically when it comes to the drug, you know, how drugs came about, the drug world and all that.

And he said Bar None Blow was really, it was very super accurate historically.

Like he said, it was amazing, that movie.

He's a shit like Scarface

And all that crap is retarded

But that blow is a good movie

That's Johnny Depp

If I'm not mistaken

I'm going to download it

No I'm not going to download it

That's illegal

I'm going to pay for it and download it

Of course on Netflix

Which I don't know if you have in the UK

Whatever version you have over there

Skyflix or whatever it's called there

They barely have it in Puerto Rico

I can't imagine the U.K.

So we've got a Russian bakery.

I bet you they've got some good baked goods in the Russian bakery.

They just cut the pudding for us here recently.

Yeah.

So Harry Dick didn't work out.

We've got more requests to prankstow.

Death Foxx has sent in a leading in and man.

He called them Wednesday.

The woman asked if it was Johnson resident.

She said no.

Oh, that's his confirming.

Okay.

So anyway, we've got an and man here.

Let's see what else we've got.

play some music that's what we got it's a weird show tonight guys i'm sorry i just uh trying to

get used to the new layout of some things look at that thunder really coming down out there that's

really cool the thunder that i like that i like that i got the window i wish we'd get more thunder

over here i really like it yeah i got the window open it's nice and cool it's rainy not super long

hard rain but just nice drizzle feels comfortable i wish i smoked weed be good night and smoke weed

um bone thuggish sent in a number did he no he said he just said hey long time listener

love the new site but can you make it possible to download all the pranks in one click

um all right we'll keep that in mind enigma right put that in the big board milk van put

that in the big board on gort uh bone thuggish yeah yeah check my gort because i should be there

i just invited you all right cool thanks um basil pizza and wine bar jewish restaurant other is that

where we just called are we like are we are we going on the jew thing today are we obsessed with

jews no he just sent the same number twice that's all oh i see i was gonna say like what we suddenly

turned into jewish thing all right rbcp so you had a bunch of jewish numbers i don't know where

all you know where they were but they're all restaurants were all jewish but they could be

chinese they could be on all kinds of different types of restaurants but they're all jewish

All right, we got Chinese Jewish restaurant. Yeah, he found one Chinese shit in yeah, I was flipping out

Yeah, he did. Where's my whiskey glass? We got a glass here with ice lost. I left it out in the hallway. Fuck

Okay, that's all right you go get it and I'll talk about how I went on a vacation one time and did our jury

And I was in a truck with my archery team

We were in the truck, and we positioned the archers all over the road

because there was an infiltration of soldiers.

Castro was coming down, and you guys were going to try to take him out?

We just got our bow and arrows out, and we shot the shit out of everybody.

Nice. Good. It was a massacre.

They called it the Jean Stewart Massacre.

Well, instead of that, I'll play this little bit of audio here.

I'm going to grab my whiskey glass. I'll be right back.

You didn't get it. I was fucking chatting bollocks.

What do you think?

Gentlemen, for the last 15 years, I have fought here at this table,

alongside your predecessors in the struggle against the soviet now i do not wish to seem

melodramatic but i do wish to impress upon you a lesson i learned with bitter tears and great

sacrifice the soviet understands only one language action respects only one word force i concur with

general taylor i recommend sir airstrikes followed by invasion perhaps preceded by an ultimatum to

dismantle the missiles if that is militarily viable so it appears we have we have three options

Number one, a surgical airstrike against the missiles themselves.

Two, a much larger airstrike against their air defenses, along with the missiles.

And three, invasion.

So we're certainly going to do number one.

We're going to take these missiles out.

It seems to me we can't wait very long.

We should at least be making those preparations.

We're preparing to implement all three options, though I must stress again, sir,

there are risks to the strikes without the follow-on invasion.

You want to be clear, Mr. President, that we've definitely decided against a political track.

Dean, how does this all play out?

Your first step, sir, will be to demand that the Soviet withdraw the missiles within 12 to 24 hours.

They will refuse.

When they do, you will order the strikes, followed by the invasion.

They will resist and be overrun.

They will retaliate against another target somewhere else in the world, most likely Berlin.

We will honor our treaty commitments and resist them there, defeating them per our plans.

The plans call for the use of nuclear weapons.

So

what is the next step?

hopefully cooler heads will prevail before we reach the next step hopefully indeed and uh good

thing we never got that close hey milkman good thing we had a kennedy in the in the office good

thing john f kennedy was president at that point because we had someone else like lbj uh probably

would have been a lot different than what happened you know what i mean you guys there jen milkman

i'm here yeah i'm just listening to the weird thing that you just played i didn't even understand

Yeah, or Truman.

Either that or Truman.

If he would have been there, he'd have dropped the bomb.

Yeah, he dropped the first two.

He dropped the first bomb.

He didn't pull around, did he?

Uh-uh.

No.

Okay, well, let's see what else we got here.

All right, here's what I was getting.

RBCP sent in Corey Feldman's number.

Corey Feldman, I know you guys know who he is.

RBCP says his premise is to pretend I'm Michael Bay

and tried to convince Corey to reprise his role as Donatello

in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot.

Now, wait a minute.

I know there's a Turtles reboot.

Is Michael Bay really directing it?

Michael Bay.

Yeah, you know, Transformers.

Yeah, yeah, and Bad Boys.

Yeah.

Is he really?

I know there was a reboot coming out, but Michael Bay is really doing it.

I guess he'd be the guy.

I'm looking forward to that movie.

What's that one with the guy from King of Queens?

What's the name of it?

I think it's supposed to be coming out at any time now.

The UFC fight one?

The UFC fighting one you're talking about?

Yeah, that one.

Yeah, dude.

That guy is so funny.

He always reminds me of you.

I laugh my ass off when I watch him, man.

Okay.

He reminds me of you.

You of me.

Okay.

Gotcha.

Yeah.

Definitely, man.

Just the way he is, man.

He's just funny as shit, man.

I never really watched.

I sure liked it that much, but his wife in that show, I'd bang her.

she's in a

oh hell yeah

she's hot man

you would do that

I like older ladies

despite the fact

that you're fucking married

you would do that

yeah

so

Jim

is your wife

Jerry Remini

I don't think

I'd tell her no

no

what's her name

Jerry Remini

is that her name

I don't know

I just know

I've seen her

she's a milfy

kind of looking

nice little number

oh I love that

how do you spell that

she's got the

Italian look to her

R-E-M-I-N-I

okay I'm looking

I'm looking

Yeah, find her number, Jen.

We'll call her and ask her about that.

Yeah, let's call her.

All right.

RBCP says we could mention that it's a Ninja Turtles-themed porn movie instead.

We can come up with something better if we want.

Just be sure to mention my Kenny Loggins CD.

Good point.

Oh, Kenny Loggins.

I got Corey Philman's number in 2002.

I reconfirmed it.

It was still working in 2006.

Today he checked it,

and they told me his number has been

switched to a different phone number

and the name is under John Doe

haha that's funny

a guy answered who sounds just like Corey Feldman

alright so I think

we got enough to go with here Corey Feldman

what else did I was trying to think Corey Feldman

he was in that one show as a kid

oh god what is it

that was around my time you know we're talking like

80s when he was you know more of a child

actor I don't know he was in Friday the

13th he was in Goonies right if I remember

correctly

um what else we'll see he was that one vampire movie that one really badass vampire movie with

the teenagers lost boys i think he was in lost boys also i think he was in a lot of those movies

that i watched from the 80s when i was a kid and of course he was uh in ninja turtles i think it

was was he was in there was a movie with um tom hanks some shitty movie with tom hanks where he

lived on a cul-de-sac or it wasn't called the cul-de-sac or something the hood something like

that gold star if you know what i'm talking about unless i'm confused i don't know was he in lost

boy he wasn't lost boys right yeah and yeah cobra's got to the burbs very oh man i forgot

about the burbs that was a fucking movie right there all right let's call cory feldman cory

feldman here we go play some music death box said that restaurant that he gave you is apparently a

different restaurant oh so we got two we got a different jew restaurant okay cool we'll get to

to that and then thank you and leah remini is fucking cheap yeah she's fit right and that older

lady you know older 40 year old mom kind of look you know what i mean oh i like that yeah that's

the opposite of what you had last weekend oh i've had that as well man i've been all over the

uh tina cougar though man she'd like she'd just like you know chew your face off and make you

louder nunu said he played he didn't play data and star trek nunu yeah everyone knows brent

Brent Spiner played Data in Star Trek.

Duh.

Get out of here.

Milkman, take Nunu's ops away if he says something stupid like that again.

How about Brent Spiner?

No.

All right.

Come on.

Be nice.

You know who Brent Spiner is.

Don't be stupid.

It is Brent Spiner.

I'm pretty sure that was Data.

Lieutenant Commander Data.

Okay.

Blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, that was Brent Spiner.

That was Brent Spiner.

Data.

Man, I'm talking a lot and doing little pranks.

Yeah, what the fuck?

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm going to try to call it again.

You're trying to mess with me, man.

No, I'm just sitting here.

I thought you were trying to do some archery.

The number's busy trying to do some archery.

The number's busy.

No answer there, RBCB.

I'll try Corey Feldman in a little bit.

Remind me, RBCB.

Don't let me forget.

All right, we got a different Hasidic Jewish restaurant.

Death Talk says, per the reviews, women can't go in there unless dressed right.

Really?

Wow.

Big Ken killed Dirty Aaron, man.

Fucked him, man.

You did?

I was surprised.

That's good.

Good for you.

If you remember during last week's show, I said, oh, yeah, I was still a milkman.

Yeah.

You know, by the end of this week, you know, we'll start seeing who's ahead, who's not.

It's going to be a little more, you know, disperse the records.

And that's nowhere near what happened.

Now, everyone's three and three.

Everyone's got the same record.

Who's on top?

I think Aaron and, well, I think Andy is tied.

There's a three-way tie for second place right now, if I remember correctly.

I think it's between EvilRD, Andy, and DirtyAaron.

And I think everyone else is 3-3 right now.

But, oh, shit.

Wait a minute.

Was there a Thursday night game this week?

Ken?

Guys?

Milkman?

Yeah, I'm here.

My shit got fucked up.

Oh, was there a Thursday night game this week?

Yeah, Seattle and San Francisco.

Yeah, San Francisco.

You there?

Yeah, yeah.

You put me on hold.

I don't know what happened.

Ken, you there still?

Yeah, that was me.

Oh, you, Milkman.

Ken.

Ken's shit got fucked up.

Yeah, he's doing archery.

I forgot the fantasy football.

I'm afraid I had a player in there that might not have been, should have been playing.

There was a game tonight.

Fuck, I forgot to set that in time.

Damn it.

All right, let me do some Lonesome Loser numbers here real quick before those get stale.

We'll go back to the Request a Prank.

Let's do the Russian Bakery.

Jin, if you want to do a prank, let me know.

Anybody else wants to do one?

I don't have much time left because I have to go very, very shortly.

Oh, okay.

Sorry, I like coming on just to talk to you, man.

Sharpen your arrows

You're doing this

You can bring me into it if you want

Is this Russian bakery?

Yes, hold on one second

Is this Soviet Union bakery?

Yes, not Soviet Union

Russian bakery

Yeah, from the Soviet Union, right?

Originally?

Yeah

Alright, I'd like to make an order for a Soviet Communist cake

I'd like it to be red

It's impossible

I'm not available now

When can you make a red cake for me?

I'm sorry, can you call me tomorrow because it's kind of late already?

Well, you know, can you tell me how much would it cost?

I want a cake that's red and it's going to say Death to America on it in yellow letters.

I don't want to talk to you, you know, just don't call me anymore.

Well, you're Soviet Union.

Come on, we're friends now.

It's okay, come on.

We're friends now, right?

I'm not here.

I don't want to talk to you.

Why, did I offend you?

I'm just curious.

You bothered me.

Are you Ukrainian?

Oh, she didn't like that.

They take offense to that.

We should call the Soviet Union.

We should call Russia.

Lonesome Loser, get some Russian numbers in the former Soviet Union.

He's got one here for this really cool pizza place he sent you.

I have Nutella pizza, man.

I don't think you called that one.

Nutella?

Oh, man, that's good stuff.

That's big in England.

Dude, that shit is.

I can't believe they're making Nutella pizza.

They only make two things, and their house specialty is the Nutella pizza,

and this is one of the Jewish places.

Are you serious?

I was just kidding.

They put cheese and this shit on

I don't get it

I have no idea

It is disgusting

All I could think of would be

Almost like a naan bread

Without any garlic or onion flavor

Just kind of like the bread

With some sweet chocolatey hazelnut sauce

Let me do this one then

They've got dessert pizzas

They've got cinnamon cake pizza

You could do a Nutella

A quarter like that.

It would be something kind of pastry-like instead of pizza-like.

Okay.

I would, I don't know, I think I'd try a Nutella pizza.

It would probably be good donor munchie food.

Well, there you go.

There you go.

So which one is that then?

What was it?

It's Brassil.

He said it was called Brassil.

I'm going to look at it again here.

I'm looking here.

What did he tell me?

He said, tell him it's called Basil.

It's the spot with the Nutella pizza.

Basil, okay.

Let me look here and request a prank.

Yeah, like an herb.

Basil.

Hey, you got Ken on hold in Skype.

How am I doing that?

Anyway, Enigma, thanks for pointing that out.

I appreciate it, Enigma.

Enigma, I know we're ready to give you a shout-out, but thanks, man.

Good work.

You know, Enigma's so patient because I've been bothering him all fucking week, right, Enigma?

Nah, it's good.

It's all good.

Can we get this to work?

Can we get that to work?

Come on.

Ken, I'm going to hang up on you.

Ken, if you can hear me, I'm hanging up on you because I'm retarded.

Thanks a lot, Ken.

That's all good.

I really appreciate it, man.

Everybody loves it, man.

Ken, call back in, Ken.

Ken, call back in.

All right.

Ken will call back in.

Actually, I can call him.

Duh.

Ken.

Hang on.

It's going through.

Ken.

Is he still muted?

I don't hear him.

There we go.

He's there.

All right.

Oh, okay.

Ted Webb?

Yeah, you got right.

Ted Webb's here.

All right.

Look, Jen, I'm going to post this basil place, okay?

Uh-huh.

Basil pizza.

Let me put this.

I'm taking it off the new request to prank.

Very good.

I'm going to take out the contact page

because people are getting confused

they're sending requested pranks as contacts

and vice versa

that should be pretty easy to do

I suppose, I'll figure it out

if not I'll hit you up

do you want me to remove it right now?

actually yeah, go ahead if you can

so people don't do that anymore

that'd be awesome, thanks

do you see the details there, Jin?

did it come through on Skype for you?

I see it

I'll do a show until 2 o'clock

Since I started an hour late

We'll do an hour later a show

I'm going to be so tired of work tomorrow

And I'm supposed to listen to Jim Stewart tomorrow

Don't worry you'll catch it on the thing

No I want to listen live okay

Yeah but live is to make me nervous

When there's so many people listening

No I'm not going to be in the chat room

I never look at the numbers anymore

Because it's just like oh fuck it

I don't want to know

I'm going to be with the girl from the office

That I have an affair with

Alright I'm going to see if I can get the girl on my show

Thank you for calling Basel, Brooklyn's one-of-a-kind kosher pizza and wine bar.

For hours of operation, please press 1.

For location and directions, please press 2.

For to-go orders, please press 3.

Basel does not accept reservations, but any inquiries regarding...

Thank you. Please hold while we transfer your call.

They're in New York. I think they're open still.

Maybe.

Well, it is New York.

Who the hell's calling me at midnight?

Hi. You have either called us outside of our regular business hours

or our baristas are very busy helping

other customers. Please leave a message

or call us back in a few minutes. Thank you.

I'll shut that.

They were playing Vivaldi. Did you hear that?

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

That's very Jewish.

It's definitely not.

Alright.

Patty says, can't connect to the chat room

but video feed looks good and sounds great.

Patty's having trouble with the chat room also

as of one hour ago.

I'm not sure. Patty, was it Mivid or not?

It's not just about the end all be all.

Anyway, for anybody that's interested, there's probably going to be further iterations of it.

This is just enough to get it off the ground and running by this week.

Because Fox, Carlito, Enigma, and everybody have had their hands so full.

We've been trying to get this thing up and down, and it'll get better.

So just be patient.

Sorry about that.

We apologize, but it will be fixed.

We're working on it.

Yeah, it's, you know, some kinks to get out, but we'll get it.

It's a masterpiece in progress.

Exactly.

It was being a bitch to me earlier, too, the chat room.

I think Death Fox said he fixed it.

Okay, I think he increased the number of connections allowed

or something that probably resolves the issue.

If you're having problems, try connecting again.

Try connecting again, yeah, totally.

All right, Cobra sent in a number here for a Mexican woman

who called him as a wrong number about an hour ago.

Well, about two hours ago at this point.

A Mexican woman looking for Yolanda.

All right, we'll try that.

Thanks for passing that on.

Appreciate it.

Good call.

Hey, ask for anybody.

You ever get a wrong number, get as much info as you can and pass it on.

I just like messing with them.

I'll tell them it's the right number.

You have reached the voicemail box of 36092.

Blah, blah, blah.

No answer there.

Here we go.

Carlito, I've got to hit it, man.

I'm really sorry.

I wanted to stay on longer, but I've already gone 10 minutes over what I wanted to do.

No worries, man.

Well, have a good show later.

I'll be listening.

Take it easy.

Yeah, I'll have a good show.

Thanks for having me on the show again.

I love being here

Hey man

Good having you

Take it easy

Have a good day

You're hearing from me tomorrow

And hearing that hot girl

Yeah

Yeah maybe

If I can get her on

Bye

Ted Webb

Ted Webb loves you

Post a picture

He's gonna fuck her in the ear

It's gonna be awesome

You know

You know somebody

I already told you about

Tonight's football score

There Carlito

But even better

Is the guy I'm playing this week

I think it's a rude dog

He had Russell Wilson

As a quarterback

He had a whole seven point

That guy's had a really

Really bad

had a really bad time. Him and

Richie are the bottom of the barrel, I think, in our

league, right? Yeah, he was the one that

showed up late for the draft

and then just started drafting a bunch of random

people that didn't get him any quarterbacks.

Oh, man.

I'm looking here.

I had Frank Gore tonight and he got me

24 points. Not bad. There you go.

For San Francisco. Frank Gort.

Cool. Frank Gort.

I thought I had

David Akers. Luckily, I didn't have David Akers

in there. I thought I...

Good, I put Lawrence Tynes in.

David Icker's only got seven points tonight, so that's good.

Hopefully, I think Lawrence Tynes might have a better time with the Redskins.

I believe the Giants are playing the Redskins Sunday, so that's a good sign.

Actually, wow, I'm playing Andy this week.

I've got to bring it up.

I've got an empty slot I've got to fill in.

I need a running back.

So if you, Ken, if you've got a running back out there that you're looking to trade for

or something on my bench or you want to make a deal, let me know.

No, I'd appreciate it.

That'd be much appreciated.

Frank Gore's 24 points.

Not bad.

Matter of fact, let me think here.

No, no, no.

Hey, if you trade the Armonito, man, you'll actually get an extra gold star.

Yeah, those gold stars are worthless, Milkman.

Come on.

You're supposed to say I go afterwards, damn it.

No one gives a shit about those things.

All right, Lonesome Loser sending in a number for LeVar Burton.

All right, cool.

Let's give him a call.

Speaking of stealing your thunder.

Kunta Kinte.

Jordy LaForge.

Remember Kitty getting in the water?

Reading Rainbow guy.

Yeah, have some kiddie water.

He was the guy that made all the sounds on Police Academy.

You want a glass of water for?

Well, uh...

Caleb, Aiman is 81828.

He's got a good voice.

Yeah, do you think LeVar Burton's a gay?

I'm pretty sure he is, right?

I'm pretty sure.

Yeah.

Nice guy, though.

Reading Rainbow.

Yeah, definitely gay.

I grew up watching LeVar Burton from Reading Rainbow and then, you know, Star Trek.

You know what other movie he was in?

He was in Die Hard, the original.

original here's a techie dude trying to break into the safe oh yeah i don't know i don't know

if i remember the original diehard remember the second one a lot is the second one the one where

the plane he used the the fuel from the plane to land it or something like that that's yeah yeah

i don't know you know i don't think i've ever seen the first diehard well the first one had him

he was like the techie guy trying to break in the uh the bad guy was alan rickman and they were in

the uh all the sky high or the fucking tower and shit where his wife worked and stuff oh he

uh sorry to interrupt but he is married to stephanie stephanie cozart married in 1998

been married a long time i guess he isn't a gay well that's even if he was it's cool

here's my good cover he may just be running a cover man you know i have to automatically give

him bread wasn't that one of the options uh stephanie yeah the first one yeah there you go

All right, well, cool.

There you go.

LeVar Burton, everybody.

He's one hell of a guy.

The guy with the goofy glasses on Star Trek.

Didn't answer.

Here's Lonzo.

Lonzo has for sale two antique toy metal trucks for $5 each.

Oh, hell yeah.

Is that a Death Fox number?

Lonzo.

No, this is off someone else.

I don't know who it is.

But Lonzo's got these for sale.

That's cool.

Lonzo, man.

That's the name of my horse when I was a kid in Puerto Rico.

I used to get loose and run around the neighborhood, and everyone got scared.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

4-2-3-2-9-3-2.

Shut up.

No answer there, but we got Rutledge here posting,

Needed.

Someone to stay with elderly lady as fill-in through the choices program.

What's that?

I don't know.

Must have first aid and CPR card.

Please call and message with your phone number.

Okay.

If it says message, we'll see if they answer.

or says please call and message it's not promising you know for some reason i'm in the mood i've been

in the mood the last few days i don't know of a place like this where i live now but when i was

in orlando there was a like a german pub and they had like you know good sausages and german beers

and all this stuff they just smelled so good in there man just smelled like brats and good

and that was the one you guys went to in florida yeah there was a place wonder bar in florida i

I used to go to it.

Yeah, I remember you telling me about that.

Oh, man, that place is the bomb.

Hello, is this Rutledge?

Yes.

Yes, I was calling about you needed someone to stay with the elderly lady.

I need a lady.

Huh?

You need a lady?

Yes.

Oh, my wife can stay.

She works with the Choices Program.

Oh, really?

How wonderful.

Yeah, it's wonderful.

She has first aid, CPR.

She used to be a nurse and everything.

And she got kicked out of the hospital because she had a problem with pain medication.

but she still has all her certifications they didn't take those away that really sounds good

right now i'm not how how old is she this old lady that's 82 okay and then does she walk and

everything or yes she can walk does she um use the toilet or does she make a shit in the pants

in the bed okay does she need help wiping herself after she uses the restroom possible it's not out

no i don't okay all right and now is it her home or like a family members does she stay in her own

residence or does she stay with like you family member her own home okay does she have a tv and

nice things there is there jewelry around no um the furniture is pretty nice hello is it like a

flat huh hello miss rutledge yes okay the furniture is good uh what about the tv is it like a flat

I need to know a lot of things.

You can have your wife call me back tomorrow.

We'll chat more.

It's 12.30 at night.

Nudu had a couple good questions

to ask if she was sexually active

and also accused of being sexist

for not wanting to hire a man.

I got here a half-blooded female Sharpay with papers, black and very pretty.

She's out of a very good bloodline, and she was born on December 2, 2011.

If you're using her for breeding purposes, you will get at least $750 to $2,000.

All right, good.

Let's try to give that a call.

And then I have more numbers from Lonesome Loser.

Isn't that great?

Tell them that black is never pretty or some shit.

Start fucking with them about the color of the dog.

I'd rather have a white dog.

and I heard the white dog is more intelligent

let's see how we're doing

live listener wise right now

whoa holy shit

I'm not in right now but you can leave your name

your number and a brief message

and I will get back with you as soon as possible

thank you

I won't do that but we got a second number here posted

for this we'll try that

I feel like I got like low energy

I'm not really excited I don't know why

I should be excited

things are going really good for Madhouse right now

just an off night

Oh, you just got started a little bit late.

It's all right, man.

Put on the captain's hat, man.

I don't know where it is.

I've got to find it.

As a matter of fact...

You've got to find the captain's hat, man.

The admiral's hat.

As a matter of fact, you know...

Where's the boob that you used to play with on camera?

Oh, that's...

I missed that.

That's here somewhere.

I'll find that.

Yeah, I'll have it ready for next week.

I never did get one, neither.

I always wanted one.

I never got one.

I thought we were getting them, like, with Carlito's signature and shit.

You were sending them out as prizes.

I should do that.

Well, he was supposed to come...

I think it was supposed to come to the members of the staff

and, you know, anybody, you know, enlisted in the militia

that was on the roster at that time.

I'm still waiting.

Sorry.

You know, the way I got that, I don't know,

the big thing now for the holidays is you play that dollar store game

where everyone buys $10 store gifts,

and, you know, you go around Robin, around the living room, and you pick one.

You guys ever play that?

It's a fun game.

You know, like, basically everyone who comes to the Christmas party

brings five or ten dollar store gifts and you put them in a big pile in the middle and then you start

one person and that person you basically you can either choose a gift from the pile or you can

trade you force you can pick someone else's gift and that yeah steal a gift yeah we had that deal

you could steal a gift you could only steal once yeah well no you can steal all you want in our

version that we play but if you get your gift stolen you get to immediately pick another gift

and go from there.

So that's how I got it.

I got the boobs.

Someone got them at a dollar store,

and I went to dollar stores all the time,

and I never found them,

but they sell them on Amazon.

They sell them online.

They have a larger version

and the same version that I got,

the smaller one.

I was about to say,

didn't we find out they had

like three or four different sizes

or something like that?

Yeah, Milkman was going crazy for that.

I don't know why.

Your call has been forwarded

to an automatic voice message system.

Okay.

We got Russian numbers here,

starting off with napoleon hotel in moscow here we go let's hit that reset button but you guys

don't even know what i'm talking about when it comes to russians and the reset button what we're

doing hello is this the soviet union what is this soviet union what what i'm looking for the hotel

in moscow soviet union is this it does someone there speak english damn it can you put them on

on the phone?

Oh, okay.

You said you're going

to get somebody?

Oh, God.

I want to insult you

and make you mad.

Is that okay?

My name is Cross.

I'm from the Soviet Union.

What?

Yeah, I'm in the hotel now.

And I want you to come

to the room.

I like you.

You look pretty.

You're a pretty girl.

no yeah come on i'm alone now you have husband i'm alone i mean yeah i'm alone you want to come

in the room you want to come with me alone in the room and together and we'll talk no why not

we have a party oh i'm sure what do you want oh why do you go here i like to kiss you you look

pretty girl pretty woman well come come to my room and we'll talk and touch and kiss and everything

No? Okay.

She sounded like she was into it.

If she wasn't alone, she'd do it.

Hello.

Yes, hi.

Yes, this is the Soviet Union Hotel.

Yes.

All right.

Are you the girl that was down there at the front desk a little bit ago?

You would like to talk with the front desk?

Well, were you the girl or was it someone else?

I am the back office of the front office.

Are you busy?

No, in some way.

Well, maybe me and you can talk and you come up to my room.

What is your room?

I'm on the first floor.

At first floor, it's here to Moscow-Leningradskaya, right?

Yeah, but why don't you come into my room and we can talk?

Do you like to drink a little bit, maybe?

I'm sorry, but I'm at work and I don't do such things at work.

No, but what time do you get out of work? When are you not working?

And what is the room number speaking?

What is your name, please?

My name is Cross.

Cross.

I'm Mr. Cross.

And what is your name?

My name is Mila.

Would you like to be, you know, maybe an American citizen and we can maybe talk about that?

No, I'm a Russian citizen.

Yeah, but America is better, maybe, you know.

No, thank you.

Do you know what the recipe is of making love?

I can't understand the last sentence.

The making love.

you know how to make love no i don't know you know what love is i know what love is i want you

i want you to show me no i want to feel i can't i can't agree with you and i don't do such things

at work and do or don't speak about it this at work i want to feel what love is i wrote that

song i'm the guy that sings that song you ever heard it before thank you it is very nice but

I want you to show me.

Thank you very much.

Can you put me through to the front desk?

I'm busy, busy too much now.

You probably got big, fat, hairy pussy lips.

Can you put me through to the front desk, please?

On front desk?

Yeah.

Hold on the line, please.

I'm connecting you.

Do you have big lips down there?

What, I'm sorry?

You know lips?

You know what lips are?

I would like to talk with front desk or talk about lips.

You know, but there's more than one lips on a girl, you know?

No, I don't know.

You know what labia is?

I'm sorry, but I can talk more.

I have another

call on my line.

All right, front desk, front desk.

Okay, if you would like to talk with front desk, right?

Yes, honey. Thank you, sweetie.

Okay, hold on to the line, please.

I want to hear that song now.

I want to feel what fuck is...

Everybody sing.

Thank you for waiting, but the line is busy.

Could you please ring us some late?

Could you put me on hold for a second, for a little bit?

They have a big check out

So it will be better if you ring us back in 10 minutes, okay?

I just want to hear the song that's playing, please

I'm sorry, what?

I'm smoking marijuana in the hotel room

And I want to hear that song, it's awesome

Can you please put it back on hold?

Okay, I can do it

Hurry up

Thank you

Yeah, I love this song, man

Great song

Everyone sing it

Everybody sing it

Was that guy still alive?

Who was that? Bill Cosby sung that?

I think? Now I want to hear that song too

Now I want to hear two songs

Louis Armstrong

I had to have a show where

as the guy, I told him he was playing

Louis Armstrong and I wanted to play real black music.

He's like, hello, Dolly.

What a wonderful world.

Hey, Lou, Dolly.

Louis Armstrong has a song called, I don't know if you ever heard it,

called Zat U Santa Claus. Did you ever hear that?

It's like, Zat U Santa Claus.

That's funny.

Let's see if I can find that. Zat U Santa Claus.

Zat U Santa Claus.

Let's see if I can find it.

Here we go.

Louis Armstrong, Zat U, Z-A-T-U

Santa Claus.

sounds like he had a full night of drinking before he comes across is that you santa claus

does that come like a red fox that's his dad coming in to beat him up is that you santa claus

oh no no santa claus no anyway man he's dead from taking drugs he died this year really oh man

nunu says he died who knows that's neil armstrong who are you talking about god we got a number in

in London. Where's Dirty Aaron?

How come he's not here?

He's probably in the cry room over there.

I don't want to be on

fucking...

I wanted to give him shit about the game.

About his week.

Is this the London GKW Seville?

This is 5.30 in the morning.

This is BBC.

I'm looking for Mr. Seville.

Well, why?

Because he's a pedophile and I wanted to trade numbers with him.

Who are you?

My name is Cross from the United States.

Yeah, well, no, I'm trying to find the person

Because I heard he had some good contacts

Listen

I don't know if you have this saying in England

But in America we have a saying

Shut the fuck up, cunt

You know what that means?

Yeah, I guess she does

Is that you, Santa Claus?

I'll say that to her if she answers

Hello?

Nope.

Bitch.

Is that you, Santa Claus?

Fucking, I bet he is the fucking cop.

Oh, UK Godfather, call back on Skype.

I thought I added you, but I think I missed you by a mere seconds.

So, UK Godfather, here, look at that.

UK Godfather wants to get added on the message again.

Forget it.

UK Godfather, I connected him, and he disconnected.

That's what he's been doing.

I connected him.

Oh, okay.

Okay, UK Godfather's got a problem on message.

You say you've got, I'll try.

I'm here.

It's UK Godfather.

He's here.

What's the matter, man?

I keep connecting, you disconnect.

Why?

Oh, there he is?

Yeah.

You've got to update Gort.

Yep.

Oh, you didn't put it in the Gort port.

Yeah, you've got to make sure you don't put it on the Gort port, man.

You've got to make sure.

Put it on the Gort port.

The Gort will automatically get access to it first.

Yep.

Gort takes precedence.

It's, yeah, the traffic on Gort takes over.

That's why we all get the highest bandwidth possible.

We got Death Fox sent in some more numbers.

We'll wait on some more from Lonesome.

We got Shiloh's Steakhouse.

We called Zappos a couple times.

And we got Charlie.

We got Faison the High One.

Faison, that hot little bitch.

Hot little number.

What about Jen?

Jen with the 16-year-old.

I still think that's wrong, man.

Yeah, that's pretty wrong.

Hello, thank you for calling Shiloh's.

Yes, hello.

Shalom.

Shalom, Shlomo.

Hello.

Yes, hi.

Shalom.

Yes, shalom.

Shalom.

Hey, I want to make an order.

An order?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, for pick up?

I want one steak meat.

I'm sorry, you want the order for pick up?

Uh, yes.

Okay, what would you like, sir?

Uh, your steak.

My steak?

Yes.

Which one?

Your private steak.

Which one?

Private steak.

I'm sorry, sir, I can't hear you.

I want your private steaks.

Steaks?

Your private one.

I'm sorry, I didn't hear that.

Private.

Private?

Yes.

Now, what do you mean, private steak?

You know, you have a private personal steak meet?

No, no, I don't know what you're talking about.

All men have a private steak.

I'm sorry, sir, private steak?

No, we don't have private steak.

I don't know what is private steak.

It's your penis, you know, down there, your cock.

I don't know, give me a second.

You're not using it?

Well, that's, that's, we need to, I want you to use it.

I'm sorry, sir, I'm going to figure it out, but what kind of steak would you like?

Uh, private steak, you know?

I don't know.

I don't know what it is.

Pull down your pants.

We have the ribeye steak, the carrot steak,

the cowboy steak.

Which one do you like?

Pull down your pants and look at the steak.

I'm sorry?

Pull down your pants.

Stupid.

He's over here.

Pull down your pants.

I don't know what they're talking about.

I don't know.

What does he got talking about?

We got fucking privacy issues.

He didn't quite make it, son.

You call out about a steak.

I don't know what he's talking about.

All right.

I got Elliot Bakery here.

That's another Jewish place.

Hebrew food.

That's going to be one boring type of food, that Hasidic kind of food.

Sounds very British.

Although I like some British food.

I like me a good...

I love this pretty flavorful, dude.

I heard it's very...

This is Elliot Idiot Bakery.

How can I help you?

Yes, I'll have to make an order, please.

Okay.

Are you ready?

One second.

Shit.

Excuse me?

Go ahead.

Hello?

I thought that bitch could mustard is one swear word.

That's it.

Hello, bakery.

Yes, I'd like to make an order for pickup, please.

Okay, are you going to be paying by phone?

No, well, I have a credit card.

Do I have to pay now or when I come in?

If you're ordering, you have to pay by phone.

All right, well, how about you take my order and not rush things and not be nasty?

No, that's what I'm asking because I have to ask you to get something.

Hello?

Yeah, go ahead.

Yes, what would you like to order?

All right, well, this is for pickup.

I'm going to pick up the person, and when the person gets off of the train,

the first thing I'm going to do is check them

for shoes and take their shoes off

and put them

you guys know where I'm going with this?

it really fucks her up when you go shit

and she's like what?

I have no idea

what the title of tonight's show is going to be

I didn't even hit the redial button on this

hey love bakery

yeah so I'd like to make an order for pickup please

we actually close in 15 minutes

so I don't know if I'll be ready

hello?

well what about like a bakery order

i can pick up tomorrow for the office okay uh well it'll be for baked goods baked goods yeah

the first thing do you have like a sampler package that i could give to the jewish person

that works in the office here one moment hi sir i have no time to give uh i have to close in 15

minutes what do you want to order all right well we have this stupid jewish asshole lawyer here

so i wanted to get us okay do not speak like that because i don't have time for it okay well

Well, we'll make an order, then.

Do you have a pastry, like a sampler?

Do you have, like, a sampler pack?

No.

Well, anything you can recommend?

We're going to fire his stupid Jew kike ass tomorrow.

Okay, I got to go, sir.

Is that you, Santa Claus?

I'm going to get a Jew pie, bitch.

What the fuck is a Jew pie?

Like Long B.

I should call it, I want all the girls and all the women and children on one side.

That's trying to incorporate Sophie's choice, also.

Nene said, ask her if she'll circumcise him.

That's the rabbi.

There was a special rabbi.

Isn't there a special rabbi that does it?

Yeah, ask for the rabbi on duty.

I guess there's some kind of rabbi supervision there.

Why don't I say I'm on duty?

Ask for a mohel.

I think that's...

A mohel that masturbates the children.

I'll give you one circumcised.

Hello?

Yes, Seville?

Yes.

Yes, hi.

I saw that you guys had some problems with the BBC, and I was wondering...

Why are you calling me at 6 o'clock in the morning?

This is ridiculous.

Ridiculous. Please go away.

I'm from the United States, you bitch.

She's under a lot of stress because of the whole thing.

I like him punk. You've got to make sure she was not asleep.

Hello?

Hi. How are you? I'm calling back.

Could you stop calling? It's too early.

The computer keeps calling until I ask you the question I had to put on the computer that you answered.

I know. You really need to stop.

Otherwise, you're going to find that I'm suing you.

Please go away and stop calling me.

Woman, listen. If you don't let me put the computer...

Call back.

Autodial. Autodial.

I can't control it.

The computer does it.

You need to ask her what time.

You know, it is, too, because that's going to be next.

Always concerned with time.

Yes.

Hello?

Seville?

Whee!

Come on, let's get all over.

And over and again.

Is that you, Santa Claus?

That shit's in my head.

You know what time it is.

Why, no, man.

I'm not big, man.

This is cross.

Hello?

Hello, Seville?

Seville?

Please?

All right, I'll keep you on the line because you're stupid.

Stupid. Marijuana sending in a number for us to do for a prostitute.

Big Sharon from Angel Store wondering if she can come to your Angel...

Oh, what? What? What are you talking about?

Oh, marijuana sent the number earlier. Hang on.

UK Godfather disconnected again like a stupid asshole.

We got a number for Nicole who is a wannabe prostitute machine.

All right, let's call her.

I heard a rumor that Eminem was actually making peace with those Juggalo guys

and they were going to do a song together. Did you hear about that?

I can't believe it.

I, uh, did not hear that.

Yeah.

Come on, Jay-Z and Nas made up.

I actually don't listen to Eminem.

It's an old name.

Hmm.

Well, I'm just saying.

Ken Knaff, you know.

ICP does suck.

I'm sorry.

I just can't do it.

Hello?

Nicole?

Is it Nicole?

Yeah.

Hi, how you doing?

Good.

Um, were you looking for, you know, the party or anything?

Hello?

Nicole?

Nicole, are you looking to party?

Oh, she's gone.

Never mind.

I'm talking to nobody.

Damn.

Carlito, how about the Tigers scare the Yankees tonight?

Bastards.

Did they really?

They fucking slept them.

Does A-Rod still suck?

Hello.

Yes, hi, is this Seville?

Yeah.

Hi, good morning.

I wanted to call to get your information

because I understand that you had some problem with the pedophile stuff.

I don't know what you're talking about.

The Seville family is involved in a big pedophile ring in the BBC.

Seville family?

No, what?

It's just the Seville family.

What are you talking about?

There's a big pedophile Seville ring in the BBC with the Seville family?

It has nothing to do with me.

Well, you're Seville in the United Kingdom, so you must be related.

No, I'm not.

I'm sorry, there are hundreds and thousands of Savills in the United Kingdom,

and we spell it differently anyway.

Savill, is it?

Yeah, but it's a different spelling.

Well, surely you must...

So you know what I'm talking about, this pedophile thing.

Well, of course, it's one guy.

Yeah, but you're all family.

You all know each other.

We're not all family.

Don't be ridiculous.

Where are you calling from?

Do you have children?

No.

Have you ever had children?

No.

Well,

no,

I did not.

Not very much,

at least,

I guess.

Okay,

I'll try to call him back.

I think it's going to be busy,

though.

I gotta take a poop.

Sorry,

there is nobody

to take your call

at the moment.

Oh,

yes,

there is,

you liar.

Catherine Saville.

Saville,

I guess it is,

not Saville.

Looking a little bit,

I'm going to get up

and go use the bathroom

and hopefully come back

with a little more energy,

you know what I mean?

Yes, sir.

I'm sorry we did so late of a start.

I keep apologizing, but it's bullshit.

Hello?

Hi, stupid. How are you? Is this Saville?

Yes.

Okay, yes. I wanted to understand why that your family does these pedophile things with the BBC.

You've got the wrong spelling of the name.

I'm in no way related to Jimmy Saville.

What's the clock in the morning?

Well, I'm calling from the United States News Administration,

and we have you down as being related to the pedophile.

Were you molested by your uncle?

You're just going through the phone book.

No, no, no, no.

We got this information from the United States Embassy.

No.

Were you molested by your uncle when you were younger?

We will...

She's like that.

She is rather impatient.

She's kind of hot, actually.

Hello?

Yes, Saville?

Catherine Saville?

Why are you phoning me?

Because the British government gave us your information

because you're related to the pedophile.

Wow. And we want to offer you money for your story about how you were molested, if you were molested by your uncle.

I have no uncle that's a pedophile, and you're still calling me at six in the morning, so can you stop me?

Are you single, or what are you?

Can you stop phoning me?

The computer will keep dialing until I put in the computer that you gave me an answer.

So what's your question?

Do you want to press charges against your uncle who molested you?

Or do you want to give us your story to put on the news?

I have no uncle that has molested me.

Now, what about your...

Do you have any parents that maybe spanked you or...

Can you please put me a computer that I don't want to talk to you and not call me back?

Hang on, let me see.

Give me a second.

Are you saying that you declined to sue and that you don't want us to call back?

Hello?

No.

I was going to tell her your computer doesn't accept it.

Call her back again.

Hello? Hello? Hello?

Right.

Dee Saville here.

I guess this is big news over there.

It's like the Casey Anthony of the UK.

I'd love an option for you to address Dershowitz.

We've actually had a...

Hello?

Oh, I thought I heard an answer.

Hello?

Yes, hi. Is this Saville? Dee Saville?

Do you know what time it is here?

I hear that a lot.

I'm calling from the United States News Administration.

You might well be, but it's 6 a.m. here.

I know your information was passed on by the British Embassy to us to give you a call.

There's a problem here regarding your uncle.

What?

There's a problem here regarding your uncle.

Uncle?

Yes.

We have a problem regarding your uncle.

Which is what?

Well, he's the pedophile that was involved with the BBC,

and we wanted to get a statement, see if he ever molested you.

The Saville, your uncle Saville, he was molesting children with the BBC.

There's a big ring.

My uncle is not called Saville.

I'm married to someone called Saville.

Oh, did he molest you?

Are you listening to me?

Was your husband ever molested?

Ask him if he was ever molested.

Could you ask him, please?

I had to put it in the computer.

Not.

Let me put that in here.

He's never been molested?

Listen to me.

It's a.m. here.

Uh-huh.

All right, 6 a.m., and your husband was never molested.

Let me check that out here.

No, the computer doesn't want to accept that answer.

So, obviously, can you make sure with your husband he was never molested?

Can you fuck off?

Just don't be dirty, bitch.

God damn it.

UK Ted is here.

UK Ted.

Hey, guys.

How's it going?

Hey, murderer.

How are you?

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I haven't been in for a while, but I've been listening to the podcast religiously.

Thanks for putting them out there.

It's keeping me sane.

I appreciate it.

Well, I got really upset because this guy, you said, UK Ted, oh, I'm quitting my job and I'm going to be around and all the time.

And you weren't even on Skype during all those weeks.

I know, I know.

What happened was I quit my job and then we started, we did some building work in my house and they started like 6 a.m. on the door every single fucking day.

So I just couldn't, I couldn't stay awake.

That's what you get, UK Ted.

I think I got off lightly.

The computer doesn't accept your answer.

Well, are you ready?

Are you doing the whole thing yet, the military thing, or are you still chilling?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I'm here right now, actually.

I'm just polishing boots and ironing trousers.

Oh, cool, man.

Good.

Well, good luck with that, man.

Awesome.

I saw pictures of you.

You were in the woods, and you had face paint on.

That was good.

That's probably just paintballing.

There you go, paintballing.

Very good.

Sounds fun.

Sounds like some rapist shit.

It sounds like, you know, in the United States Army, they teach you with real weapons.

Those guys over there are using paintballs.

Have you heard about this pedophile ring, UK Ted?

Jimmy Savile, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, we're calling his family and trying to figure out what's what.

Yeah, I've been listening.

It's good.

So what was he?

He was an actor?

He had a TV show or something?

I don't know.

No, it's just like a radio personality or something, and a TV show host.

hose sort of thing okay and he was doing bad things is he alive or he's dead now no he died

a little while ago actually it's like everyone was waiting for him to die before they accused him

oh my god they could have got some money well i guess they can still get money out of it so

hey carlita when you start calling people again refer to him as uncle jimmy that just sounds

fucking perverted uncle jerry yeah i guess they figured once he was dead he couldn't defend

himself so then they came out i don't know we got jerry sandusky before he died now he's going to

to be stuck in jail for the rest of his life uh you okay ted did uh uncle jimmy touch you uh no i

i asked him but i i'm just i was too old he's in a chick sticky bastard like jim stewart and the

girls like jim stewart little girls you can tell will you have sex with a 16 year old or no i'll

have sex with 16 people 16 one year olds hello savile savile shlomo jimmy nothing there let's

call katherine back from before maybe she'll be happy and we give her a few minutes okay ted how

How are you?

Hello.

That's UK Godfather, your old friend.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm talking on Skype.

Yeah, I know you.

I hear you, Smokes, mate.

No, don't worry about it.

You play Soggy Biscuit yet?

Anyway, guys, I was just catching up.

It's really good to, like I said, I'm listening to podcasts every week, but I've got to get

back to work.

All right.

Well, have fun shining your shoes and all that.

Yeah.

I'm looking forward to listening to the rest of this when it comes out on the edge.

Yes, sir.

It is an episode coming out in a few minutes, actually, so look out.

See you later.

Love you guys.

Keep the brass polished, and don't forget,

James Stood will be on the mark.

Yep.

Uncle Jimmy's dead, man.

That'd be cruel.

Yes, hello.

Hi, Saville.

Hi, yes.

I'm calling from the United States Lawsuit Administration.

I understand that your uncle Jimmy, was it?

Probably might have molested you when you were a child.

No, your information was passed on to us by the British Embassy.

You're related to the pedophile with the BBC?

I'm not related.

I'm not even saying.

It's close enough, and they were suspecting that maybe you're...

It's not close enough.

Well, I'm Cross.

I'm with the administration of lawsuits,

and we're going to offer you money if you join the lawsuit,

grandmaster lawsuit that we're doing.

No, I'm not going to join any grandmaster.

So you were never molested, you're saying, by someone else?

Or anybody.

Okay.

Thank you.

Please do not ring again.

Hang on, sir.

If I have to put it in the computer or when you hang up,

it'll call you back.

He admitted innocence.

Yes, sir.

I was trying to explain if I had to put in the computer your answer

or it'll call you back automatically.

All right.

Well, don't call me back automatically.

I can't control it.

It's a computer.

Well, give me a moment.

It's in the morning here.

Do you understand?

Yeah, I am sorry.

Let me just put it in the computer and enter it so it doesn't.

But if you hang up, it does it automatic.

I'm sorry.

So you're saying you were, what was it now?

You were not molested?

You're not involved?

Sir?

Sir, I need a straight answer, please.

Mr. Saville.

Yes.

You're saying that you weren't molested, that you weren't a part of this?

Sir, if I don't put the answer in, then the computer's going to keep calling you.

I'm putting it on now, and you can hang out and do what you like.

Hang on. I'm putting it in.

You're saying that you were molested three times, correct?

We'll keep him on the line, then.

Yeah, he was definitely molested three times.

He's got some repressed issues.

He's got repressed issues.

All right, let's go.

Uncle Jimmy may be in bed with him right now.

That's why he just put the phone down.

We're disturbing him.

Uncle Jimmy doesn't like that.

Welcome to BT answer 1571.

The person you're calling is not available.

Please leave...

No.

We've got another one here that says it's an old man that answered.

Let's call that.

Hey, you got a call back, Corey?

Who?

Corey.

Welcome to BT answer 1571.

The person you're calling is on the phone.

Good point.

Please leave a message after the tone.

It keeps trying to click and it keeps moving.

Corey Feldman, yes, thanks for reminding me of that.

Let me get that here.

here hey carlito got a new madhouse poll you could put on the site is jen in the wrong for uh

trying to bang a freshly turned 16 year old i don't know i don't want to get jen upset you know

he's very excited about this girl he says i think it'd be better off i put on there you know

don't do you think that jen deserves uh he deserves a fucking gold archery

you're guaranteed i said he's doing cold so he wanted a gin bowl hello oh is this cory feldman

huh is this cory no i'm trying to get a hold of cory this is michael bay do i have the wrong

number maybe i dialed the wrong number myself and i'm sorry if i did yeah well sorry do you

represent him or can you get me a message to him please that was cory that was that was it

that was the boyfriend the voicemail box of i guess i wonder what he calls it is this cory

Yeah, he says he doesn't take voicemails.

You've got to text him.

Smart guy.

6 to Midnight Lounge sent in a number here for a 7-Eleven.

They have Gatorade on sale.

All right.

Round the table, what's the best Gatorade?

My favorite's Lemon Lime.

Milkman?

What is it?

Your favorite Gatorade flavor.

Oh, I think that blue one, like the Arctic or the green one,

like the, what is it, Melon Berry or something?

Arctic Blue.

What about you, Ken?

Yeah, the light, frothy blue one or the green one is really good, too.

Green is good, yeah.

What about you there, Big Ken?

What do you like?

Yeah, Arctic Blue is real good.

And I asked the British guys, but I don't think they don't have Gatorade there.

That's why if you are into those type of sports drinks and you have sodium issues or high blood pressure or whatever,

Gatorade is high in sodium, but Powerade is not.

It's the one that's low in sodium with all the electric.

Good point.

Did you say Powerade?

Yeah, my doctor told me about that.

And a long, long time ago, Carly remembers when I was sick.

And every time, you know, you get sick, that's one of the things you've got to do.

You know, you've got to take the electrolytes back in.

So he told me if you don't do that, stay hydrated and electrolyte it,

and you better switch from Gatorade because he said your blood pressure is going to go high.

You know what was good?

All Sport.

Remember All Sport?

Pepsi came out with a version called All Sport.

Because Powerade is Coca-Cola's version.

Yeah, Powerade's pretty good.

Yeah, but there was All Sport was,

I don't even think they sell anymore.

I don't know.

Pepsi could be in it.

She was good.

Shaq was a spokesman for Allsport.

Does anybody here drink soda?

I do.

I quit drinking soda for a while.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Pop.

If I do, then I'll drink it at zero.

I'll do the Crystal Light most of the time.

Do you remember that soda called Surge?

Yeah, Surge is good.

I had Jolt before.

There was a good one called Jolt.

Is it the same thing?

No, no.

Surge was pure fucking sugar, dude.

Yeah, Coca-Cola came out with Surge.

They got rid of Mellow Yellow and they changed the formula a little bit

and they came out with Surge and they added like a ton of more caffeine to it.

They were trying to go after Mountain Dew.

It was only out for a few years.

You remember the commercials that you used to use Surge during the commercials?

I'd actually won a fucking alarm clock through Surge through their bottle cap thing.

And when you set the alarm and the alarm would go off, it would yell Surge really fucking loud.

Nice.

I mean, it was so crazy.

Yeah.

And to this day, the alarm clock still works.

I bet that thing is old.

And a little known fact, Surge was re-released about five years ago under a different name.

Was it?

They didn't do it in Metal Yellow, did they?

No, no, no, no.

Metal Yellow is back now.

I was going to say, because that was good shit.

No, Surge left and came back as Vault.

And you can find Vault some places still, but they're phasing it out for Mellow Yellow again.

You can burn some shots, you can still get Vault.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

Around Michigan, you can anyway.

Yeah, you know what?

Jolt Cola, it just tasted flat, man.

But, man, that way it wouldn't get you jacked up.

It had, like, what, double the caffeine or some shit?

Yeah, that was back in the day, you know, before there were energy drinks like there are now.

Oh, it was no energy drinks.

That was the only really thing there was other than, like, no-dose.

Yeah, or coffee.

Yeah, that's all, you know, because I remember when I first started going to college in the bookstore,

the college bookstore, they had Jolt Cola, and it was, you know, for students who were studying,

you know, to stay awake, you know, for finals or midterms, you know, get Jolt Cola.

And, yeah, it was just to kind of flatten stuff.

stuff and then red bull came out and after red bull it it took off red bull was the entry around

2001 i think red bull started maybe 2000 red bull started showing up and then then the rc cola down

there where you lived at in in florida in florida yeah i could find rc cola i can't find it in

pennsylvania for some reason but it was like the joke kind of reminded you of rc a little bit like

a watered down rc i don't know that's kind of what it reminded me of if you know rc is it kind of

tastes like a little bit watered down.

I guess so, yeah.

Yeah, I don't like RC either.

Just a couple seats over from Carlito.

Yeah, we get RC over here.

Yeah.

Got all kinds of different RC colas,

different flavors,

different good things like that.

Really?

Oh, that's one thing I used to like.

RCs were pretty good.

We used to get them in those glass bottles,

and then you'd get eight of them,

and you had to carry them

in a fucker's weight of ten,

and you had to carry them back

to the grocery store

to get your money back on them.

Oh, yeah, that's a long time ago, man.

You're old.

Those were the best, man,

Because they were made out of sugar back then.

Those were the best.

That's the thing when they brought back the Pro-Bake Mountain Dew,

they used real cane sugar.

Yeah.

And it tastes totally different than what you have today.

I would never drink Mountain Dew back then with just real cane sugar.

It tastes different.

If you can get all the Mexican versions, they have it now.

I think it's Pepsi is going back to a now sugar-made one.

It's all like the retro version.

That's what he said.

Throwback.

It says made with sugar.

That's what cancer said.

Well, hey, here's a little-known fact.

Twice, I think it's twice a year, you can get the Mexican version,

the sugarcane version of Coca-Cola, you can get it in the United States.

Yeah, well, we get it here all the time at the dollar store, man.

They sell it at that 99-cent store.

But listen, anywhere you are, if you ever notice when you're at the grocery store

and you look at the two liters, and for a few weeks,

you notice that the two liters of regular Coca-Cola has a yellow cap on it,

that's um that's not um uh corn fructose or whatever that's actual sugar sugar cane and

the reason for that is uh for it's what is it it's the two jewish holidays and what are they

um passover and one of the other ones there's shabbat um like for passover when passover comes

It comes along.

Go to the grocery store, and when you see the two-liter with the yellow cap,

it has sugar because Passover, you're not allowed to have corn, I guess.

But you can have sugar.

So they will make the cocoa.

They don't even announce it, but you can get the yellow cap stuff.

Look it up.

You'll see.

The yellow cap bottles.

Yeah, and it's only a few weeks a year, but I think the whole country does it.

Or just about.

It depends on the district.

They even make the seven up.

It depends on the bottler or your local bottling company,

but I think the vast majority of them in the States do that.

I give it to glass bottles, too.

Yeah.

BurgerTime is saying he's mentioning Pepsi Blue.

I really liked Pepsi Blue, man.

Pepsi Blue was a bummer.

I like the live orange.

That's some good stuff.

Yeah.

Pepsi, yeah.

Is it like a mountain?

I never tried that, though.

That's what it is, orange wire.

Yeah.

You know what was really nasty?

Pepsi, for I think two years in a row around Christmas time,

they had like a christmas version of pepsi with cinnamon in it or something like that

it was like a dark cinnamon it was bad very bad they used to sell it at target never liked it

not good live from the chat room from dunu prank show not diabetes juice all right thanks yeah

appreciate it thanks hey did you try that new uh mountain dew uh soda like revolution or whatever

it's called voltage no it's a blue shit it's pretty good uh you know what i've been doing

though i get diet mountain dew and i get my mio i got one right here i got my meals here i got

this is the orange mio i i buy these like four or five at a time i got them at work and shit

this is the orange tangerine meal it's so good but i i opened my uh my can of soda at work and

i put like a squirt or two of this orange tangerine mountain dew and you got instant

orange flavored mountain dew it's awesome oh nice oh dude yeah yeah where do you get that

What's Z-Lite at here, Mono?

I can't find it.

I've been looking for it.

Get what, the Mio?

The Z-Lite.

Z-Lite.

Oh, that's Mexican Crystal Light.

You had to get it.

I know.

You need to send me the link.

I've been looking all over the web trying to figure out where you're getting it at.

There's a guy.

I get it from eBay.

He actually knows.

Send me the link.

He'll actually, if I haven't given him my order on like a monthly basis, he'll email me.

Email me.

The guy goes to Mexico once a week, I think, or once every other week.

Nice.

And he brings them up with him.

He drives down there, and he comes back up, and he brings all the crystal, Mexican crystal light that's made with Splenda.

Yeah, it's really good.

It's really good stuff.

Yeah, it's way better.

I see some asshole in the chat room trying to fucking impersonate me as Ted Webb, you son of a bitch.

Ted Webb.

I am Ted Webb.

Yeah, we have a new Ted Webb, Ted Webb.

What's up, you're old.

Ted Webb is in the chat?

Yeah, he is.

Ted Webb.

Yeah, it is him.

Ted Webbers is here.

Ted Webbers.

all right jimmy said wait a minute jimmy said we'll fuck dead bodies as well as little girls

and but and boys holy shit i thought it was his little girls all right well jesus christ that's

horrible he was a fucking dead bodies how do you how does how does one find a dead body to

fuck do you guess you gotta know like a guy in a morgue who's into it also fucking necrophilia

God, that's nasty.

Yeah, that's pretty sick.

Jeez.

That's pretty desperate.

Fucking evil parties, guys.

Hello, is this the BBC switchboard?

That's correct.

Yes, I just found out that Jimmy Savile was also having sex with dead bodies as well as little girls.

Is that correct?

Right.

Okay.

That's correct?

That is fact.

Okay, so how do you plead, guilty or not guilty?

I don't understand why you're asking me that question.

Well, because you work for the BBC, so you're involved in this, so you're part of the ring.

I'm 14 and it didn't happen like that.

Alright, did you know about these things that were happening when they were?

Like you say, considering I'm not old enough, no.

No? Alright, and did you have a statement you want to make?

Is it true that the BBC is guilty of being this and all the employees there are guilty of being accomplices and part of this?

I do have a number you can ring. They'll be able to help you there.

No, who is it? Is it Jimmy's number? Where can I reach him at?

Considering he's dead.

Alright.

Then that would be quite impossible, wouldn't it?

Well, is his wife alive still?

I don't have a clue.

Can you find out?

I can't.

Well, he used to work there. I'm sure someone knows.

At the end of the day, like you say, I'm on your switchboard. I can give you a separate number to ring.

I don't want the other number. I want to talk to you about it.

Right, like you say, unfortunately, there's no information I can give you.

Well, you're the switchboard, right?

That's correct. I transfer people through to internal members of staff.

All right, so put me through to someone who knows about it.

Like you said, I can give you the number.

Well, I thought you'd transfer people. Why are you giving numbers out?

Because I'm an internal switchboard and the number is an external number, so unfortunately I cannot dial it.

Well, who can you transfer me to? Who's interesting there that I can talk to?

I just explained to you there, I can give you the number, they'll be able to help you.

And this is the external number for the pedophile department?

No, BBC Information Office. They'll be able to help there.

They have information on pedophiles. Hello?

Would you like the number?

No.

Well, unfortunately I'm not going to speak to you anymore.

Please?

That was stupid.

I thought that was the same guy.

I thought it was the same guy.

It wasn't.

It wasn't the same guy.

Nice fucking switchboard operation going on.

Yeah, here's an external number.

Here's the number.

Nice doing your fucking job.

Thanks a lot.

Do you have a transfer number?

Call him back and ask him about the same shit, but tell him to transfer you to Bob.

Bob knows everything that's going on.

Rachel, Chris, Lolly.

I have family looking for a small inside dog, fully housebroken and good with kids.

Preferably free.

What the fuck, man? Come on. Seriously? I want, I want, I want.

So if you have any you would like to get rid of, please text us.

Uh, I'll have to try to call instead.

Because this isn't a text show, it's a prank show.

We also got someone looking for a good but cheap printer for her laptop.

Alright, well let's call this one first.

Person looking for a dog machine.

Oh, it's been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Seven, seven, seven, seven.

Our evening began in Peter Sechell's comfortable study in his New York townhouse,

where the candlelight was just right, the hi-fi was in the background,

and the wine was delicious.

All right, let's call Penelope here.

She's looking for a printer.

Actually, I'll say it's the wine.

Mmm, that's going well.

Shut up.

Delicious again, Peter.

I've reached Penelope Cooper.

I can't come to my phone right now.

Penelope Cooper.

No answer.

I think we're out of numbers.

I'm going to call it a night.

I'm going to call it.

Hang on.

One last number.

J.I. Saville.

And this will be the last prank of the night.

It's late.

I know I said I was going to try to do it up until 2 in the morning, but I do have to work tomorrow.

I have to be responsible.

And if I'm going to go in early enough so I can take that break in the lunch, the extended lunch to listen to Stuart Jim,

then I'm going to do the right thing, guys.

Right?

Right.

two rings left

one ring left

alright we're done

alright well

there we go

I want to thank everyone

who tuned in tonight

Ken you're out of here

on your ass

good luck this week

I'd like to say that

Dirty Aaron's team

is inadequate

leaving Dirty Aaron

fucking flaccid

and hiding

this week

he's ashamed

to come on

I'm hiding like a bitch

alright see you later

thankfully

take it easy man

and Enigma

thank you man

take it easy bro

anytime

be in touch

you got it man

Good show.

Yep, thanks.

Bye.

See you.

Kokany wants me to mention that YouTube channel again.

I had messages that a couple couldn't hear the entire show.

Really?

They couldn't hear the entire show?

No, I think he's out on the road.

He hadn't told me, but just in case you don't have the best connection where he's at.

Oh, okay.

I don't know.

He said he had messages that some people couldn't hear the show.

We'll have to look into that.

uh but uh i mentioned the youtube channel where you can watch you can on the page right on the

chat page or the main page it's there or go to youtube.com madhouse radio so basically the

madhouse radio channel on youtube but we're gonna look into that that should work all right there

there's when the the new there's a new player a new flash player on the website for the shoutcast

for the madhouse dream you have to give it like five or six seconds to start playing it'll play

little intro file it plays the mouth thing and you got to give it about five seconds to buffer

i i built in a five second buffer so it doesn't skip it doesn't give as many problems but you do

have to be you have to be patient you have to give it a because if you didn't if you keep

refreshing and refreshing it's not going to ever get a chance to play um or it could just be a

problem with it we'll look into it i don't know sorry about that i do know i will mention that

we did hit listener peaks today.

I would,

we had a peak.

I caught the,

I haven't looked at the final numbers for tonight,

but I saw a listener peak of 152 listeners total among the three combined networks.

So for Blue Planet,

as well as the Mousestream and also Cacti Radio,

between the three,

we hit 152 and we've never had that much.

So I think we did a good,

even though the show wasn't that good tonight,

night um i think the uh listeners uh would uh disagree so that's good that's good we know uh

we know that we didn't lose and not many people if anybody lost the ability to tune into the show

if anything that we got more people tuning in anyway when i'm trying to say we did good

all right milkman take us out of here it's time to go all right

excellent day my brother all right well i'd like to thank everybody for tuning in

and I just really

have to thank

oh who's that

what

yeah

what'd you say

are you going

no I hear

some kind of

somebody playing

music or something

I don't know

it's kind of

I didn't

wait

sorry

I'll turn it

down

oh okay

oh it was you

I thought somebody

was talking

and playing music

alright anyway

back to the

yeah I'd like to

thank you

that's right

thank you everybody

for listening

and I'd like to

especially thank

the numbers

hitman

the lonesome

loser

that's right

I'd like to

thank everybody

all of our guests

who showed up

tonight

Don't forget, he's going to have a donkey show

No donkeys, tomorrow

Tune in tomorrow morning

And I think you'll hear Jim at his special

And I'd also like to thank everybody

That called in tonight

I'd especially like to thank

Another one of our militia members

Deathbox, done a fine job with the chat

Thank you so much for all your help

Man, we couldn't have done it without you

Carmita and everybody, and I'm sure all the users

Will agree, excellent job

And also Enigma

much thank you so much man extra gold stars going around for you guys uh the website looks very

professional very neat and uh trimmed i'm very pleased thank you so much and sabachi thank you

so much for bringing out all this cool calls man all that lost gold man he's been paying for lost

gold and stay tuned because we're going to have plenty more of them being released as time goes

on that's right like to thank everybody in our chat that's right the 98.6 them out thank you

Thank you for stopping in, everybody, over at Cacti and Syndicate and Blue Planet and everywhere else that you may be.

Thank you so much.

And I'd like to thank you, especially you, our listeners.

That's why we do this every week, the most interactive radio comedy show you can find right here on the Internet, right here in your ear balls.

That's right.

All for free.

That's right.

We drop the dime.

All we do is ask you to give the time, bring a friend, or better yet, bring an enemy, because they're always welcome right here in the Madhouse.

So don't forget, next week, same time, same bat channel.

We'll be right here at the end of my...

Oh!

We just got the intermonito, buddy!

Is it alive?

Let's get it in there!

Yes!

Intermonito!

Gracias.

Thank you, my brother, for all your fun and patience.

And thanks for coming on tonight, man.

Over to you.

Thank you.

All right, thanks to everyone who Milkman said.

All the team behind the new manhouse rollout.

Lonesome Loser, everyone who sent in requests for pranks.

We're good.

Thanks, Milkman.

Thanks, Jen, Stuart, Ken, Enigma, and everyone else who was on the Skype.

UK Godfather, UK 10-Minute Appearance tonight.

I'm saying that to everybody.

Anyway, well, we're done.

Yeah, we'll catch you here next week.

Podcast is going to be out.

It'll be ready by tomorrow morning.

So look forward to updating your iTunes, et cetera, getting your podcast fixed.

The rest of the episodes will release over the weekend.

We'll be caught up here, hopefully, once again.

Looking forward to that.

All right.

See you guys later.

We'll catch you next week.

Be sure to listen to Gen Story tomorrow.

Bye.

Oh, before I forget, make sure you register for your Madhouse username on the Madhouse site.

If you haven't already, post in the forums, post some comments, and stick around.

We've got a lot more surprises coming.

Bye.

We're not playing games here.

I fucked you.

Son of a bitch, you.

You're calling us white cats?

You little motherfucker.

I'm going to be down at that store.

I don't know who you think you're talking to.

You dopehead motherfucker.

Madhouse Radio is live.

And they call them Muppets, which is a British term that means stupid, ignorant person.

He’s Not My Uncle – 10/18/12 Show

Calls (25, 1 h 5 min of 2 h 32 min)

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