Hurricane Scared Show

Listen, man, you calling me a fucking pranker or what?

I don't understand you.

No, I'm...

Are you fucking talking about jerking off on my daughter?

Are you fucking retarded?

Are you fucking mental?

I really like that.

Are you fucking stupid?

You dumb motherfucking faggot?

I like the fucking movie.

Fuck you, you fucking dumb fuck.

Can I eat one of your wedding pictures so I can put you inside of me?

I'm not playing no fucking games, man.

I, I fuck you, son of a bitch.

Stop making us get to cutting.

You're out of your crazy mind.

You ain't getting no goddamn dollars.

I'll fuck you all my life long.

Just my perfect.

Why don't you piss off?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

Hi, I'm Carlito.

I am going to do prank calls because the hurricane is coming and I'm scared.

Thank you.

What Jack said.

I'm Carlito.

There's a hurricane coming and I'm scared.

So I decided I wanted to do prank calls in order not to be scared anymore.

Live.

Give me a second while I let everyone who I can possibly let know.

Then I'm on live.

No, then I'm on live.

Then I'm going to do some prank calls.

Thank you very much.

Give yourself a pat on the back.

Anybody who wants to join me, hit me up on Skype.

Madhouse.radio.

Madhouse.radio on Skype.

Thank you.

Wow, geez.

It's a Google Hangout that started playing on its own without permission.

How inconvenient.

That's the real drag, man.

That's why this is of utmost importance.

When the tree falls on top of me, this will be the last Madhouse Radio ever.

So tell all your friends.

this might be the end my only friend the end i gotta open one more thing and then we can start

doing prank calls standby thank you all right good i'm going on a google maps and find some

people to call let's call hotels in philadelphia where i'm scared scared of the situation can you

dig that cool man i feel like creed from the office talking like that cool beans man calling

someone else instead hello bro but i'm trying to post your picture on your facebook my picture

sure the horse guy yeah that's funny horse guy running around i want to say that was jersey

where was it uh washington was it i think so one of those towns that guy was awesome

and the the feed i saw it was awesome because the the reporter lady who was there was laughing

she thought it was funny what i'm saying was a there was a shirtless man and a horse mask

running down the street in a flooded i got a funny screen i got a funny screen cat and it

of looked funny. It's a street beat for Madhouse right now.

Good evening. Thank you for calling the Ritz-Carlton Philadelphia. How may I assist you?

Hi. I'm scared of this storm. I'm a tourist and I don't know

if you have somewhere that I could stay. Absolutely. Please allow me to extend you to

reservations. Okay. Thank you for calling room reservations.

Hello? Yes, hello? Yes, this is the

location on Avenue of the Farts? Yes. I'm stuck in

Pennsylvania and Philadelphia

and I got out of the airport

and they closed the airport behind me

and there's no taxis to pick me up.

They kick me out of the airport.

Reservations at our property?

No, I have reservations

and they canceled them on me because of the storm.

I'm out in the street now

and it's very windy

and I'm scared.

No, no, I need help.

I don't have reservations at your hotel.

I have reservations

at a different hotel.

but they refuse to give me service, and I need someone to come rescue me.

Well, we could certainly arrange for a reservation on our property

since we do still have rooms available.

I'm sure the concierge will be able to at least discuss with the concierge

if there's a way that they can have some range to have you picked up.

Can I speak to the concierge because I have a private concern

that I need to get taken care of before they pick me up?

Okay, could I confirm the nature of the request?

Well, I need him to bring me an article of clothing that I lost.

It's a private, my pants, my trousers, and one of my shoes are gone.

And so we need to have some sort of brought out?

What happened was that my flight got canceled.

I wanted a flight to Charlotte, and I had a layover in Philadelphia,

and the airport closed because of the hurricane earlier.

And then they were going to let me take shelter with the other passengers in the airport.

Well, then I went to the restroom, and a man sat next to me in the stall,

and I thought I was just curious, and he was tapping his foot and everything.

And then I did something.

I tried to open his stall, and he got upset, and he pushed me.

And he said, what do you think this is?

and I thought he was coming on to me, you know.

But anyway, so he grabbed my pants and he pushed me outside the door

and one of my shoes stayed in the bathroom and I had just one shoe

and then he grabbed my pants and he threw them at me when I was outside.

And when I went to get the pants, they flew away

because one of the guys still wins the game.

It took away my pants.

Over the fence.

Over where the airplanes are.

I need a size 56 black trousers.

And I need this before you come pick me up because I can't be walking around in my underwear.

Yes, and it's cold out and everything.

Okay, thank you.

Thank you.

I didn't know he was going to stand for the whole story.

You're on brief, Hull.

You're on your brief.

Hold your briefs.

You might lose them to the wind.

I'm just imagining poor Jack

trying to run after his pants.

I know, I'm trying not to. I thought they cut in then.

Just imagine his pants like

billowing up like they're balloons, you know?

At the legs.

He's like,

And then a bird got them or something.

Well, they went over the fence

where the planes are, so.

his pants are on the tarmac

no

he tried to run but he didn't get very far

he rolled a little bit

waddled

I see the pic that you put up of Horseman

that's awesome

he looks so dry up and it's like yeah

fuck this

I won the race motherfucker

meanwhile his house is underwater

what can you do

a horse wouldn't understand that

a real horse would just be happy

like him

I'm...

Yay, I'm alive.

I'm a horse.

He probably, like, got into his entire stash and just went like, oh, well.

Man, if I'm a horse, I don't have any problems.

He's got a real big nose I need to fill.

If I put this mask on, I'll be a horse.

And I'm going to start from scratch.

Let's go.

New life.

I'm getting that answer right now.

He put shorts on, at least.

He didn't, like...

It was another, like, Jack Masterson with no pants on.

And one shoe.

He wasn't like, I'm going to completely be a horse and go out and make it.

That would be kind of funny on the nude.

He went out nude on the news.

Nice.

And hit the little thing off.

So let me get this right.

Jack's story, just to recap, everyone who's just joining us.

56-inch waist Jack Masterson was on a flight to Charlotte.

Had a layover in Philly.

Airport closed because of the hurricane.

I keep talking so just in case he comes back.

They said he could shelter in the airport because they canceled his flight.

he goes into the men's room sees the guy tapping his foot and tries to do the glory hole with him

the other guy goes to gay bash him throws his pushes him pushes him outside the airport as he

forgets one of his shoes in the stall and throws his pants out into the wind and our friend jack's

been outside of the airport where it's cold and rainy and windy just watching his pants float

around i imagine him with a nice sports jacket on the white shirt and tie just a pair of tiny

Whitey Whitey's in one nice shoe

and a sock.

Raising his fat fists to the air

going,

Why?

It's always me.

It's always poor Jack.

How come Jack can't get a break?

We're going to have to do something else in the meantime.

This is taking way too long.

He's trying to get you pants.

They're trying to get you pants in your size.

Story of my life.

Tabachi already lost his power.

Did you know that? He did.

I know you're not a Tabachi fan.

probably out like trying to start a wood fire now outside the boy scouts out there yeah i'm

connecting him now i'm sorry my cat wants to co-host you to see me out of here what's up big

cat hello hello hey how you doing hey mr t hey guys what's up nothing he's like oh a female

i know that is why'd you lose power all right yeah why'd you break the power you know why'd

you why'd you mess that up why'd you hack the grid the smart grid i don't know how you get

I don't know how you get power there.

What do you have?

Hydro?

Nuclear, I think.

Clear?

Yeah, he's gone.

He's in a bad area.

Nuclear.

I don't know.

Nuclear.

Sound it out.

Nuclear.

All right, I just got lost in something here.

Let's call the Omni Hotel instead.

Let's call something different.

What else will be open?

What are things that are open in a hurricane?

Dark Stranger.

Hotels.

What else?

Who else needs to be open?

Circle K.

green things are afoot

let's see

I'm sure there's a 7-Eleven open here

I'm sure little corner stores are open

the hajimarts

people that need to buy pop tarts

I hear pop tarts are one of the

popular things to buy

oh yeah and with good reason

they're tasty

you know they have no nutrition of value

I swear

it's really bad for you

it's like eating the cardboard

you could eat the cardboard

cardboard with lots of sugar on just just put dip the cardboard and icing and you'd be fine

yeah you should probably just have ice cream if you're gonna have a pop tart let's have ice cream

for breakfast that doesn't sound as good anyway um we'll keep that guy on hold i'm gonna call

7-eleven see if they're open have corporate send him home i'm not good at this is corporate calls

just ask for a survey for all the people that need to go out and buy beer and things

No, I want to send them home.

It's a necessity.

Oh, you're going to send them home?

Yeah.

Hello?

I apologize for the long wait.

I've spoken with our front office staff,

and unfortunately at the moment we're not able to arrange for transfers anymore.

The ground transport office at the airport may be able to provide some more information,

but we don't have any transfer services that are available at the moment.

Well, they won't talk to me.

They won't talk to me at all.

they kicked me out of the airport and the man the policeman he went to the door i i knocked on the

door because i didn't have any pants on and there were these girls that were laughing at me that had

gone outside to smoke cigarettes and they were laughing at me because of my pants and i they

closed the door when i knocked on the door and the policeman came up and he said hey he was like

hey stupid asshole and i was like i'm sorry you know and i think what happened i explained that

at the man in the bathroom um he threw my pants outside the into the wind and he locked me out

and he said that no that if he saw me again that he was going to have me arrested and to get off

his get out of his airport he said like that and he he pushed me with like his three fingers he put

him in my in like my shoulder blade and he said like he said like that he said my airport he said

get out of my airport and i said where am i supposed to go and he said call the rich carlton

Carlton, call the Rich Carlton, that's what he said, and he closed the door.

So the police sent me to you to get picked up then.

Well, he already said he won't call, if I go up to the door again, he's going to have me arrested, he said,

because he said he's going to get me on indecency.

And he was even laughing with the girls that were laughing at me, and I was just asking for help.

And they have pants there inside the airport.

They have a whole clothing store and everything in the airport.

Hello?

Yes, unfortunately, I've spoken with our front desk manager.

We don't have a way right now of sending out a transfer to the airport.

Can I just speak to the front end manager?

I'd be happy to see if they're able to take the call.

Please.

You can't leave me here.

You understand what I'm talking about.

It's cold and it's windy and I have no pants on.

7-Eleven answered it right at the same time.

Domination against fat people.

Went to the cop and the girls were laughing at him together.

Like, just bully a jack around.

He's like, I need help.

What the fuck are you doing?

Get out of here.

No pants on.

Get out of my airport.

Get out of here, Lardo.

If I see you again, I'm going to have you arrested for indecency.

I'm a fat people.

He's like, slam.

Slaps the air.

Like the airport just has one door.

Push you out of the way with, like, that cattle catcher thing in front of the cop cars.

Roll on out.

Money pants.

Please.

Oh, I'll get pavement burn.

Road rash.

I can just imagine

the little arms flopping

like

oh Jack

it goes well

with this music

yeah

I forget his

poor life

trying that 7-Eleven again

he's gonna pick up

hello yes

this is Corey

this is Corey Booker

at corporate

is this the location

yeah

and you guys

are still open

how many guys

you have on staff

right now

yeah

two of us

alright go ahead

and close down

please urgent

I just need you to close down and go home, please.

We need you to close down and go home because of the storm.

Who is it?

This is Corey.

Corey Booker from corporate.

Corey Booker?

Yeah, from corporate.

Yeah, we just need you guys to close down as soon as you can and get out.

What's wrong with that?

Well, because the store shouldn't be open because of the storm.

There's a storm going on.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Do you know what was the market, store market?

The stock market?

Can you tell me the store market?

Yeah.

The stock market is in New York City.

The store market.

What's the number?

Yeah, what's our store number?

Uh, I don't know.

That's why I was asking you.

Yeah, if you call from the company, that means you know what's our store number.

No, no, I don't.

I don't.

You don't?

No, no, no.

Stop lying, dude.

Well, you don't have store numbers.

I know you have store ID.

Store ID?

Yeah.

You're telling me that?

Yeah, it's store.

Yo.

Yo, what's up, man?

Go to sleep, man.

Yo, man, you got that white widow?

Huh?

You got that white widow?

Who?

You know that white widow?

You got that there?

Yo, just play with your Skype.

Don't bother us, all right?

How did you know I'm on Skype?

Hey, man.

Shit, yo.

This is KDK.

I'm with kdkprankcalls.com.

Yeah.

Hey, look me up, man.

I do prank calls all the time.

It's called kdkprankcalls.com.

Prank call.

Yeah, KDK Pranks.

I'm the number three prank caller on the Internet.

Call somebody else.

I was on Howard Stern once.

Do you know Howard Stern?

I'm from Howard Stern.

I'm on the show.

Oh, yeah, that's your brother?

Yo, I'm too busy right now, okay?

Hey, man.

I'll see you in the hell, all right?

In the hell.

All right, man.

I'll see you there.

Because I'm going there because I'm gay.

All right, see you.

Bye.

Now we need store numbers.

Trying to find the store numbers now.

Store numbers, yeah.

Yeah, all right, good.

Where?

Maybe there's a listing.

Fuck you telling me I live in Canada.

I hate how things automatically do that.

I'm going to look, see on the website, see if it lets you.

That's what I'm trying to do.

Yeah.

There's a lot of shit on here.

I don't see store numbers.

No.

Oh, yeah, the store numbers are on here.

Yay!

1-9-6-4-2.

Give me a link.

Which one were we on?

Their store number is...

Well, I can't call them again because the guy's mean.

All right, I'll give you another one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In Philly, in Philly.

All right, dear.

I'm going to call you dear like we're an old married couple.

Huh?

All right, dear.

Huh?

That's what I keep saying.

What?

Huh?

We don't even have 7-Eleven where I live.

We just got Circle K's.

Wow, man.

80s style yeah sir okay so 80s i can be like a little kid and call them and they're like

there's something a stranger for it i'm like what der just gonna dial think of the circuit

serve there we go and they lock up the beer coolers and stuff nearly oh yeah hi this is

cross i'm coming from corporate is this stored number i've got you down yo who you're calling

I'll call it for you.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

No, this is number 007.

Number 007.

Yeah, you know John?

No, don't play around.

Seriously, it's a story thing.

He's a fucking liar, man.

Just close your phone or I'll call the cops right now to track you down.

Yeah.

All right?

They're going to believe you.

They're going to believe a Mexican that lives in the ghetto.

They're going to come out to you real fast, I'm sure, to help you out.

Oh, yeah?

For what?

Yeah.

Yeah, you're the ethnicity that all the cops come out to help out really fast

when you call for help.

They're going to make big attention to you.

You're not white.

You're an animal.

Just go back to sleep, man.

You're sleeping.

You're an animal.

Yeah, man.

No, it wasn't the same one.

It sounded like them to me.

No, it's not.

They're all different.

Holy shit.

They all sound the same to me.

I have to go for about five minutes, but I'll paste like two or three more.

Oh.

Could you just give me the link to the Patreon?

Duh.

I'm a fucking idiot.

Seriously.

I'll be back in like two seconds.

All right, bye.

Still got power.

That's good, man.

Power's good.

I'm one of the haves.

Not the have-nots.

Kept that stupid thing on.

No, I won't leave a message after the tone.

There's another one that's not answering.

Hey, man.

You watching the game?

What game?

Monday Night Football.

Oh, no, I'm not.

No, I told you.

It's 0-0 right now.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

man that sucks how did you do this week in fantasy football well i had romo so apart from the four

picks he put up yeah no no i didn't mean to do it zyklon you there hello hello he's supposed to be

connected to this call zyklon come on come on zyklon breathe breathe zyklon breathe breathe

but yeah i got romo and witton so together that's like 80 points man i didn't even look to see i

know i thought i was getting my ass kicked so i don't know how good or not i did during this

This week's game.

Oh, it's like a real show.

You're talking about sports.

No, this guy came on.

You know who I'm talking about.

Zyklon.

Yeah, that guy.

Super cool, nice guy.

Okay, let me hang up a recall.

Okay.

What's up with Zyklon?

Zyklon's confusing me.

I think he was listening to two things.

I think so.

Zyklon, turn everything off.

I'm going to call him.

Just good.

That's all you need, buddy.

Going.

Gone.

He's going up a level, if that's possible.

Man, Nuno's going to be pissed when he knows you missed this show.

Not a show.

I really don't care.

No, no.

Yeah, hi.

This is the 7-Eleven on...

Okay, I'm sorry to bother you.

How many do you have on staff right now?

I'm calling...

This is Doug with Corporate.

How many what?

How many do you have on staff right now?

Two.

Are you getting anybody coming in?

The computer doesn't show that you've had anything really going on for the last hour or so.

Oh, yeah.

Do you guys want to just go ahead and leave?

because it's not it's looking really bad right now it's looking really bad out there right now

and i don't i don't think you guys should be out there in a street you know by yourselves in that

store i think you guys should maybe just go ahead and go home this is number two six one seven nine

according to the computer is that the right one yeah all right i'm gonna put that down two six

one no well can you wait a minute okay no well he no this is corporate we're just you know we put a

made a report of all the

locations that need to go ahead and close down.

Yours came up.

Okay, so let me call them.

The computer makes

a big report, you see?

And then on the report, it comes up

that these stores have nothing going on.

It's not going down.

And it's...

The store, it's really bad outside, right?

The weather's bad right now.

No, it's not bad.

You don't want to be out in that, you know?

When it gets really...

It's going to get really bad.

You know, and then what we're scared is that the people are going to go into the stores

and they break the store down and they steal everything from the store.

I think that's what's going to happen.

You know, I was here with the CEO and some of the board members,

and we said we should send some of the people in Philadelphia home just for this to be safe.

Okay.

It's, you know, it's a state of emergency.

Yeah, yeah.

Think about your mom and dad.

you have mother and sisters and all that you know you don't want you don't want to be you know hurt

or anything i don't want yeah yeah i don't want to be no i don't want that i don't want that i

don't want you to be hurt you know i'd go down there i'd feel so bad if you got hurt i'm liable

to hurt myself yeah

just close the door, yeah, and no more customers.

Tell everyone to get out right now.

Well, do you want to leave or no?

Yeah, okay, just stay inside, and if you want to have something to eat or something to drink, you go ahead, all right?

All right, no problem.

Be safe, and if anything happens, give us a call back.

Take it easy. See you later.

Party on. Employee Appreciation Day.

I'll flee the hurricane.

He probably is going to go ahead and open the six-pack.

Hey, best way to write it out.

Whoops, we broke it.

Looking for another 7-Eleven here that we haven't called yet.

Do you have that handled, or will I look up numbers?

I can kind of do it.

All right, fine.

I can kind of do it.

I'll just go make sandwiches.

Yes, do so.

I'm hungry.

Make me a spam sandwich.

Move to Hawaii.

That's spam.

That's what I got from the store.

Here's the thing, though, is that you know how in the Pacific they have typhoons?

Yeah.

I wonder if Charlie's ever got hit by one.

Oh, yeah, totally.

Hello?

Yes, hi, sir.

I don't know if we spoke earlier.

here is this number oh yeah yeah okay okay hi yeah that's why i was a little confused there's

two of you guys have another location a little bit up the way right okay yeah okay i'm sorry

about that hey how you guys doing this is brad i'm from corporate yeah yeah uh is the weather

too bad right now hello is the weather is the weather going bad right now this is brad from

the corporate office 7-eleven corporate okay uh everything all right right now they still have

power we're having some problems the computers are coming in and out uh like i don't know if

the this the network's a little down maybe because of the storm or if you've lost power

anything is everything all right yeah everything all right in here yeah and do you have just two

on staff right now or uh what you mean how many do you just have the two of you on staff right

now or what's going on uh so far so good is i have in here same inside store uh-huh you haven't had

You haven't had any customers coming in, right?

The computer doesn't show much revenue.

Yeah, yeah.

I have this, yeah, like, you know, just a little bit of customer, uh-huh.

All right, listen, you guys want to go ahead and close down, just close for the night,

because it's getting really bad out there, and we don't want anything bad to happen to you.

Uh-huh.

You know, I want to thank you guys for going out there, but, you know,

don't you want to be home with your family or something?

Yeah.

Yeah, go ahead.

You said it's just you and one other guy, or how many people are there?

Two people, two person in here.

You, okay.

Me and my friend, yeah.

All right, go ahead.

Let's go ahead and just close down because the situation is, it's pretty, it's getting bad out there, you know.

Uh-uh.

Okay, so close this until tomorrow what?

Until tomorrow morning, yeah.

Do you have, do you know when the next shift comes in, when morning shift?

The morning shift is already come, that's why this.

Okay.

Okay, yeah, we'll go ahead until tomorrow afternoon shift, I think.

Tomorrow afternoon, okay.

Yeah, all right, and just take it.

Are you going to stay in the store, or did you want to go home?

Did you want to stay in the store?

I'm going home, yeah.

All right, if you want to stay in the store and you want anything to eat or drink

or if you need to take anything home for your family for the storm,

go ahead and take a few drinks, a few sodas, any food there,

any chips

or any bottles of water

stuff like that

go ahead no problem

alright

alright thank you so much

alright no problem

be careful alright

and if anything

give us a call

alright we're praying for you

ok

alright take it easy

thanks for coming in

goodnight

see you later

goodnight

you too bye

there's another one

I like that

tell them to bring beer home

bring beer home

for your family

your babies

get them started early

I just like how

they're going to be

incredulous

against them

like what

you closed down

why

Why are you closed?

Oh, boy.

I'm getting bored already.

Call something else.

Check on all your friends that, like, had to live through the storm.

I don't have any friends.

All I have is to botch them.

I mean your prank friends.

My prank friends?

Charlie or something.

Probably closed, though, hey?

Well, he's in Hawaii, so...

Yeah, Charlie would be open.

Let's call Charlie.

And also, San Francisco just scored, so it's 7-0.

And four points for Frank Gore, so I hope you started him.

yeah yeah i started i think he's my only player tonight what's what what is my hang on let me look

here real quick let's see how i'm doing yeah who are you playing playing arty oh dude i'm only down

by one point fucker yeah motherfucker yeah actually according to this it says you're winning

by three oh maybe just updated because you saw yeah i just updated oh yeah it goes off the actual

rather than the projected yes you're down by one point one point but i got frank gore in right now

and I got Cardinals D

also. Did you see the Cowboys

game last night? Uh, no.

No, I didn't. Uh, one

inch was all that separated

a, was all that

New York won by.

Nice. Because his

like, one inch of

Des Bryant's fingertips were out of bounds

when he made a

end zone catch that would have put Dallas

in the lead with six points to go.

Six seconds to go. Alright, so you did not

capitalize on that there you go yeah it would be it was a crazy finish though that's good games

like that are good hey let's do a prank call it's called charlie oh you did say call charlie

thank you yeah now i got bad and i'm scared that one of those guys is gonna go try to go home in

bad weather and get an accident and they're gonna track me down you never want to die this young

this man never pranked them and sent them home or what you could do is like call 7-eleven say that

that there is a hurricane sale, like 75% off everything.

It's a state of emergency, so all the water is free and all the food is free.

We could call, like, Canoe Ads or something on Craigslist and say we need it right now.

Yes, hi, is this 7-Eleven number 23776?

Hello?

Huh?

Oh, Charlie, is this Charlie?

Yes.

Charlie, I forgot what I was doing.

Hey, it's Bildo.

Listen, there's a hurricane coming.

Do you have any, like, recommendations for typhoons and hurricanes?

Can you say that again?

Yeah, do you know Typhoons?

I'm calling from the National Typhoon Center.

You know when a typhoon's coming, do your birds act differently at all?

You know how you have birds?

Hello?

Hey.

What are you talking about?

You're stupid birds.

You have a lot of birds, right?

I went to your restaurant.

You had a bird in the restaurant.

No, no, no.

You have a bird that you have on your shoulder, right?

A bird?

What are you talking about?

I'm calling from the street, okay?

okay listen you have a bird that you keep you i went to the store and you had a bird and you

were holding a bird a parrot and the bird to us taking a shit everywhere it took a shit on your

back on the table in the food you remember charlie charlie gone charlie's gone what's going on what's

this bird's name can we just call back and ask for the bird i don't know i don't know the bird's

name tell you i don't know sorry hey i gotta go check on something real quick in the kitchen if

if you don't mind. I don't want to burn something.

I need to play a prank call and be right back.

Hot in the kitchen. Alright.

Isn't that Athena's job?

Oh, yeah. She does her job around here.

God, Carlito, we were bad-mouthing

Tombstone because we thought we were muted.

Yeah, we did know that we were

talking over the prank.

No one's listening.

Tombstone has some brilliant

idea, which we're not going to tell you.

No? Hey, Sporty Board,

if you want us to join, give us

PM Carlito the coffee shop number.

He wants us to look for a free fridge or something.

A free fridge?

If he thinks it's hilarious.

Okay.

Alright, let's see here.

Everything in the fridge is free at the hotel?

Actually, that would be good.

Maybe we'll call a hotel and try to do something pranknet-ish to him.

What do you mean pranknet-ish?

Like get them to break a window or something like that.

Oh my goodness.

I know.

I've been drinking.

No, you were serious.

It's okay.

You're dirty.

You're a dirty pranker.

Who are you calling?

Hotel.

Okay, I'm mute.

We're doing dirty pranking.

That's the sound of a hurricane.

Sounds like Q-Bert.

Hello.

Leave a message after the tone.

Oh, yeah, they're not there.

Yeah, hi, I need baby formula.

I need baby formula.

This is going to be my saying when I call people.

I need baby formula.

Are we on everybody's voicemail?

We're on nobody's voicemail right now.

That's nice.

So Carlito

I am currently patching

The open beta for MechWarrior

Online

Patch it good

Tombstone's calling in

Hello

Hi

What's the prize

No it's not Tombstone

No

You sound even creepier

Big Cobra

MPSA Cobra

That guy

Yeah.

Wow, Nipasa Cobra.

What's up?

Yeah.

Hola.

Give me a store that's open in New York so I can practice.

Fucking A.

All right, let me find one.

I've got a funny Craigslist ad.

Yeah?

Yeah, what is it?

Here, let me post the number now.

Is it in the hurricane zone?

Oh, wait.

I sent you the number.

I'm sorry.

Go ahead.

You first.

Yours is important.

I don't care who goes first.

Go.

It's a floating beer chair, which would be fun to float around the storm.

Okay.

It's an inflatable chair.

Nice.

Hey, do you still have that number that I PMed you

that was for that crisis line that they gave out here on TV?

I shall find it.

No, I don't want any stuff.

Oh, I got it.

Never mind.

Sorry.

Oh, well, fine then.

Be that way.

They said it's 24-7 crisis counselors for Pennsylvanians

who are afraid of the hurricane

or going through anxiety due to the storm.

It's called the Disaster Distress Hotline,

and they're open now being staffed.

Hmm, I'm really thinking we should, like, should we call this or should we not call this?

No, let's call it.

Just don't be stupid.

Yes, people in distress are crazy anyway.

No, I can't swim.

You have reached the distress helpline.

We are here to support anyone in emotional distress.

Tell them you're in, like, an inch of water and you can't swim.

Please stay on the line.

No.

And someone will be with you in a moment.

Okay.

Tell them you're distressed because it's the anniversary of Bob Ross's death.

That was, hello?

Oh, here we go.

I always painting.

anything. I should be happy. All of our clinicians are currently with other callers. Call is

on the line and your call will be answered in the order it was received.

You need to tell them you lost your pet in the wind. That's very, very distressing.

Hello, Disaster Distress Helpline. This is Walter.

Yeah, hi Walter. I'm distressed because this guy was just fighting with me at the airport

and he took my pants and he threw them into the wind and they flew away over the fence.

They kicked me. They said if I come back, I'm going to be in big trouble.

And they were laughing at me and these girls and the policemen were laughing at me.

Okay, I'm not sure how you want me to help you with that. I mean, this is a shelter.

I need a shelter, but I need a pair of pants. I need to come pick me up with a pair of pants.

Where are you right now?

I'm on the side of the Philadelphia airport.

Uh, what's...

In Pennsylvania, Philadelphia.

What do you mean, what state am I in?

The national hotline?

Well, they said it was Pennsylvania hotline.

I don't want to deal with you Yankees.

Where are you from?

I'm from the West Coast.

Send me a pair of pants immediately.

We can't do that.

I need a pair of pants.

Don't you understand?

I'm not wearing my underwear in a hurricane.

Okay, I can't help you with that, but I can help you towards a shelter, though.

They might have something for you at a shelter.

They said they won't accept me at the shelter unless I have pants on.

When they threw my pants away, the bullies were like,

good luck finding a shelter, and they threw my pants in the wind.

Well, it's the Red Cross.

I'm sure the Red Cross will have a blanket or something.

The Salvation Army will have pants.

Well, they're not going to be open.

Well, of course they're.

Look them up and give them a call for me.

I can't do that.

I can give you the number for the American Red Cross.

I'm in a state of emergency.

Yeah.

Do you want the number for the Red Cross?

No.

Okay.

I want the number for pants.

Pants in the wind

Pants on the flow

Go around with your pants on the flow

Pants in the wind

Power's out for 2.2 million people

Oh yeah, Carlita

Oh man

I dropped my cap from my pad

Shit

Now you can't do Jack Baskerson

without marking up your mouth

It's a yellow highlighter, but I don't want it to go dry, man

But yeah, Carlita, do you have any questions

about what we were talking about last week?

What?

What were we talking about last week?

We were talking about home protection.

Home protection.

Yeah.

Ask him in Skype chat.

It's easier for me to link stuff there rather than say things.

Okay.

Or you can ask him and I'll link your stuff.

Hmm.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

I kind of followed, but I was just more concerned with my...

You need to keep more pen tops around.

Well, it's just highlighters.

They don't just...

What are you talking about?

Hey, kitty.

You have a cat, too?

Jerk.

he's sniffing my hand

I don't think he has a cat

oh my gosh where's your hand been

stay away kitty

the two in a hole

alright so

sounds like a sleazy bird

with a corselets

corselets

corselite because I saw jets

corselite blow up chair

ask if they have like a corselite

blow up doll in Long Island

Long Island's getting hit too

Dude, they got a big storm surge machine.

Oh, yeah, Log Island's bad.

They're going to get a storm surge.

I mean, the whole big problem with this storm is that it's hitting places that just are not prepared for hurricanes.

Yeah.

Mafia wants to call us.

Like, you're in Florida.

I mean, what type of hurricane preparations do you all do?

I'm not in Florida anymore.

I'm stupid Pennsylvanian.

Well, when you were in Florida.

Oh, when?

Oh, dude, yeah, man.

I mean, you're from Florida.

yeah we got we had a hurricane shutters that were already pre-sized for the house so

me and my old man would go out there with the the screwdriver drill thing and we put them up

around all the windows and uh we fill up our uh let's see my my dad and this is when i have a

house i eventually want to do this but my dad like in the in the garage he always had you know

those those big ass gallon uh water water container things water dispenser you know it's like five

gallons more than that isn't it it's a whole bunch of you know what i'm talking about the

kind you mean like a huge huge bucket not really a bucket no it's not a bucket it's like the yeah

you know that people end up using to keep their change in right next to that and they take it to

the bank to get counted you know i'm talking about big anyway so he used to keep like five or six of

those on hand and he just rotate them out so we always had the water so that was never a problem

them and yeah just buy enough you know you know i got this stuff now just you get a few cans of

of meated stuff and you get a jar of peanut butter and a loaf of bread and you're good

other than that you're good a box of cereal it's all you need for hurricane man if you don't have

kids it's mad simple you need to get all wound up whatever if you do have kids then what do you

have to deal with you gotta deal with a bunch of kids you gotta entertain the fuckers you know

You're going to train the little assholes?

Because there's no Nintendo anymore?

So what are you going to do now?

Now what are you going to do?

Rip your balls off.

That's what you're going to do.

I don't know.

I don't want to have kids during a hurricane.

I'd just run.

Go away.

I'd go in a hotel.

You're your wife.

Yeah.

Take care of them.

Give the kids to the women.

The number you have dialed is not valid.

Please check the number and dial again.

Who sent me that number?

Skype.

Did you Skype it?

Maybe I copied it wrong?

No.

You sent the link.

Here we go.

I forgot a digit.

Here we go.

Say, yell at yourself.

Yep.

I deserve that.

I'm going to take your highlighter top away.

I really can't find it.

It fell to the ground.

It disappeared forever.

Now, he might be using it to, like, float around the city.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

Is this the guy that's got the blow-up chairs for sale?

Yes, I am.

Yeah, can I go ahead and pick that up?

I'm going to need those here.

We're right on the coast,

and I think we're going to need a few inflatable things before the storm.

before the storm the storm already hit yeah but i mean the water's starting to come up so i thought

maybe i give you a few bucks and you let me have that well you can come and get them you want to

swim over well i can't i mean i've got we got a canoe but we like the chair because what we want

to do is we want to put some blow-up furniture inside the house so we can stay here but it's

gonna be real chill you know we're gonna be floating around we got you got the canoe in

the house we got two inflatable beds from camping and we're gonna sleep on that and then uh yeah

Yeah, we got an inflatable couch that we got.

And then with the inflatable chair, it would be good.

And my wife can sit her fat ass on the couch.

I don't blame you.

Yeah, and I'll take the chair, you know.

And then all we need after that, all we need is like an inflatable TV.

Boy, where are you from, man?

What part of town?

Oh, where am I?

Let me see here.

Well, you know, have you ever heard of Adventures in Computers?

What is that?

It's my business.

It's also Get in Space.

Get in Space.

No, what town are you in?

It's in Long Island.

See, I'm from Florida originally.

That's why I didn't know how to prepare for this whole thing.

You should know better.

No, I got over here to get away from it, you know, and now I'm screwed.

Yeah, I don't know what I'm going to do.

I didn't prepare at all.

I didn't watch the local news.

I still watch the news in Florida on the Internet and everything.

I'm on East Penn Street, 234 East Penn Street.

I have no clue where that is.

What town is that?

That's Long Beach.

Get in space.

Oh, Long Beach.

Forget it.

Long Beach is flooded.

No, but you said you're in Long Beach.

I'm not in Long Beach.

Long Beach, it says on the computer here.

Yeah, sure it does.

No, I'm not in Long Beach.

I'm in Baldwin.

I don't care what the computer says.

I'm in Baldwin.

Oh, it said Long Beach.

Oh, well, come on, man.

Can you maybe bring that over?

Yeah, I'm going to float right over right now.

Well, yeah, put one of your kids.

Do you have any kids there?

maybe they want a quarter no i don't know well i'll give you a few bucks i got some bait here

i got some computers that i've been working on one you will come down here you know you can hang

out inside the floating house we'll have a good time all right there's too much water over there

all right anyway all right big guy well hey you take care hey you too man see you bye man

what a nice guy cheers that was a nice yeah carlito if you ask for long island say you're

from montauk that's like at the very very tip montauk i don't know where the fuck anything is

over there i don't think it matters there's like two places long islands montauk all the way on

the ocean and then jamaica is long beach and long island the same thing no long beach is where jesse

james is i'll just give you a couple more you call whatever the hell you want i don't care

what about coney island uh that's way in brooklyn

I have no fucking idea.

I don't know.

That's over there by a trade center or something.

I don't know.

Call the one for the inflatable slide and say you need it for your airplane.

This hurricane ruined my Google event today.

You had a Google event?

Yeah, the big announcements for the new Nexus products.

Oh, was that?

I didn't know that was today.

They canceled it.

Oh.

I didn't know that was today.

Yeah, it was BS.

They're releasing those Nexus phones a little way too fast, man.

I know.

You can't stay on top of it.

And I've got to upgrade every four months.

That's what happened with HCC.

They suck.

Closed down more 7-Elevens.

At least you know the lanterns.

Get them to pull the circuit breakers.

Hi, this is Peter.

Please leave a message on the phone,

and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

Thanks, and have a great day.

He's trying to get a hold of Dr. Lego.

Assuming he gets an update, his zombies are flooded.

That's not good.

That means his computer machines are flooded, too.

Yeah, let me make sure they don't let Nunu know.

I don't know.

Is he in his headroom?

No.

He doesn't know.

No, he's going to be mad in a second when he finds out.

Piss.

How long we've called us of UK numbers?

You know, I don't think Lonesome's going to make it.

He's in a flood zone.

I don't think he's going to make it at all.

Literally, I don't think he's going to make it.

I'm left here to my own whims trying to find numbers here to call.

Who did we just call?

Some guy on Long Beach?

All right, let's find some more Craigslist.

And Jersey.

Jersey, let's see here.

How do you do that?

I can do that.

I can hack that and play a song.

You want to try calling Randy Dandy?

We don't even have that number anymore.

That's the number that I never pranked.

I passed it on to Brad

one of my first weeks on Cacti

and the guy was pretty funny.

Remember that.

You should try to sell people on the East Coast supplies

for their Chinese batteries.

See if they need water and batteries.

What other? Canoes?

You want any milk?

I'm going to call it off of imperishable stuff.

Exactly.

People sell food on here.

Is there an echo or is that just

me i'm gonna have for people ice cream there get some ice cream for your supplies in case the power

goes out oh thanks like here's someone bartering for fresh or canned food but there's no number

like what the hell now here's my question when i look up north jersey and craigslist am i left

to believe that's north jersey as in north new jersey or is that a town in england because it

sounds like a british town no that'd be north jersey then i guess yeah it's probably new jersey

All right.

Oh, yeah, here's South Jersey.

I get it.

For sale.

What's something weird here?

Boats.

Boats for sale.

I found some food.

Someone's selling.

Here, look, someone's selling food.

All right, send me that.

I'm going to call this a boat for sale.

I bet they're trying to rip people off, too.

Oh, there's an eye in it.

One second.

It's not a one.

That crane hasn't fallen yet, man.

Come on, crane, fall.

I know.

You crane.

Let's go cut the chains on it.

Fucking crane.

let's see what disgusting food they're selling they've got olives sliced potatoes if i was

spider-man i'd jump up to it and kick it and make it fall it looks like a duck it's like a dick

it's your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system

is not available at the tone please record your message when you've finished recording you may

hang up or press one for more options to leave all right so what did you send what did you find

there. Uh, canoe?

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

That

Tombstone song, wasn't it?

Brad used to play a song

every time Tombstone called in.

What's that from?

The Untouchables?

The Odd Couple?

The Odd Couple, yeah.

Hello?

Yes, hello?

This is the guy that has the canoe?

Yes.

Yes, I need the canoe, please.

There's a little bit of flooding

and I'd like to know

if I could get that canoe

from you tonight, please.

No, sorry.

How much for you to come

or for me to come pick it up tonight?

No, I'm not available tonight.

Why not? Hello?

Come on, I'll give him anything.

I'll tell him, I'll suck your dick, man.

Give you

best blowjob ever, man.

We should order like roofing during the hurricane

or something.

Hello? You've reached

455852.

Let's see how desperate

they're. Let's order roofing during the

hurricane. Maybe some Mexican

again. No, no, no roofing.

No, I can't do roofing.

Those are the numbers. Are they canoes

also? No, the next

number, the 197, is

someone selling shitty food, like

canned food and spaghetti.

All has been forwarded to an automatic voice

message system.

I'll try again just for safety.

That's my new line. I'm hungry.

I heard that canned food talk.

I need olive.

Canned dirty olive.

I'm going to have a dirty martini.

I don't like them that way.

Too salty.

Yeah, true.

And someone's recording that.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Well, shit.

Shit ball.

1996 Bombardier boat.

Bombardier boat.

Sweet.

Dollar store items.

Dollar store.

Someone selling dollar store items, or are you just looking them up?

No, someone's selling shitty dollar store items.

For a dollar?

They're probably selling them.

For a dollar.

The price gouging is out of control.

I'll send you the list so you can see what shitty items they have.

This cheap pack of three clothes hangers cost a dollar yesterday.

Now it's going on the street for five dollars.

You buy it. Five dollar.

I know who's available. Your name, your number, and a brief message.

He sounds gay. Just saying.

It's okay.

Fuck you.

You sell us stuff.

I know who's available.

I don't care about your...

Leave your name, your number, and a brief message.

Dollar store merchandise.

got lighters blades blades 12 blades oh yeah hooks for slat walls god what the fuck 12 nail

filers cuticle trimmers lipsticks dental floss i think this is a store that closed

can you imagine having to store all that i gotta call this

you wanna i gotta i gotta i got a feeling it's an asian i'm just saying just a hunch put a bit

on that oh come on mouse oh the battery has got water in it in new york the battery you know

she's just about to waste high water hi this is yunira i'm unavailable to answer your call at

this time you're right right now as a girl i wouldn't want to be in waste deep water in the

middle of new york city so i wouldn't want that touching that well isn't that right you know

Ew.

Why is she doing that?

Stop.

Stop!

Good.

Move the camera away from her.

That's gross.

What?

Holy shit, that's scary.

Did they call the boat already?

What's this?

Ew.

Call the boat guy and play the I'm on a boat song by Lonely Island with T-Pain in it.

Yeah.

Yes, I know.

That was the real old, the research I've done tells me it might be a prototype.

Not sure.

Hubog Gerbruder doll?

I have no idea what that is.

I don't know.

Carrie, don't call it.

Call this one.

Looks not Nazi.

Skip that one.

This one's better.

All right, weirdo.

Hang on.

Which one?

The last one?

Yeah.

Whoa!

That scared me.

That is funny.

That scared me.

All right, cool.

We'll call it.

Call it and ask if it comes with traps.

What's the name of that character?

I just know him as Sawman.

Jigsaw.

Is it Jigsaw?

I don't know.

Yeah, Jigsaw's the guy's name.

It's in the title, dummy.

It's Saw.

The title is Saw.

I've only seen the first one.

Sorry.

They never gave him a name.

I'm in a meat mood.

That's all right.

I just knew I saw a guy.

Yeah, ask the guy if it comes with traps.

No, don't do that.

Shit is in my head.

Oh, God, she's in waist-deep water again.

That's so gross.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

Do you have the jigsaw puppet?

Yeah, I still do.

All right, does it float?

I'm sorry?

Does it float?

No, it doesn't float.

It's just a regular doll.

It's a 42-inch doll.

It's like the replica of the jigsaw itself.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah, I just, and you guys sit for $2,500.

How much if I just want to just look at it and use it for maybe like 20, 30 minutes?

Yeah, that's fine.

That's no problem.

I want to come over and kiss and hug it and lay it on the bed and get on top of it.

Hey, if you want to come take a look at it, take a look.

Will you let me?

I'm an entrepreneur, Times Square.

I work at Times Square.

Yeah, will you let me like jerk off in front of it?

Jerk off in front of it?

Yeah.

You can do whatever you want with it.

Why don't you give me the money?

I don't care what the fuck you're doing.

I'll give you, like, 200 bucks if you let me jerk off in front of Jigsaw.

What?

I'll give you 200 bucks if you let me jerk off in front of Jigsaw.

But can you or someone else, like, make the voice talking?

Like, he's talking to me.

Like, saying, no, don't, please.

I'm uncomfortable.

No, man.

I don't know, man.

I don't care what you do, man.

I'm not freaking you like that.

I just want my money.

I don't care what the fuck you do with the fucking money.

Come on, please.

Just $250 and you leave me so you're going to close the door.

you i can do whatever i want to the doll to the puppet for 20 minutes i give you 200 dollars and

then i leave the money and then thank you you can do whatever the fuck you want i don't care if you

jerk off or whatever the fuck you do do you have any other do you have do you have any other dolls

or pictures no man listen if you got pranked man go call somebody else man i'm on the fucking move

either you're gonna do business or talk with a normal human being don't be an asshole you stupid

guinea wild bastard do you have any wedding pictures you can put around that i can jerk off

off to stupid what i said you have any of your wedding pictures you can set up so i can jerk

off to them too stupid asshole listen man you call me either for your fucking prank or what

i don't understand you no are you fucking talking about jerking off on my daughter are you fucking

retarded are you fucking mental i really like that are you fucking stupid you motherfucking

i like the fucking movie fuck you you fucking dumb fuck can i eat one of your wedding pictures

a second i put you inside of me wow he loves you again yeah it was gonna go nowhere so i like

yeah the end was nice it was almost going nowhere and i got him

fuck you i always say stupid to people i do get upset damn it well that was fun good one guys

thanks what we didn't do you got me the number all right oh okay 24 inch rims for sale what's

What's this you sent?

I don't know.

Send a bunch.

What am I doing?

This is 24 inch rims.

I don't know.

We'll see.

Mmm.

Hey!

La la la la la la.

Hi.

What's up big boy?

Nothing.

What do you want?

Hello mister.

Want to be here.

The crew.

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

Hey.

My other thing's over there.

You got power yet Tavachi?

Did you get it back?

It's on again but I'm pretty sure it'll be off soon.

I can see like you know those arcs lighting up the sky.

Oh, man.

Killed a Nazi.

Oh, man.

Winterize and shrink wrap.

I wonder what that means.

Yeah.

Winterize and shrink wrap.

Let's see.

Materials for sale, composite decking boards, chain link fence.

I don't know what else to do.

I don't know either.

Maybe I'm done.

Solar panels.

All right.

Look up ridiculous stuff that would not be useful at all right now.

Hey, this sounds funny.

Two bundles of unfinished Brazilian cherry.

I get it.

Two bundles of unfinished Brazilian cherry.

Nice.

Found punch.

This is one of those stupid email me only kind of things, dude.

Oh, no, here's a number.

New Jersey is one of the best places in the world to use solar energy.

You can either buy the panels or simply promise to use the energy they produce.

Okay, whatever.

Hippie asshole.

I'll do what I want.

Search hurricane because people are showing.

I'll do what I want.

That's the weed.

Thank you for calling Green Apple Energy.

Please hold while I try to connect you.

Your call has been forwarded to the voicemail for Green Apple Energy.

I was going to make a solar bong with them.

Look at this place.

Solar bong.

You can go stay with a moose.

Hurricane Sandy Relief Sleep 8 Indoor Pool, $89, North Conway.

Cool.

Sleep with a moose, huh?

There's a pitcher.

I don't know.

And hot air balloons.

Being a timeshare resort in New Hampshire, stay here as an owner.

Just pay the maintenance fee.

$6.25 a week.

Dude, man, I might do this.

$6.25 a week, $89 a night in New Hampshire.

Do you make fun of them?

$89 per night.

I might do that.

Go away for a week.

Stay up there.

That's pretty nice.

Isn't that bad for a timeshare?

I'm going to check this place out.

Put that on Gort.

I'm going to prank call him first.

Do-do-do-do.

Gort.

It all makes me think of the robot.

That's where I got it from.

Gort.

Fine.

Devachi, I kept thinking today of...

Welcome to Cathedral Edge Condominium Resort.

For Building A, 1.

Building B, press 2.

Building C, press 2.

Shut up.

For Unit A, 1, press 1.

Can you talk to any of them?

Please wait a moment.

Bonus.

Wow.

Holy shit.

Crazy.

Exploitable.

It's like the gay hotel.

To leave a message, press 1.

To enter another extension, press star.

Okay.

Press 1.

Oh, this is so easy.

They make this way easy.

You can get an answer, hit star, and do the next one.

Nice.

So if you go stay there, we'll find you.

Now, where's this at?

New Hampshire.

I don't think there would be many there.

Hampshire.

What?

It's running away.

Yeah.

Please wait a moment.

That was the last one.

Nobody goes to the hotel.

They, like, stay at home.

Well, those are timeshares, sir.

Oh.

Trying to find the most.

Believe in them.

Well, that's a bad on those guys because they put the main number in and say what unit they're in.

Stupid.

Can leave creeping messages on all of them someday.

Watching you for me, too.

I drilled a hole in the wall and I can see you.

Hello.

For you, Jose Bravo.

Hello.

Hi.

Finally, I got my stop working.

Hi.

All right, so what's the Parker Guesthouse?

Are they the same thing?

They were looking to run out to evacuees, or you just found it?

It's actually all the way over in California, but there's usually people in the rooms.

And if the guy doesn't answer, you can dial through all of them.

You've called this place before?

Oh, hundreds of times.

What is it, a hostel?

No, I'm just curious.

Is it, though?

No, it's just a sick hotel.

All right, you don't have to be rude.

Jeez.

Yes, hi.

I'm looking to come down and take refuge from the elements outside.

Excuse me?

I'm looking to come down and take refuge from the elements outside.

Do you have a reservation?

No, not really.

Do you have a lobby there?

No.

Well, what kind of space do you have where people can just come?

You can't just come in.

You have to have a reservation.

Well, like, for breakfast time, can I maybe go to one of the rooms with someone just to use the shower and use the bathroom?

No.

Just for a little bit?

Are you joking?

Well, I'll pay, but I can't pay for the whole night.

But maybe I'll give you a few dollars and you'll let me use the toilet.

Just let me use the toilet

I'll wash my face in a toilet and everything

I won't even use the sink

I promise

I need to get out of the elements for a few minutes

I'll give you $10 and let me use the toilet

I don't make the rules

You can let me use the toilet

Where do you go to the toilet?

Where do you go to the toilet there?

Let me use the toilet

I order you to let me use the toilet

No

Never

The Floating reports over a New York Stock Exchange's flooding

in breaking news parker guest house this is matt please let me use your toilet just for like a few

minutes no what's your do you have a toilet for you for a worker right don't you no then when do

you go to the bathroom look this just isn't the way it works i just need to use the toilet for

five minutes and then i said no please just when i'll give you money i'll suck your dick man i'll

I'll suck your dick.

No, no, no.

I'll suck your dick.

I got it.

They're usually pretty cooperative like that.

I'll suck your dick.

No.

Room 12.

No, no, no.

No.

It just doesn't work like that.

You can't just suck my dick like that.

It doesn't work like that.

What if you pee on him?

That's a good question.

We'll have to find out.

Hey, Jose.

Jose, that's weird.

Bye, Jose.

Stupid Jose.

Jose, if you're listening to the radio, then why are you going to call in?

Stupid.

I don't get it.

Thank you for calling NY More Hostel.

Our office hours are from 8 a.m. until midnight, Monday through Sunday.

We are either on another line or currently unavailable.

Hi.

Hey, you know how the phone losers do those breaker calls?

Yeah, I do.

Polaris and I did it with a McDonald's,

and we had this woman going through all the breakers,

yelling them out like the legend called.

And it ended with the manager going,

What are you doing?

And he was yelling at her.

Did you record that?

I want to hear just the manager.

What are you doing?

I would have to search for it.

It was pretty amusing.

I'm drinking my survival water.

It's so good.

In fact, I think we should call them back.

I'll get that number.

I wonder if they're open.

Yeah, that's pretty funny.

The manager's like, this person was stupid.

Like, I just said there's going to be, like, a number one, a number two.

Oh, yeah, yeah, there is.

No.

Jose, listen, if you're going to be on, turn off the radio in the back.

All right, damn it.

All right, I will do.

Listen, you know better than that, all right?

I'm sorry.

You listen on here on Skype only.

You don't need to listen on the computer, too.

Come on, figure it out.

Organize yourself, Jose.

He thinks he's an important person.

Sorry, I'm a messkin.

Ubicate.

Thank you.

No.

Yes.

Ubicate yourself.

We've got an in-swing patio door.

Anderson, seriously.

We could probably put my wife's big fat ass on that and push it down the river.

Let me see if I can find a phone number.

No, no phone number.

Damn it, that would have been good.

I hate that.

I wonder if there's a phone number.

Here's a fence.

That's because it's reinforced.

Just search for the same thing, and sometimes you'll find a phone number.

here's a fence i want to put a fence up to keep the water out let's see if i can find a number

for this one yep here we go makes sense chain link fence to keep the flooding out that's my plan

let all the leaves build up with the trash build it right now

my name is steven polosky i don't want to put a chain link fence

give me a polish name grabowski sausage

Sausage.

That's awful.

I'm a bad person.

I should die.

JFK International Airport is now closed due to flooding.

Breaking news.

Wow.

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

You know what we're going to have to do?

We're going to have to get that chair, the Coors Light chair,

and we're going to have to fill it with helium.

Go wherever you want.

Go fly it on the hurricane.

game so the cop's gonna do the airport it's gonna play hey jack i'm sorry man here take a seat

and let him go oh but jack's too big he wouldn't fly away so never mind yeah never mind well but

he could attach his he could catch his pants and attach them to the chair and then it would work

poor jack i'm so i'm pulling for jack i hope he gets at least a pair of pants out there

we got a great pricing for laminate floors in new york now's the day to get laminated

what else we got granite bathroom countertops now grass carpet remnants call call in call

someone that's doing roof making a roof because we need a roof done during the storm it's a good

idea or landscaping like if you find those people who have a personal side business yeah landscaping

Like right now

Yeah

I can find something

More recycle

If Polaris and I

Were doing calls like that

All yesterday

Dog walker

I shouldn't just ask you

To do it

I should be looking it up

Yes dear

I love it like

I'll suck your dick

It doesn't work that way

How about this guy

How about this

To hand you man

He can

He can assemble

Swing sets

Trampolines

He'll do whatever

The hell you want him to do

Cool

Ask if he'll put your sex wing in again.

Where's he at?

Long Island.

Nice.

Tell him to come out and put some boards up.

He'll do whatever you want.

You read Anthony?

I cannot keep the phone right now.

You leave your name.

I'm not going to do that.

All right, fuck you, Anthony.

Oh, my God.

That was a local McDonald's we called Tabacha.

Are you crazy?

Are you insane?

Oh, yeah.

I'm absolutely insane.

Which one was it?

Was it the one by my house?

No, no, hardly.

Oh, okay.

It was over in New York.

They deserve it. It's a shit place.

It's another long...

Hey, guys, guys.

There's an ad here in New York

for a midget bowling, tossing, wrestling, boxing.

What?

Post that. That sounds good.

Oh, my God.

Mr. Honeydew Handyman. Yay.

Do you want to know his...

Get the do.

Snort.

Oh, boy.

You guys want the number to it?

Yeah, put it in the...

Of course.

In the Skype chat.

You see it there?

You can type stuff.

Tom, I'm unavailable.

He's getting the do.

He's doing the do.

I actually like to ride the bull.

A little more caffeine for me, if you don't mind.

It's what I prefer.

L.A. Woman.

It's a song.

L.A. Woman.

It's going to be awesome if the power never goes out.

It's going to be so awesome.

Well, this guy's licensed. That's no fun.

I like fun.

Way to format your number.

Yeah, Jose Bravo.

I'll do it for you.

What was it again, Jose? I forgot already.

Midget bowling?

Yeah, tossing and wrestling and boxing.

Do they actually throw them?

I do not know.

It says throwing or tossing.

You can tell when I start to get tired.

It's hilarious.

Where'd Cyclone go?

Hello?

Yes, hi.

Is this the guy with the midget?

Yes, sir.

How can I help you?

Yeah, I was curious.

These midgets, are they boys and girls or just boys?

Well, they're men, but, yeah, I have both male and females.

Okay.

Do they like to party?

First of all, what city and city is this for?

I'm in New York, New York, and we're willing to pay.

Oh, you're in New York City?

Yeah.

I'm going to pay money for you to come out.

You know, we want a few of those boys and girls to come out and lay down.

Just lay down on some couches around and I'll take some pictures.

What are you trying to do?

I want to take pictures of them.

Okay, the guys and girls?

Yeah, together with, you know, in various poses and levels of dress and undress.

It's very tasteful, though.

I'm going to put it in a coffee book that I'm making.

It's called Freaks of Nature, like that, you know?

Yeah.

All right.

How many hours are you looking at?

Well, how many boys do you have, how many girls do you have?

Oh, just so you know, there's only two little females, strippers in the entire East Coast.

And when it comes to the guys, I can probably get you four of them.

How many inputs are there?

How many what?

Are they two-input girls, or what are they exactly?

Well, when you say two-input girls, I guess I understand the question.

Well, you know, some girls are only two inputs, some are three.

some only have like one input you know like how much do they party well fine party dude because

you know they're just you know i mean they're strippers by by trade yeah but you know when

if you're talking about narcotics and no like that we don't we don't do that well no no aside

from stripping when the stripping's done then you know two adults you know can talk and and you know

Maybe have some ice cream and go out and talk about music and dancing and stuff.

The girl has one input or two inputs, you know?

How many inputs?

Are they there?

Can I talk to them?

Do you have them in the cage?

Yeah, this is not a serious conversation, I guess.

No, it is.

It is.

Come on.

Listen, asshole.

This is a serious conversation, okay?

This is a very serious situation, and I'm making serious questions.

And I appreciate it if you take me seriously.

It didn't work that time.

At least it was peaceful.

That was stupid.

I got no time for this, man.

Go play with your mom.

That was really stupid of you to hang up on me, because you don't even know who I am.

You're going to kick my ass?

Yeah, I'm Jay Leno.

Yeah, for sure.

I'm Jay Leno.

Anyway, dude, I can't help you anyway.

Hey, man.

So are you good?

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, I'm good, man.

Yeah, you good?

Yeah, you got any?

You want any?

What?

You want anything?

No.

Okay.

Generator.

Delivering install in North Jersey.

All right.

Don't be in the dark, it says.

Yeah.

Yeah, hi.

Is this the guy with the generator?

Yeah, how you doing?

Oh, good.

Yeah, I want you to come install that.

I want to watch my stories on the computer.

Okay.

And this will make my phone work and my internet work and everything and turn the water back on?

Yeah.

All right, and how many gasolines does it take?

It's seven gallons.

How many spaces is that?

Sorry, what was that?

How many spaces?

Spaces?

Yeah, for this computer spaces.

How many does it take to turn on the computer spaces?

I mean, how much does it take?

Yeah, how many spaces can that thing hold?

Well, it doesn't hold it.

We hook it up to your panel so we can turn breakers on your panel.

Yeah, but then it's running some spaces in there.

Space power?

It's running off of gasoline.

Yeah, but it combusts the gasoline, right?

Yeah, I'm not sure.

What do you mean?

Like the CCs of the engine?

Yeah, it's measured as...

It's a 30 amp receptacle.

It's 14.4.

Yeah.

It's 14.4 CCs.

Okay, and I wanted to connect that to a log splitter.

A log splitter?

Yeah.

All right.

And a chainsaw.

You can't do everything with it.

Well, I want to hook up a chainsaw, a lot more, and a log splitter.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

All right, yeah, where you at, buddy?

hmm so where you at buddy i'm in long island and i'm willing to pay you plenty of money i work i'm

dr lego is my name what they call me and i own get in space internet productions why don't you

meet up with me you fucking smart ass little bitch hey listen i'm a jewish lawyer okay don't be a

stupid i'll punch you in the cock i'll punch you i'll punch you in the face and i'll grab your

penis and i'll pull it hard and i'll shave all the hairs around it and i'll put it in your mouth

This is the guy who don't have a generator right now.

He's one of those fucking guys that are all mad on Craigslist.

Please, will you help me out?

Yeah, I can help you.

Will you bring the generator for me?

Just for like five minutes?

I'll put the generator for you.

For like five minutes, just so I can have some air conditioning for five minutes?

Yeah, yeah, I hear you.

Air conditioning?

Yeah.

No doubt.

Yeah, and then bring your girl over and I'll have my way with her in my bed,

in my air-conditioned bed.

oh cool yeah well i'm into that and you can watch yeah yeah i'll watch a little bit you can watch

that's nice yeah and then and i want you to come in with a role play and you're like hey i'm with

the power company yeah you're bored as shit huh man say that say that like that say hey i'm with

the power company say it oh that's so hot and she'd be like oh yeah and then she's like my

husband and i supported me supported me and it's like my husband and i always wanted to be with

the power man and then we ask your name when you say it's max power you've thought about this

before i like that call my name is max power can i plug my my wire

nice i got more generators for the crisis is full of people trying to get generators sold

$1,500 here. Generator.

Look at that. Wow.

Small 800-900 watt generator.

$400. That's a decent price.

That's a decent price. That's in Clifton.

Where's that? Clifton. I have no idea.

Clifton, New Jersey?

Yeah, that's New Jersey.

I've never heard of it.

It's right near Lake Jersey City.

Right on. Right on, man.

Kill. Generator for sale in

Vernon. I know where Vernon is.

That one I can do. What's another

idea for a generator? What else can I do?

the generator high-powered dildo try to build a frankenstein monster

hello yeah hi how are you i'm good how are you you have a generator for sale

yeah yes i do oh that's good listen i've got a massage place the asian massage place that i run

and we're supposed to be having some specials tomorrow

and we didn't want to close, but the power's going to be out.

So we want you to put the generator, can you install also or you just deliver it?

It's actually, my uncle is running the generators.

Would you like me to get them for you?

Yeah, well, we want him to put it inside one of the rooms

because we have to stay, you know, we have to stay low profile

because of what the women do here.

All right, well, he's right next to me.

I'll put him on the phone with you.

All right, and, yeah, thanks.

Hi, yeah, I'm with Oasis Asian Massage.

I run the IT here, and we have, yeah, you have the generator that you're selling?

Yes.

Do you also install if we give you some more money?

Will you set it up?

There really isn't much installation to do.

I mean, pretty much, I mean, they're new in the box.

The wheels have to get put on them.

They need to be filled with gas, and they need to be filled with oil out of the box.

um and then you pretty much just run a extension cord so you plug an extension cord in yeah run

some extension cords wherever you need them and that's that well let's see well it's going for

kind of like uh we need to stay off the radar at this business we're a massage therapy place

and a pain clinic so we don't like to draw a lot of attention but we have regular clients here

so we can't actually leave the generator outside because they said per ordinance you can't run

on the generator after 7 p.m yeah well i think in a state of emergency i don't think they'll

really bother you too much with that well they told me that already because i had one generator

and it started going bad and they the police came and they said that and the guy he sees

i'm in vernon and then what we want what we want it is right isn't it bullshit yeah because i can

put you on the phone right now with the cough they can't tell you in a state of emergency

until you can't run a generator after 7.

That's what I told the guy.

I said, hey, listen, man, that's not fair.

That's not right.

And he threatened me, and he said he was going to close the business

and arrest all the girls because he knew what they did there

to the clients that came in and everything, he said.

Yeah, they can't tell you can't have a generator running.

Yeah, he said, I know that the girls are jacking people off

and sucking cock here, and I'll be down here,

and we'll do it when the storm's here.

and he's like, no one will ever find a trace of any of you.

He said to me like that.

He said that no one would ever find a trace of us.

Whereabouts is your building?

Well, here's what I want to make sure that we can do this.

I'm going to install it inside so that they don't know it's running.

I'm going to put it inside one of the...

You can't put it inside or inside the building.

You'll all be dead.

No, because we've got a fan.

We got the ceiling fan there so it gets air.

So the air circulates around it and inside of it.

And then that way there's, you know, the carbon dioxide.

And then we'll open a few windows and things.

We'll open the window where the generator is at so the exhaust comes out.

I mean, you can put it where you want, but I wouldn't recommend putting it inside.

All right.

Well, maybe you can just bring it down and size it up and see what we need to put it inside.

I'm going to put it on one of the massage tables, and we'll just leave that door closed in that room.

So you're behind this medical arts building?

Yeah, over here.

We've got massage therapy, and then it's just a bunch of Asian women, to be honest with you.

I don't know if you're married or anything, but they'll do anything.

They'll be really appreciative.

I mean, you can just imagine.

Are you married or anything?

Do you have a wife or girlfriend or anything?

Yeah.

If you don't bring your ring, just leave your ring in the car or something, and I wouldn't tell her.

and we'll have a party, you know?

We'll have a big party.

All right.

You know, I'm looking to get $800 cash for this generator.

All right, and we're going to put it inside with a fan going on it

and the other fan on the side, and we'll leave the window open.

I'll calm down.

I'll head over that way in a little bit.

I'll call you when I get there, and you can look at it if you want it.

You can pay me $800 or give me a deposit,

and then I'll bring it back, and I'll fuel it up and put oil in it

and make sure you're good to go, and you can stick it wherever you want,

run some cords through it.

That's what I'm talking about.

All right, big guy.

You take it easy there.

We'll see you soon.

All right, you got it.

See you.

Thanks.

All right, bye.

All right.

LOL, Cloud.

That's so funny.

How's that horse, Sandy, treating you, Carlos?

It's just a little windy.

The center eye is moving over us.

Over us, literally?

Yeah.

Yeah, like, I can see the clouds are really thin.

Like, it's up on the horizon, but I think there's no clouds.

I haven't heard it for the last two hours because I had my headphones on,

but now that I look, I saw my window shaking, so I guess it is kind of bad out there.

I can't see. It just pitch black back there.

Maybe if I turn this light off.

The wind's been slowing down for, like, the last half hour, but it'll pick up again.

I wish the center would just drop on that stupid crane.

I know, right?

Right? Circumcise

that crane dong.

Stupid crane.

Did you

see that video of the deer in Jersey?

They got stuck in the ocean.

The waves were hitting it.

It was a stupid deer.

I've never seen a deer at the beach before.

He's so stupid.

I've seen deer swimming.

I've never seen that before.

It was so stupid.

They had to rescue it

They had a broken leg but they saved it

I have to remember there's a lot of

Swamp area around New Jersey

Even like right next to the beach

That's probably how it got there

I'm just like

I've seen that

This stupid deer

That was so funny

He was like

He was like trying to roam but in the water

It was pretty wicked

Must have panicked though

oh you ever you guys ever see uh the the video of the little baby kangaroo in the water

oh you got a youtube it's the coolest thing ever like there were these

there were these tourists in in australia they were at the beach and his baby kangaroo came

up to them was a plane with them and chased in the water and jumped in the water and jumped out

it looks really wicked yeah hang on now i want to see that yeah this is gonna be hilarious for

people listening oh i'm just looking up for myself kangaroo okay everybody kangaroo beach

you guys can hear it and imagine it boing baby kangaroo swimming at the beach i have a vivid

imagination look at the like i'm describing it and the kangaroos jumping and the kangaroos jumping

and the girl runs in the water and one of the baby kangaroos is in there and he's all flopping around

And he's jumping out

There he goes

Bye kangaroo

Bye

Kangaroos looks like they have so much fun man

That's an animal I like to be a kangaroo

They're bosses man

You never hear no one fucking with kangaroos

No one ever fucks with kangaroos

You never hear anyone that has anything bad to say about kangaroos

They're friendly animals

Very nice with everybody

Very good demeanor

Like those media ridden koalas

Yeah exactly

Steve Verwin fucked with them

did you know koalas are so stupid that if their tree dies that they're on they're so stupid that

they won't go look for another one they'll just die on the tree it's true if their eucalyptus

tree is dying you get six and die or gates hit by lightning they'll just stay there and die with

the tree they're so stupid there could be five trees around them that's how stupid a koala bear

is so people have to go around and just like remove them and put them on another tree save

no, just let them die

that's nature

fuck you koalas

koalas are on the way out

and that's probably why

we're in the middle of this part of the evolution stage

but they're probably on the way out

because they can't hang

they're stupid

they're underdeveloped

they're bee students

sloths are pretty cool

yeah but the sloth will move a fucking tree

how stupid are you

I'll stop, I'm taking it serious

did you find the video yet?

I got a link for you

stop dissing

I got a link for you guys

here you go

Jose watch this video

and tell me what you think

tell me you don't think

I'm gonna give it

to the rest of the room

so they can all watch

baby kangaroo

swimming at the beach

this is an awesome picture

this makes you think man

okay everybody

let's watch this

oh my god

isn't that awesome

wow

look at it go

it's so awesome

look at it go

yeah

the best part is

when he's in the water

isn't that cool

look at that

oh my gosh

yeah

I was like

see ya

peace

oh he's got a little

collar on

yeah

isn't that weird

I don't know if he's

a pet kangaroo

or what

it's a girl kangaroo

I'm pretty sure

it's got a pink collar

pink used to be

the boys color

until

until communism

baby kangaroos

swimming at the beach

what

baby kangaroos

swimming at the beach

yeah

I'd rather watch

this video

when kangaroos attack

This looks more exciting.

Someone getting their head beat off with a kick.

All right, let's call this 7-Eleven.

I got attacked by, what is it, an ostrich before.

That hurt.

An ostrich?

Right in my camera.

I pecked at you?

Yeah.

What a bitch.

Fucking ostrich.

They're assholes.

I could hear someone listening to the video.

There are a lot of kangaroo tag videos.

Why would they have them in pettings?

Seems like they'd be dicks.

It's biting and kicking someone.

Yeah.

Take that, someone.

I recommend people watch all the kangaroo tag videos.

Wasn't there kangaroo boxing back in the day?

There's always that black and white video of two kangaroos boxing each other.

Put that up.

Oh, boy.

Kangaroo versus emu.

Versus what?

An emu.

It's like a little...

Oh.

Rich.

Let me kill the ring.

Hang on.

God.

All right, so we're looking up kangaroo YouTube videos and pranking random Craigslist numbers?

It's a good time.

Good times.

You still got no power there, Tabachi?

Oh, you still got power, I mean, rather?

It's on.

Man.

When torches is attack.

What happens if I search kangaroo on, uh, whoa, there's a baby thing.

Ah, kangaroo costume.

Holy shit, I wish this had a number.

Pretty fucking awesome.

Kangaroo costume, okay.

How about a breastfeeder called a kangaroo?

A breastfeeder?

Okay.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, sure.

Titties.

I like titties.

Do you like titties?

I like kitties.

Hong Kong.

Sure do.

What's it called?

The kangaroo, right?

That's what we're talking about.

I think that's what it's called.

I don't know.

When I search kangaroo, that's what came up.

I don't know why it came up.

All has been forwarded to an automatic.

Raggle, fraggle, raggle, fraggle.

Tantricare's way.

All right, I'm in Craigslist looking for numbers.

Here's cars floating down Wall Street.

Good.

I have to show you this kangaroo costume.

I don't... God.

Someone find me a number in the room for a kangaroo costume,

because this thing is awesome.

Oh, where is this cat?

That's... I'm trying to see.

I'm watching...

Oh, Atlantic City.

All right.

Guys in Atlantic City, there's water everywhere.

Holy shit.

If I had a baby, like...

If you had a baby, that would make a perfect costume.

Like, keep the baby, but...

All right, ready?

I got someone checking in, my best friend from New York City.

All right.

He says they're running out of the backup power now, as with a lot of other buildings,

and the winds are kicking up again more than they were earlier.

Look at that.

Part of Atlantic City boardwalk has been wiped out, per the mayor of Atlantic City.

So it sounds like the second part of the storm is taking its toll.

It's starting to come in.

I've lived through five hurricanes in my life.

I lived through three of them that hit back-to-back within two weeks of each other in 2005.

five so i don't have a feeling that yeah these northern states don't know this feeling really

especially this late it's just crazy that it was now in like late october yeah i guess last week

of october one day we had a uh was it a nor'easter yeah the freak uh snow yeah they came down on

halloween yeah is that gonna hit here legend legends like the super weather guy it's gonna

roll away we're here i haven't seen the long range stuff legend i view they haven't really

I think I've seen it going into Maine

I'm looking for it now

it's going to do a loopy loop

across western Pennsylvania

and it's probably going to be caught up in a

jet stream

it's going to be ejected to the northeast

the projection is to go to Maine

out in New Brunswick

over Nova Scotia out to sea

you know what Tabachi

I look at that radar

the projection for it to do that turnaround

State College and I just don't buy it

I got a feeling it's going to either

it's going to either turn before that or it's just going to sit there for a while

and then move off or something.

I don't know how I'm predicting that turn.

I've never seen a turn like that.

But then again, I never saw the westerly turn it took today ever, really,

that due west turn it took.

I just can't believe that the storm would do that.

I can believe it.

You have to remember the pressure difference.

It's very extreme.

It's just going to hit the jet stream, isn't it?

But that's a lot of battling going on between the two systems.

It's not very typical.

I mean, let's find out what the pressure is right now.

I've never seen stuff turn like that, you know?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

That's really weird.

And they've never run into a situation.

I've got a feeling that's not going to make the predicted turn.

I think it's just going to sit up there right by where me and Tabachi live for like a whole year.

That's actually what the projection is, essentially, up here.

Well, they just have it slowing down.

The projection is to sit.

it sucks

let's see

the projection foot

to sit is

wow 24 hours

yeah it's 24 hours

yeah

it's going to be

no maybe

going on 30

it'll be about

30 hours actually

and the pressure

it's still dropping

it hasn't gone up yet

so

enough of the

neurologist talk

no that's fine

I'm really into

the neurologist

I don't know

it's a Monday show

you're just guys

like it's a bonus show

so fuck you

it's maybe

I'm such a bad mood

I'm swearing so much

yeah

I usually

this is just in case i don't get my power back by thursday we got a makeup show i won't be able

i think you'll be all right you're in a pretty good location right off the grid i am right off

the grid so yeah that might help out you don't have any worse i'll have it on for you a day or

two if it does go off yeah that's like a friend of mine well andy andy was on the grid right by the

by the international airport in orlando and he never lost no he lost power but only for like

a few hours the first time that i lost it for two weeks i was saying it out there a lot i actually

ended up spending the night there a few times because it's fucking hot middle july in florida

no power that's why i can deal with this it's cold i can deal with that like the house right

now is 80 81 maybe i think i cracked the heat up all day today and i kept all the lights on

to keep it nice and warm so if the power does go out at least we get one comfortable night you know

and hopefully by the time power gets restored we haven't gotten through a night where it's

It's just cold where we had to bundle up.

But I think my heat will still work anyway.

I've got gas heat.

I never had gas heat before.

If you have gas heat, does that mean that your electric, you can still run your heater when the electric is off?

Am I correct?

This is the first time ever in my life.

Are you guys even connected anymore?

Did I lose you guys?

Maybe it was a blip.

I was having a whole conversation.

Let me call those guys again.

The Skype chat was getting kind of ganky anyway.

It was getting a little muff.

I was getting that warning there was a problem with the call.

so it had to be reset anyway what's disconcerting news if true all right cobra let me get the other

guys on here sorry no everyone dropped it's cool oh i'm so sorry oh okay you sound very

disingenuous i'm so sorry i'm playing sleeping dogs at the same time oh okay hey if you give

me a minute i'll look at my weather station i'll give you a report oh cool man i want to have a

weather station but yeah it'll take a minute i have to completely walk elsewhere what happened

how much does it cost to get a weather station like that oh it's just it was a stupid like

chinese thing i found the store it's like 30 bucks oh and you put it outside and it measures

it doesn't measure wind but it gets you the air pressure and all that stuff i was about to try to

see if you had power but you do have power i do battery backup so i'm ready to like i oh yeah

Yeah, do you have power?

Yeah, yeah, I do.

I don't know what just happened.

Hey, give me a second.

Give me a second.

Okay.

You guys there?

Hello?

Yeah, I just went on hold for a second by accident.

Sorry.

That was my fault.

Anyway, you said you have battery power, so you're ready for the...

Yeah, I have a UPS.

It has a ton of capacity and also has a special jack in the back that you can plug other power sources into.

So you can run off a car or whatever you need to.

Oh, okay.

Cool.

I'll go find out what the conditions are.

I'm going to add Mr. Legend back in

Do you mind pressing the button, please?

Not at all, thank you

Thank you, I appreciate it

I thought we had a fiver, I wasn't sure

Come back, Legend

Legend!

Hey!

Hey, you're back

Yeah

I almost forgot about you

Don't you forget about Legend

Don't you forget about me

Awesome

Oh, and you're welcome

who's gonna wear the

or whatever

the rat pack what are they called

the brat pack

Molly Ringwald is still hot

she's always been hot man

even from the days of different strokes

no she's not

I knew she was going to be a star

redheads

my weakness

I'm looking for Ashbury is it called Ashbury Park

New Jersey is that correct

I'll go back into

New Jersey I'm just pulling up towns

that I know are being affected per the news

that aren't right on the coast

and you know I was trying to find

businesses I can fuck with in the area

I do that a lot during tornado season

right I track them I know they're

heading for a town

in a town they're heading

for a town

on the phone as long as possible so I can hear the

storm rip the store apart

are you crazy?

yes I'm crazy

I gotta go I gotta go to my cellar no wait a minute

no wait a minute I gotta go

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute

Five more minutes

What's a rapido graph?

Fast graph?

Rapido graph

Rapido means fast, that's why I said that

This thing

I don't know

Santa Claus is coming to town

What about Atlantic City?

What's open there?

See if you can rent any rooms

They evacuated that place

Let's call Nucky

There's evacuation zones and all that

I bet there's places that aren't.

Oh, it's for doing comics and stuff.

That's cool.

Here's a place called Brick.

Brick, New Jersey?

All right, let's see.

I'm zooming in to see what I can find here.

Brick, New Jersey.

Justin Bieber tickets.

This isn't as easy as it looks.

Brick, New Jersey, I said, right?

7-Eleven near Brick, New Jersey.

Gotta be one.

Here's another drawing.

Here we go.

Look up horses.

Horses?

How about a sump pump?

There you go.

I need one of those.

I'm all looking at you.

There you are, humping.

I just had a thought of a horse running loose in a hurricane, like it got loose.

A stallion running around.

Now that place is underwater.

That went well.

Yep, they're gone. Their switch is sunk.

I don't know why, I don't know if I said this already to Bachi, but I kept thinking about how funny it was.

For some reason in our chat room I was saying that it would be funny if your car was being pushed into a creek.

creek i don't know i was hysterical i had a picture of like the lights blinking in the car going

i just i said it'd be funny if tabachi's car got blown into a creek by the storm winds and

as it was as it was slipping down the the horn would be honking like it was begging for help

weird i know that's all good just the visual is funny the visual is funny now that you added the

The light's blinking like it hits the water, hits the Titanic.

The lights turn on and flicker a little bit, then they go off like it died.

It lost its light force.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Yep, yep, yep, go ahead.

What's like a really, really low pressure value?

My reading is 28.3 HPA.

Oh, it's nothing.

We've got to get up to like 90 millibars.

No, that would probably be around 980 millibars.

Oh, I thought you meant millibars.

It's still decreasing.

It has not kept steady yet.

Ignore me while I'm mumbling.

I thought the storm was just at 980-something when it crossed the shore.

Oh, this is HPA, not, what is it, millimetres or mercury or whatever.

Millibars.

I guess you don't have to translate it, yeah.

That's a motorcycle, but it'd be kind of funny to pretend it's a horse because they'd probably get pissed.

Seawater rushing into the New York Battery Tunnel.

Ah, shit.

They're going subways.

yeah that's for the isn't that just the north it's like the universal ride isn't that the southern

terminus of the subways anyway the battery yeah yeah oh shit there's pictures of water going

through tunnels and stuff holy shit where are you finding this at i'm i've got the cnn app on my

ipad here next to me okay and i just see when they you know they they put their crawl i just

i need i mentioned ones that look like they're pretty serious oh wow there's a whole bunch of

cars underwater they're showing crazy look at that i wonder what there's some tunnel that they

show the water just racing down i don't know where that is it looks like it's in new york

i guess it's the battery tunnel what is the battery tunnel is it a car tunnel it's not a

car tunnel is it like cars yeah yeah funny yeah it's on the uh west side i believe oh shit holy

shit the videos of it just flooding down like coming really fast down the oh wow geez i'm glad

Glad they shut it down, anyway.

Yeah, there were a lot of cars there, though.

At least in one picture they showed, there were a lot of cars there.

Because you know stupid people would be like,

Oh, I'm just going to go.

No, I've got to go. I've got to go now.

It's like the only bridge on the west side, really, for most of the island.

To get out, okay.

People just have that mentality, like,

Got to go.

Yeah, that's what Milkman would do.

He'd be stuck there in his taxi floating away.

Legend one, he's a good taxi driver.

He follows the orders of the governor.

He's like, no.

The governor said no, and I say no.

No, he wouldn't.

He'd be like, more money!

Won't float without pontoons.

I stand by my governor.

That'd be hilarious.

Just floating by with paddles.

Seven to eight feet of water along the waterfront in Hoboken, New Jersey.

You should call taxi companies.

Yeah, that's a great idea.

Let's see if we can get a taxi

Open Google Maps and find a street

Right near the water

Get me out

Taxi New York

Oh yeah we'll never find one of those

Yeah I don't know

You gotta be white for this call

Or they won't pick you up

Or not crack or enough

I don't know

I mean those places are going to be closed

But there might be places like maybe up

How about in Hell's Kitchen

Hell's Kitchen. There we go.

Hell's Kitchen. I love that show.

Let's give this one a call.

He's opened so many restaurants that have failed.

Well, Hell's Kitchen is a section, I guess.

I like Anthony Bourdain better.

Yeah, he's a cool dude.

That's a lot of Latinos in Hell's Kitchen.

Hey, you could call in...

He used to be Irish. Didn't he used to be Irish or something?

Yeah, Puerto Ricans said, take it over.

Take it over, yep.

Just like the Chinese in Little Italy, man.

man. Same thing.

Or Koreans, whatever they are.

Those people.

Holy shit.

That picture.

That looks fake.

I'm looking at one that looks just like the Universal ride, like you said.

On the

TV, on the CNN machine.

It's like a disaster

prepared this test.

Oh, no.

You have reached 212.

Pedicab, give your name, your number,

and your message after the beep.

Thank you.

Please come get me, Julio.

I wonder if we can break into it.

He was Latino.

I wonder if you can break into it.

How often do you get a message machine for a taxi company?

Do you want to come pick you up?

Come pick you up.

Let me know where you are.

We never pick you up.

I hate you.

I mean, they really shut down operations?

Crap.

You should be money-making like this.

Well, some of these cats, some of these places, you know,

No, it's her cell phone, or they forwarded his cell phone.

Might be able to get ahold of someone still.

Here's a limo, limousine service.

I don't know New York that well.

This is Midtown East.

Are there a lot of coloreds there?

Is that a bad part?

Hey, anybody that knows New York, tell us where to call.

It's on the other side.

The whole place is, like, shut down.

Nobody's going to do anything.

Let's call someone just outside.

Call someone just outside.

Ask if they'll drive into the city.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

Cold buffalo.

I'm just curious, is the market going to open tomorrow?

The market's, there's reports of water in the market, actually.

Holy crap.

I'm just good, yeah.

Are people going to jump off the crate?

Hello, Sammy.

Yes, hi, Sammy.

Hey, buddy, man, I need some help.

I need to get a ride out of here as soon as possible.

From where?

Man, I'm here.

I'm down in the battery, the battery tunnel.

No, senor.

What do you mean?

Please, please, sir, because I'll give you, man, come on.

I'll help you out, man.

Huh?

There's nobody working.

Well, when will you start working again?

Can you pick me up in the morning?

Wednesday.

Come on, tomorrow, man.

I'll suck your dick, man.

Come on.

I'll suck your dick.

Where do you need to go?

Anywhere.

Oh, I'll watch him suck your dick.

Any airport that will get me out of here.

Nothing is flying.

Maybe you take me to Cincinnati.

Thank you, but nothing is flying.

Pittsburgh.

It's not the UK, RPE.

Come on, man.

Nothing is flying.

I'll suck your dick.

You're thinking about it, aren't you?

Thank you.

I need to see Venus Flytrap and Johnny Fever.

Come on, man.

Is it because I'm a boy?

There's a girl here.

She'll do it.

I question if I'm a girl sometimes, you know?

Thank you very much.

The people on the internet have been confused sometimes.

Everybody will be working back on Wednesday.

Okay, man.

I'll give you a call and I'll suck your dick.

Thank you.

Can we come suck your dick on Wednesday?

Thank you, bud.

Are you going to be...

Wow.

That guy had a lot of fun with that.

That's awesome.

He was funny.

He probably made his night.

What's his name?

Sam?

Sammy.

He's out of Puerto Rico, and I thought it was a Hindu.

I want to call him back on Sunday.

Hey, Carlito.

Sammy, yes.

Sammy.

You could call him then.

Uh, why?

I'll call him Sammy Taxi Dick.

Russ.

I don't know.

Breaking news.

That's a good one.

I'll call the breaking news.

I'll sing, come on, baby, light my fire.

Come on, baby, light my fire.

That's what I'll say.

Sir, you had a serious report.

Come on, baby.

I'll see a crank caller.

I've been looking on CNN for Captain Janks to call in all day.

I thought this would have been his time to shine.

Yeah.

Captain Janks and the Stern Show.

I haven't caught any.

I don't know if he's had any.

You should say the bounty just ran aground here.

Didn't they lose the bounty ship, the one that used to be docked in St. Pete?

The bounty.

Yes, sir.

It's gone.

It's gone?

Yeah.

It's gone completely.

Huh.

Great.

Yep.

Final hours in Hurricane Rabbit Seas, really.

It's gone.

That sucks.

It was off of North Carolina.

Yeah.

How far away from Allentown are you?

you um how far i don't know do you know uh with traffic it's about an hour and a half i think

i'm just looking at uh the radar out of fort george jersey above allentown about 2 000 feet up

the winds are still whipping around about 71 knots yeah i'm exchanging those winds i'm not

here there but i can tell they're they're really picking up you know i don't you know hang on let

Let's go check.

Well, it comes in waves.

Let's go check.

I'm going to get my microphone here.

We're going to do a check outside.

Breaking news.

Here's the weather report.

I don't know.

What's your weather name?

I don't know.

I don't have a weather name.

Brock Strongo.

Richard Dickerson.

I don't think my phone will reach there.

My microphone, it's all tangled up there.

I'd have to disconnect here.

You guys entertained the people for like two minutes with your talk.

All right.

Hey, let's talk sports.

yeah you the bronco non i don't know anything my losers my my team gets the ball better than yours

yeah let's talk about tight ends and balls band-aids bending over grabbing asses i don't

know i don't know anything about well it's cold here yeah i'll bring this microphone and i'll

stick it up on there all right let's pretend to call things hello

Hello.

That's what they call the eye of the storm there, Mr. Tabachi.

And this is a period of lull.

Don't be surprised by it.

Don't be caught by surprise the storm's not over.

They're in the eye of the storm.

We notice the lull, but the winds are not going to come from the opposite side.

And they do usually, at first, at least appear to want to be stronger, but they really aren't.

Trying to get Legend to sing, because usually we do karaoke when we're on the same line.

But he's not.

Trying to, yeah, take over your show.

I think the eye is right over Lancaster, Pennsylvania right now.

Oh, no.

That's right, sir.

The Amish.

How'd I know that?

What do the Amish do?

They're, like, really thin.

That's the eye.

That's the eye, fucker.

Fucker, that's the eye.

Yeah, man.

All right, let's see if I can reach the window.

I don't think I can.

Let's drop something.

I'll just open it from here.

Let's see what it does.

Man, it's calm.

Look at that.

You're right.

Yeah, it just died all of a sudden.

It was like, boom.

It's calm.

Man, I wanted some action.

I'm going to leave it open.

Let's see what happens.

I did that earlier on the other door on the other side.

The house just popped right open.

That low pressure just sucks it out.

Maybe I shouldn't leave that window open.

Yeah.

Oh, it's starting to whip up.

Are you on, Ken?

Give me a second.

Let me close the window.

Are you wearing your captain's hat?

All I see is black.

Okay.

That's pretty weak.

I want to see a hurricane and nothing.

Want to shut down some more 7-Elevens?

Yeah, let's do that.

We've got to find a different area, though.

I don't want to do Pennsylvania.

We can do Jersey.

Yeah, do Jersey.

A little further back in Jersey.

That's where we're going to find...

Not on the coast.

Fast and convenient.

I need a zip code.

Oh, no, I can just do Jersey.

Why does it sound like rain?

Flooding is now occurring inside of subway stations in lower Manhattan.

Okay.

Nice.

Stop it.

Don't you like that I say everything?

Are you having trouble with your mouse machine?

Yes.

Uh-huh.

Poor dick.

dicks. Alright, here we go. Dicks.

County, New Jersey. Jersey.

It's one of the neat things about calling

all these places. You get to hear lots of accents.

I bet that's exciting. It's neat.

Big gulp. It's also kind of

hilarious when you think about it.

I'm gonna try to dial it again. Nothing there.

Trying it again. Well,

just move on down the line.

I'm moving up, but okay.

The sluxic like that.

Maybe it's all flooded.

It's been you, woman.

I got

I've got freaking Gary Rafferty going in my head.

Thank you.

I told you he'd sing more songs.

It's awesome.

You should start numbering these.

It's like balls.

I'm going to start numbering them for you.

Start at one.

Yeah, that helps.

Breathing.

Fuck them.

I think Jersey's just being a dick.

Well, they're going through a lot right now.

They should let us prank them.

Hotels do absolutely anything to get a room.

Busy.

Darn it, man.

Yeah, let's move somewhere else.

Looks like I lost my fantasy football game.

Fuck, man.

You think it's a little Richie again?

No, I lost to frickin' Artie.

What a travesty.

God damn it, man.

Someone tell me where to pick.

I don't know.

What, the 7-Eleven?

Yeah.

Go for it, buddy.

I got Jacksonville.

No, Jacksonville, Florida.

Florida.

Yeah.

We're calling Sandy's Path.

How about Newark?

Newark.

There you go.

Newark.

one w right 24 hour go for like uh edison or union city newark egg harbor uh-huh newark okay

newark it is not post too many so i don't go off the screen tubes having troubles here

we'll redo it come on tubes faster sorry nope nope nope nope which window on which window i'm in

All tab.

All pancake places.

I think the piece of places have been thoroughly crank raped.

Grocery stores or pharmacies, maybe.

I don't know.

Walmart.

They never close.

Home Depot close.

Should I be open?

I'd be scared of being at Home Depot with all that heavy shit that they got up piling up.

Oh, that's true.

Fuck that.

Call up and say, I need some plywood.

I think most of them are going to be open tomorrow.

I actually called one.

and find out if they'll be open.

And as they said, 11 a.m. tomorrow.

Yep.

If there's damage, people will be there.

Heck yeah.

Good working people from America will be out there.

Chainsaws tonight.

Chainsaws tonight, fucker.

Amen.

Let's get this taken care of.

Help your brother out.

Help yourself.

Help your Christian brother out.

The Jews don't count because Jews, you know, they're not going to heaven.

You know they say that, right, those guys?

Yeah.

Those Baptists.

You know, they don't say it in public, but, you know, when they're behind.

Yeah, behind the backs.

Behind the backs.

You know, those Jews, you know, they're not going to heaven.

Just so you know.

Right, you know that, right?

Oh, yeah.

I mean, they're cool with them and all that because of the whole Jesus thing, but...

Why you no answer?

I'm not going to give you a shitload of...

It's Greek.

Wow.

Who cares?

It sounds Greek.

I don't know.

Who knows what language you get in that damn place.

That's one scary place to live, man.

What, Tarpon Springs?

No, Manhattan.

Tarpon Springs.

I used to love that little trip down there once a year.

Tarpon Springs and Clearwater we'd go to.

Oh, well.

Yep.

Yeah, I don't know.

Whatever.

I'm looking for taxis.

Fear not.

I put some taxi numbers in the chat earlier.

Well, apparently we scrolled.

They got rolled over.

Jersey City might be good.

I think they're a little further back, right?

No, actually, they're on the other side of the river from New York.

Well, as far as the coast, oh, yeah.

Well, they're right in the middle of that.

They're pretty messed up, though, right now.

Yeah, they're in that harbor kind of area.

They get the flooding.

Yeah, they got to look.

It's only, like, four feet above, I know from seeing the piers, not much to it.

I don't even know what city this is that I'm looking at.

Ewing Township?

That sounds about Trenton.

Trenton's jersey.

There we go.

Oh, yeah.

Here we go.

Your mom.

Hey, hey, hey.

Watch it.

Your mom's Trenton.

Trenton all over the place.

Stop Trenton on me.

Stop Trenton in front of everybody.

It sounds like something we could start as a Trenton.

Bitch, you Trenton.

Yes, hey, this is Christine.

Yeah, hey, big Christine.

Are you Trenton?

We're actually just manning their phones right now.

We're in Houston.

Oh, well, I need to get a hold of someone.

I need a ride from the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel.

For when?

For now, as soon as possible.

Okay, we don't have any availability for tonight until tomorrow morning starting at 10 a.m.

when their office will resume normal business hours.

Look, I'm supposed to meet Lysol at the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel to make a purchase.

I'm supposed to give him $5,000, and he's supposed to give me a suitcase of shit.

So if I don't make it tonight, I'm going to be in really big trouble with the boss man.

Like, he's really going to be pissed off.

Sorry that that's going on right now, but again, their office is closed,

and they will resume hours tomorrow at 10 a.m.

Can I connect you to Lysol?

You can explain that to him, because if not, then he's probably going to try to get me.

I'm not familiar with who Lysol is.

He's the guy that I'm supposed to buy the stuff from tonight.

Can you at least tell him so he won't believe me if he hears it from me?

Come on, I got him on the other line.

Let me connect him.

Hello?

No, man.

Lysol is a douche.

Now, that was a taxi number, right?

Yeah.

And they have it redirected at Texas?

It's Texas.

I guess that's...

Wow.

Yeah.

Lysol.

That's a good sidekick name.

Yes, this is Christine.

Yeah, Christine, please.

Look, Lysol's going to kill me if I don't get this out to him.

You know what?

This is not funny.

You need to stop playing on the phone, okay?

This is not a game.

This is a hurricane.

It's a state of emergency.

Right.

So go seek shelter somewhere.

Hey, that's not funny.

I have shelter.

I just need you to tell Lysol not to kill me.

No.

Lysol.

i was letting one of you that's the new way of selling go fuck yourself

seek shelter seek shelter seek shelter refugee you should call up a couple places and just say

seek shelter yes that's a good white page is a number i'll be back i found a limousine out there

too okay where are you putting tabachi are you there still did you leave yeah are you putting

any numbers in the chat that i'm not seeing or you just not yet oh yeah i thought you said you

were god tabachi i can't find it just found it oh that number sucks tabachi does so much behind

the scenes you people have to appreciate him he's a little nefarious i'm telling you he's a little

nefarious you gotta watch out for him he must have so many hours of prank calls saved up oh

Thanks for the reassurance.

I'm telling you people to love Tabachi and thank him.

Just be careful.

That's all I'm saying.

Love him, but be careful.

Oh, you could bring us all down.

If you get on your bad side.

One breath and you all die.

We're calling Afton Limousine Service.

How can I help you?

Yes, I need a ride as soon as possible.

I need to meet with Lysol, the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel.

And if I don't give him this suitcase full of money,

He's going to get me in big trouble.

I need to meet Lysol at the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel as soon as possible

because if he doesn't get this suitcase full of money,

I'm going to be in big trouble with the boss man.

No, never.

I just need a ride as soon as possible.

How soon can you get me to the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel?

Look, if I don't get there tonight, if I don't give him this money

and he doesn't transfer this over, Mr. Big's not going to have his stuff

and he's going to kill me when he gets a hold on me.

You understand?

You need to help me out.

I need transportation to go see Lysol.

His name is Lysol.

We're not making any transfer runs to New York City tonight.

Can I put you through to Lysol so you can explain that to him?

Sure.

All right, hang on.

This is Lysol.

Hi, can I help you, sir?

Yes.

Hey, hey, listen, we're stuck down here in the tunnel.

We're going to need to drive out here and get over.

Any price it takes, we'll pay you to get these.

The case is in cash.

Hand it over to my boss.

I understand, sir, but we're not making any trips out to New York City tonight.

Wow, I digress.

And the car do you got?

We have Lincoln Town Cars.

Excuse me?

We provide Lincoln Town Cars services, but not tonight to New York City.

Now, how many spaces go in there?

How many spaces?

What do you mean spaces, sir?

I'm not quite sure.

How many human spaces go in there?

Human spaces?

Yes.

How many human spaces does it have?

We have three human spaces in our sedan.

All right.

And how many horse spaces in the engine?

You know what, sir?

I'm not sure how many.

Anything else I can help you with?

I terminate the call.

Sounds good, sir.

Have a good night.

Bye.

I almost lost it when he

did he not want to say

whorespaces

like you

whore

you probably thought

you said whorespaces

he came close to saying

whorespaces

but then

I know

I was like

I just I can't say that shit

his boss

is probably right behind him

I don't know how many

of

anyway

that was cool

you lame

no it was good

you saved it

I was lame Tabachi

you were cool

you were Mr. Cool

I forgot to turn my video camera on

shit

Shit.

Atlantic City floodwaters, several feet high.

Doom and gloom.

The Maya was right.

It's the end of the world.

The movie was right.

It was at the day the earth stood still.

Day the earth stood still.

Still.

Thank you.

Gort.

I gotta go grab a drink.

I'll be back.

And then Gort came.

I tried to buy that robot off eBay, but it price went right down, man.

You gotta get with DeathFox in the chatroom.

He's all about collecting toys.

Awesome!

Tom, let's hang out.

I don't know what I'm saying.

You can help me get that.

I just bought two female robots.

Female robots, okay.

They're awesome.

I'm awesome.

Pictures up my neck.

One's named Roxy.

Numbers are on the way.

Roxy.

It's a kitchen bitch robot.

It's got a maid outfit on.

Nice.

TOC already called.

Trenton Star Cab, here we go.

You added a phone number to Bochy?

I'm about to.

In three, two, one.

You're already dead.

You have reached. Please leave a message at the sound of the beep. Thank you and have a nice day.

Please leave a message at the sound of the beep.

Human spaces.

A limo machine. It only fits three people.

How is that a limo?

I don't know.

Prius.

Good phone. A funeral home.

I'm sorry for the call. Please leave a message at the sound of the beep.

Let's call a funeral home and see if they'll drive us around.

I don't know why that popped in my head, but...

That'd be awesome.

We'll just lie down.

you know i should call back who's the guy that i called that i made go out to some

medical subdivision place medical park for uh put a generator in a brothel

yeah the generator guy ah shit i should call him back see if he showed up

it's like there's no fucking massage parlor here i wonder if there's a transit number

new york transit i wonder what building the broken crane is on that's another thing call

people there oh it's the uh it's it's a residential building i know that shit the

It starts with an R.

The Red Bull building?

The Rockefeller Center, is that it?

No.

Rockefeller Center.

That's NBC, ain't it?

Yeah, that's NBC headquarters, yeah.

That's where 30 Rockefeller Center.

Okay, and what are these people again, Tabachi?

I'm sorry, you got a bunch of woods.

They're just people?

Winds.

They all end in wind, and you wanted to tell people to evacuate now, or what was that phrase?

Hunker down?

Hunker down, yeah.

Yeah, hunker down.

I love that saying, man.

hunker down now these aren't verified so i have no idea if they're gonna pick up oh man

but they're all like 60 plus years old which generally rochester rochester maybe something

like that rochester nope no worry i call next one it's the basics did you get into it nope

shit rockefeller pleasure oh if it's there shit now what that's all i got now what come on number

Ring. Ring. Ring-ding.

Here, I've got the phone number.

For Rockefeller Plaza.

Want to call it?

Yeah. Even though I'm wrong about the building.

Alright, this is a fight start

because people are dumb.

So who is this? Mr. Rockefeller? Who am I calling?

I want some tourist site.

Let's see what's here.

It's the day 643881.

Oh, man.

I thought they would answer.

Screw all those numbers.

It's 24-4 hours.

Visit the 67th floor at Top of the Rock Observation Deck

for a fall showcase music series.

Every Wednesday,

starting September 26th through October 17th.

Shut up.

There's lots of stuff in here.

All those shoes.

Nothing's open, though.

Nothing's open, no.

They got 7-Eleven there?

No.

It didn't close that long ago, though.

We should have called Christie's.

Well, you know, probably evacuated.

There's a post office

Oh they never leave

They're there

5pm they close

Come wind nor rain

No snow, no sleet, no grain

That's not completely true

You want to call them

Try to call them

It's 1-800 number

That probably just goes to the stupid

The national thing

Dunkin Donuts

Oh 24 hours

Hell yeah man

in which are the indians what the hell hi who is it you tabachi stop it tabachi open in the window

heck yeah don't do it oh hello yeah hi you're still open yeah listen we want you to close

please we we order you to close this is the united somebody already go no you need to go

right now yeah right now go somebody elevator right where are you going exactly exactly

yeah right now do you have a place to go yeah where did you go where are you gonna go where

yeah you want to come elevator 55 you want to come to my uh come to my house and we can party

yeah joining party um you know what you like kissing sorry sir i i don't understand are you

Are you from India? Bangladesh.

Bangladesh? Terramadiland?

Sorry? Terramadiland.

I don't know. Bhenchod.

Yeah? You're Bhenchod.

Oh my god.

Oh my god. Everything else is closed.

It's hilarious.

Oh my god. That one poor girl.

Oh my god.

Tell her

tornadoes are here.

That's too funny. Oh my god.

Tornadoes. Hurricanes act a lot

lot differently up north yeah yeah this thing doesn't spin off tornadoes or nothing this is

weak no i haven't really seen uh usually down here when the even the feeder bands even hundreds of

miles away from the thing they can kick off tornado but i haven't seen one no i'm not off

this system no nope two this would be fun there's like you remember when we got you remember when

we got charlie and after charlie came well you were in tampa you didn't get charlie we got

charlie and orlando yeah you got you got raked pretty good by charlie it it missed it was headed

for you guys it did a turn it did a turn uh santa bel island kind of right up plana gorda yeah over

there i mean directly the channel yeah and then went direct through orlando through central florida

out daytona beach it just oh wow yeah but what was it um the day after that the feeder bands

started coming from the back of it started coming through and like all these tornadoes

are forming like left and right that's not happening are you right that's it's a weak

weak sauce hurricane i go out there right now and yell at it all right imagine what my neighbors

would say yeah the fat puerto rican guys out there yelling at the hurricane i think he's drinking

why you no fault why don't you blow hard

Why'd you blow out of here?

Why'd you go to Pussy Arcade?

Hey.

Hey, fuck you.

I'll spit in the wind.

It'll hit me back.

It'll be like, ah, you motherfucker.

Yeah, man, piss in the wind.

I'll shoot my gun in the wind.

Hey, Ken.

I'll shoot a gun into the wind.

Paul has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

Whoa.

Ah, Skype's having fun.

Wow.

Okay, here's a website that explains why there's no tornadoes in this storm.

Call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

Is it about science?

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, basically the short of it is that the differences between the air pressures is pretty separated.

It's not unstable.

So you don't have winds going straight to the ground and spinning around and crap.

It's all separated.

Weather.

Now, what are these numbers, Dark Stranger, that you put here?

Give me some 212s.

What are those?

that was the Dunkin Donuts

I already did that right

yeah that was the story

fuck never mind

I like that one Dunkin Donuts

unfortunately all that stuff is closed now

but feel free to harass the Rockefellers

after tomorrow

maybe I'll wrap things up

on the broadcast

I'm running out of ideas

unless we call the west coast

what's the fun in that

yes hi Dunkin Donuts again

listen can you tell me about

You, can you tell me how, how it happens?

No, but I, I, I'm on the center, no.

No?

Why, do you have sister?

Sir, you, thank you, don't tell.

What about?

What are you talking about?

What about madarchod, no?

What about that?

I need a Terry Lund.

Terry, my dear Lund.

My God.

I know.

It's crazy, right?

Too crazy.

No, no, I'm crazy about you.

No?

Yeah, you're a pretty girl.

Girl, I saw you when they're making the donuts on the ice cream, and I like that.

You made the coffee.

Ice coffee?

You made me ice coffee, remember, with cream and Three Splenda?

Remember me?

Ice coffee and...

And Splenda.

I don't...

You know me.

Ice coffee, Three Splenda.

Yeah.

No, I don't.

Do you have a husband?

I have a husband.

You leave your husband and come with me and stay with me tonight.

I'll show you how a real man does a girl.

How a real man takes care of a woman, you know?

I'm Mr. T. That's what they call me, Mr. T.

What's your name?

Mr. T.

Mr. T?

Yeah, I'm Mr. T.

Where?

What?

Where I live?

Yeah.

I live in the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel.

Mm-hmm.

In the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel.

Oh.

All right, come down and sleep with me inside the tunnel.

Yes, sir.

Good night.

Bye.

With the rats.

Come on.

Bye.

You sexy.

Take care of a woman like that.

You sexy, sexy lady.

Hey, Dirty Aaron.

Yo, can you hear me?

Yeah.

All right.

Yo.

Fuck you, Brent Westwood.

What's up?

Are you renting movies with one of my email addresses on Redbox?

No, never.

Some guy in Oregon is doing it.

It's pissing me off.

Oh, Brad Carter.

Blame him.

Yeah, blame Brad.

It's Tron.

Cobra.

Hey, Aaron.

Hey, Cobra.

Hey, bro.

Here, let's blame him.

I'm not even going to ask him.

Oh, I was going to tell you, Carleo, you got to do the, you said a while back, it's

It's been a long time that you're going to...

If we wanted Madhouse email addresses that we could get them?

Yes.

Yes, I do have to do that.

Milkman's.

How many do you need?

You want five of them?

Yeah, five.

I want nunu at madhouse.com.

I'm going to start doing my eBay business through there.

Yeah.

eBay business.

Just start leaving Google comments as Madhouse.

Yeah, that gets the domain out there.

I'm all for it.

It's called the Trenton Firehouse.

No, it's not.

Maybe Lysol could get the name out there.

Lysol.

I want to go meet Lysol and Ashtray so we can get this deal done.

Ashtray.

Sorry, I'm looking for another number here.

I beat Andy this week there, Carlito.

Yeah, I got beat by Evil Artie.

I think my season's just about done, man.

Well, you had Arizona defense, so every time Gore would score, you would lose points.

I would lose points, yeah.

In hindsight, that wasn't the best idea.

What can you do?

This isn't a sports show.

You know, this is a prank call show.

And where's Doonoo to complain about that?

Tabachi doesn't like it either.

He doesn't like sports. It's yucky.

Nah, I just don't give a darn.

I won. I beat Eric. Alex Smith got 38 points.

It's all that matters.

Life is good.

I don't think that's answering.

And I forgot to add Brad.

Yeah, I want to blame him.

Did I ever send this link to people?

One of my friends who works security caught that on tape.

I'm not too sure what to make of it.

Hey, what's up there, legend?

What's going on?

It's flipping cold here.

It's 49 degrees.

Wow.

Hey, man.

Connecting.

What?

What's going on in this video?

I have no idea.

Yeah.

What happened in this video?

What was caught on tape?

I'm confused.

Yeah, I really don't get it.

I do believe that...

Oh!

Oh, there we go.

That was like a little bit of spit.

Oh, okay.

Oh.

Yep.

You've reached the Phone Lovers of America voice mailbox.

If you're calling about the Craigslist ad...

What did she do?

She spit on herself?

Nice.

The classy chick.

Spit on her phone.

She spit for a bit of lube, and then...

No.

Yeah.

No way.

Look at the hipster dude.

Dude looks like the DJ from Delight.

You should...

Hey, Carlito, you should really, really prank call Patrick Murphy.

Patrick Murphy?

Yeah.

Hugh Murphy?

Oh, they look at the kids.

Wow, yeah, it's quite the interesting video.

Wow, and this is a friend of yours that caught this on the security?

Yeah.

Nice.

Wow.

That is crazy.

People.

Anyway.

That's a great way to end things.

I guess so.

And on that note, thank you, guys.

No, awkward.

Sweet dreams.

All right, I think I am ending things because I'm out of ideas.

Pranked out.

You guys want to continue on your own?

Go ahead.

Go for it.

Energy's getting low.

Yeah.

All right, well, good night, guys.

Glad to see you at the bocce.

Peace out.

Everyone else there.

See you later.

Don't pretend there's a milkman.

Shit's on you.

When are you going to do a 24-hour show?

Next year.

When did we do it?

We did it on MLK Day.

That's when we should do it again.

I don't think we'll get the kind of response if we try to get it set up this year.

I always ask for a 24-hour show.

I don't know.

People want to do it.

I'm for it.

I'll take a shift.

Me too.

I stayed up all night last time.

That was fun, though.

Near the end is, like, the best,

because everyone's, like,

hallucinating.

Yeah, but then I came in fresh as a daisy,

and I'm like, all right, let's make a band

with a vacuum cleaner.

It's my band, man.

All right, I'm disconnecting you guys. See ya. Bye.

Bye.

Bye, everybody.

Who do you think you're talking to?

You dope-ass motherfucker.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Shit on you.

Visit us at madhouselive.com.

And they call them Muppets, which is a British term that means a stupid, ignorant person.

Calls (39, 1 h 8 min of 2 h 50 min)

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