I Fry You Penis

I'll fry your penis, your penis.

Cut it up and bring it over.

I'm not playing no fucking games, dude.

I, I fuck you, son of a bitch.

Stop making a stupid comment.

You're out of your crazy mind.

You ain't getting no goddamn dollars.

I'll fuck you.

All my balls.

You're not perfect.

What are you, piss off?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

Good evening, everybody.

It's Madhouse Radio for November the 15th, 2012.

12 is uh yeah we're we're closing up the year man november going going by faster than a motherfucker

as the brothers say i'm carlito your host carlito is the host everybody write that down for tonight

i know you weren't expecting that but i am the host milkman is here hey stupid hey man

your voice your melody is cold in my blood all right going with you man i'm so glad it's your

You're back.

You're tickling our ear balls, man.

I'm trying not to sneeze.

There we go.

I went away.

There you go.

Very good.

I know you've got an episode for all of us madhouse doers here in the militia.

Hey, thanks for jinxing stuff and putting the pressure on in case I do a shit show.

I appreciate that.

It's a big, grunchy, stinking, smoking pile of cleavage tea.

Yeah, well, we got a lot of requests to pranks here already from during the week.

People have sent in their requests to prank suggestions.

And we thank you for those.

I'm sure Lonesome Loser will be joining us shortly.

He's a prank call machine, confirming number, confirming prank call guy.

Don't get too excited.

He's not here yet, Milkman.

All right, let's wait.

But you guys can send your prank requests at any time over at madhouselive.com.

That's the home page website of the show, madhouselive.com.

Use the request to prank feature.

The button's right there on the front page or any page for that matter.

on the site while you're there.

If you're not already, you should be in the chat room

partaking and enjoying the company there

of your fellow Madhouse listeners, fans, and haters.

There's some haters in there, too.

I think we'd all be remiss not to admit

that there's Madhouse haters in the chat room right now,

and that's fine.

They're allowed there also.

Hey, Boricua's back, man.

I got a message from Boricua.

He's back in the chat.

Hey, Boricua.

I hope you guys are hiding your IP addresses because Boricua will steal them

and anything else you leave lying around.

Be sure you put your wallet in your front pocket, not your back pocket.

Right, Milkman?

Remember when you went to Puerto Rico that one time and you got your wallet taken?

And I told you before, I said, hey, Milkman, look,

I know you're going to Puerto Rico on vacation with that girl that you met on the Internet.

Hey, man, don't leave your wallet in your back pocket when you go in Puerto Rico, when you go out.

Never.

And you didn't listen to me.

They took your wallet and everything, remember?

You rented that car.

I was lucky, dude.

I almost got half my ass cheaply smashed so hard at that wallet.

Yeah, you remember someone stole one of your hubcaps off your rental car, too, and you had to go to a junkyard.

I had to hook you up with a junkyard, I remember.

The go-to down there.

You got the Puerto Rican-Buriquan connection.

I got my uncle one.

Because if not, dude, I would have been in big trouble.

I called my uncle on his yellow Nextel.

I didn't know I was with a friend in Manning either.

Drinking orange soda tonight.

It's great stuff, man.

So, hey, send us a request of pranks if you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger.

If you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger, Madhouse Radio is the screen name.

If you are using MSN Messenger, madhouseatlive.com is the screen name.

You can also send your request via Twitter.

Be sure you have added me as a friend.

I have lots of friends.

on Madhouse as well.

Jose says, me too.

He sent out a salutation.

Jose, we need to give a salutation to Jose.

Why?

Hi, Jose.

Why are we giving you a salutation?

He did send a salutation.

He claims he got a new mic,

but that is up to him to justify with you on this relay.

Well, that's up to him to call in later in the show.

We'll see if his new mic isn't a shit.

Prove it.

That's right.

Provide proof.

Verification.

Right.

Yeah, so whatever.

Get your frank request over to us.

We'll do them tonight.

Nothing really to talk about in the news.

Nothing that I give a shit about.

Let me think.

No, nothing.

Nothing at all.

So, hey, let's start off with some pranks.

Let's see what request of pranks we've got here.

I also want to, yeah, Death Talks asked me to plug his website.

It's afchat.com.

I think it's action figures for toys.

Toys, men that have toys.

Grown up adult men that collect toys and dolls.

You go to afchat.com.

That's adult fuckery.

uh i don't know action figure adult fornication you play with dolls you know and they talk about

strategies like if you're playing um if you're playing with uh your dolls like war games with

your dolls like your action figures they uh tell you about strategies on on uh taking taking over

the bedroom and right now yeah they're dressed androgynously yeah i read a whole section about

about g.i. joe versus uh he-man masters of the universe and how even the universe yeah even

though he-man is larger than the g.i. joe action figures uh the g.i. joes do win in strength in

numbers and military experience they have a few seasoned veterans uh in the g.i. joe action figure

universe so anytime you have g.i. joe versus he-man you would think all he-mans are like giants to

of them they'll you know kick them over but they don't they're not that much bigger and gi joe has

tons of awesome weapons like if you have he-man what do you got a fucking uh a fucking cat a gay

cat to get on you know what i mean you can't you can't win a fucking war for the bedroom with uh

he-man on a gay fucking battle cat no gi joe's come down and the gi joe has a fucking space shuttle

they got a fucking space shuttle they got a fucking aircraft carrier dude fuck it and they

They got real hair.

No, I'm talking not those.

I'm talking about the new G.I. Joes, the ones from the 80s, Milkman, before you were in your...

Oh, the little plastic ones that are about the size of your finger.

That's right.

I forgot about those.

The ones that came out for the first time when you were 40 years old.

Yeah, that one.

Oh, you're right.

The ones that I grew up playing with.

Oh, now I remember, young man.

Yeah.

All right.

Hey, I do want to take a shout out, an opportunity to do a shout out to Sweet Kitties.

That's right.

Right, one of our long-standing members here at the Madhouse, Felicia.

Yeah.

She is actually, it's her fault that we actually met the likes of the original Charlie with Father McWhorter

and the Jim Noble calls and the Deborah Mansfield.

All of us that were back in that time and remember Sweet Kisses.

She's the one that provided us with those numbers, and she's out there listening.

And tonight, she's going to try and get us some more good numbers

so we may have some new characters in the Madhouse tonight, Armanito.

though yay okay i gotta request a prank here let's read this because it's long as fuck from

miss blondie 88 miss blondie 88 says i want a guy to call pretending to be jesse's friend

thomas's friend what be his friend thomas's friend anything from fall in the chat she did ask me if

you pgpm do a request that if you received it or does she need to send in a different way i have

Big fall, I have it, and it's on the big board.

Milkman, put it on the big board right away.

All right, it's on the big board.

All right, so you got it.

All right, so anyway, for this request, we got way back when Thomas, Carl, and Aaron lived together in downtown Sacramento.

Sacramento, you don't hear much about Sacramento these days.

I want a prank to be about the gay guy coming on to Jesse and super flirting with him.

And after you guys say you're Thomas' friends, say this and stuff or something.

thing uh miss blondie i you're what you're making me read a lot miss blondie i i can't do that for

the first prank it's gonna i got on the big board milkman put on a big board too make that a second

prank because it's too involved i gotta warm up first big fall says i was selling a love seat for

10 bucks and this guy called me and was rude what an asshole but then said he'd be in by he'd be

buying 10 minutes to look at it and never showed up please call him and tell him you want a free

Free sofa or something from blah, blah, blah, furniture on Main Street.

I don't know his name, but this is his number.

Okay.

I would like to just give him shit for being an asshole about the couch.

Fall, hey, Milkman, I think that I would have more fun if I could give him shit for giving you shit about the couch,

about the love seat that you had for sale for $10.

So if that's okay with Fall.

Fall, did he ever get your address or your personal info, whereas you wouldn't want him to know that, or your real name?

Let me know if I'm clear to give him shit about the way he talked to you

or if I need to stick to something that's not going to come back on you.

Let me know, Big Fall, and then we'll go through with that.

Thank you.

Sorry.

She's on about like a 30-second delay, so she will, I'm sure, respond here.

Well, she's a woman, so then there's the time between her ears, get it,

and she has to replay it four times for her to understand it because she's a woman.

True, and then somebody has to translate it and convert it into English.

Then you've got to say things three times.

God, that pisses me off.

I've got to repeat things to my wife and tell her three times.

Can you rub your belly and tap your head at the same time while you're chewing gum and saying the alphabet backwards?

Can you fist your girlfriend at the same time as you put it in her ass, Milkman?

I don't think you can.

What?

Yeah.

What?

That's what I was asking.

Okay, all I heard was put it in her ass and I didn't hear the other part because I was laughing.

Can you fist her?

Can you, you know, fist her?

Do some fisting while, you know, you put it in her ass.

There's two.

too your girlfriend or boyfriend if you want i don't know i haven't had a girlfriend i could

ever fit dude you never had you've never fisted a girl wow man you've never fisted a girl before

really hell no dude i never had one that wide man everything i had had trouble with too man

all right i'm just wondering i'm trying to see what you've gotten into no i mean there's a time

and a place for that and i'm sure there's there are fans and and aficionados at that that particular

sport it's not mine and if i can't touch those sides i ain't interested all right cool well

here's a guy who has a car speaker box for sale it holds 10 two 10 inch speakers for 25 his name

is big wayne let's give big wayne a call we've got someone selling homemade mexican salsa salsa

seven dollars a quart your call fuck you all right we'll call for the homemade mexican salsa

Salsa Milkman, I got a great idea for this.

Let's pray to God they answer, Milkman.

Pray to God.

Please let them answer.

Yes, hi.

You have the homemade Mexican salsa for sale?

Yeah.

Oh, that's awesome.

Hey, so how much is it for an ounce?

I sell it by the quarter, man.

How do you sell this by the quarter?

It doesn't make any sense.

Well, how much is a quarter?

Why wouldn't it make any sense?

Well, how many J's can you get out of a quart?

i don't i don't measure it by the court i don't measure it by the ounces man i measure it by the

court yeah but how many j's how many how many j's can you get there's just more how many j's

yeah out of a court what are you talking about well you got homemade mexican salsa mexican salsa

right yeah how did you get my number anyways oh you posted it that you're selling weed mexican

that's the code for weed is mexican salsa oh wait a minute you don't have i'm sorry i don't know

what you're talking about you get the wrong number no wait marijuana the code for it is

mexican salsa so it says you have homemade so you got some homegrown herb i'm sorry i don't

know what you're talking what is it is a black diesel no i don't know what you're talking about

man you got the wrong number he says here you're selling weed for seven dollars a quart yeah okay

bye all right let me get two quarts come on that should be a code for weed mexican salsa i like

that homemade mexican salsa oh no he probably does say it sounds like he does right milkman

He used to be like, I don't know what you're talking about, officer.

Yes?

Come on, really.

We're having a party, and, you know, we need some Mexican salsa.

Well, I don't know what to tell you, man.

Yeah, you need to quit calling me.

I make salsa, and that's for food, man.

That's it.

Yeah, so you're not, like, putting the code in, right?

The code that stands for something else?

You're fucking with me, man.

Whoever this is, you're messing with me.

I don't know what you're talking about.

No, I'm serious.

There's a code on the Internet.

Well, I'm serious, too, man.

You don't need to be calling me for that shit, man.

I don't fuck around.

Well, maybe you should change it.

Can you change it?

Because the cops will call you.

You know that, right?

They know about you.

I don't care.

They can call me all they want.

I don't give a shit.

They're going to come arrest you and drag your ass out.

If they want some hot dogs, I'll deliver some hot dogs.

Yeah, well.

If they want it mild, spicy, or very spicy.

Either way they want it.

That's code two.

That's code two for mids, regs, and creepy.

Well, I don't know nothing about that, man.

Because I don't fuck around.

around so you could uh you could use my number or you could come and pick up a quarter with seven

dollars and i'll give you a quarter hot sauce that's all it is if i were you i would change

the wording of that because the cops look for that and they call around and they'll come down

they'll take you down they'll they'll kick you in the ass they'll kick your ass man oh well i

don't know they just come in here all they want motherfuckers i don't give a shit they'll fuck

you up man i'm just looking up for you man because they did it to me i was i was selling

I don't care.

I don't have to pull these.

If they want to keep my fucking door in, they can bring it home, man.

I'm not fucking scared.

I know, right?

I ain't got nothing to hide.

They're taking all our rights away, man.

It's bullshit, right?

That guy sounds like he's a fucking biker or something.

He sounds like he's from Sons of Anarchy.

I don't give a fuck.

Let him come in.

I'll shoot them all.

I'll fuck them all up.

Sounds like he's with the warlocks.

He sounds like he has about half a tooth left in his head.

He sounds like a biker of the fucking warlocks.

A member of the warlocks, like, selling salsa.

Like, oh, fuck, cop.

Oh, fuck a cop up.

Comes in here.

Motherfucker cop.

Let's continue on here.

See what else we can call.

Let's see.

Fall has a response here.

The guy knows my phone number and probably remembers my address.

Ah, shit.

Shit. Well, I guess we can't get too crazy with this.

Oh, man. All right, well, we can mess with them still. It's cool.

Flight restrictions. Well, just flight restrictions.

You know, you're a very creative individual, my friend. I don't know you can mess with them.

Oh, my goodness. Somebody asked in the chat, has Milkman had any more Bulgarian lately?

Actually, there was a small episode that did not make it to the air, but she is doing well.

And she did help to celebrate the birthday from there.

Does she give you a special kiss?

Oh, of course.

Oh, that's good.

Good, man.

I like special kisses.

She gave me a kiss last time about sucking my eyeballs down my belly.

All right.

Thank you, weirdo.

Hey, hey, hey.

It's better than a pistol, Peter.

Better than a .357 and a dick, right?

I guess so.

That's going to be the title of this show, .357 to the Dick.

That's obviously...

Ken's such a weirdo.

That show?

Yeah, Ken's fucking...

He's fucking...

He's perverted, man.

He is really twisted, man.

Man, I thought I wasn't bad.

We got a real, real character here.

That Ken guy, man, dude, is coming home.

That guy.

Okay, let's take a look here.

Seriously, no Request a Pranks.

Request a Pranks are pretty dry tonight.

I don't know what's going on.

I'm kind of let down by you people.

I'll be darned.

You know?

We got some from earlier in the week.

Tabachi sent in one.

Vagina Jones has a reservation for two at the Eldest Regent Hotel in South Korea.

He's checking in tomorrow and staying for two days.

Tobachi sent this yesterday

the owner was some name

sounding like Jason believes Vagina Jones

is a famous equestrian

showing off his horse riding

skills in Korea this weekend

he told Vagina that he

is welcome to call back the hotel

should he have any travel needs

please call this hotel make arrangements for the horse

as a second person

very good Tobachi

it sounds like our friend Tobachi

here took it upon himself

to set up reservations for us in South Korea

under our often-used name,

what we call Japan and other places of the East,

on that side of the world, of Vagina Jones.

Yeah, and Co-America made a few debuts,

but I think Vagina Jones has been the mainstay.

Oh, yeah, Vagina Jones is where it's at, man.

Absolutely.

Abso-fruitly.

Ken said he sent in three requests to Prankster

in the week so i don't know if you got a backlog hello yes hi mushi mushi how are you yes is this

korean hotel hi i have a reservation vagina jones yes for today my name is vagina jones

oh i can't hear you yes hi this is vagina jones and you have reservation yes well well i'm coming

in today today yes and you had told me that i could call back if i needed if i had any travel

I spoke to a Korean man there with slanty eyes who eats rice.

And he said to call back anytime I needed some help.

Was that you?

Did I talk to you?

You?

You.

Did I talk to you?

Okay.

So, do you need reservations in some day?

I have reservations.

I already do.

I already have.

Ah, okay.

May I ask your name?

Vagina Jones.

There is no, no name.

No, there's a reservation there for Jones.

Jones.

J-O-N-E-S

This sucks

On today?

Yes, for today

This sucks

Look for tomorrow then

Tomorrow

You stay today, alright?

Okay, yes

You stay today

And you need

Central double, alright?

Yeah, but I need transportation

When you're

From the airport

I need you to pick up my horse

Yeah

I have a horse

Yeah

I have a horse

horse i need you to pick up the horse please i need you to pick up my horse well do you know

what a horse is oh come on why not what i know yeah but the horse is coming in with me i need

you to come help me pick up the horse and bring him down the horse needs to go on on the elevator

also to the room oh come on please do you have a place for the horse that i can keep them do you

You know a place that they won't eat them?

You know, somewhere where I can take them in Korea

where they won't eat the horse.

Huh?

Come on, something with the horse.

Just something with the horse.

Do something for me with the horse.

Make it funny.

Come on, horse.

Jump up and down on the horse.

All right, I'm going to hang up.

Bye.

Bye, stupid.

Yeah, see ya.

Bye.

Thanks, Tabachi, for sending in a number for a guy

who's A, doesn't speak English,

and B, you can barely hear.

Yay, Tabachi.

to watch he's jerking off because it was an asian he's like a mumbling asian fruitcake

it was a mumble it was a mumbling it's just you know

dinky dow yeah the feminine korean god book of who says grab a big feather and tickle the horse

inappropriately very nice awesome book of poop thank you for making me a young man still no

request to pranks i'm gonna be like katie k and just end the show because fuckers i've got uh

Call of Duty Black Ops 2 over here

that I just bought today, and I still haven't

played it yet. Actually, I rented it.

And I might end up buying it.

But I rented it for PlayStation 3, and if I

like it, I'm going to buy it for the PC.

And I'll do that instead.

If you guys don't want to be done.

It's called Black Ops 2,

Milkman. It's a game that's...

Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah.

VT Shadix has been helping out.

He's going to be putting some YouTube videos up here

for us. That was something that we had

One of our guys, I want to say in Australia, was going to do for us, but it didn't work out.

He never followed up making any more videos for me.

But VT Shadix here really wants to take over.

He's going to be making videos that we're going to be uploading on YouTube.

The reason why he's doing it is because I'm retarded when it comes to video.

I'm good with audio editing.

I'm good.

I can use Audacity.

I can use that Sony program.

I use one called Mixcraft now.

i've been using i've been doing audio cool edit on any of that i can i do just fine with audio

editing but video editing i can't do i suck at video editing it's just not my thing not my thing

one day i'd like to break out into it but it's just not my thing you know it's just like you

know when i when i was in band in middle school we had a band teacher and he was cool as fuck he

played every instrument but he never learned how to play percussion he never knew how to play uh

The drums or the xylophone?

Was he good at playing with the organ?

He could play, oh, yeah, he played the organ really good.

Yeah, he fisted the organ even.

He gets so into it.

I was going to say, damn, man, I mean, did you get calluses?

He got calluses on his calluses.

Everyone, while we're speaking about calluses on your calluses,

don't forget our big annual, my favorite show of the year,

the Pranksgiving show is going to be on.

Pranksgiving, that's right.

That's the name I've come up with for it.

Actually, I saw it on the Disney Channel when I was visiting my nephews, who are six and four, respectively.

They were watching it, and they had something called Pranksgiving, this Thanksgiving week.

And I was like, hey, Pranksgiving, that's a great name.

I don't know why I never thought of that, so I'm stealing that one from ABC Disney.

Pranksgiving show, that's going to be next week.

We'll probably go until really late, like we always do.

We do the Black Friday calls.

We call Guam asking about horses.

um i really think we should try to track down the guy uh that we always talk to ernie in guam

who last time was at a hooters restaurant uh we should we should milkman we should we should

make sure that he is still there okay wow uh now that was enough that was actually a numbers hit

man um submission wasn't it yeah that's and lonesome i don't know if you're here yet if

you're listening yet already but we uh we want to take some time out of this weekend and call

all around make sure because last year he was good at feeling right yeah he had moved restaurants

last year and luckily enough the uh the girl that worked at the old restaurant told us oh he works

at the hooters now here's the phone number if you want to call him and that was really nice to her

very trusting of her and and then ernie got really that kid got really pissed off that we found him

a year later to ask him about masturbating horses again it would be awesome if we did it again this

So let's hopefully we don't lose him, okay?

Yeah, let's definitely get some feeders out there and just check to see what he's about.

And that way, don't drive him off or anything like that.

Don't upset him.

We just want to know if he's around, that's all.

That's right.

And Enigma, or rather, Ken's reminding me that we could just call tonight.

All right, let's find out.

And Ken also has sent me several times to remind me.

He sent in a request for Frank's story in the week.

Did you get that?

Yeah, I'm actually going down the list of the requested pranks from throughout the week.

Okay.

Yeah, totally.

That was his relayed question, man.

He sent it to me.

I thought I'd better ask.

Yeah.

Yeah, thanks, man.

I appreciate it.

All right, let's...

I think this is the Hooters in Guam.

We'll just ask if Ernie works there.

If not, then we know.

I'm not going to prank him right now.

Maybe we can find out what time he'll be there next week.

Well, it's too early for that.

I don't think they set a schedule yet.

Jesus, Carlito, you're so stupid.

I've

reached a number that is

no longer in i feel you have reached this recording in here that's no good

maybe they went out of business oh my no maybe they don't like our number and they have a um

blocked our number and sent it to a call block it's skype milkman it's skype that's not what

it is that's the number i found when i did a quick google search of the hooters in guam

so if anybody wants to try to find one

maybe it's different than the one I just tried

that would be helpful

I'm looking here

maybe if they went out of business we'll never find them again

I don't know that much

I'm on their Facebook page

they don't really have their phone number

they just say they're here

they don't really have any activity either

so I don't think that's it

we'll work on it

we've got some time still

you still catalog a bunch of numbers right

So I'm sure if you dig into your catalog, you may find the actual information.

Yeah, they're all cataloged.

I just don't have the software I use to search that catalog up right now,

and I don't feel like opening it.

Yeah, okay.

All right, so moving on, let's do some more pranks.

You know, if you're new to this show, we've got some new listeners tonight.

Yeah, it's a little different than the podcast that we do, the prank cast,

because that's edited for time.

This is really just an effort for everyone to get together and have a good time.

And I do the pranks, you know, as they come.

Some answer, some don't.

Lonesome loser in the house.

Good.

Lonesome.

Thank you.

Thank you, Lonesome, for being here.

Hello, Lonesome.

It's mine.

The mine that keeps us going on.

Our Big Ken is here sending in a number from earlier in the week, as you said, Milkman.

That Kenner's got some head problems.

You know that.

He's got some serious head problems with the Kenner's desk.

Yeah.

This place claims to custom build

Fixed gear road bike

Claims their custom built

Fixed gear road bike was stolen

They're offering a $500 reward

No questions asked

They went into his garage and stole it

We got pictures of the bike and everything

That's inexpensive

How are you going to give a $500 reward

How much is a bike

I'm sure there's some fucking

Tour de France bikes that are a few thousand bucks

Oh hell yeah dude

Yeah, you know?

I was just looking at a damn, like, you know, low-end comfort bike.

Them motherfuckers are, like, starting out at 500 bucks.

Holy shit.

All right, so I guess there is.

Yeah, I should start building bikes, fucker.

Or stealing them and flipping them.

Son of a bitch.

Look at that.

All right, I'm not able to get up to the Shellcast provider.

That is down completely right now.

So we'll continue the show on Blue Planet and Cacti and on YouTube.

and we'll try a little later

it's a link back

yeah go to blue planet prank radio

everybody if you're listening now

and you're chatting or talking to someone

who can't get it on the madhouse stream

madhouse stream is down

outside of our control not our fault

direct them

yeah direct them to the youtube

channel watch it live

or to cacti

stream if they still have it bookmarked

or just go to blue planet prank radio

We are still up there.

Okay, moving right along.

Let's see what else we got.

Loaned some losers in the house.

He'll be sending in numbers here pretty soon.

Well, we do have this stolen bike here that Ken sent in earlier in the week.

Sorry, $500 reward being offered for a bike that was stolen from this young man.

I don't know if it's a young man.

Let's find out.

Tucker, next prank of the night.

How would a fucker have a party?

You know, I'm not restricted to go just to 1 o'clock anymore.

I don't have to work.

so we can go a little later we can have i'm the one i have to go to bed hello sir yes i understand

you have the bike that you're offering a reward for that you had stolen yeah i am i know who stole

this bike okay his name is lysol what his name is lysol do you have anything to do with him or

anything lysol do you know a guy named lysol no do you know why he would have done this uh no

yeah i don't know either i'm just trying to find out because we get into an argument see his kids

got into a fight with my kid at the bus stop and it turns out that he he either he or his kid he's

got a 10 year old kid that that have the same bike they had it together and i look at i look

at the picture on there and it looks like that and then i overheard the kid saying that they

were talking about how they were going to steal my son's bike just like they stole the guy's bike

like the bike that they had, that they were riding.

And it's exactly the same.

And they don't know that I kind of know a little bit

because I used to work for a bike store at a university, you know.

And I could see, you know, the fixed gear and all that.

And, you know, I know my bikes, and I saw that.

I swear to God, that's Lysol has your bike.

Do you know where this guy lives?

Well, yeah, but he's a dangerous person.

I don't care about that. I'll call the police.

no you don't do you want me to talk to him first or something or about it i i guess so i mean that's

my property you know i want to get it back yeah what i'll do is i think i'll i can steal it back

from him because he just leaves it on the side of his house and just the other day i mean my wife

and i were just just yet no he leaves it on the side of his house he doesn't even have a shed or

anything he just he has just a like a four square house and he leaves his stuff he he even has his

His lawnmower is there, which I think he stole.

But me and my wife noticed that he keeps, like, the gas cans for the lawnmower on the side of the house even.

And we can even, like, take that and stuff and burn things.

No, I'm not.

What?

Well, do you want me to have a talk with him first and see if I can calm him down?

Because, like I said, he's a dangerous man.

He's very dangerous.

Oh, he's gone.

That was kind of stupid.

I'll call him back anyway.

I need a shave, Milkman.

I'm looking at the video myself.

I'm refusing to shave until I have a job for you.

It looks bad.

Do we get to sit closer to a razor?

Well, I got to shave for Thanksgiving because I'm going to be around family.

What?

My wife's family.

Who cares about them?

Looks like coffee.

And they're my real family.

Instead of having Wilson the ball, we'll have Milena the boo.

Shut up.

Leave a message.

Hey, that's like my message.

I just say leave a message.

That's awesome.

My guy's smart.

Yeah, it's copying.

Isn't that copyright infringement?

No.

Anyway, you already stole that from me, too.

His voicemail is leave a message.

And he's like, that was a great idea, Carlito.

I got that from your voicemail.

This is like my personal cell phone voicemail.

He copies everything.

He's another guy.

We should talk to him.

You know?

He's had news for us for a while now.

Let me call him first on the cell phone, see what he's doing.

Big fat Artie.

He had something crazy happening.

Big fat Artie.

Do my call, please.

Next, says Paul.

Look for my request.

I got the request.

Thank you.

Ken, you sent another one, Ken?

All right.

right i'll take a look man for titted kilt tilted kilt i don't get tilted why'd you speak american

guy hey quiet milkman hey big guy you want to be on the show are you busy all right i'm gonna call

you on skype from skype now all right give me like two minutes two minutes see ya all right

we'll have already here in about two minutes to regale you with his stories of of bachelorhood

of a 22 everybody put your fingers on the volume control and air mono please don't let him blow

He knows not to do that though

He knows to keep the phone away now

I'm easy to get along with

But that's just one thing

You get pissed off

You yelled at him once a few months ago

You're like can you hear me

I know I got pissed off

I said can't you fucking hear me

Shut up

You know I'm not a rude guy

But damn I got pissed

He's got a bit of the Asperger's

You know

Well I don't have nothing against him

is just fucking back off a little bit on the mic and we'll all get along a lot better or our

listeners will enjoy it and i'll complain less here's a stolen bmx bike let's talk to more people

about how lysol likes to steal stuff milkman what race do you think lysol should be what race yes

what ethnicity what race um i would put it as white because like mr clean is white so they're

kind of like in the same genre so i'm kind of thinking like hospitals have uh traditionally

white outfits and uniforms i'll just go with white for that

hello yes hi i'm calling about this stolen bmx bike what the stolen bmx bike oh yeah yeah i think

i know who took that uh do you know who well his name is lysol do you know him no but is he black

yeah yeah i think he's the one that took my bike because i've been looking for over the past six

yeah lysol um i got into all we were at the bar and we got into like a fight and he was on his he

was on his bike and he said that if i didn't shut up he was going to steal my bike uh just like he

stole the one that he was dry that he was using and he doesn't know he lives down the street but

he doesn't know i used to sell bikes so i know all about bikes and i know that was uh you know i could

tell you know what kind of bike it was it's a hyper 19 you know yeah and and he didn't i mean i

I know, I used to sell bikes for a living for about five years.

And I see here now that this is what he took from you.

Is there any way you can get it back?

Yeah, I was thinking, hey, he's kind of dangerous, though.

He's kind of like a violent man, you know?

What do you think?

Like, he leaves the bike on the side of the house.

Like, he just leaves it on the side, like laying on the wall, laying against it.

he doesn't put away and he's got his lawnmower there and everything like he just leaves it there

he doesn't even cover it up or nothing he just sits there so i'm thinking i'm thinking that we

can like maybe you can go and knock on the door yeah you know and while you and you distract him

and while you're distracting him then i'll go ahead and steal the fucking you know steal the

fucking bike back for you yeah um can you text me is that just from here um yeah i mean when could

you i mean but let's come up with a plan like when do you want to do it tonight or do you want

gonna wait yeah probably tonight but can you text me though because i'm like really busy right now

what are you doing all right thanks what are you doing the fuck that's more important than

getting the mic back jacking off i don't know maybe he was getting laid milkman maybe he's

getting some of that uh belgian you know i don't know about that dude i don't think he could take

that shit see so what is it for your birthday on halloween you got the belgian belgian uh belgian

brain is that what you got it i didn't say anything about belgium what is it what is she

bulgarian brain you got some bulgarian head bulgarian brain does she does she shave at all

is she shaving or kind of hairy what's up oh dude dude she's fucking she is fucking hot man i don't

think i ever showed you a picture of her did i oh no i want to so do you have any naked pictures

yourself or oh yeah she actually she's got some naked pictures you know i got yeah well hook me

on the website.

All right.

Well, I'm not going to put it.

I'm not going to post them

because she's my friend,

but yes, they do exist.

Ah, no, I wouldn't buy it.

And they are able

to be found on the internet.

Well, send them to me

there on Gort, all right?

And I'll look at those tonight

after the show

with my iPad,

on my iPad,

with my flashlight.

Bitch is fucking hot, man.

All right.

She's got a fucking body on her

and won't quit, man.

In a long way,

go all the way to heaven.

Woo!

Look, man,

you should take a video.

You should ask her.

She's got a six-pack, too, man.

I'm serious, dude.

Oh, yeah? And you got a whole keg.

So, that's a fucking frat party right there.

There you go, man.

Anyway, are you sure...

Wait a minute, are you sure it's not a dude?

This Bulgarian quote-unquote chick?

You sure it's not a Bulgarian dude?

Hell no, dude.

I ain't no flavor, man.

I ain't no...

Well, you might not know, Milkman.

Milkman, you might not know.

You might not know.

What?

She might have been one at some point.

Dude, it's got a slot, dude.

and i know what a slot looks like trust me man i've been around one or two but at one point

but is is it a fucking uh did a doctor make that slot for for it or there is no surgery

but this is a masterpiece of nature how would you know that look when you're in california

like you're in california like the masters of that surgery live there in miami in california

in miami it's very plausible well it was actually you know where do you know where

the surgery was originally um started and performed that was germany nazi germany nazi germany uh who

created it hitler one of his associates oh yeah werner von brahm you're close dr mengel you're

exactly right dr mengel no wait a minute milkman hang on so are you 100 sure you don't like has

she ever has she ever like before you had sex with her has she said she has to go to the bathroom

does she do that every time she has to go to the bathroom first no dude like uh like we just got

down dude and she like i don't know dude she's like a squirter man so she's like really fucking

you know she really put me down man i was like wow it's fun dude yeah i just got an i got a

feeling that this might might have been a man at some point and you don't know milkman you don't

know and it's not your fault that you don't know and it's got the wrong person on the phone to be

to be wondering

what

Artie is going to call in

and you should

inquire

about that

but I guarantee

my girls are alright

alright let's call Artie

the madhouse

shoutcast still there

what about that

K2 whore he had

man

he had that damn

K2 whore

he put in the hospital

and then

I don't know

she was trying to sue him

and

you want to ask us

then I lost track of everything

we can ask

let's see

connecting him now

and we'll move on

with the pranks

Lonesome said again

his number

no numbers from Lonesome yet

Lonesome

Well, I don't know, Sam.

Help me out.

Hoss.

Hey, man.

Hey, what's up, buddy?

We're trying to figure out if Milkman's ever been with a post-transvestite.

I bet he has.

Well, he might not know.

I got a feeling he might not know it, you know?

Well, when I was on Howard Stern, there was this character on there named KDK.

And, yeah, he was in on that episode.

Yeah, well, there you go.

No, that eliminates one possibility.

Artie, have you ever been with a girl and she says she has to use the bathroom before she does a deed with you?

Has that ever happened?

Since 90% of my sex was while I was really high, I kind of assumed that it's happened.

So I can't remember a specific time.

Did you ever find that your fist would get calluses on it?

No, not at all.

You ever fisted a girl, Artie?

No.

Would you do it, Artie, if you had a girl?

if you had a girl let's say a 40 year old hot looking milfy girl you know with you and she

was like hey i already want you to you know fist me you know i get down like that would you my dick

bigger than my fist so i might as well put my dick in there uh so you wouldn't fist a girl is

what you're saying okay we're just um i might if it's the one you know about then yeah he's

imagination is even bigger yet that was that was a good one i thought yeah i i found out a surefire

fire away to get a woman in the bed though uh what's that well i only texted at once i gave

her a foot rub oh yeah yeah within five fucking minutes she was on top of me you like foot stuff

no but she wants she said her feet really hurt and she's like would you give me a foot rub

oh shit all right yeah i yeah you can also do back rubs man yeah that worked that's been working

for me for the past year and a half yeah because from the back rub you move down and you sneak a

a finger in and you're where you get the fire i'm gone and you get there quicker i start grabbing

her ass and like she'll be like no stop and then once you stop saying stop i know i'm she doesn't

really mean stop though i know that's why i keep doing it like five minutes later she doesn't

really mean stop she says stop but she doesn't really mean it yeah anyway man we're gonna get

another call with arty and the police i can just feel it right now i can just hear the beginnings

things of it yeah hey uh arty i'm not working right now i'm i'm out of work for the next few

weeks hopefully not so long but we should uh start prank remember we used to prank in the

afternoons those uh chat lines and shit yeah we should do some daytime pranks are you ever around

i mean what time do you wake up no i'm never around oh you are actually always around you're

always around calling you and that girl that girl of yours anyway i'm actually picking her up in the

morning you're gonna banger awesome i don't know if we'll have sex but i give it a 50 you get that

brain that's what you need hey i got a jamaican restaurant down on me anymore ew well do you

shave are you trimming down there yeah yeah yeah you gotta trim i don't care i get to i get

sticking in the pink two in the pink one in the stink you know uh you've heard that before right

the shocker yeah yeah you know jim stewart jim stewart until like a week ago he had never heard

heard of that phrase before he thought it was the funniest thing ever oh my god he would shut up

about it the whole show it's the funniest thing my brother never had a mustache ride but he knows

about beards calling peter hey man are you good hello you all right you good yeah i'm good yeah

what's up hey man can i get that special which one uh lysol said the call and said there was a

special here you know what i mean i get we have a jerk chicken special and a car chicken special

for five dollars oh is that the one that comes with the herb with the herb yeah no we don't have

that oh what do you have with the herb like what do i say nothing there's something there's a secret

code huh yeah trevor trevor from the yard told me and he told me and lysol were telling me that

you could get herb from here if he called in they sent me man what's up you said you're good

he said it was good right he will already that means that that means you're good you're good

Good, you know, you got it.

I wasn't really paying attention, I'm sorry.

Yeah, that's fine, thank you.

Would you like to do a prank call to a Jamaican restaurant?

No, different one.

Or the same place.

I haven't done a prank in like a year.

Oh, well, if you don't want to, that's fine.

Just sit there and listen, all right?

I have a bit of some performance anxiety.

That's okay.

But fuck it.

Well, come on, there was these stories.

You had like two of them that you wanted to say

and they keep trying to get you on the show.

Do you remember what they are?

What's happened with girls recently in you?

Do we have enough time for that?

What about the meth heads?

What's up with the meth heads?

Already started hanging out with meth heads, Milkman.

Do I need to tell that story?

How did you meet the meth heads?

Tell them about this.

Listen to this, Milkman.

This is bullshit.

...explain of it by saying meth heads, though.

That's all right.

That leaves plenty and plenty of expectation.

Yeah, I go to Dunkin' Donuts,

and I was going there for about a month or two before this,

and there was this chick there working there,

and her name was Michelle, I think.

Now people are going to call there for Michelle.

dinner to relive i'll let it i don't care don't worry about it all right anyway go should be funny

but um i got her number and then i called her i think this was like the night of my birthday back

in september and some guy answers and i kind of descended the conversation and i texted her like

sober sometime and the guy calls back and it ends up being her husband my dumb ass wasn't hung out

with him at three in the morning thinking he had weed and nothing bad happened but he ended up

me a math ed and he brought me around other math ed fucking weird yeah it was and so didn't you

say you went over and you smoked you like so you called looking for a date with the girl you didn't

know she was married her husband picks up the phone when you call and then he proceeds to have

you come over and hang out with him yeah and well i also knew that his mom this old lady who works

with dunkin donuts he said that's his mom uh-huh but yeah my mom's debbie i'm like oh shit okay

That'd be really cool.

So I figured I'd be kind of safe.

Wow.

Yeah.

So didn't you take them?

Yeah.

You said you went to move, you went to help them move their stuff and you only knew them

for like 24 hours or something, right?

Yeah.

I didn't know I was going to help them move their stuff.

But you did it anyway.

But I would bring one dude back.

I figured it wouldn't matter if I brought these other two people.

Then they start packing shit in my car.

I'm like, what do I say?

Yeah.

Well, I would do, because I kept telling you, you know, they probably had like some

fucking shit, some meth and shit they were probably packing out, whatever drugs they

or a fucking reason you know and you're sitting or driving around that town you know how that town

is they'll lock you up throw the key away man yeah it was like right up behind um yeah fucking

that place every day it gets worse and worse i don't know how you even live next door to that

place i leave that place bleeds over i guess you guys are getting the train though where you're at

right it's coming through again that new train the one the the fucking sun rail that goes to

orlando and shit oh yeah yeah you could take trips to orlando yeah i'd rather hop in my car

yeah hey i might be going to orlando soon i might be there i don't know to be determined uh but hey

if if i do i'm gonna need your help i'm gonna need someone to pick me up from the airport

well here's why i'm asking uh arties i can't i don't drive very well anymore i got only the one

eye so i need i need a chauffeur there's a few oh like i want to go to bay ridge so you might as

as well go with me while you're there you know yeah sure and then i want to go i want to go to

the old cigar place over there um she'd be down for that there you go fuck yeah all right hey

we're gonna do a prank call this is to a domino's call up and make a large order for delivery then

cancel the black manager working there will fly off his chain i want to do this okay all right

so we're gonna call and uh do a order and then we're gonna call back later that's how we do it

all right so for the first for the first call just call and do a straight up order all right

and don't and don't and just say okay i'll be there to pick it up so you're gonna pick it up

all right there you go pop big guy pops come on come on come on ring yes that was down damn it

man why do i always get dead numbers well how's the dominoes not picking up that's what i want to

know whatever happened during football fantasy football league i've not heard a mention of that

that in a while already you're doing pretty good i i lost again i lost his i climb last week man

i had my bye week last week oh yeah let me see ernie's horse monger you had ernie uh you had

uh richie's team yeah let me look i was i was i'm not hurt in anything for a while so like who's all

the way up who's on top right now i think aaron's up there let me see i'll tell you right now i'm in

second place in my division one of the playoffs apparently lonesome loser is having a real real

difference of opinions with the referees

as you can notice here in the chat.

Fucking cocksucking, tranny

loving, jizz cuddling, sack

munching retard. Fuck you refs.

That's a touchdown.

Yeah, yeah. Lonesome takes his full. I talk

NFL with him most weekends around

Sunday night. I usually

talk to him after all the games. I like

talking to Lonesome

because he's always got

similarly I like talking to him. Lonesome

is a cool dude. Or do you talk to Lonesome?

You don't want to talk to him if Miami lost.

Yeah, oh, dude, yeah.

If the Dolphins are doing bad or they're losing, yeah.

Artie, didn't he throw something across the room once you were talking to him?

What happened?

Yeah.

Because, yeah.

All right, let me look at the standings here.

Yeah, he's a cool dude.

He's like a football encyclopedia, too.

Like, if I want to know something, I'll be like, hey, dude, what's this?

and he'll know he'd be a perfect fantasy player for sure man all right so looking at the records

here dirty aaron is number one in his division right above you arty and that's because you got

a tie you got stuck with a tie game you tied with zyklon a long time ago like week two or something

i think yeah week three if not you'd be tied i'll be behind him man but because he beat me

yeah and that division that's the west division uh uh andy comes in next and then zyklon after

that what place are you in i think i'm next to last let me points wise i got 400.4 100 so i am

third from last i'm some seventh how many people in our league 12 holy shit i'm down there dude

yeah i might not even make the playoffs at this point i doubt i'll make i think the playoffs start

like in a week or two in our league yeah uh i had a fucking crazy game you know doug martin

yeah a couple weeks ago you know how many points that running back put up no 64 dude oh wow

awesome he fucking won me my game yeah uh what's his face that ritter guy he's up uh he's uh up on

the east coast uh eric my friend eric who's in the league he's next after that yeah see i'm way down

down there ken's just ken's ahead of me everyone's ahead of me the only people the only people doing

worse to me is rachie who's only won one game the whole season uh the the guy in chicago who just

listens to the podcast uh i'm losing to him i mean i'm beating him out and then and then i'm the next

guy i'm third from the bottom well no actually actually lonesome is below me it looks like here

according to this no

No, no, he's ahead of me.

Never mind.

Yeah, funny.

I'm on top of Lonesome all the time, every night.

Nunu says in the chat that he's into gay sports.

Nunu's into gay sports.

That's why he listens to KDK, he says.

All right.

How many funny gay footballs all the players are gay?

I'm sure that happens.

Right, and every time they tackle each other, they start crying.

Yeah, I know.

Okay.

They're crying.

We've got more Jamaican food, bitches.

Let's do it.

The uniforms will be a lot prettier.

Did you get Paul's pranks out of the way?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

here's fall's prank i'm sorry uh that's pretty cool uh fall why don't you let me know you had

a ten dollar fucking love seat oh my god that's a good deal milkman for uh ten dollar love seat

for ten dollars as long as it doesn't have any ticks you know like arty's house is full of ticks

i got this hello big ron can't answer the phone milkman doesn't sweet kisses breed dogs or

something wasn't that milkman's son she uh she's a retired breeder oh yeah she uh her her um was

her damn she retired her damn finally she should look into masturbating the horses uh the dogs

rather you know and selling that yeah yeah she could probably make some money with that no i'm

serious you know i'm not trying to sound stupid if they're good it would it actually would probably

make you an awesome you know an awesome video okay that's not what i was getting at i was i

I was talking about selling her dog's semen for procreation purposes

because they're pedigree dogs, Milkman.

I wasn't talking about making them horny.

She's dead.

She asked who's dead.

There you go.

She's giving them a flashlight.

Oh, this is the dominoes already.

Trying to see if they'll pick up now.

I'll call someone about dog semen.

Dog semen.

Ugh.

How come RBCP didn't send in any customer numbers tonight?

Come on, Bradley.

What happened, man?

Come on, man.

He always sends in good numbers for people who've done stuff,

like they've left their computers for repair or phones for repair,

stuff like that, you know?

Marty, RBCP does it a lot.

You've been around for those calls, haven't you?

I don't think you've experienced any of those, Marty.

I've heard some of them.

I just want to know how he gets them.

You've got to watch the snow plow show for the answer to that.

Are you looking at the chat here, Nene, going off, man?

About what?

About fantasy football?

He doesn't like it?

He's got a real gay attitude towards football, period.

American football.

Well, whatever.

We can't all be soccer players.

And we can't all be KDK fans, either.

Soccer.

Thank you.

Real men don't play soccer.

What the hell is soccer, anyway?

Well, they say soccer and they say football.

You know what I mean?

What the hell is a soccer?

I know what a football is, but what's a soccer?

I don't know.

Men running across the field in short shorts.

Yeah, but where did the term come from, right?

I don't know that one.

That's weird.

I heard it.

Technically, okay, not being a dumbass and smartass,

I actually heard the other day that soccer and football are two different names

for pretty well the same sport.

I guess football is the biggest name for soccer in the world,

and also there's a soccer league that's mixed up with it.

So other players, I don't know.

You just realized the rest of the world, other than America, calls it football?

Seriously?

Did you really just know that?

No, I didn't just realize that, but, you know, I mean, I'm like, why is there a difference between soccer and football?

My question is, A, why do Americans call it soccer and the rest of the world calls it football?

I'm not harping.

I don't care why or what it's really called.

I'm just asking, why is there that rift between the way it's called here?

here and because even in spanish they call it football you know yeah you know so because

you use your foot on the ball yeah so why and then b where did the word soccer i'm just looking

for the the nomenclature soccer what is it is a celtic or something like who was there a doctor

what is it the etymology right the origin of the word of the word to describe the game where is

is that from where is it from is it from from rome from freaking latin or something i don't know

i'm just curious football makes sense football there you go hey well okay okay so now conversely

then american football what is the football part in you don't use your really foot on the ball but

are you running the ball with your foot yeah it's like you know kind of like foot soldier you know

like football like you're running it you know you're using your feet to move it up yeah and

And you kick it.

So they're talking about conveying yourself around or if you need to game with your feet on your feet carrying the ball.

Yeah, that would be my guess.

That would be my guess.

I've got a good 85%.

I'll tell you what, lots of losers probably could answer this one.

I bet he could.

He is rather knowledgeable.

I bet he could.

What?

Artie's making me laugh here.

So guess where I might be going tomorrow.

Let's see.

Bermuda.

Bay Ridge.

Fuck, man.

Man, that's what I want, some Bay Ridge, all-you-can-eat sushi, motherfucker.

How much is it, $24?

It's $22 now.

It used to be $20 even.

Yeah, but, hey, that's the best $22 you can spend, man.

Yeah.

It's like me and Tasha's place now.

Hell, yeah, but you got to have a place, man, already.

Good for you, man.

You got to have a place.

Got to have a place, man.

We got Izumiya Restaurant.

I don't know what that is, but let's call it Izumiya.

Woo, Izumiya.

I'm so excited about this.

I'm actually going to be crashing here pretty soon now.

Bye.

You're crashing.

crashing milkman's crashing you're all crashing bye arty not yet oh okay okay probably in the next

20 minutes though why i gotta be up at seven oh no why is there a restaurant how can i help you

so let's make an order please we don't take all the over the phone oh so what can i do you not do

a takeout at all like can i go there and ask for it would you take out but you have to order

the personal dinner restaurant. Can I ask you if you have something stupid on the menu, please?

I'm sorry? Can I ask you if you have something on the menu? We have, our restaurant's busy right

now. Okay, honey. I can't stay on the phone with you. I just need to ask if you have one item on

your menu, and if you do, you tell me how much it is. What's the problem here? There's no problem.

Okay, well, do you have the menu in front of you? No, I don't have a menu in front of me. Do you

You know everything on the menu by heart and the price and all that?

Well, we can't stand on the phone with you very long.

We don't take order over the phone.

I cannot go through the menu over the phone with you.

You've wasted more time explaining it than actually doing it and helping me out.

Stupid.

I want to call her.

All right.

There you go.

We can't go hang the phone.

I think she has Asperger's.

Thank you for calling me.

How can I help you?

Hi, would you like to place an order, please?

We cannot make phone orders.

Hi, would you, can I send you a postcard with my order then?

No, you actually have to physically be here.

I'm sorry, that's just the restaurant's rule.

Could I possibly send it through email?

I can send it through a postcard.

I can even send a horse messenger if you like.

No, you cannot. I'm sorry.

Horse?

Would you like a big old horse to come up to you?

Well, if you want to order anything to go, you'll have to physically be here.

Thank you.

Do you like big horses?

Horses?

Yeah, do you like big horses?

Wait, I, well, I'm not understanding what you're talking about.

You know when they're big penises, I know they're your vagina?

Aww.

Oh, Ari.

I wanted to make an order through the mail.

Send a horse messenger.

A horse?

I had to say a horse.

I got a funny one.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

Izumiya?

Yes.

I made an order like 20 minutes ago, and your guy still hasn't come here with the stupid food.

You have that extra 10 minutes of extra time.

I will suggest you to do something more productive than calling a prank call to us.

Well, it's been 20 minutes, not 10 minutes, honey, and I still have my stupid food.

You stupid.

Okay, I'm not.

I don't care if it's 20 minutes or 10 minutes, but I'm actually putting you on recording,

and if you really want, we can actually call the investigators to put this phone on track.

So please hang up right now and do not call anymore.

I have every investigator and judge in my payroll.

Oh, she's not listening, but it's true.

This is a whole town.

already is i got him yeah he's gonna have an investigated we gotta call back we better stop

you want to call back all right cool yeah there we go i was gonna say we better stop bothering

him but you're right yeah fuck it right they're gonna be assholes and get us investigated i hope

you guys are enjoying the show i am i'm enjoying i have a little pair of scissors already i'm

snapping them you hear them start talking to them about recording laws uh yeah and if she's

recording why did she just pick up she's so brazen i'm recording it too big deal sushi yusho

arty what's your favorite sushi what do you like to get you like to get my i like the shrimp tempura

you know that's my favorite oh hell yeah man that crunch is so good fucker so good i and you may

need to go there tomorrow actually what do you do with the tail piece you know the piece on the

tail do you eat that first i say i eat most of it yeah but i i leave the tail piece for last

The last, the end piece is my favorite one.

The best part.

It's got the dark meat of the shrimp, man.

That's where the dark meat is on the shrimp is the tail.

I know you like the dark meat.

Yeah, I love dark meat.

Do you like African American men?

No.

Oh, hey, my friend Artie's going to do this call.

Something about sushi.

You have sushi there, right?

Well, obviously.

Artie, do you have the shrimp tempura roll?

You stupid guy.

What an asshole.

Stupid man.

Osabi Japanese restaurant.

Sorry, Artie, that was my fault, you know.

I sandbagged you.

Do you have to go yet?

Yeah, you spend it.

If you've got to go, just go, all right?

Tell me.

Be a man and tell me if you've got to go.

Don't get your panties in a wad.

Can I help you?

Yes, I need to make an order for a shrimp tempura.

Who can do it the fastest?

Pardon me?

You can make a shrimp tempura.

You win.

You can make me a shrimp tempura roll.

How much is it?

Shrimp tempura roll, $5.95 each.

Okay.

Hold on.

I have this roll that I like to eat.

I'm going to spell it out for you.

No, I don't understand.

Are you playing a game?

No, I'm not playing a game.

You said you want a shrimp tempura roll.

Yeah, I want that, but there's another one I'd like.

Okay.

What is the other one?

I'm going to spell it out, okay?

It's called a V-A...

Vagina roll?

Vagina roll.

How do you make the vagina roll?

Go for it.

Do you want me to fry it for you?

Do you want me to fry the vagina for you?

No, you just take the bitch and you put her in the bed and you keep making her roll over and over in the bed until she falls off the bed.

So why are you playing a game with me?

Then you jerk off in front of her.

I wanted to, you know what, I wanted to fry the penis, your penis for you.

Bring it over.

A penis roll.

Sounds good.

Yeah, I'll fry your penis, your penis.

Oh, dear.

Cut it up and bring it over.

Oh, wow.

I'll fry it for you.

Will you suck it on it, suck on it first and clean it?

Holy shit.

Wow.

She wants to fry our penis.

You see, Milkman, that continues the whole investigative story we're doing here on Madhouse already.

I don't know if you knew about it, but someone recently threatened to shoot

a gin steward in the penis, and we came to the conclusion

women seem to have a propensity to use that as a threat against men.

Oh, yeah, my girl uses it all the time.

You see?

To cut off my penis.

You see, Milkman, there's more evidence.

Put that on the big board, because that's more evidence.

Well, then again, Tasha's a really violent woman anyway.

Yeah, what woman isn't that time of the month?

We need to call a drug store, like, right now, because I have a question for them.

Okay.

I wonder if they have a pill that will make my girlfriend normal.

Like a Walgreens you want?

Yeah, just call them and be like, hey, do you have a pill that will help remove my girlfriend's head from her ass?

Oh, God.

All right, let me look for that.

Hang on.

I can get that.

Give me a second.

To remove her head from her ass.

You know, Artie, what prank I was listening to the other day was the one where you called and you said your name was Cocaine Heroin.

and your and your birthday was 420 and the pharmacy she was like she called you out on it

she's like i know you're not fucking you're not your birthday's not 420 and i know your name's

not cocaine heroin well stop calling that was really funny okay anyway that was based on did

you ever see um get him to the greek that's where you got it from right yeah he goes up to the front

desk at the hotel and he's like i'm looking for a guest his name is h-e-r-o-i-n and the guy just

happened to be a dealer that's cool all right give me a moment while i look for a uh what's

i'm gonna call it a walgreens here so are they still selling that since they don't sell that

synthetic shit over in florida anymore do they i don't know ever since my little um episodes of

that shit i've been off of it you ever hear from that broad again from that chick that

overdose in your car yeah like i i hung out with her new year's eve after that actually

oh god and how does she seem like she was on pills oh that was like a year ago holy shit

yeah it was like two days before christmas all right i'm looking for it seemed like christmas

time is starting earlier and earlier and earlier every year yeah well that yeah that and it seems

like like thanksgiving is really early this year halfway through october they put a christmas tree

up at Walmart.

Oh, yeah.

Those have been up

for over a month now.

A lot of that shit's

been up already.

Yeah.

I don't even...

I'm like, come on.

I don't want to be

screwed, but it's not

even Thanksgiving yet.

Yeah.

Let me think of a city

here.

Are there Walgreens

in California?

Let's find out.

Los Angeles.

I want to call one

in the ghetto.

Milkman, what's a

ghetto part of Los

Angeles?

Or San Francisco?

Where should I go?

Oakland, Milkman?

Oakland, California?

Is that pretty ghetto?

Is Milkman even here?

He's with his tranny.

Ha ha.

Milkman.

Fuck, I forgot to get the GoFoods at my brother's house.

Thanks, Carlito.

At least you didn't forget at the store.

I hate it when I do that.

I get so mad.

I'm going to go with East 18th Street for a Walgreens in the ghetto.

Sounds pretty ghetto, right?

18th Street.

All right.

Yeah.

What are we calling now?

Trying to get Milkman back on, but he's not picking up.

I'm going to have to drop him.

All right, here's...

Sorry, I'm not able to take your call.

Here's your Walgreens.

Thank you for calling Walgreens.

located at southeast corner of with convenient pharmacy drive-thru service so it's funny you

know what happened to my girl oh what happened um she lives she's living back with her mom now

and her mom went through her stuff and found her weed oh what a bitch really a half-eighth of really

good shit man what about her bowl she find her bowl i don't know that's my fucking bowl oh shit

you better get that bowl back you better she better get you a bowl it's like our bowl bullshit

our bowl well you're married stop being a pussy you're not married our bowl is your bowl you

You bought it, it's yours, damn it.

Unless you bought it as a gift, it's your fucking bowl.

You better tell her that shit.

You better take care of that now, early, before you start settling down with this.

Oh, I'm serious.

Be like, nah, it's my shit.

It's actually really pretty now that she's been using it because it's all blue and shit.

Yeah.

The other day I told my wife, tone it down.

She thinks that my iPad's her iPad, using it, reading stupid books.

The fucking Kindle app on there says, hey, where's my iPad?

Where's the battery?

So, oh, I was reading a book.

I was like, yeah, fuck you, go.

go call the walgreens um on the corner there by me you know what i'm talking about well i was

trying to not call locally uh yeah they're 24 hours right yeah that blockbuster's still there

oh it's still open oh my god they're hiring actually what the fuck well because of christmas

that's why the holidays threw you back on hold huh they threw you back on hold asshole that's

what i said here we go here's your stupid one your local walgreens didn't i take you there

ones for meds yeah they have that nasty coffee there calling walgreens i got a question do you

guys sell an over-the-counter over-the-counter pill that will help my girlfriend not be an idiot

you talking like memory loss or no she's just a fucking moron also wondering if you have another

pill that will help remove her head out of her ass lately i do apologize there's really nothing

i can think of to recommend um well what do you use not be a normal woman actually i'm on no

no medication. Oh, really? Does your boyfriend have a problem with you being an idiot? I'm

single, and I don't think that I'm an idiot. Well, what's your number, then? I do apologize

to say I'm actually at the pharmacy care center, so I'm actually not even in the state of Florida.

Oh, why aren't you in Florida? I can send you a bus. I'm actually in Arizona, so if

you want to send a bus to Arizona, that'd be your choice. Oh, actually, I'll send my

private plane up there tonight, and we can meet up in the morning, all right? How's

How's that sound, baby?

Does that sound good, sweetie?

If you have a private plane and you want to send it to Arizona, that's completely your choice.

You want to get on it?

I mean, you might not come back, but it's all good.

So what's your name, honey?

I already said my name is Melissa.

I'm not very good with names, sweetie.

It's fine.

I said my name is Melissa.

It's fine.

I have a horrible memory.

So what part of Arizona are you in?

I say I do apologize.

I'm actually only allowed to say that I'm in a centralized location.

Phoenix.

Okay.

Are you in Phoenix?

I am not, no.

No.

Albuquerque?

Albuquerque's in New Mexico.

No, it's in Arizona.

You should know that.

You're not really in Arizona, are you?

Oh, no, I am.

Can you prove it?

I'm really not sure how I'd be able to prove that over the phone.

Well, you can send a picture of your breasts from your Arizona phone to my phone, and it'll prove it.

I do apologize, unfortunately.

I'm not allowed to use my cell phone when I'm at work.

You follow the rules?

I do.

Why?

Well, how tall are you?

I am 5'3".

How big are your breasts?

I'm actually not comfortable answering that question over the phone.

Oh, so I have to see them in person?

Just give me a reference, like oranges, cantaloupe, basketballs.

I'm thinking of something about the same size.

We can do that.

Is there an actual medication that I could help you with tonight?

Yeah, for my girlfriend.

She's a fucking idiot.

What I can do is I can get you over to my pharmacist.

She might be able to make a recommendation for you.

A recommendation from who?

My pharmacist.

Does she know any really good doctors?

I'm not too sure, but I can definitely get you over to ask.

Because I need some Vicodin.

I'm going to go to my pharmacist to see what they can make of mentoring.

It'll be one more transcript.

You may have to repeat some information to get back to me.

Get me some Vicodin, please.

Dude, what, are you going to sit there and hitting on her the whole time?

I thought it would be funny.

I'm just trying to get with her, man.

That's what some of the show's for, for hitting on girls and stuff.

I'm not trying to get with her.

She's in Arizona.

There you are.

I know you.

You're thinking already.

I'm going to get a plane.

Come on, man.

Hi, Gordon.

This is Tom.

Just get out of my house.

Yes, I'd like to make an order, please.

Hello?

Yes, I'd like to make an order, please, damn it.

Yes, I'd like to make an order, please.

I'd like one, let's see here, one papadums, you have that?

Okay, one papadums.

Uh-huh.

Okay, one papadums.

Yeah, one bhenchod.

One bhenchod?

Bhenchod.

Okay, bhenchod.

Okay, one madrachud.

Okay, one papadums, one?

One bhenchod.

Okay, papadums, half or full?

Full.

Okay, bapadams.

And then bhenchod.

Bhenchod?

Yes.

Bhenchod.

Hello?

Hey.

Hi.

Okay, give me the order, please.

Yes, one full papadum.

Four piece papadum?

Yes.

Okay.

One bhenchod.

Dal?

Bhenchod.

Dal.

Bhenchod.

Do you have sister?

Oh, one minute, please.

Stupid.

Hello, stupid idiot.

Hello?

Yeah, what's going on, stupid idiots?

I'm sorry.

Shit.

I'm sorry.

Can I just take your order right now?

Yes.

I'd like one order of papadums.

Uh-huh.

One bhenchod.

I'm sorry?

One backland.

Backland?

One bandava.

Do you have a menu?

I can't understand what you're talking about.

Bandava?

Hello?

Bandava?

I don't have any menu on this item.

Do you have najayas?

I'm sorry?

Najayas?

Payidaish?

I can't understand.

Do you speak English?

I can't understand.

Okay, listen.

I'm going to tell you once, lady, and don't you discriminate against me.

I want to talk to the man again.

Because you're...

I'm the in-charge here.

No, you are the stupid there.

I don't need to talk to a woman.

She is the stupid there.

Because I'm saying that because whenever you talk to the Indian women,

they just do, they're so stupid.

They don't even get angry or anything, and that's bullshit.

You notice how I was trying to beat recluse all over?

Reclude?

You remember that creepy call he did?

Yeah, yeah.

I'm like, you might not come back.

Listen, I don't understand.

Is this the woman or the man?

No, I'm the man.

I'm the in-charge here.

Okay, listen.

Because that woman is going around saying she's in charge, and that's bullshit.

No, I'm the in charge.

The woman is not in charge, right?

No, I'm in charge.

Good.

Listen, I need a sister.

Okay, okay.

Give me your order again.

Well, I need one Papa Dom's.

Okay.

One sister.

One?

One sister.

There is no, you have the menu?

No, yeah, do you have sister?

You have?

I don't, that's why I'm asking, because I want your sister.

If you have, please send it here.

No, send your sister to come in front of me, and I will show her who her brother is.

I will be her brother, Milkman, right?

I will do that.

He's not here yet.

Is that the same Walgreens?

No, that's not Walgreens.

It's Indian restaurants.

Damn it.

Oh, I thought that was the pharmacy.

Yeah, we're still connected.

I hung up, because I weren't answering.

Let's try to get Milkman here.

Milkman, Milkman, unanswering.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to hang on a second here

while we try to call Milkman back in because he's so stupid.

It was pretty funny with that chick, though.

Oh, boy.

She came into it.

I think she did a little bit.

She sounded like what Jim Stewart would say.

She sounded a little fit.

You know, she sounded like she was the nice kind of girl.

She sounded game.

She sounded really cute.

Walmart, ask for Melissa.

Not Walmart, but Walgreens.

Ask for Melissa and just see if she was full of shit.

That would be pretty funny.

No, she was at a, you can tell she was at a call center.

Oh, really?

Yeah, and that's so funny.

Well, you should know.

You've been in them how long?

A long time.

I like that one story about the one call center you worked at.

What?

Where I farted on the phone.

Farted on the phone, yeah.

Yeah, hello.

Hey, Milkman, you're back.

Oh, hey, I lost you, and you guys were trying to call me on Skype,

but I was actually on the computer on Skype, and my phone, I don't know why it logged out,

but it logged out.

Oh, shit.

Wow.

Well, you're back, Milkman, and I'm sorry that the, let me see if Shoutcast can,

well, we've got all our listeners, all our listeners made the move

to the other two Shoutcast stations.

I'm still unable to pull anything up from that provider.

I don't know what the fuck's going on.

I'm tired.

Excuse me, I'm over it.

I've had it.

Yeah, I know, dude.

I know it sucks, man.

Well, I did, you know, I was thought, Jeff Fox and I was talking,

And so, you know, there's some solutions and there's a possibility of maybe a thousand, you know, a thousand, a thousand slots.

A thousand penises.

Yeah.

Okay.

And now we'll go to 128.

A thousand 128 is what he told me.

Oh, no, no.

I don't want 128.

It's not necessary.

No, I'm just telling you that that's how much bandwidth it was coming.

Yeah, we'd want to stick to 64.

We're not going to realize that whole thing.

I mean, we'd probably hack that.

Yeah, I think that 64K is where we should be at because that's just enough for people on wireless providers on, you know, on 4G and 3G.

Yeah.

Not even 3G as much anymore.

3G doesn't really – it's pretty much phased out.

In the next year, no one's going to be using 3G really because every phone is going to be taking advantage of 4G, LTE, or whatever it may be.

six months ago i was so g yeah well you had a good phone you had the evil when it first came

out man what happened with you you had i lost my sprint line you lost your sprint line and

what are you using now like i love them like 300 bucks where you're on that fucking uh that

what which one that 10 that 10 i get 3g it's kind of decent it pisses me off a lot though

it's kind of slow dude why don't you just you know what um you should do is just the

t-mobile prepaid that's what you should do good yeah you get 4g and all that stuff yeah

Yeah, T-Mobile, the majority of T-Mobile's business,

the majority of their revenue comes from prepaid customers.

They're fourth.

They rank fourth behind, I think, AT&T is first, then Verizon, I think,

or Verizon, then AT&T, Sprint's third, and then T-Mobile's like a distant fourth.

But anyway, it's their prepaids all the way.

Yes, I'm sorry, Milkman, go ahead.

You were saying I was talking about T-Mobile.

No, no, no, go ahead.

I was just going to throw in there.

I've been with him, spent for 10 years.

If you just pay him up, dude, those people will work with you.

I mean, they'll even make payment arrangements.

Yeah.

And, like, you know, you get all kinds of perks.

Like, you know, shit, I've gotten all kinds of deals.

They're like, hell, when I call up and I complain or say something,

I got a drop call, hell, it's a $20 discount, you know,

$20 off of my account.

Oh, wow.

I've been with T-Mobile since they were T-Mobile in my area.

You know, basically, I was grandfathered into T-Mobile from,

uh what was it called aerial communications it was a small uh wireless provider out here

well out in in florida and a few other states and they grabbed that network up too and then

made that into a part of right yeah t-mobile grabbed that up at some point and i got that's

i got moved over to t-mobile and i've been with them well that was my first cell phone i had

sprint for a while and then i went back to them uh right now it's been like 10 years

i've been with t-mobile for 10 years and uh when i called to uh uh when i called just it just i was

just like i'm gonna call i'm just curious to see when my contract is up and i call and he's like

yeah it's actually up now i'm like oh no he told me it was up in a month and i said yeah he said

can i ask why you wanted to know and i said well i'm thinking about dropping it maybe going with

verizon or spring i'm just trying to get the facts and i'm going to compare prices and stuff

stuff and he said well i'll tell you what if you stay with t-mobile i'll give you a free

galaxy s3 i'm like okay and i had just it had just come out that week it was the week that

it got released so and i had it like in three days i they were gonna they gave it to me for free

and they said you know i could get rush shipping on it for 10 bucks i said yeah sure if i was

getting the phone for free as i got well you know for the price of for 10 bucks i can get it here

here in two days and show it off and i did that yeah they won't hop off your dick when you say

you're gonna cancel t-mobile's pretty good with their plan pricing they're the they're the best

the cheapest and they actually got unlimited data now like the actual unlimited data you can get

that without are you talking about sprint like sprint has yeah t-mobile's match that you can

Yeah, I did.

No, they're all throttle.

Fuck no, they're all throttle.

I use them all.

I got, hell, I use them all.

I've got the Vivo G.

Yeah.

That thing, you know, all you got to do is crack it, and then you get a free internet connection from the hotspot.

Yeah, Milkman.

And I got the LTE, though.

Milkman.

I'm getting 4G.

I'm getting 4G WiMAX, and I'm getting 4G LTE out of here now, too.

All right, Milkman, but T-Mobile, in a few months, they're going to roll out their LTE network,

And I'm sure where you live, San Francisco, will be one of the first markets to get it, if not the first.

No, LTE is a little up now here.

Yeah, I'm talking about T-Mobile, not Sprint.

But what I'm saying is you should look into it because their plans are cheaper than Sprint's.

And they've got an unlimited data plan now.

I think it's only $30 a month for unlimited data, true unlimited no-throttling data.

data um it's i don't know how much you're paying now but you might actually save some money if you

move over to t-mobile i'm just saying i just uh i might i might entertain that for a second line

but i'll never let go of scram unless they really really fuck me in all these years i never have

dude they've always made up for it well i mean you know you gotta do the math i mean you gotta

do the research a month for over 10 years i mean that's a good bit of money all right we're gonna

gonna call cafe india i don't know how we got to talking about cell phones but we're calling cafe

india how about that i'm gonna hop off here i gotta get to sleep see you later already have

fun tomorrow bye later man yeah man trouble bad boy i want to go to bay ridge i got you i got i

got a new i got a new trial balloon here for those like you um remember jim nobles yeah you back

bye call okay we'll talk about after this call i got some new information i never saved this

yeah hi i wanted to wait a minute what'd you say cafe india oh okay yeah that's right i wanted to

make an order please sure what would you like you have papadums yeah how many pieces come in one

order three all right so three pieces of papadum let me get two of those all right one bhenchod

bhenchod is uh your sister yeah all right man do you have bhenchod do you have bhenchod yeah

Yeah, her sister, Harley.

Yeah?

You ever do it?

Yeah, well, I like your sister.

What, you ever done it with her?

What does she look like?

Yeah, I don't have one.

You ever see your mom naked?

Nah.

Never?

All right, man, I just want to come over here and get your ass kicked.

Come back, Harley.

Let's see.

Hey, come on, man.

Man, come over here, dude.

If you got a big mouth, quit talking on the phone.

No, I just don't want you to be mad at me.

I'm sorry.

I'm not mad.

I just want to bang your sister, Harley.

No, don't have to say that.

I'm an only child.

You ain't got time.

No, I just said I'm an only child.

No, she's gone, too, man.

That he's a handsome man, I'd say.

Yeah, I agree.

He plays dominoes.

You ever play dominoes?

No, no, come on, be serious.

You like, you ever play dominoes?

You ever try?

I'm not going to be serious with you.

I don't know shit about you.

Come on, man, just don't be mad.

Come on, man.

I'm not mad, man.

Go have fun, you little fag.

Go ahead and eat.

No, I just want to, I want to make an order.

All right?

Hello?

Hey, big guy.

Let's try to see if I can calm the guy down.

What the hell was his deal, man?

God, dude.

He's a bum.

He's always a break bat on you.

Look, man.

I'm sorry.

I already got your phone number, man.

I'll just call the cops.

That's cool.

You can call me if you want.

I'm going to call the cops right now and give them your number.

Is that fine?

Yeah, well, come on.

Last time you didn't call, I'm blocked.

Yeah, that's why I'm calling.

I want you to not, you know, I want us to be cool.

I don't even care about you.

I don't even want to talk to you, man.

I don't got time for this.

I'm watching the X Factor.

it don't call the cops oh yeah that's so manly look don't call the cops man i'm not gonna call

the cops just don't call over here x factors or fags yeah your facts you like people singing like

a fag and dancing like a fag you like that are you really you don't have shit to do do you get

your nails done also you really don't have shit to do no i just want to make sure me and you're

why would you call why would you call from unblocked and now called blocked i already

got your damn number i blocked it the first time no you didn't seven four eight twenty some

some bullshit i got it right here i'm gonna call right i'm not gonna do nothing because i don't

give a shit i don't i do all right so we're cool then you're not gonna do nothing we're cool i

don't give a fuck i'm gonna call the cops i'm not a hater all right just don't call over your

butt hey that's cool man thanks all right hey will you call me sometime though like you know

i want to talk to you you don't even know who i am i went to the cafe indian i saw you you're

handsome guy i want to talk to you i don't like girls come on but just to be friends no maybe

play basketball you play basketball no i ain't playing basketball do you play any sports you

You play cricket?

Yeah, I play cricket, man.

I want to learn to play cricket.

Come on.

And you teach me cricket.

We hit the ball.

Nah, man.

You like playing with balls.

I don't.

No, no.

You like cricket even.

Please.

Come on.

You like to play.

Show me.

Should I bring Cape Cricket stuff, or are you going to bring it?

Hey, man.

You're on my line.

I'm Ben Jordan.

Yeah, but people love Ben Jordan.

Hey, I like that.

That was good.

Thanks, man.

You made me laugh.

Hey, call the other guys trying to talk shit, man.

All right.

Who else?

Okay.

All right.

Bye.

That guy was funny.

You said there's other customers calling for Bradshaw.

I got to go.

They cracked me up.

That guy made me laugh.

That was real cool of him.

I do that shit, too.

So he must be calling, man.

That's pretty funny.

That's awesome.

And he gave us two places.

Yeah.

Yeah, he gave the other two Indian restaurants to call.

Hey, Cole, do you want this Jim Nobles, man?

I just got this info.

I got a new number for him.

Yeah, sure.

Send it over.

I'll give you the new information.

The guy's been at it again.

He's got some Belgian woman who snaked in to bring him to come over here to the States

and live with him in Indiana and Terre Haute.

Now, he talked her into buying him an RV, and now they're getting him an RV and living in it.

and driving around in this fucking RV.

Oh, no.

What do you do?

I've got her Facebook page, so you can get her information off of there

and plug with this guy.

So, like, you know, I didn't have a solid premises, but, I mean,

maybe you could think of something.

She's buying the RV, you know, maybe kind of like along the lines, like,

you know, she's done this before and had problems,

and while you're calling, you know, you're good at this.

All right, all right, all right, all right.

Listen, listen.

Listen, so for those who don't know what we're talking about,

Jim Nobles, maybe about four or three or four years ago,

we called him a few times, and he got upset,

and he kept calling, leaving the weirdest fucking voicemails

on the Madhouse phone voicemail machine line.

For about a year, he kept calling and making, like, weird,

he would talk like he was a foreigner, like he was Russian,

and he'd be like, we are watching you still.

What did we have him thinking that we had done?

What was it? That we slept with his wife?

At that time, he had some crazy woman there, Andrea or something like that.

And he was saying he was fucking with her and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And he got all pissed off about it.

And then he didn't believe it.

And he said, no, you're just talking shit and this and that.

And then he started calling back.

I don't know if he was using a computer.

A genuine voice was like, everywhere you go, I will be hiding.

I will be hiding behind you.

Yeah.

You remember he would say like.

Yeah, a creeper, man.

He's like an Indian kind of guy.

I guess he's like part Native Indian, American.

He's got like white hair and he's like dyed it black.

I mean, you know, you can imagine like this like fake old fogey looking,

like Elvis looking kind of like guy with a hair collar going on, you know, Indian guy.

I mean, this guy is like a flunker all the way around, man.

Where do you want me to send this info to you at?

I'm going to send you this woman's Facebook as well, and then you can just ad lib on it.

All right, send it.

I don't know.

Send it on IRC.

IRC, then.

You're never in my gourd.

I cannot get you to log into gourd.

Send it on IRC.

IRC.

Where?

I'm in which channel?

Which, what, PM it?

Where?

PM it, yeah.

How do you think?

How else?

Come on, Milkman.

Come on, man.

Okay.

You know how to do this, man.

Listen, everybody plug your ears.

Everybody plug your ears.

Don't listen.

Listen, Emano, I always send you stuff on RC.

I was just trying to get one that you would look at.

All right, I'll look at it.

Okay, everybody, you can take your fingers out of your ears.

Emano and I got it solved.

I'm watching for it.

He's giving me new Jim Nobles information as we speak right now.

So, anyway, what I was trying to say is that, yeah,

and his voicemail, so he'd be like, look around when you're out.

I will be there watching you, behind you.

He was saying this weird fucking shit, man.

And you did his voice really good.

I think I played a lot of those voicemails on the air.

Yeah, you did.

I was hoping you had one of them around.

I mean, those were gold.

Yeah.

That guy was a weirdo.

Did you send it yet?

Yes, you did.

Okay, fine.

Gin Nobles.

Okay.

Oh, wait.

It wasn't me.

Okay, yeah, okay.

I don't have a number here.

I'll get you up here.

Okay.

I still got to give you a Facebook and his number.

Send me the Facebook.

I'll give you a Facebook.

Send me the number.

All right.

All right, Ken has sent a possible contact number for Big Ernie for next week's show.

That's good.

Let's see.

RBCP says he sent numbers.

RBCP, where'd you send them to, man?

Did you send them to the email that we talked about two weeks ago and last week?

Madhouse.producer?

Gmail, you send them somewhere else.

You got to work with me, RBCP.

You got to work with me here, man.

I'm under a lot of stress, a lot of stress.

and you need to make sure you're sending those emails to where they need to go i think what

happened was that brad sent them to the wrong gmail account rbcp come on sir sir don't get

mad at me calling me jerk he says you're a jerk it says maybe he did i don't know maybe he did

it right and i'm fucked up ken sent the number here for the hooters in guam that worked okay

let's see there's no are you did you send it yet milkman are you typing it out yeah no i just typed

you know i'm just looking now what the hell that phone number when i just had it a second ago

copy paste bitch no i'm it's on my phone it's coming to me on my phone because she's not able

it's a long story yay can send in the same number i found on my own yay can okay here's the number

this is the number that all right okay it's all there now i think brad sent these on uh aim okay

milkman i think i see what you did there brad i understand i'm sorry okay jim nobles

Well, I'm sorry, let me look at his Facebook first here.

Oh, this is her Facebook, right?

The new wife or whatever?

Yeah, the new girl, like, he's trying to, like, you know,

he's got her swindled an RV out of her, and he's working on more.

He's trying to swindle an RV out of her to get her to pay for it?

He's already got her to buy it for him.

Come over from Belgium and spend his money on him,

and now they're living in that in Toronto.

So, like, you know, he's, like, got this one suckered in.

You know, sure enough, within a year or so.

has a voicemail box that has not been

set up yet. No, Milkman, it's not

ringing right now. Oh, okay.

He's not answering.

He doesn't have a voice. It's going straight to

his voicemail, and his voicemail isn't set

up. That's what's happening, okay?

In other words, he's got

a cheap-ass AT&T

iPhone, probably. And unless

you pay for it, they will not set up your voicemail.

You have to pay to set up your voicemail.

Anytime you kids hear that, you know that motherfucker

got a cheap-ass AT&T

phone with a piece of shit iphone attached okay drop calls all right thank you hey ken's here

ken asshole hey we did try just i'm gonna last last call last call and uh we did try

sorry sweet kisses we'll try it again i'll try it again maybe he just might not have a signal

right now milkman this is going straight over it's going straight over to the network that's all

You know, if it's a sweet kiss of memory, it does have promise.

I mean, she has come up with the best numbers probably in a long time.

He's either on the phone or he might be also, he might just, you know,

the phone might be off, might not be charged.

You know, he could be pumping the RV out too, man.

You never know.

You never know, asshole.

All right, so let's see what numbers Brad sent.

Kylie Armstrong posted on Facebook,

anybody want to buy a car or truck?

Or notice someone that wants to buy a car or truck?

I can help.

All right, cool.

She's selling a long Toyota.

Oh, selling Toyotas.

She works for the dealership.

Or call my cell.

You know, you never see women car dealers, Milkman and Ken,

and I think it's for a reason.

There is a reason why they don't.

I don't know what that reason is, but it would be weird.

I don't know if I'd ever buy a car from a woman.

It's probably because you can't take a woman seriously when she's talking about cars.

Well, there aren't any car women.

I've never seen a car woman sell something.

I would love it because, you know, I would let her tease me the whole time.

Actually, dude, I met a hot-ass one, dude.

When I was looking for the Lex back in L.A., dude, I went out and I was looking at Toyotas, man.

And I was checking out this rapper.

Man, this hot fucking Mexican come out, dude.

She had a fucking body on her.

She was a little powerhouse, man.

She was gorgeous.

She was, like, ready to box.

Yeah, but she sleeps around.

Not a car, either.

But she sleeps with all the men.

All the men are trying to sleep with her.

So she probably sleeps around.

That's the problem.

That's why you can't.

Because the owners of the dealerships know that if they let women start doing it,

all they're going to do is fuck the men and the clients.

That's how men are.

They're just going to.

that's what you do she was hot listen to you she was hot she had breasts you said even everything

she had nice breasts either the burrito i spread you taco was she mestizo or what was she

i'm not mestizo i i consider myself white hispanic i fall into that and to under that

white hispanic not a mixed in white hispanic but there's also a white non-hispanic which

which is what Ken is.

Ken, you're a white non-Hispanic.

That's right.

Just like that fucker who shot that kid down in Florida.

Yeah.

He's a white Hispanic.

He's a white Hispanic, yep.

That's what I'm considered.

And it's a privilege,

because we had all the privileges in Puerto Rico on the island

above the mestizos, those nasty mestizos,

mixing with the native population.

Are you using a clone in here?

You're not using a clone, are you?

Nope.

What clone?

Clone of what?

I see your name in the chat room again.

Who's cloning?

Get rid of the clones.

No clones.

Well, it's Carlito1.

I mean, Jose's been going wacko, but, I mean, he kind of calmed down there.

Carlito1, that's not me.

Carlito1, change your name.

You have three minutes to change your name, or I'm going to order you to be removed from the chat room.

All right?

Okay.

Carlito1, if that's not the real Carlito, then, yes, you've changed it.

Yeah.

Well, we're going to have you escorted out by security from the chat room.

Thank you.

AT&T Security.

It's your three-minute warning.

I'm looking at the clock.

It's on the big board.

Do it.

Yeah, he bailed.

Good.

And then he just left.

That's fine.

You can just leave, too.

It's cool.

Come back with a different name if you want, man.

Or, you know, don't be in there as Carlito 1.

You know better than that.

You know what?

I could have a problem.

Yeah, you could come in as Nunu the Wanker, and that'd be a good name.

Nunu's a wanker.

Yeah, that's fine.

You can come in as Nunu with zeros instead of O's.

I'm fine with that.

Milkman, you don't have a problem.

And we could have Kenner's fist in the old menu.

That's right.

I just put a number in.

A fist in the pink and one in the mouth?

That amazes me that Jen, up until last week,

had never heard of the two in the pink, one in the pink.

He thought it was hilarious.

He was like a five-year-old understanding what that was.

Listen to that afterwards.

He fucking giggled all night.

Jen's a limey.

He was fucking...

He's a limey.

He doesn't hear all the cool shit that we got over here.

He was like, oh, my God.

We grew up with.

and besides that he's not even from britain yeah he's german or whatever do you uh i got a link

right or a number right there in a skype chat should be fun to give a call to okay let's take

a look tilted kilt in long beach as i count yes it is kelly accuse your waitress is that the one

that was on tv about a week ago what the hell that show about that fake box bitches were hot

on that show man i'm just gonna say that bitch was ready to go man she was stacked and ready to

bust what are you talking about what happened they were on undercover boss last week on sunday

i don't watch that show anymore but yeah okay i'll give you the website but the chicks are

fucking hot so this story may fly oh nice yeah yeah it was pretty cool i saw it for a minute

i remember that killed and killed i started laughing then when i heard it like where the

fuck did i hear that that's that's a good show you know the i saw the first season of it i just

It's never caught up with the rest, the second, I think they're in the third season now.

I can see that online.

CBS.com sure has it, or my on-demand has it.

But thank you, though.

Thank you, sir.

I appreciate it.

Ken, I'll let you know if I need the website.

Good, sir.

Good evening.

Thank you for calling the Pilted Kilt Long Beach.

This is Erica.

How may I help you?

Hi, Erica.

Yes, I was wondering about the fisting over there.

How is it done?

I'm sorry, what?

The fisting.

I'm sorry.

I can't hear you.

One more time.

Fisting.

No idea what you're saying.

Yeah, do you start with one finger, or do you just put the whole fist in?

I don't understand.

Yeah, that's stupid.

Okay, we got an update.

That was actually not the correct number.

The actual number is now being posted.

Well, good, because I just...

Everything else applies.

Good, because what I did was stupid, and it sucked.

Huh?

Nothing.

I got a number here for an Indian restaurant that sells lamb brain marsala.

La gah.

Wow.

So there's the new number for Jim Nobles, man.

Oh, so someone finally fixed that.

Okay, Jim Nobles, correct number.

I thought you were talking about the last call we did.

Sorry.

No, no, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

No, no, it was my fault.

Jim Nobles, that number was typo on my side.

I'm stupid, I'm stupid.

Milkman, I'm stupid.

Sorry.

Yeah, this is Indian food.

It has lamb brains.

Say again?

You have lamb brain marsala.

Yeah, lamb brain marsala.

Make an order for that.

And?

And? Two papadums. Two papadums. Two papadums, yeah. And? Do you have chicken tandoori? Yes, leg or breast. Okay. One spicy. Leg or breast. Oh, breasts. And? One bhenchod. One lamb chop. No, one bhenchod. Lamb chop. Bhenchod. Bhenchod? Yes, bhenchod. Hold on.

Yeah, one Bhenchod.

Hello?

Bhenchod!

Mr. Shalimar?

Bhenchod!

Hello?

Yes, order. I want to make an order.

Yes, sir.

One Bhenchod.

One brain?

One Bhenchod.

Hello?

Fucking shit.

One Bhenchod.

He said your voice is not clear.

What about your mother?

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

Hi.

Yeah, where's your sister?

can i speak to your sister again yes what do you like sir i will like your sister hello yeah your

sister you fucking shit yeah what do you like sir i want your sister your sister hello sister

your home okay go fuck go go fuck way

Way too loud there.

Way too loud in the background.

Jesus Christ.

God.

What the fuck's that all about?

Go home.

I like how your audio was coming out there, mano.

It sounded really, really weird.

I was trying to, like, boost it up so they could fucking hear me right.

God.

I don't know if they ever understood or not.

I guess they did.

because he said go home whatever all right we're gonna try this domino's pizza again

that the racist person wants us to do here we go what the one we're gonna call an order and cancel

yeah and they're supposedly supposedly they're gonna get mad because they're black he sent in

the same number again in a different request to prank and he said a bad word the n-word worse

than nerd we're not that type of show he it wasn't even nerd ken it was another n-word i don't even

know if you know this word it's so bad called him new new pranks by the dozen asking what song

is that i like it oh man i don't know what song it was bro is this even a dominoes because nobody

nobody oh did they just answer there finally yeah after the 15th i was about to say they

didn't they were fucking answer dominoes could you hold they even call it dominoes

yeah when do you open again yeah you monkeys get up that early i said you monkeys get up that early

you think you're talking to but you you're a monkey you think you're talking to all that

all that for that all that for being racist see that's what you should call back see if you get

the manager on the line you don't deal with that fucker he's a low-level employee is this how we

close we close they just won't pick up now unless yeah see or they'll do that stupid fucking monkey

you're a fucking asshole him and lysol are in the back fucking around him and lysol

still i love that name why so uh okay there's that let's continue on i don't know what song

it was you heard pranks by the dozen that you want to know what it was he probably wants to

hear peach was no it was after that was it this one or was it this one was that when we played

that just a moment ago maybe it's this one i don't know moving right along we got lonesome

loser milkman did i lose you again are you still here you're being quiet no good numbers in the

the uk where's zyklon where's aaron where is everybody all i got tonight is the ken it's the

one and only because he's the one that's trying to be the other ken and chad assholes stop that

dude we got a lot of fans out there man i guess you're you know you're coming along if you got

fans man now they're knocking knocking mocking your name they had carlito they had milkman they

got kenner's they got union i thought i was uh got my own fucking uh card there in the madhouse

yeah hello hello hello hi yes hi horse i'm looking for john is he there john coleman

yeah can i speak with him love who are you i'm cross i'm calling from the church can you please

put him on it's urgent yeah okay this is man's business she don't need to know yes hello mr john

yeah hi this is cross i'm calling from the church we're we have an urgent problem there's uh an

An attack on Wales.

They're attacking the language and our culture.

Do you speak Welsh, or your wife and your children?

Do you speak Welsh in your home?

We speak a little bit, but do you have to ring us at bloody 5 o'clock in the morning to tell us that?

Well, don't bother, okay?

Listen, it's important that you keep speaking Welsh as much as you can.

Now we need AMD.

Enigma's here.

Hey, Enigma's here.

Yay, Enigma.

I didn't listen all the way.

At what point did you say it was important or urgent?

Obviously, she thought it was.

The fucking church.

Get on the phone.

Hello?

Listen, this is urgent, please.

This time it's urgent.

Urgent for what?

Because the King of England is attacking our Welsh culture.

Oh, come on.

He's attacking our Welsh culture.

Shut up.

Do you know how many people in the UK probably keep their phones off the fucking hook at night now because of you?

Yeah.

Yeah, they should.

They should at least, fucker.

Damn it.

Yeah, shut up, you.

King of England.

Hey, did you try the news that gets the right number for nobles?

I will.

Yes, hello.

Yeah, is John Collins, the astronaut?

I'm speaking.

Hi, this is Cross.

I'm calling with an urgent issue.

I need to speak to Mr. John Collins urgently on Her Majesty's service.

This is Cross.

cross and calling on behalf of the queen mother's office i need to speak with john collins please

well okay let him know first of all that cross called from the queen mother's office

and that there's an attack on wales culture are you folks speakers of welsh do you speak

welsh in the home you what percentage you speak 10 welsh at all or nothing okay well then we want

you to not we want you to take classes to speak welsh because the king of england is is trying

Trying to eliminate Welsh culture from Wales.

So either you can agree to learn Welsh and only speak Welsh in your home from now on,

or you need to go back to bloody England.

Do you understand?

Hello, sir?

There you go.

That's exactly very good.

Boradar.

Stick to that, honey, okay?

All right, bye.

Stupid, just sitting there.

At least she said Boradar, which means hello in Welsh.

Did you try the Jim Nobles number, the actual one, or is that not the right number either?

I didn't yet, Mr. Milkman, but I will now, okay?

All right, here we go for Milkman.

Nunu has something, too, for you.

Nunu always has something for me.

He's got an elections hard-on for you.

An elections hard-on for me.

Well, we'll just have to jerk him off.

Ken, get started on that.

And release.

Skeeter.

Ken, prepare the fleshlight.

Fleshlight is ready.

Did you microwave it?

12 seconds?

Makes it warmer.

Makes it warm.

It's better that way.

Did you hear about that McAfee guy that wanted a murder charge?

Yeah, you see, I wasn't surprised because I had read the articles about the last time he got in trouble down there in, is it Bolivia?

He's in Belize.

He got in trouble once because I know they said he was cooking meth and had 16-year-old girls in his bed when they raided him and a bunch of unregistered guns.

runs um i had read i had seen that then and he was on the run back then i remember he was on the

run for a while i i figured i never followed up on a story but i didn't know he was no longer in

the run for a while and then started this they're really after him down there in belize man either

that or he's just a fucking crazy fucking nut yeah which i'm thinking is because i saw a few

months ago i saw a documentary that was made in the late 90s um about the it industry i think it

was like came out like in 98 99 and they interviewed steve jobs and they interviewed um all the the

guys from that era uh what uh what's his face the guy from microsoft why am i forgetting his name

now come on used to be the richest guy in the world mr gates bill gates yeah the guy you sound

like he was on there and uh and the mcafee guy was being interviewed he hadn't sold mcafee yet

he hadn't left but they the guy interviewed him and he lived like on this huge fucking acreage

in california and he was driving around hunting animals on his own property and doing all this

crazy shit dirt like fucking on dirt bikes and all this shit he just seemed like a crazy fuck

you know who he reminded me of uh ted nugent that's what he reminded me of that mcafee guy

that and he he he's that kind of dude you know and and he went down to south florida south america

and they're gonna fuck him up ted nugent man you know he looks pretty crazy looking yeah he's

yeah he looks like a warlock

dude is awesome man

I tell you man when he was doing the

back in the gonzars days

dude that guy was wild

before he got all this mock conservative

bullshit he puts on now

he was a hell of a guitar

he cracks me up cause up here in Michigan

he calls into this one radio station all the time

he's out in a fucking tree stand on his cell phone

and shit he's like alright I gotta let you guys go

there's a fucking deer coming

I fucking start busting up

up and like it called back and i couldn't get a fucking shot on it oh hey that reminds me we had

someone reach out to me via email he apparently i i think i saw some of this show uh in the past

but i don't remember this guy i think i'm pretty sure i saw this you got any of you guys ever see

that show from geez the gents it was on vh1 for a while no i never heard of it oh there was a guy

There was a guy on there called C.

I don't remember him at all.

I think I saw this.

I'm not sure.

There was a guy on there called C.

You know, he's like a biter reality star, reality show.

He was on a reality show.

Well, he was doing prank calls, and he was trying to get his name out there,

and he asked me to play one of his pranks.

And I heard this one, and I thought it was pretty funny.

It's called Wild Horses.

I think let's play this real quick here while I regroup and get some more numbers.

I'm just going to organize a little bit and stretch my feet, if you don't mind.

Give me a second.

Did you try that Jim Nobles number?

Or is that what that last one is?

Jim Nobles?

Did I try the last one?

No.

All right, you want me to do that real quick?

I'll do that real quick.

We'll do that.

Let's see if it's in.

I'm just saying, before he goes to bed, we might actually have a new guy.

You're right.

Too bad we couldn't get Larry and fucking Jim hooked up and talking to each other.

Oh, yeah.

Larry and Jim.

That'd be something.

A big shout out to Kokanee, man, riding in a taxi all the way up to Red D.

Oh, yeah, by the way, that guy that asked about that sound when you were playing him,

it was that second one.

The second one?

Yeah.

I remember.

Bang, bang, sweet poop.

It was that second one.

Okay.

So this one?

Yeah, that one.

I'll give out the title in a second.

The mailbox belonging to 8-1-2-2-4.

AMD's here.

They didn't answer.

I'll try them again later.

Maybe he went to sleep.

Maybe during the day I'll call.

If it's this one here.

Thanks for trying here, Mono.

it's the mf doom uh instrumental called black snake root black snake root indeed in the house

hey you know there's welsh numbers in cardiff we was doing man andy just checked in yeah cardiff

um but yeah you need you need to call in on the sky it's from mf dooms he had a series of

instrumental albums that came out uh in sets of two at a time and this one is from they were

all call special herbs and every track is an instrumental and it's named after some kind of

herb or supplement or you know like a culinary kind of things stuff you find in a health food

store this one this one is from the special herbs volume five to six uh set so five to six of the

special herbs and it's black snake root that's what it is if that's it then there you go now

you got i would say i would say go to um go just get all the mfdm you can if you like the

the instrumentals that i play here the they're all there's actually a whole set and i believe

they sell it's i think mf doom sells it on itunes as well a whole set that is uh every single of

the uh of those instrumental ones i bought them separately i actually bought them and i ripped

them you know but uh even before the show started between me and andy we owned every single one

of the special herbs as they came out uh he's probably my favorite one of my favorite artists

out there definitely my favorite hip-hop artist i would say mf doom he actually he actually can't

he's he can't come to the united states he's in england he's been stuck in england because

something happened his i think he wasn't technically born in the united states but

he moved here when he was like three months old or something but he basically grew up in

in new york he's basically an american just he was very he was like an infant when his parents

got here and his parents got citizenship and everything but he technically never did and it

didn't come up until he hit 30 something years old or 40 i think he's 40 now and he did a concert

in in europe and when he went to uh go back home to new york they stopped him and he didn't have

the paperwork he needed and they said sorry you got to go back and he had to go to england

and that's where he's at yeah and like his wife his wife and kids are are still in in uh united

united states uh and they skype each other and stuff mfd was fucking he's brilliant he's a

fucking cool dude i like it hey uh i don't know if anybody torrents here but uh demonites back up

that's what i heard for a while that's what i heard that they were back seems to be down

demonoid yeah that tracker is back up i think i think it first came back up like uh tuesday

i want to say is bt junkie out is out of it now are they completely out of it yeah they pulled

not completely it's gonna be it's been like nine ten months now monday what about pirate bay is

there actually a real pirate bay or is that all bullshit it's still out there one of the one of

their founders just got arrested one of the one of the big guys with them just got arrested in

charge of something yeah you got arrested again you got arrested again yeah i saw that i think

there's a one clown that hoards all the all the all the damn all the damn torrents on there and

And every time, man, this guy has the torrents, they always get f***ed up, man.

That's why I'm wondering, is that a real thing or is that, like, imitation bullshit?

It's thepiratebay.org.

I don't even know.

I have a book.

It's .se.

.se.

There you go.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

Is this Connelly?

Yeah.

Good, yes.

I would like to let you know that the King of England is coming by tomorrow,

and you're expected to come outside and be proper and genuflect for the king

and show you proper respect

I'm sure they're real excited

that I'm calling them

4 fucking 30 in the morning

to tell them this shit

yeah show the respect bitch

I'll tell her

yeah you know what

matter of fact

I'm gonna tell her

show the respect

uh Jose is out there

lurking around

Jose

while you be lurking

Jose try to call back

big Jose

I'm in the mood

for bologna sandwich

too much I don't have

bologna or bread

or cheese

I have no sandwich machines

no components

of a sandwich machine

whatsoever. I heard

Jose's in the mood for some fucking tube steak

sandwiches. Can you ever fist

a girl? Negative.

Hello? I can't believe none of you

guys ever fisted a girl.

I think Artie was lying when he said

he would try it. I think he would probably try to shove

a phone up there on vibrate mode

and then start trying to call the fucking number.

You like that, baby? You like that?

Hey, Jose.

Hey, what's up? You have a hiss.

What's up with the waterfall in the background?

Yeah, you have a waterfall hissing.

hello hello i see jm brought all his fucking buddies in the chat room tonight yeah jose you

have friends that's good waterfowl yeah i know good man i don't hear it anymore good what'd you

do now it's back again come on jose come on man you gotta lose fucking wire what's the deal yeah

fix those wires come on man i'll leave you out for a little bit but it's gone no no it's there

there carlito it cracked me up uh when fucking party was trying to get you to call that uh

pharmacy and shit i was putting in chat that he was trying to get a hold of his herpes medication

his girlfriend's herpes medication all right by now still there damn it i'll keep you on but not

for long because it's hurting my brains hello hello this is mr cox or miss cox's yes okay i

I need to speak with John, please.

Pardon?

I need to speak with John, please.

What?

This is Cross.

I need to speak to John.

John Cox.

Yeah, it's John Cox, yeah.

Yeah, put him on.

You're the woman.

Put them in.

John Cox is coming now.

What is he doing?

What, is he sleeping?

I was supposed to take a break.

Mr. Cox.

Yes?

Yes, sir.

Do you speak Welsh at all?

Or do you and your wife speak Welsh?

No, I don't speak Welsh, no.

You don't.

So, there's a new rule going around now

that you need to get back the hell to fucking england if you don't speak welsh yeah so when are

you when are you leaving okay if you don't speak welsh and get the fuck away he said cheerio too

cheerio what cracked me up is when she was talking to him to get on the phone it sounded

like he was like zipping his pants yeah shit you hear that you catch him in the middle of

fucking he's putting his fucking dick just through the hole oh it's a phone call let me

me zip this shit back up true that i'm gonna eat a pretzel here i'm hungry my sugar's getting a

little low i gotta play this prank call amd is calling on a skype line let's get big amd on here

first amd you should play ernie from thanksgiving last year during the break amd everyone for next

or this next week amd all right amd amd thank you for talking amd right did he join

I think he's having mic problems.

Oh, he's having problems, all right.

Yeah, he joined.

He just might be having mic problems.

He was putting a mic on a minute ago.

He said he was going to get a camera mic or something.

I don't know.

Well, listen.

Hello.

Hey, stupid.

There you are.

Yeah, you can hear me.

No, I can't, yeah.

Oh, cheerio.

That's right.

Yeah.

Well, cheerio.

Cheerio, see you later.

Yes, I've just phoned in to say my mic disgust of the distant of the Welsh.

You know, as a Welshman living in England, you know, it hurts me dearly, you know.

Mm-hmm.

They should get out of Wales and get wet to England, right?

Those bastards.

Wales is crap.

I thought you were Welsh.

I am, but it's still crap.

I live in England.

Oh, really?

Oh, you're an uncle Tom.

A traitor.

I even go back to Wales and people say, where the fuck are you living now?

So it's all good.

Do they try to speak Welsh to you now when you're like, I don't know what you're saying?

Is that Wales without an H?

I couldn't understand a word of Wales anyway.

Anyway, I don't speak Welsh.

I did get told when I moved to London that they said,

why did you move from Wales?

And I said, well, there's no work there.

And it turned out some guy turned around and said,

yeah, I hear the coal mines have closed down.

What the fuck?

As if I'd work in a coal mine anyway, you know what I mean?

Oh, yeah, you're going to work in a coal mine.

We got instant feedback from Nunu in the chat room.

It's wrong that AMD makes Carlos do these racist calls to Wales.

Racist calls, yeah.

Nunu, I'd just like to say my disgust for Nunu as well.

As usual, Nunu, you are a gay.

Nunu, you're a gay.

You're a gay, Nunu.

You heard that?

And a cunt.

Oh, my.

Sure is.

Nunu is out having foreplay with Jin, doing some archery shit,

some kinky stuff with dildos and a bow and arrow.

Well, listen, guys.

Anyway, look, I need to.

For what to start, England?

Hey, listen, I got to go take a break because I got to use the bathroom.

room i gotta make pee and then i gotta go grab uh i need to go grab some water because i'm thirsty

all right so i'm gonna be right back uh so anyway since we're getting ready for the big horse show

coming up for thanksgiving and uh since we were talking about ted nugent uh hunting here we go

this one is from this guy from this reality show shane c who sent me four or five prank calls in

the email what before you take that make sure uh get up with uh lonesome loser about uh the guy in

guam yeah the guy in guam what happened the guy in guam we're trying to find the guy the horse

guy you know the horse guy yeah eric what's his name eric ernie he shut down fucking hooter

he's trying to hide well maybe maybe he's back maybe he's back well lonesome's in the house

here just see if you know he can like track him back down since he's been keeping him on the

line for the last couple years for it all right well maybe he's back at the um at the horse and

cow or whatever it was called the original restaurant maybe he's back or maybe they know

maybe they keep in touch with him and they know yeah well let's find out let's find the first

place he worked and we'll ask them again maybe they know where he's at now okay all right good

i gotta take i gotta pee bye i'll be right back maybe again we love you donkey so

people are saying it was an old prank or whatever i don't know a guy came to me so hey

do you have some pranks play them on your show give me some respect that's all i'm doing i'd

like to prank you that's pretty funny maybe it wasn't even him maybe it was somebody else's

i don't know it seems like a unpauseable story to me that some guy on a tv show is doing prank

calls like that but hey what do i know right yeah michael jackson used to prank call people

from Chris Rucker's airplane.

So what do you know?

Yes, go ahead.

I sent you a premise in the Skype chat.

I want you to call this pizza restaurant here,

and they're still delivering for like three more hours.

Okay.

Get them to deliver to this other address,

which is a competitor pizza restaurant,

and then we can call them later and see how the delivery went.

I like it.

Delicious.

Okay.

Very good.

All right.

Let's do that.

Spectacular.

Mm-hmm.

Trying to save you a little bit of editing by not naming the places.

Very good.

That helps.

Very good.

Look at you.

I mean, pretzels.

I love pretzels, man.

I love eating pretzels.

Pretzels is good.

Be sure to add some of our cinnasticks for dessert.

Brushed with butter and sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar.

And served with sweet icing for dipping.

And have you experienced our chocolate lava crunch cakes?

Try them once and you'll never forget dessert again.

That's why I order online now.

We'll be right with you to take your order.

God, what happened when you just called and they picked up?

Thank you for holding.

My name is Maria.

Would you like to order pizza, pasta, or sandwiches?

Pizza, please.

For delivery or for carryout?

For delivery.

Okay.

May I have your name?

My name is Cross.

May I have your address?

West Rosecrans.

I'm sorry.

We don't deliver past 700 West.

Would you like to have the phone number that delivers to your area?

I guess.

Okay.

Bye.

Wait.

I have a question.

Yeah.

Sorry.

I fucked it up.

I knew that was going to be...

hit or miss there on how far they delivered.

That's cool. Rosecrans

is ghetto, man. That's like the heart of

Compton, man. That's like

Crenshaw, Rosecrans, all those

places are fucking ghetto.

I can just imagine the fucking pizza

dude arriving over there at the other pizza

joint going, what the fuck?

I think we called a KFC

once in Compton and the guy said

they had bulletproof glass.

Oprima el dos para oír los especiales

en español.

Today's special is...

This call may be monitored or recorded.

We'll be right with you to take your order.

You still get the orders that people have ordered.

Thank you for calling Domino's Pizza.

This is Farah speaking.

How can I help you?

Yeah, make an order, please.

Sure, for delivery or for pickup?

Delivery.

Okay, can I have your phone number, please?

It's, uh...

Uh-huh.

Your name?

This is Cross.

And your address?

Uh, we are at West Rose Crayons.

Okay, what are the cross streets?

I'm not sure, honey.

I'm new here.

I'm with the campaign.

Okay, give me one second.

You want me to ask someone?

Shit on you.

Oh, have you been before Central or after?

I think, well, let me think, because I called one other place,

and they told me that I had this is the right one to call.

I'm on Central, the rest of Cross Street.

Oh, okay, so you're on Central and Rosecrans.

Yeah.

Okay, we do deliver there.

Okay, good.

What would you like to order?

I'd like two large pepperoni pizza with light sauce.

Okay, anything else for you?

Light sauce.

Mm-hmm.

On both?

Yeah, on both.

And, no, that's it.

Okay, would you like to add an order of Parmesan bread bites on a two-liter for $4.99?

No, but I want the...

You get 16 pieces in the Parmesan bite.

I like the chocolate lava cake instead.

Sure, no problem.

Anything else for you?

No, that's it.

And your cheesy bread.

In case your total is a cheesy bread?

Yes.

You want a cheesy bread as well?

Yeah, I get the cheesy bread for the stupid kid.

Yeah.

Okay, so for $33.11, your total, and it's going to be there about 45 minutes to an hour.

We're going to pay cash or credit.

Cash.

Okay, 45 minutes to an hour.

Thank you.

Bye.

Have a nice day.

So we're supposed to follow up again in an hour?

God damn it.

Yeah, 45 minutes would be right around 1.30.

We'll call it that.

What happened to 30 minutes or it's free?

That hasn't existed.

That was in like 1988.

Yeah, that ended like in 1987, 1988.

what kind of cheap bullshit retraction bullshit is that it's called fucking gas what you want

to hear what's really funny is i actually had pizza delivered from that safe shop dude when

i lived there in el sagundo area that's actually amazing because on most nights it's like 20 minutes

to a half hour weekends you could do 45 minutes to an hour but on a fucking thursday night after

after yeah what is it fucking 10 30 11 o'clock there right now yeah exactly shouldn't be that

busy shouldn't be 45 minutes to an hour i don't understand that's laziness yeah even better is

when we call them well even even better is when we call them back and ask them where our fucking

pizza is yeah like if i'm calling pete you know if i call one of the big chains especially and

if it's a friday night or saturday night okay i can understand an hour you know maybe 45 minutes

it's but unless it's like halloween or something you know if it's during the week shouldn't be that

much shouldn't be that much my buddy used to deliver for like a local pizza spaghetti place

yeah and if they got him on the phone like that whoever was making the order that he would have

certain people that he would stop and get beer for him and bring it to him for like a tip you know

oh yeah yeah yeah my friend annie used to be on the show with me he um he he was a pizza delivery

guy for a while he would do shit like he said he had his regulars and he'd pick up you know

Fucking cigarettes and beer and lottery tickets and shit all the time.

It's fucking nuts.

Right.

Scratch-offs.

All right, we're calling.

I'm trying to call.

I don't think I called the dealer chick for Brad.

Brad wants you to call the numbers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm on it.

It happened.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Hi, Lee.

She sounds like she's got nice teeth on her, you know, nice white teeth, nice pearly whites.

And she doesn't have those cavities on the back teeth, you know, the back molar, so when she opens up.

Oh, she sounds like a spinner all the way.

spinner that's how you make a vagina roll that's what already was trying to get yo jose come on man

even fix the history i'm gonna hang up on you it's fucking me up all right i'm gonna hang up

all right peace all right see you all right this is killing me oh yeah hey yeah hey um i saw that

you had someone needing you need someone to call your new cell phone and you couldn't find it yeah

Yeah, I got it, I think.

Oh, where was it?

Underneath the house.

Oh.

Were you sleeping?

Mm-hmm.

I'm sorry.

So your kids took it, though?

Is that what happened?

What?

Your kids took the cell phone and you lost it?

They left it somewhere?

Yeah.

You know, if you want, I'll test.

One of your kids might be autistic and stupid.

Maybe I can test him for you.

Find out if they have retard.

Do you think one of your kids is stupid, autistic, or something?

No.

How old are they?

They're five and two four-year-olds.

Oh, is the four-year-old potty trained?

The twins?

Yeah.

We're working on it.

Oh, you see, they're a little slow.

So that's probably, it's probably one of them is autistic.

Maybe both of their twins.

They're probably retarded.

Who is it?

This is Cross.

You've posted on Facebook.

We're friends on Facebook, and I saw that you needed help finding your cell phone.

But I'm concerned.

I'm a kid.

I'm a doctor with kids.

I work with kids.

I do evaluations of kids who might have Asperger's or autism and stuff like that.

Maybe one of the kids is stupid.

Oh, my God.

Goodbye.

Do you want to have them checked?

I'll check them for free for stupid.

No, she's gone.

Pocky, Pocky.

Baz would like you to call her back and ask her if her kid is a fucking mongoloid.

No, that's mean.

But you had no problem like a week or two back calling and telling a lady that her kids

fucking stupid for wanting

this toy or something for Christmas.

Did I do that?

It was a little girl, right?

No way.

That had to be Jim Short.

No, that was me. I remember. I said,

your kid's fucking stupid. She's like, what?

Excuse me.

Where's Jim tonight?

I don't know. Jim Stevens?

We don't know where Jim is. Jim Stevens, yeah.

Who knows where that guy is.

He's out practicing archery with his 16-year-old

fiance.

that sick fucker said he wanted to do some foreplay

with like an archery arrow or some shit

he was going to put it in my ass

hey

ask AMD

he's a UK guy ask him about

that policy of

ages and marriages and such

maybe he can fill us in

in the UK

16 is the

legal age you can actually get married

after 16 as well

but obviously

Obviously, you know, if you've got like a 60-year-old guy going out with a 16-year-old, it's a bit pervy, I suppose.

But, yeah, 16 here, not 18.

I think it's 18 in America, isn't it?

Yeah, 18.

For most of America.

I think there's a state or two that's 16 or 17.

Ageofconsent.com.

We got that one down.

Aren't you dirty?

Dirty hasn't fucking locked in at his fucking favorites.

Let me reference this real quick.

This is my moment.

I've got to get this site out.

I love this site.

I love this shit, dude.

He's a fucking founder and fucking contributor to the website.

Contributor, yeah.

I'm the Steve Jobs of fucking ageofconsent.com.

Age of Consent.

You're the guy.

Well, it's actually a website then, isn't it?

I've not seen that.

Well, no, like Florida, if you're under 23, you can be with a 16-year-old,

and once you turn 24, it has to be 18 and up.

I think that's what it is.

Oh, right.

Because my pot dealer, when I was younger, he was 23 or 22.

He was around the border, and something happened with a 16-year-old,

and he freaked out, and I found out for him.

Tracking our order.

It is currently being baked.

Sweet.

Oh, yeah, we got the pizza tracker.

Okay, yeah, let me know when that's done.

Let me know when that's done.

I sure will.

Good work.

You know, I love that Domino's pizza tracker.

I put the Jamaica one on.

Do that one, the beach one.

Do it.

which one are you using

pick your theme let's take a look

I don't know it's a default one

we'll take a look

that stupid guy that walks around I hate that guy

which one do you use the one with the fucking parrot

yeah that fucking parrot

it's the guy and he's like

yo man your board is in the oven

it's a hot one

I don't know why I like it so much

what the fuck is that

there's a pizza tracker

dominoes.com when you order a pizza

you can go to dominoes.com

it'll tell you

if your order's being baked

is it being prepped

is it on the way

text it or audio

you go to the website and put in the phone number

you ordered your pizza under

and it'll show you the progress of your order

I just saw what you talked about

oh man it's a hot one

it's a hot one out there

I don't know why

that's what it's right

I usually I play

when I got a pizza coming because it plays

a calypso music in the background and

I'm all happy I'm like I'm getting a pizza

motherfucker

hey AMD you and your

old lady were supposed to find out about

the hot dog crust pizza what happened

with that sir did you ever find out

at Domino's yes she told you

I put her on the mic

they do do it

remember they said that yeah you were going to order

order it though i thought i was hoping you would order it uh well i haven't ordered any dominoes

but i can check for you yeah i will get on the case i thought you wanted to know about it

for you but um we haven't ordered it but i will make that my mission and when you get a chance

i'm just curious if it's any good we don't get it here in the states so i just want to review

on the hot dog crust dominoes pizza that's all or is pizza hut pizza it has it the uh i will make

it my mission at the moment she's gone on a big internet shop so um she's ordered a load of food

at the moment so i have to eat that i'm not allowed any takeaways for the next week

just when she's not around order it you know she doesn't have to be around

let's be our secret she has all the cards in her wallet uh-huh you see what's up with that

you're not married are you married to her engaged engaged you might as well be married i hear you

man i hear pretty much but it's all good i hold all the purse strings i pay all the bills so

uh you motherfucker i got unemployment i'm on unemployment and i'm still gonna pay the bills

aaron that's so fucking i got money i got money saved up motherfucker i'm taking that trip to

san francisco me and my man milkman be smoking that medical weed watch are you gonna come to

oregon all right here's what i wanted to say here's something all right let's see this number

answers first by the way these are brad's calls and i'm finally getting to one of them was pretty

pretty good hi you've reached matilda tanner's voice now also firefly art pottery and face and

body pottery yeah it's a front for pot fucking granola organic fucks all right so i wanted to

throw this out there for the chat room and for the website um here's what i was thinking i think

it'd be really cool if we did a madhouse meet but i'm only gonna go i will i will fly to a town and

get a room a hotel room or something and we can all hang out and do a madhouse show together i'll

bring all the equipment that we need and who but what we need to come up with is the best town

geographically where the highest number of madhouse listeners and crew are going to be

able to show up at you know that must be devon then devon uh yeah you'll have to come to devon

in the uk yeah i guess thousands of listeners i bet how about ohio how about turkey ohio i don't

know milkman where do you i mean indiana one of those two well where do we have a lot i think

most of our listeners are on the west coast i think it's going to be a west coast thing

i think i think most of our people are west coasters i'm not sure we'd have to figure it

out a lot of the phone losers grew and like like uh the robocop also known as rpcp in oregon all

those people are like over here in oregon yeah yeah in oregon there's some people in canada

right north of Washington State, I think, too.

Yeah, well, Baz is up there in the Seattle area.

I think Kokanee's up there or something.

Kokanee's in Calgary, Baz is in British Columbia, I think.

Illinois is a pretty central location for everybody, if you've figured out.

Illinois, you think, is like a hub location for everybody?

It's like a central location for everybody.

It's like midway for everyone, I would think.

Yeah, Petty Pranks is saying, and we'll set the Petty Pranks.

I like Petty Pranks and stuff.

Petty Pranks, welcome to Madhouse.

Everyone, check out Petty Pranks.

Give out your YouTube channel.

I think it's YouTube.com slash Petty Pranks.

Everyone go there and subscribe and check out his stuff.

He's got some good pranks, good people.

Yeah, I'm thinking Canada.

He's mentioning a Canadian city.

I just lost it.

It went up.

But Halifax, I think he said.

But, yeah, Canada, we've got a lot of Canadian listeners.

That might be cool.

Maybe Toronto, Vancouver.

I don't know.

I don't know what's what or where's what.

or something we can we do the whistler what's whistler go to windsor windsor windsor where's

that ontario ontario right across the bridge yeah yeah exactly yeah carlito yo yeah there's actually

an app i've got on my i've got a windows phone and there's actually an app i downloaded uh the

other day and i can actually pick up uh the madhouse on it my brother's listening to it in

the next room which i will say chris get me a beer but um yeah so that probably give you some

more listeners but you can pick it up there's an actual app it's called tune in i don't know

if you've heard of it but it's on radio yeah and it's on the windows phone in the uk as well so

it's pretty good actually so all right i'll see about us getting uh so you're we're not are we

we're not listed on i'm sorry did you say we are listed on you are we are listed on it i can i

I can listen to – if I'm not at home, I can listen to you on my mobile phone, which is pretty good because I couldn't do it with the internet because it didn't – you know what the Windows phone is like.

It's a pain in the ass.

Yeah.

But yeah, they're on there.

AMD, that helps out because I've had quite a few people asking, how do I listen on mobile?

And I think TuneIn works on iOS also.

I think it's on Apple.

Yeah, you're definitely on TuneIn.

Tell them to tune in.

That's a pretty good program actually.

Yeah, so I'm going to – I'll check out the Android version, see if we show up there and if it works.

I know the Apple version – I don't know what had us, but I know there's an app called that.

You say it works on Windows Phone and –

Yeah, I've got the Windows Phone.

Yeah, if that were that, we should promote that, Milkman.

Think about that.

We should say the best place to listen to us on a mobile phone is on TuneIn.

If it works for everybody universally, that would make it easy.

Well, in the UK, I hear crystal clear.

it's just down as madhouse radio not madhouse live but um everything you post on there um is is um

broadcast you know straight through to the phone so it's pretty good cool we actually the the

website traffic there is a lot of uk traffic yes crossing uh breaking news breaking news pizza has

went through the quality check is now out for delivery all right we got a call good call good

timing thank you now just got to remember the which uh the dominoes is the one yeah no we

We need to give them probably another 20 minutes to go out and squander around with their delivery and give them a call.

Fucker, I should have ordered one from the Pizza Hut going back to the Domino's also.

Fucking fail, man.

Oh, you should still fucking do it.

Yeah, maybe.

Let's see what happens with Domino's, and then we'll send it back.

Yeah, there we go.

Well, I wonder, that's a big intersection.

There might be more.

There's a Wells Fargo there and shit.

I don't know.

What the fuck?

I don't know what the fuck.

If they're going to show up at the Wells Fargo, well, they'll be closed.

There's a few more things in that area.

but i guess the ld drivers they all use gps now right they know exactly where they're going

yeah i would assume they would have gps with that type of job i know when i worked for a dish and

had to go out to everyone's house and install shit i'd gps all the way yeah milkman milkman

has done the same thing he's driving a taxi he uses the gps like a motherfucker carlito i was

gonna tell you about some funny shit last two months yeah earlier in the show you were talking

about bitching at companies like you know sprint and all them i bitched at comcast because i have

of internet for them the last two months i have not had a bill because i will get onto a chat with

them at night and bitch about something they cannot verify and demand like a five dollar

fucking uh you know what credit on my bill here and there and i'll hit once or twice a week

my bill originally is uh about 37 i have had no bill the last two months how do you have only a

a $37 bill from Comcast.

It's $29.99, $7 modem

rental, and then tax. Really?

So you do internet only with them?

I found it

cheaper for me to split it up

and go with Comcast for internet,

Dish Network for satellite,

than to bundle it with one company.

Okay, well, more power to you. That works.

Hey, man, so you work

for Dish. Did you ever get

the cards, you know what I mean?

The burnt cards to get them free?

Not when I worked for Dish.

When I was younger, we had DirecTV, and we had the equipment to burn the cards.

Oh, wow.

It was basically a credit card swiping machine.

You would take their chip card and fucking just put it in there, put a file boot on it, put it back in your receiver, got everything.

Wow.

Yeah, that was awesome.

In the Puerto Rican circles, there's always a guy that knows a guy that gets that, and you get hooked up.

and so at least in my hometown in florida i would say about 50 of the puerto rican population which

is pretty big has that card and they're getting the free pay-per-view the free boxing the free

porno all that stuff man it's good stuff they used to fuck me up all the time and my brother

was real good about sitting out in the living room watching the big screen downstairs i'd come

home from school and i'd flip it on and it just as loud as could be fucking porno blasted nice i'm

Like, you motherfucker, at least you could change the channel

before you turned the goddamn TV off for the night.

There you go.

Hey, let's do prank calls.

I got John Hugh Davies in England.

Anyone want to do this?

Brent, you interested?

Call that motherfucker.

All right.

Brent, where's your next show?

Any word?

You had a test show.

I don't know.

I got a beta version, and thanks a lot for helping me out getting that set up.

And I think what I was trying to do the last few days is I was sort of combing

through the forums for i remember a guy was posting there about how to set up a real cheap

and you know easy rig was a digital it's called like a digital audio cable something like that

where you instead of having cables running outside and plugging in like you would if you

were hooking up a uh you know like a like a studio setup yeah it's all supposed to be internal yeah

dac yeah milkman knows about this offer yeah what's up what'd you find out i couldn't i

downloaded one and i couldn't make it work and i think it's more because i'm running off of this

It's just a Windows 7 i5 laptop, you know?

Oh, that should be fine.

I think that should be fine, yeah.

Yeah, well, I don't know about the sound card.

I mean, it doesn't have enough.

Digital audio cable looked way too complicated for me when I looked at it once.

Milkman tried to sell me on the idea.

I was like, ah, it looks all right, but I'll stick to my wires, my cables everywhere.

I should do a video.

The problem was that I'll have to get with you later

and figure out how to where to send my files from the stream to record it you know stuff like that

from shoutcast oh yeah yeah i'll tell you yeah you i heard you when you were doing your setup

before that show um you burned you went right past that option you were like ah and screw that

and i meant to tell you oh no you need that for recording but i forgot to tell you my bad right

because i was i uh you know the guys were saying the levels were okay for them but you know because

i was and i was just playing music off of youtube and shit like that but uh the problem for me

mainly was is that i was trying to have to basically look up my own numbers and the guys

that were on were trying to help but yeah you know i got a few ideas that will be that i have to kind

of prepare for so i think i'm gonna i'm gonna start that print that new demand i got out i'm

gonna probably set that up as a network hopefully i can get some more jim will start doing shows

again i don't know uh forgive me yeah i don't have a definitive date i mean sunday nights are

are always good you know maybe i'll try and kick another one on sunday but it's getting close to

thanksgiving where the family's going to be here and shit but yeah defended it probably definitely

that the um the sunday after thanksgiving for sure okay that the next day off yeah well for

sure hey we should do a i want to do a monday show you said you're that's your day off we should do

a monday i want to do a monday morning show but for morning for me it's going to be way early

for you i don't think you're going to want to get out i get up at 6 a.m usually so okay so like

Like 9 o'clock my time.

We should do like a 10 a.m. show on Mondays.

10 a.m. my time.

That would be like 7 your time.

I don't know if you could do that or not.

Right, right.

Well, you know, RBCP is my neighbor.

I just need to go down and check his setup out.

He's not really my neighbor, but closer than you are.

Yeah, yeah.

All right.

Hey, let's do a prank.

We said this guy is John Hugh Davies, all right?

John Hugh Davies.

In Cardiff.

All right.

Yeah.

It's for AMD's hometown.

I'm going to paste some other ones here.

Sorry.

Today, I broke up a little bit.

Did Milkman fall asleep?

Milkman fell asleep.

Yep, fell asleep.

John.

Yes, hello, is John there?

Who's that?

Oh, this is Brent.

Hello, John.

John Davis?

Yeah.

Brent Wetswood calling from the water machines?

dick.

Yeah, he was a...

Let me do one.

I'll put my socks on.

Hang on real quick.

Milkman, you there?

Did you fall asleep?

I think I hear him snoring.

Nope.

Who's snoring?

Someone's snoring.

Enigma, you fall asleep?

Hang on.

Ken?

I'm just checking for misses.

I could swear I heard something.

Milkman, you were snoring.

Didn't you fall asleep?

You did, didn't you?

He fell asleep.

Oh, what do you mean?

I don't know.

I'm going to analyze this later, Milkman, if I find you were sleeping.

going to call you down frame by frame it's better if you just tell me now just tell me now if you

did and it won't be as bad for you tell me the truth all right all right wake up i'm gonna call

the next one here is it whales yes these are all whales you want to do it yeah go on i'll put my

watch out all right do you see do you see the names in the chat uh skype chat and i'll give me

two seconds i've got it up uh yes because of t timothy yeah uh well we're doing uh above that

davies john jeffrey davies well i got it i got the address too okay cool in case you need it here you

go okay hello hello but how you doing you all right hello hello hello how you doing i haven't

seen you in ages how you doing you okay who's this it's me jeff how you doing you're right i'm

I'm just ringing up.

I'm just saying I'm on my way down to your place now, Mrs. Davis.

I haven't seen you for ages.

I'm looking for Davis John.

Davis John?

Geoffrey?

Hello?

It's me.

It's me, too.

It's me, Roger.

Come on now.

We used to drink in Wales together.

Come on now.

Remember me.

You said I could come down and stay.

Stay for the weekend.

It's Friday now.

Yeah, I'll be there in about, what, half hour?

I'm just passing the Severn Bridge.

Are you guys up?

No.

I'm a friend of Davies.

You know me.

I don't know who you are.

Is your partner there, Davies?

I'm a good friend of his.

Me and him going to school together back in Wales.

I haven't been to Wales for ages, so I'm going to catch up with him.

Hello?

Hello, how are you doing, my boy?

How are you? It's me, it's me, Jeff.

Who's me?

Oh, it's me, Jeff.

I was in school with you, remember?

I did send you a Facebook ad.

I don't know if you got it.

No, I don't.

I'm going to come down, listen, listen, I'm going to come down to your place now, all right?

You're in 11 London, right?

Sorry, it's me, Geoff.

29, hang on, just double checking now.

You're in Wales, yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's me, Geoff.

You're at 11 London, right?

Yeah.

I'm coming down now, I'll be there about, well, half hour, I think.

I'm just passing the Severn Bridge.

You remember I said you were a couple of years ago.

I was going to come down back to England to come and visit.

Well, now is the time.

I'm coming.

You know, I work late tonight, you know.

So get up and come on.

Let's go and have a beer.

You got any beers in the fridge?

You got any beers?

Come on.

I'll be there in a minute.

Well, I haven't booked a hotel, so I've got to come down to your house.

Huh?

Hello?

Target's gone.

Oi.

Is he gone?

Yeah.

I'll call him back.

See if they answer this time.

Yeah, call him back.

You got it, man. You got it.

Hello?

Hello, come on, don't be like that now.

I said to you I'd come down in a couple of years.

Now I'm coming now.

I haven't got a B&B or nothing,

so I'm going to have to stay down at your place.

So are you guys going to get up?

Jeffrey.

Jeffrey Roberts.

Come on, we went to the same bloody school.

For a fact, say.

Come on.

Jeffrey Roberts.

Remember.

You do, you do.

What school did you go to?

I went to the same school we went to.

You know, I can't remember the name now.

It's been about 50 years.

I know it's the Welsh school, we used to talk Welsh there, but bloody hell, you know.

Anyway, I'll be there in about half an hour, are you going to let me in?

Yeah, look, sorry, I don't know who you are, sorry.

No, no, no, hang on, let me just check I've got the right guy.

You're at 11, London, right, yeah?

No, we're not.

11?

No.

You're not at 11, right, well, what's your address then, I'll come there.

No, I don't know who you are, sorry, mate.

Oh, hang on, I'm thinking of something else.

No, sorry, 51 Hazel, too close.

Oh, God, just looking at my sat-nav, my sat-nav's playing up.

Um, are you guys going to go and make me some food?

Because I'm absolutely bloody starving.

Yeah, well...

Can I have a bacon sandwich, please?

I don't want a bacon sandwich.

You've got the wrong address, mate, and you've got the wrong number, sorry.

What, 51 Hazel Street?

Yeah.

You're not living there anymore.

Where are you living now, then?

What's your address? I'll write it down.

You've got the wrong number and the wrong address.

Oh, don't be like that now.

No, no, no, you're lying to me.

You've got the wrong address, you've got the wrong number.

Number 11?

We've got the wrong address and the wrong number and the wrong...

So you're telling me you don't live at number 11?

We don't live at, as you said, no, we don't.

You do live there, and I'm coming to visit, and I'm going to stay tonight.

I don't care what you say.

I've traveled all this way, and I'm not very happy.

So get your ass out of bed and fucking make me a sandwich.

I think he's gone.

All right, good.

And breaking news here, excuse me.

The shellcast came back up from Madhouse, and the rotation service took over.

there might be some confusion

on the 18 people who are listening there

so if you give me a second

I need to re-kick the Madhouse stream

yeah so

let me do something here let me play something

we can go late tonight

I mean Milkman has to go soon

but I mean I can do a late show

I'm up for it

yeah we can do that

alright we'll do a late show tonight

well yeah

I'll be honest

to the microphone motherfucker yeah i'm yeah what's going on speaker guy speaker

yeah he's doing something listen no i put my microphone up around my head oh hey

you forgot yeah look man i'm um i'm stuck in that five hour saturday episode from a few weeks

from two weeks ago two weekends ago i'm i'm stuck in a quagmire trying to finish editing that

because it's so long i'm just i don't know why fit a dry spell with the editing just like

like mental block, I'm sorry, podcast listeners.

Where do you all edit out in that stuff?

I got to take out, you know, like the last names

and the name of the stores and stuff like that,

and I'm about halfway through it,

but every time I want to get to it, I don't finish it.

We went on forever.

I mean, we were all fucking, I mean, it was 2 a.m. on the West Coast.

Yeah.

That was a whole fucking show.

Yeah.

Mount Lala is here in the chat room.

I wanted to make, hey, Mount or MT Lala or Mount Lala.

Hope it's Mount Lala.

That would be awesome for a girl to be named Mount.

Like she's got big mounts.

Gold star.

Yeah.

Nintendo Skater has been really vocal lately, talking to me on chat a lot.

I want to know if Nintendo Skater, you have a mic?

Get on Skype.

If you have a mic, I'll call you in.

I just want to hear what he sounds like.

Yeah, he's got a Skype.

I don't know if he's got a mic.

I want to put him on.

Yeah, he's got a mic.

He was on Dirty Show.

Yeah, he was on my show for a minute.

We did a couple.

We actually called the Waffle House.

Is he for real?

Because he sounds like he's kind of trolling.

Is he a kid or something?

No.

He's a good-ass man, I think.

He's a good-ass man.

He's got a beautiful voice, too, when he calls his manager.

Speaking of Waffle House, did you guys hear about the fucking CEO and the fucking sex scandal?

No.

With Waffle House?

Waffle House had a sex scandal?

The Waffle House dude?

Yeah, the CEO.

Yo, fucking, I guess he had this housekeeper, and throughout the years he was screwing her.

And he's trying to claim that at some point she blackmailed him and said,

Hey, you know, we've been having sex all this time.

I'm going to tell people that you were raping me and shit like that.

Oh, fuck.

And so now he's caught up in this shit.

Or no, it was a sexual harassment thing is what he was doing, saying,

You know, if you want to keep your job, we're going to do something.

No, you're getting that confused with the director of the CIA.

I was going to say, that sounded like a Petraeus thing.

And you know what else?

The same shit, the Elmo guy, the guy that does the voice of Elmo,

that came out to be fake.

That guy recanted a story.

By the way, we're back on the Madhouse stream.

If you were listening to a repeat show or prank calls,

this is Madhouse live right now for November 16th.

We've been having technical issues, but we're back on the stream.

Anyway, yes.

Was it the providers then?

Yeah, it was the provider.

They finally kicked back.

Maybe they're doing maintenance.

I don't know.

but of all the times to do maintenance fuck me um yeah the elmo guy was bullshit and the

who really cares right unless unless like uh national security was at a risk because it was

like a russian woman he was sleeping with do you know that it's actually against the law

a military a code of ethics or something for a officer of his standing to commit adultery

Oh, come on. Really? Seriously?

No, seriously. That's what it's about. That's what it's about. That's what they're using.

That's bullshit, then. Well, whatever. Leave the man alone.

Yeah, that's what they're using, dude.

It's just like Michael Lewinsky and the Sadar and all that shit.

It's just a fucking other adjective.

Well, he's testifying tomorrow on the whole Benghazi thing,

which is suspect that this happened at the same time.

And now, from what I understand, if what I heard was correct late today,

was that him testifying regarding the Benghazi thing

is going to be handled in a closed-door environment.

It's not going to be open.

So we're not going to get the whole story as to what happened here, possibly.

I don't know.

Benghazi, the whole Libya thing.

You know the whatchamacallit that got killed?

That's what a lot of people said.

Oh, it's a cover-up because of that.

It's a cover-up because of that.

I don't buy it that far, but something fishy is going on.

You ask me, something really fishy is going on.

It's all fucking cover-up, dude.

I mean, at some point or another, I mean, they're just, and it's funny that, I mean,

it's funny that all this stuff has come out, you know, after the election.

I mean, I'm not much of a conspiracy theorist, but, you know, I know what an October surprise is.

It came out the day after the election.

Yeah.

Let me do this one here.

Oh, wait, that's the wrong one.

I didn't want...

That's the one that AMD already called.

Let me do John Davies by itself.

Here we go.

Call him back.

Yeah, I will.

I will.

Excuse me.

Let me do this one first.

Guy in the chat room.

Hey, random guy.

Hello.

Score can be taken at the moment.

Read your message after the tone.

You guys see that new James Bond movie?

It's pretty good.

Sky Falls.

Yeah, I heard.

Yeah, well, no.

Jen was saying it was good because it came out in the UK like two weeks before.

Yeah, I saw it yesterday.

It's pretty good.

I'm a big Bond fan, so...

Yes, hello.

hello is this davies who's this hi this is cross this is john davies no here you are come on don't

be stupid who are you this is timothy jacob then maybe i made a mistake on the paper tim jacob

i'm sorry huh who is this oh this is cross and we were calling because there's a movement to

push out the welsh language in wales do you speak welsh at all or no what the hell are you talking

about why are you calling me there's a movement going on to push the welsh culture and language

away from our home here in Wales, where it belongs.

So we were just calling to see if you're a regular speaker of Welsh in your household.

No, I am not.

And I'm not in the least bit interested.

Then why don't you go back to England then?

He hung up before I got...

I'm going to tell him to go back to England.

Do you know what would be good?

That's the same guy in it.

Get somebody else to do a prank to him now.

I didn't know Wales...

By washing machines.

I thought if you were Welsh, you were basically English.

Like, isn't the Prince of Wales that one kid?

That one guy with the ears?

Isn't Charles...

isn't good voicemail isn't charles the prince of wales or something king charles prince charles

all right but he's not welsh then like did they just give you a town to be the king of or

something uh something like that i don't really follow the welsh but the welsh the royal family

but um he's yeah apparently he's the prince of wales or something whatever let me ask you this

are you a royalist or no like do you are you a monarchist rather so to say these i really

really couldn't care less about the rolls to be honest as long as my playstation works i'm happy

that's about as far as i care about and i've got beers in the fridge there as long as you what else

do you need man maybe you like guinness you like guinness beer no no i just i brought me on wine

i uh make me on wine from scratch i'm actually going to do it tomorrow but um i like i like my

beers wine playstation and my hd tv and that's about it and a wink and a wink

You still got the optics up there, mate?

I've still got them, yeah.

I've still got them, right?

This is my brother.

He's a Welshman, yeah, right?

He doesn't sound like me.

This is Christopher, right?

And he's a Muppet, but hang on.

I'm a fucking Muppet.

Yo, what's up, America?

Hey, Muppet.

Hey.

Yeah, the thing with the English and Welsh is just we never, ever get along.

No, never.

That's the only thing about it.

Okay.

We're not the same in any way, but, you know, we just don't get along.

And my brother's renounced his faith to the Welsh.

is there is there a religious difference like are you guys catholics or something like what's up

i think there is actually come to think of it catholic welsh yeah i think there is actually

uh catholic welsh out there yeah but um no yeah the only thing that i know about uh english and

welsh is we never get along you know obviously we call them english bastards and we call they

call us sheep shaggers that's horrible why would they say something that's horrible

Well, fuck them.

It's cool as fuck.

Yeah, that is.

We say to them, we shag them, you eat them.

And then they ain't got shit to say but out of me.

That's true.

Yeah, they know how you taste.

If you're shagging them and they're eating them, right?

Good point.

Good on you, Christopher.

Very good, man.

I like that.

Carl, you know, time to fire back to the pizza joint.

Oh, the pizza place.

Yes, thank you.

God damn it, I got off track.

Hey, I'll pass you back to my bro.

Yeah, dude.

Yeah, see you later.

Nice talking to you, big guy.

Yeah, take care.

I'm up there in the north.

At least you're not like that noo-noo cocksucker.

That is my sheep shagging brother.

Your sheep shagging brother.

What did he say?

Wank off?

What did he tell you to do?

He's a wanker.

He's a muppet.

And he needs to fucking shower, too.

He stinks.

You know, Muppet, that's funny.

The new Madhouse promo has a thing about Muppets.

It's a long story.

I'll play it for you in a second.

Oh, okay.

I want you to hear it.

Is that why you've been playing around on Fiverr again?

I made it.

Thanks for calling Domino's Pizza.

Ask for Jose.

We're home of Domino's new handmade pan pizza

with a crispy golden crust and a buttery taste.

Try Domino's new handmade pan pizza today.

Get a medium, two topping for just $7.99.

Oh, wait, I'm calling the wrong number.

This call may be monitored or recorded.

Don't forget to try one of our three delicious varieties.

I'm calling the other place.

Shut up.

Thank you for holding.

My name is Maria.

Would you like to order pizza, pasta, or sandwiches?

Hey, are you the place that delivers their Crenshaw or is that a different place?

I'm sorry?

Do you deliver to Crenshaw or no?

No, you're the other place, right?

Didn't you give me a phone number for another place?

For what city?

Yeah, I go to hell.

All right, I called the wrong place.

Listen, let me call the right one.

Petty Pranks, you can be on.

You got to add me on Skype, madhouse.radio on Skype, and I'll get you on.

But, yeah, Jose was the one that delivered your pizza that said he was out.

Jose.

Thanks for calling Domino's Pizza.

This call may be monitored or recorded.

We'll be right with you to take your order.

Introducing Domino's new handmade pan pizza, delivering a crisp...

Thank you for calling Domino's Pizza. This is Sarah speaking. How can I help you?

Yes, sir. I've been waiting for Jose to deliver a pizza.

Okay. Can I have your address, please?

Yeah. He was supposed to deliver it to 1914 West Rosecrans.

Okay, that order was canceled because the number that you gave me was the number for a Taco Bell.

No, it wasn't a Taco Bell.

So we canceled the order.

It wasn't a Taco Bell.

Yeah, the number that you gave me was...

Yeah.

We called the number back, and it was a Taco Bell that answered.

So the order was canceled, but if you like, we can replace the order.

Give me one second.

Did you make it?

I'm sorry?

The computer says Jose was going to bring it here.

Okay.

I'm at the Taco Bell.

You ordered online, right?

I mean, I'm sorry, you ordered over the phone, right?

Yeah, I'm at the Taco Bell, all right?

I'm in the parking lot.

I'm waiting.

You're in the parking lot of the Taco Bell?

Waiting, yeah.

I don't like the people coming to my house.

It's dangerous.

Okay.

Why didn't you send the pizza?

At no point did you let me know that you were in the parking lot of a Taco Bell.

I just gave the address.

Which is why we were kind of confused about that, and so the driver came back.

The order was canceled.

Give me one second, please.

The golden crunch and a buttery taste.

The dough is never frozen, made with two layers of real cheese and topping.

Okay, I can replace your order.

I can have it sent back, but it's going to have to be sent back to a house.

I'm scared.

I don't want those people.

One of these people came, and they delivered a pizza once, okay?

And then I went to work the next day, and they came into my house, and they touched my dog.

And I don't want that happening again.

That's why I don't give out my address.

Okay.

Give me one second.

I'll be right back with you.

Listen, I know it's going to be him because he's going to have Pizza Hut on the car.

So I was going to tell him, hey, it's me.

I was going to flash my lights and honk my horn and everything.

Domino's.

Yeah, I know.

Oh, Domino's.

Okay, yeah.

But anyway, I was going to say, hey, over here, you know, and let him come and deliver the pizza.

I have the money and everything.

Actually, our cars do not have the car top sign.

Oh, man.

So it looks like a regular car.

So tell him I'm in a black van.

I can have it reset back to you.

Just give me one second.

All right, honey.

All the way to the edge.

Try our new handmade pan pizza today.

Get a medium two topping for only $7.99.

Our new handmade pan pizza is only available in medium size,

but feel free to order two or three or more.

Pan pizza Domino's is good.

I must say.

Order a large, extra large.

It's not as good as the pizza at Pan Pizza, but it's good.

Visit Domino's.com to view our entire menu,

You can place your order online and even track your meal from order to delivery.

Back to school time means fall and football, and Domino's has everything you need to make the best of it.

Try our new handmade pan pizza, along with all your favorite sides, like our stuffed cheese bread or parmesan bread bites,

chicken wings or boneless chicken, with your favorite dipping sauce, oven-baked sandwiches or pasta,

and, of course, our famous cinnamon sticks or our decadent chocolate lava crunch cakes for dessert.

And don't forget that icy cold Coca-Cola product to wash it all down.

Available in 1 ounce or 2 liter sizes.

Taking too long. I'm going to call back ahead, Zero.

A 3 liter of pan-made pizza.

The pan pizza only comes in medium, Milkman.

Thanks for calling Domino's Pizza.

O prima e il dos para oire.

This call may be monitored or recorded.

They're only 7 bucks.

We'll be right with you to take your order.

At least locally here, for me, they're only 7 bucks for a pan pizza from Domino's.

So for 100 pounds worth.

Thank you for calling Domino's Pizza.

so this is Sarah speaking. Can you please hold?

Yeah, I was waiting about the pizza

to deliver to my car.

Okay, let me just put the other line on hold.

Give me one second. Alright, honey.

Feel free to order, too.

Okay, so what I can

do is I can replace

your order, but I can't have it delivered.

You would have to come and pick up the order,

and what I can do is I can give you a discount

on the original price that I gave you.

That's the best I can do.

Why did he drive off and not say anything or call me?

Well, because the number that you gave us is the number for the Taco Bell.

It was not your phone number.

Oh, you're right.

So you think it's my fault, maybe, because of that?

It's both our faults, right?

We're both at our fault?

Okay, sure, but I can't have it delivered.

Is that pizza still?

I can replace your order for pickup, and like I said, I will give you a discount for the inconvenience,

but I can't have the order delivered.

Can I just pick it up?

Is it ready?

Can I have the same one?

It's ready to pick up.

what do you it was i'm sorry he's not gonna you guys didn't throw it away or anything yet did you

i'm sorry look i can't drive that far there's a bully uh in the area there's a bully he's a

he bullies me all the time and i'm kind of afraid that's kind of the reason why i'm afraid that he

works for you people or that he'll see me you know who lysol is i'm sorry do you know lysol

i'm sorry do you know lysol i'm sorry you're kind of breaking up i can barely hear you what

What was that?

There's a guy named Lysol who's after me.

Lysol.

He's after me.

He keeps, like, following me around and everything.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I can't do anything about that.

Like I said, I can replace your order if you pick it up, but I cannot have the order delivered.

The order will be here.

It will be fresh for about another half an hour, maybe 40 minutes if you want to come pick it up.

But I can't.

I'm sorry.

I can't have it delivered.

Hey, bud, you've got to promise me the Lysol doesn't hang out there.

You don't know who he is.

He's not allowed there.

I'm sorry.

I don't know who that is.

I don't know anybody outside of the store.

I mean, if that's the case, then I really don't know what to tell you.

But I can't have the order delivered.

The order is here if you want to come pick it up.

Can you just make sure?

And like I said, I will give you a discount.

But listen, can one of your guys come out to the car when I pick up the pizza?

I'm sorry.

I can't do that.

You have to come into the store.

Listen, I'm going to come into the store, but I want, like, one of your guys to escort me back to the car to make sure Lysol isn't out there.

Like, just to, like, you know, to keep an eye out and make sure he's not around because he'll hurt me.

Lysol will know.

I can watch you.

I can watch you from the door as you walk out to your car.

I cannot have anybody escort you out to the car.

But can you, do you have cameras outside?

I just want to make sure Lysol doesn't find out.

There is cameras outside the store.

All right, so I'll be protected from Lysol?

Yes.

Okay.

Your order's ready if you want to come

pick it up. I'm sorry, I have other

customers to take care of.

Like I said, you're welcome to come pick up

your order. Alright, no Lysol

though. Alright, I'll see you. Thanks.

Have a nice day.

Fucking crappy bastard.

You can't let me ring up as Lysol.

Let me ring up as Lysol.

I'll phone up and ask him for you.

What did you say? I'll phone up as Lysol.

What did you say your name was? Cross?

Yeah, tell him.

Let me ring up and I'll be Lysol.

Cross, yeah.

Cross, first do the reverse delivery, and then we're going to come back.

I want to do the Lysol thing, though, first.

Then we'll do a reverse delivery.

Yeah, there'll be a photo of his Lysol.

Don't eat Lysol.

I don't want to eat it.

That's right.

I'll be looking for it.

Today's special is two medium hand-tossed.

This call may be monitored or recorded.

We'll be right with you to take your order.

Dirty Aaron is an ashtray.

Introducing Domino's new handmade pan pizza,

delivering a crispy golden crust and a buttery taste.

the dough is never frozen made with two layers of real cheese and toppings all the way to the edge

try our new handmade pan pizza today get a medium two topping for only 7.99 our new handmade pan

pizza is only available in medium size but feel free to order two or three or more thank you for

calling domino's pizza this is sarah speaking king please hold hi there um yeah how long are you gonna

to be. Just a couple minutes. I'll be right

with you. Hurry up. Hurry up.

We won't stop you.

Visit dominoes.com

to view our entire menu, place

your order online, and even track your

meal from order to delivery.

This is Domino's exclusive pizza.

Okay, can I have your phone number, please?

Yeah, I want to order a margarita pizza, please.

I'm over the road. This is

Lysol. I'm actually looking for somebody.

I'm actually starving, so I need

that.

Lysol is calling.

fuck

oh my god

there is a Lysol

they're not Lysol

scared of you

hanging up quick

they're not playing

in Compton with Lysol

she heard Lysol's mean

so she hung up

yeah

she went to go

lock the doors

she did

oh man

Lysol

I like that name

for a bully

she went to lock

the janitor closet too

there's a bully

walking around

telling Lysol

do the reverse

get Lysol out of there

he's gonna kick your butt

yeah

okay

so what I was saying

before you made that call that um another place to call it's 24 hours is all the waffles they're

all 24 hours so yeah yeah what is that guy nintendo skater got it was a i think him or d12

m&m told him that they had a counterfeit bill and got him to like rip it up and throw it in the trash

oh man that is that was skater that was good i remember a call either carlito called the waffle

house or the uh international house of pancakes is some bitch answered and uh he kept calling her

fucking flapjack tits i don't remember that that's uh that sounds funny i like that idea

there flapjack tits yeah it sounded like some black lady oh yeah she was like my titties are

perfect well yeah i know you're talking about what's the matter flapjack tits my titties ain't

I'm glad. They're perfect.

Do you know what I missed, Carly?

I never forget that time that we called the hotel for the hookers.

Remember?

The marketing?

Oh, hookers.

Hello?

Yeah,

hi i understand you're watching the news back there hello who is this yeah the i'm

i'm calling from united computer machines and the computer shows that you're watching a news program

Yeah, okay.

So I asked you who you were.

Yeah, this is Cross.

I'm calling from United Computer Television Machines.

And where are you?

I'm in the call center in Illinois, Chicago.

Our computer shows here that you're watching TV, that you're watching a TV show,

but you don't have a license for the TV.

Is that correct?

And tell us an hour ago.

No, no, sir.

I'm calling regarding your TV license.

You don't have a TV license, but you're watching television right now at this moment.

Is that right?

Do you know what time it is here?

Yeah.

Yeah, I do. The computer tells me it's 7 o'clock in the morning over there, almost.

Yeah, so why are you calling at 7 o'clock in the morning? It's not 7, actually.

It's 6.44.

6.45, yeah. So why are you calling?

Because the computer here comes up if someone's using a television now.

We have a new system. If you're using a television without a TV license, television license.

Right, yeah.

So what concern is it of yours? You're in America, right?

Well, we actually were paid by the British government, the United Kingdom government.

Yeah, I doubt it.

To keep track, yeah.

I doubt that.

So I need you to unplug your television immediately, and I'm going to be watching from here.

Please let me know once you've disconnected it so I can do a test.

Yeah.

Yeah, what's your name?

This is Cross.

Your full name?

Cross Lopez.

I can't hear you anyway.

Anyway, it's been nice talking to you.

Bye.

Please no TV.

I already called that guy once.

My bad.

Whoops.

Let me do one of my sales calls.

Call a UK number and I'll phone them up

Double glazing

Okay hey you gotta send me some more scripts

AMD that's good stuff

When I do you know

Oh yeah the scripts are good

When you try and sell the telemarketer

Or something

Even better is

Try to throw in a manager here and there

And act like you're covering up the phone

And just have the manager going irate

I gotta deal with another one of these

Fucking UK bastards

Snooty cocksuckers

it's michael bright michael bright okay i'll put the address in the chat now okay got it welcome

to voicemail the person you have called is unavailable please leave a message on bollocks

i got more though i got another one i got michael burns let me put a few of them in the chat here

for you okay one of these let me know which one it is so i can uh get the right address i'm gonna

going to start from the top with michael burns right now right okay all right i'll do my sales

script there you go me sales script is this michael bright yeah yes hello there is that mr

bright sorry you must have the wrong number mr burns mr bright excuse me hi there my name is

eric and i'm calling from rainbow windows um i'd just like to tell you today that we you have

absolutely been selected for our promotion excuse me give me a little time in the morning this is

Yes, it's 10 to 7 in the morning.

Exactly.

You can take a ride.

Bye now.

Excuse me?

You can what?

What did he say?

You can take a ride?

Take a ride.

Get on top of him.

Take a ride.

I'll call him again.

People hate telemarketers.

It's him again.

He's going to bend over and let you take a ride.

Hello?

Hello there?

Hello?

Excuse me, who are you?

Hello there.

My name is Eric and I'm calling from

Rainbow Windows. How are you today?

Excuse me. Yes?

Before you go any further, will you please stop ringing

this number? It's 10 to 7 in the morning. I'm still in bed.

I need to tell you about a fantastic

promotion we've got going on.

I don't give a toss about your fantastic promotion.

Please stop ringing this number.

Listen, Mr. Bright, what we're doing

is buy one, you get one free.

It's Burns.

Ringing back, let Brent Westwood

get a hold of him and tell him he's from

Amazon.com selling sex toys.

Okay.

I got it.

All right, here he is again, Michael Burns.

You're selling Plop Jack holders.

Hello?

Michael, there's nobody in the room to call in for different things.

Michael, Michael Burns.

Hello, this is the supervisor at United Window Machines.

Are you there?

Sorry, who are you?

This is Brent Westwood.

I don't know who you are.

I'm the supervisor.

I've taken over this call.

Yes.

So what's the matter?

Why were you being so aggressive with my stuff?

Sorry, it's 10 to 7 in the morning.

I don't take calls like this ever, and I think you're being a bit intrusive.

Yeah, you're being a bit intrusive.

You kept interrupting my man on the phone.

I don't give a fuck what I was doing.

He has no right to ring this number.

Try selling me bloody windows at this time in the morning.

You do it one more time, and I'll be reporting you.

Well, I don't really care if you report me, because you're...

Are you telling me you were having a wank?

Did we interrupt you while you were having a wank?

I think he was.

Huh?

I think he was. He's gone now.

He's having a way.

Can I call him back one more time?

Sure.

You bald bastard.

Just tell him I'm really sad that he didn't miss out on a...

Well, I don't want him to miss out on a special offer.

Just to annoy him more.

There you go.

Hello?

Hello there. Is that Mrs. Bright?

No, that's not her.

It's Burns. It's Burns. I keep telling you it's Burns.

I'm just telling you about it.

You're getting burned. It's Burns. Now Mrs. Burns.

What's his name? Bright?

Burns, you fuck. Here we go. I'll do it again.

I'll say I've got mixed up

It burns

They can't answer now, they can't be answering this time

Hello there Mrs Burns, hi there

It's Eric calling back from Rainbow Windows

I'm sorry about...

Sorry, where are you ringing from?

Rainbow Windows, I'm just calling today

To tell you about our fantastic

Winter offer, we have got...

Is this a joke?

No, no, no, Rainbow Windows, we're calling you about...

Where's Rainbow Windows, they've never heard of you

You've never heard of us

Have you got any television adverts?

You buy one, you get one free.

No, no, where are you based?

You buy one, you get one free.

We're based all around the country, Mrs. Burns.

And basically, today I'm calling you to give us a fantastic offer.

Like I said, it's buy one, get one free.

Okay, we're offering free, no obligational quotations.

So when can I put you down for?

When would you be interested to one of our advisors to come around and see yourself?

Hello?

no call her back and just let me freak her the fuck out it's like this i'll let you do that one

then you're the supervisor angry about why she hung up on me today i made a complaint yeah here

we go busy wants to talk to her busy busy let me try again god bitch let me do one four seven one

yeah she busied she's busy guys i don't know i guess not well we got michael fisher hey i knew

a kid in school named michael fisher he was a cripple and one time i tripped him on purpose

and he fell down.

What about Michael Edwards who skipped that one?

That's pretty asshole-ish there, Carly.

Right along the lines of when you shit in a paper towel

and put it in a microwave.

I was much younger when this happened.

I was like six years old.

But he was being a jerk.

So, yeah, we'll do Michael Edwards.

Good point.

Brent Westwood calling an audible.

Michael Edwards.

And the YouTube stream is down there saying.

Oh, shit, because we hit our time limit.

Thank you, guys.

Yeah, four hours.

Do you want me to do a sales pitch on him?

I'm going to get him wound up.

Okay.

I got to do it.

Give me a second.

I got to figure out how to read.

Those are the best calls when you're either working at a store or something

and you got to hand it off to the manager.

I think my favorite ones are the, what is it called, layaway calls

because you just call them white trash and they just freak out.

Oh, dude, yeah.

You hand it off to the manager, you act like you're covering the phone.

I got some fucking bitch on the line.

You got another one of those cocksuckers coming in here?

I got a fucking bitch.

Well, in the UK, it's not white trash.

It's called pikey.

Just call them a pikey.

Yeah, no, I know about the pikeys, yeah.

Or scumbag.

They hate that.

Pikey, really?

Pikey or scumbag.

Oh, what if you got it?

That's even worse.

What if we call them, like, an Irish traveller?

Would that be offensive at all, or no?

Well, they're tinkers.

They're called the Irish travellers.

But it depends, really.

You don't see a lot of them in Wales.

the more in england the old pikeys the irish travelers but if you do get an irish irish person

call them a tinky no a tinker tinker okay yeah they get pissed off about that okay your first

pikey scumbag irish bastard traveling fucker kind of thing give me a second let me uh set up this uh

video part two here yeah i gotta make one call then i gotta go give me a second i'm setting up

the new video and then we're on the call yeah the video looks good looks way better than it ever

has is it yeah right now that the second it should well it did it did uh well when i was on it on

downstairs earlier but okay i don't know i mean it just it just looked cleaner it wasn't so choppy

like the old one video should be back in five seconds you heal a dink okay here we go who we're

doing this this is michael fisher michael michael edwards edwards yes not michael fisher all right

folks here we go pretty sure brent westwood doesn't like his fucking attitude morning yes good morning

Is this Mrs. Edwards?

It is, yes.

Yes, good morning.

This is Brent Westwood calling from Unauthorized Purchase Machines.

Do you have a moment to talk about your visa?

My visa?

Yes.

Would you like to talk to my husband, please?

Oh, yes.

Michael, yes.

Hello.

Is this Michael Edwards?

Yes, speaking.

Yes, good morning, sir.

This is Brent Westwood calling from Unauthorized Purchase Machines.

We're talking about your visa this morning.

Yes, I am.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we're looking at some purchases that were made on your visa from some places in the United States.

Were you recently making purchases in the U.S.?

No, never sold.

Well, some of these purchases were made at some rather unsatisfactory places, mostly in California at marijuana dispensaries and at pornographic movie shops.

Who are you acting for? Are you representing my bank?

Michael Edwards. Yes, I'm calling from Unauthorized Purchase Machines. We're responsible for unauthorized purchases made on the visa.

How do I know you're a legitimate company?

Huh? How do you know?

Well, because I'm calling you.

Michael Edwards, you have a visa, and you live...

Let me look at my log here.

12 Ross Lane, Cardiff, Wales.

Do you know my bank?

Well, it's the bank.

I don't know. I'm in a call center.

They just report to me, and I'm calling you.

So here's the problem is that there were...

So why hasn't my bank stopped my account then?

I'm calling you right now.

I don't understand.

I think what's probably been happening is that you've been buying dirty movies and watching them.

No, not at all.

That's what hasn't been happening?

No.

Well, we have some of the titles here of the movies. Would you like to hear them?

Not really, because I don't purchase from America, so if it is on my account, then somebody is fortunately using my account.

Oh, yes, that is very unfortunate.

Some of them here are The Spy Who Shagged Me, The Pikey Who Likes Cock.

Are you familiar with these titles?

I don't know what you're on about.

I mean, this is some of the things that are running down the list.

What company am I purchasing them from?

Let's see here. It's Big Black Pussy Pumpers.

Yeah? Okay. And where's the marijuana coming from?

uh coming from uh los angeles yeah okay so so what's the next stage now then do you want to

come and collect all these videos and everything well i mean do you have them all there not at all

no see i there shows a video link to one of this it sounds somewhat the same you better bring a

quite a large truck because you seem to be suggesting i'm purchasing an awful lot oh yeah

so that was one of the videos that it looks like uh they're showing me uh so you have a truckload

to him is that right uh no i'm not saying that i said it sounds from what you're telling me i must

have a truckload yeah that's what it sounds like i'm telling you i haven't got anything

yeah i'm not i'm not really sure what's uh uh what to tell you i mean you got a truckload of

pornography and uh it doesn't belong to you because i believe that you've actually stolen

this card have you are you pikey stolen this card from mr edwards i think he's good i'll try to call

on back maybe let me phone him back tell his washing machines on his way ken i like that

porno voice with the music planes that was a good idea yeah that was good with the music

hello hello yeah speaking hold on let me let me get my uh let me get my uh supervisor on the line

okay hello supervisor hello is that the supervisor hello there how are you doing is that mr adrids

Yeah, what is your name?

My name is Eric Johnson. How are you today? Are you okay?

I'm fine. I really don't like this phone call and I wish you'd stop it.

Yeah, I know, but we're ringing anyway.

So, I'm just looking on the thing now.

Are you going to be available for the delivery shortly?

You're in Cardiff, aren't you?

What are you on about now? What delivery?

The delivery for the pornographic material.

I thought you were from Visa.

yes we are for the visa but we're talking about the delivery of pornographic material um i'm

the supervisor it's my job to either cancel it or send it to yourself so tell me okay are you

sure you haven't done it no cancel it that's right give me give me a second hang on i just

just look this up right okay i'm pulling up a file now um hello hello hello there yeah i'm

Just looking at the file now, I've got, um...

Can you take the other noises off your line, please?

Sorry, that was just a video in the background.

You're not very professional, are you?

Sorry?

You're not very professional.

Well, we try our best.

You know, how would you rate this out of ten?

I just need to get this right, customer service, that directory.

Sorry?

Half out of ten? Is that good?

Half out of ten.

Well, that's not very good at all.

I'm not really happy.

Hang on, let me pull out a file.

Put me on to another computer.

All right, I'm just looking it up now.

I can put you on to my supervisor, Mr. Mill.

Could you put me on to your most top urgent supervisor, whoever he or she might be?

Oh, yeah, put him on the top.

They offer our transfer.

Top supervisor, put him on top.

Carlito, let's see if he's around.

Hang on, I'll just transfer you now.

Hello.

This is Mr. Carlito.

Hello.

I want to call him back.

Tongue my balls, Ken.

Seriously.

Get him some hold music.

Could they just play this?

Fuck.

Didn't put the...

It sounds...

Hello.

You're not available now.

Leave him a voicemail, Ken.

I'll play the music.

Leave a voicemail, Ken.

Music.

Did you just say Romano, Milkman?

Seriously?

Did you just say...

That's really...

Thank you.

Thank you for creeping me out.

That's what I thought he said, too.

even better was getting that fucker

on hold yeah I'll get you the supervisor

let me put you on hold and play that music

and he's just oh fuck yeah

that's their whole music

it's a porno loop that plays you know

hey man listen I'm going to

bail man you guys you guys done a good

job I'm enjoying it

thanks everybody for tuning in

and y'all done a fine job

sorry I can't stick around but uh

let's go on a trip off to the side

Well, Milkman.

El Manito, my brother.

Much love and thanks a lot for all the wonderful things you do in this world.

And all the lives you save by all the smiles that you project out to this world through this show.

We call the Madhouse.

El Manito.

Much love, man.

Peace, everybody.

Before you go, Milkman, I'll meet you on chats tomorrow.

We'll have a good chat up on Facebook, yeah?

Actually, can you get me on Skype?

Because when I'm mobile, it's best to reach me on the Skype, believe it or not,

because I get 4G connection.

Okay, I'll give you a call on Skype.

Yes, sir. Do that.

All right, enough. Let's do more porno calls. Come on. This is fun.

Bye, Milkman.

All right. I want to hear this on the replay later on, too,

so make sure you post that stream there.

Ken, find the names of those videos, Ken.

Hi, Milkman. Hi, Milkman.

man hello you're not available now they're not answering there anymore that sucks number after

the beep all right we'll keep going we got more uk numbers i think let's see what big lonesome

has got yeah nothing else i think lonesome might have gone to sleep uh but we got more numbers

here that we didn't get to yet including michael guy michael guy hey guy oh we got michael fisher

still that's still michael hang on that come on now in order there you go whole list right there

for you yeah okay this is a different guy michael fisher the guy that i tripped in elementary school

because he was crippled that's why i did it too eventually get him one no supervisor got it

hello is that michael fisher yes this is brian westwood calling from unauthorized purchase

machines uh we're calling on behalf of your visa account do you have a moment to speak about this

visa yes what's been happening is that somebody's been renting uh pornographic movies

on your visa and it's showing here some of the titles uh gangbangs of new york on golden blonde

how stella got her tube packed in diana jones and the temple poon saturday night beaver are

you familiar with any of these titles no this isn't you making these purchases it's my car

oh today oh yes oh really well that's no good well some of these purchases are coming through

through here um it looks like um let me see here let me check the address i've got a list here uh

just a moment please uh fisher at 85 c is that you yes yeah yeah yeah it looks like we have an

80 inch television uh being delivered to your address and also an 80 inch television flat

Yes, and then Blu-ray discs, American Beauty, Pulp Friction, Swallow Howl, Spankenstein,

Breastside Story, Blown in 60 Seconds.

These are some of the titles that have been rented.

When they come to my address, I live here.

Well, because you must have ordered them.

Sorry?

You must have ordered them.

I'm going to go ahead and let these charges come through.

You haven't been able to convince me that your card was really stolen?

I haven't been able to.

That's right.

What are you talking about?

I haven't been able to.

I'm pretty blessed, though.

Don't swear at me.

Don't swear at me, you bikey.

My supervisor's going to call you back.

Piss off, yet.

What?

Please let me be the supervisor.

All right, be the supervisor.

You got it.

Here you go.

Somebody's got to come on hold for the supervisor.

Here you go, Amd.

Hello?

Hello there.

Hi there.

I'm the supervisor from the visa company

My name is Eric Johnson

Looking at my records now

I've just got me referred

By one of my colleagues

About some purchases that have been

Taken on your card

Well the police will only refer you

To us anyway

So I'm just looking at it now

I'm just looking at the

Because we

We actually regulate the visa

And we're just calling you

yourself to confirm if

them verifications are correct

or not

it's a lot of videos

well blu-ray sorry

and there's actually a Betamax

video on there as well

was that what you self made as well

a Betamax tape do you remember the Betamax

I don't even know what you thought

I've 30 hours I don't know what's going on

there's no need to swear now

because I'm just the supervisor here

I'm just trying to do you a favour

because you're annoying me and will your other colleague call me a pikey oh did he oh i i what

was what was that what was his name i just had the referral yeah all right putting on an american

well unfortunately we have to hire a certain amount of american um employees um to keep the

peace with the uk in america um sometimes they are a little bit intoxicated and they come in a bit

drunk um so they can be a bit mouthy you know like i can't help it that you know i i don't make the

rules i'm just a supervisor here i'm not the owner of the company who are you my name is eric johnson

i'm eric johnson your name is what eric johnson yes and i'm the supervisor here are you calling

from the visa company basically what it is visa is in the card visa the debit card credit card etc

etc and basically you know we regulate everything and we have to run through and we found a

suspicious thing on your your card unfortunately you got through to one of our employees the

american one all right there is some kind of law i do apologize but they're allowed to drink

they allowed to get drunk and you know they they do the drink and they're out there and you know

i don't know why but it's it's a it's a nightmare but you know was it was he polite to you

was was was our American employee polite to you my card yeah that's correct I'm

looking at them now that is on there it's a TV let me tell you something I've

reported this immediately so nobody made a fucking purchase no no no no I'm

there's no need to get rude now i'm trying to help you i don't know who you are eric johnson

i'm ringing eric johnson i'm washer the washer the dress so i'm in london to the police now

oh that's fine there's no problem at all can you tell me hang on let me just update my files hang

on can you tell me where your card was stolen from i may have left a mated machine and i left

it in the day before yes 14 hang on let me just look into that hang on all

right it's coming through now um actually yes he did um oh somebody has

actually used that card um they've withdrawn 300 pound was the maximum limit of 300 pounds

um is what the maximum limit of your card and actually somebody i'm looking on the records now

Now, somebody has actually withdrawn that from the ATM that you left.

It was an ATM that you left in Cardiff, wasn't it?

Yeah.

Just looking at it now.

Bear with me a second.

Have you had any, anything else?

What branch is that now?

I'm waiting for that to come through now.

Bear with me two seconds.

Sorry, computer's a bit slow today.

Hang on.

I think it's coming up as the all four nine code.

It's a Barclays.

It's coming up.

Was that the way you left it at? Hang on. Let's just read that code. It's either Barclays or Lloyds

It's the computers. I'm sorry. The computers are so slow tonight. Hello. Hello

He's gonna this premise is working out pretty nicely so far. We got two people I got hooked

Yeah, when I heard that I died I was like, ah, this is perfect

What you need to do is get the transfer

Can you hold for my supervisor

And then you put the fucking porno music out

And let me go to town on him

Michael Guy is next here

I think Lonesome left

That sucks

Now where do we get numbers from

Someone out there confirm numbers

Right away

All you gotta do is call

The fucking

Waffle House they're open 24 hours

You're right Waffle House is 24 hours

And so is Denny's

Michael Guy

and Penarth

is that Penarth

Penarth

hello how you doing there

is this Michael Guy

is it Michael Guy

ok good

my name is Cross and I'm calling from

unauthorized purchases

machines and we got a

report on your

bank card that it's been

used for several purchases

purchases that don't seem to be natural purchases,

natural phone calls that you've been making, non-natural?

Do you know what time it is?

Well, the computer machine immediately reports if it's an urgent matter.

Have you been purchasing several pornographic movies

and registering for pornographic websites?

No, I haven't got a computer. I'm sorry.

And you haven't been buying pornographic movies on the Internet

because we've got an 80-inch television?

Look, do you go away? Do you go away?

There's a – well, it's a homosexual pornographic movie, and you – well, I was going to say that.

His last name is Guy, right?

Hang on.

Hey, Carly.

Not only is that almost gay, but gay people say Guy all the time.

Yes, go ahead, AMD.

Yes, Guy.

Yeah, my brother is just giving me a number.

It's not been confirmed, but it's just shot in the dark.

I'll put all the details on the Skype.

Good man.

Thank you.

Hello, sir?

Sir?

Well, I know you're listening there anyway, so I understand that you're gay.

Your last name is Gay.

Hey, you're probably homosexual.

Oh, man.

Long hang-up.

I was going to play the music and have Kent go to town.

Hey, call him back.

Just play the music and I'll start doing the shit.

Enter the end of the phone and see what he does.

That's what I was going to tell him that I was going to play the...

I was going to tell him I was playing the audio.

Just play the music for him.

One thing, Chris.

Yeah.

Did we fix that?

Dude, that sounds familiar.

I'm not going to answer.

Hello.

Your call cannot be...

Leave a message.

I'm going to leave a message.

Knows how we get down.

Put it in my ass, honey.

What are you saying automated pieces

What's that from Dirty Aaron

I don't recognize that

That's another Ken Kniff thing

Oh fuck yeah

He's talking to the

Give you a piece of my mind

A piece of my ass

That shit

So I read the whole thing about that

And there really is a Ken Kniff

And then Eminem and him had a beef

And he just kept imitating him

Saying gay shit with him in the ICP

Is that what happened

Yeah, with ICP, it's funny.

It was a whole thing where Eminem was making this sound.

He's like, give it back to Shaggy.

He was sucking it better.

I remember that one.

I had that album.

I know why they call you two-tone painted.

I thought he was just making fun of ICP.

I didn't know there really was a Ken Kniff.

That's really funny.

Oh, okay.

I have this number I've been wanting to call for a while.

Okay, you have a number you've been wanting to call for a while?

Yeah, I'll put it in.

I'll see if I can put it in Skype, right?

Yeah, put it in Skype.

Oh, yeah, number one.

I've got to do Simon here real quick, right?

Yeah, I'm just going to find out.

Hang on, before you ring it, right?

I'm just going to put you on to my brother, right?

No, no, no, he's not.

Tell Carlito the info on him, because I don't know him.

Hang on.

I don't want to talk to that pikey.

All right, dude.

dude. With a bit of luck, he might

be awake tonight after having a bit of a

you know, after a bit of a drinking session

and whatnot.

He is tend to be a bit of a stress head

but if you guys do

it, you know, he might

have a good reaction on that.

He might have a bit of a stress attack.

What's a stress head?

You got to speak

American English, not the Queen's English.

Well, you know.

Is he going to cuss at us?

He might do.

he might do he might he might he might go nuts you know with the better we want i got yeah hey

that all sounds good but i gotta figure out how to put it in skype international right

you know 01144 i always do i can't ever do this i don't know why i still haven't learned how to do

this yeah god damn it but uh to let let you know like you know he he is tend to like go a bit

mental on the smallest things so if you guys ring him up like obviously if me and my brother ring

ring him up you know the first thing i say is i know exactly what it is but if you guys ring him

up yeah you know look at a bit of a bit of a laugh at that like so all right no no no no well

i'm gonna call him i just gotta figure out how to dial it i get it i'll see if i can edit it in

this in the chat in the meantime i'll do you want i can do yours uh aaron did you want you said you

wanted to talk to this cat no i want you to talk to it uh what's his deal he's just mike jones

Yeah, Mike Jones.

That's it?

That's all I got, Mike Jones?

What's up with him?

Oh, what the fuck just happened?

Mike Jones!

Yeah, dude, he's a rapper that raps his phone number on his rap songs.

And, like, his phone number is still valid.

Like, there's YouTube videos of people calling him and shit.

That's not his real number anymore.

He's got a chance.

Mike Jones!

He changed it?

Mike Jones!

Yeah, someone else owns that number now.

Oh, man.

Well, let's talk to that motherfucker then.

The telephone number you have dialed.

it's temporarily not in service

that's who it belongs to

it belongs to a phone man

281-330-8004

dirty you see that link I just posted

that was the link to the

Waffle House sex scandal

so what did he do

the CEO had a

it was the housekeeper and throughout like a

nine year period he had

consensual sex with his

housekeeper

she went back and blackmailed him

him saying that uh if she didn't basically she didn't pay or he didn't pay her money he was

gonna say that she was doing some he was doing some sexual harassment shit and he was gonna she

was gonna sue him and all this shit wow well that's fucked up man and uh who would have thought

the waffle house ceo had i don't even know they had a ceo i wonder what i wonder if he's a redneck

he admits to fucking her and all this she's like but she was trying to say it was uh

sexual harassment or rape or something

like that. We didn't do that shit.

It was quid pro quo.

You can't do the quid pro quo

thing anymore. You do this

for me and I do this for you.

I'm sure that

the lady with the flapjack titties was probably

fucking him too because flapjack titties

isn't working in a Waffle House.

Hey, Christopher and AMD.

I got that number right.

Yeah, Christopher and AMD. Is that an Irish number?

It comes up as Ireland, I think

the flag is. It's UK.

It's a mobile number

I just reset it with a plus four four

Oh you did? It comes up as Romanian

Let me see with a plus four four

Here we go

Plus four four, there's too many numbers there

No, that's UK, plus four four

You might have a code in there you gotta take out

Let me see

Carlito

Plus four four

I think it's going

Hey

Simon Williams

What was it? He's a plonker

He's a muppet.

Yeah, from Caldecott.

Welcome to the Tesco mobile messaging service.

The person you're calling is unable to take your call.

No answer.

Please leave your message after the...

It must be a bike key on Tesco mobile.

I don't know what it is.

These are my brothers, apparently.

Isn't it a store up there?

Tesco's this.

Yeah, so what is it?

Like a prepaid phone or something, probably?

Yeah, dirty bastard bike keys.

You know, prepaid, you know, not contract.

No contract.

They got bad credits.

It's bad credit in the sense.

You know what I've really had fun with occasionally is the,

it's basically a deaf relay where the person is a deaf person types out

and fucking they have an operator to talk to another person on the other fucking line.

Yeah.

Relays in the message.

That is some of the funnest shit right there.

You like that stuff?

Yeah, you do?

I don't know.

It's all right.

Some of it's cool, I guess.

We actually had a guy, I'm assuming he was a black guy.

He was pretty fucking funny.

He said, I got like fucking 45 minutes.

He goes, this is some funny shit.

He's like, this bitch is fucking crazy.

I was cracking up with his input and stuff.

Hey, Big C.

Nintendo sent you some numbers on Skype.

Nintendo sent numbers?

Yeah, he did.

Hang on, let me get those.

And then I guess Brad sent in numbers.

They were going off on the chat about it for a while.

Yeah, I did those.

Were the Facebook numbers?

Those are the ones I did.

Were there other ones?

It says on AOL Instant Messenger, I think.

Yeah, I did those.

we did those uh one of them picked up it was a pretty good call nine numbers yeah brad uh we call

i don't have any more let me see oh there were some more oh shit i'm sorry brad yeah i see here

all right so a lady posted on facebook mindy mindy is her name my cell phone has been acting

kind of wonky today and if anybody needs to reach us please call our office slash home phone

uh absolutely i don't know if that's uh it's your office that office phone office phone hey guys

I've got to shoot now because it's like 7 in the morning.

Oh, I have a 7 in the morning here, but it's good as usual.

I love you all, and I will see you next week on Thursday.

I'll still be listening.

Call in again.

Take care, AMD.

See you, man.

Catch you later, guys.

I'll see you later.

Next Thursday is going to be fucking wild.

Next Thursday is going to be wild, man.

Hotels.

Get some hotel numbers.

Remember what we did before with the Billy Hookers and all that at the telemarketer conference?

Yeah, totally.

We've got to do that again.

That is perfect.

All right.

Love you all.

See you later.

See you later, man.

All right.

Tumor balls.

Cheerio.

Hookers.

Is this Mindy?

Yeah, and they hung up.

No, he hung up.

Yeah, this is Mindy.

Yep.

Hi, you're in Mindy at Young Forever Photography.

Sorry we're unable to take your call at the moment.

Young Forever Photography.

They're into some shit.

They're into some big pussy pumpers, I think.

Mindy, that name is questionable.

It's either a fat girl or a spinner.

It could be fucking 50-50, man.

What the fuck is a spinner?

What's a spinner?

Like a four foot tall girl

That weighs a hundred pounds

And you can spin her around

Four foot nine to five foot two

About a hundred and twenty poundish

That's a spinner

More like eighty eight pounds

About the size of a twelve year old boy

So a girl that I would break basically

Right basically she could sit on it

And fucking spin like a top

Nice so not midget

But just like an inch over the legal limit

For midget

Yeah dwarf limit

dwarf inch over the dwarf yeah i knew a girl like that yeah she's pretty cool she's cute

she never around the size the fucking nunu would be okay with you know almost dwarf maybe not

yeah yeah no nunu prefers the ones that look like you know young you know 14 year old uh french

boys french boys young young men they may have a six-pack blonde hair some shit like that

it wow okay french boys all right hey look guys i got this number here uh this is not not mindy

on that list but the other one is elaine mental did you want to do that brian sound like you

wanted to do yeah i'll do one and i gotta roll all right i'll do that one you got a new cell

thanks for to my big son blah blah blah text me and she answered a little bit ago so this is her

Her new cell phone, thanks to her big son, whatever that means.

All right, Big Elaine.

Big Elaine with a big son.

Just a moment.

And there could be some porno in the back of Aaron's call, inviting her over.

Oh, fuck, yeah.

Inappropriate Visa purchase machines.

I guess you don't want me to say Visa so many times, I imagine.

Visa, not a big deal.

Who cares?

Okay.

Either that or dirty, or just tell her you're a friend of her son's.

You're inviting her over, and you're watching porno in the background.

Visa's not too bad

That's alright

Who the fuck uses Visa anymore

Mastercard bitches

Fuck a Mastercard

It's the same thing

Hello

Yes hello is this Elaine

No

This is big Elaine

Hey

I'm trying to talk

She's not there

Hello

Hello can you hear me okay

There's a bunch of people talking in the background

Can you tell them to shut up

Oh what the fuck

I'll try again I'll try again

Maybe an upset boyfriend will pick up

I like that

Is her name Mindy or Elaine

Elaine

This is Elaine

Elaine Elaine

We're sorry.

The cellular customer you've dialed is away from the phone.

Sorry.

I'll try again.

Fuck off, my big son.

What the fuck?

We're sorry.

The cellular customer you've dialed is away from the phone.

That must be from Canada.

Sounds like, yeah, something like that.

Sounds like Canada, yep.

We're sorry.

All right, let me look for more numbers to see who else has sent in numbers.

Kenya number for the Hooters in Guam.

That's out of order.

I'm afraid we've lost Ernie, man.

The only thing I think of is going back to the first place he worked at.

and possibly say you're calling for a work reference,

and make sure you get all the info right and get his fucking cell.

Okay, that'd be cool.

If they know who he is, they're still, you know.

Yeah, I think that would probably be the only way we could track him down,

is call that first joint and just say you're calling as a reference,

and you want to make sure you get everything correct on his application,

get his cell and all that shit, and then bullshit them about a work history.

All right, I'll take a look.

I'll put that on my list for the week.

i'm gonna try to do that early try to reach back in time here a little bit that sucks that hooters

is closed this is didn't didn't take off probably because he was a manager there try calling zappos

hey good idea well we always have zappos but let me check request to practice to be sure before we

go back into the old zappos yeah we got petty pranks i think sent to me got a filmmaker hasn't

been successful beyond a movie called freedom park and another one called still green and another one

called boy band pretend you're an agent that is interested in him but you need to know why he

sucks so bad at making successful films this is reported to be from petty pranks for a gentleman

named john j-o-n it's like garfield's john all right i'll try it here in a second yeah john

artigo yeah sure i'm calling from a major movie studio we have a project here that we're kicking

around for a reality tv show it's supposed to start filming on monday we were wondering if

If you were interested in coming in for an interview, we're very desperate looking for someone to direct or kind of lead the helm on the video production for this reality show.

You'd probably be better to my agent because agents in New York or Boston have one there.

Yeah, but we need to kind of get you on a plane here tomorrow to just kind of discuss this in person.

Could I just, one of my producers have a jet? I mean, could that be something where I have to like actually...

Well, if you have a way of getting here yourself, what time can you get here by?

um you're talking about tomorrow yeah in new york rockefeller center well daughter my daughter gets

up around so i like to kind of be here probably not until like eight o'clock and that would be

i'd have to move a lot of things around on my schedule okay all right well it's important to

get you here as you know as as soon as possible tomorrow even if it's early evening or even late

evening if we have to yes 30 in the morning you're getting these calls out of the way right

Well, we've got a major problem where the person that we had lined up for the show dropped out due to a major issue that's going to hit the news tomorrow.

So we proactively have had to say publicly that this person is no longer on the project, and we need to get a replacement as soon as we can.

and one of the um one of the things we're looking at here was the work you did um and still green

which kind of matches some of what we're looking for here yeah um where would you be flying into

exactly i need to make sure if you're flying into new york we need you in manhattan as early as

possible tomorrow where would you be flying into well la guardia la guardia and that would be i

I mean, LaGuardia would be the closest.

I think it's just right at Washington Bridge.

We can send a car for you if you feel comfortable with that.

Well, no, that would be good.

I'm just wondering, have you all the different possibilities in New York?

Like, have you guys contacted Tim Tebow and others?

Just, you know, somebody else that can, because if you guys need it right away, you might want to get someone local.

Tim Tebow?

Yeah, doesn't he do, like, creative stuff and things like that in terms of whatnot?

Tim Tebow's kind of not talked about around here, to be honest with you.

In New York?

Yeah, well, in our organization, there's a problem with Tim Tebow in our organization, let's just say.

Okay.

Well, here's what I think.

We no longer work with Tim Tebow.

Oh, okay.

We don't associate with him.

Yeah.

I will, as long as you just do everything through my agent, I can definitely see what we can make happen.

All right, so if you give me your agent's info, I'll contact your agent tomorrow in the morning,

but can you go start clearing out your schedule yeah i definitely i definitely can i just think

the one thing is that my agent has always told me not to give his information out to people because

to make sure it's legitimate like they'll know how to get a hold of your agent and we'll just

you know you should you know look it up on imdb just contact the agent and then okay um they'll

contact me and work everything out yeah i'll get my guy on it right away okay mr westwood will get

get on it uh no problem all right fair enough but i'll be in touch with you as soon as i can

um just try to clear up your schedule a little bit because we need you as promptly as possible

tomorrow you just need to talk uh we want to get you in front of a few of the um board members

and uh some of the senior executive staff and uh you should be in okay yeah now another you'll

You'll likely need to get some vaccinations, immunizations done,

and we will have a doctor that we use here, and we'll cover that for you

because you're going to be traveling out of the country.

Please do not mention about the show, all right?

No, I don't know.

It just sounds good, and, you know, vaccinations, I love that stuff,

so I'm totally down.

Okay.

Sounds great.

Yeah, just contact my people, and we'll go from there.

We'll see you there.

Fuel up the bird

Oh my god I love the bird

Alright bye

What the fuck he knew I was fucking around with him

He doesn't even need to know

It's a need to know basis

I don't give a fuck how I am again

Yeah he either is desperate

And didn't know you were fucking around

Or did

I thought he knew when he said Tim Tebow

I was like Tim Tebow

He knows I'm

Fucking pranking him he's joking around

He's giving it back to me

But then he kind of saved it

so

you should have chimed in

and told them it was

Little Black Sambo

the movie

maybe you could be playing

a black or African American

character

just playing a black

fish character

yeah

well you see that movie

fucking Life of Pi

coming out

they say a lot of that

is based on

Little Black Sambo

is it really

oh my god

that's a lot of the shit

I've been seeing

I'm like

that is perfect

fucking timing

for what we've been doing

wow

that is

I got that

I got the book

on my list of shit to read

and I just never got to it

they were showing

the movie trailer

and it was like

this fucking indian kid after a fucking boat wreck with a fucking tiger in the boat yeah a little

black sambo yep oh my god dude we gotta call we gotta call some movie theaters and tell them that

that's racist to show that movie yeah totally it's based on little black sambo that'll be the plan

when is open holidays holiday season i think because i'm speaking of speaking of our this

friday or next friday let me check speaking of our organization that doesn't talk about tim tebow

though, it looks like you're going to get a proper stomping, Carlito.

Am I playing you?

Oh, yeah, fuck it.

Seriously, I don't even know.

I haven't fine-tuned the roster for this week yet.

Yeah, your kicker is on a bye.

Yeah, big deal.

I got a good backup kicker.

I got David Akers as my backup.

Did you see the fucking trade I offered fucking Richie?

No, what did you offer him?

I offered him, like, the shittiest players for, like, all his good players.

Like, fucking both the Mannings, fucking Victor Cruz.

Yeah, they fucking got both the Mannings.

He hasn't adjusted his fucking team since week one.

Yeah.

Hey, wait a minute.

What's up with Michael Vick?

Is he, what happened?

Is he out?

Well, I don't know.

Him and Alex Smith both got carted off.

Doubtful.

They said Vick had a major concussion.

Oh, they'll keep him.

They won't let him play.

Fucking Roethlisberger fucking has a sprained fucking shoulder and a dislocated rib.

Well, then I'm fucked.

If Vic had a concussion, the NFL rules will keep him out of this next game.

And fucking, there goes my second quarterback.

I'm going to fucking lose him.

Fuck it.

So, hey, how does the, just real quick, and I actually got to go,

but how does the playoffs work?

Like, if you're losing, like, do the players just become free agents,

or what happens?

No.

Or does everybody go into the playoffs?

Everybody goes to playoffs.

There's a loser.

In response to the last three weeks.

there's a loser's bracket there yeah the the worst of the fucking the teams will go to the

loser's bracket like i'll be in the loser's bracket i would expect i'm number one in the

whole fucking league yeah so you're you're obviously going to be seated number you'll

get the number one seat so you you'll play the whoever's the uh whoever barely makes yeah whoever

the shittiest is of those that make it to the actual playoff playoff basically me i have to

bump up within the next three weeks or yeah three weeks i'll be richie at least like one or two

places yeah i don't know what what week i gotta i'd have to look at the rules i don't know what

week the playoffs start i think aaron you don't play the shittiest you play like the eighth seed

oh yeah not that yeah you play the eight yeah whoever the shittiest of who like i said of who

makes it over to the um to the fucking uh playoffs yeah i'm trying to see if i can find out what the

team you have a winner's bracket a loser's bracket the last four go to losers the top

eight go to winners you fight it out from there this is can you see what week the uh

playoff start i can't find it uh three three weeks counting this week so yeah uh because we're in the

this be the 11th week so two more two more weeks after this we start playoffs because it does the

last uh from third week 13 on yeah it's playoffs and regular season yeah yeah so aaron you keep

your players but um like you know our our championship is done before the playoff start

basically in the real

world yeah yeah so that's

how that's how it goes man

I don't know I guess I'm going to put you down as

my favorite I think you're going to be the guy who's going to win

if I was a betting man I'd put you down

you've had the best luck this year

I still haven't watched the down of live

football

I'm going to beat Dirty Aaron one more fucking time before he goes to playoffs.

And I'm going to skeet, skeet, skeet all over his face.

Skeet.

Awesome.

On that, with the egg on my face, I've got to go.

Later, man.

See you.

All right.

Bye, Aaron.

If the playoffs started this week, Aaron would be up against Lonesome.

Yeah, if it started this week, it'd be me and you in the loser's bracket.

Yeah, yeah.

Andy would have Zyklon, Eric would have Artie,

and Mattis Fish would have that Ritter guy, Bobby Ritter.

I think that's who it is.

I'm completely fucked now because Roethlisberger went down.

He averaged me 38 points or so a fucking week.

Now I've got to put in fucking Sanchez, who gives me 22.

Last week he gave me fucking five.

Cocksucker.

At least you have a decent quarterback as a backup.

I don't have shit.

decent he gave me five fucking points we have a quarterback there's no more quarterbacks out there

i know because i got rg3 and i gotta play fucking sanchez as a backup i went hunting for a fucking

quarterback and couldn't find nothing there's nothing tim tebow does anybody pick up tim

tebow i released him he was my uh my third string uh quarterback and i released him because he

wasn't getting any it was you know he wasn't playing he wasn't getting any snaps uh that movie

movie a life of pie releases next wednesday all right cool i'm telling if you watch the trailer

it's fucking little black sambo in a movie all right i think we're out of numbers i think we're

gonna wrap it up it's 2 30 and i want to play a little bit of black ops 2 before i go to sleep

uh i played that earlier i mean my cousin went picked the game up shit played it on ps3

yeah i got it here in the machine it's in the ps3 it's it's uh ready to go it's gonna i i enjoyed

it there's a map called hijack it's a fucking like yacht boat okay oh it's fucking oh it's an

awesome fucking map love it just one yacht boat that's a huge job but that's a lot it's basically

a big it's a big yacht boat but you got fucking like uh below deck battles you got passageways

down there up top a bunch of different ways you can go oh it sounds like close quarters combat

that might be cool i'll check that out it is i've uh i've went with heavy gunner fucking like the

combo there. It's got an awesome

scope on it. It's fucking... Go with that

one. It's pretty fucking awesome. Alright, you got it.

Alright, well, I guess

that's it for the show. I want to thank everyone who tuned

in. You know, a lot of people hung in there for one

last prank call. Let me do one last prank call.

I've got to find a number here to do one last prank call

with. Let me call Nintendo Skater's

number. See if that goes anywhere.

And then we'll end the show.

Yeah, because you fuckers are in for a treat next

week. Yeah, Thanksgiving show, man.

We always have fun. Bring some

bring something to drink uh you know can't get something ready for you you want to have a drink

or something think about what it is buy yourself something you know we're gonna call toy or uh go

on toys r us's site find a bunch of shit associated with horses horses hell yeah we got there's got to

be of course just like just like last fucking year when uh you want to touch the horse and

i want to i need i wanted to use it in the parking lot for 30 minutes and bring it back

there might be something like glue on it why would you put glue on it well it's not glue

Well, what is it?

Man juice.

You're disgusting.

That was last year.

All right, here we go.

Cody Cooper being sent in by Nintendo Skater.

He's from Texas but lives in Montana.

Mother is Sandy.

Birth father is John.

That's all I know.

And my friend seeks revenge against him.

Okay.

All right.

Scary man.

Nintendo Skater.

Oakman needs this.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic...

No answer there in a Nintendo Skater machine.

Sorry, Nintendo Machine Skater.

Maybe next time.

Anyway, we're done.

Ken, see you later.

Who else is here?

Enigma.

Enigma sent you a question on Skype.

I don't know if you got a chance to answer it,

but I want to set up a landing page for the prank section and the show section.

When did you send that?

Yesterday, I think.

Let me check.

Yeah, yesterday.

Well, yeah, if it's possible.

I think it is.

I thought I could make a page, like a post, and just make that kind of what I was looking for.

But I don't know.

I want your – you probably do a lot better than me.

And also I had some reports that the countdown widget that we put up does not – how do I say?

The people who –

Keep an accurate time.

Yeah, well, like it's set to 10 p.m. for the show.

But if, like, you're in California, it looks like the show's not going to start until 1 a.m.

because of the time difference you know what i mean it's telling it's it's basing it on the

user's time instead of the the time set on the web server right yeah i'm not sure if anyone can

answer out there what it looked like if you were in the west coast was it showing a different

start time i think that i think i got that feedback i don't know i will figure it out

no problem i see your message now here yeah no worries man yeah quick question uh as far as the

a show next week on uh thanksgiving you're gonna have a time when uh the other members here whoever

can call in are you gonna do it with your uh milkman for a while or i'll probably do with

milkman for like maybe the first hour i'd say and then we'll we'll bring everybody in early and it

will go late like we're doing kind of later than tonight because last time we went you know that

was another five six hours yeah that was another five or six hour show last thanksgiving yeah so

So I'll be ready.

I'll have my energy drink here with me.

And then I'm also going to have some drinks, you know, maybe some whiskey.

I'm going to, you know, for Thanksgiving I'll stop and pick up a bottle of whiskey and I'll have that here.

Hopefully we can have Lonesome track fucking Ernie down because that was hilarious last Thanksgiving.

Yeah, we're working.

We're working.

We'll figure it out.

We'll figure something out.

Don't worry.

The arm.

Bring it on, the arm.

Come on, arm.

Do your thing.

All right.

See you later, Ken.

Ken, take it easy, man.

See ya.

All right, Enigma, take it easy, man.

Yeah, see you later.

Good show.

Yeah, thanks.

Oh, hang on.

Let me call Charlie.

You can stay on if you want, Enigma.

I'm going to call Charlie real quick.

Okay.

It's for Big Baz.

Big Baz wants us to call Charlie.

Hello.

Charlie, how you doing?

Charlie?

Charlie doesn't want to talk.

We're going to leave Charlie alone for a few months, I think, before he starts talking again.

I had to do that with him once.

All right, Enigma, now we're really done.

See you later, man.

Okay, have a good one.

See you later.

See you, bye.

And all of you, thanks for tuning in to Madhouse Live for November 15th.

It is on November 16th, but we'll be on the West Coast in just a moment, about 10 minutes.

Anyway, I want to thank everyone who sent in numbers today, including the man himself, Lonesome Loser,

all the people who sent in request of pranks, and everyone that joined us, including AMD, Dirty Air, and Big Ken.

Who else? Enigma joined me.

All that stuff.

Sorry about the technical issues with the shellcast not working correctly,

but that appears to be holding up

I definitely am going to get a new shoutcast

post because I've been having

way too many problems with this one

anyway

I promise podcasts will be updated

and we'll do the next confirmed

show for Pranksgiving

Thanksgiving night same time as usual

10pm Eastern 7pm Pacific

we'll probably go until late

I recommend you bring a drink or something

to have you know enjoy in the partaking

of alcohol embodiments

and be on the lookout

We might have a show during the day on Monday also.

That's the word on the street.

The street beat.

You never know.

Also a Monday morning show.

Look out for that.

All right.

Good night, guys.

See you later.

Bye.

Thank you.

Good.

Yeah, yeah.

It's Mr. Stewart.

You know, pop, pop music.

Pop, pop, pop music.

You want to talk to the manager?

Yes, please.

Calls (58, 2 h 12 min of 4 h 38 min)

Transcript

Comments 0