Mr Tabachi, Make it So

bach right here on a g string and we're recording good tabaj you want to give big thanks to the

bachi i'm sure he doesn't have any applause he can't play applause that sucks his show without

applause all right guys we're the crisis mode of madhouse crisis mode for madhouse what happened

here you see the reason why we're late milkman and i got a hard drive failure and one on one of

my servers well my one i have one server machine here at the main madhouse studio that handles

a lot of files a lot of madhouse stuff it handles the shoutcast also the shoutcast streaming you

know the the little thing that lets me broadcast out to you fucks and the video also that it's

handled on that machine well guess what the hard drive's failing on it milkman you said

it's bad things right man i got bad sectors bad clusters right bad clusters man equals

Equals condition purple, man.

That means immediate replacement or scrap.

Immediate.

I got, yeah, the platters are bad.

The reed head's bad, it says.

Reed head's.

It says the disc head is touching.

That contact at one point or another, that little tiny little cushion of air there.

Yeah.

Gap was breached, and it made contact with the platter,

and now you've got a bad cluster, and it's going to spread.

The tip of the head, you know.

See, what happened, Milkman was driving,

and the guy said hey reach over here i got a tip for you back here just the tip of the head and

milkman reached back and now the the the crash you know the the head the platter had crashed on

the platter and now the hard drive's gone all because milkman was curious curious i couldn't

even drive to that man i was in the hospital in contraction after that milkman has the flu

my my computer machine is crashed it's just bad we we got uh uh we have no applause tonight

Right.

Tabachi is having to connect us via some kind.

We got a satellite.

We're using a French satellite that Tabachi has access to.

We're bouncing a signal off of that off the surface of the moon and back.

Yeah.

Yeah, man.

I mean, this is some technical shit.

Anyway, we're here.

We're supposed to be able to do prank calls, I guess.

We're not going to do it for long because I can't.

I can't do it.

I'm just mad.

I'm in a bad mood.

I don't know how many people are in the chat room.

Oh, God.

done we got to pace prank numbers into the chat 124 listeners i hear okay you know i think i can

actually i think i'm actually am able to open you know what let me get my ipad there's no video

tonight also so if you're out looking for video on youtube sorry because that's handled by the

machine that's crashed don't worry milkman and i were talking we're gonna um i'm gonna

get a hard drive tomorrow hopefully a cheapy one uh to get me by uh brad's also saying he's got a

500 gig hard drive, he might be able to

loan me

perhaps. I don't know if I was just

to talk about that. I don't know if it was a secret

gift. Oops.

Never mind that.

Too late now.

Now Brad's going to get

Western Digital

Caviar hard drives for everybody.

That hard drive.

Caviar Green, Milkman. That's the hard drive

I'm going to get. It's called Caviar Green.

You know? Make sure you put on your rubber

gloves yeah i'm in the chat room now i think i'm on the ip should be on the ipad as either carlitos

or carl carlito okay good good be on the ipad yeah man get a maxi pad instead yeah can the chat

room let me know or is the audio working tabachi says yes msc3 class is not yet jill says yes

hey you stupids make make up your mind what are we are we on or not we should be on madhouse

uh which will soon be known as prank call nation and we should also be on blue planet all right

we're gonna do prank calls tonight hopefully we'll see how this goes it's not gonna be a

normal show by any stretch of the mean of the mind of the means don't get any ideas

this is lonesome here i don't even see lonesome man now let me log into the request to prank

let's see if we got any prank requests there we ain't playing games either never playing games

I never play games.

I'm always serious.

I'm a serious cat.

Tabachi, I hope you're playing music over there because I'm going to have to stop talking while I log into the show.

Yeah.

Dude, hey, you know what?

Something pissed me off.

Tabachi, you're playing music.

Stop the music.

Tabachi, stop the music.

Hey, man.

Did you hear, you know, Madhouse, you know, our email was hosted by Google Apps.

Did you know that Google came out last week and said they're going to start charging for Google Apps now?

It's not free anymore.

Yeah.

Yeah, we are grandfathered in for Madhouse.

I was going to say, we're early adopters.

They can't charge us, man.

We don't get this thing.

Here's the thing.

We've got a militia out there.

You're the guy in charge of the accounts for Madhouse and stuff,

and it's a good thing you went in there recently

and you made a lot of accounts for some people

because we're grandfathered in,

so any accounts that we created for Madhouse Live,

they can stay for free,

but any other additional ones we want to start making as of this week will

cost $5 a month.

So I don't think,

yeah.

Yeah.

And that's some bullshit.

And that's a reward for our dedicated listeners,

man.

That sucks,

dude.

Well,

thank God that we have some dedicated,

you know,

we've had some dedicated,

interested people out there.

At least we could recognize them and try and thank them somehow for their

services because,

you know,

They're really appreciated, man.

They are.

I know Tabachi has, you've got one of the Madhouse Live accounts,

so hang on to that, man, because they're not going to be,

there won't be any more.

We can move services.

We can move from here.

I can moderate to those.

I did not close all invitations.

The ones that originally had issued one, if you didn't use the account,

all you got to do is log in, because I did not delete all invitations.

so there's actually still about three or four boxes out there that are still pending man they

could you could still get in and not have to be paid for yeah but i don't know we can always move

providers you know to different and maybe i can pay might be something because even that's not

really reasonable man five bucks a month per user is pretty expensive i don't know what that's not

very competitive at all because you can get hosting get email hosting for a small business

This is domain for $20 a month and unlimited users and limited storage.

Google Voice Number.

You can still do your own voice number.

You can still use your own chat ID.

I mean, you've got a whole thing.

Yep, without Google Apps.

I don't know why they did that, man, out of nowhere, too.

The whole story, the whole line for years, oh, come on, we're going to host with Google Apps.

It's free, up to 20 users.

I do not like Play Store.

It's all about trying to get me to look at shit I'm not interested in,

the stuff that I want to look at.

I can't organize, and I cannot get rid of shit I don't want to see on there, man.

That's what I don't like about it.

So you're talking about Android now.

What are you talking about Play Store?

It's Android.

What are you talking about?

Look, man, you're confusing me.

Whatever the hell it is that you're getting on Android,

mine's called Play Store or whatever the hell it is,

like Google Play Store.

I don't like that format.

Play Boy.

boy playboy i'll tell you what listen i i'm looking here for prank calls uh tabachi turn

up the music real quick let me get some numbers give me a second tabachi turn it up tabachi

and shit he sent in a number in the united kingdom i guess it was a taxis let's see

tesco's open 24 hours a day it's it's the walmart of england milkman also known as tesco's i i met

met these people man from like pickup customers and they were from there i asked about tesco's

and they said all these is another big one over there all these are that kind of cheap ass market

guy here it's big over there man yeah yeah yeah you guys have all down in florida right

tesco's in florida all these all these arby's all these a l d i s man they're they're like a

little cheapy ass like yes yes they're they're like yeah they're like a lot all right listen

we're gonna do a prank call yeah we have we have all these here in pennsylvania too and the only

thing that's the only good thing you can get there the only thing shut up i'll call all these students

and then have them you know pretend like we're having a a conference call with the uk man the

only good thing you can get in an aldi is canned goods that's the only thing i'll trust that's

It's worth it.

And they got nuts.

Their nuts are good.

The nuts there are good.

Hey, man, they've got those foam mattresses in there now, too, dude, for like $99, man.

They're rolled up.

Oh, there you go.

You could put like three of those on top of each other.

It's like a bed.

Dude, you don't even need three of them, man.

I mean, if you do that, you're so plush and luxury, man.

You might not even be able to sleep.

It would be so exciting.

Excuse me.

Ooh.

Excuse me.

Purple power, man.

Purple power.

sour diesel power hey uh tabachi is gonna dial the number tabachi pause the music tabachi and

engage tesco's united kingdom warp 2 please make it so all these get some numbers for all these

dude fucking all these i'm going there fuck them in their cans i'll shit on the cans that doesn't

really work because people you know you get you get a little bit of shit still in the food if you

shit on the can right the part where it comes out it picks up some poopy i think come on tabachi

make it so engage we're waiting here for tabachi to engage the call all right i'll do it all right

milkman here we go warp one engage you have called is switched off please call again later oh thank

you uk godfather yay we don't have applause but i'll play it for him yay stupid yay everyone look

at uk godfather how stupid he is for not doing that all right tabachi playing music again music

Music starts now again.

Tavachi needs to become a producer, man.

Tavachi.

If he didn't look so weird, I'd let him come over here and be my audio producer.

But he's a weird guy.

He looks like he'd come over and not want to go home after the show.

That's the problem.

That's what Artie would do when he used to come over to my house in Orlando for the show.

He's like, all right, show's over.

Time to go home.

He's like, no, I want to sit here and eat sandwiches.

I'm like, fuck you, man.

How do you get the fuck out?

I'd be alone.

See, Will was good.

Will was good.

Will never stayed.

Will used to sit in the studio with me for the show.

he always used to leave pretty quick after he might have a cigarette and then leave that was

good good guy smart guy that will i wonder how well will man if you're listening what's up man

big up will well big will is that big will 420 big will 420 yeah oh man cool dude how's he been

man i'll miss him he's all right man all right cat tabachi says he would leave i know you would

tabach him he's being stupid man i'm just saying sneaky pete man that guy right there man is

trouble i'm telling you all right i'm looking for another number here on request a prank give me

just a second last i heard he's got a dog status it's a good car the best car one would say big

ken sends in a number in michigan his home state person selling a pool table as supposedly it was

one on the price is right holy shit man that's the fucking game right there milkman price is

right it's my favorite game nothing better that was a great show man i like him man i don't mind

and uh carrie what's the uh harry carrie what's his name glasses boy carrie bob drew carrie yeah

but drew carrie doesn't i don't mind him he's not too bad he's all right that's just you know he's

set man that he he got that job and and he can do that for the rest of him look bob barker did it

for so long drew carrie's got a good paycheck a fat paycheck i bet for price is right until he

retires it doesn't he doesn't he hasn't done shit you don't see him ever releasing books or

doing stand-up or in movies drew carey doesn't do anything he just prices right now man that's

what you got to do milkman man you know i'm saying that's that's the fucking job right there

the best job in the world i'll tell you what there's there's three good jobs in the world

tabachi stop playing the music if you're playing it right now please stop playing the music tabachi

hold on man my head's ringing all right okay yeah answer here here are the good jobs in the world uh

A is game show host on TV.

That's a good job.

All right.

The next one is the weatherman in the Caribbean, like a Caribbean island, the weatherman on the TV, because the weather is always the same.

It's good.

You know, that's the easy job.

And the other job that I wouldn't mind doing is being the water guy, the guy that delivers the five gallon water jugs to offices downtown all day in his truck.

That's no one fucks with the water guy, milkman.

You know what I'm saying?

everyone's got love for waterman comes hey waterman what's up man here i'll open the i'll

hold the door open for you all right man yeah yeah we need four on the first floor and we need

two and say all right no problem oh the hardest part is moving those big ass waters but you get

in shape you know and some places have elevators that helps out too i'd be happier than a

motherfucker if they had an elevator and i was delivering water you know i'd be like hell yeah

i'm taking that elevator and i gotta go up the stairs with goddamn 20 gallons of water expensive

offensive and heavy you know things that you got are made man fuck yeah man what other good jobs

are there milkman cab driver you don't like that job you hate your job you wake up every morning

crying you told me i know you don't like taxi i don't i hear you man which is stinks stinky job

is your car stink when you get it from someone else you got to share cars too right you don't

get your own cab machine you got a shit in your own car man what are you saying you got a shit in

your own car milkman hey be serious for a minute milkman have you ever had to pee in a

a taxi cab did you use a gatorade bottle or something you ever had to do that yet

have you ever had to pee really bad and you did it in the car like in a gatorade bottle or

something do you have a system for peeing in an emergency oh yeah man definitely yeah you know

you try and keep one of the customers you know around for that no come on i'm being serious

milkman have you ever been stuck and had to pee yeah you fucking find the nearest dark corner man

man. That's what's great about

Berkeley, man. There's one in every dark corner.

Yeah, they don't give you shit. You know, the

area where I used to work, it's a downtown

city.

Everybody pees everywhere

in that town.

People pee everywhere.

At least once a week, I'd see either a homeless

person peeing or some dude

coming home from the club

pissing on the side of the buildings

and the garage.

The garage, the parking garage

smelled like piss. The elevator smelled like piss.

every floor smelled like piss um the corn the the worst part the worst part in that town is when it

rains uh but it only rains like a little bit or it drizzles and it stops you know what i'm talking

about where you don't get a good soaking it just rains it gets shit wet and that's it a passing

cloud when that happens and then the sun comes out and it becomes like a piss uh piss stained

steam uh on the streets is is horrible man horrible it happens like right around lunchtime

and I'll be headed fucking by a hot dog for lunch

from the hot dog guy.

And it smells like warm piss steam everywhere

because they don't have public bathrooms in this town.

They're so fucking stupid idiots.

They don't put public bathrooms anywhere.

Nothing's open.

It has a public bathroom.

So then people got to take a piss somewhere.

That's what it is.

So, you know, if you're homeless,

you're going to pee somewhere.

You know what I mean?

There's no public bathroom setting nearby.

People got to pee, milkman.

And if you got homeless people,

they're going to pee on stuff.

All right, Tabach, start playing the music again.

I'm done talking about pee.

Thank you.

The watch is doing good.

I think it's figuring it out.

All right, so I don't know if I pasted that number in there, Tabachi,

but we got Big Ken who sent in a number for a person selling the pool table on the Price is Right.

I got way off tangent.

Started talking about Drew Carey and Price is Right.

Ended up talking about peeing on the street.

Tabachi.

There's a corner near you.

There we go.

Tabachi, engage.

Warp one.

Here we go.

The painting.

And shut the music off, Tabachi.

Don't forget.

Yes, hi.

You have a pool table?

that you're trying to give away or sell rather i'm sorry you're selling it yeah and how did you

get it you got on the prices right yeah the price is right let's have papers all papers yeah a

certificate of authenticity that was from prices right yeah the thing that they mailed us yeah

what does it say on it because it needs you should have like a number on it i want to check it

against the manifest make sure it's a genuine article well i can't get it right now i'm

actually in bed i don't know what state you live in i'm on the east coast oh i'm in yeah i'm in

berkeley so you're in bed oh are you married and stuff or i don't know yeah yeah yeah did i wake up

your wife and all that i'm sorry oh no we're fine uh if you want to give me a call tomorrow i can

go over some more of the stuff oh yeah okay were you sleeping now or were you up i'm sorry yeah

i'm actually in the a.m but i can go over more information and give you where the pool table

little shit from and everything what was your wife reading a book right now did i disturb her

no she's in bad dude oh okay you weren't like porking or anything like that right like

no oh all right that's cool so yeah what are you guys into you guys at the party

yeah he's gone he won't pick up the second time i'd be my guest don't answer there all right uh

tabachi fire up that music again would you please finger licking good all right i'm looking here

for uh another request to prank that ken sent in no name listed for this one uh person is in

california this time around so hopefully they're up still it's just before 8 p.m over there uh

she made her ad with this only wore it for three to four hours very nice shape it was 120 dollars

but on sale for 90 the size is xl so she's a big girl who meant to say what oh only wore it for

three to four hours but she claims horrid for three to four hours okay so she put something

on sale i guess what is an article of clothing is it ken let me look at the link bridesmaid dress

okay for 35 bucks a bridesmaid dress going for 35 bucks it was only worn for three to four hours

but the lady mistyped she probably doing on her phone and instead of saying only worn she said

only horrid uh that's fucking something all right well let's do that then i guess and find the

number duh i gotta paste it hopefully she answers all right tabachi mr hibachi engage yeah hi you

have a dress for sale on the internet is it still available which one is it the pinkish pinkish

looking one uh it's like purple magenta looking it says yeah it said you were whoring for three

to four hours in it oh what it says uh you only whored in it for three to four hours yeah i was

was only wearing it for my sisters i was like her bride i was like the bridesmaid so i only wore it

and it's still in my closet have you seen that because it says only whore only whore it for three

to four hours i'm sorry it says only whore like a prostitute whore oh whore are you arrested well

yeah i mean if you only whored in it for three to four hours i don't know i have you know there's a

fetish out there for that kind of thing oh my god i didn't even notice that i put it like that

or did you see that you did now i mean no i haven't been on it all right so do you have any

other your clothes that you wear on the street when you're working uh this is cross i i buy

clothes like this from whores from prostitutes you know she's running to check it now wait a

minute oh ah shit only whore it she only whores over three to four hours that's a nice episode

hey there's a whore in the bridesmaids dress she don't want to talk now she don't want to talk now

sorry guys uh tabachi music please thank you appreciate it ken sends in another number

guy selling porn on craigslist looks like a whole fucking collection of black porn

so call him race traitor and accuse him of keeping the white man down very good

all righty let me get that radio over here gotta pass that off to big tabachi over there

in the skype center tabachi laying a course please all right engage posting is now deleted

by the way for the author it's been deleted your call has been forwarded to an automatic

voice message system i think someone started calling him about the porn already

uh maybe he already sold it or he just got a lot of shit maybe some uh christian activists

were calling offering to help him uh there's the christian activists who are you know like

oh we can cure the addiction to pornography the addiction to pornography it's an addiction

addiction i guess so man milkman you've been there you are there i'm there we're all i think

everyone's every teenager has been addicted to porn come on man really even the most straight

list of christian kid uh people now never get men boys i'll get it i'll fall into that trap

especially now the internet's out milkman i when me and you were kids like the internet wasn't

prevalent i mean 1994 i was a sophomore in high school the internet didn't take off till for me

i didn't get online until 1996 the first year i was on the internet i was late for me that was

late because i worked in uh i had i took like computer programming courses in high school and

stuff and i had worked with computers before but i never got online my parents couldn't afford uh

uh aol or anything like that or whatever god what the hell was out back then

compu serve was some other ones i forgot what the older ones were the uh the big deal was

I remember when AOL went from you paid for a number of hours, you'd pay like for 100 hours for XX amount.

I remember when they became, it was like, what, $12.99 unlimited.

I remember that.

I remember the commercials all over the place on TV and people like, oh, my God, AOL is unlimited.

It was like $13 an hour.

And I remember they got hit really hard like the first week or two that they did that.

Everyone jumped on it so fast.

i remember that uh it was uh impossible to connect in most cities and there were lawsuits that were

going to have like people were threatening to sue the ladies bullshit i can't even connect

but aol came but really quick they made a lot of money back then they made a lot of money for good

uh let's see from 97 i think aol 96 95 96 they became a household name and i think they made

some pretty good scratch in 96 97 they started making bank when they ran well that's that's

that was about the time they released that unlimited internet that was everyone was amazing

oh my god before that yeah you had to be under your minutes or you'd pay out the ass you get

like 100 100 or hours i'm sorry 100 hours shit like that not anymore 100 hours man i can't imagine

i don't know i wonder how many hours online i would like right now you don't even i don't even

think about it you know what i mean like shit just stays connected phones are on wi-fi ipads

is always connected always updating podcasts you know laptops here they're always connected

checking email automatically and shit all that shit fuck that was within the last 15 years man

anyway enough of that sound like old men tonight milkman are you still there do we have to recall

you you're sure shaggy i freaking whippersnappers on the internet you got to watch them all right

So we got Sam trying to sell adult domains, including PlayDoughPussy.com,

where the men come to play and the women come for dough.

And, of course, cum is spelled C-U-M.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Sam wants $20 for PlayDoughPussy.com.

He's in L.A.

Imagine that.

Hey, I heard that's a – what do you know about the –

isn't there a porn industry law that got passed

where you got to wear condoms in the state of California?

No, you got to own in L.A. County.

L.A. County, and that's where the majority of the porn industry is.

Everybody's moving to Riverside.

The majority of the porn industry historically has been filmed out of there,

but they're just going to move.

That's retarded.

All they're going to do is move to Vegas or some shit.

No, they're not going to move that far, dude.

They're going to stay somewhere close to the Van Nuys area.

I think probably Riverside.

The porn industry is going to move into Hollywood now, Milkman.

Man, now imagine that as if it became like Hollywood famous, like Hollywood stature because

of that movie.

Hollywood.

Hey.

Yeah.

Girlfriend.

Yeah, man.

You know who's a man?

John Holmes, Milkman.

And you've got his dildo.

Let's do the next call.

Here we go.

This is Sam.

He's the best, man.

He's my hero.

Sam's here.

We're ready with Sam.

Thank you, Devachi.

Condition.

Condition purple.

Shut up.

Hey, Milkman, your old phone, HTC One X, getting a jelly bean update tonight.

Not for you, Mr. Evo.

Server status, condition.

Mr. Evo LT.

Immediately.

We are not available now.

Bullshit.

Please leave your name.

Milkman, what do you got?

Evo LT, what do you got?

You're not running jelly bean, are you?

Running ICS?

Ice cream sandwich on your phone?

Huh?

Are you running ice cream sandwich?

ICS?

Oh, yeah.

I haven't gotten jelly bean yet.

They said they were going to send it, but I ain't got that fucker yet.

Fucking Tabachi's got gingerbread, man.

He's rocking the gingerbread still, I bet.

I don't know.

My Evo is solid as fuck, dude.

Most people have.

I think last week I saw the article where they had the latest breakdown of the Android market.

And I think Gingerbread and lower is still like 40-something percent right now of Android users are on that version of it.

I think in an ICS and Jelly Bean, take up the rest.

Honeycomb is like insignificant.

Bunch of shitty tablets, got the honeycomb update.

No one gives a shit about that, Milkman.

You don't give a shit about honeycomb, right?

What would you?

I don't need that shit.

Super sugar, Chris, man.

Super sugar, Chris.

That's the next one.

When they get to ask, it's going to be straight up sugar.

Sugar.

Super Sugar Chris, man.

That's good.

I hope that's what they do when they get us to ask.

Fucking Android version sugar.

That would be sick.

I can see the ads right now.

Now you have the phones, and you'd be dropping sugar on them.

Like, have the sugar just wipe the sugar.

It doesn't have your normal pan or press-to-digitator, man.

I got a little spoon because of the thing, the sugar.

Tavachi's rocking iOS.

That's cool, man.

I got iOS on my iPad.

I know I use my iPad a lot around the house.

I got the iPad all day.

I got it taking notes.

I'm walking around listening to music while I do shit around the house.

i get on a treadmill i got the ipad there um uh listening to podcast dude i started listening to

the wtf podcast by mark maron i i finally got around to listen i was subscribed to it and i

hadn't listened to an episode i think i was subscribed to it for almost a year about nine

months someone i had heard about it through different people and i said all right let me

subscribe to this the wtf podcast show with mark maron and i i finally finally listened to an

episode yesterday cracked up andy dick was there and uh he was really andy dick was being really

funny um i i i got tired of his antics i think he's a funny guy but he's just a train wreck

of a person it's like kdk kdk is the andy dick's apparent prank calls there you go i said it kdk

is the andy dick prank calls oh my god he is andy dick milk milk and you don't know who andy dick is

he's a super effeminate uh comedian uh he's a funny guy but he's a train wreck with the drugs

and the drinking and the fucking spitting at people and the licking women's uh fucking ears

at uh comedy central roasts anyway uh hey we got a young hispanic man looking for a lady

25 and we got a page with his photo here big tabachi uh go ahead and lay in a course for

young hispanic man looking for pussy thank you sir engage posting has been deleted by the author

looks like there he got to that also i think craigslist is really big on the adult stuff

i think they come at you really fast now they're trying to get away from you sorry

but the person you called has a voicemail box that has not been probably getting shit

and the thing is the uh craigslist uh they came under a lot of pressure from the feds man

cops and feds and what happened and a lot of cops and feds were just using it to uh and trap people

not just in trap i mean they were catching people you know they were catching johns and stuff and

and pros prostitutes and stuff but they're also kind of entrapping some people sometimes

and and the craigslist thing with the adult lads and all that that's uh i mean there were

there were murders and everything right milkman there were people hooking up on there and and

and uh when they murdered there was a murderer there was a guy who he killed about three or

four people in a row i remember yeah that was shut up the horrors and shit yeah yeah then we

started doing calls on there and madhouse started taking over and then like the crimes kind of

but then uh you know we kind of got less popular on there thank goodness i don't know what's up

with the whores on it i mean is that even people don't do that anymore i think i know already has

already told me uh that's how he lost his virginity he was a craigslist craigslist whore

back in like 2008 i guess or 2009 at least i don't know if it's common knowledge now it is

i'm pretty sure it was common knowledge on the syndicate and the things that's what happened

that's how it went down uh there are others affiliated with the show that have partaken of

that i never i never would uh a i'm married b um i don't pay to have sex i pay for women to leave

when i'm done milkman you know i'm saying well somebody's gotta do the deed man uk godfather

carlito do you want us to send numbers via chat i've sent you two requests of pranks uh godfather

i'm getting to them the first one that was disconnected to the uh to the tesco's i was

all excited Tesco's and look what you did

two day FM

in Australia the company that's in trouble

for he sent them the number

I think that I don't want to do a prank call

we didn't even talk about that

the prank calls got serious

someone died because of a prank call

a really shitty prank call

to that hospital we didn't mention

the call the girl hadn't killed herself yet but

I'm sure you know what I'm talking about

the

nurse who got prank called by the

the Australian radio station when the Duchess of Cambridge was pregnant was there

and it got all over the media, the tabloids made a big joke about it,

then the nurse killed herself, the one that got duped,

into giving out information during the prank call.

I understand those two radio hosts have been fired,

a blonde woman and some fucking douchebag-looking guy

on an Australian terrestrial radio station, 2 Day 5 FM, something like that.

um the prank the prank call i was at the prank call was it was fucking shit it's too bad of all

the prank calls that we've done here i would hope no one's ever killed themselves over one i would

hope we've never done that as somebody right you think we have actually was blessed man he actually

had a holy experience a holy experience listen i don't know if we've ever for someone maybe it's

time to hang up this show man because if people are killing themselves because they got prank

prank call yeah what what can i say the whole situation it's bad for the print it's bad for

all of us fans of prank calls prank callers don't call and what will you do it's it's a bad it's a

black mark on the prank call underground scene here that we enjoy uh because it draws attention

in a negative fashion and that affects you know prank calls that aren't shitty and don't lead

people to kill themselves the damaging pranks like this one and and the stuff that prank you did

but what are they called now are they prank you now they used to be what i forget what their old

name was the breaking the toilets and the throwing the windows and the fucking that shit's funny

though man you know it's that shit i know it's bad i know those pranks that dex did in them i

know the shit is is fucking wrong i wouldn't that's not my thing like i don't do pranks like

that if you want to that's like that's some crazy shit i mean i'm not saying this is the right thing

to do but it's funny as hell i got mad respect for those kids but fuck don't do that shit man

we never do that well what we have you know we we have skirted out like what we had the one guy uh

charlie right drop his cordless phone in a tub of water i think that's the worst we've done have we

done anything worse than that that's been personal man he dropped a deuce on one on one episode

soon. Have we driven anybody crazy?

Like, I know Charlie, we've driven him

pretty crazy sometimes.

Remember Crazy Parker?

Well, no, but I'm talking prank calls that we've done that have actually

been really, like, morally bad.

I think the word...

Just accuse it, bring up the point

that he's for Republicans, and the next

thing you know, dive off the deep end

for like, you know, six months.

Yeah, I don't know. I think that's the worst.

I think there was one recently where I said

this is messed up. What we're doing here is pretty messed up.

I know there was one

There was one time I was calling a job-wanted ad, and it was an answering machine, and I hacked the answering machine, and I was able to get the messages of people who were looking for a job, and I called the one guy back about the address.

I needed an address.

That was pretty bad.

You've done some good things, though, too, man.

I mean, you had Ernie do a reunion with some of his good friends there at the horse clinic.

yeah there was a there was you know what i take that bad music off tabachi it's you know recently

there was one that wasn't on the show but it was on a it was just a conference between me who was

it was on that conference me fucking um rbcp dark stranger and uh laugh track matt yeah he was

loving it because he loves racism i just know it was one of those pizza things and i called the guy

and i said that i jerked off on the pizza something like that and that was because he was

was like i'm you know i'm calling the cops right now and i'm gonna put a lawsuit on you you know

it was really it got really heated but that was pretty fucked up to to call to call a guy he had

like he said they had eaten all the pizza and i said oh shit well guess what i was like is there

at least a little bit left for the so we can do a lab thing he's like no why and so yeah well we

had an employee here was jerking off on pizzas uh that was really messed up he got really mad i

remember we called the dominoes after that and the manager was pissed off he's like yeah you know

know we're getting involved um yeah i don't know you know i'm i don't think of i know it's on

youtube i know it's under the laugh track matt page for youtube there's there's another there's

there's this other one that i did when i was pretty drunk with laugh track matt we were calling

uh a pizza customer and for some reason i was saying that i was going to make the computer

flash that what was it white nigger i think it was gonna say white n white n you know just spelled

held out the whole way it was gonna say it on the computer whenever she ordered a pizza it was gonna

say white trash and white and white n-word and she got like real upset she was like really offended

uh that's pretty fucked up to say that because she actually didn't believe we were calling from

the pizza place and uh that's you know that's bad on them i don't know i don't know why like i get

worried like if i you know what if there's a guy who named cross and one of these places that i

fuck with you know what i mean that i call customers and they're calling back saying yeah

some guy named cross called me last night said i'm an asshole customer blah blah blah right who

cares uk godfather's here i think it's on your computer saying who's been there uk godfather

this is the girl was from his town wow man jose's calling too late jose too late jose no lonesome

loser i i hear that lonesome loser's acting weird lately he's been missing he hasn't been talking

to anybody you heard about that i don't know about that until recently i didn't know some

Some other prank callers at Employee Services were saying,

ah, he hasn't been showing up.

And I was like, he's been showing up for every Madhouse show,

but he's not around tonight.

I think he's got a lady friend out there.

I hope the quality of the show sounds good, guys.

Unfortunately, I am not doing the broadcast.

Tabach is broadcasting from his computer in his studio.

He's patching us in remotely via Skype.

He's controlling the dialing and the music tonight and the sound effects,

which I don't think there are any because I have a server that is down.

So if you're just tuning in, that's why things sound a little different tonight.

We're being relayed.

All right, let me see if we got any more requests or pranks.

Actually, we're not getting a lot of requests or pranks.

I don't think people are too interested in this relay-style show.

Now I'm going to pull a KDK and leave.

Because you guys don't send me ideas.

You're not sending me anything.

All right, we got a female with no name.

She is selling her socks, trying to draw the foot fetish crowd.

She sounds like it could go further than socks.

and she would be down.

Okay, this is in Chico, Chico, California, Milkman.

Chico.

Yeah, neighborhood.

She says, hi, I have a lot of worn socks I barely use anymore,

just trying to see if anyone is interested in old worn socks.

I know people have a sock and foot fetish, so don't be shy.

Just ask.

I'm an open-minded female, so let me know what's up.

Hey, what's up?

Hey, you hear that?

There you go, Milkman.

What size foot?

I don't know.

What size foot?

She looks like she's got a good foot.

It's now being recorded.

They look pretty small.

Read a sock.

That's critical.

Well, she says she doesn't say call.

She says text me.

She's 19 years old.

She's pretty smart for a 19 year old.

Hey, Milkman.

Yeah, man.

We need some sock sizes.

They're tabachi laying a course for the 19 year old girl selling the socks.

Milkman has questions.

Thank you, sir.

Big Shane says to check out PepperTexas.com, sign the guest book and troll it.

What?

I don't know.

People were still doing guest books online.

How freaking, speaking of AOL, everyone had a guest book.

No one ever had more than five people leaving a message on the guest book.

I never knew anybody had more than like.

You've reached the Pinger number.

We'll let the person know you called.

To get your own no monthly charge, unlimited texting and calling number, go to Pinger.com.

All I can do is hang up now.

You hear that?

Make a note of that.

Pinger.com.

I never heard of that one before.

They're giving out numbers there, eh?

Hey, look at that.

that look man put that in the put that on the big board pinger.com i'll put that up on the dbs man

i'm looking at the site it looks like these two pepper people you know there's people who are

into peppers people into peppers this is hello pepper lovers sorry but we have sold out all

pepper seasoning products at this time if you're interested in placing an order for future delivery

contact us uh so they're they guess they grow their own peppers man that's an art i like to

get into i'd also like to try making my own vinegar but i'm afraid i'll kill myself because

you can make a vinegar that has a lot of bacteria on it really bacteria in it it's uh easily

accidentally what huh is that a pickle packers no no pickle peppers this guy he's got serrano

peppers are good i like cooking with serrano hot peppers he's got those for sale hot banana

not interesting cayenne peppers boring habanero boring habanero peppers are so late 90s no one

cares about habaneros anymore the habanero craze is gone man that's why they're going out of business

that's why they don't have shit to sell all their habanero they're they're stocking up on habanero

growing habanero peppers no one gives a shit about habanero that doesn't make a new direction

yeah chipotle peppers no one gives a shit about those either chipotles you're not selling them

but that's another one people don't give a shit about chipotle it's boring shit it's old shit

you got to get with the new man you got to get those serranos are good that's a star you got to

get that ghost pepper right uh ghost chili that's the hotness right now it's the hot shit i know

there's some sauces coming out that are mixing it with cinnamon and uh dark chocolate that's

that's the new thing is the hybrids are taking the hot sauces and mixing them with some

some there's i haven't heard of one that that comes it has a tobacco tobacco note like tobacco

notes in the hot sauce and but with a bunch of other ingredients and it works out apparently

it works out great on certain types of meals that'd be interesting i don't know i used to

wear cologne that had tobacco tobacco notes in it tabachi wears tobacco notes it is uh that's

what they call them tabachi that's the name of it a matter of fact it's called tabachi that's the

name of his cologne you know our other friend jupe that was his cologne too jupe he wore jupe

his name was jupe milkman we gotta get a scent after you it'll smell like taxi ass it'll smell

like the back seat it'll smell like the driver's seat of a taxi cab you know how does your taxi

seat smell milkman find out let us know give us a report ken sends in a world only numbers are

getting her tonight are from ken uh other than uk godfathers that don't connect he's we got someone

looking for a thieving son of a bitch who stole his wire rims lysol is at it again according to

ken someone got their rims done stolen all right here we go hey what are you doing over there

cutting some carrots what's going on milkman you cutting some carrots we got a still sample yeah

open the first thing you got to buy when you move in an apartment is a new plunger the toilet hello

your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system you suck kathy that's

why you got your rim stolen bitch um back to request a prank back to the music also it's about

your music over there hasn't started yet thank you a few minutes here we're going to be moving

on to the second part of the show if we even keep going uh rbcb says he's gonna uh if i give him a

few minutes he'll get some pizza numbers all right cool yeah send him in send him in brag get some

pizza machines turn this party up a little bit 11 26 p.m we can open up for uh our conference um if

If any of you guys want to, I know Jose was wanting to try to call in earlier.

We might be ending the show a little earlier than normal tonight.

If you want to call the show.

Milkman, stop dropping stuff, man.

Come on.

Be careful.

You're going to break something, all right?

You're going to break a hip, old man.

Jesus.

Yeah?

What's up, Jose?

What?

What do you want, Jose?

What's going on?

You guys hear me now?

Yeah, I hear you.

Jose, how old are you, man?

What's your deal?

I am 19.

You're 19?

You still live with your parents, then?

Actually, I live with my grandparents.

grandparents oh that's cool what kind of car like do you guys go out together to church or anything

what do you guys do yeah what we do go out once in a while yeah that sounds fun it sounds fun

you ever got ice cream what do you do ice cream yeah do you guys does your grandparents go out

for uh yogurt frozen yogurt uh no they just go out to eat it in the buffet and that's all

oh the buffet that's cool man you go to the carniceria you ever go there you ever go there

you're not into that carnicerias wait well exactly you know what a carniceria is you know

what that is you don't have it in california ken do you have a could you ever go to a carniceria

you ever been to a carniceria ken negative no you should go it's good food man carniceria

we're making shit all over the place you don't have to take a shit for a while after eat that

food it's good food big cyclone is cyclone how do i reach you off air man because i got to talk to

you about guns uh best way to reach me is just facebook facebook oh you're on facebook or are

you yeah are you zyklon on facebook no i'll send you my uh facebook details uh off air all right

please do yeah i want to see that i mean i want to get a hold of you you got to discuss guns

uh oh what way does the gun safety go down right to shoot it's down to shoot up to lock usually

uh it's probably be easier for me to explain this to you off air in all honesty because

Because everybody else will get really, really bored.

Okay.

All right.

Yes.

Actually, I was looking for a 7-Eleven to prank that I pranked in 2010.

Speaking of Left Track, Matt, he went into that 7-Eleven, and we called him and got them to pull the Playboys off the shelf.

Oh.

And Left Track, Matt, this was right across the street from his apartment.

Okay.

They literally had pulled them.

Oh, man.

Hey, what's the prank I heard?

was that a recent prank uh on uh brad posted on the prank phone calls facebook page i don't know

if you saw this one but a prank where i think legend was at a gas station and there was a cop

there and brad called to do the weekly survey and somehow the cop got involved and the cops like

that's bullshit he started cursing out brad like the cop was cursing at him like saying you're full

of shit like you know they they don't do a weekly call what are you fucking talking about you're a

piece of shit and brad's like i'm gonna get you in trouble and the cop's like i've been on the

force for 30 years i don't give a shit you can say whatever the fuck you want my boss

as it was epic and he actually was a cop like uh legend confirmed it was a fucking sheriff's

deputy that was yeah i heard that prank oh and i posted the number for that 7-eleven in skype chat

all right cool so what happened so you went mad had these guys pulled the playboys

off of the racks and they only they don't keep those on the racks in front they keep them behind

the the counter in my experience well what we did we do is we called them up said that the

centerfold was uh underage okay oh yeah if they didn't pull it they'd be having kiddie porn i

remember this this is towards the beginning of my uh when i was on uh on uh cacti radio i think

all right cool well tabachi if you're there go ahead and dial it man did he come back i think so

Hey, Baz.

Hey, what's up, man?

I'm a little under the weather, so I probably won't say too much.

Yeah, that's fine.

I hope you're feeling better, dude.

Milkman's sick, too, and my computer's sick.

Yeah, I caught it from Milkman.

Yeah, you probably did, and Milkman caught it from the guy, the guy's tip.

Yeah.

Milkman got a tip, all right.

The tip of a ditch.

Milkman was tapping underneath the restroom stall.

The tip of Milkman's customer's dick.

I got something back here for you, he told Milkman.

That's the best ever.

Hey, Carlito.

Yo.

You know, a couple of weeks ago, we sent you a number for an Indian restaurant here in Renton,

and you called them, and then about 20 minutes later, did your cancel order.

I felt kind of bad, you know, with what happened with the Middleton call.

So my wife and I went in there to eat, and I'll just have you know we ordered an extra dish just to make up for that.

Did you really?

Man, that's pretty cool.

That's good, man.

That's good karma.

Thanks, man.

Yeah, no, no.

They're actually a really good restaurant, so I felt kind of bad.

Yeah, I remember the kid's reaction.

It was actually kind of like, hey, man, it's cool.

If you guys want to do Skype and prank call and shit, it's cool on YouTube.

But, man, that's my mom.

He's kind of being kind of nice about it, but I kind of felt for him, too.

I know.

That's cool that you actually did that, though.

Hey, man, that's real good on you, Baz.

If I could do it, I would.

I'm not up there.

Yeah, I got your back, man.

Cole, can I ask what you ordered?

Did you get the chicken biryani?

Yeah, actually, we did.

It's really good.

And if you go there on the Sundays, they have a house special biryani,

which is just incredible.

How special?

I don't know what's the difference.

I don't know what they put in it, but it's really good.

They only make it on Sundays.

They put some contraband beef in that.

They put a little gond in there, a little bhenchod.

A little bhenchod in there.

A little bit of cow jigs.

yeah yeah that's a hey that's another one of my restaurants what's that what is that place

you go to the place i do okay they're actually um just an excellent restaurant aside from the

order that the guy actually said he would make for you yeah that and they've got this uh szechuan

chili crab that is just to die for szechuan chili crab all right it's really good it's really

expensive but it's awesome looks like it would be yeah so and what is the one you said was the

the pork tripe and something.

What is it, pork entrail?

Oh, yeah, it's called beef and pork assorted miscellany.

Assorted miscellany.

So I went in there and I asked the guy, what is that?

And he goes, Chinese people only like that.

I said, well, what's in it?

And he goes, well, we take the pig and take the insides of pig and fry it up.

And I go, okay, that's right, I'll pass.

That's actually good.

good puerto ricans no yeah because we do the um we do the blood sausage and the casing is the

insides of the pig and it's filled with i don't know how they make it's like rice and something

milk may i make that i don't know how they can make more seed yeah the puerto ricans make it

and i can have like two of them and it tastes good and after that i start to get a little weird

about it or the chorizo no more seed yeah it's different chorizo is cured that's more of a spain

the chorizo is awesome chorizo is good yeah and by the way i think i talked about this last week

with evil already but uh papa john's has their uh you need to if you haven't yet it's only i think

only i feel like i'm a sponsor they're sponsoring me for only about a week or two i think they have

the five sausage uh pizza at papa john's it's awesome it's got chorizo in it it's got five

different sausages in it including chorizo it is awesome and i recommend you save some and have it

in the morning for breakfast with some eggs that's what i did i had scrambled eggs and uh chorizo

Well, a pizza that had five sausages on it, different types of sausages.

Well, you know what's in chorizo, don't you?

It's actually, I looked it up.

It's the real authentic chorizo, I think, is pork, lymph nodes, and salivary glands.

Salivary glands.

Yeah, look it up.

Yeah, actually, I was a little put off when I read that, but hey, it still tastes good.

Yeah, see, this morcilla, this blood sausage that we do,

it's black and it's thick it's kind of like a marrowy and uh it's around christmas time so this

time of year they're eating it in puerto rico they're frying it up and make and you make it i

know i know we would slaughter the pig and we do the pig roast you know you do that you get the pig

and you do the lechon asado outside it was really good but before they didn't they didn't waste the

insides they would they would clean the fucking intestines and it smelled like pig shit it was

nasty the process is nasty it's like four or five or six different women are around and they're

They're cleaning pig intestines.

The pig shit out of the intestines.

They get them really clean, and they hang the intestines.

And then they make this other thing with blood.

I think it's like the blood from the pig, and they mix it with some spices and white rice.

And then you stuff that into the encasings, the insides.

Yeah, the stomach.

Yeah, that stuff.

And the intestines.

And that's the blood.

And then you fry that afterwards.

Yeah, as far as I know.

It's called el buche.

and buche is that what you get is that what you guys call it you guys probably make it too you

call it something else yeah we we eat most of the same stuff so we call stuff different you're

mexican right i'm not trying to be an asshole you're mexican all right jose yeah all right

that's cool so you say carajo a lot and it's a curse word in puerto rico but you guys say it

left and right all the time it's just a saying like you you don't get in trouble really in

mexico if you say carajo you say in puerto rico it's like you're saying like god damn it like

like really loud like you can't you can't do it what's the meaning in mexico like compared to

puerto rico like oh shucks i think oh okay yeah and in puerto rico's like god damn it you know

what i mean that's it it goes up in severity you know uh but mexicans just throw it all they want

yeah there's another in south america uh bichos a bicho is uh is an insect and then uh in puerto

puerto rico bicho means a cock and i was thinking it was just like bad spanish for bitch no no no

no it means it means cock and if you think about it's like saying like your inset your bug

basically that's your dick so you're saying like someone's little little uh asian looking dick

that's his bicho like charlie's dick kind of yeah like he's got you know he's got little uh

tiny bicho more see you you just say that it's ever when we were talking about the

Charlie being in a porno

Charlie in a porno, you imagine

Oh, fuck you

And he says, chinga tamale

When he comes

Yeah, when he does the money shot, chinga tamale

Did you guys see the

Hangover 2? No, man

I still, you know, and the

Hangover 3 is coming out, I heard, I heard that's in

Production right now, yeah

I kind of have this mental image of Charlie as being that

Asian dude in the first Hangover movie

Yeah, yeah

I know he comes back in a second

yeah that guy yeah he was it didn't were they all hanging out in the second one i know i haven't

seen it but i heard they were all like they were all home yeah leslie chow is his name yeah he's

a funny dude i've seen him on letterman and uh and conan and i've uh he did a commercial with

dwight howard the tv commercial is really funny where he's playing at a piano and he's he's in

that character though from the movie and he's singing a song called fast don't lie it's it's

out there youtubing fast don't lie dwight howard and you'll see what i'm talking about guy's funny

he's a funny guy really funny guy uh i just the scene where he he just pops out and he's got that

the little bird in the nest you know kind of look to him the big bush milkman's into that big bush

all right listen we got a number here i don't know who this is i'm gonna see if i can dial a number

this way no tabachi's doing it instead oh shit is it that condom number condo number i

the show sounds good you know it was sounding

good earlier hello yeah hello yes hi let's make an order who is speaking this is cross

i want to speak oh i want to make an order which order oh i don't know what do you have

for what i'll be honest i forgot who i was calling so what's up you got the party

hello hello yeah how you doing yes i'll be honest with you i forgot who i was calling so

what are you guys doing what's up who are you oh this is big cross big cross cross yeah mr cross

welcome mr cross how are you good thank you my ancestors were in the great crusades they killed

many arabs and muslims what my uh my ancestors yeah they were in the great crusades in palestine

and they killed many Muslims in the Holy Land many years ago.

Yeah, I'm just letting you know I know my lineage.

I traced it on lineage.com.

Hey, can I make an order?

What?

Can I make an order?

Order? Yeah, I have order.

All right.

What do you got down?

What's your number one special?

I don't know what's special, but I have...

Yeah, what do you got?

Yeah, I have order.

What do you have?

Can you give me the most popular thing?

What's good?

I'll order it.

I told you, I forgot who it was calling.

I don't know what's good.

I don't know.

Who's all good?

The specialist number one.

You can come in here.

We can see you.

Oh, yeah.

But what's I mean, what's good?

I just want to know what's good that you have there.

I have everything is good.

Everything is.

Can I get like one of the best one?

Like, what do you like the most?

It's something.

Just tell me something.

Just tell me.

Kind of give me an idea what it is, man.

Come on.

I don't know.

Who are we calling?

Who was I calling?

calling i think they're saying called charlie yeah but who the fuck was like calling there i

have no idea on stupid callings okay so guys guys i read this article in the internet that

there was a murder pop a plot for justin bieber what they were going to castrate and murder pop

singer justin bieber what country was he going to be in where was this going to happen in new york

in mid-November.

What?

Are you serious?

Yep.

They were going to cast Justin Bieber?

Yep.

Holy shit.

I'm just going to have to look at that.

There's something in there right now.

Okay.

Wow.

I wonder if it was a Taliban-level stuff, man.

That's some shit.

Keep me abreast of that, man.

Justin Bieber, huh?

Justin Bieber murder castration plotted.

Police say a New Mexico individual.

It's true.

I saw that.

They showed that last night on the news, man.

The news last night.

Seriously? I didn't know about that.

New Mexico inmate, ex-comment, probation, his nephew are under investigation.

Plotting to castrate and murder pop singer Justin Bieber.

They were plotting.

That's weird.

That's how, you know, that's what happened with John Lennon, you know?

they gave that guy the injection that guy got the injection that they give crazy people and they

take control of them and they tell them hey justin bieber justin bieber go kill justin bieber you

know they'll be this guy he was saying apparently he was he was on a quest of notoriety and his

infatuation with justin bieber according to the new mexico state police affidavit that's what

caused him to do this so he was a massive insane justin bieber fan and then he turned into someone

who wanted to kill him same and that's that's what happened to the guy who was a massive fan

of batman and then he went he wanted to become fucking bane and kill the people in that tragedy

in the movie theater all you know that's they they take these uh because they they do it's

a fucking government man so they can fucking do shit they can fucking militarize they want to

militarize the the police force man they want to military police in the united states they just

just about got it that shooting that they just had in oregon up there in the mall uh there was

a picture that came out that um that showed the police that showed up that were patrolling were

in full fucking uh uh military gear they had the digital jackets the digital camo and everything

man and the only thing that they didn't have like their helmets were uh a tan color straight

drab tan instead of the digital camo that they use in the military that was the only there and

And then it had patches on.

The whole dress was U.S. military.

Yeah, they came out of police cars, and they were talking on the police channels.

They were cops.

But they were fucking militarized.

That was fucking nuts.

Well, yeah, what's up, gun nut?

Yeah.

Well, a lot of the reason they've gone to that is what happened with the North Hollywood shootout

when they had the two guys, Buddy Armour and AKs, that were shooting it out with the cops.

97, right?

I remember this.

Yeah, that's the reason for a lot of that shit.

That's another.

That and Columbine and all the active shooter crap that's been going on.

That Columbine thing, too.

That's another problem.

Fucking Columbine.

Listen, we got a...

That shooting in Oregon was an accident, says Shane.

Okay, I hear you.

It was manipulation.

Nuna reminding us to say Pagal to Indians.

Pagal.

What's that made like?

I assume it's some swear word.

No, I think it's the lowest, like the untouchables on the caste system.

They were the people that cleaned the toilets and all that stuff.

in uh india during all the gals bonchudes uh well you know not necessarily

gandhus they're all gays yep yep say step aside pagal i'm a brahman

i'm a brahman what was that that new voice they had the effeminate guy that just

bill bill bill bollocks bill bollocks um bill actually speaking of bill bollocks let's call

holiday at ugandan embassy bill bollocks and larry the red and larry are gay and want to move to

uganda uganda yeah that's that's something you know we gotta mess with uganda more hey with

sp we gotta do more prank calls it lonesome charlie lonesome loser never showed up never

showed up lonesome loser i don't i don't know what's up with that i hope he's lonesome loser

i hope he's okay maybe it's not lonesome anymore i don't think he is i think he's got a nice girl

and you know it's it's hard to what would you do if you're a lonesome loser and you're like all

right i can sit around and confirm numbers for prank callers every night or i can get my dick

wet i hear you man i'm awful dude go go get that man we we can hold it down for here from here

until you're ready to come back you'll come back too because women are snakes you know you end up

getting married and bored and you'll be like me uh in a separate room all the time separate beds

and everything uh we're calling you're calling charlie charlie can i talk to him yeah sure

zyklon why not charlie shall we call charlie sell or the dew drop first let's call the dew drop first

okay why don't you do that because i had one that involved the q5 well maybe he'll pick he's never

there anymore man i think he's cheating on the lady i think he's out getting his dick wet too

yeah hi i wanted to make an order okay go ahead sir yeah i wanted to get something to get my dick

what do you think what's the best thing there appetizer you like it or soup or fish or chicken

beef what do women like what what gets women wet down there you know get a woman wet excited

for coitus what would you recommend do you have oysters i thought she wasn't gonna know any of

that stuff she is she's pretty good with the english eh yeah she's book smart she's like a

slave that they taught to read you better watch out find out about her all right they'll take

Take her out, U.S. government.

Feds will take her out.

That crazy drug.

This one can read.

We'll give it to Charlie.

Charlie will take her out.

We'll give Charlie the injection.

Ask him about the injection.

There you go.

There's something for you to work with.

Whatever you're going to do, Zyklon, it better be good, all right?

Hopefully it will be.

I think I can really get him mad.

No racist joke, ha ha.

No.

Those are for U.K. calls.

That's Zyklon's fucking bread and butter.

we need to show you uh laugh track matt who else is hello charlie hey i saw your audi out to the

parking lot it looked like crap so i took a big shit on it oh he's gone he is

oh man charlie was sitting there i've heard this one before we got last week i don't want to play

anymore well last week yeah i think his son got to him his son talked to me last week he gave me

shit his son told me not to call his dad anymore last week if i remember correctly he can't keep

his dad all to himself what the fuck is he thinking yep i swear if i do go to hollywood

i'm gonna go to the dewdrop pad and then on a thursday that way you guys prank call him there

you go there you go seriously see charlie isn't there he's out he's in his audi i don't know

what's up with him man he's a player he's never at work anymore we used to call him he's always

there he was cooking and shit you hear him in the kitchen fucking yelling banging on pots and

shit back in the kitchen back where they don't clean the fucking uh cooking surfaces that's

where he was man now he's always in his car he's driving around and shit all the time we talked

to me wasn't he in a casino last time last week he was in a casino he went outside to go get yelled

at by us go ahead now who asked a question i'm sorry go ahead baz what now dog that wasn't me

oh i was gonna ask who's the one that always bagged all the pots and pans in the phone i think

that was his wife but it was the people of the dewdrop do that they also put it next to a radio

that they have that plays uh like relaxing asian music like asian spa music the kind when you get

an asian massage or they play we with the happy ending yeah we we need to call the uh turkish

kitchen too we fucking let them slide for a couple weeks now they screen their calls well

it's been a while it's been a couple weeks we should try the second location because i've got

two spots well we got their house too now so i mean we could always fire off that all right

here's the turkish kitchen sometimes i take this one i'll do that yeah yes hi can i make a order

please one second yes okay i'll get your order okay i wanted to pick it up no for delivery for

pickup is that okay yep okay now you have that chicken right yes we have chicken uh but which

is the one that my friend was telling me about can you tell me which can i ask you what's chicken

and is it is that you have he said like chips of chicken on the stick and barbecue and also we have

chicken doner like a shaved meat oh like a shaved yeah like a shawarma almost kind of shawarma yeah

we call doner for that oh yeah okay yeah i would like that please chicken doner platter yes okay

and then you also have soslu patlikan let's say eggplant patlikan the you mean the meat one or

the vegetarian one the vegetarian one the imam okay imam bayildi imam bayildi yeah just one

second time we have dinner chicken dinner plate yeah okay okay okay what else that's all honey

baby sorry that's all your name my name is a adrian adrian gonzalez

okay and chicken dinner and eggplant vegetarian about five minutes about five minutes yep all

All right.

I'll be there.

Thank you.

All right.

Bye.

That was a fast one, right?

All right.

So we'll call back and cancel.

I think it's surprising they picked Doug.

Yeah.

I think they're off their game because they know we haven't been slacking.

I do this on purpose.

I'll hold back.

I'll hold back from Charlie for a while, call him back.

He's a little more fired up.

Talk to his son, shit like that.

If we leave Charlie alone for a week or two, he builds up his energy, his anger, his evil, his hate, his midichlorians build up.

And that's what we're looking for.

I'm going to build up some of those angry midichlorians that he's got.

Just let them ferment a bit.

Now, Bess, did you send in a kebab place back in the day that was really angry at me for some reason?

No, that was MST3 Clay that sent that one in.

Okay, that was a good one.

I confused you two.

I don't know.

You guys, for some reason, are similar to me just in the numbers you send.

And I confused you two.

Stuff that one does and the other does.

I don't know.

I said you won a, oh, this was probably about four years ago.

It was Pabla Indian Cuisine.

And that was one of the first Indian calls where the guy just went ballistic.

I don't know if you remember that one.

No, I don't.

It's really old.

It's like four or five years old.

I should call that guy again.

I could get that number.

Yeah, if you got it, get it, post it in the chat, and we'll call it.

Hey, Tabachi, I think I'm able to dial now.

So all you got to do is keep relaying.

Tabachi isn't talking.

talking but i i got the thing i got the dialing figured out from here just put a smiley face in

the chat that's a good sign that's a good sign i'm firing off some more request of pranks for

you too msc three places wasn't a ham about that kebab man so we gotta find these kebabs

holy shit oh i know who it was who i think it was brandon vegas i think probably i haven't seen him

in a while all right let me check out request of pranks what we got here ken did you send any

other ones that i haven't gotten to i think i've been getting them all i've sent about five

I have more sense of them.

All right.

Brad's got his pranks, his pizza requests.

We let him sit for too long.

By the way, the show sounds perfect, according to Brad.

That's a good sign.

Can't tell that we're being relayed.

Completely normal.

Also hoarse.

Thank you, Brad.

And that's good on Tabachi.

Tabachi, great job, Tabachi.

I was really disconcerted.

I was like, of all the people out there, I know I can trust Tabachi.

He's got some decent setup as far as equipment and streaming.

And I say, hey, Tabachi, I need to get relayed, basically.

This is what's up.

So I was just like, hell yeah, all right, cool, let's do it.

I have a question.

And if it wasn't that, real quick,

if it wasn't for that the server is down as it is,

I would have sent them the audio, like our normal intro and background music.

It would have sounded like a normal show, 100%,

but I couldn't get to those files because that server's out.

Yeah, so go ahead, Zyklon, I'm sorry.

Why doesn't Tabachi have a gold star yet for that?

I don't have the gold stars.

That's on the machine that's down.

Tabachi would have to open it and then give himself a gold star.

and yeah that's that's a lot of work you know but here you will give them gold stars next week

everyone remind me to give tabachi a gold star next week uh steamshark is here uh we haven't

talked to steamshark i haven't called steamshark in like almost a year they don't really cooperate

very much anymore they're used to calls from roy new mexico yeah actually as a matter of fact

yeah they got sky blocked i forgot about that yeah that's true totally forgot about that i'm

I'm going to call the Turkish kitchen back in about 10 more minutes and cancel the order with Faizan and see how she takes that.

How about the new wave oven?

Yeah, we actually have one.

Actually, no, we got to do these pizza pranks.

Never mind.

Duh.

Oh, did you see the Reddit thread about the weirdest things on your job?

It included the phone loser prank from the guy at the pizza place.

No, it was a Reddit thread.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

The guy mentioned that they were looking into the whole thing, right?

I was wondering.

I don't think that was one of mine.

No, it was one of RBCP's.

Yeah, it was one of Brad's.

Yeah, that's what I gathered from it.

I was like, hmm.

But that sounded funny.

They were trying to track it down.

They're working on it.

Oh, man.

Should put a tracer on that.

Tracer's coming.

You think a tracer can stop me?

All right, Mike will order from Pizza Hut.

The butterfly floats in the breeze of the sunlit day.

Waiting on the call to go through.

It was high in protein, though.

Nope.

Thank you for choosing what?

No.

Can you just give me a minute, sorry?

About how long?

because i'm going to keep track of it just one minute okay just one minute so from like if i

started now within how many seconds that's like 60 seconds yes all right so i'll wait like a minute

and then you're going to come back and then i'll tell you that i want to order a pizza uh uh two

large pan pizzas with pepperoni and extra cheese and light sauce when you get back i'll i'll tell

you that and then you'll give me the total for delivery well you said you needed a minute so

So I'm going to...

No, that's okay.

Go ahead.

I started a minute.

We're going to wait now a minute because I'm relaxing now.

Okay?

We got about 20 seconds left.

All right.

I'm ready.

I'll give you some time.

Hello?

Now you're wasting my time.

Hello?

Now you're wasting my time.

Do you want it for pickup or delivery?

For both.

Is it delivery or pickup?

Well, both.

I mean, which one do you offer?

Both.

I offer both.

But I'm asking, do you want it for delivery or pickup?

Oh, well, I can pick it up.

but that's because i don't like you know is it a woman or a man that comes out yeah you are but

the person that's going to come to the house is a man or a woman no it's a guy oh well see that's

i'll get nervous because a man could come in and you know try to he'd you know look around and see

if what kind of tv i have and things like that did you want it for pick up then well yeah i mean

that's safer i think right is it a good neighborhood that you're in we are located on uh west seven

and like by downtown kind of kind of so it's a bad area then right that's a bad area it is

oh so i probably want to go there at night do you have glass and stuff are you behind the glass or

no no oh safe is it clean yes can i sit on the floor and eat like that and it would be all right

would you eat off the floor oh my god sir did you want to place an order i have another line

on the hall so i can oh i can hold you want to help them and i'll i'll be here okay well you

You're going to come back?

It's really too bad you don't have your stuff going

so the white devil can make an appearance.

Pepperoni.

I think I can.

No, I can.

That I can do.

There you go.

Start asking for pepperoni.

Garlic sauce.

French fries.

Hello.

Hello, hello, hello.

I'm trying to call Marissa.

Yeah, I don't know how we ended up with the Pizza Hut.

I'll just call her back.

I don't want to hear that shit in the background.

I don't know how we ended up with Pizza Hut

because I was trying to call one of the customers

and it ended up being Pizza Hut.

I think Brad confused his number of machines.

I got a nap here for free chickens.

Free shiggins?

Yeah, free shiggins.

What did you get, Curly?

Don't check the request for it.

I sent one for some homemade anal beads.

Post of free chickens.

Jose, I'm going to check that out

because I want to do something with the chickens.

I already did.

Oh, I got it now.

Black chickens.

Oh, that's my favorite.

You're calling for me.

All right, so there.

The first of Brad's pizza customers.

customers let's call the free chickens real quick free chickens all right man i wonder why they're

free this must be an emergency someone's getting uh kicked out of the house and they have chickens

you can do a lot with chickens man you can eat eggs chickens right you can get chicken uh chicken

breasts you get fried chicken chicken sandwich chicken biryani yeah chicken fried rice feathers

town please record i'm gonna try calling back don't you worry i want to get my chicken at the

town please what an asshole with the chickens not answering the phone chickens are serious

don't mess around with chickens guys um what else we got going on any numbers that i need to know

about ken baz you sent anything uh yeah and request a prank i have i think there's one for

a guy just trying to sell homemade anal beads i don't think i trust a homemade anal bead man

that thing gets loose up in the way if it's the last one the last one they can go up up into the

intestines man who bursts an appendix with that we also you also send someone selling a bidet

i've never used a bidet i'm sure milkman likes it though milkman bidet hey bidet huh he's not

even here fucking guy let's go hello is that really you or is your stupid voicemail oh there

you are it sounded like your voicemail for a second since you got the one in your voice the

voicemail milkman milkman bidet you ever try one we got one for sale we got a bidet for sale you

ever had one? No, man.

I think it would be a good option for

a rascal scooter, man. We ought to look into that.

You never had a bidet in the ass?

Mm-mm.

It's like a water fountain for your asshole

after you take a shit.

It is basically.

You can use it to wash the homemade anal beads.

You can drink water out of it, too.

Yes, hi. You had the bidet?

Yes.

Has this thing been used before

or is it installed already?

Where are you?

You can't breathe the insulation shit. Yeah. Hi, how are you big guy?

I understand you have a bidet machine. All right, and has it been used before?

Oh, that's good when no one buy them when no one bought them are they cheap

Oh, yeah hot and cold

$55 for hot and cold. All right, and then so yeah, how far up does it go up in the ass?

the water oh wait never mind uh wait how much how far does it go up in your ass oh i got the

oh okay so the cold water is 59 and then the hot ones are 99 how far does the hot one how far does

the water go up your asshole how far does it go up it's a water pressure so you could control

how much like well what's the farthest up my asshole my ass i can put it how far yeah how

How far can you put it up in the ass?

What's the point of hurting them?

What?

It works by water pressure.

You can control how far it goes.

Right.

Can I put a shower head on it, you think?

No, that's not a good idea.

It's not going to work.

There's no adapter.

All right.

Okay, that's good.

And then how much water is the hole?

Connect it to your sink.

Uh-huh.

You put a hose in your sink, and you put the hose in your asshole,

and you turn it on?

Is that the bidet?

No.

No, if that works, like, you first connect a hose to your sink.

And then the hose, you connect it in your asshole, and you turn it on?

Oh, yeah, when you turn it on, the hose won't actually touch it.

Like, it will shoot out water, which will clean.

Yeah, but then where does the water go?

On the floor, all the shit and piss and ass water everywhere?

Using it on the toilet.

It's, like, attached to a toilet.

So when you're sitting down in a clinic or something.

So then you turn on the water, and it comes out of your asshole?

It comes out through the toilet?

The toilet water comes out?

Toilet water is a sink water.

But it's in a toilet.

But it's attached to the toilet.

Like, it's not...

So then I'm going to shit and piss in the sink from now on,

and then when I'm done, then I'll sit on the toilet,

and then the toilet water will come up in my asshole and clean it?

It's not a toilet water.

It's a sink water.

And then when you're taking a crap...

That goes in the sink.

You're obviously doing it on the toilet.

On the sink?

So I'm going to go in the sink now?

No, you're going on the toilet.

Okay.

All right, then where do I pee?

Do I pee in the shower then, or the sink, or still in the toilet?

Hello?

Please.

Please, I'm interested in his hose.

I'm totally confused about how this works.

I'm expecting a no answer, but we'll try again.

Dirty Aaron has joined us.

No answer there.

We have to cancel our order here with the Turkish horse.

We're late.

Yeah, we're late for our order, which is good.

That's good that we're late for it, because they're probably listening.

When's that guy coming for his order?

order. I'm sure Faison's gonna be happy about this. What was my name? Adrian Peterson? Adrian

Gonzales. Yeah, hi, this is Adrian. I had the order for the chicken. Oh yeah, I'm gonna cancel

that. Yeah, but I'm gonna cancel that, I think. I don't think it's gonna work out. I know you could

just put it in the back or something. Yeah, just leave it in the microwave. Well, you can eat it

it later for you know whoever else wants it i i can't i don't i don't think i don't like turkish

food i've never had it before so i don't think i'm gonna so why did you call and order it i was

curious at first i was adventurous but then i was afraid that you know they have it was taste bad or

bad for me you know is it good what did you say i don't understand what you're saying no i because

i don't i don't really like turkish food or turkish people and i've never why did you call

and order why you if you don't like turkish people why are you ordering i was like trying to think

maybe be nice to experience it but then i started thinking about it and like if my mom knew she'd

be really pissed off because i'm greek you know she'd get upset i was just curious okay don't

come here again okay and because there's people either because animal high ones there you know

and i didn't you're the high one that's right you're stupid animal you're the bullshit animal

whatever that's because animals make the food again okay

that was good at the end hold on let me let me call back and try to order for uh malacca

i don't know they might know what malacca is because they've been called let's try it

she's hanging up she's staying in straight up

i shit on your team oh you're i couldn't believe that fucking seattle defense fucking four

interceptions four formal recoveries two touchdowns are you fucking kidding me did better than the

offense yeah that's seattle man what's up with that right dude they got up for their top 10

defense but the lions beat them yeah that does suck how did the falcons lose to carolina

because kim dude had a fucking monster game god man no cam no kim dude i mean that kim

dude monster game is why i figured lost to lonesome yeah yeah man is is lonesome paying

is he active at all for i'm up against him and it's he's projected to win by five yeah

oh i'm just saying he's not around tonight i don't know what's up with oh boy yeah he's

He's probably sweating the fucking...

The beating he's going to get from you.

Yeah, go ahead.

I just posted a number in Skype for these condos.

Let's call them up and just wake old people up.

All right, let's do it. Condo time.

so did

did you get to hear the whole uh westwood show the drunk carlos show uh no i still want to hear

the pranks i saw your posting of it but i haven't uh i haven't listened to it yeah how bad was it

I listened to the whole thing.

I was cracking up.

Fucking Carlos.

I want a titty fucking bitch.

Just letting you guys know.

And I was like, oh, my God.

Just out of the door.

I want a titty fucking bitch.

It's fucking dirty air.

It's in there.

Yeah, we had such and such with me.

And Carlito's dead.

And I was like, I'm fucking busted.

You could hear when he fell out of his fucking chair.

Yeah, when he ran into the bathroom to throw up.

Yeah, and I just sit straight up and let everything fall where it may.

you know headphones yanked off of my head and i was like oh shit yeah it's time to blow

calls in there the one that we called that i got another idea for was uh we called a personal

number that one of the guys sent me but it was strictly platonic but i went at it like it was

you know like a hookup you know so and the lady was super interested i was like yeah i'm responding

to the personal ad she's like oh hold on let me let me turn down the tv and she's like what

did somebody respond to the ad and then i was like yeah i want a titty buck and she's like oh

uh uh threatened with a nine millimeter by her husband

yeah this i'm gonna tomorrow i'm gonna download that tonight i'll go i'll go to you put in the

forums right that's where i saw the link it's in the forums but there's another um there's another

another place where you can get it from the android because whatever uh enigma did like

Like, you can't really access it from an Android phone.

All right.

No, well, I'll download it to my machine, and I'll push it through Dropbox or something.

I'll find a way.

I'll get it.

I'm going to do that.

I'll make sure I go to that site right now, and I'm going to bookmark it, and it'll open up in the morning.

It kind of cracked me up.

Like, I think it was last week's show when I think Carlito was talking to some guy.

And you're like, oh, me and my wife want to fuck.

And then you're like, right, Ken?

And he's like, wait a minute, Ken?

And I'm like, is this guy we're going to fuck?

And he's like, oh, shit, and he fucking sucks it up.

And I missed it.

That's awesome.

Hey, Aaron.

Go.

Good show, by the way.

I listened to your podcast on my way to work today.

Enjoyed it very much.

Yeah, right on, Baz.

Where should I get the podcast for it?

I posted it in the forum.

It's just a link.

It's not really a podcast.

It's just you can download it to your machine, and then I don't know.

Hey, you know, Aaron, if you want to have a podcast feed going,

and i had told you last week you could uh get with me or an upload them to madhouse or whatever

i guess i can set you up with a login so you can just all you do is you'll set it with your tag

you know with a dirty aaron tag or whatever you want right brent westwood show tag and it'll create

like its own little feed of just your stuff so every episode that you make and you upload you

post yeah the problem i'm having is that my editing of my shows and we're still i gotta get

get with you before the 22nd which is the next show okay and uh and fix the audio i think i'm

gonna have to just um i'm just gonna have to uninstall that encoder and everything and just

start from scratch again okay because it's not not keeping the settings or whatever it's not

keeping the settings and so i can't record the stream all i can record is skype and then i i'm

i'm shit adding editing it that was the one thing that was pretty horrible was the uh stereo you

you got one side and the other that was pretty fucking yeah and that's the other thing i don't

know how to make it mono do i set that up in skype or what i don't know why it's doing that

that's got to be something with your sound card settings because i don't know how you're doing

it exactly i think were you running a mic aren't you running a mic from something to another what

are how well no the reason the reason is that uh if i want to play any music or if i want to

you know like anything like that i have to run it out of my speakers into my internal mic

Okay, and that's because we couldn't figure out how to get your stereo mix working right.

That's right, because the stereo mix, when I set stereo mix on the encoder, Skype wouldn't work.

Shit.

I don't know why.

Hey, Carlito, I have a request that Dirty Aaron call us a guy about the homemade anal beads.

All right, that's right.

I was in the process of getting that.

Thank you for keeping me on track.

Request a Prank has that for us here.

We just did the bidet.

Now we're going to do the homemade anal beads.

beads nunu is inquiring uh but we're changing that now to brent westwood drew is the name of

the guy handmade anal beads they're one of a kind made from 100 blown glass oh i used to have a i

had a glass blowing friend that made me a dildo a dildo yeah that's good yeah that's a good gift

that's cool man and blast anal beads one man one jar oh god oh man thank you all right that'd be

be good for a prank hello this is brent and i'm calling about the beads you make them just you

are you the anal beads guy i wonder if somebody posted that as a fucking joke on him or something

now he's good now he's got a bunch of people calling about anal beads

probably about the 20th call he's gotten tonight i've heard of a practical joke of like this ex

girlfriend played on on this dude you know posting it like i i'll pay you know a thousand dollars to

get my floors done or get my roof

done or something like that and you had contractors

and Mexicans calling him fucking left

and right. We did that too

with like the

free shit for helping him move.

Oh, Igri is the addicts.

Oh yeah, that's right.

I remember one that Carlito did

way back in the day where he was offering big

screen TVs but he needed a guy to help him

rip off the big screens from

the fucking, where the LA Lakers

played. The Staples Center.

isn't that how we got the

asiatics to call in the first place

no that was a different thing that was

I was being kicked out of my apartment I needed

help moving right and then you were

trying to you were like

you were going to take but then there was the same

show you were going to take pictures of

the people like gaymovers.com

or something like that well that was

when the first two people were like I was trying

to be gay and they're all like yeah that's cool man

I'm gay and all that's right the woman's like yeah

we're swingers no problem yeah and then the

The other guy's like, yeah, I'd get down like that, but

look, man, I want to make some money first.

Yeah.

I think that was the same one

where I told a lady I wanted to take pictures

of her laying down on the bed or

something.

You did something about, like,

I don't remember if the guy was Mexican, but you told

him a bunch of blacks, like, beat your girlfriend or

wife up, and the guy was getting all

pissed on the line also.

No, that was, the Asiatic

guy was like, oh, yeah, I'd fuck

someone up for doing that, you know, if I was there.

I would have defended your girl.

You know what he said?

Isn't that what it was?

And then he ended up saying he would never touch a white girl anyway.

Like, even with the 10-foot dildo, he wouldn't touch a white girl.

Hey, fuck that.

I'll come in with a John Holmes squad.

Yeah.

That sounds familiar.

Let's call them.

Do you hear everyone's getting down on RG3 now?

Because he's getting ready to marry a white bitch.

So they're all like, oh, fuck that motherfucker.

RG3's getting married, man.

He's way too young.

He's way too young to be getting married, man.

RG3's getting married to a white girl?

Oh, to a white girl? That's even better.

Did he hurt his knee?

He's questionable

for Sunday.

I still have him in as of right now.

Alright, I was wondering, I don't know if he was inactive yet

or if he was still questionable.

They're saying game day decision.

That sucks.

Which if he goes down, I gotta fucking play Sanchez.

I was about to say, yeah, Ken, your track record

with Corvax this year is horrible.

Well, no, it's been alright, but

I might not even play Sanchez.

I might put a fucking extra wide receiver

we're in. Is it time to call

the UK yet? I don't have any

UK numbers. There's no Lonesome Loser.

Let's call the Angry Asiatics. That's what I'm

doing. Oh, yeah? Waiting for the

Kinect here.

We're going to fight in the back of a cave.

Do we have a mulatto?

I could tell racist jokes.

We're going to fight in the back of the cave, but

Milkman gets the fuck of John Holmes' dildo

to defend himself. Yeah, that's right.

Zyklon, those are always funny when you tell racist

jokes. Oh, the call's all fucked up.

up yeah i was about to say what the fuck was that it sounded like it was underwater it was

ringing and everything but it sounded bad oh what the hell so last uh on saturday i was actually

out visiting the npsa cobra and we did some calls with tristan over the over the weekend yeah and uh

oh man i don't know where the messages are we called this guy he was selling some boots his

name is gay jimmy i'm trying to find the number then we were calling the weird yeah it's the

guy we convinced him uh tristan and i convinced that we were coming over there for a shag

and he's like, okay, I'm getting in the shower

and we never show up.

Aaron, so you're doing

your final show

on when the fucking world's supposed to end?

Oh, the day after.

It's the end of the world show.

We're going to celebrate that we're all

still here.

Well, it'll be Friday

so we'll have like a December 28th

end of the world madhouse.

Should do a 24 hour madhouse.

That'd be a good day to do it.

I got a delivery for Jessica Smith

the pizza number is a Brad sent

let me call sign on the loose

fucking guest host is Charlie

it's a delivery sure

who's taking it

Jose

can't stop coughing

alright we got Quar

Quar wanted to do a pickup

Q-U-A-R is the name

they're bitching in the chat to call

RBCP's pizza numbers

he said there's 15 he sent to you

We're freaking calling them, I thought.

That's what I'm freaking doing right now.

Oh, Dirty Aaron put the gay Jimmy number.

All right, I got it.

Let me try Quar real quick.

Who's taking it?

Who's that?

I heard Dirty Aaron's taking it.

Yeah, I'm on the ring.

Hello?

Yes, sir.

Hi, this is Cross.

I'm calling from Pizza Hut.

You got your order?

Pardon?

You got your order?

I'm calling from Pizza Hut.

Pizza Hut?

Pizza Hut.

Pardon?

I'm calling from Pizza Hut.

The pizza?

Yes, did you pick up pizza?

You ordered a pizza.

Oh, come on. Come get pizza.

Come on, you ordered pizza.

Is this Quar?

Quar, Quar.

Yeah, you ordered pizza.

Why you don't come pick up pizza?

Why?

Oh, where you at?

I'm at the pizza place.

Why you so stupid?

Now, where are you at?

Huh?

Asshole?

What?

You're an asshole.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

Did you order a pizza?

Yeah, we already picked up the pizza.

What are you talking about?

Well, you got the wrong pizza, and you didn't leave a tip.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I'm gone.

Who is this?

Wait, I'm the Pizza Hut owner.

Okay, what is his name?

You didn't leave a tip for the pizza.

Oh, yeah?

You didn't leave a tip.

Why are you not leaving a tip?

You come into my store, and you don't even say hello.

You don't even say hi.

Hi, you throw the money at the cashier, at the cash register.

You throw the money, and you don't leave tip.

Okay.

Bitch is still recording.

Yeah, you're a bad customer.

Oh, yeah?

Fuck you.

Don't come back here, asshole.

Fuck you.

I'm putting it in the computer.

You're an asshole.

Piece of shit.

You fuck you.

You motherfucker.

How many fathers?

You have 15 fathers, and they're all with your mother.

Yeah, sir.

We got your credit card, too.

Son of a bitch.

You're the bitch.

You're a big bitch.

You're the big bitch.

Alright so enjoy your pizza though

Have a good time eating the pizza and all that

I hope you have a good pizza

And a good pizza experience

That's fucking Charlie's son right there

Was he Muslim or Asian?

I don't know

He's not Asian

Carlito call him back

And then throw on the white devil voice

Pick up your pizza motherfucker

Motherfucker.

Tell him you're going to have to charge a nuisance fee.

Pizza.

Are you going to come pick up the second pizza

or do you just want to stay with your first one?

Hello?

Do you want another pizza for free?

I gave you a free pizza.

Another free pizza.

Oh, yeah?

What's my guess?

No, you have to come to the Pizza Hut.

We don't do delivery.

No, what's our guess?

Pizza Hut.

Which Pizza Hut?

Reno.

virgin del monte virginia del monte plaza virginia del monte plaza yeah you know the one

you know pizza hut you come and you order pizza you come pick up pizza and you give money and

you throw it and you don't even say hello you come to my restaurant you don't say hi you're

not nice so we have special pizza from you come get pizza for you there's a good special pizza

Pizza for you.

Okay, hold on just a second.

Okay, okay.

I'm going to fucking hug up on you.

Pizza.

Hold on, let me talk to him.

Special pizza for you.

Just tell him we got special pizza for you.

Okay.

Your call has been forwarded to an on-

Ah.

Oh, damn it.

He doesn't want to play anymore.

We got Jackson Acock.

Call me Jimmy.

Jackson Acock.

That was a delivery.

Yeah, Jose should be our delivery kid.

Special delivery.

Jose sounds like a delivery kid.

He does.

He does. He's in California.

Yeah, Holmes.

Yo, I dropped my Civic B.

Yo, I saw some weed on the side.

He's got a code.

I'll get you some fucking beer if you want to, man.

This is another... What's this pizza?

Same place, same place.

Oh, can I talk?

No, Jose's got it.

Oh, okay.

Is it slow?

Hello?

Yeah, Holmes, what's up?

You ordered a pizza from Pizza Hut?

Yes.

Yeah, man, I'm...

Hey, can you turn off your TV?

Yeah, hold on.

Yeah? Okay, thank you.

Yeah, I'm your delivery boy,

and right now I'm

bringing you a special offer with your pizza.

A dime...

You know what a dime is, right?

Like a... Marijuana dime?

A dime bag.

He's gone.

What the fuck is a marijuana dime?

You sound like a cop.

Yeah, like a cop.

Hey, there we have that bag.

In just a school year, Jose, the proper line is

will you turn your fucking TV down?

Don't be nice about it.

be nice about it turn the fucking shit down shut your fucking dogs up yeah stuff like that

i come in i'm trying to act professional if i sell in a dime bag of marijuana when you say

you sound like a cop you ever see trading day or what was it where the guy the the undercover guys

you know the rookie he's trying to fucking get the point yeah oh he goes the snoop dog is like

hey can i buy something he's like we want to buy dog he's like yeah buy some cocaine and he's like

Like, nigga, I look like a sucker to you, cocaine.

And he, like, runs off.

Like, you know, just like, oh, can I want to buy some marijuana, please?

Can I please buy some marijuana cigarettes?

Hey, whatever.

I need.

How many marijuana cigarettes can I get out of this?

All right.

This is Bill Hennessy.

I got this.

Hernese.

All right.

You got this.

And Zyklon's got the mask because he gets all upset.

He's pouting right now.

Yo.

Hello?

Voicemail.

Yo.

Hello?

Jesus.

I think that's the voicemail.

All right.

I put the list of who we're calling there.

uh quar we already called as you remember jessica smith is next uh we're gonna let brent try this

one again and then uh zyklon's on deck zyklon has down someone's peeing where's the location

oh shit we don't know about it i'll place that too here all right we'll cancel this you have

reached the voicemail box of seven of nothing all right another thing from brent's show is

fucking cracking me up it's how you call the red robin have you ever heard of a puerto rican named

Jim, you're fucking holding us back

from the beginning.

That's because, what is it, the Jim Beam

burger is free? It's free, yeah.

If your name is Jim.

What about Jaime? You just started fucking

rambling off a bunch of names and shit.

What if you live with Jim M?

Is this Dirty's

or mine?

Go ahead, Zyklon.

Hi, this is Ray. Nice to meet you, Paul.

I'll be back.

Fuck you, Ray.

you should let you should let zyklon tell some racist jokes on rick's fucking voice

no i was going to say i'll save those for uk calls oh wait we don't have any

yeah zyklon and i fact map make great show i need one more racist person

dad gets kind of racist death box maybe yeah there you go that's a good power team right there

yeah would zyklon be on the bottom of the power team i don't know man

Hi, is this Rick Herring?

Who?

Dearly.

Who are you looking for?

The pizza.

This is Dearly.

Who's this?

This is Larry from Pizza Hut.

Pizza Hut?

Yes.

From where?

Pizza Hut.

Yeah, can I help you?

How's your pizza taste?

Oh, we are eating now.

Unfortunately, I have to make a confession.

After your pizza was cooked, it looked so good that I masturbated into it.

what was that i masturbated into the pizza it looks so good i couldn't help myself oh you are

gross on a christmas christmas season i'm sorry this looks so good would you like to talk to my

supervisor yeah hey cross it's that lady you made me apologize too yeah listen we caught this guy he

he dropped the pizza on the floor that you're eating right there i'm sorry i found i just found

not right now i was looking at the tapes and she's gone you masturbated on the pizza she was

telling everyone right now to drop the fucking pizza she was filipino for sure yeah i'm gonna

call him back all right the delivery well this was a pickup i think oh yeah it's pickup yeah

there's always a mexican no you're the cook you made the pizza man as your mexican there you go

you clean the dishes tell her that tell you clean the dishes and it's true

I'm going to put you in the Reno Gazette Journal, sir.

Yeah, hello, ma'am?

I'm going to put you in the Reno Gazette Journal.

I am going to put you in the fake pizza hut.

I'm going to put you in the Reno Gazette Journal.

Hey, hey, Dalmatia, please calm down.

I'm just asking that I make the pizza.

What the fuck did she say?

I think she's going to put us in a newspaper.

Oh, in the next...

Hey, I'd love to read about that.

I'd like the Sunday paper.

i seriously was about to start losing it since i passed it off i was like

the reno what the fuck is it called like i looked that up now it's like a reno gazette

by uh tomorrow might be breaking news woman receives call about her pizza masturbated into

all these people are calling back that fucking pizza hut like you motherfucker

Well, let's call the pizza.

Let's call the pizza and ask if they've had

gotten calls from people

like... Tell them, oh, we're calling

the wrong people.

Sorry.

We've been getting prank calls.

Is Tina again? Yeah, no, this is Tina

for the first time. Tina. Oh.

I got this. Alright. Hello?

Hello, yes, is Tina there? This is her.

Hi, Tina. This is

Brent calling from the pizza.

Calling from where? The pizza.

Uh-huh. Did you

Have you received your pizza yet?

Yes, we got it like an hour ago.

Oh, okay.

Well, we're just calling because we had an issue with an employee.

We're just calling to make sure how your pizza was.

It tasted okay.

Yeah, it tasted fine.

Okay.

Because we had an employee who was defecating in the bathroom,

and then he wasn't washing his hands when he'd come back to work,

and he had diarrhea and stuff like that.

We're just making sure that none of that got on the pizza.

Okay, I didn't see anything like that on the pizza.

Oh, okay, so it didn't taste like shit and piss on the pizza?

It didn't.

Well, that's pretty good.

So that's one employee we're having trouble with.

We had another employee who we just hired and had to let go tonight

who apparently has a pizza fetish.

He likes to make love to the pizzas, if you know what I'm saying.

Okay, uh-huh.

So you didn't find any extra cream on your pizza, did you?

No.

Okay, so there was no semen and no shit and no piss on your pizza?

No, didn't see any of that.

How do you know?

I don't know.

You didn't taste it?

I didn't.

We're sure that it was on there, so...

That's why everybody wanted it.

Well, I mean, if you're down like that, maybe I'd like to take you out if you, you know...

Oh, yeah.

I'm sorry I didn't hear that.

Maybe I'd like to take you out on a date if you're down with the shit and the piss and the...

Yes.

I'm sorry.

I'm Satan.

and i'm listening to this conversation it pleases me continue she didn't seem not worried about the

shit and the piss of the scene she heard satan that was the deal breaker right there oh no

i can't believe how calm she was it's like no no shit no piss no calm yeah uh gurka pro says

my brother been listening to you guys from the country you may not even have heard of nepal

Tell them jerkers are badass

You think that pizza was

fucking filled with mozzarella cheese

bitch

That wasn't ricotta cheese

we were using this time

It's not a new

compound

It's our new three cheese blood

Ricotta, mozzarella, and semen

Pizza bukkake

Alright, James Reynolds

Let's try not to do the semen

thing anymore, because it's

going to really freak out the

place we're going.

Just tell him you dropped his pizza or something.

It's got a bunch of dirt all over it.

Who's taking this one? No, let me do this one.

Okay.

You have reached Sprint Voicemail. Nope.

Then we get the last one, Christopher.

We'll try this one also. Call him Chrissy or some

shit. Tell him that's a cute name.

Hey, you've reached

Christopher. Leave a message. Nope.

I like how he gave you permission

to go ahead and leave a message. That's nice.

because usually i don't know what the fuck to do when that happens uh if if my name was christopher

instead of calling myself chris for short i will call myself christ for sure and what the fuck are

people gonna do what it's spelled like that in there yeah that's awesome i would i've told me

so my name is christ just to see what people say what is it like all those people that call

themselves jesus and then they go to america it's like jesus what the fuck jesus jesus yeah no not

How the fuck are you going to deport Jesus?

What the fuck is going on?

Hold on. Remember what we were talking about?

Gay Jimmy.

Oh, gay Jimmy.

He's Asian gay from Hawaii.

You're going to fucking call Nunu's boyfriend?

He's going to get pissed. He's going to get jealous.

I'm talking to him.

I'm scrolling through the chat trying to find him.

He just posted it at the bottom.

Posted it again? There we go.

Who's taking it?

I'll take it.

All right, go ahead.

I've got a number for afterwards.

Hello.

Hey, Jimmy.

Yeah.

Yes, I'm calling about sex.

About what?

About sex with you.

Do you want to?

I have, I'm a very small man.

I weigh 125 kilograms.

Right now, I cannot do nothing.

No, not tonight.

Are you on your period?

What about tomorrow?

Maybe.

Maybe this weekend?

Yeah.

Are you top or bottom?

Depends.

Depends?

Yeah.

Yeah?

I'm thinking that I want to get together with you.

When can we go?

When can we go at it?

Right now, I cannot.

No?

No.

What about you?

Tell me about you.

Are you cut?

No.

Are you at dinner with your mom?

You can't talk?

Right now, I cannot talk.

Oh, you can't talk dirty to me right now?

Okay, see you later.

Okay, fucker.

Still on.

Jimmy?

Oh, fuck yeah, Jimmy.

Did he say, wait a minute, or what's going on?

I don't know.

I think he's talking.

you have reached the voicemail box of a oh okay well no answer there the second time that number

that's the uganda high commission of london the uganda high commission of london gay travel to

Uganda, alright? Yes. Where's the number?

I don't see it. Oh, there it is.

There's an extra friggin' plus that was.

You stupid. Alright, I got it.

Yes, there it is. It's at the bottom of Skype

now. Fixed? Nice. Yes, it's fixed.

Properly formatted. You got two

ones in there. I don't think that's right.

It should be plus 144, right?

For UK? Oh, yeah.

Plus 44. Plus one

is UK. Oh, you don't need the one for...

Okay, there. That should work then.

That looks almost right. Because it's a

UK number. There we go. I think this works.

you've reached the uganda high commission the office is now closed

at 9 30 a.m to 5 30 p.m britannia ah wankers britannia rolls the waves all right apparently

ugandas don't like people calling them at 5 a.m no no assholes they don't like bum drillers

calling them either that's what they put on the newspaper there they call people bum drillers like

Like, bum driller outed.

What did you say, David?

If you Google Uganda bum driller newspaper, you'll see the articles that call people bum drillers.

That's the code.

It's really stupid.

I'm going to see if they've got a number real fast.

What?

Have they got a number?

Yeah.

See if we can find the number for them.

Oh, go for it.

The bum drillers, too, we can find.

We got a request here to call and accuse them of building UFO storage facilities.

A company named SRMG.

What is SRMG?

in arizona salt river materials group saudi research and marketing group maybe also huh i

don't know if i want to mess with them those saudis man they're they got ties they got connects

saudi arabians they're not the ones to fuck with and i don't want to fuck with or be fucked they

don't play games like milkman shit goes down and they're getting private flights out of the country

just because they're saudis from the house of saud okay uh uh i think i'm gonna think

What I'm going to do, I'm going to pick up these hard drives.

I'm going to purchase them tonight on BestBuy.com and pick them up.

I'm going to have to pay more for what they are, but this way I don't have to wait because the weekend's coming up.

Because if I go buy it on Amazon or Newegg, I'm not going to get it until Monday or Tuesday, and I can't wait that long to fix the server machine.

Here's what I'm getting.

I'm getting an internal 2 terabyte.

It's a Western Digital Caviar Green.

It's going for $109.99, 2-terabyte WD,

and then I'm getting a 3-terabyte external USB 3.0 hard drive.

I had a Western Digital crash in my fucking tower after like 13 months.

I'm so pissed.

Yeah, well, the one that's going bad now is a Western Digital,

but it is, I think it's a good, it was long in a tooth.

It had five or six years.

The reason I got talked into it is because the guy that built it for me,

And he's like, well, you know, that Mac that you got has a Western Digital.

I was like, oh, fuck, it can't be that bad.

But they're not all created the same, obviously.

You bitch.

My 10-year-old fucking Dell is still kicking.

Oh, yeah.

Actually, I need to take that tower and make it into my podcasting machine or whatever.

That's what you got to do, yeah.

You got to frankenstein it up and get some parts.

That's what I'm talking about, man.

You know what you need to do there, Carlito?

when you do a 24-hour madhouse

is have Charlie fucking co-host it.

Charlie?

I wasn't supposed to get that.

I posted a number

for a milk bar.

That's what they call 7-Elevens

in Australia.

We called this guy on Saturday night

and he got really fucking pissed.

Okay, let's call him the milk bar.

That just reminds me of that.

Was I on Saturday night?

No. It was just me interested in the cobra.

Milk bar? That's at the Clockwork Orange

milk bar.

yeah i guess i'm gonna feed old dirty some numbers there on his next show i've never seen that movie

man it looks like a 2001 space odyssey but gay hello hi there this is the milk bar yeah oh that's

nice and what do you have there exactly do you have chocolates no oh what do they have there

and then you don't have chocolates at all no i just immediately go out like that what and marijuana

You have shark spray

Shark spray do you have shark spray

No

Do you sell Facebook on paper

Hello

Ask for some Vegemite

I'd say call him back and start calling him sweetie

And see how he fucking reacts

You guys take this I'm gonna go

How you doing

Hello Milk Bar

I know you can hear me I'm visiting from the United States

My mom told me to call you

Hello

this guy's on his knees sucking some dick right now he doesn't even know he answered the phone

hey stupid it sounds like it sounds like he's getting something done over there

he's getting it with no lube you can definitely hear some fucking uh grindy going on no vaseline

man a bum driller if i could play music i'd be playing that song right now nice cube oh by the

way that bum drawer newspaper is out of circulation otherwise i would have gotten the number for it

is it out of circulation now yes they literally got shut down the high court of uganda was like

no no more outing gays because they were killing fucking gays in the streets that were coming out

of this newspaper that's what i'm saying that's why we're invited called the ugandan embassy saying

hey we're gay we want to travel over there well what i saw they were saying that for a while i

guess it was the most popular newspaper in uganda like it sold the most copy i think it might have

been free it might have been a free like a penny it was it was being paid for by fucking christian

groups in the united states were uh they were sending aid to uganda christian fucking aid to

build or we build churches and foster uh christian religion in africa and it was going to shit like

that like to finance the newspaper that outed gays so they could get murdered in the streets

by the people from marlito here's the thing though is that it had the highest circulation

in Uganda? A four.

A four?

A four.

That's a hell of a paper.

Baz had to bow out. He said, see y'all next

week. See ya, Baz. You're listening.

I'm not hearing you, but that's

cool. Bye, Baz. Good talking to

Big Baz. Big Baby Baz.

Alright. Time is it?

One o'clock. It is one o'clock.

One o'clock my time. Not bad.

We'll see what else.

We got more numbers. You guys are putting more numbers it looks like

here tristan uh well that was the milk bar we just did here from i might have more in request

to break i'm not sure uh is that why it's making it so what happened i missed that part what

happened to bachi making it so yeah well the the best thing is uh i noticed that skype is running

a lot smoother and he was explaining what he was doing on his end yeah well see that's i set up my

lot like it's a long i don't want to get into it i i was me i don't know if what happened was i if

If I fuck something up with my server, I don't know.

Because I redid my laptop that handles my Skype.

I re-imaged that completely.

It's nice and streamlined, and I did it to try to get the Skype improved for the show.

And then the server died the next, well, two days later.

I don't know what the fuck.

Yeah, well, we end up getting, I don't know, was it about three or four people on there at a time?

It just starts getting distorted and all that bullshit.

Yeah, well, the one I'm running Skype on is an older laptop.

It's quite long in the tooth.

that's uh yeah it's i gotta replace that machine also fuck then again by the way unemployed yeah

by the way i love my turtle beaches they're awesome okay good speaking of being unemployed

why haven't we called your fucking former co-workers yet oh yes we did a bunch of dev

all that i can't throw that bridge yet i gotta i gotta get a job first because they can i need

i need the reference still that's why i need the reference once i'm done with the reference and

and then I'm good. I got something on the horizon

I'm looking at. Nice, cushy job.

Easy job.

I don't want to talk about it because I don't want to jinx it.

We may have to call fucking Zappos tonight, too.

Ah, yes, let's call Zappos.

I got some good jokes.

Welcome to BT Answer 1571.

No answer. That was...

You would figure

Zappos, after so many

months of getting that same fucking joke

on a Thursday night, they would fucking

change it at some point?

Well, people quit after like 20 days, you know?

No, it's the fucking call center.

What the fuck was his name?

Tyler.

It might be Tyler.

Tyler.

Fuck, let's call him.

I think they change it once, just once a week.

Once every day.

Right.

Same joke every Thursday.

It rotates over a week, but you would figure after so long, they would change it.

I'm just going to go through the Skype contacts.

I'm getting to that one, but let me do Blood of Jesus, lady.

See if she answers.

Okay, can I tell her a joke?

Yeah, sure.

Did we ever get the Asiatics, or what happened there?

No answer.

I'll try again now.

welcome to bt on the person that's a little jesus angry lady uh let's try the angry asiatics again

here the well the phone was messed up when we tried to call him it was sounding really weird

there we have that oh do you have that 722927 lady because those asiatics have that fucking

obamacare welfare phone yep track phone did we ever figure out their name this number again

this is harassment this is not harassment it is i choose not to talk to you with my phone

don't why what the fuck who the fuck actually i am who the hell are you uh identify yourself

someone has a new number somebody else has been calling him

dude that was like the most white guy i was like expecting some black guy like yo

that's going that's going on the fucking intro right there yeah that is but um that that sucks

and now we don't have any contact with that guy anymore never learned his name or nothing yeah

didn't he have like a white girlfriend

or white woman or something to answer

a couple times well yeah cause remember

I think the last time we talked to him he was

trying to get his friend on the line but then

he started just talking to us and he

had a white girl in the background yeah she

answered a couple times and we're like

do we get the right number and she was

answered yeah yeah but that was an old

that was an old lady this time

that was an old white lady

that was like a really effeminate guy

I don't know that was

fucking tyler's at it again i will explain a lot zappos zappos it is all right that's good zappos

zappos i don't have saved i should save zappos shit i can search for it real quick it's it's

gotta check when you run out of numbers you could just go back to zappos they're a fucking

honey hole right there yeah they're a bunch of oh you could call uh the the fucking waffle house

all the waffle houses on the east coast are open 24 hours there you go yeah i hop on 995

I remember when Carlito called a fucking Waffle House and called that one girl a fucking flapjack titties or something like that.

No, no, my titties are nice.

My titties are nice.

Yeah, let's call it a friggin' Waffle House.

And here's Zappos.

You said Zappos.

I was working on Zappos.

Yeah, we'll have to go back.

Well, we got to check the fucking joke of the day and then get a rep on the line.

Yes.

Thank you for allowing us to put a little Zappos in your day.

I'm Perry, and I'm a member of the ZCLT scheduling team.

To better assist you with your shopping needs, please press 1 for new orders.

General question.

Let's get some dirty SKUs.

Thank you for holding.

For quality assurance, this call may be monitored or recorded.

That's an awesome evening at Zappos.

This is Rick.

How may I help you?

Hey, Rick.

This is Larry.

I just called you all about five minutes ago, heard the joke of the day, and it absolutely sucked.

I'm completely offended by how lame that joke was, and I got some better ones for you.

Like, take this one, for instance.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

What's that?

Their last hit was the wall.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

Here's another one.

What would you call the Flintstones if they were black?

Niggers.

Negros.

Here's another one.

These two antennae got married.

The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great.

That one's not bad either.

Here's another one.

If that one's related, I can help you with.

Yes, we're giving you better jokes for the joke of the day.

Better jokes for the joke.

Actually, you know what?

I actually have an email that you can send those to if you'd like to.

Sure, send us an email.

Hey, buddy.

I have a skew I'd like you to look up for me.

Okay.

It's 774-1002.

All right, let me take a look.

I'm trying to order a sleeping bag, but I need to know what brand it comes up as.

is this is the big angus horse thief that's fantastic is that made out of real horse what's

that is that made out of real horse uh no it's not what the fuck would you fucking put it up as

a big angus horse thief it's not made out of horse sir sir um is there anything really dapples

related i can help you with hold on i got one hold up i got one question are you looking at

the picture right now i am doesn't it look like a giant giant penis maybe it'll be on a horse

you know what sir if if you're not calling to place an order or anything if you want to uh

i was i was trying to i was trying to order a sleeping bag but this kind of looks like a big

black horse penis okay i understand and i'm i'm going to have to disconnect this call

y'all have a great night just just disconnected the horse penis hey ken was that your james

masturbate the horse what was that i don't know but oh the last joke i was gonna do is this one

is uh what's the difference between hitler and michael phelps uh michael phelps finished a race

wow that's fucked up i'm gonna call zappers again i figured i was gonna save the worst one for last

okay you need to find the skew for like the big like double xl panties and shit like that

and fucking start i got one stranger is the one that found them all let me open up i got i found

Honestly, just go to Zappos and check out the XXXL panties.

You'll find them.

Oh, yeah, Zappos is so great.

I already got one in front of me right now.

I just listened to that show, Big X.

I got another one edited, man, and it's fucking on the server.

Fucking shit.

I got one ready to go.

It's on the server.

Shit.

Let me do this one.

I'll start it.

Thank you for calling Zappos.

This is Fabian.

How may I assist you?

Hey, I wanted to ask a question about this item I'm looking at a picture of right now.

Absolutely.

Who am I speaking with, first of all?

This is Bill Cross.

Bill, how's your evening going so far?

Oh, I'm more relaxed now that I saw this.

Wonderful.

Can I get the SKU number, please?

804-4814.

All right, and you are looking at the hanky-panky princess lace panty.

Yeah, did you see that?

I am seeing.

Which color would you like?

you know the black the black one's hot uh look look at that let's see if you're gonna you see

where you can change the the pictures you see the one where she's got her legs crossed right there

uh yes yeah i just jacked off that picture it was really good man that's good stuff all right

i was i just want you that's hot right you think she's hot she's got a nice ass she's got a picture

she shows her ass you see that one it looks really good you got your nice curves and her

her legs and everything and don't you just want to stick your head like between her legs and it's

like motorboat is really nice looking phil would you uh like to purchase uh this item well uh what

about the girl who is that she has pretty fingers and everything perfect fingers perfect fingers

actually they're they're very nice do you have an account with us no no but can i see a picture

of her face like is there who what can you find out who the model is unfortunately we don't have

have a picture of the actual model oh um those models are not being shown by it's just the waist

down what do you like about this picture like what part's your favorite part what part is my

favorite part oh the girl that you're looking at yeah okay well i'm showing an item that we sell

for 39 we have it in black we have it in boysenberry we have it in marshmallow um what i

like about it is that our customers could uh get any color of these three no but what about her

what about her the girl behind the panties the girl behind the product what part you like do

you like her legs which like her legs or her she has a nice tight little tummy you know that looks

nice i like that yeah we're just we're guys we're talking about girls you know it's cool absolutely

i i completely understand what you're uh talking about um at the moment at the moment uh do you

Do you want to purchase this item, though?

Yeah.

Do you have any other picks like this that I can maybe look at later once I've risen, you know?

Maybe you could look under.

On top of the picture, it has headings.

It's got shoes.

It's got some shoes, clothing, bags and handbags, home beauty, accessories, women's, men's, kids.

Yeah.

It's got all these types of headings.

You could go on one of those headings, and from there, you could proceed to see what you are looking for.

Where would you think?

Well, it says underwear and intimate.

so that should be pictures of panties and stuff right uh that would be undergarments correct

all right yeah so like watch here's what i mean okay here's a skew number 803

7850 all right you are looking at the under armor seamless essential sports bra yeah and she's not

like yeah i don't like you see the way she's smiling i don't i don't think she's too pretty

you know okay uh and her i like her boobies aren't too big either you know they're i don't know if

is it the sports bra that makes the boobies flatter or is she maybe just not as well she

does have big boobies the purpose of the sports bra is to uh hold things in place when uh someone's

being physically active oh yeah so i know another feeling there uh but so i mean you you agree like

the other girl looks better than this girl here right like even though you can't see the other

girl's face she this one here is kind of flat more she's more bony not the kind of girl that i go

go for i will kind of do you would you go would you go for more of the fuller kind of girl or do

you like the skin and bones because she looks weird in this like she's got the ponytail bag and

her teeth she looks like a horse you know a horse okay that's it that's your opinion i respect that

sincerely um but at the moment um oh here's one here's one then all right how about this item

them eight one two two one seven seven two one seven seven all right what do we got here this

is free people geo print crot bar bra right okay now her yeah she's very pretty this girl there's

a brunette nice brunette very nice her hair is done really nice and you can tell she's got nice

natural breasts you see okay and she's got a little more of a fuller figure she's not fat or

nothing but she's got nice features and her face is more alive but you i think she wears too much

much makeup though what do you think well uh in terms of uh it being she being a model models are

to be uh you know presented in a certain way a certain light maybe that's just the way the

director wanted her to appear yeah i think she's but i think she naturally doesn't have she needs

more makeup uh than than others you know would you would you were you interested in the product

product well how about this one then uh 790 1142 okay that is 790 1142 all right you're looking at

the uh be tempted ciao bella walk in that bra now yeah and this is the same girl from the last time

so she got yeah she does a lot of work but you see you can even see her on this one here you get

more of a shot of her of her tight little belly you know and her curves and stuff okay you know

And I don't like what she's doing with her smile here,

but you get a better look at her natural breasts also here.

They look more fuller in this bra.

I don't know if you think that's the bra that does that here,

or you think it's more of the woman herself.

Undergarments contour body parts to make them either look fuller

or compressed for physical activity.

Now, here's the gym activities.

Here's one, 7901435.

990-1435.

All right.

Okay, Bill.

We have the Be Tempted Child Ballad Panty.

Yeah, and now this, this is nice right here.

This is more what I'm looking for, nice legs on a girl.

All right.

Bill, see, what we sell you at Zappos is clothing.

We don't sell models.

Would you be interested in getting any of these garments for yourself or a significant other?

Not for myself.

I mean, there's nothing wrong with that.

I don't swing that way young man and that's fine

if you're into that that's cool if you guys

have that kind of thing but no

yeah I'm just curious

about the girls the girls look good

I just wanted someone to talk to about the girls

I'm learning more about women

myself I'm coming more around

I'm more assertive with women

now that I'm on my

I got out of my marriage and I'm divorced

so congratulations well thank

you and that's that's what I'm

trying to do I'm trying to hang out because my wife

have never let me hang out with my friends and you know when i was in school i hang out my friends

and we talk about this girl and that girl looked good and she had nice breasts and stuff and we

sometimes we you know talk sex stories you know together the guys you know when we're kids and

we're you know when we're younger we would talk sex stories uh and but i lost that now i'm trying

to get that i'm trying to learn how to do that again well congratulations bill but uh here at

example is we don't have those uh types of conversations oh okay we talk about model we

so you know um designer brand uh merchandise oh okay yeah would you be interested in purchasing

a merchandise besides not actual models but uh you know well it's nice to look at the girls

are pretty girls right and you can look at them if you want right absolutely bill absolutely and

i'm i'm happy that you're on the website and you're enjoying yourself uh looking very much

i'm having vicodin i had two vicodins and a beer and i'm just here watching looking through

clicking here and there is there something is there something that you are interested in

purchasing though do you have any any underwear models like men now like physiques and stuff

anything you can recommend i can look at uh you might want to go under the men's section and there

There might be a section for, let me see here, shorts.

Shorts, let's see that.

Let's see what's up there.

Shorts, I see big and tall clothes.

No.

There's shorts, there's pants, there's a different variety of items for men that we have.

Shorts, here we go, shorts.

Okay, let's see what shorts has.

Let me see.

Oh, here we go.

There you go.

There's a nice young man.

There's some nice men.

Is there something that you're interested in purchasing, Bill?

Well, like, here's one, 813-3109.

813-3109.

3109.

All right.

You're looking at the Volcom Hybrid Short.

Yeah, now what do you think about that?

Would you do it?

Would I purchase these shorts?

No, you know, would you do this guy?

Would you do it?

Would you try it?

Would I try wearing these shorts?

I wouldn't mind purchasing the shorts for $55.

I do like them in black.

i do like them in camper camper blue as well what about being with the guy though like would you try

this guy here if this is what you're looking at would you try i don't know i'm like i like i said

bill we we don't sell models we only sell merchandise okay there's something that you

want to uh purchase through zappos well i don't know because i'm looking at this guy and i might

try i might try something like this like this guy do you have an account do you have an account with

this no you open up an account no i'm not interested in an account no i got a skew number

i want you to look up so if there is a uh item that you in your in your time find that you want

to purchase please give us a call back and we'll be more than happy to assist you in that purchase

oh seven nine eight two eight one six well at this time i'll have to disconnect the call no

Thank you so much for calling

Have a wonderful evening

Hold on, I got a question real fast

Dude

I was just going to get you guys

Ask him about man boobs

And the bras

That guy was a fucking trooper

I'm sitting there

Breaking down the women

Could you even hear when I was

Fucking covering up

And just making random comments

I'm not sure if he did

all right crazy fucker says the clinton bush obama global terrorist crime cartel are the

terrorists thank you crazy fucker for pointing that out man what he's supposed to call in last

week uh i've been trying to get him to call him for a few months i'm not convinced that's a real

crazy fucker he said he was gonna go like fuck a payphone or something and call in yeah do that

find a payphone man red box yeah red box i pay phone brag hook you up with a red box machine

free phone calls for life look red wings that fucking payphone right i'll tell you those you

can't red box outside of your local calling area anyway anymore you got to be in the same office

stay in this leg of the switch i tried to red box the payphone at the local walmart when i first got

my smartphone just to see if it worked and it did it yeah yeah i can't believe it's like walmart's

the only place around here that has a freaking payphone yeah yeah i can't tell you the last i

I see a lot of places where there used to be one, you know.

I take that back.

Down by the cigar shop that I go to, there you have a payphone out there.

It's right next to it.

There's a Verizon building there.

There was a grocery store.

I just went in the other day and saw one.

I was like, what the fuck?

Right?

Like inside the grocery store?

Man, the grocery store by my house that I used to live at, inside it had the payphone.

Like in the middle of the store, like in the back, there was a payphone there.

It was the weirdest place, and I used to call it and fuck with people.

It would ring there for a good 20 minutes, and finally either an employer

or some kid would come by, and I'd be like, what?

And I'd fuck with them.

I went on the PLA website and read about how they went to that Fred Myers

that used to fuck with them, too.

I got a real good laugh out of that fucking story.

Yeah, the intercom stuff and all that.

Yeah, talking on the intercom.

Don't shout Fred Meyer, bitches.

I probably couldn't fucking boot him off.

i was like the things we would fucking say if we can get out there we're there for like hours and

hours just sitting there yeah who's gonna make the right calls who's the 530 area code guy is

that milkman just fucking hanging out milkman 530 i yeah that is don't get that out he'll get mad

if he starts on i gotta edit out his uh he always had the area codes wow i didn't go any part

anywhere past the area code yeah well we kind of know milkman's area code ish kind of thing

we're not thinking about milkman's phone number look i'm mad don't do that earlier uh in the

chat room i was talking about he needs to fucking host a new uh episodes of uh cash cab

confessional that's what he's got to do because he was we were testing out some stuff and he had

he had me on he mounted his phone on his dash and he had it on skype and he was talking to me and

And I was watching him drive around.

I could see the traffic.

It looked like the police dashboard cam looked just like it.

I was like, dude, you should totally do a show like this

where you just drive around on Skype and record the video

and then talk bullshit, mess with the customers and stuff.

It's too bad he didn't have that phone and the fucking camera on

when Jay Battle stole his shit and took off running.

He had to chase him down with it.

Jay Battle.

Well, I figured out why Milkman drops out all the time.

It's fucking the Android Skype is unstable.

stable well he's i'm actually calling his phone i'm not skyping him oh he's old too yeah he's old

too yeah but android skype sucks anyway i was trying to use it last night i was trying to skype

with somebody and it's like it calls and it keeps ringing but you're connected you know and yeah we

were trying uh i was on my apple device and uh trying to get cobra on it didn't work out hey did

you did you update your uh do you have an iphone right aaron did you update your google maps did

Did you get Google Maps came out again at midnight last night?

I never did.

I never did the 6.0.

Oh, you're still an older.

Okay.

So, you know, I knew that it was going to be fucked because I'm convinced that they put something in the new software to slow the phone down.

Okay.

All right.

Crazy conspiracy guy.

Hey, let's Brad's calling.

Let me connect him first.

Hey, Carlito.

We were talking about how Milkman was on the cash cab.

Whenever you get to a red light, it's time for a red light hooker challenge.

it's all the questions you get a blowjob from a bulgarian hooker there you go very nice who

rides in the front seat with uh milkman hey brad what's up man oh my god hi hi hey salt river

materials group what have you called back the pizza hut from all those customers to like pretend

pretend you're a customer and you just got pranked and and be really pissed off all right yeah let's

do it let's see what happens let's see what they say do you need the number by the way brad brad

Yes.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

For whatever.

Oh, yeah.

You're like, okay, whatever.

Well, the first...

If anybody wants stickers, they can email me.

I'll send them free Phone Loser stickers.

Oh, I think I got some, though.

Are they new ones or the same as the last one, the last set?

They're the same, but they're just a little bit smaller diameter.

Oh, I still have mine.

It fits on a cell phone better.

There you go.

Well, I want to get a job.

Now I'll put one up at the job.

I'm touching mine.

I'm touching it right now.

I'll send you a sticker with your hard drive.

I'll put stickers all over your hard drive.

No shirt this year every Christmas.

I got a shirt from Brad.

He was on East 17th Street.

I'm sorry.

We're closed.

Yeah, I got a nasty phone call here from your delivery person.

We've been getting calls.

They think someone's, like, hacking into our system because they're somehow knowing our

customers' names and phone numbers and calling them.

Yeah, but don't worry.

It's not our delivery driver, and we're looking at it.

Well, I would hope so, because this person assured me that he was the owner, and he said

that for sure and i said how do i know and he said well because and he said to call this number

and you'll see and sure enough i called the number and it's you so obviously it's someone from there

no it's not don't worry i've already gotten a couple of different phone numbers they were

saying it's like a 661 number that's calling yeah yeah it's definitely not us and don't worry i've

already uh made a call to uh fly low oh god that's horrible that's what can i say get something then

like sorry can i get something then like uh good discount we're already closed and well can you put

on the computer it's really not in our control like it's not our fault that someone's you can't

put down for uh employee credit next time employee rate next time i call in or something put a note

um i i honestly they're really tight the corporate office but um uh yeah honestly if you get another

call just uh call the local authorities and they'll they'll uh look into it as well i'm

sorry i'm sorry all right well yeah you have a good night catch hi i'm sorry what did

What did he say, sir?

Capses.

I'm sorry?

Zucchinis.

And also zucchinis.

Anal beads.

I have to say, that delivery guy was very unprofessional.

He said he masturbated at the pizza, and I want something done about it right now.

Very rude.

Right the fuck now.

All right, can I get your phone number, sir?

Is that how your employees treat people like us?

Tell us they masturbated at our pizza?

How about you give me your phone number, sir?

How about no, you fucking beater?

Here's the thing.

He delivered a pizza to my home.

I told him to fucking go away. He wasn't getting a tip. He jerked off on my door. Um, if this is a like a weird prank

Honestly, you could find better things to do with your time

That's the first time I ever said, oh, yeah, okay.

We just got told.

That's the first time I let them get away with that.

Like, oh, okay, yeah, yeah.

Carlito, I think they're right.

Maybe we should just stop all this.

He's got a fucking point.

Carlito was sounding guilty earlier.

We should find something better to do, yeah.

Let's quit your show.

Yeah, yeah, all right.

Let's do Domino's now.

That's something better.

I don't know.

We should fucking do a cross-delivery again like we tried that other time.

Cross-delivery?

where Lysol was out

after Valente.

He was heading out to fucking Taco Bell

Pizza Hut fucking

parking lot and was waiting for

his Domino's delivery.

And then Lysol followed up.

Carlitos is cool. I'm up to that motherfucker.

Hey, I don't know.

We did all the delivery calls there.

I don't get those numbers Zyklon Brad

does and it's late in the show anyway.

We're not going to do a Domino's set now

because I think it's a big dummy.

all I got left here is

a guy named Freddy

and we've been requested to ask about sex

ask about sex with Freddy

who wants to ask Freddy about sex

I'll ask him about sex

yeah cause you don't know anything about it

Nunu would love to but he's not on the line

so go ahead Zyklon

Zyklon is it true that there's been an increase in

weapons and guns purchased since the Obama

election is that correct

yes really have you seen it has it really been busier

for you definitely

Definitely. What the fuck?

Racist people, man. No, we're not

racist. Realists.

Where do you work, Zeklon? I mean, like, what type of place?

If you don't mind. It's a local gun store.

Ah, okay. He shoots

people. I thought

maybe you're like an underground arms dealer.

He's a racist cop.

Brad, your fucking

Black Friday video cracked me up.

oh thanks i like the part where y'all while they're kicking you out so like

yeah we you aren't really walmart employees but we're still having to kick you out anyway

oh it no it cracked me up when you yeah i can help you over here right uh lane 15 you just

yeah that was carlito's idea like the two main thing oh wait no maybe not carlito's carlito's

idea was to tell the old lady i was taking a shit yeah i had the lane one too i told you that the

night before i told you yeah tell them i'm open over here and just keep walking off so what

happened did they on the video i only i only heard you say that but i couldn't see what was the

did anybody get out of line and go into lane 15 at all behind you or the old lady did oh she did

as i'm walking away you can see her like turn in there and then she's i'm sure just confused

oh i didn't see that i gotta watch it again i just remember seeing it like oh crap she was

looking like where the fuck are you going oh really we're gonna try and we're gonna try and

do it again like the whole walmart employee thing yeah before christmas is over do it the day after

christmas when they're all that's a busy return day yeah return day is crazy too yeah maybe because

they do sales on return day too now fucking shit any opportunity they can get the cell fucking

anyway yeah bastards man it's fucking yeah uh freddy freddy's uh freddy wants to know about

seg cyclone's gonna teach him about say oh no you're gonna ask him cyclone there you go ask

I should get Artie to teach me how to say it.

Artie knows all about it.

Not working.

Nope.

That's it.

Yeah, Tabachi's got to crash.

All right.

Okay.

So then we're done.

Tabachi's going to go.

All right.

I'll let you guys go, and then I'll let Milkman do the quick eye show,

and we'll get out of here.

All right.

So see you guys.

Aaron, Brad.

Out of here.

On your asses.

Bye.

See you all.

Zyklon, go to hell.

Kenny, Jose, you be in there.

All right, Milkman.

It's just you and me now.

Private time.

milkman milkman you fall asleep milkman sleep milkman sleep all right well thanks for everyone

who sent in numbers i know ken fuck you negro yeah ken milkman fell asleep oh he's gone ken

left again anyway uh so thanks to everyone who sent in numbers even uk godfather even though

your number didn't really connect uh tabachi thank you very much for letting tonight work out

with the relay system we did with skype uh i haven't heard it myself but it sounds like it

It turned out great.

Good work, Tabachi.

Thanks, everyone, for listening.

Make sure to watch MadHouseLive.com for eventual podcast updates.

Pray for my computer, and have a good weekend.

Thank you, and good night.

Bye.

Calls (25, 48 min of 2 h 35 min)

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