Robotripping

bisexual i'm fabulous i'm getting old all right ladies to let you know i am getting old hi

everybody this is carlito still coughing a little bit not a hundred percent i'm getting there though

flu really fucked me up this year man god damn flu uh this is madhouse radio for jan 26 13 126 13

i'm sure that date has some significance somewhere to somebody maybe it's one of your birthdays or

something i don't know maybe your your mom died i don't know hey but anyway i'm here milkman is here

hey milkman oh i need no gateway gateway oh my brother so good to hear you man you sound

sound like you're a little bit a little bit coming back to your normal self there slightly

but uh yeah i'm glad that you came out and you're gonna take a swing at her but we sure appreciate

it and everybody out here appreciates you know you're probably saying you're gonna probably

I'm going to spend at least a dozen lives tonight

to get their money, though.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Why kill them when you can laugh at them?

And let everybody else do.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

You're right.

I'll save somebody.

I'll do something.

Do I sound okay?

Your audio in my ears sounds very far away,

or is that just because I'm excited to...

I don't know.

It sounds far away.

Can you hear music?

Is the music coming in?

Oh, I hear nothing on your end.

just kind of like far away that means i got the wrong microphone here hang on let me fix that i

don't know for sure i'm just asking because that's what i'm supposed to expect and i don't hear any

audio or anything what about now what now that's different that sounds much better what's that

i switched i went from the the microphone on the webcam to the microphone on the microphone

you know that good there you go yeah now i hear audio too man let me play some more

team. There you go. Excellent. There you go.

Alright. Well, it was a good

thing you mentioned that early before I did calls.

Good work, Milkman. You did your job,

man. You earned your pay for the night.

Yeah.

Yeah. Man. I'll tell you

what. Is, uh, still coughing,

man? Yeah, it said

sound far out, man.

Far out, man.

Yeah, so, Milkman, you told

me last week, and I thought it was great

that you got me on that, uh,

the mucinex and it stopped my coughing and everything right it was good stuff

yeah but after taking the mucinex for five days it started fucking with me i was

i couldn't sleep and i couldn't eat i couldn't eat anything i couldn't i couldn't i lost my

appetite completely i went like two days without eating anything except for one bag of potato chips

like a small bag and that's a side effect it wasn't good no it wasn't good i was all freaked

I had no energy, and so I had to stop the mucinex, man.

It was messing me up.

It doesn't not eat.

Maybe you should reduce your dosage a little bit.

Man, so I stopped taking it.

I'm all right.

I'm not doing...

Wait a minute.

Are you using the dextromethorphan in it still?

Yeah, that's what I was using.

That's hot.

No, no, no, no.

Now that you're better, man, don't take that on coffee shit, because that will make

you kind of feel weird like that.

Some people are more sensitive to that, man.

It's like called robo.

It's the same shit they do for me.

I drank a bottle and a half of that shit, man.

I still got half a bottle.

Yeah, 20.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You should switch over to either the plain one or just the decongestant one,

but I wouldn't take no more of the cough one since you're not coughing.

You got to switch over.

That is true because if you do continuously drink cough medicine,

it will kind of give you a weird-ass buzz like you're f***ing out

and like you're not that everything you described.

That sounds like a robo-trip there, buddy.

Man, that was true.

Yeah, it was bad.

over i think you'll be all right just go to the regular version yeah yeah um yeah robo yeah man

because that's what those people used to do back in the service when they started you know drug

testing and shit yeah man my friends they told me about that oh my gosh it's back in like the 80s i

tried that i was like oh man man i was blown that stuff is like i don't ask you a long time

i know what you mean you it really makes you feel weird yeah there were robo tripping problem that's

That's what they call it.

It is.

Exactly.

That's it, man.

I guarantee you, if you've been taking that stuff still, you're not coughing like you

was.

That's where you need to back off at.

Go to the regular stuff.

You'll be able to still leave that stuff out of your lungs.

Yeah, but then I was mixing it with Sudafed, Sudafedering, the good shit, the stuff you

have to sign for.

Oh, you told me, oh, you didn't tell me you're taking Sudafed.

You mean the real stuff behind the counter?

Yeah, I was mixing them both.

That's why you weren't eating, Jack.

that shit will make you

did you get the 12 hour one

yeah the 12 hour one

I was taking a 12 hour one every 6

I was taking a 12 hour one every 6 hours

I hope this motherfuckers

will get you cranking

I was cranking I was at work

I was all cranked out man

it's almost as bad as doing a small

line of some bullshit

it's the same

bullshit they use to make that stuff

I threw a desk chair across the room

yeah you don't really put it on your ass

Every time I take one of those, I feel like at first until I've taken them for a few days,

and then I get over it.

But if I haven't taken them for a while, you ain't kidding.

They make you feel like you're pleasant.

Yeah, I got off of everything now.

Now I'm just going to let it work its course.

I'm going to take you all, like, weird and spacey.

I was thinking you aren't doing enough to be RoboTrip and that sort of thing.

Yeah, I was mixing it.

I was mixing it with Sudafedrine, which is basically meth, I guess.

so yeah that's what it's getting paranoid because that stuff was making you speed and it will make

you speed okay but not for long after you've been taking them for a while it goes away yeah

you know like you haven't taken them for like a few months first time you take it it will yeah

there you go uh you're you're you've got a lot of packets dropping out milkman try to get into

better position there or something you're or shut off everything in the background you know

yeah milkman you almost cut your finger off while you were cutting some uh baloney

and you almost fucked your shit up hey dude you know what man poor man's got to yeah so you were

you were cutting some meat and you the the knife yeah grazed your finger man that sucks i took down

a little squirrel man and dude i was really hungry man i had she's like crazy man so i decided you

know go ahead and got him man and hell paying attention next thing i know they're gonna slip

man cut my fingers dude like i got my nails trimmed it looks better than going to the

the damn city shop, baby.

Yeah, that sucks.

It was your guitar

playing finger, right?

Yeah, man.

I just tossed

the little, like,

fingerettes on there, man.

You know,

it looks really cool, man.

It's like, like, you know,

I poke you in the face

and it wouldn't even hurt, man.

It's like, oof.

Cotton balls.

Yeah, watch out, man.

Yeah.

Enigma says

he got the flu, too,

in his left ear now

for a week.

Everything else is gone.

I'm deaf.

He's deaf in his left ear?

Holy shit, man.

Excuse me.

You know what?

Everybody should be aware, man.

Man, this flu that's going around is not a good one, man.

I know somebody that just died from it, man.

I just heard this, dude, two nights ago, man.

So if you got that flu, man, be careful, man.

Keep your eye on it.

You can see a doctor.

Let it hang out and hopefully it'll go away and do it behind the counter, man.

Because this guy, you know what?

I don't know what it did, but something happened to him, man, and he didn't come back.

Man, Enigma, man, check that out.

if your ear is fucked up i get that looked at because it could be the flu could be an ear

infection but it could also be from the medicine if you're on meds man it could be a really bad

side effect from from meds if your ear went out for last year i've heard about people going on

over-the-counter drugs and stuff and they lose their hearing and ears for like permanently

what so who's saying what now what is their problem enigma he uh he got the flu and he's

He's starting to feel better, but he can't hear out of one of his ears, man.

It's his throat.

Tell him he's got one of those eustachian tubes in your throat.

It's kind of like infected and probably closed.

You've got to really gargle.

First, I'd gargle with the mouthwash to kind of disinfect it

and then try it with some really warm salt water.

It might loosen it up enough to where you can at least get your ears rebalanced.

You're going to have to rebalance your ears.

i know a couple people like that you gotta get in those tubes man yeah you gotta clear out the

vas dirt it's happened to me before man not very often but it sucks you gotta clean out the vas

difference that that right exactly man you know you you should use the uh perineum perineal cloth

on it and i think it'll get a nice shine and a nice yeah yeah the chat is saying it'll be a

a glistening shine

and then that was a good thing.

Very good.

All right.

All right, we got

Lonesome Loser sending in numbers.

Let's get to those.

Lonesome Loser sending in numbers.

Let's get to those.

Nope.

I'm Loser in the house

and I'm a hitman.

Am I still packing?

You're doing a little better.

We got Lonesome

sends in a number for a woman

looking for a good,

trustable dog walker.

All right.

right oh that's me milkman there you go i'm a good trustable tell them that you know that your

name your kennel is panty droppers incorporated right god damn that's pretty good a special

pickup vehicle stupidest prank ever panty dropper i don't know why you people stupid

stupid hello hello hello honey hi honey hello she's pick up the phone not uh talking what's

What's wrong with that, Milkman?

Why is she doing that?

Explain.

Explain to me.

It's Brooke Radford.

Just leave your name and number after.

We'll do no such thing.

What happened on the show last week?

Let's see if I remember.

Someone was asking me what we did last week.

Last Saturday, then I break up a gay orgy in a hotel in L.A.

I think that happened.

More of those one-bedroom apartments to share.

Yeah, you were sharing one-bedroom apartments.

You got invited to the homosexual orgy.

uh you got the uh security involved with it you made quite a good bunch of friends in la uh

downtown what is that a green high-rise hotel green high-rise what was it called yeah at the

green tower behind the green doors green green towers behind the green door behind the red door

was it at a movie was it at a porno in the 70s yeah that's the famous old yeah it's an old old

old school one you had the green door yeah there were a few of those right

up here in sf man and that sf green door is one of the best i try to watch

caligula not the green door they should just call it the purple door i try to

watch that caligula shit that was the most boringest thing ever i ever saw in

my life yeah the chicks look okay man but just the way the filmography was

man it just wasn't oh my god and it was more cinematic they were trying to appeal to a

cinematic watch his dingbats you know whatever trying to read their minds oh my god it was about

those are always i love to rewind them just listen to them like fuck up try and concentrate

and remember it's just hilarious watch him try and switch movies fucking movies were

it was some roman emperor that went on raping every man and woman he found and murdering him

he fucks men

he fucks women

I was watching

and the Roman Emperor shows up at some wedding

and he brings the bride and groom

into a separate room

and then he bangs the chick

and then he rapes the guy in the ass

at the same time

he's like I'm the Emperor I can do whatever I want

and I'm like what the fuck

John Holmes man

fucking Johnny Wad

that's going to be my prank call name for the night

Johnny Wad

all right um let me try it let me try this dog walker lady again come on maybe the third time

she'll pick up bring your cock in your ass that's frank canner's gold star that's what that guy

said bring your cock in your ass what he said remember he was calling you

He kept talking about Nicaragua, like, Nicaraguan, huh?

You're Nicaraguan.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He kept calling, like, frantically back.

He was calling back, like, bring anything.

You're Nicaraguan.

He's really into that.

Killing, man.

That was classic.

I think there was one good pizza call.

If I remember, no one took me seriously because my voice last week was really hoarse.

That sounded like a kid.

It was still hilarious.

That's what made it so cool.

That sounded like a teenager trying to prank all of them.

My voice was like, ooh.

That sounded like Bradford.

Bradford, just leave your name and number after the tone.

Fuck you, Bradford.

Bradford is the name of a shitty-ass quarterback back in the day.

All right, Big Carl.

Get more credibility because you didn't sound as confident.

You sounded more kind of less rehearsed when you were talking that.

Your voice was a little bit different, how you spoke and such.

Yeah.

All right, we got Big Carla who's looking for host families

families for an international for international high school students yeah man there you go this

sounds interesting you know those international students will come to high school hi hi the

broads are hot there was this french girl that spent a year with us in high school and there

was a rumor that she had a hairy um hairy pussy that it was um she had her legs spread open and

and she didn't know.

I think that was behind the Latin door.

No.

It was in one of the classes.

Apparently she had her leg spread open

in one of the classes,

and she didn't know,

and some of the guys saw it.

That's Adele Rueda.

Yeah, she rocked, man.

You don't know who she was,

Mugman Show.

That's Adele Rueda.

Hi, this is Carla.

If you leave a message,

I'll call you back.

Fuck you, Carla.

Hi, girlfriend.

Oh, cheers, Carla.

Hi, this is...

Where does she record

that voicemail message?

In a moving car?

Sounds like you could record her in a fucking city bus.

Yeah, she had some shitty-ass audio quality.

God.

All right, Samantha's selling a few cats.

One of whom...

The shithouse sounds a fan running.

That's what that was.

She was in a server room.

All right, Samantha's selling a few cats,

one of which she claims has two faces.

I'm sorry, I can't take your call right now.

I'm shitting.

That's why we didn't finish playing that for the audience,

because we didn't want to disturb them.

Yeah, it gets tighter every night.

You guys don't want to hear that shit.

They don't want to do that, man.

about women shitting and i'm protecting my audience out there that's right you want to

hear about women shitting on the toilet and all that stuff here's uh that doesn't care

that's horrible here's a woman selling cats squeeze the charm yeah hi i understand you

have some cat machines you're selling a few cat machines one of them has two faces the cat

machines um the one with two faces uh what what's the name of the cat is it a male or female

male or is it both and it has two faces on it no it has it has a black side of a face and the other

all right so the black face and on the right on what side the left side all right and then also

has a white face on the right side all right and then which do both of the mouths open and close

and everything or that was stupid so we just want to know do we got to have two bowls of food for

them or should we just put one so is the other face like on the ass part or how's it work i

don't understand it doesn't have faces well he says two face you said it's two faces because i

want to put this cat and i want to stuff it if it has two faces we'll euthanize it and stuff it and

put it on display two faces oh okay name is two face what can i do with what can i do with the

cat afterwards if i euthanize it is that okay that's all right oh do you have any other cats

are you sure because it says here you just posted this on the craigslist well samantha i already

talked to samantha she said that i could have the two-faced cat we'll put her on the phone

because she was supposed to talk to me not you who are you can you wake her up oh what are you

doing you're watching i'm not gonna talk to you my friend are you watching tv what are you watching

tv saturday night live just started were you watching it no he's watching gay porn

same to meet spin their money lying piece of shit man what do you mean that don't have two faces

well he keeps saying that he says his name ask him who you name it something else

hello yeah hi samantha is this samantha no it is not oh who's this and is this the person that

keeps calling and asking about the fucking cat and if you could stuff the fucking cat

don't call my house again are you a man you sound like a gay guy or you know what you can go fuck

Fuck yourself, motherfucker.

Don't call my house again.

Can I please have the cat and touch and kiss it and pet it and say,

Who'd you bought my d-girl to?

My girlfriend.

You know who she sounds like?

You remember that guy, Cyan Pranks?

I used to call this show a lot.

Holy shit, I forgot about him.

Yeah, that little kid.

That little kid, he was from Florida, I think, wasn't he?

Wasn't he from down there from, like, real close to our neighborhood, wasn't he?

Springfield or some shit?

I don't know.

He was the gay kid that used to do prank calls and stuff,

but he was never any good yeah he was from florida i think i'm pretty sure you know he was

like at spring hill that's where he lived at no that's someone else that's what was that guy that's

someone else you're talking about i thought that was i thought that was the same kid well anyway

the other kid wasn't funny no i am frank sucked that he had a whole album of pranks and they

they all sucked it was him it was him doing uh blue iris sound boards and then him with that

voice just like that lady you just heard but he's a guy his own biggest fan man and his little group

of little punks yeah i mean kid was funny man though it's funny he tried hard he was all right

i don't know he was kind of different that kid yeah you know i guess it appealed to his his

john his little group there man but i don't know the rest of us didn't quite get it here here's a

prank of his it's called it says cyan fuck up so i'm sure this is a bad prank here's and and tell

Tell me you don't think it sounds like the same person.

Hey, how's it going?

Is this the Indian place?

Is that the Indian place?

Oh, you guys do naan bread with the onions inside?

Yes.

Hey, did you know that some people, like if you have trace amounts of peanuts,

that they can actually like maybe choke on the food?

Do you guys have peanuts at all that you cook with there?

Um, kind of.

I mean, I was not worried.

Well, see, the problem is my, he's not, well, I say he's my roommate.

I mean, you won't tell anybody that we're actually, like, in a relationship, kind of?

Uh-huh.

Do you have any qualms about homosexuals and stuff like that?

He's like, uh...

He's my partner, you know?

Like, we say roommate and...

Really?

Hello?

I'm sorry, um...

This is serious business, okay?

Okay, I understand that this is serious business, but I'm here trying to take your order, not

to listen to your serious business.

No, but we...

Oh, wow.

That is very nasty.

Very nasty.

Look, we came in and we had food.

We ordered some food today, right?

Yeah.

Where the fuck is Cyan in this call?

I don't know.

I think somebody mixed it all up, man.

Matthew, you're all there.

I don't hear him at all unless he's actually in the background masturbating.

Shut up.

We had a meal.

His throat is swollen up really bad.

When did he have the meal?

I'm the chef here, please.

Yesterday.

Yo, I choked on your goddamn penis.

He's not doing too good.

Okay, so we want to know if you can test.

Did you hang out?

What did you scare her off for, Cayenne?

Cayenne Pepper?

Pepper, God, I was going to be a good...

I guess you couldn't hear his voice.

He just came on and said something stupid.

Yeah, he was a weird kid, man.

He tried, though, man.

He's got some fans, actually, in the chat, man.

That's pretty funny, man.

He was always a nice guy, but his pranks never...

Yeah, he wasn't a nice guy.

I just didn't get it, man.

That doesn't mean he wasn't funny to somebody else.

So more power to you, Kyan, man.

I hope you're doing well, man.

Thanks for your laughs.

I used to call him Kyan.

Somebody got laughs out of it.

I used to call him Kyan.

You're a good man.

A good Cyan.

So one time I said faggot on the air and he sent me a message all upset.

He used to do like that gay thing.

He'd like act real gay.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

Is this Cyan Pranks?

How are you?

We haven't talked to you in a while.

I was wondering what you've been up to and everything.

I do not know who you are.

You're Cyan.

You're this really pinky looking gay guy that used to talk to us all the time on the radio?

No.

No, I am.

You better quit calling my fucking house.

This is the house or a cell phone?

I didn't know.

This is a house phone and I've got your Skype right on it.

So I will fucking call.

You call my fucking house again.

Do you get it?

Call the Skype police.

Do you want their phone number?

The biggest Skype with the Skype caller ID.

It comes up as Skype caller, I think now.

That's what they say.

I guess.

I don't know what it's doing, man.

You better call a known number and sample.

I don't know.

That's all right.

We'll get another one.

Cayenne Fricks.

I like Cayenne, man.

She's sounding like she's doing pretty good.

Well, Cayenne, man, you sound like you grew up to be a pretty decent young lady there.

That's what the person said last week.

hello skype caller because that's what comes up on the id that must be what it says skype caller

i think i can set it though there's a link you can go to to set your your skype caller id to

whatever you want i gotta i gotta check that out i think brad knows what it is brad if you know

hook me up with that i like those cards that we used to use too those were fucking hilarious

damn it i'll give her a few minutes and call her again because that lady's funny

that's the cat lady everybody also known as cayenne pepper uh noonie reminding us there's a

big horse meat scandal over in the uk they're putting horse meat in the hamburgers in the

hambu that's bad milkman i wouldn't oh man is that what happened to him and he said he wasn't

feeling good he had a stomachache and that's why he was so cranky earlier what's the big deal they

they eat horse meat in france all the time left and right that's that's like total that's total

little uk cuisine as far as i know in france trying to take over man they're trying to copy

the uk's lead france is really big on the horse meat i think you can get it in canada too when i

understand horse meat in some restaurants no man i i love horse burgers man when i go down to

mcdonald's have you tried that new uh was it the cbo or cob or the cheddar uh bacon onion or

something like that cheddar bacon onion it's called cbo or cob or something hell like that

mcdonald's yeah it's fucking bomb dude i was just like i don't know i was just hungry and it was on

there and i was like oh i'll try that you know i was like fuck it and it was actually pretty bomb

dude oh man no i don't know what the fuck that is this is a mcdonald's if you go to a mcdonald's

I had to look for that CBO or COB or some help like that, man.

It was like cheddar, bacon, and grilled onion, I think, man.

It was pretty fucking good, actually.

Oh, it sounds good, Milkman.

I'll have to look into that, bro.

Thanks.

Yeah, man.

But, you know, it's never going to make up for the mashed potato sandwich special, man.

That's a Jack Matheson, you know, treasure recipe.

Ken says the McDonald's around where he lives have a narrow quarter pounder.

That sounds good.

you know you ever have the the angry they got that there and they got that now the whopper

angry whopper whopper yeah it's got like those jalapeno coins on it and uh monterey jack like

the spicy jack what's that called pepper jack cheese it's good there's not like guacamole or

something like that on there too they had a during the summer they have a guacamole a california

whopper i didn't like it i don't know if they're going to bring it back this year the angry whopper

has been has is seasonal comes out in the winter once a year because i had i first had in 2009

mcdonald's is doing this thing where they they do you know every they have some seasonal whoppers

and yeah last year that california whopper was crap i was real excited i was like all right you

know avocado it was avocado i think right and pineapple i think something like that the california

whopper i wasn't that one i don't think i tried man there is this really good one that carl's

were had it was the what the hell was it but it had a pineapple on it man that son of a bitch was

good teriyaki pineapple dude yeah they got that at red robin man it's it's good as hell you get

that pineapple that grilled pineapple on the fucking hamburger you know and they put teriyaki

sauce on it it's a hawaiian burger man that's good it's good man the chat is wild man i i guess

we're giving nina the munchies nina's gonna be mad he hates what we talk about he's got the

the munchies now dude don't forgive last week jeffrey briegel tell car lead up jeffrey

you're gonna have to bring that up man i might not i'll be up to speed

on jeff completely on jeffrey briegel but there's this character named jeffrey briegel formerly of

the uh san francisco 49ers you remember him uh yeah sure he's the one that got a little bit

of orneriness there and eventually lost his his uh position mantetio huh mantetio did you hear

i talked to you about that last week did you follow up on that story the the fucking the

dumb fucking simone uh notre dame football player that they pranked him to make him

think i had a girlfriend online it wasn't really a girlfriend have you heard about it you didn't

yeah i don't think i got to the details but i've been hearing about it he's so fucking dumb right

katie couric fucking interviewed him and she's like didn't you ever want to skype with him or

something like with skype with your girlfriend he's like yo uh yeah man uh you know i tried to

facetime her and every time it all that came up was a black box on the video and she said she

she could see me but i couldn't see her like i didn't understand it's a fucking retard man

you guys thought it was the guy freaking genius man fucking smart yeah no wonder he's playing

football man he's a genius he's a retard he spent two years in love with a girl and it was and it

was some dude pranking him the whole time yeah i can't see you can you see me oh i wish i could

to see god what did you did you think after two years you were like bitch you know i want to see

you i want to you know fucking you know see your video i want to see you the you know i want to see

some tits something like that right why don't you be like show me some fucking titties we gotta have

a peek here man we gotta have a peek by now come on i want to see my pictures god yeah you got all

the editions of pornography you know full of a fast one that you're not just in a real thing

remember sweet kisses and you thought it was a girl and you went to see her and it was a guy

that was funny i'm kidding i'm sorry that's me jane green has been hello chat hey how you doing

i was calling for cyan is she there no oh no no uh there was a lady there her name is cyan

she's a little older and she was upset that i had called about the cat dude you're dumb as

well no man i'm pretty smart i got facetime man you're pretty not smart do you have facetime

Dude, this is at home, fucking retard.

Can you turn on your FaceTime on your home phone so I can see the cat?

There is no fucking...

Can you turn on the webcam right now so I can see the cat while we're on the line?

You're dumb if you think a phone has a webcam, you dumb motherfucker.

Yeah, because my iPhone has a webcam on it.

That's not a home phone, is it, stupid ass?

I'm on the iPhone right now.

Well, you can be on an iPhone, but this is a home phone, not an iPhone.

Well, turn on the webcam. There's a button on there.

You are one dumb motherfucker you keep on saying that I'd look you're so stupid

You don't even know your phone and all the phones have cameras on now not all phones card all your so it's like a phone

like a whole home

The kids the cats aren't babies lady, they're not they're just

Fucking kids mother. Yeah, you keep on calling. It's gonna wake my fucking kids up

Who did you fuck who will let you who would open their legs for you to put your?

You're a retard hillbilly.

Your mom?

Yeah, my dead mom.

My dead mom, you called her, and then you fucked that mom.

Yeah, dude, I'm into necrophilia.

Yeah, you know, your mom warned me about you.

I'll kill your buckets, I'll fuck you.

Oh, yeah, there you go.

What's up, girl?

You got a topper mom?

What's up?

Can I talk to her again?

No, don't talk about my mom like that again.

Hey, big mama, what's up?

We got a big hairy pussy.

Big, fat, hairy pussy.

That's real funny.

Hey, ask her how to turn your webcam on.

I want to see her.

I want to see her tits.

Your mom's tits.

Dude, you're fucking...

Can I see your mom's tits?

Have you ever seen them?

You call back one more goddamn time, and I will call.

And they will find your stupid ass.

Trust me.

You said that the last two times.

They're all over my home phone.

I'm all over it.

I'm all over you, baby.

Trust me.

I'll be all over you.

Don't take but a minute for them to locate your Skype number and see who the fuck you stupid fuck.

Yeah, they're going to locate it by looking at the caller ID.

You're so stupid.

Of course they locate it.

Ugh.

But seriously, talking about being all over.

I would be all over you, you know?

I'd play a Spanish guitar in front of you and turn you on.

I'd play dominoes.

And now you're being gay.

I'd play dominoes.

I'm talking to your mom, dumbass.

Get out of the way.

That's not what you're saying, dude.

I'm on the phone, and you're fucking talking to me like that.

She hears me.

That's a little gay on your part.

Why are you getting in between me and your mom?

I want to be your new daddy.

Yeah, you'd get your fucking ass stomped if you tried to be my new daddy.

How would you feel if you had a new brother or sister?

Would you be all right with that?

I'd whoop along with you.

Like that?

All right.

Well, what if I whooped your kid's ass?

I dare you to try to touch my...

No, I'm not going to touch him.

I'm just going to scare him a little bit.

I'm into shit.

Listen.

Hello.

Is the lady on the phone yet?

Yeah, the lady's on the phone.

Well, you said to give her the phone.

Were you going to say something to insult me or stop me from bothering you?

What was going to happen?

I don't know who the fuck you are, and frankly, I'm hanging up the phone.

I am calling the police, and they will find me.

all right and you will get in trouble for her last what do you think they'll do i mean is it

gonna be serious i'm pretty sure it will be oh well the consequences never be the same and what

do you think those are you stupid buck i don't you think it's a misdemeanor or what do you think

it is like a felony maybe or misdemeanor i don't know what do you think i'm not even gonna waste

my breath on you don't blackmail me all right i'm turning my phone off so you can't fuck with

me no more i don't give you permission to do that holy shit we better leave her alone

Dude, she's fucking, she's hot, man.

I think she's about ready to get off, dude.

She got her panties wet now.

Turn on your webcam.

Wooka, wooka, wooka.

The whole boat.

Her breeches are wet now, man.

Oh, God.

Leave her alone, dude.

You sound a little bit happy.

Yeah, smile.

Consequences will never be the same.

All right, we'll call there again later.

That was a good point, man.

I never, ever would have thought

that you heard it right here.

I got a lady offering early bird daycare

24 hours, 7 days a week.

We'll negotiate with pricing.

Her ad is all in caps.

Oh, wow.

Is it really?

Is it? Really?

All in caps. Cool.

I'm going to talk to her like that.

And she's not licensed, Milkman.

That sounds really safe.

All right, let's give her a call. This is big. I don't know her name

I'm already bring the mic up to my mouth here you think until your party answers the phone. Oh, yeah

Lady Gaga, that's why I want watching my kids a little monster

Inforated to an automatic voice message system four one seven

Yeah for the longest time when I first heard that song I thought it said fuck her face fuck fuck her face

Face I was like, oh my god, they're playing us some regular radio music until your party answers the phone

Your call has been forwarded to man. Yeah, you know if I was calling for that

Kind of serve as daycare, and I heard that she was listening to Lady Gaga, or she likes Lady Gaga so much that she put it on her ringback number, or ringback song.

I wouldn't do that.

Can't trust that, man.

Hey, Milkman, look, Monte Teo's on the line.

Hey, Big Ken.

Jeffrey Briegel.

Hey, man, how you doing?

Oh, pretty good.

You know, that Jeffrey Briegel thing was from that guy last week that was trying to barter a rent for sex.

Remember, you made the homeless in Fettitool?

What?

What? I don't remember that.

I kind of remember that now.

You said you used to feed the homeless

in panty soup, and then you went home and jerked off.

I used to make panty soup.

Alright, I remember that now, yeah.

I can't laugh too much, because I go into

coughing fits.

You went and tried to get Milkman to talk to him, but all the

fucking guy would do is repeat,

Jeffrey Bregel. Jeffrey, how are you?

Oh, yeah, now I remember.

He kept saying that weird shit, yeah.

That dude was, man,

Man, he was game, dude.

He was like, he was actually, how many sex units, man, do you require?

That's, you got into it, man.

You were offering, like, you were offering 60 sex units a month to fucking live there.

He said five a day as his first answer.

I remember now, because I.

I still came out with five a week.

Yeah, no, I remember now that Milkman, Milkman, you said, what was it?

Oh, you had told her, you told him your name was Jeffrey Briegel.

That's all you said.

and it gives him jeffrey briggle jeffrey yeah i remember now we lost one he sounded like him

that's why i said that he sounded like jeffrey briggle i didn't want to say another word dude

because this guy was really really shaky man carlito call that one guy and tell him that uh

he wanted to move in as soon as possible because lysol was stealing his shit the nuns were letting

him into his stuff at the homeless shelter he's like i can't help you i can't yeah that was a

weird shit too that was a good one um ah shit you know what the madhouse stream just dropped

and i know why because the fucking bill didn't get paid again god damn it i know why shit i'm

pretty sure it's 30 aaron's fucking fault no it's not yeah i gotta play man he's at it again

he's pranking us again that bastard all right man that fucking little monkey again this this

This happens once a month.

We never lose our betrayal.

Every time with this Shellcast provider for the Madhouse stream,

I set up a fucking automatic PayPal payment.

They don't recur the payment.

They don't do it.

They send me one email notice right at midnight saying,

this is your first delinquency notice.

Please pay this in 10 days.

And then they shut it off at midnight exactly.

It's a fucking retarded company.

Anyway, for those who are listening on Blue Planet and Cacti and on the YouTube stream, hang on because I've got to pay a bill to get Madhouse Stream back on.

Listen to this salvage yard prank call by Reclude.

Hey, sir, you guys want a salvage yard?

Pardon?

Hello, you guys want a salvage yard out there with cars?

Yeah.

Okay, well, listen, my girlfriend, Francine, took my car out there.

I just got a divorce from my ex, and I think my car is out there.

I think she was going to put it through the crusher she was talking about.

What's going on?

Pardon?

She was going to put it through the crusher out there.

Okay.

So I just want to make sure it's not there, you know what I mean?

Because she said she was going out to Shagnassie's and going to put it in the crusher.

You guys got, like, a magnet and a big crusher out there or something?

Maybe she's lying, but I just want to make sure.

Well, no, I have a crusher come in once a year.

Christ, when did it come in last?

Oh, it's been a while.

What kind of car was it?

Oh, it was a Buick.

This guy off my mom, she put that goddamn thing down there.

I'll tell you what, I just want to come down there and make sure it's not there, you know.

I mean, when's the last time the crusher was here?

Maybe you got it in there in your lodge.

Yeah, it's been over a year.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Okay, well, that's good.

I mean, it's only been a couple weeks, but how often do you get cars in there?

Well, I get cars in there all the time.

uh so i mean you can model what's that what you're viewing your model i know you got it listen i mean

i know you're just trying to jerk me around so listen let's get no no i'm not trying to jerk

you around i'm trying to listen whether i have it or not i'm just that's fine but listen i'm

gonna come down because all right hang on again i'll be right back i gotta go i'm gonna get my

wallets i can pay this give me a second fucking company open the door for me you got a geek down

there or something where you guys go i'm not opening it tonight you got it off of highway

Highway 5, or where are you guys at?

We're off of Highway 2, but I'm not opening it.

Highway 2, okay, that's close enough.

Well, listen, I'll just stop by because I really need that car.

I mean, she's, you know, I know my wife's got it down there.

Well, we'll be wasting your time because I won't let you back here tonight.

What's that?

You come around tomorrow in the daylight hours after 10.

I can't wait, John.

I've got to go to my parents because I'm late for Thanksgiving.

So I'll be right down.

My name is Richie Randall.

Well, I'm not going to let you in the backfield.

What's that?

You're going to be wasting your time because I'm not going to be opening the...

Well, this doesn't matter.

I'm going to get in.

I'm like my guy who comes to that stuff.

Don't sit here and threaten me on the phone.

I'm not threatening.

I'm just going to come into my car.

It's my car.

Listen, it's my goddamn car.

I'm going to come get it.

And nobody's going to stop me because I'm Richie Randall.

Do you know who I am?

Who?

You ever heard of Richie Randall?

Yeah, I've heard of you.

Exactly.

So I'm coming down to my car.

You're not going to hear me, Annie.

I'm not going to...

No, it doesn't matter.

What's the matter? I'm just trying to say that I've got connections here with the mayor.

I don't give a damn what connections you have.

I know there's street supervisors.

I'm trying to be nice to you now, and now you're starting to piss me off.

Well, listen, I don't have time for this.

I need my Buick, and I'm going to my mommy's house, and nobody's going to stop me.

I'm going to be right down there.

And I'm not trying to get violent. I'm not a violent person.

What was your name again, Richie?

I'm a musician, and I don't get violent.

What was your name again?

Do you have a junkyard dog in there? Because my name is Richie Randall.

What was your name again?

And what was your name?

Richie Randall.

God damn it.

Richie Randall, huh?

And I'll be right down here, and we're going to get my Buick, and I'll pay you $100, and that's final.

There's nothing going to happen.

Whatever, then we'll have a problem.

Well, that's fine.

We'll have a problem.

I'm going to jump the gate or something.

I mean, I got to...

You better not have no junkyard dog or I'll sue you.

My daddy's a lawyer.

Well...

You better open that goddamn gate.

You better be worried about me.

Well, I tell you what, I ain't worried about nothing, because I got a can of mace, and

And if you come after me, I'll mace you, and I'm going to run in your gate.

I'm going to get my car, and I'm going to bust you in the gate because nobody's stopping me.

I'm going home.

That's good.

He's like, don't get what he's saying.

Don't get rude to me.

He's like, you heard him.

Richie must be famous.

Hello?

Can you hear me?

Yeah.

Have you guys got a Buick in there?

My brother, Richie's got a Buick in there,

and I just want to know if I can come pick it up.

Well, nobody's coming here tonight.

I've already told him that.

I've been really nice, and I'm really...

Listen, listen.

...don't like to cultivate.

It's my brother, Richie.

Well, if he comes up, he's going to jail.

No.

He's going to jail.

It doesn't matter.

If he comes up here tonight, he's going to jail.

Our dad's a lawyer, doesn't he?

There you go.

I know he's going to jail.

We've got enough money.

I don't want him up here threatening me and my dog.

No, I'm not trying to.

We just want to get you...

No, no.

Reclude, man, reclude, reclude, calling reclude, calling reclude, report immediately.

It's okay, just let us in the door.

Just like I told him, my business hours are from 10 to 12.

Let us in the door.

It's okay, just open the gate.

You call us before you come?

No, nobody said anything.

We're just going to open, just open the gate for you.

It's okay.

No.

Everybody be happy.

All right.

Just open the gate.

All right, this is the only way I'll do it.

Are you listening to me?

Okay, yeah.

You call the sheriff's office, and you come up here with a deputy.

They will go into the backfield.

But if you show up without a deputy, somebody's going to jail.

Do you understand me?

Okay, yeah.

Hey, we're showing up.

I don't like being threatened.

I don't like my dog being threatened.

My buddy, I'll tell you what.

What about a city cop?

Well, there ain't no city cop that'll come out here because Newport is the sheriff's department.

You'll have to call and make a case.

Well, actually, my sister is a state trooper, so maybe she can come out.

But listen, it's okay.

Just open the gate for us, okay?

I want a uniformed officer in a patrol car.

It's going to be okay.

If there's not, then I'm going to have my gun in my hand.

Do I make myself clear?

And I will not take any crap.

And I will not be threatened.

I got Kevlar.

I used to live in England.

I don't give a damn what you got, mister.

I don't know what the problem is between your brother and his girlfriend,

friend but it's not something that's worth all this bullshit you follow me listen you come up

here you come up here in a peaceful mood with an officer and i'll go in there tonight and i'm

going out of my way for this it's gonna happen but if you don't show up you're gonna get you're

gonna get turned around or go to jail holy shit no we're not going to jail we got we got a we got

a connection so listen here's let me just spell it out for you buddy let me spell out for you

What's going to happen is my X and this, all right, I blew my cover.

It doesn't matter.

What's going to happen is you're coming down, and we're going to get my Buick.

I'm telling you.

That's exactly what's going to happen.

I mean, and nobody's going to get hurt.

Okay.

I tell you, I got a Mace, and I got a Kevlar.

Nobody's shooting me.

All right.

And I got a Doberman Pinch or two or something, and you don't need to see it.

It'll be in the car.

I'm not bringing it out.

You want to shoot me?

Fine.

I'm bringing it out.

You come up that driveway without an officer with you,

and I'm going to start shooting immediately.

Do I make myself clear and I don't give a fuck if I kill you or not?

You understand me?

What do you want to be angry for?

I don't want to hear you skin, man.

Why me be angry?

Jesus Christ, your brother threatened me and now you're threatening me

and I'm not supposed to get angry?

Bless him, buddy.

You don't come to my house and do this kind of shit.

You want to be civilized?

Fine.

If you don't want to be civilized and you want to come up here and threaten me,

I'm going to start shooting.

Holy shit.

I survived this.

No, God damn it.

I can survive this.

this. So if you want to have it out,

you just come up here and threaten me. That's all

it's going to take. I'm a fast

runner. Every vehicle I have on

this property, I have paperwork for.

Well, jeez, you say to Christ, you don't have to be

an asshole. No, you're the one that's being

the asshole threatening me with mace

and a fucking dog and

shooting me and shit, just like your fucking brother.

I suggest you wait until

daylight, because you don't want to come up here now.

Because I don't give a damn. No matter, I don't

give a fuck if you bring the whole damn State Patrol

whole office and every officer in the goddamn

state up here with you. You're not going to be

allowed to be on this property. Period.

Well, Jesus.

You don't have to be an asshole. I'm going to come.

You know what? I think that's bullshit.

I totally think you're bluffing.

I'm just going to go get my Buick, okay?

And nobody's going to do anything.

Because I've already got the sheriff's department

on their way up here. Oh, bullshit.

What'd you do? Would you instant message them

on the internet? That's bullshit.

Would you get them on the CB?

No, I called them.

If you want to come up to this driveway, be my guest.

When's your fucking call?

I mean, what'd you call him?

Did you send him a telegram?

Would you sell him a telegram?

Stop.

Richie Randolph's about to get his Buick.

Stop.

Please come soon.

Stop.

I mean, what are you going to do, buddy?

Can you wrestle?

I'm done talking.

State camping.

You're not welcome on this property.

You're not welcome on this property, nor is your brother.

I don't give a shit.

I don't know if you come on this property, you're going to jail,

and if you come up here tonight, it's going to make it even a hell of a lot worse.

I'll tell you what, you think I'm leaving without my Buick?

You're crazy, man.

Francine's not doing this to me.

I know you are.

You think I have your Buick?

You wish.

Jesus Christ, it's stage 7.

Come up here like a man.

It's stage 7, asshole.

It's stage 7.

Don't come up here like an asshole.

Don't come up here like an asshole that's threatening me.

God damn it.

If I have your vehicle, it'll still goddamn well be here tomorrow.

It ain't going anywhere.

Yeah, well, you know what I'm going to do?

I'm just going to comment the pizza delivery guy.

That's the one I'm going to comment.

You're not going to know who it is, and then I'm going to run and get my Buick.

No, you're not.

You're goddamn right.

I have that vehicle back there.

It is there tonight.

It will not go anywhere tonight.

I'll guarantee you that.

Shit.

You want to come up here with an officer?

Fine.

But I want that officer's vehicle in front and have them call me before they come up my driveway.

Because if a vehicle comes up in my driveway, and I don't recognize it as an officer, I'm going to consider it you.

And whoever's in that vehicle is going to have a gun pointed at them.

And I'll be mean in business.

That's bullshit.

Do I make myself clear?

Dude, you just pissed off.

That's bullshit.

You know goddamn well.

I can't write I'm pissed off.

I've got every right to be pissed off.

You know goddamn well you're not going to shoot anybody.

Well, that's bullshit.

I got you.

I know you're not going to shoot anybody.

but I'm just going to drive right up that fucking shit.

I'm going to open the gate.

I've never even been here.

I don't give a shit.

I'm just going to go, and I'm going to get my car.

I mean, you can't take it from me legally.

I got the title.

It's not even in the glove box.

I got you.

You think you can take it from me?

You think you have the legal rights?

You don't come up here without a deputy.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

I'll come there with a safety, Tom.

If you make any moves that I think is threatening, I will shoot.

Oh, boy.

Oh, now it's first it's coming to the driveway.

Now it's to make a threatening move.

What's next, huh?

Hey, just getting out of your goddamn car is going to be enough for me.

That's right.

Just getting out of your car is going to be enough for me.

That's right.

You think you're a tough guy?

Tell you what, why don't you fight like a man?

You have your gun on you.

I mean, seriously, you want to wrestle?

You want to wrestle, buddy?

No, sir.

I'll take care of you for three years.

I'll just kill you.

I'll just as soon kill you and get it over with.

That's bullshit.

I don't want to be fighting on the goddamn ground with people anymore.

So I'll just kill you.

There ain't going to be no fist fight.

I guarantee you that.

Now, you want to come up my driveway and threaten me?

You know, Kong Fu, I guarantee you don't.

Neither do I.

It's bullshit.

You know what?

Guns equal pussy, other than the army or hunting.

I tell you that.

That's what it means.

Your brother's name is Cliff Randall?

I say, Guns is pussy.

I tell you what.

What's your name?

What's your name, guys?

Bobby Easton.

My name is Grissy Randall.

Cliff Randall?

Goddammit, my name is Grissy Randall,

And I'm tired of this shit

I'm getting my car

I'm just going to drive

Right up your fucking driveway

And if you don't like it

You call the cops

And they're going to be

Right by my side

And we're going to get

Your goddamn car

We're going home

We're going to see mommy

And we're fucking

Ten hours late

And it's bullshit

And nobody's getting in my way

I tell you what

I got a Kevlar

I got mace

I got

To place a call

Press 1

To listen to

Madhouse Radio is live

Thursday nights

At 10 p.m. Eastern

Once you shut the hell up

Hang on I'm wrapping it up. I think I got it fixed

I was trying to find part two that prank here while that was going through and I couldn't find it man. It sucks

I need a few more minutes to get things streaming again

Giggle really

Really?

Yeah, he talks about your buddy.

A little tee-hee-hee.

Like that?

Maybe.

I'm all for that.

All right, here's...

That was a great rec food call, man.

That's a classic, dude.

Man, I sure miss him.

I do, too, man.

He doesn't want to be on anymore, you know?

Oh, he was fun, though, man.

He really knew how to do those losers out, man.

You know, what's funny is because he lived really close to that guy,

so he knew exactly what to do to bug you.

here's one called jack masterson's heart attack burger i think this is me in hollywood let's see

oh this is a classic oh it's not playing never mind some of these pranks won't play

because yeah i'm fixing some i haven't heard a good jack in a while yeah what's that one where

he's on the stretcher man i forget the name of that one he's on the stretcher i don't remember

that man whenever he gets thought he needs that uh incline like stretcher so he can like that

Oh, I don't know.

He's always got a problem.

My favorite Jack Master says the one he called Red Robin

and all you can eat fries.

All you can eat French fries, yeah.

The Grand Slam calls are always good, too, man.

There's never and ever seems to be fun.

Grand Slam calls.

Yeah, you may always call in for the Grand Slam.

Oh, he calls in too late, yeah.

Yeah, I don't know why Jack doesn't figure that out either.

He's another idiot.

He's always, ever an opportunist, you know.

How many french fries do you have on the premise?

I want garbage bags full of fries.

He was going to back up a pickup truck and he wanted it full.

Yeah, he was too big to come in.

They were like, well, get off your curb and serve us.

He's like, I want you to fill my pickup truck full of fries.

Poor Jack, man.

He's always got something going on.

all right listen to this here's a heart attack burger is this the restaurant with the burgers

i'm sorry is this the restaurant that has the burgers hang on i don't have a big enough penis

in my mouth hang on wait a minute i don't have a big enough penis in my mouth what the fuck

i just got that that's funny oh yes hi you guys do takeout orders

proceeding at all like i call ahead will you see me

Oh, I'm going to tell you what kind of burgers I want.

Like, herb side things.

I was just working out is what I'm saying, you know?

I'm sorry for breathing so hard.

I just, I've been working out, you know?

I'm Jack Rasmussen.

You want to take my order?

Who am I talking to now?

Speak up, Robert.

I'm trying to get a takeout seating, but if you can't hear me, there's no sense in doing this because your phone sucks.

Okay, hold on one second.

Who is this?

Hello.

You sound like you're a person of authority.

I'm not, but what do you need?

I'm trying to make an order for takeaway.

Right, okay.

And what would you...

What is the biggest burger?

They're all the same size.

Now we're back on.

Should we listen?

Now I want to hear this prank, but we've got seven more minutes in it here.

Now I'm invested in this.

Save the remainder for maybe when we go to break, huh?

Now I want to hear this.

If I remember correctly, Jack Masterson starts complaining about chest pains.

This is the one, yeah, where he's exercising, he's got the munchies, man,

and they're telling him to stop.

he's obviously having a heart attack

but he thinks to get something

he's like what do I do

I think if I eat something

I'll feel better

I think there's a guy in here

I think you should go to the hospital

let me fast forward

I think you should probably go to the hospital

to those one half pound

rubbers with the patties

I want them stacked like two in each one

so like a whole pound

Yeah, this is the guy.

This is the guy, yeah.

Ah, there it is again.

Oh, God.

Can you hear me?

I'm sure after I eat, I'll feel a lot better.

It's a huge pressure on my chest.

It just started.

I've lost like 40 pounds in the last month.

master said i was in the

i was in the sentinel there actually talk about me losing weight i've been working out working

out as much as i can 18 hours a day almost just up 18 hours a day oatmeal and i started getting

this pain in my chest i say forget this shit you know i just i'm just gonna give myself a burger

and you know let it be whatever happens it's just i never had a pain like this before oh god it's

It's like my jaw is almost like...

It feels like I'm heartbroken.

I've never been brokenhearted before.

Maybe that's what it is, you know?

Oh, God.

I hope he makes it.

Oh, God.

I'm really worried.

I can drive down there.

I don't think it's safe for me to be walking around, though, you know?

I can drive.

I'll get to that.

I'm going to drive myself to the hospital, I think.

I'm going to stop lying.

Hey, you know, you don't do the curbside takeaway real quick?

I don't think eating is going to help you.

I think you should hang up the doctor.

Oh, God.

I got an F.

What?

Block back there.

It helps me that I'm doing it sometimes.

Could you hear the echo?

I put some mattress up in the bathroom.

You don't want to eat any food?

Huh?

So relieved.

I just call in to give you a waste of time,

and you put your resources somewhere else other than manning your staff.

That's what I do.

That's my job, dude.

That's what I do.

That's my MO.

You don't like it?

You got a problem?

Yeah.

What do you want to do about it?

You got any bread?

You want some bread?

How much bread you want? I'll give you some bread.

Hey, Dieter, what's your name, boy?

No bread. Bread going once?

That's it. No bread.

If you want some bread.

He was taking a shit the whole time, Milkman.

Get it?

Alright.

You're so relieved at the end, though.

You're so refreshed, you know.

Taking a shit makes you refreshed, man.

And then what you do, you don't...

You feel like a whole wave

has been lifted off of you, man.

Then what you do, you go right into the shower.

you don't wipe your ass you just clean it in the shower good day action swirl it around a little

bit all right uh let's let's call the uh let's call the two-faced cat people again

oh no no don't do it dude that was good dude i gotta leave him alone i don't think real

i just might recommend it let's find a new one no that's cool ken can you talk to them ken

because you're a different person so you know don't do it man come on man do a new one man

trust me man she's coming to wimp milkman i know yes call them

i thought she's going to plug the phone uh-huh

lion little bitch all right cool and she got a little bit

click that link in skype chat there oh you got a link in skype chat you did skype chat that's right

so play this on the air mcken says mad real world hey lysol this is the lysol yeah this is where i

got lysol from by the way if and i meant to mention this last week but yeah this clip here is where i

got lysol from because he was looks funny this whenever i do the lysol prank i imagine that this

is what the lysol who's after me looks like the big beard the james the james harden beard you

You know what I mean?

You had sex with Katie.

Wait a minute.

You got that all wrong.

I didn't have sex with Katie.

Lysol had sex with Katie.

I just filmed it.

Hey, Tyree.

You had sex with me, too.

Correction.

I had sex with Katie.

The part that I like, if you've seen that episode,

the Mad Real World of the Dave Chappelle show,

when they first show Lysol, it's pretty funny.

My boy just got out the pen.

We need the room.

he goes all right i'll leave and like no no you leave katie here and little bitch says she wants

to leave stay too well life song that's fucked up man you know my poor guy then they end up

stabbing his he's like they ended up stabbing his dad and everything in that episode yeah they did

yeah yeah funny thing is they when they premiered that episode mtv blocked it and they didn't replay

that episode for like a few months because mtv was in litigation for them not to show it again

because they said it portrayed the real world in a negative light like yeah okay like the real world

isn't rife with negativity and and drunkenness and fights and stuff like that yeah that was a stretch

dave chappelle man rest in peace dave chappelle hey let's keep going dave chappelle dave chappelle

isn't dead um a woman offering to be a date night babysitter here we go that's what i'm talking

about you know you get your babysitter you ever come over on date night you know you ever had

the date uh the babysitter fantasy milkman i'm into that man babysitter porn howard stern watches

babysitter porn he's always talking about it babysitter porn oh yeah yeah babysitter porn

to drink it there boy pepsi max hello yeah hi i understand you're looking you well you've got a

woman there who's offering to be the babysitter for date night okay yeah that would be me and my

wife oh both of you yes all right so would it just be her coming over or how's it work uh no

No, you'd actually be bringing your children to us.

Oh, okay.

Oh, see, I thought it was something where, like, the babysitter came over and we would have a date.

Because I'm into pornography.

There's, like, babysitter porn, you know, where it's like you have a...

No, I don't fucking think so, bud.

You know the fantasy about where the babysitter comes over and she's like, oh...

I don't care what kind of fucked up shit you're into, but that's not going to be my wife, dude.

No, but it says here that it's for dates with a date night babysitter.

yeah it's a date night babysitter that's what i'm saying that means that you and your person

that you're with go out on a date with the babysitter no yeah no my wife's into girls

too so it might be you know i don't give a fuck did you want to watch no i know oh have you

nasty motherfucker lose my number have you ever shared like anybody your wife with anybody no

No, no, we don't share.

You don't swing?

And, dude, I know your number.

If you don't hang up now, I will file this with the police.

But it's just, you can't file this with the police.

No, that's illegal, dog.

What's illegal about being sexual?

I have said no.

You're pushing it.

That's when it's considered harassment.

I'm not pushing it yet.

I haven't, you know, she's not here yet.

I said no.

No, you're not listening.

Can I just put the head in?

I said no.

That's not what the ad's about.

what about just the tip excuse me what about just the tip you know what i mean just the head do you

not understand what i'm saying look just the head just the head in that's it you know okay i'll just

go ahead and go ahead and call local pd and just file this in with harassment well all right because

i made a mistake i thought you were looking for no because i've sat here and said no that it's

for child care you nasty motherfucker that's disgusting that's illegal right there i can get

you on that if you want your wife to sleep with children and stuff that's disgusting dates with

children child care babysitter for people's children okay i was i was mistaken well i need

that too though i'm all finished hello only someone like yourself and your little sausage

fest you got going on would take it next well i mean don't wait i want the legitimate thing

then can she babysit my oh my god date night sausage packing fest huh it's uh because ken's

over there

sausageing it up.

That was funny.

We have another

Is that Paddy's

or Link's, sir?

We have another

number for them

so let's call it.

They put two numbers

in their ad.

It's the hot Italian.

I believe he prefers

the hot Italian.

He was really pissed

off about that.

Oh my God.

Well, you can see

the mistake.

I was like,

yeah, I thought

the girl comes over

and plays babysitter

and then you,

you know,

boom, boom, boom, boom.

Fat club, it's cool.

Ken, that's awesome. I love that voice, man.

We need to come up with a character name for that voice.

Hello.

Yeah, hey, I was looking for the babysitter to come over.

Wrong number.

Oh, is this the guy again?

Hello? That's the wife number, isn't it?

That's the wife number.

You can't wipe the background.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, it's him.

Ken, we need a name for you.

We just do Ken Kniff, I guess.

I don't know.

Is that who you base that off of?

Ken Kniff, right?

Yeah, pretty much.

but then your name is Ken so that's silly

oh you're drinking that still reserved man

that's you can chew that

beer that's crazy it is cheap though man

whoa 99 cents for a 24 ounce

can that's cheaper than I've ever seen

like I've seen it cheap in

Florida but not 99 cents for a 24

ounce that's pretty good by the time you get

taxed on it and then you get like

bottle deposits about a buck 16

a can but still pretty cheap

yeah still reserved man

alright

Oh, man.

Ken Kniff from Connecticut. That's funny.

That's probably KDK.

That's funny.

I never thought of that.

How appropriate. Ken Kniff is from Connecticut,

isn't he?

Dude, Dweebo says it's 20 cents

for a 40-ounce over there.

Oh, you're lying.

Don't be silly, Dweebo.

No one's buying a 20-cent 40-ounce.

That must be piss. That couldn't be beer, man.

Holy shit. 20-ounce 40s?

20 cents for a 40.

Dude, that's less than a penny an ounce.

That is cat piss. Carbonated

cat piss. That's probably totally

That's two ounces for a penny.

I wouldn't drink that. Who's selling that to you?

That's some counterfeit stuff.

Holy shit. Alright, let's

continue with more calls.

That cat was awesome, man.

Alright, I'm going to try his first number again

because that guy was too funny. Maybe we should

save him, too. Just call him every week and

fuse. Yeah, touch

You know, he's a nice one to continue to develop his character.

We need to groom him and his wife.

Matt, help gently.

Groom him.

Hey, is this the babysitter that comes over and we take pictures?

No, and just so you know.

Yeah, what happened?

I have local PD coming over.

I have your number.

I have your name.

Oh, what's my name?

Huh?

What's my name?

Somebody's going to do a gangbang.

Oh, shit.

You're bringing the cops over, too, to watch your wife?

Yeah, they're on my way to my house right now.

they're gonna watch your wife and me together too you're freaky man that's hot no no i'm gonna

follow harassment charges oh okay well you come over first and watch things all right you can be

in the room and watch that's all right bud you you and your sausage fest have fun bud all right

yeah man hi welcome pretty days coming over right they're coming over to sign out to take over our

chat he's connected to know our chat is he all right we got george driving to pittsburgh from

from Springfield, Missouri, on Sunday morning,

is offering to give people a ride.

There you go, Milkman, you should get on that, man.

There you go, 10-4.

How random is that?

If anyone needs a ride to Pittsburgh from Missouri, I'm your guy.

Yeah, okay.

That sounds weird, yeah.

Only pay half of the bill.

Yeah, and here's another prank I remember.

You remember when Recklu did the prank where he said he was talking really creepy

and he called the girl at the gas station

who was by herself, and he was saying

he was saying, like, I'm not from this

part of town, but I saw you and you're hot

and she's like, okay

you know what I'm talking about, he was like, this is the

perfect night, the perfect night, yeah

that prank is funny, I want to hear that

you know what I'm talking about

I think, Ken, you like that prank, I think you've talked about that

before, Ken, perfect night, that's an awesome prank

uh, yeah

anyway, maybe we'll play that later in the show

alright, uh, here's the guy driving

from Missouri to Pittsburgh

that's a long drive isn't it missouri to to pennsylvania it's pretty well that's pretty far

far pretty far damn that that right there would probably be two days to have a bit of it

three yeah hi i understand you're doing a trip to uh pittsburgh for the gay convention for the

gay homosexual convention no oh well that's where i was that's where i was headed that's right it's

It's on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday.

There's a gay convention.

So how much are you charging for the ride?

I wasn't charging anything, but I'm not going for that reason.

Oh, no, but you don't have to go.

You just give me a ride to Pittsburgh, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

All right, what kind of car do you have?

I have a Chrysler Sebring.

A Chrysler Sebring, that's cool.

All right, that's good.

Is it a leather interior?

Yes, it is.

Very nice.

Nice. I really like the feel of leather on my skin, so that works out perfect.

Is there anyone else coming with you already? Is it just me and you?

Hey, I'll go. I like the feel of leather in this.

When you said Chrysler Seabrook, you said, ooh, Chrysler Seabrook. I love it.

Hey, don't forget to tell them about me, girlfriend.

That's not as good as a Dodge Stratus, guys.

Stratus rule.

Stratus, the best car ever created.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

man george like i was thinking the other day like see uh ken you brought you bring something like i

was thinking the other day at work i was like little weird things that i say on the show that

people i wonder if people know where i get them from like the lysol that's why i was thinking

about the lysol prank we did recently and i was like i wonder if people know majority of people

know that that's from the chapelle show the whole lysol thing and like that thing uh i dar i drive

i have a dodge stratus that's from saturday night live from 1995 i want to say will ferrell will

ferrell said that in a in a sketch he was like some angry father at the dinner table and he

kept saying i drive a dodge stratus he kept yelling at his daughter like it's like some

big bullshit i think i know which one you're talking about it was kelly bundy whoever that

girl was she was on snl that weekend apple gate yeah and yeah they were apple bottom they were

they were arguing at the dinner table and every time they got to the argument he always ended

like hi driver dodd stratus and yeah i remember because christina applegate at one point she

said it's better than your stupid that is a major qualifier in his book well she was like it's better

and your stupid dodge stratus he goes yo watch your mouth he's like oh my god that's let's try

i think what else i don't know machines i don't know where i got machines from i got that from

some show also what was it something machine i don't know where did i get machine i was i

remembered the other day where i got machine from no that that was actually to be honest machine

that came from when i was working a tech support job for a cable company ken you can feel because

because you used to wear tech support for a cable company.

And I got this ghetto black girl in Atlanta, and she called me,

and she's like, yeah, I got a problem with my internet.

And I'm like, okay.

And she's all like stuck up, like, what's going on?

She's like, yeah, I turned on my computer,

and it says that there's no video connected.

You know, like when you turn on a monitor on some of the older computers,

those old big monitors.

Yeah, no signal found, but just the solid black.

Yeah, so she was saying that she was getting that,

and it was because the internet was down.

and i'm like oh my god here we go like so i was like uh no ma'am that's because she interrupts me

and she goes look i know i'm not computer legitimate but my computer machine's got a

problem and i just started busting out laughing and yeah and i hung up the phone because i was

like i can't do this right now but i still i laughed and i laughed that's where i got

i had around the same thing where this lady's like my computer won't turn on and she thought

her modem that we that we installed controlled her computer yeah and it wouldn't allow it to

turn on i'm like oh my god you're a fucking moron i know it's sad isn't it it is sad or the lady

that uh i was asking her whenever somebody was asking her what lights were on her modem she said

she put duct tape over them because they were cameras taking pictures of her oh my god yeah

well i was working a contract job for uh for a a government entity here uh when i first moved

out to pennsylvania and i got a laptop in for repair from this this one chick um who worked out

oh no she worked out in the field right and she was actually really good looking and i got it and

she had little bits of electrical tape over every little hole on the laptop and i'm like what the

fuck and then like my co-workers like yeah that's what's her face she's so dumb that she she thinks

that there's cameras she doesn't want cameras or whatever because she she had seen the she had

heard about the story about that one girl from cnn i guess that they had hacked her um her laptop

and recorded her naked or something like that wasn't or something like that i think she was

on her laptop and she was like half dressed after she got out of the shower and they recorded her

and they released a video was it christiana elman poor one of those girls i don't know who it was

but she was convinced that she she could be watched through her laptops she had put little bits of

electrical tape over every little hole um including the microphone hole and she was confused

confused why no one could hear her when she was trying to use skype without a microphone she was

trying to talk she's like yeah no one can hear me on the laptop microphone i was like well you have

a piece of electrical tape on the thing because that's the microphone like yeah so he goes are

you sure it's not a camera like no it's not a camera it's pretty too small to be a camera lens

and she's like oh are you sure i don't trust it oh i trust you she's real flirty she was really dumb

There was a rumor that she used to not wear panties, and she was walking down the hall, and a maxi pad, a feminine napkin, fell down between her legs, no lie, while she was walking down the hall.

That's gross, right?

Ooh, smells fantastic.

Kind of skunky.

Wouldn't you wear panties if you're on your period?

I'm not a woman.

I would guess so.

Milkman, ask your French girlfriend about that.

Your Belgian girl, whatever her name was.

All right, continuing on.

I think Artie would be the one to ask about that.

What was it that Artie did recently?

Artie did something.

He's always got something going.

I think that boy needs to write a book, dude.

I'd call him, but I don't think he's around right now.

I think he's with his girlfriend.

Oh, it did say his girl wrecked his car.

They talk about that.

He didn't talk about it.

He had a brand new car.

It was about a month old.

He let his girl drive it, and she totaled it on the highway.

Of course, she wasn't on the insurance.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

that's the guy who's doing the trip to pittsburgh yeah she looked down to change her ip the song on

her ipod and looked up and when they got into an accident that's what already said yeah man

that girl was really fucked him up uh we got a woman offering a ride home at night for north

star west plant workers what from two that work on the 2 to 10 p.m shift she also has a second ad

ad which is completely different but also offering a ride uh it seems a little fishy he says if you

live between the bypass and national and from kearney to grand i can provide you nightly take

home what that's literally how it's let me look at this ad hang on uh i'll put this in a skype

chat ken in case you want to see it here she sounds asian the way she's writing yeah what do

do you think about what do you think about monte tio whatever his name is ken do you think that's

oh he's a complete dumbass i still think he had something to do with it all the way from the

beginning yeah you think so you think it was a sad story to try to get him the heisman i don't

know i think that's all it was was to do the heisman push and all that that's sad man how

do you hear it talk did you hear that the katie couric interview i was just talking about he's

so retarded it's like oh i don't know i mean it came up a black screen i don't understand what

i don't know what's going on oh man all right so hey northwest west plant only workers do you ride

the bus to work but need to ride home at night i can take you home for 25 a week i have room for

three people if you live between the bypass and national and from kerner to grand i can provide

you nightly take home must pay for week ahead and cash only all right let's call hey there's we got

three guys right here me ken and milkman right we work at that plant that's cool let me look up

but northwest north star west is first before i do that north star west i wonder what that is

north star west sounds like a truck trucking company maybe north star west clue custom smooth

board guns that's a gun factory huh there you go smooth board guns well that might not be right

i just look up north star west north star west this isn't springfield right let's see

starting to lose my voice again fucking flu pulp and paper okay it's a paper plant there we go

all right let's do it i have paper cuts on my ass i'm gonna leave blood marks all over the seat

you know what kind of ride i want right guys hey yeah we got a bunch of requests for uh someone

selling ceramic horse heads oh there you go yeah i was about to say we got some requests

for pranks also to get to i've stuck to all alone some loser pranks so far but we'll hit

some of those up in a moment yes hi you're offering rise from the north star plant to my

house um yeah and do you have any rules well um so you work at north star you work the second shift

yeah i work second shift from two to ten okay um no just that i have to keep you know pay a week

ahead do you work there do you work there do you work there with us no um i got my ex-husband works

there but we do a ride service i've got it on craigslist yeah and uh uh so my husband has been

um giving folks out there rides periodically they'll call like they don't have a ride home

or something and so we just decided to see if we could you know might pick up like three people and

run them out that's cool and like is kissing allowed and all that huh is kissing allowed

No.

No? Okay. And what kind of vehicle is it?

Who is this?

This is Cross. I'm one of the plant managers there.

Oh. I have a white Chevy.

White Chevy Malibu?

No.

Or is it Chevy Cordoba?

No, it's a Chevy Impala.

All right. And are you okay with making stops sometimes on the way?

let's if i want to go get you know ice cream or sometimes i have to stop at rite aid or you know

for medicine and stuff like that and i'll give you extra money and i'll buy you something inside

or we'll get some jewelry and stuff like that okay um yeah i don't mind to stop like if you've

got to run into get and go or to go through a drive-thru go to the toilet just um but uh

Sometimes I have to use the toilet, and maybe we could stop and I can make a toilet, you know, for a little bit.

Make what?

Make a toilet, you know.

That freaked her out, not the fact that I asked her if kissing was allowed.

Let me try her again.

That question did throw her for a loop.

Asking her if I've got to take a shit, that's something.

I'm my first cigar in like three weeks, man.

Please leave your name and number, and I will call you back as soon as I can.

Thank you.

at the tone please record your message when you've finished recording you may hang up or

press one for more options to leave a callback number press five i am calling again me and ken

and milkman just want to know about having a ride um you know sometimes we like to use the toilet

on our way there there's a nice bathroom on the way at the mcdonald's they have a really clean

bathroom we go in there sometimes and we pick up men sometimes right ken we pick up men i like to

to go in there because i suffer from mud butt yeah yeah the mud but sometimes we just like to

stop and there's also a bar that we like to stop at to pick up men and you're welcome to come in

with us and everything we'll pay you double those nights um so let us know what you think give us a

call man she's not answering anymore i'll try again i don't doubt it at least we left her a

goofy with your name and number and i will write the voice man she is fucking terrified now she's

He's like, who's Cross the Plant Manager who wants to kiss me?

Please leave your name and number and I will...

All right, no answer there.

Let's keep moving on, play a little bit of songy song here.

Wasn't there someone in the chat room asking who sings Peach Fuzz?

Was that correct?

It's an MF Doom beat.

The song, it is a song.

There is actually a Peach Fuzz song.

It's by a group that MF Doom used to be when he was younger,

before he was MF Doom.

uh what's the name of that group he was in kmd i think is the name of the group it was uh yeah it

was uh you know back when before he was mf doom when it was just david demille and his brother

and some other dude they used to do that uh they used to do if they had two albums and what happened

was uh mf doom's brother died the band broke up mf doom ended up living on the streets of philly

for like two years like homeless and then he finally fixed himself up and started doing the

mf doom thing and like i mentioned he he was actually deported for some stupid reason on a

technicality uh his parents were not american citizens and but they moved to the united states

and when he was like two years old

he's married and has kids and everything in the united states and he went to

uh he went to europe for a european rap tour and and when he got back to new york he got to

la guardia and they denied him entry in the united states and they still didn't they won't they still

won't let him back which i don't understand how because he's married to an american woman you

know what i mean like don't you get citizenship once you get married or something i don't

understand why not that's the thing he's working on a new album so i'm real excited about and i

would play i'm gonna play that song here now i gotta sit here through a youtube ad because i

don't have the actual song itself by kmd i don't have that album ready but well maybe i'll play

that song see i don't know you guys really like that peach fuzz song you know we should do

something with it that'd be some i would love to see mf doom in concert but that's probably

not going to happen anytime soon until it gets back in the united states unless i happen to be

be in london and he happens to be doing a concert while i'm there you know what i mean and i don't

see myself going to london anytime soon because that's the town it'll just look scary man they

got a lot of freaking problems over there with foreigners crazy fucks jesus book is 15 you got

your posters 10 all right no rapping to the girls oh no all right remember be humble all right

This song is about getting women.

Alright, that song sucks.

and if i keep playing it youtube will ban us for the night so let's not do it i just realized that

not a good idea really sucks if we can't play as much music as we used to on the show since we

moved our video over to youtube because stuff starts getting flagged and this and that and

can't watch it in germany and we got so many german fans anyway back to prank calls uh david

england in england not i mean they named the country after his family how about some how about

How about some requested pranks first?

Then we'll get to the British calls.

Still a little early for me.

It's only one o'clock.

I don't have to work until tomorrow night.

I can sleep in.

And we started the show late.

Let's make it a late night.

I don't think Brent Westwood's going on tonight.

I haven't heard from him.

Fuck you, Kate.

I heard Brent, you guys had a pretty good show last week.

You were on, I heard you and Hillock on there, I think, last week again, right?

Were you on?

No, you weren't on, though.

Ken, I didn't hear you contributing last week to...

No, last week I missed a show.

yeah yeah anyway craigslist loxton found three-legged male husky went missing on sunday

morning it was wearing an invisible fence collar guess that didn't work for you invisible fence

they think someone tampered with it or broke how about it doesn't fucking work an invisible fence

you should claim to be the one who tampered how does an invisible fence work i'll be i was walking

down uh my my in-laws neighborhood and i someone had a sign and it said invisible fence here you

You know, like, this house has an invisible fence.

I'll tell you, I had a St. Bernard Pitbull mix.

He found out if he fucking ran fast enough through the fucking invisible fence,

it only shocked him a little bit, and he was out.

So what is it?

The collar shocks the dog if they get too close to it?

Yeah, it shocks him, but he found out if he ran through it quick enough,

it only gave him a minor shock, and then he was outside the fence.

That is awesome.

That's a smart dog.

He deserves to be free, you know?

That dog deserves to be, just to be smart.

art reminds me reminds me my uh my vietnam vet uncle he had a next door neighbor had these dogs

these fucking dogs every time there was a thunderstorm they would go nuts in the backyard

they would start yelling and yapping and they would jump over the fence every time and go to

my uncle's yard like they would jump over the neighbor's yard and go into my uncle's yard

and my uncle had a pitbull and he you know my uncle was like dude you gotta do something about

this because my pitbull's gonna tear you tear your little fucking terriers up and shit you know

know so he he got like the old school you know the electric fence you know from back of the day

he got one of those but he just he just put it on the wall on on the one side that they kept jumping

over and i remember my uncle said that when the first thunderstorm started coming in and the dogs

were in the backyard he went out to the he went out to his back porch just to watch and sure enough

like you said the dogs the dogs thunderstorm came in they started they're yapping and they're

yelling and they're running and they ran up to the fence and they got shocked and all you heard

was a dog fell back and they never tried to do it again but he said it was one of the funniest

things you ever saw them dogs never try that again man that i wish i could have seen that

so that's how it works invisible fence that's that sounds like cruel punishment man

nunu says call russia to promote being gay okay why is that funny thank you nunu explain

shut up brendan try him again continuing on here uh that prank came in from

From Spooky with zeros instead of O's.

Cameltoe sends in a prank request here.

Maggie is Chinese and sells stuff on eBay.

Inquire regarding her clothes.

All right.

Big Cameltoe Flapper sends this in.

This is a UK number.

Okay.

This is going to be helpful.

I don't go into a coffee fit.

I don't know why I'm trying to smoke a cigar when I still have to cough.

But whatever.

I never learn my lesson.

I haven't even mentioned today.

If you want to send a request prank roll request madhouse live.com madhouse live.com is a website. Hello. What was that noise?

What is this a recording

You're recording

Are you stupid? Okay

Alright, let's try that again. Everyone hold your ears. I think it was recording. Hello. Yeah, this is a recording. What's going on?

Hello, you sell things on eBay stupid. Oh

Yes.

Oh.

I will quote the past, quote the past say.

I thought it was my brother.

No, no, no.

Yeah, yeah.

No, but you say hello.

I said, hello, Chinese.

Uh-huh.

Do you have Chinese food there?

So how are you doing?

Oh, I'm good.

How are you, sweetie?

Hmm?

I'm good.

How are you, sweetie?

Do you have clothes?

I can't hear.

Do you have any?

I can't hear.

Oh, God.

Go to hell.

Bye.

Jesus Christ.

Fuck me.

Hey, Baz.

Baz is here.

Baz.

Yeah, come in front of me.

Sounds like your wife over there.

What's that about?

I'm kidding.

I'm sorry.

I was horrible.

I'm sorry.

My wife's Filipino.

She sounded Indian or something.

No, that lady was Chinese.

That's why I said that.

Oh, okay.

Got it.

That's horrible.

That was funny.

That was mean.

Tell your wife I said hi, even though I don't know her.

Will do.

Does she cook with pineapple?

Does she put pineapple on the rice and all that stuff?

No, not really.

but she does a really killer garlic fried rice for breakfast.

You know, you eat that with a Filipino sausage called longanisa.

Longanisa.

Yeah, we got that.

Longanisa.

Yeah, and they actually flavor that with pineapple juice, so it's a little sweet.

It's good stuff.

There you go, man.

Good stuff.

Very good, very good.

All right.

Cameltoe Flapper also sends in a number for Pizza Hut.

Order local pizza.

That sounds very unfunny, Cameltoe.

Thanks for your submission, man.

No worries.

i think that's uk godfather um uk godfather that's you nice try well the the thing that

may make it work is they're advertising their meaty favorite i think you fuck with them on that

their midi midi favorite what's that meaty meaty meat ooh meaty favorite huh oh ken that sounds

like a good one for you to go in with your porno talk there you go hell let's do it all right

right meaty favorites cool and is that uk pizza hut because they got a totally different menu

there they got the hot dog pizza over there and all that stuff according to the one that brad was

calling earlier uh that was us i will not forget it they probably don't have it there then they

they're the lucky ones with that hot dog flavored the the the pizza with the crust that's hot dogs

oh man i would so eat that but they don't have that in the states you think that would take

take off here if they had it some of a bitch uh spooky's number did we already do this yeah the

three-legged male husky no one answered there uh bone thuggish longtime listener of the show

sends in a number for a female with a two-year-old son uh she's looking for a female roommate see

it's cool because you're gay ask if son is a special child who requires special attention

okay sure we'll do that no problem yeah all right what what what will you send a request a prank

you said also right ken i'm getting to it i i sent a couple and i think somebody is setting

their friends up like one was like i have a used blow-up doll for 250 dollars i'm trying to upgrade

to a black blow-up doll and all this shit and it says call anytime even if it's late uh yeah

sounds like someone's getting set up that's cool well we'll play that's fine we'll do that in the

meantime abroad with a room hello i heard a half second of music let's try it again yeah hi i called

before and you hung up what happened hello oh fucker there's another one that sounds like shit

um real quick before we continue i wanted to i wanted to share um i went to this uh there's a

place here where i live there's a pub uh downtown and uh i stopped by there there today uh after

work and uh i was uh i didn't get a chance to eat but i've been there before they have this

awesome bread it's a it's an irish pub right and they've got this what they call blarney bread

i'm going to share this recipe well what they have it down on the menu it tastes awesome

it's a creamy four creamy irish four cheese blend with garlic on garlic bread with a touch of irish

mint liquor smeared on a toasted baguette broiled under until golden brown um it's the fucking most

most awesome if if you can make bread as unhealthy as possible it's this blarney bread it is so

fucking good man that sounds really good man yeah it's it's like oh yeah oh man it's so good it's

like an alcoholic tasting garlic bread but it's got like this irish cheese like four different

irish cheeses on it uh it's the bomb no i didn't know that they made four different types of cheese

in ireland i don't know i don't know i know i've had irish cheese you know i've seen in the stores

i guess maybe just three different brands of it i don't know this place is irish to the hill it's

it's a really fucking dope place to go to man they got cigar smoking there and stuff it's a cool place

um let's continue let me go back here to the request of pranks see if i can get to ken's here

on the list moving along tabachi sent in a number here tonight uh we got an unnamed man selling

pirated software on the black market uh also known as harlem adobe uh uh what albertian i've never

never heard of albertian live uh pro tools office 2011 to name some poses windows genuine software

investigators say that lysol my undercover agent bought a copy for 60 say the servers are tracking

his copies very good idea awesome no problem we'll do that yeah hi you have the uh pirated

software on the black market you have the software for sale the black market software

black market software yeah well you have adobe and pro tools i have i have a hard drive that i

already have the software on that i'm selling oh so the hard drive comes with all the software on

it yeah are you looking for the hard drive what are you what are you trying to get well i want

the different software i want office 2011 and pro tools okay just office and pro tools yeah but

what how do you get do what are you gonna make a piece out of it out of the uh the hard drive i

don't want the whole hard drive i want just the software what do you mean what are you doing

I thought you sold software.

I have a hard drive.

You have a lot of stuff on there.

If you want the drive, it came out of my old computer.

If you want that, you can have that.

If not, I can't help you.

So what do I do?

I put the hard drive on my computer and it's just supposed to work?

Well, yeah.

What do you mean, no?

That's exactly how it works.

So I put the hard drive on my computer and it just works like normal?

Well, if you were to buy any other hard drive from someone and you'd stick it and put it in your computer,

you'd get access to whatever that was on that hard drive.

Does it have YouTube on it?

can i get youtube on it the hard drive yeah does the hard drive get youtube oh yeah it has an

operating system on it yeah but does it get youtube like i can watch the youtube come up

on the computer and it comes up the youtubes yes because you in order to do that you have to have

an operating system that comes with the operating system and the keyboard too right no i don't have

a keyboard no but i need the keyboard for youtube to make a go oh yeah all right okay but here's my

my concern because if the partition is you know if the partition is mapped to a different hardware

i can't just plug in and make it my c drive it doesn't work like that you know i don't know what

to tell you now oh wait a minute when you say the software is on it it's installed on the hard

drive right correct i can't just stick a hard drive on a computer like a second hard drive

and start running the programs without reinstalling it you don't know what you're talking about

um like i need the install i need the exe files okay i can't help you all i have is a hard drive

like i said with the software on it if you're interested in that then i'm your guy if not then

that's useless though why that's useless why do you say you have the software on it i don't

understand okay there's like 50 guys that you can call you know what i'm saying i'm not i'm not the

guy i'm not the one you need do you have the cds no i have it on a hard drive i told you yeah but

so if i just stick a hard drive in a random computer it's not going to just start working

Okay, you're so stupid, man.

Did you just call...

You didn't want to call harassment?

No, what...

Is this really happening right now?

Yeah, it's really happening.

This is real world.

How are you calling...

Listen to me.

How do you just call somebody's phone

and start calling someone stupid?

Because you don't know

what you're trying to sell

a software and a hard drive

and it's not even the ISO or the EXE.

Okay, so...

You're really stupid.

You could just call somebody up randomly

and just start calling someone stupid.

Yeah, you're a stupid asshole.

I even go further than that.

What about that?

What about you're a stupid fucking dumb cunt?

Unbelievable.

Unbelievable, you stupid ass.

Are you Mexican?

Are you Hispanic?

Are you a Spick also?

Oh, hey, we need to meet up somewhere.

Do you want to meet up?

This is Los Angeles.

We should meet up, bro.

Yeah, man, you want to meet?

I'm in Los Angeles.

Where are you?

Definitely.

Where are you at?

Bro, this is Los Angeles.

You don't know.

I'm Valente, all right?

Valente.

Come on, bro.

Yeah, man.

Who does that?

You're randomly calling up people talking shit, dude.

Racism, man.

Yeah, that's it.

Unbelievable.

Do you have my wallet also?

Your what?

Do you have my wallet?

My wallet. Do you have my wallet?

Asshole, shit, fuck, shit.

Can we stay on the phone a little bit longer?

Do you want to get more out, or what should we do?

Yeah, you want to meet me at Taco Bell.

Okay.

I would ask when you show up. You talk shit through the phone.

I'm not even on the phone, man.

Exactly, whatever you're on.

Yeah, I'm on a YouTube computer.

Oh, wow.

Have you ever tried YouTube?

Uh-huh.

Okay.

All right, well, asshole, stupid shit,

why don't you learn more about computers

computers before you start scamming people and selling things that don't work the way you're

trying to get them to work got it all right you can't just do that you need the cd or the iso file

the exe file or it needs to be a zip or or a rar unrar file you know thank you yeah you're really

dumb where did you learn computers at mexico that's the problem all you know all you know

how to do is steal things is that right yeah because you're hispanic i understand no it's

cool man don't feel bad it's in your blood i'm feeling bad it's in your blood hispanic people

are born with the problems where they steal things all the time they steal software and

hard drives and everything i'm not your guy then huh oh did you want to steal some things for me

no i'm not doing anything i got a hard drive with software that came off a computer that i have

that doesn't work that works because you're stupid you're selling bullshit that no wonder

no one's tried to get it from you because you're so stupid it doesn't work like that

i'm so stupid i'm a stupid

talk to stupid people we should meet up with my mexican friends uh we'll meet a taco bell

i'm sure you got plenty of friends see how big you are behind that fucking phone that you're

hiding behind uh-huh okay then talk shit then open your mouth okay honey exactly okay honey

all right all right pendejo what did he say what is that i just want to see how long he'd stay on

for what a dumbass call him back let me talk to him real quick all right all right he's a dumbass

it's been a good night for he seemed a little excited man he did sound like the this is los

angeles guy did he he did is ted webb in our conference yet ken's here

oh man you know what's up i think you like that he changed his answer he changed his answering

message there it seems like holy shit you know what's it what what's going on i want to play

like all these pranks but i don't have my uh my prank archived index on this new computer that

that i'm running right now on the side that handles the audio for the show so i can't um

i can't just cue pranks like that like normal let me let me try to map that real quick here

hang on give me a second because now when are you able are you able to see pbt pbt yeah why

what's up pbt look in folder under vermont street vermont there's a audio file in there

yeah what's that and then when we get a chance man next time we want to play some audio for a

few moments cue in one minute and then roll it is it a prank call you'll see it yeah you'll see it

you'll see it in there when you'll know what i'm talking about is it a prank call hot street and

also you never looked at that video either pendejo is it a prank call no okay god calling you i'm

asking you oh what is it what is i see rasta man chant that's a good song is it the original

version which one is the original one man oh yeah man like someone i mean i don't know if you've

pretty damn good yeah i like that song it's good man it's a record player in san francisco

yeah it's cool dude yeah you gotta listen to it's a cue in one minute and then whenever you get a

chance anyway oh don't worry milkman maybe i'll play it now hang on let me see let's see i want

to hear that song now rasta man it's it's a little bit long man so you know so i said you

know it's a good one to spread out oh there we go there you go that's it all right there we go

All right, let's get some more pranks here down in our belly, like guava jelly, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, man, the belly full, but they're hungry.

Man, a hungry man is an angry man.

That's right.

And you know what?

The belly full, but they're hungry.

Yeah, man, when it's a belly full of lies, the man's hungry when there's a belly full of lies.

When there's a belly full of lies, the truth tastes good, you know what I'm saying?

Hell yeah, man.

They're belly full, but they're hungry.

San Diego Humane Society.

Humane Society. Call them and say

that you had your dog there and not

and won't respond to your

commands like it used to. Ask if they kicked

your dog. This comes from Dweebo.

Dweebo! They kicked

my dog. You kicked my dog!

Ask them if they touched your dog inappropriately.

Yeah. Bastard.

Hey, Milkman Bastard.

I didn't say turd, but I said bastard.

Don't get it mixed up.

Thank you for calling the San Diego Humane Society and FGCA.

Our offices are now closed.

If you need emergency animal assistance...

That would have been a good idea, but they're closed now.

Pendejo.

Pendejo is stupid.

Pendejo, Duibo.

Cabrón.

Está bien.

Gone down, gone down.

Babylon, tron, gone down.

I love this song, man.

I used to smoke marijuana cigarettes to this.

I like the beat that they did.

It is, like, really raw beat, man.

When you listen to that, you know, really good.

And they had phones that were, like, on Kickstarter.

Yeah.

It's pretty cool compared to, like, the other versions.

Sounds like every other Bob Marley beat I've ever heard, but cool, man.

Not at all.

Speaking of marijuana cigarettes, they're legal up here in my state now, recreationally.

Where's that, Oregon?

Washington.

Washington?

Yeah.

Have you been recreating?

You can legally possess up to one ounce for recreational purposes.

Well, are you recreating?

I haven't made this moment.

Oh, yeah.

You know, I heard Oregon's pretty liberal with their weed laws,

laws but then now they're talking about they're going to make cigarettes uh prescription only i

heard they're well they got legislation in the pipe these guys are jockeying for money man they're

trying to fucking jack open the laws originally started this whole thing and then they're saying

another thing they're talking bullshit man i think it's gonna end up getting thrown out

that'll get thrown out you can't you think the cigarette cigarette companies don't have enough

of pockets to make that not happen they won't get that one and then we just gonna you know

sooner or later they're gonna on the day what i heard last time the government policy is

instead of like moving off the schedule it's just something they're just not going to enforce

yeah man in other words they can do with it if that's who added to the this time trouble for

Oh, man, he's got the coke and, you know, 300 kilos of marijuana.

I don't know.

Marijuana cigarettes.

Yeah, man, I'm waiting for the day where I can just buy cigarettes in a pack like you can in Amsterdam.

Thank you.

Marijuana cigarettes.

Now, up here in Washington, right now they're trying to work out what the laws will be in about a year.

So people will be able to buy licenses to grow it.

People will be able to buy licenses to sell it.

And they're basically going to have to go to stores.

stores yeah man can you imagine getting a lottery that is the one those will be worth some money

whoever gets the lotteries because the first thing they try to do is control the yeah prices get a

lot bigger and shit so you're the first to get on we're going to be in the ground floor yeah man

the early adopters like us here on madhouse well now there's all these um guys that used to

illegally grow weed for 30 years that are now coming public and talking about how they're

They're going to be opening up their own businesses and their legal operations.

Lysol is going to do that, yeah.

Definitely.

Yeah, man.

Yeah, hey, you know what?

Do you think a marijuana enema would work?

Think about it.

I think it would.

Damn, butt chug a joint?

Yeah, man, marijuana enema?

Holy shit.

You wouldn't get any bad help?

I think that's what Michael Jackson was doing, man, before he took that fatal dose.

Think about it.

You wouldn't have to worry about...

It would be better than vaping, you know?

That would be better than a tea enema.

figure wine uh wine enemas are i hear great things about that but marijuana enema i'd be all over

i hear that you can die any type of alcohol you can die from and yeah he absorbs it straight away

yeah like if yeah like if you did a whole bottle of wine you're pretty much dead oh you're dead

why don't we take that much it's just a little bit yeah much more less than you think and the

thing is they can't even be in buffer just going straight to the bloodstream yeah because the thing

is like now like if you drink if you have alcohol poison and they can just pump your stomach but

i don't think it works like that with a wine enema or an alcohol enema i don't think that was on

actually that was on what a thousand ways to die on spike tv you ever watch that no that sounds like

a fun show the thousand ways to die yeah i've seen that six million dies the way choose one

six million ways that i choose one um another yeah another thing you know that wasn't there

wasn't there a thing going on where kids were doing vodka shots in their eyeballs jesus

yeah it's uh because you get drunk faster but and it doesn't get on your breath i guess but

you you're still you can still do the breathalyzer and you'll still blow positive you know you'll

blow that because it's what it's the it's what's in your blood that gets red it's something like

the alcohol in your breath technically it's you know when you exhale there's little amounts of

blood that come out or something i don't know that's how it works because you know you've got

that air exchange between the blood and the cap in the in the air sacs and your lungs and all that

that's where the alcohol comes from not from technically what you're drinking and stuff

doesn't work like that so it's it they were saying you know kids that are doing it so and

they think they can get pulled over drunk and you know they you won't you know you won't you know

you'll get a breathalyzer and it won't come up you know you'll pass it even if you're drunk off

off your ass doesn't work like that still comes through on the breathalyzer it's what's in your

blood system so don't be stupid kids don't do that because they said a lot some kids are going

blind some permanently some temporarily some even some kids have gone blind permanently because of

that shit i wouldn't want to do that shit that sounds really painful too alcohol man i heard

about these kids man and they were they were wearing furry mittens and they started going

blind too they were wearing they were in our chat i saw a few of them monkeys in our chat earlier

man so if you want to meet them stop by the chat i think they're still available that's racist hey

here's this is los angeles let's listen to that hello hey there hi hi there that's good yeah this

is the clothing place the socks place uh no you got the wrong number who is this um this is the

wrong number i know this is real quick the cool thing about this is this really was a wrong number

was a misstyle on my part this is back when i had to hand punch the numbers in on the phone

So it's one of those things that had I not made a mistake just exactly like I did,

it wouldn't have been such a rarity prank call.

That's the same type as the original Pasquale.

Yeah, yeah.

The first prank we ever did here was in this style, and it was really good.

Don't give me that.

Don't give me that, all right?

This is the clothing store.

I left my wallet there.

You're making up so you don't give me my wallet back.

Give me my wallet back now.

Hold on.

Who is this?

I left my freaking wallet there, and now you people.

What are you talking about?

I left my freaking wallet there.

You people don't want to give it back.

Who the fuck is this?

This is Valente.

You took my wallet.

I left it there.

You don't want to give it back.

When I get through, I'm going to make a lawsuit on you, buddy.

Okay.

Hey, hey, hey.

You just reached the residential place.

So who the fuck are you trying to call?

Bullshit.

Two minutes ago, I was talking to you and you said,

Oh, yeah, come in.

Come in and get your wallet.

Hey, bro, bro, bro.

Send me to the wrong house, man.

This is a fucking house.

You're a fucking...

No, no, no.

Hold on, hold on.

You fucking little shit, don't you fucking talk to me on that you little you where are you?

Where are you? I'm going to fucking fuck you up, dude. Where are you?

Fuck you, you fucking shit. Give me my wallet back, you asshole.

No, no, I don't give a fuck about your wallet, bro.

I'm telling you, you got the fucking wrong number.

Get your shit straight, bro.

You want to meet me somewhere?

Yeah, you want to fight? You want to have a fight?

Where are you going to be at? Where are you going to be at, bitch?

Well, you tell me where, you know, and I'll show up.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. I'm going to fuck this motherfucker up, man.

I'm telling you, you got the wrong fucking number.

This is a house. Who the fuck are you trying to reach?

You fucking monkey, stupid, dirty shit.

You know what?

Hey, hey, hey.

Let me talk to her.

Hold on a minute.

I'm going to fuck this guy.

Hey, hey.

I'm going to kick your ass so good, I'm going to laugh.

I'll give you your wallet.

I'll shove it up your ass, dude.

Where are you?

Is that your girl that I was talking to?

I'm telling you, man, this is a fucking house.

What the fuck are you trying to reach?

When I beat you up, I'm going to do your girl in front of you.

You know what?

I'm going to fuck you up first, bitch.

Do you have mother?

Tell me where you are, man.

I'm going to meet you over there.

How many fathers do you have?

Give her the phone.

I want to talk to your girl.

You know what?

Go fuck your mother, bitch, all right?

I'm going to kick your ass.

It's me.

Nah, I want to fight.

That's it.

All right.

There you go.

That was This is Los Angeles.

That's the first part of This is Los Angeles.

I love how she goes, no, this is the wrong number.

No.

It's a little cutsy.

I think at the end of that call, didn't she end up getting mad at him for being so angry about it?

She's like, why are you so mad at him?

He's just a kid.

oh man all right here's a request a prank from lost in bronx for mr tush tell mr tush that you

want to massage his wife's ass i think he knows her because her her wife's his wife's name is

a late eledia eledia okay cool alabia alabia all right cool ken when did you send your request a

prank because i'm looking for a quest of pranks from two hours and i haven't hit yours yet man

what's going on i well i sent mine probably i don't know probably six or seven hours ago

man all right we'll get to that then no rush i'm doing good this is like i work night shifts

so right now it's like this is like uh the middle of the day for me in my normal schedule

these days i'm just about used to third shift life again man oh i got a problem at work i

wanted to run by you guys because i don't know what to do we'll do yeah hi is this aladia

alabia hi alabia the alabia tush right yeah oh is mr tush there because i was just to talk to

to him about you who is this oh this is cross i was just to talk to your husband about you

i'm private hello do you know what time it is yeah i know alabia um your husband was he said

he was going to get some things of yours to give to me privately like your underwear and stuff oh

she hung up she doesn't like that i call her alabia um her name was alabia for real aledia

aledia yeah aledia aledia i was saying alabia you know what alabia is right um bass you know

what that is oh yeah you ever seen the one yeah oh i i've got a couple of kids so i think i've

seen one or two uh well there are two labia it is a labia majora bass and labia labia menorah

is in there too inside you know oh my god there might be another one in there too

too, some women have.

Don't be getting lippy, punk.

Every woman is different down there.

Make a note.

Well, thanks for the educational

lesson there.

There you go. Cool, man.

And the G-spot is found on the side, right?

I've heard that on another show before.

Isn't the G-spot in the ass, according to the KDK?

What did he say?

Well, I guess there is that.

Or is that the G-A-Y-spot?

I don't know.

G-A-Y-spot.

yeah that was good ga y spot that's what guys have the ga y spot death fox speaking of the ga y spot

hey i heard you i haven't called in in a while i thought i'd call in another ga y spot that guy

that was really going along with it there with the jeff regal call man and he was another one

man so death fox is finally awake so death fox did you feed your dog chocolate what i'm sorry

that's horrible no i took some of that kratom stuff today and it fucking made me knock my ass

out are you on that shit too man that's been no i quit everything i quit i quit drinking quit

everything but it's natural and i was told it wouldn't hurt me it didn't it just made me sleep

you know that no the the kratom stuff has been going around pla a lot of people been doing those

the phone losers that's that's that they got me to do yeah dude that's that's like the pla drug

of choice man uh that's not a drug it's natural whatever i'm not touching that shit it sounds

scary create them crowd them you want to be honest it feels it feels like oxycontin really

yeah well i heard it's really good for diabetics so it's got some positive uh effects for type one

and type two diabetics so i took i took two i took two tablespoons of it and i i felt like i was on

on like four oxycontin for like five hours wow shit did you drink oh you're not drinking anymore

so you didn't mix okay i got yeah i'm not drinking anymore i'm not i'm on a diet all i drink is water

and unsweet tea i've already lost 15 pounds dude no offense i know you're trying but don't drink

the tea man because that's going to give you kidney stones man just drink my tea man i'm

southern true all right yeah but them stones man they'll fuck you up they'll fuck you up

southern guys can die too man don't do southern guys can die too don't speed it up bro all right

we just got you back all right lost in bronx also sent in a number for mrs grump uh mrs grump has a

husband named james and he recommends we ask about horse masturbation i don't know why that's an

inside joke there sounds like a hoot i'm all about horse masturbate not that i do that but i think

it's a funny thing horse masturbation i mean what's not funny about that i know well you guys

are horsing around that's not funny for the horse they don't like it they just play along because

they're scared man's blowing bubbles over there again bubbles is the name of his horse so no

answer there sorry i lost a bronx but we got your for your other one to work that was cool

um here's ken's number pretty sure this craigslist ad is someone sending someone up you have to read

the ad or as you said read the ad okay sex doll this is the one you talked about used but still

good and it's got a very scary picture of a sex doll i don't know how anybody would be able to

get horny off of a sex doll because it looks like they're just scared the whole time can i say it

i'll do it yeah sure man let me see the picture of it first yeah let me post that i'll post that

here for you real quick here's a linky link in the skype chat there for you sir i'll read this

We got a broken blow-up sex doll with an air hole in the butt part.

Oh, my God.

Caucasian male with a mustache.

Used frequently, but am upgrading to an African-American male.

I will provide two free patches to fix it.

I think this is a troll.

Yeah, but this guy's funny, though.

Comes with heated and vibrating butt and mouth holes.

The mouth hole has quit vibrating, but it still gets warm.

All right.

right that's getting 250 but we'll trade 420 or anything else milkman there you go

marijuana gather up some marijuana cigarettes all right i think that's the guy that's looking

for the sex for roommates man he's trolling that's burglar again man jeff

oh man look at you see the picture of the guy one that's got like a hairy chest you see that

the fuck that's a furry that's a furry for you all right are you ready one of them suits now

tell this guy about that because it's just awkward but i'm gonna try all right death

fox here you go okay okay let me get to the number here and where is this this is in fairfield

california there you go all right i think that's that's north that's southern california i think

fairfield is right i don't know no that's northern i think that's real close here man

You know he's getting set up because he says, call any time, even late.

Even late, yeah.

You know, then what I noticed, the more north in California you go, the less Hispanic-sounding the cities are.

Oh, no, man, really?

Yeah, think about it.

You go San Francisco, oh, there you go.

I guess I'm wrong.

Oakland.

Oakland isn't a Spanish name, and Berkeley isn't Spanish.

Spanish, but then...

Where's all them barrios and stuff in California?

Everywhere, man.

Where are the things in Southern California for Spanish shit, man?

Barrios.

You got all the...

You know, Filipinos are down there.

That reminds me.

They got the special elite hotels they use.

There was an article today about Compton that apparently the Latino gangs are starting to run the black gangs out of Compton.

The Latin Kings and stuff?

Yeah, and the M.S. Trece.

say they're starting to target and threaten black gangs and black families and they've i think it's

something like i think i think like 70 percent of compton is hispanic now and only 30 percent is

black um it's been like a big shift in the last honestly dude no honestly you know you're making

some sense because man when i went down there to those um food for lessons man that's all i saw

was mexicans dude and like guadalajara and shit man they were all south you know all middle

americans man yeah man you need to start selling some bandanas you'll make a killing hell yeah

i don't want to get killed man because i got the wrong collar

selling bandanas and those hoodies

hell no i got a black i'm neutral man no no mexicans don't wear d-rags they wear hoodies

like little beanies beanies that's it beanies man i ain't wearing nothing yeah i ain't picking

and no collars man i'm not in this neighborhood man this is norcal dude it's where it all started

at bro yeah man that's true norcal was gang city first it exported to other yeah started in oakland

the bloods and the cribs both started in oakland yeah man very closely i know some of the people

man actually even man like santana's cruise some of them people man guys i worked with old timers

yeah they're like oh yeah well i i knew one of the original latin kings and he's like in his 50s now

i knew him personally and he told me like when they started he said they were just a social club

that they just got together for protection from white people that were beating them up all the

time he said he had a documentary didn't he no this guy he worked at a grocery store with me

but he might know those other cats but he told me he yeah he told me like he said that they

weren't gangs they never fought i mean they were getting into fist fights you know sometimes but

they were just you know they played dominoes together and go to church and they just said

yeah we're the latin kings you know and you know they had to do something because they kept getting

beat up by beaten up by the irish and stuff in chicago if you watch that show gang gangland on

spike tv they fucking cover all that shit it's pretty interesting yeah yeah there you go all

right uh here's the blow-up doll for death fox here you go man okay do some kratom with that

get your dick wet hi see if you can get a price break on it death fox yeah there you go there

There you go, man.

Put it out of its misery.

Enigma's here.

Enigma, make sure you got the headphones on the right.

On the right side of your ear.

I can hear you.

Seriously, why don't you get that checked out, man, all right?

I will.

Go see an ENT.

Hello?

Yeah, I was calling about this sex doll.

The use of it's still a good one?

No, we bought it already, Spike.

They bought it already.

Somebody posted somebody's number up there with that picture.

You know, you'll make them a deal on it, man.

All from half price, you know.

No, what happened is somebody posted somebody's number up there, but that's what it was.

Yeah, and they're interested in renting it to you.

No, I was going to say something like, I'm really big and I don't have a girlfriend.

You think if I blow it up, could I put it in my passenger seat and ride around with it?

You get the carpool, man.

You think you got 30 minutes here, Manny?

Hello?

Hello, yes, I was calling about that sex, though.

I really need it, man.

man. I don't have a girlfriend. I'm

really big, and I really

want to ride in a carpool lane.

And they said I'm almost big enough to ride in a carpool

lane by myself, but I just need

at least one more person. I'll make

you a deal, dude. I'll

give you $200 right now, cash.

Adam. Adam. How'd you

know? Who's this? Adam.

Fuck. I couldn't figure

it. I love it. I always

love it when we do pranks, and they think

I'm somebody, and I go along with it.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I don't know.

Yeah, that's what I do.

I remember, do you remember when you called that chicken place and you're talking about

a black girl and she kept saying, is this Stanley?

Is this Stanley?

And she goes, where's Harry?

And you told him, oh, Harry's over here whacking off.

That was hilarious.

I know there was, I called Fuddruckers also once and I had like a five minute conversation

with the chick and at the end she's like, is this, I forget who she thought I was.

And I was like, yeah.

And I said, I was really into her and all this stuff and we need to hook up and all

all that shit and she's like no what do you mean like you like she got yeah i thought she was gay

and then there and then there was a fudge record and then there was a the the who's that guy who's

the the infomercial guy billy what was his name billy mays and then i i prank called the neighbor

uh the first time the big argument then the second time i called yeah it was just a chick

and and i did this weird thing and at the end she thought i was really like her friend

and i was like yeah we need to hook up and she was almost kind of thinking about it like she

kind of wanted to she was yeah she's like yeah well your boy your girlfriend's you know your

wife is gonna be like what's up and who's that one that went to jail and um then after he went

to jail he did the commercial says i might have went to jail he did this one commercial for some

kind of mob and he said i might have went to jail but i'm talking about i don't talk about

yeah he got his tongue bit off by the shamwell yeah but then he did a commercial and he was

bragging about going to jail and the still and everything did he come out did he get out of jail

and all that i remember um that prostitute bit his tongue off right yeah she bit his tongue off

fuck and he did another commercial though somebody else hired him and he and he was bragging on that

commercial that he said i might have gotten in trouble but i still know good products and it

was hilarious that's cool though he's got street cred you know nothing wrong with that he's making

the best out of it that's that's that's that's good he's a smart guy you know there you go you

know who i haven't heard about again a long time i remember the dell guy dell the dell dude he went

to jail he got in trouble for pot possession and stuff i don't remember the dell dude you remember

like dude you're getting a dell like for oh back in the in the early 2000s he was all over the

place dude you're getting a dell anyway i miss those apple versus pc commercials they were kind

kind of fun that guy um the pc guy is really funny he's on um he he makes appearances on on

uh the twit network a lot um uh he's actually really funny guys they're pretty good pretty

good uh comedian um yeah yeah twit um he does movies too does he yeah yeah he's got a weird

mustache though throws me off he's got like this handlebar mustache anyway pedophile mustache is

one of those yeah yeah all right um ken sent in another number here for uh glenn sounds like

another setup this is another sex doll blow up doll need yeah another one in topanga blow up

doll needed for a scene in legit film use is okay just getting used as a prop but needs to inflate

will not be having sex with it so don't get jealous call glenn all right so glenn is looking

for a blow-up doll for a movie scene there you go you want to do this one too death fox

i'll let you take i'll let you take this and i don't i couldn't even hardly think what's

saying that last one i'll do it i'll do another call though all right cool let's see tell

them if you don't take the blow-up doll if you could do a stand-in for the blow-up doll

you could make a boy meets world joke to ping had some nice tits man oh my god big natural

tits whatever happened to that act what happened to that girl hi this is glenn i'm not available

leave your number and i'll call you back i'm making a movie

or south african look up see what happened that's a banger girl i wonder if she's been

naked yet in a movie yeah she's pretty hot oh my god what was that

because i was the same age as her when those when that show was that i was the same age

she was like semi-naked and slutty and dorm days i believe it was was she oh my god i thought about

about you i thought about her when you said lives in topanga yeah uh i'd live in topanga

is her name betsy randall let's see it sounds like it no her i'm looking at the cast boy meets

world the the cast of boy meets world yeah i don't think it was her toe she had to be the co-host

she was in there so much it's danielle official yep danielle official all right let's see here

danielle official she earned a degree in psychology oh she's smart too nice man she's 31

she's two years younger than me she looks really different though does she oh man yeah oh gosh

google her shit i gotta look now i gotta google it now let's see what movie she's been in here

long shot national lampoon's dorm days as you were talking about that's the one i'm talking

dorm days she looks really slutty in that movie she was in dorm days too also and she hasn't been

in much a movie called game box and another one called the chosen one that's it not much here

she wasn't good and yeah and another there's a tv show called girl meets world that she's in

what's that never heard of that was on the abc family network or something nobody watches that

network disney channel yeah that's what a disney channel i knew it was something like that well

it's an eight yeah it was an abc thing i guess disney has it oh dude by the way i wanted to

mention the news that came out on thursday and i called this years ago there was a show with me and

tuck talking about star wars and i i was saying how awesome it would be if how awesome it would

Would have been if George Lucas would have let other people direct some of those prequel movies, including J.J. Abrams.

I said that specifically.

I said, how awesome would it be if J.J. Abrams had a shot at directing a Star Wars movie?

And sure enough, the Star Wars Episode 7 is coming out in 2015.

And Disney announced that J.J. Abrams is going to be directing it.

I'm really excited about that.

That's going to be freaking awesome.

I'm very.

And I called that.

i called that back in like 2009 and i've actually mentioned it a few times and i'm really excited

about that see what jj abrams is going to do with the star wars movie what if they cast all disney

teen stars as a cast oh god they're not gonna do that disney teen what i carly montana is princess

i carly oh fuck man yeah dude yeah i was i was with my nephews man they're like six and four

i was helping babysit them we're watching disney and some show came on about it was like a fucking

some alien kid and he's gay or something the fuck was that about it's like this really flamboyant

gay guy it's like a gay version of mork and mindy i'm like what the fuck is this he's obviously

on disney yeah on the disney channels it's on saturdays and it's like yeah this guy was like

super he's like really really gay he's like so obviously like flight and flaming gay

on a family show and i was like oh my god that's all my need that's all my nieces and if you watch

i mean they don't they don't watch they watch disney and nickelodeon when they come up here

i've watched no shows with them i'm like what is this it's like it's so retarded and they have

laughed over soundtracks none of it's funny none of it's funny exactly i had my microphone

muted when he talked about jj abrams directing the episode seven i think that's gonna be awesome

i can't wait to see that yeah because i think you did a good job with that star trek movie the next

one's coming out here in a few months uh i really like that the 2009 star trek i'm a star trek fan

and a star wars fan you know i think there might have been an episode of will and grace

will and grace no no seriously it was it's a a kid who's an alien and he took the form of a kid

but he's really gay i don't know man sounds like a rapist something like that i don't know it's

the fucking the gay jewish agenda man you know we've talked about this before exposing that

that that stuff like that and you know frank and the zionist fucking bullshit the hair bands from

the from the 80s like poison and scorpion and all that you know sometimes not scorpion

scorpions are awesome scorpions awesome they're not no fucking hair band dude

them little fuckers

they weren't

they were hard out

I don't know

who were they

they might have

gone through like

a three year period

where they were

kind of big hair band

type but

yeah

who were they

they never did man

they never had

no big hair

oh

yeah

who were the

but you know

you're right on

the other ones

you poison

you know

who are

I'm wrong

I'm just kidding

you know who

some real

night stranger

Metallica

was in a hair band

might as well be

yeah you know what hey you know what they cut their balls off when they cut their hair man

that was the last time man the burden the last good metallica cd was i think for me was um

loaded loaded i don't know the good the last i saw them motherfuckers right and they cut their

hair i also saw them at justice for all and i met all them motherfuckers and man they suck man

when they cut their hair, dude.

Trust me, man.

I was at Lollapalooza show

and they really sucked.

I could give a shit for them

after they banned me from Napster.

Fuck all of them assholes.

You know, I got banned too.

And I downloaded one Metallica song

and it happened to be that weekend

where they were logging.

And so I got banned.

And it was a song from an album that I had

but I just couldn't find it.

Yeah, that was bullshit.

So I paid for it.

There was a script you could download

and clear your shit out anyway.

It wasn't a big deal.

but uh fuck that man that was lars asshole um but the the last metallica album i like was the

one in that came out 92 the one that had uh unforgiven the first version of unforgiven

that's a badass song the garage one uh i don't know and it had nothing really it was either

load or reloaded yeah yeah that's what i said load was the last good album no that was the

black album which is the one that had nothing nothing really nothing really matters yeah that

That one, yeah, that's a badass song.

Milkman.

That one guy and all that on there.

Do you know how to play Nothing Really Matters?

When your finger's fixed again, you've got to play that for us on the air.

Nothing Really Matters, that's one of my favorite guitar pieces.

Oh, yeah, those licks there, man.

Those are seminal licks, man.

Yeah, that could be played, man.

Semen licks.

Oh, thank you.

When I was 15, I was learning to play guitar,

and I can play like three seconds of an Eagles song for you one day.

All right, of an Eagles song?

hotel california that's the only song i know of the eagles it ain't even that it's some off

it's when i was all friend when nobody knows but it's all i learned then i quit that's another good

guitar riff is uh hotel california the beginning of that you know that's awesome yeah yeah that

guy that cat well he was on the howard stern show he was talking about how they came up with the

song they wrote it when they're all hanging out at some beach house yeah that guy yeah he was he

was a pretty good he had a pretty good interview he played an acoustic version there in the howard

Howard's studio is really good yeah Don Felder can jam man he he was raw dude and they cut him

out the Eagles screwed him man but uh he did win a case against them but you know they screwed him

really after that you know he's not an include on any shows or anything anymore basically once

they screwed him they bought his they bought his part out all right cool you probably don't want to

do it but I got a hotel with unlimited switchboard right on the on the front you just hit the room

room numbers and it just goes on a loop even when it's ringing if nobody's answering you just hit

three numbers yeah we'll post it did you post it i've messed with so many people in there and

recorded it oh you did that in one of your shows recently right you're doing the hotel thing

yeah but um every day new if the the lady at the front desk we called was like we're in room blah

blah blah she says what do you want me to do they just prank calls she don't care yeah that's cool

she's game yeah i'll give you the number that's just right when you call it all you got um the

The rooms start at 101 and go up to 149, and it goes all the way like that until 435.

Hey, who's that prank caller who was on with you on that show you put on YouTube earlier in the week?

Prank Session Radio.

If I ever do a show, he's going to do it with me.

He's really good at doing a black voice.

Dozer?

Dozer.

Yeah, he's cool.

Dozer, yeah.

He seems like a cool dude.

Yeah, anyway, we got a call.

Ken sent another request to prank here.

we got a guy who he wants the way he wants to barter he has fixed knives he wants to barter

for someone to do an easy tattoo an easy tattoo what's that mean what's an easy tattoo i don't

know it's just just a letter hey tell it tell him you'll barter but all your all your tattoos

are pictures of penises all right cool man ken whatever you say you'll barter for crack

can you can't you can only tattoo while on crack so wait he he wants to trade knives for a tattoo

all right cool whatever good luck with it enjoy this verizon ring back on while your party is

reached oh hey you're what you want to trade some knives for a tattoo oh yeah oh what you said an

easy tattoo uh this is this is rex you have so you want me to do an easy tattoo on you

I have a tattoo that's on my arm. I want to color it in.

Yeah, I want it like red, red, and blue in the lettering.

I think it'll be easier.

If you want to, I'll get somebody else that wants to do it.

Nah, nah, nah, it's alright.

ass because you're easier easy little slut girl right did he say did he say easy e i don't know

man the rapper yeah the black rapper i kind of heard that did you say the black rapper death

fox is that a yeah for you you didn't know that's a big no i just found out five minutes ago i

googled him easy eric right man yeah no he was epic rapping he got a a's i don't know yeah he's

he's a rap legend man dude easy he's the fucking man you know you're fucking a lot of girls when

you die from AIDS as a rapper well he he came out you know what it was they used to say that he he

he hated using he never used condoms actually another Howard Stern story he was on a Howard

Stern show once and he said I don't use condoms and and like Howard was like are you afraid of

getting AIDS like nah I'm always I'm always a girls who look clean sure enough that was his

quote he said that just like that sure enough the guy died of hiv man uh yeah it's supposed to be

coming out a documentary with him i think his daughter's playing him or something like that

or was his daughter's playing him his daughter's playing they're not not playing him sorry she's

gonna have a part in it i think uh he was a short dude well he had his voice was like that he was

kind of he had that cool voice like yeah man like he talked like that kind of you know no he was

was amazing he was an amazing rapper oh my god yeah he's very he's a very underrated rapper like

you don't ever hear not not many people talking about him so i hope that documentary comes out

i hope he gets some some play you know because he you know you could talk about dr drain all that

but he he was the originator of gangster rap easy man there would not have been anything like that

if it wasn't for e man didn't chris rock make that movie it wasn't chris rock yeah so block

movie it was basically cb4 yeah cb4 yeah yeah he was everything he was mc gusto yeah and that

actually had uh charlie murphy was in that movie he did a really good job in that movie too charlie

murphy's really funny he needs to do more stuff yeah but i heard charlie murphy he he tried to

break in last year into uh stand up and he really sucked apparently and he was like yelling at at

people and and i think he did he didn't he get paid and walked out without doing any jokes or

or something he got there was a big controversy like that but he was getting heckled he didn't

know how to handle it it's hilarious on chappelle show yeah yeah yeah easy man yeah

you don't get enough props for what he should be getting no he doesn't man

man easy dude that's yeah it's totally man you got me having that six four song in my head and

i look what you did the six four rolling on my six four boys in the hood early boys in the hood

are always hard come talk in that trash pull your car fuck me boy because i didn't say shit

hey yo man you remember that shit easy did a while back motherfucker said wasn't gonna work

yeah that was she did i thought that was she i was like damn easy hey man we should come off

the piano for a minute, man, and bust this crazy

shit. That's Dre. That's the

Dr. Dre. You heard him?

That sounds like

Jay Battle right there.

Jay Battle.

It was actually his

son, Little

Easy E, that was going to play it.

In my six-foot.

Wow.

Wow, check it out, Nunu's, man, Nunu's rockin', man, he's into it.

Yeah, quote, shootin' some hoop, that's a badass song.

This, this here's my favorite Eazy-E song of all time, man, right here, it's still a nigga.

It's got a badass beat, listen to this.

Yeah, I love it.

Sick-ass G.

Don't concern me if it don't pertain to money or enough.

But then again, to a few of my friends, nine times out of ten, by the end, this is game.

Skip the time like a rabbit.

Rapping is my whole soul.

Busting hoes is my habit.

I know all of these.

But what was different back then about music now?

They tell a story then.

They don't tell stories now.

They just go, oh, yeah.

Now it's all about I got this.

I got this.

I got that.

That's all it is about now.

I got money.

money money money money money back then he's like yo man i gotta shoot money and drugs money

and drugs money drug money back then it was about money and drugs but also about you know i shot

someone and i fucked your girl and you know i ain't gonna lie i like kid cuddy you can kid

nunu just shit his pants man yeah nunu's having a fit yeah he's going he needs a defense change

uh orderly this is now the kdk man are you around

all right let's do pranks for nunu all right get him on the webcam

yeah all right somebody propping him up there man y'all ever heard your new new soundboard

prank she's got hosted he's gonna call in hey he just said he's gonna call in

he's gonna do a show with soundboards only you won't ever hear him he's got like he's got like

He's going to talk about the computer voice

like anonymous videos.

You know, that's going to be the whole thing.

It's just a black shadow, man.

It's going to be him and the guy

fox-masked the whole time.

Alright, we've got another

barter here for the ceramic horse heads.

It wouldn't work, man.

Link it to me and let me read it.

Alright, ceramic horse heads.

I'm going to paste the whole thing from Ken

that he sent on the form.

him okay here for you and we still got uk calls to do maybe that'll make uh uh mr new new happy

let me while you yeah yeah yeah i'd like to do it we'll slide back in if uh yeah we do wake up

calls that might show him up this one i got this one it's grouchy at times all right so what is

this guy wants to uh he's looking to sell or trade he has the horse heads or he want oh we need

need one of these to do they got two he won't say he wants to sell him or um he wants to sell

him or trade him for something oh all right i don't know what you do with that it says it got

two asses there you go it's like the cat with two faces like no that's not it no continue the theme

a little extrapolation here you go here you go death fox okay you knew you're gonna get kicked

out of the chat room because hey how you doing sir um i was calling about the horse head oh yeah

um is there like the horse head is it like is it solid or is there like a place

like you could put something inside of it or your head inside of it uh no it's solid it's solid like

um where'd you get it i'm just wondering no i got it from uh deceased guy he used to live with my

Like, when he moved out, he left a lot of stuff here.

I'm doing a right now, Father.

And I was wondering if I could borrow it for, like, maybe, like, a year.

No.

Come on, man.

I'll give you a dollar.

Too bad.

No.

I want to come get it.

Why not?

Yeah, you are.

Please.

What do you want to trade for it?

That's funny.

He's like, no, no.

Yeah, I am.

I'm a...

That guy sounds like you.

No, I had a joke going.

I had something.

I hadn't planned if it was...

It looked like it had a hole in it.

i was gonna say i wanted my girl to put it on her head so i could fuck her like a whore

kind of like the godfather thing to put the survival course in the bed a bunch of fake

blood around it yeah but then i that all i could think of was like the reenactment of godfather

i think death fox needs to talk to faizan faizan we'll try it might be too late we'll try

what time is it over there milkman it's like uh 12 right i don't think they're gonna be open

oh well we got the house saturday they may be closing late dude it's only a quarter after 11

man you may be able to just actually slide in at this time oh i'll stay in but if you look at the

picture of it it looks like it's just a mask and yeah that's not ceramic who's this uh well it's

the restaurant i don't think they're gonna open are they great they're turkish you know turkish

horse oh excuse me they like the greek style too they don't like greeks actually don't say greek

i pasted that hotel for you right there it is all right i got it i'll do the dialing if you want

probably within five or six rooms you'll get somebody and they'll be mad now they're closed

guys sorry we tried what about charlie can you call charlie yeah cell phone sure let me talk to

him all right big charlie charlie murphy i like ceramic corsets i'm just like this is weird right

yeah well i i knew

when this as a matter of fact when this album came out i used to listen to it with my friend

and joelle and his mom his mom collected ceramic pigs and i went over to the house once and when

no one was looking i put all the pigs and like in like i put them all like so they were like

humping each other and i got in so much trouble because like she called my mom

i bought a ceramic pig and put it in a suit for some reason i just thought of that what okay just

Just put a suit on it.

That would look awesome.

A pig in a suit.

Couldn't you imagine that?

Yeah, it's called a cop, man.

Here's Charlie.

Charlie's cell phone.

This is for Baz.

Don't talk over Baz.

I mute when you do calls.

Six, four, and the fizzangs.

Shit is wicked on the street.

The wickedness will never cease.

Leave your message for 8083.

808, nigga.

All right, we'll try them again.

Oh, man.

We've been calling Charlie for, what, four years now, I think?

He is a bit of a...

If I ever go to Honolulu, I have to go to his place, man.

I got to see the guy in person.

I don't know.

I don't want to.

He didn't recognize you?

I won't talk.

Your voice?

Shit, my food.

Honolulu.

Please leave your message.

Oh, man.

All right, we'll try the restaurant then.

Try the hog's head.

Yeah, this thing got to still be open.

It's only, what, about 8, 16 there?

Yeah.

Hello?

Yes.

It's Charlie?

May I speak with Charlie, please?

Charlie is not here today.

Where is he?

Another Charlie is here.

But another chat is not working today.

Oh, okay.

Hey, I have a question for you.

Can I make a special request?

No, she's gone.

We want to talk to Charlie.

I was going to tell her that I just bought a cat with two faces,

and I was going to see if they could cook it.

You didn't cut her, man.

She said another Charlie was working.

You should ask for that.

All right, here I am, man.

Let's get another Charlie.

Yeah, let's call back and ask for the other Charlie.

He'll join into the madhouse.

Yeah, Baz, ask for another Charlie.

You should call him Charlie No. 2. Can I speak to Charlie No. 2?

Charlie Jr.

Charles Jr.

Hello?

What happened? Why'd you hang up on me?

Hello?

Can I speak to the other Charlie? You said there was another Charlie working there?

Other Charlie is not, not, not, not, no more time now.

Who is calling you on this new message?

You said he's got no more tongue?

Huh?

What happened? Did, did somebody bite it off?

Uh, Charlie, another Charlie no more time talk to you.

so he's okay well can i can i ask you a question i have a question about yes yes um do you do

special order food special order yeah what would you like it okay well i just i was on craigslist

and i made a deal i bartered some 420 for a cat with two faces i was wondering if i bought a cat

with two faces can you cook cat with two faces for me oh you can cook yourself we not cook this

Why?

We just cook like a duck, chicken, or beef. We are not cook this kind.

It's legal. I bought it.

Oh, you just cook yourself.

No, no, no. I do not do this one.

Why?

No, why? Not why?

I'll kill it for you. It's already dead.

All you have to do is just cook it.

I'll even skin it and clean it for you.

Can you make chow mein? Cat chow mein?

We'll take the shit out of it.

Hello?

We only cook a duck.

what else you can't um real quick i just want y'all to know bookapoo's banned by me because

he was on my real facebook what and he was creeping on my family oh bookapoo man come

he's a weird dude man oh wow keep him out he's he starts he's got problems that guy

he's a creeper man and he went on prank week and posted my real name all over the place

so what the fuck really oh that's a fucking dildo man what the hell is all that man i mean come on

he is a dildo he keeps he's not he's not he's not of the brethren it seems he keeps creeping on

people all over the place and he's not of the brethren dude if he's turning people out dude

he's not of the brethren that's not good man yeah bookapoo come on man dude we we can turn our back

on him that's not cool bookapoo that's not nice you know he's no no you don't turn out a brother

no man you don't they broke the code not in the militia brother you gotta take on the whole crew

now you're in big trouble now remember bros before hoes i just wanted y'all to know why

i'm banning the non-stop oh shit i just z-line half the group oops that was wrong command let

me fix that he's z-lined a bunch of people he's in z-line damn i accidentally did a country code

z-line that was my bad

Check my life, son.

You're not even coming back to start back.

Dozer even?

Dude, isn't Dozer one of your boys?

Accidentally.

I was trying to ban his entire city, but I fixed it.

I just fixed it.

It's like you Z-lined him for no reason.

You Z-lined him.

That's funny as hell, man.

Wow.

Anyway, God, I had something big that I was going to talk about that I remembered.

We talked about Eazy-E.

I don't remember now.

There was something big that I was going to announce.

r.i.p this is why i want to fix the chat so i can get his real ip embedding yeah dude you gotta do

that we're gonna put we're getting rid of the mibit chat thing and uh we're gonna put in a

nice little widget so we got more control and that way we don't have that ad you know mibit

the mibit client has an ad in there and it screws stuff up um hey don't worry and when you give it

when you fix my access later tonight i'm gonna fix the timer clock so people quit complaining

and i'm going to change it so it says it shows saturday there you go much appreciated i need

the help yeah we'll get some stuff up there and all that nigma you did a good job with the

with the uh that too yeah and nick was the guy that did most of the design that you two can get

together and uh in case there's anything there you want to make sure that you don't break or

gets broken and then we can help you out yeah definitely man man man totally man yeah man

Boom.

Yeah, man.

All right.

Let me play a prank call here because we hit the time limit on the video here.

Any second now, we're going to hit it so that we don't lose.

We're going to do a part two of the video for YouTube.

So let me play a prank here real quick while I redo the video.

I've got to end it and start a new one.

I'm going to go take an upper decker.

All right.

Go do that, man.

Let me see what prank I can play here.

Let me see.

I'm going to zone two.

Zone two.

We haven't heard that in a while, I don't think.

You should let Dozer call on this show.

That dude's hilarious.

Big Dozer.

That's your boy.

He's Z-lined and he's never going to come back.

No, he's back.

All right, he's cool.

I mean, he's all right.

Good, good.

That's cool.

He seemed like a legit guy.

We should have him on here sometime.

Why make up lies?

All right.

You never creeped up on family.

That's why I deleted my personal Facebook.

That's fucked up, man.

Nah, that's not the brother.

That's not good.

You know, it's fucked up, Holmes.

No, seriously.

book but why man you know yeah why man that's not cool man yeah that's not cool anyway new topic

frank austell is a big show all right moving right along moving right along that's what he

wants us to do is keep talking about i don't know what you're talking about

deaf lady talking a blind lady like i said from carlito's man on thursday nights right

right here on syndicate radio dot tv syndicate radio let's get this in solo how you doing dear

she's asleep i'm sorry oh this is her old friend miriam miriam lay

well who am i speaking to dear this is her daughter oh what was your name i keep forgetting

Yeah, I got the Alzheimer's, dear.

Hattie.

I'm sorry, Fatty?

Hattie.

Oh, Hattie, like a hat you wear on your head?

Wait, hold on.

Let me turn the TV down, man.

What?

All right, Carlito, you pick it up from here, okay?

Carlito?

Yeah.

Yeah, man.

Hattie?

Yeah, Ethel Siller is coming on the phone.

Okay, hello?

Hello.

Hi, is this Ethel?

Actually, geez, well, I have a lady here that we found here outside of the steps of the church,

and she gave us her phone number for contact that we're off you know we can do the free cab ride

but she says the only person that really knows where she can i mean we've gone through her phone

records here and her phone you know the little phone book thing that you got the black little

phone thing that she's got in her purse uh-huh i gotta hear you know she's here next to me right

now she's i don't know she's diabetic or she's drunk you know nothing wrong with me and what's

what's your name

Miriam

is Ethel there

yes my mother's name is Ethel

alright well can we put Ethel

hold on

RBCP soundboard

was everything silent

because Zohar didn't know how to edit stuff

that's why

the broadcast is redone here

I'll shut this off

Ethel

Yes.

Ethel, I'm here with a...

I don't think this prank gets good until the end.

Let me skip to the end real quick.

If I remember correctly, this is like one of the first appearances of the White Devil here.

22, 27, what's the date?

I'll let you say that.

This is a good one.

It's 7-10.

11-10 a.m.?

Uh-huh.

Today.

You got the number on that receipt?

Yes.

Give me the number on the receipt.

Receipt number 235-001-931-5.

315.

9315.

9314.

forward no she don't know she does that did you make that as a kid did she make it an authorized

uh phone payment center don't listen to him he with the white devil ethel don't listen to him

don't give him your personal ethel oh lord well ethel ethel ethel this is marion can you hear me

there can we bring marion over i mean to get this i mean honestly she's either drunk diabetic and do

Do you have, like, any hard candy over there, do you think?

Hard candy.

Yeah.

He doesn't have any hard candy he has.

Hard candy.

Hello.

Yes, do you have any hard candy for Ethel?

Yes.

Okay, because she, I think this lady.

I need it.

Mary, I'm late.

I need it.

Did Donnie say?

Yeah, I'm confused.

The white devil's on the line somehow.

I don't understand how.

And this lady's supposed to have diabetic shock.

I'm not in shock.

I saw the white devil.

Who is on the phone?

That's her daughter?

My mother is blind and she is almost 90 years old.

If y'all come with this foolishness again, I will have the phone come.

She fucking finally realized that it was a fucking joke.

There you go.

Big Zolar.

Zolar Party Nation.

Zolar Vision.

Dude, you and Zolar did some epic pranks together.

Yeah, man.

Me and Zolar, we do a good job together.

You should call him.

He's on the air.

I think he's on the air or he was on the air earlier tonight.

He goes on Saturday nights, too.

I tried to tweet him and talk to him on Facebook.

He won't reply to anything.

Gotta add him on Skype.

He's a real busy guy, though, man.

Zohar's always been like that.

I mean, when he's ready to talk, he'll talk.

And if you fart around, he's back out and gone, man.

He's just like that.

Well, I got, like, Zohar, recently, Zohar wanted me to get on Battle Cam,

and he wanted me to join his show every once in a while.

I was doing it, but Prankmaster was getting mad about it.

I don't know for what.

and i was like dude like hey man yeah can we play the blue raft later man yeah he's out of

celebration sure but i told zoe i was like zoe look i mean i love you dude but like if if adam

erlander is gonna be on you know he's just a dickhead and i don't want to be associated with

him because he's a fucking asshole you know anyway uh yeah i mean i've got a daughter that's

getting close to teenage years i gotta you know you gotta be careful about dudes like that yeah

Yeah, man.

It'll be like Bookapoo creeping on you.

Make sure that she don't fall.

Fell right on it.

You know, we're talking all the time.

Dozer said he wasn't doing a call with you.

He said let me add him, too.

Yeah, well, Dozer, tell him to add this guy he's been using.

Here, I'll tag him in here.

I'll just tag him in here.

All right, bring him in.

I don't know if that works.

Down there in the scouts.

Just click it.

All right, let me add him.

Solar kicked me off the stream.

I forgot about that.

He kicked me off the stream?

well good all right doze can i is he ready for me to add him now or does he need some time

talking to him in private but yeah he's late dude we was on a show man he cut in on us

one time i forgot about that was there in the the wards of pcr whoops got started yeah

well uh tell me when it's okay dozer hit me up well dozer he's he just added me here so

he said let adam now he's ready all right let me get those adam erlander who added him

Are you talking about Milkman? Are you talking to yourself again?

Crazy old man.

I thought you said he's my Adam Erland.

I said, who the fuck added him?

Don't add him if you don't know who he is.

We're not talking about him. We're talking about someone else.

What's up, Madhouse?

Hey, Dozer. How you doing, man?

What's going on?

So what do we got here?

Can you send in another number for a one-bedroom house to share?

What the hell? Who has a one-bedroom house?

That's like a trailer.

He wants to share but says,

fuck you that you will sleep in the living room.

what he has a one bedroom house he wants to share but says fuck you that you will sleep

is that is that guy for real what is ken what'd you where'd you get this one from

was this really lost ken oh we do lose ken i'm here talking to ken he's not even here

um i don't know right one bedroom house to share i don't know this is legit but we'll try it you

should insist that uh you you'll do it but you need to share the bed yeah you want to do it in

your ghetto voice doeser yeah i'll take this one that'd be funny all right those are so here's a

a guy who says he wants to share a one-bedroom house okay okay this would be funny wow that guy

really worked out sorry about that that didn't work out we'll get more where that came from

um let's let me get back to lonesome's numbers we got a whole bunch of them we got a guy named

larry with a one-ton truck headed west to missouri and then back to idaho if you need something

hauled transported dogs cats four-door or looking for a ride can also pick up out east on a return

turn trip apparently okay hey is earth dog still around no i haven't heard from earth dog in years

man i haven't heard from that cat in years no i never heard too much

okay you're breaking up milkman yeah you're breaking up again milkman you got a case of

the breakups uh i thought we had english i thought i had lonesome had sent us some british

numbers let me look again where'd they go oh shit colin has an ad for a female hamster who needs

needs a home i'm just gonna hamster yeah let me i'm gonna drop in a few numbers here in the skype

chat real quick just so you guys can bring yourselves up to speed there's some rapid fire

calls here all right colin has an ad for a female hamster as i said springfield missouri 65806

that's it because i used to live there yeah missouri show me state oh that entire town

it's just a bunch of gothics i ain't gonna i know a lot of they have a gothic club every five feet

Nice.

I'd get with a goth chick, man, in a second.

I'd be all mean to her, too.

Burn cigarettes on her ass.

You want this dozer, female hamster, set up your alley?

I don't really have a premise for that, man.

I don't either.

I'm just going to be goofy.

All right.

That always works.

I'd probably go nowhere.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

You have a female hamster?

Yeah, that's for my son.

Oh, okay.

And so you're giving it away or you're selling it?

I have no idea what he's doing with it.

I don't think he could call back tomorrow.

our own oh well when you say it needs a home um i have a home for it it's in my ass like i like to

put hamsters in my ass and stuff like that would that work out is that good enough for you

we'll call tomorrow and do that again you gotta declaw it first

no and that that right there removes from the excitement don't it yeah man

Man, what are you talking about?

That's half the fun.

I learned that on South Park.

You got to declaw it.

We've got some Indian restaurants.

Here we go.

Let's order some banjood.

I've got an idea for the tandoori oven.

Tandoori oven?

What's your idea?

Well, something that they can make in the tandoori oven.

Okay.

All right.

Cool.

Well, if they have a tandoori oven, that's the whole question.

All right.

Here we go.

Here's the first one.

The handy Indian cuisine.

Let's try this.

do do do do do do do do do pow by the way i'm putting the numbers in there you can click them

all right i'm so i don't know what the fuck happened to those british wake-up call numbers

oh here we go i found them now keep smoking milkman keep smoking that marijuana cigarette

i don't know these places are open anymore it's late now you gotta call them like in hawaii or

something yeah i think the cali ones are closed by now yeah yeah because lonesome confirmed these

like around i was gonna ask them if uh they're called the handy ask them if you can either get

a handy or a blowy okay all right here's a here's a wake-up call hello yes hi this is your 5 a.m

wake-up call i know i'm a little late are you awake now what you're on about oh well you had

it down here for have a wake-up call this morning oh wow yeah yeah did you wake up i've not asked

for anything who are you anyway oh i'm cross i'm with united wake up machines we wake people up in

the morning it's a free service well i have i've never even heard of it before and don't do it

Would you mind removing it off our list?

Do you want us to take you off the list?

Yes, because I've never even asked for it.

Oh, do you have the authorization code to remove you?

I've never even heard of you.

Well, if you don't give me the code, the computer won't take you off the list.

Do you understand?

Well, how can I give you a code when I don't even know about it?

Well, try one.

What code do you think it might be?

I don't know.

22.

Let me see.

22, you say?

Yeah.

No, that's not it.

Do you have any others it might be?

I don't know.

20.

Let me try that here.

No, not 20.

How many digits are you supposed to have?

Four digits.

Well, how did I know that then?

All right.

Well, I can make it three digits.

Will three digits work out for you?

Look, will you just take it off, please?

Because I've never even heard of you, and we don't need any wake-up calls.

Yeah, but you don't understand it.

If I don't put in the code, the computer's going to call you right back as soon as we hang up

until either you confirm that you woke up.

How can I possibly?

give you a code when i don't know try again just give me another code maybe it'll work

999.

No, that's not it either.

Mr. Vlente.

Yes.

666.

We have a situation here.

Yeah, go ahead.

Yes, we have got a bloody situation here.

This is Mr. Snozzwell.

I'm calling from the engineering department.

And the code that you just entered

seems to have caused an infinite loop in our routine.

And I'm afraid to tell you that the call circle machine is going to be calling you back every three minutes

until we can figure out how to fix the remedy of the situation.

Well, you'll have to do something about it, because I do not want this again.

Well, we're putting all of our efforts into it right now, but this is a very complicated problem,

and I don't know if we can solve it. It might take four, five, six hours.

You'd better do, because I'm not having this.

My husband has to work shifts and things, and I don't want him waking up in the middle of the night.

What's your number on your own?

It's a three-digit code between 200 and 250.

Do you think you might know which one it might be now?

Look, how can I possibly know when I've never even heard of you?

Well, try it.

I could go on for a million years and I won't bloody know, will I?

Well, there's only 50 possible combinations of it.

Yeah, and I shall be here for God knows how long.

Can't bloody think of them.

Well, just try one.

I'll get something bloody done about it.

What's your phone number?

Well, try it.

Do you think it might be 242?

Well, try that then.

Try anything that's top bloody ringing me.

they no it's not 242 either it just it made it worse yeah now it's gonna call you twice

get something bloody done about it what's your phone number uh my number is 245 oh that was it

there we go that worked i can confirm yeah that worked all right good we i think we figured it

out you figured it out yeah oh no never mind no that was wrong i hit the wrong no i was wrong uh

what about 251 it fixed the situation but it's back in the infinite loop again yeah it's not

not working again how do you how do ma'am how do we fix this what what do we put in the computer

ma'am hello what well i'm waiting i'm waiting for you to do this well if you can if you can

get rid of it

hello hello

We're going to have to start at 001

And work our way up to 999

Let's see

002

She would not enter the proper code

003

Breathe milkman

Breathe

You need a paper bag

Hello

It feels like it's sat on my chest

Ma'am

Okay here's Australia

Elizabeth this is coming

I'm coming to pick

Alright Australia

Australia. This is the top of the list and the most recent posting I put in here in Skype chat.

Adelaide. We got Eros Cafe. That sounds like a Greek place.

I would guess. I think you should call us a Turk.

Good evening, Eros Cafe. Melinda speaking. Yes, is this Greek coffee?

Pardon? Is this Greek coffee? I'm sorry, you're cutting out a lot.

Do you have Greek coffee? Sorry, you're cutting out a lot.

I can't really hear what you're saying. How about fuck you?

you do you know what that means hello fuck you hello fuck too loud over there how hairy is your

box got the hiccups over here uh i don't want to do the pizza house i don't want to do a subway

i'll try the pizza one pizza house australia i'll try that real quick australia's pizza house

holy shit oh fucking hiccups hiccups suck man all right here we go look at that terrible pizza

in australia yeah they put uh vegemite on it yeah i quit making well there's not vegemite the other

one all right hey what's going on dog mr piece of place hey hey what's going on what's going on

man mr piece of place uh took on him my friend yeah this this the pizza place my dude what's up

yeah yeah yeah are you making fun of it yeah yeah man yeah i'm on vacation here man i'm on

so i'm saying what do you have to pay anyway i need to order a pizza man oh you want

to probably do you want to um you hear me man can y'all hear me so you want the family size or

yeah yeah i wanna i might look like i got a few questions man yeah you keep cutting out right no

man you keep cutting out listen listen i'm on vacation here man i can't find no weed nowhere

dog could you bring me some weed with that piece of man i'm not trying to do man i can't i'm small

australian bird come on man i'll give you like 10 extra dollars man i can't man i don't take drugs

well where can i get some weed in australia then man i'm fiending for that shit um i i don't know

i can't help you i got there man fuck you we don't involve ourselves with drugs you want

white boys don't fuck with me like that come on

I hung up because it's too loud there too

Fuck

Yeah he couldn't

Yeah I don't know if it's the connection

Or just

Both those places are pretty loud

Here's a subway

I didn't know they have subways over there

That's a good voice Tozer

Thanks man

He plays the black dude really well don't he

Is there a name to that voice

You should name him Lysol

Might be a good name

all right subway you should see he's like the typical italian looking dude though there you go

blah all right indian restaurant instead oh boy oh can i take this one yep since australia yep

hello how are you today can you hear me hello yes i'd like to place an order yes yes um i was

wondering do you have tandoori chicken yes we do you do great and uh so you have a traditional

traditional tandoori oven. Is that correct? Yes, we do. I was wondering if I might be able to get a

slight twist to this. Are you able to fulfill a special request? Sorry, I'm very well. Can you

make a special order? Yeah, yeah, I can make a special order. Now, can the cook get very close

to the oven or is it very, very hot? I'm sorry? Can the chef get close to the oven? I'll grab your

name, sir. Grab your phone number. Yeah, look, can the chef take a shit in the tandoori oven and cook

Cook it for me and put it into some curry.

Yeah, yeah, keep going.

This is being recorded because this has been happening every Sunday.

And police are going to knock on your door very soon.

Keep going.

And what else do you want?

I would like an order of gandu.

Yes, yes, keep going, keep going, yes.

This is getting recorded.

Very good.

Oh, good, good.

Do I sound good?

Because when you get the police coming, though.

Yeah, this has been reported.

It happens every Sunday, isn't it?

Every Sunday?

This is the first time.

Every Sunday you keep calling, isn't it?

Keep going, keep going, because they're going to locate you very soon.

You sound like you're having a hard time.

Is this funny?

Yeah, it's not very funny either.

Keep going, yes?

Because the more you keep talking, because you know what happens.

The more you keep talking, they're going to find your location very soon.

Whatever mobile number, whatever you're using.

Do they have a tracing machine working right now?

Yeah, they do, they do, they do.

You think a tracer can stop me?

Okay, I'd like one order of Terry Marilan.

Yes.

And one order of Bhenchod.

yes for yourself yes for myself yes you got you got you got your mom you got your own mom you

can fuck her anytime oh mother mother choke oh i love mother choke all right let me talk to him

get him straight now carlito every time somebody talks you're echoing really bad

he really had a sense of humor he was really laughing a lot i'm echoing uh did you hear me

carly though yeah i did um let me restart skype how's that all right let's regroup okay when we

regroup uh i'm gonna so you guys are gonna see me log off of skype and when i come back on call

back in all right everybody all of you including you dozer don't forget i blame milkman everybody

that's who i blame because he has bad internet all right baz is first baz you win the prize

awesome gold star gold star means regroup everybody you know i'm a little bit worried

about that last call he said that he's going to find you what's up he was laughing an awful lot

he was kind of enjoying it yeah he was he had a good sense of humor man i was like i was getting

into it you know the boncho i think that the proper way to pronounce that is bonchode you

think the accent is on the chode i think yeah because i called this one indian restaurant and

i asked for banchu banchu and i got no response but then when i said boncho the guy just went

ballistic we'll try that all right so is this everybody baz enigma death fox dozer and milkman

was that the was it just five of us yep yeah sounds much better good that worked all right

it's a memory leak yeah good old skype gotta love it and i don't see getting better anytime soon

all right uh let me reload the numbers here in the skype chat got another indian restaurant here

to get to there it is all right here's the maya masala indian restaurant let me try this one

yes hi is this indian yes it is okay i'd like to make an order please

yep sure all right one bhenchod i'm sorry bhenchod i'm sorry i can't hear you what's

he drinking one bhenchod um what's that could you spell it uh b-a-h-n-c-h-o-d

oh wow that's an indian slang well that's my friend said to order that that is good food

yeah this is your friend there's something wrong with your friend because that means

sister fucker well he's indian what did you say to me that means that means sister fucker your

friend is screwing with you oh my goodness what about that's an indian slang yeah what about

madder chad oh yeah that means motherfucker and i'm really busy right now call me back

when you want to order some indian food do you have gandu

all definitely call her back we're gonna have to get some more translations so we'll keep

hey wait wait wait i was gonna say wait five minutes and let me talk to her

do not over exploit this one well baz do this one and start with your tandoori thing and then

go to bancho all right okay all right that's got a blast that bass has this wasn't hello

okay it's ringing now she may not answer i don't think so she's not gonna bite

hi i am a fellow restaurant no one is here to get your call bullshit there's no bun there

all right i'm sure yeah exactly we'll let her stew for a minute we'll do wait five minutes like uh

uh death fox suggested in the meantime let's let's wake up michael kettle who lives in england

chesterfield england all right kettle kettle i don't know hello yes hi is this michael key

kettle sorry is this michael kettle who wants him oh i want him what about well because there's a

problem here with the payments in the water and we're going to shut off the water unless we get

this straightened out oh you're right yep we're calling from water machines uh no yes i said yes

Did you hold on?

What?

Right, see ya.

No, listen, don't hang up, please.

This is serious, okay?

I don't want to have to shut your water off, but I'll do it.

Well, I should have done for then, okay.

Now listen, do you want water?

You don't drink water?

No, bye.

Oh, come on, don't do it.

Don't hang up.

That was stupid.

He was immediately confrontational.

I'm starting to get tired, and that's why.

That was stupid.

Second half of the show is a shit, all right?

I am the supervisor, and I will shut off your water unless you pay attention to what I have to say.

Oh, shut it off, then.

Okay, but there's a fee to reconnect it.

are you sure uh you could just be nice don't know what you're on about because you don't pay your

water bill because you're a piece of shit so if you don't listen you're a piece of shit and fuck

off well at least i can flush my pieces of shit in the toilet you can't because you don't have

water all right shut it off milkman shut it off oh that was fucking funny no you're a piece of

shit let's see if he picks up this time i thought it was piece of shit piece of crap welcome to

a voicemail fuck all right before we call more of those let's call back the two-faced cat family

because they're a lot of fun it's been a while been a few hours right maybe they forgot about

us they're probably sound asleep right now yeah perfect this is their house phone as they explain

you're like oh those fucks called again um well let's try the date night babysitter

why not you don't if you weren't here for the beginning of the show i confused them with uh

I confused it for a whole thing where the babysitter comes over to sleep with me.

The guy got real upset about the whole thing.

Hate to say it, but we're going to be wrapping up here soon, guys.

Yes, hi, I was calling about the babysitter service.

Okay.

All right, how soon of a notice do you need?

You need the babysitter for your child.

It'll be tomorrow?

What time?

About, well, hopefully 2 p.m. if the babysitter can come over.

Do they come over here, or do we go over there?

No, you would come to my house.

I'm the babysitter.

All right, and do you have a nice bed there with clean sheets and everything

and water-based lubricants and condoms?

No.

No?

I'm sorry.

I bitch, it's a babysitter for child care.

Yeah, I know, but I've been...

Not for anything nasty.

I'm sorry you have the wrong ad.

But I have sexual fantasies about a babysitter.

Oh, man, I love that guy.

He's on guard because from the beginning he's like,

this is for children only.

Yeah, I heard that earlier, man.

He flipped out.

He sounds extremely creepy.

I would not send my kids over to somebody's house like that.

That is really strange.

I agree.

Who leaves their kids with men for babysitting?

You just don't do that, right?

That's not right?

Not right at all.

No, sir.

Definitely not right.

Hey, let's call Russia.

Here's the Pushka Inn.

Hey, the rivers in Volgograd are cold in the spring.

It's called the Soviet Union.

Hello?

Hi.

Hello?

Yes, you speak English?

Yes, how may I help you?

Yes, I'm looking for a hotel room in the Soviet Union.

In the Soviet Union?

Yes.

Because you reach St. Petersburg, Russia.

Soviet Union doesn't exist anymore.

Yeah, but at one time this was the Soviet Union, right?

I'm sorry?

At one time this was the Soviet Union, right?

So previously, yes.

Before the 1991, it's been.

Yeah, so I want to come and I want to see the communists and Stalin and everything, right?

You're pretty late, I guess.

Well, you know, come on.

Can't you give me a little favor there?

I like to have sexual relations with a communist man.

I guess that you call to the room number. Bye.

Call to the room number.

All right, let's see if we get someone different there.

I didn't know they speak English in Russia.

Usually they get pretty good.

Talk that fluently.

Hello.

How are you?

Fine. How may I help you?

Yes, I'm traveling to Russia and I'm looking for accommodations.

Do you have anything available?

So if you are looking for accommodation in St. Petersburg,

work. It depends on which date you're interested in.

Tonight. Just for tonight?

For one night? Yes.

That's a single, double accommodation?

Well, the single, how many

have a small bed

or a big bed?

In this single room, we do have

the bed like one meter

wide. One meter wide?

That sounds pretty good. It's like a single one.

Will you be joining me? I'm sorry?

Will you be joining me

in the room?

Maybe you need a different hotel

No, I want this hotel

Hello

Okay, I can help you with making a reservation for the room

But you can't help me with coming to my room

No

At night

I'm sorry

Just for a little while

We can sit on the couch and talk for a little bit

Hey, Carlito

Call that number I just gave you

And make a reservation for one room

30, 40 people and 80 seats

You're cutting in on one room

Remember when we did that, man?

Yeah, that's hilarious.

One room, 34 people.

Yeah, we tried to do it.

We couldn't do it without cracking that.

Where is this?

Hello, thank you for calling the Metro System.

If you know your party's room number, you may dial it now.

The call will be answered.

Otherwise, dial the number for reservation.

One moment, please.

Thank you for calling reservation services for Motel 6.

Our office is currently closed.

Aww.

How?

We was doing it until 4 a.m. the other day.

Maybe it was a weekend thing.

I don't know.

That sucks.

Yeah, but if you want to get that number, you can.

You can just go right to the rooms.

It's hilarious.

Is that what you're talking about?

And it's a new branding switchboard.

All right, cool.

So if you get voicemail, just hit a new room number.

It just goes to it.

Motel 6 has always had the switchboards that are like that,

where you can dial around and stuff.

That's pretty cool.

We've been trying to find another one,

but usually the Motel 6, we find if nobody's in the room,

me to go to the operator this and that one it's just like keep going right well let me try a few

rooms are they three digit room numbers or what are they i'll do the room numbers all right yeah

do it do it do it you have entered an invalid extension number please try again one moment

i'm just gonna keep switching rooms with my answers so you can get you can just switch

like that there's a new one already yeah it's really fast oh wow yeah i just flipped

I don't know if the echo is messing it up

You're echoing pretty bad

It's not

What's some of the rooms

That had people in yesterday

Third floor

This is the front desk

Do you have any children in this room

Because we're getting some bad noise complaints

What the hell

That was 445

445

I'm going to reconnect the conference

I'm friends.

All right.

One moment, please.

Yeah, the lady's hanging up.

I'll try 446.

They picked up and hung up on you.

Hello.

One moment, please.

It only goes to 49 on each floor.

There's only 400 floors.

Well, four floors.

400 floors.

Holy shit.

There's only 50 rooms per floor, you mean?

Yeah, but there's no zero rooms and no 50-foot room.

The person you are trying to reach is currently...

We had people bringing plungers, freaking plungers down to the desk, blankets.

You have entered an invalid extension number.

Please try again.

One moment, please.

This is Prank Show, not Touchstone Show.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

There's some noise complaints coming from this room.

Do you have children here?

No, uh-uh.

All right, how many people are in this room?

You're only supposed to have two maximum.

How many?

You're only supposed to have two people in the room.

What room are you calling?

3-3-4.

No, this is only me.

This is 3-3-1.

3-3-1?

That's what it's called.

All right, well, yeah.

Yeah, I have you down 331, severe noise complaints.

Room 334 is complaining about you.

Excuse me?

I said room 334 is complaining about you.

This said you have five people in the room

and that you guys were making a lot of noise and smoking marijuana.

I'm not beside 334.

I'm in 331.

I know, but he saw you from down the way

and you were smoking marijuana cigarettes in the hallway, he said,

that you were smoking marijuana cigarettes.

No, not this one, baby.

I was asleep.

Listen, if you have marijuana cigarettes, it's okay.

i just need you to tell me the truth no i do not do you have any you can share and i won't call the

police no i don't listen you come now huh oh you want to call and you can come if you like i'm in

the front row i'm in the front desk right now all right it doesn't matter you can come and check if

you like i'm in 331 and i will sleep honey no i want you to come over here right now get this

straightened out i sure will do it i'm gonna call her back and tell her it's this is not a color

she gets hilarious when we sit you send like 20 people to the front desk and call the front desk

yes listen this is a whites only room this is whites only whites only yeah you're supposed

to be in the fourth floor that's the colored section of the hotel the colored section of

the hotel yes yeah that's for uh anybody who's not um caucasian you're supposed to be in the

fourth floor that's where we put the blacks excuse me that because we had a mistake we

We didn't know that you were black.

We had you down in a whites-only room, but according to this now,

the computer says that you're black, you're colored.

What are you saying?

You asked me to come down to the office, right?

Yeah, but something changed because I heard your voice,

and I can tell you're not white.

I'm coming down to the office.

No, no, no, miss, miss, miss.

That ain't, that ain't, that ain't.

You don't have to do that.

We can do this over the phone.

I'm the colored representative for the hotel this evening.

Hello?

It don't matter, baby.

You got jokes and you playing motherfucking games.

I'm coming down to the office.

Hey, hey, hey, listen, old girl, this ain't no joke.

Hey, old girl.

She's gone.

She's getting pissed.

What?

I like how she still says baby.

I'm the colored representative.

She's still, she's still calling me baby.

That's awesome.

Look at her baby.

Hello, and thank you for calling.

One moment, please.

3-3-2.

I think she's going to go ballistic if she picks up this time.

This is a different one, though.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, this hotel's a gold mine, dude.

We milked it for, like, four days in a row.

It's in Baltimore?

Yeah, Baltimore.

The promised land.

Sounds like a bird, Baltimore.

Baltimore Orioles, number one.

The person you are trying to reach, one moment, please.

Just going up room by room, that's what I usually do.

Yeah.

We had this one guy, we said it was $99 to watch Swamp Loggers.

He said, you fuck me again, Kathy.

Fuck me again.

What?

I told his wife, you fuck me again, Kathy.

Fuck me again.

Booking his hair.

Hello.

One moment, please.

It's like when that one woman said, you're so stupid, Jasmine.

Jasmine, you're so stupid.

Yeah, we was telling people it costs $99 to cut the TV out and $99 to show this.

Believe in us.

The person you are trying to reach.

One moment, please.

I'm going to call that lady back.

I'm going to make a deal with her.

Hang on.

And then door.

Those are getting a number, too.

Keto is always good.

We're calling the Motel 6 of Baltimore, Maryland.

One moment, please.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

I'm calling from the front desk.

We seem to have an issue here.

You're not supposed to be in this room.

This is a whites-only room.

It's a what?

It's for whites only, not for coloreds.

God damn it.

I think she was white, though.

That's why.

Yes, she was.

You let Dozer talk to her.

There you go.

I'll try again.

Hello?

One moment, please.

Here she is again.

Dozer, you take it.

This is the same room?

Yep.

All right.

Here, take something to the front desk.

Like I'm plugging dozer law. He's just hilarious. I'm sorry

Hey, what's going on? This is Ryan Dozier from the front desk. We're having a problem with the room tonight. Uh, hello, ma'am

Yeah, well, yeah

I know how much how much TV have you been watching as your remote broke or something?

Cuz I mean you got like $99 and swamp loggers all jammed up in the system. Hello, ma'am

I need you to speak to me. What the fuck?

Did you say $99 in swamp loggers?

Swamp loggers?

Yeah, all jammed up in the sand.

You know that AMC show, Swamp Loggers?

Yeah.

These rednecks were standing there watching Swamp Loggers, and we said it was $99 a show.

He's a killer.

Hillbilly hand fishing.

Party's room number.

You may dial 1-

One moment, please.

It's on the hillbilly hand fishing.

Yeah, the noodling show.

This is the room next door.

I'm a zoo fan.

That's terrorism.

Funny.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

This is the front desk.

And what's going on here with the noise?

How much TV have you been watching tonight?

I haven't turned on any devices.

No?

I heard the noise, too.

You heard the noise, too?

Yeah.

Where's it coming from?

On the right side.

On the right side?

Yeah.

I was going to complain about it.

Yeah, well, you know, I talked to them in that room, and they said it was coming from your room.

No, no, no.

I heard it's from their room.

I don't think so, sir.

I think you're lying to me.

I'm not lying.

I'm only one guy here.

Well, they said that you had two women in there with you and you were making sex and there was a lot of noise and that you were smoking marijuana cigarettes inside the room.

I have the same description. I have heard two women talking. I don't know about marijuana and a lot of noise.

Did you smell marijuana also?

No, no, no, no. I don't smoke anything.

But do you know what it smells like?

No.

no no oh did you uh can you go over to that room right now and knock on the door for me

no no no i cannot do that well listen i'm scared they're black right they're black girls

no i'm gonna see me now oh well wake up i cannot please are you from france hey

asshole he sounded like hey let me do the next one find me one i'll find you one yeah find me

a room please sir hello let me try this one first then i'll get you oh shit i missed out

You have entered an invalid

One moment, please

I think this is the one to the right

What?

motel 6 front desk no this is this is room 331 okay you just you just called

here sir yeah i did okay yes sir and what's the problem you just called here sir i know i'm

talking to you what's the confusion the confusion is i will be dialing back and giving the police

this number because i do believe you are the prank caller that's been calling all the rooms your

voice sounds very familiar and we will be contacting you do you have whites only rooms

is it very familiar very very familiar eric death fox you get the next one here damn it stupid okay

That was the front desk that my lady works there.

Oh, okay.

I had the prank over.

Hello, thank you for calling the Medi-Fox.

If you may, your card is...

One moment, please.

And I'm getting tired of this now because it's too much beeping.

Just let me do one, and then I'll leave you alone.

Okay.

Hello?

Yes, sir.

This is Patton Fox from the front desk.

We're having a problem with your pay-per-view bill.

What shows have you been watching on the TV, sir?

sir could you speak up it's hard to hear you what did you say i said this is pat and fox from front

desk um what shows you've been walking on the tv you have a 486 dollar pay-per-view bill

no sir don't um do you have your tv on right now or have you been on the last six hours

you're breaking up yeah he's breaking up i'm sorry this is a supervisor can you hear me okay

i can hear you now oh good i'm the supervisor yes sir we have you down with a high pay-per-view

you bill have you been watching a lot of tv pornography and everything no i haven't well i

want to make sure that you pay for this and and second of all um you're in a whites only room on

the first floor in the whites only section of the hotel listen um we need you to come down to the

front desk we're going to move you to the second floor that's the colored section for the colored

people my internet shit yeah you keep you sound like uh like you keep coming in and out and stuff

you know i have to start copping week i think that's what it is you're still breaking up

asshole i said i have restarted cop in a week uh in a week yeah what's wrong with you restarted

why are you so afraid god why didn't you start it you think it's something like shit it's skype

dude all right uh dozer you send a place that's ghetto super ghetto in detroit no way yeah yeah

we called there one time we got like a really good reaction out of the uh front desk lady all

Alright, cool. That's cool. That reminds me of the call

that the show that you did where Lonesome

sent all ghetto numbers in Philly.

Remember that? Yeah, yeah. They don't want to do

a block party for Ben Franklin's birthday.

Yeah. It's something stupid like that.

It was a good one. Is that better?

No.

Yes, hi. I wanted to see the rooms that you

have. Do you have any whites-only rooms there?

What? Whites-only that

black people, colored people don't go into

and get dirty in soil?

No, not everybody.

Do you have any

toilets that aren't used by black people?

Like colored, whites-only toilets?

No.

Can you sanitize the room for me?

Just to make sure that it doesn't have any negro in it?

Alright. I don't know why I'm doing

this racist stuff. I'm sorry.

Dude, that was funny, though.

I'll just stay muted, my bad.

You sound... I'm death... I was... Death fucks. I was kidding. You sound better.

Okay. I was being an asshole.

Yeah, I just haven't

restored Scott in like a week.

That's stupid. It doesn't take... See how long

it took you like 10 seconds to do that death fox come on man you know i've been busy coding

websites i run five websites now oh my god oh my god okay um dude this crack i'm fucking me out i

just took a lot of oh wait a minute hey lonesome was checking these out and he said he's got in

the same hotel a black guy answered in room 100 111 113 or it looks uh he's scoping us out oh this

This is a Motel 6 in Memphis, Tennessee, and he already scoped out the numbers.

Cool.

Hey, there we go.

Hey, Dozer gave you a number up there.

He wanted you to call.

If you'll scroll up, I'll paste it for you.

I didn't know how to sell it.

He just called it.

That was the one.

Oh, okay.

My bad.

Should I accuse somebody of masturbating too loudly?

Hello.

Thank you for calling.

Can I take that first one?

I got an idea.

There we go.

Go for it.

It's 111.

All right.

Hello?

Hey, what's going on?

Is this the hotel?

hotel you have the wrong number this is no no no no just room 111 right no 113 113 yo i was just i

was in your room yesterday yeah i don't know who that was i didn't hear dial the phones my bad

it's okay it's 114 now hello let me try this one oh i hate that motel 6 music i know all right

here's 117 let me try this one whatever happened we'll leave the light on for you

oh shit isn't that red roof in no it's multiple six no hello yes hi this is the front desk this

is 117 correct yeah yeah sir um rooms 100 through 125 are whites only and we have down here

apparently you're black you're colored yeah what's up um we're gonna have to move you to room 147

and 117 is uh called we black well you're yeah well you're out you're colored and we only allow

out whites in this room i'm you haven't used the bathroom right because that's a big no-no

that's not a big room there's not even a big room well no but i'm saying if it's whites only room

and if you're colored and if you use the bathroom we're gonna have to sanitize the room to get all

the negro out of it did you use the toilet oh god since i'm not breaking up can i do one now

yep yep i'll call him back how's that because you sound really i know he's going to the front office

He's going to shoot some shit up.

You sound really good now, Deathfire.

I'm going to do it.

I'm going to hang on to you.

Same guy.

117.

All right, no answer there.

Here's 115 instead will do.

I don't believe this guy's black.

RBC, I'm not.

Obama Code 112.

Hello?

Yes, sir.

This is Patton Fox from the front desk.

What shows have you been watching on TV?

Huh?

I said this is Patton Fox from the front desk.

You have a $485 pay-per-view bill.

Was you aware of this?

I have a $485 pay-per-view, Bill.

Yeah, was you aware of this?

No, I've done nothing like that.

Well, have you been watching TV?

Huh?

Have you been watching any TV at all?

Watching TV?

Yes.

Yeah.

What shows have you been watching?

ESPN, that's it.

Oh, you didn't read the contract when you signed in, did you?

It cost a $99 surcharge when you cut on the TV and $50 a minute after that.

But we gave you a 6% discount after 30 minutes.

So, I mean, can you come to the front desk or we tow your car?

Because you sound like one of those African people.

Or, I don't know.

I just, I'm in charge of calling in and forgive your bet before it reaches 500.

I'll talk about this in the morning.

What time does the manager get here?

You can come to the front desk right now or we'll tow your car.

Listen, sir, I am the manager.

We can deal with it over the phone right now.

So, don't hang up.

I advise you not to.

who otherwise will have to tow your car.

All right, I'll come up there.

No, no, we can deal with this over the phone.

I need you, sir.

No, I'm not doing nothing over the phone.

I'm coming to the front desk.

Fine, come to the front desk.

Let's fight, then.

All right.

Let's fight.

Death fucks, you're breaking up again, dude.

Yeah, I'll just not do no more.

I'll just mute.

Let's see the real fight.

He's like, hold up.

Oh, shit.

I don't know why my internet's fucked up.

It's pissed me off.

It never does it.

Is it your torrents?

You got torrents going on?

No, I got nothing going on.

I had to call my SP to get an arm.

Is your action figures doing it?

God, I hate you, Flu.

Fuck the Flu.

Fuck it all to hell.

Shit the fuck.

All right, I'll try the next one here.

I've got a good idea for one.

Black woman, they're all sassy.

I feel like the Lowe's has been dialing around.

Hello?

Yeah.

Yes, hi.

I'm going to put my supervisor, Big Baby Baz, he has an idea.

Go ahead, Baz.

Good morning.

I'm calling to try to confirm some of these pay-per-view orders that are coming from your room.

Have you been using the pay-per-view system tonight?

Well, we're getting reports over the computer machine of a number of orders of titles of adult nature.

Have you been watching movies like Any Given Come Day, Breakfast on Tiffany, Children of the Cornhole, For Your Thighs Only?

I didn't want it.

Did you read the one I made up?

I made that one up yesterday.

How Wild and the Cunts, man.

Oh, I made that one up.

How Wild and the Cunts, man.

I made it up when I'm doing it.

yes hi this is the front desk my name is cross and i'm the supervisor this is room 120 all right

listen um we're having complaints about noise from there um are you watching pornography or

is there someone masturbating loudly over there i'm sleeping well were you masturbating earlier

because there's children who are hearing moaning noises and masturbation noises and i'm sleeping

what are you talking about masturbation you know when you pleasure yourself no no are you by

By yourself, or do you have a man there with you?

No, I'm sleeping.

Well, but when was the last time you masturbated?

Talking about...

Someone was masturbating there, and children heard it from the next door, in the room next door, one night.

No, he didn't.

Huh?

No, he did not.

Can you please not masturbate so loud?

If you're going to masturbate, can you put a pillow over your face?

No one has been there.

No one's been masturbating at all?

Do you have the TV on, maybe?

No, I'm sleeping.

There's no noise in this room.

All right, then we also have down that you rented some pay-per-view movies.

That's why I think you're masturbating, because it's pornography, adult movies.

There's one called...

You have the wrong room.

It says, ho white and the cunts man.

You have the wrong room.

All right, well...

We're getting a new one in.

It's called Lawrence of Alabia.

Lawrence of Alabia.

I'm literally being...

I was dying over here, man.

Lawrence of Alabia.

No one's doing that.

Yes, hi.

This is room 121.

I'm calling from the front desk.

Yeah.

We're having noise complaints from this room.

I don't know.

No, we're in here asleep right now.

We haven't been doing anything.

Are you sure?

Have you been masturbating or having sex really loudly because there's children in room 120

and they're complaining about the noise, the banging?

Okay, yes, I understand, but we're in here dead asleep,

so you might have to check some more rooms because we've been asleep since last night.

Since last night, I know, but you had sex probably or you're masturbated before?

No, sir.

There's no rule against having sex or masturbating,

but we ask that you keep it down, the noise down.

You don't have to be excessive.

No one needs to hear your perverted stuff, you know?

Okay.

Because apparently, like, a woman was yelling,

fuck me, hard nigger, and stuff like that.

Okay.

And that's not necessary, okay?

Okay.

So maybe put a pillow over your girlfriend's face when you're fucking her.

Okay?

And so...

Fuck me, hard nigger.

Sorry about the N-word.

That was Death Fox's ideas.

What? I wasn't in here. What'd you do?

I thought you were rebooting your router.

What'd you do, Fox?

Go reboot your router, Death Fox.

I did. I'll config release.

Your racist router.

Hello.

Yes, hi. Room 127?

Yes.

And we're getting noise complaints there, sexual noises and loud sex coming from your room.

Could you please...

No.

Huh?

No one's in here but me.

Yeah, were you masturbating then?

No.

Could you please keep... If you're going to masturbate, it's okay, but don't make it so loud.

okay all right um do you are you using your fingers or what's going on why are you so into

it um nothing nothing anything at all i was just sleep i don't understand how you were getting

those noises well i don't know do you watching are you watching a porno movie maybe and it's loud

no oh okay mr mr valente yes go ahead my supervisor's here yes um we're just checking

on the pay-per-view histories and we're showing a number of rentals from that unit

um we're finding um like ferris bueller's jerk off um forest hump full metal jack off and then

honey i shanked the kids which sounds very questionable i'm not even sure if we're allowed

to be showing that um we're also showing rentals of um tango and snatch and the emperor strikes

from the back come up there because i don't recall looking at it well we need you to settle

this bill because you've been watching several adult movies more than several about eight

and watch it we have a bad history with uh african-american people not paying their

pay-per-view bills when they leave we just want to make sure that you're going to pay for this

um we're not even watching that what are you watching then are you watching i don't know

what this cause are you watching skin and max no i'm not sure well you said you're by yourself

why did you say wait you have a man in there you're having sex with no i'm not i'm by myself

in the room having sex with yourself no oh you're being kind of loud right now is this turning you

on is that the problem can you i mean oh my god i know see yeah we're also getting complaints of

a very distinct odor of marijuana cigarette smoke no any other complaints mr volante yeah also we

We have complaints that you use the toilet too much.

I have been asleep.

How many times have you flushed the toilet?

See, now I think y'all playing on the phone, and this is really rude.

Okay, but just no more masturbation, all right?

Please?

Because we have to clean the sheets and everything because you're labia.

I got a good idea.

You should tell one of them there's like five ass quips at the front desk for them.

All right, well, you do that.

Here's 133.

Am I breaking up still?

Yeah, probably.

I don't know.

If it breaks up

There's five hookers here. Yeah, that's cool. Hey, what's going on? I'm at the front desk and

These girls you showed up. I got five escorts down here and they saying that they here for your room. Is that correct now? No

Well, I mean the pimp is here and everything and I mean he's trying to get paid

I mean somebody's gotta come down here settle this you understand. Oh, man

but i guess yeah it's all right man it's cool i'm out of my mind right now so all right lonesome

confirms a black woman's in 135 let's do that this is a showtime or no is there what is aaron

doing a show they said probably sometime in early february that's like a month from my website

hello yes hi room 135 attention yes this is the front desk we have complaints of masturbation in

this room no were you making loud noises having sex what were you making loud sexual noises there

with a man or a woman no well room the room next door is complaining that i'm from the front desk

this is mr valente i'm the supervisor here tonight that might be the tv well is it a is it a

porn movie you're watching no there's children next door and they can hear the people saying

dirty things what the hell why would you call you talking like that well because children can hear

hear the porno that you're watching the dirty movies i don't know i don't think you got the

right uh 135 you need to go check that again this is room 135 no that's the wrong room stop

playing on my phone well why are you yelling at some man saying fuck me hard like that all right

whatever what else can we do other than the porno and masturbation what did you say about plungers

what happened something about plungers let's tell them let's tell them to bring all their like bed

and pillows and shit downstairs you can tell them you need to inspect their plunger for vaginal

secretions because you heard they were doing something well here's we'll call room one we're

gonna call room 136 and we'll tell them that we there's lice in the room and they need a

bed bugs no lice is funny yeah bring all their sheets to the front desk yeah fold them and we'll

send the mate up and take all our clothes yes hi um this is room is this room 136 i'm calling from

the front desk we have a problem yeah what's the problem uh there's lice in your room there's what

lice what the fuck she just ran she's probably packing up fucking nice motherfucker all right

we'll try with 139 this poor hotel man you know all the complaints are going to get check out

tomorrow hello yes hi uh this is cross from the front desk we have a problem with room 139 this

is where you're at correct yes all right yeah this room wasn't supposed to be um given out

it was supposed to be quarantined there's a bad lice problem in this room there's lice in the

carpets and on the bed and in the bathroom um so have you felt any itching or anything like that

and who are you i'm cross with the front desk and we have a lice problem in this room that you're in

we we put you in there an accident we weren't supposed to put anybody in this room tonight

okay all right now have you had any itching in your head or your vagina interesting uh-huh

Okay, I'm going to hang up now.

Bye.

Okay, bye.

If you offer three vouchers for a night stay, they'll listen to you more.

That's what I found out.

All right.

She's like, oh, really?

At least she thought it was funny.

Here's some more titles.

Throbbinghood.

The Chisholm of Oz.

The Little Spermaid.

Come drink.

Spermaid.

Sex Trek.

The Next Penetration.

All right, so there.

I'm tired.

I'm going to go to sleep.

See you guys.

This has been great having you on.

Death Fox, you're out of here.

Bye.

Can I talk to you in private

About some stuff

See you Carlito

Later Dozer

Can I talk to you when we're done

Yeah sure

I'm going to chat on Skype

Typing no talking

We'll talk

Because I'm tired

I'll get on my iPad in the bed and I'll masturbate

We'll talk

Watch the little spermade

I love you

yeah whatever all right bye enigma see you later man hey good show all right i like your hat see

you see you all right see you baz thanks for being on baz you did some good pranks tonight

man good seeing you and you know breaking thanks dude you know i like your saturday show yeah

because i can call in my kids go to bed a little bit earlier there you go all right man thanks

man i think it's working out all right cool man see you out of here my ass all right out of here

on your ass milkman you still hear milkman milkman milkman got off from you milkman

harry balls milkman uh-oh i think we lost him i'll keep milkman on skype he might have fallen

asleep he's got sleep apnea that's why you can't hear him because he doesn't breathe when he sleeps

um yeah guys oh but i want to mention yeah wish me luck i have eye surgery again on wednesday

it's a cataract surgery it's my last eye surgery real excited about it's outpatient so i don't

even get stitches they're gonna put an IV on me you know and I'm not even gonna sleep this is

just they're just gonna make me all loopy I'm still really freaked out about it though yo it's

gonna freak me out they said they're gonna give me a a pill and then they're gonna put an IV in

my arm and give me sodium pentothal and it's gonna make me all loopy and stuff it's gonna be cool

man I hope I say racist things because it's a black doctor that's doing it I think it'd be

funny it'd be a good excuse to be racist you know with a professional man and not get in trouble for

right always a good opportunity um seriously milkman where are you homo stupid pendale

it's not answering let me try a cell phone see if i can wake him up do do do do do do do

milkman hey this one just stopped ringing completely all right well ain't gonna work

well hello hello hey i'm sorry i'm unable to take your call right now please shut up

this is voicemail i think he fell asleep well anyway i want to thank everyone who joined us

us tonight we had a great time didn't we i think we did some wife um babysitter calls you know some

two-headed cats checked in with charlie's old lady and some racist hotel calls some other things in

there too not bad not bad everyone be sure to visit madhouse live.com keep an eye out on the

podcast maybe i'll update it soon you know i'll get to it we'll be back next week keep sending

in those request-a-pranks during the week,

especially on Saturdays. It always

helps out. Tell your friends about the show.

Tell them to listen live or check out

the site. Alright.

I have nothing else for you guys. Oh, yeah.

Of course, thanks to everyone who sent in numbers,

including Lonesome Loser, Big Ken.

Thanks to Death Fox,

Dozer for joining us tonight,

Baz, EnigmasOnline.

Thanks to Milkman, my hermano.

I appreciate you being on, even though you're

sleeping. Yeah, man.

yeah man

Michael Jackson's doctor

very nice normal

you're a jerk

alright guys

I'm outta here

have a good night

have a good weekend

rest of your weekend

have a good week

we'll be back

Super Bowl weekend

next week

see you later

bye

fuck you

big motherfucker

Calls (64, 1 h 46 min of 3 h 55 min)

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