Just The Tip

Bitches! Bitches!

Dedication tonight.

That's the code word of the show, man.

That's the motto tonight.

No fan gin, remember that.

Dedication.

Yo, you can tell me about dedication.

It's fucking half past three in the morning.

I do what I want when I want.

Yeah.

Dedication my ass.

I'm here, damn it.

I showed up, didn't I?

Fucking dedication means on time.

It means punctuation.

Whatever.

I showed up.

I'm not under any contract.

Do what I want.

Alright, fine, never mind, we'll do a show

Alright, Milkman, wrap up the show

Alright

I'd like to thank everybody for stopping in

Especially our

Great having you

On, Hermanito

Thank you so much

We love her

Alright, I'll stay, I'll stay

Jen's sorry that he said that

Said the mean things

Yeah, I'm fucking out

Let's get back to business

in the mouth guy let's get the arm extended rbcp says i'm only 30 minutes i was an hour late last

week jen you weren't around where were you you were completely late you were like yeah you didn't

tell me about it though i only just found out that you did this saturday night thing because

you know you used to do the thursday night and i was like yeah i can't really do that during the

week and then you like told me on facebook oh yeah i'm doing saturday nights i'm like what the

fuck saturday night's man's the best night do prank calls that wasn't getting shagadelic

you know what did i just eat i ate what i thought it was a banana chip and it doesn't

taste like banana what hang on i don't know what that is oh awesome those things are impregnated

with uh added sugar it's a potato it's a pita chip no i'm good pitas are uh pitas uh good

good for you. Gin knows, right?

Gin, you eat pita bread. Gin, you like

hummus? You ever eat hummus? Gin, that's very good for you.

It's got lots of fiber and protein. No.

No, I haven't eaten that. It's good

for your arms, for your pectoral muscles.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, because you need that.

Yeah? Yeah, you need that, man.

Hummus! Gin? Hummus!

Yes. Hummus. Hummus.

That's right. Terrorist organization.

Gin! Gin! What? What?

What? What?

Gin, man, I've got to...

I need this guy. I need him, man.

the madhouse

no I don't want to send you something real quick

Jin should I send it to you

your email

send it to my email

send it to my

Jin at no donkeys dot com

right

no no no no no donkeys at Jin Stewart dot com

Jin donkeys at no Stewart dot com

ah shut up man

you know what it is

alright

alright alright

okay let's relax because we're all excited tonight it's an exciting night i don't know why

it's uh second of february man that's why we're all excited going up yeah man all right look

lonesome sending in a lot of numbers oh very good i'm good very good

brad carter sending in uh wall uh photo customers from the photo lab people that drop photos off for

development in hawaii we got women who answered they left uh pictures to be developed jen you

know pictures uh dirty pictures probably isn't that nice yeah it's lovely we got a lot of more

requests to prankses here we got a lot of numbers we got a lot of stuff to get to tonight let's jump

right into it yeah here comes your first photo lab center machine prank call big kai over here

left some pictures at the photo lab man i'm so excited we got so much to talk about what do we

got to do it come on tell me what i'll come up with it in a little bit oh i got problems at work

oh you got problems at work i want to tell you a story about my new job and the problem i got

and how best oh yeah yeah your new nighttime job man that is bullshit cigars stuff to talk about

cigars hey we got another i want to talk about how did you get your power back what happened with

that yeah holy jesus christ we had more than like uh i mean in total we've had around 96 hours

was downtime of power in the last week um because of an old cable uh where i live and um they sort

of it just it blew the fuse blew and then they had to it kept going so they had to dig up the road

in all these different sections i had to find the faulty section and their machinery is shit so they

can't really find it um and then finally they they find the fault after like four hours and it takes

them six hours to repair this one section of cable and then they fill the road back in and

And then another part of the cable, the fuse blows again, and another part of the cable is faulty, so they have to replace that section.

And this went on for, like, four days, five days, and they were just doing different sections of the cable.

And now, finally, they've kept it stable, but I'm assuming it's going to go off at any time again.

But fortunately, we have a generator now.

We're running out of half-voltage.

There you go.

It's madness.

now madness but now that they sent us a letter saying that they're going to dig up the road and

within the next sort of a couple of weeks uh we may be we may be facing more disruptions and all

this shit and uh yeah they're finally going to uh replace it oh they're going to replace the

whole thing can you oh man that's why you got that letter sock up on firewood and candles right

yeah exactly yeah yeah man can you still brush your teeth and all that does that work no because

Because I use a fucking electric toothbrush that's connected to the main socket, you dumbass.

Man, first world problems.

You gotta use a...

Oh, no.

You gotta get a battery.

You gotta brush my teeth, man.

You gotta go outside and get some leaves and brush your teeth.

Brush my teeth?

Can you wipe...

How do you...

What?

How do you wipe your ass if you can't use a toilet?

Give him an English question.

I use an electric ass brush.

What about the toilet?

Is it flush now?

Oh, Lord.

I didn't say that one.

Can you lock your doors?

I didn't say that.

Do your doors lock and all that stuff?

No, no, no, I've got an electric house, so when you walk in, all the fucking locks go automatically, and everything is detected automatically.

So you just, you know...

You get a little key card, you swipe at the door to open it?

No, no, I've got a retinal scan machine.

Oh, man.

Wow.

You're locked out.

Actually, no, I've got a biochip in my arse, and what I do is I walk through the frame, and all the doors open.

Nice, that's good.

You walk through backwards.

Yeah, that's badass, right?

You put your ass through the door first.

yeah i walk in backwards and i do a moon against the door and then the fucking the door opens

nice and open the windows you like stick your hams on the uh on the window no no i just moon

the window and then the window opens yeah so i mean you stick your hams you put your hams back

you know you know you're on my hands i thought you said my hands no your hams h-a-m-s you know

yeah yeah h-a-m-s yeah that's what i did yeah there you go well we used to do that when i was

in high school we used to do we'll go hamming and we'll pull our pants down and put them against

the glass in the car uh at red lights next to people and that's what we call hamming because

they look like a you know hams yeah anyway hey let's do this prank call speaking of i did i did

this on my bike once though i i was on uh you know i got a motorbike right so i ride motorbike

only i pull the mood on my motorbike that's quite funny oh wow that's good did you fall

no no i just pulled it down a little bit yes hi i'm calling from the photo lab you have some

pictures that you left here oh hi um how many pictures is it well you tell me because we've

got a problem with a few of them unfortunately and then um you say what were these important

pictures because we sent them over to the united kingdom they get they get digitized you know we

get your photos they get sent digit digitized via the internet they get sent to london england

to be developed and they get sent back and we print them here you know it's all through the

computer machines and uh there was a gentleman and i have him on the line he can explain but

he's one of the developers and he was having some fun and he took the original prints and

he photoshopped some things on them um he i don't know were these important pictures did

you need them urgently or okay i'm just a little confused of why you guys have my photos and why

why you guys are doing that.

Well, you left your photos to be developed, you know?

Right, I totally understand that.

And when I went to pick them up,

I was told that they were not there

and that they had never been sent.

I went and I told them that I had phone calls from you guys

saying that my photos were ready.

Yeah.

Well, no, they've ended up over here in England.

That's why you don't have them.

Yeah, I got gin on the line.

Okay, well, don't you think that your trained professionals

professional should have been able to explain that to me when i actually went into the store

and asked them well i don't know about these guys in america you know they're all a bit you know

tippy tippy but i've what can i say yeah anyway so um well i mean i'm just saying this wasn't in

my app so i'm just a little confused but you know what um i actually i guess i don't need them

well listen you're a woman so that's why you're confused when i'm if you let me you know finish

what the problem is oh my god if you let me finish saying what the problem is instead of yappy yappy

yappa what yeah i've been trying to tell you for the last three minutes what the problem is with

the whole situation and you keep interjecting with your own opinions about the staff in hawaii

in the store there can i tell you now or do you still you still have more you need to tell me

honey sweetie what else what else is a problem everyone be quiet and listen to kai and what

what her problem is what else honey professor can i go now okay so anyway jen he mr stewart

he's develops the pictures in the united kingdom oh he's she's gone what a bitch is she gone yeah

she was gone she's gone for a while she pissed me off i was trying to do the prank

we got a new listener we got two new listeners in here tonight oh my god welcome screaming

Yeah listen

Hi I'm trying to explain what happened

I'm sorry I got upset

Listen I got a lot of shit to do

I'm a supervisor here okay

Hello

Can I ask you

What

Can you take me off a speakerphone please

Stupid because I can't hear you very well

Do you think you can do that honey

Alright fuck those guys

Alright they're pissing me off

They sound like shit I got another one here

That was good though Jen cause she was um

Hermano

Yes, Milkman, go ahead.

You got new listeners for us?

Yes, we got some new listeners.

Wow, my poachers.

Welcome to the Marriott Screamer.

Welcome.

All our new friends, we got the super show going tonight.

G-Stuck and Hermanito.

Hey, Hermanito, also, I'd like you to know, also,

Marriott Screamer's been around for a long time.

He is a major cigar aficionado.

This guy is one that you ought to get up with, man,

because he's got a great idea on a cigar, possibly, that should be made.

So why don't you get up with him later on after the show, bro?

Marijuana cigar. Okay, cool.

Yeah, I was about to say, does it contain marijuana?

It's called a Jeffrey.

It's called a fat cigar.

All right, here's Lindsay. She's left pictures, too.

You've sent them to the UK. That's a really good start, actually,

because we could probably really piss somebody off with that.

You said we found some inappropriate pictures. You could tell her that

Reach my phone

Thank you for the obvious. Oh, that is stupid. I milk my nose. We call my voicemail

It's me saying leave a message. I say on mine. Sorry. I can't take it cool

blah blah blah

three words for me

you get three words for me

all that bullshit

and I can't answer

no shit

leave a message

no shit

I'll call you back

no shit

you don't know you won't

all that bullshit

all those pleasantries

you know

three words

that's all I leave

leave a message

that's what you get

when you call my voicemail

leave a message

that's the whole point

that's what it is

leave a message

that's it

and if you don't want to

leave a message

fine

fuck you

be honest with you i don't listen to my voicemails ever i call back you know if i want yeah you're

right that's how far it is answer i don't i don't listen i can't tell you the message yeah

leave a message uh it's got a real mechanical voice just like so you know if you call and

somebody and you get that white voice leave a message you know you actually got the monito's

number because that's how he's for a while for a while i had the dead record a voicemail message

message for me. You called me and it was

the dead saying, you can't leave

with me. It was something like that. It was

really funny. I left you a voicemail

last week. That one you had, Jim

Nobles was there. Oh, dude, Jim Nobles.

Yeah, Jim Nobles is a good one. That one

from Jim Nobles was scary. Remember that voicemail?

Yeah, he said he was watching me. He said

look behind me, look behind you.

I am there. Hi, it's Shayla. Leave me

a message and I'll get back to you. Oh, shut up.

How big's your

dick, Shayla?

Okay.

Hi, it's Kayla.

Leave me a message and I'll get back to you.

She's on the phone over there.

Maybe we can get her later.

Let's try Big Judy.

I want to do...

How big?

Damn it.

Muckman, you horny tonight?

What's going on?

Take a cold shower.

I'm just fucking with Kayla Cleet.

Well, we don't call her many porn stars.

I thought, you know, point that out.

Hello.

Yes, hi.

Good evening.

I'm sorry to bother you.

I'm calling from the photo lab.

You have left some photos here, Judy, correct?

No.

You left them back on December 19th.

You haven't picked them up yet?

At what store?

At the Walgreens.

And when were you deciding to come pick up these photos that we've had sitting here collecting dust all this time?

What's the problem?

Wait, which Walgreens?

On Onewaha Street, 56 Onewaha Street.

Oahu Street?

Where's that?

Onewaha Street.

And we're from the corporate office.

So we're not local, but your reporter here is a delinquent photo developer customer.

No, I don't think I developed any pictures.

Yes, you did.

back in december 19th you develop pictures judy condis right here i have you down you never came

to pick them up what's the problem you don't have money when are you going to come pick the pictures

up that you made us make pay money to develop pictures for you um i picked up i don't remember

what year is that what do you mean what year is that last year december six weeks ago well give

me them give me um where i pick it up at at the walgreens your local walgreens in kalua

Kailua, Hawaii, 56 Onia, Wawa Street.

Okay, give me the number for there.

I'll call them.

I'm with the corporate office.

I just need to put down when you're going to pick up the stupid pictures.

When are you coming?

When?

Listen.

Who am I speaking to?

I'll just...

What?

This is Cross.

I command you to come pick up these pictures within the next three days,

or it's going to be trouble for you.

Is this understood?

And this is the Kailua office, right?

Kailua, yeah.

Okay.

Who am I speaking to?

This is Cross.

Your name is Cross?

Yep.

Okay.

So what can I expect you to come pick up these pictures from the store?

Hello, why does it take you five, ten seconds to answer each question?

Bye.

All right, here's the next one.

Reach the voicemail box of 8-0.

She's on to us, man.

Well, she didn't seem very playful.

The voicemail box of 8-

That one's not going through.

Let me try Sheila again so Milkman can ask about her tits since he's so interested.

Good idea, man.

Yeah, I know you like that.

definitely make sure don't turn it into rational scooters though yeah rational

ride if you drink some of this milk here granny we'll give you a ride

oh she's done answering all right let's hold off on some this is kaylee cleavage

can i take a ride on your rational scooter too yay lonesome says on the uh we got a number here

Here for someone who needs a ride to the south, Alabama or Tennessee area, ASAP, Jen.

Hey, everybody, I'm a UNM student.

I need to head to the south, Alabama or Tennessee, to visit family.

If anyone is driving from the west coast to the east coast area

or if anyone is driving on I-40, I could help you with gas and driving.

I'm in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and from here to Alabama is about 20 hours of driving.

I have done this drive many times in the past.

Geez, a confused signing guy answering the question.

Say serial killer.

Can you say I'm going to get my dick sucked here for a car ride?

Let's do it.

Can you say Nunu?

I don't know what's going on.

You don't know what's going on?

No.

This man wants a ride in a car.

That's all.

I don't have a car.

It's Nunu.

I have a motorcycle.

Ooh, even better.

There you go.

Because he gets to hug you from the back the whole way.

Nice.

He clinked.

I don't clink.

Charlie, lead out your shows.

You have reached score.

I'm not present in the moment.

Please leave me.

That's Jose.

You heard him?

My guy Jose.

Jose.

Try them again.

Damn, I had a good idea about that.

Fuck.

Yeah, reach for it.

Francisco.

All right, John is putting up a posting saying,

anybody going to Austin?

Ride needed.

Here we go.

Man, that's weird.

You know, people don't even hitchhike like that anymore.

They just go on Craigslist.

Coming into town Friday, would like to find a ride ASAP.

This guy's in Albuquerque also, New Mexico.

See if this guy answers here.

What are you calling me from Black Number?

You called me from Black Number.

It's a Skype caller now.

Is it really?

Yeah.

That's fucking gay.

Yeah, hi, you looking for a ride?

Yeah, I was. Where are you at?

Well, I'm headed to Austin. I'm in Albuquerque for the night, and then I'm going to be heading to Austin in a few days.

When did you need to go?

Actually, I made it all the way to Canyon Lake, if you're familiar with that.

Where's that at?

Just in between Austin and San Antonio, and it's like 30 minutes south of Wimberley.

You want me to pick you up?

We'll go together to Austin?

I'm going to the University of Austin.

I probably wouldn't mind a ride into town.

I'm not sure what time or what day you're going to be around, but, yeah, for sure.

I'm going to the University of Austin.

Where are you going?

Are you going to go, like, Monday, or what were you thinking?

I was thinking Monday, yeah, after the Super Bowl.

We're going to go down there, and I could use some company in the car.

Yeah, for sure.

Do you know about the unwritten law of the road?

So you're in Albuquerque tonight?

You're going to stay there?

Yeah, but do you practice the law, the unwritten law of the road?

You're breaking up a little bit, man.

Do you practice the unwritten law of the road?

What's the unwritten law?

Well, when I give you a ride, you know, you have to, you know, help me out a little bit here and there every few miles, you know what I mean?

Give me a few, give me a hand, you know?

All right, man. Have a good night, buddy.

No, but come on, I'll give you a ride.

I'll try them again.

I'm quoting a Kevin Smith movie.

Do they have Kevin Smith movies there in the UK?

Probably not.

Dude, I can hear your switchblades.

You can what?

I can hear your switchblades snapping.

There it is.

That dude's probably scared to death now, man.

He heard that fucking knife snapping.

Your call has been forwarded to an op.

Your computer ID is 17764-B.

Oh, no.

Attention, this is an automated computer system alert for 1st of February.

Your system speed and performance is below average.

Your computer protection service is not active.

Immediately go to www.gowss.com to re-activate computer protection and perform full system diagnostics and repair.

pair attention this is an automated computer what the fuck is that i don't know it just came in

i thought it was brad this is dude yeah dude copy that man we'll save that we'll use that on one of

our calls man we should make our own one and uh what was the one that you sent that lady to the

other week um uh you know with the with the sex on it and the one that does the yes meet spin yeah

Yeah, and you can do that one.

Please go to Meatspin.com.

Go to BlueWaffle.net, yeah.

50 spins?

Yeah, but isn't GeoWSS, isn't that the site that lets others...

Lemon Tree or some shit somebody else typed up there.

I never went to it, but they said that was pretty bad, too.

Well, that's...

Lemon Tree or some shit.

Lemonhead.

Milkman, let me talk, man.

Come on.

I think that's the one that lets people take remote control of your computer, doesn't it?

which one g-a-w-s-s or g-o-w-s-s i think i've heard of that before g-a-w-s-s i thought no

go to that site go to that site what did he say again i don't remember g-a-w-s-s and it just takes

you to a software download page uh softpedia for antiviruses it's bullshit yeah that's it yeah and

then they take then they call you back and they're like oh we got remote control that's just an

indian thing anyway i don't know why they came through is there skype spam now or is that just

one of our listeners being stupid i don't know weird who else is on the line between the three

of us no it came up and it's anybody else no it came up and it said online help maintenance

needed online help perform some maintenance in all caps yeah yeah is someone not on my

contact list contact list and they called in that's really oh i see a sqb.net yeah yeah there

There we go.

And you can't even call it if you want.

That's weird, man.

That's weird.

Anyway, well, good on them, man.

You know, someone's trying to hack us.

Very stranger.

Someone's hacking us.

Okay.

Let's continue here with some more pranks.

We already called Albuquerque.

That didn't go very far.

Oh, that reminds me.

Hey, real quick, because I've got to get a nice soft drink of refreshment.

We could take a pop.

Oh, I've got beer.

I've got beer for the first time in fucking history.

street i got beer oh no drink your beer i haven't got it here now it's in the fridge but i might get

it uh later i've got um well you know what i've got i've got cause light do you know cause light

ew yeah okay that's yeah it's good it tastes all right i had one the other week and i thought

shit that's not bad all right well hey last week jen you weren't here for this but milkman you were

falling asleep uh me death fox uh brad not brad me death fox ken and baz were calling a run

run around to a motel six in maryland and calling the rooms and giving the people in the room shit

jen you used to do this used to call motel yeah i used to do the wake-up calls in motel six and i

used to try and throw them out early so that was fun and the orgy calls and all that yeah that's it

yeah i'm having an orgy in room 213 or something you want to come over and join us this one guy

was really thinking about it you know he was like yeah sure i'll be there you know i was like yeah

Yeah, the female-to-male ratio is quite high, so you need to come over.

Yeah, there you go.

There you go.

But anyway, so I called.

Yeah, listen, I called it.

Hermano did.

It was all blacks, you know, that were getting in.

I was saying, hey, this is a whites-only room.

You can't be in here.

should have you should have told them that they were doing a click like sky rally or

something shit well i was also saying what else that they were making loud sex noises and they

were masturbating and uh renting a lot of porno movies we did uh we were saying that oh you know

you guys friend a lot of point anyway so we gave them shit uh brad took it upon himself after the

the show last week uh to call the front front desk at that hotel and uh post is the corporate

office and it's seven minutes long but it's really funny this will allow me enough time to go get my

drink gin you can go get your beer if you want real quick you got enough time yeah i don't know

if i'll get it now i'll probably get it later in the show it's early all right well let's play this

real quick and uh we'll be right back um i'll play the whole thing because it's pretty funny

but if you heard last week's show was good if you didn't this is even funnier brad did a good

Good job with this call.

So kudos to Brad.

Listen to this.

Be right back.

Motel 6, I'm Dan.

Hello, this is Mark from the corporate office with Motel 6.

Yes, sir.

We were getting some complaints from your location there.

Were you having a problem or anything?

Yes, we are.

What type of complaints?

People are saying they were receiving phone calls about noise complaints and pay-per-view charges.

Okay, and that's a prank caller,

and we're trying to find a way to scan the phone and find out where it's coming from.

Scan the phone?

Is that something that's built into the system there?

We do not have a caller ID to see where the call is coming from.

I see.

They've called the front desk as well this evening,

and we were still unable to find out their location.

Oh.

A few of the guests have called down,

and we have put a do not disturb on their phone,

but that's the most we can do at this time.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, we might need to send out our tracing equipment

equipment to hook up to your phone system there at that location has it been a problem for a while

now or is it just tonight yes it's been a problem for a while oh i see there's no guests down there

right now like complaining or anything because we've received several okay no no there's none

here right now um what you might want to do is call the um regional manager monday morning and

i will let him know that um this is of the help desk correct yeah okay well i'll have him call

Well, call him Monday morning and let him know that you can send the scan equipment to us.

Okay, I can definitely do that.

How many complaints have you had tonight?

Several.

It's been four so far since the time of 3 o'clock.

And a few deaths that are here on a regular basis, they've been getting them too.

Oh, I see.

Okay, so it's been an ongoing thing all week or something?

Yes.

It sounds like something Death Fox would do, but I'm not sure.

We're not completely sure about that.

Mm-hmm.

What's the worst complaint you've had?

Like, have you had anybody down there angry?

No, they've been pretty moderate and considerate about it, even in calling.

Oh, they've just been calling?

They haven't been visiting the front desk?

One young lady came down to see this morning.

Oh, okay.

That's terrible.

Actually, I'm the prank caller.

I'm the one that's been doing all this.

I just thought it would be funny to have you describe what's been going on to me.

Okay.

So we're not going to be sending a tracer to you or anything?

No, that's quite all right because we're having it scanned right now.

I know your voice.

How do you have it scanned?

Oh, you know my voice from earlier?

Yes, I do.

Because I called so much earlier?

And you called approximately like two to three weeks ago, and I've talked to you before.

Oh, you remember my voice from then, too?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, gosh, I really screwed up there, didn't I?

Okay, so as I say, you're doing what you're doing,

and I don't know what type of pleasure you're getting out of this.

Sexual pleasure.

Because that's until other people sleep.

Definitely sexual pleasure, ma'am.

There's no pleasure?

No, no, I said sexual pleasure is the kind of pleasure I'm getting from it.

That is so deranged.

I know, it's crazy.

I need to seek help.

I really do.

Why don't you do that, then?

I mean, who can help me?

A psychologist, babe.

I can't afford a psychologist.

They have them for free.

Where?

Who has them for free?

Go to the hospital, and they will admit you and give you counseling.

A hospital's not free.

They charge a bunch of money.

Go and they will give you a payment plan.

They will help you.

Do you think they'll give me narcotics?

Dude, I think that I cannot tell you, but right now, if you're getting sexual pleasure from that,

narcotics is not going to help you.

Oh, it'd make me feel better about it.

Narcotics is going to give you a very different effect.

Narcotics would keep me occupied in other ways.

No, but then it could also ruin your house and do other dangerous things to you.

Come on.

Yeah, that's what it can do to you.

Actually, it will ruin more brain cells than the little brain cells that you do have.

It will screw them up.

That was mean.

That was not a nice thing to say.

Sexual pleasure, there's other ways to get it other than disturbing people in the middle of the night.

That's crazy.

Satisfy yourself without using other people.

No, that's crazy.

That's impossible.

Darling, don't you know people do it every time?

That's what masturbation is.

You don't have to mess with other people in order to get satisfaction.

That's what I've been telling other people tonight in the rooms, but they don't believe me.

You don't need other people to get sexual satisfaction.

All right.

I'm not actually a prank caller.

I'm just messing with you.

All right.

Well, you have a good evening, and please stop calling out callers.

No, I'm one of the people in the rooms.

And please stop calling out callers.

Okay.

No, no.

I haven't called anyone in the rooms.

I'm actually a guest here.

And why would you call me and play on my phone if you were not the prank caller?

Well, I was trying to get you back because I thought you called me and you told me it was a whites-only room,

I mean, I was offended by that.

Now, you know there's no such thing here at Motel 6.

I have no idea.

That is so sick, friend.

Please, seek some help.

No, you called me and said it was whites only, and that was very offensive.

Oh, my God, I'm praying for you.

You know that?

As we speak right now, I'm asking the Lord to bless you.

I'm praying for you.

And to get your mind together.

I'm praying for you because you shouldn't be like that.

Find some other activities so that you can stop intruding on other people's lives,

verbally or otherwise.

You need some help, friend.

Okay, well, I'm leaving a note here.

We're going to send out the tracer first thing on Monday morning,

and you should have it by Monday night.

I'm praying for you, too.

God bless you.

Hey, listen, did you know you can turn off the automated system

so they can't call into rooms like that?

Darling.

It's just a switch.

You just turn it off.

You already know that because you know there are rooms that you've called before

floor that you can't reach again no no no i'm sorry you're putting you know listen you're

putting do not disturb on individual rooms you could shut off the whole automated system so

they have to go through you and you can deny them when they call in i'm just trying to help

so much knowledge of this system in this hotel have you worked here before no no i'm calling

from the corporate office and the corporate office will call and say the things that you

just said to me well i'm in the help that's why i'm professional but i'm just a night person i'm

daytime people do you know that they record their calls that go out there too well yeah i would

assume so okay well then why would you call here and get your and jeopardize your job my i'm just

trying to help like if you turn off the system then anyone calling in they'll have to talk to

you personally and you can say no i'm not going to transfer you to that room okay and then then

people won't get bothered you don't have to do the do not disturb thing individually okay well i'll

I'll take that suggestion in heart.

But I am truly praying for you, whoever you are and however you are.

Okay, I'm praying for you, too.

Thank you.

And make sure you be sincere, okay?

Oh, no, I always am.

And I pray that you get the help that you need.

I will, I will, I promise.

So that you can stop the things that you're doing.

I'm going to look into the hospital thing.

Okay.

Okay, I will, I promise, first thing in the morning.

All right, you have a good day.

You, too, and good night.

I love you.

There you go.

follow-up call to last week's calls of the motel six where we were racist and crude and nasty and

rude that was brilliant he did a great job good job good job bradley all right let's continue

with our own prank calls for the night let's try to turn this ship around we got a bass player

needed asap two ben milkman can't do it because he cut his finger off doom punk trash yeah man i

That guy I'm hitting with is a meat cleaver.

I'll tell you what, screaming is a hell of a bass player, man.

That's what you need to get on bass.

There you go.

Doom, Punk, and Trash Band looking in need of a reliable bass player.

Jesus, Punk.

All right.

With their own equipment.

We have a show coming up on the 7th and 9th of Feb.

Eight songs down, most of them recorded, tabbed out, blah, blah, blah.

Who cares?

They need a bass player, you know?

Where can I go with that?

I could say I play the bass drum.

Let's see if I have any songs that say bass drum.

Hey, did you see that drop box?

Yeah, yeah, I got it. Thanks, man.

Oh, okay.

Armando, check in the PVD for the folder with Jen's name on it, man.

It's funny.

Okay.

You could tell the guy you play the tambourine,

and you're wondering if perhaps there's a need for somebody like you instead of the bass player.

You say a tambourine is better than a bass.

It's totally opposite.

These are pictures.

See, all you got to do is, like, take out part of that line there, Jen,

and just leave that top line on there, and you can put that on your website, you know?

Wow, gin healing for women.

Yeah, yeah.

There you go.

I'm in massage spa for women only.

Oh.

Gin, he is.

He is very posh, man.

He's got a very nice style.

Gin's like, I only want women here in my gym.

Yeah, in my spa.

He sneaks a finger in.

Yeah, for those that don't actually know what the fuck we're talking about,

let me just say what we're doing.

We've got a picture here that Milkman sent me

um where he's he's gone past and taking a picture of this place this place is called

gin healing for women and it's like a chinese shop uh where you can go in and get massages

or something but it's strictly for women only it's hot man i want to work there oh

this is gin's chinatown office it's beautiful man i want you to come inside so i can give you

massage his side massage i want to touch all your body yeah hi you need bass player guy yeah oh what

um what is bass playing for what is doing for what what is the bass for band oh where's band

going what where is band going to play bass at five your pad yeah how many in band playing cars

and guitars and music one one person playing now that's not bad that's not banned as artist

solo artist what who does uh who else in band and you need bass yes oh and i have my guitar

right i what i play bass guitar yeah do i play bass

i thought it'd be some kind of weird the dead burn out there for a second he's like yeah right

right i was trying to do this man you're really ripped i was trying to do an indian with cerebral

your call has been my name is johnny redcorn johnny redcorn played bass all right johnny

redcorn uh that was stupid okay uh we got another one here looking for a ride if you live close we

can work out a ride if you want to try out hit me up in the west side all right cool in albuquerque

Jen do you want to do one of these ride calls man? You haven't done a call yet. Let me catch all your buddy

Okay. No, I don't want to call that one. Okay

Hey, is there a number on that sign?

Yeah, there is a number on that sign

I'm not gonna let Jen and you guys see it, but it's up to Janet distributed. I

Picked that one for him. I thought that'd be cool

If they're not open, are they open now? Do you know what?

you know the latest the lesbian girls coming in now i don't know not i'm thinking not i i'm

kind of let me save it let me say because i i haven't fucking done it i haven't done any

youtube calls in months and people are fucking spamming my email just do it and see if there's

anybody answers and just do the old wrong number trick oh i'm sorry i got a wrong number

maybe we're in the middle of a call at least i can say in that will you pay attention look man

Thank you.

Is that lady still there?

No, she's gone.

Oh, that was fucking brilliant.

He's in the middle of talking.

He's like, yeah, we got the wrong number, guy.

Oh, yeah.

You know what you got to do is call, so you got a wrong number.

Ho, ho, ho.

Go, go, go, go.

All right.

Sorry.

Sir.

All right, Milkman.

We're dialing now.

Be quiet.

What is your agent?

That's my business.

Sorry.

All right.

Thank you for calling this bus service group.

How may I help you?

Yeah.

Hi.

Hello.

Is this Jin's Day Spa, Jin Stewart?

Jin Helen Massage for Women, right?

What do you mean?

So which location do you want to make an appointment?

Call center.

Make an appointment for a perfect day spa and a Jin Helen.

Yeah, it's $25 for 30 minutes?

$25?

Oh, no.

How much is it?

It says $25 for 30 minutes.

In a perfect day spa, it's $6 for one hour at least.

We don't do half hour.

It says Jin healing

Healing it's eight for one hour. We don't do half hour, but I'm looking right now at the window

It says $25 for 30 minutes. I'm looking at the window now. Yeah, if you buy the package, it's cheaper

And we only service for women. Yeah lady my wife. She wants an experience with another woman

Is it a woman who touches her or a man?

It's all the female issues

Oh, so the females will touch her and everything, her body, and look at her naked and talk about how pretty she is?

That's what she wants?

Yes.

Good, good. And they'll give her a massage inside and outside?

No.

Will they give uterus massage?

We only do body massage inside.

Inside the body?

Do the body massage in our local store, not go outside.

side no but okay my wife goes inside and she lays down and you massage her inside her uterus and her

body and her vagina and everything you know no sorry i cannot catch you do you know what do you

want to make an appointment or no do you know what the uterus is sorry i think you give some

real give the real number no it's right number it's jen stewart healing for women so do you

want to make an appointment or no yes for me you want to make an appointment yeah i come down i

I come down, yeah.

Which location?

The one that says Gin Healing for Women.

We have four locations.

Which location do you want to make?

Wall Street.

I'm sorry?

Wall Street.

No, we only have Gary, Monterey, Satter, and Power.

I'll do Satter.

Okay, Satter.

On which day and what time?

Oh, as soon as possible.

I'm going to wear a wig so they think I'm a woman,

and then they do the massage for me.

Oh, no, sorry.

You're going to sound rumber.

Bye-bye.

Jen, I don't know.

Her fucking opposite is Powell Street.

It's Chattatown, Powell Street.

I'm not going to say anymore.

I didn't realize.

Sorry, I didn't know you wanted me to do it.

But I'm saving it, basically, because I want to do some tube calls.

And that's a really good number for me.

Yeah, massage the tube.

There you go.

I want to get a massage.

Hello.

Please touch my boobies.

All right, here's a ride.

Someone wants to get a ride or give a ride?

All right, here we go.

I'm going to offer to give the blowjob this time.

You see the tracks, the rails out right in front of that place, Jim?

Yeah.

Okay, that's the cable car route.

Oh, yeah?

San Francisco, yeah.

Rice-a-roni.

I won the wide.

That's where that picture's taken at, that hill there.

Rice-a-roni hill.

You never hear about Rice-a-roni anymore.

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

That's a pretty good sneeze, Jim.

I like that.

Oh, I just faked it.

I know, that's what I'm saying.

It was good.

I know you were spying.

Uh-huh.

Come on, man.

Yeah, rice and runny, man.

They made that into a great parting gift for most of your game shows.

I think rice and runny.

Rice is rice, and a couple others still use it.

Yeah, there you go.

Here's another ride.

Need to ride to Santa Rosa to Tucson.

I want a ride, please.

Give me a ride.

My girlfriend and I are in Santa Rosa heading to the Gem Show in Tucson.

Our car broke, and now we're stuck.

Let me talk to him, man.

Let me do this.

Come on.

Oh, dude, their car broke down halfway in this trip, and they're begging for a ride.

Let me push this.

I'm going to ask them for a ride.

There you go.

We have $40 to chip in towards gas.

We also have our things, so a ride with cargo space would be best.

Willing to leave some things behind if needed or to have some things on our laps.

Holy shit.

God.

Ask them if they can loan you some money.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

please help we've been here all night trying to hitch a ride here being the truck stop

please call me if you can't help us wow that just seems desperate all right jen here we go

i want to call them i get a ride can i get the ride i want to get a ride please

all right here you go please record your message when you finish recording i'll try it again

that'd have been a good one damn it yeah but if it's coming up with skype caller then

he might as well come up prank caller yeah he's not picking out at the time damn it man yeah and

i think there's a link i can go to to set the caller id to come up as a name i'm gonna work on

that you should like if you've got a skype in number then the skype in number will come up

i think it costs like um however many dollars per month or something and you get like um a number

that you can choose but the thing is you've only got one area code then and if you're calling from

from that area code to some other, you know, whatever state,

then they're going to know immediately that you're calling from out of state,

and they're going to be like, oh, you're calling from out of state?

Roast beef sandwich, yep.

What the fuck?

I don't know.

I've got another ride here, Albuquerque.

Okay, this person is offering a ride.

This is what I'm looking for.

I'm offering ride services for $15 an hour.

Wow.

In the southeast Albuquerque area, 20 for the northeast heights, blah, blah, blah.

So this guy's basically trying to do his own taxi thing.

He's got a Subaru sedan with plenty of trunk space.

Dude, ask Chris to go out and ride in his lap.

There you go.

I like that idea.

Ride in your lap.

All right.

Work into that.

Yeah, work into that.

You know how you do.

Like the roommate calls.

You can do it, Cully, too.

Yeah, work it in, man.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

You're offering rides in Albuquerque?

I need a ride to work.

Okay.

What time are you picking up?

Well, is this for a regular thing or just one-time rides?

It can be, like, both.

It depends on what you need.

Are you a taxi machine or are you just on your own kind of thing?

I just got my own car, so I just don't take regular.

Cool.

That's cool.

You're a safe driver and everything.

You have insurance and then all the clean cars.

Yeah, yeah.

All right.

So I'm looking for Monday through Friday, and I need to get to work by 7.45 a.m.,

sometimes 7.30 so I can get a coffee next door.

Yeah, that's not going to work.

because i have actually classes um seven to like 12 what about rides home at 5 p.m does that work

um it depends on what days uh any days you have because i have i have a guy uh on tuesdays um

what about what about wednesday thursday what about wednesdays or thursdays any of those days

will help out uh wednesdays um i think i can do that well let's see what uh what are you in

Well, you'd be picking me up.

I'm over on the west side.

And then you need a ride to where?

To Albuquerque, the southeast side of town.

Okay.

Have you looked at the ad that's for the pricing and stuff?

Do you remember?

Yeah, I saw the pricing.

And, I mean, if it's a regular thing, you know, we get comfortable together, you know, I'd be willing to, you know, barter a little bit.

Like every once in a while, you know, just, you know, I don't know.

I mean, would you be into that?

Maybe if I, you know, helped you out a little bit.

Uh, yeah, I mean...

You know, like, I'll let you put the head in, just the head, sometimes, if you want.

Do the what?

Yeah, I'll let you just put the tip in, just the head, sometimes, if you want, even.

Just pay a head, or...?

No, I can let you put the head in, just the tip, just the head.

Like, just put the tip in inside me, sometimes.

Oh, no, dude, I'm sorry.

No, but just the...

Please don't call me again.

But just...

No, thanks.

Just the head.

Just the head, that's not gay.

It's, you know...

Just the head isn't gay.

ask you if he's uber man because these guys are doing this shit with

uber now they're just driving their little cars around picking shit up eventually they're gonna

get in trouble man they ain't got to have insurance for any of that shit uber uber

yeah they're gonna close that shit down there's people all around now trying to shut them down

starting law cases against them what the hell's uber what is that uber is the german word for

over or not over it's like uh uber is uh above like superior like they were the uber right no

it's not really superior it's just they're trying to beat out cab service yeah jen your

grandfather was uber he used to say i'm uber to the jews and i'm uber to the negroes

his grandpa rock scientist man but you know jen's grandpa was people don't real

i am the uber all right i'm sorry yeah we are flying the plane from deutschland to england

with the bombs we go right the von braun was his mentor and i'm serious dude yeah

werner von braun yeah man nazi guy that's nazi guy that made the saturn v rocket hell yeah

Yeah, his grandpa, Grandpa Jin, mentored Wernher von Braun.

Yeah, he modeled the Center V Rocket after an archery tip.

Yeah, exactly.

You're a cunt.

All right, so the Uber taxi, Uber cars are going after the taxis.

It's a big war now.

Yeah, okay.

You see it's like pink-ass gay looking, like a stuffed animal mustache.

mustache it's about as wide as it almost as wide as the grill in the car hanging off that shit

that's what that is man i don't know what you're talking about that sounds crazy no they got okay

you see this car driving around it's a regular it's a regular town you know normal car man and

then this thing's got a mustache just about three feet long or more maybe and it's probably about

oh six or eight inches wide shaped like a pink mustache and that's my okay you get a yeah you

You get an Apple iPhone from them, and all it does is basically let you just do the Uber shit.

They contact you when somebody's close to you and offer you the fare.

Okay.

So, you know, as you're picking up fares and shit, they'll pay you in, like, two weeks later,

and they'll send you the money for those fares.

That doesn't sound safe at all.

It's all done through the stupid-ass phone, dude.

And the thing is, man, is, like, these could be anybody.

You could like go out and like I guess steal a car basically and don't have to have insurance or anything

You know and just like go picking people up. No, that's that's not right. That's not right, dude

I would never get in a car like that. All right. Here's another guy offering a ride. Let's begin. Let's go, man. Yep

I can be a gay partner if you like and then we can try that way. All right, buddy

You are available to take your call.

Please leave a message.

Thank you for calling.

Yeah, hi.

Hello?

Hola.

Hey, yes, you're offering rides?

¿Cómo estás?

No hablo inglés.

¿Cómo que no hablo inglés?

No hablo inglés.

Are you serious or no?

What's going on?

It says you need a lift to Oklahoma City or Tulsa?

Hello?

No sé.

Pendejo.

No sé.

El banco de la madre.

What

a dumbass.

What the fuck's his problem?

He's just joking around.

You're a fucking guy.

Dude, he was faking it, man.

He wasn't no fucking Spaniard.

Yeah.

Spaniard.

Embarco.

Embarco de la madre.

Go back and fuck with me.

Lay some Spanish lingo on him, man.

Yeah, put some on him.

Some salsa music.

All right.

Sue says...

Sue was looking for a round-trip ride.

Wanted for February 8th to the 10th.

I need a ride to Boise and back, leaving Lewiston area.

Wow.

There you go.

I could help with gas, stable, middle-aged...

Ask her if she can help sexually, you know, on the way.

Give a little bit of sexual satisfaction.

Yeah, there you go.

She says she doesn't drink, drug, or smoke.

I don't know.

Respectful of your spaces.

Oh, and if you're going to Boise at a later day, I could accept a paying passenger.

Let me know.

Okay, whatever, lady.

Here, this lady wants to go to Boise, Idaho.

Home of the potatoes, man.

Good potatoes from there.

Jen, are you a potato fan?

Probably not.

Potatoes?

Yeah, you like them?

Yeah, why not?

There you go.

Boise to men.

Boise to many.

Your call has been forwarded to an auto message to

Try again

Calls are weird tonight, nothing really good

Yeah, fucking, who's confirming these numbers?

Lonesome

He's got a bunch of

You know how they are, man

They come and go, there'll be some good ones

Faison

I do think it was funny, the guy was like

When I told him he could stick his tip in

He's like, oh dude, no

Let's call Faizan, all right?

Let's turn this ship around.

Yeah, invite her to your office there, Jim.

I'll invite her to my ark.

Hello, Faizan.

How are you?

Good.

It's Mr. Stewart.

What?

Mr. Stewart, Mr. Stewart, it's me.

How are you?

It's been a long time.

It's been a few weeks.

That's polite, isn't it?

She don't like you.

Wow, she must have been mobile, man.

You got this.

Call her right back in the air.

Yes, sir.

God, I wasn't ready for that.

Whoops.

She is very happy to see you, man.

She just turns on the side.

She's missing you, man.

She's had enough of me.

All right.

Maybe she's gone.

Maybe it's just that time of the month or whatever, but she's up into it tonight.

All right, here's the Himalayan kitchen.

Indian guy.

Here we go.

Indian guy?

Here we go, yep.

Indian guy.

Can I take this?

Sure, man.

I thought you would like this.

I got a whole bunch of Indian restaurants, so let me post it.

Oh, wicked.

Your favorite.

All right.

This will make old Ginny happy, old Ginger over there.

Himalayan restaurant.

Excellent.

Very.

Hello, how are you?

Can I talk to the man of the house, please?

Sorry?

I want to talk to the man of the house.

Yeah.

Hello?

Yes, you can come with me.

Oh, excellent.

You are the man of the house, aren't you?

Yes, sir.

I want to round up all the people in the restaurants and get them onto my ark immediately.

There's a big flood coming, and I want to embark them all on my mothership.

Can I do that?

Oh, sorry?

I want to get everybody on my ship, on my ark, on my mothership.

Oh, yeah.

It's outside. I'm coming with it immediately.

The flood is coming, so we have to wait for the rain, because at the moment there's no water.

But when the Himalayas give away all the water, then I will come.

on my ark and we'll embark everybody will embark onto the ship and you will be first

and you will command them on and you will say get onto the ship onto the ark embark the ark

that's what you will say can i hear you say that please yeah it sounds like a movie no i wouldn't

say it would you say embark the ark yeah glad to be armed yeah that's great what do you mean

I want you to say it say it. Yeah. Yeah, I want you to say embark the ark you idiot

Yeah, what do you mean? Yeah, say it say it. Let me hear it in your voice

What are you stupid what's wrong with you? Yeah, I'm not stupid like you you are stupid like you you idiot like your mother

You son of an hour

He was pulling it along.

He's trying to answer you.

He just couldn't understand.

He repeats it.

Aww.

I will try good karma.

I want somebody to say repeat something.

Give him about ten minutes.

You think good karma is going to get angry?

They shouldn't.

They're going to give me bad karma.

Good karma, who am I?

Mr. Stewart?

Yes, hello, how are you?

This is Mr. Stewart.

Okay.

Excellent.

Very good.

I want you to say after me.

Can you repeat?

Excuse me?

I want you to repeat after me.

I'm going to say something, and I want you to repeat it.

Could you please hang up?

I have caller ID, and I'm going to report you to police, okay?

Are you?

Why?

Who is singing in the background?

Put them on the phone.

Is that your wife?

It's your mother.

Let me speak to your mother, please.

Let me speak to your mother.

Get that lady on the phone, please.

Hello?

What the fuck?

He didn't even say anything to me, and he's going to call the cops.

Oh, my.

I'm going to call police.

Oh, what's he going to say to the police?

Oh, somebody with a Skype caller called me.

And said, repeat after me.

He could not bless order properly.

He canceled order.

I called police.

He canceled order.

Oh, shit.

Socks.

What the fuck?

Which one are you calling now?

I'm trying to call him back.

Thank you for calling Good Karma Restaurant.

Open daily for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

If you would like to make a reservation for me, I will be sure.

All right.

A bountiful royal India

Here we go

I am bountiful

I have big natural breasts

I am bountiful

Oh man

And it gets some indigestion

You know some gastric indigestions

I don't have that problem

Because you don't eat anything

You eat like fucking rabbit food

All you do is drink rainwater and drink alcohol

Oh rainwater

rain water i'm gonna ask if they get me some rain water

all right let's try it again see we don't get a beep now fuck it you can just get i'll try

bombay grill if that one i don't know about indians grilling how does it sound good yeah

it's quite if you if you get like none it's quite nice like plain none dude they're great man

all right who's the best grillers out there mongolians i think no i think greeks uh

Nah, Mongolian grill, man.

No, come on, Greek.

Mongolians.

German.

German grill?

Germans don't know how to grill anything.

Well, fuck off, man.

We've got a big grill and we just put sausage on it and then we eat it.

It's not...

Yeah, whatever.

That's not grilling.

That's the easiest grilling is sausage.

In all honesty, I think the Americans probably are the best grillers.

Dude.

Because, you know, all this grill shit is coming from America, isn't it, really?

Texas, man, no.

They say it's the Australians is what I heard.

I heard that grill.

Ah, fucking Jose, my jeez.

Fucking, we know how to grill.

Fucking put that thing on the fucking grill, and then we cook it.

Oh, lovely.

Assholes.

Assholes, you know who's underrated grilling is the South Americans, Argentinians.

They do a lot of grilled beef, man.

Good grilling over there.

They use that sour orange.

They baste their meat in a sour orange.

It's good, man.

Too bad Jim doesn't eat it.

I'm going great.

Right there, come on.

There you go.

Here's your girl.

Hello.

Hey, how you doing?

Hi there.

Don't forget to napkin.

Yeah, hi there.

How are you?

This is Mr. Stewart, and I want to come in there, and I want to make a reservation.

Excuse me?

What's wrong with you?

I want to make a reservation.

For tomato?

No, for tonight.

No, we are closed almost.

Oh.

But I want you to be open for me.

Excuse me?

I want to put the tip inside.

Okay?

Okay, I want to put in the tip. Do you know tip?

Hold on. Talk to my husband.

Okay, I want to talk to your husband.

Hello?

Yeah, hi there. This is Mr. Stewart. How are you?

Excuse me?

I said this is Mr. Stewart. What's wrong with you, asshole?

You need tip?

Yeah, I want to come inside there, and I want to put the tip inside.

Can I put the tip in? Do you know what a tip is?

No.

Oh, it's where you tip the waiter.

Father, you don't need the tip. If you don't eat here, how do you get the tip?

Okay, I want to eat there first and then I want to give you a tip. But first, I want to know if you've got water.

What? What do you got?

Water. Rainwater. I only drink rainwater and it's purest form.

Sorry sir, right now it's closed.

But I want you to open.

Oh, that's not your law. That's my way of making a decision.

I want you to open so I can put the tip inside.

Sorry, I don't need your tip.

why not

I'm gonna give you the tip

the tip

he's oblivious

I don't want your tip

oh we lost milkman

where'd milkman go

milky

he gave up

he's like oh I don't want

all that's talk about tip

he got

he got overwhelmed

with horniness

he's gonna put his tip

in there

I got lost here

you get one of those eggs

you get one of those

gin steward

sexual masturbation eggs

is that what you did

milkman

put the tip in

what are the

You sent me a Tenga, man.

That was really bomb, man.

Thanks, Jen.

I really appreciate that.

I'm going to get some of those.

Jen, send me one of your Tenga eggs, man.

Fuck off.

Yeah, why do you want one of mine, you dickhead?

I'm using them.

I want to taste it, you know, a little bit.

You're disgusting!

Can you fry it after you use it?

You can fry it like an egg, right?

Actually, you know what?

To be in all fairness, they don't last very long.

Yeah, you won't.

Literally, you can use it three or four times.

That's it.

It's finished.

Can you microwave it first? It's warm. Yeah, I put it in hot water

Hi, I'm the supervisor for Jim and I'm sorry Jim he said he wants to put a tip in you know

It's the head of the penis. He just wants to put the the top of it

Mr. Stewart, yeah, I'm mr. Cross and even you are drunk or you are a brain in something are different

The brain is something different. We have sex. You are stupid. You say nonsense words. Why do you say nonsense?

Okay, we have you don't have to call. Yes, we do

I do if you if you want food and respect you can call if you don't want to respect don't come here

We want ass. Why don't you want the tip? I don't understand just that you need to go school. Then you come back

Okay, we just want you said you don't want tip that they don't get any business. Do you you idiot?

You understand what I'm saying?

No, I don't. You understand what I'm saying.

Okay, that'll be fine. First you go to school.

Otherwise you go to church tomorrow morning.

Go to prayer.

Then come back here.

I go to the mosque. I'm a Muslim.

Whatever. You're a Muslim. I don't care.

God is one.

Allah Akbar.

Go whatever you believe.

Go to prayer. Then come back here.

You should accept tips over there.

Why don't you accept tips?

Then I talk to you. Who are you?

I'm talking to now. I'm Mr. Stewart.

Huh?

I'm Mr. Stewart.

Huh?

Let me call him again. I like that guy.

I like that guy.

Go pray and come back here.

And you have to go pray?

First you go to school and then you come here.

You have to respect?

Go pray and come back here.

You have to respect and then you call back who are you?

Let me try this one. I'm sorry for interrupting before sir. Yeah, that's all right

So I thought you're calling a new number. No, I was gonna ask him about Tenga

Yes gonna complain

Yes, I you did you say respect yes, how much respect do you need okay?

No, no, don't trace

No asshole fuck shit pussy

You are number already, please stay thing.

Can I speak to the woman so I can kiss her?

Okay, yeah, just a second.

Just a second.

Yeah, let me do your wife.

Okay, okay, just a second.

Okay, I'll respect her.

Hello.

Hi.

Hello.

Hello, yeah, how are you?

I'm fine.

What's your name?

My name?

Yes.

My name is Bob Singer.

Your name is Bob Singer?

You know Singer?

You idiot.

You know Singer?

You are an idiot.

You are an Ulu Kapata. Do you know what that is?

Hello?

Hello? Ulu Ulu. Do you know what an owl is?

You are the son of an owl.

Yeah, yes, ma'am.

They have a guy, and I'm calling Bombay Grill restaurant.

Oh!

That guy, I'm calling Bombay Grill restaurant.

The guy, he harassing me almost 20 times call.

20? Isn't that fucking cool?

What a liar.

He's another liar.

He's lying.

He's crazy.

Yeah, he's calling a restaurant.

The cops are like, I don't care.

He's stupid.

Yeah, I got his number, telephone number.

He's still online.

3035 Bichenton Boulevard.

They're going to come over there and arrest you, stupid

idiot Indian. Bhenchod.

Bhenchod.

That Indian restaurant, Bombay Grill.

Yes, ma'am.

This is interesting.

Interesting.

Yes.

Ah, he's crazy.

He has sex.

He's not nice.

He's talking bad.

Tell her that we say to have sex with a woman.

Ah, he kind of just make us crazy.

Yes, hello.

Hello, hello.

I am Mr. Stewart and I've got two big nuts.

We're still here.

We want respect.

Give us respect.

Let me talk to the lady.

Hello, lady.

Can you hear me?

Tell that man to shut up.

Yeah, you need to send a police guy.

Your name is Dresen, man.

My name is Jasper.

Paul.

Dresen.

Pau?

I'm talking to Jackpot.

He's out.

He's not right?

Yes, I'm on the phone.

Right.

Yes.

Are you ringing the next guy?

Yep.

Alright, do you want me, can I start this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, boss, may I help you?

Hello, how are you?

Good, how are you?

I'm alright.

I was in the restaurant earlier and I was in the laboratory and I was trying to,

I was trying to warm up my tank but the hot water was very cold.

The what?

I said the hot water was cold.

the hot water was coming up cold I don't understand what you said I said I was

there earlier this evening in the restaurant and I went into the laboratory and I

was trying to heat up my Tenga but it was cold do you understand the water was

cold okay I'm closing around 5 o'clock yeah what's going on over there tell

that man to be quiet

You want telephone number?

Where people are calling from?

What are you guys talking about?

What's going on?

Yeah, it's pretty funny to call here like that.

We have actually,

for the last two weeks, we have actually

been recording here in Polo City.

You're an idiot. Shut up your mouth there.

Yeah, you shut the fuck up, okay?

You need to watch your mouth.

Are you calling from that Skype number?

Hey, if you talk to me like that,

you shut up and come there

and I'll punch you in the mouth.

do let's get him excited man rick kill the other guy no he's still on hey did you hear that original

man bombay grill bombay grill yeah we hate indian people did you know that he finally hung up

the other guy just got pissed off because he heard the other yeah i know you're calling

like skype now buddy asshole bastard you call another restaurant on my call i hang up

oh god oh man

let's make an order please uh it's okay we're closed thank you no fuck you

bitch you stupid bitch bhenchod hello yeah hi let's make an order for bhenchod

What do you need?

For Bhenchod?

The lady, the guy is telling her to hang up.

Telling her to hang up.

I do.

That's epic.

I got to do that guy again.

He's funny.

He's all pissed off.

This is so confusing.

Oh, man.

Can you help me help you?

Yes, hi.

Was there a problem?

You wanted us to trace a call?

Yeah, it's already facing.

It's probably facing the last two weeks because we had a problem with it before.

Oh, what happened?

You are a little lying shit.

It's okay.

We have our problem.

They will contact you pretty soon.

Soon, shortly.

Is that your mother that was on there?

Because I like to talk to her.

Thank you.

She sounds pretty.

Oh, my God.

This is a weird fucking night.

Okay, here's the next one.

Aroma.

What is it?

Aroma Fine.

I'm not actually in front of the computer.

I can't even see it.

You have a computer, Jen?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I told you.

I wanted to try it from the phone, but it didn't work.

Yeah.

Android, you tried it, right?

Oh, dude, that's what...

Hey, Milkman, you were on the phone with me when I dropped my phone and it cracked the screen.

My Galaxy S3.

It was bullshit.

It's all crap.

Is that why my ear is still ringing, dude, man?

My ear is still ringing, man.

No, that's because you're old.

That's because you put the Tenga egg in your ear.

It's fucking loud right now, man.

I can't hear you.

Milkman puts the Tenga eggs in his ear.

All ear, it feels good.

Here's something.

Can you put the Tenga egg up your ass while you're masturbating?

Hello?

Hi, yes.

No, you can put your, hello, you can put your finger up your ass while you've got the, uh,

Tenga, and it, we lost her, though.

Oh, my.

I was gonna tell you.

Meatspin, another Meatspin customer.

Send her to Meatspin.

Another happy Meatspin customer.

Let me try again, I'll apologize.

Meatspin's later, or you've just...

Yeah, I'm sorry I told you to put your finger up your ass, but, you know.

No, it feels good sometimes, I don't mind it.

Once a year I do that.

It's not gay, right?

milkman's the one that said he wouldn't let a girl uh put a finger up there it's a girl it's

not bad yeah it's a one-way street you better put your tongue up your ass

i didn't say tongue he said finger the same thing it's a little flush in there man you gotta get

some time okay you got a difference between finger and tongue all right well i got a one-way

street here man one way street not for a girl it's both ways you know ken does it all the time

can you let your wife put her finger up there right poke around a little bit oh fuck no i do

that naturally what are you talking about yeah milk vanilla that's his boyfriend do that that's

what's the problem don't put the microphone on more make sure you have a windscreen on that guy

uh tandoori oven there we go tandoori that's the clay oven right we can make and tell them we're

gonna take a shit oh nice put a shit let me ask you something let me ask you okay i want to ask

you my question hello sir how are you good good how are you i'm very good i've got a uh i've got

a request i want to come in there i want to make a reservation and i i have a a tenga egg and i was

wondering if you could make my tenga egg warm in the clay oven can you do that yeah tenga egg i

have a tenga egg and i want i want to put it in the in the clay oven you have a clay oven

You can talk to the manager.

Okay, thank you.

Hello.

Hello, sir. My name is Mr. Stewart. How are you?

Good. How can I help you?

Actually, I'm a big fan of traditional Indian food.

Are you a traditional Indian restaurant there?

Yes.

Do you do Tenga eggs?

We do Keryal.

Tenga eggs. Do you know Tenga?

Tenga?

Yeah, Tenga is a traditional Indian egg.

And I have actually got a couple here with me.

and I was wondering if perhaps I could come in and warm the egg in your, you know, in your clay oven.

Do you have a clay oven there?

Yeah, we can, but you use that.

Oh, I see.

But then could I perhaps give you a fresh Tenga egg

and you can inspect it with the packaging and everything

and then perhaps you could warm it yourself.

You could sit on it like a chicken.

No, there's too many complications.

Like a chicken sits on a new egg and keeps the...

But listen, you could...

Do you know how a chicken keeps the eggs warm?

You could do that.

I just had a weird thought of an Indian guy sitting on an egg.

Sitting on an egg, yeah.

Oh, my little baby's little head suit.

Hey, Carlito, call that one guy up that was calling the police, and let me fuck with him.

Oh, which one was that?

That was Bombay.

Just tell him, you know, no yolks.

Yeah, I was calling, do you have any egg dishes there?

No, we don't.

Oh, you have chicken?

Fucking hell, dude.

first the chicken the egg comes after the chicken that's none of my business well it is it is

because every person you gotta stop calling you gotta stop these pranks man it's not gonna help

me any whether the chicken comes first or the egg comes first yeah but you know the tanga egg it's

like i'm too busy for your time i'm too busy man do you know what do you know what a flashlight is

oh maybe you'll go after your mom he'll tell you hey hey what an asshole what a jerk

to some of these guys

start playing the portal

and let me start fucking with them

alright we'll do that with the Bombay girl who's

tracing us the first guy that's tracing us

we're gonna

hang on

Death Fox is calling in he's racist

hey Death Fox racist Fox

hey what's up man

hey man how you doing

I'm good

Patton Fox

oh shit let me get the porno music

Death Cox

Defcoxed.

Hey, you did a great job on the chat, Pat.

Diabolical friends.

It sucks that they all know we're calling from Skype now.

It's kind of funny.

Yeah, it's shit, man, with the corner ID and nuggets.

I'll get that fixed.

See, on my thing, I've got, like, a London number, so it comes up with a London number.

It's brilliant.

And I can put any number in it.

You got a whole fucking phone set up there, dude.

Yeah!

Here's your buddy here.

Defcox, he just joined the chat.

Patented?

Dozer?

Defcox easy.

easy dozer reboot scott we just got do that yeah

Yeah.

What the fuck is that?

Yes, this is Indian place.

Hello?

Yeah, Indian food?

Indian food.

Yeah.

Is that what you have, damn it?

Yeah.

Oh, I'd like to make an order then.

You want to order?

Yeah.

Is that okay?

Are you open?

Oh, yeah.

You have open still?

Okay.

I'd like one order of naan bread.

Plain or garlic?

Garlic.

Okay.

All right.

What kind?

Huh?

What did you say, damn it?

I said, what kind of naan do you need?

And I said garlic.

Yeah, it's fine.

Okay, good.

And one order of papadums.

Okay.

One pilau rice.

Hold on a second, okay?

Shit, shit.

Okay, shit, man.

Can I help you?

Yeah, hi.

I wanted to make an order.

Do I have to repeat it?

What did you order, sir?

One order of papadums.

One garlic naan.

Papadums.

One garlic naan, okay?

Yeah, one vegetable biryani.

One vegetable biryani, okay?

One bhenchod.

Vegetable biryani.

name okay one branch okay uh-huh one ulu kapata that is your father's name no that's your mother's

name your mother my mother's name is uh i don't know but uh i think that's your mother's name

your mother to i i i don't know oh your mother said that you were going to be available because

she was your mom but your mom told me that she was living with you no but before that you know

but i can i give it my dick you know yeah but before that your mom's she's

Yeah, no, no, no, no way, man, no, man.

Yeah, man, man, you know what I'm saying, man?

Mom, my pussy was like this, like a stone, you know?

I was rubbing her cunt, you know?

She's a hot bitch, yeah.

Are there like three of you talking at the same time?

Mom is a hot bitch, man.

Hey, your mom's taking a nap real quick

because she's taking a break from all the sex that we're having.

Huh?

You know?

Huh?

What did you talk to your mom?

Okay.

Anywhere?

People can use three steps.

Three steps.

are you done

can you listen to me now please

can do

alright whatever

I heard this too

it was like two or three of them

having a conversation

like they were criticizing the whole thing

oh his mother's pussy

is there like a weird echo in sky

yeah there is

yeah I'm hearing it too

all right well let's redo the thing hang on yeah don't worry about it no because it bleeds over to

the call if you're hearing it the callers are hearing it you understand oh is that right

all right i'll be right back wondering what that was i thought it was me that's why i rebooted

it's always you death fox all right it's never me whatever i'll be right back

all right hang on let me reset skype machine well i haven't mentioned before we got oh yeah

Yeah, we got more Photoshop, Photolab calls to get to before it gets too late here.

But this is Madhouse Radio.

You're listening to it.

I am Carlito, the host.

Tonight we're joined by Milkman, Mr. Jin Stewart himself, NoDonkeys.com, Big Ken, and Death

Fox are there.

Zyklon's going to be joining us, I think, also here in a moment.

So far, it seems like we're having an okay night.

We'll be right back.

Give me 120 seconds.

Start counting.

Skype is back in.

let me start dialing everyone back up here hello hey you're first yay i love you man okay thanks i

guess who else do we have kenneth is the echo gone yet ha your face death fox all right good we're

back still gotta echo death fox are you still connecting i won't comment on it oh no echo then

guys good i get blamed for the world so i don't comment oh relax i'm just kidding dad let's give

you a hard time and i'm just kidding too i got you i hate you no really i hate you though uh

did i post those numbers again here for you guys to see you know what an i am there we go

all right diamond palace cuisine of india here we go next one we might already call this one

we'll find out can i try it you can oh echo is there man don't yeah i didn't want to

say that mo sounds like you're looping something through a looper looping something through a

That makes sense.

See if I can fix that.

You know, it sounds like you're monitoring.

Have you ever listened to a mantra on your microphone or something?

That's horrible.

Yeah, but still, there's no echo.

It sounded like you had a monitoring feature on or something.

What about now?

No echo.

No echo, but you sound far away.

Say something again.

Horse manure.

Yeah, it sounds right.

Don't worry about it.

It's okay.

Yeah, no echo.

Awesome.

Fuck yeah.

I hope so.

I'm on my $300 mic.

Three hundred dollars for a mic. Yeah, I got a Rode podcaster. That's fucking ripoff

They're never because the quality that goes through you won't go through

Hello

Hang on a second hang on a second. What did you just say? You just said you want to fuck a kid?

I want to fuck. Yeah. Yeah, you are you want to fuck a kid?

You are a sick fuck, aren't you?

You wanna fuck kids? What's wrong with you, man?

You fucking... You freak.

They're like the Indian version of Beavis and Butthead over there.

You're like little kids, you fucking freak.

Do you know who's your father?

Yeah, I'm your father, you freak.

Well, actually, I wouldn't father a fucking freak like you, anyway.

You, man. Fuck you.

No, I'm his father. I used to fuck zebras.

Oh my god.

You don't have a father, motherfucker. You don't have one father, that's why you're calling on the Skype, motherfucker.

I'm gonna slap the cum out of your mouth, you cocksucker.

English bastard.

Undo.

Oh, Jen, English bastard.

Your mother's an English bastard, you prick. I'm not even English.

English bastard.

English bastard. Fucking buttbutter.

I'm gonna bring my special fisty glove for you.

Now keep going dickhead you sound like a prick

He ran out of breath

What's he doing

Tugging another guy's balls

Yeah he's tugging the balls

He's fucking a zebra

He's answering the phone and running the glory hole

Hang on man

I gotta tug some bags

Hey don't go anywhere sir

Oh, he left.

Damn it.

Hello, Papadum.

Yes, I'd like to make an order, damn it.

Yes.

I'd like to make an order, please.

Yes, sir.

Yes, you say, or no?

Yes.

Oh, okay.

I thought you said, huh.

I'd like to make an order.

Do you have papadums?

Papadum?

I don't have papadum.

Oh, what do you have then?

That's good.

Like papadums.

Do you have dumplings?

No papadum.

Do you have pussy?

Huh?

Do you have a pussy?

No, I have big dick.

You want?

Yeah, I want to put some...

You want it?

I want to put...

I have big one.

I'm gonna put barbeque sauce on it.

Bastard!

You're a fucking banshoot.

Ghandu!

When he said he had a big dick, he should have told him, yeah, I want just a dip.

Ghandu!

He sounded like the horse, the Turkish horse guy.

Son of a bitch.

I have big dick.

I fuck Greeks.

Go back to the number tracing guy and get these two joined again.

He probably has the entire police squad there now.

Yes, I have a high one dick for you.

What I have big high one dick for you

No, I have big dick for your Indian ass

You have big three dicks in your mouth three big dicks in your mouth

Call him back with the porn music. Let me give it to him. Let me get a better porno track here

Because the one I'm playing maybe could play the porn music and then like halfway through go to that like scary music

The epic, uh, yeah.

The epic scary music.

Shut up, Davi.

Fucking cat.

Cat out of the room here in a second.

Didn't get your...

Didn't get him to talk.

Hello?

Oh, fuck, yeah.

Uh, let me give you something out of high want, dick.

Uh, you really love it, don't you, you little bitch?

Uh, your mother sure loved it.

Tip for you.

Open your mouth, you little bitch.

What's the damage?

All right, here's the next one.

it's kind of scary you sound a little he was into it

now you got to like get along do an audience like yeah hi indian food i'm sorry indian food

yeah okay does it taste good uh yes okay because your mom was coming over so i wanted to have some

good food for me and her to eat together and i'll eat it off for her belly i'm sorry i can't really

hear you oh do you have any good indian food i can put on your mom's body to eat off of her

What?

Your mother's coming over, and I wanted to put some food on her body and eat it off of her.

Oh, okay.

Without using my hands, just my mouth.

What's this?

Oh, this is cross. I'm fucking your mother.

What is it?

I said this is cross. Are you stupid?

What's your problem?

No, your mother is my problem. I need to feed her.

I have to feed your mother. Your mother's hungry.

Guys, you got anything for him? Because this is not working out with me.

I got a lot of tips for him.

Well, see, whatever.

Stepping away from Indian calls, let's do some of these.

uh what is it uh brad sending those uh walgreens uh customers okay good i'll do one of those good

here's lucy kim she left her pictures way back on new year's eve and still hasn't picked them up

new year's eve december 31st just tell me which one you want me to do

here do this one then okay lucy kim lucy kim okay well she's lucy brown it's walgreens right

right yep new new suggestion is that the photos were printed up hi this is lucy lucy yes yes i'm

calling from the walgreens photo lab about your pictures yes how are you doing today good i'm

doing great um we have a problem with your pictures what what happened what didn't happen

is the question it just looks like i can't think of nothing but it just oh man what what was you

you taking pictures of i'm sorry what was you taking pictures of what do you mean what was you

taking pictures of what is the question i don't understand your question is i'm sorry i don't

speak very good hawaiian what do you speak what did you take pictures of what did i take a picture

with yes um camera what kind of camera it seems something may have happened to your own pictures

here so what's up what's going on can you just tell me what's going on yeah there seemed to be

some moss on the pictures okay have you ever heard of moss being on pictures from film development

no oh well you got some and it's really really bad they're not they're not actually yeah we had

to send them to an um archaeologist and he had to look them up or a walgreen yeah we had to send

some samples to spain to thailand and everything in there i can't do it excuse me i'm sorry this

This is a supervisor.

We're having a problem with these pictures you took.

There's a computer system that scans them, and it'll reject them if there's something bad on them.

Did you take dirty pictures at all with these?

I don't understand what you're going to say.

So basically, I took the pictures, and then I sent it to you, and you're saying that something happened to my pictures?

Yeah, because the computer scans the pictures before they get developed, you know, for you to pick them up.

Yeah, yeah.

And these here came back when we ran them through the computer.

It shows up as pornography.

Like, did you take pictures of a vagina or a penis or something like that with them?

No, never.

Well, was it something that looks like a vagina maybe?

That's why Pat and Fox is asking what you took pictures of.

No, no, not at all.

No, not at all.

What did you take a picture of?

Can you tell me what you took a picture of?

Was it your family?

um just uh me and my husband at vegas and stuff like that uh-huh let me put that here on the

computer real quick like and then uh christmas time christmas pictures no it's coming up here

that it was you and your husband having sex and you took a pic your husband took a picture of

your private parts no not at all no are you sure nope maybe you took maybe you took one and you

forgot to erase it because they're here no it's not okay do you have any pictures like that that

That you can send us?

No, not at all.

Are you guys calling from Walgreens?

Yeah, we're calling from the Walgreens Supercenter.

We develop all the pictures.

So what is your name?

Oh, my name is Cross, and then Patton, Fox, and Ken.

Are you calling from which Walgreens?

We're calling from the main photo lab center in Kentucky.

We receive the pictures here, we make the pictures, and we send them back to Hawaii.

No, not at all.

No?

Did you have, like, large breasts?

Do you have large natural breasts?

You know your dog, okay?

No, but if you have large natural breasts, then...

You're fucking fucked up.

You know, I'm going to record everything what you're saying right now.

And then I'm going to send it to the Walgreens.

And then I got your number.

So I'm just going to, you know, you guys are fucked up.

Well, we're not going to develop the pictures.

Don't fucking mess with me, okay?

Your tits are too big in these pictures.

We can't develop them.

You're fucked up.

Okay, I'm recording everything and then I'm just going to do something about it.

What's your breast size?

Is it a C or a D?

I think it's a good D.

Fuck you, asshole.

Just tell me.

Fuck you.

You're fucking laughing.

Hey.

Huh?

Why is it fucked up?

Where did you get my fucking number?

Well, it came in the computer because you put it down on your pictures.

Shut the fuck up, okay?

Okay.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

How you doing?

Yes, sir.

Hi.

What's going on?

Hey, we're with the Walgreens Photo Lab, and the pictures that your wife developed,

she has her breasts are too large in them.

They're too big.

Well, there's a computer system that scans the pictures before they get developed, and it looks for vaginas and penises and dirty stuff, and it came back positive for large breasts.

For what? There's pictures of a yard in there.

Yeah, but there's a picture of your wife, and her tits are really big in them, and it's too big for us to...

So your wife has small breasts, then? You have a flat-chested wife?

You wanna fuck with me, man?

Well, I'm saying, what's her breast size?

And I can put them in the computer and see.

You want to fuck with me, man?

Not with you, no.

You want to fuck around with me, man?

I'll fuck with her a little bit.

She's got big titties.

I'll titty fuck her.

Okay.

Okay, that's okay.

We're going to call somebody.

Don't worry about it.

Can I titty fuck her?

Because she has nice tits.

Nice big...

I don't know why I'm blacked out in the middle of that first.

I'm sorry.

You got to re...

You got to photographically resize them.

Tell them you need to know the size so you can resize them, you know, photographically.

We're going to enlarge your head.

He's like, you want to fuck with me?

You want to fuck with me?

Instead of calling the police, you're going to try and fix him for him.

You're going to help him out.

I didn't even know where I was going.

I was talking about archaeologists.

Yeah, that was really funny, man.

I was talking to an archaeologist.

You should have told the guy that it was a picture of his wife or some black guy having sex.

I'll call him back.

Don't you think you just fetched off a bounty hunter on him?

No.

How do you know the archaeologist is on the line?

you have reached the sprint voice mailbox of

that was funny though

either that or if you get them

all confused tell them you're going to transfer to the supervisor

and then we can all talk shit about them

oh fuck I thought he was on hold

he's got big tits over here

excuse me

getting tired

I was trying to whisper enough and try to get Death Fox in there

this bitch has got some big titties

look at this one

so we're going to take extra copies

of it and pass it around

um who was that that we last called oh shit i don't even know her name i don't know yeah i

never got the name her yeah what was that name again kim something no that was no no no it was

um shit you said at the beginning of the call you were like yeah that wasn't lucy kim was it

no yes it was yeah lucy kim yeah because i said lucy yeah oh because she didn't pick

him up since the 31st okay good good good okay cool so now i know where we left off at

here's k honey cut k honey cut i'm saying her cut tastes like honey yeah very nice fantastic

tastes like agave nectar you have reached the sprint voice mailbox of of shit all right looking

at that list in the skype chat here's jenny she placed a online order from today big jenny big

jenny anyone want this if not i'll do it yeah you tell a big jenny okay big jenny should be a

transfer to supervisor yeah this is big Jenny this is Jenny hi this is cross I'm

calling from the photo lab you sent an online order of pictures oh yeah yeah

yeah we were wondering we're developing the pictures and we were wondering are

these real breasts or did you have surgery

that's a good question then we seem to have lost her just call her back and be like you have no

idea how many times i've jerked off to your picture i mean this is a classic set of pictures

right here man abrupt disconnection it's kind of nice to go in retro what's with the you know

with the harry bush and everything all right that won't one dial again for some reason so here's

carol same question for her we are not available now shit all right catalani that's a very uh

hawaiian name catalani yes hi i'm calling for um hold on for a second okay it's for you

yes hello hello yes is this catalani oh were you a man or a woman i think it's my mom's photos right

oh yeah can you put her on please yeah

Okay, well, I ordered the photos for her.

Okay.

Yeah, we're having trouble developing the pictures.

There's a profanity filter on the computer,

and it searches for, like, pornographic images of vaginas and penises and breasts and stuff like that.

and it's coming up that there's large breasts in some of these pictures arch

yeah does she have does she have big breasts was she breastfeeding in the

pictures no no all right now how big are her breasts so I can put that in the

computer the women who are in this picture all the pictures I said yeah but

there's there's an Asian woman in one of these pictures who has big tits

So we just need to put in her breast size so we can put them through the computer.

I don't know anything about that.

I'm sure she didn't send pictures of Asian women with big breasts.

Is one of the mothers in this picture, or maybe there's a woman in the background?

I don't think so.

Okay, and where did the penis come from in this picture here?

About that.

There's a large, hairy penis in one of these pictures also.

Yeah, I don't know anything about that.

Well, do you think these were digital pictures?

Did you maybe, uh, put some pornography in there in accident?

Sorry, man.

Yeah, but there's one picture of big breasts and one picture of a big hairy man penis.

Hairy dong.

Yeah, I don't know anything about that.

Okay, well, we're not going to develop these because of the penis that's in these pictures.

Well, that's fine.

I don't really want to see it.

I'm sure my mom doesn't want to see it.

Yeah, well, we're not going to print the picture of the children either because that's disgusting.

I don't know anything about disgusting children.

Well, these are very ugly children.

Yeah, I understand that.

i understand that and i'm sure they're not our pictures well the children are ugly the what the

children the grandchildren that are in these pictures are very ugly look you want me to come

down there right now and talk to you this is a disgusting conversation well why i'm gonna i'm

gonna i'm going to hang up and come down to the not longs walgreens okay because i don't even

know whether you're from walgreens i'm really getting sick what's more disgusting the conversation

or the dirty children you know i'm not going to even talk with you about this i'll see you in

in about 15 minutes. What's your name?

Oh, this is Cross, and I'm the supervisor here,

and I don't want any trouble. Your name is what?

This is Cross, and if you come in here

and start in trouble, I'll push you in the bathroom.

I'll push you in the bathroom.

You're going to push me in the bathroom in what?

I'm going to put the head in.

You can put my head in what?

I'll put your head in the toilet, and then I'll put the head

of my cock in your ass.

Are you really from Walgreens?

Yeah, we drink sometimes

on the weekends, that's all.

You drink on the weekends?

yeah we're allowed to

see ya

i'll do another one whenever um i got an idea oh shit all right all right here's

the next one unless justinny that fucker just turned down he's breaking the speed limit to

get down to walgreens right now he's gonna put my head in the toilet and stick his dick in my ass

all right you're gonna put the head in what are you gonna put the head in justinny this is

disgusting customer service you say just to me

really digitally resized their huge headed grandkid pictures for her aloha you have reached

261 all right the next one is la what is that lorraine lorraine online it's a nice name online

order from today lorraine okay i'll do lorraine lorraine i'll never talk again you would too

You should move with a big breath. No such thing.

Hi, this is Lorraine. I am unable to e-

Hi, Lorraine. She sounds fit, doesn't she, Jen? You like that?

Yeah, she sounds fit.

After you finish these, I hid some one-bedroom apartment shares again. I sent you.

Yes, those are the best. I like.

Carry two bags. Fucking call me tomorrow!

Recalling Lorraine.

One-bedroom apartment for rent.

Is this one of them one-bedrooms?

How the fuck does that work?

This is Lorraine again, fucker.

Oh, okay.

She's not going to pick up because she's coming up skype

Aren't you smart?

On the cell phone it just shows up as a number

I think Ojin's been absolutely

been calling these one bedroom

shared deals

I think I might have caught one like a couple

of weeks ago but it's a really good

idea because I don't understand how

weird is that one bedroom

rent

Here's Sheila for Death Fox

Sheila

Shayla. Shayla, can I? Shayla, how you doing, my friend?

Please leave your message for 808.

Oh, man. All right, try again.

Unless you want to talk to that guy before, then let's call him back.

The guy that's coming down to see me.

I brought the bed up. This is your home now.

Don't go drinking and driving. Come home.

You're a death fox. Talk to that guy that I just insulted.

Is this Melanie?

No.

Yes, this is Walgreens calling about your photos.

So I need to explain something to you, sir.

we was back here building a castle out of legos and what happened is uh my friend hit the

transponder and we spilled some ink on your photos they're fine they're just in one dimensional

instead of 2d now would that be fine sir are you there sir yeah he didn't get it he just hung up

that's the guy i talked to before i told you aaron i mean uh death fox oh i didn't know that

I didn't hear it.

I mean, uh, def auction.

Der, der, der, der, der, der.

All right, let's call Melanie instead.

I liked my little idea.

It was funny.

No, I didn't.

Hey, Aaron.

Hey!

Call him, Aaron.

Ah, bleh.

You ever take just a tip?

Please leave a message.

Uh, okay.

Um, Heather.

Heather, next.

Is this a one-bedroom rent?

Not yet.

Okay.

I'd love to do one of those.

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

We got this one and one more for the first.

gutter slut at some point you have reached sprint voicemail box no answer there last one is uratus

uratus uratus this is the last one of those and after that we will uh move on to the uh one

bedroom for rent which ken has sent in very nice ken did you get my voicemail uh no uh you should

listen to it you're still leaving silly voicemails for everybody this week jim yeah well just a couple

just you ken and ted no milkman i don't have milkman's um sky yeah i do actually

hi yes i'm calling from walgreens photo lab machine is this uranus no or you're right to us

yes oh hi yes um you place an online order here for developments for prints uh-huh um we there's

a content filter here it filters out any pictures that have any um private parts or pornography

pornography pornography in them you know and what yeah yeah well before we we're not allowed to

develop anything that has you know any smut or pornography pornographic images i don't have any

of that what are you talking about well the pictures that you submitted to be developed

the computer is coming up that they have it looks like uh big natural breasts inside them

and some of the pictures that was that were not my pictures uh what did you take pictures of so i

I can put it in a computer.

I'll try to force it through.

I already picked up my picture, so I'm not sure what you're talking about.

Yeah, but there's going to be a fine here levied against you

because some of those pictures are pornographic.

I don't think so.

I have the files that I posted, and they're kids' pictures.

Okay, were there any...

You had some kids breastfeeding, maybe, and the breasts were showing?

I have to look.

Let me...

I don't think so.

Okay.

Do you do breastfeeding at all?

Do you breastfeed your children?

No.

Have you ever?

No, my son is pictures old.

Oh, he doesn't breastfeed anymore?

No.

Oh, okay.

And I only had pictures of my son.

I think I had like 11.

When did you stop breastfeeding him?

At one.

At one?

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Were you in any of the pictures then?

Maybe you had your breast out on accident or something?

Well, I have no idea what you're talking about, but I don't know what to tell you because

I don't think those are my pictures.

I don't know if he had a mistake or something.

Well, no, I see the children here.

It's like an ugly child that's in this picture.

he's not very he's very ugly baby and an ugly child yeah this picture has this ugly kid being

looking real stupid and it comes up looks like like maybe you were in the background and you

had big breasts and they were showing up in the picture oh this must be a joke no no there's ugly

it says the note here says ugly baby and big tits it says here in this picture well that was not my

picture i can send i can show you the folder that i have where i took the pictures from okay and

well what's your breast size and i can put it in here yeah this is really a scam no what's your how

big do you have a c cup or d cup or what do you have this is this is ridiculous what is your

number well can we see your tits so we can compare them to the ones in the picture this is ridiculous

what is your number no no i i'm serious i'm the senior supervisor here and i'm i'm wondering if

If we could, perhaps you could come in again and we could have a look at your tits and we can compare them to, why not?

What is your number so I can call the police right now?

But why can't we do that?

What is your number?

But it's quite simple. You just have to come in, we'll have a look at your boobs and then we'll just, you know, we'll compare them and if they're not the same, we'll let you go away.

What is your number?

Alright, listen, if you don't come in right now, we're going to fine you. Do you understand? Because these pictures are quite serious.

Well, you know what? I know what I put online and those are not my pictures.

You put a picture, you got your tits out in a picture, and you took a picture of it with a little kid in the front.

You are fucked up, you know?

And we, uh, we, we, uh, yeah, you then come in and show us your tits, alright?

Then we know.

No.

What do you mean, no? Why not?

This is ridiculous.

You're ridiculous.

Why would you take a picture like that? What the fuck is wrong with you?

I'm telling you these are not my pictures.

These are your pictures, because we got you on account. We know they're your pictures, don't you, you know?

What is your name?

Don't deny it. I told you, I'm Jin Stewart. Now, why won't you come in and prove to-

What is your number? Are you at the Walgreens in Kaneohe?

I am, yeah. And I need you to come in and prove to me that this is not yours.

Those are not mine.

but you keep saying that but that doesn't make it any less the fact is we can see your tits in

these pictures and we need you to come in and you know prove that they're not your tits hello okay

that was pretty good into a breast lineup you need to get a breast lineup here uh mr stewart

yeah there's something wrong with going to see her tits a little bit you know you can say bss

breast scanning system up in a lineup you can see if it matches the photography the

The breast skinning system.

Yeah, the BSS.

I just put it in.

Hey.

Where the fuck have you been?

Huh?

Where the fuck have you been?

Who, me?

Yeah, you.

I've been around.

I've been busy.

Been busy.

Yeah.

Why?

What's up?

You got a problem?

Is your computer broken?

No, my computer's not broken.

Oh, good, man.

I'm happy.

Where you been?

I was off last week, but I edited some calls.

did you go to my website yet uh yes i did actually i heard the jew gold show on tuesday night

uh was it jew gold that yeah yeah that was funny i heard the whole thing man

i really laughed a lot that was pretty good you guys kept talking about the gold fillings

calling australia yeah yeah adding adding teeth and all that shit yeah and you found one only

one place would take the teeth yeah that's right the one guy i tried to sell him like bloody guns

and he was all down for it well there was a one lady who's again it was telling a legend he could

bring it here what do you like 200 200 teeth in a bag or something like that yeah he kept finding

him yeah that was good stuff i had a laugh man did i laugh man did i laugh and you had that uh

anti-semitic picture that you attached that episode that's all uh that's all tristan he's

hooking that up big time very good very good shout out big shout out to bruce southwood

Is that who Tristan goes by, Bruce Southwood?

Bruce Southwood, yeah, that's his Facebook handle anyway.

And he operates in his sex dungeon.

Sex dungeon, yeah, that's right.

Okay, there you go.

All right, we got one bedroom for rent here.

Guys, did someone want this other than me?

Yeah, yeah, I wanted to have a try with this rent thing.

I don't understand.

All right, so if you've got three, I'll do one.

Well, this is a two-bedroom apartment.

Just tell him, oh, it's a two-bedroom.

Yeah.

I want a one-bedroom.

but the person's trying to share their bedroom.

One of them's trying to get out of it.

Okay, all right, let me ask him, all right?

Let me try and find out.

What's his name?

Barry.

Barry, yeah, because I'm not in front of the computer,

so I can't really see, so Barry.

I believe he's a creeper

because he wanted a female to share his bedroom.

Wow, this is...

West LA, Barry has a two-bedroom apartment.

West what?

West Los Angeles, California.

Okay, right, okay.

Two-bedroom apartment.

You didn't say it right.

It's Los Angeles.

Los Angeles.

English don't understand it.

I'm in Hollywood.

And trying to find a female roommate to share his room

since the other room is already taken.

There we go, bingo.

So there you go.

It is the dead, really.

That's two minus one is one.

That's exactly what Kim was trying to explain to us here.

There you go.

Barry.

Beryl.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Beryl.

Barry's on a fucking motorcycle

doing his voicemail setup.

Just freak.

Just yells it into it.

All right.

Put him in a priceless

if he didn't pick it up

right when Dirty Aaron

just fucking let that

loud-ass burp out.

Yeah, thanks a lot for that.

Here's a guy who wants

to rent a room to someone,

but because he's

a real estate agent,

he works from home,

and he wants a roommate

who's not there

from 9 to 5.

Wow.

Yeah, what a dick

to dictate when

you could be

in the fucking house.

Be there when I want asshole. What's his name?

No name. Oh, but this is an LA Los Angeles. Okay, you can pretend to be a crackhead

I'm gonna pretend to be Jim Stewart

Tell him you're out sucking dick for crack money from 9 to 5 so it works out perfectly

This is the best time. You only come home to shoot up

Alright give me a chance. What's his name?

Yeah, you don't know his name, fuck it.

Hello?

Yes?

Yeah, this is Mr. Stewart. I'm calling you about the room for rent.

Oh, hi, how you doing?

Yeah, I'm alright, thanks. Who am I talking to?

Uh, Bert.

Your name is Bert. Well, how you doing, Bert? Listen...

Are you South African? Are you...?

Yeah, yeah, I'm from South Africa, and I, uh...

Oh, I'm a threat, yo.

I'm, uh, yeah, thank you, I'm from South Africa.

So, I want to, listen, I want to rent one of the rooms there. You've got a room for me, right?

Um, well, not necessarily for you. I mean, I have a room available.

Right, now tell me about this room. I want to come in there.

I don't want any caffers to come and, you know, harass me.

I want to be in this room with you. Can I do that?

Excuse me?

I want to be in the room when you're there.

So 9 till 5, I want to be in the room underneath the table, sucking your cock.

Can I do that?

Oh, that is traditional. That is South African, uh, living,

South African culture at its finest.

That's right, I'm South African, and in South Africa, we like to suck the cock.

I know you do, I know, I know all about the culture.

Excellent, so tell me, is it possible, can we arrange like a meeting, and we have like a trial, where I can just stick the tip in your mouth?

Uh, hold on, you'll have to talk to my partner.

Alright, let me talk to your partner, let me, I like your partner, I'd like to just fuck him as well.

Tell me the hardest thing, what's going on?

What the fuck is going on?

What the fuck is going on, my friend? What the fuck is going on?

What the fuck am I talking to?

Is that your attempt of a sound effect?

What the fuck am I talking to, my friend, right now?

Yeah, go on.

What the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on?

I always get these reactions. Always. Like, I don't get it.

Only fucking crazy people.

I'm going to fuck the-

Oh, shut the fuck up, guy.

What in the fuck just happened?

He just went out, you know, he just went nuts.

He wanted to join the show.

I think we've been pranked.

Next time, we'll join him into another call.

I love how he was asking me at the beginning if I'm South African,

and then suddenly changed the accent.

Hello?

Yeah, call him back and get him cussing.

On to another call.

Who the fuck is this?

Who are you?

Shut up.

How depressing is that?

Wow.

That was rainy.

You should have, when that guy started flipping out on you,

you should have started playing that

Eat the Poo Poo fucking clip for it.

I was going to make a soundboard out of that

and play it to somebody.

That's so brilliant.

Yeah, that was trying to call Ernie.

Fisting!

Yeah, he's...

Oh, that's the classic fuck of South Africa.

He's got a few independent interviews.

There's a few independent interviews

with that preacher that are just as funny.

The shit that he says.

Not as...

The Tosh.O thing they did on his show

was pretty funny with that video.

Did they really?

Really? They did something with that guy? Cool.

Yeah, well they super opposed it like Tosh was in the audience fucking asking him questions and shit.

Jesus. I really need his number. If anybody can get that African preacher's number, that would be absolutely amazing.

I'd fucking pay for his number.

The hell was his name again? Pastor...

Um, Dr. Martin Sempa.

Dr. Martin Sempa.

My name is Pastor Dr. Martin Sempa.

You guys ever seen the video from that guy who calls himself Pastor X?

No.

I'll have to send it to you

This guy, I think he had

Like on a public cable channel

Or something, he's sitting there trying to do his preaching thing

And people are calling it a prank

And we just talk his shit to him

Oh, the black guy that talks to the devil

And all that

Yeah, he's like, the devil's a motherfucking liar

And he starts

Yeah, what's his name again?

Pastor X

Yeah, he's been doing the rounds again lately

He's been showing up, he did those videos back in like 2004

They got a lot of

uh they had a lot of legs back then they were playing them on howard and he disappeared for a

while but yeah i had someone has sent me a video of his he came back he's fucking brilliant like

two years ago or something he's gonna like shut the fuck up bitch turn that bitch off and all

that shit yeah yeah that was a motherfucking liar yeah because i gotta call him as the devil's like

you motherfucker he's like you're the fucking devil right motherfucker yeah i love how the

The camera keeps zooming in and out and panning around.

It just makes the whole thing so freaky.

I was hoping when you called them Christians the other day about the fucking bedroom,

we were going to be able to get the white devil onto them.

Yeah, that didn't work out as planned.

Here's John.

He wants to share his bedroom.

Who's doing this then?

Go, Dirty Go.

John?

Yeah.

Yeah, look, you're sharing your room.

You're going to rent a room.

What?

Are you renting a room?

Who's this?

This is Brent.

What?

This is Brent.

You want to share your bedroom with me?

Yeah.

All right.

When can we set that up?

Whereabouts are you located?

Where are you calling from?

Let's see here.

I'm reluctant to tell you.

Huh?

What did you say?

I said I don't want to tell you because I'm afraid.

Afraid?

Yeah, I'm in L.A.

Okay, what are you afraid of?

I don't know.

Are you going to try and touch me or something?

Are you going to try and touch me when we're in the bed together?

Touch you?

What are you talking about?

I don't know.

What do you mean?

Okay, listen, I just, are you going to, I want to share the bedroom with you.

Can you tell me about it?

Oh, man, you, you, from the get-go, you're starting talking shit now.

No, no, no, it's, no, I'm not talking shit.

I just want to share, you want to share your bedroom.

You haven't met me, you don't know me.

You're just talking like, oh, you're going to touch me?

I mean, why, why do I want to do that?

Why do I want a person to have a Craigslist for a roommate and I want to touch somebody?

You know what I'm saying?

well because i mean that's that's what that's it's it's it's code for for for gay sex you didn't

know that huh it's code for gay sex what's that to share the bedroom oh i don't know i don't know

what that yeah i mean i mean it's it's you know it's really underground you know but it's usually

when you share the bedroom and the roommates and you know you put the name john it just is a code

for, usually for gay sex, and for, like, bare, it's for bareback gay sex, so I just thought,

you know.

Oh, I don't, I don't know about that, I just, uh, I'm not gay, man, I'm just lending somebody

to help me with the rent, you know what I'm saying, so.

Oh, okay, well, I mean, you know, you sound nice, I mean, you might be, you know, I mean,

you could just, like, maybe I'll rent the room, and then you can, like, close your eyes,

and then I can, you know, perform oral sex on you.

Oh, yeah?

Does that sound good?

maybe maybe you'd like a hundred dollars a month and then perform oral sex

huh huh oh are you gay or what oh i'll do whatever i don't really care yeah i could

bring some friends over i have my friend my friend jen and my friend my friend jen and

my friend ken they'll come over too fuck yeah hey buddy who is the fuck you're talking about

i'm jen um we you know we want to come over and give you some all three of us we're gonna

a fucking relay i want to give you just the tip oh open up your mouth i got oh yeah fuck yeah

some gay shit i want to give you just the tip he might have been game for it he was asking if

you're gay or bi uh yeah you added two people yeah call him back i want to ask about the gay

underground fuck club yeah you got a point though his name is john and he's saying share the bedroom

that is kind of code yeah there's gotta be there's somebody that should be code but then what happens

when there's a real john who wants to do it milkman knows all about those codes hey ten poor

what was it mexican salsas uh weed yeah that's right

mexican salsas weed come on please leave your message

yeah yeah well i knew i had a friend when he used to uh get weed he used to call his dealer and ask

him if he had green paint i was like that's not too good of a code green paint that's pretty good

come on that's not bad you got green paint that's fucking retarded i was watching you ever watch

that show fucking amish mafia amish mafia there's an amish there's an amish it's on discovery

channel it's semi-fucking retarded but they call weed uh green corn that's retarded green corn

corn silk didn't you get didn't you get caught up like you were trying to find a weed connection

in pennsylvania carlito and like the guy walked up to you and he was like is it fucking peanut

butter day or something like that i was walking i was walking from lunch back to my office and

this this black dude came up to me and he's like yeah he said what's up is it pizza day today and

i'm like no not pizza day and he's like oh all right and he walked off and i said wait a minute

that's a coat for weed i think yeah i was pretty sure it was yeah for some random guy to come up

up to say it's a pizza day today i think he was yeah trying to say you know if i wanted to buy

weed you know okay sounds about right that'd be about right he's probably a cop what would have

happened if you turned around and said yeah yeah i'm having a pizza tonight yeah i don't know he

seen the new would have cuffed me i don't know and i was leaving that office once too and this guy's

like he was like mumbling this guy in a celtics hat this white irish looking kid who's like

like i'm like what he goes he goes i said i got pot i'm like okay it's like yeah i got good pop

man it's only like one of the dollars you know like i'm good man i was like and i told my

co-workers the next day i was like i'm pretty sure it was a cop because i was like i got pot

no one on the street just here i got pot you know what i mean that's really retarded

hey uh carlito you haven't talked about it yet but uh what was this shit you got into at work

oh dude i'm working i got this new job and everything's i got this one dude he's really

cool he's training me but he weighs about 400 something pounds oh it's jack masterson yeah he's

jack masterson and he's he smells like he can't i don't think he can reach around to wipe his ass

i'm not trying to be mean or nasty but this guy within a 10 foot radius of him it smells like

fucking diarrhea microwave shit oh god that's not his name billy pounds and i don't smell bad

what he's really saying is he needs a bidet to fucking take care of the situation he does but

man it sucks like usually i work with one named billy just like that usually it's not too bad

until like later in the night as we're moving you know printer supplies and stuff he sweats

we're doing minimal physical work he starts sweating and then he starts stinking but

But two Fridays ago, he smelled so bad, I came home and I smelled like it.

I came home, I had to throw all my clothes in the fucking washer, and I had to take a shower.

You had to wear a hazmat suit to work the next day.

Yeah, I can't.

I think your wife was worried you may have been sleeping with him.

Yeah, right.

I can't sit in the same chair that he sits in at work because the stink sticks to me.

The workplace order is some of the worst shit ever.

like i used to have some asshole they used to sit next to me in a cubicle that fucking had like the

worst smelling food it was like some indian fucking food and every day they'd heat that

shit up i'm like you motherfucker yeah but this fucking guy just smells like fucking

microwave diarrhea and then yeah that would be better than fucking you know carlito taking a

shit in a fucking brown paper towel and putting it in a microwave i imagine that's what yeah but

But then I even told one of my coworkers, like, hey, man, what's up with this dude?

And he's like, yeah, you know, some people have complained to management about him,

and he never seems to do anything about him.

I'm like, are you serious?

He's like, yeah, it's been going on for years.

I'm like, oh, fuck, man.

Well, that's probably the joke around the office, you know?

It's like, well, let's stick him with Fatty McStinky.

Yeah.

And if you last two weeks, then you're fucking in, I guess.

You need to call Zappos and make that fucking complete.

What?

about what about some shoes from this guy he smelled like ass all right hey this is ken this

is your last one so these people looking to babysit on uh they want someone to watch their

five-year-old on valentine's day okay they put an ad out what are we gonna watch them do

that's a bit creepy that is a little bit strange oh we should call that babysitter

porn guy from last week hi you've reached crystal find that in your name and number

and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

Boogie, boogie, boogie.

Try again.

I figured you could probably call these people up

and tell them, like,

you have a few things on your record,

but something.

I just said sex up in there.

I also have to let you know

I'm a registered sex offender.

Yeah, the child porn case has been expunged.

That shit ain't on there anymore.

Yeah.

It's like, why even bring it up, asshole?

All right.

They had a guy, a child porn guy,

he fucking, around where I live,

he cut his ankle bracelet off

and fucking ran away

we got a request to prank here from the sovereign state

of madhouse live chat

it says stop pranking the entire

chat room and go back to the clean looking

chat death fox any comment about

that no

alright there you go

I choose to answer get back you piece of shit

this new chat is really

secure and you can

ban people and they actually stay banned

unless they use a proxy which I can ban that proxy

two god damn seconds I see

Screamer quit, Cole quit

you know what

they're quitting on their own

there you

ban nobody on maybe dude but like this

is that the three admins

can see the real hosts

and IPs of everybody, and

you can ban them, and

people can't even pay.

I don't want to see my IP. That's an evasion of privacy.

Only Carlito Bookman and I can see

your IP. Oh, that's great.

I like that.

Hold on a second.

I've got the biggest cock, so why can't I see it?

Why do you want to see an

ad? Don't whine. You get

a free ad with fucking Mibbitz,

so screw that.

Hello, please state your name after the tone, and Google Voice will try to reach.

Veeamon brand partner, Scott Willett.

The train is three miles long.

I got a number in Canada.

These people, it's a gas station at the very bottom of a steep hill.

If a car truck were to slam on its brakes, it would slide on the ice.

It would hit the gas station.

Tell them they should be ready for that because it's snowing and very icy,

and a truck is on its way, and they should get out of the way.

All right, good.

there you go i'd call him up and tell him you saw a homeless guy outside taking his

shit by the pumps i like that better let's do that all right you know what weapon is

and then the truck then i'm gonna mute myself for a second that is a bus tell me you're pissed

you stepped in it you say there's a bus on its way that can't go slower than 50 miles an hour

uh it's not going through hey stupid james maltby you suck dweebo whatever your name is

That's why you send a number in a proper format.

He was fucking tripping out earlier.

Every week he comes in here,

what, is this for a show tonight?

Is it an hour later?

And, like, nobody would answer him

because he asks the same shit every week.

Yeah, I tell everybody on the website.

He asked me on Facebook,

he's like, is this for a show?

I'm like, yes.

He's like, okay,

because no one's asked me in the chat room.

I'm like, okay.

Chill out, dude.

Read the topic, look at website.

There you go.

It's that easy.

Invalid phone number.

You see?

You know, you got to add.

why they have a topic in that chat that's right there is a reason to have the topic in the chat

and a countdown clock on the website yeah it doesn't get any easier than that uh

new new reminding us that there's horse meat in the burger kings over in the uk so

we can call those horse meat over here for him if he wants it just the tip there you go there you

go um oh we got some more british numbers what what were we supposed to call was there something

on deck i think that's it right that we did all the walgreens we did all the uh the request of

pranks here yeah uh so let's wrap let's rapid fire uh i got some numbers in new south wales

and some indian restaurants and we'll call it a night there's an echo coming off your mind

god i don't know damn it again uh you're a goddamn liar there's no echo on this end

on him just on him it might have went away say something oh something i've got no echo here

Okay, no, it went away.

It was just for a second.

Okay.

What the fuck?

$300 microphone and $10 fucking iPod headphones over there.

You got to get that fixed, man.

Put some money into your headphones now, and then you'll be complete.

The circle will be complete.

I have really good headphones.

You have Bullock's headphones.

I blame Scott.

I'm going to give Def Fox a fucking flashlight so he can relax.

I do relax.

What are you talking about?

Do you relax with a flashlight?

like that's the best relaxing i don't use those you should get a genji egg what are they called

gin ginger gin steward egg genji egg tango tango there you go too busy to do you ever buy one of

those horse face masks that i posted on your facebook yeah i'm gonna get that i've been

watching it for like a whole year on amazon i never i've never broken down and bought one

i i have this fucking uh like coupon site they post some good shit and they're like here's the

a weird poster of the day and i'm looking like a fucking full head for a horse mask and i'm like

yeah that's going right over to carlito it doesn't been getting around hello yeah hi is this russia

yes yes morning this is pushkin hotel yes hi i'm looking for a soviet woman uh to come over to my

room tonight soviet soviet yeah uh what do you mean a woman from the soviet union will come over

and i'm gonna wear a horse mask and get behind a little bit late just a little bit because soviet

union has been broken like 20 yeah but four years ago you're still a bunch of atheist communist

dirty people right excuse me you're still dirty atheist communist people uh no i'm not because i

was born after oh you're you're a young little girl huh yeah yeah sorry so i cannot help you

Do you have a tight, tight, tight virginal pussy?

I want that ass, Cherry.

According to the chat, I'm uppity.

You're uppity negro.

Hello?

Yes?

Yeah, you're an uppity negro, you know that?

Oh, yes, yes.

I cannot, yes.

You have to know this.

Fucking house, negro.

Do you have a tight virginal asshole for me to use?

Them Russian girls.

Give her a call one more time, I got something.

I was much more relaxed when I used to drink.

Say hello, I am a Russian.

I want to get inside the virginal ass.

I just can't drink anymore.

Good.

Hey, baby.

Hey, baby, I want to tongue your asshole.

Very, very mature.

All right.

All right, next one in Russia, the Alexander House Boutique Hotel.

I'll do this one.

It'll be bad, like most of my calls on here.

Okay, Zyklon.

Nice.

I only do good calls by myself.

i don't know uh good calls yeah i do that damn good calls hello hello are you russian

yep i'm not are you jealous excuse me are you jealous that i'm not russian and you're some

dirty weird crazy ex-soviet union dirty country shitty person that has to live in this world lack

of all social skills and i don't know you're just you're just the scum of the earth how does that

make you feel you there yeah i'm just wondering how does that make you feel man uh excuse me i'll

let you talk to my friend jim go ahead yes hello how are you sir hello yeah yeah yeah yeah how are

you hello hello thank you i'm fine tell me what you're wearing tonight uh what what are you wearing

so i can identify you when i come in there uh what the weather not the weather you idiot what

clothes do you have on close to yeah you idiot you don't even speak english do you yeah yeah

Yeah, you stupid, stupid, stupid Russian man.

I wanted to come in there and reservoir...

Reservoir... I don't even know what I'm saying.

I want to reserve a room for myself.

Can I do that?

And my buddy that you spoke to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In just a moment.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, excellent.

Get out of there.

Put me on the spot.

Jesus.

All right, I'm going to come up with something.

Dude.

No, it's all right.

Don't worry.

Come on.

Shit.

Yeah, mine too.

Fucking flapjack tits.

Hello, it's Alexandra.

Hello.

How are you, Alexandra?

Thank you.

Excellent. I'm very good as well. I want to come in there. I stayed at your hotel before, but last time I was there, one of the people in the room next door to me was very loud. He was very loud. He was making noise and playing the bongo drums and all this sort of thing, and I don't want that to happen again, but I'm afraid I have to come there because I have a job locally. So, is it possible to stay there very soon?

Which days would you like to stay here?

Tomorrow till the day after tomorrow.

yes but you have to make absolutely certain that the person in the next room is not going to be

making any noise you understand and i want to okay good i've got some friends that i want to

to bring in some colleagues of mine and they're going to come along too and we're gonna you know

work from the room is that okay yes i think so because last last time we did that as well but

But this time we're doing it again.

You understand?

Do you remember the room where you stayed before?

What?

Do you remember the name of the room where you have stayed before?

No, I don't.

I want you to just pick one at random.

And could you please tell me your name?

Mr. Stewart.

Gin Stewart.

Stewart.

Mr. Stewart.

Yes.

F-T-E-W-A-R-T.

Yes, yes.

Silence.

I'm sorry?

I said silence.

Yes, I just can't hear you clearly.

Yeah, I can't hear you clearly, yeah. There's some dog making noises.

I'm telling it to be quiet.

Uh-huh.

So...

So, we want to come in.

We have only...

There's six... Oh, what do you have?

We have only deluxe room for the day tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.

Yeah.

And we're gonna have... Listen.

Alright, this is the situation. Listen to me very carefully.

They want to come with this coming into the room and work together and we can have an orgy

Not an orgy is i'm sorry. That signal is very bad. I hear you clearly

Hello, yeah, this isn't working. It's fuck it. Yeah. Hello russia. Hello, ma'am. I'm hearing an echo on my end

This is stupidity really with the fucking dog and everything. I hear it also

It just it doesn't work you can't you can't do it like that

It's like living a fucking voicemail.

We got a lot of clients on here.

Is it still the fucking thing?

Is it still echoing?

Yep.

Right now?

Yeah, it's echoing now.

Because I said it was doing it earlier.

I did it for a second.

But nobody looked at me.

What?

Did he say something?

Hang on.

Let me see if I got it.

I can fix it.

I said it goes in and out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was kidding.

Now, what about now?

Echo now?

You guys talk.

Yeah, I'm talking.

No.

Echo's gone.

See, I know how to fix it now.

Now, if I just turn off the microphone and turn it on on my end, it goes away.

Very strange.

There we go.

Fix it.

I'm sorry.

All right.

I'll be mad.

I'm more mad about the fucking dog.

That's Death Fox's dog.

Where the fuck is that dog coming from?

That's Death Fox.

I keep my thing muted.

It wasn't me.

My dogs don't sound like that.

Is that your dog?

No.

They're not in here.

Oh, is that Patton?

Patton's dead.

Oh.

He died like a couple weeks ago.

I'm kidding.

I'm sorry.

And a couple calls ago, like a couple weeks ago, I was making some dog sounds along with fucking Hillock, but I can't make those type of ones.

You were doing it, Carlito, because I saw your mock loud out.

Oh, I'm sorry.

All right.

Sorry, I was just...

I don't want to accuse you of that, Carlito.

Fuck you, fuck.

He knows he did it.

There's no accusing.

I'm just looking at the little squares they light up when people talk.

Just like when Carlito was fucking telling that guy about the dog that bit him in the ass at the Walmart while he was getting a BJ.

his fucking wife nice all right i'll stop with the dogs i don't know why i started playing dogs

that sounds like a cat right there i was waiting for dirty to fucking fire off i shut that fucking

dog so we can talk up everybody trolls me because i'm such an easy troll all right enough for the

dogs jen don't be mad i'm sorry it was just that you don't like dogs i do a lot of dogs i just

don't like dogs fucking the cola all right all right dogs up carlino sorry man all right here's

Here's an Indian restaurant.

That'll cheer Jen up.

There you go, Jen.

No, I'm not going to do it.

I'll do it.

All right, there you go.

I won't play any dogs, I promise.

I'm all sad now.

No.

No, I'm fine.

He lived 14 years.

All right, he deserved it.

Huh?

What the hell?

That sounds very Australian.

I'm sorry.

Hey, that was rude of me.

I'll never say that again.

That's not true.

i'd be sad if my cats died so it's all good man for real no it's not good i'll never do it again

here's the next one the grand hotel europe i'm out russia okay i'll do it then russia

hi is this the grand hotel yeah i want some indian food yes you want to take a booking sir

yeah i want some chicken tikka masala what day you're going to get an offer i'll let my friend

and place the order. Here's Jen.

Oh, okay. Hello. How are you? I'll have two

chicken, two masala, two pilau rice, two full

tandoori chicken, two lamb rogan, Josh, whatever the

bloody hell else you've got. Give it all to me. I want

it all, and I want to stick it in your backside

and then make it come out

of your mouth. He wanted the Indian.

That's why I gave it to him. Yeah, yeah, I know.

Yeah. Did I want the Indian? I didn't

want the Indian. You always want the Indian.

Oh, I want the Indian.

Oh, fuck yeah.

I am available right now.

Please leave a...

hello hello all right this rbc piece is one of those photo customers keep trying to call him

really well he's not they're not calling me and that's not nice uh brad school me to which one

that is and we'll call him back i don't know let me know all right here this is the grand hotel

you're up yes i was wanting to know about a room hello you said you're up i was wanting to know

about a room i'm sorry english yes yes i'm from the south so it's gonna be a little hard for you

to understand my patriotism coming through my voice um i was going to get a room you want to

reserve a room yes one minute please hold on the line no no no no i've become bored of my own show

tonight sorry guys enjoy then let me go on you son of a no three at rossi's restaurant

front posts you are most important yeah we should do a fucking 24-hour show yes um i was wanting to

make a reservation you want to do a reservation yes you need to speak more proper english you're

talking to a southerner here for which states you need to do that right now right now have you

stayed with us before you think i've stayed in one of your dirty soviet union hotels before

no no uh what kind of room do you want to have i want the biggest room which room the biggest one

the big like uh big like your ass shut up big like your ass

you let your boner lift you up i would like three nuggets because i'm on a diet please

half diet coke everybody does that soundboard by heart two of them your ass okay four chicken

i think everybody's memorized that soundboard by now it's a good soundboard man it's good yeah

it's not good as arnold well you know nu nu really uh pushed that to the limit that arnold

one um i don't know hey brent you want to go on brent lee brent westwood yeah do you have some

M.U.K. numbers to pass on, or what?

I see Lonesome's not here, huh?

Yeah, he is.

He's in the chat.

Oh, you are?

He's going to stream?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he's going to stream, because I'm getting tired.

And you guys, you see, I've improvised where I'm starting to make soundboards here.

Prankquickie.com.

I want to say that.

What about it?

It's a great website.

I'm on that.

What the hell?

That's so cool.

Everybody needs to go there.

And I also want to say, I'm starting not this Sunday, but next Sunday, me and Dozer's

going to start a show.

So you can go to Prankquickie and read about it.

So do it.

Are you going to do it at a suitable UK time?

It's going to be about 7pm

human time.

That's human time.

We don't know about the UK time.

7pm

East Coast time is

only 5 hours.

It's not going to be this Sunday, but next Sunday

at 7pm and it's going to be on

Mixler.

Because I like that and I don't like

shoutcasts.

I'm going to do a show again, but I don't know when I'm going to do a show again

Because people keep fucking emailing me

Asking about when are you going to do a show

So yeah, I'm going to do a show

Hey Jim, when are you going to do a show?

I don't know

When are you going to do a show?

So everybody go there right now

Alright, sorry

Me and Milkman are going to wrap things up here

And then Aaron, you get prepared

Prepare your cables and everything

Can you ring me so I can come in?

Yeah, ring me

Yeah, no problem

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, come on.

You've got me on Skype, yeah?

Oh, fucking come in.

Let me make sure.

Hold on.

Yeah, and Lonesome's banging me some numbers already, so.

Bang.

All right, so just add me in on.

Just a tip.

There you go.

I'm going to listen.

I'm going to listen and enjoy the show.

You know, that's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to do some listening.

Let me see here.

you're a g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-genny stewart yep there

he is all right there you go all right well

dirty i'll let you go so you can get ready

okay how long you need uh seven minutes all right cool

perfect timing all right see you later man everyone stay tuned for him that guy

bye all right him can see you later i'm

you're gonna you'll probably be on erin's erin show too so i'll listen to

you over there

i probably won't be on there okay check your voicemail ken

check your voicemail i'll check it all right see you ken

see you later man

alright

Jen

yeah hi

I'm excited for you

to be on an Aaron show

I'm gonna listen to that

man

yeah but

I shit man

I wish we could've

carried on doing shit

it should be just a show

with me you and Milkman

you know the classic days

when we used to do this shit

yeah we should do that

you know one day

we should do that again

come on

yeah we should

but not now

because I'm tired

alright

yeah I understand that

yeah it was okay

you did good

you did a great show

I enjoyed

lost gas at the end

but I'm doing good

hey man

you put fucking dogs in it

I pissed you off sorry about that

no I like come on man

nothing pisses me off it's all for fun right

except for when you lose your power you get all cranky

yeah that's fucked up I mean wow

but me and you we're still on for this deal

right yes I am

we're all on

we're gonna do shit

alright milkman take us out of here

go that dog

milkman take us out of here

pull the tail of the dog

milkman's gonna take us out of here

now

yeah man you know what i just think i figured it out man what'd you do it was one of those

people there that had the photographs that's what it was okay i mean hey man quite a great show

man actually fantastic right here in the mouth everybody enjoyed it i'm sure quite a dynamic duo

i'd like to uh especially thank our numbers hit man strike the loser thank you sir and thank you

You, Jim Stewart, for joining us tonight in the dynamic show.

It was a great show, man.

I'm so glad you're back.

And I'd also like to thank all our friends out there.

Everybody in the chat showed up tonight and had a little bit of fun.

And I hope you enjoy the new chat.

I'd like to thank Death Fox for doing a great job with the chat.

And him and his diabolical companions, they did a great job.

Thanks so much.

And if you don't like it, call the complaint department.

1-800-C-R-Y-D-A-B-E-Y.

We'll be right there to take care of that, okay?

And I'd like to thank all our friends over there at Cactus Radio,

all our friends over there at Descending Kid,

everybody out there on Saturday night, Friday night.

We do this every week for you.

The most interactive show you can find right here on the Internet.

That's right.

We drop a dime.

We only ask that you give us your time.

Share and laugh.

Bring a friend.

Better yet, bring an enemy.

You're always welcome right here in the Madhouse.

Ain't that right there, Monito?

Oh, thank you so much.

Great show.

All right, cool.

Yeah, thanks to everyone who joined us tonight, including Jen Stewart, Ken,

Aaron, who else is here?

Aaron, yeah.

Death Fox, Zyklon tried to call in.

That's everyone.

And everyone who sent in numbers on the request of Prank,

I already thank Lonesome.

Lonesome, thanks.

And Brad, thanks for those Walgreens photo numbers.

They were pretty good.

And I guess we're done.

everyone stay tuned for the Brent Westwood show

starting up in a few minutes

in the meantime I leave you with this tribute here

to the lonesome loser

enjoy that and catch you next week

thank you

Calls (37, 1 h 38 min of 2 h 55 min)

Transcript

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