Mimimimi

Perfect.

That's why.

Hi.

Here we go.

Now I fixed it.

Volume machine fixed.

Hey, kids.

This is Carlito.

And this is Madhouse.

Yeah.

I'm happy to be here.

I'm the host of the show where we do prank calls and talk about news of the day and stuff.

It's a very exciting time.

With me here tonight, as usual, is that big fat motherfucker Milkman.

Hi.

It's F.R.T.E.S.O.

So good to hear your melodious tones, my friend.

How you feeling?

You're sounding very jubilant tonight.

And I hear you've got some excitement up your sleeve there

playing for the takers here.

I'm going to let you in the madhouse.

Hermanito, let's kick it off, brother.

I got cocaine up my sleeve.

Up the sleeve, up the sleeve.

Yeah.

And everybody else who gives a shit.

Jen Stewart here. That's skinny motherfucker Jen Stewart. Yeah, I can't really chop what he said.

Hi, Jen. What a team!

Hi. Hi. Hi. All right, and Bill is here also. Hey, Bill. Everyone say hi to Bill.

Where's Bill? Who's Bill? He's not talking. I don't know. I can't even see him on the thing. He's being quiet. He's muted right now.

He's on Gort Talk.

Yeah, he's important, Chandler.

There you go.

Jin sees him now.

Take your gourd.

Well, I don't.

I'm just saying I see him just to, you know.

Don't fuck shit up.

Billy, Billy Bob.

Billy Bob.

Yeah, man.

I had a lot of onions tonight.

Feeling good, you know?

Onions make me feel good.

They got a lot of vitamin C in them.

Yeah.

Oh, hell.

Wait till you light one up here in a little bit, man.

Oh, are you lighting?

Are you lighting one?

I'm going to light up an onion.

That's what I'm talking about.

I'm going to blaze an onion.

Hey, don't light up an onion.

Don't do it, man.

Jim, you don't know what we're talking about.

An onion is a code word.

I love it.

It's brilliant.

An onion is a code word.

You don't know what it is.

All right.

Onion ass.

I just think we should try that on somebody else and just see if we can light up an onion.

Yeah, you get arrested if you say it to the wrong guy.

Onion is an ounce, man.

An ounce of the marijuana.

Ow!

An ounce.

Oh.

Tell him what an onion ass is.

I don't know what an onion ass is.

Oh, you know what an onion ass is.

Everybody knows what an onion ass is.

Is this ass so fine it makes your eyes tear up like you're crying?

Onion ass.

No, that's when I stuff an ounce of weed in my ass when the cops are pulling me over.

Or when I take a trip to Puerto Rico.

I usually put about an ounce in a condom and put it up my ass for the plane flight.

You have to.

I mean, what else are you going to do?

Why?

You got to bring your own drugs with you.

You know, you got to put them up the ass.

K-Wide or are you just jamming?

I use Vaseline.

Old school, man.

Oh, hell no.

You don't fool around, man.

This is fucking weird.

Welcome to the house.

Vaseline feels better.

It's harder to get out.

That's right.

It doesn't dry out as fast.

Vaseline, you don't have to worry about it drying out and recharging it.

Fisting.

Yeah, because, you know, K-Wide jelly is water-based, so it dries out.

you have to spit on it to recharge it you know you know i'm talking about gin right

i the i do know what you're talking about you and and you know vaseline petroleum-based

man you know it transfers heat very nicely oh it feels warm yeah you guys weird man

you're just talking about putting things up your eyes and a good look man not should not

shield the heat effect don't we mean you know i'll protect success sex anal sex with vaseline

is like the most so warm yay you feel all that you get all the feelings man all right well let's

continue with the show we do prank calls here that's what we're here for you know i don't lie

and we just talk about gay shit i don't like i don't like uh mpsa cobra has a little bit of an

attitude in the chat room every week when i start the show he starts saying stupid shit which guy

mpsa cobra he starts saying disparaging things about me and the show and i don't appreciate

appreciate that so i'm putting him on notice all right all right okay we're gonna keep an eye on

that nickname there should he decide to show up stop being a dick neck you are on the uh watch

list another thing is uh jose is banned still he's completely and jose jose's band so is jose

jose's band and uh i understand someone was on death fox did a show last night uh oh he was he

He did his first show last night.

I understand someone was on there saying that I'm on kidney dialysis.

Someone went on there saying that, what was it?

I'm on kidney dialysis.

I don't know who it was yet, but when I find out who it was, that person is going to be in big trouble with me also.

Kidney dialysis.

Punch him in the mouth, Carlito.

Punch their ass in the mouth.

That's not appreciated saying that I'm on kidney dialysis.

Put it in the teeth.

What is that?

That's serious.

Seeing as my mom died of kidney, right after I picked her up for kidney dialysis.

Man, everybody that knows you knows.

I just said that.

What a dickhead.

An hour after I picked my mom up from kidney dialysis, she died in my arms.

Yeah, I appreciate that.

It is the arms, man.

That is a heartbreaker, man.

That poor guy.

That's some dramatic shit.

Yeah.

But it's real, man.

That's the thing, man.

It is real.

So I was very disappointed in Death Foxx for letting that go on last night on the air.

Oh, my.

Death Foxx.

Oh, boy.

I have to check them, man.

Check your boys.

Check your boys, man.

Keep your boys in check.

Keep your hoes in check.

All right, so we've got prank calls to do here tonight.

We've got a lot of requests to pranks, as usual.

I'm sure Ken's going to send in some of those one-bedroom for rent.

One-bedroom roommates.

Real quick, okay, real quick.

Okay, members, my buddy Screamer stopped, but he had a good idea.

Okay, it's going to take a little setup, but this was a really good idea.

He threw this out.

He was listening to the show, and he had a great time last week, by the way, guys.

And he said, why don't we send, like, a cab or a pizza guy?

So you know how some of those houses have the construction in their yard, and they'll put up a little outhouse out front?

Yeah, a toilet.

Right. Send them to the outhouse, get the address, and then send them the fucking outhouse pizza.

All right. Yeah, that's hilarious.

So how am I supposed to get the address just for that? Do I tell them it's in the outhouse?

That's what I said. It's going to take some setup.

In the meantime, all of our people out there, if you see a cool outhouse sitting on a curb somewhere, grab the address, and we're going to utilize it.

man it'll be a lot of fun a better idea is an interesting concept yeah a better idea is sit on

sit inside the outhouse and then tip it over from the inside and see what happens oh good that's

real good even better take an m80 or a big firecracker and throw it down the exhaust pipe

and the methane in there will cause the whole thing to blow up inside all over you there you

go that'll probably go off a lot better than your idea milkman i'm just imagining it hit

modern blue she got that blue purple shit in your ass yeah like steve-o okay well along with

all the fucking vaseline and ky jelly you guys are talking about i'm sure that'll be an interesting

mix and the and the ass beads you ever try ass beads uh on a girl you are fucking that's hot

yeah damn that's hot yeah jen girl there's some girls who like these beads on a strain that you

put in the ass yeah yeah i know yeah they're called bed bed what are they called bedlam

No, they're just called weird.

Weird?

Okay.

Weird beads.

Ben Wah Balls.

Yeah.

Yeah, she puts it in her ass and she shakes her ass and it goes...

It makes the noises like those Chinese balls.

Alright.

You know, you're giving me an idea here, you know.

You could use those beads to hide drugs and smuggle drugs.

Okay.

There you go.

I- I...

You know, you're talking about smuggling onions.

onions i thought perhaps you could maybe i don't know chop up an onion and stick it into some beads

and then you know just give it to a nice looking girl i mean she's not going to get strip set

in america she would maybe not over there in uh wherever you live over there in england and europe

the corollary also to that idea if not a outhouse how they got those dumpsters dumpsters oh yeah

you know i was going to give one in san francisco and i was like cool it's even got the address on

And then there was another one.

The numbers in San Francisco, the dumpsters are numbered.

The pods.

That coordinates with the tracks.

It's a numbering system.

I was a little laughing my ass off.

Send it to 5642 or an 85 Bryant, please.

All right.

All right, look, let's do prank calls.

Listen, I'm going to pop some in the chat here just in case Jim wants to do some.

We got numbers in Thailand being sent in here by Mr. Lonesome Loser.

Thailand, where we have, isn't it Chinese New Year?

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

Chinese New Year.

Well, they don't...

Nepal New Year starts on Monday.

Oh, the year of the snake, man.

The snake machine.

It's 2069, I think, in Nepal.

Nice.

How come they're ahead of us?

What's that about?

That's not right.

Because they're going back to Buddhist times.

Oh, wow, man.

That's trippy.

All right, so Kuang Seafood Shark Spin Soup.

All right, Jen.

Shark Spin Soup.

you know that's abuse against sharks they say yeah yeah yeah i'm gonna talk to them you talk

to them okay you keep hello hello hi i'm american hello yes hi yes i'm calling about do you have

shark fin soup or do you just have the name like that yes oh good and how do you catch the shark

do you jump in the water and wrestle him oh sorry how do you catch the shark do you jump in the water

morning yes hi good morning

do you want something

shark fin

shark fin soup yeah it's for the king of thailand

you know who that is

stupid

this is very rude

it's like you're sitting there talking about me

now where you stay

hey asshole I'm talking to you

listen

I'm not good at English.

I have a problem.

Do you want something?

I want the king of Thailand.

Huh?

The king of Thailand.

What?

No, the king of Thailand, asshole.

Sir.

Do you know who Bumibol

Adulayade?

I don't know about that.

I have a problem.

Hello.

Okay, hello.

Yeah, hi.

Do you know who Bumabal Adulayadej is?

You want to come here or deliberately?

Yeah, I want to punch the king of Thailand in the cock, in the penis.

Yeah.

Yeah, you know who the king of Thailand is?

I don't know where.

You know who the king, the king?

The king?

Yeah, of Thailand?

Yeah.

He's an asshole.

Shut that stupid baby up or I'll kick her in the pussy.

What the fuck?

okay well they just kept going on in time and what the hell and then there's some kid

i thought it was a woman there was a kid i don't know it might have been this weird language

hello make my making that hello make mark make sorry she have me make mark i'm i'm

I don't understand, sorry.

Shake, make, mark, and make.

Shake, make, mark.

I don't know.

Voila, my ho.

Um.

Chocha?

Hmm?

Chocha.

What are you talking about?

I'm not sure.

You know Chocha?

I don't know.

Uh, suck.

Suck Chocha.

Crica Negra.

Huh?

Crica Negra.

Okay.

Um, I've no knowledge of that.

Sorry.

Oh, can I make an order for shark soup?

Where are you now?

Oh, I'm in the United States.

Huh?

United States.

Where, your hotel or what?

No, I'm in America. I'm in my hotel in Chicago.

Now you're in Chicago?

Uh-huh.

Why you call me for what?

For soup. I want soup from Thailand.

Okay, goodbye.

I'm Kanye West.

At least he's having fun with it, right? He's laughing the whole time.

Yeah, it's a nice start to the show, you know nice friendly start made him see chocha, which is a pussy in Spanish

That was nice. Very hot. Yeah, he thought you were trying to say in his language or something

Yeah, oh, it's pussy in Puerto Rican. Mmm, whatever

Right at the beginning I was just saying what was the same big Mac Mac and that was his bullshit

He was like Big Mac Big Mac

Nice hermano. Did you check out that Pasquale picture man?

man. I think we may have found Pasquale,

man. I think it was posted on your

Facebook account. Yeah, I saw that.

That was very nice. Thank you.

We found him? Yeah!

Been looking for him for like eight years, dude.

Yeah. I know, man. I couldn't

believe it. Now I know. You can see him.

Do you see him in that little window on the left?

That's him punching the dough, dude.

Punching the dough? No, I didn't see that.

Yeah, man. He's in there punching the dough, man.

I was done when

they were not open yet, and he was standing there

in the window punching the dough, you know, getting the dough

ready for the day yeah that was him in the window there man you look at he's wearing the glass nice

what model yeah hi is this the beauty spa hello hi is this beauty spa what beauty spa

spa beauty spa massage okay how many girls yeah I want massage and I want her

to jack me jerk me off at the end will she jerk me off at the end okay they

they only understand happy ending fucking disgusting language Oh good

good food though yeah it's nice nice food uh hello yeah hi i was asking about happy ending

hello yeah hi this is the beauty spa

what you don't know send me send me send you what money you're stupid no understand you're stupid

that's why yeah whatever go in the corners stick your finger in your ass and smell it like a monkey

put your finger in your ass and smell it like monkey monkey

you're a monkey no no no i don't understand no no oh stupid do you know when you know how stupid

is that's you bye go to hell all right next one that one's busy god damn it try it again

still busy shit all right here's another one then this is in bangkok yeah this is in bangkok this

This is Van A Beauty in the Times Square building in Bangkok, Thailand.

Nice.

You know, if you walk through an airport turnstile sideways, you're going to Bangkok.

It's a bad joke, sorry.

No, it's good.

I like it.

Not many people are going to get that.

It's not my joke.

I stole that.

Oh, I see.

Hello.

Whatever you're saying.

Hello.

Good morning.

How are you?

Okay.

I'm fine.

Very good.

Yeah.

Speaking English.

Very good English speaking.

Are you done?

Yeah.

English.

Very good speaking.

You?

yeah thank you yeah very welcome all right i want to come in there and you're going to make me

pretty aren't you yeah what's up inside counting me yeah and you making look pretty me you

understand no i don't know oh is your boyfriend there is the man get the man moment please yeah

okay uh telephone my boss no no no i i want i want i will yeah speak english yeah telephone

phone speak english yeah your boss yeah excellent yeah yeah yeah zero yeah eight nine what hold on

a second what are you doing are you giving me the number yeah zero eight nine zero eight nine

that's the number yeah zero eight nine two zero two yeah six nine okay excellent excellent what's

this number you're giving me what is this for are we counting you come yeah yeah i'm listen give me

Give me the number again, I'm gonna say it to you.

You say it to me and then I'll say it to you.

Say it, go ahead.

Say it.

One moment please.

Yeah.

Just get over here and start fucking with that car.

Give me the wrong number back.

Like what?

Hello.

Haha.

Yeah.

You got...

Haha.

You want a telephone number my boss, okay?

Yeah.

Telephone number your boss.

Give it to me.

Give it.

Give it to me.

Hard.

089.

179.

Yeah.

089.

7, 1.

Eh?

Give it to me again.

0, 8, 9.

7, 8, 9.

0, 0.

7, 7.

0, 8, 9.

7, 8, 9.

What's the rest of it?

2, 0, 2.

7, 0, 2.

She was stupid.

0, 8, 9.

0, 7.

0, 9.

7, 7, 7.

But they don't speak English.

They speak weird.

yeah is 0 8 9 2 0 2 yeah what's the rest 6 9 uh-huh so 7 8 9 7 8 9 2 4 2 2 9 1 0 yes that's

not it stupid okay next time sir we're busy oh what are you doing honey what time uh for two

two o'clock seven hello hello yeah i want to make a booking for the girl yeah what time mr

uh for two two person seven four hello yeah i want to make a booking for 089

mr booking today yeah for 089 089

what's his what's boss's number 789 7 789

989-202.

789-202.

The fucking bitch, she changed it.

989-80.

Okay, and what's the boss's name?

Is it stupid?

Let me call my boss.

Does your boss speak English?

I don't know my boss speak English okay.

Very good English or no?

Yes.

Okay, what's the boss's name?

Name, name.

Can you give me the name, honey?

I'm calling the boss now, hang on.

And you explain it, okay?

Okay.

Hello? Yeah, is this the boss of the store?

Hello?

Are you the boss of the spa?

Yes.

Okay, because I called there and they're so stupid.

They don't know what's happening.

What happened?

Well, because I'm trying to make a reservation for him to jerk off with the girl,

for the girl to watch me jerk off.

And when she said to call you, she's telling me to call you.

Can you talk to her and tell her to make a reservation?

Yes.

Okay, so sorry.

What time today?

day um how about 12 o'clock okay and then will the girl touch me and kiss me all over no we cannot

do that that's why maybe they ask you to call me oh so will you do it then because we don't do we

don't do that kind of thing we are very uh decent spa you can do it on the street oh you'll do it

for me then on the street yes on the street there's a lot of spas they do it for you like

that kind of thing okay we don't do we just do the massage so where are you gonna where are you

You're going to meet me on the street.

Where do you want to meet, me and you?

No, I mean spa on the street, not me.

Do you have a spa on the street?

Spa on the street.

Okay.

Not me.

You want to go?

Not me or not my spa.

You want to go?

Spa on the street.

You want to go?

The girls, they do it for you.

You want to go to the spa on the street with me and kiss me, you say?

No, no, not me.

Oh, who?

Not me.

Who?

Anybody on the street.

You can meet them.

Anybody?

No, I'm very busy.

I'm sorry.

I'm very busy.

See, right now, I have to go to church, so please, uh, hang up.

You're an a-

If you can't find anywhere else, not my spot, okay?

You're a stupid asshole, that's why.

You are, you are.

You are a stupid asshole.

Yeah, well, you need-

Okay, you don't go like that.

You need to touch me down there and everything and kiss me.

Oh, she called you an asshole.

Oh, man.

You are a stupid asshole.

You are an asshole.

Wow.

You must shut up gigging with Queen Mother.

Wow.

The spa on the street.

Dude, that is fucking...

I'm going to pack so I can try something with her.

Alright, I've got to find that spa on the street.

That's what's up, man.

I'm going to ask her.

I'm going to say you recommended her.

And I'm going to pick it up.

Alright.

Asshole.

You asshole.

No, you are.

You are, stupid asshole.

She has to go to church.

We don't even know her name.

That's a Muslim country.

Is it?

Oh, it's a Buddhist country, don't it?

No, it's a Muslim country.

It's a Buddhist?

No.

Thailand's pretty Muslim.

Thailand is...

What country is on Thailand?

Yeah.

It's the best.

They have the largest Muslim population in the world, dude.

You are fucking...

You're stupid, man.

You're the stupidest.

No, they're Buddhist, dude.

They're Buddhist.

Yeah, you can tell them.

Maybe I mean Singapore.

No, you mean Saudi Arabia.

You're talking about Indonesia.

Hello?

You're talking about Indonesia.

Hello?

Yes?

This is June Stewart.

How are you?

Who am I speaking to?

What's your name?

Hello?

Who do you want to talk to?

I want to talk to you.

My name is Jin Stewart.

My friend, he recommended you.

He said you would like to have sex with me.

You don't do like that.

It's in the morning, and today is New Year, Chinese New Year.

Don't do like that.

This is very annoying.

Oh, okay.

But I think we should meet on the street,

and we should celebrate together the Chinese New Year,

and then we should have sex.

Yes?

She's gone.

I'll try her again.

Oh, fucking bitch.

I'm going to ask her what church she goes to,

why she's muslim

you don't do that

okay

i go to church

it's the chinese new year

you asshole

oh man

come on

connect

who the hell's got a lorry driving by

was that you jim

no it's not me

i've got

i've got triple glazed windows

well that's

oh okay

that's me milkman

is there a problem

god

no i was just hoping that like

you know they dropped a

you know a keg of beer over here too man

yeah

my pencil

that sounds like shit

or an onion

an onion

yeah

Oh, yeah.

Ask that lady.

Bring an onion head that I'm talking about.

A QP.

You know what a QP is?

She's going to get pissed in a minute.

Oh, no.

Hello.

What was that?

She was on a boat or something.

She's taking the ferry to the church.

Don't do that.

It's holiday.

You ask her.

Don't do that.

It's holiday.

New Year.

All right.

We'll leave her alone.

What else?

Here's another spa over there in Thailand.

Let's have fun with that.

100% they don't speak English

And the first thing they're going to say is

It's called the 1930s spa

I don't know what significance that year has

But here we go

Remember it is a grave offense

And a crime to call

To make fun of the king of Thailand

Is it really?

Yes it is

You can say I'm the king of Thailand

They will kill your ass

I'm serious

Yes hi

Is the king of Thailand there?

Yes the king of Thailand

He's from Thailand. He's a homosexual.

Oh, sorry. This one is a spa from 1930s.

Yeah, I know. I went there, and the king of Thailand was there.

There was a man masturbating him on the massage chair.

Man massage?

Yeah, the man massaged the king of Thailand there at the 1930s spa, and he masturbated him.

He's not have man here.

Yeah, but the king of Thailand was there.

Yeah, yeah. He's from the king.

You know the king?

Yeah.

Yeah, he was masturbating men there.

mm-hmm the king came in and he said oh I'm gonna do the massage now and he

started masturbating yeah I have the king of Thailand and he's gonna explain

what he did king of Thailand go ahead I am king of Thailand mmm see he's on the

the fuck sabat sabat car i am king of thailand you bring a gold to me i fucking sound like a

spanish guy like a mexican

that should be a character that you name mandazuma

jen

we should call mexican restaurants you could do that

Yeah, yeah, alright, I'll try it.

I thought, you know, when we called her, I thought she said, yeah, this is a 1930s band.

She said spa.

Yeah.

So I completely misunderstood that.

That was fucking brilliant.

No.

Alright, here's another spa.

We've got to get these spas out of the way.

What the fuck is it with Lonesome?

He's gone on a spa rampage.

I think he's been hanging out in the spa.

I think he wants to be beautiful.

He wants to be beautiful.

He's trying to be a little...

Yeah.

No, we need to get kids to show him, man.

No, he doesn't like me.

He fucking does.

He hates me.

He said on the radio.

Did he say it?

Why?

I don't know.

He's weird.

Crazy guy.

Hello.

Yes.

Hi.

I'd like to make a reservation for a spa for masturbation.

Hello.

Yes.

Why do you answer more to me, me, me than me talking?

Hello.

Yes.

I'd like to speak to someone about coming to the spa.

huh can you speak slower yeah um can you put is there someone who speaks mimi

hello yeah do you speak mimi speak what mimi i don't get it do you know what mimi is

do you speak mimi i don't know what the fuck i'm doing there oh i'm gonna call her back again

i don't get it it's like it's an iq test or something she sat there going i don't understand

That sounded nasty.

Let me try it again.

The ring was coming in through really bad.

I don't know why the hell I was doing that.

Me, me.

That sounded nasty.

Let me try it again.

The ring was coming in through really bad.

I don't know why the hell I was doing that.

Me, me.

Something's wrong with that ringer, man.

Who says Milkbed Speaks Me, Me 24-7?

Yes, can I make a reservation for a girl?

We don't have it.

What do you have?

Who are you?

Where are you from?

I'm from America.

From America.

Oh, and America is doing that?

Yeah, I come to the spa.

What is your name?

This is Cross.

What is your name?

Mimi.

I don't get it.

My name is Mimi.

My name is Mimi, Mimi, Mimi.

Okay.

Fuck you.

Hey.

What the fuck?

How did she learn to say that?

Hey, work it over on that one.

Oh, boy.

That girl's got some fire.

Don't mess with her.

I bet she's a wild one in the sack.

She knows the F word.

It's like, fuck you and your meemees.

Wow.

Damn.

Okay.

I wasn't being mean or nothing.

I didn't even get into it.

I was just saying meemee meemee.

She's like, fuck you.

She doesn't like Americans, I guess.

Holy shit.

She's got a particular attitude towards meemees.

She doesn't like meemees.

Maybe that's like an insult over there.

Call someone a meemee.

There's an X on that culture, too.

we'll have to get some i'm gonna see if i can find some thai swear words then um

try that yeah all right never mind here's the uh kera wadai plume face p-l-u-m-e plume face i don't

know what that's supposed to say you're like a plume plume like yeah like plume like a nice red

face it's plume plume like plum like plume like no no no plume it's like it's almost like a color

it's like a fart no if you like oh ding dong you can call her a ding dong here we go i've got a

list of swear words in front of me are they easy to say yeah it looks like it yeah gary is whole

yes aloha how are you yeah yeah hi um or what is it again jim gary gary gary ding dong

You don't get it. You don't get it.

You what?

I'm sorry. I can't speak English.

Oh, no? Where are you from?

Well, this is supposed to be Thai, for fuck's sake.

Yeah. Are you stupid?

Ask him if he's N'Gor.

You just did.

Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah.

Hello, sir. Hello.

Stupid guy.

Fucking bastard.

Sorry, I forgot you could hear me. Sorry.

Ah, it's all right.

I ain't mad.

Yeah, I'm fucking stupid.

These swear words don't even work.

I ain't mad at you.

Ni-ow means sticky.

Yes, hi. You speak English?

Yes, sir.

Do you speak Mimi?

Speak English, sir.

Oh, just English? No Mimi?

Mimi? No.

Okay, no Mimi.

It's not Mimi.

Okay, no Mimi.

All right, I'm looking to make a reservation for a girl to come sit down with me

and talk to me about my problems.

Well, what would you like to do, sorry?

I want the girl to touch my face.

You need a facial.

A facial. Yeah, I want to give her a facial after.

All right.

Yeah.

For the facial?

At what time, sir?

Well, I don't know.

It only takes me like 10 minutes if she talks nice and then I masturbate and I ejaculate in her face and I give her a facial.

Well, you mean you need a facial.

Right here we have for the decoy from France.

And you want to come in 10 minutes?

Well, is this a street spa, a spa on the street?

Oh, this is a brand new spa next to a Starbucks coffee shop.

Next to Starbucks?

That's right.

This is the right place.

Okay.

Okay, and then I come in, I drink my coffee.

The name is Pranara Spa.

Pranara, yeah, so I come in, I drink my coffee.

Pranara, right?

Yeah, I come in, I drink my coffee, you know, and the girl, she touches my face and kisses me, you know.

Oh, no, I don't know.

Oh, will the girl kiss you?

I was trying to do like that.

Well, you know, I'm looking for a dirty girl to do things.

No, we have not already.

Do you know what an enema is?

A big pattern?

Do you know what an enema is?

Well, right here is a spa.

If you need a spa, if you want to do the facial, yes, you can.

Okay.

Well, I wanted to buy coffee, and I want the girl to pour the coffee on me, on my body, hot coffee on my chest.

No, sorry.

We have not lied that.

Well, can she put a hose in my ass and put the coffee in my ass?

Right here is like a clinic from the doctor.

Oh, okay.

And how about this?

The king of Thailand.

You know who that is, the king?

The king?

The king of Thailand.

Thailand?

The king of Thailand?

Yes.

He's a stupid homosexual asshole, you know?

Okay, goodbye.

No, he really is an asshole.

Don't be rude.

Don't be rude on my king, okay?

I slap him in the face with my penis.

I put my dick in his face.

Goodbye.

Don't be rude on my penis.

They really love that king in New Zealand.

Oh my.

Oh, I've got my fan guy.

He's in Thailand.

Hi.

Hi, the king of Thailand.

don't want to talk anymore thank you goodbye he pulls his pants down for the children no he doesn't

she doesn't want to i want to try one i don't know anymore goodbye let me see if we got now i got a

bunch of australian numbers i can try one that we did before though hang on don't worry let's see

you got a good one for them okay here's uh here's one that we did earlier this is one we're calling

is it yeah that we've already called can i do this sure you got it man do they speak english

I believe so.

They did here, yes.

This one, they did.

I hope so.

I hope so, too.

Oh, man.

Yeah, fucking.

That's no good, man.

That's what I said, too.

No, fucking.

Here, we'll call Prana Ra Ra again.

Was that the lady who got angry?

Yeah.

Oh, no, here's one we didn't call.

Cherry Blossom Spa.

No, I didn't call that one.

Here we go.

All right, let's do it.

Here's a new one.

All right.

Cherry Blossoms.

They smell good.

Oh, good.

That gets me onto something else, actually.

Man.

Oh.

We really need to speak to some Thai lady now.

You're in the mood for time?

No, I've just got this guy who's telling me exactly what to say.

All right, here's the last, the one that we just did earlier.

All right.

Bukkake.

My name is Bukkake, can we help you?

Hello, how are you?

You speak English?

Excuse me, I would like to call the police if you...

But wait, wait, wait, I want to...

Wait one second, hello, lady.

Damn it.

For fuck's sake, man.

I know how to say masturbate.

Yeah, damn it, masturbate's fun, too, to say.

Say...

Oh, shit, I want to...

Yeah, masturbating is pretty funny, too. Just do it all right. Here's 1930s spa. I think this book it was there

God that's whoa man. Try it again. Sounds like a fucking laser fight

Hello hello hello. Yeah, I want to come in and get a massage on the face

Yeah, yeah, I do you know what is a jamuk jamuk you kill me you know hello yeah jamuk

It's a nose. You know, it is a nose John John Luke. You know, that's the book. Yeah, you know that one

I I don't know. Yeah my my John Luke. I want you to put it in your mouth

Yeah in your mouth and I want you to I want I want to put my John Luke my nose

Into your mouth and I want you to put your tongue all over it. Do you understand? Yeah and Chuck, you know Chuck?

Wow, I don't know fucking what you want to talk with

whole yeah i want you to to chuck wow my god wow did you say go kiss your mom what did she say

i think she said fucking your mom or something okay okay i get it because you know fuck your

mom all right cool all right uh how about australia hermano hey hermano my hermano yes

uh yeah yeah connect the dead let's see what is this he's having sex

I'm checking with the dead here yeah Dieter's still waiting on him do do do

do do I have an idea for Charlie it's called Charlie yeah yeah we should call

that Faison as well me me me me me me me me is me me me me me hi hey how do we

get mad at least you know I just wanted to say me me to Charlie that's all you

want to talk to Faison your old lady yeah yeah let me keep in mind that the

number no longer comes up as blocked we do have a number going out oh nice so you've got a call-in

number brilliant maybe she's like oh i got you now make it a point to say that you're blocking

your number hello can i speak to faizan yes hello faizan this is jim stewart

i wanted to talk to you see how you were i wanted to see if you would suck my nose

What was she doing over there?

I don't know.

I'm talking about you.

I don't know who she's talking to.

It's Horace.

Hello.

Yeah, Horace, my child.

Yeah, hello, how are you?

I spoke to your wife, and she was willing to suck my nose.

Yeah, I'll put you in my mother's womb.

I'm Horace's child.

What?

I'll put you in my mother's womb.

I'll put you in my wife's womb.

You're an animal.

You are an animal.

I'll fuck your mother.

I'll fuck your wife's womb.

I'll fuck your child's womb.

What?

Do you have a child?

You bloody idiot.

I'll fuck your child's womb.

put your nose in your wife

Elmana

yeah talk to Elmana

he's here with me

what the hell

shit kind of thing are you saying

he's putting a Muslim curse on you

hello dirty Mr. Dirty

German uh oh he knows

yeah he's

he's understand

Hey, Turkish.

What the fuck?

He's like...

Yeah, you were like, you were like,

you were like, holy shit.

God.

All right.

Shit.

Okay.

Those guys are going crazy over there, man.

Weird, man.

All right, let's continue on here.

Let me play a little tune real quick.

Get into the music over here and play.

Yeah, somebody just said the Turkish guy just flipped Mimi around on Carlito.

Yeah.

I think it was that his Mimi.

Yeah, Ken.

That's right.

Mimi, Mimi, Mimi, Mimi, Mimi, Mimi.

Oh, that's Ken.

Sorry.

That's Ken.

You know Ken.

Yeah, I know Ken.

Yeah, I just didn't see it because I've got the fucking Nexus 10.

Ken is a friend.

Hey.

Pity Yamaha Indian Restaurant in Australia.

Australian Indian.

Hey, Armando.

Dieters is going to call in, man.

know how to add him to the call i tried don't i don't know how the fuck i just called the call in

i hope he's pre-coming oh i'm sure you can get him to do that he's wound for sound man he's ready

to go he's gonna have some fun hello is this the indian restaurant yes it is oh hi may i make an

order um yeah but we don't open till 5 30 oh and when when does that happen when is it 5 30 when

is it going to be 5 30 hello yeah when will it be when will it be 5 30 shit we've always opened

Yeah, but when will it be 5.30?

What time is it now?

Oh, it's 3.20.

Oh, why didn't you understand?

That's what I was saying.

Is it because you're a woman?

Okay, whatever.

She didn't sound angry enough.

I'm running out of...

You know what?

I've got to buy some Skype right now, it actually looks like here.

Because I'm down to 19 cents.

Oh, shit.

Maybe I'll play a prank call here real quick, I guess.

Oh, we're getting a call back.

All right, it's about time.

I think this is police.

Here, we'll screen it.

Okay, I've sent the caller a voicemail.

you what what i'm listening asshole i want your wife to suck my cock i want you to kiss my ass

you stupid fucking bitch yeah i'm gonna punch you right in the mouth

yeah i'm gonna punch you right in the mouth how'd you get my phone number i was blocking it

you know that i am motherfucker not only me police got your number too now i blocked no

No, come on, no, please.

Well, you can tell them all this, please, motherfucker.

No, please.

You're a fucking guy.

No, I'm sorry.

Please, I was...

But, but, but, but, I still want to fuck your wife up.

No, man, it was an accident.

So you can watch us.

No, it was an accident, please.

You know, fuck your mother.

I know you're joking.

It was an accident.

Well, fuck you.

Yeah, you are an accident, motherfucker.

You're an accident because you're...

A man raped your mom and you came out.

You're a piece of shit.

A man raped...

Well, we got you.

A donkey raped your mom.

I don't know his mom.

No, come on.

No, man, come on.

No.

Oh, no.

No, please.

I'm sorry.

Don't tell anybody.

Don't tell people.

No, don't tell people.

No, tell police.

Come on.

I give you money.

No.

I'll tell you who I am, okay?

No, I'll tell you.

you my name is mike tucker yeah my name is mike tucker i live in nashville tennessee

no no please no look what happened was i came in once and you you may give me bad food and i got

upset and we had this it's a big mistake it's a big mistake asshole motherfucker no and i'm

i'm for all their fucking mom i don't know what they do to you nothing i'm going all

They're not going to do any...

They won't do anything.

Come on.

No.

Oh, can we make a deal?

Okay, but that's bad, too, for you to say that.

I'd get you in trouble for that.

You said that you were going to fuck a child and everything.

fucking mother you know okay oh fuck you don't be mad look come on man let's just be friends

that's all i am not gonna be mad mother fucking piece of shit what about can i talk to faizan

first now fuck you i'm calling the police right now because i got your fucking number no man i

don't know what you're talking about i never talked to you before wow that's awesome he's

gonna fuck us guys we are fucked do do do and skype is freezing up oh shit man jen milkman

still hear me hello ah skype just froze on me shit well i gotta buy news credit anyway

so we'll take this opportunity to play a prank call while i uh i gotta restart skype and buy

new credits for it anyway so this works out perfectly uh we can play the turkish horse

prank actually and honor that gentleman who's finally figured us out i guess he's gonna fuck

Holocaust, whatever, that guy.

All right, be right back.

Just a moment, guys.

Hello?

Yes.

Yeah, who's this?

Who's this?

This is Mr. Stewart from the horse insemination program at Ponies R Us.

From where?

Yeah, Ponies R Us.

Yeah, we sell ponies.

Listen, I came into your place the other day, and somebody cursed at me.

They cursed at me in Turkish.

Do you speak Turkish?

Yes, I do.

Yeah, and they said to me, hayvan.

What does that mean?

That means, well, it's still a bad thing.

It means animal.

Why would they call me an animal?

Who did?

What are the employees?

I think it was just some person in the restaurant there.

I wouldn't know, man.

I don't know where...

He was quite small, and he had a tail.

I don't know what the...

He was just...

It was really strange.

Horse?

Oh, I'm sorry about that.

It's not...

Pony!

So why did that happen?

Why did that happen?

Why does something like this happen?

I don't know.

What did you say?

Haiwan.

Why would somebody call me a haiwan?

I have no idea.

Pony, pony.

You know, where I work, we inseminate ponies.

You inseminate what?

Ponies, ponies.

You know pony?

It's like a horse. It's just a small horse.

So what? What are you trying to tell me now?

I'm saying I'd like to bring one of the ponies to you and give it to you for free.

I don't want it. You can keep it.

I'm gonna give it to you anyway, so you might as well just take it, okay?

I want to... Could I inseminate you with a pony semen?

Can I do that to you myself?

No, because I'm offering to do it to you.

No, I've got quite a large dick. Do you want that?

Man, what am I going to do with your dick?

Well, you can put it up your ass.

See what I mean? You know, that's just really, that's a bad insult.

I mean, I could have you help me inseminate the ponies here, but taking the dick is...

What do you do with all the other dicks you get?

Well, ask your mother how many dicks she gets, and that's about how many I get.

Well, why don't you ask yourself, you motherfucker?

You son of a bitch!

If you're a man enough, why don't you come here and talk to me like that?

Listen, you high one, you...

Well, I got a high one dick, I can tell you that.

You are a son of a bitch.

Why would you swear at me like that?

Well, fuck you, motherfucker.

Why wouldn't I swear to you like that?

Obviously, you are a chick of shit.

You are just looking for a dick to suck.

Just come on over and I'll give it to you.

You are such a coward.

I'll beg your mother, your sister, your wife, if you have one,

and I'll fuck them all for you.

I only have ponies here.

Obviously, you cannot fuck nobody,

so why don't you bring them over and I'll fuck them for you.

Okay, I'll bring a pony to you. Is that okay?

Well, bring your wife, that's better.

My wife is a pony.

I'll do her a favor.

My wife is a pony, is that okay for you?

Well, bring your wife anyway, whatever it is, I fuck her.

Doesn't matter what.

Well, you must be a high...

Maybe she can at least suck my cock.

How about that?

I don't think she will.

Maybe you can help her, because I got a big one, you know?

Tell me about your wife.

It will be enough for two of you.

Or, better yet, if you have a sister, bring her along, too.

Do you have a sister?

Well, do you have a sister?

I fuck her, too.

you my sister's a fuck you too obviously you're a fucking gay so i can fuck me in the ass and i'll

do it for free i don't charge you for it i gotta grab a payment uh card here real quick i gotta

run to the other room keep listening to this prank i'll be right back and i'll regroup with

milkman and jen i'm gonna take appeals i'll be right back and you are an absolute mother fucker

i'm already recording your conversation and hopefully i'll find out who the fuck you are

Yeah, I'll fuck you up real good up in the air and your face, too

I would I would put you on a horse and I would say don't you come on over here. I'm coming right now

Yeah, you got no goal

Behind the fucking phone. I'll tell you me from a distance. You have no balls to come on over here

Why don't you come on over here? If you are a man you sound like a man, but I don't think you are

You don't think I'm a man?

Let me come there.

Let me show you my cock.

You are a faggot.

You've got nothing to show.

No, yeah, let me show you my cock.

You've got nothing to show, motherfucker.

I don't think you have any.

I'll bitch you.

I'm sure you have a big ass.

I'm going to punch you in the mouth.

Well, why don't you come on over?

I'll fuck you with that big ass, motherfucker.

You fuck me, my big ass motherfucker.

What the hell are you doing?

I'll fuck your big ass.

I've got a big dick.

You fuck my big ass?

I've got a tiny ass.

You'll never get me.

Well, come on over.

Bring whatever you've got with you.

I'll fuck you all.

You'll fuck my ponies?

I'll fuck you all.

I'll fuck your whole family.

My whole family of ponies.

And I'll fuck you.

I'm sure you like to be fucked because you sound like a faggot.

Are you a faggot?

No.

I'm a horseman.

I'm sure you're a faggot.

Don't say no to me, motherfucker.

No.

It's obvious you're a faggot.

You like big cocks, don't you?

No.

I got a big cock.

Come on over.

Good, good.

I'll give it to you and your wife, your sister, your whole fucking family.

You son of a bitch.

Why would you insult me like that?

You can all fuck my cock.

Why would you do that, man?

Why wouldn't I do that, motherfucker?

What am I going to do with it?

You know, I'll fuck people with that.

Come on over, I'll fuck you too.

I think you should fuck yourself, you son of a bitch.

Well, I'll fuck you.

I'm trying to be nice to you, you know.

I called up and I was trying to be nice to you.

I'm sure you like to be fucked.

Don't lie to me.

You are a faggot.

You are calling people.

You are trying to find someone to fuck you.

So I make it easy for you.

Come on over here, I'll fuck you.

I'm going to be closing in half an hour.

I'll fuck you right here.

Okay, let me come over right now.

And if everybody leaves here at 10 o'clock, I'll fuck you all night long.

Now, what time is it now?

Well, it's almost 9.30.

Come on over.

All right, I'll come back.

You're closing right now.

If I leave right now, I could be there at 10 o'clock.

You'll make it.

Come on, man.

And leave it open.

I'll wait for you.

Don't worry.

Is there any space?

I'm waiting for you.

Bring whatever you got there, okay?

Pony, pony, pony.

But don't forget your wife and your whole family, too.

I don't want to fuck them all.

Okay, brilliant.

I'll bring everybody.

Yes, beating everybody.

Okay.

Okay, beating everybody.

I'll do you a favor and fuck you all.

Okay, good.

Fuck your mother, you son of a bitch.

But especially you.

Okay, you're going to suck my cock first before I fuck you.

Okay, I'm really looking forward to it.

You're going to suck my dick for like one hour.

You son of a bitch, you.

Then I will fuck you.

You son of a horse.

You understand?

I'll beat your horse, too.

I fuck your horse, too.

That's exactly right.

I fuck horses, too.

Dude, you are a dirt son of a bitch.

I'll fuck it.

You are a dirt son of a bitch.

But I'll fuck you personally.

Dirt son of a bitch.

watch you can watch while i fuck you okay i'm really looking sounds good okay fuck you all

right and tell that bitch well all right fuck you motherfuckers fucking butt wow what a freak

only you can do that generally my gosh wow what about limo you just ever do you guys

hello yeah hi i spoke to you a second ago yeah fuck you motherfucker what do you want now

Are you coming or not?

No, I can't make it tonight. Can I come tomorrow?

Well, you come any time you want, motherfucker. I'm ready here.

What's your name?

I'll fuck you any time.

What's your name?

My name is Stallion.

Stallion?

Yeah, you know the male whore Stallion with big dick?

Oh, yeah, I know.

Yeah, that's what I am, motherfucker. You should know that. You are raising animals, right?

Let me ask you a question. What kind of a stupid bitch calls her son a stallion?

I told you I am a stud. Are you coming or not?

You said you were a stallion. You know the difference between a stud and a stallion.

I am a fat man. I fuck horses and their owners. Obviously, you have some horses, right?

I fuck them and I fuck you. Maybe you can have little babies, like help animals, help whatever the fuck you are.

Obviously, you are not a human, right?

No, I'm a high one.

I'm sure you are a high one, motherfucker. So ride on. Whoever called you a high one, they were right on.

It was somebody in your restaurant.

I fuck animals.

I used to fuck donkeys in Turkey.

Bring all your horses and your ass.

I'll fuck you all.

You are really fucked up.

All right.

So you're coming tomorrow, right?

You can't make it tonight.

Who do I ask for when I get there?

Your ass hurts from fucking too much.

You can't make it tonight.

No, I've got...

If I fuck you in there, I'm sure you'll die.

That doesn't matter, right?

You'll go out happy with a big thing in your ass.

I want to come there, but what's your name?

Well, come on over.

I am the only guy here.

You're the only guy there.

do you have any customers at the moment well don't worry about just come on here you will

recognize i have a bulging tent that with my big dick you will have a bulging tent yep okay

you will recognize my cock right away okay all right i'm waiting for you looking for

all right fuck you motherfucker you bust

i am back i've gotten credit i have credited it up uh i'm reconnecting with milkman

and attempting to reconnect with gin gin shows up as offline right now oh so milkman hey you're

back hello milkman no you're not well i'm trying to reconnect with these gentlemen uh gin and

milkman time for you guys to call me back so we can continue the show all right thank you okay

milkman turn uh the gin sign out what happened what happened to jim he's gone no it just says

call failed i don't know let me look here i know you lost both of us and you was doing the call

listening on the stream and then you realized that the call was over that we were gone man but

i guess you just frozen but i'll it just hung up on our end yeah skype froze on my end yeah i know

that's what you said i heard that yeah it just uh hung up on our end and it said well it said

kept saying trouble with call trouble call trying to recall and i guess after so many times out and

just you know yeah hangs up i don't know if uh hopefully jen gets back on then he was having a

good time yeah i don't i don't think he's gone maybe maybe reboot his i bet she's rebooting

because of skype yeah all right well we'll wait on him well we'll continue the show but hopefully

he shows back up hey called the dead man the dead was there just a minute ago and i told him to

to call you and then you had all that trouble uh he's not on this account he is on this account

hang on let me call him yes but he called me on skype but i didn't know how to add him to our call

it it separated our calls and put you on hold the

dad answer your dad uh well hey man milkman said to call you jeter dead oh wait hey

what's up jeters carlita called you we're on air you're on air man say hello to hermano

oh god i'm on air okay oh god say hi to carlito you're on air man yeah yeah carlito makes me

horny oh anyway what's up how you doing man uh i've been better how you doing bro i'm doing all

right i guess hanging out there you know doing my thing i think i think jen got might have gotten

mad at rbcp and i was saying in the chat room jen got upset that rbcp said something to him i don't

I don't know.

Arby's TP.

Probably drunk and high.

Brad, what'd you say to Jen, man?

You got Jen upset?

Oh, no.

Bad Brad.

Big bad Brad.

Bad Brad.

Oh, my.

Brad's drunk and high.

So funny.

All right, Jen, come on back, man.

He's back.

No big deal.

He's online now.

Yay.

Jen's back.

When I become your milkman, you're going to make me mad, too, aren't you?

There you are.

What are you drinking there, D-Dead?

I'm Captain Working.

Captain Morgan.

Yeah.

Straight up, or what are you drinking it with?

Coke?

I'm drinking it with Mountain Dew.

Ew, Captain Morgan Mountain Dew.

That sounds like shit.

It's okay.

It's good.

Hey, kid.

Hey, Jen.

Hey, dickhead.

What happened, man?

Why you call me dickhead?

Where's my Skype from?

No, I thought you fucking killed me.

No, my Skype from.

No, he died on both of us, man.

I listened to the stream.

He thought we was on there.

Yeah, I know.

No, yeah, my Skype froze.

Did you hear the horse?

He's mad.

No, I got halfway through it, and then I just got disconnected.

The whole thing died.

Oh, no, no.

Yeah.

That was a mistake.

It died on our end, so I flipped the stream on, and he was still doing the call.

Yeah, don't be mad.

Yeah, the horse got mad.

He said he's going to track me down, that he got me.

He didn't hear all that.

Oh, I didn't hear it.

Oh, man, he said he's going to press all the way.

He said he's going to go all the way.

Yeah, all the way.

All the way, man.

So, yeah, man, we're fucked, dude.

Jen, I don't know what to do now.

All right.

Bring him back.

Yeah, I'm going to call back over there.

All right, cool.

Yeah, bring him back.

The bad part is his asshole's already sore, and he hasn't even met the guy yet.

Try to tell him not to, you know, get us in trouble.

I tried to tell him, hey, man, come on, let's make a deal.

Take it easy on the ass.

At least get, you know, Vaseline.

Thank you for calling Turkish Purchase.

For a takeout order, please leave your name and number, and we'll get back to you as soon as possible.

yes hello hi yeah how are you i'm good how are you doing yeah i'm okay let me talk to your boss man

whoa what is right here right now he just left what do you want to talk about let me talk to

yeah let me talk to faizan so friday is also not here i'm i'm here what do you want to say what's

your name why yeah what's your name you don't need my name actually do you want to actually

i do well i well i no i want to talk to you first because you're a bastard you can hear

him in the background and they haven't disconnected i did hear him in the background that's funny

trying to decide what to do yeah anyway so today you've been good then you're doing better i see

you applied for a school or something a nice big school oh wow really master's degree oh yeah um

actually milkman gave me the idea to apply to stanford so yeah are you kidding me or what what

But I'm probably going to be getting into Berkeley, not Stanford.

If I do get my, you know, I'm going to be doing my MBA.

So, yeah.

But if I do go down there, I'm going to be moving in with Milkman.

So, he's going to be my roommate.

Oh, boy.

That's, yeah.

That's something.

hey carlito that's he's gonna be my roommate that would be um crazy yeah you guys can smoke

pot together and all that you guys be fucking chilling you know dude you know what um knowing

kim we probably would be higher every fucking hour of every fucking day so yeah cool cool man

man you can share a bed also one bedroom all right no way hell no all right i'll be on the

fucking couch or we'll be renting a house fuck this shit yeah you get a house like the facebook

kids did back in the day hey jen i got numbers in australia and i got numbers in thailand what

would you prefer you want to do some pranks uh or did that you want to do a prank call or

my god no i'm dead it's gonna be um for a minute i'm not gonna do that if you if you could do a

german accent can you do a german accent no you know what i'm rusty as a fuck so i don't really

want to um get into it right now but if you did i'm saying if you if you did a german accent you

I can't do that.

I can't do it in German accent, sorry.

Do it for Vicky.

Can you do it for Vicky, man?

I can do it.

Do it for Vicky, man.

I can do it.

My name is Werner Herzog.

Oh, my fucking God, I can't do it.

All right.

Here's an Australian leading gourmet takeaway pizza outlet.

At Crust, we bring restaurant-quality gourmet pizzas piping hot to your door.

Oh, man.

All pizza's piping hot.

Everyone says that.

Fuck.

Well, I never see a pipe.

It's hot, but I never see a pipe, man.

That's what pisses me off.

See if you can light your onions on it.

Good day, speaking.

How many onions did you guys put on the pizza?

Sorry?

How many onions did you guys put on the pizzas?

What do you mean?

I like onions.

I'm looking for onions.

What sort of onions?

The kind that, you know, you break open and have layers.

Oh, just put, like, maybe 15 grams on?

All right.

How many is that in pounds?

i'm from the united states uh it's a little amount it's not a lot can you make a lot an

exception and make more onion than pizza can you have like lay down a big onion and put pizza sauce

on it and put in the oven if you want and then you turn around you take a shit in the oven and

you close it what if you want hey will you take a shit in the oven for me no i will not take a

shit in the oven oh no you never tried doing that it's not hygienic to do that mate oh i used to

work at kentucky fried chicken at kfc and i got mad and i took a shit in the fryer and i fried

the shit you sell it to the customer yeah i sold it to a black person i'm sure he would have been

pretty shitty i he ate it and i laughed i said he me me me me me like that i wouldn't like that

you know that's great man yeah and i watched the media and then when he was ending i said oh i have

something to tell you i have to be honest and he said what i said i'm married great i told him i'm

married you have me on speakerphone sorry you have me on speakerphone yeah cunt cunt cunt lips

big little teaching put my speakerphone asshole here's burgerlicious 100 halal meat pure beef

100 chemical and hormone free beef yeah man you know what that means they're muslin theirs

that's what's up halal yeah buddy here we go i gotta check request a prank i haven't even looked

that they were forced to prank.

Know what I mean?

What are you fucking about?

Yeah, you have Muslim beef there.

Sorry?

You have Muslim beef.

What beef?

Beef, Muslim beef.

Hello?

Yeah, you have Muslim beef.

Wagyu beef, yes, we have.

Beef that Muslim people make.

You want a phone order?

Yeah, I want two orders of Muslim beef.

Okay, two Wagyu beef?

No, Muslim beef.

No, we have Angus and Wagyu.

Okay. Are you Muslim people?

Oh, Muslim? No, no, no.

No? What are you?

We are, uh...

This is...

Maybe you're asking for halal meat, yeah?

Yeah, Muslim meat.

Yeah, we have a chicken that's halal.

Okay. Now, do the Muslim boys, do they have nice big peckers?

Is that the meat that I can have?

Muslim, uh...

Penises, you know, like uncircumcised Muslim?

Sorry, we only, we have a burger and a wrap.

Do you have uncircumcised boys there?

Hello?

Uncircumcised boys.

You're stupid.

Yeah, so you come here to pick or what?

Yeah, you're stupid.

Okay, bye.

Yeah, hello?

Yeah.

Hello?

Here's a better idea.

Hi, this is Nathan.

Leave me a message.

Thanks.

Damn it.

No answer there.

Here's Mike Randolph instead.

Big Mike.

What are you doing, man?

It sounds like you're like...

I was just thinking...

You got a mouth surgery.

You just got your mic, yeah.

You just got your mic really close to your mouth.

You're like...

I ain't doing shit.

You sound like an old man eating chili.

I'm just yawning, for fuck's sake.

Well, go to sleep, then.

Milkman said you wanted to be on.

I didn't want you on.

Have you been with that girl lately?

The girl that was on her period?

No.

Hello, this is Mike.

Hi.

Yeah, Mike, listen.

I'm calling from the tire and lube.

That's right, calling from the lube.

I'm calling from the tire and lube.

this is cross we did oil change for you okay yeah i left an onion in the car uh can you look and see

if you can get it for me i really need to smoke that hello anyway that was stupid i i ran into

the smoke thing here's april instead april april april o'neill yep you know her no it's a nice name

though yeah these are numbers for people that had oil changes on their cars you wouldn't know

because you have a motorcycle and you don't have to change the oil on it call yeah i do it myself

oh you do oh wow call april mckenzie she's from florida oh shit man thanks to brad for sending in

these numbers hello hi april i'm calling from tire and lube machine you brought your car machine in

here for an oil change uh tire and lube yeah you brought your car for an oil change damn it um i

don't think so i have you april howard brought in car for oil change i'm in arizona you're calling

I'm from Nevada.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, this is my cell phone.

Okay.

I brought my car in today.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

You brought it in the tire and lube.

I did an oil change for you.

Yes.

My name is Cross.

Is everything okay with the car?

Everything is fine.

All right.

Now, I left an onion in the back seat.

I think it's under the chair.

Can you check to see if it's there?

Hello?

Yeah.

I haven't found anything in my car.

Did you take it?

I took my car.

Yeah, but did you take what I left in there?

Because it's mine, and I want it back.

What did you leave?

I left a bag.

I left a sack in there.

No, there is nothing in my car.

I was smoking weed while I was doing the oil change, and then I left it inside the car.

Can I just get it back, please?

I don't think people really want to mess with that kind of joke here.

What else can we do instead?

I don't know.

Any ideas?

Oil change?

People brought in car for oil change?

I don't know.

Yeah, let me try one.

All right.

I'm screwing it up.

Here's Malin Petrovich, an old lady.

Who is that?

It's an old lady.

Those are always good targets for scams, Jen.

Yeah.

No, but did she have an oil change?

Yes, she had an oil change.

Yes, sir.

Mrs. Petrovich, yeah?

Mrs. Petrovich, yep.

Here we go.

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

I had to hang up on the dad because he's making too much mouth noise, Milkman.

Sorry.

Hi, Ken.

You know, I'm not on Skype.

You have to do it into the Gort.

Oh, Gort.

It doesn't look like she's there.

...to take your call.

Please leave a message after the tone.

Yeah.

hello is anyone there help help me they could hear that uh all right that sucks the old lady

didn't answer here's tanner instead big tanner that's his name or her name tanner

is that a male or female uh i would say that's a male that'd be my guess tanner t-a-n-n-e-r

on tanner oh fucking nobody's gonna pick up how are you reaching tanner boy i can't get

Get on the phone right now, just leave your name and number.

Oh, fucking hell.

Exactly, yeah.

Here's Brandy instead, Brandy Baker.

Brandy.

Brandy with an I so you know she's a slut.

There you go.

She's got a Y so she's classy.

Oh, yeah.

She goes to Stanford.

If it was an I, she'd be a stripper.

Call Brandy D.

Hello?

Hello, Brandy?

Can I talk to Brandy?

Uh, who's calling?

Mr. Stewart, you had a car brought in for an oil change earlier.

Uh, this is her husband and we're in the car.

What?

This is her husband. How can I help you?

I want you to suck my nose.

What?

I said I want you to suck my nose.

Put your mouth and your lips around my nose and then suck it.

Who the fuck is this?

This is Mr. Stewart.

Call him again, you fucking piece of shit, and see what happens, faggot.

Okay. I want you to, but will you do it?

How about you suck my cock? How do you suck my dick, you fucking ass, you piece of shit?

Would you lick my nostrils?

If you know Brandy, you know where the fuck I live. Why don't you come to my house, bitch?

But one time Brandy when she came in for the oil change, she would suck my nose. Why why won't you do that?

You know what? We're on our way to fuck right now motherfucker. And then hello, they're gonna suck your nose

He said call again, right? He said call again. Yeah, if I call again, then he would see like something would happen

All right

Fuck yeah, it's Brandy there. Let me talk to Brandy cock boy

no no you killed it man yeah you killed it man you killed it you killed it ken

i'm doing this one hello no they're hanging right up there you know he would he would have

gone to walmart he would have gone to walmart i'm pretty sure he still might be going yeah

they might be trying to run right now he said they're in the car carlito last week on dirt

showed you catch that uh call to the ihop i did uh i heard about it did not catch it though

had him check the fucking bathroom for reggie oh yeah yeah they made him go get a male employee

they got one of the cooks to go check it and they're like no nobody's in there and they're

i was like well you better watch out for him they're like why i was like told me he was gonna

come in the bathroom shit in your sink and smear shit all over your walls and they're like why

would he do that i was like i don't know he's just out of fucking control he kept fucking calling

him back and someone was like i think he's in the women's bathroom but by that time the fucking

and uh manager lady was getting pissed there's nobody in there that sounds good did brent already

uh upload that to his site i don't think so i don't think so i heard i i tried to listen to

that episode earlier in the week but it was like an old show or something he had on there it didn't

you know what i mean like it was there was an episode on there but it was like an old thing

going on i didn't i don't think it was the latest episode then i fell asleep listening to it but

anyway that's my story about brent's uh last show but i heard part of it i know jen you're

were on it right also yeah just uh for a little while yeah a while yeah yeah hello anthony yeah

hi sir i'm sorry to bother you i'm calling from the tire and lube center you brought in the vehicle

your car today for an oil change yeah um i wanted to be honest with you was something that happened

in the car um did you find any jewelry in there no but what about left because the stuff is in

there i can bring it back up there well what happened was um while the oil change was getting

getting done uh i was uh having sex as one one of the girls from the walmart one of the cashiers

we're fucking in the back seat and her her uh her wedding ring is back there i guess she can't

find it okay uh yeah so my number earlier uh well maybe the supervisor call then yeah because

she's married to the supervisor of the store okay so what do you want me to do bro well i want we

need that ring back because if not she's they're gonna find out that you know she's cheating on

on my boss with me and stuff all right and like we had we had like a lot of sex in your car

like a lot of it okay bro can you not tell anybody about this please yeah but what i want to know is

what do you want me to do like well did somebody call me from the did somebody call me from a 505

number earlier yeah the manager called yeah and he's like he's real upset because you think he

thinks that that he's cheating on that she's cheating on him with me what did he call me for

what did he call you did he call me from a 505 number yeah he called you from his phone number

i'm calling you from my phone number now okay yeah see he's he's trying to get information to

see you know where where his girl has been and all this stuff so he was going to call you to

see if you know you had seen like the condom or in there or anything like that what is this

yeah i think so because we have used like two condoms and one of them broke

and in my car yeah so i only i think i'm about to go check i'm about to go check i'm about to

see if the ring's back there but i i didn't go back there so i don't know where would it be at

um the ring well let me see it could it could either be in the back seat or in the or the

passenger seat no like is this a joke no no because we had we fucked in the back seat the

passenger seat and then we opened the trunk and i bent her over also you know matter of fact it

might be the trunk because i bent her over and i had her like her face inside the trunk and i was

like porking her from behind and that might be where it came out okay how do you get my phone

number oh because it's in the computer because when you checked it in you know it's in the

record okay so exactly what do you want me to do right now well the for if you find the condom if

you don't bring the condom back here because it has like evidence in it you know i mean dude be

for real like i don't know what the fuck is going on right now but y'all about to piss me off no

come on dude can you just bring the ring back i'm fucking serious bro like you over here telling

me don't bring the condom back what the fuck would i bring the condom back up for bro like

be for real i just uh are you serious right now yeah don't don't bring the condom bag to the store

why would i bring the condom back up to the work because like it's not yours what because it's not

yours it sounds silly i know the ring though is the most important thing leave the condom in the

car or throw the condom away in your house and just bring back the ring bro yeah what is your

name this is cross this is who cross which one of you is carl because i saw all y'all up there

carl you don't have to describe yourself man what do you mean carl if you don't start being

serious if i find the ring i'm gonna fucking keep it no come on man seriously all right

you need to start being fucking serious because right now because the motherfucker called me

earlier to talk about i'm a christian and i was cussing him out he called me from some new mexico

number and 702 ain't even no arizona number so i don't even know i don't know what the fuck's

going on that's from nevada i'm from las vegas originally and i moved here to you know to make

world changes and fuck girls like i don't i don't think you understand how like clowning

shit's down there right now you're like you're trying to get me to believe some shit that you

telling me but you sitting here talking about i moved here to change oil and fuck girls like

you ain't making no sense and you i'm not taking you serious right now man now i'm a college student

bro all right dude you ain't getting shit back from me bro so be an asshole all you want and

Well, I have your information, and you're stealing it.

All right, go fuck some more girls in people's cars,

and don't fucking call me no more, bro.

Will you bring the condom back?

I think he's going to go use it.

He's going to reuse it.

He's going to go wash it off real quick.

For the fucking wallet, I'll bring the condom back.

He's finding the condom right now.

He's like, I shit-fired his keepers.

Oh, man.

I was trying not to.

I had to be quiet because I was.

trying not to laugh out loud while he was carlito i sent in a request to prank uh about this guy uh

he's basically texted one of my buddy's girlfriends like begging her for sex and

hand jobs and shit what uh yeah and uh he must know if you fucking prank call him yeah sure man

i sent it in a request to prank if you can't find it i got the info here all right um i got it here

i got it here it looks like yeah i got it you sent the guy the guy that you're doing the prank

for his name's danny he's actually listening in the chat for stuff hey danny uh some old man on

craigslist oh no hang on let me see he sent quite a few of them looks like female roommate looking

for a female uh tarik looking to share his one tarik is looking to share one bedroom geez

shitty little studio selling it was it the last one you sent it was just like i sent it yesterday

night oh yesterday night that's different let me go to yesterday then hang on i'll get there i'll

i'll get there let me play music while i look for it that was pretty funny that guy didn't uh

appreciate it he almost didn't like have a problem if you fucking in his car until you

start talking about the condom shit in there well until i told him not to bring the condom

back to the store all right this guy's been texting this girl okay asking her for bj's

handjobs and sex name is taylor appreciate a call from lysol all right cool oh man tarik

Guy's name is Brandon. The girl he's texting is Taylor.

Taylor have a brother.

You're old, neck and a violin.

Yeah, well that's Jacksonville. Kinda far. Not too far.

You have reached the Sprint Voice mailbox of-

Whoops. Well, the whole thing didn't get out there. Um, boo.

Alright, her name is Taylor. That's the girl that gets- is getting fucked with. I'm gonna try him again. Maybe he'll answer.

Eh, let his whole number get out there and have it.

There you go, Nation. Take it away.

Is that your ba-

Yeah, you're banned, Jose.

You have reached the Sprint Voice mailbox of 904-

I think Cobra's in the chat too

You should scold him

Yeah, I saw Cobra in there, I see him

He's being monitored, don't worry

Speaking of Cobra, is Aaron around? Is he going to be on tonight?

Did he wash the dishes yet?

Aaron, you should be doing the dishes if you're listening to the show

Make sure you're doing them

Alright, Doc Brownson did a number for a relaxing massage

From courteous professional Swedish relaxation

Okay, your comfort is paramount

Guy's name is Jeff

I don't know, those never go well

What am I going to do? Are they going to jerk me off kind of thing?

I can ask that, and they're going to say no.

It's probably not going to go anywhere, but I'll try it.

Just predicting.

Nose sucking.

Please leave your message for massage and reliable quick turn.

Reliable quick turn what?

That's a hell of a fucking combo, isn't it, to have it one company?

Jeez.

Yeah, all right.

Ken, you sent in a number for an old man on Craigslist looking for a party,

and he's into poppers.

Oh, yeah, he said poppers welcome at the end of his fucking ad.

Nice, man.

I'm into a party.

he's like in his 50s or something he's like i'm six foot five i got a six pack it's like no you

fucking don't you liar how come how come straight people don't do poppers it's just a gay thing you

think it will work for everybody hello yeah hi well you got poppers uh well no we don't uh we

sure do need them oh yeah well i've got a whole crate full of poppers did you want to party

no really yeah yeah and then what i like to do is i like you ever have a popper enema

No.

Yeah, I fill the enema like a douchebag with popper juice.

Uh-huh.

And I squeeze them into my asshole.

I'm getting a heart. I'm just thinking about it.

Oh, it's way better than inhaling it.

You squeeze the poppers into your asshole.

I get so horny and crazy that I have men suck on my nose.

What?

Like, instead of doing poppers in my nose and having a man suck my asshole,

then I put poppers in my ass and then I have them suck on my nose.

um and what kind of an orgasm do you have in your nose well i might have an orgasm you know like

out of my ears and my mouth tell my name is jack how do you do oh i'm good my name is cross how do

you do um i do myself mostly oh well that's that's too that's sad i'm sorry um i don't want to bother

you where you no no you're turning me on there i just can't believe it do you just want to masturbate

And is your poppers, are they amyl nitrate or nitrite or also butyl?

Amyl nitrate.

Nitrate with the real stuff?

Yeah, the real stuff.

I get it.

Yeah, from Mexico.

My heart is pounding because I used amyl nitrate through my entire graduation from straight sex to homosexual sex.

Oh.

And I trained my butt.

But I trained myself to deal with the pain.

It's really just discomfort.

It's not pain.

Yeah.

And I used nitrate.

It had been inhaler.

Take the original poppers that were in the gauze, break the glasses, go pop,

and then we dropped them in the victim inhaler and then saved the fumes that way.

Oh, that's a good idea.

That's why they're called poppers, because of the sound of glass.

glass yeah i on my ass i'm going to calm down and accept the object there you go like penises

like penises yeah and dildos where are you now oh i'm in la rose

oh that's good yeah so what i i

would like you to come over well i've got a contraption i made what i do is i connected

i i connected an accordion uh to this uh bag that i have uh you know those uh wine in a box

the bag that comes in yeah and i fill that with the anal nitrate the popper juice and then the

accordions on there then i put the hose in in the ass in the in the man's asshole right and then i

play the accordion i play a song and the popper juice goes inside the ass well uh well i play the

song and you do that for me do that for me yeah what what song do you want me to play for you

would you like share doodle dandy i don't like i don't i like to play like you know techno songs

on the accordion i bet i really do like it i really do like that but um and lately i've been

trying to do like dubstep on the accordion like skrillex and stuff like that are you into skrillex

i'd like i need to know more skrillex yeah he's it goes back and forth you know and the popper

the popper juice goes back and forth out of your asshole while i'm playing the song

Really?

Yeah.

And then one time I was doing this, I put poppers in someone's asshole,

and then I started punching him in the head and the face.

And he got really into it.

I was punching him, I punched him in the eye,

and his eye was swollen shut and everything,

and I knocked some of his teeth out.

Why did you do that?

For, you know, sexual reasons, sexual gratification.

I don't think I would like that.

I was choking him, and I, like, broke a beer bottle over his head.

I hope you're not planning to do that with me.

well if you're into it i broke a beer bottle over his head and then i made into like a you know what

they call you know what a nigger knife is no it's like you know when you break a bottle and it do

you just have the end of the bottle yeah uh like a knife you know it's just all the broken pieces

the the broken ends yeah then i started stabbing him with it well does that happen every time

not every time but sometimes you know we you know we like to do that for satan you know like we

We, you know, we like to, you know, we sacrifice, you know, the blood and everything,

and the blood pools on the ground, and then we start doing, like, snow angels,

but in the blood on the tile floor.

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Well, part of your trip is very exciting, and part of it is very scary.

It's a good rush, though.

What?

It's a rush.

Oh, God, I'm rushing.

You're breaking up.

I'm rushing right now.

I have an incoming call, and I'm expecting a call from my partner.

I have to take the call.

Can you call back?

Is your partner into poppers also?

Yeah.

We both are, and I asked him to stop and get them on the way home.

Boy, is he going to be surprised.

Yeah, my partner's name is Ken, and he gets into poppers too.

Well, if you promise not to get violent, then you can come over.

Sometimes I just snap, and I start choking and punching and biting and kicking.

you've scared me no but it's i can't tell you where to find me oh come on man i got the good

stuff yeah but you scared me you want to come over here another day i have i have this beautiful

tattooed brother and sister coming over and they're going to show me how they fuck each other

oh yeah yeah how old are you it wouldn't it be mean wouldn't it be off hold on i got a news flash

i gotta check this incoming call don't go away news flash remember he's got a news flash

Let's keep him on the line. Let's see what happens, right?

His brother and sister thing is fucking getting on to the pop.

Back, hit that deuce flash sound.

There we go.

Oh, God.

Then maybe hit the dramatic sound.

Oh, man.

That was fucking...

You gotta asshole train.

Seriously, we should all do poppers on the air, you know?

What the hell is a popper?

It's like this...

Asshole training class.

It's asshole juice.

train your ass with it it works very well it works very well to harmonize yeah i was gonna say

i love when you brought the accordion in and you were like yeah i played techno

accordion the guy was like that sounds interesting yeah i started losing him on skrillex

oh shit uh i don't want to hang up but you know we're just sitting here what do we do

yeah he's probably that's his intention i don't know you can bring him back later

to ask him about that fucking

weird brother and sister couple.

I want to hear about that.

I about spit my fucking beer out when he said

he trained his ass.

I was like, are you fucking kidding me?

Nunu says

it's interesting to have Jin's father

on the show. That was pretty funny.

Someone was accusing you

of being big.

Yeah, we need to get that guy.

Let me call him back.

I'm going to give him a new slash.

I think you need to fuck around with him.

My assholes ain't large objects now.

He graduated to large pieces of furniture.

Okay, now you're scaring me.

Oh, man, come on, answer, man.

Nah, you've learned it now, man.

Oh, he's with me.

What's up?

Hey, Def Hall.

Hey.

You still drunk?

About to be again.

Oh, man.

Worried about you and your drinking, sir, you know?

Are you done quitting now, Fox?

I guess.

I don't know.

I'm hurting right now.

You're doing poppers?

The Fox sounds like it.

yeah maybe you can train you can train your asshole that way no my sides are killing me

right now i'm drinking rbcp has a good point in the chat he won't pick up because his partner

is consoling him he's in tears he's so excited like oh my god you got the real shit like all

right yeah jen answer your question these now these poppers right now the gay community they

use these little little bottles of it's basically like some kind of chemical that you smell and it

It just gets you high, and it loosens up your sphincter.

No, it doesn't.

More than that, it opens up your heart muscles.

Like, if somebody's having a heart attack or whatever, you're supposed to, like, take an ampule, and you sniff it,

and it causes your heart muscle to, like, relax and open up.

Is it illegal?

Like, it used to be legal.

That was the main use for it, but people started using it.

Like, I sniffed it when I was a kid.

The original stuff, it called a rash, and it had this really weird smell.

And you, like, sniff it, and then, like, all of a sudden, your head is like,

and like the lights don't like like kind of like get dim you know you're like whoa you know it's

really weird man it's like i can't explain it but it's like yeah it's like i never want to do it

again i've tried it a couple times it gave me a headache and i said i'll never fucking do that

shit again you can buy different versions of it but not the original deal i guess anymore but

that rush this is in the 70s dude this is like when i was a little kid man it was like they

was handing that shit in a bottle you go over to like you know a little head shop sense and sound

and it hit there's like in the incense section right man you sniff that shit man it would like

make you like almost pass out and then like it gave me a headache afterwards i don't know other

people don't didn't say they had a headache it immediately gave me a headache because it's like

a volatile chemical volatile chemicals like give me a headache really easily yeah yeah you know

real men real men real men take coke there you go nowadays it's just like a gay club thing i think

yeah carlito you know who that guy kind of sounded like the dude that you wanted to move

have been with you at spiral staircase yeah yeah the guy that he was at the mexican restaurant in

la yeah imagine that i'm carrying two bags fucking call me tomorrow you got mad he was

all yeah i think it's jeffrey briegel there jeffrey briegel jeffrey briegel jeffrey briegel

all right let's see just just little comments he's in there oh i'm getting hard just thinking

about it you're making me horny my heart is beating oh boy i bet you could have convinced

him to take a line of coke off your dick shit there's another one too besides animal nitrate

i forget what it was there's another name for another one it's similar but they stink like this

probably what's left over after that guy's put it up his ass right it's worse than ass trust me man

Man, I would, I, I, this stuff, man, it'd probably, I'd probably rather walk in, you know, with the bathroom smelling like a, you know, someone just took a dump and smelled a bathroom full of that shit.

It'd give you a headache immediately.

Jim, you know that, you know when Pastor Martin Semple was saying that the gays have to do drugs so they could have the anal fisting?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what he was talking about.

They have to do, yeah.

Alright, so, uh, we got, can you...

They take drugs!

To open their anus.

uh someone lost enjoy it someone lost her cat six months ago they're offering two thousand dollars

for a small orange male oh i don't want to do that i'm gonna have a i got an orange male i don't want

to do that i can't that's bad my orange i was thinking more than two thousand dollar reward

i got your cat i'm gonna eat it no that's not nice we get a bunch of apartments like

Like, Tyreek and all them.

My cat's sitting here next to me, actually.

I can't do that prank, man.

He's going to get mad.

I can only do it with a cat.

I can't do it on a dog.

Yeah.

All of a sudden,

my air model will be sitting there

and the claw will be digging his leg a little bit.

Like, yeah!

All right, we got...

Ken, you sent in a number.

Someone's looking for a female roommate

to share a one-bedroom apartment.

All right.

Yeah, I'm not sure if it's male or female posting it.

Let's try it.

It's bullshit.

I saw a solid black cat the other day.

I almost picked it up and took it home.

that'd be funny if it bit you if you picked it up and it bit you wouldn't that be funny

that's like you know i think no it was just a really big it was huge

look cool what was the name i would have named it death cat okay hi yeah please i have wait

i'm either nothing i have problems with reception please reply to me your number

leave me a detailed message oh shut up hmm culver city looking for a female or the right guy to

share a studio apartment with two others wow two three people total in a studio apartment that's

That's nuts.

And according to the ad, they're like, oh, we could look for a fourth, too, to bring the rent down even further.

Fucking Christ.

I could do it.

The Puerto Ricans.

Dead Fox, you want this?

Am I breaking up or anything right now?

Yeah, okay.

Okay, I'll do it.

Look at the chat for the details.

Oh, I don't see it.

Coming.

Answer your phone.

Please leave your message.

No answer there.

Boo.

Is there a little echo in here, or is it just me?

You always have an echo, man.

I don't have one.

What about you guys?

It's in your mind.

Yep, see?

What he said.

said uh here's another one bedroom apartment you think uh ken thinks you might have called this

one in the past three to four weeks back yeah i think this is the one oh i'm a monitor i saw

the lice all in the church one okay that was funny uh the lice all i think he was at i think

it was at lake balboa also yeah in the church shelter yeah it was my bad i had my monitor

button on oh thank you for calling please leave a message along with a phone number where you

He could best be retaken.

Nope.

Next.

25-year-old.

It's all good tonight, man.

No.

25-year-old male looking for a room to rent.

Doesn't mind sharing a bedroom.

So this is the reverse.

All right.

Man, I got a headache.

I'm going to have to take something for that real quick.

So those fucking poppers you've been taking, man.

Yeah, man.

Burning my brain still.

Dude, I'm telling you, that rat shit, man, it will burn you out, man.

It will burn you out.

Leave it alone, man.

Yeah, it's like sniffing glue and shit.

It's almost the same effect as like a whippet, you know, like the night sock side.

What's the voicemail?

this is not hello yes yeah you're looking for a room man yeah hi does it yeah like are you looking

for a big place or a small place sorry are you looking for a big place or a small place um i mean

bald place i guess yeah um well i got the storage place that i live out of a storage place yeah it's

like a storage it's like a storage bin and like two of us live in there we have enough room in

in the corner for another guy though okay um sorry man i'm out right now can i can i call you back in

a bit no not really we we only have one of these boost mobile phones no i said i said i'm i'm out

right now and i'm like i can't really hear you is it okay if i call you back no okay well i gotta

go right now so we'd love to be some other time okay all right thank you that's my homeless friend

coughing into the mic sorry that's my friend coughing into the mic my bad okay bye all right

thank you hello hello hello you can tell them yes now death yeah it does show an outgoing number

yeah we they we got a number coming back in so it works now that's how you do the that's how the

turkish horse found me he says he found me carlitos screen it was like you you cocksucker

so you can't say there's an echo it's echoing back through carlitos and is it shit i know how

how to fix it i found a fix for that if i go into the mic and i turn off my mic and turn it back on

hang on let me do that i found a little yeah i heard milkman start coughing and threw me off

carlito did too but uh that was pretty good i live in one of these storage containers

you gotta be out by like five in the morning or security comes around all right what about now

echo still there uh no you're good i'm good see see i know how to fix it now without having to

redo skype and all that shit yay all right here's tarik i've got big expectations tarik

is looking to share a one-bedroom apartment with someone.

Here we go.

Death Fox, you still want this?

No.

Is it one of the roommate things?

Yeah.

He wants, he wants, he's got the apartment.

Hello, please state your name after the tone,

and Google Voice will try to reach.

Okay.

Patton.

He's, he's got a bedroom, one-bedroom to share.

Okay.

Hello?

Hey, I was talking about the one-bedroom you're sharing.

Yes, what's your name?

Patton Fox.

Oh, okay.

How are you, how are you doing?

Yeah, I'm okay, what are you doing?

Yeah, I'm good.

um so like what kind of place is it it's torrents it's like a one-bedroom apartment i got and i live

at my brother right now so i was looking for someone like but i don't know that's why it's

your name do you know about the halal thing yeah that's all good um like what kind of food do you

oh it's not just a food it's like other ethical things you know like cultural thing we follow

yeah i can eat whatever you eat because i'll just be eating your trash basically because i

because i'm i'm not i don't got much money i'll be able to maybe pay the rent but i usually just

eat whatever you throw away dude yeah i'm sorry i actually spoke to someone already but you know

don't be like that i'll eat your trash yeah like i told you i i already told someone so

if they're not interested i'll let you know okay man i'll suck your dick please i'll hello your

oh dick did you hear me say how

halal is dick

oh man

oh god two bosom guys

they're gonna make you gotta follow like

the cultural things like

what god anyway

that was nowhere in his fucking ad either

I said I'd eat what he eats

I mean what else does he want

come on man I'll eat your trash

I'll eat whatever you throw away

alright uh

uh here's gabriel's looking for a roommate to share his shit a little shitty little studio

apartment all right cool let me try this one here okay i'm gonna take this one this one's just like

you walk in it's like a 11 by 11 open space a small ass kitchen and a bathroom that's all there

is i really like the idea about the storage unit sounds really funny my cat's snoring it's funny

stop it wake up your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system that's cool

charique has google voice you know he's open it i'll open it man uh you know let me try this

shitty studio apartment again because i'm thinking about an 11 by 11 room how much does it cost for

those google voice i mean um scott numbers oh what i did is different you can set your caller id

you have to confirm the number yeah but i i confirmed it with a google voice line

yeah nice it's google voice free or something yep well i might get one your call has been

forwarded to an automated voice messaging system and when they call back in they're calling back

into google voice which basically it dials into the browser like if i have an open browser with

gmail open that's where it calls into i had uh and you pop that through scop or something no i just

uh the it's it's on the same computer as skype it uses the same mic oh you pop the audio through

yeah for the same box yeah so i might do that i had saw an ad for some chicks that were trying

to share an apartment i think they were trying to share one of the bedrooms and they gave the

girl's name out in her phone number they're like give her a call and if she doesn't answer

just keep calling until you drive her fucking crazy like yeah somebody put on their uh looking

for a roommate no axe murderers i figured we'd call them and fucking tell i don't use a fucking

axe i use a gun bitch it's a hatchet what about that yeah dude hey i wanted to ask milkman milkman

what's up with the uh the the the ex-cop that's got a vendetta against the police man he's like

like johnny rambo running around you know i'm talking about i heard about that guy yeah man

that guy went off and the la dude yeah and this is really wild man because like i was listening

to the news and if the uh like the one of the commissioners or somebody there's a woman she

comes on there um well we think that he got away and he went to a big bear which is like a real

mountainous region like not too far out of la kind of like north of there yeah and it's like really

you know elevated lots of snow and shit but he lived in la right but we think he either went

there or he didn't or he might be in the city too or he might be in vegas he might be in vegas or

he might be in mexico already he said they actually said we we think he might be there

but he might not be well the thing is he burnt his truck in and like right to the entrance

he's not there man why in the fuck would he go up in the mountains where he's trapped where he

tried he's long planned this years ago man yeah let's do that out as eight to get people to go

marching around the snowy mountain looking for an idiot yeah it ain't there he's gone well here's

something here's something that pissed me off here's something that pissed me off i guess they

were they were uh they were guarding one of the uh police chiefs or something some administrator

that he threatened in this whole thing and uh i guess two women were in a toyota pickup truck

delivering the the la times newspaper in the neighborhood did you hear about this like no

no one's really talking about this like there was a there was a truck delivering newspapers

to women and they they approached the house that the these cops you know were guarding this house

you know from this dude and they threw the newspaper out into the lawn and they stopped

and the cops just shot at the fucking truck and they shot one of the ladies got like that would

she she got cut with broken glass and the other one got shot like in in the arm or something like

like that like they actually fucking open fire and like they shot two innocent people because

they're like oh we thought we thought it was him like yeah great police work and if you okay here's

what i want to say about this yeah they were the same vehicle that's what it was i heard that part

now they had the same vehicle that's the only reason they just opened fire they didn't even

bother to look and see look or check or just pull it over they just started shooting that's why yeah

yeah they just started shooting and you know how many tell you that that vehicle you know like

the ford bronco you know the white bronco yeah oh boy you know yeah so you know here's what i don't

think it's right i don't i don't wish murder on anybody i don't think what the dude is doing is

right but i will say that this this is this i don't think it's a good thing that's going on

but it is the lapd's chickens coming home to roost i think you know they're corrupt man they're

corrupt if you're down you feel for your life if you got any colored skin they did them guys are

tough yeah yeah man if you're yeah in la they just fucking open fire dude that's what that's

what everybody knows yeah open fire beat you up plant evidence on you i should be okay though

right yeah you'd be fine yeah yeah but you know me me or milkman hey uh carlito i have some

breaking news can you hit the sound please uh we have breaking news yes go ahead death fox is

is taking a shit all right he has a pain in his chest he may be down for the count

yeah is he okay pleasure

well there you go much better there you go let it out death fox let the demons out you'll be okay

you think turkish kitchen is uh still open um we can try calling they're on those you should call

him and keep trying to apologize to him or ask him if he's called the cops yet hang on let me

around good idea i could say me me to maybe that'll help if i go me me me me me thank you

yes oh yes motherfucker how are you baby you know i got your number you know that right yeah yeah

that's okay i wanted to talk to you earlier you know i wanted you to come over and suck my nose

i told i told the police to mark your father okay they're coming to your home

are you coming as well i want you to come no i sent your mom i talked to police okay

Yeah, let me talk to your husband, bitch.

Crazy.

You're the bitch.

Bitch of fun.

Yeah.

No, let me talk to your man.

Let me talk to him.

Haiwan.

The stallion.

Do you need his back, bitch, too?

Why are you...

Yeah, no, on his nose.

Why were you being rude to me?

You know, last time we spoke, you seemed very nice and you wanted to have sex with me.

Why don't you want to do that?

Why you didn't come, motherfucker?

You scared?

Yeah, I thought you were...

I think you're a violent sadist.

I got your number, man.

I'm gonna fuck you yourself, you know, I'll tell you

You talk you talk nonsense you learn English bitch

Well, we're supposed to see I told the police to fuck your father. Yeah

Fine by me. I hate the guy

Going we got a guy offering a ride to LA to Houston LAD Houston ride. Here we go. Other famous tonight

you gotta ring that guy with the poppers back man that guy was not yeah after this one we will okay

good deal the fucking nuts he was about as good as that guy selling those vhs fucking tapes a while

back he's like what kind of orgasm do you have with your putters i sneeze that's my orgasm on

my nose nasal orgasm your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system damn it man

Man. Alright. Popper's guy.

Let's get him. Too bad the number comes through.

I could have did the fucking porno voice to this Popper's guy.

Full factory gasm.

We want the number to come

through so people call back.

What we need, what we really want

from this guy is the number for those

that brother and sister couple that's coming.

We want to ring them. Yeah, go look at him now.

He's not going to want to give that up.

He might. Just fucking convince him

you're interested. I think he's making it up.

Can I come watch?

They're tattooed.

Hello?

It's the Violet Poppers guy.

Yes, hi.

Is this the guy we were talking about, the Poppers?

Yeah, you know, your voice is breaking up.

Oh, can you hear me now?

No, I can hear you clearly.

Oh, hey.

Tell me your name again.

My name is Cross.

Cross?

Yeah.

C-R-O-S-S.

Yeah.

My name is Jack.

Oh, hi, Jack.

You told me that already.

I pay attention.

I was paying attention.

Thank you.

The line was garbled when you said Cross, and so I wanted to double-check.

Okay, so did your tattoo friends, the brother and sister?

said they are um hold on a second their brother and sister they're both tattooed she's a school

teacher but her tattoos are concealed by her clothes all right and she fucks her brother

well uh no it's more like mutual masturbation oh okay all right and she and what is but

their stepbrother and sister and that's blood uh that's that's not as exciting as what i thought

Well, but so incest is a sin, but innocent sex is not a sin.

You got a point.

That's very beautiful.

Where'd you hear it?

Did you make that one up, or?

No, that's how I live.

Oh, that's cool.

That's cool.

Do you think they'd be, huh?

What?

Am I, huh?

Yeah.

No.

No?

I just have regular six inches circumcised, but I use a cock ring, and so it looks pretty.

Oh, that's nice.

You have a pretty penis.

Well, the whole package, I shaved smooth, and I got nice balls.

My balls are little hangers, but I just, you know, I didn't turn out that way, and I'm okay with it, and, you know, my friends like it.

Oh, that's good.

I just don't have that stallion I got to take care of every day.

Oh, you don't have an ugly penis, then.

Hello?

You sound like a magic person.

A magic person?

Yeah.

I'm getting another call coming in.

I hung up on him.

Tricky asshole again, isn't he?

That guy was missing teeth, you could tell by the way he talked.

Okay, I've sent the collared voicemail.

Let's listen.

Oops, your collar just hung up.

Goodbye.

It was a turdcastle that you're going to.

The guy with the poppers, man.

The homosexuality is a sin.

Fucking, you should have brought that on him.

You'd have brought Martin Semper on his ass.

I couldn't believe him.

Like, the opportunity to fucking lie about his dick.

He's like, no, six inches, circumcised, but I have a cock ring and it looks pretty.

Well, he's straightforward.

I thought at least that's one trait he's got, but Jesus Christ.

I was about to say, you're the fucking...

The opportunity to just lie and tell a random stranger, oh, yeah, this fucker's hanging 10 inches, pretty as a motherfucker.

No, he's an honest son of a bitch.

He's lived in California a long time, so he's got used to his existence.

Oh, shit, Death Fox is back.

How did that shit go?

It felt good, man.

It wasn't good.

I just dropped too much shit, and it just all fell out.

We had a fucking prayer for you.

You did?

Wow.

It involved mutual masturbation.

That whole mutual, I heard that.

That was fucked up, boy.

That was kind of fucked up, wasn't it?

Is there a No Burro show tomorrow?

Uh, yeah, maybe.

Remember No Burro?

He taught you how to say it.

No Burros.

Instead of No Donkeys.

Okay.

That's it in Spanish.

No Burros.

Missouri fan 96.

No, you know that.

Why am I telling you?

That reminds me of the crazy asshole that was on the street looking for your apartment.

Yeah, we covered that part.

There you go.

Dozer, if you're listening, can you get on Scopsock and talk to you about something?

Thanks.

Damn.

I already get a hold of him in the poke.

Jesus.

um excuse me i'm not feeling very well all of a sudden uh let me look back at the lonesome

loser numbers here see what we can do too many nitrates nitrates right send me send me that

guy's number maybe i can try and ring him later if i do a show well let's call him back because

he was saying you well how about you talk to him man because i don't want to talk yeah i don't know

yeah okay you you start and then bring me in i want to start talking about homosexuality

your cross is homosexual partner kid go ahead act like a gay act like a gay catholic priest

and say you're running out of my name is pastor dr martin semper

just bring me into it i went i'll do gin it's a madhouse hey yeah this is jack yeah hi listen

i'm sorry i've got tell me are you in show business huh are you in show business no no

i've got dr martin semper to talk to you hello this is pastor dr martin semper i want to tell

that homosexuality is a sin so you say yeah you you said before though that you know a brother

and sister having sex is incest that's a sin but yourself you are a bit of a hypocrite there aren't

you i just i didn't understand your last three words i said you are a hypocrite because you're

a poof hello what's the poof a poof a gay a queer a bender that's you right you like you like it up

the backside yeah you're gay so

I just want to try and understand your perspective here.

How can you be okay with one thing but not with another?

Why do you care?

I don't really care.

I'm just interested because it's just entertaining.

Don't waste your time.

I'm not wasting my time.

I'm saying seriously.

Don't you have better things to do?

Not really.

Not at this time of the morning, I don't.

This is a dalliance for you and a pain in the ass for me.

But I thought you liked pain in the ass.

That's why you take poppers.

We can fix that, yeah.

We can train your ass, you know, so the pain doesn't...

I think you're a sinner.

I think you're going to go to hell.

Do you know that?

Jesus doesn't like fags.

Do you not understand that?

You lost your accent there on the A of fags.

Yeah, don't worry about that.

I'm telling you.

This is what's going to happen.

You're going to go to hell, and you're going to burn there,

because Jesus does not like gays.

What does he like?

What are you?

He likes brothers and sisters more.

Yes, does he like people like you?

Yeah, he loves me.

me i'm fucking i'm a genius you are a motherfucking you are a dirty little motherfucker you you're

going to hell do you not agree no i think so i think you should i've never been fisted properly

no actually why can you help me there no i i could maybe kalita will help you kalita you you help

them yeah you use one finger at a time and we prefer vaseline for that because it transfers

heat better that's what milkman was telling us at the beginning you guys are terrific very creative

You're very creative at Madhouse Productions.

Yeah, it's very good.

How do you know about Madhouse?

Who said anything about Madhouse?

I'm psychic.

You have a caller ID.

Oh, does it say Madhouse on the ID?

Is that what's coming up on the caller ID, sir?

Yes.

Oh, nice.

That doesn't work.

So, anyhow, tell me about what you are all about.

No, you're going to go to hell.

You're a sinner.

We protect the Church of Jesus, and we come in the name of the Lord, you know?

You know me, Patre, Spiritus Sanctus, whatever.

Your Latin is shitty.

Well, your mother's shitty.

That's ignorant.

How many teeth are you missing?

Do you know who Mrs. Malaprop is?

Mrs. Malaprop.

Yes.

Your father?

Mrs. Malaprop.

You remind me of Mrs. Malaprop, and you should Google Mrs. Malaprop,

and you'll find out who you really are.

You should Google Helen.

I challenge you to Google Mrs. Malaprop,

and you'll find out what i think of you and who you really are and i challenge you to look up hell

and see where you're going you won't be repeating yourself do you not do you not fear the name of

the lord yeah no why not not not not in your parlance and want to know what else i gotta get

ready for company so later oh he's so cool so what happened he called he called back and got

the voicemail and said madhouse productions and that's oh i see something i don't know i think

the voice i think the voicemail i think the caller id says madhouse production on it maybe

i think i think he was the one calling back and we missed him and i think that's where he got it

he thought i was in the id in the id madhouse producer or something like that he wanted it

he wanted to know about madhouse he should have fucking sent him to meatspin but he would have

enjoyed it yeah yeah i'm at 485 spins this isn't a um this isn't a prank thing but is there still

still martial law up in the east right now probably there's martial law last night we

found it out when we was on the doing the show they're supposed to let it up i hadn't checked

the news tonight but they were supposed to have let it out because the snowfall out in new york

was all they were going to get yeah and i don't think it i think it's all done now right all that

shit i don't know it's just a pretty big thing this is the first time there's been martial law

no there's been martial law before no i'm talking about on such a wide area of martial law really

Yeah, it's the first time really.

Martial law won't let you go on the interstate because it's so bad.

I don't think that's martial law.

Martial law is the point where you get shot if you're at a certain point at night.

You know what I mean?

No, they declare martial law on the road.

They was writing like a couple thousand dollars worth of tickets if you get caught.

On the road?

Yeah.

I don't know.

I got to pee.

Should we keep doing the show?

I got to pee.

Yes, go pee and we'll wait.

And we got to play a prank call then, all right?

I got a cool announcement, though.

So me and Dozer, we are now merging to make, instead of Prank Wiki and Prank Session Radio,

we're now just Prank Session Radio.

That's it?

That's cool, though.

That's the announcement?

That is the announcement.

Jesus Christ.

This is not as cool as Madhouse Radio.

You actually have a name for the show?

It's not.

Huh?

You actually have a name for the show?

So you're competing?

Yep, it's Prank Session Radio now.

Okay.

That's all it is?

It's just Prank Session Radio?

Yep, it's Fridays, same time as Carlito.

I had to get my plug in here.

Come on.

did you hear about that bullshit that the uh post office is going to be starting in august

yeah the stop in the saturday delivery stop in the fucking saturday delivery bullshit yeah but

i mean it's just going to be letter delivery like you can still get like if you have a peel box so

so deliver it says i figured they should have did that shit a long time ago stop saturday delivery

instead of raising the price of a fucking stamp for you know year after year yeah they could have

did that years ago and we could still have cheap ass stamps yeah i know it's i don't think the

mail is that important most of the mail is junk mail anyway you know all you get is fucking

mailbox full of flyers and fucking ads and you know domino's pizza coupons is all you fucking

get so that's fantastic yeah anyway hey uh let's uh i have a prank call here this is phone hijack

by jen stewart is that any funny jen i don't know yeah probably yeah all right cool let me play this

it's eight minutes long but i'll be back before that hang on i gotta pee bye welcome to family

therapy with dr. Stewart because actually I've been ringing excessively

and I think it's unacceptable instead instead I'm just going to keep the phone

on so that every time you pick it up I'll still be there do you understand so

it's sort of like a hijack the telephone line and also I'd like to dial

out using your telephone line so that it goes on your bill can I do that do I

have your permission for that no you don't okay I'm gonna do it anyway yeah

Yeah, I'm still here.

Afternoon, taxi's evening.

Yeah, I'm calling from Better Cars. How are you?

I'm fine, thank you.

I want to, because actually we're trying to eliminate the competition here.

Can we do that?

Right, okay.

So we want to get rid of your firm.

Oh, right, okay.

Can we do that?

How are you proposing to do that?

Because we want to take all your drivers, pay them less money,

and then that's it.

We want to fire you.

Can we do that?

Oh, you want to fire me as well?

Yeah, I want to fire you. I'm calling from Better Cars. Do you know who we are?

You're calling from Better Cars?

Yeah, Better Cars. Yeah, we're on...

Mr. Stewart. Mr. Stewart.

Mr. Stewart. You want me to come suck my dick then, innit?

What do you mean?

I can talk to you, but you can do that, innit?

What are you saying, though? I don't understand.

Hello?

Yeah, hello.

Yeah, how are you?

You motherfucker, why are you still on the line for? What are you doing?

Because I've stolen your telephone line, and I'm basically calling other companies with your telephone line so that I don't have to pay.

So why the fuck are you doing this? Why?

Because I feel like it.

Your mum's in the office right now. I'm shagging her hair right now, my friend.

I don't think that's possible, you idiot.

Your sister's here as well, bro.

I don't have a sister.

One of the drivers is shagging her. Come and get her. Come on.

I'd like... You know what I'd like to do? I'd like to... I have a fantasy.

And I'd like to get in the back of one of your taxis and I'd like to pee all over the seats, all over the front seats.

You motherfucker. Listen, bro. Come in the office. You've got a fucking problem. Come in the back, cause of...

I know where you are. I want to pee over the driver, the gear stick, the wheel, the dashboard, the front window, the back window.

Where are you speaking from? Where are you?

I'm in the office.

Listen, you're coming out bullshit. He's in the office. Which office?

I'm in your office.

What are you saying?

Because you're speaking to me now, so I'm there.

And I'd like to pee on the windscreen and turn on the windscreen wipers.

I'll pee in your mouth, you bastard. Come in the office. I'll show you.

Yeah, you know what I'd like to do?

Let me see what you've got.

Where from?

I'd like to get a taxi, and I'd like to enter the taxi and pee all over the back seat.

Sorry?

I want to pee all over the back seat.

Wait, hold on. Give me one second.

You want a taxi, yeah?

Yeah.

And you want to pee in the front seat?

Yeah, and the back seat, and on the driver, and on the steering wheel, and the dashboard, and the gear stick.

And can I ask who's calling?

And the back brake and the front brake.

Don't hate James, but do find out.

And also in the windshield.

I'm trying to stop people from calling in by taking your line, yeah?

But sometimes it breaks off so other people can call, so that's not good.

We want to prevent that, if at all possible.

Can we prevent that?

Hello?

Yeah?

Yes, sir.

Yeah, how are you?

Yeah, not too bad, mate.

I'd like to come in.

Sorry?

I want to come in and apologize.

You want to come in and apologize?

Yeah, yeah. And then I would like to get into one of the taxis and pee all over the backseat.

Hello? Hello? Yes, hello?

Hello, can I call you?

I think it's rude if you hang up. Do you understand?

Bro, why do you keep ringing here? Come on, tell me, man.

I have a fantasy and I want to fulfill that fantasy.

Where are you?

I'm in the office.

No, you're not, because I'm here. I can't see you.

Because you're holding me, that's why.

You come in front of me, then show this kind of beef, then I'll show you.

I'm right next to you, don't you understand?

You're holding me against your ear.

Your brother, if you've got the guts, come here in the office, then talk to this master.

I want to come in there and I want to pee all over you, can I do that?

Can I pee all over the office?

Pee all over the chairs?

I'm going to shag your mum here right now. I'm shagging your mum here.

Pee on the table?

Go shag your mum as well, your sister as well.

I can't do that. And I pee on the computer. Do you have a computer there?

You got a problem. Calm down, bro.

Yeah, I don't. I want to apologize, actually, because I've been I've not actually been very straightforward with you.

Why am I calling, et cetera? I'm actually calling because because I just because I want to.

You want a taxi? Yeah. And I want to pee on it.

Go and suck your dick. Then we give you a taxi free.

That's a bit stupid, though, isn't it? I'm going to call from your phone.

You understand? Because because because when I use your phone to call another company, they pick up.

So why the fuck are you using our phones to call another company?

Why are you doing that?

Because it doesn't cost me anything, and then I can annoy people for free, actually.

That's why.

Where are you?

I'm in the office.

Who are you?

I'm Mr. Stewart.

Stewart is your dad, yeah?

No, no, I'm Mr. Stewart.

Mr. Stewart.

So who's your mom?

Mrs. Stewart.

So who have you been chugging, your dad or your mom?

No, no, your mother.

Oh, you've been chugging your mother, all right.

No, I've been chugging your mother, your mother.

Got a car?

Yeah, so I've been calling other taxi companies.

Did you hear some of that?

Doing what?

Just talking to them, saying that I'm calling from Better Cars, because it comes up with your number.

Have you?

Yeah, when I call them, it says I'm Better Cars, so I can just talk to them and say I'm Better Cars.

Do you want to listen? Listen to this.

Hello?

Yeah, I'd like to pee all over. Do you understand?

You'd like to pee all over, yeah?

Yeah, yeah. I'm calling from Better Cars. Do you know where we are?

You're Better Cars?

Yeah, Better Cars, yeah.

Because we want to take over all the business here.

Right.

And we like, we don't like you.

You don't like us?

No, no, we don't like you.

We don't like you.

But I want to come in and pee all over one of the taxis.

You're not a man enough.

I am a man.

Talk to one of my friends at Better Cars.

Give me to your friend.

Hello.

Why don't you talk to him?

I shagged your mum last night, you son of a bitch.

Woo.

Back off.

Yeah, I'd like to get a taxi, please.

Brother, listen.

Yeah?

It's roughly one hour now.

Why are you ringing every second?

Because I'm enjoying it.

You're enjoying it?

Yeah.

all right then carry on yeah yeah okay if you like it i love it what do you mean that's no

noise no i'd like to come yeah i'd like to come in there and what i'd like to do is i'd like to

pee all over the seats yeah i'm sure you can over the chairs

yay that was just big carlito that was jim stewart back in 1998 doing a prank

put a number there in the chat

for the IHOP in Hawaii

where we were asking for Reggie

and it was actually really funny

during I think it was

Dirty Aaron show last week

we were calling the whole strip mall

like every business in there

fucking with them

according to

I'm sorry

according to D12

if they're giving you one year in jail and a thousand dollars fine

if they catch you on the road in that martial law place

wow just for drive well

Well, I mean, it's, you know, you gotta be safe, you know?

Can't be just driving out there, getting stuck and trapped, getting frozen in.

That's ridiculous, though.

You're in jail for driving.

Yeah, that's true, man.

Fuck shit up.

Alex Jones, man.

Prison state, man.

No, I'm just kidding.

Okay.

You know, it's a really weird inside joke.

Parting the old milk mountain there, then Nunu went to bed with the Freaky Poppers guy.

Oh, my God.

Oh, man.

All right.

I hope we're not boring you guys tonight here.

here um trying to have fun jose really wants to be on uh not gonna keep no ganu no ganu whatever

he i banned him i i blocked him on skype and i just wanted to let you guys know look unless

unless i know you like personally okay like milkman jen you know ken you guys got you know

you guys who are on the show regularly with me or if you're just you know if you know you're a

friend of mine like brad stuff like that you know people if you know who you are if you're my friend

uh you can you can you you can call me on skype out of nowhere or add me to a conference you know

without asking or anything like that that's cool but if i don't know you man don't just

call me at four o'clock in the morning hitting me up on skype and shit like that because

it's kind of rude it just pisses me off because sometimes i'll leave skype signed in and you

remember i work night shift so i get home at eight o'clock in the morning and i get really pissed off

When like my iPad which is next to me in bed, but you know when when Skype's going off and I look at it

And it's someone I don't know like no ghanu Adam

He does, but it could be somebody really hot like he could be just like a really hot chick

Naga knew was a guy that was in the fucking chat earlier just blast and put numbers and shit in there, too

Just being a retard. Yeah, he did he did that to me the same time. He did to you remember and um that dude

dude he's a shit he's a it's a dude named noggin he's a pla dude and um rbc banned him

off of your contact list see you that's the way it's gonna yeah he's deleted off mine you're lucky

you got his number you're lucky you got accepted yeah that's what i'm doing and there's a few

people that do that like if i don't know you mean you can you send me a message and if you want to

call me like you know hit me up say hey carlito what's up you want to talk you know or something

and he's got a life dude i mean he gives he gives it to us every week man yeah just i don't want to

talk to random people and some of them hate how many out all these years how many times have we

really missed shows we've been one of the most consistent ones out there i don't give a fuck

who you are i kind of miss a lot of these shows motherfucking shit carlito gives it to me every

other day it's the part of us for a long time don't give me no shit man carlito don't give

time to everybody he sure does man he even gives two or three shows sometimes so let the guy rest

and you're going to get deleted from the contact list i used to get pissed when carlito and miss

the show and like rbcp would fucking take over i'm like these cocksuckers and i'd be all pissed

about it yeah yeah no i i missed a lot of shows the last two years when i was sick and all that

stuff i had to miss shows but before that dude that dude you're sick you're sick i don't you

know if you don't somebody don't understand that and they need their head examined you know i mean

people get sick the fuck you want him to go in the hospital bed while he's dying gag on the air

you know oh boy shit shit comes up i mean funny cool i'm not getting that i'm just i'm saying

like i'm not gonna i mean this is not gonna he'll he'll add me to a conference with like 20 other

people and i don't know anybody in there it's like a bunch of teenagers talking and it's like

i don't want to be in that man like don't don't just fucking add me to conferences and stuff i

don't know what the fuck you're talking about yeah i was in that one you're talking about he

He added me at 4 o'clock in the morning, and I was like, what the fuck, and I left.

Yeah.

You get defeated that way, man.

That's simple, simple, simple.

Yeah, I mean, feel free to, you know what?

You want to message me, and I am me, and I'll probably talk to you, say what's up.

You want to give a compliment or send a number or just shoot the shit.

Yeah, that's fine, but don't just start calling me and shit.

Like, I don't want that.

Or come back at you.

That's bullshit, man.

Yeah.

I was testing my son's tablet out the other day, so I called Carlito and left a voicemail.

I was like, goddammit, Carlito, and then I hung up.

Let's see.

well yeah that's fine because i know you pretty well you know like you're if you know the that

crowd you know people like you and enigma and death box you know people like that because you

know we talk you know we're on the show regularly we talk a lot so we you know we're on a different

level but not random listener don't i was gonna kidnap his uh fucking uh tablet one night because

i was like well fuck i'm probably gonna be away from my house whatever this guy is jeez he's like

like this christian pothead dude like he like he like preaches the gospel of jesus while smoking

pot i'm serious okay fine but why is he calling people in the middle of their night you know why

he just does that that's what he does he's crazy he's gonna be a dick he is deleted from my scott

the gospel of jim stewart you motherfuckers yeah i mean and because sometimes it's been going on

for months uh yeah like a random guy and he'll like i'd be at work and someone to keep skyping

me and that's why i don't like giving my shit out there's only a few on my list man just the

ones that i know man i can trust and gonna bug the fuck out of me yeah but i'd have some guy like

i have a guy like yo carlito that's what i want to do prank calls like i don't want to do prank

calls at you know nine in the morning when i'm at fucking work dude and like i get people like

leaving angry voices like carly well you won't fucking answer it i want to be fucking i want to

who was the guy that used to call you and leave like creepy voicemails like i'm taking my shirt

off oh that was me what just kidding wasn't that jim nobles dude he used to get pissed like

somebody would call him like just like stalk you and leave creepy voice that was jim jim nobles

right nobles probably yeah i'm taking my shirt off i don't remember that that was weird i remember

watching a kid or i listened to a katie k show for whatever reason mccartney goes in the chat

hey big ken i'm taking off my shirt looking at you i'm like what the fuck yeah i say weird

that's creepy yeah i like to say weird stuff all the time hey if i can't call you at 4 a.m can i

call you at 5 a.m well you can actually you can call me at 5 in the morning i'm going to be at

work and i can't answer skype i was just kidding yeah you can go for it but you know it's i'm not

going to answer go oh you do answer sometimes but it's like yeah all you can hear is a bunch

bunch of servers in the back room winding by in the background winding away it's like it sounds

like shit and i wish i could do pranks with you guys because for the most part we're just sitting

around bored at work till two in the morning that's when work starts and we get paid to sit

around you know we take a nap sometimes it's kind of fun i like it but you're gonna pay me to take

a nap fine oh you know who we haven't called in long ass time that's about dude's fucking

angry asian no no i can't because i don't know there's some woman that answers now and she says

She doesn't know anything about them.

If you don't want to call them,

call fucking Two-Face back from last week.

Two-Face from last week?

Fucking cat with his name Two-Face.

Oh, hey, I should try to get Charlie's wife

to cook that again.

Yeah, the Two-Face cat.

How do you cook a Two-Face cat?

We just cook a duck chicken.

You come to my house again and wake me up.

I'm going to be pissed.

Somebody said flush your toilet

and test the water.

We need to do one of those UK toilet calls.

That's about time for one of those.

There was that one call.

I almost got the fucking lady to put it up to their fucking tongue and taste it.

Alright.

Lonesome, if you're still listening, send some UK numbers.

Because the last I got from you were some Thailand numbers.

Which we can do.

There's a pet shop in Thailand.

Let's call and see if they have any tasty animals.

Remember, it's New Year.

So they're easily there. They're not easily offended at this point. It's not New Year's in Thailand

It's New Year's in China. And that was yesterday, dude. I thought she said it was me here's what she just said

They got frogs that's their pets frogs

I think they're Buddhist, too, man.

I think they follow the Buddhist calendar.

Is it a Buddhist calendar or just Chinese?

It is a Buddhist country, yeah, man.

No calendar.

I was confusing Indonesia, I think.

Hello?

Yeah, is this the pet shop?

Yeah, it's a pet shop.

Do you have animals there?

Huh?

Do you have animals?

Animals?

No, I have dog food, cat food, especially for dogs, for pets.

Do you have, okay, do you have food for dogs to make them nice and fat so I can eat them?

Do you know where I can find a dog to eat?

I want to eat a dog.

I want to put a dog in the oven like a Jew, a Nazi does with a Jew, you know?

I want to gas him.

Yeah, like Jim Stewart's dad used to do.

Yeah, you know Jim Stewart?

Yeah.

Can I eat the dog food?

Dog food, yeah.

Can I eat it?

i have a dog food band uh friday eight do you have birds but i have no birds no birds i have

a dog uh bird uh food bird oh okay where can i buy a dog then where can i go buy a dog tell me

come on hurry up i suck all right she just has supplies call her call her back let me talk to

see if she's got a gerbil or two there you go that's a zebra

Libra.

Tony!

Hello.

Hello, do you speak English?

Uh, I understand who you are.

You understand who I am?

Okay, that is good.

I'm looking for a horse.

Do you have a horse?

What is horse?

Horse.

The same stuff you put in your meat.

Horse meat.

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe a, maybe, maybe a gerbil?

I have.

I have good uses for a gerbil.

Pony

Don't get me started on a pony miss, do you have a pony?

Give me one, give me one

Okay you ask

Chinga to Maliwe

Oh man

Hello

Echo

Hello

Crazy echo now, I don't appreciate that

It's on her end, what the fuck

Okay here's a different pet shop

In Thailand, maybe these people have horses to eat.

You should get somebody to explain what they want to do with a gerbil if they have one.

What would you do with a gerbil if you had one?

Call up the popper's guy.

He'll fucking explain it to you as part of his training.

You relax those anal sphincter and pop it in.

Arby says you probably still have good job customers, don't you?

I think he's busy right now with Mr. Serninu there, helping Mr. Serninu get stretched a little bit.

Teaching him to stretch.

properly yeah i bet he was that bad is he doing poppers

i don't know who gave me a number to pass on the dirty but i'll give it to you

all right that's just a message repeating over and over again here's a different one perfect

perfect dogs pet shop and grooming school dog grooming service and supplies this is in bangkok

Like, man, that's got to be a scary job.

Got a request from Obama Machine.

Want to know if Carlito could do a call with Dr. Nagras' voice?

Dr. Nagras.

Talk about a Nagras.

Nagras.

Dr. Nagras, who means butt cheeks.

A little bit of America, horse with no name.

All right.

That's, uh...

All right, man.

Russia.

Pony with no name.

No pony with no name.

i had a craziness i had a crazy i used to sing this song all the time on people's voicemails

for no reason you've given me an idea i would go la la la la la la i do that and like it was

my friends and they'd be like what the what do you keep what what is it with you in that song

anyway uh pet store been through the desert and a horse of no name it feels

Eeeeeeeeeeeeee

Hi there

Do you speak dog ?

Yes, hi, Mikmak

Hello

Mikmak, hi

Hello

Yes, do you... is this a perfect dog, pet food?

Hello, tawadee ka

Hi do you speak English?

Oh, no

No?

No, no, no Is... No, Eekrish

Eekrish no, kha

Does anyone speak English?

No, speak Grish kha

Bangkok, meat, rats, Batana

Lady, I'm gonna... I know some Thai

No, no, buffet dog

Sauce, sauce, buffet dog

No, no, no

What?

No

What did you say?

How do you pronounce that?

I don't know, I'm just getting this from Jago, so I don't...

Jago.

Say, I'm a kwe.

I'm a kwe.

I'm a dog.

You know.

Dogs.

You have dogs?

Yes.

I want dog.

Dog.

Big susu.

This shit sounds funny.

So Jago's Thai?

I don't know if Jago is Thai.

No, he lives in Thailand.

He's not Thai.

Oh, okay.

That's cool.

well that's good that's good that's very convenient hey what's up jago is that the

jago that put your stuff on youtube yeah yeah it's the number one fine guy yeah big thanks to

that guy because i got a lot of enjoyment out of that one during the dark ages of no jim stewart

um hey england what do we do with england what who said what need to do we need to wake up

england we shit on england yeah but someone mentioned and we probably wanted to do a water

test they wanted the water test done see if they could get their water at 6 30 on a sunday morning

You're not gonna get that done. They're just gonna say it's 630 in the morning, and it's a Sunday

Start the whole do you know what time it is and fucking hit the dramatic use

Started that for a while. Do you want a time?

All right, all right, I think I think I get recording all right be a DVD excuse me a

mp3 yeah get a sample a big band

all right there you go and let me say that now we'll do the dramatic music for now because we

have that radio okay that's automatic do you know what time it is hello yes hi how are you

i'm calling from water testing hello uh i'm not sure what time is it i think you lost her right

away oh man you knew she was gonna say that didn't you yeah that was like you're calling from um it

depends where you are in england uh just tell me where you're calling and then i can tell you

possibly what the water supplier is oh cool look at that every fucking time do you know what time

it is all right that's the plan all right here we go william swanson they're in uh thurso thurso

england where's thurso i never heard of that thurso thurso thurso does it say county what's

a postcode oh yeah yeah yeah yeah no no tango postcode i think it's possible jim may have caught

someone shitting in the water supplies so they should refrain from drinking it it's a t-h-u-r-s-o

did you want to go in scotland no i don't know yeah maybe maybe it says thurso is in scotland

i believe oh boy is it scottish water it's definitely not england highland water that's

the name of it yeah that's what i'll say highland water johnny water machine high one water johnny

walker water it'll be pronounced test test yes hello good morning i'm calling from highland

waters we need you to do you're having any trouble with your water supply this morning

no have you flushed the toilets at all or use the sinks in the in the lavatory have you yeah

can you check this we have a problem there's hot water coming out of the toilets we want to make

sure is your water cold or hot coming out of the bathroom in the toilet hey

don't do that hey did

Did you want to ask me what time it was or something?

Oh, man.

That didn't work out.

That was a good...

It kind of sounded like he was rolling over to go check, you know?

I don't know.

It sounded like he was getting under the covers, hiding from me.

I had a bad delivery on that, so that was a problem.

Okay.

There's still another number overseas.

It looks like it's still connected.

Ooh, really?

Hello?

Now it's gone.

No, it's not.

Now it is.

Yeah, I had a headache, and I took some pain medicine, and now I feel better.

You know?

Imagine that.

Wow.

Oh, yeah, it works.

Anyway, Lonesome is confirming some UK numbers for us.

Death Fox, you want to hook me up with, what was that hotel, Motel 6 you were calling recently?

Yeah, because that was fun.

We call it the 1700 Club now.

The 1700 Club?

Yeah, that's what we call it.

Was it the number that Death Fox was calling where he was able to just dial into rooms instead of going through the front desk?

Yeah, yeah, but after a while they switch it off.

No, they don't switch it off.

Oh, they're stupid.

Well, if they get complaints, they'll turn that room's phone off so it'll go right to the front desk.

Yeah, that was good from his show yesterday because I wanted to talk to a guy and see how it was from the room next door and invite him over for the fucking orgy.

There you go.

Thank you, Death Fox.

That's a pretty original idea, man.

Yeah, before we do that, we've got a free kitten to a good home.

One black and one white, two gray and white.

The kittens are two months old.

They are adorable, playful babies.

Baby, baby.

Alright, cool.

Before we tell them we are calling from Korean restaurant and we want to cook and eat the kittens.

Fucking Charlie would love to eat them.

Oh my god, that's a delicacy. That and cow penis.

Yeah.

Please enjoy this Verizon ring back on while your party is reached.

I bet you will.

No, it's not.

I thought it would be the, you know, the classical thing.

Does Aaron want to go on? Is he around?

I don't know.

your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system

is not available all right i'll try again hey aaron how are you baby

hey man i'm gonna say aaron you got a nice uh beard going there i saw it on facebook i was

quite impressed yeah you like that i want to run my fingers through it and stuff yeah it looks

trying to build up his fucking disguise please enjoy this horizon ring back on while your party

Earlier, he was talking about that.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Sorry?

It's not available.

At the tone, please record your message.

When you have finished recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options.

To leave a callback number, press 5.

Uh-huh.

Oh, doesn't that get a beep?

There was a beep.

Oh, there was a beep.

All right, listen, bitch.

We don't want to hear your fucking music playing when we call you, all right?

So don't fucking play it.

Do-do-do-do.

Yeah, baby.

Leave a beep after the message.

is that really what death fox looks like yeah i'm fucked up bro

you kept asking me if that was me with the fucking lamb

it's it's my it's my gator hat i bought it dollar tree for a dollar is that a gator hat oh it is

does it actually have a light on under it huh oh it looks like it's lit up like you got some type

of light underneath the bill of the cat no it's just a it's a little it's a little phone gator

how to find a Dollar Tree

about a week ago.

there you go.

Now that would fucking explain

if I looked a little closer.

No,

we got a pretty good,

you know,

offensive line here in the show.

Milkman,

me,

Deathlocks,

you know.

Yeah,

who's our,

we got Rollo for quarterback?

There you go.

Jin Stewart can be the kicker.

Yeah,

because he's English.

Yeah,

because he likes soccer.

Yeah.

He's wiry.

Fuck off,

soccer is gay.

Come on,

I should be on Fox.

Come on,

you should put me somewhere

where I can run.

Put your American football team,

we'll make a running back running javelin there you go hey uh carlito yeah what's up i just uh

put a number in skype chat it's a hotel that's uh according to the map across the street from

buckingham palace oh there you go got an idea for that it's instead of your idea of i want to see if

i can see the queen of wanking off accuse the guy in the room of fucking like looking over at

at Buckingham Palace

through some binoculars

and he's in some

real fucking trouble.

Baz,

I'm dialing.

Are you taking this?

You had an idea for it?

Sure, I'll take it.

All right, walk on.

How can it be right across, though?

That's not possible

to be right across.

You and your technical.

Morning, guys.

I live here!

Morning.

Hello.

Can I help you?

Yes,

I recently just arrived

in the UK

at Heathrow Airport

on the plane machine

from Los Angeles.

Are you near

Buckingham Palace?

Yes.

Yes, are you...

How close are you

to the palace?

Very close.

Can you see the palace grounds from any of your rooms?

No, you cannot see the palace grounds.

Okay.

Fucking told you, cunt.

You're like, yes, I can see it.

Well, you know, I'm a big fan of the royals.

Always have been.

Every time I come over to the UK, I always want to try to get a glimpse of the queen.

How can I help you now?

Well, I want to find a room that has a view of the palace so I can see the queen and have a wank.

You cannot look into the palace.

We haven't got the room to look into the palace.

I want to look into the palace, see the queen, and have a wank.

is that possible another what a wank toss yeah i'm a wanker that's hot all right let me ask it

myself you want a glimpse of the queen's i i told you you were like yeah it's right opposite i'm

fucking well gin with his technicalities i live fucking five minutes from there

i never know maybe with binoculars i can see the queen hello no you can't because

yeah can i see the queen with uh x-ray vision no we kind of we gotta do that i have x-ray

vision though dude would i have a clean line of sight so i could see her when she showers and i

can masturbate well can i be of help to you pleasing anyway listen motherfucker we've got

a SWAT team of motherfuckers with night vision we want to come in there and fuck everybody up

can we do that actually we just want to crack me up when jim does shit like listen there's a big

gay orgy going on in room one two three right now hey girlfriend jim i just want to let you know you

You broke one of DeathOx's rules.

What did I break?

It's talking about SWAT teams.

I don't know.

That's you.

That's you, man.

You enforce those rules on me.

I told you, hey, if you're going to do a show, do a show, but don't try to keep control.

Don't do bomb threats.

I told you common sense.

Who does bomb threats?

Oh, I see.

You do a bomb threat?

Who does bomb threats?

No, that's not a bomb threat.

Come on.

We want to come in.

I just said we want to.

Frank Hamster.

Yeah, bomb threats, no.

Jerking off in the hotel hallways, yes.

That's fine.

That's my style, yeah.

No, but for real, I upheld your rules, too.

Very good.

Did you listen to it?

I heard the first ten minutes, and then I had to do yard work, and I couldn't finish.

It was a clusterfuck, not really.

Got to move that grass.

Oh, Def Fox, the one guy that was calling about the wetsuits,

I was trying to get him to start telling the guy that they were used in the golden shower bachelor party and shit,

or like the crotch and the ass

had holes cut out in them and stuff.

No, that's actually kind of a good idea.

What the fuck? Who was that?

Who fucked it? That's fucking disgusting.

Who was that?

Death Fox. That's gross, man.

I'm looking at your picture and that's just gross.

Don't hate on my picture.

No, I'm just saying.

I'm the real life Jack Masters.

You could have at least made your bed

before you took that picture.

Well, the funny thing is that there's

There's the pictures of the dolls on his wall and shit.

Or the...

I should figure it out.

Oh, no.

Shit, he just took her no longer there.

That's the 1980s in the still in the box.

Boba Fett.

No, that ain't a Boba Fett.

That's Cheech and Chong, man.

They talk.

Really?

Yeah, from the 80s, Up in Smoke, man.

That's, like, legit still in the box.

Up in Smoke came out, like, in the 70s, didn't it, though?

Well, whatever.

Who cares?

I thought it came out in 2001.

I saw all of them in the movie

that would be on par with

Jin you know 2001 he hears

about Cheech and Chong

2012 he hears about 2 in the pink 1 in the stink

because you said up in smoke

I thought that was like a concert

with the Dre and Snoop and all that

oh and Ice Cube

I saw that concert in Tampa

I was on that

tour in Tacoma

washington yeah dude i saw in tampa ice cube came out like on a on a fucking mobile execution chair

like a electric chair that was really cool man i actually saw the grand opening of emp in seattle

and it was a really weird mix it was uh the headliners were uh metallica dray and snoop dog

that's kind of weird when they had uh red hot chili peppers and uh they did um kid rock was

there too yeah that's cool my favorite concert of all time 1990 i'm gonna say 93 92 or 93

It was a 60, 62.

Shut up.

92?

It was Metallica and Guns N' Roses and Pearl Jam was opening up.

It was freaking awesome.

That was the fucking concert.

You know what?

I went to a concert I didn't think I would really enjoy.

It was probably about 10 years ago.

And it was a fucking jazz concert.

It had like B.B. King and a bunch of shit in there.

It was actually really fucking cool.

I went to see the London Symphony Orchestra about two years ago.

That was amazing.

The London Symphony Orchestra.

Wow.

That actually would be cool.

Cheerio.

Very good.

Chip chip though.

I did my picture change.

All right.

Hey, you got the old man fucking beard going now.

What are you, 60 years in the future?

He's like he aged 20 years in front of us.

Aaron did just now.

That's cool.

Yeah.

Anyway, Aaron, I was going to say, I was going to mention,

we got a pretty good roster here for shows on the Madhouse Network.

We got my show, right?

Brad does shows every once in a while now before Madhouse.

The Brad Carter pre-show.

Yeah.

Aaron, you got your show regularly now.

and we got uh death fox doing a show jen's doing a show every once in a while um i think yeah

there's a lot of every once in a while guys i mean you know like i don't saturdays i gotta

really plan on it because i gotta have the family in line you know yeah i gotta yeah

you have a family you gotta push it right down the street you should have heard it one of the

first shows that dirty did he beat the shit out of his wife and kids live on the air no say that

he said he was going to fucking beat his kids and push the wife down the stairs and he said

he'd be right back well no what i have to do is i gotta i gotta rough her up early in the night

instead of like late later after she fucking you know makes meatloaf not very good surely you don't

actually do that no no not at all i'm a wonderful father i'm a wonderful father but probably not a

great husband they still do the dishes right no dishes aren't i do the dishes sometimes

women dirty buys paper plates from now on he doesn't do fucking dishes paper plates

man actually that hotel number car later yeah you want to call oh just the one that's fucking

inside buckingham palace no this is the one with the never-ending switchboard well let's wait on

that look i want to do that towards the end of the show because we can just round robin that you

I sent you a couple numbers from Nunu

about some corrupt fuckers over in the UK, politicians.

Were they selling horse meat?

No, he sent it.

It was going to be for Dirty Aaron if he was going on tonight,

but since he's not, he sent me two politicians with their numbers.

He said they're corrupt as fuck.

What? He actually sent you a politician's number here in the UK?

Yep.

Who did he send you?

Jeff Hoon and Charles Clark.

Nobody special, then.

Yeah, DeathFox, have Dozer call in.

Yeah, for sure, man.

Okay.

Yeah, no problem.

Okay, we got some more UK numbers here.

Let's hit those up real quick.

I'm going to post this in the Skype chat for you guys to see the names and addresses if it comes up.

No, I can't because I'm not in front of the computer.

Let me take the fucking first one.

Let me see if I can do something.

David Bruce.

David.

Bruce.

David Brucey.

How you can you fucking hit me?

I'm going to have a big date night tomorrow.

I'm going to go watch a movie.

Oh.

I'm going to finger my wife instead of the movie theater.

Maybe you'll get lucky.

One in the, two in the paper, one in the stick.

Four in the paper.

No, see, you even, you, hello?

Hello, is David Bruce available, please?

Who is it?

This is John from the UK Water Machine Services, Inc.

Well, would you just mind getting off this board and not running back, please?

I wouldn't mind at all if you could get David Bruce on the line, bitch.

Because they sound like telemarketers, so they're obviously going to do that.

What time is it?

That's a good question.

Audit 7.

Welcome to BC Answer 1571.

The person you called is on the phone.

Yeah, 10 to 7.

Well, you said whenever a British person says what time it is, we play the song.

I did it.

The sun's not up yet.

Let me talk to that.

Yep.

Hello?

Is this David?

Hello?

David, what is that bitch doing hanging up on me?

I need to talk to you about some business.

Hello?

What the fuck?

You heard that?

It was breaking on bad.

I couldn't fucking hear anything he was saying.

Yeah, I got a little bit of breakage there.

And an echo.

What the fuck?

You had that echo.

What the hell?

It was breaking on bad.

I couldn't fucking hear anything he was saying.

Yeah, I got a little bit of breakage there.

And an echo.

Yeah, Carly was echoing again.

Hang on, I'll get the echo.

Oh, oh, oh.

Wow, there's such a massive delay between what I'm saying and when it hits the stream.

Yeah, well, I wanted to set him straight about his piece of shit life.

Hello?

He's still there.

Hello?

What the fuck?

Hello?

All right, let me set this fucker straight.

Hello?

Bruce?

Hello?

Bruce, your wife is a slut.

Hello?

You hear me, David, or you need to turn your fucking hearing aid up.

Hello?

Hey, hey, I got an idea.

Hello?

God, I'm going to shit on this guy's wife.

you were confusing yourself for a minute you were like doing this the one in the seven one

eight and two in the stink oh if you go to fucking uh bruce southwood's fucking sex dungeon he does

two in the pink fucking three in the stink i've done four yeah i've done four hello fisting

Yeah, fist in the snake.

Hello.

Hi.

Anal fisting.

Anal licking.

After poppers.

I just want to hear him say hello again.

I was hoping you would.

It's just funny.

Hello.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Hello?

Hello.

What the hell is this thing in my hand?

I didn't even want him to answer.

I wanted that bitch to fucking get back in the phone.

Yeah.

David Miller is next.

An old guy answered here.

An old guy named David, apparently.

Hello.

Are you sure it's that crow that's next?

Baz has his one.

How's it going?

Who's doing that?

Baz.

I don't think they want to answer.

Alright, yeah, you're right.

David Crowe, I skipped him.

Milkman's jiggling his bowl.

Hello.

Good morning.

I'm calling from UK Poppers Machines.

Pardon?

I'm calling from UK Poppers Machines.

Do you have any poppers?

Do you know what they are?

What is that?

I'm calling from UK Poppers Machine.

We sell poppers.

What poppers?

What?

What are you talking about?

They're poppers.

Parshals poppers. Have you got the right number? Yeah, I'm calling the United Kingdom

What are you doing this is a private number this is a private house in Scotland listen you fucking weird bastard

I'm gonna come over there and I wanna fight you in the garden

Hello, are you still there that goes coming from you Carlito fuck me in the air

I was right in the middle of that

and I was going to say something

really funny

but my kid walked in

my kid walked into the room

and I was going to say something that wasn't

appropriate

I'm going to go to hell

I'm talking about poppers

I was going somewhere

with that

oh man okay uh it's still on echo now i try to kill it it's better okay well i don't know

whatever was happening during the call like baz and the call were coming through your sky

yeah jesus is this asshole still hanging on the line i still see his number up there

yeah he's still connected still connected yeah hey go fuck yourself pal he's that he keeps

clicking in and out they keep doing that all right i'll i'll there there he goes he's done

Well, I clicked him off.

Let me try to click him back on.

Fucking sleazy eavesdropper.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

Did you receive a harassing call from my associate, sir?

Yes.

Okay, did you want me to write him up?

I'm gonna come!

Did you want me to write him up?

He's harassing you, sir?

I can type up a report so he won't bother you again.

Right, please do.

What did he say to you?

Can I apologize?

I'm gonna fuck you.

That's what he said.

I am gonna fuck you!

So, did you want him to fuck you or no?

No.

I just want to stop this phone call.

Do you want to have sex, though, or just want the phone calls to stop?

He's stupid.

Yeah, that's what he said.

I'll bring on the poppers.

Oh, man.

Big Ken.

Good times.

All right, let's continue here.

More numbers.

Let's get back over.

Who's here now?

Who we got?

Let me do a round table here just to make sure we got who we need to have here.

Milkman, you're coming in okay?

Milkman, okay, good.

Jen's here.

he sounds good i guess yeah no i'm not saying dude patent death fox yeah yeah big baz is good

dirty aaron poppers penis doja what's up carlito how you doing man good man god bless you sir and

ken in charge of the fuck yeah yeah man yeah there we go so do all the show hosts have double names

like carlito and i got like cross death fox is patent fox dirty aaron has bruce uh brent restwood

i'm ryan dozier and i'm from the front desk there you go i'm just jim stewart yeah it's like i just

have one name pat and fox death fox is just my chat name i've had since like the 90s that makes

sense why don't you just be death fox then or just change your name to pat fox because if you

tell somebody hey my name is death fox what the hell all right i'm probably the only one that

doesn't have a double digit name i guess we're like the wu-tang clan you know like we all have

like you know second and third names you know yeah the resident is an old dirty bastard

of Inspector Deck, Raekwon, and Shep,

you got Ghostface Killer and The Method Man.

There you go.

I'm The Method Man, yeah.

Ghostface Killer.

I mean, H-O-T, man.

I wouldn't take a different...

I'm sorry, King, go ahead.

Speaking of Method Man,

did you guys see that they're fucking getting ready to make

oh, what the fuck was that movie that Method Man and Red Man did?

How High?

How High.

They're getting ready to fucking make another one.

Really?

I was about to say it had to do with drugs if they made it.

It was like Ice Cube is getting ready to fucking make another fight.

I was going to say.

i was wondering i was gonna say they need to make a new friday it's been a while

family movies supposedly he was supposed to bring chris tucker back in the next one oh that's good

because he's not doing anything else but the problem you know the problem chris tucker is

like he he's he hasn't been like in four movies in the last 20 years like the last 10 rush hour

what the fuck you want chris tucker yeah what the fuck you want i think the there i think the

problem with hollywood and carlito one show that you weren't able to do you were absent for i sent

you probably like probably 12 or 13 different uh numbers for guys named mike tucker to call and

we're gonna do the fucking mike tucker show oh man that'd be funny that would be good let's hear

your chris tucker impression your chris tucker impression i bet you can sound like it go i i

don't know if i can really do chris tucker i mean i can do other other like african-americans i mean

i can transform into like desmond real quick if that's what you want me to do i'm saying i mean

But it's all up to y'all.

He does like the best African-American voice I've ever heard.

Oh, I was digging Dozer's fucking black guy voice the other night.

That was hilarious.

I mean, if y'all were to, like, come over and drink a 40 and chill or whatnot, I mean, I'm down with it.

I mean, if y'all is, I mean.

That would be good for that IHOP fucking number I sent you there, Carlito, over there in Hawaii.

Reggie.

He could say his name is Lysol and he's looking for fucking Reggie.

Well, I know that nigga Lysol.

I know him real well.

That's awesome.

all right i got some more uk numbers i got four more here on deck five more on deck oh can i call

one sure man sure you can bruce brent whatever now confusing bruce and brent it's brett bruce

southwood is my brother it's brad can i yeah can i be a bill eastwood that'd be cool absolutely

northwood what was that name i thought of that day dirty it was like um patent eastwood or

something i don't remember clint eastwood you came up with that name fuck me man you're a genius

that's an awesome name oh the first no it wasn't clint eastwood i'm drunk it was like

it was something like ron eastwood or something you just pick a you just pick a direction and

you add a name to it you just add void in their direction you only got four options man two

already taken so good luck all right uh alan king is busy so we're called b queenie b queenie

Alright here you go

I think she live on my block

Queenie

Hello

Queenie

Who's calling

Yes this is Mr. Westwood calling

Mr. Westwood you're friends with my mom

She said to go ahead and look you up when I come into town

So I'm coming over

Who is it say again please

This is Mr. Westwood can you hear me

I can but I'm not

I'm not the person with that cell

Mr. Westwood

is calling you're friends with my mom yeah i'm calling him on a cell phone i'm in stockport

you're in stockport yeah you're good friends with my mom i have no idea i have no idea at all

oh mrs westwood it's my mom do you know my mom i don't know your mom no no do you know my mom

no why not you got the right number no definitely sure he said the one one one

Yes, but we're not, uh...

What's going on?

You're not home?

Who are you?

Do you know my mom?

No, well, he says that the point is that we're going to be out all day, so I'm afraid he doesn't know you're coming round.

She said that you and her were intimate, that you made sex with her?

Oh, no. Go away, Dad.

No, no. He said that you're my dad.

Stop doing that. Put it down.

No, no. She's still there.

Hello?

There's somebody else.

Dad?

Pick it up.

Let me talk to them.

I was going to say, put her down.

He was in the back.

The other guy was like, is this for me?

I was going to say, call him daddy.

I'll call him back.

Have you heard that prank call?

Do you know my mom?

Call him dad.

Hello?

Holy shit, they're fighting.

Oh, you made a couple fight.

That's not good, man.

It's two guys.

Two old guys.

He's calling from America.

No, I'm calling from a cell phone.

Yeah, you've made a big mistake now.

No, I'm American.

What's the mistake?

Hey, hello, Mr. Queenie, can you hear my echo?

America, fuck yeah.

Echo's bad again?

Shit, man.

Yeah.

I want to say it's Milkman's fault.

It's always Milkman's fault, man.

How about I restart, how about I redo Skype and we regroup, all right?

Oh, yeah.

Maybe that'll fix the echo.

Oh, shit, that means I've got to go over to the, yeah, all right.

Sorry, and I've got to restart the next YouTube video because we're tapped out here on time on this one.

All right, so we'll regroup.

Jesus.

Tapped out.

Oh, fuck you.

Fuck you.

All right.

Hi, everybody.

I'm Carlito.

I'm still here.

I like you guys.

You guys are pretty cool.

Oh, I wanted to mention something here real quick.

Let me play a song so I can mention this thing.

This is the best song for what I'm going to talk about here.

We'll play for you in a minute.

I wanted to give all our listeners out there who are listening, that was redundant, all

the Madhouse fans who are watching and listening tonight, let's say it that way, be keeping

your best your best wishes prayers meditations whatever it is that you do personally uh for our

good friend zolar from the zolar party nation uh his father has been diagnosed with a pretty severe

and serious form of cancer it was originally lymphoma from what i understand and unfortunately

it's taken a turn for the worst for the worst rather no tea in that one uh so zolar's dad is

is unfortunately going through.

They've got some hope that they might be able to fight it still with chemo,

but the situation is not as bright as we would like it to be.

Now, Zolar is a good friend of mine personally.

He's a good friend of the show here.

So keep him in your well wishes.

And I know Zolar is probably not listening to us right now.

It's really late.

But we are thinking about our good friend Zolar, Glenn Zolarski.

Be sure to follow him over at ZolarVision.com.

He does his prank call show on Battle Cam.

He's a good buddy of ours and a good friend.

Keep him and his family in your thoughts and prayers.

Thanks.

Give me a second.

I'm going to regroup everybody here and get the video back up,

and we'll continue with the show.

We'll do maybe about another hour or so.

Yeah, after three hours, YouTube hits a limit for the recordings,

so whenever we hit three hours of show,

I have to start a second part of the video

so that it's nice and archived for you guys to watch later.

Just another moment, guys.

I was getting there.

Actually, Zolar's on Skype right now.

Maybe he's on the air.

Maybe he's hanging out.

Maybe he is listening.

milkman i was just i like it i was just i was

just uh telling everyone to keep uh zolar and his family in their uh thoughts yeah i heard that man

man zolar man i love the zolar man you know just we had somebody that's kind of like you know being

negative in the chat you know that's just too bad i don't care i'm not gonna ban but you know what

very chill

my brother Zolar

Zolar is my brother

he's a brother

of the madhouse

and he's a free

human being

so I don't want to

hear no negative

bullshit

our prayers are for you

out there before you

there big Zolar man

and I've been through

it with my mother

I've lost several

close to how

I fell in the air

my prayers are with

big Zolar

hey Jen

hey man

hey Ryan

I'm getting

everyone reconnected

we got Baz's back

cool so we have

we got Dozer

Dozer was on

and aaron and ken let me get them here oh now i see aaron's picture yeah

well who's that guy hillock that's matt laugh track matt hillock laugh track

oh that's who that is i don't know who the hell that was poopy

what's the story with that uh avatar what avatar that's me no matt

What happened to your face?

Matt's not on here right now.

Halloween, I guess. He's still connected.

I beat the shit out of him.

He went down on his- he got his Red Wings in that pic, I'm pretty sure.

Oh, I'll fight you.

You know what Red Wings are, Jin? Do you know that one?

What do I know?

You know what Red- getting your Red Wings, you know what that means?

Uh, Red Bull?

Red Wings. You know what it means when a guy gets his Red Wings?

Yeah, he drinks Red Bull, I don't know.

No, no, no. You guys wanna explain to him? Baz, you know what that is, right?

It's eating a vagina when it's on the period.

period okay nice i was listening in the other room and i had to come running in this shitter

studio that's right matt uh hey let's just put you on the redwoods like you're playing in it

who's this hillock what the fuck what's up bro hey man so the guys are asking your avatar was

it a halloween picture or something or what's uh it was did you stick your face into your wife or

what oh a wife jesus christ i got enough problems uh it was a horror convention okay

horror nice cool man professionally done war convention oh yeah or carly just said you were

getting your red guys yeah i i actually i earned my red wings by mistake one time when i was up in

minnesota with this little teenage girl and i was wearing a white t-shirt at the time and i didn't

know till i went to take a piss

you and jim have a lot

yeah that's my man of type thing

yeah if you want

if you want any silly

this is my child

do you want to do any calls with us

holy shit

jim's gonna start jerking off

pull your dick out man

pull your cock out

this is the virus

this is the old man

that needs help

at least all of the guys we call

that's really good the older one is really good yeah the say i earned my red wings on accident

once too like i didn't find out until i was done and i went to the bathroom and i looked

at myself in the mirror i was like what the like yeah that's it it looked like i looked

like my stupid picture did you go back and ask her what the is this she uh no i didn't

i was i was happy to be begging this teenage broad when i was well well too old to be fun

The farthest I ever got

I had a 15 year old girlfriend

I'm not even too old

I had a 15 year old girlfriend

When I was 21

That's still legal though in most states

Not in the state

Just remember ageofconsent.com

Okay that's right

I know I've looked at it

Madhouse Live is brought to you

By fucking ageofconsent.com

Brought to you by

MadCrate and ageofconsent.com

all right there you go and meet spin yeah there you go all right don't forget motherless.com

great great site you know motherless.com actually i don't like the pooping stuff that just turns me

off jen's in there that because he's german you look fucking weird you know that germans like

poop and stuff but like scheisse the scheisse scat yeah i don't understand how anybody can

it be literally i'm serious i don't understand how anyone can be into that that's so fucked

up beyond words i just i don't know it really it really sucks because like it's like i think

i'm attracted to the the thumbnails of the broads that are broads that will eat because

like a thumbnail why would they do that though why it's well i know that well because of money

why else would they why would they blow old men no no that's that's just weird there's

some things you just don't do for money that's fucking disgusting uh space docking hit the

breaking news space docking for the win oh space docking is disgusting too i mean i've never seen

it what the fuck is that jen hold on son i'll bring it up what the fuck is that i'm gonna see

no i gotta conduct this show now you're gonna breaking news from high speed we have inside

information that uh jen is 25 ish and fuck the virginity out of a 16 year old that's old news

perfectly that's perfectly legal by the way over here don't you know the act of defecating

directly into one's vagina like a spaceship

jesus fucking christ

it's gonna be a high fiber diet though because it's gonna bind right you know

i imagine i imagine if you eat a lot of horse shit it is a high fiber diet because

Well, this one website I'm saying is a three-day diet of Imodium and peanut butter.

What?

Just to clog you up.

Jim, did you touch it?

Yeah.

You know what you can do instead?

Just get an opiate pill addiction, and it'll bind you up the same.

Real quick, when we're on this subject, when I was in high school,

there was this guy named Mark Campanelli,

and he went down on a girl knowingly that she was on her period,

and we called him Tampanelli for the rest of the year.

Oh, God.

Yeah, that was his name, Tampanelli.

When I was in middle school,

and me and this guy used to say who would eat the grossest thing contest,

and I won by chewing on a used tampon we found in the field.

Oh, my man.

And then all the friends said the contest is over.

Like, you can't go any farther.

That is crazy, dude.

Really?

you weren't afraid of getting something that's gross wow that makes you punk and anarchy and

an anarchy shirt like what setting the bar pretty high there yeah man all right well while we're at

this let's call francis tweety who lives in manchester england uh who wants this anybody

yeah i'll take it i'll ask you about this fucking pooping thing there you go space docking space

Space docking?

I want a hillock to fucking call somebody a cocksucker.

Don't forget to turn on the meat spin.

The tampon sucker.

Hello mate, how's it going?

Who's that?

It's Jin.

I'm from Meat Spin.

Do you know Meat Spin?

I think you got the wrong number, mate.

Nah, nah, shut up.

Listen, what do you know about space docking?

Alright, I know.

Hit me in for the Dutch Runner.

The Dutch Runner?

That one I don't know.

Do I want to know what the Dutch Runner is?

I put the fucking definition right there

Speak to okay, just look at super awesome. Imagine

Hello

No, all right. I'll re I'll read out the definition for you Carlito Dutch runner

You put your hand on your own dick while you have another friend work your arm for you

It's completely not gay

it's you getting wanked by a friend

I heard it called

the Dutch rudder

from Mac and Zuri make a porno

I think that's what they talked about

you ain't seen

any erotic Dutch shit

so you've seen the N

in his little black undershorts

he walks around in

I don't know if you've ever talked to the N

he's the kid that said welcome to botnet

he runs around in his little

tight boxer briefs

that's what they wear

they're probably

the N seems like a cool dude

he's got that

he wrote that program

to get Facebook numbers

right

yeah he's super cool

I fucking love a kid

when I think erotic

in Dutch

hello

hello is that David

David

hello

hi David

hello

yes hi David

I was thinking about

introducing you

into the

what's it called

space docking

do you have a

yeah do you have

a high fiber diet

do your feces bind

very tough

like very rigidly

You're calling from the States?

Yeah, uh-huh. How'd you know?

Yeah, it's late in the evening, isn't it, over there?

No, not too late, no.

This is the United Kingdom, early on a Sunday morning.

Okay, and what's the problem?

Well, people don't really expect to be called at this time of day, especially with junk calls.

Oh, no, it's not a joke call. It's serious.

Think about time zones.

Think about time zones when you want to make your rubbish call.

Well, I wanted a woman. I want my wife.

I want someone to defecate in my wife's vagina.

wind up call

a rubbish call

think about time zones

before you arrest

before you

wind somebody up

with a wind up call

just lag

a lot of people connected on the Skype

that might be why

Aaron and you guys

I think Joe is probably a good one to ask for Reggie.

Okay, that's cool.

That's cool.

So you had him running all around looking for Reggie.

Before that, Aaron, did you post that show yet on your site?

Because the last one I heard was like an old pre-show you had done once or something.

That's right.

Well, yeah, no, what's happened is that I'm actually backlogged into January still.

Oh, shit.

For edits, so I have like 13 or 14 hours of shows to edit.

I'm backlogged into November, so don't feel bad, man.

Everyone's real pissed off about this.

Dirty was in on that call when we started calling.

I have about Reggie in the fucking bathroom

wanting to spew shit all over the place.

Well, and then Jin called too last week, wasn't it?

And he was like, he got him going really good,

and then he brought in the Reggie shitting everywhere

right at the end.

Who was the manageress lady who kept answering them

after a while?

He was actually in the men's toilet.

Yeah, Jin tried to get him to go in the female toilet.

I told him they were in the men's.

Who's got this dozer?

This is one of those.

He's got me here going in there and checking.

Tell me your name's Reggie.

Hey, uh, how you doing? My family was calling earlier about my little cousin. His name is Reggie.

Reggie?

Yeah, have you found him? Because we're getting real worried. We're getting scared.

You're looking for Reggie?

Yeah, he's in the bathroom. But nobody's giving us the confirmation.

Here, one second. Hold on.

You see if he's in there taking a shit in the sink. He like to do that. Hello?

Yo, man, she's gonna go check, yo.

Reggie is really good.

Oh, Reggie. Whenever we look for Reggie, it means we're looking for crappy weed back in the day.

Do-do.

Speedy's saying that there's no echo going out in there.

That we're just hearing it.

Oh, yeah.

It's in your fucking mind.

Should we hang up and call back or let her look?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my balls itch.

That's fine.

I got a shave down there.

It's been a while, man.

I got trimmed.

I noticed that when we jacked off in the showers.

too much hair that's nice it helps out i don't know if she's coming back i've got well over here

without taking a shower so far without taking a shower sober is that no i'm breaking news here

from the lancet shows poppers are the second least addictive and third least harmful of 20

popular recreational drugs things are pretty safe apocalypse i'm not even answering okay anyway i

don't think that i how things gonna work now skype is telling me there's a problem with a call

oh boy uh the never-ending switchboard are we ready for that yeah well we still got more

numbers in the uk let's keep messing with them i'm not ready to go you guys if any

maybe maybe maybe do another re do a restart and then get the never-ending switchboard

so we talked to the kid from the never-ending story last night we talked to a trio

seriously you talked to that kid yeah well the one that yeah the like the little warrior kid

not the kid reading the book oh okay his name's just pray you ain't it just yeah man you know

what that's that i cried when the horse died man that was sad yeah the whole carnax or something

in the bog of sadness yeah that was sad i cried and i cried yeah but we we talked to that kid

last night oh really and we talked to we talked to the candy man yeah that well i'm trying to

think what other movies made me to cry like when old yeller when they had to shoot the dog that

i was sad oh no where i always hear sad but uh i've never seen it and uh but you know it's just

a fucking dog yeah what about uh bound when shadow gets caught in my mind oh jesus you

with the homeward bound again really really twice in two days fox

because i know you'd say something about it where the wet fur grows when the dog dies

yeah i kind of remember seeing that like on film at school and time but i don't really remember

much about it what are we talking about uh movies that made you cry when you were a kid like i

remember when uh the transformers movie the first space fucking film the the original transformers

cool runnings when they lost the original i did when i saw that the first time even as a kid

when they crossed that line i cried what the jamaican i thought it was beautiful i thought

Everybody started clapping.

It was fucking brilliant.

What about when, in the original cartoon animated Transformers movie, when Optimus Prime died, I cried for that.

I think I should have steered for Prime 2.

I saw that in the theater.

That death of Prime is quite a scene, man.

It was pretty wicked.

And it was right at the beginning, too.

You died early.

I was watching Free Willy, and that was an epic fucking movie.

I never saw it, really.

I recently, what the, there was something about a guy building a robot with a kid and, like, fighting, and I was really fucked up.

I had eaten some cookies.

Real steel.

And was watching it.

Yeah, yeah.

And I was like, oh, man, he fucking, look at the robot doing it.

The little robot's doing it.

And I started shedding tears, too.

I was so stupid.

You talk about it at the end when the robot was copying the guy and the fucking kid was looking like, oh, that's my dad.

I felt like such a fag afterwards, just whining about the stupid thing.

But I was, you know, again, I was a couple cookies deep.

And a lot of the Disney movies, like when, what was it, when Dumbo, when the mama elephant went nuts.

Yeah.

And what's the Dumbo came to hang out, you know, with the mom when she was all tied up.

That was sad.

What about when Bam and his mother got shot?

Yeah, when Bambi's mother got shot, yeah.

I like the trip-out scene in Demo with all the pink elephants coming in and acting crazy.

I heard that Reggie's fucking dad shot Bambi's mom.

Oh, that's fucked up.

Charlotte's web was sad when Charlotte died, that was sad.

I think I actually read that goddamn book, too.

Who's this?

David Cotton.

I got some butcher shop in the end, too.

Yeah, David Cotton, is he there?

hello wow hey way to way to get my shit like just talk to somebody and get hung up

hello yes hello david coon coon david coon he's actually called coon no it's cotton i was just

making a joke his wife was fucking like deep throwing the shit out of him when she entered

i was like really there's a guy called coon that that h-o-e-n is actually pronounced coon

oh okay here's ian anthony anybody want to call it i don't know it's funny but

hello hello this is mr anthony yes yeah this is mr westwood pardon this is mr westwood mr westwood

from where uh from the united states the greatest country in the world yes why are you calling uh

because you know my mom we know your mom yeah miss smith no i'm afraid not uh yeah is this is this

Is that 186 Hallington Valley in Hove?

Yes.

Is that how you pronounce it, Uwe?

We don't know, Mr. Smith.

Well, the thing is that she says that you knew her intimately.

No, I'm afraid not.

Sometime maybe in the 80s?

No, I'm sorry.

That you maybe had sex and then maybe I'm your son.

I think I want to call my dad back.

Yeah, we'll get him back.

Hey, guys, I've got to run.

I'm going to free up a little Skype bandwidth for you.

All right, see you, Baz.

Take care, man.

Bye.

Peace.

Rock on.

Yeah, it was Baz! Baz!

Fucking, he's gone.

I left him a message.

Now he's gone.

Doesn't matter.

Hello, we are not available now.

Please leave your name and phone number after the beep.

She's a liar.

What a proper little broad, but they are there.

We'll try again, don't worry.

After this, I want to talk to Brian Nellie.

Wow.

Stop tackling when Beth...

Hello, we are not...

Nope.

uh jimmy riddle 1515 on the youtube channel says a very helpful comment it says stupid well thank

you oh good maybe he's just trying to define himself i guess go fuck yourself who's stupid

me jen no he's stupid he's trying to define himself he's just making a point because it

says his name and then it says stupid that's why he's just trying to say he's stupid is that the

riddle it's his name jimmy riddle never ending stupid you know if somebody wants to take brian

i'll talk to brian with the d yeah yeah i'll talk to the guy whoever i can't see the sky but i'll

just talk to whoever brian draper i'll talk to him but uh jim can have brian a okay alderson okay

there we go i i shouldn't be giving out the last names i'm a stupid that's you you got a point

jimmy riddle gold star i don't even know who they are i'm just talking to them with mate and

Darling

Sugar tits works as well. I was gonna do something a minute ago and the idea

Morning morning morning. Did I get you up? Hello? Wow

You're gonna hit her with that lamp

lamp i'll bring in my lamp yeah morning mate how's it going thank you who's that it's jim

stewart i coined the term a front cut do you know what that is no idea this time in the morning

i'm explaining to you the term basically is the driver at the front of the queue that's you in

this example who is always driving meticulously you know very very slowly and everybody behind

behind him has to drive slowly as well and then it queues up for miles and miles and that's you

at the front and i coined the term front cunt because we can't get past you because of the

oncoming traffic and you know and you just just drive slowly like a dick you know like 50 and a

60 that sort of thing so you indeed sir you are a front cunt how do you feel about that quite happy

quite happy to be a front cunt the front the cunt at the front that's you the cunt on the front

that's you the front cunt and you're happy about that are you you tosser why would you drive so

So slowly.

Because I'll be driving at the legal speed limit.

No, not if you're driving 50 in a fucking 60 zone.

Are you stupid?

Yeah.

Yeah, I thought you were stupid.

Well, at least you've admitted that you're a front gun and you're stupid.

So what can I say?

You're a stupid front gun.

Okay.

All right.

Bye.

See you.

Front gun.

What are you talking about?

Fuck you, buddy.

What are you saying?

You said something.

Ooh.

All right, that's cool.

Hey, you know, guys, we forgot.

got um brad sent in a whole ton of i only did a few of these uh people that took their cars for

oil changes today at the wall let me talk to this brian uh d first sure these nuts

draper yeah we'll do it every time in the asshole yeah all right i'll do them again

watch the fucking chat the deez nuts made me laugh hello

Hello, sender, say, say.

Hello?

Brian Draper, please.

Hello?

Hello, Brian Draper, please.

No, I can't hear you because we're not here.

Leave a message.

Bye.

There you are.

Oh, you fucking slut.

You are a fucking bitch.

Oh, wow.

Still can't fit.

What a fucking slut.

That's a clever little bird.

I wonder how many fucking airy messages she gets because of that shit.

She got you good, dude.

Wow, that's fucked up.

She's good.

Hey, uh, Milkman, did you hear what Aaron said to make sure you're watching?

Yeah, you know.

Fucking A, dude.

Who the fuck was that person?

Yeah, it's Noggin.

What?

Is she getting wild in there?

Noggin is getting wild in there.

Thank you for saying that.

Oh, fuck him.

Jesus.

He's a shit.

Fucking Jesus bullshit.

Yeah, that's Foxzilla, K-Lion M, or whatever the hell it is you do.

Do that shit.

Yeah, shut that cunt up.

Kill that nigga.

Yeah, I thought this was a more secure fucking chat.

What the fuck, Dead Fox?

Oh, yeah.

Fox.

Sleeping at the wheel like Nunu used to do all the time. Come on. What did I miss? I've been rewinding. There you go. Good. All right

Cool. Well, I did. Did I miss something?

Oh, hell no. Leave him alone. I don't have to ban him.

My gosh, you guys.

He's nuts.

Yeah, fuck him in his Jesus bullshit.

Yeah, and he's harassing me all the time.

Don't be banning people for bullshit.

They ain't done nothing.

He's harassing me all the time.

I don't agree with that.

I did what Carlito said.

He's harassing me all the time. I'm telling you, Milkman. He needs to be back.

Oh, yeah? All right.

Well, then if he's fucking with the Armada, then fuck you.

There you go. See?

Milkman's easy this way.

Correct.

Hey, Milkman.

Hey, I got my bag.

Milkman, smoke some pot.

Why aren't you smoking weed tonight?

No, I just don't like banning people for no reason.

Jesus, there's nothing wrong with that.

Oh, I see. I could have banned it.

All I've got to do is unvoice them and moderate.

That's all you've got to do.

I don't want to fuck these kids who don't understand that.

Milkman, go smoke.

Oh, Thomas.

Thomas, are you there?

Eternal damnation awaits the un...

What?

Thomas, I want to know where I need to drop this shipment of porn off at.

Thomas, where do you want your porn, you son of a bitch?

Did you say porno fat? What did you say?

I want to know where to drop off the fucking porn.

Oh, sorry. What the fuck? Am I lagging or what?

Yeah, that was a call.

That was a call.

You said a shipment of porno fat

That's what I thought you said

Which sounds like the most awesome thing

That I want to just roll around

At porno fat

At one point we started calling the UK

And accusing them of having their credit card stolen

And we were going to fucking deliver a bunch of porn to them

And they're like

No no we didn't do that

And in the background I started going

Oh fuck yeah

And like Carlito or Dirty or someone

Was like yeah yeah that's a fucking tick right there

yeah i remember during the olympics uh fun call was to do the we were here to install the missiles

on your roof to guard the olympics yeah we're putting the port-a-johns in your fucking garden

and shit like well no it was missiles on the roof yeah there was a port-a-johns they didn't

want the missiles yeah and that wasn't there a train that we were gonna take over as people

houses to put a high-speed train or something through people's houses once there there was

definitely one where you're gonna put portageons like down in their yards and they were responsible

for going down and cleaning them like every so often yeah there you go oh to let people come in

and use the toilets too i think we said yeah milkman the reason why we got naganua because

he's he's been harassing me like calling me every all times of night and stuff and bothering people

and well i didn't know i didn't know that dude i got your back if it's true they fucking want

you man i got your back he's out he's sending viruses and everything and milkman it's lovely

talking to you i played you one time many years ago i know i heard that that shit was funny man

i always listen to you and i laugh because you kind of remind me you're mixed between

andy and like you know i'm gonna figure out another one or maybe like maybe like kind of

like your voice is like uh remember that guy uh who's the weed smoking dude we used to have

he's right in between the two of those voices and every time i hear i laugh because it kind

Reminds me between Andy and him.

There you go.

Yeah, but I always like, like when I just heard the name Milkman and that I was filling in for him, I just thought you were just some dummy.

But you sound like a cool cat.

He is cool.

Milkman is cool, man.

He's got a great history with this show and everything, you know, brought me up.

And his picture is awesome.

It's like a thing.

What is it?

It's like a phone.

Hello?

Hi, how you doing there?

Is this Michael Bleasdale?

Yeah, speaking.

Oh, good.

Hey, I was wondering, did you know how many labia a woman has?

She has the labia minora and the labia majora.

Okay.

That's like two labias, right?

But there's a pair of labias, so technically it's like four labias, right?

I'm just saying.

Think about it, guys.

Oddly enough, this is the second time today I've heard about four pussies.

I love pussy loves, man.

I want to kiss them.

Hello?

Hi.

Are you watching TV over there?

All

Alright, bye.

That was stupid on my end. Sorry, guys.

I like telling

them to turn the TV louder.

It makes them

seem classier.

Could you please turn your TV even louder?

And maybe have more children

screaming in the background.

It sounds like they're watching cartoons.

Need your horses

to exercise? Call me. She will do a number

of things for your horse, including bathing.

Oh, Jesus. Wow.

wow wow tell her ask her if you can wear a horse and she exercises she has she'd never gotten a

prank call like really i'm gonna exercise your horse she's never got like asked to wake up a

horse all right let's see this is an older number from ken they may not answer but we'll see brought

to you by motherless.com they don't have that you don't have the horse stuff on motherless anymore

don't they it's all gone no you can see on there yeah they uh they've been they've been censoring

you reach the cell phone of monica moraz please leave a message and i will call you back if

you're calling regarding one of my listings or house or sell leave the address how many

listens does this woman have houses for sale horses to masturbate geez he's all over i sent

one in about a lady that would exercise your horse and also bathe your horse that's the one

that might be a good one that's the one i just did dude oh i didn't know i was away from my

my headset that's cool no that's that one uh i'm gonna we'll see if any of these answer it is kind

of late and this is my fault my apologies to brad we did some of these earlier but as i said these

are people who took their car cars their vehicles in for oil vehicles yes their vehicles in for oil

changes at the worst place you can go because i know one person who took a car into for oil change

and they did not put oil back in the car yeah they put sand and semen yeah no seriously they

They changed the filter, drained the oil, and they're like, here you go.

And he drove up for a while.

I'll tell you a real funny joke, my brother.

Here you go.

When the engine locks up, call us.

You can tell you put the wrong oil in.

He said he saw a notice for someone to go ahead and do an oil change.

All they did was turn it back in, didn't change the oil, charged the customer, and fucking sent them on their way.

Wow.

Nice.

Well, here's one.

This person got tires, so I'm going to confuse it with oil change.

if they answer if the answer is understood hey hillock you like vicodins yes please send me some

hello yeah hi uh i'm calling from the tire and lube center is really yes is william there you

know it's almost fun yeah i know but we have a problem we made a mistake see we did an oil

change but we didn't replace the tires correctly and well we need you to pay for the oil change

Your mistake? 1 a.m.?

Well, we need to get this taken care of because if my manager finds out, I'm going to lose my job.

So you need to stop being a tough little missy.

No, you need to stop being the tough little mechanic that misplaced something and rewrote something on your little paperwork there.

Can you just put the man on the phone, please?

Are you understanding that it's almost 1 a.m.?

Can you still put the man on the phone?

And you know that by federal law, I can report you for breaking that law?

What law?

That you can't call people at 1 o'clock in the morning?

Is that a law?

You cannot.

You can't make a business call regarding a fucking fine or a payment after 9 p.m.

I'm not making a sales call.

By federal law.

You stole oil from this place because you didn't pay for it.

That makes no difference.

You are, in fact, requesting payment on a fine or a payment owed.

Yeah, this is car...

And you're breaking federal law.

This is stuff about cars.

It's 1 a.m.

You don't understand because you're a woman.

You don't understand.

Go get Jim right now.

He knows the code.

I know the code, too.

Go get Jim now, my lawyer.

You're a lawyer.

Yeah, sure, honey.

That's nice, honey.

You know it's 1 a.m., right?

That's nice, sweetie.

Can you put the man on the phone now?

Yeah, I will.

Hurry up.

and um by the way can i have your boss's name his name is jim stewart and you're not going to talk

to him because i don't want to what's the store number of the walmart that you're calling i don't

want to i don't want to get any trouble with you know okay here's my lawyer whatever he'll tell

you the code name okay honey you were violating the fair debt collections practices act this isn't

a debt we're not calling a collected debt i would have started the conversation saying this is an

attempt to collect a debt why the fuck are you calling my house at one o'clock in the morning

you dumb shit give me your supervisor now hey listen asshole all right if i don't get this

taken care of i'm gonna lose my job stupid shit all right wow oh my god

i guarantee you that's the lawyer i want all right jen you want to call back as a damn good

point she gets calls all the time because she's a white trash she picked up about her sleeping

with her lawyer that uh that's an awesome lawyer that's uh it's like a lawyer i had

damaged shirt you're in violation of the fair debt requestions

you don't even know what you're you don't even know what you're talking about shut your mouth

okay we're gonna come over there we're gonna take the money hello i am the boss i am the

fucking boss man tell that bitch to be quiet listen i'm the boss first of all you don't call

my home and talk to me that way second of all i want to know the name of the company that you're

calling from what is the name of the company you are calling from what are you stupid cunt

awesome well guess what what you're gonna get sued chicken butt how are you gonna sue me you

Fucking donkey Pratt. I hear your dumb little friends in the background. Yeah. Yeah, they if they're your parents

I'm Jin Stewart motherfucker, and I want my money. Well come get it. I'm coming. Don't worry. I'm coming and I'm gonna fuck your wife, too

I'm big Ken and I want your wife's mouth motherfucker. I'm gonna stick my tongue and I notice it's called being recorded by the way

I want to be a family.

Sorry.

Sorry to say the chicken butt.

That was funny, though.

Chicken butt.

You know what?

I had to fucking fire that off

and I said I wanted his fucking wife's name.

I reached down for my mute,

but I'm wearing this stupid

giant stupid headset

that doesn't have it on it.

That was awesome.

I know his fucking mute, man.

I click it and then I look up a minute later

and there it is, unclicked, man.

every fucking time well this doesn't have one even like it's uh this is sucks man yeah and i

end up making a sound on the air when i thought i had it muted bitch yeah i do the same thing i

have like an inline mute button and then i sit there thinking yeah it like double clicks on you

it's bullshit all right why don't we bring it back why don't we bring it back and then we can

I can apologize and just take it all

seriously. There you go. Alright, let's be serious

now. Okay, he's a lawyer. He can take it serious.

Yeah, let me talk to him.

I'm going to get serious and then I'm going to fucking

wind him up again. You should say something about him

sleeping with his client.

Wind up call.

Ask him about attorney.

It's a wind up call.

Tell him by

recording a call without your permission

is a violation of code 1137.

Double jeopardy. I won't say

anything stupid yet. I started off

tell him he's breaking rule 34 by thinking about you dirty he's it's busy now shit ah

fuck he's probably going to the police i didn't get to respond to you earlier there you go all

right all right we got our rattlers here colleen avery or av av oil change female answered let's

do it oh hey the uh the end wants to know if you want facebook cover um yeah send a few send it's

getting late but uh he's well he's messaged me he said he tried messages you i don't know i don't

know well i don't know much of anything do what now here we go uh death fox is gonna do this one

now death fox you're on man what's your name av yeah colleen just say hey man dude fuck get her

all wet hello yes i'm calling from the retirement situation spot and we had a problem are you there

Yes.

See, we had this new guy here, and we was switching around the barrels.

We accidentally put chicken grease from the food court into your car instead of oil.

I'm sorry.

We thought the barrel we was putting the oil from was the oil, but it was actually a barrel of chicken grease.

Uh-huh.

And I don't want it to fry your engine.

So what do we need to do?

um well you can bring it back and i could um take it out and put oil with that probably be a couple

of thousand dollars well do you want me to do that i can give you like a two percent discount

though because the trouble i think this is just a joke isn't it no it's not a joke how would i

call you no that's ridiculous yeah but i just found it out i have to call everybody i just

found it out dude you know it's like a better business practice situation that i have to call

and everybody informed them like you probably still have some oil like in the car that's why

it's running fine right now but once that chicken grease hits like the the tubes and everything it's

gonna kill your engine out so you probably got about five miles left on it or so how much have

you drove it uh hardly at all here i'll let you talk to my supervisor um carlito here he is hello

sir yes yes hi listen i'm sorry to inform you about this but uh we have a new associate here

named ken and he used to work in the food court area in the front of the store and he they had

told him to move the excess chicken grease from the fryers to the back and he thought they were

telling him to put it in the tire and lube center he just transferred to tire and lube from from

making the food what was that what's going on back there um what was i'm not going to continue

this conversation right now it's 1 a.m yeah but i i just i think this is just a joke we're not

And I'm going to call Walmart tomorrow morning and I'll talk to them about it.

Well, listen, we don't, all right, we're all going to, just about three of us are going to lose our jobs, you know, unless we can, oh, he's gone.

Wow.

E, that's a she.

Call the fucker back.

What the fuck are you trying to do, get me fired?

Here, hang on, I'll talk to you.

Did you hear me say fries?

Yeah.

Yeah, chicken grease fries.

All you got to do is mop it up with, sop it up with some biscuits.

That's what you should have told them.

That's what I'm talking about.

What are we going to do?

Get some biscuits?

Get some red drink?

We are not available now.

I like we.

I like how they're always we.

I caught that whole fry thing.

I started cracking up.

I need some cornbread.

I want fry origin.

I need some cornbread.

That's it.

Let me fix it real quick.

Anyway, all right.

Henry.

I like the whole Mads thing there.

That's why they're chasing your car around.

Yeah, I didn't say it or I said it.

I didn't do nothing.

that's why the brothers are chasing your car around

I'm already

I would have said

we're afraid for you

because black people might try to get your car

to cook chicken

you're just speaking like a good motherfucker

oh man the brothers

chasing your car around

alright who wants this next one here who is it

I forgot I'll try it alright cool

Henry Henry

bacon grease would be good too that would smell good

I'd be happy with that outcome

yeah it sounds awesome

This is Henry Ruelas. Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you.

I'll try him again.

Ruelas.

God bless him.

He's like such a fragile little man.

Brad Carter molests his own children. That's why calling the West horrible to say.

What would someone say to that?

Who the fuck is that guy?

Jesus Christ, dude. What the fuck is going on in the chat?

Jesus Christ.

What is going on in the chat? Let me have a look.

When you call old Chris there, I'd like to speak to him.

Did it call?

Uh, whoops, forgot to hit the button.

Button, button, who's got the button?

Stick around long enough, we might have a battle.

Remember when they said that in Alice in Wonderland?

That's it, toodle-dee-in.

Who's Colleen?

Hello?

This is Henry?

Yeah.

Hi, Henry, I'm the supervisor here at Tyron Lube.

Yeah?

I'm gonna put my associate, Dirty Aaron, on the phone, because I have a lot of shit to do.

Uh, Aaron, go ahead.

Hello?

Hello, this is Aaron?

Yeah, this is Henry.

Yeah, so, I'm sorry, who am I speaking with?

Is this Henry?

Yeah.

Okay, sorry.

We're calling out of a call center.

We've had an alert from the Tire Lube Express regarding your vehicle.

There's a safety concern.

Do you understand what I'm telling you?

You know what, dude?

You got to call me at what time?

Tell me this shit.

I'm sorry.

We received these alerts from the Lube Center regarding safety concerns

where we just get a computer-generated alert that there's something wrong with the transaction.

What's wrong with it?

Well, it seems that it says here that you just got an oil change and a tire rotation and some fried chicken.

Did you buy all that at the same time?

The what?

Did you buy an oil change, a tire rotation, a tire pump, and some speakers?

No, I just got the oil change.

Just the oil change?

Yeah.

All right, so we seem to have a problem with the oil filter on your vehicle.

Are you guys for real?

I'm absolutely for real. I'm a real person, sir.

Where are you out of?

I'm actually in Dallas in a call center.

Okay, why is this phone me?

Do you guys call from Nevada?

What?

Why is the phone coming in from Nevada?

702 number.

I'm not sure, sir.

I'm just calling from a call center.

The number comes out at the local switchboard.

Okay, are you guys for real?

Are you guys joking around with him?

I'm a real person.

I don't know what to tell you, sir.

I mean, there seems to be an alert with your oil filter.

Okay, so what am I supposed to do?

Get in tomorrow?

well it sounds like you better i mean i don't know have you seen any drips on the ground or

anything like that i don't know i haven't even looked at it all right do you think you want to

go out and look or is it too late no i'm not i'm not gonna go out right now okay because we've we've

talked to a few people and they've they've uh suffered the same consequence of there being no

oil in the engine okay i'll check it tomorrow morning because i go out okay well um what i

mean is it cold there or what's the temperature like outside it's very cold outside right now

oh that's terrible i'm sorry to be bothering you sir i mean we just you know want to make sure that

we're getting proper service you know you understand that's kind of an asshole yeah i

don't know i mean let me put you on hold one second can i put you on hold just for a second

and start to get my supervisor sure okay you're on hold okay oh carlos yeah is he being an asshole

to you yeah he's just talking a bunch of shit i don't know what his fucking problem is i try to

explain it to him he's a fucking dickhead you want me to talk to him because he sounds like

is a fucking dickhead yeah hold on go ahead transfer him okay hello hello sir henry dude

you guys are ridiculous are you there sir i'm going to transfer you to my supervisor hold on

yeah go yeah put the asshole through hello hello sir yes i'm i are you there are you speaking to

my associate aaron hello hey aaron the asshole isn't talking yeah fuck him did you fuck it up

fuck's happening hang up on his ass his motor can blow out he's gonna be good i think he

He believes you're ridiculous.

Do you know what time it is?

I don't care about no safety concerns.

I'm just picking up the phone at fucking 2 in the morning for no reason.

Because I got a lot to do in life.

I got a busy day of sleeping off hangover tomorrow.

Fuck you, I'm eating.

Talked to you about Carl's Jr.

Fuck you, I'm eating.

This is Henry Luella to leave a message.

I don't know why you're obsessed with that.

I saw you posted it on Facebook and everything.

It's fucking hilarious.

I kept repeating it at work the other night,

and that's when I posted it.

I got a lot of shit today.

I got a lot of shit.

Let me talk to old Chris here.

Chris, all right, you got it, man.

Chris Z.

I can't believe these guys are answering.

It's crazy.

It's awesome, actually.

I think they want to do some space docking. That's why that's probably the space docking

Yeah, but that's what you should get him. Tell him that you had a space docking problem with their oil filter

Stalking if you don't have a female

Use a mouth. I think that there's a different

Penises it's called black calling you guys are sick. I bet you'll try it soon. No, believe me

It's bad when it's German.

You've reached Christine Zanino.

Leave me a message and I'll return your call as soon as I can.

Thank you.

Oh, it's Christine.

I'll let you wear my hoodie.

Fuck this.

This is going to be like...

This fucker don't give this bitch don't answer.

Hello?

Hello, Christine.

Yep.

Hi, this is John from Lou Van Associates.

You brought your car in today to have the oil change done?

Hello?

Hey, yeah?

Yes.

We just got an alert today on our computer system that there is an issue with your oil filter today.

And we need you to go ahead and bring that in tomorrow so we can change that out for you.

You got an alert that what? Which one?

On our computer system, there was a problem with your oil filter.

There was an issue with our docking system.

Uh-huh.

So what was happening is the oil filter wasn't docking with your car on the bottom issue.

Uh-huh. Okay. So I'll bring it in.

Well, yeah, I would appreciate if you would bring it in, because we had this guy out here who was our tech.

His name's Reggie.

He was out there, and I really hate to tell you this, because you might have a lawsuit in hand,

but he was out there smoking, and the drum of oil he was supposed to use, he didn't use it.

He used a drum of fucking chicken fat and pumped it into your engine.

Why are you calling at 1 in the morning?

I'm trying to save my job and Reggie's job.

That's why I'm calling.

I'm calling on my own cell phone, on my own time.

I'm not even at work.

I'm trying to save my job.

And where would he get a drum of chicken fat?

From the food court.

They told this guy named Ken, he was sitting there working in the food court.

He was supposed to drain it out into an oil, into a fucking drum.

And he was supposed to move it outside of the Walmart.

But instead he took it and put it inside the oil and lube center.

And so when Reggie...

What's your name again?

My name's John.

And you were working with him today?

I'm the manager, okay?

I work inside, Reggie works outside.

He works over in the bays, he changes all the oil.

I mean, it's out of control.

But why don't you call me at 1 in the morning?

I told you, I'm trying to save my job.

1 in the morning?

Hey, my job is very important.

Yeah, okay, all right, well, I'll take care of it.

I'm not trying to lose my job or anything.

If you want to talk to Reggie, I can get him on the phone right now.

He can explain everything that happened.

Hello, ma'am.

Hi, I'm sorry, this is Reggie.

um look what happened was i accidentally pumped instead of pumping the oil i pumped the chicken

grease chicken fat from the food court into your car and we're gonna lose our job if you report it

so we were wondering like if you could come tomorrow morning to like my house in my garage

and i can yeah right like i'm really gonna do that i've got all my own tools and okay gentlemen

good night i'm gonna buy a case of pens oil and it's good oil it's better than what they have

It's just gonna cost us our job.

Come on, please. We'll give you 50 bucks

for your trouble.

That's the end of that chapter.

That's it. Pennzoil.

It was really convincing, like

for the beginning.

The end wasn't convincing.

Trying to save a goddamn job.

The end wasn't convincing. Thanks a lot, Jen.

Here's Sarah.

Big Sarah.

I'll do Sarah.

God damn job, and then what's happening?

I'll do Sarah.

Alright, do her.

Mmm, I will do it. Why don't you tell her like you saw her earlier at the Walmart and now you want to get to know her?

Cause her dude might have a problem up there.

I'm gonna pick up for a second cause I gotta piss.

I'll jump back up.

Where is Dozer? What happened to him?

He's there. I'm still here.

Dozer, you're my manager.

Alright.

You've reached Iowa Hall. Leave your name and information and I'll get back to you.

You've reached Iowa Hall?

Wow, what a bitch.

Alright, uh, who's the next one? Tim?

Has Dozer did one yet?

Not really.

He can be nice.

Will he get tires?

His name's Tim, right?

Yeah, Tim.

Yeah, I'll be at oil change.

All right.

Oil change for Tim.

Thanks again to Brad for sending this in.

Good old Brad.

He loves me, man.

Hello, you've reached the voicemail of Tim Piantadosi.

After the tone, please leave a message.

Thank you.

No shit, is that what you do?

I'll try him again.

No, seriously.

Hello?

Hey, what's up, man?

You got your oil change today up at the right?

This Tim?

Yes, sir.

Yeah, this Reggie, man.

I work up there.

We got this new guy, and his name is Ken.

He came from the cafeteria department, you know, where they make all the food and stuff.

And he accidentally switched the oil container.

We just found this out right now.

We're actually still here.

And he accidentally switched out the oil container with the great drink that they put in the slushie.

And that's what's in your car.

And, I mean, it's going to run for a little bit on the oil that's in there.

But, I mean, not for too long, my dude.

Then it's going to turn into, you know, a bunch of sticky, goopy mess and stuff.

So I'm going to need y'all to come to my house in the morning.

I got some pencils over there.

I'm going to change it for you there for free, man.

Me and Ken are going to be there.

We can do it in 15 minutes.

It's going to be quick.

Tim.

Well, my wife has the car, and she's got a little trip, but she's not down here.

What'd you say?

My wife's out of town with the car right now.

Was she driving the car on a bunch of grape drink?

I mean, that's what's circulating through the veins of the car and everything.

dang i mean that's that's straight that's straight purple in there and

shit i mean that ain't oil that's like candy

that's like slushy mix i mean you bring the car well when i when

i looked at the dipstick uh it didn't look like there wasn't oil

in there and you're calling me at one in the morning who is this

you didn't this reggie man this reggie i'm calling off my cell phone

i'm with ken at my house we just found this out we work at the we did the oil

channel of your car but the reason it wasn't purple is

because i mean the regular oil still in there you ain't gonna see that yet it

It takes a while to circulate, you know, needs to circulate and stuff, pressurize.

Okay, well, I'm going to have to, when she gets back in town tomorrow, I'm going to have to go over to her and have a look at her.

No, no, no, no, no, you come to my house.

Here, talk to Ken, man.

Talk to Ken real quick.

He's going to give you the directions and everything.

Real quick, hold on.

I'm not coming to anybody's house.

Hello?

Come on over, man.

We're going to change that oil for you.

We're going to get that slushy shit out of there for you.

I'm not coming over to anybody's house.

I don't know.

and you're calling me at 1 in the morning, okay?

You know me, man.

Come on, don't play games.

Okay, have a good night.

You got insurance?

I will have a good night.

Bring that wife's ass over here.

What?

Wife's ass over here?

Who's the guy who did the accent?

Who is that?

Dozer.

Because I'm not in front of the computer.

Dozer, yeah, that's really good.

You know you sound like really similar to Snoop Dogg.

Yeah, he kind of does.

Dozer really does have a good black accent.

Yeah, yeah, he does.

You could get away by saying you're Snoop Dogg.

I reckon you could call somebody up and say,

don't you recognize it? I'm Snoop Dogg and all this.

You reckon?

It's awesome. That's hillbilly

fucking English right there. You said

reckon. That's funny.

Yeah.

I agree, man. It's tight, man. It's tight.

It's like, my dude, you can't drive around with.

It's brilliant.

It is.

It's not an act.

Don't call him out on it.

He's the only black man on that call

Leave him alone

Definitely stand in for Great Scott

You should show him what you look like

What the fuck is that snack's name?

Ralph Fillerizano

Yeah, isn't that a weird name?

Ralph Fillerizano

Wow, what is kind of

A-M

Fillerizano

A-M-M-R-A-L-F

Is that the next one or is Eric

Did we just do Eric?

No, we didn't do Eric yet

We still got one, two, three

We still got a bunch of those

But before we continue those

Let me see what else we might have gotten from Lonesome here

I think we just got UK numbers

I think we're done with those for the night, right?

You got a hotel with the switchboard, too.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, when you want that number.

Oh, yeah, the infinite is still waiting.

I memorized that number.

That's always fun.

Yeah, just type it in there again so I don't have to look it back up.

All right, let me look at request a prank real quick just in case.

Is there anything in there that we should get to?

Somebody keeps talking about it.

He said it like a thousand times.

He wants Dozer to call this house place that he requested pranked,

and he wants him to say something.

It's like a live-in place for people that you know get released from just like when him halfway houses or something. Oh, yeah

Yeah, rats with the state-run facility

Maybe maybe just some kind of threat

Yeah, right I want to call a record label with this guy and fucking just tell him your snoop and

Deal my dude. Yeah, we call sugar. It's fucking brilliant. Come on. That's so good. Wow

Wow.

Thanks, Jen.

Poop Stag says,

Death Fox, fire him.

He sucks.

He's not funny.

His voice is obnoxious.

There you go.

That's the guy that was harassing me

all during my show last night.

Aw.

Shit just got real.

Who is harassing you?

Hey, did you guys see this,

the thing I put in the chat earlier?

It's fakenamegenerator.com.

No, fakenamegenerator.

You remember?

Yeah, so it's crazy.

Like, you can put,

it gets like a name,

an address,

a phone number,

an email address,

address uh a fake mastercard number all kinds of shit oh shit really get crazy because the end

you was asking who that guy was it's that same guy from last night you remember him don't you

hello yeah the dickhead yeah yeah fuck that guy fuck him in his stupid ass and his goddamn

aborted children fuck them all wow are you funny are you talking about mr funny mr funny he watched

the whole show yeah mr. funny yeah like that and I don't have to say oh my god

there we go I fixed it Danimal says in a number for a hooker named Jasmine that

looks like a tranny okay what else do we got here oh is that the tranny is that

like is that like tits and dick yeah that kind of thing that's what you like

gin no problem loving trainees i did too it's it's very odd it's very odd where i see uh

on my skype list that bailey jay's on there and i'm like why is bailey jay on my skype list i

don't remember adding her uh but she pops up that she's online and i always want to call her

or him whatever it is all right well the animal i don't know why you're telling me that i'm really

not into that kind of thing but yeah uh yeah you are you're german you're a shit eater right yeah

scheisse come on you like scheisse no you gotta have some doom all right listen uh danimal sent

in a few numbers he's the one that sent it it's it's a christian men's sober house uh i don't

think i mean all right dozer you want to do that just be careful with it i'm sure you'll be all

right the sober house so if it's christian that means it's not state run yeah it's not state run

yeah it's in vancouver washington i'll say i'm in the alley around the block ah that's hardly

that's hardly even the u.s yeah right that's like canada that's like half an hour from me

the shit they give it up give it out just making it easy to get the docs on you oh no you already

got my docs i bet no

I don't think I ever mailed you anything.

Oh, that's right, one more time.

Didn't work.

He also sent in a number here that looks promising.

A lesbian looking for a roommate.

Wow, the N's is fucking...

Jesus Christ, are you vomiting out these numbers?

Yeah, the N must be...

N's doing his thing.

Hey, baby, how are you doing?

This is Tatiana.

I think you got your own number.

No, no, no, you're looking for a roommate, right?

Yeah, it's a men's home.

Oh, right. Yeah, my bad. Um, that was my girlfriend. Uh, we opened the alley around the block. I'm trying to get sober, man

Good luck. No, no, no, no, no, no. Hello. Ah, oops. Sorry. I thought the mental didn't work. Yeah

Wow that uh

The shift of voices was uh, very admirable

Holy shit from fucking from pseudo tranny to ghetto real quick

That was awesome.

Snoop Dogg.

Yeah, here's a lesbian now.

Sorry.

My bad.

I ruined that one.

Sorry, Danimal.

Ooh, fantastic.

This is our ringtone brought to you by, hey, then, what's your website?

Yeah, leave me a message and I'll call you back.

Oh, she sounds like a hot lesbian.

Then, then, what's your site?

Afterthetone.org.

Okay, good.

All right, the end.

So you sent the numbers off of Facebook.

People posting their phone numbers on Facebook.

book yep that's because they're big dummies i'm going to go backwards here victoria lewis

whoever wants you've got to you've got to go backwards for a fucking goddamn mile

he like spilled a billion on that i can't do these all i'm going to do a few of them a handful

victoria lewis here whoever wants to text me my new number is this where is she in the uk or the

the u.s no that's the u.s is this what brad winfield or we already called him all right

victoria jesus he had a lot yeah is this victoria yeah hi you put on facebook that you wanted people

to call and text you yeah oh hi hi i wanted to see if you wanted to be my friend what i live in

a halfway house and i just wanted to make some friends in town i'm new here do you like to party

Like, what do you like to do?

They let me out of the halfway house every weekend on Sunday, just for Sunday.

Maybe you want to go out for ice cream tomorrow.

What?

I don't even know you.

Yeah, but you put on Facebook for everyone to call you and text you on your new phone number, your new number.

What?

Well, you said to call you people, and I'm here.

I'm here at the halfway house.

She said whoever, specifically.

Fucking call that, call that, come back.

All right, let's all talk.

I bet Victoria takes it like a high one.

She sounds really nice.

Five in a pink, five in a...

She sounds like a piece of shit.

Oh, she sounds hot.

Nice name, too.

Hey, Victoria.

You dirty little fucking bitch.

Why did you fucking make my friend cry?

Vicky, ignore my friends.

If you don't want to go out with them, you can go out with me.

I'll come all the way over there, and you can go out with me.

Oh, my God.

I'm a nice-looking guy.

Come on, I got six-pack and everything.

I'm, like, less than 10% body fat.

He's got a lamp and everything, for Christ's sake.

He's got a lamp and everything.

Carlito, your forearm is big as it rams my thigh.

I got a speculum.

You got a bow and arrow, bitch.

If it was you guys fucking ruining it for me, I could have got laid.

You gotta see the forearms on this guy.

Yeah, right.

I'm sorry, but the person you called is a fake mailbox that has not been set up yet.

What does it hit here?

Is it zero?

Oh, wait.

Bye.

I think it needs to be set up.

Yeah.

What did he do?

Star?

Is it star?

It didn't seem like one that allowed you to get into it, though.

Ah, well, fuck it.

They're there.

They're doing that.

And now that you're broadcasting, it's not good to talk about it.

Yeah.

All right, David Pope.

Cell phone messed up for a couple days.

My new number is this.

Thanks.

All right, good.

Let's get Mr. Pope.

Hi, buddy.

Stroker.

Let me talk to you.

All right, you got it.

Fuck you, David.

How you doing, Mr. Pope?

All right.

Fuck yeah, that's fantastic.

I saw you on Facebook.

You told me to message you, you son of a bitch.

Oh, you know who. Open your mouth and I'll show you.

I'm friends with Steve, you cocksucker.

Don't threaten me like that, you little bitch.

You know where I am, man. Come get it.

How hard is it to keep a serious face while you're saying that shit, dude?

Yeah, I'm gonna come get you.

you the mailbox is full and cannot accept any messages at this time oh the mailbox it's david

is full oh yeah yeah and we got a text box by the way just to let you know i just got a text

back here from victoria asking who the fuck is this

that's disgusting

What the hell?

Whoa.

Damn, don't shit on the microphone.

Oh.

Yeah, it's you.

Yeah, hey, it's me! Vicky!

Vicky!

I don't know you.

It's Jin. Come on, you know who I am. It's Jin Stewart.

Y-you can add me on Facebook. I've got the rabbit.

Hello.

Vicky!

Hello.

Hi! You gonna add me on Facebook or not?

Vicky!

She's gone, she's gone, she's gone.

She told me that Jin was a big cock.

Maybe she's shy.

Yeah, she's interested. She just likes to text, that's it. I'll hook you up with her phone number, Jin. You guys can meet up.

Alright, great. Yeah, thanks man.

Alright.

I'm not going to do a show today, though.

Oh, well, sorry.

Sun Joo Jung, who I'm going to...

You should just really call this broad.

Try to get her to pay her way over here.

There you go.

That's what I'm saying, Jen.

I'm trying to hook you up.

Yeah, you should...

I will, now I'm...

You should have sex.

I'm trying to get that over the prank call.

I want to do it.

You can get it in.

How would you do an orgasm?

I found so many...

I got pretty close, actually.

We had one call that I must have done like a year or a year and a half ago.

and it was really really close

I nearly actually went over there

it was here in London

I have people

that started

with the prank that I still

talk to on Facebook

I'm sorry but the person you called

mouth is full

alright Deathfox

it's time for that

what is it the hotel that rings forever

the infinite switchboard

alright we're not going to do it for too long

we're way quick

The 1700 Club.

Yeah, the post set.

What do you guys call the 1700 Club?

What's that?

I don't know, because it doesn't even make sense.

It's the last four digits of the number, and we'll play the name of it or nothing.

Way to keep it secret as you're broadcasting it, saying that it's fucking the last four digits of the phone number.

All right, well, send it in.

1700 Club.

Yeah, Dozer, top it out.

Hold on.

He knows about horror.

Come on, Dozer.

And what you said, what units is it?

300 through what is it?

Like 330s.

Yeah, do the 30s of all the floors.

There's 400 floors.

Well, 400 is...

Wait, wait.

That's the wrong number.

Hold on.

There's 400 floors.

Yeah.

That must be the tallest building in the world.

Yeah, you did that last week, actually.

You said the same thing.

You said 400 floors.

Yeah, I don't want to say that.

Shut this bitch down.

Because you ain't had a pulse of pills, man.

I haven't did that in a month.

You're doing pills too, dude?

Come on, man.

I'm worried about you, my dude.

I haven't did that in a month.

He's exaggerating.

I'm waiting for the next subscription to come in because you owe me five, buddy.

If you're here when I do and you remind me that day.

I will.

Wait a minute.

Subscription or fucking prescription?

I like saying subscription.

Subscription.

Okay, guys, relax.

Let's do this.

Zola are setting me up asking for still on. Yes, we are everybody. Take it. Do you bring Zola?

One moment, please

She just said help Jen she sent you hello like why do you keep calling me tell her because I want a fucking

fucking boner no don't say that yeah hey you want it you want a green i want to get to know you

you want a pretty wife in america he went and says yeah i need an american counterpart

all right zolar you are you are both two pieces of a puzzle that was a nice like uh thing you did

at the beginning of the show card what did i do zolar's here zolar what's up dude hey zolar what's

What's up, man?

He must be getting his mic ready or something.

God damn, Zolar!

But I legitimately liked being in the show.

When you were setting well wishes, that was very nice.

Oh, well, thank you.

And I was very nervous.

I was hoping I wasn't the cunt that was talking about dialysis yesterday.

That was really fucked up.

Whoever said that?

Well, I was hoping it wasn't me, but I'm like,

Like, that's a big word for me to say, and I don't think I would direct it in your direction.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

This is room 333.

Yeah.

Oh, good.

This is the front desk.

We're getting reports of loud noises over there.

The television is too loud.

No, my room.

I don't even have a television.

You don't have a television in there?

I mean, a couple guys are here already.

There were a couple guys in there.

Were you guys masturbating together or something?

There was a report that there was, like, loud noises.

I didn't go out there.

I don't know.

I didn't go out there.

There was a couple guys.

I didn't go out there.

I'm here by myself.

oh can you speak up a little bit sir yes okay now you're not supposed to have any more men than

they're supposed to be signed up like if they're not i'm not in the room i'm here by myself i'm

in the wrong you called the wrong room well you said there were other men in there before right

uh-huh and you know outside the front door outside the front did you let them in to touch you and

kiss you and look at you no i didn't go to the door i'm free this three o'clock in the morning

yeah i know my dude but what i'm trying to say is you're not supposed to be having sex in the

room with men like that what are you talking about sir sex with men you know anal sex

what are you talking about my dude my dude my dude let me talk try to get them to all bring

their phones down in the front desk i want to try to do the colored rooms only thing again

that was kind of hello thank you for calling the motel is about one now did you say colored rooms

last week i was what's the room number uh three three four i was telling black people last week

that they were in white's room only white only rooms and they got a crime for the win

brought to you by after the tone.org i want people going down to the front desk with their

phone saying he said there's a problem this thing just yanking the phone out of the wall and

everything yeah or or just say one moment please the whole phone or the handset was the gimmick i

was working on because the phone might be hardwired to the law hello but probably it hello

yes room 335 this is the front desk yeah yeah listen uh we seem to have a problem we booked

you in a whites only room and the whole in the whites only room we booked you inside the whites

only room a white only room yeah yeah we're gonna have to move you to the fourth floor uh that's for

the coloreds colored uh colored floor yeah yeah can you come down to the front desk we'll give

if you knew a key to the correct floor you and have you used that bathroom that's a whites only

bathroom also we're going to have to disinfect it if you used it at all hello hello yes and who is

this uh this is cross i'm with the front desk is it okay right no no no seriously the third floor

is whites only you're not supposed to be there we had a complaint there was some uh some white

people said that they saw a colored person in this floor and they complained and you know normally

Normally we'd let it slide, but it's, you know, it's against, you know, the hotel rules.

We really would like to move you to the fourth floor.

We don't want to make a big, you know, we don't want a big problem with you people.

Hello?

Yeah.

Hi.

Hey, what's up?

Yeah, hi.

I'm from the front desk.

We have a problem.

This is a whites-only floor.

You're in a white people-only room.

So we need to move you to the fourth floor.

That's for the colored section, colored people, colored rooms and colored restrooms are there.

and uh the the uh colored uh water fountains are there also that you can use okay um come on up

come on up and uh come on yeah yeah that's fine come on up no we need you to come down and okay

if you can pack your stuff back up and come down and we'll give you a new key and we're going to

move you to the colored floor yeah come on come on buddy come on did you use the bathroom because

we're going to disinfect a negro out of it yeah uh yeah i'll piss on your face come on up did

Did you shit in the toilet at all?

Yeah, yeah.

And also, fuck your wife.

That's not nice to say, sir.

That's a crime to sleep with a...

Yeah, I'll fuck her again if you need me to.

Yeah, well, you know, that's a hangable offense for sleeping with a white woman.

Yeah, it's a federal offense on how to suck my dick the way she did, too.

Like, it's like, almost like, you know, man, like a brown cherry going in her mouth.

I'm thinking about that right now.

Yeah, me too.

Oh, my God.

It's like a federal offense the way she, uh, kind of like kissed these golden brown crispy nuts.

I might want to see that.

Yeah, you can see her. She's right here.

Yeah, would you hawk over and take a big shit on her?

Sure, I'll snapshot these nuts right to you.

Would you slap your dick on her face?

No. You like dragons?

No.

You don't?

No.

Then I'm just going to drag these nuts right across her face.

Wow. I'm going to put my colored representative...

Yeah, it's going to leave like shit marks on her face.

Hey, excuse me, sir. Excuse me, sir.

Hey, shut the fuck up, Nick.

Hey, listen, man, you're giving all of us a bad name by talking like that, my dude.

What the hell is wrong with y'all, man?

If y'all would just come down to the front desk and we could just solve this right now.

But y'all got to go ahead and give us a bad name like that.

That ain't even cool, man.

You're giving me a bad name, too.

You can meet something if you want to come up here.

Sure, it's fine.

Oh, trust me, man.

They ain't going to come up.

I'm going to come up.

I'm the color representative.

I have to deal with you, not them.

How about this?

How about what?

Don't threaten me, motherfucker. How about you come down here?

Stop being a coward and come the fuck down here.

You all big on the phone and shit.

And with the hill.

Yeah, with the hill.

I'm on my way down there, buddy.

All right, come down, man.

Me and Big Ken gonna be waiting for you, man.

Me and Big Ken.

Ken's right here if you want to talk to him.

We both will probably go and hit you with the remote or something.

We gonna throw some paper clips at you, some 8x10 sheets of paper.

We gonna mess with you.

Talk to Ken.

Tell that nigga I'm gonna fuckin' take his fuckin' food stamp from him and cut his throat with it.

And we gonna take your stolen iPhone back to the person who rightfully owns it, cause I know you ain't payin' that bill.

You right.

Yeah, I know I'm right.

I don't have to pay it. Your girl keep suckin' dick, so I don't- why should I let up?

Why should I pay my bill when she gonna keep on suckin' my nuts?

When you was in the bathroom, your girl was suckin' my dick. And your mama.

Your still down here.

Well, why I'm talkin' to you, my dick ain't pussy.

Your mama, you talkin' to me, she can't-

What's the shit? You got a dick and a pussy?

Yeah, my dick is in the pussy, but you know what, it's not my girl, it's all of yours.

Probably what? You ain't even making sense. I think you some type of faggot.

I'm gonna have to transfer you to the homosexual representative.

You know what, you sound like a bitch.

I'm gonna have to transfer you to the homosexual representative next because you ain't being cooperative.

This ain't Lady Readease, nigga, you sound like a bitch.

Hey listen, I'm just doing what Master tell me to do, man.

I fucking rubbed my dick out of his fucking remote control.

I bet he said shit.

I just told him there was a remote control in my hand.

The only remote that you ever controlled was you beating off.

That's the only thing you've ever controlled in your life.

Shit.

The only remote control I ever controlled was that nigga that had to pick up my car.

He got your hand to your dick.

Hey, Frodo.

Frodo, come downstairs.

For real?

Come knock on my door.

Come knock on your door.

Stop being a bitch and get the fuck out of bed.

Hey, yo, my dick ain't pussy, yo, but it's nothing.

I got some for you.

I tell you what, bro, give me a safety, and I tell you what, I come downstairs, and you

can tell me where to run, my man, I'll come downstairs.

Come on down here, Crispy Nuts, I'm going to fucking beat you with a fucking remote

control.

I'll beat you with a remote control.

Shut up, bitch.

Man, tell me where to run, my man, and I'll come downstairs.

Listen, man, listen.

Listen, listen, man, I ain't your man, man, fuck my dick.

You want you and your mother to move out of my fucking house by Monday, you speak.

Man, look, that's what a phone gang is.

Don't want to be the full phone nigga.

I'll let you niggas off the door, nigga.

Other than that, man, y'all can both eat.

And lick sex, man.

No white word about none of you niggas, man.

First off, y'all some bitches, niggas, even calling this phone.

We don't accept numbers.

It's 334 at this hotel, you'll be a cocksucker.

I just want to, nigga, you let me know what, nigga, if you tough like that, nigga,

you tell me, nigga, where my man, and then, nigga, I'll get with you, man.

But other than that, man, y'all can both suck my dick.

We don't accept your defense, sir.

You can't even work with me, people.

Asianic, motherfucker.

Asianic, bitch.

Come on

That was funny someone else someone was calling in uh, hang on let me i'm looking at the list of numbers

He got really fired up

at the end got pretty pissed

I can't believe how much that sounds like Snoop Dogg

it's fucking crazy

someone's calling in maybe they'll leave a voicemail

I don't know maybe it's a cop

maybe it's the Walmart upset

who knows anymore man

okay

it's the lawyer man

the lawyer is calling in

that guy said I'm not a good lawyer

alright my nigga

all I heard was my nigga my nigga

At the end there, that's all he was saying

Come on my nigga. Are you punk nigga?

You white boys black boys white boys boy. Oh, that was room 335 actually

One moment, please

Hello, hello, good evening. Hello. Hello

Where'd my man Zola go?

He hung up for a little bit, and he hung up.

Oh, okay.

He listened for a little bit.

Hello, thank you for calling the Met Office of Baltimore, Maryland.

If you know your party's room number, you may dial it now.

One moment, please.

How far to the front desk?

With the echo, it sounds like nigger party's phone number.

Is it echoing again?