Just Two Pairs

I'm not playing no fucking games, man.

I, I fuck you, son of a bitch.

You're taking a stupid crap.

You're acting mad.

You ain't getting no goddamn dollars.

I'll fuck you all my life long.

You're my perfect.

Why don't you piss off?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

Hey, fuckers.

Fuckers.

Good evening, it's Madhouse Radio.

On our new night.

Our new fucking night.

Our new fucking night, Sunday night.

I am Carlito, the host of the show.

We are here making a show.

We are here making a show tonight.

Thank you all for joining.

We'll be taking your prank call requests all night.

Send those over at madhouselive.com.

Shit, you know, talking, shooting the breeze, shooting the shit,

jerking off under the table, and you guys don't know

because the camera only goes as far as my chest.

You guys don't know what I'm doing under the table.

Feels good, man.

It feels real good.

I hope you all are having a great weekend or have had a great weekend.

And I guess I can't say I hope you're all having a great weekend anymore

since we're not at a Saturday show anymore.

It sucks.

How are you?

Sensitive.

Sounds good, man.

I'm very sensitive.

I'll have everyone know.

Quote.

Very sensitive.

Uh-huh.

Oh, God.

All right, good.

Well, fuck.

Don't be too sensitive.

Don't be hard on yourself.

Milkman, you got work to do tonight, so you got to leave and come back

and leave again and come back again or something?

Yes, and let me ask you something.

Have you switched audio sources possibly unknowingly to the cam mic

because you sound like you're in proximity mic.

You've got a little bit of distance reverb, like you're not very close.

I'm getting a lot of room dynamics.

That always happens when I start the show.

What about now?

Oh, okay.

Okay, now you're direct.

Now you're direct.

Yeah, you've got the field pointing at your voice.

That sounds much better.

I don't know why.

I heard your audio, though, on the stream.

It sounded pretty good.

it was very clear and quiet man i could hear a car sound like your phone was on off everything

man you like your cigar everything thanks man well yeah man you're you're you're quiet level

is very quiet that's what i was getting at there's no hiss or anything man so you got real

good reference there yes i like sometimes i just like the hiss like i'll be on public and i start

i start going like to people that was the cool thing is your mic is sensitive enough you don't

even have to get into hiss level i can still hear it even a couple people in the chat were

hearing it it's pretty cool man yeah like so if you'd have farted real loud people would have

thought there might have been an earthquake or something there okay all right cool um i don't

know these we got a busy chat room tonight man it's looking good what's up going on hey it's

loaded up dude yeah i just i love i love sitting here watching the comments during the show

sometimes i get distracted i love this shit i do too well you know what i was noticing dude

the chat is being run very very nicely man i mean you know i actually just done very good man i

I like to thank everybody involved with the chat.

Basically, everybody in the room.

And I want to give a big high five to our resident guru, Mr. The N, The N, and Mr. Carlito Hermanito

for hitting us up with some killer, killer chat action, man.

Let's all have some fun.

You know what?

We want to play some freaking games.

It's fun and games now, baby.

We ain't playing no games.

All right.

I'm getting the word that the audio on the Shellcast stream is fucked.

I think I just fixed it, too.

Okay.

I had to get away from the

shoutcast audio for a second.

It's truly fixed now.

I'm not going mobile.

Oh, Artie. What's up, horse?

I tried to call you, you know,

and you don't answer the phone.

I put the phone in the car.

Did you really, or are you just saying that?

Artie, Artie, farty, smarty, Artie.

Okay. All right, man. That's how you eat it.

I'm going to call you in. Milkman's going to leave

in a little bit here.

Okay. All right.

Artie, Artie, farty, smarty.

All right, I'll be calling you from Skype then.

Bye.

Already hearing a little bit.

I forgot to tell him to fix his shit, his fucking ears, his fucking microphone shit, you know, before I put him on.

That isn't going to be loud.

Party, party, party smarty.

Where's he at, man?

He's still back in Florida?

Yeah, he's still there.

Yeah, tell him he's going to have to get rid of the skanks, man, and focus for a few minutes.

And then, you know, he can go back to skank busting.

That kid never gets rid of the skanks

The stinky pussy girls

The girls that want to have three sons with their husbands

And they trick them

You walk around smelling like steel

Five days of Uber to do

People kind of get ideas about you

So what you gotta leave

You said you gotta record a show

What do you mean you gotta record a show

Hey Artie don't remember the phone thing

Don't talk right into the mic

Cause you're too loud man

Oh I just got an Evo

You got an Evo

Yeah.

Which one?

It's called the Evo Design.

I got it on Boost.

Evo Design.

I never heard of that one, man.

It's weak, dude.

It's okay, dude, but it's like it was the in-between Evo 1 after Evo 3D

to keep people interested in Evo before the Evo LTE came out.

It's okay.

It's crackable.

It's like gingerbread.

Is it gingerbread still already?

I'm not sure, actually.

It's decent.

It's probably iced ice.

I'm happy with it.

You got to have ice cream sandwich on it, you know.

That'd be my guess.

I don't think they can.

They're not releasing any flows of gingerbread anymore, right?

At least.

No, dude.

Design, they're not making them no more.

They haven't made them for a while, dude.

Since before.

I'll say it, but I keep ignoring it.

Why, man?

Update that shit.

You'll probably get jelly bean.

It'll run a lot faster.

Jelly bean saves a lot of battery, too, man.

You can run jelly bean.

Okay.

Let me give you some advice before you consider updating.

You better research.

because when i upgraded my evo okay yeah it did help but it bogged that fucking thing down to a

crawl so now it's just my workhorse basically if i'm in a hurry i don't even pick that thing up

so research before you do the update all right all right there you go arty got a phone good

he got rid of damn blackberry welcome to the 21st century man he got out of the 90s are we

Are we going to do any funny Arty stories before we do our first pranks?

Anything interesting in the last few months?

Anything exciting.

What happened with your car?

You got a new car?

What happened with the car?

Are you allowed to talk about that?

Well, I wrecked my Lancer.

Did I talk about that?

Has it been that long since I've been on here?

It's been that long since you've talked to me.

Like, I haven't talked to you in a long time.

Oh, gosh.

Yeah, we haven't heard about that.

Yeah, we had the K2 and the post-K2, the last episodes we really had on Artie's Confessions night.

No, he's talking around Christmas time and stuff.

No, post-K2, yeah, the post-K2 episodes.

Yeah, what happened?

You got a new car yet, or are you still, you know?

Yeah, I got a Mazda.

A new Mazda, or what did you end up with?

A used one?

A 2010 Mazda 3.

Okay, and you had like a brand new Mitsubishi Lancer 2012?

Yeah, 2012.

Off the lot, and it got wrecked.

yeah yeah dude you step way down man lancer rocks man lancer is a nice car man well he only had it

for like a month man i felt so bad for her when he called me he was like man you know it was a

major downgrade yeah well i sucked how bad hurt did you get her kill anybody no i didn't kill

no i was fine he uh she broke her toe you had your uh you had the special interior and stuff

right then you have like the leather interior the customized shit yeah the hall man

man.

Ouch.

Dude.

No,

it's all right,

man.

You live and learn,

you know?

Are we talking about how it happened?

No,

we don't want to talk about how it happened.

okay.

As long as it's all right,

man,

it's a shame you lost out,

man.

Yeah,

I missed that card.

But now this card has a,

you can select it to do a manual or automatic.

What?

Really?

Yeah.

You switch it over and you pull it back and there's,

no clutch you just pull it back and pull your foot off the gas and rev it back up holy look at

this sunset that sounds like a transmission waiting to fail i don't know it sounds like a

bad idea but hey whatever man um hey uh we got some prank calls to do here new news in there

yelling at us already already because we're not doing pranks all right let's get to that here's

someone who lost their class ring somewhere in colorado springs yeah lost their class ring and

who's butt i don't know yeah that's what i'm gonna say he had a description of it it had a

blue birthstone for march and diamonds on one side it says wasson high school 2006 name is her

name is tia marie oh it's a girl named tia hey man that's a sexy name silver what's up with silver

man that's gay i can take this who wears silver jewelry like look like a freaking rottweiler

walking around with silver jewelry.

You probably do, Artie.

I don't even wear jewelry.

I don't wear silver.

The only jewelry I wear is this fucking ring on my finger

and under protest because I hate jewelry.

It's not even gold.

It's titanium.

Silver and gold, man.

I mean, silver is a good investment.

Silver, gold, and diamonds.

Buy some silver coins and put them away for an investment.

That's what Alex Jones taught me.

I got a hell of a collection.

I never did show you.

Well, I showed you a couple of them, Armando.

You got some silver teeth.

Yeah, right, man.

It's like, you know, these fake ones here, man.

I got to take them out overnight.

So that's when I put in the silver ones.

You got to soak them.

That's for the special times.

Soak them, yeah.

All right.

Artie, you ready?

Did you get the...

You need me to repeat the description?

You got a blue birthstone, silver ring?

Blue birthstone?

Yeah, silver ring with a blue birthstone and diamonds.

And it says Wasson High School.

Okay.

Class of 2006.

W-A-S-S-O-N.

Here we go.

Does it say where she might have locked it?

Where?

Colorado Springs.

Oh, okay.

No specific place.

Nah, this is somewhere.

If it's a glass ring, it's probably not silver.

It's probably like Argentium or Palladium, dude.

So, it's not silver.

It's going to be white gold.

It's going to be silver in color.

All right, all right, all right.

Or am I muted?

You're making noise.

Sorry.

Shut up, little man.

Shut up, man.

I'm muted.

I think I found your ring.

Who?

Found your ring.

Your glass ring.

Sorry.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Well, grab it real quick so I'm sure I have the right one.

It's a silver ring.

It should say Lawson High School on it, and then it should say Tia Marie on it.

And it should be like a blue stone, and then white diamonds are on the side of it.

That's the swing.

Really?

I have it, yeah.

Oh, nice.

Okay.

I thought I lost it forever.

So how much do you want for it?

I mean, how much are you willing to give me for it?

I'd have to talk to my husband.

I don't know.

Well, you can leave your husband out of it.

I mean, I'll give it to you for like $300.

Okay.

Can you send me a picture of it?

Well, I'm just going to take it to the pawn shop.

Okay.

Where did you find it at?

I honestly don't remember where I was last night.

Oh, okay.

I was on bath salts.

Okay.

And you're in the spring?

And I need to sell this ring so I can get more peps.

I don't think you'll get anything for it.

Because it's not real.

Oh, it's not real?

No.

It's from Walmart.

Well, then could you buy me some bath salts if I give you your ring?

Buy you some what?

Huh?

Buy you some what?

Bath salts?

No, I think I'm okay.

Come on, please, mate.

No, thanks.

Why not?

You want your ring, right?

Why not, Artie, indeed.

That was a good start, Artie.

Good work.

You know, that wasn't too bad.

Not bad, not bad.

It's a fake ring.

It's a ring.

A ring is a ring.

What do you mean fake?

Maybe that's already what Milkman was saying, that it was zirconium or whatever.

Palladium.

Oh, shit.

Palladium.

Is there still a club in Orlando called Palladium?

Wasn't there a club named...

No, you were too young.

I think that's been closed for a long time.

You were too young?

Fuck you.

It's a metal that's not quite as valuable as white gold, but it looks similar to it.

It doesn't corrode.

I was talking about the metals.

They are kind of expensive, but...

Well, here's something. I don't understand white gold. My wife only likes to wear white gold. I don't get it. It looks like silver. You can't tell the difference between white gold and silver.

Oh, no, no. You've got to know your precious metals and stones, man. You've got to look at it. You can tell immediately when it's not silver.

first of all the luster like the sheen of all the only difference in white gold and red or gold is

is that they've mixed that some other elements into it like alloys to nickel or mostly like

that nickel something like that colored but all it is is you're cutting you're just cutting down

a little bit on the gold content but it's still gold it doesn't corrode i don't i mean gold doesn't

silver will corrode so like silver will leave a black ring gold will technically never corrode

but you know remember it's an alloy it's not 24 karat but it's one of the perfect conductors and

it doesn't corrode you don't see gold rust unfortunately or a lot of us would be rich

why if gold rust what will be rich i don't understand because you could take and remove

Move the oxygen atom molecules, and it'll be gold again.

Ah, okay.

Iron oxide is rust.

It's just iron with oxygen molecules, you know, oxidized bonds there,

and that's what you got.

That's cool.

Iron is rust.

That's cool.

Rust is, what, 12 times thicker than the original material.

Oh, I see what you're talking about.

Yeah, so you can make rust.

Okay, Bill Nye.

Bill Nye.

Well, that was actually, I used to teach this shit.

You're right.

That's right.

I taught old men, young men this stuff, and this is what I did.

This is my career on St. Croix, big guys.

Anyway, move right along.

Artie's confessions, man.

Just stay away from the palladium, man,

and find out why she left it in somebody's butthole.

That's all we need to know.

Artie, have you masturbated with any men lately?

Has there been any hookups going on?

Well, there's been some gays, but, I mean, they're my friends.

Oh, that's good.

Good.

I'm glad you're making friends with gays.

I got these two lesbian friends that I've been hanging out with.

They're pretty chill.

Yeah, they make out in front of you?

No.

Oh, come on.

One of them's basically like a guy, though.

Oh, like a boy.

He's like my guy friend.

Oh, no, bud.

What's up, man?

You guys check out girls together?

That'd be kind of cool.

That'd be cool to have a lesbian friend, and we'd go out and check out girls.

That'd be cool.

You gotta really be careful when they get Adam's apple bigger than yours, man.

That means they're really jacked on the testosterone.

That means they're probably really bad.

No, she's like my bro, you know?

Cool, man.

Well, try to get in there.

Maybe you can cure her, you know?

No, I'm not even attracted.

Tell her that.

Tell her you want to cure her.

Tell her you have the cure for her,

and then pull down your pants and show her your wheels.

I accept the worst, dude.

You're the worst.

They'll beat your ass up, boy.

All right.

God, I hate that e-book, man.

They will beat your ass down.

They'll outnumber you.

You're in trouble.

Yeah, right?

I got this shit a few weeks ago.

What is it?

It's called...

What?

It's called a cough.

It's called cock?

What?

That's all he said.

He just rolled one.

It's most like a tush.

Oh, you broke up.

I didn't hear what it's called.

What's it called?

Yellow cock?

It's called cock.

Your shit's breaking up.

All right, well, hang on there.

Try to get a new signal.

Move around a little bit there.

Go to your bathroom.

Shit's called cough.

Cough.

Oh, the cough.

There you go.

Purple cough.

I don't know.

Cough.

Sounds good.

Milkman, you heard of cough yet?

Milkman's a connoisseur now.

He goes at a dispensary.

Oh, cough.

Yeah.

Yeah, I know he's talking about cough.

He's breaking up real bad.

So he must have something like, yeah.

Strawberry cough is good, dude.

It is good.

It's a nice hybrid, man.

It'll, like, make you trip, but it'll still get you, like, with the Indica body buzz

and the hard wiener and all that stuff, man.

Hard wiener.

Good stuff.

But this shit was lit.

I'm telling you, man, that stuff will blaze your body, too, man, and your mind.

It's good stuff.

Sounds good.

All right, drug users, here's a lost wallet.

wallet reward if found this is in colorado springs black leather male wallet whoever heard

of a female wallet well i guess they do have wallets uh stickers on it missing march 20th

could be in one of two places uh my ass or my folds all right here we go let's do this

got a lot of ladies in the chat room tonight that's good already single so milkman is but

you don't want to be with him hello yes hi did you lose a man's wallet sir i did i ended up

finding it uh are you sure that's it because i heard that you had gotten a wallet and it wasn't

yours it was mine so i want you to tell me for sure that you have the right wallet i had somebody

text me the other day um they had found one and i had said no it's not possible because i found

we ended up finding it in one of our friend's cars okay are you sure that it's it was your

Yours and your friend's car could have been mine.

Yeah, completely positive.

It has stickers on it, all of the information inside of it.

Yeah, well, I lost a leather wallet, okay, and it had Ed Hardy stickers on it,

and I lost it outside the Skyway Apartments also.

Okay.

All right, so maybe you have mine.

It wasn't found outside the apartment, so it was actually found in my friend's car.

It never left the car.

or it was stuffed under the seat stupidly.

Yeah, but, yeah, that is pretty stupid of you.

I lost mine over there in the Skyway apartment,

so you think maybe you could help me find it?

Did you put an ad on Craigslist?

Because there was somebody who had texted me because of that ad

saying that she had found one.

And I told her, you know, never mind, it's okay,

because I had found mine.

Was it a black person?

Because they steal wallets sometimes.

I don't know, maybe.

Not that I know of.

I'll check the message.

Can you check your friend's car and see if it's there?

It's not there.

Well, how do you know?

You found yours in there.

And why do you have a male wallet?

I still have a male wallet.

Why do you have a male wallet?

That sounds suspicious.

You're a woman and you have a man's wallet.

I don't think that's any of your concern.

Well, was it, like, did you have a man sleeping with you and he left his wallet?

Um, exactly not.

Really?

So you're a lesbian then, and this is your wallet?

I don't know who you are or why, but you need to not call his number anymore

because you're really starting to piss me off.

Do you wear boys' clothes?

is that why what happened you can go outside yourself no i'll have you help me out with that

what do you say oh already i think she was a lesbian you know you might know you got gay

are now already you're hanging out with gays you need to not call this number anymore you

understand does or not does the does your friend maybe know someone who might have a wallet

that they can give me no i look for mine no nobody knows and if you call this number one more time

It's gonna be a really big problem. You got it?

No, I don't understand. What do you mean?

There's a condom in my wallet. Can I fuck you with it?

Hello?

Test me. Call this number one more time.

Understand, motherfucker, and figure out what's gonna happen.

Lose this number immediately.

Alright, I'm gonna turn on the shredder and lose it, okay?

I'm gonna put the phone in the shredder.

Smash your own phone if you have to.

Do not call this number. If you do, it's gonna be a really big problem.

We have a cure for lesbianism, though.

It's my friend Artie.

It's in his pants.

Maybe we can help you out.

You put an ad asking for help with a wallet.

Why would I be hurt?

I'm not harassing you.

I'm trying to help you, honey, sweetie.

Why are you mad, sweetie?

What?

What's that, baby?

Don't be mad.

Oh, God.

Yeah, Skype's a little fucked up today.

Anyway, let's call her back.

She said call back again.

Here we go.

Hey, guys, this is Allie.

Hey, guys.

Come on, pick up.

I really want to see what she's going to do.

She's going to have us trace.

Hello?

I thought I heard her pick up.

Whoops.

Hey, guys, this is Allie.

Damn, she's not answering.

Anyway, speaking of Alex Jones as we did before,

here's a prank call that I wanted to share with you guys.

I forgot.

I got this around three weeks ago,

but I haven't played it yet for you kids.

This is Alex Jones.

if you guys know him he's a radio guy conspiracy guy and uh he went off and started crying on his

radio show um about something so he was giving some relaying some kind of story he started crying

on his radio show anyway uh sal and richard from the howard stern show they uh cut up the audio

made a soundboard with him crying and they prank called a uh a swap shop radio show and this is

is pretty funny i'm going to play this is about two and a half minutes long it starts with an

introduction by howard stern explaining it in better detail than i am and then the prank call

itself let's listen this real quick we'll be right back that is the best a lot of fun let's see if i

still have that do not even feel worthy to be here bringing you this information and i it just

absolutely brought me to a place i've never been to you know where god just really says you want

want to see the evil here it is feel it and to feel what the children are feeling god oh buddy

gets me every time good morning you're on swap shop yeah listen a little bit of a problem here

my my father we lost our family dog and his name is blumpkin it would really help if people could

look out for him all right no pepper colored okay but not my father tell you the description please

He can. And what street are you on or where are you located?

He'll tell you that. Hold on. He's just a little upset. I'm sorry.

Okay. That's fine.

Oh, here he is. Go ahead.

Okay.

God Almighty, I can't get people to stand up against these people.

All right. Now, what community do you live in? What street are you on?

You might want to put your son back on the phone here so we can just get the information.

We just need the information here if we can get this out, okay?

Okay. Why don't you just tell us what street you live on, sir?

What street do you live on?

Can you just talk, sir?

Can I talk to the son?

Can I talk to the son, please?

Daddy, can you give him the street, please?

I'll tell you what.

Why don't you all call back, okay?

I've got another phone ringing here, and I don't aim to be irrational here,

but I need some information or we're going to have to move on and see him call back.

So that's why that, you know, I try to be kind to people.

It's time to get toned up and firmed up in time for summer.

Wow. I love the commercials.

There you go. That's the prank.

Hope you enjoyed it.

Hope

you enjoyed it.

Continue on.

Do you want to hear something I did at McDonald's the other day, Carlito?

Did you eat food?

It actually doesn't have to do with the food.

All right, what happened?

Me and my lesbian friend, she rolled a big-ass blunt,

and we went around the corner smoking it and hot-boxing the car.

Okay.

We'd get to the order part, and we, like, cracked the window so the smoke stayed in,

made an order, then we'd get to the window,

and right as she, like, was getting the money, we opened up the window,

the smoke just fucking blew right into her.

the girl in the window you mean like it came out oh did she say anything

that happens it's not a big deal uh it was fucking funny because they knew really yeah

that's fine it's fucking dude i want you know that steak and shake over by the sanford mall

the one in the parking lot i went i that i was hot boxing once and me and my friends and we

We pulled up there, and we did that, and it was a black girl.

She was really cool.

She was like, oh, damn, that smells good.

She's like, let me go with y'all.

Let me go with y'all.

And I don't know.

I think she was being serious or something, but we got the fuck out

because bros before hoes, you know.

But, yeah, she thought it was funny.

She wanted to join us, you know, for marijuana smoking.

So I could have gotten laid, you know.

Well, she was big.

A black girl.

She had big, natural black tits.

Big, natural black bros.

Were they G's?

Was her name G?

I think, no, I think they were like triple D's.

They were like massive, I remember.

I saw her a few times.

Was she 5'10"?

I don't know.

Do you know her or something?

Do you remember the cruise?

Yeah, that's right.

That girl wasn't from Sanford, though.

Was she?

Did you know?

No, she was from Detroit, but they did her own.

She was from Detroit.

That's the girl you banged her on the cruise ship.

No, I didn't block her.

She was on her period.

Nice.

Very nice.

But I got a blowjob.

There you go, man.

That's it.

Was my brother six feet away.

Nice.

And was your brother awake for it?

Did he watch?

Did he jerk off and watch?

I don't know if he was awake or not.

Okay.

Did he?

All right.

I don't want to know.

You got something about getting head in front of other guys.

So, yeah.

I wanted to get head in, so I couldn't be like, hey, Kyle, wake up and go sleep outside.

Yeah, you could.

That's your brother.

would be like hey man look i'm about to get mine and he you know i if i was your brother i'd do

that i'd leave it's a fucking you would it's a fucking cruise ship yeah i'd go like go around i

go you know i'll get some pizza it was three in the morning the pizza place is always open on the

cruise ship jerk off yeah that's true jesus that pizza place is always fucking good too yeah dude

the cruise ship pizza hell yeah man there you go uh i was i took her to the pizza place and the

One dude at a pizza place is like, hey, where's your girlfriend?

Ha ha.

That's what you get.

The whole cruise ship was talking about you.

Hey, guys.

This is Ali.

I'm not here right now, but if you leave a message, I'll call you back as soon as I can.

While the girl won't answer anymore, man.

That sucks.

Oh, yeah, dude.

After the accident, I had some extra cash, you know?

Yeah.

So I went to my Cali connection, and I said, I want to get an ounce.

I got this shit that was called Champagne Kush.

There are so many different strains.

Who knows anymore?

Champagne Kush?

Dude, it smelled like champagne.

I don't know how they do that.

Like, they got orange crush, tastes like oranges, you know, and...

And it tasted like champagne, bubbly.

It had a bubbly taste.

It was weird.

Wow, man.

That's cool.

So, remember I kept telling you to stop messing with that K2 shit?

Isn't that the real stuff much better, man?

I told you about that.

Yeah.

Tell me.

But it's hard to afford it.

I was at the cigar shop on Saturday, and some guy called in, and he asked the owner

or if he had incense, you know, whatever, herbal incense or whatever,

and he cursed them out.

It's usually cops that call around asking that.

Here's someone who lost a USB flash drive.

I lost two USB flash drives.

They're black in color, one with 2 gigs, the other one with 16 gigs.

Imprinted on the casing, brand new PNY.

Attached to one neck lanyard with a PNY name back printed on the lanyard.

I hate fucking lanyards, man.

Who the fuck uses a lanyard?

Jesus.

Here we go.

You want this already?

Well, I'm going to do it.

What's up?

USB drive.

That's your thing.

You did that once, right?

Yeah, I did.

Me and Rockwood.

You take it.

This is Bobby's voicemail.

Please leave a message.

Fuck Bobby.

Last week, if you folks remember, we had a prank call where I found an iPhone.

Someone posted they had lost an iPhone in a casino.

you know i called the uh old man and his uh old wife back and told him i had found it pretty funny

uh by the way that show is updated is on the podcast a few hours ago i uh posted that on the

madhouse prank cast so if you missed last week's show you can catch it there be sure to update your

itunes machine and all that anyway um i did get some voicemails back from those people i haven't

heard them yet but i think they called back a few times looking for the cell phone actually i

I think I got five calls from that.

Here's one of them.

Haven't heard you.

Hey, this is Ron.

You had my cell phone.

Call me back.

There he goes.

That's the guy.

I told him I just wanted to play Angry Birds on the iPhone once,

and he completely denied that.

And what an asshole, right?

All he had to do was let me play Angry Birds for about five minutes,

and I would have given him his iPhone back.

But no.

This is Ron.

Still waiting.

Call me back.

Thank you.

Man, here's another one.

Hello.

My name is Ron.

You had tried this evening.

No, that's a different one.

That guy was just calling back.

He didn't answer.

Yeah, this is Ron.

You're going to return my phone or not?

I'm reporting it's stolen as of now.

How does he get it?

He's got nothing to go by except for I called him saying, yeah, have a iPhone.

And now he's starting to report it's stolen.

What a stupid.

Let's give him a call.

Let's see if he answers.

I actually have a bank request.

What's up, man?

What's your request?

The Burger King around the corner from me.

All right.

You got the number?

Can you text it to me?

you can probably just find it on google uh which one the one in d berry yeah across from the little

champ okay i shouldn't let it say what city but okay the one off the highway there okay all right

cool i'll look for her alone tell lonesome find that find that probably get to it faster than i

am because i multitask i think milkman's driving his customer around he's connected but he's got

us on mute so there you go it's gonna update about the iphone here your call has been forwarded to

to an automatic voice message system.

La, la, la, la, la.

Two, three.

La, la, la, la, la.

At the time.

Thank you.

When you have finished recording,

you may hang up or press one for more options.

To leave a callback number, press five.

Yeah, hi.

This is Cross.

I'm calling again with the iPhone.

We talked last weekend.

Just want to let you know I wanted to see

if I could get this to you finally.

I don't want any problem with the law.

So if you could give me a call back, I'd appreciate it.

Thank you.

All right, let's see if he calls back.

Maybe he'll call back.

I'm going to call him back.

That's what they get for losing an iPod.

You automatically lose an iPod.

iPhone.

You're going to lose an iPod.

Oh, okay.

Is there any difference?

I toyed him.

How about that?

iPod's music only.

God, you can't make a phone call.

I thought they're all the same thing.

You're the same thing.

What is the pod part?

I mean, I never figured it out.

Ask Steve Jobs.

Call him.

Ask him.

iWatch is coming out pretty soon.

I know what potty is, so...

No answer there.

Potty? I potty? That means I piss? I shit? What?

Horse5674 says sell the iPhone for basalts. Good idea.

Yeah, give him an ultimatum.

Either you come with some bread, man, or this is going in for basalts.

Give him some bread.

All right, well, let's continue on.

Let's see what Lonesome has here next on the list.

Lonesome rules!

That was it, man!

And Amber lost a Neil Lane ring.

I have no idea what a Neil Lane ring is.

Lost my engagement ring.

Here we go.

Neil Lane.

Lots of little diamonds.

Please call me.

That's interesting.

She lost her ring.

What is a Neil?

She can fuck around now.

I know, man.

It's her engagement ring.

She's going to be really into it.

I got a few ideas.

Like, well, let me not say it.

Let me do it.

Why give you guys spoilers?

Art, are you still smoking cigars, man?

The normal kind of cigars.

Cigars don't count unless they got at least a quarter in them.

A quarter?

I'm doing that for $4.20.

You can't smoke that.

You get to a point where you don't get any higher, man.

That's just a waste of weed, sir.

That's the fun part.

Hey, this is Amber.

Just leave me a message and I'll call you back soon.

Yeah, Artie, you get to a point where you don't get any more high.

Like I said, light a little bit and put it out.

Tap it out.

You know what I'm saying?

Then eat something.

Eat some pancakes.

You know, go to IHOP.

Artie, when I go to Orlando.

Shake and shake, guys.

All you can eat is pancakes for $5.

bucks yeah or when i go to orlando already um yeah i don't really drive that much anymore so

maybe me and you we can go to that sushi place you know i was gonna say bay ridge hell yeah we'll go

to bay ridge and then we need to go i want to go to a cigar place in oviedo that i took you on your

birthday all right yeah we'll go there what else what else i want to do what else is there to do

i forgot what i i used to like so much over there big boy big boy all right cool dude i already

there's something i wanted to talk to you about fucking ucf right across from where you used to

stay on campus you heard about what happened there the guy that shot himself and a guy had

explosives over there in the towers over there in the self in the dick in there you know by the

arena you know the tower apartments yeah there's a student there and uh he pulled up he pulled a

fire alarm uh and he was and he had a gun he had i guess had several weapons and a few bombs

and he was going to set them off over there in that building

and shoot a bunch of people.

But luckily his roommate came out when the fire alarm got tripped

and I guess the guy saw him and tried to shoot him

and he locked himself in the bathroom

and then he had a change of heart and shot himself.

You didn't hear about that?

No, I never heard about that.

That was national news.

I think that was Monday.

Monday morning or Tuesday morning, something like that.

That's true.

Yeah, man.

There was almost a big massacre over at UCF, man,

are both schooled up both me and you dropped out of dude i can't believe right across dude

because you you stayed right across the way you know they also shut down they also shut down uh

greek greek row shut down already they no more frats or sororities at ucf completely got rid

of all and i can't be proud yeah already you didn't really party when you're at ucf right

you just uh ate a lot of buffet food a lot of skittles i remember back in those days i guess

so already he just dropped off he's like oh he gets i remember him doing x patterns in the carpet

and mashing skittles into it and he just went all crazy i was that's where he got smogged i remember

that day i was still on the island then juju bees someone's calling back in hello arty i lost you

there hey um i gotta i gotta get more skype credits i'm gonna have to call you back all right

all right don't go anywhere i'll call you back in about four minutes goodbye all right all right i

I'm down to just a few cents left on Skype,

so I've got to play a prank call and re-up on the Skype credits there.

Milkman, can you hang on the line also, dude,

or do you want me to call you back as well?

It'll be about three or four minutes, man.

Go ahead and just do it because I'll be home by then.

So go ahead, man.

I can hang on or whatever's best for you.

I'm almost home.

About another three or four minutes.

All right.

Sorry to interrupt.

I should really buy credit before I start the show.

I keep forgetting.

getting uh but since we just talked about usb drives and uh already mentioned that prank call

here's this prank call called that's my usb drive just a moment i'm sorry is this robin

did usb drive over there where's it looks like a usb drive is small and on the one has his light

and on the top it says sandisk and on the other end it has this thing usb and it goes files go

go from the drive, and you put them in the computer.

So what color is it, and where did you leave it?

Like this.

What do you do with this guy?

Every time I touch him, he fucks up.

And the file, the printer goes in this, like this paper.

Who is this?

Kevin, which drive here?

Maybe earlier today, I don't know.

It's white.

Anything in the lost and found?

That's it, that's mine, that's mine, that's the one that the guy said.

That's mine, the one.

Yeah, that's my USB drive, give it to me.

What one?

The one that I lost.

I don't know, I haven't looked in lost and found yet.

I need to know these stuff.

Add the combination to the USB drive box.

I'm sorry?

Do you have a combination to the USB?

The combination to the USB drive box?

Yes.

Or you put the USB drives that people forgot and that people keep, and then you sell them again.

Okay, so what color is your jump drive?

It's white, maybe. White, yeah.

It's maybe or no. Is it black? Is it white? Is it red? Is it blue? What color is it?

And I need to know what size it is.

What color you have. Maybe it's white.

No, no, no.

That's not the way it works because there are many people that leave their jump tries here on accident.

We only go by what they tell us it looks like.

Well, I need...

Because if I say it looks like this, you say, oh, yeah, that could not be yours.

I need, like, a one gigabyte drive.

You need one or you have one that's lost?

Well, it's lost.

I need it back.

Okay.

Well, you can come in because we have several.

It's mine.

Give it now.

Come in and take a look at it.

No, no, no.

Tell us.

No, you need to give it.

Did you find it?

Did you tell me yes or no?

No.

We have several jump drives.

You have all, you have several of my jump drives.

Okay, I want to come and I would like you to give me my USB drive.

Okay, you can come in and tell us you have your jump drive while I'm here and then we'll give it to you, okay?

Pamela, hello?

That was my USB drive.

That's my USB drive.

I got the credit already.

They really streamlined getting credit on Skype now much faster, so that's appreciated.

There we go.

That only took like a minute and a half to do.

let's get already back on here and we'll continue with the show milkman yeah hey man we're back

we're good all right you want to say a big what's up let's see your track phone i get it i want to

say a big what's up to my remains who's back in the chat room first time in a long time we've seen

her it's good to see that's the original my remains uh all signs point to yes milkman yep

that's her welcome i didn't think i didn't know that was i didn't know that was my right yeah

hey that's her uh crazy fuckers in there i hope crazy fucker enjoyed that alex jones prank call

he's a big alex jones fan i hear crazy fuckers here what what about him i want to talk to him

he doesn't he says he can't call in he said he doesn't have a phone he's totally wussed out he

won't come on man he's so republican now he like won't even talk maybe it's not him anyway that

might be an impersonator or whatever it's i know it's not i will throw in 15 bucks for a prepaid

phone if he wants to prove it there you go we'll get him a track phone there you go hey you know

We could probably get enough listeners that would even donate a couple of cents to do that crazy fucking thing if it's really you.

Or get an Obama phone.

He's probably afraid of the Obama phone.

He doesn't want to get it.

It's got an implant in it.

They're going to track me.

I was listening the other day to a crazy fucker's story about how he ended up in jail because, what was it?

A black helicopter landed on his property, and the cops came in and put guns in his face

and said, you better forget this ever happened.

I'm like, okay.

And they arrested him for nothing, apparently.

Sure, that's exactly what happened.

I'm sure.

But hey, man, he got to meet Suge Knight in prison.

That's pretty cool, you know?

Suge Knight.

Suge always liked how if he mixed up this box of wine with water.

That's hilarious.

There he is.

Crazy fucker.

Anyway, I wanted to also mention Ray and Pete.

Ray and Peter, I don't know if you know who they are, those two old gay guys in San Francisco.

Yeah, I remember Keith and Dave, right.

I remember them.

Dave and Keith.

Yeah, no, no, no.

Ray and Peter, they got recorded way back in the day yelling, you know?

Anyway, I guess a new box set came out with unreleased audio of theirs that came out recently.

Recently, I believe Brandon Vegas bought it, and he said it's hours and hours of new audio of these two people yelling at each other back in the 70s and 80s, back in 1987.

Also, I wanted to mention, if you haven't checked out on Netflix, there is a documentary about Ray and Peter.

It's called Shut Up, Little Man.

If you have Netflix, check it out.

It's an hour and a half long, and they delve into the story of Ray and Peter and the people who recorded them.

and and they track down peter and tony and all this stuff it's pretty cool stuff i recommend

if you get a chance uh shut up little man good stuff it's a good movie

brandon vegas man awesome dude killer fine yeah brandon he sent me those he sent me um

a few of those uh mp3s off of that cd i haven't heard them or downloaded them yet but i've

he sent me a dropbox link with them i didn't get a chance to get them before the show

uh but he said they're good so maybe let me know later on i'll get them for you dude but if you

got the link then i got it too so you're good there you go there you go well but anyway check

out that netflix thing if you've got it um let's continue on with some more prank calls here where

did we leave off last year lost my engagement ring she didn't answer uh here's someone who lost

the white samsung galaxy s3 at the knitting factory last night at the seven dust show if

If you found it or know who did, please email me or call.

Okay, let's do it.

So, that's the phone I got already, a Galaxy S3.

I dropped it and I cracked it.

I sat on it.

I didn't sit on it, asshole.

The Galaxy S4 was unveiled this week, earlier this week.

Oh, did you?

What's the specs on that update?

I've been wanting to find out, man.

Update, everybody.

Please update me.

It's a quad core.

I know that.

And it doesn't look any much more different than the Galaxy S3.

It looks exactly the same.

What is the upgrades?

There has to be some type of hardware upgrades.

Nothing really.

The big story in the tech industry is how it doesn't look any different at all.

They're going the Apple route where they did an incremental change to the phone.

Everyone's like, this is bullshit.

Oh, wow.

They're fluffing it up to get the extra dollars.

They're smart, man.

Yeah, well, the new stuff is...

That's what design was.

That's what Artie has, man.

He got the fluff, man.

They fluffed it up in between models.

Ain't nothing special.

they got more sales to continue development of the next flagship well like if if you watch the

the event that they had none of it was really amazing the the coolest thing the the coolest

thing they got now is i guess it'll track your eyes um through the camera so it'll it'll scroll

a web page as you move your eyes up and down it'll scroll the web page automatically for you

i don't i if it would if they're even i can't imagine that's gonna work right but they say

that does they seem to be excited about it so galaxy s4 coming out he's the same with face

recognition and smile recognition it couldn't be that big a job that's all bullshit face right i

don't trust that shit never works right i tried the fucking face recognition of mine it always

anyway i think it's going on sale this week coming up now i might have to get it since my s3 is

broken that's a perfect excuse i mean reason hello yeah hi you lost a galaxy s3 a what a phone

machine a galaxy s3 machine my daughter did yes oh yeah um i might have it can i talk to her

she's not here right now um what's she doing can i ever call you back at this number yeah

is she with her boyfriend yes oh what are they doing don't ask me do you think maybe they're

kissing i don't know what they're doing but do you want me to have her call you yeah that's cool

i mean it sounds like she's you know got i looked at some of the pictures here and they look kind of

graphic i think this is her boyfriend in these pictures uh do you want to talk to her or not

well yeah i do but i just want you to let you know that i think she's

maybe sexually active with this boy because they had pictures

huh no kidding oh yeah i'll have her give you a call and she's smoking marijuana and some of

these pictures too like marijuana cigarettes i'll have her call you slow night that's good

she hung up hey milkman okay we don't care about your friends in their slow night

all right oh no man my mute didn't come on man all right it didn't talk well i'm sorry

All right, let me retry.

So I'm thinking of doing a Madhouse road trip.

We're talking about a Madhouse meetup in New York late summer already.

Maybe you can come to that, you know?

That'd be cool.

Well, no, I mean, I'm thinking of taking it on the road right now.

Oh, where are you going to go? Burger King?

How'd you know?

Because you have Burger King on your mind.

You've been talking about it already tonight.

Dude, call them while I'm there.

Yeah, okay.

Call them while I'm there.

When you get there, I'll call them and I'll say,

Say there's this man who's dangerous.

No, don't call me out or anything.

I just want to see their reaction.

All right, well, did Lonesome give me the number?

Let me see.

Let me look at the Burger King.

Yeah, I got it here.

All right, well, tell me when you get there, and I'll call him, all right?

All right.

I can't put it on Bluetooth, though.

We'll put it on speakerphone.

Because they'll hear me.

We'll put it on speakerphone, then.

I don't know.

Do something.

They're not going to know if you're on the phone, are they?

They're not going to know who you're talking to.

Geez.

Yeah, I know.

You're afraid.

You used to be cool, man.

What's going on?

you're afraid anyway ashley ashley lost a samsung galaxy player 4.0 what's a galaxy player i never

heard of that one sounds like a shit phone uh lost my oh it's an mp3 player lost it while

shopping at walmart need a bag has pictures of my kids that i don't have okay it is white all right

sent some emails to accounts linked to it so if it is in wi-fi there will be contact info thank you

you okay cool let's call her about her um her galaxy player seriously i didn't know that they

made a galaxy player it's like make all kinds of filler shit really you know remember the nexus

bullshit yeah well i guess you know how iphone and there's an ipod touch maybe it's like just

a touch version of the galaxy phone they're getting the same idiots to do that now they're

moving them over to samsung yeah hi is ashley there um yeah just a second hello hi you've

lost your mp3 player yes i did i've been trying to make phone calls with and it doesn't go through

yeah it doesn't make phone calls it's just it's just a wi-fi um just an mp3 player oh well i got

mad at it and i threw it at the wall i found it at walmart over in overland okay and so you you

broke it well i mean it was the stupid thing doesn't make any phone calls i was trying to

call my girlfriend it wouldn't work so i threw it at the wall i got angry um i don't know do you

you think it works still i don't know um why didn't you try and turn it in well i mean i wanted

to see if you had pictures on it and stuff but there was just pictures of kids i didn't see any

dirty pictures or anything so then i listened like the music was pretty crappy too and then

uh you know then i try to make like i said some phone calls and it wasn't working

so i just threw it out the wall okay well can i have it back then um how i don't know like

Like, can you put games on it?

no you can't it doesn't it's just really for taking pictures

and for apps and wi-fi yeah but the apps that have game apps on it um um well why can i just

have my can i have the mp3 player back please um will you let me can you like play some games

then i can watch how you play games on it why do you need to learn how to play games on it because

it looks really it's like a cool looking well i was going to say phone but it doesn't seem to work

the phone's broken on it okay um i'm gonna let you talk to my husband just a second okay no hello

yeah i was looking at these pictures on here and they're pretty boring yeah so can i uh play games

on this thing and then i'll give it back to you after uh i don't understand it did you find it

yeah but i i can't get it to connect to the wi-fi and the games like i was trying to download

anger birds on it yeah i don't i don't know i mean it's my wife i don't really know how that works

oh okay so you don't know how to use machines and stuff because most men are most men are pretty

good at technology okay i haven't i've never played it that much it's my wife so i have my

own computer but uh then i i got upset at the thing because it wouldn't i couldn't make a

phone call with it and i threw it at the wall so it has like about five cracks like in the corner

it hit the corner and it got cracks in it and stuff did you still want it okay are you being

serious or yeah i'm telling you i tried to call my girlfriend because we had a problem and it

wouldn't work and i said son of a bitch like that really loud and i threw it at the wall and i thought

maybe it was strong enough to you know because this samsung stuff is strong usually it has

gorilla glass in it but it just it it just cracked right down the middle and like on the

sides it has like some wet webbing crack webbing cracks on it okay i mean i'm sure my wife would

be interested in getting it back so she can get the pictures off it that she wants so okay i was

thinking maybe would it be better if maybe i just wiped out the phone if what i'm gonna well i have

it connected to my computer now okay and it says it needs to go into restore mode so i can do that

Yeah, but I think it's going to wipe out all the pictures and stuff.

Okay.

What would it be work for you if we just met up and picked it up?

Yeah, but I don't want to give it back to you broken, you know,

so maybe I should do the restore on it first.

I don't know.

I mean, she can just pick it up and be done.

She can look at it.

Well, I don't know.

I called tech support and I said if I do restore mode,

it'll wipe out all the contacts and all the pictures and apps and everything.

It'll restore it, so there'll be nothing left on the phone saved.

Okay.

But at the same time, it'll fix the glass because the glass got broken.

So if I restore it, then the glass will be fixed, you know?

That sounds kind of fishy.

I don't know how it's going to fix that.

It's going through software type things.

Well, I don't know.

I mean, my friend, Artie, he's the technician.

He said you can fix any phone or MP3 player by restoring it.

It makes it come just like it was brand new.

Hmm, interesting.

Well, I mean, if you want to set up a time tomorrow,

I can have my wife meet you and pick it up.

All right, I'm going to hit okay on the restore, all right?

When would be a good time for you tomorrow to meet up?

Hang on.

All right, it says 50%, 80%.

All right, it's done.

It's done now.

When would be a good time for you to meet up?

Tomorrow, maybe in the morning.

Yeah, what?

In the morning.

What's the reward for it?

There's no pictures left on it now, but can you ask your wife if she needed the pictures back

or what does she want it back for?

um i we we might just figure something else out so thanks for the call can i can i still give it

back to you though uh yeah where what's your name where do you live i'm cross and i'm at the burger

king you can meet me here at burger king i'll be working tomorrow i'm at burger king now by the

walmart okay well yeah i guess just have it on and what time do you work tomorrow i work from

From 8 in the morning until 5 p.m.

I'm the supervisor.

Okay.

And so Cross, what's your last name?

Just Cross.

Everyone calls me Cross.

Okay.

I don't want to give my name out because it's private, you know?

Yep, yep.

Sounds good.

All right, asshole.

That was stupid.

I was hoping for anger.

Don't laugh.

That was good, dude.

That guy was like, what?

Don't laugh.

Don't give me any mercy laughing, okay?

It was a bad call.

That was good, dude.

I was laughing, man.

You're a yes man.

I bet they agree with me.

I can't even see it, and I'm sure they agree with me.

I was laughing my ass off.

Chatroom always has their heads up their asses.

That's right.

It's a straight bunch of punks.

I just had one of the best cigars I've had in a long time.

It was a Davidoff Colorado Claro.

Claro.

Oh, I love the water.

That's good shit, man.

It's called the Special T.

What's up, Artie?

I'm on my way to BK.

All right, man.

Well, tell me when you're there.

Are you there now?

Yeah.

No, I'm turning around the wavy road, if you know which one.

All right, yeah.

That road, you don't have weed on you, right?

Because that road always has cops on it.

Didn't a cop get behind you once on that road?

Never.

Only one.

Yeah.

That cop.

That happened to me.

That same road there, I actually was about to light a bowl.

I stopped at a stop sign, and I had the bowl in my mouth and lighter in my hand,

and I looked in my rear view, and it was a cop.

hop was like oh shit i'm fucked but he followed me for a while actually i think i went all the

way to your house like i got just about to your house and i pulled i didn't pull into your driveway

but that was my that was my plan i was gonna pull into your driveway and i was gonna say i'm meeting

my friend arty at his house but he kept going you know because you can get back you know through

those back roads you get over to where your house is back there right can't you you go through those

back roads and get to your house yeah yeah um he was behind me up until and then i turned right

right to get to your road and he kept going though but like i said my plan was i was going

to pull into your driveway and just say yeah i'm here you know if he would have said something

i'm here to visit my friend you know that was my my uh thing but you were out you probably

weren't even there it was afternoon you're probably sleeping or something yeah i'm about

to call in the bird king don't call me out or anything don't make it seem like there's a guy

well i don't know what to say what am i going to say already i don't know what to do bird king

normal thing there's a monkey in the office or something there's a monkey in the office all

All right, fine.

Well, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

All right, tell me when you're in the window so you can see what's going on.

I'll have strawberry sundae with extra strawberry, please, and that'll be it.

Love all of you.

It's the Berry Burger King.

This is Kaylin speaking.

How may I help you?

Yeah, I sent my friend over there for a strawberry sundae.

Yeah, he's not allowed to have those.

He's diabetic.

Okay.

Can you please not sell that to him?

Oh, he's just at the window.

He's just ordering.

No, tell him.

But I still haven't given it to him.

No, don't.

Do you have sugar-free strawberry sundae?

No.

All right.

Can you put a number three meal on that order?

Okay.

You put a number three meal with Diet Coke, no ice?

Okay.

Small, medium, or large?

Large.

Instead of the strawberry sundae?

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

There you go, Artie.

You asked for it.

I think Artie hung up.

Artie.

Artie, Artie, Artie, Smartie.

That'll teach, Artie.

He put me on the spot.

Artie.

He's connected still.

I don't know if he put me on mute or if he's probably going to get pissed off now.

Why would someone take my word for that?

That's so stupid.

All right.

I hung up on Artie.

Let me call him back.

Clay says don't call him.

He heard, Clay.

I'm pretty sure he was listening.

Mizzou fan says don't let him back on the show.

You don't want him back on the show?

What's wrong?

You guys don't like Artie?

He's our friend.

You have reached the Sprint voice mailbox of three.

he's not he's not answering for him to call back that's pretty funny all right

don't call me out don't call me out i didn't call him out he's probably trying to say

no give me my sundae all right here we go jeremy said a laundry basket fell out of his truck

this guy's laundry basket fell out of his truck moving stuff yesterday our landy

laundry basket fell out of the trailer on beacon road if you have any info let me know

Fuck is cats cats in the middle that song you lost a laundry basket

Yes, I did. I think I ran over it and then I went back and I got it

Okay, did you need did you need to stuff this inside of it? Is it important? Yeah

My clothes and stuff for my girlfriend I was leaving her out and I just didn't see it we get lost on

It's pretty irresponsible of you

And that was the only thing I lost

I thought I had it tied down tight

And I guess I just didn't

There's like panties in here and stuff?

Yeah

Are they clean?

Yeah, they're all clean

Oh, that sucks

Can I have a few of the panties

And then I'll give it back to you

Just like maybe one or two of them

No, that's all my girlfriend's clothes

Yeah, but don't tell her

Just give me maybe one or two of the panties

I'll keep them and I won't give them back

If you don't tell her then she won't know

Well she does know

She knows everything that's in that hamper

Yeah but we can just say some of them got

You know lost

When they fell out

Do you have them

There's a lot of clothes

There's a few tank tops in here right

And there's a pair of jeans

Where are you at can I come get it

Yeah but is that her in the back

Yeah

Can I talk to her first

Yeah, here.

All right.

Come back to him.

He's got your hand.

Hello?

Yeah, I found this hamper on the highway.

I ran over it, and then I stopped, and I went back and got it,

and it has panties and some tank tops.

Yeah, those are mine.

Yeah, I want to give it back,

but do you think maybe I could keep one of the panties or two of them?

Which ones?

I don't know.

Like, is there, there's like these white ones here?

I don't know.

I'll have to see them before I can tell you.

Yeah, but can I just keep some of them?

Maybe.

I'll have to see them before I can tell you which ones you can keep.

Well, you'll let me keep your panties and stuff?

If I get my stuff back.

Oh, that's good.

But they're all washed, right?

Huh?

They're all washed?

Like, you washed them all already?

Because I was smelling them, and they smell clean.

They don't smell dirty or anything.

I was trying to find...

They might be.

I don't know.

Where are you at?

Can we meet up with you right now?

Yeah, that's fine.

I'm at the Burger King.

This is where I work.

What Burger King?

Oh, gosh.

Gosh, I'm a little worried to tell you.

I just want to, you know, I'll let you know,

but let me just figure this out first with the panties.

I was smelling them.

No, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait.

No, no, no, no.

I'm not going to just let you have my panties

if you're not going to give me my stuff.

Like, that's weird.

So we can meet up and we can discuss on what kind of panties you want,

but I'm not going to say yay or nay until I get the rest of my stuff.

I know.

Well, I'll definitely give them back to you.

Okay, so can we meet up with you right now?

Like, it's getting late.

We have to work tomorrow.

In a few minutes.

it's yeah but listen well i was sniffing them to see if there was a nice right pair you know a nice

right pair of them you know like some stains and stuff but they don't seem to be dirty or anything

i don't know if you do you have have you done your laundry the rest of your laundry this week

what does that have to do with the rest of my stuff well maybe we meet up with you or not are

you not going to give me my stuff or what i will if you give me a like the panties the dirty ones

you have on right now then i'll give you the the clean ones that are here i just want i just want

want dirty panties that a girl's already worn that's all i'm interested in yeah i'll get you

some dirty panties now where are you located at so we can meet up with you can you guarantee that

they're dirty i can guarantee you that they are dirty okay all right i'm gonna go through these

and find the ones i want to keep and then i'll call you back and i'll let you know i don't want

you to go through them to figure out which ones you want to keep i want to meet up with you so

we can go through them together and then we can discuss if you want them if i want them what's

going on well i'll call you i'll call you back after i go through them i want to go no you're

not gonna call me back after you look through them either we're gonna meet up hello do you not

have my hamper or what yes i do it's a little broken because i ran over with the car once okay

what else is in the hamper there's a few tank tops there's a pair of jeans what else panties

what else uh that's all i can see right here right now it's in my car like i said i'm at work right

now i'm gonna but i thought you said you've already went through them and you've kind of

a smelt phone so you should know what's in there no just the panties i i went in and i grabbed i

saw some panties and i was smelling them but then i had to clock in i didn't have too much time so

what is what is what's the hamper look like now it's like this is a regular laundry hamper you

know i know what color is it it's white okay all right so okay come on i'll give you all them back

if you just give me maybe i'll go through them i'll call you back after i go through i want to

to take pictures of them and everything and no no no no no no no no no no okay if you want

something of mine then we're gonna have to sit down and discuss which ones you want and if i

want to give them to you all right i don't mind giving you a pair but you might not get the pair

that you want because i might want them well if i like them i'm gonna keep some of them first you

know then i'll i'll call i'll let you i'll call you back when i made my decision on the ones i

i want to keep all right no that's not how this is gonna happen man well then i can't help you

then i don't know what to tell you that's i mean you have my stuff well you left it you left it on

the road you left a nice you know juicy pairs of panties and bras and stuff so i'm keeping these

so there's panties and bras and jeans and what else did you say was in there i don't know if

there's i didn't see any bras yet i'm just thinking there might be some bras in the bottom

bottom of it you know so are you saying there's so you want two pairs of panties and i get the

rest of my stuff back the sexy so we will meet up at your burger king work and i will give you

the pair of panties that i have on right now i will take them off in front of you so you can

have them and i will get the rest of my stuff you'll take them off in front of me yeah i will

so where are you at so we can meet up because i would like to get my stuff and you can have

the panties that i have on right now that i've been wearing all day okay all right yeah that

That sounds good.

Yeah, I'll give you a call.

I don't have time for you to give me a call.

Like, we have got to do this.

Like, we're getting ready to go to bed.

Like, we have to work in the morning.

Okay.

Either you want to do this or you don't want to do this at all.

I do.

I'm interested, but I'm most interested in, you know, making sure that the panties I get are nice, sexy.

Well, the panties you have on now that you're going to give me, are they nice panties or, like, sexy?

Yeah, they're black and pink with lace, dude.

What else do you want?

Are they what?

They're what now?

I'm sorry.

They're pink.

What?

What do you think well are they sexy panties that you have on now, or what are they like yeah?

Who doesn't wear sexy panties? Okay? I mean well are they pink where are they what did I just say?

They're pink and black with lace now. Where are you at so I can give these to you so you can give me my stuff

All right, you know the it's I'm over here and

Discovery place what discovery place this all in Boise downtown Boise yeah, okay?

Okay, so you're in downtown Boise, and you have my laundry hamper.

Yeah, yeah, I was visiting my family.

Where'd you pick this laundry hamper up at?

It was on the highway.

Oh, what the fuck was it?

I was driving.

I drive a Ford Escort.

I was on.

I don't care what you drive.

I want to know where you were going that you picked it up.

It was around Beacon Road.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Thank you very much.

Come on.

Just give me some panties.

Give me some panties.

I want panties, please.

Please, she's going to show me.

Hey, hey, you drunk motherfucker.

She's going to show me her panties, or take her panties off in front of me, man.

It's fucking hot.

It's hot.

Hey, hey, you dumbass.

Do you want to have my basket or not?

Or are you just fucking around on Craigslist?

No, no, I have her basket with her panties in it.

You guys want to come down?

And where are you at right now?

Where are you at right now?

I'm at work at Burger King on Discovery.

You're at Burger King where?

The one close to Camelback Park.

Yeah, there is.

That's where I'm at.

It's State and Discovery.

Yeah.

No, I'm not, man.

Really, I got these nice sexy panties here.

I'm going to, you know, use them a little bit.

Ford Escort.

Mm-hmm.

It didn't do any damage.

The basket's a little damaged.

and the clothes are all intact um so if she you know i we close and a little later she can i can

maybe have her come into the office and no all right where do you where do you live well she

says i'm not going to your fucking work where do you live you're not coming in my house i'll give

you what she says i'll give you what you say she said you have my shit i will find out where the

hell you're at and i will beat the living shit out of you until i get back no no no come on she

She says she's going to take her pants off in front of me and her panties.

I'm into that.

Please.

Well, that's cool because you're a fucking pervert.

Now, do you have my shit or not?

She offered to do it.

She's a sexy, dirty, dirty girl.

You can't talk about my girlfriend that way.

Now, you're listening to me.

You little fuck.

You heard her.

She's the one that said that she was going to take off her panties in front of me.

Hey, you dumb motherfucker.

Listen right now.

Yeah, I'm listening.

Where the hell do you live?

I really don't know.

If you have my basket, I will be in Boise tomorrow, and I will come get it.

No, you come to Burger King.

Tell me where you live.

You're not coming to my house.

No, you're going to tell me where you live right now.

No, I'm going to keep the panties then.

Forget it.

You work at Burger King on 6th Street?

Is that what you're saying?

That's right.

And where were you coming from that you hit that basket?

I was coming from my parents' house.

Which is where?

I visit them, you know, over the weekend usually.

Really?

Yeah.

What the hell is that in the background?

That's my cell phone.

You, what number are you calling me from then?

Calling you from my cell phone.

I have call waiting.

It sounds like that.

I have an Android phone.

I have an Evo.

And it makes that noise.

So I tell you what.

Since you're at work at Burger King on Faith Street,

I'm going to have my buddy from Idaho State Police show up at your work

and you're driving a Ford S-Sport.

And if my shit's in your car, I'm going to consider that stealing

and I'm going to press charges and you're going to jail tonight.

Hey, stupid.

I told you I found it on the highway, on the road.

I ran over it.

I don't give a shit where you found it.

You're in possession of my shit.

It's not fucking stealing.

I'm going to have my buddy, Officer Burkhart, come down there and fucking get my stuff and bring it to me tonight.

Or you're going to tell me where you live so I can get it tomorrow.

You're definitely not coming to my house.

You are not coming to my house.

No.

What do you want to happen?

I want you and your girlfriend to come to my work and she's going to take her dirty panties off.

You don't understand, you dumb motherfucker.

You don't understand.

I do, sure.

I am not coming all the way to downtown Boise at 10 o'clock at night to come get this.

All right, no panic.

You're going to tell me where you're at tomorrow because I work in Boise tomorrow.

I will come get it.

I live in Boise, so what's the difference?

That's what I'm saying.

Where do you live so I can get it?

No, I don't have to tell you.

We'll meet in a neutral, safe location in public.

All right.

Where do you want to meet at 8 o'clock in the morning tomorrow?

You're sitting there threatening me about hurting me and stuff?

I'm not going to let you come to my house.

Are you crazy?

Okay.

Then you're going to tell me where we're going to meet tomorrow at 8 o'clock in the morning.

You could be some kind of pervert.

You're the fucking pervert wanting her panties, you dumb shit.

I have the panties.

I just want dirty panties.

Obviously, you dumb shit.

All right.

So where are you going to meet me tomorrow at 8 o'clock in the morning?

Meet me at Burger King at 8 o'clock in the morning.

Let's talk more like towards Meridian where you found the damn basket.

I can't make it out there

I have to go to class and everything

I have class tomorrow

what time do you have your class

it's at 830

well how about we meet at 730

at Vanzo's off of Eagle Road

that's not convenient for me

well you're being a little fucking pervert

about wanting my girlfriend's dirty panties

and you're at work

and if you're not

going to be straight with me

about having this shit

and I show up at Burger King tomorrow

and you don't have it i'm gonna literally beat the living crap out of you look he's

you know it's true i'm just gonna call the cops right now because i know you're at work

no i'm just gonna have to show up at your house no no no please don't okay come on no that that's

what that's what can happen because you're not gonna be compromised with me she's already

compromised with her she's she made a deal with me i don't care i don't care you don't understand

she is not the one driving out there they're her panties we're not driving to downtown boise

in fucking 20 minutes before you close

where I can have a squad car

and get my stuff and bring it to me

tomorrow morning while I'm at work.

I'll wait here for you.

If she's going to show up,

I told you she'd come in.

No, she's not coming.

She's not coming to get it.

That's the part you don't understand.

I'll let her come in.

Because if she comes,

she's going to come with a fucking

goddamn 9mm and pop you

in both sides of your fucking ass.

That's a threat that you just said.

I'm going to tell your cop friend

about what you just said right now.

As a matter of fact,

I'm gonna call where do you live? What's your address? I'll bring him to you

All right, and what's the street number street number

Okay, so I'm gonna tell the police that you just told me you're gonna shoot me with a 9-millimeter I'm gonna call

Cross what cross off cross. Yeah cross cross

yeah like the fucking don't make fun of jesus no don't do it it's holy week no don't you dare

it's holy week don't say that thing no it's what it's holy week don't you make fun of jesus during

holy week i don't give it i don't give a shit you sound drunk as fuck you cannot be at work

and you're just playing around on craigslist no man i'm telling you i'm at work i found the

the basket full of panties and it's got some tank tops and jeans she had she i should what else is

What does it have in this basket?

Because I know what was in that basket.

That's all I've seen.

I found it on the way to work, and I left it.

It's in the back of my car.

It's in the hatchback part.

And what kind of basket is this?

What color is it?

White.

And does it have any other markings on this basket?

I didn't really take a good look at it.

It's messed up because I hit it with my tires.

It flew a few feet.

Okay, I drove back to go get the basket.

There was no evidence of any other plastic or anything around where that basket was.

It's not just like dinner.

That basket should be in pretty good condition, considering I know there's specific marks on that basket.

It's dented and cracked when I ran it over.

None of the plastic's missing.

None of the plastic?

No, it's just broken.

It's like cracked.

Okay.

Yeah.

And how much tape is on it?

How much tape?

Yeah, tape.

I didn't notice.

Is there any tape on it?

I don't know.

Well, why don't you go up to your car and look right now?

I can.

I'm on the clock.

I can't.

You're on the clock.

I need a cell phone talking to me about a basket and dirty panties.

Yeah, I'm the manager here.

I'm allowed to be on my cell phone, but I can't go outside the store.

Oh, so you're the manager of a Burger King.

Being a pervert.

I'm the shift manager, not like super manager, like a big manager.

Since you're on your phone, walk out your car and tell me what tape is on there.

I can't.

I can't leave my post.

I'm allowed to be here, but I have to watch the employees.

I'm not allowed.

I'll get in trouble.

They sent people to me.

And where are you at right now?

In my office.

this you're in your office on your phone yeah all right i tell you what drop your car take a picture

of the basket so i know that you have it before i even consider coming out there because at this

point i don't believe you all right i'll send is this a cell phone or a house phone i'm calling

this this is my cell phone all right then i'll send you a text with the panties i'll show you

i'm going to take a few pictures i don't i don't want the pictures of the panties i want a picture

of the basket what's in the basket well you're sitting in the trunk of your car and you better

You better tell me what tape is on this basket.

I'm going to take pictures of all the panties and lay them out

just to jerk off when I'm looking at them later.

If I have to give them back.

If not, then I'll just keep them.

What I like to do is I get an erection

and I wrap the panties around my erection

and I masturbate and I ejaculate inside the panties.

Yeah, just like a fucking pervert.

I understand.

By the way, you are being recorded right now.

Oh, so are you.

Just an FYI.

And so because you are in the set,

I don't have to let you know that.

I don't give you permission to record the call.

That's a bummer because when I said I don't have to get your permission,

I can just do it and I can tell you that it's being recorded.

How are you recording it?

What are you using, an app or what are you using?

Yep.

What's the app called?

What's it called?

What's the app called?

Yeah.

I don't know what the fuck the app's called.

It's on my cellular telephone because I have a Windows-based phone

that records every phone call I have.

Windows phone is a piece of shit.

And now that we've been on a phone call for over 10 minutes,

it's recording and it saves my memory card.

Is that how it works?

Yeah.

All right, well, I'm not going to give these.

Now you're going to have to destroy the memory card before I even give you.

Consider giving you a cloud.

I don't have a memory card on it.

You just said it saves your memory card.

That's a bummer.

Well, it seems like you're stupid because you said it saves your memory card.

Now you don't have a memory card, so I guess you're not recording it.

I don't have a memory card.

I have memory on the phone, and I'm not destroying my brand-new $350 phone

just to make you happy.

Which is it, the Lumia Windows 8 phone?

Which one is it?

It's a T-Mobile HD 7.

That's a hot phone.

That's a cool phone.

That's a really cool phone.

Yeah, I understand that.

Yeah, when you come, then I'm going to need you to wipe out the memory in front of me

because I don't need you having copies of my audio, me talking.

That's a bummer because I'm reporting it to the police saying that you have my stuff and it's stolen.

Well, I'm reporting that you have it.

And I've already filed a police report yesterday about it.

So, and so I know who has it, Cross, the Burger King shift manager on State Street, has it, and he drives a Ford Escort.

Don't come on, don't. Please, I don't want to get in trouble, I'm going to get fired, I can't get fired, come on.

Well, then you better be reasonable right now and tell me exactly who the hell you are, what the hell you want, and why are you fucking wasting my time?

I am cross.

I want some of the panties from the basket and your girl's dirty panties that she's wearing now, like she said.

And that's it.

What else did you need?

And where do you work?

At Burger King.

What the hell is the address at Burger King?

I'm not going to meet you right now.

I want the address.

Hang on.

Let me get some papers.

Papers?

Well, I got to get the address.

I don't know the address by heart.

I got to look for a letter or something here.

I got it.

All right.

What's your work phone number?

1700 West State Street.

And what's your phone number at work?

It's 343.

Yeah, horse shit.

You don't work at Burger King, you dumbass.

I do.

I worked in my job for a week, and I know the phone number by heart.

343.

I'm telling you the number.

343.

Because you're an idiot.

You're looking it up online, holding the phone away from me.

You don't have this shit.

How am I looking it up online?

I'm talking to you on the phone.

You have an Android phone, you dumbass.

I can do the same thing I'm doing at the same time.

No, I don't have an Android phone.

I have a BlackBerry.

The new BlackBerry.

You already told me that you had an Android phone and had a call waiting.

No, I have an Evo, BlackBerry Evo.

Right.

Okay, I do have an Android phone.

You're right.

Yeah, because you're a dumbass.

You want to lie to me one more time?

I'm giving you one option.

If you have my shit, you're going to fucking tell me right now,

or I'm having the cops come to you right now.

You left your basket on the road and I picked it up.

You left it there for someone to pick up, and I took it.

Yeah.

I'm going to have the cops come to you.

No.

First of all, this is sexual harassment.

Second of all, you're in possession of stolen property with a police report already filed in Eagle.

It's a lost property.

Where it was lost.

It's lost property, not stolen.

It wasn't, because I knew exactly where it was.

Do you even know the cross street that it was picked up on?

Yeah, it was over there.

Oh, what's that called?

Oh, man.

I mean, like I said, Beacon Road.

Yeah, Beacon Road.

No, sorry, buddy.

You have the wrong basket.

Oh, it must be the wrong basket.

Well, will she still bring her panties then, I guess?

No, you dumbass mother.

I'm calling the cops right now.

Sorry.

Hey, just come over.

I'll give in to you if you come over tomorrow.

I'll give in to the panties here.

I'll give all the clothes.

Just don't call the cops, all right?

Please?

I don't want to get in trouble.

I don't want trouble.

I'm calling the cops.

No, I don't want trouble.

I don't care what you want.

You're getting the cops sent to your work right now.

No, please.

I'm leaving then.

I'm closing up and I'm leaving.

Forget it.

Then you better fucking send me a picture of this basket.

Yeah, okay.

Because you cannot tell me any identification marks on that basket

that I know that I put there from when I strapped it down.

You cannot tell me what color the document was.

You can't even tell me the name of the street that you fucking worked,

the address or the phone number.

I told you already.

You won't even tell me your phone, your real name.

My name is Cross.

That's my real name.

My parents named me after me.

And what is your telephone number at your work?

I was born on Easter, and my parents named me after Geno Cross.

That's why they gave me that name.

All right.

And what's your work phone number?

343-65...

Too bad that's the wrong number, because that number's been disconnected, you idiot.

Did you try calling it already, though?

Huh?

Did you try calling it already, like instantly, when they said that?

That Burger King has been closed for two months.

No, it hasn't.

Yes, it has.

No, it's not.

We're here.

Right.

Come on.

So, let's see.

Let me see.

See, if I call Burger King right now and ask for Cross.

I'll answer.

Really?

Yeah, call.

At the 343-6565.

Yeah, call and ask Stacy for me.

She's in the front.

She's where the phone is.

I'm here and I'm closing up.

I have to count down the registers, so.

Hey, you're an idiot.

All right, yeah.

Because that 6565 number isn't connected.

Did you just try calling it?

Stop being a moron.

Stop being a moron and a pervert.

You don't understand what you're dealing with.

I'm calling the cops, and they're going to get you for harassment and sexual harassment,

and I hope you go to jail.

I don't give a shit about what's in that basket anymore.

Because you are not being 100% fucking truthful to me.

You're being a dumb ass that likes to play around on Craigslist,

and I'm just calling the cops right now.

Plain and simple.

You put the ad on Craigslist on me.

That's your problem.

Hey, I put my hat on Craigslist, but I didn't expect a stupid little kid that got drunk on a Sunday night

to call me at 930 and say that you have my basket and want to be a pervert to my girlfriend.

Oh, yeah, that's a big crime.

If you don't want the cops to call, you better confess to something right now.

I'm going to go to jail for 50 years.

Okay, perfect.

Is that what you're saying, I'm going to go to jail for 50 years?

I'm not saying you're going to jail for 50 years, but I'm definitely pressing charges for sexual arrest.

I'll press my erection against your girlfriend's ass.

How about that?

That's you.

What?

Your phone.

Your piece of shit window.

You lose me in five seconds.

Your piece of shit window's phone is breaking up.

All right.

Thanks, buddy.

I'm going to go.

All right.

Bye.

Okay.

You know what that means.

The police.

You're going to be in jail with Captain Jenks.

That means we're going to come over there and put you in jail.

Yeah, about 50 years.

That was a good one, man.

I sent you a couple messages, but you must not have seen them, dude.

It really got him jacked up.

Wow.

Hang on, let's call Artie back

because I want to see what happened to Artie.

Did you see the messages I sent you, though?

No, you know, Milkman,

I'm really bad at that, you know.

Alright, I'm sorry.

No, I said it in our Skype chat.

I just figured you'd seen it.

Yeah, I'm just really bad at that, Milkman.

It's hard for me to multitask.

Hey, Ken's here.

Hey, man, that was hot.

She said she's going to take her panties off in front of me.

Come front of me.

We should give him just a few minutes

And I'll fucking talk to him

That shit was hilarious man

Is this where I call about the panties

Yeah hang on

I'm gonna call Artie back

Let's see what his voicemail is

What the fuck was that

Alright let's call Artie back

I feel bad for doing that to Artie

So what was the deal

That guy was gonna call his cop buddy

And have him activate his panty tracing software

software there's a stupid tough guy a tough guy man he's trying to scare you dominate you

into telling him where you're at started asking him for some of his underwear

like i want proof that they're dirty i'll take him off tell him you got something on him man

oh now you're on the call dude i'm sorry i had a long really funny prank call

you missed it i couldn't answer in the middle of it it was too good what happened how'd it go

I could have got their numbers, but they're kind of choppy and ugly.

Oh, so what happened?

What happened?

I just said that a friend was fucking with me or something.

That's it?

Did they say they weren't going to give you this number?

I'm too high for that shit, bro.

All right.

Well, seriously, did they say someone called, or how did it go down?

Yeah.

They said, apparently, you're a diabetic and shit.

So the streamer was like, I was fucking stupid.

I think you're stupid.

Did you get the number three?

Yeah, did they hook you up?

What is the number three?

I don't know.

It's just the number three.

It sounds like the double whopper, I guess.

I don't know.

No, I only had a dollar with me.

Oh, shit.

I can't find where I put my money.

I can't remember.

Oh, man.

So did you get your sundae?

It's in the house.

Did you get your sundae?

Yeah, it was fucking delicious.

Nice, nice.

All right, good.

Well, I'm glad you got your sundae, man.

I'm sorry.

I couldn't help it, you know?

I should have got a number.

You should have.

but they were chubby

as long as there's a little heat in there

you're good to go

as long as there's not a guy watching

Artie you missed a call

I don't know if you had heard any of it

but a guy left

he lost a laundry basket with his girlfriend's

clothes and I called back and said I had the panties

and I wanted to

get the panties and he got into a fight with me

that whole time you were trying to call in

that was a big mess, a big brouhaha about panties

I would have done it myself

I know

I know, I know, but sorry.

Well, there you go.

Yeah, you want to call back Ken?

You want me to call him back for you?

Yeah, you got some porno music we played online to him?

Yeah, I can get some porno.

Or we can just do it straight up.

It don't matter.

Either way.

Oh, no, no.

We need porno music for this one, man.

Totally, we need porno music for this one.

We're going to jail for it.

Tell him I found his ad on Craigslist for the babies.

You're going to be in jail with Captain Jenks.

That means we're going to come over there and put you in jail.

You have 50 years.

All right, let me get this.

I've seen it.

I'm pulling jokes.

Let me get that song.

Anyway, here's where we left off.

Judge, should I tell him that Cross sold me the panties?

I don't know.

Tell him you've been using the, I don't know.

You've been looking at the panties.

I don't know.

I almost forgot about the whole prank in this scene.

Here, I just sent the number for the guy that he changed.

The new guy?

Guy named.

All right.

Yeah, he's in Indiana.

Next Charlotte.

All right, cool.

Please leave your message for Jeremy.

All right.

Well, I'm going to listen to you right here.

Get on with it.

I got you on my ear.

On any correct list, I don't really know for a buck.

I don't know how you did.

I'm going to have to take you in if you're a girl from my watch.

That's good, too.

Oh.

You were talking over Ken, so I had to disconnect you real quick.

Nope, man.

Huh?

You were talking over Ken, so I took you off the call real quick.

You weren't listening.

I was muted, right?

No, I took you.

You were saying, I'll send the number.

They were saying stuff, Milkman.

How dare you?

Let me get Aaron's calling in.

All right.

It's Martin's, Bill.

You got the information.

You can see it right.

Did you put it in the chat, Skype chat?

Yeah.

All right.

Let me check it.

His name is his number.

His ex is Patty.

They got an insuable strife, and I guess they both got restraining orders against each other.

So he's suspicious of anybody calling in, and I guess he's pretty pissed off at women right now.

I don't know.

There might even be a way to kind of like tie him into the whole, like, you know, can I share a bed with you thing or whatever.

He's pretty emotionally needy.

He's like, yeah, texting people, oh, I just had somebody love me.

I wouldn't feel like I was going to die.

And she's like, dude, must be a real freak cake.

His girl left him?

Is that what it was?

And he's 50 with a cane.

50, late 50s, wife with a cane.

Well, yeah, something they had restraining orders against each other.

I don't know.

So he's going to be suspicious.

Anything that's going wrong

Is this woman

You know

That we mentioned her name

Is fucking with him

So

It'd be pretty easy

To fuck with him

Cool

Before we do that

Dirty Aaron's here

Hey Aaron

What's up man

Hey man

Haven't talked to you in a while

How you doing man

Yo man

Hey what's going on man

What's happening up in here

Hey man

Yeah dude

You did a show last night dude

I was sleeping

I couldn't hear it

But I heard it was good

Aaron

That was funny as shit man

Good show man

You're listening to Aaron man

Oh, yeah, dude.

I was laughing, man.

That was a good show, man.

That English guy or Aussie guy is funny, too.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Tristan's good.

I like him.

I think it was Topher, one of your buddies, man.

He had a pretty good call there towards the end, man.

Yeah.

It was a sweet thing for him.

You know, get a good thing going there, man.

That's good.

There you go.

Tristan's Australian, though, right?

He's not British.

I think he's Australian.

Yeah, just Australian.

Australian, yeah.

Okay.

Well, cool.

Cool, there you go.

We're getting really bad action on the Skype.

I wonder why.

Anyway, let me call this number from Milkman.

Milkman's begging me to call some old guy with a cane.

It's horrible.

Well, it's not begging.

We were auditioning for the last probably three years for a new Charlie

or a new Jim Nobles or maybe the next Debra Manfield in Psychos.

Well, this is a new test candidate.

This could work into something.

This has been good contacts.

These were all brought to us by Sweet Kisses, all those famous callers that we mentioned there.

She sent a new one.

Figures this one might be a pretty interesting one.

All right, well, let's see.

All I got to go with is he's old with a cane and his wife left him.

So, sounds like a start.

Presumably, he's got a penis.

Yeah, and they've got, yeah.

Does he have a penis?

Does he have a penis, Milkman?

They've got orders on each other, too.

Yeah, they're a training order.

Yes, hey, Gary.

Yeah.

Hey, Gary, did you need a place to stay?

I heard you were doing pretty sad

You had a problem with a woman

She left you

I thought maybe you wanted a place to stay

Who's this?

This is Cross

I've got a one bedroom here

You can

If you want to come bring your stuff

And you can stay

You can sit down on the

Oh I've got a place

But maybe just

Who is this?

This is Cross

You know

And maybe just to get your mind off of things

You can come by and stay with me

You know

I'll do your laundry

I'll make lunch for you

Hello

Bencho

Hello

Bencho

Who is this?

Hello, Couto Rocha.

That's Cross, and that's my roommate Ted.

And we were wanting you to maybe come over.

You could stay and, you know, just take your mind off of women.

Who gave you my number?

A friend gave it to me.

What's the friend's name?

The friend told me not to really, they don't want you to get upset at them, you know?

It's a friend of Patty's, but they had heard everything that had happened.

They heard everything that happened with you and Patty.

Patty has a no-contact order.

now she's going to jail

she had you contact me

now she's going to jail

you're on speakerphone

I have witnesses here

now she's going to go to jail

it's a friend of Patty's and they're concerned

Patty's concerned and she feels bad

so you can come here

I don't know Patty

you're full of shit dude

you are full of shit

and she's going to jail over this

there's a no contact order against her

don't do that come on

just come by and i'll i'll do your laundry i'll make you a sandwich and we can sit down me and

and my roommate ted will talk to you we'll we'll put our hands on your shoulders oh he's gone dude

what's the web paddy dude and no contact order just for a massage i don't know dude i knew he

was gonna be a bite she was right dude work him up to a real fraud you're a rich white man

Is that the real Ted?

Yeah, that's him.

Make a lot of money.

Hello?

I bet Ted gives good massages, don't you, Ted?

Look, I can't tell you, Ted.

Huh?

Oh, my God, he's really calling the cops.

What the fuck you're calling?

Yeah, he's not answering now, Milkman.

Now you did.

Fucking Patty.

And once you put your hands on his shoulder.

Holy shit.

That poor girl.

Oh, I can't believe Cross got this started, man, out there.

Ted taught me all the tricks about massages

When you massage a girl

You start massaging her legs and you sneak a finger in

That's how you get her

Is that the word the whole one in the thing

That's Ted's move

You massage the back

Did I demonstrate on you first

No you just told me

I do four in this thing

It was more like a theory conversation

All four in the thing

I thought it was one in the thing

No I think we used the mannequin

We used the mannequin

We used a CPR mannequin

No, he did it on a mannequin.

A CPR mannequin.

Like Petal Bear.

Where did he touch you?

Did he touch your ear?

Yeah, there you go.

Ted's here.

Is it the mannequin without any arms?

Just the twerp, though?

Isn't there a really bad 80s movie called Mannequin

where the mannequin comes to life

and she's like,

I don't know.

I remember there wasn't...

Nickelodeon had that TV show

where the mannequin would come to life.

I remember that.

Was that Pinwheel?

Was there a mannequin that came to life on Nickelodeon?

It wasn't Pinwheel, though.

It might have been Pinwheel.

I don't know.

There was a movie about it in the 80s or the 90s.

It was like some mannequin that was kind of human for a little while.

Jeez, you're missing a great show on Milkman.

Ted just said that.

God.

Come on, man.

Didn't you hear Ted?

There's a movie in the 80s called Mannequin.

I had myself muted.

Oh, my God.

Once I start talking, it goes on mute.

Baz is here also.

Hey, Baz, what's up?

I'm making noise in here, and I apologize.

Baz, you're a Seahawks fan?

Man, I heard they're going to have a good squad this coming year.

I heard good things.

I think they are.

I heard good things.

They've got a young, young crew.

There you go.

And Aaron, I'm trying to grow a dirty Aaron beard right now.

I don't know if you can see on the video.

Hold on.

I don't know.

I've got to give you a –

I'm going to make it, man.

I've got – I'm a bike status right now.

Yeah, I've got to – how do you – do you got any tips,

anything I can put in there, a massage in the beard to make it feel better?

No, I just do a lot of combing, but I use, like, the cheapest comb pop.

I guess you've probably seen my personal Facebook picture.

That's probably it.

Yeah, it looks tough.

Yeah, it's a little longer.

But turn on the video, you can see a good shot of it,

but it'd probably kill the packets.

Yeah, probably.

The packets are really bad enough as it is now.

Can you rub rose on your face?

Olive oil is good, too.

I don't know what I can do.

Olive oil, I don't know.

So I haven't seen the face under my beard in months.

Wow.

Cross it.

I like the way you like to put on your beard.

I got something for your beard.

All right.

Well, I'd like for you guys to do pranks with me, but Skype audio sucks.

We can try.

Maybe it'll clear up later.

But I'll do this one while we wait for that.

Here's Miranda, who has baby chicks for sale.

Yay.

Quiet.

I'm like UK Godfather over there.

Jesus.

Our call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

4-2.

I'll try it again.

I hate to do this, but I gotta pee.

I gotta pee bad.

Oh, someone's calling.

Hello?

So you have my phone?

Maybe.

Do you plan on giving my phone back to me?

Can I play some games on the phone first?

What's your name?

This is Cross.

Why so many questions?

Well, because you have my fucking phone.

That's why so many questions, and I would like my phone back.

You don't have to make curse words about it.

Just, you know, I found the phone, and...

Dude, you're being a fucking creeper.

You've got my phone, and you're being creepy about it.

Why don't you just fucking give me back the phone?

We could be nice about it and stuff.

Can I go through the pictures?

I would be nice about it if you hadn't called my mother and said what you did.

Well, it's true.

You're being a creeper, plus you've now had my phone for how many days?

You're obviously not planning on returning my phone, and now you're just trying to be a creep.

No, well, tell me about these pictures, then.

They're here.

You have dirty pictures with some guy.

Dude, fuck off.

They're none of your fucking business.

those are my fucking personal property you stole my fucking property oh these pictures are hot

though i mean it was pretty cool i think that's pretty cool i like girls that do stuff cool i'm

glad you're enjoying them yeah i did a few times now when i went to sleep last night i enjoyed them

i woke up this morning i enjoyed them again you know that's cool that's nice you got nice so do

you want to set up to give me back my phone yeah but give me back my phone do you yeah but i need

I mean, what is your deal?

Are you just calling me to be fucking creepy and be a fucking pervert,

or do you actually intend to give me back my fucking phone?

I was intending to call your mom and let her know these things that you're doing.

That's why.

Why would my mother care, asshole?

I'm a fucking adult.

I know, but she still needs to know.

Being a fucking creepy fucking pervert.

She still needs to know dirty things that her dirty daughter's doing,

so I wanted her to know.

Dude, you're such a fucking creeper.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

I'm not married.

My girlfriend left me, and I'm lonely, and I saw pictures like this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, well, if you're going to be rude to me, no phone.

Be nice or no phone.

Dude, you're being rude.

No, I'm not.

Well, you call me saying fucking and shit and all this stuff,

and fucking phone and screaming at me and stuff.

You think it's totally acceptable that you steal someone's fucking phone,

and then you call numbers on their phone and say what you said?

I didn't steal the phone.

I found the phone.

That's okay.

Okay, you think that a normal fucking decent human being would do that?

You left the phone at Walmart, honey.

I didn't steal it, okay?

I didn't leave a phone at fucking Walmart, dipshit.

I didn't even fucking lose it at Walmart.

Oh, okay.

Well, wherever you lost it at, that's where I got it.

Someone else gave it to me.

They said they got it at Walmart.

We've been passing the photos around and passing the phone around and stuff, looking at it.

Cool.

You think I fucking care?

Well, a lot of guys have seen you naked and stuff.

You think that I fucking care?

Wow.

Wow, some guys saw me fucking naked.

Dude, I don't care.

I just want my fucking phone.

It's an expensive phone.

I'd like to have it back.

Okay, I'll get right on that.

I'll get it back to you.

Don't worry.

I'm just, you know, I'm going to back up all the pictures on my computer first,

and then I'll call you, and then we'll meet.

Okay?

Does that work?

I mean, what else?

Yeah.

Okay.

No, it's not okay.

All right, then how can we solve this, then?

What do I need to do?

I need to get my phone to tell me how to get my phone back from you.

Well, give me a few days, and I'll get it back to you.

You can do it now.

I can't now.

I can't.

Not right.

It's too late for me to give you the phone now.

I can't at this time of night.

I have to go to work tomorrow.

It's too fucking late for you to give me my phone.

Yeah, I was already in bed.

I was looking at the phone in bed already, you know?

I was finishing up.

Now that I got a voice to go behind it, it's even better.

Thank you.

It helps out more.

Dude, just give me back my phone.

Stop being a fucking creeper.

You're so hot when you're angry.

Yeah, and you're a fucking dumbass.

I'm so happy I finally got to meet your mom.

I feel like I know you even better now.

It's cool.

That's cool.

I'm sorry.

Did she get mad at you because what I told her happened?

What were you doing?

Hello, sweetie?

All right, she's gone.

Wow.

So that's...

I was going to tell you to keep telling her to keep cussing.

You're getting real close.

Yeah.

So I...

You're a creeper.

Fuck yeah.

so i guess i guess she's the one that uh i called and talked to her mom saying i saw dirty pictures

of her on the phone very good oh there you go what was i doing i was calling someone baby chicks

didn't answer next one on the list you're such a creeper totally i've been called a creeper three

times tonight i think so far maybe they're on the phone yeah maybe my job to be the creeper

uh fisher fisher price power wheel pink barbies for sale good use condition comes with battery

and charger you're right there what are you doing

aaron over there is rubbing his beard fisher price power wheel sorry it's okay it happens

so you're gonna edit pranks uh edit shows or not aaron i mean no never god it sucks yeah i need

some prank calls to put on my station i haven't had new car legal there's a whole ton of them

You need to matter them down singly, though, don't you?

Individually, excuse me?

Yeah, individually.

Yeah, Tabachi's been adding in a lot of mine,

but he said he can't do it anymore.

You have reached the Sprint Voicemail box.

Tabachi's going to be busy here for the next few months,

so that's going to stop.

I'm waiting for a year, and one of the first shows he did

was when he was getting that pizza driver's ass kicked.

I know, I'm fucking way behind.

I was, uh, I got to get caught up on listening to,

I'm still back in Madhouse, I'm still backlogged listening

Okay, I sent the caller's voicemail.

Hang on, let's listen to this.

Hey, did NORAD ever come and knock on your door?

Oops, your caller just hung up.

Goodbye.

I'm sorry.

Bye.

Someone called and went...

Yeah, Aaron, I edited a couple of pranks from your show

from about a month ago where you called the McDonald's

and had a special burger and the deep-eye po-poo.

Do you want me to send those to you?

Yeah, I think so.

Is that the one that I missed that I didn't get recorded?

There was one of them that didn't get recorded

I just added a couple

individual pranks

I'll send them to you

Send them to

BrentWestwood.com

or BrentWestwood

at gmail.com

Gmail, that's great stuff

Aaron, I think you

added a show recently

for the first time in a while

I just put it up

It was on the website

site but it wasn't into a podcast so uh it just made it to itunes last week it was a that was

actually a pretty old it's about six months old but um it was basically the last show i edited

okay okay okay i was trying to get through some of that older stuff and then it's been

springtime here with stuff it gets kind of daunting speaking yes hello is this indian food

oh good we're gonna get into the normal thing here you know where i say things

And people complain

You know

Don't go

Hello

Cape Lodge

Stupid ass

I'm gonna have to pee

It sucks

I hate peeing

Good afternoon Cape Lodge

It's Steven

Yeah I wanna make an order

If you don't hang up again

What do you mean?

Why'd you hang up?

I wanna make an order

You probably called the wrong number

I'm not sure

How can I help you?

Did you just talk to someone?

Yeah he hung up

Was it an accident

Or on purpose?

I'm not sure

Who did you talk to?

Some Indian guy there

Answered the phone

And he just hung up

Are you calling Cape Lodge?

Yeah, Cape Lodge, yep.

And who do you want to talk to?

We have the reception at the moment.

I'm not sure.

We have lots of people here, so...

Do you make orders for food?

Do you want to talk to?

I want to make a food order.

Indian food.

Food order.

Indian food.

Just one moment, please.

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

Stupid.

What was so hard about that, Stephen?

This is a restaurant.

This is a hotel.

Sound quiet there, Carlito.

They must have an Indian restaurant there.

Hi, is this...

Are you an Australian?

Are you Indian?

Oh, fuck.

Hello?

Way too fucking loud there.

No way.

We're going through that shit.

Here's a different place.

I can hear you.

God.

You're not speaking?

Yes, hello.

I'd like to make an order.

Sorry?

I'd like to make an order.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

Can you hear me?

Hello?

Can I make an order?

Can you hear me?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'd like to place an order, please.

Hello?

Sorry?

I'd like to place an order, please.

We're not open lunch today.

We're not open lunch.

What about your sister?

Sorry?

Can we place an order for your sister?

sister can we place an order for your sister yeah we're calling from australia we wanted to

place an order for your sister uh i don't know how do i sound now and for you guys do i sound

close or far away or far away damn it yeah i'll try to fix that here give me a second all right

that should have been close hello how about now hello hello you sound a lot better now

that sounds good well let's see if it holds up here's the next indian restaurant for some reason

and no one can hear me.

Little Haveli Indian.

Come on.

Yes, hi.

I'd like to make an order.

Can you hear me?

Yeah.

I'd like to make an order then.

Yes.

One order.

Yes, like a banchu.

Shut up, asshole.

Can you come over again?

Your voice is cutting down.

Oh, fuck you.

How about that?

I can't hear you at all.

Fuck you.

Hello?

Yeah, fuck you.

That's good.

I can't hear you.

Can I call again?

I don't get it. Maybe it's Australia. It doesn't work good.

Let's try a non-Australian number then.

Let's see here. These are all Australia, so that's not going to work.

Shit.

You're breaking up a lot too, Ken.

I don't know. I'm just going to shut the show off here.

This isn't fixed up here in the next five minutes.

Here's Poland. Here's a hotel in Poland.

Probably won't work either.

Witamy w historycznym hotelu Polonia Palas.

Welcome to the historical Polonia Palas hotel.

Język polski, proszę wybrać jeden.

For English, press 2.

For Central Reservation Office, please press 1.

For Conference and Bankrupting Reservation,

for Polonia Palace Hotel, please press 1.

For MDM Hotel, please press 2.

Central Reservation Office is closed at the moment.

Please say...

Cocksucker. Okay, great.

Hey, hey, hey, I just fucking remembered.

What?

You know who worked at the Hotel Napoleon tonight?

Hotel Napoleon?

napoleon yeah we can't you know uh what oh you're breaking up man

you guys are all breaking up this sucks bruno bruno at the hotel napoleon i remember him yeah

wow you got the number on you have you called him at all lately i've been calling there like

almost every week and they say that he's working but i'm calling him on saturday so he's working

today oh okay okay uh put the number in yeah put the number in please while you do that i will call

michael who lives in ireland yes hi is michael there hello is michael there michael wrong number

fuck you it sounds like shit i get an echo back really bad damn all right get hotel napoleon in

here i'll try them i like our bandwidth is really far down dude like can you do a bandwidth test

maybe i could try i don't know let me try to reset something real quick matter of fact i really got

to pee how about that i'm gonna reset something uh urinate and we'll be back we'll wrap out the

show here's a really confusing pizza prank call by sean ward maybe not one that you can hear me

do i sound better at all does sound the same all right no answer from ken come on i'm right here

okay good and you're all no shit is there any penises here yeah this music making me sound

I'm kind of sexy.

Sexy time music.

Listen, mine's getting longer.

Anyway, speaking of penis, I'm going to go pee.

I'll be right back.

Listen to this prank call.

Yes, may I speak with the banshoot again, please?

To whom, sorry?

The banshoot.

Oh, fuck.

Banshoot.

Yes, I'm making an order for banshoot, and the guy will fix my service, so I need to

make sure that he...

You all right there, buddy?

Yeah, I just didn't edit it right.

I didn't put a plus four four.

You coolo.

Pito Grande.

You guys sound all a lot better.

I think I might have fixed it, but seriously, I got to pee.

Bye.

Yes, may I speak with the Bhenchod again, please?

Speak to whom, sorry?

The Bhenchod.

Bhenchod.

Yes, I'm making an order for Bhenchod, and the guy refused my service, so I need to make sure that he got my order.

Hello?

You want to place an order, is it?

For Bhenchod, yes.

What is Bhenchod?

It's a meal my friend told me to order Bhenchod for him, and I'm trying to order.

I said, Papa, I was in Bhenchod, and the man who you put on the phone before insulted me and refused to give me my free tires.

Hello?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why are you being so quiet?

Were you covering the phone?

I'm not counting the phone.

I'm just trying to understand what are you trying to say.

What is that banshoot?

I think you're in the background talking to somebody, making plans and putting on airs.

No, I'm not doing anything, my friend.

Okay.

I'm just asking because this is a restaurant called Little India.

We serve Indian food.

Okay.

And how can I help?

I own this restaurant, and how can I help you, my friend?

You can take my order.

You can put the manager on the phone and take my order.

No, no.

I take your order.

Now, first of all, we are closed at the moment.

We close at 2 o'clock for lunch.

My paper says you open at 5.

You open at 5, right?

Yeah, we open at 5.

So you will take more orders?

You want to place an order and you want to pick 5?

Yes.

Yes, that's right.

Okay, okay.

So what would you like to order?

One order of papadums.

One order of papadums, yeah.

And then one order of banshoot.

What is this banshoot?

It's a milky sauce.

We don't have a?

Milky sauce.

Is it an Indian item? Is it an Indian dish?

Yes. Are you Indian or where are you from?

Yeah, I am. I am. I'm an Indian and I've never heard about a dish called banshoot.

Well, then maybe she puts the owner on the phone who can tell me who knows what's going on.

I'm the owner, my friend. I'm telling you again and again. I'm the owner.

Well, you don't speak very good English, maybe.

Maybe there's someone else there who can take the order who understands things.

I do understand things. I'm trying to tell you, my friend, I started this restaurant 10 years back.

I don't believe you.

Okay.

I think you're lying to me, and I think you're keeping the real manager at bay because you know.

You know that I'm going to report you to him and that you might get it written up.

You'll report to whom?

I'm going to write you up, sir.

Matter of fact, what's your name?

I'm writing you up right now.

What's my name?

Yeah, spell your name for me because I'm writing you up right now.

You're writing what now?

I'm writing you up right now, sir.

I have my paper, and I'm going to write you up.

You're going to write me up, is it?

I'm writing a bad report, a bad review for you.

Okay, about what?

because you're refusing service and you're um you know i'm not refusing service i'm trying to

take an order from you and you're telling me something which i can't understand okay okay

where did you get this term uh banshooth where did you get that term who told you banshooth

my friend from india sanjay told me to give the call and order the banshooth that it was good

and he like wanted to eat banshooth okay so can you put sanjay online can i talk to him i did i

just tell you you know i can i can explain uh what is i want to understand banshooth from him

Okay. Give me a second, all right? What's your name? He's going to want to know who you are. He's my manager.

Yeah, just tell him I'm the owner of Little India Restaurant in Christchurch.

And can you put Sanjay online? I'll explain to him what he's been to this.

All right, give me a second. Could you hold, please?

Yeah, yeah.

Just a moment, sir. Sanjay!

Hello?

Sanjay, are you Sanjay?

Bhenchod?

No, no, no. Your name is Sanjay?

Hello, what is your name sir?

Can I have one Banchot please?

Yes, yes, yes. I want to know what is Banchot?

Ban-chot

These are all dishes

This is for you, banchot I have for you

I have here your banchot

That you give banchot

You have banchot

You are sending me that dish

Durkee, Durkee, Durkee

Durkee, Durkee

Can I talk to the other man now?

Oh yes, I put him back

Yes sir

He said he ordered the banchot

or dad yeah yeah yeah he's placed order and i'll see him at five o'clock i'll keep one keep one

man tooth and one mother tooth ready for him okay do you have and if you can come at five o'clock

yeah do you have sister no no i'll get the dishes ready for him what about your sister though what

about your sister will she be ready oh okay okay i think you got a wrong place no no you wanted

that is it does anybody have sister there i know i think you have to call a different place for

that no no this is the indian restaurant i would like to have your sister please okay you go and

fuck your sister man you have a sister no that's why i'm calling you you you take your dick in

your hand and fucking shake you understand no no i like sister for your sister is um i think she

sounds good to me maybe i mean i will give you my sister but she does she does not have no sister

but maybe you give me your sister put your dick in your hand and shake fellas how you doing i'm

back i would have been here sooner but i made a sandwich jealous i mean it's been a while since

i've had a sandwich like that you know i used to take breaks every show once a break once a show

i'd have a sandwich break and i'm gonna bring that back bring it back guys dirty erin and paz are

both doa oh no really mia yeah they'll be back you know and the milkman i don't know maybe he's

just dead uh he's been eating i'm having food all right well welcome back uh then let me get

milkman back here himself before he starts complaining that we did a show without him

there's that okay well yes brand frog i did shake your honda check what you can your honda and shake

hey how are you i i like i i like your i liked your uh pakistani imitation there it's pretty

good man thank you yeah sanjay that was sanjay there you go excuse me all right let's get to

some more prank calls sounds like skype is holding up a little better now that i swapped over

network. Hopefully

it works. Let me get back here.

Oh, I thought maybe you had like a torrent

and that's what I was telling you. Look at your

bandwidth. No, no, no, no

torrents. I don't think so. No, no.

Here's

the Hotel Napoleon.

Has he been fighting with you, Aaron?

How's he been doing?

Hotel Napoleon? Yeah. No, I mean,

I talked to the

woman there and asked her about

Le Chat.

Oh, did you get that?

I mean, I got an erection talking to her on the phone because I was like, say something to me in French.

And she did.

It was kind of awesome.

Dude, they could say anything in French.

Fuck yeah, dude.

She could say rice and beans and I'd be ready to roll.

Rice and beans, la, la, la.

But she was into it.

It seemed like to me.

I mean, you know.

But, you know, I mean, she's probably a whore because she's French.

She's French, of course.

but uh i've never been able to get a hold of bruno because every time i call him like it's

bruno there they're like no he works tomorrow because i do it on saturdays uh the number's

not going through you want to double check triple check that uh aaron it says invalid

number machine missing a digit maybe maybe maybe uh cobra is cover want to be on tell

let me know if he wants to call in i don't know if he's busy

oh i'm in trump i'm chewing prank session radio then chat shut the fuck up prank session radio

everyone should go there um you should type prank session radio in the chat room as a matter of fact

see what happens yeah brad was having fun getting people to do that last night type in psr in the

chat room yeah yeah yeah don't do that uh it's after so many times i will ban you actually but

but I think I turned that feature off.

It'll just kick you.

Here's Ireland instead.

While we wait on Aaron to get his shit straight.

No, this is England, actually.

Michael Chapman.

Nice.

Taking Ambien's to help me sleep.

I have a lot of sleeping problems,

and I was talking in my sleep last night.

My wife said I was saying weird shit.

What about the equipment deal?

What's the deal on the equipment, man?

The equipment?

My dick is doing good, man.

My balls and cock are great, yeah.

Yeah, well, that's what you got the old lady for, man.

She's supposed to, like, handle the business, but you sleep like a baby.

She checks it for lumps and all that.

Give her one lump or two, tea bag, man.

Hello.

Yeah, this is Michael.

Hello.

Listen, can you hear me, Michael?

Hello?

Yes.

Listen, I was watching porno, and my wife walked in on me,

and she accused me of masturbating, and I said, no, I was checking for lumps.

Good night.

That's what you need to do.

Good night.

Check for lumps in your testicles.

Alright

Well seriously

That happened to me

Here we go

Let's try them again

Want me to talk to him

Yeah please do

He ain't gonna answer

Because he said goodnight

Here's another Michael

Michael Wood

Speaking of masturbation

Here we go

Baz you can have this one then

Alright

Okay

Be nice to him

I'll try

Look man

I'm working on getting

That CPAP machine still

If that's what you're talking about

Alright

I need to

Is this the guy's name

Michael Wood

Shut up

Welcome to BG on Sir W

I'll try him again

Oh you know what sucks

Doing the show on Sunday now

Now, Game of Thrones starts next week.

When does that start?

It starts next Sunday, 31st.

Oh, yay, yay, Sakura on Sunday.

Makamuku, Pape Pippo.

Winter's coming.

Welcome to BG Answer 1571.

Winter is coming.

I don't know.

Yeah, that wilding woman was pretty hot the second season.

She is, definitely.

I don't know why the dude didn't bang her.

He could have banged her, you know?

Did we get to see her naked yet?

I can't remember.

No, dude, I hope so, right?

You see her tits?

I'm sure.

There's sex every episode of that show.

Oh, yeah.

There's at least one sex.

That's HBO.

Every show has sex.

There's sex, too.

Every show on HBO.

She's got too un-sensitive.

Too sensitive.

Hello?

Good morning.

Who is it?

May I speak to the man of the house, please?

Hello, can you hear me?

Hello.

May I speak with William Corliss, please?

It's urgent.

I'm with the service.

Who is it?

My name is David Snozwell, and I'm calling from the service.

The Royal Service.

Royal Service.

The Royal Service.

I have an important, urgent message for Mr. Corliss.

It's imperative that I speak with him.

Hello?

Hello, Mr. Corliss.

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, my name is David Snozwell, and I'm calling from the Royal Service with an urgent message.

Are you ready for the urgent message?

Yes, I am, yes.

Yes. It's imperative that you immediately check your testicles for any lumps, bumps, or any other abnormalities.

You can do it yourself, or you can have your wife do it, but you must do this immediately.

Oh, man. All men should do that.

Yeah.

Yeah, I do. There's nothing wrong with that.

No.

So what happened to your life?

Yeah, Tom Green did it.

Hello? Hello?

Did you check? Did you check yet?

Who is this speaking?

I told you, this is David Snoswell from the Royal Service, the Division of Testicular Cancer Machines.

We're calling all the men of middle age in the UK with this urgent message that they should immediately check their testicles.

Yeah, well, can you stop calling, please?

Well, I might save your life.

You should be grateful to me.

Yeah, I should be, shouldn't I?

Yeah.

I'm not.

I mean, that's all we get from you, Brits.

We saved your ass in World War II.

Now we're trying to save your balls

We're trying to save your balls

Yes, that's true, we did save them

Here, I'll let you talk to him

Thanks, buddy

Hello, yes, I'm here to tell you how to do the check

You want to hold your flaccid penis up

And away from your testicles

And let them hang down

Hello, okay

He ain't down with that

Seriously, we're just trying to help the guy out, man

He could have dick cancer

Could have crotch dot

um yeah we're putting if anybody out there is playing sim city the new sim city i've been

playing it since release day well let's just say i i've had it since release day couldn't really

play it for the first week but i've been playing it brad just got on there tonight and we're going

to try to start a region up you know and i'll have a little city together so um if you want to

hit me up or hit brad up we'll add you on our origin accounts and invite you over to our sim

city region that'd be cool i'd have to check that out yeah and that begs the question ea offered me

a free game download because of all the shit that happened i don't know what to get i'm thinking i'm

gonna get battlefield 3 because the oh definitely it's awesome on the pc i'll tell you let me tell

you let me let me pull it up and tell you what they're offering because all the other games i'm

not sure what's good and what's what and here's the only let you select out of certain games

Let's see. Free games.

Oh, man. Now it's not coming up.

Oh, shit. I didn't take advantage of it when it came up.

Might be too late.

It was like Cry... What was it?

Not Crysis.

Dead Space 3 was one of them I can get.

Mass Effect 3. Yeah.

Mass Effect 3, Dead Space 3,

or Need for Speed, Most Wanted,

or Battlefield 3.

So the only game I think I'd want to get is Battlefield 3.

I'm thinking Need for Speed.

You think so? Yeah. I guess so.

Because Battlefield 3, I don't think anybody's really playing that anymore.

It's been out for about over a year.

They've had three or four expansions.

The latest expansion, Aftershock, came out a couple of months ago,

and it's really cool.

Basically, a huge earthquake had hit Tehran,

and basically you're playing in the streets of Tehran

in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.

Is there any general mutilation that we can do in that game?

Unfortunately not.

You can in SimCity.

In SimCity you can.

Oh, gross.

And then Mass Effect, yeah, I haven't played any Mass Effect games,

so I might be out of the loop if I try to play the third one.

Same thing with the other one that I mentioned.

What did I say?

Not Mass Effect.

Dead Space.

space i've never played any of the dead space games i heard that's good when my friend was

telling me dead space 3 had a lot of issues with it anyway when it came out it's kind of buggy

so maybe i don't maybe i don't want to play that so i don't know i would have liked to play crisis

3 but they're not offering that for a free download you know so dude if you get battlefield

3 hit me up and i'll put you on my friends list okay yeah i mean i own it i own it for ps3 but

totally different game you know totally different ball game on the pc that's where it's meant to

to be played so i haven't played for a while but if you get it i'll i'll log on and play some rounds

with you cool all right we'll do that i fixed that hotel napoleon number i i realized that

not all of the eu is plus four four ah isn't it it's across the fucking water it's plus three three

oh that's stupid okay you can see france from fucking uh bristol

phone network error jesus fucking christ i don't think that's the number i think that's

It's a machine.

Hang on.

Give it a second.

Yes, hello.

May I speak with Mr. Bruno?

Bruno?

Is Bruno there?

Hello?

Bruno.

Oh, man.

Come on.

You already have it saved as hotel.

Yeah?

Yeah, you called it.

It says hotel.

Oh, cool.

Hotel's cool.

I'm going to try them again.

I don't know why that Mario theme's in my head.

May I speak with Bruno, please?

Why is he never there when I call?

Sorry?

Why is he never there when I call?

Why you, sorry?

Why he's never there when I call?

Because I don't listen nothing.

You don't listen nothing?

No.

What do you mean?

You don't listen nothing.

What's that mean?

Nothing.

You don't listen nothing, sir?

No, you're saying something that doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, no, for me too.

I don't listen nothing in my phone.

You're stupid?

No, maybe you, peut-être.

No, I'm smart.

You're stupid.

Yeah.

I'm serious, sir.

I'm not your friend, okay?

Okay.

You're a French monkey.

Holy shit.

Was that him?

No, that wasn't him.

That was some other fucking chaffy fucking French bastard.

God.

That was kind of testy.

Fucking asshole.

You heard him.

You wonder, I think all the French women want dick because all the French men are fucking.

Fucking dicks.

Smelling shit.

They figure out there's something there.

Smelling shit.

And they don't eat pussy.

American men, we eat pussy really good.

You know, they don't.

French men don't.

Yes, hi, Bruno.

Bruno, yes, I wanted to show you how to eat vagina, you know?

Hello.

Jesus Christ, dude.

I know.

I don't know what the fuck.

I don't know.

I just talked to him for a little bit.

I get him.

Yeah, and all those French girls, they smoke cigarettes, and that's hot.

That's sexy, you know, girls smoking cigarettes.

Even while you're fucking up, you're smoking cigarettes.

Oh, yeah, man.

That's even better.

And you take the cigarette, and you burn it in your ass.

Then you donkey punch.

When you're not doing something right, she just blows the smoke right in your face.

you do something wrong you slip and you hit the taint smoke on your face all right yeah i don't

know aaron they don't like me they seem to be fans of you of your show well you're a you know uh

you're descendant of the spaniards and the french don't like spaniards so none of them like each

other those euros i don't i still don't understand how white people can be racist against other white

people i don't get it it's all the same man we all bleed red you know what i mean all right uh

Here's Mr. Ray Williams in England.

Oh, let me talk to him.

All right, Ray Williams, sir.

Ray Williams taught.

Ray Ray.

Call him Ray Ray.

See what he says.

What's up, Ray Ray?

Being interested in that ass and hanging out with Reggie.

Reggie and Lysol in the bathroom.

Okay.

That's it?

Please call later.

That's all they give you?

Jeez.

Try them again.

Yeah, Aaron, it's not that I don't want to do your show.

This is hard for me.

Oh, no, that's no sweat.

I know.

I work doubles on Friday night, Saturday morning.

Well, I remember I called you the other day, and you were in like the...

It sounded like you were inside of a turbine.

Yeah.

You were in the server.

I get such a headache with all that noise.

Wear some earplugs, dude.

Fuck around like that.

No, we do.

They make us...

We're supposed to wear earplugs.

They get uncomfortable, but I put them in usually halfway through the shift.

I do the ear muffs.

I go full over ear.

I can't do the ear muffs.

some of the ears get too hot so i use these the ones you put inside you know but i was on ebay i

was looking they got these earmuffs the earmuffs the cups you know but you can connect uh an ipod

to them they got the little audio thing i was like oh i might do that you know yeah i'm i actually i

was trying to step up my audio for yesterday's show i went and bought a little tiny mixer that

has a usb uh well in and out so it basically acts as a whole nother sound card okay but then it

It has stereo jacks and such.

So the guy forgot to give me the fucking cord.

What a dick.

And then I need an actual, a real microphone.

My headset mic won't work.

Oh, okay.

I see.

I'm shopping for a condenser mic here on.

Like an XLR kind of thing?

Yeah, an XLR.

It has to be XLR.

Yeah.

I don't know.

What do I got here?

I got a Shure mic.

The Shure stuff, S-H-U-R-E is pretty good.

shure yeah i bought myself on amazon i bought a mixer and a shore mic i got a sm58 and it's

pretty good yeah yeah or you can well you can get you know milkman i think i told you about that one

but milkman i got him one for christmas and he loves it the uh headset he's using right now i

don't know if he's using it right now but he is see how loud he sounds i know i yeah i was i mean

i i didn't know that milkman actually sounded like that i thought that he uh sounded like a

a small Puerto Rican man.

Like an effeminate Puerto Rican man,

but now that I hear his actual voice.

Makes you think.

All right, here's Anthony Marsden and say,

let's see if they answer for you, Aaron,

since the last one they got.

Anthony Marsden.

The satellites.

UK says we're supposed to ask about the gas.

UK who, Godfather?

No, sorry.

That's true.

They've got to run on gas.

Welcome to voicemail.

The person you have called is un...

Damn it.

All right, next one is Paul Atkins.

Let's all pray for an answer here.

So we can do prank calls.

We'll pray to the new Pope.

Yeah, man.

A new Argentinian Pope.

Pope Francis.

He's a prank call fan, you know.

That'd be cool.

Hello?

Hello.

Hello, this is Brent calling from the gas machine,

UK Gas Administration machine.

Can you hear me?

Who's this speaking, sir?

This is Mr. Brent Westwood calling from UK Gas Machines.

Jesus Christ, I was trying to be kind.

You chaffy Brit motherfucker.

take the phone out of your mouth tell him you're pretty polite hello hello listen you chaffy brit

motherfucker take the phone out of your ass listen to me all right let me apologize and

i'll put you back on okay okay yeah then we'll pray for the pipe

how gauche all right no answer so here's michael moffitt yeah i did a call last night where i

called this guy this hispanic guy and got him really angry and then i called back and then

and tried to get him to pray for Pope Francis with me.

That was funny.

This sucks.

This sucks that I'm not hearing these shows, man.

Damn it.

This sucks.

I'll start pumping them out.

Well, put them on edited so I can hear them at least.

Like, share them privately.

Like, I put them on Dropbox.

Okay, yeah, I can do that.

Welcome to voicemail.

Well, the main problem with my...

I'm going to fix it really soon

because it's all on Skype recorder,

so anytime Skype crashes like that...

Let's start a new one.

Yeah, and then it comes all together.

Get them all together.

You know what?

You can open Audacity.

Just run Audacity.

You can record on Audacity for the whole thing?

That's what I hear.

You just keep it running.

Good voicemail.

You just have to set it to record your stereo mix.

Yeah, that works.

Yeah, don't get me started on stereo mix, dude.

Oh, that's right.

Your stereo, never mind.

Whatever it is you use for your output for the stream,

set it to record that.

if it's mike or whatever i don't know i forgot what yeah well the what what this this uh this

little box that i just bought is going to do is so i can play the music and it won't come out

through my speakers and then because on the stream all the people that are coming out of

skype is going in through my internal mic i mean i've i've figured out how to put it like uh with

a towel down in my special recording room which is in my laundry room special place special spot

i got you yeah i know that's that's uh because we can never get that stereo mix working so you

just pipe it back in it's cool because i corporate has this really cool sound to him though through

that though it's it's kind of oh really yeah i don't know it's like you can tell it's like that

but it sounds kind of i don't know it's hard well we you know the what the what we relegated to is

it's just like oh shit textings uh it's just like old madhouse okay old school there you go well

Oh, well, that's good.

You will be able to pipe it through the mixer.

You'll be back in the gift.

Then I was thinking about using one of those Raspberry Pi little computers.

They're $30.

I don't know if those have any audio coming out.

That might be another option, too.

Oh, yeah.

I just saw that in one of my magazines that came the other day.

I want to get one of those just to mess around with it.

They're like $35, a little miniature computer the size of an Altoids box.

Did you happen to catch any of the show on Friday?

Yes, actually I did.

I heard most of it while I was at work.

It was cutting in and out sometimes, but yeah, I did.

The psychic call was pretty good.

They were trying to shut down the fucking movie theater.

The movie theater, yeah, yeah.

I heard that.

The special glasses and shit like that, yeah.

Yeah, but fuck, I almost forgot.

I got to mention, Tox is doing that show Friday nights at 10 p.m.,

and I got to add him to the Madhouse webpage.

page uh but everyone make sure to catch uh tux and i did not by the fire who else is on polka

with him that polka broad tux and okay ice goose ice goose very i guess yep they're doing a good

job good work thanks for uh starting and being a man that cracked me up getting about four times

the listeners that psr does welcome to bg on for one damn it man i get so tired of hearing that

That will have the same system just about

Did Ted ever come back or did he go by the side

He dropped and he never came back

I didn't try to call him back

But he didn't call back in either

So we're blaming it on him

Hello your call cannot be taken at the moment

Man striking out here

Might be time to wrap it up

And I'm going to try to hit up request a prank

Also see if there's anything we can salvage from there

I sent you some one-bedroom apartments for it.

It's the only answer to this little beat.

Well, let's do that.

Okay.

We'll try it.

It is late.

I got to get back.

I don't know why.

Last week, I didn't do any Request a Prank this week.

I haven't yet.

Sorry, guys.

Stop it.

Why are you doing that?

Hello?

Why do you hit the buttons on the phone like that?

Hello?

This is Edward Wright.

Yes.

Yeah, we're calling from UK Gas Administration, Royal Gas Administration.

You're ringing at the wrong time, aren't you?

Yeah, I know.

No, there's a national crisis with the gas.

Do you know how the gas is running low right now?

No.

Well, it is.

We have a crisis.

We don't have enough gas for all the homes.

We're going to be shutting off your gas here in about 30 minutes.

Were you using the heating at all?

Okay.

It's going to be off for 24 hours.

You only get to use the gas once every other day.

Right.

All right.

Now, is your hot water electric or gas-powered?

It's gas-powered.

It's gas-powered?

Okay.

Yeah.

Do you have any containers there that you can put hot water in?

No, no.

You want to put as much hot water as you can in containers and put it away

so you have hot water for the rest of the day.

It'll stay hot.

Right.

What the fuck?

I'm calling back.

That sounds like Nunu's dad right there or his brother, Juan.

I don't know.

Fucker.

You're speaking seriously, asshole.

That makes no sense.

I'm going to save hot water.

Hello.

Yeah, listen.

Listen, I made a mistake, because if you put the hot water in a container, it's going to get cold after a while.

Yeah, I think it will.

Yeah, so what can we do then?

Can I go back to bed now?

Are you married?

I'm 89 years old, and I've just got out of bed.

Oh, okay.

Are you going to stay awake?

No, I'm not.

I'm going to try and go back to bed.

Oh, can I come over and kiss you on your body?

Are you a comedian or what?

What the hell's going on here?

I'm a pervert.

You're a pervert?

Yes.

Yes, I'm a pervert.

I want to see your underwear.

Yes, you're Canadian.

I'm a pervert.

You're a pervert.

Oh, man.

I have been really perverted this show tonight.

Are you Canadian?

Are you a pervert?

Bastard.

Here's Paul.

What's this?

Paul Redfern.

Redfern.

You do this, Aaron.

Redfern.

All right.

If your friend or relative

please leave your message after the tone.

If you're trying to sell us something, please note this phone is on the telephone preference list, and you should not be ringing us.

Goodbye.

Okay, we'll call them again.

We should definitely ring them back, I think is what she said.

Welcome to the messaging service.

Let's start selling the bitch something.

Yeah.

Hello?

That's the first time I've ever heard her answering a machine message in the UK.

I mean, I've only called there.

I think a friend told you to call.

They want to buy something.

We'll sell them extra gas units.

Shark Steam.

Hello?

I'm confused.

Is there something wrong with your phone, ma'am?

You should not be ringing us.

Goodbye.

Hello?

Who's calling?

This is Mr. West.

We're calling, Mom.

I don't know who you are.

Hello.

I would like to sell you some extra gas units.

We're having a gas shortage.

You're just a turn in the net.

You've had me out of bed three times.

Will you stop?

Will you mind on the please?

We just wanted you to answer.

You're just a turn in the net.

That's all we wanted was an answer.

I know.

You should have answered the phone the first time.

What's her name again?

We went out to call a third time.

I forgot.

It's Redfern.

Paul Redfern.

Redfern.

Hello.

If you're a friend or a relative, please leave your message after the tone.

Leave a message because you know she can hear you.

Oh, yeah.

That's awesome.

Yeah, I got it.

And you should not be ringing us.

Goodbye.

Hello, Ms. Redfern.

This is Mr. Westwood calling from the UK Gash Administration Machines.

We're offering a package for you to buy some extra gas units for 37 pounds per therm.

Please turn my call at 012-828-67810.

Thank you.

What the hell is a therm?

Is that a real term?

I've never heard of that before.

Have you ever looked at your gas bill before?

I don't pay for gas.

I don't believe in gas.

No, my apartment complex pays for my gas

And I never had gas in Florida

Nah, you just get gas every other night

He passes gas

Gas in the culo

Yeah, out the culo

Fart in my hand and smell it

Fart in your hand and smell it

There's a guy named Fort Wayne Nut in the chat

Wanting you guys to prank his ex

Oh yeah? Okay

There you go, well good, number would help

thank you name i'll just start hold on what's her name i'll just start yelling it out yeah

uh this is would you please call my ex-boyfriend and tell him that he's being a bad employee

and he's gonna be fired but don't say who told you to do it all right this is we're gonna tell

him we're gonna fucking tell him the name is dennis hess yeah but where does he work there

fort way nut come on now okay you work at the showgirl three strip club and he didn't clean

Clean the bathroom good.

Okay.

You guys got that Showgirl 3 strip club?

And he cleans the toilets?

Well, he's a semen mopper.

Oh, if he works in the strip club, maybe he's found a hooker turd.

They're a rare commodity.

I'll pay extra for a hooker turd.

All those hookers use drugs in the bathroom anyway.

That's why a turd's hard to come by.

Found a dime bag in a strip club.

Please leave a name.

No answer there.

He definitely sounds like a guy that would work in that type of place.

Denny.

Instead of Dennis.

Denny.

yeah we were talking last night about names

you want to give your daughter

she turns into a stripper like

Mercedes

Star

Porsche

name your daughter after a car she will definitely be a stripper

Brandy with an I

Barbie

yeah there you go

Candy

it's all bullshit I go to a strip club and they'll tell me their name

I'm like what's your real name

dude in quotes like okay Brandy

whatever

It makes them laugh.

It actually makes them laugh.

And then you get in their pants.

No, fuck that.

What do we got?

Freight Company, YRYRC Freight.

Ask about any shipment.

They search it by pro numbers.

They look like, what?

And they're in Boise, okay.

Well, we already called Boise tonight.

Why not?

Let's do it again.

Just a thing of that Fort Wayne nut to keep calling him no matter what.

He's abusive.

He's abusive?

Well, fuck him.

We'll call him next week.

We'll abuse him.

What an asshole.

So I hope he didn't abuse you.

We'll kick his ass.

Yeah.

Fort Wayne, Indiana.

Is that right?

Fort Wayne, Indiana, right?

Isn't that where it is?

Yep.

Turn to.

Where is he?

Yeah, is this a freight company?

Yes.

Yeah, listen, I've been trying to send freight from one city to another,

and they're not sharing across the region.

You're trying to do what now?

I've been trying to send freight from one city to another in my region,

and like i the the freight port that i built in this one city called carlson it said it's full

it's got all the all the plots are full of freight but they won't send it to the town next door you

know yeah yeah so why is it not working uh you'd have to talk to customer service about that well

i did and they said they can't fix it that it's a problem on my end the way i built the city

Like, I built a connection to the highway system and everything, but they're not sending the freight over.

Now, I have another city that does all the oil stuff, and that's working fine.

Okay, who is this now?

I build five commercial lots in the city.

My name is Cross, and I'm the mayor of Carlson.

Okay.

I built the city of Carlson, okay, and I put, I have a streetcar depot here, all right?

I got a city hall, and I put the trade building on the city hall,

and then they said a customer service said if i build the trade thing in the city hall

that they'll send the freight over but they're not trading the stupid freight and the freight

lot's full and i can see the boxes of freight and everything but the stupid trucks they go and they

they go in there and they turn around they keep going around in circles in my city i'll wash them

i turn the freight map view on and everything on the computer and they just go up and down back

and forth on the street and then i got ground pollution also in the area and i don't know how

How do you fix ground pollution?

Are you calling about SimCity?

Yeah.

Well, this is YRC.

We don't handle that, man.

Oh.

Oh, well, that's my mistake, then.

Okay.

How the fuck did he know that?

I knew right what was going on.

He probably plays it.

I couldn't keep going because I was about to bust out laughing really bad.

We call about SimCity.

How the hell does that redneck know about SimCity?

Ask for his own virgin ID.

That was funny.

oh shit oh man i can't believe that small world actually yeah you're right i should ask him for

his origin id right oh my god uh let's keep going here see if i got any more i'm sure i got more

requests to pranks i'm looking for yours here ken i'll get to them overload send a number here a

lady who's a loose cannon brenda porter call her and pose as at&t's high usage team tell her she's

way over her data usage told her to stop looking at so much porn okay it was a fucking uh napasa

cobra that guy is the fucking he sucks all the bandwidth yep hey uh carlo you know i'm gonna

get her on the line if she asks for a manager do one of those like transfer you and then act like

you got her on hold and talk back stupid asshole bitch here for the manager hello yes hi hi is this

brenda yeah hi brenda porter my name is cross i'm calling from at&t's high usage department team

machine

for what we're calling from i'm calling from

from AT&T High Usage Team.

We're calling about the data usage on your iPhone.

What's wrong with it?

Well, you've been using too much data.

You're maxed out,

and you're being charged five cents per kilobit right now.

I just wanted to let you know

because you're probably going to get a pretty large bill in the mail.

I don't understand why that is.

Well, it's showing here you've been going to certain websites,

pornographic websites,

and you've been streaming high-def porno videos,

Meetspin.com.

No, not on my phone.

I haven't.

How often have you been going to this Meetspin.com movie?

Go to what?

Meetspin.com.

I don't even know why that's even on my phone, sir.

You've got somebody else you're making wrong accusations to.

Brenda Porter.

It shows here Brenda Porter, and it shows that you sat and you watched Meetspin.

It's a video.

No, I have not, sir.

It's not on this phone.

I don't even know what you're even talking about.

It's a homosexual video website.

I'm going to call AT&T in the morning because I don't understand why I'm getting a call at 1 o'clock in the morning.

Well, because we're shutting off your cell phone in 20 minutes unless you come to an agreement that you're going to pay this on time.

No, I don't know what you're talking about.

You have to go to an AT&T center and make a payment on this or it's going to get disconnected.

Don't call an attorney.

Tell her that you're going to charge her 5 cents per spin on meat spin.

5 cents per spin.

She's been looking at a lot of spins.

I was about to transfer you, Ken.

Sorry, man.

Shit, I'd be broke.

Yes, you have.

You've reached Brandon's cell phone, and like usual, I'm extremely busy.

Extremely busy, man.

I see you're watching porno.

You've reached 946 spins.

Cobra, it's already done.

Yes, you have.

You've reached Brandon's cell phone, and like usual, I'm extremely busy.

Oh, yes, you have.

Well, that one goes out to Overload.

Thanks for sending that in, Overload.

We had fun with that.

But I keep wanting to say overlord instead.

Here's one of Ken's numbers.

She would like to share her one-bedroom apartment with another girl.

But Ken finds out sexist and thinks we should bring a suit upon her.

That's what I'm talking about.

Take my suit off and put it on her.

This is Irina.

Urina?

Irina?

There it goes.

You don't hear the girls doing the one-bedroom thing very often.

It's the first one I think we've ever done.

We could call that broad with the dirty pics on her phone also.

That was really hot.

My God.

It's called Panty Guy back now, that's later.

Yeah, yeah, Panty Guy.

Hello?

Yeah, this is Yerina.

Yes.

Hi, Yerina.

I see that you got a one-bedroom apartment for rent.

Yes.

Does it have to be a girl?

It has to be a girl, yeah.

But I'm a nice guy.

I'm not going to do anything.

I have a boyfriend.

I don't look at girls.

I don't get attracted to them or anything.

It's not funny.

I like tits.

No, it's not about that.

It's just for my comfort.

i like tits i like i like my girlfriend living with me so it's um i like tits

nothing personal yeah i just i said i like um i like tits i said you're not listening where do

where do you live by the way because i i see your phone number from nevada yeah i just moved here

oh you just moved to la from vegas i mean i moved here to why don't you listen to me

I want you, I can, yeah, I can, I can kind of show you a place so you have an idea.

It's, um, one, yeah, no, it's okay.

It's one bedroom apartment and, um, whoever moves in, he can take, um, either bedroom

or living room, it's not really a matter for me, so, and it's, it's not that big space,

but um blah blah blah blah blah there for two years three years ago so i know that two people

gonna pitch here so yeah hello yeah yeah hello yeah i've been trying to interrupt and tell you

something for a while but you keep talking over me i couldn't hear you oh i said i like tits

sorry i like tits tits you know tits what is that the breasts on the woman do you like them also

Aren't they beautiful?

I can't hear you.

I'm sorry.

The connection is really bad.

You cunt.

Oh, my God.

She's stupid.

I bet the connection was bad.

Yeah, I bet.

Stupid bitch.

The whole time, it sounded like a recording.

Jesus.

God, shut up.

Anyway, here's another one.

It wants to share a studio apartment for $450.

No clue if it's a man or a woman, says Ken.

Come on, Ken.

What's wrong with you?

Get with it.

I drink too much.

Do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do.

Yeah, Branfrog, Kelly Kapoor, just like her.

Just talks right over everybody.

We had 76 people in the chat room today.

That's pretty good.

Please leave your message for...

I'll try them again.

The jury's still out if that's a man or woman.

No, we're still not sure.

It is L.A., you never know.

Yeah, go to Bed, Dark Stranger.

Go now.

Please leave your message for...

Getting no answer there.

Where here instead is, where's the name?

No name, but a female looking to share a studio apartment.

I can't imagine living in a studio apartment so small by myself, let alone sharing it.

You have reached the Void Mailbox of...

I'm going to try two more of these and we're going to call it a night.

Yeah.

Brother and sister duo moving to L.A. this weekend looking for a place to stay,

and they want a studio apartment.

Well, if they want to have sex in front of me, they can stay for free.

You know, that's the, what was the Popper's guy said?

That's the best sin?

Does anybody said something stupid like that about the brother and sister?

Yeah, the best sin.

Something like that.

He said something weird.

Poirotism?

Yeah.

A brother and sister doing each other is the best sin.

That guy was weird, man.

Forgot about Lopez, Ice Cream, Mikey129, and Crackers the Shark.

Hi, you've reached Jewel.

Please leave your name and number, and I'll give you a call.

Jewel, who will save your soul?

Just skip back to the panty fucker from the beginning.

all right well let me do one more of these living room things and this is a living room to rent are

you freaking kidding me nine by ten wow god the jail cell shit all right here we go and then

we'll call panty guy back wake him up panty guy it's just like having a fucking jail cell a nine

by ten fucking room and the dirty girl pablo says uh jules i don't think that's a hooker name

jule stripper name yeah i just think of jule the singer and she's pretty i like her i'd bang her

Jewel is a hot little wild cat.

Yeah, she is.

She was on Howard a few weeks ago.

She's really cool, actually.

Like a little wiggly tooth, though, man.

That's cool.

On number 562, area code.

Okay, good.

Fort Wayne, what did this guy do to Fort Wayne?

Mikey says to ask if they allow the blacks for this space.

On number 562, area code 232.

Thanks for telling us this is the area code.

We'd be confused.

Anyway, all right, so I'm going to call Dirty Girl back first,

and then we'll call Penny People, and then that's it.

wildcat and i was trying to hear yeah man game of thrones next week you know but i'll just watch

it on hbo go that's what i did the last season are we doing a good old easter show next week

yeah it is easter isn't it sure why not google save your soul it comes to the fucking now

Please leave your message for 20891.

Nope.

We'll not do that.

And now I've got to search for that number here.

What was it?

A laundry basket, right?

That's what it led to.

That's where it started.

Ended up with panties.

That's just how weird that she actually said that, though.

She wasn't going to go through with the whole panty thing.

She was going to take them off in front of me, man.

Already would have been all over that.

It was a real world.

Moving stuff yesterday.

But I think her boyfriend was like, hey, man.

No.

should i ask him if he's got the got the the pictures yet yeah that's what i'm gonna say

i got the fucking pictures ask if you can have some of his i really can't believe that one girl

though i actually admitted yeah she's got dirty pictures so what none of your business please

leave your message for jeremy jeremy no answer from jeremy guys that's it it's it's over show's

over well thanks for being on there uh gentlemen been great dirty aaron you'll be on uh maybe next

next saturday i don't know uh probably not for another two three weeks i'll i'll bust out some

podcastings to keep the keep the uh the listener people happy all right when you uh get enough of

those banked up then i can add them to the rotation and they'll play automatically oh yeah

and then i'll see if i can edit down uh um uh let's see here there was somebody uh uh ted d12

12M&M was offering, or Enigma was offering to do some edits for me,

so I might just ship those over to him.

Yeah, you can put those on your site and get with Ted

and have him put them on his rotation.

And I'll put them on mine too, you know.

Yeah, yeah, that would be awesome.

Yeah, but anyway, when you get enough shows banked,

I can add them, you know, so that they'll come on on your normal time.

So on nights that you don't come on, at least there's a Brent Westwood show,

you know, so people hear something, you know, so you don't lose your flavor.

All right, Aaron, take care, man.

Good seeing you.

All right, buddy.

Yeah, I didn't see you at all.

Did you see my beard?

Yeah, yeah.

It looks nice, man.

You look very Amish.

Amish Mafia.

Like Rick Ross.

All right, man.

See you later.

All right, man.

Bye.

It's Rick Ross, everybody.

And Ken, you're out of here on your ass, man.

Well, thanks for being here.

See you guys later.

Bye.

And Baz.

Bye, Baz.

See you later, man.

All right.

See you later, man.

Thanks for being on.

See you.

All right, Milkman, you wanted funky chimes, you told me when we talked earlier.

earlier we've reached that favorite time in the evening for those that wouldn't have it soon

it's time to roll them funky chams my brother i lied i'm not gonna play him anyway so

that's right everybody another action-packed episode right here in the house that's right

But I'd like to thank everybody for stopping by.

That's right, our good friend, the Lonesome Loser, all fist held high, man.

You are the man.

Thank God.

Thank gosh, you're our man, the Lonesome Loser.

Also, I'd like to thank everybody who stopped by 98.6 The Mouth,

overloading our chat here and blowing us out of the water.

And I sure hope you had as much fun as I did,

because it was pretty good bashing a few of you around there.

And we'll keep you on our list.

Nothing wrong with that.

You're always welcome here.

That's right, in the Madhouse.

You know why we want to welcome you, our listeners, our dear beloved fans.

We do this every week for you.

The most interesting action show you can find right here on the Internet.

That's right.

We drop the dime on the asses that you give us the time to bring a friend,

or better yet, bring an enemy.

But you know what?

They're always welcome right here in the Madhouse.

That's right.

We do it out with the Generalissimo, though.

My goodness, the fearless leader of the Madhouse for this show.

Here's Juanito.

Man, thank you.

so much. You know how many

lives you saved? I don't even think

you got a clue by your

wonderful show today and the presentations

made right here. Because I know, I could

have run over probably a hundred more people

had I not done this show tonight

tomorrow. Anybody got

that? No. Think about it.

Everyone, I love you, man. Over to you, big

brother. Panties, everybody. Panties.

That's the name of the game. Alright.

Been a very perverted show. I'm gonna go

take a shower. Alright, guys.

Thanks for tuning in

We'll catch you next week

For an Easter special

Where we'll have a special

Easter basket

That I will be giving away

Don't miss that

Be sure not to miss that

Alright

Yeah

Be sure to tune in

Friday for Tux and Fred's

And Saturday for Dirty Aaron

Maybe

And then RBCP maybe

And then Sunday for me

Yay

Bye

Thanks everyone

For sending in numbers

Y'all right

We just came through

To check y'all niggas

You know what I'm saying

To show some love

I'm saying us niggas

don't know how long we gonna be here feel me so enjoy this enjoy yourselves and then we out of here

rest in peace odb uh hey you guys have a cohiba cohiba's there yes we do have a red dot you have

the red dots yeah you're not supposed to you're not supposed to have the red dots though why

because they're from cuba no those are from philly banking no no no no no listen i just came back

from a cruise and i went to barbados and they explained the whole thing to me the red dots are

from cuba and then the other ones are from the dominican republic and if you have the cigars

that are from cuba you're going to get in trouble now i snuck some in from you know what i did i

took the the bands off and i put them in my luggage i didn't find them i know no habibi no

i am not i'm not your love i got your phone number you know that what do you want i i want

It's from the Dominican Republic. You don't understand?

No, Red Dots are from Cuba, you bastard.

It's here, Red Dots, San Diego, LA, Republic, Dominican.

How is San Diego?

It's from the Dominican.

San Diego is not in...

Do you want me to show you a voice?

I'm going to report you to the naturalization and they're going to take you away, Habibi.

Habibi?

Yeah, Olmec is right here. Olmec is here with me right now.

your mother who your mother olmec right here who's i'm cannot i'm gonna call i got your number

can i call right away police uh-huh you are harassing us i'm putting a report you have

you have illegal come in i have everything legal 100 percent oh you worry about it it's in the

shelf i have proof here that you have cuban cigars there so you you try to sell me right now you try

to sell me illegal cuban cigars so i have a cohiba red dot from from cuba a philippine king not from

republic of cuba red dots are from dominican republicans how you doing that are from cuba

right yeah well you know what this is now belongs to police i just called him that's okay no but i

just want to get i want to let you know i'm like i'm i'm i'm dropping listen listen i'm dropping

the case i'm dropping the case against you because you were right and i was wrong it's

the yellow bands that are from cuba not the red dots right right i'm sorry well like yeah that's

yeah would you please come to the store why well you're gonna hurt me you're gonna threaten me

you're ready to threaten me no i'm not no no no the police officer he want to come here now what

time no i don't know he cannot call me right now well you want to call me back i don't want to

deal with you man i'm really sorry i don't know you and you've been harassing me saying bad words

in arabic and that's how that's uh you know i'm gonna sue you habibi habibi habibi listen yeah

yeah what can i ask you a question what do you have anyone i am a hundred percent here with the

law and the police officer love them i have contact with everyone wait a minute so they

were gonna take care with everything uh shiraz listen if i if you're guilty you're gonna bleed

guilty shut up listen no no no not guilty not guilty not guilty what are you gonna do when

Are you going to cut my hand off with a sword? Is that what you're going to do?

No, no, no. I'm not going to do anything. I just called police officers.

Are you going to behead me in front of the town square in front of everybody?

No, thanks. No, no.

Now, when you say you're with Allah, you're 100%...

I am trying to talk.

Thank you very much.

I'm trying.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you! Fuck you! Fucking penis! Yes!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Hello?

Yeah, hey.

Is there any white people there that are making a lot of noise?

You people stop it right now.

Hello?

Excuse me?

There's some white people over there making a lot of noise.

God damn it.

You need to keep the noise down and turn down the TV and all that music and all that racket.

We're in Massachusetts.

Where are you?

I'm in Orlando.

I want you people to keep the damn sound down.

Keep it down.

Because you can hear my TV from fucking Massachusetts to Orlando?

No, because my grandmother's calling me here in Orlando.

She's telling me you people make too much noise and that you're never quiet.

And she's asking me for advice, and before I tell her to call the police or call on myself, I'm going to...

Okay, well, you can go ahead and call the police because there's no elderly people that live next to us.

Yes, she does.

I think that's the wrong number.

She don't see her because she says she's on dialysis.

She can't leave the room, but she's in elder care.

She has a hospice.

They're taking...

My family's making hospices for her.

Inside the room, she has a dialysis machine in there, and she can't do the machine because of the fact that you keep the TV too damn loud.

Okay, and where does your grandmother live?

She lives in Massachusetts.

I thought we already talked about this.

Okay, did you give me my address?

You turned the TV down right now.

Listen, I'm going to call the police in Orlando on you.

How's that?

Listen, woman, I already called the police in Massachusetts State Police, as a matter of fact.

Okay.

You don't even know where I live.

You live in Massachusetts.

I called the Massachusetts State Police.

I talked to this Irish drunken mick cop who said he was going to write you up, write papers up.

Fucking insane.

Red Sox suck.

You suck.

Your mama sucks in the Red Sox.

That is right.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Hate you.

Are you done?

Hate you so much I want to fart in the phone.

I wish you could start.

I wish the fucking God you'd smell it.

I wish you'd get sick and throw up.

Throw up all night to buy a new phone.

You fucking disgust me.

Your sauce is disgusting.

Calls (34, 1 h 50 min of 3 h 23 min)

Transcript

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