The Infinity Key

Fine, if you don't want $100, free money, fine.

I don't give $150.

You don't want glasses?

Okay, well, I guess you're wrong and you're crazy and you should find another god.

What's my fucking cock, you motherfucking fucking prick?

If you were here right now, I would take your fucking head and I would fucking destroy you.

I'm telling you, I would fucking destroy you.

You motherfucking cunt.

You couldn't fucking destroy a fucker.

I'm not playing no fucking games, man.

I fuck you, son of a bitch.

Stop making a stupid comment.

you're out of your crazy mind you ain't getting no goddamn dollars i'll fuck you all my blood

just my pussy why don't you piss off you're listening to the madhouse radio prank cast

fucker people and everybody we are here i am carlito the host of the madhouse machine

with me as usual is the milkman machine milkman is here yeah also jen stewart is here

rolling start man that's like that game daytona usa they're like rolling start you ever play that

you ever play that milkman daytona usa the arcade game i had a song there you go man

i'm mobile right now guys rolling start i remember that game that game was a shit

What was that song you were playing just before we started rolling?

Just a minute ago, just before you started rolling.

The guy talking about his asshole?

That was KDK.

No, no, no.

There's a song, man.

It's got a beat.

Immigrant song by Led Zeppelin?

After that.

Anyway, never mind.

What are you doing after that?

I'll get it later.

Oh, I don't know, man.

I'll get it later.

I'll get it later, man.

That's a Daft Punk, the one.

Oh, geez.

I don't know.

You lost me.

The one with the launch, the rocket launch?

It was like, oh, yeah, the musical riff on the guitar will kick my butt.

Well, that's the one I've been doing for a while.

And then I just actually heard it now on the CD.

And I was like, what the fuck?

What was that?

It was like about four chords.

I don't know, man.

We'll get it.

We'll figure it out, man.

You know?

Thank you, sir.

Yeah, we'll figure it out.

Don't worry.

Don't panic.

Don't be mad.

That's Milkman in his rolling start.

Well, here we are.

It's good to have Jen.

Jen's back.

Yeah, it's good to be on and not say anything for like five fucking minutes while you were doing the intro.

Oh, this is everything.

Oh, good, fine. You don't like the intro? It's too long for you, Jim? Is that why?

Yeah, you're fucking eagerly happy waiting here, nibbling on my fingertips.

Well, normally I don't start the show until like a half hour late, so actually I'm pretty good.

We're off.

It's funny, man. Only 15 minutes, Carl.

Don't complain.

I'm not complaining.

It's April Fool's Day. I don't do April Fool's Day jokes.

I was going to say, I don't want to say April Fool's.

We've got to make people do stupid shit.

We shouldn't have done anything.

Just not even done a show.

Played an old show.

That would have gotten them.

Ha, ha, ha.

April Fool's Day.

Fuck everybody, yeah.

Good idea.

We'll have to check out, see what Google does and all the websites.

Don't they always do an April Fool's thing?

You know?

Ah, they do.

We'll check that out.

Yeah.

So here we are, sending you a request of pranks over at madhouselive.com.

Fuckers.

Are you sure we got Lonesome Loser?

Yes, we do.

Lonesome Loser is here sending in a lot of number machines to get to tonight.

A frickin' number shit, man.

Oh, yeah.

Now we're good.

We had a good show last week.

Jen, you missed it, but it was good, man.

What happened last week?

We called back people that had reported lost cell phone.

That was pretty good.

Not a lost iPhone.

What was a really good one?

Oh, the panties one, Milkman.

Remember the panties one?

that was really yes oh yeah dude yeah that was good sort of kitchen this guy was like freaking

like bottomed out this guy lost this guy uh he was moving his girlfriend's uh stuff out of her

house and i guess he had a laundry basket full of her clothes and panties and it went flying off

the highway and he posted on craigslist hey if anyone's seen this basket if you picked it up

up call me let me know so i called and said i had it but i wanted to keep some of the panties and

i wanted to smell them i wanted dirty panties and it just it was it was like a good 15 20 minutes of

anger um yeah you're willing to give them back yeah that's nice that's cool jen you like small

panties i really like to take girls really really hot girl sure yeah you smell her panties

stick them in my mouth or rub them on my face everything there you go i like doing that too

too. Sometimes. It's cool.

Jim Stewart, does he prefer the edible or the

crotchless panties, Jim Stewart? What crotchless

panties? That's, what's the point?

Which is your preference? Edible or

Edible or crotchless? What's the difference?

Well, crotchless means that it could not

necessarily be edible, but I guess you could.

Edible means no matter what.

I mean, you're sticking your face down there if there's no crotch.

Why would you, why would the, I don't get it.

There you go, you eat the, you know.

That's fun, brother.

Jim, you ever see the, you ever see the

the, uh, the panty stuffing?

uh porno before that's pretty cool too yeah i've seen that in fact i'm talking to somebody on

skype right now samantha nobody who actually wants me to call you a pony because she's listening to

the show and she wants to do this panty stuffing for me she's offering right now very good yeah

you stuff them all up in there that looks like it hurts i don't know i'm not a girl on the video

and chat video chat yeah that looks like it would be painful at panty stuffing i'm no girl but hey

Hey, that looks painful to me.

You would enjoy it, I would admit.

I would watch it, yeah.

I don't know if I would do it.

Panties are small, I guess, in comparison to a baby.

So I guess you could probably get a box of panties.

You could dump a whole box.

Well, yeah, I guess so.

I don't know.

I don't know much about women.

It's an amazing, amazing thing women have there, man.

It does all kinds of things.

It's an amazing thing that women have there.

Yes, indeed.

Very good.

A lot of pussy control, guys.

Guys, everybody know where Pussy Control is, right?

It's not between the women's legs.

It's between your ears.

I'd play that song now, Pussy Control, by Prince,

but I'm 90% certain that would get us blocked on YouTube

because Prince is a fucking asshole when it comes to his music

not being shared online, so forget that noise.

Anyway, let's do some prank calls.

Let's jump right into it here before, I don't know,

before it becomes April 1st here in the United States

and people figured we're joking them around and jerking them off on the phone here's a reward

for a missing bicycle a silver 18 speed brand stickers removed all right missing silver and

blacks bicycle a new condition when it went missing we had taken off the stickers that

say the brand of bicycle and put a reflective tape okay all right who cares please call or

text if you have seen

a bicycle. Alright.

And here's the number. Just a

moment. Lonesome recommending. Obviously

someone may have rode it for a while and

then just left it laying around or they could be

trying to sell it. Lonesome is a smart

guy, isn't he? He comes up with great ideas.

Love that guy. Jin, any

new pranks on the horizon? You been too busy, sir?

No, I've been really busy.

I haven't even

picked up the phone since I did the live show.

Have you been using

a treadmill at all? Working out?

Yeah, sometimes.

That's good.

We're nice shorts.

I like to use the cross-track.

You use bicycle shorts?

Hello?

Hey, you lost the bicycle machine.

I see.

Did what now?

You lost your bicycle machine?

No, a bicycle.

Yeah, you lost the bicycle machine.

Yeah, that's right.

It's a silver bicycle.

It was in new condition when I went missing.

Yeah, I saw a whole bunch of them that looked like they didn't belong where they were.

and one of them is silver and i could see it like where there was some reflective tape and someone

took it off already and it has no stickers on it and i think it's this guy he takes the bicycles

and he puts them inside this business that he has and he he makes it so people can get on and

exercise and things oh and he takes pictures and videos of them and everything okay yeah so how could

How did I find where that is?

You'd have to give him a call probably, and then don't tell him I called you, you know?

No, because did you try to call me a little bit ago?

No.

Oh, okay, because I got a call, and then tried to call somebody back, and it didn't work.

Oh, did you call from my number you got a call?

Oh, I'm not sure.

It was a number that was similar to yours.

Mm, okay, maybe.

But maybe not this time.

Maybe not.

No, maybe.

All right, well, I hope you find your bicycle.

Good luck with that.

Well, how could I get a hold of this guy?

Yeah, you just give him a call and say, just let him know that you had heard that he had the bicycle.

Don't tell him who I am.

Okay, but you have to tell me who he is so I know who to call.

Yeah, I understand.

And he was going around bragging that he was finding bicycles left around town,

and he puts them for sale in this place, and he puts them for rent, and people, yeah, he exercises on them and everything.

Yeah, so it's probably, I mean, he's got, you know, it's probably him.

him it was a black he tried to he tried to sell to me silver and black 18 speed yeah okay so how

do i get a hold of him yeah just give him a phone call he's he's usually up for like another hour or

two i'd give him a call i'd be real concerned about it all right okay it's gonna be hard for

me to call if you don't tell me how do i get a hold of him yeah i know just yeah just explain

it to him and i know it might be a little difficult but he'll help you out hopefully

Hopefully he'll, I'll give him a call on the side, see if I can convince him.

All right.

So how am I supposed to call this guy if you're not going to tell me who he is?

I'll probably want to pay phone so he doesn't get your real phone number.

She hung up finally, I don't know.

You told her it was me.

Yeah, there you go.

All right, I'll put her back on.

Oh, but I'm hearing an echo on your end, man.

No.

She hung in for a while, Armando.

Is the echo still there?

No.

Yeah.

I'm going to go into the other room to do this.

Oh, yeah.

Hello?

Yeah.

Yeah, I was asking you how am I going to call, are you going to tell me how I get a hold of that guy?

Yeah, yeah, I am the guy.

Okay, so you have the bicycle that got stolen is what you're saying?

It wasn't really stolen, you left it there, so I took it.

It's not, you know, it's not the same as stealing.

Oh, where was it left?

Well, you just left it in the open air like that, and I thought I'd take it.

Oh, okay.

Is that okay?

No.

Why is it not okay?

Hello?

Oh.

I'll call her back.

All right.

Yes, sir.

Right away.

What was her name?

I don't even know the fucking contact.

I don't have her name.

My cat is here.

I want to see if she'll buy it back from me.

My cat is looking as a wiener.

Trade sex for it.

Your call has been forwarded to an...

No answer there, Mr. Stewart.

Sorry, sir.

Lucky me.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

Coming up next, we've got...

I won.

Someone lost a ring, it looks like here, or something valuable.

If you have lost something, such as your ring, contact me.

google the ring finders we are a metal detecting service

okay um what can we do with that i'm trying to think of some kind of

something stupid there we could do somebody's trying to get a couple you can tell you're the

ring service as well but you do a different type of ring service and you know you're claiming

copyright on the name well yeah they're the ring finders yeah the ring yeah but you know you you

You service the ring, you know.

Amen to the king.

Burn, love, burning the ring of fire.

Who's talking about Johnny Cash song?

It's the ring of fire.

Oh, yeah, ring of fire.

There you go.

It's about hemorrhoids, that song, originally.

Right.

Burning ring of fire.

There's the burns and burns when you get hurt.

Like a burn.

This is the ring finder?

Yes, it is.

Yeah.

How long have you been in business doing this with that name?

Well, I've been for about 30 years.

And how long have you been calling yourself Ring Finders?

Well, I joined an organization.

It's an international organization.

And how long have they been around?

I don't know how long they've been, but they're in every country.

I'm just one of their people who has a territory.

Well, because I've had a business, and they've been calling me confused.

People have been calling me confused looking for your services,

and it's starting to cause a lot of trouble

because I've got business cards and everything taken out.

And I do ring finding, but not your kind of service.

You know, we teach men and women about relaxing their anuses and prostate massage and stuff like that.

Okay, are you telling me that that's what you do?

Well, yeah, we started the company called Ring Finders back in 2007.

And for the last year, I keep getting calls all the time, people saying that they need rings

and need help finding pieces of metal and jewelry and rings.

And I keep, you know, having to field these calls.

calls and i've put out advertisements and all this stuff and it's causing a lot of problems here

so i need to come to some kind of agreement because you know the type of work we do we

teach uh anal prostate massages helping couples find rings and stuff you know like the anal rings

and stuff that's where we call it you know okay well this organization is called the

the in front of it yeah and if you go on okay if you go on the internet with the ring finders

You can find the organization, and you can talk to the people who had the whole thing up.

Yeah, but everyone doesn't do that.

They're just putting in Ring Finder, and they keep finding us instead of you.

Yeah, they're not putting in Zah.

That's the difference.

So have you been taking our business and showing people how to do anal massage and things like that?

I do not show training people on how to use a metal detector.

Is that what you mean?

Anal massages and prostate massage, G-spot massage for the women.

I'm sorry, I've got people here talking.

Hold on just a second.

Tell them to shut up.

Okay, again, you're asking me by doing what with me.

What is it you do?

What is your business?

We teach couples and men to do prostate massage and self-anal massaging.

Oh, okay.

You're into a totally different, obviously.

Well, that's the kind of...

What I do is I have people who lose their ring at the beach and I go find it for them.

All right.

With a metal detector.

We help people find the special spots in the anus and the ring.

And also, you know, women have a G-spot inside the vulva.

I know, which is hard.

There's nothing to do with that at all.

I mean, can we try to work out maybe you can change your business to, like, the metal finders?

Because it's really…

It's not my business.

But you can change.

It's not my business.

My business is not that.

That line is just a part of a big company or organization throughout that's all over the world.

Well, can't you just change?

There are hundreds of people like me that are old guys who did metal detecting

and know how to find stuff, and that's where we are.

Well, there are millions of people that do self-anal massages.

Well, that's their thing. That's not mine.

Well, there's couples that do G-spot massage.

You know, you stick two fingers, and you go up, and you come back.

I don't really care about that.

Do you know how to do that?

I mean, we'd be willing to show you.

I don't give a damn about that.

That's what you're asking me.

Let's just drop it, okay?

Because I'm not interested.

We are not that.

We are a metal detecting group, okay?

And I really have no reason to talk to you further.

I have a British masseuse who's very good at anal massage.

He'd be happy to show you to find the prostate and everything.

He's not interested, Jen.

I'm sorry.

I tried to get you hooked up here.

All right.

I don't know where that takes me.

I'll tell you what.

He's not a very good potential customer after all.

but I think if a little more

you might be able to bring him in.

Let's drop the call, huh?

Listen, we also do anal bleaching.

What?

We do anal bleaching, sir.

See, all he said was let's drop the call.

He's not into it, dude.

Sorry, guys.

Boy, the offer's getting better

every moment here.

Anal bleaching, man.

I've thought about doing anal bleaching.

Yeah, it's hard to see

how this guy's resisting your offer.

Yeah, when I was getting married

for my honeymoon

I thought it'd be good

to get anal bleaching done.

but it was too expensive.

That's why we got a culo blanco.

It takes a few, you know, by the time I thought about it,

it takes a few visits, you know.

You got to go a few times to get it done.

Culo blanco.

Ugandan anal bleaching says, like, what?

Anal bleaching.

Professionals of a rogue anal bleaching.

All right, let's keep going here.

Do you think there's a video on anal bleaching?

Oh, for sure. Look it up.

We should send it to Martin Santa.

and see if he can do another international sort of conspiracy or something.

I don't mind a girl with a bleached anus, though.

That's good.

This is sick, and we don't want this.

We do not want this in the heart of Africa.

Therefore, there we are.

We do not want this in this part of Africa.

Can you imagine black people getting them in Africa,

getting their anuses bleached, and they're like white?

This is what I mean.

This is why we should send it to him,

and I think he should do a video,

And I think he should be, you know, demonstrated to all his crazy religious buddies.

But, like, the butt cheeks are all black except for the anus.

It's like Caucasian looking.

Oh, man.

Like a, ugh.

That'd be weird.

I don't know.

If it turned pink, that'd be cool, you know?

Like, you know, black girls have pink lips.

That's always fun.

You want to know, Jen, you don't mess with black girls.

And you're missing out on that brown sugar, man.

I've got an old brown leather wallet with all the goodies inside.

Please help me find this.

Thanks.

What are all the goodies?

Oh, yeah.

Sweet air?

What sweet air is this?

Condoms.

I found a torrent with, like...

Gotta go to the Caribbean.

I found a torrent...

Gotta go to the Caribbean, right, Hermano?

I found a torrent with 40 songs from pornos from the 1970s.

Playing that in the background right now.

Oh, is that what that is?

Yeah.

No wonder I can't concentrate.

I'm wondering why the fuck is this going wrong today, and it's all your porn music.

actually want to get freaky deaky right yeah yeah that's it i need to just trickle my whole

night that's a good good outro there right on time oh yeah town please record your man okay

i have no idea what that was but okay i was really good man they were better than me

they were better than me i thought we called milkman over there

well happy easter to everybody you know jen it's a is it a national holiday there

tomorrow instead of bank holiday we don't yeah they don't consider today uh okay they don't

consider the holiday over here in the states anymore um no one gets it off really but it's

cesar chavez it's not every year at easter it's just it just happens to fall in with easter this

year i think is it cesar chavez day over there too again is it uh cesar chavez day it's cesar

chavez day no cesar chavez day what yeah that's in california right milkman cesar chavez yeah

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, that's right, brother.

He's the king of the Mexicans, man.

That's gay.

We don't have anything like that.

He was like the Martin Luther King of Mexicans.

Oh, yeah, that dude.

Yeah, right.

He was like one of the patriots, man.

Yeah.

He fought for Mexican equal rights and grapes.

He wanted grapes.

That's right.

All the farmers and stuff.

And the poor people that were getting ripped by the commercial farmers.

He went out and unionized them and started, you know, at least bringing attention to the fact that they're basically being worked to death.

it's a bank holiday as you say in some of the states like three or four of them california

being the major one i think texas also a few more um apparently google their google doodle for the

day instead of making an easter themed one this year they made it a julius they made it i made

it a cesar chavez one and there's a big controversy that they uh didn't make it after easter then to

make it an easter egg they made it a picture of cesar chavez smiling i didn't see it well

Well, obviously, I wouldn't say because I'm in the U.K.

Yeah, you do the .UK.

Yeah.

They got a street right here named right after him.

It's a big, long-ass street right here.

Yeah, that's cool.

That's just a...

Yeah.

It's a Chavez street.

You seem like a cool dude.

He's a good boxer, too, you know?

That's a different guy.

Named after him, I believe.

Julio Cesar Chavez.

All right, so no answer at the Wallet Machine.

Here's Chuck's Steakhouse of Hawaii.

Chuck's Steakhouse?

Yeah, Chuck's Steakhouse.

Steakhouse.

Steakhouse. Steakhouse. Yep. Mm-hmm. House is Steakhouse.

Oh, yeah. Let me do it. Let me do it.

You got it, buddy. Hey, man.

Chuck's Steakhouse.

Jen, if I could see you, I'd kiss you on the forehead, right?

Turn it.

I'd mess up your hair a little bit.

Good evening, Chuck. This is Brittany. How may I help you?

Hello, Brittany. This is Jen Stewart from the Meat Spin Foundation. How are you today?

I'm good.

Is it possible to speak to the manager or the supervisor over there?

Sorry, where are you from again?

I'm from the United Kingdom. I'm from Meat Spin.

We're an organization and we're health conscious about, you know, the international meat scandal.

About horse meat and dog meat that's being sold into the market internationally.

Hold on.

Yes.

We'll see what we can get him to do.

Pretty busy right now, but you can call back between 9 and 11 tomorrow morning.

Actually, it's very important, you see, because of the international scandal.

I don't know if you've been made aware, but actually your place there has been listed.

I'm sorry, but we're actually very busy and we don't have time.

But we are the Department of the Government.

Hello.

What a lesbian.

She said that it was a prank call, like that all rude and nasty she said.

Oh, really?

Oh, yeah.

Fucking bitch.

She said all nasty.

Really?

I'm going to call her back.

I'm going to say it to her.

That's terrible.

Getting in touch.

This is Gina.

How can I help you?

Listen.

Yeah, that's extremely rude.

Why would you claim it was a prank call?

We're a legitimate business.

Please don't call back again.

We really are busy.

Okay, I asked to speak to your manager.

Hello?

What a bitch.

God.

She's a real cunt.

Yeah, she is, right?

I want to eat there.

Who knows what she does with that meat?

But I guess it was pretty obvious with the stupid accent.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have to be more convincing.

You do.

Maybe it's your accent.

Yeah.

Maybe you should change it.

No.

Maybe you should speak like a normal person.

Like a who?

Like a normal person.

Like an American.

I'm sorry.

That's rude.

I'm sorry.

All right.

You should get somebody to visit Meatspin, though.

Oh, man.

Is this still up?

let me check i know it had gone down sometime in the month meet spin all right let me go to meet

let's see if we got the music yeah it's working still yeah it was down for a few days uh every

march 13th i think it uh the domain registry on it expires but someone always someone always yeah

it happened the last two years in a row someone always picks it up again how can you not pick

pick that up man that's like you know it's all it's fucking wind okay

anyway let's look at

some more prank calls here my shoulders hurting me jim you got any suggestions for that something

than i could do ice ice yeah thanks yeah good idea put ice on it for 10 minutes just wait 20

minutes then put it on again for 10 minutes take anti anti-inflammatories and that's all about

i thought it was 15 minutes on 15 minutes off no no that's 10 minutes on 20 minutes off okay

all right and then you do rice rice right yeah press ice compression compression elevation yes

Yeah, see, I paid attention in that class also.

And you should probably do, like, basic movement with it as well, like rotation, that sort of thing.

Yeah, I mean, I saw a doctor about it, and she gave me some exercises to do, and I do them.

Some stretches?

I do them once a day, dude, and they seem to help out a little bit, but I plateau.

Yeah, you're doing them once a day. It's stupid, though.

That's like people, you know, waking up, trying to lose fat, saying,

Oh, I'm going to go for a run, first thing in the morning.

and then they go for a run

and then they fucking

they go back home

and they have all this shit

to eat

and they think it's going to help

if they do that every day

actually it does

fuck all

because you do the weight

all about your diet

and not about exercise

and

what you're doing there

is pretty stupid

like doing just once a day

for your shoulder

you've got to do it

pretty much

three or four

five times a day

and then you'll see it

after about a week

I'm stupid

thank you

I appreciate it

yeah

no problem man

thanks dad

that's what he would say

and my wife

you're stupid

you're doing it wrong

stupid anyway yeah i know i should do it more often okay whatever i got these pills too yeah

that's what i'm gonna take the pain pills you know what i mean what did they give you give me

a hydrocodone i don't know what they call it over there where you are vicodin i don't know

everyone everything has a different name in other countries like canada it would be called something

else dude do you not take the gaba you said you don't want to take gabapentin right like you

wanted to but you didn't you don't take it or do you i know i i was taking it but i'm in remission

at the moment so i don't have to take it that's good that's good i don't know something with the

gabapentin like once a month i'll in the middle of the night i will get the most god-awful

cramping in my thighs it feels like my thighs are in a vice both of them at the same time

really yeah i start it's bad and i i'm pretty sure it's the gabapentin that would be my guess

I don't think so.

That sounds more like a bad circulation problem.

Oh, okay.

Thanks.

That too.

Thank you.

This song is called Special Delivery.

Yeah.

Hang on.

Let me take these pills.

Very good.

All right.

Well, we've got another number here.

We have for sale a boat for sale.

A boat?

A boat.

Yep.

How big?

I'm not sure.

It's a Bayliner.

I think those are pretty big.

It has a four-cylinder motor.

Asking $1,200 for that?

Inboard Bayliner boat has four-cycle motor.

$1,200.

Four-cylinder, not four-cycle.

$1,200.

That's fucking boring.

Come on, I thought you were thinking about big yachts or something.

Yeah.

I'm stagging.

No, this is more a boat for fishing, you know, like rednecks.

Oh, I got a fish!

Yeah, fish.

All right, here we go.

I've been just, it's been rainy today, and I've just been kind of blah all day today.

So, I apologize, there's a little energy on the show.

Yeah, same here.

I feel sort of stoned almost.

I wonder, do I have a boat?

Yes, hi, you have a boat?

Yeah, I do have.

That's good.

I want to go pick up my friend, Jen.

He lives in the United Kingdom.

We're having this gay thing, and my wife doesn't know,

and he's not allowed on planes because he's on the no-fly list.

So do you think that boat would be able to make it from, let's say,

New York City all the way to London and back?

I don't know.

I haven't put it in the water yet.

You haven't put it?

I just got it probably about three weeks ago on a trade.

And you haven't put it?

But I got it running and everything, yeah.

You haven't put it in the water, so it's not a boat then?

No, not since I got it.

It wasn't running when I got it, but I got it running.

Yeah.

It runs pretty good, but I ain't never had it in the water.

That's pretty stupid that you haven't put it in the water yet.

Are you sure it doesn't have any leaks in it?

Well, it looks pretty good on the hull and stuff like that.

Yeah, what do you think you could do?

You could do some fishing with it?

Yeah, it's next to the lake where my brother got the boat at anyways.

Yeah, is it a big lake?

You think maybe I could come take it for a ride, check it out, do a test ride?

Yeah, I'm going to go.

Maybe I'll bring my friend, and then I'll, you know,

have like sex with him on the boat in the water

just to make sure it doesn't capsize or anything.

thing do you think how much movement could you do inside the boat without it moving capsizing and

stuff uh do you ever pork your wife in the boat or anything like that you ever been like porking

your wife you ever do any fornication with your wife inside the boat i ain't married oh no you're

gay also no i ain't gay oh have you has your brother molested you inside the boat or anything

No, baby.

I don't talk about stuff like that.

Oh, you don't like talking about sex?

No, not about gay stuff anyways.

Oh, you like girls?

Hello?

You want to talk about girls?

He's gone.

You can ask him maybe if he poked his sister in the butt or something.

I'm sorry, but the person you called...

I was going to ask him if he wanted to trade sex stories or something.

I don't know.

Do you want to talk sex stories?

Yeah, man.

Boy Scouts.

uh got a starter new that fits the toyota guarantee works like new also four new rims

and hubcaps and have a pair of drugs for ducks for sale i said drugs a pair of ducks for sale

all right a pair of ducks yeah quack quack yeah quack quacks man how do you i got a starter

and i got ducks all right that goes together well what's up jen i know you don't like hearing

hearing about animals being hurt, so

don't mind to hold your ears for this prank.

I am? It's not going through anyway.

What are you going to do? Tell this guy

you molested a duck?

Exactly. I don't want him to abuse the ducks.

Okay.

You abducted it.

I get it. They abducted them.

Yeah, hi. You have some ducks?

Yeah. Are they boy ducks or girl ducks?

They're a pair. A pair of boy ducks?

No, a girl and a boy.

Oh, are they mallards or what are they?

there what they're solid why why'd you say hell why'd you say hell for i don't i don't like that

what what was you asking what uh what kind of ducks are they mallards or what are they

yeah they're mallard they're white they're white thank god they're white right you know what i'm

saying yeah god yeah white by the grace of god yeah yeah so do they fornicate do they like mess

mess around with each other?

They have sex?

Oh, yeah.

They lie every day, yeah.

Yeah?

Do they have baby ducks?

They ain't yet.

Oh, yeah.

Because I like to...

I want to maybe abuse the ducks a little bit

and watch them have sex and molest them.

Yeah.

And touch their furs a little, you know,

rub their feathers a little bit

and say how they're nice, pretty little ducks.

And I like...

You hear about them on Swap Shop?

What?

On Swap Shop online.

What?

Do I swap...

Yeah, that's where I got it.

Swap shop online, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, and I like the, while I'm gonna make the duck sit on my lap and, you know, tell him,

hey, you're my little duck, my little ducky, and I pet him in the head really hard.

He hung up.

What the fuck's wrong with that guy?

He goes, who's all ball on?

Who, who, who?

That guy was all fucked up.

It sounded like he had two teeth in his mouth.

You should have told him you're selling a butt.

I'm sorry, but the person you called has a voicemail box that has not been.

All these people on this town not have a voicemail doc set up?

Well, they're stupid, aren't they?

You're talking to them.

They're talking to you like,

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

A fucking voicemail?

What is that?

I don't need that voicemail.

I ain't got time for that.

Anyway.

Quack, quack, quack.

I'm going to go back to Lonesome's numbers here because those are really bumming me out.

Someone lost an infinity key.

What's an infinity key like for a car?

Infinity key?

I don't know.

I've never heard of the infinity key.

Is that not like a skeleton key opens every door?

That's what I'm thinking, or maybe just, there's a car out here called the Infinity,

and maybe that's what it is.

Ah.

Black fob with ladybug keychain, please, please call if found.

Took a picture of my spare key as an example.

Yep, seems like it's an Infinity car.

All right, cool.

Well, I'm going to make up something about the Infinity key here.

To Infinity!

And beyond!

Yay!

You like watching that movie, Jim?

That's weird.

Yeah, man.

Long time ago.

Yes, I'm wearing clothes with a rainbow.

Hi, you've reached cell phone.

Please leave me a message and I'll call you back.

Oh, my God.

No, Alyssa.

Nope.

I'll try her again.

What the fuck?

Why not, right?

Yeah, why not?

What do we got to lose?

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

You lost the infinity key?

Uh, yes.

It's very important that you find the infinity key.

If it gets in the wrong hands, it could be dangerous.

Okay, who is this?

This is Cross.

I saw the note that you lost the infinity key.

and it's very important that you find it.

Yes, I did.

You found it?

No, I haven't found it, no.

You don't know where the Infinity Key is?

No.

That key holds the power to open the door

to some very bad things that could come out.

Who is this?

I'm Cross, and I've been searching for the Infinity Key

for many years.

This is quite funny, and now I know you're messing with me,

so who is this really?

No, I'm Cross, and I saw that you lost the Infinity Key.

Yeah, I've been searching for it for a long time.

And I tracked it down, and all of a sudden you lost it.

I think it's not a coincidence, you know?

Okay, so where did you find my key?

Huh? Oh, I haven't found it. I'm looking for it.

But if it gets in the hands of the Illuminati, they could use it to open up the magic scepter,

and they could unleash all sorts of demons on the world.

And who is this?

I'm Cross.

Cross?

Yeah.

And why did you call this number?

Well, I'm an anti-Luminati agent,

and they've been trying to get their hands on the Infinity Key for a long time.

They could use it to open a secret safe,

and inside that safe is all the secret commands, you know,

that they can use to raise a lot of different demons and take over the role.

They could usher in a lot of bad things.

Okay, well, I'm actually looking for a key to unlock my car,

so I think that you're probably reaching the wrong person.

You're not the prophet?

No, I'm sorry.

Oh, you don't have any idea who has the real infinity key?

No, I think it's funny, though, that you're calling people just to give them false hopes of a key that they may have lost.

Oh, yeah, I know, but you have a spare key, so that's good.

I do have a spare key.

What is your real name?

Cross.

My name is Cross.

What is your real birth name?

Cross.

And your last name?

Lopez.

Yes.

So what is your real birth name?

Because I know nobody's born with that real birth name.

My parents gave me that name.

I was born on Easter, and they gave me that name.

Okay.

And so you just call people that have lost their key to give them a false sense

that they have actually found somebody's key?

No, no.

I'm really looking for the Infinity Key.

I'm with the Vatican, and we're trying to stop the Illuminati

from getting a hold of the Infinity Key.

And so you actually saw that I had an Infinity Key lost,

and you decided to call me to tell me about that?

Well, I didn't know it was an infinity car.

I thought it might be like the actual infinity key from Christ's time.

He created the infinity key.

It's made out of wood.

I highly suggest that you find another god,

because for you to call somebody who lost their key,

and for you to call me and actually make me think you had my key

is something that you should not do.

Look, it's more important that we find the real infinity key

than your stupid little car.

My stupid little car.

It's a stupid shit.

Oh, well, I live in the Vatican Consulate in Los Angeles.

And this is a normal place?

I am a normal place, yes.

This is a normal place.

You are a normal place.

Mm-hmm.

This is somebody that called me saying that they had my Infinity Key.

Yeah, very good.

Yeah.

So I'm just here with my fiancé, and so we're just both...

What's her name?

His name?

His name is Todd.

Oh, can you put him on?

Maybe he has information about the Infinity Key that I can write down and report.

No, I actually want to know where you live.

I'm a Jesuit priest. I live at the Vatican Consulate.

So you saw a picture of my key fob and you decided to call me even after you saw a picture of a key fob on an Infinity card.

No, I was given information that you had information about the Infinity Key, the location of the Infinity Key.

Okay, well, I guess you're wrong and you're crazy and you should find another god.

No, I have the real god.

You have the real god? Who's that real god?

The father of Abraham.

Oh, the father of Abraham.

Yes.

Oh, okay.

Are you a Mormon?

No.

Well, I told you I'm a Jesuit Catholic priest.

I told you that already.

You're not listening.

Have you been corrupted?

Is there an Illuminati agent there right now threatening you?

You can tell me.

My Illuminati are threatening me.

I really, I can't wait to tell Verizon Wireless that you just called me and told me that I'm

corrupt and that my car is nothing to be concerned about.

This is good stuff, actually.

If the Illuminati get a hold...

I'm born Christian Catholic, and this is really good entertainment for me.

So I appreciate you calling me.

Listen, if the Illuminati get a hold of the Infinity Key,

it is going to usher in a new age of the Four Horsemen and the new fucking, what's his face?

New fucking.

Yeah.

New fucking.

Your religion actually tells you to curse.

I'm a Jesuit priest.

They let me say a lot of things.

I can do drugs and everything to blend in with society.

Because I know that nobody would do this to me.

I'm Father Cross Lopez.

Father Cross Lopez.

Okay, so I can probably find you online, I guess.

Mm-hmm.

Probably.

Oh, definitely.

And you would waste your time with me even though I've been making fun of you this whole entire time.

No, we investigate everyone who has any type of connection to the Infinity Key.

We can't...

Okay.

Okay, bye.

We've been searching for it for 400 years.

All right, she's gone.

All right.

Oh, come on.

Bring it back.

Come on.

What the hell?

The Infinity Key.

Here you go, Jen.

Hi, you've reached Alyssa's cell phone.

Please leave me a message and I'll call you back.

Oh, shit.

Hello?

Yeah, this is, uh, this is Jen Stewart. How are you?

Did you stop dialing this number?

Listen, bitch, shut up. You've got that key and I want it back.

Call the cops, thanks.

Okay, whatever.

What a bitch. That's awesome.

She already called the cops, that was pretty fast, right?

That sucks you didn't get a chance to tell her you're the Illuminati.

Yeah, I was, I forgot.

Here you go, Jen.

Yeah, you're making it easy for me.

Got a lost black wallet. Lost wallet, Friday night, downtown.

town i can try it i'm probably gonna figure out taking this yeah yeah okay your call has been

forwarded to an automatic trying again okay jen no more have faith sweetie what's up hello

hello yeah did you lose your wallet man what's up hello did you lose your wallet your wallet

your money your wallet oh yes i lost my wallet yeah describe it to me what's it look like

hang on a second i'm in a busy place i can't hear hang on yeah i know yeah so you lost

your wallet you tell me a little bit about it what's inside here what's it look like

oh so you have my wallet i don't know you've got to describe it to me first what's it look like

oh it's it's just a little black wallet it's got like uh uh a bank of american uh america it's got

a shears credit card it's got a gmc card it's got a driver's license with my name on it what's the

name on it what's the name on it uh warren dixon warren dixon uh from uh from uh from

From Holtenboro and Hanser.

And I got a green card in there.

Yeah.

Oh, nice.

Where did you find it?

How much money is in it?

Oh, shit.

I have no idea how much money is in it.

I mean, it was Friday night.

Whereabouts did you lose it on Friday?

Well, I was down at the Rhino first, and then I took some cabs up to State Street.

So, I mean, I have no idea where I lost it.

Yes, right.

So, you took a taxi, did you?

Sorry, what's that?

You took a taxi, didn't you?

You went inside a taxi.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I was in three taxis.

Hey, hang on, hang on one second.

You got my jacket?

So, do you have my wallet?

Yeah, I've got your wallet right here.

Oh, I love you.

What is your name?

My name's Jim Stewart.

Oh, Stewart, man.

Listen, bud, I can't even go anywhere without my wallet

because I don't have my driver's license.

I can't fly.

Fuck, you know that must be a real shitter.

It is a real shitter.

So, where are you from, Stewart?

I'm from London.

Oh, nice.

So, how did you come upon it?

Was it just sitting on the ground?

or was it in a taxi?

No, I went inside one of the cabs

and, you know, I sat down and there it was.

It was just staring me straight in the face.

I was like, Mother Teresa, thank you, God.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, well, I've already cancelled all the cards,

but I really could use my driver's license

so I could go home.

Yeah, I have to admit, I have to admit,

I tried the CS card and it didn't work.

So, yeah, a bit of a problem with that.

Yeah, no, I already cancelled all the cards.

I think I got them all.

Maybe I, I, I, there's so many of them in there, I, whatever.

But anyway, so, uh...

You don't have a wallet in there, do you?

So, it doesn't really...

I know, I have most of my cash, most of my cash is in my pocket, fortunately.

Right, yeah, yeah.

Well, so how much would you give me for your wallet back?

Oh, you want to actually, you actually want to get paid to get my wallet back?

No, no, I'm not going to give it to you.

Why would I give it to you?

What, what would I do that for?

I have no idea.

So where, so where are you?

How can I hook up and get my wallet back?

Well, you can send me...

How about we go out for a drink or something like that?

No, no, no, no.

You're going to have to send me some money over PayPal,

and then I'm going to put it in the mail and send it to you.

Ah, no, no, no.

Fuck that.

I already talked to the consulate.

I already had all my stuff on that.

The consulate?

Why would you talk to the consulate?

I'm not going to pay for my wallet to come back.

I already cancelled all the cards, and I got my...

I'm just going to copy your driver's license

and pretend I'm you

and just drive around

and fucking, you know,

smashed up cars and shit.

Fucking...

So this is what I do.

You just called me.

So what I do is I call the police

and I give them this number

and I say that she's trying to escort...

No, no, no, don't be stupid, you dickhead.

Do you want your car back or not?

Yeah, we'll be happy to do that.

I know, I would love to have my wallet back,

but if you're not, you know,

if you're going to be a dick about it,

I'd rather just call...

If you're going to be a dick about it,

I'm just going to call the police.

I'd rather just call the police.

That's what I'm going to do there right now.

Hello? Hello?

Oh, that was quite good. Come on.

I feel paranoid.

Yeah, either give me my wallet back or I'm calling the police.

Let's make a deal, right?

What about $1,000 and I'll give it back to you?

Oh, fuck that. You're not getting a dime, bud.

You either give me my wallet back or I'm calling the police right now.

I don't want a dime. I want $1,000 US dollars and I'll give you your wallet back.

Okay, well, your number is 661-748-0240 and I'm calling the police right now.

You're a cousin, you're never going to see your wallet again, I'll throw it in a fucking river, and you're going to have to go and fish it out.

Listen you blimey fucking dickhead, listen you blimey fucking dickhead, you'd suck my fucking dick if you're going to take my wallet and then fucking...

You can suck your own dick if you fucking don't want to, if I find you I'll kill you!

You can suck my fucking cock you motherfucking fucking prick, if you were here right now I would take your fucking head and I would fucking destroy you, I'm telling you I would fucking destroy you, you motherfucking cunt.

And you couldn't fucking destroy a fucker.

I gotta call my guy back.

He's awesome.

Oh, shit.

You suck as a prick, man.

I don't think he won't answer this time, though.

I don't think so.

I'm gonna call the police.

Oh, dear.

Oh, no.

He's gonna call the consulate.

He's got a green card?

How does he have a green card?

I don't understand.

Maybe he's not from here.

Not from there.

Here?

Oh, man.

You better get your shit straight, Jen Stewart.

Yeah.

One of us.

You wish you were American.

Man, I'm proud to be an American.

Should I suddenly put an American accent on?

Yeah, hi, this is Mr. Stewart.

I got your card here, asshole.

I got your cards.

Go on.

That's a great card.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Mr. Stewart.

Go back to your old country then, boy.

That's what you should say.

That's what we say.

Is Milkman still here?

Milkman?

Hey, Milkman.

Breaking news.

I mean, I don't want people to tune away from the Madhouse show,

but I don't know if this is true or not.

I'm being advised.

I don't know how accurate this report is.

Apparently Zolar is live right now,

and he's got a guy who's going to crucify himself live on his show.

The fuck?

I've got to see this.

I'm sorry.

I could care less if people tune out or not.

If there's a guy fucking crucifying himself, I've got to know.

I'm going to go into the

dude can you imagine

crucifying, crucifixion, live crucifixion

and shit

I don't believe it

well they do it over there

in the Philippines every year

for Easter they got people

crucifying themselves and it's stupid

you know Jesus said

I know you're an atheist but Jesus said

that when he was crucifying himself

he didn't need anyone else to do it

he was doing it and no one had to come behind him

and do it

people could come in front of him and do it

but not behind him i'm gonna take a look right now there's an ad playing

can you hear me perfectly because i can't hear myself can you hear me i'm not gonna hear me man

is it is it loud or low he's live he seems to be on live but i don't see a crucifixion yet yeah

listen uh i haven't been doing a show because i'm i'm fucking exhausted i gotta get up early

in the morning go all the way to brooklyn pick my father up and taking him for treatments and all

oh jesus come on crucify the guy or not dude anyway well keep me posted on that uh horse

machine let me know if he uh comes through with that or not i really would like to really would

like to see a guy crucify himself we'll play this in honor of crucifixions here you go for just made

a very good point in the chat room what's that you can't really crucify yourself how do you drive

the last mail through well not yourself i mean you'll probably have someone do it maybe he's

gonna have a roman soldier do it well then it's murder isn't it

use a nail gun that's a pussy way of doing it you gotta drive those nails in with a hammer

nice big thick nails milkman yeah you're christian right what the fuck

but you gotta have your ass

nearly to death before they ever hang you up

their lung

and a punctured lung

that's at the end of it dude

they like to kind of like determine some of that stuff

That's according to the Shroud of Turin, some of the, some of the, the parasite, like, for the sword of destiny or whatever, the destiny.

That's the one, supposedly, that was used to puncture, ensure he was dead.

Infinity key.

That, that Roman spear disappeared, and that's the one that they talk about for the Germans and everybody else.

Oh, yeah.

All through, you know, ancient times.

All right, well, we got a, uh, Chastity has a small female dog to give away.

Loving and very friendly, will be good with children and other dog machines.

I got an idea about breeding dogs with humans that comes from the Germans in World War II.

Let's do that.

You know, they tried to do that.

German shepherds were originally going to be Jeepers or something.

Dr. Mengele.

Yes, is that Jane?

Yes, this is Chastity.

If you leave your name and number, I'll get back to you.

Chastity, my ass.

I'm sorry, but the person you called has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet.

And yet another one from that webpage and no voicemail box set up.

Potato Log is asking, Milkman, do you have a beard?

You don't have a beard, but you have very long hair, right?

You shave your face, right?

I know Milkman has very thin eyebrows.

I noticed that.

Anal beard recently, and I gave up on anal electrons.

Anal electrons.

It tickles too much.

Milkman has hair down his ass and braided pubes, says Scotland.

Scotland paying attention.

Gold star for Scotland.

Yeah, it grows out of your ass and grows out of your underarm and your nose.

That's a good song right here.

I'm going to bang a bra to this song.

Actually, I got an afro, man.

You're not supposed to tell anybody about that.

You know, you know.

Anal beads.

Here's, let's try that black wallet lost guy again.

Maybe he's done talking to the police.

Yeah, you can't scream like this girl.

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

Who is it?

It's the plumber.

Plumber?

I didn't call a plumber.

All right.

Ruth lost a Volkswagen key ring.

Lost on Wednesday.

day she lost a volkswagen key ring key ring or an actual key i think it's it let me see if it's

this key ring it's this key ring i don't i don't know if it's the key or the ring or both because

if she said the key i would have said where's the fucking car you're doing this sure you're the boss

hello yeah you lost a volkswagen key ring is it i did oh what happened why'd you how'd you lose it

i might i am but i mean i want to make sure it's yours and i just want to give it away

way uh-huh so you tell me how many keys on the ring there's a volkswagen key there's i don't

know let me see there's like four rings four keys on here two rings this is vw on it now you tell me

yeah is there is there anything else on the key ring uh and any kind of other key chain like thing

well the person took only he took off the volkswagen part and gave that to me because

i really like volkswagens all right hold on a second let me let you talk to my husband it's

actually his key why just that why just give me the cars hello hey where's the car huh where's

the volkswagen at why uh so i can test out the key well we have the key we have the car yeah

then i have the key okay well you can't start the car without the key right no we have so that's a

spare key well then we can we make sure this is the right key i can try to start the car with it

no i don't think that's the right hey but thanks no way wait come on you want the key or not

Oh, shit. Some people just...

You've reached Ruth, and this is my voicemail.

Leave me a message, and I'll get back to you.

Ruth, and that's her voicemail.

And they were used.

Volkswagen. I didn't even know you had that over there.

Mm-hmm. We offer all kinds of cars.

Well, you don't have Vauxhall, because that's General Motors.

And you call it something else over there, something stupid.

Hi, you've reached Ruth, and this is my voicemail.

Leave me a message, and I'll get back to you soon if I can.

Thanks a lot. Bye.

at the talent please okay that's really too bad could have offered the key in exchange for the

cup yep sounds like a good deal to me jill says play engine revving noises in the background

yeah i'll do it for you

oh that's it that's our key see you later it's working all right coming up next someone's

offering a one thousand dollar reward for the return of their gold wedding band lost at a beach

beach close to the water within 60 yards i suspect i lost it in the water about four foot down

before high tide the picture shows where the ring was lost you can tell her you're um like a shark

fisher or something and you fished out a shark and it was inside the shark's belly all right

i opened up the shark and it came out yeah yeah it's a bit sticky do you still want it

things of fish oh that sucks i was gonna say that i bit into a fish that cooked the fish and

There was a ring inside of it

And I choked on it

And I was going to sue them

Here's an iPhone

I'm going to do the whole thing with the iPhone again

I'm going to repeat the idea from previously

Where I just want to unlock the phone

So I can play games

You were around for that one, right?

Yeah, I was around actually

Was I not?

Yeah, I'm sure I was

They called back for a whole week after that

There's not really much else you can do

really uh an iphone if you want to sell it on ebay but you need to unload you need to charge

your call has been forwarded to it damn it try it again our call has been forwarded to an automatic

voice message system okay art lost his baseball glove in san francisco lost it at the baseball

field left it in first base dugout after daughter's softball practice has a faded name and

phone number on it i don't live with the number anymore call if you found it thanks i can't make

I can't make it to the phone right now, so leave me all the info.

Be back to you when I can.

Shut up.

I'm trying to remember.

I'll message you.

Johnny.

Thanks for calling.

I can't make it to the phone.

Okay.

It's definitely him, isn't it?

Nice, Johnny.

Extremely gay.

He said he's extremely gay.

Thank you.

Yeah.

All right.

Javier lost his bracelet.

He said it has sentimental value.

He lost it in Pittsburgh.

Javier.

A bracelet of great sentimental value was given to him by his mother.

I know it's holiday.

Whoever found it, please don't pawn it for cash.

No, that's sick.

Don't do that.

No?

Okay.

That's sentimental value.

That's horrible.

If someone did that to me, I'd be really upset.

He could have lost his mother.

His mother could be dead or whatever.

That would be horrible.

Okay, all right.

I'm just saying, you can do what you want.

I don't care.

You're right.

I lost my mother.

If it was me, it would just be horrible.

You're right.

He is right.

We have hearts.

We can find some love.

All right.

Did you hear about that bomb threat in Paris?

They cleared out the Eiffel Tower for like, what was it, a whole night or something.

Within two hours, they cleared the whole place out.

And somebody made a bomb threat in the Eiffel Tower.

And the army came and the French police came and cleared it all out.

The French army.

There was no bomb.

The French army, ha ha.

Did they surrender?

Yeah, the foreign legions.

When they got there.

All right.

Someone lost, what did they lose here?

I lost a pair of eyeglasses.

Glasses.

Loss at Goodwill.

Or Buffalo Exchange Store.

Looks exactly like this image.

$100 reward.

I need the glasses back.

Exclamation point.

Or $100 reward.

Yeah.

It's got to be worth more than that then.

Mm-hmm.

It's Theo eyeglasses.

I've never heard of those before.

Theo.

Here we go.

I think I might cut the show off early and just, I don't know, feel like shit.

I'm not sick or nothing.

I don't know.

Tired, man.

Tired.

I've got to work another double shift.

I've worked one yesterday.

I've got to work one tomorrow.

You have to work over Easter.

Yep.

Dude, that sucks.

Yeah, I got to go into work at 11 in the morning tomorrow,

and I don't get home until 8 o'clock in the morning the next day.

Oh.

Sucks, man.

Is the money worth it?

Not really.

God, shit.

That's really bad then, man.

Let's work.

After, in three months, I'll be able to take a test,

and I'll be able to get a bump in pay where it will be worth it.

But for now, they just abused me.

You know, they just used me and abused me.

Here's someone who lost.

Well, anyway, that eyeglass number said it's in, well, it might be because of the way I put it in.

Oh, it's missing a digit.

Never mind.

Oh, seven.

Here we go.

Hello?

Yeah, how you doing?

Hey, I think you have a wrong number.

No, no, you lost a pair of eyeglasses.

Oh, yes.

Oh, then why would I have the wrong number?

I have the right one, I think.

I'm sorry?

I was at the Goodwill shoplifting and I found a pair of eyeglasses.

You did?

Yeah.

Okay.

It was, I don't know, were you looking at the clothing and stuff like that?

It was under one of the clothing racks.

Yes.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, it's, I don't know how important these are to you.

You're offering how much, $100?

Yes.

How much is a pair of glasses like this worth, though?

Why?

Well, I'm just curious.

They're good.

Maybe we can make a better deal or something.

No, that's all I have.

Yeah, but how much are they worth, the eyeglasses?

These Theo ones, right?

Right? They're pretty good.

So, do you want to return it and I give you money?

Well, only $100? Why only $100?

Oh, come on.

You found it. It's free. $100 for free.

Yeah, but glasses, I can sell them for more than $100 maybe.

Yeah. Why don't you go sell them?

How much do the glasses cost to replace them?

Why don't you find it?

No, tell me the truth and maybe I'll give them to you for a little money.

No.

Yeah. You still get your glasses.

Okay, never mind. Never mind. Never mind.

come on all right i'll give you 150 dollars never mind 150 no come on never mind okay so

if you find it you'll find it no i only offer a hundred dollars if you want it give it to me

if you don't want it fine but listen i have to give i owe 150 dollars to someone so if you give

me 150 i don't care no i only give you a hundred dollars if you don't want free money a hundred

$100, fine.

I don't want to give you more.

It's not free money.

It's money that I got to give up because I can sell the glasses for more money.

I lost it and you find it.

Yeah, finders keepers.

Fine, if you don't want $100 free money, fine.

I don't give you $160.

You don't want glasses?

No.

I want glasses for $100.

It's my glasses and you find it.

It's free money.

What if I give you just the lenses?

Don't ask for more.

I'll give you the lenses for $100

And I keep the frame

I don't care

I don't want lenses

I want the whole thing

It's my glasses

You're stealing it

No stealing

No I found it

No

Okay

So you want your $100?

I will give you

Yeah but I'm only going to give you lenses for $100

$150 then I give you everything

No never mind

Come on

Don't call me

Okay $100 for everything

Don't call me

I only want

I only give you $100

$100 for everything

$100 for free money.

Why?

Well, because I got to pay my bills tomorrow morning early.

Where are you?

You want glasses or no?

Meet me at the Goodwill, and I'll give them to you.

You want my money?

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Hold on.

What is your number?

Well, I'm at the prison right now.

I'm in jail because I got caught shoplifting at Goodwill.

They put me in jail, and my bail is $100.

Where?

At the jail.

Okay.

What is your phone number?

My bail was $150.

I don't care.

I only give you $100 for my offer.

Well, that's not going to help because then I have the glasses here in jail with me,

and they won't let me go if I don't give them $150.

I don't care.

It's your problem.

Well, it's your problem.

No glasses for you then.

It's fine.

I can buy another one.

Yeah, but it's going to cost you more money.

All right, okay.

Don't call me.

Don't call this number.

Well, come to...

If you don't want to give you...

I'm at the jail.

I offer you $100.

Uh-huh.

I'm at the jail.

And then you offer $150.

Yeah.

Please come.

All right, so...

I don't care.

Give them $100 at the jail, and they'll let me out, and I'll give you the glasses.

I'm here.

What jail?

At the...

No.

On Bryan Street.

Where is the jail?

No.

The county jail.

I need to see glasses.

Well, I'll give it to you.

I'm not going to the...

I'm not going to the prison.

If you want...

If you have glasses, call me back.

I do.

I have glasses.

Where's the glasses?

I have them on my head.

Okay, and where are you?

And how come you're gonna come here?

I'm in the county jail.

So how do you get out?

Well, you have to give them the bail

and they'll let me out.

Oh no, I'm sorry. I don't deal with that thing.

Well, no glasses for you then.

Yeah, no money for you. $100.

Alright, well, no glasses.

Alright.

Say goodbye to your glasses.

I'm gonna put him in the toilet in the jail right now and flush it

Lenses are the more expensive part. I actually broke my glasses

glasses two days ago i broke my glasses at work right in the middle you know where the nose part

goes right snap them right in half at work sucks i put them together i have a pair of oakley

sunglasses does that count oh i do too man those are the best sunglasses ever man yeah i got the

half jacket i don't know which one you got jim but i got the half jackets i don't know what i've got

i just got a really cool looking pair oh wow for archery okay yeah yeah exactly well that would

He hits the spot every time, man.

It would have been funny if that Chinese guy shows up with you.

I'm going to pay a bill for my glasses.

Yeah, you could have sent him there, and then you could have turned around and said,

April Fool's!

That's something.

We should call people that lost stuff and tell them we have your stuff, and it's April Fool's.

Yeah, and then tell them to meet you somewhere, and then call them back.

Fucking April Fool's.

Oh, my God.

They would get so pissed off.

There you go.

Let's do that.

Come on.

All right.

All right, here's a dark leopard jacket that's been lost.

All right, they lost it outside of a bank.

You've got to be ready for anything, though.

He's going to ask you some questions that you're not going to be able to answer,

so you've got to be able to get off it.

I reckon you should just say you found it somewhere else,

and it looks like this, or get a description of him first,

and then you really know what it looks like.

Well, a lot of these people leave pictures of the jacket.

You don't know. It's got dirty, something like that.

He's a leopard.

Two buttons, a dark leopard print with a black lining.

Fingers crossed you are the kind person who picked it up.

Come on, good karma.

Please phone me if you found my jacket.

Where would you send them, buddy?

Where are you going to send them?

Well, Lonesome looked this place up and says that there's a 7-Eleven down the street from where it got lost.

Excellent.

So I'll tell him, meet me at work.

But it's got to be tonight.

All right.

For gay sex.

Oh, gay sex.

It's Easter.

I'm not talking about gay sex on Easter, Milkman.

Come on.

You've been in San Francisco too long, man.

Yeah, like, where's that roommate that shares something?

The bed deal.

The one bed.

One bedroom.

I have to spend the night in my bedroom.

Ellen, thank you for calling.

Sorry, I've missed your call.

This is Tommy with Next Level Strategy.

Aw.

Try it again.

All those pills you can always offer to sleep in your bed.

It's in their bed.

Mm.

That sucks, not answer.

Ellen, thank you for calling.

Sorry, I've missed your call.

Damn.

Well, there goes that.

She will be fine.

man and lonesome had it all set up he had to maybe call 7-11 first get the name of the person

working oh that would have been work that would have been great damn lonesome had it all figured

out man oh man all right luke lost three gold rings on a green plastic zip tie well why would

you put rings on a plastic zip tie whatever okay in my pocket today i lost it i believe i dropped

Dropped them somewhere in San Jose, near the Costco.

And we got their address also here.

A guy answered.

Tell me you're from that.

Lonesome gave us a 7-Eleven here for that place also.

So that works.

All right, well, let's call the 7-Eleven first, get the name of the guy.

You're going to give him the 7-Eleven club's name.

It's going to be some Indian guy.

I like that.

Mr. Patel.

7-Eleven, I'm coming, please.

Oh, yeah.

What was your name?

Aman.

Aman?

Yeah.

Okay, thank you.

Cool.

Aman.

All right, he's not in Mexico.

I guess he's not.

All right.

All right, and let's see if this guy answers.

Indian guy.

I have to put an Indian accent.

Dude, hello.

I got it.

It's coming, coming.

It's good gold.

This is Armand.

I am going to find your sister.

Good times.

Hello?

Hello.

Is that Luke?

Yep, it's Luke.

Luke, hey, I found some gold rings on this zip tie.

I was looking here on my cell phone to see if anybody had lost it.

Yep.

Yeah.

Yeah. Did you want to come pick them up?

I think this is them.

Where did you find them?

I found them on the street. I was walking to work.

I work at the 7-Eleven down the road.

Yeah.

By the Costco.

Okay, what do they look like?

They're just three gold rings. It's in my car right now.

They're on this green kind of cable tie thing.

Yeah.

Okay.

Does one of them have a stone in it?

I believe so.

Yeah, one looks like it's kind of like a marriage ring.

That's probably them.

Okay.

Which Costco?

Sunnyvale?

Sunnyvale, yep.

That's where I was.

All right.

I'll be damned.

Okay.

You've got to pick him up now because I'm going out of town.

I'm going to a conference tomorrow for my mom.

Okay.

Where are you located?

I'm at work now.

Can you be here in a little bit?

I'm not going to be here much longer.

How soon could you be here?

I mean, where are you?

I'm in South San Jose.

Oh, okay.

Well, I'm at the 7-Eleven right by the Costco.

I can give you the address if you want.

Yeah, give me an address.

now that can probably be up there in about 20 minutes are you ready yep three five eight zero

okay and what's your name again this is aman okay spell that a-m-a-n okay okay i'm here but you

got yeah well come on in and i should be at the front they don't let me at the front see you

there in about 20 minutes all right i'll talk to you then see you buddy okay all right cool

Cool. Call him back in 20 minutes, Jen, and remember that, okay?

Yeah.

Call the fucking 7-Eleven when he gets there,

and then fucking see if you can get him on the phone in 20 minutes.

Jesus.

Yeah, I'll call the 7-Eleven first to see if he shows up.

Yeah.

All right.

Oh, shit.

This is like that pizza thing I did. That was brilliant.

We've got a lost Nokia cell phone here.

Nokia?

Yeah, call him and tell him you're out.

Oh, yeah, after all, I guess it wasn't a sick day, weren't you?

Hey guys, I gotta pee

So we're gonna take a break real quick

While I play a prank call

And urinate in the toilet

Flush the toilet, wash my hands

If you guys don't mind, I'd appreciate it

Nokia

Who uses Nokia phones anymore, right?

Whatever, nerd

They're like the most popular

That's right, this is right, pee in the bottle

Piss jug, bottle

I don't know, what's a piss jug, what are you talking about?

Dark Strangers Rush

That's why she said for you to piss in a bottle, man.

Duck Strange is a girl.

How's she doing that?

I don't know.

She said for you to piss in a bottle.

Oh, no.

But you're a man.

You can.

I have a big bladder, so it's full.

I need like three bottles full.

Well, I thought you were going to tell me that the bottle was too big.

No, my dick is too big for the hole.

Here's a prank call by Recluse.

Okay, yeah, yeah, okay.

Yeah, 10-4.

Here's a Recluse prank call called Ice Cream Shop.

Be right back with more prank calls.

Yeah, happy Easter.

All right.

Hello?

Hello.

Okay,

Okay, this is Jimmy.

How you doing, Jimmy?

How you doing?

Wonderful.

Well, I'm not calling about ice cream.

Okay.

Okay, I just want to tell you something.

Yes, sir?

I'm just immensely attracted to you.

I don't know if you go that way, but I'm just saying I would buy all the ice cream in there

just to get one date with you, you know what I'm saying?

I'm not a sleazy kind of guy either.

Have you been to Tokyo?

Oh, all the time.

I'm a regular, actually.

You probably don't know who this is.

My name is Dave.

How are you doing?

So if I came in there, so do you, I mean, not to get too personal, you know what I'm saying,

but, I mean, do you go that way?

Actually, sir, I do have a girlfriend.

Okay.

Well, I mean, you know, there's a lot of married men.

You know what I'm saying?

They come to...

I mean, have you ever explored those?

You know what I'm saying?

Are you suppressing anything?

No, sir.

Okay.

Well, what if I convince your girlfriend just to let you...

You know what I'm saying?

I mean, you know what I'm saying?

Before you make any sort of commitments, you know, I mean, you're not engaged, are

you?

No.

Okay.

Well...

I'm sure you couldn't convince her.

She's a very stubborn person.

Okay.

Well, that's fine.

Well, we don't need her in the picture then.

So what I would say, you know what I'm saying, you have your own life.

You don't have to answer to anybody.

So what I would say is just before you get into anything serious,

what I would do is I would just give you a chance.

I mean, I'm kind of, okay, well, I'm not that great looking, but I've got a radio face.

You ever heard of kdkprankcalls.com?

Yeah.

You heard of that?

Yes, sir.

That's me.

All right.

You listen to that at all?

Do you listen to the shows?

What channel is it on?

Well, it's actually on the Internet.

It's on Shoutcast.

You have to go on there.

You look at pictures if you're interested.

You know what I'm saying?

I mean, maybe we can just talk, you know?

Yeah.

Okay, so you want to write that down?

Oh, I would.

I don't got no internet.

It sucks.

Oh, you don't got no internet.

Now, okay.

Now I know you're a lying bastard.

You need to come out of the closet, Jimmy.

That girlfriend can't be satisfied.

I know goddamn well.

I can tell in your voice.

I'd say she's plenty satisfied.

No, no.

She said, I'm sure she's satisfied.

Oh.

But you know what I'm saying?

I know there's something missing in your life.

I can tell in your voice.

And when I look in your eyes, I just see it, you know.

I mean, you're lonely there with those cookies and ice cream.

And I know you can, you know what I'm saying?

I mean, it's not fulfilling.

Oh, yeah, because I'd like to make more money and go to college.

Well, yeah, I mean, that's what you, we could do that together.

We could be a team, you and me.

Pretty sure I got my own thing.

Okay, do you have any, do you have any radio experience?

No, sir.

Okay, well, I mean, I listen to your voice, you know, it turns me on.

I'm sure, you know, our listeners would appreciate that.

so why don't you start with that I mean we're gonna be getting a lot of money

soon do you want to go to the beach with me you can bring your girl along just

don't you know I'm saying just shut her up if she gets too talkative yeah you

have been up to Maine beautiful country oh you never been past Georgia yeah okay

well that's that's kind of hot so you like kind of like you don't wear a

cowboy hat do you do you ride them hard or what you've been on a cattle drive

Nope.

You're my kind of guy, I tell you what.

You don't really do the cowboy thing.

No, you don't really mean either.

I just, I tried a couple of them, but, you know.

You know, you remember that song Waylon Jennings sang about cowboys?

He was a closet case from way back.

But anyways, that's besides the point.

You do a radio show.

Yeah.

What's it called?

It's called KDKFrankCalls.com.

KD?

Yeah, KDK.

K-A what?

Are you a cop?

Okay.

I don't know.

No, talk to my friend here. I'm not sure. I mean, I don't know. Now I'm kind of getting nervous.

Hello.

Hello. Talk to him, Franny.

Hey, how are you, sir?

Trying to close up shop here.

Oh, are you counting down your tail?

Oh, it's a couple people.

We've been following this KDK bastard for a few weeks now.

KD what?

KDK.

How do you spell that?

KDK.

KDK?

KDK. Can you write that down for me?

Oh.

Look at that. Just do me, entertain me. Write down KDK on a piece of paper.

Yeah.

All right, did you do it?

Yeah.

All right, now turn it around.

Yeah.

And what does it say?

What?

What does it say when you turn it around?

KDK.

Oh, my God. That's what we're saying. We've had it by every angle. We keep looking. We know there's a code.

Something about a KDK, purity of essence, essence and purity, P-I-E-E-I-P, something.

There's something. The code's in there.

Every time we reverse it, we come up with the same thing over and over again.

KDK, KDK, Kill Death Kill.

And then we have purity of F and S's for a while.

It doesn't make any sense.

Do y'all, like, do we get...

What?

You can't call a lot of people?

Well, here's a question for you.

Did you know about the fluoridization, the fluoridation of ice cream?

Children's ice cream?

No.

Do you have fluoride in your ice cream there?

Don't know.

Can you find out?

Probably not.

Well, who's in charge?

Who's calling the shots over there?

I'd be the head of operations.

You're the head?

Can you put Mr. Head of Operations on?

I would, but I don't think he probably wants to talk, which I probably got to go because it's about to close.

If you hang up, if you hang up, I will rain on you the worst publicity ever in the history of this town.

You will have to close up shop tomorrow permanently until after the New Year's holiday.

Now, is that the kind of business you want to lose?

What?

Is that the kind of business you want to lose?

is you need to ask yourself right now,

do you want to be held responsible

for the loss of the jobs

of all the employees who work there

for the exception of two people?

Which two people?

So make it happen.

Let's make it happen.

Let's get your boss on the line.

Come on.

You'd have to call him.

But you just said he,

who's the head of operations right now?

You can have a number.

Who's, are you the person

making the decisions right now?

Are you in charge?

If I busted into right now

and said, let me talk to the boss,

who's going to come,

who's going to step up?

You or someone else?

Probably nobody.

Man, you're really pissing me off.

You know that?

You're a bastard.

Just get the boss's number.

Just go ahead and...

What's that guy's number?

Yeah, what's the guy's number?

Can you conference call us with him?

It'd be 469-254-7106.

And what's his name?

All right.

What's his name?

Yeah, just go ahead and call him up.

No, what's his name?

Seriously, what's his name?

His name would be Ryan.

Is that his house number?

I think it's House or so. I don't know. I've never really been to his house.

Can you hang on a second, please?

I would, but I gotta go.

No, no, you need to hang on a second. What was your name?

Who was it? That's...

You know, I'm writing all this information, I'm writing it down in my book.

I've got a big book. It's a portfolio. It's a three-ring binder.

All this information down. And if you're lying to me, you know what we talked about that bad publicity, right?

I think it's gone. Let me call his boss real quick.

took a little extra time there as i made a sandwich boy my uh my cat loves my cat loves

cheese nothing like a fried roasted masticated sandwich here i know jack mastication will be

so proud of you on his favorite holiday of the year this is just a turkey bologna sandwich but

it's good uh davi loves cheese man i love giving him i always share a little bit of cheese with

them when i have some and he loves it hey uh jim real quick while i was peeing i remembered were

you on um kdk's show after that last saturday show we did did you uh is that true yeah i was

was was you really pissed off that um no no he um he mentioned it and i think that was it um i don't

think he was angry at all um i explained to him obviously that you know it was the fact that you

know your working schedule didn't really permit you to do a show at any other time but that you

you were going to be changing to Sundays anyway.

And we kind of moved on from that anyway.

So, yeah, wasn't much said about it.

Oh, okay.

Well, I hope not, man, because, you know, it wasn't for any...

No, he's all right.

He's all right.

I hadn't spoken to him for a long, long time.

It's been years since I talked to him.

So it was nice to actually catch up with him and get to say a few words.

Cool.

Cool, man.

Lonesome's girl.

Is that really Lonesome's old lady?

What's up, Lonesome's girlfriend?

I don't know.

Does she like prank calls?

Oh, so that's cool that she likes prank calls, man, because you met a nice guy.

Yeah.

If not.

That's not lonesome girlfriend.

That's somebody that's in there fucking around and chatting a little while.

Yeah, he's changing it.

All right.

That's lonesome loser as a girl.

My gosh.

Cool.

How much time we got left?

We got about another, maybe another 15 minutes till we call that guy back.

We'll give him a little bit extra time, you know.

Make sure he gets there and starts a scene.

We got a few hotels here in Iran.

That's always good.

Yeah, things are really heating up in North Korea also, eh, Milkman?

Yeah.

All right.

Here's Guam, an Italian restaurant in Guam.

All right.

Speaking of North Korea,

Digital Adhesive asking me if I'm actually from Maine.

Yes, I live in Maine.

Portland.

Portland, Maine.

Do you live in Maine also?

You should come visit me.

That would be cool.

We could hang out.

What's up with Skype?

Skype frozen?

You guys hear me?

Jin, Milkman?

Yeah, yeah, I'm still here.

I'm just, there's some guy that is talking to me on Skype.

I never come on Skype.

I don't know who this guy is.

Oh, you never come on Skype?

He wants to do webcam chat and have sex.

Oh, yes.

Very nice.

All right, here's the 7-Eleven in, I mean, bullshit.

Here is an Italian restaurant in Guam that we're going to call.

Let's get down with it.

Let's get funky and freaky deaky.

Almost midnight around this time,

our extended Madhouse family staff starts calling in,

Ken and the like.

It'll be good to hear from Zyklon.

I haven't heard

excuse me man

I haven't heard from

Zyklon in a while

Zyklon if you're out there

I don't know about

my wife's family man

like Easter

and they're eating

they're making

they're making fish

and shrimp

it's like dude

you're supposed to eat ham

well I'm allergic

to shrimp and shit

I should say that

so they don't make

that fucking

every time these

fucking people

all they do is eat

shrimp and fish

oh seriously

I'm allergic to

you know shellfish

or shrimp and shit

like that

crustaceans

I got a friend

who's got that

that my friend Eric, and it sucks because a lot of places he'll go to

and he'll get sick from eating other stuff

because they fucking make the shrimp and they don't clean the surfaces.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they put it in the same,

yeah, I had that problem where I went to have a Chinese takeaway

and the guys didn't clean the pan,

they still had fucking shrimp shit in there or prawn or whatever it was

and it made me very sick, it was horrible.

That's bullshit, yeah, you're supposed to, you're not supposed to do that.

You know what, I heard, I don't want to dawdle too much

instead of doing prank calls, but I heard something

about like the rules in the

UK, they aren't as strict when it

comes to inspections

for restaurants and stuff.

I don't know, it depends where you go

and depends on how much money

you're looking to spend.

If you like a middle class area

then obviously all the places will be checked

and they'll all have fucking signs in the door.

Any poor places, you can forget it.

10-4. Hey bro.

Hey, you have pasta there?

What's that? You have pasta there?

Yes.

Oh, what kind of pasta is the best to feed to a horse?

The what?

For a horse to eat.

Oh, not for sure.

Oh, could you ask anyone there who might know about the horses?

Um, sure.

A lot of online information.

Sweetie, can you pick the pasta?

I want to know what kind of pasta you should feed a horse.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

What kind of pasta can I feed to my horse?

Your horse?

Yeah.

I don't know.

I've never fed a horse.

Can you be perfectly honest with me?

Can I bring a few horse down and maybe we can feed him a few pasta and see which one he likes the best?

Your horse?

Yeah.

Sure.

Okay, do you have room inside the restaurant for the horse?

Of course not.

Where can I put the horse down?

I'm sorry?

Where can I put the horse?

Maybe put him on a trailer.

Well, yeah, I know the trailer.

Isn't that where people normally put horses?

Well, yeah, don't be silly.

Yeah, but after I get there, where can we leave the horse?

Do you have somewhere I can tie him?

Leave him in the trailer.

And you come out with the pasta and all that?

Yeah, of course.

Of course.

Okay, thank you.

I get it, because it's a horse, of course, right?

That was a stupid call.

Yeah, let me tell him that.

A horse is a horse, of course.

No, he's not answering this time.

Jen, he's not answering, man.

Shit, man.

I know, man.

It sucks.

All right, Big Ken's calling in.

Big Ken.

Ken.

Hey.

You were confused with the new Skype name, huh?

Yeah, well, I was like, I'm going to call in.

And I'm like, well, fuck, I don't see.

I'm like, who's this new contact?

Yeah, he thought it was Death Fox imitating, impersonating me.

Not imitating, because he can't.

I wouldn't put it past him.

He's ready to jump out of his skin.

And then he fucks me like he's trying to get revenge.

He gets off pretty quick, turns his ass around, and is snoring three minutes later.

Jesus Christ, I am tired of having to get myself off.

I'm running out of fantasies.

Poor girl, huh?

Take care of that problem, me and Jin both.

Oh, split her up.

Jin, I'll give you the ass.

You can have the ass.

I'll get the mouth.

Yeah.

Okay.

I can't wait for Cool Rob flipping out.

He was drunk as shit.

What the fuck?

You know, he was still yesterday.

Cool Rob was still up.

I said, Cool Rob, you feeling better today, man?

He's like, oh, better by what?

I want proof.

You can't ban me.

I'm like, oh, fuck you.

Bye.

He tried telling us.

He's like, I only had a shot of vodka.

I was like, dude, you had a fucking vodka enema.

I had a shot of something, dude.

I had a shot of frickin'...

God, he was just off his rocker Friday.

What the hell was his deal, man?

I didn't see all that messages.

So, like, sorry, guys.

I didn't know.

I thought you guys were just fucking around, you know?

And then I thought it was over with.

I didn't realize.

I know he gets like that sometimes.

I mean, I like Colt Robb a lot, but I know every once in a while,

he ends up getting banned from the chat room.

Yeah, he gets a little weird, a little wacky.

I didn't think it was him at first.

I thought it was, you know, someone else.

I didn't either because I've never seen him flip out.

Yeah.

Then I heard him calling into talks and I talked to him myself on Skype.

I was like, I guess it's him.

He's like, I've been in communication with Carlito this whole time.

You were all on the shit list.

I was like, dude, I blocked you the whole time.

I blocked because he just kept sending a message every 10 seconds.

Chat logs.

Okay, let's get over it.

Cool, Rob.

If you're out there, man, you know, we love you.

Take it easy, man.

man. He was so upset that he got banned.

I don't even know why he got banned originally.

He was talking about DDoSing people.

That's a really sore subject right now, son.

Anyway, Jen, you want to call an Italian restaurant

at Guam? I got another one here. You got an idea

for that? I don't really know.

I want to call the Turkish Kitchen.

Okay, okay. We can do that.

I just got to figure out

the area code.

Any of you remember the area code for the Turkish Kitchen?

Do you have it saved there?

I don't.

Yeah, so what happened?

5-1-0.

5-1-0, all right, thanks.

Just go by there.

Okay, I got it.

Here we go.

5-1-0.

We have to go in there sometime when we call.

6-2-5.

Got it, Milkman.

Thank you.

It's an idea, isn't it?

Milkman, we want to send you there.

Hello, can I speak to Faison, please?

Nope.

No?

Okay.

I guess not.

Who was it I spoke to there?

Who?

Right now?

I don't know.

Yeah, like, who was that?

I didn't recognize his voice.

Let's try again.

We'll probably get a fax beep.

Hold your ears, everybody.

Yeah.

The bearded one, Dirty Aaron, is here.

What's up, man?

What's up?

I actually just shaved my beard today.

Oh, why, dude?

I don't know.

You got a ton of people calling it a puke face.

The wife named it.

I'm working on my beard, Aaron.

I don't know if you've seen the video.

I'm working on it, man.

Here, I'll have to pull up the video.

I actually know what it was, is that I went to go see my favorite band last night,

and I look exactly like the lead singer.

Is that not a good thing?

I saw your hairy ass there on Facebook.

Yeah, you saw that picture, Ken?

Aaron, is that serious? That must be a good thing, though.

If you look like you're a fan, and you look like him.

Yeah, well, actually, I got mistaken for him at least six times at the show last night.

That's fucking brilliant. Were there any girls there who thought you were a fan?

No, no, no, nothing like that.

That's too bad.

It's a gay band, that's why.

Oh, boy.

That sucks, then.

Yeah.

It's about a little OG there.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was Elton John.

Okay, well.

It was Devo.

Oh, you Elton John?

Devo.

Okay.

All right.

Let's stop being silly, guys.

Okay, let's do some more prank calls.

That's the cure for that.

California Pizza Kitchen, where they have great hummus in Guam.

Wow, they got one of those there now.

Ooh, okay.

I thought you could only buy that in the frozen food section.

No, it's actually a restaurant, sir.

They have actually the best...

I've already talked about this.

Who cares?

Meat spin organization.

I'm very thankful for calling California Pizza Kitchen to want to help you.

Hey, man.

How are you doing?

I'm good.

This is the best hummus I've ever had.

Yes, sir.

You guys have really good hummus there.

Oh, really?

How do you make it?

How do you make it, man?

What's the secret?

Oh, I don't know.

It's our top secret.

Oh, I'll give you some money for it.

What's that, sir?

Do you like girls or boys?

What's that?

You like girls or boys?

Boys.

You like boys?

Yeah, you're in luck.

I got a few boys here right now that like the hummus.

Oh, really?

You like poppers?

So you're placing an order right now?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, so two hummus?

Two hummus.

Okay, two hummus.

Uh-huh.

One pizza.

What kind of pizza?

That California pizza.

Okay.

And what else then?

I don't know.

I don't know what to do.

You guys have any ideas?

I don't know what to do.

I want, yeah, do you guys have mushrooms there?

Yes, the wild mushroom we have.

Yeah, you got mushroom?

With the calypso?

Yeah, no, just mushroom, just mushroom by itself.

Just mushroom, you sure?

Yeah, yeah, just the mushroom.

No, no, just the mushroom.

Oh, you just want a mushroom on the side?

Yeah, yeah, just mushrooms.

Do you have that?

Yes, we have mushroom.

Good, I want you to take the mushroom and stick it up your ass.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Take the mushroom, cook it, and then put it in your bum,

between your bum cheeks, and then, like, spread your bum cheeks.

with the mushroom tip

yeah with the mushroom inside

and then just sort of wiggle your butt cheeks

just the tip

no no I'm serious

that's what I want you to do

I wish these guys would be quiet

I want you to take the mushroom and just wiggle

your bum cheeks around the mushroom tip

uh sorry you're making a fool of me

sir uh sorry

I'm not making a fool of you you're making a fool of yourself if you do it

you're making a fool of me

What the fuck

Okay

That was quite funny

You made it funny there

I was just saying

It was pretty good

Making a fool out of me

Wow

Doobie Brothers man

Alright

Is it time to call that guy

About the rings yet

Let's call him

No

Oh shit

I completely forgot about that

It's on the big board

It's been at least a year

Call the

Call the 7-Eleven back first

On the big board

Okay

7-Eleven first

On mine

That's it

Sir

Yell at him

Tell him you want your fucking rings

you're gonna play

the game

oh shit

good to be

created

yeah

love that shit

Michael McDonald

yep

who else

I don't know

who else

Joe Doobie

hello

yeah

is Amon there

is who

Amon

no

oh who's

maybe wrong number

is this Luke

yeah

oh hey

where are you

you're what

you were supposed to

come get the rings

yeah I'm just

just about there

okay

alright

All right, well, don't forget, come see Iman.

I'm here.

I'm waiting on you.

I was just saying, this is Iman.

All right?

Okay.

In about five minutes.

All right, hurry up, man, because I got to get going soon.

My shift is almost over, buddy, but I'm waiting here for you, okay?

Okay.

All right, buddy.

Bye.

All right, he's taking his time.

Fucking Puerto Rican, taking forever.

You almost fucked it up, didn't you?

I almost fucked it up, yeah.

Oops.

Quick question, Carlito.

Enigma wants to know if I can give him the new ID so he can call in.

Yeah, sure.

Sure, give him to him.

I think I've got to throw some cheese at my cat.

He's begging me for cheese.

Dobby.

Dobby, get in here.

He loves that cheese, man.

Did you get it?

That's the part, boy.

It's right there, you stupid.

There you go.

He's kind of slow.

Work you over for that shit, man.

You know that.

He's going to get diarrhea.

That's good.

Oh, shit's in Athena's shoes.

I could flop that first, though.

This is my favorite part here, guys.

Break it down.

Let me help.

ABC store.

I'm guessing that's a liquor store.

Store where you go and you lick them.

Hey.

Aaron, were you on last night?

Was it last night?

Saturday night?

No, I wasn't on last night.

I was at the show.

Oh, oh, duh.

Hello.

Last week.

True.

Hello, Lattice Store.

How are you?

Hello.

Good.

Do you have liquor there?

Is this a liquor store?

Lattice Store.

What do you mean a Lattice Store?

Huh?

Is this a liquor store?

Lattice Store.

Yeah, what are you doing?

What are you saying?

Well, you have liquor there.

Liquor?

Just a moment.

Oh, shit.

So they got the Bombay Sapphire?

I'm fucking drunk.

Yeah, you guys have...

Do you guys have liquor?

What?

Is this a liquor store?

This is a liquor store?

Is this Stupid Woman's store?

Is it?

Stupid Woman's store.

What kind of store?

Stupid Woman.

Liquor store?

Stupid Woman.

What kind of, what?

Stupid.

I think you got the wrong, I think you got the wrong number.

Okay?

Oh, yeah.

Make sure you dial right now, okay?

ABC Stupid Store.

Okay, call the other store.

Have a great day

Yeah go put a beer bottle up your cunt

Do that

Bye

Put a beer bottle up there

Up in that hole ears

She's still there

What the fuck

Yeah now you speak

Perfect English

It's just the liquor store

No I don't think you got the wrong number

Fuck I don't call here

You don't think I have the wrong number

Or is this the right number

bye

whatever

Sorry, I laughed, but that was fucking great.

What the fuck she's doing right there?

She asked me like six times in a row.

That's how they are in Guam.

You call Guam the women, they're like,

that incites me.

we had an echo as well

I don't know if you know

yeah it looked like

the echo was coming

from milkman's line

is that milkman's line

no I think it was

from her line

yeah anyway

uh Aaron

wasn't it

was it um

was Baz on your show

where you guys were

calling Saigon

Saipan

yeah

wasn't there some

curse that really

pissed some people off

I'm trying to remember

what the fuck that was

uh Peck Peck I thought

Peck Peck

yeah Peck Peck

he just busted out

with do you like Peck Peck

he's like what

why do you hate Peck Peck

Yeah, it's like sex or something like that.

But yeah, you have to ask for peck peck from the women.

Yeah, that was good.

That was good.

Yeah, I got them behind on edits.

Fuck.

Yeah, man.

I'm telling you.

Why don't you share the unedited ones with me, man?

I'll share my unedited with you.

Oh, okay.

I'll send you a couple.

There you go.

Put them in Dropbox.

Put them in the Dropbox or what is that other one?

I can't remember what it's called.

Dropbox is the best one, you know?

Well, the one that Enigma 420 has.

It's like his thing.

Box.

There's one called The Box.

i don't know that's his um i can't remember what it's called do you have access to my drop box

thing do you got access to that what the fuck kind of song is this no well the one that is is

his i drop it on there and then it's like a shareable uh mp3 okay yeah that's what i got

one like that and all my unedited shit goes in there and i put little pranks here it's file mob

dot com that's what okay oh yeah that's okay that works too i guess all right well moving right

right along here we got 76 circle k that's what it says 76 places so what's up with that what's

up with the new thing i i get it but i have three uh skype contacts just for you so which one do i

have to delete well this one you don't have to delete well i mean you don't have to delete any

of them if you unless you have to this one here is the one i'm going to use for live because the

caller id will go out it won't say madhouse on it anymore it'll say big business oh gotcha you

You know, so that's better, I think.

Because we've had a few people we've pranked, and they've said,

what's this Madhouse thing?

You know, they figure it out because of what comes up on the CID.

Yeah, now it's saying Skype caller on some caller IDs, too.

Yeah, unless if you do the caller ID process, you have to confirm a phone number,

but it'll show a number, and your ID name is your Skype username.

Oh, yeah, we don't want that.

We don't want that.

Well, I didn't want it to say Madhouse Pranks, so I got a new one that says Big Business.

so that's what'll go out i like i like the phone number going out because it comes back to the

google voice line and that's pretty cool i'll get the voicemail because they can call back and you

got voicemail there there you go there you go good thing you're aaron you should do that too

and what's uh everything okay with your new hardware did you get to test it i'd never got

a chance to help you out with that sorry man oh no actually i took all that shit back and ordered

a different unit because after about almost three hundred dollars of money i uh i had to buy a new

mic i had to buy all this stuff and it didn't really work so i got another one coming ah okay

well good luck with that there you go get the uh well you're getting a beringer beringer i don't

know how to pronounce it that's good yeah no it's a beringer uh go to something like that it's like

a separate card i got a beringer mixer i'm not sure what model it is but it's pretty good this

one acts as a separate sound card and i can plug my analog uh headset into it instead of having to

have an extra microphone all right i need to yeah yeah it's got it's got a um headphone amp in it

mine's got the same thing yeah exactly you got a xanax got the xanax yeah yeah that's the one

xanax four channel i forget the number you got the four channel one i got the 1202 xanax that's

what i use is that the 12 milligram 12 milligram the xanax xanax gen very funny very nice that's

It's pretty good equipment, really, for the price.

I mean, it's hard to beat the price, but really, they're very quiet.

Freeze better.

All right.

What about microphone?

What'd you get?

Did you get a Shure mic?

What'd you end up with?

Do you know?

No, I just have the, well, I bought a condenser mic.

Originally, it was $100 for the fucking microphone, but I'm just going to use the mic I'm on now

because I got a, like, a Ming-style headset.

Yeah.

And it's that same one that Oakman was saying.

But it actually has a microphone input, an eighth-inch microphone input, as opposed to

so a quarter inch or a XLR, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

It's all tech tech.

It's Nunu's favorite topic, actually.

Oh, yeah, he's loving it right now.

If you have a condenser mic, you've got to remember,

you have to have phantom voltage,

so you have to have a mixer that has phantom voltage in it.

The one that I had was a mixer with phantom power,

and that's why I bought the $100 fucking condenser mic.

And then I was looking at all the stuff,

and see, I have to take my laptop and set it up, like, in 15 minutes.

that's like you don't have a dedicated uh dedicated spot like maybe rbcp or carlito

so that's why that little tiny mixer i plug in my headphones set my settings and it should be good

to go cool yeah carlito baz i'll force him open he can handle the dynamic yes and i should have

added baz already but add him if i don't i forgot baz yeah add uh send that to him i did i just

talked to baz on uh skype yeah uh uh uh enigma 420 was trying to get on the line he's here

Enigma, you here, man?

Yeah, what's going on, man?

What's up, brother?

Salita, you need to call Amon back before he explains to this other dude.

What's up, Enigma?

I got to go in like 10 minutes.

Hey, what's going on?

All right.

I got you, Aaron.

No worries.

Everyone be sure to tune in to Aaron Saturday nights occasionally.

Whenever the fuck I want.

Check out his Facebook.

I'm sure he'll give you a heads up when he's coming on.

BrentWestwood.com.

Edit some shit, man.

Brent.com.

well and actually so since i got uh oh that's the best thing really is through all that i got a new

encoder and to process everything it's just the sam2 that i got rvcp hooked me up with nice and

it fucking works great and i got all the recording all down into one because before i was just using

the skype recorder so it was just really shitty yeah it breaks it all off and yeah use use the

sam encoder it's nice and convenient it puts it in like well it's not even it's the whole

the whole client is sam it's not an encoder through winamp anymore yeah it's a sam2 program

probably sam2 is what i use i don't like sam3 sam2 is better to be honest with you yes yeah

same thing yep yep actually that's the same copy i got it's the one he gave me all right hey 7-11

let's call him on do our april fools joke here in this guy penis i don't know how can help you

is this amman yeah did some guy come in there looking for some rings or something yeah buddy

he was there uh what happened he just left was he upset yeah why you got his number yeah should

i call him yeah calling me he'll come back okay well did he ask you for them or what happened

uh-huh what happened did he ask you for them instead of me or what happened yeah he asked

he asked me for it bro and what'd you tell him he said you know and he he got mad was he upset

yeah he's like nah someone just called me and then he came and i don't know if you want to call him

like be honest yeah just get him bro i was just fucking with him that's why you remember i called

you earlier and asked you for your name oh that was you yeah that was me yeah oh okay okay yeah

so you want to call him and yeah i'm gonna call him here yeah i sent him i sent him there for no

reason i don't have his rings i was just messing around with him like a joke you know yeah i'm

sorry to involve you in a joke i think it's pretty funny though right he didn't get did he yell at

you or anything or was it no he didn't yell he just like serious about it bro yeah i know so he

He lost some rings.

He lost his wedding ring, you know?

All right, bro.

Thank you, though.

Are you married?

Huh?

Are you married?

No, I'm not.

Oh, yeah.

So you don't know what it's like to have a wedding ring.

Yeah, I was going, though.

Oh, yeah, man.

You too, man.

It was good talking to you, Bunchud.

Cool.

Should have been like, are you married?

No.

You want to be.

Want to get the mushroom tip?

Oh, man.

The shiitake mushroom tip.

That's what I'm talking about.

All right.

Let's call this guy back.

You can share a bed with time, though.

Anytime.

That's a loving thing to share your bedroom.

That's what Michael Jackson taught us, you know.

Nothing wrong with that.

Emphasize how far he actually went.

Hello?

Yeah, hey, did you come for the ring?

I did what?

Did you come for the rings?

Yeah, I came for the rings, and no one was there, and didn't know anything about it.

Yeah.

So I headed back.

Yeah, no, I was just joking.

It was just a joke to send you there for April Fool's.

That was sweat?

It was an April Fool's joke that I sent you there.

Ah.

Yeah, I made you go all the way out there for nothing, you know.

Yeah, you're the last, I'd say.

Yeah, it's pretty funny, right?

Not really.

Did you think maybe that that guy had your rings and he didn't want to give them back?

Oh, you know, I don't have any idea.

I'm just, would like that.

Yeah.

Well, I hope you find them.

Well, I hope I do, too.

Yeah, well, good luck.

Did you look in the, like, the seat cushions and stuff?

Yep.

You looked there?

Did you look in your car?

Oh, there's a bunch of places I haven't looked yet.

Oh, yeah, well, you want a metal detector?

I talked to this guy earlier tonight.

He has a metal detector service.

Nope.

No?

I was really hoping you'd be upset or something.

Why are you so cool about it?

You know, life is when you die.

Why be upset?

I know.

You got a point.

Well, I mean.

It'll come back and bite you in the ass, so.

No, probably not.

It's karma.

Oh, all right.

Well.

Karma's bullshit.

Yeah.

Don't do anything stupid, old boy.

Well, be careful driving.

Don't get in an accident or anything like that.

That'd be bad.

Then I'd feel bad.

Well, he didn't get so angry.

That sucks.

Yeah, that's a shame.

He's probably really, really depressed because that's probably the reaction I'd give.

You know, I can just imagine somebody who's really, like, I don't know,

not happy with their life just to turn around and just be like, yeah, fuck it.

You do whatever you want to me.

You come.

I don't care.

Just be really cool about it.

There you go.

That's too bad that you got him to drive really far.

I mean, 20 minutes.

I mean, how far away is he?

That's a lot of petrol.

He was taking his sweet fucking time.

I bet he was farting.

I'll be there in 20.

It was like a half hour when you called him.

He's like, almost there.

Yeah, it's shit.

What are you saying?

That's bullshit.

Dude, when the show's over, I'm going to be watching Game of Thrones.

I'm so excited.

Season three.

Yeah, winter's coming.

I'm going to jack off to the Khaleesi, man.

Ah, Khaleesi.

Ah, she's hot.

Love that Khaleesi.

Hey, Carlito.

Hey, Baz.

Hey, happy Easter, everybody.

Hey, Baz.

It's not Easter anymore, motherfucker.

It's April Fool's Day.

What's that red-headed chick's name?

The one that, uh, the barbarian woman from the north?

I don't know

I don't remember her name

yeah

do you think we'll get to see

your tits this year

I hope

hopefully

I'm sure we do

I'm sure we will

I'm sure what's

I know

what's his name

Snow

forgot his first name

I'm sure he'll bang her

yeah I forget

he should have banged her

it's been so long

yeah he should have banged her

out in the fucking wilderness

out there when it was cold

yeah

yeah cause she was saying

hey I felt your heart on

and he was like

well I don't want to talk about it

I'm a virgin

yeah

well he's gonna get laid

it's gonna be awesome

yeah

and I hope I get to see

the midget naked too midgets freaking he's got a ass on him all right here's a circle k and guam

that we tried calling earlier oh we should do the peck peck thing with them that's yeah we were just

talking about that is that i heard that is that saipan though no it's guam it's actually tagalog

because there's a ton of latinos in guam and saipan sweet it means the uh cunt tagalog

Officer, Circle K Fountain.

Yes, hi. Is this Peck Peck?

I'm sorry, where is this?

Is this Peck Peck?

I'm sorry, no, it's not.

Oh, is Peck Peck there?

I'm sorry, who?

Can you ask for Peck Peck, please?

This is Circle K Fountain, positive, sir.

Yeah, Peck Peck is supposed to be there.

Can you ask, see if Peck Peck is there?

Peck Peck?

Yes.

There's no one by that individual name here, sir.

How do you know if you haven't asked yet?

One moment, sir.

All right. You sure it's a Guam 2?

She's asking. We'll find out.

Hello?

Hey, who's that baby?

Hello?

Who's the baby over there?

What do you mean?

I heard a baby talking.

Is this Peck Peck?

No, this is Fountain Paws Circle K.

Yeah, but I'm looking for someone named Peck Peck.

There's nobody here by that name.

Listen, you haven't asked yet,

and it's very important that you say out loud,

Peck Peck here, Peck Peck, like that.

No.

Why not?

Please?

We got to call Saipan with that.

I don't think they'd give a shit in Guam, dude.

Just my thinking.

Unless they're really...

Oh, here's a Saipan.

Here's a hard rock cafe in Saipan

There we go

I know it's been a low energy show

There have been some good pranks

But less than lackluster

Sorry guys, it can't be all winners

I'm a little depressed

So fucking deal with it

It's my mom's favorite holiday

She's not around anymore

It'll be worse on Mother's Day

Come on

Phone

How can I rock your world

Yes, you can rock my world

old. I'm looking for Peck Peck. Peck Peck. Who? Peck Peck. Sorry. Peck Peck. Um, please hold on.

Okay. How can I rock you well? Hello? Yeah, is this Peck Peck? I'm sorry, are you calling Hard Rock

Cafe? Yeah, Hard Rock Cafe. You're the effeminate man. Do you speak Tagalog? You're looking for who?

You're looking for who? Uh, Peck Peck. I'm sorry, you got the wrong number. Do you speak Tagalog?

No. No? You're not Filipino? No. Okay, never mind. What are you? What kind of disgusting

What kind of disgusting person are you?

Sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

What kind of devil person are you?

I'm sorry.

I like how she fucking answered the phone.

How can I rock your world?

I got a few fucking suggestions.

Yeah, give me some peck peck, baby.

I'm talking about peck peck.

How can I rock your world?

Oh, fuck yeah.

Peck peck, please.

Well, guys, I thought I could sneak out of this family gathering, but I guess I can't.

I just wanted to check in and say hello, but I got to run.

Well, happy Easter.

Christ is risen.

Happy Easter, you guys.

Bye.

See you guys next time.

Happy Zombe Jesus Day.

All right.

See you later, you bonchards.

Bye.

Love you.

Yeah, mother chit.

Yep, that's what he is.

Okay, let's continue with the show a little bit more here.

Maybe another half hour or so.

How about that?

Half hour sausage party.

Do you think we can get into that now?

What are you talking about, Mokpan?

All right, here's Coffee Care in Saipan.

Let me check Request a Prank right after this also.

Request a Prank's been kind of slow lately.

Yes, hi. I'm calling for Peck Peck.

Hello, yes?

Yes, is Peck Peck there?

Who?

Peck Peck.

This is Coffee Curse, sir. What are you looking for?

I'm looking for a coffee, a supply of coffee.

What's the largest amount you have for, like, a catering?

For the coffee?

Yeah.

Would you like to order a coffee?

Uh-huh, a big coffee for...

I'm going to put it in a hose, in a box, in a hose, and put it in my asshole.

Put in the where, sir?

Yeah, I'm going to hold it in my ass for a while, you know?

Excuse me, sir, I can't understand.

You want to order a coffee?

Yeah, a coffee enema.

I'm going to put the hose in my ass and put the coffee and hold it in my ass and swish it around.

I'm going to move my little booty all around like I'm dancing,

like that guy from Queen that died from AIDS.

You know who that guy is?

Excuse me, sir?

Yeah, I want to clean all up in the guts, you know, get all my guts clean with coffee.

Flush all the bad stuff.

So if you want to order a coffee, sir, you can come here.

What's the biggest coffee?

Peck Peck.

Huh?

Peck Peck.

Which one, sir?

Peck Peck.

Texas?

Yeah, Peck Peck.

You're in Texas right now?

No, no, no, I'm in Saipan.

So you want to bring in...

Yeah.

You want to bring in Texas?

You want to order a coffee?

No.

A coffee bean, sir?

No, no, no, stupid.

I want to put hot coffee in my asshole.

So, if you want to order coffee, you can come in here and, uh...

Yeah, but what's the biggest size coffee for my asshole I can use?

Yeah, just hold on, I think I'll...

Mick mock Mick.

I think she actually speaks the language.

I don't think she speaks any language.

She's just faking the accent.

I don't know, homie.

Hello?

Hey, how are you?

I'm good.

What's the largest size coffee you have?

Because I'm trying to get an enema party here.

We're going to do coffee enemas together, you know?

Do you know what an enema is?

Yeah, sir.

I'm sorry.

We just have our special machine.

It's not working yet.

So we just have regular coffee.

Well, that's what I need, regular coffee.

I want a big amount of regular coffee to put it in my friend's asshole.

Just come here, sir.

What do you want to buy?

Well, do you have a bathroom I can use?

Huh?

Do you have a bathroom I can use?

He's going to lay down on the bathroom.

Bathroom?

Yeah, in the bathroom.

I'm going to put coffee in his asshole.

No, we don't have, sir.

Do you have asshole?

We don't have, sir.

Do you have an asshole?

You?

No, sir, we don't have.

Sorry.

Do girls have a prostate or no?

I don't know.

Jen, do girls have prostates?

Of course.

Only coffee, sir.

Oh, can I touch your prostate?

Yeah.

There you go.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

Okay.

Well, bye, stupid.

Bye.

Stupid, stupid show.

Worst show.

Worst show of 2013 right here.

You're listening to this.

Well, we got some good music, though.

Thanks, guys.

Harold Reasons on Facebook says,

Jen Stewart rocks.

Letting you know, Jen.

It's a great show, man.

Don't put yourself down there.

He's going to make my penis hurt.

Hey, did you get a message from Cobra on your Skype?

Cobra on Skype.

I added him.

I don't know if he messaged me.

Okay, well, we've got a hot number for this guy who gets really angry.

He's writing a message now, it looks like.

Okay, a hot...

Shit in the chamber.

Okay, good.

Send it on in, Napasa.

All right.

Jose is going to be joining us here.

Big Jose.

I thought he was fucking banned.

No, I was just kidding.

I was just being stupid.

He's a good kid.

He can never get his microphone right, though.

That's what I'm saying.

He needs to get a good mic.

That's all.

Oh, okay.

Apparently, females do not have prostate.

They don't have prostate glands.

They have something similar.

Clitoris.

No.

I can't even read what the scheme's gland.

What the fuck?

I've massaged it.

I've seen it.

I'm sure I've massaged it at one point or another.

Massaged a few of them.

And I've treated it.

I think I've probably destroyed one.

Yeah, there you go.

On a 16-year-old?

Oh.

You would put the fucking shocker in a year.

He was doing the two in the pink, one in the stink action.

Yeah, but which one was in the stink?

Two.

Tlaib says he's listening from Rio.

All right, Rio.

Rio de Janeiro.

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

Fucking Carlitos is going global.

Fuck, we're all over, man.

I'd like to visit New Zealand.

I think that would be a lot of cool place, as long as there's not an earthquake.

They get some nasty earthquakes there, but I really would like to visit that country.

pushing out the constipation okay why am i rambling let's do more prank calls

he's still typing he's taking forever to type his message this is i don't know why this guy

this cobra just got lte he's getting 25 down or 36 down at fucking on his phone what's he got

ryzen uh no i think it's at&t oh shit good for him there's not a lot of users where he is he

He says he sent it.

Okay, I got it now.

Jorge, Yolanda's cousin?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So the deal is that he has a separate line attached to his phone,

and the person who had it before, her name is Yolanda,

but we called this Jorge guy, and he gets pretty upset.

This is the guy that last week, I think it was last Saturday,

I called and I tried to have him pray for the Pope with me after I cussed him out.

Pope Francis.

All right.

call the guy back about the ring uh yes milkman wish you paid attention

missing a hell of a show leave your message for uh he's not gonna fucking answer

yeah man i used to get mad at andy back in the day i would say that to him all the time he'd

be sitting we'd be doing a show and he would stop paying attention and start doing crossword puzzles

fucking no i had a customer man i didn't i didn't catch the outcome man i had to be quiet i was

Yeah, that's cool.

He didn't get mad or nothing.

He was just like, whatever, man.

Karma's going to get you.

That's all he said.

He was playing the karma game with us.

It's like, who cares, right?

What an anti.

I'm not Indian.

I don't care.

Yeah, I'm not Hindu.

Yeah.

Karma doesn't work on me.

I'm Catholic.

I can go confess all my sins and I'm straight.

All right.

Country house, steakhouse.

Jim, would you like to do that meat spin idea again?

Here's a steakhouse for you, buddy.

No.

All right, bye.

No, I'll do it.

I'll do it.

I'll give it a try.

I got to get one in and I got to go.

There you go, Aaron.

Okay, yeah, he's got to go.

Get it in.

He's got to throw the wife down the fucking stairs.

Well, maybe put my penis somewhere.

I don't know.

Yeah, in the stairs.

In the stairs.

It's got a glory hole in the fucking stairs.

In between the banister and the fucking carpet.

You know what would be funny?

If there was a glory hole and you put a riot trap in it.

Mouse trap.

Oh, ow.

That fucking happened not too long ago.

I read that about, I think it was last year.

Sometimes someone was doing that shit.

Seriously?

Yeah.

That was on The Shield, the show The Shield.

The Shield, yeah.

I used to fucking love that show.

I was pissed when that fucking ended.

Yeah.

They ended it so shitty, too.

Busy, is it?

Let me try it again.

Yeah, remember the guy was stuck there.

The cops showed up.

Like, help me.

It was kind of funny when the captain ended up having to suck that guy's dick.

Like a cell bitch.

That's what he said.

You ever suck a dick like a cell bitch, cop?

That's a beta.

His wife was a bitch about it, too.

his wife like kicked him out of the house because it happened it was hilarious at the end he fucking

got away with like everything yeah felt bad for freaking shane gardaki was it gardaki shane

gardaki yeah no that wasn't his last name yeah yeah gardaki yeah that's right i don't remember

their name shane gardaki curtis uh shane van drill hello hello oh yes is this country house

Yes, this is Country House.

Oh, I'm going to put Aaron on the line.

Go ahead, Aaron.

Hello, Country House.

Hello.

I'd like to make an order.

What the fuck?

Was that a steakhouse?

It's a bullshit.

I'll try it again.

Sorry.

What is the place?

It's the Country House Steakhouse in Guam.

Okay, that's what I thought.

Oh, my God.

These people suck over there, Saipan, dude.

Country House, this is Aaron.

Hello, I'd like to ask about your menu.

Our menu?

Yes.

Yes, you have steak?

What about?

Yes, we do.

What cut of the steak is it?

We have rice and also T-bone.

Oh, okay.

Do you have the asshole?

Apple?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, we don't.

No, I can't have the cow asshole?

Apple?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, we don't serve apple.

How about the...

You don't...

What about the peck peck?

Excuse me?

Do they have the peck peck?

Just a moment.

Okay, fuck.

Oh, shit.

You don't serve asshole.

Hello.

hi i wanted to ask about the meat about the meat yes the steak uh-huh yes sir okay what what's the

best cut you have oh what's the best cut we have do

Okay, hello.

Hello, can you hear me?

Yes, yes, yes.

Do you understand English?

Yes, yes.

We have different kinds of steak here.

It doesn't really sound like it.

Hello.

Yeah, do you have the cow?

Shut up.

Do you have the cow asshole?

We don't have, sir.

No, you don't have the cow asshole?

Yeah.

We have those tenderloins.

Oh, the tenderloins?

What about the bull balls or the penis?

Can you fry up the penis?

No, we don't have those things.

You don't have the cow penis?

Yes, nothing.

Sorry, sir.

No.

I had an Asian friend.

He would serve me the cow penis.

Sorry, we don't have those things.

What about the peck peck?

No.

No, you're all out of that, too?

No, we don't have those things.

Uh, do you have stupid fucking foreign people that work there?

Foreign workers.

But the foreign workers?

Yeah, we don't like those people.

I don't want any dirty people to touch my food, so...

Can I just come back there and just, like, make the food myself?

You can visit here.

Okay, sounds busy.

Okay.

So, and then the woman?

Can I maybe touch the woman that I was just on the phone with?

You cannot.

Oh, no, is she your wife?

No, no.

No, no, because she sounded pretty stupid.

Oh, my God.

Just visit us, sir, here, and you can order those.

All right, you can go fuck yourself, okay?

All right.

All right, fuck you.

Good night.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, okay.

I'll go fuck myself.

No problem.

I fucking started laughing when she was like,

Asshole!

Asshole?

No.

Asshole.

Oh, fuck.

That's funny.

Yeah.

Mr. Gandhi.

Assholes, you know, on the nice girl.

Asshole with some barbecue sauce tastes good, man.

Sure, why not?

Yeah.

more about it

alright well I gotta go

alright Aaron bye have fun

see you later

that's Brent Westwood everybody

host of the Brent Westwood show

starring Brent Westwood and Bruce Southwood

and MPSA Cobra

hey let's call our good friends

in Iran

no Iran

oh Persia

hello

salam alaikum

yay buddy I'm American

Are you American? How do you feel?

Hello?

Yes.

Are you Persian?

Yes.

Does that mean you kiss boys on the lips and touch them on their bodies?

Hello?

Yes, hi. Are you Persian?

You are Persian?

Does that mean you kiss the boys on the lips and touch their bodies, their naked bodies, and their chest?

Okay.

What do you mean okay?

Chinese. Are you Iranian or American?

I'm American.

Okay, what do you want to help you?

Because Iranians, I heard they love to kiss other boys.

The boys kiss boys.

Kiss boys?

Yeah, you know, they're gay.

No.

Homosexual Iranian?

Yeah.

Yeah, are you masturbating right now with that guy?

No, no.

Oh, do you ever masturbate at all?

Yeah, what do you want?

Oh, I want to get a reservation.

Reservation, okay, go ahead.

Do you want to come to Iran, visit Iran?

on yeah i'm gonna visit i'm gonna come with a boy and we're gonna sleep in the bed and have sex in

the bed with you yeah okay go looking for joy next time go to hell okay stupid i cannot help

you yeah the ayatollah is a homosexual you are sexual ayatollah homosexual okay right

and we get the persian translator right on that one man oh by the way someone on the four in the

the website was saying he could translate all those turkish things someone posted that as a

comment oh shit i didn't see that yeah i gotta get with that guy yeah yeah hello hey buddy how are

you hello i cannot help you can you i'm looking for the next next year no listen okay i'm gonna

bring an israeli homosexual there to have sex with okay you are a sick are you sick i'm gay

Oh, gay.

I'm beautiful.

Beautiful, homosexual.

He's really homosexual.

Okay.

Are you sick?

I'm not gay.

I like it.

You wear a turban, too.

Your turban is dirty.

You got it, Ken.

Take it away, man.

Your turban is dirty.

Pull that out while he pees.

I'd love to hear that.

Ask him if he'd like to smell you.

You know, they start off by touching each other's genitals and smelling each other.

Oh, he hung up.

It turned into gas.

Excellent.

uh no worries we got another hotel in iran this one is in tehran the capital of iran there you

go can i try it sure man there you go you can go for it just uh really stay away from the bombing

stuff when we're calling because i'm 90 certain a lot of these calls get monitored by uh the feds

you know what i mean and they should they should hello lady how are you thank you yeah thank you

I'm coming there to stay as a guest, do you understand?

What?

I'm coming to the restaurant, not to the hotel there, and I'm staying as a guest.

I'm going to stay there, I'm going to sleep there.

Which day, which day?

Which day? Today, and I want an assistant.

Yeah, yeah, I want a man.

What?

Single or single?

Single, single, but I want a man with me, do you understand?

I want you to arrange for another gentleman to join me.

Okay, what's your name?

My name is Mr. Stewart.

What's your name?

My name is Fereshteh. What's your name?

Yeah, Jin. Yeah, what's your name?

Fereshteh.

I don't understand it, but do you want to join me in my room?

Difficult.

Yeah, yeah, difficult. But you and me in my room in the hotel, yes? You and me, you understand?

Yes, I understand.

We can smell each other. Do you like that idea?

What?

Have you ever smelled a man before?

Smell man?

Yeah, yeah. Have you ever smelled a man from another land?

Okay, okay.

Yeah? You like that idea? How much, how much does it cost? How much money?

For one night.

For one night, yes.

For one night. You and me, together, one night, smelling, $35, yeah?

Yes.

Excellent. I like it. And what will you be wearing?

What?

What clothes will you have on?

Breakfast.

Breakfast?

Yes, Roman breakfast.

You will be wearing breakfast? How can you wear breakfast?

What is it? Stupid? What nonsense is this?

I have a room. Please come here and look for it.

Okay, but I want to be sure that together we will do things together in the room.

You and me.

You and me?

Yeah, yeah, me and you.

You and me and me and you.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la.

You know that song?

The porn show?

Yeah, yeah.

Hello?

I think she called you a bunch of...

I'll call her back for you, Jen, all right?

All right.

I think she's still there. I don't know. They're stupid there.

They don't speak English.

Ask her if you can see her hair.

I want to smell her.

Smell her hair.

Yeah, that's good.

That's really good.

Actually, I would like to do that with most women.

I'd do that anyway.

Do you ever do that?

Do you ever get close to a girl and just smell her casually?

Yeah, sure, man.

I don't know why I do it.

Girls smell good.

They usually smell like hairspray and stuff, but it smells good.

Yeah, I get that.

If you get too close.

like in the morning you know like if you just yeah go down there take a smell yeah make oinky

noises like a pig wow i'll smell that good morning okay here's a different hotel in iran

i ran so far away milkman welcome back milkman

hello hello yeah you speak english yeah a little bit how much is a little bit

what ice cream you're a stupid idiot cunt oh you're just pointless if they don't speak english

just that stupidity you're still am i in or am i out you're gay

am i in it says call ended you're in are you in or are you out are you in you tell me mom i'm in

you're in crazy fuck jesus was that what the hell was that guy's problem

you played an ice cream that was really fun that's what i heard ice cream music i was like

ice cream ice cream yeah man send down some money ice cream guys don't scare off lonesome's

girlfriend all right it worked a hard long time to get a girlfriend i would sniff her

yeah don't let jen around her man oh he has 10 body fat she'd love it she'd lick individually

All right, no answer there.

Moving right along.

Halle Hotel in Iran.

Halle Hotel.

I hope you guys are enjoying the show.

You know, even when the calls aren't that good, we still try to entertain you.

Chicken.

Yes, hi.

Is this the hotel in Iran?

Hi.

Oh, good.

I like to make a reservation.

When I come, I want to see your hair.

No, I want to, and I want to see your hair.

Can I call with this number?

Well, I think there's someone listening on the phone, on the other, you know?

Someone's listening.

I will give you another phone number.

You call with that.

No.

What about now?

Is it better now?

Better, yeah.

Okay.

Can I make a reservation and you come to the room and sit down with me?

Okay.

Wait a moment.

Oh, bitch.

What's that noise?

Kalita, is that...

That's their line.

line. That's either a bad connection

or they're probably some Iranian guy

monitoring it. That'd be my guess.

Republican guard guy.

They tap into

the lines. Oh god, it sounds like shit.

I don't want to talk to that place. Here's the Farsi

Hotel. Farsi. Farsi.

Farsi. That's the name of the language there.

Yeah, isn't it?

That's what they call it. Their version of Arabic is

Farsi. Farsi.

In Jamaica, isn't

Farsi, isn't that a swear word, isn't it?

Might be. They have a lot of swear words in Jamaica.

dude hi milkman you're in oh i hear you and i hear beep beep beep ringing ringing ringing cool

that's the android yeah it's cool man how do i how do i get out of this i forget oh no i'm

scratching my balls right now i'm busy all right i'll just enjoy it hello yes hi i'd like to make

a reservation yeah farsi hotel uh-huh can i make a reservation please

Please, shut up.

You speak English?

Can I speak to an English man?

You speak English, bigot?

English, my friend wants to talk English with you.

Oh, okay.

Hi, I'd like to make a reservation.

Yes, yes.

Okay.

I'm from Israel.

I work for Mossad.

Okay.

Come here.

No more shit.

What?

Can you speak English, please?

I don't speak that shit.

Come here.

Okay.

And you kiss me?

Boyfriend.

Can you still hear me?

Yeah, Milkman, we hear you.

Will you stop asking?

Thank you.

Will you please call me back because I can't tell if this thing is muted or unmuted.

Okay, bye.

Milkman is a Sharmuta.

Hello, Sharmuta.

Hello.

Yes, hi.

Do you speak English?

Yes, what do you want, sir?

Oh, yes, I'd like to make a reservation.

Yes, which day is it, Ken?

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Okay, no problem.

I want two men in one bedroom.

Okay, okay.

Okay.

Okay, now do you have any young boys that are handsome that will come to my room?

Okay, you came here to talk together, no problem.

Okay, no, in one bed.

So we're going to sleep together in one bed.

Okay.

And then you come to the bed and I'm going to massage, give you a massage.

No problem, you came here.

Yeah, but can I massage you?

No, no, no.

I don't want to massage an Iranian man, you know?

It makes me sexually excited.

Nothing in the air.

Oh, come on, man.

You never thought about it before.

You never thought about it?

Came down.

You came here.

No problem, sir.

Okay.

What about your mother?

Huh?

Do you have a mother?

You have Olmec?

Olmec.

Eat him all.

I'm looking at my cat.

He's covering his nose because I'm smoking a cigar.

It's the cutest thing ever.

He's like, oh, it smells bad.

I'm pretty sure that's why he's doing it.

It's 1 o'clock.

I'm getting ready to wrap it up here.

Let me see.

Well, we got a few UK numbers here.

Those are always fun.

Let's do those and wrap it up.

How about that, guys?

Yeah, it's 6 o'clock in the morning.

It's good out there.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, oh yeah.

All right, cool.

Let me play a porno song real quick.

This is William Rugg.

Actually, I'm going to paste.

I've got a few numbers here I'm going to paste in the Skype chat.

Oh, wait a minute.

I said I was going to check request a prank.

Oh, by the way, Milkman, if you can hear me, that guy, I've got to reach out to him.

His name is Gunay, G-U-N-A-Y, Gunay.

Gunay, if you're listening now or in the future, hit me up, staff at madhouselive.com,

Staff at madhouselife.com

And I'd like you to translate those Turkish curses

That the Turkish horse told us

Just to get an idea of what he was saying

You know what I mean?

That'd be cool

Hey guys

Hey, Jose's here

Trying to get Milkman back on

He keeps dropping in and out

Hello

Hey, Milkman

What about now? Good?

Hey, there you are

Alright, good, good

Hey, uh

What's up, Jose?

I sent you that message, Carlito

You sent me a message?

Holy shit

You sent me a message

Hello

Is this William?

William? William Rugg?

Who's calling, please?

Oh, my name is Cross.

Do you realize what the time is over in England?

Uh, yeah, it's April 1st.

It's only 6 o'clock in the morning.

I know, yeah, it's April 1st, and it's a holiday, so I wanted to give you a call.

All right, who's calling, please?

Oh, my name is Cross, I told you. I'm from United Kingdom Television Machines.

Well, I was ready to sleep.

Can you wake him up? It's important.

Can you ring back?

When?

Later in the morning.

No, no, no. I'm going to put gin on the line, because I can't deal with you. You're a bitch.

go ahead jen hello i don't know it's a very rude man actually i'm not a rude man actually i think

you're a rude lady to my friend there he was uh he was being polite to you i thought i'm sorry but

it's six o'clock in the morning we're in bed why would you be in bed at six o'clock in the morning

though you lazy tart tart i go for a tart knife ah come on i used to get before every morning

where's the hissing coming from hello not me good morning good morning who's that william how you

you doing well that's gin sorry who's calling gin gin stewart is it snowing where you are sorry i'm

not i don't know who i'm talking to you're talking to gin stewart is it snowing where you are no it

isn't are you sure have a look outside i think it's snowing because i live on your road so i'm

pretty sure it's not where you are it's not where i am sorry i don't understand the phone call at

four it's not four o'clock you donkey your wife just said it was six o'clock how can it be four

whatever it's what it was yeah we've had two calls you donkey hey yeah he's a donkey sure

Sure enough, he's a donkey.

You're right.

I had to cut Jose off because he had a lot of noise.

Jose, I want you to be a part of the show.

I want you to be with us, but you always have bad audio problems.

Hello?

William?

Hello?

Hello, ma'am?

Sir?

Fuck off.

Listen, we called you because it's April Fool's Day.

We just wanted to wake you up early, you know?

Okay.

Wait, we should do that thing again where we actually know what it looks like.

Send me their address details.

I'll get it up on Google Maps, and then we'll actually make something out of this.

We'll really get them to do something.

Look in the Skype chat.

The next one.

The address is there.

Hold on a second.

Let me do this.

Yeah, yeah.

So do a couple.

And then which one am I looking at?

William Sweeney is the next one.

William Sweeney.

Yeah.

Okay, let's have a look.

The Manor what?

Manor Hall.

What the fuck?

I don't even know.

All right, let's try it.

Let me just get it up first.

It doesn't have an address.

I don't think that's going to work for you.

How about David instead?

No, no.

The Manor Hall Lane is definitely a place.

Oh, okay.

All right, sorry. All right, well, you tell me when you're ready.

In Leicester. All right, hold on a second. All right, let's just get Street View up.

All right, do you need time? Do you want me to call this Greek restaurant in...

Um, no, I should be right there. Okay, I got it.

Here we go. Prepare.

That doesn't make any sense, but it doesn't matter.

It's the wrong address.

Too late now.

That was funny.

Hello, good morning. Yeah, how are you?

Good morning.

Yeah, how are you? William?

Who is it?

It's Jin.

Who?

Jin. You know Jin Stewart? Hello?

Jin?

Yeah, Jin. Jin Stewart. Yeah.

From where?

Yeah, from here, from Market Harbour.

Are you waking? Are you awake?

Yeah, what are you ringing for?

I just, what are you doing over there?

Hello?

Hello.

Yeah, yeah, why are you being quiet and slow?

What's wrong with you? Are you slow?

I don't know why you're ringing. Why are you ringing?

I want, you tell me what you're doing over there.

What are you doing?

Where do you live?

I live in Market Harbour.

I don't know you.

Yeah, you do. I'm Gene Stewart.

Everybody knows me. I'm a celebrity over here.

And why are you ringing me?

Because I want to come over and sniff you.

Is that okay?

You want to what?

Come over and sniff you.

You know sniff?

Like smell you.

Good Lord.

Why?

What's your address?

I'm next door to you.

I live at the manor.

William, what if we smelled each other?

Would that be okay?

Could I make a video of it as well?

He's like a complete shark.

He really took his time on that.

I'll call him back.

Yeah, you do that.

And I'll look at the next one on Google Maps.

I'm finally here to take your call at the moment.

Please leave a message, and we'll call you back.

Oh, very fancy. Nice.

Please leave a message, and we'll call you back.

Message, okay.

Next, we've got two numbers left here.

I'll call the Greek.

Yeah, that David guy, I've got the street view up,

and I just can't see the house numbers.

It is really annoying.

It sucks.

Well, let me call this Greek place first, and we'll do that.

Thank you for calling and sending me a Greek restaurant.

We would like to wish you a happy and safe Easter holiday.

We will be closed on Good Friday, re-opened for Saturday the 30th of March,

and closed again for Sunday and Monday.

We will re-open again on Tuesday the 2nd of April.

Should you like to leave a message, please do so.

So they're closed or open? I'm confused.

Lonesome said a guy answered. I'll try again.

Thank you for calling the Greek restaurant.

We would like to wish you a happy and safe...

All right, never mind.

All right, so you've got David. Here's David.

Good luck with this.

Last call of the night. Good luck, Jen.

Hi, is that Mrs. Alleybone?

Yes.

Yeah, this is Mr. Stewart.

I live at number 5, Alvington Way,

just down the road from you there.

Yes.

We've just seen somebody running across the road there,

up Smythe Coast,

and just running and banging on all the doors.

He's come on our door.

He's been banging on our door,

and actually we saw him running into your property over there.

Did you really?

Yes.

Right, thank you very much.

We'll have a look.

Well, can you please hold on a second?

Second, is it you or is it one of your kids or something?

We don't have children, no.

Right, so how can he just, you know, run into your property?

That's what I'm trying to establish because obviously it's not, you know,

it's a bit early in the morning for this kind of thing.

Well, nobody's run into our property.

Well, actually, we saw him running into your property

because as soon as I opened the door, that is exactly where I went.

And I know who you are because I know your neighbours

and I know the people across the road from you at number 21 there.

And so, you know, I think you're lying.

Well, I don't know how you can be saying all this.

There's nobody outside our property.

Well, I think maybe you're trying to protect your kids or whatever,

but I don't respect that at all because it's so early in the morning.

You know, my wife's trying to sleep, I'm trying to sleep, we've got little kids, you know.

I don't have any children. We're pensioners.

Well, okay, then why would you be running around at this hour of the morning knocking on people's doors?

Well, nobody is. Nobody's knocked on our door. The dog hasn't barked. I don't know what you're going on about.

Well, we've just literally opened the door two minutes before I've called you and I've seen them running into your property there.

Well, where do you live? I'm sorry.

I live at number five. Yeah, just down the road from you. Literally on the crossroad there for Smythe Coast.

Well, I'm sorry.

Honestly, we sleep at the front of the house.

Nobody's come in.

We don't have anybody here other than ourselves.

You are a filthy liar.

Sorry?

I say you're a filthy liar and a cheat and a scoundrel,

and I'm going to report you to the police right now,

and I'm going to say that you were banging on my door

at this hour of the morning, making me awake,

waking my child, my small child.

You were waking it.

Yeah, okay.

Will you do that?

Will you report us to the police now, please?

You're absolute filth, you are.

I can't believe people like you are allowed to live.

You know, you speak.

He said you're filth.

You got something to say about that?

She killed it, mate.

Well, she's there.

No, no, she killed it.

You heard it.

Oh, she did?

I don't know.

Good times.

All right, Jen.

Well, that's it.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you for that last prank call.

All right.

Enigma, thanks for being on, man.

It's good seeing you, man.

You know?

Yeah, it's good seeing you, too, man.

Great show tonight.

Keep it up.

Keep holding it down.

All right, man.

And good luck with everything tomorrow.

All right.

All right, see you, man.

See you later.

I think he has a big surgery tomorrow.

I'm excited about that.

Big Ken.

All right.

Fuck yeah, man.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Good luck to you.

Yeah, man.

That's a real popular line.

Everyone's talking about, oh, fuck yeah, you know?

You got a big thing there.

That's not the only big thing.

Yeah, big fingers.

All right, see you later, Ken.

Bye.

He just laughs.

I guess Jen will stay here while Milkman takes us out, motherfucker.

Yeah.

Thanks for having me on again, man.

Oh, you're welcome.

Nope, man.

Hey, man, oh, man, what a freaking massive night, man.

That's right, kids, it's that time again.

Roll them fucking chimes, roll them fucking chimes, my friend.

I'd like to thank everybody for stopping in.

All our friends right there, the Madhouse 10, 8.6, the Mouth Berrics, everybody that checked in tonight, you're certainly welcome.

Certainly enjoyed having you, everybody, especially you, our number 10 man, right there at the top of our list.

Thank you so much.

Butch, my brother outfit held high for the number 10, man.

That's right.

I'd like to thank everybody else that called in, our special guests,

especially Jim Storch, the man.

Jim Storch is calm.

Don't forget to stop by and check out this guy's muscles, man.

This guy is massive, man.

You've seen his pecs.

You've seen his abdominal weight.

You've seen this guy's forearms.

Amazing.

I'd also like to thank all our friends that called in tonight,

everybody, especially you.

That's right.

Our listeners, our friends, our dear friends,

Every week we drop a dime, and we just ask that you give us the time, bring a friend or family, bring an enemy.

Because we're always welcome right here in the Madhouse, your most interactive show, right here on the internet in your ear balls.

And what would we do without our fearless leader, Jen Leesvold of the Madhouse, man.

Thank you so much.

Excellent show, my brother.

Love you, big man.

Love you, big man, yourself.

JenStewart.com is his website.

That's the website.

Love you, Kondi-Town.

Yeah.

All right, guys, we'll be here next week.

April.

Well, you guys will.

I won't, unfortunately.

Oh, bye.

Good.

I'm back to work.

It'll be like shagging.

Yeah, all that.

Yeah.

Shooting arrows.

Yeah.

All right, guys.

Well, thanks, everyone, for tuning in tonight.

Happy Easter.

Enjoy your week.

We'll catch you next Sunday for more Madhouse.

Bye.

Madhouselife.com is the website, of course.

Prank calls there, shows, podcasts, and, you know, be sure to tune in Friday nights

for tux and the tux machine and uh rbcp on saturdays for his pre-cum show dirty aaron on

occasional saturdays for his brent westwood show and if you're interested in doing a prank call

show hit me up also we'll give you an audition and if you're good you can do it all right okay goodbye

Calls (43, 1 h 47 min of 3 h 4 min)

Transcript

Comments 0