Meatball Soup

Smoke weed every day.

Motherfucker.

I am bisexual.

I'm fabulous.

Good evening, everybody.

Inside Voices tonight.

Yeah.

Do-ba-do-ba-da-ba-do-ba.

Scooby-dooby-dooby-do-ba.

Boop-boop-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-boop.

Do-ba-do-ba-do-ba-do.

This song I dance to with my, I just put my thumbs out.

Each side of my hips.

I hold my thumbs by my hips and I poke them out.

And they go left and right.

i'm like yeah yeah anyway well good evening everybody thanks for hanging in there uh milkman

is having technical difficulties that's why we're late i would have started on time but milkman's

having some issues getting connected fully over there on his end on skype etc uh so i was trying

to coach him on the phone helping him out offering some free it tech support and uh he decided that

while i uh while he works on that i'd go ahead and start the show because you guys have been

been waiting long enough so sorry about that i'll give him a call here in a few more minutes just

going to give him some more time to hopefully finish setting up in the meantime this is mad

house radio welcome we'll be doing prank calls and such tonight the website is madhouse live.com

madhouse live.com that's our home base machine uh yeah lots of things there you know the podcast

and chat room and the pictures and the forums that no one uses i'm gonna shut those forums off

guys come on i don't know is there a problem with the forums because no one's posted there in a

month and i know we had uh we had an issue with the uh the logging on logging out system there

that we fixed this week i don't know how long i have been going on for uh but if anyone can let

me know why you're not using the forums uh is there a problem logging in right now is it not

working for anybody or you guys just not using it if you're not using it that's cool whatever

i'm just wanting to make sure it isn't that people are trying to use it and can't because

we have been having problems with it all right well we're also are on uh cacti radio pla radio

i don't know what it's called these days uh hi everyone there and also a big what's up to

everyone listening live on blue planet prank radio motherfuckers all of you we got lots of

Frank Paul Ideas tonight here, Lonesome Loser, has been sending in some numbers that we can call.

By some, I mean he sent in a shitload already, including someone who has a $600 reward for a lost golden wedding band.

We have, it was lost while surfing.

Yeah, we also have a few restaurants here, including the Waterfall Cafe.

Man, I hope they have a waterfall there.

We also have some 7-Eleven machines, a place called Cold Storage.

That sounds cool, man, Cold Storage.

We got one of the restaurants.

We got the restaurant at the Ikea in Singapore.

That's pretty random.

We also have Reverend Jones.

We got a lot of good numbers here to get to from Lone Center Ready,

and I'm sure we'll be getting more throughout the night.

So looking forward to that.

Your prank requests are accepted.

They're encouraged, actually.

if you go over to the madhouse live site madhouse live.com once again if you didn't catch that

before there is a request to prank form right there free to use uh we don't share your information

we keep you anonymous pretty easy and simple to figure out and fill out there to send those

prank requests throughout the night i'll get to them as i can can't get to them all but i get to

them as i can big ken's already sent in some numbers including a one bedroom apartment for

for share for 350 a month and and we also have someone who wants to share their apartment with

an indian student his name is zach i don't think he's indian i think he just has an indian fetish

i don't know any indians named zach um also big bolas big cojones it's calling about what

okay there's a woman called georgina who's the owner of a store charges five dollars for people

just because they go showrooming wow so she charged i don't know what she does though this

is in australia anyway we got that number here also so that when i'm getting it i say all that

say this request a prank's open use it if you have a prank you want us to do um that's usually

the easiest way to get it to me as opposed to trying to message me or send it to someone in

the chat room it gets confusing it gets lost in the shuffle request a prank okay let me warm up

Up here, the first call of the night isn't always gold, because I'm just warming up.

But it opens a door for our usual silliness.

Here we go.

IKEA restaurant in the Singapore.

We're going to do that, motherfucker.

Then we'll call Milkman's.

See if Milkman's is ready.

Milkman's ready.

It's called about Milkman here.

It's called IKEA about Milkman.

I gave a call to IKEA.

I'll shop your hours for IKEA pantanese and IKEA pantanese from 10 a.m. to 11 p.m. daily.

Thank you. To help you with your inquiry, please choose one of the following options.

For home delivery and assembly inquiries, please press 1.

For store trading hours and public transport information, please press 2.

To speak to our operator for all other general inquiries, please press 3.

Please hold what you call as being transferred.

Good morning, this is Ezekiel.

Oh, hey, honey. How are you?

Fine, sir.

Oh, that's good. I was trying to get a hold of the restaurants where they got the meatballs, you know, they got these meatballs there.

Yeah. And, you know, I call in and the menu doesn't have an option to talk to the restaurant.

So why is that, first of all?

Can I know for which branch of the restaurant you're referring to, sir, because you got two?

Tampines or the Alexandra Ikea?

Well, you know, the Ikea, did you say?

Oh, yeah. Are you referring to that?

Yeah, I mean, it's ridiculous that I can't get through with an option on the phone.

What's going on here?

I see.

Can you hold on, sister?

A little bit of Bill Bollocks there for you.

Who is this?

Hello?

Who is this?

Huh?

Who is this?

Hello?

Hello, yes?

How are you?

Is this the restaurant?

Ah, yes, restaurant.

Oh, you have the meatballs, right?

I sent Milkman for some meatballs, Swedish meatballs with the gravy and the mashed potatoes.

Yes, why?

And he hasn't shown up yet.

Where is he?

Did he go there?

Did you see Milkman?

Do you want to speak to somebody, Brian or what?

Yeah, Brian.

Okay, hold on, please.

All right.

How does she know Milkman's real name?

Holy shit.

That's awesome.

Hello?

Hello.

Is it Brian?

Yeah, Brian here.

How may I help you?

Brian, you're supposed to go, and, you know, we're starting the show late because of you,

and then you're supposed to bring the meatballs.

You know, Swedish meatballs, you're supposed to bring, like, 20 of them here.

We're going to eat them on the air.

What's going on?

Meatballs, uh, because I'm, sorry, in a meeting room or what, sorry?

Yeah, meatballs, mashed potatoes, you were going to bring, and that little faggot jelly, you know?

You know the jelly? Red jelly?

Yeah, the lingonberry, yeah.

Yeah, lingonberry, faggotberry.

That, we were supposed to bring all that.

We were going to cut it all up and mix it all up in a bowl, you know, or a coffee mug.

You take the mashed potatoes and you cut up the fucking meatballs with a spoon.

You slice them all up, go rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.

And then you put them in the microwave.

You make like a big slop in a coffee cup and then you eat it.

It's good, man.

That puts some hot sauce in it.

After it's warmer.

Listen, where are you?

We were supposed to have meatball soup.

Meatball soup?

Yeah, we were going to make meatball soup.

Come on.

No, no, I don't get it.

Where are you going from?

Me and you are going to make a meatball soup.

I just gave you the recipe.

Come on.

Meatball soup.

Yeah, meatball soup.

Because I haven't received anything yet.

Oh, what about then you go take a pot.

You have a pot over there.

You can put your naked ass on it and take a shit in it, you know, like move your bowels.

Yeah, may I know who is on the line, please?

Oh, my name is Mr. Cross.

I'm looking for Milkman.

Your name is Brian, right?

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, and then you're going to come and take a shit, and you're going to pull down your pants and underwears

and put your ass cheeks in one of those big, tall pots

and push out everything that's in your colon and your anus and your lower intestines.

You're just going to clear out, you know, your intestines, move your feces out.

I have to respect, sir.

I'm selling food.

I'm not selling any shit here.

Well, that's the whole thing.

If you sit on the pot like that, maybe I'll give you, like, a suppository.

We'll stick it up there, and it softens it all up and clears you up really nice.

You know, and you put that in the pot.

You know, then you, I don't know, you think maybe you can cook that.

What would you add to that?

Maybe, like, some, like, a chicken base.

Do you have chicken stock there, or what do you have?

So, what do you want?

I'm sorry, what?

We'll call it.

I'm a funeral.

We'll call it.

Really, I'm a funeral.

What?

Are you angry?

What happened?

No, no, no.

I'm just asking, what do you need?

Are you being nasty?

We're going to call it alphabet soup.

Alphabet soup.

Yeah.

You take it.

Ah, sure, sure.

And then we have some.

So, when do you have time for coming down?

Oh, well, I was hoping you would come down, you know?

But what was good for you?

Maybe.

No, but I'm going to try that myself.

I can't leave it for now.

Maybe in 30 minutes I come down there and I look at you, take a look at your arms.

Maybe you take your shirt off for me.

I take some pictures real quick, you know, size you up a little bit,

see how you're going to look, and then I'll have you make some alphabet soup.

Yeah, sure, sure.

Yeah.

You just come down and look for me.

All right, that sounds good, you know.

You take your shirt off, you know.

Yeah, yeah, no problem.

You show me.

Oh, is your chest, is it hairy or smooth?

smooth now you see it just come down you have a hairy are you hairy or smooth yeah okay i'm busy

for now okay are you cut or uncut are you cut or uncut all right are you cut or uncut are you top

or bottom no no no sorry you may call it wrong oh man i'm sorry i'm in a busy you know this is a

mistake the whole thing i didn't i didn't sorry i'm sorry okay yeah all right i didn't mean to

confuse you all right well thank you for you're a very nice man jill says no problem no problem

bye honey see you bye that was a very nice man i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about there

man like i said i'm just warming up meatball soup sounds good man make a soup with that like those

ikea meatballs literally i just said you take the three things is i think it's three things where

you get the mashed potatoes the lincoln berry jam and the potatoes oh yeah and the gravy if you want

it but they ask you you want gravy it's usually a black guy at the ikea in my old hometown you

you want gravy on that? You usually a black guy with a, with a do-rag on working at Ikea

spends eight hours a day. Plus with a fricking ladle in his hands is ladling that shit.

Yeah, man, those jobs like at Disney and stuff. I used to live in Orlando. If you didn't know

those jobs at Disney or some of them, like if you're at the bottom of the totem pole,

they're maddening. And so I lived in the Orlando area every summer. Um, when you're a sophomore

more or higher in high school they would around this time of the year around april you know about

about a month before school ended they started saying oh if you want to work in the summer you

know you come you come to school and you get in you know we're all you know we pile you in a school

bus and we drive you to sea world or universal studios you know and and you can work for the

summer we'll give you a ride and come back and all that shit and i was one year was like hell

hell yeah, man, this sounds awesome.

We did that, and they basically made us work for less than minimum wage.

Legally, they got away with it.

That was because it was a program.

It wasn't a job.

Less than minimum wage for child labor,

and the three jobs were picking up random trash,

just walking around with a broom and a little bucket on a stick

and picking up random trash.

That was the first one.

uh the second one was uh given out like you worked at a restaurant but you would do just one thing so

literally all you would do was put a piece of chicken on a plate that's all you did chicken

on a plate chicken on a plate like you would receive the tray or the plate at that stage of

the freaking line and that's all you did and the third one which is what i did which was cool was

you sold ice cream bars in the shamu stadium that was the third job and i got that luckily um because

Because that was kind of cool, but you had to go up and down the stairs all day in 90 degree

Florida, July, August heat, sweating your ass off in a polo shirt and shorts, though,

which is kind of cool.

But you just had to sell a minimum of five ice cream bars.

And after that, you got a little bonus.

You made a little money off of them.

It was actually pretty.

It was a good hustle.

I did that for a few weeks, and I would save up to buy a Nintendo 64, and that would stop.

I would only do it for a month.

if i wouldn't do it for the full two and a half three months um i would do it up until my birthday

which is in june usually anyway that was that was fun stuff i don't even know why i'm bringing that

up well we got to go to the atlanta olympics also for the same deal same kind of work at the atlanta

olympics took a chart of us up there anyway every year they had this program it was kind of

bullshit is basically make you you know you know for the summer child labor below beneath uh that

That costs less than minimum wage for the big parks in Orlando.

But it was fun.

I mean, if you didn't have anything to do that summer, if you were stuck, you know, stuck at home, it was cool.

I was an only child.

I didn't have many brothers and sisters, so I didn't have a car at the point at that time.

That's why I did it.

And I'm like, KDK tonight, let's call Milkman and move on with the show and the prank calls.

That's what's going on.

Milkman was here, he would say something stupid and pointless, and I would move on.

I want to fuck this peach fuzz girl.

It sounds like a New York 5 or New York 6.

I'd hit that.

Milkman.

Hello.

Hey, man.

What's up, man?

Hey, you got some pretty girls there in California, right?

A lot of good real estate to look at, if you know what I mean.

What happened?

There's a lot of good real estate to look at down there where you live.

A lot of nice-looking girls, nice asses on them and stuff.

Pretty faces.

Well, yeah.

Tons of good-looking women and tons of real estate deals.

Yeah, man.

Real estate's a new game.

I hear you, man.

Hey, what's going on?

Do you want to just stay on the phone?

I did one prank call, and I called you.

Did you want to stay on the phone, or did you want to try to...

Yeah, I want to have to do this for now, man, because, like, I don't know.

It's just complex, long, big problem.

Let's just talk on the phone.

I'm going to pick up my customer for a few minutes, and I'll let you know.

I'll mute out, but then I should hold on the phone, because right now I can get on the Internet, maybe in the chat, but I'm having trouble with my Skype.

Okay, no worries, man.

It's all right.

All right, well, good.

Well, say hi to everybody.

You're on the air, of course.

Of course. You know, Milkman's here, everybody.

All right, guys, I'm here for you.

We'll see you pretty quick.

I hear you're below the stones, and I know I've missed some fun already,

so I'd like to, once again, for saving lives out there,

because every time you do a show and we do a show,

more laughs are spread around and less incentives for murder.

Yeah, you missed IKEA meatball soup, man, and I think that's a great idea.

making a soup out of the ikea meatballs what do you think they're a big guy i think i think um i

think that's a tesco's special recipe you know and i think nunu is uh one of the inventors of

that original recipe so i mean if you look in the discount uh coupons area local tesco you should be

able to find one of his recipe flyers for the meatballs too all right here's the guy here's

the guy who's lost a gold wedding band while he was surfing your call has been forwarded to an

an automatic voice message system.

Oh, well, sorry.

They didn't answer there.

Had a good idea for a lost gold winning band.

But it will have to wait.

I think you'll go out to contact Ring Finders.

You know, I heard Sloth is one of the better and upcoming employees there.

He's really been catching on to the training pretty good, man.

How's he coming along?

For sure, man.

He's going to be the next CEO?

Yeah, he knows what to do.

He knows you put a latex glove on first, you know?

Or if you have to ask, you ask the person if they're allergic to latex,

and you use the other kind of glove,

and then you put generous amounts of lubricant, water-based lubricant,

on your fingers all around and in between,

and then you start with one finger, and, yeah, he knows all about the rectal,

the prostate program.

Oh, he's got the function down there.

yes yes here's singapore again we're calling singapore singaporean

i heard singapore girls have nice tits i heard hey how are you sweetie hello hey how are you baby

oh is this 7-eleven machine yeah oh yeah listen um my friend was on an aircraft carrier

and they came into port there in singapore and he told me the women there have the most

beautiful large breasts he said my friend my friend he was stationed in the navy huh uh-huh

lopez uh then he said the women here have nice natural breasts he said he was on the uss nimitz

really yeah he said all the women have nice natural yeah what's your uh bra size are you a c

c c cup mine yeah c you're a c cup oh that's nice it's very nice very good yeah okay and

And are your nipples, do you have dark nipples, or how are they?

Dark.

Dark, okay.

All right, okay, all right.

And are they nice and round?

Yeah.

Oh, that's nice.

Okay, good, very good.

How tall are you?

How old I am.

Yeah, how old are you?

Yeah, we'll start with that.

Twenty-six.

Twenty-six, and you're short, you're a short girl?

I'm 1.52.

Oh, that's in meters.

I don't know what that is, honey.

1.52 meters?

Yeah.

Oh, I'd have to go to Google and find out how big that is.

But thank you, that sounds good.

All right, good.

So do you think I could come by and see those nice natural breasts, do you think?

For what?

For money.

I give you money and you let me see your nice, you're four, you're five foot, that's it?

Uh-huh.

You're four, you're less than five foot tall, you're 4.9 feet?

Uh-huh.

You're like four foot eleven.

Uh-huh.

Oh, wow, you are a short little thing with C-cups on you.

You're a nice, pretty little girl, aren't you?

Yeah.

Are you married?

No, I'm not.

You have a boyfriend in Singapore?

Boyfriend? No, friend.

Oh, you want boyfriend America?

Oh, no.

I bring you here, you know.

I bring you to America and we sit down.

We get married and you become a citizen.

You want that?

No, I think about it.

So are you down?

Are you down to get down with me?

I'll give you some money.

What do you think?

You show me those nice breasts.

I'll come in.

You have a back room there?

I go to the back room?

Oh, no.

No?

Oh, come on.

Come on, baby.

All right.

Well, that was the whole point.

I just wanted to, you know.

Yeah, so the guy is just a friend?

Uh-huh.

What's his name?

Yeah.

Shafiq.

Okay, all right.

You like him?

Is he handsome?

Did you have sex with him yet, or are you just talking?

Yeah, we had, but not on a regular basis.

Oh, is he good?

Is he any good?

He's okay?

Who's good?

He's good or I'm good?

No, him.

Him.

Is he good?

Oh, he's having fun.

Yeah.

Oh, you're good, too?

Are you good?

You throw it?

You like to throw it?

Yeah.

That sounds good.

Very nice, honey.

All right.

All right, well, you're pretty cool, you know?

I'm going to save your number.

Maybe I call you again.

Mm-hmm.

All right.

Oh, you want to call on my phone?

Yeah.

Yeah, what number?

Eight.

Hold on.

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

8249.

8249?

3-4-9-4.

All right.

Okay, thank you.

And what was your name?

What's your name?

You can call me Nanny.

Nanny.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, you have a good night.

It was nice talking to you.

Uh-huh.

Bye, honey.

Sweetie.

Wow, man.

That's how you do it, Milkman.

See, I'm going to hook you up, Milkman.

That's the way you work it.

Now you got to call back and find out what about her girlfriend, too.

She won't get a part.

Oh, yeah, man.

Yeah, Milkman, that one's for you.

that's trying to show you

we'll get you in the middle there

between both of them right

and then you'll be the baloney and the sandwich

I'll work the camera and the mic for you man

and you'll have your own special show

private viewing only though

once you're where Monty don't go

52 inches of loss

54 now

alright let's

see what turkish horse is up to hey hey i'm real close to him too dude i'm not ready to

get this customer he's about like a mile from here all right turkish please report we'll get

you to go over there i'll tell you i'm outside i'm gonna text if i'm muted very soon because

i'm with customers i'll hang up you're calling turkish kitchen for a takeout order please leave

They don't answer, Milkman.

They don't answer.

They know we're on Sundays now.

It sucks.

Hey, let's play this part.

Yeah.

We need to get a spoof card, dude.

Yeah, we got to get a spoof card.

Milkman.

Yeah.

You got what I need.

Okay.

You say I'm just a friend.

Why?

Why you say I'm only a friend?

I'm just your hermano?

I'm just a friend, baby.

I'm just your hermano.

I can't be your novio.

I want to be your novio.

No?

Yeah.

Aye, aye, aye.

All right, let's continue.

You're my novelito, né?

Right?

Novelito?

I don't know what novelito is, dude.

Novelita is the new girl, right?

The new girlfriend.

So you're novelito.

Oh, okay.

Be cheeto.

Love you, cheeto.

My cat loves cheetos.

Here's another 7-Eleven.

Cool.

Time to be dirty.

Dirty, filthy, nasty.

Hey, big girl.

girl. How are you, sweetie? Hello. Hey, how are you? Yeah, who is this? Oh, this is Cross. What

you doing? This is 7-Eleven outside. May I know who is this? Yeah, my name is Cross. I saw you.

I went in there and I got some things and I saw you. I like, you know, I like you. She doesn't

want to play like the other one did. The other one went rather quickly. My goodness, she got

really excited, didn't she? The other girl was all about, she was about it, man. I could hear

Here's a weakness in her knees, man.

She's probably laying back right now.

Shit.

Oh, damn it.

All right.

No answer there.

I'm trying to call back, and it's not answering.

What's that thing, honey?

All right, milkman.

You're really freaking me out.

Here's the supermarket in Sanford.

All right, man.

Eat at the Y, man.

That's right, man.

That's why I've been here tonight, ready for you.

Down at the Y.

All right.

Kiss my pussy.

You're not leading up to it, Marley.

Hey, honey.

How are you?

Is this Singapore grocery?

Oh, this is Isetan's course.

How can I help you?

Oh, do you have all kinds of food, American food, or what do you have?

Japanese food.

Is it a grocery store or a restaurant?

Oh, grocery.

We have a supermarket downstairs.

This is a shopping center.

Oh, you have mustard?

Sorry?

Do you have mustard sauce?

Mustard sauce.

What kind of mustard sauce do you like to have?

I can connect you to the department.

Is yellow yellow sauce?

You know, you put it on a hot dog, I want her to put it on my penis.

I'm going to put it on my penis, okay.

That's how she sounds.

is stupid making her go all the fucking way to look for mustard for an hour for her to come

back then do the prank i hate it when i can't do the coin sound another coin sound what are you

talking about are you crazy where's your customer the mario brothers coin town listen man it's a

mario song see don't you feel like eating ice cream right now running down the street chasing

a white truck mario doesn't fucking eat ice cream you went from mario to ice cream truck

Pendejo.

I don't want to back up!

Milkman, what'd you do?

Did you smoke drugs yesterday?

No.

Hello.

Hey, how are you?

Hi, good morning.

Can I help?

Yeah, I'm going to smoke some drugs.

So I'm looking for some food.

Okay.

Because afterwards I get hungry after I smoke drugs.

What kind of food are you looking for?

I'm looking for, I have a list here.

I need yellow mustard sauce.

Yellow mustard sauce, huh?

Uh-huh.

And you have illegal chewing gum.

Oh, chewing gum we do not have.

Why not?

They're banned in Singapore.

We can't sell them.

Okay, I'll tell you what.

I know you have a secret.

There's secret chewing gum, right?

Hey.

Can I get the secret chewing gum?

We do not have.

Secret chewing gum.

You're, you know, secret chewing gum.

I give you, I give you.

You want, you want chewing gum?

It's from America.

I bring it from the United States.

The best chewing gum in the world.

Okay.

You want some Wrigley's?

No, we do not need that.

You tell me what you, what do you like?

Why is it because people spit chewing gum everywhere?

We are not selling chewing gum here.

Okay, well, let's get over the chewing gum thing, all right?

So you're looking for the yellow mustard, huh?

Yellow mustard to put on my penis, yes.

Okay, okay.

So after I will find whether we still have stock or not, I can call you back later.

I don't have a phone number.

I'm American, so I'm just calling from the hotel.

Okay.

So we do have yellow mustard store selling here.

Okay.

Okay, and then I want you to pull down your pants and your underwears.

Okay.

Okay?

Can you do that for me?

All right.

Okay?

All right.

And then I'm going to put the yellow mustard sauce on your genitals.

All right.

And then I'm going to bring a dog in to lick them all off.

I'm going to take pictures.

The dog eats the dog sauce mustard.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Bye-bye.

I have a black lab.

He's got a big tongue.

Okay.

Yeah.

Are you interested?

I give you money for pictures.

There you go.

I think he was...

He sounds friendly.

Bye-bye, hey.

Hey, girlfriend.

Bye-bye.

AMD with the big head.

Hey, man, you got a big head, sir.

Are you here?

Hello.

Hey, AMD.

How are you?

I'm pretty good.

Two seconds.

Let's cancel that one.

Good so, man.

Hey, man.

I'm glad you found us over here on the side.

Excelente.

I was listening to it at another one.

I thought it was in the middle of the call.

I was going to call it a minute ago.

Oh, man.

I'm sorry, man.

Well, here you are now.

You can hang out if you want.

If not, you can hang up, too.

Hey, I'm staying for the duration.

Staying for the duration.

White power.

All right, man.

Goddamn.

I also want to say a big happy birthday to Big Ken, who's celebrating birthday today's

turn.

turning a big

30 years old

Ken if you want to be on you can be on

early because it's your birthday you can join

AMD I think that's fair so you

want to jump the gun be on an hour early

apparently Singapore passed a law

making it illegal to have chewing gum that's

hence the question about chewing gum

there that turned into bestiality

porn somebody before the show shared with me a link uh uh it's a youtube video i guess these

guys or this guy he put a casting call out for amateur porno actresses girls that wanted to get

into porno or something like that so he's got him sitting down like the majority of these points

start off where they're they've got them sitting down in uh on a couch and the guy behind the

The camera is just asking him, interviewing, asking him, like, what's your name, what do you do, what's your major, shit like that.

Why are you being so mean?

And he's mean instead.

I like to get in these bitches' heads, know why they do what they do.

Why do you do what you do?

Because I love doing it.

No, you don't.

Whores don't love their jobs.

Then why do you do it?

So basically, he's just trolling these wannabe porn stars that come in and sit in on his casting couch.

And he just sits there and gives them shit.

Let's hear a few of them.

Because you're stupid?

What brings you here today?

To have fun.

You know, every fucking whore says that.

I hate that answer.

This shit is not fun.

So, what type of guys like you?

Like, white, black, blind?

Esmeralda, that's an ugly name for an ugly girl.

Congratulations.

You are the fucking ugliest girl we are going to shoot all year.

And it's January 3rd.

Day two into Black History Month.

you fucking show up to a porn set dressed as a maid you're uh you're not really up to par

that's a polite way of saying you're beat here's what's up you're beat you know that right yeah

okay and uh like why are you here then i want to be a veterinarian that's actually pretty noble

I like animals myself.

Okay, not bad.

My name is John.

John? John what?

John Johnson.

A little old to be doing porn, huh?

Still gotta try.

No, you don't. Why are you doing it?

Gotta make money somehow.

How about getting a job? Maybe a profession?

Why this? Because you're stupid?

You stage dive and do all that wild shit?

Yeah, I do, actually.

And people catch you? You're kind of heavy.

probably takes like half the fucking crowd to catch it doesn't it you're so mean whatever

okay i won't subject it anymore that that last one was pretty funny the reactions are even better

some of them are just like the one girl he says so you know you're beat right she's like yeah

she's actually kind of pretty that one but yeah they're just really mean to them i love that i

would like to get behind see i'm sure there's some pretty funny behind the scenes fucking shit to

that anyway whole costume for random people then yeah there you go uh here we are we're gonna do a

prank call now 360 marketplace singapore we keep calling singapore tonight that's okay we can call

singapore lonesome ascending in singapore i saw you motherfucker oh ken happy birthday stupid

can you hear me yeah you sound good you're fine okay ken you drunk have you been drinking sir

No, I'm about to get into some right now, though.

All right, drink.

Drink that.

Drink those alcohols.

I'll be drinking.

Hello, good morning.

Oh, hey, I'm having four locos.

Sorry, I can't hear you.

Do you have four loco beverage there?

No, wrong number.

This is Singapore.

Marketplace?

Yes, this is Singapore.

Is this a store or what is it?

Damn it.

This is a company.

Okay.

Oh, you don't have any beverages there?

That's a company.

Eat, suck my dick, eat my dick, you know?

Put the yellow mustard on.

on my dick motherfucker and chew it no chewing gum in singapore chew on my dick here we go here's a

here's a supermarket i guess they're just called marketplace to be fucking cool because it's so

so fucking very fucking super if you don't have chewing gum so fucking hip so generation y

so post 9-11 hello side korea oh yeah it's just a supermarket yeah i'm looking for beverages do

you have a beverage manager there don't have you don't have drinks yeah i don't have you don't

have drinks are you stupid yeah what do you have then asshole uh noodle biscuit uh-huh biscuit yeah

yeah drink i need this one well what's the drink i said damn it i'm saying drink stupid

jesus christ i'll just call someone else while you're on the line okay honey

all right that's nice honey hang on

Anyway, here's a Singaporean meeting.

Yeah, listen, I'm trying to talk English here, all right?

What's going on?

Hello, hello.

Can I speak Chinese now?

You speak English, stupid?

A little bit, yeah.

Oh, listen.

You want to order the what?

One biscuit?

Huh?

One biscuit?

One biscuit, yeah.

Which one biscuit?

Uh-huh, egg biscuit.

Huh?

Biscuit.

Biscuit, go.

Yeah.

This one here to the side Korea, no?

South Korea.

The Korea item, yeah.

Korea biscuit, stupid.

Ah, Korea biscuit.

You can come here to see not?

Yeah, beef and broccoli.

You go where?

Beef and broccoli.

Huh?

Beef and broccoli.

Hello, hello.

Hey there, good morning.

Yes, hi.

I'm trying to talk to this woman on the other line, and she's so stupid.

She doesn't know what I'm saying.

Can you translate for me?

Okay, may I help you?

Yeah, can you tell this woman I want biscuit?

Tell her in Singapore, in your language, biscuit.

Biscuit?

Yeah.

May I know what is the brand of the biscuit?

Hey, lady, what's the brand of the biscuit?

She's stupid.

Here's what I'm looking for.

Forget the biscuit, honey, honey, sweetie, okay?

I'm looking for some drinks, a beverage.

Do you have beverages there?

Oh, you want the beverage, not the biscuit?

Yeah, a beverage.

Beverage.

Okay, may I have the name of the beverage, please?

It's Four Loko.

Four Loko.

Yeah, and it makes you crazy.

and you drink it, and you start, like,

it's like you're on bath salts.

Hello.

Yeah, what is she saying?

Hello.

Yeah, what happened?

Yeah, I think there's a cross line.

Because I think it's a cross line.

I think it's from the different California.

But the line was, I think, it was crossed.

Well, I crossed it.

I crossed it because I told her I want a biscuit, and she didn't understand.

Yeah, because that girl does not belong to our company.

Oh, yeah, she's from somewhere else?

Yeah, the line was crossed.

Oh, okay.

That means the line was a bit, I think, there's some problem.

She sounded pretty, right?

You think she's pretty?

Not from us, not our company.

Do you think she's a pretty girl?

Girl, she sounded like a pretty girl, right?

Sorry.

Hey, I'm asking.

I'm asking.

Are you a pretty girl?

Are you pretty?

I don't know.

I'm so sorry.

Okay, may I have the spelling of the item so I can check with the buyer?

Number four.

Four.

F-O-U-R.

Uh-huh.

L-O-C-O.

Uh-huh.

Four local.

Yeah.

It's a kind of beverages.

Yeah.

Any alcoholic?

Alcoholic?

No, it's, I think it's alcohol.

Yeah, there's some alcohol in there.

Yeah, marijuana in it.

Okay.

Okay, and sir, I don't mind, can I have your name and contact number?

I shall get back to you, sir.

You think I can wait while you look, or I don't have a number?

Because I need to look for a buyer.

Or you don't mind, just hold on for one minute.

Oh, I hold, I hold.

Go, go, go, go.

Yeah, just hold on.

Okay, I'll make another call.

Okay.

Oh, you'd like to call me back again?

Hi, 7-Eleven?

Yes.

Oh, I have the supermarket on the other line, and they're looking for Four Loko for me.

Loko?

Yeah.

I'll give you my name and number.

Yeah.

She's looking for Four Loko for me.

Listen, how are you?

Hi.

7-Eleven.

Hello.

Hee-haw-haw.

Oh, whatever.

She's looking for Four Loko in the background.

I'm making another call.

Oh, sorry.

I'm cutting.

Hey, Misha Ho.

Hey, Pape People.

Sorry?

Pape People.

Yeah.

Papa Pippo.

Pippo?

Yep.

Uh-huh.

Hello.

I'm too sorry, sir.

Right now, I couldn't get our buyer.

Can you, don't mind, call us again?

Hello?

Yes.

Hello?

Yes, may I help you?

Huh?

May I help you?

Because I'm talking to a gentleman just now.

Hello?

Hey.

Hello, yes, sir.

Can I help you?

Okay.

Can I help you?

I couldn't get the buyer right now.

Now, don't mind if you'd like to call back in about 20 minutes.

Who were you calling for?

Our buyer, Miss Stella.

No, I had you on hold.

I'm sorry.

You're calling our company.

Yeah.

Were you?

Yeah, because I tried to reach her but couldn't get her at all.

So I shall need to get her later on.

Oh.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Whatever.

Fine.

I'll call you back, honey.

All right?

Yes, in about 20 minutes.

Okay, then tell that baby to be quiet.

Yes, I'm sorry.

Okay.

I will get it checked for you.

Okay, then I'm going to come down.

I'm going to pull your hair really hard.

Pull it down.

Yank your hair down.

Sorry.

Yeah.

All right, thank you, sir.

All right, see you.

I'm going to yank your hair down, all right?

Okay.

Slap you in the belly.

All right.

Okay, you'd like to call back in about 20 minutes?

Yeah, 20 minutes.

I'll call you back.

All right, honey baby.

Okay, thank you very much.

All right, fine, go.

She doesn't want to talk.

Hey, Connie, yo.

Yank her hair down.

yes go ahead uh amd what's up right do you want to play um indian and chinese games basically what

you want to do right is ring up a chinese order an order um whatever you want and then say hold

on a second i'll just get my friend to confirm that and then have you got three we're calling

yeah yeah yeah and then phone up another chinese while he's waiting get him to read the order to

to the new Chinese place or Indian, whatever,

and then listen to them argue.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've tried doing that before over the years,

and I never get it to work right.

I think maybe once or twice,

and then just now a kind of version of that worked twice in a row.

This is pretty funny.

Yeah, I could do it.

If you can get me two Chinese or Indian places,

I will order the one,

one and if you can redirect the call to the next one after i say my mate's gonna run just confirm

the order i'll do it for you okay and then you okay sounds good all right we'll do that as soon

as i get the numbers the call is out there we're working on the numbers now we'll do it amd make

sure you remind me put that on the big board all right buddy okay okay yeah put that on the big

Now, here's Reverend P.E. Jones, who we're going to talk to and hopefully have him pray so that it works out when we do this kind of wind-up.

All right, AMD?

Mm-hmm.

Hello?

No.

Reverend Jones?

Yes?

Yes, and we need you to help us out with a prayer. It's an emergency.

Sorry?

We have an emergency. We wanted to see if you could help us out with a prayer or an invocation or a blessing over the phone.

It's 10 past 4 in the morning.

I know, but this is very important that you help me and my friend out.

Who are you?

My name is Cross, and we need like a religious, kind of just a blessing,

if you could say, you know, dear Lord, Father, help us.

Where are you calling from?

Oh, we're at the airport. We're getting ready to get on the plane.

Well, may God grant you a blessed and safe journey

and stop you ringing me up at 10 past 4 in the morning.

Yeah, but that's not what we need help with.

Listen, all right, Eric over there, he just bought a scratch-off lottery ticket,

and we're hoping that he wins at least enough money to cover it.

So could you help pray?

Hello?

You need to call him back and tell him it's no longer 10 past 4.

Tell him it's 12 past.

That's hilarious.

He did give an invocation for our trip.

It's me lifting off the hook.

Fuck.

Damn it.

That guy was pretty funny.

I was like, what the fuck are you calling me at 4 in the morning?

oh shit you can answer it man i suck your dick i saw that i saw that scene today i suck your dick

man i saw both of them the original version on uh was it boys and there wasn't boys in the hood it

was menace of society right yeah yeah and then i saw the comedy version on don't be a menace

menace of society is a good movie man don't be a menace is all the cheeseburgers man i don't want

want no cheeseburgers get out of here yeah all right we got one chinese restaurant already here

amd we're waiting on one more buddy okay okay all right let's call dr jones now dr jones no

time for love dr jones since the reverend just kind of halfway helped us who was dr jones for

maybe uh a sign you know a more scientific point of view as opposed to a religious point of view

a secular, scientific explanation point of view

as opposed to a religious, creationist kind of thing.

Hello, this is Ray Jones' answer machine.

I can't speak to you at the moment.

If you leave here...

I'm trying to...

Ray Jones!

Well, no help there.

All right.

AMD, I have the information here

for two Chinese restaurant machines

that have just been confirmed.

If you are prepared in order to make your little thing go down,

We can go ahead and engage those now on the call of matrix.

So you're ready.

Yeah.

But listen, what you need to do is let me make the order and then what I'll say, I'll

say I'll read it back because my friend wants to listen and confirm the order.

And then while I'm doing that, connect to the other one and get them to connect to each

other.

Okay.

10-4.

You got it.

So the first thing I'm going to do is call China City.

These are in Guam, by the way, in Guam.

Oh, Guam, man.

Yeah.

Damn it, Milkman's horny again.

Yeah, the good thing is Guam has an average IQ of 75, so this helps out greatly.

Well, that's all fine.

Ask her what size Guams she has.

You have to make sure to inquire.

Unless you have big Guams.

All right, here's the first one, AMD.

You got big Guams or little Guams or big round ones or brown ones.

Shut up.

When I say just, then connect to the other one.

Just.

yes hello there can i make an order to take away please hello hello there can i make an order to

take away please uh take away hello hello uh let me call it there for one they seem extra stupid

there here's mongolia china gourmet they're just they don't speak much much english they're uh not

enough to be functional apparently how how do people get along like that in america in guam

for God's sake. It's America.

No idea. It's like Puerto Rico.

They speak Puerto Rican everywhere.

All over. Spanish, Spanish, Spanish.

It's like, hey man, this is America.

Speak the language.

Hello, Manonia. Hello there. Can I order

a pate cuore, please? Okay.

Okay, can I order

the chicken and fulapin sauce?

Chicken, fulapin sauce, okay.

Yep, can I get some

pita rice? Yeah, capers and rice.

Yeah, pita rice.

Three. One extra rice.

Yep.

Okay.

Chicken balls.

What's that?

Barbecue sauce.

Barbecue pork sauce?

Yep.

Barbecue pork?

Barbecue sauce, yes.

Barbecue sauce, okay.

Okay, some spare ribs.

Wait, wait.

Yeah, fried rice.

What do you order?

Can you repeat your order?

Mine's chicken, laughing sauce.

Yes.

And what else?

Some rice, rice.

Yeah, rice, rice.

Yeah, come with steamed rice.

Yeah, rice.

Chips.

What's that?

Fries, fries.

How long you want to pick up?

Straight away, but I want some chicken and batter.

Chicken and batter, aye.

Okay, ring the other person, Carlito.

Okay, and I want some...

Oh, wait, I'm supposed to... I'm sorry.

What?

Spare ribs.

What's that?

Oh, sorry, I was just checking with my friend.

Some spare ribs.

Do you do banana fritters?

Some peppered spare ribs?

Yep, yep, yep.

Okay.

For the next one.

And what specials do you do?

What specials do they?

Yes.

What kind of meat do you want?

Ring, ring, ring, carlito.

What specials have you got?

You want chicken or beef or shrimp or pork?

Oh, yeah, that sounds fine.

Huh?

Okay, listen, I'm going to get my friend to repeat, just to check.

Can you repeat the order to my friend?

Hola.

Si, ah.

Hello.

Hello? Yeah, can you repeat the order to my friend, please?

The what? Hello?

Hello? Can you repeat the order to my friend?

Hello?

Hello there. Can you just repeat the order to my friend?

I'm sorry, sir?

Can you repeat my order to my friend?

This is Hotel Nico.

Yes. Carry on.

We want to place an order.

I'm going to put my friend on the line.

He's going to place a new short order, okay?

okay amd go ahead place an order please amd okay uh can i get the um sweet and sour chicken

um sir i'm sorry this is hotel miko where oh is there a restaurant or you have a restaurant

what's going on here you have a restaurant for huh yeah we have restaurants here oh shut up

that's not a restaurant it's a hotel sorry all right yeah it wasn't working so i tried to

recycle it there okay make it a shorter order so it doesn't take a long time and i wasn't

I was doing something on the side, and halfway through it, I thought you had given the order.

Oh, right.

No, no, no.

Anyway.

It's okay.

All right.

So, shorter order.

Here's the House of Chinfei, and I got the other one ready.

Let's do it.

Okay.

We got this.

Motherfucker.

Come on.

Yeah.

We have a telephone here?

We have a telephone.

House of Chinfei, I have you.

Hello there.

Can I order a takeaway, please?

I'm sorry?

Can I order a takeaway?

Hello?

Oh, Jesus.

House of Chinfei, may I help you?

Yeah.

Yeah, can I order a fish egg rice?

I'm sorry, what was that?

He wants to order a takeaway.

Can you order a takeaway?

Okay.

Can I have a name and a number?

My name is, okay, Eddie.

Mm-hmm.

671-649-8815.

Can you order?

Okay.

I'm going to put my friend on.

He's going to put the order.

AMD.

Hello.

Mm-hmm.

I'm going to order a chicken fried rice.

Okay.

A chicken in batter.

Chicken in broccoli?

Yep.

And fried rice again.

Okay.

Chicken fried rice?

Yep.

I just want to check my mate that he's happy with that.

So if you just bear with me two seconds, I'll put him on the phone.

Bear with me one second.

Two seconds.

Yeah, just a minute.

Just a minute.

He's just coming out of the other room.

Two seconds.

He's in the other room.

Can you repeat the order, please?

What?

That's two chicken fried rice and one chicken with broccoli.

Two chicken with broccoli and...

Hello?

That's two chicken fried rice and one chicken with broccoli.

So three orders of fried rice and one chicken with broccoli.

I cannot hear you, ma'am.

Two chicken fried rice and one chicken with broccoli.

Two.

Okay, that's it.

Hello?

So that's his mom?

Mm-hmm.

Hello?

Yes.

We'll speak with the rest of it.

Okay, within 10 minutes, ma'am.

Hello?

Hi, you must speak to Mr. Scott.

Okay.

That was kind of working out.

That was kind of funny.

I had a little laugh machine there, but it could have been.

Yeah, you had him talking to each other.

That was good, man.

Excellent, dude.

We can get that going.

That was good.

You know, AMD, let's try it with Indian food.

Do you want to try Indian food, buddy?

Yeah, let's go for it.

Maybe in America?

Yeah, I got some older numbers, you know, and maybe that'll work.

All right, here we go.

Let's go for it.

This is an Australier, as you guys say.

This is Pac-Man Indian, okay?

And then, you know, worst comes to worst, we say Banchute and go, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Yeah.

You know, all right, anyway.

Look at some Banchute.

These are Australian Indian restaurants.

You're going to do this again.

Remember, short order AMD, short order, okay?

Okay.

All right.

Hi there.

Can I have an order for takeaway, please?

Takeaway?

Yes.

Yeah?

Um, can I have a chicken curry, please?

Chicken curry?

Small, medium, large?

Uh, large, please.

Large?

Yeah.

And what else?

Uh, kemanam?

No, we don't have kemanam.

What nam to do?

We do plain garlic cheese.

Oh, that'd be fine.

Sorry?

That's fine.

I'll have that.

We can plain garlic or cheese.

Yep.

And can I have a pit of rice, please?

Uh...

Okay.

Uh, and the banana fritters?

That's it.

Hello?

Um, I just...

Hello, yeah, I've just got a check.

I'll make a check with this order.

Give me two seconds.

I'm just getting near the room.

Are you there?

Just in the room for a second.

Sons, let's have my help here.

Hi there.

I'm just going to repeat the order to you.

Could you repeat the order to my friend?

Can you repeat the order?

Hello, I cannot.

Okay, we want to make an order, please.

Hello.

Would you like to make an order?

Yes, sir.

Okay.

Do you have pop-a-dums?

Yeah, this already.

She make an order already.

The tortoise fried rice and the chicken with broccoli.

Okay, so yeah, one fried rice, chicken with broccoli.

Okay.

The tortoise fried rice and the chicken with broccoli, sir.

Yes, that's right.

That's right.

Do you have any papadums?

Okay.

Do you have papadums?

We don't have that, sir.

No?

Okay, all right.

And I'm putting my friend on the line so you can confirm the order.

Okay?

Okay? He just needs to know what he's going to be paying, and he's going to want to know how much it is.

Okay, honey? But I've got to get him on the phone.

Oh, that's $21.

Okay, $21, that's U.S. dollars, right?

Oh, yes.

Okay, all right.

Can you repeat the order, please?

Hello?

Yes?

Yes, sir.

Can you repeat the order, please?

Oh, you ordered two orders of fried rice and chicken with broccoli?

um is it a takeaway or are you guys coming here and taking it away

uh sorry ma'am it's too much noise there i couldn't hear you properly hello hello ma'am

hey yes is banshoot gulu there banshoot ulu fuck me i cannot really hear you hey good you have

You're stupid. That's why. You're stupid.

Something is wrong in your phone.

Go fuck yourself. Bye.

I think there's a Skype problem, guys.

It's sounding, like, bad.

It's bad. It's bad right now.

I'm going to redo Skype. Milkman.

Ken and AMD.

Dude, I think she was touching herself, and I'm hearing a lot of, like...

Yeah, you're touching yourself.

Yeah, okay.

I'll disconnect, and I'll reconnect in a minute.

Ah, shut up, everybody.

Shut up, everybody. Fuckers. I will fix it.

It's on my end. It's my problem.

them is my fault but they don't listen to me telling them let me restart skype milkman comes

in he chimes in i know there's a lot of packets stupid that's why i said there's a problem

and amd i won't restart amd you don't have to restart i said it's my problem not you i can

look at task manager and see that i shut down skype and it's still running at 159 000 uh k

Okay, memory usage.

Because it's got a fucking memory leak.

I don't know if it's the laptop that I use for Skype or every upgrade, every installation

to Skype I have, there's a memory leak problem.

After a while, on this machine, it starts just eating up memory like crazy and getting

real unstable.

I don't know why it happens, but it does.

I've tried uninstalling, reinstalling.

I've tried customizing it.

Always does.

Don't know what to do.

It's just Skype, man.

I should be completely dead now let me go in and open it back up that's all I do I open it back up

and it comes I log back in and it's just fine frustrating man I don't know if any of you guys

have because I hear a bunch of other prank call shows on our network here and they don't have

these problems with Skype that we do then I have to restart Skype sounds fine all night dirty Aaron

doesn't show and he's got uh MPSA corporate on the whole fucking night via Skype sounds great

fireside kids on Friday same thing sound great all night I don't understand why I always have

of problems with skype anyway let me connect milkman to get everyone everyone else on here

yeah video's down i'll bring it back up hey man what's up bro nothing just uh let me get uh amd

you sound good here monita yeah you sound clear and unnatural

fucking skype let me get amd and ken back on here

just a moment we're almost there can you hear now ken's still connecting so is amd i'm kind of

You're not, like, on the phone.

Maybe.

Of course.

All right, Ken.

How you doing, Ken?

Ah, better now that I'm back on screen.

There you go.

You drink?

What are you drinking?

Kenner's!

Happy, happy birthday, man.

How many penises does Kenner's have on his candles on, or penises on his cake tonight?

His wife went out and got that.

30 penises!

Ken's wife went out and got that special erotic cake.

I got it from Kenner's.

there there's an episode of that show kirby enthusiasm on hbo where um they hosted a dinner

party i think or something and there were children there and as a joke someone said they were going

to bring in a cake they're like oh yeah so-and-so's got the cake and they got the guy got an erotic

cake i don't know if it was as a joke he did it or if he thought it was a private party ended up

being like a big shindig but it was a big black penis he got it as a joke and uh like they

They unveiled the cake, and the kids were in front of it.

They're like, oh!

Friday, they called up a Bobbins, and I asked them how many flavors they had.

And they told me, like, 36 flavors.

I think I saw a reference.

I don't think we can do that, sir.

I did hear quite a bit of that show Friday.

I heard just about all of Brad last night, which was really good.

But the show Friday was really good.

And the one the week before that, which, hey, Milkman,

do you have the recording from uh uh fridays uh the the friday night fireside chat show do you

have that from two fridays ago because there's an ongoing rumor that you're the only person that

has a copy of that show and everyone's asking for it they're milkman he's with a customer i think

anyways i recorded most of it on friday dude and what i'm finding out is like however tux is

streaming and shit somehow it's like kind of like doing that hackety thing and then it restarts

and however it does it always erases and starts back over on like a single word like on the file

however the file was named when it restarts you just write over top of what was there and ours

doesn't do that ours always makes a copy and throws it in the complete folder and starts a

new one in the incomplete i'm not sure what but i do have it and i and i say big sections of it

this time because i copied it out after i heard the call okay well can you share that because

because everyone's really asking for a copy of that.

That was a really good show,

and I know even Brad brought it up on the air last night.

I tried to get with Ice Goose and those guys,

and, like, if they would, like, get on their Skype,

but I can't do it tonight

because I'm going to have a problem with Skype.

I was going to do a file transfer to them,

but I guess they were snooze and didn't notice that I...

Can you do me a favor?

Can you just put it in our shared Dropbox?

Can you do that, and I'll take care of it?

Yeah, yeah, share that, dude.

Just share it with me, man,

because, like, I'm going to do the shit I told you tonight, man.

So by tomorrow, I'll get in contact with you.

so we'll have to get in contact after the show

tomorrow or tonight or tomorrow.

When you get a chance, put it in our

Madhouse Dropbox and I'll get the link

out to Polka and I'll excuse it all.

Yeah, Polka's funny as fuck, dude. I like Polka.

He's funny. He just keeps that dead fan

voice until she starts laughing.

We've got a Delt Bar control.

Who's out of control? Polka's fucking

name. We've got a Delt Bar.

Yeah, man, I cracked up. Brad

was calling random people

from Open Facebook, Open Book, and

telling them

Well, he was saying, oh, so he would call someone who had posted their number on Facebook and he would look at their friend, like a recently liked or something friend, and would call and say, oh, yeah, have so-and-so call, you know, has you down as a reference for an application here at Walmart.

And he's calling like at 3, 4 in the morning and giving them shit.

It was pretty funny.

I thought it was funny.

AMD, did you drop out?

Oh, they did crack me up.

he was sitting there he's like well she must not be a very good fucking friend then if you

can't give her a reference at three in the morning it's all this yeah well then well then he's he's

always like you know oh well there's pictures here on facebook that we see it's you and her

smoking marijuana and this this old guy was like i want that taken down and struck him from the

record right now that's slander you know i don't want anything out there saying i'm doing any

marijuana whatever it was he was just like really upset about it i was i was at work

dude on friday fucking called me the n-bomb oh man yeah was that that was that guy really uh

area i caught the tail end of that and he was didn't he get into the show or something wasn't

he like oh this is pretty cool didn't he do pranks with you guys and stuff uh yeah there's

one guy that he ended up uh they end up turning yeah and uh getting the address to your show and

their show and everything so yeah well they said madhouse.com that madhouse live.com i was

listening to that i was like come on you guys you guys are on the fucking yeah i heard somebody else

say something in spanish too and i had to think i didn't give a shit we don't talk about other

shows even in spanish language too because some of us actually know what you're saying

yeah i don't yeah this is a bilingual show i speak fucking spanish and milkman speaks spanish i uh

i speak like other languages too but thing is we gotta one of our policies is not kind of is we

We don't talk about other shows and calls like so.

Like, if you've got an enemy show or somebody you don't like,

you don't throw their name out in the car because that's just bad advertisement,

and that just starts more problems.

Exactly.

Excuse me, man.

Moving right along.

Thank you.

April 21st, man.

Hell yeah, man.

I know Brad was drinking a lot of Four Locos last night,

which I think was code word for something else.

That was pretty funny.

Who said that milk was a Jose milk, man?

I bet you it was Jose, that bitch Jose.

jose i am not gonna say but i'm gonna say that you probably figured it out motherfucker son of a

bitch you know what it was it was it was seemed like it was just a cute mistake but just just

for the record and from now on or for anybody i just want to bring that out because other people

have gotten into that gray area before and it's just advised and come up from that experience

especially in the last three months experience leads us to just to not even mention them at all

If you've got to mention them to get your call funny, then you better do something else first,

because that's not good enough.

Joker's asking me in the chat room, how do you get a gold star?

I can give you a gold star, man.

Here you go.

Yeah.

There you go, man.

You want the app gold star.

You can have that gold star.

There you go.

That's what you're talking about.

You have to go to your Gort.

You have to go to Gort and download the gold star app that Madhouse has authored of.

Make sure you do that.

What's the problem, AMD?

Do you have computer machine problems?

I mean, you keep calling and

discalling. What's going on? And he's

gone again. AMD, come on, man.

AMD. I think AMD

has pierced ears, guys. What's up

with that, right? How 90s?

Men don't get their

both ears pierced anymore. Remember, that used

to be the thing. Go to a club and you see usually

a black guy with a crew cut and pierced

ears. Always fun. Ken,

you there? Because Milkman's gone, so is AMD.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Hey, boy, we got

got disconnected all right man and we are reconnected now let me disconnect the uh

i would have been faster but i took some time out uh because my wife

you gotta go poopy dude go poopy man no my wife got indian food for me and i'm eating it right

now actually got some pilau rice right now as a matter of fact oh okay very good yeah so i started

Sorry, I used it as the disconnect as an opportunity to warm up my food,

and I'm just here eating a samosa right now.

Well, it's really good, you know, for loosening the stool, too, man.

You know, I know you've always had good results with that, you know,

especially when you get done with it.

You know, you can always shit in the microwave and, you know, and re-ease it later.

Oh, man, it's good stuff.

I just had half of it.

I'm going to let the rest sit there for a little bit and try not to eat it.

Oh, man, you got a big, giant, huge curry fart building up.

No, no curry.

hurry uh i was i was like i'm just gonna have one little spoonful of it and i did and i was like oh

fuck this i gotta eat i was hungry uh i haven't eaten i haven't eaten what did you get it's

tandoori chicken uh there's a garbanzo bean i don't know what she got she got some papadums

um there's a chickens i guess that's tandoori chicken and there's red pilau rice yeah and

these garbanzo things what the hell is papadum man what is that is that like a danone bread or

or what? Kind of. It's kind of like a

dumpling kind of thing, I guess.

Oh, okay. Every country

has a dumpling. Alright, listen. We're doing

Prank Calls. This is a Prank Call show.

Alright, let's take a dump. Let's go back to

Prank Calls, then. Here's Lonesome Loser's

number for a Chinese restaurant

in Guam. This is a remnant

from the calls we were just trying to do.

Did you call back that first one? She was pretty

randy, man. Yeah, but, you know,

it's been done. What am I going to do it again

for, you know? Yeah, I got you.

Did we bring the other guys back,

are we still uh not yet not yet no oh later later later later later

hey how are you hello hey i'm eating your food is delicious you're this food is delicious

this food this food is delicious oh it's good you want to order i already got some i'm eating

it right now i already got some it's delicious oh thank you your food is so good hey

thank you very much where are you from honey sorry where are you from honey yeah you where

are you from honey baby the ice are you from the ice you said what you say honey

oh that's nice are you chamorro no i'm filipina no you're not chamorro no sir oh you're filipina

You know, that's very, very pretty.

Do you have nice long hair or no?

No.

No long hair?

Short hair.

Look, man, I think I'm doing pretty good tonight with the ladies.

You know what I'm saying?

I'm trying out this new testosterone spray that KDK told me about.

Oh, it's got pheromones in it, Milkman's crew.

Yeah.

That's what he wears.

He said, hey, Carlito, you want to get with the ladies or the gay men?

Then, you know, anybody who's attracted to a man's scent, you spray this on you, preferably on the shoulders.

And you try to get in between your shoulder blades also and the small of your back.

And you can do your chest also if you're going to be in close contact with a lady, like, say, in a club where you're all dancing.

You put some on their chest.

And if you're taller than them, you're in, like, Flynn, man, they smell that and they're like, oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, man, that's good.

I'm going to get, that's what I'm going to buy for Ken.

Ken, let's get birthday boy back on.

I'm going to get that.

Milkman, put that down.

We're going to take some money out of the Madhouse fund that we got going on,

the PayPal account, and we'll get Ken a gift.

Ken, you there again?

Of course, Mr.

I'm going to get your address.

Milkman's going to get your address.

We're going to send you a gift.

We're going to send you a bottle of this pheromone cologne body spray that I got

for the ladies.

You know, you can wear it around your wife.

For the bitches?

Yeah, you can wear it to work and stuff, and, you know, I don't know what I'm talking about.

Enigma wanted me to pass on a message.

He said, if you can't tell Carlito Machines that the site login and logout is fixed,

and the site now has menu support.

Hey, you got a click.

There you go.

Good work, Enigma.

Did a good job.

Enigma.

Yeah, Enigma, motherfucker.

All right.

Here's George Baker in England.

Let's give him a call.

Let's give him a wake-up machine.

All right.

Because it's Ken's birthday.

Fuck yeah.

Fuck.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Wake up.

Jesus.

Hello?

That was loud.

Scared the vagina out of me.

Hello?

Hey!

Oh, my God!

Hello?

Fuck yeah.

Open up.

I'm going to call Kapowabu and see it.

Hello?

Shut up.

All right, let's call George Boner instead.

George Boner.

Oh.

Hmm.

Where is this?

Rotterham?

Rotterham.

Hey, we're in Boner, huh?

In Rotterham.

Oh, I'm jerking.

I'll rotter him.

Yeah, you guys kept doing calls Friday and that in the background.

Hello.

Hey, is this the Mr. Boner?

Mr. Beanie?

George Beanie?

Yes.

I need the morning call.

Are you on here?

Yeah, I'm going to bring breakfast over.

Me and you can have a talk.

We're going to sit down on the couch and talk.

I'll be better.

What time do you wake up?

I'll bring you some breakfast.

Yes.

Awesome.

Bye.

No, don't go.

Come on, man.

Had a little more trouble with that fucking phone there, pal.

So what were you saying?

We did what calls Friday?

With the fapping noise in the background.

Like at random, just the fapping noise.

I'm going to listen to that probably tonight.

I just woke up.

I slept eight hours before the show.

This is usually the time that I'm up at work.

I'm trying to stay on the schedule.

So even on my days off, I'm trying to stay up all night.

And I want to thank Brad, man.

I was alone at work in the server room all night.

Time was going slow.

slow i thought it was going to be one of those slow nights because there was basically weekends

you just babysit you know but luckily brad was on for the majority of my shift he was on till like

4 30 a.m eastern hello you chicken shit how you doing you did a good job brad they cracked me up

and kept me entertained at work and you know then i only had to go three hours yeah i was sitting

there listening to him and i'm in the chat and fucking cool rob started attacking me again out

out of nowhere cool rob man come on he's probably listening dude just take it easy man i had to

throw another fucking day ban on it he started threatening the doth attack again i'm like god

damn it he just starts rambling and stuff i don't know i like cool rob god you guys need to ignore

that shit man i don't know why you guys always feed into that play with as long as people posture

and then you react and they're always going to continue and ignore that shit yeah man here's

Here's another George.

George Grocock.

I get it.

Or is it Crow?

C-G-Hang on.

I don't have my glasses on.

No, G-R-O-cock.

Nice.

No, you're not available now.

Please leave your...

No answer there.

George Hodgetts instead.

George Hodgett machine.

Welcome to voicemail.

The person you have called is unavailable.

Yet another answer.

Please leave a message after the tone.

It's really hard to do this

when you people don't answer the phone.

Oh, assholes.

There, that's a nice message.

Do you have a video on CNN where the ACLU is talking about that Boston guy about not

getting his rights?

Yeah, well, I mean...

Every person deserves to be read their rights and all this shit.

Somebody needs to tell them just to shut the fuck up.

I don't know, man.

You're supposed to get your rights read, but there is, they call it that federal exception

that recently came into play where you can fault someone without having their Miranda

rights read.

Well, the kid was in no condition.

Well, they're not actually treating them like it's a normal, like, you know, criminal case.

They're more going along with this is almost like quasi-military, you know, because it's against, you know, government.

Well, no, John McCain and someone else were saying they wanted him tried, charged as an enemy combatant.

There's going to have to be evidence for that, though.

I mean, I understand you were upset about it, and I understand that he was an immigrant, but I don't know about just naming him an enemy combatant.

because if he wasn't affiliated with al-Qaeda directly,

there's no reason to name him an enemy combatant.

It just depends on what we get down to, what the motive is.

Exactly.

I mean, if he's connected outside, that's a different story.

That has yet to even been described, whether he's even connected to anybody.

Are you going to name Carl Tio in the chat, or is that somebody faking your neck?

I don't know.

Carl Tio?

Carl Tio.

Let me see it.

It says Carl Tio is available for help.

Yeah, that's me, because Carlito was ghosted for a while there.

I just want to make sure, because if somebody's fucking using that, I'm going to know if I've got the thing.

I don't like people using nicks.

No, that's fine.

Fucking hammer, bring it down.

Yeah, if you guys don't mind, op at me at a pre.

I think it's already done.

Someone already got to it.

All right, I won't do it, man.

I promise I won't kick him this time.

All right, thanks.

Thanks, Milkman.

All right, let's continue with the show.

If I need it, though, I'm going to have Kenner's get swinging the old dick again, man,

because he's doing good tonight, man.

He's already working over the crowd.

Yeah, he was putting in some security features earlier today I was watching.

It looked pretty good.

Man, this stuff is spicy.

Much appreciated, man.

Kenner's is one of our up-and-coming ops, man.

I was just saying, Ken, I meant Ven, but Ken, too.

Ken's doing good, yeah.

Ven was putting in some new security measures on the server.

Oh, Ven, oh, shit.

That's not, man.

He's operated, man.

But, Ken, you're doing it, too.

Good job, Ken.

This food is spicy as fuck.

Huh?

Hey, how you doing?

It's a cross.

George?

No, I got the wrong number.

Oh, listen, buddy.

I'm eating this Indian food.

It's really spicy.

Yeah.

There you go.

I just love waking him up for stupid shit.

It's not that good of a prank as far as premise and stuff.

I like when we did that whole string of when they kept asking,

Do you know what time it is we'll get playing that fucking surprise music and shit?

Yeah.

You just got to keep in mind it is 5 in the morning, I believe.

5, 10 in the morning where we're calling on a Monday.

So they're probably pretty pissed off.

Boy, Nunu really wants that.

Yeah, so what happened?

He's saying there's a town in England that hates Margaret Thatcher who recently passed away

because she closed a coal mine.

It's just Stuttern and Nunu's there, Manu.

It's just Stuttern in the chat.

Well, Nunu, what's the town?

Tell me what the town is, fucker.

You got to help me out.

You got to work with me.

You have a picture of her tits.

You might as well let them out.

We want to see them all wrinkled.

Yeah.

Because Lonesome has sent me numbers in the UK, but I don't know if they're in that area.

God damn it.

Lonesome has sent me numbers in the UK, but I don't know if they're in that area.

So you got to tell me where, Nuno.

All right.

You're getting off easy, buddy.

I'm not getting a lot of numbers from Lonesome either.

Let's go to Request a Prank and take a look over there.

Here I saw a one-bedroom apartment that Ken sent earlier, looks like to me.

Yeah, I was only able to send a couple.

I didn't see that many this week.

Slow this week, huh, on the one-bedroom apartments?

Well, everyone's concerned with the Boston.

Either dead or now they're wanting to email them that way for rifling off their phone numbers.

Yeah, maybe they're catching up to us.

Who knows?

All right, here we go.

Number to prank?

Engage.

one bedroom apartment for share no name giving asking 350 a month this food is so spicy but it's

so good i can't stop eating it i don't know how they do i know it's curry looks like there's a

little bit of sugar in there and uh what tastes like cloves to me cloves i think they use cloves

what is it they use all spice that's what they call it like 30 spices in one look man what's

an all spice look that up i'm sure you know i've never used that before i'm mixed hello

Hello?

Hebe, yes, hi.

Do you have any allspice I can borrow?

Can you borrow what?

Do you have any allspice I can borrow?

Allspice?

What is that?

Well, it's for like a seasoning that you use.

It's like a brown peppercorn berry, and it's dried and ground up.

Do you have that?

Okay.

No.

Why would you want to borrow that from me?

Well, I need to use it.

I'm making a pie, you know?

Oh, you're making a pie?

Yeah, and I need some more spice.

Okay, good luck.

I'll share some with you if you want, you know?

Why did I do that?

I forgot what I was doing, dude

I'm pretty, uh, yeah, I'm out there tonight

So

You've been smoking drugs again

I forgot the one bedroom

I forgot it was the one bedroom

You gotta keep in mind that you, like, share the bed

That's important

The Google subscriber you have called is not available

Please leave a message after the tone

Tonight's a big night for me in SimCity

After the show tonight, I'm gonna be taking

The original, the very first city I ever made

In that game

game in sandbox mode it's a large city i think has a population of 180 000 that's the best i've

gotten so far i'm gonna intentionally destroy it i'm gonna turn off all the city services

and watch them delve into chaos i'm gonna take videos and pictures of it also and i'll share

those with you guys if you're interested but i'm tired of this little region i'm playing in i'm

gonna do some online ones i'm gonna burn that motherfucker down tonight there will be blood

out in the streets carlopolis carlopolis put this motherfucker down all right let me see what else

i got a request to prank that's

That's right.

Big Zach.

Looking for just an Indian.

For a Marbridge.

Is it a one-bedroom thing?

Yeah, it's a one-bedroom.

All right.

One-bedroom.

No answer there, unfortunately.

Damn it, man.

I screwed the first one up.

Second one didn't answer.

You have got to be kidding me.

when we kept fucking with him over and over

and drug on forever.

Yeah, I'm editing those episodes.

I uploaded one this week.

That was a good episode I uploaded,

the one about the,

had the laundry basket prank,

the panties, pretty panties.

Oh, that guy was not happy.

I'm working at the Burger King.

Come on down and get him.

Oh, he's like, oh, I know where you live.

No, he's like, I know where you work.

I know the car you drive.

Because I told him I drive a Ford Escort.

Stupid.

he was sending his buddy the cow there and fucking arrest you and shit his buddy on the

state police is gonna come arrest me yeah no he was on the slot wasn't he so i don't know he's

yeah he's fucking hilarious and his but his girl was awesome his girl was like all right i'm gonna

come down to the burger king and take off my dirty panties in front of you and give them to you

if you give me my laundry basket back he was like in the background you can hear him going oh fuck

Fuck that.

He's going to like, I don't know what he says exactly, but he's like, oh, hell no.

And he got right on the phone.

He's like this fucking crazy bitch.

She's not coming down there by herself.

She's not coming.

He's just like, fuck what you heard from her.

My girl ain't taking off her pants in front of you, motherfucker.

Yeah, he said, like, if she's coming, she's coming with like a fucking .357 or some shit.

I'm going to shoot you in the dick.

Yeah.

Yeah, he said the same thing that the girl said to Jen.

uh back in december or november from the k-mart prank call a layaway one the 357 straight to the

dick she's he said she was going to do that basically bring come down with a gun and shoot

him in the dick i don't know why women fucking have to go there man they only that's the first

place they always go yeah i punched my girl in the in the genitals the other day i slapped her

down there was pretty funny i did it on purpose i loved how you were just fucking how much tape

Oh, man, I mean, it's in the car still.

I don't know.

Jose, you got a good microphone?

I know you've been punching your tits an awful lot, too, man.

How are you sounding, Jose?

Let's hear you.

Come on, man.

Don't fuck up.

Hey, guys.

Hey, man.

Good to hear you.

That's good.

You got a new microphone, or what happened?

What'd you do?

I got a headset.

You got a headset.

Very nice.

What'd you get, a Plantronics?

What'd you get, buddy?

A Logitech, I think.

That's good stuff.

Logitech makes good keyboards, too, young man.

I remember that now.

Mm.

Anyway, so you want to do a show?

When did you want to do your shows?

Did you want a date or just random?

Like random or something like Wednesdays or something.

All right.

Wednesdays.

You're not going to have a specific night.

You're just going to go on whenever.

Yeah.

Maybe that's fine with you.

Do you have a name for your show yet?

Have you been thinking about this?

I'm still thinking.

I don't know.

Milkman, what do you think?

Should we let Jose Torea do a show during the week?

See if he's any good?

He's finally got a good mic.

Is he set up?

Is he set up to broadcast and all that sort of thing?

No, he's got to get set up.

That's the thing.

We've got to help him out with that.

I see.

Who's going to be on the show with him?

I don't know.

Who are you going to have on the show with him?

Yeah.

I think, hold on.

What was his face?

He was on, like, it was Captain something.

Captain something?

Oh, the Captain Rusty Crusty.

Yeah, I saw that guy's name in there.

Oh, okay, okay.

All right.

Well, I don't know the guy.

Yeah, we don't know the guy.

but i mean if it's your show yeah i mean you know yeah sure we'll get that we'll uh well did you get

your virtual audio cable or whatever you kept begging for no i just need to get it i need the

money i'm gonna probably gonna buy it this week hopefully you're gonna buy it's it's an expensive

i never use that shit i don't know milkman how much is a virtual audio cable you used to tell

me about that milkman that program virtual audio dude i don't use any of that shit man i'm just

I'm just using my phone today, man.

I don't do any of that anymore.

But you used to use it.

I mean, my advice is, if you can, swing with hardware.

That's what Air Mono has done.

And, you know, you get much better results.

I mean, you've got to do what you've got to do.

The problem is that you start getting all these drivers, like, kicking in and stuff.

Like, Skype driver will take over.

And, you know, that's where you start getting a little conflict.

You know, you may have to get more than one computer.

I don't know.

Why do you want to use virtual audio cable, Jose?

What's your setup?

Like, where you only have one computer?

I have two laptops right now, and I'm trying to make my own computer.

You're trying to make your own computer?

Yeah.

I don't think you need virtual audio cable, because I do it without it.

A few of us do it without it.

I'm sure there's a way you can figure it out, man.

I'll probably Google it, hopefully.

Maybe I could try to help you out, I guess, and see if you can figure it out.

Hardware solutions are always better than software solutions.

You've got resource and everything else when you've got software.

That's why your monitor setup usually works better, in most cases,

until the bandwidth starts coming down,

but that's nothing to do with that.

Yeah, you probably already got everything you need, man.

It's just a matter of walking you through.

I'll try to get with you during the week or something.

I don't know.

I'll try to get with you during the week,

see if I can help you out.

You don't have to spend that money.

All right, so maybe Jose will be doing a show this week

if we can figure out his tech.

Maybe he'll host...

What, are you going to do Skype calls?

You got Skype credit or what?

I mean, you got to have a plan.

Yeah, I have Skype.

All right, you got to have a plan

on how to make the calls going out

and get them on the air and stuff, you know.

If you want to do a show, that's cool.

Anybody else out there?

These are the few minimum rules we got to keep them in mind.

I know people get excited and have fun and do newbie shit on the air,

but, you know, you just don't want to make a regular happen.

Yeah, and we're just telling anybody else out there who wants to take a stab at doing a show.

Same thing goes for everybody.

And the other thing, if you guys are recording shows, it's not,

if you guys are doing shows, it shouldn't be so hard for you to be able to record your shows.

You really should because, like, you know, I could be recording, I may not,

And if something goes wrong on my end, you know, I lose the connection or something, then there it goes.

And you really should record your material, guys, because I actually heard some pretty funny shit on Fridays and other ones.

Just go put a damn stream ripper in.

I mean, I don't know how many million times I've posted a link to stream ripper.

You just turn on your wind amp and just hit stream ripper and thing rolls.

You know what I mean?

I've been doing it for, what, eight, ten years?

Worst case scenario.

You know, Brandon Vegas has been doing it.

Everybody can do it.

Worst-case scenario, all you need to do is get Audible.

What's the free audio editing program?

What's that?

Not Audible.

Audacity.

Just get Audacity, and really quick, you can set that up to record for you.

It'll record.

It'll record stereo mix, record stereo mix.

That's easy to do.

If you're going to do a digital solution.

Remember, though, that motherfucker uses a lot of memory,

so anytime you use a software solution, you better have some fat, hefty RAM.

Yeah, but you can still do it.

You don't want to be running background processes and all kinds of, like, bandwidth-consuming activities

or your town will suffer because digitally it'll sound like crap.

Yeah, well, anybody who's on the show can do it.

It doesn't have to be the main person broadcasting, anybody on the show.

And I'm just saying.

Even a listener can record it, too.

Even a listener can record it, yeah.

Even someone who isn't on the show.

But make sure you're getting copies of those shows, man.

You don't want to lose those pranks.

That's just some funny-ass stuff I have to say, man.

And hopefully the archives I got didn't get corrupted or anything.

And then we'll retrieve them.

Because I was laughing my ass off, man.

I couldn't believe no one else was.

I know what I'm trying to do with Ice Goose and all those guys.

I was fucking rolling.

That guy that was screaming, he was cussing.

Who the fuck was that Indian guy that was screaming?

And then he was, like, apologizing.

That man, that guy was funny as shit.

Did you hear that guy?

No, I didn't hear an Indian screaming and cussing.

He was apologizing like, oh, shit, it's a classic.

It is a good one, man.

They really got him.

Well, I heard the guy in an apartment, they got him to give his war cry, his war scream.

Oh, yeah, yeah, the movie acting thing.

And he yelled, and they're like, didn't anybody hear that?

Like, yeah, probably.

So people heard it.

He was in an apartment screaming.

That's part for the chorus in Detroit.

People just start screaming at random inside the apartment.

One other thing before we get off of it, whoever goes on the stream, I'm requesting, I'm formally requesting that if you turn the stream on, that you stick around or make sure that the stream is coming back off.

If you cannot, you turn it on and then hopefully somehow turn it off and need the rotation.

I'll plead to consider it to the listeners, because if you're not going to do the show, they still want to listen to something.

something yeah it's important yeah because that way the rotation server takes over and people

have something to listen to a b just for your case because you might not know and you forget

you leave it you come back you get up in the morning and your mic is hot and you're saying

fart and we're gonna listen to it and we by golly i guarantee you probably somebody be recording

snoring too or you go online and you start watching porn and you're fapping for real and

you don't realize that it's broadcasting on shoutcast and someone out there and we hear

Maybe you're slamming your gay lover's ass, you know, on air, man.

You know, it's going to be interesting.

So keep that in mind.

Cut the stream off.

Hey, Carlito, I sent you some 7011s and the hotel that got really mad at me this morning.

Okay.

You've been pranking on your own already?

Yeah.

Cool, man.

I tried it.

UKTED tried.

He did.

He did succeed on shutting down the 7011 store for a couple of hours.

Cool, man.

Sounds exciting.

Carlitos shut down fucking like seven or eight fucking pizza joints last week.

Or at least they were just not answering the phone anymore.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, here are the numbers.

We'll get to that before that.

Here's a number for a guy in the neighborhood that hates Miss Margaret Thatcher.

I don't have the name.

I lost the name.

Oh, shit.

That last show I edited, I'm talking about ducks petting a duck really hard on the hen.

Hello?

Hi, is this George?

Yes.

Yes, listen, we're getting together for a tribute to Margaret Thatcher.

We're going to be putting up a statue of her in town.

We're going to put up a statue of Margaret Thatcher in town in honor of her passing, the great Margaret Thatcher.

My name is Cross. I'm calling from the Margaret Thatcher Memorial Statue Machine.

Yeah, because the ceremony is in a few hours, and we're going to be traveling.

I know, but if you don't mind waking up.

I need you to get up and straighten yourself out.

Wash your hair.

Oh, come on, man.

This is Margaret.

Hello?

Get that powdered sugar and brush your teeth.

Listen, we need you to get nice and ready.

Wear a nice outfit, a nice church outfit, and come outside

because Margaret Thatcher's casket is going to be coming down the street.

Go and get stuffed.

No, Margaret Thatcher is coming down the street, and we're going to unveil a statue.

Oh, gone.

I love when he talks dirty.

Go and get stuffed.

Go and get voicemail plus.

Voicemail plus.

Uh-oh.

No, no, your people are out of fucking control.

Mail plus.

No, he's not answering anymore.

He left the phone off the hook.

He is a smart.

Yeah.

George White Man.

Call him the White Man.

This is motherfucking White Man.

that was my first prank call that ever recorded that nigger cab the guy's like this ain't no

goddamn nigger this is a fucking white man earlier in the fucking oh geez stomp in the yard

crazy fucker hangs out with them hey how you doing okay hey listen i joined the area nation

in prison and we're gonna be getting together for a margaret thatcher memorial starting in a few

few hours hello she's gone i yeah i saw someone chat earlier too after you talked to that uh

chick in singapore that gave her gave you her cell phone number they said we need to move the uh

madhouse meet up to singapore i wonder what the key word that got us connected there was i don't

know but you know what she probably has friends yeah that anyway that singaporean girl probably

Probably has friends who are just as slutty or more.

She's sounding kind of slutty.

She's so slutty.

She's like, I don't have a boyfriend.

I just have a man.

A friend, she said.

I'm like, oh, yeah.

Let's see what's up.

Hello.

Hey, George.

What?

Hey, listen, I just have a friend.

I don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend.

Okay, will you put this phone down?

I'm on night.

Listen, I'm with the Aryan Nation.

We're a prison gang.

Hello.

I'm with the Aryan Nation, guys.

White power in your handcuff and won't call back.

Muslim Brotherhood.

The Muslim bros.

That's what I call them.

Hello.

Hello, hello, hello.

Anyway, I had this job that we had a contract with years ago.

And one of our clients was named Brother Morgan.

Like, he was some kind of Franciscan priest guy.

And I would call him Bro-Mo.

And he thought it was cool.

He didn't mind.

Brother Morgan, Bro-Mo.

No answer there.

Here's J.R. Markey.

J.R. Malarkey.

After this one here, this UK attempted call.

We'll do some swap shops.

We'll take a look at Request a Prank.

We'll get to Jose's number.

We've got plenty to do here, guys.

Be excited.

Oh, fuck you.

Hello?

Hey, how are you?

Is that J.R. Markey?

Is he there?

You'll know what time it is on the morning.

Well, I'm in Illinois, Chicago.

I'm with the Aryan Nation prison gang,

and we're just calling on behalf of Margaret Thatcher Memorial.

It's after five on the morning.

I understand.

This is the second time I've got help coming to a phone.

I just need to let you know, at 8 o'clock in the morning, the casket of Mrs. Margaret Thatcher will be coming down the street.

We wanted you to get in some church clothes, nice and dressed up, clean up your front yard, and just be out there.

And just, when the casket comes by, just clasp your hands in front of you and, you know, tilt your head down in reverence.

As her casket comes by, it's going to be in a horse-drawn carriage.

Excuse me, but she's been buried already.

This is some of her clothing and memorabilia that we're putting in a casket to represent her.

We have some of her dirty laundry.

She just wore it.

Okay.

Tell you what, she even had a movie about herself.

She had a bioflick about herself before she died.

That doesn't always happen.

You gotta be really interesting for that to happen.

Emmy-nominated movie.

Not Emmy-nominated.

What happened? Credit cards? What?

What happened?

I was saying before you came on

the plane, what we were calling

the UK, them of losing their

order in a bunch of porn.

And all the porn names.

Aaron was calling, telling them they were ordering

big black pussy pumpers and shit.

Big black pussy pumpers.

Anyway.

That was me and Laugh Track Matt.

Matt Hillock. Me and him came up with that

during, I think it was the Christmas show, Christmas Eve.

We were calling people, talking about black pussy pumpers or something.

That's funny, yeah.

Brent Westwood brought that up.

How is it?

Hey, how are you, you crazy bastard?

Is that Mark?

Hey, this is Cross.

I'm calling from the Aryan Nation Memorial.

Margaret Thatcher Memorial.

I think you've got the wrong number.

No, this is Mark Proudly.

Is Mr. Proudly there?

Yeah, just a minute.

Thank you.

That was easy.

Oh, they're watching TV.

They're up.

If they're up this early, they must be crazy.

Crazy old people that get up early and sleep early.

Probably have dinner at 4 o'clock in the afternoon.

That's what I imagine these old people will like right here.

4 p.m. they have dinner, then they go, they sit down at the other, the family room,

and they put some vinyl records on, maybe.

Big real persuasion?

Nah.

I think they've got, like, a big, one of those big puzzles,

like 3,000-piece puzzles on a table, and they work on it a little bit every night.

How often do you think he dusts that old thing off?

Oh, man.

He puts a spit shine on it, probably.

probably and she probably has no teeth in she takes her teeth out hello gives him a good gumming

i don't know what's going on she's taking a long time and she let's call the next one

what's the jeopardy over there i don't know man hello yeah what happened took you a long time

mark were you on the toilet yeah what were you doing on the toilet are you doing poo-poo or pp

all that to say that great he wasn't on the shitter all right

Oh, we should have taken

Yeah, well, so you were really on the toilet?

No, phone call

Listen, I'm with the Aryan Nation, Margaret Thatcher

Hurry up and pitch that off, you get a phone call

Why'd Bill Bollocks call me on a phone call?

There's someone in the chatroom called Bill Bollocks

Bill Bollocks, hell yeah, man

I was doing a Bill Bollocks call at the beginning, wasn't I?

Doing Bill Bollocks a little bit there

Yep, you gave him just a taste of it.

A little bit of attitude, Mr. Bollocks.

I'm Bill Bollocks.

I thought I saw Rusty Shackleford in the fucking chat earlier, too.

Who's Rusty Shackleford?

From fucking King of the Hill.

That was Dale fucking Leos all the time.

Was Dale the cigarette-smoking one?

Yeah, the fucking crazy one that's always wearing the hat.

Yeah.

I got you.

Ooh, there's a phone call coming in!

Yay!

Let's see if this is a phone winner.

It's green.

Okay.

I sense the caller's voicemail.

Oh, this is the number we called for the Indian restaurant, Indian people.

Hello?

Are we done?

This is the guy with the Indian request.

Yes, you have an apartment for share?

Yes, that's right.

Oh, that's nice.

Yeah.

Are you Indian or are you American?

What are you?

I'm Indian.

Okay.

That's nice.

And $300 a month.

And how many beds are inside?

It's one-bedroom apartment.

All right.

So do we sleep in the same room?

Yes, that's right.

Or you can share the living room.

That's okay.

There's nothing in the living room you leave.

Oh, but maybe I would like to sleep in the same bedroom just for protection.

We can be together in the bedroom.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's fine.

Okay, and then we'll lock the door when we're in the bedroom so no one comes in to hurt us.

You know?

Okay.

I like to sleep in the bedroom with the door locked every time.

Is that okay?

Yeah, that's fine.

That's not a problem.

Do you like a little bit of light in the bedroom also, just in case?

Okay.

Okay, let me get to one question.

Are you a CSUN student or a student nearby, or the number you're calling is from Nevada?

Yeah, I moved here.

I'm a student, and I moved here.

Okay.

Okay, well, I'd like to meet you in person, and then we can go from there.

If you have any questions at that time, I can answer those questions.

I'm a math major.

I'm really smart.

I'm sexy.

I have nice shoulders.

I'm not hairy.

Well, I'm getting another call as of right now, so...

Are you Gondu?

Whenever you want to meet.

Are you a Gondu?

Text me whenever you want to meet.

Are you Gondu?

Talk about it.

Are you Gondu?

Hello?

Fucker.

He's not paying attention to what I'm saying to him.

Is he a Gondu?

And he keeps talking right over it.

Right over it like an asshole.

What's the term we used to use for animals?

What are we called?

The Turkish guy?

You've got to phrase it properly, though, man.

Are you Gondu, too?

You're right.

Right. That's Hywan, Ken. Hywan, sir.

Hywan, I didn't know if it translated over to Indian also or not.

No, no, no.

Let's play some more of these wannabe porn stars getting trolled.

Let's play a little more of that because they're funny.

Would you go to the salon? Ask for the Cornelius?

Do you even know what he means by that?

No.

You ever see the movie Planet of the Apes?

Racist.

And how much do you weigh?

What moves?

135 pounds.

135?

Yes.

Let's see.

Yeah. We'll see about that. 135, my fucking ass.

Oh, my God.

I put her on a scale.

It fucking says error.

What's up, whore? What's your name?

Delilah.

Delilah. Reminds me of a pretty big strip club down around my area.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, you couldn't work there, though. That's where all the hot chicks work.

You'd have to work at, like, one of the skankier joints around the corner with the fatties.

Jesus Christ. You are fucking beat.

What, did you just come from a fucking Flock of Seagulls concert?

Look at that forehead.

Holy, that's like a five head.

What do you do when you're at home in your spare time besides being chubby?

Anyone ever tell you you look like Whoopi Goldberg?

Anyway, that video's awesome.

What do you do when you're at home besides being chubby?

Oh, poor girl.

She's just like, oh.

That's where all the hot girls work.

You couldn't work there.

At the end of this, there's one who just walks off.

She's like, fuck this.

What do you think the odds are that that guy you were just talking to had another call coming in?

Probably not.

I didn't hear anything.

I didn't hear anything, you know?

Let's see if he answers.

There's no way he'll answer a second time.

Want that call?

Hi, you have reached that call.

Please leave your name and number, and I'll give you a call back as soon as possible.

That call.

Thank you very much.

Have a great day.

At the tone, please record your message.

When you have finished recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options.

Hey, Dakon.

This is Cross again.

I just want to make sure you were really on the phone.

It sounds like maybe you're not because it rang a few times.

So I think you're lying.

Asshole.

I'm going to call him back.

I just want to see if he'll call me back.

He probably won't.

He seems too peaceful and passive.

Now leave a message.

I didn't mean it.

Hi, have you read that con?

No, he's just ignoring it.

I hear him hitting ignore anyway.

He's not aggressive at all, so it's not funny.

It doesn't work for me.

That's my style of prank calls all I'm in.

I really am just rude and mean, like this guy talking in his video.

I just act like that so people get angry at me and have an argument.

That's my prank call style, I would say.

You know, there's different styles of martial arts.

That's like my general style.

You might not like that, and that's fine.

You don't have to listen to this show or my prank calls.

A lot of people don't like my prank calls.

A lot of other prank callers don't like my style of prank calls,

and I don't necessarily like theirs.

The majority of us respect each other, and, you know, we're just a positive community.

I mean, there's other elements.

I mean, you know, a lot of people resent superior people.

Like, you know, somebody can outdo them.

They kind of resent it.

So, I mean, this comes with territory, son.

Look, the bottom line is I have no respect for two things in prank calls.

Number one, the least amount of respect I have is the prank calls that come from fucking radio stations that are fake.

They have actors, you know, just from regular FM fucking radio stations.

All that shit is fake and it's stupid.

And the majority of people that are, you know, out there are like, who are up like at seven o'clock in the morning getting ready to go to work.

And all they got to listen to on the way to work is FM radio because they sure as hell don't know how to work a podcast or an internet radio or a satellite radio.

They're like, fuck that.

I just turn on FM radio.

You know, the majority of people who vote in presidential elections, basically.

uh and they think those are oh did you hear the one where the fucking you know the fucking the

chick found out that her man was cheating on her on the radio and they're like oh we're from the

radio that was so funny yeah or you could be the guy that goes did you hear about the radio host

who uh did a double decker and put it in a fucking toilet or in a microwave and then heated

it up at a party yeah that's funny anyway my yeah that's i have least respect for that fake prank

prank call stuff the second one is people who copy stuff you know especially if you copy

someone else's style and then talk shit about it's like hey man excuse me

anyway let's continue with the show more prank calls let's do some swap shop machine

like i said i would if i could find the link here and the tab i already have it open

you know the other thing too is the racist and anybody can you know

It's a good name, you know, like something physical or something obvious,

but it's where you can draw them out and keep them on the phone

and continue to let them rage and just toy with them.

Like, you know, and that's the way Carly works, man.

You just toy with them, man.

That's what's so funny.

It's because you demonstrate it every week.

You haven't made the big time until someone threatens to shoot you in your dick hole.

There you go.

Wanted to mention Allspice is also called Jamaican Pepper.

It is not a mix of spices, just like you said, Milkman.

It is indeed just a spice.

Jamaican pepper.

Just kind of a lot like regular black pepper, but just a different take on it.

It's big, dude.

The fucker's about like the biggest size of a marble, man.

Well, no, not that big.

They were actually about the size of, hell, man, like the end of your pinky.

Yeah?

It says it's about the size of a pinky.

I was thinking of that make for a second, man.

But the Allspice is about the end of your pinky.

It's about bigger than a tapioca.

So what's the one that Indians use that's, like, a mix of, like, 30 different spices in one?

I eat garam masala.

You're talking about garam masala?

I don't know.

I just know there's one that they use where it's, like, a specific mix of spices.

That's garam masala.

Okay.

Yeah, it's really nice, man.

It's for special types of Indian or Nepal food, man.

Okay.

I looked up Indian spices, and it listed probably 40 or 50 different fucking spices

because they love to use them when cooking.

Yeah, he's talking about Gator Masala.

That's the one, it's like a standard, like, you know, if you want to add that,

it gives a little bit of kick, and it's kind of like a standard mixture.

I mean, there's obviously variations of it, but, you know, it's got, like I said,

flavors, kind of got a little bit like cinnamon, a little bit of clove, too.

It's kind of got that kind of...

Yeah, kind of like, you know, those pumpkin pie spice, you know,

during the holidays you can get, usually.

Yeah, better than that, though.

Yeah, better than that.

But, yeah, that kind of, that's reminiscent in that range.

That's exactly right.

I think the British have a version, too, that they use in puddings and stuff like that.

I know someone who used to do that kind of cooking at a renaissance fair,

and she said she used to order this mixed spice online from the UK.

You know, cooking this with the garam masala, you don't have to actually add all that other stuff

because it got everything pretty well.

I mean, it's usually got about 30 things.

Holy shit, yeah.

See, that's what I'm saying.

I knew it had like 30 to something.

It was a lot of fun.

I was like, holy shit, that's really a...

I made my own garam masala before, but, you know, it's like, you know,

It's usually easier if you just buy a higher quality Garam Masala

and then just use that as part of your purring.

Yeah, listen, I'm looking at Swap Shop here.

Here's one that I know I'm not going to do.

I'm looking for 22mm ammunition of any brand.

Really more interested in the bulk box rounds, like Federal 525 rounds.

I don't think I'm going to call that guy.

He's putting a call out there for as much ammunition in bulk as he can get his hands on.

Yeah, I'm sure his line's already fucking tapped with that type of head.

god damn dude seriously are you even trying uh try you're on the fucking radar god damn all right

here's a guy looking to buy four tires new or good use condition he's looking for four tires

for 15 is that 15 inch wheel monster mud tires is it 15 inch or foot no that foot 15s i guess

that's what it is monster mud tires that sounds fun going mudding you know i never done it but

This sounds fun.

Paul Mudden, dude, is a bomb.

You'd love it, dude.

You'd be perfect, Ken.

Did you hear that's how that kid from that MTV show Buck Wilde died?

Yeah, and then they canceled the show.

I was kind of dismayed because I know it was getting okay ratings.

They were surprised it was getting the ratings it got,

and they had already started filming season two.

The kid got doors deep, so they were fucking to the vehicle.

But why didn't they open a window?

They just sat there like retards?

I don't understand.

I guess, and they died of fucking, what is it, carbon monoxide poisoning?

Yeah, well, because the tailpipe was under the mud, and they didn't know it,

and it was backing up the carbon monoxide into the cab.

And they just sat there, I guess, and, like,

they didn't even think about opening a door, maybe, or a window.

When did you start passing out and be like, yeah, maybe I should open the window?

They didn't all pass out at the same time.

I'm not feeling so good. Maybe I should get some air.

I'm sure one of them passed out, and the other one could have been like,

oh, let me open a window and step out real quick.

Well, maybe they didn't want to because it was muddy.

I don't know, but it just seems like a fucking...

It seems like an Illuminati hit to me, man.

The Illuminati didn't want that show to keep going on for whatever reason,

and they took a hit on that kid.

That's exactly what happened.

Fucking Illuminati hit.

Ask Crazy Fucker, buddy.

He'll tell you, Ken.

So, Ken, be real with me, man.

What did you do for your birthday?

Did you get a steak today?

Did you get a special meal?

special special kiss did you get special kiss i went over to my mom's house and actually had

nachos for my birthday because that's what i fucking was feeling like yeah did you have beans

on them or beans fucking liquid cheese regular cheese i'm fucking decked it out nice liquid

cheese is good man awesome cool man i'm happy for you glad glad you have fun playing any nintendo

Endo games? Any video games today?

Yeah, just to beat my son's ass and some fucking wrestling stuff on his 360.

There you go.

And to reinforce it, he'll never be able to beat me in video games.

You sure?

Tell him I've been playing that shit longer than he's been alive, so he'll never be better than me.

That's how I feel about Mortal Kombat.

Because like four days ago, he just turned fucking 12.

Well, I've been teaching my nephew how to play Mario Kart on his DS.

He's like, have you played this game before, Uncle Carlos?

I'm like, young man, 20 years ago.

Yes.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

I see that you're looking for some big monster mud tires.

Yes.

Okay.

And are these for a car or a van?

What did you want to put them on?

Because I can bring them down.

Do you know how late it is or early in the morning?

I know.

I'm at a parking lot now, and there's a car that has the same four tires you're looking for.

So I've got some cinder blocks here in the bed of my truck, and I've got a jack.

and I'm going to take the four tires real quick

and throw them in the bed of my truck

and I'll leave the car up on the cinder blocks.

Hello?

That's a good plan.

That's the Detroit thing right there, right?

Putting cars up on cinder blocks.

I've never seen that in my life,

but I've always heard about it.

Dude, that's a redneck thing, man.

That's a ghetto.

Yes, come on.

I'll get these tires for you.

They look brand new.

They look really nice.

I'll clean them and everything.

I got tire wet in the trunk.

Do not, I'm sorry, but do not call here again.

It's 1 o'clock in the morning.

I know, but do you want the tires?

I'm looking at a car that's gone on right now.

I'm looking at another truck, and I'm going to, I'll put that truck up on center blocks and take tires off.

Who is this?

This is Cross.

Who?

Cross, Cross.

My name is Cross.

No, thank you.

I'm not interested.

Okay.

You just want legit tires?

No, I want you to not call here anymore.

Oh, you should try these cigars from Jamaica.

They're just as good as the Cuban ones.

Do not call me again, buddy.

Okay.

All right.

Well, if you know anybody who wants to...

Okay.

She's not interested, buddies.

Call me buddy, pal.

We have a horse for sale.

Made 14.2H machines.

I think that's hands.

I think that's the...

Hey, what's up?

Hey, what's up, piece of shit?

Hey.

So, is it working now, the logging shit?

It's all working, man.

Yay!

Did you remind me that Tupac died this weekend?

uh what would have been 16 years ago i guess right yeah oh shit yeah no no clapping there

whoops sorry wrong one sorry maybe i'll play a tupac machine here later

to michavelia rides all eyes on me all right i found some uh songs that were slowed down

that were pretty cool what's with the slowing down thing i heard now they put a i love the

The fucking juice slowed down like the classical reading that cracks me up.

I haven't heard.

I heard the Justin Bieber one was funny.

I heard about it on the news, but I haven't heard this audio yet.

Well, yeah, Chopped and Screwed is that I've heard.

It's like that.

That's what Slowdown is.

It's just, like, lazier, you know, like the sound.

Nice.

Sounds real mellow.

Sounds pretty cool, though.

Sounds real mellow.

You have to do it right.

It sounds cool.

Right here.

right here in the skype chat what's going on is skype breaking up again

no my my no my audio cut out it was me it's not you uh that's a slow down uh

all right let me check this out because i haven't heard these yet but i've heard good things

so much drama this is the same we're not we're not talking about the same thing though you've

you've said this before yeah i said that a while back the lbc this is different though it's kind

It is hard being Snoop Dogg, man.

Can you imagine?

It's a lot of pressure.

A lot of people out to get you.

Snoop Lion now.

Snoop Lion.

Okay, more prank calls.

Enough bullshit talk.

Calling some more people in the UK and harassing them.

Oh, wait.

Jose, where'd you send those numbers you said?

On your Skype account.

On my Skype account.

Oh, over here.

Okay, all right.

Let me copy-paste them into here.

Way over there.

Jose, if you add the plus ones and all that, it makes it easier for calling them out of the chat.

Now, do you want that when you're in Skype or in the request of Franks?

Do you want the plus one added in there, too?

That helps because I have a plug-in that automatically will kick it over to Skype if you do that.

I'll start doing that from now on.

Yeah, that does help out.

I think there should be room for you to do it.

It just helps out.

Either or, all I have to do is copy-paste.

I was letting Jose know because other hosts say the same thing.

All right. Quest in. Tell them you're from what? Corporate.

Corporate.

Young man, you need to learn how to spell there, buddy.

Class, our final exam will be coming up at the end of this week.

The test will be comprised of 20% written, 30% oral, and 50% anal. Any questions?

Professor?

Yes, dear?

Will there be any extra credit?

I am so glad you asked.

Rest in peace, Ron Jeremy.

How can I help?

Yes, hello. I'm calling on behalf of Ron Jeremy and Margaret Thatcher Machines.

Okay.

I'm looking to make a reservation there.

How many beds can be pushed together inside the hotel?

In what?

How many beds can we push together in the center of the room? How many beds?

Yeah, you can do only two. I mean, like, yeah.

Can I order reservation for two rooms and then move the two beds from one bedroom into the other?

Yeah, you just want a two-bedroom to move into the center of the room, right?

I want four beds, yeah, and then no other furniture except for four beds.

Oh, you can't do that.

It won't be sufficient.

You can't have four beds in one room.

How about three?

Would three fit in there?

No.

No?

Just two?

Yes, just two.

Do you have any, you have no other extensions?

Do you have rooms that connect together in between?

Yes, we do have.

How many can I chain together?

Like, can I get, like, three of them in a row like that so we're all three together?

Yeah, I can do that.

Can you call me tomorrow?

What are you doing?

I'll check.

Are you busy?

I'll check.

Huh?

I'm with corporate.

This is important, okay?

Thing is, like, I don't have the list of the rooms that are connected tonight.

Okay.

I don't have that list available.

I'll get back to you tomorrow.

If you give me your contact number, I can call you back.

Can I bring a gynecological exam chair also for one of the rooms?

We're having a sexual party.

gynecological examination

and convention

legends told me to

tell horse machine to voice

me on chat

horse machine do it

I see big bill bollocks is still hanging out

with us talking about grilled cheese

in the chat

legends here

I didn't see

why is it in there

they're not answering again

did you know them Jose

what kind of hotel is that where they need me to call back tomorrow

what kind of end what is that it's like a small-time operation or was it a big no it's like

a motel i called them in the morning told them that i was from corporate and then me and uh what's

his face we're messing around with him a lot there was this black guy that got really really mad

though oh no man that's crazy like the manager like he was pounding on the desk he was threatening

us that he was gonna call the cops like we told him that did you record this we barricade the

door did you record this i don't think so but see you see what i mean milkman this is what i'm

saying son of a bitch not recording this stuff now i'm angry i don't believe you jose that could

have been the best prank ever you didn't record it what's the word you guys gonna start recording

the one that he did where you came in spanish is that the one you're talking about which one

no it was this prank call happened like earlier like he did it on his own this morning or

something yeah come on man oh i was gonna say i recorded no i did record it now i'm not sure

what's on but i know that i did record it when you did do that that's the show and the shit this

is different milkman you're not paying attention man come on no no no i now i understand i thought

you're talking about the show and then earlier on i was on with you uk ted and we call it 7011

the electrical company was there fixing up the gas pumps we told the electrical company to just

just leave because we were hiring our own independent electrical crew he got out and we

shut down the 7-eleven wow man that's why all those three that's very good so this one is shut

down this morning you said right shut down this morning or last night calling you uh

this evening okay 7-eleven yeah how you doing there sir not too bad i came to get gasoline

from my car machine and there was no gasoline working there what happened when was that when

When was that, Jose, last night?

It was, no, it was like four hours ago.

Yeah.

Why did this happen?

What's going on?

Do you have bad gas?

I don't believe it.

Why was the gas shut down?

When did you come in, just now, or were you there before?

10 o'clock.

So you weren't there when the gas machine was down?

I don't know.

Who was there?

No one mentioned anything about the gas being down.

Who was there?

Who was there at that time?

The person that was here has left.

What's the phone number?

What's the name?

I called back tomorrow morning.

You could probably talk to the manager.

Well, I'm calling from corporate.

We need to get that information.

Don't have that number.

What's the name then?

Who was on shift?

Go look at the schedule.

Go, go.

Hello?

Yeah, go.

Can you go and look at the schedule and see who was working before you four hours ago?

Okay, who am I talking to?

My name is Cross.

I'm calling from the corporate office, and I'm on the line with Mr. Jose.

We have some serious complaints about this location here,

and we're trying to get the information of who was on duty there four hours ago.

Crystal was on.

And when is she in again?

She is a clerk.

She's a clerk.

Crystal, what's her phone number?

I wouldn't give you her phone number.

You have the, if you want to talk to my manager, call tomorrow morning.

It's the weekend.

We don't have the information.

This is an important machine.

Will you call her?

Will you call her and tell her to call me back right now?

Sure, bye.

You don't have the number.

Let me give you the number.

Stupid.

Sure, bye, asshole.

hole the one that was shut down that was the very last one oh this one was shut down okay

whoops all right let's call that one then someone hacked into their gasoline pumps it's not hacking

though you guys just had them shut down take it easy we told them we told them take it easy jose

take it easy yeah take an oath you guys take the master take the masturbation hello hey

what's going on that one there to get gas and there was no gasoline what is this we just don't

have gas right now. What's the matter with the

gasoline? Does the guy have bad gas?

Is it bad? You have bad

gas. There were people who were telling me at the

other gas station, at the Circle K

that said, oh yeah, you came from that 7-Eleven

too? They have bad gas. They were on

the news that they had water in the gas

and people's cars got all messed up.

I get gas at your place all the

time. I hope to God you guys didn't put bad

gas in my car. If, listen to me,

I'm an American veteran, and if you put

bad gas in my car, I'm going to have something

for you. A lawsuit. You understand? I apologize for the inconvenience. As far as I know, it's not

a bad gas. I just work here. They said there's oil and water mixed in the gas. They're oil from

the inside of the gas station and water and bad gas inside it and dirt. That's what they said.

The news said really it showed a picture of your place and everything. And it showed you going

inside from like really far away. It was just on the news this morning. You didn't see it.

They showed me?

They showed you walking in to start your shift and everything.

Yeah, they had you on camera from, like, the parking lot.

Because I came in and I saw you.

It was the same person.

I know what you sound like.

I went in, and everyone there is like, oh, there's no gas.

The gas isn't working.

I don't know anything about it.

Well, can you make a statement?

Is it true you have bad gas?

That's what the team is.

I cannot make that statement, and I will not make that statement.

All these people were at the other gas station saying, oh, yeah, they have bad gas.

I cannot help what other people say.

Someone said that their nephew was driving a brand-new Ford truck,

and the Ford truck was found on the side of the road dead.

It was messed up so bad.

The car just went like that.

I have no clue about any of it.

And they had it checked, and they said it was bad gas from your place,

and two other people complaining, and they showed one guy.

They were interviewing him in front of his truck, and he's like,

it's going to cost me $3,000, $5,000 to get a new engine in here

because they put bad gas at the gas station, the 7-Eleven, they said.

And the guy came on and he said,

this 7-Eleven has had five complaints in the last week.

And they showed your place and everything.

And they said that they've been trying to get a statement

and that there's been no statement.

They have had no response, they said.

So you're saying you have no response?

I do not because I know nothing about it.

1870 is a great name.

Who provides...

Ma'am.

Excuse me?

Ma'am.

Yes.

Uh, weren't you supposed to be shut down a while ago, please?

I am Roy from the corporation.

Not to my knowledge, no.

Uh, where there...

I cannot answer any questions because I don't know nothing about it.

You have bad gas.

I know nothing about it.

You have bad gas.

Come on, just tell me, do you have bad gas, and we'll be okay.

I know nothing about it.

If you have a concern, go ahead and call corporate.

If you just say that the gas isn't that good,

maybe I can give you some money from the settlement if you help me out.

Yeah, no.

No.

Come on.

How much?

If you have a concern, call corporate.

Thank you for your concern.

Have a nice day.

Look, we're throwing a lawsuit for $15,000.

I'll be happy to give you a cut of that.

I'll give you $3,000 of that.

Hello?

You should have told her that you heard from a reputable source.

Life is over a month.

Thank you for calling 7-Eleven.

John, you're on the line.

This is Dana.

I'm going to help you.

Listen, I'm throwing a lawsuit for $50,000.

I can give you $15,000 of that if you want.

If you have concerns, I cannot give you any answers.

Have a great night.

Think about what $15,000 could do for you this year.

Think about it.

Is this tax time right now?

Look at that.

She won't do it.

One more.

I'm going to tell her under the table, under the table.

That's an old prank call by Ted Webb and KDK called Bad Gas.

It's pretty funny.

I really appreciate that prank call.

Ted talks like this Italian guy, and he says,

My mama get the gas, and he's got bad gas.

it's just really silly and funny

I love it

I haven't heard that in a long time though

but I always find myself quoting it you know

bad gas

I should try to download that I wonder if Ted has a copy of bad gas

you got bad gas Ted

let me know Ted

bad gas

that's what I'm asking

no offense

why'd you think I'm asking

I forgot to put the plus one card

yes hello William

William, how are you?

It's been so long since we've talked.

Hey, William.

I didn't have his last name in front of me.

Shit.

I don't know if I was going to get interrogated by him.

Fuck him.

I'm going to call someone else instead.

He's a dickhead.

Here's William Bro.

Bill Bro.

William Brow.

Bro.

I don't know.

It is what it is.

Hello?

William?

Who is it?

Oh, this is Cross.

Is William there?

Can I speak to him, please?

No.

It's time.

It's time. It's time now to talk to him. Now is the time.

Who are you?

I'm Cross. You put William on the phone. Now is the time to talk to him, not later. Now.

Who are you?

Where?

Who are you?

I'm Cross. I'm with the association. Put him on, please. It's very important.

My, my, are you there?

I'm here.

My father passed away last year, right? Right?

Will you not, will you not ring here again?

He has a set of keys that we need.

What?

He has a set of keys that we need here immediately.

He took a set of keys, and he took them over a year ago,

and he didn't give them back because he's old and senile.

So you bring the keys over then.

Oh, shit.

I want these keys.

The Infinity Key.

Who are you?

Hey, hello.

Please, I'm sorry.

I don't mean to be mean.

Please, just help me.

All right, now.

All right, well, here's another William then who's probably dead.

William John Fenton.

I feel bad.

That poor old man died last year.

What can you do?

Hello?

Hello, yes.

Is William there?

William John Fenton?

Yeah.

Will you put him on?

Now's the time to talk to him.

No, he's at work.

Sorry.

Now's the time to talk to him.

Now is the time.

He's at work.

But now is the time.

Oh, shit.

It doesn't help if he's at work.

Now is the time.

I'm going to use that for the rest of the time.

Now is the time.

Time, please, now is the time to talk to him.

Who is this?

You can't, he's at work.

Oh, when does he get back?

Because now is supposed to be the time.

Well, I'm sorry, he's at work till six o'clock.

At six o'clock he'll be back there, or he gets out at six o'clock.

Oh, fuck me.

Fuck that woman.

Fuck her.

Fuck her, Ken.

Hello?

Yes, may I speak with William Owen, please?

Yes.

Now is the time to talk to you, sir.

Okay, great.

Listen, I'm calling from the Margaret Thatcher Memorial student machine.

No, thank you.

We're going to be making a procession going by your house in two hours.

We have a casket filled with some of her personal belongings,

and we want you to come out and pay respect while the casket's coming down.

Fuck me.

It's true.

We're going to do it.

We're going to do it, guys.

Hello.

We're going to be going about 80 meters an hour.

Do they do miles per hour in England, or do they say meters per hour?

How does it work over there, or kilometers per hour?

Kilometers.

Well, I was like, meters.

We're doing 80 meters.

80 meters an hour.

That's pretty slow, actually.

Only 80 meters an hour.

The fuck?

80 meters.

It's not even a football field, is it?

Well, okay.

I was never good with measurements of distance.

Never been.

In elementary school, and even now, like, you can tell me, like,

oh, how far away is that wall from here?

I have no idea.

Five feet?

Ten feet?

Thirty feet?

I don't know.

It's just a common sense thing that I don't know.

No, I never grasped that.

I'm not embarrassed to talk about it.

It's a conspiracy.

It's all relative, man.

I'm a really bad driver for that.

Now I only have one eye, I can't even judge distance anyway.

It sucks people hand me stuff and I drop it all the time because I don't...

Hello?

Hi, how you doing there, buddy?

Hello?

Yeah, hi, is William there?

Who?

William?

Emmeline Williams?

Yes.

Oh, how are you?

Who's speaking?

I'm calling from National Student Machines and we're...

Who's speaking?

Okay.

Who's speaking?

Oh, my name is Eddie. I'm calling from National Student.

We're going to be, there's a casket that's coming down your street,

and we filled it with some memorabilia, some clothing,

and a picture of Margaret Thatcher to represent her, her remains.

And we're going to be coming down doing a funeral procession on a horse carriage, a horse machine.

This will be in about two hours. We should be coming around your area.

So we just wanted you to clean up your yard a little bit and maybe come up in front.

And when the horse comes by with the box, maybe fold your hands in front of you and tilt your head down or bow a little bit and just say a prayer for Margaret Thatcher.

Would you mind doing that?

We're going to be going by at about 80 kilometers an hour.

I'm sorry, but we're not interested.

Well, you're required to do this.

Okay, or we could charge you under the War Powers Act.

We're going to charge you with espionage, subversion.

Hey guys, I'm reading this book.

It's called Dead Hand.

It is a historical account of the Cold War.

It's really cool, guys.

Problem is I keep falling asleep while I'm reading it.

Not that it's boring, but I usually don't read it until I'm laying in bed and I fall asleep.

so I haven't been able to progress as much as I wanted to,

but I read it a lot yesterday and over the week, you know,

I've got about halfway done through the book.

It's pretty good.

Some really cool stuff.

They talk about the Cold War era and executions and stuff like that.

You see earlier today that North Korea moved two more of their fucking missile launchers.

Oh, yeah.

Are we paying attention to them again?

We're all distracted with the Boston Marathon bombing and the Texas thing.

Hello?

Yes.

Yes, how are you?

Yes, hello, sir.

Hi, this is William.

Yes, speaking.

Okay.

I'm calling from National Student Machines,

and we're going to be having a procession in memory of Margaret Thatcher coming down your street.

Would you mind coming outside and just bowing your head when the procession comes by, please?

We're not interested, thank you.

Well, we're going to be going by your house, and we're going to stop at your house, and we won't move.

Yeah, we're not interested.

We won't move until you come out, asshole.

hole we won't move until you come out not interested you will be interested they blew

you off like you're just like a fucking telemarketer and shit i order you interested

fuck you they're right there still i order you to do it i command you this is not a sales call

okay oh boy well guys i gotta go right all right jose bye take it easy and we'll work on that shit

all right all right bye see you later josie josie's down spider pussy yeah what was the

porno movie we were making last week with the black guy cream street cream street okay

you're gonna fucking have a tiger chained up just out of reach and all that and digitally

edit out the chain so it looked like it was just laying there and he was gonna have a spear in his

his hand a bone in his nose a bone in his nose you've got to be kidding me he's gonna fuck some

guy while a tiger's laying around like yeah that's like aborigine like you know african native porn

pygmy fucking congo porn that's how the that's how the natives get down they'll just have a tiger

laying around like fuck it we're just gonna fuck right here in this african savannah who is the one

No, I don't remember how that show was.

Hello?

Hey, is that big Paul Williams there, buddy?

Yes.

Listen, I'm calling from the student machine, and we're going to have...

Why are you phoning me at this time in the morning?

Well, because there's a procession coming by your street here in about 30 minutes.

Why would that bother me?

Well, because we need you to come outside and straighten out your...

I don't think so.

...the front of your home.

If you'll get me out of bed again, have you got your phone?

I'm not going to phone you when you're in bed.

No, that would be rude.

Well, you were rude to me.

Well, this is my job.

I just got out of bed because this phone got off.

I'm just doing a job, sir.

This is just my job.

Well, don't do it on my phone number.

How do you got this phone number?

Oh, it was given to us by the embassy.

What embassy?

The United States UK embassy.

I don't think the United States don't even know who I am.

So don't give me that bullshit.

Where did you get this number from?

Well, because you have a procession coming in front of your house.

Why have you phoned me?

Why did you give you my number?

Well, you're already listed here, sir.

How am I listed in the American Embassy?

Because you're a registered voter.

The United Kingdom.

I'm not.

Yes, what's that got to do with the American Embassy?

Why would you have to know my number at the American Embassy?

Well, because we have a tribute.

Well, I think you should not phone people up who you don't know.

Cunt, Mr. Cunt, listen to me.

God, he was loud.

Do you think he'll be even more pissed when he's calling back?

Yeah, probably.

He sounds like the type that will pick up the second.

He did seem very thoughtful.

Hello?

Listen, please don't call me, all right, at home,

because if I'm sleeping, you wake me up, and that'd be bad.

Yes, well, that's what you've done to me.

Well, I need my rest, you know, when I'm not working.

Yeah, well, I need my rest.

I've been working nights here.

Oh, yeah, well, I'm working.

Yeah, well, why do you phone me then?

I'm working nights here.

Do not phone this number again.

Oh, don't be mad.

I'm sorry.

I think what he meant to say was call him back.

He said, I heard him say, call this number again in there somewhere.

He said, do call this number again.

Thank you.

I'll be here 20 minutes.

Let him fall asleep.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The bottle of Jack's.

The fuck?

What was that?

The sleeping?

What was it?

The Big Agnes horse.

Big Agnes?

That was a sleeping bag, right?

The hell?

Yeah, I guess the lady repeated it like two or three times.

Hey, we haven't called them in a while.

Remember, wouldn't we just pull up pictures of panties and give them the SKU number,

and I'd say that I was jerking off to the picture?

Yeah, yeah.

You want to check out the joke of the day?

I fucking offended me.

The joke of the day, I never liked it as much as everyone else did,

but I like calling up and giving them dirty SKU numbers.

Yeah, I don't remember what I put in for the keywords.

It was like horse or something, and it popped up horse thief,

and I'm like, we got to do that.

Well, Dark Stranger would go on and put in, like, you know, plus-size bras and plus-size tops and give them those SKUs.

I remember one year, I had, like, double-A cells for, like, your fucking daughter and wife and your ass, but they were animal and shit.

Yeah.

Well, you can eat anything, dude.

All right, maybe we'll call Zappos.

Maybe we'll call Zappos.

I'm going to take a look at some SKU numbers real quick.

All right, look up SKU numbers and we'll call Zappos.

Sounds like a plan.

moving right along here tits here's big dog pizza on blair in england all right ball vagina yes hi

do you have tables there that i can sit on how many three uh just one person i want to sit at

the table i want to get on top of the table yeah sure thing yeah easy we've got lots of space all

right and do you have lots of things on the table can i kick them off or move them off or what

Menu-wise?

No, no, not menu-wise.

I mean, like, on top of the table, you have flowers, you have napkins.

What do you have on the table?

We've got candles and specials on drinks and salt and pepper shakers.

Can I just kick them out, kick them out of the way and stuff?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's easy, yeah.

All right, so I'm going to stand on top and kick them out of the way.

Yeah, no worries.

I'm going to put my hands on my hips and, like, tap dance on the table.

On the table, not so cool.

tables are more for eating

we'll see you soon then

I'm going to jump up and do a flying elbow down on the table

and break it in half

great we'll see you shortly then

oh my back my back

I have this visual of myself

tap dancing with my hands on my hips

on a table and then

drop kicking it like Hulk Hogan

and then saying

ouch my back

you have to put a combo

you don't fuck with that leg drop from hulk hogan man he would drop that leg drop on you man you

knew that match was over he never no one ever got out of that hulk hogan leg drop every every fight

hogan had on pay-per-view right he'd get his ass kicked at the beginning and then he'd do that

thing where he starts shaking his head and going no and then he'd get hit and he'd bounce right

back and he'd wag his finger like the kimbe motombo you know i'm talking about and then

And, like, the announcers, like, at that point, Bobby Heenan would be pissed off and call bullshit.

And then Gorilla Monsoon is like, oh, he's getting his Hulkamaniac reserve powers from the crowd.

And then he'd, you know, then he'd usually, you know, fight back.

And the guy would fall on the ground.

And he would do his flying leg drop.

And then he would pin him.

And that was it.

That was every single major Hulk Hogan pay-per-view fight right there.

And then he would also body slam Andre the Giant.

And everyone's like, oh, my God.

God, he picked up under the giant.

Did Hulk Hogan ever body slam Yokozuna?

Wasn't that a big thing that said Hulk Hogan?

He kept trying to body slam Yokozuna and he couldn't.

Actually, that's why I remember that in the 90s.

Yokozuna came up and it was a big sumo wrestler guy.

And Hogan tried to slam, body slam him and he couldn't.

He's like, oh, I can't.

He's too heavy.

And then that fucking guy who was the narcissist, Lex Luger, he came running.

He came running in and body slammed him.

It was like, oh, my God, Lex Luger.

He's stronger than Hulk Hogan.

didn't Lex Luger die

MSC3 Clay can tell us

Lex Luger died

I don't know

Lex Luger did he die

I think Luger did

Luger he overdosed with Elizabeth

Luger died with Elizabeth I think

right now Mikey129 says he's

alive

MSC3 Clay says

Elizabeth died in an overdose

I guess Lex Luger didn't die

Luger is not died

Luger did. Yeah, Luger's the one that body slammed

Yokozuna. That was so stupid.

They were going to make Lex Luger

supposedly, I believe he was supposed to be

the next Hulk Hogan.

He was going to be the flagship of the franchise

for WWE back then.

He got on the bad side. I don't know

if it was a money thing. I don't know.

I know there was also

I think it was Triple H.

I think he was supposed to become

the Intercontinental Champion or the World Champion

that night and he got drunk at a

bar before the

the pay-per-view the night before

WrestleMania, and he started bragging

to everybody, yeah, I'm going to be the next champion

tomorrow. Watch it. It's already scripted.

And when the

WWE brass got a wind of that,

they told him, oh, not anymore.

And they gave his part to someone else.

I'm trying to remember what that was.

I think that was Luger or Triple H.

One of those. Anyway,

let's keep going with more

prank calls. Let's talk about wrestling.

Let's talk about wrestling.

Here's the big salami in New Zealand.

this music matches this place big salami ken you want to do no fuck yeah the big salami i think

that's appropriate salami hooking out sorry sorry he's he you can't hear him well because it's too

loud there he says he says uh he wants big salami you want some big salami he said pizzas he says

oh fuck yeah big salami man like that that's what he's saying i mean you know but you can't hear

maybe he'll he can't do it loud because he has uh kids around and stuff you know but he's a pervert

He's perverted.

Ken's perverted.

Are you guys after the picture or anything?

Yeah, we're off for a bum, you know, tonight.

We fancy a bum tonight.

You have a nice little round bum?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, there you go.

What time you get out?

We'll come by.

No, I'm all right, bro.

Me and Ken will take turns waxing that bum of yours, you know?

That tight little asshole.

You have a nice virginal asshole?

Hello?

You have a tight virginal asshole?

Yes or no?

Huh?

Do you have a tight virginal asshole?

Yeah, man.

Yeah, there you go.

Fuck yeah, man.

Okay, he's just going to laugh.

Fine.

You like my Mexican version of that?

Oh, fuck yeah, man.

Dude, all weekend, starting yesterday at 420 on Sirius on the Raw Dog Comedy Channel.

It's been Cheech and Chong 420 weekend.

It's been all Cheech and Chong 24 hours a day.

Oh, shit.

Saturday and Sunday.

and I was listening to it yesterday at work

for a little bit. I had never really listened

to Cheech and Chong. I always heard

the stories. Dude, I've got all their albums.

I had to put it in PBT, man. I got all their

movies, too. Yeah, the movies I've seen,

I saw Up in Smoke a lot. I saw

all, every Cheech and Chong movie I've

seen, but I never got a chance to see them.

The things in there come from the albums, dude.

If you listen to the albums, you'll hear

when you're watching a movie, it's like listening to the album

again because you'll remember, like,

oh, that was one of them on that album, you know?

yeah dave's not here and strawberry and all but it was cool they played the music from the

soundtracks of the movies and then they played the uh all the bits and i was like yeah this is

kind of funny you know i mean i could see back in the 70s you know been the 60s and 70s when did

they start the 70s right there was guitar too man you know he played some of that music man in there

that that hendrick stuff he played that man what did he say his name was blind melon was it blind

Blind Melon what's Blind Melon Jefferson no it was Blind Melon Chitling I think or something

wasn't it oh yeah Blind Melon Chitling Blind Melon Chitling I think that's his name and they

kept putting him on I told him to take that rubber boot off he said he did

yeah anyway so there you go man that was fun I don't think it's on anymore

Clay's saying you know wrestling is I mean none of it feels good for wrestlers

Yeah, I know, like, they script, you know, like, the plot lines and stuff and the little in-between match scenes, but they're, I mean, and they script, like, major hits, major events in the match and the outcomes and all that, but those guys are still athletes.

They're still out there getting banged up, you know, they're, it's not like.

Man, I mean, they're hitting, they may not be hitting the force, right, but they are hitting, man.

Yeah, they're jumping, they're doing acrobatics, and they're fucking, you know, flipping each other,

and they're really picking each other up and slamming each other down while not hurting each other.

You know what I mean?

It's hard.

Man, drop a lot more than you realize, man, which is what probably keeps them from really getting seriously injured.

You know, when they hit that floor, man, I think it must drop several inches, man,

because it makes a loud slam, but it doesn't seem to slow them down even a little bit.

Yeah, exactly.

Seems like I think it drops a good bit and relieves a lot of shock impact.

back yeah but you're you're still hitting each other up it's probably harder than the guy hitting

you than the guy on there you know if you're on the receiving end of of whatever move you're just

got to be there for the most part but i'm sure like the other guy has got to be careful not to

you know come down fully or apply too much pressure or make it look like make it look

believable that's not how that people leveled come in there's a skill i respect wrestlers

i mean yeah it's i'm kind of like gymnastics too you know a lot of that shit is based around like

like, you know, just wild-ass street gymnastics.

Yep, there you go.

There you go.

I missed the big UFC last night,

but I heard that one redneck Gabby Tooth guy got engaged.

Forgot his name.

Henderson?

Jameson Henderson?

Something like that.

He's got a goofy name.

He looks real goofy, too, when he comes out.

He's a good fighter, man.

He's a good UFC fighter, good mixed martial artist,

but holy shit, does he look goofy.

He's a redneck.

He's a good old boy.

KDK?

No.

Oh.

Here's someone looking for a used wheelchair in good condition.

A used wheelchair being searched for in good condition

so I can sit down and ride it on the bus

and fold it up and go on the car.

You need the portable rattle, man.

All right, let's go.

Yeah, I know, Muckman.

I hear you.

Hey, look, I'm going back to trying to open my mail here

so I can get to request a prank.

Just a moment.

I threw some Zappos skews in there and shit.

Oh, shit, man.

Really?

That's that girl pulling up the side of a briefcase, man.

That's what's so cool about them.

Carissa here has a body wrap side business slash only income because her grandparents buy her everything.

A body wrap side business.

Okay.

She wraps people's abdomen with cloth-like fabric and says it takes two inches off their waist.

Okay.

Sounds interesting.

Let's see if they answer here.

This one goes for a fizz-hiffy.

Fizz-high-five, fizz-hiffy, fizz-hiffy, something like that.

Maybe I'll try to call the horse, Turkish horse, at home.

He hasn't answered the last two times I've tried to call him.

That's the same beat.

That sucks.

It's just music.

I'm not going to sit there and listen to that.

Here's Tracy instead.

Her husband, Alvin, came home with a baby almost two months ago, and it's not hers.

They have an open relationship, but I guess he doesn't wear condoms.

Very, very responsible.

Okay, here we go.

who is that enigma who is that a ball and mjg thank you three six mafia oscar winners man

yeah it's a better not a group anymore wasn't that crazy when they won that i was like oh my god

yeah they're gonna put these fucking guys on stage to get an oscar oh shit i was happy for

I was hoping.

But I think that Tupac movie, though, was nominated for the same award.

I really wanted Tupac.

I was like, I hope Tupac's movie gets it.

But if them dudes get it, that'd be funny as hell, sure enough.

It's supposed to be coming out with another documentary or movie or something about Tupac.

Is it the biopic?

I know they've been working on the biopic.

It's been in development hell for a while.

Oh, yeah, that might be it, the biopic.

Yeah, they're making a Biggie-style biopic.

Yeah.

I like the Biggie one.

The Biggie one was pretty cool.

It was fun to watch.

Yeah.

They're doing a hologram now, too, with Biggie.

Sweet.

That's a big hologram.

A lot of money.

They just finally got the right powered laser.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

You have a...

What?

What's going on?

Can I speak to Nestor, please?

Who's this?

Oh, this is Cross.

Where's Nestor?

Nestor.

Hello?

Hi, Nestor.

How are you?

I'm good.

Oh, good.

I wanted to come over there and give you a nice hug and thank you for all the nice things

you did for me, you and Virginia.

You know?

I want to give you a hug and pat you on the head and say hi.

Who's this?

Oh, this is Cross.

Cross Lopez.

Hello.

Hello, I'm still here.

I want to come and I want to just touch your head and rub your head

and say how you're nice, very good friend.

You're my nice little chicken, you know.

You're my little chicken.

Maybe I give you something to eat.

Maybe I'll put some corn on my hand and you can eat it,

some popcorn in my hand and you can eat it out of my hand.

I'll feed it to you like a little bird?

You know what?

I don't know you.

Oh, yeah, but you're...

No, you did a big favor for me.

You don't understand.

You did so many things.

I want to feed you popcorn out of my hand.

I want you to get on your knees in front of me,

and I'll feed you popcorn, little popcorns from my hand.

Okay.

Right.

Like my little chicken.

Yeah, the request to prank, when I read it, I was like,

I can't do this, to have a bitch daughter who's a spoiled brat,

Brat recently divorced and living with her parent.

Oh, the daughter was divorced.

I thought it was a kid.

I didn't want to do that.

Sorry.

I guess I could have.

All right.

Well, we did those requests for fizzy, hissy, fizzy.

All right.

And here we go.

Brad is passing on his idea, which I referenced earlier in the show, of Brad sending in information

for the people, five people who have posted their phone numbers on Facebook.

He's recommending we follow the thing he did yesterday where he says he's doing a reference

Check. Funny stuff. I thought all of them answered when he tested it. He can send more as well.

First, my name is Brandy and we're going to do a reference check on her friend, Beth. Okay. Here

we go. Yes. Hello. Good evening. This is cross. I'm the manager. I'm calling to do a reference

check on your friend, Beth Kishbach. Okay. Yes. Hi. I'm calling to do a reference check for a

A Beth Kish box.

She put you down as a reference here.

Okay.

Okay, can you confirm that this person is, well, that you know this person, Kish?

Yeah, I know her.

Okay, do you know, would you give her a positive rating on?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, is she reliable?

Yeah.

She says that you used to be her supervisor, her manager.

Yeah.

Okay, and did you, how long did you, did she work with you?

Oh, goodness.

She has here three years, three years it says.

That's about right.

Okay, good.

And then she also says that she smoked marijuana on a regular basis while she worked for you.

She smoked marijuana three to four times a week and that she drank on a daily basis,

alcohol, alcoholic beverages.

Oh, wow.

No, that doesn't sound right.

She said that in the workplace here that you folks openly smoked marijuana in the bathroom.

Hmm.

Okay.

All right, so you're saying this is a lie, that she's a liar then?

No, not usually.

All right.

So then she does smoke marijuana.

She did smoke marijuana with you then, I got her.

All right, so you two smoked marijuana a long time ago.

You've known her for a long time?

And you used to smoke marijuana together before, a long time ago?

Okay.

All right.

Did you guys have a lot of sex back then also?

so who is i'm crossing from the walmart we're doing a reference check or heard questions like

this no i i pulled up random uh checks people that paid with a check and i'm calling the

references on here okay okay so you guys had uh when did you when did she lose her virginity did

you guys lose it around the same time okay all right all right is she the type of girl maybe

Maybe that it would give favors to get ahead in the company.

Quid pro quo.

Is she pro quid pro quo?

No idea what that means.

Quid pro quo means this for that.

It's a saying where, like, I say, well, if you do this for me, then maybe you can get a promotion, you know?

No.

You don't think she would do that?

Would you?

So then what about your, was that your husband I was talking to?

Could you put him back on, please, just so I could wrap up?

Yeah, we're a little concerned here because we were doing a reference check, but it seems like your wife is lying.

uh to us about the situation so okay you guys they do it at two o'clock at night i'm pretty

upset because she said that she was her manager she was never her manager because i made that up

i made up that she was she put down that she was her manager check at two o'clock at night

because she applied she said this is the time to call that she was available for phone calls she

she says. So, Beth

smoked marijuana with her wife

a long time ago?

Alright, cool.

Miss Fairchild, I'm going to need you

to stay late again and take... Shut up, Ron

Jeremy. Ron Jeremy isn't dead. I think he

just had a stroke, but I don't think he died.

I don't know what's the update on Ron Jeremy.

Let's get that... Excuse me. Let's get that

information. Alright, so that was Beth.

Now we're doing Andy. Andy Toth

do a reference check on his friend Glenn Armstrong.

Glenn Armstrong, huh? Jeez.

Sounds like an astronaut or something.

Uh, the number is in the beginning.

I'm sorry, but the person you called has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet.

No answer there.

Next one.

Instead, a reference check on Tara on behalf of Ann Bendel...

Bendler.

Okay.

We're going to be wrapping up the show here pretty soon.

That was a callback we just got, but they hung up real quick.

Anyway.

Hello?

Yes, this is Ann.

Yes, it is.

And my name is Cross. I'm calling from the hiring manager here for the evening shift, and I'm doing a reference check on your friend Tara Wilcom-Blair.

Uh-huh.

Okay, and she has you down here as a reference. Would you give her a positive feeling, positive vibe, positive karma?

Yes.

Okay, she says that she worked for you for three years. You were her manager.

Okay, yeah.

Okay, and can you tell me, like, was she a good person?

Yes.

Okay, she has down here that she smoked marijuana several times with you,

and she said that it was an open area, the employment place.

People were allowed to drink and smoke marijuana there.

Hello?

Marijuana.

She hung up.

I'm not doing this as good as Brad did.

Brad does it better.

Hello?

Hi, Ray Canvoy.

I'm really bad at that.

Brad, I don't want to ruin those numbers, man.

I suck at that.

For some reason, I really suck at all those social engineering shits.

I wish I was good, but I's not.

I'm bummed out.

I'm a fail.

Good night, lonesome's girl, lonesome's woman.

We got a number for Tyrone, Charles, Harold, Pam, and Arnetta,

all living together in Detroit, Michigan, in the same apartment.

Nice.

This is from Lonesome Loser.

Maybe we make this the last call of the night.

I'm thinking it's time, you know?

Well, once I take a break, I mean, I don't have to be up early tomorrow.

I could go try to recharge, but...

Hello?

Sorry.

Oops.

Hello?

Somebody call this number?

Yeah, well, I mean, that was a while ago, and you didn't answer the phone.

Okay, who is this?

Oh, this is Cross.

I'm calling from...

I'm doing a reference check for a Glenn...

Do you know who that is?

Yeah, that's my uncle.

Okay, and he said here that he, uh...

Well, he put you down as a reference.

so you're saying that he's a positive person we wouldn't have a problem we wouldn't have a

problem hiring him here to be a um for well he's actually a professor um uh and i don't know maybe

he's doing an experiment social experiment or something is he like a psychology professor

what does he teach i don't get it what writing you see i think maybe he's yeah so you say he's

a pretty good professor he's well documented as a good person he said he's on a sexual

sexual offenders registry uh however would you know anything about that did he molest any children

or any of his nephews or nieces absolutely not uh did he ever touch you in your bathing suit area

and none of your do you have sisters and brothers and all that a few okay all right so and as far

as you know he never touched them in their genitalia or their private areas never had any

Any sexual that you know.

Okay.

Is he homosexual or heterosexual?

Heterosexual.

Okay.

How many times does he drink a day?

Not often at all.

Does he ever get drunk to the point where he's laughing and being more friendly than usual?

Not that I've ever seen him.

Does he get angry when he's drinking?

Nope.

He stays the same?

Absolutely.

All right.

Does he ever masturbate in the shower?

I would not know that.

Okay.

Who is this?

Is this for real?

Yeah, I'm cross.

Seems kind of sketch.

Well, no, because he's going to be also working.

We're probably going to put him to clean the bathrooms.

And the last guy we had, he would go in the bathroom and masturbate.

Well, instead of cleaning, he would start cleaning and he would get aroused.

If he saw dirty toilet paper or something, and he would start to masturbate there.

And it took him a long time because he was on Zoloft.

So it took him a long time to reach, you know, climax.

And we had to let him go.

It was just taking way too long.

He would clean it up and everything.

He would clean it up.

He would clean up the semen and sperm and the straight pubic hairs and everything.

And he would turn on the faucet.

He did it in the handicapped bathroom, and he'd turn on the faucet

so you couldn't hear the noise from the masturbation, you know?

But still, this is rude, you know?

Yeah.

So you don't think your Uncle Glenn would do anything like that,

like masturbate in the bathroom?

Absolutely.

Okay.

That sounds good.

Maybe I'll give him a call, you know?

I'm one of his students.

I'm sorry.

Don't tell him.

I'm one of his students.

Oh.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm one of his students, and I hate him.

He won't let me drop his class.

He's an asshole.

You tell him Cross Lopez thinks he's an asshole, okay?

And then pull down his pants.

You goofy fucker, man.

Why doesn't he get mad?

I did all the normal shit, right?

I talked about masturbation.

I talked about in the shower.

I talked about molesting his brothers and sisters and him.

Yeah, it was good.

I think he was into it.

Stupid.

Stupid, Ed.

It's been a stupid show.

Listen, I'm going to go, all right?

Jose, get your shit.

No, not Jose.

Jose is gone.

Damn it, Nick.

I thought you were a Jose, Nick.

Mom, I'm sorry.

Bye, Nick.

See you later, man.

Change your avatar back.

I like Larry instead of Curly.

I'm just saying.

That was a real pimp picture of Larry.

You look real pimp in it.

Yeah, I like to swap them around.

I'll change it, though.

Yeah, that Larry one, he looks like a pimp.

He's got the hat on.

He looks like a fucking gangster.

Easy G, man.

All right, man.

Take it easy.

All right, you too, bro.

I think I was a big fan of Tupac, Shakur, and the Three Stooges.

Big Ken is here.

Ken, happy birthday, son of a bitch.

Happy birthday.

Bye.

Go fuck yourself.

Birthday's over, so who cares about you?

Bye.

I cut him off because we don't care.

Milkman.

You hear, Milkman?

Hey, Milkman.

No, Milkman.

Oh, well.

Well, I guess I'll wrap it up.

And thanks to everyone who helped us out tonight and sent in numbers, including Hizzy, Fizzy, Nunu, and the Lonesome Loser, and Jose.

Yeah, everyone who was on.

Again, happy birthday to Big Ken.

Enigma joined us.

Big AMD joined us.

The Milkman was here.

Thank you.

I think that's everyone who joined us tonight.

Thank you, everybody.

everybody big shout out to cacti radio and blue planet prank radio where we've been graciously

co-broadcasting tonight we had about average of 160 listeners i'd say give or take 15 or 20

at various intervals so that was awesome thank you everyone for tuning in sorry the video feed

wasn't up as much today but i was doing private things here that you don't need to see things

Things that are private.

Carlos time only.

Y'all have a good night there, folks.

We'll catch you next week.

Backhouselive.com is the website.

Shows on Friday nights and Saturday nights and Sunday nights.

Bye.

Calls (37, 1 h 20 min of 3 h 1 min)

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