Turtle Soup

I'm not playing no fucking games, dude.

I, I fuck you, son of a bitch.

You're taking a stupid crap.

You're acting mad.

You ain't getting no goddamn dollars.

I'll fuck you all my life long.

You're my perfect.

Why don't you piss off?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

Motherfucker.

Hey.

I'm your host, Milkman.

You'll be hearing my melodious tones.

Hey, everybody.

I'm Carlito, actually.

Told you.

But next to me is Milkman.

Milkman.

It's so good to hear your melodious tones, my brother.

I know you got some awesome things in this, man.

Let me in on the secret, man, please.

The secret? The secret is shut up. Yeah.

All right, so we are here, Milkman and Carlito, to make a Madhouse show.

Thank you for tuning in. We're over at MadhouseLive.com.

Be sure to check shit out over there, motherfuckers.

yeah a lot of stuff going on over there including request a prank where you can send your prank

request over the request a prank form at madhouse live.com be sure to join our chat room if you're

not in there currently but are listening live and also big what's up to everyone listening to us on

blue planet prank radio hello guys and also cacti radio hello girls we're on kdk prank calls.com

We're on PSR.

We're on PCU tonight.

Hi.

We're on PCR.

We're on Syndicate Radio tonight.

We're on Rev420 station also.

We're all over the place tonight.

Yeah.

Blackout BOs.

We're on Blackout's box.

We're on JPEG.

Yep.

We're on GORT.

We're on AVI.

We're on GORT.

I'm going to have to post a picture of you in the GORT mobile too, man.

and we're also on usb tonight the usb network joining us for the first time

right i love me some kool-aid all right well taking a look here let's see what we got on deck

prank calls to do tonight yeah we got some jamaican restaurants

what now sir yes what's late is it purple what's laid the dupe what yeah what flavor kool-aid oh

Oh, Kool-Aid.

No, this is Cherry.

Oh, you got the red.

I was going to say red or purple.

Purple was the first.

My favorite is lime.

Always my favorite Kool-Aid.

I don't know why.

It's hard to find lime, man.

When I see lime in the packets, I'm like, fuck yeah.

I buy 10 of them.

They're 10 for a dollar, you know.

But, man, it's hard to find that lime.

But when it's there, again, and I like orange is probably my second favorite.

and then after that cherry and then grape grape is good i like grape i like a grape i always got

good things with purple man because purple jesus we used to do purple jesus back in school you

remember that man is that where you do is that where you mix the the shrooms in it and shit

that shit well there's there's a couple versions of it the original version was you know you get

a big five gallon like trash bucket you know you put your liner in it you throw a bunch of ice in

in there chopped up fruit you get green alcohol and you uh put a little bit of water in it and

you put a bunch of that purple kool-aid in it man that's pj purple jesus man and after it's

set in there for a while you eat that fruit later on and it gives you an even bigger buzz

oh wow and then purple yeah purple jesus also there's another version it's electric version

man that came about in florida man you take the boil your shrooms in it and then you pour that

that down inside in some purple kool-aid no the only problem is if you put the sugar in it it won't

last very long before it spoils it spoils quickly don't put sugar in if you're gonna do pj or just

be a man there's a finger straight so you put the shirt i never did shrooms man but like i knew all

hell they grow they go all over florida man they're all over florida man like why in the hell

wouldn't you dude if i was in florida man i would be having omelets i would be oh shit dude they're

so easy to grab too man yeah you didn't buy the like plastic little you know like grocery sack

you fool dude you could go out in one morning every morning they repop you know you could go

out one more and probably get at least five bags of those bags easily yeah well my friend he uh i

went over his house he was a friend of me and andy we went over there to his house and he was

all dressed in black like what's up with that and he's like yeah man we're going out for shrooms in

an hour you know it's nighttime we dress all in black so so the farmer can't see us yeah because

they would go out in the field in the middle of a cow pasture out you know by in seminole county

and fucking he got chased a few times and shit like he said they get here they take your cattle

wrestler or whatever man or they don't want you in on the shit well this farmer used to i guess

They said that he shot one of them, but he had put salt, I guess.

I guess you could put salt in shotguns, and it doesn't kill you.

Rock salt, yeah.

Yeah, rock salt.

No, it doesn't.

It just might kill him.

I guess he made shells out of rock salt, and he shot him in the ass,

and he just had a bunch of salt in his ass.

Yeah, man.

That farmer was nuts.

Over there by the Sanford Airport, I remember.

They used to do that shit all the time.

this had a cow pasture so it was shrooms all over but yeah they would uh put it in kool-aid and

i think once he got real bad like he said he couldn't he couldn't move at all like he was

completely conscious but he couldn't will his limbs to get up and move and shit and he freaked

out yeah it's probably better i mean you know to take him you know and eat him and stuff but like

i prefer just was drinking him man that was the best way to make that pj and i just quit putting

the pj in it and just went straight it's much better the only thing about the fresh ones is

you know is out wow dude they can pick up different uh pests uh pests like like bugs and stuff so you

gotta look them over real good that's another that's another advantage to to go on ahead and

and kool-aid them you know you know what you do you know what you do you boil some uh kool-aid

right some mushrooms and you throw in some of those uh toads the psychedelic toads i got in

florida you know throw them in a pot and then you also throw in some angel trumpet in there you know

and some uh you put in some marijuana cigarettes and jimson seed jimson seed there you go some

nutmeg a lot of nutmeg in there yeah and then you take a banana peel and you put it in there man

it's mellow yeah and you and you soak yeah and then you serve that at the party you know you put

put down a 55 gallon drum and everyone if you're real uh get care of being you know you use a

plantain yeah and then you have a bowl and everyone puts their keys inside the bowl you know

key party you got man you've been down there you was in florida don't tell me no man you was

you was down for it that's cool i was a golf coaster man so it was pretty chill we used to

have key parties all the time you know jamaicans would show up at the key party and they ruined

because they have big dicks you know and they get all the they get all the attention to the

chicks that you probably don't want to have man the chicks with the big dicks hell no man

come on jamaican girl daniel angel speaking how may i help you yeah listen we're looking to have

a key party we're wondering if you guys wanted to cater for it maybe you have some nice ladies

there to come and throw their keys in the bowl oh okay sorry um any catering um inquiries you

you have to call our new office okay do they would you any of you girls want to come down for a key

party you know what that is um any of us a key party you come to the party and everyone throws

their keys in a bowl and everyone picks a set of keys and that's who they fuck you know oh a key

party yeah okay um i can ask around where's where would this be uh well we were we were probably

gonna get a hotel room you know unless i don't know do you guys can we make a reservation for

Do you have a party room there?

Oh, no, no, no.

You would just have to reserve in our restaurant.

You can have it inside or outside.

Okay, maybe outside.

We can have a key party outside.

Ask some of the staff.

Ask if they want to come to a key party.

We'll all get naked, you know, and show our sexual organs to each other.

Oh, okay.

I'm sorry.

We don't do that here.

Well, you said you were going to ask.

Ask that person.

I'm sorry?

Ask that person that you just said thank you.

See if they want to come to the big party, this big sexual party.

Okay, I'm sorry.

This is a business.

I am not authorized to ask that kind of questions here.

Oh, what about the staff?

You know, you can ask them, not the customers.

No, thank you, sir.

Have a good day.

Okay.

That was the start to the show.

There you go, Milkman.

Key party, right?

I know you've been to a key party before, Milkman, back in the 70s.

Didn't you, dirty boy?

No Milkman response.

response he must have put himself on mute because he's just stupid uh horse 3055 says how do i know

when my prank will play did you send a request to prank horse i don't know what you're getting

at that's what my guess is my guess is a horse sent in a request to prank and wants to know

when we will do it let's check to see if we have any all right now i found my freaking button

sorry about that what'd you do were you in the menus there you're lost in the menus buddy yeah

Yeah, it popped up in the fucking – excuse my language.

It popped up in the crazy-ass menus, dude, and I got sky-fixed away.

Now I found my little microphone.

Oh, good, man.

Good.

Good, man.

All right.

Fizz Hiffy has sent in a number.

Some guy named Jack who posted flyers about a golf tournament he's involved in in Nevada.

And we're supposed to call and ask gay questions?

Assume it's for gays only.

Okay.

Yeah, man.

All right.

Golf, milkman.

Golf.

you know that's uh all right that's a white man sport go for a brown hole in one that's not a

white i know a lot of everyone plays golf now a lot of brothers play make it a gay one uh oh yeah

yeah brothers hello hello hello i got he picked up but he's i don't i think he bumped the phone

on accident he didn't mean to answer it give him a few seconds here we'll try to call him again

Yeah, Milkman, the only golf I've ever done is I went to this event once,

and it was a nighttime golf thing in Florida.

They had glow-in-the-dark.

The whole golf course was a charity event they would do annually for a radio station,

and they had glow-in-the-dark golf balls,

and they had tiki torches on the golf greens,

so you could actually go out and play at night.

It was pretty cool, actually.

I don't know.

I've never heard of that outside of Florida or outside of that event.

I don't know how they came up with that, but it was a pretty cool thing.

They had plenty of lighting out there, but it was nighttime, so it was a different feel.

And the balls were glowing in the dark.

That was pretty cool.

On the dark balls.

Yeah.

Holy shit.

Yeah.

On the dark balls.

You know what?

I always liked goofy golf, man.

That was one of my favorites back in the day.

What's that?

When you did drugs and you played golf?

Pug-pug golf?

The little tiny clubs and little tiny stunts you could do.

Yeah.

While you're on track.

Hello?

Oh, yeah. Hello. Hello.

Hello. Who is it?

Well, I'm giving you a call. I understand you have a golf tournament going on.

I do.

What's the entrance fee for the golf tournament?

It's $75. I'm at work right now. Would you mind calling me back tomorrow sometime?

Well, I was interested in this homosexual golf tournament you're having.

Is it friendly for...

Your buddy.

What?

Your buddy.

No, I'm being serious. I'm interested in the homosexual golf tournament.

he said he's at work his fissy his whatever your fucking name is oh that's what those sounds was

he works at the a bath house man on the steam bath that makes sense yeah he's at the that's

what that noise was you heard the steam being released that's okay don't be sorry don't have

a sorry where's the bag shrink eyeballs pop out i don't think he's gonna have an answer this time

i don't think so it doesn't seem to be into the golfing tournament this moment please leave your

message for eight zero one two three four and seven i wanted it i wanted it to go out that

would have been funny four and seven is that what you said yeah let me see if i can find my old uh

four you got you hit the ball when you're gonna hit somebody say four and then you get a seven

a hole in seven right

seven strokes or less

yes that's right let's do a white devil

call I guess

the devil

the devil made him do it

here comes the white devil

I'm going to call Jamaican Place

hopefully it's a black person

I got to switch mobile

what you got to switch mobile

yeah call me right back on Skype

on the Skype okay bye

I'll take this opportunity to drink some Kool-Aid

All right.

Yeah, and I hope you're all having a super-de-duper night.

Yeah, we have another Jamaican restaurant I'm going to call here.

There's also Dr. Kebab in Guam.

Dr. Kabob.

I think, I don't know, it's either Baz or MSC3 Clay.

One of the YouTube cats, I think you're both listening now.

I'm pretty sure it was one of you two cats who sent the kebab place a few years ago.

That was really funny.

Maybe we can do a follow-up call with them.

You know?

I don't have the number documented.

we're calling milkman back and we'll continue with more calls

all right hang on for jamaican all right white devil the devil named it

jamaican this is chris speaking i'm gonna help you yes hi this is the white devil and i'm calling

to speak to the owner please i'm sorry yes this is the white devil and i'm calling to speak with

the owner please hello do you want to speak to the employee the owner the owner or manager

can't do for you sir i need to speak to the manager the manager what is your name my name

is chris i am the white devil your name the white devil white devil you need a tip yes i want you

to put some stuff in your food okay what does the fart noise sound like going to be like the

like the echo part sound oh i don't know that would be weird that sounds funny

that really sounds yes hi this is the white devil and i want you to add some things to your food

hello yes hi are you hi yes i'm hi i have an additive to put in your food that will kill

black people or people black people okay is it a reservation sir yes would you like inside or

or outside? Inside. Okay. Can I get your name and your contact number? My name is White

Devil. I'm sorry? White Devil. White Devil? Yes. Okay. White Devil. I'm sorry? The White

Devil. Oh, okay. Can I get your contact number? Uh, okay, just a moment. I'm sorry? I said

it just a moment. 666. Uh-huh. Yes, it's 666. Uh-huh. 657. 666, that's it? Yes. What about the

last four digits? Extension 666. That's it, just 666. Yes. Okay, so 7-1, though, you know, you need

those first three digits, then you, is it like a 637 number, just 666? 666 is the area code.

Area code?

Yes.

Sure.

I think you probably dialed the wrong number because 71 is Guam's entire area code.

Yes, but I am on vacation.

I'm visiting.

Oh, you're on vacation somewhere else?

So when is your reservation going to be for?

Well, I'm in Guam now.

I'm from Hades.

From Hades?

Yes.

Okay.

So when would your reservation be for?

Well, for tonight if you have anything available.

Well, we do have pizza available for tonight, but will your flight get in from Haiti?

Huh?

Well, I'm here now.

I'm here.

Oh, you're here now?

God.

You're here now.

Okay, that's fine.

Not God.

Oh, damn it.

Yes, damn it.

I'm sorry?

God damn it.

Yes, reservation, please, for one.

For one?

Yes, just me.

Change it from four people to just one person.

Well, I'm going to go by myself.

I'm one, and then three other people will be there later.

Okay, so first four all together, but just one for you for now.

Yes.

Okay, so it's like a date.

Okay, if you say so.

Double date?

Okay, yes, fine.

Okay, fine, double date.

Why are you asking if it's a double date?

Make sure you bring Mrs. White Devil, all right?

Yeah, well, she's not Mrs.

She's not Mrs.?

No.

We'll just make sure she's a Mrs. White Devil.

Listen, what I'm trying to get at, listen, you, okay?

I'm sorry?

I'm coming there with three African-American guests.

Oh, I see, I see.

Okay, so just one Mr. White Devil and the rest are going to be, I think I see.

They're black people.

Oh, okay.

Okay, then.

Oh, that's fine.

And then I want you to put this special additive in their food that will destroy them.

It'll destroy their insides and corrupt them.

I'm sorry, put which one in their food?

I have a special additive to put in the black people's food, and I will be able to take control of them and corrupt them.

We don't put MSG in our food, sir, so if it's going to be MSG, I'm sorry, we don't serve MSG in our food.

No, it's not machine. I just need the person to add this to the food that they order.

You need the person that's going to take the order and you're going to give it to them?

It's a special spice, yes.

Okay, so just no MSG, sir, because we don't put MSG in our food.

It's not MSG.

Oh, okay.

In case of, like, fairy dust, sort of.

Okay, I'll just guess that we're no.

MSG controls white people, not black people.

Which one? MSG can what?

No, never mind.

Okay.

Oh, MSG is actually, you know, usually what people put in Asian food and...

Okay, yes, whatever.

Yeah, our locals, it's a big hit with our locals, MSG.

I don't need your life story.

Sorry, I just need to make it clear that at some point I will be handing the waiter a vial of liquid that he needs to put into the other people's food.

Not my food.

Your food.

And I will take control of it.

Okay, so what if we accidentally put it in your food?

Then, you know, we're just going to have a big issue here.

It won't have any effect on me.

Maybe if you could let the server know.

I'm the prince of darkness.

It won't have any effect on me for a while.

Or maybe they could sprinkle it on themselves.

No, they're not supposed to do that.

If you could just give us a salt shaker and you can have them put it in their own food, it would work that way much better.

In case we do, you know, accidentally put it in their food.

So we don't want any kind of mix-up.

Shut the fuck up.

Whoa, can I interject now? We're going to keep talking over me.

Okay, then tonight, Mr.

Mr. White Devil.

Mr. White Devil, we'll see you tonight with your other, like I said, just bring it and we'll put it in a salt shaker and you guys can put it on yourself.

salt. They're excellent.

Well, wait a minute. What if they don't like

salt? What if they don't like salt?

It has to be mixed into the food. Well, our food all has salt

in it, unless you want us to make a

It has to be mixed into the

food, damn you.

Okay. I'm sorry, but, well, if we

we do have, um, the only thing that we don't

have pre-marinated is our fish, so

You have a shit. You have

a shit. I'm sorry? You have

a shit. I'm Mr. White

Devil's assistant. I'm the white demon.

Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yes. Little white

No, I'm white demon.

Is there a man I can talk to?

A who? A manager?

A man.

A man? No.

So that's all women there right now?

Well, actually, it's mostly women, and then we have gay guys.

So I'm considered women.

Let me speak to a gay homosexual guy, please. I'm gay for guys.

You want a homosexual?

Yes, please.

Well, I'm homosexual, so, you know.

Oh, you're a lesbian?

Yeah.

Are you bisexual or homosexual?

I'm heterosexual.

Oh, you just said you're homosexual, so you're going back on that?

No, no, no.

Sorry, I think you heard wrong.

No, you said you're a homosexual.

Okay, well, I'll have your reservation, and we'll be seeing you tonight, Mr. and Mrs. Mini-Devil.

Okay, fine.

Bye.

Thanks, bye.

All right.

There you go, Milkman.

White Devil and his assistant, White Demon.

All right.

What the hell was wrong with her, man?

man. It was Mr. The White Devil.

I gotta find the devil voice.

Mr. The White Devil.

I gotta find the devil voice now.

Go through here.

Number 78. I gotta make a note of that.

78 on the mixer here.

78 speed, buddy.

I think 79 is deeper.

Got it.

That sounds like a belch there.

That's like the demon voice.

Yeah. Alright.

Belching demon.

That woman was annoying.

Okay, here we are back with the show.

That was a stupid call.

Thank you.

She thought she was cute, man.

Well, that was a good one, Breaking the Ice.

Little bitch.

She thought she was awful cute.

Milkman, did you know, you missed all of that Michelle girl, right?

The new sensation.

I only have now, I've caught it in reverse.

I guess I must have slept at some time through this.

I guess what I understand is Roy's been calling this chick.

And I mean, I heard this weird, like, kind of like slightly unbalanced woman.

And just kind of like

Kind of like going on and ranting

Somewhat about her

This and that and this is freaking me out

I had the first call

I had the first call to her asshole fuck

Last week when you were sleeping

When you fell asleep during the show

When I fell asleep oh shit

That must have happened right after I must have been conked out

I stayed out for a while

You guys was on like what four hours

It's on the YouTubes yeah we were on for

Like four hours yep at least four

I think it was about four actually

anyway i think i i think i made it to around 11 or so dude i had to be up at like four man so

that's why i think i calmed down i can't believe i stayed up that long well it's on the last last

episode to be updated on the podcast thanks to debauchee he edited that if you want to listen

it's also on youtube well she's getting warm out there calling the shit yeah tell me about it god

You should never fucking do it again.

Dr. Kavakian, how are you?

Hey, what's up?

Is this Dr. Kebab?

Yes.

Oh, good.

And I like to make an order for stupid food, man.

What would you like to order?

All right, one kebab, one beef kebab.

One ground beef?

Yeah.

Okay, with rice or side order?

Do you have tandoori?

Sorry?

Do you have tandoori?

Tabouli?

Yeah, you have tabouli, not tandoori.

Yeah, tabouli.

Well, we only have the rice.

Okay, fine.

Fine, do the rice then, asshole.

Who's this?

Oh, this is Eddie.

Eddie, why are you insulting me?

I'm sorry.

Because I got mad.

Why?

Because I got mad.

I don't like rice, and you're making me eat rice.

Well, I don't know.

You want a wrap?

You want a salad?

I don't know where you like to go.

It just makes me so mad, these people, you know?

I've had a bad day.

I lost my job last week.

I'm sorry, okay?

Okay.

All right, so what did I say?

One ground beef kebab?

Okay.

How do you like it?

With the salad or with the rice or in a wrap?

The stupid, damn it, rice.

Okay. Anything else?

Yeah. Do you have a bacon kebab?

No, we don't.

Why not? You're forcing me not to eat bacon. I don't appreciate that.

Come on.

I don't have bacon. We don't sell bacon here, sir.

Why not?

Because we don't sell pork.

Do you want to try some? Have you ever had some pork?

No, sir.

I'll give you a little. I'll bring some, and I'll let you try it.

I'll make you some ham hocks. They're the feet of the pig.

You know what I do? I put some red beans, right, and I put them in the ham.

You got to soak the ham hocks overnight because they're salty, you know.

And then you got to soak them overnight, get all that salt out of them,

and then you put those with some cilantro, all right, some tomato sauce, and red beans.

You make like a stew.

Yeah, it's good, man.

So what are you going to pick for your plate, sir?

Well, I want to make you something, you know.

I feel like we're friends now, you know.

I like you.

You're handsome.

You're a handsome boy, you know.

You don't have pork.

Do you like the pork, guys?

I don't eat pork, sir.

No?

Do you want to get on all fours in front of me and act like you're a pig?

Maybe I have you go...

You want me to do that for you?

Okay, then you do that.

I want you to get on all fours and make animal noises,

and I'll kick you in the ass, in the sides.

Yeah, and I'll show you my sexual organs.

Yeah, the ground beef.

Okay.

Ground beef kebab with rice.

Okay.

And then I'm going to show you my sexual organs when I get there, all right?

Will you see? Will you look? You want to look?

You can just look. I just want you to look at the sexual organs, you know?

All right?

My genitals. You just take a look.

Are you interested in looking and seeing them?

Well, because, you know, we're grown men and we like each other.

You want to smell?

Can I smell you?

I want to smell you. I want to see what you smell like.

Do you smell like a man?

Sorry, sir.

Do you smell good and handsome?

What do you mean, why do I want to smell it?

Why do you mean, why do I want to smell you?

Of course, you know why.

Come on.

So, are you ready to order when you come, okay?

Yeah, you take shower today or when?

When was the last shower you took?

Why are you asking all kinds of questions?

You call in a restaurant to order food and you start asking all kinds of questions.

Don't be shy.

Come on.

When do you have last shower?

No, no, no.

All I have to only ask, I reckon I'm kind of busy.

I have things to take care of.

There's not too many people.

We can talk for a little bit.

Come on.

No, I'm sorry.

I cannot.

Okay, I got to go.

Will you be my friend?

See you later.

Sorry, sir.

Bye.

Hey, how long will it be?

Oh, man.

Anything you want, sir, reminds me, Ken, that he said.

He wasn't a very friendly guy, man.

I think he was just scared that he was kind of into it there.

You know, in the back of his head, he's thinking, oh, man.

Maybe I want to do this.

Dude, we're going to have to put a permission on our network, man.

We're copying him from our Skype chat, man.

And it's like, hey, man, these are hands-off, man, until they get quicker.

Well, no, the last one, the broad, the chick, she got it.

Ken sent it in.

Ken was the one that found it.

He shared it.

That's fine.

It's his.

Okay.

I didn't know who.

All I know is all I heard was a bunch of fucking columns on Polaris.

It's like a red chat.

Like, I don't know how long this was going on.

Polaris was calling people, I heard, all over the place also.

Polaris.

He was on our network?

Yeah, he was on.

he did a show last night yeah polaris with who is that jose polaris jose sloth uh barbie pcp

jose who the fuck put him on there man your show's gonna be canceled you do that a fucking

again ken was on there fall you're all motherfucking canceled you do that again you

heard that i'm telling you nunu was sending in numbers i thought that's what i fucking heard

i was really tired and i was trying to go to sleep and i tried to listen in i recorded it too

tabachi put him on there you do that again your show is fucking canceled tabachi tabachi was on

there i don't give a fuck who it is any of you motherfuckers put him on again any of you you're

canceled kdk was on there they call kdk that is a warning that's a procedural violation of use of

the stream milkman i'm just kidding i'm just naming everyone go ahead and do that

hey i'm just kidding no one know that none of that happened take it easy all right well i'll

just tell them right now because like i'm just kidding none of that happened all right that

well easy easy just any future any future ideas let's just say that's a practice episode right

Crazy fucker

Crazy fucker was on

Also he called in

That bitch can't even call into our show

And he's gonna call into the fairies

With Polaris

Come on

None of that happened

None of those guys were on at all

That's alright

I heard Jose and somebody was calling

I think then I heard RBCP do

Like a 10 or 15

I don't know

No, but seriously, dude, I've been listening and watching.

All you guys are using the stream, man, you know, having fun.

Just be careful about, you know, like, getting excited during your call and threatening people.

Please.

Keep that in mind.

Anything like that is not good.

That will return in many folds of big problems.

Just thinking about what's been going on in the recent history of this nation and people getting blowed up and everything dang else.

Be really careful about that kind of stuff.

because that isn't attention

there's some types of attention

that you really don't need

so please be careful

guys I know you don't mean to

but really think it over

that's not a way to get out of a call

if your call's tanking you're better off to hang up

than to say something stupid like that

don't call and make fun of people

alright and don't scare people

and don't make fun of them

don't call them gay faggot

don't call them stupid

nothing like that

Only KDK, only KDK, but that's only if you're a bisexual.

Yeah, you don't go on the air and start saying,

you stupid asshole like that, you know, or bothering people like that.

That's not safe.

You can get in trouble for that, too.

That is not condoned.

Don't make anyone mad.

Don't make anyone upset.

That's a guest policy.

Listen, don't make me mad, all right?

Don't try to make me mad.

don't make me mad or try to make me laugh or anything like that who you who is this yeah you

don't make me laugh and don't make me mad okay you take it easy who is this this is eddie who eddie

are you calling where eddie takanaka hello don't you i don't want you people making me mad oh i'm

sorry but you're calling in a restaurant right now i'm calling sushi restaurant and i want to

make a reservation but i don't want to you people to make me mad don't make me angry i get mad when

When I get angry, I start throwing things at the waiter.

I don't care if it's a woman or not, okay?

Okay.

I make reservations for me and my wife.

For how many people?

For two people, for me and my wife.

Ding dong.

Oh, okay.

Are you a ding dong?

What time, sir?

Okay, let's say 5.

5 o'clock?

Yeah.

And can I have your name, please?

My name is Eddie, and I want to sit there,

and if the waiter gives me a bad time,

I'm going to bring my hand back and hit him in the face.

Okay, put that down, that if I get mad, I'm going to hit the people there.

I'm going to hit people.

All right, do you have a bathroom?

No, I don't have.

We're going to go to that outside.

I mean, you're going to use the mall restroom.

Okay, because sometimes when I get upset, I go to the bathroom,

and I put a lot of paper in the toilet, and I flush it like five times,

so the water goes all over the floor.

Okay, so I just get upset.

I do that to get even, because I had bad service, you know?

like if they'll come if you what what i said you're visiting for 5 p.m for two people okay

do you have what do you have what do you have on the table what do you have on the tables

they have flowers um we get the napkins and the chopsticks that i used to eat napkins chopsticks

chopsticks what else they have soy sauce yeah is it kikoman uh for now sir i'm kind of a little

busy but tell me and then i help you later on listen i'm getting angry you don't want me to

get angry at you right now okay you answer my questions i'll leave you alone okay you have

kikoman soy sauce or a different one uh we're using the kikoman size okay so i can maybe if

If I get upset, I might open a bottle of soy sauce.

Go ahead, sir, but I think you don't need to give us stress like that.

If you're going to come in, then just come in.

We don't take a trip like that.

I'm going to empty it under the table.

We will have somebody that serves you, and then if you don't want to serve us,

then that will be fine.

And sometimes I urinate inside the plants.

That's why I wanted to see if you have plants there or not.

I might pull my pants down and put my ass inside the plant

and push out all my shit

and all my assholes.

Sorry, sir, I didn't have time for that,

but if you're going to come, then just come.

I'll say, turtle soup.

No, sir.

I say, turtle soup, coming.

Like that.

Turtle soup.

What the fuck?

What the fuck is turtle soup, man?

What the fuck is wrong with you, turtle soup?

You're cuckooing a fucking plant material.

Turtle soup.

They're pretty delectable, though.

I love you, man.

You're my crazy son of a bitch.

I have no rhyme or reason tonight, show.

I'm just talking stupid shit.

Truffles.

Talking to calling restaurants saying if I get mad, I'm going to throw shit and clog up the toilet and take a shit in the plant and eat a turtle soup.

Turtle soup.

It also makes me laugh

when you hear the cross-connection

that's going through your mind.

How the hell that cost up

and became turtle soup

from the mouth end.

I don't know, but it's hilarious.

I guess.

Okay.

There you go.

Here's an Indian restaurant in Guam.

Indian restaurant in Guam.

I'm the master.

Indian restaurant in Guam,

milkman asshole.

Nice.

Fantastic, let me help you.

Hello, I'd like to make an order.

Sure, no problem.

Are you Indian?

Or is there an Indian person I can make the order with?

You can just make it with me.

No, Indian, please.

Our chef's kind of busy right now, so would you like to call back?

Why won't he not be busy?

Damn it.

Hi, honey.

Hi.

Can you ask him if you have bhenchod or if he can make it?

I don't think it's on the menu, but it's a special.

Most Indian places make it if you order it on the side.

Okay, bhenchod?

Bhenchod.

Okay, how do you spell that?

B-A-N-C-H-O-D?

B-A-H-N-C-H-O-D

Okay, I'll ask

And also G-A-N-D-U

How do you spell that?

G-A-N-D-U

Okay, can you ask him and let me know? I'll be right here

What is your number, please?

I'm from out of town, I don't really have a number

I'm on vacation

I don't think my cell phone gets coverage in Guam

I don't think so

Okay, no problem

Is there any way I can reach you?

Can you ask him and come back?

Hurry, come on, I'm waiting

anything please and i'm gonna come and pick up the food okay one second thank you honey

gandhi soup gandhi soup the salty protein laden soup um we don't make those right now

oh do you ever make them um i don't think we ever made them yeah oh wow okay did he understand what

they are um heard of them but i don't we don't make that so we only make some indian dishes yeah

yeah well you know yeah it was worth a try though thank you pretty embarrassed you know for asking

asking that i'm just thank you have a good day embarrassed that i made you go over there and

ask that you know no problem do you have any tandoori chicken um yes we have tandoori chicken

oh i'll have that then one of those and i'll come pick it up do you have papadums okay one

um today we don't have papadum uh shit fuck okay fucking shit really holy shit okay okay

Okay, thank you, sir.

Have a great day.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

A little bit of a...

I thought you was going to break into a quarry there for a second.

Yeah, a little bit of a fit there.

I'm about ready to pick up, so I'll be muted here for a few minutes.

Good, yeah, go pick up.

Good for you.

Good for you, asshole.

Listen, Cheetos, don't get too lippity-eyed, ain't they?

Yeah, I'm still three blocks away.

Go mute yourself, I said.

10-4.

I don't care how far away you are.

Mute yourself.

Here is a Korean restaurant.

Pochon Chicken.

I had some jasmine Indian style rice yesterday.

It was good, man.

Nice and fragrant.

Fragrant, fragrant rice.

Biryani.

No, no biryani.

Hello, I'd like to make an order for stupid Korean people and their stupid food.

Yeah.

Okay.

Do you have kimchi fried rice?

How many piece?

Huh?

How many piece?

Yeah.

Two?

Look, don't get smart with me because I'm liable to go down there and punch you and

kick you and spit on you and slap you, okay?

I can go down there and push you around, you know, and tell you what to do.

Okay.

All right.

So one kimchi fried rice?

All in rice.

Okay.

Fine.

One kimchi and one...

Yeah.

One kimchi, one rice, and you mix them together?

Oh, chicken.

All right.

Can I shit in the toilet?

Do you have a toilet?

Do you have bathroom?

Yeah.

Do you have bathroom?

Are you stupid?

What's the matter?

You have a problem?

Are you Korean?

Where are you?

Do you want me to have someone Korean talk to you?

Okay, can you wait?

All right.

Don't go anywhere, buddy.

All right, buddy?

Then why don't you answer the phone, right?

It's pretty stupid, you know?

Don't go anywhere, honey.

honey. I'm going to put the Korean on the phone. All right. Yeah. Hey, you speak Korean? No. Do

you have someone that speaks Korean there? Why? Because I'm trying to make an order,

but I need someone to translate. Korean. Do you speak Korean or no? No. What do you speak?

English. Where are you from? Why? I like to know, you know, where are you from? Philippines. Why?

Oh, you speak Tagalog?

No.

I have a PC here.

Okay.

I work for the Korean lady.

Oh, I want to make an order for a peck peck.

Hello.

Hi, stupid.

How are you?

Hey, stupid.

Do you want to talk to the Korean lady?

No, I wanted to talk to the Filipino.

Sorry?

Can you ask him if you have peck peck?

What's my answer?

I'm sorry?

Peck peck.

I can't even hear you.

It's breaking off.

Oh, fuck.

Your phone sucks.

God damn it.

I was trying to do the whole Peck Peck thing, man.

It's a real bummer, man, that I couldn't do it, man.

Because he left right when I was telling him that I wanted a Peck Peck.

What an asshole.

Anyway, Madhouse Radio, okay?

That's what this is.

Zax.

He speaks Ching Chong.

Very good, Ching Chong.

Well, let's continue here.

Let me take a look at our swap shop thing.

We got a person named Judy who is experienced and looking for a job, sitting with the elderly, and will also do light cooking and housekeeping.

Also looking for a house as well to rent, rent to own, or other options.

Need both as soon as possible.

Okay, let's see if we can get big Judy on the line here.

Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy.

your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system for to try her again

bitch your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system no answer there well hey

everybody let me play a prank call real quick whilst i uh recharge some skype credit just a

moment i'll be right back and we'll continue with some live prank calls with um 18 blondie

Um, no.

How do you know 18?

Is this KD?

This isn't the KDN, dude, because I found out on Good Word, talking to my girl on a chat

room.

No?

My boys saw you give out your number to 18 Blondie.

That's...

What chat room?

Because I don't...

Some fucking web chat room, man.

No, I haven't...

I don't go on those.

How long have you known that my girl's been doing porno shit on the webcam, man?

You're the dude that started it out?

No, I don't know anything about this, man.

Because I know you're, if you're the guy that's running this website, so help me God, man.

When I put the lawsuit that I'm going to put on you.

Dude, hey, hey, hey, hey, could you please listen to me?

Hey, jackass, I'm calling the shots, all right?

Okay, can I please say something?

I did not, I know nothing about a web cam site or anything, okay?

I did not go on there.

Somebody could have put my number on there.

I did not, okay?

I'm 15.

I did not go on there, okay?

Can you please trust me?

Well, I've traced your IP address.

We got the proof on your IP, man.

I saw her doing something on the video cam with some fucking dildo shit.

Well, I don't know where she got that.

Are you the guy that bought it for her?

Because she said some guy online bought it for her.

And I look at the screen.

You're giving her this phone number telling her to call you.

No. Well, what happened, I know what you're talking about, but it was not me, okay?

It was on my computer, but it was not me, okay?

It wasn't you.

It was not me, but...

They gave you...

No. Can I explain?

What happened, I was at school with my laptop.

and somebody got a hold of my laptop I don't know who okay they knew it was my

laptop and I don't know who it was but they started giving it to another person

or somebody called me I'm trying to figure out what's going on and they gave

out my number to a whole bunch of different people and I'm trying to figure

this out so you know it says right here look listen it says right here I want to

blank you like to blank in doggy style how old are you I want to blank you now

Can I blank you now do that? Yes. This is really my this is really me

This is really my phone number and it gives your phone number out right here. Oh, that's that's what I would I'd never say

Someone said sir. I have something to tell you Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC and we're doing a show about

Children break up marriages. Okay. Well, can I please well, I didn't have anything to do with this

I didn't say anything like that

But you know, I am gonna I'm trying to find out who's doing this

Dirty

Dirty pictures on the computer machine?

No, but I don't anymore. I did, like, a long time ago with friends, but I don't do it anymore.

With friends? So you got together and looked up porno pictures on the computer?

it's like years ago years ago you looked at well we were together and it was like a pop-up thing

because people aren't supposed uh people your age aren't supposed to look at porno

it was a pop-up that's like buying um that's like buying cigarettes son it was a pop-up though there

wasn't your parent because i don't know i don't i don't know you don't know well you're free to go

okay is anything i mean am i have to go through anything or well you're going to be on you're

you're part of the report okay this is going to be an nbc radio about predators like yourself who

break marriages up on the internet okay well um i'm going to try to figure this out figure out

who this is i'm going to talk to them because you know let me know but okay if i find out who

if i find out who it was call you um and let you know what i even find out because i didn't

okay stop son you got it i talked to the d.a and everything is going to be all right i don't want

da the district attorney i'll talk to the d.a and i'll smooth it over to be cool okay thank you

Yeah, because, you know, I'm the guy on the TV, so I'll work it out.

Don't worry about it.

Okay, bye.

I got to go.

My mom's calling me.

Until I say hi, all right?

Okay, bye.

I got to go.

My mom is calling me.

That was funny.

Yay.

Madhouse Live, Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you!

Fuck you, fucking penis!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

All right, we are back.

Let's continue with the show.

Thank you for listening to that prank call.

while i fix that shit okay we got for sale new red lace boy short panties for five dollars i'm

selling a brand new with tag still on it red lacy boy short panty size is large okay note i do have

other panties available email me and i will send pictures all right let's give a call here this

This number about the panties, talking about all the panties.

We love panties on this show.

It's a big topic on the manhouse.

Hello, please state your name after the tone, and Google Voice will try to connect you.

Eddie.

Yes, hello.

I understand you have some panty machines for sale.

Yes, I do.

All right, these are new.

Oh, yes, they are.

Stone bags.

Okay, and were they yours or a wife's, or what exactly?

No, I used to run a lingerie business, and I closed them down,

and it's just left over stock.

Do you have any panties that have been worn?

No, I do not.

Are you married or are you single?

No, I'm single.

Oh, that's too bad because I was thinking if you had a wife,

you could maybe give me some of her panties and I'd pay you extra money, you know?

Nope, sorry. Single. Still looking for the right woman.

Do you have a sister or anything?

No, I don't. Only child.

You have a child? Or you're the only child?

No, I'm the only child.

You don't have any friends, maybe?

You can ask if I can buy their dirty panties and stuff?

No, I don't have any of that word.

I can ask them that, sorry.

Oh, well, I understand.

You know what I mean about dirty panties, how they're nice, you know?

To think about how they've been worn before and smell them and stuff.

Hello?

Well, that didn't work because he doesn't have a woman because he's a gay.

The subscriber you have called is not available.

Okay.

okay yeah bad's bringing up a story from a few years ago where there uh there was this punching

bag for sale and people started reporting online that if you opened them up or if you broke them

they were filled with panties inside there were stuffed with panties and not just any panties but

dirty used underwear and panties uh yeah we did a i did a call when that news broke i did a call to

uh costco they were being sold this particular brand was being sold at costco i believe and if

i remember correctly we did we did do a prank regarding it we call the costco in hawaii ask

asking them about the uh the panties god that was a while ago that was a long time ago that was like

2008 maybe remember i kept telling the guy i wanted to make a soup a dirty panty soup and i

i use that idea later on that was the first time i ever used that uh mikey129 what happened to

poker room alt yeah al in the poker room i know he had a heart attack and he was gone for a while

but that was years ago too hollywood used to like calling him poker room did al that's how he

answers he sounded like it was a black janitor yeah yeah that was that was good stuff poker room

did al i think i said that to him like oh baby lord please he's like all right i want to hear

hear that now god damn it i haven't heard that in a minute see if i have it poker collections

poker face yeah i don't know that there is i don't know that i have poker room i know what i know i

have it edited somewhere man poker chips no man there were these prank calls i did to a poker

room i forgot what casino in vegas and it was a black guy called al

yeah it's like you left your diabetes medicine in there no no poker collections i know what

poker collections that's the the woman at pokerstars.net that i try to collect on her

she does the show on fridays pretty good though she does some pretty good call when she is funny

yeah that's what i was talking about that real bad voice man okay stupid okay okay all right

that was a funny one hey man this is cool man that was my one of my best customers dude that

That guy just tipped me $107.

And it's kick.

Bachelor Party Daycore.

Seriously, he tipped me $107.

Man, this guy is, like, cool.

I've been picking this guy up for several years, man.

He's always worth picking up, man.

All right.

Cool, man.

Congratulations.

Thank you for stopping the show to let us know that you're rich.

All right, so someone sent in a bachelor.

I'm not rich, dude.

I earned it, man.

Trust me.

Someone?

The milkman earned it.

The milkman gets a cup there.

Someone's sending in numbers for a Bachelorette party decor for $40.

What does it include?

Well, six-foot inflatable penis called the Tyrone.

Doll?

Tyrone, the inflatable penis.

An inflatable blow-up doll.

That's right.

The Mexican ring toss.

Aye, aye, aye, aye.

Water gun.

Bride-to-be signature rubber.

Double-sided dildo.

Geez, game.

A double-sided dildo game.

Dildo.

The mariachis.

Saying that they were practically new, were only used as decoration.

Okay, cool.

Let's give a call here to the dirty woman.

She's got dirty stuff.

Yeah.

That's not the biggest tip I ever got.

The biggest tip was over $400.

Your mom.

Hello?

Yeah, hey, happy Mother's Day.

I'm calling about the bachelorette party decor.

core hello she hung up because i said happy mother's day seriously what a bitch that's

awesome happy mother's day happy mother's day i'm calling about the inflatable penises

your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system nine one five anyway oh

yeah i wanted to mention next week no show next week milkman no show no show kahuna show no show

show next week it is the it's mother's day and it's the anniversary of my mom's passing one year

anniversary last year it also falls on mother's day i don't think i'm going to be in the mood to

do a show i got other things planned yeah whatever who cares but no show next week an observation

fly the prank call flag at half mass next week for big mama tribute all right let's do the next

next one i really wanted to talk to you about that inflatable penis that really sucks someone

else find an inflatable penis for sale damn it let me try one more time they figured the milk

like thoughts i don't know what it was something there just didn't click yes hi i'm sorry we've

seen them be disconnected you have some things for sale uh you have the wrong number you don't

have an inflatable four foot penis i'm sorry you have an inflatable four foot penis for sale that's

listed online no why not is it because i'm colored you don't want to sell to me you can't do that

you have no idea what you're talking about you have bachelorette stuff for sale bachelorette

party i don't know why does it say here that you have bachelorette party stuff for sale

why i have no idea what do you have for sale i don't know what the hell you're talking about

you have things for sale you have an inflatable black man named tyrone a blow-up doll and you

you have a blow-up penis it says i wanted to put the inflatable penis on top of my car

like drive down drive around you know with inflatable penis you can play lady gaga really

loud sorry i really don't know what the hell you're talking about so you seriously have no

idea about inflate do you have do you know anyone who might have or know where i can get

like a large inflatable penis porn stores you think they have four foot long penises like a

a four foot big one i can fill with helium and let it go yeah okay yeah maybe i'll do that maybe

i'll have to call us you know anyway do you like sex okay goodbye do you like sex tell me come on

me driving down inflatable penis on top of my car this is what i would play yeah i don't know

let's say copy the wrong number i don't think i did actually i think i did i think that normally

lonesome puts the number at the end of the description i think on this one he put it before

That's us, this song

It's a good rap song, I like this

One of the best rap songs of 2009

I'll try it again

Poker face

Looks like we're having Skype machine problems

Actually

Give me a moment, have to restart Skype

Just a moment

getting milkman back on hey had some issues had some issues there with the sky piss

oh sky piss went down i thought something happened i thought it was mine sky piss on windows pista

all right let me try to call this woman back big news out of the bbc in england a new kid

touching named stewart hall all right shut up hello yes hi i was calling about do you have

Do you have an advertisement for an inflatable male sexual part?

A what?

Do you have the advertisement for an inflatable male sexual part?

Yeah.

Do you need one?

Yeah.

Actually, yeah.

I call someone.

You probably need a big one, right?

No, don't be stupid.

Did I talk to you already?

Because yours is really little, right?

No.

So you need a really big one?

It's in Craigslist that you're selling male sexual parts.

Right, right.

Right. Oh, because you want to put one in your boyfriend's ass? Is that why?

No.

No?

No, I'm just...

Oh, in your own.

I'm just looking for...

In your own ass.

I'm just looking for decorations for a party.

Right.

Why are you so mean? Why are you being mean and angry? Jesus Christ, what a bitch.

Tell her we want to put it in her ass.

What a bitch.

Excuse me?

I need it, man. We'll just do it for dress.

You guys close?

Boop, boop, boop.

Get there.

Boop, boop, boop.

Gonda's Indian Restaurant. Here we go.

11.30 at the top of the hour, we'll be opening the Skype machines and having our friends on.

You know, Jin Stewart told me earlier in the week.

Talked to him.

He said he wanted to be on tonight, and he didn't show up.

Asshole.

Yeah, from London.

Asshole.

Yeah, so I'd like to make an order, please.

We don't open for lunch.

Do you open for dinner then only?

Yeah.

Okay.

Do you have banchan on the menu?

No, we got mother chow.

Okay.

Okay, is that your mother who we can chode?

That's what I'm hoping.

No, your mother, man.

I'll fuck her up so that she doesn't produce a baby like you're getting, you son of a bitch.

Does she have sexy legs, your mother?

Do you want to come suck my dick tonight?

No, just your mother.

I need the lubrication, man.

Okay.

So that your mother could get an easy fuck.

So then you can fuck your mother?

You want me to spit on your cock?

Madarchod.

Bhenchod.

I wonder what's worse, bhenchod or madarchod.

hello

no listen buddy

what's worse moderate chode or bhenchod

which one was worse

he hung up

he answered for one quick last insult

oh boy

I like how the beginning of our conversation

was me yelling asshole into the phone

already he was like what the fuck

hello

bhenchod

thank you

thank you for being an asshole

bhenchod

it there we go you asshole fuck you okay nunu nunu reminding us again that there is a filipino

restaurant or rather when we call filipino restaurants order pag pag they have it in

manila it means chicken leftovers taken out of the garbage and recooked and sold and really poor

people for like five cents okay wow that's really sad that's very sad pag pag man sometimes you get

Gotten to move for a little bit of pag-pag, you know?

Keep it ghetto.

I'm not above having a little bit of pag-pag.

That bacon grease sandwich, you know?

The bacon dripping.

All right.

Well, here's...

Can we do a Jack Masterson sometime soon?

Sometime soon, Milkman.

Sometime soon.

We had some Jack Masterson.

I really missed Jack.

We had some last week, I thought.

Didn't we have Jack last week?

Or the week before?

I know, but we don't have it as much.

Jack was calling the Kmart two weeks ago

and asking for help in the bathroom,

and pulling down his zipper in his pants, if I remember correctly.

So, okay, maybe we'll bring it back.

Okay.

How about Jack Valente?

Jack Valente is just me talking, dude.

What do you think Jack Valente is?

The only thing about Jack Valente is me saying my name is Jack Valente.

He hasn't done a call for a while.

Usually Cross does most of the calls.

Well, Eddie's been doing them lately, too.

Not Eddie Garcia.

I like Eddie.

I miss Eddie, man.

Fuck Eddie.

Eddie doesn't work here anymore.

Oh, you like the panty dropper, too?

That's the stupidest thing ever

That's it

I gotta post that picture of you in the gourd

Listen I wanna make an order

I don't want any stupid problems

Hello

That was mean

Sorry

She's rather short lived

Anybody who likes panty dropper

Who thinks it's funny

You can go shove it up your ass

You shove a panty dropper in your ass

Panty dropper

I'm gonna delete that from the archives right now

Well make sure I get a copy of it for you

No you all better download it now

On the website

site because it's going to be gone for the end of the show i'm getting rid of penny and i'm going

to take it out of the show uh the madhouse shoutcast rotation and everything it's gone

motherfucker asshole shit mother bunch hood that always happens every time i like something

listen asshole i'm noticing that we're we're we're at 71 now where we're pegged out at 75

users listening actually we're back to 75 now on the uh madhouse show about four of them well

Well, so I think I'm going to have to get some more seats there.

We've got a lot of people listening on the Madhouse.

We're running out of slots.

We're running out of slots, yeah.

They're all Uniques.

How many of them are Uniques?

That's awesome.

That means we're the best fucking show ever.

That's why.

We're the best fucking show ever.

How many Uniques are all Uniques?

It looks like they're all Unique, according to this.

There's 68 Unique out of 72.

72 there's four non-uniques i mean there's four people probably recording it and listening to it

the same time that's cool i was gonna say there's a stream rippers so you probably got a stream

rippers or listen on two computers i'll split up and i wouldn't be surprised at all i think i think

i know lonesome rips the stream i know that uh what's his face tabachi does i do

i know that i'm ripping it right now yeah there you go that's that's where the

four of them come from so there you go all right so technically that drop box is just i can't i

don't know why is it so slow to upload man i mean i've tried to send that call i don't know how many

times and every time i go to bed i get up in the morning it says flash error there's nothing it

never loads it only loaded up like one small ass piece of car the only way to do it is that's the

The other reason I've been trying to get a hold of you is a lot to do a direct file transfer.

You're online, I'm online, I shove the files over to you.

Because I got a bunch of them there and you requested.

Okay, cool.

Yeah, they're mentioning the YouTube channel.

Yeah, if you're listening now and you get dropped or you're on a mobile device and you lose connection

and you can't get back in for a little bit on the Shellcast station,

listening to it on shoutcast or on our or on tune in radio uh right the youtube channel

is live and that handles quite a bit well it's pretty i think it's the same quality

audio might be a little better but it's it's kind of um kind of not modulated it's kind of

not encrypted what what is it what's an mp3 due to audio is it you know where it brings it down

what is it what is it it reduces the dynamic range yeah but what's the term i'm looking for

milkman you know what i mean like the you know how a wave file is lossless but mp3 does something to

the file oh oh oh yeah yeah it's not a lossless codec it's a loss it's a lossy codec yeah there's

a fucking so you're only getting part of the signal dude i'm just saying there's a fucking

term for it i don't i forgot what it is there's a term for what m uh an mp3 does to the audio

The same thing happens on VoIP, where the phone...

I'll remember it.

Compressed.

There we go.

Lonesome.

It's compressing it.

It sounds a little more compressed on YouTube.

I just said limits the audio frequency, right?

Compression is limiting the audio frequency, right?

Didn't I say I'm looking for the term?

God, man.

I was looking for...

You gave me the description, and I'm looking for the term.

Pendejo.

You don't listen.

See?

see but this is remember you've got to give you got to get the description before you give the

term man that's jeopardy milkman go get me some ice cream all right sugar-free ice cream would

you all right thanks man appreciate it not vanilla so tired of vanilla ice cream strawberry

bullshit hello yeah listen do you have desserts there honey hello do you have desserts there honey

you have desserts honey honey baby do they have desserts milkman do they do indians do

do desserts i don't think they do desserts at all assholes oh no not at all not sweets or just

well i know bullshit because bullshit because that last job i had with all the indians they

made a dessert you've never had chat hello yes hi i was calling but there's a stupid woman there

who doesn't speak english answering the phone yeah we don't know how to speak english you know

oh why not what happened yeah we don't know you have to get an interpreter you know okay i like

I'd like to make an order for Bhenchod.

Sorry?

I'd like to make an order for the Bhenchod.

Yeah, you put it in your own.

Okay.

All right.

You put it in your own.

You're a Gandu.

You put it in your own and you'll have a lot of fun.

Okay?

Chicken bitch.

If you don't need help, I'll give you help.

Chicken bitch.

Do you need help?

Yeah, with your face.

I can screw it in very well.

You can screw it in ways in.

Okay.

Oh, screw it, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you're going to screw your mom while I watch?

Bhenchod, you're going to screw your mom, Bhenchod, while I'm watching?

No, no, no.

No, as you're saying, as you're saying, I'm going to listen to you like this,

and then your mind will go crazy.

Have you got any answer?

Matter chod.

Have you got answer?

I said to you, what I said to you, did you understand?

No.

Nothing in the world wasn't bad, nothing in the world.

Nothing in the bad wasn't bad, nothing in the world.

Yeah.

That's what a stupid Indian asshole says.

Yeah.

Okay, have a good sleep, good night.

Okay.

Go to hell.

That felt very good.

You will learn a lot of things from me.

Okay, shit.

Give me your number.

No.

I can send you some.

I've got one guy.

You know who helps with everything.

Oh, what are they going to do?

They're going to shit in their hands and rub it in their face.

All right.

I've taken your number.

I just pressed the star button.

And I'm going to get your number and send someone over there, okay?

Okay, I'm sure.

He will teach you how to do it.

And then I'm going to go over there, and then I'll fuck you.

Okay.

And I'll teach you how to fuck.

All right, I've got your number in the screen now.

I'll teach you how to fuck.

You will have big trouble now, okay?

I'll teach you how to fuck.

Okay.

Okay, bye.

Hey, buddy, how are you doing?

Hey, what are you doing?

All right, man, how are you doing?

hey how are you doing milkman hi tell your customer how you doing for us because we're

listening to you why the fuck aren't you muted i don't know hey asshole customer i really hope

milkman had me on speaker because i would have been awesome right there

hi asshole customer i don't think that guy said what he said he said all right i don't think he

does he says something different is what he said well here's something i wanted to bring up i want

want to start a madhouse wiki again a good one this time where we'll we'll have wiki entries

but just for like characters on the show and pranks that we've done you know like we'll have

jack masterson on there and it'll explain his fucking problems you know stuff like that hit

me up if you're interested in contributing to that now let's see if i could set that up this

week big ken sending in numbers also including a penis statue in san francisco right

penis statue let me look that

up here penis art statue made from resin or liquid fiberglass accepting offers for penis art do you

love it it can be yours 18 inches tall long 17 by 12 inches base all right cool well let's give

them a call then buddy dude gotta gotta love san francisco coming in san francisco contributing

Contributing tonight with their penis statue.

Thanks to Big Ken.

Soon Milkman will join us again.

After he's done with his asshole customer.

Asshole stupid fucking customer.

He can't come to the phone right now.

Bullshit.

Crazy fucker will donate 250 grand to our project.

There we go.

Problem solved.

We're good.

Thank you Mr. Crazy fucker.

Our benefactor.

Yay.

Making money.

Let's try that penis art again.

Penis art.

She didn't answer in there.

God damn it.

New song.

once again i've yelled on the microphone to scare you all i had a question if any of you in the chat

room listening have had an opportunity to play a game called fez i've been wanting to get it i

started following it when it was out for xbox uh xbox live but i do not have an xbox but i saw

information on it looked like a really kind of fun game and i had seen that they were planning

I'm releasing it for iOS and Microsoft Windows.

The Windows version came out this week.

It's on Steam for $9.99.

I'm thinking about buying it.

I watched a whole bunch of YouTube videos earlier in the year.

It looks like a really cool fucking game.

It looks kind of fun.

In a homebrew kind of game way.

I downloaded the soundtrack for it.

It's kind of interesting.

Kind of techno-y, kind of 8-bit sound.

Like a mix.

few of them a few different styles together it's pretty good yeah man anyway so let me know if any

of you have tried that game let me know if you liked it or not okay okay bye milkman i guess

still with his customer let me go back to lonesome losers see what numbers he has uncle jay's uncle

jake's rather uncle jake's fried and barbecued chicken in australia here we go okay sorry hello

Hello, how are you, honey?

Hi.

Hello.

You good?

Hey.

Hey, you good, boo?

Hello.

You all right?

Hello.

Hey, how you doing?

You hear me?

All right.

All right, good.

I wanted to make an order.

You want to order?

Yes.

What would you like?

Barbecue potatoes.

Barbecue chicken?

Potatoes.

Potato?

Yeah.

Large?

You put the potato in the barbecue.

Say you want to bake dinner.

What?

What about dinner?

Yeah, bake dinner.

Yeah, this is dinner, honey.

You know?

put a barbecue turn the barbecue on and put the potatoes in there hello yeah fuck i don't know if

it's bad quality or skype or an internet issue i don't know what's going on let me try to reskype

restart skype again yeah you know might as well take a break right yeah maybe i'll take a break

because uh i want to i want to i want to use the restroom and get some more water here

so i will bid you adieu for a few minutes in the meantime we'll play a prank call i'll get up and

stretch open up the door here it's really warm inside this office room right now it's fucking

killing me man good god i don't know what's going on uh maybe i should just open a window it's kind

of cool i can't believe how cool it is this year in may it's like freaking may dude i woke up today

well i got out of work this morning it was still fucking like in the 50s i don't get it anyway we

We'll play the Bruno Anthology here.

I'll be back in about five minutes.

Sorry to do this, but there.

I'm human.

Be right back.

Thank you.

Bye.

12.50 a.m.

Black Friday.

Yay, Bruno.

I don't know.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

I don't know.

Yeah, look, man.

I was holding on the other line, and that whole music just sucks.

Can you disconnect the other line and come back to me here?

Because it costs me double minutes on my cell phone when I call a national song.

Okay, sir.

sir. Is there anything I can do for you? Well, we need to discuss. I'm a lawyer. I'm a big,

serious lawyer. You need to discuss. First, you need to be polite, and you need to explain

yourself. We've been talking together for something like five minutes. You haven't said

anything about what's going on. Now, I have other things to do, sir. As I said, if you have any

Any complaints to do about the reservation or something, send us an e-mail, a letter.

Listen, listen, I'm stuck.

I have my duty to do.

I have some other things to do, so please, please.

If you have any problems.

Shut up and let me answer.

If you have a duty to make, I told you, go make a duty in the bathroom and come back.

I need to talk to the manager who's in charge because I'm stuck at the airport.

I am not the manager.

He's not here before 9 o'clock, sir.

I got into a fight with my wife.

I shook her.

Put a man on the phone.

I put my hands on each of her shoulders.

On each one, I put one hand and I shook her.

And I said, shut up, shut up, shut up.

And she left.

Hello?

Bruno?

Hello?

Listen, is it a woman you're trying to have relations with that you can't talk to me?

I mean, if it's cool, I'll call back in 10 minutes or whatever.

Or is it a man?

It's okay if it's a man.

And if you're having a relationship with a man, then I'll call you back when you're done.

Hello?

Yes.

I'm listening, but as long as you're not saying something interesting, I probably won't be answering you.

Okay, but are you busy now? Do you want me to call you back when you're done?

Because I'm stuck here. I can't leave.

I cannot have any help if you don't explain to me what's going on.

I have reservations.

Stop talking about women, your wife, or whatever. Just tell me what's wrong.

Okay, listen.

Do you need help, or do you just need someone to insult?

If you want someone to insult, I can give you several numbers, please, to hear you.

I'm going to ask you about that later.

But right now, I just want to say, Lord, please forgive me, and please allow Bruno the patience to do.

And, Lord, I apologize for being rude to your humble servant, Bruno.

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, amen.

Okay.

Bruno, I had reservation machines for spaces, two spaces today.

Today, my wife and I, we got into a fight because you people didn't send the shuttle to come pick us up, okay?

We didn't send any shuttle.

We never send any shuttle to pick anyone up from the hotel, sir.

My agent was supposed to make arrangements for a shuttle to pick me up from the hotel.

Yes, but if you say that with your agent, there's nothing we can do.

I called him.

It's a holiday.

It's a holiday in the United States, okay?

Number one.

Number two, I just fired him because I got into a fight with him on the phone,

And the last thing he said to me was that to call you people, that you people were in charge.

That you were supposed to make the arrangements to send a taxi cab and all this stuff.

So I don't know why.

I just know that I need to get, we need to find my wife.

I need to get a car over here.

We need to find my wife.

And then we need, you guys got to check me in as quickly as possible.

Because I need to get my sleep.

I have to do a dissertation tomorrow afternoon.

I need to have my rest.

You people drop the ball again, buddy.

Again.

Because I don't deal with human.

And this is what I get.

I get this.

Treatment, everybody, everywhere I go, they say, oh, well, it's the way you are.

Well, you know, God damn it.

God damn it.

And I don't want you to tell me you don't have my reservation in your computer machine

because if you don't, I'm going to lose it again.

I'm going to make insults.

So you need to get on your computer machine now and you need to confirm that you have my two spaces for Valente

because if you don't, I'm going to be upset.

Upset, and I might say things that are not good.

I might say bad words.

I might scream.

I might cause a scene here.

What agency did you make the reservation with?

Valente and Associates.

It's my company, man.

I don't have no one under your name in the reservation.

Nothing.

Speak American, right now.

Speak American.

I command you.

Listen.

Listen, listen, on the name of the United States, you're required under the U.N. Charter of the United Nations to translate exactly what you just said right now.

I'm a lawyer and I know this stuff, so you tell me exactly what you just said.

I thought you were a travel agent.

I'm a travel agent.

How dare you?

You know who I am.

I'm a United States Senator.

Sir, any, how do you say?

I'm going to, oh, God.

Any complaints or any sort, I'll give you an e-mail address to write it.

Listen, I don't care about that.

I just need to get my ride to your hotel, and I need to go to bed as soon as possible.

Well, as long as you don't have any confirmation number,

it means that you didn't make any reservation.

It means that we don't have any rooms for you.

You fucking monkey shit.

You're a monkey who takes a shit in his pants.

You come in the hotel, and we'll give you a room, sir.

We don't have any reservation under your name, sir.

How many fathers do you have?

Doesn't matter, sir.

You have forefathers.

Excuse me, it's been too long.

It's almost 20 minutes that we're talking together.

I am off of my duty.

You took a duty?

As I said, rub it on your face now.

And everything will be fine, sir.

A monkey rubs his face in his duty when he's done.

Yes, I know.

I'm a monkey.

You told me that 20 times, sir.

Good.

I wish you a good day and have a good day.

We have nothing else to discuss.

Thank you.

Thank you, Milkman, for laughing over the prank call.

As always, thank you for ruining a good prank call.

I know, man.

And I'm your fan.

And Rick.

And Rick, yeah.

Oh, I've got the eyes.

Hey, where's Bruno, that fat fucker?

Sorry?

That asshole Bruno, where's he at?

Bruno is not here for the moment, sir.

Listen, woman.

Bruno was supposed to send me a car over here to pick me up at the airport.

I'm at Charles de Gaulle fucking gay airport.

They're going to bring me down, and that fuck didn't do it, did he?

Where's my car?

Tell me right now.

But what's your name, sir?

This is Valente.

Bruno was supposed to send a car machine down here to pick me up at the airport, Charles de Gaulle Airport.

But Bruno, my manager, the front office manager, Bruno, hello?

Whatever, the guy who was talking to me when I called this same stupid number earlier, damn.

A French guy named Bruno.

He's effeminate.

You know who I'm talking about?

A feminine man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I understand.

But hold on.

What's your name, sir?

Your last name.

Do you have a booking in this hotel?

Yeah, I do.

So what's your name, please?

This is, uh, my name is V-A-G-I-N-A.

Oh, let me check.

Huh?

Hello?

Yeah, yeah, I'm here.

Don't, don't, don't shout at me.

Hey, don't get fresh with me.

I don't need this thing.

What's this about, you talking to me like that?

Eh, woman?

I'm a man.

Why are you, what is going on, man?

Call me back from...

You're shouting at me.

You don't have to talk to me like that, right?

No, wait a minute now.

You don't talk to a man like this.

I'm a man.

Wait, wait, wait.

Behave.

You behave.

Hey, you just go use your computer and fix this right now, woman.

Let me try to help you, but don't be so rude with me.

No, just listen.

Your job is to be pretty and use a computer and fix the problem.

That's it.

That's okay.

Okay, I will be pretty with you, but don't be like that with me, sir.

Well, don't tell me.

You don't.

Excuse me.

You want to be pretty?

Ted Burr.

Pretty little girls tonight.

All of us milk, ma'am.

All right.

All right, let's call a Filipino restaurant.

Hurry, before they close.

They're about to close in five minutes.

Five minutes.

They may not even answer.

Yes, hi, I'd like to make an order for a pag-pag.

For what?

Pag-pag.

Actually, we're closed now.

No, you have five minutes.

Five minutes you have.

Yeah, the kitchen is already closed.

It's Sunday.

Can I have peg-peg?

What is that?

Peg-peg is, you know, I can have my parts inside you.

I put it in your ass.

I don't have it at the restaurant. I have it in my house.

Okay. You want to get with me?

I saw you before. You're a nice, handsome boy.

What is that?

You're a nice, handsome boy. I'm looking for peck-peck.

I'll have your ass instead, you know?

Well, I don't mind having you, but how are you going to get here?

Well, can you wait for me there?

Well, I don't know you.

So what? So what, man? Come on.

Let's have fun. Let's be dirty and sexy and hot and horny, you know?

Well, are you horny or something?

Yeah, I'm very horny.

Yeah, very horny.

What nationality are you?

I'm from Nicaragua.

Oh, I see.

You like?

I like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, man.

Are you Filipino or what are you?

Yeah, Filipino.

I'm Filipino.

I like, I like Hispanic people.

Oh, good, man.

Then we can fuck, you know.

Are you a top or a bottom?

I can be top.

I can be bottom.

Oh, you be my bottom, right?

Huh?

You can be my bottom for me.

Bottom for me, you know?

I guess.

All right.

And then my friend, Baz, he's going to drive a car.

He's going to drive me down in his van to pick you up.

We can go wherever you want.

We're going to drive him down.

Oh, no, I don't like to go out.

My house is only half a block away from the restaurant.

Oh, then he's going to bring his van then.

He's going to bring me there.

I'll pick you up.

My friend's going to pick me up, and he's going to take me to go see you.

Oh, I guess, well, I don't want to go out.

Okay, well.

I just want to go, I just want to go home.

What if we sit inside, what if we go inside the van, you know, in the back of the van while he's driving around?

Oh, no, thank you.

I don't do that.

I'll fuck you in the van.

No, I like to be fucked in my bed, in my house.

Oh, okay.

That's very nice.

Can we meet you at your house?

Well, give me your number.

I'll call you back.

I'm just closing up.

Okay, we have big ding-ding.

that's nice I like that yeah you sound like it yeah well this is the restaurant

number so if you want me to give you your number I'll write down there I'll

probably call you later okay all right yeah sure you ready okay honey baby my

name is eddie eddie all right what's your number it's uh what is uh this is area where is this at

i'm from las vegas but i'm on vacation yeah he's visiting me yeah i'm visiting you're here in

seattle yeah okay well i'll call you back okay honey baby because we're closing up right now

oh hurry up man and then you know i'll pick up some drugs you know and everything

marijuana I don't do that okay it's legal now can I do it it's legal now I

know but I don't do that you can do it but I don't all right and do you like

poppers no I don't do you straight well you know I like to use poppers too yeah

I don't do that I don't use that all right and then I want to put a

handkerchief and cover it with chloroform and put it on your face and

And hold it.

Ooh.

Yeah.

Okay, well, I'll give you a call.

I'm just trying to close.

Okay, you close.

Go close and then open.

Hurry up.

I'm going to put chloroform on a rag and put it in his face.

All right.

Holy crap.

What all do you need to bring?

Ask him what you need to bring.

He goes, ooh.

You need to ask him what you need to bring.

Did you hear him?

He goes, ooh.

When I say that.

You know, I've actually eaten at that restaurant a number of times.

Now you know he's gay.

You got to watch out.

You get AIDS, man.

That's how you get AIDS.

yep that's scary it's dangerous man gay cancer i know yeah be careful they sell pizza there

hi no no pizza they sell pod pod though pod pod and peck peck anyway ken kniff big ken hello hello

hey boy i'm here live from alcatraz island how are you all right man big michelle crazy i only

heard one of those two parts you told me to hear part two before part one so i did that

At the end of the first part of the call, we started telling her that I was on Alcatraz, calling her from.

She was like, no, you're not.

And then after Pride, she thought it was for real.

Well, they do tours and shit in Alcatraz, and I don't know.

I actually told her I was incarcerated there.

Who are you, Al Capone or some shit?

They got Alcatraz tours for your 39.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I took some once.

I asked her if she wanted my prison ID number, and she said, I don't want your personal ID number.

And then I asked her again, and she said, I don't want your health insurance number.

What, is she Canadian now?

Oh, my God.

So I just asked her straight out.

I was like, do you want my fucking social security number?

Yeah, I had a hunch, yeah, last week that she wasn't just drunk, that she really was crazy.

And then I know we all did the research after the show and saw her Twitter and Facebook accounts and saw that, yeah, she pretty much is like this all the time.

and that was confirmed when later on during the week

the rest of you called her

off and on and she's just

as fucked up.

I only talked to her that one time. It was right after your show

Sunday and we went

on for like two hours with her

and I kept sitting there and I'm like, I love you

and she's like, shut up!

Don't say that! She was slipping out

and it was fantastic. Well send me her number

but I don't want to talk

a lot. She's been burned out but I like

I did really

really like when I would

connect her to other places while I did

a prank call. She's got the ads

still up, but she's changed the pictures around

a little bit. Oh, nice, nice.

Cleaned up her apartment. Anyway, all the time she'd be

like, stop! What are you doing?

She kept telling me I was going to piss someone off who was

bigger than me. Oh, she

sat there, she's like, why does

this Eddie guy keep doing this?

She talked to us for

at least a half hour about this

guy named Eddie who was calling her.

Well, did you get to hear the very last one

where I ended up connecting her

to Zappos last week.

Yeah.

Can your manager help me? Can he do something?

You know, I didn't

know that you called her back after you hung up

with Ken and I on Skype.

I just logged out, and I was listening

to the stream, Yahoo stream later.

I mean, the Google stream.

And it was hilarious.

Well, me and Ice Goose

were sitting down, and they were like, she's not answering.

It's fucking busy or something.

And then I flipped the stream back, and I'm like, oh, Carlitos

talking to her yeah i called her even after the outro played and everything i called her again

and talked to her for like another 15 minutes yeah yeah it was hilarious i flipped out when

she was talking to the zappos guy why is he doing this well you know he if you listen carefully he's

telling her that that we've already called like this is the third time you guys have come around

he's like you guys i guess he they had already i had never run into that with zappos but

they were saying god there's some guy and some drunk woman calling in yeah but she kept asking

if zappos was like what do you like sell dildos and stuff sexual items you know and he's like no

we smell we sell apparel clothing shoes it's like this what dildos yeah you can tell what's on her

mind yeah sexual organs yeah sexual because i got her all hot and bothered she got mad about that

that too don't say that if you hear that call she can't fucking sit there promise you're not

gonna hurt me it's like we never said anything about her she's totally codependent yeah who are

we calling uh i forgot kfc australia i wonder how many black people are there hey how you doing

honey baby pardon how are you doing honey baby how are you calling sorry oh i'm calling to make

Make an order, sweetie, honey baby.

Beautiful.

Can I make an order, or do I have to go there and pick it up?

Like, order it there.

For, like, is it a big catering order?

It's for, yeah, the biggest bucket of chicken.

What is it, 21?

Yeah.

I want three of those.

You just have to come in and order it.

All right.

And how much time does it take to go to the bathroom after I eat the chicken?

Pardon?

How much time after I eat the chicken until I have to go to the bathroom?

and after i drink do after i drink what do you have pepsi there or what do you have hello i'm

sorry i'm having trouble hearing you what drinks you have pepsi yeah we have pepsi how long after

i drink the pepsi until i have to go pee in the toilet in the bathroom how long after i drink a

pepsi the pepsi there how long after i drink it till i have to go pee in the bathroom stupid

where's jose at it jose the bones hey jose i'm here hey are you stupid yes oh good don't fall

fall asleep jose i'm not falling like don't man even though jose falls asleep like every dirty

brent show uh dirty dirty brent brent westwood dirty brent need to uh take one of those five

hour energy drinks yeah like cobra he does like two or three of them usually hey carlito yo

zyquam how do you get a jewish girl's number uh for to pay her roll up her sleeve wow that's

I knew it was going to have something to do with the cartoon.

Michelle's number is in the Skype chat.

Thank you, Big Ken.

Good work, sir.

UK, coming up here.

Well, let me check Request a Prank.

Hang on.

Request a Prank.

Hang on.

I sent in a number for a mattress, and they specifically put in the ad that nobody had sex on it.

Okay.

Bullshit.

And they're like, in the female who used it, she showered every day.

hey, she's a clean freak and all this stuff.

I wanted to call them and just accuse them,

say, no, I see some fucking sex stains on there.

Okay.

Here's someone.

Period blood.

Someone has a China doll set for sale.

Does it have large sexual organs?

That's, well, we're going to get to that and other questions.

I just want to break them.

What's up?

You want to do it, Baz?

Oh, no, no.

Go ahead.

Okay, buddy.

You take it.

I want to break these China dolls.

Take it.

Take it all.

Balls deep.

She wants the D.

Hello, no one is available to take your call.

Well, bullshit.

Give it a few seconds here.

I was going to say that I just posted in Skype chat a Craigslist ad from Memphis, Tennessee.

So some good rednecks.

Dude giving away free chickens.

No, Memphis is black, people.

Carlitos.

There are rednecks out there.

Seriously, Memphis is like 75% black.

Yeah, Memphis has a lot of episodes on cops.

That's how I can tell it's got a lot of black.

No offense, but.

some of those honestly that's where most of the black people are yeah

some of the best episodes of cops are from memphis and fort lauderdale is always really good

yeah you ever watch bait car no oh well i've seen stuff on youtube where they bait you know they

They have a car and they shut it down remotely.

They got a show on TruTV

and you can watch

10 episodes and in those 10 episodes

you might catch one white guy

stealing the vehicle. I'm like, this show is racist.

You sure that's not a fake?

Because they have that other show that

they have some kind of show where they

tow your car. What is it called?

Operation Repo.

Oh my god, I hate that show.

It's so fake.

It's pretty believable.

They just set the car out there and wait for people to fucking steal it.

I don't know. That fucking Repo show looks like

it looks faker than Cheaters does, man.

It does. It's just so

bad. God. Yeah, Cheaters is

fake. That's obviously fake, right?

Joey Greco got fucking

stabbed. That's bullshit. Yeah, he got

stabbed. Sure he did.

That was the best part of that whole show.

When that happened, it so jumped

a sharp for me. I was like, this is so unbelievable

and stupid. Wasn't that a boat or something?

Yeah, he got stabbed with like a

fish fillet or something. Like a fillet

knife. On a boat. And then they tossed

They toss the dude off the boat and fucking Joey's sitting there,

oh, they stabbed me.

Oh, God.

That is bullshit.

Yeah.

I like the original host of that show.

It was pretty cool.

I remember they made a big deal when they brought the new guy on.

Anyway, bait car, huh?

Cool.

Have you seen Repo Games at all on Spike TV?

That's stupid, too.

That's the best show.

They make you answer questions and they're all retarded, those people.

That makes me feel so fucking smart watching that show.

Why?

Milkman.

who does that call black car black car yeah the car into the nascar and the guys like

that was uh that was a radio station yeah that was one of the mr burgess calls right

i have mr burgess that's it okay that was hilarious that one and the vietnam kid too

they were trying to give away a vietnam now they're a little black boy yeah it was uh little

little bros big bros i think wasn't it big bros yeah man when you think about a nigger cab and

you think those are real though because he was saying like it's nascar not nascoon

no they were fake for sure pretty sure they were sambo mobile yeah even though they were fake though

they were classic and hilarious yeah they're pretty funny yeah they're staged or funny as

shit they did a good job but they were staged yeah yeah you should put those on the rotation

Yeah, it should, right?

Yeah, but those cool ones like that were really cool, too.

I like all those, man, the old ones like that.

The classic ones, you know?

Yeah, definitely.

You didn't see what I'm buying for your birthday, did you?

Hello.

Hello, this is a message from NASCAR.

You've been selected to participate in a brief phone survey.

If you are a NASCAR fan, press 1.

If you are not a...

Thank you.

If you would like to help us by giving us valuable fan feedback, press 2 now.

Thank you.

Please hold.

Hi, my name is Jeff Gallagher.

Thank you very much for taking part in the NASCAR survey.

How are you doing, sir?

I'm doing fine.

First of all, can I ask your name?

Yes, Richard M. Burgess.

And you live in, actually there's two people.

Hi, this is Alexia Cole.

And you live in what part of America?

The Greenville, Mississippi.

Okay.

We really do appreciate NASCAR fans taking part in the test survey.

We like to ask, basically ask the fans how they'll receive the change

and it kind of helps us to gauge what our fans want.

If there was one thing about NASCAR that you could change, what would it be, probably?

More night races.

And you've been watching NASCAR now for how long?

20 years.

Oh, well, thank you very much.

You're a big fan.

Yes, sir.

Well, we sure do appreciate you taking some time out just to answer some basic questions.

One of the things that we're working on, we're in product development,

trying to get the NASCAR name out there a little more.

We were thinking about taking Dale Earnhardt Jr. and maybe giving him an acting role,

maybe putting him in a remake of Dukes of Hazzard and having him play Bo.

both my wife and wife terrific actually and our next question kind of has something to do with

with uh dale himself dale and us right now we're in talks to bring back the number three car uh

that was of course was his father's and we'd like to find out first how as a nascar fan what would

you think if we brought back the number three car you're kind of walking on tushy ground doesn't

matter to me well we uh well he has signed up and he and he is on board with it and we've paired him

with a uh fantastic racer he's uh from kenya his name is lamant lamangio smith he's the first

First African-American race car driver, and we've teamed him up with Dale.

We even have a sponsor for it, and we feel it's going to take off.

What do you think about that, Mr. Burgess?

We love feedback, so please just give us your honest, blunt feedback.

Actually, what we wanted to do was play you down the main hook of the commercial that's going to air on television,

if we could do that for you so you could hear it.

Well, you know, it's not NASCAR.

Sir, this is the Lexia call. I am African-American.

We here at NASCAR would like to include all people of all colors into NASCAR.

We feel that...

See, that's where I think you're wrong.

We've been influenced by the Tiger Woods of the world.

I mean, we're all one, sir.

And if we could, the name of the sponsor is Soul Glow.

And Lamangelo Smith, Dale Earnhardt...

Hello?

What's the name of the sponsor?

Soul Glow.

It's an urban hair care product.

You mean like Jerry Curl?

It's not Jerry Curl.

It's not like that.

I don't believe people have used Jericho for 20 years, but...

Would you hear the commercial?

Here, Soul Glow.

Okay, well, that's the main brunt of the commercial.

What do you think?

What the f*** I'm talking about?

You try to have a good time.

And next thing you know, it's just going to turn into a, you know...

Well, we would like to increase African-American attendance at NASCAR events.

Why?

We're trying to...

You know what?

NASCAR's the biggest sport in America right now.

Why do you want to...

Because African-Americans spend money, and they love to come out,

I think they'd love to party at a NASCAR event with all the other NASCAR viewers.

Have you seen over in Atlanta where they have that black festival every year?

You know how much crime there is every year?

Sir, there are crimes at every major sporting event, and you know what?

Hang on.

Now, if you want my opinion, let me give it to you.

Okay, go ahead.

NASCAR is the number one sport in America.

If I could, I just want to play the commercial down the phone.

One more time.

Just listen to it.

Just give it.

I've already heard the goddamn thing.

Okay, just listen to it.

It's very entertaining.

All right, you like that?

I don't want to listen to the f***ing thing again.

Mr. Burgess, listen to me.

I've already heard the f***ing commercial, and if you'd let me give you my opinion...

But we just want to play it one more time here for you, sir.

Just listen to me.

Sir, sir.

I don't want to...

What do you think?

Are you going to let me tell you what I think?

Okay, Mr. Burgess.

Sorry, go ahead.

I think it's a bunch of s*** every f***ing time black people get into sports,

and look how they act when the Lakers win.

Bunch of goddamn s***.

So your argument to this is that it's going to cause crime at the...

My argument to it is it doesn't need to f***ing happen.

What do you think is going to happen if black people join NASCAR?

Okay, if you want my opinion, let me give it to you.

Did you see the Rodney King video about ten years ago?

Yeah, Mr. Burgess.

He was driving about as fast as a NASCAR driver.

Mr. Burgess, I don't understand what you're saying.

Hold on, you wanted my f***ing opinion, let me f***ing give you my f***ing opinion without f***ing interrupting me again.

Mr. Burgess.

Yeah.

The f***ing people, black people can drive as fast as they want.

How would you feel about Puff Daddy?

He's got ten police officers out there with f***ing billy clubs.

It's not going to do anybody f***ing good.

What do you mean they can drive as fast?

I don't understand.

They f***ing drive fast all the time.

They won't let you f***ing get in their lane.

They won't move over to let you change lanes, but they'll f***ing go fast.

Who is they?

So, I'm sorry.

You're going to have the f***ing low riders with the f***ing purple lights

look like machines doing the little car dances on the two wheels blasting all that goddamn rap

music all that snoop dog no i don't like it and if you're asking my for my damn opinion

i'm gonna give it to you sir sir do not sir black people need to be a master sir

nascar not black car it's not nascar it's nascar can white people have one damn thing without a

A bunch of f***ing b***h damn b***hers coming in and f***ing it all up?

No.

The answer is f***ing no.

Sir, we actually, we're going to get Snoop Dogg to...

Oh, f*** this.

Yay, stupid f***ing call.

All right, man.

That's Lamont G.O. Smith.

So cool.

That was funny.

Yeah, I eat so cool on my pubic hair.

Yeah, Nass Kuhn.

Hey, guys.

Blacks do drive fast to escape from the cops.

That's that movie.

that movie cracks me up when they're all sitting on the sofa and shit and they get up and from

that soul glory it just fucking stains all over the fucking couch yeah that's what she said there

you go that was a blast from the past man yeah man all right we have someone with a u-sprint

iphone for sale comes with a black and green zebra stripe case the box with all the papers

the papers charger and car charger in great shape just like brand new i switched to straight talk

and no longer need the fucking phone just like fucking brand new i said i switched to straight

talk please help me asking 150 firm on price will not go any cheaper if interested i might be able

to meet you somewhere that's what i'm talking about meet in the middle you know what i mean

I'll meet her somewhere

I hope it's a girl

It sounds like a woman wrote that motherfucker

And I hope it's a woman so I can talk sexy to her

Maybe she's sassy

Maybe

Zyklon you're not allowed to talk to her

Because you're stupid

Because you'll be like

Hi

No I'm gonna talk to people about

You all speeding

I'm gonna say the n-word

I'm gonna make a racist joke

Sorry, but the person you called has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet.

Oh, she's on the phone.

Some of my bitch.

Hey, Jose, so how you doing there, ass?

Uh, really good.

That's good, that's good.

I heard good things about you.

I haven't heard any of your shows yet, so if you got a copy, forward it over to me, you know?

I haven't heard anything.

I've heard that you've been doing shows.

I don't know if it's good, it's bad.

You want to hear something?

He tried to get a gas station attendant to put a match down the fucking...

No.

What?

down into the gas

chambers there

don't do that Jose

I didn't do it

don't do that no

it was Brad's fault

he convinced me

they can put aluminum foil down but not a match

pour some Gatorade down there

that is one of the better prank calls

I've heard is the

RTH one where they did the

red Gatorade in the mop bucket

that is an awesome one

the guy is sitting there mixing

and didn't he put Twinkies in there too

and shit? Yes. Twinkies.

Yeah, that's a classic.

I had to get a copy of that. MSRTH.

Yeah, man, I wish he'd come back.

It's better than Brad. I wish he would take over

the whole thing and Brad disappeared forever.

There was no more Brad.

It was just Rob the Hyena, RTH.

I heard Stacy is going to do a show.

She got a computer, yeah.

She's been sucking dicks and got a computer.

Sorry.

That was rude of me.

i'm sorry guys so i got the galaxy s4 hey new phone yeah how do you like the s4 yeah it sounds

pretty good yeah good man i don't care what it sounds like it's a quad core processor i believe

you should be using that motherfucker yeah you want to root it let's root it i'll show you how

to root it man root your galaxy s4 i want you to root it okay work on that just look it up

on wikipedia you'll find it all right go to google and type in rooting galaxy s4 and you'll find

instructions someone does it on youtube and you do it okay and the worst case scenario becomes a

brick and you throw it at the wall no let me let me try to call didn't you do that you got mad at

the phone and you screwed against the wall i've done that before in real life i haven't done that

before i'm sorry but the person you called has a voice mailbox that has not been set up yet

Well, I guess we're not going to call for that.

We're going to call that number Ken gave us for that chick.

Oh, yeah, Michelle.

All right, let me call Michelle.

She wants it.

So, so far, Baz, have you talked to her?

I know Ken's talked to her.

Jose, you've talked to her already?

I haven't talked to her.

Who else has called her?

Brad called her last night, I heard.

Hello?

Hey, big girl, how you doing?

Who's this?

It's Eddie.

What's up?

Eddie?

Yeah, hey, we talked last week, remember?

No.

Oh, okay.

Hey, do you have any, um, did you get a roommate?

Yeah.

Oh, is it working out and everything?

Yeah, so far.

Okay.

Is it a guy or is it a girl?

A guy.

It's a guy?

And you like him and stuff?

I mean, you know?

It's just fine.

It's all normal stuff.

Can I stay there too, maybe?

Why?

Because you can get more money.

That's true.

Yeah.

You have more room?

Are you the Eddie that tweeted on me at Twitter, though?

No, I didn't tweet.

I don't have Twitter.

I have Facebook, but not Twitter.

You have Facebook, but not Twitter?

Yeah.

Someone prank called me and it was really gross.

And then someone else who's really nice who knows them brought the prank call me

and told me to be happy on the phone.

I was recording me bitching on Twitter, like bitching pissed off.

And then he recorded the call and he put it on YouTube and it has like 380 views.

Oh no.

Isn't that weird?

That's weird. Who was it?

It is weird. I know who it is. I can see who it is.

It's kind of weird, but the guy that I could see who he is, he's not harassing.

He's like, can you be more happy and positive?

Because I was kind of sputtering and freaking out.

Because I've been sitting there like seven days a week, freaking out.

Oh, because of all this whole stupid thing?

Where do you live?

Oh, I'm from Las Vegas.

You live in Las Vegas right now?

No, I live in my car.

I'm calling from my car.

I'm on my cell phone.

You're calling from your car?

Yeah.

Where's your car?

I live in my car in a Walmart parking lot.

Which Walmart parking lot?

I'm new here

I just drove straight here

to look

I was supposed to get a job

on a movie set

I wasn't going to do audio

and then I got there

and they told me

that I had to

like

do sexual things

to get the job

and all that stuff

really for real

they sent me

it was a whole lot

was it a bunch of gay guys

being gay at you

or something

because I thought

that mostly only happened

to women

no no

it was a bunch of

it was a gay house

they had cameras

all in the house

and everything

and the guy

the guy was like

yeah I have

here's your interview

and he pulled down

on a zipper and everything in front of me and he said you don't have to be shy afraid of this

we want you to stay here in the house because they told me i was going to be get a job doing audio

for a for a video production and they included rent and what it was yeah you should talk to a

lawyer they want me to have sex with all the men and take showers with them on camera and people

don't tell me anymore i don't want to hear any more about it but i believe you and if you're

not just making it up you should talk to a lawyer because some human rights activist lawyers

follow me on twitter and it scares me it's like what do you want me to end up someplace weird

where they're saying we're gonna mess with you personally while we know you're poor and this is

what you got to do and like be like uh sexually exploited it and there's human trafficking that

would pass that passes from mexico to the usa for real that's not funny no you should find his

his lawyer dude this one guy followed me he said he's a human right activist it's not my personal

problem i'm not into it i don't want to know i don't want it to happen to me no i can't help you

you need to call a lawyer okay you should call a lawyer i don't think you'll get any money

you should say something somewhere besides to me i swear to god you should they said this is a

if you're not lying and make it up you should go tell some people they said it's internet you're

You're supposed to lure people to Los Angeles and say you have to do sex to have a job or live somewhere ever.

That is like on the borderline of human trafficking.

Shut up.

They said it was a voyeur house and people watch and they masturbate at home watching on the computer and the Internet.

They didn't tell you that in the ad?

No, they didn't tell me.

The guy said, oh, yeah, all the guys.

They did it once you got there?

Yeah, and he pulled it out and he said, you know what all the guys do while they watch you when you're here working?

And I said, what?

You can't do that.

Yeah, their borderline prostitution and human trafficking.

He said they do this while they watch, and he started jerking off his penis and everything.

He was jerking off his sexual organs in front of me and everything.

It was really disgusting.

Oh, you can't come here, then, because I'm sorry if that really happened to you,

but I already got prank called about that, and they scared me for myself.

You can't be a weirdo here.

I can't deal with any of that.

You shouldn't even look at porno when you're by yourself.

You shouldn't even.

I can't deal with any of that.

There's so much weird shit that could really go on around Los Angeles that passes through.

I can't deal.

Do you think it's weird?

I can't deal.

You should go look in the phone book.

If you open up the phone book.

Yeah.

Or if you go around the L.A. Times, it's been in the news.

It's called Human Trafficking and Prostitution, and it's really bad.

You shouldn't go anywhere near that, and I can't help you.

He had a U-Haul truck.

It makes me scared that somebody will fuck with me.

He had a U-Haul truck.

You can't do that.

It's disgusting.

He had a U-Haul truck, and he put a couch in it.

They don't care either.

They're probably going to go to jail.

or be drug addicts.

He said we were going to have a party.

They don't care.

They're going to go to jail or be drug addicts one day.

Hey, shut up.

They're wrong.

Can you shut up?

He said that we were going to have a party in Mexico

and that he had a U-Haul truck and he put a couch in it.

I don't care.

That's even worse.

Go tell the police.

At this point, I'm telling you to call the police.

Okay.

Call the police because he said you're going to have a party in Mexico

and he didn't say in the ad, this is porno acting, porno stuff.

He said it's not porno.

He didn't tell you, and then he just pulled that on you, and you're there.

If you're not lying, you should seriously call the police or look up some lawyers or human trafficking.

Hey, asshole.

Right people, because you can't do that.

It's illegal and mean and scary.

Stupid asshole.

That's not funny.

Yeah, they said that I didn't have to do sex, but I got more money.

I'm sorry if Eddie on Twitter was tweeting at me.

It's not you.

No, I don't have Twitter.

I'm not an Eddie on Twitter.

No.

Oh, okay.

God, why do you keep saying that?

What is that?

Why do you keep saying that?

My phone battery is dying.

I have to plug it in on the wall.

Is that what that noise is?

Yeah.

You can hear that.

It's pretty loud.

I don't know.

I don't know why it's so loud, you know?

It's fucked up.

Plug them to voicemail.

It doesn't want to do the voicemail right.

I plugged it in.

You there?

Yeah, this is more on the same kind of prank call and stuff.

I can't like...

What's the problem with prank call?

I mean, why are you so upset about it?

Why do you keep bringing it up?

It's okay.

I'm not trying to do nothing bad.

I just need help.

You should go find a talk to a lawyer.

There's a lawyer.

They got me all the way over here.

And they're like sort of like non-profit human rights advocates.

He literally said, you know, if you, you can't be afraid.

And he put it in my face and everything.

He said, you can't be afraid.

You can't be afraid of it like that.

Then he started like making like chicken noises.

And he put his arms on the sides like they were chicken wings.

And he was going bop, bop, bop, bop like that.

Caw-caw, caw-caw, like that.

He kept doing that.

He was, like, poking me and jabbing me with his erection and stuff.

It was disgusting.

And now I'm stuck here.

I came all the way.

I don't have any money.

I only had enough money to get to L.A.

And I'm just going to have to get the job having sex in the voyeur house, you know?

Hello?

No, you're not.

You can't come here after you already said that.

It's a good thing you said something because I would make you leave.

But why?

Because I don't have to.

If you came here and you lied to me, I would give you your money back and make you leave real fast

because it's crazy crap.

You need to talk to some lawyers or police

because that's illegal and disgusting

and you don't have to do anything.

I've never done anything like that, though.

It's called human and drug trafficking and prostitution.

Why are you not letting me stay?

Why are you not letting me...

It's not sexy or funny.

You don't have to do anything.

It's not funny.

So I'm not allowed to come by then?

It's called human and drug trafficking

and sex harassment and prostitution

and it's not funny.

Okay, shut the fuck up.

There's people that don't care.

They're like, just give me 50 bucks and some drugs and I'll do anything.

And they don't even care if they die themselves.

Shut up, asshole.

Yeah, what I was saying was, why is it that you don't want me to come by just because I didn't do anything with them?

Why is that my fault?

I don't care if you did or you didn't.

Why is it negative?

I wouldn't care if you did.

Asshole.

I don't really care about that.

That doesn't matter to me.

Stupid asshole.

All right?

Why would I bother?

I'm not a gay.

I'm not gay for guys or anything.

You know?

I wouldn't really care if you were.

I know people that are, and you don't even know if they're gay or not.

They're just really polite and nice, and you barely find out that they're gay.

You don't even, you just barely even know.

Yeah.

Don't go talk, I mean, so, I mean, it's like, you couldn't, there's no way, it's too, it's too chaotic and weird.

And I can't keep talking to you much longer, but.

Why not?

If you're not lying to me, just get a reaction out of me.

No.

You really need to go talk to.

Yeah.

The police or human rights advocacy lawyers, I've talked to tons of them because it's a problem in LA.

It's not funny.

Yeah, there's the sons of bitches, you know.

It's not fair and it's not right what they did to me.

They pulled my pants down.

No, it's not.

They pulled my pants down in front of all these.

I don't like this other phone ringing thing.

Are you going to put this on YouTube or something?

I don't understand what this is.

I don't have a YouTube.

Where did this sexual organs thing come from?

Where did you guys come up with that?

That's what they were telling me when I went there to get...

Who, the people said that they'd hire you for a job?

Yeah, they said it to me, yeah.

They said to call...

I don't know.

Girls get put into prostitution that way.

Don't you know that?

Yeah, but this is...

They come to the United States for real, right now.

They said it's gay sex.

They come to the United States for a job or something.

They said it's gay videos.

This is, like, really controversial material that disturbs me.

Asshole.

I don't want to scare my neighbors.

Asshole.

I don't want to scare anybody here or anything.

Fucking asshole.

They said that...

You can't keep calling me asshole.

Well, it's the only way I can interrupt you so I can ask you something because you keep talking.

What's that?

You talk too much.

Okay.

They said it was a gay sex house.

They video stuff on the Internet live.

You watch it live.

And he even gave me the website and everything.

It was Meetspin.com, he said, to go there.

And from there you could see all the people.

I can't help you with that.

It scares me.

I don't want anything to do with that.

You know what could happen to women?

I don't really, I can't help you.

I'm telling you.

He started choking me in front of all these boys, and it was on video,

and they were all jerking off while he was, he had me on my knees,

and he was choking me with his hands, and I have all these bruises on my neck.

Go to a doctor or a lawyer.

I don't know.

All right, so you can't help me?

No.

All right, I'm going to.

No, I can't.

I'm sorry.

I really can't.

Please don't call me again, and I just told you what to do.

Go find a phone book

Asshole

I'm going to put Ken on the line

No I'm going to go

I can't do this

I'm going to hang up right now

Excuse me Eddie

Why is she hanging up now

You see what you guys did

I was going to cut in as your lawyer

I was monitoring the call

She told you you should talk to your lawyer

Because you guys kept tweeting her

And following her

and telling her shit.

I told him not to fucking tweet or follow her.

See, you ruined it. You ruined a good thing.

Now you all

She's already a scared cunt.

She knows. She's seen it on YouTube.

Man, you guys

Hey, it's good to have a good number, but man

you can't not. Not anymore.

Now it's a piece of shit.

You guys gotta like back off

on the good numbers.

When me and Goose called her

on Sunday, I didn't know

I was going to fucking spread that to everybody.

Yeah, you guys, you know what?

If Ken shares a number with you or anybody, man, don't exploit it, man.

Let everybody enjoy it.

Take the time and savor it.

Don't burn it out.

After Carlito talked to her last Sunday on the show,

me and Ice Goose talked to her like another two hours after that.

Oh, shit.

It was fucking fine.

It was fine.

had to settle

into her brain

like by now.

I think she needs that.

I think she does.

I think she's like

super happy that people

are tweeting about her

and following her.

Yeah,

giving her some kind of

fulfilling some need

that she has

in front of those guys.

As soon as she started

getting scared

and freaked out,

she backed right out

real quick.

As soon as she started

saying,

oh, I'm scared

and freaked out,

that was it.

She cut her right away.

Milkman,

you should go

drive to LA

and you should probably

She'll probably give it up to you, you know?

Her head is still up.

She does not have a fucking name.

I don't have her website.

No one gave me her website.

You can protect her, Milkman.

Yeah.

I might even interview her.

Get her on the show and interview her, you know?

I should have.

What really got her is when I said sexual organs.

That's when she's like, oh, fuck this.

That was my mistake.

There you go, Milkman.

There's the fucking link.

That's where you're going to be living and all that.

Oh, awesome.

Dude, I can't wait to see my new placement.

man oh man look at that cat box she might kill you in your sleep though she used to have a picture

of herself on the fucking ad she removed that real goddamn quick she'll sit on your face too

she's into that problem it's real nice i like i gave her credit for having fucking like 36 seat

she's like no i'm an a-cup i'm like you should just ran with a compliment bitch right wow what

kind of bra is she's wearing like some serious push-up bra in that picture her picture of her

I can't find it

She might have changed it

She changed out of her stuff

She took it off the ad

I think right after we talked to her

But it's still up

Why is your ad still up

Maybe she's always looking

Remember that's how she makes friends

Open relationship

Yeah she's kind of weird

I don't know what she does

She's kind of creepy

Manson thing

50 cent beers from Walgreens

Netted light

This

one is for big juan jose's cousin juan this guy has rabbits for sale but he's not answering

ring we'll try it again one on cinco de mayo i wonder if he has rabbits it's good rabbits for

sale conejo yep one conejo we call me one conejo will the rabbit nibble my dick like a carrot

you painted the tip of your dick orange here rabbit rabbit rabbit i had a good idea for that

carlio's running around the yard good little pet chicken i had a good idea yeah about calling the

the rabbit's chickens and then kicking them drop kicking them but he didn't answer punting them

yeah that's what i was going to suggest is let is get the live rabbits in the go and shoot them

i was gonna ask if you could sniff their assholes

here's a report there's like the king of thailand i was gonna ask if they wanted the d

the rabbits want the d dude what's wrong with you yep

ice goo said he tweeted michelle and asked her to stop drinking

intervention that's awesome

I'm an Al-Anon for women

whatever that fucking means

yes hi how are you

this Post Oak

oh okay I was wondering

if you know

do I have to get the room by the night

or can I get it by the hour

yeah hi can I get the room by the night

or by the hour

Yeah, how many do you need?

By night or hour, both are fine.

Okay, I can do two hours?

Yeah, it's $20.

$20 an hour?

Two hours.

Two hours for $20.

That's not bad.

How many beds in the room?

You need one bed or two beds?

Well, I want to put some beds together.

I want to make one big bed, maybe four beds.

Yeah, so you need a two-bed room, right?

Okay, sure, buddy.

Yeah, two beds is different price then.

Okay, and can I get extra bed? Can you put four beds total on there?

No, no, no, no, no. We don't put extra bed.

What if I get two rooms, but only want to have the beds in one room?

I have two beds, makes four beds, right?

Yeah, and Bhenchod?

Yeah, it's, for a night, it's 65.

Oh, what about Bhenchod?

Bhenchod?

Yeah, Bhenchod.

Bhenchod?

Yeah.

No.

We can, what about Matarchud?

No.

No?

What about Gondu?

I think you knew what we were doing.

I just seemed to have lost him there.

I think you knew what we were doing.

Well, they've been in the news for a prostitute issue.

I figured you were talking about prostitutes.

Oh, yes, hi.

For two hours, $20, right?

Yeah, two hours for $20.

Okay, and then you can show me your sexual organs when I go down there, right?

Yeah, it's a private function.

it's a private function for your penis yeah all right then can i touch your penis and kick you

in the face a bunch of yeah i'm gonna go slap you in the face no no no yeah i want to for sex

no you like to hit each other do you have a wife no do you like to hit your wife in bed

sexual hitting no no no it's no no what about your mother did you like when she spanked you

you when you were bad okay he's gone i'm sure he did that's kind of a rip-off he's in there

20 for two hours around most around the u.s for like 36 bucks you get a full fucking night

yeah no shit yeah but dude you just want to for you know an hour where's this hotel at

it's where the prostitutes are in houston let's think about all the all the cum stains afterwards

i kind of figured it was by the hours for prostitutes you guys quit posting pictures

pictures of michelle in the fucking chat oh you know i like michelle you know it's weird though

after this whole michelle thing made me think of the angry asiatics but the whole long rambling

calls well i mean that they were long yeah but she's nowhere that she was a fucking like one

liner machine she is fucking crazy at least those guys think they know what they're saying

like it actually it's coherent it's just off the wall like that that what was it jesus well who

Who was a fag?

I don't know.

King Solomon was a faggot.

King Solomon was a faggot who fucked a white monkey ape thing in a cave, in the back of the cave.

Meet me in the back of the cave, motherfucker.

And that's how the white race got started, apparently.

That's what he says.

Yeah, he said he wanted to fight us all in the back cave in the fucking mulatto.

Yeah, I don't know if they're 10 percenters or whatever it's called.

They're not Nation of Islam because they don't like Farrakhan.

Like, Farrakhan's a robot, but he sold out.

Like, dude, if you think Farrakhan sold out, you're pretty radical.

I have no idea what they were.

I think they were 7%ers, 10%ers, whatever the fuck it's called.

Okay, let's continue.

Here's W.M. Liggins.

This is the last of the UK numbers that I have here.

Can I talk to him?

You want to talk to them, Zyklon?

Sure, I haven't done a call yet.

W.M. Liggins here.

Alright, be careful.

You gotta remember, you're on a higher playing field than they are.

be fucking dumb i'm an american that's obvious and if an answer and if an uh if a woman answers

drive that home that you're american yeah hi yes this is your joke of the day how do you pick up

a jewish woman at a concentration camp with a broom and a dustpan don't subscribe press seven

if not you will get if not you will get to another joke of the day okay all right that was kind of

When she paused, you should have fucking fired another one off.

They were saying something.

I don't know.

They were talking to each other.

Liggins?

Yeah, this is the same one.

Hello, this is Liggins.

Please don't hang up.

This is important.

Hello?

Answer the phone, bitch.

You can't ignore us.

I know you're still there and you're listening.

This is very important.

I'm calling from the Royal Service.

Answer immediately.

This is urgent.

Yeah, it's urgent.

All right, hold your ears.

If you do not answer the phone, you will be disobeying royal order.

Hold your ears, everybody.

I'm going to try to force him on.

Hold your ears.

Hello?

I need a new goddamn headset.

Holy shit.

I think they heard that.

I almost spit whiskey all over my keyboard.

We doing a fucking thing from like Revenge of the Nerds, doing a fireball and shit.

We got Lake Ridge charcoal chicken.

I got an idea about charcoal.

Do you have some of our YouTube members?

Charcoal.

Thank God.

Charcoal.

What happened?

YouTube members?

You have no more U.K. numbers?

None that I didn't try calling when I had Michelle on the line and they didn't answer.

Just a reminder, Carlito, about ten minutes.

We need to probably restart the YouTube video.

Oh, thank you.

It will make a noise, but I think I missed it.

Here's William William.

Let's see if William William picks up.

Billy Billy.

What's the last name?

William.

First name is William also.

Finger looking good, y'all.

Yo, yo, yo.

Hello.

Hello, Mr. William.

Yes.

Yes, my name is Mr. Jesperson.

I'm calling from the Royal Service.

How are you this morning?

From me?

I'm calling from the Royal Service with an urgent message.

Are you ready to receive the urgent message?

You've got the right person.

Yes, this is Mr. William.

Am I correct?

Yes.

We are calling to tell you that you must now immediately display a large bust portrait of the Queen over your fireplace.

place you must also display the union jack in your bedroom this is a new law that has been

recently enacted in the house of commons you must do this immediately do you understand this

this transmission from the royal service listen i don't believe in i have nothing to do with the

royal service you got the wrong number no listen to you pillock this is important we're going to

notify the the authorities if you do not comply with these directives from the royal service

No you will not

I supersede them

I'm from the Royal Service

I'm contacting you from our call center

In Chicago, Illinois

Do you understand these directives from the Royal Service

Hello I'm the manager

Now we're selling these Union Jack flags

For $5.99

That also comes out to

$10

For a second there I couldn't even understand

What that fucking mush mouth was saying

I can understand what he was saying

Did he call you a nut, sir?

I think he called you a nut, sir

Nut, sir

You're a nut, sir

Benz is doing awful well for me drinking some fucking whiskey and shit

Yeah, I'm doing okay

Feeling no pain

Hello, hello

Mr. William, hello

Hello, sir

You know, I take great offense that you hung up on me

Man, did it again

Bastard

So, Carlito, do you know if

Did Hillock ever make it out of the hospital, or is he still in there?

He's been out for a few weeks, I thought.

Did he call into your show, or did he call into Brent?

Yeah, Brent probably.

He was on Brent's show two weeks ago, right?

Yeah, yeah, he was.

It sounds like he's doing okay.

Yeah, he's getting around in a wheelchair, but he's back home.

Yeah, he was drunk, and he was visiting some chick, and he fell down and broke his leg.

Is that what it was?

Yeah.

He was telling on the show, he was saying that that was the third time he's broken

in a bone when he's drunk or something like that?

Holy crap, dude. You never know.

Maybe he can get some fucking Blumpkin assistance

or something.

They sound like he was doing okay.

Yeah, I heard once he tripped

and he fell on his boner, and that hurt.

It didn't break.

That sounds exactly like him.

It didn't break, but it

bent back all the way.

Yeah, mine bends to the right

now. Real quick, funny story.

When I was wrestling as a kid,

we watched this fucking kid to end up having to wrestle

So a girl got a boner in the middle of the match, and then she fucking slammed him, fucking stomach down, right on the mat.

And I was like, oh, fuck.

I wrestled my freshman year of high school, and I only had three matches.

The wrestling team was really cool.

I had three matches.

I had one draw, one loss, one win.

I was like, cool, I won one, and I quit.

How did you draw?

Did you, like, both hit each other with a chair shot or something like that?

Well, it wasn't a draw.

It was a four fajita.

Yeah, the other guy didn't show up.

The event was in our school, and they were coming from another school,

but I guess there was something happened where their guy was supposed to be

some kind of school production, band production, and he couldn't come.

So they just had me go out there and raise my arm in victory.

It wasn't a draw.

It was just a forfeit, I guess.

Just a forfeit.

Hey, Curly, a quick question.

What?

How much do you think Michelle would flip the fuck out if the white devil called her?

Dude, I don't know.

I don't know.

Let's do it, dude.

Do it.

Seriously?

The white devil?

Yes.

I think she would go off the fucking deep end.

She would become very scary.

She's not dumb enough to just let the phone ring.

Or just not answer it.

She hung up.

That was the first time she's ever hung up that I've heard.

She needs to answer the phone.

I think she does some load.

Yeah, she does.

But I'm surprised she hung up on me.

Because she would never hang up on me last week.

Well, maybe you're being therapeutic to her.

Answer the phone.

and I'll call you back.

Call me back.

There you go.

This is the white devil

that needs french fries.

I can't believe

she didn't answer.

I fucking love that call

when the white devil

called about the fucking

french fries.

That's the white devil's

favorite thing to eat

is french fries.

You're standing between me

and my french fries.

The white devil loves

french fries and bath salts.

Yes, go ahead, Zyklon.

Did you do like that

gay wrestling

or did you do like

WWE stuff?

I did do WWE.

stuff no it was the true wrestling man fuck you i wrestled for 12 years you cocksucker yeah your

son wrestles too right big ken that's right is he the guy that got the boner no unfortunately

it's probably a good thing huh i was all state i'll fucking i'll fucking kill you

have any of you guys seen that south park episode where they where the kids want to be on wwe

i used to do but it's like i don't know i got behind and i mean i know i can just jump into

to those but i got tired of south park and the last thing in south park i watched was the uh

bigger longer and uncut movie and that was it yeah that was good i saw that twice in a movie theater

what boy what do you want boy so i got a prank idea i'm not sure if it's work if it will work

but if it does it's probably gonna be really funny uh call the turkish horse do a to-go order

completely normal then call back like five minutes later saying uh you're gonna cancel

So when you're ready to get Greek food.

Okay.

Yeah, man.

What?

Especially if you get the testelion.

Yeah.

That's good, man.

I'm going to kill my hamster.

Put him in two slices of bread and eat him.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system for...

That'd be a hamster sandwich.

A hamster sandwich.

Get it?

Go!

Take that fucker to a bottle rocket and send it to space.

Yeah.

You know, better yet, I always thought, you know, you should call the Turkish horse guy

him to that greek restaurant that um i pranked a couple times in colorado was it colorado or

australia yeah no it's in colorado but i'm sure that both places are probably closed now cool

i've got that restaurant if you want it yeah send it the number yeah sure it's the guy that i called

on dirty errand show and then um jen and i talked to him on your show and jen was my gay lover

remember that okay just put it in uh skype chat fantastic anyway look the guy was supposed to

mail me my my modern rhyme malacca he never did cute anyway we got wesley big wesley here

he does concrete on the side telling me did something bad and need a slab poured asap

telling me got his number from kk who is in prison kk is samoan or tongan what's tongan

on. Don't know. But here we go.

Wait a minute. He said he did

something bad. He needs a slab

of concrete poured. That's what he wants

me to do. Sounds like he's

hiding a body or something. I'm pretty sure

Lysol did some bad shit. He needs something

covered up. Your call

has been forwarded to an automated voice

messaging system.

No concrete there.

That reminds me of a call that I was

listening to the other night that you and

Zolar did. Do you remember the one called

Backhoe Unburial?

you know i was just thinking about that as i was dialing i just remember that there was some kind

of burial thing yeah zolar called up a guy with a backhoe and wanted him to take up his backyard

because his wife had been missing for a couple of weeks and then you told him that you were from uh

you're trying to build a subway it was that was just a fucking classic call awesome good call

because i literally was just trying to wonder what what that call was that it was zolar about

burial stuff okay oh dude you you and zolar just did the best calls together is it unburial you

said it's called the title is backhoe unburial at least that's what's on my ipod backhoe unburial

maybe um i think can you play it i'm looking for it i can't find it oh it's a fucking great call

no i don't have unburial that sucks i don't have the drive here that's on i really like with uh

with Zolar and Carlito was when they called the tow truck service and was

trying to get the car towed out of the garage with the homeless squatter in

it.

Yeah.

That was a recent one,

wasn't it?

Yeah.

It was pretty recent.

Yeah.

Well,

yeah.

Wasn't it,

or something where I wanted to put a hose so he could get carbon monoxide

poisoning.

I was going to connect it or something.

I thought there was something.

Oh no.

The homeless guy.

Like either the homeless guy was gone or like he was laying in there and he

was sleeping.

And you wanted to fucking car tow it away?

Yeah.

You guys really need to get together and have him come on the show and do some calls sometime.

It's been a while, right?

Well, I talked to him recently after Easter.

I gave him a call just to check in with him.

I had a question for him, but not a show or a prank call recently.

No, I can't find him on Burial.

That sucks.

I really want to hear that.

Oh, well.

I'll try to email it to you.

Cool.

Maybe I'll play it next week.

I can't do it right now, but I'll do it sometime during the week.

All right.

Cool.

Sounds good.

All right.

All right, let me load up the next call here.

Can you file transfer that thing on Skype?

Yeah, you can.

I don't have the hard drive that's on handy right now.

All right, so we've got someone here named Dominguez.

Tell them that their daughter, Jade, who is 6 years old,

has been bullying your daughter at school, and you want to know.

I don't want to mess with kids.

Sorry.

We're going to pass on that.

Sorry there, buddy.

Did you send any, Ken?

Any request of pranks?

Not tonight.

Not tonight?

All right, no worries.

I still got plenty more.

419lucky7 sends in Andrew who acts like a wannabe black person in Ohio.

Okay, here we go.

Let me do that one.

All right, yeah, I think this is Zyklon appropriate.

I think that's up here, Ali Zyklon.

Yeah.

Try not to be super racist, please, God.

Okay, I won't be super racist.

I'll try not to say the N-word.

Yeah, that's a story.

Try to keep on the line for more than 30 seconds.

Talk nice to him.

Hello.

Hi, are you the wannabe black guy?

Mm-hmm.

This is Larry.

See, I've got a job, and I need some black people to help me out.

You don't want to be a black guy.

You can help me.

I think he's gone.

Yep.

Ah, damn it.

You know what I need black people for?

Cotton picking.

Paving the road.

If I can string them along for a while, Zyklon.

Yeah.

I've tried.

Yeah, tell them you can slice black people thin.

Hello?

Yeah, listen, I need to pave a road here,

and we're looking for some people to do the work.

Are you black?

Yeah.

No, I'm not black.

Oh, you sound pretty black.

Do you have black people clothing?

Do you wear baggy jeans?

Yeah.

All right, and do you have, like, a basketball jersey,

like a LeBron jersey?

Yeah, I got the Browns.

My boys are, too.

There you go.

Hell yeah, man.

man. So you can come down

and maybe we can put you to work.

You want me to go to work to pick some cotton?

Yeah, that too. We'll put some

whatchamacallit on you. We'll put

some blackface paint on you.

Some charcoal. You want that?

Yeah, and you can walk around like my little chicken.

Oh, I'll be your chicken?

My little chicken. Do you know what time

it is? It is 1 o'clock in the morning

and you're calling me. How did you get my number?

Imagine if you were in the UK. It'd be like 6 o'clock

in the morning. I'm going to put Zyklon back

on the line. He's racist. Go ahead, Zyklon.

fun hey i'm not racist because racism is a crime and crime is for blacks am i right yeah yeah that's

right and i do need some kind pick though seem like a good strong muscular man yeah how much

you gonna pay me for it um i don't pay however if you pick a lot of kind i won't whip you how's that

oh i like being whipped you like being whipped uh well we can arrange that my overseer tom can

could certainly do that.

Who is this again?

Who is this?

Say what?

Who is this?

This is Larry.

This is Pat and Fox

and Dozer.

I already know

who this is, so...

Who is it, then?

I'm Overseer Tom.

Yeah.

Y'all is slow.

I know who y'all is.

Who are we, then?

This is that radio show,

ain't it?

No.

What radio show?

PSR?

That mouth house radio.

What?

I know, but this is

my brother listens

to y'all show.

Oh, really?

Oh, what is it?

This is KDK.

And this is

Who we on Sunday night

I don't even know

But yeah

I don't know who y'all is

Okay

Who we be like

Who's your favorite guy

On the show then

Carlitos

It's obviously me

Oh that's the wrong

Fucking answer

Yeah that guy

Fucking sucks

I'm over y'all

You make y'all look

Like bitches

Like what

This is KD

This is KDK

Yeah

I'm batting for

Hey girlfriend

Yeah

We're gay

So your friend

Your friend listens to the show

And he sent you a number

He said he sent my number to prank call who?

Probably, I don't know.

You.

Unless it's you.

Unless you made it up and sent your own number.

Why would I send my own number?

Did you make it up because you wanted to talk to us?

You just had to say you wanted to talk to us.

We'll put you on the air, man.

Nah, I didn't want to talk to y'all.

It's one in the morning.

I'm trying to sleep.

You know what I'm saying?

Oh, don't be shy.

All right, so then it wasn't you then.

Don't be scared.

Yeah.

I already know who put my number on the problem.

My brother probably put my number on that show.

Yeah.

Go fuck him up.

Yeah, go fuck him.

Why don't you give us his number so we can call him?

Yeah, give us his number.

Yeah, kitty, kitty.

You want his number?

Yeah, what's his number?

Give it to us, yeah.

419.

All right.

Hey, you guys write it down because I'm going to mute him.

All right, go ahead.

Hold on, let me look for it.

It's on my contact.

Hold on, where's it at?

Yeah.

Hold on, here it goes.

419.

Okay.

All right, you guys get it?

Yeah, we got it.

All right, we'll give him a call and see why he did that.

We'll let you know, all right?

We'll have KDK call him.

He'll butt-slam him.

We got you down.

I'm not giving him the D, okay?

You saw one.

I'm going to give him the D.

You want to stay on the line?

This is KDK talking right now.

You want to stay on the line while we call him?

Sure.

All right.

Did you guys post that in the chat?

Okay, here we go.

Yeah, we got it.

All right, we'll call him.

You can jump in, too, if you want.

Yeah, if you want to tell him he's an asshole.

Yeah, because that's pretty fucked up, man.

Intervention.

That's real fucked up.

That's wrong.

You should tell him that it's fucked up.

You want me to be doing my number, Al?

He's probably listening and he won't answer.

He probably is listening with his bitch ass.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Four, one.

All right, let me mute that.

We'll leave him a voicemail.

Five, the tone.

Please record your message.

Tell him he's a punk ass bitch.

When you have finished recording, you may hit up or press one for more options.

Tell him he's a punk ass bitch.

Hey, it's Carlito.

You're a punk ass bitch.

Yeah, it's Carlito and your friend, Andrew.

It backfitted and worked out, man.

We were just calling you back to let you know.

We just wanted to see why you hate your friend so much

because he's pissed off, right?

And now we got your shit.

We got his back.

We got his back. Now we turn on you.

You're an asshole like the king of Thailand.

Alright, buddy.

Alright, dude. We got your back, dude.

I hung up on him in an accident.

I hung up on the wrong one.

Anyway, well, that was kind of funny.

Not funny, but...

You know who they happened to the other day

was Chopes that's in the chat.

He sent all of his friends fucking numbers in on Friday.

And then the guy, one of his friends was like, oh, Chopes?

Yeah, here's his number.

And fuck, he gave it to us, so we called his ass back.

That's awesome

Without question too

like his buddy's like oh yeah here's his number he fucking didn't ask who it was or nothing oh my

god wow okay it doesn't happen more often well that people figure out it might happen more often

than we were privy to yeah i don't i don't mean for that guy to get in trouble and shit that's

why i muted his phone number i just thought it'd be funny to do that for a change since that guy

seemed like it wasn't too pissed off about it he was like i know he seemed cool with it kind of

yeah but dude if if you're gonna send in your friend's number don't that's what got me laughing

yeah so obviously him and his friend listened to it at some point they know about it together

and he put two and two together hey he's probably a new madhouse fan there you go man he obviously

listened to enough of it he knows the fucking host's name yeah yeah and he likes me the most

yay i'm the best on madhouse radio yes put it right in your face um i'm sorry to uh drop the

kdk name i know that you're probably not supposed to do that huh i don't care yeah jose you're on a

show we see like no you're not supposed to say kdk i say that all the time so people if there's

a bad prank call or is going really bad or negatively i'll say and said this is kdk prank

calls you've been butt slammed yeah that was hilarious that's fun to do yeah good then you

give kdk's side out and people go back there like what the fuck did he do a show last night

has he been around is he doing his you now his you now thing i did a show last night yay

right on jose yeah are you now now we got to get jose on video are you doing one every week now

jose that was the gas station fire probably but i still need my stuff hey can i call him yeah

i'll call you know what i want to do this this coming weekend i want to uh call in

no no i want to call in on every show for a little bit and just to give my support because you guys

you know ice goose to show i want to be on see if i can join them for a few minutes what are you

doing trying to pull a ken no i'm just trying to make some appearances that's all you know

holding up appearances not next week but the week after i'll be making he's trying to he's

trying to pull a dick fox man he wants to befriend them right and then get all their numbers

I'm just saying, making it a point

to be on real quick and say

hey man, on the air real quick, just want to say

you guys are doing good

then we can post it in FaceTime

yeah, I wouldn't want to run the show

or stay on for long as in people are like

oh, you know, it's Ice Goose's show

and those guys show, that's their show

I can order it

just lending your support

big support, we got a text

you have been

officially by the Generalissimo.

You've been butt-slammed.

We got a message here. This is

what the fuck from that one guy's friend.

He's like,

what the fuck?

Call him back. You should call him back

and make him a fan, you know?

Dude, you sound pretty cool.

I don't want to piss the other guy off

that bad.

419 Lucky 7 isn't too happy with us right now.

Sorry, dude.

It's all in fun, dude.

Dude, all in fun.

It's all in fun.

That was kind of funny, though.

All right, let's continue on with the show.

Let me go back to request a prank to a guy here.

You see, you did follow your rules.

You didn't rat him out.

The guy knew who did it.

Yeah, that's right.

Didn't rat him out because the guy already knew.

You know, I've got an adult specialty shop in Guam if you want to try calling them.

Okay, post it in the chat.

I don't know if they'll answer, but you can try it.

I've got a log of numbers that I tried sending to Aaron a few, about a month ago.

go all right here's a house for rent in the meantime gay roommate i don't know if that's

a suggestion or what the ad says but dude on craigslist house for rent it says let's see if

this is legit or not a straight guy that house gay it sounds like the straight guy first time

dot com house straight time that was i want to hear that now and i don't i barely remember that

i remember we were giving out the straight time first what was it straight guy first time

No, straight guy first time.

Straight guy first time, yeah.

Was that black guy?

You've got to be kidding me.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

The guy that we're going to put in Cream Street.

Hello?

Hello, yes.

Is this, do you have a house for rent?

The house has been rented.

Is it the whole house or just a room?

Oh, you're talking about the room?

No, the room is still one house, one room.

Oh, good, good.

I want to come down there and, you know, share.

Is it sharing the room with someone or just by myself?

No, no, just the room by itself.

The room by itself, yes.

Do you ever want to come in and sit down on the bed with me?

We can talk a little bit.

I'm sorry?

Do you ever want to...

Yeah, yeah, I'll buy it.

You come by and you can be my friend?

Yeah.

Yeah?

There's a bathroom...

Sorry?

Is there a bathroom in this room?

No, no, just the room by itself only.

Is it your house?

Do you stay there now or no?

Yes.

Oh, you're in the master bedroom?

Yes.

So can we switch bedrooms, though?

Like you move into the smaller room

And I want the master bedroom

I'll give you an extra $400

How much do you want to pay?

I give you an extra $400 a month

So you want to get the master bedroom

Yeah, you come out and

Steam, you know, we clean the master bedroom

And then I stay there

And then you move into the small room

Okay

And I

Well, you can come over here and talk first

And then we can talk further

Does master bedroom have a bathroom?

No

No?

So how many bathrooms are in the house?

One?

Two.

Two?

One on the first floor and one on the second floor.

All right.

I want the bathroom on the first floor for me only.

No, I'm sorry.

I can't do that.

Well, come on.

That's the one I want because I don't want to have to go upstairs to use the toilet.

No, I can't do that.

Sorry.

But I'll give you more money.

I'll give you more money.

It doesn't matter because we have another two people in the household.

And to exclude that is not cool.

I'll give you more money if you let me, you know.

Everyone use, and that's my part,

but maybe I invite some people into my bathroom sometimes, you know.

He cross-ass about me.

Well, okay, I'm sorry.

Do you want to use the bathroom, too?

You can come in, and Baz will be in there,

and he'll be jerking off, you know, when he's gone.

Yeah.

Man, I'm going to need for some pork chops.

You should have put it in your Skype chat.

I want to put as many beds in the one room as we can,

wall-to-wall beds

we just bounce up and down

hey buddy

hey booster how are you

pretty good

but I can't do that

I can't do that

I mean just the bathroom

hello

my name is Kaz

he just asked you about me

no I can't

we have two people upstairs

and they need to have a use of bathroom

to them um and i can't do that they can come in sometimes two of us no huh sorry

cross two people no it's just crossing me yeah how about this can i be bad this is just crossing

me can we bring in a porta potty can we bring in a portable toilet and put it outside in the front

yard yeah i think so yeah is this a house or an apartment it's a house all right so i can bring

a big portable toilet

like one of those

that they put

in construction sites?

A portal potty?

No, I don't think so.

We could put it

in the front.

Okay, I gotta go.

Okay, I have to

pick up my phone back.

We'll put it in the driveway

and then I can go out there

and take a shit.

No, don't hang up.

I wanted to tell him

I was gonna take a shit.

He's not gonna answer this time.

We'll try again.

Yeah, sorry, dude.

You're gonna get it

for the other people to use

and that way

you can have your own

bathroom with a key.

Can we call the

hotel?

You have reached

the voicemail box of

What?

What? Yeah, sorry, dude. It sounded like he was

petering out a bit, so I cut in.

That's fine with me. I don't care, man.

Whatever. Yeah, can we call the Homa Hotel?

Homa Hotel right in?

All right. Don't be stupid.

Guys, I gotta go. Good night, guys.

Bye. You gotta go to school.

Get ready for school.

I have to get ready to work. Bye.

Bye, bye, bye, bye. Go.

I'm looking for the Homa Hotel.

Hang on. Isn't the NSA

monitoring those calls?

Probably, to some extent.

yeah yeah just made me think of the one room one bed two men type deal i was trying to figure out

a way to to work in the straight guy first time.com house into that dude we're gonna put

cameras up in the house you know and yeah yeah i was gonna say you know would you be opposed to

putting webcams up gets that website out enough he's gonna fucking register it i know i should

fucking register that that uh domain yeah i'm not finding the uh i thought i had it because we've

We've called there recently, but I'm not seeing the Homa Hotel thing.

Speaking of that, that reminds me.

Didn't you call a hotel in North Korea once or twice?

No, we could only get through to the embassy.

Oh, the embassy.

You called a North Korean hotel and accused them of having weapons of mass destruction,

and the dude got really pissed off, and he cursed you out in Korean and hung up.

It was about four years ago, I think.

Really?

I mean, it probably wouldn't be a good idea to do that now,

because that would be monitored for sure.

Yeah, I'd say.

Was that a hotel, or was it like the consulate?

It was.

No, he called a hotel.

It was about four years ago, and he accused the dude.

The dude spoke English, and he accused him of having WMD, and the dude got really mad.

He got pissed off.

Yeah, there is a hotel in Pyongyang.

I thought it was a consulate.

There's a couple in Pyongyang that cater to foreign tourists.

Yeah, they get a lot of people from Africa, weapons dealers and shit like that.

Yeah, China.

Yeah, I had read reports.

reports uh some guy from the uk was staying there once a journalist and he ventured off in that

hotel it's like a really large they just find they it took them like 10 years to build it

they had to stop halfway through because of resources running out but anyway they finished

it and uh i think what he got off on the elevator on a different floor and he opened the door and

it was full of like recording equipment and cameras like little cameras and stuff yeah

that they used to record and and take pictures of everybody who stays in the hotel that's pretty

ballsy yeah i'm doing that yeah it was oh yeah it's like supposedly on a in a moat yeah right

it's i don't know i know king jameel it's like one of the largest build tallest buildings in

the world i think if i'm not mistaken and i guess on any given night there's only like

um just a handful of rooms there's like 40 or plus floors on that hotel yeah maybe only about

about five rooms rented every night.

Wow.

It's all for show.

Oh, here it is.

Yeah, the Run Young Hotel, and it's like a pyramid.

Yeah, you called that place.

Yeah.

And the dude got mad at you.

No way.

Did I really call this place?

I think you did.

I'll try and find it.

It was about four or five years ago.

If I find it, I'll isolate it and send it to you.

Well, that's cool.

I'll have to call that again.

That'd be kind of cool.

But you've got to be careful about that.

I mean, after their recent fiery rhetoric,

I'm sure they're monitoring anything.

anything yeah any calls going into there yeah that's true and the thing is i've called iran a

bunch of times i gotta be careful with that and i'm sure that the nsa probably logged at least

one of your calls to the homo hotel yeah yeah yeah they're those guys because of the way those

calls are they're probably like oh this is free they're probably loving it i mean in my opinion

you're being a patriot because you're fucking with the enemy but sure i don't know if it feels that

that way i got the idea like we're breaking the law i got the idea from uh howard stern did that

back in the 80s with uh fartman oh yeah yeah he did the whole fartman thing where fartman

called it was fartman i think was fartman in uh and who was the original batman west what's his

name adam west yeah they called together they called us fartman and batman i thought sweet

i guess yeah and it was like during the hostage crisis i think or something like that and they

They were, like, arguing back and forth, and the guy was arguing.

Now I want to hear that.

You know, not to change the subject, Adam West was in Seattle recently for Comic-Con.

They interviewed him, and he's in his 80s, and the dude sounds fucking fantastic for being in his 80s.

He said that the 80s are the new middle age.

Yeah, right.

Is he still doing voices and stuff for Family Guy?

And they had Burt Ward, the guy that played Robin, also.

And he sounds pretty good, too.

They're both fucking doing good in their 80s.

All right, here's the Fartman thing.

It's only two minutes long.

Let's listen.

On today's classic episode, Fartman calls the Iranian embassy to save our hostages.

Is this the Iranian embassy?

This is Fartman.

Are you Iranian?

All right.

Let me tell you something.

I'm always sad to see people die in a plane, but I don't think it's right that you kill our hostages.

We're talking about the 90 people.

A human life is a human life.

And you know that it was an honest mistake on behalf of the U.S. government.

Well, we don't know that it was an honest mistake.

But Fartman is on the side of the United States.

Okay.

And I'm going to say this.

Now, get ready.

And that is all I have to say about this issue.

If that makes you feel better.

Because it was a mistake.

If that makes you feel better.

And it's not right to kill Americans and hold them hostage either.

So you are not without blame also.

You started it.

We're not holding anybody hostage.

You guys are too.

We're not.

You started it.

did too if you want to go back into history we can go back into history so who knows history

better than fartman you do you know everything better than everybody else because i am fartman

let me say something again because fartman makes you feel better and i will be over in iran if

there's a problem with my game and the home of the free very good yay fartman yay

hey carlito yes a little historical tidbit since i know you like that shit that guy and he's

He's talking about Iranian subjugation.

He should be pissed at America.

He should be pissed at the UK and the Soviets.

Because they friggin' invaded and took over Iran during World War II.

Yeah.

Yeah, for supply lines.

Yeah, but the Persians were assholes, you know, throughout most of the history before that.

You know?

Yeah.

They were a bunch of assholes.

Asshole people.

Did you see 300?

Did you see how much of assholes they were there?

You know, 300?

300 is a good movie, but the depiction is just bad.

Well, come on.

300 is awesome, man.

It follows the comic book so well.

Oh, I'm saying it's a good movie, but the guy that played the Persian king is black.

Xerxes.

And the Persians were not black.

Xerxes, Xerxes, right?

Yes, Xerxes.

Yeah, that's cool, man.

Carly, real quick.

Gerard Butler.

Who?

Ice Goose or John whatever.

whatever it is, what it would show up as.

Oh, yeah? Cool, man.

He's been trying to call in for a while, I think.

Yeah.

We should get him to get some U-Haul numbers.

He's pretty good at that.

Okay, fine.

Let me try to get him back on here, then.

I think I might have seen that flash up during Fartman.

John Trollston, is that where he goes by?

Yeah, that's my lawyer.

He's trying to get me out of Alcatraz.

Yeah, we're going to stage a jailbreak, won't we?

Fartman!

Oh, fuck yeah.

Hey, what's up, man?

What's up, man? How you guys doing?

Doing good, thanks.

Hey, hey.

Doing good.

Thank you.

Yeah, shush.

How's it hanging, everybody?

Eh, you know, it's hanging to the right.

A little bit to the left, a little bit to the right.

Yo.

Did you record that 420 show at all that we did?

No, I didn't have a recorder then.

I didn't know if anybody recorded it because I wanted to see it by getting the Jesus Lady U-Haul call.

I thought Milkman had the recording of that and we were still trying to get it.

He keeps trying to upload it, and he says he can't.

Really?

Yeah, he keeps saying...

Well, let me look at it.

Dropbox is fucked.

He put it in...

The yard won't stop bitching about it.

He said it's in Dropbox.

I see a copy of it in the Dropbox, but it's corrupted.

We have a Dropbox we should be sharing.

We should all get on the same Dropbox or something so we can share files together.

Because I'm trying to keep them all together as much as possible.

It's all right that Tabachi's uploading them to a server right now.

You know, Dirty Irons wants to do a Dropbox.

Yeah, we should do that.

I already have one started.

I've been trying to help Aaron with some editing.

We should have a communal Madhouse Dropbox.

That'd be pretty cool.

Yeah.

Anyway, I'm looking in here.

It looks like Milkman went in and deleted the corrupt copy, so I don't know.

He's working on it still.

I don't know.

Are you guys recording your stuff now, though, Ice Goose?

Yeah, I'm recording it.

This upcoming week's show I'll be recording,

recording and then pretty much every show after that cool you can do a podcast dude uh yeah i'm

gonna do a podcast this upcoming week the last week i forgot about it and this week i obviously

wasn't doing the show decided to hang out with real people and party that's always sweet yeah

it's pretty fun yeah i have a hard time on fridays i haven't been able to catch your show yet but i'd

I'd love to hear the podcast.

Yeah, Tabachi uploads it, or Sloth uploads it in the Tabachi's file.

And so there's a couple shows in there.

I don't know if the newest show is going to be on there.

Yeah, it's tabachi.fulllosers.us.

You can get it there.

It's on the Facebook page, the Friday Nights by the Fire Facebook page.

I try to keep up with that as much as possible.

So it's all updated, or it will be tomorrow.

Once I talk to Sloth, I talk to Sloth and Jihad, so.

Other than that, it should be good.

Yeah, I'm going to try to do a podcast.

I figured it all out because I'm on a Mac,

so I got to do it with GarageBand.

But, yeah, I think I got it all figured out.

I just forgot that one week.

No worries, it happens.

I'm always behind on editing shit, so.

Oh, they're going?

Shit.

Tavachi keeps, he doesn't like to fiddle up that server, so.

Anyway, hey, I got an Iran here.

Oh, fuck yes.

All right.

Did you want them?

Of course.

Be a patriot. Give them hell.

You know I will.

America, fuck yeah.

Braxis of evil, don't forget.

Believe me.

They're Muslim also.

I hate those Hajjis.

And they really hate Israelis, by the way.

Is this a hotel?

Israel rocks.

Your call has been forwarded

to an automatic voice message system.

That's American.

Maybe I copied the wrong number.

never mind

oops

what's up Michelle

I don't know who that was

I'm going on the Facebook page right now

hello

hi I was wondering if I could get a hotel

yeah a hotel

Haji hello

yeah yes I would like to

rent a hotel room

yep I'm coming from America

yes would you please

what you were saying

you are trying to book a room

room yes yes that's right okay i will put you through to the reservation department okay thank

you stinky smelly who's asking if your boyfriend can join you okay i was gonna say two men one bed

i'm gonna lecture the iranian people in america i'm being capitalist and shit israel too yeah

Yeah, in Israel.

I'm an Israeli buddy.

Hello?

Yes?

Hi, I'd like to book a hotel room.

For which date?

May the 20th.

It's my favorite day.

Sorry?

May the 20th.

I need that.

Is it okay if I bring my boyfriend?

He's an Israeli.

Would you please send an email for us?

Yeah, no, I'm going to bring my Israeli boyfriend.

Is that okay?

Are they going to...

Hello?

Hi, I'm...

Yes.

I need to book a hotel room because I need to have a room with my boyfriend.

He's from Israel.

Hello?

Can one of you motherfuckers talk?

Yes, I'm the Israeli boyfriend.

Yes, he's the Israeli boyfriend, and we need you guys to talk.

Hang up.

Don't hang up, goddammit.

You don't hang up on John Holloman or an American.

Don't do it.

We're superior.

Or an Israeli boyfriend.

Yeah, we're superior.

All right, just a moment.

Let me, uh...

I couldn't hear him.

Eat that poo-poo.

Okay, do you want to go ahead?

yes hi hello yes hello yeah homa hotel this is the front desk right i'm looking for some israeli

wine do you have anything israeli israeli line israeli yeah wine from israel yes someone from

israel nationality i mean yeah i want the israel national wine from israel israeli wine

Is that a line?

Wine.

I see, I see.

Alcohol, you know?

I see.

Do you want to buy some of this at all, you mean?

Yeah, and then I want to have an Israeli woman.

You're kidding me.

I'm going to drink wine with an Israeli woman.

Yeah, I'm going to bring her to Iran and drink wine with her.

Who told you that I'm from here?

Oh, well, the embassy did.

The embassy?

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

Why?

Why sorry?

Come on.

No, they'll be sorry.

Come on.

That's all right.

Never mind.

No, come on.

I bring a boy.

How about a man?

Israeli man.

Yeah.

And I kiss him.

I'm sorry.

I can't help you on that.

I'll go to the lobby and kiss a man in the lobby.

Yeah.

You like that idea?

No, no.

You ever think about a man?

Kissing a man?

I don't like these ideas.

You want to kiss a man?

Look, I'm going to put that in.

Don't bother with those.

If you hear me, don't bother with these things.

I'm touching Basra

Go on

He's touching me right now

I'm touching him

And we're Israeli

We're Israeli and we're touching each other

We're smelling each other

He smells fantastic

And touching each other's genitals

I don't believe you

Oh yeah

Why not?

Goodbye

I'm sorry

Don't hang up

Believe it

We're gay

We're gay for guys

Alright

Maybe it's time to check into

I do not believe it

No stop

Man for the Friday show

My buddy's roommate is from

India

We're going to have him call Indian restaurants

And just start screaming at him

Yeah

He was naming all this shit

That I could say but I forgot it all

They have a lot of different

chode they have a lot of manners manners shows how he said it what are we calling i don't know

big kahuna pizza i think you gotta put the emphasis on the choke hey how you doing good

hey listen honey i want to drag this woman down there by her hair do you have seating um yeah we

do all right and if i get upset sometimes i throw stuff or i might push my wife around and she's

pregnant and it looks really bad when it happens but it's not a big deal what the hell is that

that noise it sounds like freaking maggots the hell is that yeah nsa oh geez it's the second

time i've heard that now god i told you he called the homo hotel the nsa is gonna log you yeah it

just sounds like typing anyway um i think it's time to end the show man go down for a while

getting tired of it there was that fucking noise again hey you got any uk numbers i don't think we

have any that we haven't called hey i'm gonna see you guys next week i'm gonna go to bed

bye

see ya

bye

alright

let me try to call this David Lloyd Owen

he answered

you should call everybody back at once

alright yeah as long as he doesn't

ban my account I'm fine

Michelle would lose her she'll stay on

Ken and I will talk

I'll be the lawyer and Ken will be from

We went until fucking 5 in the morning last night.

Finally, I decided to say, Michelle, shut the fuck up, and I had to hang up on her.

You said that to her so many times.

Shut the fuck up.

You have to, man.

Bitch, shut up.

You gave me a headache.

I'm yelling asshole.

I'm yelling asshole right now.

Shut up.

I'm like, asshole.

When I called her a bitch, she got really mad.

Hello?

They picked up and hung up.

All right.

My bad.

I'm going to do the whole calling everybody at once thing.

Hell yeah.

I think in order to do that, I hang up on the conference call

and call you guys back, so hang on.

All right, and I think it's call group.

Yep, got it.

Hello?

Michelle, we're phoning.

We're hacking the phone.

Hey, stop calling me.

You can't call me.

Stop calling me, you piece of shit.

If you are satisfied with your message, send your message to your middle-aged friend.

The driver will send it to the next person to leave.

Okay, what's this?

Hello?

Are you still there? To send your message with normal delivery, mailbox is full.

And can I accept new messages?

Thank you.

Your message has been sent.

Hello?

I cannot accept messages.

Hello?

Please try again later. Goodbye.

Hello?

Hey.

Hello?

How you doing?

Which one keeps ringing? Fuck.

I'm disconnecting all these.

There's one that's ringing constantly

that's driving me mad.

Still long gone.

That's the Houma Hotel sign.

Houma, hello?

Thank you.

Your message has been recorded.

Okay, whatever.

That's the fucking weirdest message ever.

That is kind of fun to do.

Okay, alright guys, goodnight there.

You're all out on your ass.

See ya, ice goose on your ass.

See ya later, bye.

bye good night good night you too good night there ken and baz who never reconnected in a few weeks

oh there is baz okay zyclon never reconnected yeah see you in a few weeks bye all right and

milkman we've lost milkman oh shit let's try to wake him up i think milkman fell asleep

fucking masturbator he's got a c-pad machine on his asshole it's blowing air in his asshole and

distending his stomach and intestines and then he jerks off to that when he does that like oh

Oh, yeah, my belly's so big.

Oh, baby, oh, baby.

That's what he says.

My belly's extended.

Oh, baby, oh, baby.

Come on, Milkman.

I'm trying to call him on Skype.

I guess he fell asleep and it's a permanent problem.

I guess he's not coming back, so never mind then.

Because we ain't talking to Milkman.

Anyway, well, thanks, everyone, for tuning in tonight.

Madhouse Radio, a big thank you to our extended network,

work everyone listening on blue planet prank radio the person whom you're trying to reach

is currently unavailable please leave i don't care uh and cacti radio for brad and the stupid

assholes that he is yeah thanks to everyone who sent in numbers tonight including well who sent

in numbers lonesome loser of course sending numbers is always very helpful thank you lonesome

loser fizzy hippie sent in some numbers 419 lucky seven and his friend who uh andrew who we talked

to for a little while he was actually just connected there in that mass callback uh horse

cock sent in a number also thank you horse cock machine much appreciated that jose or juan juan

sent a pretty good number all right there you go i think that's everybody catch me in no show next

next week but we'll be back the following week for the next live episode of madhouse radio this

will be on the podcast as soon as possible may 19th we'll be back i uh yeah okay night everybody

thank you

Calls (44, 2 h 7 min of 3 h 36 min)

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