The Lottery

This is basic civil defense information from the Department of Defense, Office of Civil Defense, Washington.

If there is ever a nuclear emergency, special fire precautions should be taken,

particularly if you plan to use a home shelter.

Keep out the intense heat rays from a nuclear explosion by closing your doors, windows, and Venetian blinds.

If you don't have Venetian blinds, coat windows with whitewash, household cleaning powder, even mud,

or cover windows with aluminum foil unless authorities advise otherwise fill

buckets and bathtubs with water keep a garden hose connected fill containers

with sand for firefighting electrical fire shut off the electricity first at

the main switch then put out the flame if it's an oil or grease fire shut off

the supply of whatever is burning smother the flame don't use water with a

gas fire shut off the gas supply then use water sand or earth to put out the

fire act quickly to know the danger of fire and what to do about it consult your local civil

defense director get my perfect hey what's up everybody hello everybody good evening i am

carly to the host of madhouse radio starting late i apologize thanks for all our live listeners who

you hung in there tonight but thank you uh with me here as always is milkman

i'm sad no i'm still waking up a little bit i'm doing good you know i'm good i see

well you know just a little briskin bracer okay you know now you're better skin bracer

yeah that'll wake you up man you put that skin that's right man don't smell his breath either

man he's been drinking chocolate milk i've been no i've been drinking skin bracer and putting

chocolate milk on my face it was masculine scenting there that you know they kind of got

me there so i was like oh this isn't brute yeah you know there's alcoholics that get to a point

where their alcohol is taken away from them and they're still drinking shit like

like skin bracer and all that.

Aftershave, yeah.

Aftershave, and I've heard of people who drink,

who spray that rain net hairspray in their mouth to get drunk and shit.

And wasn't it Kitty Dukakis, Michael Dukakis' wife,

didn't she admit during her drinking problems

she used to drink fucking nail polish remover because it had fucking alcohol in it?

Oh, my God, dude, I can't believe that because there's no alcohol.

that is just the acetone well before back uh maybe late late 80s mid to late 80s it had some alcohol

she was drinking it um now they put now they put a bitter they put a bitter agent in there a

bittering agent so that if you try to drink it it just makes you throw up so kids yeah there was a

thing where kids were going around in high schools you know drink nail polish i never heard this my

my golly yeah that's desperation yeah look up uh look up kitty dukakis um fucking nail

polish remover she was on 20 i remember seeing that on 2020 i was like eight years old yeah

yeah howard stern talks about he knew an alcoholic who was allowed to drink non-alcoholic beer uh but

it's still that non-alcoholic beer does still have a little bit of alcohol in it so the guy the guy

would end up in his garage hiding from his wife drinking like wow he would drink a case of

non-alcoholic beer in order to get a slight buzz really you'd have to drink a case just get a

little head rush wouldn't you yeah yeah i mean he would have to drink a whole bunch of it he got a

little bit of a buzz yeah exactly new news for just a moment here man i'm gonna delay man i'm

just picking up my customer here yeah no good hey so about 10 minutes so i'll keep all it back okay

All right, we'll be here, Milkman.

You have fun with that.

I will be mutating.

I will be on mutation, mutate, mutation.

Yeah, you reach back there and touch his penis and everything, you know?

10-4, man.

You hop in the back.

I got you, brother.

Yeah, man.

Put your cowboy hat on and be like, I want to touch some penis.

No, no, you go to where the captain's at, and then we'll switch to the old straw hat.

You want to ride in my truck and forget the taxi?

I know you got your red boots on.

All right, hold on, man.

I'll come back.

I got a customer.

You want to mount the tranny in the rear of my truck?

Okay.

All right.

Hold on, man.

Listen, I got some serious news for you people.

I want to let you know I was going through chatroom logs,

and there was some asshole motherfucker who thought it would be funny

to bring his ass in here during our last show two weeks ago.

Motherfucker, turn off the music, milkman.

Thank you.

He's on mute, but he's still controlling the music there.

if any of you motherfuckers thinks it's funny to come in this fucking chat room

and give out spoilers to fucking uh game of thrones you can go fuck yourself you can go

sit on attack for all i care and you will be banned for 24 hours if any asshole comes in here

and puts any fucking game of thrones fucking spoilers i know that i you know i like that show

you know i don't watch it until tomorrow because i'm here on my ass doing a fucking show for you

you people and if you think it's funny to watch game of thrones on the east coast feed of hbo

and they come in here and give out spoilers you motherfucker you got something else coming to you

i don't care if it's fake or not some asshole i don't even know who it was came in here i don't

remember who it was came in here last week in the chat room and was like oh i can't believe area

stark got killed tonight's game of thrones which a never fucking happened anyway that episode two

weeks ago area stark is still alive in the fucking woods with the merry men faggots but

if you think it was fake or not if anyone dares put a spoiler game of thrones in this fucking

chat room you son of a bitch i will ban you personally or i will have my people ban you

for 24 hours don't be stupid asshole it's not funny come in here ruin game of thrones for me

i don't care if it's in a fucking book or not i didn't read the book because i like the show

So, I don't got time to read.

Motherfucker.

I'm going to be an asshole.

You know I like that show.

I only watch two fucking shows right now.

Game of Thrones and The Office.

And The Office just ended last week.

So that leaves one.

I don't watch anything else on TV.

I don't give a shit about anything else.

Every once in a while, I turn on the TV during the day and I got CNN on during the background.

That's it.

Even that's a piece of shit.

Mainstream media bullshit.

All the...

It isn't because it's CNN.

end all the fucking news channels are mainstream bullshit i don't believe half the shit they got

in there anyway it's all for showing ratings that's something we'll be stupid anyway that's

why i was really pissed off and you're whoever was as fucking lucky that i was why even come in

and make something up like that are you stupid to say that one of the major characters got killed

when it didn't even happen that means you did it for you did it for the sake of just being a troll

a fucking spoiler troll because it wasn't a real fucking spoiler stupid you guys want to be

assholes and i won't do the show on sunday i'll watch game of thrones and we'll start the show

at midnight eastern on sunday asshole i'll watch it twice and then i'll start the show don't be

stupid don't be fucking stupid anyway we got numbers to get to here i'll calm down i'm sorry

for the guy who did it i'm sorry i'm real i just got real mad i was like you son of a bitch i

I literally was getting ready to log into HBO Go on my iPad to watch the fucking episode the Monday, you know, the day after the show went on.

And I was just wrapping up, just skimming through the chat logs from that night, the night before the show.

And some idiot, I can't believe there he is.

Stupid fuck.

Asshole.

But here's a spoiler for you.

In the new Star Trek movie, Kirk dies.

Not Spock this time.

And they bring Kirk back to life.

and that cumberbatch guy he's he's fucking con all right and the fucking robocop is uh is the

the evil admiral there you go that's what y'all get for letting that guy get away with that now

you just spoiled star trek into darkness for you stupid if you're in the chat room and you heard

that it's because it's your responsibility to keep people like that out so i just spoil a movie

for you i hope you saw it lonesome loose is sitting i really gotta calm down lonesome

we're sending in numbers for used panties girl next door panties and hot panties all for sale

holy shit girl next how does this guy get the girl next door's panties go over and steal them

he steals them off the clothesline this guy says he's heading to the east side today

would love to get you this pair i have on call me and i can meet you no i am not an escort

please don't ask sorry no pick oven panties this is in the east side of seattle east side till i

die all right east side till i die you have these panties and they're dirty panties yes they are

all right i know you're not an escort but can we maybe i have a fantasy where i we hang out

and i make a soup out of dirty panties and then we both drink it together

I've had a lot of requests

that one I haven't had yet

I have to give you props

but I would have to say

probably not on my list of things to do

here's my recipe

four cups of water

salt to taste

about two ounces of ketchup

one dirty panties

nice and ripe panties

and one chicken bouillon cube

you are awesome

and I put it in teacups

and I drink it with my pinkies taken out

oh i love it all right so and if you if you're willing to put some pp in there too you know

you can pee over the pot we'll mix it all up you are so cute are you serious yeah i am cute too

i'm hot i'm nice i love it i look like a young can i ask where you're from because i saw a

different area code i look like a young john candy i'm from vegas originally but i'm in town

I moved here.

I live in my car still right now.

I just got a Sprint Wi-Fi card and my laptop.

I got a beige laptop.

Right on.

Yeah, and I sit in my car here in the Walmart parking lot,

and I have a gym membership, and I just go there,

and I work out in the morning, and I just want to take my shower.

Right on.

You know what?

That's the killer setup.

I have to admit, me and my ex did that,

and it worked really well for a while when we were kind of surfing

in between California and Olympia.

Would you be interested in dirty gym shorts or underwear yourself

or know anyone who would be?

You know, offhand, I'm not, but I can ask around.

I've got quite a few girls that help, so.

All right, well, let me know.

Hey, can I call you back at this number?

Yeah, call me back at this number, honey, and then we'll talk it out.

Okay, sounds good.

All right, and you don't have to drink the soup if you don't want it.

I can just buy the panties, and I'll have it for myself,

and I'll save the second serving, you know, for later, you know?

know there you go that works too i'll put it in the thermos and i'll take it to the gym with me

and i'll have a after gym snack right on that would work too dirty panty soup all right well

don't tell anyone that i called you talking about panties and stuff all right oh don't worry about

it don't worry the only person that's with me is actually one that helps me sell so oh cool all

right we're good that's awesome we're actually down in the store right now so all right honey

Alright well you take it easy

I'll talk to you later

Bye

She's real nice

I can't be mean to her

She's nice

And she's willing to stick on the line

When I give her the recipe for dirty panty soup

Jesus

She's not an escort guys

Remember that

That's what it said

I am not an escort

Tonight we'll be banning a random person

In the chat room for no reason at all

As retribution

for uh you guys letting the person spoil game of thrones in there just to teach you guys a lesson

so be ready in the next 10 minutes a random person for no reason is going to be banned i'm

going to assign a number from the top down and you know i'm going to go one through however many

there is and then i'm going to go to that random number generator app on this android phone that i

i got and i'll pick a random number between one and the number of people in the chat room

and whatever number comes up you will be banned uh one week ban so get ready for the lottery

the lottery's coming up you guys ever read that short story of the lottery it's like that once a

year you know we we uh stone somebody in the village as a sacrifice for good crops that's

That's what we're going to do here tonight.

So get ready to play the chat room lottery tonight.

All right.

Milkman's listening.

Milkman, I know you're listening.

You can't talk.

Remind me about the lottery in about an hour.

We'll do that.

You can't count?

Who said that?

Cactus, are you stupid?

You see how many people are in the chat room now?

I can right click and find out, but I don't feel like it.

You know what?

You just increased your chances of winning the lottery.

This is like the Hunger Games of Madhouse.

All right.

Moving right along, let's get to the next prank call here.

Brad sent in a bunch of Request a Pranks I saw,

and I saw a few more from a few others,

so we'll be getting to those here in just a moment.

Keep sending those in over at madhouselive.com.

There's a new camera angle on the YouTube.

For one of the main reasons I was so late tonight,

I completely redid the little studio office here.

Got a new desk set up and stuff,

and i realized i didn't have everything reconnected as far as my mixer and microphone and

shit but i didn't i forgot that i had failed to rewire all that stuff up until about 30 minutes

before the show started i was like uh shit whoops my bad so i had to quickly you know figure oh this

goes there yeah but where is this now here i basically moved everything from left to right

I swapped everything, my mirror image, so I'm kind of shaky right now.

It's going to take me maybe a show or two to get used to where things are as far as

keyboards and the mouse that corresponds to this machine here, and the mixer is way over

here.

It's to the right now instead of to the left, you know, so, yeah, so, yeah, and the other

thing is, in the meantime, YouTube completely changed their broadcasting thing, their live

hangouts on air.

they could they changed where you go to start a hangout they changed the buttons and the setup

and everything for doing a live one um and it took me a good 10 minutes of trying to fucking

figure out okay they completely changed it google's notorious for that they you'll log in one

day and everything has been fucking moved somewhere you know who knows where and a lot of youtubers

complain about that that the uh the dashboard for youtube uh produce you know people who produce

youtube content on a regular basis they'll log in one day and everything's been moved

everything's been changed and it takes some getting used to you need to stick to something

you know find something that works to stick to it anyway prank calls that's what we're here for

not complaining about my first world problems here's hot panties for sale i have hot sexy

panties for sale 25 a pair i will meet or mail them i am 25 trying to earn some extra cash

i don't have pictures i am not an escort i will not touch you and you can't touch me exclamation

point whoa we can text or call hit me up if you're interested this is also in seattle

Former home of the Seattle Supersonics.

What other teams are in Seattle?

The football team is the Seahawks, right?

Yeah.

The baseball team is the Mariners, I think.

Ken Griffey Jr. back in the day.

Majority owned by Nintendo of America.

I'm correct.

There you go.

Hockey.

I don't know if they have a hockey team.

Who cares?

Stupid hockey.

Hockey, you can kiss my ass.

All these Pennsylvanians around here.

Hockey, hockey.

I don't give a watch fucking hockey.

Asshole.

Yeah.

Yeah, hi, listen, I just came back from playing some hockey.

I sat down on my beige computer, and I see you've got some hot panties for sale.

I do.

And how long do you wear them for?

I'm sorry?

How long do you wear them for?

Um, I've been wearing these all day.

Are they nice and ripe?

Yep.

Alright, are you on your period?

No, I'm not.

Oh, do you have any of those?

Nope.

When's that coming up?

Uh, I don't do those.

Oh, you have, you're not like on the pill or something that takes your period away, are you?

I'm sorry, what?

You're not on that pill that takes your period away, right?

No.

Okay, good.

That's cool.

Maybe a few days before or a little bit after, would you be willing?

Yeah, look, I don't play games, but I'm not going to entertain that right now.

That's only something that I would do for a regular customer.

What about when you ovulate?

Yeah, okay.

You know what?

Yeah, goodbye.

Goodbye.

When's the ovulation period?

That's a week before, right?

Yeah.

I know when it is.

I know when ovulation...

I know how it works.

Fallopian tubes and all that.

I was in the class.

Yeah.

My guess would be ovulation panties are the best ones, probably.

If I was into that, I would want it.

Ovulation period.

That's when the most stuff is happening down there outside of the normal...

Outside of the period, you know?

The shedding of the uterine wall.

Alright, I'll stop talking now.

I know I'm creeping you guys out.

the shedding of the uterine wall isn't that what it is she sounds nasty that's the other one there

was another girl selling some panty machines but she's not answering i gotta pee man i've been

drinking a lot of water today yay for me but that means i gotta urinate really you know really

seriously right now i gotta pee i know i just started the show sorry guys it'll be quick i

swear it's just a pee i'm not gonna end up in the kitchen you know making a uh sandwich i will come

I'll come straight back, I promise.

But I will play a prank call for you guys in the meantime.

Let me know, is there a problem with the request a prank form?

Brad was saying he thought there was a problem with it.

But his submission went through to me.

Brad, if you're listening right now, you said you were having trouble sending a request a prank.

I got the submission from the site.

I got the form emailed.

I don't know if it just didn't confirm for you or not.

If anybody else can hit me up or post in the chat room if you've tried to do a request a prank,

if it's giving an error or something like that.

And that's something I can look into and maybe involve Enigma, who is kind of like our webmaster here from Madhouse.

And we can take a look at that, see what's going on.

Okay, here's a prank call called Blasphemous Com...

No, I don't want to play that.

Here's a call, which I'm presuming is to an Iranian hotel, a hotel in Iran,

about me wanting to take out a hotel room reservation for one bedroom one room one room

with one bed but two men staying in at the same time which obviously is a sign of the gay and

that's of course a very high offense in the islamic republic of iran so let's listen to that

i'll be back in about two and a half minutes after i urinate and wash my hands and then wipe the pee

off on the floor that I missed with a Lysol

wipe and then wash my hands again

and then I'll sit back down in the chair

and we'll continue right back

just forbidding everybody

hey homosexual milkman

you're back

did you get the tip

did you get the tip how much was your tip

um 52 inches

worth man 52 inches a lot

your vibrator off milkman

Jesus Christ

that right there was my

That's your fucking machine.

No, dude, that was my air blower, man.

It's a dildo you have hooked up to a fucking machine.

It's a mechanically operated dildo, man.

Yeah, that's right.

It's got one of those small gas-powered four-millimeter engines.

You get on all fours, and you sit in front of it, and it goes...

And you make noises like that guy, that prank call Brent Westwood did.

That show is available publicly now.

Now, Brad posted it over at, not Brad, Aaron posted, I'm sorry, Dirty Aaron,

Brent Westwood posted that on brentwestwood.com.

That's the latest show on there.

Be sure to check it out.

Oh, nice.

Because it's in the first, I think it's at the 20-minute mark, I think.

Around the 20-minute mark, you can hear that prank.

The guy about the bunk beds, he just starts going, he just starts going,

it's fucking stupid, man.

What a stupid guy.

anyway

yeah anyway there's a little bit of confusion

no Robocop

I wanted to make sure I cleared this up

I said that Robocop

is one of the admirals

in the fucking movie

it's Peter Weller

who plays the admiral

Admiral Marcus

Marcus in the new Star Trek movie.

That's who I meant by it.

Not literally Robocop sitting at the fucking Starship, assholes.

Peter Weller.

What about who's playing Kirk, man?

Peter Weller, who played Robocop in the first and second theatrical releases of the Robocop franchise.

If you ask me, he is the only Robocop.

There is no other Robocop than the Peter Weller Robocop.

What, Wilkman?

He's the original one, man.

Dude, that guy is definitely a RoboCop.

I remember him.

Dude, he totally got it.

He made that fucking, you know, that fucking role.

He was meant for it.

Well, but then when he switched over to doing calls, man,

they started going by Roy and RBCP and all this shit, man.

But he's still in our chat.

All you RoboCop fans, man, stop by, you know,

at madhouselive.com slash chat and say hi to RoboCop

because he's been known to visit our chat very often.

Will you do something else?

Will you fucking move?

leave the dirt bike track and fuck you know it sounds like it sounds like you're fucking

playing excite bike or something like that man what are you doing where are you are you are

the lot are you in the asian part of town is that why we hear so many rice burners going back and

forth and shit what's going on no you believe it or not you know those little like razors

yes there's little tiny like trike things that's got like the uh um inline skate wheels on them

you know and they're like made of aluminum they fold up and the kids like think they're getting

bad don't want acrobatics on a little piece of in a scooter and shit okay sure yeah i know that

well some retard took one of these looks like a small chainsaw engine and put that son of a

bitch on one of those things and that's what the hell he was hearing i was driving by he got a

little handlebar and he's standing up on his little okay i think we lost milkman hello milkman

i don't know what milkman's deal is we just lost him see if he comes back see if he reconnects

okay let's do more prank calls see what we got here numbers wise we got a captain jack's beach

bar at the sun's pre-resort they have a live webcam they're in galveston texas it looks like

a beach bar at a resort with a live webcam okay that's cool we'll get to that in a moment but

But before that, let me look at Request a Prank here and see what the gentleman here sent in.

Brad sent in some stuff, as well as Ken, Cactus, and Fizz Hiffy.

All right.

Big Ken sends in Professional Female looking for someone to share a studio apartment.

Has anyone messed with Michelle lately?

I haven't heard any.

I didn't listen to Aaron's show last night.

I was sleeping.

I woke up literally just as Aaron's show was finishing last night.

i was kind of upset i wanted to catch at least a little bit of that damn it well ken has a bunch

of these but i'd like to save these towards later um when there's more people on the line with us

after the midnight hour hang on let me read down milkman speaking of which because we lost that

guy we lost him he

might

have moved after what i said in his day of the drop for a second there uh cactus sends in a

a number in india for the majorita beach resort the person whom you're trying to reach currently

unavailable milkman's unavailable right now obviously his skype dropped again anyway um

cactus is in a number for a hotel it looks like in on the beach in india where you can dial directly

to the room numbers which are three digits long all right i got an indication here milkman might

If just come back online

Let's try to call him

Before we do that

Fucking allergies

Killing me man

Hey what's happening man

Hello Pito

Hi yes

I would like to speak

To one of the rooms there

Where someone is staying

Room number 404 please

Room number

404

Yes.

Yes, sir.

One second.

Engage.

God.

Hey, music's getting boring.

Listen, Banchu.

I don't have time to sit here and keep listening to Indian music.

I need to speak to the person.

Yes, sir, but there is no response from the room.

All right, let's try 405, please, honey.

Honey, baby.

405?

Yes, dear.

Thank you.

405, sir?

Yes.

Engage.

One second.

This room is vacant at the moment.

Please hold the line while you are being connected to the reception desk.

It took that long to find out it was vacant?

Jesus.

Hello.

I'm Cheeto.

Hello.

Hi, honey baby.

Yes, sir.

Hi, I need room 406, please.

406.

Yes, dear.

Thank you.

Whom do you want to speak to?

Eddie.

Eddie?

Yeah.

Is he a guest staying with us?

I am the Eddie.

No, no, there's nobody in 406, sir.

That's right.

Oh, what about 407, maybe?

No, what is the guest's name?

Listen, honey, I'm a man, and you're not supposed to ask questions of men.

So many questions to the man, okay?

Sir, but there's nobody in that room, sir.

That's what I'm telling you, no?

I know, but I'm a man and you're a woman, so you need to, you know, cooperate and not ask so many questions.

What, 407?

Sir, there's nobody in that room at the moment.

What about 407?

That's right.

What about, I represent 407.

I'm from Goon City, Orlando.

Hello.

Yeah, no one's in 407?

Yes.

Yeah?

What do you mean, yeah?

Hello?

I need a haircut.

Hey, Bhenchod.

Hello, Bhenchod.

Hello.

Hello, Bhenchod.

Hello.

Hello, yes.

Hi.

May I know whom I'm speaking to?

I am Eddie.

Huh?

I am Eddie.

You're from Modica?

What?

You're from Modica?

I'm from Medica, America.

Erica, how are you saying you...

What's your room number to 407?

Well, I'm from 407. I'm from Florida.

Man, I represent the 407, Goon City.

No, no, what is your room number?

I don't have a room number. I'm looking for someone in 408.

You're looking for somebody. What's the name, sir? You know the name?

No, I don't know the name. It's none of your business.

It's 408 is the number. You just connect me to 408.

That's all you have to do? What's so many questions?

No, you want me to speak to 408? Because 408, no, our computer, nobody is staying in 408.

No, you don't know the room number exactly?

Well, you just give me the name, no.

321?

No, this is Indian guest, Mr. Jyoti.

Oh, Mr. Jyoti, hold on, please.

Thank you.

Hello, can you put me on hold?

so I can hear the music.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

I request, and returning once again to you live,

the Frito Bandito.

I am a Frito Bandito.

I like Cheeto.

He's my hermanito.

Oh, this is great.

We've got to save this song, man.

This is a big song.

I am a Cheeto hermanito.

I am a Frito Bandito.

Unfortunately, the person you are trying to reach

is not available at the moment.

please leave your personal message after the tone,

and they will return your call as soon as possible.

Should you wish to be connected to the operator,

please press hash after the tone.

Oh!

I'm pressing hash.

Oh, no, I hung up on Milkman, too, on accident.

Son of a bitch.

Call him back before he gets mad.

Why'd you hang up on me?

Damn it.

That's that super mouse, dude.

Hey, there you are.

I'm sorry.

I hung up on you because I'm a stupid.

Ah, no, no, no.

The machine is a stupid.

You're a cheetah.

though. His machine is a stupid

machine.

Let's see if we can get that guy back, because he's kind of funny.

He still let me through to a room

without a name.

I love it, man. It's great.

I'm going to ask him.

I saw many questions.

What's the lowest cast?

Yes, hello. Are you a Dalit?

Or what are you?

Are you a Dalit?

I'm thinking too.

That's the only one I remember.

What are they again? Dalit?

Yes, hello.

I was trying to find out why the number 386 didn't work out.

What happened?

386?

Uh-huh.

I'm trying to connect you on that.

I cannot answer the call here.

Ulu.

Hello.

Yes.

I said they are not answering.

ring? Is there any way I can

get through to 386 or

what about 321? Well, you put

me through to 321. I'm sorry.

Now, 386 is a little more northern.

386 is

northern central Florida.

Hello? Hey, asshole.

You asshole, bloody bastard. Hey, come on

now. I'm just upset because... Come on, you come

here, idiot. I'll show you. I'll show you.

You idiot, don't crack what? I'll show you.

You don't have the names properly.

I'll show you how to fuck, you asshole.

Bancho.

Wow.

Wow, Bancho.

He figured out what I'm pretty good at.

Oh, shit.

Listen, bastard.

Are you going to fuck your mother?

Bastard.

Bancho.

Bastard.

Did you hear that show they did?

Well, they did a show the other night,

and they had these guys explaining in a true dialect

the words Bancho and what they all meant.

Oh, really?

Hello, Bancho.

You hung up on me Ben Jordan, but this is a problem. Yes. Are you a Dalit asshole Dalit stupid?

You to you to meet you the same go clean my

Work I make you clean

Do you clean the proper name asshole stupid

How many fathers do you have

No, I only have one father

you may have a hundred followers

you have a hundred followers

very indignant

that guy's pretty funny

you may have a hundred followers

he sounds like he's 18 years old

and he's just you know

he's upset

you sound like you're trying not to have a heart attack

you're like totally blowing this guy's mind

what you talking

he wasn't happy

He wasn't happy with that.

I can't understand that bottom, man.

He just didn't quite appreciate it.

My goodness.

Maybe we should call up and get back on a good footing.

Maybe we should start off on the wrong footing.

That's all.

Give him a little bye.

20, 30 minutes to recover,

and we'll give him a little bug back in a little bit.

Friendly greetings.

Hello.

I mean, you're a bastard.

I'm trying to get information.

What is the fucking caste system?

I don't know by heart.

C-A-S-T-E.

Well, I know how to spell it, stupid pendejo.

I'm looking for the fucking diagram that tells you on that caste,

ancient Indian caste system, who was up top and who wasn't.

Caste system.

You put members of.

Here we go.

I got it.

Google images for the win.

All right.

Yeah.

I don't even see Dali.

I think Dali was, like, really, it was worse than the Pariah.

Like, surf.

That's like surf.

That's almost like surf.

It's below peasant.

It's like surf.

Yeah, because Pariah is the lowest, the outcast, the untouchables.

And you have Sudra.

Going up, you have Sudras, Vaisyas, Kashitrias, and Brahmins who are at the top.

Brahmins are the priest machine.

That was my ex, man.

She was Brahmin.

Oh, yeah, sure she was.

She lied to you.

Her dad was political over there.

She was a Sudra.

That's the truth, milkman.

She lied to you.

He lied?

What a piece of shit.

She was a Dalit.

That's why she was with you.

Good morning, Majid Amis.

Yes, hello.

Are you a Sudra?

Sorry?

Are you Sudra or Pariah or Dalit?

I'm sorry, we don't have anyone in my team working with us.

No, in the caste system, you know?

Sudra.

You know what a Sudra is?

Sudra.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, I don't know, sir.

Do you know, do you know what a Dalit, a Dalit, you know who that is?

No, I'm sorry.

Oh, come on.

Is that, is there a man I can talk to, the man?

Yeah, all the time, please.

Thank you, honey.

Oh, asshole.

Oh, they just hung up.

That guy doesn't want to mess around with me or joke around anymore.

Well, that was fun.

Uh, who sent that in again?

That was Cactus.

Good work, Cactus.

We had fun with that guy.

We've been dealing with him for a little while.

We're going to move on.

um yeah fizz hiffy sends in a number for someone who owns uh a car i guess maybe what is this new

image auto body and paint complaining about shitty work or accusing him of stealing something

sentimental i guess it's an auto bottle auto body and paint shop and uh they're in utah that means

they're mormons probably so mormons don't know how to fix cars and stuff they don't even believe

even cars they don't eat they don't eat pork they don't uh drink caffeine or alcohol i mean come on

what is the deal here what is piss milkman hi this is i'm currently on the other line or helping

another customer so if you would please leave your name enough you shut up all right here are

the requested pranks that came in from brad carter let me start the music machine here again blow my

my nose at some point here anyway brett has a few numbers that were posted on facebook today

some facebook numbers along with the name of one of their facebook friends and he recommends the

whole reference check thing you call say you're from walmart with a reference check and then you

say stupid things uh we also have chris who's looking for a cheap car or bike

he's offering to sell his truck in exchange for a cheap car or bike and he's leaving the state of

of ohio let me give him a call again this is sent over via request a prank at our website

madhouse live.com by brad carter a good friend of ours here who is also allowing us to simulcast

the show on cacti radio phone losers.org cacti radio.com all those websites just like 10 fucking

websites you know but he's so stupid he doesn't just think of one specific one i don't i don't

get it brad really pisses me off man really piss me off sometimes hello well hello there big guy

i understand you're wanting to leave ohio you're looking to sell the truck and get a cheap car

i'm sorry what was that i have a honda civic a 2001 honda civic and i wanted to sell it cheap

who are you i'm eddie eddie garcia and where are you from i'm from the internet i don't want you

you to leave ohio please can you stay in ohio don't go i'll sell you i'll sell you the cheap

car don't go please what an asshole sporty board yeah cacti radio is dead i don't know what your

call has been for i don't know what to call it i don't know the station is still there the stream

is still there i don't know if it's pla radio i don't know is it cacti radio is it phone losers

radio machine i don't know what the fucking call it so when i come here during the week and i want

to give a plug and thanks for being on this station i don't know what station to say i don't

know what to call it you know brad if you're gonna have a shoutcast station come up with a name man

come up with a a station a network name and stick to it man don't be uh phone losers this cacti this

that's the problem man you need to focus you need to all all these assets you need to put them under

one umbrella have one face out to the public you know that's why google's doing that's what google's

doing you know brand everything milkman you're back hey wanted to mention yeah i hear you

asshole listen i wanted to mention and a big thanks to then uh who set up that mumble server

we have a voice chat thing milkman did you try it yet stupid i haven't tried it but uh yeah i

didn't want to bring that up too man and uh what what's the uh what's the word on it man well you

You want to go out and install the Mumble voice clients, and then you want to have your connection in that point to voice.madhouselive.com.

You can also use Mumble, M-U-M-B-L-E, mumble.madhouselive.com.

I'm talking mumble.madhouselive.com, Milkman, and you can get on there, too.

You're a big fan of voice chatting.

That's how you meet girlfriends and stuff.

you can go in there hey is kdk gonna be on there man i need to i need to talk to your friend

maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe he will be milkman you should go there because you never know

kdk could show up when you're such a big fan i even knew and kdk will have her own private

conversation yeah very good okay no nooners is gonna get sexy nooners is going to get sexy that's

It's an image.

You have no idea what Nunu looks like after all these years.

It's an image that freaks me out.

Dude, he's got, like, false teeth.

He's got tourette's.

And he works at Tesco's.

I mean, it's, you know, you know what he looks like.

Come on, man.

He's got big, thick, pop bottle glasses.

Uh-huh.

He stutters a lot.

Yeah.

Okay.

He stutters when he types, man.

Yeah, yeah.

Uh-huh.

Hey.

That's our man.

Uh-huh, yeah.

He's an old friend of that madhouse.

Yeah.

He is a boss in a way.

Okay.

Okay, Ryan is, I wanted to mention Ryan, Big Ryan, over on Facebook, got with me, and he created a list, Volume 1, nope, man, check this out, he created Volume 1 of the Best of Madhouse, the Best of the Madhouse Prank Calls, going over all the years.

In whose opinion?

In his opinion, yeah, from what he heard, he went through all the prank calls, all the shows, and made a list of the best ones,

and he and he has a list of 173 prank calls and we said yeah and it's in uh it's in four

different zip files i'm gonna try to figure out a way to share this uh for anyone some guy ryan

on his own time uh he did that ryan yeah the guy ryan he's not ryan milk right not that no no ryan

milk someone else milkman geez some guy named ryan friend fan of the show on his own time he did that

had any uh i'm hoping to pass out on i might make a torrent file out of it or i'll just offer it as

a big download on the website separately in the forums or something so you can just get that list

it's it's a pretty good uh list there's some prankster that i totally forgot about that made

me chuckle when i heard like an html thing you click on it takes you there or yeah all the calls

in order no it's it's it's a zip file with all the mp3s in there uh in a in a numbered in a

numbered order yeah there's 173 it's i think it's like 12 hours worth of pranks uh so that

motherfucker has to be huge man even at 64 man that's a lot of time man there's a lot of time

he did a good job so thanks ryan he's working on a volume number two he even made an intro for it

an outro and he made uh he made a poster uh for it and everything it looks yeah it looks really

totally dope man yeah so thanks all right gold stars for ryan man i'm gonna be incorporating

that in the site so be on the lookout for that i'll make it available here uh during the week

all right all right i'll put a link in facebook and on the site for it okay nice yeah it is nice

man anyway so uh let's get to some more prank calls what do you say there buddy

let me go back to request a prank see what else we got here tina is asking if anyone is trying

to reach her via phone and can't she wants to remind us all that she dropped it and it went

down the toilet oh poopy that sucks man phone in the toilet you know luckily that happened to me

me once last year my i had a it wasn't my galaxy phone it was my second android phone my htc uh

g2 phone uh fell in the toilet i took it right out and luckily it has a removable battery

compartment i took the battery right out like you're supposed to and i dried it off as best

as i could luckily i hadn't peed in the toilet yet like it fell right came off of my hip clip

right as i was getting ready to start peeing but anyway so like like stream was coming out in mid

area halted real quick no i was in the process of unzipping my pants and uh the uh the phone

flopped out of the little hip oh hell did the tip get wet no i didn't get wet milkman but anyway

what i did when i got home is i put that's what you get when you got horse cock man the water

find out the water's awful damn cold ain't it yeah okay yeah sure i put the i put the phone

I had my phone in a bag of rice overnight, and I took it to work with me in a bag of rice, and 24 hours after it happened, I took the phone out of the bag of rice, put the battery in, and started up like a champ.

So that does work.

That trick, especially if you can take the battery out of your phone, if you have the kind of phone that you can remove the battery out, if you do that as soon as it falls in a pool or gets wet or gets dunked or whatever, and you do that bag of rice thing, I can attest that that did work.

That did work.

It saved the phone.

The key to the toner and electronic piece of equipment in liquid is to make sure before you do anything is to, like you said, remove the battery or whatever.

If you cannot remove the battery, try to turn it on after it's been done.

Say, oh, maybe it'll work because if that moisture is on the circuit board, it will short it out and most likely rot your expensive piece of electronics.

whereas if you

throw it in the bag

a few hours later

maybe by tomorrow

it'd be drying rate

but don't turn that shit on

and don't take the battery out

if possible

and then throw it in the bag

yeah

but that bag of rice thing works

because the rice absorbs it all

but it's

you know

the rice doesn't get inside

little parts

you get the same effect

that you put it in baking soda

but you get

brown rice

or white rice

I use white rice

I don't know

brown rice too I guess

did you fry it or steam it

boiled it

Was it fried or steamed?

Fried rice.

I think it probably tasted better if you did fried rice.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message.

Toilet fried.

And the other thing, Ed, here's one thing, though.

I remember I didn't throw away the bag of rice, and I think I made rice the other day,

and it might have been in that bag, so wouldn't that have...

Did it kind of lend me, like, sour-y, like, tea kind of taste of it?

It smelled like toilet cleaner.

Oh, man, nice, dude.

Now you know that bone was fresh.

Dark Stranger has rice bags on her chest.

Are we on stream?

Yes.

Why wouldn't we be?

The place isn't cut out and went back to rotation.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

The mailbox belonging to...

It says we should be on the stream.

It says live now, but there's rotation coming out of the stream.

I'm listening to it.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, hang on.

Let me fix that.

Give me a second.

Give me a second here.

Yeah, they don't know what they're saying.

But it's some call.

You're talking to some woman on the call.

No one can hear it right now.

Alright, I'll fix it.

Everyone else is still connected.

I said, I'll fix it.

I got it.

Fix it, I said.

Alright, that should have fixed it.

Good, now we're back on Madhouse.

Big fucking deal.

Wanted to play a prank call for you here, Milkman.

I want to see what you think about it.

Oh, okay.

Alright, sure.

Now we're back on Madhouse.

Let me see if I can find...

Let me see if I still have it here.

Oh, okay.

I might have deleted it on accident.

Dalit?

Yeah, I might have Dalit-ed it.

That's what the Brahmins do to us, Dalit.

Delete the Dalit.

Or Dalit the Dili.

Well, I think this is the file.

Let me see if this is it.

Hang on.

All right.

Let me see.

Look at it.

Spit on the ground.

Give me a price, right?

You've got it.

I don't think that's it.

Thank you very much.

And we know to talk, bitch.

Nunu has begun stuttering.

He's awake.

Look at the chat, man.

We're being flooded with stutterings.

Who gives a shit?

Who gives a shit about Nunu?

Anyway, I can't find the file.

So never mind.

fine uh maybe next week damn it anyway getting back to the prank calls let's see what else we

got here from lonesome loser real quick you know what what we came on late so we did not go through

what we talked about the other night pre-show what we talked about last night the other night

oh yeah other night pre-show didn't go down right because i got here and came on late right

yeah yeah i'll bring that up in a moment okay i'll bring it up in a moment here for everyone to hear

man you know what i'm in the mood for milkman um ride horse unrelated to this uh we're about to

call a domino's pizza in australia but anyway what i'm in the mood for man is uh a mcgriddle

uh sausage and bacon mcgriddle man you ever have a mcgriddle milkman you ever try those

no oh you gotta try like you know how you go to mcdonald's and they got the breakfast sandwiches

Is it like a pretzerito or something?

No, it's better because it's like, you know, they got the muffin and they got the McMuffin sandwiches, right?

Or you can get the biscuit instead, you know, depending on what you're in the mood for.

Yeah, but if you pay a little more, you can get the McGriddle version of the sandwich.

And it's like, how do you explain it?

It's almost like a pancake bread, and it's infused with butter and syrup in the bread.

What the heck?

Really?

You've never had a McGriddle?

dude go out where are you is there mcdonald's you gotta go out tonight and get yourself a

mcgriddle or tomorrow morning go get yourself a mcgriddle just try it man just just splurge

a little bit i said it's a pancake sandwich i'll be damn no i hadn't heard it it's basically like

a pancake you don't get dirty or any you know you're it's it's infused in the in the it's like

a pancake bread with infused with syrup it's really hard to explain you just you gotta have

one yeah it tastes good man it just i'll be dark yeah i've never had that i don't do much

Actually, there's much McDonald's since I lost all the weight.

McDonald's.

I have usually much less McDonald's, but occasionally I'll go in for a breakfast.

Maybe I'll look it up and see if I can catch one.

Oh, yeah?

Okay.

Cool, man.

That's really cool.

Sounds like a good hit, man.

Seriously.

Diabetic Death Wish is the McGriddle.

Cool.

Yeah, if you're diabetic, you don't want to have a lot of those.

But just for fun, sometimes I get a McGriddle, you know?

You know who would know a lot about the McGriddle is Evil Artie.

I'm trying to connect him now.

He's on Skype.

Ah, I see.

Hey, what's up, Artie?

Hold on, I've got to plug my phone in.

It's almost dead.

Artie, Barty, Small Artie.

Hey, Artie.

Artie, we're doing a show.

We're on the air, man.

I know.

All right, I'm connecting you because you're our fast food correspondent here.

Milkman has never had a McGriddle.

How would you describe the McGriddle?

Do you like them?

A McGriddle?

Yeah, you like them?

Didn't they get rid of them?

No, they still got them.

You don't like them?

Well, at my McDonald's, over the McGriddle on the menu, it says,

no longer available, new product coming soon.

No.

Yeah.

How could they get rid of the McGriddle?

No, it's the best shit ever.

It's like a fucking pancake and a sandwich at the same time.

Yeah, Milkman, you better go grab the McGriddle before they take him away.

Oh, my God.

Dude, I was just looking here in the trade magazines, man, and the rumor is out.

They're going to be replacing the McGriddle.

It says right here, man.

They'll be soon replacing the McGriddle with the McGristle.

McGristle.

I need that too.

Yes, man.

Man, we got to get Jack on this, man.

This is perfect.

Jack Matheson will become a new convert to McDonald's breakfast.

Yeah, I don't know.

Hey, Artie, man, you got like an echo over there.

You got your headphones on?

I'm trying to untangle some headphones.

Okay.

All right.

Well, I mean, according to this story,

they're saying that McDonald's is planning on selling the McGriddles 24 hours a day coming up soon.

Like all day long, you can get the McGriddle.

And you can also get the McGrissel.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know.

No, they're saying that there's a plan.

Apparently, they're testing out a plan with McDonald's to sell breakfast 24 hours a day, all day long.

That's what Bojangles has.

You can get breakfast any time you want at Bojangles, man.

All they're trying to do is move on yak in the box.

Yak in the box has always done it that way.

You can get anything, any time.

Yeah, well, McDonald's' strongest fucking thing is their breakfast.

That's the strongest thing they have.

have is they they're always on top of the fast food breakfast and and they've kind of pushed

into the uh they've taken over starbucks from what i understand for the uh coffee drinks the

mccafe coffees you know the the lattes and stuff like that they've taken over that they're they're

number one in the country at least probably the world and it's good stuff so i would it would make

sense for them to start offering the breakfast 24 hours a day because that's that's that's one of

their strong performers you know in the corporate portfolio that's that'll be nice then if that's

their strong suit dude then you know people can get it even if they're late that's a no-brainer

because as a matter of fact somebody wakes up in the middle of the night man and that's their

schedule man like you then it's perfect well you know what pisses me off i work night shift if i

go to mcdonald's on my lunch break at three in the morning all i can get is breakfast that's all i

can get i can't get a fucking burger which pisses me off right i want a mcburger i don't want them

i don't want breakfast necessarily every fucking time i go to lunch i would like well now with the

a new menu you can order the mcgristle and you get the best of both worlds yeah why the fuck

does it end at 10 30 talk of chewy meat between the two slabs of mcgristle and therefore they

call it the mcgristle yeah well there you go arty that's the question why does it have to

stop at 10 30 that's stupid they should get away from that and apparently that's that's a street

beat they're testing it out in some test markets they're probably tested out orlando is well known

already uh for being a test market for all the restaurant chains in the country all the

corporate restaurants so because it's a tourist area yeah yeah yeah because so many people from

what about mcmicky what do you think mcmicky gotta say everybody likes mcmicky so they're

interested to see what mcmicky fans like i know vegas is a big test market for those same reasons

you get a lot of tourists coming in so you get a whole scope of uh you know the country as far

opinions you know they survey the people after they try the new stuff see if it works out if

it sells and it's a good indication of the rest of the country will uh take off if they roll it

out nationwide that's that's my place orlando vegas i think new york and tampa not tampa um

la i think those are the four i know orlando's on top of the list you want to call the mcdonald's

buy me the starship enterprise one yeah give me the number yeah and we'll uh starship enterprise

one what are you talking about this is starship enterprise what's right down the road uh the

mcdonald i don't remember where the mcdonald's is by you the one by i4 yeah enterprise oh the city

of enterprise okay yeah all right i got you i don't remember that town that much man i do

i guess all right anyway so yeah send me the uh do you have the number on you

Can you get it?

We're on your phone, so you can.

My phone's fucking up right now.

I'm trying to pull it up.

All right, well, tell Lonesome.

I'm sure he knows what McDonald's or he can find it.

He'll send it to me if he's paying attention, if he's got his open ear.

Let's get to more prank calls.

People are getting restless, okay?

You can't talk too much on this show because people are like,

I don't know.

Do a prank call.

Yeah, the dinner's just a stutter and it's got to be some of a stuttering shit.

I don't know.

I can't have a fucking decent conversation about the fucking fast food industry without

people.

Well, I mean, we are we are getting new information out there about the McGristle.

And, you know, see, the Newters is absolutely upset about this because he realizes that

now he's not going to be able to protect that much is less, much less than McDonald's food

because his chompers got the wooden teeth and then wooden teeth don't do very good on

gristle all right here anyway good good good thing man no ben seriously get that fucking

mcgriddle in you before they take it away because they may be phasing it out all right all right

all right dude if i can get stuff in my ass man should i get sideways or long ways i don't know

just do it look here's a girl named becky who lost her cell and contact numbers all right here

we go it's actually funny i was just at mcdonald's yeah sweet teaing it up maybe one dollar any size

Size, man.

Any size?

Yeah, any size.

That sweet tea is bomb.

You know what I do?

I get the unsweet version, and I put my own, I put Stevia in it, so it's an all-natural.

Enhanced with corn syrup.

Not only sweet, it's enhanced corn syrup.

Yeah, I wouldn't do the sweet tea.

I'd sweeten it myself.

I know a guy who takes a McDonald's sweet tea, and he adds like five packets of sugar to it.

Why the hell does he just take a cup of hot water, just a cup of sugar, and inject it in there?

That'd be just a slight bit quicker, but not much.

I don't know, this, the fucking guy, he's like, this ain't real, you know, real southern sweet tea's gotta have a lot of sugar, so I take the McDonald's stuff, and I tell him, give me five packs of sugar, and I dump them in there, and I mix it myself, that's how you make real sweet tea.

All right, damn fuck, you go, dick box.

He used to go to school with me.

He went to college with me.

Yeah, it was this redneck guy who was in my fucking fiber optics class.

He used to be a mechanic, and he was a Vietnam vet, and he was fucking as redneck as they come.

And this guy, he was a racist redneck, and he lived in Pine Hills, which, as you know, is like the ghetto.

What the fuck?

Yeah, seriously.

And he told me, he was like, I don't like most Puerto Ricans, Carlito, but you're pretty cool, Carlos.

I like you.

you're you're a good guy you don't look rick and anyway he said that to me like twice go for a damn

chica yeah he's like i thought you was italian or something boy i didn't know you was rick and i was

like no i'm poor rican yeah i was like well yeah and he told me the fucking sweet story he was a

vietnam vet and he he worked as a gm mechanic and he lost his job and he applied for unemployment

and veterans affairs said well you can either you know you can either get an unemployment for

for two years or we'll keep your benefits going and you go re-educate yourself so he's like all

right i'm gonna learn how to do fucking fiber optics and electronics so he was going to the

community college with me and he was in fiber optics and this guy knew fucking he could he

he taught himself calculus and shit like he was a fucking genius at i was like dude really he's

like oh man yeah i got this calculus thing down and i've never done this before but i understand

he was all into the calculus and shit but anyway yeah that redneck guy he's fucking he had he had

black teeth like his teeth were all fucked up and you could tell it was drinking fucking he was

taking mcdonald's fucking ice you know sweet tea and adding you know five packets of sugar to it

hey brushing his teeth with brown sugar damn it powdered sugar hey big ken's here the monkey man

how you doing man frank's and beans frank's and beans yeah okay no i didn't know what's really

really awesome is they're bringing that habanero quarter pounder back for a

permanent basis.

Really?

It's a permanent thing.

I haven't had it yet.

I've seen it on the menu,

but I haven't had it.

That damn Elmo Shackle Canners.

There's that damn troublemaker.

They're just trying to be like Burger King.

They're trying to match them.

That angry whopper is really good,

man.

It's too angry.

It's gone.

It's,

it's only once a year.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Nine.

Burger King is trying to get a product like the McRib that they bring out

once a year and everyone,

and the media and everyone goes fucking nuts about it they keep trying to find something that's like

yeah bring those quarter pounders back

you know what those assholes need to do is bring back two for two uh quarter pounder with cheese

back in you know 2099 2000 2001 used to be able to buy two quarter pounders with cheese for two

dollars i was all i was all over that man yeah already you don't remember that you're not

that young man oh yeah i remember when they took that away at first they replaced it with the big

mac they're like all right it's not quarter pounders anymore it's big mac i'm like oh all

right fine i guess this sucks and then they made it the mcdouble and now i think that even the

mcdouble isn't even a dollar anymore the well the double still a dollar the double cheeseburger is

a dollar something it's more than a mcdouble right mcdouble sucks it puts the time when i bought it

they put so much mayonnaise on the mcdouble i don't like it at all the mcdouble comes with

lettuce and like a fucking blob of mayonnaise in it ruins it not the ones i get it only has

pickles onion yeah i've i've never had mayonnaise on a mcdouble yeah they do maintenance on the big

and tasty and that mcdouble shit did you i don't know maybe it's different now i don't know i don't

go there that much hey baz is here speaking of seattle earlier here's big baz yo what's up yo

Yo, man.

You ever have a McGriddle, Baz?

What's your take on the McGriddle?

No, you know, I've never had a McGriddle.

I'm not sure if we have them here on the West Coast.

Oh, that sucks if they don't.

What about Ken?

Ken, he says.

Ken had a McGriddle, sir.

Nope.

The guy had a McGriddle around here a couple years ago, at least.

Wow.

We always get a turn on the good fast food here on the West Coast.

Yeah.

That's one thing I miss of Orlando.

A lot of places to eat.

Is there a fast food restaurant anywhere you look?

All right, here's someone who has a new cell phone named Ann.

Ann, rather, Ann.

She gave her number out on Facebook for everyone to call.

We'll do this one off of Brad's list,

and then we'll continue with some more lonesome loser numbers in a moment.

Keep sending in your requested pranks.

We will try to get to them as much as possible.

Oh, dude, Carlito, I forgot to tell you this.

What?

The other night, I went to the McDonald's over by where the Food Lion used to be.

McDonald's, Food Lion.

Okay, yeah.

Across the street.

Yeah.

And there was a fucking Muslim woman working there with a full fucking burqa on.

Really?

I've never seen that shit.

I think I saw that.

Where did I see that?

In Orlando.

West side of Orlando.

It was in a McDonald's.

And the girl who gave me my bacon fucking sandwich had the burqa on.

I was like, this is just wrong, man.

Like, I remember.

It was with my ex-girlfriend.

and we were headed to the Central

Florida Fair, and we stopped there

for breakfast, and I was like,

isn't there something weird about a Muslim

in a fucking burqa handing me

a fucking

bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich?

It was,

I don't know, conflict of interest, I guess.

I guess as long as you're not eating it.

She was granted a dispensation from the imam.

I would hope so. As long as she's

not touching them or making them, she's okay.

It's in the bag, right? You're good.

What if she's like, oh, I can...

Numbers to back it up.

I cannot serve juice.

You could have asked her if there was extra bacon on it.

Number isn't fucking ringing, goddammit, son of a bitch.

Ninu has a good idea for Indians.

He says to call Indians about arranging marriages for them.

Gay marriages for Indians.

Indians, as you know, for the most part, have arranged marriages.

What's that like?

Hi, girl.

Come again.

Hi, girl.

Your call has been forwarded to an automated...

Bullshit.

Yeah, what did I mention?

I was trying to...

I think I got the point across.

I do want to do a later show tonight because I started late and I've been drinking coffee,

so I should be able to stay up a little bit longer.

And I don't work tomorrow until late.

I don't work for another 24 hours, so I can stay up a little bit tonight.

Took a nap before the show, you know?

So there you go.

Buckle yourselves in as long as the show's still going good.

I'll stay on for a little later, maybe 3 o'clock or something.

I don't know.

We got a request here.

Dude, I haven't smoked in like a day.

Oh, my God.

Big Juan here wants us to play the Pasquale prank from back in the day.

Milkman, are you still here?

We still got you, man.

Milkman, you might be with a customer.

All right.

Anyway, what were you going to say already?

Were you going to say something?

Yeah, I haven't smoked in like two days.

Why?

It's really taken its fucking toll.

You've been out or you're just broke?

Well, that and I might have to pass a drug test.

You got a job coming up?

No.

You know those people, right?

Yeah, the lesbians?

Well, no.

No, no.

No, the people who want me to get the job.

Uh, no, the people who want to make money.

Okay, yeah, they're going to drug test you?

Possibly, I don't know.

Oh, shit.

All right, well, you get a Wizinator.

All right, I'll be right back.

Let me play this Pasquale prank that someone is requesting

whilst I go take care of the cat real quick.

Be right back.

Thank you, sir.

Hello.

Hey, may I speak with Pasquale, please?

Yes, I'm speaking.

Hey, Pasquale, how you doing, you asshole?

Who's this?

I've got a problem with you.

Yeah, what's the problem?

Well, it seems to me you came down here, used our toilet, you didn't flush it, and now it's messed up.

I never used it. I don't know what you're talking about.

You used my toilet here the other day, you son of a bitch, you retard.

My toilet. Describe it to me.

I don't know what you're talking about. I've been in the house. I haven't been out.

Well, it was last week.

No, I don't use anybody's toilet, bro.

I got a good mind to go down there, Pasquale, and punch you in the chest.

Yes.

For what?

I don't remember.

I swear on my mother.

I don't know who, what house are you, what are you talking about?

Well, look, your mother's here right now with me, and she's not very happy.

Yes.

My mother's dead.

So how are you going to swear on somebody who's dead?

What are you, a goddamn heathen now?

No.

I don't know what you're talking about, really, man.

You don't have to talk to me like that, because I'm a human being.

If I did something wrong, I would tell you.

You're not a human being in my eyes.

You're a scum, worse than the earth, piece of crap.

You listen to me.

What?

Come down here, you bring yourself a plunger, and you fix this horrible mess you made, or I'm going to...

I don't remember. I didn't do anything.

I'm going to rip all your leg hairs out and the hair off your ass.

You come over, I'm going to call the sheriff, because I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm going to call the sheriff. I'm a big...

I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm a big vagina. I got a big vagina. I'm Pasquale.

I don't know what you're talking about. I don't remember. I don't use anybody's toilet, man.

Well, you owe me $5 for breaking the toilet.

Breaking the toilet?

What toilet?

Tell me who this is.

The white toilet.

I told you already.

My name is Bo Steen.

Don't know you.

Well, you do now because you're going to come down here and fix it.

You're going to get to know me really well.

I ain't fixing nothing because I didn't break nothing.

I don't use anybody's toilet.

Well, you came down the street.

You live right next door.

You came down.

You used the toilet.

You took a big shit.

I took a big shit?

Yes.

Man, it wasn't me, pal.

It was not me.

You got the wrong guy.

Well, either you come down here and fix it,

or I'm going to go down there and make you drink the toilet water out of your toilet

after I take a big shit.

See if you like it.

Hal, I don't know what you're talking about.

Now you're getting, I don't know what you're talking about.

How big is your nose?

Hey, man, I'm going to call the sheriff.

I'm not afraid of you or your mother.

No.

Well, how big is...

I don't know what...

Hey, look, if I did something, I would tell you.

Well, you're a sinner.

I didn't use nobody's toilet.

You're a sinner.

I'm a what?

You're a sinner.

What's that?

You're a sinner.

You sin against God.

Uh-huh.

How dare you come here to this church and take a shit in the toilet?

The church?

I haven't been in the church.

Well, the pastor said he saw you.

He's got the wrong guy.

You bring the pastor here.

I haven't been in any church.

Oh, now you're going to hurt the pastor.

Bring him here.

Let him identify me.

You just threatened a man of the cloth.

I didn't threaten nobody.

You better confess your sins right now to the pastor or you're going to hell.

Sir?

Enter your destination number.

Hello?

Hey, Pascuale.

You son of a bitch, America.

You son of a bitch, you motherfucking.

I don't speak Spanish.

What the fuck do you want?

I know. You speak, you say.

You motherfucking.

I go ahead, man.

You motherfucking.

You bitch.

Don't never.

I'm punching him out.

Don't ever forget this point, man.

Mow my lawn.

You motherfucking.

Why are you so angry?

Where's Pascuale?

At the few, man.

The following is an exclusive of PCU Radio House 5.

Oh, see?

That's right, everybody.

buddy mow my lawn i uh i'm back can't find davi i don't know where the davi cat's at

unfortunately looking for him i got a problem here because my headphones fell on the ground

and they're all tangled up on another cable and i gotta fix that before we continue hang on

is that what that crash was i don't know what happened here sounded like saul rosenberg

falling down again i think i got it now all right i got it i just can't move a lot but i got it

anyway those were the two pasquale pranks you know from back in the day so where did that mow

my lawn bit come in that just popped into your head at random when you're talking to him i think

i've just heard that at some point being hispanic someone said that to me some redneck probably when

i was in in school just yeah oh yeah it's just you know a racist thing because mexicans mow lawns

i'm not mexican i'm puerto rican you know puerto ricans don't do that kind of work we're above

that but yeah speaking of those lesbians currently though well they have to um decking it out in

front of you yet well have you ever had a friend when you bought from them short you uh i've had

some that have expected you to you know give them a little bit but they don't say it you know but

at least they it's it's on you to break them off a little bit back in the day when i used to do

that kind of thing yeah sure why what happened my last two bags were two grams short well you

You got to tell them that, hey, you know, this is short, you know.

Like, what's up?

I'm just not dealing with her anymore.

Oh, there you go.

Good.

The lesbian drug dealer.

That's your friend.

If you don't hand over a chunk, man, or a slice of a piece, you better expect them to go ahead and light you, man.

Yeah.

If you go ahead and you get a full sack and say, here, man, this is for hooking me up.

Yeah.

You know, better, yeah.

I'd say smoke it with me.

Smoke them out, yeah.

You'll smoke this later when I'm gone.

Yeah.

Or just smoke them.

Well, no, the first bag.

Or you smoke them out.

The first bag, we smoked a fucking four-gram blunt out of it.

Oh, well, then that's okay.

If you offer to smoke them out, or at least give them a little bit.

And she shorted me.

And that's fucked up, then.

Yeah.

Then that's when you come back and say, hey, the number wasn't quite right.

You know, could you hook it up straight this time?

I'm going to pinch you off a chunk.

Just say it.

Yeah, say it.

If I don't fix it, then you maybe better look for a new person.

Yeah, and say you're a lesbian and this is Florida, this is a red state,

and I'll get you locked up and throw the key away.

Tell them, you know?

Besides that, I'll make you take some real penis instead of plastic rubber penis.

You got to tell her that, too.

Yeah, here's an Indian restaurant.

Indian restaurant, everybody.

Our favorite restaurant.

Sweet.

On showtime.

Yeah.

Yes, hello.

My name is Dalit, and I would like to have an order, please.

He's not here.

He'll be here on Wednesday.

Well, what does he do today?

What is he doing?

I'm sorry?

What is he doing today?

Is he with his wife?

Is he fornicating with his wife?

Perhaps.

I'm not sure.

I'm just working here.

Oh, are you related to him?

No.

No?

Do you ever fornicate with him?

You know?

What was that, sorry?

Do you ever do any fornication with him?

Okay, where are you calling from?

I'm calling from the embassy.

Calling from where?

The embassy.

Embassy of what?

The United States Embassy.

Okay, and what was it regarding

It was an order. I have to give him orders.

He's doing some work for us, you know?

I'm not really supposed to talk about it.

But if he's having a sex with someone, then I need to write that down in his file.

You can write whatever you like.

It's just that you can't really call us over here at a workplace with such fine calls.

Okay. What about you, though?

I can't call over there with such calls.

I'll send you the number to McDonald's, by the way.

What was I supposed to ask them, Artie?

about the mcgriddles so they have it marked down that they're getting rid of it yeah that's

bullshit man they first danny's gets rid of the dagwood sandwich the breakfast dagwood you know

you know that thing had 1241 calories in it i think it was that's the best way to start your

day god it had enough calories for like a fucking three days in one meal the thing had 1200 some

calories and that's not including the hash browns and the fucking uh the i think it came with eggs

eggs on the side it came with bacon or eggs on the side it was everything in the breakfast that

you could think of it was it was a like a mini loaf of french bread um right and inside it was

hollowed out and it had scrambled eggs sausage bacon mayo cheese yeah i had just every every

fucking thing in one sandwich the thing was fucking a heart attack in a fucking loaf of bread

but hey but they ended up bringing back i remember once i was complaining about that i was not

complaining but i was mentioning oh they got rid of the breakfast dagwood and the and the girl told

me yeah they got you know well you know we got the you can get the grand slam in a sandwich now

i was like really like yeah it was just about the same thing yeah that's that's this is bad for you

too probably uh okay anyway blah blah blah you said you put that where in the chat room here in the uh

Skype? Yeah. The Skype chat?

The group chat, though. The group chat, yeah, that's

fine. I just gotta figure out how to get the chat

to come up, because it's not coming up for me right now.

What the fuck? There we go. You want me to read it to you?

Uh, no, I got it.

You could've put the plus one in front of it

so I could just click it, but that's fine.

That's fine, I can just copy it here

and waste time and

drone on, paste it,

and here we go, alright.

McDonald's, ask these people out in the griddles.

Yes, mute.

hi i'm over here on my beige computer right i just connected and there's a report that says

that you guys don't have the mcgriddle anymore i'm sorry i didn't understand the question you

don't have a mcgriddle anymore yeah we do have a mcgriddle it's like someone gave me a the report

on my beige computer that it's going to be phased out it says not to my knowledge we still have our

on mcgriddle already all right already already is this the place you said that says they don't

have the mcgriddle anymore yeah dude it says it on where where is it saying on the menu bro

outside yeah hey can you go outside and and look at the menu and see what it says for the mcgriddle

yeah we still have it but there's a sign that says you're getting rid of it okay well i'll

check the sign but to my knowledge we still have our mcgriddle go check it go go and come back i

I want to know what's up.

Go, go, go.

Okay.

I'll be right here.

Are you going?

No, we still have our McGriddles.

Go outside and look at the sign and see what it says for McGriddle.

Go.

I will check them later.

No, check it now.

Come on.

It's important.

Sir, we still have our McGriddles.

I order you to go outside and look at the menu at the drive-thru and see what it says for McGriddle.

I command you.

Okay.

Well, you're not going to order me, and I'm telling you that we have our McGriddles.

Woman, I command you.

I command you to go outside now and give me a report.

I can't command her or order her.

Hey, you should call her back, and I'll complain that I was denied a McGriddle.

I hear you.

Very rudely.

That chick's actually pretty cute.

What's her name? Chesty?

I don't remember.

McGonagall, can I help you?

Yes, I'd like to speak with the manager, please, immediately.

Yes, how can I help you?

Yes, I came in this morning to order some breakfast, and I tried to order a McGriddle,

and I was treated very rudely.

the server said

hey you nigga, we don't sell

McGriddles to your type, go somewhere else

Okay, can I have your name?

Yeah, my name is David Snozwell

Okay David, well I have your number

on my caller ID and I'll make sure my manager

will call you back in the morning

Okay, can she call back tonight?

No, I said tomorrow morning

Why not? Can we have her cell phone? Can we talk to her directly?

No. Transfer me, transfer me please

Okay, well you're going to have to call a corporate for that

I demand that you transfer me

Hey, shit, yeah, that's funny.

Order her around.

What if she actually does have the manager call?

Well, I thought she was the manager anyway.

Didn't she say she's manager?

No, she's probably met the store manager.

She's probably like a shift manager or something like that.

There was always someone up the chain unless you're the CEO, you know?

I was hoping that maybe she could get him to call in.

Even the CEO's got to answer to the board of trustees, you know, Artie?

And they got to answer to the stockholders.

There you go, man.

And then the stockholders...

Who do the stockholders answer to?

their wives basically yeah or their husbands nobody haven't you figured it out the jews

jango unchained i haven't seen it yet i really do want to get that holy shit it's good i heard

it was good i just watched the uh new texas chainsaw 3d that came out on tuesday that was

That's actually a pretty damn good movie.

Meh.

3D.

I can't see the 3D.

I got the cataract in the right eye, so.

Well, I didn't watch it in 3D at home.

It came on Blu-ray, but when it was in theaters, it was in 3D.

Oh, you can make it 3D at home.

You need the TV and the glasses and the Blu-ray and the player.

I've got the Blu-ray player that'll do it, but not the TV.

You got the cable.

You need the cable.

You need the monster cables.

Yep.

I don't buy monster cables.

That shit's a rip-off.

You gotta get the surround sound.

You gotta get all that stuff just to get 3D.

Fool of me, asshole.

All right.

The lottery.

Sporty Board is reminding us of the lottery.

Yes, pretty soon someone will be banned at random for no reason at all in the chat room.

Prepare for that.

You know what I'm saying?

Prepare for this.

Let's call some gas stations asking if they'll cash my $590 million lotto ticket.

Okay.

That's awesome.

And then try to ask the girl out now that you're a millionaire.

Yeah.

Anyway, let's continue on with the show.

I just saw something really funny, but I got to vet this information first before I continue with it.

That looks really funny.

Anyway, maybe some of you know what I'm talking about.

I'm looking at Lonesome Loser numbers here.

We have another Indian restaurant.

Artie, thanks for the McDonald's, by the way.

That was kind of funny.

Yeah, it was.

Anyone want to do an Indian restaurant?

I got a whole shmalorgity of them.

Yeah.

I just made that word up.

Okay, these are all in Australia.

Nice.

Here's the Monique.

Indian restaurant in Australia?

Yeah.

Yep.

yeah yeah they're extra angry over there that's the street beat we're getting uh what kind of

accent would they have oh you'll hear in a second here's the monica indian restaurant for david

snazwell monica sounds like a black girl monica with a black girl who with a big purse monica

big i'd say a big pink purse you know or a denim purse you

know they might be in between

lunch and dinner right now that's a shame i'll do the next one here's the next indian restaurant i

guess it's not really important to know the name of it but gadia in case i'm just gonna ask for

boncho and if i can shit in the tandoori oven hey how do you say there flapjack you guys serving

dinner right now oh this is gadia yes indian restaurant indian food yes yes may i place an

an order please uh when is it for i would like to order food may i order food when for when for

because we are not open just now oh when do you open for dinner 5 30 5 30 5 30 can i place an

order to pick up right at 5 30 when you open for dinner yeah just hold on one second i'll just get

a okay hold on what you told me to wait 10 minutes just a minute okay what time is it there

Sure, it's not 5.30 yet.

Go ahead.

Yes, I'd like one order.

I'd like to order chicken tikka masala, one order of papadums, one order of bhenchod.

Did you get that?

That's possible.

What?

That is possible, definitely.

Possible, great.

Can I get extra gandu sauce with that?

Yeah.

Can I have your number first, please?

I don't know.

I'm American.

I'm using some cell phone.

I don't understand your numbering system here.

I'm staying at the hotel.

Which hotel?

The one near your place.

Which one?

I don't remember the name of it.

I've been drunk the whole time I'm here.

It's called, okay, yeah, it's, I'm staying at, wait a minute, no, no, no, the hotel.

I'm at the Madrachod Hotel.

Okay, so you are also Indian, huh?

Yes, and I'd also like one order of sister.

I would like an order of your sister with chutney.

Yeah, and gandhu, and teri marilan, extra teri marilan,

on with your sister.

No, I want all of that together.

And we're going to eat it together.

And because you're an

Ulu, an Ulu Kapita.

Okay, something else.

Yes, and you're an Ulu Kapita.

What the hell are you saying?

Okay, I don't understand you.

I don't speak

devil people language. Speak English.

You are ABCD, right?

I'm ABCD, yes?

Yeah. What the hell does that mean?

American Daisy, right?

American what?

Say that again, please.

This Australian monkey cell phone is bad.

That's good.

I'm glad.

I understand your language very well.

Yeah, what is my language?

You know you're being recorded here.

You know that, don't you?

Do I sound good?

You sound so well.

Awesome.

Yeah, I didn't give you permission to record this.

I demand that you delete this.

I demand that you delete this immediately.

Not a problem.

Don't worry.

Sorry, you will be tracked down shortly.

Shortly? Do they have a tracing machine?

Oh, yes.

You think a tracer can stop me?

Yeah, you'd be surprised.

What's going to happen?

Yeah.

You tell me.

Is your sister going to come for me?

Sorry?

Is your sister going to come for me?

No, actually, your grandmother is going to come for you.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, you have a grandmother?

No, I don't.

Yeah, send your grandmother. Not a problem.

My grandmother is your grandmother

because my grandpa came to India

and he fucked your grandma.

Uh-huh, yeah.

And then he had a baby.

And so related.

Which year?

Back in 1896.

Yeah, so that makes you ancient, mate.

Yeah, I'm ancient.

That's my grandpa, dumbass.

Hello, hello.

I demand that you answer.

Ancient.

Yeah, I think he's gone.

Here's someone who's an American,

but they're looking for a piano machine.

I've got to mute for a minute.

Okay.

Can I do this?

Hi, you're looking for a piano machine?

Hello?

I have a large piano machine if you'd like to buy it.

Let's make a deal.

Well, you can always use a piano.

You never know when you might need one.

Come on, I really need to get rid of this thing.

Just $1,000 for it.

It's a grand piano.

It's 1230 at night, and you call and ask me about a piano?

Well, I really need my drugs tonight, so I need $1,000 to buy my drugs.

Well, go sell something else of your shit to somebody who cares.

I don't want anything.

Well, it's a really good piano.

It'll play itself to Neil Diamond.

Neil Diamond?

That's awesome.

It'll play...

Lysol is not going to be fucking happy when you don't show up.

It'll play Rod Stewart songs.

Yeah, let me try it.

You're calling it back?

Yeah.

All right, am I taking it?

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

No, I saw that.

All right, well, that worked out.

Not for me.

Let's see.

Someone has two four-wheelers for sale, a 2007 Arctic Cat and a 93 Honda 4-Trax.

I have a request.

What?

Call a restaurant in a Muslim country and ask for alcohol and bacon.

Yeah, that's been done before, though, already.

Oh, it has?

One of the last couple shows that Goose did, they end up calling this hotel and getting

this one random guy out to tell you how it is.

I'm sorry.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Try them again.

Your call has been forwarded.

No answer there.

Here's a gentleman with Big Stock and Bantam Chicks.

My guess is those are baby chickens for sale, $1 each if you pick up.

He's got some little chickens, everybody.

That's a big theme.

Ken, what were you saying?

What happened?

You did a call?

Oh, well, they got a hold of this guy in a hotel just dialing random rooms.

they got this guy named mr motes and he'd been in there drinking and shit and uh they explained to

him like oh yeah this is just a prank and all this he's like oh that's cool and he kept staying

on the phone he actually did a prank call for us he called up this guy selling a jeep or something

and uh he started asking the guy he's like so uh where in the deal is your wife involved the guy's

like uh i don't like you talking about my wife i don't like where this is going to start fucking

fucking flipping out on the hotel guy wow really the hotel guy was fuck he was fucking epic he kept

the guy on the phone for so long that's fucking that's really cool you should did you get more

info from like to contact him later or something does he live there and shit uh ice coos would

probably have that info but i told him to get his fucking cell phone number so we could call him

every week you know what i realized there was a a show you guys did i want to say maybe two weeks

weeks ago maybe three where you were pranking a woman complaining about her in a hotel room

and if you put two and two together with her her saying in the shit that she was saying you figure

out she she lives in a hotel with her husband someone did a prank i don't know which of you

guys it was the prank about stray dogs being brought i think that was you clay wasn't it

was that you the stray dogs were being brought into the no that wasn't you i don't think someone

someone did a prank to a hotel room yeah someone did a prank here to a hotel room and was like

yeah we got you on camera bringing in stray dogs and bringing in like 20 20 stray dogs into your

room and the lady's like absolutely not i've done no such thing and but if you listen you actually

find out she lives there it sounds like she's you know her and her husband have lost their job and

lost their house and there's a lot of people like that now that you actually live in those cheap

hotels because yeah yeah that's all over orlando oh mr motes there he we accused him of smoking

marijuanas we asked him how many marijuanas he had been smoking i'm not smoking marijuana i'm

just drinking he's just drinking that guy's cool man i got me a six pack i like how you guys are

calling him mr motes was he old and shit like milkman old and shit when did they they uh asked

him what his name was they were like we're just trying to confirm that you're the occupant of

the room that's registered and he's like oh my name is moats so he's calling him mr moats

but yeah he was older moats my name is moats all right uh here's the chickens evil rd did

you make it back in yeah skype crashed while i was on mute it does that you know it does it

all time little chicken little chickens for chicken shit clay doesn't do pranks and who

the fuck was it it wasn't you either bad somebody probably did what hello yeah you have some little

Little baby chickens for sale?

Little chickens?

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, and for $1, how many do you have?

I need as many little chickens as I can get.

All right, one second.

I need to talk to my wife.

All right, go count them.

Hello.

Hey, honey baby, you have little chickens for sale for $1?

Sure do.

And how many do you have?

I need to get as many as possible.

I'm looking to fill up my whole little barn that I have here with little chickens.

Uh-huh.

Are they little chicks, or are they grown yet?

yet or how old are they right now uh they range from day old up to about a week old all right so

they're still little baby chickens yeah oh okay all right well for one dollar each how many do

you think you have you think you have like 30 of them uh probably real close to that bill all right

so i'll buy them i'll give you 30 you know for 30 chickens little chickens okay all right and

what i want to do is i want to chase them around the barn and kick them and stuff like that i want

them to be a little older so they can run away

faster, you know? Maybe after

they're like six months old,

then what I'll do is I'm just going to go in there

and take all my clothes and my pants

and my underwears off and just like

run around and chase the chickens.

There's nothing wrong with that. It's fun to do.

You guys ever chase chickens?

Chasing chickens is fun. I used to do that in Puerto Rico.

I used to chase chickens.

I never got naked, but I would just chase them.

I just choked chickens.

When I was a kid in Puerto Rico, I chased my grandma's chickens.

You're going to kill him.

Stop.

She was convinced that they will have little heart attacks, the chickens,

because I was always harassing them.

And you get chicken for dinner.

Hello.

We are not a...

I used to chase them and yell.

I thought it was funny because they're so stupid.

They go, walk, walk, walk, walk, walk.

And you have to eat them, chase them.

Somebody better be goddamn dead.

I liked that.

That was funny.

What?

Yes.

Could you call me back?

Because I can't mute myself.

The call isn't really accessible.

Alright, I'll call you back. Bye.

I think Carlito was a little taken aback by that

fucking answer. Somebody's going to be

goddamn dead.

Hello? Someone's going to be goddamn

dead. Jeez, dude.

Take it easy, man.

Reconnecting already here.

Then you hear him hand the wife the phone.

Somebody call him off to be goddamn chickens.

Hey, man.

He said he wants to take his pants off

and chase by chickens around.

Anyway, what...

When you buy a quarter stick of dynamite,

Is that the same thing as buying an M-80 or something?

Is that the same deal?

No, right?

I bought a...

No, no.

It's more powerful, right?

Yeah, I'd heard at one time that an M-80 was like a quarter stick, but I don't believe it.

All right.

So, I don't know if I ever said this story.

When I was...

I think it was...

All right.

It was my freshman year.

So, 17, 16.

I was 14 years old.

I was in Puerto Rico for Christmas.

And all the chicken...

It was New Year's Eve.

and this guy in the neighborhood was selling fireworks and he had a quarter stick of dynamite

i don't know if it was five bucks ten bucks he was selling it for whatever but i had enough money

and my cousin said hey let's go to what's his face's house buy that quarter stick of dynamite

we'll let it off at new year's eve you know at midnight you know i'm like all right cool we did

you know we got it from the guy and then what i realized is of the chickens in my grandma's house

house they always sleep in this one old tree there's a tree and when it starts getting dark

around 6 p.m or whatever they all jump and fly into the tree and that's where they sleep they

don't sleep on the ground and go up in the tree to roost so i would um i said hey it'd be a good

idea to light off the quarter stick of dynamite right under the tree and that's what we did and

the chickens all keep flying out it was like 30 fucking chickens like

and i remember that my mom got she got mad the thing is we were supposed to do it at midnight

and but we couldn't wait any longer so we ended up doing it like around 10 p.m you know and there

was a bunch of family of them there was a bunch of aunts and uncles and cousins and shit over like

there was about 40 people they were having like a little celebration in my grandma's house

so there was music playing and drinking and stuff and the kids are all like all right let's go let

We let off a quarter stick of dynamite at the base of the tree and all that.

But the thing was, there were people on the balcony, you know, like talking and sitting and drinking and listening to music and carrying on on the balcony.

I think three or four chickens flew far enough to make it to the balcony.

I remember that.

But I got in big trouble.

My mom made me go to sleep before midnight.

She's like, no, you're going to sleep and you can't have fun at the party.

no because you and your cousin we're doing this shit no it was me and my cousin alex we always

did stupid shit we used to prank call in spanish when we were like 10 years old we used to be real

stupid prank calling people in puerto rico old people in puerto rico it was yeah that's that's

where my prank calling started my first prank calls were you know in spanish in puerto rico

with my cousin him you know he's six months younger than me so we were like brothers almost

Almost kind of the way we lived together, we were raised together and stuff like that.

Yeah, I used to live down on a lake.

We used to have these geese all the time come in and try to eat our fucking garden.

So we had this big bag of fucking M80s we bought.

And I'd just sit there, fucking light it and just throw it over in a general area.

Boom, the fuckers would just scatter out to the water.

Like, that's fucking right.

Yeah, so mean, man.

Or if they get too close to the fucking, we lived on a peninsula, they get too close to the land,

fucking like that and maybe throw it in the water and you know that shit's waterproof so boom

fucking big old water fucking fountain would come out of the water scare him away yeah there was

as a matter of fact there was also a stray dog that hung out around the house who was who wasn't

at the tree but it was like three trees down it was kind of in the general area and when that

went off he went running we didn't see him for like two days i remember we don't know where he

went and he like two days later oh there's i forgot his name i forgot what we named him he

had stupid names stupid spanish already no it wasn't already you know when i was in uh college

had a buddy that was able to get his hands on some m200s and m1000s oh shit i think the m1000

is probably about a quarter half stick of dynamite but we uh we took one on the campus and blew up a

garbage can in the middle of one of the main squares at midnight oh my god just ran like hell

i'm sure every campus cop came immediately to that square this is college or high school when

was it was college college that's yeah i'm not gonna say where but it was major university

ivy league not ivy league it was in harvard no it didn't make the news that's not big enough

to make the news in seattle as it didn't harm some people might think it's a bombing

this was back before bombings were cool yeah used to be able to do shit like that like

i had you know here's something when i was remembering the other day i was uh when i was

was like 10 years old for my birthday i was in puerto rico and i had gotten uh it was a water

gun but it was it looked just like an uzi like it was the same shape and size it was black yeah

and that was before they even had the little they made you put an orange tip on the front on the top

of the nozzle you know yeah you know they do that now for the toys but back then you didn't even need

that and what i i had gotten this and it'd been weeks and i was like all right i'm gonna pack all

all my toys in my suitcase and we're gonna go and i put here i put in a fucking plastic uzi

and when i got to security there i remember my mom was with me we got to security the lady's like uh

okay she opened it up and she pulled it out but she knew it was a toy she knew it was plastic

and mom was like oh my god we're in trouble remember her saying i don't worry about it i'll

get it she had to go to her manager and say hey look but she actually walked through the airport

terminal with the this fake uzi like it was a water gun uzi she walked with it and stuff and

no one gave a shit like you know but anyway her marriage says yeah sure no problem let it go

through it's just a toy whatever i'll sign off on it like you couldn't get away with that at all

these days but you know this is oh no this is probably early 90s or late 80s i think it was

88 actually i think it was around eight or nine years old yeah but i remember how it was the more

relaxed like they were like oh okay it's just a toy you know it was more common sense back then

now you can't even fucking part in the airport

yeah if you do that

my mom probably would have been arrested

I would have been strip searched

and we would have missed our flight

if the same thing happened now

they would have cavity searched me

and my mom in front of each other

you know

I would have spit my

I would have spit my fucking beer out right there

I would have been strip searched

seriously I remember that

it was a different world back 20 years ago

go when i was in college um put it this way you're talking about in the 80s i was in college

in the 80s yeah i'm uh i'm in my 40s yeah it's yeah it's different man grandpa okay grandpa

thank you i don't know i remember it was a famous it wasn't a famous but it was big in the 80s it

was this line of water guns that they came with in like this disappearing ink it was red or blue

when you shot someone with it it would come up you know colored but it would disappear

in a few in a minute or two yeah that's that's what it was yeah and what sucked about it that's

i asked for that because i used to see the commercial and i wanted it but it it came with

one of the reef reef refills with it you know the cartridge for the uzi had the liquid in it

but when i went to use it it wasn't working it was just shooting out like uh like some kind of

chemical and what i guess what happened was the seal had been broken during transport of that

little vial and it got exposed to the air and it made it you know clear up the color went away so

i never got to enjoy the whole so it ended up just being a fucking water gun i just refilled it with

water and used it with that yeah but that was uh that was what it was i don't remember that

were they called zappers or something like that i forgot what the hell they were called

uh zap it i just looked it up zap it i remember it was zap something see see i have a memory

zap it 500 shots per uh yeah per fill up because you could you could buy the you could buy cartridges

for like you know refills but they were like expense not expensive but expensive for my mom

she's like you ain't buying that just put water in it so there's the uh picture right there in

a skype chat yeah yeah is it the uzi looking one that you put in the skype chat yeah yeah that's

That would be the one.

Hang on, I haven't pulled it up yet.

My presumption is it's black.

That's what I remember, the one I had at least.

Hang on, I just want to see this real quick.

Squirt gun disappearing ink.

Zappa, yeah, that's it, yeah.

That is the one.

That's exactly what I got through on fucking...

I remember the whole thing being black, though.

It was completely black.

But I remember this is what I was able to get through airport security.

So, yeah.

Anyway, let's continue.

Do you remember back in the syndicate days when I had the fake gun?

I didn't know you had a fake gun.

No, man.

What did you do with it?

And I'd get on cam and just be stupid with it, like, point it in places I shouldn't point it.

Okay.

All right.

But it was a toy.

But it looked real.

Okay.

Yeah.

That's cool.

I got a lot of people worried.

Yeah.

All right.

Cool, man.

Didn't you make a bacon bra?

What did you do with bacon on there?

Didn't you do something sexual?

What didn't I do with bacon?

You did some sexual stuff with bacon a few times, didn't you?

No, I just, like, put it on my body and then heated it up and ate it.

That's kind of gay.

That's kind of weird.

I'm just saying.

I mean, the microwave must have killed all the bacteria.

I'm fine.

Still, that's not cool, man.

Didn't you do the whole thing where you tucked in your cock between your legs?

And you were on video with that, too?

Yeah.

I remember that.

I remember there were still images of that that people would post all the time in the chat room.

It was really creepy.

Creepy. It looked like fucking

Goodbye Horses. Anyway.

More prank calls.

Will you do that now for us? Will you do that

and put it on video? Or take a picture

for us? Nah. You don't do that stuff anymore?

Nah, no, I don't.

I might want to see that. I've matured

a lot in the last four years.

Okay. Alright. You don't do silly stuff

on the video cam anymore. Okay.

Here's another Indian restaurant.

Why not? You know? We've got a bunch of

these. Let's burn through them a little bit.

A bunch that never gets sold.

Let's be silly and goofy and dirty and sexy and hot.

I am Darth Miles.

Darth Miles.

They're closed maybe for lunch.

What is it?

Is it 2 p.m. over there or 3 p.m. I think?

I think it's 12 hours plus 2 ahead on the East Coast.

Well, they have four time zones anyway in Australia.

It depends on where you're calling.

I don't necessarily know what time zone Wollongong is.

We'll get there already.

Let me just get to these because Lonesome spent a lot of time

confirming these numbers in australia we want to get as many as we can right already okay all right

i mean it's like six in the uk yeah yeah and i said i said numbers for you to be roommates with

people already yeah already we got to get as many as the dc you know people work hard to send these

requests we'll get to them buddy we'll got you all right i'll put it on the big board

oh hey am i doing this hi is this indian food hello yeah i want to make an order and uh for

For the Indian food, please.

For takeaway?

Yep, takeaway.

I'm going to come and get it.

Yep.

Okay.

Actually, your voice is a bit low.

Can you speak a bit loudly?

I can't hear you.

Like this?

Yep, all good now.

Yeah, what do you like?

One order of papadums.

Papadums, yeah.

One phoo.

Sorry?

One phoo?

I'm not getting what you're saying.

One phoo?

No?

You don't have phoo?

Do you have phoo?

Phoo?

No, it's an Indian restaurant.

We don't have that.

Okay, what about Bhenchod?

One Bhenchod?

Bhenchod?

Hello?

Bhenchod.

Alright, fuck that person.

How does this sound?

Is it low?

Am I low for you guys?

Am I chopping?

You know, Skype's kind of starting to chop up a bit.

Alright, let me redo Skype.

We'll get everyone reconnected.

Let's redo Skype, guys.

It's not working correctly right now.

I apologize.

We'll have to hold for a moment whilst I repair Skype's connection.

Sorry about that.

In the meantime, there is a prank call here I'd like to play for you, which I was just referencing, which is Darth Nihilus.

Darth Nihilus is a character from the extended universe of Star Wars.

And there was a guy who was dressed as him in a convention, Star Wars sci-fi convention.

And he was interviewed by one of the guys from the Howard Stern Show.

and then Sal and Richard from The Stern Show took some of those clips

and made a prank call to a telemarketer.

It was pretty funny.

Anyway, let's listen to that.

This is an older bit, but I heard it recently, and I would like to share it.

One moment, please.

One moment.

Here's Darth Nihilus getting a call from a telemarketer.

Yes.

Hey, is Darth home?

I am Darth Nihilus.

I'm sorry?

Darth Nihilus.

Exactly.

Are they available?

Yes.

Okay.

Okay, this is ******. I'm calling you from ****** University.

Oh, good.

I received a form that you submitted about trying to get yourself a bachelor's degree in management.

Yes.

Okay, is that something that you are interested in?

Yeah.

Okay, so where do you work right now?

I don't know.

You don't know?

No, do you?

No, well, if you don't know where you work, I don't think you want to attend school.

Oh, that's too bad, then.

Oh, you have a degree?

No, do you?

Oh, of course. That's why I'm calling you. They let you get one.

Oh, good.

Do you have one?

No.

You don't have one?

No, do you?

I sure don't, but hey, if you're not interested in school, that's quite all right, okay?

When you act like an asshole, don't be surprised.

Oh, of course not. Do you want to go to school?

No, do you?

It sounds like you may need a degree, so I definitely want to help you out.

You seem to be talking about it a lot today.

Oh, of course, because if you want a degree, that's what I'm here for.

Oh, good.

Yeah, but I don't want to waste anyone's time, you know. I know your time is precious, isn't it?

Yeah.

There you go. So your time is precious, so let's talk.

Clearly.

Is this for you?

Yes, I am Darth Nihilus.

Darth Nihilus.

Would you like to get into school?

No, do you?

Are you interested in getting yourself a background in management?

No, do you?

Are you interested in attending school?

No, do you?

That's all.

That one's called No, Do You by Darth Nihilus.

Milkman, you like that one, buddy?

No, I didn't hear any of it.

What are you doing?

Do you have a customer?

What are you doing?

Are you driving?

No, I was just chilling, man.

You guys was doing calls, man.

I was starting to get tired, man.

I got to work in the morning.

Are you in your car?

What are you doing?

No, I'm home, man.

I've been home for more than an hour, man, since I talked to you.

Did you use the toilet?

No, man.

I took a shit in the car, man, and then I gave that to a customer as a tip, man.

They're pretty impressed, man.

Actually, they told me I'd never get in my car again.

What kind of TV do you have?

do you have a nice flat screen or do you have a tube no no i got a back tv dinner you got a bone

tv what yeah a banquet tv dinner oh you know that's not what i'm talking about i'm asking do

you have a tv milkman or do you just use your laptop do i have a tv no i've well i guess

technically i do i've got what it is i've got um uh monitor samsung monitor has a built-in hd tv

And it's like, I don't know, it's like 24, 26, 28, no, 24 inches.

And it's stereo and all that crap in it.

So I can flip it back and forth from my source to my HDMI to my PC,

VGA back to my TV.

Oh, that's cool.

That's a good idea.

That's what I do here where I'm at now, where I do the show.

I've got a monitor and I flip it to my PS3,

and then I can also flip it to my cable TV little box if I want to.

So, yeah.

can watch my laptop.

I can watch my other laptop or desktop.

You know, there's so many options.

Plus, it's got a second HDMI input also.

Very nice.

So what I do is I actually take the speaker output,

and I've got a real nice set of these Bose speakers here,

a home set of stereo Bose speakers,

and they man i mean these things freaking blow man and i mean they're loud as freaking now

i gotta like turn it way down because if i turn up just a few degrees man these speakers

amplify so good and like you know full presence audio you know you can't control the eq you get

a lot of bass you know real nice crisp mids and brilliant highs man it's like boom you're in a

little stereo and you know you know something a little home theater dude bows does some good

stuff but it's so expensive but you do get what you pay for with bows because that it's good

I got these ones, I don't know, these when I first came to the States.

I don't know, what the hell are they?

They were about $200 and some dollars then, man, but they're pretty heavy.

But Bose, let's see, the Bose Companion 2 Series 2.

Okay.

And, hell, the fucker weighs probably about, I don't know, about three, four pounds, probably each one.

Yeah.

And it's got one speaker, and it's got port in it, it's got a reflex port in it, but the way, I don't know where it is,

the way the speaker's set up, get full range audio out of it.

But, you know, I have never taken it apart and see how many cones there are in it.

But it's only one speaker, but you get full range audio.

So I guess the cabinet size just right, you know, to be resonant, you know, to boost the bass.

But, you know, it's small enough to give you enough mids and highs, you know.

So it's very realistic, man.

I used to sell that shit when I worked at fucking Sears.

And one of the 321 systems was like $1,000.

I used to have assholes come in and buy it just to hook their video game systems up to.

Dude, I'm like, you got $1,000 to blow just to fucking play your video games on?

Wow.

That's fucking insane, dude.

Yeah, I know I've seen people.

I've never owned it, but there's people that have like, it might be the same one.

I don't know.

It's just a little box.

It's a Bose box.

It has an alarm clock on it and like a CD player and an aux in so you can connect an iPod or whatever.

Is that when they have wave audio?

They've had like two or three versions.

that someone didn't have CD

and then later on they kind of like

resized it and put a CD in it

and a bunch of other stuff, right?

Yeah, probably. I think it's the

Wave something. Yeah, it's like a little

alarm clock, but

bigger. But the sound that comes out of

this thing is freaking insane how

quality. It'll fill up a whole room.

Right, because the speaker

what about? Not even six

inches in diameter, right?

But the Wave Guide goes

all through the box and wraps it around

inside the box so it's actually you know it's only it sounds like it's like a 15 inch speaker

because there's actually hidden hidden uh dimensions you know because it's wrapped around

inside the box but the box is tuned so you still get resonance man that's what makes that thing

it's like three dimensions 3d yeah yeah exactly exactly yeah there's a nice dude i saw i first

got up here in california man and the original ones even back in the 90s man we're still doing

and they were using them in their home studios.

I mean, home theaters.

Yeah, there you go.

Yeah, the Bose home theaters are pretty expensive.

They actually have the Bose home theater system.

I've seen a few of them, but they're like a few thousand, I'm pretty sure.

I guess these fuckers here were over $200 and something dollars,

and I think I got them right around $200 at the time.

I don't know if they're more or less now.

I have no idea.

do it but they're always like when they first came in the sunday paper a lot of times you'll

see an ad for it like they'll take out a whole page and and in the sunday paper and it just

explains it and stuff i think i see an info you get what you pay for you do yeah man

yeah hi is this indian food is this indian food are you indian food am i indian food uh-huh

Were you asked at the restaurant?

Well, is this an Indian food machine?

Called 748.

The restaurant at Pull My Top.

Is it Indian food?

Yeah.

Is it Indian food?

Don't be nasty.

I'm asking you if it's Indian food.

Sorry, I'm not trying to be nasty.

There are some Indian dishes on our menu, yes.

Okay, all right.

And there are some other dishes.

Are you Indian or American?

No.

Where are you calling from, sorry?

I'm calling from the United States Embassy.

Chrissy, I'm coming by to pick up some food.

Oh, okay.

Have you placed an order, or are you wanting to place an order?

Well, I do, but I have some questions about who makes the food.

Are they Indians, or are they white people, or what are they?

Okay, I will just connect you through to the restaurant.

Oh, what do you do there?

I won't be one moment.

What do you do?

You suck dick, sir?

One moment.

Oh, okay.

Fine and not a kicker sore on your whack.

Whoa.

Then you may better go to the doctor.

Don't listen to him.

Hello?

Yeah, hello?

Don't listen to that guy.

He's been tapping my phone lines and connecting me on third-party calls and stuff.

He's like a phone hacker.

Hello, is this the Indian restaurant?

Yeah.

Okay, and I wanted to make some orders here, but first of all, I wanted to know,

the kitchen staff, are they ethnic or Hispanics or Indians or Asians?

What are they?

They're there.

Okay, because my friend, Brent Westwood, has told me in the past that from this place,

I don't want any animals to be touching my food, any non-humans, sub-humans, you know.

So are there any Australians there that can cook my food?

I don't want my food to be touched by monkey people, you know.

Are you after dinner tonight or?

Yeah, dinner tonight, yeah, but only if no Pakistanis touch the food.

Yeah, sorry, we've only got Pakistani in the kitchen and our kitchen's closed tonight,

so you won't be able to get dinner here.

Oh, no. Why are you closed tonight?

We're not open on Monday nights.

Oh, why? Is it a Pakistani thing?

Pardon?

Is it a Pakistani thing?

It's winter, and our restaurant's closed from only on...

It's only open on Thursdays through to Sundays.

Oh, will you please make an exception, or...

I mean, why would you answer the phone?

What do you do there? You just have a bar?

What do you do now?

It's a cafe, and we close at 5 p.m.

What does the cafe have? Coffee?

Yeah, just coffee.

What else? Do you have any scones?

Yeah, we have cakes and scones, but yeah, we close at 5.

Oh, is it?

So we're coming.

Well, in the cafe, is it Pakistani people or who touches the coffee and drinks and food?

It may get them, but it doesn't matter.

Well, are you a white person or what are you?

Yes.

You're white? You're pure white? Like you're clean?

You don't have any Aborigine in you or, you know, any Armenian?

Aborigine.

all right would you like some puerto rican in your honey and puerto rican injection yeah

it's white english i don't know what they will call it there

white english carlito goose they call michelle apologize for scaring her goose

okay good what's that goose apologize for scaring michelle to her yeah they talked yeah

Yeah, and she just apologized very well.

She started flipping out during that

and fucking went crazy.

And he's like, I'm just trying to apologize.

And she's like, why do you keep scaring me?

Oh my God. Calling that to scare her

and she gets scared.

She's like calling out Brad

Carter's name now.

Yeah, I know.

It's really flipped out.

Yeah, because Brad

and some of the others have donated

PayPal, made PayPal

donations to her. So she's got their

their names now i don't know what the fuck you guys are doing i mean it's cool that you guys

are helping her out but it's fucking she's she's she's out there dude i don't know you know her

laugh is you ever hear when she laughs she goes huh uh-huh huh huh huh that's so weird you know

what i mean but if she's she's gonna be smoking at least a packet before burpees i think she's

doing a little bit she's doing a little bit of crystal meth too i think i don't know she's just

just weird she's studying for a doctorate in psychology and she's poor she's broke she worked

in the she did some work in the in the film industry right what else she's she's a little

out there no she had a boyfriend who was in in gay porno and he but he died yeah she she had a

she had a boyfriend who was in no she had a boyfriend who was in porno who died an ex an

an ex-boyfriend she has another another boyfriend that left her for a gay guy i think it was

something like that she's just got a bunch of weird shit going on you know

is she what is she single

is already still single i guess she's always single

single nope you're breaking up a lot are you near the wi-fi

huh you want me to recall you milkman you're choppy

you're choppity choppy i hear you i can kind of make out what you're saying buddy but you come

in i already get that they're all fucking day talking michelle and she would listen to every

goddamn word holy shit man have you let michelle know that arty is still single oh now i can hear

area. Yeah, you sound good in that motion.

Who's Michelle? Oh, you don't know Michelle, do you,

Artie?

You don't know?

Perfect match, dude.

This is the kind of girl you prefer, man.

This is a perfect match for you, brother. I'm thinking of you.

Where is she?

She's in L.A., I think.

That's like 3,000 miles.

Yeah, but you can get some phone sex.

You can get some phone sex, man. Come on, you like phone head, right?

What's she look like?

Guys, give me her phone number and

post a picture there for Big Artie to see.

She's hot.

Yeah.

She's hot and blonde chick.

I saw a picture of her, man.

I didn't even know.

She's kind of like a valley.

She's kind of a valley girl.

Oh, fuck her.

Her ad has been removed.

It's been flagged for removal.

She removed her ad.

Did she take pictures down with the big kids, too?

She did that right after we talked.

You know what?

I got the call, so I should be able to pull the fucking number right off the ad.

There you go.

Good.

You know what?

Brad talked to her last night.

Brad did talk to her last night?

At the end of his pre-cum show, he called up

using his Roy voice

and said, this is Roy.

I've got information about Brad

Carter. Let's put this fucker away.

I'm going to help you put him down.

He was pissed off.

It was hilarious.

That's awesome.

That's really fucking cool.

Yeah, Ken's bringing in the number.

Here's Big Michelle.

Artie, she says she's DTF, Artie, you know?

That's her new girlfriend, Artie.

All right.

I haven't been late since December.

She's a sex addict, Artie.

Yeah, work your magic with her.

Here you go.

Let's see if she answers.

What's her name?

Michelle Clevenger.

Hello?

Hey, is this Michelle?

Yes.

How you doing, baby?

Who's this?

This is Artie.

How you doing?

Who?

This is Artie.

Don't you know me?

No.

I'm the hottest pranker on the web, baby.

Oh, dude.

Don't even.

it's not funny um it's not funny someone like obviously like uh it's not funny because someone

obviously stole some like my job application somewhere and they prank called like my boss

from 15 years ago and my neighbor where i live so it's not funny it's really not and i thought it

was like they did they're doing their random prank calls from the brad carter dude i i thought they

were from the craigslist at no somebody something's wrong it's not cool i'm sorry okay what would you

you like to talk about it i i'm a good listener no no i'm gonna hang up right now okay i'm sorry

okay all right give me a blow job oh wow someone called her old boss who the hell did that that's

fucked up man you guys who's pulling information from her boss 15 years ago was that dialer i

guess it'd be dialer be the person who's figured out what she's doing

i'm like would you like to talk about it

you said pranker dude that was it man that you might as well hung up because

sorry already scared out because he's got to be dealt with the fuck out i thought

he should have told michelle that uh he knew eddie yeah yeah she's been pranked i i started

out by telling her my name was eddie and that was like what three hours worth of pranks in one night

And then me and Ice Goose

talked to her for another three hours after that.

Yeah, and then she got called

all the week after that.

And some of us called her every

day, at least three or four times a day.

I mean, like everybody. People that we

don't even know.

Dude, this is real scary.

I'll do your roaming.

She would have really been funny.

Well, is this

someone record the call to her boss? I want to hear

that, because that's funny. It got back to her somehow.

now i like to i like to know what uh fucking people whoever did that that was yeah at least

share that if you're right don't throw the boss and shit dude that's not cool whoever did that

that's not nice man i mean it's okay but don't fuck up your lives don't go that far man really

he's good taste if you did at least call back and fuck i mean record the call and let us hear

what the fuck okay now the damage is done you can't unring the belt you better share it but don't

in the future man seriously about that you know you don't want your job lost to somebody that got

your number man you can still have fun with people but you don't gotta like take the livelihood take

the bread off her table she may have to have four roommates now it wasn't a current cause it was

supposed to be one from 15 years ago or some shit i think she did porno she's uh alluded that she's

worked in the industry but she's like i know about porno and i think she did work on she didn't she

She wasn't in a porno, but she was in the background, like in the crew, I think.

I think that's what's up with her.

She keeps kind of alluding to that.

Anyway, already, here she is again.

Call her back.

I'm going to be a producer.

All right, fine.

Was she like a beeline fluffer?

Well, I asked her if she was a fluffer.

I think she was like a B-roll fluffer.

She said she's not a fluffer.

Artie, make sure to tell her you know Eddie.

Eddie.

You know Eddie.

What's her name again?

Michelle.

Leave a message, and I'll call you back.

Pick up, Michelle.

I love you.

I was going to tell her I wanted her to be on a porno, and I'm going to put it in there.

There it is.

It's called Cream Street.

Milkman's in it.

Cream Street.

It is a answer.

It's a landline, so she was listening to that message there.

Yeah.

Milkman on Cream Street.

Okay.

She's probably going to start tweeting about it.

Cream Street 2.

Yeah.

Ken plays Johnny Wrench.

That's when we talked to the black guy.

They kept going, you've got to be kidding me.

We're getting him into Cream Street 2.

street too yeah yeah it was that baz and ken or we're having a fucking thing going on i think

of that movie like here's a clip we'll play it that was the producer yeah that's fine you can

tell him you're gonna put him you're gonna put him within like chain's length of a lion and he's

like to be kidding me yeah no well i told him i was gonna have him in an african war suit like

an african war costume tribal costume and we were going to shoot him up like on some planes

next to a tree with a lion chain to it and have him jerk off they had the one uh white guy roommate

and someone was trying to get him like a straight guy first guy or first time.com or some shit yeah

i was trying to recruit him for that yeah straight guy first time.com i remember that we told him

they'd have to do it fuck a pig first or something like that sup milkman hello milkman i don't know

I guess it's not.

It's like taking forever to get to you.

Yeah, what's up?

I hear you now.

What's up?

Every time I'm saying something,

it's like a guy getting into like a corner.

I say that after I say it, I think.

Oh, you're chopping up right now again.

Okay.

Restart Skype on your end.

See if that fixes it.

All right.

Okay, all right.

He's having some trouble again.

I think his Skype is acting up.

You know what I mean?

already you use android skype you know what it's like right it's a piece of shit yeah well my

android is a piece of shit in general you have an evo it's not that bad this is old on boost it is

oh you're on that boost mobile shit yeah that's pretty shitty sorry man yeah it's like having an

iphone on t-mobile all right let's continue though i might be switching this friend soon

oh very nice very nice let's get a galaxy 4 cool man that's new new phone galaxy 4 good for you

Okay, here's another prank call coming at you.

This is Turkish Paradise, where a guy named Marco answered.

Let's see if they're open still.

After that, we've got a whole bunch of UK numbers here.

We can wake them up on a Monday morning.

They're not up already.

Getting their tea and crumpets all aligned and in order and alphabetized.

Getting ready to genuflect for the king.

Yeah, we got the numbers that Ken sent in to get to and other stuff.

Hello, that's that Turkish food.

Hello.

Is that Turkish food?

Yes.

Do Turkish people prepare the food also?

Yes.

Do they wash their hands nice and good?

Sorry?

Do they wash their hands nice and good?

Yeah, we do. Who's this?

Oh, I'm Eddie. I wanted to get an order, but I don't want the dirty Turkish people to touch food.

Do they wear headbands for the sweat so it doesn't fall on the food?

You're kidding me. We're clean here. We get inspected by the council all the time.

Oh, do you, well, do you wear gloves also, like plastic gloves, so as not to get the food in touch?

Yeah.

All right, because, you know, Turkish people are pretty much, they're dirty people.

I'm sure you work with them, so you know how it is.

You are fine.

I'm not going to serve you.

You are not dirty people.

We are the cleanest Muslim people in the world.

Oh, are you Turkish also?

Yes, I am Turkish.

You told me, yes, I am the Turkish with the dirtiest people.

I'm not going to serve you.

Have a good day.

Bye-bye.

Okay.

All right.

He was a fucking

You offended him

That was pretty rude

But hey

He didn't get mad

Necessarily

He's just like

I am offended

Milkman

Wash your hands

Can you hear me

This ain't bad

Yeah listen

Knuckles

That's your name right

Sorry

You said your name is Knuckles

No my name is

Knuckle

Okay yeah

So

I can bring in

Some of these

Food grade

Latex gloves

For the people

No, no, no, I'm not going to deal with you.

Because you called Turkish people dirty, I won't deal with you.

Oh, come on.

Have a lovely day.

I'll suck your dick.

You called us dirty people.

I will not do business with you.

Have a lovely day.

Bye-bye.

Don't call again.

I'll suck your dick.

Suck your dick.

Oh, man.

He said don't call again, so we'll call again.

He doesn't tell me what to do.

He seems to fancy a bomb.

Hey, it's Michael speaking.

Hello, I'd like to make an order, please.

Who is this?

Hello, this is Mrs. Featherbottom.

Hello.

Hey, listen, if you guys are mucking around with me,

can you guys stop mucking around with me?

No, I've never called before.

I'm new, and my name is Mrs. Featherbottom,

and I'd love to make an order for some Turkish food.

No, we don't do phone orders.

You come here and make a phone order.

You make an order here, please.

Okay, and are the men clean there?

Yeah, are they nice, clean young men?

Their hair cut and do they shave?

If you're going to make an order, you come here and you make an order.

Have a lovely day. Bye-bye.

Do they shave the bottom of their feet?

Oh, man.

Hello, Mrs. Featherbottom.

Mrs. Featherbottom.

That's from Arrested Development.

Hey, look at there.

Comes back to...

Arrested Development, man, yeah.

Comes back to Netflix in seven days.

A week from today, Netflix bringing on season four of Arrested Development.

and I'm so excited

I just started watching that

I'm halfway through season one

awesome show

I saw them when they aired

then I owned the DVDs

and saw all three seasons again

several times

I'm a really big fan of Arrested Development

then I lost the CDs when I moved to Pennsylvania

but just today

this afternoon I finished watching

all three seasons of Arrested Development

again those shows never get old

that is awesome I too am a huge

I'm a huge fan of breast development.

Breast development.

There you go.

Yeah.

You don't like them fully developed?

The more the merrier.

He starts out at the age 12.

He likes the budding breasts.

Budding breasts?

Ew.

Gross.

A boobie's a boobie, and as long as they attach to a dude.

That's kind of nasty.

Thank you.

All right.

I'm looking for something else here to play while Cycle gets some more water.

How to find it first, though?

I very well may not find it.

wasn't there a like a rap group or something like hip-hop or something called breast development

two arrested development where the hell you said when they're like a group or something like in

the 90s yeah there was a 90s this rap group that was trying to go back to africa that okay that's

yeah because my boy man i had this this friend of mine back in the day man the first playstation

come out i was a dude i was telling you about we did the diamond ran the demolition derby but we

We ran it backwards.

I didn't know about that, but okay.

Yeah, yeah, that was my boy.

He was the one that was talking about it.

It was a group.

And then I guess it was a movie or what, a TV series, wasn't it, like a couple years ago?

That's what I'm talking about, yeah.

But yeah, there was the rest of the band that did that song, Mr. Wendell.

And what else did they do?

Yeah, that's, yeah, first of all, yeah.

So that's an old joke, man.

It was Tennessee.

Tennessee was another one.

You know, I like you pretty and fresh.

i can't find this dialer did this this prank call to a subway but i can't find the fucker now it was

really funny oh i had a question for you before i started when i started like like uh packing it

out i was gonna try and ask you a question but i never did get to you what you remember that night

we was doing i'm listening to somebody doing a show and they did this like comic thing and

everybody was like fighting and there's like a whole bunch of like crazy stuff that happened

with all the different characters that they're in the madhouse man i was trying to remember who

Who the hell did that, man?

Because I don't think I got a recording of it, and I wanted to hear that thing,

because I don't remember I heard the whole thing.

I only heard part of it.

A comic thing?

You know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, they were doing a comic thing, and like, oh, Carlito killed this guy here,

and Milkman did this to his neck, and I don't know.

It was about 10 minutes of a comic with all the people, comedy,

with all of us here in the madhouse.

I don't know.

One of these guys did it on one of these shows.

It was a couple weeks ago.

Yeah, I know, and Sloth was jerking off.

That was the episode that supposedly you're the only one that has a copy of it.

and you've been trying for two months to upload it to Dropbox,

and you can't figure it out.

That's why I can't find it.

Okay, all right.

Well, then it's in all these folders of stuff that I've got saved here

that I don't know what is what, but they are dated.

It was at 11 p.m. that night.

I would say it was about maybe six weeks ago.

It was a Friday night show sometime in April.

One of them got eight because what happened was back then,

I think Tux was in coding,

But something was going on, whenever their screen would go up and down, instead of, like, making a new name in the folder, it would just read right over it.

And it was only when they were brought, I don't know what it was, but something weird they had set up.

So that whole one segment of shows that I recorded, man, only turned in, like, 35 minutes, even though the encoders were rolling for, like, four hours.

Yeah, that might be long.

It wrote itself.

Yeah, it wrote itself.

So some of that, I don't know if that's the episode, but that one night I kept trying to send that stuff to you.

And I kept trying to tell the kids that did the show, man, it got hate because they're encoding something that's going on every time, you know, like ours or when Brad does it.

Even if the stream drops, it makes a new instance.

There's always a file.

All I got to do is go back, cut a little bit off, paste it again, and you got a whole show.

But this one, we'll just rerecord over it.

We'll give it a name.

It'll be like .mp3 or something like that.

So every time I record it, we'll just record right over top of it.

I understand.

Yes.

Yes, so I think that call in particular is lost.

It was really good, though, but I don't know what you're talking about.

I mean, all right, well, listen, we get this time,

and I'll do a file transfer of all this shit to you guys,

and then you guys sort it, because I did record it all, man.

Everything that I said I record every night, I did save them.

I just don't have no way to get them to you because I have no bandwidth.

I do my shit on mobile bandwidth right now,

and so if I try to upload them to a 7-meg file up to Dropbox,

uh go to bed and i get up in the morning says flash error never uploads them really that sucks

yeah that's what i was saying so why can't some night when we got time one of you guys whoever

get on the other end i'll file transfer these folders of stuff i got to you or zip them all

up and file transfer it to you and then you know somebody has time to go through it can maybe you

know find some of them goodies because there was some pretty damn good calls yeah they were sir yes

they were here's uh let's play a little bit of michelle this is when ken and ice goose called

michelle so that was sloth and ice goose and them that was doing that is that was that was that the

show i think the call itself was mostly jayad i think he did most of it god i forgot about that's

right gee you know that's it yeah it was it was jayad talking about his new movie his new movie

yeah and it was it was like some kind of it was the matrix the matrix reboot and rbcp was going

to shoot everyone like everyone in the chat room and me and milkman and i think at the end at the

the end uh someone wake sloth wakes up and it was all a dream and he starts jerking off about milk

man i think that was the end of it yeah yeah that's the one i think that was i gotta hear

that one sloth wakes up at the end realizes that the movie was a whole dream then he gets

he's like oh the guy the guy finally hung up that call started i think i mentioned i started

to getting ready for work at around 11 p.m i took i took a shower got dressed got my coffee

went to the store stopped got you know a salad for lunch and an energy drink got to work and i

was sitting in the parking lot at work and it was time to start work but i was hearing the end of

that and literally that that's how long the call it was like a good 30 minutes it had to have been

for me to have the whole thing but i did get it all towards the end yeah for me to literally have

I've gotten ready and everything for work,

stopped on the way for lunch,

you know,

and then got into work and sat there and heard the end of it in my car.

It was a long one.

It was worth it though.

That guy was,

he stayed on that long and didn't hang up until I heard about sloths jerking off

to milkman with,

with the,

the fapping sound effect in the background,

which is like the best part of it.

Yeah.

That was the best part of the whole thing.

Uh,

anyway,

as I was saying,

here's a big Ken who's on the line now with us and ice goose talking to

Michelle,

who you mentioned earlier already.

Marty, if you listen now, you'll know what Michelle is all about.

I've got to go get some water and drain the lizard.

I'll be right back.

Thank you.

I never got a picture of Michelle.

Want me to do it?

Yep.

Here, there's a new one.

Scroll up and chat.

Hello?

Oh, fuck, yeah. I just pulled up an ad on Craigslist.

I'm looking for Michelle.

Are you really?

I see you have a studio apartment you're looking to rent.

You need a roommate?

Wait.

Can you tell me a little bit about it?

What's your name?

My name's Ken.

Kenneth Kniff.

Ken?

Yeah, Ken.

This guy named Eddie was, like, freaking me out, scaring me a lot.

Um, you're not, like, Eddie?

Are you friends with Eddie?

No, my name is Kenneth Kniff.

I'm originally from Connecticut.

You're what?

I'm originally from Connecticut, but I'm out here in Los Angeles looking for a room to rent.

Oh, for real?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I'm slurring.

Are you friends with this guy named Eddie

who is totally harassing me?

He's totally not harassing.

It's just so fucking scary.

Excuse my language.

I said the F word again.

But he showed me porno pictures.

I'm like, I know what pornos are.

I'm not here because of pornos.

I don't care about pornos.

I know what an entertainment industry is.

Are you there?

Yeah, I'm here.

I know what entertainment is.

I don't need some

I can't believe he would even do that

you didn't call because of him right

no definitely not no I saw your ad

on Craigslist

I'm moving from Connecticut to

LA

I'm trying to get an opportunity

you know there's not many jobs

out here in Connecticut for an actor

oh really

there's no opportunities

out there it's not like you know agents

are traveling out to Connecticut to

to, you know, hand me an opportunity or anything.

I don't know.

If you have any friends or family where you...

I don't.

I don't have...

God help me.

I will pray to God right now.

I'm, like, doing a prayer to God right now for my own life.

I'm not lying.

Like, my dad, my real father, and my mom's mom died at the same time.

I bet my own mom's dead.

I haven't seen her much since I was 11.

So, if you have friends or family in Connecticut, you should stay there.

It's not that easy out here.

It's really hard, and I just happened to be born here, and I'm here.

Yeah, I know.

You know, I originally moved out here to L.A. because there was this girl.

You know, we were talking on the Internet, and she said she was a good girl when I moved out here,

and we were together for about six months.

She's cheating on me, and, I mean, it's been a horrific situation, so, you know, I'm just trying to make the ends meet.

Oh, I can see there's guys getting their hearts broken and weird shit going on.

I don't know what to say about that.

I'm sorry.

um you know my grandma before she died was laughing because i'm like everything be decent

and nice and prudent and decent and clean and nice like like i come from people they all got

divorced you know my mom and my dad and all that they're not alive they're not even alive they're

not even alive and i'm 42 and so i don't you know i don't personally i don't that's like from when i

I was a child.

I don't really care for that.

And I already know how to be sexy.

I just turned 30.

Don't you?

You can do sexy and be sexy or not.

I mean, there's only some thrilling expectation.

A lot of people think of Cali, like California Cali.

I'm like, uh, no, I want to chill out.

You know, it's kind of hard on people.

You know, I'm hard and all that, you know, that type of situation.

And, you know, I put it out on Facebook all the time.

I blog about my issues and on Twitter, you know.

It's a crazy situation.

I think someone's, like, been pranking on me, kind of prankstering on me.

I'm like, I'm not a prankster.

I'm really here and I'm really mean.

And that's it.

You know, I had someone do that, too.

You know, I put out there when I lost my puppy Rico.

I put the ad out on Craigslist and I told them, you know, I lost my puppy Rico.

And, you know, I really missed them.

And I had these assholes calling me left and right, talking about me.

Oh, really?

Yeah, they said, I have your dog.

I'm so sorry.

I hear about the sickest stuff that happens to men.

I can't even tell you what happens to women or myself that I avoid on purpose.

I can imagine, especially with putting your name out on, you know, I need a roommate.

You know, you get these jokesters out there like, I want to, you know, come into your space.

And then, you know, I end up trying to sleep.

Yeah, no, they don't really want to, if they don't, they really, they want, like, friends.

They want, like, um, they're not really looking for, to share a roommate.

Like, I'm really like my computer.

I'm sitting on my computer and staring at it right now.

I like people.

I'm like, who's the people that's going to stick by me, and it better not be sick and weird.

The guy that just was called me five times in a row is sick and weird.

What type of things?

She fucking, she's too drunk, she hung up.

i just added her on twitter let me see if i can get her back here okay i lost you what happened

okay first of all tell me your name from canada ken yeah we were just talking we got disconnected

i know i know i know i know i'm sorry let me make sure because it's not you i just like some guy

kept prank calling me your name is ken from what's your phone number can you tell me that

Yeah, Brian.

You know, I just got a new number out here.

818-346-1692.

1692?

Yeah.

Oh, my God, Ken.

Just so I know that you're not the guy that was prank calling me.

It's kind of harassing me.

Like, you saw my Craigslist ad.

You like me, right?

Yeah, I mean, you look hot.

Okay, you wouldn't call somebody you would be around with.

Let me, can I call you back at your number?

Well, the problem is I have the Obama phone.

You know what I'm talking about.

You're what?

You know what I'm talking about when I say Obama phone.

The welfare phone.

You know what I'm talking about.

Oh, are you in jail?

Is that what you mean?

No, no, no.

What I'm saying is I have a limited number of minutes that I can use.

So I'm calling for my buddy's phone right now.

because I only have about

three or four minutes left for like

next week. Hey, who cares?

Who cares?

That wasn't that exciting because I should have started

maybe halfway through where she gets

all weird, you know. Says a bunch

of weird stuff where she keeps begging you guys

not to, don't scare her.

You know, that's her big thing. Don't scare me.

Well, yeah, when I told her I was calling

from Alcatraz and I offered my

prison ID number, she's like, I don't need

your health insurance ID number.

I don't need that.

Or your health, your insurance.

What was it?

To your house and ejaculate on your pillow.

Oh, really?

You just told her you're going to go ejaculate on her pillow.

Another guy named Danny.

His name's Danny.

I'm going to say Danny's name.

Danny Rowe was nice to me when I talked to him.

His name is Danny Rowe.

I think about the last four minutes of that call.

There was a bunch of funny shit in this call, but it's 30 minutes long.

Yeah, after your last show two weeks ago, Ice Goose and I talked to her for about 90 minutes and trying to get her to let us move in, and she didn't realize it was a prank, and then halfway through, Ken broke in saying he was breaking in from Alcatraz, and she went ballistic.

yeah i know i i sent her to meat spin and then i think you guys sent her to lemon part no you

sent her to google hammer and made her watch that also ken and ice goose did that one so uh

yeah very nice okay let's call the uk yay frederick howard in the uk wankers let's call

all these poof-tas.

Do-boo-do-biz.

This chick tweets a lot.

She does.

Everything.

Has she tweeted

about your call yet, Artie?

She will.

Um, no,

but I followed her.

Hello?

Hey, good morning there.

Is that Beverly?

No, you've got

the wrong number, sorry.

Is Williams there?

Pardon?

Williams?

No, you've got

the wrong number, sorry.

Why is it wrong?

Because you're not there?

Because I'm not Beverly.

Oh, okay.

Do you know,

is there a Beverly

who used to live

with this number?

No, sorry.

Oh, did you have

Have sexual relations with her at some point.

Okay, then.

Bye-bye.

Did you kiss her?

Did you kiss her sexual organs?

Ah, Milkman.

He got her.

Milkman has a beige computer.

Hey, Carlito, do you still have the Vegas number?

Let's give a call to Bobby.

Bobby with an I, presuming that's a woman,

is selling a female chihuahua who just had puppies

and is still producing milk.

Yummy.

I'm away from my phone right now, so if you'd like to...

Bullshit.

You could ask if you could nurse on the mama dog.

There you go.

That was my plan, something around that.

But no answer, so we did not do that.

Here's a male Dutch rabbit for sale.

Yummy.

For pets only.

We'll see about that.

Ask for a recipe.

Buying a show with a Charlie.

Wasn't that that last show where I kept cracking myself up when I would talk about

asking people how big the animal section was?

Yeah, two weeks ago.

Yeah, that was it.

I called up on a goat

Like yeah I wanna know how big the sexual organs are

And I started laughing

He's like what are you talking about

What would you call me

At two in the morning

Asking how big the goat's sexual organs are

Hey man it's funny

Might wanna hit a couple of those roommates

Before it gets too late

Indeed thank you for reminding me

What should I tweet this woman

And we're gonna do the lottery

Ask her about her sexual organs

Dude, did you realize how many tweets she has total?

It's thousands.

I know that, right?

112,000 tweets.

Oh, my God.

Who the fuck has time for that?

She tweets everything, multiples of everything sometimes.

Like, she'll literally retweet stuff that she's tweeted already.

It's really weird.

Yeah.

I mean, that's like 60 a day.

Wow.

Yeah, yeah, I would say so.

Yeah, it takes a long time.

You've probably been going through it all this time,

and you're down like three days past so far only like everything think about it this way what say

she's been doing it for five years that's 20 000 a year that would be yeah 60 every fucking day on

average for five years yeah twitter started in 2006 to 2007 maybe it got yeah about five years

yeah it got big in 2008 2009 yeah there you go okay hey man here we go big ken one of his numbers

for a, let's see, one-bedroom apartment trying to get a third person into rent.

They want a student only.

Okay, here we go.

In Los Angeles, what would I be a student of if I lived in Los Angeles?

UCLA, that's my guess.

Yeah.

Okay.

USC.

South Carolina?

What?

No, Southern California.

Are those the Tar Heels?

It's the Trojans.

Trojan.

Yeah, you're a Trojan.

Trojan man.

UNC is Tar Heels.

I know that.

Right?

UNC, I think.

All right, look at this bitch's fucking Twitter.

Did she post about you yet?

No, I posted to hers.

Hi.

Like a vibrator.

We'll try this again.

Well, hi yourself.

All right, no answer there.

We'll do the next one going up the list.

This is in Van Nuys.

One bedroom apartment.

Good location.

Near public transportation.

Utilities included.

included we have no idea if it's male or female uh report from enigma he says michelle's first

twitter message was august 20th of 09 wow so it's been less than four years a little bit less than

four years a lot of fucking that's like 80 tweets a day that's a lot yeah that is a lot an average

of 80 tweets a day yep that's how you know you're an addict and she she posts a lot on facebook too

too, I think. Yeah. Should I

offer her advice on

Twitter addiction? Yeah. Call her back.

I'd like to talk to her. She might not

answer, you know. Hey, man. A damn

tactile keyboard on your phone.

Sorry. I'm trying to get it late.

It's like a little vibrator.

I don't like that. My fingers start

getting all weird and numb after

a while when I'm using that tactile shit.

I don't want to know if I'm typing or not.

Or I don't want a feedback, tactical

feedback. Here's a 55-year-old

male weed smoker and drinker looking

looking for a female companion to share rent cool maybe he's can i call him sure his name is mike

hi how you doing there you go there you go do a little bit of the uh yeah does that character

have a name didn't have a name before jennifer i guess jennifer all right cool big jen jen zolar

is that where you got it from zolar right he's the first guy that did that

yeah that's good should i tell him i'm using my vibrator yeah yeah do that okay cool well let's

Hope he answers.

What's his name?

Enjoy this Verizon ringback tone while your party is reached.

Michael.

It's in a chat.

Skype chat.

It's a fucking ringtone.

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

Goddammit.

Try it again.

Enjoy this Verizon ringback tone while your party is reached.

I've got to get some practice doing this voice.

I haven't done it in like a year.

Your call.

All right, here's Anthony.

Same premise, Artie.

Anthony instead.

Oh, sweet.

Sweet.

I think we sat on these too long.

Shit.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

All right, again.

The long room is for doing that fucking phone.

Oh, I need somewhere to stay, baby.

Oh, hey, is this Anthony?

Yes, Anthony.

Hello?

Hi.

Are you still looking to rent out the room?

No, actually, I found somebody already.

Sorry about that.

What did you say?

I said I've already found somebody.

Sorry about that.

Well, maybe I can come and we can have a threesome.

Huh?

Maybe I can stay there and we can have threesomes.

Wow, that's kind of interesting.

Oh, yeah, baby.

Huh?

I'll give you head if I can stay there tonight.

Is that right?

Mm-hmm.

I'm kind of feeling horny right now, actually.

What's your name?

Tina.

Okay.

My name is Tina.

Where are you at now?

Oh, I'm right down the road a little bit.

Down the road?

Mm-hmm.

Are you going to come pick me up, baby?

Then maybe you can tie me up.

I don't know.

You said you're right down the road.

Where down the road?

Um, I don't know.

I'm lost.

You want to just get started now and have phone sex?

Huh?

You want to just get started now and have some phone sex?

Nah.

Actually, I'm kind of tired, and I've got to go to work tomorrow.

But you sound like a nice person, and I hope everything works out for you.

I'm very nice.

I'm 5'4".

I have triple D's and a big piece of meat between my legs.

Oh.

Would you like my big piece of meat, bro?

I know, I'm cool.

Fuck yeah.

Go far up your ass and thumbs up at Matt.

I kind of froze because I didn't even know where the fuck he was.

Well, if you look in the Skype chat, sir, I told you I was putting you in the Skype chat, right?

I'm on a fucking cell phone.

Well, you're the one going off of Skype and going to other sites and typing around and stuff.

I heard you.

That's why.

That's why, man.

Stick to Skype if you're on the show, asshole.

Here's the next one.

Anthony, another Anthony, looking, husband and wife looking for a roommate.

All right, here we go.

I'm going to do this one.

Yay.

Enigma fixed that 404 error with the request prank.

Oh, yeah.

Am I taking this?

No, I am.

Okay.

Thank you, sir.

Hello?

Yeah.

Is that Anthony?

Yeah.

You're looking for a roommate to share your wife with?

Right now, we have somebody coming by tomorrow that might be putting a security deposit.

But if it doesn't happen, I'll let you know.

I can double the deposit and pay maybe an extra $50, $60 a month for the apartment, for the rent.

How close do you need it? By when?

I need to move in. I'm in my car right now.

So I could even do tonight, but if it's too short notice, then tomorrow I can move in.

I only have a few things.

We can share the bed.

You know, we can share the bed.

Is it one shower?

Who could share the bed?

There's an extra bedroom.

Oh, that's good.

That's good.

What about bathroom, toilets, and all that?

Is it just one, or is there more than one?

There's just one, yeah.

Okay, what's the policy?

It's a two-bedroom apartment.

Well, let me just call you back tomorrow.

Let me see if something happens with this guy,

and if not, then I'll call you right in the afternoon tomorrow.

If your wife is taking a shower,

can I go in there and shave and pee and brush my teeth if I don't look?

Without looking?

Probably not.

Would it be okay with you if he hung up?

He didn't like that.

I want to take the doghouse.

Okay, doghouse, man.

You should tell them that you're homeless and you want to live in it.

No, I'm going to say it's for my wife.

Artie, what was the joke you had about...

Hang on, we'll do it after this.

Please leave your message for 3103.

Anyway, Artie, you had a joke about Mother's Day or Valentine's Day about buying your girl an RV.

What was that joke?

Do you remember?

A what?

As a gift, you were going to buy your wife or your girlfriend an RV so she could stay in the kitchen.

What was it?

Do you remember that joke?

I don't know.

I think it had something to do with a woman being horrible drivers and being in the kitchen while they drive.

Something like that.

I don't know.

You told me something that where they belonged was the kitchen, so you bought your wife an RV so she was always in the kitchen or something like that.

I forgot.

Something like that.

Anyway, here's another roommate, no name, but looking for a roommate to share an apartment.

Yeah, man, that's hard, you know, with his wife there while I'm watching, you know.

I wouldn't want to do that with my wife, share an apartment with another man.

Another woman's okay, you know, another lady.

I'm going to blow my nose.

Yeah, hi, do you still have the roommate you're looking for?

Yeah.

Okay, and what's the situation there like now?

How many rooms is it?

Okay, for one room?

Five people in the apartment, three rooms, okay.

And who would I share with?

With you, with a woman, or a man?

Huh?

Goodbye?

Why?

What do you mean goodbye?

No.

Did you say goodbye, or did you say something else?

Oh, okay.

All right.

All right, and is he single?

Oh, what do you mean single?

Well, is he a single guy?

You know, does he have girlfriend or wife?

No, no, just guy, one man, young man.

Oh, nice.

Is he handsome?

Can I sit on the bed with him in the same bed we're going to sleep or separate bed?

We have no bed.

It's just on floor.

You have to bring your bed.

Oh, okay.

Does he sleep on the floor?

Sorry?

Is he sleeping on the floor right now?

No, he's sleeping in his air mattress.

You can bring an air mattress, too.

Well, I'm going to bring a bed, a big bed, and we can share it

so he doesn't have to sleep on an air mattress.

He can sleep on the bed with me, so he's more comfortable, you know?

Oh, I don't know.

You will ask him if he likes it, I don't know.

Yeah, and then I can touch him in his private parts and everything, you know,

at night and hold him and kiss him and call him my little chicken, you know,

my little bhenchod little banchu chicken you know what i mean i don't know what you mean what's your

are you russian or indian my guess is you're russian what are you you're russian yes uh sure

i'm busy right now oh can you call me tomorrow if you would like to to look at the room call

me tomorrow and you can come okay can i put a webcam in my bedroom and and masturbate in it

for money on webcam sites?

Oh, you mean

I like to make webcam

videos for money. I go on

these sites and people pay me

and I do things on the video webcam.

I take my clothes off and my pants.

You know? Nah, she's gone.

She's Russian. I thought she'd be into that.

Those Eastern Europeans are really into

webcamming sites, you know? Yeah.

The women are.

I'm afraid you'll be competing with her

webcam site. And the Bulgarian chicks are a lot of fun

on air mono hello oh she hung up look man you had to talk about bulgarians oh where's bulgaria

isn't that by france yeah yeah right next to russia and then the sandwich between that and

france right between russia and france isn't that called germany you got me there all right

bulgaria okay that's all bulgaria and where's germany north of there no that's near israel

Okay, and where's the Czech Republic?

Right by Chicago.

Okay, cool, cool.

I got you.

Good, we're learning things here.

All right, here's a different number in Hollywood.

For a bedroom, one bedroom apartment for rent, this comes in from Ken.

Big Ken, host of the Ken Kniff Show on every night on Madhouse.

Goddamn right.

Fuck yeah.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Nobody.

Nobody's there.

Try it again.

Also break it.

This is Enigma has figured out Michelle tweets 81.9 times per day.

Hey, someone's got a calculator on their computer.

81.9.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message.

Let's say she sleeps 8 hours a day.

So she's 16 hours a day.

So she's tweeting 81.9 times a day.

Is it 81.9 times a day you said or a month?

A day?

A day.

81.9 divided by 16 hours, did I say?

That'll give you an idea.

98 to 6.

There you go.

81.9 divided by, hang on, let me do it here.

Oh, Google.

81.

5.11 times an hour.

An hour.

5.11 times an hour, that girl tweets.

So five times an hour, and every once in a while, she posts an extra six times.

Wow.

A few times a day, at least she posts six times an hour.

Wow.

Puts it in perspective, how crazy she is.

Jesus Christ.

So, literally, on average, every 10 to 15 minutes, she's posting.

I think it's safe to say.

Yeah, what the hell was that?

What's that?

What was that?

Artie?

Not for that.

What?

Did you see the tweet I sent her?

No, not yet.

Not yet.

I'll take a look at it in a second.

Baz, you had a question?

Yeah, I was wondering what the hell a Campbell Coohing cunt is.

I don't know.

She's always complaining about the Campbell Coohing cunts.

I figured it was some kind of phrase

I googled candle cooing

and you get about 50 trillion hits

and they're all Michelle tweets

that's her thing

she made that up

she said a few times in the early calls

to her that she was just

burning candles or watching candles

burn I think she's into

burning candles and stuff

one of those

have her on the air

Just interview her.

Well, she's scared of everybody now because people have been really weird with her.

I'll get her to be unscared.

Apparently, she's most scared of Brad, despite the fact that Brad has actually given her money via PayPal.

Brad gave her money?

I think like $1.44 or something like that.

For what?

The girl's broke, so she's begging for money.

I'll give her $100 for phone sex.

It was two weeks ago today.

day so okay so probably since then there's probably been about at least 50 calls or more

yeah you think so you get mad oh yeah yeah but this she's just she's not so arty i'm telling

you we're gonna hook you guys up i love crazy too perfect we're gonna crowd the k2 man we're

gonna do a crowdsourcing crowdfunding thing for arty to get a plane ticket to la to go over and

and hang out with Michelle.

Ooh, yeah, man.

Break the KD, dude.

And, you know, you get to go bareback

in her, because she's 42.

Do you think she's had her menopause yet?

Wait, she's 42?

Yeah, I know. That's what she says.

Yeah, bring some water-based lubricant with you.

Yeah, you're going to need it, because she's going to be dry.

I always back it up.

Marty puts a spit shine on it

before he goes in, so

he doesn't have that problem.

I bag it.

All right, guys, come on, let's do some more pranks here.

Here's the UK once again, Andrew Cooper.

This is a prank show, not Michelle's show.

Not Michelle's show, yeah. Andrew Cooper.

It's

UK? Yep.

Hello? Hello?

Can I speak with Andrew, please?

Is Andrew in?

With whom?

Andrew. Is Andrew in?

I don't know if you want Andrew at this hour of the morning. Who is this?

My name is David Snoswell.

I'm just calling to let him know that I'm going to be late.

He invited me over for crumpets, and I'm going to be late.

My plane has been delayed.

Hello?

I know they're still there.

I know you're here, and I know you're listening.

All right, I hung up, and I'll call you back again.

Now Skype is freezing up.

Oh, shit.

Let me get this binder clip off of my bottom lip.

Skype is frozen.

and oh god i'm sure the guys on skype can hear me but i can't hear them let's give it a moment

to try to amend itself if not i'll have to shut it down from the command line pisses me off when

this happens it's taking a long time yeah i'm gonna have to shut it down in the meantime let

me play this prank call this one's called the peace on the fleet just a moment while i fix

skype thank you producing fucking tuck weird ass talk oh yeah i don't know i don't know that was

What the fuck do you want, Mike Tucker?

That's what Tuck was saying.

Hi, this is Kimberly.

Hi, Kimberly.

I understand you're a professional lady looking for someone to share a studio apartment.

Right.

I have a studio apartment that I'm looking for another female to share.

Oh, is this female?

I mean, I'm just...

Yes, it's a very small studio, so there's no private rooms or any private spaces, so it's a shared space.

That's why I put that on.

I was castrated when I was held prisoner by Somali pirates off the coast of Africa.

So, I mean, there's no danger.

I'm not going to do anything.

I'm safe.

No, seriously.

I've already shown it to many guys, and I changed the ad.

So that's why it was reposted today.

There's no way any guy will take it.

I've already shown it.

It's a big bedroom, but basically it's a bedroom that's being shared.

So why won't the guys take it?

Why?

You don't want the guys to take it, or they don't want to?

They don't like it because it's a very tiny room.

It's like being a child.

I don't care.

I'm sleeping in my car right now.

I'm sorry.

I've already shown it to too many people.

That's why I put the ad up the way it is.

It's a female to share with another female because it does not allow any privacy.

There's no separate rooms or separate doors to go into somewhere separate.

It's just a big room.

Oh, please.

I've just been sleeping in my car and everything.

I'm sorry.

I can't do it.

I can't sleep in my car and take my pants off and masturbate at night and everything.

That's all I want to do.

nowhere in her ad does it say female only juice plus and tarot garden please for the love of music

did she say tarot garden she a wiccan i think she's a wiccan like that if you ask me there's

no reason guys would come over and not want to be so close to another woman unless she's like

really ugly or fat or something is really wrong with the place that looking at the photos the

the place looks great so my guess is she's a crazy bitch you know or a female version of arty or

something it looks really nice it looks like it smells really good there you know let's get look

all these girly things around nice white and red fucking sheets and pillows and big purses in the

bathroom and little perfumes and everything oh i bet she smells like girl smells like woman there

you know woman's hair oh it's so good she's got it she looks she she kept it clean for these

These pictures, at least.

Anyway, shall we continue?

It's 2 o'clock in the morning, 2.15 in the morning.

You should call that woman back in the U.K.

Uh-huh, the one that I called earlier.

Yeah, she was getting kind of mad.

She was kind of rude.

Andrew Cooper's old lady.

Okay.

Yeah.

Sure.

Confuse him with Anderson Cooper from CNN.

Who, congratulations, came out of the closet last year.

Very good.

Big year last year for Anderson Cooper.

Hello?

Hello, may I speak with Anderson, please?

I don't know who you're wanting

It's 7 o'clock in the morning

I'm trying to get children out of school

I don't know what number you're looking for

I called to congratulate Mr. Cooper

On what?

On coming out of the closet earlier last year

I mean, I know it's tough to be a

He's got a tough job at the show on CNN

Hey, I'm coming over for crumpets

He's a homosexual

She's getting her children ready for school

Aw

Well, this would wake them up

Hey, I want to see Andrew Cooper's sexual organs.

Here's Baz.

I got a lot of shit to do.

Yeah, congratulations on coming out last year.

That took a lot of balls, and we have much respect for you.

Love your show.

Bye.

It's very good.

Liberal spin against the conservative mega media, mass media thing.

Yeah, that.

Okay, anyway.

Let's call Michelle back.

Okay, Michelle.

I'm going to get an interview, dude.

Watch.

You're going to get it in.

You're going to get it in?

No, interview.

In her view?

See how crazy this bitch is.

You're going to get it in her, yeah.

In her snatch.

I'm looking for the number.

Just a moment.

I'm scrolling up.

Do, do, do, do.

Pack and laws, milkman.

There we go.

I think this is it.

Her area code's 818.

Is that right?

I wouldn't know.

I'm going to ask you.

That's all right, though.

Yeah, that's right.

God, your vibrator's loud.

I haven't been using it

it just went

oh man my neck's hurting me

I fell asleep in my chair last night

give a message and I'll call you back

fuck

she ain't answering sorry guys

alright

let me go back to request a prank see where we got here

I'm going to play a little tune

see if we got enough to continue going or if we're going to cut it off

I'm just going to sit here and enjoy

Evil Artie's OkCupid page

seriously

yep one of the fans in the chat found it

Oh, boy.

I'm about to delete it.

Did you really name yourself Evil Artie in it, dude?

Yeah.

Why would you do that?

Go to Skype.

I posted the link there, Carlito.

How recent is that picture of you, dude?

You look Jewish in that picture.

What the hell's going on with you?

That's from, like, a week or two ago.

You look very Jewish lately.

Weird, man.

Weird.

All right, cool.

Look a lot better than I used to.

I guess so.

Well, good for you.

evil arty is 23 male straight and single ladies seriously why would you name yourself evil arty

this doesn't make any sense you don't think maybe you get weird chicks contacting you on there

because your name has evil in it you know i don't know you probably once you be like nice arty or

something or maybe use your real name like bad boys yeah you they're like they think your name

is arty like oh my name is really blah blah blah they're probably already like okay yeah but michelle

Y'all just don't like scary guys.

Yeah, dude.

We got to redo your image.

We got to get a new nickname for you.

Let's move away from evil already.

Big Penis 23.

Yeah.

What was your other nickname?

Big Pump?

What was it?

Didn't you have something?

Big Papa Pump?

Baby Gorilla?

No, you were something else, dude.

Weren't you like me?

So, that's the fact.

Wasn't there a Big Something or a Bubba?

Big Bubba?

Weren't you something like that before?

Yeah, I used to use that on some breaks.

Was it a Bubble Pump or something stupid?

big bubble okay cool so carlita did you hear the north koreans say they can hit london with one of

their nukes yeah that's crazy that's probably true if they aim for cairo yeah yeah they're

not they don't get google maps out there so they got to use big maps and that's just a piece of

shit okay blah blah blah here is a greek welfare center this came in from lonesome loser earlier

Earlier in the evening, let's see if they're still open.

This is in Australia, the Greek Welfare Center.

Just a moment.

Shut up.

Good afternoon, Greek Welfare.

Hello, yes.

My name is Malaka Jones, and I need some assistance.

Your name is what?

Malaka Jones.

Yes.

Okay.

And you need what kind of assistance?

Who would you like to talk?

Welfare assistance.

I need some money and medical coverage.

I need some batteries for my vibrator.

Okay.

Good luck with that.

Bye.

Can you, do you have?

she stumbled all the names like malaka jones huh malaka jones that's uh vagina's cousin huh

hello hello hello they picked up and they left it off the hook god damn malaka jones in the house

new character sounds just like all the other ones but his name is malaka jones

another one for the record books okay here's sir donald gordon sir donald gordon he's been

SIRD. S-I-R-D.

He's SIRD. Yeah, SIRD

Gordon. Okay, let's call him.

He must think he's better than us.

Help me, Donald Gordon. You're my only hope.

Let's call him and act like, yeah, alright.

I'll do the whole Obi-Wan Kenobi thing with him.

I'm gonna invoke Star Wars

new hope here.

Sir Gordon. Sir Donald Gordon.

What? Is this Sir Donald Gordon?

What do you want? I need to speak

with Sir Donald Gordon. It's...

well the princess is in trouble

she's been kidnapped by Lord Vader

and we need him to come

with his new apprentice

to the new moon star base

and help rescue her

and bring the stolen plans over

to Yavin 4 where we'll find

a weakness to destroy the Death Star

you're talking a whole lot of rubbish

I've never heard of such things

no Sir Donald Gordon used to

serve with my father during the Clone Wars

you're talking absolute rubbish

He served with my father in the Clone Wars

And I need him to come help me now

Help me

You're my only hope

He doesn't live anymore

I have Chewbacca and Han Solo

We're hanging out

Call her back

That was fucking funny

I'll be Han Solo

Serve with my father in the Clone Wars

Is that you Chewie?

Yeah

I can't do it

That's kind of funny.

It sounds like some retard named Chewy.

My retarded friend, Chewy.

Retarded, hairy, seven-foot-tall friend.

I don't think she's been talking too much rubbish.

Yeah, he's like the retard on The Stand.

You ever read The Stand or see the miniseries The Stand?

No, I need to.

There was a retard in that.

It was funny.

He went full retard.

It's like in Borat.

Remember he says, oh, that guy said he's retired.

He goes, oh, they have jobs for you for retards?

He goes, I just want to say it's good that you let a retard come here and sit to eat.

They're like, no, no, no.

What you're referring to is retarded.

He's retired.

He doesn't work.

And then he went to take a shit.

He came back out with a shit in the bag and asked where he should put it.

Do you really think he shit in the bag and brought it down to the table?

It's so nasty.

Let him sit at the table.

The lady was all nasty.

Not nasty.

She was all nice and showed him how to dump the bag into the toilet and flush it.

And she says, you have to wipe yourself.

He's like, oh, you do for me?

Like, no, the guest does?

No.

No, no.

You wipe yourself.

No one touches you but yourself.

Yeah.

You got any more UK numbers?

We should call up and do that Star Wars bit again.

Okay.

Even if it isn't a sir.

I'll be Han Solo.

There you go.

We got Chewie, the mongoloid.

Yeah, period.

What's going on?

Smoking drugs?

No, I got a cold.

Here's James B. James.

Sir James.

James B. what?

James.

James James.

Excuse me.

James James.

That's his name.

Jimmy James.

James Earl James.

Jimmy James.

That's from News Radio.

James Earl James.

My second favorite comedy television show of all time.

Right behind Arrested Development.

Yep.

Come on, play Chewy Sounds.

Hello, morning.

Good morning. My name is Han Solo. Is Mr. James available?

No, he's not.

No, he's not?

Well, the princess has been kidnapped by Lord Vader. She's being taken to the Death Star.

Sir James is our only hope. I'm here with my retarded mongoloid friend, Chewie, and we're here to enlist his aid.

That killed it.

I guess as soon as they hear our name going, they're like, okay.

All right, this is obviously bullshit.

Franks and Beans.

Yeah, just say Franks and Beans.

Yeah, Artie, just go Franks and Beans.

This is our version of Star Wars.

Our reboot of the franchise.

I want to know what you did with the lands they sent you.

Welcome to BT-Ansa 1571.

If this is a consular ship, then where is the ambassador?

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

I find your lack of faith...

disturbing i guess that'll be uh the next big movie from uh from nerd boy the guy just did

star trek what's his name lost guy jj abrams will be yeah that's i don't think that's right

what that he's doing it yeah you can do it that he's doing both he said he's he's he's always said

he's more of a star wars fan than star trek so i actually just saw star trek it was actually

pretty good yeah i saw it too i saw it uh two mornings ago it was pretty great yesterday

morning well saturday morning i went to see it the second one the new one yeah yeah i just

spoil it on the air at the beginning of the show

because I was mad at some people.

Yeah, man. It was pretty

good. I just don't like how they handled

how they switched Spock and Kirk.

I was like, that's kind of retarded.

A Rathacon reboot

in itself. If they're going to have

Rathacon, I don't know.

It was different. They had no

Genesis. The Genesis device wasn't

involved in that. I've never

seen anything Star Trek and that was my first

exposure. You liked it

then. They were planning this

Even J.J. Abrams said this movie might upset some fanboys because it was more of a Star Trek movie for people who are not fans of the series, just for your regular everybody, which is what they tried to do with that Star Trek Nemesis, and it didn't work.

It actually sucked still, the last of the Next Generation ones.

Doesn't Spock remind you of Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory?

I've never seen it, but is it really Leonard Nimoy?

I know he's been on that show.

you didn't know that yeah i've seen i think he's been on the show are you saying zachary

are you saying zachary quinto or the old spot yeah quinto all right quinto okay yeah i don't

know i've never seen i everyone tells me i should watch big bang theory but i've never watched it

it's fucking hilarious i hear all the star trek guys do cameos and shit in it

dude look up there's an audi commercial with um zachary quinto and leonard dimoy have you seen it

No, I have not.

Go look it up. It's fucking hilarious.

Okay, I will, yeah, because I have time to watch your advertisements.

Hey, guys, I'm going to have to call it a night.

I've got jury duty tomorrow, believe it or not.

Oh, man, yeah, you get paid.

That fucking scares me.

I'm not too excited about it.

You know what?

I'm a little worried because I never got called for jury duty ever in my life

until the week I moved away from Florida to move to Pennsylvania.

And my wife was like, yeah, you just got a jury duty notice here.

I'm like, oh, shit.

And I called, and they said, yeah, just send a letter stating that you've moved out,

that you're no longer in Florida, and they'll cancel you out.

And I did that, but I never got feedback as to if they received the letter or not.

I don't know.

Don't you get a warrant if you don't show up for jury duty?

Yeah, supposedly.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I never showed up, and nothing happened.

Well, I always wanted to do jury duty.

I was like, oh, man, I hope I get jury duty and go on a big case.

police but it uh when i finally got the chance to do it you know that happened because i was like

cool i could take the day off of work you know i got an excuse to get off of work you know they

might feed me you know go to the courtroom and shit sound like it'd be fun i heard if you want

to get a jury duty all you have to say is i i wish i was a cop i love cops i always i always

wanted to be a cop but i couldn't be a cop i never perceived it but my ideal job would be a police

police officer and you'll get instantly they'll say okay like the the defendant's lawyer will

instantly say no sorry you know what i mean yeah or just say you hate niggers yeah well yeah if you

have any family who's a police officer they usually take you out also pretty quick i think

they usually i think that's one of the first things they say anybody here who has family

members direct family members who are police officers or federal agents raise your hand and

anyone who raises their hand just gets to go that's what i've heard i don't know i don't

know there's any truth to that but you get that it'll be funny if you went to jury duty like in

the middle of the trial just stand up and yell objection i'm just gonna stand up and yell franks

and beans yeah yeah all right see you baz good luck with that tell them that yeah tell them that

you want to be a policeman you know i will i'll report back next week there you go tell them you

you want to be a judge okay we'll do already over the case i'll be i'll be calling in from jury i

mean i'm from jail serving my contempt of court sentence yeah all right cool all right later can

they get can they fucking prosecute you for yelling something i mean it's free speech yeah

they can because they they have the rules you're not supposed to do that you see what happened to

that that kid during the casey anthony trial when he flicked off um the the state attorney you

didn't see that i'd take that to the fucking supreme court that was bullshit though yeah he

should have he didn't even disrupt anything he just flipped him off barely like he did the whole

thing where he scratched his forehead and it was his middle finger and the fucking judge negro judge

perry as i was calling him called him up and was like young man do you know what you just did he's

He's like, uh, yeah, I gave the middle finger.

He's like, do you know what that means?

Have you ever heard that or seen that?

It's really funny.

That poor kid.

The kid was broke.

He worked at Chili's, I think, or something.

Like, he called him.

I was like, where do you work, young man?

And he's like, I work at Chili's.

I'm a bartender.

He's like, how much money do you have in your bank account?

He's like, I have like $9 in my bank account right now.

Shit.

I never knew if that kid actually got, he said he was going to appeal it.

I don't know if he ever won the appeal or what it was.

What was that? Casey Anthony Trial Disruption.

There was another crazy lady who stood up and started yelling when they were doing the jury selection for that.

She just said, you're guilty or something like that.

Or you killed her, like some crazy lady who was off her meds.

She was there for a, I think she was there for a, what was it, a divorce trial that she was having.

And she came in to watch it.

She watched as a spectator and she started yelling.

she got like i think she got like three weeks in jail or something for that for contempt

anyway i'm looking here casey anthony trial let me look finger oh god i hope it's a porno no

the middle finger during the casey anthony trial okay this kid the guy's name was matthew bartlett

all right guys we have to decide which of our shows fucking youtube and the fucking ads that

make no fucking sense here we go come on youtube you could do it you could be pictures which would

would be quartz composite.

Is that the Star Wars theme?

I don't know.

You recognize the individual contained therein on that photograph, sir?

Yes, I do.

And who is it?

This is me.

And what is that symbol that you are projecting with your fingers?

Using my middle finger, and I am sorry.

And what does that mean, sir, when you extend one's middle finger?

The F word to someone.

What does it mean to you, sir?

Not to some, but to you.

No, to use the F word to someone.

And who were you extending the finger to, sir?

Mr. Ashton.

And what was Mr. Ashton doing at that time, sir?

I don't even know.

The quote was in session, was it not?

Yes, it was.

Now, you see this sign?

Yes, sir.

And does not this sign read any gestures, facial expressions, or audible comments

showing approval or disapproval during a court proceeding is absolutely prohibited.

That sign is posted on the door outside, is it not?

It is.

How far have you gone in school?

Twelfth grade.

Can you read and write?

Yes, sir.

Did you not read this sign, sir?

I have read that.

And when you came in this morning, did the court deputy give you the benefit of reacquainting you with the ground rules in this proceeding about gestures, expressions?

Yes, sir.

What do you recall that court deputy saying?

There shall not be any gestures or facial expressions.

Was there anything about that that you did not understand, sir?

No, no, sir.

Sir, pursuant to Rule 3.830 of the Florida Rules of Criminal Procedure, could you tell this court why you should not be held in contempt of court for failing to comply with posted signage and directions that were given to you orally,

which this court ordered posted and required that the court deputies advise you orally

why you should not be held in contempt of court for gesturing by pointing your middle

index finger, which you told us is the F word, to Mr. Jeffrey Ashton, who was at the podium at the

time in open court while this court was present. Can you tell me any reason why you should not be

be held in contempt of court sir i'm sure i'm truly sorry for for doing this this is something

stupid and i don't even i'm not sure why i even did it and um i do i just apologize and i don't

understand why i did it well there was a reason why uh you decided to extend mr ashton the courtesy

of flipping him your index finger was he saying something that you disapproved of or or did you

Do you think that highly or lowly of Mr. Ashton?

I don't think lowly of Mr. Ashton.

Well, what did he do to deserve the middle finger?

This is just some stupid thing that I did, and I do apologize.

Do you recall, sir, whether or not the jury was in here when you decided to extend that courtesy to Mr. Ashton?

Yes, they were.

Do you know what would have happened, sir, if some of the members of the jury had seen you extending your middle finger?

of affection to Mr. Ashton?

No, I don't know.

Sir, would you care to present any evidence of excuse

or mitigating circumstances at this time

before this court imposes sentence?

Can you repeat the question, sir?

Would you care to present any evidence of excuse

or mitigating circumstances that you would like this court

to taking consideration prior to the court imposing sentence in this case, sir.

I just apologize for doing something like this.

This is just some stupid thing that I did.

Sir, have you ever been convicted of a felony or a misdemeanor

involving dishonesty or moral turpitude?

No.

Are you employed?

Yes, sir.

And where do you work?

At TGI Fridays.

And which Fridays is that?

That's at the millennium.

Why does that fucking matter?

I'm a server.

Anything you would like to say before this court imposes sentence?

I apologize for doing this.

Young man, do you realize that the taxpayers of the state of Florida has expended a great deal of money in putting on this trial

and that your actions may have jeopardized or could have jeopardized all of the work that the attorneys have done in this particular case.

Yes, sir.

And one of the reasons I had those signs posted and why the deputies give those remarks every day is I don't want to assume people know

or should know what the proper decorum is in a courtroom.

room. Where do you live, sir? You don't need to give me the address, but do you live alone or do

you live with your parents? I live alone. At

this time, I will judge you to be guilty of the crime of direct criminal contempt.

I will sentence you to six days in Orange County Jail, impose a fine of $400, along with the applicable statutory court costs.

Sir, how much time will you need to pay the fine?

How much is the fine?

It'd be $400 fine, and, Madam Clerk, what would be the approximate court cost?

Uh, misdemeanor.

It'd be $223.

Now, this all-stop plan has been going on for long enough.

I want to at least get to the conviction point.

I've never said this honestly about someone, but what a nigger.

Who?

Why would you say that?

I mean, God damn, he's such a fucking dick.

Who, the judge?

Yeah.

Yeah, he is an asshole.

I didn't really, I mean, he was fair.

He came out last week saying that, well, I can't comment on how I feel personally about

Casey Anthony, but the judge of judges will judge her and she will pay the price for what

she's done.

So he basically stated he believes Casey Anthony was guilty, but he had to do his job.

He was really biased against, um, bias, Jose bias, bias against bias.

He was.

Bias is boss.

Yeah, bias is boss.

House. He was really biased against the defense in that case. I always thought so. And I think

that's part of what contributed to her getting off with an all-guilty conviction. I think that

a lot of the jury was like, the judge and the prosecutors aren't really playing fair. They

really should have won had they really done a better job of what they did. They wasted a lot

of taxpayers' money and they let a woman who's pretty much guilty of murdering her daughter

her go away free because of

the way the state of Florida and the

Florida Department of Law Enforcement

handled that case. It was bullshit. State Attorney's

Office did a really bad job.

Anyway, but yeah, he

made that guy pay.

What I'm saying is they're going to charge him court

costs, but court was already

in session. You know what I mean? There's no need

to charge him court costs. They should have just given him

his fine. The way I

see it, he didn't deserve any fucking punishment.

Yeah, no punishment at all.

Yeah, I thought that kid was kind of

of a hero but something you probably shouldn't do but he he flipped off and no one even saw it

it was just like the tv camera found it and people my question that he got he got caught

apparently because the the tv camera caught it on the video feed everyone started tweeting and

facebooking about it and word got back to the to the county office and then they passed it on to

the judge that he had done that anyway what how would that possibly like do anything to the trial

i don't know they said if the jury saw it it could have affected the trial i don't see how

That's just...

So what?

So a member of the crowd has an opinion

that he wants to flip off the state attorney.

Oh my God, stop the trial.

It's over.

That makes no sense.

I would have made...

This is news.

This is like three-year-old news,

but I don't know why I'm bringing it up now.

But we were talking about jury duty with Baz.

But yeah.

That's a violation of free speech.

Kind of is, Artie.

You know, you should become a lawyer.

You can just yell...

I should.

I'd be fucking good at it.

Yeah, man.

You can yell objection.

Here's a number in Columbia

That Lonesome Loser sent us for Estelar Apartamentos Bogota.

So, in Bogota, Colombia, some apartments for rent probably here.

Apparently, you can hit an apartment number or stand in line for an operator at this place.

Interesting.

Okay.

Let's call Colombia.

I think this is a madhouse first.

Colombia.

Here we go.

A nation where the United States has done a lot of dirty deeds.

Dirt cheap.

Gracias por llamar al Hotel Estelar La Fontana.

Para español, marque uno.

For English, press two.

Press two for English.

This is Ricardo Montalbán here.

Número de extensión inválido.

For English, press two.

Thanks for calling Hotel Estelar La Fontana.

If you want, you can fix an apartment number or dial seven on the room number.

If you don't, one operator assists you in a while.

I don't know how many digits are in the apartment.

Un momento, por favor. Le voy a transferir a la operadora.

Gracias.

Holy shit, it's almost three.

Holy shit. I said I'd try to go until three.

Hello, I am Mr. American. My name is Vagina Jones. How are you?

Hello. What's the problem?

Yes, do you speak English?

Yes, sir.

Oh, good. Can you pull me through to apartment number 115?

Yes, please.

Thank you, asshole.

Please, the name, please.

My name is Eddie.

No, the guy.

I don't know.

Do you remember the apartment?

I'm coming to pick them up.

They didn't give me the name.

They said just the apartment number.

Yeah.

So can you put me through?

Who's apartment number?

Gracias.

115.

Gracias.

Thank you.

Gracias.

Hello.

I'm fine.

What's taking so long?

Long?

Yeah, it's taking a long time.

Let me check.

It's taking a long time for you to do this.

Why?

What happened?

Do you have a problem?

Are you stupid?

Hey, hey, hey, I know what you're saying.

I order you.

I command you to put me through.

I don't care about your rules.

I order you.

Number 115.

I'm calling from International Business Machines.

115?

Sir, 115, we don't have that room or that apartment here.

What's the name of the person you want to talk to?

Let's see here.

Gonzalez?

Alex and the last name, sir?

The last name is Gonzalez.

That's all I have.

Gonzalez?

Let me check.

Gonzalez.

No, sir.

I don't have anyone with that last name.

What about Martinez?

Rodriguez.

Martin?

Martinez.

Martinez?

Yes.

Do you have the first name of the person?

No, they just gave me the last name.

Mr. and Mrs. Martinez.

Mrs. Martinez.

No, sir.

I don't have anyone with that last name here.

Mr. Rodriguez?

Rodriguez.

No, sir.

Anyone with that last name?

Fernandez.

Sir, just to ask.

Do you know what hotel that is this reservation for or the person who is this, who is staying in?

Do you have Mr. Perez?

P-E-R-E-Z.

P-E-R?

Perez.

Perez?

Yes, Perez.

No, sir.

I don't have anyone with that name.

What about, did you look up Fernandez?

Fernandez, Fernandez, Fernandez, bias.

No, sir.

Sorry, I don't have that person here.

So the only thing is that I need the last name and the name just to be able to connect you.

Do you have Iglesias?

Iglesias?

Yeah.

No, sir.

I don't have anyone with that name here.

Ramirez?

No, sir.

Sir, I need the last name and the name.

If you have it, I can connect you.

No, but you're trying for me.

Please try Ramirez.

Yes, sir.

No, sir.

Sir, but...

Garcia?

Sir, but what company is this reservation from?

The reservation is with your company?

No, no, no.

The person that you're looking for, what's the company?

I'm with...

My name is Eddie, and I'm with International Business Machines.

Just give me a second, sir.

Okay.

I'm running out of Spanish.

Welcome to the Estelar La Fontana Hotel.

I figured we wanted to hit it by now.

Unique and peaceful place.

A place for...

Try Baez.

For nights, for flavors, and for every moment.

Listen to this guy talking.

Este y todos los domingos, viva la magia, la cultura, y toda la diversión en familia.

Lo esperamos en nuestra kermés.

Let's prank Jose Baez.

Y actividades para todos.

No, he's a mason.

Aeróbicos, talleres infantiles, feria artesanal, misa.

He's a free mason, no.

Baez is?

Yep.

So what's that mean?

You don't prank Freemasons if you can avoid it.

This Sunday, and every Sunday,

Live the Magic.

Culture, and family fun.

Live the Magic.

In order to make it better.

With an exquisite branch and activities for everyone.

Hey, Robbie.

Children's worship.

Sir, thanks for waiting.

What's your other last name, sir?

What else?

Vélez.

Sí, señor.

Vélez, let me check.

Okay.

No, sir.

I don't have anyone with that last name here.

Hernandez.

No, sir.

Anyone with that last name here.

Do you have anybody with the first name Jesus?

Yes, sir.

I actually have two people here.

There we go.

That's the ones.

No, sir.

I'm very sorry, but I cannot transfer you with just the name because they are from two different companies.

So I cannot connect you.

I need the last name, too.

Gutierrez?

No, sir.

Do you have any Gutierrez?

No, sir.

Gutierrez?

Yes.

Gutierrez.

And they are staying here at La Fontana Hotel?

hotel? Uh-huh. Yep. No, sir,

Gutierrez. I don't have anyone with that last

name here. Do you have Larga Espada?

Vargas? Larga Espada.

No, no, señor. No, no, sir.

Oh, God. Artie, do you have any

idea? I'm running out.

No, sir. Well, actually,

in Tora,

we have a lot of people staying here at the hotel now.

What about Torres? Sorry, sir?

Torres? What, the last name,

sir? Sorry? Yeah. Torres.

Torres. T-O-R-R-E

R-E-Z, I think, Torres.

Torres?

Yeah.

Torres, Torres.

No, sir, anyone with that last name.

Torres, I don't have anyone with that last name here.

Hmm.

Oh, man, that's Quiñones?

Quiñones.

No, sir.

Oh, boy.

Bedoya.

Gonzalez.

Bedoya.

No, sir.

No Bedoya.

Oh, boy.

Oh, man.

Amendola?

No, sir.

Even if I have a person with the last name of Bedoya in case,

but I don't have.

I need the name too

because just with the last name

I cannot transfer you.

What about Nalgaz?

Vargas?

Nalgaz.

How do you spell it?

N-A-L-G-A-S.

No, sir.

No one with that last name.

No?

Do you have Panocha?

Sir, sorry.

Sorry, but I think that...

What about Panocha?

Do you have Panocha there?

Panocha.

We just stay here.

I can help you out

with those last names.

I cannot help you, sir.

Do you have Tetas?

Tetas.

What's the last name?

T-E-T-A-S?

Sorry, sir.

Help with the name.

So I had to say tits at the end again, and then fucking...

He kept looking them up.

How do we miss calling a fucking apartment complex or a fucking hotel in Columbia,

and no one there is answering, or no one there with any of those last names?

I tried the best I could, man.

I even gave the last name of the one Colombian person I know, Bedoya.

Nope.

Oh, well.

I gave it my...

Hey, Carlito, you want to call a KC Anthony in Orlando?

No.

it's not the same casey anthony i know but it'll still be funny no yeah no actually what's her is

her middle initial m i don't know because that sounds like it would be at casey m anthony she's

not going to be listed dude are you crazy yeah true no one even knows she everyone knows she's

in florida she has to be in the state of florida but she's like in hyde air or something no one

i think she's in like court st lucie or something or stewart sounds like it i don't know she's

going to school online right and uh she i think she has a boyfriend and she adopted a dog and

says she wants to adopt a child at some point yeah that's what she that's that's the street

beat on oh i heard her dog died it fell asleep it fell asleep uh did she yeah on chloroform

chloroform okay all right uh let's uh let's call this columbian place again and try to direct

Correct dial the extension.

I don't think for some reason on my Skype,

automated systems do not pick up my touch tones.

I don't know why.

Actually, I'll take a Casey Anthony call.

No.

Gracias por llamar al Hotel Estelar La Fontana.

Para español, marque uno.

For English, press two.

Thanks for calling Hotel Estelar La Fontana.

If you like, dial six on the apartment number.

Or dial seven.

Número de extensión inválido.

Thanks for calling Hotel Estelar.

Número de extensión inválido. Un momento, por favor. Le voy a transferir a la operadora.

Hello, the apartment numbers. Are they like three digits or how many?

Sir, what's the apartment number you're looking for?

31.

31, no, sir. We don't have that apartment. Who you're looking for?

You have 131?

No, sir. We don't have 131.

How do they go?

Sorry, but I cannot help you.

We don't have that apartment.

Apartment 13?

What apartment?

13.

No, sir, we don't have that apartment.

Apartment 112?

Sorry, what's the name of the person you're looking for?

Roberts.

What's the last name?

Yeah, Roberts.

What about apartment number 1204?

Sir, sorry, we don't have that apartment, and we don't have the name that you're looking for.

Do you have Medellin?

No, sir.

Sir, Medellin is a city, and we don't have that person here.

You don't have Mr. Medellin there?

No, sir, we don't have it.

Escobar, Mr. Escobar from Medellin?

No, we don't have it, too.

Pablo Escobar?

Sir, if you need something important...

Sir, I think you're taking a run around.

How can you not have...

You are what we call pendejo.

Oh, man, he's got...

How can they not have any of these numbers?

How do they not have Escobar?

Escobar's a big Colombian last name, too.

I tried every single Spanish last name I could think of, guys.

Seriously.

Common Spanish names.

You heard them all.

We got all the U-E-Zs out of the way already, right?

I'm pretty sure.

Except for Vasquez.

Quinones made me laugh.

Quinones.

That's Puerto Rican, though.

There was no chance.

Well, that was my ex-psychiatrist's name.

Quinones.

He was Puerto Rican, right?

That's a Puerto Rican.

No, he was Cuban, actually.

Was he?

Yeah, it's from the islands.

That's why.

Cuban, Puerto Rican.

They have Quinones.

sticks to there it's cool as fuck yeah i guess sure he was man if you say so he was cuban he was

he was okay i guess they're okay people they're not as bad as the dominicans the dominicans are

the ones i don't like and mexicans are just so dirty i thought you were mexican fuck you

kidding you're a jew are you jewish man like what's with the hair now my grandma denies that

there's jew in the family but i don't know man you look pretty jewish to me that new

your ok cupid pictures you gotta shave that head man get a nice haircut like jason bateman you know

kind of haircut i want to get like a hundred dollar haircut there you go yeah that goes there

you go get a nice jason bateman haircut you know you saw some nice pair of slacks you know and a

nice uh button-up collared t-shirt and you take a picture with that you know and you take one

picture where you're you have your hand in a fist and it's under your chin and you're looking at

the camera straight what about one picture with my hand and a fist in the air like the madhouse

logo there you go that one too yeah but that one just in black and white you know what about a

picture with my clothes off i don't want to see that but thank you anyway uh i don't think okay

cupid lets you put that on the front page do they do they have i mean as long as the penis isn't

showing do they have a private section like you can share private photos uh but like it actually

says it just says don't show anything so i could be like covering my cock and shit well do the

thing where you tuck tuck it back like you did on that uh oh my god i'd probably get deleted for

that which i actually might delete the profile well now you got to kind of get bored with it

now it's fucking out there all the fucking madhouse world has it and they're going to be freaking

bothering you on there probably best if i do they're going to have phone you know phone sex

with you know a guy who sounds like you were doing earlier when you sound like a man you

You won't know it until the end.

You really think I'd fall for that?

Yeah.

You fell for it with a transvestite one night.

Because I had been fucking woken up out of a dead sleep.

Yeah, that's what they'll do.

They're going to call you at three in the morning.

Like, oh, hi.

Like, oh, yeah, baby.

Well, these days I just don't answer the phone if I don't know who it is.

Oh, okay.

All right, cool.

Whatever happened with those swingers, that polyamorous couple?

I fucked her.

Yeah, I thought you just titty fucked her.

Yeah, you went back?

No, I went back.

Oh, was he there watching?

watching yeah it was kind of fucking weird what did he do i had to bust that's what that's actually

the last time i got laid like months ago now what he was he watching again was he jerking off

watching he wasn't jerking off but like he was just being fucking weird i got out of there real

quick though so you fuck what was he on the bed too what happened i didn't know about this are

you allowed to talk he was sitting in the computer chair and turned around and watching you bang his

wife yeah what did you i told him that i had to go drop off some drugs so i had to leave yeah

Yeah, because they think you're a drug runner.

They say that you're a drug runner.

That's funny.

Did she get on top, or what did you do?

How did you do this?

From behind.

Wow, and he watched back there.

I actually lost her number.

I was thinking of calling her up.

Yeah, man, there you go.

But that's all the way in Claremont.

That's a long drive, man.

I need a slump buster real bad.

Yeah, I hear you.

Yeah, you should have kept that as a backup, man.

Well, the thing is, the only record of her number

was in a phone that got destroyed.

Oh, well, shit.

And I never saved it, so it's not in my Google.

Just go over to the house once.

Yeah, just fucking show up.

Just show up.

I'm ready.

I'm horny.

Say Daddy Horny.

That's all you got to say.

I know how to get back there.

Evil Ideas in the chatroom says he bets it's on tape.

God damn.

Oh, man.

All right.

I'm trying to milk him.

Oh, my God.

That would suck.

Can you imagine?

Holy shit.

That would be bad.

I should have used a bug finder in the room.

Yeah.

Milkman, are you back now?

I keep trying to get you back on, and you drop off immediately.

Actually, it was probably too dark to record.

No, it's on that green and white fucking night vision shit.

Yeah, where your eyes are glowing.

That's fucked up.

Okay.

Thank you, Lonesome, for that.

I think we're just about done because I don't have many numbers left here.

Let me look at request to prank one more time just to make sure there's nothing promising I'm missing.

It is pretty much too late to prank anybody in the States on a Sunday night.

There is one from...

actually i have a way of getting her number there is one from fizz hiffy here that came

in about 30 minutes ago hey can an sd card um be good after being submerged in water

as far as i know yeah nothing affects them they're they're just static it's just a static

memory so it should be as long as it's dry it should work okay i got the funny thing is i left

that the old phone up there the lesbians house because the kids they love playing with phones

Oh.

So it was like, it went through the fucking washer, dude.

Oh, they have kids.

How nice.

Very nice.

Hey, Milkman, you're back.

Yeah, man.

Any idea if an SD card will survive being dunked in water?

I think it will, right?

As long as it's dry, it'll work again, right?

It doesn't get corrupted in water.

It should be, as long as you don't apply power.

If you apply power to anything that's been moistened, it gets good shorted, so make sure

you dry it first.

Yeah, make sure it's dry.

Yeah, it's probably been drying for like two months.

Oh, you're fine.

It should be okay then.

Yeah, you should be okay then.

Yep.

Yeah, it was probably okay about like six, seven weeks ago.

Yeah.

Cool.

Here's someone looking for a Mormon roommate.

Okay.

No drinking or smoking.

Let's see if they answer.

This will be the last call of the night because it's pretty late.

Milkman, hang on.

I got to be up in about four hours.

All right.

Oh, shit.

Well, hang on so you can do your goodbye because you've been sleeping the last few weeks.

Oh, wait, wait.

I forgot to mention.

I thought I should go door to door.

That reminds me, hey, before we do the prank, because I might forget, my work schedule is changing again, unfortunately.

Oh, what? Is it going to be a situation? What's going on, man?

Yeah, we talked about this, me and Milkman. I forgot to mention all night. It's late now, too.

But my work schedule changed again, so I'm going to end up with Thursday nights and Friday nights off of work again.

Yeah, all right. I like Thursdays.

Thursday night again.

Back to Thursday night.

Now, I miss Saturday nights, though.

Saturday nights were fun.

But I think instead of that now, I'll be at work,

and I can actually listen to whoever else is on on Saturday nights and Sundays.

I might start doing a Saturday night show soon.

There you go.

Wow.

I just saw you and Katie Goode going to do a show together, man.

This is going to be one dynamic duo, man.

Hi.

You and Katie Goode.

Artie, if you're going to do a show, help do it with us.

Do pranks and stuff, man.

Oh, yeah, man.

I will do.

All right.

Well, cool.

You've got to get equipment.

KDK, man, as long as you're running the show, man.

I think it'd be a good show, man.

It'd be a good dynamic combo.

Anyway, so in the next few weeks, it's not going to be immediate.

It's about maybe three to four weeks away.

Madhouse will once again move back to our original Thursday night slot

that'll open up Sundays for anyone who wants to pick a show.

And what we also want to talk about,

we want to get a conference here going with all the different Madhouse hosts

at some point.

Good idea, Mano.

We want to set some ground rules and set a schedule for everybody.

Kind of like how, Artie, you remember how Dino used to run Syndicate?

He had a good, solid schedule.

Everyone had ground rules.

Don't go on unless you clear the schedule, unless the slot is open on the time in the schedule,

or that person is no longer on, stuff like that.

Or if that person comes out and says, hey, I'm not going to make it tonight,

night anyone else who wants to go on go on and that that kind of thing so we're gonna that's

not cool what's going on is is madhouse the the network here is is growing really fast it's gotten

to a point where we got a lot of people who want to do shows but it's starting to conflict some

people want to do a show and they can't because the other person already went on so we want to

we want everyone everyone who wants to do a show that's cool as long as you pick a night pick a

regularly scheduled one night a week and that's your slot and then if you want to go on any other

their time that's fine as long as first of all it's no one else's slot you know no one else is

going to be on at that time of day or night and also if you're going to go on you know it's it's

to do pranks and stuff it's not to just come on and play music or anything like that we want to

audio uh because the people for the most part who tune into the station want to hear prank calls

let's say this the kind of station it is i mean you can play music and stuff during a show like

Like, we play music here, and Aaron and Brad and everyone plays music.

Sure, yeah, you want some music, you know,

and you're showing the background and some musical breaks,

but you want to do more pranks or actual talking than music.

We don't want music shows.

It's an accompaniment.

Music is an accompaniment, man, not a focus.

Exactly, exactly.

All right, last prank of the night.

Let's see if they answer.

Thiz Hiffy sending in another roommate, a Mormon roommate in this case.

And we'll work it out.

Maybe next weekend we'll have a Skype conference or something.

think we'll figure it out get a nice schedule we got a lot of people man i'm sure everybody wants

to get it working smooth they're gonna answer no answer all right well milkman's got to go to sleep

i should try to get a little bit of gaming in before i go to sleep arty thanks for being on

it's good talking to you yeah i gotta talk to you off the off the air real quick though all right

all right well let's let me sign off and then i'll talk to you party party smarty hey man good

to hear you man stay out travel man let me know how it works out with you and michelle bro yeah

Yeah, man.

We're working on that.

Let me see if she tweeted back.

She might have.

She will.

Especially if you tweet her, she will tweet back, dude.

Yeah.

Anyway.

All right.

See you already.

Bye, man.

All right.

Later.

All right.

That's already.

Milkman, take us out of here, Sleepy Milkman.

All right.

Oh, man.

I guess it's that time again, friends.

We're going to have to roll them funky chimes, man.

Let's keep them rolling, man.

I'd like to thank all of our friends out there.

That's right, everybody in the madhouse

All of our crazy crew we got right here

Especially you

The numbers hit mad

Thank God for you, man

When we do all fits and hands held

That's right, man

I want to thank all of our friends

Right there, that there in the madhouse

Everybody in the 8.6, all our friends

Crazy friends stopped by and joined in

For their crazy comedic styling

They're on here, they're live in your balls

That's right, like we do every year

every week right here on this great show we call the madhouse i'd like to thank all our friends

that uh participated in the show to join in and everybody that's not there in the cacti world

and places further and beyond the phone losers the phone winners all of our friends all of our

great new hosts that have joined the network man you guys are impressive and you're keeping me

laughing man so i've got to say thank you thank you so much looking forward to our meeting and

everybody getting it to get it because you know what the mad out is here to stay the network is

growing and we got more brilliant talents than you believe so keep tuning in right here to the

crazy ass madhouse why because we do this every week we like most interactive live show you can

find right here on the internet that's right we provide it for you free of charge that's right

we drop the dime we just ask you to come bring a friend bring me always work welcome right here in

In the madhouse, what we do without our fearless leader.

That's right.

The hermanito generalissimo of the madhouse position.

Hermanito, man, thank God for your help.

Everybody, how many lives have been saved?

Untold numbers due to this wild and crazy, hilarious brother of mine.

Hermanito Chito, brother hermanito.

Thank you, man.

Much love.

Hermanito Chito, thank you.

And as Milkman said, a big thank you to everyone who's sending numbers tonight,

night primarily lonesome loser our main

confirmer guy Brad Carter

sending in numbers as well tonight

Big Ken sending numbers Doc Brown

Acid Pez Enigma Fizz Iffy

and Big Cactus all sending in numbers

we didn't get to them all but thank you all

those who contributed much appreciated

thanks to all our

guests on the line today including Big Baby

Baz Big Ken and Big Evil

Artie and the Milkman

thanks for helping me out again tonight

and we're gonna call it a night here

thank you and yeah

Yeah, Evil Ideas, you got kicked out of the chat room because I said, specifically, I said, I don't want goddamn fucking Game of Thrones spoilers, fake or not.

And he went in there, well, Arya Stark gets raped.

You better, I'm going to watch it right now.

I'm going to go watch it on my iPad.

I swear to God, you better hope that Arya Stark doesn't get raped in tonight's episode, because if it does, you're permanently banned.

Permanently banned.

I have your IP address and everything, you stupid fucking asshole.

hole, you stupid little shit.

You know what, man?

It's easy for the air model to nuke you out of existence and also eliminate you from the

stream, so you better be very nice and consider talking apologetically to the air model, man.

You better hope that little bitch doesn't get raped tonight's episode, or you're going

to get ban-raped, motherfucker.

All right, we're out of here.

Good night, everybody.

It's been great.

Bye.

Oh.

Calls (42, 1 h 34 min of 3 h 59 min)

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