Kaheka

You asshole, cocksucker, mother...

Yeah, I am your friend, Bahantot's mother, chug.

I don't know why you tell this, old boy.

You got a world of hurt, Kevin, motherfucker.

Hey, dude.

Hey.

Oh, my God.

I smell like coconuts.

Coconuts.

Smells good, man.

I want you guys to smell my coconuts.

They be smelling good, yo.

Good evening.

I'm Carlito, the host of the Madhouse radio television program.

Thank you, everyone who is tuning in tonight.

Beautiful, all of you.

I'd like to have sex with all of you.

Yeah.

Now, what else can I say?

Hey, man, Milkman's not around.

I keep trying to call him, you know, and he no answer the phone.

Don't get it.

I don't know what's the problem with Milkman.

Let's call him again.

Get the music fixed, didn't he?

I feel like I got that shit taken care of.

Hey, big guy.

Hey, boy.

How you doing there, big guy?

So this is Carlito, and I'm trying to call you to be on the show, Milkman, when you get a chance.

Hit me up wherever you hit me up.

All right, big guy.

i'll keep trying to call you i miss you bye milkman milkman everybody milkman i wanted to

share with you here real quick off the this is funny stuff i just uh i don't log into the account

that we use for calling out you know an outbound line i don't really log into that during the week

and uh i didn't log into it since the live show until just about 30 minutes ago when i go in there

there there's all these very nasty mean and nasty as i like to say mean nasty uh vulgar messages

being left and i really wanted to share we got two of them this is from the guy last week's show

if you caught last week's episode of the madhouse radio show i uh guess i called in tennessee some

dude who had a freezer for sale out of his garage and i called asked if i remember correctly i called

And I just kept saying motherfucker this and motherfucker that, you know,

about wanting to go hunting and stuff a deer carcass in there.

Anyway, so I guess he turned his tracer on everybody,

and he traced your old pal Carlito.

Here's the first call, the first voicemail he left.

Hilarious. Enjoy this one.

I'm going to cut this up for audio, too, because when you hear this,

you're going to know why I want to cut this up

so I can play this back to people on the show.

So, you know, you're talking asshole.

There you go.

We got the way he says asshole and then cocksucker and then motherfucker.

Nice and separated and really angry sounding.

It's perfect.

He just, he's fucking, he's giving that to me.

I got friends in low places.

Have out your name, address, everything.

Way out in the vibe.

Call this old boy.

You got a world of hurt.

There you go, guys.

World of hurt.

Shit's hilarious.

I love that shit

I love that fucking guy

We gotta call him back tonight guys

Come on

Let's do this

Let's do this again

For sale

You know you're

Motherfucker

That's so redneck

So a hillbilly

Right there

Cocksucker

Motherfucker

Surprised he didn't call me the n-word

Surprised he didn't drop that one on me

Jesus Christ

Lord in heaven

God

I hope you guys enjoyed that

Uh

Look into the chat room

There's a lot of silly little people there

including our good friend lonesome loser machine who's sending in numbers separated with horizontal

lines that's a new new thing that he's doing and so far i give that a thumbs up you know

i'll give it a b plus for his execution we'll see how it goes tonight good work lonesome

always keeping it fresh in prank call confirmation technology uh he's sending in a lot of numbers for

McDonald's in Hawaii.

We've got a place called Don Quixote.

Looks like it's a chain over there because there's

three of them. Or at least a

mini chain. We've got a

few. We've got a phone that's been lost.

Looks like a Galaxy

Nexus. Samsung Galaxy Nexus

was lost in Hawaii. Forget that.

Those are Craigslist numbers. We've got a bunch

of things here to get to. I did see

Big Ken send in some requested

pranks before the show started. You could do

that too. If you're over at MadHouseLive.com

over there at good old madhouse live.com use the request to prank form top of the page and send

your anonymous prank call requests over there there are some guidelines we asked you to follow

i'm sure you can figure it out if you look over there on the page good luck with that buddy while

you're at it join the chat room browse the forums and subscribe to the podcast a big thank you to

everyone who's hosting us here tonight including our friends over on the pla radio machine and

And that's PhoneLosers.com, I believe, and .org, either one, you know.

One of them goes to the forums.

The other one goes to the radio, I think.

I don't know how it works.

He says, Brad, he's got to, I keep telling you, man, you got to consolidate your product, man.

You're really fragmented, man.

You know, you're like Yahoo was around 2005.

Super fragmented, no real direction, you know, no real starting point, ending point.

You've got to work on that, Brad Carter.

I'm going to pray for you tonight that you do that.

Also, BluePlanetPrankRadio.net or .com.

I don't know what it is.

That's another confusing one.

BluePlanet Prank Radio Kids.

Hey, guys.

This is a lot of you guys out there listening.

You guys never join the chat room.

You guys never send an email or request a prank.

Right now, there's a whole slew of you.

There's 68 of you just on that stream.

stream and none of you seem to be paying much attention here to carlito i'd like to see you

guys give i don't know who i think ted told me ted runs that you know what you're listening to

right now if you're on blue planet prank radio that's our good friend ted webb the nice guy is

a good prank caller he doesn't do it anymore but he amasses them and runs a i think it's the best

prank call shoutcast station available as ted's he's got the perfect selection for my likes my

tastes when it comes uh to prank calls i always listen to that first if i'm in a prank call

listening mood then i might go to madhouse i don't like listening to myself too much it's

kind of weird right driving around sitting around listening to yourself shit man anyway like i said

ken sent a request to prank here that says you get to watch this man destroy his girlfriend

friend you want what what are you talking about ken you confused me you cannot oh what you pay

them 200 for 30 minutes show of what to watch your what to watch him fight to watch him beat

up his girlfriend you get to sit in the privacy of our hotel room and watch my boyfriend destroy me

uh you can watch them having sex i guess do not ask to join just a live show do not call block

number do not ask for more pictures all requests will go ignored that's weird man that's kinky

these people dirty people like fucking no fuck for you and you watching the fucking wow let's

give them a call let's that's what that's about right what's that like warm up to the show some

perverts and perverted white people why not put people on the perverted stuff you know why people

like footplay sex show why people like that too what else why people like kissing kissing in bed

bed romantic kissing in bed i'm sure there's a few more there hey it's anthony oh okay i don't

know if that was a voicemail because of the way you answered no no what's going on oh i saw this

ad where you get to beat up your girlfriend yeah we're gonna be doing it at nine o'clock um two

individuals but you um did you want us tonight or yeah you cater what do you cater exactly

wine and cheeses or what when i go there you said no just show show oh no you said you cater i don't

know if like it's you can have is it byob can i bring a drink and some poppers nah that's okay

that's no drinking have a good day though no no drink no no okay no drinking please i'm sorry

don't be mad don't please oh it's okay i'm not mad but don't go we get an enormous amount of

calls right now we're very picky as far as who we bring in i'm a doctor i'm a doctor i'm smart

i have a lot of money i drive a duster oh man i had a chance he was i had a chance to watch the

the fuck what he ain't gonna answer the second time that's how it goes with those things man

you know what that was guys is basically there was like a it was like there's a little uh squirrel

that i see in the parking lot and i want to try to convince him to come over to me now so i offer

him some squirrel food you know and he starts coming closer and closer in a little bit of time

and he kind of trusts me and right before he takes some of the food i go and i flap my arms

that's basically what i just did that's what i consider it all right verizon samsung galaxy

nexus machine this is from last week it has been removed but still worth a call

lonesome losers you suggest it was stolen by a tall black guy named leroy all right he rides a

white bike and hangs out everywhere he can take stuff from he's been here two years and now this

makes five cell phones stolen from me why can't people go out and earn it like i did now i can't

find a decent android phone and my 12 year old handicapped son has no way of calling me if he

gets sick leave school early wants me to stop and get him food or anything when the same the same

guy took his iphone 5 about a month ago wow that's something huh you know where where where

what was me i'm gonna open my sody pop hang on and we'll call that he's gonna shoot the shit

with a guy you know what i mean like hey man what happened it's leroy the guy's name is leroy you

know who's he black let's find out i'm gonna just tell him i might have some information but i just

want to shoot the shit uh if i could find the number guys i went out for my birthday dinner

tonight my wife went to red lobster i haven't been to red lobster in a long time i don't like

to go to that kind of place i don't want to go to that kind of um you know corporate chain kind

of place i said ah you know it's in the area and it can't be that bad well actually it wasn't that

bad you know the one thing is red lobster man you you they moved away from the new england

you know seafood and steakhouse they moved away from that and like more than half the menu first

First of all, shrimp. Half the menu is

fucking shrimp. Some form of shrimp.

Shrimp linguine, shrimp. It's like Bubba

Gump. Alright? Shrimp this, shrimp that.

And then another

quarter of it, they're trying to do all this tropical

island stuff. That's not what

Red Lobster's supposed to be, man.

They wouldn't do that. They have Bahama Breeze.

The company, Darden, has Bahama Breeze.

What they're doing? Hello? Hey, what's going on?

There was something happening about a

Nexus phone that got taken away.

What about it?

Did you find the phone? No.

Oh, so what was this guy, Leroy, right?

I think he's the guy that took it.

He was like, hey, this is me.

He was telling me, hey, I'm Leroy, yo.

And I was like, what's up, son?

And he said, I got the iPhone, and I got a Galaxy, Samsung Galaxy Nexus, he said.

You know?

Who's this?

It's this dude.

Huh?

My name's Eddie.

What?

My name's Eddie.

I'm a bus boy at Red Lobster.

Oh.

Yeah.

So why did they steal the phone?

This guy stole five phones from you already, or is this the first one?

No, I don't know if we were the first people he stole phones from.

But I know he stole from other people.

He's a real jerk, right, that guy?

I don't like him at all.

That's not nice.

That's not fun or funny or nice.

Not even for a joke.

You know, you do things.

You'll never touch anything that's not yours.

Yep.

So, yeah, I hope you get it back, you know.

well i know that phone is probably long gone so no he has it he has it he said he showed it to me

today he showed it to me to sell it to me oh he did he wanted to say he wanted a marijuana

cigarette and he was gonna buy a marijuana cigarette it was my birthday he said we'll

smoke a marijuana cigarette back here in the back he said you know and then lysol was here

you know lysol that you know his friend lysol no i don't know who that is yeah he just got out for

uh he just got off of probation so he they they let him he can start drinking i don't associate

with people like that i know but he does leroy does leroy's been doing it he's hanging out with

this guy lysol and apparently lysol and leroy they had like some kind of relations in uh in

jail they were in jail together and that lysol like touched him i guess and kissed him in the

back in the back of his neck he was kissing him in the back of the neck he's this big black guy

with a beard and a big belly and a shaved head and he did that thing no i don't know what these

people look like well i saw told me he said he asked me if i had any money and let him borrow

five dollars and then i asked him today if i could get it back and he said fuck you like that he said

i'm sorry a curse but he said f you and he said like that and he snatched my chain off of my neck

and then he knocked my glasses out and they almost got inside one of the vegetable cookers

i was lucky i was in the back busing i was washing a dishwasher and a bus boy you know

yeah so what do you think what how do you know him like through work or i don't know no way i'm

a demo assistant i don't hang with people like that and i'm a mother of two so i don't i don't

associate with people like that and you have a crazy uh crazy child it says what you have a crazy

crazy child who needs a phone in school if he needs diapers he's not crazy he's disabled oh

okay no that's what lysol was saying he was like that bitch has a crazy child he's he he was

telling me and he's always asking to go to mcdonald's is that true is that him he likes

mcdonald's no not my kids my husband yeah that's who he's yeah he was saying their husband yeah

Yeah, yeah, this guy, he's weird that he knows a lot about you, this guy, Leroy.

I'm scared for you.

Is that the...

Yeah, I don't know.

I guess because my husband used to associate with people like that.

Is that the handicapped baby?

No, that's my other one.

Oh, good, good.

That's good.

Hey, yeah, Milkman's calling me.

Hello?

Lysol's calling me, my other phone.

Lysol.

Hey, Lysol.

Yeah, Lysol.

Oh, I got this lady on the line.

I can't hear you, son of a bitch.

I can't hear you, the fucking radio.

You stupid asshole.

How am I going to hear him with the radio going like that?

God damn it.

I don't understand him.

That just makes me mad.

He calls over here to talk to me, and he's got windows down, Bluetooth in his fucking big fat ear,

and he's blasting fucking music, rock and roll music.

How am I going to listen to him?

He's stupid.

Well?

How did you get this number?

Leroy said you were the person that had lost the phone.

And he got the number from the phone.

He said, this is the number right here of the person who I took it from.

He's like, I took this shit from these people like that.

He said, this B-I-T-C-H.

He said like that.

But together, not just, you know, he didn't spell it out.

He better watch it because I do black magic.

So he's going to have to watch his ass from now on.

Yeah, you do Santeria?

I used

my mom

used to do

sanaria

she'd

every year

once a year

she'd you know

buy a chicken

on that one day

and sacrifice

no I don't do that

I just

I do other stuff

oh really

you drink blood

and all that

yes

what do you do

no I'm not a vampire

oh do you ever

have sex in the forest

what

well I have

a girlfriend once

she said that

she was in

doing black magic

and they used to

have sex in the forest

and stuff like that

no there is no forest

oh

this was for Gaia

They pray to Gaia, and they have sex on the forest naked.

They get naked and have sex with all the trees and stuff.

No, there's really no area where you can do that here.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, you got a point.

It's too dangerous, right?

No, not dangerous.

It's too much out in the open.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, so I mean it's not safe to go out.

Yeah.

Yeah, I hear you, man.

Well, that's cool.

If I hear something, if I hear from her, I'll scooper your way.

Maybe you two can get together.

I don't know.

What do you do?

Is it Satanism, or what do you do?

you know it's hereditary what we do hereditary oh wow that's that's pretty that sounds cool what

does it have a name for the uh the bride what's it called what's it from is it like sanaria or

what is it no it's it's just very different it's nothing that you guys know about oh a secret oh

are you hawaiian native hawaiian no i'm not oh what are you dominican no it's a big secret right

You can't tell me.

All I can say is it's hereditary from my great-grandma.

Oh, wow, man.

That's crazy.

Yeah, wow, from your great-grandma?

And you're not a vampire?

Nope.

Are you, like, a zombie?

No, I'm alive.

I'm alive.

Did you ever play Vampire the Masquerade back in the 90s?

Nope.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

What?

Do you know what I'm talking about?

That role-playing game, Vampire the Masquerade?

No, I never played that.

Did you ever hear of it, though?

No.

Oh, okay.

Tell me my brother has.

Oh, okay.

It's crazy.

What about, are you a werewolf?

No.

Are you a mummy?

No.

Alien?

No.

Extraterrestrial like that?

No?

Are you from the future?

No.

I like the running around.

Is your grandma from the future?

No.

Oh.

No, but we can tell you the future.

Is it a, oh, are you Gypsy?

Are you a Roma?

No, I'm not Roman.

Oh, no Roma.

You know Roma, the Gypsy traveler, Irish traveler?

My family was.

ah that's cool i was just trying to guess see what you were you know irish traveler yeah man

i saw that tv show with the irish travelers you know i think the irish irish traveler girls are

hot they're pretty sexy they get all sexed up real early and drink a lot of milk you know

they get that lactic acid and there's hormones in that milk with the milk here in hawaii isn't bad

you know it's it's here from the islands they don't let it you know and they have a different

standard here it has to be pasteurized a different way over here than over there in the states you

know and it's much better here it's much it doesn't have any hormones over here it's good

milk too you know milk tastes better here god damn it you know what i mean you drink you drink

cow's milk or what do you like goat's milk what do you like what you ever drink you do you drink

cow's milk at all or goat milk yeah i do you ever do soy milk it's pretty good yeah yeah it's pretty

pretty good. I put that in my coffee.

What? I put it in my coffee.

Alright. Alright, well, I don't know,

you know. I'm gonna call Lysol

back. You want me to tell him something?

No. What about Leroy?

No, you don't have to tell him anything. Alright, well,

you let me know. You got my number. You give me a call

back if you want me to do something with these sons of bitches,

alright? Nope, quite alright.

Alright, you take care. Bye, honey, baby.

Bye. Bye, sweetie, honey, baby.

I'm afraid to make her mad because

she's got Irish trapwood blood,

man. Ever since she said she did Black

Blackmagic, I ain't gonna make her, man.

I'm too scared.

I believe in that shit, man.

I'll fuck you up.

Irish traveler.

Milk.

Now I'm really gonna fuck up.

I'm gonna get the Blackmagic machine on me.

Oh, shit.

Devil machine.

Yeah.

Receive your message after the tone.

Hello.

Oh.

Let's try again.

Hang on.

Receive your message after the tone.

Yes, hello.

This is the White Devil, and I'm just going to let you know that I heard about some good

work you've been doing.

and I'm very proud of you

now I know that you practice

black magic not white magic

and I am the white devil

but I'm friends with the black devil

we go back a long time

me and the black devil

so I just want to let you know

that you're doing a good job

keep up the good work

and if you ever decide that you want to move over

to the white side and practice

white magic as a white mage

let me know

I should have re-listened to that

should have re-listened to that message yeah a little bit of final fantasy in there and of

course since i'm the devil i gotta play metallica i don't know why i never thought of that either

that's an obvious because metallica is the devil guys you know that right the devil okay all right

so uh leroy and i believe this yeah we also got a number for the mcdonald's where they believe

that Leroy stole the thing from him.

I don't know if he works there.

Maybe he works there.

All right, let's find out.

White Devil's on the case.

Hi, good afternoon, McDonald's.

How can I help you?

Yes, hi, is Leroy, is there a Leroy who works here?

Oh, I'm so sorry, I cannot hear you.

Is there a Leroy that works here, coño?

What is that?

Is there a Leroy that works here?

I'm so sorry, sir, I cannot understand.

try to call back again later okay fuck milkman milkman did you turn off your radio now and shit

did you turn off the radio now oh

shit.

Leonard Skinner, man.

Hell yeah.

That's good shit right there, man.

Wow.

Sweet.

Are you getting out anytime soon or are you going to be there all night?

Holy shit.

Wow.

All right.

Well, yeah.

That's three hours from now, I guess.

or a little more than that if i'm getting if i'm still on and call in man yeah so far i'm just

shooting the shit and doing some calls we're okay yeah man i'm all right yeah just me i'm just on

doing the calls yep yep yep yeah lonesome's here yeah all right well listen moderation because

remember the last time what happened at the concert you went to all right just you know

know moderation you know you know what i'm saying yeah all right well check in with me later

all right all right buddy see you later bye enjoy the night off

well there you go that answers that that's where he was shows you how often i talk to milkman these

days go to a concert even though well it deserves a good night off you can take it easy relax yeah

Yeah, last time he got super messed up at a concert.

We don't need that again.

Well, continuing on with the prank calls.

Let's try to call that Hawaiian McDonald's again.

Just a minute ago, she acted.

She acted like she couldn't hear me.

I call bullshit, but whatever.

Afternoon, how can I help you?

Is that the McDonald's there?

Yeah, this is McDonald's waiting for you, sir.

Oh, hey, is there a Leroy that works here?

Who?

Leroy.

Leroy?

Black boy.

There's no Leroy working over here, sir.

Does he work on other nights and he's not there now, Damien?

No, no, we don't have a Leroy name working over here.

Now, what about a regular black boy that comes in there named Leroy who still sells...

We don't have it, sir, over here.

Ask for Leroy. Where's Leroy? Say it right now. Where's Leroy?

Leroy! Say it.

Sir, we don't have a Leroy over here.

You have customers. Leroy.

Oh, you're a customer, Leroy.

Ask for customer Leroy.

Ask for the customer named Leroy.

I command you.

Figured maybe Leroy was hanging out there like a motherfucker.

Right?

Stupid.

Or it could also be one of the following McDonald's that are close by.

Okay?

Alright, let's keep looking then for this Leroy.

Hang on.

Loads of confirm for me.

Is Leroy an employee?

I didn't read the whole story.

I got the gist of it.

But does Leroy work at the McDonald's or does he just frequent one?

Shit.

I'll go to Sherry.

Hey, mahalo.

Mahalo.

Hey, how are you, honey?

Now, is there a Leroy that works at this restaurant?

I don't have a Leroy that works at this restaurant.

There's no boy named Leroy there?

Is there a regular customer?

I don't know.

I never heard of the name Leroy, sir.

All right, shut up for a second.

Then I'll take a senior coffee to go, please.

It's not there.

I'll take a senior coffee to go.

Fucking seniors coming in for their free...

i don't think it's free anymore i used to get that free coffee senior citizens go there mcdonald's

in my town where i grew up they there were these senior citizens they go in and they curse really

loud because they couldn't hear each other and it was sitting there like fuck this goddamn this

n-word that they'd be there all day drinking coffee i bet those motherfuckers be there like

good three four hours sometimes so i'd go every i go you know maybe once a weekend i'd see those

fuckers there at every different times same fucking like six old men they're all new each

each other sitting there drinking coffee getting all hopped up in coffees free senior coffee

how you doing there honey hey honey how are you sweetie how are you hi do you need anything yeah

mcdonald's i need to know if this is mcdonald's where that leroy works at who leroy no this is

not the mcdonald's we don't have any employee names now is this does your customer that comes

Comes in a lot, a black man named Leroy?

I have no idea.

Shut up, and I'll take a senior coffee to go.

I don't know if it's to shut up or the senior coffee that's making them hang up.

One of the two things, if not both of them, are contributing together to make them hang up whenever they hear that phrase.

Shut up.

Shut up, I'll take a senior coffee to go.

Because if I were there in Hawaii going in person to these different McDonald's asking these questions like a private investigator,

investigator i would end the conversations the same way the conversation would be exactly the

same the same way i'm saying it now does leroy work here does he already eat here shut up give

me a senior coffee to go oh boy let's look up this mcdonald's senior coffee see if there's a

culture online or any documentation about it there we go mcdonald's senior coffee what is

the official age to qualify for mcdonald's senior rate on coffee i think it's like 10 cents now

used to be free back in the 80s when i was a kid the official age is 50 years that's not bad

hey i'm only let's see i just turned 34 this uh this week i'm 16 years away from getting

senior rate on coffee at mcdonald's my fuck yeah man wow you also get buy one get one free

sandwich and burgers that's in canada though might be different i take that in a moment i

I take these Zydrops twice a day.

I got to take my night one here.

I got to take a break at some point, take my night drops.

Anyway, all right.

Well, I'm sitting here reading on my own about senior coffee when I'm supposed to be talking

to you guys and entertaining you.

Okay.

Here is another McDonald's.

We'll ask them about the Leroy and then we'll move on from this subject, I think, because

damn it.

Hello.

How are you, sweetie, honey?

Excuse me.

How can I help you?

Oh, are you good?

Are you doing okay today, honey?

Can you help me?

Anything.

Yes, I can help you, sir.

Okay.

Well, first, is there a Leroy that works at this stupid place?

No.

No Leroy?

Damn it.

Or is there a Leroy that's a customer there a lot that you know?

A black man?

A negro?

No, sir.

No?

All right.

Well, I'll take a senior coffee to go, please.

I don't have time to...

Don't get mad, please.

Okay.

yeah it's the shutout part

and the senior coffee

cause senior coffee on it's own

doesn't cause a problem

I'm a smart that's how I figured that one out

alright so Don Quixote is a

24 hour a chain

of 24 hour

uh grocery

store supermarkets

located in Hawaii

here we go with the first one

Pearl City home of Pearl Harbor

in Hawaii

Hawaii. Let's listen to that. Or rather, let's listen to me, Carlita.

Aloha. Thank you for calling Don Quijote Honolulu.

We are located at 801 Kaheka Street, back of the Pan Am building.

We are open 24 hours a day.

Pan Am.

If you know your party's extension, you may press it at any time.

For the post office, press 1.

For the electronics department, press 2.

For the produce department, press 3.

For the meat department, press 4.

Press 0, bitch.

One moment, please.

Thank you for calling Don Quijote.

How you doing, you crazy little girl? How are you?

Hello. Hello. How are you doing there, honey? How are you? Okay. Oh, good. I'm glad to talk

to you. I'm here, and you're there, and I answer the phone, and I'm here calling you

on the phone. Okay. Now, is there a person in the area that handles televisions and appliances?

Come on in, please. Hey, wait a minute. Thank you for the electronics. Oh, you guys do have

have electronics here, huh?

Yep. Oh, that's good. And you have

the Nintendos and all that.

No, no, we don't do any gaming stuff anymore.

What the hell do you do, you shit?

Oops. Oops. You know what I want to call

again? I want to call those stupid

K-Marts in Guam, was it, that I called?

Aloha. Thank you for calling

Takehore, Honolulu. We are located at

Kahoka Street. We're open 24

hours a day, and if you know your party's

extension, you may press it at any time.

Kahoka. Kahoka Street.

Kahoka. Kahoka.

One moment, please.

Kahaka, A-H-E-K-A, 801 Kahaka Street, Kahaka.

Oh, that's so fun to say.

Guys, say that.

Say Kahaka.

Thank you.

I'm going to speak to him.

I'll help you.

Kahaka.

Hello?

Kahaka Street.

Yes?

Yes.

Kahaka Street.

Yes.

Kahaka.

Uh-huh.

Kahaka.

Yeah.

Kahaka.

I'm sorry?

Kahaka Street.

Yes.

Kahaka Street.

Kahaka.

sometimes it's the simple things that crack me up

how stupid is she

she's just going to keep sitting there

doing it back and forth with me

she didn't stop until I cracked myself up

stupid

no answer there

I just completely went

ok here's a canary hotel instead

we'll see if kahaka means anything

in Iran

in Persian Farsi

kahaka

I'm going to be doing that all week now guys

I hope you know

know kahaka oh boy yes hi kahaka hello yes sir hi kahaka hello kahaka to you kahaka yes i like to

yes kahaka you know kahaka what do you mean kahaka what do you mean kahaka kahaka is the greeting

that my people extend to you kahaka okay i don't know what you mean i am i am canadian and here we

say kahaka okay another yeah do you have pineapple do you have pineapples pineapple yes do you have

No.

Do you have sister?

No, we don't.

Do you have sister?

I do not, no.

That's why I asked.

Can you give me?

I asked for you to give me your sister.

Oh, shit.

Can you give me?

Okay.

Iran, everybody.

Let's hear it for Iran.

Okay, he ain't going to answer the second time, son of a bitch.

But that's okay, because we have more Iranian phone numbers, including the Ziba Hotel.

Ziba.

That's fun to say, too.

Kahaka Ziba.

Kahaka Street.

Ziba, if I may?

Bonsoir, how are you?

Kahaka, hello.

Hello.

Kahaka, how are you?

Good, Bancho.

How are you?

Yes, good.

I like to make an order for me to come in and be in a place.

Now, do you have pineapples?

Huh?

Do you have pineapples?

Pineapples?

Yes, pineapples.

Do you have pineapples?

No?

Hello?

Yeah.

Okay.

Do you have a sister?

Yes.

You have sister?

Yes.

Your sister.

I kissed your sister.

I kissed sister?

Your sister, yeah.

Yeah.

Ah.

Sister.

One sister.

Your sister wants an American.

100 years old.

Your sister.

100 years old.

Your sister kissing a Jew.

Okay.

Your sister kissed Jewish.

My sister 100 years old.

Your sister's 100 years old.

Ah, yeah, yeah.

And you fuck her.

What?

You fuck your sister, you monkey.

What?

You monkey.

Huh?

You monkey, you.

Your friend.

Your mother.

They're using a typewriter.

For fuck's sake.

John.

Asshole

Hey stupid

Hello stupid

Iranian stupid

Hello

Iranian stupid

Yeah

Yeah you stupid

Who knew I was going to miss that

Okay

Bye monkey

Whatever

This is starting to bore me

Fun at first

Then boring

Alright

I would have brought up the dog thing

Apparently Nunu reminding us all

That dogs have been

Banned in Iran

Or in the process of being banned

In the country of Iran

The Islamic Republic of

and he says that we should uh see about bringing dogs as accommodations getting accommodations for

our dog machine okay what was it what was it the word i was saying kahaki kahaki kaheka oh shit i

forgot already kahaka kahaka that's what it was kahaka i remember now hello and kahaka to you

woman hello hello do you speak english yeah and you're a woman yes oh do you have a bra on a

a brassiere huh is it part of me you have underwear on that's a big insult with their guys

do you have underwear on you know how dare i ask a woman if she has the underwear on of course she

does any modest woman in iran would have underwear on yeah sloth's got a point iranian woman can't

be as sexy you know and one time i broke my hand and i was in a hospital in orlando and one of the

The woman behind the counter was a sexy-ass Iranian woman.

I was like, wow, man, she's looking good, you know?

She was a modern Iranian woman, you know, here in the States.

And she told me, I was like, I don't mean to, you know, be sound rude,

but can I ask you, what's your ethnicity?

And she said, I'm Iranian.

I'm like, wow, man.

She said, yeah, I was born and raised here, but I'm Iranian.

Wow, wow, man.

That's when I said, wow, man.

Yeah, no answer there.

Blah.

Okay.

Now, I did say I have to take eye drops, guys, and I think it's time for me to go get some

eye drops, and in order to do that, I might as well take a pee, and since I'm going to

do that, then I'm going to have to play a prank call.

Woo-hoo!

Okay.

Ain't got time for that.

Ain't no one got time.

Once upon a time, there was a little boy who lived in the deep, dark jungles of Africa.

His name was Little Sambo.

That's who we were just talking to.

I'm over here eating some blueberries.

Sorry, I keep those off cam.

Sorry.

All right.

No more numbers here.

Here's another Indian restaurant

Here's another Iranian hotel

Another Iranian hotel

Hello, my name is Goldberg

Hello

Yes, I'm calling

Hello

Yes, I'm calling and I want to come to have the hotel room

Hello

I'm coming and I want to be in the hotel

Hello

Do you have dogs?

I bring my dog

I bring my Jewish dog

Okay

Your ring number.

I'm bringing a dog.

What?

There's a dog in my room.

Excuse me, sir.

Your ring number, please.

Yeah.

My wrong number?

I want to tell them I have a dog loose in my room.

I think that would be funny.

Here's a different hotel.

Hopefully we get one of these where they speak real...

They all speak English.

I don't understand.

I'm sure they're not getting a lot of...

Well, they should be getting a lot of English-speaking guests.

Whatever.

Hello, how are you?

Do you speak English?

Yes, may I help you?

I want to bring a dog to my room.

What is your room number?

It's the 12, is it? 112?

112?

Uh-huh.

Hello.

You want to book a room?

I want to bring my dog there.

What?

I found a dog, and I'm going to bring him to the hotel room.

Okay, you want the address of the hotel?

No, I have a dog.

You know what a dog is?

Yes, dog.

You have a dog.

A pet?

I'm going to bring the dog to the room, and I'm going to wash him inside the room.

I'm going to wash him.

No, you cannot bring the dog in the room.

Oh, yeah, I can't, stupid.

I do what I want.

It's illegal.

I will kiss.

I'm going to kiss the dog and touch the dog on his face.

You cannot.

It's illegal.

You cannot.

You are not allowed to have a dog in the room.

I'm going to touch the dog in his face and his penis.

It is forbidden, everybody.

It's forbidden.

Hey.

Hello.

Well, they're like, why is there some weird American calling about bringing a dog into the hotel room?

Jesus.

Okay, awesome.

Let's continue here with the show machine.

Here is another hotel in Iran.

I haven't gotten an Iranian angry, like yelling or cursing in a long time.

I got kind of close with that guy about the sister earlier.

I haven't had a really good one in a while.

Calling the operator.

Oh, hey, honey.

How are you?

Beautiful.

How are you doing?

Beautiful.

Hello.

Hey.

I wanted to see about getting a room.

Hello.

Yes.

Can I bring the dog into my room?

Your room is which room?

What's the number of your room?

119.

119?

Yeah.

You reserve it, don't you?

Yeah, and I want you to come and look at my dog.

I have a dog.

You know what a dog is?

stupid in here is the hotel yes do you have any dog do yes i have i have a dog a small dog

okay but in here is forbidden no i i snuck him in my suitcase no no in here is the forbidden

oh do you have you can't bring this dog does do you have underwear huh do you have the underwear

on underwear on you can answer that carlos come on man i don't give a shit you know i

Iranian woman going to talk about her underwear?

Get out of here.

Even an American Iranian wouldn't say anything about underwear.

This show's a big pipe dream.

Hello, Chattanooga Mary.

Hi, how are you?

This is an Indian place?

Yes, it is an Indian place.

Are you Indian?

Yes.

Okay, and so you're going to know what I'm saying when I say these things.

I'd like one order of Papa Dom's.

You want a takeaway order made?

Uh-huh, that's right, honey baby.

One order of Papa Dom.

Just a moment, one moment.

One order of papadum.

Okay, papadum.

One, all right, then do you have any garlic lawn?

Yes, we do.

Big lawn.

Garlic lawn, is it?

A big lawn, yep.

Do you have tandoori chicken?

Yes, we do.

All right, one order of tandoori chicken, and one order of banjood.

What?

One order of banjood.

We don't have any female that's not here.

Okay, then what about one order of, let's see here, maturjood?

you ask yourself that question thank you do you have sister to make money oh come on man

i ask myself that question every morning do i have sister fuck no because i don't have sister

i have mother fuck no my mother died last year hello my honey how are you yeah i'm good thank

you you call again and i'll call the police shut up you woman i called again they calling the

monopolists okay man look listen guys i'm gonna call the next one here let's see well let me take

a quick gander here what we have all together oh yeah we got some turkish cuisine and some

pandan delight which i can only guess is panda panda bear food uh we also have the hasala art

instant indian restaurant and takeaway okay good all right guys hang on here's the next contested

on the madhouse live man i'm in a mood tonight it has been a good day literally i ate so much

today i ate a lot of food man hello hello good hey i went to a buffet breakfast buffet today

and then i had all a lot of bacon i had some scrambled eggs i had two pieces of ash brown

i had two pieces of english muffin like the bottom and the top and i put margarine on it and i had a

a little bowl of grits that I made with margarine and salt and pepper.

I had a little bit of kielbasa the second time I went out,

but more bacon, a lot of bacon, you know?

Sorry, what were you calling?

Oh, I had all that for breakfast, and then me and the wife,

we went to Red Lobster, and I had the New York steak, the sirloin.

This is at the restaurant.

Yeah, I had the sirloin steak, and I had a rock lobster tail,

and it came with mashed potatoes, and I got the roasted vegetable medley,

And then I got a garden salad also with raspberry vinaigrette.

It was really good.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

And then I just had some blueberries right now.

That's everything I had to eat today.

Okay.

Yeah.

So how can I help you?

I'd like to make an order, please, for one order of papadums.

Yes.

Okay.

One order of tandoori chicken.

Yes.

All right.

Do you have garlic naan?

Yep.

One order of garlic naan.

Okay.

One ban chood.

Okay.

One mater chood.

Okay.

Your face.

Say again?

Your face.

My face?

You come front of me with that beautiful face, those big lips of yours, and I'll kiss you.

Okay, where you coming from?

Your big stinky lips.

I kiss you and I'll make love to your mouth.

Your face.

I'm ordering his face now, guys.

Hello?

Hey, buddy.

Yeah, mate.

Hey, how are you?

I'm good.

I'm going to make an order for you, stupid.

And then you bring that nice beautiful face over here and I'll fuck you.

Yeah, I got your number on my screen.

If you call me again, then I'll ring the cops.

You don't have shit.

What I'm going to do is I'm going to go fuck you in the face.

Okay, no worries.

I'll call the cops and they'll serve you everything.

And then I'll serve your sister.

Oh, fuck her.

Oh, her sister.

Little, little chicken, that guy.

Hey, buddy, how are you?

Hello.

Yeah, I'll have to make an order, please.

What do you want, man?

One order of papadums.

Yep.

One hot water.

Yep.

One bunch hood.

Yep.

One, your face.

Your face.

Bring your face.

Over here.

If you call me next time, I'll call the police, buddy.

All right?

No, you shut up.

Don't call police, please.

I'm sorry.

No.

Please, no.

I'm sorry.

No, be friends.

Be friends.

Oh, boy.

Oh, man.

Okay.

Next.

More numbers.

Don't worry, guys.

We burnt that one out, but I have more.

Here is the Everest Spice Tandoori and Curry House.

here we go i'm excited about this one i don't think it's the same as the last one no it's not

uh i'm sorry hang on let me organize myself okay good that was the instant one we just did okay

here's the next one the one i just said here we go hey garbage man how are you hello yes hello

garbage i'd like to make an order yeah sure all right one order of papadums yeah one order of

Papadums?

Hey, one order of tandoori chicken.

Tandoori chicken and the papadums, yep.

One garlic naans.

Yep.

One toilet water.

One bhenchod.

Bhenchod.

Huh?

One bhenchod.

Hey, buddy.

Hello.

Hey, do you have sister there tonight?

Is your sister there tonight, little monkey?

You come front of me, asshole.

Shut up.

Come on.

you yellow shirt are you wearing a yellow shirt yeah you're wearing well yellow shirt you judy

judy uh-huh stupid who's speaking oh this is eddie how are you eddie uh-huh hey man eddie

yeah eddie no who's eddie that's me i'm eddie i don't know you you know me now yeah you don't

know me i know you now because i am eddie and i call you and i say these things you don't get mad

You get mad when I say the shit to you that your sister fucked, you know?

Mm-hmm.

You get mad when I say you were fucking the sisters?

Oh.

Huh?

Well.

Yeah.

I have a stupid idiot Indian guy here on the phone.

Who's speaking?

Oh, this is Eddie.

I want to make an order.

Oh, you want to make an order?

Uh-huh.

Yes.

All right, one order of papadums.

One serve papadum.

Uh, one pilau rice.

Yes.

Rice pilau, okay.

One chicken pilau.

Just give me a second.

Chicken plow.

Hello?

Chicken plow.

Hi?

Chicken plow.

Chicken plow?

Yes.

One serve of papadum, one chicken plow?

Uh-huh.

One bhenchod.

What?

One bhenchod.

Bhenchod?

Bhenchod.

Uh-huh.

Yes, sir.

One bhenchod.

What's that?

That's you.

You don't have...

You're a sister fucker, you know?

One bhenchod.

Who is it?

How about you?

No, not me.

How about you?

You're a sister fucker also.

I have no sister.

I have your sister.

You have got your mother?

I've got your mother.

So you can fuck your mother then?

No, no, fucking mother, no.

Don't say it.

Okay, you can fuck your mother.

Come on now, let's be friends.

Did you fuck your mother?

No.

Oh, no.

Be friends.

Okay.

Cool, man.

Be friends, guys.

Be friends.

Let's all be friends.

Let's try to call that guy back and see if we can salvage that and be friends here, guys.

Hello.

It's Bhenchod, right?

Who are you?

Oh, I'm Eddie.

How are you?

Why are you...

Are you sexy?

Why are you calling...

Are you sexy Indian girl?

Why are you calling her again and again?

I want food.

You know this is a business number?

I want food and I want a girl.

Girlfriend.

You don't talk like this.

This is a business number.

Oh, you want to be my friend?

You want to be friends with me?

Huh?

Buy you chicken?

Yeah?

Oh, you stupid?

Are you stupid?

No.

I think so.

You stupid woman, you know?

Because you're a woman, you're a stupid.

No.

The woman is always more stupid.

Put the man on the phone, you little monkey.

What?

Give me the man on the phone, you little monkey.

Fuck.

Okay, guys.

I was trying to get tired and burned out of the Banshee thing.

I always say that, but it's always, you know,

when they get angry, it's good.

Like that last guy, that same place that we just called back,

we didn't talk to him this time.

But when we talked to him before, he got really angry, you know,

and it was funny.

It was really funny.

Here's the next one.

Good afternoon, little girl. How are you, sweetie, baby?

Hello?

Yes, I went there, okay, and I had this food.

It was disgusting, you know?

My, sorry?

The food was disgusting.

Okay, can you describe your details and what's your order, what you had, when, like, what day?

I had a, I had a Papa Dom's, and it was too hot.

I had chicken tandoori, and it was too hot.

When did you have this?

I had it today, and here's the problem.

them i put it in the microwave and when they came out it was so hot and it was burning my mouth we

haven't served any tandoori chicken since morning well i got it yesterday but i had it in the

refrigerator we haven't served any tandoori chicken i have to in the office with me don't be stupid

okay i know what happened you stupid little monkey you understand i put it in the microwave and i

made it turned it on and it came to other than i sell tandoori chicken yes i had india

food yesterday from your place. Is it from Goma, India? I have Indian food. All right. And I had

it this today. I put it this morning in the microwave and I heated it up. And when it came

out, it was so hot that it burned my mouth. And I'm going to sue you unless you give me a free

meal. Okay. Have you got any receipt that you bought the food from here? Yeah, I do. And I

want you to understand, I ate the food the next day. Today, I bought it yesterday and I warmed

I warmed it up in the microwave today, and when it came out, it was so hot that I burned myself in the mouth.

Okay, when you said hot, is it spicy?

No, temperature.

Temperature is hot.

Yeah, you served it too hot.

It was so hot that even when I put it in the microwave today, it was still even more hot.

Okay, what I'll do is I'll just grab your phone number.

But I put it in the microwave.

I put it in my microwave, and it came out too hot, and it's your fault.

Yeah, well, that's fine.

I'll just grab your name, your phone number, your address,

and today evening I'll send you a complimentary service.

Grab your penis and your testicles.

Why don't you do that?

Yeah, please give me your phone number.

Grab your penis.

No, you want to give your phone number so that we can send you a free service?

Yeah, it's 164-Vagina-Eastville.

This is the third time you...

One sec.

This is the third time you're calling us this morning.

It's two.

And I'm going to report to...

Report your call again.

No.

If you call back, I'm going to report you, okay?

Do you know how to spell vagina?

Yeah.

And then...

And then I'm going to smash your penis.

Okay?

No.

Do you want to...

And your bloody vagina.

You shut your mouth.

Okay?

You monkey.

And disconnect the phone.

You're a monkey.

Bloody idiot.

Monkey.

Use less follow.

So you have heated the tandoori chicken in the oven.

and you say the mouth is burning

with the temperature.

Do you have any common sense or are you drunk

or still you have the hangover?

What kind of nonsense things are you talking over the phone?

And this is a business number

and we don't have so much time to take all your crap.

Okay, please don't call us back.

You made the food.

You make it too hot.

In case you're calling back, we'll have to report you.

You make it too hot, you monkey.

Well, I don't understand what I was talking about.

Shit.

I have no common sense.

Talking lunch.

Come on, India.

How can I help you?

Oh, yeah.

So you made the food so hot that when I put it in the microwave, it was still hot the next day.

Do you have any sense of what you're talking?

I do.

Yeah, I do.

It was fair.

What do you mean the food is so hot?

Do you think the food will be hot if you leave it outside for one year?

Well, that's how bad you are.

What kind of person?

That's how disgusting.

One thing.

What kind of person are you?

If you have any queries or any complaints, I'm the right person for you to speak with.

And you can just give me your phone number, your address and your name so that I'll send you a complimentary serve of tandoori chicken.

If there is anything wrong with the chicken you have had, okay, don't make any bullshit things and, you know, disturb the business.

If you do this again, I'll have to report your phone call because this is a business and you're troubling the business.

And we can track all your phone numbers.

You're a banshoot.

Yeah, we know who is talking now.

Now, well, okay, tell that Bahanchot, tell that Bahanchot who told you to give a call, okay?

Yeah, monkey.

Fucking shut his mouth, otherwise he'll get his ass bones broken, okay?

Tell that Bahanchot that I'll break his bones, okay?

You're a mother chot, also.

Yeah, I am your friend Bahanchot's mother chot, okay?

Tell him that.

Okay, asshole.

Eh, it's not going to Bahanchot there at the end, that was pretty funny.

He said the call again.

man let's continue on with the show yay all in us all right table tennis kelly speaking

hey big kelly how are you good thank you good do you have a lot of asian people that go in there

to buy these table tennis things pardon there are a lot of asian people that come in no do you have

any yellows any yellow people no it's just white people uh yeah a few different variations like

do you have table tennis shoes yes and they really make the shoes just for table tennis

thank you and what do they have inside them springs or air conditioning no i don't think so

oh yeah do you have do you sell the table do you sell the stupid table yes all right and how many

how big is the table how many people could you lay down on the table like four people right

yeah can you shut those stupid babies up can you shut your stupid children down to make them shut

fucking table tennis

where do you come up with those man

how do you end up

in some table tennis store in Australia

I love you man you're awesome

you always got some stuff go up your sleeve

there buddy alright here's a super

dingo

a super dingo

but before that let's check back in with our

Don Quixote on what was it

called

let's call Cajaca again

I wonder if I can get back into a Cajaca

Kahaka dance.

Like the last time I called, I got about a good eight kahakas in on her the whole time.

Kahaka time.

Aloha.

Thank you for calling Don Quixote.

Kahaka.

We are located at 801 Kahaka Street, back of the Pan Am building.

Kahaka.

We're open 24 hours a day, and if you know your party's extension...

One moment, please.

Thank you for calling Don Quixote.

Hmm, Kahaka?

Yes.

Is this Kahaka Street?

Yes.

Kahaka.

Yes.

Can I help you, sir?

Yeah.

801 Kahaka.

Yes, sir.

Can I help you?

Can you say Cahucka, please?

Come on.

Stupid.

Cahucka.

Oh, no answer there.

Baz, Cahucka.

Cahucka.

All right, good.

That's the word of the show.

What the hell does that mean?

I don't know, man.

It's just Cahucka.

Sounds sexy.

It's the name of the street over there, Cahucka Street.

All right.

Let's keep going with some more prank calls.

I hope you're doing well, Baz.

I am.

I'm drinking some sipping tequila.

I'm sipping it straight.

How can you sip tequila?

That's nasty.

It's good. It's a bottle my wife

brought back for me from Mexico

City. It's some premium shit.

On the toilet.

Herodora. Have you ever heard of it?

Yes. It means safe.

I must be safe then. It means key.

It means like a lock.

That's what it means. You're on lock.

I'm going to unlock myself. She's locking you

down. She knows you've been talking to that

girl at work and she's like, oh.

Holy shit.

Yeah, she knows.

You tell that bancho that told you to make

I could call you to shut his fucking mouth.

Those Indian guys are funny.

I tried to do YouTube videos down also.

He told you not, don't make bullshit things.

Don't make bullshit things, yeah.

He said a bunch of wacky stuff there.

That was funny.

Funny guy.

Maybe we'll try to call him back in a little bit.

There's a lot of people in the chat also reminded you to call the Freezer Man back.

Oh, Jim, man.

Yeah.

All right.

Let's see if I get that number.

Hey, what's going on?

Hi.

Hey, Enigma.

Look for the number.

How many handies do you think Milkman's giving out trying to get backstage passes?

Trying to get mushrooms.

Meet me by the speaker, baby.

I'll give you a handy.

I'll suck your dick.

I think Milkman's going to get some tonight.

Oh, yeah, man.

Well, last time he called me, he was on the show.

I think it was an ACDC concert or something.

Oh, I remember that.

he said he smoked a joint and then he said he's like i think they put something in it

and then some other guy gave him i shouldn't be talking i'm gonna get in trouble he told me that

he took shrooms some guy he met some dude and the guy had a bag full of shrooms and he gave

him some and he started tripping i was like man that would have been awesome for you to call

the show hear him tripping at an acdc concert wow shrooms i've never done shrooms i'm scared

It's scary, man, because I like to eat, and I eat a lot of them.

Just eat a few.

You'll be fine.

They taste like shit, though, right?

They do.

Oh, man.

I mean, they grow in shit, basically.

Can you eat them in a peanut butter sandwich?

Sure, you can put them in anything.

Hello?

Hey, how are you?

Pretty good.

Do you have a freezer for sale?

Well, we don't know, sir, because...

What happened?

Well, we don't know if it works or not.

If you want to call me back tomorrow, we've got a man coming out to check it.

If it works, we'll remove it down here.

Shit, man.

We don't know.

that's crazy shit because you put it in there to sell and then this stupid thing doesn't work

what's wrong with you you're stupid you know that

no it's not working that's a big drama about the freezer freezer drama over there in his household

all right we gotta call someone go fix the whole family's a buzz about it guys

freezer broke i want to ask him where that goddamn freezer is hello yes hi i'm sorry about the man

Man, being so mad about the way I talk is I do some drinking

and then I really need a freezer because I'm going hunting.

I'm sorry.

Don't be mad.

Okay.

I worked on the freezer myself, and it doesn't work.

It doesn't work.

I thought it did when he patted it off of this other person.

Nobody checked it out.

I checked it out, and it won't even freeze water.

Yeah, it's crazy.

That's all right.

All right, well, you know, he left me a very mean and nasty voice message on the phone.

I wanted to play it for you.

Listen.

You got a police officer, Phil?

I'm not telling you the truth.

I checked it out.

Stop it.

He pointed it out for someone else.

It doesn't work.

Listen, listen, listen, listen.

You know you're talking to an asshole.

That's what he said.

Copsucker.

You see that?

Motherfucker.

You see what he said on my answering machine?

He said nasty, mean, nasty things.

I don't understand.

You know how to accuse him.

He's, uh, he's out of his meds right now.

I'm taking care of him.

Well, he's, he's...

I'm so sorry.

Oh, my God.

Is he...

You can imagine what I go through.

Can I talk to him?

Uh, no, I wouldn't.

I really wouldn't.

I mean, it's just...

Oh.

It's un-coupled.

I'm going to have to, uh, have his meds.

I'm going to have his medicine changed, seriously.

Yeah.

Maybe you should give him insulin, right?

Is he on insulin?

Um...

Do you think he's diabetic and he gets high blood sugar

and he gets angry like that, maybe.

That might be what it is, you know?

Right.

That's what happened to my dad.

He used to get a high blood sugar.

He didn't know he was diabetic, and he would get like that.

He would sound like that.

Yeah.

Your husband's sick.

He's sick in the head.

He's sick.

He's a pervert, probably, you know?

He has sexual thoughts and everything.

Pardon?

He has sexual thoughts and everything.

My apologies.

Thank you for calling.

All right, bye.

Good night.

Good night, honey.

bye well that was very weird is going on in the background god dude is tripping out in the

background i don't know what the fuck that was about i don't know who to take seriously him or

her is he really off his meds just sounds like that or are they both in on the joke there is uh

one guy i sent you a request to prank about his name's abe and uh he seems kind of rapey he wants

a good looking woman to share his one bedroom apartment for her fifty dollars a month oh

Ooh, $50 a month, that's good.

She doesn't have to worry about the rent.

It's very cheap.

I'm like, somebody's getting fucking raped.

Yeah, shut up.

Shut up, Nunu.

We don't want to call the UK right now, all right?

We'll call them when we're ready to the UK.

Until then, you shut up.

Yeah, and when I talk to them, I'm just going to say,

hey, you know what?

I just woke up to go take a shit, so I think you need to get the fuck up.

Yeah, what?

Hey, you stupid.

Yeah, all right, look.

So that was a request to prank.

You said you sent that, right?

Yeah.

Okay, good.

His name's Abe.

then i'll go in there and look for it you know yeah no no we're still mad about 1812

1812 plus he called us all fat all americans are fat and uh i had to point out to him if we're all

fat and we can still beat the shit out of anyone in the uk what does that say about them they're

scrawny and stupid senior coffee guys senior coffee all right so uh request a prank that's

That's what I was doing here.

By the way, I'm getting a message from Dirty Aaron.

He said that he's maxing his bandwidth out with Netflix, Carlito, and Black Ops,

so he probably won't call in.

Go hunko.

All right.

And he's resting his nuts.

Oh, his pee-pee still hurts from getting a vasectomy?

Probably.

Forget that.

Yeah, that'd be the day I'd ever get that.

Fuck that shit.

You should have told her to get her shit taken care of.

Yeah.

Because you could still, you know, mate with a younger woman than you.

Danny, you may not be with her forever.

you may need to knock someone else up yeah you never know man all right so is this sean aka snap

is that who it is or uh he's another one that he called too he's fucked up he's got his dog

morpheus that he wants you to move in with i'm looking for i'm looking for the $50 one here we

go but yeah here we go a little creepy all right you already explained it to everybody no need to

go into it again here hey how are you this is abe yeah oh hey i wanted to see about this room for

for $50. I wanted to see about

$50 for a room.

Yeah, okay. Okay, now tell me,

how many curtains? Do you have curtains

inside the room, or no?

Well, why for a woman? Are you a man

or a woman?

Why, for sex?

You want to have sex with her?

Oh, yeah, what do you want to do to her,

huh? Do you want to look at her underwear

and smell it? None of my business.

That's definitely what you fucking

wanted.

That's none of your fucking business, okay?

Tell them that you're trying to find a place

for your grandma to live.

For your sister.

You have reached the Sprint Voice mailbox of

a...

That's none of your business.

That sounded pretty creepy.

You have a sex dungeon downstairs.

None of your fucking business.

The dungeon.

There's a dirty roll-up mattress

back there.

Black and white TV.

It's got a mattress. It's all piss stained and stuff.

It's all brown stained.

all right did you hear about the horrific shit that baz went through last night

at the mcdonald's in guam no what happened what was it guam or hawaii it was white it was guam

oh guam okay he uh went into the bathroom apparently to wipe and it was one ply so uh

he had a blowout he stuck his finger in his ass yeah i was i was on for that i think right

we had we demanded that the uh mcdonald's pay for his therapy because now he's a homosexual

actual and he has to deal with it i had one or two calls last night too right what did i do last

night yeah i i've left uh i was supposed to go to the fucking hospital pick up my dad but they

decided to keep him so i was like i gotta go guys oh man i'm glad your dad pulled through the did

he have a single bypass or what do you have uh double bypass double bypass yeah see uh he's a

diabetic so like his fucking sugars are off the charts so that's why they didn't let him go

nothing to do with his surgery or anything like that so see on his feet now yeah uh actually day

of the surgery they had him walking around the hospital and shit yeah i hear that i hear most

patients feel so much better after a bypass it's like uh it's they just feel like 20 years younger

yeah he's uh he'd be doing a lot better but yeah cool good for you all right hey anthony demands

man's across come share his studio apartment what who the hell's anthony ken oh he's just a guy that

has let's all just throw some random shit in there so what the hell is he demanding did you get a new

mic uh carlito uh yeah no i got a new swing arm for it you sound a lot like clearer yeah i got

a new i mean you were always clear but you you know you sound a lot yeah louder and clear i tweaked

with the settings and with the swing arm i can get it right in my face like i want it i'm more

comfortable for sure and i got a new i got a new webcam and the video should be feed well it's it's

actually blacked out blanked out i can turn it back on it's supposed to be is it working is it

cycling from one to the other yeah yeah yeah that's really really clear too yeah very very

high quality good yeah the only thing is you'll notice between the video and the stream the video

now where it used to be ahead of the stream now it's reversed it's behind now yeah the video is

It's now behind the screen.

Oh, shit.

What kind of camera is that?

It's a Logitech something or other.

I forgot what it is that I got.

It's the one that's on me right now if you're looking live.

I think you need to re-kick YouTube, don't you?

Just from what I'm looking at, it says we'll be right back.

Does it really?

Yeah, it's there.

Oh, that's something else.

I don't know why.

It's been like that for like 20 minutes now, I think.

Uh-huh.

All right, let me redo it then.

I think the NSA is probably blocking it right now.

Yeah, probably.

There were some other assholes I sent numbers in for.

It's just so fucking mind-boggling.

Like, we have a two-bedroom apartment, but I'm sharing it with another bitch.

But we're going to rent you our futon in the living room for fucking $500 a month.

What the hell? $500 for a futon?

It was something pretty close to that.

They're like, yeah, we'll rent you the futon in the living room.

But then they go on to say, but it's a common space.

So in the morning, fold the fucking futon up so everyone can enjoy the common space.

space god damn there was one during the weeks where you were uh you were away that uh there

was someone renting the hallway in their apartment like seriously they had like a fold-up sleeping

bag you got to sleep in the hallway in the sleeping bag and it was like 300 a month are

people just desperate for housing that they're at that point now well the rule was too that at a

certain time you had to have your ass up and out of the apartment you only got to be there at night

That was it.

Wow.

Well, it might be a good option for Michelle if she loses her place.

She's barely, I gotta imagine she's barely hanging on to where she lives, right?

Well, she's got a new roommate.

She's got Robert there.

I haven't heard any of those Robert calls.

They sound pretty funny, the way you described them last night.

Well, we called once, and she put on Twitter that she had pizza for dinner.

So we called and told her we were with the pizza, and she's like,

why are you talking to me?

I didn't even order the pizza, and apparently Robert had.

and uh robert's got the music fucking going in the background she's like robert turn the music

down he's like i'm not fucking turning the music down and he's being an asshole in the background

oh shit and uh it was it was good stuff wow it's kind of angry i'm trying to fix the camera again

give me a second you guys can shoot the shit if you want shit shit i still like a call that

carlito did uh a couple weeks back when he called some random asshole and uh his roommate was in

in the background yelling at him give me back my phone and the guy on the phone's yelling back at

him i ain't giving you any more goddamn money they were fucking going back and forth a fucking phone

that i don't remember that sounds funny though all right it was uh apparently the guy on the

phone to be giving the other guy money and he was out buying booze or something so he was all

fucking drunk he's like give me my fucking phone back i ain't giving you any more goddamn money

I like your goddamn bass salts one.

That one's really funny.

Good times, man.

Those goddamn bass salts, man.

It's like, goddamn you and your goddamn bass salts.

Goddamn it.

So, what did I do last night?

I know I had one good one and one that I kept saying I didn't think was good.

I was really unambient last night.

I don't remember much.

Did I embarrass myself at all again on the airing show?

No, not at all.

I'm trying to remember what your context of your calls were, but I was a little fucked up.

it was fun

that was a fun show last night

I remember both your calls were good

they were funny

is that the first time you've pranked on

Aaron's show?

I don't know

I know it was on once and I got really drunk

I drank a lot of wine

that's the drunk Carlos show

that's the first episode of the podcast

of his

Aaron said

it was either yesterday

yesterday or today he was going to be editing that uh uh that one call where he was about to

get that pizza delivery guy's ass beat uh when he was supposed to deliver it to him and he was like

you know when i'm gonna bring you the pizza but you answer in your robe and maybe i can

come in and share the pizza with you and he's like don't fucking bring the pizza to my door

i don't want it i'll fucking beat your ass

he's like we'll leave it at that i'm like dude you're gonna get the fucking pizza guy's ass

Maybe I'll call back in a little bit.

Yeah, I'll smooth it over in a little bit.

Shit.

I got the invite to the Dropbox, though,

so I can download that.

Yeah.

I've got the Skype recording

from last night,

and I can send you your calls if you want.

I'll put it in the Dropbox folder.

If you put it in, I can grab it right now, actually.

Yeah.

I don't have it handy.

It's on a drive that's upstairs.

I'll do it.

i'll do it no don't worry about it don't worry about it i'll just do it before later i go to

bed tonight yeah yeah all right in your spare time carlito i just posted a youtube clip in the chat

that should be the new background video for carding calls right there in the chat in the

spy in the skype chat in a skype i'll send it to uh your regular one outside of the call

so you have it yeah do that so i don't lose it later uh let me all right let me play that real

real quick

That's some funny shit.

Loading.

I'll probably get an ad.

Every other fucking video I watch on there is an ad.

to anyone. Yeah, that's changed.

She used to not be so prevalent.

Am I the only one that's getting ads in

Spanish? Are you guys getting, like, T-Mobile ads

in Spanish and shit like that?

Yeah, I have. I've been doing

that, and then different websites,

like Yahoo and shit, I've been visiting, and it's like

in Spanish. I'm like, what the fuck is

going on? Yeah, I didn't know.

That freaked me out. I thought they were,

you know, seeing my traffic to the point where they knew

it was Hispanic or something.

You guys don't run Adblock?

Nah, fuck it.

it yeah i don't have anything uh yeah i've got it running i'm not getting anything either

i like for the one i like ads ads are fun all right here listen better be good excuse me i know

you didn't think anyone would catch you but you just slammed your door into my car the least you

can do is say you're sorry lady don't have to take that tone it's not like i'm hurting your

resale value oh i'm sorry see like that why is she doing that she's crazy girls women are crazy

What movie is this from?

Malcolm in the Middle.

God damn it.

I never liked that show.

I just thought it was that

that kid was always an asshole

with his parents.

I was like, fuck that kid.

If he was my kid,

I'd beat his ass with a belt.

Yeah, I didn't care

for that show either.

I break my hand,

I get a cast on my hand,

and I beat him with my hand

with a cast on it.

They have a whole

fucking demolition derby

right in the parking lot

and shit.

Hey, Milkman's on.

Don't make any gay jokes

to his mat.

I'm on my little chicken.

Milkman!

Hey!

Milkman!

Go, go!

Jay Battle with you to the concert?

He stole his phone.

He's in the bathroom with his phone.

Look, man.

That's what fucking happened last time.

Jay Battle took his shit.

He's not talking.

Did he call for no reason?

He can't hear is what it is.

He may be in the middle of a handy and he didn't realize he butt dialed you.

You're circle jerking.

Circle jerking.

So what's with the messages you keep sending me asking if I spell my socks and I take them off?

That's just random stupid shit I think of.

I've got it twice now.

out i'm like is he fucking high or what's going on i keep asking uh ken if he smells his socks

when he takes them off that's just the bath salts talking there's nothing wrong with smelling your

socks checker you gotta check them see if you got anything i smell like if they're laying on the

floor i check them i'm like no those aren't accepted whatever you smell your socks you know

you i know you look at everybody does everyone does that come on ken don't act like you don't

do that i fond of my socks the only thing i i smell is when i'm sitting there rolling down

on the street with a fucking can of gold to spray paint

just... You like the smell of gasoline?

How the... It smells good. Hello?

The gasoline smells good. You what?

Yeah, this is David Griffin. Yeah?

You know that smell of petrol? It smells

good. I like it. I smell it. Do you like it?

Huh? Do you like it? It smells...

No, do you like it? Do you like the smell of the petrol?

I enjoy the smell

of his wife's snatch better.

Petrol. That's what they call it there

in the United Kingdom.

Wacky bastards. I'm so smart. I knew that one.

Aw.

he is better than most though he knows how to hang a phone up yeah things that are nice and quick

most of them struggle with that you're fucking like 15 seconds

yeah i love it when they take a long time to hang up it's always fun

it's hearing it all right here we go here's another random uk person this is david dale

let me do this one also and you guys can jump in you know what i want to make you know those

Those biscuits you make in that tube of dough.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, man.

Frosting.

Pillsbury.

Yeah, that's something like some of those biscuits right now, man.

Put some real butter on it, yeah.

McMeanors in a blanket.

Unsalted butter.

I got some of those in the fridge.

I also got, like, packets of Bob Evans biscuits or gravy, sausage, and stuff like that.

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

You can leave a message for different people.

Yeah.

Especially when I go to Walmart and rip them off in price match.

I'm like, yeah, I saw those Bob Evans things for a buck.

I saw the Pillsbury shit for about 50 cents.

They do that?

Yeah, they price match it.

They're like, okay, no problem.

That'd even check.

That's awesome.

You don't have to bring an ad in or nothing.

You just fucking tell them.

Just make up your own prices.

I'd make up everything.

Like, we'll just sit there.

It has to be an advertised ad.

So, like, all month I'll be checking people's ads online.

I'm like, okay, that's a good price.

We'll write that down.

Yeah, it saves you some trips.

Shit, do it.

Those fucking Bob Evans things usually go for, like, $3.50.

I'm like, yeah, a dollar.

And they're like, okay, no problem.

Nice.

Going in there with three-year-old ads.

I just make my own fucking prices up.

I'm like, I'll take that at this price.

I'm like, this is a fair price.

It's like you're in a Turkish market or something, man.

You know, Walmart's got to do that.

If you ring something up and tell them a price.

Really?

Yeah.

I had a friend at work there, and they said they can't haggle the customer as long as it's under, like, $50.

I give them fucking coupons that don't even match the shit I bought, too.

I'll buy Bar-Ass hot dogs, and I'll have a coupon for like 75 cents off,

and it says, like, beef franks.

But I buy the cheapest ones that are 75 cents, so I get them free.

I'm like, here, scan this shit.

They're like, okay.

Wow, you're broke, huh?

Yeah, I just don't like spending fucking money, is the thing.

Hey, I got an idea for some UK calls.

I was just seeing on the news here that the Kate Middleton's due date's approaching.

So a lot of Brits are engaged in trying to speculate on what the royal baby might be.

And there's bookmakers actually ticking the rods on it.

Wow, that's going to be a tough one to hit.

Welcome to voicemail. The person you have called is unavailable.

Please leave a message after the...

Are we a bookie?

Yeah, sure.

I'm calling with leads.

i used to get calls from this uh italian sounding guy on a recording new york italian and it was

him like talking really loud on his speakerphone he was like we got all the odds the best picks

for this week's nfl games you know giants versus blah blah we know who's gonna win we'll tell you

like you know what i mean yeah i never understood that i remember back in the 90s you'd see an

infomercial and there was this guy it was like i'm the master at picking i never failed you know

they made a movie about that really did they it's called it's called two for the money it's got

matthew mcconaughey in it and uh al pacino okay and it's actually it's actually a pretty good

movie uh he went from where he couldn't miss to where nowadays people actually pick against him

because he can't pick a fucking winner nice and my brother was telling me about it and i watched

it on tv it was pretty good movie wow well wait a minute so it's like a based on a real story

thing movie or yeah it's actually based on the guy you're talking about really that guy okay

Okay, cool. Now I'm going to look into that.

Who was in it? Pacino, you said?

Yeah, Pacino and Matthew McConaughey.

McConaughey plays the guy in the infomercial you're talking about.

Okay.

And Pacino is the guy that basically runs the place he works for.

Yeah. Wow.

It's pretty good, but you've got to get the older one

because they just did a remake of something with close to the same name.

Wow. Okay.

Cool. Good to know.

I'll have to look into that at some point.

Yeah.

i'm looking for uk numbers here in the list okay here's a firm in uk called william hill

it's the uh uk's top betting site since they were representative from bookmaker from william hill

okay where where is it well you want the website yeah send me the website

thank you okay william hill okay i'll check that out look at the horse racing and everything i've

been wow they do well the horsies okay um you know i don't have any uk numbers i don't have

any uk numbers here left here's one that just came off anybody want to call david hargraves

baz mr oswell anybody hargraves sure oh my god it's installing spyware this website

this is hargraves uh hargraves hargraves g-r-e-a-v-e-s okay i'll paste in the chat

after I pop the number here.

Hello, Mr. Hargreaves.

Yeah.

Yeah, hey, my name is David Snoddswell.

How are you doing this morning?

I'm having a good time in the morning, sir.

Well, I'm a bookmaker for William Hill.

Have you heard of our firm before?

Oh, I don't know, Walt.

Try him again.

I think he might answer again.

I was going to...

Welcome to voicemail.

The person you have called is unavailable.

I was going to connect Zyklon, who was calling in,

but his avatar is snakes,

and I'm scared of snakes right now.

I don't want to see snakes.

Jose keeps messaging me.

He says he's trying to call in.

Yeah, I don't know.

Zyklon, you've got to change your avatar because I don't like looking at snakes and shit.

It scares me.

It makes me nervous and scared.

By the way, that Snakes on a Plane movie was fucking stupid.

Sounds like it was stupid.

Hey, Milkman, what's up?

Hey, what are you doing?

What's going on?

What's going on now?

Oh, how was Leonard Skinner?

Did they do good?

I mean, they just went off in bad company.

Did they do Simple Man?

Oh, shit, yeah, he did.

yeah i'll let you hear it later did they do they do brick in the wall they do brick in the wall

what about pac-man fever what about pac-man fever and freebird do they play all that

oh all right call me when you're done bye bye what oh i had you connected but nothing was coming in

man try it again bye try it again he's having a good old time there the devil the devil music

music uh concert you know the jesus sucks concert good for him i sent you that link to the money to

your personal skype personal skype account thank you and you said jose all right i'll connect jose

josie i think i'm ending the show what the fuck is that he's got in his hand it's a little baby

mouse jose yeah guys hold up i need to connect my mic and everything oh my god okay he's got a mic

now that's good very good all right everyone will hold on i'm gonna ask him what's in his

his little picture there looks like a little hamster i think nobody ever asked what's in my

picture well we know two dirty horses uh does anybody want this david miller anybody anybody

please i'll talk to him i guess david miller it's in the skype chat for your information

uk here you go bye good miller there please speaking how are you this morning tired tired

son's coming up why aren't you out of bed i'm one of your wife's friends oh yeah why isn't she on

on the phone why are you picking up why are you ringing me up at five in the morning because i

need to talk to her yeah yeah i'm her special friend she's my little chicken yeah okay i'm

gonna pet her like a little chicken you want to watch david david chicken sex man i i want i want

to ask you a question how does my dick taste because my dick was just in your wife's mouth

and i'm not sure when she came home she kissed you i hadn't showered for a day had ball butter

Mmm, a little dick cheese.

Ball motor.

So hot.

Jizzum.

David Morley.

We got two numbers left here.

Also, don't say that anymore as I'm calling it a show.

I'm a tired cat.

You know what I'm saying?

We got two numbers here.

If you want them, you can take a baz.

You want another one?

Yeah, sure.

Why not?

All right.

Jose, you want one too?

You can get one here.

Hey, I want that David Pilkington.

That's good.

Pilkington.

Okay.

Is that the last one?

Yes.

Yeah.

By the way, it's my little hamster.

What's his name?

Cholo?

Speedy.

Is that other asshole still hanging on, or you just put the phone on?

Eh, let him listen.

Hello, Mr. Pilkington.

Yes?

Yes, my name is David Snozzwell.

How are you doing this morning?

Well, we can go up as five.

Do you know that?

Yes, I do.

I'm calling from Chicago, Illinois, so it's still early here.

Oh, yeah.

I'm a representative of Ricky Gervais.

Are you familiar with Mr. Gervais?

Ricky Gervais?

Yeah, Ricky Gervais.

Oh, yes, yeah.

Yeah, well, it seems that he had a falling out with his sidekick, Carl Pilkington.

Are you familiar with Carl Pilkington?

He's not close.

Yeah, he had a falling out with him,

and we're casting a replacement for the new season of An Idiot Abroad.

You sound like a right pillock.

Oh, no, not at all.

Would you be interested in it?

No, thanks.

Hey, we'll send you to lots of exotic places.

There you go.

There's like a weird effect going on on audio here.

Have you ever seen that show, An Idiot Abroad?

Never seen it.

I'm guessing Ricky Gervais is in it.

No, his sidekick, Carl Pilkington, is kind of like a Homer Simpson type.

And they send him to all these horrible places overseas and set him up for all kinds of funny shit.

I'm sure all the UK listeners in the chat room know what I'm talking about.

I'm sure.

There's a lot of UK shows that I've heard a lot of recommendations about through doing the Madhouse show.

And I've never gotten to them.

I really would like to.

Like Doctor Who and all that shit.

The new Doctor Who and all that.

It's on my list of things to do.

I found a bunch of numbers, you know, the Swap Shop stuff.

If any of you want to do them, I just popped them in there in the chat also.

Did you by any chance hear about the new show that's coming to NBC?

Giada is the one behind it.

No.

It's called Racist.

Racist.

Is that a game show?

It's a game show.

The game show?

Louie Anderson is going to be the host.

Yeah, yeah.

I heard the evil one, the one evil versus good.

That was pretty good.

Hello?

Hi, how are you, honey?

How are you doing?

What is it?

Oh, this is Eddie.

I'm calling from the service.

What service?

The Royal Water Machine Service.

We want to confirm if your toilet is working or not, please.

Hello?

Yes, I'm calling from the Royal Water Machine Services.

We're calling to confirm there's a problem in the water system.

Where's that?

There's a leak been detected coming from your home.

We wanted to confirm if you could find out is your toilet flushing right now

and if the water is clear.

Hello?

Are you there?

Hello?

I haven't done one of those in a while, right?

Oh, my God.

Hang up the fucking phone.

That's what Kim was talking about just a second ago.

Hey, don't hang up, asshole.

No.

Don't hang up like that.

Come on.

We need to check to see if your toilet's flushing and if the water's clear.

You got a wrong number?

No.

Yeah.

This is old coach Moe Bathmill.

Old coach, yeah.

David Morley.

Yeah?

Yes.

We have the right location.

Okay.

I'm sure it's flushing, okay.

Oh, we need you to check the toilet, please, and flush it and see if the water comes through clear or if it's brown.

And let us know if there's an order of eggs, like a sulfur order, please.

Are you there? Don't just sit there. Come on, please. At least tell me what you're thinking.

What's on your mind, honey? What's fine?

You didn't flush it. You didn't flush it. I didn't hear it flush.

Come on!

I order you to cooperate. This is Eddie. I'm with the Royal Water Machines.

And I order you at once, on the Royal Order, to flush your toilet

it and tell me the color that the water comes

through, please. Look, you don't tell me what it is.

I order you. I command you.

Alright, I'm going to report you. No.

Alright.

Fun. Ho, ho, ho. Okay.

Here's the next

swap shop. I haven't even

read these. Let's see. I have some name

brand clothes. Nine pieces in

all. I will sell all of them for

$15. No stains on them.

If interested, please call me.

Alright. Anybody want that?

No stains? No stains.

That's disappointing.

Nine pieces of new name, well, used name brand clothes.

I wonder what the name brand is.

Ask her if it's from Macy's or...

I'll talk to her.

It's Joe Boxer.

Joe Boxer.

That's the name?

That's the name brand, Joe Boxer.

It's a Kmart brand.

Martha Stewart Essentials.

Can't get to the phone right now.

Leave your name and number.

We'll get right back to you.

Fuck.

I'll try them again.

It's in the Skype chat there, young man.

It's Mary, Big Mary.

Oh, it's one pair of Aeropostale.

Or pant.

I don't like it when people say pant.

I hate that.

You know, it's really weird, you know, we say pants in plural, but it's only one.

And one, you know, pair of pants.

A pair, but it's only one.

Why do you say one pair of pants if it's one pant, if it's one thing?

You know, it's not two of them.

Is it because of the legs?

That's the only reason I thought.

Yeah, maybe each leg is a pant.

A pant leg, maybe.

So when you say a pair of pants, that means you have a pair of leg coverings.

Yeah, what if I lost a leg?

Yeah.

So does everyone wear just a pant?

That would be awesome.

A pant.

Yeah, a pant, I guess, would be like, you know, it would be like a pair of jeans,

but, like, right at the hip, you would cut it out.

So the leg, you know, from the hip down would show.

That's pretty cool.

I like kind of wearing that.

That should be a style.

Pant.

The pant.

Cool.

Think about it.

All right, here's a 2009 Craftsman Professional Riding Lawn Mower.

24 horsepower, 42-inch cut machine.

Runs and mows great.

Great.

All right, I'm going to call this guy a lazy guy because he doesn't have the pushing kind.

Ask if you can drive it to work.

There you go.

Ask if you can drink while you're using it, which you can't.

As far as I know, you can't drink.

I've heard of people getting busted for that.

That's ridiculous.

Try doing that in Texas.

You get shot.

Even if you're a cop, try to get someone arrested for drinking a beer while they're mowing their lawn.

The king of the hill.

I don't think they care if you're on your lawn, but if you're on the street driving.

Was it an open container?

can you have it oh yeah it's america right whoa john jones okay hey guess what guys i'm done i'm

now i'm gonna do more show see you later you guys are out of here on your ass bye see you later

good show man yeah whatever bye see you later baz all right take it yeah take you to ken yeah

we're gonna we gotta get ready for the fantasy football league i gotta start looking in and

setting that up all right i know i think baz said he wanted to get in on that yay okay son of a

bitch all right ken's out of here and then jose jose what hey man the microphone sounds good you

got a nice microphone now huh wait what you have a nice microphone pendejo thank you good good for

you did you want to do a show still or what's going on yes i need to like get some software

what i need i need some software to like broadcast okay you need software to broadcast

shoutcasts all right you need sony broadcast pro all right all right is that for free no how much

is that it's like a hundred dollars okay that's fine we'll figure it out all right no i'm kidding

i'll help you out we'll we'll figure it out we'll get you with the shoutcast man shoutcast yeah

look okay go google shoutcast google shoutcast all right all right and then i'll send you a

torrent for shoutcast for dummies the book ebook and you listen you can listen to it all right

I'll download it to my phone, though.

You have an iPod?

No, I have a...

Give me my phone.

What do you have?

I have an Android.

Android phone?

Good.

You can open it up and listen to it there.

It tells you all about Shoutcast.

All right.

It even has pictures on it.

You can listen to them.

All right.

Okay.

See you later.

Bye.

That's Jose, everybody.

Jose, the owner of a Mexican hamster named Speedy.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, thanks, everyone, for listening to Madhouse Radio tonight.

I sure had a great night, and I hope you did, too.

we'll be back next week next sunday night i believe i might have to work that night i don't

know you know what guys i don't know when we're gonna be back i think i might be working next

week and holy shit i'll update you guys somehow during a week someone will be on sunday i'm sure

i'm sure if i'm not on that sloth guy and ice goose those guys they hold it down thursdays and

saturdays and sundays be sure to patronize them here at madhouse live.com god damn it also be

Be sure to check out Dirty Aaron Saturday nights about once a month.

He was on last week.

He may not be on next week.

Be sure to peep in Saturday nights at 10 p.m. Pacific.

I believe he goes on or 9 p.m. Pacific.

One of the two.

He does a good job.

Did a good job last night.

Always does a good job.

And check out his website over at BrentWestwood.com.

Big Roy, of course, helping us out.

Oh, and that reminds me.

Oh, shit.

I don't have the list in front of me.

I got this list.

uh rbcp has been helping out with a donation drive i almost don't want to talk about it

because then people start donating more money but we met the target already we uh brad was

taking care of uh people anybody wanted to donate funds to the madhouse network to pay for help pay

for shoutcast hosting and for the irc hosting and uh we met the target we're well covered for

for the next six months at least, if not longer,

so all of us can enjoy the chatroom services.

And big thanks to Ben over there for helping keep an eye on that

and all the ops and moderators there as well.

And also, you know, the Shopcast.

Big thanks to Carlito for working on that.

Anyway, that's Brad.

He did a good job with that.

Be sure to check him out.

He does shows occasionally on here too,

as well as over on his network, the PLA station, phonelosers.org.

for more information and of course blue planet prank radio.com that's ted website we're also

on there tonight be sure to patronize them while you're at it if you want to hear some more prank

calls dialer that is uh twice weekly podcast it's got episode coming out tomorrow morning

monday morning she releases a podcast as well as on friday uh mornings that's over at dialerslab.com

he's got a bi-weekly uh podcast not a live show but a podcast he's doing a pretty good job and

And when you guys get a chance, be sure to check out his site.

Subscribe to his podcast to give him some support also.

Tell him Madhouse sent you when you did it.

Appreciate it.

All right, we're out of here.

Catch you on the next show.

Bye.

Calls (31, 1 h 4 min of 1 h 55 min)

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