Calling About Those Stupid Jobs

Stupid people.

Why don't you go up to a man and do this to his face instead of being a fucking coward

and doing it over the phone?

I try.

You're a fucking fag.

I try.

We're calling the number, motherfucker.

Right, but normally when you call up somebody looking for employment, you should present

yourself in a bit more of a professional manner.

And then I pulled her.

Sir, are you interested in a job or you just want to talk dirty?

What's the deal?

So I was wondering if you could do a private session, you know, just me and whoever it

is.

Eddie?

What's up?

I don't think you're the kind of applicant that we're looking for either.

Come on, honey.

Honey, baby.

Come on.

you're listening to the madhouse radio prank cast manufacturing plants of the worldwide

business machines corporation in one wing of the plant is housed the huge laboratories of

of the company, where newly designed and experimental calculating machines are built

and tested. It is evening. The vast laboratory with its long rows of intricate-looking machines

is deserted.

98.6, the mouth.

This is basic civil defense information from the Department of Defense, Office of Civil

Defense, Washington. If an enemy nuclear attack ever occurs, many areas of the nation would

be threatened by radioactive fallout. If there is public shelter nearby, go to it.

Or if you have a home shelter, use it, unless your local government has given you other instructions.

But if regular shelter isn't available, and you have a house with a below-ground basement or storm cellar,

you could still improvise some protection from radioactive fallout.

In a basement, choose a corner most below ground and away from windows.

Drag in a heavy bench or table to make a roof for your shelter.

Cover it with trunks, stacks of firewood, flagstones, books, anything that is thick and heavy.

then wall yourself in on the two open sides with heavy appliances or dressers or chests

backed with earth or sand to help absorb radiation for more information on this and

other ways to improvise protection from fallout check with your local civil defense office

son of a bitch son of a bitch what i want when i want go on the air when i want say what i want

do what i want have as long as a of an intro as i want you don't like it you know what to do

there's other providers of services around here son of a bitch i'm carlito this is madhouse

monday morning episode not morning morning on the east coast on the west coast rather

not on the east coast ah but i'm here july the 8th 8th of july i got a copy of the sunday paper

i got a copy of the sunday paper and i'm gonna go through this copy of the sunday paper here and

i've circled already a few nice looking ads for employment we have a aarp senior employment

opportunity various positions available for workers 55 and older with low income requirements

so basically uh you won't make low income requirement means on purpose you're not wanting

to make too much money so that you can still collect your social security you can work part

part-time and shit but you can't make more than i think it's like 13 000 a year or something like

that and still claim your social security and be chilling be pimping you know if you're on top of

that you got yourself a nice pension man you're pimping you're pimping old man you're taking

cruises and shit twice a year that's american dream that's a real american dream living down

in florida you know palm springs over on the west coast and shit anyway there's also an accountant

accountant an Episcopal church is looking for an accountant and we got a construction company

Gus over there is the contact for an account position but before any of those I will start

with the largest ad in the paper this week was for a career fair for the Ashley's Furniture

Home Store Company they're the number one furniture retailer and they're growing they

have immediate full-time openings at their local locations here two local locations they're looking

for what they call a sales consultant if you're interested or a self-motivated customer service

oriented per and a people person we want to talk to you that's definitely me son of a bitch i need

a job generous competitive commission and bonus plan with uncapped earnings potential full benefits

including medical paid vacations 401k paid training and more qualified applicants will be interviewed

interviewed same day and they've got an address and a phone number machine for a store of theirs

looks like their event here is going to be on thursday they'll be hiring a bunch of motherfuckers

anyway i said that to say this let's give them a call first call of the day i had a lot of onions

today you know a little bit of that acid reflux that acid reflux is a motherfucker thank you for

Calling Ashley Furniture.

Please hold while I transfer your call to that extension.

Always elusive, that extension.

Calling Ashley Furniture.

This is Amy.

How can I help you?

Hey, Big Amy.

How you doing?

How you doing, honey?

Good.

Honey baby.

Listen, I'm looking at this goddamn newspaper here.

You got some jobs coming up.

Okay.

Is this a new freaking store that's opening up?

It sounds exciting.

I used to sell furniture at Bears in Florida.

We don't have a new store opening up now, but...

It says sale consultant machine.

Who do I talk to over there, big girl?

Who can help me out with that?

That would actually be Karen, our store manager.

She is currently working with a customer right now.

Oh, wow.

I mean, if you want to come in and fill out an application, that would be perfect.

Hell, yeah.

What's big Karen like?

Is she a nice chick?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

She walks around strutting her stuff like she's got the man pants on.

Like, yeah, I'm a woman in a man's world.

Yeah.

Yeah, sometimes you get that attitude.

I was interviewing for a job once, and the first thing I said is,

we need to downsize here.

That's the first thing that I would do once I started working.

Oh.

Yeah, I bring it up in my interview.

It's time to downsize, if you ask me.

Here's my five-point plan to downsize.

Oh.

First thing you do is get rid of any Mexicans and Hispanics.

They steal stuff.

You know, they bring problems.

They're expensive.

Oh, I don't think that would go over very well.

All right.

And then no women should be driving cars and stuff around there, you know?

Oh, yeah.

Well, all the women working there should be getting dropped off by their husbands

or taking the bus and walking like a good little honey.

That's how I run my store.

No, that's not going to work here.

I'm going to try to apply to take her job.

What's her name?

Kelly?

Kelly Karen?

Karen, she's a woman.

I didn't know she was a woman.

I'm actually going to apply for her job.

Who do I call?

I don't think that.

Who hires her?

The owners.

And who are they?

Ashley Machines?

No, this is Ashley Furniture.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

Ashley, then who's the owners of Ashley?

How do I get a hold of them?

Because I'm going to gun.

What's her name again?

The manager's name?

Kelly?

You have to get through the proper channels.

channels yeah i'm trying to find out what the channels are to run for store manager that's

what i want well i i don't think with your suggestions that that would really work here

sir no but that's between don't get involved i'll have to write you up what was your name again

my name's amy amy i'm writing that down right here my report amy said that i need to shut up

what else did you say i told you to shut up well i'm gonna put it in the report here because i

i figure it might hang on amy said okay sir i'm hanging up right now shut the f off you said i'm

gonna hang up on you she hung up on us she slammed the phone damn it woman i miss doing calls like

this it's i don't know why i just really love calling want ads and just act like a complete

asshole because at this time they've already probably gotten like a good 20 30 people calling

about the same stupid job and here i come calling and seeing incredulous stuff feminine slurs and

racial slurs and they're not going to tolerate that that of course is a quote off a famous

prank call called the man pants that i did on this show hell a few years ago you can check that

out and download it or listen to it over at madhouse live.com thank you let's call this

is AARP. Is it ARP or AARP? What are you supposed to say? All right. I used to work for a credit

card company and we had the ARP credit card or whatever, the AARP credit card. And all those

old people will call in and they'd say, I'm calling about my ARP card. So as far as I knew,

it was ARP, but I haven't heard anyone call it that ARP since then. It's always AARP or AARP.

well i say arp let's get that straight right first of all i got some work for these old

fucks to come over here and do some shit let me get in on that i'm gonna hire some old fucks for

really slave labor and treat them really rude i have ideas for this oh god good afternoon aarp

foundation this is wendelin how may help you hey boy how you doing hello hello hello is this aarp

AARP or ARP?

All right, she just hung up on it.

She heard me call her boy.

Foundation's Senior Community Service Employment Program.

We're not able to answer the phone right now.

Finally, leave a name, number, and a brief message.

We'll get back to you as soon as we can.

Thank you for calling and have a great day.

Hey, I don't appreciate calling over there and people hanging up the phone

when I'm trying to see about getting a job.

I don't appreciate that.

That's rude and mean and nasty.

I need to talk to these old fucks and get them to work.

give me a call back please i forgot what the number is to call back in with so we'll just

have to rely on their ability to check caller id sorry it's just a bitch then if i start giving out

the number to call in i got it muted on here so no one's live is listening to it because i get

assholes all the time they hear a phone number live and they're like you know it gets real

real annoying really fast anyway i'm sorry i'll i'll calm down that's our arp thing i guess it's

aarp that's what i got from two of those peoples uh here's the episcopal church that's looking for

an accountant or bookkeeper god damn it let's do it god damn it or is there no oh there is no phone

number for that one never mind let me cross that out sorry it's got no phone number it's not much

of a prank unless you want email pranks or something i don't know they probably won't

don't reply to those i don't blame them so instead here's a construction company and i tell them

about how i keep two sets of books and i used to be an accountant for uh televangelists i'm a dirty

accountant please leave your name number time of call and i'll get back to you thank you bye

at the town please record your message when you finished recording you may hang up or press one

for more options listen here god damn it i'm calling about the stupid job you got posted in

the stupid newspaper they're counting shit i really appreciate if you answer the phone when

i'm calling so i can talk to you about the fucking job thank you all right so we left a message there

a nice message he'd appreciate that after getting people calling him all day probably kissing his

ass and the messages and conversations he gets some guy who's just fucking nasty like that for

no reason who looks for a job and leaves messages like hey call my fucking ass that's the prank

that's the whole thing although it does work best when they answer this is funny i'm going through

the newspaper like i'm really looking for work i'm not looking for a job at all i'm just looking

for pranks and this is the first time i've bought a newspaper and holy shit i can't i couldn't tell

you this newspaper in this town sucks man i think this is maybe only the second or third time the

only time the last you know what the last time i read this fucking paper was when it was when i

was in the hospital for uh the most recent time which was like a year ago in 2011 a year ago to

to this uh this same week in 2011 so two years ago because at the hospital they would always

give me a copy of the paper and all i all i could do was sit there and watch shitty tv you know cnn

it was all casey anthony stuff so i would i would troll the casey anthony chat on my android phone

and read the paper anyway what i'm getting at this is the first time in two years that i've

use of paper like their funny section is some motherfucker called moose sucks you know the funny

i i haven't found the cartoons in a newspaper funny since i was like in the seventh grade i

never got the garfield thing in the 90s everyone was all garfield garfield's hilarious i love

garfield garfield shirt garfield fucking pencils garfield cartoon fuck garfield's stupid man it's

It's the laziest fucking comic strip, because if you look at Garfield, sometimes all three or four panels, you know, in the strip didn't change.

They were like he would draw Garfield once and would be the same position, you know, for the whole strip and every little block, except for maybe in one or two of them.

He changed the mouth expression on the fucking thing.

It was so lazy.

That fucking guy, that Schultz guy.

What the fuck is he called?

Fuck that shit.

None of that shit.

shit dunesbury was the only one the only one i ever liked was that dunesbury shit and even that

got stupid after a while but at least it was more hip god garfield was gay man anybody like garfield

back then was like you're stupid yeah you're no shit you're like garfield you spent ten dollars

fifteen dollars on a garfield book at the fucking book fair at school you're pretty stupid man you

must have fucking autism all right let's continue let me try to get a hold of that manager s once

Once again, the manager at the furniture store where we did that first call to.

Maybe she's not helping our customer.

I think her name was Kelly.

Whatever.

Maybe next week I'll set it up so I can give out a phone number for these people to call back on.

Because some of those good pranks we got like four years ago when I was doing this shit.

Thank you for calling Ashley Furniture Home Store.

Came as a result of that.

You may press zero at any time during this message.

A lot of them were callbacks, if you remember.

A lot of people on the chat.

Please call while I transfer your call to that extension.

That's pretty cool for a random Monday afternoon show.

A lot of people in the chat room.

Akers is correct.

Jim Davis.

Whoops.

Schultz was Peanuts.

Thank you for calling Ashley Furniture.

This is Amy.

How can I help you?

Hey, Amy.

How are you?

Okay.

I'm supposed to call and speak to the store manager, Kelly, Carrie, something like that.

Okay.

Can I have your name?

Yeah, this is Cross.

Okay.

Can I tell her what it's in regards to?

It's an important business matter.

Oh, okay.

Okay, can you hold for a moment?

Okay.

Thank you.

At ashleyhomestores.com.

Oh, yeah, Roy, a.k.a. RBCP, is mentioning,

wasn't there a thing where you can read Garfield without Garfield being in it?

And it's basically just John acting deranged.

Your call is very important to us.

Thank you for your patience.

Someone will be with you shortly.

That's some weird shit.

Yeah, I've seen some of those.

Send me a link if there's a site that has a lot of those.

I'd like to see more of those.

If you visit an Ashley Furniture Home store, you'll find great new ideas for every room in your home.

As the exclusive retailer of world-renowned...

I'm drinking whiskey over here, if you're watching the video.

No, I'm kidding.

I'm drinking iced tea.

...explained room after room of great furniture combinations...

It's iced tea.

...in the latest fabulous...

I should have told you I was drinking whiskey.

...we also feature exciting accessories and gifts.

We're out of a bottle.

Don't see why we say you're gonna love this place.

It's that Gold Peak shit.

Gold Peak, sponsor of the first hour of the Madhouse Show.

This is Karen.

How may I help you?

you hey karen how you doing there gal it's good good who's that oh this is cross eddie cross

oh hey eddie what's going on it's good to finally talk to you so are you the store manager there

what's your title honey yeah so i was thinking maybe i could uh i don't want to sound competitive

but maybe in the district i could go out for your position you know i used to be a store manager at

a few places including a furniture store down in florida so i want to get involved with whoever

whoever your masters are, you know, whoever the men are, let's say, Hey lady, go to this store

and be the manager and walk around, you know, like I got the man pants, walkers strutting your thing

and telling things you say, cut the employees, do this, do that. Like, uh-huh. Yeah. You know,

okay. That's the kind of job I want. Cause I've been working and just sales and stuff like that.

And I finally want to get to the point where I can walk around, you know, and be like, hey, do this.

Hey, you, hey, hey, what time you come in?

You're five minutes late.

Hey, like that, you know.

And I roll up a newspaper and I hit the employee in the face.

Like, you stupid.

You're five minutes late, you little stupid monkey, you.

Like that.

You know how you get like that.

You get so mad at your staff sometimes.

Well, I've never rolled up a newspaper and hit them, but okay.

You should try it.

It feels good.

It lets you let out the power because you're a manager, you know?

Okay, well, I try to do a little bit more positive reinforcement than that.

But are you looking to apply for the job?

Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm trying to get on your level.

I just want you to know that, you know, I'm on your level here when it comes to stuff.

I'm not just a pissant employee like those people you got working for you.

I want to work on your level, you know?

So if you hire me on to work in the store, I thought I can infiltrate the regular staff.

I can make sure they're not trying to get in a union and stuff like that.

And if I hear about any of the employees saying they want to start a union, then I threaten them.

I threaten them.

Well, I think this company is a little too small since it's franchised.

They don't have to worry about a union or anything like that.

No, they'll try.

They'll try.

eye there i'm telling you i know three of your employees that are working on it now i can give

you their names you want their names i'll tell them right now yeah who's working on a union the

girl i picked up the phone she's the ringleader so working on a union she's a ringleader she's

the ringleader on starting a unionizing the employees yeah but i'm not going to give you

more information until you hire i mean that's just a little that's just the tip of the iceberg

You know what I'm saying?

It's the tip of the iceberg.

Those employees, they're trying to union up.

Just out of curiosity, how do you know that they're trying to union up?

Because I go on Facebook and I'm friends with one of them

and I made friends with all of them.

When they go out drinking and stuff, I've been hanging out with them

and I've been gathering this information and everything

and I wrote it down in a journal.

Wow.

So if you want to hire me on, I'll give you the union information.

I'll tell you the other two ringleaders, you know, or I can intimidate Amy some more.

I think that if you're looking to apply for a job, then you need to fill out the proper protocol first.

And that would be filling out an application, coming in for an interview.

And we can sit down and talk face-to-face and see if we'll cover your qualifications.

All right.

Wink, wink.

I get it.

I'll just go through the application because it's formality, you know.

But you know my name.

And did you want to write it down so you know, remember, it's me.

Eddie Cross, I have that.

Yeah, so when you, you know, like, I'm the guy, and tell your people to say,

hey, I'm going to interview with Eddie Cross.

Eddie Cross got some info, you know, on the, you know.

But I'm not going to give any, I mean, I got to get something back, you know.

I got to get something back.

I need a job.

If you want to follow proper protocol, we can sit down and do a normal interview

and see your qualifications and see what experience you have.

Yeah, because you can just hire me and have me on the staff, right?

And I'll be like, hey, what's up, guys?

Hey, I heard we're working on getting a union going,

and I'll get more names and stuff like that, you know?

I honestly am not worried about the union.

I'm looking to get some good, qualified sales people here.

Okay, okay, okay.

What I'm looking for.

So what type of sales experience do you have?

I sold furniture for three years at Bears and four years at Lovett's.

I was the state leader at Bears for two years in sales and closings.

And at Lovett's, I was the company-wide sales leader.

And this is all in the state of Florida.

I sold furniture.

Then I used to sell cars.

I do what I call intimidating salesmanship.

You know, this guy comes to me the other day.

He wanted this green leather sofa, and I kept telling him I wanted to show him a demonstration of the application of the surety trust gel that you can put on it that protects it.

You know, it's an upgrade.

It's an upgrade.

So you know what I mean.

And he's like, oh, no, I don't want to do you stupid like that.

He said to me, you stupid like that.

i took that thing of gel and i emptied it out on top of his uh on top of his head you know and i

said yeah how you like that now you know what it probably gives you cancer and shit i said like

that and i said you pay for this bottle now you broke it you bought it and he's like you're the

one that opened it up you mf for like that he was saying and i pushed him and i said hey either

Either you're the one that pays for this bottle or I'm going to start breaking some heads and breaking some furniture.

And I took my leg and I did like a leg drop on this end table and it splintered up and it broke.

And that's when they fired me.

Okay.

Yeah.

But, yeah, to answer your question, I got seven years experience.

I spent two years as the top in the state of Florida salesman.

And I spent two years in a smaller company as the whole corporation leader in sales.

And number of sales, number of closings, and percent of revenue, and commission.

I had the best commission.

do you think intimidating customers is a good way to get sales that's how i get down you know

That's how I get down.

I'm just saying I came in a boat from Cuba in the 1980s.

In the early 80s, I was eight years old.

We came to Cuba, and we lived in a fucking tent city for like two years

while they figured out, yo.

And then I went to high school, and I couldn't go to college.

My family's poor.

That's all.

That's all it is.

Well, I think I don't quite use intimidation to get sales.

I don't think that that's a professional way of getting sales here.

What about demonstrating by, like, jumping up and down on the couch

or, like, doing, like, jumping up on the couch

and then the coffee table's right in front of you

and then I, like, tap my elbow and I jump off like Hulk Hogan

and I break through the coffee table and it goes.

And then who's going to pay for that?

The customer does.

The customer pays for you breaking a table when you're demonstrating it?

yeah because then i say hey this is your fault you know if you would have bought this i would

like i even go say look either you buy this or i'm gonna break it right now that's how serious

i am i'm gonna tell them this is how serious i am that this is the lowest possible price that

you're gonna get anywhere i said if you don't buy it i'm right here in front of you i'm gonna break

it i'm gonna i'm gonna jump on top of it i'm gonna elbow drop it i'm gonna break it right in front

of you yeah that's what i do and then it gets it gets crazy like this one time like this uh family

was there and they had two kids and the wife was screaming yes mfr he's scaring our children and

this and that and i said hey you know your children shouldn't be out at the furniture store

that's when people go to test out furniture it has a bunch of sexual connotations you know how

how it is wow well um it's a hot it's that doesn't sound like uh the way that i want to run the

business here yeah um it doesn't sound as professional or as anything that i would be

interested in yeah you know we try to be very upfront and very honest with our customers we

don't try to intimidate them nor do we try to break furniture in front of them all right now

Now, what about mattresses?

Do you sell that also or any sleep out, you know, sleeping couches?

Mattresses.

Yeah, so that's another thing.

The lady, like, she'd say, hey, lay down.

And then I'd get behind her and I'd wear this cologne.

It's got pheromones in it, you know.

And it, you know, weakens the female body up.

It weakens the woman.

It makes her breathe harder.

It raises her heart rate, all this stuff.

And she's almost intoxicated by the time.

We get to the mattresses and, you know, I'll lay her down and say, hey, baby girl, hey, you like this mattress, right?

Imagine getting, imagine I had my head between your legs on this mattress right now, you know, and usually they just go crazy.

Again, I don't think that that's something that I would want to proceed with here.

I'm Cuban and I work out, you know, I do marathons.

I do marathons, but I don't.

It's hot.

Oh, that's hot.

Yeah.

What do you wear?

What do you like to wear?

what kind of shoe you rock i don't think i think that we're gonna have to like i said if you

i just don't think that you're gonna be a good fit for us here but i do appreciate you calling

and giving your input and your advice and everything oh that's good do you think maybe

i can still meet and just give you at least some more some more uh ideas you know um actually i

think we're pretty set here so we have the job fair on thursday if you want to come over but

Yeah, I'm going to talk to you.

You know, this is Eddie.

Hey, what's up?

I just don't, honestly, Eddie, I don't think it would be a good match for us.

What's up, girl?

I'll say, what's up, girl?

Like that.

That's what I'll say.

I'm going to come in and I'm going to be like, what's up, girl?

When I see you.

Like I said, I appreciate you calling in.

I just don't think it's going to be a good match.

I don't think it's going to be a good fit.

Hey, girl.

When I come, I'm going to go, hey, girl.

Like that.

Well, I wish you luck, Eddie.

thank you for taking the time and have a great day all right girl thank you hey bye-bye all women

like being yelled at like that all women like it the feeling you know being a man at random just

goes hey what's up girl all our young and it's summertime so we might have some people listening

some of our high school and middle school student uh fans might be listening live at home parents

are at work you know they're sitting there watching getting ready to watch some afternoon

new cartoons listening to old carlito in the madhouse that's so you know young men out there

women like it when you yell at them when you yell hey or yell woo really loud out of a car window

when you see them and they look hot tell you what man dark shane just asked what color her panties

are that's another thing girls like asking what color their underwear is you say like that what

color is your underwear in a very arabic way what color is your underwear that's how i imagine

and indians anyway i wanted to mention i've been doing prank calls with uh dialer and his crew

over at global chaos radio the former jilly cast or galley cast radio whatever it was

but i didn't join them today but when i get a chance during the afternoon so they do pranks

and it's they run a podcast so if you've been paying attention you should be paying attention

but if you pay attention you'll hear your old boy carlita i've been doing a few pranks they've had

had a few on those episodes including one uh one that was really good actually a few that were

really good on there and they've had some good ones too so be sure to check out dialerslab.tk

i think that's the site i don't know what site he gives out for the show per se but he's in the

chat room now he'll tell me and he should post it because there is uh carlito pranks are on the last

few episodes there of global chaos radio so be sure to check those out we've been having fun

even jen yeah because i was doing it one day jen's like hey what's up hit me up on skype as a guy not

much doing pranks with dialer what are you doing it's like oh let me in like all right and jen did

a pretty good call to an indian place that's on the i want to say that was on friday's release

the fifth july the fifth episode i think it was a july the fifth episode anyway just go there and

check it out we're there fucking sinuses are killing me and they have been for a while uh

Uh, auto collision instructor, immediate opening for a permanent full-time auto collision

instructor requirements include the ability to plan, assess, and supervise high school

students.

Okay.

PA safety inspection certification, supervisory experience, and other applicable industry

credentials are preferred.

Salary depends on experience with a full benefit package.

All right.

And here's the number.

Let's give them a call.

Let me circle it so I don't lose it.

Give me a second.

Okay.

by the way our anniversary i gotta figure out when we're gonna do our next uh our eighth

eight year anniversary show it should be within the next week or so but i i believe i gotta check

my calendar i think i'm working all weekend this weekend so i can't do a show this weekend

we might have to hold off for another week but last year we had a good show remember jen

was on for the first time in a long time he joined us we had zolar on and we had a few people i think

we had dr lego on or something or we tried to anyway that's coming up we'll always do like a

a countdown and stuff it's it's going to be rough for me to get a countdown though because i haven't

isolated any of the prank calls on a show really in the last year so i think we'll have to skip

that leverage vocational technical school we are operating under the summer schedule until august

15th you are being transferred to the operator administration office hey big girl how you doing

i'm good how are you oh i'm good honey i'm calling about this auto collision instructor

instructor uh position okay who do i talk to on that there big girl um let me transfer you to the

admin director all right honey hey how you doing there big guy how are you boy i'm good oh very

good listen i see this you got the auto collision instruction i used to teach a driver's ed in high

school for three years and i also taught road safety and driver instruction courses out of my

own company for five that folded after my wife died god damn it hello yep i'm listening so i'm

interested i go down there and teach a class get these kids in the line i don't mess around either

i say hey you listen you pay attention look what you do and how you know am i teaching them how to

drive i do defensive driving also i know defense it's not it's not a driving course now i know you

You drive, and you put the car in drive, and you go, and you go, like that.

You go forward and then back, and you put the brake down, the car stop, the brake down, the car stop, and then you put a hand on the gear, and you go back to the R for reverse, and you honk your horn a little bit so people know you're going back.

you go meep meep like that hey you look in all your windows and mirrors and you know then you

go you turn down the radio no distraction and you go back and you look and you're looking and

you're looking and when you get to where you think you stop you put on the brake and you put it in

the p for park machine and then you fully turn off the lights and then you take the keys out you

put the keys in your pocket and you get out you lock the door you know yeah so stuff stuff like

that yeah sounds great you sound like exactly what we're looking for excellent so what do i

need to do you need to turn in an application okay so you can find that at our website www.cpavts.org

and i'll be looking for it all right did you need my name oh when you turn in an application i'll get

you i'll get it then i'm eddie garcia i'm gonna down the guy remember i told you everything about

about how do you go in the car and you move the car, you're careful. Okay. You're careful. You're

the car is a responsibility. Okay. And you pay attention and the car is not a right. It is a

privilege. That's what you say. Every time you just go in the car before you turn the key on,

I say, Lord, I do a little prayer. I say, good Lord, Lord father, the car is not a right. It's

It's a privilege and respect, and then I put the key in and turn on the car.

Yep, I agree with you.

Good, good.

You got it.

Okay, buddy.

All right, honey.

So I'll send that application on the computer machine.

Do I have to turn my computer on?

You can write it out if you want.

Okay, and then when I do a sending the fax or whatever,

do I hit pound to send it or send?

You probably send.

Send, okay.

okay okay all right thank you all right bye take care bye all right i made his name i made his day

you know he's telling everyone i got the weirdest fucking call some guy went into a three minute

weird baby talk explanation of putting his car in park and the prayer he does before he starts

his car to lord father lord father then i'm asking him how do i how do i send the fax to

like all right cool man awesome guy give me just a second here i need to look up a phone number

certain special phone number here please thank you it's 250 in the east coast it's about to be

noon here in about 10 minutes on the west coast for monday july the 8th this is madhouse radio

machine thank you for joining me if you're listening live also broadcasting on rbcp and

And there's a Prank Call Radio Network, Prank Call Live Radio, something like that.

Shit, I don't know.

We're on Blue Planet Prank Radio also.

Don't forget the YouTube channel and the YouTube video feed is on right now.

You can catch this and other previous shows via the video archives there at youtube.com slash madhouseradio.

That's my username on YouTube.

For that matter, it's also the Google Plus account if you even give a shit.

I don't because I never log into it except for doing these live hangouts on air.

Here, got a request here from a direct message on YouTube.

Can I play the voicemail from the freezer guy that was really pissed off at me a few weeks ago?

Yeah, sure.

Here's the first of those, the best one of those.

For sale.

Here you go.

I fulfilled your request.

Ken's got to go do dishes.

Ha ha.

Go do dishes.

Anyway, here's this number I wanted to do.

this is the alexander book company in san francisco and ask him a nice question a prank

call idea that i got over the weekend here partly credit to dialer you'll see why if it goes down

not a book company i can help you hey how are you there big guy who are you i got a problem

my wife she it's our anniversary and i have no idea what to get her and she found out that i

I don't, I didn't, you know, get or anything yet, but I'm at work.

So she's, her best friend told me that she likes that Fifty Shades kind of books, you know, the dirty sexual books.

The Fifty Shades of Grey.

Do you have those kind of books there?

We have that particular book or books like that.

Books like that, that genre where the women like to read it and it's sexual, you know?

Hold on a moment.

She gave me a list of titles, and I have one in particular that she really wants.

Okay.

What is that?

It's called, uh, uh, uh, like that.

I don't know how to spell it.

I think it's...

I don't either.

It's like...

Hold on a moment.

Let me look it up.

It's called, uh, uh, uh, like that.

Right.

Okay, I got you.

Hold on.

Okay.

I dig this music, man.

Very chill.

Good idea, Zax.

Read him the description of it.

Hello.

Yeah, we don't have that one.

And the only other book that we have, particularly like Fifty Shades of Grey, is Sylvia Day series.

Do you have, like, do you have that one?

There's one called, oh, God, like that.

I don't even know how to spell it.

I think it's U-G-H-H, like that.

It's supposed to be the sound of the man when he's going to ejaculate.

He's holding his penis, you know, and he goes, like that.

Sorry, no, I don't have that.

you don't know how you spell it do you have oh fuck yeah it's by ken all right he hung up never

mind he doesn't have he doesn't have oh fuck yeah sorry ken i know ken's listening that's awesome

msc3 clay mentioning the best hold music is classical music nes or midi style we get that

a lot in japan sometimes china when you get put on hold there you get the uh super nes or 16 bit

8-bit kind of sounding or 16-bit it's 16-bit uh midi style hold music those japanese man

all right let's continue looking at the niche paper here i'm glad he got a kick out of that

the guy that actually called it all right here we go caregivers all shift this is car necessary

clean record home instead senior care where okay home instead hang on the milkman's calling

Hey, the milkman.

Hello?

Hey.

Hey, man.

Hey, I'm doing prank calls on the air.

You want to go on?

I thought you were sleeping.

I didn't bother you.

I'm going to call you back.

You want to get on Skype or on the cell phone?

Just me.

That's just me.

No, no, no.

It's just me.

I've just been on for about 30, 40 minutes maybe.

You want me to call your phone or your Skype?

All right, then you call me on Skype and I'll pick it up so I don't forget, all right?

All right.

On biz.

yeah the best yeah the biz yep okay okay say hi to your mom for me bye yeah bye all right cool

that's good we got the milkman he sleeps during the day like i do usually so i don't i don't want

to bother him that's good he's up i just have weird nights off this week i've got tonight and

tomorrow night off so and i might actually get get called into work tomorrow i had to work last

night it was kind of a last minute thing so i had been kind of planning to do a show last night

but it didn't work out i feel bad if anybody was at the wing i was i was figuring someone else would

go on usually someone else does either brad or uh jayad or ice goose or sloth or a combination of

those gentlemen's milkman does not want to be on with anyone else except for me i don't know what's

up with that but that's him that's the way he's been lately all right back to the newspaper i was

getting ready to call who was it the caregivers all right here we go hey honey how are you good

good oh good i'm calling that you need some caregivers we are uh we are accepting applications

for the position of caregiver yes oh that's nice i like to give tender loving care nice care i have

a good car do i need to drive them around and stuff there are things that you do uh companionship

meal preparation lighthouse keeping um we run errands for them and with them um and then helping

with personal care. I have a clean record except one time I rolled up a newspaper and hit one of

my patient's dogs with it a few times on the head. I was trying to teach it to not take a

shit, I'm sorry, to go to the bathroom inside the house. And the person I was giving care to,

the patient, he had told me, he said, you know, if you want, you teach him. And he bought a chain

to put around the dog and i yanked the chain and he said and hit him with the newspaper he rolled

up newspaper and i said all right and i hit him in the head you know and then my boss found out

and i said but that's what the old man said you know do that and they said doesn't matter you

know he's senile he's crazy you know yeah okay but for about a whole three months at least once

a day i had to hit the dog in the head that doesn't sound good huh but it wasn't really my

my fault you know all right well if you would are interested in the position we can certainly look

at your application so we would ask you to stop by the office here and fill one out and and we'll

go from there now i just want to let you know what i'm gonna have a car and i have a pit bull

that i have to take out but it has to be on a muzzle because of the police because he got loose

once and was threatening to bite some people so he'll be the people will be in my car but he has

has a muzzle on you know but that's fine he just cannot come in the office no no but he usually he

scratches at the windows and claws that stuff but he can't he'll get out of the car he'll break out

of the car too sometimes and he might run around the parking you know or in front of the building

but he's muzzled he won't hurt anybody he just he he chases little animals around and stuff

but he's so stupid you know that he doesn't know that he's got a muzzle on he broke through one

I'm a muzzle.

Oh, all right.

But I'm saying it's cool.

He's on a muzzle.

He's my little baby sweetheart, baby dog, baby.

I say, hey, little, and I go, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

Like that to him, I say all the time.

I say, me, me, me, me, me.

All right, well, we're in the office Monday through Friday from 8 to 4.30.

And then me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, you know?

Is there anything else I can help you with?

Me, me, mo, mo, mo, mo, me, me, mo.

all i don't know where else to take that so i just went into some memeos there you go very mature

and very funny i'm sure y'all thought that was hilarious the dog yes there are notes in the chat

room how does a pitbull threaten to bite someone i'm gonna bite you oh that's pabla tron good point

fucking pitbull well you know threatening he was baring his teeth and barking but he wasn't biting

you know who was threatening didn't you know that's all you gotta do to my you just gotta

tell my people me me me me me comes down me me me me it probably thinks i'm nuts okay collectors

eleven dollars sixty six and sixty six cents an hour plus eleven sixty six plus are you

are you an experienced collector that is not properly compensated for your outstanding

outstanding performance collections law firm located in the area is seeking full-time collectors

for its expanding government collection practice the fuck is that geez they also offer paid training

pay medical benefits and dental coverage and we can call this number here okay here we go

the collect it's a great name for a supervillain in a comic book the collector i am the connect

leave

Leave a message and I will return your call as soon as possible.

Should your call require immediate attention, please dial zero for the attendant.

Please hold for...

Weinberger, Goggin, Blair, and Sampson.

Sampson's the gay one.

Shall the tone please record the message.

Please hold for...

Mailbox Harrisburg.

You have reached the Harrisburg collection branch of Weinberger, Goggin, Blair, and Sampson.

Zero is not valid.

I got stuck in voicemail hell.

See if I can complain to someone about Samson.

I got to pee, guys.

Hey, big girl, how you doing?

I'm good.

How are you?

Oh, well, I'm a little, I could be better.

You know, my man hasn't come through yet.

But that's not your problem.

He's just regular pot dealer lazy.

I've got, looking here at this collection, it's $11.66 an hour?

Yes.

All right, I'd be interested in that.

And I was just to give a phone call if I had any questions.

You sound like you're a little, you know, a little perturbed or worried, upset that I'm calling.

Is it okay that I have some questions?

No, I'm just trying to determine what this call was in reference to.

Into the stupid job, you know?

All right, so then I wanted to tell you about how well I perform.

The first thing I think we should go over is we really need to downsize the staff there, you know?

That's the first thing you do.

you put me in and i start creating dissent among the staff i report back to you and all the rumors

and stuff who's sleeping with who who doesn't like who stuff like that and then i can intimidate if

they're trying to unionize they're trying to start a union i intimidate them for you you know

i go through trash cans and stuff i look at their internet history their cookies that they're using

on the computer and then i'm a great collector sorry you can look elsewhere hey honey don't be

be like that come on baby don't you have a great day don't you want to meet me baby

oh shit they are dicks every fucking collection place you call or they call you they're always

dickheads you think that you'd be nice if you're a collector you know you try to be nice so they

get the guy mad actually pay the money but now they're usually like you just used a bullshit

that's why and they uh they're pretty low on the totem pole they're pretty they're they're

they're picking out of the the shallow end of the the pool if you know what i'm saying all right i

gotta urinate i gotta urinate i gotta empty my blower in the toilet and then flush it and wash

my hands and maybe peep something else to drink because i'm getting tired of this uh tea excuse

me um let's play man pants you know i brought it up earlier maybe oh no well maybe a job since

we're doing these job prank calls here for the first time in like a few years used to do these

these uh daytime shows on a weekly basis when the schedule permitted it i am looking here ad

placement job i think this is the ad placement job is the one where i confused the actual newspaper

company that had the wanted ads i've confused their phone number that they had posted for

people to call in and place ads anyway here you go listen i'll be right back give me about three

minutes this is ralph little john and i'm applying in response to your ad that was under retail and

this Orlando Sentinel from yesterday.

I have experience with ad placement.

Okay, you're talking to the Orlando Sentinel place?

Right, you folks put an ad here that says new ad placement.

I'm an ad placement.

I have experience with ad placement in the newspaper,

so I wanted to apply for this job.

Okay, read the whole thing to me.

New ad placement.

For your convenience,

Orlando Sentinel classifies available for new ad placement,

24 hours a day position, seven days a week available,

available 365 days a year options call 800 it has your number so i wanted to apply because i have

retail experience and ad placement experience okay sir that is not a job that's but it's in

the job offers it says here job offers i realize that sir but it's not a position that we have

available it's in the career builder i understand that sir if you would please let me finish my

statement why are you why are you discriminating against me because i'm applying for a job

Sir, I am not discriminating against you.

I'm trying to explain to you why that ad is there.

Because it's an open position.

No, it is not.

What I'm trying to explain to you is that is what we in the business call a house ad.

That is directed to the employer.

Okay, so this is the employer I'm calling for the employment.

We do not have any positions available in the retail section.

What is your fax number there?

So I can send my fax or an e-mail address?

What I can, if you will, you can find out what positions the Orlando Sentinel has available

by going to our website, orlandosentinel.com.

Yeah, you can transfer me now.

Can you transfer me there, please?

Sir?

Can you transfer me there now, please?

No, sir, I cannot.

You can't transfer me to get the jobs.

This is not fair.

I think it's because you know that you have the same job, that you're intimidated.

Sir, I am not intimidated.

I am a customer service rep.

And that's why I'm trying to get a job in customer service ad placement.

Okay, sir.

We do not, what I'm trying to explain to you is we do not have positions available.

This is horrible.

It says here you have a position, new ad placement retail, sales, new ad placement retail.

And then all of a sudden, oh, I don't have a position because you sound like you're going to make me look bad.

Well, I am not an HR person, sir.

I am not an HR person.

I asked you to transfer me and you're refusing.

You're blocking me here.

You're interfering.

You're running interference.

No, I am not interfering with you, sir.

What is your ID number?

I don't have an ID number.

Well, I'm going to report you.

I'm going to report you to the career builder.

I don't work in career builders, sir.

Transfer me now.

I command you to transfer me.

Sir, you can command me all you want to.

I cannot transfer you to career builders because we are not part of career builders.

Okay, here's my...

I'm going to ask you one question.

Let me finish.

Please.

I can't.

I have a problem with letting people finish stuff.

Can I just do mine first and then I'll let you do yours because I don't want to forget.

It's a good point.

Please?

All right.

Okay, good deal.

Thank you so much for being understanding and professional.

Answer me yes or no.

Is there a button on your telephone machine that says transfer?

Yes.

Push that button and then put the extension in for CareerBuilder and then press transfer now.

But you can finish what you need to say first.

I do not have a position.

I do not have a phone number for career builders.

Well, who handles human?

If you had to call your human resource director to see if your medical benefits were okay,

you can transfer me that number, right?

No, sir, I cannot because our benefits are handled out of our office in Chicago.

Oh, the Tribune Company?

Yes.

Oh, that crap.

Those Republicans.

Please, maybe this is best that I don't get a job with you.

Are you a Republican?

Is that why that's what it is?

Because I'm a Democrat, maybe you're thinking, oh, we can't have this liberal here.

I understand.

It's okay.

It has nothing to do with it.

It's called blackballing.

I can tell you how to find positions that are available with the Orlando Sentinel.

I just want you to know that Martin Luther King didn't sacrifice himself for this.

That has nothing to do with what you want.

Well, you're bastardizing the whole movement of free people.

No, I am not.

Shame on you.

I am trying to tell you how to locate positions that are available with the Orlando Sentinel.

Do you have sticky pads there?

I want you to write down shame and stick it on your computer monitor and leave it there for a week until you...

I'm going to have to hang up with you now.

Shame.

Because you are insulting me.

Shame on you.

I'm shaming you.

I'm holding my finger to the phone

and I'm wiping it with the other finger.

Shame. You hear it? Shame, shame, shame.

Shame on you.

To place a call, press 1.

To listen to...

Shame on you.

Yeah.

I'm back, motherfuckers.

Uh, did you miss me?

Where were we?

More prankies. Collections is done.

This is all the first page still.

Doing pretty good. Here we go. Delivery driver.

Delivery driver.

all right delivery driver wanted are you a good communicator and live near newport we are looking

for an independent contract driver for a round trip route okay depending on the route it's 75

to 110 dollars a trip emergency delivery is also available to the right person okay anyway i got

the number here who cares let's do it nothing there uh okay here we go next page next page

page looking for the next page here if my sausage fingers would open it oh boy these papers are

fucking dumb man look at this shit i wonder they're fucking dead so inconvenient i have

fucking newspaper holding this shit out folding it here and folding it there fedex fedex is looking

they're providing medical dental vision prescription and paid vacations and holidays

holidays three pay increases within the first six months of employment tuition assistance career

advancement opportunities weekly paycheck direct deposit whoa okay you must be 18 no longer in high

school pass a background check and be able to load unload and sort packages as well as perform other

related duties okay 11 15 hour to start they never raised that dude because i remember when i was a

a high schooler some people were trying to get they they had they started working for fedex and

ups one of those two and it was the same it was like 11 15 hour but in that and in 1996 money

and 1997 money you know that was good especially i was working you know i was making 5 15 an hour

480 an hour 5 15 an hour something like that uh minimum wage when i was coming out of high school

in my part-time job, and you're like, damn, $11.50 an hour to throw boxes?

That's some good money, especially back then.

That's not that good, but they haven't adjusted it.

Thank you for calling the FedEx Ground Employment Hotline.

We are currently accepting applications for the part-time package handler position.

We pay $11 to $11.50 an hour to start, depending on the shift.

Shift start times are 2.30 p.m., 5.30 p.m., 11.30 p.m., and 4 o'clock a.m.

Start times are subject to change.

A brief short observation is required before completing an application.

You do not need to schedule a short observation.

Just show up.

Short observations are currently being conducted Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday afternoons at 3 o'clock p.m.

Please bring a photo ID with you and arrive approximately 10 minutes early to allow time to sign in and get through security.

Sessions start promptly as scheduled, and anyone arriving late will be asked to return to a later session.

There will be a five-minute walk to the main operating building, so dress appropriately for adverse weather conditions.

After completing a thought observation, you are welcome to submit an application.

Grandmas, Kathy?

What's up, Big Kathy? How you doing, girl?

Okay.

Good.

I got this ad here I'm looking at, 11, 15 hours to start throwing boxes.

You know, you throw them boxes and stuff.

You're like, hey, take this box, you stupid, and you throw it.

Okay.

Are you interested in applying for a package handler position?

Yeah, I want to handle them packages, you know?

I got to.

Okay.

Am I just in the center there, big girl, or do I go on the truck?

You need to talk to HR.

Hold on, I'll transfer you there, okay?

Honk, honk, like that.

Hold on.

I don't can.

They want to absorb my sexual organ.

This is H. Terry in the HR department at FedEx Ground.

I'm a little...

You're a bitch.

Debbie Beard, please wait.

Big Debbie Beard.

Good afternoon, FedEx Ground.

This is Angie.

I need you to speak with Big Debbie Beard.

One moment.

All right, honey.

FedEx Ground maintenance.

How may I help you?

Is that Debbie?

Excuse me?

Is that Debbie?

How you doing, girl?

I'm doing good.

How are you?

Good.

Is this Debbie, I said, damn it?

Yes, this is Debbie.

i'm calling about the job here this you got people handling packages throwing packages around

oh you want hr hang on listen listen they said i gotta talk to you are you the manager honey

what do you do no i am not what do you do what do you do there debbie i work in maintenance

oh you fix stuff oh no uh-uh oh you just you're just on the computer like a pretty little girl

not getting involved in a man's business no i try to keep them in line but let me transfer you down

to hr that's who you need to talk to keep me in line you can use a whip on me in bed i'll talk to

you later i'll transfer you there okay the next ground this is terry hey big terry how you doing

i'm fine how are you i was just talking to big debbie over there and maintenance yeah she's a

a firecracker, isn't she? Yeah. She's a sweetheart. Who am I talking to? Oh, this is Eddie. I was

calling about this package handling position. Okay. Yeah. So what do I got to do? This packing

sort, you're going to observe me, observe observation of the sorting machine? Oh, what

that means is before you can put an application in, you must come in and do an observation of

the work area. So you have a realistic idea of what the job is you're applying for. And then

you put the application in after that yeah all right yeah i dig that so should i come in like

hackies or dickies or like you know what i mean i want to come and i want to i'm going to have my

oakley sunglasses on i'm like hey you know i look down on the other people that are coming to do the

observation i'm like like i look at them up and down you know like who you are nigga like that

Yeah, that's what I say, too.

What's up, nigga?

Like that, you know?

We do sort observations Monday through Thursday at 3 o'clock.

If you want to put an application in, you can come in one of those days.

Can I have a private one, just me with you all and, you know?

Now, exactly who am I talking to here?

I'm Eddie.

Like, I want to do the sort observation, but I don't want those other nobodies hanging out with me, you know, other people applying.

So can I get one in private?

Could you inform me, please?

Yes.

I'm Eddie, and I'm looking to do the sort observation,

but I don't want to be hanging out with the other applicants,

all those dirty people.

So I was wondering if you could do a private session, you know,

just me and whoever it is.

Okay, Eddie.

Eddie, I don't think you're the kind of applicant that we're looking for either.

Oh, come on, honey, honey baby, come on.

Oh, shit.

I'm having fun with this.

It's been a long time since I did pranks like this.

I love it.

She put me on speakerphone for other people to listen.

and that's that's that's what i love when i do these when they're working in cubicles probably

where they got other managers are around in the office like you've got to hear this shit wow

i'm on speakerphone i should have said that am i a speakerphone yeah why because this is my office

and i put people on speakerphone you got a problem with that you know that's i i think that's my

favorite i don't know which of my favorite of these um help wanted pranks that i used to do

that's a close second if not my favorite would be that one man where the fucking guy call him back

he called me and i call him back and i'm straight up like my speakerphone man he's like yeah so

this thing's my office i'm supposed to be looking for a job and i'm like well put me on speakerphone

man it's my office and i put people on speakerphone you don't like it you got a problem with that

oh yeah what's going on over there sir how do you say there buddy good thing your speakerphone

Was that before?

You have a problem with that?

Well, I think usually we ask for permission before we put people on speakerphone.

Isn't that right, Mr. Allen?

Are you looking for a job?

Yes, I am.

Yeah.

Okay.

You know what, asshole?

He goes, thank you very much.

Have a good day.

You know what?

You know what, man?

I wish I could get the Orlando Sentinel, because those people are fucking stupid out there.

These people in this town aren't that smart either, I'll tell you what.

So far, I've been having some good luck with these doofuses.

All right, here's a company that works in staff management.

They have great opportunities.

F3amazon.com fulfillment centers.

That sounds like a fun job.

I hear you get to ride bicycle.

I hear you get to ride a fucking bicycle if you work at fucking Amazon.

You know that, motherfucker?

That sounds fun.

I get a bicycle.

Bicycle machine.

Anyway, let's continue terrorizing people, companies that have put in help-wanted ads in the local newspaper, shall we?

the amazon job coming up i missed out that maybe i can call back uh uh or call a different um

bookstore where i was asking for the book titled that was fun what up nigga i just pictured smx

this is tanya can i help you whatever tanya how you doing good how are you good i'm calling about

this job you know working for amazon and stuff you know it sounds good do i get i heard you get

to ride a bicycle and bring your dog to work and stuff like that you heard what did you hear you

get to ride a bicycle and start a fulfillment center and all that and you know in that you can

i don't know anything about riding any bicycles i saw on the internet they said amazon is so

amazing in their fulfillment center there's employees that ride bicycles to get back and

forth god damn it it said huh yeah so what kind of bike is it a tricycle or bicycle or

I don't know have you have you started the application online yeah but I have some questions

and it said to call if I had questions I hope there's not a problem that I'm calling um nope

actually let me give you to Diana hang on one second oh thanks honey you know one of those

big tricycles that have the big basket in the back what do you call that bicycle it's not a

tricycle tricycle is like for a kid but this bicycle is for adults but it has three wheels

that's got to have a special name those big basket grandma bicycles we're waiting for big

Big Diana here.

This is Diana.

Can I help you?

Hey, Big Diana.

How are you doing?

Beautiful.

How are you doing?

Good.

I was calling about you have full-time positions in the Amazon computer machine department,

staff management, where I can move the shit around, put in the boxes and all that.

We have warehouse positions available.

Yeah, and I understand you get to ride a bicycle all around in the place.

That's what it said on the TV.

They said Amazon is so amazing.

and you get to ride a bicycle in the distribution warehouse, it said.

Maybe that's a different warehouse, not ours.

Well, why?

Why does it suck so bad?

Well, and if it's saying Amazon, then that's probably an Amazon commercial.

No, it was an MSNBC documentary.

Well, that was with Amazon.

That wasn't with SMX.

So you do fulfillment for Amazon and everything?

Yes.

I look good.

I got a nice body, a nice tan.

I wear sunglasses inside.

side i wear these oakley sunglasses inside and everything all the women love me and this is in

regards to an application yeah and what do you need to know so how much how many boxes i gotta

move around and all that like what do you know that i do not know i'm not down on the floor to

know that is there a man i can talk to them i know sure hold on all right honey waiting for a man to

come online here oh do do do do do do do do brown so next we'll speak in how can i help you

hey big guy how you doing pretty good i'm pretty happy that i get to talk to a man i've been

talking to a few women you know how that goes yeah i'm calling about this stupid warehouse job

that you assholes put in the newspaper okay all right so how like what am i going to be doing

and filling up, I have a sheet of paper in my hand.

I go, hey, it says here number 154,

and I go to the 154 section and I pull it down, you know?

Is that what I have to do?

You would actually use this.

All right, all right.

Now, I look handsome.

I got a nice tan.

I got good teeth, you know?

I got good teeth, good gums.

I got a good strong back, you know?

You can sire me if you want, if you have any other women there that you want me.

me i can sour you some nice little boys you know you can sell them off also okay you know i'll

sleep with any of the women there you need me to and your name is my name is eddie garcia what is

eddie garcia listen i got some secret information they're trying to unionize the the people in the

warehouse i got a list of 22 names of people who are trying to unionize there really yeah so would

Would you be interested, you know?

I'll help you out.

You help me out, I'll help you out.

I'll give you the names of the employees there that have been holding a unionization petition online.

And they had two meetings already.

They had a meeting just last night.

No, I'm not interested.

But we can stop the union, you know?

We can stop them from unionizing.

No, I'm good.

Man.

Have you ever worked here before?

No, my ex-girlfriend did.

And I started sleeping with another girl that works there.

And I got caught.

We broke up.

But I know a few of them on Facebook, and I went to the meeting and everything,

and they were like, yeah, we're going to start a union.

And they said F-U-C-K, staff management, they were saying.

They were going to put posters, not a poster, a flyer they were going to give out,

and little cards also they were going to leave around.

They said, are you tired of staff management, this, and the wages, this?

Don't you think we should make as much as they do in New Jersey?

It says and it says, you know, the benefits and the dental pro no dental in New Jersey.

There's a different company that does this kind of thing in Jersey and they make a lot more money.

They get to ride bicycles inside and everything.

Yeah. So they said if we unionize together, we all win.

That's what it says. I'm looking at a copy of it.

They're going to start giving them out there on the quiet when management isn't around.

out uh what building huh building i don't know which one i got names is what i'm telling you

sir i got all the names of the people that are going to do this to you oh you're not interested

no why not oh what

you a manager or what are you?

Yeah, I'm a manager.

Hey, come on.

I mean, I'll give you the information.

You give me a job and I'll rat these people out.

And if you want, I'll infiltrate, you know, and I'll find out.

I don't resort to those tactics.

I'll go to the bathroom and I'll hold my feet up so they don't know that I'm in there.

And I hear them talking in the men's room and the women's bathroom.

And I record it all and I write it down.

I'll give you a report every day.

So-and-so said this.

So-and-so said that.

So-and-so smokes marijuana at work.

I have got a list of five people that smoke marijuana at work.

What building?

You work with me, and I'll work with you.

Give me a day and a time I can come by, and we can have a meeting.

No, I'm not interested.

Let's go to Launch McDonald's together.

Me and you, is this not a clean line?

Is there another number I can call you at?

This isn't a clean line.

Is it being monitored and recorded?

Yeah.

Yeah, just, all right.

If there's another number I can call you at, tap the phone.

No.

If you think they're listening or are going to listen to this recording, tap the phone.

No.

All right, I'm going to, I'm just, what time you get out?

Why don't you meet me at McDonald's?

Come on, and I'll give you this list of people.

We'll talk, you know?

No, I'm not interested.

I don't, you know, I'll do stuff.

I don't suck your dick, man.

No, not interested.

I'll suck your dick, too.

No.

All right, well, bye.

I get really weird really fast.

He seemed a little interested.

If I would have given him a building, he would have been all over it.

these managements are fucked up i called telling them i'm gonna wrap people out i'm trying to get

someone that goes oh yeah really yeah oh okay yeah let's meet i think that's illegal actually

you can tell i've been watching too many documentaries on walmart in the last few days

scanning here to see if there are any more that have a phone number not seeing any i gotta make

sure they're not fax numbers i gotta read it uh drivers cdl license only two thousand dollar sign

Buy a non-bonus, get home weekly, dedicated account, equipment benefits, and more.

Roll with the best.

And it has their phone number.

Okay, cool.

I think this is the trucking company.

Hope you guys are enjoying this little shindig show I got going here.

Glad to buy a blind.

Sorry I missed last night.

Try to get this edited as soon as I can on the podcast for you guys to enjoy.

To be monitored or recorded for quality assurance purposes.

Experienced drivers, please press 1.

Owner operators, 2.

I got experience in the stupid trucks.

I go all over the place.

I've been everywhere.

I don't do meth anymore.

I'm clean and I'm safe.

I got the Lord.

I was interested in the job.

Well, we don't have stupid trucks, but we do have semi-trucks.

Yeah, that's what I meant.

Okay.

And how much experience do you have in the last three years?

No.

I'd say about 50,000 miles.

miles you know how many how many months of over the road driving do you have in the last three

years of um driving uh tractor trailer over the road 36 uh months but you've been you've been

fully employed for three years yeah driving uh over the road they're pulling me off the truck

tonight they say that you know that i'm not clean anymore and stuff i've been done i've done gone to

rehab i know the lord i read the bible while i drive and everything okay but if they're if they're

pull you off the truck then i can't bring you in either if they're taking you off the truck

it's because i'm sleeping with the boss's sister that's why okay but what are they gonna tell us

i don't know you know i don't know well how do i know i'm not a uh they're telling you they're

pulling off the truck because you're not clean anymore i'm not the damn tarot card uh woman you

know well unless i don't know what they're gonna say they'll probably say something stupid maybe

Maybe they'll tell you I'm fucking Mindy.

I don't know.

We're in love.

We're going to get married.

Okay.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, once you figure that out, then once you know what they're doing, but I mean, if they're discharging you, we can't have you accept an application.

God, yeah.

Okay.

It feels good.

Okay.

It feels good sometimes when I do that.

Okay.

I hold my breath.

I'm going to go now.

seconds it feels really good okay oh god yeah yeah that's good hello okay i guess uh-huh right

well as soon as you get everything figured out um you can apply but first you have to get that

taken care of okay and i can pop wheelies in the semi truck and everything all right well we probably

don't want you to pop wheelies in the semi truck oh you ever see a semi truck assume that this is

is like a prank call stupid woman um what and yeah stupid woman i'm gonna yeah i'm gonna pretend

this is a prank call and we're on the radio right now and i'm gonna let you go and i like to honk

the horn too i say hug hug you stupid asshole that's what i say to the people in the streets

in the highway i say you mother fucker you like that okay this is a professional line so i'm gonna

to go and answer calls so you be safe out there okay i know more of any of the other stuff i don't

take any crap from anybody you know when i'm in my semi-truck i just say you motherfucker you

she finally hung up it's a prank call that was funny okay good deal

popping wheelies yeah okay maybe i'll do this next monday this might be a kind of a fun fun

thing to bring back i'll think about it it's just i got some good sleep last night or when i got

home today rather i was nice and well rested so i'm able to stay up a little bit here a phone

number there here we go program aid aid to work with an adult with disabilities and to drive a van

Will need to provide personal care, assistance, and training.

Monday through Friday, daytime, 30 plus hours per week.

All you need is a high school diploma or GED.

Must have a valid driver's license and a clean driving record.

United Cerebral Palsy Machines.

Okay.

Should call and get the dad on the line and have him join us.

There's also a number here for a hairstylist.

We can give that a call here before we wrap things up for the afternoon.

Let's see here.

here this one here has a few a few positions open looks like hvac work general maintenance worker

with a lot of drywall experience general labor's forklift assembly warehouse supervisor a data

entry position we got plenty all right we'll do that there hang on i'm just i'm going through

them all now so i can just do them all in a row let's see this is the phone number of facts

spanish teacher must get fbi clearance this the hell it's a local school district i don't want

want to mess with them i don't want to mess with the local school district leave them alone let

them do their jobs it's more important than me fucking around with them uh in-house parts

salesperson due to continued growth we have a we're accepting applications for a full-time

parts person at our office job requires computer skills looking up parts for technicians and

customers pulling of parts and some heavy lifting okay that sounds good parts i do something sexual

about parts we also have also have instructional assistant i think that's it i think that was the

last one if i can figure this shit out god damn it i think everything else is real estate and stuff

yeah now there's more employment here's a whole nother page prized yeah a whole bunch of them

roofing mechanics wow cool plenty plenty to do here okay even the ones for sale could be promising

knowing the people in this city all right starting with number one drivers drivers experienced

drivers press one oh this is elizabeth can i help you hey how are you doing beautiful i was calling

i'm doing fun oh that's good honey baby i was calling about this driving job you have yeah

we're looking for over the road drivers home every other weekend then i get um every i get i get to

eat my chicken and the truck and everything oh okay yeah and um i've also got teams wanted there

and then we've got a northeast region wanting some drivers for that area i have a pet so what

What are you looking for?

I have a pet chicken also.

Oh, my gosh.

On a truck?

He sits on my lap, and he's my little chicken.

I pet him on the head.

Yeah, I'm going to eat him one day.

Okay, okay.

Well, how much of the ride experience have you had the past three years?

Three years.

I've been working three years the whole time.

Tractor trailer?

Yeah.

And then I had sex with my boss's sister, and they got mad.

Oh, I see.

I was porking her, you know.

I was having sex with her.

Okay, you can spare me the details, okay?

She went down on me inside the office, and then I pulled her.

Sir, are you interested in a job, or you just want to talk dirty?

What's the deal?

No, I am.

I'm just letting you know what they're going to tell you, why they let me go.

They pulled me off the truck.

Well, I mean, I can deal with that information.

Tell me what you're looking for and how I can help you.

I'm looking for the office, you know.

i can pull her panties down right there oh shit pull her panties down all right that was that was

fun okay i'll leave them alone anyway here is the uh program aid to work with a cerebral palsy

all right let's do it give me a give me a fucking second here i'm so mean i'm just start i start

saying hey honey baby sweetie i like from the beginning these are all women i work in offices

isn't shit some guys already hey honey baby they're like whatever good afternoon alternatives

this is melissa hey big melissa how are you doing sweetie honey baby i'm okay oh good i was looking

for fred over there he was talking to me about getting this job to work with these stupid people

he was working me getting a job working with these stupid people stupid people yes can i ask

calling this is eddie eddie cross i had talked about getting an interview with fred before he

said to call back with some more info i have more information on the stupid people i used to work

with um you know i i don't think that that's going to work out if you're calling here and

talking to calling these people stupid now put a man on the phone here honey i don't know he's

not here right now i don't need to talk to any women over there okay he's not here right now

have a good day bitch very rude and mean and nasty how dare i call cerebral palsy people stupid

people she just had her mouth open wide open the whole time excuse me stupid people we don't have

any stupid people all right well let me prepare the next one while we see if milkman connects

this is the company that had a whole bunch of different ones available the air conditioning

Stationing, repair, general maintenance, drywall stuff, forklift, assembly, yada, yada, yada.

Let's try that, guys.

Probably will be wrapping up here soon at some point.

I'm getting a little burned out.

Just fun to come on and do some pranks real quick.

This isn't a full Madhouse show production.

It's just a middle-of-the-day thing.

I'll try to do more of them for sure.

Thank you for calling on Catexican.

How can I help you?

Oh, hey, Sexy.

How you doing?

Excuse me?

Hey, Sexy.

How you doing, honey?

Oh, shit.

She sounded Puerto Rican.

Thank you for calling REM.

How can I help you?

Yes, hello.

This is REM looking about the job that you have in the papers.

Oh, yeah.

Can you please hold?

Okay, honey.

I'm satisfied with our service.

REM, see you in just a moment.

REM, Jorge speaking.

Hey, Jorge.

¿Cómo estás?

Bien.

Oh, good.

I'm calling about working REM staffing.

You have forklift, assembly jobs, and all that?

Yes, I do.

Oh, so what do I need to do?

I come in, and do I do a drug test there?

somewhere else are you registered here go okay registered did you have an application here oh i

want to do i want to do the application you know okay you have to come then tomorrow already because

we already closed oh i'm sorry honey baby so then you do drug testing there or do i take it somewhere

um no we do the drug test here oh you do and i go pp right there in the cup and all that or how

How do you do it?

No, you don't need to.

No?

How do you do drug tests?

A mouth swab.

A mouth swab?

Mm-hmm.

All right.

So how long does it take the marijuana to get out?

I think it's like three weeks.

I don't know.

So maybe I should wait.

If I last have money.

What do you, we don't do a drug test with the interviewer.

Okay, but when you do the drug test, it's the mouth swab?

Yes.

And that lasts longer than the urination, right?

It takes longer?

I don't know.

Can you look it up?

can you find out and see how long it takes just come to the application first and then we'll talk

about the other stuff yeah but i want to make sure i got enough time to pass the drug test

because i smoke marijuana sometimes you know what's your name is eddie eddie uh-huh eddie

eddie garcia eddie garcia uh-huh i'm from miami from miami i came from cuba originally i was a

marielita you know i came on the boats in the 80s i was 10 years old okay but sometimes yeah i give

I party, you know, and then, you know, my friend, he came back from the army and then we had some marijuana.

We were smoking, but I want to make sure, you know, maybe I should wait like at least a week, right?

That I don't know.

Do you think it'd be safe if I wait like three weeks and then I call, then I do application just to give myself enough time, you know, for it to get out of my system?

Because I got really high.

I smoked a lot of marijuana and I started driving and drinking.

Yeah, no, that's not a good thing.

then i'll wait i wait to make sure that gets i had a lot of sex without a condom too

last night i had sex without a condom with this married woman i was like yeah

like that i fuck her you know so maybe i wait do you check for the the stuff like that you know

like herpes and stuff no we don't okay okay but i wait i should get that checked out too right

that was a bad idea probably yeah i'm thinking maybe i'm gonna pick her up and i'm gonna take

take her to the pharmacy, and we'll get the Plan B, you know?

Yeah.

They say Plan B, the Plan B, the pill, so she doesn't get pregnant, you know?

I think I should do that.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Okay, I'll let you know how it goes, Jorge.

All right.

Okay, and then three weeks, then I should have no more marijuana,

as long as I don't touch marijuana for three weeks.

Unless you continue partying, that's what you do.

No, no, no, because I had too much partying, you know?

Too much partying, too much drinking.

I threw up and everything.

thing and i had like five marihuana cigarettes what's your name again eddie eddie what do i know

you from i don't know do i know you know i don't think so no i just got here like two years ago

probably not and who gave you my number the newspaper oh okay got it yeah okay all right

well you know after i start do you check again you know uh it depends if um we send you to a

companies that run um random tests then yes oh man that's hard you know that's hard yeah and

it's always mouth swab i gotta look up this mouse i think it's a way i think if i put like uh a penny

in your mouth i think you can you can pass the mouth swab yeah if you put like pennies in your

mouth when you do it yeah i'm gonna look it up it's on youtube this guy said how to be any mouth

mouth swab and they sell a special mouthwash you can use yeah okay i'll let you i'll i'm gonna as

soon as i find out or if i find this special mouthwash they sell it at the bodybuilding you

know gnc they sell it there it's called detox mouth detox cleanse for mouth cheeks it says for

cheek swab that's what you do right cheek swab drug test pass is i'm looking at the box here

Here it says, pass any cheek swab drug test.

Take this mouthwash for 30 seconds.

Gargle and rinse your mouth 30 seconds.

No more than 60 minutes prior to having a cheek swab drug test.

This will allow you to pass any alcohol, marijuana, opioid, PCP, cannabinoid, cocaine,

and other commonly tested for substances.

substances it says here and how much is that it's i'm looking i'm i'm at the marijuana store

right now the whether you buy the pipes out you know yes and then i don't i gotta i think it's

like 30 for uh some of them it's it's enough i think it's it says 10 ounces of the mouthwash

so i could use that a few i'll just keep it on me at work you know and they say hey

you know cheeks well would you let me do my mouthwash right there before you do the test

No, no, no.

Oh, come on.

No, we can't do that.

Can I use the bathroom before I do a cheek swab?

We don't have one here.

Oh, come on.

For the public.

But I'm no public anymore that I'm interviewing, you know?

No.

Okay.

All right, then I'll do it in the car before I come in.

I'm going to buy this.

I'm going to come by, okay?

Tomorrow, you said, right?

Okay, buddy.

All right, bye.

Bye.

All right, cool.

He got some enjoyment out of that.

Oh, shit.

shit uh milkman reporting breaking news he's still talking to his mama to his mama so we gotta

we can't talk to him yet well milkman hurry up man because i'm gonna gonna wrap this up pretty

soon sir okay what's next the uh parts private parts yeah emg mg whatever there is no no bathroom

for public there fuck i'm gonna ask a bunch of technical questions about the drug test how can

and i passed it fucking cheek swab right what the fuck's that this is joy hey big joy how are you

sweetie i'm fine how are you i'm good i was calling about this job application for uh parts touching

the parts and showing your parts okay okay uh-huh so are you accepting interviews or what are you

doing god damn it you can fill out an application online um or we have applications here to fill out

Do I have to pass a drug test?

Yes.

Okay.

How long does it take the marijuana to get out of my system?

That I don't know.

Yeah, maybe like three weeks, you think?

That I don't know.

You'd have to ask your physician that.

Okay.

So if I were to get, let's say, if my application looked good and I would expect to have an interview and an offer maybe within a week, let's say?

I don't know.

I don't handle that.

I can let you put a voicemail through to the individual that's handling that, if you'd like.

What does online mean?

What do you mean by that?

Going online on the web, on your computer.

What web?

On the Internet, on the computer.

On the computer phone, the computer machine?

Yes, the PC, or you can do it on your phone.

Oh, the computer machine?

Yes.

Do you have a computer machine I can use there?

Because I don't have one.

No, we don't.

A lot of times, local public libraries have them that you can use.

Well, because I was looking at adult material in the public library on the computer machine,

and they have my picture there, and they said no.

It says no, like that N-O Internet Computer Machine, it says.

Okay.

Yeah, then that's...

Other than that, I don't have any other suggestions.

Where's the library at?

It depends where you're located.

Can you hold on one second, please?

How can I get there?

Hold on one second.

Okay.

Hey, Kevin, can he call you right back?

I can't see someone in his office.

He's an asshole.

The wrong person.

She thought it was someone else.

The website now offers our clients screens to submit service calls and parts orders directly to their servicing branch.

Please visit our website.

Hello.

There she hung up.

She thought I was Kevin.

He's an asshole.

This is Joy.

Hey, Joy.

How are you?

I'm fine.

What can I do for you?

Who was it Kevin's trying to get a hold of?

I'm sorry, who did you want?

Well, you were going to find out some information for me, you know,

and then you thought I was Kevin.

You messed up on your job.

You made a mistake.

You said, oh, Kevin, hey, Kevin, he's busy right now.

Can he call you back?

I was like, stupid.

Sir, if you want to fill out an application, you need to go online and do that.

Yeah, but why did you mess up and call me Kevin?

Why did you think I was Kevin?

You're not good at your job?

You made a mistake, right?

You made a mistake at your job?

You know what?

Sir, have a good day.

Thank you.

You're stupid.

Okay.

You're stupid.

He's an asshole.

All right.

Instructional assistant here.

I don't know what the hell that means.

Let's call it.

Son of a bitch.

Hello.

You have reached the Cumberland area.

You are being transferred to...

Jeff and McGrath.

That's the wrong one.

Extension.

Fuck.

Try it again.

vocational technical school we are operating you are being transferred to frank flamini frank

Frank Chlamydia.

No, it's good services.

Is this Frank Chlamydia?

Yes, it is.

Okay.

I'm calling, you know, I'm looking at this thing.

It says instructional assistant and the job wanted.

Yeah.

And what is that supposed to mean?

It doesn't give me information.

It's pretty stupid.

Like, what are you looking for exactly?

Who am I speaking to?

This is Eddie.

How are you?

Hi, Eddie.

So you're interested in some more information on that position?

Well, yeah, because all you put in here is two words, instructional assistant.

How the hell am I supposed to know what that means?

I don't have time for that.

I'm trying to find work, and I have to be going through this thing like,

oh, what's that mean?

What's this?

So what do I do?

It's pretty stupid just to put two words in here.

Okay, so let me ask you a question there.

So right now, all right, so you're looking for employment.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, but you're not making a very good impression right now.

Well, I'm a little frustrated with getting the runaround and ads that don't explain everything correctly and bad grammar.

You know, and this here is instructional, assisted, and bold.

That's it.

You know, it's bullshit.

And what else does it say?

And it says Cumberland Perry in the name of the company.

Like, who cares?

And you're really, you're calling me up for more information to possibly interview you for a job.

Well, you put the phone number here in your extension.

I don't think it's a problem to call.

Right, but normally when you call up somebody looking for employment,

you should present yourself in a bit more of a professional manner.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, pardon me.

Oh, let's string me up and crucify me.

Let's nail me to the cross.

Are you truly serious that you're looking for work for nine months

and my state unemployment benefits are about to run out?

I can't find any work, and I look in the paper, and I see this stupidity.

Because you have absolutely no chance of getting this job.

Come on.

No, it's equal opportunity.

I can get you in big trouble.

I know Bob Morton and the news solvers.

Well, you can call whoever you want, but, you know, if you're going to call up an employer

and say that our job advertising is stupid, that's not a real problem.

No, what would you call it then?

Instructional assistant.

I'm a mother fucker.

Do, do, do.

Right, and it refers you to our website.

Tell me about Big Latina Ass.

Yeah, the board set has a bunch of stuff.

It doesn't talk about this.

You tell me.

You sell me on this.

Come on.

You're running out of time.

Well, I'm not going to sell you on anything, but I wish you well in your future.

I'll suck your dick.

That guy still sees it.

He's incredulous.

I can't believe it.

And a sneak in a suck your dick there at the end.

Awesome.

All right, hairstylist.

Speaking of sucking dicks, here's the job for a hairstylist, full-time or part-time.

Okay.

Okay, what else is there?

Tricks of trade.

Tricks of trade must have experience with clientele.

Okay, cool.

And it looks like we got two cell phone numbers that they left here.

So let's call them.

That is stupid.

Stupid job ad.

Instructional assistant, that's all you get.

Motherfucker.

Hi, this is Beverly from Tricks of the Trade Salon.

Please leave your name and number.

Hang on, I'll try again.

It does sound like prostitution.

I got a point.

Tricks of the Trade.

Tricks of the trade.

I get it now.

Anyway, I got big plans for dinner tonight, you know, for the old lady.

Keep her happy.

Well, I hope you guys had a good weekend, you know.

I'm just trying to shoot the shit here while I look for a few more numbers before I wrap it up.

Everything else here, we got a lot of dogs for sale or for giveaway.

Yeah, we did all the numbers in this week's Sunday paper.

I thought I said that I had another page.

Here we go.

There's a few here.

Job fairs.

This one says no phone calls, please.

no phone number there. Fax resume. That's not it. Loan specialist. No phone number. That's a fax

number. Fax number. Here we go. Call Robin on this one. We got on-site. Let me circle it,

because I'll lose it. On-site reps. I actually go through. When I get a good one, I put a star

next to it. If I get an okay one, I put a slash. And if it was crap, I just exit out. It helps me

me figure out what i'm going to edit out anyway on-site reps bath fitter and kitchen saver are

expanding in need of a few good reps to work out our area's malls that sounds kind of fun also work

in flea markets and trade shows experience is a plus but not required we are willing to train the

right candidate willingness to learn outgoing personality and an overall people person who is

goal-oriented and professional is our prime candidate dependability is a must for more

details or to schedule an interview please speak with robin at the following number

okay let's do it what's up ted ted's showing some love in the chat room we love you too ted

thanks for letting us on blue planet and thank you to everyone who's listening us today

on blue planet radio i guess it's evening over there in europe where he gets a lot of listeners

out of i still say here the best internet radio station for prank calls is ted's blue planet

PlanetPrankRadio.

It's got the best rotation.

That's a fact.

You can take that to the bank.

That came from me.

You've reached Robin Landis with BassFitter.

All right, let me try it again.

Well, this is cool, you know.

Our UK listeners are enjoying this.

Nice early show.

Definitely should do one of these.

You've reached Robin Landis with BassFitter.

We've got no answer there.

Let me X that out.

That did not go down.

Let me change it out of MF Doom.

Maybe we'll play some Gorillas.

Actually, no.

Deltron.

A little bit of Deltron.

All right, office personnel, no number.

Mortgage loan originator, no number.

Here we got call.

We got a certified reefer.

We're looking for a certified reefer mechanic.

Excellent.

I don't know exactly what to do with that one.

Reefer mechanic for a local dairy.

Must have refrigerator experience, class 7 with a 608 license and a class A CDL.

Seeking full-time position with flexible hours.

benefits include a company cell phone competitive roe rate company match 401k and holiday and

vacation pay please call you can also dial one one one moment this is erica can i help you hey

big girl i want to talk to someone about the stupid job in the newspaper okay who would that

be that would be me that's good so you need to have all these licenses in order and i have all

all my papers i'm a good old boy i got all my stuff okay you have a class b or class a yep all

of those okay and then uh have you been using your cdo for at least two years three years honey

three years okay now i only work with a good firm and i need good respirators and a good firm

and i gotta have the breathers and all that because that's that concrete stuff that shit

makes you itch you know okay and uh you can either come here and oh god oh hang on hey i

gotta pass gas all right cool call them back you've reached erica i'm away from my desk right

now please give me a name and number and i will return your calls fuck it fuck it okay uh do do

do do no number that's a fax number that's a fax number here's the director of nursing

no phone number expanded dental assistant no number and no number the we got two left here

hang on okay farugio's express what the fuck is this owner operators and company drivers seeking

the best home every night full and part-time intermodal work available must have two years

verifiable tractor trailer exp good man i like being a home so i can pork my old lady you know

So I'm going to tell him or her who picks up.

Been having a good show.

Some pretty fun calls.

Something different.

Harkening back to Madhouse circa 2008, 2009 when we did a lot of calls like this.

Love it.

Missed it.

EMG the Torrent.

I was talking to that kid the other day.

Health Incorporated.

Yeah.

I see you got here for some drivers.

The business is available, honey.

You know, you got.

Are you looking for a driving job?

Yeah.

You know, this is a newspaper.

Papers, you know?

I like that, yeah.

Okay, can you hold on one second for me?

Okay, who am I going to talk to, you or someone else?

You can talk to me, but just can you hold on one second?

Oh, okay.

We are looking for drivers out of our New Jersey terminal.

It's located in Cliffwood, New Jersey.

Oh, that's nice.

That's nice.

And then it says I can be home every week?

Yes.

All you're doing is driving to and from the piers and rail yards to drop off and pick up containers, so you're home daily.

That's good, because I can go home and I can be with my wife, you know?

yes sir and sleep it's going to be a company driver or an owner operator i can sleep in the

bed with her and kiss her and hug her and say i love you baby girl love you baby honey baby it

sounds like you have a child back there kid i do yes sir that means you like to have sex too right

you know what i mean it takes two it takes two to tango i'm talking about the job not about my

personal life oh damn but do you i'd love waking up in the morning and having a girl right there

you know and smelling her hair and everything you know are you interested in the job or no yeah

because it's going to give me the opportunity to wake up every morning have a beautiful girl next

to me in my bed instead of in my truck like i do sometimes now okay are you looking to be a company

driver or an owner operator company driver i want to be with you wherever wherever you are you the

owner of your lady sir i'm not talking about myself oh is your husband the owner i'm at work

work um so this is dealing with work i lost i got kicked out of my last driving job because i was

sleeping with the owner's sister i had sex with her in the office like she was uh touching me

and kissing me and stuff she couldn't okay i'm gonna hang up now okay thank you for calling

keep her hands off me because i'm puerto rican yeah man sloth you're right people with kids have

have had sex that's what it means sloth very sloth is on the ball here love you sloth bands

good to see you bro i thought you were working today good to see you in here we got a pretty

good crowd in here for being a last minute afternoon thing middle of the week well beginning

of the week pretty happy how this has turned out okay uh anyway here uh family-owned uh parts

transportation i think this is the same company no it's not okay yeah this this one does have

They're looking for people to drive parts from a Napa auto center.

So probably driving around town, dropping them off at mechanics and dealerships and stuff like that, I guess.

Or vice versa, actually.

Probably pick them up.

I've got to ask Aaron.

He's in that business.

Car repair.

I'm pretty sure they've got all those parts places, got little services where they'll deliver the parts out to you.

Instead of your mechanic, if you're a mechanic.

I think that's how it works.

so if you're a mechanic you get a shop and you need a part you find where they got it or whatever

you know you don't want to have to stop everything get in the truck and go out and get it for what i

remember all those mechanics they all the big parts places and and the like the honda dealerships

and stuff like that they deliver the parts you just call them and say hey i need xxx part and

the next time they're in the area they uh they do it kind of like the ups guy i think that's how it

works i don't know i'm babbling i think milkman was trying to call and i just ran out of numbers

Come on, Milkman, answer.

Answer, little monkey Milkman.

I see Dirty Aaron's on Skype right now.

He could tell us.

Hey, monkey, how are you?

Hey, what's happening?

Hey, monito.

Carefully, carefully.

I just, I felt bad about last night, you know.

I couldn't make it, so I jumped on today.

I got a copy of the Sunday paper.

Oh, okay.

You know, remember how I used to do is to go through the Sunday paper

and call all the job wanted and prank call?

Yeah, man, it's time to go shopping.

yeah job shopping so i've done that dude i'm like tired already and i'm out of numbers to do

and you finally got on damn it man how's your mom she all right everything good oh yeah you know

normal maintenance things you gotta do you know how it is man maintenance yeah you gotta shave

down there yeah you gotta you know you gotta do that pop the pimples and shave down there and

you know change down there hey do you ever do you ever put some uh aftershave down there i do

sometimes you know where yeah down on the ball and the boys you know ever slap oh yeah i reckon

man you take a great big like like puddle of it and then like just splash it right over top of

the whole thing man because like you talk about very very um stimulating you know it's wonderful

man i just put it in a in like a little salad bowl i feel i fill it up with with old spice

and then i put it on the bathroom yeah yeah i put it on the bathroom floor and right after i take a

shower in the middle of the bathroom floor i just i squat over and i just you know dip them balls

in there a little bit yeah man when you're really sleepy dude you know you're coming out of shower

you just want like a brisk aftershave effect you know oh yeah you know you couldn't beat that yeah

but you could i save it i say it's about it takes about three or four bottles of old spice to fill

of the ball but i save all that put in a container and i i save it that's the spice part right or is

that the old part which part no the old spice stays good for a while you you can save it it's

good for a few months you know you can dip your balls in it a few times but after a while it gets

all cloudy you know then you got to dump it out and get some new old spice what happens like if

you get near heat will they catch on fire oh yeah yeah yeah you can't oh they are spontaneous

Simultaneous combustion is always a consideration.

Yeah, because I like to smoke cigarettes when I'm naked still, when I'm getting dressed.

So I've got to be careful.

Well, what about if you've got a cigar, man?

You've got it down there by your other cigar, man.

And then you've got, like, you know, wafted fumes of aromatics of old spice.

That turns me on.

Because I like a possible combustion hazard.

Yeah, it turns me on now.

Hey, I know you say you don't want anyone on, but can I put Aaron on real quick?

quick because i have a question about car parts to ask him can i put them on please

hey aaron hey what the fuck's going on hey so let me you work at a at a dealership at a

car shop right like a repair is that what you do uh no i'm uh um i i lease condos for a living

oh fuck i thought you yes i work in the automotive shop all right so do you have like a deal with the

The parts guys that they come by once a day to drop off parts, is that how it works?

How does that work, man?

Yeah, basically, you know, you don't know what you need until you fix the car,

and then you call them, and they show up, and there's different vendors.

You know, you got, you know, different parts stores bring different things.

Yeah, okay.

But if you work at, like, a dealership, like, they only have, like,

they're supposed to have the parts, like, already there.

For Ford.

Like, if you need a Ford part, you can pretty much call the Ford dealership,

and if they don't have it, they can get it from another one in the network, I guess.

or like a warehouse like the next day or something okay okay okay so like in theory the ford guy you

would call the ford guy and he'd come by on his run like a ups guy and drop off whatever part you

need yeah does he charge you guys do you know for that service when he comes out and shit not

usually but you can't they won't deliver like a five dollar part if you have like a five hundred

dollar order they'll bring it but they're not gonna bring like one spark plug over yeah yeah

okay i got you i got you i got you that's i just knew i knew there was something up with that i

I just was wondering how that worked.

That's cool.

So did you get my messages based on your other account?

I might have.

What were they about?

So I put an ad on Craigslist in LA, and I got a Skype number in LA for like a free 40-inch

flat screen TV.

Oh, shit.

And I have like 25 numbers to call back.

So I sent a bunch of them to Just Cross.

i might be able to forward you the emails because i get an email from skype every time

yeah i get it i can forward those to uh madhouse or something like that and you can just click on

them and call from there and like for a quick you should send it to madhouse.producer at gmail.com

fuck okay yeah that'll always that ties into my skype even it drops them right in here i can just

click them yeah no one really knows about that one though that's that's what the request to

prank goes to is madhouse.producer yeah um but i should do like a request at madhouse live.com

for everybody i could just give that out too you know and just have it forward to whatever i'm

gonna i'm gonna do that oh but milkman we can't make it in new accounts can we fuck

ah shit yeah milkman well how is that working now you gotta pay for him now you gotta pay for

him now fuck that yeah we can't just make uh there's a few accounts out there like i said i

I don't know if they ever took the email from him or not.

But when I tried to admin it, I wasn't able to do any adminning.

So I don't know.

I remember I signed the last few accounts out.

And then, what was it, like less than 90 days later, they changed their policy.

No more free accounts.

Yeah.

I wonder if requests, I think we made requests, though.

I think we already had that one.

I've got to check.

I hope I did.

There's a few of them out there.

And I could look at the list again.

I had the list.

I don't remember.

But most of the guys got one.

i don't think i don't use them that much yeah i know tabachi uses his a lot tabachi kokanee

i think that's all we got new news guy when he doesn't use it yeah anyway yeah there's several

up there um let's see lonesome's got like two i think he's got two um uh who's the other people

there's some other people on there too probably don't use them but i mean shit all right aaron

did you send that or i was getting ready to to wrap up here but i'll do a few i'm working on it

I'm trying to – I'm seeing if I can forward.

It says right now that I have 28 voice messages.

Oh, shit, from people trying to get – fuck.

A free 40-inch flat screen.

I talked to one guy.

So I tried a couple of the calls, but a couple of them were just taking so long because half the people didn't speak good English or they just wanted to come right over, and I had to talk them back, talk them out of that.

This was in L.A., you said, right?

Yeah, in L.A., Sun Valley, I posted.

So I posted in the –

Sun Valley, oh.

oh is that like i posted to just cross yeah uh it's in san bernardo valley right basically

yeah it's kind of like northish if i'm thinking right man it's out there like on the edge of

where it's hot man yeah it's kind of edge of where it's hot getting closer to ontario

up in that neighborhood up fucking gets blazing up there man so yeah it's kind of hot right in

there so the uh uh wait a minute do you mean temperature wise or just like it's

is there like hot women or do they have like sex uh i was thinking more temperature wise i

there's always hot in la everywhere you go i mean that's what given dude you're gonna see

tons of uh latinas everywhere dude it's just hopping man and every other color and shade in

between man yeah la is cooking you know i think i i think i can get that from you aaron i'm gonna

send it so i sent i sent some yeah i see you signed in and just cross but uh so i sent i

I forwarded like 10, but it's kind of a pain in the ass to copy out of Skype.

Yeah, whatever you send to that one Skype, I can copy it at least.

I can get that pretty sure.

Copy selection.

All right, and then I'll forward that to the show one.

All right, well, let me work on this.

Let me get it over.

If I'm going to do more pranks, I've got to get some water.

I'm thirsty.

I'm going to play something real quick.

You can hang on if you want.

Milkman, can you hang on, Milkman?

I've got to get something to drink real quick.

I'm parched.

Yeah, get something to drink, man.

Then we'll do a few more things.

I'm just going to forward these to madhouse.producer at Gmail.

Is that right?

Yeah, that's good too.

Yep.

Okay.

All right, I'm going to mute for a bit.

All right, cool.

I'll be right back, guys.

Let me find a prank to play first, of course.

Did you hear my amazing broadcasting skills on?

What was that?

That just freaked me out.

I heard that like at 6 in the morning.

I was like, ew.

Yeah, I don't know.

What happened was that I had a friend over,

and he was trying to log into the chat on his iPad.

ipad and uh like i don't know it it taxed my router okay and then it shut down the whole show

well then i think my the encoder was kept trying to re-kick the stream because i had it on automatic

kick if it kicks off yeah after 15 seconds so it just kept looping for like two minutes whatever i

was saying and then the music i was playing it was uh quite awesome yeah it was in a michael

jackson or something i think i don't know that that's the weird part is that i was not playing

michael jackson i think that rbcp was playing michael jackson and somehow we merged the stream

and it was uh you know you know what happens when you cross streams yeah i think that's what

happened the streams got crossed because it's like it's the billy jean beat and it's you saying

uh what is it what do you say problem solved because i fixed something and i was really

fucking proud of myself for being an internet scientist it sounded creepy holy shit yeah yeah

Yeah, but I heard that it's on Facebook.

Everyone check that out.

Brent posted it on his Facebook.

Kind of disturbing.

I got one call that he did a couple months ago

where the guy recorded on his outgoing message greeting,

and he's like,

What the fuck was that, dude?

That was some fucking stupid shit.

That was the bunk bed guy.

The bunk bed guy.

What a retard you guys called, man.

Yeah.

I'm still skimming here for a good practical.

Let's listen to the play.

here's one more this is one i was listening to recently that cracked me up this is kdk being

prank called by dr lego i'll play that and then there's a different call here uh which is a blast

from the past one of milkman's favorite we'll play a little bit of that whilst i get something

to drink i'll be right back and we'll do some more pranks thank you in just a moment

And that's a favorite of Milkman's.

That one's the Prankmaster Gangbang Milkman.

That one goes out for you.

i know you love it oh it gets better every time you listen to it man i swear

on the town all right let's check that email have you heard anything from deeters mcpeters

ben uh i told you to call him because he was supposedly he's in another country dude and

they don't have to take phone calls and shit you gotta skype him hold on he didn't get an

answering shit he keeps sending me voice messages on skype flicking me off and showing me his ass

cheeks and stuff he like moons the camera on the phone and oh really yeah he's doing he keeps

doing that at random it's just so weird he thinks it's funny yeah i don't know i don't know he got

to a big fight with that wife of his are they married now or what happened i don't even know

what's going on man yeah they're married they're married did we lose the brent drop off aaron

and dropped out but he left those numbers i got him here numbers

of people calling back uh i'm guessing what is it aaron says he put a ad for

a free 40 inch tv he said right do we still have the one where katie gay is um interviewing

frank master and busting about that whole thing i should have yeah that's where katie

gets him to admit all the shit yeah i can play that that's always fun is frank master still

two around these days man i haven't seen that little shit in a long time well he's a fucking

big old shit it's major chaos get it right but yeah he's around he's on skype a lot he comes in

he comes on and off and he's on facebook yeah he's around he's got a new persona he's major

chaos now he's ultra cool that's right he was a genetic mutation mutilation yeah

engine some shit yeah you're calling about my 40 inch tv um what about it were you interested in

coming and getting it yeah yeah i think so yes i think i'm trying to remember i don't know if it

was me or my friend who uh got uh back to you about that oh is he your partner do you kiss him

and touch him hey uh i'm driving right now can i call you back in like five minutes why was you

scared am i what i can barely hear you and i'm driving a stick shift it's just uh difficult

No TV.

No TV for you.

He's driving a stick shift.

Yeah, I guess that would suck driving a stick shift.

I bet he's driving a stick shift.

Somebody drive a stick shift right up.

He's sitting down on the stick shift, and he's driving it with his ass.

Hey.

You go.

Kip, here's.

Yeah, he's got it all lubed up.

The ass is all arm roll.

He's got arm roll on his asshole.

Clear Eye for the Brown.

Whatever the hell that show is.

Is that show still on, man?

Clear Eye for the Straight Guy?

guy the brown eye brown eye brown eye for the straight guy no it's i don't think so i don't

think it's been on for a few years i remember when i first came out i actually watched it i was like

guys this is fucking it was funny to watch they were so gay but they would make fun of like they

would go to the house at first and they'd make fun of the fucking people the uk one too yeah i

never saw a uk one that's that's the one they started getting with new new man they're making

Hey, how are you?

Yeah, I put an ad for free TV and you call me back.

I put an ad in Craigslist for a free TV machine and you called back.

You were the first person to call back, asshole.

You were the first person to call back on the TV.

Oh, TV. Did you call me on the TV?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, maybe I did call you back.

Oh, you don't remember?

Is it Flash TV?

You're stupid? Yeah.

Why are you saying you're stupid?

You're probably an asshole. What are you saying?

I'm talking about the TV, honey.

It's a plasma.

No, I don't want it. Okay, bye.

It's plasma.

Asshole.

You changed your mind rather abruptly.

Hermano.

Imagine.

Hey, Aaron, asshole.

Hey, fucker.

All right, we already got a stick shift driver and an asshole.

All right, awesome.

awesome all right yeah some of those might be the of the emails and the ones i sent you on the

on the skype might be duplicates because i just did like a forward all okay all right well i'm

just knocking them down from the top down fuck it you know fuck it man you know fuck it all right

for some reason my skype plugin on chrome stopped working i had the same problem it was crashing my

chrome it's not doing it now it's opening them up in google voice oh they just had an update like

Like on the 5th.

Maybe that's why.

I got to check it.

Hi, I can't come to the phone, but leave your name and number and I will get back to you.

Whatever.

Oh, I hung up on everybody.

Whoops.

I'm so stupid.

Sorry, I did the hang up on all.

Hang up on all.

I did that like three times on Saturday.

I hate it when I do that.

God.

Yeah.

It might be a good thing to just kind of clear stuff up, you know, clearing out the pipes.

Get some frequency grease in there, right, Milkman?

That's right.

Love what you just got.

Hi, I can't come to the phone, but leave your name and number, and I will get back to you, or you can try texting.

Skype grease.

Okay.

Here's the next one.

Yeah, these people are all at work because they're poor, and they can't get it by their own TV, so.

Yeah, looking for.

It's too bad.

Some of the voicemails are hilarious.

I should tell them they just need to transport it from A to B.

Well, it's going to be stuff with some.

Hey, I left an ad for these free TV, 40-inch TV, and you'll call back?

He's bringing a little closer than that for us.

I left an ad for a free 40-inch TV.

You were the first person to call back.

Good for you.

42-inch, you say?

Yeah, yeah.

You just got to come pick it up.

Do you have a truck to pick it up with?

Yes, I do.

For 42-inch, do you have a stand or without the stand?

It has a stand that comes with it.

It's perfect.

No pixels are blown on it.

It's only two months old.

You know?

It's got a minor wear and tear, but here.

So you're going to pick it up here, and I need you to drive it to Long Beach,

and someone's going to pick it up and get some stuff out from the inside of it,

and then they're going to bring it back, put it back together, and it's all yours.

You take it.

If you say it, I come, you say you're in Long Beach, I come to Long Beach, you pick it up?

No, no, you pick it up over here at my place, and then you'll drive it to Long Beach,

to Lysol's place, and then he's going to take it real quick for about five minutes.

He's going to pull some stuff out of it

And put it back together

Make sure it turns on

And gives it back

And is yours to keep

Okay, where are you located?

Where am I located at?

We're moving in there from

I don't know where you wanted to come

To pick it up from

Exactly

You know San Fernando Valley?

You know where that is?

Over in Wai'anape?

I've come to Long Beach

You said you would

Like come to Austin

Or go to your city again?

Yeah

Yeah, you could pick it up

And you need to take it to Long Beach

or I might have you take it to Rosecrans.

Okay.

Just take me to the address where you're at now.

Let me take it from there.

Oh, shit.

Let me look it up on my cell phone because I have a GPS, you know?

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Because do you know who you're going to drop it off over at Lysol's place, you know?

He's got a warehouse out there in Long Beach, and I'll give you that address,

and then he's just going to take it inside.

He's going to open it up and pull the stuff out of there.

And then he'll come back and say, all right, homie.

And, you know, he'll put it back in your truck and everything for you.

And then you, you know, you drive it.

You can take it to your house at that point.

You just got to make the drop first, you know?

Well, okay.

Give me your address where you are now.

You can text it to me or email me your address.

I can give it to you.

I mean, do you want to write it down or?

Give me the zip code.

I'm going to navigate it.

I need a zip code and an exact number address.

All right.

It's 2565?

2565?

West 6th Street.

2565 West 6th Street?

Yeah.

And it's Deep Marketing.

Deep Marketing.

That's where I'm at.

Yeah, that's the front.

And we'll pull it out of the warehouse.

We'll pull it out.

What city?

It's in L.A.

Yeah.

Oh, you call it downtown right there?

yeah yeah over in west lake over by what you know west lake area kind of central la you know

okay yeah okay i'm gonna call you i'm gonna call you i'm on my way all right but look so you don't

have a problem taking it to the warehouse on long beach and letting them take the tv and take some

they're going to open it up and take the the pills out of it okay yeah i'm okay it's for my

it's for my sister i'm an actor but i'm the one picking it up or whatever all right so i mean you

understand what i'm saying i'm stuffing a full of illegal stuff and i'm gonna have you drive it to

long beach yeah take the tv to another stop like you say yeah yeah so they can fix it yeah that's

what that's the ticket okay all right all right about an hour let me talk to her okay no problem

i'll tell her what the situation and uh yeah i'll talk to you soon all right cool would she be

interested in a flight to brazil like all expenses paid also she just has to go from brazil she just

has to take a flight to germany and she needs to take some stuff for her you know we'll have some

of our guys tape it on her body and she flies to germany she can come back and we'll pay a hotel

and food and everything she can put a condom inside of her vagina and take the plane flight

from brazil to germany to frankfurt yeah and her pussy and her vagina that's for later that's for

for later you're gonna pay for that that's for later that's for later i'll let you know let's

do the tv thing first all right all right okay he's all game about being his fucking mule what

the fuck he's like oh yeah whatever i get down holy shit dude i think i think he let you put

some in the backside dude you wouldn't need the woman through god he's like oh i'll do it i'll put

in my ass i'll put the mescaline in my ass shit oh my seriously he's all game about taking a tv

full of drugs and characters volunteering he's like yeah yeah i get it i get it man i just want

the tv fuck it i don't care that's your business it was really funny how he how he said oh yeah

yeah i get it take tv there it needs fixed it needs fixed it needs space like yeah that's

That's the ticket.

This guy's got worked out.

Yeah, that's the ticket.

Like 15 seconds flat, and he's fixed.

That's a real G there, man.

I was going to tell you, you ought to mention Englewood and shit, but, man.

He sounded like he thought, all right, no, that part down, too.

I said Rosecrans.

Yeah, I know.

I heard you.

You were throwing in, oh, yeah.

That's awesome.

All right.

It was a good part of town, bro.

Yeah.

Lysol's going to meet him.

All right, here's the next one.

Fucking Lysol, man.

He's fixed.

hey how you doing boy i understand you wanted my tv yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm not driving now

so it's cool i could talk a little easier yes i am interested what's the matter with it you

drive a stick shift there huh you like to drive and touch the stick shift when you move the car

i don't understand when you're on the phone you like to drive and touch the stick shift

with your hand you know that's why you couldn't talk to me he hung up i'm just being weird and

creepy you like to drive and touch the stick shift with your hand yeah that

there was bound to for another 20 I guess that was a repeat I went to five

guys today hello hey man I went to five guys today I got those that burger and

fries let me just hire the volume on this because I can't seem to get it

hire it hire it yeah that's a word okay hire it that's a word

i don't understand what you're saying make it higher that's a word yeah yeah i like i like the

way you think boy that's pretty cool hire it right make it higher hey uh-huh yeah you want

What does TV mean?

The audio is, you keep coming over in, like, short.

Oh, okay.

I'm sorry.

Okay, well, actually, yeah, I can have a good connection there.

Okay, go ahead.

Oh.

You have the Craigslist TV, the flat screen?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, and where are you located?

I'm over in Rosecrans.

One more time, I'm sorry.

Rosecrans, Rosecrans.

Oh, Rosecrans.

Yeah.

Okay.

Today's a good day to pick it up?

you come here and you pick it up boy you have a truck yes i do uh put it in the back of the

truck i need you to drive it to long beach and lysol is going to pick it up real quick he's

going to take some stuff out of it and he's going to put it back together and give it to

you working and only take like five ten minutes he's going to fix it you know what i mean oh okay

well let me um so from rosecrans to long beach yeah and then he'll he'll take the stuff out of

of the TV frame, and it'll give it right back to you, working, 100% working, and everything.

Oh, okay.

And then you keep it.

Oh, I see.

So we're going to take it to Long Beach, and they're going to take some things from it,

but they're going to put something else back in.

So it'll be working condition when we get it back.

Yeah, yeah.

They're just going to take some stuff out of it and give it back to you with the stuff removed.

Okay, let me just...

You need to ride with the TV to Long Beach and they're going to, they're getting some

things.

Oh, you get, we get the working TV afterwards.

Yeah.

They need to take some things.

Yeah.

They're going to, we're going to push child pornography in it.

Are you going to pay for gas?

Uh, yeah, sure.

Yeah.

Yeah, sure.

I'll give you a few bucks.

Let me, okay.

Okay, I have to shift gears here.

Let me call you back in one minute.

All right.

Just one minute.

All right, buddy.

All right, bye.

Bye.

What the fuck?

These guys are down.

Yeah, tell them to give him about $5 or $10 for gas, man, maybe $10.50.

Jesus, they don't give a shit.

That's two in a row now.

Like, yeah, all right, yeah, sure.

We'll deliver drugs for you.

I told him it was going to be child porn, you guy.

You get the working TV afterwards.

He's all like, what do you think?

the working TV

Lysol comes like

here my old motherfucker

give me that TV

I'll get it

and he's like

alright

now you gotta tell

the next one man

they gotta smash it

that would be funny

just pick it up

and smash it

take the drugs out

and then you can have

you can have the TV

get them all

juiced up

and then at the end

oh yeah

you understand right

they give him a broom

and a dustpan

yeah

that's right

it's yours

it's done with

that's it clean it up motherfucker yeah hey boy how are you who's this hey boy this is eddie i

put the ad for the tv for the tv free tv yeah uh when did i which tv was it 42 inch free tv

you know what i hurt my back this weekend and right now i really can't even move i can't even

get up from where i'm sitting oh why were you having sex no no no because you're gay no

Well, do you not have sex with girls?

I sound very suspicious.

Very, huh?

Indeed.

Right on.

You don't hurt your back from fucking unless you're gay.

Hurt his penis.

Hello?

Yeah.

You want to tell sex stories?

Like, you tell me yours.

No, I don't.

Don't be fucking calling me.

I'll tell you mine, and you tell me yours.

I said no, you fucking weirdo.

Come on.

When was the first time you had sex with a girl?

Tell me.

I'll tell you my first time.

I said no.

Clear it out.

I said no.

Faggot.

I said no, faggot.

He sounded interested, dude.

Hey, quit calling the fucking number, motherfucker.

Hey, come on.

When did you have sex with a girl for the first time?

Tell me.

Hey, quit fucking calling me, you fucking pig, man.

What the fuck's your problem, man?

Are you that fucking hard up, man?

You got to fucking listen to another man?

I'm not gay.

I just like to hear about beautiful girls.

Hey, well, fuck it.

Go get somebody somewhere else, you fucking fag.

You are gay, motherfucker.

Tell me about gay.

What the fuck's wrong with you?

You fucking punk bitch

That's why you do it over the phone

Cause you're not man enough

To ask a man in person

Cause it fucking

Knock your fucking teeth out

Do you like big Latina ass?

Fucking punk bitch

Yeah

Why don't you go up to a man

And do that to his face

Instead of being a fucking coward

And doing it over the phone

I try

With your fucking bag

I try

The car has his number motherfucker

Come on man

Tell me

Tell me about big Latina ass

Dude I think

He was getting excited man

I'm like

you fucking weirdo

you fucking faggot

you fucking ass

you fucking faggot

alright

next one

oh my

just randomly

let's talk sex stories

when was your first time

like what the fuck

I would be like

what the fuck

what are you talking about

no

yeah first girl and then that's got me at the lead lead into what about your first guy you want to

try that's what's gonna try to get to yeah lead him down the dark path milkman the dark path

technique the men's room yeah all right yeah stick your fist up out of the door man

you know that's the same entry still there really wow you still got his picture i'll

to get his picture and send it to you.

Give me that receipt. That was funny.

Get that receipt and tell me the number again.

That shit was funny. Was he African

or something? Like Bungale Bungale?

Yeah.

That's where he got it.

Mr. Bungale.

Zimbabwe.

You're a store

manager, Mr. Bungale Bungale.

Has he got a bone

going through his nose in the picture?

No, but it was...

Yeah, hi. How are you?

you i put an ad for tv oh i think you have the wrong number no you wanted a free tv i think you

sorry what tv was this don't be mad i'm sorry no no sorry i didn't hear which uh which tv was this

you're stupid uh 42 inch tv okay what city was sorry because i replied i responded to a bunch

of different ads that's why oh you're a little dirty girl yeah so what you need to do is you

Do you have a truck to pick it up with, you old slut?

Hello?

She's gone.

Never mind.

She didn't seem to mind the innuendo there.

We would have been able to get away with those.

That would have hurt.

Call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Oh, my.

One, eight, three.

She seemed to have transferred us there.

I'll be darned.

Transferred us to the voicemail department?

I guess so, man.

Circular file that one.

one all right this is the last one i'm gonna do because i have to uh make dinner i gotta cook i

gotta start cooking all right you know sorry do do do do do do do last one hope you all enjoyed

this show all right no answer there sneedly in the chat room asking for social security numbers

that's pretty funny he's a long time listener or at least remembers when i used to do that a lot

all right anyway i'm gonna bug out of here aaron bye see you you're on your ass thanks for sending

those numbers i didn't do them all i got through about six or seven of them so the other ones are

good okay aaron bye aaron aaron's not talking all right milkman you want to take us out of here you

want to do that thing you do man oh wow okay all right okay 10 4 10 4 all right well all right

there you go kids you got another crazy installer right here with the madhouse that's right like to

thank everybody for joining us here in the chat we're finding a 90.6 amount like thank our good

Good friend, Brian Westwood, for stopping in and providing us with some good material there.

Thank you so much.

I'd just like to thank everybody else out there listening out there.

That's right.

We do this every chance we get.

Most of the exercise you can find right here on the Internet.

That's right.

We do it for free.

That's right.

We drop the dime.

We just ask you if it's the time.

Bring a friend, Barry.

Bring anybody.

You know what?

You're still welcome right here in the Madhouse.

Because we love you, the hermanito.

That's right.

Our fearless leader.

What we do without you, my brother.

thank you so much i'm sure my life's been saved i know at least three or four at least three lives

have been spared by your uh antics today sure so much money of course yeah we had fun i'm gonna

re-listen to this right now because i enjoyed it you know i'm gonna try to edit it tonight

motherfucker and that sound great milkman a nice guy man motherfucker this is a little bit of shit

motherfucker shit bitch all right see you later milkman now i'm gonna try to call you i'm gonna

gonna try to call you in a little bit you're gonna be up or what's your status yeah yeah yeah

all right cool all right guys definitely do that all right have a good week everybody

bye milk band thanks everyone sending and listened and stuff okay bye

Calls (34, 1 h 55 min of 2 h 56 min)

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