The Church of the Machine

Jesus is making a machine.

Do you know what time it is in the UK?

This is five o'clock in the morning.

I don't give a cunt's fuck.

You don't phone me at this time of the morning.

I ain't no fucking game, man.

I fuck you, son of a bitch.

Stop making us get the coins.

You're out of your crazy mind.

You ain't getting no goddamn dollars.

I'll fuck you all my life long.

Why don't you piss off?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

All right, everybody. Good evening. Thank you for hanging in there. Thank you for tuning in tonight.

This is the Madhouse Radio Show. Madhouse Radio. Congratulations. You are here.

I'm excited to be here. I'm in a good mood. I have positive mental attitude.

With me here tonight, as usual, is Milkman. Yay, Milkman. Yay, Milkman. Milkman here. Yay.

great okay well i'm here at least i'm here on time milkman hey man what's up man what's up man

hang on i forgot to connect my microphone that's why you can't why you sound so far away dude

are you in the toilet right now shut up about it well quit pooping on the air man damn

on the air yet yes we're on the air yes wow don't tell anybody you're in a toilet then man

Damn. Damn you.

Shut up about it. So what? I messed up.

I forgot to connect the cable.

So what?

Hi, Milkman.

Yay, Milkman.

Milkman, we are alive,

okay? And we're gonna start

the show. Alive? After 87 years?

Yeah. We are alive.

Yeah. What's this?

I want you to be quiet, Milkman.

Alright, damn it. I'm ready for some games now.

You're not playing games because you

you never do uh i am wrecking games now oh yeah oh yeah okay so i'm looking at request to prank

here to see what requests have come in uh in the last uh week and a half since we did a show

you can send your request to prank over at the main website madhouse live.com if you go over

there madhouse live.com as i said uh there is a request to prank link at the top of the page use

that to submit your requests uh for shows we have a small list of rules there that we ask

that you try to stick to as much as possible just to make things easier on us and to keep things

y'all i could pull our damn finger yeah we keep things as non-shady as possible i appreciate it

rbcp has sent in some numbers uh and we'll be getting to those soon um we also have numbers

here from your favorite milkman big ken all right he says oh boy a man wants to share a guy's living

with two other guys for 500 a month 500 a month to share a living room with two other guys milk

man seriously where is this at where where where are you living where you have to uh is this in

key west i don't understand dolores park maybe it's key west maybe oh oh there's a florida number

i don't know no it doesn't it's not a key west it's not a 386 oh it's not it is not

that's a lot of scary that's a lot of money one living room five hundred dollars and there's two

of them sharing one bed do you think they're indians they're probably africans right africans

do that shit mexicans mexicans not so much well maybe i don't know they're used to what i

remembered them well you know here's i think the mexicans have moved up you know what i'll tell

you what when i worked at a grocery store i was a cashier uh for a while then i went to the liquor

store but i had to be a cashier for a while and there was this mexican family that would come

every uh every like friday afternoon at the same time they came in what the fuck did they want

well there was it wasn't just a family it was that it was the male members of five families

who i'm guessing live together in the same house it was really oh it was it was interesting because

well what happened they came in like these uh like in these two vans and the wives were in the van

i remember and they kind of just told their husbands this is what you need to get and they

sent them in and they would fill up like four or five grocery carts uh but dude it was all like

bags maybe like five or six bags of jalapenos every time and then holy shit and the the flour

tortillas that you buy in the frozen in the like in the like over where the cheese is you know what

what i mean they all those right there those uh authentic flour tortillas they would fill up like

you know the top part of a grocery cart where you can stick the baby to sit down with his legs

hanging out that was like one of those completely full with just the flour tortilla packs refrigerated

ones i mean they make them fresh here yeah yeah but in florida it's different but if you can

imagine that was five families can you imagine how many kids they had also you know they would

get a lot of cheese and we get a lot of chicken it was like maybe 10 different basic things but

massive amounts of it once a week i don't know what was going on really big back back in saint

croix man like puerto rican people what's up man there's like tons of chicken dude that was like

one of the mainstays dude yeah yeah mexicans man tacos i bet you get some good tacos in san

francisco huh big guy i've never had too many tacos up here dude i've not had much mexican

and food up here like like la it's bomb and up here it's you know like i said it's a different

it's a different uh demographic you know you just don't you gotta go look for it you're probably

getting some good stuff you gotta look around there milkman you know you gotta go look for it

you know and honestly i haven't went out but once or twice you know when i was working i was working

in the plant they you know they sent out of course pretty damn good shit hey there's a there's a

There's a good place you can go to, I know of, that I've been to in San Francisco.

The Hog's Head Bar?

No, I haven't been there yet, but I've been told about it, that it's really good.

I want you to go down to Castro Street, and there's a place called the Taco Hole, the Cornhole Taco Stand.

Yeah.

Look for the Cornhole.

Or ask, if you can ask anyone on that, it's called Castro Street in San Francisco,

go and anyone you see walking around you just say excuse me sir uh do you know where the cornhole is

and they'll tell you where to go everyone knows about it man okay all right i'll do that man all

right and let me know how all right how you like the cornhole all right cool it's a specialty a

mexican specialty it's called they're called cornholes they're like donut holes but they're

made with cornmeal and they're fried oh yeah wow yeah you can get your cornhole stuffed with

with meat oh wow you can get some beef in your cornhole if you want stuff it with beef you can

stuff it with uh chicken with and you're pulling fun baby with with rooster yeah you can take the

tea bag too yeah like tea bags you can have it stuffed with shrimp also if you're into that

exactly get your shrimp stuff shrimp stuff your cornhole with shrimp okay anyway oregon city

city greek food a woman answered oregon oregon city cypress oregon cypress oregon sexual oregon

what kind of oregon you playing with there buck a sexual oregon man oh that don't sound good

it's not very neat it's cool sexual organs we had a whole show themed around that if you remember

genetic defects look man you never listen to the podcast do you you just kind of you just

kind of show up for the show right that's it i don't listen to the shit we've already done

usually. Classic, yeah, but

in jail now. I just make up

new shit every time I come out. You don't like it?

Like what? You don't like

listening to what we've done? You don't think

it's... It's good stuff. I just

don't have the time because most of it I remember.

No, you don't.

Who is this? Hey, honey.

Thank you for calling Mr. Settle. How may I help you?

Oh, okay. Hey, Milkman,

you heard who it is?

Hey, can you tell him again who you are?

Settle, we're Cypress.

Okay, thank you, honey.

So how are you doing, honey baby?

I wanted to make an order.

Hello?

Yeah, I wanted to make an order, honey baby.

Oh, what would you like to enjoy?

All right, I would like to enjoy...

Do you have corn holes there?

The what?

Corn hole?

Any corn hole?

Corn holes.

Do you have corn holes?

No.

No?

Okay.

Do you have baklava?

I do have baklava.

And malacca?

No.

Oh, there's no malacca there at all?

No, no malacca.

No malacca.

No makla.

Malaka.

Sorry.

Are you Greek or are you not?

We are not Greek.

We are Mediterranean, Indian, and Lebanese fusion cuisine.

Oh, that's disgusting.

Those are disgusting people.

So the people who make the food, are they ethnic?

What's the cook?

Is he Turkish or something?

We have gotten our, all of our recipes are from Lebanese.

So there's Lebanese men cooking the food back there?

Mm-hmm.

All right.

Can they wear gloves?

Because I don't want those nasty race of people touching my food.

Who is this?

This is Eddie.

Who?

Eddie.

My name's Eddie.

I had an order.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, but I don't want any...

Do you have any Americans that can touch the food?

I'm sorry.

No.

No?

So what if...

Can you supply them with gloves?

I will bring in some latex gloves.

Okay.

Or non-latex if they have the latex allergy.

So it's dirty people making dirty people food.

I got it.

Okay, I understand.

Okay.

All right, honey.

All right, thank you.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

There you go, Milkman.

Dirty people doing dirty food.

Dirty Lebanese.

And that one goes out to MPSA Corp.

What?

What now?

What?

Milkman, you know where the Malacca Islands are, right?

Malacca Islands.

and the Spice Islands, dude.

They're down in the Indian Ocean.

Oh, really? Yeah, by

Canary Island?

Yeah, but this is in the Indian Ocean.

And Dildor...

Dildo in Newfoundland?

Yeah, over by Dildorf, man.

That's right next to Wankershire.

Dildorf. The Dildorf Islands.

Okay. Cool, man.

Lots of losers here, anyway. He sent in that last

number, and he sent in

some more.

for the man big my remains is saying she can't chat why can't you chat woman what's the problem

with the chat are we did we max out again on seeds fuck i forgot to upgrade that so i think

we're tapped out on the number of chatters well i don't know what to tell you my remains let me

see if i'm gonna get kicked i'm gonna clear i'm gonna clear everybody out of their room and then

try and rejoin there no all right good that's not fair for everybody because there's people

i just kicked everybody out so she could get in now i'm trying to help a listener

well listen this goes this is uh this goes out to all ops and mods in the chat room

we'll be extra vigilant and be happy to kick people out for being stupid but not like new

new pisses me and milkman off especially because new new starts kicking people as a joke it's like

he's running around like a with a fairy pixie dust wand and he binks it on people and kick them out

out of the room he's like hey i'm the fairy kicking queen don't talk about about the queen

mother if you talk about the uk if you say uk is stupid he'll kick you repeatedly for a whole night

and it's just fucking get over it man okay you gotta be a particular brand and why me

and what's up with nunu anyway seriously i don't know have you talked to him lately man

Last week was the eight years that we've been doing this show.

We didn't celebrate the anniversary at all.

We didn't do anything.

But that was last week, eight years.

And in eight years, this guy, he's never talked to us, never sent a picture.

We don't know how old he fucking is.

He's got Tourette's Syndrome for sure, and he will not speak.

The best that he claims he's done is, like, laugh.

I kind of think I was prerecorded, can't laugh.

I don't think that actually

you've heard his laugh or eat

or, you know, possibly.

Yeah.

I don't think he'll get over it.

He'll get past the speech

and I mean, hey, you know,

Katie Kay and other people

I mean, you know,

there's no reason

that he can't come out.

Anyway, well, yeah,

my remains saying, you know,

fuck everybody else.

Kick them all out.

You know, we can't do that.

I did.

The chat, man.

Oh, well, shit.

We can't do that, Myra.

We can't.

You just got to be vigilant.

I don't know what to do,

honey, baby.

I can't just kick someone

one for no reason because they

why are you late why are you late

my remains you have to

be on time I was late

there's no excuse if you're just trying to get

a chat room now you're like a half hour

late motherfucker because I started 20

minutes late what's going on with these people

milkman you know what they are

important cruising I don't know what man

what do you got so that's so important what

were you doing huh

bitch you're watching reruns of

friends again what were you watching

That's right, man.

We should have come an hour and a half after we should have been there.

We're the friends.

No, dude.

Women be watching Friends all the time.

Yeah, good times.

No, reruns are good times, dude.

Good times.

Speaking of which, let's do another prank call.

Nenu says, kick all the horses.

No, man.

Don't kick the horses.

Nenu, kick yourself in the head and leave the horses alone, man.

Horses are the guests.

The people who haven't said a name for themselves are just chilling as a horse right now.

Right.

They're completely committed to the homosexual lifestyle,

and they decided they're not going to claim a name.

They're going to come out as a horse.

Anytime I see them in there, you can be sure that they don't want you to know that they're homosexual, right?

They're just going to come out in the generic form.

In the closet.

If you're one of those horses with a number, man, let us know who you are.

Introduce yourself right now.

Get a name.

Get a name, man.

Exactly.

Yeah.

You will earn new status besides a homosexual horse.

It doesn't have to be your real name.

It can be, like, Snoop Doggy Yo or something like that, you know, if you want.

That would be better than a horse's ass, wouldn't it?

Yeah, you know.

You don't have to be.

Oh, yeah, man.

You don't have to be a horse's death toll.

Yeah, it's not, you know, we's cool.

No one else can see right here.

We're here.

We're all right now.

All right, let's call a different.

That last place was reported as Greek Lonesome Loser, but that wasn't Greek.

That was Lebanese.

What's happening?

What the hell is Greek Confusion, Indian, Chinese?

Chinese, you know, American, Australian.

Yeah, I think he confused Cyprus with Cyprus.

Because the Cyprus tree is really popular there in Lebanon.

They love that Cyprus tree, don't they?

It's on the flag and shit.

What's that about?

Cyprus makes it in good guitars.

Oh, yeah, man.

It smells good.

It breaks really good on stage.

Jimi Hendrix preferred Cyprus guitars when he broke them on stage.

Sounds great, man.

When you break it on a stage, it's got the warm, rich sound,

and they don't break at the neck.

Hey, how you doing there, big guy?

Are you Lebanese?

Please tell me you're Lebanese.

No, we're Greek.

We're a Greek restaurant.

Oh, that's disgusting people, huh?

Yeah, so what race are the people that are making the food when I make my order?

wow we lost the connection there rather abruptly yeah hey you know what sucks milkman you ever see

when someone goes to break a guitar on stage or or somebody and it breaks at the at the neck of

the guitar instead of breaking the actual hey how are you honey is this authentic greek yes oh that's

delicious i love that and i love those people i love those people and that's people the greek

Greek people. I love Greek people. It's delicious.

Delicious food.

Yeah, you love those people?

Huh? I want to make an order.

What kind of order do you like?

Let's see here. Do you have any gyros?

No, what?

Do you have any gyros?

No, I don't, sir.

Do you have moussaka?

Yes, I do.

Okay, we'll have two orders of moussaka.

Okay.

All right, do you have any spanakopita?

So you have two moussaka to go?

Yes, sir.

Two spanakopita?

Okay, one second, one second.

You have a spinach, mate?

You have a spinach?

Spanakopita.

Spank of vodka to go?

Spank of vodka.

Let me see.

I have it, but I don't have the best system.

So you wanted two moussaka?

Uh-huh, yeah.

It's in your final right there.

Is this to go to or here?

To go, to go.

I come and get it, I pay.

Okay.

Well, you have to come here and do it,

because, you know, it's not going to take too long to do it.

Oh, come on.

I can't prep the food.

It's lunch.

It's my break from work.

I have a dinner break.

I got work nights.

Come on, please.

I don't work.

No, sir.

You know what?

I'll have it ready for you when you come here, okay?

I only get 20 minutes for break for dinner, and I'm diabetic, and my sugar could go down.

Please, no.

I have to work until 5 in the morning.

Come on.

Please.

I can't do it.

You're not going to be here, sir.

Please.

All right.

Do you have malacca?

Hello?

Do you have malacca?

Okay, one second.

shit you're there yeah i'm here damn it okay while you're here your food is ready okay what

about malacca she would not because i was going to do the whole thing where i order the food and

call back and tell them i don't like it yeah because they were making a big deal about making

they're making a big deal about making the spinach pie so

all right moving right along as milkman likes to say we'll do another one here

Let's see what it's going to be.

Antony's Restaurant and Diner.

Okay.

She could have fired that up, man.

That's a little messed up.

And Moussaka, it's a Greek lasagna, first of all.

It has to be made already.

So if she had it ready to go, it wasn't like they had to cook it and stuff.

What is it?

Moussaka, it's like a Greek version of lasagna.

It's a Greek take on it, yeah.

Yeah, it tastes really good, dude.

Come back with the eggplant or something?

Well, there's an eggplant version.

it's called something else but musica is uh it uses a few different spices i think i believe

what the fuck are you what are you doing man are you eating no i don't know what are you eating

nothing what are you eating come on i'm hungry what are you eating tell me celery celery oh

so you picked the loudest fucking vegetable to eat with your microphone not muted while we're

doing a show seriously really really milkman no i'm serious i'm not man god damn it i don't

sometimes man sometimes i'm telling you man what hello hey listen i called earlier and i was

ordering moussaka and spanakopita all right now the woman said that i have to be there but look

please i only get 20 minutes for my dinner break i have to work till five in the morning and i'm

diabetic and my sugar could get low and i only get 20 minutes and i'm kind of far away so i just you

You know, if you can, don't do Spanakopita because I know Musaka, you have to, if you're ready to make Musaka, it's been ready all day or for a while now.

When is, you have Musaka ready then?

What's the big problem here?

That's the owner that you're talking to.

That's how she runs her business, sir.

Where are you at in Akita?

No, no.

How far are you away?

I'm telling you these things.

I'm pretty far away

With my car I can't really go too fast

Because I'm blind in one eye

I'm not going to be driving over the speed limit

To get down to your place

Okay

And I only get 20 minutes

And it takes me

5 minutes alone to get down to the car

From where I work

To get to the garage

It takes me a good 5 minutes to walk all the way down

And then go up again

And unlock my car

all right hang on a second okay come on you said you have to come and pay for it because it only

take a couple minutes to make our moussaka yeah well the moussaka that's i need it like ready in

the bag i can't wait please i can't wait that's the owner that's what she said sir that's all i

can do put her on the phone i order you to put her on the phone i command you busy no i wait

are you gonna have to show up to call you back then no no why so you could take more orders on

the phone we don't take orders on the phone usually this is not a goal but why can't i wait

Hey, then why do you need the phone?

Because in case another phone call comes in, sir.

Well, so they can, it's not important.

Well, I have to hang up now.

I have to get back online.

If you don't take orders, then what's the problem?

She said, come get it.

It'll be ready right when you get here.

Come get it.

What's the total?

It'll be ready when you get here.

The total will be here.

That's the other department.

I'm just a cook, bro.

What's the total?

Ring it up.

I need to know how much it is.

Sorry, I can't spend more time talking to you, sir.

If you want to order, come in.

We'll make it for you in a couple minutes, and you'll be out the door.

Asshole.

Have a good day.

Asshole.

Asshole, everybody.

Asshole.

What's that dildo doing?

Hello, Dan.

You're fucking...

What the fuck?

...day-old malaka.

Fucking dildo.

That's what he is.

Okay.

Well, let's continue right...

I think I got a sick jackass.

No.

Yeah, Milkman.

Yeah.

Bring back old Jack Masterson for one of these, man.

A little bit of that Jack Masterson, goddammit.

Okay, in the meantime, here's the...

The number that I had mentioned before, which was Antony's Restaurant Hash Diner.

That's, yeah, Hash Diner, dude.

You know what I mean?

It's a hash diner.

I thought they only had those like.

Yeah, man, that's.

They got those in California.

You can't use this shit right now.

Can you get hash over there in California in the dispensaries or no?

Yeah, I think.

I would believe you.

yeah that's what it says bbk baby thank you for calling this is vicky how can i help you

hey what's up big vicky how you doing honey not a lot how are you damn i'm all right you know i'm

hungry all right what would you like to eat do you have um pasta dishes i'm sorry what was that

do you have pasta dishes at all absolutely i like an iglio e olio i have no idea what that would be

It's just the noodles, whatever pasta we agree on, and it's just olive oil and garlic.

And barley?

Garlic.

Yeah.

I don't think we make beer back there.

Okay, so whatever pasta you decide, and garlic, and olive oil.

Yeah, and I also have a different oil that I got.

It's called, what is it called, Milkman?

BBK.

It's a special oil, but it has to be heated up to work, you know.

And you can put it in food.

And I was online, and they have this recipe, and you can make this pasta dish, you know.

And then you add the oil that I'm going to give you.

Give it to the cook and have him add this special oil to it.

Oh, well, hold on one second.

Yeah.

BBK, man.

Shit rocks.

Blackberry Kush.

sure i guess can you hear it you're vibrating okay like i don't really know if we do that to

be honest oh i see i i get this at the dispensary basically and you just gotta put about just

probably about how much you think milkman like five drops maybe i don't know how it works oh

just a few dabs a few dabs a few dabs of the oil towards the end so it doesn't get burned yeah we

can't really have anything brought from outside the restaurant in to add in the kitchen just for

For health reasons.

It's special.

It's for a special occasion.

I'm getting married.

Come on.

I'm glad you're getting married, but we still, like, for health laws, we can't have somebody

bring something in and then add it into our kitchen.

It's hash oil, you know?

Let me let you talk to your manager.

All right.

Maybe he's down with it.

They fast shit right out of my...

$25 for a gram? That's what you're

paying for that?

A BBK?

About $35, maybe.

Oh, well, this place has $25.

Look, dude, OG hash.

Lavender Wreck.

Sour Lemon Kush.

No, I'm talking Super Melt.

I'm not talking Super Melt, dude.

Shut up.

Sour.

There is, man.

Sour Diesel.

Purple Candy.

Yeah.

They had some of that.

Green Crack Hash.

No, not that.

I haven't seen any of that.

Tana Gold Honey Bud.

Oh, yeah.

I've seen plenty of that.

Hawaiian Kona Kush.

No, I haven't seen that.

Dude, they got edibles here.

Look, Caramel Corn.

chocolate chip cookies peanut butter cookie wow and i'll tell you great babe is really not

i stewed me on that it just paralyzes you they got a throat care elixir no shit what about the

lollipops have you tried those yet not the lollipops now i've had the cookies i've had

I've had crispy, I've had, I can't, you kind of like caramel and shit like that.

Then I've had fudge, I've had chocolate.

I've heard of people going to concerts and, or like going on a...

How about you can take it to go and put whatever you want on it at home.

But it has to be cooked on it, man, come on.

Yeah, I'm sorry, we can't do that.

I've got marijuana lollipops, I'll share it with everybody.

money yeah i'm happy that you're getting married but it still doesn't change the law that's that's

the code getting married means i got i got i'm holding weight look listen what you do i take

this oil man and i have a lollipop recipe and i make lollipops yeah i don't know what you're

talking about and i don't want to really you can eat a lollipop and get stoned man and they're like

Yeah, well, have a good time.

I do it at the airport.

Anyway, I heard of it.

What's wrong with that guy?

Did you hear that guy, man?

What?

Something wrong with him.

He didn't.

So, dude, you get the lollipops, man.

I would be eating those lollipops.

Anyway, that's what Seth Rogen does.

He says that when he goes to, like, he went to the Oscars and he had, like, one of those.

He had two of those lollipops while he was there.

it got really baked and he had to leave he couldn't stay for the whole thing because he was

so paranoid freaking out it's like chocolate one dude it's like super concentrated dude it's like

i had like i forget it had like three or four grams of like good ash in it oh fuck man that

was good i had one of those when i went to the concert and uh but it's different you know it's

different than than smoking it or vaping it you know it's a different buds wow they got capsules

lotions

bath salt

they got bath salt

yeah all kinds of

topical everything

yeah

you know

you can put it on your head

everything

can of care salve

dark greens

unscented

lotion

okay

they say you can

you can rub it on your joints

and stuff

for like

you know

certain kinds of pain

I guess

I've never fucked with it

that's crazy

man

wow

well if

I guess if they're making it

and people are buying it

obviously it must

have something

things it must be working or they wouldn't be telling it you know i mean it wouldn't be on the

menu week after week after week so very cool i smelled some of it dude actually just i had made

some dude i checked it out when i first went over when i first started working over there and like

it smelled really nice dude if they wouldn't have told me that it was in there i would have never

not okay okay uh let me play a little bit here while i organize a phone number i'm possibly

possibly gonna call um i don't know i don't know what to play here you have any idea milkman

wide horse no i'm not gonna play music i'm gonna i have to play a prank call you know

oh you're gonna play a call yeah yeah anyway uh i don't know here's kdk on a ranch let's play that

how can you support colito and not be anti-gay kidding because i really really really don't give

of a shit what Carlito thinks of me even though I realize he's been stalking me everywhere I go

everywhere I go he seems to show up and he's been stalking me and he really apparently pains over

the fact that I don't like him and uh I I don't know what to say or do because I really do like

Carlito as a human being but I just don't like his beliefs I just don't think I I don't like him

for the way he doesn't stand up against people who make anti-gay comments on his show i just see him

cowardly and uh insignificant he's a fucking pussy he never fights with anybody he puts

other people off to fight with him because he's a fucking pussy hey hey welcome to all

pussy radio this is carly though what are you gonna be doing right now yeah really i thought

I thought he retired already like a year ago, and he's still fucking going.

Yeah, once he gets married, then his life is over.

I'm sorry, Carlito, and I know you know I hate you,

but still I'll offer you the advice of saying don't ever get married.

Yes, hello. How are you, young man?

Bob?

I'm with National Maintenance, and I'm going to be coming and replacing your windows.

Sorry, Mr. Rob, I can't understand you.

I'm coming in to replace your window.

Hello?

Aw, they don't want to talk to us, Smoke Man.

What the hell's wrong? I think the devil's in the house.

Be careful, devil.

Devil me.

Hello?

Yeah, hey!

Hello?

Hello! How are you?

Your audio is super bad. What's wrong?

How are you doing there, young man? It's good to talk to you.

Who?

It's good to talk to you.

Is somebody using a really bad harmonizer?

Yeah, this is my Harmonizer 2000.

Okay.

So how are you doing?

I'm doing fabulous.

You called my wife about a month ago, you pervert.

Please do not ever call me again.

You are a pervert.

If you call me again, it's harassment.

Oh, man.

What if I perform a hate crime?

What if I masturbate in front of you?

Harassment, everybody.

Harassment

Milkman

Look at that rant dude

That is fucking ridiculous dude

I don't know if I ever heard this

Who was that Teddo and him on a show or something

That was his show when Ted was talking

I thought it was him and Ted

Like Ted sounding really baffled

And shocked in the background

Holy shit

Continue this is pretty disgusting

Yeah I know

He's slurring his words

it's like really bad man one of my favorites is hang on let's listen real quick when did you

you remember when lego uh prank kdk i think the funny is he got pissed at you for the wrong reason

dude i mean it's not even true man he just had to have an excuse and that's like it's not even

the right one poor guy yeah i didn't want to have the uh my real voice say he knows he's got

a he's stupid if he doesn't know it's me it's fucking thursday night how stupid is he but uh

I don't want him to hear my real voice

because he'd be like,

here's KDK the hypocrite

getting prank called by Dr. Lego.

Oh, gosh.

No, Lego just had a question anyway.

Answer Lego's question.

Hi.

It's funny, dude.

When you listen to him,

when he's being scary, man,

his voice cracks.

Uh-oh.

It's like he's getting a goose, man.

It's hilarious, man.

I just know his voice cracks.

People, you're accusing me

of prank calling people?

All right.

Hello.

Here's Baba.

Baba Fresh.

Oh, hello.

Hey, call me.

It's 4-4-8-6.

Thank you for calling.

How can I help you?

Oh, hey.

How are you, big guy?

I'm good.

I see this is Indian food.

It's Mediterranean Persian food.

Mediterranean Persian?

So, like, Iranian?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, those are disgusting people, man.

What's that?

It's disgusting people.

So, who?

Is it authentic?

Are the actual Iranians making the food?

Or who are they?

Persian.

There's Persians making the food?

persian men okay well they put on if i can bring on any uh like culinary gloves that i have will

they wear them and not touch my food because i don't like anyone who's not um aryan you know

or white to touch the food dirty cultures i don't do that kind of thing you know and don't come in

well no i like the food don't come in milkman don't come in

Oh, Ken's mentioned it.

I'm going to be setting that up maybe tonight at the Fantasy Football League.

Milkman, you're going to make up an excuse not to be on this year again?

Thank you for calling.

We're unavailable.

Me, me, me.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

How are you, buddy?

Hello.

Hey, how are you?

Hey, Dad.

Oh, good.

I wanted to make an order, but I was calling before.

I wanted to see if the Persian will put on gloves to handle my food.

I don't want them to touch the food.

Yeah, can you hold on a second?

Okay, asshole.

hole oh dear come help you hey how are you buddy hey yes how you doing good are you the young man

i was just talking to no no all right well that guy just said that i was allowed to do that the

owner that i was just talking to he said he said yes that i can bring in gloves for the staff to

wear while they make my food okay okay because the persian people are dirty they're dirty you

You know, they worship the crescent, you know, the great bird.

And I don't like that.

I only like Christian men, white blood, pure white blood to touch the food.

Okay.

All right.

So then in that case, I will have one chicken dinner.

Okay.

A senior coffee.

Okay.

And one sister.

Okay.

How much is that?

$14.95.

All right.

Shove it up your ass.

Whatever.

Ted Webb is here.

Your favorite milkman, your favorite.

You like him more than Ken.

Hey, my buddy.

what's up

hey man we played a prank call

with you earlier well we played a bit with you

talking to your favorite

your buddy

oh my best friend

he's my best friend

alright well let's continue

doing more prank calls

I'm going to stab him in his face

oh wait someone's already done

oh man that is horrible why would you say that

Yeah, that's too soon.

I'm just saying it's too soon.

He didn't get stabbed more like he just got sliced.

Oh, okay.

It's a difference.

Slicing is okay.

It's a thin wound.

I think I'd rather be stabbed in the face because the wound would be smaller than if someone did a slice.

Well, I'm more worried about the thing going into my brain or my eye.

But sure, man.

Yeah, okay.

Loss of facial musculature, man.

That would be serious, dude.

Especially if it was very deep.

Oh, yeah, you could be permanently smiling.

David, we got some numbers in the UK coming in, including a few Davids here from Lonesome Loser.

Thank you, sir.

Let me take a look over at the swap shop numbers that we like to hit up every once in a while.

There's always fun taking a look here.

We got someone looking for a new Avon representative or I want to sell Avon, man.

Yeah, they're looking for anyone who wants to be an Avon rep to make extra money

or people interested in ordering Avon.

Please call or text if interested.

I will answer any time.

You heard that?

Huh?

Any time?

And this is Big Brittany.

You want to do that?

You're going to sell Avon.

She's trying to get that pyramid scheme going.

She's a smart little cookie.

You know, that pisses me off because I know pyramid schemes, you know, it's bullshit, you know.

But how do you get to be the lucky guy that starts it out or is at a higher level?

You know what I mean?

Start by checking your soul at the door.

I get it.

It's all easy from there.

I never got approached by someone who says,

Hey, I'm starting a pyramid scheme.

Do you want to be my number two level guy?

I'd gladly, in a big pyramid scheme, I would gladly be.

It's a scam from the start.

Yeah, whatever.

Whatever, Milkman.

You were selling that Amway stuff, remember?

What was that?

Mary Kay.

I realize there's a cut for other people.

There's a cut for other people.

That's true.

That's absolutely true.

What is it?

Is it Quickstar?

is that the company you were selling yeah it's quickstar it's am i don't know fuck they do all

kind of shit i i still got a um a business license mega scam incorporated inc yeah llc but really the

best part for me is that i get a lot of deals like uh you know like a bunch of stuff you can

do online and everything you know i get like deals just because i got that license you know

it's not that expensive yep yeah amway is uh quickstar is their like online kind of thing i

I guess.

You can get anything.

New hardware.

You can get tickets to travel.

I had to shit through it, man.

So it's Amazon?

No, no, no.

Do Amway Quickstar stuff.

They got like, you know, if you're a member.

Please enjoy this Verizon ringback tone while your party is free.

So it's like Sam's Club?

Like an IBO or business center.

Never mind.

It was there like three times in the last month.

To an automatic voice message system.

I've been down to San Jose a couple of times in the last month.

You know what?

But she said any time, didn't she, this woman?

Yeah.

She lied.

Please enjoy this Verizon ringback tone while your party is reached.

I just want to ring back to you.

Hello?

Yeah, you said you'd answer any time, so I had to call twice, you know?

Hello?

Who is this?

Oh, I'm going to put my friend on the line.

I'm dialing it for him.

He's interested in selling Avon.

Go ahead.

Hello?

Hi.

Hi. So, I want to sell Avon. What do I got to do?

Come on, spit it out. What do I got to do?

You're not motivating me. Hello?

Hello?

Oh, she's gone. I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention. She hung up.

Lost the patient.

Please enjoy this Verizon ringback tone while your party is reached.

Have fun!

Hello?

Hey, is this Avon Woman?

Can I help you?

Yeah, I was trying to have my friend wants to get a job selling Avon with the woman.

You know, your woman.

Is that your wife over there?

Can I help you, sir?

I'm asking the question.

Are you not listening?

I'm asking you if I can help you.

Stupid asshole.

I'm saying I've got my friend who wants to sell Avon.

So I'm going to put him on.

If you call this number again.

Shut up.

Can you help us, though?

No, I'm not going to help you do anything.

Please shut up and stop calling this number.

Wait a minute.

It's very simple.

You shut up first.

You just need to take the receiver of your phone and cram it in your asshole.

And then you shut up.

Oh, that sounds enjoyable, sir.

Oh, are you gay?

Oh, yeah.

You want some?

Yeah.

Yeah, after I put Avon all over my face and ass, then I'm comfortable.

I'm going to put Avon on my face.

Oh, that sounds so good.

Hey, I got a water bed.

I like to cover it in olive oil, and we can roll around in it naked.

Have a good one.

Bye-bye.

I'll be back in a good time, okay?

Cheers.

Cheerio, mate.

Bye.

Cheerio, Pip-Pip.

Yeah.

All right, cool.

Whatever.

You know, there's a dead bug on top of my digital TV.

What the fuck was up with that guy?

My Remains made it to the shit, to the chat room.

Yeah.

My Remains is involved in this scheme.

She's got that Sensi.

That's like the new Ava on Milkman.

You ever heard of it?

Sensi, my cousin, sells that shit.

That's all she does, the lazy bitch.

Sensi is a bomb, dude.

Sensi is very a fuck.

Yeah, nice.

You're talking.

Myron Mades is selling some Sensimillian.

Hell yeah, man.

Seedless, baby.

Some Tystick.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Some Black Donkey.

She's got all that shit.

BBK.

Yeah.

Get with her if you want some Sensi.

All right, let's continue on with another call from the Swap Shop.

Two excellent tickets to the UT versus Southern Alabama game.

They were purchased from StubHub, and I have them in hand now.

They're behind the Vols team section.

Okay.

The game is on September 28th.

Man, football is right around the corner, Milkman.

I'm excited.

Willing to part with them for $100 firm.

That's two tickets right now to each other for $100.

Serious inquiries only.

49ers, man, watch out.

Santa Clara 49ers are coming back.

Santa Clara 49ers, hell yeah.

The Santa Clara 49ers?

Is that actually happening?

Yeah, dude, look on the one you're driving by.

Look over at the new stadium right over there, man.

Is it built?

It's almost done.

I thought the 49ers cut a deal to stay in Candlestick.

What are you talking about?

Hell no, dude.

That place is, like, empty.

Desecration, you know, gone.

There's nothing there, man.

Like, they're going to blow it up.

There's prime real estate by it, man.

Well, yeah, right, right.

I mean, if you want to go over in the ghetto, man, hell, go for it, man.

Unless you want to count the condos, then that's different.

That's, like, a really dangerous stadium to go to.

Don't people get killed there every year?

Every preseason, some dude gets fucking killed.

The whole area around it, man, is kind of, like, remote, man.

And that's for sure, dude.

So, like, yeah, it's like anywhere overlooking on the wood is anywhere in view of that stadium, dude.

It's a pretty bad neighborhood.

Well, no.

What I'm just saying is the fans and the 49ers fans are well known for beating the shit out of anybody who has the opposing team's gear on.

From what I understand.

That I don't know.

All I know is that mostly those are run-down neighborhoods.

And usually, you know, that's what I've seen.

I think Philly's pretty bad, too.

Yeah.

I won't pick up.

how much over there on it is oh yeah how are you yeah you have them tickets for the vols game

oh i've already sold those oh how much over there on it is i'm sorry what how much over there on it

is how much were they how much over there on it is um i i'm not understanding i'm sorry all right

you know how much over there on it is come on look just because i have an axe it doesn't mean

and i'm a stupid how much over there on it is i said woman carlito no she's not

you're the lemon plate the lemon pledge don't talk that sounds like my mom stop it

i was using lemon pledge yesterday i kept saying that in my head lemon pledge

we need more lemon pledge come on you fuck answer that was a pretty old prank wasn't it

you said that how much over there on it is i think that was you who said that that was me

in turd burglar yeah the guy's like do you speak the english language do you know what you're

saying i said how you money make which is do you know how i money make or something that's a lewis

black line lewis black in his original album he said he got pulled over by a cop in miami

and he could barely speak english the cop and he said that the cop asked him how you money make

and he's like what the fuck there should be rules when you're a cop before you get a gun

like can you speak fucking english how you money are you can you imagine if a cop if a cop said

that to me but only in miami that's possible i bet you there's cops that don't even speak english

in miami it's like fuck it you don't need to speak english that's how miami is you know there's a lot

of problems in miami how you money make that's a good prank call too very bad quality in the

the recording i made of it but it's good okay let's move on here actually i gotta take a break

you know what i'm gonna use the restroom so we can play one of those let me see if i can find

that turd burglar call i was just talking about or that you brought up how you money make it might

be called it how you yep i got right here how you money make from 2006 to you i do that to you

because i was i've been here touching it i've been here touching it and making you eat that

so i think it's like sperm like my sperm do you want to order anything no because i was touching

myself and i pretend like i wanted you to do it so like you could pretend it's like you know

i beat in your mouth all right i do in your mouth i'm like

guys that's that is how i finish i go when the act happens when i release my bodily fluids

what is different dr strange over the precious precious bodily fluids that's what it was the

The war about a nuclear war started by a general who went crazy

because he was cheating on his wife with his mistress

and had an orgasm but did not cum.

What?

And he said he had a problem with the purity of his essence and bodily fluids.

So he figured out that it was a communist conspiracy to fluoridize water

to render all American men inert.

Oh, is this the fluoride crazy lady?

No, that's the movie Dr. Strangelove.

Oh, Dr. Strangelove.

yeah that's that's the whole plot of the movie that's what happens so he launches and he launches

his entire bomber wing to do a nuclear strike against the soviet union in the 60s and then

and the russians are like all right well we're gonna attack back you never seen that there's

a whole bunch of crazy scenes of the president and the one general named ripper and all that

no oh you gotta watch that man dr strangelove that's a classic stanley kubrick movie he's

black and white and came out like in the mid 60s awesome anyway probably on netflix oh wait you

said it was awesome so probably not i like netflix i've been watching a lot of documentaries there

lately i saw one on the uh panama invasion of panama in 1989 i saw that this morning pretty

good stuff man yeah they do have good documentaries on netflix documentaries are good i watched one

One on the sun the other day.

Nova one.

Nova.

Yeah, I'm noticing a lot more PBS stuff is showing up than a lot.

You know what makes me happy?

They have all the National Geographic documentaries,

which is something that I miss because there was that cable channel,

one of the few that I ever watched religiously.

In the background, I either had Military Channel or I used to have National,

what was it?

Discovery Times.

That's what I meant.

I used to have Discovery Times on in the background.

and Discovery Times is nothing but documentaries

all 24-7

documentary after documentary

it was really awesome

I wanted to see that Orange is the New Black

that's another series on

original series on Netflix

with Kate Mulgrew

is that her name? Catherine Janeway

from Star Trek Voyager

but my co-worker saw

two episodes of it

and he told me yesterday at work that it was shitty

he's like don't even bother

he said yeah it's horrible

Arrested Development was pretty good.

I haven't seen House of Cards yet, so I can't judge that either.

I should try that.

The problem is I don't like new Kevin Spacey.

I liked Kevin Spacey up until like 97, 98.

Then he got stupid.

He started doing K-Packs and all this stupid shit.

But I miss like Kevin Spacey from back in the 90s.

He was pretty good then.

But after that, 97, 98, after that, it started acting like his shit didn't stink.

All right, here's the UK, William Miller.

Try to get him a call.

yes how are you this is seven one two three four one oh two five no no i'm calling you i said

now listen you're seven one two three one oh i'm calling from seven two four one oh and i keep

getting people calling for you over here they said that you uh got some furniture you didn't

pay for it no there's nothing to do with me goodbye william miller on miller's mead ferry

Merrifield Road? Yes, it is.

Hey, why don't you pay your bills?

Why don't you pay your bills, William?

I'll get knocked.

You'll get knocked up.

You'll go on and sit on the toilet.

I don't even know if getting knocked up is a curse.

Insult. Sounds like it would be.

I think I just get woken up, is what I told him.

Hello? Hello?

Shithead.

All right.

And I heard about this Nunu pointing out

we should theme our prank calls regarding the porn filter

in the UK which is being implemented that's already been around but not by default what's

going on now is now the porn filter will be on by default what I'm talking about is citizens of the

UK will not be able supposedly to access the majority of adult websites again it's a feature

that's been available to any internet user in that country you just had to request it for it

to be turned on it was off by default now it is on by default so you call to get it taken off

not it is a bit more of a inconvenience no one likes that hello what do you want is this william

dyson it is my name is miles bennett i'm calling from the united kingdom internet machine and to

let you know that bt is going to be turning on your adult filter porn filter within the next 60

60 minutes on your internet connection.

Very angry hang-up right over there.

Jeez.

Hitting numbers.

Machine, please leave a message after the turn.

Hold on.

Machine!

Hello, I am computer.

I wanted to let you know that the BT porn filter is being activated,

and soon you will not be able to take messages from phone sexual lines

or make any phone calls related to sex and fucking and fingering

and female squirting and female ejaculations

and ass-to-mouth and foreplay and foreskins.

Clitoral hoods and labia minora and labia majora.

All of that will cause the phone to disconnect immediately.

So beware.

And don't be square.

You got a lot of sound over there, Ted.

What's going on?

What's your favorite labia, milkman, minora, or majora?

Milkman's not talking.

Oh, I like the minora, man.

Yeah, of course, the menorah, man.

The menorah.

Maybe a menorah is your favorite.

All right, that's cool.

He's Jewish.

He likes menorah.

Hello?

They picked up and hung right up, so I'll try again.

Hello?

Don't hang up.

It's important.

Hello?

Okay.

I guess not.

Is that the same guy?

Same guy, yeah.

Why do you keep calling him?

He picks up and I don't give a shit.

Dude, what are we getting?

That's underrated.

Well, y'all has named this time.

if he picks up david taylor david kitty cat no he ain't talking leave the guy alone poor dumb guy

all right uh david a different david here in the uk again we're talking about the porn filter in

the united kingdom big news in the tech industry oh yeah man big news we're here with a milkman

and CCNA certified...

Call the Brendan Chase.

It's a bed and breakfast that has been prank called.

Probably has, like, police

waiting for someone to prank call it.

Brendan Chase

in the UK.

It's in Windermere.

David Small speaking.

Yes, hey, buddy. David Small.

Excellent. I'm looking to speak with you.

Winchester's Mobile Locksmith.

Yep.

And you have an internet connection. I'm calling from BT

and you have an internet connection.

I do.

Okay, we wanted to let you know that within 30 minutes,

the anti-porn filter will be turned on, the adult content filter.

Do you know what time it is in the UK?

This is 5 o'clock in the morning.

I'm working in the central networking operations center.

I don't give a cunt's fuck.

You don't phone me at this time of the morning.

I'm going to cut off your internet service completely now.

I don't give a cunt's fuck.

He said cunt's fuck.

Hello, this is David Small of Winlock's, Winchester's mobile locksmith.

I'm not available at the moment, so please either leave a message or try and call me.

Okay, I'll turn it on one more time.

Not available because he's giving a cunt's fuck.

Hello, Mr. Cunt's fuck.

What a dick.

Now he doesn't want to talk again.

Oh, well, we tried.

Fun times, guys.

guys uh continuing on with more prank calls let's see what else we got here from the lonesome loser

have you heard about the lonesome loser i say um here's another william what the hey i may have

called this one already i don't know if i did sorry ted if you want to do one just holler i'm

I'm going to just keep dialing them.

Holla at a player.

Try one.

Who is it?

Oh, shit.

Willian.

Hello?

Hi, this is 4178-4216.

Who are you?

I'm 4178-4216.

Why are you calling me?

I said I'm 478-121-674.

Who are you?

Are you from America?

No.

Why do I sound American?

I love old ladies.

Oh my god

You're calling her back

Yeah

Welcome to BG answer 1571

Alright we'll let her be

We'll let her be

Let me go to request a prank

See if we get it

Oh we do have that one bedroom

Living room for rent

For three men

And at the same time

That must smell great

My guess is they're Indian

Not

I'm just

Having worked with Indians

At length

In close proximity

And in close spaces

I don't ding, ding, bot, bot, innit?

Are you ding, ding, bot, bot?

Don't laugh.

I don't ding, ding, bot, bot.

Don't laugh at me, boys.

Don't laugh.

Hey, man, I fuck your sister.

Oh, God.

Hello, how are you, buddy?

I see you have a living room that you're trying to share.

Or you're looking to share, rather?

Yeah.

Okay, that sounds good.

All right, so it's two men in there already,

or you're looking to have up to two other men in there right now?

We're still looking for Selma.

For Selma?

Yeah.

I mean, we're still available, my living room.

Okay.

And where are you from?

Are you Taiwanese?

No, I'm from Korea.

Oh, that's good.

South Korea or North Korea?

Yeah.

Where are you from?

South Korea or North?

Of course, South Korea.

Oh, okay.

That's good.

And the other man I'm sleeping with in bed together, how old are they and where are they from?

I'm 22 years old.

and my friend is 25 or 26 years old.

Oh, good.

And I also came from Korea, yeah.

And what kind of, do you have good food,

American food or Korean food?

Actually, we don't have any food, so.

Oh, they must be North Korean then.

Yeah, you must be, are you North Korean then?

You don't have any food?

Yeah.

You get it, because they don't have food up there?

Oh, actually not,

because you have to make it on your food.

Oh, I like to make mashed potatoes, you know?

No meal.

Do you like mashed potatoes?

No.

All right.

And then do we share the bathroom?

How many bathrooms?

We have two bathrooms.

Okay.

All right.

But you're going to share with me.

With you?

Yeah.

Okay.

Do you sit when you go pee or what do you, do you stand?

Sorry?

Do you sit when you pee or do you stand up?

Do you sit down and go pee pee or no?

I don't understand what you mean.

Do you sit when you go pee?

Yeah.

Okay.

So it doesn't get everywhere, you know?

go pee it goes all over the place you know it goes all over the place yeah yeah yeah so i don't want

you to stand up i want to just i sit down and i pee in the toilet all right and then how much

toilet paper do i have to buy toilet paper can i use can we share it of course you have to buy

toilet paper yeah but can we share the toilet paper me and you if you want to share with me

you can but you have to pay for me okay okay but sometimes i use your toilet paper right when i

I'm going to have some, a little bit.

Not too much, you know, in an emergency.

Okay.

Yeah, but actually, you know, I think you want to keep me, right?

I'm going to keep you?

Yeah.

I think your accent is very stringent.

I don't know what you're saying.

Stringbean?

What?

I don't know if you know, you have an accent.

Why did you say I'm trying to what?

You're trying to kill me.

To kill you?

Killing me.

Oh, killing you.

No, no, I really want.

I want to pay, like, $550 I'll pay.

No, we can't.

please come on and i'll hug you and kiss you hey you want to have a contest me and you

we both we both go on a diet and whoever loses the most weight in 30 days uh i i gets to look

at the other person naked for an hour you know like i'll if i if you lose more weight than me

in 30 days and i take off all my clothes and you can look at me and everything for like one hour

okay i'm gonna call you later you're gonna call me later yeah you want to do that you want to

to just do that if you want uh you can look at me with no clothes on for a while okay you want to

no you like girls sorry do you like girls or boys i want to choke you i want to choke you and cut

your hair you hear me what the hell you're doing i want to choke you and tie you up and cut your

hair shave your head bald and eat and eat the hair i like it shut the fuck up i like asian boy

hair okay fine downy hair is that okay bye

fucking crazy i want to cut your hair and eat it

that's when the weirdness comes out sometimes with carlito who's this reverend in winchester

hello hello is that the reverend yeah oh that's nice that's nice listen i needed help i was

was dreaming and i had a dream that i was with another man and i'm a married you know married

to a woman right now you know those english ministers they don't give a shit reverends

like that over in england they don't really get into the church they just work like yeah

yeah listen why you have this do what you want attitude with me aren't you a reverend god damn

fuck him i guess he only works when you put something in there you need to put in on this

man yeah you're scaring me that was a prank call where i told the guy i wanted to punch him and

choke him from behind he's like you're scaring me that was recently call him back and tell him

you accidentally put your dentures in the collection plate oh okay you'll probably pick

up too i'll tell him it was my dentures because the devil hello this is uh the woman

All right, let me continue.

Are you, like, in an AC unit or something?

Sorry, there's, like, a giant fan behind me.

Wow, that thing is massive, man.

It's like a wind machine.

Okay, well, we are tapped out currently for loads of loser numbers,

but I can keep up with the request of pranks here.

It is now 11.55 p.m. on August the 1st.

Thanks for tuning in to Madhouse Radio.

radio we are of course a weekly show generally here once a week on thursdays lately i've been

doing some daytime shows so be on the lookout for that mondays or tuesday mornings or i might do a

show let's keep an eye on the facebook or twitter feed you know get a heads up when that happens

or youtube if you subscribe to youtube you should be getting an alert also uh yeah all right and

Also, keep in mind, if you miss a show or you want to listen to a show again before it's put on a podcast,

because I run behind on a podcast sometimes,

but if you want to hear a show that you might have missed or want to re-hear before it's edited up,

you can go to our YouTube channel, Madhouse Radio on YouTube,

and every show for the most part is on there.

The video feed is, at least, so you can listen to what you miss.

There is no excuse to say...

So it's on the video and the audio is with it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, my goal is to start taking those down, though, after I edit the podcast, you know

what I mean?

But people seem to still like going there.

The numbers, you know, the viewers show up and there's still comments every week on older

shows and stuff.

So people are watching them.

I hate to take them down.

No, I just don't like it because they're unedited, you know, so they have full names and phone

numbers sometimes and sometimes.

Yeah, that you need to change.

Yeah, there's no way to change that.

that so i might just end up with you know you can watch it on youtube for you know until it

hits a podcast and then i'll take it down and if you want to catch it you gotta download it and

listen to it and i'm not doing any video editing fuck that that's way too much work i can barely

do audio editing let alone video never get shit out the biggest bro dude cut it uh someone saw

on instagram he saw someone who entered in some sort of drawing might be funny if you tell him

him he won and make him do something crazy on the phone here's a link to the instagram picture let

me see loading an instagram picture he uh posted a some kind of raffle ticket here not sure what it

is he was raffling for but he put his phone number on it but it's hard because i don't know what to

tell him he won man whoever sent this in i can give him a call i think he's in the

marines this is spc is that a marine designation milkman do you know spc justin and then his last

name yeah i think that's the main society that's a specialist right so he's probably like a humane

society what that's aspca yeah the humane society what are you talking about hey is this justin

yes sir you have ticket number 438 g2 shall i type out you have ticket number 438 g2 do i have

ticket number 438 g2 yes from what sir uh from the drawing the contest you have the ticket number

Number 438G2.

What won?

What drawing?

Just the yellow paper that you filled out the information on the yellow paper.

Yes, I do.

You won.

Congratulations.

You're approved.

Approved of what?

You're approved.

You win.

I win what?

You win your choice of Hyundai car 2013 model.

Can you tell me my name, please?

I don't want to freak out and just get wild and happy if I'm just being scammed.

Oh, it's okay, big guy.

Don't worry about it.

I'll have you down as specialist, Justin.

What else is right on that card, sir?

You've got your address here.

Congratulations.

Is there something right on the bottom of the card?

It says Dream Chasers.

Did I really win the vehicle, sir?

You won the vehicle.

Congratulations.

You got your dream.

I definitely did.

Thank you.

I don't really know what to do right now.

All right.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

Yeah, so are you insured right now?

Do you have auto insurance?

Because that is...

I can get auto insurance, you know.

Oh, very good, big man.

All right, yeah, okay.

Well, congratulations, you know.

All right, we'll talk to you later.

What do I do about this now?

Yeah, just come on down to the studio,

to the studio and you can they're gonna have a few people here they're gonna shake your hand

and everything and i think the newsman will be here and every you know it's just you know

congratulations damn it can i do that tomorrow possibly yeah tomorrow's fine come on down

down tomorrow yeah okay um well can you can you please repeat what just happened the ticket i put

my hand in the box and i pulled i pulled out a ticket this this this was at a carnival correct

no no uh did you want that i don't understand what do you mean no i mean like you got the ticket

you pulled out of a box like i i understand you've repeated exactly what i wrote but i i just i mean

And then you win the damn contest when I pulled out the ticket.

It says your name on here and a phone number, and I call and I say,

Hey, man, Justin, you win the prize.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Congratulations.

So where do I have to come?

You come down, down to the studio.

You'll wear yourself a nice polo shirt, a nice pair of slacks.

I'm going to dress up beyond belief.

Oh, beautiful.

Very nice.

Yeah.

Okay.

What studio do I come to?

Studio.

Number 12.

Like what neighborhood we're at.

Okay.

Thank you, everybody, for listening.

Steve?

Steve, I need to talk to you for a second about the vehicle.

Am I being pranked?

I'm sorry.

It was funny.

It was a prank call.

No.

I don't think it is.

Nobody has any idea what I wrote on that piece of paper.

This is not a prank call.

This is serious.

I have to put the lawyer on the line.

Steve, I need to talk to you about this vehicle for a second.

Can you step away from the phone or just do a little conference?

So you know Jeff, the intern?

Yeah.

We have to order it, and it'll take like a month to get it.

And then we'll forget about it.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

He's gone.

Yeah, he's gone.

What is this?

Oh, there you go.

anytime i get involved that's it it's over i don't know what dream chasers is it's some kind

of instagram hashtag dream chasers not sure what it is but they took it he seemed to be very

i don't know overwhelmed at the prospect of having won the prize he said that you knew what

he wrote on the ticket it was in a bucket at a carnival oh okay that's what he knew he wrote

down that ticket ticket man that's how i validated this has to be true i don't know what you wrote

on the ticket i told him i had a box and i stuck my hand in the box yeah you do a little chicken

tell him this is a carnival call him i don't i seriously don't know what the fuck that was about

it was just a request to prank okay i'm trying to see if i can see his account at least maybe

Maybe if I see his account, I'd know.

It doesn't say.

All right.

Who cares?

We just crushed somebody's dreams there for the night.

We could call him back and say we're from the old redemption department and ask him where to send the vehicle.

Yeah, and ask for his social security number.

Cool.

Yeah.

Desmond is a Christian professional looking for a man to share his one-bedroom apartment.

All right.

This was sent eight days ago.

That sounds fishy.

Yeah.

This is from eight days ago, though.

This was sent in by Ken.

Hey, big guy, Big Ken.

Hello, hello, hello.

You sent this for the show last week that didn't occur.

Big Ken.

What number is that?

Desmond, a Christian professional looking for a man to share his one-bedroom apartment.

Did that get pranked during the week later on?

No, it didn't.

It's a fresh number.

All right.

Well, it's older, but yeah, it's not fresh, but it's...

It's fresh and it's unmolested.

Yeah, okay.

It's an uneaten number.

All right.

Baz is trying to call in, too.

Let me get him on here.

I'm seriously going to end the show.

My brain is kicking, man.

Oh, that sucks.

I'm going to take some ibuprofen or something.

Hello?

Yeah, hey, how are you?

I see you're a Christian man looking to share an apartment there.

Yeah, I already have someone, actually.

Is he a Mormon?

No.

Because that's not really Christian, you know?

I know it's not.

Yeah, what is he?

Protestant?

What is he?

He's a Christian.

I don't know.

He can't pick a religion.

He's just whatever he wants to do.

Like, he thinks God is just going to live in a secular life as much as he can

and just say he's just Christian, huh?

Well, but I'm going to be open next month, so you can still call me

unless you don't mind sharing.

I'm a bigger Christian.

I'm with the Church of the Machine, you know?

Church of the Machine?

Yeah, the Jesus Machine.

That's what it's called, Church of the Machine of Jesus Christ.

That's the name of the church.

and jesus is making a machine of lettering mechanics he's gonna write it write it down

to earth for the apocalypse and he's gonna sit on it's like a massive uh it's like a big spider

what's your name oh my name is eddie eddie yeah hey man so all right yeah so the jesus machine

and it's got, like, these penises on it and everything,

and they shoot out and they chase people.

Mm-hmm.

So are you calling in regards to the room,

or what are you calling in regards to?

Well, I'm a really devout Christian,

and you've got someone there who's just, you know,

probably goes to church on Easter and Christmas,

and that's it, you know?

I understand you, but I'm trying to figure out the reason for the call.

And then he thinks everything is all right, probably.

Well, because I'm interested in the room, you know,

No, but you've got someone there now, and I'm a bigger, I'm a better Christian.

I don't live a secular lifestyle like that person.

So you should put me in instead of him.

You should tell him he needs to go because of his secular ways, you know?

All right.

I'll give you a call tomorrow.

Do you watch TV, television a lot?

Oh, I watch news.

I don't watch news.

I don't even watch that.

I watch the 400 Club.

That's the only TV show I watch.

Then I turn off.

I turn it off.

You really called me at a bad time.

Can you call me tomorrow?

Why?

What's going on?

Are you having sex with a roommate now?

Huh?

It's a bad time.

They're both in the bed right now.

Fucking.

You called him fucking mid-stroke.

I think so.

It's not a good time.

Call me after stroke.

He's probably right behind him right now.

He's fucking going down his phone.

You called me at a bad time.

Fuck you.

I guess it's not.

Here's another one you sent in last week

Big Ken, Big Bob looking for a mature female

To share his condo near the beach

Big Bob

That's in all caps, that's Big, Big Bob

That's what it says

Hey Carlito

I had a couple people asking

About fantasy football there

Fantasy football, oh yeah

See but I don't want to do the draft

Until after preseason

At least the last week of preseason

Yeah, because you never know who's getting signed, who's getting hurt.

Every year, the last two seasons, a big quarterback has gotten, or a big player,

at least a few big players get crushed in the preseason, man.

They're going to just stop playing them pretty soon.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice.

In chat, Derek the Ferret and Cyclone were asking when the invites were going to go out.

I'm going to take care of the invites.

I was going to do it tonight, but, dude, my head is just killing me.

I can't look at the screen.

I didn't even know how many teams we were going with this year.

Well, I think, what did we say?

Did we say the same number of teams,

or were we going to eliminate two spots this time?

What did we do last year, 12?

I think it was 12, yeah.

And we had Richie or whatever fucking disappear and never touch his team.

Yeah, Richie disappeared and never touched his team.

So we had more like 11 and one bye.

One bye team, basically.

Yeah.

I don't know.

We can go down to 10.

It depends on how many people are interested.

I don't know.

Yeah, because how much of a good, I mean, if we do 10, there's a better pool of players, I think.

Yeah, there'll be a lot more points because there'll be, you know, that many less players on those two other teams.

Yeah, all right, so we'll shoot for 10 this year, and I'll send out invites to everyone from last season except for Richie,

and I think we get to keep one player as well from last.

If you were in last season's draft, you'll get to keep one player, all right?

And at some point we'll have to kick, I guess, kick people out or they don't hurry up and join.

I don't know how it works exactly.

I'll figure it out tomorrow.

If you have any extra stops, I might be sure.

All right.

Uh-oh, we're getting a phone call.

Shit.

I'm going to screen it.

Hang on.

Okay.

I've sent the caller a voicemail.

Your caller just hung up.

Goodbye.

No voicemail left.

Oh, well.

I don't know who that was.

I'd have to check by the area code.

I'll try again.

Okay.

I've sent the caller a voicemail.

Your caller just hung up.

Goodbye.

All right.

They're not wanting to talk.

I'll let them call in one more time, see if they say, at least leave a voicemail.

Yeah, I heard you, Baz, if you want to be on.

Yeah, there might be, because there were a few people who weren't regular listeners to

the show, so they might not be around right now.

Cool.

They just kind of, well, there were podcast listeners who heard about it on the podcast.

They might not be listening anymore.

Okay.

We're not in.

We had that one dude out of Chicago or something that got screwed during a draft because he

he didn't show up and he was getting like real shitty picks well yeah because he had a rainstorm

right he was out he went out to go eat for dinner and he got caught in a rainstorm yeah it was a

thunderstorm yeah and he didn't get back in time and he was it was like drafted real shitty players

for him he had like no quarterbacks he was all pissed off remember he kept trying to do trades

and his trades will get wouldn't go through but someone else would get the same player and shit

like that i forgot what it was he was like real upset it was like he had to set for like top

ranked players so like he kept drafting all these different players but no quarterbacks

quarterback man you gotta get a quarterback man anyway here's a moving sale everything must go

friday tomorrow seven till two name brand men's women's juniors and little boys clothes furniture

tools trains bed linens coke and nascar items lamps glassware old coolers new items still in

boxes we game never opened and men's dusting boots wore once okay everything must go and we

got a phone number let's wake them up ask if they're ready big garage sale i'm gonna tell

her it's a foreclosure sale see what she says call has been forwarded to an automatic voice

message system no answer there but here's the third time this guy's calling in see if he says

something this time hey i sent the caller to voicemail does that access the caller's voicemail

Send the caller to voicemail.

Hey, Eddie.

You just called me regarding a room, but I missed your call.

Give me a call back.

Hello?

Are you there?

Oh, that's him calling back.

That's the Christian guy, I think.

He's already kicked the fucker out.

You're his new fucking roommate.

He realized that you were the better Christian.

I guess so.

I'm tired of you and your secular ways.

He's over there.

And he made a good point.

Get the fuck out.

So tell him you're considering converting to Islam.

Tell him I watch Christian porn now.

What would that be?

I don't know.

I have no idea.

Continuing on.

Let's see what else we got here.

21-year-old Japanese female looking as she...

Okay.

I'm not going to be on much longer.

I know I keep saying that, but every time I open my eyes and look at this one screen,

it's so bright.

I get that Jim Stewart headache thing.

Hello?

Yeah.

Hey, is this Eddie?

Yeah, what's the problem?

Why do you keep calling?

Because you called me and you're telling me shit about my roommate, Mr. Christian.

Yeah, so why do you call back?

Why do you want to fight?

That's not very Christian-like.

No, I don't want to fight.

I'm just wondering how a Christian-like person or somebody who claims to be Christian would be so dumb and reason like that.

Well, you know.

Someone who's Christian would be using what guidance to reason.

The Bible tells us.

You don't know the Bible.

You don't know shit.

Yes, I do.

I read the Bible.

Before you conclude and start saying shit about people you don't know,

you might want to read that Bible once again.

Knowing the Bible doesn't mean you're a follower or you're a believer.

Oh, you're not a...

Listen, even Satan...

Shut up!

He can't quote the Bible or anything.

Put him on mute.

He's a Japanese girl.

So next time you want to do shit, you know, think about stuff.

Just don't run your mouth.

Simply because Christian or whatever the hell.

And next time, have respect for people.

Did you know you're not going to heaven because you're not white?

If you fuck your roommate, don't think everyone fucks their roommate, all right?

Uh-huh.

So you do.

That's why you were busy.

You had to go fuck your roommate, right?

No, what do you mean I was busy?

I don't have time for an asshole like you.

What's my time?

So you want an asshole like your roommate's tight little asshole.

That's what you were doing now.

You're fucking him.

And now you're calling him.

You sound Jewish.

Are you Jewish, you idiot?

No, I'm Christian, I said.

You know, Jewish are not, sound very, you know, arrogant and stupid.

And you sound very stupid.

And Hispanics and Africans have a stupid accent like you do.

They don't go to heaven because they're not clear and impure.

Listen, we're talking about heaven.

Are you Illuminati or something?

No, you're not.

Sounds very hopeless.

So, do me a favor.

Next time you want to call any other person, you know, and roommate with those people.

I don't roommate with idiots.

I'm a Freemason.

Okay, there you go.

he didn't want to let me talk he's mr attitude he's twisting his neck over there

am i a jew

yeah i was trying to tell him that that you can't curse and be a christian

well he didn't care for that either you sound like a jew sir yeah i'm a jew i sound so jewish

the rent the rent he's the landlord right who's the jew get out of here um i do have a new request

Just a prank here or two we can do.

Flutterpie, who's hanging out in the chat room, sent in,

a rogue bastard stole this guy's truck.

Here is the Craigslist ad.

Yeah, and I think it's that person's first live show they're listening to.

Yeah, yeah.

Welcome.

Glad you finally made it.

Finally had time on a Thursday or whenever it is that we're on.

Glad things worked out for us tonight, me and you, Flutterpie.

All right, here's that.

We got a real bad echo on the line.

All right, let me try to reset the microphone.

Maybe that's it.

Just a minute.

Fuck.

She's attacking her cat.

Still on echo.

You're good.

Good.

Cool.

Okay, here's a Hampton Inn.

Please do a George Zimmerman tribute show by calling hotels.

Claiming you're George Zimmerman.

I don't want to do that.

That's not funny.

You're a George Zimmerman offering services of a security guard working to keep America N-word free.

Very classy, Cactus.

Yeah, no.

I don't think we're going to do that, buddy.

But thanks anyway.

Thank you for contributing.

And then KDK's number, which we already called.

The N-word abolishers of America.

If you call KDK again, he's probably going to charge you with a hate crime.

I'll call him again.

Hang on.

You guys want to talk to him?

We should all talk to him.

Yeah, call him up.

All right, let's see what he's up to.

Dear Jesus.

Hey.

He's got to be happy.

It's his old friends, Ted, Neil, and Carlito.

Milkman.

Milkman, you're his friend, too.

Let's see.

Hey, big guy, how are you?

Hey, yeah, this is Carlito.

I'm here with your old friends.

Say hi, guys.

Hello.

Carlito.

What do you have for me, Carlito?

You don't sound well.

God bless you.

It doesn't sound well.

Hey, what's up, man?

I have a headache.

No, I'm serious.

You don't sound well.

What's wrong?

I have a headache.

No, I don't mean that.

I mean, like, your voice sounds all fucked up.

No, no, I'm fine.

No, I've got a migraine, dude.

It's killing me.

I'm looking at the screen, and it's bright.

Okay, good.

Yeah.

So, it's just me.

Okay, good.

Me, Ted, Neo, Baz, and this guy, Ken, you don't know, Milkman.

We just want to say hi.

And how's, is everything?

Okay, well, hello to everyone.

Hello.

Are you healing up okay?

Hi.

Are you healing up?

Are you healing okay?

As you can hear, I'm getting into my car right now.

Oh, but are you okay?

The face healing and all that from the big attack, the knife attack?

I don't know what you mean by that.

You got attacked with a box cutter.

Yes, you're right.

Yeah.

Are you healed up okay and all that?

Do you have no problems with your musculature?

The blade was so sharp and the cut was so clean that it's going to heal without any visible

scutter.

Thank God.

Yeah, thank God.

Thank God.

So are you going to work?

Are you coming home from work?

No, I'm actually about to go get ready.

Oh, you're fancying a bum.

All right, KDK, yeah.

No, actually, no, I'm not gay anymore.

I suppose once you're gay, you're always gay.

You're straight.

Are you going to be with a girl?

I'm all pussy right now.

You are what you are.

That's good.

Very good.

Very good, sir.

Is she a young, nice young, nice little pussy and all that?

What's her point in color?

Does she have a nice...

Everyone wants me to call you, so I'm calling you.

I'm just doing a show Thursday, you know.

And I'm doing my own thing.

Everyone says, call KDK.

You're such a negative a-hole all the time.

Well, I'm stalking you also, you know.

You're stalking me.

Yeah, and I'm sandbagging you.

And I told you earlier tonight that if you called me again,

I would be considered harassed.

So it's after more than three times I know that.

You taught me that.

It is harassment now.

After three.

All right, so then that's the kettle call on the pot black.

I know, I know.

It's hypocritical of me to accuse somebody of harassment after I've harassed so many people.

Yeah, so you're going to do that.

You're going to have sex with a woman now.

What's with you, man?

What happened?

You changed.

Life is strange.

I guess so.

You changed, man.

It sure is strange.

You used to be cool.

You've got to pick up every itch.

All right.

Two rabbits running in the ditch.

Okay.

I don't know.

Listen.

You're the reason of the witch.

Seriously, be careful.

okay out there with that girl yeah well all right the last time i told you about my boyfriend right

your boyfriend my ex-boyfriend well the guy that lived next door that attacked you was crazy yeah

the guy i don't know where that story comes from maybe i told him that doesn't seem like it's a

part of reality you had a video where you showed hey everybody look i got cut under my eye and this

is drunk bill oh yeah yeah oh yeah when it first happened that cut was really bad yeah and now

It was like something out of a evil bed.

Did you guys make up?

What did I say on the air?

Did I say that he caused it?

You said he did.

Yeah, you said Drunk Bill attacked you.

No, no, no.

That was completely radio.

Okay.

All right.

Okay, mystery man.

You're the fucking, you're the most awesome radio bit guy.

You're right.

I forgot.

Wow.

You got us all.

Why are you being Christian?

No, because you know that's, you came out and you said it was true and now it's not

true.

Like when you had a kid, you said.

It is radio.

She has a black child.

You have a black child, too, right?

Yes, I have a black daughter.

Okay.

Her name is Shaniqua.

Shaniqua.

I thought it was Triclita.

Is she a house Negro or a field Negro?

If you believe that one, I'll tell you more.

What else you got?

The cancer thing?

Didn't you say you had cancer in the ass?

Yeah, ass cancer.

No, no, no.

I never claimed I had cancer.

It was a cyst.

I did claim to shoot myself in the head on the air once.

Uh-huh.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, because you scared a lot of people at night.

That was one of those things that was partially true.

The gun accidentally went off and blew a hole in the ceiling.

Okay.

And then I got scared, and then I had to get out of the air immediately

because I was afraid the cops were going to come.

But they didn't.

No one cared.

They did have, let alone they didn't know because I left.

Okay, okay.

And then you told me to have the Fulmosers leave you alone.

You said to call them off.

Huh?

You said the Fulmosers were attacking you, and you wanted me to call them off.

You tried to do a backroom, no negotiation through me that one time?

I don't know anything about that.

You were very drunk, and you called me.

You said the phone losers were attacking you, and you wanted...

Well, I was probably on the air.

So when I'm on the air, you've got to understand it's not reality.

It was off air.

You called me off air.

You said, you were like, I want to do a backroom negotiation kind of thing.

Okay, maybe I pretended I was off air, but you were probably actually on the air.

Okay, all right.

Good point.

Oh, he's just the master of disguises.

He's an enigma

Wrapped in a cipher

Smothered in secret sauce

We're going to do a prank call

You can stay on or you can hang up

I know you're going to go get laid

No, I'm not going to do a prank call

So I'm going to hang up now

Bye, God bless you

God bless you, asshole

Son of a bitch

Be careful, okay

And nobody believes you're going to get as a pussy either

Is that Brian Davies?

hello yeah brian davies yes yeah are you the woman that's going to sleep with david with kdk

he's coming over to have some sex with you apparently i think you've got the wrong number

and stop talking rubbish and don't ring again garbage i'm talking rubbish garbage that's how i

say dirty bitch excuse me ma'am how could you not be gay anymore that's how you talk rubbish

but you say half-eaten sandwiches, rotten lettuce.

I thought homosexuality was not a choice.

Hello?

In Russia, they'll kill you for it now.

What the hell?

Hello?

Brian Davies?

Okay, they're not talking.

Hello?

Well, I think Keith just tried it out,

and then he regretted it

because he kept trying to hook up with KDK a lot after that, I thought.

I thought Keith turned into a meth head.

He moved into, like, his parents' attic or something.

Well, if KDK was on the air,

as you heard it probably wasn't true that wasn't really kdk that was radio yeah the guy we just

talked to now wasn't even kdk because he was on the radio it's a guy who pretends to be kdk when

you call him yep that son of a bitch cannot tell the truth i don't get it i give up man

i don't know why he's being so deflected i'm like dude like you're saying this is like i don't know

where you got that from well the video you made when you got it harassed me the number of times

So he harassed the shit out of people

Yeah

Oh boy

Well good for him if he's getting some vagina

That's good nothing feels better than that

I mean I'm sure if I were gay I'd like some ass

But vagina

He's probably hooking up with a hermaphrodite

Probably

Or transsexual something

The guys on this conference line

I'll tell you it feels good

Right Ted you've got a vasectomy

So you don't even have to wear rubber and shit man

You're like yeah

You're a cream pie

Sorry

why wouldn't you if i had a vasectomy that's what i told brent westwood i was like hey man you got

that vasectomy a month ago and he was like yeah i was like hey you're gonna do that creep pie with

your wife now i was like what like yeah man of course i don't know what that means if you're

married come on that's why you got the vasectomy so you because you're married you got one partner

and you're gonna you know you're gonna finish the deed without having to wear anything you know

that's that's what that means yeah that's what it's for from what i understand i thought that

That was like what humans have done

since antiquity.

Now there's a special name for it.

Getting a reception.

No, but you know what a cream pie is.

You finish inside.

Come on.

You don't watch that porno, Ted Webb,

or is it blocked?

Yeah, Katie.

Soup in the chat says you need to call Katie K. back

and do a...

Ask him what a cream pie is.

No, do a survey about his

recent interview.

Circumcision.

Leave him alone.

He's going to go get laid.

He's happy.

That's what he really needs.

He doesn't sound happy.

He's going to his night job as a lot lizard over at the truck stop.

He was calling you negative.

He sounds super negative.

God.

God bless the guy, though.

He's still there.

He did that last week when we called him on, I think, either the Friday or the Saturday show.

He was like, uh, no, I'm not going to do a prank with you.

And he was just being a real asshole about it.

Yeah.

Well, that's, I still want to hear that.

That was last Saturday, yeah, or Friday.

Saturday, you and Aaron were on the line with him.

Yeah, Brad's been trying to call him, trying to get him to do a prank with him.

That's why I called him, too.

Brad sent me the number.

Brad's on a mission to get KDK on our side, I guess.

There's a dude named Gary who wants to bring a show over to the Madhouse Network.

I've heard, I've seen your message.

So when the show's over, I'll send you a Skype invite and an email address so we can figure out what you got going on, what your show's like, and when you'd want to go on.

No problem.

That goes for anybody else listening who wants to take a stab at taking a show.

But you've got to have a good microphone and a good headset to start out with, you know, man?

You've got to be able to do it.

If you say, I want to do a show, okay, and then you're like, well, what do I do now?

Like, well, do the research.

I'm going to do one more prank call, and I'm going to call it a night.

A little bit earlier than normal, but that's what it is.

You whore.

Sorry.

Did we call Brian Cambridge already?

UK number?

Yeah, UK number.

Someone, who wants to do this?

Anyone?

UK?

Yeah, Snozzville.

I'll talk to him.

Brian, Brian Cambridge.

I may or may not have called him already.

If I did, I'm sorry, but whatever.

There you go.

Good luck.

End on a high note.

Hello?

Hello.

Can I speak with Brian Cambridge, please?

I know you're there.

This is David Snodswell with the Royal Service.

Answer immediately.

It's imperative.

Okay, well, I guess they're not going to talk to me.

I guess not.

No, they hung up anyway.

Okay.

Well, I'm done.

I'm going to take some medicine from my head and watch some Netflix and take a nap.

I'm going to play video games, like KDK would say, because no one's sending him numbers.

Okay.

We're sandbagging you.

We're sandbagging me.

Ted already disconnected, so good night, Ted, I guess.

Thanks for being rude and not saying bye, like a gentleman.

Bye, Neo.

Take care.

good talking to you again see ya

big baz see you later

you're out of here on your ass

alright Ken the horse fucker you're out of here man

host negro

alright I'll set up the fantasy

football team this weekend

milkman are you here still

you were here you talked about circumcision a moment ago

remember milkman

milkman's trying to talk

anyway while milkman is working

on coming back I'm gonna say

big hey ha ha ha

wanna say thank you to everyone listening on the

the cacti radio it's usually the forward cacti radio network which is now live prank call network

and so we're phone losers.org i guess would be the site to go to uh ted you just heard him on

with us for the night he's a blue planet prank radio.net i think i always screw it up i gotta

put that shit on a sticky and leave it right here in the monitor man because every time i come to

say it i don't know exactly what to say blue plank blue planet prank radio we're on there

And, of course, everyone listening on 98.6 The Mouth, our Madhouse station on 24-7, and the YouTube watchers, we appreciate you all.

Milkman, take us out of here like only you can.

Oh, yeah.

All right.

Wow.

There you go.

Another fantastic installment.

There it is.

All right.

Man, we had a lot of people showed up tonight.

Thanks a lot to Ted Webber and everybody for stopping by and Neo and Karen and Vance and everybody else.

Thanks a lot.

Yeah, but we've definitely got to get our fists held high for the numbers.

Man, thank you so much.

I learned some news, and we did that.

Man, that's right.

Everybody that stopped in and joined us here, and I listened in, and that's right.

It's not an anniversary until it's an anniversary.

But anyway, I want to thank everybody for sticking around for all this time,

and welcome you to come back next week, because we do this every week.

It's an active show you can find right here on the Internet, man.

We do this thing for free, totally 100% for free.

we drop the time

we just ask

if it's the time

bring a friend

and radio

bring an enemy

they're always

welcome right here

in the madhouse

but we do it

without a fearless

leader

the hermanito

keep away

my brother

thank you so much

man

yes thank you

milkman

and of course

a big thank you

to lonesome loser

for helping us

as always

milkman I really

thank you

but I always

like to give you

another thanks

because you're

the man

man

yeah Brent

loves it

when lonesome

is around

he's like

oh man

I can't find

lonesome

it's going to

be a bad night

because lonesome

does a good job helping us out.

Not just us. He helps out

other shows on this network and

elsewhere. He has got a good

relationship with KDK,

Rev, and stuff like that, so that's cool.

All right.

We're calling it a night. Y'all have

a good weekend. We will talk to

you on the flip side

next week on August the 8th.

8-8-13 will be our next show.

You have a look out. I might be in the mood

to do a show during the day

Monday morning or Tuesday

morning. Milkman's usually

sleeping at that time, so he can't join us,

but I do a pretty good job of my... I might still be coming on

Tuesday. Okay, Tuesday morning.

All right, we'll talk. Let me know.

We're for sure with our time.

I'll let you know when I come to bed.

Okay, well, we'll talk. Hey, you know what? I want you

to give me a call after this thing here, man.

But I want to mention one thing. Have you checked

out the Mocha Pro

Bluetooth controller for Android

Black 1? No, I have not.

out this thing's fucking bomb dude i finally figured out how to how to get it working and

programmed and this thing is great man you can just go like it's just like on the playstation

on your phone dude that's exactly what it's like because you get the same kind of controller with

all the buttons on it on a tiny screen yeah yeah you don't have to touch the screen no more man i

just put it over you know on like on easel yeah you know whatever and it's got room it actually

So you can hold it on the controller.

Smaller phones, I think, up to like the S, what is it, the Galaxy Note, dude, the biggest it'll take on there.

Oh, that's pretty cool.

You can hold it inside the cradle.

It's fucking cool, dude.

It's a lithium battery.

Cool.

All right, man.

I'll talk to you.

All right.

Bye, everybody.

Ha!

Calls (26, 59 min of 1 h 57 min)

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