Shh, I’m Wearing a Skirt

have my fun skirt too don't tell anyone it's a secret come on dude cut to the chase guess what

i'm wearing right now a skirt my fun skirt good evening everybody madhouse radio on air thank you

for being here with us this evening i am carlito the host of the show milkman will be joining us

later in theory in theory is all i can say i can only vouch for theory theoretical uh idea that

But Milkman will be joining us later.

He was going to be joining us at the top of the show, but had to call his mommy.

He was like, Mommy, Mama.

Mama, Mama.

That's Milkman.

Mama, Mama.

I need money, Mama.

That's Milkman.

But I will do the show by myself, just fine.

I don't even need that big, crazy, fucking, huggable snuggle bear.

Hey, guys, if you want to send in your request, you can do so tonight over at MadHouseLive.com.

That's the website.

site that is the command center central of the madhouse machine and from there you can send in

your prank call request so do that i encourage you to we always encourage you to participate as

much as you can we've always aimed to be the most participatory prank call internet radio show out

there ever since we started to give you the ability to join if you meet certain standards you know

Hey, whatever.

Anyway, we'll be getting to your prank calls.

MadhouseLive.com, as I said, there's a request to prank feature there.

Also, the chat room where you can join the rest of your fellow Madhouse Live listeners.

Even if you're a podcast listener, stop by sometime, MadhouseLive.com, join the chat, and just say what's up.

It's usually pretty active.

All right, cool.

Well, we're waiting for the Lonesome Loser.

He's our usual, you know, confirmer, main confirmer, the main vein, for lack of a better term,

when it comes to confirming prank calls or numbers that we're going to be doing.

However, I do have lists of numbers here and requests to pranks that people have sent in during the week, including some from tonight.

Nepasa Cobra has sent in a number about a guy looking for Jeff.

Apparently, Jeff is buying his boat.

This guy called looking for Jeff earlier today.

I don't know if they called Cobra's work or not.

I love it when I get wrong numbers because I do save the numbers and I do pass them on.

I told him wrong number and I'm passing on the info.

Awesome.

Thank you, MPSA Cobra.

where you're doing the right thing and you could have held on to that you know for aaron's show

well you got much love for madhouse and i got much love for you even though you have a i'm not

gonna bring that up on the end i'm kidding i don't know what i'm talking about here's that

oh shit what was his name yeah listen are you trying to buy this boat from jeff i can't hear

you are you trying to buy this boat from jeff what hang on asshole don't go anywhere i gotta

to set the microphone are you there hello hey see usually milkman catches when i forget to set the

microphone at the beginning of the show which is every freaking week since he wasn't here hello

hello yeah can you hear me now yeah oh i'm sorry i had a bad cell listen um are you trying to buy

this boat from jeff what are you trying to buy this boat from jeff a boat boat the boat a boat

that jeff is selling no you called jeff about buying a boat call somebody about buying uh at

at a dealership you're good yeah that's that's gonna be mine all right i just want you to know

that yeah no no it's not yeah it is i'm i want that boat and i ordered it special and you're

not gonna get it i'm gonna get it instead i already paid extra money and paid people

under the table and if you know what's good for you you're not gonna make a big deal about it

you get yourself another boat all right you know i don't know which one you're talking about yeah

you know the one the special boat you know which one the one that you really like that you really

wanted jeff said oh this guy here he really wants this he really wants this boat well you're not

gonna get it you're robert right no i don't know you know who you're talking to man listen you're

not gonna get the boat it's mine i don't you got the wrong number i think look don't buy a boat

all right you better not buy a boat at all in this town if you know what's good for you

bullshit excuse me need to play a song here now our good friend uk godfather is blasting me

saying i want to be on and now he's the guys you all know i've got problems with uk godfather

because he has really bad audio he breathes into the microphone and his numbers are usually just

taxi companies or they don't pick up or their hospitals in the uk uh here we are he sent in

v cars the same taxi place he can see he's got a thing out for these v cars in bristol in the

the united kingdom that's all he wants us to do uk godfather you're a weird guy man uh just to

use the old blast him if you can if they can pick me up from a sauna and take me to the local

hospital because i think i've got a terminal illness and i need an emergency taxi i don't

think any of that's necessary uh uk godfather but thank you we can call the number how about that

how about you let me just call the number big guy all right let me do the the creative thinking

Yeah, listen, you know who this UK Godfather guy is?

Because he's got a thing out for you.

He's real upset at you, apparently.

What'd you do to him?

Yeah, you know who I'm talking about?

I do.

Oh, well, he really hates you.

He thinks you're an asshole.

He was telling me that this company is an asshole.

Yeah.

So what did you do, man?

What did you do?

Were you late picking them up?

Well, as far as I know, I haven't been late picking anybody up

because I've had no pre-booked bookings.

Yeah, but how many bookings you guys got like a day, let's say?

Depends on the day.

A night, a busy night, how many?

Busy night?

Yeah.

Well, from when I come in, it could be anything up to 1,000 jobs.

1,000 jobs a night.

So you're a pretty big company then.

I don't know, you got like what, let's say about 30 drivers maybe?

maybe? A few more than that.

A few more than that? Wow, so you guys

are pretty big, and you're in Bristol, is it?

Bristol? That's correct. Alright,

alright, so you don't get a lot of tourists

and Americans, you just, you're driving

people around, like, what

are mostly, do you take people to work?

Work, traveling to the,

you know. Yeah, traveling around,

going to get some groceries?

Well, not so much on the night time,

no. No, night time. You know, picking up

from clubs and things, mainly on the night time.

Oh, nice sexy girls and stuff like that?

I have no idea because I don't get to see them.

Oh, you don't?

That sucks, right?

Oh, you know those girls, they come out so pretty from the nightclub.

You just want to smell their hair, you know?

Yeah, it does suck.

Yeah, I'm stuck in the office.

Yeah, and you just want to smell their hair and touch their skin and everything

and smell their necks and smell their perfume and their hair products.

I love it, man.

I love women.

Women are...

I'm just thinking there's an American number you're ringing off of them.

Yeah, yeah.

I just love women.

Don't you think women are just so hot and sexy?

Well, I have a really good time to talk about that.

So you like boys?

You like a nice Adam's apple?

I like Harry, man.

Nice musky scent on the man.

From his natural pheromones.

Is that what you like?

That's cool if you do.

I understand.

Is that what you like?

What do you like?

Tell me.

No.

Come on.

You want to say sex stories?

I never get to say sex stories with guys on the phone.

I try that and every time they hang up.

Wow.

There you go, UK Godfather.

Please stop sending in V-cards, UK Godfather.

father because they're never good they're the guy usually just hangs up when you call him because

he's used to getting prank called probably by you so i gotta make up weird stories to get anything

of value out of that guy and i'm just i'm burnt out on v cars every time v car thank you everybody

for being here tonight again as i've said and we continue on with the show uk godfather reminded

me that there was never anything open 24 hours a day in the uk well that's your problem what do

do you do if you're on the road and you gotta take a big shit no where do you guys they probably

just take a shit in the street in the uk that's probably common they piss the shit in the street

um all right big kid asking who the fuck is jim stewart jim stewart never heard of him no he's

a friend of a show he does a lot of prank calls he's got a website jimstewart.com moving back to

request a prank i'll see if there's anything else here yes there is we got some more numbers coming

in here we got a number from the arm the arm this is our old friend tombstone who was blocked on

skype for asking stupid questions just like uk godfather uh wants some content for the snow

oh okay he already sent this to brad i guess people are applying for jobs and sending resumes

i don't do he sent the copy paste and it's all formatted with time stamps and i can't make heads

or tails of a tombstone what's your problem man just tell me what it is don't copy paste shit

if you're gonna copy paste clean it up bro i don't got time for i ain't no one got time for that

vanessa really really wants a man to come share her apartment or i guess that's the case

since she typed all in caps reports ken this is in california vanessa is looking to share her

apartment with a man a man i say i don't have i don't have a link to the ad ken i could use that

sir but i will call it nonetheless thank you give me a link to that ad big ken wait laugh track matt

Hey, Laugh Track Matt, if you want to be on, hit me up on Skype, man.

Laugh Track Matt, I understand, is back home now.

He has returned home from therapy, brain therapy.

Laugh Track Matt tried to stab himself with a letter opener.

He had several wounds to himself.

But he's good now, man.

He's good.

Okay, anyway, here's a woman looking to share with a man.

Nunu, why are you kicking people?

Your call has been forwarded through an automatic message.

It is not available.

At the tone, please record your message.

Nunu, why are you kicking people?

Why is Nunu kicking?

Don't kick the horses, Nunu.

In the chat room, let him stay, man.

It's first come, first serve.

You know what I mean?

I guess I gotta...

I keep forgetting...

I keep not...

I keep not increasing the number of open slots.

What the fuck song is this?

The fuck song is this?

Anyway, I keep not doing the upgrade to the server

so we can get the higher number of slots.

I keep just putting it off.

It's not that I don't want to

or that I don't have the money for.

It's cheap.

I just keep putting it off.

I'm procrastinating like that.

I'm sorry.

Give me just a second here, folks, please.

Thank you.

I appreciate it.

Trying to contact Laugh Track Matt with the appropriate Skype name to contact me at.

He's got to add that.

So add that, Laugh Track.

Laugh Track Matt Hillock.

Meantime, I'm going to redial that number we just tried to call earlier here regarding the apartment for share.

Hey, man.

What's up?

Hey, how you doing, man?

So you're back home?

Yes.

Cool.

Let me turn off stream.

Okay, yeah.

Turn that off in the background, the echo effect.

Not as prevalent as on radio, but still, it's there.

That's cool, man.

Good.

Are you going to sleep or something, or are you going to be up for a little while?

I'm going to be up.

Oh, cool.

Cool.

All right.

That's awesome.

So what really did you...

I thought you had a leg thing.

Yeah, I broke my leg, but I'm going to shit her now.

In a wheelchair.

Oh, damn it, man.

I'm healing right, and then my leg started to jump crazy.

that could either be cancer or ms okay uh so what's the prognosis then like where are you at

i've heard about um yesterday i was listening actually to uh a radio interview it was about

an hour long with his doctor and i got a lot of good information and he was actually he was

talking about diabetes and diet change and you can reverse or severely reduce diabetes and he said

He also mentioned multiple sclerosis several times as being able to be reversed or slowed down significantly with that.

I'll hook you up with some links that I got.

Yeah, my ex is all on that shit, too.

She's like, I can just feed you the right food and you'll be fine.

Yeah, but Dr. Neil Bernard is the name of the doctor.

I'll hit you up.

You probably already have it.

Cool, cool, cool, cool.

Oh, man, I'll take it.

Hey, Milkman's here.

Hey, Milkman.

up man what's up hey i got your friend laughing i've got laugh track man on the line he's he just

came home from is it is it therapy or what is it then exactly that you can it was location

into chicago so you were you're in rehabilitation yeah he has he had lesions i have the ms you're

still back so you're still down then for the captain man you're you're still out from that

break goes like that two or three months ago right i'm home man yeah oh okay okay oh you're

You're recovering, man.

That was pretty serious.

I'm not recovered.

I'm sitting in a wheelchair right now.

And I walk with a walker.

Good for her, man.

Yeah.

Is it going to develop more than that?

Or is that the extent of it?

I don't know.

They all, you know, MS is like a weird disease.

Oh, MS.

I thought it was from an accident, dude.

I'm sorry.

I'm very sorry.

I didn't understand that.

I broke my leg.

And then when I was healing from it and not healing right,

they're like uh my limp started kicking all crazy and i got an mri and they're like

he got lesions on your brain oh shit sorry i didn't know that man i'm sorry about that

and i'm glad to hear you man you sounded good man you sound like just like i remember

a shovel just go and he was like playing my part and it was the funniest shit i'd heard

you doing my part and then somebody was doing carlita i laughed my ass off man i'm bringing

and get some beet steaks.

All right, all right.

There you go, man.

Now you're working it out, brother.

All right, man.

You go, baby.

You're doing calls still, man.

So carry on, man.

Yeah, in the rehab place,

I had two or four locos on the night.

Wow.

So you could drink and stuff?

No, we weren't supposed to,

but you could.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

I thought it was cool.

You could bring your own drinks and stuff.

I'd be having fun.

Oh, it was frown to find.

Yeah.

And then I went and kicked it with this young black guy, and he gave me his fucking pill of this Seroquel shit that I was drinking on top of, and then I was taking my Atavans, too.

I was so fucked up, I couldn't roll myself back to my room.

I had to ask for help.

That's what I heard.

Them damn Seroquels will put you down.

That's like an antidepressant.

I know about Atavans.

They'll definitely get you to sleep.

They're like a—my doctor prescribed them to me.

They're like a volume, a light volume.

Yeah, they gave me a bottle of 92 milligram out of this.

Lucky.

Those are great to make you sleep, man.

They don't give you a hangover, man.

Take one of them, you sleep like a baby.

Like a little two milligram tab, you're out like a baby.

I was getting one milligram every four hours in the hospital.

And I was like, I was on them like a hawk, too, every four hours.

I didn't miss a mile of arm night to go off every four hours.

I was going to say, obviously you realize the implications of these.

They're very easily addicted to you, so that was the other half of the equation.

So you already realized that.

I want to make sure you heard that.

But what I was doing is I would take them in my mouth, but spit them out,

and then I would just, like, at the end of the day or something,

and I'd want to have some fun.

You get a bunch of them together, and then you get a high going on.

Yeah, well, you sound like my old man, dude.

I know quite a few people that did that shit.

Yeah.

You learned the old-timer tricks there already, so you're doing good.

You sound like you're well back on your way, man.

Yeah.

I'm going to go over to physical therapy tomorrow, like outpatient therapy in the place where my mom works.

Do they got any hot nurses or anything in there, or are they just a bunch of muscle-bound freaks?

None of the nurses are particularly hot.

I'd say probably about four of the therapists brought, so we're really hot.

Oh, okay.

The other one's like, we rejected lesbians, then, I'd say.

The one I grabbed all up on her ass doing exercises.

And she's like, man, that was no accident.

There you go.

That's funny.

Well, good.

She had a sense of humor.

That's cool.

Were any of them Asians?

Any Asians?

uh they're actually there's were some cute asian nurses nice very nice there you go what about

peanut girls are usually a lot of those well you guys are where you guys in pa right are you in pa

too i'm in chicago oh chicago okay i thought you lived in chicago wow all right i miss under her

no wonder you're all g'd out bro okay cool all right hang on here's a prank call people

getting restless sorry matt okay beautiful story i know where you come from remember

Remember, 2011 was a whole year for me, too.

My eye is all bad.

You've seen a patch on my picture.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

You look like me getting an eye test about a week ago.

Didn't have the beer can, though.

I don't know about the beer can, but the patch is there.

Oh, come on.

But I saved my patch.

Whenever I go to get my license picture, I'm going to wear the patch in the picture.

Right now, I'm supposed to be getting an ID on a license.

and I think I'm going to wear this patch

for it.

Cool, man. Just go buy one of those

little apparel stores

and get you one of those piratey hats.

Just pop it out.

I don't think I'll wear a hat, though.

No, you've got to take care of it.

One of the phone losers

sent me

an awesome

fucking Canada

umbrella hat flag

that's red and white

and says Canada all over it.

I got some wacky shit in the hospital, dude.

That's awesome.

Damn.

Canada, that's awesome.

Obviously a Canadian fan, one of our listeners.

No, it's a freak.

I know him.

I've met him a couple times.

And he sent me this sheet of Canada stickers,

and I put them all over my fucking walker.

my mom my mom says she's like you're gonna think you're a retard from canada

this is a bunch of canada stickers and a big canada hat that's awesome dude

i gotta get those underwear with the maple leaf on them you know and then you really be sporting

them jocks man y'all hold a second i'm gonna grab another beer yeah sure i'm just i'm sorry i'm not

i'm paying attention to some i'm also trying to open up resumes here that have been okay that

have been sent in uh sounds a weirdo yeah i'm skimming here here we go you just got to my

resume dude damn you got some reading to do this person i can't believe it this is her name is

faizan and uh she's not the nor the right the faizan we all know about and love but she is

looking for a job and uh we have her phone number let's see what kind of job it is real quick uh

Uh, grocery store job.

Okay, cool.

They're, uh, it's a cashier position.

Let me check her qualifications.

Does she know any other positions?

You got to find out.

Does she know any other positions besides cashier?

Well, she, she's...

Not only missionary.

She's taken a year of mechanical engineering.

She's a current student at a university.

Yeah.

What else does she do?

She worked for the penny saver distribution.

Volunteered at an Islamic welfare center.

Ha, ha, ha.

uh volunteered volunteered to mentor kids yeah she's halal approved so obviously we got something

to start with yeah so all she's done is she's passed out penny saver newspapers and volunteered

to church a few times apparently that's her it's really cute got a picture of her no negative that's

weird people that put their pictures on their resume that's stupid i've seen people that do

that like the young kids do that i never did that man but i know some of the younger people do that

Since the Facebook and all that kind of shit got big and popular, people started doing it.

I never did that.

I know other people even put them on their damn business cards.

I want my face fucking laying around somewhere on the ground being walked on.

Yeah, someone could be masturbating.

It's bad stuff you have to look at the first time.

Why throw it down there on the ground?

I would never put my picture on even on business cards either if I didn't have to.

Well, you won't even come on video on the show, dude, so whatever.

Here's Faison.

on well because because you know my camera's got an eye patch on it dude that's why so

you need an ass patch for your mouth ass patch i'll come home i'll come home with my eye patch

and how's that man i mean i'll wear one of my cool hats and i've got a captain i will put the

eye patch over my my asshole my little we're not available now i want the damn rubber boot

and then i'll take a picture with that listen this damn person doesn't want to answer i swear to god

But I guess it is kind of late.

It's like 7 o'clock at night.

That's not too out of line if you're looking for a job.

Where do they live at?

Most people never call business after 5, dude.

You're lucky you ever hear anybody call after 3 or 4.

It's in Ontario.

Canada?

Yeah, Canada.

Hello, Zef.

Big Faison.

Hello.

Yes, this is Faison.

Oh, hello, Faison.

Faison, my name is Eddie Cross, and I'm calling from the grocery store.

You apply for work?

I didn't apply for any grocery store.

I need to speak to Faizan.

You applied for a job.

I am.

You applied for a job.

I am Faizan.

You applied for a job, Faizan.

Yes, which company is this?

This is with grocery store machines.

I'm sorry, but which store is this?

I can't hear you.

Grocery store machine.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry, I'm sorry, but I'm actually not really interested in this.

Well, listen, I'll pay you $10.50 an hour to be a cashier.

Okay.

Which?

Oh, now you like it.

You think it's a good idea now?

Yes.

Sorry, can you tell me the name of the store one more time?

We're opening a brand-new store.

It's called Grocery Store Machine.

Can you tell me where this is located, this store?

It's going to be in Toronto, and we're opening in three business days.

It's brand-new.

we're putting in all the things you know i got construction people 24 hours a day we got big

spotlights on the building and everything it's going to be done and we need good cashier and

i see your resume here you're stellar young man you're a mechanical engineer student huh i like

that yeah i i was a mechanical engineer student but i dropped out myself but i know i took two

years in mechanical engineering okay yeah so listen i'll pay you 10 15 hour you come down

on that little ass of yours and do some cashiering.

What do you think?

Huh?

You get to touch the money and everything, all right?

Yeah, I'm just wondering, sorry, is this in Mississauga or?

Yeah, it's Mississauga.

Yep, yep, we're opening Grocery Store Machine.

Don't you understand what I'm saying?

Listen, we're opening a brand-new grocery store called Grocery Store Machine,

and I want you to be a cashier that pays $10.50 an hour.

Why are you just like, huh, huh, huh?

Do you understand now?

um i just can't hear you uh the connection was breaking up for are you turkish no i'm

canadian oh that's disgusting i'm sorry you're disgusting people excuse me that you're disgusting

people i'm looking at the rest of the resume and i see islam this and um uh you know muslim that

and no it's that doesn't there's no need for that here sorry

who is this?

This is Eddie Cross, and I'm with Grocery Store Machines, and I just changed my mind about you.

Fine, whatever.

Because you are not a clean person.

You're not a human.

Oh, really?

You're not a human.

I just saw it says you're subhuman.

I just figured it out.

Yeah, this position is for humans only.

Goodbye.

Okay, bye.

Sad nigger.

He mumbled something at the end, but I hung up.

All right.

You could have told them to shut that kid the fuck up.

True. Here's one more

that I'll get to. Lonesome is here.

And he should have

told him that it was

in his butt, boy.

When he wouldn't know where it's located.

It's in your butt, boy. It's in your butt.

Michelle, you...

How did you spell her name? That name, that was like

a man's name there. I thought hers was spelled

with a P or something.

F-A-I-Z-A-N.

Faison. That's...

Is it Turkish lady? She got the same

name? Yeah, same name, but he said

Faison or something.

I thought hers would start with a P.

I never understood that then.

Here's Michelle Yu speaking to nice little

sexy Asians, right?

Right.

Here we go. She's a sexy little

Asian looking for the same thing.

Like the ones that have been mopping up my urine

for weeks.

Yeah, man.

You pee on the floor on purpose?

Nah, I peed in the

bed on accident.

Did you ever pee accidentally in their face

on purpose?

I shit the bed, and I shit my pants.

That's, like, the worst.

Was that the Four Loko night?

No, no.

Since I was there, I didn't do anything in the rehab place.

It was when I was in the hospital.

Did your unit have, like, the personal amenities, like, you know, like a microwave or anything like that?

There was a microwave in, like, a day room.

You see, now, this would be the thing.

You could accidentally, on purpose, take a shit in there, and then, you know, this would be actually a great episode.

Accidentally, on purpose.

accidentally on purpose milkman yeah it has to happen in the microwave

i don't think i can get my ass up there you should know you got to pull the microwave down

come on man and take a picture as it's smoking tell the nurse to pull it down nicely

the ideal situation would be shit on a paper plate and then put it in the microwave yeah that's

what i did yeah that there you can serve it for all your friends you know divide it up like a pot

You got to drip a little water on top of it.

Drip a little water on top of it so it cooks well.

A little bit of water.

A few drops of water.

I had a bulletin board in the hallway, and I put up the phone loser's yard sale sign.

And the pool's closed with that pro guy.

And the little kid thing with the lost frog.

And they stayed up for weeks.

Oh, she's not answering this one.

This would have been interesting.

She's got basic conversational proficiency in French and Cantonese.

You could have tested that out.

Yeah.

Milkman, you know those dirty terms in French?

Le chat or whatever it is.

What is it?

Le chat?

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

The cat.

The kitty.

All right.

The cat.

We are moving on here with a little bit of Lonesome Loser number stuff.

five spice seafood and wine bar they have five spices there that's all they got let's call them

well five spice is actually a type of spice you know like a mixture spice number five

thank you for calling five spice how can i help you is this composition spice number five

well can she really just hang up what is the spices that they have

she was like i don't want to talk to no compositions

compositions i don't want to talk no composition shit thank you for calling five spice how can i

help you is this spice composition supplement number five hello hello is this spice complimation

supplement number five no this is a five spicy food and winery okay all right now which let me

guess your spices are uh black pepper green pepper salt cinnamon and nutmeg um i actually

We don't know what's in our five spice.

Well, can we find out?

Because I have an allergy.

Okay, one moment, please.

All right, honey.

Green pepper.

The spice green pepper.

I'd buy like a dehydrated green pepper spice.

That'd be probably really fucking good.

I hate green peppers.

Oh, whatever.

They could do the sun-dried like they do the tomatoes, you know?

Oh, sun-dried.

Yeah, but then it'd be extra gross.

And you fry them.

Right, and then roll them in adobo.

Battered and fried?

Hillock, you wouldn't do it?

I would.

Battered and fried.

Yeah, roll them in a dope, man.

You never done the stuffed green peppers, man?

I can't get down with them.

Taco meat?

And the best are with deer meat.

I think we got hung up on.

Did we lose her?

No, we didn't.

She put us on hold.

She's getting a man on the phone.

She's walking through the whole place.

Can I talk to them the next time to ask if they're affiliated with the Spice Television Network?

Okay, yeah.

Or ask them about the Spice Girls.

Ask if she's one of the Spice Girls.

Oh, the Posh Bushy and what was the Loud Man Scared of?

The Spice Girl.

Are you ready for the five spices?

Yeah, sure.

I'm going to write it down here.

Green pepper.

All right, it's Szechuan peppercorn.

Yeah.

You got ground cloves.

Okay.

Ground cinnamon.

Okay.

You got a couple star anise.

Anises?

What?

Star anise.

what's that star anise it's called star it's pronounced star anise okay all right and and

then uh what's the last one cinnamon close you're just making this up peppercorn

yeah what's the last one fennel seeds that's not a spice that's not a spice i'm sorry that's not

not a spice really what is it we google it all right no salt it's really loud there asshole

fuck that god does the star anise really smell like an ass they transferred us to the back i

think here's are you calling them back yeah star anise is like smells like an ass no i want that

spice i'm a popular star here jenna james matt's calling thank you for calling five spice how can

Can I help you?

Yes, hello.

I'm with Television Network, and I was wondering,

are you guys involved with the Spice Television Network?

No.

You're not at all involved with them?

I don't, I really don't know, honestly, if we are or not.

No, I think the correct answer would be, I'll check.

So why don't you do that?

Okay, hold on, please.

Thank you.

Man, they got really, it's really fucking loud there

I'm gonna call a five

God damn, listen to the horsepower on that vibrator she's running, dude

Listen to that son of a bitch

It's a three-phase

Fucking A, dude, that's an eight-cylinder, man

Three-phase vibrator, imagine

Yeah, I know, it's all recurrent

It's hooked up to a bunch of capacitors

Alright, we'll keep her on hold while we do this one

Hello there, Mr. Obvious

Hello there

Hello, hey, hey, go ahead.

Unfortunately, we're really busy right now, and my manager actually isn't in to answer my question.

Oh, Jesus. Can you tell me when you expect him in?

I'm sorry?

When you expect him in, Mr. Kudet.

When do I expect him to come in?

Yes.

I think he should be here tomorrow around, like, probably 2 or 3 o'clock would be okay to call?

2 in the afternoon, all right.

Okay.

And, you know, if you just put a bug in his ear and just, you know, let him know somebody is calling to see if you guys are involved with the television network.

Okay.

Thanks a lot, sweetie.

Bye.

Very nice, sir.

All right, cool.

Five Spices is the famous Chinese spice that they cooked with in ages immemorial.

You know, that's the mix that they use for that type of food.

What, Cantonese, I think?

Cantonese, yes.

canton i believe so yeah the five spice if i'm not mistaken bullshit it's really the star anus

anus the big ass yeah what does a star's anus smell like doesn't it smell like a regular anus

or is it spectacular it's a star it depends what kind of star you're talking about it's a star

sky thanks for calling five guys working see this is no i'm gonna help you hey boy how you doing

hey how you doing this is the place that listen i had a little bit of a miscommunication now

I'm at home now drinking my Five Guys soda.

Okay.

But I went there for french fries, and they said that you guys stopped doing the all-you-can-eat french fries.

Where are you located, sir?

Well, I'm at home, you know?

I know a Nevada number popped up.

Yeah, it's my cell phone.

Oh, okay, yeah.

We don't do all-you-can-eat french fries, sir.

Yeah, but you used to be able to come and get the Aloha Burger, and you had endless french fries and stuff.

and i sat down with my first order large french fries and i had my malt vinegar and everything

ready and my ketchup and i sat and i sat and the woman was cleaning the tables and i said hey

where's can you get me another damn order french fries i've been sitting here and she gave me

attitude okay yeah and she started like she was using a whatever like a cloth or whatever to

clean the towel uh the tabletops and she she started doing it on my table and i was still

eating i still had my ketchup and my malt vinegar out okay um may i ask what store you were at sir

oregon city okay and may you describe this uh this lady to me sassy african-american african-american

we we don't have anyone that's african-american sir why is that employee employee wise well

there he was at the she was ethnic or something i don't know she was black or what was she like

Like Asian, maybe?

She had like these Asian...

Maybe when she's short?

Yeah.

Hispanic, maybe?

Uh-huh, yeah.

Okay.

She's colored.

Okay.

All right, so?

So when did you guys get rid of the all-you-can-eat French fries?

It's not worth it now.

We never had all-you-can-eat French fries.

Oh, yeah, you have.

I've been there.

I had the Aloha Burger and all-you-can-eat French fries.

And Lizzy, can you bring it up until you tell them to stop?

Aloha Burger?

Yep.

We don't have Aloha Burger either, sir.

Yeah, you do.

Ew, yeah, you put a piece of pineapple, grilled pineapple on top of it.

Oh, are you talking about Hawaiian time?

Yeah, whatever.

It's called Aloha Burger.

This is Five Guys, sir.

No, no, no.

I'm calling Five Guys.

Yeah, you've got the red and white interior and all the stuff on the walls, all the newspaper clippings.

Yeah.

Yeah, Five Guys.

That's there.

And I had the Aloha Burger there last time and those French fries.

Oh, is it all the way?

Yeah, and jalapeno bites.

Okay.

I want them back.

Okay.

Can you take an order?

I want one order of jalapeno bites, one order of tater tots.

We don't carry tater tots either, sir.

Oh, you should.

So here's my question, sir.

What exactly was your issue today?

This sassy black lady said she wasn't going to get me my fries, my more French fries.

The Puerto Rican woman, whatever she is.

Okay.

I don't appreciate it.

So put her on the phone.

She's not here.

What's her phone number, then?

May I ask your name, sir?

This is Eddie.

Eddie?

Eddie Cross.

Okay, Eddie Cross.

Yeah, what was her name?

Sandra.

Sandra what?

Sandra H.

I didn't look up her.

Hernandez, I believe.

All right, so I'm going to put that down here, and what's her phone number?

I can't.

I'm not.

No, I need this for the paperwork.

This is for the lawsuit.

I need all this information.

If you want to call back, you can speak with my general manager, sir.

Well, I'm subpoenaing you, and I'm going to hold you in contempt of court if you don't give this to me.

What's your name?

My name's Noah, sir.

Noah what?

Noah A.

Noah A?

Yes.

What's your last name?

Aguila, sir.

And what's your date of birth?

I'm not going to give you that information.

What about your Social Security number?

I'm not going to give you that information either.

Can you get the last four digits of it?

Nope, nothing.

I'll give you mine.

Nope, I'm all right.

I'm all right with that.

What I will do, though, is I will write down your number.

I will write down your name.

All right.

I will have my general manager call you.

Hey, can you take a message for your general manager?

Yes, I can take a message for my general manager.

Are you ready?

Yep.

Line one, general manager, comma.

Okay.

Line number two, I order you to give me the full information of, and what was your name?

Noah, sir.

Noah and Ms. Hernandez, including social security number, address, date of birth, personal references, resume.

So what I will do is write down your number.

Employment history file.

I'm not done dictating to you, boy.

And, okay.

Do you have access to the employee files?

Yes, I do, and I am not going to give them to you.

Let's go look at them.

I'll give you some money.

And what I will do, as I've said before, sir, I will give you.

If you let me look at the employee files, I'll suck your dick.

I can't do that.

I'm sorry.

I can't do that.

I'll suck your dick in the office.

I'll suck your dick.

He's done.

Damn, he ran to the office, man.

I swear.

That's pretty good.

Read the chat.

They said you start fucking with them.

Oh, he was stuttering.

That's a good thing.

Before, keep a pig pig.

You stuttering, mumbling fuck.

Fuck, open your timbers.

Cory says that.

Cory, yeah.

Okay, that's Five Guys.

And as you can see, I've been there recently.

I love Five Guys.

Good place.

It's avid food.

It's pretty good doing it.

Yeah, the fries are awesome.

I know they don't have all-you-can-eat fries.

Thank you for stating the obvious.

I was just trying to be an idiot on purpose.

Maybe you can get Jack Masterson to call one of these places.

But I bet you, dude, an aloha burger at Five Guys sounds good.

If they grilled just a piece of pineapple and put it on top, I'd be good as fuck.

I'd give it to one of the hula popper.

Was that one of your drug strains, Milkman?

You and Hillock here doing drugs?

Talking drugs?

Oh, yeah, these pills are good, man.

They make you horny, and you go to sleep, and you wake up like nothing happened.

The boner.

Yeah.

That was you.

I woke up with the boner.

Good evening, it's on Arch Street Grill.

Oh, my gosh, we go.

yeah hey listen i left my pills over there man okay i left these pills man they're awesome man

can you see find out if anyone left yellow uh pill bottle there i did the label i took the

label off but don't be concerned that wasn't that was just an accident oh man these pills are

awesome and you go you take one you go to sleep you get so messed up you don't remember what

happened the next morning you know you go to sleep all are you are you sure i haven't had any

a thing like that turned into me are you sure you have the right number yeah look in the toilet in

the bathroom this is apple manzana right manzana yeah go to the go go can you go to the med room

and look in there and see i can't come on honey come on come on i need these pills i'll give you

some money this is important come on okay i'm gonna have to put you on hold and i'll get a

manager and he can look for you because listen these pills get you really messed up and i lay

lay in bed, and I just look at the ceiling, you know, I see cars.

That's great.

Sir, do you mind holding so I can get a manager and he can look for you?

I've got a big boner.

Yeah, go ahead.

All right, we're on hold.

Big boner.

Dude, that'd be awesome, a pillow you can lay down and see colors and get a big boner, man.

That's some good weed.

Just have a woman ride you.

That'd be awesome.

That's the pillow I need.

That's my birthday pillow right there.

A pillow will get you really high and let you see colors, and you can just lay there

and have a massive erection.

You can't tell me you're...

This is Robert.

I'm going to help you.

Yeah, I'm looking for those pills, man.

Go to the bathroom and see if they're there.

Sorry?

Listen, Lysol was going to leave some pills in the bathroom,

and then I was going to leave some money in there.

Well, you got the wrong number.

Well, this is Manzana.

Yeah, but we don't do that.

No one's going to leave money.

Well, no, you're not doing that.

No, listen, I left $500, and then he was supposed to leave the pills there,

but I don't want to come down if they're not there yet.

Can you check to see if my money's there?

or if he... No, no, we don't do that.

You're mistaken. No, we definitely

made a deal. Alright, thanks.

Come on, it's the boner pills.

Oh, man. Lysol.

Lysol.

Mr. Clean.

Lysol, Mr. Clean.

The nefarious

Lysol is back at it again on

Madhouse Radio. He's on...

Shut up, Godfather. What do you want?

What does he want?

I don't know. I keep him locked.

He's blocked. I block him.

I don't want him on, because he makes noise and stuff, man.

I don't care.

Every time he's like, I fixed it.

I know how to do it now.

All you hear is the whole time.

Holy shit.

MK Ultra.

Remove from contact.

There we go.

Bye, UK Godfather.

Here, I got a bunch of restaurants here.

Here's a UK number from last week.

Brian Cambridge.

MK Ultra, baby.

MK Ultra.

Project Paperclip.

project people mk ultra that was the lsc experiment

i sure could use just one person oh hey listen i'm calling on behalf of the mk ultra agency

and i'm going to offer you some these little stamps you put under your tongue and i'm gonna

take notes of how they affect you

Somebody get kicked out

He's hanging right up

This man

This young man

Hang on

That was fantastic

I got two beers

And two milligrams

Out of it

Nice

Oh shit

You're gonna be nice and toasty

I had four earlier

I'm damn

Serving these 90 bills well

Fire

Alright moving right along

I wasn't able to upgrade

The IRC on the fly

I put the upgrade in

But it takes some time

Yeah that was pretty dope

I appreciate it buddy

Michael Williams

in the UK. Let's give him a call.

I'm going to fuck me, young limb bitch.

Welcome to voicemail.

The person you have called is unavailable.

Please leave a message after the tone.

Wait, I can call Matt again.

I'm trying to get...

Yes, hi. I'm putting on my friend Matt.

Matt, go ahead, Matt.

Hey there, Dolly. How you doing?

Ma'am, are you there? Want to talk to us?

I'm sorry. I thought you said you wanted to do that one.

That's why I didn't say anything.

No, I didn't.

Oh, yeah, true, that's my fault.

I'm stupid.

Michael Brown in the UK.

We were having a chat real quick,

and I was like, did he Skype?

But you are a stupid cunt

who's going to pick up on an hour.

The person you have called is unavailable.

Please leave a message after this.

Oh, voicemail girls.

Voicemail girls.

Having fun there, Matt?

You okay, man?

I'm fucking rocking and rolling, dude.

I'm having a great time.

Awesome, okay.

Okay.

I'm looking at request a prank again here.

Here's one from Porch Monkey.

Porch Monkey sends a request.

Let's see what it is.

Gas station.

That's it.

That's all we got.

Gas station.

All right.

Good.

Thanks, Porch Monkey.

Thanks for nothing.

Appreciate it.

You really went out of your way to help out.

Okay.

We'll get to a gas station.

Thank you.

And Enigma420 reminded me in a request a prank that IRC is full again.

Thank you.

All right.

Yeah.

All right.

Great.

Yeah.

Thanks, guys.

I appreciate the request a pranks.

Very good.

UK Godfather sends in a number for a 2002 Chevy Silverado with plow included.

All right.

Yeah.

What was he begging you to tell?

He was just like, why didn't I get on?

He didn't, like, hear my, whatever, my numbers were bad or something.

Yeah, they're bad.

He's got bad numbers.

Usually.

Easy, Godfather.

I don't want you on right now.

Matt's on because he's special.

Thanks, buddy.

buddy. I'm coming back like a champ

after getting diagnosed with a horrible...

Your call has been forwarded to an

automatic voice message system.

Milkman's a really bad night for the

calls. Not a lot of them are kicking in.

I'm losing it. I know. Are we

using old numbers, or are these

new ones that the man's pulling up?

They're new ones. They're just a little weak.

Oh, yeah.

You'll have that occasionally.

How are you?

You got that Chevy Silverado.

Hey, can you tell those people to shut

what the hell what are you doing i'm calling about the silverado with the plow okay yeah

yeah where are you are you out at uh jungle gems or something where are you no i'm in berthel oh

yeah well listen why would i need a plow right now i don't understand say that again why would

i need a plow this time of year i don't understand why would you need a plow this time of year yeah

Yeah, that's pretty stupid.

Why are you, what is that about?

Why would I care that you have a plow?

Huh?

Is that sarcastic or?

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

It's sarcastic.

Yeah.

Who are you anyway?

I'm in Bristol.

My name is Dave Corrin.

I'm from here in Connecticut.

Yeah.

Are you commercial?

Do you commercial?

Well, I'm just, I'm independently wealthy now that my dad passed away and I cashed in

some of his stocks and I want to start a business.

Damn it.

Kind of like the plow came with a truck.

I paid $28,000 in 2002.

There's nothing wrong with a truck.

I'm a one-owner.

Got 100,000 miles on it.

Now, what color?

Is it a nice feminine color?

I like to drive cars with feminine colors.

Who is this?

My name is Dave KDK Corrin.

What do you mean feminine colors, dude?

You know, like what color is it?

What color is the truck?

It's like a grayish.

It's a metallic gray.

It's a sharp, it's a Chevy.

Do you know anything about Chevys?

Oh, yeah.

In 2002, they made a, it's like a metallic gray.

It's more like a silver, like a coin, like a quarter, a dime.

So it's pretty feminine, right?

It's a feminine car?

If you consider it feminine, yeah.

It's feminine.

Yeah.

As much as you think it is.

How much, how much did you, how long did you drive it for?

I've been the one owner.

I've been driving it since 2002.

So what that means is 11 years old.

So you drove it for 11 years around like a feminine man inside a feminine truck,

honking your horn and stuff like that.

People, yeah.

I never beat on it.

Never beat on it.

I did no commercial accounts.

The reason why I bought it, I used to have to show my father's driveway.

would you show your skirt to people when you were at stop signs would you like say oh i'm wearing a

skirt you know show them a skirt would you tell them you would tell like you would get to a red

light and there was someone next to you and you pull down your window and you would say hey guess

what i'm wearing a skirt and then you drive off in the big truck well no you just tell them that

you're wearing a skirt you know and you wink at them are you gay or something no i just i'm no

No, I'm just curious about some things.

If I pull up on the side of somebody, I'm driving a pickup truck.

I'm a manly guy.

I got a plow on the truck.

I'm plowing snow.

I'm not going to roll my window down and ask them if they think I'm feminine.

No, I don't go around doing that shit.

Well, you could just tell them as a joke.

It's just joking.

You say, I'm wearing a skirt, you know?

I'm wearing a skirt?

Yeah, you wear a skirt while you're driving a truck?

No, I don't, but it'd be funny.

and then you take a sip out of your soda and you wink at them.

Out of my what?

Like you're drinking a Big Gulp soda and you take a sip out of it.

No, I don't drink soda.

I drink beer.

All right, then you take a sip of beer while you're driving and you drive off.

Yeah, and you, like, wink at them and you say,

I'm wearing a skirt like that, and you drive off.

Yeah.

Yeah, and then you, like, you start plowing the snow

and you, like, tell the people that you plowed the snow.

You ever plowed snow before?

Yeah, well, I plowed ass, but that's what you do.

You say, hey, I've got a lot of experience plowing ass, so I'm here to plow your snow.

And then you'd wink at him and take a sip of your drink and then start plowing the snow.

You know, like a man's ass.

You tell him, like, I like to plow man's ass.

And I'm going to plow your snow all over this fucking place.

Are you some kind of fucking joker?

Where are you at?

No, I really want this.

I really want this truck that you got here.

Yeah, well, where are you located?

I've been in Newberry.

Middleberry?

Newberry.

Newberry?

Middleberry?

Like Southberry?

Newberry.

Where's that at?

Oh, it's close to Oldberry.

Do you know where Dingleberry is?

Hello?

I lost him on the Oldberry.

The Oldberry.

I thought the Oldberry was.

That was pretty dumb.

I should have said it by Dingleberry.

I think Dingleberry.

You think you would have known what Dingleberry is?

I don't think.

Let's try to call him again.

He was already like, what are you, a queer or something?

What are you, a pig?

Are you calling him a pig?

Yeah.

Is this some kind of joke or something?

Phone network error.

No.

Look, man, he can be his lawyer.

Newberry.

Or I can be his boyfriend.

I forgot what time.

Hello?

Yeah, what happened?

Oh, you hung up on me.

I was talking.

I didn't do a damn thing, dude.

I was standing still.

Do you know where Dingleberry is?

Come

on, dude.

Cut to the chase.

No, I want the truck.

I want to see you driving around in the truck.

I'm going to talk to 11, okay?

I've been in construction all my life.

There's no fucking Dingleberry in Connecticut.

Okay.

All right?

So cut to the fucking chase.

All right.

Well, will you come plow?

Just tell him that we want to make...

I want to see you driving around in the parking lot, you know, like you're working with it, like you're plowing.

I want to see how it runs, how it looks, you know, how good it looks on you.

Well, he do donuts around us while he has sex in the snow.

Yeah, like in a school parking lot.

Maybe you can just go around and put the window down and be like, woo-woo, like that.

You can do like that.

You can say, woo-woo, you know.

And have a sip of that Big Gulp.

Yeah, I just want to see how I'm going to look in it.

wearing a skirt are you there buddy what do you want me to wear a skirt well just say you're wearing

a skirt yeah just say i'm wearing a skirt and then like do like a the shush thing you know

with one finger on your mouth yeah like a dirty little secret oh okay all right i'm done i'm done

Thanks. Bye.

And then do a real laugh just like that.

Yes.

It'll be our dirty little...

My name is KD.

I swear to God, this is our

wish on our wedding day.

It'll be our dirty little secret, alright?

Whatever you want to do, dude.

Do you want to meet up and take a look at the trucks?

Are you serious or not?

Yeah, I'm serious. I'm in New Milford.

Okay.

Well, I live in...

Okay.

And if you take 202 to 6, follow 6 all the way into Bristol,

Terriville, Plymouth, and all that.

Okay.

We can meet up.

You want to take a look at the truck.

When can you be there?

What's that?

When can you be there?

When can I be there?

Yeah.

Can you be there tonight?

When can you be there?

I can be there.

30, 45 minutes.

Yeah.

Oh, you want to look at it tonight?

Yeah.

Yeah, we do.

I do, yes.

Okay.

All right.

Yeah, it's not a problem.

It's light and a light.

You can look it over.

I'll tell you exactly what's wrong with it.

There's light problems.

There's a brake line that's got to be done.

The plow needs a little touch-up.

It's 11 years old.

It's a Fisher, you know, minute mile.

Everything else is sound.

I'm a one-owner.

I never went four-wheeling with it.

I did no commercial accounts.

I did my parents' driveway and middle driveway with it,

so it wasn't beaten whatsoever.

Why didn't you do commercial accounts?

Why?

You can handle it?

No, for one, I work construction,

and I made time to do my parents and next-door neighbors

when I got out of work.

It was timing for me.

When you're a convicted sex offender,

you can't go to people's store and say,

hey, can I splat yourself?

You know what I'm saying?

Who's that talking?

Oh, that's Matt.

He's my partner.

I'm his partner.

Soon-to-be husband.

Are you serious or is this all taking a look at this truck or what?

Yes, sir.

Yeah, yeah.

I'll be there in 30 minutes.

I'll call you when I'm there and you come out and we'll go over it, okay?

Are you serious?

Heck yes.

Absolutely.

Yes, I am.

So why are you playing games and talking all this fucking bullshit?

How old are you?

I'm 42.

I'm 53 and I don't play games.

I got a 21-year-old and an 8-year-old kid.

All right.

Well, Milkman is here and he doesn't play games either.

All right.

Well, the way you're talking to me is Gingalberry and all that other happy horse shit.

I don't, I don't.

Go for it, but if you're serious, you know how to get to Route 6, right?

Yep.

Hit 6, go through Cherryville, come down until you get to Burger King in Bristol,

and give me a holler there, and I'll give you directions to get to where I'm at.

That would be brilliant.

We'll have a truck full of happy horse shit coming your way.

You're going to have a what?

A truck full of happy horse shit, because I know you love it.

And can I meet your youngest child?

My child?

The youngest one, the whatever.

Still in one number years, I believe.

Yeah, she's eight years old, yeah.

Yeah, oh, can I meet her?

Don't knock my kid, you know what, that's my family.

You can say whatever you want.

I'm not knocking her.

I'm sure she's a little princess.

I just want to meet her.

I just want to meet her and say hello.

Hey, little girl, like that.

And give her maybe some Cheez-Its.

Have her eat Cheez-Its out of my hand like a little baby bird.

You know, right outside the van, the big sliding door, just eating out of our hands.

Nothing wrong with that.

We want to say hi to Uncle Matt and Uncle Carlito.

He's gone.

Oh, we didn't even mention Uncle Slippy Fist.

So that was, like, awkward moment number four, I think.

What was the really weird, awkward moment I gave him?

The hell was it?

The skirt thing, the shushed thing with the skirt.

That was kind of creepy.

The whole thing was weird.

You want me to wear a skirt?

I'll start.

He, like, he just blew by him that he was going to do donuts around.

school parking lot

we finally got married

he was hanging in

what the hotel's craziness was about

we were going to have a cup

a school parking lot

he was going to do donuts in the school parking lot

with the snow plow on August 8th

he was going to pull up next to us

and say I have a skirt

and drive off again

it's funny to think of it

because he seemed like a real crap to me being the old bastard.

Yeah, he did.

You're happy horse shit.

Yeah.

That's, you know, I'm just remembering a long story.

This, on parking lots, you know, usually once a week,

this weird, like, vacuum car comes by

and vacuums up all the shit that people leave in the parking lot.

What's that?

Oh, that's someone calling.

Hang on.

Hello?

Yeah, I'm Washington.

What?

Are you heading out?

Yeah.

Yeah, we're heading out.

Why?

Hello?

I just want to make sure you're not going to waste my time.

No, no, no.

I'll be there.

You're in New Belford?

Yeah.

Yeah, so you're talking close to an hour to get here.

Yeah, but I'm heading.

I'm just putting on my shoes and glasses.

My name's Dave.

I'm just putting on my shoes and my glasses.

I'll waste that daughter's time.

All right.

Yeah.

All right.

I guess I've got to take your word.

I guess I got to take your word for it, I mean.

Oh, look, you know, I got to buy this plow.

You're going to drive it around for us, and I'm going to give you cash money.

Yeah, we'll go around the block, hold the plow on, and, you know, show that everything works.

I mean, like I said, it's a one-owner truck.

There's nothing wrong.

It's regular maintenance.

It needs tires.

That's all it needs right now, and it needs a brake line.

All right, listen, I understand.

You already told me all this.

I mean, it needs a rear brake light.

Yeah.

all right well get your ass in gear and call me all right then bye i'll see you bye

god he just wants to keep talking about you need to know what you need to know what brand

at the back is you know he keeps wanting to know you would have sealed the deal if you

whipped out a package a male male pouch or levi garrett levi garrett he keeps wanting us to know

you know how awesome the fucking truck in the plow is and i'll just need a little bit of work

He broke it down to where he started his pin

Like there's things wrong with it in the end

Like in this time you know

But just before that he said it needed a brake line

And he said

He said a rear brake light

That's out

The only problem before it

The problems are creeping in

They are

That's what I'm going to tell him

We got to keep calling him

See how long we can string him along

The problems are creeping in

You're going to tell me three owners

Before you get done with this

I'm hoping I can get him to the point where he hooks up the plow and everything.

Like I'm saying, like, I'm almost there.

He's like, all right, I just chained it up right now.

It's like, you know, you're on your way and you broke down.

Can you come and pick us up so we can see you?

Yeah.

We're placed on the highway or something.

Anyway, we could send him to KDK's house.

I told him New Milford.

That's where KDK lives.

Oh, hell.

Yeah.

There you go.

And it was new something.

That's why I was saying new Barry.

I didn't know what new.

I mean, it's new something.

New Dingleberry.

Dingleberry.

Okay.

Well, that was a UK Godfather call that actually worked out there.

Very good.

Godfather has sent in numbers that are pretty good in the past, one or two.

He seems like a geeky dude.

He's just...

Weird.

He's not good at timing.

No, he is not.

He is not.

Okay.

Nunu reminding us tonight.

Nunu's ideas as usual.

He's sending in...

Let's see here.

Engineered.

I'm wearing a skirt

Duke calls about the porn filter

you remember reminding us that we're from BT

and we need to know what

porn they like

so we can

block it

going back to request a print

upgrading everybody for free

to optical

everybody's getting

fiber optic for tomorrow

whether you like it or not

we're going to be there

What do you mean, fiber optic?

What are you talking about?

Them?

The UK?

Fiber optic.

Wasn't that some hacker dude's handle?

Yeah, man.

And we're operating an internet connection, you know, beyond T1.

We'll do a fiber optic.

This is mandatory.

Everybody has to take this.

This is a government-wide policy by BD Central.

Beautiful.

Be there.

Are you awake?

Beautiful.

We'll be there in 20 minutes.

Be ready.

We've got to turn on the generator outside.

Exactly.

The door's unlocked.

the door unlock all the doors open all the windows right you're gonna make sure the dog

get out came down yeah like you're wearing a skirt

wow who's that skirt i remind you when i was i was doing tech support and um i was the only

i was the only spanish speaker uh so whenever someone called for help in spanish they would

put them through to me and this puerto rican lady called and her internet wasn't working

and i told her to close all her windows i was going to send a signal to her box to try to

restart it and she thought i meant to close all the windows in the house and she went around the

whole house closing every single window and i just let her do it i just let her do it i was like oh

you got i liked a couple of calls we did in the past we got to flip the lights on and off and

shit turn the lights off we need to leave that off the rest of the day yeah the fuck was we

be calling that man you had him doing all kinds of stuff with the lights that was that was uh

yeah that's i've done that and then brad's done that i got that idea from him the 7-eleven ones

but there was also uh jen did that with um ted webb the indian restaurant also kind of like that

yeah it's like a whole half hour of prank calls like and then they call back to offer them a

credit and he tells them it's not going to be 30 bucks he's like 30 bucks we shut down our

restaurant the whole day you said you're going to compensate us you know it's like this indian

guy all upset yeah yeah maybe i'll play that end of the show all right but i guess you're right

that's right it did it was a multi-parter this was crazy fucker says the department of homeland

security approves okay whatever man whatever you say bro yeah but anyway i let her close all the

windows and i just laughed she's like i got she's like sending her son hey go close the one down

there and all this shit they were shuffling around closing windows like i hear them closing

and she's like is it ready like now like i'm like oh yeah okay yeah thanks sure anyway oh

maybe she she thought my modem signal was going to come inside through the window and attack them

or something i don't know why she she actually that's what she thought we found penises on your

your computer yeah sending his signal i can't text this lady there packers

hello hello hello uh they heard talking

here's someone who's selling a taser taser and stun guns for sale can you own like stun guns

well the ones that shoot out can you buy the ones that shoot out that the cops have with little

The little things?

That's an actual treasure, yeah.

Stun guns are just things.

You'd touch them against the skin, yeah.

But I mean the ones with the little darts

that come flying at you.

We only got Raven.

Hello?

Yes.

Hey.

Oh, sorry.

There's two of us out here.

Are you the one with the shocking guns

that puts the girls to sleep?

With the who?

The shock guns.

With the what?

With the who?

The shocking guns.

Oh, the tasers?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I have them.

Oh, you got them for sale?

Yeah, they go for $20 each.

$20, and they shoot out like a gun and go into them, and they fall down and go to sleep.

No, no, these are not the ones that, you got to touch them with it to shock them.

They're not the ones that shoot out.

You got to touch them, so it's not a taser.

Yeah, it's a taser.

It's not the one that you shoot at.

It's the one that you touch them with.

It's got 15 million volts.

But if you touch them with it, are they going to go down?

Yeah, one second, they're going to be down on the ground for a while.

Five seconds, you might kill them.

Yeah, so like one second, and then they drop,

and then you can tie them up and do whatever you want with them, right?

Yeah, you can.

Yeah, that sounds dope, man.

That science working for us one time, you know?

So why do you want to get some?

Hell yeah. I really want some one of the shooting ones, though, so I ain't get them in a bit of a distance.

When I see them running around the bark or some shit, I could just, I could be off in the cut, in the bushes, and just zap and then drag them in, you know?

Yeah, I don't have that kind.

Are you going to be getting any?

Nah, nah, nah, I don't get that kind. I get the ones that you got to touch them with.

Ah, so you got the ones that you got to put on them.

Yeah.

But I'm kind of thinking, if I got to go up and put something on him, I might as well just cut that bitch.

Yeah, I mean, hey, yeah, hello?

Yeah, yeah, I'm here, dude.

Yeah, yeah, I mean, they pretty strong, but I mean, it don't cut the bitch.

Well, yeah, I'm sorry, it don't make sense to spend money on it.

When I can just choke him, choke him by the throat, let him know who the man is and who's the boss, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, but you stay up, man.

I'll get you back up and hopefully

you got some of them shooter guns

like that laser blast

type shit

he's gone that'd be awesome a big plasma gun

dude had no qualms about

some of the shit to him

he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about

yeah he's fucking nuts that guy

that guy's like trying to sell

a stun gun in place of

a handheld stun gun trying to tell you it's a taser

and it ain't no fucking taser

Like, that ain't a taser.

Yeah, you know, the best, you know, you could hope for it would be, like,

one of those cattle prods that is, like, longer ones, you know,

kind of like an end of a stick, but I bet you it's not.

That's why I was funny.

You said, I might as well go ahead and choke him or slap him.

Yeah.

If I got to get that close, I'll just choke him out.

Yeah, exactly.

Punch him in the nuts and the little nuts.

Hitachi coil nail gun.

I drew a funny little picture today.

Nail guns will fuck you up, dude.

They're serious.

I worked in construction, dude.

I was general.

I mean, I'm a f***ing hound.

They got nail guns.

They sell the hell out of that.

They use 22 caps.

They've got bigger ones, too, dude.

I'm telling you, man.

Yeah, you got that nail gun?

Yeah.

Is it still for sale, honey?

Yes, it is.

Is that you selling it, or is there a man there?

It's me.

Oh, that's cool.

Cool. How'd you get it? You used to work construction?

No, me and my husband used it.

Okay, all right. And he's gone now? Like, you divorced him?

No, he's asleep.

Oh, okay. All right. Well, hey, thanks for answering the call.

So, I want to hear the nail gun, Mike. Can you use it real quick? I just want to see how strong it is.

The nail gun? No.

Come on, I want to make sure it works.

You can shoot it into the wall real quick.

All it does is like that, you know?

Well, it's not hooked up to a compressor or anything right now.

Go wake up your man if you don't know how.

What now?

Go wake up your man if you don't know how.

Well, he's got to go to work tomorrow.

Well, you're a woman.

You don't even know how to do these things.

What are you doing up?

Are you online, christianmingle.com?

No, I was asleep.

Oh, you were?

You ever go to christianmingle.com or anything like that?

You know, get a little flirting with a man?

Yeah, you do.

Liar.

Liar, I can tell.

You get a little flirty sometimes.

You have your fun skirt you like to work some days, right?

Yeah, I hear you.

I have my fun skirt, too.

Don't tell anyone.

It's a secret.

Shh.

All right?

It's our secret.

Now you know my secret.

Guess what I'm wearing right now?

My fun skirt.

And I'm lifting it up right now.

Shh.

Shit.

Okay.

Very creepy.

I'm really creeped out about seeing a guy wearing a skirt going,

shh, oof.

All right.

Well, UK Godfather, Neil Gunn, also.

The UK Godfather coming through.

Hey, did you see the cock punch picture I put in the chat?

No.

What do you mean?

Yeah, I looked in the chat.

A cock punch?

Okay, I'll take a look.

On Skype, I drew a picture, and I wrote cock punch in there today for no reason.

Cool.

All right, I'm opening it up now.

Yeah, we also have a voicemail here.

We got to get to, if I kid and get to Google Voice, we'll play it.

Maybe Tombstone.

That looks like it'd be a cool tattoo, man.

I like that.

I'm glad you like it.

Yeah, maybe I need to get a tattoo one day.

I don't have any either.

Yeah.

Yeah, probably won't get one.

I'm like a dork.

Not until I get a kid.

I think this guy that called us Milkman about the truck, I think he left a three-minute

voicemail or something like that.

You just left it off the hook, I think.

Yeah, it's just three minutes of silence.

That's it.

Yeah, Milkman, so you're saying for a nail gun,

it actually has to be hooked up to a compressor,

like an air compressor and all that shit?

No, we need to get them with a fucking bullet.

They have this kind of thing, dude.

I was muted.

I'm saying you better call him back because it's been a little while.

He's wondering if you're coming.

You got to tell him you broke down on I-5 and he can come and get you.

Was it I-5 that I said?

I don't know.

I'm just making it up.

I don't know where the hell his call was at.

i don't he's in that for a reference hang on let me do a google maps real quick from his town

shit where did he say he was where is this again fuck dingleberry no no i'm in no i'm in dingleberry

newberry that's what somebody said newberry i don't know who was in newberry hang on give me

a second i gotta work on oldberry some shit right next blueberry right next oldberry newberry

Tingleberry.

Taptune crushes oops all berries.

Tingleberry.

Tingle potato chip.

All right, here it is.

It's an actual gross thing when you think about it.

You like potato chip?

You like that one?

That sounds like a mix.

Nice potato chip.

Terrible.

Anyway, I'm pulling up the map right now.

He's in Bristol, Connecticut, first of all.

He's in Bristol, Connecticut.

That's where I'm headed.

I'm just trying to find directions from one to the other.

Just another second here, guys.

Sorry.

I don't know.

I dig Milkman's picture.

What is that?

Computer decay?

I don't know.

What is that?

It's a computer exploding with data bits.

It looks like...

It looks like fucking...

It looks like the Bill and Ted phone booth to me.

That's what I always thought it was.

Yeah, I always thought it was like Bill and Ted.

It looks like they kind of stylized it instead of using wires or using data streams.

It's pretty rad.

The picture I saw on there reminded me that it was doing the calls and all that shit.

It's a neat picture because it looks very much like it was done with an electron microscope or something.

Like it's very small.

Electron microscope. Yeah, kind of, right?

It's got those weird little things just hanging off.

It looks like it's a video still. Is that what it is, Bill?

Where did you even find something like that?

I don't know.

I forget.

I was looking for something.

When I was populating Jack Masters' page and shit, I pulled up a bunch of images, and

I think it was Jack Valente.

Somehow, a computer image came up, and that's where I got it from.

You searched for Jack Valente, and that came up?

Really?

Wow.

Cool.

Well, I was populating his Facebook, so I was starting to look for pictures and shit.

that's why i i was his picture on there i went looking for like images and that's how he's got

a face he does a lot of calls and now he's got well yeah that's you got that facebook

fucking we should do we should do we should do more with that stuff

i pulled a bunch of clips when i was down for every day

you didn't get them for like nothing and they barely will do anything for like machine gotcha

okay all right yeah silicon graphics there you go i remember in the late 90s silicon graphics

everyone was like oh you know jurassic park was you know made on silicon and donkey kong country

for SNES, same thing.

Yeah, a lot of shit

on SNES.

And they had a chip in

N64, I think.

Yeah, N64.

API had a chip in N64, I think.

I don't know, but whatever.

Yeah, I remember being a little dork.

I'm calling this guy.

I got a driving sound effect.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message.

Tell him I'm on my way.

Hey, Ventaro.

Hey, listen, buddy.

Buddy, I'm on my way right now.

GPS?

Yeah, what's the address to go to?

That's 15.

15 what?

Yeah, try to help me.

15 what?

I got you.

Lois.

All right, give me a holler when you're there.

All right.

Hey, you're going to hook up the plow and everything?

Yeah.

All right, I'll see you there.

Bye, buddy.

Bye.

Guys.

it sounded like i was in my

you know what it sounded like it sounded like i was in my uncle's jeep in puerto rico when i was

like seven years old right after it rained and yeah going up the hill that's like a trail that's

supposed to be a road up to somebody's house exactly the way they do in the virgin island

I'm with the same shit as the Puerto Rican people, man.

They'll build around the side of a mountain, man, straight up, dude.

Yeah, that's where my people are from in Puerto Rico.

We're in the mountains, so to get up, you're going up, like, fucking steep hills and cliffs and stuff like that.

It's so scary.

Like, you've barely got enough room for two cars going around a cliff that's on a curve on a steep incline.

And on the left, right-hand side is a massive wall, which is the mountain, and the left-hand side is like a fucking death.

Death.

Death, yeah.

It's a fucking 50-foot drop to, like, a ravine in some cave system.

And you're like, okay.

You know, geotrackers, that's what we had, man.

That's like to go right up the side of those mountains like that, dude.

Yeah, yeah.

Dude, yeah, my uncle had that.

Taking a piss on air.

I got to do my M.O.

My uncle had, like, an old Liberty Jeep.

That was an old Freedom Jeep.

It was, like, 1987, 88.

And he also had, like, a Volkswagen Bug, but it was all tricked out.

out with like a big engine stuff well it was it was a regular like a blue it was like a powder

blue uh punch buggy you know like from like a 70s model of it but it was it had like a

different engine in it you know so it actually would go up mountains and stuff he used to

fucking that shit was fun as hell to drive i used to love yeah he had a bunch of stuff yeah

and that thing was like it was loud but it was fucking it would fucking book man that's

It's fucking awesome.

Anyway.

Yeah, you change that right there.

It's only good for the hills.

Out on the road, it would go about like 20 miles an hour at like 9 million RPM.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Up the side of the mountain, it would go.

Yeah, that was his little pet project car.

So he would just drive that around the mountainous area.

He would never take that one downtown.

I think we did once or twice just, you know, for the hell of it.

It was kind of fun.

Anyway.

Then they came out with locking hubs.

And you used to have to crumb out because I did this shit all the time as a kid.

We got stuck, dug it out.

man i've taken rocks out the side of mud mud hills just to put them underneath your wheels

they originally had a locking hub so you had to get out in the mud twist that little locking hub

and if it didn't go in which it didn't never go in right the guy had to be like backing up a little

bit and forward and you're out there and it's splashing mud everywhere and it's already getting

all over you then you could drive it and then finally i don't know much later they came with

the automatic ones you like you had to pull a lever and it would do it and then finally they

got the push button one nowadays but boy back in the old days when you had to go out there and

crawl through the fucking mud wait crawl through the mud what why why would you crawl through the

mud the front hubs are locked out before they did before they earlier four-wheel drives had

lockouts is how you could make it so you could drive at a different place they had a lockout

for the front wheels okay i got you then it would be a four-wheel drive okay okay cool cool that's

It's the old days, dude.

Back in the old school, man.

Yeah.

Oh, damn it.

I think you guys should just continue talking about Rax.

Hey, Matt, do you remember Rax?

Do you remember a place called Rax?

You ever go to a Rax?

Have you ever heard of it back in the day?

Rax?

R-A-X?

Yeah, R-A-X.

Yeah, it was like this little...

It was like Rax and Rally's.

Yeah, yeah, something like that.

You're talking about the beef plates?

Yeah, they did sliced beef.

Yeah, they had sliced beef and, like, roast beef sandwiches.

Those fucking places were bomb because they would let you, like, cook it up, you know?

Yeah.

And people used to drive a lot of cool old cars in there.

Yeah.

Cool old cars in there.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah, they would.

They'd go up.

All right.

They had the bomb horseradish sauce, though.

It was, like, creamy horseradish sauce.

All right.

Yeah, I'm talking.

I'm calling the UK.

Here's James Collins.

That sounds like an astronaut.

astronaut yeah ask if he's an astronaut an apollo astronaut james collins

you want to ask him sir yeah okay i'd love to jake collins

up your phone, dick.

Come on.

Hello, I'm sorry there's no one here to take your call at the moment.

You don't sound like me.

You sound like a little...

Hello?

I'll call him back.

Yep.

Hello?

Hello, I'm a poofy little tiny lad in my shirt.

I'm a dude done on this road.

You make love, as you call it.

You...

hello hello hello could you please put your husband on

james who is this matt fucking hell from the states we want to do a story about him

i understand there's a time difference but oh anyway racks man good sandwiches there man

do you remember the sauce they had the horse ready sauce it was kind of like creamy

me uh no fucking language hey fuck you fuck your language man on the phone i want to squirt racks

all over your world hero he's an astronaut for christ's sake you stupid god i want to jizz all

over your rib racks hello put the man on he's an astronaut here's james we'll keep them on while

I was going to keep them on.

We're going to call James Baker.

That sounds like a televangelist.

Welcome to BTR, answer 1571.

1571.

James Baker sounds like a...

For sure.

Welcome to BTR, answer 1571.

Did that dude die?

I know his wife died.

Tammy Faye died.

I don't think she...

I think he's still alive.

I think he's still working.

He's still grinning in prison, man.

No.

I think he's been out for a few years now.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, he's still just happy.

Every picture you see, he's like me.

Every picture you see of me, I'm happy as fuck.

Wait, who was Jimmy Swagger then?

Who was Jimmy Swagger and who was James Baker?

That was another one.

Old timer.

Don't know.

He was like Southern Baptist kind of shit.

Hello?

Dr. James.

Hello, James.

Hey, James.

Who's this speaking?

James on the phone.

Who is it?

It's Matt.

This is the lock.

It's James that owes me some cash.

What day am I on?

This is the service.

Put him on.

He's dealing with all these fucking birds.

Baz is here.

Big Baz.

We're keeping her on the line while we call James Curry instead.

Hey, Baz.

Hey, how's it going, Matt?

Good to hear your voice.

Milkman's here also.

We just found out what Milkman's avatar is.

I've never asked him.

I should have asked.

I always just stare at him.

Hey, how are you?

I'm good, and you, Bobby?

Hey, this is Bill Preston.

I'm looking for James.

Bill S. Preston.

Esquire.

My name is Bill S. Preston.

I'm looking for James.

Please, it's important.

James Curry.

And I'm his colleague, Ted Theodore Logan.

Please put him on.

Yes, we have a message from Rufus.

We need his help.

Stop the long window.

No, listen.

We need to talk to James Curry.

Where is he?

Is he sleeping?

He doesn't live here.

Where is he?

You guys don't know.

The Time Bandits must have gotten to him.

Oh.

Who the hell?

The Time Bandits.

What?

He yelled the Time Bandits.

They stole him.

Listen, did Lysol and the Time Bandits do something with him?

Did they?

Answer, answer, you stupid cunt.

Look, the Time Bandits are trying to kidnap all the important people in history.

So hang up.

Did they get to him?

Tell us.

We can help you.

Socrates is in the phone booth.

Socrates.

You're a man.

Talk to you.

Put a man on the phone.

Genghis Khan was the baddest, that man.

Milkman, you're Genghis Khan.

You look like Genghis Khan.

Who else was there?

Abraham Lincoln, right?

Genghis Khan.

Yeah, Genghis Khan.

Sigmund Freud.

So great, that's right.

You can call me Ziggy if you want to.

Napoleon.

He fell in love with the water slides, remember?

remember the bully is fucking stupid he was bullying and he was like saying shit

oh yeah the the one broad the crazy broad that heard the voices what was her name

joan of arc yeah dude yeah that was a good movie too that's crazy what was the movie

with Mila Jovovich

where she was...

I never saw that one.

I did see her

in The Return of the Blue Lagoon

where you saw her titties

for like two frames.

Nice.

Who the hell was the one

that were playing the music

because they were going to do

a school report, remember?

Because he was going to get sent

to military school

if they didn't get this report.

Yeah, the dad.

The dad, that was right, Ted.

It was the guy in there

there when they had it on the lights and stuff like whoa whoa somebody's trying to call yeah

shut up sir we have control of the phones we have control of the phones you're going to sit there

and hear our conversation we are from the royal service we have hijacked your phone we have

commandeered it in the name of the queen queen in the continental congress we're putting missiles

I'll give it to them.

They keep trying to hang up and they can't.

They're stupid.

They're stuck there. They are. Look at them.

Hey!

You're back.

I think it's funny.

Hey, did you want us to release the phone?

And they do it every time.

To show their disgust.

Alright, I'll call another one.

If you hang up the phone

and pick it up again and put it in your ear

it will shock you to fucking death.

Does my audio sound okay?

You sound all right.

Hillock is choppy a little bit.

Milkman's a little better.

I'm choppy?

Yeah, you've been choppy all night.

Well, look, I can't keep both of these on in order to do more calls.

It's not letting me do any more.

We're going to drop them off.

Which one?

The one that ends in three or the other one that ends in three?

Oh, there's two of the same one.

Seven.

Oh, that's both of them.

Oh, wow.

Maybe that's why they can't hang up.

I think I got some weird call thing going.

Anyway.

Let me see.

Oh, it's gone.

Yeah, I got him.

Still won't let me.

If I call this, my current call will be put on.

Let me redo the call.

I'll reconnect everybody, okay?

Okay.

10-1, Tim.

Okay, yeah.

Let him get up.

Something's taking over my lock.

The lock on my body's leaving.

What the fuck?

Oh, wow.

That's fun.

Wow.

I guess this is audio of Zolar smoking salvia for the first time.

Supposedly.

I don't know if he's acting or not, but let's all pretend it's real.

Holy shit.

Zolar's really freaking out here.

I've never heard this before.

I should play this in the background of prank calls.

like some guy in the background freaking out

oh shit that was already funny oh my god oh my god wouldn't it be

oh my god it feels like somebody's taking me oh my god it feels like somebody's taking me

it feels like somebody's taking me oh my god where's the camera where's the camera

oh my god oh my god oh my god

oh my god like a wave is coming oh my god oh my god like taking people's waves

is somebody dying oh my god oh my god oh my god how many people can i have

you guys are dying listen make sure

You hear Zolar, Milkman?

You get like, you start chopping pretty soon.

Oh my crap, that's Zolar.

God, Zolar's tripping balls in this, dude.

Have you ever heard this before, Milkman?

Uh-uh.

Holy shit.

What?

Hey, what's up?

You want to be on, good boy, or are you busy?

Cocksucker motherfucker.

Oh, I gotta get my goddamn headset in.

Isn't my fan in the background too loud?

Yeah, it is.

Definitely way too loud.

I'll kill that fucker.

I'm not going to be able to have so many people on, though.

I don't know.

Hey, Artie, what's up, man?

Hey, what happened to the IRC?

What's wrong with it?

Oh, you can't get in?

Yeah, I know.

It needs more...

I need more seats for it, you know?

It's bullshit.

I don't know.

Do we have any horses in there?

Evil Artie Farty Farty Artie, what's happening?

According to Enigma, he said even if you kick them out, it doesn't free any room up.

Oh, it's the server.

Yeah, it's off the server.

You'd have to kick them off the server, yeah.

Oh, you motherfuckers.

Yeah, I don't know.

I know Ted's talked about he could offer us maybe a bigger one.

That means we'd have to move everything all over again.

I guess it's not that big of a deal.

I don't know.

Maybe I'll talk to him about it.

He was trying to call me on earlier.

I don't know.

Bill, what do you think, Bill?

Moving all over again to another server?

I don't know.

That'd be the third time in less than a year.

Yeah.

It's a lot of fun.

Depends on the deal, man.

You know why?

If we get a deal, let's make sure we look at our options

before we make the deal this time

because after the game with the bullshit from before

and dick bag,

we've got to make sure the deal,

how solid it is before we take it again

because right now,

we're not owning to them at all.

Okay.

Hey, I've got a number here for Ambassador Cars

where a Muslim driver drove off

when he realized a blind customer had a guide dog.

Beautiful.

All right, I'm back.

See you.

How many people do we have?

What's up with all these old cars

and how much we need to talk about it.

You don't like the old car, Tom?

What's up with the local sports team?

The local sports team.

I'm about to go.

Is that Ambassador Cars?

Oh, boy.

I think we got way too many.

I didn't want any of that shit.

We're going to have to drop people.

Hey, look, I'm going to drop you

so I can have someone else on for a while, man.

Thanks for being on, bro.

I just opened another beer.

Oh, okay.

I got to drop somebody.

You can drop me.

I've got to go to Denny's in like 10 minutes.

Go ahead, drop me.

All right, we'll take it easy, man.

See you.

All right, we've got to cut down the usage here.

We'll keep you on there.

Yeah.

I just opened the beer, buddy.

All right.

It's fine.

That might do it.

You could have caught me right before I went.

Is Zolark still coming back?

No, no, no.

Zolark?

He wasn't here.

Was he here?

Zolark is.

I was trying to get him on, but he wasn't answering.

Hey, what's up, Artie?

What are you doing, man?

Are you back?

Are you here, Artie?

The evil party's working, man.

I can't hear him at all.

Yeah, you're several far away, Artie.

Is that better?

There you go.

What's up with you?

Oh, shit.

Now I have to hold on.

That's close.

Yeah.

Well, what'd you eat today, man?

Well, I went to Pizza Hut and got a stuffed crust pizza.

Nice, nice.

I don't like the taste of the crust and the stuffed crust.

The cheese is okay, but the crust isn't as good as the pan pizza.

You know what I mean?

It doesn't have such good of a flavor.

It tastes kind of processed, the crust does.

Like it's frozen, I think.

Yeah, a little bit.

Yeah, like it's been frozen.

It doesn't taste as fresh.

I think it is frozen.

Yeah, probably.

I'm pretty sure their dough is.

Yeah, I think all their crust is frozen there anyway.

It's all frozen until it gets to the joint and they thaw it out.

Yeah, they thaw it out to make the pizzas, yeah.

Then all you do is add sauce, cheese, and toppings and throw it in.

Slap some paste on it, buddy.

When it comes out, you cut it four ways.

One, two, three, four, real quick.

All right.

With that big half a saw.

Yeah, then you put the hole in the middle to spin your dick in.

Yep.

i want to piss you off we're gonna talk some fantasy football real quick yeah oh hey so what

are we real quick yeah what are we gonna do all right arty's here good and baz i was about to ask

you yeah okay so i reactivated the league from last year and i don't understand how the keepers

work you know what i mean like i set up a draft for the end of the month i think the 20 the 20

something it's on a thursday before the show so we would do like a draft thing right before the

show starts i can still change it i was thinking shoot can we just start a new league and i'll do

the kind that you pay for so that i have like really good control so if somebody drops out i

can release all their players you know like automatically and shit like that you know so

it's not locked and you know what i'm trying to say you couldn't do that last year i was wondering

why you never released uh you buy a custom one yeah you have to pay for the the premium one the

customer for it you get your own custom rules and you can limit who's coming in and out but

but then you can control them when their stats go bad

and they leave the game.

Yeah, like you can actually adjust things on the fly.

I'd be willing to chip in a bit for that.

Well, I think it's just a few bucks.

It's like nine bucks.

I think it was like 12 bucks, if I remember right,

because I was kind of looking at it before.

Well, if everybody chips in a buck, then it's...

It's a lot of bucks.

He never changed it.

Everybody puts in a buck.

You can also change your team amounts, too.

You can change your teams, too,

too, like how many people are in it, too.

It's completely customizable, if I'm not mistaken.

Yeah.

I think you can actually have up to two owners per team, which would be retarded, but I

guess it's possible.

I guess you want to cram a lot of people in there.

Yeah.

Anyway, so should we drop it down to 10 slots this year or 12?

I'm going to look at it real quick.

Sorry, guys.

We're taking a break from pranks.

Let's do 20.

You're going to do 20 teams?

No, dude.

No.

See how that affects the price, dude.

If you're going to buy one, if it don't affect the price, it'll make a difference.

It'll change it if you don't like it.

No, it doesn't affect the price, but what happens is you end up with, like,

a much smaller pool of good players.

You're going to be ripping your hair out.

It sucks.

With 12 last year, it was a clusterfuck.

Yeah, 12 was too much, I think.

I think we've got to go down to 10 teams, man, to be completely honest.

I'm trying to find a good quality backup quarterback and shit,

and it was just horrible.

Yeah, hang on.

I'm logging in now so I can tell you who was on last year

because I guess I've got to resend the invites.

But this would mean, I mean, if everyone from –

I guess it's only fair to invite everyone from last year.

We're going to drop one person.

I know that.

It's Richie.

So then we have to figure out someone else we're going to drop.

That's the problem.

Who took my slot?

Who was it?

I haven't heard from him in a while.

Who was it?

I had a slot.

Andy took your slot last year.

That's it, Andy.

We're going to have Andy come in this year?

I thought.

What?

What happened?

No, don't drop somebody to make room for me.

I mean, if only throw me in there if you have a free slot after you send the invites out.

Well, we have a free slot now because I already dropped Richie.

If we keep 12 teams, then we're good.

Is that what we're going to do?

There were other people interested in joining up,

but I don't want to have a massive league.

I don't want to have a 12-player league.

I'm in a 14-player league is what I'm saying.

10 preferably.

Drop Lonesome so that some of us have a chance of winning.

Wow.

Drop Dirty Aaron.

Just kidding.

Well, Aaron won.

He won the whole thing last year.

Shit.

No.

You can't do that to him.

That'd be real funny.

That was a complete bullshit.

I beat him twice.

twice, and then when it fucking

counted, he beat me in playoffs.

I had a horrible record, but

all my games are really tight, like

5 points, 7 points, I think

I had a few. For the most part, there weren't

two. I didn't have any blowouts.

I think I might have had one blowout, but

I had a lot of really close losses.

It really made me roll depressed really

fast, but you keep playing. It's still

fun. It makes it a little more exciting to watch

how the

NFL season progresses

in real time.

Okay, so

If I can get to the team

Okay, so we had

The Mouth was me, Thursday Night Teabaggers

Is that you, Artie, I think?

No, that was me

Okay, that was, okay

Alright, so Ken's there

I don't even remember what my name was

Oh, you went to the 69ers?

Yeah, he was a San Francisco 69er

I thought that was the year before

I can't remember, I just thought it was pretty funny

It might have been

Okay, alright, well, I guess we're gonna have to

I mean, all right, so we'll keep a 12.

Ken, what do you think?

A 12-team league this year again?

It worked.

I mean, I had a couple decent quarterbacks,

and then shitty Sanchez is like a third quarterback, but it worked.

Yeah, but if we dropped to 10, it would be so nice.

I'm saying if it was 10, you'd have a bigger pool when people started getting hurt.

Yeah, I guess so.

Shit.

Okay, all right, well, let me keep thinking about it.

Real quick, let me play the rest of Zolar tripping off his balls,

and we'll do some more prank calls.

We're done with this sports talk for now.

It's so interesting.

How did this happen?

How did this happen before I smoked?

Who said it?

Oh, my God.

It's sideways.

This is awesome.

I'm going to get it in my lips.

This is awesome.

This is funny stuff.

Can I pull down?

Are you watching me fall down?

Holy crap, man.

Please, please, I'm laughing.

Hello?

Yes, hey, is James there?

I need to talk to him, please.

I can't tell what you're saying.

Is James there?

My vision isn't letting me see silently anymore.

Who is he speaking, please?

This is Eddie.

I need to speak to James.

Who's speaking?

This is Eddie.

I don't know.

Hello?

Make a loud noise, Carlito.

hello yes listen i got this guy here he told me to call you he's having a drug manic episode

over here in the back room shut up do you know who this is no i'm gonna put him on he says he

knows you and he gave me your phone number he said james gee he keeps saying james gee

where are you now we're at the we're at the pub and he took some kind of drugs in the bathroom

room and he's really having a like an episode here and he said to call you do you see your son

no where's the camera hey i'm gonna put him on you tell me who he is here take the phone

hello yeah who is this guy i don't know do you have any kids like taking people's ways no i don't

know i said he's taking your waves he's taking down now okay put it down gently gently okay good

We need to speak to the Turkish kitchen

We've given them a long enough break

Oh, the Faison, Milkman

Faison, Faison time

Here we go

Uh-oh

Hey, Carlito

Uh-oh

What's up, Beth?

Hey, are you going to be running for the show for another 30 minutes, do you think?

Maybe

Oh, shit, we've got to call that guy back about the plow

I just got a text from Ice Goose

And he just gave me the number of where he'll be in 30 minutes

Okay

So we can try to prank

Okay

Okay. Where was he going again to go get something?

He didn't tell me.

He was going to Denny's.

Denny's.

Oh, yeah. So I've got the number for the Denny's. He will be out in 30 minutes.

Okay, cool.

I'll put it in chat when we get closer to that time.

Put it in the chat. Let me load up my sound effects of the car driving.

We should be approaching this one guy's place here.

I'm almost there.

You're almost there?

Yeah, when will you be there?

i'm here you're there now yeah all right my car's heating up though

what's that i got a problem with the car all right well you're gonna come down like a new

highway yeah my temperature you're gonna see a car wash on your left in the car wash

there's a bar that's called legend and that's where willow street is

Go in the lower street.

Right in the back of the lower street, there's a parking area.

Okay.

In the park right there.

And when you get there, call.

Okay.

All right.

I'll be there shortly.

Get ready.

How long about?

I don't know.

Well, my high temperature light's coming on the dashboard.

What time is it?

I might need you to come pick me up because I think my car's overheating.

Your car's overheating right now?

I might need you to come pick me up if it overheats too much.

I can't come pick you up.

Oh, come on.

I don't know this area.

You can at least come pick me up and get me to the gas station.

Yeah, but you got to tell me where you're at.

Are you in Thompson?

I'm still on the way, but if my car overheats, I'll pull over and you can come pick me up.

I'll get to safety.

I'll see you when you get to safety, and I'll be waiting for you.

All right, I'll see you.

Thank you.

All right, Mike.

All right, he's going to come bring us to safety.

FedEx wants to know how many fucking gears your car has.

Like 10,000 RPMs?

It's the thing that's about to fucking explode.

Tell him you're coming in first gear, so you'll be there in just a little bit.

You can only go in first gear, right?

Yeah, it's only in first gear.

I can't get in the first gear.

It's like, whoa, shit.

I was flying there at 19 miles an hour.

My clutch is...

My clutch...

You hear the fucking tire squealing.

He says nothing about it.

It sounds like he's drinking all these turds.

Like, yeah, I know.

Where the fuck is he?

It sounds like he's in the mountains in the jungle or something, man.

It's fucking Mountain Roads.

Like I said, Milkman, you know?

Mountain Roads.

We lost Hillock.

Hillock is gone.

He just had another beer.

Maybe the Ativan kicked in.

I guess so.

He was freaking out for a little bit there.

Good to talk to him.

I'm glad he's home, and I'm glad he got some pills.

That'll make him happy for a while, you know?

Yeah.

Maybe that's what the kid needs.

There you go.

A little bit of vitamin A.

It's too bad you didn't stay on.

The Faison would have made him happy, too.

That's true.

Let's call Faison.

Milkman, Faison.

Milkman, will you go there and eat and let us know how the food is, at least?

They've never heard you before, dude.

I don't know, dude.

I don't think I want to eat there.

I mean, I'm kind of scared listening to this guy on here, man.

I mean, who knows?

I'll tell you, it looks like a little Onassis.

I might try it out, dude, because I'm sure they got some fries.

The food is awesome, though.

Matt's back.

Yay.

It's actually a nice-looking joint.

Yeah, it looks nice.

The horse guy looks like fucking Onassis, dude.

He looks like he's about like 5'4", something like that.

He ain't very fucking big.

Well, they've got a...

Little gray-haired, old little gray-haired little sucker.

He don't look like he sounds.

He sounds like he's like a six-footer or something, you know,

dark hair or something.

He's some older dude.

Glasses, looks like Onassis with gray hair.

Well, they've got good reviews.

You should recall them at the house.

I actually have heard good things about it.

I actually wanted to stop there, but after getting to know him, I'm good.

Hello.

Hello, no one is available to take it.

He's not answering.

What's the area code?

No one is available.

Milkman, what's the area code?

I forgot the area code.

If I can find the area code on this.

510.

Okay, thank you.

Yeah.

That poor robot.

He's been having feet shocked inside the cell.

Yeah.

Something to do with him?

Yeah, he said he'd like to make an order, honey.

Hello?

I'm glad you didn't order.

Let's see.

Can I have one?

Do you have the chicken dinner?

One chicken dinner, please.

Hello?

She knows who I am.

She knows your voice, man.

Yeah, she does.

Call her back.

Let me talk to her.

She sees Thursday on the wall.

As soon as you say day Thursday, man,

their phone gets really messed up.

That's the first time in months.

I've only talked to her once.

Talk to her, Baz.

We're going to get a fax, John.

That's what always happens.

That's my impression of a fax.

Hello?

Hello, honey baby.

I was going to tell her I was from the

locker room of Snozzwell and Kniff.

Did we ever

call the other one?

There's a Turkish kitchen on the other side of town.

I know, and I don't think we've ever actually called.

I've got a pretty good Greek restaurant,

but they won't talk to me. They know my voice.

Do you want me to put the

number in Skype chat?

Yeah, put it in.

Hey Carlito, do you see some of the

shit that Giotto posted

posted about his science experiments.

What? What happened?

He put a Craigslist

ad out, and trying to get these people

to come in and sign up for this experiment

where he'd pay them five grand a day for a

week, and he was going to take a pint

of their blood and replace it with Gatorade.

What?

That is so funny.

They're like, oh yeah,

that sounds good.

The first round hit a hundred percent

death rate, because

they used the yellow Gatorade, and now they switched

So everything will be good this time

That shit was also funny

The dude was like I'm bored with it

It's like alright

As long as it's shit now

I kept telling him my name was Dr. Kniff

I studied at the University of Connecticut

And

The guy's like oh okay

I kept telling people I was going to have to put a penal cuff on him

For the week

Dr. Kniff

Who's this you're calling

Uh, this is a different Turkish kitchen.

What?

Kitchen?

Yeah, this is Turkish kitchen.

Hey, buddy, how are you?

How are you?

Oh, man, I had to deal with Turkish kitchen in Berkeley in California,

and they're real jerks.

They're real assholes, you know?

Are you affiliated?

What are you dealing with?

Well, you're the one in New York City, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm visiting here.

I'm from California.

But I went to Turkish Kitchen in California, and they were real mean to me.

I want to see if it's the same people.

Do you know Faizan the High One?

Do you know her?

Do you know who I'm talking about?

Where are you from?

I'm from California, from Berkeley.

Okay.

What do you need?

I want to make an order.

Sure, but right now we're closed already.

What?

We're closed already.

When do you open again, big guy?

Sorry, man.

When do you open again?

When do you open again, sexy?

Tomorrow.

I'll touch your hair.

Come in, and I'll stroke your hair, your nice, beautiful black hair,

your Turkish hair

we're Greek

yeah

why don't you come right now

I'm Greek

I want to go there

and touch your hair

sure

why don't you come right now

I'm going to pull you by the hair

and pull you down the stairs

sure

pull you down

just come right now

I'm here

why don't you come

I'll pull you down the stairs

you Malacca

can I come to your cross

Malacca

yeah

we're Greek

I'm here right now

why don't you come

we're Greek

and we're going to come

sure

it doesn't matter where you're from

you know

we fuck you

you know

yeah

do you have sister

my friend

yeah

if you're looking for something else

I have a big one

what's he called sister

do you have a tight asshole

yeah

what we're looking for he has a big one guys

he tells you

why don't you come right now

cause you said you were closed asshole

all those turks are so fiery

it's hilarious

I think my roomie is a turk

especially when you want to like kiss his sister

nobody kisses my sister but me

if you fucking tight one

hang on guys

Matt

what are you talking about

what's going on

in Rumi

I think he was

Turgers

but he couldn't

speak anymore

he had a stroke

and brain surgery

oh man

so he talked

like nonsense

but we got along

really well

that's cool

but him just like

pointing at shit

and I'm like

you want me to

leave some music on

and he's like

yeah

he's bopping his head

to Rappi

that's cool

I wanted to film

all that shit

there's like

kippa type claws i got one picture with him on the way out very cool very cool his helmet on he

was a fucking great guy he had a helmet on yeah because he had a soft spot they happened to

replace the old chunk of skull they took out oh shit holy crap that's scary yeah derp the turk

that's who that was okay let's continue derp the turk um do you have any uk numbers uh yes i do

We've called them some of them, but I can get a few more that I skipped over.

Oh, UK Hospital.

Yeah, let's do that.

Michael, let's call you Michael Worthington.

How about that for you there, Mr. Snozzlewell?

Okay.

Michael Worthington.

Michael Worthington, yep.

That's the name of my football coach in high school.

Oh, yeah.

Coach Worthington.

I'm not available at the moment.

Can I leave you?

Nope, not in there.

It sounds like a sexy little cat robot with low batteries.

Okay, yeah.

Cat robot with low batteries.

Low batteries.

It was trying to talk to you.

Michael Franklin, everybody.

Michael Franklin.

What's your last name?

Franklin.

Eleanor Roosevelt.

Hello.

May I speak with Michael Franklin, please, immediately?

I'll keep calling.

Yes, my name is David Snozzwell.

I'm calling from the Royal Service.

I need to speak with Mr. Franklin immediately, post-haste.

It's the middle of the night here.

Are you calling from above?

I'm calling from the Royal Service.

It's a matter of the utmost urgency.

Please put Mr. Franklin on the phone immediately.

What's the Royal Service?

The Royal Service.

We are a division of the UK Ministry of Service.

Why do you call at an hour, not in the middle of the night?

Well, this is a matter of the utmost urgency.

We are calling on the Queen's command.

Please put Mr. Franklin on the phone.

This is man business.

Immediately.

At once.

Did she hang up?

No, I think she's still there.

I think she's getting him.

She's definitely working the bullseye.

Burst your teeth, bitch.

She knew her place.

She's answering the phone.

Leaving him to sleep.

No, this is man business.

Here's Petro Express while we wait for her.

Oh, she finally dropped.

Oh, she hung up.

I'll call her back.

I'm going to call Petro Express in Alaska and ask if Dirty Aaron stopped by.

Dirty Aaron was in Alaska.

Hello, Mr. Franklin, immediately, please

This is, no, I'm not joking around

I need to speak with him immediately

This is Mr. Snozzwell with the Royal Service

I don't know what the Royal Service is

What's that mean?

What do you do?

Well, Mr. Franklin will know what the Royal Service is

This transmission is for his ears only

Okay, look, we're from the Royal Butt Sex Service

He called, he wants us to come over and service his rectum with our penises

Damn it.

Fuck yeah.

Rub it all over.

Okay.

So, shirt hits.

Are you down for watching this all?

Yeah, can we cut off your titties?

Bugger, bugger your men.

Get him on the line, bitch.

Did you say buggering?

Rub it all over.

Yeah.

Can we bugger your husband in front of you?

Fuck you.

Maybe we can all have a big orgy.

have a go at his ass it might have just been me but i don't think she was too surprised about uh

the company her husband keeps the company of men

yes hello i'm looking to see if my friend aaron stopped by he was in alaska and we're trying to

find him um you know this is a pretty yeah y'all know each other in this town in this state alaska

is pretty small so not that small well it's got like the smallest number of people yeah but at

At the moment with tourist season, there's over 6,000 people in this town.

Yeah, but Aaron, you know, he's got a big beard.

You know, everyone knows Aaron.

Dirty Aaron, you know?

You don't know who Dirty...

No?

Yeah.

Oh, man.

He's got really big sexual organs.

You don't know what I'm talking about.

He's got a nice, hot, sexy wife.

He throws her down the stairs.

Hangs out in the men's room a lot.

Nice, sexy wife he throws down the stairs.

You heard that part?

I had a different idea for that guy, but I forgot it.

That's just for us.

Yeah, was she there, Mrs. Aaron?

Who?

Mrs. Aaron, was she there?

Without anybody by that name.

Oh, okay.

All right.

All right, you got lots of black people in this town?

What's that?

You got a lot of black people in this town?

Oh, not really.

Not really?

A lot of black people here?

All right, bye-bye.

Okay, that's good, man.

Cool.

Should have been a quick question on the phone.

Carlito next, UK calm.

Baz is going to come in a little baby died.

Oh, I didn't say that.

Wait, next UK called bass is going to what now?

Tell him that the royal baby died.

Oh, God.

I don't know about that.

He just put it on there, and he's looking for someone to deliver the royal eulogy.

Hey, you know about the royal baby?

LOL, JK, it's a subword.

All right.

James Collins, the astronaut we tried to call earlier.

Okay, well, do you want me to tell them?

Yeah, we're calling James Collins again.

Matt had fun with them earlier.

Okay.

Tits, tits, tits.

Hello, I'm sorry

there's no one here to take your call at the moment

Hello, I'll try again

Busy, trying again

Lots of sustaining numbers, so I can't

Oh, here we go

It's Zolar

Hello, I'm sorry there's no one here to take your call at the moment

Hey, Zolar

It's funny, with a name like that

I thought I was a nigger or some sort

Oh my, hey Zolar

What's going on?

Dude, how are you, man?

cool i saw somebody added me to a call and i jumped in i was just doing a show and i thought

i'd jump in because i'm playing a audio here that i found that's you having a salvia trip

oh my god yeah was that for real or were you acting oh no no that was 100 real was that the

first time you ever had some wild shit was that your first time doing the salvia or no yeah yeah

Yeah, it was the first time.

It was crazy.

Wow.

It sounds crazy.

It sounds like fun.

I've been thinking about playing into the background while I call people and just saying,

Oh, I don't know.

What clip are you playing?

I really never, I mean, I've heard it once before, but is it like a crazy sound or something?

It's you.

Yeah, you're like screaming shit.

You're tripping balls.

And I'm keeping it in the background and say, I got some guy here who's tripping balls

in the bathroom.

And you're sitting there like, ooh, watch, I'll play it.

My sight's not allowing me to see sight.

Is somebody dying?

Oh, my God.

Somebody dying.

Oh, my God.

Anyway, hey, I just wanted to say what's up, man.

I haven't talked to you in a while.

I hope you're doing good.

Hey, everything all right with your dad and all that?

I don't know whatever came of that.

I hope I'm not...

No, no, no.

I mean, you know, he's not suffering.

He's not suffering or in any real pain, but he's lost a lot of weight, and, you know,

he has cancer that can't be cured or treated.

Oh, man.

I'm sorry, dude.

well prayers go out to you and uh yeah don't worry man just enjoy the times you know that you got

make the best of them yeah no he's 75 he's had a full life nobody said we don't want to see him

suffer so we're okay with it you know what i mean everybody's okay he's okay it's all good okay good

good i won't bring that up anymore but anyway that that audio that you were playing of me is

maybe because i remember now uh when i was tripping i was laughing that people were dying

isn't that crazy you were laughing that they were dying that was funny humorous yeah and they're

petty i mean how crazy is that i mean like i was looking at what happened was is like uh imagine

everything was like pixels on the television like millions of pixels and each little pixel

no your video no it's not on i'm sorry that's matt go ahead so you saw little pixels you said

no i was imagining myself like being like you know all my pixels were being washed away from

from the bottom up, and I was trying to get out of, like, the ocean of pixels

that were washing away people from their ankles up, and as I got on that chair,

I was above the, like, tide, and I was looking at people being washed away,

and I was like, you're dying, oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, oh, my God, you know,

I don't know why, it was like some nervous laughter.

Wow, wow, man, that's, so, like, you're, that's, like, depixelating from the feet up,

that's gonna, kind of freaky, yeah, I don't know, I've never touched this stuff.

That was weird.

Like, that's when they gave me all the, um, what's the ketamine injections in the ER the one time.

And it felt like just lights, like ceiling and floor, like closing off on me.

And I was getting squished and all this shit.

And the doctors looked like the Monty Python animation heads.

Like, ah, man.

Oh, okay.

With just the jaw going down.

it was fucked up i was all claustrophobic and fucked up afterwards yeah well when i was

hospitalized i was on morphine and i i freaked out thinking i had a horse head and i had crutches

for legs and i started i started screaming you know who am i like that and they had to come over

they had to come over like well calm down sir calm down one time one time my friend was on salvia

and it was summertime you know but uh i don't know he looked cold or whatever it was like he

He didn't have a shirt on, and I took one of my shirts from my closet,

and I put it on him while he was tripping,

and when he kind of started becoming coherent, he was like,

oh, my God, what have I got on?

Oh, my God, I'm not you, am I?

I didn't turn into you, did I?

He thought he was me.

Wow.

That's hilarious.

Can you still buy that shit in the head shops and stuff?

I don't know.

Yeah, I got mine on eBay when I got it.

I don't know.

With that NSA shit, I'd be afraid of doing the eBay thing.

What's up, Zolar?

I mean, Baz, go ahead.

I'm sorry.

Zolar, you should move to old Washington State.

We just legalized weed care recreationally.

Well, it's decriminalized here, and it's working its way towards being completely legal for medicinal purposes and stuff like that.

But, yeah, I should move to California.

down get his script oh yeah california actually new york diesel fucking ms man oh my god is that

really milkman in the call yeah that's milkman what's up bro

good to see you my brother good to see you brother how you been man hey hey zolar just

to remind about two or three weeks ago both you and me hit eight years of doing uh prank calls

oh my god has it been eight years eight years yeah it was this is fucking nuts man

why did i think zolar was a shine i don't know why what zolar doesn't even sound like a black man

impersonation oh shit hey there was a guy in chicago that used to do a radio show named

named Zoltan or something.

The car guy's friend.

Yeah, hang on, hang on, guys.

We got the car guy calling.

Whoa.

You hear me?

Yeah, I'm pulling over now at the gas station.

Huh?

I don't know where this is.

I have no clue what town you're in.

I'm just at a gas station.

I was maybe like 10 minutes away.

Not even, like 5.

Can you come?

Please come pick me up.

I got steam coming out of the car now.

Dude, my truck's unregistered right now.

What are you driving?

I've been in the hospital for two months.

Okay.

And my registration lapse, my insurance lapse, I lost my electricity and my rent, too.

That's the only reason why I'm dumping this thing off.

Honey, honey, why don't you just tell the fellow we'll give him $500 and maybe it'll help him out.

We'll give you $500 to help you out if you come pick me up.

Hi, sir.

I'm his wife.

We'll give you $500 if you come by and help us.

You're going to pay me $500?

Yes.

And you're going to buy my truck?

Yeah, I'm going to buy your truck no matter what,

as long as you do the whole thing where I want you to drive around

and, you know, say I have a skirt on and go, shh, you know, all that.

You know, we just want to see it.

Yeah, the secret shit.

I'm a very honest person.

The truck is golden.

and I'm a one-owner.

It's got 100,000 miles in 12 years.

Okay.

Never been beaten.

I'm the only one that plowed with it.

I beat my car.

I mean, the plow needs to be painted a little bit.

I mean, there's minor, you know, it's just superficial shit.

But as far as the body on the truck, there's no rust.

There's no dents.

It looks like a brand-new truck.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Okay, can you, if you please just come, I can get you the address of where I'm at.

It's the gas station.

I think it's really close to you.

It might even be, like, within really close distance, you know?

Honey, honey.

You know what I'm saying?

It's probably really.

I love to show new guys my breast implants.

Hey, let me call you back, okay?

I'm going to call you right back.

You have to know where you're at.

All right, I'm going to call him back because he's not on Skype right now,

and it sounds a lot lower, and he can't hear you guys as well either.

Uh-oh.

Yeah, what's up?

Well, that's good because you're supposed to be on a phone.

I guess so.

You're allegedly talking on a cell phone.

Okay.

What's up, Zolar?

No, Zolar, I don't think you – I've never talked to you.

I'm Baz.

I'm a longtime listener of Carlito and PCU and always enjoyed your pranks.

I just wanted to say I was really hoping to get a Carlito-Zolar tag team prank.

Wow, that's sour.

Thank you for jumping in on that.

That was awesome.

Brought to you by Baz.

Baz.

Yeah, that's why I kind of jumped in as his wife and stuff.

I'm having really bad connection issues, guys.

I didn't know the guy could hear me, though.

Yeah, we can hear you now.

Kill the video, guys.

If you have video on, maybe that'll help out a little bit.

The video on my end, I can't ever do the video anymore.

Thanks, appreciate it.

Solar, is Prankmaster still about?

Is he doing anything these days or whatever happened with that cat?

Yeah, he helps me out with my show still.

Yeah, it's Major K.

Oh, yeah? Oh, okay.

Okay.

Don't say prank master.

That's disrespectful.

It's major chaos, right, Zola?

I wish I could prank hamster.

I have to find something that'll make my, I have my old computers.

What do you call it?

The brain of it?

What do you call that thing?

I got to get it to be able to plug in by USB.

The brain.

Oh, he's got IDE drives.

You got to get an enclosure, a five and a half inch enclosure, and then you can run it.

Those are a few bucks.

You can put them right in.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and I got all that old audio from PCU.

Oh, dude, that would be awesome.

Get someone to edit that, you know?

That's right.

You upgraded your computer, man.

Oh, my gosh.

That would be awesome.

Remember how we used to torture chaos?

Yeah, the pissing on the feet and all that.

I mean, the prank master.

Yeah, oh, my God.

I got all of that on my old computer.

I got the hard drive right in my closet right here.

I just got to figure out how to hook it up to my computer

because it's not the same as now for hooking it up.

I don't know.

Okay.

Oh, man.

That's great, man. He did the confession and everything, man. That boy is something else.

We need to call the Denny's on Ice Goose.

The Denny's? All right, hang on. Let me call this guy back, see if I can at least get him to head out to this gas station that I pulled up on Google Maps in his neighborhood, or his general area.

I almost killed it because I did the script.

Pick it out kind of far away so you've got more time to get there.

Say, like, where were you originally? Tell him you're a lot further away.

the party you are trying to reach

is not available to take your call

please leave a message after the tone

press the pound key to end recording

hey I'm at the gas station

pick up please

he didn't give up

he forgot to pay his bill

don't give up on me

don't give up

the party you are trying to reach is not available to

no answer damn that sucks

okay what else are we doing here

what did you say Ken you had one

on Ice Goose. Ice Goose is at the

Denny's. The Denny's.

Okay.

While he's doing that, can

Lonesome Loser look up the number to

a Motel 6, and then after

we're done with this guy's prank, we'll try a Motel 6.

Okay, yeah.

That's cool. Motel 6. You want the front

desk or rooms you're looking for?

If we could actually get to a

room, that would be cool. If you could just plunge

up a room number and it goes right through, ring

into a room, that would be cool. Ken and Baz,

you probably know better some good places

is that you've been calling those kind of things recently, right?

I think Motel 6 in Duluth is usually a good target.

Yeah, if somebody knows a hotel that you just push up the numbers on the phone to the room.

Yeah, so I got one.

Let me look it up in my log here.

Okay, Baz will post that here in a second.

It's in Kent, Washington.

Put it in the chat.

Sounds like a dickhead name.

Who's going to do Denny's?

Anyway, we can do the Lysol thing.

What was the whole thing, Ken?

Wasn't Lysol in the bathroom?

Or Reggie was in the bathroom, right?

Lysol's supposed to leave the pills.

Or there's a hooker over there charging us money for fucking handies when you're going in the bathroom.

I thought it was a washroom attendant.

Thank you for calling.

This is Christina.

Is this a go order?

This is a complaint.

Okay.

Listen, my friend Lysol was, I left some money in the toilet behind the commode over there in the men's room.

Uh-huh.

And he was supposed to come, and he was going to drop off a thing of pills,

and I was going to come pick it up, and it wasn't there.

You understand?

Hello?

Did she hang right up?

Is that what happened?

It's a funny scenario, though.

The pills part might have threw her for a little bit there.

I'll just say a package.

Maybe get Zolar to be Lysol.

Hey, man.

I left the freaking pills there.

Hey, man.

Thank you for calling Denny's.

Will this be a good order?

Yeah, we got disconnected.

What happened?

Oh, yeah?

Don't hang up.

Hello?

Why did you hang up?

No, don't press charges.

Come on.

What's the matter?

I haven't done anything.

So why are you calling?

Because I left the money behind the commode in the toilet.

And someone was going to leave something there for me.

And I came back in.

And he said he left it.

And the money is gone.

And there's nothing there.

And then I called him.

And he swears up and down to God that he took the money and left it.

He left it.

Oh, well, you know, I don't know who would leave money behind toilets, so, I mean, I'm sorry.

That's nobody's business.

It's my money.

It's a private toilet.

It's private space.

You said you were going to get the stuff, man.

What I do when I'm in the toilet, it's what I'm doing, man, and we're desperate over here.

We are desperate.

You guys have Jones in, man.

Oh, well, okay.

We really need this.

Please, do you know who took it?

um i don't go into men's restrooms very often so no i don't sorry

so you know anybody who came out with like a brown paper bag

she doesn't go very often just every now and again

it sounds like i'm calling for some drug den or something

with a bunch of guys in the background like,

It sounds like you're calling from the same cell, dude.

Awesome.

Did we get the Motel 6 there?

Sunset Motel, is it?

Sunset Motel, yeah.

You can ring directly.

Brent, you would have called way well before they got that bad to be screaming.

I'd be like, hey, hey, hey, hey, man.

I think that would have been a good premise,

just telling them that there was a hooker offering fucking $15.95 for a handjob.

which isn't the problem.

The problem was she didn't have change for a 20.

Yeah, that's not right.

That's totally unprofessional.

All right, Zolar.

So you said 111 through 118 are occupied usually.

Yeah, they're usually occupied.

Cool.

So we can get right through to them and they can hear me?

Yes.

They can hear you.

Last time we called, which was a couple months ago.

You know your party's room number.

You may dial it at any time.

Please hold while I try that extension.

I'll call in.

Hey, Zolar, are you Zolar Glenn on Facebook?

Yep.

Yeah.

Thank you for calling.

Please hold while I try that extension.

Glenn Zolarski.

This is 112.

112, by the way.

That's a big call you're wearing.

All right, nobody answering at the Crackhead Motel.

I guess they're all out on the street right now.

They're all working.

It's too early.

How don't you call me?

Thank you for calling.

Please hold while I try that extension.

Fuck yeah, you called my room?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, that extension is not available.

Ah, skip it.

Fuck.

All right, well.

Skip.

Sorry is all I want.

That's all right.

It happens.

All right, moving on.

Thank you for calling the Sunset Motel.

Oops.

I already dialed it.

I'm old while I try that extension motel.

Is that where a lot of old people go to die?

You go to get laid.

I've got a fistful of poppers.

Oh, this is a gay popper joint?

Hello?

Hi, good evening.

This is Dave with the front desk.

Can you hear me, sir?

Yep.

All right, listen.

We're having a problem with the septic in your area and the Department of Environmental Protection is making us move the guests to a different room.

So would you pack your things together, come down to the front desk, and we'll relocate you and compensate you for your inconvenience with a free night stay another time?

Wow, it's going down like that, huh?

How much time do I got?

About five or ten minutes at the most.

Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm going to start packing up right away.

All right.

Well, I appreciate it.

uh am i speaking with the uh signed renter of the room what's your name yeah yeah nate nate and the

last name thompson okay well we're going to you know what you know what's your name i'm dave with

the front desk what i'm going to do is i'm going to reassign you with the uh better room that i

actually have available for this evening yeah you know what come on down and talk to me in person

man i don't like being over the phone man you could be anybody from any room oh dude you know

what you just busted me that's the first guy who's ever done that yeah yeah usually i get

suckers to pack up and you were about to if i didn't go a little bit further you were almost

about to do it and i pushed it too far but guess what bro we're gonna tie you up and everything

guess what though what's up now i know your name i got your room number i'm gonna be sending you

some stuff to that room you ready for male prostitutes this evening yeah yeah come on

through man no doubt bro i'm gonna send them on through

You're fucked up, dummy.

Check out Too Fresh.

Get that asshole lubed up.

He is a little too clever.

So anyway, did anybody remember the name?

His name was what?

Nate Thompson.

Nate something.

Nate Thompson.

Yeah, we missed it.

Nate Thompson, that's me.

Nate Thompson, yeah.

All right, now we can call up.

We remember the room number he was in, Carlito?

Yeah, 118.

So we can call up the front desk and check out.

This is Nate Thompson in room 118.

We'll say I'm not calling.

My toilet's all plugged up.

Everything's fucked up up here.

Yeah, okay.

All right, here we go.

We'll do it.

This room says non-smoking, but I don't give a fuck.

I'm a life disjoiner.

118?

Yeah, 118.

Thank you for calling the Sunset Motel.

I'm a thiever.

To keep up your party's room number, you may dial it at any time.

Zero.

For reservations or to reach the front desk, please dial zero.

Please hold while I try to...

Is it Johnson or Thompson?

Thompson.

Thompson, Thompson with a T.

Okay.

Sunset Motel.

Yeah, you made Thompson in 118.

I can't call you from the phone in the room because there's something all over it.

I went to make a call on the phone in the room and somebody put some junk all over it

and the cleaning lady did not clean it.

Really?

Yeah, I'm in 118.

Can somebody come over here and clean this phone up immediately, please?

Well, I do not have housekeeping.

keeping. Ma'am, I know

it's a crummy hotel, but I paid

to be in this room, and my bitch ain't

gonna give me no status if I don't

get this phone clean. I could

hand you some paper towels.

Can you come bring me some disinfectant?

I don't...

Ma'am, I'm begging you. I'm trying to get

some prune tonight, and she ain't gonna up it

if the phone ain't clean. Really?

Haven't you been in this room for a while?

I didn't try to use the phone till now,

and there's some junk all over, like K.Y.

I'll drill it.

Okay, well, I'll see if I can bring something for you.

All right, all right.

I'm going to take a shower because it got on my hand.

I'm going to take a shower and knock on the door hard so I hear you.

I'll come out and get it, please.

Okay.

All right.

Damn, they were saying it was a prank call.

It is?

Man, that was the best, man.

It's like the Bubba Cobble voice there, man.

Yeah, but I think I could have heard someone in the back saying it's a prank call, right?

Damn.

For real?

It sounded like the guy from the room was down there.

Was he down there?

Yeah.

It sounded like him.

Yeah.

It might have been him.

Oh, he was probably complaining about his prank call.

Yeah.

He came down to the front room.

Oh, that happens.

That happens.

I just put a picture of Nate from 118 in the Skype chat.

Okay.

I'll check that out.

Nate from 118.

That's Nate from 118.

Nasty Nate.

Okay.

Cool, man.

You kidding me?

We found a picture of him?

No.

It's something weird Ken posted in the Skype chat.

Yeah, it's just a, what the hell, is that like a record album, dude?

No, it was from Half-Baked when the friend was in jail, a nasty date.

I was going to say, that's who I thought that was.

I remember that one.

Oh, the calendar.

The guy in jail cell with his buddy.

Yeah, he scribbled out his cock, right?

He's like, no.

Dirty chuggles, love.

No.

Nasty date.

Okay, cool.

Let's continue here.

It's 110 in the morning.

I have nothing to worry about.

We've got plenty of numbers.

We can keep calling here.

Here's a Motel 6.

Zolar, if you want to do another one like that.

No, I just wanted to do one.

That was good enough.

All right.

That was awesome.

I'm going to do one of my colored room calls that I like to do here.

Let's see if I can get someone to answer.

Lonesome just confirmed these.

I'll call and say that we made a mistake.

We put them in a colored room.

Hello, and thank you for calling Motel 6 Indianapolis East.

If you know the room number.

good evening

evening.

Thank you for calling Motel 6 East.

This is Amanda.

Oh, what are you doing?

Working.

Oh, yeah?

That's cool.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

Is it busy and stuff?

No.

No?

That's cool.

How's the heat?

It's raining outside.

Yeah, I know.

It feels pretty good though, right?

I like the rain.

And the water is warm.

It's a warm, chubby rain, you know?

Oh, I'm inside, so I wouldn't know.

You ever like to go outside in the rain, look at a rainbow?

You got to be careful with the lightning.

Hey, so when do you get off?

Maybe you can come by.

I got an ice bucket here and some champagne, you know?

That's all good for you.

Is there something you need that I can help you with that has to do with Motel 6?

Yeah, I got some HBO here.

here can you help turn it on for me no can you um did you call back up here and call the police

for harassment no i command you apologize damn it i don't know why it's i bet the ring just

rolls off of her nipples yeah if i remember i think motel six started interfering with

the uh prank calls after like eight years of us doing shit they're not amused anymore

they finally figured it out that it was a bad idea to well the 7-eleven sent out a memo about

lot of a lot of people and uh we had them call the ones down in hawaii they're like oh yeah no

problem they still keep doing shit yeah that's hawaii it's you know they're dumber they're

they're dumber they had a guy last week at 7-eleven read us all the memos they had and like

nope nothing about us that's cool a lot of those are like franchises are actually privately owned

by somebody and then you know they just carried the 7-eleven name so that's why most of the time

We can't really get anything from them, you know.

Yeah.

Yeah, it is different.

Kind of like the way the burger shops are.

There probably are some name brand ones, but I think most of them, at least around here, are individually owned and stuff.

I forget how much.

There's like a price if you want to have one built or whatever and then franchise it.

There's like a price for it.

It's like that up here in Seattle too, Milkman.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, but you get their gas and, you know what I mean, like whatever 7-Elevens.

I just read an article like about McDonald's the other day.

you have to be worth, like, net, like, 2.1 million before they'll ever let you fucking franchise anything.

Yeah, and it has to be liquid assets.

It has to be cash in the bag.

It can't be stuff.

Nothing loaned or anything like that.

It's got to be your money fucking liquid.

Yeah.

My neighbor owns three, and he, well, he owned three, but his wife, ex-wife, got one in the divorce settlement.

Oh, sweet.

That's cool.

You don't really often see a McDonald's location that's been shuttered up or closed, you know what I mean?

I mean, I've maybe seen a few, but I don't know, at least in the places I've lived,

I've never seen a McDonald's out of business, closed up McDonald's.

They couldn't make the money.

Dude, not even in the Virgin Islands are they lacking business.

Dude, them things, they get a run on that place.

Oh, hell yeah.

Virgin Islands, man.

Okay.

Well, you don't got very many choices anyway, you know.

McDonald's or Wendy's?

Is there McDonald's?

Would you like McDonald's with your Wendy's?

Well, McDonald's is new.

Last time I went to the Virgin Islands, I thought all they had was the Wendy's still at St. Thomas.

all i got is a window i don't know about st thomas man i'm not sure about that but i know

sure there's only the wendy's and and mcdonald's and kentucky fried chicken and there's pizza hot

we have starbucks there nope probably not no wow they didn't a few years ago they could have by

now i'm gonna probably say no because the economy went in the toilet because they closed down the

world's largest uh petroleum refinery there i used to work at that's one of the reasons i left there

because the market got soft before closed but you know what last time i went to st thomas the

starbucks wasn't on the island but there was two starbucks on the cruise ship

yeah there was two on the fucking cruise ship one was 24 hours and i wondered why would someone

want coffee at four in the morning if you're on vacation but you can't even have a burger king

dude i mean you know the original burger king i guess got closed for like health violations and

shit they never opened one up some like a little like like puerto rican kind of like chicken like

you know kind of like you know like do-it-yourself kind of meals place you know it's not bad okay

But Burger King.

I don't know.

Well, whatever.

Yeah.

Oh, and St. Thomas.

You can get rice and beans.

I know that.

I was there for rice and beans.

I ordered the salsa, the hot ranchera salsa.

There's Wendy's and Kmart.

That's all I know of down there.

No Walmart.

Okay.

Oh, no.

No Walmart.

There's two Kmarts and food for less.

Food for less.

Okay.

That's where I want to go.

Hey, anyway, James Lovegrove.

Oh, wait a minute.

I believe they may have closed that down.

No, that's right.

They did.

They moved it over by Diamond Ruby.

James Lovegrove.

Can I take this one?

Sure.

I'm going to be wrapping up soon.

I've got about three or four more.

Hello, James Lovegrove.

Yes.

Yes, my name is David Snodwell.

I'm calling from the Royal Service.

How are you this morning, my good sir?

Well, you've rung me once before and woken me.

We've got illness in this house.

We're all trying to snap some sleep.

Just who the hell are you and why are you ringing me?

Well, my name is David Snodwell.

I'm calling from the Royal Service.

I have an urgent transmission from the House of Commons.

Are you ready for the urgent transmission?

Yes, go on.

Yes, it is now imperative that you display a large bust portrait of the Queen over your bedroom.

Have you done this, sir?

You must be serious, aren't I?

No, this is business.

This is a direct transmission from the Royal Service.

Don't mock me.

We're going to escalate this.

To the Queen.

Sir, are you there?

They have illness in the house.

He's gone.

Don't be tripping, nigger.

He actually got a chuckle, though.

It's always a good thing when they got a chuckle.

Right, Zola?

Yeah.

I even chuckled at that moment.

Hey, stop hitting the buttons.

Hello?

Is that James?

Yes, hello.

How are you?

Is that James?

It is, it is, Steve.

James, listen, I'm calling from the Royal Service,

and we have an imperative message being delivered to you.

Yes?

Yes, the Queen will be coming down to the area soon.

We need you to clean up outside, wash your car.

If you have one, clean up all the trash from outside, vacuum inside the house.

The queen might want to come inside and do an inspection with a white glove.

Huh.

And she'll be off.

When will that be happening?

Probably, let's see, about 8 o'clock in the morning.

She'll be coming down the area and picking a house at random, and it might be yours.

And she'll do a white glove check, and if she finds anything out of order, she'll have your head.

I'm not saying they don't know.

You don't think that will be necessary at this house, do you?

She'll have your head.

It's usually immaculate.

she'll say off with your head like that and they'll come take you away prince harry will

come take you away he'll grab you by the scruff of your neck and pinch your elbow like you know

grab you from the back of the elbow and push you in a car he'll put his hand on top of your head

while he pushes you inside the car so you don't hit it you know and then prince harry's gonna be

driving he's gonna say you fucked up now i really well you did mr valente i'm gonna drive this car

Over to the Thames River, he's going to say to you.

Oh, great.

And he does that.

He's going to go over the London Bridge and drive off of it while he's driving the car with you, and you're tied up.

And he'll just kick out the windshield and swim up, because he's fucking awesome.

He's Prince Harry.

He's a badass, man.

Great.

I'm going to put my manager, Baz, on the line, because I've got a lot of shit I've got to do.

Hello, sir.

My name is David Snozwell, codename Baz.

We have a few other directives that you must comply with before the Queen's visit.

we respectfully request that you hide any pornography that might be lying around.

So if you have any pornographic magazines or videos, the Queen is quite offended by that,

so we ask that you stash them in a nightstand.

And if you've been masturbating a lot,

we please request that you wash any semen-encrusted furniture or bedsheets,

because the Queen will be inspecting the bedroom.

Thank goodness, me.

Yes, and actually my associate, Mr. Zolar, has some other directives.

Mr. Zolar, have you worked out anything?

No, David, you can't see me, can you?

You're a fucking crap.

Get off my bloody line.

Oh, sir, you're a wanker.

He thinks we're David.

That's the other guy.

The other guy is still on.

He just thinks we're David.

Hey, old man.

Can you believe that asshole?

He can't even say the whole time.

They're both still on.

Yeah, they're both still on.

Hey, guys.

All of them are that.

Yeah, a bunch of asshole, bastard, old men.

Hey, can we come over and visit?

T and Trump, it's Mike.

Give me some of that shit.

I've got a nice video that you might want to watch.

It's called Big Black Pussy Pumpers.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Oh, god damn.

Take it.

Oh, shit.

I got these magazines, too, man.

And we take ecstasy.

We start rolling back here and looking at porno magazines.

magazines and uh zolar is going to bring some bath salts we're all going to snort bath salts

get your girlfriend miss zolar to come on

see that's that's audio of zolar last time we did bath salts yeah we have a we have a

porno star and we put it a movie that we made ourselves his name is zolar he's awesome

Can I pull down?

Can I pull down? Are you watching me?

Fuck yeah.

He's like one of the best porn stars ever.

He's up and coming, guys.

They're just sitting there listening.

We'll call one more while we keep them on the line.

Hands off your wankers.

Hey, you UK wankers, feel free to join in.

Yeah, jump in anytime.

This is James Haythorn Thwaith.

Haythorn Thwaith.

He's the leader of the pensioner wankers.

And Nunu reminding us to do something about a BT internet porn filter.

Well, let's do it.

You said it's no more of the Royal Service.

One of them finally hung up.

Never mind the B-locks.

Right, I think I misheard that.

Hello?

Yes, hello.

James?

Is James there?

I'm calling from BT.

Listen, I don't know who you're calling, but, I mean, he's called before, and this is ridiculous.

There's nobody called Gene.

You've got the wrong number, and he's waking me up twice now.

Get out of yourself, woman, you batty.

I would slap you if I was there to get you to control yourself.

Don't hang up.

Hey.

This is urgent.

He's still back there.

Hello?

Hey, listen.

Yes, stay here, lady.

Don't get batty on us.

We're about to give you a bunch of information that are very useful to you, you dumb twat.

Don't you speak to me like that.

Don't you speak to me like that, Zolar.

Shame on you.

Okay, I'm disconnecting on both of those guys.

And Zolar, you got a website to plug, Zolar?

Yeah, no.

No.

All right, no.

Fine.

fine we'll catch zolar on uh facebook zen glolar what is it zolar glenn on facebook yeah yeah you

know check out my youtube it's uh zolar vision pranks that's what i like if you would check out

my youtube and leave a comment on the video you watch i'd love to i'd love to read comments there

you go take it easy man i hung up on him an accident

so that's a good clip man he sounded like he was having a good night all right well hey matt thanks

for uh joining us it's good having you i'm glad i kept you on instead of dropping you

and uh hey welcome home there you go matt all right man we can take that we could untie that

yellow ribbon from the oak tree and baz and ken you're out of here out of your ass

You should know the stupid bantudes, too, that you posted that article about.

Oh, yeah.

I forgot to talk about that.

You fucking faggot.

You didn't let me plug my shit.

Go plug your shit.

Hurry up.

Okay.

YouTube is 666-HILL-0CK666.

And follow me on Twitter at Donazi with a zero for the.

Zero Nazi.

hello nazi it's the worst thing in the world right yeah cool you got yeah i like your youtube

is good you got a prank on there or two that's really really good yeah i've got the ones that uh

get brad doesn't want on his site yeah the ones that yeah the really crude ones and racist ones

that brad yeah you're like his uh side broker okay cool yeah all right love you guys thanks

Thanks for having me on.

It was super fun.

It was good talking to you, Matt.

Yeah.

Talk soon, guys.

We're pulling for you, dude.

Oh, thanks.

Hey, take care, man.

Great to hear you, Matt.

I'm pulling it, too.

All right, anyway, Baz and Ken.

Ken was saying something.

What was it, Ken?

About that asshole company that doesn't like the stupid Americans.

Yeah, Milkman.

There was a memo that got leaked out.

Some Indian firm that operates in the United States,

90% of their employees are South Asians, and they're contractors, you know,

IT contractors, and they were purposefully discriminating against white people

and Americans, and they had emails going around saying, like, stupid Americans.

Like, this is some stupid American and shit like that.

Yeah, they got busted.

So I put it on Facebook.

Oh, wow.

I mean, they're closed now.

That'd be a good daytime thing.

We should contact them.

Yeah, I'm going to see if I can find a few numbers and call them during a daytime show, maybe next week.

Okay?

All right.

All right, well, thanks for reminding me, Ken.

Take it easy.

I'm sure you'll be on during the weekend, Friday or something.

Oh, yeah, I'll be on tomorrow.

All right, guys, make sure to tune in.

Hey, Carlitos, something I was going to ask you.

What's up?

Yeah, so I got that SAM encoder software.

Yes.

So is it cool if maybe I do a show at some point?

Sure.

Just maybe one or two.

Why not?

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, I think Big Ken said he would join me.

There you go.

So maybe I'll talk to you privately about how to set things up.

Okay, cool.

There you go.

Yeah, we'll go over the details, and you can pick a time slot.

It would probably be infrequent, kind of like what Sloth does,

just jumping on here and there.

Okay, sounds good.

Yeah, sounds good, man.

That's another option for us.

Appreciate it.

All right, talk to you guys later.

All right, bye.

That's Baz.

Milkman, you ready to take us out of here?

It was a good show.

I almost gave up on it.

I'm glad I didn't give up on the show.

Yeah, man.

man. Yeah, I was thinking about it.

Yeah, a bunch of cool people showed up, man.

I can believe it's all our man. That was so cool, man.

It was cool. He had fun, it seems.

Hell yeah. Yeah, he hung on for a while,

man, because, like, you know, I think if it gets dead,

he uses boogies, if I remember right.

So, yeah, he had a good time. I'm glad he showed

up, man. It's great to hear him again.

Yes, yes. So,

take us out of here, Milkman.

Alright, man. There you go, kiddies.

There you go. Another wonderful

installment of everybody's favorite show

right here on the internet.

And I want to thank our special friend there, the Numbers Hitman.

Oh, I'm having the office held high from the Numbers Hitman.

That's right.

I want to thank everybody for stopping in.

And we have a bunch of cool guests coming tonight.

Thank you, Mr. Zolard.

Amazing motherfucking Zolard.

That's right.

Don't forget to check him out on his YouTube channel.

And Matt, glad to hear you're doing well and glad to see you again.

And let's see, Ken and Baz and a bunch of people stopped by.

I thank you guys so much for the numbers and all the help.

Everybody over in the mouth, thank you so much.

And everybody listening, we want to thank you, especially you,

because we do this every week.

The most interactive show you can find anywhere here on the Internet,

live right here in your ear balls every Thursday night.

We drop the dime.

We just ask that you give us your time, bring a friend or bury it, bring an enemy,

because they're always welcome right here in the madhouse.

Our furthest leader, the General Lee Zemo.

What would we do without you, my brother?

Saving lives one call at a time.

thank you that's a beautiful way of putting it milkman i appreciate it well thanks everyone

for tuning in like milkman said including lonesome he already thanked but i'd like to

extend thanks also everyone who contributed sending in numbers even uk godfather you did

okay man i guess maybe we'll have you we'll try you out again next week maybe we'll give you a

shot big boy um yeah milkman i think you covered all our bases other than reminding everyone to

I tune in all weekend.

There's always a show here Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night for the most part.

There's usually a good chance you'll catch something.

So when you get home from work, when you're taking it easy over the weekend and the evening,

tune in, listen to some live prank call shows.

That includes all our staff, you know, Brad, Dirty Aaron, MPSA Cobra, Ken, Baz, Sloth,

Jaiad, Ice Goose, plenty of people out here entertaining.

I don't think I'm forgetting anybody, but okay.

You've got quite a cadre of characters.

going yeah we're doing pretty good we're having fun here at least on the weekends it's a fun time

on the weekends here it makes it go go by pretty fast that's not a good it makes it makes a weekend

entertaining at night you know what i mean we're not going out if you have no life like we all do

stick around and drink when at home then you know you got something to laugh with

all right milkman we're out of here see you later man bye i love you sir

god damn it yeah you want me to put on the truck set but guy with a truck uh if you're still

I'm still interested. My phone got shut off. I ain't got the funds right now.

So, I was about to tell you, you want to come by and see it, it's here.

The Pine Street, which is in between Mike's Pizza and Legends Bar.

And just before that, there's a car wash. Thank you.

Yeah, this is Jay. I'm calling about that truck.

You guys call me. I don't know if you're still interested.

My phone, I had trouble with my phone. It's working.

Can you give me a call and let me know if you're really interested?

Calls (44, 1 h 31 min of 2 h 48 min)

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