That’s Disgusting People

Bhenchod? Bhenchod?

You are the Bhenchod number one from India.

Yeah.

I am the monotune.

Sin, try and true.

98.6

No.

What do you say there, Flapjacks?

Good evening.

I'm Carlito.

I am he.

Here for prank calls for August the 15th.

August the 15th.

Wow, man.

August is halfway done.

Yeah, buddy.

I'm going to be taking your requests tonight and doing prank calls as well as talking about things here and there.

That's how it usually goes here at Madhouse Radio.

Milkman will be joining me shortly.

He's currently inside the Home Depot looking for light bulbs.

Now, unbeknownst to him, I have the number of the Home Depot where he's at because he checked in on there on Foursquare.

So I'm going to be giving that a call here in just a moment.

I give him a harassment in just a minute here.

he's buying light bulbs he said all the light bulbs went out in his house how do all your light

bulbs go out at the same time unless you got like a lightning storm right whatever it's always an

adventure in milkman's life that's the life i want to live as milkman's because he's just always

got some weird shit going on okay well we do have request a prank that you can use over at the

website madhouse live.com use it it's a free form it's anonymous if you'd like it's as anonymous as

you want it to be man you can send in your requests there uh we have quite a few requests

that came in including from a new person who's been hanging out lately on the madhouse site

and chat room mr fart shit ass come he sent in a number so did saffy who sounds like a woman to me

because when i hear saffy i think saffo which is that greek lesbian thing culture you know i should

a call a greek restaurant ask them about saffo and the island of lesbos flutter pie also sent

in a number uh earlier in the week you can send these all week if you want uh you know you think

of something or if you're going around town and you see something you can send a request i should

really set up an easy request uh email address that you can hit up but anyway the chat room is

there also be sure to check that out it's always fun we got a lot of people in the chat tonight

joining us it's good to see you all there that's also madhouse live.com to subscribe to the madhouse

prankcast feed that's all i ask tell a friend okay thanks uh youtube would also be great it'd be

great to get some more subscribers on there on the youtube channel madhouse radio is the youtube

channel name there's links for that at our website madhouse live.com all right anyway we also have

plenty of numbers from across the web people selling different things such as a dog kennel

for offer they can send pigs if we need and we just need to make an offer and someone's looking

for yards to mow for the remainder of the uh uh for the remainder of the year anyway we got plenty

of uh stuff to go with here and i'm sure our good friend our good pal lonesome loser will be done

done romancing his girlfriend and will join us here making romance they had a big date tonight

celebrating six months together and they decided to go to bucca di beppo and i also have that phone

number remember mr lonesome losers at in pennsylvania at bucca di beppo having an italian

dinner with his six-month anniversary girlfriend we can call over there and mess a lonesome loser

too you know that'd be funny i got his information off the four square we can call there and say hey

yeah hey that guy he's dangerous man let's do it and do the same thing to milkman about the home

depot right let's have man he told me he was going there to shoplift he says he's stuff stuff in his

ass i'm really tempted hey and also i'm looking to try to fix the chat problem it's filling up i

know sorry guys we have that chat room and it's been maxing out every night that we've had a show

I'm in some kind of tussle with a technical issue plus a billing issue at the same time with the IRC hosting provider.

But I'm assured that it's supposed to be fixed tomorrow.

That I'll be able to log in tomorrow after business hours start.

And I'll be able to finally select the option to upgrade our IRC package to double the amount of slots in there.

And that should take care of our problem.

I've been trying for two weeks now.

I know.

It's a bitch.

bitch deal help me out what you can do to help me out is you know we might just have to tonight if

it becomes an issue if anyone like right now i see dialer you're logged in with two names in there i

don't know if one is a fake dialer dialer is using up two fucking slots dialer man come on man you

know what i mean we all like to observe and stuff so what i'm doing to try to help out is i'm trying

to incorporate the chat room into the video feed a little more so if you're listening if you want

at least have a glimpse and see what's going on in the chat if you're watching the video feed that

flashes every two minutes or so for a little bit you can see what the conversation is in there

so it'll let you know if you're on chat when you're watching the video feed say a big what's

up when you're on video everyone's gonna see it so exciting there's more people watch and listen

live than are in the chat i need to do a prank call and stop bullshitting unless let me try to

to call milkman he said he couldn't take the phone with him into the store because his battery

was gonna die jesus i understand him charger b he knows it's thursday have that phone charged man

show night he's not gonna asshole guy he doesn't answer skype because he thinks it's a collector

call i gotta call him first every time from the cell phone so he knows it's hermano and i'll tell

him watch that's how this life he lives man it's not the same without milkman getting to the

request a prank we're gonna do this one that this fart shit ass come here he said make it a big deal

that he sent a request a prank so here we are i hope this is good you're kind of untested here

and you're kind of weird like a name like that's just weird man i'm just guessing you're like 13

years old or something what's your story guy that goes as far as shit ass come in the chat room

what is your problem uh in tennessee we got a gentleman we got dylan a friend of his now we

we know you live in tennessee stupid who was recently harassed by his neighbors for not

chipping in five bucks for a new neighborhood sign they're asian and he doesn't care for asians

okay so who's asian all right so dylan doesn't care for asian but the people calling are asian

okay all right yeah i can dig that good sir give me just a moment please i have to activate my

little click the skype call thing in my browser makes things much much easier for the show i

i learned but it's a kind of a temperamental fucking thing also it doesn't run nice and clean

like it uh sometimes it'll just start crashing the page every page you try to every time you

try to load a page it becomes unresponsive and you have to wait until it till chrome gives you

the option to cancel it so we'll see how well it works if i can find it in this list i can activate

where are you scott click to call isn't that what it's called all my shit isn't synced up so never

Never mind.

Ha, never mind.

Just have to do it the old-fashioned way, then.

Fine.

All right, here's Dylan, who hates Asians and didn't want to give five bucks for a neighborhood sign.

It'd be nice to know what the name of the neighborhood is.

I'm probably going to fail because he's going to ask me, what's the name of the neighborhood?

And I'm going to be like, ah, ah, ah.

Fart shit has come.

You got to think about that stuff now.

That's what I predict is going to happen here.

He's going to say, what neighborhood you come from, then?

I'm going to go, I don't know.

You know, the one, our neighborhood.

who is like yeah uh he's gonna hang up that's my prediction hey dylan why you not give the five

dollars man why didn't you give the five dollars jenny jenny jenny was telling me that you didn't

give her parents five dollars for the neighborhood sign that we're trying to get put up to try to

clean this place up no idea what you're talking about you know those asian people that live that

live here you know those asian asian people not really they're talking about putting up the sign

and you were supposed to chip in $5

for a new neighborhood sign

and they're stupid.

$5, why can't they go do it?

I know, right?

For real, yeah.

Yeah, well, who the fuck are they?

So they want to put up this fucking sign here.

You know what, I pushed him

and I poked him in the chest

and I told him I was going to slap his wife

in front of him and everything like that.

He said, yeah, you go ahead, you go ahead, he said.

And he, like, puffed out his chest, bro.

He came at me, he puffed out his chest,

it was bumping into my chest, you know?

Dude, I swear, did, like, my friend give you, are you giving my number out?

No, yeah, well, he gave, huh?

Did you give him my number out?

Yeah.

Hey, how do you have my number?

No, the Asian people told me about it.

How do Asian people have my number?

Well, they have it in the, I guess they have a directory of all the people that live in here.

They paid for it online.

They're trying to start some kind of neighborhood communities, watch and stuff.

that guy that asian guy he's got a bunch of guns he's got a whole collection of antique guns and

new shit he's and he got really into the george zimmerman trial man he used to talk to me about

it all the time no see every he used to talk to me all the time no i'm serious they could

fuck the asian guy that wanted to fight but who are you there like who the fuck are you i'm just

i know them you know kind of through their daughter and you know it's funny how many

do people call my phone just like just trying to call me i don't know i don't know this is the

first time i try to call you i don't know man you're probably phone calling me dude all right

i am i'm sorry sir dude it's cool i'm sorry i have a but i mean like i have like tons of money

i don't need that like i didn't want to give him five dollars because he asked for me for five

dollars he go fuck himself yeah that's right seriously well who the fuck is he so he came

Like, I don't give no, I don't give two shits about no sign in the fucking, this neighborhood.

I don't give two shits about this neighborhood.

Fuck a sign, man.

Fuck a sign.

I don't even live in this neighborhood anymore.

Why'd you leave the neighborhood?

Because, dude, I'm a boss.

I got a real job.

I make real money.

Good.

I make college money without college.

You make college money without college.

Hey, you guys, hey, put this on YouTube.

Put this on YouTube.

All right.

Keep talking.

Well, this is on YouTube, yeah.

It's going on YouTube because I think you're hilarious.

Yeah, it's on YouTube.

Hey, follow me on Instagram, dude.

I have 4,000 followers.

I don't really get it.

Just go to madhouselive.com.

You'll see where it came from, all right, buddy?

No, this guy is fine.

I'm fucked up.

Why not talk to him?

Hey, did you hear me?

Because I got to go, but I'm going to give you the website.

You ready?

All right, give me the website, for real.

Madhouselive.com.

Just go there and follow.

All right, dude.

And then go to chat, man.

The chat room is full.

We have some fucking problem with the faggot chat room.

But from there, at least you can kind of figure it out.

I don't have time to explain it.

i gotta i gotta go but hey man good all right i gotta go see you later buddy all right bye guy

cool he might be calling us that'd be exciting i'm like dry mouth fucking dry mouth man and i

thought i had water um in my cup here i always keep one of these cups but actually i forgot i

dumped the water and filled it with my red bull i wanted to drink it faster um so i dumped it in

this mcdonald's cup that was empty that i washed out um so i'm gonna go fill it with some water

and ice because i'm thirsty man i don't know i think my sugar's been high lately and i didn't

eat today man i haven't had dinner i don't know what's up i'm dying guys i'm gonna play a nice

prank call here though real quick sorry to have to do one so early but um i started roughly on

time for a madhouse show to be honest with you but not so uh uh not not so prepared i guess

I guess everyone was expecting me to start late, so Milkman's not ready.

Lonesome Loser's in here, and I'm not organized.

I perhaps jumped the gun.

Milkman, hey, what's the matter?

You said 15 minutes, and it's been 40, 43 minutes now.

It's been 40.

That's only 30.

That's 30 minutes, and then you still tend to.

What happened?

It's the middle of the month.

It's as far away from the first of the month as you can get.

Nice try, Milkman.

Okay.

I don't know.

I don't know what to say.

Are you done?

Can you Skype now, or what's going on?

Can we move on now?

All right.

Shut up.

I'm going to call your cell phone from Skype.

Answer it, please.

Waiting on Milkman.

Hey, Milkman.

Hey, buddy.

Hey, man.

Okay, good.

Thanks for finally showing up.

Excellent, sir.

Here's a phone number for someone who lost their keys.

They posted on Craigslist.

They lost the keys, buddy.

No, no, no.

There's some women that have detachable penises that they use when they have coitus, you know, with their woman, female partners.

Is that like Gatolito?

Yeah.

Yeah, man.

There you go.

That's a whole thing, and that's cool.

You're working on those, man.

No, you don't feel nothing, man.

Man, no way, man.

All right, moving right along here.

Back to that number as it was sent to us is for someone reporting help lost car keys.

I've lost my keys to my car.

There'll be a Chrysler key and alarm remote on it with more miscellaneous keys.

A Superman key chain and other things on it found.

Please contact.

And we got the number.

okay here we go milkman man very very good yes yep boom boom boom boom new new report again

chat room is full please kick people out it is full you have reached the boys mailbox of i don't

know if i can do that new new should we do that milkman new new it's first come first serve you

wait your turn now you can chat on facebook you have reached the boys mailbox send us your

your Facebook account with your real name

and your real picture, and you can chat with us on

there, man. There you go.

There you go. Do that. Yeah, come on,

Skype it in. Yeah, better, yeah, yeah.

Call us on Skype. Noonoo, we know you

have Skype. Call us on Skype. Do a

video conference. Let's have a look at you. We'll put

you on the big board. We'll put you on

the YouTube video also, you know?

Everyone see Noonoo, finally. Wow,

my God. My God, Milkman, right?

Oh, my God. Can you imagine that

emotional episode? Yeah, the computer

went very, very wrong. Yeah.

An emotional episode, you know, that can start our whole March to November 12th.

Big day in November 12th, Milkman, right?

I'm excited about November 12th.

I am looking forward, brother, man.

I tell you what, man.

Yeah, we're going to have some wings and beer.

We're going to hang out, and we're going to end the show on a high note.

We're going to go out like Seinfeld, man, on top.

Highest ratings.

Just get them four on four, Orlando.

Oh, yeah, and I get wings.

I get them garlic, and they got one here, man.

Listen, asshole, they got one called Coal Cracker, which is garlic mixed with hot, mixed with ranch.

And that's the dip, that's the sauce they put on the wings.

I get them twice done, twice baked, you know what I mean?

And all drums, all drums, man.

And then you get that sauce extra wet on that motherfucker.

Oh, shit, you're telling me.

Yeah.

I'm going to take you over.

Somehow they dry right there.

Yeah, and when you come here for that, for November 12th,

I'm going to take you to this place called Kentucky Fried Chicken,

and they do these awesome wings, man.

It's like this Kentucky.

It's like old southern Kentucky-style chicken, man.

And they got it all.

They got all.

They got the biscuits.

They got all this stuff.

They even got grilled chicken that they do, man.

man. It tastes, yeah, it's

the highest, best chicken they

can get. They use Purdue chickens,

man. Purdue chickens.

Oh, yeah, man. Take that over there.

I'll call them, man. You can't get it wrong, bro.

Alright, let's try to get the keys again. Let's stop

bullshitting about chicken.

And the November 12th final show.

It's awesome. Yeah, we're

ready to release. We already talked about it in the last episode.

I'm so excited. It's going to be great

to finally take a break.

Nice break to the show. Nice

break. You have reached a

boys mailbox uh i'm gonna enjoy thursday nights having a beer at home you know with my wife if

i'm still with her god willing is she still alive you know that she survives yeah there you go

we're gonna run around all over we're gonna run around all over town hey here's uh big steve who

i talked about earlier who is looking for some yards to mow he needs about five or seven yards

to feed his family he's got a baby coming and the baby's in the belly and is gonna come out

on november 12th milkman that's the due date yeah big day man hey i see that you're looking

for some yards to mow you need to mow some yards uh is that hang on just a minute yeah thanks honey

baby hang on just a minute all right honey hey flapjack how you doing there buddy doing good

all right hoss listen i got uh i got a yard here that i need taking care of this house foreclosed

on it belongs to a basketball professional nba player and he got a place out here on a large

ranch and we'll pay you whatever it is for five to seven yards i think it's about 30 acres about

30 acres of grass you come out here you cut the grass you know how to cut it diagonal wise where

where you go down one way and up the other, and it looks like it's striped.

What's that called?

What do you call that?

Just like a stripe machine?

Striping, yeah.

I want horizontal stripes.

Yeah, horizontal stripes for this gentleman.

Now, you can't tell people who it is, but he got a nice house for his.

He brings a lot of women.

He's a married man, but he comes out to play golf,

and then he gets with these women

like from the strip clubs and he flies

them out here and they get with

him and they have sex

inside the house and everything and

he has like porno stars and

golf players and stuff

like that and football players all the time.

So the place needs to look good and you

can get some action too. You want to hang out

you know and get some coke, you know, lose some coke

and some beers, you know, whatever

you want. Ah, well

you got a fax there.

Sarah, this isn't a clean line, you know?

No, I don't have a flat sheet.

Is this a clean line?

Yeah, this one.

Is this a landline, a secure landline, or are we on a VPN, or what's going on?

It's got to be a secret, you know?

Well, come on, this is good money, and it's just one?

And you know you get to party?

You get to party with all the basketball girls and stuff?

Hello?

He's gone.

Milkman, are you there, buddy?

Big fat guy.

Big guy.

I think we have a problem.

I want to announce we're now putting out a call.

I'm going to write this down that you are refusing to do it because it is a black person.

It's a black person's house, and you don't want to do it.

I'm putting down.

Okay.

He's heard of everybody.

He's a racist man.

That's right.

It's a WNBA star.

It's been that only number.

Harlem Globetrotter.

uh we've got let my look up a name of a popular one it's curly real ugly it's curly neil the

harlem globetrotter everyone remember the 80s curly neil all over the place curly neil

crazy metal lock lemon man fuck those globetrotters they cheat like they'll be out

there with a fucking ladder playing basketball you can't how you gonna play with a ladder man

man. They do some bullshit.

They travel.

That is the style, man. The Globetrotters style, man.

They travel.

You know what?

I bet you in 30 years,

the NBA, every game will be like a

Harlem Globetrotters game. It'll

degenerate to that point. That'd be awesome.

It'll be like wrestling with

a basketball on hard court.

Professional wrestling.

When did their season start?

What? The NBA in

October, I believe.

WNBA, WNBA.

A WNBA.

Yeah, we got to push our other friends, our lesbian associates.

The Who NBA.

They're in the summer.

I don't know.

Pay attention to that shit.

I don't know.

I don't know this shit.

That's what I'm asking you for.

There was a – when I lived in Orlando, when the WNBA first started,

they had a team in Orlando, the Orlando Miracle,

and I never followed that shit.

It folded, like, in four years, or not even.

I think it only lasted three.

Yeah, no one went to those games.

Like, they couldn't, they only sold, yeah, they used to cover, like, the arena.

They would put down this black tarp to cover up the, they would put this black tarp to

cover up the lower bowl, the upper bowl, rather, so it didn't look so bad.

What are you babbling about?

What are you babbling about, Milkman1?

Come on, man.

I don't know.

I don't know, man.

Take it easy, okay?

I have a, someone has a dog kennel for offer.

can send pics if needed we already talked about this before this is big scott big scott with a

dog kennel yeah you can put that dog so talking about that he can he can put his dog kennel right

up his ass milkman right you think so i think you should put it right up his ass oh yeah i'm

telling that he goes yeah still not going through i'm waiting here for it to go it's not going

still not going hang on what's going on with skype you love to talk shit about skype all the time

milkman but you're always on it man it never it never ever it is you're always on it milkman

you're always on it you don't know you don't mind being on it normally when i'm on skype if you

notice most of them are muted okay all right we're whatever um i guess we're not going to do

that number because it's not going let me ask if my little microphone picture show up you know

If I unmute it or something, or you don't know that, you can't see that.

Does your microphone picture show up?

I have no...

No, I don't think so.

Oh, it doesn't.

I'm muted.

I'm the only one that sees that it's muted.

I guess.

I think so.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Here's...

We got a...

Well, someone said we should save for the morning show or Thursday night.

Okay, well, it's Thursday night.

If I have time to call, it's in Ohio.

They close at 10 p.m. Thursday, so we should still be okay.

The guy is...

This is Saffy's ex who works at a Target in the electronics section in CAPS.

I broke up with him a while back.

Blah, blah, blah.

He gets irritated and frustrated easily, so it would be awesome if you could just pester him with stupid questions about some merchandise.

Okay, Saffy.

No, I don't think we could do that.

We couldn't handle it.

Saffy just asked that we don't get him fired.

No problem.

So I'm guessing Saffy is a girl or a homosexual, and that's fine.

Whatever, man.

My

money is Safi is a woman.

Everybody wants to love somebody sometimes.

True.

Thank you for calling the Medina Target store.

I'm sorry.

The store is now closed.

Well, Milkman, they're closed.

They don't close at 10 o'clock.

They close earlier than that.

Stop.

I get really bad, like, chest infections.

It turns my asthma off.

I had to take a hot call.

Hey, Milkman.

Yeah, yeah, I'm back.

I'm back.

You're back.

he's milkman's just having a conversation right in the middle you hear him he's just talking to

some guy about what his asthma let's listen to milkman's business now he put us on mute great

yeah he found out okay someone is asking alabama hey man i just wanted to thank you so much for

what you do to some people prank call radio might just sound silly or stupid but man you have

provided me with hours upon hours of entertainment thank you flutter pie most appreciated very nice

thank you for appreciating me i appreciate your appreciation and we all do milkman does too

even though he just starts talking to his co-workers really loud i thought he was going

home asshole uh here's a company called field nation and we're requested to just harass they

will die of heart attack smiley face okay i have no idea what field nation is that would have helped

that also their big guy but we'll go for it it's a toll-free number so i'm guessing it's some kind

sports organization just a guess here we go thank you for calling if you know your party's extension

you may dial it at any time for support please press one for sales press two and to access our

dial by name directly please thank you for calling support please hold for the next available agent

and quality assurance purposes this call may be recorded thank you there's a big problem with

with there's a big problem with it i don't like it i don't like it one bit is bad this is bad

it's a bad product it's a bad idea it's disgusting and it's sick and you work for sick people sick

disgusting people who do bad sick disgusting things as a company and they mess things up

really bad and i look embarrassed when i'm trying to pay for lunch with some clients and my card is

decline you know how that feels you know how much i feel like an asshole you know what an

asshole is he's just quiet i'm spewing venom at him and he's just being quiet thank you for

calling if you know your party's extension you may dial it at any time for support please press

one thank you for calling support please hold for the next available agent and quality assurance

purposes this call may be recorded jim speaking nothing to help you hey boy was i just talking

to you uh yes and what how far did you get because i was trying to talk and you weren't responding

and that was rude i responded but you know what what did you hear me say what do you did you take

notes did you put notes in the computer i didn't take any notes so you don't open notepad and take

notes what the customer is saying when he calls in the client definitely yes so what did you write

down for me what did you notate for your call uh this position from you i didn't take anything

you don't you didn't take anything at all so where's the accountability then

well uh you have to let me know what's this about if there's a work on writing related

yeah anything at all it's a bad thing a bad thing this whole shit thing messed me up man

and messed up my business i look like an asshole in front of a lot of people and everything

you know i look like they call me and they said hey asshole they said that guy said that to me

we're at a sushi restaurant and he said asshole asshole that's what he said that i was a-s-s-hole

he said you know how embarrassed i was no i don't that sounds pretty bad we were we were having

hibachi lunch you were pow wowing and he turned to me he said what do you use and he said i use

international machines he said international business machines and i said i use finney and

And they all started laughing at me like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, like that.

They started laughing at me.

And the one guy said, if you use live, if you use and he said you're and he said a whole like that.

But he said the real thing.

He said the whole thing.

He said, you're a stupid like that a whole.

And they all sort of go.

They all sort of laughing.

And he said that it was bad, that they did bad things, that they made bad choices in the business and the outdated stuff.

off like he made me feel like a real asshole you know i was embarrassed and then my card that i

was supposed to pay for lunch and my card declined and i told the japanese lady i said run it through

again there's a problem she said we ran it through five times already you tried to run it through

five times and it got declined you know how i look then not good are you ready yes and that

That was your fault.

It was your fault that I couldn't...

I was embarrassed.

I'm sorry.

I'm emotional.

Can you give me your user ID or something?

They made me clean dishes and everything.

Okay.

They made me...

Do you have a user ID?

Yes.

It's...

Can you give it to me?

Yeah, I'm going to spell it for you, okay?

It's A-D-M-I-N-I-S-T-R-A-T-O-R.

And then the password, yeah, that's what I use.

And then the password that I'm using is lucky1, and it's all lowercase.

L-U-C-K-Y 1.

Lucky 1, all small letters, all together.

And then the number 1, not spelled out.

It's, you know, L-U-C-K-Y and then the number 1.

Because they said that you have to have at least one number, you know?

uh so that's what's your first name and last name uh cross my i'm cross my name is cross

what's the first name cross cross i am cross how do you spell that c-r-o-s-s cross oh cross

okay and last name no that's all you need is cross that's it just cross uh is that your last

name first name no everyone calls me cross you know i should come just look in the computer there

you know look up cross i'm sure i'm there that's what everyone calls me is cross i don't know

that's when everyone here knows me is cross everyone calls me cross mr cross sometimes

to call me big c do you okay i don't see you with us man well i can give you the username again did

you write it down right that's how they said they'll use this whenever i say to the computer

that i have to use that i have it right here in a sticky note on the monitor you know all right

or unless you're registered with ARFIDs,

if it's not related to the field nation.

I told you, man.

We were having lunch, and I was supposed to pay for it,

and they started laughing at me when I said

I had a set of international business machines.

They said that that was the best one,

that field nation was a shit, he said.

He said it's an SHIT shit.

He said like that and everything.

It was really rude, and that made me feel like an asshole, you know?

And then my card declined on top of that because of you guys.

and i'm really i don't i can't even explain that how's that happen all right sure how does that

happen why is it that my why is it that my debit card declined because you guys made that mistake

why did that happen your debit card i don't know yeah i tried to pay and the debit card didn't go

through and they they all said it's probably because of they said they started laughing

and started going oh like that they said because you have phil nation they said your debit card

hard then to go through so what did you guys do and i didn't get i'm gonna ask you one more time

do you have your user id with you can you give me your first name and last name yeah this is cross

and then the the user that i use to on the computer when i get here is uh a d m i n i

s t r a t o r and that's all small letters and maybe you got all together you know like one word

And then, like, the password.

Maybe you write the password down, Ron.

Do you want to try the password again?

Do you want to read it back to me?

All right.

Did you want to read the password?

It doesn't help.

Just read the password back to me just to make sure.

No, I couldn't locate you.

No, no, read it back.

I want to make sure.

No, I cannot make sure.

Sorry, I cannot help you.

Oh, well, what am I going to do?

You know, I got to pay.

They made me wash dishes and everything there at the restaurant because of you guys.

Because I couldn't pay for the bill.

They just left.

they up and left they said you today so you're gonna pay asshole they said and they all laughed

again they said oh they said call field nation sir um don't i have to hang up the phone because

this is so unrelated they said that oh you know call field nation about it and then i hope you

have a good night he said thank you very much for calling thank you thanks buddy thanks for

ruining my life long yes funny i don't know hey milkman how are you buddy thanks for calling

what were you just talking your business with your co-workers we don't want to hear that sir

jose bravo wants to call you later

Safi is a chick.

That's all I did.

I just did, because I didn't even think I did it.

Safi is a chick, apparently, Milkman.

And it's this person who's talking to me on Facebook.

Isn't that exciting?

So now we know.

Yeah, Safi is a woman.

There you go.

Like a newly fashioned woman?

Or like a born woman?

No, a born woman.

She has all the parts, all the correct ones.

Oh, okay.

Okay, well, it's God-given then.

Why was it God-given in that account?

Indeed.

Hey, you know what I'm thinking?

Maybe Lonesome can't get in because the chat room is full.

I'm noticing Lonesome isn't in here.

Maybe that's what's...

Maybe if he'd quit flooding the chat, if he'd quit flooding it,

and let them keep going, then they would be nice.

Come on.

Well, Lonesome is...

Lonesome's fault.

He keeps flooding the place.

Lonesome is not on A-meter.

Lonesome isn't on A-meter, so...

Not a good sign.

I know Nunu is, and he still can't get on.

he's working on it oh lonesome is in the chat never mind i see him there now he's there

no noonie yet uh guys if if uh enigma if you want to if you notice anybody who's been idling

we're just gonna say because we're still having irc problems what we're gonna do is if anybody

has been idling for a long time we're gonna uh give you guys a kick uh enigma do a good

enigma do a good job just just enigma just one person doing it please and go ahead and kick

Kick anyone that hasn't really maybe been in there for a long time

and hasn't said anything for a while

or anyone who looks like they're in there doubled.

Give them a kick so we can give a chance for some other people

to participate just for the show.

Sorry, guys.

It'll be fixed by next week.

If you guys are just watching, it's not a big deal.

Some people really want to participate.

Go ahead and pull the trigger, please.

Thank you, sir.

And again, as I explained at the beginning of the show,

it will be fixed hopefully by tomorrow.

Hopefully in time for our Friday night shows

Tomorrow night

Which I'm excited for because I have the night off of work

So I'm going to be here listening

Live to the guys and that's exciting

Milkman are you working tomorrow night man

What are you going to be doing

Are you going to be working tomorrow night

I work but after that I'll be available

There you go

Well we can listen to Friday night pranks together

Oh that sounds cool

Listen I'm going to cut over to this Skype

But I'm going to have to drop this line

Alright see ya get on Skype

skype all right no plan to go on skype good it'll be extra annoying john is a can of sending in

numbers including john who wants to rent his living room if you've got 350 dollars or 350

bones as ken says all right we got john it's john time john time and it's not working

oh for fuck's sake give me a moment here i gotta keep talking because this is uh let me play a

prank call, because if not, we're going to get in trouble for

playing music with silence

going on. Here's a bit of the Bruno

anthology from back in the Thanksgiving

of 2008 or some

shit like that.

As always, thank you for ruining a good prank call, asshole.

Ah, no, man.

And I'm your fan.

And Reglo.

Hey, where's

Bruno, that fat fucker?

That asshole Bruno, where's he at?

Bruno is not here for the

the moment, sir. Listen, woman, Bruno was supposed to send me a car over here to pick

me up at the airport. I'm at Charles de Gaulle fucking gay airport. They're going to bring

me down and that fuck didn't do it, did he? Where's my car? Tell me right now. But what's

your name, sir? This is Valente. Bruno was supposed to send a car machine down here to

pick me up at the airport, Charles de Gaulle airport. But Bruno, my manager, the front

office manager, Bruno, hello? Whatever, the guy who was talking to me when I called this

It's the same stupid number earlier.

Damn.

A French guy named Bruno.

He's effeminate.

You know what I'm talking about?

A feminine man.

Sounds...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I understand.

Hold on.

What's your name, sir?

Your last name.

Do you have a booking in this hotel?

Yeah, I do.

So what's your name, please?

This is...

My name is V-A-G-I-N-A.

Oh, let me change.

Huh?

Hello?

I'm here.

Don't shout at me.

I'm sorry.

Hey, don't get fresh with me.

I don't need this thing.

What is this about?

You talking to me like that.

I'm a woman.

I'm a man.

And so what?

You are insulting me, sir, and you're shouting at me.

You don't have to talk to me like that, right?

No, wait a minute now.

You don't talk to a man like this.

I'm a man.

Wait, wait, wait.

If you want to help you, just...

You behave.

You just go use your computer and fix this right now, woman.

Let me try to help you, but don't be so rude with me.

No, I just...

Listen, your job is to be pretty and use a computer and fix the problem.

That's it.

That's okay.

Okay, I will be friendly with you, but don't be like that with me, sir.

Well, don't tell me.

You don't get orders here.

Who are you?

You're a woman.

I'm a man.

And so what?

So, you're a woman.

Are you kidding or what?

No, it's a joke.

I mean, oh, la, la.

You're a little fresh and smart with a big mouth on you.

So, you have a booking here in this hotel for tonight, sir, right?

You got my name or what?

No, I don't have your name.

Do you have a reservation number maybe with you?

No.

I got into a fight with my wife.

She had it, and she's out of here on her ass.

V-A-G-I-N-A

I don't have this name on the computer, sir.

What are you looking at? Read it back.

Yeah, but I don't have your name on the computer.

How are you typing it in, dammit?

Read it back to me, stupid.

What are you putting in there?

He's still on there.

I'm looking at it right now.

It took a second.

That was so cool dude

She was still on me

They still got me online

Listen

Why do you hang up on me

What's that about woman

You see why I said

You shouldn't be talking to me

Because a woman doesn't even know

How to use a phone

She hangs up it up in an accident

When she's supposed to be

Using the computer

And then you didn't even hang up the phone

I could still hear you talking

In the background too

You're like

In the background

I never said fucking woman to you

I just said woman

That's it

And it's true

You're a woman right

Let's be honest

You're a woman

I'm a spade a spade

Why are you people laughing at me?

No, sorry, sir.

I just...

What's your name again?

This isn't fair.

Okay, you are which airport now?

What's Charles de Gaulle?

Charles de Gaulle.

Charles de Gaulle, okay.

No, no, no.

I don't know.

De Gaulle.

Bruno was sending a taxi to me.

I'm still waiting for Milkman, but I'm continuing on with prank calls.

Thank you.

No answer there.

Sorry.

All right.

All right, numbers coming in from Lonesome Loser tonight include currently,

I'll stop doing that, Stir-Fi, we've got Chinese places, basically.

Let me not go into the names, but Chinese restaurants in California.

Let's see if we can have some fun with that.

Kind of a bust of a night so far.

I don't know, I was in a good mood, felt like I was in a good mood.

We've been having good shows lately.

Kind of a weak night so far.

It's only been an hour, though.

Stir-Fi, we have you.

Oh, hey, buddy, how are you?

Hello?

Hey, yeah, do you have a secret Asian or Chinese menu there?

What secret Asian?

Well, some of you guys have a menu that is just for, you know, the Chinese.

Yeah, we have that menu.

Hold on, hold on.

Oh, what's on?

What's on?

Tell me.

What's good?

I want the real stuff.

I want real good.

I want real.

Like, what would you eat?

What do you eat?

Okay, you eat the menu, right?

Well, like you, what do you personally, what do you like to eat, man?

man. Oh, but you know, for the personal menu, I have no material here. Okay, but like you don't

eat the food there? You don't, what do you eat for food, man? Do you eat, do you eat fish? A lot

of fish? We do have fish, but we like the, the, soba, soba. You like soba? Soba noodles? Can I

speak to an English? Hello? Hello, hey, honey, how are you? How are you? How are you doing? Uh,

Pretty good.

Okay, did he just put someone on the phone, or do you work there?

Oh, I work here.

Oh, hey, so what does he eat, you know?

What kind of food does he like to have?

The two.

The guy who just answered the phone, you know, the Asian people that work,

they're authentic, you know, they cook the food and own the place.

Are you the daughter?

Yes, I am.

Oh, that's cool.

That's cool.

Okay.

So what do you guys eat at home?

Hold on one second, please.

I'm going to switch phones.

I can't really hear you on this one.

Oh, all right.

All right, honey.

Hey, how you doing there?

What was your question?

All right, so what do you guys eat at home?

Are you Chinese?

Are you Cantonese or Mandarin or what are you?

We're Chinese.

Uh-huh.

And then, like, what do you guys eat at home?

What does mom and dad make at home?

Beef.

Normal stuff.

but how do you make it do you make it like the same way you make it where you're at now because

that's very you can't eat that every day right you don't need that stuff occasionally sometimes

you cook different stuff yeah how do you make what do you eat the beef what do you put on it

you put some soy sauce on it uh did you want to place an order no i just want to know what you

eat and that's what i want to have i want to you know make some of that i want to order some of

that like what would you have on it like what do you have at home what are you going to eat today

Sure, but I can recommend some stuff off the menu for you that's pretty good.

No, but I want, like, what you would eat, you know?

Like, what a real Chinese person would eat.

Not this Americanized stuff.

I want the, do you have, like, a black sauce that's stinky kind of thing, you know?

Oh, no, we don't.

We don't have those materials here.

You don't have this?

We just have what's on the menu.

But at home, you got the stinky stuff, right?

The stinky fish and the, it's stinky beef, you know?

It smells really stinky, you know?

I'm not sure.

I don't think we do.

Oh, come on.

How do you make your beef, man?

Do you ever cook?

What's your problem?

Why is it such a big secret to tell Americans what it is you guys eat at home?

Did you want to place an order?

I can help you with that.

But other than that, I'm not really sure how I should answer your question.

Well, because you're deflecting.

I'm asking you a serious question.

How do you make your beef at home that you have as a family?

And you keep going around and beating around the bush and not answering the question.

Come on, man.

We just cook it like how we cook it here.

Here, just stir-fry it.

That's all.

You just stir-fry it.

That's it.

Just beef?

You don't put any seasoning on it?

Oh, my God.

You're really dense, aren't you?

I'm sorry.

If you're not going to place an order, I can't really help you.

Well, I guess not, because I'm asking you questions.

I'll place a big order if you pay attention and answer me.

I'm sorry.

I'm going to go now.

Bye-bye.

Bye, woman.

Hey, pay some of you and some of you, and then, like, do three...

Hey, can you shut up?

What's going on?

Hello?

What happened?

and why are you so loud talking?

I'm sorry?

Why are you talking so loud?

Oh, I'm talking so loud?

Yeah.

Oh, no.

It's just, let me reduce the,

I think the speaker is volume is high.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, the telephone is, you know.

I don't care.

Yeah, may I help you?

Yeah, hey.

No, you can't help me.

I don't care.

No, I don't want to talk to you.

So who you want to talk to?

Not you because it's too loud.

I don't want to call somewhere else

because your place is too loud.

I'm not going to talk to you.

Just tell everyone to be quiet and I'll talk to you.

Who would you like to speak to, sir?

I want to make an order, but I want everyone to stop talking and be quiet.

We're in the restaurant, so there's a lot of people.

Just tell them real quick.

Please be quiet.

Please be quiet for a little bit, please.

And turn the lights on and off, all right?

What do you want us to do?

Turn on the light?

Turn off the lights and turn them back on a few times and ask them to please lower their voices, yeah.

Okay.

Can you do that?

Where are you sitting at?

Huh?

Oh, I can't hear you.

Can you please do that?

I'm going to go crazy.

Where are you sitting at?

Are you in the restaurant?

Yes.

Where are you sitting at?

Please just do it.

I'm embarrassed.

Please.

I'm going to have an episode.

I'm going to have a seizure.

Do you want me to turn off the light and turn it back on where?

At the counter?

In the dining area.

at the dining area yes okay how many times like five times flash them and turn them back on okay

and i'll be here don't go anywhere they'll hang up okay wow i almost didn't talk to her

taking so long i can't imagine she's doing it right you think she's really doing it i hear her

again yeah i like how having her flicker the lights and it's not supposed to give me a seizure

the exact opposite effect yeah turn the lights on and off and i'm gonna have a seizure

oh

Oh my God, hurry up.

Let's call a different place while we wait here.

This woman, blah, blah, blah.

Royal Kebab.

An Indian Pakistani halal place.

Yes, what happened?

Hello?

Yeah, hey.

We are busy right now.

Come on.

please i'm gonna be sick i'm gonna throw up she left a lot of time and didn't do it what a little

minx dark stranger requesting zappos joke of the day i'm still waiting for milkman to become

available on skype i don't understand sitting here while he's probably logged in and doesn't

realize that he's on invisible so milkman if you're listening take your stupid ass off of

invisible there he goes now i gotta god damn it man swear to christ and his call didn't go through

says busy super uh royal kebab here as i said before it's an indian pakistani halal place

so it's indian and muslim pakistani at the same time and they follow halal which means no pork

of course things of this nature i can call and confuse them with the rabbi say the rabbi this

and the rabbi that also wanted to mention hey guys you should be uh check out roxy has a podcast

cast so she uh released she released any episode of the fun show i helped her out with some of the

calls i didn't talk on it but i was dialing them for her and give her giving her some ideas on the

sly um so check that out i'm not sure where it's at but be on the lookout for that uh i don't

understand what the fuck milkman's stupid fucking problem is the way it's always a fucking problem

with this fucking asshole every fucking time god damn it call this motherfucking asshole god damn

what are you doing why does it say you're busy on skype i don't understand it's always something

with you we'll restart the skype hurry up come on man come on it's always something you want

to call your cell phone you're gonna keep trying skype come on let's go milkman come on what do

you want hello i gotta call you back you're on my cell phone because you won't answer skype all

right so i'm gonna call you back bye boy oh boy all right let's call milkman again this is where

When we first started the show, when he was using Gizmo, the shit that Google turned into Google Voice, they combined it with...

What was that other one? RingCentral?

Was that what it was? I forgot. I was an early adopter.

I think it was... I did. It was only like five years ago, and already it's like a memory, like a whisper.

I think it was... whatever I said it was. And he's not answering.

Hello?

I don't care. Milkman, message me when you get Skype figured out. I'm moving on. Sorry.

I'll try the Royal Kebab here.

As I've been trying for a while.

Always something with him.

You call him, he doesn't answer the phone.

Because he doesn't recognize the number.

Not to mention, it's always the same number for Skype for the show that calls him.

He hasn't figured that out yet.

Or who else would be calling him after I just said I'm going to call you back?

I'm so, I'm really upset at you people.

I'm really upset at you people right now, you know?

I keep trying to call and you guys don't want to answer.

Because you say you don't recognize the phone number.

This is cross.

I'm really sick and tired

you people make me sick

you know that

I'm trying to call

you people really make me sick

I'm trying to call

Royal Kebab

Indian Pakistan

yes

yeah you people

and phone didn't ring sir

yeah

why are you getting so upset

because I'm sick and tired

there's always something

with you damn people

the phone doesn't ring

okay then

I don't want to take your order

the food is bad

you stupid idiot

I just had to vent

some steam there

just get a call

talking shit

fuck you

fine

Sounds like my fight's around here in my house.

Fine.

Hey, what do you want?

What happened?

This woman over there hung up the phone.

It got nasty and hung up the phone.

I'm sorry about that.

I'm...

God damn it.

You people make me sick with that stuff, you know?

I get bad service and the food is cold and the food makes me get sick and have to use

the bathroom all night the other day.

Sir, if you don't like the food, then you don't have to call and be rude, okay?

Is this Indian?

Is this halal food?

This is halal food, right?

right it's this that's disgusting people they're like incredulous how dare you now milkman's trying

to call back uh so let's try to call him come on milkman calling milkman everybody calling the

milkman hello hey wow yay can you hear me okay yes okay good here you're great thank you thank god

jeez man this guy's a piece of shit anyway go ahead it's always something sir hummus hummus

You like hummus milk, man?

You put hummus in a nice pita wrap there sometimes?

Yeah, I like hummus.

And have you tried the Turkish style?

I guess they fix it a little bit different.

Yeah, because you shake that one.

You shake your falafel when you're done peeing, you know?

Oh, it's dead cold terminated.

Did you get those corn holes I told you about in San Francisco?

Yeah.

Ah, good, man.

Do you like them?

Yeah, they're good with salsa.

Afternoon.

Thank you for calling Hummus House.

How can I help you?

Yeah, listen.

Listen, this is, what, Mediterranean or Indian or what is it?

It's Middle Eastern.

It's a mixture of a lot of different foods.

Oh, that's disgusting.

Excuse me?

That's disgusting people.

No way, man.

Is it clean?

Like, are they clean people that are there?

Are they Americans or what are they that cook the food?

Are they white like you and me or what are they?

Sorry, I'm not white.

And, no, they're not.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You have a skin problem.

I'm sorry about that.

Apparently, you do as well.

Well, is there anything I can help you with?

My skin is great.

It's beautiful white skin.

Okay, is there anything I can help you with?

Yeah, I got a little bit of a tan.

I went down.

I was kayaking.

I got a little bit of a tan.

Farmer's tan, you know?

You like that?

A little darker for you?

All right, cool.

White people like you would be.

Woo!

Yeah.

How you go, man?

Redneck.

Redneck, man.

I went kayaking, man.

I was fly fishing.

Holy shit.

easy there cobra brother snake thank you for calling on the south how can i help you

hey sister how are you hello yeah hey i was talking to a ethnic person there a little bit

ago she got kind of upset you know how they are you know how those people are right how can i

help you sir i wanted to make an order but i wanted to make sure that you know the places

you know who what kind of people you have making the food are they clean people yes we are a clean

restaurants all right and um like what is ethnicity of the person who'll be touching the food if

they're not they are hispanic all right can you have them do they wear gloves the whole time

they do not can we get that done because i have a thing right now i can't guarantee it just because

we are extremely busy so it's just uh an extra step that they have to take that i'm not sure if

they'll be able to but i can surely ask yeah if you can ask that because it's very important i

I don't want, I have a thing about certain people touching my things, you know, with their hands, certain kind of people.

Okay, well, if you're ready to place your order, I can help you out with that.

Okay, yeah, sure.

I'll, let's see, I'll have one order of bhenchod.

Of what, I'm sorry?

Bhenchod.

What kind of entree would you like with that?

One spaces.

I'm so sorry.

I can bring it to you right now.

Okay.

Hello?

All right, thank you.

I'll bring it.

Go ahead and bring it.

Do you have my address there?

No, sir.

sir. What would you like to order with your food? Okay, sure. I'll be there like in 15 minutes.

What would you like to order, sir? I told you, the entree. Okay, we have lots of entrees. Which

entree would you like to order? One Spaces, please. I'm sorry? One Spaces. We don't have

an entree like that, sir. Do you have any Spaces, though? How many Spaces come in the entree? Sir,

do you have one of our menus? Do you know what you're ordering? Yeah. Okay, so what are you

ordering well it's easy i mean how many you say one entree but it's like there could be

one spaces two spaces in entree and you know it doesn't say that in the menu i really need you

know what how many spaces are in it are they do they all have like three spaces in them or how

many i'm not sure what kind of question you're asking sir this is not relating to food you're

you're not talking about food spaces for the or i'm not talking about food i'm talking about like

like an order, like a container, and how many spaces it has?

Okay, our food doesn't come in containers like that.

It's one big box, and they put your meat and your rice in one,

your salad in another, and your hummus in another.

That doesn't make any sense, though.

That's how we deliver our food.

I understand you're a woman.

Maybe you don't understand.

But it's impossible.

You can't just have, like, one space like that in one box.

We do not.

No, I'm sorry.

That doesn't make any sense, honey.

I know you have an accent.

Maybe this is a language barrier.

Maybe this isn't going to work out, you know?

Okay, sir.

If you'd like, you can please share your order with me.

If not, then you can call back at a later time or another day

when there's someone that you'd like to speak to.

Are there people that I might like to talk to?

I'm sorry, sir.

Can I have your name?

Oh, this is Cross.

Okay, and can I have your cell phone number, please?

You see it there on the ID.

We're not...

Okay, well, I will have to give you a call back at a later time

when you know what you'd like to order.

Whoa, you're going to call me?

How would you know when I'm ready?

I don't understand.

Well, I'm sorry, sir, but you haven't decided what to order,

and you've been holding me up on the phone for quite some time,

and it obviously doesn't seem like you know what you'd like to order,

so if you'd like to call me back when you do decide.

It's just a simple question.

It's like how many spaces come in per that entree, you know?

But like I said, our boxes do not have spaces.

It is one big box, and it comes with the meat and the rice.

And then in a separate box, you get your salad.

And in a separate container, you get your hummus.

So that's like three spaces, I think.

I don't know.

But I don't know.

Look on the box and see what it says.

It should say how many spaces it has.

Sir.

Yeah.

The box does not have spaces.

The box is one big box.

And then in a separate box, you get a salad.

And then in a separate container, you get a hummus.

I just don't think you understand how it works.

It's okay, honey.

If you don't understand, don't feel bad.

i'm not going to tell anybody all right that's okay i'll look you hey is that a man this is a

man oh great listen that she's a sweetheart but she has an accent i can't understand some of the

things she says you know okay all right so what i was asking her she wanted to take an order and

she said uh spaces right but my question is well how many how many spaces come order how many spaces

How many spaces come in the entree?

Is it two, three spaces?

It could be four.

I don't know what you mean by spaces.

You can look on, usually the box says how many spaces in the box.

Oh, you mean the little sections or whatever?

Yeah.

Oh, well, there's no sections.

It's just one big container.

See, that doesn't make any sense.

I don't know.

Are you white, or what are you exactly?

I am African American.

You're black.

You're Negro.

Black, yes.

All right.

All right. Is there anyone there who's not a or a Latino?

Yeah. Give me one second.

Okay. All right.

And we're on that.

So just one big space milkman while we're holding here.

That's what I'm guessing the answer is.

One big space milkman.

Great. Thank you, milkman.

I'll call a halal meat and deli while we wait on that.

I think we're going to be on hold for a while there with that gentleman.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Halal meat and grill.

Hey, buddy. How are you?

Yes.

Hey, I was calling about the space.

How many spaces do you guys have over there?

I think 100.

Hey.

Yeah, hold on.

I think it's 100.

Hello?

He's telling you.

100.

Yeah.

100?

Yes.

Okay.

You see, sir?

He said 100 is what he's saying.

Hello?

Yeah.

Don't go anywhere.

Hello, me.

Is Hummus House, what was your name, sir?

Yes.

My name is James.

James, yeah.

And what was your name at Halal Meat?

Who?

Okay.

We serve halal meat.

Yeah, he says 100 spaces, he's saying, James.

I don't know what he means by spaces.

I don't have anything that has to do with spaces,

and we don't have, like, individual sections in our containers.

It's just one big takeout container.

Oh, shoot, man.

And they have to really put...

Are you calling from, like, a hotel?

Yeah.

Tawakal halal meat and deli?

We actually don't even have a deli anymore.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, now it's Thomas House.

Yeah, yeah.

So, yeah, the other guy, he says for sure that you'd have at least 100 spaces in there.

I don't understand why you guys don't.

Oh, 100 spaces as in seats?

I don't know.

Like seats to eat in?

Is that what you mean by spaces?

It's just comments.

I know there's like an accent over there, you know, we're having a communication, you know,

African, between African and American English, you know, you know.

I don't really know, but okay.

Okay, yeah, that's fine.

I understand.

Well, hey, you know, keep trying, keep pushing, you know, reach for the stars, all right?

Yeah.

All right, you keep, reach for the stars, man, and so you fall in the cloud.

All right, buddy.

Yes.

All right, take it easy.

All right, see you, bye.

Hello, hello, me, Adelie.

Hey, what happened?

I was asking you about the spaces.

You didn't back me up.

Hello?

Yeah, you didn't back me up with the black guy.

What happened?

Oh, but there wasn't a trip now.

What do you want?

Are you an ET or?

Oh.

Well, no, yeah, I needed you to back me up for the black kid about the spaces in the halal meet, you know,

but you just kind of sat there.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, thanks for nothing, but hey, thanks for answering that question, yeah.

Uh-huh.

All right.

Maybe we talk to my boss tomorrow after the morning.

Okay, I say.

You got it.

Yeah.

All right, buddy.

Yes, okay.

All right, totally.

All right, cool.

All right, that guy seems happy now.

Milkman, are you there?

Hello, sir.

Mr. Milkman, sir.

No, Milkman, immediately.

We'll wait on him.

That was a weird call.

A weird call indeed.

Porch Monkey asking me to do requested pranks, Carlito.

Okay, fine.

Take it easy.

We'll get to them.

But before that, Curry Palace Indian Restaurant.

Hey, buddy, this is Indian food, right?

This is Indian food?

Yes.

Okay, okay.

That's disgusting, you know?

It's disgusting.

That's disgusting.

Indian food is disgusting.

Let me see.

The Indian people are disgusting, you know?

Okay, so what's wrong with you? I'm not Indian.

Oh, what are you?

Oh, I'm from America.

Oh, how long you, when did you move here from India?

Before you were born.

Before I was born?

Yeah.

I don't know about that. I've been here a long time.

Yeah, so you wanted something or you wanted talking like that?

Oh, no, I mean, I wanted to order food, but I want to make sure, you know, like,

are there Americans making the food? They're not Indian?

No, only Indians would make it.

Only Indians? Can you have them wear gloves on their hands, like rubber gloves?

What do you mean?

Can you have them wear rubber gloves and a mask on their face

so they don't touch and breathe on the food and stuff like that?

Okay.

Do you have those masks for the face that they use in the hospital?

No, we don't have it.

I don't want, because they're disgusting people.

You know how they are. You're American, you're white like me.

You know how those other people, you know how those dirty people are, right?

Okay, all right.

All right.

Thank you.

So that's a deal breaker for you?

Sorry?

That's a deal breaker for you?

That's not going to, we can't move on?

Yeah, all right.

All right.

All right, well, see you, asshole.

Banshoot.

Banshoot?

You're the Banshoot number one from India.

Yeah, well, I am the Monarchoon.

He did not like that, guys.

He did not like that.

milkman your audio sounds bad milkman you sound bad what are you doing okay i can't hear him

that's that's the audio we got from milkman i can't put him on if he sounds like that come

on get that fixed milkman restart your computer or something dude come on man

he's calling again hang on let's see milkman reboot your computer you sound bad

Hello?

I can't hear you.

Stop calling, asshole.

Fucking shit.

Anyway.

All right.

Request a prank is what we're going to do now.

Let me move over to that.

Oh, yeah.

I'm going to play music.

That helps out.

Helps calm me down.

Not y'all at Milkman.

In front of everybody on the show.

Sends in a number to prank.

Oh, we already did that.

Never mind.

Thanks for sending it again.

But no.

We got a number for a World Cable TV and that they're Asian.

Okay.

I guess so.

Yo, it's Asian night here, Asian-themed party tonight.

You guys know what's going on?

The call table, the home of the global triple play.

If you know your party's extension, please dial it now.

For sales, press 1.

Thank you for calling the support.

Can I help you?

I never heard of you people before doing these kind of things.

Huh?

Where are you at?

Are you in America?

Are you in India?

Or where are you?

Just like, I don't give you information until you tell me your name and number from where you're calling from.

Listen, I don't need you to get snippy and have attitude with me.

Do you have North American call center, this company?

No, sir.

Where are you from?

Are you in the Philippines?

No.

Where are you?

Dominican Republic?

Where are you, huh?

We are from New York.

You're in New York?

I don't believe it.

Why do you have an accent like that?

You don't believe that, so why should we tell you where we are?

All right.

If you're in New York, where do the Mets play baseball?

What's the name of the stadium?

Sorry?

If you're from New York and you know New York, you're from New York, where do the Mets play

baseball?

What stadium is their home stadium?

They cannot give you any good information.

Oh, you don't know.

You're lying.

You're not from New York.

You're a liar.

I really appreciate that, sir.

We cannot give you any information about that.

Yeah, you don't know.

You're not in New York, jerk.

Give me a name of one of the tunnels in Manhattan.

Come on.

Where are you?

Tell me the truth.

You're in India, huh?

Where are you, boy?

Tell me, huh?

Where are you?

Hey.

Hey, you see?

India, huh?

Nice try.

Nice try, Ulu.

Hey, Gandu.

How's the weather there, huh?

They're just sitting there bitching.

Hey, come on.

They're fucking going off.

Come on, man.

Please.

Hey.

And he hung up.

All right, we'll call him back.

See if we can get someone else.

Thank you for calling Able, the home of the global triple play.

If you know your party's extension, please dial it now.

For sales, press 1.

for technical support press two for billing press three for any other inquiries please press zero

hey what happened why was i just like you were talking to me then you're not talking to me

yeah hey what happened what are you talking about you can't hear me hello

hello hey hello what happened why did you hang up sorry why you hang up on me

You should know about the services, otherwise I will hang up the call again.

Milkman.

Hello.

Hey, Milkman.

Yeah, what's going on with you, man?

It's weird, man.

I got an update, a Skype on my phone, and it's locking up.

And then I had reinstalled my old image backup in for this computer because it was acting funky.

And it had an older version of Skype, so I installed the new one, and it's acting funky.

They're both locking up, man.

That's why I get frustrated with Skype, man.

Man, it just, it never, when I need it, it's not there.

Look, man, it's not Skype's fault that you had to roll back to an image that had an old version of the software, dude.

It's Skype's fault that it isn't working on my telephone, isn't it?

I don't know.

Who cares?

It's the telephone.

That's what I'm saying, man.

It's like, you know, I'm having to deal with compromises here, you know, and that's why I get frustrated with Skype.

Well, I think the main problem is why you have to re-image the laptop.

Why?

There should be no reason you have to re-image more than twice a year at the moment.

Triple, triple play.

You should do it every week.

You re-image your laptop every week, dude?

No, I'm just fucking joking.

Jesus Christ, you're fucking paranoid.

You're like Crazy Fucker.

You're Alex Jones.

Alex Jones re-images his laptop every week.

That place doesn't want to answer anymore.

I think they're seeing our number coming up on their big board.

You know what I mean, Milkman?

On the big board.

Anyway, re-imaging your laptop once a week.

Are you nuts?

Oh, man, that's being safe, man.

That's the safe way to do it.

Do you encrypt your OS also?

Oh, yeah, you've got to encrypt all your drives, too.

You've got to use a hex decimal number, of course.

What are you using?

What are you using for encryption?

What do you use for encryption?

TrueCrypt?

What do you use, man?

128, that 128-bit encryption.

Oh, okay, that's a standard, not a program.

BSK? What is it? BSK or shit like that?

I don't know what they call it.

JPEG?

Please enjoy this device.

Yeah, it's that one.

Baron says, call India for help, Milkman.

There you go.

Call India, Milkman.

Call India for help, Milkman.

That's what Baron in the chatroom said.

Your call has been forwarded to an audience.

Baron in the chatroom said that.

That's pretty funny.

William wraps up his computer in tinfoil.

Milkman is making up shit as he goes,

says nettle man milkman you got a response to that metal man yeah so what isn't that isn't that

what i always do his whole life is made up man yeah that's right dude i don't even exist i'm a

computer program they program me ahead before every show and that's why it's always sound stupid

when i talk your name real your name actually really is meat man uh right yeah you should you

should just do a meat man thing one night just be meat man for the whole night this is the meat

You mean nipples all night?

Yeah, there you go.

All right, here's a number for someone who would like to sell a 1990 Chevy Cavalier.

Parting out, whole car, everything is good, except for motor and driver's side.

Okay, cool.

I'm going to call them.

This guy's name is Charlie.

We always have good prank call victims named Charlie.

Milkman, I can name two or three.

Yeah, I miss Charlie.

Oh, man.

All our Charles.

Victor Charles, man.

Yeah.

Yeah, so let me tell them I want to live in it.

Let's see what happens.

Okay.

Hey, yes, is that Charlie?

Who's this?

This is Eddie.

I saw you're selling a 90 Cavalier.

Like 12 o'clock at night.

Yeah, but I need somewhere to sleep, so I know it doesn't run,

but I have a AAA membership, so they said they'll come

and they'll tow it 10 miles from me.

I'm going to put it in this federal park grounds, you know.

No one ever goes back there or anything like that.

i'm just gonna put it back there and then you know i'll lay the seats down and stuff you know

you know i'll put myself like a sterno camp kind of thing inside where the engine goes and all that

kind of cook up my eggs there in the morning and stuff you know oh this is eddie eddie cross i saw

you had your ad there in the swap shop so i figured that'd be nice i got divorced you see

and i got four kids i got all this child support to pay for and i want to be near my kids you know

I'm looking for a construction job because I want to win my kids back.

I want to park the car in the woods.

I'll sleep in there.

I'll take a shower.

Down by, there's a little retention pond over there.

I can go in there and wash my armpits and stuff like that.

Maybe do a little fishing, you know.

know get i'll cut myself down like a thin tree you know make myself a nice fishing pole with it

yeah yeah i think that'd be a good that's a good step up you know because i can't stand my ex-wife

i'm still living here in the house and she's fucking some other guy right my our old bed

she's in the room next door i can hear them fucking and everything you know she said i could

stay here because i got nowhere else to go but she keeps bringing home this guy and they keep

fucking in the bed you know and i'm not supposed to do anything because we're divorced now and all

all this stuff but you know there's they're smoking cigarettes inside the house in front

of the kids and everything and i asked her please don't smoke in front in the house in front of the

kitchen she's like you don't live this isn't your house anymore she said eddie this isn't your house

anymore you know what the judge said this isn't your house anymore that's what she says to me

can you help me out sure would you man i don't i just can you can you let me buy that car for you

and i'm gonna get triple a's gonna come by and tow it they say they'll take it 10 miles

I'm going to have them drop them off in the woods.

I really could use a nice sleep tonight, man.

Get out of here.

I'm ready to pack my bags and everything.

I've been looking.

I've been looking for a car.

I've been calling around.

You were telling me you weren't sleeping.

Well, yeah.

Where else am I supposed to sleep?

I can't sleep on the street.

These are the cars I'm protecting going to the woods.

I've got some camping equipment, but you never know.

Animals, you get snakes and bears and stuff out there.

They'll attack me for my food.

you know and you get colored people out there and stuff so you know at least in the car i got

some protection you know i can put my stuff in it i'm gonna i'm gonna run an extension cord out

the back and run it out to this there's this building over there i'm gonna run this extension

cord out to the building and i can plug in you know my cell phone it's i'd rather not tell you

could be a perverse that's between you know the triple a will i'll give them a locate a gps cord

and there really is no address, you know.

You just called me trying to buy a car at 12 o'clock at night

and tell me I'm a pervert, man.

Are you out of your damn mind?

Well, I wouldn't want you to know.

My goodness, how rather abrupt.

Do you think maybe he dropped the phone?

I guess.

Call him right back.

Milkman, you got this thing you keep,

your phone is making weird noises, your mic.

It's cutting in and out and stuff, man.

What are you doing?

Cutting in and out, what do you mean?

What do you mean cutting in and out?

I can't.

You've got to listen to it.

I can't.

You've got to listen to it to know, dude.

I don't know, dude.

I'm not doing anything.

I'm just kind of like not talking much.

How about you listen on Shellcast real quick and stay connected here and you can hear it.

It's like this noise.

It's a noise.

That's all I can say, Milkman.

It's a noise.

It's a noise?

It was a noise.

That's it.

I can't tell you exactly what it is.

I can't spell it out for you.

Man, you're scaring me.

All right.

It sounds like a loose wire or something, man.

Hello.

No one is available.

Is my wire still loose?

I can hear it not as much anymore, but I still kind of hear it.

What did you do?

Did you run over it with a vacuum cleaner or something, man?

I have no idea, dude.

I'm just sitting here talking.

I mean, you had mentioned it.

That's the only reason I asked, because I don't like, is it better or worse?

I'm trying to, like, troubleshoot.

Mookman, you know that Skype has a test call.

You can just call it and talk for a little bit and come back, and you can hear back everything that you sound like, you know?

I was testing it.

It sounded okay, but I'll go check it again.

It sounds good now, man.

man. Don't touch it. Leave it alone.

Alright, asshole.

Alright, big guy.

We're going to call another Indian. Nizam.

Nizam? Nizam?

I'm going to mute. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Never mind.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Nini wants us to do the porn filter

stuff. Hey, buddy.

How are you, man? Is that Indian

food? Yes. It's not Pakistani

food? It's Indian? Yes, it's

Indian. Oh, that's disgusting food.

Fuck you. Hey, don't

Don't call me here, okay?

Don't be like that, please.

Fuck you.

Hey.

Jump right on me, man.

You heard that guy.

He wasn't having that.

Try him again.

What's his problem, man?

What's wrong?

You know, we got our preferences.

He just said, oh, fuck you, fuck you, man, like that.

I know, man.

What the fuck is freaking nasty?

Nasty.

Man, there's no decency left in this world.

Can you help me?

Yeah, I wanted to make an order.

Sure, what would you like, sir?

Like one order of papadums.

Mm-hmm.

Do you have jasmine rice?

No, we have the saffron.

Okay, I'll have one of those.

Okay, one saffron rice, okay.

Do you have chicken tikka masala?

Yes, we do.

Okay, one of that.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, and one madrachod.

I'm sorry?

One madrachod.

What is that?

Madrachod, you know madrachod, bhenchod, you have that?

I don't know that one.

Can you ask someone else for Bhenchod, please?

I'm sorry?

Bhenchod.

I don't know.

What is that?

Bhenchod.

You know Bhenchod?

You know what a ban is?

His sister.

Oh, give me the number.

Then I ask someone.

Then I call back you.

Oh, 69.

What is 69?

It's the number.

69?

Yeah, that's when I lay down on the bed,

and then you sit your pretty little ass in my face.

You put your asshole in my nose, and, you know.

Hey.

Hello?

Yeah, do you know what 69 is?

What 69?

If you see the number 69, you write it down.

I need it.

Okay, so what do you want?

The circle is the head.

Okay, so what do you want?

That's what you do with your mother child.

You know, your mother child, you have your mom sitting...

You dirty man.

Don't call her, okay?

Wow.

Cool, man.

Dig that, man.

Dig that wacky jazz, bro.

Isn't that awesome?

69.

Teaching him 69.

He's probably going to go try that tonight.

He's going to tell his arranged wife, I want you to make 69 tonight.

She sounded pretty sweet, man.

I think he was ready to go down with it, man.

I think he may have figured it out.

I'm going to jump in and intercept.

I want you to make 69 tonight, please.

That was a good one.

Good one.

I was a grubber to grubber, and I asked.

Wow.

Yeah, baby.

I got a number for you.

You got a number for me, huh?

Yeah.

69, baby.

What is 69?

We dropped calls.

Lunch hours are from 11 a.m. to 2.45 p.m. every day.

That demand is not recognized.

Please try again.

To replay your recording, press 1.

To erase and rerecord, press 2.

For delivery options, press 3.

To send this message now, press number sign.

It's right there.

Someone's calling.

Let's see if it's police, guys.

Maybe it's police.

Oh, come on.

Man.

I don't know if it's police or not.

I can't get this shit to close, this fucking Google shit.

What's the problem, man?

It's always something.

Skype this.

Thank you, Google.

It had completely blocked out my screen and Google Voice to say,

Hey, how do you like this new layout?

I couldn't click anything until I found the one.

That's all my excuses, man.

It's always something.

Whatever, Milkman.

Nice try.

nice try

weren't you eating

celery on the air

the other day

of all the fucking

veggies

of all the veggies

you chose celery

which is the one

they used to use

for Bugs Bunny

because it was so loud

that's what they used to chew

was the celery

whoever that was

I forgot about that

he did always have

the celery

yeah

the thing was

they tried carrots

they weren't loud enough

they tried celery

it sounded perfect

but the guy

hated celery

so he would spit it out

in a bucket

next to

yeah

it was

it was a leg

on foghorn here

Bob Foghorn.

Yeah, Bob Foghorn had a big allergy, so that's why.

I forgot the guy's name, the voice behind Bugs.

Bob Foghorn.

It wasn't Foghorn Leghorn Milkman.

It was someone else.

It was Bob Foghorn.

It wasn't Bob Foghorn either, man.

It was like some Jewish name or something.

Some Jew.

I think you may have missed that.

Okay.

All right.

It was Bob Foghorn.

Yeah, man.

Hey, how's Polaris?

How did Polaris...

Milkman, you sound like crap again, man.

Dan, is your video on?

Are you playing video, first of all?

No, I don't have a video on.

I better not be on, motherfucker.

Yes, you do.

Your video is on.

Yes, it is.

That's what I don't like about this thing.

I don't want that shit on.

You've got a black screen.

You can't see anything, but it's a black video screen.

Oh, okay.

That's all right, Dan.

That's acceptable.

Well, can you disable it?

Because your bandwidth sounds like shit.

Yeah, let me disable it, Dan.

I'll walk back there.

Thank you.

Fucking piece of dog, dude.

All right.

Appreciate it.

God damn.

Man, hurry up.

You sound like crap.

Oh, my God, man.

You're a piece of work tonight, Milkman.

I'm telling you.

How was Polaris back in the chat room?

I thought we agreed we weren't going to let him back in because he's a stupid, dumb fuck.

How did he get back in there?

Milkman, your video's still on.

Good God.

Mel Blanc.

Thank you, Enigma.

Enigma was paying attention to the show, apparently, and let us know.

It is Mel Blanc.

Thank you, sir.

Blanc.

I don't know.

I'll re-pronounce it.

Here's a number in the UK where Nino keeps wanting us for the last three weeks to call

and scare people about their internet porn filter,

despite the fact that these are all old people

who don't even have the internet.

They don't even have the jitterbug phone.

Fuck.

Hello?

Hey, buddy, how are you?

Hey, is that David?

Hello?

David there?

Who is that?

Oh, this is Eddie.

I need to speak to David.

It's man business, please.

Who?

It's men's business for David, please.

Do you know what time it is?

Where are you phoning from?

I'm calling from the computers.

I need to talk to David immediately.

Right now, I said.

Woman.

It's in the middle of the night.

Go, go, go.

I heard him.

He's awake.

Put him on.

Do it now.

I command you.

Don't do the computer.

What is it?

David doesn't do the computer.

He doesn't have a computer.

Hey, listen.

Listen, I have the computer, not David.

That's why I said you're a woman.

You don't understand things.

Put him on.

No, I won't.

See, because you don't...

What do you want with him?

It's for men only to talk about, not women.

It's about women.

It's about other women.

He can't come to the phone.

I want to talk to other women with their breasts and their private parts and everything.

Pretty women.

I'm sorry, he can't come to the phone.

Oh, come on.

Hello?

Hey, what happened?

I'm sorry, but he can't come to the phone.

But he's right there.

He's right there.

You can't talk to him.

He's right there.

And I want to just talk to him about sex stories, about pretty...

You cannot talk to him.

About sex stories, about beautiful...

I don't care what you want to talk to him.

It's four o'clock in the morning here, and he won't talk to you.

Please don't phone again.

Can you give them a message?

Sex stories.

I'm always trying to find the elusive sex stories.

Milkman, are you back yet, Milkman?

No, nothing.

No response from Milkman still.

Come on, man, Milkman.

Come on, man.

Porchmonkey asking if I did.

Yes.

No, I did not do your requested prank.

Yes, I will do your requested prank now.

Thank you.

Just a moment, please.

Billman sent one, and I'm going to go from the top of the list.

I'll get to it.

music please bill man send in a number here and request a prank which as i mentioned before you

can also hit up if you head over to the main home homepage of the show madhouse live.com

much appreciated and a thank you to everyone who is tuned in tonight all 187 of you not including

youtube viewers not including youtube viewers great job guys appreciate it all right tell you

what i'm gonna take i gotta take another quick break i'm gonna handle something here real quick

with this cat before he draws me off the wall he's begging to be let outside i can only suppose

suppose he wants to use the litter box so we're gonna give him an opportunity to do that so i'm

not about to be cleaning up cat shit from my house anyway uh we're gonna play a prank call

here called sanjay since we've had a few indian calls tonight and we're dialing milkman here

hopefully he'll have his issues fixed and we'll be able to talk with those nice hello oh hey mr

nice guy how are you what happened something weird was going on like i tried to click back in i don't

know how i get disconnected and it kept dialing everybody's numbers in a group and they were all

talking at once and it would hang up and then one guy answered i don't know what the fuck was

could you hear me uh no you just uh it's it's been poor very poor tonight i don't know why

it sounds a lot better now we'll see how long it holds off for a buddy when i click group call bob

it just went i don't know do it like rang about like six different numbers and somebody answered

really someone your number came up too and then everybody started dropping phones

Oh, yeah.

At some point, it reconnected everybody.

I don't know what that was about, but, yes, it did do that, Milkman.

Correct.

Yeah, it did it to me like two or three times because I kept trying to call you,

and I think it was me calling the whole group, but nobody was actually,

you wasn't actually picking it up.

No.

Well, we're okay, Milkman.

All right?

We're okay.

Okay, sir.

We'll move on.

All right, buddy.

Don't panic.

Don't be mad.

Milkman, in his bad luck, says Serge or whatever his name is.

Hey, Serge.

Hey, what's going on, man?

Are you all right?

we have some people

joined in

I think it's past midnight

you okay with that man

yeah

oh yeah yeah yeah

okay we're not on my phone

that's cool

yeah

go for it man

hell yeah

have some fun

big baby Baz

and milkman's favorite

game

Ken

okay Ken and Baz

Baz

Kenner

let's go

what's going on

you bound shoods

hey Mr. Bound Shood

I'm told

we were bugging the shit

out of you Carlito

oh yeah

I was

it doesn't

it flashes on the side

but on

on a side monitor.

I kind of see it on the side of my bad eye,

the eye that I got the cat out to.

Watch out with that penile.

Oh, shit, we weren't bugging you enough then.

Nope, nope, I saw it.

We were like, this has to be bugging us.

I was busy with something else, you know.

So you guys doing good?

You guys all right?

I'm doing great.

I heard you talking about fishing earlier,

and I actually went fishing today.

I caught a salmon.

Ooh, a salmon.

Yeah, that's good.

That's good meat on a salmon.

Nice fatty fish.

It's going in the smoker, man.

Oh, don't smoke your salmon?

Really?

You're going to smoke it?

No, it's a pink salmon.

Pink salmon are not that great unless you smoke them.

Oh, it's so tight.

We've got about five different types of salmon here in Washington State.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, they swim up the river, eh?

No, I'm catching them in the salt water.

Ew, gross.

Okay, cool, man.

It's awesome.

Anyway, Nunu's going to say this is a prank show, not a fishing show.

Not a fishing show.

Tomorrow I'm going to kill that league

I'm going to kill the draft

We're going to re-invite everybody who was in last year's league

Except for Richie

And then

We'll see if we get 10

We'll go the max 12 players

So basically we have one spot open

And I think Baz, did you ask for that?

Who asked for that first?

Yeah, I'd like a spot if possible

No, no, I wasn't

No, Baz wasn't

All right, I'll send an invite to everybody since we're dropping Richie than that,

and then we might even be able to drop down to 10 if we have two people who don't join up.

But the guy from last year, that's actually Billy from GillyCast.

He's the guy that got caught in the rainstorm and couldn't make the draft.

I thought it was him.

Yeah, that's him.

He's there, and we'll have to get Aaron back.

So I'll send everyone back an invite.

We'll move on with that.

I'm going to time the draft for a Thursday night.

We can do it at 8 p.m. Eastern.

Are you posting in the forums for the draft?

Yeah, right.

Well, what's a good time?

9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. on the West Coast?

Is that a good time?

I don't know.

We've got to figure it out.

Yeah, that's a little...

Yeah, last time we did it Sunday at midnight.

I'm a little tough because I'm on the West Coast,

so I don't get home from work until about 6.30 usually.

So that would be 9.30 Eastern.

Let me think here.

9.30, 9.30 Eastern.

Yeah, that's...

See, I don't want to preempt the show.

I don't want to preempt the show.

Well, maybe we'll just do it on a Wednesday or maybe.

i gotta work now i gotta work i can't do it's gotta be a thursday or a friday night for me man

that's gonna work out so can you do it on a friday we can do it on a friday but we won't

do anything live on the air we'll do it we'll do a friday night you know we're not gonna do

an on-air thing for it no one cares for that anyway which i does broadcast yeah yeah that's

what i mean he's gonna be on so we can't just go on the air just to do fantasy football no one wants

that all right we'll just do a friday night we'll you know do it while we listen to to pranks i

Well, I might be able to get off work.

If you can give me a time, I can make arrangements.

I mean, not a time, a date.

I can make arrangements.

We can do it earlier.

Yeah, I can change that.

I can change that to the next time.

My schedule is flexible.

If we want to do it on Thursday the 29th,

I can try to be home earlier that day.

Yeah.

All right.

All right, well.

We can talk about it off air sometime.

Yeah, off air because people get all wound up.

But I'm going to pay for the nicer league.

How many teams are you going to have?

either 10 or 12

one of the two

oh

we'll see

yeah

you're going to have

a good group then

no more than 12

Milkman

no more than 12

do you want to be on

Milkman

if we get you a spot now

the last year

you didn't want to

can I get spot 14

or zero

ah zero

no

no 14

14 is way too many

then there's not many

players available

we'll figure it out

well

just get 13 right

because it's unlucky

you need to have

no

Milkman get out of here

not funny

alright

all right that's a new thing i like that and i'm trying to see if that works out for the show

how it looks i don't know milkman do you see the youtube video at all what do you have an

opinion on that or when the show's over go and tell me what you think of the video the way i

have to take a look at i tried to take a look at the problem is that i don't get good bandwidth

because i'm mobile a lot during the day and i only like i'm only home for about like maybe

maybe eight hours at the most.

So, you know, I got to be back out at, like, four, so.

All right.

Check it out.

I'll check it out.

Another quick ad.

Ah, no, no, I think, no, I don't think I did.

No, I was at work.

I couldn't hear it.

Well, we called.

Yeah.

The counter.

He told me I didn't know what I was talking about.

I started getting fucking pissy with him, and he's like,

did you have to play it enough?

He's like, did you go to the Delta counter?

Oh, yeah.

And I was like, what?

And he's like, yeah, you had to go to the fucking Delta counter.

so he's supposed to go get those tickets again yeah i heard the call you sent me the call in

somewhere did you skype it to me or dropbox one of those yeah that's when we made the initial

yeah the initial second call yeah i heard the first round i didn't hear the the aftermath

on friday now i was i was busy at work up until like four in the morning um i know i i think it

was friday or saturday i joined uh sloth and brad for some pranks that were kind of funny

i guess it would sound better if i put my mic by my fucking mouth much better uh but yeah he

I thought, yeah, Ken, I thought you sounded like you was in the other room.

I had the fucking thing up around my head.

Yeah, the first round of calls when he had to punch that Dakota kid in the fucking face.

I started fucking dying.

Wow.

Anyway, someone wants us to call a high school German teacher?

I don't know.

Well, we got the number, but it's for the high school.

We can't call the high school at midnight, dude.

Juden.

Think about it.

You've got to practice your words.

You've got to, you know,

Duncan Shane, you know,

Ivy Gates.

I speak German.

Juden.

I speak a little bit of German.

We can talk bad about the Judens.

No, it's just Juden.

Juden.

Oh, okay.

In German, the J is a Y.

Okay.

All right.

Bill Mann says that there's an Indian

who gets angry at this Super 8 hotel.

Let's try it.

If I remember correctly,

I had the whole call with Brad and Sloth where I told the guy that he was fucking his girlfriend on the balcony watching the Disneyland fireworks.

I'm pretty sure I had this conversation.

I was in my car smoking a cigar in my lunch break at 4 in the morning.

What kind of cigar?

It was a short Davidoff Perfecto.

Can you remember?

Evening, James.

I'm super 8.

This is Sybil.

How may I help you?

Connecticut rapper.

Hey, yes.

How are you?

Is this the super 8?

Yes, it is.

Where's the Indian guy I was talking to before that works there?

In bed.

He's dead?

In bed.

Oh, the Indian guy's in bed?

Mm-hmm.

Can I help you with something?

Does he have a bed there, or where does he sleep?

He lives at his house.

Oh, what's his number, then?

I can't tell you that.

Well, it's important.

I was supposed to call him back.

I can't give you that kind of information.

I was on the balcony porking my wife when I was supposed to call him back, and I forgot.

Fuck yeah, he's in bed.

Porking my wife, and then I'm going to tell her that we fell down.

You're supposed to join him in bed.

She must be Muslim.

She's got that pork conversion there.

she spit as she hung up the phone spit on the floor just spat on the floor hello we are not

available now oh come on super eight hey that's an answer machine answer machine huh we try to

hack yeah we need to talk to the turkish horse now like a ge that's like a ge model let's try

to hack it like brad carter would evening james i'm super eight this civil how may i help you

yeah hey what happened you hung up i don't have to put up with language like that no

It says pork in this food.

I think she's white, though.

It's not a bad word.

Call her back.

Let me just go, fuck yeah, and see how long she stays on.

All right.

Pork is the other white meat.

America's meat.

It's the most taboo of all meats.

That and horse.

Human.

Delicious human.

Yum.

Oh, come on.

All I have is her.

She's not going to play.

She put that phone on vibrate and put it in her crotch.

She shoved it up there.

Yep.

Okay.

Moving right along.

Well, lots of U.K. numbers here if you guys want to jump in on that.

Oh, fuck yeah.

I know Mr. Schnoswell would like this.

I'm actually at my dad's house, and I'll have to tell you that my dad is 79 years old.

He's a big fan of Madhouse, actually.

No kidding.

Get out.

He fucking loves the prank calls.

Yeah?

You playing for him?

Oh, fuck yeah.

All right.

He laughs his ass off.

Very good.

There's one guy you'll have to call about the roommate thing, Carlito.

His name's Harlan.

quite the fucking looker. You might want to talk to him

sometime. Okay, I'll check that out.

I'll check that out. Does your

grandpa ever tell you about pranks in the

old days? Or your dad tell you about pranks in the

old days? Oh, hell yeah.

What do they call a woman?

Do you have

Prince Henry in a can or whatever the fuck?

Call the tobacco shop.

Do you have Prince Albert in a can?

I can see your knees.

Yeah,

bad as his dad told him about pranks back in the

day. Now they're doing pranks.

us back in the day.

Back in the day, we used to call

after Labor Day and ask the ladies if they

were still wearing white, if you know what I mean.

You've got the wrong number.

No, you know you don't wear white

after Labor Day, right?

Fuck off!

Hey, fuck you. No, this is the

Queen's command call. Don't hang up.

What an asshole.

Would your wife like to wear some white skee-ski?

Fuck off!

Sound like John McCartney. Paul McCartney.

John Paul McCartney.

Welcome.

Feed for a while.

You're Paul's brother, John.

He wants old father Baz to do a call.

The person you have called is unavailable.

Well, I'm actually visiting him.

I'm at his house right now.

You?

I said that, too.

I told you in chat you should have your old maid do a call.

Yeah, have him come on.

Talk about wearing white after Labor Day.

Woo!

David Hart.

David Hart is next.

Can I take this one?

Yep, David Hart.

You got it.

Like fart, but an H instead of the A.

Hopefully this fucker will answer

Yeah hopefully the fucker

Asshole wanker

Hello we are not available now

Please leave your name and phone number

No we won't do no such thing we'll try again

They're asleep gotta wake them up

Hello we are not available now

Please leave your name and phone number

Next one

Another David

David Ironside

It's like a ship an old timey ship

An old Ironside

Isn't there a TV show Ironside

That was my nickname in high school.

Yeah, that was Perry Mason.

They're both on MeTV right now.

Yeah, that's him.

Sweet.

Yeah, I played football in high school.

That was my nickname, Ironsides.

Robert Ironsides.

I was watching an old-ass episode of Cash Cab, and that was Dr. Fuckable's voice.

Cab, that's bomb.

Hello?

You got the wrong number.

No, this is, may I speak with David Ironside, please?

Please, this is David Snozzwell calling, and I do not have the wrong number.

Who are you calling?

It's 5.30 in the morning.

I'm aware of that, but my name is David Snozzwell, and this is the matter of the utmost urgency.

Who are you with at that?

Yes, I'm with the Royal Service.

Do you call me at a decent time?

No, I will not call at a decent time.

Don't hang up.

Do not hang up.

He doesn't have the ability to listen to me.

He doesn't have to come back.

God damn it.

He doesn't have to hang up.

That'll get a little bit slower next time.

You're like 10 buttons.

Hey, Baz, call me Edward and see what he does.

He did that one in under 30 seconds.

He must have been pretty awake.

Yes.

Do not hang up on me.

Fuck off.

Hey, don't talk that way to me.

Holy shit.

Hey, you hear that?

He told you to call back.

All right.

He said, don't call back.

Let me just ask when he answers the phone.

I'll say, what's up, my nigga?

Let's see what he does.

Yes.

Fuck off.

Wow.

You're talking.

Asshole.

We got a fucking fiery one on our hands.

Holy shit.

Let's save that number.

Back out.

Hello.

What's up, my nigga?

Don't hang up.

How dare you?

This is David Snoswell.

I'm calling from the Royal Service.

At the Queen's Command, please do not hang up.

I need to speak with Mr. Ironside immediately.

Queen's Command.

At the Queen's Command, that's correct.

Queen's Command, I need to speak to you immediately.

Can you tell me, you don't know what trouble you've just caused.

What?

I'm calling for David Ironside.

Can you explain to me why?

This is man's business.

This is not for women's ears.

Put Mr. Ironside on immediately.

I don't have time for this rubbish.

No, no way.

Please put him on immediately.

Queen, we haven't got time for this rubbish.

Rubbish.

Here, let's listen.

Queen, son, is married.

He's going to be his wife.

...anything from customs or anything, is he?

I've got nothing coming from him.

These are awkward.

No, you're kidding.

You know it's 5.30.

Oh, no.

What, in the bed at all?

You just bounced.

Don't know.

Hey!

They might start fucking.

Hello.

Hey!

What's the problem?

Hi.

Hey, how are you?

Hi, ma'am.

How are you this evening?

How can I help you? It's not. It's middle of the night.

Oh, we're calling from the call center in Chicago, Illinois.

It's only 12.37 a.m. in Chicago.

No, well, it's the middle of the night, 5 o'clock in the morning.

Well, that's irrelevant.

Well, why?

I need to speak with David Ironside. I keep telling you that.

I've told you that about five times now.

He's not well at the moment.

Oh, what's the problem? Maybe we can help.

No, you can't help him. He's getting help.

okay hello shit all right i'll try them again what the fuck tell him the royal baby died

hello hello hey

all right they're not gonna come back they're leaving since david isn't well can i have a

throw with your wife all right i hung up all right there we go hung up now uh that was kind

kind of fun that was kind of fun he really yelled that second time and you heard him i think he had

an aneurysm because he's in the chat room is saying not well equals fucking fucking drunk

he's taking a nitro for that fucking heart condition yeah he's putting the pill under

his tongue right now we're working on that pint right now as we speak you know that pill is

bullshit didn't save my mom's life i put two of them under my mom's mouth and do shit for her

fucking bullshit you still had a massive heart attack the person you have here's a question so

is that nitroglycerin that the heart patients carry around because i still have my mom's little

vial from after she died can i blow that stuff up i don't think so yeah those little tabs there

my dad has some of those yeah you think i can like what will happen if i put a match on it

milkman you are a science correspondent well what the app it is is like if you go ahead and take

him now since she's been dead man your heart will blow up if you need them because anything

I just think they ain't no good.

Oh, yeah, they're probably inert.

She got some counterfeit ones.

Yeah, they actually only last maybe three to six months.

Even if you're still around, they're no good.

They wear out or become less effective.

Well, great.

So, like, my dad had a bad condition.

So, like, if it was too old, you might not give them to him because they'll probably die.

Well, now you tell me.

He wants to make a firecracker with them.

Thanks a lot.

Could have used that and used May 2012.

Anyway.

the next person in the UK you call

tell them the royal baby died

see if we can get a reaction out of it

you really have it out for that royal baby

you've been saying this for like a week now dude

I know because every time we try to put that across

fucking Nunu interrupts

he's like oh the porn filter

we gotta do the porn filter

you just want to kill the poor baby

what the fuck did that porn filter pour out man

it didn't even work

I told Nunu that's what kept him out of the chat

earlier as the fucking UK porn filter

that's all news all you gotta do is go clear your cookies and it works again that's all i know how

to do that anyone hates the royal baby for some reason he's just jealous you can have new new

country tell us that the uk has better teeth than america what's wrong ken you think hello yeah yeah

listen buddy do you think the royal baby is gonna have nice handsome ears or is it gonna wrong number

buddy no this is david buddy you got the wrong number hey i'm not your buddy asshole i'm calling

What are you calling for?

I'm calling because I wanted to ask you a question.

Do you think the royal baby is going to have nice, handsome ears?

Where are you calling from?

From the United States.

Well, you're in England, and we're very early in the morning,

so we don't want to talk to you.

Oh, but I want to talk to you, please.

But you don't want to.

We'll just cut you off.

You're just wasting your time.

Will you be my friend?

No, no, no.

Go away.

Please.

Go away.

Where?

Where do you want me to go?

Okay.

All right.

You saved your ass.

He really didn't want to hang up.

I think he wanted to stay on and be friends.

I think his wife made him hang out.

They keep forgetting we saved their ass in World War II.

Seriously.

Hey, is this the same guy?

I love the background calls, man.

You've got to be real quiet.

Those are worth a goal.

I told you the wife was on him.

You heard him?

She's like, don't pick up that phone anymore.

In the chat, Tabachi's reporting it took him two hours to get to the chat tonight.

That was fantastic.

That's awesome, man.

I got in about an hour after the show started

and I got right in

it's like the newest ride

at Disney World man it's always like a

two hour line

I fucking jumped on like I got online

I'm like 40 minutes before show time

and I go to log in it's like fuck you

the chat's fucking full and I'm like you motherfuckers

yeah sorry I'm working on it

working on it okay

thank you it's a good thing dude

I no longer consider it Carlitos fault

Porchmuck I'm still looking for your

request a prank there, you porch monkey.

You ain't running too many clones, that's the problem.

Yep. Hello? Hey, boy,

how are you? Who is it?

Is that David? This is Sappho.

David who? David Sappho.

No, you've got the wrong number.

This is the second time

you've rung me. You take it easy, young

man. Now, I'm looking for David.

No, no, no, no. Don't tell me

to take it easy. You're waking me up

four o'clock in the morning. David Polden.

Nobody talking some bollocks here on the

phone when I'm talking to you. Who are you?

I told you, my name is, what was my name again?

I forgot.

Sappho.

My name is Sappho.

Yeah, that's it.

And where are you?

I'm in Chicago, Illinois.

We're having the computer system, phone machines.

Yeah?

Yeah.

And I was just calling.

We wanted to ask you,

do you think the royal baby is going to be a handsome baby or an ugly baby?

I'll see you later.

Don't talk silly.

No, you won't see me.

Go to bed.

Go fuck yourself.

Go to bed.

Have a cup of tea and go to bed.

Oh, could you go pork your wife and let us hear?

Yeah, we want to hear.

Yeah, we want to hear you have porking your wife, you know, sexing your wife.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can you still do that?

You can take Viagra for that, my good sir.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cialis is way better because it allows longer.

Oh, yeah, Cialis.

Oh, yeah.

Welcome to BG Answer 157.

You take some ecstasy, you pop some molly, and you take a, whatchamacallit, a Cialis.

Yeah.

And then an Ambien.

Cialis was developed here in Seattle.

Holy shit, by the Cialis Corporation?

Welcome to BG Answer 157.

The company that develops Cialis is out of business now.

They got bought out by somebody else and shut down, but they were in Seattle.

You can't spell Seattle without C-A-L-E.

There you go.

Something like that.

All right, David Rain or Ryan, Rain, Reen, Reen, Reen.

I've had too much whiskey to spell anything right now.

What kind of whiskey are you having there, old chicken?

I'm actually drinking Woodford Reserve.

You ever heard of that?

Nope, sounds like shit.

No, it's actually a small distillery.

Is it a single malt?

It's a Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey.

Ah, white people whiskey.

Yeah, I got you.

Fucking redneck whiskey.

It's good.

You're going to have Canadian blended whiskey.

Oh, that's good, too.

Nothing H.

Hello?

Hey, listen, this is David Reen.

I need to talk to you, please.

Well, say that again.

I need to speak to David Reen now, woman.

I don't know who that is, David.

I don't know who that is.

Hello?

Hey, you don't have any Scotland numbers, do you?

Scootland, maybe.

Fuck, we could call them in.

We had them in Glasgow a long time ago.

I want a B-rate Scotch whiskey.

Oh, boy.

Who's got better whiskey,

Canadia, Scotlandia?

I don't like Scotch.

Hey, what's your favorite whiskey?

You like Beefland?

We could go to hell, please.

Beefeaters, yeah.

No, this is a survey.

Beefeaters.

That's not whiskey.

Beefarts.

Isn't that gin?

Beefeaters is gin.

It's gin, man.

Gin, yeah.

That's fucking real alcoholic shit.

I'm way off, beef eaters.

Yeah, it's the alcohol.

What the fuck's that about?

You know, the Scotch whiskey's got that peaty flavor that I just can't get past that.

Seriously, dude?

Really?

Well, they filter it through a peat.

Oh, peat.

You down with the peat?

I'm not down with the peat.

How about you, Milkman?

Oh, shit, guys.

Wow.

I'll never make a rattle in a shoe anymore.

Man, I'm trying to think.

What's this whiskey I had?

There's a Caribbean blend of it, and it's so good.

It's called Caribbean Cask

It's a big

No it's Balvenie

That's what it is

I think it was like a 13 or 14 year old

Single malt

And it's called

It's a special edition Caribbean Cask

They use like this Caribbean wood I guess

Wood from the Caribbean

For the cask

It has like this raisiny

Kind of

It tastes like Christmas time man

It's fucking awesome

Awesome. It's like $80 for a bottle, but I bought one last year as a gift for my father-in-law.

I haven't had a chance to drink it yet, but he said it's really good.

I'm looking forward to trying it. I've heard good reviews.

Yeah, man. Raisiny.

When you were having some whiskey in your webcam a couple months ago, what do you drink?

Usually, I don't. I mean, for myself here at home, I don't get too fancy.

But for a while there on your webcam, you had a bottle of whiskey.

ski yeah just black label you know okay yeah i don't johnny walker yeah johnny walker black yeah

i had got it last holidays i had johnny walker blue at a social event i went to they there was

a blue label and i'll tell you to be honest with you for the jump in price i think i explained this

in for the jump in price uh it wasn't wasn't worth it i would rather for the money you'd spend

on a bottle of uh black label i'd rather stick to that and get something nicer what was it for a

a bottle of black label where you're at black label dude oh man i don't know maybe like 30 40

bucks i don't know i usually don't pay attention much when i get that blue label like top of the

line was about like 200 bucks or some shit it's like oh hell yeah it's like 100 high hundreds

like 160 i think yeah it's expensive as fuck but it's supposed to be smooth so you didn't feel any

smoother huh it was it was smoother yeah it was smoother i'll give you that but but it wasn't

$200 smoother. It wasn't $200

smoother. No, it didn't blow my mind.

I drank them next to... I literally

drank, you know, one glass of one

in one hand and one in the other, and

literally, like... It's not even a single malt,

you know? It's still a blended scotch,

dude, you know? I don't get it.

Well, this Woodford Reserve I'm

drinking, it's a Kentucky bourbon.

It's got a label on it from the distiller with

a signature on it.

It's pretty fucking smooth for a Kentucky

straight bourbon. Nice. I think

I think I'm going to have a Guinness tomorrow.

Good.

No, I'm not having all this talk.

I'm going to go out and have a Guinness.

Voila.

Sweet.

Yeah.

Guinness is awesome.

Yeah.

Or Milkman, you like Newcastle Ale.

I don't think I've ever had one of those.

Maybe I'll do that.

Those are good, man.

The brown ale.

Oh, they are good.

They got these like special brands.

They're really, really, dude, they're higher in alcohol and they got like a nice flavor.

Okay.

Put the nut, nut brown ale.

Nut brown ale.

Something like that.

Yeah, they put corn in it.

Yeah.

Ooh, corn.

They got corn and wheat.

they got like two or three fucking things in that shit but it's good you should ask this

yeah he might know this is david also

david smell who's speaking oh this is eddie i'm calling uh this is eddie i'm calling from

the machine i need to talk to him it's immediate it's for men you know only men

men's ears only you know of what it's private it's like sex stories and stuff that he no thank

Thank you.

It's sexual.

Come on.

It's sexual.

Yeah, you don't know how sexual it is.

It's sexual.

She wasn't down with the sex story.

I'll stop doing it.

It's about vaginas.

I'm about to wriggle a little right up, shriveled like a baseball man, laying in the sun for

two years.

Hello?

Yes.

Hello?

Is that David?

Who's speaking?

Oh, this is Eddie.

David told me to call him.

I was going to tell him about kissing girls.

I don't think so.

Go away.

Beautiful breasts on a girl, you know?

You know what I mean?

i want to fuck her bad teeth it sounds hot grab her by her big floppy ears and she's got a big

pair of floppers on it grab her fucking ears big floppers yeah that's that's the line i came up

with at some point that cracked me up big floppers i want to play i want to play with her

you have some chicken she has big floppers yeah nice pair of flopper tits that's my version of

Yeah, hey, I understand Brian is here, Brian Hurst.

Who's speaking?

Oh, well, listen, my wife is named Big Booty Brenda,

and Brian's been talking to her and giving her money, and I want to know why.

I haven't got a clue who you're talking about.

Brian Hurst, your husband?

Yeah, but Brenda, we don't know a Brenda.

Well, I know a Brenda.

She's my wife, and Brian has been giving her money and talking, saying sex stories to her and everything.

How do you know my number?

How do you know my name?

How do you know it's us?

Because Big Booty Brenda said that it's Brian Hurst that she's been having an affair with and gave this number and said that you would pick up your little wife and gave your address and everything.

That's a lie.

No.

No, he's having sex with Big Booty Brenda and everything.

They're having phone sex.

They talk to each other on the phone, and they touch each other.

touch themselves he's in hospital at the moment no idea yeah well that's he uh he's a heart patient

right he's got a heart problem what's he got is his penis never had a problem in his life

uh does he have a wife problem a stupid wife his wife thank you very much and you don't mind your

own business i'm his wife thank you very much uh yeah i was talking about you bitch

That was the point

Yeah exactly

Big booty Brenda

She's a fucking legend

Big booty Brenda

Where's Tristan been man

I haven't heard or seen from Tristan

It seems like forever

He's been on Skype now

I haven't been able to call into

The Brent show for a while

But I've seen him logged on to Skype

Recently

It's about time for a new Brent show

It's been like two weeks at least

Yeah, probably Saturday.

He's been out of town.

Did you get downloaded to do your own show?

Not yet.

I'm on vacation right now.

Hello.

Your call cannot be taken at the moment.

Hello.

Okay.

No, I messaged Cobra last Saturday if there was going to be a Brent show,

and he messaged me back and said Asad is out of town right now.

Wow, Asad.

Yeah, I talked to Brent.

Sorry, Cobra.

I'm still on vacation in Alaska.

Oh, that's true.

True, yeah. I did talk to Brent last week.

He was in Alaska. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was going to try to join me for last

week's daytime show, but it didn't work

out with his vacation schedule. He was too

busy eating, you know, at a buffet

somewhere in Alaska. I told him to get

his fucking priorities straight.

Right? Family.

Sexy wife. I'm just guessing

his wife is sexy. She sounds pretty hot.

That's rude to say. I'm sorry, but...

Quality time with your kids.

Who is that? Hello? Hey, how are you?

Who is that? Oh, this is Eddie.

Eddie, look, my son, I used to wrestle, and I taught him how to wrestle,

and I don't like spending time with him.

I just take him to wrestling meets and kick him in the ass.

Sorry, Ken.

Don't have.

So you used to wrestle, Ken, huh?

Back in the day.

Yeah, chicken wing.

Played football, too, right?

Mm-hmm.

I wrestled my freshman year only.

I didn't really like it.

It was all right.

I wrestled when I was, like, sad all the way through high school.

I lettered.

I lettered in wrestling.

I lettered.

Oh, yeah, asshole.

I was all sweet in wrestling.

So keep my ass.

I wrestled freshman year of high school,

and then I played football two years.

Yeah.

I didn't do anything my senior year.

Senior year, I was like, fuck, I want to do shit.

Fuck this.

I played one year of college football,

and I wrestled all the way through high school.

You played college football, dude?

I did.

Holy shit, man.

Wow.

You should be a football coach.

Not like I was any good, though.

I only played for a fucking Division III school.

Well, still, community college, that's all right.

Like I said, a fucking college ball is cool.

Yeah, man, that's cool.

You should get season tickets.

You'll be like, oh, I used to be here.

Yeah, tickets to our game cost about three bucks.

What were you, a defensive lineman?

Defensive tackle.

Hey, man, really?

For real?

Defense made me two, man.

What's up, brother?

D-line, man.

What's up, nigga?

What's up?

Hey, Brian.

Hey.

Hey, me and Ken just figured out

we used to play defensive tackle you know we're both football players football is awesome dude

it's so cool american football oh seriously i played defense fucking sucks oh the coach told

me all you got to do is you see the guy with the ball tackle him it's like all right cool man

got it i went i went into one game and it was fucking crazy they made me play defensive tackle

defensive and and fucking linebacker all in one game what the fuck i was like dude i weighed

Fucking like 230 pounds

I was like

I'm not a fucking linebacker

Yeah

Wow man

That's something

So what did you play Carlito?

I was a defensive tackle

Tackle

Defensive tackle

Yeah

That's what I said

I was the center

And the nose guard

Nice

Nose guard

Yeah

I used to

I would feel

I was fast

I was a nose guard

Well we had certain plays

That we had a nose guard

Usually we didn't

Utilize the nose guard position

Oh the best was when

Cause I didn't play offense

But when we needed

Short yardage

they'd bring me back to fullback

to fucking lead block.

We would bring the extra tackles

like defensive tackles in

and we'd bring two of them and we'd fucking lead block

from the small fucking running back.

Speaking of

prank calls, when I was in high school, I got in trouble

because, alright, you remember the jerky boys

they would always go right

you know what I mean? They would go right.

So, Ken, you could probably

relate, like when you're a defensive lineman

you go up and sometimes you gotta call

left, left, or right, right, you know what I mean?

you know so we'd be up there and we're calling like left you know and they go right like every

time like they're like shut the fuck up you know and the coach fired because speaking of the jerky

boys what's that call with johnny brenna called up he was like a recruiter remember that he's

trying to get that dude the guy that's what big hawk that's big hawk man big cock big cock no big

hawk that too though that too though that too well that he's like i'm gonna go through walls

I can't believe this prank shit, how much we're outnumbered when we start talking about sports.

They're like, fuck you, this isn't a sports show and shit.

It's like, oh, Jesus.

Nunu is saying now this is prank show, not fat sports show.

Wow, dude, really?

Okay, all right, man.

Well, I'm sorry, this is American prank show, not people with bad teeth prank show.

Well, guess what?

I got info on Nunu.

I got info on Nunu, and he rollerblades, guys, I found out.

I might even have a picture

of new, new rollerblading.

He probably wears those fucking biker

compression shoes and shit, too.

Is he a roller with a chin?

Yeah, no.

Chin is a rollerblade.

He bikes.

It's archery.

It used to be biking, I used to say.

Now it's archery.

He's an archer.

Yeah, he is an archer, though.

Really shitty archer,

but he's an archer, all right.

We need to call Harlan

and talk to his ass.

Where's Chin been?

We haven't heard from him for quite a while.

He's busy.

He's training up, man.

He's trying to make it to Rio.

I told you guys he's going to be gone for a while.

Oh, yeah, he's been back.

He's been back heavy duty archery training.

Like crazy.

He's doing, like, all this, like, water training and stuff.

Fucking nuts for his arms.

Shooting arrows into the water.

Yeah, he's got the biofeedback system running.

Yeah.

And he's been, you know.

He's been putting on Facebook.

He's got, like, this chamber they put him in, and it's full of water,

and they measure the displacement and all this stuff.

I don't know.

So he shoots the arrows in the tank underwater.

He's fucking having sex with underage girls while shooting fucking bow and arrow.

Oh, man.

That's not true.

He never did that.

Not in the UK laws, you know?

Not in UK laws.

She was legal age.

This is a guy, a daughter moving in an apartment.

She has three little boys.

She, what?

I got snappy.

Oh.

Roy, Roy rollerblades in.

It's fun.

Yeah.

Wheels on his feet.

Mm-hmm.

Your call has been forwarded to an audit.

It might be too late for those calls.

They're to the swap shop stuff.

Those people aren't going to answer.

We're out of lonesome numbers.

Let me do a quick roundup, see if I can find that number,

request a prank that was sent in by, who was it that kept telling me to do mine?

Porch Monkey.

I'm going to take another look.

It didn't jump out at me.

I'm going to take another gander here.

Give me a second, Porch.

This time of year really gets me excited because I know we're just inching

closer and closer to calling Ernie again.

Thanksgiving.

Yeah, you've got to just save that number for Thanksgiving only.

Yeah, man.

man. It's Thanksgiving. It's become

quite a tradition now for all of us, right? We have

our Thanksgiving dinner. We take a nap.

It's a great show. Watch football and then we

stay on for hours.

You're territorially

harassing me.

Terror. This is...

What did he say? Terror? He said you were

territorial. No, it was

terrorism.

I mean, with my dad listening,

it's like a family tradition

now. There you go.

You know where I've worked for the past three

Three fucking years.

All right.

Here's a guy.

Hank sends in a number for a gentleman in Waco, Texas,

home of the Branch Davidians.

This guy wants a PS3 for his computer machine.

Try to haggle with him, and when he refuses,

start insulting his computer and insulting him.

Good idea.

Again, this guy will trade a desktop for a PS3.

It has a tuner card, ATI video card, 24-inch LCD monitor.

Oh, the monitor, too, huh?

Wow.

too many penises on that computer i'm sorry i'm gonna yeah let's ask him you guys want to do this

one of you guys want to do this one okay repeat that again i'm sorry how about i how about i just

give the link to the uh yeah craigslist here for a second i have no problem taking it there you go

uh click on that tell me once you've digested that please baz do you really want to take back

what you just said you have no problem taking it i have no problem taking it it sounds like an orgy

Oh, yeah, I'll take it.

I've been drinking.

Poppers, motherfuckers.

What the fuck?

Totally, Ken, he'll take it.

He's the bottom.

I've got no shame.

Ken, you can get it.

We've got Baz over here.

Popper.

King Popper juice.

Sir Popper.

Look, man, what are poppers made of?

Amyl nitrate?

What is it?

Amyl nitrate and butyl nitrate.

Yeah.

What's sodium pentothal?

What's that, then?

Oh, that's truth serum.

That's supposedly truth serum, but it's a real, real, real heavy downer.

Oh, man.

Yeah, they gave that to me back when I was 18 for my wisdom teeth.

Ooh.

Yeah?

Wow.

Knocks you out.

Nice.

Very good.

I don't know who it was, but they brought that poppers guy up into fucking chat the other day.

They're like, we need to call him back.

I don't even remember.

I'm ready whenever you are.

Here we go.

Are you talking about that guy that was watching the brother and sister about the fucking poppers and shit, too?

I don't remember how to get his number.

I'm going to trade my Windows 3 desktop.

What's Win 98?

Is that an old one?

Hey, I'm calling about your Craigslist ad

Trading a desktop for PS3

Yeah, so you want a PS3, is that right?

Yeah

Yeah, I've got a Win 3

Do you want it?

State of the art, dude

No, no, I can't call in the morning

I can only call now, I work in the morning

He didn't sound too goddamn excited

Oh, yeah

Let me call him back, I don't think he's going to pick up

Do you want to talk to him?

I'll try, but I don't think he'll pick up

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging

a win three ps3 that's oh yeah that's a get into a bunch of nerds like that's the processor

series three oh wrong thing okay that was hank's number i'm still looking for a porch monkey here

nothing there nothing there no that's just hank any numbers for anything no i'm gonna wrap it up

dude it's one been on for long enough if you ask me i've been on for long then this becomes a whole

pain to edit if it's too long that's i don't know yeah i know debbie downer here but yeah i'm gonna

I got shit to do tomorrow

Saffy

Got any UK numbers left?

We did them all man

We ran through them all

Alright I'm gonna type in porch monkey

I'm gonna type in porch

See if that comes up with anything

Nope nothing

Porch monkey I don't know what to tell you man

Can't see your request to prank

Um yeah

We'll get to it next week

Send it again

Sorry bro

Alright I'm wrapping it up

I know kind of early

That's cool

I'm fucking happy

I caught a salmon today

I had a UK dude tell me to fuck off

Nice

You're going to smoke that salmon, man

Make some jerky out of it

Have fun with that

Fuck yeah

Oh yeah, man

See you later, Baz

You're out of here

I'm ass

Big Ken

Easy

Bye, man

See ya

Hey, Milkman

You're out of here, too

Take us out of here, Milkman

All right, man

Oh, okay

We out of here?

Yeah

All right

Well, here you go

Another fun-filled installment

of my channel

Please be right here

Over the internet

That's right

Madhouse

Maybe

Like to thank

our special, special friend there

Turn the numbers hit, man

And all this held high.

So what's it over that, man?

I'd like to thank everybody that stopped in tonight.

We had quite a little cadre of characters that showed up in here.

And we'll see.

We had Mr. Bastard and Mr. Canners and whoever else managed to come in there.

And we had a few people there pop in from overseas.

And I'm sure they enjoyed all the fun.

Because that's what we do every week.

We have a lot of fun right here.

The most interactive show you can find right here on the Internet every week, every Thursday.

That's right.

Tune your ear balls in right here.

Here's the best place to be.

Be excited and ask that you give it some time.

If you want to drop some time, bring your friends, bring your enemies better yet,

because they are welcome here, and they all must do that.

I'm a leader, saving lives one crazy call at a time, my brother.

That's it.

Yeah, that's what I'm doing.

That's it.

Thanks to everyone who sent in a request, everyone who tuned in.

Thanks for bearing with the chat room, and be sure to go to madhouselife.com.

Thanks to everyone who lets us broadcast on the networks,

including RBCP and the Live Prank Call Radio Network,

and Ted Webb and Blue Planet Prank Call Radio Network machine.

We will catch you here next week.

Thank you.

Have a good weekend.

Bye.

Hey, Mano.

What?

Hey, hey, give us a catch.

What?

Who?

The show.

After the show?

Okay.

After the show.

We will call Milkman Bro.

Bro, then he'll have phone sex with me.

This message is from a calling from a restaurant.

You called the restaurant a couple of times last night,

didn't place an order and talked to two of my servers.

I just wanted to let you know in the future we will not be filling any orders for you.

We exercise our right to refuse service to you.

The conversations that you had were inappropriate with the servers.

If you call back, again, I will give this phone number to our local police office and

report you for harassment.

So please do not call our establishment again.

Thank you.

Calls (28, 1 h 24 min of 2 h 29 min)

Transcript

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