God Thank Bless

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

And you've got to thank God for God.

You've got to thank blessing.

Thank bless for God.

God thanks bless.

Yeah, you're just hilarious.

And true.

98.6.

No.

Yay.

Hey, guys.

Thank you for joining me today on another Tuesday afternoon edition of the Madhouse Radio Live Show.

Thank you very much.

i am carlito the website is madhouse live.com where you can join us in the chat room subscribe

to the podcast check out various things that are there thank you off my back all right i don't i

did not buy the newspaper this week so in lieu of doing newspaper calls as i do every tuesday uh

late morning early afternoon here is uh i just got some stuff that vincent from various people

mpsa cobra sent some jobless things that he ran across they are older they're from last week but

we can try them still some of them might be good and various other numbers that i've got here

dialer will be joining us at the top of the hour and he has some ideas as well as some numbers his

hetero life mate uh bobby will be joining us as well hopefully he has expressed interest and i

I have extended the offer.

All right.

Yes, Dialog confirming he has a lot of numbers, what he calls mad numbers.

I get it.

Here's the first one, guys.

This is going to be a, what is it, a coffee place, I think?

That's my best guess, is the same bean as a coffee place, but it has beans, right?

Baby, baby, bean.

All right, so we'll try to give them a call then.

Might have dialed the wrong number.

Mount Vernon School District.

Hey, how you doing?

It's good.

Yeah, you have a, you've got like a maintenance position there, you know.

Is that still open, the maintenance one?

No, it's not.

Did you give it to a Mexican or something?

You know, I don't know.

Oh, oh, you're a white person, right?

No, actually I'm not.

Oh, you're not?

But I can, no.

I can transfer to human resources if you'd like and they can tell you what, if somebody's been hired or not.

Oh, does that person, will they be a white or a black?

You know, I don't know.

I don't know.

Let me chat to you, okay?

Just a moment.

Oh, hey, what were you?

What are you?

I'm sorry.

I'm not, I don't feel comfortable answering that question.

Just a moment.

Are you Hispanic?

Do you consider yourself Hispanic?

Just a moment.

Are you white Hispanic?

White Hispanic.

That's what I am, is white Hispanic.

Hi, you've reached Grace Arnold in the classified personnel office of the...

white hispanic okay well here this is the sentient being this is the right one i had already copied

that number my bad but here we go yeah hey i saw that these beans here that you got are good for

your heart do you have that one do you have that one that dr oz is talking about that is good for

your heart oh just one second let me check on that okay no we don't have the kind that dr oz

was talking about that the one he said the very good for your heart your vascular system it said

it's very good for the heart that the more of them you have the more gas you pass and the better you

feel and he said to have these beans with every meal he said yeah there it's also they also call

it the magical fruit in africa apparently they were saying there was there was a magical fruit

There you go.

Beans, beans, the magical fart.

What are good for your heart?

Or magical fruit.

One of my favorite poems.

It's very deep.

Hey, sister, how are you?

Good.

What can I do for you?

Yeah, I was concerned.

Now, I'm here at the urinal, and I can smell the coffee that I drank earlier this morning.

Is that normal?

Hello?

All right, let's do some more pranks.

Let's do it.

Yeah.

Now, if we could only fix the problem with the copy-pasting the numbers with Skype,

we'd be in a really good position here.

Here's Big Swordfish.

Again, these Monday shows, I'm, like, really silly.

I have a beer or two when I get home from work.

I get home from work around 8.30 in the morning.

I have a beer or two.

I listen to some old prank calls.

I get in the mood, and I come on, usually with a newspaper, calling the classifieds.

Today, just, uh...

You have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.

Looks like that restaurant Big Swordfish is out of business.

It's the kind of economy we live in.

Anyway, what I'm getting at, this is, I just, I take it easy.

I take it easy, you know what I mean?

Here's the American Legion.

What is the American Legion, anyway?

I just know it's a fraternity group of some kind of people.

I wonder if they're involved with the Naughty.

Let's find out, guys.

Yeah.

American Legion, this is Dan.

Hey, so the American Legion is like a fraternity of men, like-minded American citizens, or what is it exactly?

It is basically a social organization for former military.

So I have to be former military and a straight man and all that to be in it, and white race, Christian?

Nope, you just have to be active or former military.

all right so hey now i understand all right like you all your groups you have some evil stuff right

like the american legion is involved with the illuminati and all that why is this so loud there

pardon me why is it so loud what do you mean loud there's all this noise like a train's going by

what is that noise where you are i have a fan on but that's about it can you turn that fan

down for a little bit it's really not making that much noise your connection is really bad sir

anyway god listen it sounds like you're calling the mcdonald's or something like in the where

the friars are i i have a good connection on this end if you want to try calling me right back maybe

there's a bad connection listen are you guys involved with the illuminati and bohemian grove

and stuff like that because that's what i'm interested in i'm not aware of any connection

Do I have to take a blood oath to join the American Legion?

Can you tell me the secret about the book, the book of the American Legion?

Can you tell me, like, your plans for world domination?

What are they?

Sir, we're simply an organization that honors ex-military.

Yeah, I know you're supposed to say that, but you have to, you know,

you guys have an agenda and all that,

and you're trying to influence politics and world governments and stuff?

Maybe that's a question better left to our national organization, if you'd like to call them.

What's the leader called?

Is he called, like, the Grand Wizard and stuff?

And he wears a special robe?

No, we don't have that kind of stuff here.

Does the American Legion have any windows in the buildings?

Yes, we do.

Oh, that, okay.

That's, that, so you guys are, yeah.

You know what I'm talking about?

You know, the Freemasons, they do all this bad stuff?

They have, like, secret agents and all this, man?

We are not an organization like that.

Oh, were you interested?

And maybe I can have you come down to Freemasons with me.

I want to infiltrate the free fucking Masons.

Good morning.

All right.

Good.

Be quiet.

Sir, are you there?

Mr. American Legion.

I am.

All right.

Listen, you know, for the American people, you know, as a former serviceman, you and

me, we joined together, right?

And we'll go undercover, and we'll get into the Freemasons.

Sure, if there's anything I can assist you with related to the American Legion,

I'm more than happy to, but otherwise, I do have a busy day.

You know that episode of Star Trek, Deep Space Nine,

when there was an evil organization in the Federation called Section 31?

Sure, I'm going to have to go now.

Are you involved with Section 31?

He's involved.

Dunya, hey, what's up, big Bobby?

Hey, Bobby.

Hey.

hey what are you doing what's happening what are you are you driving

oh cool man cool all right you sit down are you driving or what are you doing man

yeah yeah i'm driving but that's okay you're like milkman driving around all right

okay all right uh we got a job here for residential residential painters with a

a minimum of five years of exp all right you have to have transportation and valid driver's license

everybody i'm gonna do this bobby if you want to do a prank you holler at me and i'll give you one

all right whatever you want i'll uh whatever you want man that's what i try to do here's a

here's what i'll try for the for the now oh god oh god i'm going down like that and that number

is busy hey can you do something about your noise bobby it's really bad what kind of noise do you

hear i hear road noise uh probably my air conditioner and wind noise i just turned it

down i don't know if you can hear it still i'm not at the moment we'll see you probably hear

the truck also oh yeah you got a truck yeah you gotta get i'm almost where i'm going i'm only

like five minutes away there's this blue i'm you i'm you didn't tell that yeah i'm you there's

Okay, fine, whatever.

There's this Bluetooth headset that a lot of truckers use.

You know the one I'm talking about?

It's like a hundred-something bucks or something.

Yeah, I have one, but you can't use it on Skype.

Oh, really? That sucks.

Yep, you can only use it during regular phone calls.

What the fuck?

I wonder if there's a way around that.

That's crazy.

Yeah, what's that called?

I don't know.

I've heard about it, and I've heard really good things of it,

but it's expensive as all fuck.

it's a mixture i mean these things shake rattle and roll man when you're driving them

so it's like you get a mixture of all the you know the whole cab noise and then

the air conditioner because it's 95 degrees here today so i couldn't do that man i don't know how

you do that that's that's a scary ass job i was so scared man all those people people all pissed

off i'm cutting you off and shit oh man nobody nobody has respect for truck drivers i mean

I mean, especially where I live, nobody has any respect.

They just, you know, cut me off and whatever.

Yeah.

Did you say that at least once a week you see a woman playing with herself on the highway?

Was that accurate?

Yeah, I do that too, you know.

Wow.

That's crazy.

So women do it that often when they're driving around that you see it on average once a week?

You know, probably, I swear, probably at least once a week.

You'd be surprised.

Just be driving along, you know, minding your own business.

And as you look down, it's like, what the hell?

I didn't know that was a thing.

And actually, it's pretty good, though, because they'll speak up and take off.

Yeah, because they realize you're sitting over them looking, and they're like, okay, got to go.

Yeah, good times, man, good times.

This number continues to be busy, these natural foods.

Damn it, man.

All right, we're going to call this floor.

We're going to call the floor covering company that's down the street.

Oh, we do this high up.

Okay.

What?

Okay, yeah.

Anyway, floor covering, guys.

floor covering yeah this is four people how are you fine how are you good hey honey baby you know

if you keep going down street you know there's that natural foods place pat like around where

the american legion is okay i keep calling him the phone is busy and it's a important emergency

sorry i can't help it well hey wow what a bitch i'm gonna tell her she's a bitch

bitch you're a real bitch for doing that you know you couldn't even just let me explain what

was happening i'm sorry i don't even know who you're talking to i'm talking to you now asshole

bitch why did you excuse me excuse me in your language i did not answer the phone a while ago

labia i don't even know who you were talking to labia vaginal opening secretions

um take us off your list ejaculation take us off your list yeah yeah she's on it

that was a that was a sales call lady yeah take us off your list all right we'll take you off

our prank call list fair enough all right sorry ladies out there listening i just got upset

because she was bitch you heard she was bitch even bobby said bitch there trinity foundation

Foundation missionary, whatever the hell that means.

That sounds like a bullshit created in order to get around taxes.

What do you think there, Bobby?

That's what I say.

Trinity Foundation.

Sounds like a pyramid scheme.

It's a pyramid scheme.

You got to sell this shit to all your friends and family.

You need three friends.

That's all you need.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice.

Try it again.

That's going to a cell phone.

So yeah, flambusiness.

not looking bright here no answerings all right here we go you got flowers with a u the letter u

out of way because u becomes before y in the phone book motherfucker and that means shit

this time we're going hey how are you pretty loud over there huh stupid yeah yeah we're having a

big time yeah you gotta have a good time you know you get over there you sniff some flowers and you

you make a tea and it's like that's right it trips you out you got any angel trumpet an angel

point i don't angel trumpet an angel trumpet yeah i'm not sure i've got i've got the cattle

lilies or is that what you may be calling the trumpet yeah those where it comes up like a

trumpet yeah i've got those yeah you you can boil those you know and you make a tea and you drink

it you get real fucked up man oh i didn't know that i thought maybe that's what you were doing

hey i'll show you how to do it do you have like a a hot plate no but um um i don't i i don't have

how to do it but can can i help you send some flowers somewhere yeah well i need as many of

those as you can get so i i want to make a lot of this tea and sell it to my friends and family

and i'll bring you some of the tea man you drink like you take like one little cup of this tea man

and you're just like yeah chilling man it's like you don't feel any pain yeah i'm i'm finishing off

some right now man i got this buzz buzz in my body and i can't feel any pain man and i understand i

understand how you do those things with the papers now man so then you uh you want to buy

My calla lilies?

Yeah, I'm going to dry some of them and smoke them, and the rest of them I'm going to make a tea.

We've got pink, white, and yellow.

Oh, the yellows are the best ones, yeah.

Yeah, those all come in on Thursday.

Today we only have one.

Oh, I know.

The yellow ones, you drink some yellow tea from the yellow ones.

Oh, man, you go to sleep, you wake up, you've got a hard-on all day.

hey, you can fuck all you want the next day.

You got this hard-on all day, man.

And, like, you just do really good fucking.

It's good.

No, she's gone.

She's been gone.

Fucking.

She ain't coming back.

She sees the number.

She's like, ooh, uh-uh.

Okay.

Finger looking good.

Back at the...

This is the Methodist Church.

You have reached the United Methodist Church.

Or we can try different ones here.

Nah, nah, nah.

All right.

Try in the community center here.

This is a Greek community center.

Hello.

Hey, Paul.

How can I help you?

This is the Greek community center.

Yes, it is.

Hey, how are you doing?

This is Gus.

I'm fine.

God bless you.

May I help you?

God bless you.

Thank you.

God bless you.

Oh, thank you.

It took you a while to say that back.

Sometimes we need to remember.

That's the real reason we're here, you know?

That's what we're doing.

Can I help you?

For God to bless us and baby Jesus.

Jesus. Yes, I need to know how much, if you ever rent out this place, I'm looking for a good Greek place to have a Greek event that I want to host.

Just me and some like-minded couples. You know, we're going to have some furniture around. Do you rent out the place?

You're going to have some furniture?

Yeah, we're going to bring in some furniture and everything. Yep. It's a Greek event we're having.

What kind of a Greek event, sir?

uh well it's yeah you start everyone comes we just have drinks and talk and get to know each

other we're all a couple we're all either married or in long-term relationships and we're all greek

you know and we're like-minded and we talk about things and then after a while then there's there's

a punch bowl and everyone puts their keys in the punch bowl you know you know and then we all take

take out a different set of keys and that's who you sit down with for a while and then

it's a good old-fashioned greek a greek sexual kind of thing you know yeah you're just hilarious

it's uh yeah i'm just just hilarious you think she heard that one before or something she because

she saw it coming from she saw she saw it coming from far away like when i said a greek event she's

He's like, uh-huh, this guy's going to say an ancient Greek orgy.

Well, I was trying to get to that.

I just made it a key party, a Greek key party at the Greek church's community center.

You put your keys in the door.

Yeah, he's ready for that.

Yeah.

We're calling just like a one-mile square block in a downtown city on the East Coast here.

i'm looking on the map finding interesting businesses there and just giving them a call

and saying yee-haw yeah for some reason i've been trying that out whenever we call churches

during the day on these shows man they're real standoffish when i say god bless you i don't

know what's up with that like i come from like a church where like if you say that you're like

hell yeah god bless you you know you're like yeah man you too like real quick i don't know maybe

that's just the hispanic culture but you know whenever you say god bless you to someone you

you usually get that response really quick, like a hug, man, like a bro hug.

And these white people, white people are like, uh-uh.

I think this is a black church.

Hey, God bless you.

God bless you.

Oh, good, good.

Are you an African-American?

Yes, we are.

This is an African black people church, right?

Yeah.

Oh, I'm not sure about the church.

This is the learning center that you call.

Oh, so the learning center, it's an African learning center, right?

You can learn how to start a fire with sticks and all that?

This school is for every and anybody who wants to be served by your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

All right, I can learn how to start fires and sticks and learn about the wheel, right?

That's what you, so that lets me know that you're not, that you're not a Christian?

Not yet.

Oh, that's why.

But you might need to start, you need to call over to the church.

Listen.

Because this right here, you're outgrown, the learning center, so you need to call over to the church

so you can get yourself right and then the children that you bring up won't be the way

that you are today because that's what's wrong with a lot of people now but either way girl you

have a good day hello trying to get her attention there uh we lost bobby robert is gone bobby call

back i hope you didn't get in a car accident so there's my theory now the black church our

Our African-American sister over there, she was really quick.

You heard that?

Really quick.

God bless you.

You see what I mean?

At the predominantly African-American Baptist church.

Funny how I guessed that just from the name Baptist church.

Hey, so this is the learning center for the children.

Can you just please don't hang up?

Please don't hang up.

So we're supposed to call over to the church.

I don't have the church's phone number.

i don't have the phone number for the church damn it here's one that i think is a predominantly

african-american one also just by the name mount zion baptist church man okay i'm just saying

i'm sure that church the colors are a lot of purple that's what i imagine a lot of purple

and they have a pancake they got a pancake brunch every week all right giving up on mount zion here

i'm looking at this part of the town i think we're starting to get into that part of town because

here the other down the street this way there's a hand-me-downs thrift store and there's martin

and there yep is martin luther king jr boulevard yeah hey man 50 years from when he made his

beautiful i have a dream speech well i'll see yeah there you go so i found the african-american

area of town the urban cultural center of this town sure enough here's a baptist church a

different one here man a lot of churches you know a lot of churches i'm sure we'll find some liquor

stores here in this zone we can stick to this area this might be fun see if we find the liquor

stores are going to start coming up now you know in the pawn shop good afternoon hey how are you

All right. How are you? God bless you. God bless you. God bless you, too. Oh, amen. Thank you. And how God bless everyone today. God bless the pastor over there. God bless the church in the building fund. And God bless you specifically. Thank you.

And God bless the telephones that we're talking on right now,

because if not, I don't know how I'd be able to talk to you.

Sure.

Yeah, and God bless construction and the houses

so that we can be sitting where we are now at a desk or at my coffee table

and calling, being able to talk to each other.

God bless.

Thanks to God for that also.

And thanks, God, for wood, you know, to build the houses and all that.

Thanks, God, for that.

And thanks to God for the glass that goes in the windows so we can be protected.

Yes, God, for that, too.

Thank God for that, too.

And how is everybody down there?

God bless that.

God bless being blessed, you know.

Thank God for being blessed.

Yes.

And you've got to thank God for God.

You've got to thank blessing.

Thank bless for God.

God thanks bless.

Yes.

God thank bless.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Bye.

All right.

Cool.

Nonsense conversation there.

None of them are mean.

That's got to be a fun church to go to.

I bet you they get all into the music and the sermon.

You feel the Lord when you work.

God bless you all, everybody.

Let's call the thrift store and ask them what that smell of pee is about.

I'm going to tell them it smells like piss.

All those thrift stores always smell like piss.

I'm convinced everyone pisses on their clothes before they donate them to the thrift store.

God, every time you go into those damn thrift stores, it smells like piss.

Let's see.

There's a lot of churches here, a lot of Baptist churches.

I'm looking here.

Here's the Economic Opportunity Authority for the county.

the economic opportunity authority what kind of bullshit is that that sounds like a bullshit place

how many people are working to that piece of shit that's stupid party's extension you may

dial it at any time the head start administration housing services energy services to

our general mailbox.

He sounds like he weighs fire and a pound.

Answering call.

Please hold.

He sounds like he has 20 chins.

That guy.

20 chins on that guy we just heard.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Good morning.

How can I help you?

Hey, how you doing there, boy?

I beg your pardon?

Hey.

God bless you.

you i was calling about the this this is now economic opportunity authority is that right

or what yes sir and is this through the government or what is this hold on one minute okay sir why

hold on one minute okay sir but why first yeah but if you tell me why yeah because i got somebody

on the other line oh okay right now okay this is taking so long it's a bullshit here's eugene

Gene Priester. I don't know if that's a guy or a business. It's on MLK Boulevard. Here we go.

It's Gene. Thank you for holding it. What were you at concern? Oh, hey, honey, baby. How are you?

God bless you. Hello. God bless you. God bless you, too. Thank you, honey. All right. Yeah,

I was just asking because this is like, I saw this and these people were like, yeah,

Yeah, they're going to investigate this equal, what is it called?

Equal Opportunity Employment Machine.

So what we call it, Economic Opportunity Authority.

So what do you do?

You're like, what do you do?

You create economic opportunities?

What do you approve?

We are a community action agency.

Well, what does that mean?

What's action?

What action?

We are a community action agency in Savannah, Georgia, sir.

We have different departments to help people out in the community.

But what do you do?

What departments?

What do they do?

What department are you looking for so I can let you know?

I don't know.

You tell me, like, what are the popular ones?

You don't know?

What kind of service are you looking for?

Well, it's equal.

I want to put some money in my pocket.

Oh, okay.

Well, we can't help you.

Well, you said equal.

Equal.

What is it?

Economic opportunity.

Authority for Chatham County, Savannah area.

Okay.

so there you go i need how can i save some money something we can't we don't do that we can't put

no money in your pocket well but i mean i don't mean literally god i mean you know figuratively

do you even know what that means what is it that you're looking for sir i can you tell me

one component of the organization you're employed for how you money make early head start we have

We have an early head start department where they keep kids as early as six weeks.

For the babies, right?

And then for the little kids up until kindergarten, right?

Yes.

And if you meet certain economic criteria.

And it was started by John F. Kennedy, John Fitzgerald Kennedy.

Yeah.

I know about.

What else?

What else you got?

Do you guys.

What about the water machines?

We don't do that.

you don't help out with my water bill machine if i need money no no sir groceries gas no no sir

can you can i get some samples of insulin like samples of medicine we don't do that you probably

would need to call the curtis v cooper center wow that'd be awesome if there was just one place that

did both of those kind of things to help people out yep it would be yeah then you could you want

to have a job be pretty funny you'd be calling instead of answering the phone how you money

honey make or like you call him no i have job oh okay yeah okay i'm an airline pilot oh okay

wow it's my day off i get to drink your mama oh i believe that man i believe that that's for sure

and i went to the dentist today and i got the i got the gas you know i got some anesthesia

so i'm gonna i i got some some happy juice they said here we're gonna give you some happy juice

Just go pull your tooth, they said.

Yeah.

Is there anything else we can help you with, sir?

Hey, boy, how you doing there, buddy?

How you doing, my boy?

All right, then.

All right.

We'll catch you later.

What else you got that I can get?

Man, seriously, what's up with government jobs that are a waste?

She can't even tell me.

I had to pry it out of her to say, she's like, asshole, you're trying to ruin our thing here.

We got jobs and we don't really need them.

My mom had a job like that, guys.

I'm not talking shit about it.

People make a living out of it.

But it shows an efficiency in municipal government levels in the United States.

And now that's part of the problem, too.

We like to point the finger at the federal government and even sometimes the state level

government.

But let's also look at the municipal governments and their burden on the system as a whole.

That's an example of it also.

So that contributes also.

And I don't think I don't think enough importance gets put on that in the United States when it comes to, you know, economic policy and economic theory.

Thank you.

Off of my soapbox.

All right.

We got a body shop here.

Well, let's try to call that Eugene.

Hang on.

I was in the process of calling him and she came back to the phone.

A number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.

You got to pay your bills, Eugene.

Pay your bills.

Here's a market in the same neighborhood, Korean maybe, just a guess.

Let's try to find out.

My guess is this is a Korean market or maybe like Vietnamese.

Maybe they have a little Vietnam here.

This is in the same general area.

And then we'll keep going down what appears to be the more urban culture area of this

town here in just a moment.

hey honey baby how are you god bless you god bless you hey this is cross god bless you

hello hey god bless you hello god bless you hello hello yeah god bless you

okay same to you oh thanks honey i hope you have a blessed day is this a korean place or what is

is this no this is a supermarket oh but who owns it who's true he the owner is he korean or what

is he what is he chinese this is super american supermarket oh and he's a chinese person wow man

that's cool that's like the american dream man yeah pretty soon he's gonna own like three or

four of them you know oh okay and then he'll be on tv commercials on late at night and this will

were like i'm a jewel i am a crazy okay you have a nice day he can hold this long salami and he can

wave it around like a sword like come to my market this week he's gone she's gone hey

willie woo had a silly shoe that he liked to wear as a hat he rubbed his chin and then he shoved it

into the asshole of a cat there you go hey yeah dirty limericks by jim stewart all right i got i

I've got to get some water, guys, so you guys are going to have to sit tight.

I'll try to hurry because I know Dialer has to be back at work by 1.

On the clock, you've got to be chick-tick-tock, you know?

Get your water on, sir.

All right.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

What's this?

Put in a good word.

All right, here we go.

Moving right along.

Here's – did you – you said you found numbers, Dialer?

Did you send those or –

I got a whole buttload of numbers.

I can give them to you one at a time.

I mean, you've just got to select your category, and I'll feed them along.

All right.

Well, what kind of numbers do you have?

Oh, Church's Chicken in the Ghetto.

Hang on.

We've got to call Church's Chicken.

Hang on.

Hey, do you think you can add Bobby again?

Give me a second.

Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on.

I couldn't hear you.

What was that, buddy?

Do you think you can add Bobby again?

Oh, yeah.

Hang on.

Let me drop him in here again.

Plop.

There he is.

He should be connected shortly.

All right.

Church's Chicken, man.

Best biscuits.

But they've got to run on their money now.

KFC came out with something new.

Let's talk about KFC bouncing back.

Dobby, get away from me.

Get away from me, cat.

I'm not going to feed you now.

Hey, man.

What's up?

How you doing?

Look, man, KFC's putting a number on you guys.

You saw what they got, right?

What are you talking about?

Yeah, they got the boneless meat.

They got the boneless chicken now.

Boneless dark meat and boneless white meat.

Oh.

It's good, man.

It's good.

I'm eating it.

I was eating it.

Yeah, it's good.

Good, so you guys got to step up your game over there, little lady.

Okay, thank you.

Hey, are you the manager?

Do you want to speak to the manager?

Is it a woman?

Does it matter?

Yeah.

One moment.

Okay.

Ew, you're a guy.

I'm sorry?

I was trying to talk to the lady.

I was trying to holler at someone.

About what?

About the new KFC chicken's got no bones.

They got a boneless chicken.

You sorry?

Okay, this is purchase.

You know that, right?

Yeah, what's up?

You guys got to step up your game.

Your game flavor.

you know okay you gotta cut the bones out who can i who can you talk to to get that done

relay it to your asshole it'll go take a shit in the toilet there you go i think you need to

flush the telephone line now all right all right so what did you end up with then mr dialer a quick

peek into the number machine first we have a bunch of hotels that have pools i thought i could tell

them or you could tell them that uh they take a shit in their pool or piss in their pool can you

you do it because i've been doing pranks straight here for about 40 40 minutes or so and i could use

the mental break to recharge so yes let's do that yeah yes yes let me i think i can add them to the

conference and just dial from there or maybe you have to approve of them i approve it should flash

up for me and i'll approve it try it with your staff of power if not you can paste it in the

a chat if you can do that are you on a smartphone right no no right now i'm on a uh an intel adam

network okay very slow all right well whatever so this should should be able to get you going

i think it's your i think your internet is your achilles heel right now mr dialer sir

am i coming in low five no you actually sound good uh i'm sorry bobby's having trouble on

and he's got a 4g connection yeah but we're connecting to you yeah yeah i don't know

We'll wait.

All right, here we go.

I got it from you.

All right, so this is a pool and a hotel that you're going to do.

Take it away, dollar.

Stephanie, how may I help you?

Yes, Stephanie.

I would like to use your pool.

How much would it cost, please?

Our pool?

Yes, your swimming pool.

Yes, it's for guests only.

For guests only.

Right, you'd have to actually rent a room.

What if I were to sneak into your pool?

Would I get in trouble?

Yes.

What if I were to sneak in and drop a deuce into the pool?

Would I also get in trouble for that?

hang on let me let me uh fulfill a requester from the chat room just members only god damn

nasty trying to get thank you stephanie how may i help you yeah i've been sneaking in there and

peeing in the pool for over a month now so whatever i don't want to i want to make sure

there's no problem with me if you have cameras and stuff because listen i i came out of the

calls and i'm living on the streets now hello we're having so much fun apparently that's not

allowed at that hotel oh yeah peeing man peeing something on the driver and pee on the seat and

pee on the steering wheel in this big shift and pee on the dashboard and pee on the maps yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's what they always say that a lot to him like uh the indians

are like yeah yeah okay and then they get mad and say motherfucker yeah good times jim stewart you

You know, he's really down lately.

He's saying he wants to pack it all up, man.

He got into that again where he wants to pack up his prank call game.

I'm trying to convince him not to.

He's on the fence machine.

We got to do something.

Maybe we should pass around a card, get him a gift certificate somewhere.

Yes, Dan.

Home Depot.

My boss.

He'll get himself a gas grill with it.

All right.

That's useful stuff.

Judd and Black is looking.

Never mind.

We don't have a phone number for that one.

Here, a heating company is looking for an experienced HVAC tech

with installation knowledge for residential and commercial applications.

All right, and they're accepting phone calls.

This was last week, but who knows, man?

Who knows?

Again, explaining that I did not grab the Sunday paper this week.

I was absent-minded.

However, I do have many more sources.

is hey are you do you have this position for hvac motherfuckers to come for installations and whatnot

okay yeah i like to come down and see about doing an application and shit on that is the uh

position still open there um he's still taking applications yes hell yeah it my name is carl

sanders i'm an expert in everything i know how exactly how it is and what it should be

I like to just kick the air conditioning unit.

I say, you motherfucker, you.

Carl Sanders, everybody.

Expert at everything.

I listen to hear you, motherfucker.

Air conditioner motherfucker.

Hello, meeting.

I say, listen to hear you, air conditioner motherfucker.

I'll kick the shit out of you.

All right.

Oh, man.

All right.

Take it easy there, Carlitos.

A little out of hand here.

Carlitos.

Looking here, let's see.

Casino resort, no phone number.

That would have been a good one.

Resort jobs.

I wonder if it gets, you know, like say you're calling for a resort job.

Because I think that's like a dream job, right?

For some reason, that's a job.

I've always said it would be a dream job is a blackjack dealer, man.

Oh, yeah.

No one fucks with the black.

Everyone is like, what's up, blackjack dealer?

you know what's up man hey man yeah hit me man you know no one gets mad at it blackjack dealer

he just follows the formula that the house sets that's all he does you can't get mad at him you

know you can crack a few jokes and stuff you know that's a great job dude i've known some pretty

cool blackjack dealers they've wiped me out of a lot of money but there is always a good old time

on the cruise ship with the blackjack dealer and the crowd and this and that oh just before you

continue before you continue i just wanted to let you know that i have a bunch of oh there we go no

a bunch of go ahead uh uh people's phone numbers who complained about different things like campbell

soup and hertz uh rental and oh yeah send them in motherfucker yeah send them in all right hell

yeah put those guys i like that shit if you got a twitter name that i can look at you know

definitely phone numbers that last lady from the driving company from the last week's show wow

Wow, that was fun.

You have reached human resources.

We are either away from our desk.

Human resources, my ass.

One person who answers the phone for the job.

Human resources, this is Kim.

Hey, how you doing there, Big Kim?

Good.

Are you hiring for blackjack dealer motherfuckers right now?

We are not.

God damn it.

Do you have blackjack there at all?

Do you have them tables and shit, or what do you got?

Yeah, we have blackjack tables.

All right.

Now, how often do you hire motherfuckers there for Blackjack dealer and all that?

I got experience.

Just as they're needed.

It's not really known when we're going to have openings.

No.

So is there a list I can get?

Can I come down and just interview, not just expecting a job, but just so maybe someone

is going to get to know who the hell I am?

You can look on our website to see what kind of openings we have.

Who's the hiring motherfucker there?

Can I talk to him?

damn well there's a group of us who will look at the resumes hell yeah is there a who's the man

though you're the lady is there a man i can talk to no damn it well i'm carl sanders i'm the expert

at everything i used to blackjack uh black be a blackjack dealer in las vegas big time

ah motherfucker yep i used to sneak a beer in here and there between shifts and stuff you know

between you know first shift second shift i worked three shifts sometimes in a row and i'd sneak in

a few couple beers in between shifts like you know yeah loosen up a little bit i had a whole

stand-up routine i had flash cards i bring down on the table i were like hey i don't write d i

I don't write them, I just tell them.

You know, I had the joke, you know,

a white man, a Puerto Rican,

and he's down to a bar.

I had that joke.

Shit.

I'm recalling my youth,

because I had a lot of my fellow students

in elementary school

came from families that talked just like that.

I was the first minority up until, like, third grade.

Then there was a massive influx of Puerto Ricans coming in.

I was like, ha-ha, fuck with me now,

you dumb white people.

Far out, man.

yeah man tight man tight shit i'm calling him back you talk to them violet casino casino

fucking all right did you send some complainers there looks like you did all right let me maximize

that up here okay i don't reckon they're too old you don't reckon good it looks like we got a

security company we got the car rental place we got the soup company all right bad review all

All right, cool.

For a soup, waited 45 minutes.

How is, now that it is made clear, my number is what?

Okay.

Oh, okay, okay.

I think she tried to call customer service, I guess.

It was on hold.

Whatever.

Fuck it.

Let's see what her problem is.

Let's call and find out.

If you say it more than once, then you're a flaming dunce.

Hi, thanks for calling the company.

We always enjoy talking with people about our soup, and we're glad to hear from you.

This is a great place to talk with our customer service people or get answers to your questions.

And when you talk with one of us, your call might be monitored or recorded.

So that's the customer.

That's the soup place.

Oh, hang on.

Oh, that's cool.

Maybe I'll call that in the future.

Here's the actual complainer.

Never mind.

I called the wrong one.

I was wondering why it was an 800 number.

Sounds like he's in my soup.

Do you think it's normal?

I think it's normal in that town I've been calling that same motherfucker.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

All right.

This one's for a grilled sub machine.

says I've taken my motherfucking

family out family of seven

to this place and the service is average

but when I returned the

and this is my number okay I don't get it

all when you paste it like that I get

the dot dot dot can't expand it

but I get the gist I see

the okay

I get the gist

if you want to do one let me know I'm sorry

the number or code you have

dialed is incorrect please check

the whatever

a Delta Airlines, Boston Herald, the Barreled, as it's called, proactive customer review.

Here we go.

For those who have pimples.

It's facial cream.

So disappointed with proactive customer service, and I want it corrected.

Man.

Wow.

Very rude.

Where is this from?

Is this from the Equal, from the, what is it, the Better Business Bureau?

Is this where you're getting it, or what's?

No, it's reviews.gethuman.com.

And people put their phone numbers?

That's really stupid, man.

No, I was looking specifically for stupid people using special search queries.

I get it.

Awesome, dude.

Good work, young man.

Hello.

Hey, how are you?

This is Ralph.

I'm calling from Proactive Customer Service, legal department.

I understand you have a problem, that you're disappointed with our quality, world-class products.

A problem? No, maybe you got the wrong number.

Do you have a problem with proactive customer stuff?

You had a problem with their facial cream? You don't like it?

No, not me. I've been using proactive for years.

But you said you were disappointed with it and you wanted to correct it. What happened?

I said I was disappointed with it? When?

You said that recently our computer machine found this negative review and we're very concerned.

Oh, that must have been like months ago, months ago when I went to a mall and I brought, I

bought one out of the machine, like a kiosk machine.

Yeah, we know what happened.

Yeah.

And it didn't work.

Yeah.

You know.

Well, it worked.

It just gave me two of them.

It took two of them out of my debit card instead of one.

I only bought one.

That's what the problem was.

You know what?

What happened was we looked, we reviewed the tape, the camera feed from the machine.

Right.

We saw that you paid for one, but then you reached your hand up there

and you were able to shake down a second one.

And the inventory that night, when it settled, the computer machine settled to the main master computer,

it saw that one of them, it was short one product.

So you tried to take away an extra one, and that's why you got charged twice.

No.

I didn't try to take anything because you can't even stick your hand anywhere.

You can't even reach your hand.

I'm six foot tall, so, I mean, all you can do is get it out of the kiosk.

You were kicking the machine and everything.

You kicked it.

You cursed at it.

You said, mother effer.

Oh, my God.

You said, mother effer.

Honey, you got the wrong person.

You said, mother effer, son of a B-I-T-C-H, you said, and everything, and you kicked it,

and you shook it down.

No, I ain't cursed at nothing because I don't even curse.

Yeah, well.

Well, you sure did this day.

You're sure dead.

You got the wrong person.

When you stole it, and now I found out they credited it to you, and they should not have.

Oh, man.

Ooh, uh-uh.

Please leave your message for...

No, I will not do any such thing.

Instead, I will call the next...

I'm going to call the soup one here.

Let's see if we get an answer this time around.

Is this the bus driver Big Ryan asked?

That wasn't her.

Okay, no answer there.

Let me go to the car rental machine here.

No specific on it other than her name, which is Nicole, and her phone number and her email.

Apparently, she is upset with the rental car.

It's always a problem.

Always the women have a problem, a complaint.

Perhaps they don't know how to update the vehicle properly, eh?

Hey, how are you there?

I'm calling from rental car, legal department machine.

Hello?

I'm calling from the rental apartment legal machine, from a car legal department machine.

Yeah, and you had a complaint?

You have a problem or something?

What's the matter?

Yeah, but we found these negative comments you made on the Internet about our organization.

We found them.

Do you understand?

We found them.

They weren't allowed.

Well, they came up on a search.

We have a computer that searches for negative words about our company

and has found what you said.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

I'm going to sue you.

We're going to sue you, honey baby.

Yeah, you're going to get sued for every penny you have.

Oh, I guess we're not going to get anything, are we?

Because you hung up, that's why.

Honey boo boo.

No room for a finger in that one.

Honey boo boo.

Happy boo boo.

Please leave your message for...

Honey boo boo.

All right, no answer there.

there uh someone was trying to call in twice they left the voicemail let me play that real quick

see if it's the police it's a two second voicemail we'll know nothing being said on it yeah yeah man

totally so no answer there we will continue on here oh that was the proactive uh lady uh-huh

calling back was it yeah you're doing a banner grab on your ass let me call her back no

answer

I have some more interesting numbers for you, if you'd like.

Yeah, do that.

These are the numbers that employees call when they have a problem

or if they see something bad going on that they want to report.

Oh, yeah.

Snitch lines.

That's awesome.

I'm doing this one, and we'll do that.

Thank you.

Hello?

Yes, hello.

I am a little upset at the situation here.

What?

You made negative.

I'm the on-call lead attorney for the Boston Herald Customer Relations.

Excuse me, I don't even get the Herald.

You must have the wrong number.

You're calling a cell phone.

You said you wanted to fix the spelling and death notices,

and no one works on the weekend.

You said something really rude and mean and nasty on the Internet,

and our department that handles our reputation found it.

And we're very upset that you would say,

Well, I was very upset that the name was spelled wrong.

You're talking about my father's death notice that was eight months ago.

You said they were so mean and nasty.

You're like, they won't fix it, and I'm trying to call,

and no one's there on the weekend.

Of course no one's there on the weekend, honey.

No one's there on the weekend.

Well, you know what?

You're wasting my minutes right now.

I'm very disgusted with you.

I would never get the Herald again in my life.

Thank you.

You're not white trash.

shit oh man damn it i'm on track phone who the fuck she must have an obama phone

who else yeah unless you got a prepaid phone or or a government charity phone who else is

using minutes out there right now right no one cares about minutes you care about minutes

no see because i use prepaid no you know what those uh unlimited plans are hard to come by

unless you pay out the AHA.

See, I'm grandfathered in with T-Mobile.

I've been with them for a good eight years now,

so I get the deal.

More than that, I've been with T-Mobile for like 10 years now.

Yeah, I started with them in 2003,

so I'm pretty, I got a cheap plan.

But I'm going to get their new jump plan, man,

because you can upgrade your phone twice a year

and it has no contracts.

It's great.

I'll pay a little extra just to get that.

All right, Walmart Associate Hotline,

do you know what I want to do?

Dude, I want to bust some unions, motherfucker.

Did you hear from Bobby at all?

Robert.

He's a little sore right now.

Oh, poor Bobs.

Well, hopefully he'll join us.

I'm going to be out for a little bit longer.

I pasted his cell in there so you can call him up.

Anarchy in the English.

Thank you for calling the Associates Information Line.

For English, press 1.

Para Español, oprimado.

During the course of this call,

you will be asked to enter the last four digits of your social security number

and your birth date.

This information will be used to confirm your identity.

Oh, come on.

Please enter the last four digits of your social security number.

No.

Please listen carefully to the available options before making your selection.

Never hurts to ask for the opportunity.

I'm sorry, but I'm unable to complete your call at this time.

Thank you for calling.

All right.

Whoops.

Lost dialer.

Let me call him back.

I hit the wrong button.

Scrolling up.

All right.

Hey, man.

Sorry about that.

I hit the wrong number.

Let me call Bobby's cell phone.

Better idea.

Call his cell phone.

Yummy.

The Google subscriber you have called is not available.

False.

We'll try him again later.

We'll have him call.

He's got the number.

Thank you for calling my...

Yes.

To continue in English, press 1.

If you are calling the retail staffing center with a question about employment, please press 1.

For all other questions, press 2.

For password reset or other IT issues, press 1.

Oh.

For benefits, including for password reset or other IT issues, press 1.

For benefits, including medical, dental, 401k, or employees on purchase.

All right, let's call their IT.

If you're a store associate needing help with the password reset,

welcome to the IT support line.

For the technology support desk, press 1.

Your call may be recorded for training and quality assurance.

Para servicio en espanol, oprima el numero 8.

If your store is experiencing a complete power outage,

all registers down, or all PCs down, press 1 to be ready.

You have reached the store emergency hotline.

If your store is not experiencing a site-wide emergency, please press pound to be returned to the main menu.

Seven options.

We'll use the NCR POS terminals.

We'll put tele-less on portable terminals.

We realize that you have an emergency situation and require immediate assistance.

Your call is first in line and will be answered as quickly as possible.

Hey, boy, how are you?

What's the nature of your emergency?

How you doing, boy?

I'm doing pretty good. How are you?

you god damn it this terminal over here isn't working and i got about four people in line right

now they're all upset it says it says pc load letter 12 okay is that uh on a printer what what

are we talking about on the computer machine it says pc load letter 12 and if i hit the keys it

goes like that it goes it doesn't you know when it goes like that it goes okay that's what

What's your store number?

So hang on, then it keeps going further because then I got mad and I started slapping the register around the terminal.

And I yanked out the, you know, the Telxon terminal, you know, that part.

And the UPC scanner, the symbol UPC scanner, I threw it.

I skidded it across the floor.

Whoa.

What's your store number?

I don't, I'm in the bathroom right now and I'm afraid they're going to come in because I got, I got to figure out how to fix it. I got to figure out how to fix it. Can you help me out, please?

I can get you to the department that can help you, but I first need to get some information from you. What's your store number?

Oh, man, hang on.

I've only, oh, man, I've only been here for like two weeks.

It's in Savannah, Georgia.

It's the pooler.

Let me look at my papers here.

Hang on, I got papers and it hasn't.

I just got to look up the papers first.

In the meantime, is there a quick way that I can fix the situation?

Because I'm going to be in big trouble.

They said there were a call of the police and everything on me already.

Who said that?

the the employee who saw me i got mad and i started slapping the register and i pulled out

the printer terminal and i threw it and i threw the scanning the little hand scanning gun you know

the scanning thing you don't work no this is a store support line yeah i know that's that's that's

why i'm calling you because i just did this and not in the front of the store it was around in the

the middle part there's some registers in there like around where the paint is and the toilet

stuff we're here to support store employees i look this is this is the register i started

slapping and hitting it i said you motherfucker you i started hitting it then i took the the

upc scanner and i threw it and it broke and i have it here and every time i try to hit the

buttons it goes like that and i just want to fix it because they said if i don't fix it i got to

to pay for it and i don't have the money so they're going to call the police they said if i don't fix

it well sir i'm only here to support the store employees we're not here to to help uh with the

general public uh if you can have somebody from the store call we can help them troubleshoot the

problem can't you just tell me how do i fix this how do i put this in the right mode they said it

won't go on the mode they said it won't go on the mode that's what was just kind of playing it was

I can't assist you, sir.

He said it won't go on the mode.

All right, it says on the back there's a sticker, and it says store number,

and it has your phone number also there.

That's the number I called.

And it says your phone number that I called, and it has a store number, it says,

and then there's a serial number here.

Is that what you're looking for?

No, sir.

If you are not a store employee, I am not here.

here to assist you god damn it i'm here i'm a store i'm a store employee i'm a store employee

okay i'm okay and my store number is six three six seven son of a bitch that's him yes and what's

your name my name is cross eddie cross please i can't i can't go to jail man come on help me out

what extension are you calling from eddie i'm calling from my cell phone okay what's the number

uh hang on i'd rather not give that to you because i'm a little afraid that you're i just need the

help what's your job title at the store uh paint man paint the paint man i the paint machine you

know and that i do that you know and sweeping sweeping sweeping i'm still here eddie yeah

Yeah. So what register number was it that this was at?

I don't know. I didn't I didn't get a good look at the register.

That's where the paint machine is. And I said, you mother effer like that.

So you mother fucker, you. And I slapped the machine. I slapped it.

I slapped it. I pulled the keyboard and I slammed on the ground.

And I was fighting with my wife. OK, so are you or are you not an employee there at the store?

I may, I am, of course, yes, and I need help.

Okay.

Can you tell me how to put the thing in mode?

Mode, the mode, it says PC load letter right now,

and whenever I hit it, it goes like that.

I'm not even sure what piece of equipment you're talking about.

It's a scanning thing or something.

It's making noise right now.

It's making a noise.

Can you determine what it is?

Well.

I think it's a printer, son of a bitch.

Well, this is not an emergency phone call.

Yes, it is, because they said they're going to call the police.

It's an emergency to me.

Listen, I don't work here, okay?

I'll tell you the truth.

I'm just, I need help.

An emergency phone call for us is that the store is experiencing an outage,

and you are not an employee.

It's an outage.

It's not working.

I'm going to have to release this phone call.

No, I command you to help me.

Releasing the phone call.

We lost Dialer because Dialer had to go back to work.

Ha-ha, Dialer.

Sucker dick

Alright let's continue on

Showing the show

He's about as useful as a lemon slice in a dutch oven

I was thinking about that recently

Big Ryan

Good for you

Gold star

And let's see what else we got

Alright I gotta feed

These cats are starting to bother me

I gotta feed them some cat food

So they'll leave me the fuck alone

So I'm gonna play a prank call here

Real quick while I go do that

Dad, I apologize.

This one's called, I'm reticent to answer.

It's from last year.

It's a pretty good prank call.

Enjoy.

Greg.

I thought you'd be closed by now.

Yes, we are.

But I still answer the phone because a lot of times my employees need things from me.

I'm sorry?

What things?

I can't hear you.

Direct deposit, is it happening tomorrow?

Direct deposit?

Mm-hmm.

Are you asking me if direct deposit's happening here?

Yeah, do you guys do direct deposit there?

We do.

Okay.

Okay. So is it going to hit tomorrow?

Well, we got paid last week. We don't get paid this week.

Who's this?

This is Cross. I'm a customer.

Do we do direct deposit here?

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, some of the employees opt to. Some of the employees don't.

All right, that's cool. Yeah, so next week I can get a direct deposit?

This week you can get a direct deposit?

Can I?

I'm confused. Are you discussing banking matters as a customer? I don't understand.

Yeah, I am.

Are you an employee that wishes to get direct deposit from us?

No, I'm a customer.

You're a customer?

Uh-huh, yeah.

I was wondering if you guys have direct deposit this week or next week or not.

Well, I don't understand why I'm releasing our information to a customer.

It's for an investment.

Do you guys do the ADP card also, or do you just do the paycheck?

No, we don't do anything like that.

Paychecks, paper checks also, or just direct deposit?

Yeah, I don't really understand the nature of this call,

but if you want to call back tomorrow and talk to the general manager, that'd be all right.

Well, this is all supposed to be public information.

I don't understand why you're withholding it.

You could be getting into some trouble.

Because I usually don't get phone calls of this nature, and I'm reticent to answer due to the fact that I don't know if it's public or private information.

I'd really have to check with the ownership.

No, it is public.

It says it on the computer.

Yeah, I'm not comfortable taking this phone call, sir, with all due respect.

But please have a nice night.

Do you have papers?

Well, please have a nice night.

Okay, good.

Hey.

Big words.

He said reticent.

Yeah, I was going to say.

I'm back, but I really want to hear the rest of this prank call.

so bear with me for the next four minutes and eight seconds while we listen to that sorry

i'm just a lazy guy and it's a daytime show i i do what i want hey wow man that's threw me for a

loop like when zolar said umbridge once and i was like what the fuck yeah just said do you have the

papers there do i have what papers here well you know when someone gets hired you give them certain

papers like rules and uh the w-2 and all that sure sure we keep those here yeah could i i want

want some copies of those i'm sorry i want to come by and get some copies of those under your clothes

but maybe i could be there in like five minutes you give me some copies no i'm not doing anything

like that so i'm not releasing any information or payroll information to anyone what about the

insurance information there no i'm not releasing any information uh about the way this business

is run to anyone i got hurt there you're supposed to give me the insurance information i demand this

right now i'm making a claim no i don't answer to demands like that because i don't understand

i don't have the legal ramifications to know whether or not that's public information listen

Listen, I know you're using big words, but I command you to give me this right now

or I'm going to hold you responsible.

Responsible with whom?

What's your name?

My name is Jim, and we're closed.

So, I mean, that's what I don't understand.

You're sending information for me.

I don't know who this is, what you're looking for, what information you're looking for.

Listen, sir, I'm the attorney here, and this is a Freedom of Information Law request,

and you were required to give this to my client.

That's right.

I cannot understand what you're saying, and I cannot really understand or grasp what you're saying.

I fell down.

This is a phone call to the owner.

I fell down in the parking lot, okay?

I'm sorry?

I fell down in the parking lot earlier today after I was there,

and I'm holding you people responsible.

I need to get these papers of information for my lawsuit against you.

I've got my attorney on the line,

and this is all free of an Information Act information.

We don't even have a parking lot, sir.

This is in my parking lot.

There's no parking lot here.

After I ate there, I fell down outside.

We don't have a parking lot.

What's your name?

I'm running you down in this dais.

What is your name?

I'm sorry, man.

This doesn't sound like anything I need to deal with.

but it's not something the owner needs to deal with.

What's your social security number?

Yeah, and I'm not giving you that.

What are the last four numbers?

Yeah, sorry, man.

You gave me the last four numbers.

Unless I have your information, I'm not releasing any information.

Listen, my social is 9383 is my last four numbers.

I don't want to know your social, sir.

I don't want to know your social.

9383.

I don't know who this is, and I don't know what this is about,

but I think this is something the owner needs to deal with.

32479-9383.

I don't want to know your social security number, sir.

I just gave it to you.

Now you have to give me yours.

No, I don't have to give you mine.

I don't have to give you anything, sir.

So you're required by law to give him a social security number?

No, I'm not required by law to give anyone my social security number over the phone.

You are, too, for a lawsuit you want.

Send a cop.

Send a cop down here.

I'm talking about a complicit.

This guy is complicit.

He's invasive.

He's not giving you the information required.

This guy needs to be on the lawsuit, too, sir.

Yes, he does.

Well, I don't understand.

You know, if I've got someone telling me I need to do something over the phone,

and I don't have any paperwork to prove that I need to do this,

then I'm not going to do it.

I'm not going to be part of a lawsuit.

to. I don't know who this is.

Listen, I'm not evading the law. If you get a cop

here to tell me I'm evading the law, I'll speak to

an officer, but I'm not speaking to some guy

on the phone demanding I give him my

social security number. Morgan told us to call

in. I'm sorry?

Morgan and Tim both told us to call

in and get this information from you. Who did?

Morgan and Tim, both of them.

Alright, hang on one sec here. Thank you.

Morgan! Shut up, milkman.

Hello, you have reached the voicemail box

for the employee hotline.

if you would leave your name and number oh crap no answer there had a good idea for that here's

compliance instead let's try that compliance machine hello and thank you for calling the

employee compliance hotline for english that's one but if you are a guest calling to report a

concern related to customer service or food quality please contact us at one for english

If you are a guest, you have selected to report an employee-related concern.

This line will be answered by third-party operators who do not directly work for you.

Please know that anonymous reports are permitted.

However, providing a name will allow the Human Resources representative to contact you directly

if additional information is needed to help us resolve your concerns.

After gathering the necessary information from you, a summary of your report will be provided

resources representative for further handling please stand by for an operator

to take your call we will be with you shortly calling the governance hotline

never name of the company your calls in reference to please this is a street man

yeah I'm sorry so you said yeah how can I help you how can I help you this guy

stay anonymous right if you choose to yes all right well what I found out was

It was like the employees are planning to revolt and start a union here,

and they were going to take the manager on a busy day on a weekend,

and they were going to pull his pants down from behind and embarrass him,

and they were going to tell him to kneel down in front of all the customers

and all the employees, and they were going to tell him,

They're going to read them this statement that we, the employees, are going to unionize,

and this store now belongs to the people like that, it says.

All right.

And what store number do you work at?

Store number 4494.

Do you know the city and state it's in?

I don't want to say.

4494.

You don't want to give the city?

No.

I have to ask, do you want to give the address where the store is at?

No, this isn't a clean line.

Okay.

They could be, the union could be listening on this line, on my line.

The union could be listening.

Put that down.

I'm afraid the union is listening on my line.

I'm going to, look, sir, I'm going to step into the bathroom because I'm afraid that they're going to see that I'm, hang on.

Give me a second, all right?

I'm stepping into the bathroom.

Sure, no problem at all.

Okay.

You hear me?

Yes, I can hear you, sir.

And you said that the employees, they're planning to start a union, any employees in particular or all the employees?

All the employees are going to turn on the manager.

And when did you hear them talking about starting a union? When was this?

This was yesterday.

I'm sorry, sir?

Yesterday.

You said yesterday?

Yeah. I'm sorry, I had to come to the bathroom.

You said that they also were going to take the manager on a weekend trip. A weekend trip where?

They were going to, on a busy weekend here at work.

I just have to pause out for a moment and stop you for a second, sir.

I understand you don't want to be around other people, but there's a lot of echo in your phone,

and I can't understand what you're saying.

Is there any way you could possibly go outside or go to another room?

Is that better?

Yes, it is.

So you said that they were going to take the manager where?

They're going to, here in the store, they're going to pull his pants down and leave his underwear on,

and they're going to embarrass him

and they're going to make him kneel down

and they said, we have a statement

and they're going to tell him

we, the

employees, declare that this

is now a union store

and this store belongs

to the people and everyone's going to

say like, hip hip hooray

and they're going to change

their shirts into the union

t-shirt right there

and they're going to say, everybody

Everybody, the food is on the house, and the games are on the house.

Okay, and when did you, when, and you heard this,

and you heard the employees, the employees told you this?

Yeah, and then they're going to walk out.

They're going to walk out.

That's the promise.

Have you reported this to anyone in human resources or management?

Yeah, they said they were going to take a picture of the manager

and put it on the Internet, and they're going to make up a story

that he was giving fellatio and stuff like that.

All right, have you reported this information to anyone in human resources or management?

No, I'm afraid because the union's taking over.

They've got people in human resources and everything.

I've got a piece of paper that's not provided with the report number

and a pay code for the information we'll submit for you today.

All right, go ahead.

C-E-E-3-0-8-2-7-0-2.

And then your private code is going to be free before 8-8.

You'll need to refer to that report code for any future communications about this report.

Court. You can call us back any time to check

to see if the company responds to your concerns.

All right. Sounds good. Well, thank you.

You have a great day, sir.

All right. Goodbye.

All right. There you go, guys. More

in-the-toilet prank calls. That's where we keep

it on this show. In-the-toilet

guys.

Our evening began in Peter Sechell's

comfortable study in his New York townhouse

where the candlelight was just

right, the hi-fi was in the

background, and the wine

was delicious.

all right continuing on with the madhouse radio show here we're gonna i'm gonna i am going to do

a uh few more prank calls just a few delicious again peter a small number of them that's it

so don't get yourselves too comfortable i'll be kicking you out in just a moment now let me see

if i can find the ghetto again here that's where the mcdonald's is no that's not what i'm looking

looking for church is chicken yeah this is the area there's hairstyles by solomon hairstyles

by solomon i don't know if it's barbershop or woman salon how you doing how are you salam

alaikum is this for man or woman this is for you know sex you know what you know sex oh i know i

know sex yeah what's that what was that hello what's that what's that noise what's that other

their phone going on i mean who do you want to talk to yeah you listen to your voicemails over

there on your cell phone no oh it sounds like someone's listening to their messages yeah well

let me hear like who you got who's calling no i'm trying to find out what we can do for you

oh i mean it's if it's unisex i come down there and the women have their uh nice breasts like

sexual organs and all that no i'm sorry you got the wrong salon you probably need to look in the

If only we can get one of those.

I want a nice pretty girl.

Bye-bye.

Pretty girl, you know?

Oh, stupid.

Pumpin' Pantry here.

Pumpin' Pantry.

Pumpin' Pantry, yeah.

All pumpin' out pantry.

I'll give them Pumpin' Pantry just a moment here.

Probably do one more call after this one we're going to do here

before ending the show for the afternoon, motherfucker.

Because I would like to watch some Netflix before I go to sleep for the day.

This is Death Fox.

Hey, this is Patton Fox.

Who?

This is Patton Fox.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, do you have cards there?

Oh, no, sir.

Oh, do you have drinks there, like alcoholic beers and stuff?

Yeah.

Oh, that's nice.

I might come down and get some of that.

Oh, okay.

Because I drink a lot of beer.

oh i like to come down and i pull down my pants and i say look at this look at this look at this

anyway that's what happened to death fox apparently he went to a grocery store and

he started saying look at this to um the cashiers you can see oh look at this look at this look at

this look at this this is pat and fox this is pat and fox that's dude guys when when he called

when when Patton Fox when Mr. Death Fox did all that bullshit with the chat room and all that

he called me and Milkman and for a whole hour it was just him saying I don't understand I don't

know why you're mad I don't know why you don't want to merge the chat rooms because this is more

people I don't know why and finally it was like shut the fuck up and then then I then Milkman and

me started yelling at him said we don't want to talk about it anymore the answer is no he was the

fuck alone that's when that's when that started anyway am i done let me see if i see uh here's

the last one savannah checkers club i have no idea what that is checkers club and let's see

what's up with them motherfucker the game is chess not checkers no answer there hey guess what i'm

done everybody thank you for tuning in today be sure to tune in thursday night for madhouse radio

here at madhouselive.com, phonelosers.org, or on blueplanetprankradio.com.

Yeah, that's the one.

Thanks to all two of those other stations for having us on.

We will release the station, those stations now, to the regularly scheduled rotations.

Bye, guys.

Calls (28, 1 h 5 min of 1 h 31 min)

Transcript

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