Get Them Out of Your Ass

Hey, how about you eat a bag of dicks?

I'm not playing no fucking games, dude.

I, I, fuck you, son of a bitch!

Stop making us get the cruddies!

You're out of your crazy mind!

You ain't getting no goddamn dollars!

I'll fuck you all night long!

You're my pussy!

Why don't you piss off?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

I'm gonna show the manliest,

dude-tastical, cool dude-boy thing ever!

My bestie will be the coolest,

you'll be competitive and good in sports and love to pull pranks and take naps because it's what

guys and only guys do yeah you hit print man i love it man that is high tech dude that's new

3d printing thing's going great dude you have your own paper toilet paper design it's awesome

hey your own thickness your own plot i count yeah you can do the pillows little pillows if you want

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, man, a little bit included, a little bit of the butt softener in it, Charmin's butt softener brand.

A little aloe.

Yeah, yeah, that's it.

I know they got something on that's kind of greasy and it slicks up your backside, man, but anyway, very nice 3D printing.

That's KY.

All right, we're here at Carlito, the KDK toilet paper special that graces up your butt before you go in.

You take some poppers, too, Milkman.

You relax the asshole a little bit.

You know what I mean?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, hey.

I relax.

Hi there, girlfriend.

I relax asshole.

Hermonito.

Que fue, que fue, my brother.

Thank you so much for coming back and saving more lives one call at a time, my brother.

How you been, Hermonito, my brother?

Good.

A relaxed asshole is a happy asshole.

Oh, yeah, man.

man. If you have any questions or

any problems with that, always go to

ringfinders.com. We've got a special

discount over there for you. Brown

Ring Finder special this weekend.

Yeah. Apparently

Polka sharted. I almost sharted

last night. Oh. Polka apparently

sharted today. That's when

you fart and the shit comes out on the

floor, you know? Oh!

I always call those farts that

feel too good, right? Because like

okay, they're great and then you got this like

heat feeling like, oh great, and then all of a sudden

and it cools off real quick and you have this, like,

wet, stuck-to-your-ass cheeks feel.

It's not a good one.

So the ones that feel too good, always be aware of.

Beware money.

It feels good because you shit yourself.

It feels good.

Right, right.

You just think it's gas, but actually there's a little content matter

precipitating in the bottom of your drawers,

and skid marks are kind of hard to explain, unless you're accident.

Yeah, try to get that in the toilet next time.

Polka is just saying that's where the poopy goes.

Or the microwave.

away shit goes in the toilet lady all right well i'm carlito the host of the shows i said the

website is madhouse live.com i am here with milkman and we're gonna do a show yeah i don't

know how long of a show it's gonna be to be honest with you because i've got 83 cents worth of skype

credit my bank account has less than five dollars until my direct deposit hits at eight o'clock in

the morning so we gotta we gotta stretch 83 cents worth of skype credit as thin as we can tonight

night if we're gonna well then that means we're gonna have to pretty well lay it on what domestic

calls yeah yeah i tried to buy some skype credit and i was like i'm pretty sure i'm broke i just

paid bills i'm pretty sure i'm broke if i had i'd throw it at you man but dude i'm worse off than

you man i've got like less i got 87 87 cents hey one of you great fans and listeners and friends

out there man they're money though man always could use your support man we do have a paypal

house right over there and that way you can guarantee we have a lot more calls tonight yeah

yeah yeah i'll pay you back i'll pay you back tomorrow i'll pay you back in eight hours i can

pay you back you'll be paid back as soon as we start making calls but yeah i mean see how see

how honest and cool the air money to his folks the man will even hook you back up for hooking

a brother up in need yeah tomorrow's payday i used to get my direct deposit right at midnight

night but my bank stopped doing that for some reason everyone else that i work with is like

yeah our shit comes in at midnight well again my bank was doing it for a few months and then

they stopped and i called the bank it's a credit union and i called them and i said yeah we changed

our system because we're having trouble there were actually she said that they had people who

were gaming the system with direct deposits um and uh they had to change it to eight o'clock

in the morning because i guess direct deposits would come at midnight and somebody was gaming

the system i got the impression that it was somebody in the bank like they caught an employee

like something like that yeah something like she didn't want to say it but the way she right right

yeah you don't want that to go out public because it's a financial institution everybody will

fucking do a run on the money i think she i think she realized her mistake when she was saying it

but i've worked for bank call centers twice in the past so i was like ah okay no say no more okay

Okay, fine.

So she said, I guess, and that makes sense.

They would want direct deposits in to come through at 8 o'clock so that someone, you know, is watching.

Yeah, to review them before they're dispersed.

Yeah.

So that's permanent?

8 o'clock is your permanent fact now?

I don't know.

She said that's what it is now.

Maybe it'll change.

I don't know.

Anyway, it sucks.

Well, it's for your own protection, brother.

That way you get your money.

Yeah, it's not a big deal.

I don't care that much.

It's just eight hours.

of a difference than what it used to be it's not like i'm at walmart with a cart full of groceries

right now waiting for midnight to hit so so i can go to check out because i've been there before

when i was younger i've been there before i've been i don't know i'm sure there's at least a

few people out there who've been at a group at a store at midnight on payday calling on their

cell phone to see if the direct deposit hits so they can go to the stand i've done that before

i remember back whenever a while back when we had the big uh madhouse ice cream party dude you

We had an old basket full, fast cart full of ice cream

starting to melt on the floor waiting for that deposit to clear, man.

That had to suck.

Yeah, and then this can of paint fell on the ground.

It sucked.

Oh, shit.

Then it's like, what's ice cream, what's paint?

And forget it.

Slippery when wet.

Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

We got Request a Prank here, I'm pretty sure.

Lonesome will be joining us here shortly as well.

Lonesome, the loser of Lonesome, will join us shortly.

Just a number 10 man on Pantaleon, my friends.

Let me see what we got number wise here.

Nunu wants us to do fusion prank calls that I started doing.

I did a show Tuesday morning, Milkman.

You were sleeping, I guess.

If you called me, I'd have been there.

I did a show, and instead of doing ban chude calls at the Indian restaurant,

I did maricon calls at a Puerto Rican restaurant.

Oh, very nice.

You called 787, was you?

Yeah, I called some Puerto Rican restaurant, and I kept asking for Maricon.

And the guy's like, Papi, I'm not Maricon.

He's like, I don't do that, no.

I'm Maricon.

That's just like a bunch you'd call, right?

Basically.

Yeah, basically.

Yeah, it's just about as insulting as it is.

Maybe even more because it's the Latin, you know?

Yeah.

You know, you got the machismo, man.

You can't be talking that far with me, man.

I'm going to kill your ass.

Kill your ass.

Yeah, Mexican boxers, I mean, Puerto Rican boxers are well known for coming out in the media before fights.

especially against mexicans and saying they're maricon and there's always like a big deal made

about it on the spanish media they're like oh so who was the guy that they caught wearing the the

pantyhose a few years ago is that the same dude that's the golden boy dude that what's off uh

oscar de la joya yeah yeah yeah de la pantyhose yeah i knew that guy i knew that cat was a gay

man come on you used to hear him talking he sounded more feminine than mike tyson did

fucking guy he oh you know they called him pretty boy and the golden boy and all this shit

and then i guess he had he had a hooker speedos for a different reason folks he had a hooker in

his hotel room right and uh and he had her take pictures of him and wearing fish net fucking

crotchless like yeah showing the crotch panties as i recall yeah and a dress but he also had a

a wig and he had a wig too remember but with boxing gloves on it was fucking weird like he

still has the bottom knock you got to find the picture out there look up oscar de la jolla drag

yeah look up oscar de la jolla drag and you'll see he looks so he's like he's like posing with

his boxing gloves in a dress with the wig on looks fucking totally bogus ugly ass fucking

girl dude like who the fuck hit you in the face with the fucking burning log yeah i'm looking i

I searched for Oscar de la Hoya drag, and it comes right up, right on Google.

I mean, there's actually some people that would physically kind of like maybe be more appealing if they, you know, like it was a girl.

But this guy is not one of them.

He looks fucking weird.

I don't know what that was all about.

That was fucking too much.

Is he still in blind anymore, boxing, luchare no more?

I don't think so.

I don't know.

I think he does little shits here and there.

I don't know what he does.

I know he came out saying, no, no, it was a joke.

I took these pictures as a joke.

but apparently he wasn't heavyweight huh no he wasn't heavyweight no what was he was walter i

think he was a welterweight i think delahoya was a welterweight or oh i don't know man i don't know

off the top of my head i can't remember if uh delahoya was a walterweight or not i don't know

that's a good question he wasn't a heavyweight he was somewhere below that class he wasn't that

big and massive no no he wasn't he wasn't no no no he wasn't no he wasn't uh he was more in a more

more of a feminine class i guess yeah yeah really weird and then he's you know he came on saying no

it was a joke he was a he was a welterweight he was well he started out wow he started for a while

if you remember he started out as a lightweight went up to welterweight and finished at middle

weight apparently he hasn't fought in a while apparently but he's going through some more

trouble right now actually yeah he fought pacquiao it says here i didn't know he fought pacquiao

he announced his retirement on april 14th 2009 i guess he thought he fought manny pacquiao in

2008 that's when pacquiao was first starting out yeah yeah i guess well not pacquiao wasn't

starting out but he wasn't what he is now now he's a bum too man well pretty well after he did

the panos scene dude like he kind of like just pretty well like fizzled right out i mean as

from what i recall i don't remember hearing anything big about him at the panties other

Rather than mockery, or am I wrong?

Yeah, of course, especially in the Hispanic community.

But, I mean, he never did any big fighting after that, really.

Isn't that kind of like a hose down his career?

He was already kind of dumb at that point, you know?

Oh, okay.

Yeah, well, I think he lost to Floyd Mayweather back then, I want to say.

I think he dropped the title to Floyd.

I think Floyd Mayweather beat him, like, in 2006.

We were already doing Madhouse.

It was, like, 2008 or 2007, something like that.

that yeah i remember because he was big because remember i was on the island right you know my

people there mostly were ricans uh man like everybody loved him man yeah but he was old

dude he was an old fighter i mean he started fighting when before i was in high school

he was in the olympics you know and that was he started fighting back in 92 91 and shit like that

so yeah they've been around for a while yeah it's been around for a while i don't know okay hey

They were about to make a big name and move right along.

There was Chavez.

Remember Julio Cesar Chavez?

That was the big fight.

When they fought each other, that was a big fight.

That was a big one where everybody, yeah, they were bantering back and forth and shit.

Yeah, that was Mexico versus Chicano, you know, versus American Mexican.

That was a big deal, man.

I remember that fight.

Everyone was like, who's going to win?

It was obvious.

De La Hoya was younger and stronger, and Chavez was already old.

yeah yeah man we had felix trinidad we had trinidad for a while tito trinidad

yeah i remember trinidad puerto ricans when i say we i don't know the puerto ricans really

have a good fighter right now since trinidad i think was the last one i think i always have

had these guys that could just take a beating man and deliver them too man so the guys are

renowned for stamina and taking it and then coming back dudes yeah like i'm sure somebody will pull

out because it's just like this i don't know it's just i think it's more than culture i think

it's in their blood man it is hard-headed son of a gun well like you i'm a hard-hitting son of a

gun what are you talking about i heard calls i've heard your phone calls hard-hitting like i'm some

kind of news group or something all right guys guys this is what we're gonna have less than a

dollar worth of credit i was hoping somebody if i stretched would throw up and something into the

paper oh that's the whole intent of my bullshit conversation folks maybe if you guys would rather

I'd rather just me not do a show and play rotation.

That's fine with me.

I can understand because we'll do some pranks, but I'll probably end it early.

I'm not going to sit here and bullshit everybody when they could be doing their own thing if I'm not going to do calls.

Well, it's not we're not going to do them.

We just don't have the funds to do them.

That's the issue.

Not that we don't want to.

We actually would take the time, had the funds arisen at any time in the near future.

Let's just say it's going to be a very talky show tonight, okay?

There you go.

We'll break down the theory of prank calls.

All right.

all right no no you could actually for one time man actually send in a payment and like really

really come out here in the blue yeah let's let's stop asking for i don't want to ask for

i'm just fucking around seriously i don't want everyone to think i'm hoping that somebody will

get we'll figure it out man that we can't do very many calls don't worry about it all right all right

brad sent in a number for cedric who got his oil change today and uh he drives a scion that's a

of puerto ricans are getting scions in puerto rico i can't do that right i cannot transfer my

credit from my account to you can i uh no i don't think you can transfer skype credit at all man

i got almost like ten dollars on my i've never used it maybe it's down to eight now i think i

accidentally used it once okay never mind you used to be able to transfer skype credit but

they stopped that you used to also be able to buy um skype gift cards and stuff and they stopped

that also because there was a lot of money laundering going on with skype for a while

there i read an article about the founding the founding of skype and where it got to now

like the initial founders of it and stuff in europe really good that was that was on ours

technical last week you should check that out maybe i'll pass it on to you but the story is

incredible how they were basically the people that created i think limewire or kazaa kazaa

you know after napster there was kazaa for file sharing music and stuff like that and they they

I guess Kazal was starting to get into legal trouble, and they said,

you know what, why don't we just stick to, what if you'd be able to do phone calls without the phone?

And that's how Skype came out.

And they all sold it and made bunches of money.

I think only one of the original founders is still with Skype.

Everybody else is new.

Anyway, yeah, for a while, it was a hotbed for money laundering.

People were funneling cash through Skype to get Skype credits.

as a way of laundering drug money and stuff like that and terrorist money and stuff yeah so that's

why they put a stop to gift cards and the transferring of funds and all that they make it

it's all paypal or credit card i think there's a few more options or something called skrill which

i think is like a european paypal or something i don't know i don't think you can use bitcoin

i'm gonna say a bit money i was gonna ask about that but i heard that's pretty well falling on

on its face yeah it's it was crazy for a few months the whole bitcoin thing but it's cooled

off i think now had some problem with it i remember that now yes yeah hi this is eddie i'm

calling from the oil car oil oil loop hello yeah listen um can you hear me yeah all right um we had

a problem you see one of the employees decided to he left a wedding ring in the back like in the

the trunk of your car all right because i don't know you you i guess you didn't stay with your

vehicle while the oil was getting changed hello okay all right so what happened was he had he was

going through your stuff looking to see if you had anything nice um and his wedding ring came off in

the trunk and he's his wife is accusing him of cheating because he took the wedding ring off and

all this stuff and it's become a really big mess and he's he's he's my brother you know can you

You go in that trunk right now, see if you find that wedding ring.

He was looking for stuff to keep out of your car.

He was being honest.

He said he went through your stuff, and he didn't really see anything he was interested in or that he could sell.

Yeah.

Hold on.

Thanks, buddy.

Yeah, it was kind of rude.

I didn't appreciate that, what just happened, you know?

Yeah, it just got me upset a little bit that you made that noise with the phone, you know?

But you said you're sorry, so it's fine.

Yeah, the back.

Did you see anything missing?

Because he really went through the whole thing trying to see if he could keep any,

like if he had any MP3 players or something.

No, I had like a folder.

I think nothing's going to be in there.

Yeah, he didn't need tables.

He was going to keep a table or two, you know.

No, my tables are still here, but there's no room in the back of the car.

Did he break any of the tables?

He said he was mad and he was going to break one of the tables.

Can you see?

Did he break them?

Any one of them?

No, they're all folded up.

What are you doing in my trunk?

He was looking for stuff to steal out of your trunk.

He does that.

He's crazy, man.

I've told him to stop doing that.

He steals stuff all the time and sells it for beer and stuff, you know,

or like the other day he took a folding chair and he took it out of a trunk

and we've been using it in the back room here.

That's why he thought about taking those tables, you know?

What's this guy's name?

Oh, Billy, you know?

Yeah, he's my brother-in-law.

What the fuck does Billy think he's doing?

one he's i've been telling him you're crazy man you can't just go through trying to take you know

the folding chairs and everything like that he'll like he found a camcorder once he or in a cell

phone he just keeps it he's saying yeah he sells them he sells them to like people around here

um people come up here and they're like yo what you got billy what you got today and he's like i

got this i got that i got a cell phone you know cell phone charger and then we put the money

together at the end of the month every every other payday we put all the money together that

he gets from selling stuff out of people's trunks and we have like a beer party pizza party you know

huh serious yeah yeah i mean you're not fucking around with me right no no seriously yeah that's

but see the thing is he left i mean what are you the manager you just had another guy that works

oh i'm the night shift guy yeah i were i'm not a manager but i'm the alpha male around here

at night you know so anyway well i'm trying to get it yeah don't worry about the stealing thing

who cares about that it's he lost his wedding ring holy shit oh man i can replace shit yeah i

know but he lost his wedding ring in the in the trunk of your car what's too bad fuck that well

you know it might be is it right is it under like where the is it in the wheel well or something

who the fuck i know i i've got tables in there ain't longer about there i got stuff to do with

those tables well he needs his what are you stealing his wedding ring then sure why not

All right, well, I have your information here,

and I'm going to, you know, call the cops, I guess,

and get you in big trouble.

Yeah, because his wedding ring is lost in the trunk of your car.

No, I'm not going to bother him.

He's got a baby.

They're trying to put the baby to sleep.

The baby has a toothache and everything.

No, I don't think so.

That's none of your business, asshole.

I said that's none of your business, asshole.

Yeah, yeah, asshole.

hole you're stealing my brother-in-law's wedding ring and his wife thinks my sister thinks that

she he's cheating on her because it's happened before with the wedding ring he takes it off and

it goes missing and he didn't do it this time he was going through your trunk looking for stuff

and he lost it in there and you're refusing just do the right thing do the right thing and help me

out go in there and see if you find in the wheel well and bring it back he was in my trunk he

He shouldn't have been, so if he lost his ring, that's too bad for that.

You know you signed a paper when you got here that we can go through the car

and all that to service it.

You signed it.

You signed, right, when you picked up, when you dropped off your vehicle?

We confirmed your information?

So read me off the clause.

Read me off verbatim what it says.

I'm not at work right now.

I'm at my boss's.

You're not at work right now?

You said you're the night manager?

Store's closed.

So what are you doing calling out of office?

Because he just called me to say he left his wedding ring inside your car.

Did you know, like, leaving stuff in people's cars and not claiming it's, like, no big deal?

You know, that's, like, free game.

No, that's up to a police officer to make a decision.

And he's going to side in my favor because it's not your ring.

He's got an engraving on it and everything.

Really? What's the engraving?

It's his name.

Well, it's his name.

Him and his wife's name inside the inside.

So if I go looking for it and I find it and I can verify it, what's their name?

You have to give it back.

it's billy i told you his name is billy i'm not going to give you my sister's name i'm not going

to give you my last name or my sister's name so don't even try it what about billy's last name

that's my sister's last name so i'm not going to share it with you who's billy i am you just said

you're just an old guy that doesn't you're not a man no but i said i'm the alpha male what i

you know i'm there's a shadow government in charge of the store but i'm really the head

you know yeah okay there's a shadow government charge but i run things i run the rat

the the trunk racket you know the monthly beer and pizza party that was my idea billy runs it

but that was my idea you know i get a cut oh yeah yeah so so how much of a cut do i get yeah we also

have we also have a nitrogen racket where we pilfer the the nitrogen that we offer to fill

your tires up instead of air yeah yeah we we we skim that a little bit here and there we tell

we tell people we're putting nitrogen in their in their tires and we'll just put the regular air

and then we'll put the nitrogen in a separate container.

We sell that at parties.

We go to parties and we offer people, you know, $5 for a hit of nitrogen.

It's really good.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, it gets you fucked up, man.

Yeah, you get fucked up, man.

Right?

Yeah.

So?

I don't know.

It's not a big deal.

We're just walking around with a tire full of nitrogen

and offering people to have a blast of it, you know,

inhale it for $5.

It's not that big of a deal.

It's not illegal.

Legal hydrogens, you know, it's God, God may hide, it's everywhere.

There's hydrogen right now on your desk probably, you don't even know it.

It might be on your fingers and stuff.

It's everywhere, man.

It's in the water.

Yeah.

So you really fill up balloons?

Tires, tires.

They're kind of like doing lipids?

No, car tires.

Car tires.

Yeah.

Oh.

So why don't you just put like water in the tires instead of air?

Why don't I put what?

I don't know.

Because we're getting...

You're feeding this bullshit story telling us it would teach you a bullshit story.

We're getting nitrogen for free.

I got a fucking wedding ring that you're looking for.

I ain't going to give it back.

It's a tough shit we got.

Well, how about some nitrogen?

I'll give you some nitrogen.

I'll let you in on the nitrogen.

What am I going to do with that shit?

Take some hits off of it.

Put it in a balloon.

Keep it, you know.

It ain't going to do nothing.

Yeah, it does.

It messes you up because you fucked up, man.

Huh?

Yeah.

You'd be fucking a girl real fucking all night, fucking, and you're doing the nitrogen,

you know.

We go to these sex parties.

Everyone's naked and fucking on the floor and drinking nitrogen.

You're like, yeah, fuck yeah, you know.

And you got one girl, and you bend her over, and you're fucking her from behind.

And her husband's getting his dick sucked from the front.

You make her airtight.

Wow.

Yeah, that's what nitrogen does.

Big six.

One six, motherfucker, huh?

It's natural.

It's just beautiful.

Nitrogen is natural.

You know, they're making cars that run on nitrogen now.

That's how good it is.

Yep.

Cars are running on nitrogen.

We have a gasoline racket, too.

We empty out a little bit of the gas tanks when the people get oil change.

Yeah, about three gallons maybe on average every time we do it.

We take about three gallons out, and then we sell that gas to people outside.

We're like half the price.

Yeah, we're like, hey, you want to pay 2,000 tube prices for gas?

Like, yeah.

And we hold up the gas can and say, right here, homie.

You know?

Yeah.

It don't make any sense now, man.

Yeah, man.

man. I got, you know, we'll

fill a truck bed up with all the gas

cans from the money that we

siphon out of customers' cars.

From the gas that we siphon out of customers' cars.

And we sell it for $1.99 a gallon.

And, you know, because gas now

is like $3.50 a gallon and shit, you know?

So we're like, yo, what's up, homie?

You know, we go to the gas station.

So what's up, homie? You want some gas? Check it

out. And I open up the trunk and there's

gallons of gas in there. So, yo,

you want five gallons? What's up?

up you want five gallons ten bucks homie you know they give me ten bucks and i even fill it up for

them myself and everything yeah you lost me at about all right all right ain't gonna get the

waiting ring back man sorry dude as much as you want to try that your buddy billy there is uh

well i got a lot too bad so sad for getting in my trunk motherfucker i guess we call police

cool let's do it okay bye see you asshole whatever i lost him two minutes ago that's a pretty good

racket there the nitrogen one i know dude i was laughing my ass off i got nobody even got a clue

dude nitrogen is like a deadly poison man it's like because it's inert it doesn't mix with

anything in its gaseous state and what it does is it's heavier in air it sinks down your lungs

and you can't get any oxygen in there so you actually got to actually turn upside down to

get the shit out of you like so there's like yeah seriously you die from nitrogen man it's like

what they call an inert atmosphere.

We got special warnings and procedures

on how to be anywhere near it

because if you take too many hits of it,

like your lungs fill up

and you can't get any air in it

and you die of asphyxiation

with a lung full of nitrogen.

Yeah, you'll trip all right.

It settles.

Near-death experience.

It settles down near alveoli

and all that shit probably.

Oh, my God.

Seriously, you got to turn upside down, man,

to get it out of your lungs, man.

It's heavier than air.

Got to do a handstand while you're passed out.

So what's the thing with putting nitrogen in tires?

That's because they leak less, right?

Isn't that what it is?

they or you never heard of putting nitrogen

inside of tires i mean i don't i don't know i'm trying to figure out what the hell the point of

that would be yeah when you go to a tire place or like an oil like an oil change they offer it now

they say well they bleed the air out of your tire and they fill it with nitrogen instead i think you

you get better gas mileage it's lighter it's something heavier than air it's heavier lighter

it's whatever it is it's better for gas sounds to me like they kind of like come up with how

much are they charging i don't know i don't know how much they charge for it i don't probably

charge you 20 bucks for a bunch of bullshit you don't even know it's nitrogen number number two

it isn't lighter than air i couldn't see the advantage dude i mean it's interesting but

But the only thing is, is that a lot of, here's the deal, most tire and inflators, like the compressors and shit, are old and are bunked and bullshit.

So they, like, get moisture inside of them.

And they also get, like, lubrication oil.

So, like, that's why if you ever smell the air that comes out of one of those or out of your tire and it's got this, like, horrid smell, not only from the rubber,

it's because of all the, like, adulterants and contaminants that get in compressed air vapor, like the water vapor in the oil that you vaporize in.

everything he said was hilarious dude it was so good man that guy was calling back

here's the details um that guy was calling back i sent her a new voicemail it says um with nitrogen

tire inflation drivers will note improvements in the vehicle's handling fuel efficiency and tire

life all this is achieved through better tire pressure retention improved fuel economy and

And cooler running tire temperatures, the Institute says.

That's the Institute of Tire Machines that did that study.

Milkman?

Cooler running tires.

Well, that might make, there's a couple aspects of that,

but I'm not getting exactly how that's a benefit.

It seems to me if it leaks one way with oxygen, it's going to leak with nitrogen.

I think a nitrogen molecule is smaller.

Listen, listen.

When air is pressurized, the humidity in it condenses to a liquid

and collects in the air storage tank you use at the local gas station.

I told you.

When you add compressed air to the tire, the water comes along for the ride.

As the tire heats up during driving, that water changes to a gas,

which then expands, increasing tire pressure.

That's why since the old days, there's a difference in measuring your tire pressure

when it's hot and when it's cold.

Because nitrogen is dry, there is no water in the tire to contribute to pressure fluctuations.

so it's always the same you don't have to worry about i see so they're they're taking into account

the water vapor under temperature and how that changes your pressure that makes sense well i

guess that's how much are they charging you for that shit my guess is that's less internal wear

and tear on the tire because it's not constantly expanding every day and retracting at night

you know it's not so much that you got to remember the shape of the tire changes due to the pressure

Like when a tire is low in air, then the outsides of the tire wear, but as they blow more and inflate more and more, the center of the tire becomes more protruding than actually over-inflating wears out the middle of the tire and leaves the outsides with tread.

so that's why it's important to have a constant pressure is the shape of the tire and the

performance of it because the the shape of the tires is is influences the performance and the

uh traction uh characteristics there's like a number and shit you can look at whenever

a traction or b you know some shit you look at when when you're on tires that you know you can

actually calculate you know this is a better tire because it has a higher number you know

know traction uh traction spec okay gotcha that yeah i guess it doesn't make sense but how much

are they charging dude that's that's this article i don't want to go into it so in debt but they do

compare to see if it's worth it let me get to the very bottom see if it just says is it is it worth

it the air we breathe is blah blah blah hang on based on listen based on cost convenience and

actual performance benefit we don't think nitrogen is worth it a much better use of your money would

would be to buy a good tire pressure gauge and check your tires frequently.

It's a good idea even if you have a tire pressuring monitoring system in your vehicle.

The warning lights aren't required to come on until you have less than 25% of the pressure.

Your own inflates the tire with pressure.

Yeah, so they say it's too expensive.

Yeah, the only way you can get it on is to inflate your own tires with your own compressor.

A known source.

Other than that, if you're out on the road, you're almost guaranteed you're going to get water in it.

So what they're saying, it makes it a little more convenient.

You don't have to fill up the tires and worry about them so much if you use nitrogen.

But they say that for the price, I mean, they say it works, but it's expensive for what you're doing.

Don't be lazy and just check your tire pressure weekly.

That's what they're saying, basically, here.

I'm lazy, so I'd get it done.

The next time I get that shit done, I'm going to say, put that nitrogen in there.

Yeah, man, it's only $70.

Yeah, I'm going to have them put acetylene in it, you know?

There you go.

now you're talking man go out the bang buddy man do a bleach burn out and pop them babies

butane propane i'll put that in there i'll mix it all up butane propane hell yeah butane is it

not a jerky boys prank call about balloons about butane propane what the fuck is that

and i don't want to hear that you can tell i'm buying for time because we don't got a lot of

credit it's gonna be well well well we're having a little bit of fun here folks let me find this

prank about the balloons i think and their french balloons always fuck up yeah those phallically

shaped balloons you should be uh be aware of those all right let's see this is it listen two minutes

see those one people who like to twist them in a knot there's telling you something right there

now uh what do we where do we go with this explain this to me how do i go about this

well we uh take off from our oh you do huh i'm very proud of you here's the problem i got dead

Last time I was up one of these fucking balloons, I'm jumping up and down.

The guy's yelling at me.

He don't want me jumping up and down.

I try to play with the wires and the cables there, and he's trying to light the burners

or some shit.

He was complaining to me.

I don't care what you do.

I could jump around and shit?

Jump up and down.

You just can't tear at the fucking balloon.

Anything can be a monkey.

Yeah, right.

We'll just tie a little safety cord on you in case you fall out.

Okay, we're in the right direction then.

Okay, so where do we fly with this fucking balloon?

Over what city?

Okay, great.

Listen, I want to ask you a very important question.

Can I bring shit up with me to throw down?

No, huh?

All right, well, look, it won't be people.

If we're going over farms and shit, there'll be cows and horses.

Yep.

I'll bring, like, little rocks or apples up in the thing with me.

We'll fire that shit down at the animals.

Well?

We'll be high up there, right?

What the fuck?

This isn't it.

I never realized what he's saying.

So he wants to go up in a balloon and throw rocks and apples at horses and cows over the farmlands?

some of the like some of the shit that johnny does man you you gotta really listen to the

fucking story and get it in your head because this shit's fucking off the fucking wall

like when saul's going up to the empire state the whole shoes and glasses thing people laugh

because it just sounds funny but if you listen to the fucker's story saul is saying that he went to

the observation deck of the empire state building and everyone looks small and blurry so he figures

there's something wrong

with his glasses

because he was looking

down on the street

and everything looked

really small

like yeah dumbass

because you're at the

fucking Empire State

building you think

ah come on

we can go places

with this

alright look

now I bring my own

parachute up there

with me

well just in case

I heard these

fucking things

they go down a lot

you know I don't

want to go getting

tangled up in a

fucking thing

on the way down

you know we got a

problem

these blows

our blows are

made in America

oh yeah huh

I don't blame you

nutty ass

those fucking things

are crazy

it's that French blows

that keep going down

on you

yeah those fucking

fucking things and that's like the french typical running away going down the same old shit all

right look i'll tell you what i do i'll call you back on this i want to see if i can get my wife

up there too i'm gonna fire her ass out of the fucking thing okay okay i'll call you back okay

right right well that wasn't the one about butane propane i don't know what it would be

it was maybe it was the one about the kid or something the baseball it was gonna have a party

with the kid with the balloons i don't remember i don't remember and we have to ask an aficionado

like ted webb or somebody i can't remember dude i think he wanted to he wanted to float the he

wanted to float the kid in the room right like a piñata or something for his birthday and have

everyone hit him or something i think that's what it was but i have no idea what and he said like

he wanted to fill it with heavier than air all of it is man he's like it's like butane propane

Man, what do you use?

Yeah, if you want to do a fun experiment and probably burn the hair off your face real quick,

you take your sink, you close it up, you take your Bic lighter upside down,

and you don't flick the wheel, but you just push the button.

You fill that sink up for a little bit, and you can't see it.

Now, if you're going to light that, it's going to go, boom, right in your face, man.

So you're going to be swinging bats.

Don't try that at home, kids.

Don't try that at home.

You're going to be swinging.

We'll burn your little face off.

You're going to be swinging bats at the fucking kid with balloons full of butane and poop?

Dude, we used to do this.

We used to take and fill balloons up with hydrogen, dude, and then, like, shoot them.

Okay.

Get up, like, throw them in the twisty-twisty.

Oh, man, it's like a bomb, dude.

It's so fucking cool.

Yeah.

That sounds like a really dangerous thing to do, but okay, man.

Nope.

Oh, yeah.

Well, this was back in the adventurous days, man.

When I first got started in safety, dude, I was learning about what, you know, safety

was all about.

All right.

but seriously anybody please if you know what i'm talking about when it comes to the which prank it

is about the butane and propane let me know because now i'm dying to find it not dying to

find we need that your expertise please let us know and send that message over to the hermanito

please fuck yeah okay well moving right along carlito's gonna look up another number here and

get to that that thank you to brad for sending in that last number there big brad carter sending in

a number for the oil change guy here's another person that got their oil changed she drives a

2009 uh nissan apparently okay cool let's see if that works just a moment here well wait a minute

wait a minute i got a better idea let me everyone know why you have a what do you got you have a

pad was it a mini pad or an ipad one of the maxi pads which one do you got ipad is that like bigger

than like what are they 10 inch or something uh it's a bigger sized one i think it's 10.1

i guess something in there oh okay i okay i didn't know did did you jailbreak that thing

uh i did once yeah but i i wanted to get the newer ios version so i've i'm jailbroken and

i'll jailbreak it again yeah i had a jailbroken for a while sure man yeah i did when i first got

it i jailbroke it yeah i was i was wanting to ask you that because i didn't know you know how

how hard it was to tweak with one of those.

I just cracked this

Tab Galaxy here, man.

It only took about as long as the download went.

It took less than five minutes to read it.

Yeah, no, the jailbreaking

iPad or an iPhone is really easy

these days. It's not too bad.

Oh, that's cool. So they've got a reversible

unbreaking or unrooting?

Yeah, look up the Red Snow.

There's a Red Snow thing.

The Red Snow

approach.

What advantages do you get?

Can you, like, go around with the iTunes Store or no?

There's a separate app store that's free.

Well, it has a lot of free ones, or you can have...

How much do we got for Android?

It's more like the Android one.

Yeah, there's some paid ones, but it's got features.

Like App Bucket or something where you can get access to all the ones they've got there for, like, 30 bucks.

Yeah, you can do third-party apps.

It's called Cydia.

It's a Cydia app store.

I see.

There's a lot of things, because you can change the default browser.

on ios your drm shit and that stuff like those things are real real funky about all that kind

of crap can you get around any of that stuff or no i don't think if you're jailbroken you're not

to worry about that i don't know what do you mean by drm exactly like you want to get free music and

stuff well yeah i mean don't you like have to have like no like you need to do all that stuff

like you can drop your drm free music you know you're pirated music if you want on an ipad it's

gonna play oh okay okay i thought you had to do it i thought you had to port everything into

through the stupid ass itunes no you don't have to no no you don't you know you're not required

you just drop it into the memory of the ipad into the onboard memory yeah but the thing is it's a

little more difficult like there's not necessarily folders but if you're jailbroken you can set up a

file browser and folders and stuff like that like for me like when mine was jailbroken um i i just

recently on jailbroken because i want to get i want to put ios 7 on it that comes out next week

so about six days ago i i you know restored it um but i had a file browser on there so i could

actually go on my network and go to my server from the ipad you know and i could watch movies

or play mp3s and stuff like that uh well you could you could connect to the uh to your network

yeah yeah i was streaming over the network yeah yeah yeah exactly so it was you know yeah um what

What did you play NES like?

I mean, I know there's emulators out for the iPad.

I tried a super I tried a super NES one and it was kind of ganky.

I've heard a lot of people that have gotten it to work really well.

I just don't like the controls on a tablet to play NES.

I would rather have.

Oh, no, no.

You've got to get you've got to get.

I don't know if it'll work with iPhone.

I don't know.

But get the MOGA.

Get the MOGA controller.

They've got a new one out, man.

And the MOGA Pro, this son of a gun is shaped just like, kind of reminds me of, like, a Sony PlayStation or maybe, like, an Xbox controller.

It's got, like, you know, it's got joysticks.

It's got pad option, button option, trigger, double triggers, and all that shit.

And, man, I tell you what, I hook that thing just on my Android, and I can go ape shit flying this airplane, dude.

I, like, I got on this one, dude, and I've, like, climbed to an ace in about, like, five days.

It's fucking unreal.

real but try and do that with your fingers forget it man yeah definitely try this thing out man

because you can actually use it to map the buttons in some other games that aren't readily um able to

set up with the mogul you can map your buttons out through the virtual key thing and then play

other games with it like you can use this to move up and down on your browser like on my pad

i just use it to move up and down my browser and click you know like or come back for whatever

pretty cool okay it's bluetooth bluetooth it's a bluetooth thing okay yeah it's wireless okay

cool no vibration though i'll check it out very good yeah um oh here's uh uh let me check i might

have uh credit now milkman let me test it okay brother it looks like i'm being told it's safety

gates is the prank call uh of the jerky boys i don't know what safety i thought safety gates

it's had to do with something else.

All right, safety gates.

All right, we got somebody with the lead.

Thank you.

Appreciate it.

Let's play it and see if this is it.

Let's hope this is the one.

Hello.

Yeah, Navi.

Yeah, want some balloons?

Yep, guess it is.

Hang on, this is it.

We found it.

Birthday coming up.

Big party.

Where's the balloon department?

Well, that's what I've been waiting for.

Okay, just one second.

Jesus.

Balloons, how may I help you?

Hey, howdy there, bozo.

What do you say?

Oh, not too bad.

Balloon Boy. What is this, Knobby's?

Yes, sir.

Bobby Knobby. How do you say that, Chief?

Yeah, I got a big party coming up. I need some balloons.

Okay.

What do you got? Some of them helium jobs, right?

Uh-huh.

Now, what do you fill them with? Helium or, like, what, a butane there?

Some kind of gas or something?

No, it's a helium gas.

Yeah. Now, how big do these things come?

Uh, 11-inch. Once they're inflated, they'll be 11-inch in diameter.

11-inch. I'm looking for some big ones.

I got this. I want to do is, you know, make my kid feel proud.

We got a, you know, we got a big house there with the high ceilings.

Uh-huh.

little bit bigger than that. I want to get enough balloons under this kid and float him around the

joint, like in the living room or some shit. Uh, well, 16-inch, we have those, so it's a little

bit bigger. Well, that's what I'm asking. You know, I mean, this is not unheard. If you get

enough balloons together, you float the kid around the house, you know? Okay. You know,

the other kids, they're all waiting there. I told them to treat him like a piñata. Once he's up in

the air, you whack him with a stick. They're going to have some fun, the kids, you know?

Okay. Yeah, well, I need balloons here. You're laughing at me, you crazy bastard.

Uh, how many balloons do you need? Well, how many would it take to hold up a 65-pound

punk what are you what are we talking about 200 balloons oh yeah probably my wife she's crying

the fucking blues because i'm gonna fucking you know make the kid have a good time you know have

a you know get a couple of beers in his little brat you know fly him around the house i'll take

a whack at the fuck myself your kid drives me up the fucking wall nine fucking 24 7 you know

i'm sure you know what i'm talking about bob yeah i've been there yeah yeah it's great you know

what i just figured make the kids day you know squirt him up while he's up in the air there

They were squirting with some water.

You know, the kids will do some hijinks, you know, to try to whack them or throw things at them, get them down, pop the balloons, have some fun.

Yeah, probably.

What do you say, Bob?

Yeah, probably 216-ish would probably.

Float the little bastard around a room, huh?

Keep going.

Yeah, but now listen, I've got to make sure I don't do this shit outside.

I don't want this kid floating by the door.

Uh-huh.

I mean, if this kid takes off, God forbid he goes out in the fucker on the outside there, forget about it, he's gone.

You guys sell any kind of special gates with that?

Like, uh, safety gates or some shit?

No, we don't.

Because that helium gas, I mean, let's face it, that's dangerous shit, you know?

I mean, once in a blue moon there, you know, you got a guy like, you know, want to have fun with his kid like me,

and then the fucking poor bastard out the door and up in the air.

You know what I'm saying?

Float this little bastard up in the living room there, you know?

We got a big fucking space, open space.

The dogs will be jumping out of his fucking feet while he's floating around the room.

Get a real fucking wacky thing going.

Yeah.

Yeah, so, uh, what are we talking, business or what?

Well.

Oh, you know what you're better off doing, too?

Send me over the fucking can of propane.

You want to do that?

The butane, whatever the hell you got there.

The butane, propane, whatever the fuck is filling helium, whatever you got.

Yeah, I know the hydrogen.

They had a fucking problem with that hydrogen shit.

Yeah.

That goes up like a fucking tinderbox.

Yeah, well, that's great, Bob.

Let me talk to the wife, and I'll get right back to you.

We'll talk about this fucking silly balloon shit.

I'll get together with her.

We'll fucking square it away.

You know, we're trying to make a surprise for this little fucking punk bastard.

Okay.

All right there, Bob.

So long there, sailor.

The hydrogen goes up like a tinderbox, milkman.

So the dog's going to be nipping at the kid.

Yeah, that sounds like it's a great experience for the kid.

That makes no sense.

Yeah, for his birthday, we're going to tie him up with balloons and float him.

God only knows what he really had in mind.

What the hell, man?

With propane and butane.

I think you have the same dysfunction that he has.

You share that there, Hermano.

When you guys call, you share that same dysfunction.

function what the fuck well i do admittedly base a lot of my prank call stuff from listening to

that guy early in my material is the point it's like the way it's the way it's the way you go

about it yeah that's what kills me about it you're not using this material it's just you guys have a

similar process i'd have to say yeah probably uh johnny b's frank rizzo character is the one i most

identify with when it comes to

the kind of prank calls I do.

I'd agree. I guess

so.

That's why I like his calls.

That reminds me a lot of you, too, bro.

You're the fucking best, man. Alright.

He just had to

make it up on the fly, and that's

what's funny. Well, thanks to Baz

for hooking us up with a little bit of

Skype credit. We don't need any more.

Thank you to Lonesome and

Baz. Lonesome

found uh the prank called safety gates and bass sent in the file uh i actually already had it i

had it here already i just wasn't sure which of them it is but i i have all the jerky boys albums

just very nice off the top of my head because i saw safety gates came up in my query but i thought

safety gates was the one about saul wanting to put up like uh like turnstiles for his dying mom

or something like that that's what i thought safety gates was so i guess that's a different

for one i think that's turnstile then there's something with saul and his mom is dying and he

wants to put up turnstiles so people can come visit his mom but they have to pay to get through

the turnstile it has a coin box or something yeah something stupid and he's like there's going to be

two he's he starts saying i'll put another one i can get even more money he's like yeah the guy

is like i don't think that's gonna work but okay people just aren't gonna pay anyway look lonesome

sitting in numbers uh including a kebab house here where i'm a middle eastern guy hey let me

ask you something yes i want to ask you have you tried which rom are you running now on yours have

you tried it like the new jelly band like 10.2 yet no i'm still on 10 point i think it's 10.13

or something i'm on this i'm on the official t-mobile rom oh okay because it's got 4.3 on it

dude and i got this thing on here and it's just amazing all the controls you got with it and how

how fast this motherfucker is.

I got 4.13 is what I'm running.

I'm not a 4.3.

Check out the 4.3.

Starting around 10, I think they go to 4.3, man.

It is fat.

Well, I'm supposed to get 4.3 here pretty soon.

That's being released to T-Mobile because, whatchamacallit,

they want to...

The recent apps button, it becomes more defined,

which is really nice.

You can really make sense out of it.

It's just not like a picture.

year it's kind of got the name and everything it's got them in an order yeah well i've got

i've got a galaxy s3 and they want to make it compatible with the the galaxy watch the gear

the samsung watch but in order for that to happen you have to upgrade the phone to 4.3

so supposedly i'm supposed to be getting a 4.3 upgrade here at some point yeah i heard they

announced a watch when are they going to release that i guess they haven't re-announced the release

date for the uh note three for spring but i'm already signed up for it like always that'll be

my next one i told you it was coming really into those phones hey how are you boy i wanted to see

about getting some food little monkey you hello you're a little monkey you i like to make an order

for food yeah sure you have chicken you have any chicken kebabs honey yes we have all right and

what about lamb which one it was to call that you have their lamb it was like a lamb one but it's

It's like a mushed up kind of, you know?

You know the one I mean?

Which one is that?

You want a lamb or chicken?

Lamb.

Lamb, then.

Yeah, lamb, boy.

I have lamb tikka.

Okay.

Now, how long will that be?

15 minutes, approximately.

All right.

And then do you have a bathroom I can use?

What?

Do you have a bathroom there?

Hello?

Do you have what?

Sorry.

Do you have toilet, bathroom that I can use?

Yes, we have.

We have.

Okay.

Is it just one toilet, or do you open the door and there's more than one?

Okay.

No.

No, you want a teacup, but is teacup or non-teacup?

I'm asking you a question.

Listen, pay attention, all right?

Get your head out of the clouds.

The bathroom, does it have more than one toilet inside or just for one person at a time?

No, no one.

It's a private bathroom?

Okay.

Yes, one toilet and bathroom together.

So only one person in the bathroom?

Yes.

All right.

Now, can you show me the bathroom?

Whenever you come here, I will show you, okay?

All right.

All right, you come inside with me, and then I want to touch your hair, you know?

Okay, thank you.

I want to touch your muscles.

You want to touch your muscles.

Okay, thank you.

The other thing is you got to ask them if they got, like, you know,

if you got something to sit on or you just got, like, one of those holes like they got over there.

You squat over it?

You got a footprint, and you got to squat over it.

Most Americans would shit on their feet.

Oh, that reminds me of a story I got to tell you.

It's really funny.

I know we're bullshitting a lot here.

We're getting calls.

Yeah, listen, the bathroom, is it a hole in the floor or is it a toilet you sit on?

The bathroom there, is it a hole in the floor or is it like a toilet that you sit on?

Your bathroom that you have, your toilet, for the man to come in to use the toilet, you know?

Yeah, is that a hole in the floor for you to take a shit or is it a sit-down chair, like a seat?

You don't have toilet?

toilet no where do you go where do you pee inside the soup on the lamb what do you want where do

you use the bathroom in in the in the kitchen you don't have a bathroom in a home no you're

calling for my bathroom is dirty i wanted to use yours oh okay this stop this is only for the

customer because i pee everywhere i don't ever okay bye yeah okay anyway so listen i was listening

into a podcast and this guy oh shit i'm on mute dying laughing dude i was listening to a podcast

and this guy was given a story he said that uh he's really particular about you know using a

toilet in public and stuff like that he doesn't like to that no not in this country yeah well

he went to he went to china and he was really freaked out because he had heard that in china

China, like, a lot of the bathrooms, it was just a hole.

In Asia, it's just a hole in the floor, like a porcelain hole,

instead of a toilet you sit on that you have to squat over.

That is a phenomenon.

Yeah.

Like, Americans never do that.

They always sit on chairs and everything.

They never get them close to the floor.

It's, like, amazing.

Yeah.

Most people couldn't do it.

I saw it with this one.

You'd have to actually, like, have the gripper hand or something.

I don't know.

It sounds crazy.

You'd have to get yourself from shitting on your heels, man,

you gotta squat all the way down dude there's no way man so i'd have to practice so listen he goes

to china on vacation with his wife i think it's their honeymoon something like that and he said

he kept holding it until he got to the bathroom the bathroom in his hotel was you know western

style hotel so i had a commode but he said one day they went out to have authentic chinese food

and then they went to a water park all right and then he said they got to the water park and the

The food just went right through him, whatever this authentic Chinese food.

He said it went right through him, and he had to take a massive dump.

And he's like, all right, I guess I'm going to have to do it.

And he went into the bathroom, right?

He went into a stall.

He was pretty sure it was the men's bathroom because he couldn't read the Chinese.

But he saw another man come out of it.

So he goes inside, goes in the stall.

and sure enough it's it's the hole in the floor that's like a porcelain hole with a grate on it

and he's like ah that's the toilet so he takes his pants off and he squats over and he starts

shitting and somebody comes in and tells him in broken english that no that's not the toilet it's

the it's the performer's shower so the employee shower oh he's taking the shit

he's taking a shit on the floor of one of the shower stalls that the employees use to wash up

after they're done working you know and he's then bent and the guy like dragged him out and pointed

next door that the door next to that one was the men's bathroom and it was just a regular a regular

commode like he's like he's like he's used to this that was it was fucking hilarious i listened

did that story like three times i was like you gotta fucking so he ended up being oh but that

there's there's holes like this and they got like two footprints in front of you know like

one's tourist you know so you got like a place to line up with yeah well it's it's just funny

to think some american guy was taking a shit in the shower and they're like oh no no fucking

maniac you're shitting in the shower he said he left a massive dump already like it was all over

of the place, and he didn't even come

close to hitting...

don't know so do you have to take all your pants off when you do that or do you just i

I don't know.

That last call we had there, he said, not this country.

Dude, I guess.

I don't know, dude.

You'd have to hike them all the way down to your heels.

So I said, most people shit on their fucking heels.

They can never get down that low.

I bet you it feels really good to take a shit like that squatting, you know?

You just let it all out, squatting.

I bet you it feels good.

Like peeing in the ocean.

I'd rather.

Better than peeing in the ocean.

I can't handle it.

It feels so good to pee in the ocean, Milkman, you know?

When you're in the ocean, you're at the beach.

It feels really good to pee in the ocean when you're at the beach, you know?

Yeah, you know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, this is Eddie. I wanted to make an order.

All right. Are you near the ocean?

Oh, because I like to go to the ocean and swim in the water, you know?

Get, like, work up a good hunger, you know?

And then I like to pee in the ocean, so it comes out, like, natural, you know?

Doesn't it feel better to pee in the ocean?

It does feel better to pee in the ocean, though, man.

Releases your bladder more.

It feels real good.

That's the way you do it, guys.

Hey, moving right along.

That was a stupid prank call.

Affled, man.

She got lost there in that order.

I think she went and jumped in the ocean, dude.

You got her gone.

Nunu has some crazy idea about asking about woman and hair and Iran and underwear showing her hair.

Oh, shit.

Where'd you get the Syrians alone, dude?

Nunu wants us to call Iran.

Alva Besson, how can I help you?

I'd like to make an order, please, young woman.

Can I ask who's calling?

Bill.

Okay, what would you like?

I need a chicken shawarma.

What do you need?

Do you have chicken platter, like a chicken dinner?

We have a jujube kebab, chicken breast.

Uh-huh, okay.

That sounds good.

Okay.

Do you have any lamb kebab?

Okay.

All right, all right.

One toilet.

We have a shish kebab, okay, and a fill of lamb.

Uh-huh, and one toilet.

How do you like to cook?

The toilet, I want a white toilet.

Rice, cornbread.

How do you like to cook the lamb?

Oh, I want to sit on it.

Hello?

Yeah, I want to sit down on it, on the land.

You want to come eat here or for the cup?

Yeah, I want to sit down on the food.

I'm going to sit, you know, do you have a chair there and I sit down on it?

What?

How do you want it?

How do I want the chicken?

I want to sit down on it.

She totally didn't hear that.

Speaking about the ocean.

You want to come here?

Speaking about the ocean, and BurgerTime is reminding us here,

as of this evening, I don't know what the status is,

but the Jersey Shore Boardwalk is on fire, Milkman.

man.

Shit.

Somebody's going to go to jail for that,

motherfucker.

I don't know.

Yeah,

I'm sure.

You know,

the whole thing is they just reopened that fucker this summer after Sandy,

the hurricane.

Sandy came through and ripped it all up.

They spent all this money to rebuild it.

Somebody's going to jail for that shit.

They will be looking for you,

man.

I would not be wanting to be the one caught with the match in my hand or the

smell of matches anywhere on me.

They said it started in an ice cream shop.

Apparently the fire is still raging.

It was like a six alarm fire at some point,

man.

man. It's like a massive, massive

fire. We know what? We've got another

fire over here. We have one of the largest

ones going on over here, like, burning up almost

Yosemite. I mean,

Pajo.

And now we got another one right

up here that just started, dude. It's, like,

not too far north of here, man.

What the fuck? Everybody's getting these fires going.

Out here, like, all the hills are all, like, barren

and shit, so we don't got nothing up here on top.

I don't know. So I can't figure out where

the hell it's burning, dude, because, like, everybody

keeps all their hills barren around here, because when I

When I was in L.A., dude, I seen them things, man.

Those things were mountains on fire, dude.

I mean, and they were all barren, dude.

They were just molderingly hot.

Wow.

Yeah.

CNN reports the fire.

I couldn't breathe, man.

Yeah.

The fire started at Core Brothers Frozen Custard Shop on the Funtown Amusement Pier.

That's the pier at the end of it.

Luckily, I've been able to go there once before Sandy and I guess before this fire.

I was able to experience that boardwalk.

I went there last year, 4th of July.

not 4th of July, 2012.

I spent a weekend out in that part

and I got to hang out at the boardwalk. It was a pretty

cool place. It reminded me of when I

was younger. It's massive, huge boardwalk.

So many games and shit to do

there. Anyway, the fire

started

at 2.15 p.m.

and escalated to a six alarm fire

shortly before 4 p.m. Eastern

today. So it started

about nine hours ago, but

apparently it's still burning. It's been burning

for nine hours now. They say it's still

going right now yeah i don't know i woke up from my uh uh physically like what a quarter of a mile

a block or the how long does it look the boardwalk itself it's maybe three quarters of a mile but

then it towards the end where all the amusement area it's a big ass it's a big yeah it's it's

huge yeah i think total because it starts snaking at one point where all the rides are they it goes

out into the ocean kind of yeah it starts doing all this they got a big ass fucking commercials

i was gonna play a news story about it but it has a loud obnoxious moto x commercial

fuck that shit anyway i hate that man new iphones milkman you're gonna get the new iphone i know

you are the cheap one oh i know dude man i can't wait man that was at the five the five uh five x

5C.

5.1X?

5C.

There you go.

I see.

There you go.

I see, man.

That's a good shit.

All right.

Here's Holy Land Kosher Food.

And this and the one I have, like, one less button.

It has plastic and it has one more button on it.

You pay less for more buttons.

Well, it has more.

I figured you was going to get one less button.

Yep.

It has a...

There you go.

And it does it all in HD.

It has home button and second home button.

Makes sense.

Custard.

Holy Land Bursting.

Hello.

Hello, my name is Jimmy Custard.

Yeah, I'd like to make an order.

Okay, what would you like to order?

Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made you out of clay.

And when I come with dreidel, and dreidel I will play.

I dance around in the dreidel, the large dreidel, and I make you spin.

You know what I mean?

I don't know what you're saying, sorry.

Are you Jewish?

No, I'm not.

What are you, Mexican?

It says this is kosher food.

Yeah, before it was kosher, but now it's not kosher yet.

Ew, is it Muslim now?

Excuse me?

Is it Islam food now?

I don't understand.

What kind of food are you?

Fucking shit.

It is Israeli restaurant.

Oh, that's disgusting food.

Yeah, but right now it's not kosher.

It's choked.

You have pork?

No, we don't.

So how is it not kosher?

What, we have shellfish?

How to explain that, sir?

Explain it.

I command you.

I know.

You don't have a rabbi?

You don't have the rabbi coming in?

No, I don't.

So that's why it's not kosher? Because rabbi doesn't come in?

The only one person can explain the difference is the owner, but the owner is not here.

Where is he? Is he at home?

Yeah, she's at home.

What's the phone number?

Excuse me?

What's the phone number?

The phone number.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Give me one second.

Hurry up.

Okay, the phone number is...

And that's the owner?

Yeah, the owner's name is Mary, and she can explain you.

Okay, well thank you, honey baby.

baby. What was your name? My name is

Monica. Monica!

Yay!

Thank you, sir. I love you. Have a good night.

I love you. I want to kiss you. Oh, thank you.

I want to kiss and touch your hair.

Can I smell your hair? Do you use hairspray?

She's gone. Hairspray.

What's the owner's name? Mimi? Mimi!

Pick up the phone. I think she said Mimi.

Hello, Mimi! Your call has been forwarded to an

automatic voice message system.

Everybody has her number anyway. Everybody already

had it. I didn't mute so I

could hear it. Lazy. I don't

call her tell her who i am who cares i'd even offend the woman i just had a casual conversation

with her about dreidels and jewish i like dreidel songs pretty good milkman i imagine myself in a

giant dreidel dancing and spinning around and making the dreidel spin i think that'd be fun

you know that would be a funny dream if i had that dream you ever seen a whirling dervish before

for a whirling derbysh can't say i have have you ever seen one no no sir what is that dude that's

a trip and this guy yeah these guys do there's a religious ceremony for them and like they just

sit there and they twirl around and around in circles man and they uh take them up in the air

and they just on this rope and they keep on spinning around and around and they got like

several of them on this pole like going around in the air dude it is a trip man i don't know how

I don't know how they do it without getting dizzy, but whatever it is, they go in this

like religious trance, and they're like spinning around, man, around and around.

It's cool, man.

You ought to see it sometime, man.

I could never do it.

Sounds good, man.

You make it sound really fun.

Spinning derbis, whatever.

Spinning penis, whatever you said.

I don't know what you said.

Whirling derbis.

Yeah, yeah.

Check it out sometime.

I didn't believe it until I was heard about it, but I actually seen it once, man.

It's cool, man.

I was like, damn, that's what it is.

Yeah, it's kind of like they go in this religious ceremony, like a trance, or I guess that's

why they ain't dizzy i don't know i couldn't do it without being dizzy probably about 50 100 times

be enough for me i remember i was on a skateboard but i could do like 30 almost about 35 right

around there in the circles like but that was the most i could do i can't imagine you on it you

always say you used to 360 skateboard i can't imagine you rode a skateboard but whatever man

oh yeah i was pretty crazy man i was like making my own long boards i made a five five uh foot

foot board i made a four foot one but mostly i like the big 10 inch boards those are the ones

that like i got like size 13 feet but i started back in the eight inch days back when the boards

were way skinnier than your feet and then when you're riding up vertical you know those skinny

boards man they're hard to hold on to they kill you so you need a wider board well yeah

Yeah, the feed box slipped off.

Is that a restaurant that you're not speaking?

How can I help you?

Oh, Malacca.

I'd like to make an order.

Sure, what can I get for you?

One Malacca.

I'm sorry?

One Malacca.

I'm sorry, what is that?

One Malacca.

What is that?

One Malacca.

Hold on.

Thank you for holding.

How can I help you this evening?

I would like one Malacca, please.

You would like one Malacca?

Is that what you said?

Yeah, I'm ordering a Malacca.

A Malacca?

Yep.

Who is this?

Do you have pastries?

No, we don't have any pastries.

Oh, okay.

This is Gus.

It's who?

Gus.

I can't hear you, hon.

But no, I thought you were asking for whatever that, what you call idiots in Greek.

I thought that's what you were asking for.

I thought that was a prank phone call.

That's pretty funny.

No, my friends said to order malacca, that it's really good with phyllo dough, honey,

walnuts, cinnamon.

Baklava?

Malacca.

Malacca?

Yeah.

I think he's pulling your leg.

Oh, okay.

He was pulling something else before.

you know he's he said it's a dessert malacca oh i know he's okay hon um i think he's just

pulling your leg and trying to get you to prank call us really he was pulling himself and he said

this is malacca this is malacca he told me i'm like ew that means like idiot or like yeah well

like jokester he was pretending it was touching himself and saying this is malacca i'm like what

are you talking about he said oh it's a greek dessert it's really good you should order it

And then he, like, went to the bathroom for, like, 15 minutes.

Weird.

Yeah, totally.

You should just leave him in the bathroom and go somewhere else.

I think Milanka means masturbator or something, maybe.

I'm sure that falls under the description.

All right, honey, so are you Greek?

Am I Greek?

No, I'm Italian.

You sound hot, though.

Want to hang out?

Thanks.

Want to hang out?

I'm working right now.

What about afterward?

Do you want to get some ice cream?

Do I want to get some ice cream?

I don't even know who you are.

How can I answer this question?

I'm Carlos.

I don't know come in and we'll see

alright I'm going to come in I'll look for you

I'll see you later bye Tiffany

bye

I just imagined her name was Tiffany

she told me her name I don't know I just said Tiffany

she's like okay

this is Malacca this is Malacca

yeah okay

he was jerking off saying oh this is Malacca

yeah this is Malacca

Malacca guys Malacca

all right moving right along there you go man you got a handful of malacca i was one of lonesome

losers numbers here's a new voicemail we've received let's see if they said anything or

if it's just a quick hang up message oh my oh my i know no it's only three seconds long no message

left here's one that's 13 let's see if they said anything here 13 seconds yeah there you go milk

man we're not going to get the ring back wow man call it call him back man and buy him the ring

find.com he passed the test for a second i thought he meant he found my asshole i found your ring

that's what he meant really all right moving right along yeah i think maybe the graduate

yeah the atlantic motel you too can earn extra money in your off hour the atlantic motels within

a couple blocks of the boardwalk fire all right and we got their phone number here confirmed i

I guess they're still open because I saw Governor Christie.

Chris Christie was on the on the TV asking people not to go to the shore to go look at it and stuff, because it's really hard to get into that fucking place.

What about it's really it's a really nice place to call on fire.

It's on. It's burned down on the ground, dude.

Have you seen the video? Yeah, I'm sure someone's there right now.

It went to the ground.

Yeah, dude, it's the fucking it's the fire spread out through the boardwalk, homie.

Everything's gone.

We're going to get a beep, a long beep in a second.

Yeah, there it is.

Let me try them again.

Busy.

I would have imagined they evacuated, dude.

Because the fire was starting to spread out of the boardwalk.

It was starting to hit condominiums and shit.

Let me try again just in case.

But I doubt it.

Gas down or like if we come over hot dogs.

Oh, no, forget it.

Busy.

Anyway, moving right along.

The next number here on the list.

Carlos, you tell him you got to pee.

Hermano, you can tell him you got to piss and you'll help put out the fire.

I don't have to pee that much, dude.

Come on.

I'm diabetic, but I don't pee that much.

Yeah, but it's thought to count.

It's thought to count, man.

Okay.

Going back to Request a Prank.

Here's one UK Godfather sent in, which I know I gave him a lot of shit recently about sending

in shitty numbers, and then he turned that around with some good ones.

But I'm not going to call any more taxis, man.

Just stop sending in fucking taxi places.

I hate them.

All right.

He looked in his phone book and pulled up random numbers in Bristol, U.K., and the surrounding area.

They all had the last name Jones.

That's all we got.

Now, these were actually pretty funny the last time around, so I'm going to give it a shot.

So here goes for our good friend, U.K. Godfather, one of the greatest number-getter guys.

All righty then.

Now, the number comes up as Russia.

I just pasted the number in here, and that one that he sent came up as Mother Russia.

i don't think that's it let me try the next one seems to me he got the wrong country code i see

what he did he forgot the four four zero four four or whatever let me try that four four is it zero

four four no one four four plus four four shit there we go let's see if this does it it doesn't

look properly formatted to me invalid phone number yeah

i got a formatter for us and i came around to do it drop it make sure because it's easier for him

Yeah, I can't read that shit.

I'm playing very epic music here in the background.

Here's Josh and his buddy who are renting a one-bedroom apartment.

One-bedroom apartment being rented.

Two people already living in it.

They want another.

Shit.

Hello.

You're renting a room machine?

I'm renting what?

You're renting a room machine?

A what machine?

A room.

Oh, yeah.

I'm sorry.

A room on Craigslist.

Yeah, a room machine.

What can you tell me about the place?

Is it a nice neighborhood?

Um, yeah, it's right next to CSUN.

We're looking for students who are actually going to CSUN right now.

I am, I am.

Oh, okay, cool.

What's your major?

Business.

Huh?

Business.

Business, oh, okay.

Business management.

Yeah, that's cool.

Business.

Hey, that's some good sandwiches on campus, man.

You're on campus right now?

Mm-hmm, yeah.

You want to come hang out?

No, I'm over here at the apartment.

Oh, man.

So maybe can I come by and everything?

I work night shift, so it'd be nice if you were gone during the day.

Is that what you're going to do?

Yeah, I'll be at school during the day.

Perfect.

You'll be gone, and then I can do my own thing during the day.

I don't have to have you around giving me a hard time and all that.

No, no, no.

You can have me around if you want.

Do you stay quiet?

You don't make a lot of noise and talk and all that stuff, right?

No, yeah.

We don't party, so it's our last year here.

Okay.

All right, but what about at night and stuff?

Do you hang out and make noise?

No, we just basically watch YouTube shows on TV.

There's me and my roommate, and the apartment is one bed.

Okay, all right.

One bedroom.

All right.

We live in a living room with them.

All right.

At midnight, I start work.

I work from home.

Oh, you work from home.

I have a webcam show that I do.

Okay.

People send me money, credits, and I do little shows on the webcam, you know?

Okay.

I talk to them, and if they want to pay extra, then I might show my body or masturbate.

and stuff like that.

Yeah, that's not allowed, bro.

Masturbate is not allowed?

No, that's not allowed, man.

Why not?

Actually, it's my rules, right?

So it's not allowed.

Okay, I won't masturbate.

It's cool, man.

It's not allowed at all.

Where do I go to masturbate?

You're not allowed.

How about that?

I'm coming by.

Come on.

Come on, man.

Nope.

I just want a place to sleep during the day.

I'm going to hang up now.

At night, I do webcam sex shows.

Fucking idiot.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, man, these sandwiches are great.

You gotta try these sandwiches, man.

Mm.

Ah, it's good stuff.

All right, see you later.

Bye.

He's gone anyway.

He's been gone.

He's not into the whole idea about having a...

Dude, I think he was getting excited.

I think he got him masturbating.

That's why he disappeared so fast.

He's a Christian.

He doesn't believe in masturbation.

Yeah, you had the sandwich going there.

You could almost do a Jack Masterson, man.

Yeah.

Yeah, Mastator Sam.

Yes, I am calling regarding your ad about the Pokemon card.

I have a son that would just love to have them.

Ad for what?

What are you talking about?

Yes, I am calling regarding your ad about the Pokemon card.

I have a son that would just love to have them.

You can call me.

My number is 808.

It looks like there's some idiot that figured out the Madhouse number

and is posting it on Craigslist again,

trying to help out with the show without us asking or needing help.

I expected that was going to happen.

i did see a few red flags already i already actually um that's easy to fix anyway we'll

we'll change the number in about 10 seconds here so that won't be a problem with next week's show

congratulations for figuring out the madhouse number and trying to troll us wow

wow you're awesome long story i've known about it for about two days now actually

i'm like oh yeah someone's out there playing the same game that they always play

it's one dude

I know who he is too

he doesn't think

I know who he is

but I'm gonna run into

the guy in a fucking

convention one day

I'm gonna beat the living

shit out of him

in public

I swear to God

I know exactly

who the fucker is

I'm gonna beat the living

fuck out of him

just saying

stay away from your

hacker conventions buddy

I'll show up to one of his

speaking engagements

at one of the conferences

that's what I'll do

and then I do things

there you go

and I'm handing out flyers

yup

alright let me see

what Lonesome has here

number wise

we got more Greek numbers

This one's really close to you, Milkman.

Yeah.

All right.

Wait, wait.

Call them up and start saying Turkish cuss words to them.

Let's see if we can get a thing going on the other side.

Turkish cuss words?

All I know is Faisal and Hayvan.

That's all I know.

Yeah, you know, like we got there.

We're talking Greeks.

Thank you for calling Train College.

Can I help you?

Yeah, it's a lot to make an order.

What do I have for you?

One moussaka.

Moussaka?

Moussaka.

Okay.

One sister.

Sister?

Yep.

All right.

Anything else for you?

One malaka.

one malaka no malaka excuse me i don't understand you do you know what malaka is

yeah malaka that's my job can you say again please my job is malaka m-a-l-a-k-a is your name

yeah okay so uh i just want to make sure this is troy and college avenue yep yep i'm calling for

malaka yep you got it okay okay so i have the pastiche and moussaka right no malaka come on

You know what I'm saying.

For me?

I'm saying masturbator, Malaka.

I can hear you, sir.

Sorry.

I just want to make sure you order this moussaka and pastiche.

Masturbator.

Give me a moment.

Hello?

Are you people Mexican?

What would you like to order, sir?

Are you Mexican?

What would you like to order?

Answer my question, you little shit bitch.

Sorry.

No, this is rude.

Don't ever call this here again.

You whore.

Don't ever call again.

She's talking Spanish, I heard her.

No wonder.

Stupid woman.

I'm actually going to report your number right now to the police.

Why?

That's very rude, and we don't allow that in here.

And who cares if we are Mexican or not?

Because you're dirty.

We are going to report your number to the police right now.

Racism isn't a crime, you stupid, dumb bitch.

Racism isn't a crime.

I can be racist.

The mind police is going to get me.

The mind police.

Oh, you don't like Mexicans.

We're going to throw you in jail and throw away the keys.

I guess she don't like Mexicans either.

she is mexican she got all upset that was like mexicans either bro i don't know what's up with

that that was the whole point that was the whole point of asking mexicans honey that was the whole

point i wanted to see if i could get a taco too on the side that's all yeah i'll eat your burrito

honey okay actually the spicy one there it's midnight milkman hello you want pokemon cards

uh yeah that's what i was calling about oh get them out of your ass what the hell is your

You're a freaking problem.

Get him out of your...

Jackass, why are you fucking posting it on Craigslist, jerk?

Get it out of your ass.

How dare you?

Get it out of your ass.

Fuck you.

It's not for women.

There you go, Ken.

When he figures out what the madhouse number is, he starts doing all this shit.

Hello?

Yeah, fuck you, all right?

Why are you bothering me?

Leave me alone, you stupid asshole.

Fucking clear as this.

Oh, did you want Pokemon cars?

Is that what you were talking about?

So you're, what are you, a bipolar man?

Yeah, I called you for your Pokemon cards.

Oh, why don't you get them out of your fucking ass?

What?

Why don't you get them out of your fucking stupid ass?

All right, homo, fucking go fuck yourself.

Okay, if you're going to be that way.

All right, cool.

Yeah, Ken just off on the cards.

You still want them?

I hear Pikachu is good.

Pikachu.

Peek at you.

All right, let's continue.

Hello?

Did you want Pokemon cards?

Yeah.

Okay.

Put the ass on.

Get them out of your ass.

you know what get them out of your ass okay reach in your ass and pull out your pokemon cards there

you go are you trying to be funny or what no seriously that's what i want you to do i want

you if you want free pokemon cards to get it out of your ass that's what i prefer yeah that's just

a statement it's not a joke i'm just thinking that's what you should do i believe you can find

those items in your ass right in your asshole you can find them right there have you seen my baseball

He's gone.

Oh.

Yeah, you want Pokemon cards?

Yeah, yeah, man.

Go get them out of your ass.

Hey.

Yeah.

Take them out of your mother's pussy, bitch.

And you shouldn't be calling me so rude, dude, because I called you on the listing, man.

Let me put your number.

Well, you're a stupid asshole.

You keep calling me all the time, asking about stupid things.

Calling you all the time.

This is the first time I call you, you fuck-ass motherfucker.

You keep asking for this stupid shit.

You're a dick, man.

Grow some balls, dude.

Why do you want Pokemon cards?

I'm a chaser, motherfucker.

What do you want Pokemon cards?

You call me immature and you, okay, that makes perfect sense.

yeah did you want pokemon cards um not after that text oh i don't know because i

didn't know who you were i'm sorry i didn't know i didn't know what i didn't know what you were

talking about you just i have someone here who's you know harassing me all the time okay oh did

you want they put up a fake ad or is that your ad yeah i have pokemon cards did you want pokemon

Pokemon cards?

Yeah.

All right, get them out of your fucking ass.

All right?

Oh, you're cute.

Look at you.

Thank you.

I am cute.

You like me?

I'll do my little dance.

Oh, yeah.

Really precious.

He has them shoved up his ass, so he wants us to fish him out with a big, giant stick.

No, they're in your ass.

Yeah, he likes it.

Use your teeth.

I heard you like to eat asshole, you stupid little shit.

I'm in the wheelchair.

Would you blow me?

No.

Grow up.

You want Pokemon cards?

Yeah.

Oh, get him out of this woman's ass?

Hey, how about you eat a bag of dicks and then talk to me in the morning?

There we go.

In the morning, she says, okay?

Hey, I put my dick in a bag.

Why?

I just saw your ad on Craigslist.

I was on SanDiegoFreeStuff.com, and I saw the ad.

The ad said you had free Pokemon cards.

You don't make me cry.

Yeah, we have free Pokemon cards, man.

Do you want them?

Are you talking to me like that?

I'm a wheelchair accessible asshole.

You fucking get out of a woman's ass.

You pussy.

You diarrhea in that fucking ass.

Oh, shut up.

He sounds like he's getting fucked in the ass.

Hello?

Yes.

Hello?

Yeah, what's your problem?

Oh, I was calling.

You wanted my Pokemon cards, you said, right?

Hey, fuck you.

Fuck you.

Fuck you, too.

too. You have responded to me.

You know what? You're the one who posted

the ad. You're the one calling me

harassing me. If you continue, I will

call the cops and give them your number.

I didn't do anything. You called us.

You text you, and then you

call me swearing at me.

Try again. You texted me first,

you dumb bitch. Hey, put a man on the phone.

Come over here and tell me that.

Come over here, you fucking punk.

Put a man on the phone.

Fuck yeah.

He's a man.

He's a man that doesn't fucking swear at people.

Oh, I got something.

I got something I want to sell you, you motherfucker.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Does he scratch his armpits and smell his fingers after?

Fuck you.

Yeah, he does.

Wait, I'm going to turn your ass into the fucking car.

Okay, maybe we can all make peace here.

This is turning out to be kind of funny.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice.

So basically all these people texted or left voicemails about the fake trolling Craigslist ad that got left with our number.

It's amazing how many adults want Pokemon cards.

So I replied to every single one with just fuck you all lowercase.

And everyone's like, what the fuck?

What the fuck?

Boy, you said you could put the ad.

You put the ad.

Fuck you.

That's a whole thing.

Fuck yeah.

I'll sell some Pokemon cards.

And Google Voice will try to reach.

Oh, I'll talk to Kenneth Kniff.

Oh, fuck, yeah, you won't.

Kenneth Kniff.

He has no answer.

Mm, goddamn squirtle squirtle.

All right, no answer there.

All right, there's still people texting back saying,

why the fuck, what's your fucking problem?

Goddamn it.

I'm going to spit my beer out.

That's fucking great.

That reminds me of the Phone Losers podcast Brad did about four years ago

where he texted like 100 random people and said, fuck you,

and then just waited to see what the replies were.

Then he wrote.

That was hilarious.

Hey, Carlito, how about that hog shit last week in fantasy football?

We tied up, yeah.

It went from you were supposed to win by four

to I was supposed to win by eight to us fucking tying.

I don't know what happened, yeah.

Yeah, we tied up, man.

I'm getting a bunch of texts from all over.

People, can I pick up Pokemon cards?

Your quarterback did shit tonight, Carlito.

You know, Tom Brady didn't do shit.

I haven't seen the score, so I have no idea.

It was like 13-10 was the final score.

Oh, fuck.

Thanks.

I got RG3 still, but that means I'm going to lose probably to Eric.

I got Eric, right?

He's got a pretty good team.

Well, last week I had Russell Wilson pass for over 300 yards,

and I got only 39 points out of him.

He passed for 300 yards?

He passed for over 300 yards in that game against the Panthers.

What, did he end up with one touchdown?

That was it?

Yeah, it was one touchdown.

That's why.

It was a game of defense.

A defensive game.

Yeah, for fantasy football, you want high-scoring, close games.

Carlito had one guy left.

He was playing the last game on Monday Night Football.

He caught a touchdown, and it tied us up 190,

and there was still a half a football to go.

The whole half.

I'm yelling, like, don't touch the ball, you motherfucker!

And I'm just yelling at the TV.

All my guy had to do was catch the ball once, just one catch,

catch and i got why we'll get one point and i'd win the whole game yeah i'm sitting there i'm

like anytime they're throwing negro i was like don't you fucking touch the ball yeah i was

watching it at work we had it on a tv i was like you gotta be kidding me my co-workers are giving

me shit about it like oh you're gonna tie oh my god there's a whole half of football left it was

a whole fucking second half nope didn't get one fucking touch man i'm so fucking depressed but

hey whatever i'll lose this week i look at the bench and like the backup for the lions i have

have him on there he got fucking like 25 points i'm like you're fucking kidding me yeah uh here's

a guy who's replied back who says why are you hiding i'm sorry why are you hiding behind your

pussy text nigger hey nigger why you say fuck you that's what his response to me is let me talk to

him yeah i don't i think we shouldn't hide behind that text anymore yeah i should call up as a

wheelchair kid why you talk to me like that yeah i'm just gonna be scaring me since i'm i would

would change this number right now but i don't have the five bucks in my bank account so tomorrow

i'll do it so we might as well just burn it while we're at it yeah sure here you go ken have fun

with it this guy's angry because i said fuck you back then i'm gonna answer this fuck you also i

want to hear that show with brad doing that that sounds hilarious i think i might remember that

i think i kind of do yeah i can try to text you the uh link or something i can put on dropbox

People are so stupid.

Now this pussy don't want to answer.

Fuck you.

There was one guy behind your fucking voicemail, fag boy.

He's the one that doesn't answer.

That's the same guy from the last one.

Yeah, he says, holy shit, they're calling me now.

Yeah, yeah, where the pussies have tried to call him twice and he doesn't answer.

Yeah, oh, yeah.

Let me write that to him.

Hang on.

Yeah, I'm the pussy who keeps trying to call you and you don't answer.

Yeah, I'm the pussy who keeps...

Call him the N-word a couple times.

And you don't answer, you fucking beaner.

Yeah, I hit fucking Enigma, like, getting pissed last Friday.

We were calling the Waffle House, and I was doing the wheelchair guy voice,

and these people at the Waffle Houses were just fucking blowing me off.

Yeah.

And Enigma was like, that's fucking bullshit.

He goes, what if you were really handicapped,

and they're just fucking just saying, go fuck yourself and stuff.

That's fucked up, man.

It was funny, I was just asking

Brandon, I'm like, is your restaurant

wheelchair-accessible?

They're like, I don't know what you're saying, sir.

They were fucking hanging up on me and shit.

They don't want to deal with that.

It's like when Jack Masterson was asking for

curbside wheelchair service.

I asked him to come out and help me

get my wheelchair and come inside.

They're like, well, we can't do that, sir.

And I'm like, do you have some

fags and bangs?

Listen, to their credit, the Red Robin, the lady

at first was offering to give me a whole bunch of french fries and bring them out to the car i do

remember that in a trash bag that's cool yeah until i turned into the white devil she actually

was kind of cool about it at first she resisted but then she was like all right fine i'll do it

anyway devil was the deal breaker yeah here's a guy who sent back why twice why question mark

when i said fuck you to his response why that's what he said why i'm gonna say just like that to

I'm going to make fun of him.

I'm like a bully.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Push him around.

I'm going to push something.

Yeah, you want Pokemon cards?

It's what I said on the Craigslist ad, but then you responded.

Yeah, and then you're like, why?

Why did you say that?

Well, because you said, fuck you on your text.

Yeah, and you're like, why?

Like a little whiny little girl.

Why?

How old are you when you play Pokemon?

No, I don't play Pokemon.

my fucking grandsons

play Pokemon

you fucking bitch

go to fucking hell

you hear me

you little fucking asshole

you mean your granddaughters

you little queer

little bitch

Volante

go suck yourself

your little ass

uh huh

okay

hey you wanna have a fight

oh fuck yeah

little ass

why

listen here

cowboy

your granddaughters

he's so whiny

he doesn't sound old enough

to have granddaughters

Yeah, he's just hiding the fact that he likes to whack off over Pokemon cards.

What the hell is this?

Some guy has a whole story here.

Who fucking cares?

Let me call her back and tell her I don't need to hear that shit.

She needs a dick in her mouth, so she'll shut the fuck up.

What's your problem?

Yeah, she needs to be poked, not Pokemon cards.

Are you in a post-menopausal heat cycle or something?

Tell her you took the cards from a retarded kid in the wheelchair.

Hello?

I'm sorry about that.

That was my nephew.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

You called about Pokemon cards?

You had a whole story?

Yes, yes, I did.

You had a whole story about your son?

Yeah.

I live off of Decatur in Washington.

Oh, yeah, I still have them, but it's like,

Like, I don't need to hear the whole story, your whole life story and all that.

No.

It was just funny because my son just asked me about them,

and then I looked on Craigslist and saw that, and I was like, oh, that's funny.

Oh, maybe you're postmenopausal in a heat cycle or something, you know?

You're talkative about stuff that I don't care about, you know?

It's like, who cares?

Well, I don't have Pokemon cards.

That bathroom's not.

What?

Bathroom?

Talking to the phone.

No, she's gone.

She's saying, I don't need Pokemon cards that bad.

Is that what she said?

something she needs she needs something that bad right yeah it was nice how you said i don't need

to hear the whole life story then she fucking told you it again yeah she doesn't need pokemon

cards bad but she needs a poking bad milkman sounds like he's twice my age and i said he's

my nephew who was talking about shooting loads told her you shot a load on the fucking cards

milkman was like i shot a load on the cards and like i'm sorry that's my nephew

what's wrong with your nephew he sounds like an old man driving a taxi milkman i'm sorry i didn't

mean to call you old man i'm sorry okay i i miss milkman he's here milkman's here he just uh talked

about it's all right you young whippersnappers watch this i like calling milkman lechero

lechero that's spanish for milkman isn't it no it's more like meat man yeah i was watching some

show, and he was like, oh, yeah, I fucking

killed this guy, and I dressed up as a lechero,

a milkman, and I'm like, that'll be

his new name. Yeah, because a lecheria

is like a meat place.

They sell meat by the pound. Really?

I thought that was a carniceria,

or whatever. Or carniceria. Yeah, maybe

I'm wrong. Oh, yeah, I'm thinking

Puerto Rico because of lechon, which is

pork. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I looked it up.

They said lechero was milkman.

You know, Filipinos eat lechon.

He's right. I'm way off. Sorry,

guys. You're right. Carniceria.

X, Y, Z has a good point.

He says your nephew has Benjamin Bunny syndrome.

Speaking of lechon, we had a really awesome lechon at our wedding reception.

Yeah?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's good.

Filipinos eat lots of lechon.

You know the best lechon I've had is Cuban style because they put it in this box, an aluminum box.

That sounds good.

It's called Cajacina.

It means Chinese box.

What the Cubans do is fucking amazing.

They dig a pit, okay, in the ground.

Instead of roasting the pig.

Oh, a Cubana sandwich.

Yeah.

Well, the Cubans dig a trench in the ground.

They throw charcoal in there and start a huge fire, okay?

Then you put this pig in this aluminum box.

It looks like a coffin almost.

And you drop that into the ground, and then you cover that up.

And it cooks with the charcoal, the hot embers.

But it cooks all around it or something.

You've got to look at the process.

It's really, really cool.

cool like the church that my parents went to that's how they used to make it they they bought

one of those to cost them like a hundred bucks but they would just dig a hole and put the pig

inside this metal box and it would go underground where they had this raging really hot fire they

would cover it up and all it was really really dope you gotta check it out best sweet best pig

better than like when you have it up on a steak or whatever however else people do but that that's

the fucking holidays man in puerto rico that's all they fucking need is pork and fucking plantains

i missed the coquito too man that's some good drink right there coquito heck yeah that's some

good drink thursday carlito we're gonna that's a real treat man my ex she would make the best

coquito man yeah we're gonna have some fun with krispy kreme next thursday why is uh next thursday

if you go into their store and talk like a pirate you get a free donut oh cool or or if you go in

in there dressed as a pirate like in full fucking attire yeah you get a free dozen so we should be

making some phone calls to krispy kreme next week yeah i'll be like i copy all my music all right

i even got those eye patches too man there you go with a smiley face on it hey that guy's

he keeps texting about call bag nigger and now he said i see how you are pussy

so he's calling ken out this is ken's bait ken motherfucker you're really gonna lay into this

guy. Here he is. Me and Lysol

are going to fucking come over. Tell him you'll show him your

pussy if he'll answer the phone.

He never fucking answers.

What does it say? Don't call this number?

I don't know. He's a fucking pussy,

man. Text him back and tell him to answer

his phone so we can arrange a meeting

place. God, how do you have to...

Send him an email.

Guys, I don't know. Someone

else asked about it and I replied

back, are they still

available? And I said, let me check and see

Which is part of the prank call

Where Saul checks for the chainsaw

And then he falls down

Let me check inside my pants

And see if they're still available

I should play that

I should do that

Yes, let me check and see

That would be awesome

I'll do that

Let me call this guy and do that

You've got to imitate his voice

I'm going to do my best Saul impersonation

Here

Alright everyone

everyone. This is the first Saul Rosenberg

impersonation on Madhouse Radio.

I'm not copying the Jerky Boys.

I'm paying homage to

Johnny Brennan here.

Fuck yeah.

My name is

Julian. I can't.

I'm not at the phone right now.

My parents can't answer

the phone right now.

Sounds like he's a special person.

So his parents, their song is

R. Kelly, I Don't See Nothing Wrong.

Isn't it R. Kelly, right? I Don't See Nothing

Nothing wrong with a little Bumper Ground?

Yeah, Bumper Ground.

Yeah, you're right.

I thought so.

Oh, that was that.

You sang that song to a dude once in a call, Curly.

Do you remember that?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

No, he told you to come by and he's got a .357 waiting for you.

Yeah.

He's like, I'm a dude, man.

You know who else did that?

Reklud did that, too.

Reklud and then Richie Randall, his first one, he sang that song.

He wanted the band to sing that, the hip-hop band.

He wanted him to sing that to Francine

And she's like

Oh I can't

I can't

Promise you they'll do that

They're more of like a rap group

I don't see

I called you a while back

With that guy with the

Truck with the plow

And he's supposed to wear

A fucking little skirt and shit

That called Stoker

The fucking guy was down

When you were

You were supposedly on your way

And it's got like 400 gears

In that fucking Jeep

You're like

I'm a little bit

He was drunk though man

That guy was drinking

Hello

Yes

You called for

The Pokemon cards

Yeah

Alright

All right, let me check and see.

Okay.

Hello?

He fell.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah, there you go.

All right.

Wow, that was pointless and stupid.

Wow.

He just kind of sat there like, yeah, he fell.

And he's like, huh.

Huh?

Okay.

I can't say that was my best idea ever.

It's worth a try.

I can't say Dallas doesn't love you, Mr. President.

Okay, here is someone else calling for Pokemon cards.

You guys, can you do it?

Because you've been wanting to talk to that one guy who doesn't answer.

Yeah, fucking asshole.

Seriously.

Venture anger here.

Please leave your...

Okay.

Hey, Nygma said I should call more Waffle Houses and get wheelchair assistance.

Dude, I guess so.

They don't really want to help you out.

That's kind of fucked up, man.

Oh, they were...

I was doing stupid shit.

I'm like, do you have some Franks and Banes?

They're all like, no.

I started a fake crowd.

And I'm like, all I wanted was some franks and bands.

Shit, fat in there.

They're like, I don't know what's going on.

I'm like, do you have some links or patties?

They're like, we only have patties.

I'm like, couldn't you have called it to make it look like a link?

Links are way better.

They're not as greasy.

UK?

Yes, UK.

The Uck.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

I'm calling with your Fusion brand call.

I would like to talk to your sister.

Your sister?

Do you have sister?

Bring her in front of me, and I'll wake her up.

Why would you want to talk?

I want to wake up your sister, because she's British and I'm not, and she talks different.

No, I will not.

I may call later, just to let you know.

Is that okay?

Meep.

Okay.

Just putting him on notice that you may call later.

Hello?

Yes, you tried to call me back.

Hello?

Okay, he's going to stay there.

There he is again.

I want to scrub your yellow teeth with the tip of my dick.

No toothpaste, motherfucker.

Royal Service might have to see about this.

There he is again.

Hey, stupid.

please hold the line hello yes hold the line hold the line please we have a special message

hold the line we have an important message coming in for you please hold the line do not hang up

it's an urgent message from the royal service royal service teletype hold the line you have

a special message okay the message is from 10 downing street sir are you ready to copy it down

hello this is david snozzwell i have an urgent message from the royal service are you ready

to copy the message down don't put the phone down okay i don't know where the please hold

the line kept coming from that's pretty funny please i don't see nothing hello please do not

hang up this is urgent and you're just digging yourself a deeper hole by hanging up who am i

speaking with somebody who's not interested mate no my name is don't don't hang up oh he hung up

What a wanker.

Here he is again.

Limp dick motherfucker.

Welcome to voicemail.

How can you have called? It's unavailable.

Please leave a message after the tone.

Meep. No, we won't be doing that.

Then we look back at Lonesome's

log here. Or Lonesome's chat, rather.

I'm just flabbergasted at the

gratitude we get after what we did in

World War II.

Seriously, let's fuck up. All that shit,

all those blood and tears and sweat.

Oh, yeah. Speaking of

of gratitude i wanted to thank you mr for hooking us up there with some skypage brother thank you

sir i was just thinking that no problem thank you mr baz i was just thinking that thank you

all right you guys have entertained us for so many years uh it's no problem all right so then

i'll hang up on you then all right see you okay bye out of my ass all right this is michael

mogford i i put the list in skype chat if any of you two want to join in on oh jose was trying to

to call and let me boost him in here yeah can i take a uk call sure i'm gonna do the first one on

the list there if you see it go for it michael mogford that sounds cool sounds like a harry

potter character do you want to take that or do you want me to take it no you okay you pay ten

dollars for this damn right welcome to voicemail god the person you have called is unavailable

i'll try them again the big man jose are both here good it's male the person you have called

is on the phone. Going straight to voicemail.

The next one, then, is Michael

Sellors. Sellors.

Sellors. Okay. Got it.

Welcome to voicemail.

The person you have... And again.

Welcome to voicemail. The person

you have called is unavailable. Please

leave... Holy crap, man. Damn.

What the hell's going on? It's two in a row like that.

Here's the next. David Beat.

B-E-E-T. Beat.

David Beat.

He likes to beat the meat. Beat off.

Hello, Mr. Beat. Mr.

Mr. David Beat.

Yes, my name is David Snoswell.

How are you doing this morning, my good sir?

I'm fine in the morning.

Yes, I'm calling from Chicago, Illinois, and I'm with the Royal Service.

I have a very important and urgent message for you.

Are you ready for your urgent message?

Yes.

Are you aware of the recent outbreak of salmonella in the United Kingdom?

No, I'll just walk.

No, don't go back to sleep.

You need to hear this.

Don't hang up.

Hello?

Dickbag.

I'll call him back.

He needs a call back.

Yeah, he does, because we were so close.

Make him go check the water on his toilet or something.

It's almost there.

Hello, your call cannot be taken at the moment, so please leave your...

Hello.

Turn it again.

Hello, your call cannot be taken at the moment, so please leave your...

message after the tone.

Breaking news.

Here's another one of them voicemails.

Listen.

Hi, little dooper.

I want you to go ahead and go fuck your little asshole.

You fucking little bitch.

Yeah, my kind of bitch.

Fuck yeah.

I think that's the dude who posts the number.

Sounds like him.

Might be.

What?

What the fuck was that?

That's the guy that doesn't want to answer.

That's the guy who is calling us a pussy.

You specifically.

He's calling you a pussy, but he won't answer the phone for us.

What a bitch.

He really showed you, Ken.

Yeah.

He sounds like Milkman when he's using his vaporizer over there.

You hear that, Milkman?

It sounds like you.

Man, that's a good shit.

smoke beds vaping

hey bitch

god damn

you gotta stop

actually if you listen carefully it sounds like he

may be ass fucking a pig

play it back and listen real close

I think he is porking a pig

I think you're right I hear the oinking

poor pig

alright well

there you go

hey Carlito how's it going

hey Jose que pasa

dude i have like closely over 50 craigslist ads you what you've got over what uh replies for the

free tv free xbox and free pokemon cards you're getting replies for free pokemon cards you are

yeah oh well you did this or someone else did it to you no i did it oh you did it well i'm getting

pokemon cards maybe you are you did you put my phone over there are you the stupid no no

hell i'm not that bunch of all right put them on the list yeah you're on the story you're on the

watch list here's oceanside california where someone says if you still have the cards my

pokemon cards is very important i have my kids will love the pokemon cards can you text i'm in

the middle of something uh let's call anyway okay she's in the middle of something fuck her or him

yeah you stole them from a retarded guy named ken you should not have texted me i like how upset

said the first people were like how dare you call me text me back fuck you hello yeah you used you

text me oh yeah yeah i text you what do you my name is are you busy what are you doing uh no i'm

just reading i'm doing homework oh i thought you were with your boyfriend having a fucking or

something like that what no i thought you were busy like hanging out with your boyfriend or

something fucking him uh yeah no no no no i'm doing homework oh good that's good that's good

Yeah, I had the free cards.

Did you want Pokemon cards?

Yes.

Oh, we're all going to say it at the same time.

One, two, three.

Get them out of your ass.

Bitch.

Oh, okay.

Where do you live?

Oh, in the back of a rusted out Nissan Altima.

Do you want to come over, baby?

The front seats got clear.

I took all the trash out of the front seat.

You can hang out there.

Talk to me.

We usually just dump the trash in the front seat.

But since we're expecting companies, you can sit there.

there you can repeat me again because i didn't understand you talk

how big are your boobies fuck yeah are you doing english homework is that what you're doing

is your is your part of your homework talking in english to people for practice oh no oh okay

all right no nothing uh bye all right how many fingers can you take how many fingers can you

put in your machine are you doing sex homework oh fuck how big are your areolas damn it car back

i'm assuming fried egg i got a question for her fried egg more like dropped egg you have reached

the sprint voice mailbox of all right we got lk john california where a dude got called and i saw

your ad on craigslist is what he said i don't know if we've called this one already but here we go

and then i'll get to some more uk numbers don't worry don't worry yeah david southwell got no

respect tonight hello pokemon cards yeah oh i'm gonna put baz on the line because i got a lot of

shit i gotta do hey hey i'm baz you want pokemon cards yeah yeah i got uh charmander and pikachu

and electorb and uh chodazode are you interested in those cool so you want the uh the chodazode

Vas deferens

And the penisaur

Testiculon

Testiculon and the penisaur work really well together

Sperminal duct

And then you basically play them

Against the vaginor

Card

Okay.

I also have magic cards.

We have the Isle of Langerhans.

Yeah.

We have the Pancreatic Cell.

I don't know.

I have a lot of magic cards.

Oh, well, they now let you play magic cards.

You can incorporate them in Pokemon.

So you could cast Pancreatic Cell.

It's one white, and it does one-one damage to all creatures and buries all lands.

Yeah, it's fucking killer, man.

I don't think my life partner, Ken, wants me to sell my cards, but I'm going to anyway.

I'm sorry for interrupting.

Excuse me.

Because Ken and I are breaking up, so I'm going to sell my cards.

Oh, okay.

He's telling me not to.

They're actually his cards.

He told me if you sell my cards, I can get some Franks and Beans.

We're done.

I'm tired of your retarded ass.

Want some Franks and Beans?

No, no more Franks and Beans.

You're not getting my Frank and Beans.

Let me go check for those.

Would you like my Frank and Beans, my good sir?

Let me go check for those cards.

Hey, dude, I'll tell you what.

Why don't we get together and suck your dick?

How about that?

I don't really have Pokemon cards for sale.

I'm just trying to lure people into sexual encounters.

Are you interested?

Guess not.

Good gosh.

Immediate hang up.

That did it.

There's a real creepy element to the way you say stuff like that sometimes, Baz.

I'll be listening at work, and one day you were like,

oh, I'm going to come up and put it on your butt.

I was like, ew.

Well, I'm going for that angle.

Yeah, but then I was imagining your kid walking up on you.

Didn't that happen to you once?

Yeah, that's the danger.

You were saying something real perverted once

and you said your kid walked up on you

and you're like, oops.

Keep imagining that's going to happen to you.

I'm going to have to look over my shoulder.

Your wife?

Two seconds.

Your wife's going to kill you.

Oh, this is Farnsworth.

Hello?

Hello, Ms. Farnsworth.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

I've got Mr. Ken Keneff here.

He had a message for you.

Go ahead, Mr. Keneff.

Hey, fuck yeah.

When's the last time you brushed your teeth, you old broad?

Can I play with your violin?

did you say your violin yeah she got it though she was like oh dear

your vine i want to play with your violin okay i'm just imagining a big hairy pussy or something

as a violin whatever uh let me refresh the google voice here do you still have pokemon yeah just a

lot of people asking about pokemon cards no one else is reacting negatively so we'll let that go

um few more calls here and we're gonna call it a night we're working off of the uk in the chat

in the uh skype chat here guys i've got three numbers left this is david old no old no huh okay

old canal i think it's been forever since i've had a funny uk call yes i'm calling with your

joke of the day are you ready fuck off good there was a chair there was a chair fuck off no sir i

haven't had a funny uk call like it seems like a year i let everyone else do the uk calls the ones

I do whenever I'm bored.

Yeah, listen, joke of the day.

You signed up for it.

Now you've got to listen to it.

No, I didn't sign up for nothing at all.

Did you want to cancel it?

It's a pretty ridiculous time in the morning.

Do you want to cancel it?

I didn't sign up for anything at all.

God, it sounded like I was preaching at the pulpit.

Welcome to National Porno Service.

Hello?

Yes, good morning.

This is your joke of the day telephone call.

Do you realize what time it is?

Yes, it's time for your joke of the day.

six o'clock in the morning it's six o'clock on the dot actually it is do you realize

hello yes your joke of the day you stupid cunt listen there was a chair

you're i have to give you the joke i have to read this joke to you joke of the day

to who oh do her again maybe i should rebuke her from the royal service

Where do you want to take it?

Oh, hello, honey.

Fuck you, old bag.

He's back there.

Put your husband on the line.

Call someone else here and we'll keep her there.

You twisted cunt.

What a bint.

Borrowed a John Holmes dildo from my man, Milkman.

That mulatto motherfucker, Milkman, with the John Holmes dildo.

It's too bad I could ever talk to those guys again.

They really hated Milkman.

I think they thought Milkman and Ted were the same person.

they just

they're fucking those guys man

alright well hey listen that old lady

still talking in the background yeah I'm gonna keep

her on while we do the outro I'm calling it

a night Enigma I'll see you later take it easy

there big guy see you man

bye alright and Ken you know

what can I say

they used to call me fire hose

alright there you go fire

hose see you

later Baz thanks again for helping us out

with a little bit of credit machine no problem

All right.

Hey, Milkman, take us out of here.

Oh, shit, I'm back.

Shit.

Go away.

Oh, yeah.

Well, Milkman, we're done.

Okay.

Yeah.

Are we there?

Yeah, we're done.

You go.

You're here.

You take us out.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck, yeah.

There you go, kiddos.

This is what I tell you, man.

Another fantastic storm right here.

Madhouse.

That's right.

Everybody's favorite.

This is an internet radio show.

Show the most agonizing fire right here.

I want to thank especially our numbers hit man.

Everybody hold your hands high for the numbers hit man.

Thank you so much.

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

Also want to give us.

No, bud.

Yep, yep.

Hey, you there, old lady?

She just tried to hang up, but she left it off the hook again.

Go ahead.

I'm sorry.

I just wanted to see if she was listening.

Oh, yeah.

No, no, no, no.

We don't want to interrupt her.

We definitely need her.

She's part of the show, man, because she's part of the friends.

She can even bring her enemies, too, next time.

I definitely want to thank Mr. Baz for helping set all her friends over there.

At the Madhouse, everybody in the mouth.

Grandma, wake up, Granny.

Grandma.

Mommy, Mommy.

She's trying to bang us in the ear.

Go ahead, Milkman, you were saying you thank Lonesome Loser, right?

You thank Lonesome already?

Oh, yeah, poor Granny.

Definitely want to thank everybody over there in the Madhouse, everybody in the mouth.

Thank you so much, everybody, for stopping by.

Mr. Ken, thank you.

Jose, and I'm not sure where else.

but thanks a lot there's a lot of fun like to thank uh some of our special guests out there

saying a big shout out to miss maven hey girl hey she's still alive folks i just want to give

you a shout out there just talked to her a little while ago yeah also want to thank you that's right

especially you our listeners we do this every week the most interactive radio show you can find right

here on the internet ask that you just bring a friend or better yet bring an enemy they're

always welcome right here just give us some time and we'll drop the dime always welcome right here

in the madhouse i want to especially thank our fearless leader the general easy move the mad

that's right thank you man how many lives did we save saving lives one call at a time

we actually killed someone tonight probably so negative one all right i think a couple took a

shit on their

Pokemon cards

after I attacked

on them.

Alright, I'm

gonna go, Milkman.

You have yourself

a great night,

and I'll catch

you later.

Bye, everybody.

Thanks, everyone,

for tuning in

and all that

and helping out.

Bye.

Calls (25, 59 min of 2 h 8 min)

Transcript

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