Thanksgiving 2013 Prankathon 5/7 – Roy and Staci in the Afternoon

I told my friends I would dance with the wind. I told them all, thank you much. I told my world, you're here for me. I told them all, leave me be.

Trying to call, what's her face? She's making me call a phone number instead of her Skype.

Damn it.

Ah.

Hello?

Hey.

Hey, what's up, bro?

Oh.

You know.

we're live oh yay we're live you should just let me call you on skype really is it better

on skype i don't know i haven't talked to you on skype today it's up to you though i really don't

care well it's gonna be just like when uh when like it cuts out and stuff but i don't think it

does that on my phone yeah that's true i don't know it's up to you boo i don't know i call

call everyone boo now just for today oh yay yay i have to still charge up my iphone so i won't be

able to do video for a while but um i was thinking i could get my little walkie talkie and head over

to wherever you want me to head over to wait what are you talking about walkie talkie i have walkie

walkie-talkies okay and they're and i can get them and listen to what employees are saying

they're actual what like walmart walkie-talkies i don't know it's just a walkie-talkie well it

has to be on their frequency that's like a billion channels it could be well this is 23 channels i

have 23 channels it's like a family radio right oh i spent $100 on this for nothing what okay

No, I didn't. I'm just smoking around.

I don't give a shit.

So what do you want to do? I'm all ready for you, boo-boo.

Well, one of your ideas was for me to prank people at stores while you hang out at the stores

and tell me the reactions of people and film them, which sounds hilarious.

Well, that's what the iPhone was for, but it's not charged up yet. I was going to get video.

Yeah.

All right, so I'm just going to go to a store right now, and maybe I can just, like, oh, oh, oh, to warm up.

I was actually thinking what we might do.

You can call the McDonald's that I'm going to to get a soda and just be like, yeah, that lady that's coming through the drive-thru in a silver Toyota, don't serve her.

Just don't.

Okay.

And not say why and see if they turn me down.

How are you going to let me know, like, what place to call without letting...

I'm going to have to get on Skypey and...

Okay.

Here, I'll send it to you before I leave.

Hold on.

Okay.

Just call them real quick.

You know what's weird about this?

I might go to this McDonald's another time and then they're going to be like...

They'll think you're interesting.

It'll be okay.

It'll be like when I got you kicked out of...

Don't.

You didn't get me kicked out of anything

Oh, I made you too embarrassed

Are you talking about when

I called up my ex-boss at Denny's?

Oh, no, I remember

I used to hang out at a Denny's

And I would call there

And try and get them to pay you and stuff

Yeah, but you didn't get me kicked out

I just stopped going there

Because I was embarrassed

Yeah, that's what I mean

You'll be too embarrassed

To go to this McDonald's

Oh, I'm going to choose one

That I don't go to

Oh, come on, who cares?

They'll think you're weird and stuff

And interesting

And interesting?

Yep.

It'll work out.

In the end, you'll...

Okay, let's do a call to Staples first while I figure things out, okay?

What?

That way I can say, you know, the sign thing.

You're going into Staples?

I can, but I thought I would just do a sign prank real quick.

A sign what?

A sign prank.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, so you just want me to call any Staples anywhere?

Okay, let me look up a Staples.

Yeah, because I want to try to do that again

Because that was hilarious

Let's see

I'm tired, are you tired?

Oh, I'm tired

I think we should stop and go to bed

Yeah, fuck this show stuff

So anyway, this is the 24

Yeah, this is the 24 hour marathon

I hope someone takes over

I'm getting ready to hang up

Oh wait, do we have to do this for 4 hours?

Yep, I do

You can leave early if you want

That's what they said at work

Okay, so are you going to talk to Staples first, or am I?

No, I'll talk to Staples first, and then you can call back and be the angry husband that heard the whole conversation.

Ah, stupid Skype's doing its...

Oh, that didn't sound good. Hold on. Let me try again.

Okay.

Calling Staples. We're here to make it easy.

Make sure you check out staples.com today.

It's better, faster, and bigger than ever before.

For store hours and directions, press 1.

Our associates are currently assisting other customers.

Please continue to hold cross assistance.

Crosshead with the MailChair, this is Rick.

How can I help you?

Oh, hey.

My name is Stacy.

I'm wondering if you have any Black Friday specials on signs that I can get printed?

Yeah, we actually have some promotions going on right now.

What kind of signs do you need?

It needs to be a huge sign.

Mine, basically what I want to do is, like, have it stretch across the entire front of the house.

And I don't know if that's going to be too big, but how big do you think it will go?

Is that what you're looking for?

Yeah, I need a giant banner.

It's a special occasion for my husband.

Okay, because I have right now where you could get a small indoor banner.

It's basically a three-foot by one-and-a-half-foot banner, and it's $5.

How big is it?

It's 3 1⁄2, 1 1⁄2.

See?

Yeah.

Okay, we're talking in feet here.

How is it going to do outdoors, though?

Because this needs to be outdoors.

I don't know how this is going to work.

Okay, yeah, that one's an indoor banner.

Well, basically for our outdoor banner.

So what's the difference?

Like, can I just put an indoor banner outside?

You could.

However, the weather conditions, like after a little while, it's fading.

Well, it's only one day.

It's only one day.

Yeah, it was.

Yeah, you'd be able to use that then.

Well, I don't know if everything's going to fit on there, though.

That's not a lot of, I don't know.

I guess I can, you said that's only $5, though?

Yeah, it's on special.

It's basically today's the last day.

Can you make it, like, okay, I have an idea.

Okay, because I have a lot to say on there.

Maybe what I could do is get two banners and just have the text.

Yeah, that's what I'm going to do.

Yeah.

I'm just going to get two banners.

Okay.

So, can I pick it up today, or kind of, like, I want him to see it before he comes home.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, so the sooner that you come in, or the sooner that you send it, the sooner we can

print it.

Can you just set it up for me right now, and I can come home?

Well, yeah.

I don't have a computer.

I don't have a computer or anything right now.

I'm not really home, so.

So, do you think, like, can I just, like, staple it, you think, with a staple gun to the roof, like you do with Christmas lights, you think?

You could.

You could do that.

Okay.

I think this will work.

Yeah.

Okay.

So, let's order it.

Well, like I said, as far as the design is concerned, you'd have to come into the store and do the design.

Well, what's your name?

My name is Rick.

Rick.

Okay.

I don't need a design.

I just need it to say words in, like, I don't know, pick a good font.

Yeah, we'll do that for you.

Comic Sans or something, and I want it to be in red.

I'm starting my car now.

I'm heading over soon, but I live, like, 45 minutes away.

No, I want to get it ordered.

Okay, it needs to say.

I need to think for it for the order to go through.

Can you just put it in your little computer and tell me if this all fits and looks good?

Because it's a lot of work.

Well, I have to take care of some other customers right now.

I have some of you that have to talk.

Well, that's kind of, I mean, you're just going to turn down my business like that?

I mean, that's kind of rude.

No, well, unless you want to hold on, because I have to take care of them.

No, I can't hold on.

Basically, I wanted to say, no, I wanted to say, dear boy, I know you're cheating on me.

Don't come home.

I know you fucked my sister.

I fucked your brother twice.

Is that going to fit?

I don't know.

I mean, it's a lot, and I don't know if you have any suggestions on how I can condense that.

I mean, I don't have to use the cuss words, but it kind of, like,

I just want everyone in the neighborhood to know what a dick he is,

and I didn't really have sex with his brother.

I was just saying that.

But, you know, I just want to, like, let him know in the most non-confrontational way

and let the whole neighborhood know, and it's the only way I could think of.

Because, like, one lady actually did this.

She rented a billboard, but I don't have money for a billboard.

Oh, absolutely.

So, yeah, so can you help me figure out how to, like, condense that into,

I don't know how to, I'm not really that great with words.

What do you mean condense?

I need to condense it, like, into, to fit, you know,

you gave me, like, really small dimensions, basically.

basically um well i have a larger banner size if you want to do that yeah i mean if you like

but it's not the five dollars special yeah how much is the larger banner uh the next one up you'd

be looking at a 1999 and what size is that uh that one is uh let me see that one's a six six

foot by one and a half so one and a half feet okay well see i can just get two of those three

by one and a half

and stick them together.

Yeah.

So, like,

can you put that

on order or something?

Because it takes me

45 minutes to get there

and I just,

I don't want to drive down there

if you can't even do this.

Like, I've had,

I've called other stores

and they've turned me down

for what I'm trying to do.

But, I mean,

it's not like it's unethical

or anything.

It's, I mean,

who's the one cheating on me?

Yeah.

So, I mean,

I don't know if you guys,

like, if I put printed by Staples,

maybe I can get a discount

because that's like advertisement

to do that. What was that again?

Yeah, do I get a

discount if I put printed by Staples

at the bottom? Because then everybody

will know, you know, Staples printed

this, I can get, you know,

when my husband cheats on me, like

Altman eventually do,

I can, you know,

I can just order from Staples. You guys

can be known as the company that

prints these types of banners, which it's

I think it's a good market, actually.

think about it um but why is that i don't know why you're laughing at me but i mean i don't know

what do you think how should i say it i i honestly don't know but you know whatever that you need

printed we could definitely print it for you well can you write it down for me and like get the

order in because i kind of kind of in a hurry okay give me one second okay oh god it's even funny

I think it's hilarious.

Just kidding.

It's horrible.

Horrible.

God.

All right.

You can hang up on him.

You hang up on him.

I'll talk to him when he comes back.

I'll say I've been listening this whole time.

Oh.

Okay.

You say that you took the phone from me.

It's still on hold.

Hello?

Can you hear me?

Stacy?

Hello?

Yes?

Hi.

How can I help you?

Please hold.

Oh, it's my favorite hold song.

I'm jumping out to McDonald's.

I never go to.

I'm tired of holding.

I'm going to hang up.

I don't know.

It could be hilarious.

If you say so.

It could be the angry husband.

What?

If you say so.

Can you really not hear me?

I can't.

What would you say?

We're going to have to do Skype.

Skype?

If you can't hear me.

No, I'm fine.

I turned off the music so the music doesn't interfere with your cell reception.

Oh, you hung up on him.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

Oh.

You have to call back and talk to Rick as the angry husband.

Say you just ripped the phone out of my hand and put me in my corner.

I just hung up.

Don't you want me to call McDonald's now?

okay hold on so we can do things that are hilarious to you and nobody else well whatever

do you even want to do this of course no i'm kidding i'm just messing i'm being a jerk

okay hold on i'm gonna tell you where where it's at um should i just say it over the phone

uh you could yeah i think i can call it quickly enough that no one else can call in yeah go ahead

and go ahead and like can you pause so no one can hear it real quick can i pause what can can you

pause the broadcasting so you don't hear it no it's too much trouble because there's two separate

broadcasters i'd have to turn them both off i really i just don't know how sorry sorry okay

so you know what city i live in yeah is it is it the area code that i'm talking to you on currently

yeah but that's also the area code in the other city i used to live in too so i know the area

area code yeah okay so there we go um don't give the area code everyone stacy lives in delaware

no i don't have the phone number you dork oh i have to look it up i'm driving i'm driving there

this whole this whole fucking shit am i gonna have a goddamn phone number this whole you doing

a show from the road isn't working out for us what don't be a dick okay just tell me don't

Don't be weird.

Okay.

Tell me exactly where your McDonald's is.

I'm looking it up on Google.

Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

I'm going to the, uh, I'm driving around the wrong way.

Oh, God.

Fuck job.

It's going to be a fuck job to edit.

Um, um, I think they're closed.

Oh, no, they're not.

Oh, my God.

I almost ran into somebody.

Get it, everyone.

They're closed.

Oh, my God.

There's no address on here.

Holy fuck.

Okay.

Just go home.

go home no hold on hold on hey hey park dude says you can come over to his house and use his

microphones so we can hear you why not and drive up there right now you're driving 45 minutes to

staples to go get your sign i had to do this live for whatever i'm sending this to you actually i

have laundry that i'm doing right now so i can't really leave see i have to go back in about 20

minutes and get my laundry out so it's gonna be kind of retarded if i go over there but that's

how i get there yep i don't know all right did you get those plates oh you messaged me something

okay huh i'm looking oh you forgot to plus one it so now i gotta copy it into another notepad

and then copy it what do you mean the plus one i didn't send you a phone number you didn't i sent

you a location oh yeah that's an old message oh yeah i'm gonna go back and get my iphone in 10

minutes so we can do video i think i don't even know coit is that a street coit coi okay yes just

type that in i don't know why i fucking sent that to you if you just said it thanks well i didn't

say the first word okay so this must be it can i call it right now yeah call it right now i'm

parked in the parking lot okay i don't want to get arrested or anything don't say anything bad

just don't tell them why she's a terrorist she's got a letter she has a bomb and a gun words i

I will fucking leave.

And a gun.

I'll just get in the drive-thru.

I'll just hang up.

You should get in the drive-thru at least and place your order.

And I'll ring the phone as you're in the drive-thru.

Okay, call right now, okay?

Okay.

Because I'm about to be in the drive-thru.

Okay, all right, I'm calling.

There's no alarm.

But you're going to be yelling into the speaker at the same time I'm talking to them.

Yes, is that what you want?

Okay, sure.

Sure.

I'm doing it.

Okay, hurry up.

Terrorist.

Homeland Security.

No.

Atomic bombs.

That's not nice, but I'm going to help you.

Hi, my wife's coming there through the drive-thru.

Okay.

And she's going to be ordering soda.

Has she arrived yet or did I miss her?

No, sir.

Well, is there anybody there ordering a soda?

Right now, no.

Nobody's come to the drive-thru?

I think she really left.

I'm sorry?

I think she really left because I don't have any order.

Oh, there's nobody in the drive-thru?

No.

Because she just left the house.

How did she get there and leave already?

Nobody's here in the drive-thru.

Okay.

Okay, well, I got to tell you, wait, are you on the corner of Coit?

In Parker?

Yeah.

Yeah, this is Coit in Parker.

So this has got to be the one.

Yeah, she's coming to that one, and we need to make sure that she doesn't order a Pepsi

or any kind of soda, any kind of sugar.

Okay.

Is there anybody in the drive-thru right now?

Yeah, there's one drink, one large Coke, no ice.

Oh, my God, she's getting Coke.

Don't let her.

Okay, we need to make sure it's her.

Her name's Stacy.

But what I do?

Oh, don't give it to her.

she's too fat seriously like she she has a weight problem and it's i gotta be honest making love to

her is just no fun anymore because she's so so fat she cannot have that pepsi or that coke like

tell her no coke don't give her coke just give her water like okay ma'am can you hear me yeah

just put water in there and um just tell her it's a coke just charge her for a coke

and give her water okay can you do that yeah okay i want to hear the water going to the cup

to make sure okay okay i'll let you go because i'm very busy well no listen she's really fat

that girl in the drive-thru tell her how fat she is can you do that she's hung up i don't know if

stacy's still listening what's happening is she is she are you they gave me the coke but the lady

looked at me really weird that's great oh man that was so stupid all right so i'm sorry i made

made fun of how fat you are i can yell at them i'm sorry i mean i'm sorry i made fun of how fat

you are okay it's just it was it was for the prank it's they didn't do anything they didn't

do anything she completely lied to you first of all after i placed my order she said nobody was

in the drive well maybe she just didn't know she's in the back answering the phone or whatever i

don't know but when i was at the first drive through i gave them my credit card and the guy

I, like, kind of looked at me weird, and then he was like, after he gave my credit card

back, he goes, oh, and then he was like, never mind.

So, I don't know if she, I don't know what the fuck.

I don't want this goddamn Coke.

Why'd you get a Coke?

Why'd you get the Coke?

I just wanted to see what they would do, but they didn't do anything.

Why'd you get a large Coke?

Why'd you get a small Coke?

Oh, because they're all a dollar.

It doesn't matter what size you get.

Hey, so last night I gave Carlito a bunch of layaway phone numbers, and hardly any of them answered.

I was thinking we could call some of those.

Okay.

It's kind of interesting how she told you what my order was.

Yeah, yeah, that could be, like, identity.

There's nobody in the drive-thru, but somebody just ordered a Coke and a life.

I could have stolen your identity with all the information she gave me about you.

You know?

Well, I don't have a large...

Do you want any Coke?

I can come bring it over.

Alright, take it over to Park Dude's house.

Nope.

No, I don't know if he drinks this kind of soda.

It has high fructose corn syrup.

I'm about to go home and get my laundry.

Oh, that's great.

Who cares?

You want to make some calls?

Yes, let's do it.

Okay.

That was stupid.

That McDonald's shit was stupid.

Yeah, goddamn them.

Next time we're going to do my idea.

We're going to do atomic bombs and homeland security.

No.

I want to tell them I'm going to hijack

an airplane and fly it into their McDonald's.

From my car.

I want to be careful. She's a

suicide bomber.

No! Get me arrested.

So on these numbers I gave to Carlito,

the problem is that on most of them,

I don't know which

ones didn't answer and which ones he

got through to. So we might

call some of these people and they'll be like,

you called me last night, motherfucker.

That's okay. Okay. But actually, these

That's funny.

These first few ones, I did mark them down that they didn't answer, so they're good.

Who's the guy bending over?

That's interesting.

No, it's not.

It's not at all.

It's not.

Why are you saying that's interesting?

It's not.

Oh, there's a condom sense store.

It's not dialing.

I might have to hang up and call you back because my Skype's being wacky.

Okay.

Maybe.

I don't know.

I'm not trying to get rid of you.

I promise.

I'm just...

Have I broken up yet at all on the phone?

Like, my voice?

Oh, no.

You just sound like garbage.

Just in general.

sound like sound horrible okay sounds like you're on a metro pcs phone who's talking

it's not metro pcs okay i know i'm saying it sounds like it oh didn't you used to be or was

that legend yeah still legend i think he had one too got myself a real phone hey as you can see

i'm unavailable to receive your call i remember her message from last night maybe she'll work

from the bottom of the list oh that's what i'm doing because the last few ones i actually

marked down that they didn't answer. Do you want me

to talk? Uh...

Well, do you know what this is? It's a

layaway. Her name's Tammy. Okay.

From... from...

Um... Kim Hart. Okay.

I don't know why he whispers. Hey, as

you can see... So the listeners don't hear

which store we're calling. It's the same lady!

Yeah, okay. So this next one,

her name is Joy. Okay.

And I don't know what she had on layaway.

She just had stuff on layaway.

Okay. I'm calling her.

Christmas music? No, it's hold music.

It's Joy's voicemail.

It's her ring back tone with T-Mobile.

Don't.

Please leave a message after the tone.

God damn it.

It's an answering machine.

What are you talking about a ring tone?

Well, yeah, but if it doesn't answer, it goes to the machine.

No, I'm talking about the background music, you weirdo.

I don't hear background music.

I think that's on your phone.

Yeah, sure.

Okay, this lady's name is La...

Oh, crap.

Oh, wait.

Latanya.

And she bought two karaoke machines.

Okay.

Sorry, Park Dude.

Eventually, I'm going to want to be in my bed.

What?

I want to come over.

i'm sorry forgive me i got stuff i gotta do they do stuff at home i'm sorry you

have reached the voicemail box of five.

God damn it.

Oh, what a shitty show this is going to be.

How many fucking people cannot...

Oh, my God.

All right.

Here's the last one that I'm sure they didn't answer.

Her name is Linda Smith.

myth i really want to talk to the lady yeah i i want to talk to that lady that got a karaoke

machine two karaoke machines oh wow this lady got uh she got kid stuff she got a wagon and a mini

cart and kid stuff linda smith linda smith no i'm sorry she's not here man what oh yeah this

is kmart with her layaway hello kmart okay what about it what did you have for she put some stuff

Stop on layaway with us.

I mean, I don't know.

What is the message?

Well, I mean, it's more of a question than a message, I guess.

Well, it's not really a question.

Well, I was going to ask her when she can come pick her crap up,

because, I mean, we don't have any room for this wagon here.

Hello?

I'll give her the message.

I'll give, no.

No, I need to know when.

I'm going to put this stuff back if I don't get an answer on when she's going to pick.

I don't even know what you're talking about.

Wait, are you Linda?

No, I'm not.

Okay, Linda has something on layaway at Kmart.

It's a wagon and a bunch of other kids' toys and other kids that she has.

Do you know what layaway is?

Who are you talking to?

The Christmas present.

Oh, my God.

Okay.

Who are you speaking with?

You don't, well, first of all, you don't speak to me like that.

I'm not Linda, and I told you, and don't speak to me like this, okay?

I don't know who you're speaking with.

You're, you're, no, no, no, no, ma'am, listen, lady, listen, lady, I'm, I'm trying to do

this for, because Linda is about to have her stuff be put back, and she put this stuff

on layaway, she's supposed to come in.

She's gone, she's gone, she's gone.

In a certain amount of time.

She's gone!

She's gone.

Oh, God.

She just now hung up.

Hello?

No, she hung up, can you hear me?

What the hell?

Why am I, why is, oh, God.

Why was?

What?

Trash truck, it's fucking annoying.

No, talking about the trash truck's annoying.

I'm going to call her back.

I'm your supervisor, goddammit.

Okay, call crap.

She's going to lose all her crap.

I don't think she's going to pick up this time.

You have reached the voicemail.

What's the trash truck doing?

What's the garbage truck doing?

Is he picking up garbage?

Yeah.

Hey, Linda.

Hey, this is Roy from Kmart.

This is not the Linda that you are looking for.

Well, no, I'm Stacy's supervisor, and she said you hung up on her.

No, you're not Stacy's anything, because Stacy's not going to call me talking to me crazy.

No, I am Stacy's supervisor.

Don't talk to me like that, bitch.

Oh, listen to me, Linda.

I know you're Linda.

I knew you were Linda all along.

Oh, why'd you lie to Stacy?

Why'd you say you weren't Linda?

We're throwing your layaway shit.

We're putting it back out, and you're not going to get your money back.

Yeah, you do, Linda.

You have a mini cart and a play wagon and all this kid shit.

Why'd you get all this kid shit?

to you the way I want to speak to you. Don't you ever call me again. And if you call me

again, I'm going to call the police on you. I'm telling you that. I don't ever lay away.

Why'd you buy all this kid shit? I didn't buy shit. I told you I don't even have

children, you bastard. You put it on layaway. Why'd you put it on layaway? No, I did not.

No, I did not put it on layaway. Yes, you did. You have the wrong lender. You're a

lying hoe. Why are you in our computer then? I'm in your computer

because I have things in San Leandro, not where you call

and i'm gonna go to san leandro now and call your district manager do it do it do it motherfucker

i dare you i dare you i don't go ahead go ahead i'm going you bastard hey fuck you lady

i dare you i'm throwing all this crap back on in this i'm putting it all back out on the floor

and you're not gonna get it you're gonna lose all the money you put down on it you know what

it's not me you bastard yeah it is you're linda smith i know you're linda smith

I remember you when you came in.

Your mama is a bitch.

Your mama is a hoax.

And if you call my house again, the police are going to be on you.

Hey, hey.

Because they're going to have this number.

Don't you talk about my mama.

That's not nice.

My mama's not a bitch.

She's gone.

Wow.

That's a lot of sound clips from that one.

You's a hoax.

You know, my mama actually is a bitch.

It's time I just face it.

So, I encountered this trash truck in the parking lot of my apartment complex, and then

I forgot I had to go to the laundromat.

I turned around.

I went to the laundromat, and there's a fucking trash truck again, single nut, trying to back

into me and shit, in my own apartment complex, twice.

God.

WTF.

Stupid trash people.

Ah.

God.

Okay.

Trash talk with Stacey.

So, I'm getting my laundry out.

Oh, my God.

Trying to run into my car while I'm in the laundromat.

Oh, that'd be hilarious.

Get your video out.

Do you have your iPhone charged?

No, it's not charged yet.

All right, good.

He didn't hit it.

Thank God.

I was really worried.

You weren't.

He's probably like, oh, that bitch again.

All right, call another layaway person.

That one.

Okay, so now we're getting...

Okay, so this is...

Wait, this is what I don't understand.

When I asked for Linda Smith, she was like, I'll take a message for her.

Yeah, she's full of crap.

She's like that.

And then she claimed not to know Linda Smith at all.

And then when I said Linda, she's like, yeah, hi.

And then she said she was a different Linda Smith or something.

Okay, so the problem with these next calls is it's getting up the list where I don't know if they answered or not.

So we're going to...

That's okay, because, you know, they'll just be more pissed.

So it'll be good.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess you could turn it into, you know, I understand one of my employees called last night and I'm just following up because they said you're a real bitch or something, I don't know.

Yeah, okay.

My Skype's being crazy. I'm going to need to reboot Skype soon.

So, do you want to do the next one or should I?

It's your turn.

I'm the Domino's man.

Yay, Domino's man.

Okay, so this one is, this is Walmart, and this, her name is Jamie, and she got Hot Wheels

and kids toys and some other stuff.

Okay.

Just Hot Wheels and kids toys.

Okay.

I'm about to run over this alien lady.

Not quite.

If you were Asian, we would drive you to bedder.

Leave your message for Lily Cummings.

What?

That was a different name.

That's the kid.

Was it?

He's on his own, kid.

That'd be hilarious.

we could tell the kid that they the mom got them hot wheels but she couldn't afford them because

they're on layaway because hot wheels are really expensive items because she spent all her money

on pot yep yeah i was also going to bring that up be like well you know what maybe you should

just pay for stuff when you have the money only poor people use layaway don't take up my space

and and with your shitty kids gifts that's what i would have said yeah next time um so i guess

If anybody answers.

I'm going to call you right back, okay?

Okay, bye.

And people on the stream, I'm going to play a part of a song while I reboot stuff.

Okay, I'm going to fold my laundry.

Okay, have fun.

Logging into Skype.

Buddy list filled up.

Got the Skype connection with webcam and stuff.

Dr. Popular.

Chopping up these sounds.

Drowned radio smashing circuits to the ground.

Why call for money?

That's why I have a cell.

skype should stay non-pay or it can go to hell oh shit my call got dropped dock your connection

who's that skype in me what's that saucy beat he's joining all the hype in the morning i'm too lazy

type now it's us three conference to pay hi stacy i'm back this time it's from california

oh that's good how do you you said i called from a thailand thailand i mean

Thailand, yeah.

What, like the country code?

Mm-hmm.

How do you know the country code?

Or did it say Thailand on your phone?

Thailand.

Oh.

But I mean, it's not a U.S.-looking number.

Is that where Skype's from?

Like, do they make Skype?

I know it's like in some other country.

Burping.

It's in some other country they make Skype.

You know, that the Skype headquarters is.

Really?

Yeah.

She calls it headquarters in California.

Well, it's owned by Microsoft now.

But originally Skype is like some other, or maybe whoever bought it.

I don't know.

Someone's telling me Luxembourg.

Yeah, I don't know either.

Okay.

You want to try the next one?

Lawrence Star?

Whatever.

Okay.

Lawrence?

Yeah, it's a layaway.

It's Walmart.

And they got a PS3 game.

I think it's possible this one was reached last night, but I'm not sure.

It's still not dialing.

Okay.

An iPad, PS3 game, two headphones, and a kid's tablet.

Oh, wow.

Lots of high-priced stuff.

Stuff that you should put on layaway, because, you know, it's expensive.

Not like a pair of pants, or whatever.

Trim good things you can't afford.

Is this Lawrence?

Who's this?

This is Stacy.

I'm calling from Kmart.

I'm the supervisor here.

Walmart.

So, it was Kmart.

It was Kmart, now it's Walmart.

Yeah, what are you calling about, bitch?

Huh?

What are you calling about?

Hello?

Yeah, I'm the supervisor here.

I was just calling because yesterday I heard one of my employees called you.

Is that true?

Okay, listen, listen.

You're a supervisor, but a supervisor means you've been there for a long time.

So how would you get Walmart mixed up with Kmart?

I have two jobs.

No, no, listen.

You're full of shit.

I have two jobs.

Don't mind me, man.

No, you listen to me, okay?

You're not even talking like a professional.

Listen, lady.

me listen lady listen lady i'm trying to help you out here i was gonna comp you on some stuff

but if you don't want that it's fine no no listen no listen you're full because i heard you

and if you call i don't appreciate it i mean walmart you wouldn't call you wouldn't use a

skype number and then there wasn't there wouldn't be a dude that's telling you walmart on the phone

fuck you man man you wish you could he does he actually does he told me that last night he was

I was like, man, there's this one guy, he got real angry, and he sounded black,

and I'll bet he has a big black dick, and I just want to fuck him.

That's what he told me.

That's why we're calling you again.

You know, oh, he hung up.

Yeah.

You wish you could, actually.

I don't think he bought it.

Oh, well.

Why did you say Walmart?

It is Walmart.

You said Kmart.

It was Kmart.

He goes, oh, it was Kmart.

No, it's definitely a Walmart one.

Well, he said actually it was Kmart.

No.

There's no way I screwed that up.

You did.

My notes are perfect.

Whatever.

That's why when I...

Never mind.

You messed everything up.

Do another one.

You messed it up.

He probably wouldn't even have noticed if you didn't say anything.

Okay.

Sorry.

It's your fault.

This whole show sucks.

This one's my turn.

I'm probably not going to pick up.

Okay.

I'll fuck it up.

First says you're wrong in the chat room.

I'm unavailable at the moment.

okay let me try again okay hey curtis yeah hey it's uh roy from walmart you uh had some stuff

on layaway this ipod touch right um i just wanted to inform you you've been outbid on it you've been

outbid someone else bid higher so you've lost the ipod yeah no they outbid you so you're gonna lose

the money that you bid on it and how did it bid man what's the meaning of that he gets it instead

of you i get my money back no no i'm sorry you don't get the money it's non-refundable just

just like on the sheet that you signed, says it's non-refundable.

But I just needed to call and let you know that you've been outbid.

Like, they put more money down than you, so they get it.

They want more.

Uh-huh, yep.

iPod touch, and you lose all your money, and you get nothing.

You get, hey, he hung up.

I guess he didn't care.

You should call him back and ask him why he isn't upset.

He's just like, easy come, easy go.

Usually people are much more upset.

For an iPod touch.

Maybe he only put, like, $3 down or something.

That's why he got outbid.

no you have to put a percentage well see i don't know how layaway works because i'm not one of

those people this is curtis i'm unavailable let me try one more time i don't know are you

saying you're one of the black people my sister-in-law used to do it all the time

yeah oh curtis you hung up on me who is this how much money did you put down on the ipod

yeah you don't care that you you got outbid i don't care why don't you care what am i gonna

gonna do about it i don't know what you're talking about i already canceled that what do you mean you

canceled it you can't cancel a layaway you're not allowed to cancel got my money back and told

that we had already had one that we needed so we didn't need that one why why'd you waste our time

why'd you waste our time putting one on layaway when you didn't even need it you're wasting

everyone's time you're wasting your time and our time asshole he's gone well you got your answer

You happy?

Darn it.

I guess that's why he didn't care.

Yeah.

Well, I'm going to Walmart.

Should I go to Walmart?

Which store do you want me to go to?

It's up to you.

Okay.

Whatever.

So, I don't know.

Like, if you go to Walmart, how am I going to contact anyone, you know?

Like, how am I going to get...

Well, I don't know.

You call the front...

You call them, you be like, I don't know.

Maybe I should just stay home.

No, no, no.

I'm not trying to say it's a bad idea.

No.

I'm just trying to figure out...

It's not your fault. It's like, I can't think of anything.

No, I'm just trying to figure out how, like, you're just, are you going to go to, like, electronics,

and then I page, I go to electronics, and I get someone on the phone?

I just say, hey, put this person on the phone?

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

I was thinking, like, we can't really do it more than once, but you're right.

We can call different departments.

Or do you have a phone number I can try to forward phones to at, like, a smaller store

that doesn't have a big, complicated phone system?

It's only a new people that knew how to work with phone systems.

Yeah, I wish I knew people like that.

Um, something I could do, maybe I could go to like, probably Academy Sports and Outdoors

as more simple phone systems.

I don't know, Walmart probably has all sorts of security on that, from all the other calls

we've done.

Nah, I got-

And you went on CNN, didn't you, you traitor?

I got all these layaway numbers, like just last night.

I mean, if you want, I can just stay home.

We can just do the anyway numbers.

Fuck Good Friday.

Whatever.

Or is that Black Friday?

Whatever.

Black Friday.

I might have gone out and done some crazy Black Friday pranks today, but Carlito made me stay home and do prank calls.

Well, I'll go right now if you want me to.

Go where?

Walmart, Academy, Sports, Outdoors.

Do it.

Go to Walmart.

It's worth a try.

Yeah, it's not that far.

All right.

All right, I'm going to get on Skypey and tell you which one.

I'm not there quite yet.

Okay, well, I'll just call another layaway, I guess.

Yeah, call another layaway number, but here's the...

Oh, okay.

I might actually be able to find that stupid number for you.

No, that's too much work. You can do it.

Yeah, fuck that shit.

Okay, here.

You want to talk to Kathy Davis?

She had a cook set on layaway, and she picked it up already.

A what?

A cook set.

Like, I have no idea.

Set, okay, all right.

Pots and pans, maybe.

But she already picked them up.

Okay.

Do you have any ideas for that?

Like, can you tell her something?

Yeah.

I don't know.

And again, this could be one that Carlito already talked to.

Okay.

Her method of payment was probably showing her calls.

Hello?

Automatic voice message.

Let me try again.

Hey, Carlito wants you to go through a drive-thru and order crazy things while we listen.

Well, then I have to pay for it.

No, you just leave.

Because they won't have the crazy things you're asking for.

He wants you to ask for blorgs.

For what? A fork?

Blorgs.

What's that?

Nobody knows, but you won't have to pay for it because they won't have it.

Hey, will you do that right now?

Someone else wants you to order a horse cock.

I can't do these things.

Come on.

You're out in your car.

No, this is just being over the phone anonymously.

that's what she said but i'm not gonna do it in person come on no you don't no i'm not gonna go

up to a fucking drive-thru in the city i live in remember don't shit in your own backyard i would

do that and i live in a small town but oh go do it then no god damn it you're you're um you know

you don't have to be uh you know um vulgar or anything you just say you're ordering blorgs

well i don't vulgar and just don't be vulgar but i have to go over there and say horse cock no i'm

Don't say horse cock then.

Say blorg.

All right.

Ask for crazy things.

Someone's saying you should order steamed pretzels.

Carlito says steamed pretzels.

Say you want to order one of those big pretzels.

Say I want to order one of those big pretzels like they have in the mall.

And then get mad when they don't have it.

I'll do it.

Can you say horse privates?

No.

Boiled pizza?

Yeah, fried pizza.

Am I supposed to videotape this?

I don't know, maybe.

me because i i can like go up and talk to the manager and be like yeah what's what's the deal

here i need i need to talk to your manager are you gonna go are you doing it are you gonna go

right now are you gonna go walmart i guess so i guess i am because i'm fucking driving right now

you know you could do it after walmart okay well there's a mcdonald's actually in walmart so

oh but it's not a drive-thru right it's not a drive-thru but i mean they're gonna be just as

puzzled. But you can't, like, drive away

really fast when you get embarrassed.

I can run.

Yeah, you have to run away.

I can run really fast.

I don't know if the sound will be as

good. You know, because in a

speaker, it's loud. We'd hear

it on the phone. Okay.

Whatever. Call another

soft-tard. Oh, another

layaway? Okay. Whatever.

You're really angry about this drive-thru thing.

No, I'm not. Okay.

You're angry.

Okay, I'm going to give you this one, because I'm pretty sure this lady picked up for Carlito last night, and she was really funny.

She was, like, really ghetto and really, really pissed.

She was so pissed.

She got really mad.

So you're going to have to say you're the supervisor here at Walmart.

Not Kmart, Walmart.

And you're just following up with what happened last night.

Okay.

Okay, and her name's Renee Jackson.

And she got a PlayStation 3 on layaway, okay?

Okay.

Okay, Renee Jackson, here he goes.

I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure this is who Carlito talked to.

Renee?

Hey, Jackson, did you pick up your PlayStation yet?

You got some layaway?

Did you pick up a PlayStation yet?

Oh, hello?

Yes, did you come pick up your PlayStation yet?

I got some information.

Hello?

I got some information from one of my employees that you were called yesterday,

and he needed to come pick this up.

I was just following up with you.

One of the employees said that you were irate,

And I'm just trying to follow up and provide you some customer service.

Okay.

What's your name?

My name is Stacy.

I'm the supervisor.

It's your phone number.

No, not calling from an unknown number, you're not, because Walmart's number is not unknown.

Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, please.

Can we just resolve this?

I got your PlayStation here, and I'm ready for you to come pick it up, but I want to make sure you're happy.

And that's all my job is, is customer service.

It's my job.

Oh, is it?

You don't have anything for me.

Yes. Well, it says right here you have a PlayStation 3. Did you pick it up?

Where are you calling me from?

Renee, I'm calling you from Walmart.

So, you're calling me from Walmart with a 661 phone number. My name is not Renee, and I'm not...

Right, then I guess I called the wrong number. I'm sorry, you don't have to be a bitch about it, but okay. Whatever.

No. Hang up, then. If you're not Renee, then hang up.

You don't have to be a bitch.

Ma'am, ma'am, I don't know who you are or where you're from, but where I'm from, if you're not Renee, you hang up the fucking phone.

Bitch, how about you kiss my ass and go fuck yourself for your little raggedy-ass boyfriend you had call here last night?

You just got told.

I did, didn't I?

You're not Renee. Why the fuck are you on the phone with me?

She sounded hungover today. She was really, really excitable last night.

She probably spent all night just, like, just freaking out about the whole phone call thing,

so now she's exhausted.

Yeah.

To what?

To the Waller Mart.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, I guess I should look up.

I should look up.

I'm going to Walmart on fucking Black Friday.

I've never done this before, by the way.

this is a first for me i avoid these places like the fucking plague i would do like just in general

i don't go to walmart it's hard sure you don't people that shop at walmart are stupid i go to

target okay walmart people are just inbred fucking redneck assholes including you i know you go to

walmart yeah i go to walmart and i put stuff on layaway and i have a metro pcs phone just like

like everybody else well the parking lot's not very packed that's because they did uh black

friday they started it last night instead of this morning like all the stores they started

yeah black friday is now on thursday that's black thursday yep it's crazy they all opened

after black people i don't understand why they gotta be racist pretty much every store opened

at eight o'clock last night instead of six o'clock this morning or whatever they usually do

You know, this Walmart actually closes on Thanksgiving for like four hours or some shit.

Ah, that's nice.

Yeah.

Well, most stores, all the stores used to do that, but now it's, now they're opening

them Thanksgiving night.

Yeah.

Park Dude says it's Smart Yellow Thursday.

What?

They're just closed for a few hours.

Oh, they call it Smart Yellow Thursday?

Yep, that's the new name.

If you look on the advertisements when you get in there, it's, that's what it all says.

It's Smart Yellow Thursday.

Well, even though it's Friday, it's going to say Smart Yellow Thursday.

Yeah, because it started last night.

It started yesterday.

I'm going to bring that shit out to these people.

Do it.

But are you at Walmart?

Should I call another layaway?

Yeah, you can call another layaway, but I'm at Walmart.

Oh, you are? Okay.

So are you going to go to...

Yeah, call another layaway.

No, call another layaway.

Fine, I will.

Call another layaway.

I'm going to go home.

You have to go to a drive-thru on your way home.

Okay, deal.

Better parking spots.

I thought you were inside.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice.

I keep finding better parking spots.

Just walk. You're so fat, you need to walk.

You need the exercise.

No, I don't. Shut up.

After all that coke.

Hello?

Hi, Nancy.

Uh-huh.

Hey, it's Gary from the Kmart. You put some stuff on layaway here yesterday?

Yes.

And, I mean, you had the Spider-Man and Avengers and the Stompies and the Ninja Turtles.

Yep, that's all the stuff you had, right?

You had the Marksman and the Responder and the Lace Raglan.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Well, there was a problem last night.

And I was smoking here in the layaway department.

And the manager came and I put my cigarette out on your stuff.

Okay, sure.

Shut that kid up.

Oh, man.

I think Carlito had one with the kid last night.

I wonder if this is the same lady.

I mean, Katie Kay, not Carlito.

I don't want to say his name on the air for her to hear, to look up on the internet.

Nothing.

I was talking to my co-worker.

Why are you calling me from a different number?

I understood you had a phone call last night, and we're just trying to clear that up.

Uh-huh.

You'd reported or something that you weren't happy with the phone call?

Yes.

And what was the problem?

What did they say exactly?

Is this again?

My name's Roy.

I'm calling from...

I thought you said your name was Gary.

It's Gary Roy.

Mr. Roy.

Gary Roy.

Mr. Gary Roy.

Your mom was probably smoking, too, while she named you.

Probably.

Mm-hmm.

What do you want?

I've always suspected that, but I'm glad someone else shares that opinion, too.

Do you feel better now that you've talked about my mama?

What do you want?

I was just calling to clear things up.

Like, what happened last night?

I don't understand what happened.

Why are you calling me?

I was just trying to figure out what's going on.

Because obviously yesterday was a prank call.

Yeah, yeah.

That's what I'm thinking.

I don't think anyone in our store would make a call like that.

What did they say in the prank call?

Like, what name did they use?

Because I'll see if we have an employee named that.

Didn't you just say it was you?

No, I didn't call last night.

You just said you called me.

I called last night.

That's what you just said.

No, that was Katie Kay.

That'd be my guess.

It wasn't me.

Don't blame me.

Right.

You need to stop with the accusations, ma'am.

What do you want?

Nothing.

Just hang up the phone.

Okay.

You guys are not funny at all.

I know.

We're not.

Okay.

Well, you guys need to quit calling me.

I don't know where you're getting your information.

information i understand you have access to my information and this isn't funny oh yeah it's not

it's not it's stupid it's dumb yes so i don't understand why am i the only person that you

guys are calling no no who else are you calling no no i'm just calling to find out what happened

i'm i'm the supervisor you're a supervisor yeah but you're not you're not telling me you're just

insulting my mama so just hang on just hang on you're a supervisor but you're not calling me

from kmart you're calling from a different number no i'm calling from kmart what's the number at

kmart i'm not telling you i don't have to tell you but really because it's a public number no it's

unlisted uh no it's not no it is i called kmart earlier and it's a public how'd you get their

number you shouldn't have their number right you shouldn't have their private information

company okay you're an idiot just hang up just go just hang up i really don't understand why

Why you continue to call me, you are not calling with Kmart.

I know that much.

Okay, and I'm not funny.

And I'm not sure why you have chosen to harass me, but this shit is not funny.

It's not.

You're right.

Why are you?

I don't know.

Who else have you guys been calling?

Nobody.

What are you talking about?

You called me.

Nobody?

Really?

Because you said you screwed up other customers' merchandise yesterday, too.

No, no, no.

My phone rang.

Your phone rang?

Exactly.

You guys need to quit calling me.

Okay.

All right, bye then.

Whatever messed up joke you guys think that you're doing, you need to stop.

Okay.

This is harassment.

Okay, I agree.

Okay.

So we won't call anymore.

Thank you.

All right, bye.

Bye.

Later.

Hang up.

She's gone.

Okay.

So I figured out how to get this done, the phone part, so.

Wait, I don't remember which.

I'm just walking around.

Okay.

I don't know which.

I need to go get a shopping cart.

Yeah, you definitely need.

You need a shopping cart.

Because, I mean, I don't really need a shopping cart.

So, let's see.

Hold on.

Hey, do you want to do, like, eight hours today instead of four?

Is that a serious question?

Yeah, yeah, let's do eight hours.

I don't think Lux is going to show up, so we could just do his shift, too.

What time do you have?

You know, I haven't slept, like, all night.

You know, I go to work at 11 tonight.

Why'd you stay up all night?

That was dumb.

Well, I mean, I was working, so.

Oh, okay.

I mean, that was kind of my thing that I do.

I guess.

Are you serious or are you like...

No, no, I'm actually just kidding.

Fuck that.

I'm not going to do eight hours.

I don't even want to do four.

Someone in the chat room is saying that there should be a 48-hour marathon.

We should just keep going for two days.

Oh, okay.

Let's do two days right now.

No.

Okay, I got something.

thing okay so um i think i have the phone number to the walmart that you're at okay so okay so are

you in electronics or where oh yeah in electronics there's a um there's an indian guy sitting down

oh yell banchoed really counter yell banchoed really loud just no one else no no listen no

one else is gonna counter though he's at the counter and it it looks like he's like sitting

sitting there waiting for some sort of application okay all right um um wait no no no okay that's

gonna be perfect i'm gonna call i'm gonna try and get transferred the problem with walmart is

it takes forever for them to transfer to different departments yeah well i need time to get a

shopping cart anyway okay because you know i'm here to shop so all the deals you know uh it's

busy when i call the number it's busy i'm gonna try again busy how's it busy okay don't panic

You promised they had advanced phone systems there.

Okay, um...

Okay, sorry, somebody screamed and distracted me.

I'm going to call it from my cell phone and see what it says.

Okay, don't panic.

What a disaster!

I really want to talk to that guy.

I want to do a...

Well, hold on.

I want to do a manhouse style...

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Holding.

Let's see if I can find something.

I think they took their phones off the hook, because I don't understand how they could be busy.

Maybe.

well how would anybody you know get a hold of them i don't know you know you can't you can't

just hey you can't just do that and just you know on black friday yeah every time i call it's busy

hey can you at least go by the near the indian guy and just kind of say yeah just kind of say

bancho bancho no no i can't do this i can't do that in person are you insane no no you like not

Not to him.

Like, you're on the phone.

Like, you're mad at me, and you're calling me a banjoed.

No, I'm not going to do that.

No.

I need to be as, like, as undercover as there are in the down-to-earth.

Everyone in the chat room says they'll...

Thank you for calling Walmart.

Oh, my God.

Here it is.

Finally.

Okay, I'm heading over there right now.

Is he still there?

Yeah.

I'm sure he is.

He looked distressed.

Hi, can I have electronics, please?

Hello, ma'am?

Do they call it loss prevention at Walmart?

Is that the...

Or do they call it AP?

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm going to be loss prevention.

Can you hear the phone ringing?

Over there, I mean.

Can you hear the phone ringing in electronics?

No.

I'm not there yet.

Oh.

I had to go, I'm sorry.

I was trying to move it.

Don't say sorry.

Call her a banchode.

Turned up something in my cart.

He's still there.

Striped shirt.

Striped shirts are always hilarious.

I hear it.

Walk behind the counter and pick up the phone.

Oh my goodness.

Hi, is this Electronics?

No.

I'm sorry?

God.

So unprofessional.

It's still not.

Oh.

Like, right there.

It's not doing anything.

Maybe it rings under their walkie-talkies.

Do they have earpieces?

No, I think they don't know how to do anything, apparently.

Walk behind the counter and pick up the phone for them.

It's not even...

Well, you're going to have to try again.

Well, it's ringing right now.

I don't know.

Ugh.

God, this is annoying.

Oh.

Hi.

Ma'am?

Hi.

What you doing?

I'm like, can I help you?

Oh, hey.

I was asking to be transferred to electronics.

I don't think their phone's ringing, though, because I just keep getting you.

Are you sure you're doing it right?

Ugh.

Yeah, it's not.

Well, balls.

Still not doing it.

I don't understand.

Can you just scream Banchode as loud as you can right now?

No.

No, I can't.

Um, oh, it's the iPhone or something.

It's the iPhone.

But it's not happening.

I think you got, did you get Spring Valley instead of Spring Creek?

Oh, um, I got the one on North Central Expressway in Plano, 6001.

It's the only one.

Can you Google map it?

Um, yeah, hold on.

Because there's probably more than one.

Maybe I should bing it.

Okay, so it's on...

I don't know.

It's on Spring Parkway and North Central Expressway.

It's in the corner.

Okay, that's right.

Huh.

That's correct.

Yay.

Ah, that's weird.

I don't know.

Maybe they just got tired of answering the phones, so they turned them off.

That's why I didn't get as many layaway numbers, like, for us,

because it's just impossible to get through to everything.

I don't know. I did what I could.

It was a good idea.

Well.

We should do this on another day.

Like, on another day when it's not Black Friday, I guess.

It could be fun.

Black Friday makes it so much funnier.

Yeah.

Is that Indian?

I don't understand.

Is the Indian guy still there?

Yeah.

Go get his cell phone number, and we can just call his cell number.

No.

Why not?

I'm sad.

Don't be sad.

We're going to call layaway people.

No.

We have...

I just checked the video, and it was perfect.

Oh.

The way I was doing it.

Oh.

That's too bad.

That's sad.

Hmm.

We probably do a finish label, too.

Huh?

Never mind.

Nothing.

Fine.

Nothing.

Fine.

Okay.

Okay, so, um, where else, um, I keep arguing with her.

You wouldn't expect people to be disagreeable on Black Friday at Walmart, but apparently

it's happening.

You should just, you should walk over there and just video, like, hold the video camera,

like, and make it very obvious you're taping them.

Okay, let's, let's go somewhere else.

Let's go elsewhere.

And you can have a sticker on the, on the side of the phone that he can see where it

says Banchode Vision.

like it's a tv show yeah oh my god all right you're leaving walmart you should just go home

we'll do call no okay no i'm going i'm going to automotive oh okay does automotive open on

black friday yeah yeah i think unfortunately automotive would be the one department we can

really get through to i think yeah probably nobody's gonna be buying anything yeah i'm gonna

gonna go ahead and call it just to see if we get through okay thank you for calling walmart hey

um can you grab me i'll tell you what's going on i just want to see if it goes through hey go over

to toys and grab something out of a kid's hand around the corner and one is wearing a red shirt

hello can i have automotive please hey find a kid that has a horse cat the toy aisle and grab

Grab the horse cat and run away.

Okay, there's a guy buying a blue shirt.

Buying a blue shirt?

Yes.

In the automotive?

Okay.

Is the phone ringing?

No.

What?

It's like I don't have the right Walmart.

But, I mean, this is the number that's the right number.

I don't understand it either.

This doesn't make sense.

I wanted to tell him that he can't buy shirts in automotive.

That's stupid.

I know.

Fine.

What department is this?

I'm sorry?

Which department are you?

Operator.

Oh.

Oh, well, how come the automotive's not there?

Are you the Walmart on Central Expressway?

Yes, sir.

6001 Central Expressway?

Yes.

On the corner of Central Expressway and West Spring Creek Parkway?

Spring Creek, yes.

Yeah.

How come none of the departments, when I call them, they don't ring?

Oh, it's very busy.

Hold on, let me try again.

Okay, it's automotive.

Okay.

I think you're just dialing wrong, because you're a woman.

Oh, okay.

Spring Creek Walmart, TLE.

Is this the automotive?

Yes.

Oh, hey, this is Bhenchod from the store security department.

Is there a man buying a shirt right now?

Excuse me, you're breaking up.

Oh, is there a man buying a shirt at your register right now?

Yeah, he just was.

Oh, can you catch him?

Can you call him back?

Hold on.

About batteries, they say it's $89.

I don't know if we have that much.

Oh, I see.

so you're actually i'll just i'll yeah i'll just wait here um just check okay how much is it sir

109 total um is that what i bring the old battery back all right yeah i think he's

hi hello oh hello can i help you oh who's this is this automotive still

oh i was trying to get a hold of uh the guy that was buying the shirt hello hi is this the guy that

was buying a shirt yeah okay listen you're not allowed to buy shirts in automotive that's stupid

Stupid. How gay are you? Come on.

What do you mean, how gay am I?

No, listen. You go to the normal register.

I know you think you're a...

I mean, my car is parked over here.

I know you think you're really smooth trying to save time

and go to the automotive to buy shirts,

but that's retarded.

Why don't you just go to the front like the rest of the people?

Because my car is parked out here

on the side by the automotive.

Because I went into the TV department

to look there, and the closest exit

and entrance to the TV department

is automotive.

Okay, you sound like an asshole.

You're an asshole.

You're being an asshole.

Hey, listen, buddy.

Who are you?

You're the type of person that buys towels and pays in electronics to save time.

You don't talk to me.

You don't talk to customers like that, buddy.

Basically, you're cutting in line.

You're an asshole.

You're cutting in line.

You don't talk to customers.

You don't call them names.

You don't curse at them.

We're going to have your car towed for being such an asshole.

You think you can save...

sir hello hello did i lose the patient yeah he's gone ah i wanted to

yeah i don't i don't know this guy's like really mad and i do we haven't are we gonna do the battery

or what are we gonna do definitely get the guy's kind of busy right now hey wait be quiet oh i'm

I'm just waiting on battery information.

Yeah, I don't...

I'm just going to come back at another time, because I don't know what's going on here.

Just wait, wait.

We want to hear them yell at each other.

Huh?

I want to hear them yell at each other, if you can, if you can stay there, if possible.

Well, I can try to wait over here.

Something happened with the guy with the shirt or something.

Oh, weird.

I wonder what happened.

Do you hear that?

Yeah.

Should I try and call back?

I think I'm going to try and call back.

I want to tell the cashier that he's a shoplifter.

Oh, it's busy again.

Oh, thank you for calling Walmart.

Yeah, I'm leaving.

Okay.

I'm going to tell him it's you.

No.

Oh, hello, ma'am.

Hello.

Oh, could I have automotive, please?

Pretty, please.

Please don't.

Come on, get your Walmart to a loop.

Hey, I'm calling from the source security again.

That guy that's yelling, he's a shoplifter.

He shoplifted.

You need to search his pants.

He's got something down the front of his pants.

He wants the manager.

Well, I know, but he put a can of WD-30 down the front of his pants.

Does it look like he has a large bulge in the front of his pants?

He paid for two, Arden.

Yeah, he paid for two, but then he put the oil.

He took some oil and put it down the front of his pants.

Okay, well, he's calling for y'all.

Y'all can come check him.

Yeah, but can you look in the front of his pants?

Do you see a bulge in the front of his pants?

Oh, like, do you think, how much of it do you think is his cock?

And how much of it do you think is oil?

Like, just a regular quart of oil?

Can you ask him to unbutton his pants?

No.

No, I'm ordering you.

He needs to unbutton his pants.

Just say, sir, unbutton your pants.

I'm going to get you to speak with Kevin.

He's going to know.

He's going to know he's busted.

Hello?

Hey, Kevin.

Hey.

That man, he stole some oil.

That man that's yelling.

He's trying to create a diversion so he can steal more oil with all the yelling.

Okay, so.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah, he knows that we know.

No, like ask him to unbutton his pants because they're down the front of his pants.

Just to say, sir, sir, unbutton, unbutton the front of your pants because the oil's

there and just see how his reaction is real quick.

I feel more comfortable with somebody else's back here as well.

You know, can you send police?

Oh, no, because we're so busy.

We've got shoplifters in every department right now.

Um, just to say, sir, unbutton your pants.

Just do that real quick.

I don't feel comfortable doing that.

No, it's okay.

Cause he knows that we know.

Okay.

So what do you think?

Just say, excuse me, sir, unbutton your pants.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but we're just...

It sounds absolutely ridiculous.

I know, just say, sir, unbutton your pants.

Just do it real quick.

You have the same security or something.

What?

You have the same security or something.

I cannot do that.

Say, sir, unzip your pants.

Do you know whoever called this line?

Uh-huh.

Huh? Yeah, that's what he's

asking about. Oh, well, because

he's angry because we caught him shoplifting.

Just tell him to

give us the quart of oil back, and

we'll just let him go.

Just say, sir, give us the quart of oil back

that you stole. Just say, I'm butting your

pants.

Alright, I don't

know how to do this. Bye. Well, no, just

get the quart of oil from him.

Tackle that motherfucker. Okay, Stacy,

are you there? He's gone. Stacy?

Stacy? Stacy?

I can't hear you if you're talking, Stacy.

Yes! Yes! Yes! Dude, I'm watching the video. It's perfect.

Did you? Oh, really? That's amazing.

Yeah, basically, I put it in my front pocket, so everywhere I turned, you can see.

Oh, that's awesome.

Perfectly. You can see the guy coming back. You can't really hear it very well, but I mean, that doesn't matter.

Yeah, I mean, like, if you want, I could edit it together with my audio.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. At one point, I was about to laugh, so I turned around for a little bit.

it but then i turned back did you hear what i just said to him and like the yeah i heard everything

i was on mute and and the guy that i yelled at he's he's in the car right now he was getting

upset because the guy was on the phone laughing he's like this isn't funny oh really yeah just

now everyone's saying to mobile upload it to youtube right now oh shit at one point my coat

goes over it oh crap oh well you got part of it yeah i got most okay i think i turn around and

And there we go.

Perfect.

Yay.

Back to perfection.

Yeah, this is where he starts getting really angry.

Wow, this is pretty good.

I'm impressed.

You can see the guy kind of looking, the guy that originally answered the song kind of looking and getting concerned.

We're the new Longmont Potion Castle people.

What?

Nothing.

They go around, like, doing pranks and taping reactions and stuff.

Oh, man.

At one point, my coat goes over it again.

That goddamn coat.

Coat. I hate your coat.

I almost took it off.

Hey, I'm going to...

But yeah, this is when I ran away and I couldn't take it.

Hey, it's been close to like...

But then I came back.

Two hours now. I think it's break time for us.

Well, I need to... Do I need to go somewhere else?

If you want, sure. I was thinking of like just taking a, you know, maybe 10 minute break.

I want to get a Pepsi refill and poop.

Okay. Well, that'll be enough time for me to go.

And then there was another guy that was, like, working, like, in the aisles, putting stuff up.

Yeah.

And he came by, and he's like, what's going on?

And he, like, kind of laughed a little bit.

I remember once...

And then I ran away.

Once Mr. Espesa and Trevor and all of them were doing calls, and they tried to get a convenience store that I was in to shut off the lights while I was inside.

Oh, yeah?

But they failed at it.

But we've got to do this.

There's the part where you can't really hear it.

I don't know if my volume's just down and I can't turn it up or what.

Well, iPhones suck at recording audio.

You can still hear it in the background, right?

Oh, yeah.

At that point where you hung up and I walked away and you could still hear him in the background.

Oh, yeah.

Yep.

Still works.

Yeah, yeah.

If you want, I can put the audio with the video together and then we can put it on your channel.

No, but what I'm saying is you still heard him in the background.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it was hilarious.

He was so angry.

Okay.

Okay, okay.

Thanks, Stacey.

It was pretty good.

It was the greatest idea ever.

I'm impressed.

It only took two hours for something to happen.

Okay, I think I'm going to go to Best Buy.

Okay.

Well, do you mind if I take...

It's across...

Well, I'm just going to tell you where it is.

It's across the highway, so all you've got to do is zoom out on Google Maps.

Oh, okay.

Best Buy is right across the highway.

I see it.

No, really, I'm going to go pee.

I'm going to head over there.

I'm gonna go pee, and I'm gonna go get Pepsi refills, and, um, like, ten minutes.

Okay, just call me back.

Okay, alright, so I'll, uh, very soon.

Okay, bye.

Yeah, break time, everyone. Ten minutes, I'm gonna play a few songs, and then I'll be back.

I'm so dumb. I should've played prank calls while I'm gone.

Uh, I'm gonna, like, play a prank call, and then I'll be back.

Wait, what?

Pee! Alright, that's like a, you know, another seven minutes on that call, and I don't wanna wait seven minutes.

It's too long. That's why I should just play music.

All right. So, um, yeah, this is the 24 hour madhouse marathon you're listening to. I'm

currently in my third hour of doing this and I have like an hour and 50 minutes left with me

and Roxy and we should have some other people call in soon. But, uh, for now, Roxy wants to,

not, not what I just said. I mean, with me and Stacy. Yeah. Me and Stacy. Who's that other person

and i'm talking about i don't even know what i'm saying it's early i'm delirious i don't i don't

even know what i'm saying nobody heard me say roxy i'm sure of that okay um let's see i've got to

find her phone number again but she's not on skype this is it calling stacy stacy not roxy hey hey

stacy hey good news i did get audio on that last one oh good yay you can just upload it directly

You should just upload it right now.

Do like a mobile upload.

Well, I can't because it's on this iPhone, which does not have internet.

Oh, I see.

But you're at Best Buy, so you can connect to their Wi-Fi.

No.

Fine.

Okay, so I'm about to go.

This place is fucking packed.

People are going in and out at such a fast rate.

I think I should tell the listeners, like, they should go to your YouTube.

By the time they hear this on the podcast feed, it should be up.

So it's like YouTube.com slash...

To adjust the video itself?

Because I want you to edit out the location before you put it on YouTube.

Edit out the location?

Yeah.

What do you mean, the location?

Because it's close to my apartment.

I don't want people knowing.

Where's the location?

Like, where do people know where it's from?

Because you named the street, you weirdo.

Oh, yeah, okay, yeah.

Anybody can type that into Google, you know?

I'll cut that out.

I will, I promise.

I always cut out.

Usually I cut out the name Walmart, but I don't think I need to cut out Walmart on that part.

I just need to cut out the location.

But I'm afraid the Walmart people are going to see this and be like, that was the lady.

But I never go to that Walmart anyway.

Now, I have been to this Best Buy before.

Walmart's not that smart.

Don't get us.

They can't figure things out like that.

That's crazy.

Okay, so how should I...

You might be able to get more than one call out of this, because there are a lot of fucking people here.

Yeah, it'd probably be easier to get transferred around that store, too, than it is Walmart, you know, because it's...

It's a small store, but I can give you the names of certain people.

I'll just do it on Skype.

I'll then, you know, be like, hey, is Jim there?

You know.

Okay, I need to ask you.

You said it's across the street, but the only Best Buy I found is a little bit down the street.

Like, you had to drive quite a ways down the...

A little bit south?

Yeah, south.

South and then across the street.

Like, how far south?

Like, not too far.

You know, several blocks, I guess.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I just basically went across a street and went on the other side of the expressway.

Okay, yeah, other side of the expressway.

Okay, so I got the right one.

I just wanted to make, because it sounded like you meant it was just right across the street,

but it was more several blocks down.

Yeah, that's what I meant.

Okay, okay, I just want to make sure.

I don't want to call the wrong one again, like I did last time.

Is it by a wine store?

Um, hell if I know.

I'm not looking at the image, street view thingy.

What does Best Buy call their security people?

I guess I could just say with security.

I wouldn't do anything with security, though.

Okay, well, that's what I said to that, to talk to the Walmart.

I would do something like, hey, we just raised our price.

Or say something like, what they do here is they do price match, where they price match on their own website.

Uh-huh.

Which is stupid.

But, yeah, if there's an online price.

I wonder if I could call a cashier and be like, hey, we just price matched that iPod.

It's only going to cost $10.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna send you some information in Skype on who's not in one.

Okay. So, like, what departments are you gonna be hanging out at? Like, how do I get a hold of you?

Well, um, yeah, everything's electronics department.

Well, yeah, but, like...

I'm gonna tell you the names of the, you know, person.

Okay.

That you need to talk to.

So I'm just...

Because, I mean, I'm just gonna open up my Skype and...

okay well am i going are you at the front registers or are you by the computers right

now i'm walking in right now i just can't i'm not sure i think i'm walking in the wrong way

that's the worst thing i do that's a good thing oh my god it's cramming

there's no way you'll get in trouble i don't like this you don't like this

No, too many people.

I've never done this before.

Oh, my God.

Don't get trampled.

Don't worry.

If they trample you, all of your body fat will protect you.

No, I don't like people.

This is really bad.

Okay.

So, it's worse than Walmart?

Yes, way worse.

Way worse.

Can you tell that lady to shut her kid the fuck up?

Okay, hold on.

Okay, wait a minute.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Don't die.

Hey, can you see if they have Horsey Cat on interactive CD-ROM?

I want to get that for my kids.

Right there?

Yeah.

Okay, I'm trying to send a message to you.

Oh, okay.

I guess I should watch that screen.

Well, okay.

Call the home theater section.

Okay.

And there's a black lady buying, she's sitting down buying something.

Okay.

Okay. What other descriptive terms can I use for a black lady?

Like, is she wearing a coat or anything?

I don't want to just call and say, let me talk to the black lady.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay. I'm calling it.

Okay.

Thanks for calling Best Buy in Plano.

For store hours, press 1.

For directions, press 2.

Speak to a sales associate, press 3.

For pricing and availability, press 1.

For questions regarding a previous purchase and all other questions, press 2.

Your call is very important to us.

All sales associates at this location are currently assisting other customers over the phone.

I'm third in line.

There is one customer ahead of you.

Yay.

A lot of deals here, but I don't know what I'm getting.

We can help you beat the holiday rush, but we can't offer a low-price guarantee.

We know price is important all year, but it's especially important around the holidays.

Relax.

Knowing that any of you find a lower price on qualified products, we'll match it with our low-price guarantee.

You can find full details on our low-price guarantee in-store or online at BestBuy.com.

Yeah, the information I gave you, it's done.

Oh, she's gone?

Done.

Am I still doing home theater then?

Cameras.

Okay.

For cameras.

Still on hold.

Hi, I'm a same-plane. My name is Dawson. How may I help you?

Hi, is this the camera department?

Um, what camera were you looking for?

Oh, I was trying to get a hold of the phone over by cameras.

What camera were you looking for? How can I help you?

Oh, well, is this the camera department? Is that who I reached, or is this somewhere else?

Yeah. Yes, sir.

Okay. Um, I'm calling from the, uh, you know, security.

The, the, do you think?

Yeah, I was calling from the security department.

Oh, do you want to talk to our AP, our security people?

No, no, I'm with AP. I'm calling from the AP room. Do you see a lady there in a blue coat?

One second. Let me go ahead and get our AP for that.

Okay, great. That makes sense. But ma'am, wait, can you hear me? Ma'am? Ma'am? Ma'am? Ma'am? Ma'am? Ma'am? Hello, ma'am?

Okay, Stacey, I hung up because I didn't know what to say.

And she was giving me the runaround, like I was trying to ask her.

Are you there, Stacey?

I cannot hear you, Stacey.

Abort, abort.

Stacey, I'm going to start calling layaways again.

Ah, Stacey just dropped.

All right.

Oh, she's messaging me.

Oh, she was messaging me.

She sent me information on Skype, so it's my own dumb fault for not seeing Skype.

Hi.

What happened?

Did you get it?

Did I get what?

Did you get my message?

Yes.

Well, I just did.

I didn't hear them when I was talking to her.

Oh, shoot.

Did you hear what we said?

What me and the camera lady said?

Hello?

And she dropped.

All right, let me call her cell phone.

She called me on Skype just then.

Oh, wait.

Did she drop?

Well, anyway, I'm going to call her phone.

40 minutes, maybe 30.

Hey.

Hello.

Hi.

Yeah, did you get...

Okay.

Well, you're not on the phone with them, are you?

No, I'm not.

No?

No, I'm not.

Okay, well, let me find out.

Okay.

um same area cameras i mean i'm in camera okay well i may have messed up what to look for i may

have messed up my chances there oh because i i screwed up okay what what else should i look at

then um they already have a camera i mean what else can i buy them um okay thanks um what do

you think i should buy them was that an employee that told you ipod yes that was cliff oh hi cliff

um let's see hey listen go to uh i'm gonna have an i'm gonna get an employee to strip search you

like i'm gonna say no you shoplifted no no this is gonna be good because in the end no please don't

you can sue them and get a bunch of money no please please don't and then you can quit your

job how about how about calls all day how about you get them to do something else like all right

wish me a happy birthday or something no no i won't involve you if you don't want to i just

wanted to get you strip searched good well i kind of want to also but i mean i can't decide who's

gonna do it then point yeah yeah um well okay so there is a hold on a second let me see what

go to the sports department there there is no such thing okay hold on that was overload's idea

you i'm gonna call layaway while you're searching all right did you get that oh uh let me look

no did i get what i don't see anything are you there yeah did you get one sent you to okay let

me call you right back stupid skype uh skype ever since the last update on skype my skype on both

computers it just does this thing where just the whole screen of it locks up and it's really

annoying and I think I'm not seeing her messages because of it all right let me

call her first or maybe they just didn't send because I still don't see them

not available Stacy's not answering and Skype already did its crashing thing

again well I thought it was Skype but you never sent any messages to me so I

think your internet on your phone's not working okay there's my game I don't

know okay Greg in which department I don't know what department it is there's

There's a guy in purple buying stuff.

It's like near the home theater department.

Okay.

The guy in purple is buying something, and he needs...

Well, he's leaving now, so there's a couple there.

There's a couple, and the guy is Logan.

His name is Logan.

How do you know his name?

Thank you for calling Best Buy in Plano.

For store hours, press 1.

For directions, press 2.

Name's Andy.

To speak to a sales associate.

Oh.

For pricing and availability.

I thought you knew the customer's name.

Remember, they need a dance.

Okay.

Okay, I don't think they're going to do it.

Ringing phones.

Hey, Stacey, can you start a fire in the store?

No, I'm on mute.

Thank you for calling Best Buy and Plano.

My name is Justin.

How may I help you?

Could I have the home theater department, please?

Um, what were you looking for?

Oh, don't give me that shit again.

Just put me through to home theater.

They have a phone over there, right?

Um, unfortunately, they're all busy with customers.

How can I help you?

No, I need to talk to Logan.

Hey, it's, uh, I'm with the corporate office, you know?

Logan, let me see if he's available.

Okay, he's available.

It's, I'm, I'm with the corporate.

I'm looking at him on the camera.

wasn't even in the camera department before she's just pretending hello ma'am oh it's weird it's

completely silent yeah they have this tv on sale here so i'm just looking um do you think it says

ultra hd tv i'm not sure what that means i'm just gonna keep talking i think that's one of those

tube tvs from the 80s yeah it's gonna be silent for a while i'm thinking yeah that's weird though

So, like, there should be music.

It's not, because I'm having a conversation on the phone at the same time while I'm trying to decide.

Oh, never mind. I can't say that.

What?

Nothing, nothing. I was going to make a suggestion, but it was a bad suggestion.

What would you like me to, what would you like?

Set everything on fire.

I don't think that's possible.

Do you have a lighter on you?

They'll mount your TV for $199. That's pretty cool.

That's a good deal.

ask somebody if they have a light say hey man you got a light and then take their lighter and just

set everything on fire no no i'm really liking this tv though it's pretty cool oh yeah five

thousand dollars oh that's a bargain anyone who doesn't anyone who doesn't spend that kind of

money on a television is from the ghetto stupid ghetto people not spending five thousand dollars

on televisions well this is pretty stupid um yeah we're not having much luck getting transferred

at the store but whatever the walmart thing was amazing so we'll just be happy with that

let's give up just go home stacy oh she hung up ah fuck it fuck it skype is being

dumb stupid dumb skype oh now i see stacy's messages from six minutes ago i've reached

No! Don't say the number! Don't do it! Don't do it!

Ugh, okay.

Nobody's picking up today.

I have a few more of these layaways, so I'm just going to try these real quick.

I'm waiting for Stacy to call me.

I found a request here.

Oh, I wonder...

Oh, hold on. Before I do this request, I'm going to try this one.

I want to try the Axe guy from Bud K.

I really needed to delete his number, but I always wanted to get a hold of him one more time.

I know my loop's messed up spray.

I made it quickly last night.

Hey, can you leave carding notes?

Let's do Black Friday carding notes.

Tee hee.

All right, I'm going to call her cell number.

Title of the show is going to be Stacy's Bad Reception.

Oh my god, fucking Skype.

I can't even...

All right, got to reboot Skype.

It's just going to crash as soon as I turn it back on, though.

Thanks, Stacy, for this.

Oh, look, Skype just crashed.

That's weird.

I wasn't expecting that to happen. Hey, hey

Stacy you're making creepy noises. That was weird. It's weird

These crashes only seem to happen on my new Skype account not on my old Skype account

I think Skype's just trying to chase me away. I can Skype. Yeah, I don't know if people want to call me

Go ahead and call me

I was thinking I would try this thing this guy named Pedro

Set up a Twitter. It's a lot like a freaks Twitter that he set up years before that retweets

It's people's phone numbers whenever they tweet them, and it's twitter.com slash prankcaller,

except there is no E in the word prankcaller.

They're being all hip, like Tumblr.

So I'm going to try and call this first one, the most recent one on his list.

It's been retweeted.

This guy named Hank got a crispy new cell phone.

Text me with your name.

I lost all my contacts.

Dr. Unk wants to call Michelle.

That's a good idea.

Well, no, she never picks up anymore.

The mailbox belonging to Claire is full and cannot...

That was the best voicemail ever.

I wish I could have left a message.

All right, next one is Laurel.

It's from November 24th.

She finally got a new phone.

She lost all her contacts, though.

And it's an iPhone 5.

Hey, Laurel.

Who is this?

This is Gary from Apple.

I'm calling about your iPhone 5.

Oh, yeah?

It looks like it's been hacked.

I can see your camera right now.

I'm like, I'm in the security department.

I'm looking, I'm watching you and your camera right now on your iPhone 5.

Oh, so...

I mean, all I can see right now is your ear because you're on it, but, you know.

So, what do we do about it?

I don't know.

I've been watching you, though, for days now, ever since you got it set up on the new phone,

and I figured it's about time I call and just let you know.

Okay.

I can see everything you're doing.

It's so creepy.

It's so creepy that I'm able to do this.

What can we do about it?

Well, it's a malware.

You downloaded malware.

I think Snapchat is malware.

malware um and it's a it's kind of like a virus it thrives on heat um can you put your phone in

the freezer for about five minutes and that should do the trick hey um here wait a second dad come

here wait no no i don't need to talk to your dad i snapped a lot of pictures though of you

like over these past couple days i snapped so many pictures because i just wanted to make sure

you know i wanted to make sure that um it really was malware with snapchat okay um so i just snapped

I snapped so many pictures, and I took a bunch of video, and I copied your files and your passwords.

And just, like, are you near the kitchen?

Um, no.

I'm sitting in here.

You have to run to the kitchen as fast as possible.

Run.

Why?

Because it'll help the virus.

It's the motion detectors in the phone.

They can detect the running, the speed of the phone.

And if you run to the freezer, you'll catch it off guard.

Just run.

Run to the freezer.

Wait a second.

Throw it in the freezer.

Run like the wind.

Hello?

Hi, I'm calling from Apple about the virus on your daughter's cell phone.

What are you talking about?

Oh, there's a malware in her new iPhone 5.

It affects all the yellow phones.

All right, so what are you saying to do to resolve the issue?

Well, it comes in through Snapchat.

It's malware.

And we need you to put the phone in the freezer for 11 days.

Dude, whatever.

That'll fix everything.

You're an idiot, all right?

Hey, your daughter's an idiot for tweeting her phone number.

to the entire world, okay?

That's who the idiot is.

Aw, I don't think you heard that part.

Okay, guess who's calling back.

Hi, Stacey.

Oh my god, I'm almost home.

Oh, that's great.

I can't wait for you to be home.

What happened?

I don't know, I just went dead again.

Did you ever call Best Buy and follow the tips I gave you?

No.

Well, I did while you were in there, but was I supposed to after you left?

Yeah, I mean, why not?

I gave you information about who's working in what department.

well i can't get through to the apartments though it's just this one lady that answers and she

she just tries to help me instead of transferring me they're like target yeah it's actually better

than the call center i used to work at because we used to transfer you instead of try to help you

but these fucking bastards won't even do that goddamn best buy for being so helpful

a bunch of jerks okay well i don't know should i just go home or i haven't slept since like

6 p.m. last night so I would go home I think I'm gonna like take calls like if

people want to call in except I'm not telling anyone my Skype name and that's

probably what's that how are they gonna call in I don't know hopefully someone

will figure it out someone will be wow I have our BCP Skype name yeah dude he

He texted me, or not texted me, talked to me on Skype, like, why don't you do this?

Why didn't you do this?

Oh, I got on!

Yay!

It's Ice Goose.

Yeah.

Hey, you want to hear what I'm saying before I go to sleep?

Yeah, everyone wants to hear what you're saying.

He called me on, or he's, like, messaging me on Skype, like, hey, why didn't you get

me involved in this?

Why didn't you do that?

Why didn't you just tell me where to go?

I'm like, well, I didn't know where I was going or when I was going, and I had stuff

to do at home before and after.

Like, I'm really tired.

I gotta go to bed, blah, blah, blah.

He's like, made a big deal out of it.

Finally, I was like, you know what?

Fine.

I'm going to Best Buy right now.

Meet me there.

And he's like, oh, no, I'm cooking and drinking.

I'm just gonna stay home.

Stupid park dude.

So sick of his bullshit.

So, you know what, park?

Call in and go places for Arby.

Yeah, park dude.

If you wanna go to Best Buy, go to Best Buy.

Be my guest.

Hey, can you hear me pretty good right now, Stacy?

Like, quality's pretty good?

like you can hear everything perfect okay oh now you're cutting out all of a sudden but you can

hear me right yeah okay i i gotta i gotta yes yes i can hear okay i want to play a clip for you

okay oh do you know who dr demento is no um he's the guy that discovered weird owl and like all

the other wacky songs from the olden days like fish heads and stuff who's the guy on the phone

own that's ice goose oh hi ice whatever okay bye you're leaving okay are you saying hi hi okay dr

demento um he he does he plays wacky music he has a show on on the radio but i think it's just

internet radio now okay okay okay so you understand that part right yeah i'm gonna go to sleep no wait

no this is about you this is exactly about you all right okay like two years ago i did that song

song what city please remember it's like your indie music yeah and i apparently i don't even

remember doing this i just found this like two days ago but i he played it on his show and i

did a request and dedication to you so do you want to hear it real quick yeah okay here it goes

this is the very end of it it's just a few seconds for stacy stack of dallas what city

City Pleased by Redbox and the Chili Peppers,

and some union-related songs and comedy,

union made by the...

Isn't that amazing?

It's back when I liked you.

Hey, bitch.

Oh, hold on.

Yeah, that was...

It's back when I didn't hate you.

Aw.

You should send that little tiny clip to me,

and I'll play it.

Okay, all right.

On your next show with Parkdeid.

On my next show with the guy in the background

who I haven't talked to for a few months.

Ice Keys?

Yeah, after I did that season two, episode one, we never were able to get back together again.

And so I guess I wasn't kidding when I said it'll be another two years.

Oh, my God, it looks like there's a fight going on outside my apartment.

Oh, crap.

No, she's smiling.

It's always something crazy happening in your life.

It's not the garbage truck.

It's fights.

But they're not really fights.

They're just people smiling.

Sometimes I'll wake up places and not have a way to get home and have to take the bus.

And yeah, it's fucked up.

That's always crazy.

crazy. Dr. Unk was calling in a second ago.

You can try again. Ice Goose just

dropped. It says there's a

problem with his call. Oh, no.

Stupid Ice Goose.

Listen, Dr. Demento, he's been like a nationally

syndicated radio guy for years

and he said your name. Isn't that exciting?

He said your name and my name.

Well, yeah, maybe if I knew who he was

ahead of time. I mean, yeah.

It's like we're famous. Hey, since your

stuff seems to be working right now,

do you want to call somebody real quick?

Well, I'm about to go inside my

oh yeah it's starting it's not going to but okay if you if you call me on my um actual phone number

i'll have a connection yeah call me on my actual number bye okay uh dr unk dr unk hello dr unk

hello hey hey my skype's being all wacky so i wasn't sure if he answered or not yeah mine is

Mine is, too. Hold on one second. Let me get my microphone. Hello? Can you hear me?

Sure.

Hello?

Yes.

Hey.

I hear you.

Yeah, mine, too. Hold on one second.

No, you're broadcasting the show. Who would do that?

Huh?

Come on.

What?

You're such an amateur.

Right.

Dog!

No, I'm just making fun of you because I did the exact same thing on Brent Westwood's show this morning.

Amateurs.

Yep, that's me.

me oh that's why okay here we go now it's coming to my headset how does that sound i pass the fuck

out after our show pass the fuck out oh when was your show what time we went on at three o'clock

pacific so you were with um dialer no i was with science slob what oh i okay i didn't even know

yeah so he was like right before brent westwood yeah he was the one right before brent ah okay

yeah i was asleep i slept normal hours last night i missed all the shows i missed dialers

and i missed the last 30 minutes of carlitos because fuck staying up for prank calls fuck

that shit i'm gonna call this thing from uh it's twitter.com slash prank caller if if skype will

dial skype's not gonna dial rb i think we should call one of the chicks that put their phone number

up for the iphone and tell them they need to snap naked pictures to me what do you mean they put it

up for the iphone they put their phone numbers up on that twitter oh yeah should call him and say

hey you need to send me naked pictures i should have done that to the last one i think she was

14 because i'm from the corporate office and shit i can't make things dial stupid stupid yeah if it

keeps up i'm just gonna have to hang up on everyone oh no it lets me you're gonna have to

end the show too this number i don't know what's up with skype lately i don't i'm very hungry even

Thanksgiving 2013 Prankathon 5/7 – Roy and Staci in the Afternoon

Calls (42, 1 h 50 min of 3 h 21 min)

Transcript

Comments 0