Thanksgiving 2013 Prankathon 7/7 – Jiad and The Art of Phonelarking

I started to floss.

You what?

You have white turquoise?

I'm stupid.

Well, I was weird.

Oh, Lord, what could you do with some of them?

In other words, what are cracking lip at?

Who needs to leave my freaking number?

Yeah, I'm fine, gentlemen.

Keep your ass, because Dan just fucked me up, and I didn't expect it.

He gives me the phone, and he just fucks me up.

What the fuck?

Ma'am, how big is your husband?

It's none of your fucking business.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Don't use that language.

Oh, yeah.

Thanks for calling me gay, asshole.

I don't know how Sam did that.

It's been fucking up lately.

Here you go, Jaiad.

Everybody, phone larking.

Yay!

Horsey cat!

Horsey cats.

Welcome to another episode of phone larking.

I get to go ahead and wrap up the tail end of a pretty awesome marathon,

which not only inspired such great gifts as Horsey cats,

but also gave me a number to a fucking paranormal expert that I can't wait to play around with.

it fucking lady was nuts but i love it uh tonight on the show uh we're we'll have baz around for a

little bit he says he might have to cut out a little early but that's fine he's he's i think

he's participated in a few shows during this marathon so yes i have to the wee hours of the

morning oh yeah and then we also got ken ken i just assume that you you have not slept and you've

been on every show non-stop oh fuck that i might took a shit during the fucking uh during the

kickoff show so i have been mute until this point you hear that everybody you owe my are you

you'll can a new mic you guys broke his mic from listening to him talk too much so good job and

hosting as all we are broadcasting as always i should say is sloth so thanks for that um tonight's

show is brought to you by black friday where once a year it is completely normal to go ahead and

and cause harm to other people just so you can get a good deal on TV.

Thanks, Black Friday, for that fucking awesomeness that makes society kind of sad.

I got several ideas I'm going to try tonight.

We ended up with so fucking many Nielsen responses that I just couldn't believe it.

So I found a really unique way.

I figured, well, how can I still use these numbers without calling these people

and social engineering information, calling them three weeks later,

because obviously you can do shit like that.

So what I did is the people who emailed me, if you've noticed in emails

and stuff like that, a lot of times what it'll say is,

sent you by an iPhone by Verizon, shit like that, right?

So now I have these people's names, their numbers,

and I know who their providers are.

So it's time to do some Black Friday giveaways.

I figure that'll be a good way to kick things off.

Spixler, oh, okay, never mind.

Spixler's working, right?

Okay.

I believe so.

Okay, I just had to check.

My Mixler won't stop.

Mute Mixler? Okay, that's better.

All of a sudden I can hear my Mixler in the background.

Or I can hear me in the background like three seconds from now.

I'm experiencing time skips.

Somebody must have put a particle collider in my living room.

Motherfucker.

Hey!

I call a 911 right now.

Look who joined us. Ice Goose is here, everybody.

Yay!

Hey, Sloth, by the way, do you have sad music?

You know, that sad music from Lost?

If not, can you work on getting it?

Because Tabashi says he likes to end.

Okay, perfect.

Because he talked to me yesterday about wrapping up and how that's going to go down.

I love it.

How was Ice Goose tonight?

I'm doing pretty good.

You had much sleep?

How many shows have you been on?

I slept in, like, three-hour blocks.

I'm, like, shit balls.

I'm on like six or seven.

I'm doing pretty good.

Yeah, well, that isn't too bad.

I mean, you can always pop some Purple Tiger if you start feeling a little drowsy.

This is true.

Purple Tiger will keep you going.

Yeah, I just said that.

Yeah.

Marijuana's.

Okay, well.

Do a call, motherfucker.

Yeah, I think I'll quit delaying, and I'll do a call.

Oh, we're going to call.

Oh, by the way, guys, Robot Guy.

Now, you remember Robot Guy from Hawaii, that fucking coconut head?

He has left me a total of six messages trying to cancel his robot.

This is a guy that I was trying to give the survival pack to,

the one where he had an MP5, two clips, an EMP grenade, and a phone to call us.

Yeah.

So we're going to call him back at some point tonight.

But first, I want to try, before it gets too late,

I've got a lot of Michigan numbers.

I'd like to show a little of them.

Let's see.

I've got to look for one of these I've got.

Okay.

This is Ryan.

Ryan may not.

Ryan Stowers.

He may not live too far from me.

He has the same area code as me, but it's Black Friday.

We get to break all the rules.

Yeah, that's a great idea.

No, I don't.

In all honesty.

It's just like when Sloth and I were calling in bomb threats earlier.

Remember that, Sloth?

You motherfucker.

You son of a bitch, you.

It's Black Friday.

It was really funny.

Bad joke.

We didn't really do that.

Bad joke.

Sloth was upset.

In the jail room, he said no.

Yes.

Because this is not true.

Okay.

This guy could live, to be honest, if anybody knows anything about Michigan,

you could go up to the west side of the state and it holds the same fucking area code.

Ken, what area code are you in?

313.

Goddamn business.

Oh.

No, I just know he's from the east side.

Detroit.

Downtown Detroit is like 313.

I just figured he had to be from the ghetto of Detroit.

He is.

Mine covers pretty much half the state.

Okay.

Yeah, so you're out in the sprawl.

so what area code is that so when i find your phone yeah i'll give it to you like i said it

covers half the fucking states 517 and can we go ahead and have your password to your cable

it's in your social security number

okay all right i'm gonna go ahead and call this right yeah call call god damn it all right guys

Son of a bitch.

Eat you up, cat.

Get near my food.

Hi, you've reached Ryan.

I can't come to the phone right now.

Really?

So please leave your name, number, and brief message, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

I am blown away that that is Ryan.

I've never heard of a female named Ryan.

Okay, call in another one.

We're going to call Dave.

I called one on Arby's show, Alexi, and it was a guy.

And I didn't look at the picture until after, and I realized I fucked up.

What?

Yeah, there was a guy named Alexi.

No, but did you just say you fucked him?

What did you say?

No, I fucked up.

Oh, you fucked up.

Yeah, I didn't look at his Twitter profile, so I didn't know he was a dude until after.

Yeah, that was...

I was going to tell her that I fucking had herpes.

She needed to go get tested.

All right, this person, the good thing is they told me straight up.

They said...

This is James Nuker, I guess.

here i guess um he lives by detroit and he's um he's one of his suppliers uh u-verse by at&t so

we're gonna call him and give away stuff these people gave me way too much information this is

an unhealthy way to be in america okay here we go gee i'd tell that kid to shut the fuck up please

i'll try it won't work my show will end very early i'm looking for james this is ryan token i'm

I'm calling from AT&T.

I'm sorry?

Is this James?

Huh?

Did you say this is James?

Yeah, this is James.

Oh, this is Ryan Token.

I'm calling from AT&T.

We're your U-verse supplier?

Your U-verse skip?

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, we were doing a promotional giveaway today for Black Friday, and you won.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah, we actually are.

What you won is a horsey cat.

So, we can go ahead and just mail you this horsey cat if you're interested in winning.

I mean, if you agree, we can just mail it to you.

Horsey cat?

I want you to do it twice.

I'm going to take the phone to her, okay?

Perfect, perfect.

Thank you.

Okay.

I need you first.

In fact, Friday, we won.

Hello?

Hi, this is Ryan Token.

again um i was just talking to your husband uh i'm from at&t uh we we uh the u-verse supplier

for you and uh we were doing a black friday giveaway and uh your guys's name came up and

you won you won for the black friday prize and that is oh you won a horsey cat a horsey cat

yeah horsey cat are you familiar with horsey cat or do you need some explanation

i'm sorry ma'am you're cutting up what did you say it's a terrible fucking podcast phone

I'm calling back

How can anybody hang up on a free horsey cat

I don't think she hung up

Did she

She literally thought it was a horse cat

Hello

Yes ma'am

I don't know exactly

Hello

I'm not interested

No no

Thank you goodbye

Sir I am not interested

Too bad

We're sending you a horsey cat

You're going to like it

You know the great thing is

We know these people have a temper

And they're on the list to go ahead

And become a Nielsen family

family so i'm gonna go ahead and highlight them we're gonna call them in a little while

let her cool down a bit yeah they didn't at all seem unstable did they

okay who the hell turns around turns out a free prize unless i say a horsey cat she was like we

can't fit a horse in our house this is stupid as shit i should have just said you won fucking

four four hundred million dollars so just give me your credit card or give me your bank information

your bank account i normally don't eat on the air but i normally don't do seven o'clock shows so

deal with it yeah damn all right um pantech burst what's that pantech burst on at&t

anybody know what pantech is hello i i do not oh i thought it might go away

lux tried to get on i gotta add lux but let's see if i can have pantech let me google it yeah

Yeah, do that way. I'm trying to add. I hate it when

let's see. No, that's not right.

I'm trying to add Lux, but because he's

fucking yellow, it won't allow me just to

add him. Pantech Flux? Is that what you

said? Pantech

Burst. Burst.

And it's a trademark thing, so it's

an AT&T. Did you just call Lux yellow? Is that some

kind of racist comment? Yeah, goddamn

yellow. There he is. Now he's green.

Add to group call. Thanks, Lux. Titanium

cell phone. Sky-proliterate dummies.

Okay, we're

We're calling Dave.

Goddamn child's wake.

Oh, it's never awake during the show.

Tell your kid to shut the fuck up.

I would, but then my show would be over.

Your wife would beat you, right?

Yes.

You guys would hear him getting beaten?

Make that a call.

Tell your wife to shut up so your wife beats you on the phone.

All right, here we go.

He's laughing.

He thinks you're funny.

Yeah.

Does that make you look lighter?

Turn my radius down.

Hi, is Dave available?

What's your day?

Hi, Dave.

This is Ryan Tolkien.

I'm calling from AT&T.

We're your phone supplier, and I was just calling to let you know we were doing Black Friday giveaways, and you happened to win.

What did I win?

You won a HorseyCat.

A what?

A HorseyCat.

Do you pay attention at all to the high-demand children's toys?

because the horsey cat actually um right now i know it's like oh what i want to kill kids toy

for but they're actually going right now on ebay for about fifteen hundred dollars um walmart had

a deal on them and there was there was a riot so these things are in high demand right now so it's

a pretty decent price i mean uh do you have children or do you plan on selling it no i got

a lot of kids oh then they definitely know what a horsey cat is all right all right okay your choice

um so basically uh do you know do you want any more explanation on this horsey cat or you know

do you you just want me to go ahead and mail it to you what do you want to do well do i gotta pay

anything for it no absolutely not your name came up you won you know you you and there's actually

13 other winners and uh everybody's getting a free horsey cat all right perfect um yeah the horsey

horseycat is a it's it was it come from japan that's a cartoon in japan and it's a half cat

half horse um the only thing is is it's it's anatomically correct so there's just you got

to keep that in mind when you get it the japanese have a little bit different take on things but

kids know what it is because there's cartoons on the cartoon network about horseycat so

so so if you're happy with it we'll go ahead and send this to you if you want to sell it or give

Give it to your kids.

It's whatever you want to do.

Right on.

That's the first thing I ever want to do in my life.

Right on.

I don't got to pay nothing?

No, nothing.

Nothing at all.

All you got to do is just be happy that you're dealing with AT&T because we do our best

to keep our customers happy, and that's why we do promotions like this.

Right on.

All right.

Yeah.

Just for an audio commercial, can we just get you to say, like, I want a horsey cat.

Sure.

Sure, I want a horsey cat.

Okay, hold on.

You jumped the gun there.

Say, I want a horsey cat and AT&T, or how do we want to say that?

Let's get creative.

Let's say something really different because I don't want it to be the same as the other ones.

So how about, my provider is AT&T, and I want a horsey cat.

Sure, I can say that.

Let me know when I get that.

And go.

AT&T is my provider, and I want a horsey cat.

Perfect, perfect.

Now, the horsey cats do come.

We have a couple of different colors.

Do you want white, yellow, or brown-black?

The only main difference in them is the color and the anatomically correct size of their junk.

I don't care.

It doesn't make a difference.

Okay.

Black it is.

Okay.

All right.

Your horse will be in the mail, and it comes with a free, since I'm sending you the black ones, a free pack of Magnums.

So you're all set.

Very well.

Yep.

Thank you, sir.

Yep.

alright have a good night

horsey cat

you gotta send them to horseycat.com

oh there's a horseycat website

why would you fucking call

repeatedly what the shit

are you drinking

Axba bought the website

Jayad

designing it and I made the horseycat picture

let me see it

horseycat.com

let me type it in real quick

I am envious of that horseycat cock

That thing is fucking massive.

Horseycat.com

I'm going to make

a t-shirt out of it.

Oh, that is so funny.

He really didn't get the penis thing, did he?

And I told him, since you picked the black one, I'll send him a free pack of Magnums.

Give it a fucking week

and Brent Carter will have Horseycats

fucking manufactured and sold.

Oh, I know. And it'll be a song

that's getting played all over.

all it needs is his his approval well you know it was funny when i came to the show i i so i had

and i hadn't listened to carlito show so they're talking about horse the cat i was like what the

fuck are you guys talking about oh i could not hear that yeah i know it's been every every

fucking call that i won't say every call but every hour that i've listened to this horsey

cat's been mentioned so i said fuck it i guess it started with carlito though oh yeah he started

yeah he started out trying to give away a horsey cat you know in typical carlito fashion you know

like i forgot what the call was but it was like or was he calling to see if they had a toy is that

what it was you got one of them horsey cats yeah that's one of the horsey cats you just go to your

computer machine and type in horsey cat and it'll tell you he's like uh he's like yeah the horse

machine they have the horsey uh horse horsey cat i think he was yes said and he's like the horsey

Horseycat, yeah, that.

It's got, like, a horse penis.

Oh, that's perfect.

The redeem at thehorseycat.com.

Oh, that's so funny.

I'm going to do that.

Has anybody done that one yet?

Send somebody to horseycat.com?

No, no.

That's what we were trying to tell you to do.

I mean, it's lost.

Okay, I didn't know that existed.

The new meat spin.

We're horseycatting people.

Yeah, horseycat.

Okay.

Dude, this, I don't know how this chick made it to college without ever having a boyfriend,

but it's starting to freak me out.

Shut up, drunk goose.

I'm not drunk, goddammit.

I actually left my alcohol at my dad's house, so.

It's not his fault.

He was up all night, and he's been taking Purple Tiger.

Yeah.

Fucking loose.

I've been taking Purple Tigers, goddammit.

Purple Tiger will kick your ass.

Okay, who am I calling?

Hold on.

Let's try this one.

Gavin?

Perfect.

Damn, I love that picture.

When they answer, I'm just going to call the motherfuckers.

No, I can't.

You are not authorized to call this number by your account holder.

by my account holder who's that yeah ice goose what the fuck yeah what did you do

jerky okay i'm gonna fuck that horsey cat dad send me that image anthony this guy's name is

anthony carbone which i'm pretty sure he must sell fucking self-help books doesn't it sound

like a self i'm anthony carbone i'm gonna look up the name because it sounds familiar like a

fucking guy who sells bullshit i'm just curious so i'm gonna look him up real quick oh i'm not

accepting it from lux it's gonna be a meat spin it's my image i'm the one who made it it's gonna

be a meat spin no it's not that's the original one i'm gonna make a bunch more too it's the

horse yeah there is an anthony carbone i was right all right this is me i wonder if this is the real

anthony carbone because this is meat spin warning you will get 43 sgds no dick friends envy for

owning one. Anyway. Get one now before

Sloth and Diaz kidnap

them.

Who's son of the Horsey cat?

Me. That's the picture I made.

Get them now

before Sloth tries to take them.

Yeah, he's evil. Oh, I already have that one, dude.

Yeah, I was giving it to Ice Goose

and Baz and stuff.

Ah, ah. Okay, I'm calling.

That son of a bitch, Sloth.

Son of a bitch. Alright.

I think I got a good feeling for this now.

I'm gonna ruin it.

I'm just going to straight up ruin it.

You have reached the voicemail box of 623261.

Aha!

Guess the last four, fools.

Shut up, dog.

It's definitely, it definitely doesn't have 581623.

Yeah, ice cubes, go fuck yourself.

I sent G out the fucking casting agency numbers.

No!

I sent them for the people.

Hold on, hold on.

I'm doing a call.

Hold on.

Oh, you motherfucker.

Stop. Stop. Mute.

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

Motherfucker.

6-1-6-8-9-3-0-3 is not available.

At the tone, please record your message.

When you've finished recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options.

Hi, this is Ryan Token. I'm calling from Apple.

Apple. I'm looking for a Josh Drake, owner of an iPhone. For our Black Friday special,

his name was entered to win a prize, and Josh has won a prize. We're only allowed to hold

the prize, or we have to give it to the next person for 30 minutes, so I'm going to go

ahead and just try to call Josh back in the next 30 minutes, and I hope you answer, Josh.

Josh, it's a nice prize.

Thank you for shopping with Apple.

That was my way to try to get him to answer.

Ken, you're a motherfucker.

I'm just going to kick you from the chat every time you join.

You want to Skype with that Hawaiian with the fucking porn?

With the long hair and the titties.

One of the responses for the casting agency.

That's some bullshit.

I was trying to get him to join the GI casting agency to do porn.

one of them sent a bunch of pictures

and a 30 minute private

fuck video she did

and Ice Goose is upset because he wants

to Skype with her

don't give Gian her number

come on

I don't think it matters if she gets a prank

phone call I think you could probably still bang her

she's sending fuck videos out

this is true but if I go to Hawaii

it wasn't an impressive video I'll tell you that

nah it really was

she's one of those fucking Samoan fucking really fat

no

Oh, no. She was skinny.

So she's like a meth head?

She looks like somebody who a dog the bounty hunter would bust?

Oh, man.

Oh, I forgot to tell you, G.

She sent like

five or six more pictures just this morning.

Oh, shit? Yeah.

Let me ask you guys something. So this person

responded to the ad with a nook.

Is the company's name Nook?

I tried to look it up. Who makes Nook?

That's a good question.

I think it's the Nook.

Communists.

Yeah, Dora the Explorer and the Communists.

Oh, God.

We're oppressing Libya, or not Libya, Cuba.

Seriously, though, is it Nook?

Seriously, it's Barnes & Noble.

God damn it.

Oh, Barnes & Noble?

Yeah.

Oh, awesome.

Dumbass.

I don't know stuff like that.

I don't know how to use words.

Don't make fun of me because I never learned how to read.

I'm calling Tammy.

Hey, has your wife ever questioned what you're doing?

Like, ever walked in and been like, you okay in there?

Yeah.

I was kind of curious.

I was kind of curious after you pretended to beat Lux.

No, no, nobody was holding my beating.

Afterwards, I was saying I get to kind of be a little cranky

because most of the time I do my show at 10 at night

and everybody's sleeping, so I can't do shit like that.

The few times that I have slapped my table and stuff like that,

she wakes up, what's going on over here?

I try my best not to do that, but that's why I said,

oh, cool, I get to beat Lux ruthlessly because it's during the day.

yeah lots of this dick yeah all right making a call your call has been forwarded to an automatic

voice message system sick of people not answering we're calling back i think that looks suspicious

when you do it hate it when they don't answer yes sir i'm telemarketer i really want my fucking

money okay your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system i'm gonna just

jump to the next real quick because i just i want to get this call to him i think it's hilarious

hilarious to send somebody to horseycat.com.

Yeah, and

me and Palindrome are talking.

You know how the cactus and PLA things

start off with everybody saying it?

Do it to a Best Buy.

Do that shit to a Best Buy. Shut up, Blux.

Shut up, Ice Goose.

We want to get together

audio so we can clip together

different people saying horseycat.

That's kind of what I was thinking when I made that guy yell.

I got a horseycat.

Dude, make

Make a Best Buy go to it.

Make what?

Make a Best Buy go to it.

Yeah.

Give me a second.

I'm going to do this one first.

No, no.

Fuck that.

Fuck that shit.

Ken, go suck a dick.

Tangy?

His name is...

Her name is Tangy.

Okay.

Tangy Darkin.

Hello?

Hi, I'm looking for a Tangy Darkin.

Did I say that right?

Tangy?

Thank you.

Oh, okay.

Hi, this is Ryan Tolkien.

I'm actually calling from T-Mobile.

Tonight, we actually were doing a drawing for people who own T-Mobile phones for Black Friday, and you won.

Oh, yay.

Yep, you won.

What we're giving away is some horsey cat dolls.

You said some what?

Horsey cat dolls.

It's a new thing that kids are into.

So, you know, they're pretty valuable, too.

The stores are kind of clogged up right now with people trying to get to them.

In Atlanta, there was actually a small riot that unfortunately happened over some horsey cat dolls.

So they're in pretty high demand right now.

So, I mean, it sounds like you've got some children.

You can give them to your children, or you could sell them on eBay.

They're going for a pretty good price right now.

So I'm assuming you're interested.

They're free.

There's no catchers or anything.

We're just happy that you deal with us at T-Mobile.

oh okay okay um all i need you to do is go and redeem you got to go to our website and redeem

the prize um do you have a computer or anything handy right now where you could go to a website

and i'll walk you through it real quick yeah okay tell me whenever you're ready and i'll

give you the address oh i'm ready okay it's a horsey and that's spelled h-o-r-s-e-y

then the word cat

c-a-t right after it, all one word

dot com

okay

I got it

alright, tell me when the page is up

oh no, I'm not on the page yet, I'm just writing it down

oh no, no, I gotta walk you through

the registering process, do you have anything

available to

oh yeah, I can't go to the computer right now

oh

okay, well just go to HorseyCat

it isn't too hard to figure out

if you have any problems, you can just call

Call, you know, up to T-Mobile and just tell them that you were one of the winners

and you're redeeming the Black Friday prize,

and they can help walk you through how to fill out the form and stuff.

Okay.

You got any questions for me, or are you all set?

I'm all set.

Perfect.

Have a good Black Friday.

You too.

Bye-bye.

Horsey cat out.

I know.

Yeah, it's a horsey cat out.

I didn't want to ruin it because it's like, ah, she'll still go there, but whatever.

Oh, she'll probably still go there if I call her a stupid monkey.

All

All right.

Let's see how many more of these she's got.

I had to put the phone down for a minute.

Did she actually go to that site?

No, she wrote it down, and then I was like, okay, tell me when the picture comes up.

She was like, oh, no, I'm not putting it in.

I'm writing it down.

I was like, God damn you.

You didn't listen to a word I said.

Or you heard the word free.

All right.

Top of the hour, everybody.

Top of the hour.

Well, you might tell them.

Oh, go ahead.

Go ahead.

I'm drinking.

We were just making fun of my clock, I believe.

You might want to tell them that you need them to log on to the website and verify it while they're on the phone with you so that you can confirm the verification or something like that.

That's exactly what I tried.

Okay.

She said she didn't have access.

Oh, Jesus.

All right.

Who did I call?

I called Dave.

My dog is in pain.

He's dead.

What did you guys say?

That was Tangy.

Tangy Darkin.

No, no.

I'm trying to get to the next one.

I'm trying to call back the person I said I'd call back in a half an hour.

I think that was Dave.

Yeah, it was Dave.

All right, we're trying Dave again.

I think it was Dave.

Did I have...

Yeah, yep, it was Dave.

Shit, Dave.

Motherfucker.

If not, I'll tell Dave.

Fuck off.

Come on, go suck a dick.

All right.

All right, I'm calling.

Hi, is this Dave?

Yeah.

Hi, Dave.

This is Ryan Tolkien calling from AT&T.

How are you?

I'm doing.

Good.

You won our Black Friday prize.

Huh?

Are you interested in it?

You sound busy.

No, you guys just called me and told me I wanted some horsey cat.

Oh, okay.

Well, did you go and redeem your horsey cat prize?

I don't even know what it is.

I can't even find it on the Internet.

Oh, here, I'll tell you what, because I actually, that's why you were back on my list.

I have to call you back.

I forgot to give you the page to go and redeem it.

Are you ready?

It's a website.

Oh, it's a website?

Yeah, it's a horsey cat website, and you'll just have to put in the redemption code.

to get it for free, and then they'll mail it to you.

Because us at AT&T, we don't make the horsey cats.

We're just buying them and giving them away.

So do you have a computer in front of you?

Any kind of?

Yeah.

Okay.

Tell me when you're ready, and I'll go ahead and give you the address,

and then I'll tell you how to go ahead and put in the access code,

and then they'll send it to you.

So we'll be all set.

All right.

Are you all set?

You ready?

Yeah.

Okay.

It's horsey, H-O-R-S-E-Y, then cat, C-A-T, so it's all one word,

horseycat.com

Did the

website pop up?

No, I'm not on a computer. I use my phone.

Oh, well I was going to try to

walk you through the registering process

to make sure you were able to get it

correctly.

You don't have any other way to look it up real quick?

Or only your phone?

No, just my phone.

Well that's where you redeem it. If you have any questions

just go ahead and call AT&T.

My name is Ryan Tolkien and you're on

on the Black Friday giveaway price.

They'll know what you're talking about.

Okay, now check in, and is there some kind of a code that I've got to put in there?

Yeah, yeah.

Put in HORSEY32XXX.

32XXXX.

Correct.

H-O-R-S-E-Y32XXX.

Perfect.

And that's all I put in there?

Well, that, yeah, and then it'll probably just ask you for your bailing address,

and then they send you a HORSEY cat in the mail.

all right then thank you bye bye goddamn people this is funny when you don't get to go no okay

well fuck you all right he's talking about he googled it and shit but he's not on air computer

pretty stupid okay i mean who didn't i call back then all right i'm gonna go ahead and make it

obvious how you fucking double that guy already gavin yeah that's who it was so gavin i'm yeah

because i called from apple i said i was from apple gavin has a yes gavin was gavin whatever

we're doing this shit live isn't that what we do we do it live horse k-o-k-1 i just want to do one

of these and we can move on to other weird shit all right i'm gonna give you the promo code you

are not authorized to call this number by your account holder you're my account holder you

asshole give me a permission my b this is your account give me permission uh no fuck that all

All right, so I've got to start bullying these fuckers so I know.

So it must be Anthony Carbone.

No, it was definitely an iPhone one.

Give me just a second.

I've got to scroll through here.

Josh Drake, that's who it was.

I'm so confident that's who it was every time, right?

What?

Thank you.

I'm calling Josh back.

I hope he fucking answers because I'm running out of these numbers where I know providers for things.

That's okay.

I can give it away other ways.

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

So far, my show has been a lot of misses.

Fucking Christ.

I'm sick of this.

I'm just going to call. I don't care what number

I call. They're fucking

giving away from

Walmart. I don't know. Somebody must

register your Walmart, motherfucker.

I'm just going to have to ask you to

shut that fucking kid up.

It's not going to happen, but I can try to adjust

my... I'm going to turn my mic down a little bit.

Can you still hear me good? Can you still

hear me now?

Weird guys. Where'd Jihad go?

I can't hear him.

I know.

Come on, Baz.

Were you guys with me the first time I said that?

You guys are assholes.

All I was trying to do was turn it down so you could still hear me

because it's kind of like a distance thing

where if I go too low,

then you can't even hear me, but whatever.

I ruined it.

Yeah, you son of a bitch.

That's okay.

Son of a bitch.

I'm going to get somebody to go to this fucking horsey.com.

Baz needs beaten.

I need a bit beat down.

Oh, buddy, it's fine.

Come here.

and smack him

come here

hello

you have reached

Adam Thomas

owner of the

Balanced Canine

please leave me

your name

your telephone

I don't know

what a Balanced Canine

is but whatever

alright we're just

going to keep

calling these

motherfuckers

this person's in

Arizona so at least

it's not so late

here it's 8 o'clock

so I guess that's

a little bit weird

but I've called

people much later

I'm going to get

one of these in

and then I'm going

to go hate myself

based on too much time

you don't have to

be in that world

now call them

from the dead

hello

what do you think

of that feature

okay now I'm

just getting angry

and when I get

get angry the show goes downhill quickly and then i start drinking and i start start hitting family

members uh yeah ken's already drunk he just never sobers up oh shit motherfucker i call it a 9-1-1

hello hey i'm looking for mark yeah hi mark uh this is ryan token i'm calling from walmart you

were registered in a contest to win some uh free horsey cats and your name was picked you're one

One of the winners.

One what?

Horsey Cats.

It's a children's toy, a really in high demand children's toy that's on the market today.

There's actually quite a shortage of them right now.

So they go for quite a bit on eBay right now.

But you won two.

You won two Horsey Cats.

So if you've got a minute, I just need you to go to the Horsey Cat website.

I can give that to you.

you can put it in the access code, and then they'll basically send you two horsey cats.

Unfortunately, I'm at work right now, and I don't have access to a computer.

Ah, that's no good.

Okay, well, what I'll do is I'll go ahead and just give you the website and the access code,

and it should be pretty easy.

They like us to walk people through it, but if you've got a second to go ahead and write down the website,

then we'll be all set.

Yeah, that's not going to work.

Like I said, it might work.

oh you can't even write it down okay i'm in a big warehouse ah okay amazon warehouse so i don't

have any place to be doing any of that stuff okay well we'll have to give it away to somebody else

all right sounds good you lost out sorry sucks you motherfucker yeah you mark asshole who works

on fucking the good black friday anyways he said he was calling from the amazon warehouse i know

they must have some horsey cats there i want to ask him why my order hasn't shipped and i

just made two minutes ago where the fuck is it oh let's see this it'll be there by the 11th

bullshit just won't do yeah real he's somebody this person this person's in hawaii and he seemed

pretty dumb he called and he it was uh he was like oh yeah but my favorite show and he talks

Looks like, really, like, almost like he's an actor.

I almost don't believe it's a real person.

And his favorite show was Terra Nova.

Terra Nova was a late 2000s call.

Yeah, because that's still relevant.

Yeah, and the show was canceled after the first season.

The cliffhanger was amazing, and they canceled it, though.

I liked it.

They're the only people in that time zone ever, and there's ancient artifacts.

What the fuck?

It was a great cliffhanger.

All right, then you've got a mission in life.

If you've got to be the guy who grows up and finishes the Terranova story.

Yes, I'll do it.

All right.

Featuring Horseycat.

You know, it turns out that the artifact was put there by Horseycat.

Or it was an ancient Horseycat.

Sloth, I wish you could read this next conversation.

I think you'd LOL.

Eric, it's kind of loud there.

It sounds like you're in a wind tunnel.

Is there a hurricane?

hurricane actually um i'm trying to use this uh feature on the radio of the van that i'm driving

it's uh one of those bluetooth things you know oh okay and a hurricane sitting next to you in

the van i got you okay so anyways eric i am calling um i'm actually from uh i'm a representative

walmart your name was entered in a contest to win uh a pair of horsey cat kit toys are you

Are you familiar with Horsey Cat?

Not really.

Horsey Cat, it's a Japanese cartoon that's gotten really big in the United States,

and the toys have flown off the shelves.

There was actually a riot in Atlanta where, unfortunately,

three people were seriously hospitalized because of these Horsey Cats.

So they're in real high demand right now.

But anyways, you won a pair of them.

I won a pair of them?

Yes.

And people are running over each other for this?

Well, yeah, but you can always just throw them on eBay.

I mean, do you have children?

No, I don't have children.

Well, it's your choice.

I mean, they're yours.

You can either give them away, or if you wanted to, I mean, you could go ahead and just sell them on eBay.

I mean, right now I see Horsey Cat Tyrone.

Tyrone, he's the brown one.

Horseycat Tyrone is actually going for $1,600 right now.

Oh, wow.

So, I mean, that's the thing is we're giving these away because we, you know.

Wow, that really is in demand, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah.

So, anyway, so I won these.

You did.

Your name was entered.

Did you remember entering at a Walmart, entering your name in a Walmart drawing?

You could do it online or you could do it at a store.

Hey, Eric, your phone's cutting up.

I don't want you to not get these horsey cats.

It's cutting up, Eric.

I don't want you to lose your horsey cats.

Your phone's cutting up.

What's going on?

Yeah.

Are you on the east side of the volcano?

Eric, are you on the east side of the volcano?

Because if so, there's not good reception over there.

Eric, I have no clue what you're saying.

Eric?

Eric, are you okay?

It sounded like your car crashed.

Are you okay, Eric?

Eric?

Eric, are you okay?

Oh, God.

I lost the patient. I think he did wreck that fucking van.

He's all excited about his

horsey cats. He should be more excited

about getting something else other than that

goddamn coconut phone he has.

Alright, hold on. I'm going to call him back.

Jaya, if you're

giving away a pair, maybe the other one should be a

female horsey cat, Shaquanda.

It's got a vagina.

It's loose. It's the Lincoln Tunnel.

Is it better now?

Yeah, it sounds way better. It doesn't sound like you're in a wind tunnel

anymore.

more did you did is your is your were you on a coconut phone or what no it's uh so i have this

2013 uh dodge grand caravan okay so it's uh it's got this uconnect system where i can hook the phone

up by bluetooth and i'm actually hearing you through the speakers of the van ah okay oh good

well good i'm glad i'm glad that you must have shut that system off because i don't want you to

to not get these horsey cats because you're getting tyrone um and then you're getting

lashonda lashonda is the female uh black one and uh they're they're they're together i don't know

what they would sell together but tyrone's sixteen hundred dollars alone right now on ebay so i mean

you can give them away to kids or you can take advantage of the market right now well it's nice

that i want something that valuable yeah well originally we didn't think they would shoot up

this high in price you know we just figured oh you know they'll be like a tickle me almost maybe

Maybe somebody will get like 60 bucks for it, you know,

they go a little like three, four times retail, but no,

these things are, are insane. We're, we're,

we're so glad that we actually, we bought, uh,

we bought 200 of them for our giveaway.

And so we're so glad we did it because these are,

these things are selling for more than X boxes. So anyways, um, Oh, wow.

Yeah. I mean, if you got a minute, I can, if you got a minute and you got,

uh, do you have any kind of internet access?

I know you're in a vehicle right now.

Do you have any kind of Internet access at all?

Well, I do have Internet with the phone.

Okay, perfect.

Why don't I give you the email, or I'll give you the website,

because what we've got to do is we've got to go to the HorseyCat website,

and then you've got to put in the redemption code.

And then when you put in the redemption code, after that,

you just put in your address, and they ship them out.

You know what would really help me is if you could text that to me.

uh well actually i would um i actually have to walk you through the process and we're not allowed

to put the codes out um any way but verbally because of how valuable they are oh so do you

here's the thing i think i think with your fancy car you ought to be able to go back onto your

speakerphone or you know so you through the speakers and then have the phone in your hand

and go to the website you think that could work um yeah actually i i pulled into a service lane

so let me because because they get strict laws over here with cell phones to show um i get it i

cannot be driving you know so but anyway what i'm gonna do is uh i'll just skip the i have a pin

here somewhere one moment now i gotta walk you through it you know you understand that correct

that i gotta yes about how long will this take about oh three minutes tops i probably more like

a minute and a half three minutes of your phone slow i see

now here's the thing about these horsey cats too yes is it they because they come in male and

female they've actually uh there there's a time period where you can actually uh send in send in

um the you know like a picture that you got both of them so basically you know you find a unique

pose to put them in you know some kind of way where they stand together and it's obvious they're

together and then uh the company the horsey cat company um several months later you receive a

miniature horsey cat a baby that's kind of the promotion that's the promotion that they do so

it's really kind of cool in that sense where but you know you got to show that you have a pair

because this is a couple you know and then based on you know because if you got both of the both of

the uh both the black ones that you know then they send you you know the black baby but let's

say you you had denise denise is one of the white ones and you mixed her with tyrone then it'll

actually they'll actually send you a light brown one it's kind of it's kind of interesting kids

are really into it because they sit and they post their pictures online and then you know a couple

weeks to a couple months later they all of a sudden they get the these little babies in the

mail and then they post those pictures up you know and then it's it's it's like this really

interactive toy yeah this kind of reminds me of the what do you call that the cabbage patch

Catch Kids Craze in the 80s and the Pound Puppies, you know, when those things came out.

And they were, like, really popular, I remember.

Yeah, and Furbies.

And, yeah, these definitely have, they're definitely a lot like Pound Puppies

because they're definitely into pounding and stuff.

So are you all set?

Can I give you this website?

Well, yeah, but, you know, I think I'm going to have to pull off the freeway here

because, you know, when it's parking inside the freeway,

it's tracked with the uh service patrol people so do you guys have you guys have mounties or or uh

tribal chiefs uh we we get uh well we have these um service i guess highway patrol people um you

know they they see a car on the side they think something's wrong and then they'll pull over is

it is it true tell me if it's true or not because you're you're in hawaii from the looks of it yes

I have never been.

Tell me the truth.

Do they have coconut radios?

Coconut radios?

That's what a friend of mine told me.

Wow, that's the first time I've ever heard of that.

A friend of mine told me that the police there use coconut radios,

and I was like, that don't even make sense.

Wow, I mean, I've never heard of anything like that.

Sorry.

No, it's not a big deal.

My friend's just a racist, so that's probably where that came from.

them he's kind of korean though i have to say coconut radio that's original yeah i think he

stole it from gilligan's island the professor the professor made a coconut radio oh and then

gilligan screwed it all up then they all died on the island but it was okay because it turned out

they were already dead oh my yeah it was kind of like they were just kind of sitting there and

they were waiting to go on to the next world but they all had to realize at first it was

kind of confusing a little bit so okay i mean are you off the highway yet or you need just need a

minute i don't mind i can sit here and talk i i just um i'm off the highway so i'm i'm going up

this um i got a mountain so it's a little bit more i can find a parking and then i don't have

to worry about getting you know arrested or anything yeah yeah i hear you yeah yeah it's

just that we have this crazy uh cell phone law that just came into place and and um it just

just came into effect just recently so it's like a hundred you know 49 fine wow yeah i think it's a

lot because obviously that's what your car does then your cars allows you to be hands-free but i

think it's a lot more safer definitely to sit and have it sound like there's a hurricane flowing

around in your car and and whoever's talking on the other one that's a lot safer than driving

with one hand yeah god damn politicians they don't they never get it right yeah i gotta i gotta

invest in um a bluetooth headset that'd be a lot better yeah definitely it's a hundred dollars

thing but i keep putting it off i i i i actually uh live in michigan that's where that's where i

that's where my home is and uh and the here there's like no laws like people drive around

with their laptops out on their dashboards like the driver is driving and like doing doing texting

and homework and stuff oh wow yeah it's pretty different yeah it's it's pretty good it's pretty

unsafe i mean but then again you only have to be 12 to drive here too so it's a little

a little different than most states yeah texting is definitely um well that's one thing i and a

A lot of people like to do that these days.

You know, that's a popular thing to do.

Yeah.

Oh, definitely.

Definitely.

Texting and driving.

So, anyway, I'm almost close to finding a parking place.

Perfect.

Go find a Carl's Jr. and park there.

You can steal their Wi-Fi, and they'll never know.

Carl's Jr.?

Oh, yeah, we do have a Carl's Jr., actually.

Yeah, if you steal their Wi-Fi, they'll never know.

Maybe we're out of business.

I think there's a car, but that's in Kahala area.

All right, sounds like your clock is ticking.

Oh, that's my signal.

Ah, okay.

I'm going to make a left, right-hand turn.

Do you know Dog the Bounty Hunter?

Yes, I've heard of him.

No, do you know him?

Because I figured from Hawaii, everybody knows him.

Well, I know his TV show, and I've seen him before, but I don't know him personally.

He's a racist, unfortunately.

He comes off as a really nice guy, and he's like, hey, brah, you want to smoke, brah?

Believe in God, brah, and go with Christ and all that good stuff.

But then all of a sudden his son recorded him saying, you can't have a black girlfriend.

She's going to hear us say stuff.

So he's all TV, brah.

Hawaii is, hey, you know, that's a local word, brah.

You got it.

See, the thing is, there's a lot of, yeah, a lot of racism.

Well, Hawaii, I would say Hawaii is similar to Los Angeles.

You get all the different ethnic groups.

I'm sorry?

You guys got a lot of Mexicans?

Because that's pretty much Los Angeles.

Well, not so much.

Well, actually, we've been having a lot more Mexican or Spanish people coming in.

But the thing is, we have a lot of different ethnicities, you know, in Hawaii.

And they all sort of clash together.

But then at the same time, they are segregated.

Like, they kind of stick to their own groups.

So we kind of have that happening a lot.

But if you go to the workplace, like in a work environment, of course, everyone has to work together, you know, from different backgrounds and stuff.

But pretty much people still like to stick with their own kind in Hawaii as well.

Unfortunately, when it comes to what I know about Hawaii, all I know is from Dog to Body Hunter, and it seems like everybody's a meth head.

Everybody's smoking ice.

Yeah, well, the younger people are kind of messed up.

That's how it is with the young ones, though.

Yeah.

Hawaii is definitely a place for retirees and hobos.

That's the way I see it.

Yeah, yeah.

A lot of hobos in Michigan, too.

That's because every pop can you can take back and get money,

even though it's really cold in Michigan.

But there was a law passed that allows hobos to carry around mining tools,

so like pickaxes and stuff like that.

And they actually sit and dig up their own supplies.

flies like if they don't have a house they'll just like dig into the ground and then they'll

take they'll take the the blocks out of the ground and build little shacks to live in whoa wow so is

that where you're from michigan yeah that's right yeah i told you that earlier i said that's where

oh that's where i live and so and so they sit and they dig up in blocks and you know you can't

nobody passes laws against it because i mean you got to keep the the elder men so you know the

the Endermans, if you don't keep them out, you know,

nighttime comes, too many dead hobos, you know.

So they allow them to do it as long as they don't dig up other people's blocks.

I see.

Yeah.

Oh, interesting.

Yeah.

Michigan's a different type of state altogether.

I mean, like I said, you only got to be 12 to drive.

The drinking age is 14.

I mean, it's just a different place.

Okay.

If you're all set, you got Internet access yet?

Sounds like you might have pulled over.

exactly um oh let's see okay yes so what was the what was the website okay um if you're all set um

it is horsey like h-o-r-s-e-y cat c-a-t so it's all one word horseycat.com okay horseycat.com

let me know when uh when it pops up is it popped up yet um almost there okay perfect a little slow

Okay, I went to the site.

It said because of the recent demand, we are undergoing maintenance.

We will soon be back with a new computer website machine.

Uh-oh, uh-oh.

Anything else?

That wasn't getting shown.

All I know is that obviously it must have been very popular.

Oh, it's hugely popular.

But do you see any kind of forms or anything like that?

Anything?

Is it pictures, anything?

anything i just see a horsey cat with a really big fifth leg and uh it seems to be um sorry

i think i'm not gonna repeat that backslash spin backslash spin on the website thank you

oh my tech guy my tech guy just let me know okay um if you put right after dot com if you put

backslash okay so this page is having problems backslash and then the word spin s-p-i-n

end that'll take you to the form i guess it went right past it i don't know what's going on with

that the cover page this is just basically a shortcut okay so i see um if you're under the

age of 18 or find a set offensive please leave now you have sacked through 22 spins and it's

increasing in numbers and there's a horse that horse head that's rotating okay interesting i

think that's the right page do you have any volume i'll know if i can hear it uh the volume is as

loud as it is going right now do you hear anything um but it says you're now officially a horse cat

fan i see a um there's no volume though no no the volume on your phone the volume on your phone

maybe maybe because you're on with b because if it if it's the right page you can hear a song

oh

Oh, I don't seem to hear a song at the moment.

No, I don't hear any sound from this.

But I do see a spinning horse head that's spinning around.

Okay.

What's your count up to?

130 spin.

Okay.

When it hits 500, a formal pop-up.

Oh, so you know what I'm wondering is this is a very interesting site,

so we've got to wait until it reaches 500.

I've never seen anything like that before.

Yeah, it's really interesting marketing.

Just like I said, it's really interactive.

Actually, if you actually had a Tyrese and a Turnell horse, both of them are males.

If you take a picture with them together and then use that,

basically you insert it into that picture, then you can bypass this stuff.

But with this one, it's very interactive.

How many spins do you have?

215 spins.

Okay, we're getting there, aren't we?

Okay, so you ever been to Nevada?

Yes, a long time ago.

How about Salt Lake City?

You ever go hang out with the Mormons?

No, I never went there.

I've heard about the Mormons coming from there, but we went to Las Vegas, actually.

City of Sin.

You get some action cheap there, real cheap.

yeah that's for sure that's for sure so you into hookers oh you ever come to michigan i know some

that's why i'm asking i've never got the chance because i was with you know my family and i

couldn't really do anything so okay okay i got you i got you you ever come to michigan

you ever come to michigan yeah go ahead and look me up i'm ryan token i can uh i know some hookers

Dirt cheap, ugly as sin, fat and smelly.

Boy, they can blow with the best of them, though.

Hey, Ryan, has this guy gotten any blow?

Yeah, you get any good connects?

I can't say that I have, actually.

We're usually looking for good blow connects, so if you know where to get any, we're always open.

So how many spins you up to?

We have, let's see what we have here, about 340 now.

Okay, 340, we're almost there.

Perfect.

I haven't done any cocaine off a hooker's ass in about a week.

I'm going through a draw.

Yeah, I hear you.

So, if you know what I'm asking, why do they usually have us wait for 500 seconds?

Marketing.

Yeah, don't ask me how those guys work.

All I mean, I'm in promotions.

They're in marketing.

those guys it to be honest the guy the guy who actually is behind horsey spin you know because

i i work for walmart promotions the guy who's behind the horsey spin um turns out uh two things

two things we learned about him since uh horsey spins got popular one he's a kid diddler uh busted

going to uh going to taiwan um i'm not sure what age he was after but nonetheless uh he was busted

uh two mescaline boy guy i guess i guess the guy actually uh harvests his own mescaline

and does it like crazy so you know if this thing this thing's hitting you know what i think i know

i know what we got to do to go ahead and get past this because for some damn reason i'm receiving

i'm receiving complaints that uh okay yep yep there's other people complaining so okay so

So, basically, it's going to hit 500 and not go there.

But there's a code we can type into the top, and it'll take you to the form, and this will be it.

You all set?

I can tell you what to type in the top.

It's just a numeratic code.

If you type it right into your address bar, and it'll bypass this.

So, yeah, basically, there's a way to bypass all this.

But the guy really wants you to, you know, like horsey cat, so he makes people watch it.

I don't know.

Some people are weird.

So, if you're all set, I can give you the numeratic code.

Well, the thing is we're past 500 now.

No, that's what I was telling you.

I'm reading on our complaint board from other people, other phone servers,

that it's going to 500 and not stopping.

So I can give you this numeratic code.

You put it into your bar, and it will bypass and take us right to the form.

Then you take the same numeratic number I'm going to give you.

You take the last three digits, and that's your promotional code.

So you put that in the promotional code box, and you're all set.

So if you're all set, I give you this code, and you go ahead and you put it right in your address bar,

and it'll take us to the actual form according to the help menu here.

Okay, the address bar, I see.

Okay, so I'm ready for the code, and I enter that in the URL bar?

Yes, sir.

Yep, it's Dr. Mr. Tolkien.

Yes, sir.

Yes, I'm sorry to interrupt.

This is David Snozwell in tech support, and we are having a problem with the spins right now,

so please direct him to the numeric address.

Yep, thank you.

I was in the process.

I read your posting.

Thank you, David.

Okay, if you're all set, write down the address, Dar.

Do 1-9-8.

Tell me 1-9-8.

Yep, then dot.

Dot.

1-4-3, then another dot.

Dot.

Then a 1-5-7, then another dot.

Another dot.

And then 1-1-5.

Could you read that back to me just so I know we got it right?

198.143.157.115.

Perfect.

Go ahead and hit enter.

Tell me when the form pops up.

We'll go from there.

And this I enter after all the URL or I enter that as the only URL?

As the only.

It's a backdoor page for the programmers.

I see.

Interesting.

Wow.

Hmm.

Did it load up?

Let's see.

more blog-collapsed

ass song. I'm swinging

belly. What the heck?

Alright, I see an interesting

site. It has a little

Lego icon

with a question mark.

I think you're getting an error.

Okay.

There's no animated

gifs or anything?

No, it just says

on the bottom there's

random pics of porn

and then you have

these... Random pics of porn?

Yes, random pics of porn.

And then there's these

they're changing, circulating

different images, going through different images

or cycling, I should say.

And then you have these words

with links.

They're actually links

to, I guess, other sites.

Once is more, once is blog,

once is prolapsed.

You could

You could click around those for a while if you wanted, but it sounds like you're missing a plug-in.

You're missing a flash plug-in.

So I would recommend, do you have a computer at home?

Maybe it's just your phone.

I just have a phone on me right now.

Yeah, but at home, do you have a computer?

I do have an office computer.

Okay, perfect.

perfect when uh use that same backdoor address i gave you and type it in to that computer and

that'll bring up your form i mean obviously i won't be there but if you take those last

after after you go to that website there will be a promotional code right and then you just take

the last bit of that which is the uh the 115 that's your promotional code number you put that

in promotional code you'll probably have to click on the tip you'll get it you'll know what i mean

when you're at the page because it sounds like the animated GIF isn't working.

But if you click on the tip, the form pops up,

and you just got to put in the promotional code and your address,

and you'll receive two of these in the mail.

Oh, okay.

So what do you do?

Is there a way to, do you have a, you know, when you call me,

I noticed my phone didn't log down the number,

so I don't have a way to get back with you.

Do you have an email address or a phone number,

another way that I could contact you just in case I run into any kind of issues?

Yeah.

Yeah, J-I-A-D, it's J-I-A-D, and then you got a pen or anything?

It's a little bit of a longer email address.

J-I-A-D.

It's the one I use for pit fighting.

This is an alias I use for pit fighting and dog gambling.

Oh, interesting.

So it's J-I-H-A-D?

No, not Jihad, not that, J-I-A-D.

J-I-A-D, St. Clair, S-T-C-L-A-I-R-E, the number one, and that's at yahoo.com.

Now, whenever somebody emails me, typically there's an automatic email that goes back out to them with the secret addresses and the schedules for the underground pit fighting and dog fights.

And what I mean by that, it's people fight packs of dogs.

that's it's because dog fighting is illegal to make dogs fight each other but in michigan you

can actually fight a dog and so we we got uh basically they're you know trained martial

artists who fight packs of dogs so you'll get us you'll get a schedule for that just ignore it

unless you're interested in coming to watch it just ignore it's just an auto thing when people

email me so if you got questions go ahead and email me and uh and we can you know once you're

at home near a computer we can figure this out together if need be all right uh all right then

well um well thanks anyway for your assistance and thanks for the news yeah yeah i hope you uh

don't have any problem getting these toys and i hope you enjoy them or sell them or whatever and

don't forget uh when you get to that form once the animated just going click on the tip once you

click on the tip the access the access box pops open put it in 115 then it'll just want your

address and boom you should probably three to four mailing days and you'll be all set great

Great. Sounds wonderful.

And if you ever come to Michigan, don't forget, hookers on me.

They're not the best looking, but you sound like a pretty stand-up guy.

I mean, like I said, they smell bad, and they can suck like crazy.

So hookers on me, and I'll take you to one of these human dog fights,

see if you're into it or not.

Well, hopefully I'll find something equivalent for you

if you ever come to this corner of the world.

Perfect, perfect.

If you got a couple of coconut heads that wouldn't mind bashing each other

with two by fours i would love to watch that so okay all right you have yourself a good night

yes you do the same take care of her bye suck my dick

motherfucker hey suck my dick spaniel right in the fucking mouth hey suck my penis

uh you suck on my dick so why do you guys keep saying names to them

wow that was a long strange call let's call some dumb bitches that want to be part of the

the Giant International Casting Agency machine.

Okay.

I might want to make one more call before we do that, which is to...

Hi, Baz.

This Walmart had a fistfight at it earlier.

We love you, Baz.

We love you.

Kind of.

Taking off, Baz?

Yeah, got to run, Chad.

Live long and wish you a cat.

Yep, thanks a lot.

Have fun, guys.

Yep.

That was a very strange call.

That guy was different, was he?

It was just like, dude, you couldn't face him.

At first, I thought he was going to be really buttoned up and straight-laced,

and he was like, well, I was with my family.

so I don't know if I had time to go sleep with hookers.

I was like, what?

Was there a purpose to that last call?

Because I totally forgot.

I was trying to get them to go to, well, I got them to go to that website.

There was a purpose, and we succeeded.

Yeah.

It was weird.

He didn't say he loves Horsey Cat, though.

Damn it.

All right.

I'm going to dedicate the next Psycho Show to Horsey Cat.

Thank you for calling Walmart.

Welcome to Walmart.

I'm going to dedicate your call.

Well, I actually lost something in the store earlier.

um i was in there and i started that fist fight you know where everybody was pushing and shoving

and uh and i actually dropped my wallet um did you guys happen to find a wallet i mean i i don't

think i got pickpocketed but maybe i was it could have fell out because i threw my coat on the ground

and i just started throwing haymakers so okay did you guys just a second okay thank you spin me

round baby round round like a record baby round round round round i'll never be able to hear that

song and not think of that website right and horsey had to spin in his hilarious yeah i'm

gonna write the theme song and sing it for the horsey perfect accordion okay if you'll give me

just a second i'm gonna send you uh or transfer you to the service desk and see it back down

that's perfect thank you so can walmart customer service talk to me uh hi how's it going i was in

there earlier i was i kind of provoked that fight that happened uh and i got you know i'm sorry what

was that okay can you repeat that sir i'm sorry yeah i was in there and i i was the one who like

provoked that fight earlier and i basically i just started throwing haymakers and i ripped my

coat off and i and i kicked some lady in the stomach and uh and i i dropped my wallet so i

was kind of curious if my wallet turned up anywhere you know maybe you know maybe when i

hit that old man? What was the name

in the wallet? Uh, Ryan Token?

Is it what it would be?

Okay. Give me just a second.

Alright, perfect. Guy was looking at me

funny, wanted my TV. I said,

you're already having my TV, I said.

Old lady thought she could

break it up. Yeah, she ain't breaking up

nothing. Stepped on her feet

and threw an elbow. She didn't even see that

coming. Drinking heavily before I go

Black Friday, it's great.

At this point, they

at this point they uh probably are trying to put the whole thing together and can't believe that

i would call it and say that i was the guy bastards pretty much lux we all agree this is a

bad idea what yeah man this is all i think i speak for sloth and i when i say this is a really bad

idea no listen i think i speak for everyone else it's all this is walking the line buddy

i don't know it's a lie man you can't end it now it's a shoving fight

You should see the video.

It's a shoving fight, and then the guy jumped on a TV.

Maybe you mentioned that you pulled a switchblade out.

I'm going to say I threw it out.

Yes.

It's not in the cash office, and that's where we would store it.

Okay, so it's not in there.

Is there any way I could get a copy of the tape?

Because I really, really want to show my friends when I jumped up and I was like,

hurry, kick, and I started spinning around doing these kicks,

and I, like, I floated, like,

eight feet, spitting my feet

around. I knocked out

at least six, seven people.

Relax, you're supposed to let him talk, man.

Jesus.

I wonder how long you'd have kept talking.

Probably for a while, because I wasn't looking at the screen.

Yeah.

That's a bad idea. There was a brawl that happened

and I'm lying, saying I did it.

Oh, this is radical.

I disagree.

I'm not threatening anybody. I'm making up

a bullshit story.

Yeah, but it involves law enforcement.

That's where the issue comes in.

Oh, okay.

I'm pretty sure they already know what actually happened because it's all on tape.

Yeah.

It's like what Slaw says.

They might just be looking for the guy.

And, you know, hey, this guy called in with his number.

That's what I thought she was doing is being like, this guy says his name is Ryan Token,

and he's kicked some lady in the stomach.

Yeah.

Even though that fight was like, the Mexicans actually sat and fist fought each other.

This fight was like nothing.

It was like a bunch of people shoving each other.

It's mildly funny, but at the same time, it kind of walks a thin line.

Okay.

I won't claim that.

They're easy to fall off.

Because, I mean, the guy you're claiming to be could have actually, like, shot up the store afterwards and stabbed that guy or some shit.

You don't know.

He did that.

A lot like that.

I've seen the news story.

Gia, I sent you the numbers over in the private messages.

Ah, okay, gotcha.

All right.

The one they call JoJo is going to get Ice Goose all pissed off.

That's his point.

I'm not drunk enough to approve.

Okay.

All right.

Next call.

We've got an hour and 15 minutes.

Oh, matter of fact, hold on before we move on.

It's 8.30, so it's Prank of the Week time.

That's past 8.30, but Prank of the Week.

I got one.

This one was given to me by Band from the chat room.

Thank you, Band.

I believe the date is correct.

So this one's hilarious.

You guys are going to love this one.

Yep, 11.28.

All lanes of Interstate 15 at Myrara Way were reopened Thursday after they were shut down due to a hoax.

The incident occurred at 3.15 p.m.

According to authorities, a woman driving on I-15 received a call from an anonymous person who told her there was a bomb in her car.

the woman had no idea who who made the call or where the call came from pulled over and

immediately called 9-1-1 both northbound and southbound i-15 at marara way were shut down

while authorities including the bomb squad investigated about an hour later the woman

received another call and and this time the caller identified himself as her brother the brother had

called her and made the hoax phone call and officials said authorities determined the call

was a prank and arrested the woman's brother well it's very unfortunate people who are not thinking

when they make these jokes the official said brothers say hold on obviously there was uh

thousands and thousands of people that were stuck in traffic for over an hour based on this hoax so

i would hope that we take that very serious and that's why we arrested the brother of the victim

him authorities say the man will face felony uh face felony charges of making false threats

what was what was he saying he told her that there's a bomb in her car oh

he called up his sister and said there's a bomb in your car yeah i don't see the problem with that

that's pretty funny that's so stupid i i by his by his end you know what i mean first of all i

I probably wouldn't call my family members and tell them there's a bomb in their car.

That's just stupid.

So there we are.

You can actually call it the idiot and the prank of the week.

It's kind of mixed into both.

Apparently not.

She said she didn't know who it was, so she immediately pulled over and called police.

Wow.

So brother.

When I heard it was her brother, I figured he's like, yo, LOL, I put a bomb in your car.

Talk to you at dinner.

Apparently that's not the case.

No, stupid fucking people.

That's all I can say.

Stupid people.

So there's our prank.

Darwinism.

Yeah.

So remember, guys, no bomb threat calls.

Wait, we already know that.

Yeah.

Fucking dummies.

Hey, Jaiad.

Yes, sir.

There's a bomb in your headset.

That's what DS says.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, we probably don't want to go down there.

Oh, shit.

Oh, I can't kick Lux from the call.

We probably don't want to go down those roads of saying things like that.

Oh, I was kicked by Tabachi.

Yeah, a while ago.

Tried not to get law enforcement involved.

Okay, so I guess I was over the line.

Okay, I'll have to go add myself again.

So, okay, you guys, which one of these do you want me to call for you?

Because I'm going to go ahead and take a voice break, get a drink.

What?

Which one of these numbers do you want me to call, and who wants to call?

Your mom.

I'll call your mom.

That's not nice.

My mom's been dead for, like, eight years.

I'm just kidding.

She isn't dead, but I haven't seen her in eight years because she's kind of a bitch.

You feel small for about a half a second, didn't I?

I kind of feel like a dick a little bit.

That's not a big deal.

I don't take offense to my mom.

You're a way bigger dick, though, for making a death mom joke

when you don't have a dead mom, though.

So Ice Goose still wins.

How did I make a death bomb joke?

No, dead mom joke.

Oh, dead mom joke.

I thought you said death bomb.

I was like, what?

Yeah.

So who wants to make a call to one of these?

What are they?

Okay, so let me get this straight.

You guys placed an ad for people who wanted to be in, like, porno?

Is that right, Ken?

Ken, are you there?

Ken's thinking of shit.

Oh, okay.

Okay, but that's the gist of it, right?

All right, call the last one, the one that's really fat.

I'll call the damn Hawaiian one.

Okay.

I won't fucking ruin that one for me.

So this 40-plus-year-old, she's like age 40-plus.

The one who says she weighs 185 pounds.

I need to speak to that woman.

Okay, all right.

I'll be back in a minute.

I'll see if she answers first.

Motherfucker.

Thank you for calling Cressy Brown Photography.

I'm not available to answer your call right now,

so please leave a brief message or feel free to text me.

Thank you.

Bitch.

Oh, shit.

Shut up, love.

Hey, you motherfucker.

Which one was that?

Uh, we tried calling the fat one.

Oh, the one that claimed she was 180, but she looked more like fucking four bills?

Yeah.

Did you post a picture for everyone to see?

Mm, fuck no, dude.

I deleted all that shit.

Mm, let me go ahead and put it out there.

I love how you still have them, though.

It's bad.

I posted links for everyone

after the show.

It's bad.

I had my mic muted.

Sorry, guys. I was talking to myself.

Ken, you want one of these? I'm going to get a drink.

Alright, guys.

She said she's 180.

Yeah.

It's that picture below it?

There's no goddamn way that's 180.

You could fit.

If she's 3'2".

See, I'm 2'5",

and that's like three of me.

me so you're what what do you weigh two five two five is that 250 yeah no it's 205 jesus dude how

tall are you uh seven nine seven nine how tall are you five six god damn kid you gotta lose some

weight yo i am i'm actually i'm working out good good i don't want to be fat well no man that

shit's unhealthy like that is really fucked up though i'm just gonna be honest with you man

Listen to Ice Juice, though.

He knows. He knows what he's talking about.

For real. Dude, don't

fucking do that. Your body goes

into survival mode, and then

it eats its own muscle. It doesn't eat

fat. It eats muscle.

Just tell me a way that works.

I'm going to send you a link for a bunch of CrossFit

gyms, and then you go there.

I have a gym. Go to a CrossFit gym.

They're a lot better. Burns more fucking calories.

Mine has a pool and a jacuzzi.

And a snack bar.

I was excited.

they have some mcdonalds on the inside

i just put one in the skype chat

nah

like don't drink soda

take out pie

like don't eat cake and shit

i don't

i don't eat sugar and chocolate

let ice goose talk to this one

i just put in the skype chat

that's his woman he's protective of

oh is that the one that said

oh yeah bro

ah shit

I can pull that chick too though

Are you going to prank her or hit on her?

If you're going to hit on her

I'm going to try

Don't call that one

I'm going to try to get her to fucking Skype with me

Do a little of both

Alright then give me one and then who wants to do it?

I gotta get some water

I've been talking for like two hours

You want a black or white chick?

Whoever's doing it

Do the ugly ass black one

Yeah

Yeah, um, guys, at some point, I should be, like, the other actor in the movie, and I'm, like, a 12-year-old kid.

Tell her you're gonna shoot it in, uh...

Yeah, Doc.

You're gonna shoot it in Thailand, where it's legal.

Hey, Doc, do you have a Dropbox? I'll send you the, I'll send you the fucking porno she sent, dude.

That shit, oh, no, man.

It's not very good, but, bloody hell, she's, she's still fucking sent a porno.

The guy, that guy had a third leg, too.

Ah, Jesus.

That was funny when that Eric guy said that to me.

And what I'm seeing is

a fifth leg.

What do you mean?

I'm not going to say that again.

Doc said one up.

There you go.

Excuse me. Call that one.

The Jessica one?

Jessica.

I'm going to make sure she answers

and then I'm going to get a drink.

She looks like she has a fucking horse face.

This would have been good for her.

Don't tell her about a cat, a horsey cat.

Yeah, that could be the name of the porno.

Yes, perfect.

Oh, this is fucked, but I'll do it.

Oh.

Jesus.

Okay, I give up on that one.

I bet she's got an Obama phone.

Throw up another one.

She's a black.

I told all these bitches to fucking be ready today.

You know, Doc, you're really going to appreciate me.

You're going to like that shit.

Like it.

Fuck yeah.

Everybody set up

a goddamn Dropbox.

I'll send you it.

Damn right, man.

Okay, this is Caitlyn.

Alright, you ready?

You ready there, Juice?

Give me a sec.

He's gonna pull the picture up.

Yeah, I gotta...

Oh, no!

Alright, alright. I got this.

Oh, fuck.

Alright, alright, alright.

Alright.

That was his freaking answer, so I should get a drink.

Sprays in the chat worried about how much eyeliner they're wearing.

Better than I do.

What the fuck?

You wear eyeliner?

Does Spray wear eyeliner?

Hi, I'm calling from the GI Talent Agency.

Is this Caitlin?

Oh, Caitlin, can you speak up a little bit?

I can't hear you very well.

Yeah, I have really terrible service at my house.

I apologize.

Oh, is it the Obama phone?

It might as well be.

No, I live out by the prism.

on the west side of Lancaster.

Oh.

Are you a prison guard there?

Look a little husky. I'm sorry?

Are you a prison guard there?

No? Hello?

Oh, no!

Wow. Way to go. You didn't even let

fucking GI get his water in, come back.

Oh, my God.

Call that bitch back.

Is that like an insult?

All the people in the chat

want your woman's fuck video now.

Oh, damn it.

couldn't help

insult this girl.

She said she lived by the prison.

Fucking ice goose fires off.

Oh, yeah? Are you a guard there? You look kind of husky.

Okay, throw up another one

and you can insult another girl so I go piss this time.

He wants you to call her back.

Oh, okay.

Nobody hangs up on John Holliman.

That's kind of one of those urban legends.

Pretty much everybody eventually hangs up on Jen Holliman.

I couldn't even remember Gia's alias, so I used fucking ice gooses for the ads.

Okay, I'm going to piss, so she doesn't answer then.

Fuck Brian Token, it's all about Holliman.

Yay, we can do another sound clip I want.

Hello?

Hi, Caitlin, we somehow got disconnected.

I know, I'm sorry, I just tried calling you back, but you don't want me.

Oh, yeah, weird.

Okay, so tell me a little bit about yourself.

Sorry, who is this?

This is John Holland, and I'm calling from the GI Talent Agency.

You responded to a Craigslist ad not too long ago about joining the film industry.

What do you want to know?

Oh, just, you know, tell me your story.

Tell me about yourself.

What makes you want to be in this industry?

Oh, man.

Weird.

Like everything.

I'm 24.

Okay.

You know, unusual.

Are you into, like, are you that type of vampire girl?

You like getting bit?

I'm sorry.

Do you have my phone number?

Do you want my house phone number?

Yeah, that'd be great.

uh just give me a second um okay yep what is it all right all right yeah all right post it i didn't

get the number but i heard you're getting a number i need you to call us that uh 601 number oh i see

giant st claire and i always get confused that we switch our fucking names i didn't put that there

yep all right there you go that's true it's not me hello hi caitlin hi okay now that i can hear

are you i'm so sorry can you tell me one more time where you're calling from i'm calling from

the talent agency yeah about uh joining the porn industry i must have signed up for the wrong thing

i don't i don't know if i want to be in a porn oh you look like you could definitely be one of

our girls you know you are you are very pretty i don't know how much does it pay well it depends

on on how good you are in the sack uh you know can i just ask you a couple questions and i could

roughly tell you you know it'll probably be about two grand each go for it go ahead all right it's

you know for for one 30 minute film i don't know if you could take 30 minutes of cock but i don't

know maybe okay uh it's about two thousand dollars for a 30 minutes and we give you a thousand dollar

signing bonus and that's just for one film oh that's hard i do remember all right uh yeah i

I just, you know, I got to ask you some basic questions.

All right, go ahead.

All right, so, well, first off, I just want you to tell me a little bit about yourself.

I'm a Cowboys fan.

Oh, God, sorry.

I figured you'd still tell me you're a terrible Raiders fan.

No, no, I'm a, you know, I'm a Giants fan.

What?

Oh, I don't know.

I think I got to rethink everything.

Oh, well, you'll rethink it because I have a horse cock, so.

Oh, wow, okay.

Yeah, you'll be thinking that over again, huh?

Yeah.

Anyways, tell me a little bit more about yourself.

You know, I mean, there's a lot of elements to me.

I don't know which one to know.

Well, you know, let's start peeling back the onion.

Okay.

All right.

So, you know, what's the biggest cock you've taken?

Oh, man.

You know what?

I live in a city where there aren't too many hung guys out here.

So probably the most, like, eight in total.

Eight?

Yeah, I know.

Isn't that a joke?

that yeah that's a joke we'll have people that easy 12 oh yeah see there you go i mean i've

been offered bigger but you know you've been offered bigger but the timing the timing isn't

always right yeah it was probably when you're on your your female time huh your period bleeding

out of the vagina yeah yeah sorry we're you know we're very descriptive here we're just we're kind

of jokers you know yeah i know i can tell i like you what's your name oh my name is john holloman

yeah definitely i like my name okay sorry we're filming something in the background i don't know

if you can you can hear it um are you gonna tell me about you or what well what do you need to know

about me all right hold on we got you know i actually need to fit myself okay so just tell

Tell me a little bit more about yourself.

How big are you?

I'm like my fishmint.

My fishmint.

I'm not, I'm not.

You want me to send you a picture?

Of your titties?

Of everything.

Yes.

Yeah, sure.

All right.

Can you email address?

Can we email it to you?

Yeah.

Just email it.

Email it to me.

All right.

So after you get the picture, call me back on my cell phone because I'll be out in town

later.

Oh, okay.

Sweet.

Can you email it to icegoobus1 at yahoo.com?

At yahoo.com?

Yeah.

Yeah, icegoose1

at yahoo.com.

Alright, yeah,

it may be next week. I don't know.

We're really busy.

Whatever, dude. I get it. It's cool.

Alright, cool. Alright, honey baby.

Alright, bye.

Okay, so...

Instead of doing pranks, Ice Goose

is trying to get fucking laid.

There's going to be a new show called

Ice Goose Lies to Women About Being

in a Porn Industry Get Laid Show.

It's the best way to get laid

ever, though.

You know, it's kind of funny

that, you know...

Oh, shit.

I describe scenes from Street Fighter, and suddenly

I get kicked out of the room, and you're

using airtime to light up

doors to be in the porn industry,

and it's okay.

I'll see you during airtime.

What the fuck?

Alright.

Those kind of calls can be

fun, but I think I have...

I hope you get a picture from that. I hope she actually sends it.

I need a Walmart

It'd be great to go on Facebook for this show though

We may

I don't know if I want to call her back though

I don't know

Sloth

No I'm a fighter

I can fucking pitch

I have a quick temper

Yeah I'm fucking right

You guys are goddamn goofballs

Yeah for sure

Oh yeah Eden

I have her number still too

All right.

You ready to do a call with me, Lux?

Yeah.

Okay.

You'll know what I'm doing when I get here.

Oh, yeah, probably.

It won't take you long to catch on.

And send me your email.

I'm going to forward that to you.

All right, guys.

Thank you for calling Walmart.

Thank you for calling Eastport Plaza Walmart.

How may I direct your call?

Yeah, I have a concern.

I'm not sure who I need to talk to, but it turns out that when I was there earlier,

my son was shoplifting and i i need to inform somebody and we're going to bring this stuff

back but i want to talk to somebody and make him apologize okay okay um one second let me get um

a hold of a manager real quick perfect it ain't gonna take too long will it i don't believe so

i'll walk you them instead of trying perfect perfect i mean this kid this kid he's ma'am are

horsey cats that that stuffed animal that all those kids are into he actually stole a set of

them it's huge i can't believe i didn't notice when we're going back to the car i i don't know

how exactly he was so good at hiding it in his clothing so yeah it's i just we're gonna bring

it back uh he's very young he's only seven so i don't know if he just didn't know better you know

i mean or if he really wanted it but i just want him to apologize and then we'll bring this stuff

back of course i understand okay all right well let me get up get a hold of someone for you and

i'll have them answer your call as soon as possible okay okay where how i i want to talk

to somebody pretty quick though i don't want to be on hold yeah yeah i'm gonna um i'm gonna have

to put you on hold just for a second well hold on one second okay or i'm a criminal calls

oh jesus christ yeah i think we just went over this no this is my kid my kid stole something

i i don't know man i think we went over this not too long ago do you want me to take a different

here i'm gonna hang up on you yeah tell hello yeah one yeah one second and we're gonna get

you a hold of them right now okay okay okay i'm gonna i'm gonna call a different one i wasn't

paying attention what happened i just said that my kid his shop lifted and i wanted him to

why are you on about fucking like cops what is your deal that isn't gonna get cops no like you

keep calling places and confessing to crimes you didn't commit why do you keep doing that

i don't know

he goes yeah so my kids shoplift i was like god damn it yeah

all right i'll take it with a different angle like it's funny but it's not my kid ain't out

What I'll do is I'll say my kid.

A different anal? Is that what you said?

What's that?

A different anal?

Angle.

Oh, okay.

So basically, I think I'll say, I'll say, I got it.

I know what I'm going to do.

This time, guys, he's going to admit to selling cocaine.

This time, I'm going to make sure that Lux, we know that Lux was selling his body in their bathroom.

and he's sorry.

Okay.

Let me call the other one.

Which one did I call that time?

Oh, Jesus.

Okay, the 2-2, or the 2-0-0.

Okay.

All right, I'll call this one now.

All right, this time it won't be admitting to a crime.

I'll say my son wants to apologize

because he didn't flush the toilet.

And I'm a very strict parent.

Say he broke a horsey cat news.

I don't know.

Okay, yeah.

There he goes.

And I'm going to make you apologize.

And you know the routine after that, right?

I don't know, Sloth.

Is that too far of saying you damaged it accidentally?

Dropped it?

A sloth?

A horsey cat?

A leg broke?

What?

You accidentally broke something in the store?

Yeah.

No.

Fuck no.

Perfect.

Thank you for calling your Walmart neighborhood market pharmacy.

Our pharmacies offer an automatic refill program.

You can't trade in with me, okay?

We're not going to wait for a manager.

This way you never have to worry about running out of your medication.

Ask a pharmacy associate for more details on auto-refills.

To request a refill, press 1.

If you are a prescriber, press 2.

For pharmacy hours, press 3.

To check on the status of an order, press 5.

To speak to a pharmacy associate, to request a refill, press 1.

If you are a prescriber, to request a refill, press 1.

That is not a valid selection.

To request a refill...

I'm calling back because we don't want to talk to the pharmacy.

Who pushed the pharmacy button?

Press zero, stupid.

Goddamn Ken.

It said one.

Thank you for calling your Walmart neighborhood market.

Please enter the prescription number located on the-

It didn't say that earlier.

It said one for retail, didn't it?

I'll press zero.

You're probably right, Lux.

Generally-

Goddammit, G.I.

Trying to steal your Viagra prescriptions.

Yeah, I'm going to admit that we stole all their methadone.

Thank you for calling your Walmart neighborhood market pharmacy.

Our pharmacy-

Please stay on the line while your call is transferred to the pharmacy.

Oh, what's that?

Is this Walmart, just one big pharmacy, or is somebody else pushing buttons?

It's perfect to say I did drugs in there.

It's all drugs.

I don't...

Thank you for calling Walmart.

Please fill in the description or reach out to your patient.

Okay, I must be calling the fucking pharmacy in there.

That's what I must be doing.

Okay, I'm going to just look at...

What's another city?

Sacramento?

Thank God.

If I'm not admitting to crimes, I'm fucking not getting calls.

But I'm not admitting to crimes I never committed.

It's like the opposite of the A-team.

I'm still waiting for that bitchy.

I've committed to crimes I never committed.

Now I'm on the run and the madhouse is against me.

She hasn't emailed me yet.

I can be face.

I'm pretty enough.

I love it when a Friday phone marking comes together.

It rarely does.

It's usually fucking busy.

Fuck you.

I love it when Sloth calls Jaiad on a bad prank idea.

Trying to be a criminal.

Man, what is it with you?

I don't know.

I'm not seeing it when I'm thinking of these ideas

I'm not seeing it like you guys are like

oh my god what's wrong with you

I'm literally like

what

I think this is a great end of the 24 hour show

I mean shit

yeah we've gotten the cops

involved twice and

this chick's gonna send

a nude picture of herself

to the email

thank you for calling walmart

I've been ready

Hello?

Oh, it hung up on us.

Oh, no.

I'm calling back.

Oh, no.

Thank you for calling Walmart.

I like your little kid voice.

He sounds so curious.

Hi, Mimi.

Thank you for calling Country Club Walmart.

How would you like to call?

Well, ma'am, I had an issue.

Me and my son were in there earlier.

He's right here with me.

Hi.

He was in the toy aisle, and he told me that he accidentally broke one of the horsey cats.

It's one of those little stuffed animals.

Well, he said he accidentally broke one, so I wanted him to call and apologize to you.

Oh, I appreciate that.

Thank you.

Okay, Lux, go ahead and apologize to the woman.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to break it.

That's not an apology.

You really apologize.

Oh, okay.

Apologize.

Tell her you're sorry.

Ow, stop it.

My butt hurts.

Ma'am, I'm sorry.

Okay?

Okay, thank you.

I appreciate you apologizing.

Thank you.

Ow.

Come at me, Dad.

Ma'am, help me.

you have a good day thank you oh i'm sorry excuse me ma'am is it okay if i ever bring

him to walmart again yeah that's fine okay you're lucky because if i was kicked out

oh no you're not i appreciate the call thank you

you have a good holiday season thank you

Now the guy named Gian is committing child abuse on the air.

Wait a minute.

I did two of those calls earlier.

Nobody said a word to me.

Earlier it was a lot louder, wasn't it?

Earlier it was really loud.

I had an empty house.

Yeah, you should call the DMV and inform them that you're driving drunk currently.

You plan on robbing a bank.

Wow.

Do not.

No.

I'm not kicked out of the room.

them so i'm doing something right well now you're gonna be kicked i think

fucking lux is full of these ideas because he's like i'm underage i can't do shit to me

uh yeah i'm full with criminal ideas goes off my record in three years should i have you

apologizing for for for me from rbcp earlier and tabachi kicked me out because i apparently

Apparently admitting to starting a riot that happened in a Walmart earlier today is against the rules.

I didn't know.

I honestly didn't know.

Now I know.

I'll never admit to a crime I never committed again.

Is that the shoplifting one, or what was the one before that?

That was the one where he said, I started that fight, and I dropped his coat off.

Yeah, he fucking dropped, he drop-kicked a woman in the stomach.

Yeah, he said, I ripped my coat off, and I kicked this lady in her stomach.

Or it might have been when I punched that old man in the face.

And then I started admitting to roundhouse kicks.

Yes, sir.

Maybe ice cream can use some pizza numbers and you can admit to putting cyanide in the pepperoni.

I'd be good at this if I was allowed to break laws.

I know.

If they're stupid rules.

Call that one chick back.

She hasn't sent me one.

I'm going to give her.

Throw a number up.

Yeah, Ken, throw Caitlyn's

home number up.

I will threaten to stab her and her family tonight.

That's funny, right?

That's funny.

Caitlyn's fucking home number. I guess if I find where we

posted her shit.

Call the house one. I'm trying to find her right now.

Alright, I got it.

Throw that up there.

Doc, send me a PM with your email.

I'm going to have to ban myself from

phone-allarging.

I'm going to have to...

I'm getting a write-up for this. There's no doubt about it.

he hasn't even been drinking

well when I'm drinking I laugh

constantly when I do it the one time I did this show

drunk it was fucking hilarious

because that was when I got the guy to put Gatorade in

he was going to do the

exchange his blood for Gatorade

yeah eight pints of red Gatorade

yeah but he was like

he was like well what happened

to the other people and I said oh

instantaneous death and I started

laughing and he was still okay with it

but hey you changed the color of the

the Gatorade.

We had green. We had lime,

but we went to blue. I didn't even know the flavor.

I didn't even know the flavor.

Alright, there's the number. Let's call

her back. She needs to email me

that naked picture.

It's some bullshit.

You can see that at this point,

you're getting written up for terroristic

threats on our show, and you're getting written up for using

company time to try to get laid.

Oh, she's

with the Cali, too.

Hi, Caitlin.

Caitlyn?

No.

What?

No, this is not Caitlyn.

Oh, who is this?

This is Caitlyn's sister.

Oh, can I speak to Caitlyn?

God damn it.

She's way hotter.

Stop.

Who's way hotter?

She said I'm way hotter.

Okay, why don't you send me a picture to my email?

No, I don't think so.

You don't want to be in a porno?

No.

And do you suck dick very well?

Oh my God, dude.

Dude?

Are you from Minnesota?

Caitlyn's 14.

No, she's not.

i don't know you're gonna be the lawbreaker

ice juice is going to jail okay let me get this straight starting riots is pretty minor at this

point yeah fucking giant starting riots i just was being a pedo hey i almost threatened to kill

put caitlin on the phone god damn it hey tell caitlin i want to come over there and go

cool ken's a criminal come on sloth ken i thought you have a seat i have one of those cookies

i was feeling left out okay go ahead and have a seat i just i got some couple questions for you

caitlin kaylor are you still fucking here god damn it that's chris hansen

i'm on nbc i'm fucking dying right now oh shit who emailed me oh it's gone that's funny when

She said he's 14, but everybody went,

I was like, oh, what?

I emailed Joyce.

Oh, you emailed me?

All right.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

I think everybody had that same feeling at the same time, like, oops.

Well, I didn't care.

Yeah, yeah.

I still want to call this 15-year-old babysitter in Guam I found

and propose marriage.

You want to propose marriage to a babysitter?

Yeah, she's 15.

We all got to help your proposal by, like, singing a song.

I'm going to say I breastfeed still.

It's to you.

We're all child molesters.

No, we'll all sing the song, the horsey cat song.

Horsey cat, horsey cat, you smell like fish.

You smell like fishes and you have a huge cock.

Yeah, it's your delicious.

Those are the pictures your girlfriend sent over ice coos.

Oh, she sent them to yours?

Yeah, so I... No, that JoJo.

I just sent you the new picture she had.

Oh, these pictures aren't even fucking loading.

Horsey cat, Horsey cat.

You are delicious.

You smell like fishes and you got a big cock.

You got a huge cock.

It's so funny what got invented.

You see what happens

when 24 hours of pranks happen?

Something gets invented and it gets escalated

in such a short time.

Oh my god. She has small titties,

but oh my god.

Oh, the picture started loading for you?

Oh, shit.

Welcome to the dude show.

Apparently this is the dude show now

where we look at pictures of chicks.

Hey, look, we didn't make you get married,

Jaiad, and have sex with the same woman

every night for the rest of your life.

Far from every night.

I sent an email back to Caitlin.

I said, where's this picture? I command you.

Email me.

Email them all to me.

Alright.

Yeah, yeah.

You can't even look at porn yet.

Don't send those to him.

Alright, Sloth.

Sloth, give me your email on the Skype chat.

It's questionable if I was breaking the law

admitting to crimes I never did.

You sent Lux those pictures, you're probably gonna be right.

God damn it.

Alright, Count says my birthday makes me 24, so.

Shut up.

Shut your mouth, motherfucker.

Don't make me hit you some more.

me and sloth or me and uh me and lux's relationship has gotten more and more

violent as it went on it started out with put your hand on the stove

and now and now i'm beating him in public though yeah i think it's because i'm kind of a slut son

like i have like a bunch of fake dads yeah yeah yeah i used to be a lot nicer when i thought i

I was your only fake dad.

Now I'm hearing shows of other fake dads.

You're getting it.

That's all I can say.

We've got 35 more minutes of the 24-hour prank machine show.

Is Carlito going to come on to wrap it up, or are we just going to say, fuck it, we're done?

I know Tabachi had actually sent me a countdown, which is 57 seconds long, to play and lead up to 10 p.m.

So I intend to do that.

All right, Doc.

But I don't know if...

I just sent it. I don't know how the fuck I did that.

Yeah, check your Dropbox.

See if I did that right.

I don't have a Dropbox, buddy.

No, no, no. Not you.

I was talking to Doc. Did you give me your email yet?

Yeah, it's in your PM.

You guys can jerk off on your own time.

We'll just call you.

I sent that to...

You guys just gotta be like,

can I jerk off during...

I was gonna say.

We can't stop

Stop the show to jerk off.

We all got to take a note from Ken's book

and jerk off while we do the show.

Fantastic.

Alright, I am running out of numbers, actually.

I have those haunted

home numbers.

Those people that want to help me.

Like that crazy chick.

All crazy Maurice.

Let's see how his Thanksgiving was

since he hates his fucking family.

You want to call Maurice?

I can probably call his number.

If anything, we can listen to that fucking funny voice.

yeah if you're my family don't bother calling yeah it's grace man i'm gonna put the uh this

one number in the thing it's dory she's a spirit warrior she says she fights demons

i'm gonna challenge her i'm gonna challenge through a fist fight and tell her that i'm

gonna drive my car over top of her no but she sounded like she believed it too like that she

fights demons for god crazy shit yeah is it hey guys is it is it illegal to threaten violence

against ghosts. Can I go that

direction? She'll be a spirit warrior

and I'll be like, I literally

fist fight ghosts. I'll tell her

a story about

fist fighting ghosts. Where the hell's

his name? Just this day, I

killed the ghost of a horse cat.

Thank you, Tabachi.

Thank you, Tabachi, for getting

us numbers for us fuckers.

Yeah, some numbers. Where's Maurice's

number? Alright, Sloth, I just sent that.

Doc, did that thing come through? I don't have

Maurice's number at the moment.

Oh, RBCP, don't put a goddamn number in the chat.

Come on, now.

Kick him!

I'm too lazy.

Somebody will kick him, though, because a number got dropped.

Oh, fuck yeah.

People have to pay.

It doesn't matter if it's fake.

You have to be kicked.

Yeah, I faked some stuff earlier, and I got kicked.

I put 666.

I started a riot.

See, I get kicked for binary, so he should be kicked.

All right, Dory.

I'm calling Dory.

Did you talk to her earlier or no?

No, she didn't answer.

I have a lot that I didn't.

Hello?

Hi, Dory.

Yeah.

This is Ryan Tolkien.

I'm on with my son, Lux.

Lux, you emailed Dory?

Is that what happened?

I remember the ad you posted because the house was being weird.

You posted that ad.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, she responded to it, Dad.

Okay.

Okay. Okay. So, ma'am, apparently, we're not really sure what to do, but my son thought it would be good to reach out to you.

He said he's heard of you, or you have a reputation or something?

Well, no, not really. I just believe in Jesus Christ, and I know that, and I believe in demons.

Like, I believe in demons and in angels.

Okay. Well, he said that, he told me that you're a spiritual warrior, and so that'll help us out in our...

She said she knows why the house seems haunted, and explained that to us.

Dory, could you help me out in understanding why all this stuff is happening?

Well, what exactly is happening?

She hasn't told me any of that, really.

Well, it's a mixture of things, really.

It started out, originally, we just kind of moved in, and we'd hear weird noises, things like that.

Things that, a lot of times, you can just write off.

You know, like, oh, old house, creaky noises, you know, things like that.

or maybe it was a critter in the wall you know you don't know right but it's actually slowly

escalated to the point to where um stuff started flying around and i actually had a three minute

fist fight with an invisible creature i don't know how to describe it i mean it was like a mist

and it was attacking me and hitting me and i actually fought back it was really scary

mary it flipped the couch yeah and i and i like it was i it flipped the couch and then i ran and

i like did like a big jump kick at it and it seemed to like knock it back but then it just

then a book came and flew and hit me in the head wow yeah so i i don't really i mean i don't really

know what's going on i mean i can keep trying to fist fight it but it doesn't seem to help i mean

I mean, I get tired.

It doesn't seem to get that tired.

I mean, I've tried a lot.

I even now sleep with brass knuckles.

I actually sleep with brass knuckles because I'm just looking for any advantage I can.

So this is, Lux is your son?

Yeah, Lux is my son, correct.

Okay, and y'all all live in the house?

Yes, yep, me and Lux.

Oh, you and Lux.

Dad, I told her about how.

Shut up, Lux.

my brother that's

our other i told her about how we were at mom's yesterday and for thanksgiving because we didn't

want to be at the house cause it's haunted

right yeah he did tell me about

that okay so how

long have y'all lived there dad I'm gonna

go watch some porn so I'll be right back

you go ahead John just

go you're dirty John

John seems to be completely unaffected

by this and he calls us

crazy but I'm telling you I'm

not fist fighting dad I told you I

summoned them I was playing with that

Ouija board yeah yeah

I don't believe you kid

did he really play with the Ouija board

He lies constantly, so I don't even bother listening to the words he says.

What was that, Josh?

I played with a Ouija board, and it all came in.

It was like a couple days after that.

Really?

It started happening a couple days?

No, all that stuff's really true.

I just write off anything that John says.

Basically, I don't even listen to the words that come out of his mouth anymore.

But if you think it was the Ouija board, then it could be.

I believe you.

Dad, if he's doing it, if he's doing it in a way...

Dad, I'm going to go play with the fucking Ouija board right now.

I'll let you finish, but I caught...

I was going to tell you guys that I actually caught John and his friend, Mr. Snodwell, is what I call him, because he's old.

Okay.

And they go to school together, because he failed, like, six grades.

But anyway, I caught them.

They were making, like, triangles and stuff.

There was, like, five triangles in one.

Well, triangles, I mean, that's not a big deal.

I mean, triangles are fine.

I think it was a penta, a penta, a penta.

It was like a pinto something.

I don't know.

Ma'am, do you know what you're talking about?

I know what you're talking about.

Yeah, I know.

It's a satanic symbol.

Oh.

Yeah, that.

There's satanists, Dad.

Yeah, Dad.

Hell, 666.

You know, I wouldn't be surprised at least a bit if my son John was a satanist because he screwed up everything he's ever come across.

Oh, Dad, don't be a dad.

Okay, well, I mean, there's a lot of people who will also just do it for fun, you know, not knowing, like, what kind of, like, how serious it can be.

Okay.

And I wouldn't believe in this stuff if I hadn't actually gone through it somewhat myself.

Yeah, I mean, the Ouija board's still in my room.

Ma'am, are you a saint in this?

Is that what you told me?

No, no, no, I am not.

But, like, when I was younger, I played around with a Ouija board with friends for fun and didn't take it that serious, you know.

And I did just other random things that kids would do back then.

And I know that.

Dad, I'm going to go play with another fucking Ouija board because it's fun.

John, you go ahead.

You know, they spell out words like sick and Gemini.

You just go hang out.

You and your pot smoking friends.

You know, last time I played with it.

I played with it last time, and it spelled Gemini.

I don't know what the fuck that means.

wait it spelled out what it spelled out gemini okay because there's a lot of well there's the

demons have names like they all have different names and stuff so um i don't know i ma'am let

me interrupt you then i i actually seen a blood spot or i i interpret as blood spot it was like

a stain that i painted over at least seven different times now and it keeps soaking through

and it says PLA, like P-L-A, PLA.

Is that anything that you recognize in my room?

What's that, son?

It says P-O-A?

Yes.

Yeah, I saw one like that in my room that said A-P-L, though.

And it was weird.

It said what, A-P-L?

One says P-L-A and one says A-P-L.

and i saw it after i heard my brother and his friend speaking weird words i think it was latin

they were trying to is there anything that satan that's grandium is there anything you know about

the initials pla or the word pluff is that

i don't know i assume it was john dad dad can you come downstairs john's looking at me weird

Okay, just a second.

John, no.

John, stay away.

What's going on down here?

John, you're scaring me.

John, get away from Lux.

Hey, y'all need to get outside.

Get outside the house.

Dad said he's picking up the knife.

Get outside the house.

Ma'am, I think Lux, I think John is just smoking pot again because he looks really weird.

No, no.

Get outside.

Get outside the house.

He seems to be floating, so I think he's high.

Get outside the house, you guys.

Get outside the house.

Okay, I believe this woman's probably right.

Let's all go to the front yard.

Go outside the house and stay on the phone with me.

Hurry up.

Okay.

Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus, protect them, Lord.

Lord, God, please protect them.

Satan, I rebuke you in the name of Jesus.

Away from what?

John, you leave the good kid alone.

Get out of the house.

Ma'am, we're out on the front porch.

Okay, move away from the house.

You guys, what he's messing with is seriously really dangerous.

Y'all have to...

Ma'am, give me just a second.

I'm going to go slap some sense into John.

John, come here.

Get the fuck away.

Well, that did nothing.

I'm sorry, John.

That did nothing.

Usually he goes down when I hit him.

Okay.

Look.

My dad and my brother are fighting.

Look, you have to speak in the name of Jesus.

It's the name of Jesus.

Dad.

Damn you, John.

Always causing me problems.

Lux, are you outside?

Yeah, but they're over on the porch.

Listen.

Listen to me.

Calm down.

Lux, listen.

Yes, and he just hit my dad with it.

You have to listen to me.

Now I'm mad.

Listen here, John.

You're going down.

I'll get you.

No, Dad, put it down.

He's going to hurt my dad.

Apparently John's doing his

wrestling impression.

Lux, is this really happening?

Yes.

Can you help me, please?

You have to say, Satan, I rebuke

you in the name of Jesus.

Satan, I rebuke you.

Say it.

He's choking me.

No, he's choking my dad.

John's choking him.

It's amazing.

Candy bars.

I don't know what to do.

You have to say, Satan, I rebuke you in the name of Jesus.

Say it.

Say it loud.

I'm scared.

My dad is scared.

Say it.

John's coming towards me, ma'am.

Satan, I rebuke you in the name of Jesus.

Say it louder.

Say it again.

Motherfucker.

I'm so confused.

I'm scared.

in the cab of the truck but he's coming up and he's tapping on the window

is your dad with you no my dad's on the porch he's unconscious how old are you luck i'm 11

hang up with me and call my dad's getting dad i'm gonna

John, I don't care about your screaming noises.

You're going to live with your mom.

Pack your shit and go.

Look, hang up with me and call 911 right now.

Okay.

Tell him to come get your brother.

Tell him he's choking your dad.

Okay.

You know, ma'am, we have one of these kind of fights a lot.

So he needs to just pack his shit and go.

He's too old to live here anyways.

Are y'all outside now?

Yeah, right out in the front yard.

He just choked me unconscious.

And he was choking you in the front yard.

Yeah, it's not normal, though.

This kind of thing happens sometimes.

Dad, is John okay?

I saw that you hit him with the cactus.

Yeah, I'm sure that'll hurt, but...

It's not moving.

It'll be all right, though.

Do you have a job?

That's a bad guy ad.

you had to bring in a joke

I was dying to like

I was like oh fuck

you guys

freaking you know what

you can't point that one at me you guys were

freaking yeah

I played along with the

story you guys I mean seriously

though like getting people to think that

something violent's happening and stuff's gotta

stop tonight that's getting bad

seriously okay all right

I'm done I mean what the fuck

no i mean seriously though like it's not funny at this point yeah i know i don't know what the

hell it was supposed to be like yeah we were doing a satan thing i don't know how the hell

it got to fucking everybody's choking all i was doing is playing the dad who was being oblivious

for a while i thought we were fighting with cacti because satan's attacking but then

chai had like yeah he just choked me out damn it no more no more 9-1-1 or police god damn it

let her know it's a prank she doesn't call the police i don't think she's going to but if you

if it'll make you guys feel better oh my god i think i don't think sloth wants us to call him

back somebody's being fucking choked out by satan somewhere jesus christ yeah yeah call her call her

back you need to yeah i think you need to tell her it's all good yeah he came too it's all good

yeah hey i rebuke satan tell her it's a prank god damn it yeah all right and tell her not to

call the police okay i don't need this shit anymore i think she genuinely cared about me

it's like i love you satan go away say hello dory we rebuted we rebuted satan and it stopped

Are you serious?

Yeah, I did.

It was pretty neat.

It worked.

Thank you.

Hey, Dory.

This is 93.2196645, the cat horse.

The number one prank call station in Roy, Arizona.

You've just been pranked by DJ's horsey cat.

He's gone.

Lux disappeared.

Ma'am, I was just looking at Lux, and he disappeared.

No, you got dropped.

rob anyways we we we thank you for genuinely caring we we were just messing around yeah

ma'am i ma'am i had some legitimate questions though for you um i understand that you're a

woman of the cloth of the what of the cloth you know you're religious you get into catholicism

and shit no i'm not religious at all oh well you were going on about christ weren't you earlier

yeah i'm spiritual oh you're spiritual okay well what i'm trying to do is like i'm trying to get

you know a little thing going together with some people okay like sort of a new age uh get together

okay what is it explain well are you familiar with uh sort of like tantric yoga you know yeah

like we all we get together and we get nude you know we can sweat it out a little bit in like a

hut no and we can have sex you're talking about yeah we could have sex ma'am how big are your

breasts no man we're being gone but seriously knock the fuck off guys it's not difficult to

like not give out stuff that leads back to madhouse and to not uh make people want to call

the cops okay what did what did lux give her i wasn't fucking paying attention well no he was

saying horsey cat and shit now that it's a website if people i don't know like it says madhouse on

on it it's bad website says madhouse yeah i didn't know that yeah yeah i just see a horse

or a horse cat with a big penis i didn't see it said madhouse i don't think it should have

madhouse no they changed it oh okay yeah since it's used in pranks they can have brad carter

though since he doesn't mind like pla is real well no seriously that is real exposed it's

whatever already yeah you know he embraces it okay there's another horse you can't say

there's another horsey cat you guys see the horseycat.com now yeah it's better it's a it's

a good design but it shouldn't have the madhouse oh i got you yeah that's what you're talking about

i like the last one i thought the last picture was really good this is an actual website

oh shit that's awesome it's so stupid in one day it became something

24 hours ago horseycat didn't exist the concept of horseycat yeah put my snapchat on there too

Dude, it's OMGHackSwords with a Z.

Put that shit on there.

Front page.

All inquiries.

All right, we got 13 minutes left.

This is awesome.

Where did Lex go, by the way?

He ejected from the car.

The Sloth machine ejected him from the car.

All of a sudden, he was talking, and then he was gone.

All right, Sloth, you want to do a short science after this, too?

Yeah, sure.

My God, you guys are going to keep it rolling?

Dude, I got sleep.

I went to bed and woke up in the evening.

name i've only been up for four hours and 40 minutes you guys are soldiers the hell are these

numbers i'm gonna need some fucking beer and then i'll be sold so all this stuff i'm not sure how

long i'll do a science thing though where do we get more numbers i'm kind of uh doctor gave me

some just hold your titties what are they i don't know you said order titties hold your titties

damn it oh hold my titties i got you ah there's some let's see what are these i don't know i

I can't, oh, their restaurant, Indian restaurant.

Motherfucker.

You motherfucking son of a bitch.

You are not the blood of your father.

Uh, no, doc, you never sent me her boobs.

I think it's because Lux, I'm going to blame it on Lux,

because he was like, yeah, you know, blah, blah, blah.

No, motherfucker.

Send me them titties.

So this LA Fitness, it's known for a gathering point for homosexuals,

especially in the bass.

Yes.

Without thinking, I don't know which way to go with that one.

And so far, that hasn't paid off to be good, so I'm going to hold back.

You know, you could just call the gay hotel and just say that, you know, you got AIDS,

and you're calling the cops because you're bleeding out in the middle of the store.

You know, I think that's the best option.

I am not going to make that call.

And then you shanked a guy, and you left your child there, and you're a rapist who's wanted in a different county.

You guys got to hurry up because I have some children here, and they aren't safe.

Maybe some sansexual assaults.

Call up the...

Holding hospital.

And tell them you're stuck in the dressing room, you crammed yourself into some women's panties that were too small, and now you need help getting out.

Kind of funny.

Okay, hold on, I'll call this one.

This is the bathhouse?

I'm going to do bath salts.

Spray actually going to do bath salts.

Fucked up.

What?

Yeah, he's been doing them.

Yeah, he did them the other night, too.

This is the hotel one right here.

The hotel that is actually disguised gay bathhouse.

Okay, I'll call that one.

And I won't threaten a single person.

What is that?

I got more ball gag than couldn't hurt me.

What a fucker.

I can't hear him.

That was the dude.

I can't eat fucking dinner.

I haven't eaten dinner.

That guy didn't answer yet, and it was still shitty.

I got the other one.

I hope to God that they just have a real phone line.

Good.

so thank you for calling elite fitness my name is jenny how can i help you i'm so fucking fat

yeah i was hoping to uh talk to the uh some of the males that are uh back in the bath house

that the gay bath house is there any way you can put some on she almost was gonna say something

back i just hung up she went uh click i disappeared for a second are you guys there oh

he's a cold son of a bitch he's thankful for nothing ken are you there i'm always here all

Alright, what are you thankful for?

I'm thankful

I didn't have to beat a bunch of people

in the face and shit going to get this microphone

for the show.

You would not be allowed to talk about it.

I can't even tell you got it, motherfucker.

Eat a dick, you little dick.

I know, it does sound like you're sitting back.

You may want to mess with your volumes in the future.

Either that or you are sitting back

away from the mic.

Mr. Goose, what did you learn?

What do you think?

I'm thankful I'm not in the video.

I wasn't even paying attention.

I just heard that on the screen.

What were you on about?

Ah, we'll come back to you right after Ice Goose.

Yeah, goddamn.

Let me fucking finish.

All right.

Thanks, son of a bitch.

You guys got up one minute.

You have one minute until I run this track.

Damn it.

All right.

Move on to the next one.

Okay.

Well, hold up.

We got, uh, seriously, like, 13 seconds.

I'm thankful for prank calls.

Yep.

And band codes.

I don't mean to prank call you guys.

I do.

Yes.

I'm thankful for Horsey Kidd.

Shut up, Lux.

Yeah, guess what?

Yeah, you got it.

Goodbye, guys.

It is the most beautiful house around the world.

House Radio Network 24-hour prank call show, aren't you?

Because it's Black Friday, you know?

The Madhouse Radio Network 24-hour prank call show, aren't you?

Marathon's over.

Yay!

I've been up for 37 hours.

I'm going to go sleep now.

Oh, fuck yeah.

This is nice.

People actually stayed up.

I know none of you did.

I did.

Fuck no, I ain't going to do some shit like that.

You guys are stupids.

Only awesome people stay up.

That ice goose bastard's been up for days, man.

If I actually stayed up all day or all night and did this,

that meant I would have already been up,

and I'd be fucked up for days.

I'm so fucking tired I'm not tired.

Like, I could stay up all night now.

Like, if that makes any sense, I've reached the point.

You guys do realize we're still on the air, right?

Yes, yes, I do.

Yes.

Okay.

Go get a dick, Ken.

Sloth said you guys are back on.

You got that, let us know.

Hey, you're louder this time.

You got that dick out of your mouth.

Well, all right, guys.

I'm going to go ahead and ramp up my show.

I'm going to get some goddamn beer.

I'm pretty tired anyway, so see you later, Ken.

Goddamn beer and young up.

That was pretty...

Bye, motherfucker.

Motherfucking shit.

it horseycat.com hey they're all dropping out one by one all right thanks everybody uh thanks for

uh all everybody who did help do the 24-hour marathon that was pretty awesome uh thanks for

sloth for uh hosting my show like i did sorry we make you try to make sorry we make you to

have to be dad sloth we i know we none of us meant it um normally i don't have too much of an issue

you with that but i guess tonight i crossed the line more than three times i think so sorry i

will learn i'm gonna go punish myself and then light some hookers on fire or something so all

All right, everyone. Have a good night.

P-L-A

Go away.

P-L-A

Go away.

P-L-A

Go away.

P-L-A

Go away

P.L.A

P-L.A

P.L.A

Go away

P.L.A

P-L.A

Go away

obscenity

Thanksgiving 2013 Prankathon 7/7 – Jiad and The Art of Phonelarking

Calls (21, 1 h 21 min of 2 h 23 min)

Transcript

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