I’m the Big Guy

Yeah, you know you're kind of stupid.

You little monkey.

You're a bastard.

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

I handle everything. I'm the big guy.

Setting the record.

For most consecutive hours without a listener.

Well, ain't that a kick in the ass.

98.6.

M.O.

Furniture Pam speaking. How may I help you?

Hey, Big Pam. How you doing, baby?

I'm well, thank you.

I'm good. We're going to be having a furniture fucking party, you know?

Furniture sex party.

so you guys don't rent out furniture at all right we do not all right yeah we're just we're renting

out a warehouse and we're gonna put out a bunch of couches and beds and stuff you know hello

hey everybody i'm carlito host of the show that was the first prank of the day

let's try to call him back good afternoon thanks for coming yes do you sell furniture covers or

something that we can cover furniture on with or can recommend something we could use like that

We would do what with the furniture?

We want to cover it up so no stains get on the...

We're having a party.

Okay.

We're having a party here, a furniture party, basically.

So we want to make sure we cover up so there's no stains after the party.

We don't want anything to get spilled on the furniture.

Okay.

Let me get you over to a sales lady, okay?

Oh, but do you have anything?

I asked you a question that didn't ask to be transferred, you know?

Well, I'm in the warehouse, so, I mean, I don't know what all we got and stuff like that.

Yeah, hey, you guys, I mean, maybe after when I come down, you guys want to hang out.

We're having a key party, you know.

We got a big fishbowl.

We all throw keys in there, you know, and we got two fishbowls, one for the guys, one for the girls, you know.

Okay.

Are you a single guy or you got a girlfriend or something, wife machine?

well i don't i mean the only thing that we got for furniture for like stains is a stain guard

but we just no that's like a spray right yeah yeah because we're gonna be fucking and all the

furniture we put out like five sofa couches and we bring in a few mattresses on the ground we put

them on the ground you know a few queen size mattresses that we got here you know and it's

we get about 30 40 guys and girls and you know we just have a lot of fun we have fucking party

you know we play music in the background and all that stuff yeah i don't know i don't think we'll

be able to help you out on that one yeah do you know a dj where we're looking for a dj this time

instead of just putting this old ipod we got we put it on shuffle for music um but it'd be awesome

to get a dj i don't know if you know anyone like that we're all we all started working djs we all

started working the oil shits you know we're from up north further north from here okay yeah don't

I don't think we'd help you out on that one there, so.

All right, motherfucker.

Well, you want to put me through to sales then?

What was your name again?

This is Big Cross.

Oh, okay.

Well, here, I'll get you on the phone, okay?

What do you mean, get me on the phone?

You're going to transfer me, honey?

What does that mean?

Hold on a minute here, okay?

Okay.

This is Kevin, the manager.

How may I help?

I was supposed to transfer to sales, not you.

I'm the manager.

Good for you.

That's nice, honey.

Can you get sales on the line for me?

No.

Why not?

I command you.

you what i command you okay i order you to put me through to sales the woman just to let you know i

am recording this phone call and i will be calling the police why why because of your uh my attitude

inappropriate i have attitude you guys say oh police a man call your your your inappropriateness

an asshole customer called thank you an asshole customer called police help me

right am i right you know that it's inappropriate notice is against the law carlito

police the karma police is gonna come get me and say mr carlos you are in big trouble

he's gonna sick miss manners after you i guess someone's trying to call to be on a show but

they're calling the wrong skype line so it's ringing my ipad whoever it is you're a stupid

asshole that's mean let's see who it is i bet you it's jose i bet you anything when's his birthday

birthday saturday what's he wanted for his birthday uh he wants to do isn't he i don't know

he's turning 21 and he's staying home yeah he's gonna do a big show oh evil already was calling

i think i think are you on there right now i want to do some pranks man evil already you got the

wrong hang on let me uh he's listening apparently give me a second while i type uh anyway so what's

been up in the prank sphere here have i missed anything the last few nights uh no turbo did a

a show and he was on for about four hours he fell asleep had some laughs and then he fell asleep

yeah who else is on with you guys is that who who was on last night the one guy's funny is that's

that's not spray though right was this no that's uh drunk phd okay dr unk okay yeah he's hilarious

yeah he's really funny dr unk is really cool i like that guy he's nice yeah we've been uh doing

doing some funny pranks uh we called paris the other night as a gay couple trying to get a

reservation for a honeymoon and and uh had some laughs with them okay all right i did hear some

of that last night enigma's here hey enigma hey how's it going oh good thanks for joining us i

appreciate it so jose jose was telling me he needed someone to host for him on saturday i don't know

uh i mean i'm not against him being on the air is this i don't know if i'm going to be around

on saturday but anyone who wants to do it can do it you have my permission i guess he will already

hey big guy how you doing horse what's up man how many hamburgers you eat today none actually not

yet okay have you had anything to eat did you just wake up i just woke up dude okay all right

that's what i figured all right so hamburgers later definitely nah i'm actually trying to lose

weight i'm like back up to almost what i started at oh wow really you lost yeah i'm up to 275 now

Man, you had dropped all that weight, Artie.

I was so happy for you.

Yeah, I gained like 35 pounds in the past year.

Oh, poor Artie.

Poor Artie, huh, guys?

Poor Artie.

Yeah, it happens, man.

Anyway, so we're calling an oil town in North Dakota.

An oil town?

Yeah, I already called the furniture place and made a mockery of the furniture business.

I got the Daily Addiction Coffeehouse.

Anybody wants a daily?

I'll take it.

Okay.

I'm having withdrawals.

What's new with you, man?

We didn't talk.

You know I broke my ankle, right?

I finally told you that.

What happened?

I broke my ankle.

Like how?

I slipped on ice and I broke it.

You slipped on ice?

Yeah, I slipped on ice, man, and I broke my ankle.

How much snow you got out there?

It snows a lot.

We've been getting a lot of ice and snow.

We got the whole polar vortex.

You're in Florida.

Fuck you.

I'm going to move the jersey or whatever.

I am, dude.

You are?

Yeah.

Why would you want to after what happened to me?

You were raised up in Florida, weren't you?

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know why you'd want to.

I got some down-ass people in Jersey, bro.

They're down as hell.

All right, here's your coffee place.

Talk about that later.

Yeah.

Daily Addiction, this is Jordan.

How may I help you?

Hey, hey, hey.

You got that coffee?

Yeah, we do.

Um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um.

I was wondering if I could get, like, a gallon of it.

Uh, hold on.

You gotta ask.

Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.

Hello?

Actually, could you make that two gallons?

I really need some coffee.

Two gallons of coffee?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, we don't really sell it by the gallon.

I don't know.

I don't have a container for that.

Could I drink it right out of the coffee pot?

No.

It might be a wee bit warm.

Please, please, please, please.

Could you get me a pitcher?

I really, really need a lot of coffee.

Well, you can come...

Well, no.

We have, like, 20-ounce cups.

That's the biggest container we have for to-go coffee.

For brewed coffee.

We have beans if you want to buy beans and brew it at home.

What kind of beans you got?

They're fresh roasted beans in Minnesota.

Will they make me see special colors?

No.

Are you sure?

They're not magic beans?

No, I don't think they're magic.

Come on, man.

I really need that two gallons of coffee because I ran out of Coke.

Okay.

Come on, man.

You got to help me out.

Well, you could come in and drink a 20 ounce coffee as fast as you possibly can and then

get another one.

Oh, no.

I'm about to get on the road.

This isn't for drinking.

Oh, do you have a thermos?

I'm sorry.

This isn't for drinking.

It's for enemas that we're doing.

For what?

These coffee enemas that we're going to do.

You have to hold it.

You hold it for a good five minutes, and then you release.

Yeah, this is Dr. Snozzwell.

I'm the proctologist.

I will be administering the enemas.

And do you have the beans that come from the monkey feces?

You know, the monkeys eat the coffee beans, and then they chew it out.

The farmers pick it out of the feces.

No, I'm serious.

It's true.

Do you have the beans from Guatemala?

No.

Well, yes, we do have a Guatemalan bean, but it's not from monkey feces, I'm pretty sure.

No, but it's Guatemala.

Guatemala.

You know?

Right.

Okay, I'm going to get back to work now.

When you're serious about coffee, you can come here and have a cup of coffee.

Guacamole.

I'm going to put it in your bum, though.

Guacamole.

Don't do that.

Guacamole.

Should I put it in your bum?

No.

Guacamole.

I'm not talking about the coffee.

I'm talking about my penis.

My penis.

I don't know why I said guacamole so much.

That was my first prank in, like, two years.

Wow.

No, it wasn't.

You've called before.

No, like, I haven't been on here in a couple years, I think.

No, you were on, like, two Thanksgivings ago, buddy.

Yeah, two years ago.

Okay.

All right.

I think you got a point.

Good point.

Damn, it's been two years already.

Wow.

I think anybody knows who you are.

You guys know who he is?

Let me see.

Baz, you know who Artie is?

Of course I do.

Enigma, do you have...

Artie, it hasn't been two years because it was about a year ago I was on Madhouse with

you and remember we were making those star trek calls and you were chewbacca remember that oh the

i have no memory yeah the star wars shit yeah those are funny we're calling sirs and uh artie

was our retarded friend chewy yeah uh just like that that's what it was yeah all right sushi bar

and asian bistro artie you're a big fan of the sushi you've been to bay ridge lately yeah uh me

Me and my, actually, me and my new friend, if you know what I mean, the guy who I go to, you know?

Yeah, your boyfriend.

We go there all the time.

Good, yeah.

You and the guy that you go to for love, going there all the time, very nice.

Not for love.

That's weird.

You invite your dealer to eat sushi with you at a restaurant?

Well, he's not really, he's more of a middleman, and we hang out all the time.

Oh, okay.

He's your sloth.

Very nice.

Here we go.

Sushi time.

They said they couldn't help you.

Yeah, hey.

How are you?

Good.

I'd like to make an order, please.

I'm sorry?

I'd like to make an order.

Want to go?

Yep.

Go ahead.

All right.

One motherfucker.

Motherfucker.

You don't understand.

Motherfucker.

All right.

One asshole.

I don't know.

No.

One shithead.

I think you got it wrong.

This is a sushi place, right?

It's right.

No.

I don't know.

I thought already you were taking that, so I just jumped in and cursed.

Sorry.

I don't want to talk to that guy again.

That was completely stupid and idiotic.

Post office?

Office? No, we can't call that. That's a federal crime.

Are you targeting a specific town?

Yeah, it's an oil boom town, so apparently a lot of people moved in here at one time.

So they're probably used to getting some weird shit.

What's Keys? K-E-Y-Z. What is this?

Radio Broadcaster. Oh, it's a radio station. Okay.

Yeah, we had a lot of people from Seattle that were heading over there to North Dakota.

You know, and the unemployment was about 10% here.

Yeah.

Because it's not that far.

Yeah, I told Milkman to go.

Because you've been looking for a job and you need a good job.

He never went.

I got mad at him about that.

He called me like, I'm having trouble finding a job, a good job.

And I said, Milkman, I told you about two places you could go to to look for work.

Milkman's not a cab driver anymore?

He is, but he hates it.

It's this miserable one.

It's a bullshit job.

He doesn't like it.

I'm at the coolest thing.

Jesus, what is that noise?

Oh, God damn it.

Hi, I'm sorry.

Could you call back?

What are you doing?

Hello?

What's wrong with your machine over there?

Why does it sound like that?

Give me a second.

I'm on the walk-around phone.

You're on the walk-around phone?

And it's on speaker?

Can you turn your radio down?

Will I turn the radio down?

Oh, okay.

I don't have no way to turn the radio down.

Yeah, we need you.

My desk was closer, okay?

Yeah, it's coming through way too loud, you know?

Hold on one second.

Give me a minute.

Hurry up.

I've been in the game for just a month.

Okay, I'm with you.

Yeah. I need you to turn the radio down. Okay. So tell them on 660. Well, it's way too loud. Like

right now we have it on. It's on downstairs. We don't feel like going downstairs. You know,

um, I got an injured ankle and my girlfriend, she doesn't, you know, we're just laying here.

We're having a lazy day. So if you guys can turn down the radio from over there,

we really appreciate it. Cause it's really loud. Okay. You know, okay. I can, I can hold and I'll

I'll let you know if it's down low enough.

All right.

Hold on a moment, okay?

All right.

It's a human right of anybody on the board being so flagrantly tranquil.

That has certainly been part of the situation that appears to be underway in Ukraine.

Foreign ministers of the EU say they'll apply sanctions on officials.

Fuck.

Fuckers.

You're listening to ABC News.

I have a 70-pound royal standard.

Her name is Zelia.

Sir?

What's going on?

Which station are you wanting to turn down because we have no control on this end?

It's the one that you're just playing on a whole now.

What's that machine?

Okay, that's the thing.

I need to, I have to have Earl talk to you as far as it's technically right.

Why, why, why, why, why?

Why, why?

What are you saying?

Why?

Because I have no control over it.

Earl would have to take care of it.

Hold on a minute.

If you'd like to talk to the person who's in charge of that.

Son of a bitch.

After I started feeding her dinovite

My dog's ear problems

My dog no longer yelps

You can stick it as far as you want

Yeah, the dog wouldn't have fucking ear problems

If they turned the damn radio down

It doesn't yelp when you fucking have it

859-428-1000

D-I-N-O-V-I-T-E

Dot com

Marty, you're sending me texts of drugs

Drug pictures

ABC's Jim Ryan is there

After finishing in fourth place in the short program

18-year-old Gracie Gold knew she was

Shit's day, bro

You can do a different call while you wait on this.

That's bullshit about the Canadians, right?

Isn't that bullshit?

You know we invented hockey.

I know, after we beat the...

Hello.

How are you doing?

Yeah, hey, we're having a furniture shindig up here, upstairs.

We're just having a furniture...

A furniture shindig.

A furniture day.

Like, we just hang out on the furniture all day.

So, the radio downstairs is way too loud on your station.

it's on 660 yeah can you guys turn that down because like i'm in a i'm in a wheelchair i

got injured i just moved here for the oil machines you know i work on oil machines we

all work on the oil machines you know right yeah so we got a few ladies and a few of the

oil machine guys you know we're hanging out we're celebrating that i got a uh settlement

for disability from the oil machine because i broke my ankle you know so anyway i can't go

go downstairs and turn down the damn radio and it's really loud like we can really hear it up

it's like it's ruining our concentration and stuff you know and the girls are trying to get

off and it's just really putting a buzzkill in it when you're hearing country and like news and

stuff like that i'm playing any music on our station right now yeah but you got news right

now it's really loud it's really damn loud you want me to turn down my radio station so your

Your radio level goes down.

Is that it?

Well, I mean, we can't get downstairs right now.

We're really busy, you know.

Hey, I'm going to put you on with a man that can really deal with this issue.

Hang on.

All right, boy.

Hello, it's Ken O'Brien, operations manager.

May I help you?

Hey, I need to speak to the chief engineer.

You're speaking to him.

You're the operations manager and the chief engineer?

I handle everything.

I'm the big guy.

This is a pretty small operation then, huh?

What can I do for you?

I'm from Florida.

I'm not from here originally.

I needed to work, so I was working on the oil machines.

And I got hurt.

and i broke my ankle i'm upstairs and there's a few of us guys and girls from work you know

we're having a furniture party a lazy day you know thursday bum day kind of up here you know

we're just in pajamas and underwear so anyway the station is on the radio machine downstairs

and it's way too loud you guys are way too loud like the talking the booming voices and the news

and all that and we want you to turn it down just so we can concentrate a little bit more up here

and the things we're doing.

What are you playing the radio on there yourself?

What do you mean?

What are you listening to it on?

On a radio machine downstairs.

And you're not able to turn it down yourself?

I would go myself, but I have a broken ankle

and I can't get up and down really easy.

And it's dangerous, you know.

And then the rest of the guys, you know, some of them are drunk.

One of them has passed out.

I don't know what he was doing.

He was locked in the bathroom for like 30 minutes

and we, you know, had to bang on there to wake him up enough to unlock it

and we had to drag him out.

So he's laying on some dirty laundry in the corner.

And the girls are trying to get off and stuff, you know.

You know, you sound like you're a radio station somewhere else

pulling a prank on us.

No, no, seriously.

We're all just all hanging out, but, like, the noise, the talking,

talking he's talking about like fiscal benefits and the president and john boehner so i mean we

don't really care for that can you please just turn it down just a little bit at least

so we don't we'll do our best we'll do our best all right can you tell me take care bye-bye stay

on and you you figure we're a competing radio station yeah we are i like how they kept escalating

it yeah i was gonna ask for geordie laforge first the lady put big girl on and then he put the big

boss on yeah oh that's what i was laughing at you guys last night you guys were doing the pack led

fucking shit from star trek uh we cannot go that stuff we cannot we cannot go

oh that's stupid shit yeah geordie laforge man always on it uh a piano store anyone

anyone ans pianos yeah sure you can take the jerky boys route say there's a snarling dog

a rottweiler he just stabbed it at everybody he jumped in there yeah he jumped in there got stuck

how about it you fucker you motherfucker what kind of message is that right this is like it

makes it it makes you think someone's there it's no uh no way to run a business oh they they still

They still have a VHS video play still.

That is awesome.

Hang on.

I wonder if they have dirty tapes.

Yeah.

But I think this is the owner's phone number.

It's like the owner's personal home, apparently.

Hang on.

Let's see.

Video, how may I help you?

Hey, I'm calling about the videotape machines.

You guys still sell or rent tapes?

I like VHS tapes.

Yeah, we do not.

We were told that you did.

I mean, we have some old tapes that we thought maybe you might be interested in purchasing from us.

They're kind of worn out, they're faded, and so you basically just get a lot of static on them

because me and the guys have been watching them all the time.

But you have DVDs and Blu-ray?

Yeah, well, we just have DVDs and Blu-ray. We don't carry VHS anymore.

Okay. Well, okay. Never mind. I guess we'll just throw these fuckers out.

Hey, what kind of DVDs do you have? Do you have those dirty DVDs?

Yes, we do. How's this?

Yeah, you do? Are they, like, really dirty?

I mean, we want to get...

We've got, like, this funny thing going on here.

It's a furniture party.

We're all just kind of lying around here in the warehouse.

Got a bunch of furnitures

and spread out.

We've got, like, a bunch of throw pillows on the floor

and all the guys and girls are just...

It's a real wacky scene we've got going on here.

We've got a big monitor and we want some

dirty movies.

Do you have Cream Street 2?

Cream Street 2?

With Big Ken?

There's a big what?

A big box of boners, you said?

A big DVD.

Oh, cool.

Does it have dirty pictures in it?

Yes.

Really?

Can I look at that book when I come in?

I just want to take it into the restroom for a few minutes.

Just borrow it, and then I'll bring it right back.

Sir, this is a troll and unnecessary.

You have a good day.

No, it's not out of control.

No, it's not.

Riot Terminator.

I like how he's checking for Cream Street, too.

creep street holy shit gotta love it she was she was monitoring the call the background

i'm calling back ryan terminate the call please i know i was out of control the phone's off the

hook now all right okay uh that was fun give me a second here i got the uh department of

sanitation for the city i know it's a government but it's local and i thought i'd just tell them

i'm gonna take a shit i'm gonna ask him how the toilets work yeah this is a sanitation and public

works like you guys handle the pipe machines i'm sorry you guys handle a pipe and toilet machines

for the city the pipe and toilet machines the pipes and the toilet machines um come on it's

sanitation right like the the sewers and whatnot the water coming in and going out yeah yeah so

So, I just got a job here.

I'm from Florida, from South Florida, Okeechobee, Florida.

I work on the oil machines up here, you know, and I got to take a big shit, so I'm going

to sit on the toilet.

Uh-huh.

A port-a-potty.

No, no, no, no.

It's actually inside an apartment, you know?

Uh-huh.

So, I just want to make sure how it works up here.

like after i take a big shit then i just i've pulled the lever down and it goes down the toilet

right it flushes okay hopefully and you can put paper in there also sometimes okay all right all

right and if i have any problems with the toilet you guys come out to fix it right no we do not

you call a plumber well this is public works you handle the shit in the toilet and all that and

the no we don't the pipes that go you go handle the pipes though right only after it hits the

street okay i'm reporting a problem with the pipe after it hit the street it's backing up in my

bathroom and the bathroom's dirty it has to be clean did you call the plumber to clear the way

to the street they said that they have to take care you guys have to come take care of it they

said you have to take care of it to the street because all we're gonna do is go to the street

and blow out the main line he's doctor he's uh baz he's a plumber you know and he has a he has

the diploma and the certification and all that and he said yeah it's uh you guys he said he gave

me your phone number he said who's your plumber uh ralph little john did he run any of the he

works for baz plumbing machines and you know you ever heard of united water machines oh did he run

anything down your toilet to the main line yeah yeah he did he did all that stuff so what's your

address you guys got to come here and clean this though right no i'm not going to clean your

bathroom you guys have to because they backed no we don't it's your fault it's your fault damn it

no come i need you to clean the toilet nice clean use some lysol i got some lysol wipes here

well you show me how to use them well you should know you're a woman oh careful your address bet

mr baz is gonna help you with that go ahead mr baz yeah hey how's it going woman um he came in

And then he ran a camera down.

He saw a lot of feces in there.

We need to get that cleaned out.

Yeah, you guys need to take care of that.

That's not our problem.

We need a woman to do some scrubbing.

Oh, okay.

Because we're not going to touch that.

Okay, but you have to give me your address so I can get over there.

You have to give me the address so I can come over and clean it.

225 Elm Street.

Yeah, and we're not the landlords, you know.

You got to talk to the landlord.

225 Elm Street?

I'm talking to this bitch.

Okay, I'll be right over there

Bitch

Yeah, but the camera saw a lot of shit in the toilet

Uh-huh, uh-huh

And it was under the rim

Bitch

Uh-huh

And I don't want to touch it when I sit down to defecate

Yeah

Bitch

Uh-huh

So it might get on my balls

Bitch

Uh-huh, that would be awful

It's unsanitary

Bitch

i got that from dialer just where you see bitch

like you interject it while someone else is talking like uh uh what you would call it like

Like in Fight Club, the scenes of the big floppy cock that are spliced in there.

Yeah.

Anyway.

Artie, you still with me, sir?

Yeah, I'm here.

All right.

Good.

There's signs.

Anybody want to buy some signs?

We could use a funny sign.

I want a sign from the universe.

Tell me what a sign it says.

Get the fuck out of our town.

Poor people get out of town.

See how far you could take it with the kinds of signs you get.

Ask for a small size and be like, you know.

Do you need a sign in order to believe, Artie?

There you go.

Send me a sign.

Go Lord.

There you go.

Signs by Dan.

Hello?

Is this Big Dan?

This is Tammy.

Oh, how you doing, Big Tammy?

Good.

Hi, big girl.

Listen, I need a sign.

Okay.

My brother, he's got a lot of problems, you know.

He's been smoking marijuana, cigarettes, and he gained a lot of weight.

he's up to 275 pounds again now who's that uh arty so i what i wanted was to he needs a sign

he was talking to me on the phone and he said please send me a sign he was like you know i

want to change and please send me a sign he said like that send me a sign jesus send me a sign like

that you know so i wanted to get him a sign you know okay all right so what kind of sign would

What would you suggest to make Artie get better, lose some weight again?

Boy, that's completely up to you.

Let's make it say, you motherfucker, you, like that.

Hey, you motherfucker, you lazy, like that.

Hey, you lazy motherfucker.

Huh.

Yeah.

Do you have vinyl signs?

Like, outdoors is what I'm looking for.

All right, so let's make it say, Artie, you lazy motherfucker, you,

get off your motherfucking lazy asshole and get it done.

And then the bottom real big, and get it done, like that.

And then we're going to put a picture of an aborted fetus next to it.

And then in smaller letters put, this could have been you every morning you wake up is a blessing.

Because my mom wanted to have an abortion after me because I'm better.

I'm superior.

Yeah, but then, you know, my dad convinced my mom not to get rid of Artie when he was in her womb, you know,

after my dad fucked her, you know, and ejaculated in her and inseminated her.

and the sperm went up to her fallopian tube and all that

and it attached to the egg that was attached

and the egg came down and it attached to the wall?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Huh.

So how much for a sign like that

and how much notice do you need?

And do I need to provide the picture of the aborted fetus

or can you get that?

Do you have that?

No, I don't.

You don't have that on file.

Okay.

Nope.

Okay.

So what else then?

What else do you need from me?

What are you going to have on a banner material?

Well, like on a big vinyl thing.

I'm going to stretch it across two buildings or two light poles across the street.

So it's going across the street.

So when he drives to come home, it's going to be like going across the street, you know?

Well, do you have measurements?

Well, no, just make the sign, and I got my own measurements for the rope.

I'm going to use some ropes, you know?

Okay, so do you have any idea what size a banner material?

Two foot by six foot?

Big outside, commercial-sized motherfucker, yeah.

And it needs to be about as wide as a street, you know?

As wide as a two-lane street, you know?

One lane each way.

Okay.

This needs to be outdoor, all right?

And did you get down what I needed to say?

Uh-huh.

Can you read it back?

I want to make sure you have it right.

Get out of your ass, you stupid motherfucker, and get it done.

It starts out, already you lazy motherfucker, and then what you said.

Okay.

Yeah, and then it's going to have on the bottom right the aborted fetus picture.

Uh-huh.

And what does it say under?

You didn't get down what it says under it, right?

What's that?

You didn't get down what it says under the caption for the picture, did you?

Yeah, this could have been you.

Okay.

All right.

Thank you.

So how much then?

Uh-huh.

How much then?

It just depends on what size because I don't know what the width of the streak is.

I'm putting Artie on the line.

Artie, go ahead.

Artie.

First of all, motherfucker, I'm not lazy.

I'm just unmotivated.

You understand me, Lito?

Yeah, that's Artie.

Arthur.

Arturo, he's my brother.

I'm Carlito.

They say I have anger problems.

You're just going to sit there, honey?

What's that?

You're just going to sit there, honey?

Well, I don't know what size you want.

I said big.

It needs to be as wide as a street.

I don't know.

Eight feet wide.

And how deep?

Three feet?

Yeah.

I'll go deep.

Let me look at my price here.

$250.

And how soon can you get that done?

Next week sometime.

All right, go ahead and get it started.

I'll pick it up next week.

Do I have a confirmation number?

No, I don't.

Do you want to, are you going to bring down that picture?

Can I email it to you?

Yeah.

All right, hang on.

I'm connecting someone else.

They're going to send it.

Good afternoon, Canary Pressure Testing.

Hey, how are you?

This is the stacking testing machine.

Pardon?

I'm sorry.

Shut up.

This is the stack testing machine.

machine a vop choke manifold valve pressure testing yeah you check the machines right the

big big damn machines oh gosh i'm coming into the answering service let me get mike for you

yeah get a man get a man on the phone you know who's calling oh this is cross cross with what

company yeah i'm with united water machines okay all right just a minute hurry up are you there

Bear sign lady?

Yep.

All right, you hang on, all right?

I'm getting him on the line now.

Don't go anywhere.

And they're going to connect us, and we'll figure it out.

Did you say email's okay?

Yep.

Oh, very nice.

I don't need the email address.

He's connecting now.

Good afternoon, Power Synergy.

Yeah, listen, I'm supposed to call about that sign that's going to be going on down there.

You know?

The sign?

The sign for Artie, yeah.

For Artie?

Artie.

Hold on just a moment, please.

What are you doing?

I'm going to put you on hold for just a moment.

For how long, you think?

Like a minute or more or less, you think?

Well, I've got to find out what you're talking about.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

This is Powers Energy Corporation.

How do you find out with putting me on hold and not asking me about it?

How does that help when you put me on hold?

I'm going to see if anybody knows what you're talking about.

It's fine.

I don't.

Oh, okay.

That's what you had to explain.

This is Powers Energy Corporation.

I don't care.

I understand that.

It's on my paper.

That's why I'm calling you.

Okay, hold on just one moment, please.

You're not the sharpest knife, are you?

Neither are you.

Yeah, whatever.

Go find that.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

Who is this?

Tom Power.

This is Mike.

Hello?

This is Mike.

I can't hear you.

This is Mike.

Okay, Mike?

Yeah.

Okay.

What are you calling for, sir?

Somebody just called me.

What?

What, sir?

I'm confused.

The phone rang and...

I called.

Oh, you have three people?

No, I...

Three people in the hall or what?

Yeah, you're supposed to connect your call together.

Yeah, I had information to connect you guys.

Go ahead.

Your conference has begun.

Go ahead.

And I'm here, too.

Yeah, we're all connected on the conference call.

And I'm here, too.

What's the conference call concerning?

It's signs.

Yeah, it's a quarterly report for United Water Machines and the signs.

And also, we have the power institution here.

Powers Energy Corporation is represented on the line for the contract.

To which contract are we talking about, sir?

Kodiak Stack Testing and Powers Energy Corporation.

You got canary pressure testing here.

Yeah.

I have no idea what you're talking about, sir.

This is important.

Me neither.

This is important, and you guys need to figure this out,

or there's going to be a shutdown of production,

and it's going to be on you, sir.

Who are you talking to?

I don't know what you're talking about, sir.

I'm writing you up right now.

Mr. Adinkwa, please go ahead and write them up, if you don't mind.

Writing them up right now.

Okay, both of these gentlemen.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, this is very unprofessional.

What are we talking about?

Our participants in the conference call actually know what we are talking about.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Hey, once you say what the hell you're talking about, how about that?

You should both be embarrassed of yourselves.

What are you talking about, sir?

We're calling about the signs, the pressure signs.

I have no pressure signs, sir.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

but we don't have pressure signs.

Sir, you're showing all the signs,

and we're calling to get to the bottom of this.

A bottom of what, sir?

Your ass.

Talk to my supervisor.

Who is this calling?

Bitch.

Who?

Bitch.

From where?

I'm David Snozwell.

We're from United...

From what company, sir?

United Telephone Business...

United Business Telephone Machines.

What does that have to do with me?

We connect conference calls for the contracts.

The business contracts that we have?

We don't do any business with you.

No, but you do business with our client.

Who's your client?

United Water Machines.

I've never heard of United Water Machines.

Mr. Powers.

What, sir?

Mr. Powers.

Mr. R.D. Powers?

No.

Is on the line as well.

R.D. Powers.

That's not my name.

Max Powers is on the line.

Who are you talking from, sir?

So United Water Systems Machines, their sensor devices have been showing all the signs indicating the involvement of your company.

So we're calling to get to the bottom of this.

I think there's some confusion.

Let me explain.

My name is Max Powers.

I'm with United Power Machines.

Okay.

Well, what does that have to do with Powers Energy Corporation?

Well, they told us to connect the call, so we're here.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

We're not in the water business, not in the pressure business.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

You're in the energy business.

What about the world broker?

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, you've got a contract with this client.

No, we don't have any contract with that client.

Well, there must be some kind of misunderstanding, or maybe you're stupid.

Where are you located, sir?

I'd like to talk to you in person.

Chicago, Illinois, but I'll get on a flight to that Peckerwood town.

Oh, you're a fucking asshole.

Your mother.

Just my pussy.

Pussy.

That was a whole bunch of confusion.

I had three people on with us at once there.

the skypes that are shaking it was the sign lady the power lady and the stack testing

whatever that means that was funny that was fun that was funny robert the turbo's here hi turbo

hi hey hey how's that hot dog it was damn fucking good tell you what better than those

fucking canadian dogs you have up there indeed i don't know they did canadian hot dogs they wrap

Wrap them in bacon, probably, because they're fucks.

Shit, I lost my link.

I had a special link for today.

Someone's calling back.

I'm not going to answer that.

We'll let that go to voicemail.

It could be the police, you know.

Anyway, to explain.

Artie, you watch a lot of infomercials, right?

Yeah.

There's these glasses that you're supposed to wear at night.

They're aviator glasses.

They're supposed to kill the glare.

I don't know if you've heard of them.

I forget the name of them.

I had the link right in front of me, and I lost it for some reason.

I was going to give them a call.

i had an idea for a prank for these people i tried to do this last week it was on thursday night

and they of course were closed too late what are they called trying to think it was i think it was

like hd something hd glare i don't know i'm looking at oh hd vision might be yeah yeah i've

seen those infomercials it looks dope i want to get that but anyway i wanted to prank them i want

to tell them that i was driving at night with the lights off in the car and it said that i could

a drive at night with them so i'm supposed to be able to see and all that shit i tell them i got

pulled over at night i think it's night view fuck maybe it's night view visor is it the hd

vision and i go there for driving glasses uh i think that's one of them but the one i was wanting

to call was night view it's called night view i think and i gotta get the phone number too i don't

know the phone number i'm looking order now maybe that'll help me okay i found it all right here we

you go you see i don't i don't plan at all turbo do you plan for your shows like when you do shows

do you do any pre-planning because i do none i do zero man um i did initially with my weekly show

but it kind of fucked everything up so i mean sometimes i do a little bit yeah like i i placed

a fake ad for a free fucking machine last night jose helped me with that there you go like i've

I've been blacklisted from Craigslist due to shenanigans, I assume.

Probably.

Yeah, see, that's the thing.

Like, when I used to try to plan, it would all go to shit.

But now I literally just go, you know, I do some mental notes.

I might write some stuff down on a sticky note, like two or three sentences of things I want to bring up.

But I just fucking go ad-lib the whole way.

I don't know why.

It just seems to work.

I don't know.

Because you're on your feet more, maybe, you know.

You're not trying to follow some script.

That's interesting.

Hi, and thanks for calling about the Night View Visor, the glare reduction visor that fits every make and model of car.

To ensure the best customer service, this call may be recorded.

To place your order, just say order or press 1.

To check on an order you've already placed with us, please say status or press 2.

Or, for more information on the Night View Visor, just say information or press 3.

I'm sorry, but I didn't catch that.

but have you ever noticed how it's sometimes more difficult to drive at night

than it is during the day?

All these people suck.

All that glare from the headlights.

All right, obviously not that one.

There's a competitor, isn't there?

Did you find the competitor, Enigma, the one that I wasn't calling?

Yeah, the Night View one.

Must be the Night View one.

Let me look at it.

That's the number they had on their site up there.

I posted it.

Uh-huh.

Okay, so the same company but the glasses.

All right.

But I know when I tried to call them off air or on the air recently,

it let me get to a line that said they were all closed.

I'll see if I can find another one in the meantime.

Hello, and welcome to the Night View MV order and information line.

Here, you'll get the best deals on Night View,

the top-selling night vision glasses today.

We provide a secure and easy-to-use setting.

This call may be recorded for quality purposes.

For your convenience, please choose from the following options.

To get this special buy one, get one free TV offer using a debit or credit card through our secure automated system, just say order or press 1 now.

If you have already placed an order and would like to check the status, say status or press 2.

Or, if you need more information on Night View NV before ordering, say information or press 3.

Hi, you have reached the status sign.

It's to get the special buy one, get one free TV offer.

Hi, you have reached, got it.

We have you locked in for the special buy one, get one free Night Vision NV glasses for just $10.

Plus $7.95 processing and handling.

I think this is...

Forget it.

I guess this is an automated fucking thing.

God damn.

Yeah, that sucks.

It does suck.

It was my idea.

Oh, well.

I'll have to do more research then on that one.

I guess I have to do some pre-planning.

Try to get through to someone.

Could have sworn.

Could have sworn I got through to someone last weekend.

I'll look and see if I can find something.

All right.

Thank you.

Okay.

Well, anyway, moving right along.

Let me look at the city here that we were pranking.

I'll play music again.

Or I can look at request a prank.

How about that instead?

that all right turbo you sent one in yes all right that is guy selling ultimate dog kennels

okay you say to refer to them as dog prisons yeah peck peck the chicken i like that bass

that's a good idea yeah somebody somebody else came up with that name i think it was who was

that was that bulk joe probably jerry how can i help you hey big jerry listen you're selling

these ultimate dog kennels yes sir are they can we keep a dog inside like so it's unbreakable

Like, how secure is it?

It's very secure now.

You know, if you have a very aggressive dog,

the chain link fencing is probably your weakest point.

So it's a matter of, you know, if it's a real aggressive dog,

you may need to use some additional wire or, you know,

to fasten the chain link to galvanize the tube.

Listen, this dog's going into the shoe program.

You understand what I mean?

He's going to be in there 23-hour lockdown.

down uh all he gets to have is one bathroom and one water thing does yours come with water

receptacle in there you mean water inside the kennel yeah um it could be we do have a water

an extra water feed dish but we don't have anything that would run tubing or anything

in through that's we were there we're taking that dish out it can't have anything we're taking

everything out inside that's contraband or where he can hide stuff you know because he likes to he

He likes to sneak in stuff into the dog house, you know, into the kennel.

Basically, he's in a dog prison is what's going to happen.

He was raping some of the other dogs here on the property.

He got two of them pregnant, and the owner came to me and was like,

I have a purebred poodle, and your dog raped it and got it pregnant.

Now it has mutts, and the value of the dog has gone away because it gave birth to a dog,

you know, a half-breed dog, not a full breed.

you know so we're we had a tribunal and everything and we're we found the dog guilty three counts of

uh canine rape so he's going to be on lockdown for 20 years and that should probably take him

through the you know until he dies it was basically a life sentence so he's only going

to be allowed out one hour uh for into the rec yard that's it where are you located uh we're

We're here in the prison in the forest, the Turbo Forest.

What is your zip code?

Turbo Forest Dog Prison.

What's the zip code?

I'm new here.

Give me a second.

I'll find it, okay?

Maybe someone else needs to talk to you.

Yeah, that's fine.

We have Dr. Baz.

He does experiments on the animals, too.

He's been working on a canine head transplant for a while now.

I just noticed your Oregon phone number.

Are you located in Oregon or California?

I moved here from Oregon recently, just a few weeks ago.

That's why I don't really know what the zip code is here.

I'm sorry.

It's in the woods, you know.

It's Sacramento.

It's in the woods, you know.

Do you know where that is?

Do you know where the Turbo Woods Dog in Canine Prison?

No, I wouldn't have any idea.

Probably a good step for you if you're interested in one of our channels would be to stop by one of our forums.

Can you shut up for a minute, please?

95814.

I said please

dog prison

shoe program for a dog

there's a United Water really Baz

yeah in Idaho

you can call and demand they change their name

because they're United Water machines

I'm going to ask them if they ever get complaints about me

thank you for calling United Water Idaho

our regular business hours

are 8am to 4.30pm

Monday through Friday

you can visit us on the web at

www.unitedwateridaho.com

or reach us by e-mail at uwid at unitedwater.com.

Our offices are located at 8248 West Victory Road in Boise,

one mile west of the Cole Victory Intersection.

Shut up.

Giving out your deets and your docs, fucker.

United Water.

How may I direct your call?

Yes.

How long has your place been known as United Water?

How many years?

Oh, I better get you through with somebody that can answer that, okay?

Hold on just a minute.

What do you do there, honey?

honey? We are the potable

water supplier to the

greater Boise area. It's potable.

What are you doing? What do you do, honey?

Baby. Well, hold on. Let me get you something

and answer your questions, okay? Put some water on you

and you can do something.

Thank you for calling United Water Idaho. You've reached

the voicemail. You the ho, alright.

Hang on, calling. Oh, there we go.

Oops, sorry. Alright, where's that

number? You already posted it? I'm looking.

Yep. Aha.

Thanks for calling Plymouth Direct Products.

Your call may be monitored for quality assurance purposes.

Please listen to the following.

If you are calling to check the shipping status of your order, press 1.

If you are calling about merchandise you have returned to us, press 2.

To reorder additional merchandise, press...

Order processing system is attempting to locate your information based on your telephone number.

We were unable to locate your order with the current phone number.

If you know your order number, press 1.

Otherwise, press 2.

Please enter just the numbers at the beginning of your street address, followed by the...

Please enter just the numbers at the beginning of your...

Please enter your five-digit zip code, followed by the...

Jesus Christ.

Do you know what the options are?

No.

I don't.

Ooh.

Thank you for calling.

Yeah, this is incorrect.

The order processing system is attempting to locate your information.

Forget it.

Those people don't want to do business.

I don't...

I don't care.

Yeah, it's stupid automated shit.

Oh, well.

I'm old. I only order if I talk to a real person.

That's what I'll tell them if I ever get a hold of them.

First of all, we're going to call Cal Kern.

Cal Kern is, what is he? A welder.

Okay.

Been asking to weld a box to masturbate in.

Masturbation box.

Yeah.

You can ask him if he'll be in the box with you.

Good afternoon, Cal Kern.

Yeah, hi. You're a welder?

Pardon me?

Are you a welder? This is a welder?

Yeah, this is a welding company, yes.

Oh, you're a female welder?

No, I work for the company.

Oh, you just clean the kitchen and answer the phone?

No, I don't clean kitchens.

Oh, you probably should.

Can I talk to a welder?

It's a technical question for a man.

Yeah.

You know what?

I'm sorry.

There's nobody available right now.

Okay, so I need a box welded.

You need a box welded?

Yeah, we're going to rent a box for me to go in and masturbate in, you know?

And then we're going to throw me in the ocean.

Yeah, you know, you're kind of stupid to know that.

You're a bitch.

We're going to send her Seaworthy.

You're kind of stupid.

I told her she should.

You're not cleaning the kitchen.

You should.

Perhaps the toilet.

Your husband's going to be mad when he gets home.

The toilet's dirty.

If you'll please leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message.

I'm sure you've seen it yourself.

Standing on the corner is an alleged brother dressed in blue or green, red, and black.

and spouting the news that the revolution is coming and you better get ready.

It's sort of like the end of the world is coming.

Unfortunately, the world is just going to drag on and on.

We have a poem that we've written particularly for the brothers on the street.

All right, we're calling in Inspection Company.

Team

can section this is nicole can i help you hey

are you a female inspector no of course there aren't any right uh so you just answer the phone

and clean the kitchen and stuff like that pretty much okay uh can i speak to an inspector it's uh

a technical question. I need

a man. Okay, sure.

Just a minute. Thank you.

Jerry? Yeah, hey, Jerry.

You guys do inspection,

right? You come down, you do the inspection

for the permits and all that?

We do industrial radiography.

Well, I'm at a truck

repair shop. You got a certification,

right? Yes. All right, I got a

truck repair shop, and in the bathroom

stalls, truckers

spend a lot of time here, you know, when the trucks

break down and they welded like these uh holes in the dividers in the stalls in the bathroom you

know and they will look at each other i guess um using the bathroom and you know uh touch each

other and things like that so we we're putting up new dividers so we need uh you to come do an

inspection and make sure that it's you know up to code and all that because the truckers were like

they were sticking their dicks in the holes and everything and the guy on the other side was

suck it we'll call him back why don't you take it if you want please hey the dead is in the chat

yay the dead damn it man the dad got in a fight with his dominican wife in the dominican republic

and she broke his ipad and he said fuck it and he got a plane ticket and he came back to illinois

yeah that happens every like two weeks so for the last several months so he keeps buying fucking

tickets back to chicago because whatever you get to fight dude just go get a hotel in the

dominican republic that's a great you know it's not cold you know you could probably get a nice

hotel nice woman you know good pizza you know have stuff a pizza six-pack chill out a lot cheaper

you know and when you make up and she's right there i don't get it if that's really the dad

explain please and get on skype and explain in person yeah green light energy services

What kind of service?

I don't want to get to that high.

Yeah, okay.

We're drunk.

Are you drinking already, or you're smoking, aren't you?

Shame on you.

I'm hitting the bong.

God, very classy of you.

Do you put ice in your bong?

Actually, it's like a little, it's a bubbler.

All right, no ice.

White people use bubblers.

What's this number?

Green Light Energy Services.

Thank you for calling Green Light Energy Services.

Want it?

Spencer.

Yeah, hey.

Hey, Spencer.

Yeah.

It's just rentals, energy.

I need some energy services, machines, rentals.

Okay, what are you looking at getting?

Yeah, I'm looking at anything that can provide, you know,

about 4,500 kilowatts of energy for my services.

Okay.

Well, we unfortunately don't have anything like that.

We're strictly, like, oil-filled service equipment,

so it'd be, like, BOPs, drill strings.

Like I said, we don't have any, like, generators or anything like that

we could supply you with.

Oh, you said drills, you said?

No, like, drill string for drilling out wells and that kind of stuff.

Yeah, I need to...

You're just looking for, like, a big generator, or what are you looking for?

Well, we're trying to build a machine, and we need to drill it out.

so we've got uh some materials that we need to drill out need to give it a good rooting sure

okay um what i have i understand what you're saying but what i have is just like big big

drill string so it's like 31 feet long oh yeah perfect is that what you're looking for

yeah we're trying to dig a hole trying to drill out a big big old hole and then we're gonna we're

We're going to put a big metal box in it, and then Bill Cross is going to go inside the box.

It's a masturbation box.

Okay.

He's going to masturbate.

Will you be joining him in the box?

In the box?

Yeah.

I'm kind of confused as to what you mean by that.

Well, it's a box.

It's a metal box.

We already found a welder.

They're going to weld us the box, and he wants to be in a well.

so we're going to put the box in the bottom of the well

and then we're going to

lower him down in a crane

and he's going to masturbate in the box

there he is

is that what you're saying

and it's going to be televised

it's going to be live on TV

it's going to be televised

and you can join him too

it's his

bachelor party

it's a stunt

and he's going to fight you in the box

all right hold on no i'm just gonna punch you okay i like this idea but it's it's a show it's

all right hold on you're a dirty you want to talk to you want to talk to barry about it

yes please immediately there he is hey barry will you be joining us joining us in the box

for the illusion yeah no the box so we're we're gonna your associates gonna provide us the drill

We're going to drill out a big hole.

And then we have welders that have already welded the big box.

We're going to lower it down into the hole.

And then Bill Cross is going to go into the box and masturbate.

And it's an illusion for his bachelor party.

Who is this?

I'm David.

I'm David Snozzwell.

Where are you at, David Snozzwell?

Well, I'm in your mom's house right now.

You're in my house?

Yeah, your mom's house.

mom says hi yeah we're in bed right now hey hey yeah what's going on seems to be some

confusion there yeah there's a lot of confusion i'm trying to get this whole drill i had to take

you i had to take you seriously because you called the business line but uh well yeah this is it's

It's serious business.

Serious business.

Yeah, I mean, we've got fat stacks, and we want to get the job done.

We want to get the job done today.

So where are you calling from?

So if you guys are just going to sit around and thump each other's asses,

we're going to do some business.

I would love to do business with you.

That would be great.

You know, I'm going to write you up.

Okay.

Yeah, what's your name?

I'm going to put it in my report here.

Here, I'm typing up right now.

My name's Ken.

Yeah.

You got that first part, Ken?

McGraw.

Yeah, uh-huh.

Yeah, and then my buddy next to me is Seymour, but...

Oh, yeah, ha, ha, ha, that's so funny.

Here, I'm going to put you on the phone with my attorney, Mr. Robert Trebois.

He's the one that's filing the papers right now.

Mr. Trebois, are you there?

Hi, I'm here.

I've been listening to this entire conversation

and I don't like what I'm hearing.

Okay.

It's a simple job.

You know, I thought you were...

Are you familiar with this line of work?

Yes.

I'm a hole attorney.

I specialize in holes and pits.

Sometimes wells and shafts.

So I'm going to need your information.

What's your badge number?

My badge number?

Yes

You have a whole license, correct?

Oh yeah

Yeah, because you can't be in this business

Without a whole license

So I'm going to need your badge number

My badge number?

Okay, it's 22

22

Do you have a calculator?

Because you're going to have to times it by 3

No, no, you're going to do that for me

Okay, so just put

D-M-E-M-2-2-2-2.

D-M-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2.

Yeah, that's an invalid number.

The system's coming back with the red light.

I think that's another charge to put on the papers.

Yes, impersonating a licensed hole digger.

Okay.

You're going to be in big trouble, sir.

Sir, you better start telling the truth.

I'm sorry.

You're just digging yourself a deeper hole.

Mm-hmm.

Literally, huh?

Now, there's a way you can make this all go away.

You can go in the box.

Okay.

What happens there?

Have you...

In the excavation box.

Yes.

Do you work out, sir?

No.

Okay.

Have you ever been to a gym?

Nope.

Have you ever been to a men's room, like a public one?

Nope.

Okay.

Okay, I'm writing you up for lying and deceiving, too.

I don't know why you're laughing. This is very serious.

No, I'm laughing because my day was really boring until you guys told me to. I appreciate that.

Okay, we're going to write you up for not enjoying your job.

Okay, and the damages, I'm just tallying up the damages here.

You know, the total is increasing with every new charge, and we are up to $323,465.35.

So we can keep going, and the punitive damages will increase.

Or you can just go in the box.

I can't do that.

Okay.

So you'd rather pay out this six-figure fine?

Did you guys know Barry?

Is that what was going on?

Did you not know Barry?

Well, I just know him from that one night.

You know, we were kind of drunk.

He might have slipped it in me.

Three men, one box.

It's not gay because we're all drunk.

All right, well, unfortunately, I got to go.

Okay, illegitimate hang-up plus $50,000 fine.

That sucks.

Yeah, it really does.

Yeah, we'll see who's laughing in court.

The cord of the hole.

That was an odd conversation.

He enjoyed it, though.

It did make his day nice, he said.

Yeah.

Bad, boring day.

All right.

Hey, guys, I got to go.

I got stuff I got to do.

It's getting late.

Daughters.

Thanks for letting me join in.

That was fun.

Okay.

See you later, Baz.

See you, Baz.

Later, guys.

Bye.

Thank you for calling.

Mahalo, Trevor.

It's Torian Papanoi.

we're never going to take a call at the moment

so do leave a message

do leave a message and do shut up

how about that

what time is it in New Zealand

is it late maybe that's why I don't even know

middle of the night probably

we never really call New Zealand much

I'm scoping

the main drag in Christchurch

ooh Christchurch Casino

let's do it

Or no, it's morning, because it's 8.24 in Sydney.

Ah, well, let's see if the casino's open.

I don't know if it's a 24-7 thing.

You have called the Crush H Casino after hours.

We are open Monday to Thursday from 11 a.m. to 3 a.m.

Oh, it's Saturday over there, right?

No, it's Friday over there.

Wait.

Oh, shit.

i was like fuck i gotta be there man because i'll fly back

hey you know what i'm real excited about so i was i was a little inebriated a few days ago

and i started really thinking about shit turbo i'm thinking okay you know this whole uh virgin

galactic thing yeah it's it seems that what the major goal is to make it uh eventually into a

successful uh intercontinental airline that's really fast they're trying to get it to the

point where it's safe enough where like you could fly from let's say new york to sydney australia

in a matter of hours you know and do so from a conventional airport which i think the implications

of that are freaking awesome like well i mean as it is it's like what a hundred grand to go up

yeah one of those uh virgin craft you haven't even done it yet by the end of the year we've

been promised right yeah first flight is going to be uh from that uh spaceport new mexico yeah

yeah yeah i grew up right by the space coast in florida so it's exciting to me oh yeah yeah

anyway i think that's going to be cool dude i would love to if it was affordable you know

know the implications of that that'd be so awesome for the spread of ideas and such i would risk like

a one in 50 or one in 100 chance of dying to go into space if it was affordable yeah and then land

in australia and chill in australia australia now like my in-laws went to australia last summer

and it was that was a whole day for them man like literally like you're flying from here on the east

east coast they had to fly all the way to la i think and then they did a hop in hawaii

or japan whatever it is it's you know what i mean it just depends on the airline and what

they got going on for their route but it takes forever that's what i do it in those really big

ass comfortable planes you know what what's what's the really cool uh airline out of australia

qantas qantas qantas right yeah yeah that's like one of those i gotta fly in that's that's the

a way to fly man these fucking american airlines suck like qantas and shit right like there's that

korean one that gets advertised a lot during yeah korean air yeah they have one ad though like back

a few years ago and it had some like high-pitched noise that just i don't know it it got to me

like went down my spine it really pissed me off every time it came on well they do they do weird

shots of eyes and stuff

and then they pull back and it's a woman

it's like a flight attendant laid down

all seductively like in a

oversized airplane window

it's

really fucking weird

they do seem to be implying that you know you get

full release flight

just come out and say

Korean Air our girls get full

release you know just have a picture

of a hot Korean girl to give them the

okay sign that's all they need

they make bag they could be the number one airline in the world the american airlines suck and there's

the kuwaiti one i hear is really good emirates right here they're good yeah yeah yeah yeah not

kuwaiti uh qatari i meant to say qatari is that how you say it qatari i think so yeah it's awesome

qatari it sounds like a cool um martial art qatari yeah qatari yeah yeah instead of karate

e qatari okay hell let's uh i think i got minutes to the uae we should do that fuck it what's what's

that town is uh what's the town oh shit what's the uae yeah dubai so it's dubai uae right

the fuck music is this geez oh wow here it is dubai all right let's call a hotel in dubai

fuck it why not the russian and denmark embassy those two are in bed together

i knew it it's that baltic connection i guess all right hotel dubai there's a hotel in that

big burge de burke or whatever the fuck it's called oh yeah it's gotta be cool it's probably

like five hotels in that motherfucker uh all right google's not really helping me out hotel

near dubai uae yes okay i don't like new google maps every time they change it here we go list

yeah the new interface sucks yeah it pisses me off yeah it's just gonna take getting you it's

It's got a learning curve.

All right, the Burj Al Arab, and that's in the Burj whatever that we're talking about,

the big spirally fucking building.

Yeah.

The biggest one in the world.

You niggas calling Lake Mary?

What?

You calling Lake Mary?

Lake Mary?

We're calling...

I was just on a phone call, and I looked down at my phone, and that's the China Walk, Lake

Mary Boulevard.

Oh, I don't know where that came from.

No, I didn't call China Walk.

No, it was a number I posted if you wanted it.

That's like 15 minutes for me.

Good morning.

Where should I be?

I can help you.

Yes, hello.

Is this the hotel that I'm staying at?

This is the hotel I'm staying at.

I'm sorry.

I'm trying to be more assertive.

Hello?

No problem, sir.

Yes, sir.

Good evening.

Listen, I need to get some of that cat.

I'm sorry.

You need to get some?

There's this stuff called cat that you cats got out here.

We're up here.

We got some pork sandwiches, and we're drinking alcohol in my room.

Okay.

And I put some marijuana in my asshole on my plane flight that I came here from the United States.

So we're doing drugs, and I got a bunch of married women up here that aren't my wife,

and we're kissing and touching and everything in the room.

Okay.

Is that a problem?

Of course, there's a problem with that one.

It's a drug theory.

It's illegal in Dubai.

Okay, well, forget about the drugs.

What about my mistress?

Your mistress?

Which way are you staying?

She's not my wife.

she's married to another man my wife is in the united states also and we're here we're having

sex and we're walking around we were kissing on the beach and everything hello and they were

giving us a hard time this guy came up to me said let me see your marriage papers he said and i said

shut up like that and i punched him anyway do you know what do you know where i can get some of that

cat it's that stuff you chew that the people which week are you staying sorry uh the big one i don't

know uh i think it's like 12 something 12 what i think it's 12 12 maybe 12 12 1202 1202 yeah you

got that one one moment hey hey can i have your name sir this is cross mr cross you're not gonna

find it in there it's a different name in there you hear me boy yes sir yeah i said you're not

gonna are you even where are you from i am from philippines sir oh god that's disgusting is it

Yeah.

My friend Andy, he's going to fuck this girl from the Philippines.

He's going over there to fuck her.

He's getting in a plane.

He's going to go fuck her.

Yeah.

Yeah, and then they're going to get married,

and he's going to bring her back to live with him in the United States for five years,

and she's going to give him a lot of money.

Her family is going to give him a lot of money.

And so?

And he gets to keep half the stuff, you know?

Afterwards, he gets to keep half.

Are you calling in Dubai, sir, or in the United States?

No, I'm in Dubai.

I'm in Dubai.

Because your line is not clear.

It's, like, very far from the...

Yeah, I'm calling on a satellite.

Like a queen.

Shut up.

I got a satellite phone, you know?

It's a satellite phone, so there's a delay, you know?

It has to transmit to the satellite up in space, and it comes back down.

It's got a delay, but I got great coverage.

All right.

Yeah, I'm on vacation.

All right.

I'm on a bachelor party.

We're having a lot of sex with married women, you know?

Okay.

Yeah, so do you know a place where I can go with married women to have dinner and not get in trouble?

I'm so sorry, sir.

I don't know some places, sir, in Dubai.

You don't know any places?

You just know a place in disgusting Philippines, right?

Mm-hmm.

In the piece of shit Philippines that smells like shit.

It's your opinion.

I respect that.

It's true.

It's a fact.

It's not an opinion.

It's a fact.

It's a fact, boy.

Yes.

Are you sure?

Do you have black hair, you little monkey?

Huh?

All people have black hair.

Yeah.

All you people have black hair.

You're dirty.

Your hair is always dirty.

You try to wash your hair and it never gets clean.

You want to speak to our duty manager if you want?

I can give you.

Does he have black hair, too?

Yes.

Yeah.

Like you do.

No, I don't.

I'm blonde.

I'm beautiful.

You're blonde and beautiful.

That's why you're an asshole.

Beautiful.

Hey, hey, hey, you little fucking peck peck bitch.

Wow.

A Filipino guy.

Yeah, there's a lot of Asians that work and build shit here, right?

That's what I heard.

Yeah, like all the underclass.

It's immigrants from, I don't know, Southeast Asia, India.

India, Bangladesh, yeah, Philippines, shit like that, yep.

Yep.

Yep, yep, yep.

Okay, here's another place, another hotel.

You guys want to do it?

Go ahead.

It's a hotel and spa.

Sure.

Okay.

Good morning, Arabian Courtyard Hotel and Spa.

This is Figma, is your call?

Hello, is this spa?

Sorry?

Is this hotel and spa?

Yes, this is Arabian Courtyard Hotel and Spa.

Yes, sir.

Okay, describe your spa facilities.

days immediately please which one sir all of them for the spa one minute the whole event is

the answer shortly hello is this spa is this spa bar i was told this was spa spa spa

put spa on phone i need a sauna with men big burly men with hard penises

This is the reception, sir.

You are calling the reception now.

Oh, this is reception?

Reception, yes.

Yes, I would like you to receive my penis and your anus.

How much?

How many dollars?

For what?

I need you to receive penis and your asshole.

Which apple, sir?

I didn't understand you, sir.

Asshole.

Anus.

Brown starfish.

Sir, you are calling where, sir?

You are calling to where?

I am calling gay man for gay sex. No?

This is Arabian Courtyard Hotel.

Yes. I am inquiring about your spa facilities.

About the spa?

Yes.

Yeah, spa, they are closed now, sir. You can call in the morning and they give you all the information.

Well, are you open?

Open, yeah, in the morning, sir. 10 o'clock.

No, no, you personally, are you open right now? Is your anus relaxed?

The hotel is open now, of course.

I'd like to give you a fist test before I book a room.

You give me what, sir?

A fist test.

Your voice is not clear, sir. You have a room on the phone. I cannot understand you.

No, no, no. I have the correct number. Hotel and Spa? No?

Sorry?

This is Hotel and Spa. Correct?

Correct, yes.

Okay. I am intrigued by Hotel and Spa, but first I need give you fist test.

You need video?

Have you ever heard of olive oil?

Sir, I cannot understand you. Your voice is...

Olive oil! Olive oil! Cooking oil! Oil! Grease!

Hello?

Grease! Olive oil! Lubricant! I will put lubricant on fist and test you.

Have you had erectile prolapse before, sir?

Hello? Can you put me on the phone with a monkey who speaks English, please?

Hello?

Hello. Do you speak English?

Hi. How can I help you?

Hi, I was, uh, inquiring about the hotel and spa.

Okay.

The last man I was speaking to got confused about the fist test.

About what?

The fist test.

You see, I'm American.

Uh-huh.

And I'm intrigued by your facilities.

Okay.

And you're inquiring about our hotel, right?

Yes, I'm inquiring about the hotel and the spa.

Spa. Really, you know, I just need a place to sleep. I'm more interested in the spa.

Are there other men in the spa?

Okay, for the spa, sir, our spa is already closed. That's until...

Yes, yes, yes. The last monkey explained that to me.

You do not have general questions about spa?

No.

Oh, okay. What about hotel?

Hotel? What you'd like to know about the hotel, sir?

Um, do the rooms have beds?

Rooms

Rooms have a bed? Definitely, we have.

Oh, okay, okay. Do rooms have toilet?

Definitely, sir.

Oh, okay. And, uh, can I cook my pasta in the toilet?

No.

It's not an electric toilet, then?

No.

It's a peanut monkey toilet.

Cooking is not allowed.

Oh, oh, okay. Well, how shall I eat, then?

Okay, we have a restaurant here.

oh okay does it serve

you know like I don't know

horrible desert creatures you know

you saute them and

maybe dissect them

and you know put some nice garnish

around them of course hello

hello

hello he's gone

he's gone

he was real dense wasn't he

he just wouldn't hang up yeah

oh there's a

Sheraton up there in the bird to buy

also that place has like four hotels in it man and just one building it's like an arcology you

know like sim city 2000 yeah the new sim city has an arcology too hey already how you doing man

all right just sitting the bong bro hey do you have internet yet at your house yeah i'm on my

laptop wow man you got a macbook right uh-huh good for you you get a ps4 dude you gotta hear

hear the story about my ps4 you pawned it no i left it in jersey thank you for calling four

point special attention speaking how may i help you oh hey honey baby how are you i'm good how

are you you're a fucking you're expensive is what it is i'm sorry you're expensive you're expensive

you know what i mean you cost a lot of money for me to talk to you it's 27 cents per minute

you're expensive so are we going to masturbate now because it costs so much because if i'm going

gonna be calling we have to masturbate if it's gonna cost 27 cents a minute you know okay it's

pretty expensive just for 25 cents a minute i can call the party line and jack off with the guy

pretending to be a woman okay sir please hold okay all right i'm hanging up because it is 27

cents a minute to call that place i don't know why yeah but uh that was pretty funny what i said

i think if you ask me phone sex yeah all right you guys have any requests for numbers or types

Types of numbers or anything like that?

You let me know?

I put one in there earlier.

Oh, the Chinese restaurant.

Oh, the one in Lake Mary.

Yeah, you called there a while ago.

Last time I was on and the guy got really angry at you.

Let me map it.

Oh, this one?

Yeah, okay.

I know exactly where this is.

Already, it's at 1792 and Lake Mary Boulevard.

You know where that Albertson's used to be?

No shit.

That's where my guy is.

Yeah, there you go.

This is the guy I did the orders to, right?

Yeah, he got really angry when I canceled them. All right. All right. I'll cancel one. Oh shit. My guy goes there

Yeah, like one general so chicken one general so chicken. Hello. Hey, I barely hear you

Could you call me bet one general so chicken fucking asshole? I don't know if he's playing games

No, you're you weren't coming in. What about now? Am I coming in? You're good

Yeah, I'd like to make an order please. Hello order. Hello. I'd like to make an order

Can I hear a pickup?

For pickup.

Okay, phone number?

702.

One second.

Okay, one second.

No water.

No, no, no.

Oh, they know the number.

They know the number on the ID.

That's what's going on.

Blacklist.

I don't know if they could hear you.

I don't know what was going on.

I had to take the mic out of my ear and put it right in my face, right in my mouth.

Yeah, it was weird.

you're fine now but as soon as you called it like went out only that's some shit okay uh

then moving right along here's the number from turbo turbo can you explain this please

i don't know it's a riding mower riding mower for sale thank you that's all i was looking for

riding more shit oh shit that's right i got numbers hi there are you selling the riding

mower yeah oh okay it's 20 horsepower so it can go pretty fast right well yeah like if you want

to run high gear it does yeah what's the top speed on that motherfucker i have no idea okay

because um i i got too many duis and i can't drive a car anymore so um yeah i want to drive

the mower around oh well i'm gonna tell you a little secret my partner my stepdad

faster than like walking that's that's all i need oh yeah hell yeah okay

Okay, excellent.

Yeah, you got a ticket.

You don't want to drive it on the lawnmower.

Aw, it's not funny, man.

I started drinking because my aunt died in 9-11.

Yeah.

Do you think that's funny?

Well, it is funny.

I drank since 1980, but I sure as hell won't quit.

Yes, sir.

It caused me a lot of headache.

Do you do any partying aside from the drinking?

Do I do any partying?

Yeah, because, you know, I'm looking for a hookup.

No, I don't want to do any of that shit.

Oh, okay.

But you have this mower, and that's the root of this conversation we're having.

$600?

Yeah, that's fine.

What?

$600 for a mower?

Yeah, I'll take five for it, though.

I want to have one person look at it.

Oh, what did he say?

And it's in real good shape.

He wanted it for $400.

I'm not even wasting your time.

Well, I mean, you know, the man looked at it, and he didn't purchase it.

So what's wrong with it?

Well, he wanted to give me $400.

I told him he'd waste his time.

Oh, so he was cheap.

Yeah.

I said, you might as well get going, partner.

No, I mean, I'll give you the full $600.

No, no.

Yeah.

I'll give you the full $600.

Yeah.

Well, come look at it.

Okay.

I'll give you a choice.

I'll give you the $500 straight up.

You know, I drive away on the mower.

We're both happy.

Or I'll give you the $600, and you give me your socks.

Give me what?

Like, you wear your socks for a day or two before I come over,

and then I give you the full 600 instead of the 500 if I can take your socks.

Oh, shit, you're nuts.

What's your shoe size, sir?

Hi?

What's your shoe size?

Size 10.

10?

Mm-hmm.

Are those some wide feet or some narrow feet?

Yeah.

And what kind of socks do you like to wear?

You know, like tube socks, you know, you get them at the Swap Me.

No, I've never worn tube socks.

Okay, so what kind of socks are you wearing, brah?

Well, I wear the ones that have a regular heel on them.

White socks with a regular heel, and they're great.

Okay, so you give me lawnmower and used socks for $600, correct?

And used socks?

Yes.

Give you some socks?

Well, I need some used socks from a man.

Can you describe the odor

of your socks?

No, they smell like shit

Okay, how about

$700 then?

You have to take the socks off

You're just taking up my time, man

No, no, I really want the mower

I told you

Well, go over and look at it

If you want it, drive it off

Well, I also want your socks

I ain't worried about the socks

What's the big deal?

What's your problem?

You're not going to take $200 for a pair of socks?

No, I'm not.

Well, why?

Did you have a bad experience with socks in the past?

I guess so.

I don't know why he doesn't see his old socks.

I just want your nice, stinky socks.

All right, I posted a shit ton of Swap Shop numbers here.

A rebuilt 460 board, .040.

What is that?

Any idea?

Is that a car machine, a gun?

I don't know what the fuck that is.

Well, he mentions, like, trucks, so it's probably an engine.

I don't know.

All right, I'm going to try it.

I'll just say machine.

Artie, you want to do a prank or not?

You've been quiet, bitch.

Hello?

Hey, you got a board machine, a rebuilt 460 board machine?

Hey, what?

You got a rebuilt 460 board machine?

Yeah.

Yeah, how many spaces you get in that motherfucker?

Hey, what?

How many spaces you get in that motherfucker?

motherfucker you don't know do you have the paperwork that came with that son of a bitch

the papers that came with that fucking shit you got the papers that came with that motherfucker

no so how did you rebuild it motherfucker oh you had your dad did it oh what's your dad's name

what's he do he's fucking his asshole right now what's he doing oh sounds like a method i'm not

gonna bother calling him and i guess he doesn't like money i guess not next on the list is big

Big Mary, who's selling a 220 electric heater.

Yeah, what's that?

What's a 220 machine?

220 volts?

I don't know.

It's like an oven.

Large sectional couch for sale.

Also seats six people.

Has three recliners from a smoke-free home.

Not in perfect shape.

It's got some stains, probably.

Let's ask about the funky stains.

How turbo?

Because we like buying furniture with stains on it.

We sniff it.

Sniff the stains.

Hello?

Yeah, you got some furniture there for sale, honey?

I'm sorry, what was that?

You got some furniture there for sale, honey?

Yeah, I do.

Oh, and no smoking in the house, so it doesn't have any smell of cigarettes in it, right?

No, it does not have any.

We don't smoke in the house, but now I do have dogs in the house.

Okay, great.

So all you have on it is natural smells from the family and the guests and your pets that sit on it, you know?

Yeah.

All right.

What kind of pets?

You have a dog?

Yeah, two dogs.

What kind of dogs?

uh short hair a malty poo and a um the other one is kind of like a she's kind of a pit bull mix

yeah so she's pretty big so she goes out she takes a big shit outside and she comes in and

sits on the couch later right do right now she goes outside you know to take a shit you take

her outside to go use the bathroom you make a shit and a piss and all that and then she'll come

inside and sit up on the couch you know sometimes that's happened a few times right after what are

Are you asking me if she wipes her ass on the couch?

No, if just after she takes a shit outside,

has she come inside and sat on the couch?

Yeah, she gets on the couch.

So it's gotten those nice smells on it then.

Yeah, me and Turbo, we like to smell it.

My friend Robert Turbo, we like to buy couches that other people have

and we sniff all the stains on it, you know.

So we wanted to come in and we're going to take a note of all the different stains

and possible marks on it.

depending on how fresh they are

and how nice they smell.

I'm going to put Turbo on the line.

Maybe he can upset you

because you're enjoying this too much.

Turbo?

Hi.

You're selling the stained couch?

Could you make some more stains on it?

You know, we could go up from 300.

We could go up from 300.

What kind of stains do you want on it?

Um, well...

I got some folks who want me to put them on there

so they can shit on it.

Now, hold on.

That's an ugly word you just said.

Okay, put feces on it.

How's that?

Yeah.

That's better.

Maybe they could piss on it.

Oh, urinate.

You like that word better?

Yeah, yeah.

That's better.

You like urinate?

Well, I was more interested in the stains you could make.

The stains I could make.

Yeah.

Have you ever heard of Dr. Baz?

No.

He's invented a transdermal patch that can make, like, any woman lactate within five minutes.

Wow.

What you like to do is come over and put the patch on you, and then you press your breasts

against the couch, and you make some milk stains, and then we have this special swab,

and we swab the stains, and we test for lactose, you know?

Uh-huh, yeah.

And then if you get 10 or better, you know, we give you 3,000 for the couch, not 300.

Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, that would be nice, wouldn't it?

I'm not in that kind of market.

Oh, okay.

Well, what kind of market are you in?

Yeah, well, actually, you know what?

I really don't have time to deal with you.

Have you ever watched pornography before?

Have you ever watched pornography?

No, I don't watch pornography.

You know, um, you know, photography.

Anyway, hey, listen.

You have a dry day and find somebody else to fuck with

because I don't have time to play.

Hey, hey, that's an ugly word.

That's an ugly word.

A nice steamy rated R scene.

Oh, damn.

All right.

I was just trying to get that out

I don't have time to fuck with

She enjoyed it up until the very end

When she said she didn't have time to fuck with

Cool

Next on the list

We have an Invicare electric wheelchair machine

We didn't even get to the table

Oh that's right

Did we ask about the heater?

I just did, no

Oh no

Did we lose Carlito?

What? No I'm here

Sorry I had you guys, I was on mute

because i was laughing before whoops sorry i was talking to you guys the whole time and i thought

you were replying okay an envicare electric wheelchair machine for sale here it is already

you want to call about electric wheelchair i feel bad you're not doing anything productive

already we lost him damn it shit okay fuck that here's a walker female for sale wait wait there's

a second number on that is there uh oh yeah okay and there's an or let me see i did the that one

Okay, and I can do that.

Copy that.

Hang on, give me a second.

Already there.

I reconnected.

Am I bouncing?

Yeah, I'm here.

I'm sorry.

I was away from the computer.

Oh, okay.

All right, well, welcome.

Did you want to do a prank?

Because you're not talking much.

I don't know if you're busy or not.

Yeah, I've been all over a little bit, but let me get high first.

All right.

I thought you already were.

Not really.

It's more.

Oh, okay.

All right, buddy.

And here's this.

Second number for the electric wheelchair.

Hello. Yes, you have a wheelchair, electric wheelchair machine?

Yes, I do.

Oh, that's good. And how long, how much was it used?

Excuse me?

How much was it used before?

We tried to get $500 for it.

No, how much was it used? How many, how long was it used for?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe a couple of months maybe.

Was it a woman or a man using it?

It was a female using it.

Oh, that's nice. You know, it gets some nice, did it get any nice stains on it?

Excuse me?

Did it get any nice stains, nice funky stains on it that we can smell?

No, sir.

She's super clean.

The seat ain't busted down or nothing.

Beautiful chair.

Oh, that's cool.

I'm looking for a chair with, like, nice funky stains on it, you know?

No, it's not nasty at all.

No, sir.

Oh, because we like to smell them, you know?

Me and Artie, we like to go smell them and kiss the chair.

Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

No, it's super clean.

Okay, so you got a Craftsman toolbox also, right?

Yes, I do.

No tools in it.

Just the box?

Yeah, just the box.

All right.

So do you think it's heavy enough for me to pick up and hit you on the side of your fucking stupid face with?

Excuse me?

Do you think it's not that heavy that I could pick it up and hit you on the side of your fucking stupid asshole face with it?

The toolbox?

Yeah, you should be able to pick it up.

It's not a heavy box.

Okay, and I'll throw it against your fucking stupid ass motherfucking monkey face.

What are you talking about, dude?

I'm going to throw the toolbox.

box i'm gonna pick it up and throw it at your face oh okay yeah well come around come around

and get it there okay all right i'll be right there in a little bit all right buddy all right

i'll be there okay asshole all right bye all right bye i could have probably gotten funny i almost

had to mute before i left see if he picks up this time when do you talk to him

you might curse and say bad things wait what is this what is it a dog or a walker

I don't even know.

A walker female for sale.

I don't know if that's a Walking Dead reference or something.

Four years, UK's.

Maybe, I don't know, a dog for walk.

I don't get it.

A walker.

I think it's a dog.

I've never heard of a walker breed.

Okay.

Tell them you want a walker because you got a broken ankle.

I don't know.

I'm using a walker now.

You want that?

Take it.

Sure.

Hi, you're selling the female walker?

I've already sold it.

What?

I've already sold her.

Oh.

What else are you selling, then?

Uh.

You selling that ratchet?

The what?

You got that ratchet snatch?

No.

Oh.

Well, I mean, you gotta be selling something, you know?

I got all this money, and I've just been burning it for heat.

You know, I'd rather spend it on, uh, products and goods and services.

My boyfriend has two dogs for sale.

Dogs?

Yeah, two dogs.

Okay, I would like the other dog, please.

He's got a red bone, he's got papers, and he's got an anguish and a walker neck.

Okay, describe the scent of the dog, please.

The scent of the dog?

Yes.

How old were they?

The walker and anguish is 16 months.

16 months?

Yeah, he's already started.

How many cubits is that?

How much are you going for?

How many cubits is 16 months, please?

What's 16 months?

Is it a racist dog?

I couldn't understand her.

God, she's just sitting there.

I think she's like chewing gum the whole time.

Dollywood tickets.

You guys ever been to Dollywood?

Nope.

No.

Someday.

That's for old white Christian people.

That's through Las Vegas.

All right.

I'm going to call, but I want a sexual party.

Is that the same as Pigeon Forge

Or are those different places

You never heard of Pigeon Forge

I've never heard of Pigeon Forge

Look it up it's a big business man

In the conservative

Wait what

What's the email on this

It's really funny

Packnut at CenturyLink

That

What the fuck

I'm trying the second number now.

I just can't give out email addresses like that.

Stupid, Carlos.

God.

I got more of these numbers.

Don't worry.

Hello?

Hey, you got those Dollywood tickets, honey?

Pardon?

You got those Dollywood tickets, honey?

Hold on just a second.

All right, honey baby.

Yeah, how are you doing, honey baby?

Do you have those Dollywood tickets still?

Yeah.

Me and my friends, we're going to have a...

I'm getting married, you know,

So we're going to have a bachelor party at Dollywood.

We're going to have, like, a one last get-together gig kind of thing.

We used to, you know, do poppers a lot and go to bathhouses.

That's where we all met.

But we all became straight, motherfucker, you know?

We're straight now.

Who the hell is this?

Oh, this is Cross.

So I want to go to Dollywood, and I'm going to have sex with my...

You don't call him and poke that way.

I'm going to fuck him.

What the hell?

Was she streaming in the background?

calling again weird sex parties yeah hey what happened i got disconnected i was talking to uh

that handsome man you were talking to my husband calling him a motherfucker well no no no that was

a miss that was something else completely listen i was calling because i'm trying to we're gonna

have this kind of get together you know and we needed that for uh for us we're gonna get together

you know you know what i mean we're gonna get together and we're gonna go to dollywood we got

plenty of tickets already we just need the tickets to dollywood okay and we're gay you just need you

just need one ticket no we need all three because we're gonna go we're gonna be fucking and stuff

because we used to mess around a lot back in high school yeah i get what you're saying we

have three tickets for sale for all three for 125 dollars yeah so before i get married that we're

gonna fuck one we got one last circle jerk and we're gonna fuck each other and all that

But here, Robert Turbaugh, I can tell you.

Mr. Turbaugh, I will tell you.

If you ever call this number again, I will call the law on you.

Settle down.

Please don't talk to me.

What's wrong?

No, no, no, no.

Sorry, sorry.

My friend has a disease.

He didn't mean that.

You know, just calm down.

You know, we can work this out.

So you're selling these tickets?

You don't need to call this number back.

If you call back, I will call you back.

Hey, hey, hey, settle down.

I just want to buy these tickets.

So you want $375.

Oh, no, you want $125.

$125 for all three.

Yeah, I have three tickets for $125.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, that's a good deal.

We're going to fuck after that.

So why are they so cheap?

What's wrong with them?

There's nothing wrong with them.

We're saving cash.

Hey, hey, just settle down.

What's wrong?

What's wrong? What's wrong, baby?

That garbage that's in the background, what are you calling?

What a bitch.

I'm calling from my telephone. It's a cellular telephone. It's a flip phone.

Bitch.

I got it from the man.

What? You're calling me a bitch.

Well, what are you talking about?

Bitch.

That guy in the background is calling a bitch.

Bitch.

I don't know. Maybe that's on your end. I don't hear anything.

If you call this number back, I will call the sheriff's department and give this number back.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's wrong? What's wrong?

i don't hear anything what are you talking about oh shit uh that was fun

did i post those numbers yet no here we go all right i posted some more uh an electric box for

sale great for a mobile home also has wait wait light up leashes what the fuck is a light up leash

that sounds kind of cool that'd be cool if i was at a rave party i put my girlfriend on it like

here bitch you're mine a single shot 410 that's a gun machine or a marijuana pipe and also an

electric wire an electric wire i have extra electric wire this is shady as fuck why do you

have those four things together right isn't that kind of big warning flag an electric box a light

up leash a single shot i guessing a shotgun i don't know and an extra and a bit of extra electric

electric wire. MacGyver could

take over the world with that right there.

Did BlackBerry buy the WhatsApp

company? Is that for real?

Facebook bought it.

I'm not available.

What happened?

Facebook bought it for $19 billion.

Yeah, and I've never heard of it before.

They bought WhatsApp?

What's going on with that?

Are you serious?

Yeah.

It's a great messaging tool.

All my family in Puerto Rico is on it,

so I'm on it so I can talk to them.

That's all they use is that WhatsApp.

It's like a text message style messaging app.

Is it called Viber?

No, I think that's a different one.

There's a whole bunch of them.

It's only been around for like three years, I think,

and they bought it for $19 billion.

So you're saying Facebook acquired them for $19 billion.

Is it bigger like outside of the U.S. or something?

No.

Actually, the Conus.

Sorry.

It's really big on iPhone.

I know that.

And then the Android client came out maybe about two years ago,

after about a year that it was out.

I think that's how it worked out.

Anyway, go ahead.

Sorry, guys, we were talking.

Enigma, were you saying something?

No, I was just saying they were a pretty big app.

They were competing with a couple of big companies.

Yeah, with Apple, FaceTime, and all that stuff.

All right.

For sale or trade, 19 cubic feet fridge.

What can we trade for a 19 cubic foot fridge?

Also, kitchen cabinets, mostly tops, electric hot water heater.

What's right on for the fridge?

There you go.

Or pictures of your naked wife.

Is this the fridge?

Yes.

What kind?

I don't know.

It doesn't say.

19 cubic feet.

All right.

Instead of that, we have someone looking for a...

Your phone has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

4, 2, 3.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Look at that email.

I don't like that.

Po, po, po, po, 3.

answer probably for the best here's an exercise bike for 30 or best offer and they got some cat

machines what that's kind of random come on five strang looking to buy float trays the type used

for starting tobacco and water beds what like girl weed you're talking about okay all right here we

go someone's looking for marijuana growing parts your call has been forwarded to an automatic boy

Also looking for canvas or a frost blanket.

Yeah, okay.

Oh, wait, I got the wrong one.

Hang on.

Yeah, this is a cat machine again.

We'll see who answers first.

These are three days old.

That's why they're not picking up.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

You have axles for the wagon?

Yes.

Yeah, I was on the Oregon Trail, and we broke some axles,

so we needed to get some replacements because I don't want my wife to die of dysentery.

Yeah.

Yeah, how much are your axles?

But everything, I was asking $50, an axle attached to the whole front end part where your tongue goes in, and then two extra axles, and I was asking $50 for all of it.

Yeah, but listen, I don't, can we, can you help me out?

Look, we're just, we're poor, we're traveling out west on the wagon, and we only came with one extra axle.

that's all we brought uh from the east where we live you know i remember the horse draw wagon we

got attacked by indians once already and i had to catch some uh rabbits and stuff i was outside

shooting and i caught some rabbits right and then my one son got dysentery and he died so my daughter

is getting sick i don't want her to get you know die so we broke another axle in the desert so i

I wanted to get a new axle.

Can I do anything to get that axle for my wagon?

Yeah, whereabouts are you located at?

I'm on the Oregon Trail.

You're way out west?

On the Oregon Trail, yeah.

How would you get the axle?

I mean, would you come here and get it?

Well, we'll send a search party over there.

We'll take two of the horses and go get it in town.

Okay.

I tell you what, if you're just needing one axle and you want to look me up,

I'll give it to you.

All right.

Thank you.

God bless you.

Okay.

All right.

Uh-huh.

All right.

Do you know which of these mushrooms that grow out here are good and which ones are bad?

No, I don't.

I only hunted one mushroom, and it don't come up until, like, May, April or May.

That's the one that really fucks you up, right?

Yeah.

And we call them dry land fish.

Yeah.

But they're a little mushroom that sort of looks like an upside-down umbrella

that's part of the way it opened up.

Okay, and you drink it in tea, and you get really high,

and you get fucked up, right?

No, no, these don't.

These are eatable.

I mean, we fry these up and eat them.

Yeah, but they have that shit in them that gets you high and fucked up, you know?

You're, like, seeing your mom who died and all that shit.

No, not these.

They don't.

I'll see my kid that died of dysentery and shit.

He'll be like, whoa, you let me, you made me die.

And I'll be like, you're not real.

You're not real.

And I'll throw a motorcycle helmet at the wall.

Yeah.

Yeah, I've heard of them mushrooms, but that ain't what we hunt around here.

All right.

I'm going to put Artie on the line.

He knows all about drugs.

Artie.

Hey, man.

What do you need?

Hi.

You said you had some mushrooms, baby?

I ain't got no mushrooms.

Come on, man.

I want to see you in the corns.

I want to see unicorns

we don't have no unicorns

and I want to see like

mythical creatures

I think you're lying

I think I need to say right now

have you ever seen a griffin

it's half lion half cat

no I don't lie

and I'm not

I'm seeing

I took one of these mushrooms and I saw

the griffin he came down

half lion half cat

that makes no sense

it's half eagle half lion

half lion half cat

I like half lion

half cat better

I got mixed with horsey cat there

that's why

I'm used to saying half horse half cat

when explaining the horsey cat concept to

people we're calling

okay that was good that was fun

good work already talking about drugs

so does anybody know that

salt water doesn't freeze

it can in a deep freezer

You can't put it in the freezer

At a lower temperature

It depends on how much salt

The salinity

In a deep freezer you can

I put some in the freezer

And I got it frozen

And I put it in my bong

Salt water?

Yeah it's like super cold

So it chills the head

Oh okay

That's pretty fucking smart actually

So you know exactly when it's at its peak

It's peak coldness

There you go

Good luck with that.

A queen-size

matelace bedspread with

two matching shams. What's a sham?

Is that the thing that goes on the bottom?

The things that hang down?

It's like the pillowcases

with the fringe on them, right?

You know the piece that covers

the under-the-bed part? That's for women

and if you're married. If you're a guy

and you live alone or with roommates

and shit and you have one of those things,

a bed skirt, you really need to

fucking think about, are you

you a gay and that's okay to be gay but be honest if you're a gay be honest i have a fucking mattress

on the floor let us know and warn us so that we know to wear gloves when we shake your hands and

all that kind of stuff hello this is kathy please leave me a message kathy all right we'll bounce

her again did i not paste any more numbers we're gonna burn through them yeah because there were

all no answers right okay well i must prepare more numbers uh whilst uh how am i gonna do this

exactly hang on didn't want to take another break oh here's a request to prank we can try that

this guy's a skating instructor owns a stride envy and he is a huge dick you hear that his

name is adam stride envy i have no idea what that is maybe that's a skating thing sounds good

sounds good can one of you take this please so i can prepare something on the side

i just came up with something or already guess yeah you already escaped not for this call but

on another call okay i'm not taking it okay hello this is adam hi this is dried envy yes yeah um

you can teach me how to skate right oh excellent because uh you know i got this bully and he's like

you know you can't skate you know i'm i'm gonna beat you up who's this oh this is robert terbois

i need to learn how to skate please so how many monies you're calling from oh i'm calling from

I just moved out here from my cell phone.

I just moved out here from Oregon.

Oh, you just moved out here to Oregon?

Yeah.

I took the Oregon Trail.

Oh, okay.

Well, uh...

What's that noise?

What's that noise back there?

What's that?

What's that noise?

What noise?

There are people shouting and hollering and yelling.

You know, are they okay?

Are you okay?

Hello?

He's gone.

Asshole.

Yep.

Sorry, buddy, but he's gone.

on i see a number here about someone who's selling a beretta how well i don't know whether

this place is closed or not okay but adventures and comics and computer repair center oh yeah

big soddy yeah the comic book uh guy from when i grew up the city i grew up in i have the number

ready if you want it yeah post it in there let's give soddy a call i was just thinking about him

a fucking guy i started reading i downloaded a bunch of comic books and i started reading them

and I was remembering when I was young,

I'd go hang out at Soddy's and play Magic the Gathering

and buy my Superman comic books.

Yeah, good times.

X-Men, too?

I like X-Men.

All right, did you post it?

Yeah.

Okay, but let me do this first.

Anyway, Jesse's selling a Beretta, okay,

and it says can send pictures,

so I'm going to call and ask how the Beretta can send pictures.

That's awesome.

It's an awesome upgrade.

You can send pictures of what you're shooting.

That's really cool as you're shooting them.

Huh?

huh hey big jesse how are you good how are you good honey baby listen you got the uh beretta

for sale yes you said can send pictures right yes yeah so how how is how can you send pictures

with the gun that's also you can take a picture what you're shooting well how did you get that

on there that's awesome um i can send it uh text or email yeah that's really cool so the gun will

text or email a picture of what you're shooting oh no i'm sorry um i just meant that i could

that's amazing in this picture of of the air gun yeah so yeah the air gun will send the picture

that's really cool i want to make a youtube video you know and i'm out there and i'm like

like that you know and the cameras with the behind the bullet and i can slow it down like

like the matrix you know oh no it it's nothing like that i meant that i can send you a picture

of it oh yeah i know exactly it'll send a picture of it excellent yes and so well how does this send

email do you use uh smtp for outgoing email or imap what are you using um can i text it to you or

sms does it do sms or mms uh i'm not for sure actually i'm sorry so you have do you have to

get a wireless plan for the gun itself so it has it has like a sim card in it and all that oh no

i'm i can send a picture from my phone of the air gun the air gun is there is there a man is there

a man i can talk to i know you don't understand guns and how they work and electronics can i talk

talk to a man honey i think that's why you're not understanding me i'm not trying to offend you

honey it's just you know it's more like man business kind of stuff and maybe a man could

understand a little better are you there hey sweetie all right just dead air dead air guys

dead air nothing more dead air big confusion even trying to get the uh outgoing mail protocol down

the the police need to get these guns that take pictures when you shoot you know because they're

i heard they're putting pictures up on uh twitter and everything you know what's that other one

what's the one that the kids use instagram yeah they're instagramming their shooting victims

they put under it says like yeah motherfucker like that yeah i would have gone that route but

that's i don't want to talk about that kind of shit shit damn it yeah looking to rent or rent

to own at least a two-bedroom home oh yeah soddy never mind never mind thank you uh where's the

the number did you post it he put it in the last chat in the last oh okay thank you yeah still got

it already you dumb dumb you put in the wrong one i got it though fear not i'm used to putting

it in the wrong one you put in the wrong hole yeah happens here we go saudi garcia we're gonna

do a machine go if he picks up you know please leave your message for three eight six five three

Three, two, zero.

Try them in them again.

Has he answered that number for you already in the past?

Not in, I haven't called in like two years.

Shit.

I can get the street beat from the real Eddie Garcia.

I can have him swing by and see.

Or you can.

Fucker, you're right there.

You're in DeBerry.

I'll drive over there tonight.

Well, tomorrow.

Do you know where it's at?

I can figure it out.

It's, uh, where is it?

Tivoli in Normandy, I think?

Providence.

I don't know.

I don't remember that fucking place.

that's a long time ago now i live in the north right by the way walk on ice when am i coming

down uh possibly in the summer i might be going on a cruise so i might stay in orlando for a day

or two and then right out out of port canaveral that's a possible if i heal up in time where they

say i'm good to walk around and shit because it's going to be a lot of walking and right now

i'm probably going to be walking with a cane like for a long time they have told me i'm going to

to be like biggie smalls walking around with a cane after he got into that car accident right

before he died it's gonna i'm gonna do it good i'm gonna i'm gonna call you biggie now yeah i'm

gonna it's gonna i'm gonna make it look good if i gotta use a cane for a year i'm gonna make it

look good motherfucker i just don't want one of those canes you know those metal ones with the

four little feet on it you know in the square i don't i'm not looking for that i want to have

the nice cool man's cane yeah like the old man you should get a sword cane and get those little

little tennis balls on the end yeah i want to get something on the tip you know so i can like

hit a you know turn it and it's like a little blade you can put a little bit of polonium on it

and you stab one of those gun canes you can stab people polonium what he could do what stabbing

cane what'd you say yeah like james bond james bond cane okay enough cane talk my daughter is

looking for a set of bunk bed and a twin

size bed. Yeah.

You know why? They're having a bunk

bed party. You know what I mean? I'm gonna

accuse her of that. Hello? Yeah, your

daughter's looking for bunk

beds. Yeah. Yeah, so

are you guys having a bunk bed party?

You know? We give out

bunk beds for bunk bed parties.

Oh, come on. Really? Was it

creepy? Is that why? What the fuck? No,

you didn't say anything. She's just

a bitch. She just said bunk bed party.

I was just trying to be nice. Why are they hanging up on me

me like that please enjoy your call has been forwarded to an obvious reach your call has been

forwarded to it damn it i really want to talk to those people now with the number with the number

that rings like that uh they did they they did leave three additional numbers though some very

christian just a hunch you guys don't know christian yeah sure you're a catholic it doesn't

count you're like a jew i actually think i'm doing you look like you do you do you stood 9 11 all

All right, here's the third number listed for these people,

all these Christian good people.

Why do they have so many numbers?

I don't know.

It's really fucking shady.

None of them work either, huh?

You know?

What a waste.

What a waste of resources.

4, 2, 3, 3, 9, 3.

No answer there.

Here, this is from Nunu, an Indian restaurant in the United Kingdom

which received a 0 out of 5 on their last health inspection.

Yeah.

You talking?

Hey, boy, how are you?

Hello?

Hey, boy.

Hello?

Hey, I want to make an order.

Sorry?

I want to make an order.

Order?

Are you coming to collect this, sir?

Yeah, I'm going to collect it.

Okay, what name would it be under?

Cross.

The name is Cross.

I need your contact number.

423-836-1574.

Sorry?

1574.

1574?

Yeah.

Okay, and what name was it again?

Cross.

and do you know where we are sir yes sorry yes yeah well do you know where he's there yes you're

near the hotel yes no not near the hotel well we're in the area please just take the order i

command you okay what cross is it which hotel are you from sir from the sheraton the big one sheriff

yeah there's no the hotel machine no no the number you've which you you've uh phoning from

so it's not coming up you see yeah because i'm calling from my cell phone it's american phone

it's not going to come up you silly look there's three of us here i'm hanging out with some of my

mates they're near you and they said they said this is where they order food from all the time

we're going to go pick it up i mean geez the problem hello look just take the order i'm

gonna we're gonna come pick it up we're going out okay god i mean you're you you are not giving the

the right hotel name i'm not at the hotel now i'm hanging out with my buddies that live here

you understand we're friends on the internet we play star trek online together and there's a

convention okay i'm god now do you i gotta tell you everything and i woke up today at eight o'clock

in the morning and i had some ramen noodles and i took a shower and then i took a shit and i had

to take another shower after that what else you need to know well which place are you phoning

do you know sarga indian restaurant i have your menu here i'm looking at it my buddy that lives

here says he orders from you guys all the time and we're gonna go and order the food and pick

it up and we're coming back to the house now take the order yay why are you swearing then

why why are you swearing i'm not you are you just said yes okay i'll take you whether what

name work was it again cross is my name okay that's fine well what would you like all right

Alright, one Bhenchod.

Sorry?

One Bhenchod.

No, I think you got the wrong number, mate.

We have one Materchud.

We got the wrong number.

You motherfucker, you.

Yeah.

Fucking asshole.

You're an asshole as well.

You're a bitch.

I'll go slap you right in that big silly face of yours.

Yeah, calm down, mate.

Calm down.

I'll be waiting for you.

I'm going to rip the cash register and throw it in the bathroom.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, I'm going to rip it out.

I'm not even going to steal it.

I'm just going to throw it in the bathroom.

Be like, ah, motherfucker, like that.

Alright.

so many questions i'm not remembering jdf flipping ambulances this shit was

jason david frick just flipping so it was he flipping him by like rocking him back and forth

like in a riot or was he driving him and causing him to flip on purpose what what what was what

did he mean by flipping that an ambulance any idea turbo enigma not really sure i assume you know

with his bare hands i imagine he was rocking it back and forth until it flipped right right right

you know they have a high center of gravity yeah because he could also just be getting in it and

like all right hang on motherfucker you know and just like uh start doing donuts and cause it to

flip and then like run out of it you know like into like just come out of it and run out right

out two wheels and flip it yeah just take a quarter really really sharp and it goes over a

bridge he jumps out that'd be an awesome movie it should star jason david frank as the man who

does not tap no no he's busy with his reality show the man who does not tap oh god okay good

times okay how about more pranks i can do about 10 more minutes then i gotta start cooking dinner

like the nice woman i am sure i'm down someone's looking to buy a small dependable car prefers my

my dinner woman prefers an automatic you be quiet i know where your dinner is at burger

cane that's where you're going to be going any second now aren't you no i'm going to go to chick

fil a oh okay all right if anyone has one or knows of any for sale please give me a call again a car

small dependable car and she has a female chinchilla for sale while she's at it probably

has uh shoulder pads you know hello yeah hi you put an ad for an automatic car under three thousand

you said text only though right well i couldn't hear you cut out what you said text only yeah

why because most times my calling doesn't work oh well i do what i do what i want

sorry i keep interrupting it tends to cut out a lot so i think it's easier to text

i do what i want when i want though you know well that's fine okay so it's eighteen hundred dollars

What kind of car is it?

It's a car machine.

I wouldn't call it a car.

It's a car machine.

It's a Honda car machine.

I don't know what that is.

It's a Honda car machine, yeah.

$1,800.

You can sit in it.

The problem is because you're a woman, you have to be more careful because you guys don't drive as well.

If you're going to prank call me.

I think you need to shut the fuck up and hang out.

You sound fucking hot, though.

You sound hot when you're angry.

You really sound sexy when you're pissed off.

She does, don't she?

That's fucking...

after, you know, she was done being angry with me.

Right, Artie?

Yeah.

All right, I found the last one of the night.

Hi, this is Artie.

I'll leave your number, and I'll get back to you eventually.

Hi.

Anyway, Joseph is looking for an old barn.

Hey, boy, how are you?

Hello.

Hey, boy, you're looking for some old barns to tear down and whatnot?

Oh, yes, sir.

Yes.

I got a goddamn barn here, and what we're doing, we're going bankrupt, you know?

know so we rounded up our five horses we got three uh pigs um as many of the chickens as we could get

and we corralled them in there with uh the two cows the milk cows the dairy cows yeah we put

them in the barn and we're going to burn it down uh for insurance purposes so did you instead of

tearing it down we'll pay you if you come help us out you know put in the gasoline and the hay

strategically you know yeah true and then we're gonna we're gonna burn down the barn um i don't

know do you have can you make a torch you know like a big stick and put like what can you make

like a big torch that you can hold a torch yeah on a big stick and then we will throw them all up

at the at the right time they count we'll light the cross we're gonna light the cross and then

we're gonna throw all the um torches at the barn and it should light oh yeah if it's drenched in

gasoline right and then yeah and then we're gonna call the um insurance company we're gonna say that

the ku klux klan came and they did it and they burned across and they burned the barn down with

all the animals and we're gonna claim the money oh he's gone okay pussy right the clan right guys

right i broke a prank call rule right there that was a crime that i just said i hate crime and

that's not funny i didn't hear anything so if you guys didn't figure i probably won't do a show

show tonight i highly doubt it oh shit damn it i would invite turbo or anybody else to do a show

tonight but i did my thing tonight yeah i might do one all right if you don't see what's up okay

if you don't i will uh replay this or something i don't know i'll do something okay all right

bye turbo by uh arty and by enigma see you guys later thanks for having me on bye all right bye

horses damn and shit damn and shit indeed all right everybody i am done that's been my

my little afternoon thing for today i hope you enjoyed it thanks to nunu for sending in a number

turbo sent in a number no one else that did thank you and i'll see you later

Calls (38, 1 h 45 min of 2 h 30 min)

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