You Bloody Sod!

Mr. Watson, would you come in here, please?

I want to see you.

It works.

Dr. Bell, it works.

What are you going to call him, Dr. Bell?

I shall call it the telephone.

Telephone?

You just sod off and disappear.

Don't you dare phone this number again.

You American bastard.

Fucking asshole.

Fucking get off the lawn, you little monkey.

You bastard.

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

We're shooting dot matrix printers tonight on Madhouse Radio.

Thanks for tuning in.

I'm Carlito, the host of the show.

Big Ken Dwight, whatever he's called these days, will be joining us.

If he's not here back already.

You back, boy?

Yeah, you're doing your sumthang, bitches.

Yeah, boy.

How do I sound?

Do I sound good?

I got a new microphone thing.

On my end, anyway, in Skype, it sounds really loud and distorted.

I don't know how it is on the stream.

Oh, man.

oh yeah what about now any better i've better better uh still still a lot of distortion still

a lot of distortion but it's better all right well they said it sounds good on the stream uh

so i can put up with it so whatever well you can but the people i call my sons of bitches

sons of bitches exactly oh my god i can adjust the setting it's a new microphone and the settings

might be a little off still oh yeah i think i can turn it down let me try this might help out does

Does that help any?

Any better yet?

Yeah, that's actually pretty good.

All right.

All right, I'll save that setting.

There we go.

We're good.

All right, new microphone, check.

Let's see how it pulls up during calls.

Anyway, I'm Carlito, madhouselive.com is the website.

Be sure to go over there.

In a few seconds, we'll be playing Ken's favorite song,

which is, what is your favorite song on Madhouse?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, man.

It's coming up in about 20 second machines.

machines i'm so excited about that uh and then and then we'll uh continue of course we're not

going to play the whole song but i'll do prank call send your request over at madhouse live.com

that's the place to do that at thank you for all those who do that ahead of time because i don't

get a chance to thank most of you if you send that thank you all right and we got quite a few

of those requests to pranks there um i might have some voicemails in the grab bag which are the

the results of a show that i did yesterday was it yesterday morning yesterday did i do a show in the

afternoon uh yeah yesterday afternoon okay yeah that's not up on the podcast yet but the other

episodes are thanks to tabachi for editing those ken how's your week going you ready for a big

weekend and eat some ham no no no ham maybe get some pussy all right maybe make lasagna you like

lasagna you're married right i know you have a kid and that doesn't mean you're not i got a kid

not married well you're not married but you got a kid well no making lasagna is uh too strenuous

so i'll probably just make some bullshit spaghetti you can always buy a frozen too

because you're a single uh bachelor man there you go but i gotta have a coupon so i can lie to him

you're gonna show up with a kfc coupon for three piece meal and you're gonna be like well

i could use it i could use it on the lasagna this is a good coupon that'll work if you get a black

register girl i'm just saying i'm not trying to bribe her with a coupon here you go baby

that's horrible why would you say that all right uh here's a number for daniel he has some wolf

hybrid timberwolf puppies that sounds scary and dangerous the mother is a wolf hybrid ukc

registered you can't be a ukc registered wolf can you i do not know i've never seen a wolf at the

the four i know i know that the westminster whatever bullshit they have on they always

talk about oh they're descendants of the wolf but they never have an actual wolf yeah you can't

that'd be funny because the wolf probably kill everybody or a fox you know you get a fox in there

it would sure make that show a lot more interesting i will they need to do that to boost up the

ratings like a boost ea yeah all right so let's call them if i can get skype to work here we go

call phones. Thank you for cooperating, Skype.

Ba-doo, ba-doo, ba-doo. Lasagna.

Ken, lasagna.

Get some balsagna, too. That's good.

Garlic bread.

You got them Wolf machines?

Yes, sir.

How are they AKC registered?

Wolf isn't in the AKC. I've never seen it

before.

I have.

I'm very upset.

I'll excuse you this time.

What about your stupid

wife? What happened?

She's a hybrid wolf.

it's what my dog is the female yeah the one that had the puppies she's wolf hybrid so you took

that's all it says on her papers uh uh the other one that i bred to was a timber wolf yeah so you

his dog was uh you got papers then on his dog no but uh it wouldn't sounds like a

My wife said that it wouldn't be hard to get papers on the dogs.

It sounds like it's probably bullshit.

It sounds like a bullshit, you know?

I can't understand you, sir.

Bullshit, you know?

Bullshit.

Yeah, I know what you're saying, man.

Yeah, that's you.

No, what are you talking about, though?

Your wolf hybrid stupid shit.

Yeah, I know.

Okay.

No, they're wolf hybrid and...

Yeah, but it sounds like a piece of shit.

It's a piece of shit you're giving me.

Thank you for holding her.

All representatives are still assisting other callers.

Please continue to hold...

I've got all kinds of people calling me about these dogs, buddy,

and if you don't talk to me like that, you can just hang your phone up.

Don't call me no more.

I can call back and get the info.

I don't need nobody calling me on my phone and talking nasty to me like that.

I'm sorry.

I don't need nobody calling me and telling me that I'm a bullshitter

because, hey, I ain't no damn liar, and I don't bullshit people.

You're a motherfucker.

I tell the truth, buddy.

And if I can't tell you the truth, I damn sure ain't going to lie to you about myself.

Are you a motherfucker, then?

If you don't believe me, ask the good Lord about this fella.

Okay.

That's the way I am.

Ask him about what?

If you want to know about me, go ask the good Lord about me.

I stopped paying attention a few seconds ago.

What happened again?

What were you talking about?

If you want to buy one of my dogs, you're more than welcome to.

Okay.

But I ain't going to sit here and question or argue with you, okay?

No, okay.

I'm sorry.

No more argument.

i'm sorry i'll be respectful okay if you won't buy one of my dogs you're more welcome but i'm

not gonna say it's not really sure okay no no i'm sorry about that all right no there's no

nonsense in that okay so about i'm sorry for this about 1500 then for a puppy i don't know

where you hear that well i want the better one out of all of them i want the better one because

that's someone i'm gonna masturbate i'm gonna molest him and masturbate him uh you you're

You're crazy, man.

What are you talking about?

I want a real powerful animal to masturbate, like a wolf, you know?

You're crazy, dude.

Well, no.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, I need to get his strength.

I need to get his strength in me, you know?

That was my plan.

I want to get the wolf spirit in me.

He won't pick up a second time, Dwight.

I don't think so.

That fucking guy.

I want to drink the wolf semen so I can become a werewolf.

Yeah, I'm a furry, so I'm trying to make it.

You ask the good Lord about me.

I just talked to him.

He said you're a piece of shit.

Hey, buddy.

Yeah.

You have a wolf hybrid timber wolf puppy for sale?

Yeah, is this the same man I just talked to?

No, I don't think so.

I haven't called you yet.

I called a few people, not you.

You sound like the same fella.

No.

Never called you yet.

I called about a washing machine and some appliances a few minutes ago,

and then I called you.

I called someone else.

I called Larvey.

Do you know Larvey?

Was I talking to you there?

Hello.

What's the secret?

Hey.

Hey, buddy.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm here.

All right.

What can you tell me about these wolves?

My wolf is a wolf hybrid.

Yeah.

And the wolf I bred her with was the male, and he's a timber wolf slash Siberian husky.

Oh, wow.

I don't know how much Siberian husky I ate, but it might not have been too much.

So he's Timberwolf, Siberian Husky, and he's the male, and he fucked the female.

You put them together, and they had sex.

They nodded together and everything.

Yeah, they nodded up.

They nodded up.

She got pregnant by that time, yeah.

He ejaculated in her and everything?

They got pregnant for about, I mean, they nodded up twice.

They nodded up.

They nodded up twice.

How many times do you think he ejaculated?

I don't.

I mean, he knotted up in her, man, twice.

It don't make no difference.

That dog knotted up in my dog.

I mean, that don't make no difference.

As long as that dog knotted up in my dog.

If he ejaculated.

And I know this.

If he ejaculated.

And there was five or six people standing around.

If you won't buy one of my dogs, you can buy one of them.

If you don't want to buy one of my dogs, you don't have to.

If he ejaculated.

I'm getting caught up in the wrong bullshit with you.

I'm talking to somebody else about the same thing on another phone here with my wife.

Okay, listen.

And I need to be talking to somebody here.

Can I explain?

Or I don't want to talk to somebody that's going to bullshit with me.

Can I explain?

If you want one, there's some talk in here and don't do, or get off my phone.

Can I explain why I said that?

I believe I've talked to you a while ago, man.

Can I explain?

You're trying to do not talk to a man, but let's do some explaining real fast here, or get off my phone.

Okay, can I explain, please?

The reason I'm asking is because depending on how many times he did, the puppies could be more Timberwolf than regular wolf.

Because if he ejaculated three times in her, then they could be more like three-quarters Timberwolf instead of just half, you know?

Because there was more sperms in there.

That's what I figure.

I study animal husbandry.

Well.

Yeah.

All I know is that he gnawed it up in my dog twice.

Let's say about 20 minutes both times.

Yeah, so he filled her up really good with lots of cum, right?

Lots of wolf cum, wolf semen.

Yeah, it's hot.

I like that.

That's the first time she's ever been fed, as far as I know, by a wolf.

Yeah, there was the one time with you, right?

Is that why you say that?

Yeah, she was three years old the first time.

With you?

And it was by a different kind of dog.

Oh, I thought it was by you, sir.

No, she was already pregnant when I got her the first time.

Oh, so you couldn't do anything with her?

No, the only thing I could have done was kill the thing this year or something like that,

and I don't believe in doing stuff like that.

Oh, good, good.

Okay.

I just let it go through and deal with it when it happens.

Yeah, okay, that's good.

Right.

All right, what about your wife?

What breed is she?

What?

What breed is your wife?

I don't think that's none of your business, dude.

Well, is your wife a dog also?

What?

Your wife is a dog also, right?

Dude, I don't think it's none of your business.

I think you're trying to bullshit me.

So why don't you just hang the phone up and get off my phone.

Whatever.

And just forget what you're trying to talk to me about.

Motherfucker.

Because you don't really want to come over here to my house.

You ain't coming over here to my house.

Okay.

Give me information.

If I thought you was really going to come over here to my house,

I might tell you all kinds of stuff.

But I wouldn't lie to you for it.

Okay, sure you wouldn't.

My wife ain't none of your business, and your wife ain't none of my business,

and won't you just forget what you're trying to get out of me?

I don't have a wife.

I have a boyfriend.

Here he is.

Big Dwight.

How you doing, pal?

So we picking up these dogs tonight or what?

I got it.

I'm going to come over.

I'm going to pick up this dog.

You come over here to my house, dude, and I'll tell you what you pick up.

Oh, yeah?

What am I going to pick up?

You'll find out when you get here.

I'm fucking driving there right now, so go ahead and tell me what I'm picking up, pal.

He just put the phone down.

I think he just went to get in his truck.

He's leaving.

He went to get his shotgun real quick.

Okay.

All right.

That's the wolf guy.

There you go.

I want to know why there was four to five people standing around watching these two

dogs fuck.

Yeah.

He nodded up in there twice.

And I made up that term, nodded up, and he ran with it.

I never used that in my life before.

It's like you were questioning what breed actually got her pregnant.

There were four or five of them.

We were standing around watching.

Yeah, they're watching a book.

But then he was like, yeah, I never got a chance.

He was pregnant when I got her.

I never got a chance.

But he said he didn't want to do dog abortion.

He's pro-choice when it comes to dogs.

dogs and the only choice is well no he's not perfect pro-life i confuse those terms pro-life

ken just like you all right we got someone looking for a house a trailer or an apartment to rent

lonesome loser also in the house trying to get numbers thank you big guy so what do you think

we should say we have a trailer or a house or an apartment i say a trailer fucking yeah but i'd

tell them they gotta like sleep on your fucking kitchen uh counter or something you're limited

it on space well i'll say it's a nice house but i don't want them to touch my stuff they can't sit

on your toilet seat they gotta hover when they go to the bathroom yeah they gotta sit down to pee

if they're a man yes hello you're looking for a house for rent or an apartment i have a house

three bedroom two bath for 400 electricity included and where's this at uh it's in

in Seaverville. Where?

Seaverville. Seaverville.

Spearsville? Yeah.

Let me tell you about the mall. I'm in bed.

We got a lot of land around. It's gotta be

tonight. It's gotta be tonight.

There's a lot of land around. You can come

out here. You got plenty of land.

Why don't you hang up, man?

I don't even know what time this is. I just said Spearsville.

What the fuck? Ken, you over there in the chat

typing? Mm-hmm. Good.

I'm sorry, but the

person you called has a voicemail box

that has not been... Screw you, buddy.

buddy. You can probably change his voicemail, right?

If you knew the code.

We set up a hooker's voicemail on her

a couple nights back.

I heard that. That was funny.

I heard when you guys called back and it was a message.

There was actually

a guy trying to leave helpful

advice for the hooker.

He's like, wow, after that voicemail

he goes, number one

instinct was to hang up. He was like,

well, you should probably check your phone records.

I think somebody may have taken over your line.

He's giving this fucking hooker

like itt tech advice and shit it's like the helpful fucking john over there like reboot your

phone all right all right here's something for sale dwight ken what do you want to go by now

are you still ken or are you want to be just just again if i want to tell him i'm dwight i'll tell

him that all right then ken three twin beds with the mattress thirty dollars each that's not bad

chest of drawers i don't use that term and a black futon with no mattress and a non-smoking home

Would you like to do that, please?

Sure.

Cool.

Well, you do that.

You don't happen to have a link on it, do you?

Or is it just the text?

Just the text info.

But I'll do that so you get an idea.

So I can bullshit him a little bit.

Yep.

I'm a demanding co-host.

No, you're fine.

It's easy enough.

I just got to copy that fucking number now.

Hang on, folks.

Here we go.

All right, Ken.

What's the frequency, Kenneth?

Here we go.

98.6 the mouth, motherfuckers.

No, thank you.

Please leave your message for...

Bitch.

Donna, sale.

Bitch.

How do you ever expect to sell anything with your fucking phone off?

Bullshit.

Please leave your message for...

She's not...

That was just a fluke.

Yes, I know, Nova.

I am no milkman, so eat my ass.

Yep.

There's a camper for sale.

Either that or just a wheel.

I don't know.

26 foot with an electric slide out.

Gas furnace, air conditioning.

RV's in excellent condition.

Okay, cool.

Let me copy this for Ken.

It's funny how they say it's late, but they still always answer off this page that they post on in Tennessee.

The bass machine wanted to know approximately how long you'd be going on tonight.

About three hours.

That's what I usually do.

I usually have three hours in me.

Get this sportsman here.

Hello?

How you doing there, buddy?

I'm calling about the sportsman with the fifth wheel.

Yeah.

Yeah, you selling that on the Craigslist?

Say that again?

Are you selling it on the Craigslist?

No, I haven't read this, but my wife may have.

Oh, okay.

Is she trying to sell it out for money yet?

Is she trying to make some cash and not even tell you about it?

No, no.

All right.

Well, let me talk to the old lady then.

She's not with me.

We're separated, but we are selling it, yeah.

Oh, okay.

What's the matter?

Is she fucking around 90 or something?

You had to split up?

Yeah.

Fucking whores, you know.

i know how it is yeah uh let's see here so you're doing like 8600 yeah uh so it's a it's a good

condition she wasn't fucking no guys in this thing was he or was she uh we've been using it

every year i mean it's been hard for the planner yeah yeah but what i'm saying is uh your old lady

wasn't in here with another guy uh leaving stains and stuff everywhere is she uh no uh how can you

be how can you be certain i mean you know she might have been in there uh while you were at

at work pounding away on top of that uh oven there no she's not got any keys to it ah so like

what's her number i want to call talk to her i want to get to the bottom of this uh you sound

like a pretty nice guy okay it's uh four two three uh-huh three three one four one five okay

that sounds good chief i'm gonna i'm gonna call that old broad and straighten her out for you

yeah okay any messages you want me to pass on to her you want me to call her a whore or anything

thing or what okay well i'll call her up and tell her that you uh called her a bitch

you know if you hang on a second we'll get around the fucking phone with you here

well we'll get this straightened out so like how long you've been trying to sell this thing

uh it's been a while or uh you're pretty firm on that price

No, we just started this week.

That's bullshit.

You get the trailer and she gets the house?

I mean, what kind of lawyer did you have?

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice message.

I'm going to leave her a voicemail.

You want to yell at her?

Yeah, go ahead.

Okay, you stay on the line, this bitch.

You don't got a brother or anything, do you?

Yeah.

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

4, 2, 3, 2, 3, 1, 4, 5, 1.

is not available at the time please record your message when you finished recording you may hang

up or press one for more options hey hey lady i got your husband on the line and uh uh he said i

could have that camper for like uh 1500 uh he said you're a you're a dirty bitch and he knows that

you're a fucking her brother or his brother so uh uh move out of the house all right bitch so see

we got her straightened out now buddy uh can i come over pick that trailer up tonight you know

You know, I think since I did that little favor for you, you should just give it to me for free.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, you just go to sleep, and in the morning when you wake up, the trailer's going to be gone.

Oh, okay.

I'm going to hook that shit up and make a quick getaway.

Yeah.

All right.

So, like, tell me the truth, man.

Do you, like, still beat off thinking about your wife at night or what?

Or is it some other broad in your mind now?

Yeah, I work.

Yeah.

I'm out.

Yeah, you beat off, though, don't you?

Yeah, you're over there jerking that dick, crying and shit about losing the house.

I really don't think that you're not really interested in camper drives.

I am.

I'm thinking about it.

I'm going to come over.

I'm going to check the camper out.

I'll come over.

I'll bring a six-pack of beer.

Me and you will sit in the camper.

Maybe get a little lubed up and we'll see where it goes.

Okay.

Maybe we dock together.

Yeah.

You know, you suck my dick.

I consider sucking yours, but probably not going to happen.

No, I don't have.

Okay, well, I'm going to let you go, buddy.

Thumbs up your asses, all right?

All right, thumbs up your asses.

Weird man?

uh and you left a fun voicemail there also good work ken sorry i was in the middle of doing

something else and then i couldn't get back in time i never imagined he'd give me the phone

the phone number anyway he's nice here you go all right uh there's a guy here who is looking

to buy rolexes this is a lonesome loser number we'll do a few of these and then we'll step back

and take a look at Request a Prank.

Okay?

Thanks.

This fucking guy.

Answer.

I have Rolex eyes for you.

Got another number here.

That doesn't work.

I got another one.

Pretty good.

Hey, I'm sorry.

You got with me, I guess, like a week ago.

You said not to call you again.

You sent me a text message last week.

Yeah, man, because you were saying crazy shit.

Yeah, I blacked out.

I don't even remember.

I'm just going through my phone messages,

And I noticed that you sent me that text

I'm really sorry

I was doing a lot of drugs and drinking

And I totally blacked out

I don't know what I did

I called a lot of people that night

Last Thursday

Well it was during the day right

I think

Yeah I don't remember too well

Yeah but what did I say

My therapist is working with me

We're trying to get me to remember what happened

Can you give me some audio cues

No

know all right he said i said a bunch of crazy crazy shit time uh i have no idea who that was

man okay uh moving right along we are going to go back to lonesome loser see if we can get one

of his numbers to pick up here the rolex buying services did not work nor did the jewelry service

so a little further up from that list that lonesome has sent me we got a guy looking for

bamboo groves pretty much any size and variety will do if you or someone you know has bamboo

they want removed managed or maintained please contact me san francisco open up your pearly gates

you know who really likes bamboo panda bears let's talk about that let's talk about that

yeah hey you have the bamboo service you're looking for bamboo i got a lot of well i got

out a lot of bamboo let's just say that you're looking to get it removed do you have panda bears

is that why excuse me do you have panda bears do i yeah yeah i do yeah i work for this i work for

the san francisco zoo i look for bamboo material to feed them oh i like panda bears they're called

yeah they're called oh yeah um when i was in china there was a zoo and there were two pandas

Yes, so where's the bamboo located?

It was Ming and AA, was her name.

what was that i'm sorry where's the bit

ming and aa were two panda bears when i was in china visiting i went there to visit a girl that

i met online what the bamboo is in my home i have a lot of bamboo i wanted to bring in a panda bear

so i was growing bamboo oh okay well i i can i can rent you one but it's pretty expensive it's

about a thousand dollars an hour yeah and yeah so can you afford a thousand dollars an hour

well i could can i explain my situation though because you're really rude and nasty

i'm surprised well you're you're um you work for your stuff you're you're not answering my

questions i'm sorry i thought i was the one that was calling i don't understand what's going on

here yeah but uh so where's the bamboo located asshole it's in my home i have 12 acres and about

oh is that in china with ling ling and ying ying no it's ming and ii it's not a fucking asshole

it's a plausible story i didn't even get to the part about the panda bears fucking in front of me

shit does anyone remember the name of the guy that cam was just talking with who gave us the

wife's phone number she's texting me back asking me to prove by giving her his name but i forgot

brett's a bitch i'm gonna i'm gonna edit that and send that to his manager at the san francisco zoo

because oh my god the way he was you heard that he's like no where's the bamboo where's the bamboo

like he had a gun on my face right i'm just brett sorry i missed your call

I was waiting for the beep the whole time.

It never came.

Anyway, chat room, do you remember the name of the woman, the guy?

Anyone?

Peter, maybe?

We've got to be sure because I don't want to say the wrong name.

If I say the wrong name, she's going to be like, uh, wrong.

wrong moving right along looking for the following to purchase from you an intel

an intel motherboard intel server board quad socket cpu motherboard new or used

when applying please indicate the condition of the board as well as any included accessories

documentation software and box respond by email text or call okay we will call i select

Collect call for a friend in California looking for a motherboard machine.

Ken said five minutes has been longer than five minutes.

I hope he didn't fall down a nice and break his ankle or get robbed or something.

I hope DMX jumped out and molested him.

Hello.

Hey, how are you doing?

From the status of your application, press 1.

Okay.

Your direction is to our office.

God bless you.

I'm looking that you wanted the Intel S4600LT2E5 Xeon motherboard.

Oh, yeah, the quad-socket motherboard, yeah.

Yeah, I got the quad-socket Intel server board 6S4600LT2 quad-socket CPU motherboard.

Newer used, you said, right?

Yep.

You said that when I reply that I please indicate the condition of the board

as well as any included accessories, documentation, software, and box.

And, yeah, I got all that here.

And you said to respond by different fraternal order of eagles, right?

Right.

Okay, this one's in Puyallup.

Are you looking for the board?

Oh, well, let's see here.

I mean, it is hard to get.

Yeah, the man is up on some of these, you know, legacy motherboards,

are we not right, from what I understand.

I can do $90, and since you're local, I will do free shipping,

and maybe I can throw in some stuff also for you.

Can you, does your computer go right now?

Is my computer what?

Is it go?

I'm sorry, you were breaking up again.

Could you repeat that?

Yeah, is your computer go?

Is it go?

Yeah, is it go?

um i i i i'm sorry i can't really understand what you're talking about but uh you know how to make

it go can you make it go oh can i make it go yeah yeah yeah i mean i've already i've run several

quad socket dual socket machines from for god over 10 years so as far as building them up from

from base and all that i bought so yeah i can definitely run i bought two of these motorboards

and I got this one in the box still

and never used it

and then there's the one that I got

and it doesn't go

you know

it doesn't go

is it

do you know

is it because of the type of processor you're using

or is it a dead socket

or

it comes and it says no

like that

it says real big no

it says

and then I try to make it go

I hit the blue E

to try to make it go

and it does not go

you know

huh

yeah

and do you know like

do you have to have a special thing

for it to make it a YouTube computers?

I mean, well, when we're talking about

specifically for this motherboard,

I mean, it's going to need ECC RAM.

It's going to need a few things,

you know, as far as the processors go

to make it run properly.

And you make it a YouTube computers

after that, right?

You can make it a YouTube computers, right?

You put on the YouTubes on it

and it comes up and everything.

It's just real big, like right here.

And you play.

Well, I mean, yeah,

you can do several things with it.

I mean, you can run YouTube, you can run, you know, a few things.

Yeah, you can go, you can get YouTubes on it, you can put YouTubes on it, and, like, all the YouTubes come up on it.

Yeah, I mean, the quality's going to be great because of the type of embedded graphics processor that's embedded on that LT2 board, on that quad socket board, but, yeah, it should work with it.

You stupid motherfucker, right?

Excuse me?

You stupid motherfucker, you.

You're talking to me?

Yeah.

I mean, why are you telling me this?

I'm getting upset

I'm very angry right now

Are you telling me this

Or are you cursing your board

Because it doesn't work

I'm just mad and you guys need to come here

And make my computer go

Oh make yours go

No I mean I would charge you

For any work to make your own

System run properly

Make it go

So my question is

Do you have one of these motherboards for sale

I do motherfucker

a fucker okay um i gotta hear dude oh you know what i mean if you want to stop cursing at me

that'd be that would be great okay and we can do we can do business but otherwise i'm a little

upset right now i'm upset at it right now i'm i've had a little bit of red wine and i'm upset

because my computer doesn't work i tried to build it and all this i turned it on the back to 330

the spaces you know and it didn't go on so then i got the other one but i can't use it

it because of the socket machine and all this stuff and luckily i saw you you have like you

can get it you could take it right you'll buy it thank god so i don't have to try to sell it on my

own outside on on the ebay you know i was gonna send a lot to open it on ebay and put it on there

but instead yeah you can come by and get it yeah you know what if you come by and i'll suck your

dick and i'll give it to you for like 50 bucks you know you know what what then i'll suck if you

you go out into a cornfield right now i'm sure you can find a gopher out there somewhere that'll

suck your tiny dick for nothing well i have a good one i can find your mom running around the

corner so why go that far right okay weird i don't know what to say about that bad skype mission

dwight still gone still not here you heard his voicemail he isn't respectful enough to pick up

the phone a second time you know that's bullshit big fines for swearing in sydney australia now

according to new new if you call the government there and see how many different swear words i

can manage and ask the cost yeah i can thank you uh okay thank you i'm sure that means onsen will

be getting me some australia numbers we also have numbers in uh sexual healing hey you're back you

remember the name of the guy you talked with because his wife wants to know his name for me

me to prove that he is who we are we say we are uh he didn't put a name we got his phone number

that should prove everything well shit i don't know let me try to call her yeah he did the name's

not in the ad he texted she texted back saying i think you got the wrong number i said no your

husband gave us your number told said to call and he said then what's his name like that he said

then what's his name all sexual like that yeah no like accusatory like what the fuck nigga

like that fuck nigga like that that's what he said talk to your husband he said you were

fucking his brother you can tell whoever pout you calling this number that i will find out who you

are that's what it says oh no really okay what did he say again exactly i he said that uh basically

they'd split up he said they were cool i was like would you want me to call and leave her voice

all right i'll call again is this you calling him or her her call her see if she picks up i'm gonna

gonna go get some strawberries at the break ken are you jealous what'd you get you didn't get

strawberries you got beer no your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system

all that beer is going straight to your um sides your belly your big belly right to my cock too

your big gut your big gullet ken yeah yeah i'll still take my shirt off in front of you nice i'll

watch i'll pinch your nips all right that bitch is a fake she don't want none of this okay we are

looking at reiki key reiki all right a woman answered there this is in hong kong where they

have it's a professional hotel and incall uh sexual thing you know where they come and they

have experience providing alcohol massage services that's what it says things of that nature so

basically they grab the d and jerk you off now do you have to tip extra for that or is that included

in your package question we should ask hello hey honey baby how are you hi hey do you have to tip

Tip extra?

Sorry?

How much I tip, you know, for the girl to make one hand massage?

50 minutes or 400.

50 minutes or 400 what?

United States dollars?

Yes.

Oh, okay.

Wow.

So what time you want come?

Will the girl touch it?

Like touch my penis?

Is that okay?

Sorry?

How done?

Well, you know, the whole sexual questions that we're supposed to do, it's been done

over and over again.

You know what I'm talking about?

Ah, yes.

Yeah, you know the sexual question?

In Chicago?

Yeah, you know it.

Yeah, hey, do you want to get married?

You can be far.

I can what?

I mean, you can be far your first time.

Oh, okay.

I can be far?

What do you mean I can be far?

Do you know how to drive?

Yeah, I do.

Yeah, I want to marry a girl.

I want a Chinese girl to marry.

I have a lot of money.

I'm an engineer.

Yeah, I'm an engineer.

Yeah.

I think she's Emmy and May.

No, marriage.

Wedding.

marriage wedding you know no no vagina yeah you can come try you know vagina

vagina vagina vagina yes vagina yes yes okay vagina that's all i got for you i hate calling

you i i don't like calling the chinese uh massage people did you know that i know i know not

Yeah, I know, but I don't like prank calling you girls.

It's just, I never had nowhere to go.

It's all you got to ask is, you know, oh, you're going to jerk me off,

and then you guys go, ha, ha, ha, ha, like that.

No, no, no.

Exactly.

Our girls are very nice, very friendly, and watch it, you're nice.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

That's the kind of response you're going to give me.

And I don't know what else to do with your girls.

To prank call your girls, I don't know what else to do.

because your girls are just working, right?

You're just trying to...

Okay, don't worry about that, okay?

I will recommend you a nice girl for you.

Yeah, I know, but I just get frustrated

because the guys, they want me to prank call you girls

because they think it's funny to make fun of you girls

because you all look the same and you talk funny to us.

And, you know, over here they say that all the girls are massage-y,

you know, happy ending and all that.

And it's not true.

It's not true.

And you should respect women, right?

Right.

yeah yeah so i don't know what else so what would you have a suggestion something else i can say to

you to prank call women like you like asian massage parlors outside of the united states

that will be funny i don't know of anything else what do you think i understand what you mean

okay i could talk about that sure i'll try that sure yeah all right okay all right yeah all right

well thanks you're welcome bye uh she she okay i just felt like i wanted to talk it out uh

ken yeah yeah nice conversation that's all i could do i felt like i was talking to like a

psychologist uh we found the husband's information yeah uh his name's mike mike howard mike howard

yep there's his facebook and everything okay all right

mike said to call all right i just texted back mike said to call i will let you know on a response

there ken we thank you do you know that mike went to uh walter state community college that

sounds like a piece of shit school a mickey mouse school so to say what do you think i think it's

no devry i'll tell you that it's no it's no itt tech so what what else is there university of

phoenix um everest is there an everest yeah everest with all the black people yelling and

belittling you yeah get off your ass to go to college motherfucker yeah see that in daytime tv

court tv like whatever it is that doesn't have true tv always has that shit yeah remember g4

the gaming network they used to always have those well they sent full sale on there which is like

right down the street where i lived in orlando yeah they got rid of g4 which was bullshit uh

Uh, yeah, well, the first thing, that was Comcast that did that, and they ruined things

because they combined, they got rid of Tech TV, which was really bullshit to me.

That's a whole nother story.

That's a whole other fucking basket of eggs.

Yeah.

Al Leoport's an asshole.

I don't like it.

I don't like his network.

Yeah, I'm a big fan of this podcast that was on the Leoport, Leoport's network, This Week

in Tech, Twit network.

The only good show that was left on there was NSFW.

it was a funny show with brian brushwood and justin robert young and they quit they're like

we're not doing this on here anymore we're doing it our own so we can curse and shit and not be

tied down a leo and his bullshit you know uh who made a special guest appearance on the turbo boost

show yesterday there carlito who the fucking asiatic no really i missed that yeah he was on

skype he fucking uh made an appearance when was it i'll want to listen to that that one uh it was

Last night, but it was towards probably the last hour of show.

Okay, well, that makes it easier to find.

Okay.

Yeah, no, Turbo went on last night.

Like six hours.

Yeah, I saw that.

I don't know how accurate the length was.

I didn't get a chance to listen to it.

I listened to Brad's show today instead.

I'll listen to Turbo's probably tomorrow.

Got some catching up to do.

Anyway, enough mishmash.

Chatty Kathy over here.

Carlito teaching us all a lesson on this call says H.P. Lovecraft.

I guess on the last one.

yeah i guess so we got a block number calling i'm gonna decline that part of that bitch while

you block it we have your number anyway yep i'm not gonna add that to the conference someone's

got rolling stone tickets for a dollar is that accurate the band the rolling stones looking for

rolling stone tickets any category where a couple of people wanting to part rolling stones are

playing in uh in hong kong i guess okay cool i didn't know that because it was a big deal when

they played in china a few years ago because they edited the chinese government forced them to

either not play some songs or edit a lot of them you know like their first songs a lot of them had

all the sexual innuendo like start me up and shit like that they weren't allowed to do start me up

i know that much all right hong kong tickets hey fucker how are you how you doing fucker

you want rolling stone tickets what no no i talk why all right can i have one general

No, I'm not going to use WhatsApp.

Fuck you.

I don't use that WhatsApp shit.

They're owned by Facebook now.

Fuck you, too.

I'm in my Chinese office.

Yeah, whatever.

I can't take a break from making iPads.

Fuck.

Ken, you don't care about technology,

but the new Samsung unveiled the new Galaxy S phone.

The Galaxy S5 looks very nice.

Looks very durable, actually.

Actually, I think it survives underwater quite some time if you drop it.

Kind of cracks me up because last month my dad went and bought the S4.

I'm like, yeah, here in April they're getting ready to release the 5.

Yeah, I always wait.

I got the S3, so I'm going to move to the 5.

I'm excited because it's more durable than the S3 for one.

For two, the fingerprint thing seems pretty cool.

The swiping the fingerprint, I think that's a better option

than the iPhone's physical key for it.

and uh something else about it excited me but i forget now but i'm excited ken real excited oh

yeah i i that's the thing with me i have t-mobile i've got the jump plan so you can change your

phone every six months no matter what so yeah i think uh his is every year he can change his

okay uh just because he uh he had it through work uh through ford and uh even though he's

retired it continued on dead for copy that all right let's move right on here dead for copy that

what's wrong with me i'm playing a lot of uh call of duty ghostesses bruno mars uh bruno mars

tickets wanted i'm sorry someone in hong kong looking for bruno mars tickets ideally

for the 29th i guess bruno mars is doing a concert in hong kong also there you go so hong kong is

part of china but it's still kind of separate it's like a special jurisdiction is that the deal

you wouldn't have no idea yeah no yeah i'm sorry i don't mean to put you on the spot never mind

carry on dwight hi dwight the janitor i keep calling you dwight because i look over i see

dwight and i say it i know you're ken i don't like hello yeah i don't like dwight yeah hey i

don't like dwight uh i have uh bruno mars ticket machines did you want stuff no i've already got

them thank you you're a fucking cunt you know that if you've already got everything you want

bitch take your ad down let's see if she picks up i'm gonna say that maybe the guy will pick up

or would you call my wife a client hello yeah what happened why'd you hang up well can i appreciate

being spoken to like that i have my bruno mars ticket thank you then why did you take it off

the internet the ad you stupid bitch you're a real charmer bye okay she's nice though at least

she's not really blowing up i yelled at a guy for not taking his ad down the other day told him he

was trying to pull a fucking bait and switch on me he's got real pissed off about it what

motherfucker all right uh if we have jay this is just jay oh she's with the council of the city

of sydney australia where it is now very bad very bad thing to curse all right so here we call the

city council the councilman this is interesting sounds like you're trying to turn that place into

to uh like demolition man you get a fucking credit taken away for the verbal morality statute

yeah so you can wipe your ass you gotta do that you gotta do it like five times i saw a diagram

someone made of how the seashells worked and it was pretty it actually worked i was like oh yeah

i guess that's how you would do it so now you're over on the beach looking for seashells to save

on toilet paper yeah thank you for calling joe well it's like the three seashells right you

You have the two go on each ass cheek, and then you shit into the third shell, and then

you just plop that down to the toilet.

I think that's what it was.

So basically, you're shitting in your hands, but you've got a seashell covering your hand

that you're shitting into, and both your ass cheeks have seashells.

How does that work if you've got, like, massive fucking diarrhea, though?

Yeah, I don't know.

That movie made...

That was really...

it was it was funny because it made no sense and they never explained it you know

yeah the very last line was so just tell me about the seashells they all look at him he's like he's

a fucking retard he's an asshole yeah he's like where's the toilet paper that's such bullshit

though like it only been like what 50 years since the earthquake yeah yeah so it only been 50 years

since well he had only been out for like 50 60 years or something like that is that the world's

not gonna change that much we're like sex and salt is illegal come on get out of here big baby

baz that black chef boy hardy how are you hey how's it going it's the cream of wheat man i'd

say that black chef boy rd that's what it looked like to me all right um all right uh hey a dirty

aaron sending me a picture of a smashed thumb that belongs to him i'm opening up i'm opening

Opening it up besides my better judgment.

It's not coming up right now.

But, yeah, sorry, Dirty Aaron.

I'm sorry about your thumb.

That's what you get for working with your hands on Volkswagen.

It's probably from the frustration of his laptop blowing up on him a couple weeks back.

Yeah, boy.

Happened again?

No, but I haven't seen him do a show since it blew up.

Yeah.

All right, here we are calling the Council of the City of Sydney, Australia again,

where they have passed new legislation

regarding the use of

curse words. It's a hot item in the prank

call news.

The city is currently experiencing an interruption

to services. The call will now be devoted

to the city's after hours service.

They're fucking rioting over there.

Where the fuck?

Your call may be monitored for

quality assurance.

If you do not wish to have your call recorded,

please notify the operator.

From the city of Sydney, how can I help?

I command you not to

uh not to record my conversation i command it okay present okay what are you doing what are

you doing i'm writing that you don't want to be recorded now what what's what's your inquiry what

happens when you do that do you turn it off i go to my supervisor and i tell him to delete the

recording oh wow okay all right yeah so i understand that there's a higher crime now

for saying curse words or something like that sorry what what was it it's really much woodland

and I can't hear you that well.

There's a big penalty for using curse words in the city now.

For using what roads in the city?

Sorry?

If, say, curse words like fucking shit, fucking shit,

and shit like that, you know?

Like, say, goddammit and shit, asshole.

Not that I'm aware of, and I don't think that's an offense.

All right, can you take down a message then?

You want to put through a message?

Yes.

Okay, what was your message?

It's for the mayor.

It's for the mayor?

Yes.

Okay.

And it says, the message is, you fucking asshole.

what would be the nature

of this this phone call i'm upset why you're upset what's wrong because he's a fucking asshole

because i'm because i'm no because the mayor not you honey i'm not mad at you it's the mayor i hate

he's a fucking asshole okay well is there something i could um that the message other than

passing on that message because it's not i really don't feel comfortable passing on that sort of

message you're all right put that you're a stupid how about that you were stupid you were a stupid

is there anything else you'd like me to leave a message for the mail is that all you so what do

do you have there you're a asshole you're a stupid does it say that no yeah okay all right go ahead

and i expect i expect to hear back from the mayor mayor asshole what was okay adjusted to mayor

asshole okay so you want to call back and he's all here eagles because eagles are coming after

you i can't put that up on the website i can only put for a message all right then i'll call back to

see what the message was okay all right no problem what was your name honey isabel all right isabel

bell bye thank you bye all right there you go so the mayor is an asshole everybody and he has been

he's being informed that he's an asshole he's a stupid at least that's gonna get through that

he's a stupid he's just like the just like the king of thailand yeah we should call the government

of thailand and say that those two should really get together and fuck each other pass the message

on to the king you're a fucking asshole oh i can't say that i can see her walking into the mayor's

office and telling him that yes this guy this american called it and he says you're an asshole

what gain him that's what they'll say k in his ass they love caning americans any chance they

can get they just love it when the marines get and the navy men get off of the ships when they

go port of call in thailand and bangkok they wring their little hands together like oh yeah we're

gonna fuck these guys up they always arrest like five six seven eight of them for bullshit you

you know? And they cane them. They hit them

and they cane them. They like it. The kink

sister watches smoking a cigar.

And jerks off. I don't know what the fuck

I'm talking about. Mind me none.

No attention. Free

Wi-Fi in all caps. Shared

bathroom, shared living room, shared

kitchen. And all utensils are

shared. What? What is this?

Oh, it's a flat that they're sharing

in Hong Kong. Ooh. Oh, boy.

Tell them that, yeah, I use the

utensils. Sometimes I don't wash them. I just put them back

in the drawer. Yeah.

Whoever, they said that they can do your cooking and laundry also.

That's kind of weird, right?

It's really weird, yeah.

And a guy answered when Lonesome confirmed it.

You move into a strange apartment and this guy's cooking your food?

I don't think that'd go over very well.

I don't think so either, sir.

Here, you just put some rat poison in my fucking oatmeal.

Fantastic.

And a cow penis for you.

Posted it there for you guys to see if you want to take a look.

Tonight, Carlito, you may want to call Charlie at some point.

uh we've called him a couple times over the last couple weeks and he's got really fucking pissed

off has he really he's been getting really really yeah he's getting been getting angry

he's still and his son's been stepping in and calling us assholes and stuff now too

all right are you guys calling his cell or what's going on i don't know we're calling the restaurant

i told him i was calling to do the pepsi order okay and i called before and uh i kept harassing

what I assume is his daughter

and I called the next day

and I'm like yeah this is Dwight I need to do

the Pepsi order she's like did you call yesterday

I'm like no that must be another

Dwight with Pepsi

she's like oh well he was being very rude

and telling me all the shit I had said the night

before

I was like yeah he's just a driver I'm the guy

that does the orders

someone edit those out

is that on Turbo's show

yeah I think it was

That sounds funny.

Hong Kong Holdings, how may I help you?

Yeah, that's hi.

How are you?

I see that you want to do my cooking and laundry for me.

Well, so and well.

May I have your name, please?

Yeah, this is Cross.

I'm a pervert.

Cross, a what?

A pervert.

Oh, okay.

Well, what is your phone number, please?

I don't really like giving that out.

Is this in Hong Kong, or where is this?

It's in Hong Kong, yes.

Oh, good.

I'm perverted.

I like that.

I want to stay with the girl, you know?

I watch her, I have her cook for me and clean, get all sexy.

Well, we do a, we do a, well, that's for a management company.

We rent out rooms.

I don't think that's exactly what we provide.

We don't provide those services.

Well, you have the rooms though, right?

It says that you can do my cooking and cleaning.

It says can do cooking and laundry.

It says here.

Well, let me put you on hold for someone to assist you with that.

One more, please.

Okay.

Okay, stupid.

She sounded like she could use a good rogering.

You're a sex pervert.

sexual deviant

who's on the register.

He's a registered

sex offender.

He's a sex fiend.

He has to move over

to Hong Kong

to get away

from that title.

I really don't like

the way your icon

is smiling at me.

Yeah, it's kind of creepy.

He likes you.

I want to choke

on that bow tie.

Hang up.

You guys complain

about the hang up, please?

Because I'm in

a really bad mood right now.

I'm just going to

hang up.

Car fucking.

Hong Kong Holdings.

How may I help you?

Hey, lady.

Why'd you hang up

up on me yeah and what is your name please yeah this is dwight right yeah i'm just trying to get

a room with a chick with some big knockers you have the wrong number it's a management company

okay you got some big knockers lady let me talk to your superior no you know what i don't think

you need to talk to anybody let me talk let me talk to your boss you will not deny me i am a man

and you are a whore put the phone down your dress let's talk to your tits yeah yeah man

i was real dirty right when i said i told her i was a pervert let me talk to your areolas

let's talk to your nipples ew that sounds creepy don't say that again i'll talk to your areolas

okay listen mr david quam lives in hong kong hong kong island i want to know if he can get

me into the kumite what's the kumite the old van damme movie okay he's got a lot of movies i was

just thinking this was like the very first like one of the very first ones the one i saw a lot

was the blood sport was the name of the sport yeah blood sport was the one i saw a lot that's

the american with the budweiser thing uh yeah the harley davidson harley davidson thing the uh

why why why hello yeah hey buddy hey how are you hi hey yeah listen we want to do an experiment on

you sorry sorry yeah i need a sample of your brain you have what i want a sample of your brain i need

to examine a sample of your brain what brain your brain your brain yeah i wanted to give you money

for a sample of your brain we can even get you american citizenship oh sorry i don't understand

Maybe because you're stupid Chinese, you don't understand.

I need a sample of your brain matter, your brain tissue.

I'll put Dr. Baz on the line.

Is he here still, Dr. Baz?

Yeah, I'm here.

Yes, sir, this is Dr. Baz.

We need to take a neurobiopsy.

Where are you? Who are you?

It's a painless.

I am David Baz Snoswell.

Doctor.

MD, medical doctor.

Who are you?

I already told you.

Can I have your name?

David Snozwell.

David, David, David.

Yes, yes.

And then you're talking about, what are you talking about?

We need to take a small sample of brain tissue from inside your head.

It's painless, and we take only a part of the non-essential region of your brain.

I don't understand.

You insert the instrument through your nostril up into your brain,

like how the Egyptians used to remove the brain before mummifying dead people.

Yeah, you know what?

You don't speak good enough English to understand me, right?

I have the hospital sound effects in the back.

I just thought they would add a little authenticity to help out.

Oh, that was you.

Yeah, yeah.

That was me.

He was real confused, right?

He was like, what?

Where did he come from?

I just came out.

I want a sample of your brain.

and I was channeling Egon from the Ghostbusters movie.

What's his first?

Harold Ramis died.

I mean, there are non-critical regions of the brain

where you can take a little chunk out.

Hello?

I thought it was our answer.

Yeah, no, you can.

Yeah, I saw Robocop.

You saw Robocop, man?

The old one.

The new one.

Is the new one out yet?

Yeah, it's good and it's not.

It's out and it's not good.

Oh, okay.

It's a real nice-looking movie.

It's a nice action movie, but it's not.

The Padilla guy, he missed a chance.

or like reinvent because you know the first robocop was such a parody on society at the time

yeah i had plenty of ammo if you i watched it twice i downloaded it okay sue me i watched it

twice i can't get out i'm in a fucking wheelchair i'm not gonna go to the movie theater and in a

wheelchair fuck that shit anyway i saw he saved me uh 10 bucks yeah well i saw it and it's good

i mean if you're i was a huge massive robocop fan as a kid like really into it you know the tv

series all three movies i had the comic books in the 80s when they were making them and stuff i was

buying them but i don't know it was okay i saw it a second time and i saw a little it looked it was

a little better but still not what it could have been had plenty of ammo to do a revamped version

of that you want to watch a good movie that just recently came out uh ride along was pretty good

with uh ice cube and kevin hart okay it was actually pretty damn funny all right right along

i'll have to look in oh yeah i saw the trailers for that that looked that looked pretty funny

nobody's asking if i'd buy that for a dollar is in there um it is but not how you think but yes

there's a reference to i'd buy that for a dollar there was also reference to thank you for your

cooperation uh that's in there that's in the trailer though so you've already seen that and

there was also dead or alive you're coming with me there was that that was uttered

at some point also i think those are the three references to the first one the 6000

2000 sux you know what yeah they tried to push yeah they had 209 they kept the name at 209 but

it's a revamped version but it is the ad 209 uh i don't know what else i could tell you i'm not

doing any spoilers because this is all known stuff for the most part you're not i was i mean

go out if you get nothing else to watch if you're really a really big robocop fan go watch it but

it's not it's not the first one but i kind of felt like that about the first the first reboot

boot of the star trek movie and then it grew on me to the point where when the second one came up

i was really came out just recently i was pretty excited about it so i don't know and also the

theme song played at the very beginning the original robocop theme song did was featured

and i kind of liked that that was kind of cool okay robocop everybody robocop's here for robocop

all right in australia everybody that's that's uh rbcp is short for robocop yes it is you didn't

Know that.

Just take the O's out.

Bombay Triffin.

This is in Sydney, Australia.

An Indian restaurant.

How about some Bancho?

Yeah.

All right.

Either of you.

You guys want a Bancho?

Baz, Bancho.

Yeah, yeah.

I could.

I've got a craving.

You're a good Bancho orderer.

He's going to get cooked into the oven again.

Matter of fact, I'm going to be making chicken tikka masala tomorrow.

So I'm going to be having some Bancho.

I'm excited.

I'm going to make my own Bancho tomorrow, guys.

I got this.

Yeah, I've had two guys threaten to cook me in their oven.

and maybe we can go for three here.

Oh, snap.

Listen, you're trying to reach it, not available.

You said this was Sydney, Australia?

Uh-huh.

Yeah, it's 3.43,

so a lot of Indian restaurants close between lunch and dinner,

so they're probably not open yet.

Yeah, well, these were confirmed.

Yeah, but they might be closed, and maybe they answered.

But, yeah, they usually eat together as a family.

I talked about this on a recent show where I complained about it today.

Remember?

I was like, ah, yeah, get around.

Chinese restaurants are good ones.

Yeah, they do.

I've noticed good ones close for lunch.

And if you're there, you notice they do a communal dinner, communal lunch.

It's kind of cool.

Yeah, and they make all the good shit for themselves.

Oh, God, yeah.

Make massive amounts of it, too, man.

Yeah.

Hey, Baz, you ever get that chicken off your Greyhound bus?

No.

Oh, what?

I don't want to know.

We've been calling Greyhound.

Was the chicken loose in the bus?

Baz has been playing a chicken sound behind it.

And he said they're telling the people on the phone that there's a fucking chicken loose on the bus.

That's what I just said.

Okay, but yeah, okay.

I love that chicken.

I got him here, too.

If you want him, I can play him for you, Baz.

We also told him that the bus driver was in the bathroom.

And now there's a 14-year-old driving the bus.

No.

You don't watch, dude.

probably could have freaked them out

you gotta be careful

it's alright who cares

we keep getting the same guy

Baz keeps telling him the chicken's pecking at his nuts

I just love the calls where we're in the bathroom

and the chicken's like

at the door just clucking

and we're afraid to leave the bathroom

because there's a chicken there

it's like alright you fucking pussy

pecking and nipping at you

oh shit

I called this McDonald's in Guam and told them I had a live chicken.

I was going to slaughter it and have them make some chicken McNuggets for me.

Here's more banjo.

What is the answer?

You have called K. Please leave your name.

Yeah, if you want a banjo now, you probably need to call West Coast or Hawaii or Guam.

Yeah, maybe Hawaii.

Do they get mad at Hawaii?

I don't know.

We could try Guam.

Let me pull up the...

All right.

There's maybe one Indian restaurant in Guam.

Yeah, I can imagine there is only one.

Have you had any more communication from the Turkish horse at all?

I have not.

No voicemails despite recent repeated calls to Faison and the restaurant.

I have had no voicemails coming back from him, including a canceled order recently.

Sloth called her on Valentine's Day and asked her if it was Valentine.

Yeah, how'd that go?

She just hung up on him.

She didn't even curse at him.

She didn't acknowledge.

She wants it.

She wants Jen.

Jen's the guy that sets her off.

She knows his name.

She goes, oh, hey, Mr. Stewart.

Fuck you, Mr. Stewart.

She said that a few times, though.

I bet that gives Jen a little chubby.

Yeah.

I'm going to take a ride.

I'm telling you.

I don't care.

All right, we'll call her.

Fuck it.

So is Jen on another extended hiatus?

I'm all hard for Faison.

He's been, but I asked him, I hit him up on WhatsApp.

we were just talking about WhatsApp I hit him up on

WhatsApp a few

days ago and I told him to come

on with me he said yeah just to give

him a date and time and

I didn't and I could have either had him on

yesterday or today tonight

or yesterday show that I didn't I didn't have him

on either so that's my bad he's

interested in doing it but he doesn't want to come

back for good but he

said he's okay coming back every once in a while

and doing a show with me you know

so Milkman I haven't talked

to and that's i'm not it's not that i'm mad at him i just haven't had a chance to talk to him

and i think he's upset this is kind of a dick move on my part i'm just being honest i think

it's a dick move on my part it's not that i i just haven't been gotten around to talk calling him and

he's called me a few times and i haven't answered and i he's probably upset by now i feel like a

dickhead because i even i did two shows this week and i could have had him on either of them so

i feel bad i'm gonna call him tomorrow i keep saying that every day i'll call him tomorrow

and i never get to it maybe we should fize on milkman's number and then they can communicate

back and forth maybe set up a rendezvous yeah maybe send that guy to kill him yeah that too

yeah i dug the show when uh when milkman was sitting across the street from the turkish

kitchen giving us a fucking play-by-play about what was going on yeah he's like oh you look

It looks pretty animated right now.

I love this description of the Turkish horse.

Oh, yeah.

It looks like Aristotle Onassis.

Yeah.

He got off the phone with us and busted out, so I'm all pissed off.

He's coming.

I'm leaving.

Oh, shit.

I think he saw me.

He took two pictures, but they're blurry.

He was scared.

Obviously, that guy fucking come out.

Adam, he's in his taxi.

Shit.

I got to get those.

those pictures are in dropbox somewhere but they're blurry he did it was night first of all

and he was doing it from far away he couldn't be too close so yeah um but we had a listener go

there too actually and those were on facebook listener went in there and ate i believe and

took pictures of faizan and the horse guy as well kangoozle whatever it's a kangoozle or something

right somewhere like that why don't you pick up the phone you son of a whore come on motherfucker

motherfucker those voicemails are my favorite yeah i've got them all edited they're all out

yes hi how are you hello hello yeah here here's dwight hey how you doing i need to uh make an

order for pickup if i could hello hello can i make an order for pickup yeah you can all right

uh you got any specials going right now or what it's actually my first time trying turkish food

as i expected fucking whore yeah she's like that and then they won't pick up not it'll just go to

to the fax well i wonder how many legitimate orders they just hang up on on thursday thinking

that it's a prank yeah i think i think they know by now oh it's thursday never mind don't don't

pick up the phone anymore well i think at that point they start paying attention to the caller

id they're gonna close on thursdays from now on fuck this we're just gonna close here's someone

we haven't talked to a lot lately what's up zyclone zyclone oh i'll put the call on hold

what happened resume call hello i'll put it on hold for some reason hey zyclone what's up

Hey, Carlito.

How's it going?

Good.

I was just saying, we haven't talked to you a lot.

I think you called in recently.

You were on recently, but not for long.

Yeah, it was one of those shows.

Okay, good.

We'll go to talk to you.

Are you still selling guns?

Yeah, I just got one the other week.

Nice.

Is business good?

The gun selling business?

Yes, business is good.

Is it booming, so to say?

Ha, ha, ha.

Kind of.

Nice.

Zyklon, you can make your own ammunition, right?

People do that?

Yes.

I got the equipment to do so.

Really?

okay because uh yeah my uncle used to do that it's not art it costs about 500 bucks for a lady

to get set up for just basic stuff well i was uh catching up with one of my friends from orlando

and he said that he works at a call center my friend and he said they fired a guy because he

was making ammo at his desk at the call center i'm like are you for reals like yeah he brought

Brought in like a tin box, and he was making bullets, I guess.

I don't know.

Did you just buy the shell casings and gunpowder?

Is that what it is?

Well, the first thing you need is you need a press,

which is a big-ass thing that you have to clamp to like a workstation.

So I'm surprised how the hell he got one of those in.

Yeah, I don't know.

Because they are pretty damn big.

Yeah.

You think that's like a warning to his boss?

they look at what i'm doing well they got no this one's for you i think he he was really like

stupid the guy like i know who he was too we worked together at that call center years ago

and they both still were working there my friend still works there but he was telling me yeah

the homeboy was just there and making ammo and like one of the guys stood up and said

told the manager just so you know there's a guy here and he's making ammo i'm fucking going to

of my car and he walked off and he logged off and walked off and the security camera just took him

and but honestly i think he didn't know that it was inappropriate but if you think about it like

you got some he's a weird scary looking motherfucker and yeah like some guy just

making ammo at work is kind of weird right i don't know maybe he was just making magazines

like would you take can you take bullets and put them into a magazine maybe he was doing that

yeah if he was putting shit into a magazine

that's bad

because the magazine goes into the gun

and fire

he's scribing people's names on the bullets

this one's for Bill

fuck you fuck you

you're cool fuck you

but dude just at a straight up call center

that does they do AT&T

and Apple support

and stuff like that

I just don't get it

remind me to treat the call center people nice

so they don't go up

yeah he's storing customer information

yeah

but he was honestly like look yeah

my bad but I didn't know it was that big

of a deal and like you're

fucking bringing in

like he said

it was like a really decent sized metal

box like

a big tackle box size

of fucking shit that he brought

in and he was just sitting there like

don't forget a fire hazard

are too gunpowder is flammable primers are flammable shit what a fucking dumbass that guy

anyway that's a fucking dangerous thing to do yeah so that was uh that was about a month ago

my friend told me did you see it so carlito what do you think about the super bowl uh i don't

remember where i was home for it i know that it was my first weekend home from uh my recuperation

i think it was i think it was good right it wasn't good i was happy with the result yeah

Yeah, Seahawks.

It was a shitty game.

Oh, yeah, it was a blowout.

It was a blowout.

Seahawks blowout.

I slapped my ass off that first play.

Hey, you know what?

Fucking safe.

I know.

Well, it was cool because I was kind of, there was other stuff I wanted to do.

I mean, I was going to watch it regardless, but I was like, once it was a blowout, I was

like, all right, I can do some other shit and just have it on in the background, you

know?

So that's, I watched it online on my computer.

It was streaming for free.

I didn't have to.

No, I've been a.

Yeah, go ahead.

I've been a lifelong Seattle resident, and I've been a fan of the team since its inception.

I loved every minute of it.

I was pulling for the broadcast.

Yeah, I was actually thinking about you, Baz, during the game.

You were missing.

I think you were sick, right?

You were really sick.

You were really sick that week, right?

Honestly, the NFC championship game was much more exciting.

Both championship games rather than the Super Bowl.

I'll tell you what.

but once Detroit wins the Super Bowl,

the city is going to fucking burn.

Oh, yeah.

I'll bet.

It won't even be on the map anymore.

It'll just be a big fucking black smoky mark

on every map ever made.

Except for the stadium.

That's the one thing they won't burn.

Yeah, because the trophies.

Well, it's not there at that point.

Detroit is not going to win a Super Bowl.

Well, dude, can you imagine?

Well, Detroit had the Super Bowl a few years ago, right?

Yeah, Pittsburgh won.

Four years ago?

Yeah, it wasn't that one.

There's more than that.

It was, um, there's one that Pittsburgh won, not the one they beat Arizona, the one they

beat Seattle.

Okay.

Yeah, but dude, if the Lions won and they were playing in Detroit, but they won't play

in Detroit again.

They did it because it was a nice thing to do.

You know, it's like, yeah, we're doing this.

That's why they keep doing it.

They did it in New Orleans twice, and I was like, you know, we're doing it in a city

that needs help right now.

It's also how much money you can slip to the committee under the table.

Yeah, basically.

But they make a lot of money.

just like all the airport

just the airport fees alone

that income that comes to the local

jurisdiction that alone

is big

I still laugh at the conference

game what Seattle was doing

to fans from like California

and shit not allowing them to make

credit card purchases for tickets

so they couldn't come

to the stadium

they were doing the same thing for the AFC championship

game

it's funny as hell to me

Yeah, but I mean, there's a lot of fans that want to go to the Seattle games, bro.

I think the NFL may crack down on that, saying teams are not allowed to restrict ticket sales by area.

Well, you see the commissioner threatened to pull the Super Bowl out of Arizona next year if they didn't straighten their shit out.

The gay thing, right?

Yeah, the gay thing.

The governor vetoed it so they could keep the Super Bowl.

Yeah, yeah, really quick.

like it took like less than a day i saw the article and then i saw the response like bam

like just like that one oh that was quick i think the governor arrives this is dumb

i'll be past the house in the senate and get to that point you know

yeah undies like you know what we're gonna lose the super bowl okay so we're uh done with that

shit and good that's about time that arizona's out of control i'm just saying they got that sheriff

fucker they have some things are pretty good though yeah well that sheriff is i mean you know

i like that that like when that sheriff first like in 97 98 99 i was reading about him and

He didn't do all the stupid

anti-Obama, anti-Emberger shit yet.

He was just being like tough sheriff,

or rapier, or whatever his name is.

He started chain gangs again and stuff.

I was like, fuck yeah, this guy seems pretty cool.

I remember he was streaming.

He was the first to stream

video of the

booking of the jailhouses and shit.

There'd be fights there all the time.

I remember being able to

watch that shit.

I gotta say, they're still on.

I would assume, well, a lot of

of like i think a lot of jails and stuff like do video like at least like the book the pre-sentencing

and stuff that's all streamed online now i used to watch uh i think it was locked up or something

like that and uh isn't he the one that does the tent city or some shit too yeah uh it makes

everybody wear like pink underwear and jumpsuits and shit tent city and then like the rotten bologna

and the sandwiches and then i think what else there's no there's no music or tv there's just

one channel and it's it's him reading stories and disney movies and patriotic music something

like that yeah yeah then they had a riot once because the image was like dude this is fucking

bullshit like we're like i guess he took away coffee for some reason and all this shit so they

rioted and like they ended up in the end like they they they agreed we'll stop the riot if you just

let us have coffee again and i'm like okay and then it like this was a riot i had also heard uh

recently he took away like salt and pepper packets to save money he's like fuck you guys you don't

need it yeah dude yeah it's something crazy like um i think he was quoted saying that it cost more

to feed a dog at the animal shelter than it did to feed an inmate at jail wow i'm pretty sure he's

on the he's been on the record saying that yeah yeah that's i mean controversial he's a tough

i mean they keep electing him there for whatever reason that's well yeah the voters keep liking

whatever he's doing so yeah they're probably he's probably getting elected now over shit that

doesn't even have to do with his job as sheriff like the whole obama thing and the immigration

bullshit well i guess i would have to do with it the way he's spinning it like you know we're

gonna catch them you know and get them out of here anyway bullshit i'm done sorry guys sheriff

for arpaio sl migra es la migra es la migra yes he is when you see him run are you gonna vote for

obama this next uh time carlito you can't yeah sure can i know zyklon damn it i forget which

one of the prankers does that all the time calls people and asks if they're gonna vote for him

again okay would you vote for him again that'd be a good like a survey call did you remember you

remember i was doing those calls during the the vice presidential debate the day that it happened

and that night i was calling doing surveys in california because i was sure they were going

to be obama supporters but i can't right but i kick in and rodney supporters and i would ask

him a question and like it's like 11 o'clock at night and shit and i'm asking him like you know

is that because you're a fucking asshole something like that a while ago huh yeah that was like

before the 2012 election it was right before you know what i would really enjoy is after obama's

out of office if he like came out and said no no the uh birthers were right i wasn't born in this

country and you can't do that i would fucking love it like he just trolls me he's like they

were right bitches it'll come out like you know like now it's it's not widely talked about or

known but like if you know half your shit you know that like we knew the japanese were going

to attack us world war ii stuff like that you know you know the russians are really the ones

that pretty much won World War II,

although we didn't contribute to it,

they had Germany pretty much on its back at that point.

Also, the one thing, too, you've got to think about the Russians

is that they actually kept the Japanese tied down, too.

Yeah, well, they scared the Japanese into capitulating.

The Japanese were more scared of the Russians entering the war

than they were of those nuclear weapons

because the Japanese mentality was like,

all right, you know what?

We know you're going to fuck up our cities anyway

with a land invasion so we're gonna fight to the last person because you want to you want to try

and kill the emperor which means you want to basically try and kill jesus christ to us

so we're gonna fight until the end you know but when the russians got involved the russians hate

the japanese so much they have such bad blood seriously going on a long time that they were

like all right the russians are going to come in here and like fucking rape and kill like really

fuck us up uh it was the russian entry after that's why after the after the first one went down

it was after storm yeah russia then entered the war and and it was after that and then we did our

second bombing of nagasaki the day after that it took all that for them to surrender here's one

thing though is the japanese were defeated in 1939 against the russians by a certain marshal

named Gorgi Zhukov.

Marshall Zhukov.

He got his fame by

whipping the Japanese

in 1939.

And then later on, there you go.

Whipped the Germans.

I didn't know that. That's actually kind of cool.

Look into that cat.

What do they call it?

The Great Patriotic War, right?

Yes.

Yeah, we call it World War II.

Anyway, blah, blah, blah, blah.

That's actually what I got

earlier. I got myself

a good old fashioned Kalashnikov

except not made in Russia

listen

let's rapid fire some Indian restaurants

and I'm going to go take a break

we'll come back and we're going to check Request a Prank

and keep the show going for a few more hours

I feel like I can do this

keep going for a while

but we've been blah blahing around

so I'm going to wait on the break

I'm still craving the boncho

yeah he's still going to get one for you

that's right

Not only have we been talking for a while, we also had a bunch of bum numbers in here.

I've already got one up on everybody on Vodchards today.

Okay, do you get a dick suck?

No, I got that tech support scammer.

You got a blumpkin.

Yeah, hello, is this an Indian restaurant?

Yes, it is in the Port Valley.

Yeah, I'd like to place an order for some filthy food.

Sure, for you.

Yeah, do you have any of those chicken tikka masala?

I do.

Yeah, okay, one order of that.

And I'd also like one order of filthy papadums.

Yeah.

Yeah. And then, so do you also, do you sell that, what do you call it again? Palak paneer.

Do you do that?

Yeah. So that, do you make that cheese fresh in your restaurant?

You do.

Great. Hey, I'm going to, I'd like to come over. I'm going to bring an aluminum bucket

and I want to have your, you make your mother come in front of me and I want to milk her

titties into the bucket and then you can make me some fresh paneer. How about that?

Are you bringing your milk?

No, I'm going to bring an aluminum bucket, and I'm going to get the milk from your mom's titties.

Yeah, you bring it to your mom's milk, and I can make it, buddy.

Yeah?

Yeah.

You want me to squeeze it out?

Yeah, how about it?

I'll bring my mom, and I can do that.

And you can squeeze her, and then you bring your mom, and I'll squeeze her.

No, I can squeeze your mom.

And then we'll mix the milk together.

Yeah, you can bring your wife and mother in two hands.

And I'd also like one of your ponchos.

show it? No, no. In India? Yeah, tell me. In India, we don't have any missionary

to, and a cow, you know, but we use hands. I know, I have more

experience how to squeeze milk. Bring it. You say that? Yeah.

In India, you mean you use your hand to squeeze the man's penis? Yeah, I have to squeeze milk,

and I did it that, and I have more experience that.

You bring it to that, and I can squeeze it milk, and I can

fresh milk and find out you. Hey, shut up for a minute.

Do you use the hand

To squeeze another man's penis

I don't know that

I think you do

I'll come in and you can do me

And I'll do you

Target love

I'm reacquiring the target right now

I think his point is

Because they worship fucking cows over there

I have more experience

He said they don't do missionary there

But they use the hand

I think that's what I thought. That's what I heard.

That was weird. How do you get milk

with the missionary? You titty fuck

your mom to get milk?

Yeah, you do. Really tried to escalate

it. Bring it, buddy.

He's going to answer this time. Sorry, this mailbox has

not yet been set up. Well, fuck it.

You want to try to change it? Okay, do you guys

know how? I don't. Here.

I do. I'll give it a shot.

I don't. You can do it, big guy.

If he answers, sir,

can you send me the voicemail when I call back?

We can use the mic.

We can just line down.

Hello?

Hey, boy.

Yeah.

Hey, I wanted to make an order, please.

Yeah.

Okay, one panikofta.

Yeah, I have that.

Okay.

One mother.

Yeah, your mother?

No, I don't have a mother.

She's dead.

I don't have any, too.

Oh, okay.

You son of a bitch.

Bring your wife, maybe.

How about you and that tight little asshole?

No, not you.

Your tight little asshole.

You asshole.

You have knives and mustache.

I bet you do.

You know what?

I haven't packed like almost three months or four months.

Bring it.

I have a lot of stock in that.

Oh, yeah, you do?

Yeah.

You're ready to blow?

I can fuck you, too.

Oh, you're ready to blow?

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Okay?

Okay.

Come on in.

I'm still here.

I'm nobody here, and I'm free.

Okay, so where?

Okay.

You want to do the bathroom?

Yeah, I have a nice bedroom, babe.

Ooh, nice.

Okay.

Yeah, come on in.

I bring condoms, okay?

Yeah, no, no, I don't need that.

In India, nobody use.

Oh, that's right.

I need motorplasty.

You asshole, you using that.

We never use that.

Because they're too big.

Our country don't need that.

They're too big.

Yeah.

It's not too big, but it's nice and sharp and spicy.

More hot.

Yeah?

What do you want?

Do you want a sack?

Yeah, okay.

Oh, man, come on.

I'll be your little bitch.

Come on, you old...

Hey, can I pet you like my little chicken?

Are you coming?

Can I come over and I want to pet you like a little chicken?

Pardon me.

I cut chicken a lot.

I can cook chicken.

can i can put your remote i can put it around no no we'll sit down on the couch anything you want

on the couch and you sit on my lap i'll pet you sometime sometime we do that when you coming baby

yeah so what is coming in right now where are you welcome back to echo machine how many months

i'm gonna bring a cow in and fuck it i'm gonna call it your mom's

all right let's call this fucker back and set his voicemail up all right cool yeah that's right

We were trying to, but he decided to entertain us.

He decided to fucking be full of piss and vinegar.

Can I talk to him on the answers?

Okay.

We're going to try to set this voicemail up and he'll pass it on.

Motherfucker, why are you picking up the phone, you cocksucker motherfucker?

I got another call coming, bitch.

Hey, Bacho, hang the phone up.

Yo, Bacho.

Why are you hanging?

Talk to me, macho.

Daddy Marilon.

What?

Daddy Marilon.

Ulu Kapata.

Why are you hanging?

Two people talking.

You said, okay, I'm talking to one person.

What?

Petty Chode.

Durhala Halani.

Manacho.

Petty Chode.

What?

Madarchod.

Petty Chode.

Mother Sir Brian Chode.

Gandu.

Gandu, you, Gandu, you motherfucker.

Hey, sir, can I order a, I want to order a cheeseburger.

You guys have steaks.

Hey, I got a question for you.

I have a nice, I have a nice, my own thing.

You want to put it there?

Is it, is it pronounced Banchode or Banchode?

Bhenchod. Bhenchod. You mother.

That's how you pronounce it? Bhenchod?

Bhenchod.

Where you been? I saw a long time. I haven't talked to you.

I was missing you.

Come front of me.

You mother.

Come front of me.

I'm not afraid of you. I'm looking for you.

You are not the blood of your father.

Gondu.

Son of an owl.

Kuda.

Gondu. Where you been?

Come front of me and I'll show you where I've been.

What?

Come front of me and I'll show you where I've been.

Okay, show me.

I'll tell you where he's been.

He's been inside your sister.

I don't have an sister, Brian Church.

Your mother.

My mother died recently, Brian Church.

Yeah, that's why.

I fucked her to death.

Because his penis was too big.

I was fucking her.

It was too big.

I fucked your mother to death.

Oh, my God.

I told you.

I can fuck you, too.

Oh, my God.

I used to have experience.

I can fuck you.

You keep this up, I'm going to fuck your father to death.

Yes, you have experience with gay men.

Because you're a gandu.

I'm not gay.

You're gay.

That's why you call me.

You're a gandu.

We know.

You have experience with that.

I'm not a gandu.

You're a gandu.

Yeah?

Sir, what do you get going on over there?

I think I heard a goat.

Look like a gay.

Yeah, it sounds like a fucking goat.

You're a gay.

Look like somebody fucking you.

Look like a nice boy and a back fucking somebody.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, man, you're so having fun, you gandu.

I am a gay man, and I will show you how to fuck.

Sounds like a fucking bard

They do that noise again

That's what it sounds like when you fuck them

I want to use it

He's trying to go back to the bard

You go, he left

He's still here

I want him to make that noise again

I told you he was going

I got a couple of ways

To make a loop of that

That was fun

That was a good number

Yeah, he was.

Gotta save that one.

88278-8509

You know what I hope?

That when you die, put your GPS

in your box, door at the bottom.

So when you die, you open up

the door at the bottom, you check the GPS

and you go straight to the hell.

House Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

Better than a woman. We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman, ever,

ever, make you who you are.

Because I gotta be me.

hmm well hello everybody carlito back from break six minutes as promised just as promised with me

here should be big ken big big baz and baby zyklon hi guys you guys there i'm here good

zyklon's here big evil arty big arty what's up man hold on i gotta pause okay yeah you don't

want to get that echo hey big arty joined us on turbo boost last night oh yeah arty you run turbo

boost cool man yeah cool you have a good time see now i gotta listen to the turbo show i didn't do

any pranks i just came on and that's cool that's good too that helps all right anyway and turbo

went for like six hours or so last night i have to listen to that part so i have to pinch it off

well i got more indian numbers here but hey wait a minute before that i did say we're gonna look

gonna request a prank let's see what we got over there i don't know there was that request to call

charlie was there okay we can do that can you guys post this number there for me please you got i

think turbo called charlie last night yeah it was really pissed off when you guys heard

where's my gmail i lost my gmail oh shit man

Fuck you, Gmail.

Seriously, fuck it.

And our good friend Charlie, they are open right now.

All right, excellent.

Chinga tu madre.

Which I'm only guessing what he's trying to say is chinga tu madre, all right?

Is that what we figured out?

Yeah, chinga tu madre.

Or chinga tu madre gue, which is a Mexican way of saying it.

And he did live in California for a while, according to his bio information that we got from Big Dialer Machines.

so that would make sense i guess all right i'm having trouble here with gmail go ahead you were

gonna say please yeah i remember one of the calls he said uh he spoke mexican rather than spanish

yeah that's right well he probably had mexicans that worked for him at some point you know

probably got mexicans working for him now email issues almost resolved hang on all right yes i

do have request to print excellent laptop like nobody's business all right here's charlie

What are you doing? Is Charlie available?

Charlie's not here.

Where's he at? This is Dwight from PepsiCo. I'm here to make the Pepsi order.

Hold on.

All right, thank you.

They did this the last time, though, when they put his son on.

He's an asshole, too.

He's the golf player.

If you want, I'll be Larry, the order supervisor.

Should I wait, or wait just an eternal wait?

Yeah, just wait. One of them will get on the phone, either the daughter or the son.

so is the daughter of the one that i said was in russia in jail yes hello i'm dropping them

i dropped them sorry ken you're breathing a lot in the mic tonight sir maybe adjust your machine

a little bit your microphone position machine uh nan and curry here we go in washington oh we had

a whole few of them that i had already i've eaten there i've eaten there so many times

really oh yeah yeah oh it is it's awesome really good it's actually uh they have pakistani dishes

this too so you can get order beef on the menu oh yeah all right let's i'm gonna give him shit

about that we can we can you've called them before i've given you this number yeah okay

lonesome just happened to find it too that's awesome this guy gets pissed off he'll get mad

small world oh good that's awesome look you guys made a connection oh touch your dicks together

now in the chat room hey how are you honey how you doing honey hold on thanks for holding here

Hey, how you doing, honey?

Oh, I'm good.

Thank you.

I like to make an order.

I think he just put an Indian curse on me.

Yeah, he did.

He did.

He said solo, which is like thief.

Yeah.

You know, it's funny.

I know that lady that answered the phone, so I could actually envision her face.

She kind of just like rolled her eyes and went, oh, here's them again.

She's actually a very nice lady.

Can we talk to them and claim like I'm your roommate and I'm pissed and you said a curse

word to my roommate and I'm all pissed?

All right.

Do you want to do that?

Why not?

We might get them angry.

All right.

Here we go.

We already got them toasty.

Why not?

And then I got a question for Artie.

Artie.

Big Artie interview coming up.

One of the best traditional Pakistani Indian restaurants in the Northwest.

My ass.

Let's hack the machine.

The kitchen closes 30 minutes closing time.

Sign in order 45 minutes before closing time.

What do you do?

Monday through Thursday, 1130.

Fuck it.

All right.

Artie, what have you had to eat today?

Just out of curiosity.

You have Burger King?

Oh, you don't want to know what I've had to eat in the last 24 hours.

What?

Well, last night, me and my buddy were hanging out around midnight, and all that was open

was McDonald's.

Come.

Okay.

And I spent $33 on that bitch.

Holy shit.

At what time?

At midnight?

Yeah.

Wow.

Just on you?

No.

on both of us okay still that's a lot wow did he eat as much as you did no i had about 20 bucks

worth 20 bucks worth of mcdonald's fast food so what did you have do you can you recall i'm just

curious um i got a mcrap two mcdoubles two chicken bacon ranch mcchickens and a filet of fish okay

No fries? No fries at all.

Fuck fries.

Just empty carbs, right?

Yeah. Totally.

Alright, cool. Do you get a drink or no?

Fuck a drink? I got a sweet tea

and they got this new thing. It's a

chocolate-covered strawberry frappe.

I heard about it. It looks really gay to order

though. Dude!

It's so fucking good.

You know what? This McDonald

talk fucking pisses me off.

Get rid of my hot mustard

fucking sauce for my nuggets.

Really?

I never put sauce on my nuggets.

I don't know why.

I do.

They're dry as fuck.

McDonald's, I don't.

Wendy's, I do.

But McDonald's, I don't.

Wendy's, I do.

I do have to give them a hand for putting in a nice replacement.

They got that Habanero Ranch nugget sauce now.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

By the way.

That's good.

Yeah.

It's confirmed.

This summer, McDonald's, some of them are doing 24-hour breakfast from now on.

The rest of them are going to be moving to extended hours up until noon during the week for breakfast.

If it takes over, they're going to make it national.

That's because Taco Bell is opening up for breakfast now, too.

Exactly.

And they're going until 1130.

Yeah.

They're going until 11.

They're going until 11 with their breakfast.

Dude, yeah, Artie, you got to check this out.

They got like a taco waffle.

Isn't that what's up?

and you drizzle syrup on it yeah that's how they also see they've had at the taco bell that uh is

nearby here they've had uh that breakfast for like three years yeah you were in the test market

probably yeah it might have been because like it went away after like about a year and i just

thought maybe nobody fucking went for breakfast and it tanked yeah and uh but now they're busting

it back out down in orlando on international drive they have test shit like that all the

the time because they're getting people from all over the country from all over the world

flying in to go to disney oh yeah universal so they test it out there a lot yeah it's crazy

that wouldn't work in orlando that wouldn't or that would that would oh what yeah it's it's a

really that's why olive garden is based out of there the darden restaurants actually all of

it has a new menu too yeah we're basically yeah darn space in orlando we're considered uh bum

fuck egypt up here in seattle so we don't get the stuff until it passes the test markets

You're California's Canada.

No, that's Oregon.

That's California's Canada.

Who says that?

What's his face?

Stephen Colbert on the show.

Okay.

Blah, blah, blah.

Request a prank time, guys.

How about that, fellas?

And then we got a whole bunch of Indian ones we can do.

They're actually in the chat right now.

They're a little further up, but I can get them still.

So Nunu sent me a premise for UK calls and chat.

I'll post it here if I can.

Yeah, hold on.

And something about them stealing webcam pics.

Here it is.

We're redoing the whole network, by the way.

I was supposed to talk about that.

Oh, I have two things I'm supposed to talk about.

I got two things I'm supposed to talk about, sir.

I have two things I'm supposed to talk about.

Oh, well, the first thing I had to talk about was that Tabachi needs help with the prank call archiving project.

You remember that?

Oh, we were doing that last year.

We got a lot of prank calls out of that, out of the old archives from the Madhouse show.

You don't remember that?

Okay.

Yes.

How long have you been listening for?

Not too long?

Yeah, I don't remember your voice yet.

Oh, yeah, for a few minutes.

Okay.

You know Tabachi, right?

You know Tabachi?

I'm sorry.

That's Baz.

You know Baz, right?

Yes.

Yeah, he's a cool guy.

Yeah, hey, hey.

Yeah, Artie's here, too.

I don't know.

You know Artie's here tonight?

Yeah, God bless.

Yeah, all right, see you.

Bye, God.

Yay, he knows me.

He knows us all.

He doesn't know Artie, apparently.

That's where he drew the line.

He's like, oh, fuck that.

fuck that guy i don't know sorry no all right the first thing is that we're redoing the network

machine uh we're going to be deep we're going to be kind of refocusing the prank call network we

got here so we're renaming it first of all i'm not giving up a name yet but we we're also kind

of just pulling resources a little differently wait are you talking about a new name for madhouse

yeah well madhouse is going to be just my stuff you know i'm saying because what's going on

there's a there's a confusion there's a brand confusion let's say between madhouse carlito

and my show and my pranks and then you know madhouse the network you know brad show and

everyone else's show turbo and giant and everyone else let's say so i'm to be fair to everybody just

so i'm not like i'm taking all the credit or i'm not it's not that anyone's complaining i just

think it's because look to be honest i might one day want to get out of it i might get tired of it

i may not be able to do it anymore and i i wouldn't want me shutting down my madhouse

meaning the end of the other shows i don't think that's fair to all the other hosts um that are

putting in a lot of time and building listeners and you know so i wouldn't want to just leave

people dry so i say let's make the network separate and all run it together and then we

all have our own i'll have my own madhouse thing and brad has the phone losers thing

the cypher hit with

is Mason Eagles.

This is Grace.

Hi.

I'm calling from the pigeons.

It's a pain in the butt, pain in the ass to get everyone on board on the same language.

which I really don't think we're going to host, like,

an archive of all the shows on the network, you know what I mean,

other than what's on the Mixter showreel.

That's it.

Because other than that, then we're counting on everyone

uploading them correctly and editing them correctly

and putting them in a place and then bandwidth and problems like that.

Because Dabachi was doing it, but it was taking up a lot of time, A,

and, B, he ended up getting suspended because of the bandwidth problems.

It was too popular.

I don't want to get into that.

so um you can archive your own stuff if you're a host like i'll have my own archive at my website

with madhouse shows brad will have the phone show on his website etc etc you know and everyone down

the chain you know so it's going to be more like a place where all the links are together to point

you in the right direction you know and then we'll have the chat on there and we'll have

the mixler account on there you know what i mean so that's where you go for the live stuff

stuff and then you kind of you know i mean i'm just more almost like kind of like not not that's

not a social network i'm not saying i'm making a social network for prank calls i'm just saying

it's kind of just a different approach towards it so that's what i'm talking about that was the

first thing the second thing is tabachi needs help with the prank call archiving if you're if

you're a new listener to the show or if you just happen to be one of those that are just going

through the madhouse archive a lot of people do that especially when they first learned a madhouse

and if they like the show

they say, well, I'm going to check out all

of the Madhouse show and you'll start from

2005. A lot of people do that. I'm surprised.

A lot of people do that.

But if you're going through those dates, get with

me or Tabachi. Let me know.

Either of us know. He's in the chat room

as Tabachi. He needs help time

stamping. Just basically

you open up Notepad and when you hear a

prank call, you make a note of the

time that it happened

and you do it for a whole episode and just

Just communicate it to either of us, however we set it up with your email or text or something.

Anyway, that way we can get lots of prank calls that we can share because then we use

that to go through and take out all the prank calls from all the old Madhouse shows.

There's a lot of good pranks in there that never got edited out, and that way we can

have a nice little archive going.

We have two full years done and half of another, but this show is going on nine years.

years the ninth anniversary is in may so that gives you an idea of how much work we have to do

with nine years yes no shit yeah well june i'm sorry june june will be nine years 10 it'll be

a 10-year anniversary yeah i started the show in june of 2005 as a matter of fact zolar started

then too zolar is still on and he's he started a week before mine or he started like six days

before i did the friday before i did my first thursday show back in pcu radio back in the

brill building all right so that was the two bits of news new networks to bounce records off each

of his heads right yep that's right so uh a revamped network and a rebranding we can call

the madhouse for that let's call his all are is he on he might be doing a show combined shows i do

do that sometimes i'll see i'll see what he's he hasn't talked to me i made a promo for him

and he uh didn't respond to me i did online yeah i know he's he doesn't answer me sometimes

let me send him a message i'll send him a message first we'll see he might be on i think he goes on

thursdays it says prank calls jet prank call japanese hotels what it says right now on his

status is that what i see hotel evacuation on youtube all right so he's promoting a new youtube

grant call hotel bukkake and you guys do uh i love the uh solar carlito tag team calls

yeah he's he's a friend people like him milkman arty um where is milkman i just i haven't had a

chance to talk to him and i feel really bad because i know i've been doing shows for a few

weeks now because i came back and i haven't had him on i just i don't know i don't know why i'm

an asshole i'm a bad friend that's all i can say you don't have any excuse for it i'm just a bad

friend i'm a gemini okay we do stuff like that i'm not saying it's right i'll call him tomorrow

he's okay i'm just ignoring him for no reason no good reason to be honest with you for no good

reason you know what i'm saying you know how people do that sometimes other people you do it

to me all the time fucker yeah because but you call a lot and he calls a lot and that's why

sometimes i break the ice and give him a call right now no no he's gonna be upset if he's like

like oh you know how he is first of all ken's on the ground with us he doesn't like ken for some

reason he doesn't like sloth for some reason i don't know why he got upset he said i don't like

that sloth guy when sloth first started hanging out with us right in the chat room it's like i

don't like that soft guy i'm like why he goes he chats too much i'm like it's a chat room it's like

yeah he's talking too much i'm like okay man he got upset that i blew him off because of that

that was like an argument about that and he just hates ken because he's an asshole i don't know

something about ken just sets him off it sets him off when ken is on the show with milkman at the

same time from the beginning to end i had a negotiation i had to negotiate after midnight

i could open up the lines remember that that's because of milkman because he hated it he's like

oh we're not playing any fucking games yeah i would like to say that that's coming from the

guy that like gave you my ops in the chat room and everything yeah milkman was the one that gave

gave me those yeah yeah you see weird right i don't know and uh rb is saying in irc that

none of us like sloth really no no we really don't i just use uh kek is trying to open the

window the door and i i'm loud my wife is sleeping and i don't want to be loud so i have to close

myself in here well my cat she hates the door closed i don't know why she wants to keep her

eye on me ever since i got hurt she always wants to keep her eye on me she's so weird

Good cat.

Yeah, she's a good cat, but she doesn't want to stay in here.

So if I try to close her inside here with me, she's like, uh-uh.

And then she starts meowing really loud and ruins the show.

Anyway, Zone 2 is the username who has sent us a phone number in Minnesota, apparently.

Right?

Recently got fired from State Farm, bad-mouthing company and boss.

Sorry, a guy who is bad-mouthing State Farm after having gotten fired.

Okay, well, we can call from the corporate office, right?

That's not what I do.

All right.

Unfortunately, I don't have this gentleman's name.

Well, I do.

It's a female named Sammy, S-A-M-M-I, Lockwood.

I'm guessing that's a female.

Could be a man, but you never know.

Maybe he calls, like, loss prevention saying that...

Is that really responsible?

Weren't we trying to change a voicemail?

What happened with that?

Oh, they didn't get answered.

Oh, and then we forgot to call him again.

All right, hang on.

Shit.

Your call has been forwarded to...

Oh, damn it.

I completely forgot.

You guys didn't remind me either.

Do you guys remember the number?

You guys saved it, right?

I didn't.

I think you did, or at least we poked you to save it.

Yeah.

I was prompted to, but I did not.

Which number?

The Indian guy that we had a back and forth with there.

Let me see if I can find that.

Which one was it?

Was that the one in Oregon?

Sounds right.

Oh, yeah, the bunch in Oregon.

Shit.

I think he even tried to call back.

Dude, I don't remember which one it was.

Shit.

Which one was it?

Well, just look for the one that we called three times.

Oh, yeah, true.

In the log, right?

Hang on.

That's it.

Oh, God.

There's so many numbers in there right now.

Added, added.

dude that's international sorry guy uh listeners just a moment oh uh carly though after we call

this guy can we call a couple 7-eleven to see if we can get them to pull playboys uh 7-eleven to

pull playboys yeah if uh yeah you can help me by finding the number i can't find it's too much for

me to do to find the numbers at the same time oh yeah that's no that's no biggie yeah but if you

can help me with that sure no problem i'll do it yeah i've got like five pulled up right now

7-Eleven sells Playboy?

No.

Yeah.

Do they?

Yeah.

Where?

In the West Coast?

Pretty much all of them do.

Man, they do in Michigan.

They're behind the counter and covered up.

I think they stopped in Florida.

I don't think so.

RDM, you've never seen them probably.

No, I've never.

Yeah.

I know Chicago does because we did it once before with Laugh Track Matt.

All right, hang on.

I've almost got this Indian's number.

Okay.

I mean, is Florida considered Bible Belt?

Call one of my 7-Elevens and I'll go and see if they pulled them.

This should be the one right here.

Okay.

It could be conservative.

It's a weird place.

All right.

Link your zip code in chat.

I'll see if we can find yours.

Skype would quit being a whore.

Yeah, I'm waiting.

I was about to dial one, but I'm holding on for you, baby.

Yeah, I think it might depend on the region, maybe.

Like, on their internal corporate region.

Maybe they make the decision.

I don't know.

I'm waiting.

My fucking shit's all froze up.

All right.

Okay, I'll do another one.

You do that.

I'll head up.

I'm going to head up another Indian restaurant here.

That was like crunching an empty beer can after he said that.

I miss that Thursday night show.

That 24 hours, it was fucking awesome.

I had so much fun during that.

Actually, did you hear me?

We've got to do that again.

We've got to make that a Thanksgiving thing.

Which one?

The network.

The Thanksgiving 24 hours.

Yeah, the prank-a-thon.

Yeah.

Yeah, definitely.

That was fun.

That was so much fun, yeah.

Artie, were you around for that?

I don't think I already heard about it, right?

No, I was trying to come over, and you fucking disappeared, bro.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

True.

Fucker.

Yeah, see?

I am an asshole.

Okay, the Indian guy, set up.

I had brownies for you and everything.

That's true.

Did they have pot of them?

Yeah.

Fuck yeah, man.

Are you coming up this Thanksgiving?

Yes, hi.

I'd like to make an order.

Right now, we're closed.

Oh, why don't you open your legs?

We're open again tomorrow at 11 o'clock, 11.30.

Are your legs open tonight?

night you know what i mean no we close already 9 30 your legs your legs hey can i squeeze your

breasts for milk for paneer paneer yeah yeah i want to milk milk you like a cow cow milk yes but

i want to milk milk you i want to milk your breasts oh sorry you don't be sorry baby honey

baby hey dude it's okay next time you do something like that best do jumping jacks while you say it

You know what I'm saying?

That sounds so creepy.

Okay.

All right, let's see if we can set this fucking voicemail up.

This bitch will stop answering.

Now they don't want to not answer.

Why are we going to change it to?

I don't know.

We'll do a grading and something detrimental to their business.

Did you answer it, Ken?

You dumb fucking.

Hey, bitch, we're trying to get the voicemail.

Don't pick up next time.

All right.

I'm going to slide down.

Could someone give me the slide dial number?

I forgot it.

I don't know it by heart.

It's on my cell phone.

Hey, stop it.

Seriously, don't pick up again.

Turn your phone off.

And actually, that's not a cell phone, though.

That's an actual, I think it's forwarding.

It's a motherfucker.

Isn't that how Charlie used to do his number?

Yeah, he does.

That's how Artie found, Artie, you're the one that found it, right?

Yeah, I don't know.

It's around.

Don't worry.

It's here.

let's call charlie sell forget it guys he's just gonna keep yeah sorry let's wait a little bit

yeah we'll wait a little bit hey you should call charlie sell okay charlie sell it is

trying to do that fucking pepsi order and he's giving me the right around shit

charlie i love charlie i want to see him one day man i'm telling i'm gonna go eat there and he's

actually i'm gonna tell him who i am like hey i'm the guy man i started this make sure to bring

something to record if he starts swearing

you crazy you know he'll probably be nice to me

probably you crazy you know he'll say

that probably and then he'll probably give me a

I'll give him a noogie and I'll get a haircut

I mean I'll slap his parrot right

in front of him I'll get a picture with him yeah

yeah he'll have a parrot I'll get a picture with him you think

I won't do it you should do this all

after he serves you your food

yes well that's obvious

of course

sit there and be like eating

your rice like

yeah definitely i will have someone i'll say i have laryngitis i'll point at someone else to do

the order and then just go up to him and say hey charlie hey charlie this is dwight i need to do

the pepsi order that's my bad isn't it he doesn't want to talk to dwight is the issue you guys

let me talk to him if he picks up so was actually saying fuck you hello oh he's doing it too now

come on he's at the restaurant you can hear the dishes so they were lying earlier he said he

wasn't there yep thursday night he's got to be there thursday night ladies and uh forget it he's

gonna play this little game with us too we'll give him we gotta do this on a night other than

thursday we'll call the restaurant ask for mr sigh or whatever and uh instead of charlie and

and they may pass you through.

I'll have to wait a little while.

Okay, give me a second.

I want to name this because right now,

the way I have it saved, it's just as a number.

It's a long story.

Let me edit the context.

That's a cell, right?

Charlie Cell.

Yeah.

We'll get that Charlie Cell.

You guys can't see it on your end, but I do.

Okay, yeah.

Okay, call the business again, you said, buddy?

All right.

That's way too bad.

Otherwise, they'll suspect it's just us again.

I think if you ask for it, instead of ask for Charlie,

just ask for his last name, like Mr. So-and-so,

it may pass rather than, hey, let me

fucking talk to Charlie. Well, Nunu knows his

full name. He's got a weird name. It's something

Psy. I think it's Mr. Psy. Psy is his

last name. Yeah, his first name isn't Charlie, though.

It's something else. Nunu. It's a

Chinese name. Yeah, last name

is Psy, but the first name is, it's with a

C, but it's whatever. It's

Mandarin. Ching Chong. Yeah,

Ching Chong. Ching or something. Ching Long.

Yeah. It's

like everything I've seen calls him Charlie.

Yeah. All right. Let me speak

the ching chong ching chong chang look spirals greek island restaurant here we go let's order

some uh malacca it's been a while since i've done that malacca i called my father-in-law

two days god memories no answer there in response here is our answer to poppy's

p-o-p-p-i that has a pp in it uh and it's a greek restaurant standing on the corner

is an alleged brother dressed in blue, green, red, and black,

and spouting the news that the revolution is coming,

and you better get ready.

So, like, the end of the world is coming.

Unfortunately, the world is just going to drag on and on.

We have a poem that we've written.

All right, gateway to India instead.

You want to try a 7-Eleven?

Yeah, did you get the number?

Did you post it already?

Yeah, this is the one for Artie.

All right.

There, it's in chat.

Is this an Indian place?

Yep.

You want it?

Nah, I'll do the 7-Eleven.

Okay.

Well, I'll take it.

Okay.

Hi, you reached gateway to India.

Sorry, we are closed right now.

Yeah, it might have been too late on these.

It is getting late, even on the West Coast, for food.

$9.56.

Try one more, and then we're going to have to move to Hawaii and Guam and other areas.

They have Indian places on Guam?

I think there's one.

We would have to call them Indian, but we have to adjust our target package.

Maybe we ought to call it Indian place in India.

Hello.

You have reached an...

Okay.

Busy now.

Fuck, I think they heard me talking.

Shit.

7-Eleven?

Hi, who am I speaking to?

Elizabeth?

Hi, Elizabeth.

This is Larry.

I'm calling from the corporate office of 7-Eleven.

We actually have an issue with some of the magazines in your store.

We have actually gotten a complaint from Playboy Corporate about the February issue of Playboy.

Do you have any of those issues in your store?

Pretty sure we don't sell Playboy here.

Do you carry any adult magazines?

I'm pretty positive we don't.

Can you give me a second so I can go look?

Yes, please.

All right, $20.

Or $3.57, sorry.

Elizabeth, are you there?

Yes, I had to ring out customers.

Okay, it just went blank on the phone.

I did not know if we had lost you.

No, we have no magazines.

No magazines at all?

No, all we have is newspapers.

papers hmm that is very strange we had magazines but they're currently not in the spot that they

were okay i guess they've already gotten to you thank you for your time okay bitch damn it the

whole magazine whole magazine rack is empty it looks like it i stole it before you made the call

that's not what i was expecting okay the filipina so um in honolulu filipino restaurant i was gonna

tell you baz uh andy's there now he's in philippines with the woman you know oh yeah

well sorry i said are him and the dead swinging uh no but listen they can swap

up that's my best friend in the dead and they both live in chicago dude what are you trying

to do that could happen hey that could happen hey i might get in on that isn't it dead with

like a uh sub-definition chick that nurse whatever they lost yeah they're always fighting

dominican anyway uh andy explained to me that there's a lot of regional dialects here that's

why because i asked him to ask his girl uh to give him peck peck and he said whatever she said

it is obviously isn't what you think it is and i said yeah to us it's supposed to mean fucking you

know it's like yeah she said it kind of does but it kind of does it just depends he says there's a

bunch of different dialects oh there's there's a dozens yeah dozens of dialects yeah that's yeah

and then i also said um the peg peg she knew about that though she knew peg peg about eating

i mean there's some uh some provinces where they don't even understand any tagalog it's a completely

different language pretty much it's a half spanish half shit right that they got some places yeah

it's got a name too i forgot anyway hey all right so filipino does someone want this do you want

this bad bass yeah i'll take it all right bass here you go big bass filipino restaurant oh i

want to save that indian guy now that um we went to the trouble of finding him what should i save

him as back and forth indian guy okay back and forth in right all right it is now served back

Back to the conference I go, and that number did not pick up.

I got another 7-Eleven.

Did we want to mess with them also?

How about we can do a survey call, you know?

Those are always good.

Yes.

Yeah.

A what call?

We have to set up some customers.

A survey.

Will we call from the corporate office and say we want to talk to a customer?

Or do what Nova said.

Get them to pretend to be corporate.

Get them to mix Diet Coke and Mentos.

Yeah, we've tried that on Ice Goose's show a bunch of times.

They never did it.

Sorry.

Well, I heard once they did it.

He wasn't doing enough.

7-Eleven.

Yes, hi.

I'm calling from the corporate office.

I'm putting Dr. Baz on the line.

What?

Dr. Baz.

Go ahead.

Yes, hi.

This is Dr. Baz from corporate.

I was wondering, we're doing our weekly customer service.

Sorry, our customer satisfaction survey.

Do you have any customers in the store at the moment?

Yes, I do.

Yes.

Would you mind putting one of them on the line, please?

We just would like to ask them a few brief questions about their level of satisfaction.

Okay.

Hold on.

Thank you.

I'm reading chat.

I'm reading it.

Hold on.

Is this the one?

Hello?

Yes, hello.

Is this a customer?

They don't want to talk right now.

Has anybody been buying Skittles and tea tonight?

No.

Okay.

So they do not want to talk.

Oh, bitch.

She hung up on corporate.

Yeah, Trayvon was in there.

Trayvon.

That's not the one Trayvon.

The area code was in 407.

I just posted what I saw in chat.

Yeah, I know.

I saw that too, but it wasn't because it's a 254 area code.

That's not.

Sanford's 407, right?

Okay, hold on.

Call back and tell her her job is in trouble because she hung up on corporate.

Okay, I found some 407, 711s.

Let's try those.

Some guy wants to know what the song or the name of the artist to the song you're playing in the background.

yeah that was uh let's see if this picks up or not then i'll tell you is it this one i'll play

it gentlemen in the chat tell us if it's a song please answer here no answer on the second call

this is off it's a wu-tang album that's called think differently uh the it's a mix of artists

it's not necessarily wu-tang it's it's some of it was uh some of the artists and groups that are

kind of under their tutelage you know on a little independent label they're running this one's the

the one before this oh it's the one before this i don't know this one's bronze nazareth anyway it's

it should be off of that same album think differently if it was the one before this

it was listen right this one yeah this is also bronze nazareth same guy it's off the same

street corners i'm sure you've seen it yourself anyway yeah again the album is think differently

it's a wu-tang collaboration with some of their homies the song in particular was called listen

the one that's playing now is street corners and this is actually a song by the rizza himself

called biochemical equation the beat is by mf doom blah that's how i ended up on this album

okay we get the hard rock cafe in saipan yeah ernie you say what no ernie's on guap i'm never

mind oh yeah you're way off jackie how can you rock your road hey you got that guitar over there

hard rock yeah you got guitars over there on the walls motherfucker wait hard rock oh god

Are you stupid or something?

You don't understand what I'm saying?

Oh, no, I cannot.

Sorry, it's hard to hear.

Oh, I think you're stupid, too.

I was asking if you have the guitars there on the wall.

The service is kind of bad.

You're kind of stupid, you know that?

No.

Ma'am, do you speak Tagalog?

No, I'm English.

You're English?

You don't sound English.

Yes, can you make me some crumpets and bring me some tea?

And masturbate.

And wank.

Do you wank?

If you really want to know how to rock my world, baby,

come on over here and get some of this sweet Dwight meat.

Dwight meat.

Ma'am, this is a serious call.

Please don't waffle and hem and haw at us.

We want answers.

I have a bologna sandwich for you.

Can you put a...

Tube steak.

Dwight has...

Do you need to call a manager or something?

Yes, immediately.

All right, okay, hold on.

But first, before you give me a manager,

i need to know the size of your tits okay hold on wait man how is this bez and dwight machines

incorporated okay hold on it's a business call business call business call thank you for

waiting a little good afternoon hi hello yeah how do you say their bottle how do you how do

you say their bottle nose this is david snozzwell i'm on the phone with my associate dwight i'm

gonna put him on the phone he's gonna say things to you how are you doing i was calling uh trying

trying to get directions to your location.

And the last lady I spoke to was very vulgar.

That's why I asked to speak to you.

Oh, sorry for that. I'm sorry.

She started telling me her breast measurements

and what color her panties were.

Sorry.

Is this the type of service we should expect

when coming to the Soft Cock Hotel?

I'm sorry, sir.

Are you calling the...

What number are you calling, sir?

Hard Rock.

Hard Rock Cafe.

do you talk to any particular person here?

Yeah, I want to speak to the person with the biggest tits.

With the what?

The biggest breasts.

Hard breasts.

Pestices.

But I think you're, um, um, please stay away from, um, things of sin, um, because, like,

actually, I can barely understand you, but the thing is, from the, what's coming from

your, from you, it's, like, something that's, is that allowed?

Um, no, it's not allowed.

I need you to press the button.

Tell me your pussy.

Is it okay if, um, yes, um, sorry, hello?

Pussy, pussy.

Is it your, your...

Pussy.

Is it your, your voice is fading, like...

Pussy.

I need to see your vagene.

I want to see your vagene.

I'm sorry?

Machine? We don't have...

I want to see your pussy, vagene.

I'm sorry? I'm sorry, sir.

You know, it's like the voice

intermittent. I cannot quite understand you.

Your pussy, vagene.

I'm sorry, but I have to drop

this phone call.

You can call back again, sir.

I'm sorry.

Don't you ever call back again.

That was just a really weird call.

That was. I shall take you to

a vagene for the first time.

You never heard bottlenose before,

Artie? That's funny.

I was going to ask her, does it hang like a sleeve of

wizard?

She gets some of this Dwight meat.

That cracked me up.

I don't know if you meant them

to be like white meat on purpose, or

if it just came out like that,

that would crack me up. I was like Dwight meat

as in white meat.

how about us hey what's up hey i'm gonna go sign out i gotta go to work tomorrow morning so i will

see y'all next week hopefully all right sweet dreams bye baby all right let's see is that

going all right that was kind of sudden sell some guns i have a question what's up will there be a

420 show this year april 20th yeah i guess because 420 is easter sunday oh snap what are we gonna do

well i'm gonna be in colorado you are yeah i was wondering if you were down legal weed i'd be down

yeah if i can walk sure yeah fly me out there dude dude yeah 420 in colorado is going to be

off the chain this year isn't it dude i found this place it's like 500 a night but it's like

you rent a fucking mansion snap it's like five bedrooms no arty they're tricking you it's like

like 12 men one bed it's all it's all it's the fbi that's some bullshit uh i don't know that

that's when we should do our madhouse meetup 420 colorado that'd be nuts my god yeah and i'll get

shit face because it's day before my birthday fuck yeah man and then we'll stay out there for

a week yeah we can have a birthday show on seriously can we do a madhouse meetup i mean

Wouldn't that be awesome, but we've got to get everyone on board.

You know what I mean?

I really want to.

We'll call and order some fucking Hitler birthday cakes.

Yeah.

We'll get Milkman out in Colorado.

Yeah, you imagine Milkman.

I'll get me, Milkman, Artie.

You'll fly up, right?

You'll be down.

Yeah.

He's got disposable income.

There you go.

That's a start.

Who else can go?

Baz can't go.

Depends on where it is.

Yeah, I probably couldn't.

Yeah, exactly.

He's got a baby.

All right.

Yeah, I'd have to get my hose out on the street selling that ass so I can come on out.

Because you're poor.

Yeah.

We might have a Northwest meetup sometime.

There's a lot of us in Washington now.

Maybe I'd just do a Madhouse tour.

Fuck it.

If I had enough listeners, I'd do that.

I don't have enough listeners.

What are we going to do?

Do a tour?

Are we going to hit, like, five cities and have, like, two people show up at each point?

I don't know.

You go to Chicago, here comes some live track, man.

Just fucking scooped up.

Carlito!

But Chicago would be fine, because I'd have at least three people show up.

In Chicago, I'd show up.

I'd drive down there.

It's only three and a half, four hours away.

Yeah, see?

I think Chicago's the best bet for a meetup.

If it ever does happen, you've got a lot of people closer.

Well, I mean, it's a major hub.

Even from Seattle, you could get a fairly cheap ticket to Chicago.

I could see Laugh Track Matt rolling up to Carlito and asking him,

like, we're all sensual.

Are you in the blood play?

There you go.

and what about the 10 year anniversary show that'd be all if we if we plan now the 10 year

anniversary we do it i do it live in front of an audience that would be really cool i think that

would be really cool everybody doing their shows yeah well i was thinking about what i was saying

we just have to rent out a hotel a hotel conference room you know if we raised enough money to do that

oh fuck that let's just like rent out a real sleazy like fleabag motel like we'll rent up all the

rooms the whole fucking it just caused a ruckus yeah we'll leave all the doors open call the other

rooms we'll leave all the doors open just hang out all night we're calling the front desk complaining

about the other rooms this is bullshit yeah this is both you should get somebody out in the hallway

filming the uh the manager and the security guy going to those rooms that'd be awesome and then

you can also dress up as your favorite madhouse character like jack masterson eddie garcia i don't

I'm dressing up as Dwight

I'm walking around in flannel

I'll get a fucking cigarette

Get out of my mouth

Walking around with my bop

You're going to be the janitor

Do I have the janitor?

Uh huh

Badger can wear a chicken costume

Yeah

I'll wear the chicken costume

Alright

I'll wear a horse

I'll just wear

I'll be me

I'm going to have my cigar

And a captain's hat

You know

I'll be

I'm set there

That's all I need

No seriously dude

You know

10 year anniversary show

That's a long time

You've got a long time

To plan that

Alright I'm down

happen i will i will do everything i can to make that happen but it's over a year i mean yep all

right so it would be june of 2015 late june something like that hell yeah all right well

there we go the seed has been planted now we need people smarter than me to help me out and make it

happen what do we gotta do a kickstarter we should do a kickstarter there you go if i can figure out

it's gonna cost this much to get the space to do it right and get the equipment there you know

know microphones laptops etc whatever it'll take right and if enough people were on board you know

but if i can figure out bottom line how much it would cost to break even i would do a kickstarter

we could do a kickstarter for that amount and but it's all you know and part of the kickstarter

thing is you consider it like you know a ticket to the event yeah what would get too loud what do

you mean well no we could do like a soundproof thing that's totally doable it could be a

soundproof thing going on right i don't know there's gotta be a way yeah you better watch

how arty because i'm gonna drill a fucking glory hole just above the headboard of your

stick your dick in it to keep it uh the sound from leaking through it so you gotta

you gotta do it we'll have turbo there he's the uh madhouse uh glory hole engineer yeah

with the machines that do not go all right more pricks do you imagine the wreckage

at that hotel room or the whole hotel after our stay no why we're not like that you are

you'd be the one you'd be the problem you fucking you pee in hotel um trash cans and shit oh it

happened again when i puked in the hotel lobby when where and when at the wedding i went to

nice very classy okay we need a good arty arty story time let's hear it arty arty comes in

fucking get pissed they're showing people's tvs on the floor fucking breaking them and shit

were you drinking it's my turn to make a call you motherfucker i'm guessing you were drinking

is that what happened well i was at my cousin's wedding and it was an irish wedding so

shit happened okay you got laid by your cousin no i didn't get laid but i i was found outside

with like my legs in the road passed out okay in the road like a busy road or just like no

No, like the road in the hotel that goes under the thing.

It's like his legs were in the road, but he was in his room.

I woke up in the hotel room with no idea what had happened.

So you blacked out?

Seriously?

That's bad, dude.

You're blacking out, man.

You got to watch out.

I've been telling you for years now, man.

Come on.

Be careful with the drinking.

I worry about you sometimes, man.

Whatever, man.

You wallop.

Oh, you wallop.

it sounds like everybody from

about to arrest you because you were laughing

drunk on the on the grass

giggling I wasn't hurting anyone

yeah but you were making a scene and you

were drunk off your ass and you were 20 still

right no I was like

22 I think you were

still or you were 22

21 or 22 so there was a cop

like why like coming around to you like he was

getting ready to fucking he was thinking

about it dude because you can't just be

drunk out there making a scene he could

the rest of you thrown you in the drunk it was labor day they would have thrown you in the drunk

tank yeah you would not have gotten out for like days it was a holiday you would have been stuck

there like a motherfucker for like at least three days in the drunk tank with all those drunk

motherfuckers puking everywhere oh man yep i stopped drinking at like 6 p.m i woke up at like

3 a.m still shit-faced dude all right anyway so that's that happened and that happened

Okay, how about there's a Java Joe's.

It is in the Northern Mariana Islands, which is an American possession in the Pacific.

It is Java Joe's, an internet cafe.

No, it's the country?

The Northern Mariana Islands.

Okay, yeah.

You know what that is?

You want to call the hotel where the wedding was?

Yeah, yeah.

We'll ask about the pee.

There was no pee, just puke.

Oh, I thought you said you peed.

And I destroyed the room.

No, you didn't.

Good afternoon.

Hello?

Hey, good afternoon. Hello, how are you?

Yes, ma'am. It's good. Yes, sir.

Yes, we would like to do some business, make a reservation.

Okay.

So, can you make this happen?

Yes, my name is David Staswell.

This is the Internet Cafe.

Oh, yes, the Internet Cafe. I'm sorry.

I'm intoxicated, ma'am.

I've been drinking heavily ever since I arrived here on the Marianas.

Irish wedding.

I've been drinking coconut wine.

And I'd like to come in and hook up my laptop and surf the Internet.

Can I do that?

Come here and you get the drink, you can use the internet.

Yeah, do you have those dirty websites?

Dirty websites?

Yeah, the dirty, dirty websites, you know, the ones, the pornography.

Maybe I don't know, sir, my supervisor is not here now.

Is it possible, can you call tomorrow?

Absolutely not.

No.

Yeah, during my visit, lady, I'm going to need you to come over there while I'm looking at these dirty sites

and uh uh play with my dwight meat this is a hard cock oh my god i got something like what she laughed

yeah i was kind of but dude you know what the what's up no go ahead buddy what's up you know

what the best part about this drunk experience was what i had flown tasha up that night and she

got in at midnight and i was passed out oh you can do nothing you can fuck her huh well my buddy

body sergio the cab driver you flew her up you flew her up yeah for the weekend in new york city

no shit are you still with her what's up with her uh let's talk about that another time oh god

that shit always a drama with that girl okay uh hey uk numbers guys and also request a pranks

what would you guys like where should we go next i can do either uk is always fun all right let's

do some uk i'll get those recrustoprax radio i love beating off of their wheelie bins yeah

the wheelie actually just brought my wheelie bins in because uh they picked up today really what i

like to do is drill holes like four or five in a wheelie bin and i put this really hot hooker in

them it's a mobile fucking glory hole unit fuck yeah man fantastic all right i'm going from the

top of the list here in our skype conference again with me tonight is ken baz and arty evil

arty do you want to go by evil arty or arty or what anymore man i don't know all right okay

i'll say whatever are you are you still evil yeah well the evil was because it looked like

an evil version of arty lang uh oh okay i guess you kind of do that too but you got to grow now

you got to grow the beard out um art yeah what do you think i'm trying oh you are you're trying

He's trying to look more like Artie Lang, the guy who's been...

Not to be like Artie Lang, but I want a fucking beer.

All right, cool.

Hey, Artie, quick question.

I know it's been a while, but are you still fucking that chick with the stinky snatch?

No.

That was a one-time thing.

That should have been a no-time thing.

But you did get that charger back, right, for the laptop?

What do you mean?

Because you had left your adapter for your laptop at her place, right?

I got a new laptop.

that laptop's fucked okay all right there you go all right she shipped it back to me i just

remembered yeah i thought you did and she paid for the shipping yeah fuck her anyway so here's

uh peter adams from the top of the list this is in england versus london bristol big gay town

big homosexual big time hello good morning the adams residence yes yes uh this is david

David Snozzwell calling. How are you today?

No, I do not. Can you please tell me what time it is?

No, it's fine. I was asleep and you rang before. Who are you?

I'm David Snozzwell. I'm an American traveler and I will be at your residence in about 30 minutes as per your invitation.

Yeah, we were chatting. We were chatting online yesterday and you said you sound like a nice.

I was chatting with you, ma'am.

I recognize your voice.

You talked with me online yesterday, and you're coming to stay with me?

Yes, because you told me I sound like a nice bloke.

Oh, you're kidding.

Who the hell are you?

And you wanted me to come over and give you a good rogering, and I said I could do that.

You know, a good shag.

Who the hell are you?

I'm David Soswell.

David Soswell, and you can give me a good shag?

Well, I don't know who the hell you are, but all I'm saying, it's disgusting.

Oh, it's beautiful.

It's love, man.

It's a natural thing.

It's beautiful.

It's good for you.

Good for me.

You just sod off and disappear.

Do you hear me?

Don't you dare phone this number again.

Okay.

Bye.

Hello.

Hey, Aaron's here.

What's up, Aaron?

That was too good.

What's up, Brent?

Brent Westwood.

I lost it.

you filthy sod oh shit i'm saving that one there filthy sod that was awesome yeah that was pretty

good how you doing man what's going on big guy i'm doing pretty good i'm talking to you on my

android device oh what's up babe all right good sounds pretty good man i'm glad you're here with

us oh does it good yeah probably sounds better than when i used to do it yeah no you suck so

Go fuck yourself.

Because you put the phone right up your fucking ass.

Yeah, I have the phone.

Yeah, I don't have the phone inside of my mouth.

So, it helps.

Deep and throat and whatever.

Oh, it's good to hear you guys, man.

That's been a fucking crazy few months for me.

Yeah, you smashed your thumb?

Sorry about your thumb, man.

Yeah, did you see the picture of my thumb?

It's really bad.

Yeah, well, I didn't see the picture, but I heard you explain what happened.

i'm sorry was it a work yeah yeah yeah you didn't see the picture yeah no no no you gotta look at

the picture post it in the picture the the picture is of a thumb a hand wrapped up with a penis and

it says i smashed my thumb oh that's horrible well i'm glad that i didn't look at it then okay

carly does apologize too i'm sorry about your thumb man yeah and then c is a good thing i didn't

open it then you're a real dickhead all right peter but what's what's the last name there barnard

what is it barnett barnett uh f-u-c-k are you doing here the eagle said to the pigeons like

what the f-u-c-k hello hey how you doing there uh how you doing there bro i'm uh calling trying

to get a hold of peter hello listen bitch let me talk to peter i'm sorry who's speaking

this is dwight i'm dwight i'm dwight and i'm an american man and i have a large penis

and I require to talk to Peter.

Peter, I'm afraid my husband, Peter, has passed away.

Well, I hate to break this to you,

but I won you from Peter in a poker game,

so you are now my woman.

Well, I won you from Peter in a poker game.

You are now my woman.

I own you.

I bet you'll kick out of here.

That's terrible.

You got to say it was a few years ago.

You threw a ship on a napkin?

Hello, honey?

Hi, I'm the lawyer.

Hello, this is Bob, blah, blah, yellow.

Okay, nothing.

Let's let them rest in peace.

Peter Kappelman on 15 The Old Orchard Machine, Bristol, England.

A woman answered there.

Partly the same situation.

Dead man.

Kappelman, Barrio Tornosa.

Please leave your message.

What the fuck is going on?

What the hell?

Sounds like Aaron's kids over there talking.

god damn kids god damn you kids i know you're just itching to tell a kid to shut the fuck up

that's right seriously i heard carlito talking about big pussy pumpers on the on the uh snow

plow show the other day that was pretty good right no there was yeah oh what the fuck was that

the recent show that i did with the uh oh god the survey call yeah i can't remember i just caught it

it on the uh pla or something okay it might have been a different one but yeah big black pussy

pumpers it's always fun peter jones try this one all right hello hey there you old bitch is uh

peter available hello is is peter available calling uh yes this is mr brent westwood calling

from america i have a large penis you're disgusting i know

sorry i laughed oh man it's been too long since we referred a british woman to tell

brent westwood off yeah that was awesome that was good they don't like me i don't know what

the problem is something about maybe you said you have a big penis i don't know yeah oh that

might have something to do with it or that i have like my teeth are white and straight so that kind

kind of put this off-putting to English people.

It just pisses them off, that's all.

Jelly, or gel.

Yeah.

I tried to get a hold of your sidekick there, Mr. Cobra,

but I was trying to get him to join also.

I think that he either was or is in Hawaii right now.

Oh, you're right.

Yeah, he said he was flying.

Yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right.

He said he would give up the number to his hotel.

8-5-2-1-2-6?

Yes, hi.

This is 5-2-1-2-6?

8-5-2-1-2-6.

2-5-1-1-2-6.

Copy that.

No, I'm sorry, you've got the wrong number.

This is Peter.

Peter Prideau.

Pardon?

Peter Prideau.

No, I don't know who you are, but you've got the wrong number.

No, I'm looking for Peter Prideau, accused homosexual.

Oh, Prideau, yes.

Yeah, he's...

Why are you ringing so early in the morning?

We're rounding up homosexuals, so we have him down as a confirmed homosexual.

Pardon?

We have them down.

Don't be so stupid.

We are not that.

I know he is.

I have evidence.

The Ugandan homosexuals are back in the news.

Have you heard about this?

What are they doing now?

Passing more laws to murder them?

Yeah, more laws to murder homosexuals in the street.

More ways to kill them.

Great.

So is it legal or they won't?

What is it?

No, I mean, yeah.

There's been a parliamentary thing or something like that happened in Uganda against homosexuals.

i think you get a medal now for doing it wow and the sad and this and you know what the sad

fucking thing is that it's all um it's because of um american evangelist preachers down there

so that's right that have gone there yeah exactly it's they're they're they're this

generation's missionaries yeah fucking terrible yeah and they're making money and they're

spreading this and they're in the ugandans are taking it way too far

They're like, we really want God to love us.

Hello?

8-5-2-1-2-6.

Hello?

8-5-2-1-2-6.

Five.

Yes, I have you.

This is Peter.

I have you down as a homosexual confirmed.

What's your problem?

Well, I'm supposed to transfer you to Aaron to talk about that.

He's supposed to round you up in his buggy.

Go ahead, Aaron.

Anyway, I think I should report this call.

Oh, who are you going to report it to?

Is it an American voice?

Yeah, no, this is an American.

Big penis, big dick American.

oh yeah well just get off the phone no i don't think so i'm gonna call you back nice beautiful

teeth nice straight nice teeth oh boy all right big big penis american

cut you off god there aaron saw i do that now that's something i do now i open i introduce

the calls now i've been doing that a lot lately right bass i like it and here i was eating a

a girl scout cookie show oh yeah it's girl scout cookie season i had four of them on sunday it was

great one of those little fucking bitches came into work and i bought 20 bucks worth and i think

i i guess last night i had an entire box for dinner wow man all right what kind uh was a mix

of the the the delay jay and the uh samoa's samosas whatever samosas yeah the mint one's

That's a good one.

Yeah, that's what I'm eating now is Thin Lens.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's an ice cream, too.

I've never had it, but I've always been interested.

The ice cream made with that stuff.

Okay, 156 what?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Williams, Reynolds.

Williams P. Reynolds, as a matter of fact.

Mr. Sir Williams P. Reynolds.

Anyone want it, call it out.

Hello?

Hello, good morning, you old bitch.

My name is Brent Westwood.

I'm calling to talk about toothpaste.

No, I'm kidding.

I'll call 6 in the morning.

Oh, that's okay.

Okay, you should be up having your coffee or something.

Who the fuck are you, mate?

Oh, this is Brent Westwood calling.

How are you, sir?

I'm a nice American with straight white teeth.

You're a fucking asshole.

No, sir, I'm a nice man and with a big penis.

You'll fucking call me up at about six

and I'm going to you, American bastard.

I am an American bastard with nice straight white teeth.

Yeah, right.

Get off the low, you bastard.

No, I'm going to call you back.

He's got a big penis, too.

Oh, yeah, big dick, big dick, big dick, white teeth bastard.

Hello?

Can you say my name for me?

my name is brent westwood i bet your wife would like brent west westwood's huge american cog

i'm latino we got a latin he's gone i'll call him back that was good he was breathing kind of

hard in the background i hope he didn't have a heart attack yeah you american bastard talk to

his wife like that aaron oh he was still there got some hello he was still there but it's busy

That's why I said.

I thought he hung up, but he did not.

Shit.

I'll save that as American Bastard.

How about that?

All right.

Love it.

Dirty Aaron will brush your wife's teeth with his American cock.

Yeah.

With his pubic hairs.

That's a pretty good one.

Yeah, usually they're not as aggravated.

I don't know what it is.

So you're having technical difficulties with your laptop still.

Did you fry the motherboard again?

yeah no dude i'm i'm bad well here's the problem is that i was buying a new laptop like every year

from my friend who basically was selling them because they were stolen oh okay and uh i i've

went through all those and he doesn't do that anymore so i need to buck up and just build a

whole new rig but it's so hard to go buy a pc when i can get a fucking android tablet for like

299 you know it's hard right yeah you gotta yeah it's gotta get the you gotta get the ram in there

and you gotta get the mother and you gotta ram the ram and the mother the ram and the wrong

and the rom you can download the ram now i heard that actually ddr3 you can download all the ram

you need it's pretty it's free free download i'll hook you up with torrent site to download

all right sweet all right another uk call it's been commanded to us by i have a question how

I was Ram downloaded.

It's a joke, Artie.

Thanks.

Oh.

I just jumped back in.

I was just confused.

Were you sleeping?

You just woke up, Artie?

You just fucking Ram.

No, I was out of the microwave.

Artie was interested.

I was like, I've got to download Ram.

All right.

Martin Seymour Williams.

And it's on Sodbury Lane.

All right.

Yeah.

Can I take this one?

Sure, buddy.

Yes.

May I speak with Martin Seymour Williams, please?

No, he doesn't live here.

Well, who am I speaking with?

Women?

It's really early in the morning.

Listen, you old bitch, this is David Snowswell.

Sorry?

I said this is David Snowswell, my good woman.

I don't know who you are.

Who am I speaking with?

You've woken me up, and he doesn't even live here.

What time is it?

I'm calling from the Royal Service, ma'am.

Pardon?

It's about the inspection.

What inspection?

I'm calling from the Royal Service.

It's for the home inspection.

We'll be performing the home inspection on your house in about 30 minutes' time.

so we have a list of suggestions

for you.

Please clean up any rubbish that

might be obstructing our entry into

the flat and we respectfully

request that you

hide any

ma'am, ma'am.

I do not live in a flat

so don't even think of coming here.

Yes, and please hide any dildos

that you might have lying about.

She told you.

Pick up the condoms.

yeah wrap them up in tissue paper and then you must store all those in your overhead storage

come on she ain't picking up all right let it go guys let it go next down the line i got more

don't worry for many though this birthplace of the automobile and organized labor

i don't want to hear that i don't want to hear that either listen to this okay uh there are more

request to pranks here let's do some of those and we'll go back to the uk new

pair of beats headphones for sale

in the box purchased for 300 dollars at best buy and it's for sale right now this is out of

waco texas i don't think they'll answer this late they're stolen anyway fuck they were gonna get an

answer there so we're gonna skip over that i didn't have a high probable high expectance of

that working anyway um we get a request here to call someone and ask them if the refrigerator is

running and tell them that they better go catch it sure why not anyone they sent the number with

no name i'll do it whatever number doesn't pick up anyway uh i'm gonna write out the rest of these

numbers from uk godfather one of them did pick up and wasn't too bad i think uh i think it was

bad as i talked to the guy right or all of us did i don't know no i did right yeah i was griping

i was complaining about stuff to him yeah okay all right here's another one we got about three

of those left i'll knock those out for our good buddy uk godfather hello and welcome to our

voicemail show fuck you all right next one coming right up speaking of fuck you want to mention i

I downloaded a copy of Mike Tyson's Spike Lee-produced Broadway run.

It's actually out on DVD.

I downloaded a copy of it, watched it.

It was excellent.

Very good.

If you're a fan of documentaries or Mike Tyson himself, I highly recommend you watch it.

He's fucking crazy.

I'll have to download that.

He's up there like a defanged lion, just pacing back and forth.

You're just waiting for the guy to snap one day again.

He needs a face tattoo.

Well, Dwight was sexually attracted.

hello yeah hey mike tyson would you be interested in going to see him he's coming to town huh he's

a champ or whatever it's got a face tattoo oh stupid uh then i get then he had a he had a 10

episode reality show reality series um that followed him yeah about him and his fucking

doves or what pigeons or whatever yeah well it wasn't a race pigeons motherfucker well i said

the first episode was good it was on fox sports but the first episode was good it's him and

evander holyfield hanging out and i was like oh shit that's kind of cool to actually hang out

they're friends they're like really good friends and they hang out and shit i uh watched one

commercial uh i forget for what company it was but it was like everything is right in the world

and it was fucking uh tyson knocking on evander's door he's like here evander and he's like it's my

ear he's like i thought you should have this back what the hell yeah i'll have to find the

commercial but it was it was fucking hilarious was it really him or just someone playing no it was

really him okay sounds funny it was like just a bunch of people that had always like fought and

quarreled and shit and they were making up and stuff like everything's right in the world

that's what mike tyson hang out with i mean imagine what the conversations like between

two guys have been fucking shell-shocked god from punches it's well yeah they talked about

Because Holyfield got in trouble recently.

He was talking some crazy shit now.

Was he talking about that he punched a horse, right?

Didn't he say that?

Oh, my God.

I know I missed that part, but I know that he has a fucking amazing grill.

It's way better than the George Foreman grill.

Well, he's selling sauce.

Mike Tyson's helping him sell his sauce, the barbecue sauce, too.

Yeah, I didn't know he had a grill.

I'm going to have to check that out.

It's better than the Foreman, huh?

Good.

I don't know.

No, I think it's exactly the same, except for it's just Evander Holyfield.

It goes to the left.

They're just like panini makers, but, you know.

Yeah.

Fuck.

Yeah.

Hulk Hogan's had one.

I think Mr. T had one.

All those fucking guys.

Actually, the Brent West one is coming out.

I just made a deal on those.

Brent West's the grill.

It grills penises.

The rebranded Gordon Ramsay one.

Nice.

Can we get a discount on that since we're affiliated with you?

Yeah, man.

yeah absolutely i'll send you guys a few okay all right awesome uh cow penis yeah well listen guys

that wrapped up uk godfather's numbers i'm gonna go back to lonesome and clear out his stuff and i

think that's it we're gonna call it yay i don't think we have that many left here we got four

numbers left angela williams etc did i already post that or did we already try that no we didn't

okay i'm gonna repost them hang on because i'm confused footlocker about what now footlocker

dwight well right there is the uh the commercial i was talking about the one minute spot the foot

locker did okay all right i'll check that out this sounds like it was the super bowl commercial

or something that i missed i don't know it must have been yeah okay hey angela williams anyone

want it uk anybody anybody i'll take angela okay yeah but you will where'd it go stop it

take her hard take her all the way raw dog that bitch falls deep that's how rd does it

welcome to voicemail

they're already now that you got this money

why don't you um get yourself

a podcasting set up

and do a show do some

shows man like back

buy me one

yeah he'll suck your dick

hey I'll suck your dick

let me see your penis

sorry that was supposed to be Aaron's number

you can take it Aaron

and if he picks up what you want.

Is this the same guy?

Please?

Yeah, David there.

David?

Yes.

Yes, this is Mr. Westwood calling.

How are you?

You called me moments ago.

No, I don't know.

It wasn't me.

Were there other Americans calling you?

Can I ask who you are?

My name, I already told you my name is Brent Westwood.

Right, say it.

Can you, did you hear it okay?

Can you repeat it back to me?

Can I ask what you want?

Oh, I was going to call and sell you some toothpaste.

I'm American and I have nice, beautiful white teeth.

Suck your dick.

And I'll suck your dick.

Would you please not call again?

I'll suck your dick, though.

We're going to call a lot.

I thought he was getting ready to hang up, so I threw in, I'll suck your dick.

That's fine.

He said to call again.

I heard him say that.

You can't have don't call again.

Hello?

Hello.

Did you answer again?

Are you there, sir?

Did you want me to call you right back?

Suck your dick.

I've got these cheeseburgers, man.

it's almost like he's not mad he's just like

he's trying to be a recovering gay man

and he's like stop calling

he's like I want to suck dick

he's gonna

stop calling me you're gonna cause

me to relapse into sucking cock

again he's gonna call his mentor

I'm trying not to

he's a good alcoholic

he's gonna end up

in a bath house today

we're gonna ruin that guy's chance of

getting married

he's gonna start calling you forced me into this and all we hear is a sucking dick on the other

line yeah hey david there sorry is david there we're gonna suck his dick sorry i can't hear you

is david there yeah who's calling oh this is cross i'm here with aaron we're gonna go

aaron i'll help you out aaron go ahead please yeah hello hello we're looking to suck david's

dick is he available oh sorry he's not he's still asleep at the moment well wake him up oh that

Yeah, wake him up.

Let him know that I want to put his

British uncircumcised penis

in my mouth.

We'll wake him up.

You fucking pervert.

I just had some awesome responses tonight.

You fucking pervert.

Holy shit.

That's a new soundbite.

Yeah, it totally is.

And I got called a filthy sod.

A filthy sod, right?

it's been a good night all right i got it that they don't get upset about the water but when

you start talking about their the penises that the brits just don't like it yeah yeah man don't

talk about penis let's be ashamed of them and dick was okay apparently we said dick a whole

bunch of times here's richard chapel come to voicemail the person you have called is unavailable

yeah sad all right to talk dick all right so aaron is the host of the brent westwood show

Yo, his website is brentwestwood.com.

Be sure to check that out.

Right, Brent?

I think so.

It might have gotten taken down, but I'm not sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, go check it out anyway.

If not, then go start.

On the Facebook machine.

Check me out on Facebook.

Yeah.

Aaron, I'm about 10% done with editing that show.

Oh, gosh.

You know, that's like 2011 or something, so good.

We'll get that out maybe.

Another 90% to go.

if there's anybody out there who wants to take all my shows and just edit them down into like

one awesome podcast for free free also right it's gotta be free because you're not paying for it

yeah yeah sorry to interrupt all right see you later arty um baz has a website bazpranks.org

that's great yep ken doesn't have a website yeah but you can catch ken on every fucking show that

ever airs yep and already you got a website something want to plug big pussy pumpers

match.com for slash already match.com already it's not here okay bye guys i'll see you guys

take it easy bye-bye all right america yes all right so folks what did we learn tonight

great responses from the uk a lot of indian people that didn't pick up but the one indian

guy that was pretty angry thanks to lawson loser for confirming numbers and sending him in thanks

Thanks to Nova for doing the same.

I know we called some of yours.

UK Godfather, thank you.

Love you, man.

Thanks for sending in some numbers.

Everyone else who sent in numbers, I may not have acknowledged you or gotten to your number, but I appreciate it.

If I missed it, it wasn't on purpose.

And most importantly, you, the listener, thanks for hanging out and being here with my crazy ass until 2 o'clock in the morning my time.

I don't even know how many people listened tonight.

I wasn't paying attention.

attention i got 67 on mixler now and 163 on shellcast so i have 220 231 listeners right now

and it's later in the show that's pretty good man doing good all right guys have a good weekend

you're a real charmer bye

Calls (42, 1 h 29 min of 3 h 12 min)

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