Trust Me

We're not playing games here.

I fucked you.

You summed up that stench of yours.

You're calling us white jacks?

You little motherfucker.

I'm going to be down at that store.

I don't know who you think you're talking to.

You dope-ass motherfucker.

Madhouse Radio is live.

Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Shit on you.

Visit us at madhouselive.com.

And they call them Muppets, which is a British term that means a stupid, ignorant person.

That's why I did it.

You are lying to yourself, bitch.

oh my god all right body how y'all doing everybody's carlito i'm applying for a job

here today at madhouse radio find that i'm an asset to your organization and decide to hire me

that'd be great i'm carlito the host of madhouse radio it's been a long time since i've been on

video i'm back on youtube video there will be video but there won't be any music no music in

In order to fulfill copyright law.

Which is very strictly enforced by Google and YouTube and such.

And so forth and so on.

Tonight we'll be taking your prank call requests.

You can send them in to me and I will do them to the best of my ability.

There is a form that's easy to use over at my website madhouselive.com.

Go there and use the form and you can send your request off to me.

It's awesome.

It comes to me and I will call it.

I don't get to them all, but I try.

right uh also in the chat room send me an instant message there private message in the chat room

that also works to a certain degree all right and we got plenty of numbers here don't worry well we

can pick a target city for the night to mess around with i like to call puerto rico again

because that shit was funny we were calling puerto rico on the show on monday morning

that i did with jim stewart baz brad hey ted a whole bunch of people speaking of baz he was

is just trying to call in and i missed that let me try to get a hold of baby baz because i like

to call him he really he really resents that hey baz hey how's it going hey are you feeling resentful

today uh no not really good good all right should i be no no not yet i thought you were resentful

of me calling you big baby baz i don't know no okay i don't give a shit good good good little

little chicken very good all right i have a mustang for sale let's open up the day tonight

rather the evening of prank calls with a mustang yay for those of you wondering no i have still

not spoken to milkman i made a big deal last thursday i gotta talk to him you know still i

haven't bothered to call him he called once and i didn't pick up the phone send him a card i have

a problem i don't want to call him now because he'll be mad he's like oh yeah you're doing shows

you don't want me hello oh they hung up on me bad as they hung up why why'd they hang up i don't know

bastards why the phone hung up huh did you make a mistake i bet you the third time they'll be

like motherfucker like that yeah i think the third third time's a charm they're gonna say

motherfucking this and that kind of sorta right hey can you hear my uh i got my washing machine

machine going right here is that can you hear that nope okay good nope you're good you're good

buddy turbo joining us tonight also hey turb hey buddy how are you sir hey all right good hi baz

but you're gonna watch trailer park boys yeah fuck that i can watch that later right yep right man

uh uh what are these called tempurpedic beds i would imagine it's very you had to be really

in shape to have you know fucking uh good sex on a tempurpedic bed because i have to use the springs

for inertial uh inertia you know to help me fuck yeah yeah me too yeah you know i'm old and i'm a

little bit uh i'm not on my ideal weight put it that way well i'm just out of shape and i'm late

and old yeah i'm no spring chicken like turbo over there fucking like oh yeah like a rabbit

it no comment young and virile yeah you have a tempurpedic bed for sale okay um i was wondering

because it doesn't that's the one that doesn't have springs it's the big sponge basically yeah

big foam yeah um so it's harder to do fucking on it right because you don't have the springs

to bounce you up and down when you're fucking yeah that's yeah i'm not you can go fail what

about what about anal man well you can just stand and fuck yourself you know the funny thing is

That's the same as the last listing

I just noticed it was the same number

They did two listings

For the two items

We got a Craigslist hustler here

Hustle

Yeah, that's happened to us a few times

You already got them riled up

With three calls

And then you're trying to do the right thing

And they end up calling them a fourth time by mistake

How about a guy looking for a decent

Decent looking truck under $2,000

Go look with that

it might look nice this is not gonna run for shit has to run and drive way half way decent

what has to run has to run and drive way halfway decent okay drive oh i'm gonna question this

person what about a third of the way decent would he settle for that yeah let's try that

yeah you have a truck there yeah what you're looking for a truck i'm truck uh you're looking

looking for a truck right under two thousand dollars yeah okay all right and would you take

a nissan or red nissan i would yeah all right yeah that's nice okay good for you you got one

yeah yeah i do um what can you tell me about it uh i don't know what do you want to know like you

know how many miles what it looks like it's got a few miles it's got a few miles yeah it's got a

machine in it you know well fuck it whatever that was stupid there was someone trying to break

into my room that i do my show from for some reason i don't know why someone was trying to

open the door but i said police no no no oh good maybe the wife's saying i'm too loud because she's

just stupid your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message that was a stupid voice

of a prank call number right personally i would want a truck with the machine in it you know

that's the whole point right yeah very advantage absolutely big advantage okay well here's someone

looking for a good running daily driver in the rogersville area a daily driver like a daily

running car okay all right could you guys do one of these if you're all they want they want

somebody to drive is that it yeah yeah that's how i interpret it oh maybe it's a driver okay

sure you want to take a turbo or you want me to try it uh you kick it off bass you were here first

tell him you have white glove service black guy named butler his name is butler hello hey i'm uh

Calling about your Craigslist ad, you're looking for a daily driver, is that correct?

Which ad did you see on there?

Something about wanting a daily driver.

What do you have posted?

We had a box on there, but they sold it.

Okay, so you're not selling anything right now, or looking for any service?

No.

Yeah? Well, maybe I could provide some kind of service for you anyway.

What do you need to have done?

I'm your man, I can do it.

Nothing?

Nothing.

Yeah, I mean, I could service you in a number of ways.

put a smile on your face on a daily basis if you know what i mean yeah no i mean i could uh

service you sexually and i have my associate mr robert turbois here we're a team we do tag team

servicing and we do glory hole services as well we can install a glory hole in your home how would

you like that nice one nice what's the first best spot for a glory hole in a home i would say the

bathroom well out in the shed of course oh yeah you want to keep things yeah private discreet

or in your living room if you're an exhibitionist yeah your garage no answer on the bounce back to

that number unfortunately we move on and take a gander request a prank i know we have some stuff

there yes we do we have a number here sent in for dragon ball z cards for sale in texas 250

dollars worth holy shit first became aware of that i thought it was dragon balls like not

Not Dragon Ball Z.

Yeah, I did too.

Like around 98, 99, I was like, Dragon Balls.

What's this Dragon Balls thing?

And like the commercial, well not the commercial, but the intro had like those bald looking things, you know?

So I was like, oh yeah, they're balls.

I was calling them balls.

Let me take a look at this Craigslist ad that we're about to do here.

They have over 3,000 Dragon Ball Z or DBZ if you're into the scene.

cards for sale from the following saga storylines cyan saga namic trunks android saga cell saga

jesus i don't want to read this all fuck it all right let's just call it i have time for all this

saga so i guess this is another card game like pokemon or magic yeah yeah yeah what came first

uh i think pokemon came first well dragon ball was out early 90s in japan then came over here

It was dubbed.

Dubbed and edited, I remember.

I can't get to the phone right now.

I'm sure you can't.

We'll try again.

Yeah, my nephews were really big into that back in the mid to late 90s.

I got a weird one.

Hello?

Yeah, hey, you got some Dragon Balls?

Dragon Balls cards?

Oh, wow, yeah.

And which ones do you have?

Do you have Epic?

Dude, honestly, there's like over 3,000 cards, so I couldn't tell you exactly.

Do you have Charmander?

Honestly, don't know if there are any in there.

I'm sure there are.

Well, I don't have time to be going there looking it up and all that.

That's stupid, right?

It's pretty stupid.

It's pretty stupid of you not to know.

That's pretty stupid of you?

No, there's over 3,000 cards.

And if you're going to sit here and have an attitude and start talking shit to me,

believe me, I'm not the one.

All right, big card girl, big fat card woman.

You're right.

Trust.

Okay.

Don't call this number back.

All right, I'll trust you.

Sorry.

I won't do it again.

I promise.

You text it and you're going to get ignored too, motherfucker.

Okay.

What if I email

Can I get your email address

Wow

She's going to ignore you on your text

Trust me

Get down

Calling about the Dragon Ball Z cards man

You already told Knox to call this number back

You did not speak

She did not speak to me

You didn't speak to me

I don't know it wasn't me

I've never talked to you before in my life

Do you have nothing better to do with your time

But sit here and play on the phone

No, actually, no, we don't.

No, you don't?

Or what about your friends?

I don't know.

I don't either, no.

Why don't we come over and we can talk about it?

None of us do, really.

This is a waste of time, motherfucker.

You're the one playing on the fucking phone.

Asshole.

Yeah, you're a real big man, aren't you?

You big fat waifu with their counting cards again.

Can I come over and pet you like my little chicken?

Yeah, come on.

We can sit on the couch next to each other and I'll pet you on the head.

Come on.

You can be my little chicken.

Come on.

Yeah, come on.

kind of uh what kind of deodorant or antiperspirant do you wear sir keep going all of this is being

recorded you sound like right guard man am i right about that would you like to come smell it and

find out yes i would come on what's your address i'd like to too i'll sniff one arm and you can

sniff the other that's fine after y'all go steven both y'all put my nuts in your fucking mouth oh

yeah oh so hot so hot i just can't all fucking night come on keep it coming i got all fucking

We good all night, too, motherfucker.

This is what we do, motherfucker.

We love people who have all night.

You think you are a motherfucker?

Good, great.

Just keep on with it.

Motherfucker bitch.

Asshole.

No, your mom was a motherfucking bitch.

Oh, wow.

She was on my neck last night.

You'd be on my neck tonight.

You're a very clever man.

I am, ain't I?

Yeah, I think you won this conversation.

Bring your sister over here in front of us.

Bring her in front of us.

We'll show you how to fuck.

I have no sister.

Bring your mother.

You did not fuck her last night, too.

Bring your wife.

What brand of mayonnaise do you have in your refrigerator right now?

The kind that goes up your ass.

How about that?

Yeah, he's gay.

Oh, wow.

Will you make me a sandwich?

If I come over, will you make me a sandwich?

Analingus.

Yeah, if you suck my dick, how about that?

Yeah, I'll leave extra mayonnaise if you catch my drift.

I'll go ahead and knock your fucking teeth out so you can gum my shit.

Maybe you could just put your dick between, like, two slices of bread.

Hey, if that's what it takes to put it in your mouth, come on.

Why don't you go ahead and bring the bread?

I'm not sure which kind you like.

Well, what kind of bread do you have at your house, sir?

H-E-B brand.

Oh, yeah, that'll do nicely.

That'll do nicely.

Oh, okay, that's great.

Go ahead and bring your father, your mother, and your grandma, too.

Man, you're going to feed us all, and then you're going to iron my shirt?

You're going to iron my shirt, motherfucker?

All right, that's fine.

You got no teeth.

You got to be kidding.

All right, I'm going to go.

What?

What did you say, boy?

Trust me.

What's your occupation, sir?

Trust me.

Trust you what?

Trust me, motherfucker.

Are you like the little badass of the group?

Trust me.

You got the smartass who thinks you're taking a goddamn survey.

You want to be the motherfucking badass.

What am I, then?

There's three of us.

What am I?

You're the gay ass.

You're the quiet one.

Yeah.

You're the little following bitch.

So, since I'm the smart ass of the group, could you tell me what's going on in Ukraine right now?

Don't know.

Don't care.

You know, what's going on with Crimea and Russia and all that shit?

Don't really care.

Tell me.

I'm the smart ass.

Tell me, boy.

Well, if you're the smart ass, you already know it.

I got your boy hanging.

You honestly have no idea what's going on over there, right?

Right now, I'm trying to figure out how three gay-ass motherfuckers

ain't got shit else to do their goddamn time

but call on somebody's phone and fucking play on it.

And apparently, you have nothing better to do than

not following the fucking news over there.

You know, this could really blow up.

This could affect your life, personally.

And you have no idea what's going on.

This could affect the price of hamburgers.

Well, it hurts my feelings that you think I don't care.

I mean, damn.

I almost want to shed a fucking tear right now.

Do you work with your hands, sir?

Do you?

Are you a homeowner or a renter?

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

Do you work with machines, sir?

Big powerful machines?

I work your mom over every night.

Oh, snap.

Yeah, well, that's funny because my mom died like 20 years ago.

So you're a necrophiliac?

Yeah, my mom's dead too.

And Cross is as well.

Oh, snap.

that yeah so you're some sort of necrophiliac pervert you know what what brought you into the

whole perversion scene like did you watch that uh pokemon episode with uh like seizures and shit

again y'all are on pokemon what are y'all fucking 12 you're the one selling it motherfucker yeah

if you could actually read take two seconds pull your head out of your fucking ass

now now now the professor is getting intellectual on us yes please tell us how we're like stupid

And you're

Appreciate I appreciate it. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you know, you should just hang up the phone cuz you're a good little pussy bitch boy

Hang up the phone. Oh, I'm a pussy bitch boy

You know, obviously, you've got a lot going on in your life

because you're just arguing with people on the phone, you know?

So just hang up the phone.

Because these people keep calling my wife's phone.

What do you mean, keep calling?

This is the first time I've ever called.

That's fine, because I've already Googled where the fuck I need to Google for this number,

and your local PD will be called.

Oh, snap. Oh, snap.

Oh, oh, so, yeah, you're a real big man hiding behind the police.

Motherfucker, you ain't in my face. Get a motherfucker and go around.

You know, a real big man would, like, handle things on his own

instead of calling the police, like a fucking bitch.

Police, sir.

It's very, you're the smart guy, and you say police.

Oh, look at me.

I'm a little bitch.

I have to hide behind the fucking men in blue with guns

because I'm a little bitch fucking faggot asshole.

Yeah, you have nothing to say to that because you're a little bitch.

So just hang up the phone.

Hang up the phone.

Why don't you come in my fucking face and say that?

We command you to hang up.

You want to hide behind the motherfucker on my wife's phone?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You're the one calling the police on us, like a little bitch.

And you're telling us, like, don't hang up my phone.

We command you to hang up the phone.

You can hang up the phone.

We command you to hang up the phone.

Hang it up.

Hang up the phone.

We command you.

You're going to sound like this.

Yeah.

That's you right there.

Oh, I can't take it.

Oh.

Go ahead and call.

I'll give you the number.

I'm a fucking lieutenant commander in Starfleet.

Hang up the phone.

I command you.

I'm Special Time Agent Garcia.

see ya you know you sound more and more like little bitches go ahead and keep on go ahead

and stay on the motherfucking phone there'll be nothing to put a fucking trace on it oh snap oh

trace oh shit you think a tracer can stop us we have fucking phasers and replicators do you think

tracer scares us we're a warp capable society and a dot matrix printer motherfucker and we have a

class m planet yep we have it all motherfucker yeah good for you it is it is good for us you

are really upset about this call aren't you like i mean you you're the one that put it you're out

your number for people to call about uh whatever cards what is it dragon ball z cards or whatever

and then you get upset when people call asking about the motherfuckers she got mad because i

asked her if she had a certain card and she said she didn't have time for it she said like that

She said come look for yourself asshole. She said to me. That's not nice. Oh, no, it's not nice

How big's your dick brah? Oh your feelings hurt. Do you wanna go cry to your dead fucking mother? Oh, yeah

I'm sobbing right now. I think these other guys are too. Yeah. Yeah. Hey motherfucker

I got this guy here. He's got the Dragon Ball Z cards. Why he's got angry. Yeah, he's angry motherfucker

fucker are you angry too i don't suck dick that's your job i said i don't suck dick that's your job

get your fucking ear out oh yes you do you both do all right anyway thank you for that sir are you

still angry at us yeah we're sorry we'd like to apologize yeah we're christians you know yeah

we're sorry we're sorry we forgive we'll forgive you i'll bring you some chocolates we forgive

your wife for being mean to us okay she doesn't have to apologize she owes us an apology but

but she doesn't have to give it to us, okay?

Let me turn the other cheek.

And not the cheeks up top.

Mm-hmm.

Are you trying to say you want to look at my ass?

Yeah, we want that ass, bitch boy.

We're going to put a champagne bottle up your ass.

Yeah, tap that ass.

I'm hearing three bitch boys on the phone right now.

We're going to put a champagne bottle up that ass.

I don't want to hear about y'all speaking this.

That's y'all's business.

It's awesome.

It feels real good.

So the trailer you grew up in, was it a pleasant environment?

You know you're my neighbor, right?

Well, I mean, we're all neighbors on this little blue speck we call Earth, right?

Sir, have you ever had relations with farm animals, like pigs or cows?

No, don't get down like that.

Y'all can't.

All y'all want.

Well, we're going to invite you over to share in our pig.

We've got a pig, Pet Pig Lucy.

We also have a chicken named Peck Peck.

How many fingers can your wife take?

How many fingers can that wife of yours take?

Is she a four-finger girl?

Three or four?

You should probably just hang up the phone

like a good little monkey now.

Oh, you've reached.

It's so much easier to track down where y'all are at.

Oh, snap.

I bet you, what kind of bicycle?

You ride like a little girl's bike?

Yeah, he did.

And you like, because you liked it so much,

you stole it from her?

You were like a big bully?

It's got like a pink flower on the front,

a big basket?

Yeah, you're a big man,

like Jack and little kids, you know?

You're a badass, man.

Yeah, I haven't graduated from playing on a fucking phone yet.

I haven't graduated from playing call cream.

Maybe that's my next thing to do.

Yeah, listen.

You have a little girl's bike for sale?

Hold on a minute.

Oh, shit.

Hello?

You have a little girl's bike for sale?

Yeah.

Yeah, I got this motherfucker on the phone right now.

He's a little pussy.

He needs one.

That's the kind of bike he needs.

Okay.

Yeah.

You want to put him on it and make him ride around in it like a little motherfucker?

Do what?

Put him on the bike, make him ride around it like a little motherfucker, like a little girl, like a little turtle.

What is your problem?

He can smack his ass.

Yeah.

No, we got this guy.

We want to humiliate him.

We're going to put him on a bicycle, a girl bike, and he's a man.

Ma'am, they're getting nothing but enjoyment of calling random people on Craigslist and running at the mouth.

I have a trace on their number right now.

Motherfucker.

What did she say, sir?

Why did you interrupt her?

I was trying to listen to what she had to say.

Yeah.

Yeah, fucking learn etiquette and manners.

You know, they didn't teach you that at the trailer park, sir?

I'm mannered enough to be like two minutes away from the police station

and have your number traced.

Oh, snap.

Oh, wow.

That was that for manners.

Yeah, hiding behind the fucking boys in blue again.

You know, if you're a real man, you would handle this yourself.

Give me an address.

I'll be right there.

128 Horse Machine Ranch Road.

Did you get that?

You might try 235 Bonchard Lane.

I think he believed you.

He wrote that down and he hung up right away.

He's on his way.

He's like, just peeled that right now.

Give me my shotgun, motherfucker.

Ethel give me the shotgun Ethel

We have a number

85 Monte Carlo

Yeah

Anyway

That was the Dragon Ball Z call

That took a while

A few other numbers got incorporated there

they got riled up too yeah two of them did the two that we got the lady and the one guy

they cursed back and forth for a little bit that was hilarious suck a dick you suck a dick you

suck a dick it wasn't that but it sounded like that you're a motherfucker no you're a motherfucker

i was trying to queue up my my winamp player is not working for some reason

oh i was trying to queue up the uh chicken noise but no your winamp broke i don't know what's

going on with it i've got one on my laptop here the win app stop work and it doesn't work right

it works fine on one computer the other one i've done everything i've uninstalled it i even thought

maybe the video drivers are messing it up because i used to watch video on it uh maybe a driver

update did it because i used to watch mp4s no i don't know what i meant either i don't know

what about a vlt pass i don't have that right actually get get it installed at some point

it's free that's what i'm using on the laptop now is vlc so you can uh designate what output

put you want for the yeah it's right there in the settings yeah perfect try it yeah i will

furniture for sale guys four piece real leather living room set fifteen hundred dollars and he

will deliver what kind of leather this is real what's that mean well i mean you know you can

make leather out of a bunch of different animals so really i thought it was just cow no there's

like stingray leather and uh lizard leather and shit it was shark leather i think i've heard it

before yeah i think i've heard of shark leather shark skin no i don't know but okay yeah sure

you're right i learned that in skyrim you can make leather out of a bunch of stuff you're right

good point yep yeah all right here it is or what anyone wants to take it better do it before they

pick up for skin leather says dash he discussed your call has been forwarded to an automated

voice messaging system run again all right nothing there we give up on that we move on let me take a

a look in uh irc see what the what for is in there i see lonesome is splashing that means he's sending

in numbers that's a good a good thing uh taking upskirt photos in massachusetts is ruled to be

legal that was yesterday oh i knew i know who this is yeah so call places to find out if the women

are wearing skirts okay cool kind of creepy but okay uh indian restaurants our favorites

Indian-Pakistani restaurants

in California and the West Coast.

Here we go. Let me copy-paste

those here so you guys can see.

Our good friend Lonesome Loser here.

My man. Oh, wow.

My motherfucker. Did I paste that right?

Oh, see, you were pasting some stuff, Turbo.

Okay. I'll go to those in a second.

Um, yeah, I have a bunch of, like, leftover numbers.

Alright, cool. I'll get to those

in a second. Here's the first one I got.

Alright, I got Molly's

Indian Cuisine.

oh hey buddy can i make an order all right that's great thank you all right hello all right thank

you all right thank you yeah hey can i make an order yeah okay yeah one chicken paneer

yeah okay one turkey low lamb rogan josh general so general so chicken with chicken

General Tso.

Sir, this is Molly's Lancaster Indian Cuisine.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

Why?

Can I get one lamb curry?

Yeah, lamb curry.

Uh-huh.

One bhenchod?

What?

Bhenchod?

One bhenchod?

Sir, there's nothing like that.

Yeah, there is.

There's a sister there we can chod, right?

You have a sister there we can chod?

Motherfucker, don't hang up.

Stupid.

Tired of that premise.

I don't know why I keep it up.

Son of an owl.

Someone say something, man.

Turbo, you can piss him off, please.

I have to look up.

Okay.

I have to look up my Vietnamese curse word list.

They're not available now.

Oh.

You need to see your phone number after the beep.

Oh, ho, ho.

Smart guy.

Next one, then, is...

Next one is Baz typing and messed it up.

Tandoori Grill.

Here we go.

This one's in California.

Hello.

You have a real tandoori there?

Yes, we do have tandoori chicken.

How many gallons of semen can you put in that tandoori?

No, no.

You son of a...

Answer my question.

I'm better than you.

I have lighter skin.

Oh, man.

I'm redialing him.

Redialing him because that's horseshit.

If my mouse will reappear...

Here we go.

And if Skype will unfreeze...

Come on, Skype.

Come on.

Gotta love it.

We believe in you.

Yes, we do.

There we go.

Finally.

Released.

Nope.

Oh, oh, oh.

Here we go.

Hello?

Don't you regret it, Malcolm?

Yes, I'd like to make an order, please.

Go ahead.

All right, go ahead, Turbo.

Yes, I would like one semen curry, uncooked.

Hello?

One pollock paneer.

You want some pollock paneer?

One son of an owl, roasted.

Oh, but no.

Yeah, motherfucker.

Oh, none of that, none of that.

No tandoori grill anymore.

Okay, Karma instead.

Karma restaurant, where a Latino guy is reported to have answered the phone.

My guess is a place like Karma will not get angry.

Just a guess.

Well, if it's a Latino, we can order some maricón, some pinche cabron.

Puta madre.

That's a new one, puta madre.

Yeah, can I make an order, please?

Yes, sir.

All right, one puta madre.

Uh-huh.

One bancho.

Okay, all right.

That was really quick and simple and to the point.

My theory just went right out the window that they wouldn't get mad.

Although he cursed me in a nice, gentle way.

when do you take this same guy okay oh god damn it it's my fault because i'm adjusting a web page

uh okay nothing there vietnamese restaurant now and then i promise to get to yours turbo

as you say no rush so i'm holding you to that i have a ton of those faux fam bros that's their

name faux fam bros let's see if they're authentic or not oh it's a false house thanks oh that's

That's right. It's called pho.

Fuck!

Sorry, this mailbox is full and cannot accept new messages. Please...

All right. No answer there.

Oh, no. It isn't, Baz.

Okay. Pho Vien Binh. Something like that. Pho Vien Binh.

Yeah, I can't hear you, Baz. Bye, Baz.

Pho Vien Binh?

Yeah, you have pho?

Ah, nothing.

What do you mean?

I'm sorry?

No, I'm asking you have pho. Pho?

Pho?

What is that?

Pho pho?

Pho? Yeah.

Pho? Okay.

You mean noodle soup?

Yeah, I want one full.

Yeah.

One full full.

Number four full.

I don't understand.

Okay.

You don't have number four, the full number full?

Full?

Yeah.

Full number full.

You like full number full, right?

Yeah, full full.

Huh?

Full.

Full full.

Okay.

Do my my.

What kind of?

Do my my.

2.9?

Do my my.

Can I order do my me?

I asked if I could order fuck his mom, which is order benchhood in Vietnamese.

Full full.

Hilarious.

Stupid.

stupid carl oh that's how i felt too i got a few more of those i'm gonna get one vietnamese guy

really mad really fucking angry you know that's what i'm looking for a few weeks ago a few weeks

ago during a daytime show i did this and i got the same reaction you just heard now they didn't

get angry but they not like the shop just got to find the right place they'll get angry as hell

believe me oh yeah i i actually used to work at a vietnamese restaurant so oh yeah yeah some of

them dudes the short dudes shorter ones yeah i'd like to make an order yes go ahead one do my may

sorry one do my may i don't understand do my may money do my may one do my my sorry do my my

yeah i want one do my may do my may one do my may motherfucker damn damn here's stan v

It's a tonal thing, I'm telling you.

It's the way I'm saying it, right?

I don't know how.

The way it's written is do-d-u-space-m-a-space-m-a-y.

So I don't know if it's do-ma-may or do-ma-my.

Yeah, one or the other, probably.

It's hit or miss until I have one of them confirm it back in anger.

Hello, can I be a restaurant?

Yeah, are you Vietnamese?

Are you a Vietnamese?

Yeah, I am.

Do you speak Vietnamese?

Yeah.

Okay, and English, of course.

What is do-ma-may?

What does that mean?

I'm sorry?

Do-ma-may.

Does that mean anything to you?

I don't know.

Is that the name of the food?

Do you know what do-ma-my is?

Have you ever heard that?

I'm sorry.

I don't really understand.

Oh, I'm trying to say fuck your mom, you know?

Do-ma-may.

Is that right or no?

What's that?

I'm trying to say do-ma-may.

It's supposed to mean fuck your mom.

God, at least one of them could explain.

Do we have any Vietnamese listeners?

I don't think so.

If we did, we offended them years ago.

That would be pretty awesome.

Yeah, it would be.

I don't know who would confirm this for me.

You know, I got a co-worker who's Vietnamese, but I'm not working right now.

But if I was, I could ask him, hey, how you doing?

Well, and the thing is, it's fucking tonal, so it's really hard.

Yeah.

I could be like, do my thing.

Hey, can y'all hear me now?

No, yes.

Yes, Baz.

Peck, peck.

Excellent.

Peck, peck, beck.

Hello, this is Officer Matthew.

Yeah, do you know what do my may is?

Yes.

You know what do my may?

Sorry, what?

Do my may, you know what that is?

Sorry.

All right, can I make an order?

I don't know.

Maybe they're figuring it out.

She kind of reacted to it.

I don't know.

Yeah, she definitely figured it out.

Yeah, okay.

All right, well, I'm done with that.

I'm going to take my sunglasses off, too.

Don't even know why I had them on.

Not everything's super bright.

Let's play some music.

Getting an incoming call from a weird area code.

I'm not answering it, guys.

Sorry.

I think so.

They can leave a voicemail if they want.

There is a voicemail that was left here a few minutes ago,

but it was only one second long just a quick hang up no message left unfortunately uh here's a

number out of request a prank for kelly who has a great ass ask her who she's being fucking and

about her pussy lips she's british keep all the numbs i send you for monday if no answer he says

okay or i can pass them on to you right turbo you can call the yeah i'm gonna make that booty talk

Make you clap.

Your choice of music is interesting, I must say.

I quite enjoy it.

It's right up my alley there, Turbo.

The music that you play during your shows.

Good work.

I play random things.

That's all I like.

I really do think...

I'm sorry, but the person you've called...

Oh, goddammit.

Please leave your message.

I really do think DMX needs to bark more.

Him?

Or Rick Ross?

He's another one that barks.

DMX is the original barker, though.

Yeah, you know, he's got pitbulls.

in all of his videos.

Yeah, and cigars. Sensei.

And, you know, he lives here in Arizona.

Oh, does he?

That's a weird place. I knew he was a West Coast

guy, but I didn't know Arizona.

He's in Phoenix or something?

Probably, like, Paradise Valley.

Slippin' and fallin'.

Oh, we got good.

I think I've got my shit working.

Have your shit pushed in.

Welcome to the O2 messaging service.

The person you are calling is unable to take your call.

Shit. I'll try that again.

Again.

Too good for goats and chickens.

Apparently.

We got some Compton Craigslist also.

Why anyone would want to go to Compton on a Craigslist ad?

Jesus.

All right.

Compton.

Out of Compton, California.

Cash money for your junk car.

$1,000.

Calling all cars.

We pay top dollar for any junk car, van, or truck.

You don't even need the paperwork.

You know what that means.

Nice.

So, you mean that car that Lysol gave us, we could unload it?

Totally, man.

I got these cheeseburgers.

So, a black answered here.

Let's talk to him.

A black guy.

I totally meant to say black guy.

Everybody in chat room, let me know.

Has the video been working okay?

Do I look all right?

Is it coming up?

Thank you for letting me know.

It's on dark right now, but I'm doing nefarious activities here.

I'm adjusting my testicles.

I'm trying him again.

You know, every guy's got to adjust his shorts now and then.

Well, I'm completely naked right now.

In the summer, I do the show naked sometimes.

No, Enigma and me, we're in the naked club.

I would be too, but it's too cold down in this room that I'm in.

I'm going to start injecting synthol into my arms.

Nice.

You know what synthol is?

Oh, yes, I do.

What is that?

Don't tell him.

I'll look it up.

Yeah, it's...

It's how you loosen up when you're in space.

Okay.

Is it?

I'm talking about the shift that bodybuilders do to make themselves look like they got muscles.

oh i thought you said i thought you said synthahol no that's the star trek no no no no when i first

heard about it i was like synthahol like they called it that now synthol is uh it's like a fat

that you synthetic fat you inject in your muscle tissue and it pumps it up and bodybuilders are

starting to use it looks like you're ripped but you're actually like a weakling okay yeah you

yeah you can have a little bit of definition but you can end up like fucking super ripped and

i guess some dude named jake cutler got caught some big time heavyweight uh weightlifting champion

got caught using it in his arms it was a big brouhaha or something he was in a competition

and then there was like this other dude he was flexing so hard that his muscle like

broke and the shit started the shit started dripping out on stage it's fucking weird looking

he flexed so fucking hard it just just started running down his arm oh god it made that noise

like farting noise oh shit all right i started injecting myself with a crocodile it's great

oh dude don't do that shit you're crazy that stuff is uh i thought you were a scientist you

know you got to get the pure desomorphine yeah man you got you can get your hands on that pure

shit right yeah no you actually need a da license to buy that stuff i mean the pure shit's really

really not bad it's like better than heroin it's just uh the impurities like doing the street

fucking shit it's it's bad news all right pardon me um we got a number here for a guy who's

switching services try to reclaim his business uh i don't know what you mean let me look at the

uh a guy who's switching from direct tv to u-verse okay so not really a twitter complainer

but kind of along that line just a guy saying he's ditching one for the other okay uh that's

an upgrade well what i i mean i'm gonna call him and say good for you if you're getting u-verse

because i think u-verse boxes have like four tuners in them it's fucking nuts dude you know

what i'm gonna get um tomorrow i'm gonna be calling comcast i'm gonna tell them i want a

cable card sent to me and i'm gonna get this box that i found you can just install it somewhere

on your land and you have the coax coming into it uh into the cable card that fits into it and

i think you can end up with like it's like a little mini dvr um and receives all your cable

channels but you can receive them on your local area network you can receive them on your land

on your tablets on your other machines and stuff like that yeah so i'm gonna be totally do that

so i can watch tv on my monitors here in the office yeah is it a tight box i don't know i

forget what it's called i have a bookmark tight box a tight box i've never heard of a tight box

before what's a type box i'm just thinking type vnc when you say that that's all i can think

turbo's talking dirty i guess oh i see he means like the pussy oh okay yeah okay yeah yeah

sex perversion yeah that's hot i like that i like sex all right yeah i think we're all

sex perverts here trying that number did i already try it once i don't know

one i've been eating corn silk tonight i can't tell dwight's calling in you guys have beef with

dwight you guys cool no hell no i love dwight let's make sure yeah hey ken dwight beef i have

with him as he always tries to touch me it's a good beef at least someone wants to touch you man

give me dwight all alone at home unavailable right now please last name is fuck here's a

different one this is big david who's mad at time warner cable customer support tell him that uh

uh we merged with comcast so we no longer give a fuck yeah we're really gonna tell him i'm tweaking

my nips as i'm talking to him like in the south park episode we had we had turbo call uh one of

those type of people the other night just fucking drunk he's like fuck you motherfucker like that's

how you treat your customer to eat shit oh no fucking windmill that shit that guitar there

yeah yeah hello yes hi i'm calling from international business telephone machines

You had a recent interaction with Time Warner Cable.

Oh.

Yeah, I'm calling with a survey to see your level of satisfaction with the call.

Were they able to get your issue resolved okay?

No, I had some pretty important, like, are you still from Time Warner Cable?

I'm from International Telephone Business Machines.

We're contracted out by them.

We're calling on behalf.

They let us know who calls them, who has a problem call.

call um you know like if you were cursing or being rude during the call they'll they're going to

charge you a 25 customer interaction fee um so i have to unless we do the survey to see what

happened okay um if your questions but beginning of that call but cursing at me or something no

well i had you on mute the computer was still dialing i'm sorry did you hear that maybe i

didn't have you on mute yeah i was i don't know i just waited an hour someone's cursing at me i'm

I'm a little worried.

Oh, fuck.

I'm sorry.

All right.

I'm sorry.

No worries.

Talk about it.

It's fucking next to me.

Shit.

Fucking asshole.

Anyway, so on a level of one to ten, one being the lowest.

Again.

Just again.

What do I want to say?

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

What are your questions?

On a level of one to ten, one being the lowest, ten being the greatest, what is your level

of satisfaction with the cable company machine and the machine?

Ten being the most satisfied?

Yeah, the machine itself.

itself, the machine.

The machine, the machine, the main

machine. Just the box? I don't know

what you mean by machine. You know, the machine.

The main time-order cable

machine that you have. The central machine.

The central... Yeah, okay.

That's just the cable box? Well,

not the cable box, but the actual machine

itself. I don't know what other

machine... Yeah, yeah, you have a machine. You need

to find it, because we need the code off the machine.

I don't know what machine that would be,

other than a cable box.

Are you in an apartment or a home?

An apartment.

Okay.

When it's an apartment, it's going to be right where the breakers are, you know?

Do you have access to that?

No.

Oh, well, that's where the machine is.

Yeah.

So what should I put down here for you?

10?

Satisfied?

Level of customer service satisfaction.

How nice are they to you?

How awesome?

Awesome.

Is that what it is?

Yeah.

One would be low.

10 would be awesome.

Okay.

It's a loud call center.

I'm sorry.

Why is that?

Is that because you're an asshole?

Is that because you're a fucking asshole?

Whatever, now he's gone.

I think that is it. He's an asshole.

When have you talked to him and told him that

you apologize?

You're the manager and you're very sorry.

What's his name again?

David Portney.

Boy.

I missed your call.

Trying to name him again. Hang on.

Last night, fucking Turbo, the guy that he did on Twitter,

he actually removed the tweet

and mocked his fucking twitter up so he couldn't be pranked like that again oh excellent we're not

getting anywhere with dave anymore that was fun while it lasted another goofy guy getting the

twitter that was funny how he was listening in and heard him cursing at the beginning

all right

back to Request a Prank

where Delicious has sent in

Kimberly Fetish Girl,

a Mexican

escort in Tijuana.

Probably going to be a cell phone

and thus too expensive but i'll try it connecting huh never mind sorry delicious look at the uh

your country code maybe that's wrong i guess i could do it but that would take up too much of my

time uh we're also we have numbers i got lonesome numbers and i got turbos numbers let's do turbos

real quick some of the ones that you sent in there buddy we'll take a look at the chat any

of these in particular you wanted to get to or you don't care i don't care i just have a ton of

of numbers i didn't use so cool thank you it helps out all right so craigslist ad for uh someone

named bryson i'm contract contacting you about the work at your steakhouse oh so what is you put

an advertisement for a steakhouse all right mr steak yes mr steak all right cool mr steak yes

hi you put an application for mr steak yeah yeah okay all right do you have any experience um no

No, not in the foodering thing.

I'm going to sign up for a LaCornel.

Okay, that's good.

Great, yeah.

And what did you want to do?

You want to do cooking, or you want to be concierge, or what?

I don't know, concierge.

You know what I mean?

You want to be front, late set?

Like, when I go to school, at your restaurant.

At the restaurant, you're saying?

Well, it said something about, like, the meat.

Yeah.

And it said 15 or 15.

15, maybe?

Is that what you're talking about?

What?

You're confusing me.

Yeah, well, I thought it was, like, a tiebreaker or something, because it said 15.

Okay, yeah, sure, whatever you say, buddy.

I'll get right on that.

Anyway, so you're interested then?

Oh, yeah, I mean, I have a car.

I do right now, but, you know, I want to own a job where I can get a W-2 motor.

Okay, all right, yeah.

So all you have to do is you grind the animals.

You skin the animals and you grind them.

You put them and you throw them in there and you grind them.

Oh, okay.

All right, and then sometimes we'll send you to the Humane Center, the Humane Society,

to pick up some dogs or cats

that have been euthanized

and you'll bring those back here

for processing and we'll turn those

into cat meat, horse

meat, occasionally.

You'll also be handling

rattlesnakes to make snake meat.

Like dead ones or alive ones?

Alive. They're alive. You just poke them

with a stick and hit them and stuff.

You slap them a little bit and they go right in.

Yeah, I'm with that.

Okay, alright. And then

sometimes we do put live dogs in there.

like stray dogs uh in in the uh grinder yeah we get them from the humane society uh we're not

allowed technically to euthanize them because we don't have a veterinarian on staff ourselves uh

so what we do is we adopt them and then we just put them in the grinder a lot okay do you guys

you guys dogs like no no the dogs no the dogs go in we uh we create meat out of their carcasses

their bodies oh yeah and i was like we mix 30 percent uh horse meat with uh 70 percent beef

okay because the horse meat's cheaper so we we mix it in yeah yeah i'm doing that where uh where

where are you guys located uh we're in roseville do you know roseville we're off yeah i'm in roseville

right now okay can you be here okay all right that's cool what are you doing tonight uh dinner

I mean

That's very nice

Fucking horny man

Are you

I can walk on the road

Are you at

Fucking horny

Are you the owner

I'm so horny

Yeah

No I'm the

I'm the owner's son

I do the hiring

Okay

Yeah we're putting

We're throwing goats

In there right now

Alright

Like throw out an

Appalachian

Or basically

Go

No you come down

I want you to come down

Wear a nice pair of slacks

A nice t-shirt

You know

I'm gonna have you

Sit on the couch

We'll take some pictures

Of you

Alright

We'll have you do some poses

We'll have you lay down and put your hand on your head, your chin, on your palm, you know?

Yeah.

On your shoulder, you know?

We'll take some pictures of you posed like that with one knee bent, one knee down.

When would you want to do this?

Tonight, if you can.

You come over, we'll get some pictures of you taken, you know, in different poses.

We'll put an apron on you.

We'll size you up.

What's your pants size?

My pants size, 2 or 34.

Are you height-weight proportionate?

Am I high-weighted?

Height, weight, proportionate.

I'm not high-weight.

I'm about almost 6'8".

You don't even know what the fuck I'm saying.

Are you versatile, top or bottom?

Have you tried yet?

No.

You haven't thought about it?

About what?

I'm sorry.

It's kind of loud.

Are you a top, bottom, or versatile?

Well, just are you yourself a top, a bottom, or versatile?

Yeah, or versatile?

Yeah.

You're a top?

Okay.

All right.

Alright, so you want to come

Oh, fuck

Can you be here tonight to start night shift work tonight?

Uh, yeah, um

And we'll fuck you

I'm sorry?

And we'll fuck you

Touch me

No, no, no, no, dude

You have a .357, you know

You do, I do

What do you mean?

Is that what you call your dick?

I want to touch your .357

Oh, so you guys are gay or what?

You're gay, too

Don't try it

Don't even try it

I heard your voice

And I heard the way you were talking

You're gay

Oh, yeah, dude

Sometimes it's for money

Like when I was in prison and shit

I did it, you know

Gabe for pay

He likes to get his fudge packed

Oh, okay, so

$50 an hour and

What do you want?

Pack your fudge

Are you familiar with vacuum cleaners?

You're gonna be like that

But with dicks

Why don't you guys meet

Me somewhere then

No, no, we're a business.

We're a business. You have to come here.

Give me an address.

A large business.

A TomTom-it. And I got some homeboys that are down, too.

That just means you're poor if you got a TomTom.

A real man would have a Garmin.

Or an iPhone.

Some homo boys?

You don't have an iPhone?

Lady boys?

You don't have an iPhone, super?

What do you got? Windows phone?

So you guys are just, like, lame and shit,

and you guys just fucking call people like this?

Yeah, yeah, man.

No, we need a human vacuum cleaner, basically.

So you guys suck each other's dicks

because you guys fucking can't get a fucking badass bitch yourself?

No, no, no.

Yeah, we're totally gay.

We're not the ones that sound like...

You sound like a queer yourself, man.

We don't do the sucking.

We stand around the guy that does it.

We're just, like, watching each other.

I mean, we don't have to suck each other's dicks,

but it's what we do for fun.

Yeah, four dicks in the mouth is really hot.

Yeah, that doesn't make you gay.

Four dicks in the mouth at the same time is hot.

Holy shit.

Actually, actually, hey, man.

Hey, hey, my homeboy, my homeboy's getting out of prison tonight, fucking, he might be, he might be, he might be down here, hey, you guys, like, you guys want, hey, hey, shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up, dude, you're a fucking weirdo, you're a fucking weirdo, are you into Duran Duran, girls on film, you know, it's gonna be like that, but with boys, girl, dude, you are some fucking redneck country motherfuckers, dude, hey, why don't you guys go shoot a duck, why don't you guys go shoot a duck, fucking yourself, dude, you guys are some fucking piece of shit, or you guys can meet up with me and I'll fucking fuck all of you guys up,

Yeah, we're gangbanging this dead duck right now, boy.

Yeah, I'm on Rockford Road right now.

Fucking what's up?

Like, you guys are weird, dude.

My homo boy's getting out of prison.

He might be down for this.

Oh, your homo boy.

Your homo boy is getting out of jail.

Yeah, he actually is a skinhead, and he's fucking down for that type of shit.

He got arrested for sodomy, right?

Wait a minute, he's a skinhead?

Is he going to be mad that I'm a black?

Like, the police rolled up while you were fucking him in this butthole, and he went to jail.

Dude, you guys are weird.

Dude, hey, so you guys play ads like this and you guys are fucking really like that?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, are you guys serious right now or is that a joke?

I'm just fucking curious.

No, we're for real.

We're for real.

We're for real, boy.

Are you for real?

Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah.

I think you guys are wasting my time.

Oh, I think you're wasting my fucking time.

Yeah, I think so.

Sir, sir, do you like money?

Yeah, dude, I make a lot of money.

I'm a construction worker.

Okay.

I'm a feminine construction worker.

You're an effeminate construction worker?

I'm what?

An effeminate construction worker?

No, no, no, dude. I don't fucking do none of that.

You're really a felon.

If you're down to give me $1,000, if you're down to give me...

Shut up, boy.

Shut the fuck up. Dude, you're a tough guy over the phone.

You're a little fucking window warrior, dog.

Listen to Massa.

Okay, do you know the Glory Hole Kiosk Company here?

No, I've never heard of a fucking Glory Hole.

Yeah, yeah, we need you to build some more Glory Holes, boy.

Yep.

You guys are serious? I didn't know white people are gay, bro.

White people shouldn't be gay, bro.

You're disrespecting our race.

Hey, how do you know I'm white?

How do you know I'm white?

No, fuck no.

You're in Nigerian dark.

How do you know I was born in fucking Nigeria?

Yeah, but it's completely not true.

I've been born here.

You sound like all the boys on the yard.

Shut the fuck up.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Do you have a fucking face detector

hooked up to your phone, boy?

I'm Mexican.

Finally, god damn.

Come on, you can't tell me.

I just wanted to tell him it's okay if he's gay

I know he's effeminate, you know he is

It's just like, dude, it's okay

It's no problem

Yeah, we're cool

I wanted to tell him just because he sits in the port-a-john

And gives blowjobs, that doesn't make him a construction worker

He just hangs out at construction sites

I'm in construction, that's what he says

He sits in the last fucking port-a-john

And he has like three holes drilled in it

One in the back and one on the side and one in the front

And he just fucking blows people all day

He's into construction

anyway

he's sitting there

tasting dicks

hey Ray

is that you

alright Cash

you're really

grossing me out

candy bars

anyway

looking at

Lonesome Loser

who's sending in

more numbers now

smartphones and cameras

being sold on

Craigslist in Boston

tell them you're

excited to find out

that it is

perfectly legal

to take pictures

of the upskirts

of women in Boston

now

so now you want

a nice camera

to do so

alright

right so that is that a legit new law then or i guess in the judgment it was how was that possible

upskirts are legal well they basically said that for people that if you're on the subway or whatnot

in boston and you're fully clothed you can expect no privacy okay so as long as they're you know

just taking pictures of people that are clothed it's not a crime oh shit all right okay so could

you get like if someone did that to like my daughter or my wife and i was with them like i

I would beat the fuck out of him, you know?

So would it be then understandable in the eyes of the law

why I would want to beat the shit out of someone for doing that?

Probably not.

He'd probably get charged with assault.

And he wouldn't get in trouble.

Hey, Ice Goose is here.

Hey, Motherfucker.

Hey, fuck.

All right, that was one of Turbo's numbers.

I really wish I would redo this Skype chat, you know what I mean?

Sucks.

It's horrid.

Son of a bitch.

He's their big guy.

next premise as i said is for the iphones and the upskirts here's the uh first ad someone's

selling a cracked iphone 4s unlocked for 150 sounds like a ripoff text or call i vote call

prank texting is not very funny yes hi you have a cracked iphone you're selling there

yeah i do oh nice this guy does the camera still work on it yeah the camera does work on it i'm

I'm going to be taking, I'm going to be, I'm going to use it just for taking pictures of panties, girls little panties, women and girls panties.

Panties?

Yeah, on the subway or on the bus.

Is there a subway in Boston?

Yeah, yeah, there, there.

That's where I'm going to do it.

And yeah, I'm going to take pictures down, you know, because it's legal now.

I don't know, you heard it's legal.

I know you don't know because you don't watch the news or nothing because you're a black person.

You don't really care for that stuff, yo, right?

i can't hear you asshole god speak up you said don't call my phone no more you

i heard him but speak up boy call my phone again man hey listen motherfucker

speak up i can't hear you i said don't call my phone again bruh i won't i i command you

to sell me the iphone boy yeah you ain't gonna do shit you fucking bitch hey hey motherfucker

you ain't gonna do shit bro get a fucking line who goes on crazy to get numbers to talk shit

Listen here dick lips

Don't talk to him like that

You're a fucking cussy

Don't care yourself

Hey that hurts my feelings

Your mom should have swallowed you

So how many sausages

Have you taken in your asshole

Bitch

Hey by the way I wanted to mention

I am testing out a new setup

If you guys want to join me on video you can

If you

You actually have to go to google

Google hangouts

and join the Madhouse

Google Hangout that's in progress right now.

You want to mute your audio on that

though, your mic. You don't want to have a

mic given an audio

there would be an echo.

You want to link me in?

Yeah, let me get the link for it.

This is the first time I do it.

It's a big test, but I'm excited

for it.

Let me get the link.

Watch Turbo being butt-ass naked.

Yeah.

Alright, there we go.

Oh, fuck yeah.

for the ladies i'll even flex a little for ken show my butt muscles all right the uh share link

is right here right in a skype chat okay a white sound samsung galaxy note 3 450 dollars

for sale that is or no this is a galaxy 2 i'm sorry before you join you should understand that

people who don't know you will be able to watch you oh snap

so which one is this the galaxy uh let me let me go to the top i don't know why i'm

cherry picking them i gotta do it in order i'm gonna miss some this is the uh cracked uh

iphone yeah we did the first one so the next one is the uh it's gonna be the uh oh he's got

two phones oh okay that guy did no the next guy the second one down okay iphone 4 and a galaxy 2

iPhone for sale cheap like brand new

I have two, $100 each

Galaxy 2

$100 for an iPhone 4, that's pretty good

Interesting, I'm surprised

I don't know what's wrong with it

Turbo, try saying something, I'm curious what happens with the video

Um, I'm saying something

Alright, you gotta mute your mic

I think I can mute it

No, I cannot

You have to mute yourself there, buddy

Turbo, so yeah, you don't come in with an echo

Because I'm getting off of Skype and off of the thing

God damn it

And I think it's supposed to switch you guys back and forth automatically

I don't know if it's doing that

I'll do it on the fly

Okay here's that

I lost my mouse

Pointer here it is again

Yeah hey you have some phones there

You have some phones there

Oh shit I'm putting someone else on

Go ahead

Hey I'm calling about your phone

You got phones for sale

They're all gone

Did you steal them why were they so cheap

Okay no answer there

here's the next one uh do do do do iphone 4 for sale cheap like brand new no we really did that

one holy crap am i having trouble tonight uh in mint condition verizon galaxy note 3 all right

we'll try that as a bad esn whatever that means do they even go by esns anymore i thought that

was old shit yeah fuck the selenic shit i'm gonna sniff some glue tonight i think i'm going to i

found some strong glue i'm gonna sniff it i'm gonna have some gold paint hey i'm uh calling

about the phone your phone for sale yeah yeah that one what so see is the kick is

the camera and good working order on this phone everything was it just that

um I stopped using Ryzen and then yeah cuz they all they overcharge me they

overcharge my mother shit shit they overcharge my yeah they overcharge my

mom for I don't call the other call to my country's bastards phone cut one day

and then they just overcharged and they wouldn't do anything to it

until we stopped using them.

So they blocked our phones.

Was she calling Vietnam?

No, she called the border.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I don't care.

I'm not actually going to be using it.

I'm just going to be using the camera function

because what I'm going to do is I'm going to go on the bus and the subway

and I'm going to take pictures of women's panties.

I'm going to do some upskirt photos with it.

Okay.

You know what I mean?

Nothing's wrong with it at all.

Because it's legal now.

Yeah, I'm going to go and I'm going to go on the subway and I'm going to lie down

and I'm going to wait until the women stand over me

and I'm going to take pictures pointing upward.

And I'll share the pictures with you if you can give me like $50 off.

If you give me $50 off on the phone, I'll give you all the pictures that I take free.

It's okay. I'm good with the photos.

How about I come over and we can take some pictures of each other with the phone.

you know we can put it on a tripod and and uh you know we can relax together on the couch and

we can take some nice pictures no i'm good you know we'll take i'll take i'll take your shirt

off and then i'll rub some coconut oil on you and uh and then we'll see where it goes from there

how about that no i'm good i'm awesome no thanks no and how about how about if uh are you trying

to phone it just messing up with me at night because i'm sleeping right now no i'm trying

Well, you can buy them and shoot me a text

of where you want to meet and how much you'll offer.

I'm sleeping right now.

No, I'm fine. You can meet at, like, McDonald's

or something you want to buy. It's okay.

You're not sleeping. You're awake.

Talking to me right now.

Yeah, you're making me awake. I'm sleeping. Bye.

Am I making you awake? Am I making you horny?

You made him rise.

I heard his penis stretching the fabric in his pants.

Oh, Zolar, quit. Don't quit, Zolar.

Zolar.

I can't come to the phone right now.

I like that name, Mr. Bean, once again.

As I said before, when we were doing that call, Turbo,

I didn't know that, I thought it was a restaurant deal.

i didn't i didn't know it was like some kind of meat packing operation or whatever you have going

on over there with that it's a whole thing that guy's like oh yeah i'll take care of the meat i'll

do whatever just give me a job fucking guy all right okay let's see what's next samsung galaxy

did we do we do no we did the galaxy two right not the three what did we do just now i know we

did the three and make an issue of rising galaxy not a single scratch yeah that's the one we did

with the bad esn solar wanted to know how we could call solar has me on skype you should

try to add solar here yeah get solar and shit it says i have him as a contact here but i don't

think he's added me yet there he goes he just added me now we'll get mr solar vision here on

the line all right here's an unlocked iphone 4 260 unlocked iphone 4 once again uh okay selling

because he doesn't need it anymore just upgraded to the 5c okay where did that go hey solar's here

hey uh can you guys hear me yeah man absolutely dude i'm running all over the place i'm on google

i don't know how to get in the room i'm just retarded i got you and oh to call in yeah it's

unless you want your video on you just have to do skype i had you down but um i had just a contact

but you weren't added yet for some reason so i got you now i see yeah no i'm over i just couldn't

navigate it properly but that's the reason why what's going on bro i was listening in i actually

uh tripped across you on the night that you're on and i wasn't uh caught up in some other crap

okay yeah good man it's good to hear from you stick around for a little bit we're pranking about

uh phones for sale that's all i got for you yeah we're doing good man yeah in boston for

For upskirt photos.

Let me just say hello to each one of the people in the room.

Can you just say hello to me and talk to me real quick?

Because I heard one guy who sounds like...

Hi, Solar.

I love you.

I love you, Solar.

What's happening, Turbo?

Baz?

Hey, Solar.

How you doing, man?

Good to hear you.

I love you.

What about Dwight?

How you doing there, pal?

I just wanted to hear your normal voice.

I have a normal voice.

Okay.

Hello.

what's happening big business that's me that's carlito i'm good okay all right just want to make

sure i got everybody so let me see i think it's turbo he sounds like somebody turbo talk to me

for a second hi i'm talking to you my name's yeah yeah doesn't doesn't he sound like adam carolla

uh yeah kinda i'd say so yeah he's kind of got an adam carolla sound all right well i got the

number to uh i think it's what's the name of that rehab that they use in arizona i know the boss's

his phone number oh wickenberg and wickenberg mike bloom was something yeah i mean there's a

like big like wickenberg rehab facility yeah oh yeah that's the name of the rehab but the owner

of the rehab his name is mike bloom i i i uh have his personal cellular phone number and i believe

that he will think you're adam carolla okay go for it all right all right well i'll put it in

the skype chat if you drop it in there we'll call it right now all right but no no we gotta

to think out of premise and stuff be like yeah dude i'm really fucked up i fell off the wagon

you know like uh well i am really fucked up right now so yeah that kind of helps i can play that

role tell me tell me you're doing that crocodile shit that bass is just talking about you could

tell that's so morphine yeah and just keep repeating to him like how much you love him

and that you know you know you're not gonna he's not gonna leak you to uh tmz and you

all of that crap so let me see if i could find his name what did i say his name was

adam carolla no that's you that's you oh that's me okay mike bloom yeah you're adam carolla

all right hold on uh i'm putting it in the chat now everybody in the chat will have this guy's

phone number and his whole world will end yeah we'll treat it well zola don't worry here you go

individuals.

He's Mike Bloom.

He's the owner of the rehab facility.

Gotcha.

All right, good luck, Turbo.

There you go.

Okay.

It's Turbo time.

Hi, you've reached Mike Bloom with Pasadena Recovery Center.

Leave me a message and I'll call you back.

Straight to voicemail.

I'll try again.

Yeah, don't bother.

Hi, you've reached Mike.

Nope.

Oh, fuck that motherfucker.

We'll try him again later.

He might be on the phone.

Is that the place in the Celebrity Rehab Show?

show and uh is that what you guys are talking about yeah that's the one that they use on

celebrity rehab okay oh yeah with the dr drew dude yeah oh so that's not dr drew's facility

he's just practicing there for the show or whatever he's just like a he comes in just to

film that i didn't know that for some reason i thought that was his facility or something like

that um all right so more upskirt calls then so learn oh i'm sorry am i go ahead i'll just stand

by and let you guys do what you do no you're good no no no no no no you should do a call man yeah

yeah you need to do calls with us man hang out with us for a while yeah so solar some of my

favorite uh pranks from madhouse were back in the day when you and carlito would do the tag team

calls i'm hoping you guys are doing tonight yeah no doubt uh somebody do me a favor and put in the

skype chat uh the link to the chat room so i could read what the chatters are saying okay because i

i don't know what that is i'm all retarded tonight i got some really good weed oh you did okay all

right i'm calling about this iphone man here we go i'm pretty sure this is not the one we called

already if not it'll be funny then yeah hey buddy you got an iphone there you're trying to get rid

of oh yeah oh yeah oh that's good how many pictures you got on it yeah oh you don't delete

them because i want to look at them you know um okay yeah do you have any family there right now

no do you have any family there with you or are you by yourself because you could take pictures

of like your girlfriend or your wife or your mom i don't know who you live with you know some nice

pretty girls big are you hispanic they might have nice asses ass little asshole you know oh come on

man get angry i want you to get mad sir hispanic or black i don't know so are you in new york what

do you think well i tell you the hottest girl i ever had was hispanic yeah good answer although

the black chick was freaky we did it on a subway train in brooklyn that sounds gross man i'm just

saying it was just the spur of the moment you know spontaneity those things are so dirty aren't they

well yeah yeah what's all we were laying on the floor carlito oh please even the chairs man

it's all we were standing you know one of those poles like a pole dancer it's really erotic

even the pole okay all right were you by yourselves or in the car or was other people

you were until the cop came oh snap really yeah yeah and and like he was really like stern but

like you know like let us go of course but he was like you know i used to do crazy stuff when i was

young but that's just obscene and perverted and you shouldn't be doing things like that in public

get out of my face and he let us go it was cool wow did you just bump into each other and start

fucking or were you already with her hanging out she was no no yeah we were girlfriend and

boyfriend for a while oh okay i thought it was just like you just bumped into her like oh that's

fuck like a porno yeah yeah i wish oh yeah all right here's an iphone 4s for sale zolar buy an

iphone for us okay it has flappy bird on it oh cool oh yeah worth like ten thousand dollars

probably i'm gonna that's cool dr drew thanks did you get in the chat oh i forgot

let's try to redial this because it's not doing nothing oh shit your call has been forwarded to

to an automatic...

Oh, fuck that shit.

Hello?

Hey, you selling a phone?

Oh, hello?

Yes, can you hear me?

Yes.

Okay, I'm calling about your ad.

Have it?

Right, now, has it been abused in any way

because I had bought one and then, like,

it wouldn't take pictures

and I'm utilizing this to be taking pictures of upskirts?

The law has just deemed it legal to do

if you're out in public

and somebody takes a picture of your crotch

from underneath your skirt,

it's your fault for being, you know, exposed?

No, I don't need you to have the...

Unless, of course, your mother wears skirts.

I'd like some big cottage cheese ass pictures to put up on the internet.

Can you take a couple pictures of your mom?

No, no, no.

I'll pay extra.

I'm into it.

I'm doing this whole website.

It's called upskirts.com.

And I'm doing everything from big fat mama asses with cottage cheese in them to the hot little 16-year-old with her panties stuck in her crotch.

Dude, you got like a daughter who's 12?

Do you have pubic hair?

I'm going to try to call him back.

I'll apologize for you, Zolar, on your behalf, because you were rude and nasty.

That wasn't rude.

I should not have been so rude.

I couldn't shut the audio off.

I went into the chat room and it started doubling back to me.

You couldn't hear.

Yeah, hey, I want to apologize on behalf of my associate, Mr. Zolar.

I think he just had a phone call.

He was very rude to you.

I'm not.

No, I'm calling to apologize.

We just need the phone, faggot.

Get over it.

No, you're not.

You're a cop sucker.

You're a cop sucker is what you are.

You like to get on your knees and blow the blue Red Sox. I'm gonna have whores at your door

I'm gonna look up your address and send you a couple of whores

You're being a prick about it, you know what I'm saying

Hops in a few seconds, we're counting down five

One oh look no cops imagine that it's almost like you're a fucking fake-ass bullshitter

You should get a life, maybe a mother's or something like that.

Did you say I should let your wife?

What's she got?

I'll tell you all about that, bitch.

Just stop looking at your mother.

Oh, man, you went there to the mother's.

That's rough, dude.

I thought I already had your mother just a moment ago.

I was talking about a cottage cheese ass, and you got all insulted and protective about it.

Like, you know, it's kind of Freudian.

Trace my nuts with your lips.

You're the fucking asshole staying on the phone, like, talking to these sickos.

like apparently you have some sort of mental disorder you know something you guys need to see

a doctor as soon as possible no i think you need to see the doctor as soon as possible

hey sir we we got we got dr bez on the line with us i mean we already seen the doctor

he's a he's a goddamn phd talk to him yes don't you i'm a highly educated individual

i've got a phd all right sir actually you've won the contest you hung in there for over three

minutes this is a dr drew pinsky's new prank call show dr drew say hello to the man yes hello

i told you about the trace trace my nuts with your lips pal you're full of shit what's what's

the address einstein he's working on that fucking trace he's got that 80s tracer you guys just keep

Keep him on, 30 seconds more.

Okay, we need to send him a hooker.

Do we know his address?

You can find it, I'm sure.

I've got, let me paste what I had with that.

I got his city and state.

Okay, can we call him back?

I am at the chat room, Enigma, hello.

Hello, Enigma.

Hi, Enigma.

That sounds like, Enigma sounds like something...

I know, right?

...pejorative.

Could we call him back and I'll act as if I'm going to actually buy it?

Hey, I'm Enigma.

I'm Enigma.

Motherfucking Enigma.

I'm having connection problems.

Sorry about that, guys.

I'm working on it.

That's what we're going to call

the black people from now on.

Enigma.

Wait, are we calling them back?

Yes.

Okay, I'll talk.

You fucking Enigma.

Hello?

You're Enigma.

I would like to...

I'm expressing interest in the phone.

Enigma, please.

You dirty enigma.

Hey, Blackie.

Come on, give me...

You guys are just bored, so...

No, no, I'm writing a paper.

I'm not bored.

Hey, hey, motherfucker.

Hey, you better hang up the phone.

You better hang up the phone.

Hey, how's that, Trace?

You're going to be in big trouble.

Hey, you're going to be in big trouble.

You better hang up the phone, motherfucker.

Hey, dude, let him talk.

I can't hear him saying things, and he's the funny part.

How's the Trace going?

What did he say about the head?

I don't know what the fuck...

What did he just say?

I don't know.

Fuck that guy.

He thinks it's so fucking cool.

That motherfucking Enigma.

Enigma, please.

Moving right along, here's a diner.

Let's order some eggs with heat.

That's my favorite to do, Zolar.

I call the diner, and I say, I want eggs.

And they say, how?

And I say, cooked.

And they get mad.

Let's see that.

All right, let's do it.

Can you order me some franks and beans, too?

No, you're going to frank some beans.

and the handicap accessible i've never been a big fan of that so shoot diner yeah i like to order

some eggs what i like to order some eggs for pickup yeah how do you want the eggs you want

a breakfast i want them cooked how do you want them cooked with heat what else would you like

uh well one meat kind of meat one uh breakfast meat cooked cooked what kind of breakfast uh

Uh, the kind, it's like a, either pork, yeah, it's like a pork, you know?

Yeah, bacon, sausage, or ham.

Uh, honey, ask the waitress, hi, ma'am, are you there?

Yeah.

Hi, that's my husband you're speaking to.

He's a little slow, but he insists on ordering.

He had a car accident many years ago.

Bitch.

And his, and his, uh.

So, how do you want the eggs?

He likes them cooked.

How do you want them cooked?

With heat.

Scrambled or over easy?

Like your ovaries, I want them scrambled.

You want them over easy or scrambled?

Yeah, ovaries.

Do you want bacon, sausage, or ham?

I want roast labia with vaginal secretions on the side, please.

She had us on speakerphone, didn't she?

A little black girl was laughing at her.

I want my eggs fertilized.

Ew.

So you want chicken?

She was like, yes, ma'am, yes, ma'am.

What's up with Adam?

Prackmaster.

What's his name?

I forgot.

Chaos.

Yeah, now he's Major Chaos now, but he stole money from me, so I'm no longer his friend.

South Street Diner.

Ooh, hey, did you guys hear that Major Chaos stole money from Zolar?

I'm sorry, what?

Major Chaos took money from Zolar and everything, and they're not friends anymore.

Who's not friends?

Major Chaos and Zolar.

What?

Yeah, he took money from Zolar and everything.

I gotta go.

I'm kind of busy.

It was in his mattress.

He took a Rambo knife, and he ripped it up, and he took all the money out.

Please make us go.

And he started masturbating.

Are you hiding major chaos there in your establishment?

Are you covering for him?

I don't know why I brought that up.

You don't have any of that old audio where we do the whole commercial for the Big Blue Raft and stuff, do you?

The Big Blue Raft?

No, I don't.

I just have the confession with KDK where he started crying.

Dude, can you send me that?

I'd love to play that on my show.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

You got it, man.

Do you swear to send it to me?

me uh i will do it right now i put on my dropbox hey i sent you a promo too did you get that ever

i sent you a link to a promo that i made for you no but please send everything to the real

zolar at gmail the real zolar at gmail okay you got it oh my god thank you this fucking guy man

i i sat through hours and hours of fucking doing these online contests with him and uh i i even

even made up a jingle for a minute mark and um he won a contest for twenty five hundred dollars

worth of cash and prizes and fucking stiffed me really i saw he kept telling me vote for me for

this and vote for that and i was i was like i just don't have time for it man i don't really

know you that much uh that much anymore you know and you got kind of pissy with me i don't know

what that was about so that's i guess i was kind of related to the whole vote for me that was the

contest you're talking about yeah he well he entered a bunch of them and i helped him with

a lot of content and he won a couple of contests and he fucking didn't tell me about it and kept

the fucking earnings uh well hey here's a question for you speaking of like content and voting and

shit like that um were you doing or are you still getting any anything off of um uh whatchamacallit

off of um uh fiverr were you doing like ads and let chaos keep it and he still stole from me

wow even still did he come over and take it or was it just he just stiffed you for that

money for the contest the fiverr thing was first and i gave it to him as a gift i was like you know

any money we make on fiverr i'll let you keep okay you know for helping me with my show but

then the contests were later and he just kept all the money the money was sent to him and he's

supposed to split it with me and he never did okay i gotcha i gotcha okay all right well you

know what can i tell you he's uh there's a soundboard also by the way i can send you

There's two sound boards with him that were great with his him crying and arguing and shit like that

Uh, but I will get take care of those for you tonight and the promo that you never got. Okay. Hey, uh, duncan donuts

I don't know what we can do with that duncan donuts. The capital of duncan donuts was in

Massachusetts. They're really into it there from what I understand if anybody wants it holler if not, i'll take it

That's right. Jill kdk did solar from behind. You ever hear from lego again? Yeah. Yeah, he's a good guy

yeah i wonder where that whole commercial we did for the big blue man remember it was like hi kids

come on down to atlanta's camp yeah i don't know who would have a copy of that to be honest with

you i remember that milkman was on it too milkman was like he was talking like his dad

dude i wish i had that crazy is that on madhouse uh i don't know no i didn't have it was a kdk

k thing kitty uh pcu thing you know who made it was who was that asian guy remember that asian guy

that was on uh syndicate sidekick chuck sidekick chuck i think he made that one i think that was

one of his and i think evil already still has contact communication with that guy he's in

colorado right now smoking tons of weed apparently he took a trip to colorado is that we should try

to call him he told me to give him a call i don't know if he meant during the show or not but

evil arty yeah it's biggie little little evil he's big evil arty definitely not i've been in

touch with him he's cool yeah yeah he's a nice guy it's all right here's boba's bakery

where a guy answers bakery boba boba b-o-b-a oh he's not on shit what was hey i'm wondering if

you might be able to do uh some custom cupcakes for me for a celebration uh hold on one second

Okay.

These people want custom cupcakes for...

Oh, they have to call in the morning.

Hello?

Bullshit.

Yes.

Hi.

So you can't do the custom cupcakes for me?

You know what?

I'm not the baker.

I'm just a salesperson.

The baker is here in the morning.

Bitch.

What is it that you need?

Let me announce this idea.

Well, you know, my son is two months old.

Actually, two weeks old.

I'm sorry.

I've been sleep-deprived.

But we're having them circumcised the day after next.

And it's our tradition to have a celebration following that.

So I was wondering if you might be able to make like a dozen cupcakes

and have a little baby penis sticking out of each cupcake.

Oh, my God, that is so funny.

Oh, my God, that is so cute.

The custom is that the relatives and the family members,

they all take a pair of scissors and trim the foreskin off of each cupcake.

So is that something that you could do?

You know what?

I really honestly don't know.

Could you hold on one second?

Let me just see if there's anybody that could do it in the back.

I'm the moil.

You must respect our religious freedom.

Oh, I understand.

It's just that we're not a fancy bakery.

You know, we basically are.

Oh, you're not fancy.

You're a fucking blue-collar bakery.

We're an awesome bakery because we're open 24-7.

This is religious persecution, ma'am.

but um but are you discriminatory big boss man on the phone i don't want to speak to this woman here

you know too emotional you know if you can make um like eight dozen cupcakes this little baby

they want the cupcakes to have a thing to stick out of it how do you do that use the frosting man

Have you read the Old Testament?

Or you can use Marzipan.

Is there any way that we could do it?

What's the date that you need them for?

Let's see.

The circumcision is scheduled for March the 14th.

Yes.

I have the moil.

I don't respect.

Go ahead.

What?

Oh, I don't appreciate this.

Religious.

I'm the moil.

You know, I'm going to do the circumcision.

I don't respect this fucking line of bullshit you're giving me.

I'm going to hang up on you right now.

You're a racist?

Oh, really?

Well, we're going to call right back.

Okay.

All right.

I like that.

Oh, snap.

Oh, snap, Zolar.

Make my cupcakes, bitch.

Pick up, lady.

Yeah, we need my penis cupcakes.

Hi, I'm the moil.

I'm called Rebby Foulmouth.

She ain't going to play.

I'll bounce her.

I'm bouncing her.

Hang on.

You never know.

We got some Indians here, too.

Lonesome, if you're listening, we need some out-of-country, maybe New Zealand or Australia.

Hey, we're calling about the cupcakes, man.

I don't know what the problem is.

The cupcakes.

Okay, good.

No, we can't do that out-of-country.

I'm sorry.

Why not?

Hello, I'm the loyal...

That's persecution.

We don't make custom cupcakes.

I'm sorry.

...scrumming against me.

Have you heard of the American Code of Racism?

Listen.

Hey, hey.

We don't make custom cupcakes.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

Hey, you're getting my moil all riled up here.

Oh, come on.

Sure they do, right?

You don't want to get the moil upset.

It'll start cutting off some excess skin.

Yeah, I got a pair of fist scars here.

Yeah, I just came.

I just went to a bris recently.

Ew, really?

Yeah, yeah.

Hello?

Hey, I'm going to put my moil back on the phone.

I have a pair of fist scars.

Yeah, if you come down and put a deposit, we can put an auto in for you.

How's that?

Shut the fuck up.

You cannot discriminate against my religion.

You can't discriminate against my religion.

It's illegal.

You're going to jail.

I'll try one last time.

What the fuck?

All hell is breaking loose over there this time.

Zola, I'm sending you the links to those audios you asked for.

Oh, thank you, my friend.

There's two people on the line.

Are you going to hang up on me again?

Alright.

Yes, he is.

Alright, we'll let him go.

uh those two people on the phone this time those stupid people before all right akbar cuisine of

india akbar ala akbar hey so remember that time that you uh did you punch a cop or something

when you get to a street fight i kicked him in the face and broke his jaw wow badass man

but he was off duty right he was being a prick yeah and i'm not trying to act like the badass

i just wanted to make it sound like that i was in fear for my life and i was like thrusting away

on my back kicking out lashing out as he put his face in range of my foot as i was kicking like a

bitch it's his fault damn it evil already hey art are you in colorado still hey already i'm in

denver oh what's going on give us a story i got a lot of pot right now and i'm just smoking it

How much did you spend?

Money-wise?

Um...

I'm going to say.

How is it compared to street value already?

Is it more expensive?

Well, from one guy, I got it for $85 for a quarter.

And it's probably the dankest shit I've got so far.

That was last night.

Delivered at 2 a.m.

Nice.

Beautiful.

Delicious.

That's great.

And it's legal.

Are you by yourself or are you with your dealer friend?

Alone.

Oh, you're alone.

Okay.

Good.

That's good.

So my dealer, that guy, he's flying out.

okay all right and is there some kind of convention event you just like you're staying

we're at the hojo hojo yeah where you're staying at the hojo you want to see my place well let's

say the name of the place because people will prank you but is that a nice hotel or something

that you're staying at i'm running in a like an upstairs apartment for 70 a night okay all right

sounds fun there you go everybody that's evil arty no i thought he had crazy adventures how

Artie, how you doing, Artie?

I'm sorry I didn't get to catch up with you when you were in New York, bro.

Oh, it's cool.

That's Zolar Machine, your buddy.

I would have totally hung, but I was getting bitched at, you know, by the old lady.

I'm not being there eventually again.

Cobra.

Or Jersey, yeah.

All right, Akbar Cuisine of India, as I said.

Anybody want to talk to an Indian, call it out.

Don't expect me to be attentive to this show.

Just saying.

This show.

I'm going to have to drop because of bandwidth issues, though, buddy.

It.

Ooh.

Eat.

yeah i'm gonna have to drop you already you're gonna have to i'll send you a i'll send you a

t-shirt to wear yeah a seattle nothing t-shirt i'd rather nobody know where i am right now okay

all right bye already really uh bringing me down see you later such a bitch all right we got he's

boring tonight didn't he yeah thanks for bringing the show to a screeching whole party he smoked so

so much pot colorado there you go zola are you planning a trip to go into colorado now that it's

legal you don't care uh is it is it near like new york i mean why would i be going there when

something much closer is probably near i'm surrounded by legal states now true yeah new

york's only a matter of time you gotta think at least new york city yeah the uh recreational weed

stores will be opening here in washington in a few months yeah so there you go and washington's

It's pretty damn close to me as well.

Yeah, it's Washington State.

I see.

Washington State, not D.C.

D.C. has medical, though, yeah.

Jersey has medical, right?

You know, I'm not really up on it,

but I don't think there's any medical licenses given out as of yet.

Okay.

I have no idea.

In Washington, it's legal for anyone over the age of 21

to possess up to an ounce,

whether you need it for medical purposes or not.

Yeah, it's a misdemeanor here in New York

with anything under 28 grams is just a misdemeanor.

All right.

vegetarian restaurant here it comes no i'm gonna visit the mountains yeah double rainbows who's

taking this hello yes yes i'd like to get somebody who speaks english a little better i'd like

somebody who came from this country originally out of their mother's vagina yes i can help you

what do you want sir you sound like you got like you know a flying carpet and you're doing like

some kind of a trick on me with a snake can you just give me an english speaking person listen to

me what you want because i can speak english it's what you need i know but your accent is

pissing me off and i don't want you handling my food what is it sorry

Sorry?

I don't understand what you're talking about.

because you can do the order

and I can understand much

what you're saying now.

I know,

but I have a thing against you

and your accent, Habibi.

You know what I'm saying?

Okay?

So you just get on your flying carpet

and give me somebody

who speaks English properly.

Nobody else here right now.

All right.

And listen,

I'm going to give you an order, okay?

Go ahead.

Okay, I order you

how to learn how to speak English

without that fucked up accent

that scares everybody.

You got that, Abdul?

Oh, snap.

That was rude, man.

Somebody called me.

I apologize.

All right.

He doesn't even have that accent.

and he's like one of those Indian guys.

He's at a vegetarian place,

so yeah, they're like super nice

because they don't eat animals.

That was harsh.

I was waiting for him to explode.

It sounded like it was going to.

Hey, buddy.

Hey, this is Cross.

I was...

My friend, Zolar,

he was trying to order,

make an order from here.

I'm sorry about that.

Yeah, he's a little upset.

He lost his mother recently

and his wife also together.

They were having sex together

in the place.

In Iraq.

Yeah.

We'd like to make an order, please.

Sure, no problem.

One vegetable biryani?

Yes.

All right, two land bread?

And a ride on your flying carpet.

No, no, we don't have a nun here, so...

Well, fuck you, right?

Okay, whatever.

Fuck him.

And his flying carpet, too.

Fuck it.

Artie's already messaging me now.

Artie's messaging you?

Yeah, he's like, you want to see my old nature?

Oh, okay.

They just want to know how late you're going to be doing the show.

Oh, probably until, like, 1.

Well, he's in Colorado for, like, at least another 45 minutes or an hour.

I don't know.

We'll see.

Still gone strong.

We already called that one.

Here's a different one.

All India Cafe.

Seems like I've called this place before.

I don't know.

Thank you, Dash.

Dashie says I'm awesome.

Good point, Dashie.

Dashie says I'm white knighting.

Yes.

Would you like to make an order?

I'm going to transfer the line to Mr. Baz, who will make an order.

Thank you.

Order for pickup or delivery?

Yes.

Hello, my good sir.

I'd like to make an order for pickup, please.

Pickup.

Okay.

May I have the phone number, please?

I'd like to order some filthy shit.

Oh, let's see.

Yes, one moment, please.

It's 68.

And your good name, sir?

Yes, David.

My good name is David.

Last name's not as well.

Okay, that's fine.

No problem.

Okay.

Have you ordered, please?

Yeah, I'd like one order of filthy chicken tikka masala.

Chicken tikka masala, right?

Yeah.

Yep.

Chicken tikka masala.

Yeah.

One order of fucking papadums.

Lenten papadum, okay.

Fucking papadums.

Which papadum?

Fucking papadums.

Lentil papadums.

Yes, yes, lentil papadums.

That's correct.

You heard correctly.

And I also would like one order of banchode.

One order of banchode.

Banchode?

Banchode.

We don't have that kind of food here.

No, you do.

You have sister there.

Okay, what about materchode?

One order of materchode.

Mater.

Materchode.

Basically, you have your mother.

You know your mother?

Mm-hmm.

You bring her in front of me, and I'm going to smear mango chutney all over her.

Oh, are you going crazy?

You're mad?

Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm going crazy, man.

Yeah, yeah, the mad people do that, I know.

I saw your mom, she's so sexy.

Oh, you're going crazy.

She drives me crazy.

No problem, yeah.

You have no job.

Hey, are you a faggot?

Come on.

Are you a faggot, sir?

And I'm going to have you take a shit and cook it for me in your tandoori oven.

Sexual oven, sexual oven, everybody.

All right, hey, let me clear that line before we do anything.

I got quite the story to tell.

We've got breaking news here.

We have a voicemail here from a person saying that they're a police officer.

Let us listen and analyze and discuss.

On behalf of a lady that has come in here to the police department,

that you're harassing her from here, from that, call that number anymore.

If you call that number and give her any problems, make any threats, anything like that,

we will be opening the case against you for at least phone harassment, if not threats.

Okay.

We're going to serve as your warning not to contact that number for any reason.

have a good day

there you go everybody that's a major question

so let me get this straight

there are rapists and murderers running loose

and some bitch has

a problem with the phone call

well see this is that officer's

big data I imagine that guy's like

officer Farvo from super troopers

has nothing better to do

I believe that that's that bitch's

brother or husband

and they're making believe that they're police

officers they weren't really in a precinct

I'd say so

so she supposedly drove to the precinct

and was like oh my god

guys you gotta look at my phone

someone just called

someone called me and it was unpleasant

and I'm gonna call the police

because you know

I'm a white woman

if that's the criteria then I can bitch about any

telemarketer or bill collector

that has ever fucking called my house

I literally

was on the phone with a prank

I called them originally

originally and then when i called them back on the second call we were on for like maybe i don't

know a 10 minute call it was long the cops showed up they had called the cops originally on the

first phone call right just with a blink of an eye and on the second phone call the cops showed

up and got on the phone with me oh wow really how'd that go yeah it was really bad i mean i

fucking like flipped a cop around and i was like well what i'm doing here officers i'm gonna ask

you to press charges on them

because they threatened to kill me. And then she admitted

to threatening to kill me.

See? There you go.

It's on YouTube.

Yeah.

It was crazy. Cray-de-cray.

Cray-cray. Here's

another voicemail from Compton.

Google Voice says it wasn't able to

transcribe the message. That usually means

it was just silence, but sometimes there's something

here. Let's listen. I think it's just

rustling. Yeah, nothing.

Nothing being said. Sounds like it's fapping,

right jungle ease i'm gonna call them back let's call that number back you know you know what i do

call it i listen to those things in the morning when i'm taking the shit i swear to god i let

them play out yeah yeah i hit yeah i hit all play all and it just runs through them while i'm

crapping and i listen to them even if they're three minute messages yeah listen to them he's

just fucking i'm a good old time over there and i'm calling them back i vaguely remember him who

do we call in compton well it was it was a craigslist that's all i remember hello yeah

Yeah, listen, don't call over here leaving me messages, coughing, and spitting up, like gargling and all that, driving around.

And I don't need to hear that shit, okay?

Motherfucker.

Sorry about that.

It must have been an accident, sir.

You're a motherfucker, first of all.

Why did you call me?

I mean, somebody called this number.

I called it back, sir.

Another person.

I wasn't trying to read the room or nothing.

What are you calling back for?

What's the problem?

Somebody called my number.

Somebody called me from this phone, sir.

Okay.

All right.

Honey, honey, ask him how much he weighs.

I bet you he weighs over 350 pounds by the way. He's breathing. Are you a fat guy because your talks you're like breathing a lot

Yeah, oh, yeah. Do you have a CPAP machine?

Hey heavy set guy. What's your name, brother? Why does I like heavy set guys?

Ma'am

No, no, no, we're not trying to argue I love your voice

I love the way you breathe. Would you be interested if I had a nine-inch cock and I'd let you suck on it?

Oh, no, thank you. Okay

Do you like food sir? Target is left. I don't know what the hell that guy came from

He's called me for some reason. I think you should have Zolar call the Turkish kitchen. Oh, yeah

Zolar fuck that guy. Yeah, let's call the Turkish kitchen. Oh

Hopefully paisano answer. Yeah this bitch woman. Yeah, cuz she needs to hear someone else cuz I'm tired of telling her yeah

Turkish Kitchen is a woman named Faizan

She's an angry Muslim lady

You hate Muslims, I know

She smells good

Zolar is a 9-11 survivor

I'll do a voice, though, if you don't mind

I'll do Albert Mobley

Hello, hello, my name is Albert

Can you hear me, dear?

Hi, I am 77 years old

And I am trying to get

Some substance because I've been left

To rot away here in my home

You are trying to get

Yes, what? Excuse me, can you repeat?

Yes, I'd like an order to pick up your skirt.

An order?

Yes, I'd like to order.

Okay, I will take your order.

Thank you.

Okay, do you have any roast labia with the vaginal secretions?

Any roast?

Yes, yes, hello?

Any roast again, please?

Oh, I see. I said your vaginal secretions. I would like to order some roast labia with that.

Is Faison there? Faison?

Hold on for my grandson will order for me. Go ahead, Carlo.

I'm sorry. Faison? Is Faison there?

Who is this?

Faison. Oh, yeah. Hey, we were trying to find you, Faison. We were trying to contact you.

Was that her the whole time? It sounded like a Chinese lady.

That's why I interrupted.

Yeah, it didn't sound like her.

Yeah, and then all of a sudden she showed up.

Sorry, Zola.

That's okay.

I don't mind.

Somebody in the room was going.

Definitely wasn't Faison.

Anyway, somebody in the room was.

Somebody's got a guy that.

Can you hear me?

Oh, go ahead, Zola.

Oh, I didn't know if I was being heard because I turned down my audio every time when I'm not talking,

and I don't know if I turned it back up.

Anyway, somebody in the chat room was saying, nice voice changer.

All of these voices are not used with a voice changer.

I do the girl voice by changing my voice into the microphone.

I don't move anything.

And the old man voice, I just do that.

All the voices I do, I do not use a voice changer.

That's right.

All right.

Here's an Indian guy we talked to last week.

Let's see if he picks up.

No, no.

Wait, wait.

First, before you do that, I'll tell you after this call.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Do it.

Remind me if it connects.

Oh, double R.

Put my link in the room.

Thank you, double R.

Double R.

What is your link?

Where are you at, John?

ZolarVision.com?

No, it's some YouTube video that I did, but it's probably the police call.

If you go all the way to the end, you hear me talking to the cop

Or you can listen to the whole thing, it's pretty damn long

Uh, microphone techniques

No, no, no, I just do it with my voice

You know

There we go

Yeah, this is the Indian place

Yes it is

I wanted to make an order, I have to talk to the owner, please

And you want to talk to the owner?

Yeah

Okay, just give me a minute

Hurry up

Anal sex

Bitch

Hey boy, how you doing?

Oh, this is Cross, how you doing, buddy?

Good

Oh, yeah, good.

You had a big problem last week with me.

I'm calling for you to apologize.

Oh, bitch, I'm looking for you.

Yeah, I call you if you need to give me an apology or it's going to be trouble for you.

Yeah, where are you?

I was just there.

I had food there.

You didn't even know it was me.

I didn't.

You didn't know.

I took a picture of you and everything.

Oh, okay.

Hey, hey, hey, introduce him to your cousin, Tony.

I want to talk to this guy.

What's his name, Cross?

Hey, Tony, this is this Indian guy asshole that we talked to last week.

I went there at 8 today, and I made some damage in the bathroom.

He doesn't know about it yet.

Oh, listen, you guy, you tough guy.

You talking to my nephew like this?

Now you can shut up, huh?

You little monkey.

What did this guy do?

He just sit there with the phone to his asshole?

He had a back and forth with us last week, and now he doesn't want to talk or be funny.

Asshole, this guy.

Oh, yeah, this guy.

Seriously, yeah, this guy.

Stupid.

You suck, dude.

Dude, you're probably still listening.

I hope...

I'm going to run up for sale.

I wanted to milk his titties.

Yeah, the reindeer, yeah.

We're calling Charlie instead.

He's another regular of ours, Zolar.

Let's see if he picks up.

Shoot, yeah.

Hello?

Hey, Charlie, how you doing?

Zolar's here.

He wanted me to introduce you.

Say hi to Charlie, Zolar.

Wrong number.

You're stupid.

Damn.

Listen, shit.

Yeah.

So now Charlie's employing that tactic.

Wrong number.

Okay, Turbo, you should tell them about Mervin.

Yeah, Mervin.

He's a very pleasant gentleman who lives in Cleveland.

Okay.

Oh, that was the correct pronunciation for that?

That was a hit and a miss on my part.

I'm not very good at pronouncing stuff I don't know.

Chutia.

What does that mean?

Chutia.

Is that dog, I think?

Chuti?

Choo-choo?

I don't know.

Hey, Balti House Restaurant.

There we go.

This is in New Zealand, Indian Restaurant, New Zealand.

they're really they're fucking mean in new zealand's all are they're fucking like oh my god

they're assholes yeah they're entitled they're like democrats yeah yeah all right let me see if

i can get the bell people yeah listen you slut i'm stuck over here in the area and i can't find

your place how do i get there um victoria um yeah the library yeah that's what you keep telling me

but i don't see this goddamn library for what i'm in the united states when i see a library it says

library what does yours say shithole um so it's the library it does say library yeah okay i'm

gonna look around for this thing that says library then i do what they're honey pants

um there's a tree outside i don't really know a fucking tree i'm looking for a fucking tree

are you for real okay then um speak to the manager no no no i want to speak to you because

i i like to speak to like dripping vaginas that leave slug snail marks across the floor when they

walk what's your name you whore oh snap i wondered how long she'd hang in there she hung in there a

long time dude and she didn't even get mad and she was an indian anyway uh turbo what number

says you added i'm dialing it already uh mervin okay mervin who's moving he doesn't like white

people so albert mobley would be great oh great all right god damn it he always picks up the

slut voice hello hello hello your number is on my caller id who is speaking hello oh he wouldn't

talk try him again you want me to try him with the girl voice or go with albert again uh i'll do

the girl voice i'll make believe who's calling my grandfather here we go i'll do it he hung up

i mean he picked up at least well he always picks up he always usually doesn't usually pick up and

say don't call my house with that bullshit yeah don't call my house no more oh the black guy is

like don't call my home no more motherfucker he's like a big black guy whoever's doing the dialing

if he if he lets it go the answering machine hit the pound sign and then try to crack his

answering machine by hitting four numbers like uh one two three four that's why he doesn't let

it go to the answering machine yeah he doesn't want to get hey i mean it's like he sits by the

the phone 24 7 man that's like his life dude that and probably like marbles uh or newport cigarettes

or something i know a hooker with a passport one two three four zola are you still smoking

cigarettes quit are you quit are you vaping or what are you doing i i was originally but then

i stopped that too oh good for you man yeah i'm proud i'm happy god bless you all right let's

keep going with some more prank calls let's see what lonesome loser has in store for us in his

Big grab bag of shit

Tulsi

Not yet

Does that work for you buddy

Just pretend

Carlito check this out

I'm going to put a number in the Skype chat

It's that bitch Miss Howard Stern's phone number

Oh dude what did I hear about her

Was she doing escort stuff now

Yeah that's what I was going to tell you

Say you know

You saw her on Facebook

And you want this to go public

But you're willing to pay her 10 grand

And fly her out

but you wanted to do all kinds of shit you want to agree to like fucking like crazy shit oh snap

okay yeah put that in yeah andrea speaking of prank master chaos i had that picture and he was

so proud of next to her to come next to a hot girl oh my god i stole from me an actual magic

trick i won't talk like i'm not on the phone so i'm gonna mute my mic everybody else who has not

talking mute forwarded to an automatic voice message uh i'll try again you never know you

got b for her now too are you cool or no no no does your number come up of some kind of number

yeah yeah it's got a it's a oregon forwarded to an automatic oregon number uh maybe because

she doesn't recognize it's her cell phone right yeah but if she's fucking trying to make money

you think she'd answer anything yeah i got it right all right sorry to bring that uh

no hey dude it is what it is it's been happening a lot lately for some reason from on my shows i've

noticed a lot of like no answers it's been striking out a lot with numbers harry krishna

they're going to be all friendly here harry krishna higher taste restaurant all right ten

dollar uh whoever can make these guys uh yell we'll get a ten dollar money order in the mail

from carlito good luck gentlemen try not to talk over each other or it's no one void yes

Yes, hi.

How are you doing?

Hi, bro.

All right, good motherfucker.

I'm going to put Mr. Turbo on the line.

He's going to have an attempt to make you angry.

Go ahead.

Hi, this is Turbo.

Yeah, your fucking religion is bullshit.

God is dead.

You're a fucking faggot for believing in anything beyond yourself.

Nope.

Impossible.

Hare Krishna?

No way, man.

All right, it's my fucking turn.

God damn it.

Let Dwight handle this shit.

Hi, Bull.

Welcome to High Taste.

How you doing there, buddy?

Buddy, I need to make a take-out order, please.

You want to what, sorry?

Order for takeaway.

You've ordered a takeaway?

I want to order for a takeaway.

Right, okay.

Can I take your order, then?

Sure.

Do you have any specials?

Specials?

I don't think we have any specials.

It's just the normal.

Hang on a sec.

Okay.

I think what we have is just the normal stuff.

We don't have any specials.

Okay, what would you recommend?

It's my first time.

Right.

I think it's probably better if it's your first time.

You probably just want to come down and have a look yourself.

because what would you what would you recommend i mean i'm a connoisseur i love everything

but you can taste the paneer we've got a butter paneer and that kind of uh sells the most but

you know again i say it comes down to the individual you know now what would you say

would you say would you say the paneer tastes like your wife's pussy or not

i think you need to you want to come down here and talk those words buddy

you probably come on down there we'll have a fucking fist fight right there in the restaurant

How's that sound, pal?

You bring your wife down there and I'll sniff her fucking rotten crotch.

You're a new fucker.

What? What?

Yeah, I got sweat on his back, you fucking faggot.

Sound like Lil Jon, motherfucker.

What? He there? He there?

Fucking hate you.

Are you a fucking human being or a bird?

Say what a few more times?

Spirit bitch, boy.

Are you sick?

You need your kicks under your belt, are you?

I'm gonna fuck your wife right there in the restroom, pal.

You can go and do that to your sister, but it's better.

I ain't your mom

I bet your mother

Good luck

Fuck you

Alright

Yeah Dwight

You win the prize

Make sure you give me

Your address

Yeah

And we'll have to

Fill out a 1099 also

We gotta do it right

You know what I mean

We'll call him back anyway

Dwight wins

$10 money order

Oh he ain't gonna

Answer again

Bastard

You're dying

Good stuff

Okay

Good job

uh dwight wow okay all right well if you're just tuning in it's madhouse radio i'm carlito your

host along uh zolar is joining us yeah with big big baby baz big dwight yo turbo machine and the

ice goose i think is here also still okie dokie okie dokie all right and i'm trying to get the

music here that i had selected here we go all right and we'll move right along more indian oh

Oh, fuck yes.

Flavors Indian Cuisine.

Are you a daily friend?

Yes.

I'm the man from phone number 770021.

Yeah, I know.

This is $50,000.

Thank you.

Good luck.

Some people think it's a rerun.

Oh, hey, this ain't a rerun, motherfucker, you know.

Hello?

Yeah, I'd like to make an order, please.

Yeah, sure, what would you like to order?

Yeah, one motherfucker.

One, sorry?

One motherfucker.

Okay.

One bhenchod.

Yeah.

Okay.

Bring your sister along to the front.

Just a minute.

Huh?

Just a minute.

No, bring your sister along to the front.

I have to explain.

All right.

I will check her out.

I'll look her top to bottom.

Just a minute.

Okay.

If your sister looks delicious, I'll take her to the bathroom with me and I'll make

her a woman.

We'll smell her sexual organs and see if she's clean or not.

Yeah.

Are they just off the house?

Yeah.

All right.

Just a minute.

Okay.

This guy likes his sister.

Hello?

Hey, bitch.

How are you?

Yeah.

Hello.

We're a bunch of us.

Hello.

Yeah, we are bhenchods.

Yeah, we're all bhenchods.

We're a group of bhenchod men.

So we like sister.

Do you shave your pubic hair?

Yeah.

Female.

Do you trim or shave your pubic hairs?

And we're sex perverts.

Where did he put his sister?

What an asshole.

What a bad brother that is.

Let me call back.

Yeah, that's really awful.

That's awesome.

He's like, well, you want to talk to that bitch?

Fuck her.

I hate her.

She don't give me no sex tonight.

Fuck that whore.

Maybe they don't get along.

Good evening, fellas.

So are you a bancho?

You're cool with your sister like that?

Sorry?

You are the bancho then, right?

Because you're cool with your sister like that?

With this, sorry.

You're friends with your sister like that, right?

I thank God.

What do you want to say, mate?

Okay, I've got to make an order, please.

Yes, please.

What would you like?

One tandoori chicken.

Yep.

All right, one curry lamb.

Is it a takeaway or a delivery?

Takeaway.

One tandoori chicken, full or half?

Uh, full.

Yep.

One garlic naan.

Yep.

All right.

one uh one fried labia with vaginal secretions yes one fried labia with vaginal secretion

we don't do that sorry sorry sorry uh damn damn one one bunch hood

all right do you sell do you sell your sister's panties how much do we get the dirty panties for

can you make a soup out of it don't you force me to call the cops and give your number to them

Oh, I'll force you.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

I'm sorry.

Please don't call the cops.

We were just trying to have fun with your mother's vagina.

Yeah, we didn't expect to mango chutney with your mother's vagina, you piece of shit.

Hey, hey, hey, sir, sir, sir, shut the fuck up.

Put the policeman on the phone right now, please.

I will be in trouble, I'm telling you.

There's a lot of final warning.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Put the cop on the phone.

We're sorry.

That's my brother. He has Tourette's, sir. He can't help himself. It's a disease. He curses.

Asshole!

Call him again. Love that guy. I might save that guy.

Thank you, Dwight.

Hello?

Hey, buddy. Don't call police, okay? I'm sorry.

Alright? I'm sorry. I'm scared now.

Yes. I order you to bend over and take my nine inches into your anus.

I order you to bend over and take my nine inches into your anus.

He hung up.

okay uh the curry pot here we go curry pot i so wish i had nine inch yeah dude i know right but

you know not pencil thin either it's gotta be nice thick nice thick

you gotta have that girth yeah yeah man hey do you like that girth yes sir you like girth

sorry sir do you like girth are you more into girth or length i'm really sorry i can't get

What's bigger? What's better for you?

Wider or longer?

How many fingers can you fit to your vagina at one time?

Never mind, never mind.

I'll put Baz on the phone. Baz, go ahead.

Yes, ma'am. Hello, my name is Baz

Naswell. I'm an American traveler

and I would like to place an order

for takeaway, please.

Sure, sir. Are you ready to receive my order?

In a second, please.

Okay, hurry the fuck up, please. Yes, please.

Yes, I would like one

order of chicken

Chicken Filthy Tikka Masala.

Chicken Tikka Masala.

Yep.

How spicy is that?

I'd like it very spicy.

Indian hot?

I'd like it to, yeah, I'd like to Indian hot so it burns my anus in the morning when it comes out the other end.

Bitch.

Anything else you want with that?

Yes, one order of lawn bread.

Yep, what kind of bread do you like?

The big, big lawn bread.

Lime naan?

Yeah, no, I like it spicy, spicy lawn bread.

We haven't got any spicy naan bread, sir.

We've got quite a few naan breads.

Are you checking our menu online, or how are you checking your...

No, I've ordered lots of Indian food in the past.

I'm quite sophisticated that way.

I know my way around an Indian menu.

I know my way around a curry pot, too, if you know what I mean.

Okay.

Yeah, and I would also like to stick my American white snake into your curry pot.

Sorry?

Yes, this is the curry pot, correct?

Can you give me your number and I'll call you back, please?

Because I can't hear you properly.

No, absolutely not.

I can't.

I can't do that.

I'm hungry.

I'm diabetic.

And I need to get this food immediately.

So I would like one order of Bancho.

I would like to have your phone number so that I can call you back.

Because I can't hear you properly.

I'll call you back from another number.

Why can't you hear me properly?

Put the man on the phone.

Yeah, put a man on the phone, please.

I'm sorry.

She reacted really weird.

She reacted really weird

I'm telling you she wanted your number

So she'd call you back later and fuck

There you are

How you doing buddy

Are you the man over there in charge

Yeah I'm going to put Baz on the line

He was talking dirty to your girl

Go ahead Baz

Which one do you order

The woman was getting smart with the mouth with me

I don't know if that's custom

In New Zealand

Phone number

What do you require

Which one do you order

Oh, the chicken tikka masala?

Yep.

Tandoori motherfucker?

Tandoori?

Yeah, Tandoori motherfucker.

Okay.

You want to do something, or you really want to game?

I really want to what?

Game.

I really want to...

What are you talking about?

I want to come in there and stick my American white snake in your curry pot anus.

Yeah, certainly.

Come to the game.

Yeah?

I'll come now?

Yeah.

Yeah, come now.

What's going to happen when I get there?

Yeah, you come now.

I can show you.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah, can we meet in the back?

I'll knock on the back.

Yeah, come and meet me.

Thanks.

Yeah?

And then are you going to show me yours, and I'll show you mine?

He's, uh, yeah, getting angry.

All right.

David Chalmers in England.

Baz, your favorite.

England.

Somebody else want to take that?

Let me take one.

Solar is good with English.

What is it?

Is it a pub?

Is it an eatery?

What is it?

Just a guy sleeping.

Just a person.

Take your coffee.

I'm sorry we can't

take your call at the moment

I'm sorry you can't

take my call at the moment

I was trying to get in touch with you

for a spot of tea

I'm sure we'll get more UK numbers from

Lonesome here shortly he's confirming away

I got a confirmation from him of that

oh can I use this moment

to say I love you to Lonesome Loser

there you go

he just did

he just took it

uh balti house restaurant in new zealand balti house suspected indian place not confirmed

suspected is this indian food sorry is this indian food hello are you indian food restaurant

no it's a balti house oh okay what kind of place food is this what kind of food it's what style

north style oh that's disgusting that's disgusting food where are you from speaking i'm from united

United States. I'm on vacation.

In New Zealand, I'm on vacation.

I'm on holiday. Holiday. That's what you call it, right?

Sorry? I'm on holiday

in New Zealand. That's disgusting.

You're on holiday in New Zealand? Yeah.

From the United States. We're the best country in the world.

Yeah. So, that's

disgusting people. You're disgusting people,

you know? But why are you saying that?

Because I was going to

eat there, but when you told me

that's the kind of... When I heard your accent

and you told me that's the kind of food you have there,

I don't want that.

That's disgusting.

Yuck.

The helmet goes out to MPSA Cobra.

Someone else talk to her.

Apologize.

Go ahead.

Or don't.

Okay.

Let's give her a little bit of an American Albert Mobley.

Oh, fuck yeah.

The Bounty House.

Yes, hello.

My name is Albert, and you are speaking with my grandson.

We're on holiday here in New Zealand.

We're trying to take in some...

We'd like to take in some local cuisine.

What do you recommend from your disgusting place?

Um, Cobra, because you're just wasting our time.

Well, we were hearing that you actually warm up the food in your uterus.

Sir, your vaginas.

Sorry?

Is it true?

Sorry, what?

That you keep the food warm in your uterus.

Oh, my gosh.

What the hell?

Oh, my God.

Becky, look at her butt.

Let me talk to this fucking whore.

This fucking bitch.

Some white meat.

Some white meat, yeah.

Some white meat.

I'd love to be a fly on the wall when she explains that to her Boston friends.

Thank you for calling Rocky House.

What's the matter?

What about a bitch who's hung up on my grandfather?

Oh, shit.

Okay.

She's like, that's the new way of heating up the food.

I quit.

All right.

I'm going to paste three UK numbers that I have here, just confirmed.

They're all.

What if we opened up a restaurant like that and served the food right out of their vaginas?

You know what I mean?

We pack it all up there in their uterus

with plastic Ziploc bags

and when it gets up to 98.7 degrees

we open up their legs

and let people

unzip the bag and start spooning it out.

Yeah, that and

the women should all be

lactating for the

coffee and milk and all that.

The cheese.

Yeah, you totally make

cheese from the lactation.

Oh yeah, heck yeah, man.

that sounds disgusting

alright here's a David

these are all Davids

in England

it makes it easy

hey buddy

come on to the back

it's time to milk you

you fucker

let's put that on Craigslist

and see if people want the job

there you go

Turbo you got

were there any more

of those numbers

talk to David

to fucking get this

straightened out

temporary art

and everything

performance art

hey David

you there

this is David

let's try him again

Turbo do you have

any more of those

job people

the DJs that work

in the strip club

or the

the dgs in his trip you hear about that one david video there hello are you doing uh old broad i'm

looking for david you know what time it is i know exactly what time it is bitch you motherfuckers

ask me this all the time where's david basically uh um turbo put on an ad for uh a dj that they

need at their uh fucking orgy nice and people were responding are you a dj i dj i want the job

Hey, David.

David.

Okay.

We'll leave him connected.

David Byron instead.

David Byron.

Byron, yes.

That's what I meant.

He's an awesome, awesome director.

Is he?

Okay, whatever.

Okay.

No, no, I'm thinking of David Lynch.

I'm sorry.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, that sounds like Byron's.

Byron's.

Well, let me, there we go.

At the bottom of Skype chat, there's the ad that Turbo posted, Carlito.

Okay.

I'll take a look at that later.

Numbers aren't adding right now.

I get call failed.

oh i think maybe have too many connected hang on let me close anybody who does check my uh

youtube videos uh share them shit they're sitting there stagnant there's like 120 of

the motherfuckers and they're hardly even viewed i did my job i i'm subscribed to you and then on

the madhouse youtube i have you down as a like a link you know like a favorite so it comes up

on the top of mine but that doesn't mean much because i don't get shit for traffic myself

self either so yeah well if everybody in here told two friends and they told two friends and

so on and so on excuse me do you know what time it is yeah i'm sorry for bothering you my love

can you hear me well enough yeah i just stepped out of the bar you horny little bitch are you

there now she hung up oh funny so i'll read this real quick uh carlito uh this is what turbo put

but I run a members-only club that has a weekly adult parties on Saturday evenings.

We need a new DJ because our former one started a fight last week.

I'm reluctant to put any more details up here because our events are very exclusive and discreet.

If you're interested in this position, please email a phone number so our club leaders can get in touch.

And there's been people calling.

We're sitting there like, yeah, we're having these weekly fucking orgies and fuck parties

and telling them about, like, the buffets and shit

that we're offering at the orgies and stuff.

Wow, nice.

I hope it's a nice buffet.

Are you kidding me?

Yeah, we have the shrimp cocktail.

I'm confused, because all of a sudden Skype is telling me

if I try to add a number to the conference,

my call will be put on hold.

It won't let me add it to the conference.

Yeah, but as soon as it rings,

it'll let you add us back in immediately.

Okay, all right, I'm going to turn it off.

Oh, yeah, there you go.

The thing's all ours here.

Why is it ringing like this and it's England?

You mean you don't always get that message, Carlito?

No.

Hello?

Yeah, is David there?

Who?

David?

What's he, what, he's what?

What'd you say, honey?

David?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, put him on.

Hurry up.

He's on his way, I think.

Well, tell him to hurry up.

Yeah, okay.

Motherfucker.

It's urgent, ma'am.

He made me friends, and he's got to give me money for an abortion.

What the hell?

She's confused.

Let's call her back and say that.

What did she say? Ben? Ben is his name that you're looking for.

That's who it is.

Let's say that Ben made her pregnant.

There's too much of an echo.

I am so sorry to keep bothering you, but I'm pregnant and Ben is the father.

You got the wrong number.

You don't understand. I'm going to need money for an abortion.

I'm from America and I won't stand for this in your petty country.

I don't know who you are. Sorry.

Okay, my name...

Hello.

I'll try again. Fuck it.

What's her name?

Uh, I don't know.

I just know David Fortune is the guy who lives here that we had listed.

She's talking about Ken or Matt or something.

Cannot be taken at the moment.

No more of that from there.

Okay.

Uh, another David, Dr. David Dunlop.

That sounds like a guy who's into tires.

Hardly viewed.

Says double R, 6,664.

What is it?

Uh.

664,000.

Where is that?

Hey, how are you?

Yes, uh, Mr. Dr. Dunlop.

Uh, my name is David Snodwell.

well. I'm calling from the

Royal Service, Division of

Testicular Cancer Prevention.

How are you doing today, my good?

Sir, this is very important.

Please listen. Yes, am I

correct that this is Dr. David Dunlop?

Well, look, it's the middle of

the fucking night. Where are you?

I'm calling from Bath.

I'm staying at the

Royal Crescent Hotel.

And I've got a problem.

I seem to have developed some kind of

an abscess on my

my testicles, and I was wondering if you could take a look at it for me.

I'm very worried that this might lead to some kind of sepsis.

Sir, can you please take a look at my nuts?

No, sir, will you please take a look at my husband's bullocks?

We were looking to have a romance on this vacation, and now we can't.

Yeah, it's just too painful for intercourse, sir.

I was hoping that maybe you might be able to lance this.

No, it's not funny to me.

sir we'll pay you good uh crisp american 100 bills if you could do this discreetly no

he hung in there before we do some more on his bullocks yes

his bullocks it was cute the way he said sir it's very painful please help he picked up i don't know

who else to turn to you forgot your hippocratic oaf okay cope is the name dr michael cope

This is the guy we're calling now.

Dr. Michael Cope, everybody prepare yourselves.

Zola, do shows on Mixler.

It's like the new shoutcast.

Send me a link.

I don't know where that is.

Send him a link, guys.

Hello.

Yes, hi.

Is that Michael Cope?

Do you know what time it is?

It's very early in the morning.

That's none of my business or my concern.

I need to speak to Michael Cope.

It's urgent.

I'm wanting to speak to Michael Cope.

Tell him to go to hell.

Hello?

You tell her not to say go to hell to me, you little bitch, is what she is.

And you're a bastard.

He would have slapped me in the face with a glove if I was in front of him.

We've had some good UK wake-ups the last few shows.

Yeah, we have.

You lie me waker.

Jesus.

He's going to have a heart attack.

Come on, let's kill him.

He's a fuck-off.

Hello?

Good morning to you, sir.

What was that?

Mr. Vampire.

Okay.

All right, whatever.

Okay.

Let's leave him alone, man.

He's kind of creeping me out.

Shit.

Michael?

Yeah, well, you got his blood boiling in the morning.

He must feel alive.

He's got to be awake now if he wasn't before.

Yeah, give him a call back and apologize.

Well, we'll do a call here, and then I'll call him.

Denberry.

Hello?

Michael Denberry?

Yes.

Yeah, I might have Michael Denbury down as a known homosexual.

We're rounding a few homosexuals up to take to the...

I'm sorry, you've got the wrong number, and it's 6 o'clock in the morning.

Don't talk to me like that, woman.

I am a man.

It's 6 o'clock in the morning.

Hey, let me try one of these and see if I could get them into some kind of repertoire.

Okay, okay.

This is going to be Michael Evanson.

Okay, good.

Let me try this.

All right.

This is all Zohar.

Thank you, guys.

Yasukov.

What's the name again?

Michael Evanson.

Okay.

Hello, Mr. Evanson.

I'm Michael Evanson.

Who is that?

Hi, this is wakeupcalls.com.

He ordered a wake-up call for this time.

No, he didn't.

Well, ma'am, I'm sorry to disagree with you,

but we have you charged to this telephone number at $39.95 per month.

I'll call her back.

Fuck that.

Fuck that lady.

Damn it, man.

Very much indeed for calling.

Convenient, I'm afraid, to speak to you at the moment,

but if you leave your telephone number

where we can call you back,

we will happily do so as soon as we can.

Thank you very much.

Sounds like we're calling the Hobbits or something.

Anyway, I'm calling back Michael Cope.

They're the ones that got really mad, right?

That were like yelling,

really like frothing at the mouth.

Right.

Here we go.

Hello?

Man, oh man.

That goes to show you

how far behind they are in the times in that country.

I know.

Where they just get in by with the whistling.

Yeah, that'll get them.

Holy crap.

That really showed you, Carlito.

I will not fuck with that guy again.

I imagine that he's just going to do something new every time you call him.

Yeah.

He's going to keep picking up, too, when he doesn't really have to.

Watch.

We'll prove that right now.

Let's see.

Please stop.

He's going to give himself a heart attack.

He is.

And his neighbors must love him right now at this time in the morning.

I know.

Oh, shit, it's 6 o'clock in the morning over there.

I can't believe he found a rape whistle.

He did.

He's like, where's my rape whistle?

Where do you find your rape whistle at 6 o'clock in the morning?

And you could hear him inhaling so hard to blow into it.

He was really, really passionate.

Yeah, yeah, I'm kind of scared.

I'm kind of hoping his woman would tell him to stop it already,

just unplug the phone.

No.

No, never plug that one.

Seriously, that's all he's going to do.

I'll call him one more time.

He'll be like, oh.

It has to be.

He's going to do that once and go,

Yeah, that'd be great.

Michael Houston, here it comes.

Michael Houston, everybody.

Nothing that time.

Alright, we'll leave them alone.

Alrighty, welcome up.

Mean enough of me, Michael King.

Here it is, Michael King.

That's Mixler, M-I-X-L-R

dot com.

Zolar, check it out.

I was just looking for it. Where is that?

Anyone give it to him?

I'll send it to you, my soul.

8-4?

Yes, hello? This is 8-3-double-5-6-4?

Uh, no.

Double-4-double-5-8-4?

That's what you phoned, yeah.

Oh, yeah. How you doing over there? How are all the numbers? Are they checking in okay?

Sorry, what are you talking about?

All your machines on and all your numbers are checking in okay?

Um, who is this calling? Sorry.

Oh, this is Cross.

You're calling the residential number.

Yeah, I know. This is Cross. I'm calling from the Royal Service.

We had you down for a wake-up call for 6-10 a.m.?

No.

Yes, yeah, the computer's perfect.

Okay, well, I'm afraid your computer's wrong.

Well, you're full of shit, asshole.

It says here that you're supposed to wake up.

Now give me the code.

Okay, take care.

Give me the command code.

Yeah, right.

Fucker.

Sir, if you do not enter the proper command code, the system will call you back.

Yeah, it will.

Perhaps not tonight, but it'll call him next week.

Hey, look, Peter Andrews.

Peter Andrews, when do you do this?

I'm busy.

Cannot be taken at the moment, but please leave your message after the tone.

They're there, they're there.

hey guys i hear you hear me you picked up the phone i know you did don't sorry you didn't

this is cross you try to act like you know you were going to screen the call

where do you put the phone down this is a private number i have no idea who you are

listen this is important man this is urgent like buster you heard that big time yeah i'll do a

wake-up call for you uh q if you give them the number and they get it oh yeah yeah q okay i

I don't know who Q is.

I don't know who he is.

All right, here's another Peter.

Peter Bailey.

I don't think this is the last one we did.

We just did Andrews, right?

All right.

Anyway, if not, we're calling him back.

We also got to check back in with the guy who's giving himself a stroke tonight.

That guy just died over there.

Sorry, we're not.

I'm sorry, too.

Okay.

Back to Michael Cope.

Just a moment.

Here we go.

Hello?

Hey, we're sorry.

Okay?

Hey, there.

Buddy, we're sorry.

I'm going to leave you on it.

We're going to do one last call for the night, and that's it, okay?

And then it's done.

All right, we'll leave him connected just in case.

Maybe he'll come back.

Peter Bateman, guys?

Peter Bateman?

Anyone of you want this?

Jump in.

Go crazy, because it's the last call, because I'm out of juice.

Shut up, cat.

Hello?

Yes, may I speak with Peter Bateman, please?

What's this about?

This is David Snozwell calling.

I'm at Heathrow Airport at the moment.

I just arrived.

And I'm just confirming if the invitation is still on for this morning.

Yes, please hurry.

Yes, Peter Bateman, David Snoswell here.

I just arrived at Heathrow.

I'm just calling to confirm if your invitation is still valid for this morning.

I shall be arriving shortly within the next two hours.

Remember, we were chatting online yesterday,

and I told you that I was heading over to the UK,

and you invited me over for some crumpets and tea.

I think you've got the wrong number.

Roger your bum a little bit.

But I've got my associate, Mr. Zolar, on the line, too.

He traveled with me.

Oh, he hung up.

Oh, yeah, he did.

Oh, damn it.

Sorry, guy.

All right.

Hey, that's it for me.

I'm going to get some sleep.

But I want to thank Mr. Zolar Vision here for being on.

Zolar, Glenn Zolarski.

Thanks for joining tonight.

Zolar, you got a site?

What is it again?

I don't have a site.

I have a YouTube channel with a bunch of videos on it.

I figured if people wanted to see some of the pranks that I put up there.

I don't even know the link.

okay all right well guys look up zolard pranks z-o-l-a-r on youtube and subscribe

take care everybody nice to have fun with you guys see you buddy all right big

vaz pranks.com see you later man vaz pranks.ru okay that rude and turbo if you're still around

see you later thanks for being on man three two one bye all right that's them uh also thanks

Thanks. Who else was on with us? Ice Goose

made an appearance tonight. Evil already

did as well for a little bit. Captain

Bringdown. And Ken

was on as well. Thank you, sir. Lonesome, thanks

for sending in numbers. I want to give a special thanks

to everyone who confirmed numbers and sent

them in via request to prank. I couldn't get

to them all, but I did get to quite a few of them.

I know Dashie and Nova

sent in some numbers. Dashie

actually sent them some that I didn't get to.

I'm sorry. Sorry, dude.

I did the best I could.

Thanks to Dingmer for anything in the chat

room and i will catch you all next week at some point look for a monday show monday morning show

hopefully like we did this week and then i'll be back thursday night as usual see you later

Calls (41, 1 h 39 min of 3 h 3 min)

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