Three Men and a Baby Machine
14 Mar 2014 · 48 min · 7,662 words · source
Calls (10, 32 min of 48 min)
- Blito Parking asked about overnight rates live 2.2 min clip ↓
- Eddie asks about parking for sex live 1.1 min clip ↓
- Victoria calls about free bedroom set live 1.6 min clip ↓
- Marty calls about bedroom set with dead girlfriend live 10.2 min clip ↓
- Sushi restaurant threatened with DA live 2.4 min clip ↓
- Sushi restaurant manager denied customer visit live 3.3 min clip ↓
- Diaper store asked about cloth diapers live 2.4 min clip ↓
- Employer Mark asked about cleaning diapers live 3.5 min clip ↓
- Call to Kalkanai jeans store live 2.5 min clip ↓
- Prank call to executive chef warehouse live 3.3 min clip ↓
Transcript
all righty hey folks carlito here i'm back on the air i was on my standard course i'm sure you all
know that how could you not and i had to cut the show off due to a technical fucking thing you know
story of my life but i'm here for a little bit i'll do like a little hour thing here before
foremarking starts at 10 i believe sloth is sloth can you hear me okay are you coming in all right
what do you gather do you hear me oh uh-oh i did it again let me check my mic maybe he can't hear
me no that's good that's good it should be all right and check to see if i muted that in all
right i'm not getting any sound from it so that's a life that's a my fault what could be causing
this oh my god i did a bunch of changes to the studio setup today to try to fix things as you
can see i got nowhere check cables then oh ah yes now i found it i had a button not pressed hey now
i hear you what's up i got it all right good things are good well let me uh start the show
as i said here i don't have any numbers per se right in front of me but i can scrounge some up
any suggestions sloth anywhere we should call you're coming in low now yeah you're chopping
in and out yes it's me too is that a my problem or your problem or no it shouldn't be all right
well i'm gonna call you back sloth hang on man the ongoing saga of my technical issues this year
so far continues i'm gonna call kansas city missouri i think i called them on monday it
It seemed like an interesting place to pray and call at.
I had a lot of fun with Compton last night.
I still have the Compton map in front of me here.
It's not going to work out now.
I don't like calling the same place too much in the scope of a week or consecutive days.
It's not a good idea.
Let's get Sloth back here.
Hello.
Hello.
All right, we'll see if this is better.
I'm not sure yet.
Say a few things, as well, so I can check on my end.
Hello.
Hey, Awkward, what's up?
I don't, I don't.
Hey, Awkward, you sound good.
good sloth you're still having some clippy problems i don't know maybe check on your own
yep clip clip clip all right uh awkward i'm kind of just uh guys awkward and soft i'm kind of just
testing some shit out that some changes i made today and i figured i'd jump on for an hour and
stress test here why not do pranks if i'm gonna do it am i still flippy uh a little better now i
think okay i think i fixed it okay cool cool um problem is a lot of these places might be closed
I'm going to go to the Hawaii.
She typed that in here.
Honolulu.
So what I did, the laptop that's always giving me trouble, it's just Skype right now.
It's absolutely all it is.
So if it can't handle just Skype on its own, I give up.
I'm going to have to buy a netbook at that point.
What do you need?
Skype can be a resource hub.
Yeah.
What do I need?
I just need to, I needed to handle Skype, but I was also trying to do like Google Maps
on the machine and this and that.
And it was just, whenever I try to.
But what's wrong with the machine, I'm saying?
Oh, like it's just, because it becomes unstable.
and the skype calls degrade really bad despite the fact that my bandwidth is okay i'm checking
last night i checked the bandwidth logs i didn't get hit from outside and i wasn't
hammering it from the inside and have you done mem test 86 and shit uh that's that's my plan
for this weekend i'm thinking to just i might have a bad memory module in there yeah if you
have bad ram i might even have something for you dude okay okay all right let me know it's laptop
ram it's not just regular yeah i got you desktop yeah i'll let you know i'll let you know all right
maybe that'll work i was thinking that too maybe it's just a ram thing um yeah maybe what is your
file system too my processor my uh processes my processes go off they do go up like last time i
was seeing it hit up it was it was pegging up 100 feet yeah you know what i mean that's what my one
of my machines was doing and then when i would run skype and try to launch anything else even
a web browser it would lag out and if i had the task manager open it would slam up to 100 wow
And Skype is like that though
And web browsers are like that too
Especially if you have any kind of
Plugins
Video going and all that
Yeah and the plugins too
If plugins are written shitty
They do shit too
Like that Skype click to call plugin is a piece of shit
I wish it worked
Yeah that fucked my shit up the other night
It fucks everything up it's so nasty
I just had to disable it all together
Yeah I leave that off myself
Yeah it doesn't do shit
All right, here's a parking service place in Honolulu.
Let's see if they're open.
They might only be open if there's an event.
It looks like it's near an event center, so this may not be a pickup, but we'll try.
Of course, Jaiad and the phone lockers start in about 49 minutes.
Well, 46 minutes, I guess.
Hi, Blito Parking.
Yeah, hey, how you doing?
What's your rate?
I'm sorry, what?
What's the fucking rate there?
For what time?
Well, for nighttime.
You know, I want to park there with my girlfriend for a while.
$7?
$7 an hour?
No, $7 for the night.
Oh, the whole night?
Okay.
All right, that sounds good.
And do you guys, are you guys going to care, like, how long we're there for?
Like, if we leave early, it's not a big deal?
Well, you have to be out by 12 midnight.
Oh, really?
All right.
So if I got there now, I'd have a few hours.
Because, yeah, I'm going to go there.
I'm going to set up a grill with my old lady, my girlfriend, you know.
And then I'm going to put some, I got some mattresses in the back of the van.
You know, we're going to lay down.
We're going to fuck.
We're going to make a baby tonight.
Well, you can't do that here.
Well, come on.
I'm paying to be there.
No, that's not allowed here.
Well, you're not supposed to be doing that here.
You need to do it at another property.
It doesn't say that I can't.
I'm just going to park there, okay?
And I'm going to park there and sit there.
I'm going to park and I'm going to sit in my car.
Is that bad?
Is that allowed?
Well, basically you need to park and leave, go to the event.
But why?
Are you coming here for an event?
Yeah, oh yeah, I call on an event.
Yeah, having sex is a fucking event to me.
It's the big event.
All right, sure.
The big event.
How's the call for you guys?
You guys getting echoing?
I mean, there's an echo now, but it's on his line.
Never mind.
It sounded good right until that point.
Yeah, yeah.
It sounds good.
Good, good.
We're waiting for the guy.
I'm going to just call him back.
Never mind.
What am I doing?
Fuck waiting.
Yeah, what happened?
You were holding.
I said, please hold.
I had to answer that.
I know, but it takes a long time, you know?
Well, I just got off the other line.
What happened over there?
What was going on?
Huh?
What was going on?
Everything okay?
Yeah, everything's fine.
Why?
Oh, was it a...
Who am I speaking with?
Oh, this is Eddie.
Eddie who?
Eddie Loyola.
Okay.
Uh-huh.
Why would you ask that?
Why does it matter?
Do you register people when they park there?
Shit, damn it.
Well, it's $7 to park if you're going to the event.
Okay.
Okay, but you can't park and just hang out in the parking lot.
Well, come on.
I just want to fuck my girlfriend, all right?
And she lives with her parents.
Well, you can't do it here.
We live with our parents, okay?
So we don't want to fuck in the house.
We can't.
Well, I'm sorry.
You can't do it here.
I need to get her pregnant in time for next year's taxes.
Do you understand?
She needs to have a baby by then.
Well, I'm sorry.
You can't do it here, Eddie.
I know.
Well, it takes nine months for the baby to come the fuck out.
And it's March already.
Maybe you can go to Alamana Shopping Center or something else.
They're not charging you there.
I got two weeks left to get her knocked up.
You understand?
So we're taking every chance we can.
Because after that, it'll be 2016 taxes.
And that's a long fucking time, motherfucker.
Okay.
Thank you.
All right.
seriously guys if you're thinking about
getting a tax credit for having a baby
you got like two weeks left right
according to my math to knock him up or
to shit the baby out not not to
shit the baby well you got two weeks to knock him up
if the baby's gonna come out before January
1st
hey get fucking
if you live on a government dole you want to get
fucking right now yeah
after that you're gonna have to go nine
months wrap it up
or none I don't care it's a financial
financial decision do what you want i don't care i don't have that problem all right let's keep
going back in honolulu we can also call those people that were calling back last night for
the bedroom set any of you want to do that hang on let's do that okay sloth do it we'll do one
of those victoria can i give you victoria who wants a bedroom set uh what's up uh bedroom set
victoria yeah she called she called back on a bedroom set for sale or for free free looks like
craigslist or wait so she wants it or is it free she wants it for free wants it and there's a
mattress or bed that was a television bedroom set tv also yeah but she she did the bedroom set
hello hey listen i understand you're after this uh bedroom set free bedroom set yes all right well
i got what you need okay um where are you located at uh well i'm nearby you know i'm right around
in the uh the area there i'm familiar actually with where you're at to be honest um do you know
where i'm at or well i have a rough idea you know i'm familiar with the area but anyway do you want
want to hear about the set i mean that's really let's get down to brass tacks i'm busy yeah um
what's uh what kind of set is it like um well it's a it's a twin bed uh that's the main thing
see i wanted to get a twin because i like to have a lot of women over you know so i need something
that can fit two people oh i see if you catch my meaning i've done a a lot of uh fucking a lot of
sex on the bed oh man she hung up god damn what a prude yeah let's see if her boyfriend picks up
she's probably not trying to deal with it on a friday yeah it's like fuck it i'm like i got to
catch up on my dvr uh dirty enigmas here hey man hey how's it going hey you dirty enigma i think
zolar's mad at me because i got mad at the guy that was trolling me last night yeah i heard that
yeah you do it sucks man sorry guy that music is pretty loud on our end dude is it really i can
bring that am i allowed also no no you're fine no that music is a little low is it all right
there we go that might be better yeah it's nice all right how are you guys doing tonight pretty
good pretty good i'm doing pretty well yeah awesome waiting for phone marking testing out
some stuff and making a show out of it hey did that uh other connection thing work for g oh i
haven't tried it yet did you do that yes sir yeah i gotta get on you got you something else i'm gonna
be changing uh something over here too so you'll need to update something yourself okay i'll let
you know about that sure all right i'll get i'll get on that later let me get a call here
All right, this is the same thing.
Her name is Carla, and she was calling back about...
Hang on, let's listen and see what it was.
Carla, I've been calling about the bedroom set you have at K.
My name's Marty.
My phone number, please call me.
All right.
There's a bed involved in it also?
Yeah.
Like a whole bedroom set?
Well, there were two ads.
There was a bedroom set one, and there was a TV, a 42-inch Dynex LCD TV.
And then a bedroom set, I don't know.
I guess there was a bed involved in it.
I think it was clean.
I'm not sure.
I haven't seen it.
It got taken down.
Okay.
Before that happened, a lot of people replied.
Okay.
You want this one there, Mr. Awkward?
Sure.
Let me give it a shot.
What did he say his name was?
Marty, right?
Marty.
McFly.
Is Marty there?
It's Marty.
Hey, this is Jeremy.
I'm calling about the bedroom set that you called about.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, we still have it.
are you guys still looking for it hey the bedroom set with the bed and the yeah yeah uh where are
you located we're pretty close did we wake you up you sound like you're kind of sleeping are you
all right i just have a bunch of health problems oh okay well the thing is okay well the bed um
do you mind my girlfriend we were taking oxycontin and my girlfriend od'd and she passed away on the
the bed does that is that okay with you or does that matter yeah it doesn't matter to me okay
because she was she if she aspired so she basically coughed up a bunch of like stuff all
over the um she was like a puddle you know what i mean it was some like foam and then some also
some blood and so that's okay and we smoked so much weed on it that it might smell like weed but
there's definitely uh aspire stuff all over it from when she od'd and she like died and then
it was rolling around in it and you're okay with that the mattress might be kind of soiled
if you flip it over it's still okay aside of all the little this it has all those blood stains from
the little bed bugs you could deliver it yeah man we could deliver it do you mind if has blood all
over it we know spuster and we vacuumed all of the bed bugs off but there was still like all kind
The blood is still on it, though, bro.
We could squirt it down with some bleach to kill them.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay, so the mattress is full of blood and bed bugs, and my girl died on it,
and she rolled around in her vomit, her blood, and her aspiration.
So that's cool.
Bed bugs?
Huh?
Bed bugs?
Man, you got to pull the wax out, okay?
It has bed bugs.
They were all over the corners of it.
But we sprayed them off, and we took a dust buster to it,
and now it's fine there's just but it still has the little blood stains because you know how the
bed bugs they suck up your blood and then they go somewhere else and then it bleeds all over
so it still has the black blood stains but we all of the bed bugs off it bro okay yeah
there's probably some in the frame of the wood and inside the thing but maybe if you
you can kind of get in there and clean out some of the vomit you said bedroom spit yeah it has
It has a couple nightstands, and it has, like, a little dresser drawers, and it was made by black people.
Some black people slept on it.
Is that cool or no?
That's cool with me.
I don't give a shit.
Okay.
They might have done the nasty on it, though.
Is that cool, too?
Yeah.
Because somehow, when black people, well, you know, when those people sweat, it's kind of different.
It smells different.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Hey, don't be racist.
Hold on.
Wait a minute.
So, what is it, box spring matches and headwood?
Oh, yeah, it matches everything.
We even got the little chamois, the chamois that comes over the side.
It has blood and puke all over it, though.
And it has black person semen because when the black people were in there,
they had a BBC on there with a BBW, and they were doing the funky chicken.
So, when he busted a nut, it kind of, like, flew over and got all over the bed
and on the chamois, but I was too lazy to clean it.
Is that cool?
You have a washer?
There's a washer.
It's part of the apartment complex, yeah.
Do they charge you for it?
That sucks.
Yeah, we can wash it.
Hey, does it use those little slide card things?
Because I can fill that shit up for you.
Hey, how much do they charge you?
I'll fill it up for half.
I'm not sure.
I just moved in here.
Oh, yeah, man.
find out how much they charge you to fill up them cars big brah i'll give you 40 bucks worth of
credit for 20 yeah i mean i can get two two uh two two two bindles for 20 brother okay i use
different cards what oh yeah but i got the charger dude i can charge that shit up telling you brah
i worked at a an apartment building you know what i'm saying i got the back door pass for
everything they have a vending machine i can hook you up anyways when we come over we're
We're going to come over with this mattress.
We're going to bring it on a crane because this shit is hella nasty.
We don't want to touch it.
But when we get there, he's going to bust out.
We're going to bust out the credit card machine.
We'll give you the bed set.
We'll give you $40 worth of credit.
All you got to do is slip us a Twinkie.
We're out the door.
What do you say, bro?
Slip you a Twinkie, sir.
Yeah, man.
What the fuck?
We're going to give you $40 credit for your washing machine, give you some fucked up bed,
and then you're going to have to wash the chamois.
This is Carlos.
Carlos, I'll throw in a $10 Target card also.
I got a $10 gift card.
Yeah.
Huh?
I got a $10 Target gift card, too, if you want it.
I'll throw it in, free.
That's my brother, Carlos.
He's coming with me to drop this mattress off.
I make counterfeit gift cards.
Well, I ain't got 20 bucks.
I got 10.
I don't know.
Yeah.
$10, but you have to watch us jack off in front of you.
Yeah.
On to the mattress, though.
We're going to jack off onto your new mattress
Yeah
We're just going to watch
We're going to kneel on the bed
I think I'll just pass on it all
Come on man
Why are you getting all homophobic now
We're not going to tell anyone
Ain't no one going to tell
We're not going to touch each other
It's not gay we'll just be wanking
We'll put a striped torno on
That's alright Bill
We'll wear condoms
Yeah.
We'll come into the condoms and we'll trade condoms and drink it.
We'll suck your dick.
Yeah.
Come on, man.
We'll suck your dick.
We'll give you...
Okay, fuck it, man.
We'll give you the card, the Target card.
We'll give you the laundry card and we'll give you the dead girlfriend mattress.
Just you got to let us suck your dick.
No.
How long has it been, dude?
Just close your eyes.
I'll wear a wig.
It's crazy for me.
It's like little dead people.
I'm not interested in any of it, man.
Man, I got some extensions and some fake nails.
You won't even know.
I'll scratch your stomach while I'm sucking it, and you'll be like, oh.
That's right.
Whatever, dude.
Everything was cool until you found out we were down to masturbate around guys.
We're not gay, but.
We're very homophobic, even though we're not gay.
Yeah.
We're totally not gay.
Oh, I had my eyes closed.
I was just drinking.
That was fun.
You had your eyes closed.
Thinking about it.
Turn them again.
I don't think so.
Yeah.
Hey, look.
We're already masturbating right now.
We're already doing that.
we're already doing it right now.
We're already masturbating right now.
We're doing it now.
Talking to you, yeah.
So we're already started.
It's all right.
It's a done deal, okay?
Yeah.
We're wanking off right now.
I don't really need you fucking watching masturbator
or any other thing, so.
Just let us kiss your balls then.
Yeah.
Can we just smell you?
Forget about it, man.
Can I just smell your body and your hair?
You're fucking dead.
Keep everything to yourself, all right?
Let me just smell your hair and your body.
Yeah.
while i give you a blumpkin okay my wife's listening to this probably in the other room
no she doesn't care but it's probably funny he's probably laughing about it she ever do any pranks
with you she used to a long time ago she doesn't care that much for that shit anymore it's too
childless for her yeah she only has time for her kindle and her dirty books about christian gray
50 shades that's just the beginning of it do you still have the bedroom set
asked this person and can we tell them and send pics all right so more bedroom set excellent i'm
gonna try to convince him to come in and take pictures on the bed bedroom set i hope it's a
guy remember i had one show where i kept trying to get gay with gay with all the people and
they kept saying yeah sure whatever well let me get the stuff first it's like fuck
keep fighting bisexual people your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system
That person does not pay their bills.
Alright, this is Lily, who's interested in the set.
Not getting anything there.
Let me go back to the map, play a little song here.
Alright, is the music still not super loud?
You guys good?
It sounds good.
I'm going to make a note of that level.
Yeah, I think that level's pretty good.
It's a fucking sweet level.
Sweet.
So hot.
I just want to roll around in it naked.
You should take a picture of it and upload it to Facebook.
Yeah.
No, I'm in MySpace.
MySpace it.
Pinterest it.
oh baidu isn't that the big chinese one baidu yeah yeah their bots are really shitty they fuck
your shit up really okay you gotta block those bots specifically i can imagine how about sushi
let's do it oh i had banshee tonight i ordered some banshee from that place over there and
slot down the road over here you know what i'm talking about uh do you mean out toward like ud
and all that yeah yep i know what you're talking about it was so good there's a vietnamese place
we gotta go to man buddy was telling me about it dude i've been dying for vietnamese i haven't had
it since orlando since because there's a little vietnam in orlando all those hot like the hot
pots and stuff hey i'm putting on enigma no enigma doesn't talk he's scared he's by
and i'll put sloth on sloth's gonna talk hey you guys got the sushi i'm sorry i forgot to
figure out who was gonna do it sorry i'll call back he's by i forgot enigma doesn't like to do
pranks yeah maybe someday he was like no sometimes oh damn oh hello sushi sushi hello
yeah sushi do you have a spider roll you see huh you have spider roll but hey listen do you guys
do you have like certification that you freeze the fish beforehand because you know you gotta
freeze it the last time i got sushi you know i woke up the next day and i fucking i shit a volcano
Volcano.
Upside-down brown volcano.
Uh, volcano.
So, can you...
Volcano.
So, California road top, so...
I can't understand what you're saying.
Hey.
Hey, shut up.
I can't understand you.
Listen.
I just don't want to come in there and eat this sushi and then have to blow out in your bathroom.
Hold on.
I don't want to shit my rectum out in your bathroom, lady.
Hold on, machine.
Hello?
Hello?
Okay, hold on.
So...
All right, well, hurry up.
Hello?
Hello?
Yes?
Yes, I had some questions about your sushi.
The lady there on the phone was being very rude to me.
What is that?
Yeah, the lady on the phone, she was being very rude to me,
and I had questions about your sushi.
She said if I come in there, she's going to mess with the sushi,
and I'm going to shit liquid.
Because your English is not too good, that's why.
I understand, but she said, you guilo, I make you shit liquid.
Tainted sushi, I give you tainted fish.
So you want to know, what do you want to know?
Well, no, I'm saying I have half of mine to go down to the district attorney.
I'm good friends with him, and bring him in there, and we're going to shut you guys down.
So you want to make the reservation?
No, absolutely not. I'm going to come in there with the DA.
Do you understand? We're going to shut down your establishment.
Oh, I'm sorry. I don't understand. What is that?
It seems you've been selling tainted sushi.
Hey, listen to me, woman, okay?
Do you have a man?
No, I have an English problem, so you can talk to some good English people.
Okay, we'll put somebody on the damn phone with English woman.
Just a moment.
Hello, this is manager Kristen.
Can I help you?
Hey, your name is not Kristen.
Don't give me that shit.
Okay, you better not to talk this kind of attitude.
Otherwise, I hang up the phone, okay?
What is your problem?
I apologize.
My buddy, the district attorney...
Everything is recording, so you better watch out the way you're talking to me, okay?
Listen, I am coming in with the district attorney,
and we are going to shut you guys down because the lady on the phone there,
She just threatened to make me have diarrhea by putting stuff in the fish and selling me rotten fish.
Okay, sir.
You had a dining with us how long ago?
Well, a week ago I went there.
But listen, it's not a past problem.
Okay, and did you see a doctor?
Listen, I am telling you.
I am coming in there with the district attorney, and we are going to shut your restaurant down.
You can talk to me a bit later.
What is your problem exactly?
Well, my problem is that your fish gave me diarrhea.
But you guys...
So I checked everything.
We have a CCTV.
CCTV, so what time did you come, what time you had a dining with us?
Well, do you have a CCTV in the bathroom to watch me shit liquid?
Oh, no, no, no.
It's all incoming, outgoing customer.
We are recording.
So you have to let me know what time did you come, what time you left, and then what type
of the food you have so we can check all the supporting document.
Okay, well, chill.
Listen, calm down.
Calm down.
It's my turn to talk.
Yeah, okay, talk.
Please, okay?
I came in at 2 p.m. and I had spider roll.
You came in here at 2 p.m.?
2 p.m., and I had...
No, our restaurant is never open 2 p.m.
Oh, you're right.
That's the number one mistake, so you're not our customer then, okay?
Oh, you're a bitch.
Hey, listen, it's your food business.
I don't have to hear anything, because you came in to our restaurant,
and our restaurant is not open at 2 p.m.
So you got a wrong restaurant.
Well, I came in at 3 p.m., and it was liquid.
No, no, no, no, it's wrong.
So you say 2 p.m., our restaurant is not open 2 p.m.,
so you went to someplace else.
I'm looking at your webpage right here, and it says you're open at 2 p.m.
You go by the web page where you had a diarrhea problem.
You find out the operation hours.
Then you're going to call everyone.
No, I look for hours.
Anyway, in a situation like this, please call our attorney.
I'll give a phone number to contact.
Okay?
I think this is beyond my control.
Hey, cunt.
Okay?
Calm down.
Hey, it's my turn to talk already.
No, I give you no any further conversation.
Call my attorney.
Hey, bitch.
Listen, stop being so rigid.
Are you ready?
Are you ready to get a phone number?
A cunt?
No.
So there's a company regulation.
Customer talk like this, I better not talk to anybody.
So you should contact our attorney.
So I give you my attorney's number.
Sweetie, hey, listen, can I taste your spicy tuna roll, perhaps?
Oh, no, no, this is, you came in 2 p.m.
This is not our restaurant, okay?
So you got a wrong place.
No, but your tuna roll, between your legs.
She was mad.
That was a firecracker and a half.
From the beginning, right there, really early on, she was like,
Like, this shit's being recorded.
I'm going to fuck you up.
I think the other link is already mad.
I'm going to sue you.
You're in trouble.
What was your name again, Sloth?
What's the name he used?
I forgot.
Ron Newman.
The old attorney gag.
All right.
So much for that.
That was Sushi, everybody.
We are looking at about...
Just a little over 15 minutes.
So about 15 minutes before...
Sloth, are you the guy that does the streaming for tonight's show?
Actually, I taught Jaiad how he should be doing his own tonight.
Okay.
maybe slight assistance okay you want to let me know when to kick myself off
he should be going on at 10 so i mean i think you're good until then as far as i know yeah
you guys just remind me and make sure i don't keep going i don't want to wait on my accord
this is a pre-show for friday i'm just kind of making up for last night because i had to cut
the show off like i had to and i didn't get a chance to explain it okay the cemetery i don't
think they're open even honolulu hey i don't mean to interrupt you but uh here michael seems like
one up a little bit mic level on your uh background okay so on the back i just turn that down just a
tad yeah babies and shit right yes all right listen i need to get like the largest diapers
you got we don't carry any diapers you don't have diapers at all no just uh well we have
cloth diapers all right yeah what's the biggest one you got there let me see all right large
large which is a 20 21 to 27 pounds all right so i can i'm gonna put one around like each leg
and their claws so i can reuse i'm gonna put one around each leg i'm going to a concert and then
what i'm gonna do is when so not to go to the bathroom and lose my spot i'm gonna just piss
down my legs you know and i figure then the adult the diapers on each leg it'll go down the legs
that'll soak it up you know then what then what do i do with it what do i do with the piss stained
and diapers what should i do with them what do you think wash you can wash them yeah but i can't
wash them at the concert what am i supposed to do i'm not too sure well i don't know either god
damn it you don't have an explanation no i don't what are you what are the instructions what are
they what does it say on the package it's just soap up a urine that's it okay all right can i
wring it out on to the ground i don't see why not like squeeze it out yeah yeah yeah and then all
all the piss comes out right of the cloth it comes out it gets on your hands and everything
yeah all right all right uh mr newman you have anything for her oh no not at all i wasn't i'm
sorry i was not really ready for that sorry i wasn't i don't know i can't go anywhere with this
awkward but what if he has the squirts down his leg do they still can you still ring them out
and are they still reusable after you ring them out so if they do your cloth when you wash if you
you wipe liquid off like a table and you squeeze it and you use it again it's pretty much the same
does the doo-doo stain though yeah yeah because it's white so it'll be brown yellow yeah so you're
saying that my buddy's gonna be walking around this event with dookie and pp inside of his
depends that are wrapped around his ankles what's your name you recommended this okay what's your
your name real quick ma'am ma'am ma'am hello ma'am what's your name this is a great idea i just want
to write your name down real quick so my buddies what we're going to do is when we get there he's
going to wrap the diapers around his ankles he's going to pee and poo in them we're going to ring
him out in the bathroom and then we're going to put him back on and we're going to go back out to
the event and hope that no one smells him right but you said you don't want to lose your space
so if you're gonna go out and ring it out won't you just use the bathroom well we'll have to think
about that one right yeah we weren't prepared for that if you're gonna stand up off your seat
or wherever you are to ring out whatever is on there you might as well just yeah but then he's
gonna have on you remember back in this well you're probably too young but remember when the
girls would wear those leg warmers and they would dance around all stupid uh he's gonna look like
like he has dookie leg warmers on though so you're saying that we don't go ring it out we just hang
out at the in the arena he dookies onto it and pps all over it and then we just hang out what
if someone videos him and puts it on youtube can we say that you recommended it please what if
someone likes the idea we could bring gallon jugs and bring them out into those yeah yeah no would
you guys accept those then to recycle them like after the concert yeah well someone else could
could use him are you there dookie that's fucking nasty though hi thank you for calling baby
employer mark can i help you yeah how are we supposed to do this then i'm sorry how are we
supposed to do this i'm sorry how are we supposed to clean the shit and the piss and everything out
of the diaper excuse me how are we supposed to clean the shit and the piss out of the
fucking baby's diaper how do we do that i don't understand how this works i'm not too sure what
you're asking me sir oh we're three band and we have a baby we don't know how to uh fucking what
what the fuck we do with this cloth diaper that you people sold us?
Okay, so, I'm sorry.
I don't know.
Was I talking?
I wasn't talking to you earlier.
Yeah, well, yeah, Ryan Newman.
I'm Cross, and Ryan Newman, he had the baby.
And, like, there were these gangsters coming after the baby
because there's heroin in the diaper.
So we'll have to watch it.
And the other guy's a pilot.
Awkward's a pilot.
And I'm, like, a gay designer or something.
I forget.
I think I'm an architect or something.
I have a big mustache, like Tom Selleck and shit.
So what do we do with baby?
baby how do we clean baby are you being for real right now yeah how do we clean the stupid
fucking baby yeah we want to you guys tell her she doesn't want to understand someone there told
us to use these diapers and then once the baby pooed and peed in it that we could rinse it out
but it's not rinsing out the way that they told us that it would so now we got a baby
full of poo and pee and my boyfriend freddie mercury he looks like freddie mercury and like
tom selleck had sex and now we got this poo poo and pee pee all up in the diaper because you're
the girl at babies and stuff told us to do it and but now we can't get it out and we're not sure if
it's just because we're gay men who adopted or if it was actually something that maybe she should
not have told us to do and it stinks too oh okay okay so you have cloth diapers and you're wondering
how to get rid of the smell and whatnot yeah oh okay okay then you can go somewhere else with
your attitude because no you didn't girl someone there told us to do this what's your name we could
I could just fling the dookie at you.
How dare you?
Dookie breath.
How dare you?
What a bitch.
I'm professional.
Ma'am, ma'am, you're a real snotty one, aren't you?
I bet you're a sassy in the sack.
Yeah.
Where'd you go?
You'll fling this damn diaper on your windshield.
When you come out of the damn shop, you'll be like, what the fuck?
Where are you, lady?
Come on.
All right, I'll call again.
She giggled.
Yeah.
She said, fuck.
Are you for real right now?
Motherfucker ring.
out of the diaper three men and a baby yeah yeah in the 80s
oh she hung up and i hung up this feels like freddie mercury and tom silicate
i'll stop stop making you guys listen to ringing how about a ross that's where you go when you
don't have a lot of money but you want to you know wear fashion decent clothes yeah yeah fashion
from two years ago yeah sean john from two years ago yeah fat farm angster clothing do they even
sell fubu anymore you remember fubu yeah for us by us yeah there's can i call can i
cross colors no cross colors dude carl carl can i shit looks so ugly and he was like oh yeah
Yeah, I got Carl Canai jeans here.
Sorry?
I got these ugly Carl Canai jeans.
You told my boyfriend to call them, that they would make a good anniversary gift?
I don't think so.
Sorry.
Who are you?
Who is this?
Who am I talking with?
Sorry, I just came into work.
Yeah, who am I talking to?
Talbot.
All right, then you're probably not the guy.
Someone over there recommended to my boyfriend to get me these Kalkanai jeans.
These are black people jeans, first of all.
You know what I mean?
You could have gotten me a nice pair of JNCOs or something like that.
You can return it if you still have the receipt or the tag attached to it.
Well, there's something about that.
The receipt, it got sold to him kind of like on the side, apparently.
Yeah, like the guy that works there, he was like, yeah, they fell off the truck, you know,
and he sold them for cash for $10.
Can I put you on hold real quick?
Where are you going?
My manager wants to see what she can do.
Oh, are you intimidated by the call?
No.
Oh, okay. That's good.
That wasn't what I wanted to do, you know?
Sorry?
Motherfucker, you know?
I don't want to sit there and hold again.
Hey, what's up, Baz? What happened, buddy?
Yeah, I didn't know you were doing the show, man.
I just started makeup for last night.
What's up, Baz?
Hey, Nedba.
Crunchy ring. Crunchy ring.
Try again
Yeah I'm putting Dr. Baz on the line
Hey this is Dr. Big Baby Baz
What's going on
What a dick
Disrespect
I knew he was going to hang up on me
The minute he talked to me
And I forgot to figure out what was the what
What's executive chef
I wonder it's a warehouse
Executive chef looks like they're like a warehouse
That sells chef stuff
Kitchen shit
shit culinary stuff uh come on skype come on skype oh my god i can't copy the number i'm gonna have
to type it in is the time yet is the time yet we got like three minutes all right let's do one
quick prank we'll get out of here i turn it over to jayad oh yeah hello hey well you guys got nice
you got the balls there what is that you got the balls uh this is executive chef yeah you have
those balls that go in the container what is that the ball that goes there's a ball that goes in a
a container and you put it inside and it holds the thing what does it hold the thing the stuff
the stuff for the chef to use it goes in the thing like you know it opens up like this it
comes open and you put it inside what does it do it holds the thing you open it up like this
you see what i mean you're like this like i'm doing and you put the stuff inside how can i
see i'm on the phone oh okay well i have a smartphone you don't have a camera no oh okay
Okay, turn on your texting.
No, we don't have that feature.
Well, you can turn it on.
We don't have that capability.
You don't have a camera on your phone?
Nope.
Everyone has a camera now.
They come with the phone for free now.
No, we don't.
Oh, you don't?
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Our system is pretty old.
It's like 1990 stuff, right?
Exactly.
Well, probably before.
It's a piece of shit.
That's stupid.
I wish.
I wish.
I know.
They've had that in France for how long, right?
You're broke as fuck.
Yeah, it's a fucking piece of shit is what it is.
Fucking poverty phone
Motherfucker
You're a stupid woman
You know
Jason David Frank
Would throw it up in the air
And when it came down
He'd kick it
Right in midair
And it exploded
On some of your
Fucking faces
Alright
He would too
Motherfucker
Alright let me sign out
So
Yeah he would
The giant and the phone
Markers can go on
Alright
See you guys
Thanks for being here
Thanks for having us on
Bye
Thank you bro
Yeah thanks
Have a good weekend
And everyone else
Have a good weekend
A good Friday
I'm turning things over
We'll be right back.
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