Have You Ever Had Your Shit Pushed In?

Okay, thanks.

Guess what?

You can get that phone.

Are you all creating a nuisance to a member of the public?

No, I'm not, man.

Immediately.

Bulls.

No.

You're listening to Madhouse Live.

I'm the largest prank call station in the nation.

Prank call nation.

Hi, everybody.

I can't find my soundboard.

What happened to my soundboard, motherfucking piece of shit?

Fuck.

Pissed me off to no end when that happened.

Damn it.

Shit, damn it.

Or as Baz would say, damn it, really loud.

That's how he likes to say it.

Yeah, let me get the mic in my mouth.

Hey, everybody, how you doing tonight?

I am Carlito.

Carlito, yeah.

I really got to get the sound effects going.

This show sucks on the sound effects.

It lets me shoot the shit for a while.

Anyway, I am Carlito, your host of Madhouse Radio.

I am the man tonight.

Thank you.

If any of the usual guys would like to join as co-host,

I implore you right now to help me out,

give me some assistance i still have not talked to milkman i am a bad friend i'm an asshole what

can i say the ongoing saga continues i haven't talked to milkman i want to say it's been like

three months and shit oh my god fuck him anyway it's kind of annoying he asked me to be honest

with you this is old news anyway man look man is old news man all right i gotta focus for a few

seconds let me uh give me a second i gotta find this shit madhouse soundboard and the pla sound

board all right now i can play applause hey it didn't open what a cocksucker try that again

madhouse sound come on come on google chrome hey oh my god oh my god here we go yeah anyway

i am carlito the host machine of the show machine uh prank call nation of course is the website that

we're using now prankcallnation.com that's the network name that you're listening to a big what's

It's up to all our hosts who are tuning in today from that network.

There are shows just about every night.

There's a schedule up, you know, over at PrankCallNation.com.

Check that out.

Specifically for this show, there is MadHouseLive.com.

MadHouseLive.com, that is my place.

Right there, you can send a request to prank, as I call it.

I call this thing a request a prank.

And with that, you can request a prank call.

It will come to me, and I will then attempt to call it as hopefully as I can.

there's no charge for using request to prank it's delicious it's beautiful it's sexy just use it

yeah also at madhouse live.com now prank call nation also has links to the chat room which i

am in right now it appears on the video feed here on youtube youtube.com slash madhouse radio if

you are listening and not viewing the video because as far as i can tell there aren't many

people watching the video live right now no one gives a shit about it thanks guys thanks for

for supporting me and my endeavor my social endeavor um tonight i don't know what we're

going to be doing as normal i uh have not planned the show out i'm getting a call see dwight's

calling in milkman's calling in oh shit oh milkman's calling should i answer oh man like

to be he's gonna be real probably gonna be really pissed off that i haven't all right hello milkman

milkman milkman hey there milkman hey buddy hi milkman he's not talking oh he's pissed i heard

he was upset so a mutual friend of ours told me he was really pissed off about the whole situation

unless unless maybe maybe he's maybe have muted the thing hang on let me see hang on let me test

it he might be talking and i can't hear hang on milkman if you hear me i'm sorry hello oh hi

Hi, Milkman.

Hi.

Hi, buddy.

Hey, Jeremy.

Yeah, hi.

What the is your problem, man?

Your major malfunction, brother.

I've tried to get a hold of you for fucking weeks, dude.

Are you alive?

Are you fucking dead?

I'm fine.

I suppose you are fine.

I got international sources calling to contact me that you're doing fucking shows, Mr. I'm-Gonna-Fucking-Retire.

I broke my leg.

I don't know what the fuck the problem is.

And then I hear that you got this Matt, you know, like, you know, Milkman Light trying to replace me, the original Milkman.

What the fuck is your problem, dude?

I haven't been doing shows.

This is the first show I did in a long time.

I was going to call you.

Well, how come everybody keeps telling me and I'm getting messages, man, hey, they're doing the shows, man, and you're out.

And they got some laugh track Matt in there, you know, three more or a carnation instant creamer.

Ain't no fucking milk, man.

That's a poor substitute, my man.

Who?

Who said that?

that's what i heard i got messages dude i still got sources out there dude i may not do calls

every fucking week i still got a few friends oh okay i don't know i don't know what to tell you

i just uh yeah i have been doing shows okay i have been i started to replace me i've been doing

shows for like two months now and i didn't tell you i didn't call you or anything what you say

you're gonna replace me now well you know i'm not gonna stand for that shit well i don't know what

What do you want me to tell you?

We're not even really, it's all prank call nation.

Like, you've missed all this stuff.

Prank call nation.

How the hell am I supposed to know, dude?

Like, I mean, I've used voodoo sources here.

You know, I've only got like a couple people, you know,

and I'd be on the other side of the world and say,

hey, Milkman, you've been replaced.

And I was like, what the fuck?

We retired, man.

The show's off the air now for, what, four or five months?

And now all of a sudden you're doing shows again.

You know, it would just have been nice to have got a call

and, you know, let me know that I was being fucking replaced.

I didn't know.

I didn't think you had internet or anything.

I'm sorry.

Like, I don't know.

I was busy.

I got hurt.

And the phone is optional when it comes to me.

I've only, what, known you, what, 10 years?

Nine.

Okay.

Rub it in.

Nine.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Well, we're on the air now.

I don't know if you knew.

Did you know that we're on the air now?

I didn't even fucking know you were on the air.

I just was hoping, you know, around this time, if I logged onto the Skype, I'd see

your stupid nick up there and you'd answer.

Well, I had you blog.

I actually blocked you, like, two months ago.

Well, that's why the fuck I didn't know what's going on, man.

You know, I can't find nothing on here, dude.

You know, I don't even see you on Shoutcast.

Well, because the Shoutcast moved.

Yeah, all that moved.

That's all different now.

Oh, well, la, la, la.

Okay, well, that's last year, man.

I haven't heard nothing.

So, you know, thanks for including me in 2014 here, Mano.

I'm sorry.

I didn't think you would mind.

I thought you weren't interested.

Yeah, well, I'm not interested.

when you retired and you tell me you got a broken leg and you know you're in rehab and then i don't

hear from you again i don't know if they saw the motherfucker off or what whatever happened you

know shit i hope you're doing you're alive at least i guess you are you're doing shows so

yeah that bad off i'm all right what have you missed a lot um yeah since last year what the

fuck man what last year we had problems you know and then here it is you know it comes this year

and we got problems and you go underground on my ass you know pretend like you're retired how

How am I supposed to know?

Well, I mean, the last time we talked, we weren't that, you know, we kind of, I tried

to call you and you're all like, oh, I'm busy.

I'm busy.

I'm driving or some shit like that.

Well, hell, you wasn't doing any shows.

I mean, every time I turn around, you got an excuse.

Yeah.

I wasn't feeling it back then.

And now I am.

Now I like it.

I like shows.

Okay, great, man.

Well, you know what?

I'm back, motherfucker.

And that's, it's settled, man.

Let that laugh pack motherfucker come around here again.

And any of you motherfuckers, step back, bitches, because I'm back.

Oh, yeah, Milkman's back.

Yay.

See?

See, I told you.

I told you, motherfucker.

That's right.

Thank you anyway that I had to take the long fucking way to get back to you.

I don't care.

You're always welcome here, Milkman.

You're welcome here just like you were before.

Well, it's just irritating, man.

You know, you go through these phases, dude.

And, like, man, you know, like one time, you know, you got a broken leg.

you're retiring it's the end of the fucking world you know and the next time i talked here you know

i'm getting called hey guys those shows man you're not on there you've been replaying what the fuck's

going on i call you and you know who told you who told you i got international sources man i was

talking to kokanee and he let me know what the fuck the problem kokanee he doesn't even show up

in the chat room anymore ever well apparently he's got a few friends left in the chat because he's

got information you know i didn't even have the chat url you know i'm in there motherfucking now

though i found it oh i'm glad you found it where were you at before were you at the old the old uh

there's fucking nothing there man you bitches fucking change the irc node and don't even

fucking tell me you know i mean shit okay all right okay guilty i don't read fucking forums

okay guilty i'm not a big forum guy dude i'm more of a live action type of person or at least you

person and you know it's not the listeners man there's a there's many many good loving listeners

out there my beloved i sure have missed you and i thank you all kokanee especially man for

remembering me and at least let me know that our man here come out of retirement you know and uh

i'm glad to hear that you're doing better all right i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i have no

excuse i was saying here just about every week someone would ask and i say yeah milkman i still

still haven't called them i don't want you know even jen was on do you miss jen jen was on and

he asked me where's milkman i said he's gone i said like that so he's gone i was just joking

though he's gone well apparently everybody fell for it because like you know he got even to

coconut and he finally got a hold of him i didn't know what's going on dude you know i said she

you got hurt and you retired you know i just kind of like you know i better chill out this guy is

like in serious fucking rehab it's not answered yeah i've been out for two months listen i'm

sorry look i'll make up with a prank how's that look here's a guy moving right along you missed

a guy last week that can talk to the guy and it was it last week which we changed his voicemail

dude what you guys hacked the machine yeah he had a default password so ken hacked it ken hacks

yeah he hacks his voicemails now and he got ken hacked it yeah yeah but yeah man he learned he

learn the code tricks man dude that like yeah you was always good at that too man yeah but he

changed it to some goofy fucking shit hang on let me uh let me see if i can show you hang on

no actually no he got he changed it back i won't be able to show you well speaking of you know

speaking of answering machines and changed them dude i had talked with kdk dude he's actually

interested in like possibly bringing me on to his show you know so i was like motherfuckers

You don't play games with me, and that doesn't mean I've got to stay in the madhouse.

That PCU shit?

Really?

Are you serious?

Yeah, I had a secret discussion with him, dude.

Dude, he's the host of our old network, man.

You know, you've got this new network.

I didn't know what the fuck it was.

You would really do that?

You're a dick, dude.

That's real fucking dick, man.

I mean, I wanted to fucking at least have a little fun, you know, and at least have

one person that would talk to me.

Dude, whose set are you on, man?

Dude, I'm still at the fucking madhouse, dude.

I'm just being honest with you, man.

I was like, what the fuck, man?

you're that's a dick move man really i can't even believe you just said that at least like

to say it on the air man you know what i wanted to fucking i wanted to get on the air with you

with you again and since you didn't want you know i thought if you're gonna play to me like that put

matt and these people onto me fuck that man i got you know i still got a few friends just because i

didn't do shows with katie kane years man doesn't mean that we couldn't again dude you remember the

old day that was the original financial supplier of the pcu network i bought all the cards for

For, like, the first three years, I paid for every call.

Every single call that went out, I paid for.

Whatever.

All right.

Whatever.

So, you know, anyway.

Yeah, fine.

Go, yeah.

I'm not going to take the offer up, dude.

Please enter your temporary access code.

Go help Katie Kay.

If you do not have an access code, press star now.

I'm not going to take it, man.

Go help Katie Kay.

Yeah, go ahead.

See how good that goes for you.

Please enter your temporary access code.

If you do not have an access card

Games

Is this shit not working?

Motherfucker

Please enter your password

It worked, it got me through

One, one, one

Please enter your password

I'm sorry

That is not the correct password

Alright, I was hoping he might have changed it

To like the last four of his phone number

But I guess not

He didn't do the symmetrical ones

Like on the number pad

Yeah, those are always easy ones to check.

Yeah, he's texting me all week talking a bunch of shit like you're a faggot and all this stuff.

Oh, dude, you'll have to let me hear that call or something later on when you get it posted.

I'll be interested to hear that.

Oh, shit, I fucked up.

I dialed it wrong.

Oops.

How many codes is there?

Is there like four digits?

It's a four-digit code, yeah, but this is the first time I do this.

Because I'm trying to use spoof card just for this guy.

You look at all of them.

Like, if you're looking at the phone pad, like, okay, 1, 2, 3, 4, you know, obviously 4, 3, 2, 1.

And then you've got, like, you know, 1, 4, 7, you know, moving down, 0, you know, 2, 5, 8, 0.

All those in a row, dude.

Any of those symmetrical patterns, always check those.

Because most people are lazy and can't remember.

So they try and draw on that.

Like you.

Right.

I had one of those old GE answering machines.

hey motherfucker yeah you know who this is you keep texting me and shit no i don't you dumb

sumbitch you stupid you motherfucker you you keep texting me like a motherfucker

what i don't know who you're talking about i'm texting you you four i haven't texted anybody

yeah motherfucker you just texted you texted me yesterday you son of a asshole motherfucker

your mom's an asshole

hole that's how motherfucker yeah acting like he doesn't call him nigger cab sound like he wasn't

too pleased there man sorry to get warmed up was that the nigger cab that sound like it back in the

day oh my god don't say that word that's a bad word you got supposed i said nigger cab man i

didn't say it in a derogatory form right in the complimentary hilarious you're right i'm the one

that said it all i'm the one that said you named it whoops all right here's i didn't call him back

let me copy paste the number i'm gonna call him for the number the number he's used to seeing

i inhaled a leaf today through my nose a small leaf sweet leaf no it was

fucking maple leaf or something no it was like a little oak leaf little motherfucker

yeah motherfucker hey your boyfriend's dick and leave me alone okay why did you say you

didn't text me when you did i'm hoping he's going to keep calling in and shit i heard the girl in

the background saying about contacting the police i don't know if you heard it but i heard that word

coming out right now he's talking to them now contacting the police something like that he's

whatever they're full of shit they're a bunch of dumbasses oh dude he was pissed it was something

about sheep fucking or something i don't know what ken said he said oh of course only ken was

Yeah, he says some ridiculous stupid shit

Fucking sheep

Alright, good call

He's a fucking pervert

Oh shit, he does something good, I guess

Let me go back to

Lonesome Loser is in the house

Lonesome Loser

Remember him?

Oh, this held high for my big brother

He won't help you out if you go to

KPC or whatever it is

He's not going to help you out, man

Well, hey, you know, I'm in the chat

Yeah, am I going to seriously be on the bottom of the list forever,

or will I make it up anywhere into the top six?

Oh, you want ops now?

I'm still a little tiny milkman here, faintly visible on the screen.

No one even knows I'm in here, dude.

Okay, okay, George.

Hey, George.

Hey, here's a little idea.

Okay, a couple people.

You know George?

Colonel Sanders.

Thanks, Colin Croswell.

Glad you're taking the mic.

Hey, asshole, how are you?

Good, thank you.

Oh, good.

I wanted to make an order.

uh yeah let's get a phone number yeah sure go ahead yeah go ahead you get it you get it because

i'm not from this country so you tell me now your phone number i i don't have a local phone number

six okay six one two six nine three one eight eight two eight that's the real phone number

motherfucker the name cross sorry cross cross like the symbol you got that all right one one uh pizza

I want one pizza.

Yep.

One pizza, cooked.

What kind were you after?

I want it cooked.

Cooked, you know, it's got to have some crust on it there, like a bread, a little bit of tomato sauce.

What toppings would you like on it?

Cheese, salt, garlic, oregano, stuff like that.

Are you after any target flavor or just...

Yeah, how about one meat?

One meat.

Yep.

Okay.

Is that in a large or medium?

Yeah, medium's fine.

All right.

Can you read that back to me?

You sound kind of thick.

It's a medium meat deluxe.

No, I don't want a meat deluxe.

I just want meat.

One meat.

What meat?

Just what meat we're after on it.

Like pork?

You put some pork on that?

You got any pork?

Yeah, we have pork.

Yeah, yeah.

I'll take that.

I'll take pork.

One pork pizza.

Look, man, I don't know what to do with you.

You're fucking pissing me off, motherfucker.

No, no, I'm just going through the computer, sorry.

You're going through your ass is what you're doing.

Are you going through your ass with a finger?

A fist.

Yeah, pull it out and smell it.

Ooh, you like to fist your asshole?

Do you use poppers?

Do you use poppers, motherfucker?

I'm sorry?

Do you use poppers, motherfucker?

No, I don't.

Well, it'll loosen your asshole.

You can really get in there, get the poo-poo out of your asshole.

You ever get your shit pushed in?

Hey, you ever get your shit pushed in?

Good afternoon, Bel Air Pizza and Pasta.

Yeah, Bel Air Pizza.

Yes, it is.

You ever get your shit pushed in?

What happened?

Do you ever get your shit pushed in?

Yeah.

Ever get my what?

Your shit pushed in.

I don't understand what you're saying.

Your shit.

Your shit, you know?

The shit in your ass.

The feces in your asshole and your colon.

No.

You don't know what that is?

What do you ever get?

What do I get?

What do you mean, what do I get?

Who is this?

This is Cross.

Hello.

Hi.

I'm Cross.

My name's Cross.

I told you already.

Thank you for calling Domino's Pizza Kringle.

My name's Nicole.

How can I help you?

Hey, big girl.

How are you?

Good.

How are you?

Oh, I'm good.

Good, sexy.

That's nice.

Listen, I wanted to make an order.

Pick up or deliver?

One pizza?

Pick up or deliver?

One pizza.

What would you like?

One pizza.

What pizza would you like?

With meat.

For barbecue meat lovers?

No.

Pork?

Pardon?

Pork.

For barbecue pork meat lovers?

You have a barbecue pork meat lovers?

Yes, we do.

No, I don't want that.

I just want pork meat.

Just pork meat?

Yeah.

All of our meat is a combination of beef and pork, so we can put any combination of meat

on a pizza for you.

That's really ignorant and stupid, you know?

You know what I'm saying?

It's really ignorant and stupid.

How so?

Put the manager on the phone, or a man.

I am the manager at the moment.

I'm the store manager.

Put the man manager, the real manager, on.

We have no men managers.

Is there any men that I could talk to?

No, there isn't.

Even if they're under you.

No, there isn't.

Yes, there are.

No men.

They're all women.

At the moment, it is.

That's horrible.

That must be the worst fucking pizza and the worst service, and you guys mess it up.

i'm just getting warmed up here guys please bear with me well honey she hung right up he's like

fuck you motherfucker man fuck you saying shit like that motherfucker that's what she said

yeah that was a good shit dude you hung on for a while it's a fact she lasted longer she did

she's trying to be saucy there for a while yeah and the one dude hung on for a while too yeah he

really did man the prank sucked but he at least he stayed on for a while he was like what my

He said he fisted himself at first, right?

He admitted to that, and then he didn't bring it up again.

I thought he was a willing candidate for him.

Yeah, I thought he was like a freaking sneaker there.

Yeah, damn.

Well, I'll be getting to Request a Pranks here shortly.

In the meantime, we are calling pizza places in Australia, in the island nation of Australia.

We just got off the line with three different ones.

The first guy, he just stood around with his dick in his hand.

And the second guy hung up real quick when I called him motherfucker.

The third one is a woman, and we made her feel bad about herself,

and she won't answer the phone again.

Let's call a different Domino's Pizza.

Let's see if a woman answers, and we can degrade her too.

Wow, how about that, Milkman?

You like that idea?

Heck yeah.

There's nothing wrong with bringing him down to the base.

That's right.

Bring him down to the base.

Listen, guys, send in your request to Frank,

so I'll be hitting those up in a little bit after I burn through some

Lonesome Loser numbers.

Thank you.

It's a noo-noo.

I don't see noo-noo in here.

Domination Tom, this is Em speaking.

May I please get your order for the phone number?

Hey, sexy, how are you?

Pardon?

Hi, hi, sexy, how are you?

Hello?

Yeah, hi, sexy, how are you?

I'm very well, thank you.

How are you?

I'm good.

I'd like to make an order.

One pizza?

Yeah, I'd just need to grab a phone number, please.

Yeah, one pizza?

Yeah, I'd just need a phone number, doll.

Okay.

Could you please give me a phone number that I can get in contact with you on?

Yeah, with cheese and meat, one meat.

Yeah, so before I can take your order and procedure from here, I just need to grab a phone number off you.

Oh, I don't, I think there's like a language thing here.

Is there a man I can talk to?

A man?

Yeah.

No, it's just the two of us.

It's just two girls.

Oh, that's really bad.

Really?

Just two women there?

Yes.

Yeah, you guys finger each other?

No, we do not finger each other.

If you're not interested in buying any pizza, you'll have to hang up the phone.

The number is 269-31-2202.

So would you be able to repeat that?

yeah 26931 2202 and i'm staying in a hotel yeah what hotel was that the holland in the toll and

in yes yep so the one just around the back here yeah but i'm going to be picking it up honey i

don't know yep that's fine listen because if it's just two women if she comes over here to deliver

that you know i'm like no we deliver pizza all the time but look if you'd like to come pick it

up that would probably be easier otherwise you'll still get charged well i mean if she comes over

over she might want to like fuck you know because i wear a fair i am machine i will not be staying

around for a chat sorry okay i do need you to um just get a wig on with taking this order through

okay yeah one pizza yeah what pizza was that uh one meat yeah i want it with meat pork meat please

yeah we've got the barbecue pork meat i don't want that shit i just want pork meats so what

do you mean one pork meats yep so we've got a meat others which doesn't have pork i don't want

I don't want the barbecue thing.

You don't understand.

Are you sure there's no man there?

No, there's definitely no man here.

So, look, I'm going to have to ask you just to calm down a little bit.

If you'd like to order some pizza, you're just going to have to be a bit more cooperative with me.

Yeah.

Why don't you go, you want your co-worker to go finger you a little bit?

You can calm down yourself a little bit.

No, sir.

Look, if you're not interested in ordering, I'm going to have to ask you to stop being so sexist towards us.

Okay.

All right.

I'll stop.

Thank you.

I much appreciate that.

Yeah.

I just need to clarify what pizza you're actually after.

Uh, one pepperoni pizza, medium.

A pepperoni?

Yeah, and how's the tuna over there?

We don't have any tuna.

Oh, I'm sure you do.

You have two servings of it.

Look, so I'm going to hang up the phone if you can't stop being so sexist.

Look, look, look in between your legs, planting a tuna right there, tuna girl.

Okay, look, when you're interested in ordering pizza, you can come into the store or call up and try and talk to someone else.

Sorry, I'm getting very upset with how sexist you're being towards both of us as women.

Oh, okay.

Do you know girls taste like copper pennies down there?

Have you tried?

You've tried, right?

Sorry, I didn't hear that.

sex oral sex and labia she hung out for a while too i'm surprised i said nasty shit she lasted

for a little while man but gosh man they're really like over there i said some real fucking nasty

Domino's time.

This is Tash speaking.

Yes, I'd like to order one chicken fingers.

One what, sorry?

Chicken fingers.

Chicken fingers?

We don't have chicken fingers, sorry.

Oh, how about you finger your co-worker there?

I know the two of you dyke it out all the time, right?

I actually have a girlfriend, so I do that to her.

Oh, fuck yeah.

What's her name?

I'm not telling you.

Does she have big knockers?

I actually have work to do, so if you're not going to order a pizza, I'm just going to have to leave it.

Sorry.

Oh, so you're the guy then that works there.

I knew there was a man working there.

What's up, dude?

I like to make an order.

She's not a lesbian.

She's just saying that.

Whatever.

Australians are very anti-gay.

Maybe she's curious.

maybe just thought about it willing to learn that too hey boy how are you little monkey

hello yeah i'd like to make an order you little monkey boy who are you buddy i'm cross i'd like

to make an order cross my name is cross yep what do you want uh one pizza machine hello yeah one

pizza machine wrong number buddy sorry this is hallbrook pizza pasta takeaway you stupid

motherfucker you right who are you who are you buddy i said i'm cross are you ulu kapata yeah

Yeah? Hello? Banjood?

You're just going to sit there and listen?

What's the matter with that guy?

Dick shy.

He had to lie down. He stood next to him at a urinal.

Oh, my.

I thought he knew you when you started being profane.

He said, who is this?

That's funny. The first assumption has to be somebody I know.

Banjood?

Who are you, buddy?

This is Vriage, and you are Banjood.

I think I can piss him off.

If he picks up the third time, he might go over the edge here.

Wait and see.

dude that didn't count as a pickup he just hung right up fuck man oh man you did easy over bitch

yeah fuck him all right well moving right along let's uh have a gander here at the request to

prank real quick and then we'll go back to lonesome's number yeah what's so funny what's

so funny yeah i'm not too pleased with you but the first assumption is is that when people you

know meet somebody really outrageous like that they think it has to be some only somebody they

know could do something like that that's the first assumption that's so funny oh by the way i need to

mention to enigma he's listening i'm sure that the request to prank is not sending out emails again

oh i'm not getting them oh so i'm gonna have to log in and uh get them that way that's a pain

what does it do we respond to you and letting you know that we received it or it actually it does

It actually sends it to me, too, yeah.

Oh, okay.

It sends it to you and then doesn't reply.

Thanks for sending.

Okay.

Yeah, it sends me the info and sends the person sending it a reply back.

That's cool.

But I can log in.

You don't have to think like if they actually used a call and trigger that response.

No, no.

I was going to say that.

You've got some serious tracking if you got down to that science by now.

No, no.

Oh, but I believe we should be able to replay that call we did a little earlier to that one.

It's a replay.

It's cool.

I like it.

Right about that.

Hang on.

Let's play that real quick.

I love it.

Hey, motherfucker.

Yeah, you know who this is.

You keep texting me and shit.

No, I don't, you dumb sumbitch.

You mother fucker, you.

You keep texting me like a motherfucker.

Fuck you.

You mother fucker, you.

You keep texting me like a motherfucker.

You mother fucker.

You texted me yesterday, you asshole motherfucker.

Yeah.

You asshole motherfucker.

That's what I said right there, milkman.

I think he had a serious problem.

He had a serious problem.

yeah all right let me uh look at these forms i got them here saved form submissions yeah yeah

we have quite a few of them today i see them can i open them expand all right here's the number four

jenna no from jenna yeah i don't know how this format works when it's in this view that i'm

looking at shit uh here we go all right our request is for a lonely british chick we need

to call her and show her some love ask her why her whatsapp status is so depressing it says take

takes the absolute piss i'm done with you all sure whatever sound a bit troubled there yeah

so this is for jenna jenna i'm sorry jenna is the person we're pranking ryan sent this in big ryan

big fat ryan sent this in he's a real big fat guy he's one of our new listeners and he's really big

Big man.

Milkman, did you know that?

Ryan?

Oh.

You know Ryan?

Oh, yeah, he's great.

Cool.

He's a very popular up-and-coming prank caller.

He's called Ryan Pranks.

Ryan Pranks, all right.

And he weighs 480 pounds, I think, or something.

Holy shit, dude.

But he's not related to that one weird dude we had a few years ago.

Death Fox?

No, no, no.

Yeah, Death Fox.

He has a special chair.

He bought a special chair.

Oh, shit.

And he has a shower chair, too.

Let's reinforce so it holds him up

Welcome to the O2 messaging service

The person you are calling is unable to take your call

We'll bounce and try him again

No answer there

I was just kidding

I don't know Ryan

I've never met him

He's probably a nice in shape guy

He's probably handsome

But I can't back up any of what I told you

I just know his name

And that he has a friend named Jenna

and he probably has whatsapp also okay here's a guy named dennis who's on he's on craigslist

selling a 25 foot pontoon boat with a trailer he just had a 75 horsepower high output johnson

stinger engine put on it doc johnson baby yeah got the stinger attachment

the engine can easily be lifted or dropped to adjust to different water levels by a single

lever whoa man that is some fucking fly fishing that's got some power baby yeah that's some

bass fishing rotation on your twister yeah hey hey milkman when i was uh hurt when i was staying

in the hospital and shit uh i would wake up early i figured out that a five o'clock in the morning

on espn3 i think it was there was a a bass fishing bass fishing show i got really into it it was

fucking awesome i would sit there and watch it like you really was hurt then right you're telling

me you really was hurt yeah but i had a morphine drip so it's i i just sit there watching bass

fishing mashing the morphine but it was like oh wow oh it was so you couldn't even change the

channel dude she was captivated huh i'm telling you dude bass fishing is so much better when you

got a morphine drip but you can control hey dude that's the best seat in the house it was so

fucking fun okay look this guy's selling a boat all right he's got a whole fucking story i'm not

gonna read all this you guys don't care see if this motherfucker answers i say motherfucker a

lot too i don't know if you notice i caught that yeah hey boy how are you i want to get that

motherfucking uh pontoon boat motherfucker you do what i want to get the motherfucking pontoon

boat you got there motherfucker what are you talking about you had a ad dennis craigslist ad

Ah, 25-foot pontoon motherfucking boat?

Yeah.

Yeah, I want that shit, motherfucker.

Especially the trailer, man.

I want that fucking trailer.

You have to have a license plate on the trailer, motherfucker.

Why are you touching, dude?

I just talk like that.

That's how I talk.

Oh, I didn't know you knew it.

Oh, well, I'm from Tennessee.

I like talking like that all the time.

You want me to not curse?

I'm sorry.

You're Christian.

I'm sorry.

You are a motherfucker.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to say that.

All right, so what can you tell me about the pontoon boat, sir?

Don't even worry about it, man.

You shouldn't have worked

No I really

I need to buy a pontoon boat

And a trailer

I like to do fishing

On the

You know I do bass fishing

Listen I was laid up

I was laid up in the hospital

With a morphine drip

And I would watch bass fishing

I got real into it dude

Mother fucker

Alright man

Fuckin asshole

Dickhead

Whatever

He hung up

I called back

He hung up for a little while

Yeah he did

I thought he was gonna say something

Turn it back to

He's holding it back

Yeah

I'm sorry

But the person you called

Has a voicemail box

He's trying to ease it out.

Oh, you know what?

Ken could hack that.

Let's save that for Ken when he joins later.

There you go.

Yeah, because I can't connect them because Milkman is not...

You know how that goes.

All right, look.

We have Stan.

Stan the Man.

He has a five-horsepower Hobart meat grinder.

Oh, yeah.

It's a three-phase fucking meat grinder, Milkman.

Can you believe that shit?

Yeah, dude.

I actually used to run one of those, dude.

Holy shit.

What, did you just throw the whole cow in there?

Yeah, it's called a mill.

You just threw the whole cow in there, man.

You can take anything.

You can take basically what it is.

It's got about the size of what you see, the little worms.

You know, the hamburger when it comes out, that's the size that the plate is in the front.

And basically, you take anything, you got ground meat, anything, and it's a real hard steel.

it's got a like a serpentine it's like a fork screw you know kind of like that it's a screw

and it screws the meat down and down packs it and when it hits that grating it pushes it through

and that's what makes to me it doesn't actually cut it it just presses it through there it just

crushes it through there like that's fucked up so when you made the grind a lot of time what we do

first of all you got like grind it came or if you had like extra steak trimmings you know and

And, like, a little bit of the fat, the good fat, you throw it in there because you've got to have a little bit of fat in your grind to keep it so it won't burn and so it'll fry up right.

You know, because most people expect a hamburger to have a lot of grease.

Yeah, you've just got to fry all that grease.

That's right, because the meat, you know, if it was just dry without any grease, dude, it would burn real easy.

You know, you don't want that.

So you want that grease to come out and allow the meat to cook.

If you know how to cook them, then you don't mind it.

But if you're going to use, like, a grill, but when people use pans and shit inside the house, then, yeah, that's what happens, I guess.

Oh, man, really?

Did you guys put bones in there to separate the meat from the bone?

No, no, no.

It catches the bone.

The size of the meat hole of the little hamburger hole is how small a bone it'll stop.

Anything that's smaller, it won't stop.

Oh.

All right.

Well, that makes sense.

Okay.

Rarely anymore, dude, are you ever going to see anybody actually cutting meat and putting bone in there.

because no one does bone saws in any stores that I know of.

Bone saws.

Unless you're like a real meat shop.

Because everybody now gets all their grind brought in,

and they just take them, just throw it in there.

It's basically like chopped meat like I was telling you about.

It's already been, like, chunked.

Yeah.

It's got, like, a lot of fat in it.

And then they just throw that into the mill, and they grind it fresh each day.

So it comes in the meat form, so it'll stay a little bit longer.

Because as soon as you start pushing it through the mill,

it's always going to be a little bit of bacteria and everything in it.

And then you've only got three days.

Basically, grind should only run for three days.

If you ain't had it for three days on the shelf, then you've got to sell it overnight.

So you really don't want it after about the fourth or fifth day.

If you cook it the same night, if you buy it on the fifth day, you can still cook it.

I know that pink slime stuff that everyone talked about that ended up getting banned from most places.

It was mechanically separated meat product.

It was just, like, they would run a, weren't they running bones, like, through machines to extract the raw shavings?

No, no, what it is, dude, it's actually an antibiotic.

Ooh, really? Oh, it's this.

It's an antibiotic. It makes the meat stick together, but it's actually an antibiotic in there.

Because the way they process the animals, okay, the normal way that anybody would slay an animal, you know, you'd cut its throat and everything, and then you'd cut it, right?

you know you don't just like rip it apart you know you slice it and then you cut you know you

cut away the skin and then you get in that inner layer and then you know you cut each organ off

and you pull it out you know you don't like squish it so the shit comes out of the guts

but they don't take that much time they're in such a big hurry to rip the cow to shreds

that they put on a fucking machine and this big ass machine like basically hauls them up by a neck

and fucking like slices her belly open or like shit and guts everywhere and it's that machine

machine and start pulling shit out of there, then another machine comes and, like, it's

like a, kind of like what you see, like, tears the ground up, it's like a, it looks like

a, like a, like a brush, and it basically just, like, strips the meat from it, all

the way down to about the level of the bone, and that's where, like, the cheat meat is,

it's like they'll let it go all the way down to the bone, and you'll get little pieces

of, like, bone in your grind, and meat, but it's because it's done all mechanically.

Yeah, it's mechanically separated, you'll look at the shit on the ingredients sometimes

on some things, and it's just mechanically separated

meat. It's like, oh. That's why, yeah.

Because that's 99% of all of our

hamburgers we get, you know, basically in

any normal chain food or any of that kind of

shit. It's all of that. All of us have to

eat that stuff. And that guts

gets all over it, and that normally

that would cause your meat to rot real

quick and taste bad. So they put

that in there so it'll

last a little bit longer until it gets to you

so it won't rot until either about the time

it gets to your stomach. And then you can either freeze it

or buy it in the store or whatever it's going to be.

Yeah, okay, I get it.

All right, look, we got to do a prank call.

I've been doing right along, sorry about that.

No, that's all right.

I was interested.

I like meat talk.

Meat's hot.

We're doing request to pranks here.

Send yours.

Speak about meat.

Where the hell's Nunu at?

Wanking it?

Hey.

Right.

Is that Stanley?

Yeah.

Oh, hey, sexy.

How are you?

I see you got a Hobart meat grinder.

Yes.

Oh, nice.

It's got three phase, too.

Oh, wow.

What can you tell me about it?

What do you want to know?

What does it do?

It's a five-horsehold barter meat grinder.

Yeah, what's it do?

What's it do?

It grinds meat.

Yeah, what do you do?

You put bones in that motherfucker and all that?

Or does it do the mechanically separation?

What a motherfucker, man.

All I said was motherfucker once to him, Milkman, and he hung up.

Dickhead.

Baz likes talking meat and trading sex stories.

Hey, man, this is the place for you.

Kitty grind cat meat.

These knuckleheads never change, man.

They'll never fucking grow up, man.

I'm in good company, man.

that's nasty all right he talked sexy that's right man that's all right i got a number here

for a pastor dan or keith cabone uh baz hasn't grown up motherfucker after 10 years excuse me

with that motherfucker i'm catching it after 10 freaking years man baz hasn't grown up of course

not he's been around since pretty well the beginning yeah yeah we're all childs children

I think we wouldn't be doing this.

I mean, what, every one of us are probably at least 29 now.

Yeah, exactly.

Look, a van or bus is needed by a pastor.

They're in need of a donation of either a 15-passenger van or a bus.

Come to the Madhouse.

You will be welcome.

They say they're an inner-city church, and they provide breakfast on Sunday morning

and a hot meal Wednesday night for more than 85 children.

And they need a bus or a van.

and their current one is broken down.

Oh, my God.

If you have a van or bus to fill our need,

the donation is tax-deductible, motherfucker.

All right, let's do it.

Holy shit, that's what I had heard for a while.

K-Bone.

Who the hell was that?

It said K-Bone.

K-Bone, man.

K-Bone.

That bike machine.

That's the guy I was talking with about the show.

I'm going to tell this guy that I know Keith.

His name is K-Bone.

Call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

All right, try it again.

again we're gonna get an answer no no answer moving right along let me refresh the page here

so that we make sure we have the latest request of pranks in front of it see if we have any new

ones that have come in i'll have to read them to see yes we do have we have a we have a we have an

animal hospital we have quite a few of them all right cool good we'll get to those in a minute

i'm gonna get to the older ones first so i don't want them to dry out oh shit now i gotta i gotta

got to find where i left off fort collins no i didn't do that one we just did the van right

yeah or i should say we tried to yeah we did the meat grinder before that i don't know can you

accept this if i send this to you and put in the chat what is it a number or what is it no no no

it's a file i was sending oh yeah i got it i'm saving it should have drop boxed it dude drop

boxes i didn't know dude i just i was laughing when i saw it i thought we'll send this i'll

share this joke all right all right sure yeah sure all right look more request to pranks here

we just did pastor dan as i said the next one down the list is in pennsylvania for a jackie

uh dirt bird sends in jackie's number he says or she says uh they worked with the democratic

national committee the dnc uh she was on the call list and dirt bird called to ask if she would

would again support the obama campaign in 2014 and she blew a gasket on him apparently there's

another jackie in this town that is a democrat and this woman is a tea party nut and told me

verbatim she mucked out horse shit for 20 years and made it clean she was not affiliated with a

party that believes in not working for what you get she mucked out horse shit for 20 years and

and made it clear.

What does mucking out horse shit mean?

Muck out means like you shovel it

and everything else has got to be done

after they shovel it.

You know, like washing it or anything.

Basically clean the shit out of the stall.

All right.

I've done that, dude.

I moved, actually,

I helped to move over a ton and a half

of fucking shit one time.

I had to shovel, dude, me and my father.

Guess who done most of the shoveling?

I'm going to go on a limb here.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I think you probably would guess, and it probably wouldn't start with the word father.

So, where'd you put the shit?

In the toilet?

Dude, we had this gigantic fucking truck, man.

It was like one of those two-ton, like one-and-a-half-ton model.

What the fuck are those?

Ford Supers.

Yeah.

Had the fucking sides on it, and then we took that shit home.

And this is the funniest thing, dude, thinking back on it now.

We took and spread like that ton-and-a-half of shit about the front and the backyard of our house, dude.

covered it dude it was it was like turd city it smelled like a fucking cow shit house like

my god you could smell it like like like you know like a mile away dude so we we had to go out and

put lime on the shit right that helps to deactivate it and like you know cut the smell down like break

it down but the whole purpose was is that we use it to seed our yard and plant new grass but you

You ought to have fucking seen the grass, dude.

My gosh.

It grew like thick, like carpet.

And then the weeds grew like wild.

Oh, my gosh, dude.

It would make sense because, you know, like if you have a horse or a cow, they're going to eat the grass.

So, naturally, you would expect nature to make that.

It would cause it to grow better so it would grow faster back in after it got eaten so that they could come back and eat.

The little horsies.

Yeah.

Horse.

This is mostly cow shit, though.

There's probably some horse turds in there, though.

Holes? Holes? Holes?

There are a lot of horses.

Hello?

Hey, how are you? Is this Jackie?

Who is this?

Yeah, great. This is Cross. I'm calling from the DNC.

I understand you're a supporter of the Obama campaign,

and we're looking for people to call in and write in to their senators.

Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

It is after 11 o'clock.

Yeah, there's...

I was sleeping.

I know. Congress is still in session.

there's an emergency vote going down tonight hello ma'am miss jackie all right she's she's

pretty pissed let me try her again she hung up on me they're not available now probably hack that

motherfucker i'll call her back later i'm gonna move i'm gonna try to get her later wake her up

again she'll probably get real pissed okay uh another number here we got someone selling lots

of collectible mcdonald's furby toys from 1996 those fucking beanie baby shits oh no furby

Furby wasn't out in 96 dude

Furby came out like in 98

What are you talking about asshole

You mean Beanie Babies

I don't get it

That's what they posted though

Let me question about that

96 was Beanie Baby

Well what was the Cabbage Head Dolls

That was like the 80s wasn't it

Yeah that was like 85, 84

And then they had the Care Bears

And that was like the end of the 80s, early 90s

And it was Rainbow

Strawberry, Rain Bright

All I know is the fucking women I was down with, dude, they would love that kind of shit right then, man.

It was so popular.

That's the only reason I remember that dumb shit.

There was Beanie Babies, Tamagotchi.

Yeah, they didn't really get that.

Like, a lot of people collected them, though.

I remember Power Rangers was a really big one.

Yeah, the Young Homos did that.

Yeah, J.D.O.

Hey, honey, how are you?

I see you got some Furby toys.

Oh, yeah.

They're from 1996?

Yeah.

You're real fucking stupid because the Furby didn't come out until 1998.

98 i worked for the toy company i knew a motherfucker well they have the 96 on the bottom

96 is for beanie babies you're full of shit do you smoke yeah well the furby came out in 98 not

96 so i'm writing you up right now hold on can i get your name yeah i'm writing you up i'm reporting

you i'm writing you up i'm writing you up i'm reporting you i'm putting a negative thing on

you and you're going to be in big trouble well i'm looking at him and it does maybe my eyes are

not good i'm looking in the light and it does one of them uh i pulled it out of the box and it does

say 98 it does say 98 so you fuck yeah you fucked up big time thank you for letting me know you're

stupid asshole okay bitch motherfucker you can't fucking read wow see i was right the whole time i

I told you.

Dude, she almost had a heart attack

being profaned.

She just got some BCO in that heart.

God damn.

She about died, dude.

Be careful, man, on that one.

Guys, she sounds like she has a cancer kazoo or something.

Check the obituaries tomorrow, man.

Cancer patient dies.

It's very big.

It's both here.

Please leave your message for...

Let's see.

Bitch.

To replay your message,

press 1, 2, 3, 4.

Bitch.

to replay your message press 1 to continue recording press 2 at the tone please continue

recording your message to replay your message press 1 to continue recording press at the tone

please continue recording your message to replay your message press 1 to continue recording

to replay your message press 1 to continue recording

press 2

to delete and

re-record your message

press 3

for delivery options

press 4

to send a fax

press 6

to cancel this message

press star

to send this message now

press pound

or hand

your message has been sent

thank you for calling

thank you for waiting

to the very end

to tell me to send it

I had to either

hit pound or just hang up

like the first thing

could have been that

so I would have just

hung up

asshole

by the way

you could have hung up

5 seconds ago

go his name was little samuel oh shit all right milkman are you there you're quiet what happened

oh

man.

Hey, yes, I'm here.

I just muted it, man.

I forget and I leave it muted and I start talking sometime.

Yeah.

four years in texas we have a man who has a bull for sale there you go milkman

i'm gonna put him through a shredder one of the meat grinders hobart hobart what is it hobart

hobart we have no name with this we're just going with it selling a bull either we can either say

we're gonna grind it or we're gonna masturbate him guys in the chat room what do you want me to do

that's a do i'm gonna masturbate the bull or grind him please tell us hello yeah how are you how are

Yeah, you have a bull for sale.

Seven-month-old, a nice baby bull.

Okay, yeah, I wanted to get that bull.

Is he nice, good-tempered, or is he an asshole?

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, I wanted to masturbate him, so...

Is he like, will you let me do that and all that?

He hung right up.

He's like, no.

Masturbate it while you grind it, George.

I like that, yeah.

That was a good idea.

Good to meet you, Noble Voicemail Boss of Justin Winter.

Please leave a name, number, brief message, and I'll get back to you.

Name number.

Name number brief message.

Try him in again.

Please leave name number brief.

Justin, call back when wake up.

Thank you.

That's barely talk.

He sounds like an Indian, a Native American.

Double voice mailbox.

Justin Winter.

Please leave name number brief message.

And I'll get back to you at the top.

Thanks for calling.

I will call back when great sun rises.

Matt is a rather obese.

What?

No.

I'm sorry.

Let's try that again.

Again, Matt has a rather obese girlfriend, okay, who bought him a phone so she could keep track of him.

Ooh, jelly.

Now, this isn't the one that's trying to horn in on my spot, right?

No.

This isn't Carnation Light, right?

No, no, Matt.

Laugh Track Matt Hillock, he has a beautiful girl who is from Norway or some shit, and I think they're together right now.

I'm about to get tough with this.

I think they're fucking right now.

Yeah, I think they're fucking right now.

Yeah.

He got poppers and everything to do with it.

Poppers?

Yeah, he did.

I'm not kidding.

He actually got poppers.

He's been doing it for like two weeks.

He's like, yeah, I'm going to fuck a girl.

Nah, I speak of poppers.

Sweden.

She's Swedish.

Sweden.

Sorry.

Sweden.

Sorry.

Her name is Ida.

Idaho.

No, her name is Ida.

It's spelled Ida, but it's pronounced Ida.

Yeah.

And they're a perfect match.

They're a cute couple.

Cool.

Yeah.

That's who we're calling now?

Well, no, no.

We're calling someone else.

She likes face-sitting.

Matt was telling me she likes face-sitting and stuff like that, so he was going to be

doing some of that with her.

That's hot.

He sits on her face?

No, she sits on his face.

She sits on his face.

Face-sitting and blood porn.

You sure he ain't the other way around?

No, no, no.

That's not fun for a guy.

What?

You like to get your asshole eaten?

Like, when I grow up, you freak?

I ain't tried it, so I don't know.

That's gay.

I figured he did.

Gay.

Gay, gay, gay.

Beats wiping.

Thank you, Encore.

Encore.

Your call has been forwarded

To an automated voice messaging system

Fucker

We'll try him again

The problem is

With that statement

Is how do you

Shit taste like that

Yeah

How do you

It was just ass cheese

I heard a racist joke

That reminds me of what you just said

Hello

Hello this is Bruno

Come on man

He picked up and hung up

We'll try him again

I have a racist joke

You want to hear it Milkman

After this call

Yeah go ahead

Yeah, play it on me when you can.

Yeah, after his call.

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice.

All right, the racist joke is, why do police dogs lick their assholes?

And the answer is to get the taste of black people out of their mouths.

But then you're supposed to say the N-word instead of black people.

I'm being nice.

All right.

Yeah, now Matt would have said the N-word right there.

Oh, I got a message here in the open chat.

Dwight wants you to check your Skype number for a precious number.

He sent you a message in Skype.

Dwight is Ken

Can I connect

Baz and Ken they want to be on

Yeah go ahead and connect them

You guys are going to get along

Everyone's going to get along

Just try not to talk to them

They don't talk that much

We'll tell them when they connect

Guys don't talk over Milkman

Ken don't talk over Milkman

Ken alright

What number you got Ken

It's for this asshole named Ballard

We called him last night

and uh he's being an asshole so i changed his voicemail okay you cracked the voicemail dude

that's awesome man i love it dude somebody take care of the tradition i gotta read this uh this

was aftermath on his facebook after we did it uh-huh um he writes uh he put as soon as i put

my number up i get two fuck boys from new jersey trying to start shit he goes damn i knew i had

had haters but i didn't realize i had haters across the country must be doing something right

and he put hashtag motivation hashtag motivation and then after that he says actually i just found

out i got hacked by someone working with the government and and they were even able to change

my voicemail and lock my password it's the government on my voicemail not me what the

fuck did you guys say we didn't say shit he he made this up totally on his own okay and uh so

So playing off of that fear, we called him back and he's like – I was like, why are you writing shit about me on Facebook?

I'm not with the government.

He's like, I'm going to call the police.

I go, why?

I'm with the government.

I mean I'm not with the government.

He's like – he goes, see, I told you.

You're with the government.

He said you're with the shadow government or some shit.

I don't know.

That's crazy.

Yeah, I can't listen to Turbo Show because I have to sleep.

I work – I go to work at 7.30 in the morning.

So Wednesday nights I have to catch up on sleep

So I can stay up tonight

You know what I mean

Because then I won't be able to do a show tonight

You know that asshole that's been texting you

Yeah did you get my forward messages

Yeah but you notice he said

Ballard well I told him Ballard is the one

Telling us to do it

Oh that's where that came from

I was like where did he get Ballard from

And we were trying to connect them both to each other

Because they're such assholes

That's who you're going to blame now

That's hilarious

Hilarious.

Now I understand.

I got to hear this call later, dude.

You don't have to, like, post it for me or whoever's got it.

All right, let's see.

Later then.

Let's see.

Does he pick up a lot or does it go to his voice?

Oh, yeah, he picks up.

Nice.

If he doesn't pick up, we'll listen to the hilarious voicemail.

Hey, Baz is here, too.

Yay, Baz.

Hey.

Hey, Milkman.

Damn it.

Baz, Baz.

Baz has a show now, Milkman, and Ken doesn't because he's too poor.

But he would.

All right.

Hey, how are you?

Yes.

Hello.

Hi, I'm following up regarding some harassing phone calls.

Thank you.

I'm following up regarding some harassing phone calls you reported.

Yeah, this is the same motherfucker, so you can suck my cock,

because you don't know my password, bitch.

I don't know what the motherfucker is.

I already changed it back, so you can suck on my dick and lick my bald head.

Sir.

Fuck you.

Sir.

I don't fucking play with you.

Sir.

Don't call my goddamn phone again, or I'll call the cops on your ass.

Sir, I'm not the gentleman.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, my God.

he actually threatened to kill us about a dozen times last night what the hell did you put on

there yeah what did it say i kept telling him i was gonna come over and uh fuck his sister right

in front of him and uh that on an outgoing message oh no he sat there and he kept telling

me his fucking address so on his voicemail i put uh yeah this isn't ballard i took his phone and

the i'm fucking his sister right now some shit like i go uh you know she's so loose i think

the whole fucking east coast has been tearing this shit up and it's in something to the effect

of uh i was sniffing down by her crotch it kind of smells like ballard was in here through it

i don't think he liked it too too much so ballard's been fucking his sister apparently all

right cool that's awesome dude yeah yeah um damn i wish i could have heard that oh well i can listen

to it on i'll replay it later on oh that reminds me i gotta talk about the madhouse the prank

Prank call nation, rotation.

Ooh, that rhymes.

Prank call nation, rotation.

Let's not be like that, okay?

I'm trying to help you out.

I have information.

You're a motherfucker.

Listen.

You're all acting like you're going to believe my face,

but, bitch, you can't do shit.

You're a regular-ass civilian.

Look, I know who it is.

I've got information, and they fucked up with me,

and I want to rat them out.

Oh, well, guess what, buddy?

I know your fucking voice because I remember it,

so it's you.

So stop fucking lying.

and go get some

else better, dude, man.

Go get you some

fucking pussy.

I don't know.

Go drink your

fucking beer.

Stop fucking around

with me because

you're a fucking

queer.

You're fucking dumb.

This is David Snodwell.

I'm this man's

attorney.

You can step in

my car.

Hey.

All you want.

These allegations.

Because you're a

fucking pussy.

You're a fucking

pussy.

And you love it.

Listen, I'm going

to prove it to you.

I got the guy on

the line now that

it wasn't me.

Go ahead, Mr.

whatever your name

was.

Hey, how you doing, you son of a bitch?

See, that's him, not me.

Yeah, I feel you're the same faggot that acts like he's from New Jersey.

Motherfucker.

Yeah, you're a big faggot, man.

You're a big faggot that got nothing to do.

Listen, this man is in our custody right now.

You are a faggot, man.

You want a cop in your mouth is what you must want

because why else would you keep fucking with me?

I'm not a girl, buddy, so stop fucking with me, bitch.

I'll fucking put it back here like I told you I would

And go get you some fucking pussy

And stop acting like a little fucking lame fuck

That's got nothing else better to do

Get the fuck on, brother

Get the fuck on, that's all I got to say

Well, let's not be like that, let's not be like that

Hey, I'm reporting your motherfucking number right the fuck now

It's not me, not mine, no

No, Dwight, it's not me

Yeah, you do it, motherfucker

You're so stupid

He's trying to tell him that we had Dwight in custody

We made a citizen of the rest

He called him last night and he apparently Googled it.

And he's like, you're a fucking scam, motherfuckers.

You're trying to scam him.

Oh, shit.

Hey, listen, I'm telling you, I've been investigating what happened.

I know who it is.

I've got beef with them.

I'm trying to give you all their information so you can sue them or get them arrested or whatever.

Okay, that sounds great.

So what's the information?

It's KDK.

KDK is his name.

KDK is his name?

Uh-huh.

and he he's got a web he's got a website and he broadcasts it on the website and he says look at

these motherfuckers i'm going to steal their information he said and he said he just puts

people's numbers on there yeah he goes on there he's like i'm a hacker i'm a phone hacker he says

he's bisexual i'm not kidding you it's yeah i you want i can give you his website he has two

websites i can get yeah that would be awesome because um i'm actually actually work for a

law firm and i'm his girlfriend and um we had i researched the number that y'all called from

last night and it came up that a lot of people have been filing claims on this number because

it actually is serious harassment yeah so yeah there's like a lot of laws uh when it comes to

this and um you know i just don't want to end up paying thousands of dollars to take someone to

court over something like this but yeah i would like to know who he is and make my job much easier

yeah i've got his name his real name is dave i know that dave yeah and he's got a website it's

kdkprankcalls.com that's what he calls kdkprankcalls.com yeah and he's yeah he's he was

on the howard stern show once and he had he like did sex with a like a transvestite and everything

it's disgusting really he has video of it and radio of it oh god it's grossing and then he has

has another website it's meat spin.com meat spin.com yeah like meat like you eat meat spin.com

meat spinner yeah and oh he does the most disgusting stuff on there he's like motherfucker

like that and he yeah he hacks all the voicemails so you definitely should totally like yeah he's

okay well that's awesome well i appreciate all your help okay all right all right thank you

i had to put my attorney on the line though he needs to clear this with you because i'm making

Making a paid bargain.

All right.

Go ahead.

Okay, that's awesome.

Mr. Snozzwell.

Yes, this is David Snozzwell.

I'm an attorney at law.

So we just want your verbal, yes, your verbal agreement that it's okay to pass this information on to you.

Yes, it's perfectly okay.

Yes.

So we will lessen the charges that we were going to press on your boyfriend.

Thank God.

For all the cussing and swearing.

Boyfriend?

Yeah, whoever the hell that hillbilly was.

Okay, well, I'm a family member, and from what I understand, y'all have been contacting his phone and hacking his personal voicemail, and I just find it very interesting that you know nothing about that.

That's correct.

But I'm doing something about it, you dirty bitch.

How you doing?

I left the voicemail.

Yes, I can.

I've been trying to tell you, man, that we've apprehended this man who made a citizen's arrest.

You have apprehended and have a citizen's arrest on a prepaid phone?

He's handcuffed to a chair right now.

Yeah, they put my nuts in a penile cuff.

This is bullshit.

Oh, okay.

Well, just so you know, it's a prepaid phone number, so you can't apprehend anyone just

for your information, FYI, because you sound like a 12-year-old, and you sound bored, and

I understand all of that, but this is not a joke, and I'll just fight for you.

Are you the sister he said I could come over and have fucking relations with, or what?

Yeah, do you know what it is, talking about a sister and talking about making allegations

like that?

Do you know that that is a serious crime?

uh what having uh having a conversation about me possibly defamation of character thank you very

much and it's actually a real thing really yeah he sounds like a dumb motherfucker i don't think

i could defame him anymore okay well you have a great night i'm from new jersey you want some

of this fucking dwight meat or what listen don't worry we got him on the call he's got she's got

he's gonna go after katie kate oh shit they got the hit out for you bro uh mr ken you're you're

welcome oh thank you katie kate takes the heat again hey you guys should look into um changing

that phone number is it turbo's number he should probably look into changing that number because

it's starting to get around just saying and what were you saying ken go ahead uh last night we

called some place uh they apparently did like safaris aquatic safaris and uh somehow we got

around to the subject where we started telling this lady that uh that the dolphins raped and

murdered our family dolphins will rape a motherfucker if you let them and the lady's all apologetic

and then she starts trying to be a smart ass i'm sitting there crying i'm like you fucking raped my

mother and sister right in front of me then we told her the reason that it happened i was trying

to go balls deep in the blowhole of the dolphin and i set him off you can't do that to a dolphin

oh my god hey i know i know we're just caught talking milkman are you the guy that told me

that you saw a dolphin get a massive boner once in an aquarium or was that someone else that must

have been somebody else i never heard of that yeah i don't know someone told me that they were at

sea world or something the dolphin had a massive boner and was chasing a girl's i guess i was

chasing another dolphin female it's like okay yeah but there were kids around they're like oh my god

wow katie k's in the chat man yeah katie k i just told him dude i'm gonna take the heat i'm gonna

he's gonna take a no on that he's taking the fall the fall guy thanks katie k you got our back man

because we invented prank call shows you know you see you had some asshole with a boat uh you

need his voicemail changed oh yeah that's right thank you for reminding me thank you let me get

back up to that oh yeah that's right you got the number now you got the man yeah um only british

chick let me find it send him my pontoon boat or here we go all right hopefully he does not pick

if he does we'll fuck with him call hang up call back uh big what's up to everyone on youtube

watching youtubers you do not get music if you're on youtube if you're wondering why there's a lot

of silence sometimes that's why but you can join the chat room if you'd like prank call dot

prank call nation.com slash chat man i can't i'm stumbling over a lot of shit today i feel giddy

i'm giddy i'm in a good mood this week back to work i i got told today by my doctor i can ditch

Bitch, the walker, I'm happy.

It's so embarrassing to use a fucking walker, man.

Sorry.

First, you'll hear your mailbox prompts in English.

Press 1.

But I...

Here's how your personal greeting will sound.

Hey, how you doing?

I know you sons of bitches are calling about this fucking pontoon boat,

but I'm dealing with a bigger issue out here.

I got these fucking gang of chickens out here trying to pick my nuts,

and I can't answer this goddamn phone.

Can you hear those little bastards?

I got this fucking seagull in the back.

Oh, motherfuckers.

I think the Jews found them.

Seagull chickens.

If you are satisfied with your greeting, press pound.

If you would like to re-record your greeting, press star.

To replay your greeting, press one.

Come on.

I'll do pound.

Are you still there?

If you are satisfied with your greeting, you're having trouble.

Please try again later.

Goodbye.

Suck.

How was that?

The fucking thing didn't want to recognize anything?

Suck.

Let's check it.

Maybe it didn't.

It might have kept it, though.

It might have kept it.

You got the password, but I think if they timed out the connection,

it probably got weak on the other end, so you're going to have to call it back.

Yeah, we'll try.

Kill the chicken if we get through, Baz, just in case.

That chicken is hilarious, Baz.

Oh, yeah.

You want to kill it, or you want it?

I like it.

I want to fuck it.

I love calling these people when they pick up,

and I'm trying to get the voicemail and tell them,

hey, send me the voicemail.

I'm trying to check my voicemail.

Yeah, Baz started this whole background sound movement.

Hey, man, can I have you or something?

Yeah, we went on a boat, motherfucker.

I'm going to put Baz on the line.

Dwight Dwight Dwight Dwight

How you doing son of a bitch

I heard you got this fucking pontoon boat for sale

I can't even understand what the hell you're saying dude

Yeah I got these fucking chickens over here

They fucking chase me around trying to peck my nuts

That's why I need the pontoon boat

I'm trying to escape

That's fine man what can I help you with

I want the pontoon boat

So you selling the pontoon or what there faggot

No it's not for sale bitch

Why are you gonna self park it in your asshole or what

Yeah yeah it's funny

It's real funny man

I'll come on over there, I'll drive that son of a bitch up there

We'll float around inside your cold for a while

Hey, why don't you just go to sleep there, buddy

I'll just back my truck up and I'll fucking just drive it out of your yard tomorrow

Yeah, go ahead

I'll fucking take it and go float around in a fucking pool

I like to finger the chicken's asshole myself

I'm gonna have this fucking chicken

I'm gonna fucking leave this chicken in your yard

He's trained to peck people in the nuts

I use him as bait off the pontoon

but I throw the whole motherfucking chicken off the boat.

Watch, I'm going to throw this chicken right here.

What the fuck are you doing?

Chicken fucker.

Fucker.

There he goes.

Hey, listen, we're going to hang up,

and don't pick up the second time, all right?

We're going to call back.

All right, buddy?

Bye.

All right, here we go.

Fucker.

All right, kill the chicken.

Yeah, it might have been that that was interfering with the sound.

Yeah, I think it was.

I was trying to say it, but I was muted on your end.

You couldn't hear me.

Hey, asshole, send us to the voicemail, you motherfucker.

Yeah, stop picking up.

Oh, it's the codes.

It was detecting it.

It's the chicken voice's tones.

That's why.

Might have been.

Sorry.

That sheep fucker guy all the time.

He'd pick up.

Send me my voicemail.

Okay.

All right.

Yeah, yeah.

There's no voicemail.

You're right.

Yeah.

Okay, buddy.

I could spoof card him.

Hang on.

I'll spoof card him.

Or slide dial him.

Oh, yeah.

Slide dial him.

Well, if I spoof card him, it'll go right through.

It'll.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Hang on.

Let me.

Yeah.

That sheep fucker guy.

Every time he'd pick up, I'm like, I want to check my voicemail.

Send me to my voicemail.

and he'd get all pissed off and yell at me.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, you remember the Indian guy

that we kept trying to call and he wouldn't let us go to the voicemail?

Yeah.

He'd just keep picking up and hanging up.

Dumb motherfucker, him.

Alright, Pontoon Boat Guy, let me get over here to

Spoofy Spoof, make a new call.

Oh, doop-de-doo-doo.

Dwight wants to make love to Milkman.

Ooh, hey, baby.

I fucking graduated from DeVry University.

How you doing?

Alright, man.

Janitorial Arts 101.

All right.

Tell me how it's done, man.

Hey, I can use a voice changer.

I can make it a male or a female, like a deeper or a higher voice.

You don't want that, do you?

You don't want to fuck with your voice?

I don't care.

You can do it deeper.

It'll sound weird.

It'll sound satanic, and I'll have a satanic chicken, probably.

You want to try it?

That'd be kind of funny.

All right, nice.

Here we go.

Let's see how it sounds.

All right.

Yeah, I like that.

I mean, you guys remember, older listeners might remember,

Remember, I used spoof card for, like, two years straight.

Maybe that's an exaggeration.

Yeah, I'm using it again now for the first time, and it's a lot different now.

Please enter your temporary access code.

All you've got to do is punch in a code.

If you do not have an access code, press star next.

It just takes a while to go through.

To hear your mailbox prompt in English, press one.

Remember to tell the caller at the tone.

Please say only your first and last name.

Then press pound.

Dwight motherfucking McClanahan.

Your name has been recorded as Dwight motherfucking McClanahan.

If you would like to re-record your name, press star.

If you like it the way it is, press pound.

Thank you.

Personal greeting.

This brief message will play to callers before they leave you a message.

At the tone, record your greeting.

At the end of your greeting, press pound.

How you doing there?

I know you sons of bitches are calling about this motherfucking pontoon boat,

but I got bigger fish to fry.

Got these goddamn evil devil bird chickens out here trying to peck my asshole

and my fucking beanbag and shit.

I got to try to get out of here.

Look at these splits.

So leave a goddamn message,

and once I get done with the poppers and the chickens,

I'll get back to you, all right?

Here's how your personal greeting will sound.

Hey, boom, man.

I know you sons of bitches are talking about this motherfucking pontoon boat,

but I got bigger fish to cry.

If you've got them evil brother-in-law chickens out there

trying to pick my asshole and my fucking beanbag and shit,

I'm going to try to get out of here

So leave a goddamn message

And once I get done with the poppers and the chicken

I'll get back to you

If you are satisfied with your greeting

Press pound

Thank you

Let me give you a few final reminders

Alright so I will

Hopefully he doesn't pick up

He's used to just picking it up I guess

What you can do

Is have like somebody call

And then while he's on the airline

You'll be able to go to his voicemail

You could do it that way

Oh we can slide dial though right

Do you guys know the slide dial number off the top of your head

Do you know slide dial milkman

You ever heard of that

What's that

I'll look it up real quick

Just use the one to bait him to go to answer the call

And then the other guy calls him and goes straight to voicemail

Slide dial sends you right to voicemail

It's 267 slide dial

267

759

3425

3-4-2-5

Yeah, I remember it now

I used to use it a lot

I used to

Oh, I already said the story

I used to call on

SlyDial

A free service which connects you directly to someone's voicemail

Pretty sly, huh?

SlyDial is now connecting you to this person's voicemail

Thanks, bitch

Yeah

How you doing, man?

I know you, uh, some of the bitches are talking about this motherfucking cartoon

But, uh, I got a bigger fist to fly

After you got them, uh, evil brother-bird chickens out there

You're trying to pick my asshole and my fucking beanbag and shit.

I'm going to try to get out of here and look at your split.

So leave a goddamn message and once I get done with the poppers and the chicken,

I'll get back to you, all right?

At the tone, please record your message.

When you have finished recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options.

To leave a callback number, press 5.

Jews, Jew-Jews, more Jews.

All right, masturbation contest.

Everybody ready?

3, 2, 1.

If you are satisfied with your message

Press 1 to listen to your message

Press 2 to erase and re-rec...

Message review

Alright, next donation contest

Everybody ready? 3, 2, 1

If you're satisfied with your message, press 1 to listen to your message.

Press 2 to send your message with normal delivery.

Thank you.

Your message has been sent.

Goodbye.

All right.

That sounded like an urgent delivery of it, too.

I would say.

Ejaculation is complete.

Fuck.

Yeah.

What's up to Catastrophe with a 3 at the end

In the chat room joining for the first time

Motherfucker

Every week we get at least one guy who says that

That says I finally got a chance to

I'm alive

Yeah every week at least

I'm pretty sure at least one person is like

I'm here for the first time

Unless it's just the same guy trolling us

He's got like one of those diseases

Attention

Who the hell is that

It's probably Joe

Okay, we're moving right along.

Moving on strong.

11.51 p.m.

I should take a break.

Let me take a break.

Well, let's do another prank.

Let's do some pranks.

All right.

Anyone want to talk to McDonald's in Australia?

I have that available.

This comes from Lonesome Loser.

Here it is.

Yeah, I'll talk to them.

All right.

McDonald's machine.

What is it they call?

Burger King in Australia?

Surely it has a different name, right?

It's like a dude's name.

Andy, this is Nathan.

Yeah, manager, please, immediately.

I've got a problem.

Yeah, what's the problem?

Yeah, you know, I was eating at your establishment,

and I'd ordered the 10-piece chicken McNugget meal,

and I was sitting up in the lobby, you know, enjoying my meal,

and I was reading the latest issue of Newsweek.

You know Newsweek magazine?

Newsweek?

Yeah, you know, it's the news magazine.

Anyway, it's neither here nor there.

It's an American news magazine, and they had an article about the content of Chicken McNuggets.

And I'll tell you, buddy.

Okay, sorry.

Hey, hey, hey.

Sorry.

I think you got the wrong number.

No, this is McDonald's, correct?

We don't have American newspapers here.

I'm sorry.

You dumb shit.

I brought it with me from America.

I'm on vacation.

Do you have a receipt number?

Yeah, but anyway.

Do you have a receipt number?

Of course I do.

Can I have the receipt number, please?

Yeah, no.

that's private information their state number no this is this is outrageous i've got a complaint

and you don't treat me like this the heat click we'll try them again man i heard kangaroo tastes

good like a motherfucker no it's gonna get it i heard it's very lean not very much fat

eat some fucking koala too hey why'd you hang up as you assigned yes i found out

do you know exactly what's in your chicken mcnuggets do you know do you know that the

The point is that the chicken McNuggets are a mixture of blood vessels, nerve tissue, and fat.

They only have 25% actual meat in them.

I was nauseated when I read that.

I want a refund.

I regurgitated my whole meal, and I want to come in, and I want you to make me some 100% chicken muscle meat McNuggets.

I'm sorry, I can't do that.

Well, I've got the chicken here, and I'm going to bring it in, and I want you to slaughter it.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Your little joke's not working here.

I'm sorry.

Sir, this is not a joke.

I'm having another trach right now.

I'm going to put you on the line with my attorney, Mr. Dwight McClanahan from DeVry University.

He's gone.

When you hear that echo, you always know that they're gone in Australia.

But we're getting him back.

Don't worry, buddy guys.

Here, Dwight, you talk to my attorney.

Oh, whoa.

Jesus being an asshole

Yeah that's it

He's tracing the number

We had a fake cop

Call us back for calling

An Asian joint and making orders

And fucking cancelling them

I think I might have heard that

I did that premise

To the Guam McDonald's

And I was much more successful

Yeah good

No I did that

Premise to the Guam McDonald's

with much more success.

Okay, what's that?

Did they have a peck-peck?

Peck-peck.

They did.

Oh, hey, Milkman.

By the way, Milkman,

that's the name of the chicken.

We named the chicken Peck-peck.

Oh, that's who Peck-peck is.

That's why the chicken.

Now I get it.

Cool.

Milkman, I almost forgot.

You remember Big Andy?

Your friend Andy?

You remember him?

Oh, yeah, yeah, man.

How's he doing?

He traveled to the Philippines

like Baz did,

and he got a wife now.

He's got a wife.

Are you kidding?

No, Baz didn't go to the Philippines.

Vas lives up there

so he's up there from what I understood

but anyway really he went to the Philippines

yeah he fucked her with no condom

and everything man isn't that crazy

so like he's gonna marry her

uh that's the plan

as far as I understand

he's got like 30 days shit you know to marry her

he's gotta do the whole the dead thing

but the dead did it stupid

he did it in reverse

the dead went

went out of country to marry

marry a foreigner but what you're supposed to do is do it the other way around so now dude it's

like i don't know why i can't bring my wife home his wife's still stuck in dominican republic and

he's mired in paperwork because it looks like a fucking scam to dead that's why because it

probably fucking is and you don't know about it yet i'm just saying like i mean you know dude it

was like it's not the very best relationship you're gonna like hey guys guess what man you

I'm married to a professional here.

Let's get up in the country.

Well, look, it's what he wanted.

Look, you know what?

None of our business.

Love the guy.

I wish the best for the DD.

I love him like a brother.

Try to have some by night.

I wish the best for you, bro.

I love the guy like a brother, but I'm worried about him.

But look, whatever.

What can we do, bro?

We can't even talk about it.

We've got to respect the day.

Back, back.

Yeah, anyway, so Andy, though.

Watch out, man.

Andy, they will.

We'll see about that, dude.

No doubt.

Okay.

All right.

So let's see what happens.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Baz might be offended.

Baz, I'm not saying because she's Filipina.

She's just like a person and, you know, it doesn't matter.

And that's just, you know, that's the way it works.

The only problem is that her skin is a different.

I'm kidding.

I'm sorry.

I'm just kidding.

I'm kidding.

Maybe Asian.

Okay.

Now you're crossing the line here.

No, I don't know about it.

Right, right, right.

It's like the back of the Asian equation.

The Asian persuasion.

All right, now I've got a yellow fever, you know?

Hey, man, catch it.

Catch it.

Listen, I almost forgot about the McDonald's.

I've got a whole bunch of ones here, but I wanted to take a break.

We'll do another one.

Well, Cactus wants us to do his request a prank.

All right, let me see if I can find it.

Once we come back from break, we need to call Milkman's old friend, Faizan.

Oh, come on.

All right.

Turkish Kitchen's back.

Yeah.

How cool.

I know we, like, retired her once, so I guess that was, like, before the original display

this retirement.

Oh, she never goes away.

I got a new caller ID, and I called her on it, and she did the whole.

No, he did.

He took the order.

Onassis took the order.

The horse.

And then I called to cancel it.

I think this was last week or the week before.

I don't know.

Dude, we have to set this up, dude.

I am going to have to, like I said, once my schedule changes, dude, I'm going to go

make it a point to have a dinner there and do a recon maybe like have you guys call or something

you know get something you know basic so i can just kind of sit there and just kind of like

scout it out because i want you to look like he's about like five one and a half what i'd like i

would like you to just go there and eat and film him somehow okay or yeah whatever and then uh we'll

yeah then we'll call him while you're there you know and yeah you know i mean because i did i

Yeah, I did get a picture of him at one time, but I guess the picture wasn't very clear, but I did actually see the guy.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you, Milkman, you missed.

When I was in that rehab facility, my last day there, they brought in this new fucking old guy.

He was 80-something years old, and he was shitting the bed and blasting the TV.

And I told Brad, Brad, I'm leaving.

This is his phone number.

Call him while I'm here, and I'll record the audio with my phone.

And I did.

And it's really, I got to dig that up.

I think it's called Carlito's Roommate.

You should play that for the break.

Yeah, I'll play that for you to hear, Milkman.

It's really fun.

Yeah, and then if you can, play that phone cracking one too later too.

I'd like to hear that that Ken did, man.

He changed his message.

Oh, I don't think that's isolated.

You'd have to listen to the show.

That shit fucker guy.

It was just last night, right?

Or no, or from last week.

Oh, shit fuckers last week.

Last week, but we just talked to him earlier.

We can call him again too.

Fuck it.

when we called him there was a bunch of sheep

sounds in the background

and I was like hey I came into this phone

I'm too busy fucking these sheeps

it was just a whole bunch of that

and he listened to it and he's like

that is slander

and all this shit

I'm talking to my lawyer right now

I still want all your free shit

you're giving away

yeah but I was wondering where the fuck he got Ballard from

now I know I was showing that to my co-worker

this morning I was like wait look at this

I don't even know where he got

He thinks I'm some guy called Ballard

He's like why don't you quit fucking calling me

I'm like hey Ballard is the one telling us to do it

Let me try to get him on the phone and see if he wants me to stop

He's like that motherfucker

And no wonder they came in last night

Now I know why

Yeah so he went off on you guys in text

Let me see

Let me refresh that real quick

I'm about to do some of Cactus' calls

I want Milkman to go in a Turkish kitchen

Hand Faison's husband

and the phone and say this calls for you

oh shit

you want me to get

my fingers chopped off

you're going to cut his hand off

he's going to get tied up in the back room

he's going to get fucked

I don't want to

just get a cheap burner phone

somebody wants to talk to you

and then fucking leave the restaurant

they're going to make a milkman sandwich

Faison's going to get on top

and the horse is going to get behind

like he says

and they're just going to

fuck the brains out of Milkman.

Somebody still got her picture.

I guess Jim or somebody

had got the picture. I never did see it.

I've been asked for that since it got posted

in the chat.

She's not bad.

What the hell was that?

I'd never seen her.

I just wondered if anybody

had it. If Nunu was here, he might know.

I don't know if anybody else would know.

I don't know. Anyway, moving right along.

Where was I?

Charlie tonight too

yeah oh yeah we always do

he's just so passive with me

I don't fucking get it

he never fights with me

everyone else calls him

I hear Dialogue calls him

we called the other day and he was

we were fucking with him and he started getting all pissed off

I'm like fuck you

he never gives me that I think he knows who I am now

he knows your voice dude

he's not going to give you the satisfaction

trust me after your voice came

an onslaught of voices that came

he'll never forget you

he'll fucking kill me

if I show up in his place

I started calling the restaurant

and telling them

this is Dwight from Pepsi

I need to do the fucking Pepsi order

so he started sending his

fucking son and daughter

onto the phone to yell at me

remember you guys was ordering

cases of Pepsi and the dude would flip out

yeah

I did that but

Ken's done it a few times

it's pretty funny

so the daughter

if you remember that I told him once

that she was in jail in Russia

and he freaked out

the daughter is now I guess back from Russia

and she works there

anyway they're always cock blocking us

we'll call him

but listen guys I gotta do a prank call

and I gotta call Cactus

he sent in some requests to pranks

this is an animal hospital

I'm hoping I'm guessing they're open 24-7

I don't know.

Let me connect Enigma real quick.

Enigma, hey, buddy, how are you, man?

Hey, how's it going?

Hey, man, you're the quietest guy when you join shows, man.

You're just chilling in the cut.

Hey, how's it going?

All right, bro, man.

Good to hear you again, man.

The show is now closed.

Yeah, you too.

Our Monday through Friday from 7.30 a.m. to p.m.

I just wanted to see what time they close.

They close at 6.00.

Cactus, where'd you send that in?

Dumb, dumb.

Come on, man.

Let me see what else you sent.

maybe there was another one no this is from t pickle t pickle sends in a number uh for

no name no greg greg tell him his dog brady is loose in his yard god damn it and all caps god

damn it i think that's the job for big baby baz oh you know what i can't yell like a candor in

the daytime that's right i'll put dwight on that yeah dwight's got your back on that one

yeah i forgot about that tomorrow i'm doing a show tomorrow i will yell oh cool i'll try i'm

Listen from work.

We'll see how that goes.

I think GI is going to make a return Friday after his hiatus.

He had a baby.

Yeah.

That means there's going to be two babies making noise during the show now.

There you go, Roman Soldier's helmet.

Oh, my God, AMD.

Hey, brother.

Hi.

Hello.

How you doing there, buddy?

Your fucking dog's out in the yard again.

What the fuck are you calling about?

Fucking 12 o'clock midnight.

Yeah, with your fucking dog as being a fucking little retard barking out in the front yard.

Go get your dog, goddammit.

you fucking hurry up what the fuck i think there's yeah we'll call him back because i

guess there's some kind of he said i'll be right yeah i know i know i think he's checking for the

dog yeah he's going outside now so we'll call him when he gets back in and we woke him up to

go outside for nothing oh that's tiny chat yeah i'm in tiny chat uh if you guys want to see me

if you're not looking on youtube i'm in tiny chat we're using the cactus this

tiny what are we calling back i'm gonna tell him i got the dog in my house

He's gonna pay an asshole fee to get his dog back

Now we got cats also

Alright listen I'm calling back

I think this is the number

I think I still copied it

I think this is a different number

I don't even know who we're calling now

I think the 727

Hey motherfucker

Get your dog under control

I got him in my house now

You're gonna have to pay an asshole fee to get him back

My dog is right here you fucking idiot

You need to cut the shit

You want a fist fight at the Walmart there pal

out or what your dog was air humping uh in the back yeah which one motherfucker i'll come come

with you where the fuck are you hey you bring the fucking dog with you bring the dog with you

motherfucker we'll have a party which one's good for you buddy i'll meet you wherever

i'll meet you whatever you want i'll fight you and your dog in the men's restroom at the walmart

call me fuck is your problem i just i just wanted to call and profess my love to you

But I love you

I want a gangbang with you

Stop fucking whining man

Be a man

Why are you talking like that

What's your fucking problem

Oh my god

Come on man

You gonna have a good fucking cry or something there pal

God damn

He did say call him back

He said call me one more time

He said please call me one more time

God he's so fucking whiny

your call has been forwarded to an automated voicemail turn one more time man up dude

are you ready to man the fuck up or what there pal hey fuck you stop calling the fucking number

piece of fucking shit call the cops do you want my name i'll give you my name you can

fucking come track me down are you ready for it yeah i'm ready yeah right my name is jason

My middle name is fucking David

Last name is Frank

And I was a Power Ranger, motherfucker

Three first names, motherfucker

What the fuck are you talking about?

I fucked your dog

It's morphin' time

Yeah, okay

My dog's right here, you fucking idiot

Next time your dog goes out of your yard

I'm gonna spin kick the dog

And I'll be justified in doing it

Because it's a piece of shit

Dude, whoop your fucking dick off, faggot

I dare you to fucking drive

I'm gonna spin kick your dog

I'm gonna take him in my basement

And I'm gonna fuck him

Your dog's a faggot

He'll love it

Your dog is a bigger faggot

I don't have a dog

I go around and turn other people's dogs out

Like little faggot dogs

That doesn't count

He's a great dame

It doesn't count he's bigger than any other faggot dog

Obviously

Nice try

That's a technicality

I let my cats claw at your dog's nuts

And emasculate that fucking dog

You're a pussy just like your dog

What the fuck is that in the background

My cats

I got chickens and shit over here too

Motherfucker

What the fuck is wrong with you

I don't want to fuck this fucking faggot ass

Call me one more time

He's starting to escalate every time we call him

Oh man

Call one more fucking time

Alright I am

I doubt he'll answer

Well, the thing is, he keeps asking us to.

Otherwise, we would stop.

Yeah, it's his fault.

Damn it.

What the fuck are you calling for?

You keep telling me to call.

You said call one more time, so I'm fucking calling you.

It's a fucking party over here.

It's your fault, man.

Yeah, just doing what you ask us to.

I got a fucking nice piece of chocolate nougat I'd love to put up your ass.

Oh, yeah.

What the fuck are you calling me for?

Why are you calling me?

You ever had your shit pushed in?

Fuck, Az, because your dog's a faggot.

His feces, yeah.

yeah hello yeah what's going on why are you being quiet you don't sound as you don't sound as whiny

what the fuck are you waking me up for because your dog was in the backyard air humping he was

like after like my dog's in my fucking house what are you talking about he was out there like

like that air humping humping the air he's a little faggot dog he's gay yeah my dog is a

faggot just like you you could clearly see that while he was air humping he was fucking another

Another male dog.

You can clearly see it.

It's okay to be gay.

Yeah, he's a faggot.

I might have to put him down.

Do it now.

All right.

I'll get the shotgun.

I'll be right back.

All right, we'll be here.

That's a fucking hate crime there, pal.

Shooting a faggot dog.

It's not a hate crime.

Oh, yeah, he's black, too.

Shit, he's just fucking doubling it up now.

Oh, fuck it.

Kill him, man.

Put it right up his ass.

I'm going to lynch him in the backyard.

Oh, you're a fucking racist.

You're a fucking racist.

Who is this?

Who is this, really?

Who are you?

Hey.

Are you a listener?

Do you know what I'm talking about?

What?

Are you a listener?

No.

Be honest.

It's okay.

I won't be mad.

You're not a listener?

You're just a real fuck-up?

You're a real fuck-nut.

For real.

Okay.

All right.

God, I thought he was...

For real, I thought he might have been a listener.

Hey, look, I'm going to take a break, guys, because...

Oh, fuck.

Fuck, yeah.

All right.

Oh, but I got to find that Carly for Milkman to hear.

Milkman, I'm going to play that for you.

the uh what did we say it was called uh carlito's roommate carlito carlito room is there two m's in

roommate m-a-d-e yes here it is all right from the album desktop by rbcp it is carlito's roommate

all right we get to play that for milkman yeah all right ha okay let me hang on i gotta load it

hang on hang on hang on hang on hang on all right we're going to take out the prank called uh how

long until i use the bathroom no i was going to play a crazy fucker in his crazy accordion so

instead of that we will play carlito's roommate for milkman all right great so guys look i will

be back shortly when i come back we need to get to more lonesome loser numbers i see that he sent

a lot of numbers in australia so we gotta get to those yeah um we also have a lot of request

of pranks to get to we can call back some people we've called tonight too i think that'd be

interesting um keep sending in request of pranks but i might not be able to get to them all

because there's like fucking a lot of them all right uh if you give me like five minutes listen

to this prank i'm not going to play the whole thing no plan uh i'll play most of it because

because it's really long okay yeah let's get to the meat of it yeah and then i'll and then i'll

send it for you to you later okay all right thank you all right well i'll be right back in a few

minutes thank you don't go anywhere this is mark down i'm in the janitor's office yes hey um we

need you to mop the hallways to help you know pay for your keep there just just to kind of help out

a little help out you know okay pull your own weight we need you to mop the hallway there

outside your door okay um is there a mop in your room i don't know oh can you get up and like look

around and check and see if there's a mop i don't think uh i don't think i can help mark i just got

your answer here this afternoon i don't uh know much of what's going on but there's there's no

one else to mop we need someone to mop the hallway if the floor is filthy i was up there

Hold on just a second.

All right.

Can I get a mop from the nurse?

I can't help you.

Does the nurse have a mop?

What did you ask her for?

I asked her for a bedpan.

Oh, no, that's not going to help with the floors.

No, I'm sorry.

I can't help you, Mark.

Someone's got to clean these floors.

You've got to pull your own weight.

You've got to pull your own weight if you're going to stay here.

Okay, well, if we could, let's talk about it tomorrow.

tomorrow well no tomorrow's no good because we've got uh edward from uh it's like two doors down

from you he's doing the mop the mopping tomorrow today it's your turn it's like your turn you got

to take your turn and do your part would you call my daughter okay let me see yeah and tell her what

you're talking about well i know but like she's not going to come down and and do the mopping

that's crazy no it's got to be the resident we can't just have outside people coming in and

mopping things okay well she can help me get it organized but like is she going to be able to do

it today because we need you to mop the hallway today i can't do it today why not because i don't

understand the process you don't understand how to mop a floor it's not rocket science you just

you just get the mop and you put it in the bucket and you rub the mop back and forth in the hallway

hallway it's really easy the nurse can help help you understand how to do it somebody will have to

explain it to me yeah yeah the nurse will explain it to you can you get up 90 years old and uh oh

that no no stop making excuses stop making excuses we need someone to mop in there uh we need someone

to mop in there within the next we need you to start right now because it's got to be done within

the next couple hours i'm sorry i can't do it gotta get mopping i wish i could help you but

but I can't tonight.

If you're not going to do it,

then who's going to do it?

I don't know.

Okay, we're going to need you to go

two doors down to your right

and ask him if he'll swap with you.

And you can mop for him tomorrow

and he'll mop for you today.

Can you go ask him if he'll swap duties with you?

No, I can't do it.

Why?

Someone's got to mop the floors.

They're filthy.

Do you want to be kicked out?

Well, that would be me.

You're going to get yourself kicked out of here.

I'm sorry.

I'm very sorry.

Ah, sorry doesn't cut it.

This place.

Rents out there, dirt and mud from all the snow outside.

Someone's got to mop.

I'm not going to mop.

Okay.

Don't ask me to mop.

That's not my job.

Okay.

I'm the supervisor.

I'm above mopping floors at this point.

Okay.

Get out there and mop.

I think the mop's in the bathroom.

You'll have to talk to my daughter.

I don't understand what you're talking about.

You understand.

Don't say that.

You understand me perfectly.

I'm going to call your daughter and file.

We're going to write you up with a demerit.

Okay.

You're going to get two demerits if you don't mop.

Okay.

And if you get more than three demerits, then you get written up.

Okay.

And it goes on your permanent record.

Okay.

You'd rather have that than just mop the floors like everyone else does?

Yeah.

I do my mopping when I understand I've been here about 15 minutes.

I know.

You've got to mop.

off that's how we pay the bills here why do you have to talk to my daughter so you understand

right i mean how can you not understand it's so simple you got to pull your own weight you got

to mop the floors ah i'm sorry mark to let you down that's all right well no it's not all right

actually it's but he's uh uh making the point well uh you have to do your job or you get the

merits. I think the guy's

crazy. So the only thing

I knew to do was have him call

you, honey. I couldn't make any sense

out of it. Okay, honey. Love you.

Hello. Hi, this is Roy.

I'm the janitor here at the

doctors where your

father's staying. Yeah.

We're having some problems. He's refusing

to mop the floors on his floor

because we have to have him mop all

of the floors on the entire

level of the building

to help kind of earn his keep.

So he's not like a freeloader.

And he's saying he's not going to do it.

And he's trying to tell me that you're going to do it.

And that's just crazy.

We can't.

8-8-2-7-8-5-0-9.

You know what?

I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box

and a trap door at the bottom.

So when you die, you open a tractor at the bottom

You check the GPS

And you go straight down to the hell

Madhouse Radio is back

You are bigger than a woman

You are better than a woman

We'll always be behind you

Do not let a woman ever, ever

Make you who you are

Change? Shit

I guess change is good for any of us

Whatever it takes for any of y'all niggas to get up out the hood

Shit, I'm with you

I ain't mad at you

Got nothing but love for you

Do you think, boy?

Fuck you, bitch.

Motherfucker.

Hey, everybody.

Carlito back here.

Yay.

Time for more shows.

Yay.

All right.

Well, we got a voicemail.

I saw it pop up, but I didn't get a chance to hear it.

Let's see what it says.

It's not playing.

It's not working.

Meh.

Well, moving right along, man.

Let me take a look at these numbers from Lonesome Loser.

We'll hit up some of those, and I'll hit up some request to pranks, and I got to go.

i gotta go because actually i gotta i gotta get up for work at six o'clock in the morning

damn so the most i'm gonna do is maybe another 30 minutes sorry guys you got any uk numbers

um not yet i do have denmark oh it says what's it called all right this place has bad press for

killing a young giraffe named marius because they were afraid of inbreeding they killed him

chopped them up in front of kids at the zoo then fed them to the lions and then a few weeks later

they also killed four lions this is a zoo that did all those nasty things that was said and

maybe you could uh pay them to kill some tigers or something yeah boy ken what number is this that

you're posting here uh i think it's another guy we changed his voice although he was selling a

fucking dog all right cool let's call him maybe selling a dog oh is this the old the one that's

It's been going on for like a few weeks now.

Yeah, where that one guy was like, I was calling about your free puppy.

Yeah, he hasn't changed it yet.

I don't think so.

Oh, shit, that's fine now.

I saw him at dog.

You guys got a puppy for sale?

All right, let me try real quick, get the voice from him.

What's the matter, bitch?

Now, didn't this guy talk to you at some point also?

Yeah, he starts being an asshole.

Actually, his girl's a fucking bitch, too.

She watches her kid all high and shit.

We told her we'd give her some weed if she sucked our dicks

Classy, guys, classy

Well, she's the one that said she needed some weed

She sounded like she was fucked up when we talked to her

Hello?

Hey, how you doing?

We'll give your girl some good weed if she sucks our dick

Hey, bitch

Hey, just know where I fucking know you're at

I'm gonna come in for your ass

I'm gonna fucking cut your throat, bitch

You don't know where we're at

That's not very nice

Don't hate

Don't hate, man, don't hate

He's an angry motherfucker

My voice, man

One that likes to pull the

Pick up hang up

Yeah well I can slide down him

But before that let me get rid of this number that I copied

Which is the

Zoo in Copenhagen Denmark

Baz did you want that?

Yeah sure

It's loud

Yeah hey is this the zoo?

Animal zoo

No

Who are you?

I'm myself

Yes what's your name my good sir?

I'm David

My name is Bing

Your name is Bing?

Yes. How do you say there, Flapjack?

I just arrived in Denmark, and I'm looking for some companionship.

Maybe show me around. I'll buy you some beers.

We can come back to my motel, my hotel room, and see what comes up.

How do you say there, Bottlenose?

Module one.

I'm looking for sex. What do you mean?

I'm sorry. He's the scientific director of the zoo.

Oh, okay.

I made a mistake. That's wonderful. Sorry.

His name is Bent.

nice to know no nothing hey really it's like he's connected oh david here hey man

i'm sorry man i didn't mean to put you off yeah don't be mad hey come on man nothing that's cool

there he goes no i actually hung up on him okay enigma is working on the request to prank thing

good work enigma yeah thank you actually it kind of works nicer with this uh i i kind of like it

just go into the web page and be honest with you fix it fix it but yeah yeah hey you can go to both

if you want it doesn't matter yeah yeah cool cool um i don't have uk numbers yet from lonesome he

might have stopped because they didn't call his numbers for a while i do have like a lot of

australia numbers but it's the afternoon yeah perfect you know i'll be i'll be calling a lot

of uk numbers tomorrow on my show so oh here's cool look just came in hot hot number hot hot

Hot, hot.

All right, cool.

Peter Bradley, okay?

And this is on Stoke-on-Trent.

Stoke-on-Trent.

Oh, this does get kind of fiery.

Yeah, they do.

I remember these calls that we've heard recently.

Had a really good one that struck Stoke-on-Trent.

Yes, Bradley residence.

I need to speak with Peter Bradley, post-haste.

Hello, yes.

Yes, Peter Bradley.

Put him on the phone, please, immediately.

It's urgent.

Hello?

Yes, hello, ma'am.

Yes, where are you?

Peter Bradley.

Are you, where you call, call from?

I'm calling from the Royal Service.

This is David Snowswell.

We have an urgent matter at hand.

What matter, what pardon?

Yes, we have an urgent matter.

It seems that there's been some complaints coming from your residents.

What president, pardon?

We've been hearing reports of unsavory women coming and going at all hours of the night.

It seems that some of your neighbors are suspecting that you might be running a house of irrepute.

prostitution, ma'am. I'm sorry, what was that? You know, the prostitute, a trollop. Are you a

strumpet, ma'am? Ma'am? Hello, yes. Seems that there's a lot of unsavory women and vagrants

coming and going in and out of your residence at all hours of the evening. We're hearing lots of

loud moaning and groaning noises coming from your house. Our main concern is that safe sex is being

practiced within your residence.

Is that correct, ma'am?

We can dispatch a courier with condoms and other sex toys.

Hello, ma'am.

It's nighttime in England.

Where are you conformed?

I'm contacting you from the call center in Los Angeles, California.

We're outsourced by the U.K. government.

I don't understand.

understand. Why did you get the number for our phone? Oh, we got the number from the water closet

at the local pub. It was written on the side of the toilet. I'm sorry, I can't understand. You know, people put

phone numbers on the wall of the water closet saying, for a good time, call this number. It

Basically said that you come highly recommended.

No, I'm sorry.

I can show up about 10 minutes from now, ma'am.

I'm sorry.

I'm tired and I cannot stand.

I'm sorry.

That's okay.

You don't have to do a lot.

You just have to just lie there, open your mouth.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe you said that thing.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

She's kind of boring.

She just couldn't wind it up.

I'm not going to call her back.

I thought about it, but no, fuck it.

She's boring.

Yeah, not worth it.

dry like toast peter boone yeah sounds like an american name but it's not corpus has to check

my texases oh i gotta turn my phone on i think dirty aaron's been trying to call me or text me

tonight hopefully an update about him coming back jesus christ yeah my phone's been off i forgot to

turn it back on after i shut off someone was blah blah blah on the phone look man no i'm kidding

i got chicken off a long time dude i tried calling for months i got barbecue sauce on my phone and

Okay look this isn't the ring show

This isn't RBCP's show

Why did the fucking phone not charge at all

Why did this fucking

Fucking asshole phone

Not charge the entire time

Take a look at your cord man

The jack might be a little bit loose

God damn it

God I got so pissed off at that shit

That little green light don't come on

The orange light you better look at it

Well I can't check them

Aaron let me know what it was

What was said by you or Aaron

what happened all right let's continue is i saw unc around earlier on uh he was in the tiny chat

oh yeah if you're listening and you wanted to see video if you're not watching me on youtube

over at youtube.com slash madhouse radio you can also watch me can't listen to me but you can watch

me on tinychat.com slash cactus this there jackie is in control uh for the majority part i believe

she has a controlling stake in the events occurring in the video chat room there on

the tiny chat machine nice now madhouse not madhouse fuck i keep doing that prank call

nation has a tiny chat too and uh but we're using cactus this which is i believe dark strangers

chat room and she's on vacation extended vacation visiting family please stop asking me where she

She is.

She's fine.

She's on vacation.

Leave her alone.

I don't know what Dark Stranger is.

Yeah, yeah.

But she still checks in.

She's around and shit.

She was in the Madhouse Mixler chat.

Or the Prank Climation Mixler chat.

Oh, good.

Good.

That's great.

I think she's Roy Bacon, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Good for her.

Yeah.

She posted one hour ago.

Oh, good.

Good.

I don't care.

No, I'm kidding.

That's great.

That's good.

Another animal hospital cactus.

this i'm not gonna call the animal hospital because they're closed but you sent this a while

ago so i'm not gonna hold it against you anyway i was trying to say it was dr unk around because

we could have done some jdf calls or funny i wanted milkman to hear a jdf call milkman jdf

if you want to pass that uh number onto me i can call it tomorrow

unk is in the chat room so i'm sure he's on skype yeah but we need numbers i don't have any

any jdf fan numbers uh he should have the numbers also yeah i think he gets them he curates them

But we can continue here with the number in Arizona for a lost ring.

It's octagon-shaped.

That is weird for a ring.

I'm just saying.

Anyway, it has an inscription.

There's a reward offered.

But I guess we're supposed to figure out what the inscription says.

We can make up something goofy.

That always works.

Let's try that.

Hey, oh, yeah, Enigma, get with Milkman.

So he needs to get his ops handled and all that because we're bringing him back.

I've rehired Milkman.

Man, I've re-signed him to a one-year contract.

Prank Call Nation.

Biggest contract in Madhouse history.

Yeah.

Hey, just have him message me.

I'll set him up.

It doesn't pay well, though.

Thank you.

But now you have to tear up the KDKprankcalls.com contract.

I would do it.

I want to hear you shred it.

I want you to put it in the shredder.

Leave a message.

Send me a text if you need to get a hold of me.

Walker, I got your ring.

Yeah, I did.

Here it is.

Don't eat it.

There it goes.

He ate it.

Should have put it in your butthole.

Well, I had to wipe first.

Like you were trying to hide some weed.

Why waste the paper, right?

At least you didn't use it for something pretty good, don't you?

Ring, ring, ring.

Ring my dick off is what this show's been tonight.

No, not really.

Actually, we've had some pretty good luck.

More animal hospitals from cactus.

All right, I'll try one of them.

I really don't think they're open at this time, but let's call.

Yeah, I want to say that my dog has an erection that won't go away.

He has priapism

What should I do

I understand you put

It's a serious condition

You put sugar on it

On the little dog boner

And it goes down

Or big

Depending on

Dude you gotta throw

Ice water on that

Motherfucker

That'll take care of it

No

It'll make it freeze

It freezes in it

And you can hit it

And it crumbles

It gives it all new meanings

You know

Doggy sickle

It's not

Ew

Well

Arse

Fuck jazz

Thank you for choosing

Northeast Animal Hospital

Our office is currently closed

it's close all right i knew for a reason i wasn't going to by the way sticky spray just corrected

me it's not uh bookapoo that or it's not dark stranger and chad it's bookapoo oh posing as her

that's real sick well so uh number one we need to call charlie we need to call faisan

okay and uh maybe ballard okay all right yeah ballard we gotta fuck with that guy post that

that and we can also call the motherfucker that we've been messing with since last week uh who's

that sheep fucker yeah sheep fucker that i called earlier yeah let me get him here got his number

down we don't know his name do we as far as i can tell how do we start off with him anyway how do

oh he replied to selling something no he replied to the uh oh that's right he was replying to the

dj equipment from the one fuck motherfucker yeah oh here we go he hung up bitch you got

got ballard's number can you throw that back in the chat in the skype chat please mr uh ken dwight

mcmasterson nope nope he won't let it go to voicemail anymore either though he's one of

those bitches now you guys there bad yeah nope man yeah i just said i just said well no i don't

know why i don't see it here he comes again coming right to you coming in hot no i see nothing

happening all right i'll go get another one here weird i don't know what's happening okay uh we

We got a few more minutes here, about 15, let's say, because Milkman has to do his famous

outro.

Yeah.

All right.

It's been a while.

It has been a while.

It has been like two years.

All right.

Let me, while we wait, we're going to go over to Lonesome's chat with me, and we're going

to get some more UK numbers.

It's in the Skype.

Okay.

Thank you.

Where was I off here?

Okay.

Mr. Richard Bebbington.

Let me copy and paste all these anyway, so you guys can see.

I'm talking with a lot of vocal fry tonight, aren't I?

did i i'm like a vocal fry that's a new thing ballard and here's richard here we go come on

god i hate that skype chat thing where it does that where it bounces down oh i know god damn

it drives me nuts they fucking fix that welcome to voicemail the person you have called is

unavailable please leave yeah i figured hang on i'm trying again yes uh rich yes may speak with

Richard, please, this is David Snowswell.

Who is he?

David Snowswell.

I'm just calling to confirm the invitation, make sure it's still on for this morning.

I'll be arriving in Stoke-on-Trent at about half past ten,

and I'm just calling to see that my room will be ready.

Yes, I was speaking of the bedroom, ma'am.

Excuse me, I've got a frog in my throat.

I don't know what you're...

Yes, I arrived at Heathrow Airport about two hours ago.

I'm about ready to board my train to Stoke-on-Trent.

I should be at your residence, so about 11 a.m.,

and I'm hoping that you might have my bed ready so I can retire and take a short nap.

I was speaking with your husband online yesterday on ChatterBait,

and he extended an invitation to stay at your residence for three nights.

I think you've got this wrong, mate.

No, Richard Brow

On 81 Delaney Drive

Stoke-on-Trent

I think you've got this wrong, mate

Somebody's having me on here

He said that

No, he said

Hey, mate

You know, you sound like a pleasant bloke

You can have a little candy at my wife

And take a peek inside her knickers

Oh, balls

No

Balls

That's what Brad says all the time

Oh, God, I've got to isolate that

Yeah, we've got to send that to Brad

ahead you balls ma'am please don't be that way it's all friendly the bloody line no no ma'am

no ma'am sorry we'll try again how do you say that last name anyway bro that's yeah bro

i'm guessing you're both don't tase me bro hello your call cannot fuck you all right richard green

is not formatted

to call.

I'm going to skip that because I'm lazy. Richard Hill instead.

Yay, Richard Hill.

Let me do this one.

I haven't done a wake up in a while.

Hello, Graham Hill.

Hello, Mr. Grill. Oh, Hill, right?

Yes. Oh, you confused me.

Listen, I'm calling from United Water Machines.

We have a report of brown water

coming through the water system on this street.

We were wondering if you could check,

can you flush your toilet and let us know

what color the water comes down at, please?

It's quite urgent.

The water, if it's coming down, Brian, you can't drink it.

We need to kind of let you know.

We're calling everyone on this part of the water matrix.

Okay, well, you want me to flush the loo?

Yeah, flush the loo.

I'm calling from the call center in the United States.

We handle the nighttime shift for these calls.

Yeah, flush the loo.

Let me know what color the water's coming through as

and see if it has, like, a sulfur or an egg smell.

Well, I've just been to the loo and there's no problem with it.

This just happened now.

There was a major rupture.

There's actual sewer water and feces coming through the water now.

It just happened within the last few minutes.

Are you there?

Are you taking the phone?

I don't know.

Does he have a cordless phone?

Do you have a cordless phone?

Are you there?

Can you hear me?

I don't think he has a cordless phone.

It's perfectly clear.

Okay.

And I thought Seven Trent supplied the water here.

Well, they're owned by us, a wholly owned subsidiary of United Water Machines.

United Kingdom Water Machines.

Right.

Okay, look, we need to check the temperature of the water.

Can you...

No, I'm not playing around anymore.

Put your finger in the toilet now and tell me if it's cold or hot, motherfucker.

He's doing it.

Hello?

You think he's doing it?

I don't think he's doing it.

I think he's mad.

I must be a little bit...

Maybe he is.

I don't know.

He's being non-compliant.

You either put the phone down or you went to do it

Let's see

It's perfectly normal

Oh you put your hand in the toilet

Thank you for complying

You're like an animal that sticks his hand in his feces

Dumb monkey

You disgusting fucking twat

Aren't you a crutch

A crutch

Shamed of himself he should be

Damn it

Let me try him again

Tease him one last time

You twat

He's thinking

It was pretty stupid of me to do that

Alright was that Hill

Yes it was

Alright take it away Baz

I really like your UK wake up calls

Because you're very proper

Which is what they like

Hello

Yes this is the Lovell residence

This is David Snodswell calling

I'm an American traveler man

I've been wandering about

Stoke-on-Trent

And I ran across your

Hang on a minute. It's very early.

That's okay. That's okay, ma'am. I don't mind.

What were you going to say? Were you going to put somebody else on the phone?

No, we're in bed.

Yes, I would like to come and join you and take a peek under the covers.

I'm cold and lonely. Hello?

I think she dropped. I'll try again.

Yeah.

Take a little peek.

Yeah, I'll be very quiet. I'll just curl up at the end of the bed.

Hello, ma'am.

Sir, there's no need for that

You are creating a nuisance

To a member of the public

No, I'm not, man

I am an American

And it's my constitutional right

Please hold the line

It does this thing where when they hang up

And it immediately calls them back

It was doing that right there

That's funny.

Welcome to the Skybridge, my love.

This is a police recording.

Welcome to the Skybridge.

Ah, they just left it off the hook, those fuckers.

Yeah.

Too busy tracing the number.

Yeah.

Okay.

Oh, I have strawberries.

I forgot.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

So, we are moving right along here with some more numbers.

I think that's it for UK numbers, sir, unfortunately.

Okay.

But I think...

Oh, there'll be more tomorrow?

My show at noon tomorrow?

tomorrow oh good in pacific good very good you do a good show sir when you say damn it i love it

oh thank you and uh i'll have the house to myself so there'll be plenty of damn it

before a lot loud damn it i look forward to that look here is ann richards who is in newcastle

england where you have your buddy peck peck with you oh definitely milkman you gotta pet pet the

peck peck look look i scrounged up a nice little hand oh we gotta call ballard hang on dwight you

You're right, man.

Ballard, we still got some time left here.

I'm going to be suffering tomorrow.

I'm going to have to have extra coffee tomorrow, man.

Let's call Ballard from work.

Gotta wait, yo.

Take my melatonin.

People are still calling for Faison.

Ballard, baby.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

3-3-4-3.

Please enter your password.

Hmm.

I'm sorry.

That is not the correct password.

Please re-enter your password now.

If you have entered the wrong star.

Bitch, I'm trying to put it in a password.

Password.

Enter your password.

worried. Let's give up. We tried

enough times. Sorry. Let me try them again.

Let's see if we get Ballard. Big, big,

big baby Ballard.

Hey, Ballard. Hey, boy.

Hey. Hiya.

Hey. Guess what?

You can get that phone.

Hey, boy. What you doing?

What was he saying? You can give me that phone?

Hey, boy. You can give me that phone.

I think Ballard's a bit freaky.

You should conference Ballard

with Faison sometime. I guess.

Alright, last call of the night. Baz, you get

the honor of taking the last call because you love england so much congratulations yes this is

miss ann richards yes my name is david snozzwell i'm calling to congratulate you um ma'am i'm

calling from the royal service i have the distinct pleasure of uh notifying you that you have won

the 2014 until she can try her again and this is some kind of she's a cunt

Yes ma'am

Just calling to tell you that you won the 2014

Outstanding Citizen of Stoke-on-Trent

Actually excuse me

Newcastle Award

Yes you have won the 2014

Outstanding Citizen of Newcastle Award

Congratulations ma'am

Yes you have won an award

For your acts of philanthropy

And charity

And for being a good neighbor

Yes and you're going to get a visit

From Prince Harry

And the royal baby

He's gone.

Fuck the royal baby.

All right.

Where is it?

William and I forget who the dad is.

Will.

You say Will.

No, it's Will.

Yeah.

Will's.

Whatever it is.

All right.

Well, everybody, y'all have a good night.

Thank you very much for joining.

See you, Ken.

See you, Baz.

See you, Enigma.

See you later, man.

See you.

Welcome, my asshole.

All right.

There you go.

Welcome.

See you, Milkman.

Good to have you back.

Hey, man.

Thanks, man.

It's good to hear you, man.

Yeah, you're back.

All right.

Milkman, you want to take us out of here, you little boner?

Oh, what the hell, man?

I guess here you go again, friends.

Here we go.

Another crazy wild installment of everybody's favorite, the Madhouse.

Man, I'd like to thank everybody for stopping.

I'd like to thank all my friends over there in the Madhouse chat.

All my friends out there for welcoming me back.

All my enemies that hated to see me come back, thank you also for hating me.

I'd love to see every one of you.

I'd like to thank everybody, especially our guest callers that called in tonight

night had some really funny fucking call i want to thank everybody that sent in their request to

pranks as well that's very nice of you and we took some ground with it i hope you enjoyed as much as

we did i also want to thank you our listeners everybody tune in every week because we do it

for you right here in your ear balls every week for free that's right man we drop the dime we

just ask it's the time bring a friend or better yet always bring an enemy because you know what

everybody's welcome right here in the madhouse and we couldn't do it without our fearless leader

That's right, General Isimov at all.

All hands held high.

Oh, man, do not let me forget here, Mano.

I got to give this to my brother, man.

The numbers hit, man.

Thank you.

All fists held high for our brother.

That's right.

I'll hold my fist high up here.

And what we do with that here, Mano, thank you for bringing me back

and letting me take my position back.

Okay, I guess.

Yeah, I guess that was the right thing to do.

Asshole.

I mean, sir.

oh wow now we're gonna have to have a talk hey i'll catch up with you tomorrow because i gotta

go right to sleep i'm sorry but we will uh talk some more tomorrow okay buddy yeah all right thank

you i love you all right well everyone thanks for tuning in be sure to subscribe to the madhouse

podcast over at madhouse live.com and subscribe to our youtube channel at mad madhouse madhouse

radio on youtube.com slash madhouse radio right yeah okay well i'm out of here see you guys

guys later on some other day next week wednesday congratulations to amd too i didn't get a chance

oh yeah he got married yeah congratulations and see that girl she is beauty oh god yeah

great knockers bye

Have You Ever Had Your Shit Pushed In?

Calls (30, 1 h 24 min of 2 h 36 min)

Transcript

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