The Blood Moon

It's fine.

I was like...

Is that how you were?

Yeah.

I'm not playing no fucking games, dude.

I fucked you, son of a bitch.

Stop making us get the cronies.

You're out of your crazy mind.

You ain't getting no goddamn dollars.

I'll fuck you all my life long.

You're not perfect.

Why don't you piss off?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.

That's enough.

That's enough of that shit, fucking asshole.

hole hello everybody i'm carlito and i am the host of your show thank you for joining me once

again that name is carlito drinking some water okay well i'm gonna turn the music down hang on

hang on hang on something always some shit going on uh evil already's asking me for my social

security number okay yeah i'll get right on that my boy's crazy anyway um i got i think sloth and

baz are going to be joining me here in just a few seconds just moving over to that screen i got

got something stuck to my finger man god that pisses me off in the habit fuck anyway uh if

you're listening be sure to head over to mad madhouse live.com if you want to watch the video

feed of me doing the show now if you're watching on there only and you want to hear the music

that's accompanying this broadcast which doesn't make it on the youtube feed because of youtube

YouTube reasons, head over to prank call nation.com. That's where you can hear this show

and it's a full intended format. You can also hear a whole bunch of other posts there throughout the

week. They're always around. Anyway, just do it. Do it. I got a video issue. Hang on. Let me fix

the video. I hit the wrong button on the video. Whoops. There we go. That's what I was intending

to do. Anyway, let's get Baz and Sloth over here. Send your requests if you want. That's over at

the request a prank feature at madhouse live.com there's a link over there for requests are you

with me mr baz yes sir good do you still have that uh booger stuck to your finger no it's not booger

it's um okay it's a iced tea uh drops you know like those mio drops i got an iced tea one

and some of it i guess missed the cup it's on the desk here because i just i tasted it

I wanted to see if it tasted like boogers.

It doesn't.

It tastes like tea.

Peach tea.

Hey, Sloth.

How are you, Mr. Sloth?

Hello.

Hey, Mr. Sloth.

Hang on.

Hey.

Hey, Echo.

You got an Echo again.

I'm working on it.

God.

I'm working on it.

I know.

What about now?

Try now.

Testing.

I think it's gone.

All.

Good.

And the washing machine's going on in the background, just like you do sometimes, Baz.

Mm-hmm.

You have to, though.

hey uh i don't have any numbers really i wasn't paying attention to getting numbers is any any

of you have something going on oh no all right well should pick pick a city like you traditionally do

i picked the city if in the chat room if you guys want to pick a city go ahead throw in the chat

room and what uh baz you look in the chat and see what people say i'm looking at sioux city iowa i

think i've never called no lincoln nebraska i've never called lincoln nebraska okay colin says i

Okay, here's some suggestions.

Utica, Utica, New York, Utica, Salina, Ohio is Arby's suggestion.

C-E-L-I-N-A.

I'm going to look at Utica.

Hang on.

Okay, I got Utica here.

Okay.

I'll start with Utica.

And Sax is recommending Roy to Mexico.

The real Roy.

They probably know about us there by now.

The sheriff of Roy is like of Roy County or whatever the county is.

God damn Brad Carter, motherfucker.

motherfucker i'm after that motherfucker yeah he and michelle both yeah okay utica weddings.com

is a website and they have a phone number because that makes sense here we go you guys want to try

to help me get in touch with an actual human being at tunein.com so we can get our shit fixed on

there good afternoon wedding in new york this is cassie you have contacts with tune in radio

Good, how are you?

Oh, yeah, that's exactly what I asked.

Horse Wedding Genesee Utica Machine?

Is there a wedding magazine?

Yeah, Directions Save More, Google.

What do you look?

I'm confused what you're looking for.

23 hotels in Utica, Trivago save up to 63% in hotels.

This is a wedding magazine.

Are you looking for a wedding magazine?

Yes.

Okay, so what is it that I can help you with?

Compare over 23 hotels from $49, exclamation point.

We don't have anything in regards to hotels or a wedding magazine.

I think you may have the wrong number.

Okay, well, do you know this picture in the magazine that just came out?

The hot one, the really hot one?

I have no idea.

We have three magazines.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Which ones do you have?

And I'll tell you.

Well, we're Buffalo Wedding Magazine, Rochester Wedding Magazine, and Syracuse Wedding Magazine.

Syracuse Wedding Magazine, page 14, the woman in there.

Go get it.

Hurry up.

Come on, honey.

Chop, chop.

I'm looking at Syracuse Wedding Magazine.

page 14 come on page 14 is the craftsman in yeah verse 12 and what does it say there on page 14

yes it's the craftsman in we'll read what it says please read what it says on there describing it

what what about it sir can you please read it out to me it says classic elegance amen amen whatever

i don't know where i was going with that funny though it's colored back i was just reading a

a google add down to her fucking lunatic i want to have a question i'm gonna try just reading news

to people oh well go ahead no you do that first if she picks up you for calling weddings in new

york you're leading websites she really can't listen to her fucking washing machine making

noise washing stuff i could close the door but i'm too into the show now to get up and start

doing shit like that all right here here i'll do it for you okay thanks that's gonna help go shut

Shut your door, yeah.

Yeah.

There's a place called Centro.

I wonder what that is.

Centro.

C-E-N-T-R-O, Centro.

It's a little Spanish.

Yeah, it does.

It sounds like a big Spanish bodega or something.

Good afternoon, Centro.

May I help you?

Do you have peanuts?

Do I have who?

Do you have peanuts?

I can't understand what you're talking about.

Do you have peanuts?

Did I have dinner?

Peanuts!

Hold on.

Motherfucker.

Good afternoon, Centro.

Do you have peanuts?

Excuse me?

Do you have peanuts?

Nope.

Do you have watchers?

Nope.

Do you have motherfucker?

For some reason, I just wanted to say, do you have pants like that?

Pants.

All right, Baz, you talk to them now.

If they pick up once again.

Ask them what they are.

I just want to know now.

Yeah.

Oh, they've got a site, Centro.org.

Good afternoon, Centro.

Hi.

Hello, this is David Snodswell.

How are you, my dear?

Good.

How are you?

Yeah.

Who am I speaking with, please?

Excuse me?

Yes.

Yes, who am I speaking with, please?

This is the hub, the central hub.

Oh, okay.

No, I mean, what is your name?

I'm just trying to be polite and make pleasantries before discussing business.

I'm the receptionist here.

Okay, how are you doing?

Could you hold on a minute?

No, I cannot.

It's urgent.

I was trying to be nice to her, you know, get to know her a little bit.

I understand.

I'm with you.

My mom always told me to be polite on the phone.

Absolutely.

That's why I do a prank phone call show.

my insurance my medical insurance company this is their whole music too

i was i was on hold with them yesterday i hope it's not copyright because i care about that

shit sloth what are you doing you at work why are you on how did you get on today no we have

an unpaid week off i told you that the other day oh i don't pay attention oh unpaid that sucks

you told carlos not carlitos nice nice character doesn't remember that no you get to claim

claim unemployment for that unpaid

week? I think I might, because

we had three weeks off.

Okay, excuse me, can I help you?

Yes, ma'am, I was just inquiring

as to your name, making pleasantries.

My mom always taught

me to be polite on the telephone

before discussing business.

That's okay, but I'm sorry, but I just received a

crank call, and I don't know if you're the same person

or what. Oh, no, no, no.

Absolutely not, ma'am.

I would never, ever make a crank phone call.

Wow, that's why I was

is so vague. That's offensive and rude. I mean, I would never

call the UK and claim that I'm with the Royal Service

or anything like that. I heard about some hooligans that were doing that

and I thought it was disgusting. Damn it! Well, that's why

I was hesitant because, I mean, it's a little

annoying. Oh, yeah. It's very annoying.

I heard about these hooligans that were calling people in the UK

yesterday, and they were asking about

the lunar eclipse. Holy shit.

They were doing customer

satisfaction surveys.

And I heard that one old man

even called the police.

You know what I would tell them? Please don't bother me.

Please don't bother me with your nonsense.

That's what I always do.

I mean, because, you know,

prank calling is so immature

and childish, and I can't imagine.

I even heard that there's chat rooms

that people go into,

and they listen to prank phone calls live.

Oh, my God.

I don't have time for that.

I don't either.

Okay.

Is there something I can help you with?

Yes, Centro, what exactly are you?

What kind of organization are you?

We're a bus company.

You're a what?

A bus company.

We're city buses.

Oh, great.

We're Utica.

I'd like to book a bus, please, for Utica.

Book a bus?

Yes, ma'am.

We don't book buses.

I don't know what you're talking about.

welcome off yeah well i have some inquiries about your buses do you have uh like the private booths

in the back they're i think they're called masturbation boxes oh my god all right cool

i was referencing the show that i did yesterday did this occur was there a masturbation booth

in the bus no no yesterday turbo and i did a show and we were calling people in the uk asking about

the eclipse and a guy actually a guy claimed he was an officer and he was tracing our phone

Number

An officer of the law

Oh my god

Yeah

Constable

Oh jeez

Okay

Well

Moving right along

Let's continue here

With the town of Utica

Here's W-I-B-X-A-M

I could do the old

The radio's too loud

Turn it down thing

You do background

Effects

Baz

Get ready with your

Yeah

Get your moaning ready

Your moaning

Take me a second

The guy that goes

That's how he sounds

What sound do you need?

Moaning

Okay

The one dude's like

I don't know

Nah, we're not getting an answer.

Forget it.

Oh, well.

Well, keep it ready.

Maybe later.

Back to the map.

I don't like to call banks.

Optical world, I don't know about that.

A place called Rhythm and Roots.

What's up with them?

We're taking a stroll down Utica, New York right now,

and now we're calling a place called Rhythm and Roots.

Sounds like a place where you can buy incense,

rolling papers, stuff like that.

Marijuana smoking parties.

I have an announcement to make, too.

Let's go to the office.

Hey, Rhythm and Roots motherfuckers.

This is Rhythm and Roots, yes.

All right.

I hope to see you at the Mardi Gras ball in Rhode Island with Steve Riley.

Okay.

I didn't make it to that, but...

Why not?

Because I had other commitments that week.

That's really stupid.

Really?

Why didn't you go?

Because I wasn't able to.

Who's calling, please?

This is Cross.

This is Big Cross.

Okay.

How can I help you today?

Well, you were supposed to come to that Mardi Gras ball.

I'm really fucking pissed off

because you're one of the reasons

why I was going to go to that motherfucker.

No, she's gone.

How long was she gone for?

Oh, I was looking at the numbers.

Damn.

It was just a second.

I don't even want to call her back.

Fuck that woman.

That was quite rude.

Okay.

Where are these?

In Glasgow?

Okay.

Just a moment.

What?

That didn't work.

Oh, they're not formatted.

I tried to do it myself

and I screwed it up.

I never can do that right in my head.

The zero comes out

and I do plus four four, right?

Well, no.

No, I already put them on there, except the first one.

Oh, the first one.

I was just looking at the first one.

Okay.

It's that.

So these are all Wangs in, okay, Glasgow.

Glasgow.

Fuck that guy.

All right, next one.

T. Wang, also known as Twang.

Mm-hmm.

Call him that.

Yeah.

I didn't even think to check what time it is.

It's like 7 at night.

Yeah.

Welcome to BT Answer 1.

Okay, here's why.

It's actually usually a pretty good time to call.

all you get a yeah people would just be good success yeah this is when you would call if

you're a telemarketer though maybe that's what they're thinking calling around dinner time

the bill collector's calling go pick up the phone all right here yesterday turbo and i had like the

first five uh numbers we tried they answered it's a pretty pretty good roll there z-wang come on

zwang zwang all right let me just hang up and call back i don't know what that was about okay

Okay, nothing.

It doesn't even ring.

Well, we'll need more of those.

But I'm going back to Utica now.

Utica.

Kelly and Walt Hall.

Some kind of firm.

Okay.

I've reached the law office of Kelly and Walt Hall.

Please leave a message after the tone.

Ah.

All right, nothing.

Damn it.

I got an old school answer machine, too.

What's up with that?

American Legion.

Come on.

Damn it.

I had a good idea for that, too.

So much for that.

Going back to the map.

All right.

Universal Check Cashing Corporation.

Yeah.

All right.

Cash some checks.

Yeah.

Let's do it.

Discreetly.

Universal Check Cashing.

Hey, how are you?

Yeah.

What?

I'll put Baz on the line.

You're obviously stupid and you can't understand what I'm saying.

Baz?

Yeah.

Hi, this is Baz.

Hello, stupid.

Did you hang up?

You motherfucker.

I don't know why.

I'm calling back. I want to see if I can get a check cached.

Lee Sloth, do you want to talk to him?

Hey, it's your call, man. I don't really care.

Check cacher.

Yeah, hi, this is David Snowswell.

I've got a check that I need to have cached discreetly.

Yeah, you know how people write in the memo what the check is for?

Yeah, can I ask you to not look at that?

I mean, will the check still be valid if I crossed it out?

I'm a little bit embarrassed.

The check would not be valid.

One second, may I ask?

It's just a memo, man.

I mean, that's the check I got for sucking cock.

For sucking cock.

You can't cross that out.

Oh, man.

Okay, I got this check.

So when it clears, there's no way that my wife's going to find out about it, right?

I have no idea.

To be honest, the check is for $500, and it's for sucking cock.

And they wrote that on the memo.

I told them not to, but they did anyway.

Okay.

I don't know if your wife's going to find out about it or not,

personal check oh yeah don't cash personal checks anyways oh you don't um how about if i uh how about

if i suck your dick under the counter lame yeah i have one one last let me see if i can do it

don't cash personal checks just stop calling here hello we don't cash personal checks i don't need

to cash i'm cashing a payroll check it's a payroll check yes okay um what's the fee company or from

a person it's from a company it's from a trucking company a trucking company yeah you you can call

Call the number on it and get it confirmed.

If you bring it in, we can sell it if you cash it.

I can't see anything over the phone.

What's your fee for payroll?

1.91%.

Okay, that's not too bad, I guess.

Oh, okay.

And then, you know the bowl-proof glass?

Can you guys remove that temporarily when I come in?

The bowl-proof glass doesn't come in, no.

Just one of the panels?

I just need one.

Like, if you take it out, just one of them so I have a good angle?

But they can be removed temporarily for cleaning.

No, they can't.

If we can't remove the bulletproof glass for you.

Well, then there's no deal then.

Then no deal.

Come on, then.

Then you put it.

Leave the bulletproof glass taken off.

They can't be taken down.

No, they can't.

Those are pretty bolted in.

They are pretty much built in.

Okay.

Well, that was good.

Someone picked up.

That's a good thing.

Isn't it, guys?

Yeah.

Here's the Masonic Hall.

Let's call them.

I'm going to tell them about a pending war with the VFW and the Sons of Italy.

Hi, I have some anonymous information to give you

Well, I can give you my name

Oh, he doesn't care for that

The fuck? Weird

Okay

That's the Freemason for you guys

There's a guy in the chat room

Who said that he got in trouble

He's in Australia

And he listens to you live at work

And he got in trouble

His boss said to turn that shit off

Just now?

I don't think so

He said now he streams them on his Galaxy Note

Okay, good idea

Yeah, don't put it on.

I wouldn't put this show on your speakers.

No, this stuff does not work safe at most businesses.

Yeah, you probably don't even want to stream us on their network.

Use your cell phone network or your own private Wi-Fi spot like Mr. Sloth over there

because he's white and he has a lot of money.

He's rich.

Yeah.

We're going to try Swifty's Restaurant.

This is an odd town, this Utica.

I'm glad we called.

Thank

you for calling swifty's restaurant paul tell me help you yeah i'd like

to make an order now right now an order to go right now okay what you want us to go okay what's

It's an alternative to go.

Well, some people order ahead, and they come in and eat here,

but they want to order before they get here.

Oh, I don't want to do that.

What else could I do?

You can get takeout.

You could eat in the toilet, right?

I mean, if you'd like to.

Okay.

I won't recommend it.

All right.

Well, can I get in a takeout, and then I'm going to have a seat in the toilet?

What would you like to order?

All right, one eggs.

Eggs?

Yeah.

We don't serve eggs here.

Hard-boiled.

No, I need one eggs.

All right, one meat.

What kind of meat?

Warmed, cooked meat.

What's your name, please?

this is eddie what is it eddie eddie and what's your phone number 315-733-6611 and you want

cooked meat and eggs yeah one eggs with heat cooked with heat oh cooked with heat okay yeah

all right one uh one drinks to go any kind with ice throw something in a cup cold with ice clean

okay clean cup please oh yeah of course okay lid in a straw okay one hot sauce okay one gallon of

salad oil okay that's it will that be all today do i mess up your panties when i talk to you did

i mess them up mess them up yeah you know i make them stick together don't make them stick together

oh that'll be about 20 minutes okay it'll take 20 minutes for that yep that's yeah usually i

usually get a girl off in 15 or at least or less than that okay i'll see you in 20 minutes all

right yeah i'll see you in 20 minutes okay all right i'll see all of you all right all right

and Eulabia and everything.

Damn.

She must not be getting any.

She's like, oh, I can't wait for this guy to come in

for a gallon of salad.

Yeah.

Okay, I posted the number for the neighborhood center

in Utica.

A neighborhood center?

That's what it's called, the neighborhood center.

I have no idea what it is.

It's like Link, like community center.

Okay, they're having a fundraiser

where you can get tickets to the Yankees

a day in the big league.

It's taking a long time for numbers to ring.

Shit, man.

This is the Jerry mailbox.

at the tone i don't need general delivery shit uh what else did you send johnny hair parlor

johanna johanna okay after that i'm gonna call a chinese place and ask them for salad oil and

what else could i ask them for i could ask them to buy a wok um yeah maybe like a quart of soy sauce

red sauce yeah the one with the rooster on it oh don't forget to ask how long after you eat the

rice to take a shit yeah and some msg that makes the shit come out quicker i snort msg no johanny

he must be cutting hair right now like a fruit like oh look at me i'm like sloth i'm cutting

hair panda house chinese restaurant sloth has never cut hair in his life no if not hey i want

want to make an order phone number 315-266-2481 266-2181 yeah address i'm coming to pick it up

damn it what do you want let's say because you guys you guys sent someone over and they

masturbated my dog i don't want you people coming to my house anymore okay and anyway all right i

wanted to order one general sauer chicken no sauce the combo small handing out one uh okay

Okay, one gallon of salad oil, one wok, one sriracha sauce, five...

You're not playing.

No, I need this stuff.

You can call from other restaurant now.

One bag of rice.

I need a one bag of rice, too.

Can you deliver over and don't torture my dog?

What the fuck?

Oh, okay.

Don't torture my dog.

No, baby, I ain't doing...

All right, you guys.

Sloth, talk to her.

You, Sloth.

Sloth, it's Sloth time.

She won't pick up, though.

Watch.

Hello?

Hello, ma'am.

This is Mr. Newman.

I believe that you just spoke with my associate there.

You just hung up on him.

May I help you?

Yeah, absolutely.

He had lodged a serious complaint against your restaurant

regarding the last time that you guys had made a delivery to his place.

Okay, in charge of this?

He cannot play on a phone with all the other customers on the line.

No, no, no.

Hey, look, do you have a manager, sweetie, that you could put on the phone, like a higher-up?

Sorry about that.

He's not here.

Well, do you have anybody?

Who else is there?

They don't speak English.

Well, put them on.

That's fine.

Go ahead.

We'll try.

Do they speak broken English?

No.

okay well that kind of sucks but anyway listen oh bitch i don't buy that that nobody speaks

somebody there speaks some kind of english and it's like in their face it's chinese right yeah

and i want them on the damn phone all right she's not answering i'm calling the islamic association

please no terrorism talking or bombing stuff it's not funny let me do it i'm just gonna be

be dirty and raunchy oh they're bosnian yeah toilet man none of the good numbers ever pick

up in this fucking town baz and i have called a lot of mosques and shit and they don't normally

pick up or anything it's weird they must check the id no i don't know it probably comes up as

infidel on their caller id they're having infidel service in the caller mr tabachi's here hey

I hate to watch you

What's up? I'm in the bathroom

In the toilet

Is everything coming out okay?

If you want to leave a message

Please redial the number of the person you are calling

I don't know how that happened

Okay that was not a deli

Here is what's supposed to be the

Biogenic Dental Corporation

I wonder what they do there

Biogenic Dental

That sounds scary

They probably extract the stem cells from the teeth

Yeah

Yeah.

Yeah, and then you eat them.

You become powerful.

You grow a big dick.

Stem cells.

Stem cells can do anything.

That's a newogenic dental lab.

Stem cells can do anything, ma'am.

They're powerful.

Stem cells can do anything, you know?

Hey, can I talk to one of the doctors?

This is important.

Um, this is a dental lab.

Yeah, yeah, well, let me talk to whoever's highest over there on the chain.

I command you.

...the success of each and every one of your dental appliances and restorations.

Consultation is available by phone from 7 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, Monday through Friday.

Messages left outside of our regular phone hours will always receive our immediate attention the next business day.

I think biogenic means they just use different materials for cavities and stuff like that.

Wow, that's bullshit.

At least that's what I'm reading right now.

Thank you.

Kind of like holistic shit.

I had a jaw bone graft once.

Biogenic urges you to take advantage of our digital communication services.

They put some bone in from a dead guy, I guess.

So what did I hear a few years ago that some dude came up with?

Hello, David speaking.

What did I hear a few fucking years ago that there was some dude, a doctor, who invented that thing where they're going to put it on your teeth and cavities are going to go away forever and it had stem cells in it?

What the hell was that?

And why is it in it?

Hello?

Yeah, hey, asshole.

Hey.

Hey, are you a doctor?

Is this Dr. Spiri Dalizzi?

Who is this?

My name is Dr. Cross.

Oh, this is David from Biogenic.

Yeah.

Are you in charge?

Yes.

What is your level?

President in charge of the lab.

Why?

What do you need?

Are you a DDS?

No.

What are you then?

Lab technician.

Oh, wow.

Forget it.

You guys aren't qualified to talk to me.

What kind of primary cells are you growing in the lab?

I had a legitimate question.

I want to know what kind of primary soul types they're growing there.

Obviously, he's like, oh, these guys are probably some scam companies getting investors for nothing.

They tell rich people, oh, yeah, stem cells, man.

We're going to create things with stem cells.

Okay, it's the future.

Okay, here's $5 million.

Thank you.

That's how rich people are, guys.

I don't know if you know.

That's exactly how their lives are.

There you go.

Here's a check for $5,000.

They can call them back and see if they want to buy some

Some fibroblasts

That's a cell type

They harvest them

From foreskins

Do they?

What's a DPM?

They use them in the lab for research

What's a DPM? Is that a doctor type?

Isn't that a foot doctor?

DPM, sure

Let's ask him about step cells

Call them random doctors, ask them about bullshit

I just like that they're probably seeing patients

And I'm going to try to pull them out

The number you dialed

has not yet been activated.

Please contact customer service to...

Okay, bullshit.

They're asking about your anal lord,

so they're going to burn them out with hot pokers?

Anyone know what an OD is?

A guy, Dr. Kirkpatrick, who's an OD.

OD.

That's his website.

He wants you to have healthy eyes

and to enjoy good vision for life.

Okay, I can work with that.

You have reached the office of Dr. Daniel Kirkpatrick

and Associates and Eye Designs

Unlimited. Our office hours are

7-2. If you are calling from another

lab and would like to talk to our medical

physician, please press 3.

Yes, this is Dr. Applebaum.

I'm calling from Utica Eye Associates.

I need to talk to the doctor immediately.

Okay, hang in one second.

Alright, it's cold blue. I'm going to lose the

eye. Oh, I need my background stuff.

Oh, do you want the... I got it.

I got it. You stand by with

something else. The pissing. Okay.

Thanks for holding. See you later. How may I help you?

Is this a doctor? You're looking for a doctor

Kirkpatrick?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

I wasn't told that.

Who are you?

What do you do?

I'm a front desk attendant.

Oh, yeah.

I need Dr. Kirkpatrick.

I'm calling from Utica Eye Emergency Associates.

Okay.

One moment.

Okay.

This is so wrong, what we're doing.

Can I ask who's calling, please?

This is Dr. Cross.

Charles, you said?

Dr. Cross.

Charles Cross.

Okay.

Is it regarding a specific patient, doctor?

Yeah, but I need to talk to him.

There's this cold blue machine here.

All right.

Hold on one second.

Let me see if he's available, okay?

All right.

damn it. Plus the doctor-patient

confidentiality would prohibit

you from revealing the name. Well, HIPAA would,

yeah. Yay for medical malpractice.

Mm-hmm. What the hell's going

on in the background here? They're removing

the eye. Is that your, uh,

sound effect? Yeah.

Oh, okay. Why, you thought it was them?

Yeah. I couldn't tell.

They dropped the eyeball.

Oh, God, stop. Freaks me out.

Ugh. Ugh, yeah.

Because you've had those, like, needles in your eye, Carlito,

right? I've had, fuck, yeah.

Ugh, that stuff's messed up.

And you don't know when it goes in either.

No.

That's the freaky part.

They're like, oh, the needle was just in your eye.

Yeah, when he did it, he did it.

And he said, are you ready?

Dr. Cross?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, Dr. Kirkpatrick's not available right now.

Is there a number he can call you back on?

That motherfucker.

Son of a bitch.

You tell him he's a motherfucking son of a bitch.

Write that down.

Oh my God.

Shit.

Okay.

Again, a five-year-old could do that prank call, but it was just funnier.

She's probably going to go back to him and say, oh, my God, this doctor said.

I don't know if he was a doctor.

Sorry.

Oh, my God.

Dr. Kirkpatrick, you won't believe what he said to me.

I can't repeat it.

You know how those women are.

Oh, dear heavens.

I've been offended.

Okay.

I'm looking here at a Catholic, Ukrainian Catholic church.

Wow.

Okay.

Okay, I can tell I'm not from the Russian Catholic Church, and we're going to occupy their lobby.

Send all of the new Ukrainian Catholic Church to leave you a message.

Damn it, come on.

Not a good idea for them.

Shit.

That's the rectory.

That's where the priest lives.

Yeah.

Chat room, what was that second town?

The one that Brad said.

Do you remember?

All right, that number's not even going through now.

I give up.

It was busy probably, right?

Or chat room, give me a town, another town, please.

Baz, if you can report.

port selena oh yeah it's a selena ceo ina all right we'll go there google earth engaged here

we are selena ohio on the banks of some lake grand lake there you go all right zooming in

on wayne street wayne a thiamin tailgate i have no idea what that is i don't want to call it

ambiance home care local net what's local net let's find out yes they do have a phone number

Sounds like some bullshit liberal newspaper, Local, right?

Yeah, that's what I would say.

There's a lot of ads for masseuses in the back.

That's where Serbachi picks up his girls from.

Thank you for calling LocalNet.

To assist you, please have your LocalNet email address or account number available.

It's actually a small ISP.

Hello?

Yeah, the computer doesn't go.

Excuse me?

The computer does not go.

One moment.

Okay.

Calling back.

I'm going to be taking a break here.

After this, I've got to refill my water.

Nice.

thank you for calling local net better assist you please have your local net email address

or account number available thank you for calling local net my name is jennifer hey the computer

doesn't go the computer does not go and i called and some puerto rican guy there was taking forever

to transfer me okay are you calling for technical support the computer does not go why are you

yelling sir because i'm telling you like this is the third time now i tell you this is customer

The computer doesn't go.

I'm a fucker.

Well, the fucking number says...

She was trying not to laugh.

All right, why don't you talk to her?

I'm getting pissed.

Oh, there's a toll-free number on their site.

We could try that.

Thank you for calling LocalNet.

To better assist you, please have your LocalNet email address or account number available.

Thank you for calling LocalNet.

My name is Jennifer.

May I have your username or telephone number, please?

Yeah, Big Jennifer.

Go ahead, Ron.

Oh, sorry.

Yeah, you had just spoken with my father.

He was a little bit perturbed about his Internet service.

Okay, I'll ask him if he needed technical support.

Yeah, yeah, could you transfer me?

Sure, just one moment.

Thank you.

I was just going to tell you.

Tell him your account name is DSL Support.

Goddamn.

Thank you for calling LocalNet Technical Support.

For the best possible service, please have your computer on and your LocalNet username available.

Please stay on the line, and an agent will assist you shortly.

I was hoping maybe that line would work, but nope.

All right, we're done with LocalNet.

Sorry.

Sorry, guys.

I know we were excited about that.

Sorry that took so long.

To make up for it, I'll try to get someone else here.

We'll get Tim Arnold Photography.

We'll ask him about pictures that are dirty, maybe.

And then there's another check cache in place.

At least we can ask them about removing this fireproof or the bulletproof glass.

It's a condition of us being a customer.

That's not the cozy campground.

All right, that's not going to work.

Here's the check cashing.

Oop, oop, oop.

Hi, you've reached Tomorrow Photography at 419.

I don't care.

I'm going to play all these songs already.

Thanks for calling again.

Here.

What?

Hello?

Hey, stupid.

Hello?

My music was on.

I'm sorry.

It's fine.

I was like, oh, is that how you were?

Yeah.

Can I ask what your payroll check cashing fee is?

Wrong, wrong.

Are you new or something?

4%.

How did you not know that?

Listen, I called across the town and it was only 1.91%, motherfucker.

I did.

Click.

I haven't been the best tonight.

Today.

Good night.

Ooh, computer and networking technologies.

Yeah.

Thank you for calling in Vance America.

This is Kara.

How can I help you?

Go ahead, Baz. I have Baz on the line. Go ahead, Baz.

All right, Baz isn't here. Yes, you're check cashing?

Here I am, Big Kara. Sorry, I was having a little trouble operating the telephone machine, but Simba figured it out.

I need to inquire about some check cashings.

Yes, is it a payroll check then?

Yes, it's a big, big payroll check.

How much is it? Because there is a certain limit to what I can and can't cash.

Well, you tell me what your limit is, and I'll tell you whether or not it's over or under.

If I remember correctly, we can only cash up to $1,000.

Oh, okay.

Well, what if I, okay, I think we're good.

Yeah, yeah.

It's $999.94.

Okay, yeah, that should be fine.

There are a few things that I have to do before I can cash it.

Okay, such as?

I have to verify it with both the company and the bank that it's drawn from to make sure the check is okay.

And then I'm going to need...

Oh, it's okay.

I can tell you it's a nice-looking check.

You know, it's very professional-looking.

You know, it looks like it was printed on a high-quality check printer.

So I can already tell you that it's okay.

Okay.

And then I'm going to need two forms of ID from you, one that has to be government-issued,

and the other one, anything pre-printed with your name on it.

Okay.

Okay, so like a library card, would that work?

The library card, and as long as the library card has your name printed on it, not handwritten or anything.

Okay.

And then the other one has to be like a driver's license, state ID, or anything like that.

Okay.

Can it be my inmate identification card?

I mean, that was issued to me by the state.

It is issued by the state?

Yes.

Okay, that should work.

When I was a guest there for about five years.

You know, I had little problems with checks.

Okay.

So, yeah.

And what else, what other conditions must be met?

And then I'll tell you my conditions.

I have some conditions that must be met also.

I still have to call the banks and everything just to make sure the check is okay.

Okay.

Can I call the bank first and tell them you'll be calling?

And I'll give you, I'll provide you the number of the bank and the person to talk to.

I need to call him first to talk about a few things and to warn him so he can get our stories straight,

Great, if you know what I mean.

Yeah, it should be okay.

Oh, great, great, yeah.

And then I have some conditions as well.

I would like the money in unmarked bills, non-sequential if possible.

If I have that, maybe.

Okay, and do you have that glass, you know, the security glass?

No, we do not.

Oh, perfect.

And I'd also like to just come in and look around.

I'm just curious about how these places work.

Like, what do you mean by, like, look around?

Well, can you give me a tour?

I can't have you come behind the counter where I'm at.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Well, let's see.

I don't think I have any other ridiculous questions for you.

Maybe my associate Ron or Mr. Hibachi, do you have any questions?

No, I do not.

Do you have toilets?

Okay, one at a time, gentlemen.

Yeah, hey, do you have, we'll bring in, like, a black suitcase,

like a little black suitcase, and you put the money in that, okay,

okay, and then we'll leave.

And then you guys, you can go do a dead drop.

You know what that is?

We can't be seen accepting this money, so...

It's got to be real discreet-like, you know?

Yeah.

We're going to send a courier in,

a courier dog with the check.

So the dog will have a little satchel around its neck,

and it'll just walk right in.

You might have to open the door for it,

and it'll have the check.

It'll bark at least once in.

Yeah.

Then you'll put the money into the black suitcase,

which the dog will also provide, then the dog will perform the dead drop.

he'll have a note pinned to his back with the number of the bank and the person

to contact for verification and that person at the bank is actually also a a dog it's a proxy

Hello, ma'am. Are you still there?

I'm okay.

Oh, great, great, great.

Wow. So it sounds like this is

going to all work out fine.

It's going to be the perfect night.

Yeah. Are you sexy, honey?

Hello? Are you still listening?

Shout out to Reclute for that reference.

Nope. You still there?

Let's see if she stays. Nope.

Hey, honey. Call her back.

Hey, baby.

It's going to be the perfect night

Should I ask for all wads to go to the strip club?

Need a dead drop so the wife doesn't find out.

What's a dead drop?

I should know that, but I don't.

It's like...

It wouldn't be a dead drop if the dog...

Thank you for calling Advance America.

Para el señor, por favor, oprima el dojo.

Si.

We are currently assisting other customers and are unable to...

Oh, God.

Well, I kind of...

When I was asking her if I could go in the back,

and it kind of occurred to me that it might sound like

I'm chasing the place out to the left.

And I didn't want to kind of go...

I didn't want to go there.

Yeah.

Bad Baz.

It wasn't intentional, but...

Does anyone want computer networking technologies?

Yeah, I'll talk to them.

Okay, Zyclone.

Hello?

Is this computer network technologies machines?

Hello?

What the hell was that?

The fuck?

Their problem with their network machines.

They don't like money.

Thank you for calling CNT.

How may I help you?

Yes, is this network technologies?

Yes, it is.

Hi, do you guys do jailbreaking at all?

We do not.

You guys don't?

Do you know somebody who does do jailbreaking?

I'm not for sure.

I'm sorry.

I wish I could be a better help.

It's okay.

Do you guys sell, like, satellite decoders?

Like, so I can hook it up to my internet machine and get free TV without ads?

Oh, no, we don't do any of that here.

You guys do networks.

I need network things.

No.

I mean, a lot of the networking that we do, we repair the networks.

We don't sell a whole lot for them.

I mean, of course, we have, like, the routers and stuff like that.

But, I mean, anything, I guess, that we don't have, we can usually order in.

Oh, so if you guys fix networks, how can I break my neighbor's network?

Because he keeps trying to get onto my Wi-Fi and watch porn, and I don't want him to do that.

Do you have a password on your router?

I did, but he cracked it, and now he's holding it hostage, so I need to break it so I can stop him watching porn.

Okay.

Well, I can't be a whole lot of help for that, but I can leave a message for one of my techs and have him give you a call.

Question, though.

Would this work if I took my router and just put a .44 Magnum round through it?

Would that fix it?

Would that stop him from watching porn?

It may.

Like I said, I don't want to give you the wrong answer just because I'm not for certain,

certain but i can definitely leave my text message and have them give you a call and get that all

figured out for you can i talk to a man because i mean you're a woman you probably don't know a lot

about about breaking things can i talk to a man yeah um well like i said they're not here right

now i can take a message and have them give you a call so so they have the one woman they're doing

secretary work that makes sense yeah yeah i mean i've got an idea um so our you know i'm his

roommate, our neighbor keeps trying to

keep stealing our network.

He keeps stealing our Wi-Fi. Is there any way

that you can just ship

over some graphic

gay pornography

so that when he connects to the internet

all he sees is a bunch of dick?

No. No? Why not?

Okay, I've got better things to deal with. Thanks.

No, you don't. No, help us.

Help us, damn it. Make me a grilled

cheese sandwich. Right, that's what I'm in the mood for.

A fucking grilled cheese sandwich right now.

What kind of cheese?

American cheese.

But you know what I do for a grilled cheese sandwich to make it easy?

I toast two slices of bread, and then I put two slices of cheese in between them.

Light toasty, lightly toasted.

And then a little bit of butter, and then I microwave it for like 30 seconds in a plate.

And that's like a rapid ghetto grilled cheese sandwich.

That's my recipe for you.

Would a George Foreman

Work pretty well for that though

Yeah actually George Foreman you can skip the microwave

And save some time just smash it in there

Like a motherfucker I love that too

Yeah man you put butter on each side of the bread

And cheese inside in the middle

And smash it down

Yeah a lot of butter too

So the butter's dripping and oozing down

And then you dip your sandwich in that butter

That goes in the cup

Yeah then you can eat a lot of burnt cheese

That gets on the grill

hell yeah

alright so I'm going to be taking a break

I'll be gone for like 5 minutes when I come back

we're going to probably call a little bit

more Selena Ohio

we might target one more last city

here I'll do about another hour or so

but most importantly we're going to get

to the request of pranks that have been in here

for the last few days including

quite a few of them that have come in today

I see

the gentleman in the chat conference here

posted some other numbers I believe

leave in the chat that we can get to i think if not maybe those will come later yeah i got a

request from new new good good all right i'll be right back in a moment don't go anywhere guys

i try to think about right now is about what all the uk indian places are open

probably call some uk indian places whoops i'm back sorry guys missed my return

yes what oh we got some numbers in skype chat uh i'll place all right

You got it.

Hey, everybody.

Anyway, I'm Carlito.

We're back from break.

Let me turn this music down.

Yeah.

All right.

So what do we got?

UK?

One place.

They're all UK numbers.

One is a Mr. Elephant that Baz called, and there are three Indian places that I found

that had a really shitty service that are in the UK, so they're open now.

All right.

We'll do Tandoori Raj off the top first.

More Banshoot calls.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's an anti-Bhenchod movement in our fan base.

I don't know if you noticed that.

I haven't.

Bhenchod.

Hello?

Yeah, hey, Bhenchod, how are you?

Hello?

Yeah, hi, Bhenchod, I'd like to make an order.

Hello?

Yeah, one order.

Order.

Someone else do this before I use it.

You're stupid.

You want the food.

Hey, come in front of me, you stupid Gondu, Bhenchod, Motherchud.

Hello?

Can I use something amusing

for the listeners?

We'll connect Sherpa.

Sherpa?

Sherpa, I think that's it.

Hi.

Can I make an order, please?

One chicken tikka masala.

One lamb

rogan josh.

One lamb rohan josh.

Yes. One ban chud.

One lamb rohan. Ban chud. Ban chud.

Hey, I'm just reading off the list. It says

one ban chud. Lamb.

One gandu?

No, that is one.

One sister.

What is it, then?

I'm reading off the list my buddy gave me.

What is a bhenchod?

Sorry?

What is a bhenchod if you don't do it?

I don't know.

It also says one gandu.

No.

I go to a menu.

My buddy just gave me a list.

Give me that phone, motherfucker.

Hey, listen.

It's Carlito.

Hey, I'm Carlito.

Hey, listen.

Yeah, please tell me, sir.

Are you dark skin or light skin?

Sorry?

Are you dark or light?

No, I can't hear.

Are you an owl?

He has a hairy ass

You know what is owl?

You know an owl?

A dark owl with big eyes?

A stupid owl?

That's you

You're like

Like an owl

An ugly fucking owl

Yeah, you're an ugly dark-skinned owl

That one we don't understand

Yeah

Asshole

Fuck you

Hello?

Chachachode

You're stupid

Yeah, I'd like to make a

I want to get an order, please

The Pejota?

Yeah, fucker.

Sorry?

Yeah.

Fuck.

He didn't like that.

Damn it.

I figured we'd get at least one angry guy out of these.

You guys try him.

Call the Mr. Elephant.

They'll get angry.

Okay, yeah, let's try the Mr. Elephant then.

Actually, they were on the line calling the police on another phone.

I called them on my show.

I put some Yelp check-ins.

Where do you think, Sloth, where do you think guys get like,

Like, well, people would get the last, the surname elephant from.

Were they elephant dealers back in the day, maybe?

That's a very good question.

I have no fucking idea.

That is weird, though.

And they're English.

Were they British or sound in guys?

How were they?

I don't know.

Anyway, hey.

I will have to Google that.

What's missing with that number?

It's not, something's not, maybe it's the spaces.

It's not working, the spaces.

Oh, hey.

Which one?

The first one.

Oh, scroll down.

Yeah, yeah, the first one.

Let me, I'm going to try to take this.

Oh, no, there was no space in between the colon and the plus.

If you scroll down, I found it underneath it.

I got it, I got it.

I think I did.

Let's see.

So what's up with this guy, anyway?

He's an elephant, and he's mad.

You know how they go in the heat?

Good evening, Mr. Elephant.

Yeah, is this Mr. Elephant?

Go ahead, Carlito.

Hi.

No, please go, Baz, because I'm in the lost here.

Yeah, I'd like to place an order for pickup.

I will collect the order.

What would you like?

Yeah, I would collect it with my hand.

Yeah, I would like one order of the chicken tikka masala machine.

Hurry the fuck up.

Hee hee hee.

Is it a chicken tikka masala?

Hee hee hee hee.

Yeah, chicken tikka masala.

And the five spaces of papadums.

Say what?

No, five spaces.

Yes, I'm trying to order the damn papadums.

I don't know what the problem is.

We don't sell papadums.

What do you sell?

Do you sell the naan?

Garlic naan?

For collection, I'm going to collect it

into my hand

and you will collect the money

Yes, so

I was trying to order the five spaces of pop-it-ums

Yes, hello

Hello, Mr. Elephant

American

They remember me from last week

Let's listen for a while, then we'll do the next one

He's probably calling the police on the other phone again

Hello

Alright, I'll do the next one

We'll keep him on the line

Did the next one not go through?

No, I don't.

Yeah, I'm not seeing anything.

That's weird.

All right, here, I'll try this one.

Paul, I'll try it again.

I think I clicked the wrong thing.

Paul Poletta.

This is, what, a Starbucks?

Or is this a person who checked in at one?

Yes, that is a person who checked into that Starbucks.

Are they there now, or are they there in the past?

No, they are.

Dashie's thing is up to date.

Nice.

They should still be there.

Thank you for calling Starbucks.

This is Janine.

Yes, hi.

Hey, Janine.

Yeah, this is Mr. Newman.

I'm calling from the corporate office.

Office, there's a customer in there right now that I need to speak with.

Okay.

Okay, his name is Paul Paletta.

All right.

Okay, hang on a minute.

See that I speak with this customer immediately.

Okay, hang on.

All right, thank you.

Hello?

Yes, is this Paul, Paul Paletta?

There's actually no customers in here right now.

That is a lie, ma'am.

He checked in there just a mere moments ago.

No, there's no customers in here.

Well, I demand that you make a page over the intercom right now, damn it.

This is Mr. Newman. I'm calling from the corporate office.

It's very important.

Oh, you're going to lose your job, you know?

You're going to be in so much trouble, little lady.

You're going to be fired.

Are you still with me, Janine? Jenny?

Yes.

All right, so listen.

I need you to go out and find Paul.

You have a cordless phone.

There's no customers in here.

I hear people in the background.

Do not give me that shit.

If you people are...

Sorry.

I'll call the next one.

That would have been awesome if that person was black.

Shut up.

Back there.

Yeah, hold on, though.

Carlito, do you have access to this thing that Dashie made?

No, no.

It sounds awesome.

It's an aggregator that checks all the double checks.

Yeah.

He said not to give this to people, but I am going to go out on a limb and assume that it's okay for me to use Carlito.

I'm sure it would be okay to give it to Big Boss here.

It's on the private account and all that.

Okay, cool, cool.

Yeah, so if you check that PM that I sent you.

All right, got it.

Just saw it coming.

Hey, be quiet over there, all right?

Whatever, Raj, what's that place, Tandoori Raj?

Mr. Elephant.

Oh, Mr. Elephant, yeah, shut the fuck up.

Hang up the phone.

They were speaking in Hebrew earlier.

Really? Weird.

Danielle, who's at a Starbucks, try this one, big sloth.

What's wrong, Hoboken, Hedema speaking, how may I help you?

Hedema, is that your name, is that what you said?

Yes.

Okay, Hedema, this is Mr. Newman, I'm calling from the corporate office, okay?

Okay, yes, we've had some suspicious activity there at your location

that we're picking up on the main monitors, the main screens.

Oh, okay, one second.

I'm going to give you to my manager, one second.

No, listen, this is urgent.

I don't have time for whatever the hell it is you're going to do.

Okay, so what's going on?

Okay, there's a customer in there right now that our monitors are picking up

and identifying as Danielle Elise.

So I need to put her on the phone immediately.

Danielle?

Danielle Elise.

Elise.

Um, we don't have anyone here named Danielle Elise.

A customer? How would you know? Did you ask?

A customer? I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Is there a Danielle Elise here?

No, there's no customer by that name.

Wait a moment. Yell again.

Danielle Elise? Is there a Danielle Elise?

No, there's no one responding to that.

Okay, hold on. Um, what about Kelly Smunt?

hey fuck you bitch you heard what she said to you slob hello hello yes sir this is mr

grumman i'm calling from the corporate office that lady there she's she's fired okay uh do

you need to speak with the do you need to speak with the uh manager well now first off you you

kick her ass out you say dina you get the fuck out hi this is the chef supervisor yeah uh listen

Listen, this is Mr. Newman.

I'm calling from the corporate office.

It's a very difficult time with some of your employees.

No, may I ask what this is about, though?

Well, okay, we were calling in regards to some suspicious activity on a customer's credit card there.

Okay.

And Hedema, I don't know if I'm pronouncing that correctly.

Yeah, her name is Hedema, yes.

Yeah, she used a coarse language with me.

She said the N-word.

So are you calling from the Starbucks Corporation, or are you a customer?

No, I'm calling on behalf of the Starbucks brokerage regarding suspicious activity on a customer's credit card.

Oh, okay.

Before my entire operation was derailed and I had to reset the monitors because her employee there had interrupted it by saying the end.

I was about to.

Well, okay.

We were calling.

It's a very sensitive piece of equipment.

Okay.

What kind of operation are you speaking about?

Because I have no details.

You're telling me about a customer's suspicious activity on a credit card.

You're asking her to yell out two names.

Hey, the operation and its nature are of no concern to you.

All I need you to know, and all you need to know, is to put Danielle Elise on the phone right now.

It's a customer, though.

Well, we have many customers inside our store.

Yeah, but you yell.

You yell like Kadima did.

You get on the intercom now.

We don't have intercoms in the store, sir.

Go around and you check.

Okay.

You have a cordless phone?

Yes, I do have a cordless phone.

So may I ask, can I get your name and, like, how are you exactly sure that you have this customer in my store?

My name is Ron Newman.

I'm actually the Visa Audit Captain, Imperial.

So you need to check your tone a little bit, miss.

No, because you're not giving me any details there.

Well, I gave you all the necessary details.

You got the customer's name.

You understand that I outrank you and that I'm your superior.

I mean, that should be enough.

No.

Well, sir, you haven't given me any information.

You just tell me a name and that you're out of protection.

You're asking me to call out a customer's name.

What do you want from me, woman?

Listen, I don't have time for this.

Excuse me, you should watch your tone.

I'm trying to calmly and ask any details.

What's going to happen?

I totally outrank you.

I could have you fired right now.

I could call security and they will escort you out and you'll be super embarrassed and you'll feel like an asshole.

I'm sorry, sir, but your kind of tone with me is not how this works.

Do you have any partner numbers that I can...

That's why they don't pay you a lot of money.

That's why you get paid like...

I'm hanging up on you, sir.

I'm sorry.

You're very derogatory towards me.

I'm hanging up.

Don't hang up.

You gotta hang up.

Calm your ass down now.

All right?

I'll call back.

That sucked.

The first girl, the Hedina lady, was totally willing to yell stuff.

Isn't that a disease or a condition, edema?

Edema.

That's swelling of the legs and stuff.

Yeah, fluid buildup in your legs and feet.

Your lungs, pulmonary edema, very bad.

Is that still the elephant we're hearing?

Yeah, they're still fucking connected.

I suspect that they have an officer on the way or something.

Yeah, it's a tracer.

They're going to tap right into the phone right there.

Oh, they got the hotline.

All right, they're not answering here this second time.

Yeah, Bobby's going to come and blow his whistle and wave his stick around.

I ask Mr. Elephant, please, to behave yourselves and not make loud noises over there if you're going to listen.

All right?

Thank you.

John Kirk.

No snickering either.

No.

No snickering.

John Kirk, where is he at?

He is at a Wienerschnitzel.

Ooh, man, I could go for like some tips.

Mr. Elephant, if you have to laugh, just say ha, like Milkman does.

Ha.

Ha ha.

Ha.

John Kirk.

Where is Milkman?

Is he?

He's back.

Yeah.

He's back.

Yeah, man.

He's a night man.

Worker's been kind of interfering with shows.

Too many gun sales.

I said shut up over there.

Shut up over there, I said.

Got news.

You monkey.

Quiet.

Tell them to break any dishes they're paying for them out of their paychecks.

Quiet or hang up, asshole.

Mark Cortez.

He's at the Fuji Grill, motherfucker.

Did it not go through?

It was busy.

Don't forget, we're going to get to some requested pranks when we burn these numbers.

Busy still?

Okay.

Whatever.

I'm not talking about Seinfeld.

Josh Spear at the Ruin Thai restaurant.

No answer there.

Nunu sent in ideas or phones?

Let's see.

China Palace.

Okay.

Yeah, okay.

So this place evidently got...

Here, let me read the info.

They received the zero star rating, meaning urgent improvements are needed.

This is on their health inspection rating.

Oh, how embarrassing.

So they raised serious concerns about the way the food is being stored,

like raw eggs and prawns being stored next to cooked foods.

Other issues are using supermarket carrier bags to store raw meat.

A towel with a very pungent smell is used to dry the tables, I guess.

Stuff like that.

Okay.

Sounds like a piece of shit.

Let's do it.

Yeah.

I'm trying to think what I had heard about the UK or London where, it didn't go through,

there was something about how like when you, like in the United States where they have

have inspections and you can get shut down that in the uk you couldn't necessarily do it that way

something like that and that they would try to shut them off if their water wasn't working what

the hell what did i hear about that it was something where those laws were kind of more

lax it's not working shit oh here let me uh number let me do that again i'm just pasting

the number that nunu sent me yeah all right let me try again shut up here we go here we go look

Look out with your drink orders, elephant.

What do you got over there?

Elephant piss?

Yeah, what do you have to drink over there?

Elephant piss?

Hello?

Yeah, would you like to make an order?

Yeah, delivery or collection?

What was that, honey?

Delivery or collection?

Committee or collection?

Collection.

Oh, I'll collect it.

Yeah, I want to collect it.

Yeah, what can I get you?

I'm trying to listen in the background.

Let me turn the TV down.

One order of papadums?

Got the wrong number.

This is the Chinese.

The Chinese?

Okay, one General Tso chicken.

One what's on rice?

One General Tso, one rice.

Do you know which Chinese you're from?

Yeah, one rice, motherfucker, one rice.

I was going to say General Tso, but you've said it first.

I think that's what everybody thinks of when you think of Chinese, though, is General Tso's chicken.

I was getting an echo.

I think they hung up over there.

No, I heard a police radio in the background at Mr. Elephant.

Was it a police radio?

I thought it was a TV.

No, it sounded like a dispatcher.

Let's call Mr. Elephant.

So the cop was listening in while you were talking to the China place.

Was it the first Mr. Elephant?

Yeah.

Yeah, it was Mr. Elephant.

The first one, though, yeah.

Okay.

So I think my suspicion was correct.

they just kept the phone on the line

until the cops arrived

and it started

clicking a lot

Sloth weren't you

wasn't I connecting you and Ice Goose

together and we did a show or you guys did

a show and there was

some place in Australia and the

fucking their line wouldn't disconnect and we kept

you kept them on the line for like a good

30 minutes you know what I'm talking about

oh probably that's happened a couple times

with some of the overseas calls

I thought I had it recorded

it was really funny and the one prank with the indian guys saying call copper yeah i'm gonna

call the coppers call them yeah i'm calling them they're on the way okay sorry can we call

elephant is that elephant yeah i'm sorry i did that can we call them and see if i can make an

order okay try hello hello god do hello no i don't think that's gonna go anywhere but i'll

keep them connected again let's see what happens i'm getting the call ticket my cell is shit

What do you want?

Hello, sir.

You ordered the takeaway.

Yeah, what the...

The middle is disconnected.

That's why we called...

Oh, yeah?

Is that what happened?

Do you want the takeaway?

Okay, yeah.

Yeah.

Who wants to do the order, guys?

Okay, sir.

You can tell me.

We want the dirty food.

Yeah, we want the dirty Indian food.

I want garlic naan.

Garlic naan?

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay, sir.

Okay, please hold on.

Baz, is there anything that you could order that you could eat?

garlic man how many garlic man one garlic man i want one i don't know who else wants any yeah

ron what was your question for me my question was is there anything that like sloppy and gross

but kind of sticky that he could slather all over my uh my rectum and then he could eat it

off of oh well don't they have that what is that the gulab uh it's a dessert sir what's that

dessert that's made out of the milk and honey what do you call it gulab or it's a dessert

Kuruma. We do the kuruma.

Are you coming here, sir?

Better you look at the menu and order, no?

I want to stick them up Ron's asshole.

And he'll just eat them right out of there.

So you guys don't even have to eat your plate.

So do you, if Ron bends over, can you shove one up his ass, his bum?

Hello?

Yes, hello. Pay attention.

Sorry? Say it again?

Pay attention.

You need to concentrate and try to pay attention to us.

We're trying to make an order.

And you're not listening, you're playing around or something.

I wouldn't appreciate that.

You can go do that on your own time.

You're supposed to be working.

You're supposed to be attending to us.

That's no excuse.

See, the other place, Mr. Elephant, they didn't even hang up.

They're still on the line with us right now.

Hey, Mr. Restaurant Guy, there is one thing I want to order, though.

Hello?

Hello, I can hear you.

Uh, do you guys have Bhenchod?

Do you guys have Bhenchod?

Say it again?

Do you have Bhenchod?

Bhenchod? Bhenchod?

No.

It's where we take the sister. You have a sister?

Sorry, I can't hear you.

They make an order of sister.

Mr. Elephant's clicking again, so something's going on.

Sir, do you know our address?

Uh, yes, I think so.

King Street, dumbass.

Sorry?

We're right off King Street. It's none of your business.

Asshole.

Oh, King Street, King Street, okay, okay.

Yeah, asshole.

Are you collecting?

Yeah, with our hands.

You come and collect, okay.

Oh, shit.

Sir, why don't you come, then we say...

No, we're going to order now.

Just fucking stop dicking us around, guy.

Okay, okay, just order, please.

Okay, you fucking moderate, Joe.

You order only one garlic and so forth.

Fuck.

In the corner.

You said we were going to...

In the chicken tikka motherfucker.

Chicken tikka masala.

Chicken tikka motherfucker.

Yeah, chicken tikka motherfucker.

Motherfucker.

Am I replying?

No.

He called us, motherfucker.

I'm calling him back now.

Hey, hey, why'd you hang up?

I couldn't hear.

Now I can hear you.

We've got our menu with you.

Mr. Newman is going to tell you some things.

Yeah, okay.

You will listen to him.

Okay.

Yes.

What did we order so far?

You ordered that sort.

Okay, chicken tikka masala.

Chicken tikka masala, okay.

One chicken tikka masala.

Okay, now in one large order of matar chow.

uh materchud is what we would like to order it it means uh your mother you bring her in front

of us and we fuck her i'm gonna take a shit he understands anything he's fine yeah he hung up

oh yeah i wasn't paying attention i'm sorry i was listening but i didn't okay you know what i mean

right okay i was managing stuff trying a third time hello hello hello i'd like to make an order

Yeah.

One papadums?

One papadum, okay.

Okay.

One chicken tikka masala?

Papadum, one chicken tikka masala.

Okay.

And do you have any paneer?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'll have an order of that.

Yeah, what?

Paneer tikka?

Yeah.

And do you have any shorba?

Shorba?

No, no.

No?

Okay.

And that's it then.

Did I say garlic naan?

Did I tell you garlic naan?

One garlic naan, one chicken tikka masala, one papadum.

Okay.

Yeah, okay, and one paneer.

Paneer tikka or paneer tikka masala?

Paneer tikka.

One paneer tikka.

Okay, that's it.

How much?

Fifteen pound and forty.

Okay, and how long will it be, fifteen?

Half an hour.

Half an hour, oh, wow, okay.

Okay.

Okay, I'll be there.

Thank you, bye.

You will come and collect it, yeah?

I'm going to come collect it.

Okay, okay, okay, bye.

I'll call him back and cancel it.

Yeah, okay.

care moving right along now we got to be on for at least another half hour guys yeah that's gonna

cut it that'll be the end of the show that'll have to be the last prank of the day because then i

have to go to physical therapy i gotta take a shower because i smell like uh burnt rope why

are you burning rope uh i get bored i'm pyro i like to burn stuff so are you guys allowed to

get fireworks like good fireworks up in uh pennsylvania uh i don't think so florida you

You can get, like, a whole fucking fireworks show, man.

I know.

God damn.

And everyone, like, it's awesome.

Like, driving home on the 4th of July, me and my ex-girlfriend, we would go.

And my wife, too, we did this.

We would go to Disney.

We'd go to Disney for the day and see the fireworks there.

And on the way home, Universal would start shooting off theirs.

And then see Worldwood at the same time.

And then you see all these houses, people were doing it all on the way home.

It always looked so fucking cool.

oh i miss that shit man yeah yeah driving on i-4 at eight well from 9 p.m down on the 4th of july

in central florida if you do that go go on north on i-4 or i'm sorry go east on i-4 from disney

up to daytona beach and fucking enjoy life play bruce springsteen the whole way yeah okay i'll

I'll stop talking, and we'll get to some more pranky calls.

Mr. Elephant, I ask you to please continue to be respectful over there, okay?

Yeah, stop clicking.

Okay.

Eric Lederman.

Sounds Jewish, huh?

Or maybe German.

I don't know.

My first thought was German.

Okay.

Well, it could be both.

That's a rough deal, huh?

This is Emily.

How can I help you?

Oh, hi, big girl.

How are you?

I need to speak to my friend.

He should be there somewhere.

His cell phone isn't going off, but there's an emergency.

His name is Eric.

You said her name?

Eric.

his name is eric could you explain what he looks like oh geez you know kind of up to here

dark features white guy last name is liederman he's german and jewish he looks like a young

howard like a young howard stern are you are you eric oh sweet oh i found them hold on

hello yes hi this is special time agent garcia this is eric letterman yes can i help you yes

Yes, I'm calling from the year 2214.

We have suspicions that you're going to be having some juice there right now, correct?

Who is this?

This is Special Time Agent Garcia.

I'm calling from 2215.

Okay.

Yeah, I'm making a time phone call to you.

Listen, do not drink that juice.

It's going to get you very sick, like diarrhea.

Okay.

And if that happens, you're going to miss the event in two days.

and in that event

you're going to meet

Vice President Dick Cheney

former Vice President Dick Cheney

you're going to tell him about your idea

that you've been thinking about, that dream you had recently

and he's going to

invest with you in it

and it's actually going to become one of the largest corporations

in the United States

like hell

no, like hell

I wouldn't be caught in the same space as Dick Cheney

yeah, but you bump into each other

What is this?

I'm Special Time Agent Garcia from the future.

I'm hanging up now because...

I'm Special Time Agent Garcia from the future.

Please, sir, you must listen to me.

We're going to have to send time agents out to get you.

Well, then send them.

Thank you.

Bye.

Okay, cold blue.

Let's call him back and I'll pretend to be the time agent.

Did you hear the lady saying, I'm sorry to him in the background?

I'm sorry.

I'm going to be a Special Time Agent Garcia.

I love those calls.

24K, how can I help you?

Eric, you there?

I'm sorry, who?

Zyklon.

Is Eric there?

There's no one here that works here by that name.

Is there a customer here named Eric?

I need to speak to him.

It's very important.

Oh, is everyone okay there?

Um, oh, um, the preacher Eric?

Yes.

Yeah, let me, um, can I tell him who's calling?

This is Larry.

A super important phone call for you from Larry.

Again?

Who is this?

This is Larry.

I'm calling to inform you that you need to stay where you are because if you miss the event, you will become an atheist.

Stay where you are.

Agents will be here to pick you up momentarily.

Listen, you're going to become an atheist, okay?

and then you're going to miss the big event in two days

where you meet former Vice President Dick Cheney.

He won't give you the $5 million investment for your organization,

and you won't be able to change the world,

and we won't be able to meet with the Ecclesians in 22 years

when they make contact with Earth.

We won't be able to defend ourselves, and they'll actually destroy us.

Someone messed up the...

Oh, I'm turning the water off.

I was like, where are the Ecclesians?

As soon as they said preacher, I was like, oh, I've got to mention it'll be an atheist.

Tell her it's the Blood Moon.

Yeah, the Blood Moon.

24 Karat, how can I help you?

Yeah, the blood moon, the blood moon.

Just tell them the blood moon.

Excuse me, sir.

You cannot call here anymore unless you are placing an order if you're a customer.

This is a business line.

I'm a customer.

You cannot call here and speak to customers.

I apologize.

If you have his personal cell phone number, please call him on that.

But this is a business, and you're tying up my business line.

That's to place an order, like an order is.

If you're serious about placing an order, sir, I'll be happy to place your order.

But if you're just calling to speak to one of my customers, that's very inappropriate.

and you're holding up my business line.

So I'm going to ask you, unless you're calling as an honest customer,

you cannot call here anymore.

I want to place an order.

All right, say we're an honest customer.

What type of restaurant is this?

In the back, an Indian restaurant.

Oh, this is an Indian? Okay.

Oh, this place is a juice bar.

Oh!

Oh, the fudge.

Oh, I couldn't get to the button.

Speaking of the Blood Moon Turbo,

and I recalling UK numbers yesterday

and doing customer satisfaction surveys about the lunar eclipse.

Asking if they're satisfied.

And if they would like another color for the next eclipse, like green or purple.

Somehow you guys are influencing that, I guess.

Yeah, we have technicians hard at work planning these.

Of course, of course, I understand.

Do you guys want to try to call Charlie?

Okay.

You always want to call that fucker.

He might throw him off calling in the daytime, though.

I wonder if the restaurant's even open.

What time?

Hawaii's what?

Six hours behind us?

U.S.?

I thought it was five.

Six sounds real high, I think.

I think it's five, but still, that's 11.

I don't think so.

I'd say 10 a.m. in Hawaii right now.

Nah, but we'll call a cell phone.

He's probably out golfing.

Yeah.

It's springtime.

It's golfing time in Hawaii, for sure.

Call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message.

I'll call him one more time.

Let's see.

We've got about 20, 25 minutes left, let's say.

Who's calling me at this?

Charlie.

Hello?

Charlie.

Yes, who is this?

Yes, this is David Snoswell.

Did you see the blood moon the other night?

Huh?

Did you see the lunar eclipse the other night?

Are you okay?

No.

Yeah, did you look out the window?

You saw the blood moon.

The moon turned red.

Hold on.

Why?

Hello?

Yeah, hello, Charlie.

This is the son.

Yeah, can you put Charlie back on the phone?

He doesn't understand.

Oh, well, we will speak Chinese to him.

Put him back on the line, please.

Okay, hold on.

Hello, please sit.

Yeah, uh, ni hao, ni hao ma?

Si, ni hao, ni hao, si.

Yeah, uh, talk to Larry.

Hey, Charlie, jingai tu mali wei.

You want to piss and shit, chow mein?

Fuck you, motherfucker.

I shit on the toilet.

You fucking asshole, Charlie.

You playing golf like a girl?

Golf like a pussy girl.

Actually, I'm talking to your daughter right now.

Ah, he got golfed.

Why you don't yell at me ever?

He never yells at me.

I don't know anymore.

He yells at everyone.

Well, you talked to his son, didn't his son get pissed once?

I think so.

I swear, if I ever go to Honolulu, I'm going to go to the do-job pay to get you guys to call them while I'm there.

Yeah, I see.

I've said already before here that I'll go, but I won't talk.

I'll act like my voice is hoarse, and I'll have my wife do the order.

No, it's just you're in the restaurant, so they get it.

Like, if I'm in the restaurant, they poke you on Skype or something like, hey, call the do-job pay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

doesn't he supposedly according to yelp doesn't he walk around with a parrot

and shit like that and the parrot shits on his neck i saw once it's got to be a health code

violation having a white bird in the restaurant parrots don't shit like little parakeets they

shit like these big white fucking splotches of shit it's like the shit that birds shit on your

car and all that white shit yeah that's gross so there's he's walking he's walking around people

People are like, I'm a parrot.

You can't speak English?

Buy more food.

Fuck it, I would tell them who I am.

I'd tell them, fuck you, Chinga Tumaliwe.

Let's see what you did.

Hello.

Yeah, hey, man.

Hello.

Hey, how are you?

Hello.

Hi, how are you, honey?

This is the Foxes.

Oh, I'm looking for Michael.

Yeah, this is Michael, yeah.

Yeah, listen, I just, I was with your girlfriend.

Um, she's, I just found out, I guess, that she's been cheating on you.

Kelly, you know Kelly?

Yeah.

I'm looking, I was looking through her phone right now.

Uh, she's asleep in the bed, I'm in the bathroom, and, like, I, I started looking at her phone, and I saw your text back and forth with her and all that shit, and I had no idea, bro.

Seriously.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Okay.

Alright, so, yeah, like, I fucking came at her and everything, she told me she's on the pill, is that for real, or, she, like, begged me to take the condom off and, like, finish inside of her, she said.

Say that again.

She begged me to pull the condom off and to come inside of her.

What?

what do you understand you need a translator i'll take your problem do you need a translator

he ejaculated into her vagina yeah yeah so do you understand that how long have you been did she

did you guys break up and shit already or oh i'm cross i'm from the united states i'm a student

i'm staying here in birmingham i'm in the hostel she spent the night she spent the night here with

me tonight yeah yeah well last night i watched yeah i watched yeah we were smoking reefers and

all that that we got yeah so like have you been with her a long time like is she are you tested

and stuff 10 years like what 20 years 10 years 10 years yeah dude i like fucking blast she has

like a gallon of cum inside of her dude yeah yeah so do you think like she might get pregnant like

i'm gonna beat the fuck out of her now i swear to god oh no yeah i'm gonna beat she's over the

I'm going to punch her in the back of the head and beat the fuck out of her.

Because she told me, is she really on birth control?

I'm so fucking pissed off.

I already punched her in the mirror.

And I broke the fucking mirror in here.

My right hand is bleeding.

But I'll still beat the fuck out of her.

I'll just take some cocaine.

I won't feel the pain for like five minutes.

I'll just keep fucking swinging.

So what hostel are you at, then?

The Cross Hostel.

Where's that?

Holy Cross.

It's at Birmingham, University of Birmingham.

Yeah, where?

Where exactly is it?

let me put Baz

he was the front end

he came in her mouth

down her throat

Baz

where

help me

yeah we're at the

the

Elephant and Castle

Hostel

youth house

where

in Birmingham

yeah where

on Regent Street

yeah

so what's the matter

cat got your tongue

we're eating now

yeah

what are you doing now

are you jerking it

I am too

hey do you want to talk to Larry

he was there too

he filmed it

yeah

Larry are you there

Larry

Larry, I'll put Cross back on.

Hey, it's Cross.

I'm looking some shit up.

Oh, and Ron's here, too.

Yeah, who the fuck is Larry?

There was another guy.

I thought there was just the three of us that were hitting it.

Larry was hiding.

Larry was filming it, actually.

Oh, I see.

He was hiding in the crawl space.

He was in a closet.

My bad.

I didn't tell you.

I took the ass myself.

That's fucked up that I didn't tell you.

I'm sorry.

We're all in the bathroom.

We're just watching each other down after we fucking fucked her and filmed it and all that, you know?

Yeah, we were at the Hatter's Hostel.

Yeah.

We were doing a cream pie scene.

There's Big Mike.

On Livery Street.

Oh, you're right, man.

I'm sorry, bro.

We didn't know.

She told us she was single, so.

Don't cry.

Yeah, don't be pissed.

I'm sorry, bro.

Do I sound like I'm crying to you?

All right.

Yeah.

Do you have anything you want me to do?

Do I sound like I'm crying to you, little boy?

Yeah, you sound like a little bitch, too.

Dude, don't get pissed at us.

She told us she was single.

She wanted a party.

I think you need to watch your mouth, man.

I think you need to realize what you're dealing with.

Fuck you, man.

I command you to be respectful.

Who are we dealing with?

Ooh.

Maybe he wants a taste.

You want a taste of it?

You want a taste of it, huh?

Taste of what exactly?

You want a taste of my fist?

Ha, pussyhole.

You couldn't fucking up to me, mate.

Who the fuck do you think you are?

Do you even lift, bro?

You what?

Do you even lift, bro?

Do you even lift?

How do you know, mate?

Okay, well, I'm not intimidated by you.

I fucking lift, bro.

I think you need to realize who you're dealing with, mate.

Who?

Yeah.

Who?

I'm not, yeah, I don't know who.

So, who is it?

Asshole.

Little baddie boy.

You know exactly who I am?

Yeah, a baddie boy.

A nonce.

I was going to put Kelly on the phone for you, but you're being a dickhead, so fuck you.

I thought you were going to put her on the phone.

I'm going to fuck her in the ass now.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Then I'll beat the shit out of her.

I'm what?

What?

You think your little pathetic phone call bothers me, mate?

You're a baddie boy bum bandit.

Is that right?

Yes, and you're a bum baclap.

You're a faggot, mate.

You don't know who you're dating.

You know who you can expect from me.

You nonce.

Or are you a tough guy?

I don't need to think I'm tough.

You're listening, mate.

You're just a faggot, man, for sills.

So Kelly says that when you were born,

you came out of your mom's asshole instead of her pussy.

Oh, yeah.

How is that possible?

That's disgusting.

So watch your mouth, mate, to be honest.

Yeah, or else what?

You should come meet us at the McDonald's down the way.

I beg your pardon?

You should come meet us down at the McDonald's down the way.

Yeah, where is that?

The McDonald's.

corner i don't fucking know you little dumbasses you don't even know who you're dealing with yeah

i know we're gonna come meet you at the mcdonald's yeah come then well come on when we'll be there in

20 minutes 20 minutes which mcdonald's it should be right nearby bath yeah right around the corner

yeah where yeah around the corner what now you're gonna make me find the address i don't fucking

know i'm not from here just visiting well mate you need to realize that there's many mcdonald's

You're listening to Birmingham, you're listening to...

Oh, that...

Fucking dumbass.

Oh, you're a fucking prick.

You're a numpy fucking...

Whatever, faggy.

And you're a twat.

Whatever, faggy.

Kill me.

What, mate?

Who can stab ya?

Kill me, yeah.

You fucking guy.

What, mate?

You little guy.

You're a right prick.

Faggy.

He's a right tosser.

Mate, I'll break your fucking jaw, man.

Yeah, right.

Fucking wanker.

And then pay for us to get it fixed with your fucking ridiculous NHS.

Oh, Kelly, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Funny, mate.

About NHS, mate.

You don't know nothing about me.

I mean, hey, break our jaw and then pay for it, right?

That's what you just said.

I think he fancies a bum.

I'm going to bust your fucking jaw, mate.

At least something or nothing, man.

You fancy a bum?

I beg your pardon?

Do you fancy a bum?

Funny.

I think you do.

Funny guy.

Yeah, funny.

Are you a chav?

What are you saying about my missus, then, you little prick?

You're a chav.

It's your mouth, you little fuck.

His missus is a chav.

He's supposed to be a chav.

Yeah, he's gotta be a chav.

Yeah, it's funny.

Are you a packie?

In the paper, though, your mom, she fucks packies.

I use it as little boys, man.

Fucks them?

You know nothing about me.

Faggot.

It says it right here on this paper.

It says your mom, she fucks packies.

Ha, ha, ha.

Funny.

Yeah, we read it.

It was on the front page.

Yeah, sure.

Uncle,

then?

Queer

Just to let you know

I mean we needed to

Cross wanted to tell you

What happened with Kelly

Yeah

I blasted inside of her

Came right inside of her

Deep inside

Oh no

Triple cream pie

Yeah

And she was like

I'm not

I'm on the pill

You guys can

All three of you

Can come inside of me

Here's what it sounded like

Yeah

Play it back

Bash

Play it back

We have

We're editing it right now

That's

And then we found

Figured out what was happening

And then we did like

This really fucked up

Asian videos

And like she dripped it out

You know

And we slung it at her

cocky style yeah and then she we had her do a squirting video but it was just we told her just

to piss little faggots man what the hell is that it's morse code where's that coming from

it's coming from mr elephant hey stop it stand by they're tracing us with morse code

so i will say this though is we claim no responsibility when she shows up pregnant

yeah you got the fucking toll because she pushed it all out so like that's not like there's no way

it could be ours it'd totally be yours okay if you reckon you've ever put her on she doesn't

want to talk she says yeah yeah i'm sure yeah i'm being honest she doesn't want to talk okay

all right yeah all right look we're gonna call her and put her on the phone okay you have to

wait for it to connect apparently yeah we're just kidding look we're at a we're at an indian

restaurant right now we just thought you looked like an asshole we were in there the other day

and we're like that guy's fucking gay yeah yeah we were just kidding sorry man i actually i had

had a condom on the whole time so it was okay yeah yeah yeah we're good adam nicholas adam owes

money and is the owner of stride envy he's a scumbag okay he makes a railroad with you baby

we've asked you we've asked you multiple times to keep saying that yeah i mean he's fucking a chick

that would mean he's not a faggot can we do calls with him yeah totally i'm getting one right now

who are you calling adam owes somebody money horse dick is the user who sent this in

might be the police it would be the place of his uk godfather uh excessive on the testosterone

sometimes so a lot you've reached out of nickel uk godfather's gonna be in china he said in a week

i think so we're gonna get chinese hospitals now yeah well he said he wants to be joined when he's

in china i think that'd be cool i think we can send him to businesses in china and prank them

while he's there i think that would be fucking epic so yeah dude said in the restaurants and

of shit around the hotel area like you see that guy over there he's a pervert that's what i'm

gonna do oh the chavvy guy hung up yeah damn he did all right what was up with that guy because

i had to go take a shit he's uh we said that we came and said that we were filming a porno

with his girl and uh i cream pied inside her and then we all three cream pied inside of her while

while we were filming a video surreptitiously while you were recording it, Larry, in the closet.

You were hiding in the closet.

Sloth, Ron, didn't know that he was being videotaped, and that's kind of fucked up.

I should have told him.

Yeah.

He's upset now.

Yeah, your ass was in it, Sloth.

Sorry, bro.

Nice.

You can just see from behind, you're like, uh, uh, uh.

And your pants are at your ankles.

It's one hairy ass in the whole video.

You had your shoes and socks on still, too.

And like a button-up shirt as well.

Yeah.

That's still on, too.

You just had it all untouched.

Who is this?

Clay sent this number for Mary, who is a psychic voodoo Craigslist scammer.

She was previously pranked by Onage Pranks.

Hey, how are you?

Can I make an order, please, for one voodoo?

I want to make an order for one voodoo, please.

I don't know what you're talking about.

You got the wrong number, sir.

I want to make an order, please, from you.

You're the psychic?

Sir, she's not in.

She won't be in until next week.

Because she don't make no orders before you start.

She don't order.

Hey, fucking shit.

Can you write down the message for her then and deliver it to her when she gets in?

No, she's a psychic.

She doesn't need to write down the message.

She'll already get it.

Oh, maybe, yeah.

You just think it.

Well, there's that then.

Yeah.

But maybe you should take down the message.

Just in case she doesn't.

Hello, are you there?

Okay, whatever.

What a bitch.

She sounded Jamaican at first.

I was kind of excited.

I know.

Yeah, like, oh, it's Miss Cleo.

Did the Ms. Clearlight still work?

No, she was like

She got charged with something

She was indicted with shit

I think she got deported

Probably for fraud

Yeah, it was some fucked up shit

She was using prisoners and shit

They were saying they were psychics

They were actually in prison still

I remember that coming out

It's like, you know the show Oz

Didn't they have a call center?

Like, it was one of the jobs you could have in prison

Or it was like telemarketing

there was like a whole setup with like phones and computers and stuff and the prisoners were

doing telemarketing calls i remember that that's man i haven't i want to see that from beginning

to end again oz i didn't watch it the whole way through i caught most of the episodes

when it was on uh oz was like dude like 98 that was like before sopranos that started i want to

say yeah i think you're right yeah i think that was the first of hbo's like dramas like that i

I think Oz was the first one to start kind of doing good.

If you don't count, like, Tales from the Crypt and other stuff like that,

like that era, those weren't that good.

Tears of the Crypt was okay.

Wasn't there one, like, comedy show where the guy just kept having clips

of old TV movie clips?

You remember that?

What was that?

Dream On or something like that?

Am I right?

It's like a good version of Tosh.0.

I don't know.

I've never watched Tosh.0.

I've heard good things, but I never watched it.

But anyway, you remember Herman's Head?

Shit like that.

Yeah, there was some weird shit on TV back then.

Yeah, there was.

Herman's head.

Oh, fuck.

I don't even want to know about it.

One show I used to like was Chris Elliott's Get Alive.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You remember when he built the submarine?

Yeah.

Didn't he die, like, just about every episode anyway?

Like, he died a whole bunch of times, and he'd just come back the next episode like nothing happened.

Just like Kenny.

Yeah, exactly.

It was pretty much, yeah.

Before Kenny, it was Chris Elliott on that show.

I'm pretty sure I do miss was Jackass

Jackass is funny

Oh with the MTV Jackass

I still think the first

Apart from some skits in the second and third movies

I still think

Hey let me go ahead and see if we can cancel that order

I hung up on it

And I gotta get going

I don't think we should worry that they were on the line

The whole time

I think they were recording or something

Mr. Elephant people

These are some funny weird beeps

And whistles and stuff

Yeah, there was some Morse code shit going on.

I don't know what that was about.

That's scary.

All right.

Hey, where can I get the number?

Where are we canceling it from?

It was the first Indian one or the second?

Do you remember?

Shit.

It wasn't one of the ones I used, I don't think.

I think it was because we had Mr. Elephant on the line.

You put in three, right?

No, it was the Curry Palace.

I think...

Was it Shilpa?

Shilpa, maybe.

Yeah, did I make an order?

Can you see if it's ready?

Yeah, the garlic naan

And the papadums

Okay, please

It is ready

Okay, listen

I'm going to cancel that

Cancel, cancel

Very good

We are not losing anything

I don't know what the fucking food, asshole

Indian food is disgusting

It's disgusting food

Okay, you enjoy

Enjoy your bloody food

Okay, thank you

Bye, bye

Bye, bye, bye.

It smells bad.

He didn't get as pissed as we thought.

He didn't get as pissed.

He got still pretty pissed, but yeah.

He did go off.

Oh, Carlito.

Yeah.

Who do you think the Texans should take number one in the draft?

I'm personally going for Bortles, the QB from UCF, because that's my alma mater.

You think Bortles over is better than Mansell?

Yes, yes, because I am biased.

That's why.

Being honest, I'm biased, and that's why I want it to happen.

Manziel already has drama around him.

You know what I mean?

Blake Bortles is not.

I think Bortles is a better pure quarterback,

but I think Manziel is going to give a team a better shot to win.

I don't like Clowney just because, I mean,

Texans already have a good D-line, and they just need a quarterback.

Yeah, I don't know.

You think the Texans are going to go anywhere even with a good quarterback?

Yeah, or at least they'll be competitive.

Okay.

I don't know.

now i've never the texans are like a team for me all right most of you guys are probably getting

really pissed off at us right now but the texans are a team that i really don't care for much to

be honest i've never i can't ever see myself really rooting for them they just don't excite

me i don't know it's hard to explain why something about the team maybe it's the colors i don't know

what are you a jags fan no i'm not a jags fan are you crazy i'm a giants fan

jaden i know you're a giants fan yeah i'm a giants fan i don't really talk about it because

i'm embarrassed about it right now i am but yes i'm a giants fan that's my team and i

i respect the bucks because they're my hometown team well technically jacksonville would be but

i don't want you're gonna hate me then why i'm a cowboys fan yeah yeah everyone's a cow i moved

to pennsylvania and everyone's a cowboys fan up here what the fuck i was like there's no eagles

fans and shit there's there's cowboys fans and steelers fans where i live i don't whatever

you live in like rural pennsylvania yeah pretty much that would explain it yeah everybody hates

Philly fans. I hate Jets fans.

Okay, look, I'm going to go. Bye. I don't want to talk about

football. I don't want to talk about anything anymore.

You guys all go away.

Thank you Baz, Sloth, and Zykon.

Bye. And Sabachi for joining us.

Bye. Bye, Macho.

Bye, Macho.

They're out of here. Alright. Well, as I said,

please, if you're watching on the YouTube feed,

be sure to like and subscribe.

I would greatly appreciate that.

I also want to thank everyone who sent in

request of pranks. I did quite a few of them

at the end there and i would like to thank everyone who allowed us to prank call them today

thank you we couldn't do it without you thank you for picking up yeah all right i'll catch you

tomorrow night 10 p.m eastern 7 p.m pacific for another episode of madhouse live until then thank

you and good night

Calls (31, 1 h 25 min of 2 h 14 min)

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