Aculo
19 Jun 2014 · 13 min · 1,614 words · source
Transcript
You're listening to Madhouse Live.
I'm the largest prank call station in the nation.
Prank call nation.
Hello?
Yeah, hi.
I was having a feeling.
I had a feeling about this.
This whole call that I'm going to have right now.
Yeah, I'd like to make an order.
Okay, yes, sir.
I have a really good feeling.
I have a good feeling.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Would you like it?
Yeah, I have a good feeling about this.
Okay, how long will that be and what's the total, please?
How can I help you?
Yeah, tacos, right?
I'm a taco house.
Yeah, fish taco?
Do we have fish tacos yet?
How's the tuna tonight?
How, what?
How's the tuna tonight down there?
Slow.
Yeah, are you slow tonight?
Is it loose or tight?
How are you?
How is it?
International Gymnastics Center.
Yeah, how are you, honey?
How are you doing?
How are you?
I'm good.
How's the action down there tonight?
Moving.
moving okay good um what's the rate for me to be well i wanted to go down there and just kind of
check out the scene see if my daughter was it'd be a good place for my daughter you know uh-huh
yeah so um do you have an area where a parent and daughter can come and i can sit down and
my sweatpants and watch yeah um we actually have a viewing area so when you guys come in
if you walk straight through the doors then you're gonna see a whole bunch of bleachers
yeah yeah yeah i'll figure it out when i get there so my daughter isn't going to come the
the first time i want i want to make sure it's up to level all right so i'm going to come in do you
have a dress code can i come in in sweatpants in sweatpants yeah you can come in a sweatpants
okay nice nice that's good i like that thank you and what's the age range of the women uh excuse me
what age range are the girls there just to make sure that it matches it's compatible my daughter
is 14 you understand oh there's different age ranges and different classes what are the adult
adult women there um we have a tumbling class which is later at night yeah and they're a little
bit older and we also have a uh what time is it tumbling and adult gymnastics the tumbling class
adult gymnastics adult hey listen i'm talking adult gymnastics i mean adult gymnastics let's
see that is at 7 30 every night uh monday and wednesday monday and wednesday so i can come
I'm going to come down on Monday and I'm going to watch in my sweatpants from the viewing area.
Is that a private viewing area?
What do you mean by private viewing area?
Well, is it like behind like a two-way mirror at all?
Oh, no.
Oh, could I possibly install a portable two-way mirror that I have?
I would have to ask my boss about that.
Okay, because I can bring down my – I have a portable two-way mirror.
it extends however big you need it up to 50 foot by 50 foot it uses transparent aluminum this
this firm out of san francisco came up with it back in 1987 what mind-blowing stuff aluminum
that's transparent and malleable and yeah i can go ahead and ask her that and have her give you
a call back nice very nice do you have a trash can in there in the in the viewing area is there
like a little waste basket there very nice um are there any tissues at all or should i bring my own
for in case i have to clean up we have tissues in the restroom all right so i'll go grab like
like the toilet paper you mean yeah we have toilet paper yeah you know what i like to do
just to make things easy when you're sick let's say and you gotta blow your nose a lot if you
know what i mean um i like to take my hand and i make it flat you know like a karate chop
and I wind the toilet paper around them like five or six times,
and then I take that with me to the living room or the bedroom,
wherever I'm going to be watching the video at while I'm sick, let's say.
And right there you have all you need.
You just keep it on your hand and you clean it up when you sneeze, you know?
Yeah, just a second.
Yeah, okay.
I don't need lotion or powder.
I'm not into that stuff.
I need a little bit of spit.
Hello?
Hello.
What was it that you needed help with?
Oh, I need to have a view at the viewing area.
I wanted to go there.
I'm going to come down in sweatpants,
and I'm going to bring a roll of toilet paper with me.
For what, international gymnastics?
Yeah, for the adult gymnastics class.
Yeah, I'm going to watch it from the viewing center.
Yeah.
I've got a portable two-way mirror,
so they can't see me while I'm criticizing them,
while I'm critiquing them and examining them
as they bend over and turn around.
Why would you be doing that, though?
Because I'm interested in having my wife join.
Okay, that's fine.
Okay.
All right, and I'll be behind the two-way mirror.
What kind of seating is there?
Is it leather seating?
You actually can't be behind the two-way mirror because we have classes going on,
but you can sit in the bleachers and you can watch from not viewing areas.
Well, can I set up the two-way mirror, like, in front of me on the bleachers then?
Or wherever I'm going to be?
It extends 50 foot by 50 foot.
It's made out of transparent aluminum.
It was invented by this company in 1987.
Yeah, but it can't be on the floor.
It's highly malleable.
Okay, well, what time would you be coming here?
Well, 7 p.m. on Monday, I suppose.
Okay, you can talk to the person at the front desk and ask them the questions, too.
Okay, all right.
Do they do a lot of splits and stuff?
Just for warm-ups.
It's not really like a flexibility class.
It's more just tumbling for adults.
Right, right.
I got you.
Nice.
Very nice.
okay okay i'm sorry i'm sorry sometimes i have um i had a four pound weight thrown in my head
when i was a child in high school in high school sometimes i have i know when it happens i say
kind of weird stuff and i don't remember like i know when i have an episode it's kind of like
like epilepsy but it's actually slows down your sympathetic pathways instead of speeding them up
so i might have said something it's almost like being on soma uh for like it can last from like
30 seconds to a minute sometimes oh i'm sorry okay well we'll see you on monday okay i'm sorry
if that happened it's really embarrassing but yeah okay monday i'll be down there what was
is your name honey baby i'm katie all right katie and okay okay bye oh hey honey how are you hello
yes my name is aculo yeah how may i help you yeah my name is aculo a-c-u-l-o aculo yeah i know your
name how may i help you okay i want to make a fucking order what do you want to order all right
Alright, I want some goddamn motherfucking tacos.
Do you have a meal with three or more of them together?
No, I don't think so.
A culo, a culo.
Yeah, you say your name again.
Yeah, a culo, a culo.
Hey, a culo, you know?
Yeah, you say that's your name.
I am a culo.
Yo soy a culo.
Yeah, you are a culo.
What's the problem with that?
Yo soy el a culo.
¿Dónde está la leche?
I think I'm going to start it.
Hey, how you doing?
Fine, thank you.
How many coupon machines do you have?
How many coupon machines?
Coupon machines in that ass, yeah.
What machine are you looking for?
You know for the coupon?
It goes...
No, we don't have it.
You know?
What's liquor?
Yeah, I want to see if you have a certain liquor there.
Panocha?
What is it? Is it brandy? What kind of liquor?
It's Panocha. Panocha?
Yeah, but what is it? Is that familiar?
Is it a vodka? Is it a whiskey?
It's a liquor that's flavored like fish?
No, I don't think we have it.
I think it's Russian.
Oh, Russian?
What is it called?
Panocha?
Panocha.
Do you have someone who speaks Spanish?
They might know.
No.
Oh, because there's a lot of Spanish people there, right?
Yeah, but nobody works here.
Oh, what are you from?
Where are you from?
Middle East, buddy.
You're from Middle East?
Oh, okay.
Do you have Olmec?
Huh?
Olmec?
No, it looks like it's called Benucha, Tim.
No, Olmec.
Oh, Olmec.
Uh-huh.
Hello, Bright Mobile Home Park.
Hey, how you doing?
Uh, who's calling?
Uh, this is Toilet Man.
Who?
Toilet Man.
I, uh, I can't quite hear you.
Toilet, I fixed the toilets.
Hang on, hang on.
I can't hear you, fucker.
Hello, hello.
Hey, hello.
Yes.
Yeah, I fixed.
Hello.
I fixed toilet, I fixed toilet.
Okay.
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